People Get Cagey About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Sisters-In-Law To Be My Bridesmaids?
“I, a 21-year-old female, have been with my fiance for 6, going on 7 years, and I am happy and excited to get married to him.
As we were planning for our wedding, his mother called him to ask if my brother was going to be one of his groomsmen (mind you, I never expected him to ask my brother or wanted him to ask).
He didn’t tell me what he said, but then his mother asked if her two daughters could be my bridesmaids.
My fiance and I were only going to have the best man and maid of honor at our wedding and that’s it, so he told her that he would ask me.
I told him no because his older sister and I were not very close. We once lived together with my fiance, aka her brother, and got into a big argument that we had to leave our home and move in with my dad. His little sister is 15 and has anger issues, and I don’t want to deal with both of them.
Of course, they are invited to the wedding, but I don’t want them as bridesmaids. His mother did tell him that I wanted them to be bridesmaids a long time ago, but of course, things changed, and I changed my mind.
My fiance wants me to do it just so his mom won’t be depressed (because she’s been feeling down for a while), but I want to be comfortable in my wedding and not regret anything.
I asked him why he had changed his mind, and he said he hadn’t, and he thought this was what I wanted.
His mom is going to ask me directly on Sunday, and I’m going to tell her the following.
“Your son and I decided that we will only have the best man and maid of honor for our wedding since that’s what we agreed on on Thursday.
I’m sorry, but they are still welcome to come.”
P.S. The wedding is small; only 50 people will come.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your future mother-in-law has no input into who your bridal party will be. The alarming thing in your post is how your fiance wants you to base your decision on healing your mother-in-law’s sadness.
He’s making you and your actions responsible for her feelings. Nip this in the bud, or it will ruin your marriage.” Hairy-Dark9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, but your fiancé has already thrown you under the bus with your FMIL. He said he didn’t know if you would have his sisters as bridesmaids but you’re about to tell her (MIL) that you guys had planned on only having a MOH and BM.
That will sound like a lie. Stick to your plans, don’t let her start manipulating her wants over your desires.” RoyIbex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially if you are polite and make sure your fiancé will back you up, and that you are both in agreement.
The script you have is great. If she insists, you can also add something about the costs of adding more people to your bridal party. Because she probably isn’t expecting the sisters to pay for their dresses, jewelry, shoes, bachelorette party costs, rehearsal dinner costs, etc. It’s your wedding.
Do not give in to what other people want just to make them happy. As long as you are polite, they shouldn’t have a real reason to get upset.” Louise
26. AITJ For Moving Unattended Clothes At The Laundromat?
“I walk into the laundromat at the same time as one other person. At this point, we are the only two people in the laundromat. We head to the machines to find that six of the seven machines are filled with wet clothes.
The indicators on the machines say the cycle is finished, but the owner of the clothes is nowhere to be found. The other person and I both have two loads each with us, and neither of us has all day to wait for the owner of the clothes to come back.
The other person suggests we wait 5-10 minutes for the owner of the clothes to come back, and if they don’t we take the clothes out and put them on the folding table.
We wait a full ten minutes and no sign of the clothes’ owner, so onto the folding table they go.
Then, twenty minutes later the clothes’ owner finally shows up. She proceeded to get furious at us for touching her clothes, saying we had no right to do that.
Moving someone else’s clothes is indeed bad laundromat etiquette. But so is hogging almost every machine at one time.
This laundromat also has a sign stating not to leave your clothes unattended. Furthermore, these machines only take half an hour to complete their cycle, so this person was gone for at least an hour, most likely more. She knew the machines took only 30 minutes (the machines say so), so she knew her clothes were needlessly taking up machines other people could be using.
We had no clue when she’d be back, or if she’d even come back at all. We both had things to do that evening and didn’t have time to potentially wait hours for this person to come back for her clothes. So are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I own two laundromats. We have signs stating that your wash load will be removed if customers are waiting for open machines. We look at people hogging the machines as minor theft. you are never in the wrong for removing loads of overdue clothes.” Mpegirl2006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t go to laundromats often but I did live in a dorm for a few years. The first few years the whole dorm of 5 floors with about 40 people on each dorm had to share 4 washers and 4 dryers. So I get it, if someone left their laundry in the machines for more than an hour they’d get it moved to the table in the laundry room.
At least you didn’t throw it in the trash as I’ve seen once. There were also times when someone didn’t come get their laundry for days.” Diamond_blue2
25. AITJ For Refusing To Cosign My Sister's Expensive Car Loan?
“My sister is of the age where she wants to get a car. For reasons beyond the scope of this post, she doesn’t want my father to cosign a lease for her and my mother doesn’t have the best credit score so she can’t help either.
Since I have a decent credit score and am the older brother, the next person to ask for help is me.
A few months back she had asked me to help her get a car but she was underaged and therefore couldn’t sign a loan agreement.
Therefore, I would have had to finance the car myself and had her pay me in this weird roundabout situation until she turned 18 and I could transfer the car over to her. During that debacle, I bailed out on helping her as it turned out to be more complicated than I was expecting.
She was also getting a truck ( which she only wanted for posterity reasons ) and I didn’t particularly agree with her spending more money on a car just for that reason. For the most part, I think she understood and everything was fine.
Jump to today, she can now legally sign for her car.
I had told her previously that I would cosign for her. I had expected that she would pick a reasonably priced car. Around 20k cars is more than enough to have a reliable newish car. When I got the call today to cosign the car was instead 27k for a Kia sport.
I tried to convince her to get a less expensive vehicle to no avail and I ended up bailing on cosigning again.
While I would not have been expected to pay anything into this car and I have no doubt my sister believes that she can afford it, I felt uncomfortable placing my well-being on the line for what I considered to be a luxury.
On the other hand, I do feel bad for bailing both times when I genuinely would help. I’m not sure whether I am being too controlling of my sister’s decisions, especially since she probably has enough money to keep up with the payments. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You offered to help your sister get a car when she couldn’t sign for one herself, but it got too complicated. Now she can, but the car she chose is way more expensive than you expected. It’s okay to feel uneasy about co-signing for a pricey car, especially if it might affect your finances.
You’re just looking out for her, and she should understand your concerns about the cost.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My first car was paid for about 75% and financed the rest. I was 18 and my dad did co-sign due to my basic lack of a credit history but it was only a small amount and I was making well enough to pay it off early.
Plus my dad would have been able to pay it off easily without hardship if I defaulted, which I never would have done. I also bought a very reasonable car used Ford Escort. If a person is at all uneasy about Co-signing a loan I would say don’t do it.
It’s not just the potential financial implications, it can ruin relationships.” DiamondDependent342
24. AITJ For Wanting Parents To Reimburse The Troop For A Missed Event?
‘I am a Girl Scout troop leader. I have a split-level troop this year, meaning half the girls are in one level and half in another.
Each level has different badges and requirements. My daughter is in the older level. My co-leader did not continue this year for very valid reasons, so I have been planning separate activities and meetings for both groups. The issue is with the younger level.
With scout and parent input, I planned a Horseback Riding workshop at a local stable for them to earn this badge.
All parents agreed on the date. To meet the minimum scout requirement I had to find and partner with other area troops at this level. I collected all permission forms, and money from other troops, and sent it all to the stable. My scouts were paid for with the troop bank account from funds they earned during the last cookie season fundraiser.
I had a parent volunteer who would be at the event to watch the girls. I was not attending, as my daughter is not in this group. I received an upset text from my parent volunteer. Only she and her daughter showed up at the workshop from my troop.
I had an upset email from the leader of another troop that the event started late because they were waiting for people who never showed up. I later found out that the JV soccer team had a playoff game this morning, which they won. This meant they were in the next-round game that conflicted with the workshop.
The girls all went there instead. WIBTJ if I demanded the parents of the girls who did not attend reimburse the troop for their child? It was $40 per scout. For reference, troops earn 75 cents per box of cookies sold, so this is a significant amount of money taken from the troop account.
The workshop was non-refundable, and we cannot reschedule since it took place with the scout who did show up and the other troops involved.”
