People Ruffle Some Feathers With These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Not Showing More Sympathy Towards My Ex's Mom's Cancer Diagnosis?
“My ex (B) and I don’t keep in touch and we’re not on good terms, but I’m great friends with his little brother (D). I’m also not on good terms with the rest of the family.
Today, D told me his mom (M) was diagnosed with stage two bladder cancer. My only response was “That really sucks. I’m here for you.” Apparently, my ex saw those texts on the Macbook, and he messaged me calling me “incredibly insensitive” and said “I should feel bad because they were so nice to me.” Side note, they were not.
He also said since I “know what they’re going through I should be a little nicer.”
Backstory to that: both my parents had cancer. My dad still does, my mom passed away in 2021. They both were going through extensive treatment when we were together.
Now to why I don’t feel bad, like at all: when my ex and I were together, my parents and I went to have Thanksgiving with his family. My parents were going through chemo, but even if they weren’t my mom couldn’t really eat much because when she had radiation it shot through her esophagus, giving her radiation burns in her throat that never would heal. They just kind of turned into scar tissue.
The problem lies in the fact that his mom and dad got mad at my parents and told us we were no longer welcome in their house and called me a bunch of foul names when my mom showed up with an Ensure drink and didn’t really eat much.
My dad also didn’t eat much but he had had treatment the day before so he was very sick.
I hate thinking like this but all I can think is “Karma is a jerk.”
So am I the jerk???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex lost his dad and was upset because I wasn’t as supportive as he had been when I lost my dad.
The slight difference being that I lost my dad when we were in a committed and lengthy relationship, whereas he lost his a year after we split up because I found out he’d been seeing a woman twice his age that he worked with. While we were engaged and planning a wedding, I might add.
So no, I can absolutely sympathize with the feeling that it’s tough crap and the ex needs to deal with their own problems.” cari-strat
Another User Comments:
“The hypocrisy is strong in this one! His parents judged your parents for ‘bad manners’, which were actually just side effects of their cancer treatment and they didn’t deserve pity… but his mum now does?
This dude needs to get over himself and pull his head out of the fantasy world’s rear it’s currently deeply embedded in, with his rewriting history and all. Also, how is that message of yours ‘insensitive’? What more could or should you have said or done?
NTJ. Don’t give this jerk any further thought.” DynkoFromTheNorth
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this dude must be the most flexible person known to man. He legit worked out lodging his head up his rear, and putting his foot in his mouth at the same time.
Smh I’m very sorry for your loss, and sending prayers for you and your dad. Just lost my mom to cancer 3 weeks ago.. it is very hard to watch loved ones suffer. NTJ…but I do hope he tears his rear when he finally removes that big head from it.” hmadden00
22. AITJ For Not Wishing My Mother's Partner A Happy Father's Day?
“I’m a 20 soon 21-year-old non-binary lesbian (this is important I swear) and I live with my grandparents and my sister who’s a teen. My mother would let us have our youngest brother who’s also a teen now come over for the summer and stay till I go on my own vacation.
Well this time, he comes over a few days before Father’s Day which is fine. Father’s Day comes around and I had completely forgotten it was Father’s Day and not only that I had two friends who were in the hospital so my priority was on them.
I was worried about them and so I stayed on the phone most of the day with them.
This morning, I woke up to five paragraphs and it was from my mother’s partner who we can call “K”. K messaged me: “Not gonna lie, pretty hurt you guys (meaning me and my brother) didn’t wish me a happy Father’s Day.” Then goes on with another message saying, “That’s fine.
It’s whatever. You guys can celebrate your ‘pride’ then.”
Then another saying, “I guess you should maybe take care and raise your brother then. Turn him gay for all I care.”
And just more things.
I tried to tell him the honest truth and it was that I was busy with my two friends who were in the hospital on Father’s Day, but he quickly disregarded that and is now saying that I’m in the wrong.
I had two friends who were in the hospital, he’s not my actual father nor have I ever seen him as one. He disregards me as who I am both identity, mental disorders, and sexuality and he has done some horrible stuff to me in the past and mistreats my brother.
He accuses me of things too when I have never done them but whenever I defend myself it doesn’t matter and he berates me.
So am I the jerk? I don’t even know. He won’t stop spamming me now and accusing me of things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…He could have just expressed his hurt over you guys not reaching out, but instead chose to be hurtful and attack you. He’s not even YOUR father, how dare he…Where is your mother in all this? No way I’d let someone speak to my kid like this.” _mo_k
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And personally, I find both the parents’ days a Hallmark grab but anyway…they are for people who others have felt somewhat filled that role. I only had the one mother and father but my ex-husband had a bio mother and stepmother and same for the dads.
I always sent cards to all of them because they had actually parented my ex and he saw them that way. I met my SO when his and my kids were well-grown. I do not expect or actually WANT them to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.
And certainly, he didn’t get a Happy Father’s Day from my kids.” Avocadosarecool2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I adore my dad, I couldn’t choose a better one if you asked me to. I didn’t realize it was Father’s Day on Sunday until yesterday. It was working hours for him so I texted him apologizing and wishing him a belated. He said he knows how busy I’ve been and he loves me.
I’m sure he was hurt and bummed that I didn’t reach out on Sunday. He is also Dad and adult enough to know that life happens so accepted my apology. I’m gonna make it up to this weekend as parents, siblings, spouses, and our kids are going on a weekend trip.” JustAnotherOne4You
21. AITJ For Being Upset After Being Splashed And Mocked At A Pool Party?
“I’m a 19F and contextually, I was swimming around with my parents and my parents’ friends. My parents’ friends have a son, who is 24M, who we’ll call Tom.
I had just gotten my hair bleached a few weeks prior and was very proud about having it curled and done, so I made it clear before I got in the water, that I was going to pull it up in a ponytail and stay close to the steps so that everyone else could splash/have the whole pool to themselves, I was just going to be near the edge.
Everyone knew this including Tom.
My mom had mentioned to her friend that I’d gotten my hair done and was actually talking about it when this happened. Before I could really even register what was happening, Tom splashed a whole ton of water at me, completely drenching my face and my hair.
Out of nowhere and for no reason as no one else had been horsing around, just floating and watching a football game.
His mom got a little exasperated with him, telling him that he knew I’d just bleached it and that it could turn green if I wasn’t careful.
He kind of laughed and smirked about it, saying that if it did turn green, I’d “look like one of those LGBTQ+ people”. It completely embarrassed me with what he did and then what he said afterward, as unbeknownst to my parents or anyone else, I am queer.
I admit I was sulking a bit the rest of the night. I didn’t say a word to Tom or to anyone else, but I made it clear what he did made me upset. His mom kept trying to smooth it over, saying “well the tip of your hair was getting wet so you’d have to wash it anyway”.
It didn’t help and later my parents said I shouldn’t have made it so obvious I was upset because it ruined part of the fun. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom knew exactly what he was doing and did it exactly because it would annoy you.
I was surprised rereading this to see that Tom was 24, and he was acting like someone half his age. And then there is his mom – enabling his childish behavior, essentially giving the lame “boys will be boys” speech. And your parents aren’t much better by trying to put the blame on you.
Considering how childish, homophobic, and generally as much of a jerk Tom is, plus the lack of consequences he suffers for his actions, I would not be surprised if he gets arrested for something in the near future.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“I mean I wouldn’t have gone in the water at all but NTJ.
You clearly told everyone you didn’t want to get your hair wet and this man thought it would be funny to do it on purpose just to wind you up. Also, that comment is low-key homophobic, obviously wasn’t there so I don’t what his tone was like or if he has a history but he purposely did something that everyone told him not to because it could ruin your hair so I’m guessing that comment wasn’t meant to be friendly.” shannoouns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And forget Tom – but obviously not literally because he sounds like a dirtbag. And your parents are jerks for getting upset with you for “ruining” their super fun pool time where creepy guys can get away with harassing their offspring.
Not that it makes Tom’s disrespectful behavior and complete disregard for your wishes any less problematic, but just to set your mind at ease: You’ll obviously have to go through the trouble of re-styling your hair, but you don’t have to worry about your hair turning green.
That happens after prolonged exposure to chlorine, not a one-time splash of pool water.
