People Get Out All Their Feelings In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Choosing My Wife's Health Over My Sister's Wedding Shower?
“My wife Lacey (32F) and I (37M) have been trying to conceive since she was in her late 20s and me in my early 30s. My wife had a VERY hard time conceiving and I feel blessed that she wanted to continue trying despite her struggles and am happy to say that we have a baby on the way!
Now onto the mess. My sister’s wedding shower was last Sunday. The night before my wife said she was feeling uncomfortable, but we just thought it was normal pregnancy pains so I told her if she wasn’t up for the wedding shower I could go alone so that she could rest. Until about 5 in the morning when she wakes me up screaming.
I immediately gather my stuff and get my wife in the car and speed it to the hospital. I phone my parents and sister, both not picking up due to the time so I left them a voicemail and text saying if my wife had a serious problem, I wasn’t attending.
A couple hours go by and I inform them that I am staying with my wife while tests are being run because she shouldn’t go through that alone. Ever since then, I’ve gotten a flurry of texts calling me a jerk/other names I won’t repeat and some family completely cutting me off.
I stand by my decision that my wife’s comfort is most important even if it makes me a “bad guy”. But I have to ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but EVERYBODY that sent you a text is.
ANYBODY who thinks ANYTHING, let alone something as minor as a wedding shower, is more important than you making sure your wife and child are ok, does not have your family’s best interest at heart. I would’ve blocked each number as the text came in, right after I told them which part of my backside they could kiss and how they exit out of my life.
I wouldn’t care if it was 20 minutes before the wedding and you were the officiant, your wife and child’s safety comes first. The nerve, the audacity, and the gall.” Dramatic-Rip5605
Another User Comments:
“Wtf, of course you’re NTJ!
What kind of person would possibly think you wouldn’t want to be with your WIFE during a medical emergency? You need to take a firm stand right here and right now and say you will not tolerate this attitude.
I honestly feel very sorry for all these people’s spouses, because these people will gladly not support their spouses in times of need and rather go party???” RollingKatamari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I don’t think I can yell it loud enough but sooooo NTJ!
I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been in the hospital while pregnant. I was alone. I don’t think you realize just how important it is to your wife that you’re there for her. Being alone in the hospital sucks to begin with, nevermind being alone in the hospital with pregnancy hormones running through you.
Your family is being unsympathetic, and a little delusional if they think a wedding shower is more important to you than your wife being in hospital. Even if it was the actual wedding I’d still say NTJ.” nikactav
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend About My Pet Tarantulas While She House-Sat?
“My friend who’s a premed student is shadowing a doctor in my city and I was going out of town around the same time so I told her she could stay at my place for free in exchange for taking care of my cats.
I do have 3 pet tarantulas. I understand most people are freaked out by them so I don’t show them off, I fed them before I left and will feed them upon return. I keep them in the coat closet to hide from cats/scared people plus they like dark spaces anyway.
I don’t keep anything belonging to the cats in my coat closet so she had no reason to go in there.
Now she’s upset at me for not telling her because (unbeknownst to me) she is arachnophobic and wants to leave and refuses to go back into my apartment.
Not only am I upset that she went through my coat closet without permission (everything the cats needed I left out so she wouldn’t have to look) but I’m having to scramble for a pet sitter while I’m out of town and may have to make an emergency trip back early if I can’t find anyone.
I didn’t think I needed to disclose it because I didn’t expect her to snoop in my closet and had nothing she needed in there. I didn’t know how she felt about them (now I do) and didn’t want to scare her unnecessarily.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You absolutely have to disclose the presence of these animals to anyone who is going to be in your house for a considerable period of time, all the more if you won’t be there.
As a fellow arachnophobic I can only imagine what the discovery must have been for her. I would probably pass out right then and there. And you bet your boots I wouldn’t ever get 10 feet from your apartment.
And a coat closet is communal! You want to make it seem like she was snooping. Maybe she just wanted to, I don’t know, hang her coat. I think you didn’t tell her because even if you didn’t know about her phobia, you are used to people disliking these beings (you said so yourself, that’s why you keep them hidden) and you didn’t want to risk her declining your offer.
Well, it bit you in the butt.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Spiders are a well-known fear for a lot of people, and she deserved the opportunity to make an informed choice about staying there with them.
I petsit a lot, and while I try to stay out of anywhere I don’t need to be, there have been times when I’ve opened every door and cupboard because I don’t know where anything is, and I can’t just ask.
For example, I once needed scissors, and as there were none in the usual places, I went looking for a sewing kit. I wasn’t snooping, I was just looking for the next most likely place to find scissors.
That’s the sort of thing that comes up regularly when you’re in someone’s house and they’re not around. I’m not especially creeped out by spiders, but I would be upset to find them by surprise while looking for scissors.
You should have known there was a possibility she would encounter the spiders and given her a head’s up.” ArmadilloDays
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She shouldn’t have gone into your closet if she didn’t need to, but you should have disclosed you had tarantulas in your apartment.
Arachnophobia is common and it’s a simple courtesy to give an apartment-sitter a heads up that you have THREE EXTREMELY LARGE SPIDERS in your home. I am very arachnophobic and while I don’t go snooping in people’s homes, if I found out after the fact I’d been sleeping in an apartment with a bunch of tarantulas I would be furious.
If you wanted to guarantee your spiders wouldn’t be found, you should have put a lock on the closet door. Otherwise, you have to know it’s possible they would be found, either for some reasonable (like hanging up a coat???) or unreasonable cause and what the outcome would be.
She probably had a near heart attack when she opened the door and perhaps that’s deserved for snooping IF that’s what she was doing, but I don’t blame her one little bit for not going back. You own tarantulas, you need an apartment-sitter who doesn’t mind tarantulas.” maybenomaybe
20. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Partner's Spoiled 7-Year-Old Sister?
“My partner’s parents asked me to babysit his 7-year-old sister (let’s call her Hailey). Usually, this task is no problem but at the time I was also watching his other sister’s kid who is 4 years old (let’s call him Jacob).
Hailey spent most of her time sleeping on the couch as Jacob and I went to another room to look for my water bottle. When we come back Hailey is awake and on her tablet. Jacob starts playing with his toys and watching TV while Hailey is yelling at him to shut up.
I told her that he is allowed to play with his toys and then everything started to go down.
She stomps upstairs, slams her door and I tell her that I will be letting her mom know. She then slams another door, stomps down the stairs, and starts using voice to text on her tablet to tell her dad that I am mistreating her and that it’s none of my business what she does.
I let the parents know that I will no longer be babysitting her for a while and they were quick to blame Jacob the 4-year-old for everything! They even took Hailey out for ice cream and I never even got an apology from the kid.
I feel like she needs to be held accountable for her actions AITJ for wanting an apology from a 7-year-old?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the apology should come from the parents more than the child. It seems like they enable her behavior and she has no consequences.
What a way to raise a child to become a horrible adult someday. They will have to deal with these issues when she is an adult. And they will either continue to enable her or have no way of stopping her as an adult while wondering how could she have turned out the way she is.” ChimiJae123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and for your own well-being, you should politely refuse to babysit if the parents can’t put some rules in place. They’re going to have a tough time finding and keeping a sitter if that’s how they act.
I don’t know how serious your relationship with your partner is (I’m assuming you’re all still quite young), but pay close attention to his and his family’s behavior. If there’s a serious problem with favoritism and unreasonable expectations of everyone but their own child, they’ll not make for good in-laws.
Just something to keep in the back of your mind as your relationship progresses.” adlittle
Another User Comments:
“You can want anything you want and be NTJ. But you might as well understand you aren’t getting it, stop babysitting for them, and move on.
And by “move on” I mean probably from this partner, because rarely will a family develop respect in the future for a partner they don’t respect now.” Guess_What_I_Think
19. AITJ For Proving My Hair Is Naturally Curly To A Doubting Colleague?
“I (23F) recently started a new job at a clothing store. I haven’t met all my colleagues yet but I was starting to get to know some of them a bit.
One thing to note is that I am a POC, though a lot of people can’t tell. The fact that I straighten my hair most of the time adds to this because normally I have pretty curly hair.
Yesterday I wore my hair in two braids but I left some hairs to frame my face that I kept curly because it saved me some time. When I got to work, one of my colleagues (21F) asked me what type of curling wand I used, and I answered saying it was my natural hair pattern.
