People Challenge Our Views With These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Didn't Invite Me To A Wedding?
“My (27F) partner (28M) and I have been together for 8+ years, we bought a house and have a dog together. So my partner’s friend/colleague is getting married in a few months, I know the groom-t0-be but don’t really like him.
His cousin is a really good friend of mine.
The groom-to-be gave out his invites to colleagues and gave one to my partner and he said “You and your partner are invited and I can seat you next to my cousin since they are friends.” And my partner replied, “Oh no my partner is not coming, I’ll just come with friends/colleagues.”
When he came home he told me his colleague is getting married soon and he told him that I’m not coming. I asked him if he didn’t invite me and he told me what he told him.
I got mad and said he is acting single all the time, this is the 3rd wedding of a friend where he is attending alone.
He said I’m overreacting and it’s a work thing.
But the groom invited me! My partner could have asked me if I wanted to go, but that never crossed his mind at all. He argued that I don’t even like him.
So I told him that it’s normal for couples to go to weddings together and it has nothing to do with me not liking the groom.
The groom and bride are Turkish so they are used to inviting lots of people they don’t really know.”
Another User Comments:
“When you say “bought a house together”, I really hope you’re on all the paperwork. This is very suspicious behavior. Since your good friend will be there, have YOUR GOOD FRIEND keep on eye on him.
What is he doing? Why doesn’t he want you there? Why would he preemptively decide for you? If your friend were to ask him where you are, what would he say? Would he lie? Together for 8+ years, and this behavior is not okay.
You were invited as a couple, he decided for you. NTJ.” mxcmpsx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A work thing. (snort) Riiiiight. Your partner wants to get all dolled up and go to a big celebration without you —AGAIN— because it’s “a work thing.” No. He wants to party without you cramping his style.
It’s awkward to dirty dance with the maid of honor in front of your partner. You know why he’s acting single? Because he IS single. You have logged eight years with this dude and he doesn’t think you even qualify as his plus-one.
Wow.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ op you were invited so go. Find out the time and where it’s at and attend it. You don’t need your partner’s permission, you have the groom’s permission. Your partner doesn’t own you. Please talk to a lawyer about how to go about getting your things out of the house and the financials of breaking away from the ownership of the house.
Your partner is awful! Does he even like you?” coolbeenz68
20. AITJ For Giving My Unemployed Depressed Brother A Job Deadline?
“My (27F) brother (25M) had been laid off from his IT (developer) job towards the end of Feb. It was his fault…he didn’t complete the tasks assigned to him.
His manager gave him a warning and gave him 2 months to improve but he just didn’t work on it.
He told me as soon as he was fired and I asked him to come to my place in another city about 350 km away.
So that he could save up on rent and other expenses while he searches for another job. My husband was fine with it as well. Once he came here, apart from ordering out a couple of times a week for himself he doesn’t spend money on anything.
Most of time if we are ordering out, we cover his portion of food as well. We take him with us when we go shopping or out to the movies etc.
While checking with him in early March he mentioned that he was depressed so I got him in touch with my psychiatrist and he was prescribed antidepressants as well as asked to do a couple of things daily to get his body moving.
As all he does is sleep, eat, and watch videos/comics online. The doc suggested he get a job, any job according to his liking. One day he checked with 3 cafes for openings and that’s it.
It has been 5 months now and with him not doing anything around the house and not doing anything to find a job it’s been a little frustrating.
But then recently I learned that he has been lying to me for the past 3 years. He had my absolute trust and it feels like I can’t trust him again. This incident was also the one that broke the camel’s back.
I told him I’m tired of picking up after him and that he has until the end of August to find a job any job, it doesn’t matter.
It’s not like we can’t support him both my partner and I earn enough to be comfortable.
And it’s not like we don’t know what depression feels like. My partner and I are coping with ours and seeing him like this is pulling us down as well. I spoke to a few people who said I was the jerk for giving him a deadline and forcing him to get a job and others like my partner and parents are on my side.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did all you could to help him, but it seems like he doesn’t want to be helped and he is just taking advantage of you at this point because it’s more comfortable. The rule for me is to be there for someone who is struggling as long as they are working on improving… and it seems like your brother is not.
Since he is not trying to get better, he has no right to be leeching off you guys.” Darth_Hufflepuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (but sort of no jerks here too, I think). He’s freeloading, but it seems like it’s somewhat understandable given the info you’ve provided. He has to work on himself, on multiple fronts apparently.
If I could afford to have my brother live with me I would, provided he’s trying to work towards getting better. Just living there and doing nothing about it is the issue, so the deadline is reasonable.” matthewgrima
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done everything within your power to assist him, including getting him help for his depression. He does not seem willing to help himself and what you have is a grown jerk child living with you, with no end in sight.
You were absolutely correct to give him a deadline to get a job. Once he has a job, you should give him a deadline to move out too or you are going to be stuck with him as a responsibility forever.
He is not a child and not your responsibility, no matter how much you love him. Allowing him to stay and carry on with his current lifestyle is really only enabling him.” Various-Bridge-325
19. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Venue Despite My Cousin's Concerns About Homophobia In Dubai?
“My (27M) future wife (26F) and I are having our wedding in Dubai, it’s a small wedding and the guests are only friends and family with the significant others for those that have them.
She has a cousin (F23) who was coming to the wedding and wanted to bring her partner (F21), but after seeing the laws in Dubai she is worried if she shows her partner any intimacy she will get into trouble and would not be able to enjoy the wedding as much as she would always be looking over her shoulder when they are going around Dubai.
I told her she could come along with her partner and enjoy the wedding and holiday, they would just need to make sure they don’t do anything that could get them done by the local authorities. She has since started to moan that we should change venues and pick a country that is more accepting of her and her partner.
This is where I might be a jerk as I told her that her relationship is not my problem, and this wedding is not about her and if she can’t come then that’s no loss to me or my partner.
My partner does not want to change venues as this is our dream wedding and honeymoon combined.
Her friends and family have messaged me with rage about how I am discriminating against her and should be looking at accommodating her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your response. You are choosing to get married in a very homophobic, sexist country with insanely strict laws. That’s your choice but to tell her that her relationship is not your problem very much makes it sound like you think the relationship is a problem rather than the homophobia.
She has legit reasons for not wanting to go, and while she shouldn’t keep bringing it up you reacted like a jerk.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for a bunch of reasons. First off – you want to get married in Dubai.
Dubai sucks. The only people who want to go there are wannabe “influencers” who got suckered into thinking it’s a cool place because of all the celebs that UAE pays to hang out there. Seriously – last time I was in Dubai it was 120 degrees at 2:30 in the morning!
You are also the jerk because you asked a family member to risk arrest and then said it’ll be fine if you just pretend to be something you are not.” snufflz
Another User Comments:
“I am conflicted here. Kind of think it’s a bit of a jerk move to have a wedding in a country with laws that discriminate against your family.
Seems a bit selfish but hey it’s your “dream”. YTJ for the way you worded it but I guess NTJ for not changing venues. I may not agree with your choice but mostly because I believe weddings should be a family celebration not some selfish all about me day.
Two different perspectives, though. At the end of the day, I would NEVER ask someone to change their venue for me. Heck if I had an issue I would not come. So NTJ for your main question, but a bit on edge for the response.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Found His Biological Father Against Our Mother's Wishes?
“My brother, who was given up for adoption when I was two, is traveling over 1,500 miles to finally meet our mother.
He and I connected over social media about ten years ago, and considering the geographical distance mentioned above, we’ve still managed to form as deep of a relationship as the circumstances would allow as we have met and spent time together in person a handful of times and have texted and called throughout the years.
For all of these ten years we’ve known each other there has been a recurring quest of ours to seek out his biological father; for obvious reasons for him, and for myself as I was very attached to him when I was little when he was seeing my mother.
The only information about him Mom could really give us was that he was 17 years older than her (she was born in ’66), that he was a heavy drinker (so she suggested we check bars in the area where he used to live lol, that was fruitless), and a Vietnam Vet.
Countless times my brother and I scoured the internet for clues as to his whereabouts, always fearing that his heavy drinking combined with his advanced age may result in our finding him either gravely ill or deceased.
