People Get Defensive Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Adopt My Sister-In-Law's Second Child?
“We (36f, 38m) adopted my husband’s nephew (3), and his mother is pregnant again. I don’t want another one of her children because I still want a pregnancy of my own.
I love our son but he was born with health issues and requires a lot of attention. We are JUST starting to find a rhythm and I’m overwhelmed by the thought of another child who may also have health problems and so soon.
His mother also puts us through a lot still. My husband and I already agreed we can’t even see discussing trying again ourselves for the rest of this year so this news was a bombshell. I feel as though my last chance of conceiving and delivering a child is being stolen.
My husband is on the fence and has essentially left me to be the bad guy and decide to either put us through this experience with his sister all over again or be the jerk the whole family blames for saying no.
At the core though, I’ve always wanted to experience a pregnancy and I’ve already indefinitely postponed that chance to take care of one of my SIL’s kids so I am seething with resentment she’s asking us to go through this again and having a hard time looking past that.
I don’t feel like I can take care of and love this new baby and my son and work and live without falling apart. Am I just telling myself that to justify how I feel? What is best for my son?
What is best for this baby I can’t even let myself think of as a reality yet? This is my son’s sibling but a dark part of me thinks if we take this second baby she will keep adding to our family until it really does break us.
Would I be the jerk to say no?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ and you know that. Why isn’t your husband backing you up more? Why isn’t he fighting for your dreams of pregnancy? Honestly, you’ve taken on so incredibly much already.
What is your support like? (You obviously don’t have to say in the thread) Are y’all in marriage counseling? Do you have your own therapy? Who is helping you with your emotions, and helping you sort through and stick to boundaries?
You two are clearly not where you were a few years ago. Your eyes are open and you’ve taken on more than you should have to, and frankly, more than you can handle. You’re just starting to get your own life back.
So stand up and fight for your future. Her current pregnancy does not create an obligation in you. It just doesn’t. And just because you adopted once, does not mean you’re in a position to adopt again, especially a child you would resent.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“My adopted older brother was born with FASD. Having a child with this will only get harder as he gets older. It was exceptionally difficult growing up with him and that was with my parents being fully involved and willing to try any and every therapy, program, psych help, etc they could find for him.
They have never, never given up on him (he’s still a train wreck now in his 50s), but our lives would have been unimaginably easier without him. If I’d had TWO of them as siblings? I don’t even know what to say that wouldn’t be horrifically offensive.
Your husband means well, but I strongly recommend you decline. You are NOT the bad guy. The bio mom is, both for having more kids and continuing to harm the fetus. If I met my brother’s bio mom, I would spit in her face for what she did to our family.
NTJ.” Only-Ingenuity7889
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes siblings just have to be separated, and it can’t be helped. My brothers-in-law got a foster placement a few years ago, moving towards adoption… A year later mom comes up pregnant again, loses custody again so they take in their daughter’s six-month-old sister.
Move towards adopting both girls. A year later, mom has a baby boy. Loses custody again and they ask if my BILs can take the boy too. After much agonizing, they had to decline. They had to capacity for two in two years….not three in three years.
And there theoretically could be another sibling every year or two for the next twenty years ( mom was a teen with the first). The family who took in the brother now has the NEXT baby as well. Mom is already pregnant again and set for automatic removal as soon as she gives birth.
Now family #2 is agonizing over the same dilemma over how many of bio mom’s kids can they reasonably take in, and when do you have to split the siblings up again. OP needs to assess her own needs and capacity, she can’t be the automatic solution to every child SIL decides to create.” Wild_Statement_3142
21. AITJ For Holding My Cousin's Baby 'Wrong' After She Unexpectedly Left Him With Me?
“My (19F) cousin (31F) sent me a frantic message that she was going to leave her baby with my mom and dad for 30 minutes because she had to quickly go to an appointment.
She brought the baby, but my parents weren’t home. It was me and my friend (19F). She put the baby with us and left for 30 minutes.
When she returned, she started screaming that I was holding the baby “dangerously” and snatched him from me, saying “what are you guys doing??”
My friend has never held a baby, and I haven’t held one since I was 3 years old. If she wanted him held a certain way and there are “dangerous” ways to hold one, she should’ve said so in my opinion.
Not everyone is a new parent who has read 10 parenting books and taken baby-rearing classes.
She accused me of holding the baby “irresponsibly.” My friend pointed out that it’s not exactly responsible to just ditch your baby somewhere without someone who isn’t a childcare professional. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she ditched her baby off without first checking the basics and making sure everything was up to her standard. You’ve got no fault here whatsoever she should have been more responsible. I have a 20-month-old and even after that, I’m still scared to hold other people’s infants.
To me, they still look like fragile little gummy bears if anything I’ve gotten more anxious around them.” ChampismyPuppy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did the baby seem uncomfortable? Was it squirming around, or getting cranky? If not, you were probably fine.
Babies are pretty good at letting you know if they don’t like something in their environment. And evolution has equipped them with all sorts of nifty reflexes to keep them securely attached to their caregivers. As long as you feel like the baby is safe, it is probably safe.
The mom was being overprotective and unreasonable, and definitely should not have ditched the baby with two inexperienced caregivers.” apatheticsahm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin dropped off an infant in your arms without any instructions or warning. She said “hi, I can’t take my baby right now and I need someone to watch her.
Okay, bye.” Did she even try to explain why she thought it was dangerous, or was it just “not the way that she is usually held”? Your friend made the best point.” Ok_Respect_8559
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Gave My Old IPad To My Niece Without My Permission?
“A few years ago my mom (46F) got me (17F) an iPad for Christmas.
I loved it and used it all the time. Fast forward to now. A company called (project magnify) gave me a new one. I planned on using the new iPad for school and school only. The other was going to be for Netflix, snap, IG, etc.
When my sister (26F) heard I was getting a new one she started saying “if you’re getting another iPad you can give the old one to my daughter!” I didn’t want to do that because it was a Christmas gift to me and I really wanted to keep it.
I told my mom to please not sell it or give it to anyone. She said ok.
Now my niece suddenly has a new iPad and I can’t find my old one. I haven’t asked my mom if she gave it to my niece mostly because I know she’s going to say no. As selfish as it may be I do still want that older iPad.
My family has this thing where they think if someone gets a brand new something the old device should be given away or sold. I also told my sister if she gets the iPad after I made it clear I was not giving it away I want to be paid for it.
I still don’t know if I should bring this up. I just find it weird that my niece gets an iPad and I can’t find the other one. So AITJ for being mad at my mom for giving away my iPad after I made it clear I did not want to sell it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to decide what happens to your property. Do you have any way to definitely identify your iPad as your own? Serial number, physical damage, etc? Can you take it from your sister’s house without getting stopped and act surprised in front of witnesses who would take your side that of course you have it because you said you were keeping it?
Can you tell your sister/mother you filed a police report because your iPad has been stolen and you can’t find it anywhere? Is it still linked to your account and you can lock it so they have to admit the theft and return it?
Does your niece know they stole it? I expect they pretended they bought it for her. Maybe she’ll be very interested to learn that they lied.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look around and ask if anyone in your home has seen it.
If it doesn’t turn up, calmly confront your mother to see if you’re right. Growing up, there were definitely times my parents made me give stuff away that I considered mine and didn’t want to give away. It sucked back then, and even looking back at it as an adult, I think they went too far, but none of it was ever done behind my back.
That’s a different level. That’s just stealing, if your suspicion is true—which is a big if until you confirm it. As for wanting two devices, it’s pretty normal to want separate hardware for work and play. It’s the best way to make sure those things never mix accidentally.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about using things you own. If you weren’t using it, it would make sense to give it away or sell it, but you had a very reasonable and specific plan for it.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“”I haven’t asked my mom if she gave it to my niece mostly because I know she’s going to say no.” If she says “no”, then you report the theft to the police. Don’t tell her in advance that you will be reporting.
If she complains after you’ve reported it to the police, make it clear that, as she said that she didn’t give your iPad away, the only other possibility was theft. Obviously, you never imagined that she would steal from you and lie about it(!) so you had no reason not to report it.
