People Get Hooked On These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Neighbor Won't Hand Over My Baby When Asked?
“Would you have problems with someone not giving you your baby if you asked more than once?
We’re super close with our neighbors, like consider them family and neither I nor my husband really have family. They are both in their late 60s and have 2 kids and 2 grandkids.
We do dinner there about 2x a week. The wife is my trusted sitter for my 10-month-old, she’s even who will have her when I am due with our second and last child in October.
Tonight I was holding my daughter and gave her to my husband so I could get up, he then gave her to the wife.
I got up and we all finished the conversation and when it comes time to leave my husband says you grab the baby I’ll grab the diaper bag and jumperoo. So I go to reach for the baby and she literally says no and starts talking about something else.
I literally said, “we will be seeing you tomorrow but she’s getting cranky and I’m tired so it’s time to go, thank you for dinner we really appreciate it!” Then reached for her again and just held my arms out waiting and she took another minute holding her and booping her nose and stuff while I just waited with my arms out fuming like give me my child.
My husband when we got home said “I think you have a problem with C, you need to fix that before we leave the baby with her while you’re in labor.” I said I literally had no problem whatsoever until she didn’t give me my child when I asked and he said “well then just give her more time with her, I mean what’s waiting 2 more minutes while she talks to her, she misses her babies and feels so loved when she holds a baby again.”
My problem is this has happened twice now. Except the first time she ended up holding her another 20 minutes while talking, so I just went and sat back down until she got up and gave me her back so she could feed her dog. I don’t know if I’m being a jerk like my husband says, but I feel like when a mother is holding her arms out for her child it’s maybe time to say goodbye?
Especially if that mother is in the sun outside literally saying goodbye and reaching for the baby then just sitting there longer because I’m told no with my own child??
But my husband also says her 2 kids only had one kid each and are done, those kids are 5 and 7, so she won’t hold very many babies anymore, and just wait and let her hold her longer if she wants.
(If I’m not the jerk, how do I make this not happen again? I avoid confrontation as I have high anxiety so something I could say that isn’t rude but does the job would be lovely.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She crossed the line by outright refusing to hand over YOUR child back to YOU when she’s asked. As much as she’s affectionate and cares for your child, she needs to understand where the boundaries are set as someone who is not related to your child.
It’s best to sort that matter out before she gets carried away and does the same stuff with your other child on the way. Otherwise, look for another sitter if she keeps being inappropriate. Your child will grow up and will soon need to learn about adults they can TRUST.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t have kids of my own and I adore children, I am always sad to hand them back. I’m very involved with my friends’ kids, but I’d never refuse to hand them back. The only time I’d come close to saying no is sometimes if a kid is having a tantrum or a baby gets fussy, Mum or Dad might come to get them.
I’ll say “it’s okay, I don’t mind, I can deal with it” …. which is not a refusal, just me reassuring them that they don’t need to rescue me or take back control and I’m fine with handling the kids at harder moments not just enjoying the cuddles.
I am quite good at soothing most situations and think maybe it’s nice for parents to be able to hand off a tantrum once in a while. If they say anything else after that suggesting they WANT to intervene (eg they aren’t just feeling obligated to save me), I will step back.
If it wasn’t the case that your friend might have misunderstood and been trying to be helpful, then yeah she has boundary issues.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is rude but (I know I am getting downvoted for this one) if it makes you feel any better I think your neighbor looks to you more as a daughter and your child as a grandchild.
Now this is in no way excusing her actions because she is your child. But what you are describing sounds like something a grandparent would do. Last minute lovings on the baby. Is it rude? Yes. Do you have a right to be upset? Absolutely.
Do I think this lady absolutely loves you and your family? Without a doubt. Like I said this in no way takes away from your irritation or your right to be upset. I agree it is rude. But I honestly don’t think she does it to be rude or disrespectful.
I also think it’s that generation. I think she does it out of love and loneliness. Still not an excuse by no stretch of the imagination.” Lonely_Shelter_4744
19. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Family I'm Autistic And Don't Want Kids?
“I (27F) recently got engaged to my partner (28m) and I haven’t spent much time around his family because they live across the country. So we plan a trip to go see them and for me to get to know them.
Basically, it went down like this – we are staying at their lake house. I’m sitting outside chilling with my fiancé’s sister and her husband while their kids play. My fiancé warned me his sister is kind of nosy and to feel free to tell him if she’s prying and he’ll warn her off.
And she did ask me a ton of questions, but I honestly didn’t mind. She seems like a genuine kind person. And she asks me if me and fiancé are gonna have kids. And I’m like “no lol” and she’s like yeah I figured my brother never did want kids.
Why don’t you?
And I say, kind of jokingly, that well I’m autistic and I know I was a nightmare to raise, and autism has high heritability so I don’t want to deal with that. But also if my kid wasn’t autistic I’d be like “what is even your deal?” to them most of the time.
So it’s a lose-lose either way. Again I’m kidding (kinda) and they laugh along and honestly, the whole convo just seemed like a nice getting-to-know-you thing.
But then I’m going to bed that night and my fiancé comes in and is angry.
And he starts like whisper yelling at me (we are also staying at the lake house so I guess he didn’t want anyone to hear) And he’s like “why did you tell my family you’re autistic? They are my family it’s my responsibility to share these kinds of things when and how I see fit.” And I’m like “What kind of things?” And he’s like “big news like my fiancée is autistic and we won’t be having kids!”
So apparently the sister mentioned our convo to their parents, and his mom had a meltdown about how I’m gonna give autism to her grandbabies. So I say “ew that’s gross of her.” And he didn’t like that and got even more mad.
But I point out that I’m not in fact having any babies. And he says she didn’t believe him when he told her that and was holding out hope and I know how moms are (which I don’t my mom doesn’t care if I have kids.) Plus his sister has two kids!
Anyway, he says I’m being obtuse, and that my having autism is a big part of our lives, and so is us not having kids, and I can recognize that, which I concede. And he’s like well I think it’s my job to tell my family big news.
And I’m like I kind of see your point on the no kids thing. But I can tell whoever I want about my autism it’s like who I am. And he gets frustrated and is like I’m going to sleep and he basically ignored me the rest of the night.
It’s been super awkward since then with his family. His sister apologized profusely for starting trouble. I don’t know, it doesn’t bother me that she told anyone and she seemed sincere in her apology. That may be naive.
His mom is being super chilly and hostessy.
Which she kind of was before but now double. His dad is pretty checked out I don’t know if he even cares.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who’s also autistic, ASD plays a large role in shaping your personality. It’s a part of who you are.
Your fiancé definitely seems to be embarrassed by you being autistic, and disclosing whether or not you’re autistic is up to you. And your future MIL is most definitely ableist. I mean, freaking out over “giving her grandbabies autism!”? Disgusting. Even if you were to have children, being autistic is not some horrible awful thing.
Autistic people can and do live wonderful fulfilling lives. Why are allistics like this? And I would, at the very least, strongly reconsider this whole relationship if your fiancé can’t accept something that is literally a part of you.” azelmaandeponine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anything about you is yours to tell whomever you wish.
It’s your information, not your partner’s. Also, it is your decision when and if to tell someone, not him. If he wanted you to not tell something to his family, he not only needed to tell you, explicitly but also tell you why.
And this whole ignoring you – this is emotional manipulation. Your partner and his mother are using this to punish you for what you did. This isn’t a good sign for the future of your relationship. Your partner needs to understand you are his fiancée, not his possession – he can’t tell you what to do and expect you to obey his demands.
You are an independent human being and should be an equal partner in this relationship.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is the jerk. Who is he to dictate who you can and can’t disclose your own diagnosis with? Also, it’s not a big deal to flip out about.
You were meant to be getting to know each other. You opened up to his sister and she shared it with their parents. It really isn’t anything bad, but his mom sounds like a jerk. It’s gross that he’s mad at you, he should be mad at his mom for being a bigot.
Do you want to have in-laws that react that way to learning you have autism? Even if they live across the country, they’re his family. He’s going to want them in his life, which means you’ll be subjected to their judgemental comments and whatever else they bring.
