People Make Enemies In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Parents After My Sister Broke My VR Headset?
“My parents got me an Oculus Quest 2 for my 17th birthday after I practically begged for it, and I was absolutely stoked!
I finally got to play the games my favorite YouTubers got to play, and I’d get a little exercise doing so. I bought over 100$ worth of games for my beloved new console, adjusted it to where it fits around my glasses comfortably, and even bought special headphones for it.
One day, though, my parents were really adamant about me letting my little sister play on it. If you don’t know, VR headsets are almost always 9+ because the headset can strain a younger child’s neck. After an argument I begrudgingly let her play on it – but before she could even play the games she dropped the headset onto the hardwood floor and busted the sensor.
I was furious, as you can expect, and yelled at my parents that I knew this was going to happen and that’s why I didn’t want her to play on it.
Apparently, that upset them because now they refuse to get it fixed even though it’s kinda their fault it’s broken.
When I told them they were being cruel and immature for punishing me for something they did wrong, they grounded me for a month. I do feel bad for yelling, but I think it was well deserved. What about you guys?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Were your parents aware that it is for ages 9 and up and the reasons why?
I mean, I’m leaning on NTJ for you, but I am trying to figure out just how big of a jerk both of your parents were in this situation. They were wrong to force you to share something so expensive with a child so young.
But, if they knew that the headset could cause problems in children under the age of 9 and still demanded you share, they are huge jerks for endangering your sister. There are degrees of jerkiness and I’d like to know where they fall on the scale.” PaganCHICK720
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. So hear me out. At 17 years old, you got a $400+ VR headset, $100 worth of video games to play with this headset, and headphones (so $500-600 roughly in total), correct? So we can agree, these things are not cheap.
If your parents spent that money on something you wanted, they’d expect that you would be understanding in sharing with your sister, because it’s a cool toy, and she’d understandably want to share in the fun. It’s not cool that you yelled at them for an accident (much less one that was not in their hands at all).
Mistakes happen, and dropping a headset is possible. Could’ve happened to anyone, and even if it happened when your parents were handling the headset, it’s not their fault it fell by accident. No one threw it with the intention of breaking it, no one did this to get you, or to make you feel bad, or to stop you from having it.
It broke because of an accident. Was the accident foreseeable? Yeah. That’s why I think your parents were a bit wrong. VR headsets aren’t made for little kids to use, so they should’ve been more careful about letting her use it only on a bed, with supervision.
However, you could’ve made sure of that too. Y’all dropped the ball (no joke intended) together on that. You kinda suck for yelling at them for an accident, they kinda suck for putting an expensive piece of tech in the likely path of an accident.” Stroopwafeled
20. AITJ For Not Sharing Gifts From My Biological Dad With My Siblings?
“I (F14) have a different dad from my siblings (F15 & M17). My dad wasn’t in my life until about a year ago. I didn’t like him at first but I’m kinda starting to like him now. He buys me cool gifts whenever I go to his home.
Most of them are things my stepdad (my siblings’ dad) can’t buy for my siblings.
My mom and stepdad say I have to share. I don’t want to share. My stepdad never bought me anything. I always had to use my siblings’ hand-me-downs but now they are insisting I should share with my siblings.
Yesterday my mom said I have to let my sister use my iPad or she is gonna take it away. I called my dad and he took me to his home. My mom and stepdad are angry at me and say I’m a jerk for not sharing with my siblings and they are angry that I left. I don’t know if I did the right thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It appears an interesting family dynamic. Your stepdad is your older siblings’ dad? So your dad was the other man, or new man but your mum wasn’t over her ex (stepdad) and went back to him? INFO? With the info above it would be more interesting as to why they treat you the way they do?
I.e: Your stepdad not buying you anything (because you are the other man’s child…the one who your mum was unfaithful to him with?). I’m jumping the gun here but just a thought? Anyway. NTJ. Your dad bought it for you, it would be different if it was small things, sweets, makeup, etc, but they are expensive and valuable things that your dad has put money into.
Also not up to your stepdad what you do and don’t share especially given the fact he has not bought you anything.” Extreme-Mushroom2470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a messy dynamic, but this messy dynamic originated from your mother. You aren’t responsible for balancing things out to make your stepdad and your siblings comfortable, they are old enough that your parents should have stepped in to say that they aren’t entitled to private things, but it seems like they aren’t because they are challenged by the fact that your biological dad bought you those things and so want them to become communal property so it upsets them less.
I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this, hopefully, at least your bio dad is decent, and living with him is good because it doesn’t sound like a good idea for you to move back in with your parents when they have these unresolved issues that they are putting on you to fix when you’re so young.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those were presents from your dad to YOU; they are your personal property. You don’t have to share any more than you are entitled to go into your stepsiblings’ room and use their belongings, wear their clothes, use their makeup and perfume.
Try to explain it in those terms to your mother…ask her if you are allowed to use all of their stuff if they make you share your tablet?
I can see the problem here: assuming your mother gave birth to M17 and F15 with your stepdad then a year later had a child with another man, your dad, either she had an affair or broke up with stepdad for a while and got pregnant with you.
The result is still the same, you, born out of the marriage with a child from another man. Mom and Stepdad decided to stay together/get back together which meant you being in the family that already existed with two other children. There may still be some resentment that your mom stepped out of the marriage and ended up pregnant.
You are a constant reminder of the unfaithfulness to your stepdad which is why he doesn’t treat you like his DNA children. It’s nothing you did, nor are you to blame in any way; it’s his anger and insecurity. If he doesn’t treat you like the others that’s because of his hangups, nothing you did.
If you must, leave your presents over at your dad’s house and just use them there but first, speak with your mother and make her understand. List the items and belongings that are special to your steps and ask if you are now allowed to use them under the same rule.
I’m almost certain that they will let you keep your gifts without being forced to share. Are you close to either of the steps?” Tobywillygal
19. AITJ For Inviting My Husband's Possible Daughter To Our Child's Birthday Party Without Telling Him?
“My husband may or may not have a daughter with a woman, Charlotte, he slept with while we were separated. He’s never taken a paternity test, doesn’t acknowledge her, and has never tried to meet her but Charlotte insists he’s the only possible father.
We had a birthday party for our daughter last weekend and I decided to invite Charlotte and her daughter. The reason I did is because if she is my husband’s child I would like my children to know their sibling. I never told my husband I was going to as I knew he would make sure they didn’t come.
My husband’s family saw Charlotte first and assumed she was crashing the party and tried to get rid of her before we saw her. None of them believed her when she told them I had invited them. They were all upset when I confirmed I had and that I wanted Charlotte and her daughter to stay.
I’ve never seen my husband so angry and I’ve never found him scary until he saw Charlotte. He said something to Charlotte that made her immediately leave and then asked me to speak to him away from our guests so that he could confront me about inviting her.
We ended up arguing because he was upset I had invited her in the first place and I was upset he made them leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you did this. I understand and agree with why you did – you want her to feel welcome if she is in fact family.
But I think the way you went about this was counter-productive because you set Charlotte and her daughter to walk into an uncomfortable situation. Not only were you a jerk to your husband for going behind his back, but you were a jerk to Charlotte and her daughter.
You should have told your husband what you were planning to do. That said, the way your husband is handling this situation seems like a huge red flag. It sounds like a paternity test is 100% necessary here. Pay attention to how he continues to handle this situation if the test comes back positive.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, YTJ. Your child’s birthday party was the last darn place you should have ever brought that kind of drama into. That was a super terrible thing to do to your family. And what if it turns out he is not the father?
You exposed your children to another child not even knowing if she is actually their sister. Why on earth would you think your kid’s birthday party was the right time or place to do that? I don’t believe a word about your so-called reasons.
You wanted to cause a scene to punish and embarrass both your husband and his mistress.” tcrhs
Another User Comments:
“Hold up. Let me make sure I understand. 1) you went behind your partner’s back to do something you knew he wouldn’t like, on a really important issue that he’s still clearly got strong negative feelings about, pretty much guaranteeing a terrible reaction.
2) you put a near-stranger and her child in a terrible position. Charlotte likely (rightfully) assumed you’d informed him first, and so she was sucker-punched emotionally, never mind how upsetting it must’ve been for that poor kid to be rejected to her face by her furious father.