Actually, don’t wait to ask her. You said that you were keeping your iPad, and since you took it as a given that none of your family members were thieving scumbags, the only course of action was to report the theft.” Mysterious-System680
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After She Broke My Vase?
“I (27F) was born in and grew up in Australia, we were lower middle class and had a big family (3 sisters, brothers) and my single mother.
I was the fifth-born child. Since my childhood, I have gotten married to my now husband (28M) and we now live in a rather large apartment in NYC with our four children (6F, 4M, 3F, 1M). My husband’s family is upper class.
My mother and most of my siblings are doing a lot better as well and are all either middle or upper-middle-class with families of their own. Except for one of my older sisters (30F) who is doing great and has just gone back to university.
So here’s the deal. My mum asked if we could have our annual family gathering at my house this year so of course I agreed. They were all planning on staying for three weeks.
It was definitely a challenge to accommodate everyone in our apartment but it was quite large and we managed to figure out a separate bedroom for each adult/couple by using our three spare rooms and our four kids’ rooms and we had a large lounge room where basically all the kids had a big sleepover there where 32 people in total (14 adults and 18 kids).
So one night while everyone was sitting and having dinner I went to the kitchen to get a drink for my mum and my sister followed me to the kitchen. I just made casual conversation with her, but then out of the blue she started coming at me asking me if I thought I was better than everyone or if I thought I achieved so much more than her.
I said what do you mean? She said, “oh so it wasn’t my big plan to invite everyone to my fancy apartment and show them how cool my life was.” WTF.
I didn’t know what to say so I just walked away but she grabbed my arm before I could get back into the dining room.
She said something along the lines of are you seriously trying to walk away from me before grabbing a vase off my countertop and smashing it onto the ground. It was an expensive vase as well and my mother-in-law had given it to us when we moved in.
I said, “what the heck you can’t just come into my house and start accusing me of some crap that you’re making up in your head to try and convince yourself that you’re better than me.” I told her she was being dramatic and rude over a family gathering just because it was being held at my house.
She stormed out and left I don’t know where she went. I told everyone what happened (adults only of course) and they all sided with me except for my mother whose opinion I care about the most, she said that I should just apologize and she just didn’t want anyone to be fighting.
My sister came back to the apartment later that night after we had all gone to sleep and left again in the morning without saying anything to anyone. I’m writing this now as she’s out. So AITJ and when she gets back should I just apologize?
And if I do apologize should I ask her to pay me back for the vase?”
Another User Comments:
“I grew up in the middle-class burbs of Australia as well and if I went to visit my sister and ended up in a 7-room apartment in NYC with a lounge room big enough to sleep 18 kids my mind would be boggling too.
But I’d be cheering for her, not smashing vases about it. So the options are: your sister is super resentful of the life you now have, or you have been acting like you’re better than everyone. To be honest I have a sibling who does this without realising.
She just seems to have forgotten that not everyone lives like she does and doesn’t seem to notice that her casual comments judging our lives that are just like what she grew up in are rude and unnecessary. Or a combo of the above.
It’s impossible to tell from what you’ve said here, so INFO.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“Don’t apologize. But try not to continue to fight with her. I would suggest asking her what the problem is and if she would like to talk about it, sounds like she has a lot going on with financial stress or envy.
Your mother’s reaction is simply because she doesn’t want the family get-together to be ruined, and she knows that you are reasonable and this is the quickest way to make it go away fast. Your sister was absolutely wrong to smash something inside your home (with all those children around too!) Personally, I wouldn’t bother asking her to give you money for what was an irreplaceable sentimental item.
It’s not really as if you can replace it anyway. She’ll just use that as the Ace card to continue to blame you. If you can bring some compassion to the either unbalanced or sad place she is in, it would be the better approach.
Regardless NTJ. Why is money and family always so hard?” violetrosesnyc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. do not apologize. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. It is not your obligation to coddle your sister and her hangups/insecurities. When she gets back you need to ask her to leave, she broke something of yours and is NOT apologetic.
You really want 3 weeks of her nonsense and likely breaking/damaging something else out of spite and jealousy? If mom has a problem she can get up and leave as well. This is your house and guests need to respect that.
One already has shown she doesn’t and will not.” PommeDeSang
18. AITJ For Painting My Daughter's Lego Figures To Allow More Mix And Match?
“My daughter (6f) is obsessed with Lego friends. These are an offshoot of Lego. The characters are not yellow and blocky, but instead, they’re ‘human’. They come with different skin tones and the heads, hair, tops, and bottoms are all designed to be mixed and matched.
The ‘issue’ is that my daughter likes to mix and match the tops and bottoms and doesn’t like how some of her favorite tops and bottoms don’t match skin tones. So I decided to paint the legs of the bottoms so it looks like they’re wearing leggings or tights.
Obviously, I left the top halves alone. I legitimately didn’t see an issue and thought it was a good solution.
Until her friend came over and wanted to make herself as a Lego figure (she’s mixed). She got really upset when she couldn’t find her skin tone for the legs (which she wouldn’t be able to find anyway as the skin range is pretty limited).
I explained that my daughter and I painted over the legs so you could mix and match more easily. Her friend seemed fine with that explanation and went on making her Lego, but her mother was not pleased. She said it was ‘erasure’ and that her daughter is only ‘fine’ with it because she’s used to it.
It’s too late to go back on it now but should I not do it for any future sets?
AITJ for painting over the legs?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok now that my eye is done twitching reading that you painted LEGO parts… NTJ.
Your daughter’s friend’s mom making you customizing your child’s toy a race thing is ridiculous. Almost no jerks here but her comment was very unnecessary and feels like bait. Show mom what paint you used and tell her to paint some of her daughter’s sets to look like her if she’s that concerned.” ghostofumich2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You put tights/leggings on all the doll bottoms, that’s not erasing anybody. You didn’t do anything wrong. Did the friend’s mom understand that the Lego figures retained their complexion on the top half of the figures?
If it works for your daughter I’d paint away. Leggings for everyone!” mikitree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter likes Lego Friends too. We have built her the entire town. She was disappointed there aren’t many boys. I visited my local Lego store to see if they were available as mini-figs.
They are not, but a staff member told me about BrickLink. It’s a resell site for sets, pieces, and characters. I let her scroll through and pick some characters. They were all moderately priced too.” Drapple1382
17. AITJ For Hiding The Blender Blade From My Messy Stepson?
“My 15-year-old stepson got into the habit of constantly making himself smoothies and milkshakes which is great but he makes a mess everywhere and never cleans up after himself.
He leaves things from the fridge on the side and leaves the blender out for someone else to clean up. I’ve had several adult conversations with him in which I basically tell him “hey, you’re using the blender that’s great.
When you use it could you make sure you clean it and put it back in the cupboard where you had to get it from.”
After the fifth or sixth time, I decided that talking to him wasn’t working so I resorted to just hiding the blade from the blender to avoid having to clean up his mess anymore.
A few days ago, he asked for it so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him to clean it and put it back when he used it. He didn’t so now I’ve hidden it again with no intention of letting him use it because I’m not confident he’ll clean up after himself.
He thinks this is unjust, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Taking away the blade is not going to fix the issue. Your son is 15, he’s not a child, when you saw how he left the place the first time he used it you should have made him clean his mess and implemented the rule that if you use something you clean it up after.
Had this rule not been adhered to then you remove the entire blender. By simply cleaning up after him every time until you got fed up, you’ve taught him that someone else will always be there to clean up his mess.
I don’t know if I’d call you a jerk for that but you’re not innocent in this either.” tekwayyuhself
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Laughing my head off though. You’re doing a great job trust me! Son is 17 & yeah I’ve been teaching him since very little (stand on a chair and chop veg with mummy sort of thing) how to cook.
He’s a great cook. Also how to clean/wash up. Lol. Also how to put clothes in laundry basket/to wash/to iron. Or use a vacuum cleaner & mop. There’s gonna be a partner in the future who will be grateful my son is not incapable of household chores & that’s what you’re teaching yours.
