People Trust Their Gut In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Remove The Pool Cover After My Brother's Drowning?
“3 years ago my little brother passed away. Ever since then, I’ve been a little bit depressed. He was only a year and a half old. He passed while my family was having a huge house party, and somehow no one noticed he was in the backyard by himself and fell into the pool.
It was the saddest day of my life. Anyway, I overheard my mom talking to my dad that we should take off the pool cover, and she said she wouldn’t mind having a pool again. The pool cover has been on for 3 years and no one has been in the pool.
This made me furious because I can’t even go in my backyard anymore without crying because I still miss my little brother. I immediately protested and said that there’s no reason to take it off and it would be in bad memory to do so.
My mom said it would help with healing and we should use the pool again. I said that no and she should respect my brother and her son, she said I was being a drama queen, and I said that she let him pass for nothing and it was her fault she didn’t watch him.
My mom was furious and I had never seen her that mad before, and my dad also yelled at me.
I went crying to my room. But I don’t think they should take off the pool cover, AITJ for wanting to not bring back those awful memories, it’s basically swimming in my brother’s grave.”
Another User Comments:
“Grief is a pain, and while you WERE a jerk with that one remark, I’ll still go with no jerks here. Your mother is right, but you also have not, understandably, processed this. You have depression, and anger, and resentment. You need to see some professional counseling to help you work through this.
It’s different for everyone, some heal faster than others. and that doesn’t make either right or wrong, good or bad. It just means everyone is different in how they process grief and trauma.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“I’m really sorry for your loss but unfortunately (softly) YTJ.
I understand that you are grieving and in a bad place, but what you said to your mom was really cruel. Just because she isn’t grieving in the same way as you are doesn’t mean that she isn’t grieving the loss of her son.
It’s also not fair for you to blame her. I can’t imagine how difficult this loss has been for you but you need to understand that toddlers are notorious for being quick and getting into sticky situations the minute you look away. It was a house party and probably a little bit hectic and yes, better attention should have been paid to the son, but there was no reason for her to think that he would somehow wander to the backyard alone and out of sight and get into the pool.
It’s a really tragic accident and it’s super unfair for you to act like she killed him. You’re all grieving in your household and it seems like you’re grieving differently but you need to understand that it’s okay to start moving forward – that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about and miss your brother.
It’s been three years and it’s not criminal for her to want to maybe start using the pool again. If you don’t want to then don’t, but you way overreacted. I think you should consider grief counseling to help you so that this grief isn’t so all-consuming.
And you should really talk to your mom and apologize. Seriously she’s probably already blaming herself and what you said definitely hurt her tremendously all over a pool cover.” che37vr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Accidental drowning is the leading cause of death for children under 4.
It is unfortunately VERY common. While I’m sure some of those are due to neglect, people don’t think tragic events are GOING to happen until it does in fact happen to them. I’m sure your parents harbor guilt and their own resentment and would change their actions if they could.
You clearly are handling your brother’s death in a different way. I am so sorry for your loss and the trauma you have to go through. No one is wrong but you all need help to heal together. It sounds a little toxic how this all came about.
I would suggest some therapy not just for you but for your family as a whole to navigate this very difficult situation. I would also try to explain how you feel to your parents in a different way, without going into attack mode, and apologize for being harsh.
Your mother definitely shouldn’t have called you a drama queen because your feelings are valid but she isn’t trying to disrespect your brother with this decision. If I were in your parents’ shoes I would feel completely devastated if my child told me I was at fault for this accident and that I let my child die.
It takes only seconds for drowning to occur. It was an accident and by the sounds of it there were people everywhere.” SnooPandas4672
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Aunt Over A Joke That Makes Me Uncomfortable?
“My mom likes to have calls on speaker/video calls and when I walk by she makes me say hi.
No big deal. This incident happened on one such call. My mother was talking to my aunt and I walked past and did the usually polite small talk. Then my aunt started making this joke that I was uncomfortable with. It’s actually a joke she has been making for over 12 years.
Each time she says this joke I get visibly uncomfortable. I used to get more irritated as a child but now try to steer the conversation towards something else.
Well yesterday I kind of just snapped, in a slightly louder voice (not yelling but also not the same tone of the conversation) said I don’t like the joke.
Afterward, my mom said it wasn’t nice to make a woman who is so much older than me feel bad.
Also, some added info on multiple occasions my mother has had a discussion with my aunt about how this joke makes me uncomfortable. I also have said that this joke makes me uncomfortable on multiple occasions in the last 12 years.
Anyway, my mom basically had a big fight with me over this. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t even matter the specifics of the joke, the fact is, your aunt has been repeatedly told (by you and your own mom) about how this makes you feel and she makes the conscious decision to ignore your feelings.
Just because you’re a kid doesn’t mean you don’t deserve respect, and snapping at someone is a valid response to repeatedly getting disrespected. Yelling at her was probably the only way to get through to her.” Saltgrains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Age has nothing to do with being offensive.
There are plenty of older people who say problematic things and people say “It’s just that generation.” That excuse it nonsense. Just because someone is raised a certain way doesn’t mean they can’t learn to be accepting people. Even if your aunt’s joke isn’t one of these, she has still had 12 years to not make people uncomfortable.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you established your boundaries previously and then held your aunt accountable when she crossed them. Age has nothing to do with respect–everyone must earn respect in order to get it regardless of their age. Do not stop holding people accountable for crossing your established boundaries.
Even parents should respect the boundaries of their kids.” SoftAsk8644
20. AITJ For Wanting A Disruptive Family Kicked Out Of The Cinema?
“I went to see the latest Jurassic Park film a couple of weeks ago.
Also in the cinema was a woman who had brought along five children who were various ages from five down. Unsurprisingly, the kids had no interest in the film and ran wild, stomping along the rows of seats and calling out. The adults did very little to keep them under control.
I tolerated it for fifteen minutes once the film started before complaining to staff. I was not the first. The manager spoke to the woman who told her kids to sit down “or we’ll get kicked out”. That kept them in place for all of three minutes.
Then they were back to yelling and running around.
Another patron made another complaint, as did I. The woman was spoken to twice more, each time the manager stood beside her for five minutes watching and then went back to their job. But apart from that short relief, the kids disrupted about 90% of a long movie.
After the first talking-to didn’t get the kids under control I just wanted the group to be asked to leave.
My brother thinks there’s no way people, particularly parents, would agree that the group should have been kicked out.
So, WIBTJ if the group including preschool kids had been asked to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Along with the “do not disturb” messages, more movie theaters are advertising “kid-friendly” showtimes as a way to inform customers that kid behavior is expected during a particular showing. So movie theaters are making times and places for families to share a movie experience.
As a mother of two, I understand how this mom might want to see a much-anticipated movie but in the end, there are rules to movie etiquette. She knows this like we all do. You did the right thing.” dudette_489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have four children and when I take them to the movies, I make sure they sit quietly and don’t disturb other people.
Recently we had a similar experience, where three children were moving around the theatre while their parent was trying to keep a baby in arms quiet. One of the children was a toddler and I was honestly worried for their safety on the stairs etc. They ended up leaving, not sure whether they were asked to or not.
It’s not fair on my children who are trying hard to behave themselves to see children running around out of control!” Agreeable_Space2759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, it’s actually quite rare for people to get thrown from the theater. As you just witnessed. Staff don’t really want to mess with it, and kind of pray you’ll just suffer silently so they don’t have to deal with a potentially messy situation.
At a minimum, anything they do is disruptive, or you have teenage staff who are deeply uncomfortable with the entire thing of confronting adults or fellow teens. But they also run the risk that someone may go psycho and attack, or things escalate to calling the police.
Generally, if you find yourself in a theater with disruptive, awful people, it’s best to request a refund for your own ticket, or that you be switched to a new movie that’s just starting, or later show time. They’ve always been quite happy to accommodate such requests (unless it’s ten minutes to the end of the film).
It sucks and it’s not quite fair that you have to change when they’re the ones ruining things, but it tends to be the happy path to seeing your movie in peace.” millac7
19. AITJ For Being Upset About My Partner's Teasing Of A 'Deathbed Secret'?
“I (26f) was having lunch with my partner (36m) and he randomly asked if I have a deathbed secret. (a secret you would only say on your deathbed).
I said no and he said he did.