Every summer, I spend hours swimming without a swim cap on. I bleach the heck out of my hair, so it should have the texture of straw and be greener than a patch of Shamrocks in Ireland, but I drown my hair in moisture masks and use anti-chlorine build-up products.
(Malibu C is my personal favorite). And Olaplex is my hair’s best friend. My hair is in surprisingly good condition despite all the salt water, chlorine, and bleach I subject it to. It probably helps that I avoid heat-styling tools. I don’t have the skill or patience to fight my natural waves, so I just let my hair air-dry with a little leave-in conditioner and some anti-frizz serum.
On hot, humid days when nothing can keep the flyaways in check, I put my hair in a messy bun and forget about it. My point is that hair is very forgiving if you know which products work best for your hair type, texture, and condition.
With today’s advanced products, the dry, crispy, crunchy, mall-rat hair of the 80’s is a thing of the past. Tom is an inconsiderate jerk who displayed problematic behavior. Your negative opinion of him is completely justified – but at least you don’t need to worry that his jerkery caused irreparable damage to your hair.” VelveetaMcBoingBoing
20. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Stepmom And Partially Forgiving My Dad?
“I (m27) was asked by my dad to live with him and my stepmom after I graduated high school almost 10 years ago.
He offered to pay for college and I had eagerly agreed. My parents had divorced several years before and I would rarely see Dad. His wife was someone I barely knew but I didn’t have any problems with her except for a fight with her and my mom.
It didn’t take long for her to start voicing her dislike of me after moving in. It started as passive-aggressive comments about my personality to calling me disrespectful for small things then she would start arguments over nothing. Our first argument was over my dad’s eye color I thought they were green but she insisted they were hazel.
I didn’t care what color they were and admitted I was wrong when Dad agreed with her but she went off on me then complained to Dad about my behavior and started calling me names and accusing me of random nonsense that I didn’t even do.
Dad took her side but backed off when I explained why I wasn’t in the wrong at all. It only got worse from there.
Stepmom would attack me for any reason from how I drove to cleaning to things she would do for me. She always put on a facade of being a nice person to everyone and would introduce herself as my mother.
I would correct her which caused more arguments since she hates Mom but I stood my ground. In every argument, she’d say that I was trying to ruin her marriage, I’m rude, disrespectful, that I’m trying to domineer her. Dad would always take her side but would back off to play the mediator when he realized that she was wrong.
She’d play the victim whenever she was called out for her nonsense and would redirect blame to me.
I begged Dad to let me move into the school’s dorms but he asked me to wait and to give Stepmom a chance. I agreed but nothing got better.
During break, I went home to visit family but went NC with them because I was done. I was tired and needed a break. Before I came back Dad asked me about how I really felt about stepmom. Thinking this was in confidence I told him exactly how I felt about stepmom’s treatment of me.
I regret telling him how I really felt because as soon as I walked through the door stepmom ambushed me about everything I’d said about her and went off.
I was livid. I felt like Dad stabbed me in the back because she always played the victim and this was no different.
I went off on them for everything she put me through and told stepmom to leave me the heck alone! She demanded that I get out so I did. Dad begged me to stay but I refused and left. The first few years I went complete NC with my stepmom and LC with my dad.
I have mostly forgiven him but our relationship will never be the same. Now I maintain a strict NC with stepmom and only speak to her if Dad’s around but nothing more. I have a hard time getting over everything that happened and I still have a deep-set hatred for her.
I recently started to believe that I was the jerk after sharing my experience with a friend who suggested that she wanted to be accepted. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father’s wife seems to be jealous of your mom and by extension, that includes you because you are a living daily reminder he had a relationship with someone before her.
Unless your father’s wife makes serious overtures to apologize for her previous behavior I too think your decision to be NC with her remains the best choice. I would suggest you work on getting over your professed hatred of your father’s wife. IMO the reason being you are granting that person to live rent-free in your head as well as controlling your emotions so the only person these feelings hurt is you.
Better for you in the long term if you can get to a point where you react to her as you would to a stranger on the street.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your dad is enabling this and totally not on your side (unless he is also being abused but if not…).
He’s just letting her be the bad guy and benefitting from pitting you against each other. It’s moderately common for men to do unfortunately (a weak-willed man doesn’t stand up to an abrasive wife but is SO TOTALLY WITH YOU at the poor behavior). He’s the one that didn’t want you to move to the dorms and he’s the one that asked your thoughts and then told her or let her listen.
She’s trash but in many ways, he is more at fault for trying to be a sympathetic player in this.” Emmalineeee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted acceptance, she went about it all the wrong way. To me, you posed a threat to her relationship with your dad.
She wants all the attention from him, but your being there divides his attention. He loves you both and gets put in the middle a lot, but he put himself there. He should have never told her what you said, and that ruined the trust between you.
I don’t blame you for limiting contact. She is toxic, and if you need to steer clear for your peace of mind, do it.” Hopeful_Rip2690
19. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Bus Seat To A Pregnant Woman Due To My Undiagnosed Condition?
“I’m not diagnosed with anything yet so I can’t say what I have.
But I have a hard time standing or walking sometimes because of major joint pain and dizzy spells. So due to this, I sit close to the door in the front so getting off will be easier for me to do.
Anyway, I was sitting where I usually do and the bus is decently packed. The middle-aged pregnant woman comes on and stares at me while she’s swiping her card.
Me being very socially anxious I just stare at the floor and hope she wasn’t looking at me for any particular reason.
I look up and hear her say, “Can I take this seat?”
I try to tell her something along the lines of “I’m sorry, maybe ask someone else?” but she didn’t let me finish and asked me again but louder.
People were starting to look at us and I couldn’t really get the words out of my mouth.
Thankfully another guy stood up and told her that it was okay to take his spot. She started going on about how the new generation was so selfish and that at least there were some gentlemen left.
I honestly feel bad. I think I was the jerk in this situation because some days are worse than others when it comes to my physical condition, and that day wasn’t the worst so maybe I could’ve just gotten up? Or maybe got off and waited for the next bus?
I don’t know. I also feel bad because I probably proved her point about younger people.
I told my mother when I got home and she was conflicted as well. My sister told me I was wrong for doing that and I should’ve just gotten up.
So now I’m here since there’s no one left to tell me, was I wrong in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People shouldn’t assume about whether someone is able to stand or not. You don’t have to feel bad about not giving up your seat – you have a perfectly good reason to need it.
However, some perfectly able-bodied people are also jerks about taking up seats that others need. So it might help if you say ‘I’m sorry, I can’t stand due to a condition, could you ask someone else’ to make it clear that you are there for a reason.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have something that makes it hard to stand and walk. And standing on the bus is not exactly easy because it can be pretty choppy. You’re not proving her point of the “younger generation being selfish” because you have a reason to sit and it’s none of her business why you need to sit.
It also works in the reverse where the older generation is super entitled. She still got a seat so she’s the jerk and her comment was uncalled for. You did nothing wrong and she needed to realize that people will have reasons for needing to sit on public transit that isn’t always visible and that she doesn’t know what someone else may or may not have.
Also, no one is obligated to give up a seat on public transit for anyone else.” MrsKuroo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for all the reasons mentioned above. As you feel you’re unable to vocalize at the moment, if you use public transport a lot and you’re worried similar may happen again, maybe look into getting a card made up with something along the lines of “I have a medical condition that makes standing difficult/painful.” You could add I need to sit due to a medical condition in the beginning if you want to, but at least if similar happens again you can just show the card to whoever you would like to and not feel flustered and then guilty afterward (imo no reason to feel guilty as many people can’t vocalize in the moment, nevermind to someone who doesn’t let you get a word out).
I’m sure you could get something like that via a craft group or the likes of Etsy if you want to go that route.” Fumble_Luna85
18. AITJ For Counting Items My Dad Bought As My Turn To Purchase Household Supplies?
“My roommate and I (both early 30s F) are/were both teachers.
She shares my Costco membership with me (I purchased it but got two cards so I gifted her the second). We split rent and utilities 50/50. A few years ago I suffered a traumatic brain injury teaching special education. I was put on work comp and received a settlement.
I decided to go back to get my masters in school psychology and am nannying professionally until I get in (I just finished my last prerequisite). My roommate and I split household items like toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning products. Part of the reason I gave her the extra Costco membership was that it more evenly splits household items since we buy them in bulk and take turns buying them.