3) you created a mess out of your own daughter’s birthday, and now she’ll probably remember it as a birthday full of shouting and tension. And now you’re not sure if YTJ? Whether your husband is being shady or not doesn’t remotely justify your own selfish decision-making here.
Therapy would be a better way to approach it. You’re allowed to advocate for what you want, but manipulating and circumventing your partner’s wishes is a really good way to get divorced, never mind what these kinds of behaviors will do to your relationships with your kids over the years.
YTJ.” rabid_rabbity
18. AITJ For Being Upset After My Husband Invited His Friend To Our Date Night?
“My (41f) husband (46m) and I have been married 12 years, 3 kids, dogs, cats, chickens, you get the idea.
Connecting has been hard lately. Family life, depression, and adulting have been adding up. We (let’s be honest, me) decided “we” needed to prioritize our relationship, so I booked a babysitter and declared a date night to go out to a local bar we haven’t been to since 2019 to listen to a band and whatnot.
I shaved my legs, put on a new dress, did my hair and make-up. Typically I wear jeans, a T-shirt, and a ponytail.
Anyway, I show up to pick up my husband at work looking good and feeling good. As we pull up to the bar, my husband’s best friend is standing outside.
Knowing they saw each other earlier in the day, he tells me yeah best friend wants to hang out too. I’m really upset, and best friend sees fancy me and feels awkward and offers to leave.
Me being me, say no everything is cool, it is what it is but I don’t want to waste the time, energy, and babysitter, so let’s just enjoy the night.
The night consists of them hanging out while I sit inside at the bar, alone.
In the morning I tell him I’m upset and I feel like he wasted what was supposed to be our date night, which we haven’t had in years.
He says I should have spoken up and been honest instead of being polite to his best friend.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, mostly your husband. Yeah, your husband was the far bigger jerk here. He should NOT have invited his friend along for date night and then ignored you throughout it.
That was a total jerk move on his part. He knew you were upset but is blaming you for not speaking up. But you should not have smoothed it over. You should have said, “We’ll hang out another time; this is date night” when his friend recognized the situation and gave you the out.
You’re allowed to have boundaries and be mad in the moment and make your husband look like a jerk by inviting his friend along on date night. Stop gritting your teeth and going along with it. You’re not helping yourself or anyone else by suffering in silence, and the resentment will only build and poison your marriage.
Speak up.” macladybulldog
Another User Comments:
“I see a few everyone’s a jerk here but I have to say I disagree with those. Yes, you could’ve stood up for yourself, BUT, you’d be in the firing line either way! So I understand why you didn’t.
But he shouldn’t have put you in that position anyway!! Your relationship shouldn’t be one-sided and unless he has one brain cell, he should be able to put two and two together with you dressed up and said no to the friend himself!!
I wish people would stop making excuses for his behavior. So, big NTJ from me! Please rethink your marriage and communicate about what you need, and if you see no change at all, then maybe you should go out and find someone who does appreciate you.
It’s never too late. I know lots of women who have found love at even 60+!!” abitofadiva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Husband knew it was a date night. If it was really important to him, then he wouldn’t have invited his friend without your prior knowledge.
He didn’t want to spend time alone with you. If you had told his friend to leave, then you would have still been accused of doing something wrong. And it probably wouldn’t have been such a loss of a night, if your husband didn’t proceed to pretty much ignore you the whole time.
Husband is the jerk.” Blurple-wolf
17. AITJ For Wanting Both Nigerian And American Food At Our Wedding?
“My (M) fiancee (F) and I are supposed to get married this July. She wanted to do all the planning and I was fine with pretty much whatever, so she made all the choices. We discussed all of it together, but she mostly just told me what she wanted and I went along with it.
Two days ago we were talking about food for the reception. My fiancee is Nigerian and her family is very traditional, they have only been to the US once before. My family is your typical southern US family, you give them a plate of fried chicken or a good brisket, and all is good.
My fiancee wants to have traditional Nigerian dishes at the reception. I said that sounds good, and we can have a big buffet of Nigerian food and also a selection of more American food so that everyone can then pick and choose whatever they like.
She said I should respect her heritage. I told her I do and I love Nigerian cuisine, but not everyone will and I feel it’s smart to have different types of food if we want everyone to have a nice meal.
She said that serving fried chicken next to mango seed soup etc would just look weird.
I said it doesn’t matter, as it will be a buffet anyway and that way each family could have whatever they want, and our friends can either have the American food or try Nigerian cuisine. She then yelled at me that I am trying to overshadow her heritage and make everyone eat fried chicken.
I said that that’s ridiculous and she called me a racist jerk for not respecting her and her family’s culture and wishes.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she’s representing her heritage in the wedding you should be able to represent yours.
That said a brisket, baked or mashed potatoes, and corn is probably a better choice over fried chicken as she’s probably wanting a more formal feel for the wedding, and I know a lot of people who got married with something similar as their meal.” CindersFire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She kind of reminds me of those wives who really wished they’d married an orphan, and then make that happen by never trying to integrate into his half of the family, and becoming insulted by a hundred tiny slights, until at last, they win, and can demand their husband never speak to his parents again.
I think she wishes you were Nigerian and is trying very, very hard to prove to her side of the family that you essentially are. For some reason. Or maybe there is some resentment of privilege and she generally expects you (and your family) to always give way because of it?
You see that a lot with a poorer family marrying the old money one: they expect the more privileged side to pay for everything and only do what they are comfortable with/ want to happen. Perhaps something similar is happening here?
The most generous explanation would be that wedding planning stress has made her splinter and then she snapped at being told to make a complicated last-minute addition involving a second caterer.
Or she’s strict and can’t stand things that don’t fit exactly what she wants. I can absolutely see your side of the family grumbling about the unfamiliar food, her taking offense to that, and then using it to create distance. Regardless, her jumping straight to calling you racist because you want some of your favorites at your own wedding should be red flag enough to slam the breaks on the wedding and pause everything until you go through premarital counseling.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a Nigerian, I find your fiancee’s position on this quite strange. It’s super common for people here to have Nigerian and Chinese food at weddings/birthdays etc (I don’t know why it’s always Chinese, we have other kinds of restaurants but catered events are almost always Nigerian and Chinese).
There’s a comfort factor to having traditional foods for the Nigerians present but they will actually understand having multiple food options, and maybe they’ll want to take the opportunity to not eat the same stuff they would always have at home!” KiitanNextDoor
16. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother's Kids After Just Having A Newborn?
“I (25m) and my fiancée recently had a baby girl Alison. My fiancee had a c-section and is exhausted and sore. My brother (34m) has a niece 4 and a son 2. Before my daughter, my brother would technically force me to watch his kids.
Yesterday night I was on the bed with my newborn on me, and my fiancé was in the shower when my brother called me saying “can you babysit”.
I told him my fiancée and I are very tired and can’t do it. He tells me “you’re fine just put your daughter down for a moment and babysit them”.
I was upset so I told him if he drops them off I will call the police.
He started yelling at me for being selfish and a poor uncle and a poor dad.
I love my niece and nephew dearly but I have a family now, I see them more than he does and it isn’t fair on me or them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your kids should be your priority, not your brother’s kids. His need for a last-minute sitter tonight is not your problem, but your kid’s and your fiancee’s well-being tomorrow morning will be. Make sure you get well-rested, and tell him you’re doing being free child care.
You’ve got your own people to take care of, so if he wants to run off and do something fun, he can find someone else.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own kid to look out for now. Asking a man with an infant to babysit two toddlers who aren’t his is about as inconsiderate as you can get.
It’s ironic that the guy who wants to dump his kids off at a house that’s dealing with a newborn and post-operative recovery is calling the house’s sole caretaker a “poor uncle and a poor dad.” I would never have guessed that this was the older brother.
He must have been super spoiled as a kid to be this entitled at 34. If you’re such a “poor uncle,” what does that make the guy who desperately wants to drop his kids off at this “poor” place?” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Info. And I do suspect that it is indeed that the brother was just trying to get OP to babysit as he had in the past which would make OP in the clear but WHY was he asking you to babysit?
If it’s there’s been an accident, his kids’ mother has been rushed to hospital and he needs to get there, then threatening to call the police on him is major overkill (and in a true emergency I’d still babysit but you could still say no).” iolaus79
15. AITJ For Increasing The Rent For My Sublet After She Got A Roommate?
“I (27m) just bought a house with my fiance and I needed someone to sublease my apartment for 4 months until my lease is up.