I asked what it was and he said he won’t tell me but maybe before he dies. I got a bit weirded out and he explained it’s not a bad thing and it’s like the time we went ring shopping but didn’t get one.
I asked if it has to do with marriage or rings and he said no it’s an example. Anyway, I let it go.
A few days later he’s nervous about a phone call from his boss he thinks it will be bad and I think it will be good.
He says if it’s a good call he will tell me his deathbed secret, if it’s bad he won’t. I was annoyed by that and said he shouldn’t be keeping stuff from me and it’s cruel to keep teasing me with something like that.
I got annoyed and went to another room and wouldn’t talk to him. He said I’m the jerk because I should respect his privacy and shouldn’t be mad and should be grateful he even considered telling me. But I’m mad because he’s keeping stuff from me and teasing it.
AITJ??
Another part I forgot to mention is I have issues with things like this. When I feel there is stuff being kept from me it gives me really bad anxiety and sets off my OCD. I am in therapy for this but stuff like this bothers me really badly like an itch I can’t scratch: he knows this and knows I have problems with things like this and said it’s not his fault I’m bothered by him bringing it up to tease me it’s my problem for having mental health issues.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows you have issues with stuff being kept from you, then says he has a secret and teases you, as he knows it’s a trigger? This kind of reminds me of other posts where a girl cannot bear whistling so the partner constantly whistles, another can’t bear being tickled so the partner constantly tickles her, etc etc. If he is purposefully using your anxieties against you then he is a jerk.
If he is just constantly teasing you, (or poking at you,) maybe his personality does not gel well with yours and he is not for you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He is kind of a jerk. Him confiding in you that he has a deathbed secret was okay.
He doesn’t have to tell you, it’s his choice not to. However, the way he threw it around so nonchalantly, and knowingly teased you with it, is wrong. Also knowing that you have anxiety over things like this, and not just dropping it since he has no intentions to tell you, is wrong.
You need to discuss this with him to give him the chance to be more considerate of you, and decide if you want that kind of person in your life.” Blurple-wolf
Another User Comments:
“Why bring something like this up and just drop it… ..which circles back to WHY DID HE BRING UP A TIME HE TOOK YOU RING SHOPPING BUT DIDN’T BUY A RING?
This seems really odd for him to compare things to unless he was TRYING to say, “Hey, remember how I just love messing with you and getting your hopes/curiosity up just to drop it and let you wonder wtf happened?” Yeah, weird. I take this as either he wanted to link the two things because it DOES have something to do with a proposal, OR he is a manipulative person who enjoys getting reactions out of you.
I think you need to sit him down and speak with him about this behavior and let him know that it’s not okay. This is not something you HAVE to put up with, OP. This feels like the jerk partners who give a crappy gift but then tell you the big, elaborate thing they wanted/hoped to do… like, why would you tell me what you had thought to do only to not do that at all???
Like, hey. Your favorite band is on tour and I totally planned to get front-row tickets and VIP passes, but here’s a key ring with their band name instead. Lol! (That did not happen to me, just an example.) Please talk with him!” DaydreamTacos
18. AITJ For Quitting My Job And Taking Sick Leave Due To Overwork And Mental Health Issues?
“I (20F) quit my job at a doggy daycare/doggy hotel (you read that right). It’s a fun job if you have nice customers and really like dogs.
So… I quit my job for two reasons.
Number 1. Too much responsibility for too low payment. Number 2. My mental health
I worked for my boss (f43) for the past 1.5 years, the pay was at its minimal wage for that occupation in that business but I didn’t mind it at first… I worked 10 hours a day from 7 am-5 pm) 5-6 days a week and an extra 1-2 hours in the evening at around 9 pm.
The work started getting chaotic the past 2 months before I gave my resignation letter to my boss. My coworker (m20) got criticized a lot, got warnings from customers and the boss for his laziness (which I don’t understand, we did everything the same way).
Vacation season came and a lot of customers came for the doggy hotel, and my boss wanted a vacation too.
So she booked an overseas vacation leaving me and my coworker to work which we agreed to.
That is what we thought
Less than a week before my boss’s vacation they gave my coworker a termination contract and she didn’t change the plans for her vacation overseas Which made me work alone for a whole week!
Mind you, the daycare has 40-50 dogs a day that come and go and during the vacation season, the doggy hotel was totally booked too. We did plan all together that it would be okay for her to go on vacation because there weren’t that many dogs that week.
But obviously how I was wrong or more like my boss while being on her vacation booked more dogs to the hotel which made me work from 6.30 am to 18.30 pm and then again from 9 pm to 11 pm! Because I was taking care of both daycare and the hotel.
It was like that for a while.
But the week when they went on vacation crossed the line of my patience. There were too many dogs at daycare (we had dogs with issues like aggression for other dogs) and at the hotel. I couldn’t handle it so I called if I could get some help or at least close the daycare but got an answer “do you think I’m just being lazy on my vacation, I’m taking calls nonstop from possible customers” and that was it.
My mental health was really bad when I was making that call, I was having a mental breakdown on the phone but she ignored it, and told me that she has it hard too. (Every morning that half a week I was crying before, during, and after work.
I didn’t really eat anything until my partner forced me to get some nourishment.)
So when they came back I gave the resignation letter. Saying I cannot do all their work for them anymore.
But oh how wrong I was in that too. The same weekend on Sunday I got my schedule that I’m gonna work as normal until my last day of employment.
With my health on a big decline, I called in sick and directly booked a time with a doctor for sick leave from work. By the way, I did ask for time off work but they said no.
Got my sick leave and stayed at home for the rest of my employment.
But AITJ for doing it that way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s ridiculous. And side note: I’ve worked at dog kennels and IMO you should probably look into both local labor laws and doggy daycare laws regarding staff to animals ratios. I wouldn’t be shocked if your boss was breaking laws on both fronts with what they pulled. For example: if it’s just you in the building, to turn dogs out for group play or put them back, you would have to leave dogs unsupervised while you move dogs back and forth.
Not safe, and probably illegal.” Smhassassin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I attempted to do the same last fall when I changed jobs. Between sick time, floating holidays, and other PTO I had about a month’s worth of time off saved up. I was really nervous about changing jobs and the possibility of leaving one mess for another so I submitted my month’s worth of time off and my resignation date for my last day.
I wanted to use that time as a buffer to feel out the new place. Unfortunately, HR squashed that plan. I ended up getting paid out for all of that PTO but I lost my buffer.” Jaymez82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Partner of the story here!
I tried to support her as much as I could and it was a mess. I was getting furious just hearing about how her days were. I pushed her decision to resign since I didn’t think they were treating her very well and to be fair I got the impression that the “abuse” had been going on for months but mostly for the last 2 months I think she did the right thing, I helped out as much as I could at home to relieve some of her burden and she was grateful but in the end it wasn’t enough.
Anyway love you, babe, you’re doing so much better now.” Krazur
17. AITJ For Wanting Personal Space From A Friend?
“I (13F) know I may seem like a major jerk and I don’t mind if you say I am. Let’s call my friend Jacob (13M). So today, Jacob and I went to the movies with some others.
He was crying because the darkness and loud noises scare him. I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m being disrespectful, I fully understand that people with special needs are sensitive to sound. So, he was crying and one of the older people (23F) in charge tried calming him down.
He did but he wanted to hold one of their hands but then he wanted to hold mine. I don’t feel very comfortable with people touching me when I don’t really know them. So, I said, “No thank you.” He looked really sad and like I had felt bad but I didn’t feel comfortable like I said earlier.
Then when we were in the vehicle he wanted to sit next to me. He did and he was crying on the way there scared. I was trying to calm him down but he was getting very close to me and I was sitting on the edge because I want space.
I understand some people like to be close to someone when they’re sad but I again repeat I am not very comfortable. I know I sound like a huge jerk. But it takes time for me to warm up and this wasn’t the only time.
He wants to hug me every time and I said yes the first few times but now he wants them even more. I did it the first few times not to be rude but now I just don’t feel comfortable (again I’m sorry) with hugging him every time I see him.
Sometimes he walks or comes very close to me and I don’t like it. I feel uncomfortable and I tell him to please back up. Sometimes, these little kids(around 5-7) try to use his disabilities to do things to me like say, “Hey tag *enter my name*” and he does.
These little kids really get me going. I tell them to stop but they think it’s funny to keep on doing it. It’s not. I really hate it.