Another User Comments:
“I would just say something like “Unfortunately the troop doesn’t have the budget for any badges that require an outing since all our troop funds went to earn the horseback riding badge” Don’t mention that most didn’t show and if they get upset, let them know there would be money for additional badges if they reimburse the troop $40.” Bd10528
Another User Comments:
“First, it is vital to acknowledge how important your work as a troop leader is and how horrible the parents are for wasting the TROOP’s resources, especially considering that the participation in the grueling cookies season was voluntary. No one likes a person who does not pull their weight in the troop (in terms of effort, not necessarily results) but wants to spend the money.
However, for better and for worse, the money becomes the troop’s money to steward, spend, and yes, waste as a group, regardless of whether it’s fair to individual members or if it’s a good use of the troop’s funds. You can ASK for it back, but DEMANDING it would cause so much friction that it would make you the jerk.
There is, sadly, no way to right the wrong done to you and the troop.” bulbil
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ. Just let the group know that most of the money was spent on an outing only one person attended. You might also email the parents and ask them to tell you about conflicts ahead of time.
I’m guessing you could have changed the date for the horseback riding camp. Something similar happened when I was a kid. We’d all decided to go line dancing – it was the 90s, okay? I don’t think there was a line dancing badge, but we earned most of our badges in meetings and only occasionally got them for outings, and we all wanted to line dance.
On the day, 4 people showed up. It was cool because there were 4 teachers at the studio we booked so we each got personal instruction and had a good time. But at the next meeting, our troop leader said we’d spent a lot of money on an event only 4 people came to.
She said she knew that usually 1-2 people would miss because they were sick, had a conflict, etc., but this time a ton of people just didn’t come or call, and we didn’t have any more money for outings until Wild and Wonderful. After that, there were more people at our outings.” Bloodrayna
23. AITJ For Letting My Half-Brother Break My Stepsister's Phone?
“So I am currently at my dad’s house for a while for reasons I don’t want to get into on here. While at my dad’s I have a stepbrother, stepsister, and a little half-brother. We’re all a lot older than him (I’m 16 my stepsister is 15, my stepbrother is 10 and my half-brother is 5) so we babysit him a lot.
He’s a good kid most of the time but he LOVES throwing everything, he’s broken one of my phones because I didn’t have it on me and he threw it.
My stepbrother wasn’t home for this nor is he asked that much because well he’s younger too but my stepsister has been pawning off my half-brother on me.
It’s starting to annoy me because I know she didn’t make plans to go see her friends she’s just leaving the house before I can object to anything. The other day we were gonna switch off for a while but said she’d look after him once she got out of the shower.
I should’ve known but she was in the bathroom for well over 45 minutes and I still heard the water on.
At this point I had enough and stopped following him around to make sure he didn’t go anywhere he wasn’t supposed to. He ended up in my stepsister’s room took her phone and ran outside to the backyard.
Just like he did with mine he threw it right on the concrete and shattered it. After about another 20 minutes she got out and when she found out what happened she was furious and told our parents when they got home from work.
My parents were pretty upset and accused me of letting him take her phone on purpose.
I tried to say she kept passing him onto me and leaving before I could answer and to their credit, they did listen. We both got grounded and now she isn’t speaking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not reasonable or responsible for your parents to expect you (a 16yo) or your step-sister (a 15yo) to be responsible for a 5yo for a full day.
This is called parentification and it’s not good. Watching your half-brother for long periods is not your step-sister’s or your responsibility. I get the impression that your step-sister has had to be the responsible party for a lot longer than you have had. Her behavior (taking advantage of your presence to have more personal time) is entirely reasonable.
Your not wanting to take over or share this responsibility is also entirely reasonable. However, you can’t leave all the care to your step-sister just like your parents have been, that’s not fair either. Talk to her about how you can split this care more fairly, even though it sucks, and she’ll probably be more reliable about doing her half.
Try talking to the parents and raising that it’s not reasonable for them to give either or both of your carer responsibilities for the 5yo. They should either pay you in recognition that it’s work that prevents you from doing your stuff or pay someone else to look after him.
Also, he needs to be taught that destroying stuff is not ok. You and your step-sister are No jerks here, but your parents might be a bit.” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are the jerks. They each had children already, but they just had to have another that was “just theirs” yes?
Like the way they probably both have up their old homes and bought a new one together. And then they keep pawning his care off on their older children. No wonder he hasn’t learned by 5 years old that he can’t just grab other people’s things and throw them.
The only excuse for his behavior is if he’s got some severe behavioral issues, which would make your father and stepmother even bigger jerks.” Born-Eggplant8313
22. AITJ For Inviting My Sister To A Club Event Instead Of My Younger Sister?
“Me (31m) my partner (29f) and 4 other couples were planning to go to a club tonight for Halloween.
It’s a NYC club and the minimum is not cheap. Last minute, one of the couples, John and Maria, couldn’t make it because of childcare issues but agreed to cover their portion of the minimum anyway because of the late change. John is good friends with my BIL, Mike.
John texted the group and said we should invite Mike and my sister Olivia (27 f) & because Mike and Olivia don’t make as much as we do, he was still fine to cover their minimum. I told John that was super nice and I would split their portion of the minimum with him, basically, he can pay for Mike and I will pay for Olivia.
My younger sister Lily (22 f) texted and called me this morning that she was really upset I invited Olivia but not her.
I explained what was happening and that John was covering Mike’s portion because they are good friends and I just offered to cover Olivia’s half because it would be unfair to stick John with the bill for my sister.
Lily said because she is younger and Olivia has a job if I was going to invite someone for free to a fancy club it should be her and she said I “always do this” (I once paid for Knicks tickets for Mike and Olivia to come with us to a game because Mike’s favorite team was in town.
They have been married for 3 years this is the only time I can remember paying for something for those two and not including Lily). Lily said she is not as upset about the money but feels like I don’t ‘include her’ She called my mom and my mom just said she is staying out of it and frankly does not want to hear about her kids at the club lol.
I feel bad because I wasn’t trying to exclude Lily and make her upset while I was paying for Olivia but it all just came about because John couldn’t make it and Mike is his friend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In this situation, it seems like you’re NTJ.
You didn’t intentionally exclude Lily; the circumstances arose because of John’s inability to make it and his decision to cover his friend Mike’s expenses. You handled the situation fairly by offering to cover Olivia’s part to avoid imposing the bill on someone else. Your decision was not based on favoritism but on a specific set of circumstances.
Understandably, Lily might feel left out, but it’s essential to communicate the context to her, just as you did. Maybe have an open conversation with her to reassure her that your actions weren’t meant to make her feel excluded, and it was an exception due to the unique situation with John and Mike.
Hopefully, she’ll understand the situation better with a bit more context. Good luck!” Opposite_Teach_5279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your little sister isn’t entitled just because she wants to be the one going. This came from someone outside the family. What did she expect?
Go with her sister’s husband? Don’t get involved though. It’s time to sort things out between siblings without asking her to take sides.” trishsf
21. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Partner To Pay Me Back After She Refused?
“My friend and I went out to eat at this restaurant for girl’s night. After we ate the waitress asked if we wanted a separate check or not and I said separate.
After the waitress brought the check back and walked away my friend told me she had forgotten her wallet. I told her no big deal she could just send me the money through Zelle.
She told me that I should treat her since I invited her out for girls’ night.
I told her in the history of us having girl nights it’s been a thing that we each pay for ourselves because we end up ordering quite a bit of drinks which can get expensive in addition to our meal. I told her she had to pay me back.
Her order cost $65 and she never sent me the money.
I asked her a week later if she could Zelle me the money and said she didn’t have it at the time since she just paid some bills and told me she’d give it to me when she had it and I needed to stop acting like I’m “broke and desperate for money”.
I ended up contacting her partner to get in touch with her and he said he was at work at the time and wasn’t aware of what happened but he’d tell her to contact me. She texted me later that day telling me not to contact her partner ever again and said her partner always pays for her when they go out so since I invited her out it should be my treat to her and I need to stop asking her to pay me back.
I took a screenshot of her message and sent it to her partner in hopes he’d compensate me for her and she ended up texting me telling me she just blocked me from his phone because I shouldn’t be contacting him.
She told me she’s never met anyone so desperate for money and if I’m that broke I have bigger issues to worry about.
She ended up blocking me from everything.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. Your friend is a jerk for not honoring a well-understood principle of girls’ night and not paying you back. You were a jerk and crossed a line by calling an unrelated party about your money dispute.