You use it – you clean it. I really like that you praise him for using it, but – yes, it takes 5 mins to clean up after. And that’s his responsibility.
My son has a part-time job (he’s at 6th form/UK) in a fancy restaurant/cocktail/wine bar – & he’s a part-time bar supervisor, whose specialty is cocktails.
He wanted a cocktail-making kit at home to practice making cocktails – I agreed to buy, & some supplies – but his responsibility is to wash up everything he uses, etc. The one time he didn’t wash his kit up, I left it.
Horribly sticky in the morning from using sugar syrup – ugh. Took him longer to wash/ lean etc. You’re doing a great job. Definitely NTJ.” fibrofatigued
Another User Comments:
“I had this issue with my 12-year-old. She loves to bake but leaves the kitchen a disaster.
Her attempts at “cleaning” left me with greasy dishware and sticky measuring cups. I’m a big believer in natural consequences for kids, and saving my own sanity from having to pre-clean before I could even cook. The next time she baked I walked her through all the clean-up steps, where I wanted the things returned, and how the kitchen should look when complete.
I told her that she’s old enough to bake, she’s old enough to understand this is a shared space and to respect it. If I came into a dirty kitchen, one warning, then no baking for a month. I also (in an effort to save my own sanity) bought her her own mixing bowls, spatulas, cake pans, and she buys all her own ingredients.
She quickly learned that butter and eggs can get expensive, and that making 4 pounds of buttercream icing isn’t necessary. She also learned that if she leaves her own dishes dirty, then she can’t bake without cleaning first. She has her own dedicated cabinet space and keeps her baking supplies in a tote for her access, she prefers that so her sister doesn’t touch them or clutches pearls breathes around them.
NTJ. I would suggest buying a cheap blender on Amazon and he can buy his own ingredients for smoothies. If he doesn’t have an allowance you can give him a weekly or monthly budget for smoothie ingredients. The first time he leaves them out and ruins them, that’s that weeks/months ingredients ruined, gotta wait.” educatedvegetable
16. AITJ For Reporting A Doordasher Who Left Her Child To Pick Up Orders?
“I (18M) am a host at a place that does to-go orders.
The other day I had a little girl maybe 6 or 7 years old running in and out of the building taking doordash orders for her mom. This happens all the time where I am but this was a bit different.
The mother was leaving her daughter there to go get other doordashes and not for just a short minute she would be gone for 15+ minutes.
My other hosts are also getting concerned about this little girl and we asked her if she could have her mom come in. At this point, we had told a manager what was happening and he was not impressed to say the least.
Eventually, the mom came back for her child and the order and my manager went to talk to her. He said to her that she can’t have her daughter left here doing orders and that technically someone over the age of 18 had to be the one to get the food.
She at that point started yelling at my manager and telling us that doordashing is her 6-year-old’s job and not hers and that her kids are dashers.
She went back and forth with my manager until she threatened to call corporate which made my manager storm off.
He is almost always a very collected man and he is always a lot of fun to joke around with so this was upsetting. He then had to ask for my help in knowing what orders she grabbed so we could get her name.
So I assisted him. It took a long time because we have ghost brands that go through us such as Mr. Beast and other ghost brands and we do not access the name of dashers for those because they are not under our store name so we had to look and recall if she did one directly through our company which she luckily did and I told him the name.
He then reported her and I think she may have been fired. I don’t really think I am that much of a jerk for this because she is the one using her kid for child labor but on the other hand, where I am jobs aren’t great nor do they pay well so it is hard to find much.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s lying. The kids don’t have licenses and DD verifies your license. I doubt this will get her fired but it will start the process. In the future, y’all should have an option to block specific dashers from your store.
But please do report them it makes for a better experience for everyone else” UncleVoodooo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I doubt DoorDash hires 6 year olds so no, it was not the child’s job. I’m going to doubt the 6 year old was getting paid for it either but that’s not the point.
You can’t just abandon your children in a restaurant for SO MANY reasons. In turn, there are many reasons why you did the right thing by reporting her.” Stegosaurus505
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as someone who works with DoorDash and others to deliver our orders to customers.
1 the account is in the mother’s name. As you have to have a driver’s license to be a DoorDash driver. 2 drivers aren’t supposed to have kids with them unless that can’t be helped. In which case they are supposed to stay in the car and not touch the merchandise.
As the driver is responsible for it it leaves its original location with them. As a DoorDash driver, she knew the rules and chose to break them. If she got fired she has no one to blame but herself.” bulldogjwhit295
15. AITJ For Not Flying Home To Search For My Runaway Brother?
“My brother (19) ran away after a fight with my mom last night. Luckily he was found this morning.
Anyway, I (M 25) just moved from the east coast to the west coast. I have a new job so I have very little time to take off and because of the move, I’m trying not to spend much money.
When my brother was missing my sister asked if I was going to fly back to help look for my brother. When I said no she called me selfish and ignorant.
I told her that not everyone has an actor husband who’s rich and that just because she doesn’t have a job and can drop whatever she is doing to fly home, doesn’t mean I can.
She got mad at me and called me a jerk. I thought it was just the stress but, now that my brother is back she is still mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Expecting you to fly across the country because of teenage drama is ridiculous.
He was mad at your mom, he ran off, which is pretty common. If they thought he was at risk to himself, then they’d get the police involved for help. There was very little you could have done, not to mention it’d have taken you hours to even get there and at a great expense..her demands here are not reasonable.” thebabes2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he had been missing for 24 hours and the police had gotten involved, I would have said yes. If he was a minor and missing under 24 hours, I would have said yes. But he is 19 years old (I presume no history of running off), emotional, and responding to a direct order.
He probably went to a friend’s house. It would be more responsible for you to stay where you are with your phone open and available for calls/get messages on social media or whatever than be on a plane and miss everything from having a shut-off phone.
Since you are further away, he would be more likely to contact you than anyone in direct contact with your mother. Logic.” iDryft
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. It would be one thing if your brother was 10 or something, or the brother had been missing for days in the wilderness while traveling home or something… but a 19-year-old is both an adult allowed to leave on their own and fully capable of surviving by themselves.
Besides from your comments, it appears the mother threw him out after a fight, so it’s not like he disappeared while walking home intoxicated. The whole thing seems odd to me, that they’d expect anyone to fly into town for this sort of thing only a few hours after your brother left.” witcher_rat
14. AITJ For Wanting To Pursue Music Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I (15m) am planning to choose electives for next year’s schooling because it’s the beginning of semester 2 now and we’re preparing early.
I’m hoping to be able to choose music theory, music performance, and art history classes to help give me a better chance at starting a career in the music world (specifically classical/orchestral) later on. In my school, basic music theory classes are compulsory up to year 9 but I’m considering choosing the more advanced electives going into year 10 because I want to actually know my stuff and be prepared for the real world beforehand, obviously.
However, my partner (16f) has constantly been getting angry at me and mentioning how professional music – especially classical – is unlikely to get me anywhere, is a hopeless choice for a career, and is going to disappoint me. She has warned me multiple times not to enter the classes but I’m seriously considering doing them.
She continuously reminds me of the downsides and seems to ignore or put out my mentions of the positives, too. It does hurt a bit that she thinks I’ll never be competent enough to handle a professional environment. I’m not really sure whose wishes to prioritize.
I can see where she’s coming from – helping me after I’ve been hurt time and again while busking combined with there being high competition in the musical world is a genuine cause for concern – but this is getting frustrating and feels a bit ridiculous at this point and I’d really like to get some outside opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honey, you are FIFTEEN. And you have a passion for your art that is honestly somewhat rare in someone your age. I don’t know how good you are obviously, but if you are skilled enough for advanced classes and you love music to the point of wanting to make a career of it, you have to learn to ditch the unsupportive people and surround yourself with those who will lift you up and not try to dull your shine (within reason, of course.
Keeping you grounded when needed is also important.) Your partner is unsupportive and frankly super mean for trying to hold you back like that. Ditch her, and do not let ANYONE try to control you like that.” NonConformistFlmingo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Music is absolutely a possible career, and as long as you are prepared for it being difficult and to be realistic about your chances, then go for it! Also, there are more careers in music than you necessarily think.