Now, as my brother is readying himself for this long journey to not only come meet our mother but to stay with her for an extended period of time in order to satisfy his need to reconnect with all of his biological family, I happened to FINALLY find his biological father on social media!!!
Immediately I told my mom and what she said put me in a really tough spot. She insisted that I wait to tell my brother until after he’d arrived to meet her and until she felt they’d gotten enough uninterrupted time together.
Then, she intended to control the situation by insisting that she would contact his father and speak to him before even telling him (her son) and that if they met she wanted to make sure that she was a part of their first meeting, and then if her son wanted to see his dad again after that, that would be fine by her.
The issue I found was that A – My brother and I are in our 30s, so we’re not children, and her “prohibition” on me telling him I’d found his bio-dad has nothing to do with a fear of safety or even emotional harm.
B – We have our own autonomous relationship which caused me to feel I owed my brother the truth that I’d found his bio-dad well and alive IMMEDIATELY, otherwise I would have been dishonest for withholding very important information, and C – What if something were to happen to his bio-dad and my brother got robbed of the chance to connect with him?
So, with my mom, there was no wiggle room I tried to advocate for my brother’s wishes to know that his dad had been found and she still insisted I comply with her demands. But I didn’t. I called my brother and I told him.
AITJ!??!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother has every right to know and reconnect with his father, so good on you for telling him. Also good on you for discovering this information. As for your mother, she has no right in demanding you withhold this important information.
From the sounds of it, she doesn’t want him to find out until he either flies back home after the visit or it’s too late to meet him, both of which aren’t her choice.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“I hate to say this but your mom’s explanation is odd. She didn’t give you a legitimate reason for wanting to control the circumstances surrounding your brother’s introduction to his bio-dad. It sounds to me as though she’s afraid of what his bio-dad might say to your brother.
If this is true, it’s most likely a good thing you told your brother because he’s more likely to get the truth and he deserves that. NTJ.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! You’re right that you needed to tell your brother this information right away to preserve your relationship with him.
Your mother is clearly feeling anxious about your brother meeting his biological father, and she’s also likely very anxious about meeting the son she gave up for adoption. Her response to that anxiety is an attempt to control every aspect of their meeting.
But she has no right to do so. Your brother is an adult, and it should be his choice how and when to go about contacting and possibly meeting his biological father. And your mother needs to stay out of it.
If she hopes to form a relationship with your brother, she needs to be open and vulnerable to answer any questions he may have and to accept the consequences of her decision long ago to give up her child for adoption.
No matter what her reasons were for making that decision, it had lifelong consequences for all of you.” puppyfarts99
17. AITJ For Telling My Partner That My Ex Was At A Family Gathering?
“My family does not like my partner (26) so he doesn’t come to family gatherings with me, and he and my family do not speak to each other. I (F21) do not force him to come to family gatherings as I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.
I know he doesn’t like my family for all the problems they create for us.
There is a prayer that my family does and I went so my family does not create more drama about me not attending family gatherings.
While I was at my dad’s house, my ex, who is still friends with my siblings, was there. I did not speak to him or make any contact with him. When I got home I told my partner that my ex was there and my partner lost his temper telling me that I’m a woman of loose morals and so on.
I told him multiple times that nothing happened… and I swear on my life nothing did happen…I didn’t talk to my ex, or even greet him…there was absolutely no contact between us. My partner still got mad because he didn’t believe me.
The reason I told my partner that the ex was there is because I have nothing to hide…I tell my partner everything. I knew he would be mad at the fact that my ex was there. Although I understand his reaction, Was I wrong for telling him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I understand by reading the comments, your family thinks that he is a control freak. Judging by the way he reacted to this situation, it definitely sounds like he is one. You say that he made you feel bad, even though you know that you didn’t do anything wrong.
That’s definitely a sign that he is controlling. If you know that you did nothing wrong, be confident, and don’t let him tell you otherwise! Please watch out for this!” LinceDorado
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are three issues at play here: 1) Your partner has a victim’s mentality.
Every victim needs a villain. In this case, the villains are your family. Let that sink in. 2) You’re too young to realize that you’re being manipulated. Your partner’s actions are exactly what abusers do. You’ve convinced yourself that you should tolerate disrespect and abuse.
This will go on for as long as you allow it to. He’s been an adult for over twice as long as you have. He has a lot more experience and it shows – but it seems from your comments throughout this thread as though you’re going to need more than advice from strangers on the internet to see this for what it is and not for what you want it to be.
3) The two of you are not compatible. When it comes to LTRs, families become part of the equation and you have to integrate and make at least a little effort even if you’re not one another’s favorite people. It’s just how it works – so unless your family is completely toxic his refusal to interact with them at all is completely unacceptable.” Moxie_Mike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With his reaction, there would be no “right” answer. You either didn’t tell him about the ex being there and he calls you a liar later on, or you tell him and you’re a woman of loose morals???
Your partner is VERY insecure, and maybe it’s due to your family disliking him or it’s due to his own issues. Either way, he had no right to talk to you like that. (your family is also wrong to be unfriendly to your partner, but without more info, I can’t say if they see something in him that they don’t like in regards to you or they don’t like that he ‘takes you away.’) Right now your problem is your partner’s reaction.
Tell him that he had no right to call you that because you had nothing to hide and all that happened was completely platonic and that it’s his behavior that is in the wrong.” AkatorSkullz6908
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Babysit After They Neglected My Toddler's Safety?
“My husband and I have a 1.5-year-old. Tonight we agreed to have my husband’s mother watch the baby while we go to dinner for about two hours. When we got back, his mother informed us that our toddler ran out the door while she went outside to her car to get something.
I have told her in the past to put the baby in the crib if she needs to step outside and she is never to take him outside. We live right across from a busy road and the kid can run pretty fast. I was immediately infuriated when told this, especially since she said it so casually and laughed. My mother-in-law said she left the door open in case she got locked out, but didn’t even bother making sure the baby was in the living room behind the baby gate.
This isn’t the first time my husband’s parents have caused me to mistrust them and their babysitting skills. His mother put me through heck during pregnancy and said nasty things about me to my husband because I wouldn’t let her visit my three-day-old son during the flu season.
I’ve never liked his parents but I put my feelings aside because it’s important to my husband that they see our child.
But I feel like I just can no longer trust them to babysit at all. Our kid could have died. He was less than ten feet away from the road before my mother-in-law noticed. I feel like this was just ignorant negligence.
Nothing happened, but it shouldn’t have even been a possibility.
I no longer wish to have his parents watch our child, but my husband thinks I’m being extreme and vindictive. I’ve always been reluctant to let them babysit because of past experiences and well frankly, in my opinion, they’re careless and lack common sense, but I still include them in my child’s life because I wouldn’t want to deny them or my husband that.
My husband has a sister-in-law and cousin who both have tons of babysitting experience but my husband never likes the idea of them babysitting because he would rather have his 70-year-old physically impaired folks watch our child. I don’t trust that my child is safe with them.
If my own mother let this happen, I would feel the same way.
How can I relax and enjoy dinner when I’m wondering if my child is okay or if he’s splattered on the road because grandma needed a tic tac from the car?
Am I the jerk here? It’s not like I’m forbidding them from seeing their grandchild, just from endangering his life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re both the parent and the mother of this child. Give your husband something of his favorite hobby that he has to build and nurture for 9 months (car, toolset, instrument, etc), and then see how he would like it if your parents let it almost get destroyed. He wouldn’t like that at all.
It’s also not like you’re going NC with his parents just not allowing them to babysit. Which is fairly reasonable. Why doesn’t your husband trust his family with babysitting experience over his parents? Because his parents raised him just fine so why not their grandchild too?” SkullKidAtlas9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, most people agree that we can tell “White Lies” about small things to protect people’s feelings. State your decision to your husband matter of fact using I statements like “I feel more at ease when sister-in-law or cousin can babysit.
I feel anxious when your parents babysit since they let the toddler run out the door near the busy road. We can invite your parents over to spend time with the toddler when at least one of us is home.