My dad was visiting a couple of months ago and took me to Costco as a treat. He paid and I got things we typically split and even offered her to use some of my groceries since they were purchased in bulk and we have minimal storage space.
We are on the last bits of things like toilet paper and paper towels and she recently reminded me it’s my turn to buy them. I told her I provided the last round. She said since they were purchased by my dad, that they weren’t really provided by me and that it’s my turn to pay.
I think that even though I didn’t buy them, they were provided via my family and he intended it as a financial break for me since I had to pay out of pocket for my last prerequisite.
I think it should be her turn.
AITJ for standing by it being her turn and counting the items purchased by my dad as my contribution?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however by asking you to buy this round she is the jerk because she has already had an entire turn of not buying so if she doesn’t buy this time she will have two turns in a row of not buying which is not fair and gives her a break on your dime.
This turn was purchased for you via your dad not as a communal item he purchased it for you to use as your provided turn she’s just being petty because you got a needed bit of assistance and she didn’t”. dreamchilledlover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s irrelevant if your dad’s money paid for the stuff. You provided it, it would be no different than if he had wired you money to your account without her knowledge. It’s irrelevant if it’s not fair, life isn’t fair.
Sure it sucks that her family doesn’t help her. Really to be fair I’d like to point out, that you DID help her by allowing her to use the stuff your dad purchased instead of making her get her own, it would have been unfair to have had your dad buy it, not share with her and send her to get stuff for her own out of normal rotation but you didn’t do that you shared with her.
Maybe point that out to her.” BurqueBeck17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s out of her mind. If she truly felt that way she should have said something at the time she was reaping the benefits of what your dad purchased. It doesn’t matter who purchased it on your behalf.
Items were provided per the agreement and she happily used them. You could have put them in a closet and waited to whip them out now that it’s “your turn.” She’s full of it.” Thart85
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Husband Visit Our Kids Because He Refused To Help Me?
“I (33F) kicked my husband (33M) out a few months ago due to him preferring booze and his family (cousins) over taking me to the ER and our kids. He also stressed us out, constantly giving us orders and constantly asking why the house was never clean, instead of saying hello kids I missed you, how was your day?
I suffer from anxiety, major depressive disorder, CPTSD, and fibromyalgia plus other chronic health-related issues. My 3 kids range in age 12-4. They also have health issues (we won that health lottery right?).
So the thing is, all week I have been feeling very ill and depressed, to the point where I stopped caring about anything.
Today I had a bit of energy and cooked some lunch for the kids but, in doing so, my carpal tunnel decided to act up on both hands (I was supposed to have surgery years ago but had a newborn and it would have been a minimum of 6 months recovery) to the point I couldn’t even pick up a fork.
My ex called to see if he could still visit the kids since it is very windy and cold outside (most of the year it looks like fall/winter here). He is not allowed in my house due to his constant berating and criticism. He is not on the lease anymore either.
I asked him what he would be doing since I know how he is. He said he would be upstairs with my daughter (he cares more about her, forgetting about the boys) cleaning her room, just like the day before. I told him her room was clean and he didn’t really have a reason to be upstairs (he likes to go snooping through my drawers and bedroom just to start a fight).
I proceeded to ask him if he could help me wash some dishes since my hands were in pain, my 12-year-old (autistic) can’t wash the dishes due to having problems with his fingers.
He snarkily said no, that since I had decided to kick him out, he had no obligation to help me and to figure it out on my own.
I proceeded to extricate myself from the call and gave it to my son. I hate asking for help and he knew that. He knows that I only ask for help when extremely needed.
So my son, still on the phone asks me if his dad was allowed to visit.
I said no. Mind you I was already crying from his response and still trying to shake off my depression.
I feel like a jerk because I decided to save myself some mental/physical anguish that his visit would cost me over my kids seeing their father.
My kids say it was okay because they know how he is and have seen me try to hold it in. But still, I don’t think it’s fair to them.
I forgot to add, he sees them almost daily, 2 hours or less, outside of my house with the excuse he can’t have them at his house, because my daughter once accidentally made her baby cousin cry.
He lives with his cousins.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say the kids see him almost every day so one day was not going to hurt. You were in physical and mental pain and his presence would only have made things worse and in doing so affected the children negatively.
The whole situation sounds sad. I hope you can get some help and support because it sounds like the children are the ones suffering with your mental and physical state.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really understand your story completely as there are a few contradictions like he was at the house yesterday but he is not allowed in the house, he visits the kids every day but it’s always cold outside?
Where does he usually visit then?? But from the story, I could understand it seems YTJ. Only because you said he was going to be allowed to visit if he did the dishes for you, whilst he seems to be a jerk for not helping you if he can still it doesn’t seem fair to you kids that you cut the visit just because he wouldn’t help you.
Also, the fact you mentioned that the kids are involved in this conversation with him and you does not seem like a healthy position for them to be in. Whilst it is an incredibly hard position for you dealing with mental and physical health issues sadly when you are a parent your kids’ needs come before your own and it shouldn’t be up to them to pick up for that.
Divorce is hard but the kids’ needs should always be prioritized. I don’t know if you need to have him in your home but if he is trying to see his children and judging by the fact you have let him see them for 2 hours every other day he must have somewhat of a good relationship with his children you need to make a more substantial arrangement in him getting time with the kids.” Angelique4link
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Too many contradictions for me to vote any other way. He’s not allowed in your house but then he is but ‘only to visit the kids’. Yet, you asked him to wash the dishes & when he said no you wouldn’t let him visit.
I saw you also commented that ‘you force him to see the kids every day for 2 hours’. How do you force him? Do you threaten him, holding the kids over his head? It’s clear he has his issues & it’s equally transparent you have plenty of your own.
The only people that aren’t jerks are the kids. I hope for the sake of the children you guys can learn how to communicate & co-parent effectively. In the meantime, I’d suggest a 3rd party location for him to spend time with the kids without you there.
While you two may not be together as a couple anymore these daily 2 hour visiting windows are still too much togetherness for this to be healthy for the kids. Kids would rather be from a broken home than have to live in one.” Psychological-Cry748
16. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Beggar Expensive Groceries?
“I finished my classes for the day and waited outside. A beggar came to me and started crying about how her children are sick and she does not have enough money to buy food. I felt sorry for her and took her to the nearest supermarket.
As we walked to the store, I kept an eye on her to see if she had a trick up her sleeve. Her clothes were dirty and had holes in them.
There’s a hyperinflation in my country. This detail is important. We enter the store.
We originally agreed that I’d buy her cheese and labneh – a traditional dairy product – and nothing else since I only had 100,000 Lebanese pounds (LBP) which would have made roughly $66 three years ago and now are worth a bit more than $3. Yes, three dollars.
She grabbed a cereal box that cost 110,000 LBP. I reminded her that I only have 100,000 LBP on me (I live in the area so I don’t carry a lot of cash). She put it back. As we headed to the cash counter, she started asking me if I could buy her a Cadbury bar for about 65,000 LBP, which is hilariously expensive for a chocolate bar, for “her sick daughter.”
I was starting to get angry and convinced that she’s taking me for a fool, but she insisted on choosing expensive products, claiming that it’s for her “sick daughter” (an excuse that every single beggar says here, it’s always a sick daughter). I got upset, put the cheese and labneh back in their place, bought a donut for myself, and left her in the grocery store.
I’m not Santa Claus, nor do I have sympathy for charlatans. A hungry man doesn’t whine about the sauce.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work security for a strip mall and the experience in my area is the homeless put themselves there. I am not saying all homeless are like this or that all homeless are to blame for their circumstances.
I understand life can be cruel and unfair and sometimes we get bad luck and can really use some help. Grew up poor middle class, parents constantly struggled with bills and providing for me and my brothers. That being said it’s very easy to tell those struggling from those who are leeching off society and I tell people if you want to help there are charities that could really use the donations but you aren’t doing anyone any favors by giving a homeless addict money, or food.
Some people’s rock bottom is much further than ours and none of us are obligated to care about someone who would destroy themselves before trying to fix their life.” Vigovsgozer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When we visit India and encounter beggars we either ignore them (there are too many of them and once you give one the rest come out of nowhere!) or we buy them food (like from a restaurant) and give it to them to eat.
