People Whimper Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Letting My Ex-Wife Care For My Kids After My Wife's Passing?
“I (30 m) was married to my ex-wife for three years. We got married at 18. We had two kids together. We got divorced. She moved on, married, and had another child with her now husband. I did the same, but later, with my late wife.
She and I also had two kids together. So my ex-wife has primary custody of our two kids that we have together, so they are with her I think it’s 85% of the time. I get them 8 days a month. She is a stay-at-home mom, which is their business.
My kids seem never to need anything they don’t have so it’s not my concern. But recently my wife passed away, and as she had decided to be a SAHM even though we couldn’t really afford it, now there’s no one to watch the two kids we have together.
My ex offered to watch one of my boys while I took the other to the doctor one day because I called her to let her know since what he had was contagious.
So I accepted the offer. She then after I got back with my sick son offered to watch them until I could find someone more permanent.
Also, she offered to do this for free. It’s been four months since the boys have been staying with her during the day and they have a great time and enjoy spending extra time with their brother and sister and my ex’s son with her husband.
My late wife’s family kind of distanced themselves when she passed, which I can understand, but they recently reached back out and her mom wants to keep the boys while I work and I told her I have childcare taken care of. Needless to say when she found out my ex-wife was the childcare she and everyone else hit the roof.
They said I was disrespecting my wife’s memory by handing her children off to another woman to raise and also called my ex a lot of things I’m not gonna list here.
They think she’s doing this to get back together with me and “take over” my kids with my wife.
I don’t think so, at all…. she’s married. But am I being disrespectful? It’s getting in my head now. I don’t in any way want to disrespect my sweet wife’s memory.
The two of them got along well. My wife always said my ex was a great mom any time she was brought up.
I honestly don’t see an issue. My ex takes care of them like she does the two we have plus hers and they get to see their siblings daily.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“To me, this reads like a super nice gesture of support when she knows that you’ve had a very rough time.
I won’t expect it to be indefinite (and you wrote “until I could find someone more permanent”) (and it’s super expensive cost-wise). I suspect people will want to know how old your kids are and how long it’s been since you lost your wife. I also suspect that a relevant question is: have you told your ex-wife that your MIL is willing to look after the kids?
And indeed: do you think your MIL would be good at it? I’ve certainly seen stranger set-ups although I’d expect you to be sending a reasonable amount of money to your ex to cover costs.” joereddington
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Flatmate's Long-Distance Partner To Move In?
“So I (29M) am sharing a house with two flatmates. Let’s call them Lucy and Annie. Lucy has been here from the start, and Annie and I are quite new here.
Now Lucy is in a long-distance relationship with her partner of 2 years.
He’s from India, but currently lives in another country which is closer to where we are. His visa is expiring, so they’re going to get married in November (which Lucy didn’t tell us).
Here it gets tricky. They want to move in together, so Lucy asked us if it would be fine if he moved into her room in 6 weeks.
Annie doesn’t have an opinion on it and she’s too stressed right now to think about it, and I’m against it, to be honest. I don’t like being around lovey-dovey couples, it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I’d like to be in peace while at home.
All my friends recommended I not do it since living with couples is a bad situation to be in. So tomorrow we’ll have a meeting to discuss how to go on.
But it gets trickier. Lucy said that if we didn’t accept her partner moving in, she’d probably move out and find something else for them.
But she owns 90% of the stuff in this house, so Annie and I would have to redecorate. I’d be fine with it, but Annie seems kind of scared of that, so she might move out as well if Lucy moves out, and then I’d need to look for 2 new flatmates.
Now, why would he move into her room at all? Because our city is extremely crowded and finding a flat is near-impossible, especially since Lucy doesn’t make that much money (and her partner won’t be able to get a work permit). And if he can’t move to our country, they’ll probably send him to India.
Right now these are the scenarios:
* I say no and Lucy finds another apartment. She will then either have to move out of this one (which is beautiful) or let her partner be deported to India. Annie might move out too.
* I say no and Lucy doesn’t find another apartment.
She stays here, will be mad at me, and her partner gets deported to India.
* I say yes, nobody is mad and the rent gets cheaper for me, but I’d have to live with a couple which would honestly be a nightmare for me, and be exposed to their fighting and intimate sessions.
Maybe I’m not the jerk because I’d just be standing my ground and honestly it’s not my fault they planned his immigration so badly. On the other hand, I might be the jerk because standing my ground will put Lucy in quite the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“WNBTA-But if those are your only options, you may want to go with the yes option. You don’t know how it will work out so you’re assuming they are going to fight or that the walls are so thin, you’ll be an unwilling participant in hearing them do the horizontal mamba.
Neither could happen. You can say yes and have some mutually agreed terms for him moving in. If you choose either of the no options, you need to be able to support yourself living in that flat if your roomies leave or have new roomies ready to move in.
Choose wisely.” Sea-Tea-4130
21. AITJ For Taking Over A Coworker's Client And Raising Their Expectations?
“My name is Carl and I work in a company that offers IT support to other companies.
Some people go visit small businesses from the main office and there are ones who get lucky and get to stay with one client, on paper everyone can do any job, but in reality, people have their typical clients.
And there is the most disliked job – phone support.
I was the IT guy who had to drive around the city and deal with tasks from small businesses. We have a “flash meeting” every morning to divide the new tasks – this is for people who visit the smaller clients around the city.
A coworker who I will call Jenny had to stay home with a sick kid, and our manager asked who could cover her, as she was one of the lucky ones who had her cabinet and this client’s contract demands a local “IT guy”. I agreed to do it, as it is close to my home.
Oh boy, did I love it there – having a private office cabinet and I could walk to work. I found out that the people in that office are not that happy with Jenny, as she often has the door locked so the clients have to call the IT support number and can’t talk directly, she also refuses to do anything that is not her job on paper.
For example, when there is a problem with a TV, paper shredder, security system, phone, or anything other than is not “IT” she says “not my job”, but I did not – I have the door open and help with pretty much anything work-related as their workload is not that big, I have plenty of free time.
The “paperwork” (all digital) was also messy, within the 2 weeks I was there I fixed most of the paperwork.
On the database, I had multiple computers in the storage, while in reality, most were given to customers, meaning they had devices without “paperwork”, meaning that if clients break a laptop, they are not accountable.
That company asked my manager to replace us, so I will take this client and she will go to the main office and deal with small clients in the city.
I agreed! I even got a salary raise because the director of the client company decided to pay more for that contract on the condition that the extra money be for my salary.
All my female colleagues are now mad and call me a jerk because “I stole the job from a single mother”, and I am raising the client’s expectations too much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love the logic, that being a single parent means you can do a crappy job.
Sure, raising expectations too much can shoot you in your foot, but nothing excuses the bad paperwork. And she did not “lose a job”, she just lost the office where she got too comfortable. The main problem here is probably the low workload – people often get lazy and start doing a bad job in general.” SympathyDependent549
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided service to the customer and they preferred your availability over Jenny locked in the office, so much that they’re paying more. I’m surprised the manager didn’t tell her she’s required to have the door open and be available or just ask for someone different” Clean_Factor9673.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s not your fault – it’s hers for not doing a proper job. I had something similar happen to me once – the webmaster was going on holiday and I knew that as I sat next to her desk people would ask me – so she gave me the password.
The first day someone asked me can we do ‘x’ – I said no worries that’s easy and within 15 minutes had it completed and online – it was then that he told me that the other person had said it was too hard to do – Then I realized that she was just lazy.
So over the next several weeks that she was on holiday there were years of work that people wanted to change and could now. All I did was my job of updating the website and as long as the person was authorized to change that section I did as they asked. When she came back – she was told she was on other duties now and that I would run the website – which only took about 10% of my time – She realized that I did not do it deliberately and didn’t hold it against me.
Op – keep up the good work.” SomeoneInQld
20. AITJ For Refusing To Remove Or Cover Up A Matching Tattoo I Have With My Ex?
“I (24M) have been seeing my current partner (23M), let’s call him ‘K’, for 5 months.
Before him, I was in a relationship with my ex (24F), let’s call her ‘L’, which lasted 6 years and ended badly on both sides; this is a sensitive subject since K has BPD and has labeled me as his “favorite person”, which means he can be very jealous/possessive sometimes, so I never bring her up with him to protect our peace.
I have a small tattoo above my ankle that matches with L. Nothing too personal at first glance, it’s just thin linework of a flower (her choice), and I have good memories attached to it, regardless of how our relationship ended.
The issue is that K hadn’t known about this tattoo, as I never thought it was important to bring it up with him.