Jacob, sometimes used to say I was his friend. I know what he means, a female friend.
But those little kids from before think he thinks about me that way. I don’t know. I can’t really say.
Last rant, I promise. Sometimes when Jacob stands close to me he accidentally hits my chest area when we’re talking to our friends because he moves his hands when he talks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I say it as autistic myself, other people are entitled to their personal space and those kinds of things too, just because someone has some disability/disorder or whatever doesn’t allow them to cause distress to others. Especially because he is autistic he needs to get it explained more and better and not just allow him everything.
Autistic people usually can learn many of these things too, it just need more effort, but if no one tries to teach him, he will be doomed in the future and not know how to behave at all.” jnlpt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, only because you are 13 and are dealing with your own issues.
You are allowed to set boundaries. You know you are not doing the right thing all the time. If you choose not to better yourself then you would be a jerk. but the adults should be helping you with this. The adults in charge are the jerks.
they should be helping you deal with your issues and learn how to be more kind to others. They are not helping him by allowing the behavior to go unchecked and allowing the other kids to bully you both.” Helpful_Welcome9741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A slight addition to what everyone else has said: it’s possible Jacob doesn’t have boundaries both because he wasn’t taught and because his own boundaries have been violated (like… being forced to go to a movie theatre… crying on the way THERE+ dislikes the dark + dislikes loud noises is pretty telling…).
So his guardians need to pick up the slack and not only teach him about boundaries but stop violating his boundaries themselves. It’s hypocritical of them. They’re the jerks. This scenario is NOT your issue, and you should take it to an adult.
The adults in your group should be planning more sensory-friendly activities when they have him or he shouldn’t be in the group during sensory-unfriendly experiences. I’m autistic myself and highly prefer being very bored over being extremely overstimulated. I’m in my early 20s and can’t imagine leaving a 13-year-old essentially in charge of an autistic boy who has boundary issues.
Can’t imagine what the people in charge of your group were thinking.” Olliecat27
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent After Being Forced To Move Without Notice?
“I (21F) live with my two best friends (21F and 23F).
Our landlord is, we’ll call her Maya’s, uncle. We were supposed to move into our permanent house at the end of May, but it wasn’t done yet. Not a problem, they had another house that they said we could live in for a small fee while they wrapped up at the permanent house.
It is now July. Our house still is not done, so we are in the temporary house still. Two days ago, our landlord tells us people are coming to tour the house to film a TV show or movie there. They ended up loving it, and chose the house to film at.
The landlord says it won’t be an issue, that they will start when we move out in two weeks. Cool.
Yesterday, he messaged us and said the company actually wanted to start moving stuff in for filming this week. Our house is still not done.
The landlord says he will move us into another house for a week or two while they wrap up our permanent house. I didn’t love this, because I start school on Wednesday, and that’s a lot of stress for me to deal with while in school, but I bit my tongue.
This morning, he texted us and said “moving company is on the way, we’re moving you today.” I have most of my stuff packed anyway since I knew this house wasn’t permanent, but my makeup and bed and clothes for work and school were not packed. He gave us a thirty-minute warning to pack up and be ready to move.
I talked to my mom and another best friend, who is a lawyer, and she said what he is doing is completely illegal and I should sue. Now, this is Maya’s uncle. I do not want to cause issues. However, my parents, who help me pay rent, say they will not be paying my part for the month of July since we did not get to live here the full-time promised and are being uprooted once again, this time with hardly any warning.
I texted Maya to let her know I will not be paying, and she said, “I have nothing to do with that.” She is as mad as I am, but cannot show it because again, this is her family. I have yet to tell the landlord that I will not be paying.
While Maya is not necessarily mad at me, I still somewhat feel like the jerk. So, am I the jerk for refusing to pay my rent because our landlord is forcing us to move without proper warning?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What does the law say where you live?
Where I live, it is illegal to stop paying rent. You continue to pay rent but sue the landlord. You can later be awarded money to cover the rent you paid. What he’s doing is probably illegal, and definitely shady and annoying. That said, you must make sure that you do everything to the letter of the law in order for you to have a positive outcome.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Under most state laws in the US, I believe this would be considered an eviction. I think you should listen to your lawyer friend and pursue legal remedy here. This is the very reason landlord-tenant laws exist, and I’d suggest you get a copy of them for your locale so you can understand how badly the landlord is taking advantage of you.
He’s doing it because he thinks he can get away with it because he’s Maya’s uncle.” throwawaysamplesize9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you feel, but how much do you want to lawyer up with someone’s uncle? Let’s get one point straight: you are completely correct.
What he is doing is against the law. What he’s doing is against any sort of socially acceptable norm. The uncle is wrong. However, from what I’m reading, you are planning to not pay him for this, but are going to trust him not to be an illegal jerk about the next house that you’re renting from him.
And you think he’s just going to accept that this is fair and not try to do something to get the back rent? Probably something that also isn’t legal? And you’re going to navigate this with Maya having family commitments that she doesn’t want to break?
That doesn’t sound socially plausible. It’s going to result in legal action.” numtini
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Partner After He Pranked Me About My Job Application?
“I (F20) had applied to a new job, one with way better pay than the one I’m working now and better benefits. The new job I applied for is something that I’ve been interested in for a while but wasn’t too sure how to start.
Well, I applied and told my partner (M21) about it and explained how important and excited I would be if I were to get the job. Well, he’s been on vacation outside the country and we had agreed that I would go pick him up when he arrives back to our state.
Today has been a busy day but I received a phone call. I lazily answered because I thought it was a spam/prank phone call but the person on the phone, who I did not recognize their voice, explained that they were calling from said company and that they wanted to ask me a couple of questions and schedule an interview.
Well, as I was looking through what dates I have open because I do work this whole week, it went silent and then a voice I recognized asked “what time are you going to be at the airport.”
My smile dropped. I told him “in what world would that be funny” and “to get another ride” then blocked him on iMessage.
I cried. He’s tried calling me, telling me that he’s going to be waiting for me at the airport, and refuses to get another ride. I told two of my friends, one says that it wasn’t funny and that it was messed up of him to try to make a joke out of something I found important to me.
The other says I need to stop being petty. His flight lands in a couple of hours, would I be the jerk if I didn’t go?”
I just want to say he had never been controlling of me and always has always tried his best to understand where I’m coming from and I’m not a doormat he knows I’ll leave him if I need to.
ANYWAYS… I picked him up from the airport he quickly apologized and said that he didn’t think about it in the moment and didn’t realize how much it could’ve hurt me until after it was done I told him I was driving him home and that we weren’t going to continue our plans and that I felt embarrassed and that he did hurt my feelings (we planned on watching movies and spending the rest of the day together).
He refused to leave the car and told me he would make it up to me, we sat in silence for about 2 hours before we found out that no one was home to open the door (he left his keys since he didn’t need them) so we went back to my house and I gave him his gift. He hugged me and thanked me.
He said that he will never do something like that again, now knowing that it hurt me the way it did (he said that before he got the gift). He’s now going to take me out for breakfast tomorrow and we have other plans as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest sending him something like this: Partner – I know you thought it was a funny joke to call and pretend to be the job I applied to. I’m sure it seemed funny from your side. But what you’re not realizing, is I have a lot of emotion in this job application.
It means a lot to me. When I thought it was them calling, I was overjoyed. And when I realized it was you, I felt totally betrayed. After we hung up, I was crying. It wasn’t funny to me, it wasn’t a prank, it just hurt, and it hurt more that it’s YOU doing it.
And you need to realize that- your actions hurt me. And after you hurt me, you didn’t apologize, you didn’t in any way recognize that harm had been done, you didn’t in any way recognize that I was in pain, you just kept talking about the ride- a FAVOR you expect me to do for you.
So no, I’m not picking you up at the airport. That’s not a punishment. It’s because right now I’m hurting because of your ‘funny joke’ so I don’t even want to see you or talk to you right now. I want you to recognize that you’ve hurt me, that your stupid joke was anything but funny and was in fact hurtful, and apologize.
I hope we can talk tomorrow and maybe make this right. But for now, I need some space so I’m signing off for the night.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but hon YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYED: “He refused to leave the car and told me he would make it up to me, we sat in silence for about 2 hours before we found out that no one was home to open the door (he left his keys since he didn’t need them).” Can you really not see dozens of red flags?