She kinda scoffed and asked me to just tell her and not “gatekeep the curling wand”.
I later found out she’d been talking to other people behind my back, telling them I’m a jerk for not just sharing the information, and that she’d seen my “naturally straight hair”.
For some of them, this was their first impression of me.
I got fed up with her, so on my break I decided to dip my hair in water in front of her and some colleagues to prove it was my natural hair.
While doing this I said, “please shut up about things you don’t know”. She hasn’t talked to me since.
Some others have told me I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that, but I kinda feel like it was justified?
My friends are split on this so here I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those people that keep defending her? They’re not her friends. They’re her mean girl enabler posse. She could pop a squat on a homeless man and they’d tell him off for pushing her over.
She was demanding, rude, and arrogant. She got exactly what she set herself up for. Just telling you now, kick all of them out of your circle and sever any contact outside the workplace. They’ll defend her no matter the toxic behavior.
Egregiously bad ideas and rude assumptions always deserve to be shamed or criticized.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. Was this coworker white? She has a basic lack of understanding of how hair works, but even more so I’m bothered by her lack of respect for your hair and thus your autonomy.
What she did made me feel a little bit like when I see a white woman insist on touching a Black woman’s hair. Not exactly the same because she didn’t touch your hair but badgering you to tell her what secret you’re hiding from her about your own hair?
Just makes me feel bad you had to go through that.” ziburinis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t realize that some people use straighteners? I know a ton of people that straighten their hair all the time and I only know because one day they come in with curly hair and I may compliment them and they’ll mention they didn’t feel like/have time to straighten it.
What would it benefit you to tell her that you don’t use one, also it’s really none of her business. It’s unfortunate that you had to deal with a person like this right off the bat but on the bright side you know who not to trust personal info with.” Nocleverresponse
18. AITJ For Offering My Son The Option To Change His Name Due To Bullying?
“I (36M, American) lost my wife 2 years ago (she was 33F, Japanese).
I worked in Japan when I met her 8 years ago and stayed there. She was a single mom to a boy (who is now 10 years old) and I adopted him after we got married. I am now his only parent.
We moved to the US for my job a year ago. He loves it here (Seattle), he has some friends, his English is perfect and we still go to Japan for holidays 2 times a year (to see his maternal grandparents who live there).
He has a Japanese name that sounds a lot like an English curse word. So he has been getting bullied in school a lot. He is starting a different school in the fall, and he is scared the bullying will just continue there.
I told him I love his name, and his mother chose it because it has a lot of meaning in Japanese. But nevertheless, if he wants to change his name (like add an American middle name) and go by the new name, we can do that.
He was happy that he has this option. He said he will think about it. His maternal grandparents are absolutely outraged, called me a jerk, and said I am Americanizing my son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I’m Chinese, and I wasn’t born in the US, and as a result, I have a name that is very difficult for Westerners to pronounce. During grade school, my mom ran into lots of issues with people messing up my name and misspelling it (teachers included) so a friend of hers suggested a Western name for me to use.
I used that name all throughout grade school. Once I got into college, I decided that I didn’t think that name fit me anymore, but people still couldn’t pronounce my full name. My Chinese name is a two-character name so it has an easy place to split it (although I think in Japanese the split can be harder).
Think like Xiaoming can be split as Xiao and Ming. So I just used the back half of my name as a nickname, so like Ming. In both circumstances, fortunately, people were not jerks about it and I had no problems using either name.
Whenever I go back to China, my relatives just use my Chinese name. When I’m at my parents’ house they also use my Chinese name. Your son isn’t losing anything, but rather gaining another facet of his identity.
Although that can be kinda difficult for older Asian generations to accept. I’m forever going to be one of the “American cousins” because I lived a good chunk of my life in America.” KiyanStrider
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but think from the other side.
This isn’t your biological son and the maternal grandparents not only lost their daughter, but her son is in the US (not Japan). They lost a part of their lives and now you and their grandson want to change their tradition.
Not sure if you already changed his last name (yet) or plan to, but it may be a slight to the maternal grandparents and the culture. I’m sure you thought about all this and that the grandparents haven’t seen what the grandchild is experiencing in the US because the name is not mocked in Japan.
Changing the name affects a lot of people. Before you go to court, just check with an attorney to see what the legal standard is in your state to change the child’s name. Good luck!” stilljenni
Another User Comments:
“I used to work in a Japanese multinational. I know what’s involved behind the grandparents’ reaction. Sheesh. If they were kids and were being bullied in a new country, they’d be singing a different tune. Tell them to pound sand (politely).
They care more about the principle of something rather than the very real, tangible mental and physical health of their grandson. It’s very easy for people very removed from the actual pain of something to have principles about it.
You are your son’s only parent. You are best placed to know what’s best for him. He is currently living in the USA. He needs to adapt to his current surroundings. Adding a new name will achieve that.
He can use his Japanese name in the appropriate context: i.e, in Japan or among Japanese people/settings in the USA. NTJ.” Bruiscear
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Support An Acquaintance Going Through Depression?
“I’m a 39-year-old single woman (and currently pretty happy to be single). I was contacted out of the blue by a male acquaintance the other day. He’s about my age.
I used to be in a sports organization with this guy so have known him vaguely for about ten years.
I definitely wouldn’t class him as a friend – outside the context of the organization, I’ve only ever seen him twice socially, and have texted him (just friendly catch-up stuff) only a few more times ever. He’s pleasant enough, but definitely not someone I’d be romantically attracted to (way too pushy and loud).
He’s also been in a relationship as long as I’ve known him (and has a toddler) so it’s just never come up.
So, he messages me out of the blue a few weeks ago and tells me that he’d like to catch up to go hiking, as he broke up with his partner 6 months ago, and is feeling a bit down and needs friends.
He also mentions that he’s been wondering why he hasn’t seen me on an app he’s on. I’m super busy right now with a huge set of exams I’ve been studying towards for some time, which are important for my career, and I’m actually not friends with this guy (haven’t seen him in a few years), so I try to brush him off.
He’s politely persistent. I feel bad for him and tell him we can get a coffee after my exams are over (in a few weeks’ time).
Since then he’s messaged me several times asking how I am, how is the study going, etc. I’m polite, but don’t ask him any questions back, and don’t try to keep the conversation going.
I don’t even have much time to see my friends right now, I just do not have time to spend on an acquaintance.
A few days ago I saw a post on his social media feed outlining how he’s depressed and seeing a counsellor and really needs some support from his friends.
I start to feel like a jerk for assuming he wants a date not just some company.
Then I see that he’s liked me on a different app we both apparently use.
Today he sent a screenshot of his social media post about his depression, clearly wanting to make sure I don’t miss seeing that he’s sad.
I really don’t want to engage with this guy. But I also don’t want to be a jerk to him if he’s depressed.
Is it my responsibility (as a friendly acquaintance) to hold his hand while he’s depressed?
He does have other friends – at least, multiple people replied supportively to his social media post – so I cannot be his only potential source of support.
I also feel like I’m being manipulated as he’s not at all clear about his intentions.
It feels like he’s using his depression to guilt me into going on some sort of quasi-engagement.
WIBTJ if I refuse to interact with this guy any more than I am doing (the odd text message?) WIBTJ if I ask him to stop messaging me until I’m done with exams?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. I would seriously consider ending communication as he clearly has other intentions. Unfortunately, it will suck, but you’re going to have to be rude and hurt his feelings.
Communication is giving him false hope and he’s clearly rebounding, or attempting to. “I’m sorry you’re depressed, but I am not a professional counselor and have no interest in pursuing a friendship or otherwise. I wish you the best, but please do not contact me anymore.” Then block him and protect your peace.
You’re not abandoning him. You’re protecting your own health and well-being. I’m saying this as someone who has suffered from anxiety and depression myself.” Jennabear82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is trying to guilt and manipulate you into a one-sided date.
“Dear X, you are aware I’m really busy with exams right now. I do not appreciate the constant messages, you are coming across as pushy and are making me uncomfortable. It is also apparent you have ulterior motives in asking to catch up.
It is for these reasons that I no longer will be catching up for that coffee with you. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, I suggest increasing the visitors to the therapist if you’re able.