However, some days ago he happened to see it and got curious about it, asking why I kept it hidden (I didn’t, it just happens to be in a place that’s always covered in some way or another), and what it meant as I’m not a flower guy by any means.
I felt bad about lying to him so I just told the truth, making sure to emphasize how it didn’t mean the same to me anymore, but I still thought it was a nice tattoo.
K got very upset, went home, and then texted me demanding I get the tattoo covered up or removed, saying I wouldn’t be hesitant about it if I cared about him, and that this clearly shows I haven’t gotten over L.
He even offered to pay for laser removal or a cover-up piece, and then insisted if I picked the cover-up, it had to be something matching him now.
I explained I had no intention of removing it, laser sounds expensive and tedious, and I didn’t want to get another tattoo over it either, since it’d have to be a bigger piece and I’m not a tattoo enthusiast, but to be honest, the main reason is that I just don’t want to get another matching tattoo with anyone again.
I’m at a loss here, he’s refusing to talk to me and texted me saying he doesn’t want to see me unless it’s to book an appointment together, I know this is probably his mental illness talking for him but he’s never gotten this upset at me before.
I’m used to talking him down from being extremely self-deprecating, but this I’m unequipped to deal with; I can’t help but feel like a jerk for not going along with it and letting things go back to normal since the issue is fully on me this time.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your man is demanding you get a tattoo removed or covered up after five months together. He’s also jealous and possessive, to the point where you don’t talk about former relationships to “protect our peace”. When you did not agree to do what he wanted you to do *with your body*, he gave you the silent treatment. The issue is not fully on you this time.
It’s him. It’s all him. You’re NTJ, and your man is a walking red flag. ” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This tattoo is a part of you, like L was a part of your life once, shaping you and making you who you are now.
You wouldn’t be the same person if you hadn’t been with L, with or without the bad ending. It’s your history. It has nothing to do with your current feelings for L. These feelings of insecurity or jealousy are on K. He is in no position to demand a bodily chance of you.
His demands and manipulative attitude may have to do with his mental instability. You have to consider whether this is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. It’s this tattoo now, but what’s next?” ladyxochi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. TBH, I have a “matching” tattoo with my ex-fiancé.
We got each other’s names in each other’s handwriting on our ribs. I don’t see it often, but I have a lot of other tattoos and I do mention I have it whenever I start talking to someone new. I talked about it with my current partner the first month we were together and straight up told him that even though I’m over my ex, I wouldn’t get it covered or removed for two reasons.
I don’t like living with regrets and no matter how badly my ex hurt me, I got it during a time I was significantly happy with a person that meant everything to me at that time, and getting anything done in that spot is going to suck because it’s really sensitive and it’s between two scars from when I had a port-a-cath.
My partner understands and wouldn’t ever force me to remove or cover it. And it doesn’t affect anything between us because we never see it anyway. It doesn’t change the fact that we love each other now. We talked about getting matching tattoos with each other and while he never wanted to with his past partners, he wants to with me because he knows I’m his future wife and isn’t afraid of the permanence it would hold for us.
Tattoos also don’t ALWAYS have to have a meaning or that meaning could change as we navigate through life. I have a freaking razor scooter on my ankle and a bee on my knee. Tattoos could just be something you liked or just be a testament to you living life.” Ill_Island_2662
19. AITJ For Not Getting Angry At My Brother For Accidentally Scratching My Car?
“I (F17) recently passed my driving test and got a car with the help of my parents (it’s a 2007 Ford Fiesta). It’s nothing fancy and has quite a few scratches and small dents already, but it’s my first car so it’s kind of what I was expecting.
My youngest brother is 8 and the other day he was playing on his bike around my car when he fell off. My mum and I rushed outside to see if he was okay. I think he was more shocked about the fall than hurt because we helped him up and he was fine.
But whilst my mum and I were doing this, we heard a gasp behind us and I turned around to see my other brother who’s 11 run back inside and start talking to my dad. My dad then came outside with my brother (11) behind him. He then started loudly telling my brother off for scratching my car.
At this point, I looked at the door of my car and saw a rather long scratch down the door of my car. My brother (8) started apologizing and saying it was an accident so I told him it was fine and I could easily fix it with a cloth and some T-cut.
But my dad wasn’t happy about that and shouted at him to go to his room, so he ran off to his room crying because he’d been shouted at. Then my mum started shouting at my dad because he was overreacting. While this was going on, I asked my brother (11) why he ran and told my dad and he just shrugged. Everyone was in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
The next day I took my brother out shopping and we got some T-cut (and snacks to eat in the car) and I showed him how to T-cut a car. Now the scratch from his bike is completely gone along with some others. A couple of days later we all went over to see my grandparents and the bike incident came up.
So my grandad asked what my parents were doing to punish my brother and my dad started grumbling. My mum said they weren’t doing anything because it was an accident. My grandad then got annoyed saying that he should still be punished and told my dad to go show him the scratch (we came over in two separate cars) while I told my nan about how it was completely gone now because of the T-cut.
Now my grandad, dad, and brother (11) are angry at me because I wasn’t angry and they’re saying I don’t deserve a car because I don’t “respect” it.
Am I the jerk for not getting angry or upset about an easily fixable accident?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you are seeing from your dad and granddad (and to some extent, your brother) is generational trauma; any incident must result in punishment. The fact you aren’t also insisting on it is incomprehensible to them. >Now my grandad, dad, and brother (11) are angry at me because I wasn’t angry and they’re saying I don’t deserve a car because I don’t “respect” it.
In other words, they are placing more value on the car than on you and your younger brother. You are displaying far more emotional maturity than they could ever hope to achieve” mysteries.
Another User Comments:
“Oy! One day….you will have a nice car and it will be scratched or damaged. Then…..you will understand.
Parking garages….ding!, Valet parking…Ping!…. Red light in Chinatown, a lady walking her bike across the street and walks into your car….. scratches, and then busts a tail light. (Yes, walking a bike into a car can cause $500+ in damages!!!) Yes, these things can be fixed. Every scratch can also cause rust and cause more issues.
Making resale value drop. Also, who pays to fix the problems? If you fix it, how good will it look? You said your parents helped you buy the car. How much “help”?” Electronic-Lab-4419
18. AITJ For Supporting My Son's Refusal To Be Photographed?
“I share custody of a moody, emotional, cranky 11-year-old boy with his mom. I am very mindful and respectful that he’s hitting puberty and give him space and boundaries. One minute he will give you the death stare for being in the same room and the next minute he’ll want to play fight because he knows I’m going to hug and kiss him.
Right now Ethan is going through a phase where he doesn’t want any adult relative posting any picture or video of him on their social media account. The exception is if you’re between the ages of 14 to 25 and doing something fun or makes him look cool.
His mom and stepdad love posting pictures of their family all the time. Ethan told them not to post pictures of him. His stepdad told him not to post family pictures without him is like letting him not shower or brush his teeth. It’s sort of required.
My son complained to me and I said I’m not getting involved with how they run their home. To me, it’s not a hill worth dying over. Ethan let them know how he felt.
I had Ethan all week and he goes back to his mom’s on Saturday.
He refuses to go back because he doesn’t want to go to the family Labor Day camping trip where he’ll be photographed. I asked my son if this was worth fighting over and he believes so.
I spoke to his mom and she thought it was ridiculous.
I said I agree but this is just some weird tween boy power trip thing so just promise not to take his picture. She refused. Now Ethan refuses to go on the trip.
Last night his stepdad and maternal uncle called him separately. Both times resulted in Ethan crying.
They told him his behind was going. That upset me. I called them both up and said my custody issues with his mom were none of their business. I agree it’s stupid and a compromise could have been met. Now that you all inserted yourself into the matter, I have no choice but to let him stay here if he wants.
His mom is mad at ME. I told her to just drop it and you can take him for a few extra days when you get back. The situation has gotten too dramatic. It’s not like he doesn’t want to go back because he has to clean his room.
He has to know that his stepdad and uncle are not calling the shots too. She is furious at me and says I’m encouraging bad behavior by letting him stay here. Ironically I’m way more strict than she is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Consent matters and your son is not a baby who can’t express or understand consent.
His mother and her folk are teaching this kid that his consent doesn’t matter. One of my children reached a point, around age 9, where they did not wish to be kissed or hugged without consent. They only had to tell me once. I teased them a couple of times, but I kept it gentle, and when they said to stop I stopped. I have not hugged or kissed them without their explicit consent in over ten years.