He refused to get out of your car- that’s controlling and abusive. You had to sit in your car for 2 hours? You should have insisted he get out or you’d call cops. How very convenient he didn’t have house keys-so he ‘had’ to go to your place.
I’m sorry but this is not the way decent people treat their partners. You deserve way better.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reading your edit was just annoying. He’s a jerk. He didn’t sit in the car for two hours because of how bad he felt.
He was throwing a tantrum that you were still mad at him and just kept throwing apologies at you until you were fed up enough to just go home. “He apologized right after.” Ok? People apologize and don’t mean it all the time, and you can tell from the way he talks and acts that he knew you wouldn’t go through with not picking him up or not taking him home with you either way.
Maybe he is actually sorry but that doesn’t excuse what he did. He knew how important this was for you and still thought it would be ok to do it. “Babe it was just a prank I didn’t know how serious it was until after I already did it and you got mad” is a poor excuse of an excuse.
If you let him off the hook this easy, it’s just going to make things more difficult because from what I get from your post is that he’s ok mocking things important to you, then throwing a fit and acting like a spoiled brat when you naturally get upset.
I’m not saying dump the guy but just going “He apologized a bunch after wasting two hours of my time by sitting in my car and said he’ll buy me breakfast tomorrow” will not fix your problem.” DevelopmentOrganic24
14. AITJ For Telling My MIL Her Behavior Embarrasses My Daughter?
“I F25 female have a daughter F8 and 4 younger children, I’m a single mom and have sole custody of all 5 of my kids. My ex-husband wasn’t exactly a good guy in our relationship and father to our kids so he can only see them supervised.
I arrange for the kids to go to their grandparents’ home every other weekend. But recently my eldest who is my 8-year-old hasn’t been wanting to go to her grandparents’ house. The reason she told me she hates going is because her grandma embarrasses her in public and is obnoxious.
My ex-mother-in-law is very passionate about the political party she supports and often wears shirts that attract attention and it causes public arguments. Then she also at retail stores or restaurants you name it is very rude to staff and makes their jobs hard. This makes my daughter very embarrassed, she simply doesn’t want to be around her because of these reasons.
My MIL then asked me why my daughter never wanted to come over it’s been 2 months, I wasn’t around the bush and I was straight up honest and said she doesn’t like being around you because she is embarrassed of her. She hung up on me and my father-in-law called me and told me I made her cry and to apologize and that was a jerk move on my end.
So I’m now asking am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your MIL is inviting conflict in regards to the shirts which would not be nice for your daughter to be around, as well as setting a bad example for your daughter in how she treats retail staff.
Although if you haven’t already, make sure you explain in full the reasons why, there’s nothing wrong with your MIL wanting to wear her political shirts but she needs to do it when she doesn’t have her granddaughter with her and she needs to mind her manners when out and about with her as well.
If she’s not willing to do this then she’ll have to deal with not seeing your daughter.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Unless your in-laws have visitation rights, your kids don’t have to visit them if they don’t want to. And while you can ask your ex-mil not to wear her political tees when out with the kids, you’re never going to stop her from being rude to the wait staff — people like that are seldom aware that they’re even being rude.
So I think NTJ, but since I don’t know the tone of your conversation, you might have been unnecessarily cruel or obnoxious in your delivery. Instead of stating “DD is embarrassed and humiliated every time she goes out with you” it might be better to give some concrete examples (“when you screamed at the waiter for forgetting to bring ketchup, when it was on the table all along; and then got into a conflict because someone objected to the obscenity on your tee shirt, DD got very upset”).” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, this is a lesson about choosing how and when to assert political beliefs – when I came out I started wearing huge hoop earrings (I’m a dude), several pink triangles, and other political buttons, and was very in-your-face if I perceived bias or overheard kids using offensive language.
I’m a big guy and I wasn’t afraid of many people. At a certain point, a female friend made me aware I was putting her in dangerous situations by my confrontational behavior, and I had to learn that my political expression had an impact on the people around me.
Your MiL has a right to her political and personal beliefs, but at the point, they create conflict around your kids when they’re out with their grandparents that’s a parenting concern. It sounds like your MiL thinks your kids should be willing to suffer for her beliefs, which shouldn’t be the case for young kids.” RainbowCrane
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Facetime Me Or My Kids Again After She Ignored My Boundaries?
“This started the day before Mother’s Day. My mother was out of state visiting family. My husband was out of the country for work. I was at home with my three kids alone for two weeks. I was super sick, tired, and overwhelmed trying to manage things alone (multiple doctor appointments, car in the auto body shop, school meetings, basic housework, etc) all while starting a new med for a thyroid issue that was throwing me out of whack as it was.
In a word, I was done.
So, my mom FaceTimed me to chat about nothing while at the aforementioned family’s house. Now, this is unique behavior for when she’s at this particular house, I think she likes to show off her kid/grandkids a bit.
And sure. That’s fine. The thing is I don’t know this family well and I’m extremely introverted. In the past, I have had to tell her that if she FaceTimes me she CANNOT just pass the phone off to these other relatives.
FaceTiming is vulnerable to me in a way. It’s like giving a peak of my house and me (especially when I’m not prepared/looking like a mess) to a stranger. It’s rude. Especially at this moment, after being sick and having no help with keeping the house running, I was a MESS (physically, internally, in appearance) and my house definitely reflected this.
So, I’m sure you can guess what happens next. She asked to speak to my oldest (9 years old) and I handed the phone to him, trusting her to remember our multiple conversations about my boundaries. So, of course, she starts handing the phone off to everyone she’s with completely taking advantage of the fact that my kid doesn’t know better because he’s a KID.
And because I’m so sick and distracted I didn’t realize what was happening until much later and after my kid practically gave a house tour with me and all my shame in the background. Somehow I got my kid off the phone with this random relative as tactically as possible and was just fuming.
I felt completely violated.
I ended up sending this text a short time later: “Please don’t FaceTime me/kids again. It’s obvious you don’t respect my boundaries because this has been a continual issue.”
I did not receive any response and when the kids and I tried to call the next day for Mother’s Day she didn’t answer.
And here we are two weeks later and I have not heard from her, not once. We usually talk every few days. I even sent a picture of my daughter with her new glasses, knowing she would want to see and got nothing. I know she’s back home and fine, as I’ve seen social media posts from her.
I know she probably feels embarrassed that I basically had my son hang up abruptly on the family. And yeah, my text to her was harsh. But to cut me off completely? Am I the jerk for getting upset and/or for the way I handled it?
Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“What exactly would you apologize for? For asking your mom to respect a boundary and holding her accountable? For reaching out even though she’s childishly ignoring you? Let her cool off, and maybe have a heart-to-heart conversation when you both aren’t upset.
Sometimes talking about boundaries when everyone is calm works. Hopefully, in this case too!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here because you two need to have a serious talk. Should she stop FaceTiming at that home? Sure. And that’s the ideal. But we have to set boundaries and behave as if other people will not change.
Knowing your mother will call you from places that make you uncomfortable, only accept FaceTime calls when you feel comfortable. Make rules that your kids can only FaceTime with you in the room, or have a certain FaceTime spot. Taking FaceTimes from the couch where all the other person can see is the wall is an option.
As is turning off your own camera. As for why this makes you uncomfortable, that’s for you to say. Your mom may be showing off, but there’s also the possibility that no one there judges you the way you judge yourself. Internet strangers don’t have enough information to gauge whether people are actually trying to put you down or if you are applying unrealistic expectations of yourself.
My guess is a bit of both. Did your mother teach you that homes (and wives) must look a certain way? I don’t blame you for having boundaries. I do blame your mother for not respecting them. I judge you as a jerk for your text and then going on like nothing has changed. Your text needed a longer follow-up and further resolution.
You can’t be surprised when you ask for space and then receive it.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk because if you were not feeling well and didn’t want to be on FaceTime; you simply could have declined the FaceTime call. That could have been followed up with a text that said you weren’t feeling well and needed to rest. If you know your mother likes showing off in such a manner and you do not like it.
A boundary could have been to have your children call her themselves rather than FaceTimed with her. The test message was harsh and she had every right to respond in the manner that she did. Her feelings are probably hurt, you were rude to her.