Legally, I’m not allowed to sublease so the renter is paying me directly.
The renter’s (24f) mom is my coworker and she needed a place to live so I cut her a deal of $1000 each month including utilities instead of the $1300 base rent + utilities.
It’s 2 bed 2 bath. 1.5 months in, she gets a roommate, which is fine. When I learned that she got a roommate, I called her and told her I expect the $1300 base rent + all utilities in its entirety. Utilities are around $200. On the phone, she said her roommate pays $600 because that’s all she can afford and she was desperate for a place to live as well.
The roommate happens to be the renter’s best friend.
The renter is worried that she can’t make the new rent. She makes $1500 a month getting paid bimonthly. She expressed to me that if she coughed up the rent all at once she would be screwed until she got her next paycheck.
So I’m letting her split it into 2 payments. After paying everything to me, it leaves her with around $600 a month to live off of. So $300 from each paycheck.
I’m going back on our deal that we had arranged at $1000 a month but I think it’s fair to ask for the full rent now that she has a roommate.
AITJ for increasing my rent for my sublet?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy moly. I’m really disgusted with you, to be honest. You are illegally subletting your apartment, first of all, so how hilarious that you’re acting like a landlord! “I expect the $1300 base rent and all utilities in its entirety”…you “expect”?
Get lost, dude! You made a deal with someone and now you’re taking it back because she has a roommate?! They’re both broke, you jerk! And $300 from each paycheck is so little, especially if this is occurring in the US where everything is more expensive right now.
I’ve been desperate for a place to live before, and your behavior is flat-out selfish and gross. You made a deal & you need to stick to it (kind of like the lease you signed saying you know you can’t sublet your apartment).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ OP because not only are you breaking the law but you are taking advantage of your lessee’s kind nature by increasing the rent on her when the two of you only had a verbal agreement which I’m sure did not address the situation of taking on an extra roommate.
It’s clear why you made this under-the-table deal a verbal one instead of getting it in writing and that’s because it affords you far more protection in having no clear-cut proof of the terms of your agreement with this woman. You’re despicable not only for illegally renting out your apartment full well knowing you have NO legal right to, but doing it to this woman knowing she would have no legal recourse whatsoever if and when your landlord finds out and evicts her.
You are the epitome of a bad tenant and the reason why so many landlords have problems with bad tenants today.” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“So wait, you are illegally subletting your apartment but are now upset that your sublet is also subletting? Talk about double standards.
ESH – if the sublet had terms you should have specified that. If you unilaterally raised the rent, you may have broken the law … normally you are required to give some kind of notice even on a month-to-month situation. Not surprisingly, an increase of 50% over what she expected is going to be hard for her to manage.
Most places don’t change the rent based on the number of occupants. The problem is that it sounds like you just straight-up changed the terms overnight which is not fair. But… she is also a jerk for secretly getting a roommate. It’s unfortunate because due to a lack of communication and patience, it’s making the situation far more complicated than it needs to be… all she needed to do was ask if she could get a roommate and you could have worked out a deal and there would have been no jerks.” sawdeanz
14. AITJ For Asking For Parmesan On My Pasta In Italy?
“I (30sF, American) visited Italy a while ago. At a particular restaurant, we were ordering our food, and I wanted a glass of wine. However, I didn’t have a wine menu, so I asked for one.
The waitress seemed a little annoyed and gave it to me before quickly walking away. I ordered my wine and penne arrabbiata.
When my pasta came, there was grated cheese on my husband’s pasta, but none on mine. So I asked for Parmesan. And the waitress freaked out, yelling in Italian at me before stalking off to get cheese and throwing it down on the table.
I was shocked and said audibly “what the heck?” to my husband.
A few minutes later, I saw her glaring at me and clearly talking about me to another guest, gesturing toward me. I just ignored her for the rest of the meal, but she was bristling and continued to be rude to me the rest of the meal. It was very confusing, AITJ for asking for parm??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I sustained mild criticism from an Italian in Italy (with whom I was dining) for putting parm on my pasta once before tasting it first; he felt strongly that you should take one bite before you decide to add cheese—but they had brought the cheese out without being asked, and in our collective defense, cheese is delicious.
I also lived there for several months, cheesing all the pasta I could eat, and that’s the only time anybody ever criticized me—at least for cheese-related reasons. I don’t know what your waitress’ problem was, but she was the jerk here.” angela_reddits
Another User Comments:
“INFO something doesn’t add up, apart from the fact that the story is very cartoonish (but Italians can be stupidly intense with traditions, I’m Italian, I know) but it makes no sense that your husband was served a pasta dish with cheese, and yours, the arrabbiata, a dish who requires pecorino cheese, was without it.
Even if the waitress hated you, she is not the one grating the cheese, it’s the chef doing it. It’s improbable that they missed cheese on your dish when they brought the one for your husband at the same time (did he get arrabbiata too?).
Anyway, I liked to investigate lol but if what happened is true you are obviously NTJ, waitress should lose her job frankly.” Jumpy-Constant-1614
Another User Comments:
“First of all, NTJ. Your waitress was insane. The wine thing was also very weird. Even if the paring didn’t make sense – and it did- she should have been polite (it’s her job).
Plus, plenty of Italian restaurants in Italy cater to tourist and would still privately roll their eye but let you do pairings that are not traditional. I feel like the whole “screaming at you for cheese on fish” is more of an exaggeration, or people not understanding Italians when they are doing a bit to be funny.
Second, because everyone here is going insane over the “cheese and fish” forbidden paring thing: what people don’t seem to realize is that parmesan is not all type of cheese. Though it’s good on it’s own, it’s often used to add umami to a meal. Just dropping parmesan on pasta “because it’s good” to me would be equivalent to someone in Japan just dropping two spoonful of soy sauce on top of every ramen bowl without even trying it first. Wouldn’t that be weird?
Plus Italian food is regional. Parmesan originates from the northern and landlocked areas of Italy. Dishes made with fresh fish – especially pasta – one may encounter visiting Italy would often come from different food traditions. Which means basically that parmesan can feel very foreign to them, and they don’t need it to begin with.
Plus, fish tend to have a lot of umami on its own, does it not? (And most central-southern Italian dishes would use pecorino instead of parmesan anyway). Of course a pairing like cream cheese and fish is not out of the world. But cream cheese is wildly different from parmesan or other very strong flavored cheeses.
And, by the way, I can even think of an Italian traditional dish – Baccalà alla Vicentina- who does require fish and parmesan. I’m sure it’s not the only one, but then again, it’s not pasta allo scoglio.” justthisonce8989891
13. AITJ For Kicking Out My Daughter Due To Her Disrespectful Partner?
“I 45f have 12 kids who I love dearly, one is 16f. Her partner 16m is just disrespectful he is always causing arguments between me and her, he has used offensive language at me before because I told him to get out and he is just downright a bad person from what I see.
I never liked him because his mom is my husband’s ex from 25 years ago and I don’t want my family to be associated with him at all.
I have asked my daughter to distance herself from him as he is a bad influence. All my other children who are old enough to have a relationship have nice and respectful partners but she doesn’t.
I have told her many times that she needs to stop choosing him over me but she never has stopped. I just wish that she would end the relationship with him but she never has.
I have started to have enough of his behaviour like he sneaks into our house at night and I always have to kick him out as I don’t allow him in the house.
I have had enough of them both so I kicked her out. She told me it was unfair because she has nowhere to live. Here in England, you can get your own place at 16 and I even gave her plenty of cash but she is still mad.
My other children are divided on whether I’m the jerk or not so please tell me am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, she can get YMCA housing etc but you are still legally responsible for her till she’s 18. Social services would see this as child neglect and abandonment or possible abuse.
Also, I just read he used offensive language at me after I used offensive language at him. I’d use offensive language at you too. Not saying he is in the right but it sounds like it’s not been well handled. You need to work with your daughter and lock your doors and windows at night if she sneaks him in.
This isn’t all on him.” Bubbly_Eggplant_6178
Another User Comments:
“Wow he swore at you after you told him to “get out”? Can’t imagine why. Kinda getting the sense there may be a LOT more to this rather short story. A mother kicking a child out of their house leaves lasting damage.