Your friend’s partner should never have been a part of this. Don’t meddle in their relationship. Honestly, it’s a little nutty of you to even think of doing this. Just move on, think of the cost of disposing of this so-called “friend” as $65 to avoid future headaches.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“You’re Not The Jerk – she did you a favor, she’s a cheap skate and you’re better off not having her as a friend. I can see some people may say contacting her partner might be odd but £65 is quite a bit of money, it’s not like she even offered to pay for next time.” Karla
Another User Comments:
“You’re Not The Jerk. She was never intending to pay you back. She was just hoping you’d forget or say, oh never mind. She probably does this a lot. I’m glad you embarrassed her with her partner because it’s exactly what she deserves.
$70, frigging dollars! She doesn’t get to go out, and just suddenly decides to prioritize other bills over paying you. She never forgot her wallet. I’d call her mom and burn her whole social circle to the ground. I’d make fake accounts and use Photoshop to make it look like she was being unfaithful to her partner and send it to him via another phone.
I’m the special level of petty tho…” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Friend's Partner Due To Exhaustion?
“I (19f) don’t want to meet my friend’s (22m) partner.
For starters, I do classes online, which feels like a larger workload than in-person classes, and I work full time, 5-6 days a week, and am generally tired and bitter because I hate my job.
I met my friend through my partner, and the three of us hung out a good amount.
My friend has since gotten a partner and I refuse to meet her. I don’t want to meet her during the week and the weekends I work, because I am tired. I don’t want to spend my one day of a weekend, or half my weekend, hanging out with someone I don’t know.
I barely even get time for myself or my friends, why would I want to do that? I also want to be genuinely pleasing and not fake tolerable when I meet her because she does seem great and all and I think we’d be good friends; I’m just too exhausted to want to make new friends.
I never explained in detail to my friend, though, that I felt that way. Every time he brought up meeting her, I’d just say I’m tired I don’t want to, or I’d say that I just met a bunch of new people at work that week, and I’m burned out and don’t want to.
I understand how me just adamantly not wanting to meet her came across as rude.
I saw texts between him and my partner about how he could still be friends with my partner, but his partner said I was being disrespectful to her by not wanting to meet her, and he said he didn’t respect me for not wanting to meet her and felt disrespected, too.
I feel like this was a big miscommunication on my part, and now some woman I’ve never met hates me just because I don’t have the time or energy to hang out with her just because she’s my friend’s partner.
So, with that all being said, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re making this a way bigger deal than it needed to be. Just do a group hangout like you would normally do, with her included. I don’t understand what the problem with that would be. You don’t have to be best friends and hang out one-on-one all the time.” Unable-Investment-24
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get you’re tired, but by continually refusing to meet this friend’s partner, you’re telling that friend how little you value their friendship. You’re essentially telling them, they’re not important enough for me to be mildly inconvenienced for an hour to grab a bite or thirty minutes to grab coffee to meet someone significant in their life.
It’s your right to be tired and not meet them, but that also means you’re going to lose a friend because you’re not making any effort in the friendship relationship.” JamboreeJunket
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re not meeting your own needs, and you’re lashing out as a result.
You’re angry. How are you managing your anger? What healthy outlets have you found? How are you dealing with that emotion? You’re taking on a huge amount. Is there any way you can cut back your work hours so you can go to some in-person classes?
Could you ditch this whole program and study a trade instead – many states are offering paid apprenticeships to lucrative trades?” User
19. AITJ For Confronting Previous Tenants Over Their Tax Evasion?
“So, I moved into my new home in Ireland last summer, and the old tenants moved out and immigrated to France. Letters for the old tenants (let’s call them Julian and Juliet) came thick and fast, like 5 a day.
I initially “Returned to Sender” for the next 8 months. I spoke to the Landlord and explained the situation, so he sent them an email asking them to redirect their mail. We can’t open their post as in my country as that’s illegal…landlord has no forwarding address for them.
The letters mount for the old tenants, 10 a day, clearly from banks, which are bright red “chasers”. The Irish and French embassies also write too.
I’ve had enough. I’m worried about bailiffs.
Letters slip out of envelopes.
Turns out their debt is mounting! Bailiffs indeed might show up… Landlords can’t help as they can’t be found guilty of opening their post.
I don’t care about that! (Not that I’ve ever opened anyone’s post obviously).
The plot thickens… the Irish and French embassies both write, providing certificates:
“We, the Irish embassy, enclose a certificate that you Julien, and Juliet are exempt from tax in the country of France, as you are residents in Ireland at: (My address, which is their old address)”.
“We, in the country of France, confirm that you live at (My address/their old address in Ireland) and are therefore exempt from paying tax in France. Thank you for requesting this certificate via your application form”.
Tax evasion my friends. Forget that.
I contacted Julien on social media and asked him to stop all letters.
I reminded him that if he was considering it, tax evasion is illegal. He brushed me off.
Told him I wasn’t born yesterday, and to pack it in with the letters or I’d write to the embassies and contact the Police. I said I wanted the letters to stop, not fight.
He called me a racist GDPR breaker, and that he’d get me arrested and contact my landlord.
So, I know you shouldn’t open people’s posts, but I was desperate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rather than reporting for tax fraud, I suggest sending a letter to the tax authorities stating that you continue to receive mail from them for these people, but they have not lived at this address since, (date), and to the best of your knowledge, they now live in (location).
The rest is up to the authorities. Also on the other mail, with the return to sender, write a note stating that they haven’t lived there since (date) and now live (location).” MadTownMich
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here They are obvious jerks. They are breaking the law, and it *will* eventually catch up with them.
You opened their mail, that’s a crime. Just get a rubber stamp that says “does not live here, return to sender”, you could make one for like $2. Bailiffs get sent, so what, the people don’t live there and you aren’t doing anything wrong. The bailiffs would then talk to the landlord, who would also tell them they moved out months/ years ago, that’s the whole “catching up with them” part.
Don’t open any more of their mail, get the stamp to save yourself writing time. One thing all governments take more seriously than anything else is receiving their taxes, they always want their slice of the pie. Just tell whoever shows up the truth (you live there, they don’t, and they haven’t since before you moved in), and you’ll be fine.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for opening the mail. All this could have been done by returning the mail with a letter stating they have lived at the address since x date. Or by calling and talking to someone. Worst case scenario, you would need to show them a copy of your lease or a letter from the landlord stating that old tenants did live at the address from this date to that date.
They have since moved and have not provided a forwarding address. All you did was stir the pot and give the old tenants reason to harass and potentially go after you for opening their mail.” Sunnyok85
18. AITJ For Not Having Energy To Do Housework After Long Work Shifts?
“I work as a security guard in a shopping center.
We have no patrol vehicle, and I’m the only guard on-site. I end up averaging about 14 miles a day on an 8-hour shift as I am supposed to walk the site hourly. This makes me very tired at the end of each day, and very tired when I have to work a 12-hour shift, as I end up having to walk at least 20; though I normally work 8.
So, I usually get home and I’m exhausted. I have no energy left in me as I feel like I spent all day running a marathon. My legs hurt, and my joints are swollen. It’s not a big issue, I do understand it’s part of the job.
This is where the issue lies…
When I come home my partner is angry. Angry that I don’t have the energy to do anything. Angry that I just want to come home and chill. Angry that I don’t want to clean up or do any housework.
For context, my partner, works anywhere from 3 to 5 days a week for 4 to 8 hours, of landscaping. Sometimes only 3 days with 4-hour days, and maybe a 6-hour day on Friday.
We are down a guard, and I have not had a normal “work week” in about a month and a half because I’m covering all these shifts.
When I get to my weekends, I do want to do stuff but I am not hyper-active about it. My legs are still very sore the next day, and a little less on my 2nd day off depending on what I did the day prior.
He’s angry because “you haven’t done anything for a month”.
I just feel like I might be the jerk here or maybe we both are, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to even get the energy to clean the house after getting home from my shifts… so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, you two need to communicate and work out an equitable solution, whether that’s you really stepping it up on the weekends, hiring a cleaner, or something else. You might have to start looking for a new job, you can’t just continue to do what you’re doing and expect your partner to accept it.” WhyCommentQueasy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when my SO was working 50hr weeks I knew I would have to step up and do more of the housework. I would try to come to a solution like hiring a cleaner or asking your partner to take an extra day off work to take care of the house.