Who are you to determine that she can’t cut contact with you until she feels up to it? Her feelings are valid. This entire situation could have been handled much better.” Large-Juice-3497
12. AITJ For Refusing To Watch A Religious Video From A Guy I Like?
“This guy (I like) sent me (atheist) a video of his favorite religious talk, I tried a bit, then told him I’m not going to finish it. He asked why and I told him it’s boring, he kept insisting even though I kept saying no (~5 times).
After that he was like, it’s just 20 minutes, I got frustrated and said, “it’s 20 minutes of my life that I will never get back.”
He got upset at me, told me how important religion stuff is to him and stuff.
I apologized, but he still seemed upset so I apologized more.
He said it’s just “you being you” (what does that mean).
I don’t know, he said it’s ok, I feel bad and kinda feel like I shouldn’t be the only one apologizing since he kinda tried to force me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be respectful of HIS choice to practice religion.
And he should be respectful of your choice not to. What he’s doing is trying to convince you that your choice is wrong. Sending you info to try to change your views. You’re (I assume) an adult, you have heard it all before, you have made an informed choice and he needs to respect that.
You lost some footing with him when you said “It’s boring,” though. Now he’ll be looking for ways to still get his point across to you but in a more entertaining way. Next time just tell him, “I respect your beliefs but I have my own, and ask that you respect them.
Please don’t send me any more religious material, I’m not interested in being converted.”” SnooGiraffes3591
Another User Comments:
“For the record, I identify as Christian. NTJ – Someone who likes you should be able to take “no” for an answer and not get offended. The topic shouldn’t matter either.
They should wait for you to show some kind of interest before foisting anything on you. It doesn’t matter if they’re really into religion, anime, or trains. Sharing your passions is fine but if they’re not interested — you should move on. Something from my own life: Churches frequently run these summer camps which they encourage their parishioners to invite their friends to enroll their kids in.
I find that pretty unacceptable since the church markets it as a fun summer camp but the reality is it’s A LOT of religious education. The church shouldn’t obfuscate that and people shouldn’t be deceived or inveigled to participate.” NobodyEspeciallyCool
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is who he is.
Not all religious people are like this, and I find the ones that aren’t to be absolutely wonderful people. But the ones that are, will push, and push. They are under the impression that you didn’t have enough exposure, the right kind of exposure, or the right motivation to follow their religion, and somehow want to fix it.
So this isn’t the last time it will come up. I’m agnostic. I had similar experiences throughout my whole life. One of the guys I liked and had asked me out was arguing with a friend of mine about what she believed. When he turned to me expecting me to back him up that his religion was the only one, and what she described as her faith was completely bananas, my response is “everyone has a right to their beliefs”.
It was then that he realized we wouldn’t be compatible and he rescinded his invite out on a date. I think I lucked out, but it was that experience that made me more aware of the religious zealots’ bigotry around me.
My MIL didn’t want me to marry her son because I wasn’t Christian, she’s called my kids’ heathens (even though they are both kinder to people than she is), tried to manipulate me personally with tears into teaching them the bible…I’ve had a friend stop being a friend because I declined multiple invites to her church functions, she lied about why, but it was after the 3rd invite that she told me she didn’t want to be friends with me, and forced her daughter not to be friends with my daughter.
So, now that you have this knowledge, that there are zealots out there trying to convert you, you may see it more. But you’ll also appreciate the people who don’t care that you share their religion because you share something else that’s just as important to them.” elvaholt
11. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother And Dad's Sexist Jokes At Dinner?
“I (24f) just had a pre-Mother’s Day dinner with my parents, my brother (28m), his wife and their newborn baby girl.
During dinner, we were joking and my dad said a really raunchy joke and the two of them laughed. Now usually we are a family who loves to make That’s What She/He Said jokes, but one joke took it too far and he and my brother kept going with it.
My sister-in-law warned my brother to remember that he has a daughter and how would he feel if someone told her that. My brother brushed it off with “the world is getting bad she needs to get used to it.”
After a few minutes, I spoke up (nicely and calmly I am a teacher so I know how to watch my tone).
I told them that just as we all don’t like racist comments and treatment thrown our way (we are non-white living in a white-majority state), we women do not like those kinds of comments. As men who have sisters and daughters, they need to understand the importance of knowing where the line is.
It all starts with a joke that becomes normalized and then soon goes down a dark road. My point wasn’t so much about the joke itself but the way my brother dismissed my sister-in-law about saying those kinds of things.
My dad became angry and frustrated. My brother told me that I could not tell him how to raise his daughter and that what they were saying had nothing to do with men and women, if I’m offended tough luck and that two men could say whatever they want to each other.
I stopped the conversation there as our food had arrived. My mom and dad after dinner told me I shouldn’t have brought it up. The reason I didn’t wait until after dinner was because in the past when I have waited I was told to speak up before and that now it didn’t matter.
I wasn’t trying to tell my brother how to raise his daughter but telling him about making women feel uncomfortable. I could be the jerk because I did speak up in the middle of dinner and my mom says I shouldn’t nitpick what they say.
We also do like to joke with the That’s What She/He Said because of the office so I could be a hypocrite but I think their jokes went super past that so I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone present doesn’t find the joke funny, it isn’t funny.
Your brother and father are jerks for dismissing your sister-in-law’s concern. Had you not spoken up you would have been a jerk for being the silent bystander when something wrong was happening.” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your brother and father definitely are.
There is a line, and they crossed it. Quite frankly, I hope your SIL seriously reconsiders raising her daughter around the guy, because “life sucks so get used to it” isn’t a great mentality to raise a kid around. Yeah, life sucks, but that doesn’t give him the excuse to be a sexist pig, either.
You do not owe him patience, nor do you owe him kindness, but it sounds like you showed him both. I applaud you for speaking up, and I applaud you for standing up for yourself, your mother, your SIL, and your niece – even if your mother has been taught to accept that nonsense and doesn’t appreciate it.
Your mother and father should feel uncomfortable because they raised a son who thinks that degrading women is okay and a daughter who refused to be complacent or complicit. They should be uncomfortable because you refused to let them get away with it. Be proud of the strength you showed, and be confident in your decision to not let them get away with it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What they exactly said is what little kids parrot off in classrooms & the toxic nonsense continues. You’re 110% right as these toxic jokes are what create problems at school & high school. Right now in my 15-year-old’s year level, there is homophobic gossip about one kid with some trying to exclude the kid WHICH is really horrible not only is it bullying the kid but it’s also making it unsafe for LGBTQ kids – darn straight I told the school it’s unacceptable & needs to be shut down!
This horrid behavior is learned behavior from adults/parents making jokes or projecting hate.” Purple-Valuable-5245
10. AITJ For Kicking My Son Out Of The Car After He Revealed His Father's Imprisonment To His Sister?
“My (37) husband (38) is currently in prison. Things have been really hard for our family since he went away two years ago (three years left on his sentence). My son (16) is aware of what’s going on, but my daughter (10) is not. She thinks he’s working in another state.
Yesterday, my son and I got into an argument while driving home. I told him that I had a lot going on right now and needed his understanding. With his sister in the backseat, he shouted “it’s not my fault your husband went to prison!” My daughter heard and started crying.
I was devastated that she found out like that. I pulled over and screamed for him to get out of the car. He refused, so I reached over and opened his door, and made him get out. I drove away so I could comfort my daughter and explain things to her without being distracted by him trying to get back in the car.
Once she was calm, I drove back to where he was and picked him up. He didn’t even apologize to me or his sister. Once we got home, he went to his room. I was talking to my mother about what happened, and she said I’m the jerk for driving off without telling him I would be back, which must have been scary.
I think a little fear can be a good lesson, but maybe I went too far. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You abandoned a minor at the side of the road. It doesn’t matter if you “meant” to come back, he didn’t know that. He easily could have left the area you left him and not returned home.
You said fear can be a good lesson. That’s a toxic and honestly gross mindset. Your children should NEVER be afraid of you, especially not of you abandoning them. You need to go to him and apologize, and say that what you did wasn’t right.
Don’t deflect your blame on what he said/did, don’t act like he knew you’d come back for him all along, don’t make excuses for your action.” alienkinavatar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m hoping this isn’t real. This is all ‘me’ ‘my feelings’ ‘my daughter’s feelings’.
What about your son?! He’s going through a lot too. All you’re telling him is that his feelings don’t matter because you’re stressed. He’s right, that’s not his problem. He doesn’t owe you an apology; you owe him one. That was a vicious thing to do to a 16-year-old kid.