Do you want a husband who gets angry with you instead of the people he should be mad at?” UnderwaterAlly
18. AITJ For Refusing A Fast Food Delivery Because The Driver Was Smoking In The Car?
“I ordered some pizza and fries from a fast food chain that I like because they do not cost too much. I was craving pizza.
After my online order, which I paid for, I waited for my delivery.
After an hour I received a call from their restaurant saying that they had attempted to deliver, and called me 3 times.
I would have known if they did ring. However, if there was a problem with the door downstairs… it could not have rung. But I got 0 missed calls and my phone was on full volume. As a matter of fact, I answered their (restaurant) call!
So they tell me that their delivery person will come back.
I waited watching outside to make sure I did not miss them… Here they come. The delivery person is not alone, there is a second person in the car. It’s fine. I mean, you get company why would I judge.
Only that this person is smoking in the car.
At this point, I do not want this delivery. Just the fact that they are smoking in that car made me really uneasy… so I call the restaurant and I ask them to take the order back and they said that they would refund me.
AITJ for refusing delivery because someone was smoking in the car?”
Another User Comments:
“I do customer service and dispatch for a food delivery service, and if I got your call? I’d be massively embarrassed and apologize profusely while refunding your order. That driver would be on the way out the door immediately.
For goodness sake, I smoke, but smoking around people’s food is just gross. What they do in their own home is their business, but this is their job! Food safety issues alone. Who wants a smoke-permeated bag of food? I’ve delivered before, so this just boggles me.
And drivers wonder why a lot of customers choose to wait to tip until after they receive the order. Um. They might just want to make sure they’re tipping appropriately for the service they receive. NTJ.” NiceJabThat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I doubt them smoking in the car would have been noticeable in the food, kitchen staff used to smoke like chimneys while working even at top-level restaurants.
But after waiting an hour I get why your patience had run out so no foul on your part.” dyllandor
Another User Comments:
“Depends what your order was in, nearly all of the food delivery drivers in my region have those hot/cold food bags that are zip-sealed so smoking in the car wouldn’t affect whatever was in the food.
Also, if the restaurant is not providing a company vehicle then I can assure you that any personal car will have some level of dirt, mess, and disgustingness to it. I’d say you’re kind of a jerk because unless it was unsealed/smelling of smoke then your food is fine.
NTJ for being annoyed about the miss-delivery and wait for your food.” braw_mince
17. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Own Blender And Cup That My Roommate Is Using?
“I bought a really nice blender when I first moved out for college about a year ago. At home, I shared a blender with my family and they would constantly forget to wash the cups and when they would they’d always leave them to dry with lids on so they always smelled really moldy.
I pretty much survive on protein shakes since I find it too difficult and time-consuming to make multiple meals a day, hence the expensive personal blender purchase when I moved out.
A few months ago I moved into a new apartment with some friends. My roommate has a sort of subpar blender and asked if he could use mine instead, I agreed and gave him his own labeled cup to use.
This past weekend some of our friends came over and decided to make mixed drinks in the blender and he said sure, and they used my cup instead of his. Normally this would not bother me at all, but the cup has been missing ever since.
My roommate likes to make his shakes at night and takes them to the gym in the morning.
I got home pretty hungry from work tonight and asked if I could put his drink in another cup so I could use his cup to blend, and he wouldn’t let me.
He said I was being ridiculous and crazy for even asking since it’s his cup. Told me I was being a jerk for taking stuff back and that I should just use his subpar blender. Which I ended up doing and my drink ended up super chunky while my perfectly capable blender was sitting right there on the counter.
I’m so tempted to just take the blender to my room at this point. AITJ for asking to use his cup and taking the blender base?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s list this
1. You brought the blender
2. You were kind enough not only to let your roommate use it but to label him a cup
3. He and his friends used your cup and lost it
4. Now he doesn’t want you to use your own blender….and is mad at you for asking to use the cup that is left. He can go boil his head.
You have a couple of options 1.
Tell your friend he owes you a cup and you are either taking back the one you gave him or he can find the lost one or he is replacing the one he lost (send him the link for a replacement cup). You don’t care which.
2. Take back the cup and the blender and move it to your room. The problem with this is it makes it inconvenient for you as well. I am going to add that people treat you the way you allow them to. You need to consider if this situation is a wider indication of you behaving like a doormat and letting people walk all over you…..
you need to stand up for yourself and be less accommodating. The fact that you are on here asking if you are a jerk for wanting to use your own property and not just effectively giving it away against your wishes does suggest that you do need to put yourself first a little more.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sharing your stuff with your roommate(s) is always tied with the expectation that they will take good care of it when they use it and also that you using it takes priority over them using it. If your roommate cannot do that, it is perfectly within your rights to just pack it up and keep it in your room for your own use only.
If you’re the one who let him have the labeled cup, it’s still actually yours. You might have to write the cups off as a loss and get new ones if he’s petty, but you absolutely shouldn’t feel bad about revoking his blender privileges.” No_Zucchini_3413
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep a good distance from this roommate. I’d put the blender in my room but you will probably suffer consequences. Tell him you’re considering moving over the issue. Your cup is missing, he wouldn’t let you borrow “his” cup so you had to use his blender and your drink came out chunky.
No that is just not acceptable behavior on his part. Tell him to return your missing cup and he cannot use your nice blender again. I think you’re referring to a Nutri Bullet-type blender. Cups are important and there’s just so much life in each blender.
Tell him to buy his own. They go on sale after Christmas in January.” AdEffective4919
16. AITJ For Ordering A Whiskey Sour Not Listed On The Bar Menu?
“My friend took me to a bar she likes and I “embarrassed” her. I looked at the menu and saw nothing I liked. She ordered and when the bartender turned to me I asked for a whiskey sour.
The bartender had no further questions.
My friend looked at the menu and asked where what I ordered was. I said it was a basic drink, like an old-fashioned or a Tom Collins. All bartenders know how to make them. She said that was very rude, to not order something on the menu and ask for something special. I said it wasn’t special because there are basic drinks every bartender in the world can make that all bars have the ingredients for.
She said my behavior was “mortifying.”
Which of us was right? (Bartender made my drink correctly, so obviously knew how to make one.)”
Another User Comments:
“What planet is your friend from? She is acting ridiculous and the only person who has embarrassed herself is her!!
I cannot drink but I know a whisky sour is a basic drink and as you say any bartender can make it. Your friend seems to think this bar is extra special and obviously felt rather special herself being there and then you upstaged her by asking for something off the menu, sort of showing a bit of extra knowledge or dare I say style.
Or maybe she just fancied the bartender. I’m sure if she asks around she won’t find many appalled people just confused as to why she is making such a big fuss.” Fun-Attorney4071
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I think your point is proven by the fact that bars, generally, do not list every single drink available on their menus, including classic ones.
Because what is the point? I order a G&T generally, and I have never gotten any comment from any server/waiter/bartender ever, regardless of whether it is off or on the menu (and oftentimes it is not on the menu unless there is some specialty variation of it).
I don’t know how old your friend is or whether they regularly go out, but this seems like an issue of exposure. Anybody who frequents bars sufficiently knows how these things work and that you did the right thing. I cannot even believe you are second-guessing yourself enough to write in!” TA_totellornottotell
Another User Comments:
“I was a bartender for 9 years – I’ve never even come across someone like your friend. Her stance is bizarre and I’d love to know where she got this idea. A whiskey sour is one of the most basic, simplest drinks you can make.
It’s a staple in the cocktail world. And even if it wasn’t, bartenders love a challenge (not like a whiskey sour is a challenge). I used to love when people would ask for something I never heard of and then instruct me on how to make it.
When they said it was good, it made me happy that I got it right and learned a new drink. It didn’t happen that often, maybe 3 or 4 times in those 9 years, but still. I didn’t mind at all. Tell your friend that you got a long-time bartender’s opinion of the matter and they said she’s 100% wrong and she needs to not feel so self-conscious about something so innocuous.
It shouldn’t have even been on her radar to notice as unusual, let alone make a stink over. NTJ.” SammyLoops1
15. AITJ For Asking A Mom To Turn Down Her Kid's IPad While I Was On A Serious Call?
“Yesterday I was waiting for my license where the line was extending roughly to the parking garage.