When we want to go somewhere without the toddler we can schedule with sister-in-law or cousin or other trusted person. If you ask your parents to babysit and schedule something for us both like dinner/vacation I will not go out and will schedule sister-in-law or cousin instead.
If you do that it might result in hurting your parents’ feelings when they find out they are not babysitting by themselves. If you do that you will be violating my trust and being manipulative. I do not want to be married to someone I don’t trust or who is manipulative.
I will not let my child be around someone I don’t trust or who is manipulative. Are you on board with this to stay married and keep our child safe?”” commenttoconsider
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I’d have more sympathy for the ILs if the MIL didn’t laugh when she told OP, or try to justify it.
I agree that tragically these things can happen, even to the most well-meaning people and parents. I remember seeing a video of a toddler who was found wandering the streets by some teens on bikes, they contacted the police and they were able to reunite the little one with their mother.
The mother had been exhausted and fell asleep, unaware that her front door was unlocked. She was so terrified and heartbroken when the police knocked on her door and gave her child back because she couldn’t believe she had done such a thing.
If something had happened to that kid, it really would have been a tragic accident, and the mother clearly understood the gravity of the situation and I’m sure from that moment would never leave her door unlocked again. The difference in this case is that the MIL truly just doesn’t seem to think what happened was a big deal. For that reason, I can definitely see why she shouldn’t be trusted to babysit.
It’d be one thing if it was a mistake that scared her and made her realize she needed to take better precautions, but it’s another when she doesn’t admit it was a mistake. You can’t correct a mistake until you admit a mistake was made.” CrimsonKnight_004
15. AITJ For Choosing My Sister As My Best Person And Not Inviting My Underage Brother To My Bachelor Party?
“My (23m) partner (25M) recently proposed. I’m super excited and jumped straight away to ask my sister (21f) to be my best person/woman. She was the person I first came out to, we shared a lousy childhood because of our fathers which our other siblings never experienced and that has always made us close.
My brother (16m) is upset. He thought he would get to be the best man and he’s also upset he won’t be able to come to any bachelor party. He keeps saying that it shouldn’t be my sister since she’s not a guy, my mum seems to think he’s right and insists on keeping it traditional to not cause any drama.
I kind of lost it saying it’s not a traditional wedding in the first place and that she’s a hypocrite since I was the one to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day to my stepdad. Now they’re pestering me to at least let him come to any bachelor I have, I keep telling them no since the bachelor party I want will definitely not be his kind of thing and there will be booze and inebriated adults there.
They seem to think I’m trying to exclude him from my wedding even though I’ve asked him to be a groom’s person.
AITJ? Should I include my brother more?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s pretty ironic that your family is being sexist about having a female “best man” at a gay wedding.
It’s your wedding, your day, and you get to decide who is in your bridal (for lack of a better term) party. You don’t even have to invite your little brother to your wedding, let alone have him be a groomsman/best man.
(Though not inviting him would be a jerk move) You only have one bachelor party in your life (hopefully), it should be the one you really want. Don’t let him come. Not your fault he’s underage. NTJ, and best wishes on your wedding and marriage.” Netflickingthebean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s the jerk in so many ways, including thinking she can dictate your wedding party, and the idea that there’s such a thing as a “traditional” same-sex wedding. Your brother is not a jerk, he’s just a kid who wants to be your favorite and looks up to you, but doesn’t get that the bachelor party might not be right for him, nor the responsibilities involved with being the best man.
That said, if you’re close with him at all, it might be a kindness to have a second bachelor party he can attend (or even plan), and to make him another groomsman with some special role, such as carrying the rings, or walking your parents down the aisle.” AceyAceyAcey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding. You choose the person that you feel will best support you. You choose the person you are the closest and most comfortable. The person you trust most. The person that has always been, and will always be, there for you.
The person who will share and celebrate your happiness. I don’t know what the laws are where you live. 16 is young to be at an adult event like a bachelor party. Does your brother understand the responsibilities of the role of a best person?
As an entitled 16 year old he is fixated on gender and the prospect of an adult party. By all means, include your brother in a role that is suitable for him. But not the party. Best wishes and congratulations!” mrslII
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Wants To Use Her Grandparents' Last Name For Her Doctorate?
“My (27M) wife (26F) and I have been together 10 years. I have always supported her in what she wanted to do in life. Her mental health, career choices, and changes, and especially her school.
She is currently in her last semester for her BA in psychology. It’s been difficult for us, but she has gotten almost straight As the last 5 years of college. She starts her master’s program next year.
When it comes to getting her doctorate, she wants to use her grandparents’ last name and not our last name.
We’ve been married 3 years now and it’s not like I have a strange last name. But she feels like it’s MY last name and not hers. She feels like her maiden name is her father’s last name and not hers either.
So she wants to use her grandparents’ last name, which is also her middle name.
We haven’t argued or fought about it, but I told her I’m bummed out that she won’t use our last name since we are married. I’ve supported her since she started going to college at 18.
I’ve helped pay for school, gone with her to school-related meetings, picked up and paid for school supplies, stayed up late with her while she did homework, and got her food during study sessions. I pay 100% of our bills so she can go to school full-time.
Again, I’m not mad she wants to use her grandparents’ name, I’m just a little upset. Ultimately it’s her decision, but I feel like I might be in the wrong for disagreeing with her. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Listen, you don’t know what it feels like to be asked to give up an aspect of your identity because you’ve never been put in the position where it is socially expected of you to change your last name to your wife’s.
You’re never going to feel that lack of autonomy and that loss of identity, and women who feel this way often choose not to take their husband’s last name. It’s not an insult to you, it is a need on her part to keep core pieces of herself intact.
And I understand you supported her throughout her medical education, but that doesn’t entitle you to credit for her accomplishments. Which is what you are implying here. Were you a good partner who supported your partner and their dreams?
Yes, and that’s awesome. Does that support mean that her doctorate is partially earned by you? No, and it’s pretty rude to insinuate such. YTJ let your wife be the person she wants to be, and quit taking it as a personal attack.” Legitimate_Essay_221
Another User Comments:
“From a professional perspective: it is not a bad idea to have a different last name. If she does research/has a paper published with her married name and you guys get divorced, she may have a difficult time getting it changed in the paper and she might “lose” that piece in her credentials.
My friend had something similar happen. She did manage to get them to change her name in the end but they fought her on it. To be honest, I think the only reason she was able to get it changed was because the article was only published a year before the change.
I know it is common for women to change their name after marriage and it should be an easy thing “oh that’s my married name” but people in research want to be easily identified. They aren’t always going to know Mary Smith is also Mary Thomas.
Some people dedicate their lives to one research topic so having it under one name makes it easier. With that being said, I don’t think anyone wants to divorce, but when you spend a lot of time getting something, you don’t want it taken away.
No jerks here. Maybe talk about it a little more with her.” mexibella255
Another User Comments:
“My 2 cents as someone who will likely legally change her name to her great-grandparents’. It’s about self-determination, especially in the female perspective of having a man’s last name from birth and it being still a “thing” to take a husband’s last name.
I don’t want my father’s name anymore because my father is an awful narcissist who emotionally abused me. I don’t want to take my partner’s name, for one because my FIL is not a good person BUT ALSO because I want my own name and simply not take another man’s name.
I want my great-grandparents’ last name, it’s a great name – and my great-grandfather was a brave man – I’ve never met him. But his wife, my great-grandma, had a tough life but was an amazing, strong lady who in her 80s traveled the world for 6 months (with a nephew) and eventually declined after a hip fracture tied her to the bed at 96.
She has climbed a ladder to clean the very high-up windows in her old Berlin house! She wouldn’t have needed to… I have fond memories of her, so for me, it feels right. Anyhow. It’s meaningful to pick a name that’s yours – feels like YOURS.
Especially when it comes from someone with a difficult background and relationship with your father. It’s a matter of identity and it’s fine to be bummed out, but please let her have it and know it’s not a rejection of you.
YTJ but not really, it’s ok you’re bummed out.” mia_farrah
13. AITJ For Hating My Brother Because Of His Uncontrollable Tantrums?
“I’m a 14-year-old male who has never, ever liked my disabled 16-year-old brother. For some backstory, my 16-year-old brother contracted Meningitis B at a young age and miraculously, he survived. But ever since I was 3, I’ve always hated him.