You’re the parent. Buck up and act like one.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for multiple reasons. Firstly, you’re wrong for lying to a 10-year-old about why her father is gone. This is the exact reason why. Where her father is is common enough knowledge within your circle that her finding out like this was always a probability.
You should have told her before now and you wouldn’t have been in this position. And yes you’re also wrong for forcing your 16-year-old child out of the car. Whether you intended to go back for him or not, that’s a ridiculously vindictive and childish way to handle the situation.
Particularly when you’re the adult, you’re the one who holds all the power in this relationship and that interaction. If you can’t find a better way to convey your point without putting your child in harm’s way, wtf is the point of you?
You’re also wrong for assuming he needed to apologize to his sister. You needed to apologize for lying to her for years. All he did was tell the truth. We don’t apologize for telling the truth because it’s not wrong. And using fear as a parenting technique is child abuse.
All in all, you’re 100% wrong on everything and a bad parent to boot. Congrats.” adrian-alex85
9. AITJ For Letting My Fiancé Confront His Family About Overwhelming Wedding Planning?
“I’ve been planning my wedding with the help of my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law. The entire thing has been super overwhelming for me because their family has so many requirements and expectations that I have to follow/meet. They also hired a wedding planner who seems to value their opinion more than mine.
I love both my future MIL and SIL, and I know they aren’t doing any of this to upset me but because they want to help, which is why I found it hard to say something to them. It got too much for me, though, and when my fiancé asked me if I was okay, I just burst into tears and told him what was going on.
The next appointment we had with the wedding planner he used the excuse that he wanted to speak to his dad to be there too (the appointment was at my MIL’s home). The appointment was pretty tense since he didn’t like that she was trying to get his/his family’s approval over mine and unlike me, he didn’t have any issue calling her out, repeatedly.
After she left his mother scolded him for being rude which is when he called them out for upsetting me and overtaking the wedding planning. They were very apologetic but were upset with me for not speaking to them directly instead of having my fiancé call them out the way he did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You were outnumbered and outgunned – being direct would’ve been nearly impossible even if it was the “right answer”. NTJ. It’s worth apologizing and saying that you felt overwhelmed and would be more direct given another chance, but clearly, they ran away with things and should have been constantly taking the bride’s pulse.
NTJ – for the sake of the relationship it may be worth apologizing for the approach, but not the intent. Best wishes for your wedding!!” 4cougs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please rest assured that it is both common and perfectly acceptable to have the rule that each spouse is responsible for “managing” their family of origin.
There are often too many unspoken expectations, too much history, and too many hidden land mines for you to feel comfortable addressing his family (or for him to address yours) about anything at all contentious. And up until the moment your future MIL scolded your fiancé, I would have said No jerks here.
But the very fact that she scolded him for doing what she claims she wanted you to do means that she really wanted to be allowed to design the wedding as she saw fit. That being said, it’s probably smart for you to gently voice your objections going forward.
Don’t keep it bottled up inside, and if they don’t respond well to the fact that you have different opinions than they do, let your fiancé know sooner. (By the way, he seems like quite a catch. I too often read stories where the fiancé takes the mother’s side, or leaves his fiancée alone, totally at the mercy of his family.)” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think that they can be jerks since they didn’t know anything was wrong to begin with, it might have not been obvious to them, and I do get that they feel bad because you didn’t even try to talk to them about that.
Your fiance is super sweet and even if you didn’t ask him to he stepped up for you which is sweet. And you just broke down which is totally fine, you did nothing wrong but you can’t expect things to get better if you don’t take steps to fix things.
Talk to your in-laws about what happened so as to keep the peace and clarify everything. Lastly, your wedding planner is AWFUL, it’s your and your fiance’s day both of your opinions are the ones that matter, he is the only jerk I see here.” pau48
8. AITJ For Wanting My Carpool Friend To Share Driving Responsibilities?
“I went to college about 40 minutes away from home, and my friend went to a different college near mine, but a good 15 minutes out of the way.
We decided to carpool to save money on gas. I drove the first few times so I had to drop her off at her school, adding 15 minutes (both ways) onto my drive so having to leave a half hour earlier.
After a while, I asked if she would drive one day.
She said she didn’t want to and she liked how we were doing it. I said that it’s not carpooling if only one person benefits from it, and I said either she could pitch in for gas or she could take a turn picking me up.
She said “Why would I go out of my way to drive all the way to your house in the morning.” (5 mins from her house)
….. yeah.
So I said that I was feeling used and that I wanted her to take turns. Nothing I could say was enough to convince her to understand my side.
In the end, she said she didn’t want to ride with me anymore because she didn’t feel safe with my driving. See how she made it about her?”
Another User Comments:
“Ooooh that would drive me insane. I would want to pull out a map, draw YOUR trip to go get her every day, and then draw what HER trip would be to come get you.
Then ask ‘so given how you feel about coming to get me, and how it’s out of the way, what do you think ‘I’ feel about coming to get YOU every day’? Can you explain to me how this is an equitable solution for both of us and why should I continue doing this?” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you are paying for more fuel than you were and she’s paying nothing? Can you check around college to see if there’s someone in your area who wants to carpool fairly? Don’t drive her anywhere without getting something towards fuel.” Royal_Case_4776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s absolutely using you. Similar happened to me in my first year at uni. I had to travel 4 days a week for classes, and another girl in my town didn’t have her license so we arranged to carpool. She refused to pay more than $15 a week in petrol when it was costing me at least $50.
And it meant I had to leave at 8 am every day to get there for her 9 am classes. Mine started at 10 am. And most days I had to wait for her to finish. One day I had an appointment and she didn’t come out of class at the normal time.
I ended up waiting over an hour for her and missed my appointment. She wasn’t apologetic at all and I was angry. I went off, I was sick of sitting around waiting for her all the time. She ended up saying something similar, she didn’t need a lift from me anymore as she had found someone that ‘fit with her schedule better and she felt more comfortable in the car with them.'” jeslz
7. AITJ For Letting My Partner Tan At My Sister's Pool During A Visit?
“My sister’s 35, I’m 26, and despite the age difference we are close, and we live near each other, which is cool because then I get to hang out with my nephew who’s 12 and that’s awesome too. Last weekend, I brought my new partner, “Peyton” of just a few months over to my sister’s place, I asked beforehand if it was fine, and my sister said it was, thinking it’d be a great way to meet ” Peyton”.
When I mentioned to “Peyton” that my sister’s place had a pool she was like “Ok, cool, I can lay out, tan, hang out” which sounded fine to me.
On Meet Day, “Peyton” puts on her swimsuit, but has like a crop top & shorts on over it.
After we get over there and everyone gets up to the pool area, she takes the top & the shorts off because she’s going to tan. My sister pulls me off to the side and asks me what “Peyton” thinks she’s doing. My sister freaks out and gives me this whole “She’s been here 5 minutes and she’s already stripped down.” What she was mainly worried about was her son being “exposed to all of that.” My point to her was, we can go to any city pool in the country and he’d see women in bathing suits.
She claimed I was playing dumb for not realizing what she was getting at.
Since my nephew has no relationship with his actual dad, I’ve become the de facto role model and my sister feels that I’m sending a horrible message by seeing, as my sister put it, “a girl who just put her stuff out.” I told her she was being uptight and that just because he’s a boy that doesn’t mean he’s going to ogle her all day.
My sister disagreed, said I was being a jerk for labeling her concerns as uptight, and went ahead and asked “Peyton” to put her shirt back on, which she did. Made the day awkward, and ended the night with “Peyton” privately asking me if she’d done something wrong, I said no.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Light ESH because it seems like there wasn’t a clear understanding of what the plan was. If I were to meet my SO’s family for the first time, I don’t know that I’d immediately jump to “oh, great, I can get a tan!” Like, was the plan to chill around the pool for pool party fun or just hang out at sis’s house and you were in the backyard on a nice day?
So I just find that a bit overly familiar and it has less to do with Peyton being in a swimsuit than it does with Peyton treating the place as a resort, if that makes sense. Your sister is the biggest jerk here for perpetuating the idea that women need to hide their bodies from vulnerable boys rather than teaching her son not to objectify women.