This kid occasionally asks for a mama hug when they need it, and exchanges hugs with friends after big projects (theatre geek) and that is their prerogative. Do I occasionally have feelings? Do I miss when they would climb into my bed and snuggle up to watch a movie together?
Of course. But they are their person, with dignity and autonomy. I do not own them. I have responsibilities to them (not for them anymore) but no right to them. Period. This is a lesson your son’s mom needs to learn and communicate to her family.
She should be defending this kid’s appropriately developing autonomy.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This feels like a power flex on the stepfather’s part. Like it’s a way to remove a portion of this kid’s autonomy, feeding stepdad’s ego for posting happy family photos.
My heart goes out to this kid. He will remember this, and his mother will wonder why he rarely spends time with her once he is 18.” EmploymentOk1421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your son is communicating that he is not comfortable and instead of his mom and her husband to realise it may be a phase or it might be because he is serious and wants them to respect his autonomy they decided to make it into a bigger situation.
Now his mom has set the precedent that she is not a “safe” parent who will listen to him when he comes to her, this may impact their relationship for a time if she doesn’t pull her head out and just not take the pictures.” Secret_Double_9239
17. AITJ For Demanding An Apology From My Friend After She Made Us Late For Curfew?
“I (16 F) have a work friend group, the only one important in this story is my friend, who for this post I’ll call Anna (19 F).
Anna decided to invite a few of us to the state fair and I was one of them.
While there Anna ran around with a friend, who I and my coworker didn’t know, and just went on rides with them. I decided to let her have fun and go get something to eat while my coworker followed because he didn’t know what else to do.
Beforehand, Anna told us we’d be back around 6 and it was already 3. So me and my coworker went on a few rides to pass the time. Eventually, it hit 5 and we were ready to go as both of our curfews were approaching. I texted Anna asking where she was and she didn’t reply.
I assumed she was on a ride so waited 5 minutes. After that I texted her and she again didn’t reply so I called her. After almost 7 times of calling her and trying to figure out where she is, she answers my text saying “I’m not even with them are you guys dumb?” I got a bit annoyed at her words and just ignored it.
We find the rest of the group and hang out with them for a bit.
Eventually, 6 hits, and my coworker’s curfew is 6:30 and it is already an hour’s drive back home. So we asked her partner, who drove us if he could drop us off and come back for them so we didn’t get in trouble.
Anna’s friend rode with us so we asked her if we could leave and she said no. I rolled my eyes but just dealt with it.
It then hits 8 and we’re both past our curfew so we ask to leave again. By then Anna pops up after 2 hours, talking about the concert she went to.
Me and my coworker try to leave but Anna and her friend go and hop on a few rides and get food. We don’t leave till 8.
After we got dropped off, at 10 so we were both in trouble, I texted Anna explaining how it felt like she didn’t acknowledge us at the fair after inviting us and how she’d kinda hurt my feelings calling me dumb.
I wanted to keep it between us but she went and posted it on social media.
I told her I was just asking for an apology and she said “Why should I have to apologize when I did nothing wrong?” This is the part where I may be the jerk.
I snapped and told her until she apologized I’ll be staying home.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Anna was responsible for getting you both home on time, she is legally an adult and should have been more proactive in making sure that the two of you got home on time.
You did absolutely nothing wrong by expecting someone older than you to be considerate of the people who depended on her. Honestly, asking for an apology is a very kind and mature thing to do in this situation. Not only did she ignore you at the fair, insult you, ignore her responsibility to take you home, and dismiss your feelings but she also made your whole conversation public.
Even if she apologized, I think that you should not be friends with this person anymore. She has demonstrated a lack of empathy and maturity that goes way beyond an accident or mistake. Separating yourself from here will save a lot of headaches in the future.” DoctaWood
16. AITJ For Agreeing With My Dad's Decision To Go On Holiday With My Wealthy Step-Sister Instead Of My Bio-Sister?
“I (25F) have two bio siblings and two step sisters.
My sister (27F) and my step-sister Amelia (27F) used to be very close in their early teens but then my sister and I stopped seeing our dad so much in our mid-late teens so we drifted to the point where we only spoke to each other at family events now.
My sister got married 3 years ago and our dad wasn’t able to contribute as much as she hoped so she had to settle for a small wedding which wasn’t exactly her dream wedding. Part of the reason why he couldn’t contribute as much is because he and my stepmother gave Amelia a £15000 loan so she could get a master’s degree.
In our culture, the dad pays for the wedding and our dad knew my sister was looking to get married so he shouldn’t have given Amelia such a huge loan when she had other options.
That was the start of my sister’s dislike for Amelia but things have gotten worse since Amelia’s engagement and wedding last year.
Amelia’s in-laws are wealthy and her father-in-law decided to give Amelia a blank cheque for her wedding since her dad isn’t in the picture. Amelia and my sister have always had similar tastes so she pretty much had my sister’s dream wedding which has caused my sister to resent her even more.
So that brings me to the current issue. My sister and Amelia both invited my dad on holiday this summer and he chose to spend it with Amelia and her in-laws. My sister is understandably hurt and angry over this but she won’t stop going on and on about it.
I think the reason my dad chose to spend it with Amelia is pretty simple – it was a free holiday and he doesn’t have much disposable income at the moment. On top of that Amelia is pregnant so my stepmother would’ve pushed to spend it with her regardless.
Yesterday my sister brought it up again for the thousandth time so I told her frankly that I also would’ve chosen to go on holiday with Amelia if it was an option. To be frank, her in-laws have more money than we’ll ever earn in our lifetime and it would be an experience to go on holiday with people with so much money.
I get it sucks for my sister because she has this rivalry with Amelia but I don’t see her turning down a free holiday. My brother agreed with me which I think contributed to how upset my sister is with me now because she doesn’t like that my brother sees our stepsisters the same way he sees us, his bio sisters.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Only a jerk would ask their sister to take more neglect. You wrote about how your father has pushed his bio children aside for his “steps” for years. He does this because he loves himself and sleeps with his wife more than his children.
He has forced his children to suffer his failures and you want to make it your sister’s responsibility. You are just as vile as your father telling her that the pain she feels is invalid. She has every right to feel like your father is once again telling her he doesn’t love her and she will never have a place in his life unless his wife and stepchildren allow it.
Your sister will always be an afterthought in your father’s life. You owe your sister an apology. I hope her in-laws are amazing to make up for the lack of love from her family. YTJ” Igottime23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ..and even without the step-bio daughter sister bit still YTJ.
Your father has consistently favored one daughter over the other. He puts money above relationships. You agree with him. Do not be surprised when your sister says enough and cuts you both out of her life. Think about how you would feel if you were in your bio sister’s position and your father kept favoring and choosing someone over you.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“I hope you have this same energy when your Dad doesn’t pay for your wedding either to fund whatever it is for your golden child stepsister. Then, when you complain about it, everyone tells you to kick rocks, too. YTJ and a mega one at that.
Your dad spent years favoring his new family and dropped you guys as a teens. But yeah, your sister is the bad guy here… I love to tell you that you and your Dad are the bad guys along with your brother.” Beautiful-Ad-7616
15. AITJ For Refusing To Tattoo My Best Friend As An Inexperienced Artist?
“I (23f) refused to tattoo my (23f) BFF.
We’ve known each other since middle school. She used to like tattoos but not on her. I, on the other hand, absolutely loved them and was already set on having a lot of tattoos. However, as the year passed, she grew a bit more interested and said she might do a small one but only when she’s much older.
However, a few days ago when we met up she asked me to book her an appointment because she decided to get one, specifically for me. I refused because, while I don’t make glaring mistakes, I’m still new at the profession and not the best at it.
She insisted saying she didn’t care if it was bad she just wanted to share this with me.
However, I was very uncomfortable with the idea of getting it wrong. She insisted it would be more meaningful if I did it. I shut her down.
I understand her desire for a tattoo from someone she trusts, but I simply don’t think I’m qualified to do it. I’m still learning and I don’t want to risk messing up her skin. I’ve seen other artists’ work and I know I’m not on that level yet.
I suggested she go to a more experienced tattoo artist instead or wait a few years for me to get better. She was disappointed and told me goodbye and left.
I’m not sure if I made the right decision. I still feel a bit guilty about refusing, but I don’t want to regret giving her a tattoo that I’m not proud of.
I hope she understands and finds a great artist to give her the tattoo she wants.