A cousin of mine had been working towards a soloist career for years, but he’s been coming to the conclusion that while his fiancée can definitely make it as a soloist – she’s been winning music prizes all over recently – he himself isn’t quite outstanding enough to make a good career out of being a soloist and he doesn’t have the temperament to want to make an orchestra his career.
So he’s now working towards a music and psychology degree with the aim of becoming a music therapist.” Normal-Height-8577
Another User Comments:
“I’m 29. I’ve only met one person still seeing the same person that they were when they were 15. And they have supported each other’s dreams since they were teenagers.
Basing your life decisions on the opinion of a 16-year-old who you’re unlikely to be in touch with in 10 years’ time & who doesn’t have any life experience in the professional world because she’s also still at school is unwise.
If you’re really that worried then you should reach out to an adult professional musician for advice. Also, you sound like you’re in the UK? Choosing music for GCSE isn’t going to lock in your future & make other career paths unavailable to you.
You have to do English, Maths, Science, IT and those are the important subjects to have that not having them could make the stage after a little more difficult. For GCSE’s exploring your interests & choosing subjects you’re passionate about is important so you will have motivation to do the work in them.
I’m unclear why you want to stay in a relationship with someone who is being so mean & unsupportive to you. Maybe it’s time to end this relationship. Maybe you’ll end up seeing someone who likes how ambitious you are & that you’re thinking about the future.
NTJ.” excel_pager_420
And all the best with your music career. Mu daughter is currently studying music performance at university (also in the UK). She may or may not become a famous performer, but the skills she is learning now can be transferable to all sorts of things - and there is no guarantee that doing a 'respectable' course in eg business studies or computing will actually net you anything other than huge debt and a rubbish job in a all centre. do what you care about.
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad's Stepson Calls Him Dad?
“My (17m) dad (50m) has been married to a woman who’s not my mom for the last 7 years. Before they started seeing each other she had a kid who is not my dad’s, when my dad started seeing her the kid was old enough to understand that my dad was not his real dad.
I used to travel between my mom’s house and my dad’s house ( hey lived in two different cities) and when I was at my dad’s I found out that this kid is calling my dad “dad” even though there was no real connection between them.
I didn’t say anything but I was annoyed because it seemed as though my dad would stop paying attention to me to pay attention to him.
Now that I’m older I live with my mom who since I was little has provided me with everything I need without help from my dad, even when she struggled to get money for herself.
I understand how I could come off as selfish but the truth is I never had my dad for a long time, it always has been for months. When I’m with my mom he barely calls me or messages me.
It annoys me that now that the kid is there my dad focuses all on him and almost forgets I exist. AITJ?
(I forgot to mention ever since my dad married this woman he stopped paying child support and didn’t give my mom a penny to raise me.)”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re angry at your dad’s stepchild, but the one you should be angry at is your dad. He’s the one who has really let you down. I get it. You’re not a jerk for not wanting this kid to call your dad, “Dad”.
It must hurt terribly, and you aren’t a bad person for having those feelings, especially when your dad has been a massive jerk to you and let you down in so many ways – emotionally, financially, and more. I can’t imagine how terrible that must feel.
You deserve so much better. You deserve a real father who pays attention to you, spends time with you, loves you openly, supports you, and takes care of his financial responsibilities towards you. But this kid is not responsible for your father’s shortcomings.
Your anger makes you say that “they have no connection”, but they do. Your dad has been married to his mum for most of his life and has acted as a parental figure to him. It’s his stepdad. And honestly, friend, it sucks that your father has given to him emotionally and otherwise what he hasn’t given you.
But again, it’s not that kid’s fault. And I don’t know the situation, but he may have a bio dad who is just as bad as yours…who was also never there for him. Your dad may be the only dad he knows who is kind to him.
It would be really good if you could try to have compassion for him. You don’t have to like him or want a relationship with him. But at least recognize that he’s not the one who’s hurting you. He’s just trying to live the life that was given to him by his mum when she chose to marry your dad and move him in there.
He’s just a kid like you.
Your dad is the only jerk here, and he doesn’t come into the equation as you’ve asked it. I’m sorry for both you and your dad’s stepson. It sounds like you’ve been put in a really difficult position.
I hope one day you can tell your dad how he’s made you feel, and that he can do better for you. In the meantime, neither you nor that other kid are jerks, only the adults. No jerks here.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By the sounds of it, your dad has chosen to be neglectful and a really bad parent to you, and he is the root of the problem. However, he’s been present in that child’s life for a while now.
To the kid, your father is his dad, and it’s really poor that he couldn’t treat his own son as an equal to the other child he raised. I’d urge you to find a way to not blame the kid for calling your father dad.
It isn’t his fault, and to him, he is his dad. You have every reason to feel selfish and hurt, I think anyone would in your circumstances. But your father is the one you should be angry at, not the kid.” twistyNip5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – feelings are feelings and as you have not stated any way in which you have acted out against this child, you aren’t a jerk. However, this kid is not the issue. And whether or not they have a “real” connection is not about you.
It is about the relationship they have. Your dad is the real villain here. Not because his step-child calls him dad, but because he didn’t put the work in to keep your relationship strong once your mom had primary custody.
Because he stopped paying child support. Those were his choices and he should have made better ones.” ChakraMama318
12. AITJ For Refusing To Refund The Buyer Of My Resold Concert Tickets?
“A few months ago I bought concert tickets off of Reddit, the way the concert tickets were sold in general was that it was provided through a PDF file (this is normal for the concert venue that’s being attended).
I bought the tickets off of the person, they sent me the tickets. A few weeks after doing this I realized that I wouldn’t be able to go to the concert, so I decided to sell them myself. Right away someone bought them from me, it was great.
Come concert day though I got a message from the person I sold the tickets to and they were asking for their funds back. I asked why, and they said that they were denied access to the concert venue and said the tickets had already been scanned. I knew absolutely nothing about this and it annoyed me that I was now being contacted about something I had no control over.
I apologized to them but said I had no idea how this happened, I asked them to give me some time to message the person who originally sold me the tickets. I am awaiting an answer.
The person is continuously messaging me for their funds back but I don’t think I owe them the funds, I think the original seller does, because I sold the tickets thinking that they were mine.
Evidently, I paid for my tickets and sold them with the intention of someone going to the concert and having a good time.
AITJ for refusing to pay someone back for a ticket-selling situation that is out of my control?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I also see in the comments you are going to fight with my answer regardless, but here goes. Yes, you should go after the person who sold you the fake/faulty tickets and are also entitled to your funds back.
HOWEVER, the person you sold them to didn’t know that you bought them from someone else, and you sold them to this person saying they were good, valid tickets. It certainly isn’t their fault that you didn’t ensure the tickets were valid.
You sold the tickets to a person relying on you, and therefore you owe them the funds, especially since it is up to you to go after the original seller. Why should they be out funds for your mistake?” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is not out of your control. You had already paid expecting to go. Then you sold tickets, someone else paid, and found out it was a scam. You can refund them. That is not out of your control.
That is fully in your control. Now, you getting the funds back from the original person who sold you the tickets – that may or may not happen, so that’s out of your control. You refunding someone you sold a faulty product to?
Totally in your control. So, I say stop with the rationalization and passing the blame to someone else and do the right thing, refund and apologize, you can explain to them or not, be very apologetic, then go after the other person.” VictoryaChase
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you owe the person you sold the defective tickets to a refund. The way it works is that if you sell a defective product, you refund the funds from the sale to the person you sold it to.
If you want to go after the person you originally bought the defective product from, that’s up to you but it’s not your customer’s responsibility to go after them. Their claim is with you because you’re the person who sold it to them.
And if you want to get back the funds you paid for the tickets, you go after the person that you bought them from. Not whoever may have sold them to him before he sold them to you. So you absolutely owe the person you sold the tickets their funds back and it’s your responsibility to refund them regardless of whether you can sort things out with the person that you bought them from.” thorleywinston
11. AITJ For Not Attending My Mom's Wedding After My Dad's Death?
“I m17 have a strange relationship with my mom. We don’t talk unless it’s urgent and we never sit near or next to each other. I am nothing more than a stranger in her house. My dad on the other hand we get along great.