There was this mom with an iPad kid who was rolling on the floor watching YouTube Kids at full volume much to everyone’s dismay with no headphones.
I then got a phone call from my roommate where he informed me of some serious news that I’d have to testify for a cop and the R.A on the phone because his friend left a white claw can in a booze-free dorm (he doesn’t drink but my roommate might’ve been in trouble legally).
As I was doing that I kept getting distracted by the kid on his iPad so I told the cop to wait a minute as I told the kid’s mom that I was talking to a cop and I couldn’t be distracted by her kid and to ask her kid to turn his iPad down.
She got all upset and told me “You can just step outside my kid can listen to whatever he wants.”
I told the mom to kindly do this as other people were also annoyed by his iPad.
She gave in but told me “You had no right to intervene.”
I finished my call and got my roommate outta trouble but after she told her kid he could turn the volume back on and both gave me a look.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you asked only when you got a call. I don’t get the other comments who are saying you’re in a public space.
The mom and kid are in a public space too and the mom shouldn’t have her kid on iPad with volume out loud like that. Why do only you have to follow public rules and not the mom? Plus you asked the mom only when you got the call otherwise you were ignoring the kid.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ well yes you were in a public space that doesn’t give other people the right to be disruptive to those around them. When you’re in public you need to be aware of and respect other people. If indeed you did politely let her know that you were on a phone call that you couldn’t hear and ask her “can you have your child turn that down for a couple of minutes”?
I personally would not have a problem with it, but I wouldn’t have let my child be obnoxious in the first place. I work in education with young children, and one of my side jobs is to teach children how to behave in public; field trips, in the classroom, and social cues.
Because I am petty, I probably would have found something like Cardi B and blasted it at full volume.” Booklovinmom55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking her to do it. Not an idiot for finding it annoying but just one wee thing. Is it possible this kid is hard of hearing?
Mum’s probably gotten those comments a million times. Before you say, then she should buy him headphones, she probably has and he’s lost them or can’t afford them. I’m hard of hearing and sometimes my volume is too high but if it’s bothering other people, I try to read the room and keep it reasonable.
If someone asks me to turn it down, I feel awful and embarrassed and I turn it down. I will be eternally grateful to the lady on the bus who asked me compassionately, “Are you hard of hearing? Your phone is a little loud.” I turned it down and said yes I was and she recommended really good cheap earbuds for me.
Bless her heart.” kdnona
14. AITJ For Not Looking Up The Original Owner Of My Rescued Cat After Finding A Missed Microchip?
“8 years ago, a malnourished cat followed me home. I gave her some food and water, and she hung out in my yard for a while, then left. She kept coming back and crying at my door to be let in for a week.
I’d let her in, and she’d leave again. Eventually, this cat just stayed on my porch crying, and I finally decided to just keep her. She got vet care, and no microchip was found. I kept an eye out for lost kitty posters but never saw any, and my new kitty became a well-fed, happy-napping house cat.
A perfect kitty with a new life.
Eventually, we moved an hour away, and obviously, kitty came with us, as she is a beloved member of the family. We got her in with a new vet recently, and in her discharge paperwork, I noticed a microchip number.
So obviously, her first vet missed it when she was scanned in our old town. It has been 8 years.
WIBTJ for not pursuing finding out who the chip is registered to? She was in really rough shape when she decided to live with me, but I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes. Definitely. You would be the jerk. We had a cat escape the house because he thought that going on a walkabout would be a fine thing. It was not. We put up posters, hunted, and lost hope. About 7 months later we got a call from animal services.
They wanted to know if we knew what kind of shape he was in (which tells you about the people they deal with regularly). We were so happy even though there had to be an immediate rush to the emergency vet. If, instead, our adventurer had found another home, I would be so relieved to know he was safe.
Even 8 years later. Upset about the chip failure but knowing he was ok would be everything.” congrrl
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. Obviously, it’s your cat now, but someone loved her enough to get her microchipped and they deserve to know what happened to her.
Maybe they moved and left her behind, maybe she got lost or ran away and couldn’t find her way back. There is no way to know how she was treated before she came to you, but the nice thing to do is at least reach out to the previous owner and let them know that she’s safe and well-loved. One of our cats disappeared almost 14 years ago and I still wonder what happened to him.
Closure is a great gift.” tryingagain80
Another User Comments:
“I have super mixed feelings about this, but I think I’m going to go with a soft you would be the jerk. I’ve been lucky enough that the few times my cats went missing they’ve come back home.
I was crazy distraught each time. Even if she was in rough shape when you took her in, it may just have been from her ‘wild’ life after leaving her home. I completely understand the fear that they might want her back though, that’s why I say soft. I wonder if there’s a way to anonymously let the former owners know that she’s alive and well and living a happy life?” expectahotmess
13. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Wedding After She Deadnamed My Trans Son?
“I’m a 45-year-old single father of three. Their mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17-year-old Andrew, 15-year-old Connor, and 14-year-old Max.
Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago and has now socially transitioned, not yet physically.
My sister (38F) just got married. My sons and I were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much.
My sister is pretty indifferent about it.
Her wedding was really super well organized to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirts and ties and then women sundresses. I texted her a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said “where’s Nia’s dress?” I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he’ll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of the men there or we aren’t coming.
She said “fine” and that was it.
At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie but didn’t say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card said “Nia”. I went to my sister and she said she used “their real name”.
I told her the boys and I are leaving and she told me “don’t you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day”. I called her a jerk and we left.
My family says I ruined her wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister ruined her own wedding when she chose to be a bigot over a child that isn’t hers. Transphobia is one thing, but transphobia targeted towards a teenager is pathetic. Especially when you wanna consider that teenager’s family.
I think the deadnaming is her messed up way of trying to disprove Connor’s identity.
If she keeps referring to Connor as the deadname it will make things revert to the way they were 2 years ago. But all she is doing is toxic and driving a wedge further between you. You did the right thing Dad by standing firm and backing up Connor!
My mom always said, “Idgaf if I cause a scene, you’re not gonna mess with my babies.” Sure you might have caused a scene and your family might be salty for now but your son will always remember the day his dad supported his identity.
I think that’s worth a lot more than going to a wedding.” BananaSignificant771
Another User Comments:
“My mum tried to force me to wear a dress to my grandma’s funeral (I’m a trans guy) because she said it was “appropriate” so I sent her a photo of me in a dress (I’m a very hairy guy) with the caption, “nothing says appropriate like a man in a dress.” She soon backed off.
But then I’m a fully grown adult capable of defending myself, thanks so much for looking out for your son, you are a fantastic dad.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good job standing up for your son. You didn’t ruin the wedding. The bride ruined her wedding by choosing to allow her bigotry to dictate her decisions.
It would NOT have been hard to label the card with Connor’s name and accept that he’ll be wearing a suit and tie. The only reason it was hard for her is bigotry. Plain and simple. Again, good job for standing up for Connor!!!
Don’t for one second let her make you think you’re the jerk here.” zszal
12. AITJ For Accidentally Dripping Soapy Water On My Neighbor's Plants While Cleaning My Patio?
“Today we brought home a dirty table and chairs and were cleaning them and our deck/patio with soapy water. I didn’t realize however, that in the last few days, our neighbor moved some potted plants under her patio, so when we finished washing our table and chairs and rinsed them off with a bucket, naturally the soapy water went through the cracks in our deck, and a small amount did fall onto her 5-6 potted plants.
As we were washing off the 2nd chair she let out a blood-curdling scream yelling “What the heck are you doing! I have plants down here I don’t care what floor you’re on!” Naturally, I tried to tell her it was just soapy water and wouldn’t hurt her plants, and that if anything we would do something to fix it, but she wasn’t having it.
We proceeded to clean up the remaining soapy water with a wet towel and wiped up our deck with another towel instead of continuing to rinse the deck.
After that, about 15 minutes later, I went down to her apartment to try and talk to her, but she didn’t answer the door and after I waited about 30 seconds, she shut off her lights.