You could also rest on your first day off and commit to spending quality time together on your second. Good luck!” village
17. AITJ For Being Annoyed When My Brother Ruined My Laptop And My Mom Accused Me Of Having A Bad Attitude?
“I’m 16(F). My younger brother (6) went up to me and shut my laptop in the middle of me doing my schoolwork. I had food on a napkin sitting on it for a second so I could get situated, and it went all over my computer.
I got up and I had an annoyed expression.
My mom told me I was being mean and that I had an attitude. I told her I was annoyed that my brother did that, and I didn’t understand why it was wrong of me to feel that way.
She went on and on telling me I’ve had a bad attitude lately and that I’m being “mean” to everyone.
I don’t understand how me being upset on my terms has anything to do with anyone else. Am I supposed to be positive and in a good mood 24/7?
I don’t get why my being upset means I’m in the wrong.
My parents get mad and upset all the time. Just last night my dad screamed at me for no reason because he was in a bad mood. My mom snaps at me all the time when she’s in a bad mood.
So why is it wrong of me to display emotion that’s something other than happiness? I tried to explain that to her but it didn’t work.
I ignored her the entire time she was getting onto me because it wasn’t fair that I was getting in trouble for feeling a certain way.
I told her I wasn’t going to listen and to leave me alone because she wasn’t being fair.
It’s like she watched me and tried to catch the slightest negative emotion to bash me for it. She got mad again when I ignored her, which I get, but I don’t understand what I did wrong in the first place.
She said people can tell when I’m annoyed at them, and I told her I’m not going to be happy when someone tries to be rude to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had similar experiences before. Your brother is ruining your stuff and it’s annoying you.
Why are you in the wrong? Sure, you can argue there’s a ten-year age difference so “maybe you shouldn’t get so mad” or something like that. Even if YTJ is in the house in general as your mom claims, it doesn’t immediately put you in the wrong if your brother destroys your laptop worth hundreds of dollars for no reason.” techmakerdb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been through that – when I have emotions, it’s because I’m too sensitive, bratty, snotty, moody, etc. When my parents had emotions, I needed to understand what they were going through. Okay.” superman
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Family To My Adults-Only Wedding?
“My partner and I are getting married in a year.
We sent out the “save the date” cards with a nice note saying that it will be an adults-only event (18+) as most of our friends and family members have kids. Our friends and my partner’s family don’t have any issues with this. They all are happy to have a night away from the kids and were grateful for a year’s notice to find babysitters.
My family, however, weren’t.
My sister has told me that she and my BIL won’t be able to attend as their kids (ranging in age from 7 to 13) won’t be allowed to attend and she can’t find a babysitter. I suggested her in-laws (as a possibility) who regularly look after her kids and explained my reasons for having an adult-only event (cost being one of them and we were going to do a separate day where we have a mock wedding after we get back from the honeymoon) but she still refused to attend.
I said that’s fine and I respected her decision, and said I wouldn’t send her an invite to not rub the wedding in her face
Now my parents and brother are angry at me for not going to send her an invite (which will have the location (local) and time of the wedding) and are refusing to attend also.
The last time she was invited to an adults-only wedding 2 years ago, she brought her kids along (against the bride and groom’s wishes) and they ended up screaming through the service and destroying the cake. I want people to relax and enjoy my wedding without having to worry about crying kids or wondering where they are.
My partner supports me but thinks I should not send out invitations to either my sister, my parents as well my brother. So I’m wondering AITJ for not sending them invitations? They can still come to the “kiddie” wedding as that’s going to be more kid-friendly.
Please note that no invitations have gone out yet and will be going out in the next 6 months.”
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes I wonder if people were raised in a barn. An elegant evening dinner dance is no place for children. You need to do everything you can to prevent this woman from ruining your function and tell your family to get a book on etiquette.
Then they can understand what is correct and who is right in this situation. I am always shocked when I see these entitled people dragging their entire families to functions that other people are paying for. No class at all. Glad you are addressing this early and upfront” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the entitlement of your sister is amazing. To have witnessed her kids ruin someone’s wedding and still insist she gets to bring her kids…Although she probably blames everyone but her angels. Don’t invite her or your family of enablers, so you can have a stress-free wedding.
Perhaps someone at the door to bar them from entering if you think they’d go there.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister has a year to try to find a babysitter, yet she knows instantly that she can’t get one? She doesn’t care enough to try or is hoping you will change the policy and accommodate her.
As for not sending her an invite, of course, you won’t send one. She has specifically already told you she can’t come. Sending an invite to someone you know can’t make it is a waste of time and paper. I don’t know what the rest of your family is thinking.
Are you sure they heard the same version of events from your sister? Because I can’t see why they would overwhelmingly support her in this. Hopefully, you can at least fix whatever is happening there and have some family at your wedding.” Capital-Effort2597
15. AITJ For Confronting My Dad For Pocketing My Cochlear Implant Insurance Money?
“So I, 23F was born profoundly deaf and received cochlear implants when I was 2 years old. I grew up with wealthy middle-class parents with good health insurance from my father’s company. 90% coverage kind of insurance. About almost two years ago I upgraded my cochlear processor because my old one was very worn out and I was having difficulty hearing people.
I got the upgrade for both sides and it cost $20k. I am on my father’s insurance, insurance wrote a check to my father for 18k. I let my dad handle it because I thought I could trust him with that. I came to find out a year later my account was put “on hold”, while I was trying to order new batteries for the processor.
After I spoke to the billing department and called my insurance about the “missing 18k check” that was supposed to be paid. I found out my dad pocketed the 18k because it was deposited to his account after confirming with insurance agents.
I’ve been bringing this up to my dad I know what he did and he needs to give the money over.
He’s been avoiding me left and right, disappear, and go AWOL. My accounts have recently been updated from “on hold” to “blocked” which means I can’t get any new equipment even if it’s under warranty. My audiology is aware of the situation and told me I need to get this resolved ASAP because my warranty is soon going to expire and I need to replace my processor.
I’m considering my options, my dad does help me with other expenses which would impact me if he stopped paying those as well. I am in college and I’m not wealthy, my dad is. I’m treading on eggshells. If my processor malfunctions, I have no way to function in life.
I was not raised in the deaf community, I know some sign language, but I’m not fluent.”
Another User Comments:
“If dad doesn’t want to look bad he shouldn’t do bad things. At this point, your ability to communicate has to take precedence over his ego.
What he is doing is no different than taking a wheelchair away from a paraplegic, and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal. Let everyone know what he has done, and contact a lawyer to see if there are legal options, he can deal with the consequences.
I provided support services for the deaf and hard of hearing for 12 years, I am outraged on your behalf. Does your college provide notetaking services? Are there organizations near you that provide support for the deaf?” Mereadsalot
14. AITJ For Leaving My MIL With An Unpaid Light Bill And No Food After She Refused To Help Pay?
“So me and my husband fell on hard times and decided to move in with my MIL in January.
We wanted to save enough money to buy a home for our children. My husband spoke to my MIL and she agreed that that was fine. Right after moving in, we found out I was pregnant with our third child. It is now October and we have provided all the food since we moved in as well as paid half of her light bill every month except for September.
Well, when the October light bill came in it was $1300 because since we moved in she decided to only pay half of the light bill every month (only our part) and not pay her portion of the bill without telling us she had gotten so far behind on the bill.
When the bill came in she told my husband that she was not paying it at all and we had to pay her light bill by ourselves.
We just had our third baby the month prior as well as my husband’s job not working their full hours and was a little short on funds.
My husband asked her if she could please come up with half so they don’t turn the lights off because we have children who cannot go without lights and could not pay the full bill by ourselves along with our many other bills and she said no that she was not paying any of it.
I then decided that we would move out. She is telling everybody that we are wrong for doing that to her. She thinks our kids should have stayed in a house with no lights. AITJ for moving my family out and leaving her with no lights or food ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You “fell on hard times” and “decided” to move in with MIL? You had no other option. You didn’t pay rent, you said you’d pay half the light bill and skipped a month, then bailed on her? Also, they don’t just turn your lights off for nonpayment of one month.
Even if they did, have you ever heard of candles? How do you think children survived before electricity? You were using your MIL. What’s your plan now? You said you moved out. Where to? If you had somewhere to go, why were you at MILs?” berriiwitch
Another User Comments:
“The way it went down is pretty awful, but you had an agreement with her, and she reneged on that agreement and you therefore ended it. INFO: She was paying for her bills and food before you moved in, what happened to her money?