I have this one memory from when I was a child and we were visiting. We were in a car going somewhere and were stopped in traffic. Some beggars came up to us saying that they were hungry so my mother offered them the snacks that we had.
They outright refused and said that they wanted money. My mother told them that if they’re really hungry they can take the food or they can leave. So they left.” WranglerFeisty8274
Another User Comments:
“I can only speak for my area and my experiences.
So the things most of the ones around my post do are hold signs and collect from major highways. Or come onto the parking lots and approach people entering exiting buildings and their vehicles. Personally, on my watch, I won’t engage anyone who is here for legitimate business buying food, or updating their cell minutes.
I generally only engage when I observe panhandling, and loitering which I usually just watch for 20 minutes before asking that they get something from the shops or I need to ask them to leave. I’ve also had to wake people passed out sleeping. The homeless, the workers, the customers.
I take no pleasure in handling the situations but I also don’t feel bad necessarily. I wish my city had a real solution to helping them and that most of them would be willing to get help but that’s not the situation on either point unfortunately.” Vigovsgozer
15. AITJ For Not Changing My Work Schedule Despite My Wife's Concerns?
“I work in an industry with extreme highs and lows in terms of workload and am currently going through my busiest time of year, usually requiring about 70 hours a week.
I grew up in the industry and have had the same schedule since well before I met my wife, so she understood from the beginning that the man she was marrying was going to need to work very hard during certain times of the year.
Every year around this time she begins to get upset about my hours, and we have a discussion about how I am not prioritizing her or our family enough, but I have always been able to reassure her that I am doing the best I can, that I am spending every possible moment I can with her, and that this part of the cycle will be over soon.
We have even moved closer to friends and family so that she has a better support system during these times, but she still struggles with my schedule during these cycles. Her job is a 9-5 position with extremely flexible hours and work from home multiple days a week, which has of course been a godsend during this busy time, but also leads her to compare our two schedules a bit unfairly.
Typically this high-demand part of the cycle lasts about a month or two, but this year has been especially hectic and has been six days/70 hours a week for close to 4 months. Our son was also born last fall, and while he is of course the greatest thing to have ever happened to our family, it has only exacerbated her feelings that I do not make her (and now our son) a significant enough priority.
Even during this busy time, we have split the parenting duties as 50/50 as possible, and I have never asked her to take extra turns getting up early/middle of the night so that I can rest. However, she has repeatedly accused me of being an absentee parent because I usually get home just before bedtime my only interaction time with our son is when I feed him and put him to bed.
As I said, this cycle has been especially hectic, and I have been under an extreme amount of stress and pressure, to the point that I have sacrificed any personal time, hobbies, and in some ways my physical and mental health in an effort to meet the needs of both my family and my work.
As such, the last time my wife initiated the discussion regarding not prioritizing her or our family, I pushed back by saying that I realized I was falling short as a husband and father, but that I am going through a tough time and need her understanding and support right now.
She maintained that while she realizes how stressed I am, the situation is a direct result of the choices I have made, and that I am making these sacrifices for a company that does not have my best interest at heart. She was upset that I would not make an immediate change and accused me of simply telling her to “suck it up”, which was in no way the argument I was making.
In many ways, she is of course absolutely right…but AITJ for not making more of an effort to address her concerns?”
Another User Comments:
“This situation here is not about being right or wrong. It’s not about getting a judgment on whether you are a jerk or not.
It’s about priorities, values, and relationships. Your wife is very clearly and repeatedly telling you that this issue makes her unhappy. She does not like this ‘cycle’. She does not like what she feels are your priorities. And she wants this to change. She is unhappy.
She is resentful. And she is probably also feeling unheard and angry. And on top of this, she now has a young child, which, no matter how much outside support she has, is going to exacerbate her feelings. It is you she is feeling isn’t engaged, not the rest of her support system.
Even single people have support systems, but they don’t give you the things you look for in a marriage, otherwise, why would anyone bother getting married or being in a relationship?
Now you can be “right” and you can try and logic and rationalize things however you want.
But that is how your wife is feeling. And she is telling you this. And yet nothing changes. At some point, maybe soon, maybe years from now, all of those emotions she is carrying around are going to become too much for her to carry anymore.
She will eventually have had enough. There is a very good possibility that when this happens she will leave, but even if she doesn’t she will disconnect from your relationship. So you can be right about everything. But at the end of the day, everyone loses anyway.
Just like that saying “you can be right, or you can be happy”.
Now I am not saying you absolutely have to leave your job. Or that you are a jerk if you don’t. I am saying that whatever you have going on at the moment is not good for your marriage and there are ALWAYS more solutions to problems like this, if people are actually willing and actively trying to find them.
So no jerks here. But you do need to reevaluate your own priorities and decide what’s most important to you here. Maybe you can find a way to keep both the job and the marriage. But maybe you cannot, and then you have choices to make.
Couples therapy would probably actually be really helpful here in this situation. Because I think that there is a disconnect between what she is actually trying to tell you and how you are interpreting it. You want her emotions to fit your logic. And that’s not how emotions work.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I don’t think you guys thought things through properly. She was complaining pretty much all along that you devote too much time towards work and not enough to her. You admit that you’ve sacrificed a lot for your work, including physical and mental health.
I’m not really sure at what point you’d decide that maybe this isn’t healthy for you? Keeping all of that in mind, you started a family with her. You spend nearly 12 hours a day for 6 days a week away from your family for the last 4 months.
You claim the parenting is 50/50, but even you should know it’s not. Getting up a few times a night and putting the kid to bed is hardly doing any of it. You aren’t there for a lot of it. Your wife feels neglected and you’re not giving your child much time.
All areas of your life are suffering. You haven’t made ANY efforts to address her concerns because your reasoning was “she knew about my job from the start”. Is your job really that much to you? You realize if you passed away tomorrow, your job would replace you in no time.
Your wife? Your child? That stuff is what really matters.” onedayatatime08
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Needs change over time, especially after children. Living closer to friends and family is irrelevant at the end of the day because she wants YOU home, not her family.
Your company is working you nearly two full work weeks in the course of one for months on end. You can’t even have hobbies. Is that sustainable? You’re being a jerk to yourself missing out on life and your family for a job.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Refusing To Move Seats For A Separated Group At Disneyland?
“I’ve been celebrating my birthday at Disneyland Paris this week. Today we went to a show, for this show you queue outside of the theater and 10 minutes before it starts they let the queue in and once inside you’re free to go sit wherever you want.
In front of me and my partner in the queue, there was a group of maybe 6 people. Once we went inside they got separated while looking for seating. Some of them sat down, then my partner and I sat down beside them and two other random girls sat beside my partner.
Then the group realized they got separated and demanded my partner and I move seats so they could sit together. We agreed to move one seat to the side but they still needed another seat and the girls beside my partner didn’t want to move so the group was basically demanding we move somewhere else entirely and by this time the theater was almost full which meant getting unpleasant seats.
So, we said no. We’re not moving. They got mad and said we cut in line in front of them and they want to sit together. I said I’m sorry but not moving. I don’t think we cut in line since once you’re inside there’s not a line anymore and I didn’t even realize we got in front of them.
In the end, I don’t know where the rest of them sat but they were cursing under their breath until the show started. Were we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in those theatres. It’s survival of the fittest to get the good seats.
They failed in their basic herd instinct and lost two of their members. This is the consequence. They’ll learn for next time.” ausernamebyany_other
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They snooze, they lose! It’s not your fault the difficult task of sitting down bamboozled them. When they saw that there weren’t six seats available together, the normal, mature action would be splitting into two groups of three.
You were in no way obligated to get up and move!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need to recognize that if they wanted to sit together, they should have stayed together. Not your problem they think they are entitled to your seats because they are a ‘group’.
You and your partner are a group as well if they want to play it that way.” Flicka67
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Parents Tricked Me Into Going To My Aunt's House?
“I’m 15f and I have three siblings all under the age of ten, it’s also finals week at my school and I have three projects to do.
My parents were talking about sending me to my aunt’s house to finish the projects because I could have peace and quiet. I would rather stay at home because they’re honestly not that bad, I even finished one and they didn’t even bother me.
This morning, I was gonna do my dilation project and my mom came into my room and said we’re going to the lake, so we got ready and we were in the car and I saw my siblings didn’t have towels or anything, just games and toys.