I’ve always considered my dad as my best friend.
About 2 years ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He didn’t find out until it was really late though. He decided that he was gonna let himself pass instead of trying to fight it.
And after some of the best months I had with him, he passed. That was about a year ago. My mother wasn’t sad at all. She just seemed to have accepted it. And barely a month afterward my mom came to my room to tell me that we were gonna have dinner with a “very special guest.”
When I went down I saw a man I had never seen before. She introduced him to me saying that this was her partner. I was livid. As soon as I heard that and saw him put out his hand for me to greet him I got up and left the dinner table.
That night I remember crying, my first thought was that my mother had an affair which I still don’t know if that is true or not. After 3 weird months with my mom, she came to my room and told me that she and her partner were going to get married and that she wanted me to be there no matter how much I disapproved. I stayed silent.
And now to today. Or yesterday, yesterday was the wedding. I didn’t go at all. Instead, I left a note in my mom’s purse saying that I could never support a person who disrespects my dad that badly. She found that note pretty early on I assume because she called and yelled at me saying that I better be on my way and that I was the worst son anyone could ask for and that I was the biggest jerk.
She sent me videos of her in the bathroom crying saying that I made her cry and that I ruined her big day. And all throughout the day I got texts and calls from her family and his saying I was a horrible person.
I turned off my phone yesterday and today woke up feeling truly horrible. I read every text and now I really do feel like the worst son ever. not only that but the biggest jerk ever. Are all the texts right, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh sweetheart, my heart hurts for you. Do you speak with any of the relatives on your dad’s side? They could be supportive. So your mother introduced you to her partner a month after your father died, and a year later married him.
The only way I can justify her marriage is if they were separated/divorced, but I get the vibe that they were still married, so, ugh. I judge her partner for thinking that getting with a widow of a month is fine, and her child would accept this, I judge her for being so selfish.
I judge her for filming herself crying (so fake), I’m so sorry darling, I have no good advice but I can validate your feelings, this is so wrong.” Hob-Nob1974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She did not even think of how you would feel about her moving so fast. You did exactly the right thing by not going.
If you had, it would appear that you supported her wedding. No, she is a jerk by doing this. Really? She sent you VIDEOS of her crying in the bathroom? What a drama queen. You did not make her cry.
She brought this on herself. The texts and calls from her and his family are worthless because it is none of their business. This is between you and your mother. Additionally, they are not taking into consideration the loss of your father.
How insensitive can these people be? They all deserve each other. I am so sorry for your loss. Since you are 17, hopefully, you can move out soon and go no contact with everyone involved. Certainly block them so that you do not receive any more texts or calls.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you feel uncomfortable about attending the wedding then you do not have to. I do feel like this could have been addressed earlier rather than the day of and your mum has a right to be upset.
You are not the worst son ever though. You are still legally a child and processing the death of your father and your mum entering a relationship very soon after. Some people process grief in very different ways and she may or may not have engaged in adultery before or after your father was dying.
It is valid to feel like this. It is valid to not want to attend the wedding. It is valid to express how your mother’s quick entrance into another relationship hurt you.” wanesandwaves
10. AITJ For Expecting My Parents To Show Interest In Their Grandchild?
“I’ve never had a super close relationship with my parents. And they have had a rocky marriage, so I got out of that household as fast as I could. I’m 34 now and have been living on my own for at least 14 years.
I’m married and I have a 1-year-old kid.
I call my parents maybe once or twice a month and visit them maybe every couple of months. But they almost never do. We live only 20 minutes away. Even when I call them they are busy with stuff and won’t take a 5-minute break so we can talk, or even call me back later.
Since my kid was born they have seen him maybe 5-6 times and have played with him less than 1 hour combined.
They don’t even ask about him when I call. They seem to not want to be grandparents.
Recently I had an argument with my mother about why this is happening and I’ve been given an earful because “you should be the one to visit and call us.
You are the child! You are not respecting us by not visiting and calling more often”. When I pointed out that I’m the only one doing that and they are not, she said “But we are too busy! We have a garden to tend to and have been working to get the yard ready for your brother’s wedding!”
Like caring for a one-year-old 24/7 and working from home full time gives me so much free time.
For the past year, they couldn’t be bothered to take a two-hour break on Sundays from time to time and visit their grandkid.
I’ve told her it’s much more comfortable for us to stay home with my kid rather than take him somewhere I have to hover around him and make sure he doesn’t touch or play with inappropriate stuff. Their house is not baby proof and they only spend like 10 minutes with him and then run off to do whatever.
I don’t want them to be babysitters. No need to cook, clean, or even look after him. I just want them to give their grandkid some attention.
This all happened because my mom posted a comment on a social media platform under one of my kid’s pictures saying “maybe your parents will one day show you the way to our house”.
We’ve had a similar discussion last year and I see nothing has changed. They haven’t and I haven’t. I may have increased the number of calls for a while but got discouraged because of their lack of interest. My mom’s birthday is next week and originally I planned on not doing anything.
I’m sure she’s expecting me to apologize (after all, I’m the child!). But after giving it some thought I’m going to call her and wish her happy birthday. If she asks us to visit, we will, but only if she asks.
My wife sides with me. My brother does not. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have an expectation that your parents will be involved grandparents, excited to form loving bonds and spend quality time with their grandchildren. Perhaps you have seen this come true for friends.
Sadly, not every grandparent-grandchild relationship plays out this way (personal experience). My parents liked the idea of being grandparents but not so much the reality – especially my father. At least mine didn’t use social media and passive-aggressive comments to portray themselves as the sad, “left-out”, sidelined victims. It is in everyone’s best interest and comfort -not to mention safety- especially your child’s!- to have them visit you in your home.
Visit them when they invite you but go with realistic expectations and have an exit plan/strategy when their interest begins to wane. Invite them to your house but again, have realistic expectations for their visit in terms of length and interest. Kudos to you for wanting your child to have good grandparent relationships but for your own sake, please keep your expectations to a minimum.
In time, you’ll probably meet other people who will enjoy spending time with your family.” Busy_Vegetable_5596
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like you are hoping your parents will turn into amazing grandparents out of nowhere. They weren’t good parents to you and 1 year into it they have little to no interest in your son.
There’s no emotional relationship to save as it doesn’t exist. This is nothing like what your parents did to you and your grandma as she was actually involved and present in your life.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you want to salvage the relationship I think clear structure and boundaries are needed. For example, schedule a phone call once or twice a week at set times but decide and agree on who is calling who.
Maybe you call them at the agreed time one day and they call you the other but respect the time. If either of you are late you owe the other an apology and there is no obligation to take the call outside of the agreed time given that you are both busy.
Make clear plans in advance to visit them and for them to visit you. Schedule those plans and alternate whose house you go to. If they say no to plans or cancel, remind them that you are trying to have a relationship with them that works for both of you.
If they start complaining that they don’t see you, ask what they’d suggest to fix the problem and outline things you’ve tried to set up previously or that they have canceled on, and ask if they want to try those plans again.
If they can’t think of anything, ask them to let you know when they do and you’d be happy to discuss it. If they call later down the line saying they haven’t heard from you, remind them that they were meant to be thinking of solutions and letting you know as things you’ve suggested previously haven’t worked for them.
Don’t let them keep putting it back on you when it is a two-way street, and hold them accountable for the things you both agree to do.
I do think it would be unhelpful to the situation for you to not do anything for your mother’s birthday, but I think you already know that.
Do what you’ve now decided, wish her a happy birthday and offer to visit, and if you do go over there end it with how you’d love to have them over for dinner sometime. If they respond positively, get something in the diary there and then.” Table_Scraps90
9. AITJ For Sitting At The Head Of The Table During A Family Dinner?
“The week after Mother’s Day weekend I (21F) went out to eat with my grandparents (70s), my uncle, my mom (41F), and my little sister.
We went to Longhorn and were placed at a 6-person table that had 2 seats on each side and one seat each at the “head of the table” slots.