Am I the jerk here for washing the table and patio?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I lived in a 25th-floor condo for years. Clean your deck when it’s raining. Seriously. Our building had strict rules and fines about water coming off the deck. You would presumably be upset if you were sitting on your deck and suddenly it started raining soapy water onto you.” -salisbury-
Another User Comments:
“I mean… You know you have other people’s patios below yours. You know you have spaces where water can get through. Can you not put two and two together and figure out that water is going to get on those other people’s patios?
What if a person was sitting out there innocently enjoying their patio, and you just dumped dirty water all over them? Would you still wonder if you were wrong? Or do you just not care and would do it anyway? YTJ for being either completely oblivious and unable to figure out cause and effect, or completely uncaring about anyone else’s concerns but your own.” MySquishyFishy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you wash furniture on your patio without regard for others beneath you you had better do it in the rain. Seriously. Dripping water on your neighbor is always rude. I used to scrub my deck in the rain because nobody was out there anyway and there is already water running down.
If you don’t want to do that make sure nothing is running off your patio.” Friday-Cat
11. AITJ For Uninviting My Homophobic MIL From My Wedding?
“I (24f) am getting married to my fiancée (25f) in September. We have been planning our wedding since October of last year and are still finishing up some things. My fiancée is the most talented and caring woman on the planet, and I am overjoyed to be marrying her.
However, my MIL is very much against the LGBTQ+ community and thinks that everyone who is a part of the community is a “sinner” and a “disgrace to god.” When we first announced we were getting married, she didn’t say anything. She just kept quiet and sort of avoided eye contact.
Obviously, we didn’t really notice this until later because we had announced our marriage at a family gathering with lots of people. Later, when most of the family had left, my fiancée went to go talk to her mom about how she felt, and before she could say anything my MIL went off on her.
She started talking about how this “way of life” is a sin and how the Bible says only a man and a woman should be married, and how we were sinners and we were going to (you know where lol).
The thing is, she seemed fine about our relationship when we were in a relationship, with a couple of comments here and there she really didn’t say anything.
However, when my fiancée asked her why she was fine with us in a relationship but not us getting married my MIL said, and I quote, “Well it’s because I thought you and your partner would stop the sin and break up.” We’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years.
When I walked over to my MIL and fiancée after cleaning up the tables and things, my MIL went off on me too and basically said the same things that she said to my fiancé, but she said I was the one responsible for this and that if we hadn’t been in a relationship then my fiancé wouldn’t have proposed to me and that I dragged her into a life of sin.
At this point, I felt like I was going to cry and was angry. I told my MIL, “Well, if you think this “way of life” is so wrong, then you will not be coming to our wedding and will not be in the wedding party.
If you can’t accept that your daughter and I are very homosexual and are getting married, then that’s a you problem, not an us problem. So if you want to be in our wedding, then shut the heck up and learn to accept that our relationship is not a sin.”
My MIL looked shocked and asked if I was REALLY going to kick her out of the wedding party, and I said yes. She started to cry and said that this was unfair and that she hadn’t been to a wedding in 20 years and she was just gonna go to acknowledge her daughter.
My fiancée looked like she was about to scream at her mom, so I just told MIL to get out of our house. She yelled at us one last time and left crying.
My fiancée apologized to me profusely for how her mother acted and said that she also agreed that her mother would NOT be in the wedding party and would not be going to our wedding.
She said she’d call her mother and MIL would be formally uninvited.
Edit: I called my mom and grandma and told them about it and they said that I was completely right and that MIL didn’t deserve to go to our wedding, but I also called my fiancée’s aunt and uncle and grandmother and they said that they think I’m the jerk for uninviting my MIL, who is my fiancée’s only alive parent.
My fiancée called up MIL and asked why she would still want to be in our wedding party even after she said we were sinners and disgraces. MIL said, (through sobs) “Because, it’s my daughter’s wedding day and I deserve to be in the wedding party after all I’ve done for you two!!
I’ve put off the embarrassment and shame of being related to a gay couple for far too long!! I DESERVE to be in the wedding party.” (Which how does that even make sense??)
Then, my fiancée asked her why we should want to have her in our wedding party/attend the wedding.
MIL responded with, “Because I’m her MOTHER. There shouldn’t be a reason as to why you should want me in the wedding party. I’m her mother, I should automatically be included.”
After some quarreling between my fiancée and MIL, we hung up the phone.
I looked at my fiancée and said, “We’re still not going to have her in the wedding, right? After all she did to us?” Fiancée said, “Of course. After the scene that she made, she really doesn’t deserve to go.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Ask her for an honest answer as to why she’d even want to be in the wedding party of a couple she considers a disgrace to God and whose relationship and marriage she not only doesn’t support but considers a sin.
Then ask her for an honest answer as to why you should want her (somebody who considers you a disgrace to God and your relationship a sin) in your wedding party.” DerTW13
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. It’s your wedding. Surround yourself with folks who want to be there to celebrate your marriage to this lady, the fact you’re both female be darned. If your MIL were there it sounds like she’d make it all about her and her feelings.
The fact your fiancée also agrees with this is the cherry on the cake. Congratulations and I wish you all the best on your upcoming nuptials!” NotMyUsualLogin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the contradiction of going off on you and then getting upset is very weird.
It’s a her problem and as long as she behaves I would allow her to come to your wedding but have a friend or family member on stand-by to escort her out if she says or does something inappropriate. Congratulations on your engagement.” RoseGold-Bubbles1333
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend The Crop Top Was Too Small For Her?
“I (25F) was shopping with my friends Jordana and Bea. Bea is not obese by any means, but I would describe her as bigger and maybe a little overweight. Sorry about how that sounds but it matters to the story. Anyway, we were in a department store and we were all in the same section shopping for tops and Bea holds up this really cute crop top to get our opinion.
I said it was nice and left it at that, but to be completely honest I was confused why she picked it up because it was really small.
Jordana just agreed and Bea went to try it on. When she came out it barely fit her.
It was bunching up, it was stretched across her chest, and the straps looked like they were cutting into her skin. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I said she looked pretty and she bought it. She wanted to wear it out of the store, but when she came out of the bathroom, she was complaining that one of the straps broke off and the fabric was ripping.
Bea wanted to go back to the register to return it for being “poor quality.”
Jordana stopped her and said she was sorry for saying it, but the crop top was not poor quality. It simply wasn’t the right size and she should get the right size from the plus size department.
Bea got so upset and told Jordana she doesn’t care what she thinks. She left without returning the top and we just went home. Bea called me before I went to bed to vent about how rude and fatphobic Jordana was and I tried to diffuse the situation by telling her that nobody was trying to be fatphobic to her, but the top was a small and she doesn’t wear a small.
It wasn’t meant to be offensive, but Jordana was just trying to say the top wouldn’t have busted if Bea had purchased her accurate size. I told her that’s a pretty logical argument in my opinion and it’s not personal or about her in any way.
She said I wouldn’t get it because I was skinny and my opinion doesn’t matter either. Then she hung up. AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“Uhm, everyone sucks here gently. 1 – don’t lie to your friend, if something doesn’t fit, just say, it looks a bit small or tight.
2 – your other friend, without knowing her tone, wasn’t being rude she was being honest, what she said was that the size was wrong. And for the record, I’m a bigger woman (sounds like bigger than Bea) and appreciate when people are honest but kind.
Like someone else here said, you Bea can’t ignore the fact that she’s not a small and then claim fatphobia if someone tells her something doesn’t fit. Bea sounds like she might be in denial.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I’m a bigger woman, and I can tell you what size I am in each store varies wildly. I usually range from a 2XL-4XL in tops- though I find in some stores there are not even sizes that can fit me even if they *say* “4XL” and in others I can fit into sizes as small as L (these are all standard retailers, not “plus size” specific).
I have broad shoulders so even though I have a more hourglass shape (wide in the hips and shoulders while tapered in the middle) I cannot choose my size based on what flatters my waist. So I shop larger and use accessories or tailoring to adjust to my body.
The current trend in a lot of fashion for women still heavily favors more lithe women with a less dramatic variation between shoulders, bust, waist, hips, and thigh (some notable exceptions, obviously) so when clothes are “sized up” it does not take into account that variation and clothing becomes needlessly complicated. I’m telling you this because it helps everyone understand how to talk when clothes don’t fit, regardless of why in a way that puts the problem onto the clothing (an intimate object with no feelings, opinions or past experiences) rather than the person.