He always threw these tantrums and cried like a baby when you upset him. I never knew why until I was 12, and what I found out was that… that was just the way he was. I know what you may be thinking.
“By the title, you’re already bad!” But there’s more to what I have to say.
Over the years, these tantrums kept getting worse, and worse, and worse. By this, I mean on another level. Throwing things such as the family Alexa, breaking things, ripping pages out of my piano books, and scratching people (I have a scar on my shoulder because he scratched me).
He even started having these tantrums in public, and trust me. It’s embarrassing when you have a 16-year-old brother crying and flailing his hands around like some kind of deformed zombie. Everybody always looks at us. And in fact, today, he trapped my little brother and me inside my dad’s bedroom for no apparent reason.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I have worked with a lot of clients with similar behaviours to your brother and I do understand that it can be very hard on the parents and siblings. However, it is not their fault nor is it your parents’ fault that his behaviour is not what could be considered ‘normal’.
I do think your parents should look into seeing if he could be assisted better in a supported living home or even a special boarding school. I don’t think you really hate him, I think you hate his behaviour and I can fully understand that but it is not his fault.
I think you should speak to your parents and say you are scared that his behaviour is not safe for your younger brother (or you). If they are unwilling to listen, then I would advise speaking to another member of the family or even a trusted teacher as they can then approach your parents with your concerns.” OwnedByACrazyCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not hate your brother but your parents. Your brother is innocent in this… your parents suck. 1. They didn’t really inform you as a small child. 12 is much too late. 2. They let him abuse you and your family.
They need to get more resources or care. This can get very dangerous when he gets older. Imagine a 30-year-old having such a tantrum. Of course he can’t control it but so your parents need more support and maybe at some point his living situation has to change to for example a group home.
3. They don’t support you. It seems they concentrate on him. No therapy for you. Not sure if you have one-on-one time with them. They don’t protect you and they let the situation escalate to a point where you feel hate.
Make sure they do not expect you to care for him in the long run.” Remote-Equipment-340
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like he hasn’t developed as much as you have, probably because of a completely different upbringing. I think your parent/s will have struggled to give him the right rules and boundaries and he may simply be mentally less mature.
I’m not sure how disabled he is but it can really prevent people from maturing, socialising and learning how to get on with people. I think you may feel hate because he’s taken so much time and effort from your parents and family members, and you’ve all had to give extra to him.
So it’s probably not really hate, though it might feel like it. It’s probably built up frustration over the years, it’s a lot for everybody to cope with. Perhaps, somebody should have been checking on how you have felt about it over the years and tried to make sure you get quality time by yourself and your parents, things like that.
You are around the age where siblings do still feel a kind of hate (not all of course just many) and it kind of calms down at around 16 when you can start to see that we aren’t the same and we do have different needs.
I really hope you can find someone to talk to about how it affects you because it does. There’s no point pretending things like that don’t affect a family. You do have a right to say how it’s feeling for you and that you are struggling with it.
Maybe you could do with a break, or a treat, or just basically opening up about it. I wouldn’t use the word hate for this kind of talk, I would say you are just finding it hard, or feeling frustrated, and at times embarrassed. It makes total sense, at your age, pretty much everything is embarrassing I’m sorry to say.
Things will change quickly over the next couple of years for you I’m sure.” islaisla
12. AITJ For Wanting To Split The Vacation Grocery Bill Per Person Instead Of By Family?
“I’m about to go on a vacation with my siblings, our kids, and my dad and stepmom. We got a big house for all of us to stay and just put in a grocery order to have some food at the house so we don’t need to eat out the whole time.
We agreed to split the grocery bill.
There are 17 of us and the family split up is 1 – Me, my husband, our daughter (3 people); 2 – my sister, her husband, their daughter (3 people); 3 – my brother, his partner, and their combined five children (7 people); 4 – my dad and stepmom (2 people); 5 – my stepsister and her son (2 people).
Whenever we do things together, we always end up splitting things by family (5 ways). The house we’re staying at, for example, was split 5 ways – each family paying the same portion.
However, I find it completely unfair for us to split the grocery bill 5 ways.
I think it should be split per person, i.e., myself paying 3/17 of the amount, as there are three people in my immediate family. Whereas my brother should pay 7/17 of the amount, as he’s feeding more people.
We never split that way.
But, money is super tight for this vacation, so will I be the jerk for suggesting we pay for food per person?”
Another User Comments:
“Nothing ruins a vacation faster than having a grocery bill jerk showing up. You agreed at least to split the first one, so split it.
If you want to go from there to everyone just buying their own groceries – which is essentially what you are saying, then fine. But then Billy has one of Jimmy’s bottles of Hawaiian Punch, and somebody has a slice of someone else’s chocolate cream pie, and then what do you do?
If you want a vacation, split by family. If you want stress and drama, then bring along a cameraman to film it all. You might be able to sell the footage to FOX. NTJ if you avoid walking down the road to perdition.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, this sort of thing should be discussed between vacations, not right before one. Choose a time when there is no pressure to decide anything soon. Then raise the issue. Before raising the issue, try to get a feel for what other people think.
First off, your brother is benefitting a great deal from this, so obviously he will resent you for bringing it up. He may have allies. Other family members may be happy to help him out. This means you might meet more resistance than you think.
Know what you’re getting into before you start anything.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“I think you are opening a huge can of worms. If you don’t want to pay for any more than your share of food then you buy your own food and let everyone else continue the split.
My reasoning is that splitting by person is not necessarily any fairer than splitting by family because a family of seven can eat the same cost as a family of 3 depending on what type of food they consume, the ages of everyone (5 young children together couldn’t out eat me as a teen), the appetites of everyone (my husband is 6’3 gym junkie) and whether take out is also involved. The only guaranteed fair way is for everyone to pay for themselves and their family or you record what everyone wants and then get out the calculator.
Any split either by person or family is going to be unfair to someone. I don’t think 7/17 is fair anymore than I think 1/5 is fair. If you want fair buy your own groceries separately and explain money is tight. I’d also add that your percentage of the total would only reduce from 20 to 18.
So if the total bill was $1,000 you only save $20. Add to this the fact that a family of 3 doesn’t have bulk buying power alone where a family of 7 always does and I’d consider the token 2% extra your current split requires you to pay vs the one you want to propose as an investment in being able to access bulk buy discounts.” throwAWweddingwoe
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite A Disruptive Friend To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I are getting married (!) and recently had a formal engagement party at an elegant venue. Etiquette says that if you invite someone to your engagement party you’re supposed to invite them to your wedding.
However…
One close friend has exceedingly bad manners and while we both love him, he embarrassed us multiple times at the engagement party and we’re worried about the wedding.
Things like helping himself to food off other peoples’ plates, running up and grabbing the microphone as I was getting up to make a speech, and saying “yo listen up you’re all about to hear a darn speech (thank goodness it was off),” asking our professional friends how much they make, swearing loudly around very conservative religious family members, etc. He also asked my fiancé if he could be in his wedding party when we first got engaged. Also, he asked if he could crash at our place during the engagement party week.
Both politely declined.
He lives across the world and we appreciated him making the trip but kind of want to ghost on an invite to the wedding itself. Other friends we’ve consulted called us snobby and bad friends and rude for inviting to one but not the other.
So would we be the jerks if we don’t invite him?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk only if you don’t tell him why you’re not inviting him. He’ll never change how he acts if he doesn’t know he’s a problem.
Even if you’ve already spoken to him about his behavior, or you know others have, he should know that this is a direct consequence of his actions. That rule of etiquette is just so you don’t try to get lots of engagement gifts from people you have no intention of inviting to the wedding.
It’s permissible to not invite a guest at the engagement party to the wedding for a good reason that’s learned of, or happened after the engagement party, which is basically your situation. Inviting him, knowing he’d be disruptive, would be putting your other guests in an uncomfortable situation, which is a huge breach of etiquette.” Cultural-Ambition449
Another User Comments:
“Have you considered speaking with him about it and how you would expect him to behave at your wedding and how his behavior has upset you and would upset you if he behaves the same way at your wedding?