Don’t ever think she’ll leave someone because you want her to after this. You broke a massive, massive level of trust that a child has in their parent. YTJ. Oh, so you don’t like the boy because he’s the son of your husband’s ex? Yeah, you’re the MASSIVE jerk here.
You’ve permanently damaged your relationship with your daughter for absolutely zero reason other than pettiness. Good job, mom of the year for you!” Careful-Bumblebee-10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. It sounds an awful like you’re throwing your hang-ups and biases based on past relationships on this kid.
You complain that he uses offensive language at you, yet you also use offensive language at him. Not cool. 2. By kicking out your child (yes, 16 is a child), you’re abandoning your ethical responsibilities as a parent. Even if you supplied her with the cash to get her own place, having 12 children, you should know there is more to parenting and family than that.
3. I almost said ESH. The sneaking into your house isn’t okay. But… That’s the regular shenanigans kids get into. It needs to be corrected for sure. But you’re the adult, and your behavior needs to be more mature and more reasoned than what you’re demonstrating.
BTW – As a point of reference, this is coming from a 40-year-old who is also a parent.” Illuminator007
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Work From Home In Our Studio Apartment?
“I worked minimum wage jobs all through his schooling with the agreement that down the road he would get a higher paying job and I could live my housewife dreams of spending my days baking, gardening, and cooking delicious meals.
Recently he got a job that he really wanted but was nervous because they weren’t willing to pay him much. I was in full support because I want him to work for a company he feels good about and I am content to live a low-cost life.
We were both under the impression that he would go into the office (a 30-minute commute) most days for the first 6 months and then 2 days a week after that.
On his first day, however, they sent him home after 3 hours with all his equipment and told him he could work completely from home.
I’m struggling because we live in a tiny studio apartment and now I have to tiptoe while he is in online meetings all day. I was so excited to be able to have the house to myself and now I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me but I know it’s a real privilege to not have to work so I’m conflicted. I’ve expressed to him that I need space for my sanity but he says it’s selfish to ask him to commute and work in an empty building several days a week.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have children to care for and are not a wealthy family, but you want to stay at home to garden and cook? You live in a studio apartment. Get real. Do you not realize the huge financial strain you are placing on your husband already to be responsible for maintaining the entirety of the household budget while you sit at home doing basically nothing?
You have no legitimate reason not to be working and yet complain that he works from home. You are acting incredibly entitled when he has already accommodated your selfishness more than he should.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for why people are saying, imo.
You’re going on and on about how you need space to do whatever it is you want to do while your partner is working. I get that. But what about him? You keep going on about how he’s happy to work while you stay home and provide for you financially, but it honestly doesn’t sound like he’s happy.
He got a job he likes, he gets told he gets to work from home full time, it seems like things are going well because he can finally do what he wants to do and now slave for the man—and now you’re rambling about how you don’t want him around.
You sound suffocating, and I’m not saying that in an insulting way, I’m being serious. Not only is the pressure on him to work and make money but now there’s a constant pressure to go work in an empty office, pay for petrol which is OBSCENELY expensive, all because he’s cramping your style?
How would you feel if someone put out energy that your presence was unwelcome? Aren’t you supposed to be married? You’re only thinking about yourself and your needs—you’re married now and you have to think about more than just yourself.” konorrhyd
Another User Comments:
“Tough one. I would have to say in regards to your frustration you’re not a jerk but neither is he. You had a deal to support him and reap the benefits, those benefits now can’t be reaped in the way both you and he anticipated because he was lucky enough to land a remote working job and you’re in a studio apartment and that sucks but also remote work is a privilege that lowers stress and depression and allows you and he more time together due to no commute- it’s a wonderful thing and very rare.
If I were you I’d ask him to find out if this remote working situation is going to be permanent or if there will be a return to the office at some point. If there is going to be a return to the office then I’d take the opportunity to find some quiet or outdoor hobbies that can work around him and wait it out.
If it’s permanent then that’s amazing because you no longer have a need to live in more expensive urban areas to allow for a commute. You can then talk to your husband about the prospect of moving to a cheaper area where you can get more bang for your buck.
After my husband landed a remote position we were able to move outside of the city and for the same rental amount we got two extra rooms, one of which is not his full-time office. If you decide to do this then again you just have to wait until you find somewhere and can move.
Could you even get a part-time job of perhaps two days a week to help facilitate the move whilst still having 5 days a week free and to yourself if it is going to be more expensive? I think you would be the jerk if you tried to force him to give up something that’s been proven so good for people’s mental health but equally, if he’s not willing to work with you on a workaround like moving somewhere bigger and cheaper then that’s going to be damaging to your mental health which, as you mentioned elsewhere, was part of the reason he suggested you leave your job and stay home in the first place.” RaccoonAlternative12
11. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Snacks With A Boy Who Claims He's Not Fed At Home?
“I (a female in high school) have been bringing snacks in the carpool room for around two months now because my lunch is around 12 pm, and I don’t get out until around 4:15.
I’m also not allowed to eat or bring water into my other classes. One boy who normally sits next to me who I considered a friend kept asking for my food, which I saw nothing wrong with considering we most likely had the same lunchtime.
But lately, things have been getting a little weird. I don’t bring snacks as often considering my family is in a financial tough spot and can’t afford to buy as much pricey junk food as before. Thinking my “friend” wouldn’t even notice, I stopped bringing snacks.
Last Friday I didn’t bring anything and he was upset. He even said “ You better bring snacks tomorrow.” in a tone I saw as more joking than threatening, but I did bring snacks the day after.
He has been getting more needy every day though, even going as far as to say his grandparents, who I assume he lives with, don’t feed him.
It was starting to get very annoying, and considering he has Airpods, seemingly expensive belongings, and doesn’t look malnourished in the slightest, I stopped taking him seriously about the whole not eating at home thing. He also participates in Physical Education, which I assume would be hard for someone who doesn’t get fed at home.
He even let it slip once that he does get fed he just doesn’t eat it.
Today I was on my last nerve because the day before I brought fruit snacks for everyone at the table, and the boy insisted on getting two, meaning I now didn’t have enough for everyone else who wanted one.
I brought the Cheez-Its I didn’t eat during lunch as my own personal snack because I didn’t have enough to share with everyone. When I got to the table, like normal the boy asked me if I had snacks. I replied no, before taking the Cheez-Its out and sharing them with my best friend who always sits next to me.
The boy started begging, and he even asked if he could eat the Cheez-It crumbs that fell on my thighs. I was really upset at this point, and irritated that every time he went “well I don’t get fed at home” as if trying to guilt trip me.
He even went as far as to call me two-faced and pretend to cry. It’s not like he takes food from the school lunch for food at home (I’m friends with people in his class) for a snack at the end of the day. It also annoys me that I’ve known him for less than five months, yet he feels entitled to my things.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but listen — stop spending your parents’ money on food for anyone else but yourself. Full stop. If you want to buy food for your friends, earn the money or spend your own. For what it’s worth, a student can have material possessions and still not be fed. You can have food at home and still not eat.
(I used to get some pretty extreme punishments for this in our house growing up — if you ate anything without asking, you were asking for it. We had money, but we kids were still malnourished.) If you want to be decent, bring this up to the school counselor or the kid’s homeroom teacher.
“I’m concerned because Boy insists that I share my snacks because he says he’s not eating at home.” Don’t try to figure it out through your friends. And you aren’t obligated to share your food with him. Especially not food your parents are buying for YOU.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should let a school staff member know whether it’s your teacher or a counselor at the school. Because if he’s really starving to death here, I’m sure the cafeteria has something for this kid. And please don’t give him anything going forward, I also suggest that you don’t bring a bunch of snacks to share with everybody.
Although it is a very kind gesture, it seems like this kid doesn’t understand give and take.” katminte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two possibilities here. He genuinely doesn’t have access to food, or he’s just a selfish jerk. Either way, it’s not your responsibility to feed him.
If you believe it’s the former, chat to a teacher at school and ask what resources there are at school. Then when he asks for your food, you can tell him ‘go to xx there is food there’. If you believe it’s the latter, next time he’s trying to mooch off you, loudly tell him it’s about time he brought in some snacks to share.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Still Holding A Grudge Against My MIL After She Spread False Information About Me?