My brother asked how long the drive was and my dad said five hours and the lake is literally 15 minutes away so I asked what do you mean? He said we’re going to my aunt’s house to drop me off. So I started yelling at them and called them jerks for tricking me.
So I’m currently at my aunt’s house with absolutely no supplies, it’s not even about going to my aunt’s house, like I said I’d rather stay home but it’s not a big deal the thing is they TRICKED me to get me to go there, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info…please. Is there some additional info you’re not sharing, as it seems a little strange parents would trick you into leaving for no reason? Were you perhaps getting frustrated by “all your siblings under age ten” (kinda weird that you mentioned it like that..) and maybe yelling at them??
What was the reason behind your parents thinking you need (tricking you into) quiet time to study at your aunt and uncle’s house??” TooOldToReadWHAT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your parents surely are. I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but deception erodes trust. Been where you are.
For now, just think about your projects though. You will eventually either forgive them or like many of us who were so tricked, you’ll distance yourself from them. So sorry your parents are like this.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Hey, bright lights. How am I supposed to do my work if I don’t have my stuff?
Not too genius if you ask me. Why not use your grown-up words and actually tell me I was coming here so I could prepare? Why do you want me out of the house that bad? Is everything OK? Should y’all get a check-up? None of this makes sense.”” Pristine-Revolution5
12. AITJ For Getting My Neighbor Fined For Trespassing On My Property?
“My neighbor started digging on my property (about 6 feet into it past the easement) and putting up posts for a fence. I told him that wasn’t acceptable; the easement was 6 feet toward their property line and it extended 20 feet further (their property line was 26 feet from where the posts were being placed).
We had a bit of an argument and I called the county to have a survey done (I paid for it and it wasn’t cheap).
While the surveyor was out, she called the health department and the county department of public works, who sent out investigators for the neighbor’s property and fined him “7500 dollars!” his words.
The surveyor found that this fence he was putting up was indeed 6 feet past the easement and into my property line. I removed the posts and the guy called the police where I had a long conversation and the police notified him of trespass.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if the neighbor was fined $7500 by the health department, it was not because of the fence. Good on you for paying for the survey, but it seems like you would have just needed to call the county first. Also, it seems like you could have had the posts hauled away and made him pay for it instead of doing it yourself, so he should have been happy about that.” HKatzOnline
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reminds me of when my duplex neighbor strung up chicken wire fencing to “complete” his side of the backyard for his wolf-mix puppy, but included my back walkway and gate. My choices were to walk through knee-high weeds the landlord hadn’t whacked yet, or go out the front door and walk all the way around the far side of the building to get to my car.
I tried talking to the neighbor about adjusting the chicken wire, but he just told me off. So I called the landlord to ask them to adjust the puppy’s fence, who said “What puppy? What kind is it? No, I never said they could have a dog, especially not a big one!” Like other folks have said, keep records in case you need to get a lawyer involved. My neighbor was so angry about the phone call that he started sabotaging stuff for funsies.
Like leaving a sprinkler on around the clock for days outside a seldom-viewed corner of my end of the duplex until it started raining in my basement gaming room.” OpheliaRainGalaxy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How did he miss the end of his property by 26ft?!
He wasn’t going to pay the mortgage and property taxes for that 6ft strip of your property, right?” flaky-burnt
11. AITJ For Refusing To Hang Out With My Wife's Friends Who Tried To Break Us Up?
“My wife is friends with this couple that I refuse to hang out with. Anytime they meet, I make myself scarce and find something else to do so I don’t have to see them.
So the reason I don’t like them is that when my wife and I were first seeing each other, they told her to break up with me. They had never met me at that point, but their reason was because I wasn’t a Christian. Since that time I have occasionally been in the same room at other events or parties until I got engaged with my wife 4 years later.
During our engagement, they literally set up an intervention with my wife to break the engagement with me. I’ve literally only been in the same room with them a handful of times and had very little conversation before that. It still pains me to think they attended our wedding.
I’ve been married to my wife for 15 years now, together for 20 years, with kids, and fairly happy. But my wife and kids will go see this couple once or twice a year. I haven’t seen them since our wedding. I just feel like I have better things to do than to hang out with people that dislike me, and can judge people without even meeting them.
I know it’s a little awkward for my wife to have to answer their questions about my whereabouts, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are the jerks for trying to break up a good relationship over religion. It shouldn’t be awkward for your wife when she sees them, it should be awkward for them to see her and the kids that she had with the man they didn’t want her to marry.
That’s on them. She shouldn’t feel bad about it, they should. You don’t owe them any of your time or anything else. They owe you an apology.” Sting_like_a_Vespa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you simply didn’t enjoy their company, you would still not be the jerk.
It’s ok for couples to have some friends that aren’t friends of both people. My husband has a few friends that I can definitely live without and he finds a couple of my friends to be a bit much. You’re not trying to forbid her from maintaining the relationship with these people, you are just not willing to establish a connection with them yourself….and I can’t say I blame you.
Your whereabouts are easily enough explained as “he had other obligations”, just leaving off the part where those “obligations” were to let her enjoy the visit without putting yourself in the untenable position of making small talk with people you so thoroughly resent.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – so I don’t think you’re wrong to not want to meet people who don’t approve of you. That bridge was burned for you. But the Christian faith is one that says Christians should only marry Christians. Christians are supposed to put their faith first and be their driving force in life, relationships, parenting… All of it.
The Bible is very clear that marrying a Christian to a non-Christian is unwise because you don’t share the same central belief system. So they weren’t trying to reject you as an individual, but they were trying to encourage her to follow the beliefs she claims to hold consistently by rejecting all men of different beliefs.
That’s what a community of shared beliefs is supposed to do, even if it offended you. So I will take the downvotes for standing up for people with consistent religious beliefs, but I don’t think you’re wrong for your beliefs and values and people you want to befriend, and I don’t think they’re wrong for holding their beliefs and values and encouragement of who a close friend of shared faith should marry.” JurassicParkFood
10. AITJ For Keeping Grandma's Final Wishes A Secret From My Uncle?
“I swear, one day they will make a movie from my family’s drama.
Here goes…
My grandma (99) has two children: my mom (65) and my uncle (70).
Even though they are well into their years, mom and uncle still have a lot of sibling rivalry. Especially mom who always felt her family loved her brother more.
Anyway, my (42F) grandma and I have always gotten along great. Which is why about 10 years ago, she wrote down her final wishes on a piece of paper, put it in a sealed envelope, and asked me to hang on to it, to be opened when she passes.
She had since had a battle with Alzheimer’s but when she wrote the wishes, she was lucid and in a clear mind.
About 3-4 years back, the area I live in had a lot of flooding, and fearing that the important documents would be destroyed, I gave the envelope with grandma’s wishes to my mom who lives in a different area.
I should have taken it back from her when we got rid of the water in the house but life happened and I just forgot.
Recently, Grandma passed. I called Mom and was like “bring the envelope with her wishes, we will read it together”, to which she replied, “I read it just as I thought she left everything to my brother, she was probably already demented writing it, I tore it up and threw it out.
Don’t you dare tell him. Your grandma did not have a lot of money and we used everything she had on funeral expenses anyway.”
I was shocked. Had a huge fight with Mom. Was going to tell my uncle but then he said something about how he needs his sister’s support during this time so I couldn’t.
I saved up two grand and gave it to him saying it was grandma’s money.
Now I am keeping this secret and it is killing me. Am I the jerk for betraying grandma’s trust and lying to my uncle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother is.
And if I were you I would verify there really is nothing to split before you decide to keep this secret… is your mom telling you the truth? You would be the jerk if there is anything to split and you let your mom keep it.
Your grandmother trusted you for a reason, probably because she knew your mom would behave this way.” toastandjam11
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk except maybe your uncle. Obviously, your mom is terrible for destroying the letter. You’re a bit of a jerk for not keeping the letter safe somewhere like a safe deposit box or any dry situation other than with your mom.
Even Grandma is a bit of a jerk (RIP) for putting you in an awkward position and for not informing her children directly while she was on the planet. That said, even IF the document would be considered valid by the court, if she was on assistance then what your mom said was likely true and there was no money left after the funeral. Since you state in another comment mom was the executor of the estate, that means your grandma designated her as such; otherwise, that would automatically fall 50/50 to her children, along with any funds.