We haven’t talked about it or anything else since. She doesn’t answer my texts or phone calls and I’m worried that she’s still very mad at me. I don’t know if I should apologize or just let things be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not experienced enough, not sure why she would want someone inexperienced to work on her. You are mature enough to know your level of expertise and wait. I commend you for that. Hopefully, your friend will come around and be more understanding.” IAmTAAlways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable and considerate to acknowledge that your skill isn’t great yet. In your shoes, I’d also be apprehensive, her wanting a tattoo is very recent and I’d hate to mess up that experience. Have you already explained your reasoning to her?
If you haven’t, explain to her what you explained to us. If you’re up for reconsidering, do you have a portfolio of your work? If she can see what you’re able to do and its quality, she’d have an informed decision that way. “No” is a valid answer either way.
Good on you for being cautious about a permanent decision.” janedoe6699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would give her 2 options, she can get something simple from you at the level you’re currently producing, or she needs to wait until you have worked your way up to larger projects or have finished your apprenticeship.
At first, I thought you were the jerk, assuming you were a tattoo artist and tattooing strangers but not confident enough to tattoo your friend, but being an apprentice makes it all make sense.” reattach
14. AITJ For Not Changing My Date Plans To Comfort My Friend?
“My friend, who I’ll refer to as S, is friends with my significant other. We’ve all been friends for around the same amount of time, and fairly good friends at that. I asked out my significant other about a month ago, and so far, so good between us.
However, S hasn’t been as receptive. He’s been cold, distant, and almost mean towards me, while worshipping the ground my significant other walks on. I figured he was just adjusting and gave him some time. Things seemed to be going better, until our first hiccup.
I’d asked my significant other on a date on Sunday, once she got back from a movie with friends, and she’d accepted. A day after I asked, S was upset when he found out and I hadn’t told him. I initially didn’t think much of it, but he brought it up again.
We ended up having a talk, where I brought up that I didn’t think I needed to clue him into it, and that if I make plans with my significant other I shouldn’t have to run them by him to make sure it was okay.
He reasoned that we’ve been a trio for so long, that it was completely reasonable to ask to be clued into what’s happening.
The resolution was a good compromise in my eyes, if I made plans I’d let him know, and he wouldn’t try to guilt trip me out of them.
Problem solved right? Well, this morning I found out I’m both off work tomorrow and I’d have my place to myself, perfect time for a second date. I ask my significant other, she says yes. I let S know, and he instantly asked if I could change days.
He explains it’s the one-year “anniversary” (I’m not sure what word to use besides that) since his childhood dog died. He wants us both there to comfort him. I explain my situation, but he’s still asking or saying that if it’s too big of a deal we can just leave him alone.
I haven’t said anything back yet, but I don’t know what to say. I want to tell him that this is exactly what I was talking about by “guilt trip” but I think that may be too insensitive given the context matter. I will add, that we both have other friends outside of each other and a mutual friend group that includes the three of us.
It doesn’t have to be me and my significant other there.
So am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP – you do realize your friend is pining for your GF, right? He wanted in first but didn’t have the guts to ask her out before you did.
(Or he did, and she said no.) Either way, this is going to be a rough ride for S. Don’t run plans by him anymore. Make plans with your GF and stop the high school drama of him begging to be a third wheel in your relationship.
If he keeps pulling this, it’s time for a sit-down and a talk between you and S of “You are getting in the way of me having any kind of relationship with this girl. I want you to know you will still be included in ‘friend time’, but she and I need time as BF/GF – which won’t include you, and I will not be running plans by you as they don’t involve you.
If we have time to hang as a group, you will of course be welcomed if you are available.”” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter what relationship your friend wants with you and your gf. It only matters to want a relationship between the three if you have one.
Sounds like it’s you and your bf, and your friend wants in, but is not. He doesn’t get a say-so in who you date, when you date, where you date. This dog’s death anniversary business is a red flag. He’s trying to control and manipulate you.
You need to put distance between you. You don’t need to be sensitive to his feelings. He’s not sensitive to yours, is he?” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Except the significant other. I’m assuming you’re all very young? This reminds me of my first partner at the age of 14 and his bestie always wanted to tag along on our “dates”.
Regardless you need stronger boundaries. Why in the world would you tell your friend you’d get his permission before making plans with your significant other? And what significant other would even put up with this nonsense?” DaleCoopersWife
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister-In-Law At My Goodbye Party?
“I (21 f) am going off to a PhD program in a different state, which is a big deal in my family because all of my siblings who attended college stayed in state (I also stayed in state for undergrad).
Because of this, my mom wanted to throw me a goodbye party with most of my direct family there. I wasn’t super thrilled, as I was going to see most of the family individually before leaving, but my mom was adamant.
Here’s where it gets complicated. I love my oldest brother (30 M), but dislike my sister-in-law (29 F).
I won’t go into every detail but list a few of the big things she constantly asks about my personal life in front of my family despite me advocating I’m uncomfortable getting passive-aggressive gifts like getting XL clothes despite knowing I’m an S because “you just look like you’ve gained so much weight”, and saying controversial things to get a rise out of people.
The worst is that she is incredibly condescending to my brother in front of us, and it makes everyone uncomfortable. To clarify, my family also doesn’t like her but doesn’t say anything out of fear of losing my brother.
I explained to my mother that if she wanted this party, I would agree but this particular brother and sister-in-law couldn’t be invited. My mom was hesitant and pushed that it would be nice for my brother to say goodbye.
But I pushed back with that we didn’t have to have a party, but if we did I would want it to be something I enjoy; I understand I will always have to see her at birthdays, holidays, etc. but I wanted this one event to be one she didn’t make miserable.
My mom agreed to invite all the other family, though she was disappointed.
The next day I spent time making all the plans and even changing some of my preexisting plans to make the party work. When my mom got home I asked if she had invited everyone and she said she couldn’t bring herself to invite all but one of my siblings.
I was frustrated, not at not having the party anymore, but because she had SAID she would be the one to invite people. I had spent a good chunk of the day making plans. I tried to express this frustration to my mother and she snapped and said I was putting her “in-between” my brother and me.
I get her perspective but also I never even wanted this event, and she could have said no. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As another commenter pointed out, this party isn’t for you, OP, it’s for your mom. But you don’t have to go. Just tell Mom she planned a party you didn’t want to begin with and then invited people you asked her explicitly not to, you aren’t going.
That simple. She doesn’t like the answer, that’s on her and she can deal with the discomfort of having a party with no ‘guest of honor’. People who pull this nonsense need to deal with the fallout of their own decisions. And she made every decision herself, no one forced her.
Point that out to her, too. NTJ.” LettheWorldBurn1776
Another User Comments:
“Don’t go to the party. This is all about the image your mother wants to portray. You told your mother your boundary and now she can live with the repercussions of crossing the boundary she agreed to honor.
See all of your family on one and leave for school. You didn’t do this to anyone, your mother did. She can deal with the fact you are refusing to be a better doormat. Your mother has shown she is more comfortable sacrificing your mental health and comfort than dealing with the dislike that is your SIL.
NTJ” Igottime23
12. AITJ For Wanting My Brother's Partner To Replace Damaged Manga?
“So I (30M) have a small collection of manga that I’ve been building since I was 14. It’s not a passion necessarily, but I’ve enjoyed several manga since I first started reading and I like having physical copies of my favorite series for rereading. Anyway, I have a younger brother Alan (25M) and he has a partner Emma (22F).
Alan also likes manga, but got into it later than I did and only has partial collections of a couple of series and full collections of maybe two series. He also generally reads less than me.
Emma, however, is a bookworm. She was one of those very smart gifted kids who was always reading instead of doing anything else, but she stopped reading for a few years for some reason, then started up again this year.
Alan has been trying to get her into manga since she had a short anime phase in her teens and recommended a series that I have all the volumes of. He let her read the first one while she was visiting our parents (this particular series is living on a bookshelf in Alan’s room at our parent’s place) and she loved it.
Alan asked if he could give Emma the other volumes to take back to their shared apartment so she could keep reading the series. I said sure, as I trust them both to not lose or damage them.
That was a couple of months ago.
Last week, Alan and Emma came to visit my wife and me and decided to bring the books and drop them off. Emma thanked me more than once for allowing her to borrow my set and we had some fun conversations about what she thought of the story and the artwork.
After they left, I took the manga into the shared office space I have with my wife and started placing the set on my bookshelf. As I was placing the individual volumes, I noticed that volume 7 had a wrinkle down the length of the spine.
None of the other volumes had their spines broken or any other noticeable wear and tear, but the one broken spine made me a bit upset. I lent these under the condition that Emma wouldn’t break or damage them, and she returned one of them with a visibly broken spine.
It’s also the second set I completed, so there’s some sentimental value there. The first few volumes still have little color-coded tabs in them from my phase of kind-of-annotating my manga.