And no offense to your sister’s intelligence but I have a strong suspicion that her son was not conceived because she wore a swimsuit at the wrong time.” AdministrationThis77
Another User Comments:
“I am going to go with YTJ (along with your SO). It is a far different scenario to be one among hundreds of people all wearing the same thing (swimwear) at a beach compared to just one single person stripping down when everyone else is in regular dress.
You and your SO were incredibly rude (to me at least) for assuming it would be fine using the pool. You didn’t ask, nor did the SO, whether it was okay for Peyton to tan. Instead, she just stripped down and started to do so, when this was meant to be a ‘greet the family’ type situation.
To me, this has nothing really to do with the swimwear at all. This is like the man who brought his SO to a D&D session and came hours early so they could use the pool. Without asking. Your SO had no plans on actually meeting your sister, but rather just using the pool (or so it seems).
From the last, it seems like maybe Peyton might not have been the one truly at fault, though she should have ‘read the room’ and realized no one else seemingly had plans to swim or lie out. It seems like it is probably mostly on you.” DiegoIntrepid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and sheltering her son/expecting ALL WOMEN not to wear something at least PARTIALLY revealing is insane. I guess she still hasn’t explained to her son anything about periods/tampons and expects all female guests in her house to put all tampons/bleeding TP in plastic bags and hide them from him.
You called her “uptight.” She did MASSIVELY more than you, and you were being truthful while she was exaggerating.” usernamesarestewpid
6. AITJ For Considering Uninviting My Brother From My Wedding After He Threw Out My Stuff?
“Recently my (29F) grandmother passed away. She was the primary guardian of my cousin (14F). Now my cousin is going to live with my mum and dad in our family home. She’s going to move into my old bedroom which still had some of my stuff in.
Over the last few weeks, the two of us have been clearing things out and deciding what she’d like to keep.
I’ve come home this weekend to find my brother (34M) has thrown out everything. Stuff that was actually my cousin’s or stuff she’d asked to keep.
I text him to say “please don’t touch mine or cousin’s stuff, I’m already working through it with her. It’s not your room to deal with” which, all things considered, I thought was a very calm response on my end. He replied to say “don’t slow this process down, it needs to be made ready, I will go in and sort things as needed”.
To reiterate, he’s gone into my childhood bedroom, moved not just my stuff but my cousin’s too, and when I asked him to respect basic boundaries (it is not his property in any way), he has doubled down.
I have yet to respond but I’m getting married in a few months and I’m seriously reconsidering having him at the wedding.
WIBTJ to uninvite him?”
Another User Comments:
“So your brother (not the child’s father, correct?) is getting involved in something that doesn’t concern him and has the audacity to tell you to butt out when he is throwing YOUR stuff away without permission?? 1 – does he live there?
2 – why are your parents allowing this? Not his child, not his room. It is not his child and not his stuff. He has no right to interfere in any way. NTJ. Your brother is and definitely doesn’t deserve an invite if he is going to be this obnoxious when you asked him – politely – to not touch your stuff.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. hear me out: your brother is 100% the jerk in this case and you handled it well. You would be the jerk to turn this into wedding drama. Deal with this issue head-on. I agree your parents need to tell him that you 4 have this (you, cousin, and parents) and he has no role to play in readying her room.
I’m sure there are other aspects of the new family dynamic where his help would be useful. Ask your parents to redirect his energy there. But don’t use your wedding as a battleground. It will only make needless wedding drama for you on your special day.” TresWhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding your choice completely and if this is how you feel you wouldn’t be a jerk for it. Your brother is definitely the jerk, but do you really not want your brother at your wedding over this? What your brother has done is awful and your poor cousin has gone through so much already there wasn’t any need for this whatsoever, have a really good think though, it’s a big decision, you might regret it when looking back at the photos and stuff in a few years.
Talk to your parents about it. I’m hoping they’ll see the fairest way would be to stay out of this and let you decide if that’s their usual way but with something this big they may not and it might cause bad feeling at your wedding.” Remarkable_Elmo23
5. AITJ For Not Standing For The Pledge Due To My Undiagnosed Nerve Condition?
“I’m a very reserved and quiet student who doesn’t like my business to be spread around and only talks when spoken to. I’m currently in the process of getting diagnosed with a nerve damage diagnosis (doctors are juggling between MS and peripheral neuropathy). The pain from this condition can lead to me not being able to walk for 10-15 minutes or hours.
If I had to explain it, it would be the tingling sensation you feel when your leg falls asleep but 10 times worse while it’s burning. This also happens with my arm in the inside of my elbow but it doesn’t happen as much as my legs do.
I also use a medically certified cane out of school because of how bad it can get.
Now my first hour in my schedule is in the science building which is on the other side of campus where I get dropped off at, which is very painful for me since I normally have to walk very far and sometimes run to the building.
By the time I get there my leg is “out” as I like to word it and I’m in excruciating pain which feels like it’s getting ripped off by a chainsaw almost to word it lightly.
The tables in the building aren’t those 1 seater desks either, it’s these long tall wooden tables with stools that have seen better days with no backing on them for me to lean on.
Now the only reason I’m asking this is because when the announcements come on good days where it’s easily manageable I simply just turn around in my stool and look at the flag, but a classmate of mine, we’ll call him Jay, had taken to loudly stating “please STAND for the pledge”.
Now normally this hasn’t bothered me seeing as it was only 1 person doing it but even my science teacher has been edging Jay and some of his friends on by saying “what was that?” while smiling and laughing a little. This has led to almost the entire class doing it.
Now I know I could lean against my stool while standing but I’m genuinely scared of toppling over because of how unstable those stools are and not being able to get up afterwards.
This has been going on for almost this entire school year and I’ve been given mixed results from friends on this matter.
So, am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The Supreme Court said in West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette that making a student stand up for the pledge “constituted compelled speech,” and it also was a breach of the First Amendment.
Now this isn’t a freedom of speech problem, but legally, you are not forced to stand for the pledge. Given that you have a disability, that also helps your case. I hope you figure out what is wrong with you, and I hope you get better as well!” splbm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree please report the teacher if you can also for egging this on- who knows how many other students are also being made to feel uncomfortable. As a teacher, they should be trying to quiet that student down, not encourage it.
I left high school over a decade ago and NEVER stood for the pledge throughout my whole schooling. It’s not required for anyone to stand for it- no matter what. Especially not if you PHYSICALLY CANNOT. It’s well beyond time for the pledge to be something said every day in school to be retired.” akanina-de-la-lune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This needs to be reported IMMEDIATELY!!! First of all, as someone with a disability, forcing you to stand and berating you for not doing so violates ADA law. Secondly, In 1943, the Supreme Court ruled in West Virginia State Board of Education v.
Barnette that “the Free Speech clause of the First Amendment prohibits public schools from forcing students to salute the American flag and say the Pledge of Allegiance.” Massachusetts had its Supreme Judicial Court clarify the matter. In its 2014 decision in Doe v. Acton-Boxborough Regional School District, the court said students could not be compelled to recite the pledge.
“It is undisputed, as a matter of Federal constitutional law and as a matter of fact on the summary judgment record before us, that no student is required to recite the pledge,” said Chief Justice Roderick Ireland.” TattooedWenchkin
4. AITJ For Wanting My Lent Baby Stroller Back To Sell It?
“I had purchased a very expensive stroller system when I had my baby (all the bells and whistles with car seats, toddler seat…etc..). After I finished using it I lent it to my friend to use with her baby with the only caveat being to return it when she was done with it so I could sell it and try to recoup some money.
Now her kid is about 4 and I texted to ask her if she was done with it so I could get it back and sell it. She responded she’s not done with it because she uses it for her niece when her sister (who lives across the country) visits.
Her sister visits maybe twice a year.
Am I the jerk for thinking that’s rude of her to keep for that reason? My reasoning is I want it back before it’s too old and obsolete and I can’t make as much money off it when I resell it.
It’s already 5 years old and not getting any younger….”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t gift it to her, you only lent it to her. She should have the common sense to return it to you once she has finished using it. I have a feeling that she might have already sold it off, which is why she is making excuses to stall you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should have sold it straight after you finished using it to recoup the cost. Lending it to a friend it was likely to get a lot of soiling on the fabric from food and drink, lots of dents and scuff marks, wear of the brake and wheels, etc. It didn’t really make any financial sense to lend it out, and then ask for it back a long time later.