I wish the best.” Block.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you owe him nothing. Here are some potential lines you can use in response 1. Nothing – ignore all messages. Maybe after 10, you can say, “I’m not often on messenger because my schedule doesn’t allow it.” 2.
I wish you the best. I’m not interested in meeting but I really hope things go well for you 3. I really appreciate your interest – my life is really full right now, and I hope you connect with the right person 4.
Wow, you have been messaging more than I am comfortable with. I’m sorry, we seem to have a misunderstanding. I’m not interested in seeing you outside of a group, please stop contacting me.” evilgetyours
16. AITJ For Refusing To Reconnect With My Husband's Sister Who Robbed Us?
“A few years ago, my husband and I took in his sister and her husband (my husband’s best friend at the time) because they had fallen into some financial hardship due to their relapsing on substances. Long story short, they continued using while staying with us, robbed us, and ghosted us.
I told my husband they are never welcome here again and I want no contact.
This year, we lost my husband’s brother. And more recently, received news that his sister is pregnant. My husband has started bringing up letting them back into our lives.
He’s forgiven them and says I should too. I have not. Call me callous, but once you’ve proven you can’t be trusted, I don’t trust you. I thought the logic was simple enough. Needless to say, this has become a point of contention between my husband and me.
We are supposed to be going on a weekend getaway tomorrow. My husband told me yesterday we’ll be having dinner right off the bat with his sister and her husband. I told him to have fun I’ll find something else to do.
Cue another argument. His points: They’ve been clean for 2 years, they’ve apologized, they’re my family. Mine: Great, why do I need to be there? I have no interest in pursuing a relationship and my opinion of them is crap.
Husband says I need to have a relationship with them if he’s going to, and I say his relationship with them has nothing to do with me. Neither side is backing down and we’re only getting closer to the weekend.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t go to dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So yep good on them if they have actually been sober for the past two years and that they apologized to your husband. You noted they didn’t apologize to you nor I presume have they offered a plan to pay you for all the stuff they stole.
As other posters noted you are NOT joined at the hip with your husband. So agree husband should go have dinner with them and enjoy their company if that is what he wants to do. Maybe when they actually apologize to you and reimburse you for everything stolen you could reconsider.
But even then I would likely not ever have them in my house again. They made horrible decisions and now they get to live with the result of those decisions.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. About ten years ago, my brother was on substances I let him stay with me and my ex after he was released from jail.
He went back to jail about 18 months later and once again I let him come live with me and my ex. He promised that he was clean this time and although he himself didn’t steal from me, he owed some really bad guys a lot of money and he ended up telling them how to get into my house, they stole everything of value from me and my ex.
I have no doubt they would have killed me or my ex had we come home during the middle of the robbery. Lesson learned, I forgave him but could never trust him again. Part of that happening is why my ex and I broke up, I eventually moved and till this day my brother will never know where I live.” 4thdegreeknight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is more than welcome to have a relationship with them but it doesn’t mean you have to. He is not correct when he says that you have to have a relationship in order for him to do so.
Not so as you are not Siamese twins. Nor are you joined at the hip. I don’t know why people think that the husband and wife have to do everything together. These people have shown you very clearly that they cannot be trusted. And people don’t change.
I completely understand having an issue with substances but that doesn’t mean you steal from your family and then turn right around and ghost. Again people do not change. You’re either the kind of person who will rob their family or you’re not.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with him either and I wouldn’t let your husband try to force you into doing so. I would simply tell him it’s not going to happen to walk away and if he continues to want to argue remove yourself from the situation.
Let him know in no uncertain terms that this is not open for discussion. He is a free agent and is absolutely free to have a relationship with them but that doesn’t mean he gets to force you to do so.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Insisting On Having My Own Bedroom If I Pay Rent?
“I (19m) currently live with my grandfather (60m), brother (20m), mom (49f) and niece (1f). I’ve been living with my grandfather since we had to stay at home more often, originally to care for my grandmother.
After about a year my mom came to help, then my brother a bit after that with his daughter.
Lately, we’ve been trying to find a place due to the housing crisis. My mom, brother, and I decided to get a place together.
We’d each split the rent accordingly with a few extra side pieces here and there but one of the issues popped up pretty quickly.
I currently work 40 hrs a week, mostly closing shifts so I don’t often get invited to look at the houses.
My brother, who works around 20 hrs a week, and my mom, whose schedule is flexible compared to mine, also works 40, both go house hunting and searching, often telling me about them after the fact. Due to this, they often discuss things before I’m even involved.
The problem arose with one house they looked at, it was a 2 bedroom house, obviously a problem. They said how one of us could sleep in the living room while the other two have bedrooms. We’ve done this setup before when I was younger, a lot actually, but I grew up with this and knew this style never worked. Especially when they picked ME to sleep in the living room, no discussion with me whatsoever.
I told my mom plainly, that if I’m paying rent, I’m gonna have a bedroom. I’m not gonna sleep in the living room, especially when my mom owns 3 dogs she doesn’t clean up after.
This caused an argument due to my mom’s inability to respect boundaries.
Now she’s ignoring my boundaries still and it’s irking me. Am I crazy? Or am I doing something wrong with my approach? I know my boundaries are fair but, am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not even remotely, but this does sound like a disaster waiting to happen. Is there any chance you can get your own place? Maybe more importantly, can you start looking at one-bedroom apartments, and be really obvious about it?
It sounds like you’re the one holding the best cards among the three of you, and that they can’t do anything without you and your 40 hours per week. They just need to acknowledge how important you are in making this happen.” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t move in with them because it sounds like neither one will ever respect your boundaries and you will always be on the outs. Also, I don’t know how you guys plan on settling debates but with my roommates, it’s majority rules (like voting on using a chore chart or no chore chart, etc) so if they are already trying that before you move in together then they will try and pull that when you are moved in.” MaximumMonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are paying rent it definitely should be for a room. Perhaps you should stay with your grandparents or find a place by yourself. Can you find a place with other roommates? The thing is if she has an inability to see your boundaries now.
Little to nothing is going to change in the future. It might be best if you are on your own away from family who takes advantage of your kindness. Next thing you know it will be babysitting for your brother.
No, cancel your plans they are not as important as your brother’s. Consider carefully and make sure your voice is heard and you are not bulldozed over. Next time they offer the 2 bedroom option: “Sure go ahead. I will visit on my next day off.” In 6 months.” SuperHuckleberry125
14. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother For Destroying My Things?
“I (18f) have a brother (14m) who has ADHD and his whole life he has been outright spoiled. When I was 11 and he was 7 we were both given the diagnosis of ADHD, and I also got diagnosed with Autism.
However, because I was the oldest and also female, my parents expected me to never show signs of this, whilst my brother’s behavior was always excused because of his ADHD.
My brother is a spoiled little jerk and constantly destroys my things.
My room has a lock on it to keep him out. If I leave anything out of my room he destroys it but I’m not allowed to get upset. I always get in trouble because I “should have locked it up” if I didn’t want him to destroy it.
I work hard, pay rent, and pay for my own car and anything I want, including my own food. My brother gets handed everything to him. I’m sick of my hard-earned money going down the drain because he destroys anything he can get to.
Recently, he destroyed a new comb set I got and I ended up yelling at him to basically get his act together. When my parents got upset at me for yelling I told them “I shouldn’t have to lock everything up from a 14-year-old.” They, of course, told me that it’s my fault for not locking up my stuff and leaving it in the bathroom.
So, AITJ for yelling at my disabled brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of people don’t really believe girls can have ADHD, because of the association still with hyperactive little boys. I didn’t get diagnosed till my 30s, even though my parents KNEW I didn’t pay attention at school – I had high grades, and I would just sit and quietly read or draw, so teachers never had a problem with me.
My brother WAS diagnosed as a kid, supposedly reacted badly to Ritalin (I do not remember this), never got put back on different meds or taken to therapy, and was an obnoxious little jerk forever – which was totally ok by my parents.
Anyway, I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess you are more inattentive type than hyperactive type, and that you’re on the spectrum, but are not the stereotypical, profoundly disabled, autistic kid, so they believe neither diagnosis?” seliKONIC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lock up all your stuff in your bedroom and only take things out when you need them. Put them back in the bedroom afterward. You can’t afford to move out, your brother is a monster, and your parents aren’t going to do anything.