“My partner (30m) and I (31f) have a 2-year-old son together. 1 year ago we got into a fight over his excessive drinking (he is now on pretty serious medication to help with this). It ended in me telling him I could no longer be in this relationship and in that environment, so he told me to pack my bags and get out now, at 7 pm.
Which I did. A few hours later he texted me saying I could come home, but I said no. In the morning I went to work, and he rang me a few times over the day but I missed them or didn’t answer. I went home after work.
We didn’t speak much that night but the next day we talked for hours about where we go from here and were completely civil.
It transpires that the night he kicked me out and I left, he rang his stepdad to say that I left. His stepdad told his mum, who a few days later contacted my parents.
Initially, she lied and said she didn’t talk to them, then said that she did talk to them but just asked them to look out for her son.
Turns out she told them that I was erratic and unstable because I had abandoned my family multiple times (that was the first night I had EVER had away from them and I was kicked out), I had rung lawyers about my relationship (never have, never threatened to?), I send abusive messages to her son (darn straight but my god would context help here), I don’t cook him dinner (but I do LITERALLY everything else domestically), and my work is a problem (I’m a nurse so the hours can be difficult, and she likes a SATM).
No mention of her son AT ALL.
I rang her and she admitted to saying it but defended it, even when I pointed out what she had said was factually untrue. I finished it by asking did she have any idea of the hurt and confusion she had caused my family and me by not checking her facts, not clarifying with her son before calling my parents, or asking me about any of it.
She said, “I’m sorry but I was just looking out for my son, and I didn’t go to you because you’re not that open”. And that was that.
It’s important to note that he has been really down in the past, and she lives ages away, so I have no doubt she was just genuinely worried about him.
A year later my partner and I are still getting into arguments about his mum. I feel like her apology was pathetic given the circumstances, she exhibited no embarrassment for getting her “facts” wrong, or for sharing her opinion that I should be doing more at home/shouldn’t be working.
My partner says he knows his mum overstepped, but she apologized and she wouldn’t have meant it as bad as I took it. I’ve been clear I wouldn’t travel with him to see her and I don’t want to throw a birthday party for our son as she may visit for it and it would be uncomfortable having our families together.
His argument is that we have a kid, this will need to happen at some point, I need to get over it.
Anyway, AITJ for not wanting anything to do with my MIL a year later/indefinitely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL may have been worried about her son but she clearly showed how she felt about you in that moment.
She didn’t apologize or feel guilt because she doesn’t feel she did anything wrong. Your husband should have been more understanding and supportive in the situation. However, he’s also right. You will have to figure out what kind of relationship you’re going to have with your MIL since she is the grandmother of your child and that tension will bleed into your child’s life and make it extremely difficult for them.
I hope you’re able to find a way to make peace without letting her off the hook for the lying and disrespect. You didn’t deserve that and she shouldn’t get to just brush it off.” herozerocapitalZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the apology. But when your son posts years from now asking if he is the jerk for blowing up at his mom who was so bitter and determined to live a life of hate and grudges, telling her she prioritized the need to hold a grudge over allowing a celebration of her son’s birth, he won’t be the jerk either.
Your MIL sounds terrible, and I’d be reluctant to visit her too. You don’t need to forgive her. But why do you have to become a jerk to your son by not throwing him a party? It’s suddenly his fault that you chose to marry into this family?
You need to grow up and focus on life, not hate. If she shows up, ignore her or kick her out, but have a party.” SunnyRose57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t keep her out of your child’s life forever unless your husband agrees to cut her off.
Which it seems he is unwilling to do. What I would do is talk to your family and ask them for support in dealing with her. If she comes to a birthday party, try to do it someplace outside your own home if possible. And tell your husband that you will lot be dealing with your MIL and that’s his job.
Personally, I would literally give her the silent treatment and encourage my family to do the same. Or to continually bring up her abusive lies.” Signal-Reflection-54
9. AITJ For Not Paying Rent While Pursuing An Apprenticeship After A Mental Health Crisis?
“I dropped out of college because I had a psychotic episode triggered by anxiety. The crisis team told my parents it would be best for me to leave college because I can’t handle academic stress. My parents agreed. It’s been 6 months and now I’ve recovered. I decided that college isn’t what I want to do.
I want to do an apprenticeship in early years childcare, specifically with disabled children, and I’ve started one. I don’t get paid very much so I can’t pay rent and my parents are okay with that.
My older brother, however, dropped out of college after a few months into his first year because in his words ‘he couldn’t be bothered’.
He spent the next year staying in his room, not showering, and screaming at his games to the point he was making everyone else in the house miserable because he smelt so bad and refused to shower after being asked. Mix that with a skin condition he had that makes him smell like rotting flesh if he doesn’t keep up with hygiene, it wasn’t great.
After a year of this, my parents told him he had to go to college, get a job, and pay rent or move out, so he got a job and moved out last summer. He comes over every Sunday and he blew up at me and my parents saying I was taking advantage that it was favoritism and that I was faking my mental illness (I’m not, I’m diagnosed and medicated).
Initially, I didn’t think what I was doing was bad but he has a point. I’m not in college and even though I plan on getting higher education to become a teacher, I can see why he’d be upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
He dropped out because he didn’t wanna do it anymore. You left because relevant professionals agreed that collegiate academia wasn’t in the best interests of your health. He moved back home to live rent-free to be a 24/7 gamer while neglecting his basic hygiene and anything having to do with his future.
You moved back in to recover from a psychotic episode and continue to live rent-free as you pursue vocational training. This isn’t an apples-to-apples comparison; it’s not even fruit-to-fruit. He came home just cause, you had no other choice; he used that opportunity for sloth and entitlement, you used it for recovery and growth.
Don’t beat yourself up over his jealous delusions. He’s crying about favoritism when he’s really experiencing meritocracy. Your parents aren’t rejecting him while accepting you; they’re discouraging his behavior while encouraging your initiative, and that’s what parents do.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not all paths to career training need to entail college. You are enrolled in an apprenticeship that is giving you the skills for your future job. That’s fantastic! There is a big difference between being in an apprenticeship and actively working toward a career and sitting at home all day and playing video games.
Your parents’ treatment of you here is fair. The only other thing I can think of is perhaps your older brother was struggling with mental health, too (difficulty doing academic work + not going anywhere + not taking care of hygiene can be part of a mental health struggle).
In that case, he may be resentful that he was given an ultimatum during his time of difficulty and you were not. At the same time, you are actively working toward your career goals. You are in the clear here.” jogam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — your parents’ rule that you kids either go to school, work and pay rent or get out is reasonable when it’s possible.
When you were too sick to work or go to school they understood that recovery was your “job” and you worked at that and did what was necessary to get better — that’s what decent and loving parents do. You took recovery seriously and developed a plan for your health and life and it’s working — that’s what success means for you right now.
Help with any money or chores you can, and keep working on being well and a contributing member of society and the family as you’re capable. But stinky yelling videogame boy wasn’t working on recovering or his future or contributing to the family or society.
Letting him stay there wasn’t helping him or anyone. He was capable of a job and contributing to the family and society but chose not to. He was a waste, as they say. Kicking him out was what he needed. Treating kids the same isn’t reasonable because kids have different needs.” Pumpkinkra
8. AITJ For Not Sharing My Completed Work With A Slacking Co-Worker?
“I work processing people’s payments that they send in to pay their bills.
Sometimes people will send us a check for their credit card bill and it has no bill statement, no account number, or an invalid account number. So we have a job called “lookups” to search a database to try and find their account number.
One of my coworkers doesn’t like to do anything else other than lookups so he will go purposefully slow.
Like a pile that would take me 2 hours, he will milk all day. We have a certain amount of checks we are supposed to do per hour but there’s really not an easy way to track that out of lookups so he’s pretty much been getting away with it.
I haven’t tattled because it doesn’t really personally affect me that much. Until the other day.
One of the lead coordinators was going around collecting finished work, which isn’t normal. Normally we turn it in ourselves. Since my coworker knew that the lead would notice how he had a very small pile of completed work for 8 hours of lookups, he asked if he could have a little of mine and put his name on it.
I insisted on saying no even though even if I gave him a little, my amount of completed work would still look fine. And he made a big deal about it saying how I should just do it. I didn’t end up doing it and ever since, that coworker hasn’t been placed on lookups and instead has been placed on a scanning machine where your speed can actually be tracked and he’s been grumbling about it all the time.