This basically makes the document moot and would have only hurt your mom’s feelings and made your uncle feel more special. What’s done is done and I’m not sure telling your uncle will accomplish anything other than to make the fight between him and your mom worse, along with your own relationship with her.” RadioFace9779
Another User Comments:
“I won’t address what happened in the past – you can’t change that. However, since there is no Will to speak of, this will need to be settled in probate unless all of Grandma’s accounts had a beneficiary and the house had one or both of her children’s names on the deed. In probate, they don’t discern who gets more or less – they have the estate split equally among “survivors”.
Your mom did a really terrible thing. Now, I personally, am a blabbermouth – I’d be singing from the rooftops. But, you’ll have to decide what you can live with.” Jay-Em-Bee
9. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Clean Up His Own Mess?
“I (21 F) woke up to my partner (22 M) peeing on my floor at around 2:45 am.
To clarify, we were drinking last night, and he just randomly started peeing on my floor in the middle of the night. He ended up peein on his pants and jacket and on the hard wood floor. He then goes to the bathroom and after he comes back I tell him he needs to clean it up.
He starts getting very defensive and tells me that I need to get a towel for him. I told him I will not be going to get a towel, he gets really mad and goes a grabs some rags himself.
He begins cleaning up the areas that he urinated on, and then starts getting really angry towards me.
I don’t understand why he’s getting angry at me since he is the one who peed on my floor so it would make sense that he cleans it up right? He cleans up the hard wood floor a bit and then ends up picking up the pants and jacket that he peed on and puts it on and leaves my house to go home.
He now isn’t answering my calls now, but I’m sure more will be clear in the morning. But AITJ for telling him to clean up his own urine? I just don’t understand why he got so angry with that request to the point where he wanted to leave to go back home?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m quite sure that this is not the kind of thing Maya Angelou was thinking about when she said ‘When people show you who they are, believe them the first time’, but hey if the shoe fits….. Is this the kind of thing you want in your life?
NTJ.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“Was this the first time y’all ever drank together? Because your man’s a heavy drinker. If it was, there’s your red flag. If this was a regular occurrence, ESH because you’re enabling his heavy drinking. He was probably still inebriated when he put his urine drenched clothes back on and left. Hopefully he got home okay, but for me this would be a deal breaker and I would start looking at the single life.” Forsaken_Bat_5729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once came back home so inebriated that I urinated on myself in the elevator leading back to my flat. I took bleach, rags and cleaned the heck out of the elevator while trying to be as silent as possible as I was still living with my mom.
My dog is sorry when she pees/poops inside accidentally when she’s sick, the bar is on the ground and your partner tripped on it.” Fury_hana
8. AITJ For Not Paying For Car Maintenance After Giving It To My Sister-In-Law?
“When my wife and I were first married my father-in-law said that for our wedding gift, he would allow us to use their family car (a 2004 Toyota Camry).
He would not make us make any payments on the car but we would be responsible for general maintenance and insurance. We used the car for several years while we were in college. In that time period we had to replace the tires and we did regular oil changes.
No other maintenance was done on the car, and none was needed from what I was aware of.
Once we finished college we agreed to pass the car down to my sister-in-law who now was in college and recently married. A few months after my sister-in-law used the car, she calls me to inform me that the tires and the brake pads need to be replaced. She claims that I should be responsible for paying for these replacements because I was the one who wore down the tires and brake pads.
The total cost would be $800.
My wife and I both agreed that we shouldn’t be expected to pay for these replacements as the responsibility has since shifted to her and her husband. To my surprise, some of my in-laws have taken the side of my sister-in-law.
So AITJ here?
For the record: My wife and I reluctantly sent my sister-in-law $250, mostly to avoid drama, not because we actually thought we should.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she shouldn’t have accepted an almost 20-year-old car if she wasn’t ready to have to pay to maintain it.
You shouldn’t have sent her anything, it would be one thing if she couldn’t afford it and politely asked for help, but the fact that she said it’s your responsibility? Ditch that.” rowang96
Another User Comments:
“I think slight YTJ. You were allowed to use a free car for 3/4?
years it saved you a ton of money on a car payment. All you had to do was pay for maintenance which really does not count because even if you had bought your own car tires/oil changes are a regular part of maintenance that you would still have had to pay.
So maintenance really isn’t even a “fee” you paid for the car use. On average cars are driven about 13,500 miles per year or about 1,125 miles per month. Brake pads have an average life of about 40,000 miles. If the brake pads wore out after a “few” months let’s assume 3 that is 3,375.
So that means you handed off a car with only about 8.5% brake life left. Tires have a life between 60k to 75k. Assume 60k, you handed off the car with 5.6% tire life left. When someone does you a favor you should leave things better than you found it.
You should have returned the car to your FIL/sil with new brakes tires since the lifespan on those was almost out. In the time you used the car, you paid $0 for its use, the maintenance does not count because you would still have paid that for your own car.
Do an $800 rental fee if you want to look at it that way for 3/4+ years of use is practically nothing.” Dizzy_Needleworker_3
Another User Comments:
“Quite difficult. Normally you don’t blame the quality of a hand down. If you want to use the hand down it would be your job to refurbish it.
But in this case, you didn’t give away your property you don’t have a use for anymore. You give back something you borrowed and while it was borrowed you must give it back in good condition. A car with safety issues ain’t a good condition and it’s clear that’s an issue of daily usage and not of age.
That should have been something you had to notice while checking if the car was ready to give it back. It’s obvious you didn’t care about the condition of the car after you’re done using it. So YTJ here.” MadMaid42
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Surprise McDonald's Dinner From My Housemate?
“There are five of us in the house.
Usually for dinner, we all cook our own meals as it’s easier with all our schedules.
One evening when we were all relaxing in the lounge housemate Joe said that he would make dinner for the house as a treat for living together for 5 years.
We all agreed.
The next evening when I get to the apartment I get changed out of my work clothes and sit down with the rest of the housemates to eat. Joe then places McDonald’s burgers and fries in the center of the table and says “Enjoy.”
I asked if something had gone wrong when he was cooking that he had to get McDonald’s. Joe shook his head and said no this was always the plan and we could pay him for it later.
I said I’m not paying for it as he said yesterday that he was making us dinner not ordering McDonald’s.
If I knew we were getting McDonald’s and would be paying for it I would’ve made something else as I always feel horrible after eating McDonald’s so I tend to avoid it. The other housemates agreed with me.
Joe shouted that we’re all ungrateful and should be ashamed of ourselves and stormed out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… Are you sure this wasn’t an April Fools? If it wasn’t then I get your point. Not everyone likes fast food, and even fewer people would appreciate McDonald’s when they’ve been promised a home-cooked meal. Joe was under no obligation to do this as it sounds like you all mostly make your own meals anyway.
I get Joe’s feelings of being hurt if Joe was sincerely trying to just do something nice, but he lazily did it. If you’re going to promise something like a meal to someone you need to do it well and do it in a way that shows consideration for their dietary concerns.
None of that was done. This should be a learning experience for Joe on execution, even though his original idea was commendable.” ConquestOfBreadz
Another User Comments:
“Why would not all just go out to McDonald’s if that is what he wanted you to eat? Why serve at home as a sit-down meal, takeout McDonald’s?
And if he is getting McDonald’s, why not find out what you want? It’s not much extra work to get an order list and get what people want rather than going, yeah let’s just get 5 big Macs. And how is this a kindness? Especially since you are supposed to pay for it.
Who pays for food they don’t order or even want? That’s just weird, NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It does seem like it might possibly have been a joke, including the storm off. NTJ regardless. Plunking cold, randomly selected fast food on the table is not the same as making dinner.
Yes, he spent money but he would have spent much less money buying a couple of packs of spaghetti and the fanciest jarred sauce on the shelf and a bag of salad, and it’s hardly more work.” cantcountnoaccount
6. AITJ For Wanting To Relax Instead Of Making New Plans After A Concert Got Cancelled?
“My partner and I had plans to away for the night so she could go to a concert for an artist she really likes. I wasn’t going to the concert and was just going to spend the time going for a drink or food.
I’ve been stressed lately with work and really need some time to just relax.
The concert got cancelled so we are no longer going to a different city now. I mentioned to my partner that this means I can have the weekend to just relax. We had both taken Friday off work so I said I planned to just relax on Friday and Saturday.