For context, I’ve always associated these top and bottom seats to be for the honoree like the birthday person for example.
So when we approached the table my mom and sister sat next to each other on one side and my uncle sat at the bottom seat.
Seeing that my mom and grandma (the honorees because it was Mother’s Day) didn’t sit at the bottom and top seats I sat at the other top seat.
Not even two minutes into sitting down, my mom texts me this message:
“When you’re sitting at a table with men you shouldn’t plop down at the head of the table. That should have been reserved for Papa.”
I see that message and immediately call her out in front of everyone. I asked my papa (grandfather) if he felt like he should have the seat and he didn’t care.
I proceeded to argue about it and even ask the waiter but he didn’t want to get involved.
She says it’s about respect and men should have that seat.
So, AITJ for sitting at the head of the table?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for taking the seat. Maybe you shouldn’t drag the poor waiter into family drama though. Going out to family dinners, we didn’t care who sat where unless there was a reason and we were always told if that seat was reserved or not.
If your papa didn’t care, then your mom should have just let it go. I know some traditions are dumb and sound lame. Pretty old fashioned too, but do you want to go to war with the family over a seat?” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why everyone is commenting on the server aspect. She wasn’t asking if she was the jerk for getting the waiter involved. OP was specifically asking if she was the jerk for calling her mom out at the table about her text message.
It also wasn’t a deeply personal or inappropriate question to ask, she was looking for an unbiased opinion from the one person who could potentially give that at the time. The server decided not to get involved and OP didn’t push it.
OP’s mom obviously has some internalized misogyny she should deal with. So in my opinion, NTJ.” notmymainaccount0511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because 1) this is sexist nonsense and 2) let me share my experience with you. For as long as I can remember my grandmother has always been the “head” of the family.
I guess when they were younger my grandpa was abusive so now he feels bad and he’s a henpecked husband instead. He’s always trying to please her and she’s never happy unless things are done her way and everyone else is unhappy.
No compromise. Growing up the head of the table was reserved for her—at home, at restaurants, in fact, if anyone sat in a different configuration at some point, she’d get upset so we just let her do whatever she wanted. For some reason, people view these seats as a place of power.
Good on you for taking it back.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom We Aren't Friends After She Dismissed My Feelings?
“This is an older situation that happened. I was I think 13 (now 15). My stepmother is around 30.
We have never really been close and have always been basically at each other’s throats.
And one day, I came home crying, because I was having a rough time at school and I felt so hopeless and alone. I opened up to her, about how I was struggling with work and being able to socialize with people because I’d constantly get rude jokes made about my appearance.
She told me, and I quote, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you. Just stop being sensitive.” Well of course this upset me, and I had asked her how she could say that, and that I opened up to her (like she claimed she wanted me to do).
She responded with, “we are not friends, I’m giving you the advice a parental figure should give, not a friend.” So I gave up and stopped telling her things.
Fast forward a couple of months, there was a week-long camp trip for school.
She asked if she should chaperone. I said no because I’d just really prefer for her not to go. She asked why, saying she wanted me to see her as a friend and that she just wanted to get closer to me.
I looked at her and stated that we weren’t friends and that she was just my stepmom. She got angry at this and stormed off, and then was loudly crying in the next room. This made me feel bad, but I felt like what I said wasn’t wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re only viewed as a friend on her terms. The “sticks and stones may break my bones, and words will never hurt me” is absolute nonsense. We do now know the impact words have on other people.
That’s a horrible thing to say to a teenager or a child. When there are people making fun of their looks. No parental figure or friend should ever say that. Don’t feel bad.” Pineapple_Wagon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not your friend, she’s not your parent. She’s your stepparent. And that needs to be okay, and defined for what it is, not forced into the mold of a different relationship that it isn’t. Where is your mother in this picture?
Is there some other adult, such as a teacher, you can confide in and ask for advice? You do need adult role models, but it doesn’t sound as if your stepmother is the right person for the role. Especially given that you’re relatively close in age – she was only 15 when you were born.
Barely old enough to be your parent, too old to be a peer and friend.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You approached her as a friend with a problem and were almost reprimanded for thinking of her that way.
She doesn’t get to dictate how you see her. You tried the friend approach and she took that away from you, she now has to deal with the fact that she is purely a parental figure. She could have easily said that she wasn’t giving friend advice but parenting advice, she didn’t need to point out that you weren’t friends.
Plenty of parental figures are able to be both figures, it’s not supposed to be exclusively one. Please don’t feel guilty about the way you addressed her in return, as one of the other posters pointed out it sounds like the phrasing was intentional on her part.
She needs to understand that a line has been crossed. I understand it’s not pleasant for you to have to hear the fallout but I would hazard a guess that there was a similar reaction from you the first time she said that you’re not friends.
Your feelings are no less valid than hers.” Soo_Ace
7. AITJ For Buying My Fiancée A New Car Without Telling Her Sister?
“Today I bought my fiancée of 3 years a new car. We’ve been together since our senior year of high school and plan to get married in just a few months.
Four years ago, her sister gave her a beyond-ratted-out 2006 Pontiac G6 with 350,000 miles on it.
A few months ago her sister started threatening to take the car back, that was gifted to her, but the title was never signed over (yes we know dumb mistake not signing it) but there is still evidence over text of her saying she was giving her the car.
Getting back to the story, tonight we went to my future MIL’s house to show her the new car and my fiancée’s sister was there. We showed her the car and she got all bent out of shape, and called us disrespectful, jerks, liars, etc. She got in everyone’s faces, began yelling at everyone, in the middle of the driveway might I add, and even at one point got in our child’s face.
Am I the jerk for getting a reliable vehicle for my family and not telling her sister beforehand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay, let’s clear something up. The gift she gave wasn’t the car, it was the refusal to transfer the title to you.
So now you can drop that turd with wheels in front of her house and be done with it. You don’t really need anyone to tell you you’re not the jerk here, do you? Future SIL is a raging narcissist, you should just cut her off completely.” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You seem like a well-rounded young man who loves his fiancée and wanted her to have a more reliable car to drive around in and for your family. Her sister was always going to find out about the car whether you told her or her parents did.
What are you going to do with the gifted car from sister now? Because as you said you don’t have the title and if you don’t want it, send it back to the sister, it’s her problem, not yours. This is a weird and honest question but, does your fiancée have a problem with the way that her sister treats her?
If so maybe some counselling could help.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s absolutely none of her business. She caused you to buy another car by making threats to take the old one away. She created the situation. She certainly didn’t need a heads-up to cause more agro.
She sounds like a narcissist by torturing you both with the old car, making promises then threats, promises then threats. Needing to be informed first, getting extremely angry. Saying you were being ungrateful and selfish over what she had done for you etc. She was furious because you took the power away from her, to manipulate and control your fiancé with the car.
This behavior will never stop. I suggest moving far far away.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split My Referral Bonus With My Sister?
“My (19F) sister (15F) wants to work at the same supermarket I’m working at, so I told my boss and now she has a job interview planned for tomorrow. However, there is a referral bonus of €250 for everyone who manages to get someone new to work at the company.
My sister wants half of my bonus. I told her I wasn’t going to share it with her, as it is my bonus. I offered her 25% but she only wanted half of it. If I didn’t give her half, she wouldn’t put my name in the application file and we would both get nothing.
My parents are on her side and are saying that I should give her half of it because it’s the norm and that’s what everyone does with a referral bonus. When I said to my mom that my sister is blackmailing me she told me that she would have done the same.
My parents told me they are disappointed in me and that if I wouldn’t share it with her they would give my other siblings (3 total) all €250. They also told me that I was greedy for keeping the money to myself and that it hurts them to see what kind of person I’ve become.
But I think it is my bonus, I’m offering my sister a job that pays €2 more per hour than her current job. And if she wants the bonus she should refer someone herself. Personally, I don’t think it’s my parents’ business and they should stay out of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nothing like manipulation. Your parents do not set a good example. Is your sister the “golden child” or the eldest? You are taking a risk recommending your sister. Sounds like she is entitled and may not perform up to the store’s standards.