So should I have just shared some of my work? Any additional info I am happy to provide. By the way, part of the reason I didn’t want to share is cause it slightly annoyed me how he could get away with doing almost nothing all day meanwhile everyone else is working hard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may think his habits are not affecting you, but they are. He is getting paid for nothing and that is a drain on the entire department/ company. You may end up not getting that raise or bonus or other extras, just because the company is having to pay more to get the same amount of work done.
It was not your responsibility to report him, but his manager’s job to notice (which they finally did.) But don’t let anyone try to convince you that you should be supporting this lying, dishonest jerk in any way.” saran1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had you shared and helped him get away with being lazy while the rest if you worked harder you would have been.
Sounds like it ended up being the perfect way to fix a problem without having to tell on him. I wonder if they picked them up that day because someone else had complained about him.” mynewusername10
Another User Comments:
“SO NTJ. I was in call centers for years.
Production-based environments. I was taking 130/150 inbound calls daily and our stats were always posted daily. I went to my boss one day and said, hey Virginia, I have a question. Why am I taking well over 100 calls a day when Cheryl’s only taking 50? Naturally, I was told that wasn’t my concern and it was “being addressed.” I said, “I’ll address it.
I’ll be happy to address it. By the time I’m done with her she’ll be taking 100 calls a day, I guarantee it.” (I worked there for over a decade, so I could get away with this sort of thing) In any event, I kept my mouth (reluctantly) shut, and YOU did the right thing!!!!” HurricaneKCatrina
7. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Reserved Train Seat To A Family?
“I’m currently on a train back to my hometown on the Passover weekend to see my family, and obviously it’s very busy because of that. I booked two weeks in advance, reserved myself a seat, and made it to my carriage first.
I’d been sitting for about ten minutes when suddenly this family of about 13 came into the carriage, they began to fill up seats in the middle, which was fair enough, and I went back to reading my book.
Suddenly I get a tap on the shoulder and a young girl sits next to me.
Her mother asked if I could move so all the siblings could sit next to each other, I politely declined, saying I needed to sit next to the window or else I’d become motion sick and I also booked my seat.
(Seat reservations are free and you’re prompted to do so after booking.)
The mother then became very agitated, saying how I was going to ruin her family’s easter holiday, I pointed out there were plenty of other seats on the other side of the carriage, including a window seat.
She continued to accuse me of just wanting to see her children miserable and that I was being a total jerk.
The girl next to me is now crying and other passengers are giving me dirty looks, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’ve seen this type of story before and it always ends with someone kicking off saying you’ve ruined their holiday which is so not true! You booked and paid for your seat in advance so you don’t have to move for any reason at all.
You haven’t ruined their holiday, they’ll forget all about this once their holiday starts properly. If they have a bad holiday they can’t say it’s all because you refused to give up your seat because she didn’t plan ahead. Really not sure why people think they’re so entitled these days.
Enjoy your journey and weekend, don’t let them bother you.” Girlb0ss95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I really dislike parents who think the entire world has to accommodate their kids. You had them, deal with it, and control your precious offspring. Like people who think that a co-worker should give up on having Christmas off because they are single.
Guess what no one but you and your family has any responsibility to accommodate your delightful children. Stop asking. Stop saying I should get this because I have a family. Guess what there are all kinds of families that don’t have children. Your type of family is not the only valid kind.
By the way, I don’t hate kids, love them when parents have raised them right. And I am a parent. I raised several children, all while not expecting co-workers, acquaintances, strangers, and family who were not close to change anything in their lives for my children.
I used to work in healthcare and had to work Christmas day for many years. I would never think to ask someone to switch with me because I had kids and they didn’t. Sorry for the rant, one of my pet peeves.” Cat_Astrophe_X
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can we just have a blanket rule that says no matter what you are not the jerk if you refuse to give up a seat you took the time and effort to reserve that everyone else could have taken the same time and effort to reserve?
You are NTJ if you refuse to move to a less deserving seat or cheaper seat especially when you paid up front for the seat or used an upgrade. It is not your responsibility to plan for strangers’ travel.” Dangerous_Prize_4545
6. AITJ For Leaving My Tattoo Appointment Early And Not Tipping The Artist?
“I got a memory piece for a deceased pet two years ago and wanted to add to it. I also had two new pieces I wanted, and thought the artist’s style would look good for them.
Originally they were supposed to happen at the end of January and I sent an email with descriptions, photos, and placement details.
Life events happened and we had to reschedule. I sent an email with dates back in February but never heard back. I decided to reach out again and got in touch yesterday (Wednesday) and scheduled for today (Thursday). I re-sent the tattoo information per request.
It takes an hour for me to get to the studio, and I came 10 minutes early for my 6 pm appointment. His previous appointment ran long, so he got out around 6:30 pm, and let me know he’s going to start the sketch now. I let him know what features I want highlighted, then waited until 7:15.
The sketch was not what I wanted, so I pulled up the email and showed a reference photo, and had to wait again until about 8:45. He came out, it still wasn’t what the pose was but it was super cute so I give the green light.
He then tells me that instead of what I was thinking for my 2nd tattoo (black rectangle with a semicolon cutout inside, possibly with some yellow stars/lights behind it), I should do a watercolor splash with the cutout instead. And I shouldn’t do yellow at all.
To top it off, he asks me to pick a pose and color for the third one (even though I provided photos for color and reference pose), which I understood as that the sketch isn’t done for it either.
I didn’t get in the seat until about 9:15 pm.
I was texting a couple of friends and was so frustrated at that point that I had to step out to let a few tears fall. Both friends (separately) told me to leave, but I paid a deposit back in January and didn’t want to lose it.
The process went smoothly, and the tattoo looks excellent, but I told him when I got to the chair that I’d have to go after the first one but didn’t elaborate. We finished at 10:55 pm, and I was expecting to be charged the rate for 2 hours, but it was $100 more.
At that point I didn’t feel like talking it through; I paid for the work and left.
I felt crappy about not tipping because I really love how it looks, but this just really made me feel like my patronage didn’t matter. I understand stuff running late, but if I knew I had to wait 3 hours, I would’ve just come at 9 pm.
I also didn’t like that the tattoos that we’ve planned before didn’t even have any sketches – I sent everything in January! He told me to get in touch when I want to come in for the other two, but I’m debating if I should ghost or say something.
Anyway, AITJ? Should I have still tipped?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tattoo artist here. I’m super busy and it seems that this guy is too..it’s so hard to draw for our appointments sometimes. Drawing and creating the design takes so much time and care.
It’s our art and yours too..forever on you. There are so many factors. Client vision and needs, our style and skill set, body placement, budget, how long the client can take being tattooed among a few. sometimes it needs to be redrawn. It’s a lot.
That being said, he seems to have dropped the ball. I try to be sure to have a drawing at least a few days before an appointment so I don’t end up like this guy. Scrambling and tattooing until super late…keeping the client waiting forever.
But you were really happy with what he delivered. I don’t necessarily think you should have tipped him, but I do think that you should understand how difficult it is some days. What’s important is the outcome of your tattoo. But I’m sorry that you had such a difficult experience getting there.” rough-landing
Another User Comments:
“Nah NTJ. Sometimes people run behind, but he was so unprepared for you and had no communication about where he was in the process. To me, that’s unprofessional. If I’m having someone put permanent work on me, then I should feel okay about the whole experience.
He should have at least had rough ideas sketched and sent to you, or told you he wanted to sketch with you there so you knew what to expect. I just had 2 tattoos done and I sent over reference photos and told him the look I was going for.
Day of, he had 2 different ones for me to look at and okay. Then we verified the style of one part. A good artist will give you advice and honesty. Mine told me that yellow will fade quicker than some other colors but to protect it with sunscreen etc. He helped me with placement when I was debating the look.
Never once did I feel uncomfortable or put out. I’m sorry you had that experience and I personally wouldn’t go back.” Noswellin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve never known a tattoo studio to be open till 11 pm, like the longest I’ve had to wait for a tattoo is half an hour, and they always do it like the picture I send but do add colors or little touches so it’s different than the original so it isn’t a full copy, which I love.
I had an outline done of an owl on my chest and to come back when I picked the colors for it, months later I just went back and said I have no idea what colors so just go for it as long it had teal and pink in it!