You’re going to have to lock up everything until you’ve got enough money to move out. Unless you’ve got other family members who don’t mind taking you in. You shouldn’t HAVE to do this, and it sucks, but I don’t see any other way.
I’m curious though; does your brother have friends? Does he go to school? Does he destroy anything at school, or a friend’s house, or anything belonging to your parents? I doubt it.” NowWithMoreChocolate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I also think there is another mental health issue here.
I’m thinking sociopathy. You need to explain to your parents that this behavior in a 14-year-old has reached the criminal stage. If he were doing this to a nonfamily member he would be up on charges for destruction of personal property.
If you were anyone but his sister they would have called the police by now. Do not threaten. Explain calmly. If you are unable to do so get a friend closer to your parents’ age to explain it to them.
They are not seeing the situation as it really is. Being neurodivergent does not give you a pass for being a jerk. You have two separate diagnoses and you are expected to act “normally” but the son gets a pass.
Just nope.” Crimsonblackshrike
13. AITJ For Not Wanting A Father-Daughter Dance At My Wedding?
“My sisters are both telling me to just do it and my younger sister in particular is upset with me and thinks I always paint my dad in a bad light when that’s not the truth.
I find it hard because although we (3 girls) all grew up in the same house, each of our relationships with my dad is widely different from one another. Even today, I consider my relationship with him mostly superficial and there isn’t anything really there.
I have some trauma from my relationship with my dad that I don’t think would be beneficial to bring up because he always denies my experiences and tells me that’s not what really happened.
For my wedding, he is offering to pay for about half of the reception.
I told him I don’t want to do a father-daughter dance. Personally, it would feel too fake and like I’m putting on a show where he gets to show off to everyone how great a dad he is when I don’t have really any relationship with him at all.
It makes me uncomfortable and I am still allowing him to walk me down the aisle, even though I’d rather not do that too. My sisters are telling me I’m wrong, but my mom is telling me to do what I feel is right.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding. However, if there’s any way at all, I’d avoid having him pay anything towards the wedding in case he uses it as leverage to get his way.
He’s already forcing his way by inviting his friends that you don’t even know. Have a fabulous wedding, OP!” thatshygal717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding, not theirs. Make the memories you want on your special day.
You need to do what feels right for you or it will just be a wasted day. You said your relationships with your dad are all different, and it doesn’t sound like they’re even trying to understand yours.
They should be taking it into consideration.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make decisions about YOUR WEDDING! When your sisters get married they get to make their own choices.
Tell your dad to keep his money (and to stay home), and walk yourself (or have your mom) down the aisle. And only dance with who YOU choose to! Have an amazing wedding!” Grouchy-Storm-6758
12. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Mom Sold My Concert Tickets?
“I’m 17f, I have listened to My Chemical Romance almost religiously, easily since I was like 7. They’re playing in my country in a week’s time, and I had two tickets bought, one for me and one for my friend.
This concert was really important to me, partially because it’s been rescheduled twice, and partially because alternative band members don’t live so long, one may be dead before the next opportunity rolls around.
My youngest brother, Jack, 8m, has cerebral palsy and has to wear AFO splints.
They’re bulky, so he can only wear certain types of shoes with them, and the only types he likes are quite expensive. My mom has tickets for Ed Sheeran, and she’s just back from a holiday, so she’s a bit broke.
I assumed she’d sell her own tickets when she was talking about selling tickets.
I was very wrong, she sold mine. For like double the price I paid as well. They’re sold out for the date we were going, and I really don’t know when or if I’ll ever get this opportunity again so I’m livid.
I packed my stuff last night and went to my friend’s, whose parents are more than okay with it. My mom thinks I’m being beyond unreasonable for leaving, that I am overreacting, that I’m making her look like a bad mother, etc etc, she even got my older sister to ring me and berate me down the phone.
I’m starting to feel like the jerk now, even though I thought I was right in the beginning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also unless she sold them through the official seller (like had them transferred through ticket master), they are still your tickets and under your name and you can contact Ticketmaster or whoever the vendor was and say your tickets were stolen and could they reissue them.
(Contact “fan support” if it’s Ticketmaster) Do not say they were sold. They cannot be transferred to anyone else except by the person who holds the credit card so since you bought them, she can’t have done it online and anyone who bought the tickets was foolish not doing it properly and they can take it up with your mother.
Enjoy the concert!” LivSaJo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset over this. It sounds like your mom had enough money for a holiday as well as her own concert, but decided that your thing could be expendable?
That’s not right… especially if you paid with your own money for the tickets. Now I want to make sure something is made clear. It sounds like your mom isn’t shirking the responsibility of taking care of an 8-year-old with disabilities.
Quite the opposite, it sounds like she’s on top of his needs. But 8 years into it, she should have had a better grasp on the finances by now. And even if times were dire and she needed to dip into your things, she should have asked permission, and offered to pay you back.
She didn’t value your property or your say, and for that, I completely understand why you’d move out. Frankly, she owes you an apology for how this went down. I don’t know if it’s worth it trying to get one from her.
But I don’t think you’re a jerk here.” TheHipReplacement
Another User Comments:
“To sum up – 1. Your mother goes on vacation. 2. Your mother buys concert tickets for herself. 3. Your mother doesn’t have cash for your handicapped brother’s new shoes.
Your mother didn’t anticipate your brother needing new shoes, because she didn’t realize children grow or wear things out. 4. After returning from a relaxing vacation, your mother looks around the house for something to sell to pay for new shoes for the brother.
The only quick-selling thing she sees with any monetary value are not her own concert tickets, but yours, which she sells at a quick profit, not even reimbursing you for your cost. 5. You leave because you are upset.
6. Your mother tries to make you feel unjustified for being upset she’s selling your tickets before she even tries to sell her tickets. So NTJ. Your mother is totally the jerk. Raising your brother is her job, not yours.
While you would have been a superstar for volunteering your tickets, it is not your responsibility to do so. It is also not your responsibility to burnish her motherly image.” CharmingSpend3947
11. AITJ For Disinviting My Uncle From My Wedding After He Insulted Our Plans?
“I’m getting married in April to my partner of 4 years. We wanted a really small wedding in a beautiful location and spoke to our immediate families about it.
They were really excited and on board, so we went ahead and booked it.
Our guest list was originally only immediate family and close friends, but my mom wanted us to also invite her brother, Uncle Joe, who I’ve previously had a very friendly relationship with.
My mom is one of 4, so I also have two other aunts on her side. I don’t have a good relationship with these aunts – both have been unkind to me for no apparent reason over the years – so I decided not to invite them or their adult kids.
I was in two minds about inviting Uncle Joe because I’d left the others out, but my mom said it was fine so we sent him a Save the Date.
Our Save the Date came with a message saying we know our wedding location is far away and we don’t mind at all if people can’t make it, we’ll see them at the party we’re throwing in our hometown instead.
Over the weekend we saw Uncle Joe for brunch, the first time since he had received our Save The Date. Here are a few things he said to me and my fiance:
‘Why the heck are you having your wedding there?’
‘I have to get a cross-country flight for hours and it’s a pain in the butt to get to.’
‘No one is going to come to your wedding.’
‘Why are you bothering having a wedding cake, there won’t be anyone there.’
‘How could you not invite the rest of the family, they’re your family, they should be invited.’
‘Why do you need a wedding planner for some small little thing like that?’
When we explained we didn’t want a big wedding because it’s difficult to plan: ‘Well what the heck else are you doing with your time?’
And other derogatory things about our small wedding.
After this, we left brunch and immediately removed him from our guest list. We have asked my mom to speak to him to let him know he is disinvited.
The thing is, AITJ?
When people are family, are they entitled to be invited to your wedding? Are weddings about extended family as much as the couple? Is leaving people out of our small wedding incredibly rude? And AITJ to disinvite someone when I used to have a great relationship with them, based on their behavior on one day?
Is his behavior bad enough to justify disinviting him?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. Now, you are allowed to invite whoever you want to your wedding (and you have invited him by sending the Save the Date to inform him of your event).
However, if you disinvite someone, expect to have family tension. This will add to the tension from you inviting one of your mom’s siblings and not the others. Typically, family is invited in circles unless there is a very serious family rift. Like, if your aunts had stolen from your mother, they would not be invited to your wedding for obvious reasons.