Ask her if when she recommends someone she plans to split with them. Then remind her that since you are the source of her employment she should give you 25% each time she recommends someone. Actually, commission-based employment can work that way.
If you train someone, then every time they make money you also get a small piece. then when they train someone you get an even smaller piece, etc. Ok got off track. How do they know it is the norm?
Have they ever gotten or got someone a job? Was the bonus split? Also, yeah not their business. Your money and your sister is an adult. You can tell them if they take your money and give it to your siblings, that is called theft. Or not they sound like the type that would punish you.
You can also think long term and in the future when your sister is desperate for a favor. Just say: “Remember that time you got our parents to force me to split my bonus? Well, I do. I just can’t do you a favor right now.
Sorry.”” Lenformerexaminer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not typical to be expected to share your referral bonus. If you told your boss about her and that’s why she got the interview it is especially bad of her. Clearly your boss knows that you are related. He might give you the referral bonus anyways because he knows that’s your sister.
Honestly, I would just tell your boss why she didn’t write your name down, this says a lot about her character.” dumbname1000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is the jerk and doesn’t even have the sense to recognize the value of your recommendation.
She is 15 yo and I’m sure your employer has many other candidates with more work experience. The referral program is an incentive for the employee as they are essentially providing a screening process for them. Your mom sounds quite entitled to expect someone to share a referral bonus.
I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be making an offer if it was her money on the line. Her ridiculous offer to give your siblings money is really petty. Why not just keep 100% of your bonus and let her shell out her nonsense €250 to your siblings.” National-Cry-2569
5. AITJ For Laughing When My Son Called My Partner His Dad's "Replacement"?
“My son, 15, was talking to my ex (his dad) while playing video games the other night. He rarely talks to him due to his dad not making an effort. He hasn’t seen his dad in almost 3 years even though he only lives 5 miles away.
They were talking and yelling and I walked past the living room to the kitchen to put some dishes in the sink and wash the dishes and overheard them. I told my son that when he is done playing games with his dad to get the soda cans from his room (so ex knew I was in the room).
Well, they keep playing and then my son yells at his dad, “You suck worse than Kyle!!!” Over something his dad did in the game. (Kyle is my partner of 2 1/2 years)
Ex asks “Who’s Kyle?”
I don’t talk to my ex unless it’s an emergency, if he wants to talk to the kids they are all teens and have a phone.
I also don’t care what they tell him as I have nothing to hide from him. I kind of just assumed they mentioned Kyle before to him.
My son looks at me, I look back at him and shrug basically telling my son to tell his dad who Kyle is.
Son tells his dad “Your replacement.”
There is a pause.
Both my son and I burst out laughing. Ex hangs up suddenly. Later my ex messages me to complain that I was a terrible mom to “allow” my son to say that and I should have told him about Kyle when I started seeing him.
We have been divorced for 9 years!!
So AITJ for not responding when my son called my partner his dad’s “replacement”? And then dying laughing?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have an obligation to tell your ex when you start seeing somebody new.
If it’s only been a few months since you broke up, it can be a courtesy to tell them… but even then you don’t have to, and you started seeing Kyle years after you divorced your son’s father!
The reason I’m concentrating so much on that part is that frankly, it sounds as if your ex was not so much concerned with how your son conveyed the information as he was thrown for a loop by the fact that you had a partner and he was just finding out about it.
Blaming the way your son told him was just an excuse. Your son could’ve been more tactful, but you weren’t obligated to correct him if you don’t prioritize that as a parent. If your ex does, then HE can take on the job of teaching your son to be tactful.
He’s his parent too, and from what you say, he doesn’t seem to have any interest in doing the job of parenting, just play around with his kid occasionally and leave all the work to you. Also, it was funny.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a 16-year-old. Honestly, that’s pretty mild and shows that he has a great sense of humor. Your ex doesn’t need to know who you’re seeing after 9 years of divorce and when he’s not talking to the kids enough for them to have mentioned Kyle before.
If he was keeping up his end of the relationship with them, doubtless they’d have told their dad about Kyle long before now.” taerianaya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son didn’t say that he was a replacement father (although it sounds like he likes the guy well enough and apparently they already game together which seems to mean he’s as involved with your son as his actual father is!) and technically, as the man in your life, he is the ex’s replacement.
It was really quick-witted too. And honestly, if your son hasn’t mentioned him in the nearly three years you’ve been seeing him, then that shows how little involvement his father has in his life. Your son clearly doesn’t feel the need to discuss his life with his father and that’s the thing that should hurt him not that you’re seeing someone new.
That it isn’t speaks volumes about him.” Ok_Cauliflower_3007
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Didn't Acknowledge My Community College Graduation?
“I (21F) graduated from community college yesterday. I’m proud of myself because I struggled greatly with it due to mental health issues as well as my ADHD. It took me a little longer than community college probably should, but I finished it finally and that’s what matters.
I also have a few cousins around my age (22F twins, and another 22F) that also graduated this weekend, but they went to bigger universities. I woke up to a bunch of social media posts by my family congratulating all of them and saying how proud they were of all of them for graduating (of course I’m proud of them as well, I sent my congratulations to each of them individually).
I however didn’t get anything of the sort, even though my family knew that I would be graduating as well, and it honestly hurt a bit. My family doesn’t really view community college in the best light so I’m sure that comes into play with everything, but I still feel like it’s unfair that I didn’t get any acknowledgments.
I vented to my mom about it and she just called me dramatic for wanting all that attention, but I feel like it’s warranted at least a little bit.
So, AITJ for being upset that I didn’t get any recognition for graduating even though my cousins did?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who struggles with ADHD, I know how you feel. Like you really want to be as they are, you want to be able to study without constant distractions from your own brain. You want to focus and stop fidgeting ….
yet no matter what … you just can’t help yourself. Going for a glass of water when studying can be a challenge … you go to the kitchen once, come back, go to the kitchen, turn on the tap, don’t get water, close it, go back, realize, and finally get that glass of water.
I’m there with you friend and its not easy. So instead of judgment let me drop you this CONGRATULATIONS OF GRADUATING. YOU DID AND I’M PROUD OF YOU…YOU’RE THE BEST!” MonsterBugStudio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on your achievement!
Your family should be proud of you too. Info: Did your family know you were graduating? Did your mom post it on social media? Did you? If not, do it. Let your circle know that you graduated and that you are proud of yourself.
Slow and steady wins the race. PS I, too, graduated from the community college when I was 20 or 21. I was 24 when I graduated from my state university. Years later, I went back to school and got my master’s last year.
I was 56. I posted it on social media. People I haven’t heard from in years told me they admired me for going back. They thought they were too old. Be proud of your accomplishments.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in community college now. I’m a student leader and it’s giving me a stipend plus a paying job. I have a full-time day job so by the time I graduate community college I’ll have $20,000 saved. It’s asinine to pay for generals at a university.
Plus it’s a good stepping stone. I’m a good student but by no means 4.0. Community College will prepare you for university if you need the extra help with it. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t let your family look down on it.
3. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Change The Character Name Based On Me In Her Play?
“An old friend of mine just notified me that she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town. The problem is that one of the three characters in the play is based on me and the name of the character is my full name, first and last.
I told her I was uncomfortable with her using my name and asked her to please change it. She said no and insisted she has every right to use my name. I am a very private person and this friend knows that about me and pointed out that the character based on me is also private, and that this somehow makes her play meta and hilarious.
She seemed a little amused by my objections to her using my name.
She also seemed indignant that I would ask her to use a different name for this character, claiming that it was her right as an artist to use whatever parts of her life she wanted (including me) and that I was trying to encroach on her artistic freedom… so AITJ for asking her not to use my name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you need to do two things. First, contact the theater and let them know that your name is in the play and that it is based on you, and ask them to change the name if they choose to use the play.
That’s not a big deal and shouldn’t be an issue. It also gives them a heads-up on the “friend’s” personality. The second thing is to find a different friend. This person isn’t one if she’s so careless about her impact on you and how you feel and refuses to make one small change.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ writers are going to base characters and stuff in their environment around them but to outright use your full name even after you’ve asked her to change it is unacceptable and also opens her up to legal issues.