(My fav colors) It is a bright colourful owl and I love it! Went back after it healed to fill in gaps between the birds and the lilies on my shoulders and let the artist pick, and they did branches with pink and teal petal-like shapes on them,” SL33PYSL0THIE
5. AITJ For Refusing To Eat High Purine Foods My Family Cooks?
“I recently was diagnosed with gout about a month ago, and I was told by my doctor that I had to make some significant changes to my diet if I wanted to avoid another painful attack. And those attacks are quite painful. When I had to work from home because it hurt too much for me to walk, that was when I decided to see a doctor to try to figure out what was going on.
But when I told my mother and my grandmother about this, their attitude was, “You would still eat high-purine foods if we served them to you, right? It is OK for you to have a little bit.”
Now I have both my mother and my grandmother telling me I am hurting them by saying no to certain foods they are trying to serve me when I visit them.
They are claiming they worked to cook these meals and I should be appreciative and chow down. I am telling them I do not want a gout flare-up. They are telling me I am being extremely unreasonable and that I can have a little bit.
I am telling them I do not want to take that gamble. Now they are claiming I am being aggressive and hurtful towards them.
Maybe I am being unreasonable. Who knows?”
Another User Comments:
“”Mom, Grandma, eating those foods will cause me physical pain. The fact that you know that they will cause me physical pain, and yet you continue to insist I eat them to prove my love for you, is making me feel like you don’t love me.
Because if you love me, why do you want to hurt me?” And if they say anything about the hard work that went into making those foods, “I would appreciate it if you would make food for me, but all of that hard work you did was not for me since you know I can’t eat it.
You made that food for other people. Which is fine, I’m not mad about it, but you made that in spite of me, not for me.” NTJ. If they are actually interested in showing their love for you, they could help you start figuring out what yummy foods you can eat that aren’t poison for you.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Whatever you do, no matter what they tell you, if you go to someone else’s house and there’s even a chance you might eat there, bring something in your bag that you can eat. You will 100% encounter situations where someone tries to feed you something you can’t have, despite your having told them in advance you can’t have it.
I have a moderate nut allergy (not lethal, yet), and 80% of my family continually forgets I can’t have nuts, and sometimes they intentionally made something with nuts and tell me to “pick it out.”” vocabulazy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a concern and they are not taking it seriously.
Tell them you’ll be happy to eat the food they make if they respect your medically required diet. Even a little bit can cause excruciating pain. If they care at all about your well-being, they will make you food you can eat. I have a severe allergy to carrots and celery.
When I was younger, I became aware of my reactions to these foods. My mother thought I was lying and just didn’t want to eat them. She’d keep serving them. I’d just avoid them. She’d get mad and I’d have to miss dessert. One Sunday, there was a church event the kids had to make meals for everyone.
Guess what I was in charge of? Yep…Carrots! Good opportunity to show my mother just how bad my reaction is to carrots. I started with peeling. My face got rashes. I showed her, she said hay fever. OK. Then I did chopping. Then the facial swelling started up.
My mother was still not convinced it was the carrots. I continued with grating some carrots. Then I got dizzy and nauseated and couldn’t breathe. I walked up to her. She was shocked. I ended up throwing up all over the church dining room floor.
I couldn’t control it or I’d have run to the bathroom. I couldn’t see a thing and was running out of breath. She finally got the picture. I’m allergic to carrots. I have the same reaction to celery. I hate that I almost had to die to get her to take me seriously, but maybe you need your mother and grandmother to see for themselves how bad certain foods affect you.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Marry The Girl My Parents Chose For Me?
“I (19m) and my dad (50m) have gotten into a fight. He wants me to marry this girl that he and my mom really like. They are close with the family. Now it wouldn’t be for another year or two, she is 21 and has told her parents that she would only agree if she is finished with school.
But I don’t want to get married at all and I have told my dad this but he would never really hear it. He keeps saying that once I meet her it would all change.
So they set us on a date to meet (this happened a year ago).
Now she’s an ok person but I don’t really like her. After the date, I kind of thought she would say the same, but she didn’t. She told her dad that she likes me and that he made a good choice. After my dad heard that he would not hear me out on how I was feeling.
So at the time I just got over it and lived with the fact that I have to marry her.
But I meet this guy in college and well we have been togetherish for some time. When I came back home from school I brought up the marriage again.
Which started a fight and my dad was saying that not getting married would hurt their reputation. He called me a jerk for lying about being ok with it.
So I left the house and now I’m thinking of it all. I feel bad because I did say I would go through with it and now I do feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume this is something that is more common in your culture, but that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. Your life should be lived for you and for your own happiness, not for your parents and theirs.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep your parents warm. You shouldn’t spend your entire life miserable just to save them from one difficult conversation. You don’t want to marry this girl, so don’t marry her. You don’t owe your parents anything in this regard, and it would be cruel to both the girl and yourself to try and force yourself into a marriage you don’t want.
Do what makes you happy, OP. You, not them.” ReluctantViking
Another User Comments:
“You are asking what is a majority white leftist American to judge someone from a religious conservative background. We really aren’t the best people for this as we don’t know the culture or the consequences of the advice.
Also, where are you? If you’re gay in college in Riyadh that makes things a lot different to being gay in Pennsylvania. If your Dad was mad at you for not wanting to get married, how is he going to react to you being gay?
Will you be exiled from the family or is your life in danger?” thekeelhaul
Another User Comments:
“And when you’re 70 and your parents are dead and you’ve lived in an unhappy marriage for fifty years for them, you’re gonna ask what the heck you did that for.
NTJ, but buddy, run like heck. Go be gay at college, then live YOUR life. Not your parents’. YOURS. Burn their reputation to the ground if you must. Do not live your life as your parents’ toy. You’re a person. Live YOUR life the way YOU want.” heofthesidhe
3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad To Give His Speech At My Wedding?
“My fiancée and I (both 20s) are getting married in a month and there’s a dispute with my dad now and he claims I’m being unfair, but I wanted to get some thoughts on it. So Dad decided he was going to give a speech at the wedding without saying anything first. He had shared the contents of said speech with his sister, my aunt, and she knew the speech would not sit well with me and mentioned his plan to me.
So in this speech he already wrote he talks a lot about how his wife is the love of his life, how amazing she is, etc. It’s very similar to the speech he gave at their vow renewal 10 years ago. He hasn’t shied away from expressing in front of me and to me that he never loved anyone like he loved his wife, how all his past relationships pale in comparison.
And that includes my mom who was his first wife, who left him widowed with an 8-year-old son at the time. To make it even more difficult to hear. The vow renewal was held on my 18th birthday and I got to celebrate my birthday by hearing Dad talk about how Mom meant nothing because his second wife was so much better.
They were married for 8 years at the time. But a lot of family and friends didn’t attend their actual wedding and they decided they’d basically have a second one to celebrate and they decided my birthday was the perfect time to do this.
Anyway, the speech he wrote for my wedding had a lot of this content from what my aunt heard from my dad and read herself.
She knew on my wedding day the last thing I needed to hear was how much he adores his wife when he does so in a way that basically said my mom meant nothing to him.
I told him I knew about the speech and he didn’t have permission to give the speech at my wedding.
Dad asked why not and I told him I didn’t want him to use my wedding to praise his wife. He said she means the world to us so why would I say that? I told him she means the world to him. But she pales in comparison to my mom who meant the world to me and still does.
I told him he might have decided Mom meant nothing but that didn’t mean I shared his feelings. He accused me of being sensitive and then said it seemed like I didn’t care about his wife at all, and then he said she was a good mom to me for the 8 years she raised me.
I told him she was never anything more than his wife. My mom died when I was 8 and I didn’t get a new one. And the last thing I need to hear is how little she meant on my wedding day. Dad told me to be reasonable and the parents of the bride and groom typically say something.
I told him nothing he had to say had a place at my wedding. That this is mine and my fiancée’s wedding, not his. I told him to get married again if all he wants to do is praise his wife. But it was not happening at mine.
He told me to stop acting like a little boy and grow up. I left. Then his wife called crying about the fight Dad and I had. Which led to Dad calling me again and telling me to grow up again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely stand your ground. Your dad is displaying a level of self-importance and lack of empathy that he might consider seeking help about. To make two events that are to be focused on you (your birthday and wedding) about him and his wife is really just appalling.