You sent the Save the Date, he may be making arrangements to come even if he is grumbling about it. It is now your responsibility to un-invite him if that’s the direction you want to go. Just know this may end up causing even more drama.” AmericasNextTopLlama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. … NOT for cutting him, because he crossed a huge line, multiple times, and instead of being honored to be invited in the Inner Circle, he really was a flaming jerk, and 100% deserves to be cut.
But YTJ because you’re a grown-up adult, and if you’re grown-up enough to get married, you’re grown-up enough to be your own Hatchet Man and not put it on your mother to do the dirty work, and hide behind her skirts.
And why? Because dealing with Uncle directly offers an opportunity to clear the air… for both of you. Instead of 6th-grade whisper down-the-lane nonsense. Take your place in the world, and manage your own affairs. Email, text, phone, all are direct contact, it doesn’t need to be face-to-face or a big open showdown.
Would you respect a coworker or a boss who gave negative feedback via grapevine?” Myay-4111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding and you choose who gets to be there. If he doesn’t want to do the cross-country flights and thinks it’s all a waste, then there is no reason for him to be there.
If he is this upset about it he most likely will RSVP no anyway. What I can say from experience is, that unless he takes a mic and is center stage during your wedding, you aren’t going to notice if he is there or not.
You will be too focused on the actual ceremony and once the ceremony is done, you will just be too happy to worry about it. But, if you feel that he is going to make you uncomfortable or be a negative drain on the event, feel free to uninvite him.” PaganCHICK720
10. AITJ For Giving My Friend's Son Alternative Advice?
“My wife and I are friends with ‘Sally’ who has a 24y/o son ‘James’. She did a great job raising him, our kids are all friends, treats everyone well.
He started seeing people at 16 and no relationship would stick. We got to see him with some of his partners, all of them were short-term. He was a bit too nice, like not valuing himself or he’d start spoiling girls as soon as they started talking.
This was just how Sally raised him, and she did great teaching him how to be a very caring and considerate partner that pulls his weight but she never taught him what to look out for. This has led to him being taken advantage of by girls he’s seen or tried to see.
The partner two years ago was really emotionally abusive and had issues with Sally and even us interacting with James. All Sally said was that it was nice he gave her a chance because ‘all girls deserve a chance and he just wasn’t meant to be the one to fix her’.
About a year ago he was at our house hanging out with our son when our daughter asked us for money for her date. When she left, James asked us if we were really okay with her going on a date with a guy that wasn’t willing to pay and we told him yes.
We raised our kids to understand that they are not entitled to intimacy, having money spent on them, or a relationship just for going on a date. Especially first dates since that’s when people are still getting to know each other.
We explained to him how we went over the various relationship dynamics, pros and cons, and red flags to look out for in a partner of any gender so our kids would have better chances at finding fulfilling relationships.
He was pretty quiet and said Sally never told him any of this and contradicted what he was taught. He admitted he hadn’t been seeing anyone despite being ready emotionally again since he’s struggling financially and can’t afford the kind of dates his mom always suggests and he doesn’t enjoy always paying as is.
She taught him if he can’t afford a nice dinner and activity then he wasn’t in a position to ask anyone out.
My wife and I suggested he do as we did for our first date since I was broke when we met: We found a popular park, went in the middle of the afternoon, and grilled out.
We both cooked stuff to bring. It took a lot of stress off of us and we had a great time.
James said he’d try something like that. We recently had a party with our friends and James brought his new partner Jesse.
Jesse was telling everyone how much she loved cookouts now because of their first date. Sally asked James if he really had a cookout for their first date and he told her yes, it was our idea. Sally got mad at both of us and said if we were going to give her son ideas that went against how she raised him, that we needed her permission first so she could talk to him with us.
She left, it got awkward, and some of our friends think we overstepped a boundary talking to him without running it by Sally first.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sally sounds like a misandrist with a serious gold-digger mentality.
I’m not an expert on this topic, but I need to summarize what she is basically saying to James in my head: She is teaching her son that ONLY the man pays during a date and that if he has no money, he shouldn’t even consider going out on a date.
I’m sorry, but James raised HIMSELF well; while it is just an assumption from one incident, if what James is saying is true, there are some major issues with Sally revolving around men and money. She is not being a responsible parent; in fact, I personally find her “advice” utterly disgusting.
Well done for teaching him about the EQUALITY of seeing someone, and all the warning signs he needs to watch out for just in case. Oh, also, if James is ever shown this post, tell him that a congratulations is in order from this internet stranger!” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. James is a grown man. It’s not like he’s sixteen and you’re overstepping a legal guardian to give a teenager romantic advice; if he were in high school or something like that I’d say you might have overstepped, but he’s 24.
She can’t control who gives him what advice anymore, she’s just mad HER advice isn’t being followed (because it sounds uh dated, by the way, and doesn’t seem to have done him any favors). Her feeling some type of way about it is normal I’d imagine and a parent probably doesn’t want to acknowledge when someone else has given their own child seemingly better advice than them, but that doesn’t mean that – at his age – you have overstepped.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ! He is 24 years old and being taken advantage of because his mother is a princess. Going on expensive first dates is idiotic. Why spend major money without knowing if you are compatible?
This ADULT MAN’s partner even said she had a good time. Don’t give it a second thought. “Sally’s” ideas about relationships are outdated. Grown women are now allowed to have jobs that pay well and don’t need to be taken care of like property.
When her son gets married, is she going to expect a dowry?” lostalldoubt86
9. AITJ For Telling My Coworker To Stop Pursuing Our Gay Boss?
“The other day a coworker (24M) approached me while we were getting lunch, he looked really depressed. He asked if I (21F) knew our boss (29F) was gay; since he is being transferred he finally could ask her out, and that’s when she told him.
I told him I didn’t know, and he said “so I wasn’t the only one that was fooled”. I told him “grow up, she wasn’t running some con to make you believe she was a heterosexual for your attention, you just read too deep into her being nice”.
He told me that’s not what he meant, he has wanted to be with her since he started here (3 years ago), and it just really hurts that she turned him down.
He ended up letting it slip that he isn’t giving up, and this further annoyed me.
So I said: “you know that’s not how it works, you’re not the one who will sweep her off her feet. You’re just another jerk who doesn’t understand the word no. Drop it before she has to report you to HR”.
He proceeded to leave crying and has taken the last 3 days off of work. Most of our coworkers hate me now and say I’m a jerk for not being kinder while he was fragile. However, I think he needed a reality check, he outed her without her consent AND wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So first of all, this guy is outing your boss to coworkers. You didn’t know she was gay. Secondly, he is of the mindset that “She is only being nice because she’s into me.” No, she is clearly being nice because she’s a respectful human being who clearly values her employees and wants to keep their morale up for good business.
Thirdly, YOU DO NOT DIP YOUR PEN INTO THE COMPANY INK. She’s his boss, what does he expect, that even if she were remotely interested he’d get promoted at some point? That he’d get to be in a better position because he’s with his boss?
This in and of itself is something that can get him fired as it is. Then, finally, the fact that despite knowing she is gay, meaning he knows full well she isn’t going to be interested in him, he still thinks he has a shot and that he needs to not give up?
Dude. Give up. You’re just gonna be done in for harassment. OP, you are absolutely correct in everything you said to him. You laid out the facts, and if he wants to cry and run away from work because of it, it really isn’t your fault.
This guy is honestly one of those men who irritate me. He’s acting like the embodiment of a negative stereotype that is still thrown around today.” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you need to tell at least your supervisor about this, HR if your company’s department is halfway decent.
He was hitting on a coworker, outed her, and made it clear that he would continue to pursue her. He’s creating a hostile work environment and will still be around in some ways, so he can continue to be a jerk.
Having a record of him saying this to a third party establishes a pattern, and it also nips the potential for him making unfounded retaliatory complaints in the bud.” suffragette_citizen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy needed to be told.
It doesn’t matter that the boss is gay, it doesn’t matter that he likes them still – they said No and do not have to give a reason why. Your explanation was perfectly correct – he has read too much into kindness.
And continuing to pursue someone who has stated clearly they do not feel the same is unacceptable in any situation. But most especially at work, and now everyone knows about this his interactions with her will be under scrutiny from all the colleagues who know.
No one wants to live in a fishbowl like this. When this person does go to HR about the situation guess who gets fired? Yeah, the creepy dude who can’t take no for an answer which will definitely go against an employee code of conduct.