Did her income drop, did she start spending on non-essentials, or does she have savings she simply refused to spend on the lighting and now food?” chrestomathy
Another User Comments:
“Sorry to say so but I, YTJ. Not only did you not pay rent but you only paid half the electric bill when there is only one of her vs your entire family.
You supplied food but you had to feed your crew, regardless of where you were living so I feel this barely even counts. You were “squatting” at her expense. Also, the way she spends her inheritance is none of your business and you don’t have any right to a single cent if she chooses to not share.” Anya1040
13. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son's Destructive Friend Over?
“My son (age 8) has a friend who is a bit of troubled child. He doesn’t do well away from home without us, and so we just plan to host friends when they want to get together.
The last couple of times this girl (age 7) has come over, she cut up a bunch of house plants, threw the sorted Lego bins across the room, dumped out all of the shampoo and soap bottles in the bathtub, broke toys, and took a sharpie to the wall.
She also has a habit of slipping my kid’s toys in her pockets when she goes home. I’ve told my kids that we can meet her at the park, but that I am uncomfortable with her coming here.
Her mom commented how my boys and I only ever want to meet out, never at people’s homes to a mutual friend.
We have a pretty close-knit community, and it eventually came out that I was specifically excluding this particular child.
Now, she’s telling people that I’m a jerk/bully because I won’t let her daughter come over when I let all the other kids come visit.
I feel like not welcoming someone who doesn’t respect my house into my home is just common sense.”
Another User Comments:
“Forget that noise. NTJ. “Fairness” doesn’t include “inviting property damage into your house with no hope of accountability from responsible parties.” The mom is ignoring and excusing the issue while making you out to be a villain.
Your boundary here is a smart one and is as fair as can be without leaving yourself open to being a victim. If the mom tries to cry foul, respond with the truth.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not being unreasonable, and you don’t need to be “fair” and punish your son or his other friends by not allowing them over.
You gave her mom honest reasons and she is choosing to minimize those (huge red flag right there). You are also still making an effort to allow your kids to play together at the park. Other parents are likely having the same issues if this girl is visiting their homes- so don’t worry about the gossip.
It will sort itself out in the long run.” thrucellardoor
Another User Comments:
“As a former teacher, I concur that this child’s behavior is far from the norm – as is her mother’s. I wouldn’t have her back, either. If for some reason she had to be in my home, I’d make sure that she was where I could see her at all times.
You would not have been out of line to send her home after the first incredibly naughty thing that she did, OP. If this child, or another, causes a big mess again don’t hesitate to tell them that their behavior is “unacceptable and inappropriate,” and that they would be going home immediately.
You don’t have to raise your voice or get raspy with anger, just be firm. Your child is still young, OP, and you have years of play dates ahead of you. Don’t be afraid of being directive to children in your home, as long as you are pleasant about it.
Kids are accustomed to being given directions by grownups and just need to know your rules. Don’t worry about this other mother complaining about you – I’m sure that the rest of the community knows about her difficult child already. NTJ” Swedishpunsch
12. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Parents' House Due To My Severe Cat Allergy?
“My (25M) family is close-knit, we have a big family that often meets up at my parents’ house a few times a week. I recently stopped going to my parents because my younger sister who lives with my parents (F21) was gifted a kitten from her partner last week, they both knew I was allergic to cats and assumed since I moved out it would be okay to keep one in the house.
I am severely allergic to cats and have been my entire life. It’s to the point where I break out in hives, get teary-eyed, and it gets harder to breathe. This has been a constant in my life so we cannot have cats. I tried going over once because I was told it was a hypoallergenic cat, despite not knowing the breed. I still had symptoms such as watery eyes and the air felt heavy.
My mom told me that the cat wasn’t allowed anywhere around the house but just in my sister’s room, but I still felt the air feel weird in there and didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure if it was paranoia.
After the visit, I told my mom I would probably be visiting less because of the cat, I just feel uncomfortable there. My mom said that was unfair to her and my dad, but I couldn’t risk being there and getting a worse reaction.
I don’t want to be a jerk and make my sister get rid of the kitten her partner got her, but now I feel unwelcome at my parent’s house (which was also my childhood home). My mom doesn’t want the cat there, but my dad doesn’t mind.
With the holidays coming up Thanksgiving, and Christmas, I also don’t want to be the jerk not being the only sibling who won’t show up. AITJ for telling my parents I can’t visit until my sister gets rid of her new cat?”
Another User Comments:
“I think both sides were equally unreasonable but have not yet risen to the level of jerk so No jerks here. They can have a cat now that you’ve moved out. It sucks and is unfortunate for you, but they could have waited decades to have this pet and are finally able to.
You also should not have said that your sister has to get rid of the cat. The flip side though is you can’t visit and they made that choice to exclude you. You are right to set the boundary that you can’t go over there.
You have a medical reason and are not being difficult or selfish. It was wrong of your mom to say you’re being unfair. It’s nice that she wants you to experience a bad medical event or extreme discomfort just so you can come over. I am probably pessimistic but I expect this to escalate to them guilting you and getting mad that you can’t visit for the holidays.
Then it will be NTJ.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t live there, The people who live there all the time want to have a pet and it is unreasonable to think that people shouldn’t do things they enjoy (including having a pet) only for visitors.
However, they already knew that you were allergic, so they had to know that was going to happen. You are not the jerk for decreasing your visits to their house, but they are not the ones either for wanting to keep the cat. Maybe a compromise can be reached and you all can meet at another member of the family’s house or a third place (restaurant, café, etc.).
But you will be the jerk if you push them into getting rid of the cat. Not your decision.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can’t be around the cat. It’s not reasonable for them to expect that. However, it’s also not reasonable for you to expect them to never have a pet that your sister has probably wanted for years.
I have family members who are allergic to my pets. We see them at restaurants or plan outdoor outings. It can be done. I’m an adult and I’m not going to have pets because there are allergies in what is now my extended rather than immediate family.
If everyone is a little bit flexible, it can work.” ADawg28
11. AITJ For Asking A Company Employee Questions During Her Commute?
“My fiancé and I are on our first-ever trip outside of the country. We’ve been having fun sightseeing but we don’t speak the local language and finding info online in English has been hard. My fiancé has been wanting to go on a river cruise, but the boat schedule changes when it’s no longer tourist season AKA the summer, and we have no idea what the new schedule is since Google still shows the old hours and whenever we call to ask, nobody answers.
Yesterday on the train back to our hotel we spotted a woman who was wearing a t-shirt with the boating company’s logo on it, so I decided to just go up and ask her the questions we wanted answered. She spoke very fluent English and said yes when we asked her if she was an employee, but was very short and borderline rude when answering us.
I left to go back to my seat afterward, but then realized I didn’t ask her a very important question about if pets were allowed since we had our dog with us, but when I went to speak to her again she got up and changed seats without answering me.
My fiancé and I were honestly very surprised.
When I told my sister the story of what happened, she called me a jerk for “occupying that poor woman’s time”, which I don’t even think is true because we spoke to her for like 10 minutes not even!!
My sister’s partner even intervened in the call to say that I was a nightmare, jokingly. I’m very confused because where I’m from you don’t treat customers like that and as long as you are wearing the company’s uniform then you are representing the company.
My fiancé agrees with me and says that when he used to work at a fast food chain in his teens and he had the uniform on, people would sometimes ask him questions and he wouldn’t mind. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s rude to bother others on the train, and it’s even more rude to ask someone for free labor.
You weren’t a customer, you were both commuters on a train. She probably wanted to unwind from her day, but you wanted to be entitled to her time, making her day longer AND without pay. She was generous by even giving you ten minutes. FYI, even in the US, it wouldn’t be considered polite to harass someone on their commute for information.
Representing the company just means that they shouldn’t act inappropriately in uniform, it doesn’t mean they have to work without pay just because it’s on.” KatMeowxx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Once you realized she wasn’t that interested in answering questions, you should have left her alone.
And no, just because she has the company shirt on doesn’t mean she represents the company. You do realize that people have to get to and from work right? They typically do not get paid for that time and often wear their work uniform because they get dressed for work and then get on transportation.