So saying “that shirt is the wrong size, you need the next size up” which has a lot of negative baggage, say “they really did not have chests in mind with that shirt, we should find something that flatters you”. It doesn’t always work, of course, but women’s clothing sizes are an emotional minefield and it sucks.
Bigger, skinny, athletic, curvy; we can try on something that was clearly not designed for our body shape and feel inadequate. One of my dear friends is supermodel skinny, she often gets down about not having a large bust because she tries on clothing she likes and finds it looks weird and deflated. The problem is that no one could communicate properly, even if what was said was not done with mean intention.
Even Bea was acting out of embarrassment, rather than denial.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“ESH. First, don’t lie to your friend. If it looked bad on her, you can tell that to her in a body-positive way like “it’s hiding your sweet tattoo” or “the straps aren’t well made and are twisting, that will be annoying if you have to keep fixing them all day.” Or whatever is true about the shirt sucking, not the body inside.
Friends don’t let friends buy clothing that doesn’t make them look and feel good about themselves.
Second, if she literally can fit into a small top, she does not need to shop in the plus section. That was just the other friend being extra mean for no reason.
Although I wouldn’t phrase it this way, she could have said you needed a bigger size without the special section comment, so excluding and dismissive. Also, she shouldn’t have lied either.
Third, your friend Bea is an adult. Bea can make her own choices and decisions about when a return is warranted and if something is the right size or not.
Maybe it was too small and low quality? Maybe you don’t think she should be able to return it in the situation, but isn’t that between her and the store? Do you have the store policy memorized enough that you know if it breaks within a day and before a wash it’s returnable unless you were too fat to wear it and should have known it would rip?
Just let her ask to return it. She didn’t even say she was going to lie about it or anything, so this is the store’s decision and place to object.
Lastly, in general, let your friend rock a crop top if she wants to rock a crop top.
Make sure you didn’t like how the top looked beyond the fact that it didn’t cover or hide the parts you think your friend should cover or hide because they aren’t “attractive” to general society. Just something to consider if this comes up again.” LikeATortoiseRising
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take In My Half-Sister After Our Mother's Death?
“When I was around 2 years old, my mother left us (me 19M, Siddh 25M, Varun 30M, and our father) for her affair partner. That was the last time we saw her.
My dad unfortunately passed away last year because of a heart attack, so it’s been us three since then.
A month ago, we heard from our aunt (mother’s sister) that she passed away. I have no idea why but Varun wanted to attend her funeral so we did.
At the funeral, we found out that she had a kid Anaya (14F) with her AP. Varun and Siddh talked with her for a bit while I was talking to my aunt.
After the funeral, Varun and Siddh told me that they wanted to bring Anaya home with us (her father is a deadbeat who gambles and is a heavy drinker).
I was completely against the idea because we don’t have any responsibility towards her, it’s not like she’s going to an orphanage or something. My brothers have been trying to convince me but I’m not willing to change my mind. I do feel bad for her and know that she didn’t do anything wrong but I don’t think I can live with her.
I’ve been getting flak from my cousins (dad’s side) for not compromising. I just want some unbiased judgment/advice.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a super difficult and complicated situation, and I don’t think anyone involved is a jerk for feeling how they feel.
You’re allowed to not want to have this half-sister in your life. Your siblings are allowed to feel the opposite. Perhaps more relevantly, they’re allowed to want to help her. It’s not crazy that they want to prioritize this child’s safety and well-being above your feelings, no matter how important to them you are.
Everyone’s feelings are valid in this situation. How to proceed is a much more complicated question that may end with some resolution between the 3 of you, it may involve you 3 no longer living together, but no matter what it’s going to require open communication and some really difficult conversations” sr9876
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your brothers would remember your mom and as much as it may have hurt them what she did when she left. I can see why they would want a relationship with your half-sister. If you don’t want a relationship with her that’s fair but remember she is an innocent child in this and should not be blamed for your mom’s actions.
If the roles were reversed what kind of outcome would you want?” semcg
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Here are a few things to think about. You are absolutely right, this isn’t your responsibility, but your brothers are absolutely not the jerk for wanting to take on that responsibility, and, this isn’t something you can just go ‘No, we’re not doing that,’ and expect everything to go back to the way it was before.
It won’t. Your brothers’ feelings aren’t going to go away just because you say no, and, this could drive a real wedge between you if you’re not careful. You need to have a long talk with your brothers, be honest and open about your feelings about why you can’t live with Anaya, but, be ready for them to be honest and open back, and they might not be willing to compromise either.
Might one or both of them decide to move out in order to be able to take your sister in? Could they force the sale of the house, for example, if they feel strongly enough about it? You’re still very young and your brothers, especially Varun, have probably been taking on a lot of responsibility for the family now, so their perspective is probably a bit different on responsibility to yours, it doesn’t make any one of you right or wrong.
Perhaps there are other avenues you could explore. Maybe Anaya could live with your aunt if you were willing to accept her presence in your brothers’ lives, and she might be around a fair bit if they feel they need to help your aunt – you’ll need to discuss this with your aunt of course and let her decide if this is something she would be happy to help with, don’t just assume.
Most of all, you need to talk to your brothers about your feelings, and help them understand how you feel, but you also need to listen to your brothers and try and understand why they feel the way they do, and then try and arrive at a solution you can all accept, together.” history_buff_9971
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmom At My Graduation?
“My stepmom and my dad started seeing each other when I was in 2nd grade, and she has never once interacted with me in a positive way.
Every time she’s spoken to me in the last 10 years of my life, she has never once acted kind to me in any manner whatsoever. Whenever she and I are in a room together, she goes out of her way to avoid me.
The only kind of “relationship” we have is when she has me do something for her, or something that gets me away from her, whether it be for an extended period of time or just five minutes.
She’d never go to family events if I was coming, and she’d never play board games with me, or, do any sort of bonding with me.
Anyway, since I’m graduating from high school next week, I told all of my family about it, besides her.
Matter of fact, I went out of my way to inform her to not come to my graduation. Obviously, my dad being upset that his wife isn’t allowed to go to my graduation, calls me and yells at me for whatever reason. I told him that if he was going to bring her, he shouldn’t bother coming at all.
So am I being a jerk, or am I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve seen some of your replies. Ask your dad how you’re meant to have initiated any positive type of relationship with her when she actively avoids you at all costs, to the point of skipping family events if you were attending?
You tried, she pushed back. If she can’t handle your presence for 5 minutes then she doesn’t get to see you graduate and pretend to be stepmom of the century because it’ll look bad on him that she’s not there. And no. He brought her into your life.
It’s not your job as his child to get her to like you. It’s his job to make sure the woman he brings into his child’s life isn’t Lady Tremaine.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting aside all of your father’s nonsense and him placing his wife above his child, your graduation is about your achievements, your accomplishments.
You worked hard to get your diploma. It’s not about your dad or anyone you invite, and it is most particularly not about your stepmother. It is about you, so you surround yourself with the people you love and trust, who will continue to support, encourage, and celebrate you and your victories.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Don’t invite her. You deserve people around you who are supportive. She isn’t. Tell your dad unless she improves, she can expect to not be invited to your college graduation either. He’s a jerk for letting her treat you the way she has, and expecting YOU to do all the overtures.
Concentrate on the rest of your family and friends. Be prepared for him not to come. Congratulations! Have a fantastic time. Make sure to splash pictures of you and your invitees, all over social media. With captions such as how grateful you are to these people, who love and support you, how glad you are to have the most important people in your life there etc etc. Rub it in.
NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
7. AITJ For Only Donating $3 To A Charity After Buying A $300 Item?
“I (24F) just got home from the store, where I bought a close to $300 item that I’ve had my eye on for months. Definitely an unnecessary purchase but I don’t purchase expensive items like that all the time.
Long story short, the store that I bought the item from had a charity for children who can’t afford prescription glasses.