He may have been too ‘excited’ to be with you and was not mindful of his behavior. If he does not agree to your request then I don’t think you will be the jerk to uninvite him. I totally understand how you feel to want to have a perfect wedding and I hope your friend does too.” MarsupialDizzy672
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Have you brought this up with the guest after the engagement party? Like talked to him about the behavior and how it made both of you uncomfortable? I think that is a necessary first step before just not inviting him.
Also, did you get complaints from your other guests about the behavior? Did he make others uncomfortable too or actually upset the people you are worried about him upsetting? If so, that is also important information to share with him when you discuss your concerns for the wedding.
Maybe he just doesn’t have experience in that type of venue, there is a difference in culture, or he was too excited about the open bar? No matter why, you both could benefit from sharing your feelings and being curious about the other’s.” LikeATortoiseRising
10. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Friends For Leaving Me To Guard Their Stuff For Hours?
“My friends and I (20F) regularly get together for study sessions. This was right before a midterm so we were all stressed. We attend a university where the culture is very big on studying, so it’s hard to get a spot at the library because seats fill up so fast.
My friend Jon (M28) was already at the library and texted me to come quickly because people were eyeing the seats he had saved. I had gotten in trouble with him before for being slow so I ran to the library from my house and was sweating when I got there.
Not that important but relevant: Jon had an ambiguous crush on my other friend Jane (F21). Jane walks in half an hour after me, makeup and hair done, and Jon is really happy to see her even though she is late.
In the middle of studying Jane gets a call from her parents or AT&T (not sure) saying there is a problem with her phone line. She gets super stressed out about it and since the library is loud (it’s a talking floor) she goes home with Jon, who goes with her for emotional support, to take the call and deal with it.
They said they would be right back. This was around 3 pm.
I agreed to watch their stuff since I was already there and they said they would be quick. I had to pee so badly but I stayed at the table.
The last time I went to the bathroom while watching Jon’s stuff he yelled at me because things “can get stolen in a moment”. He is also older so I listen to him in general. I didn’t text them because I thought they would be back anytime now.
At 8 pm they roll in laughing and talking, with boba in their hands. I see them, pack my stuff, and storm off. Jane messages me asking me why I’m mad and a few days later I confront her in person.
She says it’s all my fault, I could have texted and peed, and I could have left whenever I wanted (even though I know Jon would NOT have liked that). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you only have a go at Jane?
Why are you in awe of Jon? He’s nice to you when Jane isn’t there? He berates you to hurry/don’t be late/don’t leave my stuff unattended? Why would you put yourself in a situation of waiting 5 hours without contacting them and telling them you were leaving or having a toilet break?
Jon and Jane are both taking advantage, find new friends who aren’t such jerks.” tigerz0973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re a jerk to yourself. She’s right, you could have texted, called, gone to the bathroom, left their things, etc etc..
you didn’t, and it resulted in a 5hour wait.. for what? They don’t have you in consideration AT ALL. Stop listening to Jon, running and watching things for him, he’s too controlling and definitely taking advantage of you. Take this as a wake-up call, make them respect you and your time by respecting yourself.
Or just drop them altogether.” 88just_wondering
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you NEED to grow a backbone. You needed to text them after the first 15 minutes and should have left 15 minutes after that because their stuff isn’t your responsibility!
If he is so concerned about his stuff he needs to take care of it better. You don’t speak up for yourself, that’s not respecting your elders! Your parents may financially support you, Jon doesn’t. You aren’t respecting him, you either have a crush on him because ‘he treats you well when others aren’t around’ and walks you home OR you are intimidated the heck by him, I can’t decide which to be honest.” Marmar0128
9. AITJ For Switching Companies And Taking A Major Client With Me, Impacting My Friend's Career?
“I work with someone who is weirdly devoted to our old company. He worked there for 7 years with minimal raises and we make around 70k which is low for senior database admin.
We work for a small consulting company but our biggest client has been using us to host and manage their databases for ages.
I maintained good relationships with that client and was sick of how my company treated me. It was hard to take a vacation, they expected you to answer emails 24×7 and they would give you more and more responsibilities with zero raise.
I left a few months ago and went back to that client and let them know I’m working for a new company. They were interested in moving since I’d worked on their systems for years but so had my friend but I maintained the client relationship more.
They eventually changed companies and I got a huge bonus.
I’m also treated much better there 6 weeks of vacation where as I used to get 2 weeks and I can WFH and make 110k now. My old friend is angry because he also worked on the same database for years even more senior than me and feels like I stole their client.
Legally I never signed anything saying I couldn’t approach old clients but it has cost my friend his career since he got put on another smaller project that he doesn’t want to be on and he’s probably not going anywhere with it.
I offered him a job since we could get him working with the same client again and at a higher wage but he declined because he doesn’t believe in switching companies. I think it’s insane he wouldn’t go for more money and a better working environment and highlighted all the benefits of moving to my new company but he turned it down saying he didn’t want to “betray” the boss.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, though I’m not sure about the legalities involved. You apparently did not have a noncompete contract in place, though a case could perhaps be made for using privileged company information to your own advantage.
In any case, it’s unlikely that your former boss would pursue this, even if it were a legitimate suit. Your friend is not out of a job, correct? I can understand his distress at the boat getting rocked, but surely you can’t be expected to go against your own best interests to maintain his status quo.” ProbablyLongComment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – employees are hot commodities, treat them right and they’ll stay. You took a better opportunity for yourself. I’m surprised there was no clause in your contract to not approach clients…that’s shocking. So maybe a little sneaky to do that, but again, a better company would have protected themselves.
Your friend not wanting to leave is his own problem…staying with a sinking ship is not something he has to do, but is choosing it.” notquiteright519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people think work should be painful. I mean, yeah, work is hard and it’s not always going to be what we like doing, but some people think it should be actively HARD on them all the time.
They buy into the dysfunctional idea of your work being “family”. It’s business. And in business, each entity (worker, company, client, etc) has to make the decisions that best align with their goals and values. That’s what you did.
And that’s what your coworker did. Same for that client. If your old company didn’t want to have a big fish get away, they should have spent time on the client relationship. If they don’t want talent to leave, they have to keep talent happy.
No talent and no clients means no business. Thems the breaks.” kevwelch
8. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Friends And Family Over Their Insensitive Jokes About His Medical Career?
“My partner did graduate from medical school. However, he didn’t match into a residency program for 2 years in a row. For the uninitiated without doing a residency, you can’t become a practicing doctor.
This is the case for my partner. He has a medical degree but he isn’t a doctor or licensed to practice medicine.
I met him after all this happened but I know it was devastating. He started going to therapy to deal with the devastation.
He started being social again and going out in the world instead of wallowing. But even though it’s been a few years he is still sad about it. He has good days and some bad. I can’t imagine what it was like but I try to support him however possible.
He works in the education sector now. I have heard more than one of his relatives and supposed friends throw out the line “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach” as a joke or an attempt at humor. My partner isn’t a robot.
He can laugh at things and be humorous. But this is a sore spot. I’ve also heard different relatives bring up that he isn’t a doctor and what happened with that. They think they are being lighthearted but my partner still is hurt by it.
None of his relatives or friends have any education beyond high school themselves (no shade because neither do I) and he is still more educated and earns more than any of them. According to my partner, they were supportive and happy when he was going to medical school and the tide only changed after he failed to match.
His relatives say this and same with his friends say it’s not for me to be concerned about because I’m his partner, and it’s between him and them. All of the ones I confronted were unhappy about it when I did.
I’m just sick of it. It’s not funny. It seems like kicking him when he is down. He is in therapy. However, he is still sad about losing his dream and he is just resigned whenever anyone jokes or brings it up.
Should I really have just stayed out of it and kept my mouth shut since it’s not directed at or involving me? The ones I confronted are against me and it’s led to fighting. My partner said no one has stood up for him but I don’t need to bother.
He’s resigned to the comments, jokes, and teasing.