And you also weren’t a customer – she wasn’t on the clock, you hadn’t paid for anything, and you weren’t even at the place of business. Your absolute entitlement and inability to even see how you taking up 10 minutes of someone’s time might be annoying is why your sister’s partner called you a nightmare, and it wasn’t a joke.” fruitfly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – she was OFF THE CLOCK. She wasn’t working at her job. She was on her way home from work and you decided that you could annoy her just because she was wearing her uniform home. She owed you nothing and no, she wasn’t representing the company at that point.
My dad used to work retail. She and her other co-workers always had to put a jacket on to hide their uniform shirts so that they could even make it to their cars without getting accosted by people like you. Have some respect!” Sea_Rhubarb5285
10. AITJ For Leaving My Sick Husband To Care For Our Kids While I Had A Girls' Day Out?
“My husband (42m) and I (36f) have been married for 6 years with three kids (6m, 3f & 1f) and we both work. I work from home so I do most of the chores until he comes home at six and helps with the kids while I cook dinner for us.
When I cook he’ll clean the dishes and put the kids to bed while I video call with my parents for an hour. This has worked for us until recently. My husband fell ill and was out of work for the past week so everything fell on me and I was left taking care of the kids while he slept all day doing absolutely nothing to help me.
Well I planned a girls day with my sister (40f) and my cousin (30f) where I could just relax and catch up with them. He asked me if I could reschedule because in his condition he really couldn’t watch the kids. I told him absolutely not and that it was time he start watching them since I’ve been doing it all by myself for the past week.
He tried to argue that he was sick and wasn’t at his best right now and didn’t want the kids to get sick. I told him to suck it up and then left to meet my sister and cousin outside.
When I got back he wouldn’t talk to me.
I could tell by his face that he was still sick but the kids had been fed and the house was clean so he must not be that sick. I tried talking to him but he just told me that he needs some space and decided to sleep in the guest room.
I’m really confused by why he’s mad when he knew about this day. I just don’t think it fair that I have to cancel my plans that I made in advance when he just has a cold. I’ve had the sniffles before and I still watched the kids while he picked up the slack that I couldn’t.
I really think he’s overreacting but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So your husband who is usually helpful around the house was so sick that he had to take time off of work and sleep for an entire week. He asked you to reschedule your trip because he didn’t want to get your children sick, a 1yo included. He never outright refused, but said that he didn’t want to take the risk of trying to care for 3 kids solo while ill himself while you go chill with the fam for an entire day.
Then you come home and he’s still very obviously sick with more than “just the sniffles.” Yeah, YTJ” D_dizzy192
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your husband has been sick for a week and you prioritize a girl’s day with family over making sure that he and the kids were taken care of?
I don’t blame him one bit for being mad. You are very selfish…marriage is about being there in sickness and in health. I’m sure he’ll remember that next time you’re sick and feel like you need help with the kids. Obviously, this wasn’t just a cold.” Wonderful_Flamingo90
But if your husband had a medical diagnosis of something serious and was signed off work then YTJ.
9. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Unsupportive Parents Despite My Health And Family Challenges?
“I (33 years old F) have to drive 6 hours to visit my parents (73M and 72F).
I live in France so some things might be different from the US. I’m a mom of 4, and all of them are on the spectrum, as my husband and I are.
We didn’t know until our 3rd child was diagnosed at age 3 when his little sister was a baby. My eldest (8 years old) also has ADHD. It’s not very visible from the outside. I also have epilepsy and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (basically chronic pain). It makes the 6-hour ride quite difficult.
We could take the train, it would take 2 hours, but with 4 children on the spectrum, the noise, the lights, their need to move, it would be a nightmare. Also, my sons need to go to their medical activities (I don’t know how to translate that) several times a week.
It’s hard for him to adjust to another house.
My parents deny the fact that I’m sick. I’m young so I’m okay. When we do visit my parents, the first thing my mom did was always to comment on my weight. I was morbidly obese but I lost 100 pounds.
They also make sure that I know they are very disappointed with me because I didn’t have the career they expected and I am not thin.
I am a lawyer but now going back to school to become an engineer because my old job is not compatible with my health and family situation.
It’s quite hard to balance everything and I’m very tired. They think I am making a mistake and they don’t support me at all.
My parents are both retired and they can easily take the train or drive to visit us. I offered to pay for their tickets if necessary (but it’s quite cheap for older people here).
We have a house and a guest bedroom. They say they won’t because they don’t like Paris and big cities.
We do live near Paris but a small town in the suburbs that was created to mimic American suburbs. You just have to drive 15 minutes and you are literally in the middle of the forest. Every commodity is a 10 minutes max walk including the bus to go to the railway station.
AITJ for not going to visit them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m also curious why you even still keep in contact with them. They sound truly horrible, I’m sorry (well not really) to say. To deny that you have some major health concerns and then make your visit a nightmare by saying hurtful things.
Your career sounds amazing, you sound like an amazing person. I’d strongly encourage you to consider just cutting them out. It sounds like they add zero value to your life and only serve to bring you down and make things harder.” litt3lli0n
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had to stop driving, and I live 2 hours from my parents. Know what we do? We make it work. They often came here when my kids were little if I could not go there. They wanted to see the grandkids, so they came to the grandkids.
The road runs both ways.” Algebralovr
8. AITJ For Demanding My Family Pull Their Weight While Living In My House?
“I (29f) have gotten myself into a mess and maybe you guys can tell me if I’m in the wrong.
My husband (30m) and I invited my family to stay with us until they could find a new home. Their house burnt down and they became homeless. This was my mom (51f), my dad (54m) and my grandmother (72f). At first, it wasn’t a problem.
We have the room and everyone besides my grandmother can care for themselves. It did make things a little crowded with 5 adults, 2 kids(1m, 5m), and our dog, but we managed since it wasn’t supposed to be for long.
Things spiraled quickly though and I ended up having to care for everyone.
From the moment I wake up each morning, it’s nothing but “OP can you do this” “OP can you do that” and “OP, you should do this or that”. I don’t even have the chance to sit down and eat until everyone is in bed and forget time with just my husband and kids.
It got worse a few days ago when we found out our dog was very sick and needed round-the-clock care for a while.
The final straw was when my mom started complaining that the house wasn’t clean enough. I sat everyone down and told them I needed a break and I was now expecting everyone to pull their weight around the house.
I wasn’t asking anyone to do any chores, just pick up after themselves and if they needed something while I was busy, get it themselves. This started a screaming match with my mom with her calling me a lazy jerk because they were guests. I screamed back that yes, this was MY house but I’m not THEIR servant.
My parents are now not speaking to me and my family is saying I was way out of line for losing it the way I did because that’s my parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Kick them out. Parents or not, people who scream at you, take advantage of your hospitality and give you the silent treatment do not belong in your home.
Give them a warning, but be firm, and stick by it. And stop catering to them in the meantime. They should have chores and you should not be cooking/cleaning/babysitting these grown adults, entitled, adults. BTW, they aren’t guests, they’re using your hospitality because they’re homeless.
Those are **very** different things.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s entirely reasonable to react with yelling to being yelled at and insulted for no reason. In most cultures, the title of “guest” 1. does not apply to members of close family 2. does not apply for periods of longer than 1-2 weeks 3.
does not grant the same level of attention/care if the host family has young children or elderly relatives who require care with them 4. does not supersede the thankfulness that a person should feel for being helped out of a difficult situation So that’s at least 4 ways your supposed ‘guests’ should not be considered guests lol.
But even if they were guests, expecting you to serve them hand and foot all day, and reacting with shouting and insults when you tell them that you can’t right now would be wildly unreasonable. I’m not going to say something like “kick them to the curb,” because they do matter to you presumably.
But I would suggest informing your family that if your parents choose to act like a tantrum-throwing toddler you do not feel the need to treat them like your respected elders while they are under your roof, and that is said family members object to you standing up for yourself they are quite welcome to take your parents in instead.
As for the silent treatment…sounds good to me. Stop doing anything for them beyond the basics (like cooking meals or what have you), and let them stew in their silence. If you want to be petty, post a chore schedule for them to clean their rooms and/or leave a broom out conspicuously for them, and ignore any further attempts to get you to do anything with a frosty “I will speak to you when you respect myself, my family, and my home.” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are they helping financially with household expenses? They are NOT guests. Guests don’t stay for more than a week. It sounds like they are people who didn’t have good insurance which would pay for alternative living arrangements while they rebuild. Or do they?