(There’s a reason books a movies have a disclaimer. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.)” AggravatingBread6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am an artist – amateur, just like your friend- and what she is isn’t an artist; she’s a jerk. A rude selfish, lazy loser who wants her friends to feel anxiety over something very easily fixed. Self-proclaimed ~artists~ can be some of the rudest, most toxic people because their identity revolves around the notion they’re ‘different’ than NON-creative people and thus special and more deserving of their needs and dreams. The notion someone’s artistic process is more important than a supposed friend’s feelings, is ridiculous.
Normal, non-conceited people don’t act like this. Artistry is no excuse. She’s just a bully who wants to be mean and has this ‘artist’ excuse she uses like a shield. I don’t know about the talent of this ~artist or the size/quality of the theater, but my fingers are crossed her stuff won’t even come close to a stage.
If it does, talk to the theatre directly and they can easily change it during the actual production. Even if your gross friend is involved and causes a fuss, she’ll have to defend this RIDICULOUS position of hers to keep your ENTIRE NAME in a show you don’t want it in for no reason other than her stupid whims. Having to defend against other ~artists (ones she’s appealing to) will probably be too embarrassing for her to not just go along with a simple character name change.
I would think twice about hanging out with this person. These actions are not that of a friend.” MoonPrincess666
2. AITJ For Buying My Cousin Robux But Not My Step-Sister After Our Fight?
“I am a 14-year-old female who does 2 side jobs. I do hair and acrylic nails for a living. I normally get at least 700 to 1000 dollars by the end of the week from working. Well, recently, my stepsister and I have been in an argument.
For privacy reasons, we will call her Grace.
Well, during this argument, Grace yelled out that “I’m gonna die alone and that’s why my dad left me and was never coming back”. Well, for me, even though she’s 8, it cut deep and she knew that.
So after that, I’ve been ignoring her and this has been going on for at least 2 weeks till my little cousin from my mom’s side came over to visit.
My 9-year-old female cousin asked me to buy her Robux while Grace was in the room (I must include that my cousin and Grace are like best friends, where one goes, the other one follows).
I told her sure since it was the end of the week and I had money. So as I was buying the Robux for my cousin, my stepsister looks up at me and said “Well, aren’t you gonna buy me some too?” With a smirk on my face, I said no. After that, she ran to my mom and stepdad crying, saying I was bullying her because I bought my cousin Robux and not her.
My stepdad told her that it was my money and that what she said to me a few weeks back wasn’t nice and that this was her karma, but my mom looked at me and told me I was being a spoiled brat and she will shut my business down if I don’t buy her Robux.
I calmly told my mom that my stepsister was an entitled brat and it’s my money and I will do what I want. My mom called me a jerk and bought my stepsister 100$ worth of Robux. My stepdad sides with me and calls my mom a jerk for not letting my stepsister learn her lesson.
Right now, I’m feeling a bit guilty and think that I may have been the jerk because she’s only 8 and she doesn’t really understand what she’s doing, but on the other hand, she is 8 and although she might not have meant what she said, it hurts a lot.
So, AITJ for buying my cousin 10$ worth of Robux but not my stepsister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! And kudos to your stepdad for having your back when your mom doesn’t! Grace is clearly the golden child (Sorry to say it).
You are 100% right, it is your money, to distribute as and where you please. Your cousin was nice to you and you treated her, your sister was mean and you punished her for it. Something that your mother should be doing.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your stepsister may only be 8 years old, but that’s no excuse. What she said was plain cruel. I’m happy that your stepdad backed you up, but I’m also disappointed with how your mom acted. Both your mom and your stepsister’s actions were beyond cruel in their own ways.
I’m glad they each apologized, and hope that this doesn’t happen again” Jinmi817
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Age plays a big role here. You being 14 and she being 8. 8-year-olds say mean stuff, you can’t take it personally. You should address that her words hurt you, but holding a grudge against an 8-year-old isn’t a good look.
This is a good opportunity to learn how to see the better in people when they wrong you.” LekoLi
1. AITJ For Naming My Daughter After My High School Partner's Nickname?
“I (30 M) and my wife “Sally” (30 F) have been married for 4 years. We met in college and have one 6-month-old daughter “Laurie”. I was the one who suggested our daughter’s name, and my wife loved it.
Sally was my second-ever significant other, and before her, I was involved with only one girl all throughout high school, “Lauren”.
We ended up splitting up because I was moving to the other side of the country for college. I believe Lauren had a huge influence on my life, and we maintained a polite relationship whenever I’d visit my parents in our hometown, and would sometimes go out together as friends whenever I’d pass by.
Until I met Sally and decided to stop talking to her at all out of fear of Sally getting jealous. We haven’t talked in years.
When Sally was pregnant, she had some health concerns and we didn’t get to visit them.
When Laurie was born, my parents said they were too old to travel to the other side of the country. About a month ago, Sally finally felt better and agreed to visit my parents in my hometown so they could meet the baby.
When we got there, we dropped by a supermarket to buy some diapers for Laurie, as we realized we hadn’t packed enough for a 2-week trip. There, we bumped into Lauren.
We did some small talk and I introduced her to Sally and Laurie.
Lauren smiled when she heard my daughter’s name and said something along the lines of my daughter’s name being the nickname I used to have for her when we were involved.
My wife looked angry, said goodbye to Lauren, and immediately left the supermarket, leaving me with my daughter.
I said bye to Lauren and went back to the car, where Sally drove to my parent’s home in silence.
I’ve tried explaining to Sally that I didn’t suggest our daughter’s name because I still love Lauren (because I don’t!), but because I remembered the nickname and just thought it was a pretty name, but the only responses she’s given me are nods.
The only time she’s actually directly talked to me in about 3 days was last night when she asked me if I was over Lauren when we had Laurie, and I said yes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ x1000. “Lauren smiled when she heard my daughter’s name and said something along the lines of my daughter’s name being the nickname I used to have for her when we were involved.” “I believe Lauren had a huge influence on my life.” This right here shows that there is a direct connection between your baby’s name and your ex.
Naming babies after exes is always a bad idea. Naming babies after exes when your spouse isn’t even aware that it’s the name of an ex is disgusting. Naming a baby after a pet name that you gave to your ex while you were involved is so beyond the pale that it’s unforgivable.
There is no way your wife would’ve been ok with using that name if she had known the truth. You knew exactly what you were doing. Your wife didn’t go through 9 months of pregnancy and birth to name her baby after your long-lost love.
Should your wife continue being married to you and have another baby, then she should get free rein over the next name and I hope she names it after a former lover and tells you it doesn’t mean anything.” ToughAd7278
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In what universe did you think this was ok? I’m not buying that you “remembered” the name, and not where you used it, and clearly neither does your wife. You even said Lauren had a huge impact on your life, so I’m sure she still took up the necessary mental real estate for you to REMEMBER her NAME.
Don’t even get me started on how weird it is that you went completely 0 contact and ghosted a woman who you proceeded to name your daughter after. I’m betting there’s more to that, but I’m sure that conversation will make either you or your daughter’s psychiatrist very rich someday.” GirlWithOnei
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. WTF were you thinking? I can’t believe someone could be this stupid. How would you feel if the tables were turned? How would you like to be standing in a supermarket while your wife’s ex smiles and comments about how your newborn son is actually named after him?
And how would you like to look at your wife and son for the rest of your life, after finding this out?! Using her ex’s nickname for your offspring, every darn day after that? I also think it’s weird how you “just stopped all communication with Lauren after getting into a relationship with Sally, out of fear that Sally might be jealous.” (Did you even discuss this with your wife and with Lauren?
It doesn’t sound like you did.) Yeah….seems like you just don’t have a backbone at all, and just skip all open & honest communication because it’s easier for you. And the way you speak of your wife, versus the way you speak of your ex, in this post?
Yikes. I hope this is a fake story. If not, and you are really this weak, I can’t believe your marriage has even lasted this long. I feel bad for your wife and daughter.” SpicySpaceNoodle
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