I was the only one in the store so all three sales associates were at the counter when I was cashing out. The woman who was cashing me out did the little charity spiel and I told her to add $3 to my bill and the woman looked very surprised. One of the other associates proceeded to make a comment about how $3 will only pay for half of a child’s lens and then laughed it off and said “I’m just kidding!” We all laughed but I felt awkward.
Two more comments were made before I was done checking out, including one along the lines of “you only said $3, right?” as she was typing it into the system. To which I replied yes.
I left the store feeling upset by the comments but on the train home, I was thinking maybe I DID look like a jerk for only donating $3 when I was purchasing an exorbitant $300 item.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Disregard all those charitable donation requests when checking out. Most are questionable charities that use a questionable amount of the collected funds towards the actual stated charitable purpose. I don’t care if they’re doing a roundup and my purchase is $99.99.
I’m not donating a penny and I make it clear to a manager that the request is inappropriate. It’s not the cashier’s fault.” Woodywoodpecker1000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, $3 would not pay half the costs of the lenses. The store associate doesn’t know the cost of lenses and they were rude.
Also, yes, a lot of that is a scam. They put you on the spot in the store in front of other people as a way to shame you. For example: Where I live, Toys R Us collects for Autism Speaks by asking to donate at the checkout.
The reality is that Autism Speaks is operated by corporate bigshots. Most of the “fundraising” goes to marketing and “research” or whatever, only 1% of their donations go to help people.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“That’s so so so incredibly rude of them, you should have asked them to match it cause I assure you they wouldn’t be donating 3 dollars an item either.
They should have never joked then continued to joke either but people are mean and dumb… my store used to FORCE us to ask and if we didn’t it could have gotten us fired. I did for a while but we lived in an improvised area so literally I was asking money from the people who needed that money.
They shouldn’t have done that. No, you’re not a jerk at all. NTJ.” Hetaria-ad-scientiam
6. AITJ For Pressing Charges Against My Partner's Friend Who Stole My Sentimental Doll?
“I (26M) have been with my significant other (26F) for almost 4 years. Last year I gave her a key to my house. She spends a few days there, but we don’t live together full-time.
A few days ago, I had to make a quick trip for work.
She asked me if she could invite a few of her friends to the house for a girl’s night (it was on Thursday). I accepted.
I returned yesterday in the morning. The first thing I noticed was that the rag doll missing from the wall.
My first instinct was to call my partner to ask if she had put it somewhere else, but she denied it and said the doll was there (it wasn’t).
I checked the GPS of the doll (yes, it has a GPS). The GPS marked the house of one of her friends, let’s call her Jess.
I tried to be nice and told my partner to tell her friend to bring it back before 5 pm and I’ll pretend this never happened or I’ll involve the police. She tried to fight it but I told her about the GPS.
Well, my partner called me back saying that Jess denied having the doll, we had a huge argument, and I warned her that I wasn’t playing about getting the police involved.
I waited until 5 and went to the police. We went to her house and got the doll back. I pressed charges.
My partner and I had a bigger argument about me pressing charges.
They (including her) knew the doll was made by my father. They could have stolen anything else and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
I gave her friend a chance and she tried to play stupid. They have been calling me a jerk and to drop the charges.
Edit:
- The doll is with me. It’s a rag doll, better said, it’s a raggedy Ann doll.
- My father had many hobbies, he tried making dolls and was planning to sell them, but the first one he made was a freaking raggedy Ann doll.
So it didn’t last (he was too manly to sell Raggedy Ann dolls, ridiculous, I know). He gave me that one. And actually, he made 4 more for my best friends. The doll was hanging in my room, but once he passed away, I hung it in the living room.
It has X’s as eyes and looks creepy because it looks dead.
- It has a GPS because my home was robbed 7 months ago, I don’t care if they clean the house as far as they leave the doll. I’ve more expensive items she could have stolen so I don’t know why she would steal the bloody doll other than a sick joke
- My SO never complained about it (at least not to me). I haven’t talked to her other than telling me to drop the charges. I will talk to her tomorrow to find out why she let her friend take the doll (they’ve been here before and never did anything like this).
And about our relationship, because right now, I’m thinking of breaking up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you trusted your partner and her friend, there’s no way she didn’t know that doll was missing, you probably can’t miss it. She needs to be more honest. Honestly maybe just break up with her because she obviously doesn’t care about how sentimental that doll is to you, and it wasn’t her place to not say anything.
As for her friend keep those charges. I can understand if she was a child like four years old and wanted to play with the doll etc but this is a grown woman who stole from you. She needs to learn that she shouldn’t be doing things like that.
Did she know how special that doll is to you? If she did that’s even more messed up. Keep the charges. Dump the partner and be at peace with your doll. Let us know how it goes!” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Seems like she told her friends she hates it and the friend said she’d sort it by taking it.
It was on the living room wall there is no way they didn’t see her do it or that it was gone. It also explains why she wasn’t angry at her friend or tried to investigate and just played dumb. She is upset now because she is probably the one responsible for the friend getting a police record and the consequences of it all.
That would more than affect a friendship and she could be scared the friend tells the truth and says partner gave her permission to do it. Then both would be charged. What I can’t figure out is why they didn’t just give it up and hand it back when you told her you know the friend has it.
They could have just said it was a bad joke and that they didn’t mean to hurt you but when sober were scared of admitting it and you being angry. Dump the partner the fact she did it knowing what it meant to you never mind the doubling down and turning it on you.
You’ve made a lucky escape learning how little she respects you.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“Dude that’s pretty messed up. Is the doll creepy-looking? Maybe, but it had a LOT of emotional value and that is what matters. Her friends said it was weird for you to have that, and you were too attached, but do they keep anything from deceased loved ones?
An old, beat-up locket? A tattered blanket? Should those things be thrown away because they aren’t pretty? No, and it was incredibly cruel to know just how much it means to you and let her friend take it anyway. If I were in her shoes, I’d ask if I could make a shadowbox display with the doll and add some decorations, then it could stay out and maybe even look cute.
That way I wouldn’t have to try and tell you it disturbed me and I could help you honor you‘re dad. Probably is cowardly to not admit that, but people aren’t perfect, and I think that’d be acceptable. But stealing is not.” Vythika96
5. AITJ For Asking A Fitness Trainer To Move Her 'Mom Boot Camp' From The Playground?
“Last summer we bought a new home, one huge perk being that it was close to our neighborhood park. My kids (4 and 2) love playgrounds and we like to go at least a few times a week.
We come to find out that a local fitness trainer hosts ‘mom boot camp’ type workouts at this park, twice a morning for 90 minutes each.
I’m completely supportive of moms trying to stay in shape while they have kids, but it’s really impacting my kids’ ability to enjoy themselves, as the moms will use the playground equipment to attach resistance bands, do elevated push-ups, or ‘step-ups’. My boys both mention that they have to avoid those playground areas while the moms are there.
We got to a point where we just tried to go before or after the classes, but with our nap schedule, it just hasn’t been working out.
Would I be the jerk for calling the trainer and asking her to move about 50 yards over to the big open field one day a week?
She’s not paying the city any amount to use the park, and making quite a large amount considering the amount of moms that usually are participating.
It just seems unfair (yes, I know, life’s not fair) that my kids can’t play freely on the equipment so that she can profit.
But I figured asking for one day to consistently have the playground equipment open to kids seems fair?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here if you are asking nicely. Are you sure she is charging? If you are absolutely sure you can research your local laws for commercial activity on city property.
My assumption would be it minimally requires a permit, which she may already have, and if she does then it means she is paying the city.
Could also be possible it’s 100% illegal and you just need to let the city know (no need to even ask the trainer).
Research your local laws to know what side you are on before picking your next move. Even if legal you could still ask, just harder to demand satisfaction if you are told to pound sand. Could always get some other moms to get there earlier one day and let the kids loose before her group shows up.” mikeyj198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While playgrounds generally don’t have an age restriction (I know some that do, but I (21F) love going on the swings or slide every once in a while), they are usually intended for the use of children. If a group of my friends want to be silly and play on the playground for a little bit like when we were children, we absolutely will.
But if children are already there or we see them approaching, we leave out of courtesy because it’s a space designed for children. Not a group of college students OR moms exercising. It is perfectly within your right to ask the instructor to move the group.