Time for a family meeting. It’s WAY past time to make a chore chart. Everyone needs to be on it. If your parents don’t like it, let them find someplace else to live. Let grandma stay if she’s not a problem. Hugs and Good Luck” QuinGood
7. AITJ For Asking My Roommate's Partner To Contribute To Household Expenses?
“For the past couple of years, I have been subletting my spare room to a friend. We evenly split all relevant expenses including rent, bathroom supplies, paper towels, dish soap, internet, and electricity.
Things went smoothly until he started seeing someone new. Let me be clear, I’m genuinely happy for him and I see the joy she brings him.
The last thing I want is to come between them. However, she’s been staying at my place excessively. If I had to guess I’d estimate she’s spent about 5 nights at her place in the past 2 months – that’s approximately 92% of the time at my place.
I reached my limit, and did what I’d wanted to do for the past four months – I set a boundary. I explained that I don’t want her to feel unwelcome, but unless she contributes to household expenses, excluding rent (1/3 of items and cleaning responsibilities), as well as helping with internet and electricity, she can’t spend that much time here.
I suggested that if she’s willing to do this, it’s a compromise I’m open to. Otherwise, I’d like her time here reduced to 50% of the time, or a total of two weeks out of the month, which I believe is fair.
My roommate didn’t express any anger, but he’s been a bit distant lately.
My partner thinks I shouldn’t have asked her to contribute to household expenses. He empathizes with her because she’s unhappy with her current living situation. Her landlord doesn’t allow guests, and she only has a room. In my opinion, if she’s unhappy, she should find a new place to live.
Staying at my house for free isn’t a solution to her bad living situation. If she wants to spend ALL of her time here, I’d be open to letting her move in and help us with rent. Alternatively, if she’s okay with contributing to expenses, that would also work until she finds a place that she is happy with.
However, her staying at my house completely free of charge ends now.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not unreasonable. She is taking up resources at the place. And I get the feeling that your roommate did not ask before having her stay over.
But he probably should have, considering that it does affect you. Not to sound mean, but her feelings about her current living situation don’t matter here. The choices that she and your roommate are making are having a significant impact on your life and they need to realize this.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But, you should have talked to your roommate about this instead of just talking to her about it. She probably feels ambushed, and your roommate probably feels like you didn’t communicate with him. That said, what you’re suggesting is reasonable. But, a reasonable suggestion presented poorly can come across poorly.
If I were in your shoes, I would apologize to your roommate for not talking to him sooner & try to start things fresh.” chubster
6. AITJ For Wanting To Get A DNA Test Despite Potential Family Fallout?
“A few days ago I (17f) got into a fight with my (44f) mother who, while yelling at me, said some stuff that sounds like I’m not related to my father (44m), I think it’s likely I am his bio child but my brothers not so much.
Some evidence of this is;
My brothers and I do not look related. To the point where people think I let my youngest brother (P) call me sister when his actual sister is [family friend]. Same with my middle brother (F). It’s getting worse as we get older and some adults in our lives have made jokes about us not being related, or adopted.
Whenever I’ve brought up getting a DNA test in the past “just for fun” with my family, my mother always shuts it down with “If anyone in our family commits a crime they’ll have the DNA” or “You’re not getting a DNA test I don’t care how old you all get.”
Getting this DNA test would destroy my family if the outcome is one or more of us not being related. I can’t do that to my brothers but at the same time, I have to know. My father would be on board for a “just for fun” DNA test so I could do it.
I’m honestly considering getting one but WIBTJ if I got a DNA test after this fight even though it might destroy my family?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I look very different from my sister but I know we have enough of both of our parents so it’s not always cut and dry.
What you have is a Pandora’s box. If you find out you’re related or not does that change anything? Family is what you feel in your heart not genetics. My brother-in-law did a background check and found out one of his ancestors was a despicable criminal. Sometimes it’s better not knowing.
I also think you have a right to open the box. I think you should hold off a year see how you feel then and ask since you’ll be a legal adult.” Could_be_persuaded
Another User Comments:
“NTJ–your mother really shouldn’t be blocking you from medical information.
That said, if I were you I’d ask myself what I hope to gain from getting the test. Right now you “just want to know.” Based on your mother’s attitude and your siblings’ appearance, I’d bet that you are correct. So you are betting that the test says you’re not related to your father and at the same time admitting that this knowledge would “destroy your family.” Do you want to “destroy your family?” Why?
Oh, and to be definitive at all, you’d have to get DNA samples from both of your parents as well as yours.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to get the test, Just because you get the test does not tear the family apart, what you do with the knowledge from the results however could.
Reasons like if someone commits a crime they will have our DNA, like what is she expecting your brothers to commit homicide or something? Your mom is avoiding it for a reason and your dad seems cool with it that alone is a red flag for the two of them.” Ok_Memory_6234
5. AITJ For Wanting To Attend A Party While My Sick Partner Stays Home?
“My partner (F34) and I (F31) were invited to my colleague’s birthday party. We were both looking forward to this party and have RSVP’d as attending.
My partner and I are in a long-distance relationship (about a 4-hour drive) so she would be coming down to stay with me for the weekend to attend this party.
She has PCOS, which means she has irregular, yet very painful periods.
I sympathize with her – periods are a pain! With this in mind, she has started having signs that her period is about to start. When she has these periods, she’s bedbound for a few days in pain.
She has expressed that she may not feel up to the party, but still wants to come and visit so we can spend some time together.
We are in the final stages of purchasing a house and will be living together imminently, so our visits have been few and far between recently to save gas money to put towards stuff for our new home.
I will be moving to her city and will be taking a new job, so this will be one of the last times I will see these colleagues/friends in a social context.
I expressed to her that she was more than welcome to come and stay, my apartment is like her second home, but I would still want to go to the party for a few hours to spend time with everyone and to celebrate my colleague’s birthday.
I probably wouldn’t drink as much, or stay as late obviously because I would want to come back to her.
She got angry at me for ‘abandoning’ her when she was sick, and that she had driven all this way to see me. So now I don’t know what to do.
AITJ for still wanting to go to this party even though my partner is unwell?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not to be nasty to your partner, but if her period is that bad that she is bed-bound, wouldn’t a 4-hour drive be absolute torture? What does she do when you’re not there?
When she is at her place and you at yours? You have already stated that this will be one of the last times that you will see your colleagues/friends, so this would be one night where you won’t be with her for a few hours.
Soon you will be living together.” Positive-Pin3943
Another User Comments:
“Honestly NTJ It’s one of your last chances to be with everyone. I would never ask my partner to stay home just because I’m sick (unless of course, I needed some sort of support). I have gone out when he’s sick and the other way around as well.
The only thing here is the long-distance part as she drove all the way to be with you. But again, it’s just a couple of hours for something that was already planned, so I think you should go. You should however talk to her. I’d also have a conversation (not necessarily today but before you move in together) about the expectations about this sort of thing.
I like to hang out with my friends and so does my partner. We like to be together alone and we like to be together with our friends and family but we also like to have time for ourselves. You should clarify the dynamics both of you expect from each other.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not abandoning her, you’re attending a party for a few hours, which she was aware of before making the plans to come down. In addition to that, this happens every month. Once you are living together, does she expect you to stay home with her for a few days every month?
That’s not sustainable. What about work? This needs to be a conversation to clarify *before* you move in together. You’re indicating that, at the party, you wouldn’t drink as much or stay as late. Please try to have that worked out before you go. Knowing you’ll be home by 11 (for example) is a lot more helpful than knowing you’ll be home “at some point”, especially for someone who did come to see you and doesn’t feel well.
(“Ugh, only another hour of these painful cramps before OP will be home” kind of thing) Best of luck to you both!” Logical_Block1507
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Interact With My Siblings' Kids Or Buy Them Gifts?
“To clarify, by caring I am not referring to their health and well-being. What I mean is that I don’t feel inclined to call to speak to them, spend time with them, buy them stuff, etc. This might sound cold but although I’m their aunt, I did not ask for them to be born so I don’t feel obligated to contribute in any way.
I have 4 siblings and am the youngest of five. Everyone but me has a kid or two. Between the 4 of them, I have 6 nieces and nephews. Recently my brother, who never wanted kids, accidentally got a girl pregnant. His son is now 7 months old, and he has started to FaceTime me on weekends so that I can interact with his son and I hate it!