Would it be a jerk move if I asked Emma to buy me a replacement copy of that volume?”
Another User Comments:
“WIBTJ and I say that as someone who is also very particular about the condition of my books and can’t stand a broken spine (the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for me). You and I might be extra sensitive about this sort of thing, but the vast majority of people consider a broken spine to be basic wear and tear, just something that happens in the course of reading.
(And they’re right! It happens to me sometimes too, despite always trying to be extra careful with my books!) If it bothers you, by all means, replace it yourself, but the cost of the volume ($15-20?) is not worth the strained relationship with your brother and his partner if you ask her to pony up.
The first rule of being this kind of book lover: don’t lend anyone a book that has sentimental value or that you want to get back in perfect condition! Honestly, if you lend someone 6+ books and only one of them comes back with any visible wear and tear whatsoever, consider yourself lucky.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“When I read the title of this I was expecting her to have lost or destroyed the book. Honestly, did you expect someone to borrow a book and not break the spine? That kind of stuff just happens with casual reading. If you want your books in mint condition, maybe don’t loan them out to people.
This is the equivalent of letting someone borrow a pair of new sneakers and being upset that there’s a crease or some dirt in the treads. Like, what did you think was going to happen??? **YTJ**” YoungLutePlayer
Another User Comments:
“WIBTJ. You don’t know how the damage happened. It more than likely happened accidentally, considering none of the other volumes incurred similar damage (book folders tend to do that sort of thing to *all* books, not just one).
Besides (and speaking as a book-lover myself), is one wrinkle worth the drama that would ensue from making a big deal out of it? I think little things like that give a book character. If it genuinely bothers you, why not replace the one volume and be done with it?
That’s what I would do.” Nevermore_Novelist
11. AITJ For Charging My Eldest Son Rent For His Own Room?
“I’m a single mom of 5 (16M, 14M, 10M, 9F, 7M) renting a 3-bedroom house.
Up until 2 months ago the 2 eldest boys shared a room, the 3 youngest shared, and I had the smallest room.
For the last few years, my eldest complained non-stop about having to share a room with his little brother. Most of his friends’ parents are wealthy so he’s constantly comparing our situation to theirs.
He started working when he was 14 (a few hours a week) for a little extra money, now at 16 he works a lot (more than I would like) and this summer he has been working full-time.
He’s not too bad with his money and saves some of it, but the rest goes to video games, clothes/shoes, and junk food.
2 months ago, my son and I were discussing his distaste for sharing a room with his brother and he said he’d drop out of school now if it meant he could move out into his own space.
I told him I had looked at 4-bedroom rentals in our area, but they were just too expensive. He asked if he could pay the difference if we did move. I told him no because, during the school year, all his money would be going to rent not his savings and his spending money.
That obviously wouldn’t sit right with me.
However, we did come up with a compromise. For $50 a month, he could have my bedroom my 10-year-old could move in with my 14-year-old and I would sleep in our living room (our couch is already a pull-out).
This was 2 months ago, and we already made the switch, and everybody is happy with the new setup.
All the money my son is paying me is going straight into my Christmas savings and then after Christmas will go into a summer trip savings.
I recently told some of my friends what I was doing and they’re against it.
They think I’m wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don’t disagree, and it makes me feel like a jerk.
My 14-year-old son is also unhappy about the arrangement, he thinks it’s unfair older brother is getting his room and that his middle brother should have stayed in his old room. I can see how he feels it’s unfair that his older brother has the chance to pay for his room when he (or the other kids) doesn’t have the same opportunity.
It seems bad to renege with my oldest now, but I’m not sure if I made a mistake agreeing to this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your eldest wanted his own space, and you found a solution that works for everyone without breaking the bank. He gets privacy, you get some help with expenses, and everyone else adjusts.
Sounds like a win-win, right? But the fact that your 14-year-old is feeling left out? Yeah, that’s the fly in the ointment. Making your son pay a small amount for the room isn’t the issue—it teaches him responsibility, budgeting, and that nothing in life is free.
But the fairness aspect with the other kids needs to be addressed. Maybe it’s time for a family pow-wow to discuss how this arrangement works and why it was made. It might not make everyone happy, but at least they’ll understand the reasoning.
No jerks here. You’re trying to make the best out of a tough situation. Just keep the communication open with all your kids, so no one feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick—or the short end of the couch, in your case.” 410Writer
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh Kinda YTJ in my opinion Mostly because you’re saving his money for “summer trips.” Babe put that in a savings account for him so he can move out at 18 or 19 more easily. If you can’t afford a 4 bedroom for 6 people I think trips have to be off the table for now.
I don’t think it’s the worst idea to have him pay the $50 but be prepared for your 14-year-old to want the same deal shortly. Also, what happens when 9F gets a little older and *really* needs her own space away from her brothers?
Idk, even if 16M moves out as soon as he legally can, you’re still going to have a frustrated 14M who wants the deal his brother got and a preteen/teen girl going through puberty who should *not* be sharing a room with any of her brothers.
I don’t know your situation, but the best advice I can give is don’t go back on your deal, SAVE the $$ 16M gives you for when he turns 18, and work on getting that extra space for when your kids get a little bit older.” User
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Chose Her Friends Over My Birthday?
“My sister and I are both teenagers with me being 2 years older than her, I am the eldest daughter. Throughout our childhood, it has been very emphasized that being at a friend’s house or anywhere that you don’t have to be on a sibling’s birthday is completely unacceptable.
There were many times I wanted to go places with friends but I wasn’t allowed because it was her birthday. I always found this rule fair because it’s a day to celebrate the life of your loved ones and why would we want to miss it anyways?
My sister has recently been very angry due to personal reasons but she has been letting it out on me. She constantly yells at me, gives me the cold shoulder, insults me, and tries everything in her power to hurt me then cries and says she’s a horrible person and I should hate her.
I end up having to comfort her and it’s exhausting and to be honest, a little irritating.
Today one of her best friends (Lily) mom said a friend (Jane) of her and her best friend was visiting for a while and was wondering if she wanted to stay at her house so she, Lily, and Jane could all hang out.
Jane is staying from Friday-Sunday, my birthday is on Sunday. My sister said she wanted to stay the whole time so she could hang out with her friends, I brought it up that my birthday is on Sunday and she said “Well Jane is gonna be here” and completely shrugged me off.
To be honest it hurt a little bit especially because I take such priority to be there on her birthday and it feels like she’s choosing her friend over me. Another thing that makes me a little more upset is that I had planned a day for me and my family that I knew that she and everyone else would love and she knows my plan and told me she was ecstatic and couldn’t wait.
Not only that but she previously promised that she would not miss my birthday for the world. I know this seems so miniscule and insignificant but it is very important she is here and she is well aware of that.
After this happened I was kind of cold and gave her short responses as I was frustrated and hurt by her actions.
When I brought it up to her she blew up on me and ended up making me feel like I was in the wrong for being upset. So Am I the jerk for reacting how I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are rightfully upset but I would advise you to put on your big sister’s pants and try to have a frank and open-hearted conversation with her because it seems like something bigger than you think might be actually up with her.
I think you should frame it in terms of how you feel and try not to let anger mask your sadness that she is not gonna be there for you. Tell her just what you said here: you are hurt, you were looking forward to this and this is important to you, as shown by the fact that you’re always there on her birthday.
Focus on “I” statements instead of attacking. Maybe she’ll take a chance to open up as well. I know it’s hard because yes, she should take the first step towards repairing herself. But you are the big sister after all and you can take this as an opportunity to get closer.
Even if she gives you attitude or she refuses to be vulnerable in the moment, she’ll appreciate it eventually.” That_SincereB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s legit to be upset that your sibling doesn’t want to be a part of your birthday celebration. Handling your emotions so that you aren’t being rude is important, but it doesn’t sound like you were.
It sounds like she’s going through something that is making her a bit mood-swing-ish, but it’s not fair of her to take that out on you.” AngryIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset, but you have to understand at some points she wouldn’t be there for your birthday just like at some points you won’t be there for her.
It’s a part of growing up. People want to do their things sometimes & that’s OK too. I get that she said she would be there but unfortunately sometimes plans change. Don’t let it ruin your day.” Tough_Breadfruit_830
9. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My FIL For Announcing Our Pregnancy Before We Did?
“For context, our relationship with FIL is complicated already. FIL has narcissistic tendencies, berates his kids if they do something he doesn’t agree with, plays the victim card, and gets jealous and petty.
The wife leans towards being low contact anyway because of stuff that happened in the past and how she is treated.