I think it is classless and tacky myself.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, WHAT? No, NTJ. It seems to me that the only reason they were supportive of him when he was in medical school was so they could get on his good side so they could use him when they needed him.
Now that he didn’t match, he’s worthless to them apparently. He needs better friends and his family should’ve been more supportive. Trying to make things lighthearted at the expense of someone is bullying. Sometimes people forget that relationships progress and the right partner who truly cares and supports can become a lifelong partner.
You’re standing up for him so no, I don’t think you’re overstepping.” KukkiCookie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, what an absolutely trashy group of family and “friends.” They are happy he didn’t succeed. They are taking pleasure in his pain.
They like that he didn’t achieve his goal. They sound like the kind of people who are proud of their own ignorance and lack of education. The kind who think that people who have aspirations are stuck up for wanting something more.
They probably watch those videos where stupid cruel people do unkind and unfunny things to others, and call it “pranking.” Your heart is in the right place, but unfortunately, You Can’t Fix Stupid. Myself, I’d probably respond to the mean jokes by saying, “You’re a dismal failure as a comedian,” then smile real big and say, “Hey, it’s just a joke!
We’re all joking here, right? Amirite?”” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. As a medical student, my heart goes out to your partner. I would be crushed if my friends and family made light of something like that. People who aren’t familiar with medical education may think that residency is guaranteed after graduating from medical school.
This is (unfortunately) not true. Many smart and capable students go unmatched every year. It can happen to anyone. If his relatives and friends knew how difficult medical school/match process is, they wouldn’t be making these “jokes.” I think it’s great that you’re standing up for him!
I know I would be thankful to have a partner like you in my corner if I were in his shoes, so I don’t see anything wrong with what you did unless your partner has a problem with it. I wish him the best!
He’s still an M.D. and that alone is an amazing accomplishment that he should be proud of!” humerusQT
7. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out A Man Who Left A Public Toilet Dirty?
“I was in a big shopping mall in my country. It’s called Plus City, it’s in Austria, and I was heading to the toilet and was waiting because there were like 8 toilets and all were full. Then I got in the first one when it became free, only to see that the person didn’t flush at all and there were poop stains all over the toilet, all the way up to the seat.
There is no way he didn’t see it. There is no way, because he didn’t close the cover as well so he was fully aware of what he was doing, and obviously no shame at all because he saw that I was entering the toilet and didn’t mind.
I headed outside the toilet into the shopping mall (the dude was maybe like 10 or 20 feet away from where the entrance to the toilet was, which also makes it questionable if he even washed his hands) and it was really busy.
Like there were at least 30 to 40 people around who heard what I said.
He didn’t see me coming from behind and I didn’t intend to catch up even more to him so I just shouted (pretty loud to be honest) what would translate to English like “Next time you crap in a public toilet clean up your freaking mess, you disgusting piece of crap.”
At this moment I realized the mall was getting a bit quieter and there was almost like an awkward silence. The person didn’t say anything but turned around to me and basically killed me with his eyes. After that, he was just hastily making his way out of the center of the mall.
People were giving me a really serious look but I was mad as heck that it is too much to ask to leave a toilet in a reasonable state. His poop smelled so bad that I almost puked and the thought that a person could be so egocentric to leave like that made me explode.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened one time at my place of work. There’s a male and female washroom available to customers. A lady had gone in, and come out. I unfortunately went to use it after her. Poo on the floor.
Poo on the walls. Poo on the sink. All over the toilet. Wish I had had the courage to confront her but at the time I figured she must have some sort of disability.” Necessary_Habit_6642
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The other day my sister and I were waiting in line to use the women’s restrooms with our daughters. Both the women’s and men’s restrooms were single toilet restrooms meaning only one person could be in there at a time.
Well, a man steps out of the women’s restroom. This isn’t a big deal, I’ve used men’s restrooms when they’re single toilet. I didn’t think too much of it. We all pile into the bathroom because we don’t mind peeing in front of our toddlers and each other.
Before my niece sits down my sister exclaims “That person didn’t put the seat down and went all over the toilet and floor.” And he did! She opened the door to chase him down but he was gone. It’s disgusting and honestly, I don’t care what gender you are, leave the space the same as you found it and always put the seat and lid down.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I encounter this disgusting sight at many public toilets and wish I had your courage to speak out against it. I sincerely believe that leaving toilets in a poor condition should be considered vandalism and people who do this should be arrested and fined.” majesticjewnicorn
6. AITJ For Firing The Nanny My Husband Hired Without My Consent?
“My husband hired a nanny to help him with our son because we weren’t living together.
When I moved back home, she continued working for him.
She only listens to him and honestly, I feel like she treats me like a child too and I’m 90% sure she tells him everything I’m doing when he’s not home.
Since things were rocky with my husband, I didn’t try to push too much in the beginning but I finally reached my breaking point.
I want to be more involved in the care of my son because I honestly feel pushed out by her.
So, I woke up early to get him ready for the day and to feed him breakfast myself for once as a start to doing just that. The nanny kept insisting I go downstairs because my husband was waiting for me and wouldn’t stop being pushy when I said no. She kept saying he would be upset with me if I left him waiting any longer and that she was more than capable of getting my son ready.
I finally lost my temper when she told me my husband didn’t want me in here and he would be upset if he found out.
I did yell at her when I told her I didn’t care what he wanted, I didn’t want her here or around my son, and that she was fired. My husband ended up walking in midway through my angry rant and told her she could go for a break.
He never said anything to me all day long about it but when he finally did we had a fight over it too since he said she was staying and that I shouldn’t have yelled at her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Without knowing much about why you and your husband separated, I find this whole situation very worrying. If her “job” means keeping you away from your child and micromanaging your relationship with your husband, that’s just not tenable. Unless there is a legitimate reason why your husband would think it is *unsafe* for you to be with your child, this is not OK.
(And even if there is, if you are back in the home that needs to be an actual conversation, not a whisper train between him and the nanny.) I frankly would worry that he is engineering this as leverage for custody if you separate permanently.
This gives me vibes that your husband may be someone with a lot of control issues OR someone very good at spinning narratives in a specific way; it’s worth looking up some of the issues that can happen in couples counseling with that kind of person.
Again, I don’t have enough information to say this definitively, but this is the feeling I get from this, including your reluctance to “push” when you came home–when a separated couple tries reconciling, that’s the time there needs to be important and honest conversations, not one person tiptoeing around the other.” notarealrabbit
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. Yes she was being pushy about her job and almost telling you that you weren’t allowed to do with your own child. But you’re a jerk because you took out your frustrations on the situation on her.
This is a conversation that you need to be having with your husband. He is the one who hired her. He is the one who has kept her round even once you returned home. If your marriage is rocky to the extent that he is keeping a full-time nanny around instead of letting you take over doing all of her tasks that tells me that there are deeper concerns in his mind.
It could be he’s worried that you’ll take over your son’s care and then leave again. Which would leave him needing to hire someone else to help. Rather than already having a nanny on hand that knows your child and their routine.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“Professional nanny here. INFO: Is there a reason your husband wouldn’t trust you alone with your child? I’ve been asked by parents to stay while the in-laws are spending the day with the kids. The parents had both agreed that they weren’t stable enough alone with them and would be better behaved with a third party present.
If there is no reason you wouldn’t be trusted, the nanny massively overstepped. However, even in the situation above I was simply in the background monitoring the children’s physical and emotional well-being. I certainly didn’t prevent them from having any kind of healthy interaction with their grandkids.
I’m most likely to say your husband is the jerk. Either because he didn’t outline the nanny’s job properly, or because he let someone dangerous near his kids. Either way, YTJ as you shouldn’t have had a screaming match in front of your child.” AlysInBetween
5. AITJ For Retaliating Against My Friend's Group Who Insulted Me In A Video Game?
“Today, I ran into a guy that I was mostly friendly with (he isn’t my friend, but I hang out with him from time to time).
We spoke to each other for a while until he asked me if I would like to play a video game sometime later today. I agreed to the offer and he said that he would text me around 4:30 pm.
This is when things went downhill.
He texted me, but he asked if I was okay if his friends joined. I said it was fine, but what I didn’t know was that his friends aren’t the best to anyone but him. We all got on a vc, and his friends instantly started making fun of me.