My partner said she thought we could do 2 days out instead I said I’m happy to do something on the Sunday or the following weekend but now that we’re no longer going away I’d rather just relax and stay in the apartment.
My partner accused me of wasting the day and being selfish but I just repeated that I needed the time to relax and that I am offering reasonable alternatives.
She said I should want to spend the time with her and be open to making plans but I just told her she needs to be willing to compromise and accept one of the reasonable dates I’ve offered to go on days out. She just said I was being unfair.
AITJ for refusing to make new plans after old plans got cancelled?”
Another User Comments:
“As an introvert, of course I’m going to say NTJ. You fully intended to go away for the weekend. The fact it was cancelled by a third party does not negate your intentions.
In relationship terms, you have credit for going away for the weekend. Another weekend trip would require separate, future planning (and mental preparation).” okmustardman
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You weren’t going to be “active” with the first plans…you were going to relax as best you could.
The cancellation allows you to actually relax…in the comfort of your own home. If your partner wants to do 2 days out, she can do that with friends (just as I presume she was going to the concert). Needing time to relax/recoup/regroup isn’t selfish, but wanting someone to forego that and seeing it as “wasted” is.” BefuddledPolydactyls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As every long-term couple knows, spending time apart is as important as spending time together. Making plans to be by yourself is still making plans. Your partner is being selfish by calling you selfish. She had no problem spending the time without you when SHE already had plans to do something else.
This might be an introvert/extrovert issue where she simply needs to spend time around other people and you need time alone to recover. Or this might be an issue where she just wants to know you’re important to her and feels rejected that you’re not eager to spend your extra free time with her.
“I really do need that time alone to recharge and relax. But let’s do a dinner date at a nice restaurant after work next week so we can spend some extra quality time together away from the apartment.”” gordonf23
5. AITJ For Wanting An Emotional Support Cat Even Though My Roommate Is Allergic?
“It’s important to know I’m a person who needs physical touch (hugs, cuddles, hand squeezes, whatnot) to operate in my best mental health, and I’m so touch-deprived that I’ve fallen back into a depressive episode. I was in therapy for a year last year to address a lot of traumas, and this one issue with lack of physical contact is the one thing holding me back.
I (21F) live in a 2 bed, 1 bath, living, dining, kitchen apartment with my roommate (21F). I’ve been here since last April, and she since October. Let’s call her Liz and our mutual friend Kai. Liz sometimes will give me a hug, but not usually.
The problem is, besides her and Kai, I have only two friends who live where we do. One of them was unavailable, and the other lives two hours away and isn’t touchy. My partner is long-distance. My other friends are online. Making new friends is difficult for me because of being introverted, socially anxious, and I have major trust issues because of trauma.
Basically, finding someone to hug is extremely difficult for me, so making new friends is more difficult and unlikely to work.
My mental state has deteriorated so badly this year. First I got sick, then abusive family drama, then a break-in, then wisdom tooth surgery.
The wisdom teeth are important because I opted to get my surgery done in town, and when my ride couldn’t get to me, Liz stepped up to take me (we had previously discussed it). We all thought that I would have a normal recovery.
I was helpless for four days. Turns out the hydrocodone they gave me made me extremely sick. Liz had gone from helicopter and not letting me do anything to, on day three, dropping me altogether. There were problems with taking my meds, and I was helpless while she ignored my texts and calls for help.
I could barely walk because of the danger of fainting, and I had to call Kai for help, which upset Liz (who had been being very passive-aggressive).
I feel bad for putting Liz in that situation to begin with, but I couldn’t go 2 1/2 hours to my hometown for the surgery because I’m bi and will be disowned if my parents find out.
I rely on them for financial help (co-signing on the apartment). Plus, I would be helpless in abusers’ hands.
I realize that I put Liz through a lot by getting the surgery here, and when I talked to her again after getting better, she expressed that much.
I feel like wanting to get myself an ESA cat after all of that would just be too much for Liz. Liz told me she isn’t super allergic and said if I did ever get one (a conversation we had months ago), it would have to stay in my bedroom.
I just feel like I’ve asked so much already, and asking for this could really put a worse strain on our home life. I don’t want her to come home and feel like crap when she should be able to relax, and I don’t want to put her through any more stressful things.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean this in the NICEST way possible because I too suffer from mental health issues, but I think you might need more help than outpatient therapy if you struggle to function independently. Maybe that might look like more sessions, I don’t know but what you’re doing might not be helping you enough right now.
Also for future reference, pain meds make a lot of people sick. If you have to take them again, try breaking them in half, or if possible, smoking can help with the sick symptoms. You can also always call a pharmacy or whoever prescribed them for you if you cannot function on them or try ibuprofen instead and see if it helps the pain enough without debilitating you.
As for the animal, there are many ESA out there. You can always choose something that isn’t a cat or a hypoallergenic breed. I know you said you don’t want to shop, but you’re not looking for a pet, you’re looking for a treatment. That’s completely different.” enjoyingtheposts
Another User Comments:
“It’s not fair to have an animal locked up in one room like that. And not fair to prioritise your mental health over her physical. If you just want some cuddles and a buddy may I suggest a s furry? Personally, I’m a fan of a Russian hamster.
But other breeds are available. Rats are brilliant and very intelligent, there are guinea pigs and gerbils. All sorts. People don’t realize how much personality, how much love they can give, and how affectionate they are. Just look at YouTube or Reels etc. I’ve had dozens of Russian hamsters and each has their own quirks and personalities and they all make me laugh and love cuddles after some training.
Exactly the same as cats. Much more suited to staying in a room as opposed to being able to get out and you can build quite the habitats for them which can also be a bit of a hobby and stress release. Have a google.” useragreement13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In the future, if you need to have planned surgery, part of the planning is making arrangements. Find out if friends have time frames when they can maybe come by and help for a couple of hours or bring meals while you’re out of commission.
Anticipate the best, plan for the worst. Stocking up on microwave things if they can’t or pre-making foods you’ll be able to eat (box mashed potatoes, jello and pudding, applesauce was my major diet). Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on the part of others, and Liz was probably upset you dropped it on her.
Google “cuddle therapy near me”. I also think you should go back to regular therapy, and probably at least once a week for a while, since you’ve admitted you’ve deteriorated so much. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m glad that you are thinking of the impact on your roommate and any potential pet.” ADHDLifer
4. AITJ For Keeping The Entire Tip For Myself?
“My name’s Robert (m18) and I work at Lowe’s. Every spring we open up a new area called quick load, where customers can drive through the parking lot and pick up their mulch, soil, sod, fertilizer, etc. We have a crew of people there to load for them, usually about 3-5 guys.
We have a rule that if two people work loading a single car, if there is a tip we have to split it. This is in part due to the fact that we make minimum wage and tips are considered part of our wage (even though we’re not supposed to accept them, don’t ask me.)
I was loading earlier this morning when the guy I was with went on break, and we were so short-staffed that the store manager herself (32f) came out to help me. She is fairly weak and has a broken foot. She helped me load about 10 cars in total, one of which was an older man who bought 40 bags of mulch of which I loaded probably 30 bags, and she 10 bags.
When we finished he handed me 10 dollars and said to split it with the woman helping me. I told him that she’s the store manager, and in addition to making 6 figures a year, she might make me give the tip back since we’re technically not supposed to accept them.
He just chuckled and said have a good day.
About 2 hours later I overheard her talking to my department manager and heard her say “Robert wouldn’t split a tip with me earlier, I can’t believe he’s so selfish.” Am I the jerk for not splitting the tip?
Usually, when I’m working with other people I’m really good about splitting tips I even bring in a bunch of ones to make sure the tips are evenly split. Am I the jerk for not splitting it with her?”
Another User Comments:
“You were short-staffed, so your manager did the Good Manager Thing and stepped in, despite having a broken foot.
The main thing here is that the guy TOLD YOU TO SPLIT IT. It’s his money, he gets to direct what happens with it. If he hadn’t said that and I knew for a fact she was making 6 figures, I’d pocket it, too. But he did.” salamandersarehere
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, but it’s x3. Weak woman is a no-go. Live and learn. When a manager tells you to do something, it’s usually a good idea to, you know, do it. Worst of all is your reply to the customer. You seriously blathered on about her making 6 figures a year?