Yikes. Keep being you though, you sound like a great friend to have around for sound advice.” FiFi2789
8. AITJ For Refusing To Accommodate An Employee's Cleaning Requests?
“I am the cleaner for a company.
I have 15 offices I clean 5 days a week. I do basic cleaning trash and vacuuming every day, and I dust on Fridays. A problem arose with one of the employees whose office I clean. Apparently, he has some kind of OCD and needs everything in a very specific place.
He said that when I clean, I don’t put the bins back in the spot they were or that things are out of whack on his desk.
One example was a stack of papers I moved around and put back while dusting; one of the papers was slightly crooked in the stack, and this was a big issue for him.
My employer brought it to my attention once, and I tried to be more mindful in his office, but apparently, my efforts fell short since I was called up again to discuss the matter.
My employer said they had accommodations for this and that maybe I could try taking photos of where stuff is at to place it back in the right location.
I said I no longer felt comfortable cleaning said employee’s office; if I was causing them so much distress, maybe it would be best if they did their own cleaning moving forward. The OCD employee was not happy with this and wants me to come up with a plan to properly place items when cleaning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they don’t want you to move things, they need to do their own dusting, at the very least. My mom owns a cleaning business and wouldn’t accept this kind of thing. I have family members with OCD and they know that is an issue they have, so they do their own things.
It’s really not right to expect you to take photos and painstakingly rearrange everything. That is not your job. It is awkward enough moving peoples’ things, let alone all that. Them doing their own dusting is a compromise and a reasonable person would accept that.” i-Ake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: you already offered a solution which was to have them clean it. People get to be particular about how they want things cleaned but they don’t get to make you do it. If the employee wants things cleaned in a way you feel unable to do that is not your fault, you tried and he wasn’t happy with it, that’s all you can do.
If you want to get the employee off your back try to emphasize that you don’t feel able to clean their office in a way that would make them feel better, and you pulling out of cleaning it is really for their own good as you don’t think you could ever do a job to their standards.
It’s a bit of a self-deprecating response but it may get them to stop.” Sageletrox
Another User Comments:
“Hot take but YTJ for not providing the accommodation. NTJ if you are refusing to clean the office. You are there, being paid to do a job.
As bad of a job it might be, you still are supposed to do the job. If you were to say, I am gonna show up but not do my job the way my employer (via the request of the OCD employee) wants, that does make you a jerk.
In the post at the bottom, you mention you refused/ stated you were uncomfortable with cleaning the office, and said they should do their own cleaning. Asking to be reassigned or quitting, what have you, does not make you a jerk.” theoreticalsandmore
7. AITJ For Serving My Brother's Muslim Partner Pork At Dinner?
“I (29F) hosted dinner with my family a few nights ago. It’s not the first time hosting dinner, however, this was the first time that my brother (24M) brought his partner (23M) to our family dinners. I have no issues with my brother’s sexuality & his partner.
Last week, my brother told me that he’ll be bringing his partner to dinner, I had no issues. He also mentioned to not cook anything that contains pork because of his partner’s religion. I asked him what religion the partner is part of, & my brother said that he is Muslim.
I asked my brother if I had to buy the halal meat that they eat & not bring booze, but my brother assured me that I didn’t have to do that since his partner is a non-practicing Muslim.
I was disappointed since that meant I couldn’t serve the food the way I wanted, my brother assured me that his partner drinks booze.
I have huge respect for Muslims, I don’t hate them, but a few days before the dinner, I told my Muslim friend (30F) about my brother’s partner.
She isn’t comfortable with me talking about my brother because of him being gay, but it’s not her fault since that’s her culture, but when I told her about his partner, she was mad. She said that what the partner doing is wrong & he is going to a bad place.
Since it’s her religion & she knows better than the partner, I didn’t disagree with her, even though I don’t agree with what she said.
When it was the day of the dinner, I made my pork shoulder roast. For the partner, I made him a beef roast. I always sauté veggies & make a jus with the leftover animal fat when I make my roast. I didn’t have enough beef fat for the partner, so I just just used the pork fat instead.
I know that would go against what my brother said but it wouldn’t matter, since the partner drinks, so him not eating pork wouldn’t take him to heaven.
Cut to dinner. Everyone enjoyed the food, even the partner.
I did notice how the partner drank the wine casually yet it’s against his religion. When dinner ended, the partner was raving about the roast, it’s the first time he had my roast. He then asked me for the recipe for it.
When I told him, I had completely forgotten that he doesn’t eat pork, & when I told him, he ended the conversation & walked away from me.
After dessert, the guests went home, apart from my brother & his partner.
My brother shouted at me about how I went against his partner’s requests & how I tricked them. I responded by saying that it didn’t matter since the partner is not really a Muslim & he didn’t have to follow those silly rules.
I said that he isn’t going to heaven either way for not eating pork whilst being gay because of his religion & as soon as I said that, the partner sobbed into tears. My brother continued to shout at me about how I’m being homophobic & Islamophobic, while he comforted his partner.
I’m his eldest sister, I am not homophobic nor am I Islamophobic. Never have been.
I wasn’t trying to be evil since I was just saying what my friend said, but they weren’t having it. They left pretty quickly after that.
I haven’t heard from my brother since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ someone told you with plenty of notice about someone’s dietary needs. You choose to not only disrespect them but then also tell that person you fed them something they CHOOSE not to eat.
You do not get to decide it’s OK for him to eat pork because he’s “not really a Muslim & he didn’t have to follow those silly rules”. He gets to decide what he eats just as he gets to decide whether to drink booze or act on his homosexuality.
You told your brother you would respect his partner and then you didn’t based on your own ideas about Muslims and your Muslim friend’s homophobia. His religious adherence doesn’t even matter, it’s not for you to judge but even if a non-Muslim/jew tells you culturally they don’t eat pork DON’T FEED THEM PORK!” dsteere2303
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re 29 years old acting like this? First of all, you don’t mess with people’s food. If someone tells you they don’t eat something, that’s not a thing you should go workshop with your friends.
That’s a hard limit you respect. I’m sure there are things you don’t eat that others do, and if someone put it in your food you’d be more upset than they were over the pork fat.
Second of all, someone else’s religion is none of your business. If someone tells you they observe specific tenets of their religion, but not others, that isn’t free real estate for you to muscle into their religious practice and call it fake or not enough.
Plenty of people follow some tenets of religions but not others – that’s why you have different sects of religions. Third of all, you are clearly homophobic and Islamophobic. You don’t have to try to be evil.
You have to try not to be evil in spite of the homophobic and Islamophobic junk you learn just by growing up in this society. If you don’t actually do the work to unpack that, you’re probably just going to keep being like this.
It’s going to continue to hurt your brother and his partner. Fourth of all, stop putting this on your friend. That’s such a cop-out. It doesn’t matter what your friend said, you chose what you said and did on your own.
You’re too old for this ‘just repeating what my friend said’ junk. You are majorly the jerk. Go apologize. Profusely.” Massive-Emergency-42
Another User Comments:
“I actually had to take a moment and really think about how to word and process my answer.
You are an unbelievable, sickening person for this. You are Islamophobic and homophobic. It is not up to you to judge anyone’s religion or the way they practice it. You, someone this man was supposed to trust and who he felt safe enough to eat with, have betrayed him in the worst way.
Not eating pork is so darn hard for practicing Muslims. The people who love them take time and care in preparation for these meals. I wouldn’t be surprised if he and your brother never trusted you again. To think, you work your entire life to stay away from something based on your own personal religious beliefs, only to have a random person place their thoughts above yours and cause you unimaginable religious pain.
Imagine being Hindu and being vegetarian and then someone puts dressing on your salad containing animal fats, just because you are nontraditional. Or being catholic and having someone promise not to make a dish that contains meat for lent, only to find out it is, in fact, beef or whatever else.
And then being told that because you don’t go to church, practice the traditional ways, and your sexual orientation, it’s not a big deal and other Hindus or Catholics agree. Disgusting.” triptastica
6. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Roommate To Go Back To His Room Because I Felt Uncomfortable?
“I (f21) was staying with a good friend of mine (f21) over the weekend while repair work was done at my apartment.
She has a roommate (m22) who I don’t know very well and have only spoken to in passing. My friend works weekends and was gone most of the day. She told me that her roommate spends most of his weekends at his partner’s and I probably wouldn’t see much of him.