Thank God you found out about his intentions. However, I have a gut instinct that he will attempt to give his speech anyway, thinking that if he were to stand up in a crowd nobody would stop him. This is what you must do. Have the DJ set up before speeches before the dinner and at the ready for the entirety of the time that people will be seated. Have a third trusted person who is NOT a speech-giver also ready.
If your dad stands up as if to speak, the DJ can start playing music over him and the 3rd person (probably a man) can go to him and say that he is needed at the front. And then, have your aunt or whomever waiting to tell him to stop.
In other words, when he attempts to ambush with his speech, someone else or a group of people needs to be ready with their own ambush to derail what he wants to do. And finally, it might not be a bad idea to print out or direct your father to what I imagine will be 100% of the people responding that think your father is displaying horrid behavior in which he may actually need to see a therapist to get to the root cause of why everything has to be about him and his wife.
It is odd, concerning, and not the type of behavior expected of a healthy person who is the parent in the situation and should be thinking of their child.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ 100%. Your dad is behaving like a narcissist. It’s all about him, apparently as usual. Him calling you sensitive is a giant red flag and typical of someone who thinks only his feelings matter.
I would have people ready to escort him out in real time if you still even want to include him. I’m so sorry this is the one parent you have left. At some point you should read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, it will help you going forward see a lot of his likely behavior for what it is, as well as identify any unhealthy habits you may have learned but don’t want to bring into your adult/healthy relationships.
I’m sorry your mom passed, if I were you I’d reserve a seat with her photo/flower on it to honor her memory at your wedding and reception. Front and center. And have the officiant include her in their remarks. Congratulations!” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your answer is simple. “Dad, I am getting married. My mom died 8 years ago. It’s fine that your wife means the world to you, but she does not to me, she was never a “replacement mom” and I am not going to listen to you demean my mom on my wedding day.
I do not trust you to stick to a speech that doesn’t do this, so here is how this is going to go down. You are not making a speech. You are not giving a toast. If you try to do so, I will have you removed from the wedding.
If you try to bring this up again or get others involved, I will rescind you and your wife’s invitation to the wedding entirely. This is not open to negotiation, and we will not discuss it again. If you can’t abide by this, I understand that you will have chosen not to attend my wedding.” Then do it.
If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to set boundaries with your parents and enforce them. (Oh, and make sure that whoever is running the microphones knows NOT to turn it on for your dad, so you can have a bit of time for someone to get to him if he tries to speak.) If Dad is partially funding the wedding, this may be a good time to give that money back to eliminate the strings and control he perceives he has.” Tarik861
2. AITJ For Insisting On Spending Father's Day Honoring My Deceased Dad Instead Of With My Son?
“I (33M) lost my father at a young age. Ever since then, I’ve spent Father’s Day at his grave and visiting places that were important to him. My wife has always been supportive of this, but last year that changed.
Our son, 6 now, 5 then, wanted to attend this Father’s Day festival with me.
I told him that I already had plans, but he was welcome to join me and learn about his grandfather. Son didn’t enjoy the day. He was very bored at the gravesite, and I repeatedly had to direct him away from other graves. The long car rides were also a lot for him.
I decided that this type of experience shouldn’t be repeated again for him until he is older.
Tickets for this year’s festival just went on sale, and this morning my wife gave me two tickets, an adult and child, for me and my son. I reminded her that I had plans.
She got mad and told me my dad would be disappointed in me for neglecting his grandson (I don’t neglect my son).
I got really irritated with my wife. I told her this one day is all I ever ask for and am not giving it up.
She called me a jerk and said if I don’t take son to the festival she will and will tell everyone there she’s present because her husband is a deadbeat dad. I think she’s out of line. Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“You were deprived of far too many Father’s Day celebrations with your dad and now, you’re depriving your son of them too. Your grief is understandable and it sounds like you’ve established a tradition that brings you some measure of comfort. However, it’s time to start focusing on the relationship in front of you rather than the one that’s in the past. When your son is old enough, perhaps you can reestablish the tradition or, as others have suggested, go to the cemetery on your dad’s birthday instead.
YTJ but gently. Good luck!” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son is going to remember that you weren’t here for him on Father’s Day, that you would rather spend it in a cemetery than with him. I know you miss your father, but spending the whole day there is a lot when you have a living kid who needs you!
I think it’s appropriate to visit briefly and take your son, but then go and do activities with your actual child. Which presumably is what his grandfather would want, not you moping around his grave when his grandson is sitting home wondering why daddy won’t hang with him.
If you feel like you need a yearly day to mourn like this, of course that’s fine… but why not his birthday? Or another day that is important to both of you but unimportant to the rest of your family.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ… maybe even no jerks here, but you are in the wrong. I’ve always felt that “days” are arbitrary. You shouldn’t wait until someone’s birthday to call them, an anniversary to show your partner you care, etc. You can visit your dad any day of the year.
But this festival, which means a lot to your son, is date-sensitive. It’s important that you be there. Moreover, ask yourself what your father would want. Obviously he raised a loving, devoted son who still honors and cherishes his memory. That speaks volumes. Wouldn’t he want you to have a similar impact on your son?
Wouldn’t he want you to be the kind of father he was? You do not need to be alone in a quiet cemetery to remember your father. In a way, he isn’t even really there. His memory is alive in you. His legacy lives on through you.
Cherish him through your deeds. Be a father to your son, and in doing so honor what he was to you. PS – the best thing about this story is that it isn’t over. There is still time. You can buy those tickets, you can experience the joy of telling your son that he gets to go with his dad to the festival. You can apologize to your wife and tell her you’ve reconsidered (and I’m confident she would also apologize for insinuating you weren’t a good father).” WintersbaneGDX
1. AITJ For Calling My Friend Naive For Believing Her Affair Partner's Lies?
“I have a friend who we will call Chloe, we work in the same place but have known each other longer. She is talking to a guy in our office called Mark. At first, I thought they were only friends until I noticed a little bit of flirting going on and I asked Chloe about it and she told me that she and Mark were having a secret (mainly emotional but partly physical) affair and that she feels bad but can’t stop.
It’s been going on for months now and I was only told about it a couple of weeks ago.
Now onto why I might be the jerk. I was coming into work today and I overheard Mark say that he and his wife are expecting.
I said my congrats and then went to work. I told Chloe about it and the first thing she did was text Mark about it who is now glaring daggers at me and he told her that it wasn’t true.
I asked Chloe why she told him that because I was the only person there (I figured if she knew now that his wife was pregnant she would stop the affair).
She said, “I’m not his keeper, he can do what he wants.” I proceeded to turn around and call her stupid, naïve, and desperate if she believes his lies. She then went to the bathroom to cry.
When I told my friends about it they said I could have said it more gently to her as she is clearly falling for him and that I am the jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you might want to dial back your friendship with Chloe. She sounds pretty pathetic and when Mark either (1) dumps her because his wife is pregnant, (2) strings her along that he’s going to leave his wife and never does, or (3) deceives Chloe too, you don’t want to be near that train wreck when it goes down.
Because I promise you, one of those 3 things will absolutely happen.” megZesq
Another User Comments:
“She feels bad about flirting with a married man but CAN’T stop? Can’t isn’t the word, she means she won’t stop. Your friends are the naïve ones if they think being gentle with this girl who’s already stated she doesn’t CARE that he’s married would matter.
Sometimes being blunt is what’s required to get through to someone you care about. More than likely, Mark does have female friends in his phone, they’re listed as Chris, Terry, and Pat. He seems like a loser and the fact he’d openly flirt at work without caring who knows shows he’s not someone to be trusted, so how she could be falling for the guy is beyond me.
NTJ.” kristent225
Another User Comments:
“If Mark is not allowed to have women friends, then either his wife is very insecure or she has put him on notice after he got caught deceiving. Either way, best not to mess with that whole thing. Mark is, very apparently, not trustworthy.
And he is lying to both his wife and Chloe. OP is NTJ for telling Chloe that the wife is expecting. But she is being naive to think that Chloe would not get mad at her. In my experience, women who hope their married lover will choose them are not happy to hear any evidence to the contrary.
They are intentionally avoiding the reality that the guy is a jerk. OP can also expect that Mark will not be happy with her either, but who really cares what he thinks. I just feel sorry for the wife. At some point, she will find out Mark’s too big of a jerk to make kids with.
It’s already too late, really.” Haunting-Ad-5526
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