All you had to do was say “Thank you, I will” and then sort it out. With this said, your manager gets a soft YTJ herself. Her behavior sounds idiotic. If “technically” you’re not supposed to accept tips, why are people accepting them? As a manager, she needs a better system in place for what people say.
But nobody should have to be reminded not to reveal her darn salary when accepting a tip lol.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, your salaried manager was petty to expect an hourly earner to split his earnings with her, especially when you technically broke the rules and risked losing the tip if you told her about it.
That’s what you wanted to hear, right? You’re right. But YOU are also the jerk for accepting the tip from a customer on the condition of splitting it, and then refusing OUT LOUD to honor his wishes. Just keep it in your head next time.
For expecting someone with a broken foot to do as much of the manual labor as you did, I’m assuming she did those 10 bags in the same amount of time it took you to do 30 bags? She was working as hard as you were the whole time, she just had a handicap.
For your viewpoint in mentioning her weakness. It’s possible to be ticked off at management’s double standards without mentioning her weakness or her gender. Ask yourself if you would have withheld half of the tip from a male manager who moved 20 bags to your 20 bags, instead of a 10/30 split?” skysong5921
3. AITJ For Correcting My Husband's Misrepresentation Of Me In Front Of His Coworkers?
“My husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. When they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying “this is Mrs. Smith (didn’t even say my name)…the housewife!”
I looked at him for a second then I started laughing hysterically. I then said, “No honey, I work full time and yes, I still act like a housewife when I’m home because you simply can’t bother to help”. His co-workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink.
Dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. Once the guests left he blew up saying I embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment I made in front of his new coworkers and ruining his image. I told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with.
He said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he’s useless.
He stormed off and has been quiet the entire night.
Was I out of line?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he doesn’t want to look like a useless jerk, he probably shouldn’t be a useless jerk.
“He said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this.”
“You should have been ok with me being misogynistic and demeaning to you in front of my coworkers. You should not have embarrassed me like I embarrassed you because my image is more important than your dignity”” someonessomebody
Another User Comments:
“So according to him, he’s allowed to embarrass and belittle you and your accomplishments in front of other people by lying, but you’re not allowed to embarrass him by refuting his lie? I don’t know why he would even try to pull that off, *especially* if he doesn’t actually do any housework!
NTJ, but you may want to consider having a serious talk with him about both his apparent insecurities and his lack of contribution to the household.” romantic_leviathan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I make twice what my husband does but I still do all the “housewife” duties – and he never once would dare make a sideways comment like that without expecting the exact thing thrown back at him.
Like. My husband literally makes comments all the time about how much more I make than him and he loves it because, honestly, he gets to do what he wants and we have enough disposable income and made life choices to where we both have a very comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle.
He is in the Army and I am in IT, so the disparity is large and if anyone tries to give him crap about it, he literally points out all the things he has/can do because of me. Because that’s what a relationship is.
And he’s very appreciative of the setup we have, as it seems your hubs should be too.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Scheduling My Wedding On A Date My Bridesmaid Couldn't Attend?
“My (28f) fiance Kyle (24m) and I got engaged earlier this year. After, we immediately started looking at venues. We found one venue that was perfect for us. It was reasonably priced and covered all aspects of the wedding except for the photographer so I would have little to plan.
The venue had a September date for this year that we wanted to pick since immediate family was on board and everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly.
I was texting my bridesmaids to let them know what was happening and one of them, Amber, said she had a music festival the weekend of the wedding and said I can’t pick that weekend.
The only other dates they had were either starting next year in March or in October and the October date falls on my late father’s birthday.
When I told her this she said “well, that just gives you more time to plan,” but the venue was covering practically everything planning-wise.
I went back and forth and after some long talks with family and friends, I went with the September date. I didn’t want to put my life on hold and delay buying a house and moving in with Kyle because Amber couldn’t attend.
When I told her, she told me she needed some time to think before she said something she would regret.
I ended up getting a text a week later saying she is upset and hurt but she hopes I am happy at my wedding. She has not been in contact with me since, despite me trying to reach out several times by call and text.
We have been friends since elementary and I am just wondering AITJ for scheduling a wedding even though I knew one of my friends couldn’t attend?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say no jerks here. She already had her event planned. I don’t think your wedding takes priority over her event.
People are saying she’s a jerk for not canceling a little party. But the festival can be expensive depending on which one. She probably already had everything planned out. Hotels, flights, and tickets aren’t cheap. They can cost several thousand dollars. She would probably lose a lot of money if she had to cancel.
I don’t know. If a friend put me in this position, I wouldn’t be mad. I probably would decline to go though. I had my thing planned before yours. Probably made plans with other friends to go as well. So if I go to the wedding I will still be ditching friends.
Screwed either way.” Leek5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You consulted the families and the people you wanted in your wedding party. You consulted them before you actually booked the venue. Amber was the only one who had a conflict with the date. I can understand that she didn’t want to miss either the wedding or the music festival. I can understand that she may have paid quite a lot for the ticket to the festival. However, she is being unreasonable.
It is your wedding, not hers. Don’t plan on having Amber as a bridesmaid. Pick someone else or reduce the size of the wedding party.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a feeling if Amber had a significant life event that conflicted with the date (say, god forbid, a parent’s funeral, urgent medical procedure, etc), you may have paused and given different dates more consideration.
A music festival is not such a significant life event (unless Amber is an alias for Beyoncé and the headliner of the festival, in which case she’s gotta be there). Amber made her choice and you aren’t upset over her choice. Don’t let her make you feel guilty for not scheduling your wedding around her FOMO fest. (Frankly, if I were Amber, I’d change plans to be there with my longtime pal, if we are close.
And, if it weren’t a close pal, would respectfully bow out of the wedding with lots of love and well wishes.) By the way—congratulations on your wedding and snagging a great deal that makes planning less stressful! Wishing you a joyous wedding day and a lifetime of love and happiness with your SO.” Fresh_Process6822
1. AITJ For Not Knowing If My Wedding Ring Diamond Is Natural Or Lab-Created?
“One of my friends who I will call Jane is getting engaged to her long-time partner who I’ll call John. Jane reached out to me asking for help looking for styles of rings she likes. I agreed to help her and we spent all day combing over different jewelry stories.
While we were shopping around, she asked me about my wedding set, I have a three-stone engagement ring. The center stone is a round 1/2 karat diamond with two sapphires on either side. My wedding band is diamond and sapphire as well. She asks where I got it from and I tell her it’s from Helzberg so we stop there and look around.
While we are in the store, she asks me if my diamond is natural or lab-created, I explained to her that I genuinely didn’t know and honestly I really didn’t care. It was a set my husband and I picked out together and I love it.
She keeps pressing asking me about how I couldn’t know what my ring was.
She then asks me about my husband’s wedding band as he also had diamonds and sapphires in his. I told her that again I didn’t know and honestly, he and I didn’t care what they were.
She blows up at me saying I’m “gatekeeping” my ring and didn’t want to actually help her and she storms off. I’m utterly confused about how I’m a jerk but I guess I could have looked at the website and I assume it would have told me what the stones were but I don’t see why it matters.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why does she care what ring you have? Aren’t wedding rings supposed to be extremely personal to the person wearing them? What you and your husband decided on might be completely different from her own preferences. Even if she wanted the same exact design as yours, she can simply ask the jewelers if they have something similar and find one that suits her tastes.” CrimsonPromise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one, Jane doesn’t know what ‘gatekeeping’ is. She has used it in a totally nonrelated situation. Jane clearly cares what kind of stone hers is going to be. By not knowing and worse, not caring what kind of stone you have, she feels you have defacto judged her for caring about hers.
Which is nonsense. Moreover, she likes your ring, but in the absence of information she feels is key, she finds herself unable to decide if she actually likes your ring or not. You probably would have found that had you said whatever she feels is the ‘wrong’ type of stone, you would have been on the receiving end of a passive-aggressive comment about why they are not as good as the ‘right’ kind.” Ok_Point7463
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend sounds like she cares more about the appearance and “bragging rights” of her engagement ring than the marriage. Frankly, I find it odd that she would be asking you for this level of detail, I feel that one should never ask too probing questions about someone’s engagement ring because it’s a very expensive and sentimental purchase.
Name of the jeweler and the cut of the stone is as much as anyone needs.” austenQ
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