Just be ready for an adverse answer because many playgrounds are on public or government property and are open to anyone. Best wishes!” SydneyS0717
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ but I suggest not talking to the trainer but go to the city.
(If it was once or twice a week, YTJ) 1) Given your children are still young enough to nap, the classes are occupying a playground for 1/4-1/3 of the time young children would normally use it. This occupation is 5 days a week. 2) Their use of the equipment may damage it.
3) The bands could break and hurt another child or even themselves. 4) bylaws, ordinances and laws may be broken with what they are doing. The city would have these in place to reduce/eliminate lawsuits. 5) it interferes with the reasonable enjoyment of the playground.
How I would approach it, call the city as a concerned parent.
Explain that you’ve tried taking your children to the park (name it) every day for the last month or so between the times of the classes. Mention it’s only during the week, that you understand the park is for everyone but you are concerned for your children’s safety as the way the classes are using the equipment is dangerous, that you avoid going to the park during the times they are there, that you need to leave once they arrive due to safety concerns, etc. Many cities (at least where I live) allow for anonymous reporting.
If that applies, use that to your advantage. Continue going to the park, etc. If they get moved or told they can’t have classes on the playground and approach you to see if it was you, act surprised/sympathetic. Sketchy? Maybe. But it’ll keep the harmony – if their children are around the same age as yours or if they are in the neighborhood or in the same school catchment, it could cause problems for you and your children in the future (or even make it difficult to stay in the neighborhood).” Training-Banana5533
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Septic Pump Repairs As A Tenant?
“My wife and I live with her bestie. Bestie bought the house we were renting together, and everything changed. While rent was split equally, now we pay about 2/3 of her mortgage.
Shared areas were no longer shared, they are now all hers and if she isn’t mad over something, we get to use them as long as we follow her rules.
A while back, we got into an argument because she threw out some of my personal belongings because they were in her way.
The argument was basically, her house, her rules, I have no say, so suck it.
We got past it, but this morning our pump for our septic blew. We need a plumber to come out and drain it, and we have to replace the pump.
It was assumed my wife and I would pay half. I said no. She’s the landlord, it’s her house, and her responsibility for maintenance.
My landlord is mad because now she’s out over $1000, and my wife thinks I’m the jerk because I refuse to help pay.
Note, there is nothing in writing saying we share maintenance responsibilities one way or the other, and there is another tenant whose rent supposedly goes into a savings account specifically for maintenance.
So AITJ for basically using her own argument against her that she’s the landlord, her house her problem?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that is abundantly clear. All the other nonsense aside, a landlord is responsible for property maintenance always. Not the tenants. That’s one of the main attractions of renting. Seems like your wife’s bestie just wants her mortgage paid but doesn’t want the actual responsibilities of being a landlord.
Secondly, if you can, move out. The rest of your post was a mess. How can this woman control the house in such a manner when you pay to live there? Throwing out your things would have garnered the cops at her door if I were in your shoes.
This is a horrible situation for you to be in get out while you can.” debitum-naturae
Another User Comments:
“Maintenance is on the owner/landlord of the property. You, as a renter, are paying for living in a property with a certain standard. Do you have a contract of some sort with her?
You say there’s nothing in writing, but she comes up with ‘rules’ such as shared areas now being hers and throwing away your belongings. This is a bad arrangement. My guess is that she’s just bad at managing her property. So whatever money left over from rent is spent, and when a big expense she can’t/doesn’t want to afford comes up, she takes her issues with money on to you.
NTJ. Cliché, but you need to move out. Both for avoiding the headache, as it won’t become better in the future, and to save the friendship if that’s not too late.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, and as others have said you need to move out.
And have a heart-to-heart with your wife. Whatever affection she has for her “bestie”, the way the relationship has changed is unacceptable. You need to live somewhere where you can store your stuff safely and not be responsible for unexpected expenses (to a home in which you have no equity).
This is why folks constantly warn against renting to or from friends and relatives. One party (sometimes the landlord, sometimes the renter) will always seem to think that the business relationship will be lax because of the personal relationship. It’s better not to mix business and pleasure.
Try to talk to your wife about that – frame it as it being better for her friendship if you get out of this business transaction before it further sours the personal relationship.” diaymujer
3. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Parents' Used Tissues While Cleaning?
“I (24F) still live with my parents (47M and 51F) and my little brother (14M) because of multiple reasons: up until last year I was still a uni student and I couldn’t afford an apartment. I was supposed to move abroad last summer but due to unforeseen circumstances, I was denied my visa.
This project was the last thread keeping my sanity together and since last fall I have fallen into a deep depression and I am mainly staying at home right now. I am on the path of healing but it’s a long road.
Anyway, since I am at home all day, my mother wants me to do more chores, which I completely agree with.
So every day I try to make sure everyone comes home to a clean house: I vacuum, I clean what’s left of everyone’s breakfast, I tidy the house, I empty the dryer and fold the clothes, I charge and empty the dishwasher.
My mother and I have a complicated relationship, and we fight a lot, on many subjects.
But regarding chores, everything I do is never enough for her. If I vacuum, she would say “you forgot to dust this furniture before vacuuming, so it’s like you didn’t do it at all and I’ll have to do it now!” or “the way you put things in the dishwasher is so weird.
I have to reorganize everything now!”
Anyway, I’m doing my best while struggling with my mental health but it’s never enough.
This is where I might be the jerk. My parents have guests over tonight so all the family is in full cleaning mode. Everything must be clean, even upstairs and the bedroom because they might have another friend coming over who never saw the house (we moved last year), so everything must be clean because my mother will do a house tour to said friend.
I cleaned the upstairs bathroom and I vacuumed every room. But when I started to vacuum my parents’ room, I noticed a ton of used tissues on each side of the bed. This isn’t surprising since my father has allergies and my mother had a cold.
So I vacuumed everywhere around because I didn’t really want to touch their used tissues. I don’t know, it’s unhygienic and I was kind of annoyed that they expected me to pick them up. But now my mother is mad at me, she said I’m only doing half of the job and I was supposed to just pick them up.
I answered that I refuse to touch their used tissues and they could have easily thrown them away in the morning, and she got even more mad, saying they’re busy and I have nothing else to do.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Cleaning the house is one thing.
But your mother expecting you to clean her room because she and your father are “busy”? That’s ridiculous. It sounds like they just want to work and go home. Part of being an adult is cleaning up after yourself and it seems your mother wants you to do everything how she wants you to.
Dusting furniture is a part of the cleaning process, but there is no need for your mom to get mad about you forgetting it. And everyone loads the dishwasher differently. NTJ based on my statements here. But you should really have a talk with your mother about your mental health as it has a direct impact on your physical health and everything you do.” TheRealArrowSlit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my mom does this stuff too. My sister and dad live at home and they have to wait until she leaves the house to do any chores, because otherwise she’ll criticize the method, take over, and then complain about doing everything.
Like — they can’t run the dishwasher because she doesn’t like that they stacked the plate bowls in front of the plates, but her rules are always changing so she’s the only one “competent” enough to follow them. I once washed the dishes while my parents were at their anniversary dinner when I was a kid, as a surprise — and when they got home my mom just freaked out that I did the dishes because she assumed I did them wrong, and she couldn’t tell which ones were clean and which ones I washed, so she took down EVERY dish in the cupboard and rewashed them by hand while making a huge big thing about how I ruined her night.
A lot of people I think are going to take the “entitled adult child living at home doing nothing” angle but you cannot understand how lose-lose this situation is if you’ve never lived with someone like OP’s mom. If it wasn’t the tissues, it would be something else (and also, my mom leaves heaps of tissues on the floor next to her bed too — it is SICKENING!).
Best of luck, OP. Work on getting out of there as soon as you can.” Problem-Starchild
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I think it is indeed difficult to manage the relationships that you have with your family, I don’t doubt that. It is very difficult to clean a house that you’re not quite the owner of, like sure you live there, but everything is done in accordance with the head of the house, so your mother and/or father.
It is different to have your own place where everything is done as you’d like, and I found that managing my own space is so much easier because the difference in expectations is just not there. However, if you’re up there with a vacuum cleaner and only do some of the floor and then I don’t know take the vacuum cleaner somewhere else well what’s the point?