So anyway, Sunday morning I was hanging out on the couch and he walked out of his room wearing nothing but basketball shorts, which was…awkward. We exchanged awkward hellos and he went into the kitchen that’s connected to the living room.
He stood in the kitchen eating cereal for like 10 minutes without saying a word, literally a few feet from me. After he finished, he continued just standing there and was trying to make small talk about the show I was watching.
At that point, I was feeling very uncomfortable and asked him if he was going back to his room. He was like “I can?” and I said “if you don’t mind” so he left.
I left my friend’s that afternoon and she called me soon after and asked what happened. Apparently, she got home and he laughed and told her “your friend is kind of rude”.
I told her what happened and how I was uncomfortable, but she didn’t care and just told me that I was really rude and embarrassed her. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made this awkward. You got uncomfortable because he was wearing omg gasps!
basketball shorts in his own home. How dare that man wear shorts. It’s so “awkward”. By the way if my comment reads as being ridiculous. Yes, it is. This whole thing is ridiculous and “awkward”. You even sent the poor man to his room.
Are you his mother now too? You have a very entitled attitude for being a guest in someone else’s home.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Who do you think you are to tell someone who actually LIVES there and pays rent to “go back to his room!?” Just because you’re”uncomfortable” about his attire doesn’t mean that you can demand that he accommodate your “discomfort” in his OWN HOUSE.
Your discomfort was not her roommate’s problem: it was YOURS. You were a rude jerk. He can go about his own home in any state of dress or undress he wants. If you didn’t like, you could have just packed your stuff and gone home.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So, let’s see… it’s his apartment, and all he did was come out of his room, clothed, for a bowl of cereal. He even tried to be nice and engage in conversation with you.
To be met with, go back in your room please, because you’re uncomfortable with his existence in his own apartment??!! YTJ, majorly and unquestionably. What gives you the right to tell someone what to do in their own dwelling, when they aren’t doing anything wrong to begin with?!
He’s nicer than I’d have been. I’d have told you I pay rent here and you’re on my couch, if you’re feeling uncomfortable for no reason, there’s the door. Bye.” Dylans116thDream
5. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Dad For His Sexist Expectations?
“I, (19f) live with my parents at home.
They insisted on going to college online instead of in person because they don’t believe in my getting an education in a whole different country even though I had a scholarship. I was very heartbroken but at least I’m getting an education it’s the least I could hope for considering how backward my parents are.
My mum travelled recently leaving me and my (17f) sister at home. My dad has been insufferable demanding we prepare meals and serve him with a glass of water for each meal.
Today I woke up late because I spent the whole night cleaning after my dirty father.
I woke up and didn’t feel like preparing breakfast and he said we needed to learn how to serve because we are women and my mum and grandma serve all the time. So I got up and prepared breakfast but what set me off was when he said I didn’t do well enough because he had no glass of water.
I blew up on him and called him a lazy man who can’t even get a glass of water for himself. I also told him how my mum and grandma complain about how dirty he is. I told him he was useless and he is just a big toddler.
Now my dad is upset and told my mum and my mum wants me to apologize because as women it’s our duty to care for men but I don’t think so. My sister and I are tired and we both have school to think of and the kicker is my father is on leave.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for what you said or for being upset but you do have some choices to make. Your mom and dad want you to apologize and you may have to, as unappealing as that would be.
You live in his home and accept his financial support which places you under his power. Your only choice it would seem is to tolerate his behavior or move out and live on your own without his support.
If you continue to speak up you run the risk of being put out before you can arrange it so you can leave on your own. This is a horrible position to be in and his behavior is disgusting but you are not likely to be able to change him and it appears your mom supports him and his behavior.
So the real question isn’t if you are a jerk but if you refuse to apologize, will your parents kick you out and/or withdraw their financial support?” baneline2
Another User Comments:
“OK, so a better way to handle this would have been to set boundaries beforehand and stick to them.
Now though, you need to decide whether you’re willing to put up with this any longer. If not, then you need to decide what you will and will not do and try to negotiate. I don’t know your parents or culture, so I don’t know how successful this will be, so take this opinion with a grain of salt.
Good luck!” Analytics97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad does sound irritating I’d suggest maybe offering that he helps you guys cook? That could be a good compromise if he agrees to it. Start off by only asking him to chop vegetables or maybe do his own dishes until you find a good balance where both of you can go about your day.
And if he doesn’t agree, I don’t know, I’d just stop bringing him things or cleaning up and see how long it takes him to give up.” thornesrule
4. AITJ For Not Supporting My Husband's Risky Investment Property Idea?
“My husband of 5 years has always had dreams of buying a house.
He has no family to provide him with guarantors despite them owning property. And my family won’t guarantor either.
This is where it gets fun. We moved to a cheaper city 3.5 years ago. He worked full-time, while I worked casually plus raised our 1st child.
(I still earned 80% of what he did at least) We didn’t save much, however, we did build assets – like a 2nd car, etc. Then I went back to work full time and 6 months later fell pregnant with child #2.
I took 3 weeks off following the birth, then went back full time. He decided to be a stay-at-home dad… and has been for the last year.
This obsession with buying a house has become intense. However, as I am the only one working, he is only on minimal Centrelink payments I don’t see how this will work with buying a family home.
Enter his mate. This guy has been a lifelong friend and has offered my husband the opportunity to ‘invest’ in an investment property with him. They will be using the mate’s partner’s house as guarantor. However, they want me on the loan, and I am not convinced.
AITJ for not supporting my husband in this? Yes, there are many potential benefits, however, the risks terrify me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t do it. There’s some sort of government scheme that allows you to buy a house with gov assistance but they only have a few places a year, I would investigate that before going down this track.
This investment scheme sounds dodgy af. If you can’t afford a house, you should definitely not be investing in one. The market is at an all-time high and there will be a recession, really not the best time.” whimsicaluncertainty
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Depending on which state you are from, you and your husband will probably lose the first home buyer grants and any other government aid. And you would need to be very careful with this and agree beforehand on what would happen if the partner wants out.
Or if there is a breakup and the partner no longer wants to be guarantor. What happens if the friend doesn’t want to pay the mortgage? What if a repair is needed, and some of you don’t agree with that, or the tradesman selected?
If you and your husband are on the loan, will you be 2/3 of the mortgage then? Or is the partner part of it? Does your husband want a home to live in, or an investment?” YetEvenThen
Another User Comments:
“Centrelink …. So you come from a land down under. Awesome, so do I, and I know housing is outrageously expensive and that if your partner is receiving welfare (I’m guessing family tax benefit and jobseeker) which would be calculated to include your income then you aren’t earning much money.
You’re right, the investment property idea is ridiculous. It involves four adults at least two of whom have marginal incomes. Your husband wants a house? Check out the budget the government has expanded its guarantor for first home buyers.
Put your kids in daycare (which will be heavily subsidized given your low income), tell your hubby to get a job, and save like crazy. Don’t eat out, don’t go on vacation, don’t buy so much as a morning coffee and in 4 years you may have enough for a 2 bed 1 bath apartment in the worst suburb in your city.
Unless you live in Adelaide, we just picked up another investment property there for under 500k with a great rental yield, but we know its capital growth will be nothing. Good luck and save like crazy.” throwAWweddingwoe
3. AITJ For Choosing My Dream University Over Staying Home To Help My Sister Care For Our Parents?
“I’ve (19F) been accepted to my dream university which is across the country from where I live. My older sister Sarah and I have always been close, especially since our parents have had major health issues in recent years.
Sarah lives about a 10-minute drive away from her uni to help out at home, while I’ve been focused on getting into a top-tier university regardless of the location. When I got the acceptance letter I was ecstatic, but my sister was devastated. She immediately confronted me saying that my decision to move so far away was selfish and irresponsible.
She argued that it was unfair to leave her alone to handle our parents’ needs.
Our parents are very supportive of my dreams and believe I should go where I’m happiest, but they also depend heavily on Sarah for daily support.
She feels betrayed and overwhelmed, insisting that I’m abandoning my family and placing an unfair burden on her. She’s spoken about her disappointment to our extended family, making me out to be the villain in this situation.
This has created a lot of tension and I’m now second-guessing my choice, feeling unsupported by most of my extended family despite working so hard to get into this uni.