We are expecting our first child (currently 14 weeks in). We are excited and nervous and all those other emotions. We wanted to wait until the next ultrasound appointment (next week) before we shared on socials in case of miscarriage or other issues.
We told both our parents around week 6-7 and they are over the moon (this is the first grandchild on my side, the first biological grandchild for her dad (Her mom died, FIL remarried and we currently have 4 step nieces/nephews with another 2 coming before us).
At this point, the people closest to us already know so we don’t care too much if people let it slip to their close friends.
We told both parents to not tell anyone on social media before we did (because of common concerns about announcing too early).
My parents were ok with that as long as they could tell the aunts and uncles they have close relationships with (which we were ok with). My FIL was struggling with waiting. He would call/talk with us every week or so to tell us how it was killing him to not share the news.
We told him that we know it sucks to wait for 2 months since they knew but we were adamant to tell him no social media.
Cut to yesterday, we found out from my SIL that he made a post about how much he loves his 4 grandkids and how much he is excited about the “3 on the way”.
The other two expecting moms already shared but we had not. He was already getting comments about who was the third and his response was “stay tuned”. I told my wife that we needed to confront her dad about not respecting our wishes. She agreed that FIL stepped over the line but was too tired from work to deal with it then.
We are seeing him this Saturday for another family thing but I am not sure if this is worth the conflict or if it will do more harm than good. We are already ok if it slips out and he was patient for 1 1/2 months, but he ignored our request to wait.
WIBTJ if we chewed him out for posting about his grandkid before we did after telling him not to.”
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those posts where the answer is so obvious, that it’s clear they have pushed you into such a beaten-down and negative position, that you don’t even know what reasonable behavior is anymore.
He sounds fun. He deliberately went against your wishes, hurt your feelings, and mislaid your trust for his ends. But you’re asking if you are wrong for telling him off? NTJ. If you don’t want a big argument because he won’t listen then don’t, but he needs consequences like low contact or no trust with any details ever again.
Otherwise, you’re teaching your child it’s ok for people to treat them poorly.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I feel chewing him out will be pointless. He waited 1 1/2 months and you didn’t care too much that other people might let it slip. I don’t think your wife needs the negative energy of getting into it with her father.
Just don’t tell him anything that you aren’t ready to share publicly from now on. If he complains about being last to know you are having a boy or when your child is born you can remind him then that he proved he couldn’t keep things to himself.
My mom was the nicest woman ever but she was also a talker. She was excited and told my aunt about my pregnancy before we had told anyone but our parents. It had been awhile and I guess it was hard. My aunt walked up to me at an event made a comment about my pregnancy and blindsided me.
I was surrounded by people I had not told yet. I wasn’t happy but I didn’t chew my mom out. It reminded me to be more careful about information. I loved my mom dearly and she was a great grandparent to my child.
I’m glad she was excited I guess.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think yelling at him will do any good, will just waste your time, and force you into a negative state of mind. So I’ll say YTJ because I think it would hurt YOU.
But, now you know and never share anything with him that you expect to be kept secret. He just can’t do it. You kind of already knew he was like that, so you do share some responsibility yourself in including him in the announcement.” eightmarshmallows
8. AITJ For Banning My Roommate From Using My Fridge After She Left It Full Of Rotten Food?
“Now, for a context: I (24F) live on a student campus. My dorm is a corridor-type one and it only has one kitchen per floor. In each kitchen, there are two fridges for common use, but there aren’t many people who keep their food in there, for these fridges are tiny, and there are approximately 70 tenants on each floor.
Another reason (and a kind of brutal unspoken rule) is that whatever food you put in there is as good as gone because anyone can easily steal it. So, most of the tenants, me included, have their fridges in their rooms.
I bought my fridge 5 years ago, when I first moved to the campus and had always let my roommates, of whom I had four, use it as long as they could keep it in order.
I never used to have any problems until I met my current roommate (25F). She isn’t much into cleaning, even after herself, which irritates me, but I can put up with it as long as it doesn’t concern my stuff. However, a couple of times I had to ask her to mind what she stocks in the fridge because some of her food started to rot and stink.
This summer, after the semester was over, I went to my parents for 3 weeks and told her that if she were going to leave, too, she needed to get rid of all her perishables in the fridge (I always do this with mine, when going to be away for a long time), and she promised to do so.
However, when I went back to the dorm a week ago, I found my fridge full of rotten veggies and rotten raw meat, and though I threw this abomination away, it’s still hard to get rid of the reek. The problem was, that the roommate didn’t go away for holidays, she was there, in this room, all the time and chose to turn my fridge into a mess.
This wasn’t the first time she’d done it, but the most serious one, so I banned her from using my fridge, saying that from now on if I found any of her foods in it, I’d throw it away or put it into the public fridge and won’t be concerned about what would happen to it next.
I guess, she complained about it to our mutual friends, for now, I’m getting angry messages, saying that I am a jerk and being cruel to her and now she may be left without any food because she’s afraid of it being stolen from the public fridge.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. She’s the real jerk. I wonder if she skewed the story to your other friends or if they are that dense. It isn’t her right to be able to use your fridge, it’s a privilege. If she needed to use it so badly then she should have respected it.
She sounds insufferable. Stick to your guns. If you lose friends over not letting them destroy your things.. they weren’t good friends. Hope you aren’t stuck with her long friend!” DrJones1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your friends keep giving you a hard time, tell them they are welcome to let her use their fridge or chip in on one for her.
I’d let them know you came home to food and meat rotting in your fridge and needed to clean it out. I’d also let the roommate know that using the fridge is a privilege and that using it like a compost bin is the reason she no longer has access to it.
If you have tried coffee grounds in the fridge to get rid of their smell, it usually helps.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sure whatever she said to your mutual friends was not the full truth, because there are very few people who would tolerate that kind of disgusting ‘care’ of your property, and then think she should be entitled to keep using it.
She’s perfectly capable of buying her own fridge, since she has proven that she can afford to waste food.” TrainingDearest
7. AITJ For Not Specifically Inviting A Friend To A Last-Minute Sleepover?
“I’m gonna try to make it as short as possible but I need to explain the whole context for ya’ll to understand the situation, so please bear with me.
So, me and my friends work at the same hospital. It happened because we spent so much time here (and therefore with each other) that we eventually became friends and started hanging out outside of the hospital as well.
We are quite a big group but there are five of us who are closer to each other, mostly because we are like the “original” group, and the others started working there later. I’m gonna name them Sarah, Jessica, Kate, and Lilly for the sake of this post.
Sarah works on weekdays as well as weekends, while the rest of us only work M-F. This is important for the post since because of this, Sarah can’t come to all the plans we make. We always invite her, but she sometimes has to say no because of work, and she has complained before about feeling left out, but we don’t think it’s our fault we have a different schedule.
So last weekend, it was Kate’s birthday and she threw a little party/get-together at her place. We are very open and comfortable with each other, so we knew Kate wouldn’t have a problem if someone needed to sleep over as long as there were free spots to sleep at.
Lilly and I went together to the party, we planned to go back home after that because we didn’t want to bother Kate, but when we got there we found out that Jessica was sleeping over, so since Kate was having guests anyway, Lilly asked me if I cared to stay so she could drink, I said no, I didn’t mind.
Kate said multiple times throughout the party that if anyone wanted to sleep at her place, we could. No one else accepted her offer.
When it was time to leave, Sarah was upset that she was “left out” from the sleepover, we all told her that she could stay, but she said that we should’ve told her “sooner” because she didn’t have her stuff with her.
We told Sarah that it was a last-minute thing, there was no way we could’ve told her sooner. Also, she very well knew that Kate’s doors were open to all of us, she could’ve asked or brought her stuff with me just in case.
So, AWTA??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was barely inclusion let alone exclusion, lol. You just decided on the fly. Let her be mad if she wants to be mad, but no one excluded her from the plans, because there were no plans made. You and Lily also didn’t have ‘stuff’ to stay over with.
It’s called being an adult. You wake up with your clothes twisted around you, or off because it was all women, you brush your teeth with your finger and go home to shower and change.” ChaoticCapricorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, at this age, I question even calling anything a “sleepover” anymore.
Maybe that’s just my age talking, but I’m only 41 so… I dunno. You guys decided to crash after drinking. Plenty of people do it. You don’t need a change of clothes. Sarah could’ve easily crashed and just borrowed a shirt to sleep in and worn the same clothes home, right?