He has sent me pictures of his son, as most parents do, and has made comments like “When you see your nephew again he’ll be 7.”
As background, my siblings live 4 hours away from me. I moved to another city over a decade ago because, among other things, I wanted a change of environment.
I also have a demanding job as a litigation lawyer, which tends to occupy most of my time. Consequently, I prefer to spend my spare time doing things I enjoy, and, unfortunately, spending time with my family ranks quite low on that list.
I am also not super close to any of my siblings.
We get along fine but I’m sort of a private person and a loner. I do want kids someday and do not expect my siblings to go out of their way to be in my children’s life.
The holidays are coming up and I don’t have the desire to spend money buying gifts for any of my nieces or nephews.
However, I’m afraid my siblings may be disappointed in me for not getting their kid(s) gifts. I especially feel guilty because I’m child-free and have the highest salary. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop answering. I promise you your brother will call someone else.
Let him get used to your absence so he can calm down. I get parents being overjoyed and eager to share their offspring. Truly, I get it. But, if I want to talk to a kid, I’ll call myself. I have more than twice your number of siblings and I stopped gifting my siblings when they started having kids.
The gifts are for their kids now. It’s all I can afford considering how large this family is. NTJ. I feel you. You aren’t Scrooge. You’re just over it and you don’t have kids yourself. It can be a little overwhelming dealing with the expectations.
I feel you.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with a soft YTJ here. I get what you’re saying about not being that interested in the nieces and nephews, but your siblings can’t read your mind and by your account, they aren’t demanding that you allocate any of your time, money, or other resources to their kids.
It sounds like just they’re trying to include you in their lives and their kids’ lives, which is a pretty normal impulse among siblings and one of the ways that siblings can become closer (which you may not want, of course, but I don’t see how they would know that or why they would assume).” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Choosing To Attend My Younger Sister's Wedding Despite Family Boycott?
“I have several sisters and this situation involves 2 of them.
Our oldest sister (April) was seeing Jack for 2 years while they were in college. She was a year ahead of him and when she graduated, she got a job offer in another state. She didn’t want a long-distance relationship so she broke up with him before moving.
The entire time they were together, we only met him twice so when they broke up, our family completely forgot about him.
5 years later, our youngest sister (Megan) was at an industry convention for her job and ran into Jack as he was one of the speakers.
One thing led to another and they started long distance seeing each other. Before it got serious, Megan asked April if she cared and was given “permission” to continue. April was engaged at the time and didn’t seem to care about their relationship. This year Jack moved back to our state to be closer to Megan and they eventually got engaged.
April started to make demands like being the maid of honor, vetoing the venue they picked, and not wanting to invite some mutual friends. I’m a dude and Megan’s wedding will be the first one I’ll be going to so I’m not sure April’s demands are out of line but both sisters ended up in a screaming match.
I wasn’t there but I heard it got vicious.
To make a long story short, our family decided to boycott Megan’s wedding next year. She reasons that Megan is breaking some rules by marrying her ex. Of course, I think that’s a stupid reason. Megan and I have always been closer than the rest of the siblings so I decided I was going to attend the wedding.
Now April is on my case and saying that because I’m a guy, I don’t understand what a betrayal it is for Megan to marry her ex. Our family is saying I’m betraying April by supporting Megan’s betrayal. Now it’s this whole mess and I’m getting nonstop texts about what a jerk I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re the only one acting maturely in this situation. If April told Megan it was fine to date Jack, then that is all there should’ve been to it. April went back on her word, which makes April the jerk because it’s been no secret for this whole time that Megan and Jack were involved with each other.
The rest of your family are jerks for supporting the jerk instead of pointing out that April is the one *being* the jerk. No, man, you’re good. Go be an awesome brother and support your sister.” Adm_Hawthorne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Please ask her to explain the logic of demanding to be MOH if the entire relationship ‘shouldn’t be’, let alone the wedding.
My next question would be for the parents: is one sister’s ego being unwarrantedly bruised worth more than the happiness of the other sister to the extent that she should give up a good relationship with someone she loves over it? Also- she didn’t want him enough to try a long-distance relationship.
She dissed him, not the other way around. How is it a betrayal?” Ebechops
2. AITJ For Assuming My Friend Named Her Baby After Me?
“I had a friend in my early 20s, Melinda. She was always a little odd, but we remained friends for a while.
We were bridesmaids at each other’s weddings. We grew apart over the next decades as our lives took different turns. We did stay in contact via the odd text and social media posts. She attended my baby shower back in 2021.
Recently, Melinda had a baby girl, announcing her name was Amelia but they refer to her as Mia.
I found this odd as my name is Mia. I felt as if she were naming her child after me and we didn’t feel close enough for that, she didn’t even ask. I said something to a mutual friend of ours who told me they also found it odd.
I didn’t say anything at first. Then I saw Melinda with her husband and the baby at another friend’s party. She was showing me the baby and I half-joked “Yeah, my namesake”. She gave me an odd look and I said “Her name is Mia…I’m Mia.” Melinda said her name was Amelia and Mia was a nickname, while my full name is just Mia.
I said I understood, but she still had to have named her after me, saying it was odd but cute.
Melinda got a weird look on her face and said “No, we named her after (her husband)‘s mother”. I nodded and she was annoyed. She asked why I assumed I named the baby after her.
I said it was just a weird coincidence and seemed like something she would do. Melinda said, “You’re not important enough for me to name a baby after”. I told her that was rude and she said “So I’m trying to imply she’s odd because her baby and I have the same name”.
Our mutual friends feel I shouldn’t have brought it up at all. Some feel that despite that, she took it too far by saying I’m not important enough. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re not the only Mia. Mia isn’t even that unusual of a name; it’s like the 8th most common name for a baby girl right now.
Spoiler: if a friend picked a name because of you, *they’d tell you*. That she didn’t, and that you’ve grown apart should be a big indication that it had nothing to do with you. You don’t own the name, so she doesn’t need to be “close enough” to you to decide to use it as a nickname, regardless of the reason.
The world does not revolve around you. Why are you upset that she thinks you’re not important enough in her life to name a baby after you when *you* also think that? You noted that you’re not close enough to each other for that, so you should be glad that she confirmed she feels the same way.” Samael13
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom With My Niece Because She Cries When I'm Around?
“My sister (28F) had a baby last year in October and she is a subpar mom, to say the least. She does absolutely nothing for the baby and she is extremely incompetent and she chose an even more incompetent man to have a kid with.
My mom, dad, and I (20F) have been taking care of the baby. I babysat from January to July for 70us a month. I can do many AITJ stories with this family.
Fast forward to now, my mom’s doing renovations on the house and the baby started daycare in September.
Last night she told me that she has a lot of stuff to buy the day after (paint, fans, wardrobe, etc). I knew she was hinting at me having to watch the baby (my mom gets the baby ready for school in the morning and collects her after school).
But she never actually got to ask me but I figured it out. This morning she woke me up asking if I was still going to watch the baby and I said yes. The baby doesn’t like me anymore because she has gotten used to my mom and has serious attachment issues with my mom.
So every time I come near the baby when my mom’s around she would scream and cry and throw a tantrum because she doesn’t want me to take her away from my mom. So every single morning the baby follows my mom and cries occasionally so my mom can pick her up.
I can usually hear them and the baby crying every day but I don’t help because I’d make the situation worse.
Now it’s suddenly a problem this morning. My mom’s taking the baby to school because I’m not “helping her” when I don’t every morning and she said that I’m the worst out of my siblings and I am a selfish and bad person.
I am extremely confused because I woke up at 6 am and told her that I would watch the baby. And I do this every morning (not helping with the baby). AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Sounds like the way you feel about your sister has spilled over towards your feelings to this child.
You sound like you avoid the child at all costs. You leave it all to your mother to do on her own, which is why the child is so attached to her. You live in her house, she asked you for your help, and because the baby MIGHT cry, you refuse.
I don’t agree with your mother’s response, however, but I can understand the frustration.” Glittering-Captain-6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Unfortunately, your mother is trapped taking care of her granddaughter because your sister is trash, and even though you are an adult living in her house she can’t count on you either.
Of course, she’s super frustrated. I pity your mom.” BeeJackson