I want to pursue my education and future career without regrets, but I can’t ignore the guilt and family conflict my decision has caused. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and neither is Sarah. I am however giving your parents the side-eye as it’s unfair of your parents to put so much reliance on you both – it’s tough for Sarah if she feels that she has to provide support, and it may be that the answer is for her to limit how much she does, to ensure that she can also actively participate in life as a student.
If extended family are criticizing you then ask them what support they are offering, to take some of the burden off Sarah. It might be helpful if you were to sit down with your parents and point out that the pressure and dependence they are putting on Sarah is unreasonable, and, before you leave, offer to help them source other help.
You are not the one putting an unfair burden on Sarah, they are, but if you support Sarah in putting in place firm boundaries and limits on the amount of support she can provide, then it is more likely that they will take it seriously.
Also – what is the long-term plan? You and Sarah are both adults – given your current stage of life it’s reasonable to assume that you will both be moving towards independence, looking for jobs that may well not be local. Your choice not to go to a local university, and Sarah’s decision to do so, may have affected the timing, but the reality is that your parents were always going to need to make plans about how they would meet their additional needs when the two of you left home.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Are your parents disabled? You’re young, so they can only be so old. Are you and your sister expected to not live your lives for the next couple of decades? Your parents are happy to support your dream, but are they aware of how much they’re burdening your sister?
If your sister is already bearing most of the burden, I can’t blame her for worrying how she’ll take on more. Did your parents expect her to stay close since it’s her job as the eldest to care for them while encouraging you to live for yourself?
I don’t think you should sacrifice your future either, so I don’t fault you for pursuing a higher education at a distinguished college. I’m kind of side-eyeing your parents though, which is why I’m curious about how this situation came to be.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are not the jerk for wanting to go and live your life and focus on your education but you are coming off as very self-centered at worst, and just simply unsympathetic at best. Yes, you should live out your life but so should your sister.
She wants to continue her studies as well, but being the oldest, the unfair burden of caring for your parents will fall on her shoulders if you go. She has the right to be angry that these expectations are being placed solely on her shoulders while you get the supportive parents who want you to go and live out your dream.
Do you think she can manage to do it all alone and still have enough time for her studies, let alone a fraction of that time for herself?
So, no you aren’t the jerk but you come off as very unsympathetic towards your sister and the sacrifices she is expected to make just because she is the oldest while you get the support from your parents.
It isn’t your fault but it isn’t hers as well. So while her anger is misplaced, she has a right to be mad at the terrible situation that’s being forced upon her considering you two probably aren’t that far apart in age.
I mean, you are just starting your college studies and she is already there, she probably isn’t much older than you, yet she is expected to care for BOTH of your guy’s parents. My advice is to talk to your sister.
Look at the things from her perspective and tell her that you understand why she is angry, and that she has the right to be angry, but not at you. She should be angry at your parents and relatives.
Talk to her and convince her to talk to your parents together, try to find some alternative for their care. Out of all the relatives that are being harsh on you, some should be able to help at least partially so your sister can finish her studies.
Either that or look at finding paid care providers for your parents. At the end of the day, it’s their responsibility to care for themselves.” Asobimo
2. AITJ For Complimenting My Partner By Calling Her A Smart Girl?
“I was trying to assemble a desk I bought for like 2 hours without success even after watching videos and reading the instructions multiple times so I called my partner for help and she figured out where I was messing up in just a few minutes.
I know it sounds weird but honestly, I was amazed seeing her trying to figure it out and succeeding in a short amount of time so I told her that she is such an amazing and smart girl.
She got up and gave me an upset look. When I asked her what was wrong she angrily said to never call her a girl again even as a compliment. Mind you I am not a native speaker so I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it.
I’ve heard people refer to young women as girls and even my partner did that multiple times (“There is this girl in my class …” “I know this girl who…”)
I tried to apologize and told her that she was an amazing and smart woman but still she didn’t accept my apology and said that my compliment wasn’t genuine anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“The problem is that by calling her a ‘smart girl’ it’s implying that it’s outside of the norm for girls to be smart. ‘Girl! You’re so smart!’ would be okay. But think:’ You’re brilliant!’ Or just a plain: ‘You’re smart!’ would be better going forward.
It’s that you put smart in front of the word girl. As a non-native speaker, this subtext/context is probably tricky. Like learning the difference between a butt dial vs a booty call. Going to say no jerks here because I understand why she’s offended, but also think you genuinely didn’t know how it would sound to her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Colloquial English lesson time! If you put an adjective in front of “girl” it becomes patronizing (that is, it sounds like you’re talking down to the person). For example: – good girl – clever girl – naughty girl.
These are all things you only say to a child under 10. If you say them to an older female it’s insulting. It implies the woman is a child and implies you have the position of judging them.
Calling someone a good girl is a judgment that elevates yourself, but just saying she’s clever is a compliment. Weird, I know. There are times when “girl” is absolutely fine, for example: going out with the girls.
If in doubt, say “woman” or choose another sentence structure that doesn’t include a noun (Eg “Wow you are so clever”). Adults can have a visceral reaction to being called “girl” or “boy” because it taps into either childhood issues or racism (eg if you call a black man “boy”).
No jerks here.” RaysUnderwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you didn’t know better. Yes, people do sometimes refer to women as girls casually, like in the examples you gave. However, when you’re complimenting a woman, it can feel very condescending to be called a girl.
It could feel like you are patronizing her… like “good girl” or “clever girl”, which are things you would say to a child or a dog. Again, context is important, I would say it’s more acceptable to refer to women as girls when they are in a group, such as “She’s having a night out with the girls”, or when referring to one woman who isn’t there “there’s this girl in my class”, but less acceptable/possibly rude to refer to a singular woman as a girl to her face.
Also, age matters, when referring to a singular woman, whether to her face or not. It is more acceptable to refer to young women as girls than women after their 30s or even late 20s. And when in doubt, just refer to women as women, and children who are girls as girls.
Hope that makes sense!” Just-Like-My-Opinion
1. AITJ For Announcing My Engagement The Day Before My Sister's Wedding?
“My and my partner’s fifth anniversary was on the 21st, a day before my sister’s wedding.
I had decided to propose on the day of the anniversary to make it even more memorable. After I came home, I announced our engagement in our group chat, which consisted of six people – my parents, sister, her then-fiancé now husband, brother, and grandma.
Everyone congratulated us heartily, including my sister.
But then, my sister sent me a private text saying that she was hurt that I stole her thunder by proposing on the day before her wedding. She said that I should have at least waited till after her wedding to announce the news.
I was frankly shocked and told her that I wasn’t planning on announcing the engagement at her wedding or something stupid like that, I just told family, but she didn’t listen to me.
I was a bridesmaid the next day, and she acted really cold with me throughout, especially when the people from the group chat privately congratulated me enthusiastically.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Christ, you didn’t steal anyone’s thunder. This bridal possessiveness over a freaking day really chaps my butt. Your sister needs to get over herself. It’s totally unattractive to be so precious over things like that.
I could understand if you’d hijacked her wedding day or any of the wedding prep days or events to announce your own news but you didn’t. What you did was absolutely fine. Do we all now need to observe a wedding month just so the bride can get even more attention?
The wedding is probably a waste of time and money anyway because they’ve been living together for years so no one gives a darn if they’re married or not. You did NOTHING wrong. It’s like saying you’ve ruined someone’s day by having your birthday in the same month as theirs.” busy_bumrush1412
Another User Comments:
“It probably changes depending on what culture you are from, but from my American perspective, you are NTJ. For the day before the wedding, the special event is typically the rehearsal dinner and that’s more about thanking the family for showing up and participating.
No one celebrates the anniversary of their rehearsal dinner. You didn’t announce it widely at the rehearsal dinner, but privately via chat. There was no public engagement, and you didn’t hijack any of her party planning, so you weren’t wasting her time/money.” Throwra98787564
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did it the day before the wedding. When family quietly congratulated with a hug at the wedding you quietly accepted and didn’t make a huge announcement. The date you proposed on was a significant date to you and your now fiance.
You did not simply choose the date because it was the day before your sister’s wedding.” DifferentFun9286
Even if it were just an ingrown toenail and ur wife wanted u beside her - that is she u are supposed to be. Beside HER.