Is this not still done? Is it strange that my friends and I do this any time someone drinks and we don’t want them to drive when they’re intoxicated? Sarah overreacted, and your other 4 could’ve easily offered a solution. But, no, you’re not the jerk.” Slayed_Wilson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My friends are like this with my place. We are lucky enough to have a spare room with a double bunk, and it’s always an open offer. It is rarely taken up, but one night when we are all here one guy announces he’s got a promotion at work.
We all knew how hard he worked for that, and got super excited! Cracked out all the booze, baked a cake, the works, and somehow we slept 6 extra people at our place on the couch, air mattress, and bunks. Sometimes things happen and plans are absolutely last minute.
Not sure why Sarah didn’t just stay?” DgShwgrl
6. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Partner's Family Won't Call Me 'Mija'?
“I (23F, white) have been with my partner (24M, Mexican) for nearly 9 years. We currently live together and are very open with both of our families about wanting to marry and have children shortly. I do not speak fluent Spanish, but I try my best to build relationships with his non-English-speaking family, which includes both of his parents.
I have never been given a nickname (which I have come to realize that a nickname is given almost to every family member) or been called Mija. This never really bothered me as I assumed they just didn’t because I am not a blood family member and have not shared a child with my partner yet (the other partners all share a child with their respective partner).
However, recently, one of his cousins and his new partner moved into their (my partner’s parents) home. They quickly began calling her mija. This caused some sort of feelings (possibly jealousy, insecurity, or outcast maybe?) so I decided to bring it up to my partner.
As soon as I mentioned that his family does not call me mija I was wondering why. He quickly became angry and said it was a “respect thing.” I asked, “If it is a respect thing then why does everyone else get called it?” Like essentially, in my head, it was like he was saying they don’t respect anyone but me which is just plain nonsense.
He then said that they all respect each other, which made me feel like he disproved his rebuttal. Anyway, we went in circles and he finally called his mom to ask (which I didn’t want him to do) and she said it because she is “more comfortable” calling me by my name than by mija.
It kind of hurt my feelings that a girl they barely know is being called “my daughter” but their potential daughter-in-law (they have no daughters btw) isn’t called that. I think it also hurts because I know it is said in an endearing way to her and everyone else.
After he called his mom, he called me ungrateful and accused me of saying his parents/family didn’t respect me even though this is not what I meant at all, and was just trying to express my worries. Like do they not like me enough to call me that?
Is it because I am white? Is it truly out of respect? Should I have kept this to myself? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m mixed-race Latino and white, just to qualify for the people who feel like it’s a prerequisite before speaking about this kind of thing.
They almost definitely don’t call you that because you’re white. It’s not a respect thing. My Latino family has no problem using Spanish words to refer to my white family members to their faces, including affectionate words like mija. Whether it’s because they don’t like you or because they think you wouldn’t like it is up in the air.
At least one of those two options is coming from a good place. I think your partner is probably lashing out at you because he feels uncomfortable and either didn’t notice it before or was hoping that his family’s biases wouldn’t have to be addressed. Hoping that it’s the second option and a misunderstanding but they may be a little biased, or at least want to Other you for reasons.
But I wouldn’t assume that unless other things lead you to believe this.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Play On The Playground At My Sister's Wedding?
“Two weeks ago my sister (Jenni F29) got married to (Jordon M31). Their ceremony was outdoors with around 20 tables, each sitting 6 guests. I (F26)was the maid of honor and my husband (Santi F27) was a groomsman.
A couple of months back when I received the official wedding invite my sister had left a note on the back of the invite stating that she had no problem with my daughter (F2) attending the wedding.
Originally my husband and I were going to have her stay home with a sitter but unfortunately, the sitter canceled last minute and we had no choice but to take her with us.
On our way to the wedding, we informed the bride, groom, and my mother about the last-minute change.
Both the bride and groom liked the text but did not reply. My mother however asked what your plans were now that the babysitter had canceled. At the time we told her that we weren’t sure.
Once at the wedding though, before I had to go get ready I found my younger cousin Dani (F15) and asked her if she could watch my daughter for the majority of the ceremony in exchange for money.
She agreed and my daughter was handed off.
During the ceremony, I noticed that during the exchanging of the vows Dani and my daughter were gone. I didn’t learn until after the ceremony that my daughter had gotten restless and bored resulting in Dani taking her over to the playground nearby.
The wedding went off without a hitch to my knowledge but earlier today I got a text from Jenni saying “Jordon and I were looking back at the wedding video and I noticed that Dani and (my daughter) weren’t in the photo. The missing from the video is messing up the image I wanted my wedding to give.
Mom told me that Dani took (my daughter) to the playground, which can be seen in the footage. I am just telling you this to let you know that I will be having the photographer crop Dani and (my daughter) out of the final photo so that no one notices any inconsistencies with the guests”.
I am very upset by this but I do sort of understand where my sister is coming from. She’s always dreamed of having the fairytale wedding and in her eyes, my daughter’s and cousins’ disappearance messed with her vision. But I also know that my daughter is 2 and it was better for her to be removed from the setting than stay and potentially start crying.
So AITJ for letting my daughter play on the playground at my sister’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Good for Dani and her quick thinking. Seems like it was no real fault of your own you had to bring a 2-year-old. Feels like the bride is looking for something to be peeved about.
Would she rather have had a squirming 2-year-old making noise during the ceremony? Do you know who notices that there are inconsistencies in guests in photos? No one. Maybe Dani’s mom or dad? If there is someone by some miracle notices here’s how that conversation goes “Oh hey… why isn’t Dani in this picture, but she’s in that one.” “Don’t you remember?
At the last minute, OP’s babysitter fell through and they had to bring their 2-year-old. Dani acted as a babysitter and I think took the kiddo somewhere when she got a little rambunctious” “Oh yeah that’s right. I forgot. Oh look at this picture, you look great here” “Thanks” *end scene* That they are calling this out as some sort of *thing*… pretty petty.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jenni is being ridiculous. Nobody is going to be poring over the video and pictures, and noting that not everybody in the posed family photo is visible in the pews, or vice versa. BTW, you didn’t “let” your daughter go play, that was your very smart and responsible cousin Dani, who is the only one who should be disappointed by what happened because she had to miss part of the ceremony.” CatteNappe
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Mum Use My Car To Visit Her Partner?
“My Mum lives with my husband & me due to her limited retirement budget & advancing age (she’s 68). She has been single for 12 years following her 3rd divorce from a lovely man she was unkind to after he became disabled. I have been her biggest cheerleader & financial supporter during her transition from divorce, and recovery from her 2nd bankruptcy, helped her find & get a job, retire at 62, and get established with the VA for health/mental health care (essentially kicking & screaming), and yet I can’t get her to barely lift a finger to pick up after herself or her 3-year-old pug.
She totaled her SUV in 2023 after her 2nd accident that year & she is not able to take on a car payment until she pays down some debt (and we’re in no position to co-sign with 4 kids (2 over 20, 2 teens, and a grandchild on the way).
I even added her to my insurance so she could drive my car on occasion, obtaining full coverage just in case (yes, I’m terrified every time she borrows the car). Anyway, in 2024, she started experimenting with online socializing & she met someone she was convinced she was in love with.
He’s a bit younger, works at a pizza place, is a year sober, lives in a sober living facility, and does not have a car or license. In the last 6 months, she’s overdrawn her bank account several times & borrowed $500 while borrowing my car 4 x’s a week & only filling up the tank a couple of times.
I try not to be judgmental, but the red flags are blowing in the wind here.
My car is very well known and noticeable & I am concerned about it being at a recovery facility since I am a counselor. My job has a zero-tolerance policy & for good reason.
Boundaries are important. As a result, she is no longer allowed to drive my car there & I don’t want this dude at my home.
She screamed at me I was taking away her rights; but while I am not a fan of this fella, I am only taking away her privilege to drive my car to her partner’s recovery house or have him at our home.
She is free to come & go as she pleases with friends & I have shown her how to use Uber & Lyft. I just need to take my car out of the recovery house equation. She continues to cry to me & negotiate to go over there in my car.
I told her I could not give her any more money & she needed to figure out how to see her partner on her own. AITJ or am I protecting my career & my livelihood?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Driving is a privilege, not a right.
You are doing a good thing by setting up a boundary for your car. Not only is your reputation (vehicle being known) but wouldn’t it also affect any credit/insurance under your name if she did get into any more trouble? What if there was an accident and you need it while she’s out with this partner?
Do you think she’d leave him for that moment to come to you and safely for that matter? I don’t want to seem very rude or inconsiderate but your mother needs to prioritize the reality of responsibility in this situation concerning you and your belongings.