Calling me things like a “witch”. I put up with it for a while until my so-called “friend” started to do the same thing. I was fed up and started doing the same thing they were.
I called them jerks to see how they liked it.
As soon as I did that they all said that I was being “rude” and “mean” and that they were playing around. I was done with their nonsense at this point and left. A few minutes later my “friend” texted me saying he was sorry for what happened and if I forgave him.
I said no and that he really messed up not standing up for me. He then said I was being a crybaby and I needed to grow up. I don’t know why I was treated that way. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see what gender you are. I’m assuming you are female because of their insults. If so, they were engaging in the time-honored gaming tradition of abusing women who play, this is usually followed by whining because they can’t find a woman who understands how wonderful they really are.
Whether or not that’s the case, NTJ. Calling you a “crybaby” for standing up for yourself? Screw him (metaphorically speaking).” big_bob_c
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Introducing someone to a group is never an easy thing, especially if you don’t even really know the person you’re introducing that well (in this case you).
There’s always that “feeler” stage where the main group has to get a sense of what your personality and humor is like before going full throttle. My close group of friends, we definitely aren’t everyone’s cup of tea in this sensitive culture, we could easily offend someone within the first minute.
But that’s not what we do, anyone new or someone’s partner we know there are boundaries until we get a good idea of if they can take how we are. This “friend” failed at that, plain and simple.” Ponchovilla18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could go for days about how insecure people abuse others but I have a more important message. Don’t accept relationships where you give up your dignity or safety as the price of admission. There isn’t a friend or lover in the world who is worth tarnishing your own self-respect.
Also, recognize that understanding why is not the same as accepting or excusing bad behavior. You can have all the compassion in the world while still holding firm to strong boundaries.” Maggie_Mayhem_1
4. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For Giving Up His Dog To A Shelter?
“My (37f) relationship with my dad has always been kinda strained. It’s not that he disliked me, but I wasn’t a boy, so he wasn’t really interested. About 18 months ago, he and his wife started talking about getting a puppy.
I love animals and have worked at animal shelters in the past and thought this was finally something we could bond over. He said he was thinking of a German Shepherd because they had one when he was a kid.
I said perhaps that wasn’t the best choice, because even though my dad and stepmum are both part-retired (always someone at home), and very active, German Shepherds are working dogs and need a lot of stimulation and occupation. Alas, I was ignored, and 6 months later, they have a German Shepherd Puppy.
Now, to be fair they took him to obedience classes, and they looked after him well. He’s a lovely boy, super friendly with other dogs, loves people and he’s well-trained. But recently his energy levels have been catching up with them, and he’s started having lead reactivity (again, absolutely wonderful with other dogs off the lead).
My dad tells me about this and I told him this isn’t uncommon and I’ve even trained one of my own rescue dogs from doing this and she’s now fine. He tells me “nah, we’ve given it a bit of thought, and we didn’t anticipate having this issue, so we’re giving him to a shelter”.
I was gobsmacked. They’ve given up at the first hurdle. I’ve seen dogs who get left at shelters and it is no fun. I literally begged him, I even offered to do the work for him and my stepmum, take them through all the steps that they need to do, go out with them (even though I have a full-time job, 6 animals of my own and another parent to care for) and help them fix this, but he flat out said no.
As I’ve said, I have worked in shelters in the past and I’m not one of those people who say “there’s never any excuse to give up an animal”, because I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories from people who absolutely have no choice.
My dad and stepmum are not in that category – they absolutely have the time, money, and means to fix this issue, but they are choosing not to because it’s “difficult”. Now, I’m super angry with the pair of them, and I honestly don’t want to speak to them.
They are giving up a truly lovely boy because it’s easier for them, and haven’t thought about how it will affect him. Not only that, I warned them about how much work this breed is, given that they are literally meant to work.
Am I overreacting, or are they actually out of line?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t overreacting. It’s utterly sad that your dad and your stepmom decided to let go of the dog once it got ‘difficult’. Unfortunately, there isn’t much that you can do about the situation, except if you are willing to adopt the dog, but considering you already have 6 animals of your own… it might not be the greatest idea.
Hopefully, they’ll one day realize what a terrible mistake they made, but in all fairness, they most likely won’t. It’s okay to not talk to them for a bit, but I’d think it through if this is something worth going NC over.” Yourslongisntaverage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are though. However, no one listens to that kind of warning. I have a similar story with a family member. I warned her about puppy mills and issues with the dogs from them and she got the dog on an impulse from an ad in the paper.
The dog ended up being put down due to food guarding issues and other aggressive incidents as a puppy. She found a behavior expert who told her nothing could be done and the dog was dangerous. “How could I have known?” I felt like saying, you could have known had you listened every time I warned you when you thought about getting a dog… But what’s the point?
It wouldn’t change anything. Make sure the dog goes to a good shelter or help them adopt out to someone who won’t throw him away.” ssssinder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being disappointed in your dad. I’d honestly feel the same way, pets are family.
It’s really upsetting to find out that people you are close to don’t place the same importance on things that you do. But I suppose at least they’ve been honest with their limits, as low as they may be, and decided they aren’t up for the task.
So while it’s fine to communicate you’re disappointed in their decision and perhaps you might want to be around them less as you feel differently about them, if you took that to the level of being a jerk to them or punishing them with your reaction…then you might stray into jerk territory.
If they aren’t willing to put in the effort now for a bit of training, would they be willing as they get older to maintain the effort to keep him happy and healthy into his older years with walks and stimulation, or if he were to get ill and need regularly medicating or special food?
It might be better to find out now at the first hurdle that they don’t really have it in them while he’s young and healthy and more likely to find a loving forever home. Could you take him for a while to train the lead reactivity out of him, and perhaps put feelers out to re-home, either privately or any shelters near you that do homestay fostering?” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Prioritizing Monthly Friend Meetups Over My Partner's Mother's Birthday?
“My friends and I can only get together once a month. Between different work schedules, some having kids and other commitments, it’s hard to schedule. But we all do our darnedest to be there because we’re important to each other.
It’s the second Saturday of every month. We meet up at someone’s house, have lunch, and talk about everything. Sometimes we go somewhere outside and sometimes we just stay in. It’s very important to us.
My partner said her mother’s birthday dinner is July 9 and we need to attend.
I told her I wasn’t available. She said I can give up my “me time” for her mom because moms are more important than friends. This isn’t “me time” though. I need this time to maintain my friendships so we don’t drift apart.
I suggested we do something with her mom on her actual birthday (the seventh). She said that won’t work because her mom will be tired and need to get ready for work the next day. I suggested maybe something on Sunday?
She said her mom would find that disrespectful to celebrate her birthday on the Lord’s Day. I said if she isn’t even going to try to compromise then neither am I. She thinks I’m being a jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“My man you need to edit and add some details. After reading through your comments .. if I understand you correctly: You’ve been together 9 months, do not live together, this will be a formal dinner starting at 4:30 with a 4-hour drive there and back sprung on you last minute with no willingness to compromise if you’re wanted there… nope no can do.
Y’all have a great time I’ll see you when you get back. NTJ.” megabucks68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think everyone should get protected time with their mates, as long as it is a reasonable request, like in this case.
It’s not like OP sees his mates every week, this is a set time once every month. 12 times per annum. Your partner is unreasonable trying to make you dump your mates for her mum’s birthday. She should have just said to her mum “oh OP can’t make it, it’s on the 2nd Saturday so it’s when he and his mates all get together, he sends his birthday wishes though”.
Why is OP’s presence so important to her and her mum? It’s not like OP has ever been a part of this celebration before. Why is it so vital that OP goes? Why do some partners insist on not seeing the value in their significant others’ hobbies/friendships?
OP, I think this is a hill you should die on. It’s only 12 flipping times a year. You should be allowed time with your mates, and it’s a long-standing arrangement that’s simple to work around, and your absence accounted for.