It is going to be blatantly obvious to point out the area which wasn’t vacuumed. The best way to go about it is to call your mother for advice on what she’d like you to do, not just leave it! Besides when you were a kid your parents literally wiped your butt, cleaned sheets you peed yourself on, etc. Surely you can pick up some tissues and clean your hands afterward?” izaby
2. AITJ For Feeding My Niece After She Was Punished By Going To Bed Without Dinner?
“I (M44) was staying with my brother (M39) for a few days. He has a 13-year-old daughter that we will call Amy. Amy is generally a very sweet kid but she can be a bit impolite sometimes.
We were talking and she said something rude. My brother told her to apologize to me but she refused. My brother then told her she couldn’t have anything to eat until she apologized. I told him to take it easy, I don’t want an apology, but he didn’t listen to me.
She is very stubborn and wouldn’t apologize and went to bed hungry.
I felt bad about it so after my brother went to sleep I made her a sandwich. The next day he found out about it and got really angry. Said I undermined his parenting.
I think the punishment was too much. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My mother and step-father did this to me for years. My step-father and I didn’t get along at all, so he would manufacture reasons to send me to bed without dinner, and since I wasn’t allowed to take lunch to school (he didn’t ‘trust’ me to make my own sandwiches and couldn’t be bothered to do it himself), the one bowl of corn flakes I ate in the morning was frequently all I ate the entire day.
I left home at 14 and went into the foster care system. When I was checked out by a doctor for the first time, it was discovered that I was 30 pounds lighter than I should have been for my height and age, and borderline malnourished. It took me years to get past the eating issues I had, and I still struggle to maintain a decent weight (I’ve gone the other direction and gotten fat, lol).
As a parent and grandparent, I would never…and I do mean NEVER…deprive them of food. There are other ways to punish children that get the point across without taking a necessity away from them. No one stood up for me. Thank you for standing up for her.
NTJ.” tonysnark81
Another User Comments:
“I must be the biggest jerk here and can’t believe everybody is calling OP’s brother an “abuser” because he wanted to teach his daughter to apologize for being rude. I understand everybody’s point that withholding meals as a punishment can be dangerous for a child’s health….but Amy chose not to eat because she didn’t want to apologize.
The food was readily available for her to consume. I’m sorry, but manners are huge in my culture and I’ve seen too many bad kids grow up to be jerk adults.
I also look at his punishment like this…There are kids who refuse to eat anything healthy and demand nothing but fast food.
My nephew is one such kid, who is now obese because his parents didn’t want him to starve. Now that his weight is affecting his health, his mom is more conscious about not giving in. If he doesn’t want to eat home-cooked meals, it’s his CHOICE.
The food is there for consumption. Is his mom an abuser for refusing him food he will actually eat? So yeah, sometimes he starves himself until he decides he needs to eat. At 13, Amy is old enough to get food for herself if she really wants to (and unless she was actually in a bad environment, I doubt her father would actually be upset that she got food to avoid starvation).
IMO, the brother is less mad about his daughter getting food and more mad about OP undermining his authority as a parent and essentially telling Amy that it was okay for her to be rude. OP should have communicated to his brother and at least been upfront and told his brother that he would be bringing Amy a sandwich if the brother wasn’t going to do it himself.
I don’t think going behind his back to do it was a good move at all.” wild_lunatic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Food is a necessity, not a privilege. It is not something you should take away or use as punishment for a growing child.
That is abusive. As for the impolite comments, there is a way to help her understand why she’s wrong for saying that instead of just telling her to “apologize.” When kids say no to you and you get mad….well, honestly they’re right.
Because you’re just trying to control her and say “apologize” without helping her understand why. And yes, she may be old enough to know but frankly, her brain is half-child, half-adult. Her anatomy may literally be preventing her from “knowing” what is right and what is wrong at that moment.
So use these moments to TEACH, not be a dictator. Nobody has to apologize if they don’t want to. But if you want her to understand, then she needs to learn empathy. As a teenager, her brain is still developing and she can be very impulsive and say rude things without thinking beforehand.
But that’s okay! When she says something like that, wait until she calms down and say something like “hey, those words hurt my feelings. Don’t you agree? Do you think next time you could refrain from that because I would feel better if you said __ instead?” Help her see WHY it’s an issue and HOW to solve it.
Don’t punish her. It’s gonna take a few tries but this is the only way to help build trust and knowledge. Please relay this to your brother because I would hate to think that this will continue and impair their relationship any further.
Good luck.” tvfxqsoul
1. AITJ For Making My Wife Sleep On The Sofa Because She Kicked Our Daughter Out Of Our Bed?
“My daughter who is 5 sleeps in my and my wife’s bed like 3 out of 7 days of the week. When my daughter sleeps in our bed she always likes to hug me from my back if that makes sense, I sleep on my side.
On my other side, my wife is hugging me. It is kinda uncomfortable because it gets really hot but I don’t really mind, but it does get annoying sometimes.
Anyway for the weekend, I had to go visit family for an important thing. According to my wife, our daughter went into our bedroom and tried to sleep in the bed but she kept trying to hug my wife.
My wife said she found this annoying so she kicked our daughter out of our bed and said she couldn’t sleep there again. Yesterday our daughter tried to sleep in our bed but my wife yelled at her. I told my wife that she does basically the same things while sleeping and if our daughter doesn’t get to sleep in our bed then she doesn’t get to either.
I then made my wife sleep on our sofa.
My wife has been calling me a jerk and stuff now because of this. I am wondering if I am in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Kids should be sleeping in their own beds. The adults need privacy.
The message you are sending your wife is that you’d rather share your bed with your daughter than share the bed with your wife. That’s messed up, dude. On the other hand, you are teaching your daughter that it’s OK for a small child to share a bed with full-grown adults.
Is that REALLY a lesson you want to teach her? It’s not good at any age for a child to sleep in the same bed with parents. As a baby/toddler, it is dangerous. You could roll over and smother your child accidentally. Happens all the time.
Older children need to get used to sleeping alone. Let’s carry this out in time. Were you planning to sleep in the same bed at 8 years old? Or 12? What about 16? Now you see why it’s ridiculous? YTJ.” DistrictEquivalent79
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The fact that you say you “made” your wife sleep on the couch is a major red flag.
Seeing other comments of yours in the thread where you seem to refuse to answer simple questions without being obtuse/avoidant, I’m reluctant to take anything you say without a huge grain of salt. I don’t have kids nor am I an expert in child psychology, but I know people who slept in their parents’ beds well into adolescence and all of them have major issues.
It seems like an easy way to develop attachment issues/separation anxiety, etc. You have yet to define what you mean by “yelled at” so no comment on that part since it could be actual yelling or something as benign as a firm tone of voice.
I will say that abruptly breaking routine sucks, but something tells me this is something mom has been trying to set a boundary on for a while. You cannot kick your WIFE out of HER BED because you want your DAUGHTER to sleep in YOUR AND YOUR WIFE’S BED and your wife is uncomfortable with that.
It’s creepy no matter which way you slice it.” voidedpolaroid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – what the heck is going on here? You kicked your wife out of HER bed because you demanded that your daughter – who has her own bed – be granted EQUAL access?
It’s not only incredibly disrespectful to your wife, it’s borderline creepy because of this idea that your daughter has an equal or greater claim to your bed than your wife does. Your wife and your daughter are not equal to each other. And your wife isn’t in a subordinate position to you.
Your wife has more authority than your daughter – and a parent needs to have that. You can’t effectively co-parent if you are showing the daughter that she doesn’t need to listen to her mother and that you will take her side, and PUNISH her mother if mom steps out of line?
That parental dynamic is going to be really hard for your daughter as she gets older too. She’ll need therapy for how guilty she feels whenever one of you is mad at the other, and she’ll come to believe she has more power over these outcomes than she ever could.
I wasn’t there. I don’t know if “yelled” at her means that she cursed and screamed or if “yelled” means “loud mommy voice.” And it doesn’t matter because your reaction would not be justified in either case. If you love your daughter and want an emotionally healthy life for her, cut this crap out.” OutrageousVariation7