But you also need to be a bit more firm with her and think that maybe in the future she could do better living on her own.” generic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like you’re giving up your peace of mind and she’s not grateful for all that you’ve done.
You may want to look into based on income, senior living facilities for her. You know not to sign your name to anything on her behalf. You are correct that you should not put your job or your livelihood in jeopardy for her poor decision-making. This is a train wreck waiting to happen and you know she’s gonna refuse to see it until it’s too late.” United-Manner20
3. AITJ For Wanting To Socialize Without My Partner At A Bar?
“So this coming weekend me (male) and my friends who are also all male are planning to go to this bar as we have in the past. My partner, let’s call her Jenna, is also planning to go with her 1 friend Zoe because the rest of her friend group can’t make it.
However, Zoe was asked by some of her other friends to go out as well, however, these friends don’t know my partner. So Zoe, my partner, and Zoe’s friends are going to the same bar as me and my friends but Zoe and her friends are planning to leave after a few hours to somewhere else.
This is where the problem starts, my partner sort of expected me to be with her, by her side the whole time after Zoe leaves. Keep in mind this would probably be a couple of hours. Now, I love spending time with my partner and I don’t mind doing this but I told her, I would prefer if you did go with Zoe and her friends to this other bar.
This bar that me and my friends are going to, has a lot of people that we are distant friends with as well so you talk to everyone in there which is what I like to do. Unfortunately, my partner isn’t like that, and she sort of keeps to the same crowd.
She’s good friends with practically my whole friend group but it’s just the fact that they’re all boys, so she wants me to be with her the whole time after Zoe leaves. I don’t want that responsibility of always keeping her by my side and sort of staying in the same place, I want to go talk to all my friends in there and let loose and enjoy myself.
Am I the jerk for that? Just to make it clear, I’m not planning to go talk to any females in there or anything, there will be a lot of my male friends there that I just want to have a laugh and drink with.
My partner thinks I am selfish and being a bad partner for thinking this way though, I understand where she is coming from but I did say to her, that if she plans to stay there after Zoe and her friends leave, then I will be by her side and I would still enjoy it even though it’s not my first option.
So now my partner is pretty angry with me, I have no issues with what she’s saying, I completely understand her perspective. I’m just not sure how to progress from this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but can’t positively tell from your story. Written too poorly and not objectively.
Let her come, and be sure to firmly introduce her / include her in conversations. After she picked up a talk or two with a friend you can roam a bit. She sounds insecure, but you can make a small effort to include her as well.
All my friends and my partner have a habit of pulling me in somewhere without a strong introduction or “setting the stage” for me. That’s tough. But they also accept it if I just hang next to them or around them. If you don’t wanna mix up then don’t, but if you do and your partner is bad at it just communicate about it normally.
We all have flaws.” SamsUserProfile
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Partner To A Work-Related Fashion Event?
“I have a job in social media for fashion. I get perks like sample sales but I’m a size 12 so there are very few things I can buy. I also sometimes get gifted designer items like purses or promo items.
Since it is my JOB I’m sick of discussing fashion and since I WFH I have a couple of nice items in case I have a work lunch or something or I might rent clothes but my stuff isn’t flashy.
My brother’s new partner Ana is one of those people who think if you post LV on something it makes it couture. She has this insane idea that she sees my Instagram (remember rent clothes for events) that I have money and I can invite her to these events and sample sales.
There was a sample sale and my mom asked me about it and I told her I wasn’t planning on going I would have her go as my plus one if she wanted but mom said the date and time didn’t work for her. My mom is classy and had a job in advertising.
(My mom got me the “in” on my current industry) She knows how to act. My brother’s partner is not one of those people I would want around my peers because many of them would be there. I barely tolerate her and I told her that this is a work event for me so I take my mom because she has worked in the industry.
My Ana thinks that the Kardashians and stuff like that are high fashion or putting logos on a bag is classy. This isn’t the event for her. Even on sale, these are not clothes I could afford (or fit into), and mom and I go for the cheaper accessories and maybe mingle for job security, because let’s face it with layoffs everyone in marketing and advertising everyone is on edge.
I told Ana maybe another one and this event isn’t just open to everyone. My mom saw what was going on and she said that she already had an “in” on this sample sale and that’s why she could go.
Ana and my brother tried arguing with me and my mom and I said no. Ana can’t go.
My mom went as far as saying Ana doesn’t know how to be gracious since she has to argue when someone says no.
Ana stormed off calling us gatekeeping mean girls (directed at both me and my mom) and my brother thought we should apologize to her and I refused to citing to my brother this is exactly why I would never invite Ana anywhere.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ana is acting like an immature brat. She should learn, and soon, that “no” means “no” and she won’t get what she wants by storming away when someone says it to her. Your brother is allowing Ana to act this way towards his mother and sister.
If my SO said something like that to a sibling and/or my mother, he would be out the door so fast no one would see him go. There are good reasons why you don’t want Ana there, and your brother thinks he knows better than you.
He doesn’t. Stand your ground.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m a line cook, when we create a new dish do I get to take it home for everyone to enjoy? Do I get a free table for two guests to eat off the menu and berate my coworkers?
No, the only person who ever got special treatment who I had a family bond with was my ex because he was also a line cook. This is your job, not some random fun event you had tickets to but can’t make unless she plans to work whatever that would have been/entails, she doesn’t get to make demands (and let’s be real, even if she tried she wouldn’t be able to handle it).” Error_Evan_not_found
1. AITJ For Being Distant With My Partner After She Hid A Text From Me?
“I (23 male) have been with my partner (24 female) for a little over five months now, everything is cool, and we’re a good couple.
We have not had any major issues or anything as strong as this.
For context, I’ve had a few relationships before, and most of them ended up in a mess, I got betrayed and lied to, and things have been hidden from me. So much so that I’ve established certain rules for myself, never forgiving any betrayal, any lie, or any secret that involves me, and I’ve told her this even before we established ourselves as a couple, so she is pretty aware of it.
Important to clarify that I don’t expect to know everything that’s going on with my partner, she has a right to her privacy, and I think I do as well, so I won’t expect to know everything and every single detail about her talks or her friendships, I trust her and I know she trusts me.
Now onto the issue, last night we were chilling in her place, talking and trying to decide what to order for dinner, as we were watching options on her phone, a text came up, it was her cousin, the text was something along the lines of “I send it here instead of tagging you, in case your partner could see it and cause troubles.”
Immediately she tried to close it and act like nothing happened, of course, I mentioned it to her, but she got all defensive, and said it wasn’t for me to see, and tried to keep her cell phone away. That’s when alarms started sounding in my head and thought she was hiding something really bad (I know I let my past trauma get the worst of me, but I wasn’t thinking straight) Immediately I got up from the bed and started going through the door, I didn’t want to fight or figure out what was all about.
She grabbed my arm and started apologizing, saying she just got nervous and didn’t want me to feel offended.
In the end, it was just a dumb meme about something my partner and I had discussed. It wasn’t a major issue, but it was personal enough that I wouldn’t want her cousin, best friends, or anyone to know about it.
Now I know it wasn’t that big of a deal, or that big of a secret, but the thing is that she tried to hide it, knowing that’s something I don’t accept. I’ve tried to forgive her since it wasn’t that bad. But something inside me won’t come around, so I’ve been really cold and distant today.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you guys may have some miscommunication issues, and sure making jokes with personal friends or family is usually okay, but it’s not if the joke is something you feel uncomfortable with. She tried hiding it from you and lied to you about it because in her defense she knew that it would cause problems, yet if she knew you’d get mad or have issues about it why would she let it happen?
She doesn’t respect your boundaries. However, I do think you should get a therapist to talk to about your past trauma or have a clear and honest chat with your partner about it. You set boundaries, and she needs to respect them. If she doesn’t then, dump her!” Complete-Vehicle-230
Another User Comments:
“You need therapy. Not forgiving betrayal is fine but the other two, although they sound reasonable, in practice aren’t. Secrets and lies have huge scales. They aren’t inherently bad or harmful and are often necessary. I also think that most people do need someone to discuss their relationship with at some point and that it’s not that they do it that’s a problem, it’s when they do it disrespectfully or discuss it with people who will use the information inappropriately.
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. You need to trust your partner never to intentionally harm you which doesn’t mean they don’t ever lie or keep a secret but that they never do it if it’s to your detriment. Remember lies and secrets are not just about you, they are also about when, where, and how your partner wants to address issues – issues that may be more about them than you.
The hardest part about trauma is making sure we don’t offload it onto others to make ourselves feel more comfortable.” throwAWweddingwoe
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