In my opinion, your partner is being disrespectful of your time and commitments. It’s not an unreasonable ask to have 12 times a year for yourself and your mates.” CynicalRecidivist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is already deciding for you what your priorities should be, asserting that her mother’s birthday dinner (not held on her birthday because she’d be tired the next day) is more important than your already set meeting with your friends and that your mother’s sensibilities must be catered to, so Sunday is out — your priorities and relationships are not worth any consideration though.
To me, the important thing is that your partner doesn’t get to decide your priorities for you based on what she thinks is important. This would be a bad precedent to set. Where was your partner’s voice when her family was discussing whether that date would be okay for everyone or not?
I bet it wasn’t used to point out that you already had plans. I’m betting she told them you’d both be fine to come on that day. You are allowed to have your own priorities and to assert that plans you have already made be respected and that your partner doesn’t have the right to unilaterally override them.
Your partner can say that you already had a commitment, so couldn’t make it, and you can visit her mother another day to offer your congratulations. If you let your partner dismissively set your friends to a lower priority when you already only see them once a month anyway, then you really could end up messing up your relationship with them if she chips away at even that little time.
Life is short and real friends are hard to come by. You have a right to make that time “sacred” to you. It may be only once a month, but the commitment to that meeting shows how you value each other’s friendship.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
2. AITJ For Using A Photographer's Pictures Of Me Without Paying?
“The other day, while I was surfing, a photographer took pictures of me without asking me first. After surfing she came to my friend and me and she asked us if we wanted to buy one of the pictures and we told her no. She gave us her website just in case we wanted to buy a picture later.
That afternoon I saw on her website a couple of pictures of me and my friend that I really liked, but I was not going to pay for a picture that was taken of me without permission, so I decided to crop it to remove the watermark and I uploaded it to my Instagram.
This morning I woke up with a message from her on Instagram telling me that I’d stolen her pictures and that I should pay her. I told her that she should stop being a jerk and she should ask before taking pictures.
After that I blocked her. Now she is crying about it on her Twitter, I know this because before blocking her, she was threatening me with “exposing” me on Twitter.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one to answer as she took the picture but you did not give permission.
I don’t know where you live and what precise privacy laws are around there. No lawyer here but have working with stock and custom images. A model release is not necessary for a photographer (a photographer can sell an image with you on it, but without a model release the buyer can not publish the photo.
Now you can reason that a picture posted on Instagram is actually publishing an image so she would need you to sign a model release to publish the image. After looking at this it’s not really a clear case. But I am still going with NTJ because she did take an image of you and posted it without your consent.” N0K1K0
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t understand these weird photography laws that most Americans seem to follow. Like anyone can photograph you and profit from it? It’s another thing when you’re an entertainer or a celeb, but as a random person just trying to live their life?
Sounds ridiculous. I’m a photography enthusiast and I sell my photography on EyeEm. They take everything from iPhone to DSLR submissions. Their mods will select the really great pictures and also promote them on Getty. They also have some sort of auto bot that detects faces as well as shop names or specific locations/trademarks in pictures and will ask for a model release and property release.
Then only will they allow these images to be sold. Like I have an image taken 4 years ago that I tried to upload to their marketplace and simply can’t because I need two model releases signed. If an app like that is so specific about releases and consent, why can’t photographers like this??
NTJ.” Head2Heels
Another User Comments:
“This just reminded me of a story my mum told me. She handled a similar situation better. Mum is into bushwalking, bird watching, and photography. One day in the national park, she was walking next to a river and some men were having a blast in the rapids on their boats.
This is obviously the type of situation where she couldn’t ask for permission to photograph in advance because the moment was transient and she was very far away. My mum took lots of pictures to practice her photography skills then sprinted like a mad woman to catch up to those guys at the end of their ride.
She had a conversation with them, explaining who she was, how she ran into them, and her interests in nature and photography. Most importantly, Mum offered to delete the photos upfront, but as it happened, they were so excited that someone had cared to capture their fun and so they exchanged email addresses and the photos went into a Google Drive.
It turned into a gift she could give a stranger rather than a reason for them to press charges. I just wish people would use common decency, regardless of where the laws are up to. NTJ.” milzgrills
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Display My Stepmother's Late Family's Photos At My Wedding?
“My fiancée (28f) and I (29m) are getting married in a couple of months. We both lost our moms. While my fiancée was raised by her grandparents, I was raised by my dad and later my stepmother, his second wife.
So while my fiancée has no drama about wanting to display a photo of her late mom. There is some about me displaying my mom. My siblings get why I want to do it. But my stepmother and stepsiblings do not.
They feel her late husband/their late dad and their late child/sibling should also get photos displayed since they are also immediate family. But they’re not my family, immediate or otherwise. Both of them had passed before my dad met his wife.
My stepmother feels insecure that I don’t just want to have photos of her late family but of just my mom, she feels like it’s a dig at her because I also don’t call her my mom and I’m not close to her.
My dad just wants his wife and stepkids happy. Stepkids feel like I should embrace “all parts of the family but here and not here” and they said if they did the photo thing, they’d include my mom with their dad.
I made my stance clear and my answer was no. Which only brought more of the “we’re either a family or we’re not”. My siblings stayed by my side and one of them was like well we’re not an actual family so it’s whatever, which only added fuel to the fire.
I was then told I need to do this to restore family harmony and I should want to do this for my family. I told them I don’t want to do this for them and I won’t. They said it should be all three photos or none at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”They feel her late husband/their late dad and their late child/sibling should also get photos displayed.” And they can totally do that. At their own weddings. “Both of them had passed before my dad met his wife.” You never met them, you’re not related to them, they were complete strangers to you.
It’s completely unreasonable for your steps to expect you to display their photos. “I was then told I need to do this to restore family harmony.” Why are YOU responsible for restoring the harmony they destroyed with their ridiculous request and subsequent tantrums?
“She feels like it’s a dig at her because I also don’t call her my mom and I’m not close to her.” I don’t know how old you were when she married your father. But if you were a child, she is probably to blame for you two not having a good relationship.
She was the adult, it was her job and your father’s to ensure a smooth blending of the family. Given what you wrote here, I might guess that she tried to force herself on you as the “new mommy”, which backfired (because it usually does).
NTJ. ” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My goodness, anyone with half a brain would understand why it should be you and your fiancé moms. They are part of who you are. Her first husband and deceased child have nothing to do with you.
Her children can display their dad and sibling at their wedding. Period. Tell Lady Tremaine that she does not get to dictate your wedding nor demand that her first husband and deceased child be honored at YOUR wedding. That you will be doing so for your mother (who birthed you) and fiancée’s mom.
Any more of the discussion by any of them and they will no longer be invited to the wedding. And talk to your dad and tell him to rein him in. That this behavior will not be tolerated or accepted. And if he supports his wife’s behavior or is on the same bandwagon, then he might also not be included in the wedding nor any children you may have.
Get a backbone and shine it up.” Popular-Jaguar-3803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you uninvite the steps, or is that a bridge too far for you? If it’s a bridge too far, then my advice is to practice no as a complete sentence.
Stop providing explanations, because they are clearly hearing, “Problem in need of a solution,” and attempting to provide a solution, then getting frustrated/ hurt when you’re not receptive to their solution. They don’t realize there’s no problem here (other than the one they’re manufacturing).
The thing is, the picture of your mom is there because your mom cannot be.
My sister did a similar thing at her wedding for our late mother (she had a locket with mom’s wedding picture tied to the bouquet, then later pinned to her gown).
My dad’s new wife (we don’t call her stepmom because he married her after all the kids left the family home, so had no hand in the raising of us) had 2 husbands prior to my dad — an ex (divorced) and a late (widow).
Dad’s wife has said and done many, many out-of-pocket and inappropriate, eyebrow-raising things about my dad loving another woman before he met her since the day they got together, but even this woman didn’t say anything about the picture or try to have her former husband’s represented. I never thought I’d say this, but I think your stepmom is more wacko than mine.
If your mom was alive, she would be at the wedding and, presumably, stepmom would not be. If this was some weird parallel universe where all deceased parties were alive, with marriages ended by divorce instead of death, then stepmom would not be inviting her previous spouse.
Just because he is her beloved deceased does not make him your beloved deceased, and does not make this ask appropriate.” Intelligent-Apple840
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