You must have known that the chances of friends or family returning anything borrowed are next to nil.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Since this is so minor I’m going to go with no jerks here: I think you might be mulling this over too much, and wondering if you’re the jerk or if your friend is the jerk is doing a disservice to both of you.
You lent her the stroller to use. She told you she still uses it. Okay! But, you would still like it back. That’s okay too! She has a reason for still wanting it, but it’s not a strong enough reason to supersede your reason for wanting it back.” ginsengtea3
3. AITJ For Lying To My Therapist To Confirm If She's Sharing My Info With My Husband?
“I started seeing a therapist 6 months ago because I had postpartum depression.
At first, she really helped me but then I noticed on two occasions my husband mentioned things I hadn’t told him but I had confided in my therapist.
Since I had no proof and I didn’t want to accuse either of them, I decided to tell my therapist lies that I knew he would confront me on if he heard them to see if I was being delusional or not.
The more I lied to her, the more suspicious I became too since even things that made my husband look awful, were challenged by her and twisted to make him look good.
It took a while for him to confront me but he did. At first, he never believed I was lying during those sessions but when I finally convinced him I was, he was still furious at me.
He said he only wanted to make sure I was okay and that he hadn’t been using the therapist to spy on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Social Worker here. Your therapist is violating your privacy, unless you signed a release allowing your therapist to speak with your husband without limitations.
If you are in the US, contact the therapist’s state licensing board as well as the governing body for the profession (for Social Workers it is NASW, for Psychologists it is the APA). The therapist SHOULD lose their license, and you may be able to earn compensatory damages as well” lilivader76
Another User Comments:
“REPORT THAT THERAPIST. What she did was deeply unethical and unprofessional. She is endangering her patients. Report her and find a new therapist. Never see her again. The fact that your husband has the audacity to be angry with you when he’s been basically stealing your private thoughts from your therapist is darn rich.
I can’t imagine having that kind of gall. He must be like a lion tamer or a superhero. His courage must be the size of two planets hanging between his legs. The sheer brazenness of his anger is staggering. No, sweetheart, you’re NTJ. But your husband certainly is and the fact that you’re here asking if you’re the one in the wrong worries me about the overall dynamic of your relationship.
I hope I’m being overly cautious, but just in case, take a quiz to assess whether or not your relationship is healthy. If it’s healthy and this was just a one-off for him, awesome! But if it’s not, that’s good to be aware of so that you can properly address it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Telling obvious lies and waiting to see what comes back to you is a time-tested method for finding leaks and spies. Unless you explicitly give your doctors permission to discuss details of your treatment with someone (or meet a few other extreme conditions), they cannot discuss that kind of thing with other people.
Your husband should not be hearing about your appointments without your consent. Additionally, it’s highly suspicious that the therapist is defending him no matter what you tell her. That kind of thing can happen in marriage counseling when one person in the marriage is an abuser, but to have it happen when he’s not getting therapy and isn’t there is not normal. INFO: Have you ever suspected him of two-timing?
Is he friends with the therapist? How did you get in contact with this therapist to start being seen for PPD? Where do you receive therapy (your home, the therapist’s home, a clinic, etc) and is it in person, online, over the phone, etc? Did you sign any paperwork when you started seeing the therapist that had something to do with privacy, or that had your husband named as someone who can access your information?” J-Jupiter
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Stepsisters For Complaining About A Sentimental Baby Shower Gift?
“I had my baby shower Saturday. It was a co-ed shower so we had everyone there who mattered and wanted to celebrate with us.
During the gift opening, which we did relatively early on, I opened a gift from my paternal grandparents. Granny had made a gorgeous blanket for the baby and my maternal grandma had given Granny a little something to add to it, as a symbol of the fact both sides loved us.
My stepsisters, who are my mom’s stepdaughters from her marriage to her husband, kicked off about one stepsister not getting anything that sentimental when she was expecting her first. She yelled at Grandma but she also yelled at my granny, who is not related to her in any way.
Their dad stepped in and started saying that favoritism was disgusting and how my granny (again no way related to them) never did a darn thing for his girls. Mom tried to calm them down but ultimately failed and I told them they needed to leave.
My FIL and BIL stepped in and escorted them out.
They are upset. My mom felt so bad. She stayed and got a hard time for staying afterward. I was told I was wrong to make them leave and should have stuck up for them and the unfairness of it all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t favoritism. Your grandmothers gave you something for their great-grandchild. They are not related to your stepsisters. Your maternal grandmother might be bound through your mother’s marriage to your stepsisters, it doesn’t create an obligation to make something for them.
Especially if there is no relationship between them. Your stepfather and stepsisters need to get their heads out of the clouds. They are not entitled simply because their father married your mother. Turn the tables around. Has your stepfather bought them anything and something less valuable for you?
Favoritism!! See how they react and throw it in their face.” nerothic
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your step-family are raging narcissist jerks. And flying monkeys flew! I’m glad FIL and BIL stepped up. They should never have said anything let alone made anything about them at the shower!
If they wanted something they could’ve asked, not demanded something so precious from people that they aren’t even related to. Shame on them! You dear heart are NTJ, but they were the biggest!” OldHatefulsDawta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not unfair at all.
They were unfair for kicking up a fuss and ruining your party because one person they’re related to chose to pool their money with someone else they aren’t related to, to get you a nice thing. Spoiler: the person who isn’t related to them has absolutely no obligation to buy them any gifts at all, and yes that’s favoritism, but it is absolutely acceptable favoritism.
Why wouldn’t your grandmother favor you over a complete stranger who isn’t related to her?!” Normal-Height-8577
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Our Vacation Location With A Stranger?
“I (24F) and my friend group (20F, 21M, 25M, 27M) are planning a vacation to Europe for two weeks. My 25-year-old friend Kevin has this older friend Rick (43M) who basically invited himself.
The issue is that we don’t know this guy at all. Initially, he wanted Kevin to stay with him instead of at our Airbnb, but Kevin insisted on staying with us.
Eventually, Rick reluctantly agreed to stay at our Airbnb. Here’s the second problem: while talking to Rick, we noticed that he doesn’t take no for an answer. We all felt uncomfortable with him staying at our Airbnb. After a lot of back and forth, he agreed to get his own place, but he insisted on knowing our location “because he has anxiety.” At this point, nobody is comfortable with this guy, so we flat out told him that he is a stranger to us and we aren’t comfortable with him knowing where we will be staying.
He responded that he isn’t willing to put his safety at risk and insisted on knowing the address of our Airbnb.
Are we being unreasonable for having this boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s important for you to tell Kevin that you don’t want his older friend on your vacation.
At all. Not when you go out for dinner. Not for activities. The notion that he needs your address due to his anxiety is manipulative nonsense. This is a predatory older guy. Frankly, if you wanted to change to location of the vacation and not tell Kevin where you’ll be, that would be sensible.
Kevin is the one who brought this guy into the mix. Anyone in their right mind can see the red flags waving in the breeze. Don’t go on the same vacation. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Rick may be socially inept for any one of many reasons.
I’ve known a few folks like him in my time as a social service worker. They live in a little world in their head where casual acquaintances are their “friends” and strongly resist efforts to rein them into reality. Since many people are too kind to be blunt, they just don’t get it.
Then the “friends” get fed up and either ghost them or are brutal in their rejection. The best way to deal with folks like this is to be very clear as soon as you realize the issue. “Sorry, you can’t join our trip. Kevin was wrong to invite you without the group agreeing.
We have it already planned and you can’t join us.” You also need to be very clear with Kevin. “Your friend Rick makes us uncomfortable. We don’t want him as part of our trip. You were wrong to include him without asking us. You need to fix this by telling him he can’t come.
If you don’t, you will be out too.”” Holiday_Trainer_2657
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you’re all just tip-toeing around a situation that just needs some straight-talking. None of you want this guy along on your vacation so he just shouldn’t be there. This is Kevin’s job if it’s his friend.
If he won’t do that then he shouldn’t come either. If he can’t do that for some reason then you should communicate as a group to Rick that you all do not want him there and that he isn’t invited. Change your plans without sharing them if necessary if you think he might try to tag along.
Under no circumstances should you travel to a place where you are actively trying to avoid someone when you can prevent the situation from occurring in the first place. NTJ for not sharing your location but that’s not the right question. NTJ for refusing to go on vacation with an uninvited tag-along would be a better one.” rhinteractive
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