People Get Upset When Retelling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Wanting My Unemployed Partner To Work Despite Not Needing The Money?
“My partner and I (both 26) have recently moved in together.
Before doing so we both had full-time jobs working around 40 hours a week.
Since we moved together he lost his job and doesn’t want to look for a new one.
The thing is I have a very well-paying job and earn a lot while he has a low-paying job.
We share everything financially so the money I earn is also the money he can use without restrictions.
He says he doesn’t see a point in working 30-40 hours a week just to earn around 5% of what I earn so he says he wants to take care of the household instead.
I can understand his point of view but I insisted he should still go and work. We don’t have any children and we have someone employed who helps us with most of the household so there’s no real reason for him to just stay home all day.
I don’t have a problem with the fact that our lifestyle is mainly funded by me but I feel exploited when I’m the one working 40-60 hours a week at a stressful job while he has all the free time he wants to enjoy and spend the money that I work for.
It’s not about the financial aspect we wouldn’t need him to work but I don’t see a reason why a perfectly healthy 26-year-old should just sit around at home all day and let me do all the labor.
He says I just want to needlessly let him suffer.
He sees no reason to work his backside off for a wage that we spend on a weekend. I always knew that he earns much less and I should have known that I would have to carry the financial burden of our lifestyle.
AITJ for wanting him to take on a job although we don’t need it at all?
Just because I don’t like to feel as if I’m getting exploited?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you joined households and suddenly he’s got no job and doesn’t see the need to work anymore and thinks living off of your hard work is how his life’s going to go?
That’s so problematic! I’d feel exploited if I were you, too. I’m sure this wasn’t what you agreed upon when you moved in together. Make him do volunteer work five days a week if the money doesn’t matter. But don’t finance his life, you’re not his mum!” backyard chick
Another User Comments:
“Stay-at-home parent and Stay-at-home spouse have to always be a mutual decision otherwise it is just wrong. You should feel exploited because you are. You did not sign up for this at any point. Also even if he contributes just by getting you a nice present once in a while or taking you for a dinner/date/vacation sometimes.
I think it is worth some work hours since you support him otherwise. Also, you sound like a chill person with a good salary, you can do better than this self-pitying lazy guy.” MousingJoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is acting like an immature child, and he’s also attempting to be very controlling in his decision.
Note I said “his” decision. Because in every healthy household, finances are always a group decision. And the idea that he thinks you want HIM to suffer is just blatant gaslighting. He’s ok with making you suffer so that he can get what he wants so why not be equal about it?
Working sucks, but the average person still has to do it to survive. Also, are y’all married? Because that’s some nonsense to be required of your non-married partner. From what I’ve read, that man needs therapy, and also to learn how to not take you for granted.” Sharp-Pea2863
26. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Pay For The Hair And Nail Services I Provided?
“I (20 F) am an amateur hairdresser and nail technician.
My cousin (35 F) had a family funeral and had asked me to do her hair and her nails, I agreed and informed her of the payment. She agreed to pay after the funeral and I did her hair and her nails both on different days.
Things to note; I recently resigned from my job so I didn’t have any other means of income coming in.
A few weeks went by after the funeral and I heard nothing from her. So I texted her and asked when I could expect the payment.
She stated that I’d get the money she “promised” me the following week. That week came and went so I decided to text her today. The message I texted her goes as follows:
“Good morning.
I’m gonna need the money by the end of the week.
I have business to handle and I cannot do it unless I have money.
My sister has been waiting on me to do this for a few weeks now and the deadline is coming up soon and I need to sort it out before then.”
I’d have to paraphrase her response since it has a lot of expletives. But a summary of the message is:
“You will get it this weekend, if I had it don’t you think I would’ve given it to you? What if you had never done my hair where would you have gotten money from?
Did I tell you to leave your job? Leave me alone thanks.”
Those messages made me cry and got me so upset. I told my mom instantly and she called her mother asking why she would say that to me when I have been patient and waiting on the payment for weeks now.
She had no answer.
I just want to know if it was wrong of me to ask for the payment. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for your mom for standing up for you. You told her what it cost beforehand and she agreed. Now she owes you and has no right to get mad at you for asking.
Let this be a lesson though. Never do anything for her again. And for other “friends” and “family” maybe get payment before you do the service.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have learned a lesson. Blood is thicker than water is total nonsense. Everything in writing or text is that way when they try the ole “I thought it was free” you can pull it up if you know the person will most likely say go away and never pay you even if you have proof they said they would A.
Shame them on social media about how she needed your help and would not pay with receipts. Last thing, if they try to gaslight you and say “Come on we don’t need a receipt that’s stupid just do the thing for me” definitely get a receipt.
B. Don’t ever do a job for them unless there is an upfront payment.” FewTomato1285
25. AITJ For Not Supporting My Husband's Career Change That Requires Us To Move Away From Our Support System?
“My husband and I have been married for a few years now, we have a toddler and are planning on having another baby soon. I work in a pretty flexible job and have my family here to help me whenever I need someone to watch our child.
My husband, on the other hand, has been working in law enforcement for a while now and wants to move on to a new position that would require him to leave our state for 6 months for training before being transferred to town hours from where we currently live.
Now he’s changed his mind about where he wants to go in his career, it changes every so often it’s hard to keep up with his ‘new life plan.’ But he seems pretty set on taking this path now. But I feel like he does not consider how difficult it will be for me and our child to be away from family and friends, even if it is only a 4-8 hour drive, not to mention leaving my job which has opened so many new connections for me.
If we moved out of our town I would be on my own as my husband does not help with our child very often, or help around the house, or anything like that because he is too busy playing video games and hanging out with friends.
I do everything here (Cook, Clean, Childcare, Car Maintenance, Yard Work, House Renovations). I already feel like I am doing it all alone and he does not understand that I need the support from my family here or I will drown in the weight of the stress.
It seems all he cares about is the fact that he will make twice what he makes now (which is great, but at what cost?) and it’s a more ‘interesting job.’
So am I the jerk for not being supportive of him taking that step to get his dream job?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m saying this from the standpoint of a SAHM who is packing up her family to move to a different state for her husband’s new job. I get it. I do. We are leaving our entire support system (2 kids). I stand behind my husband’s decision and he’s been living in the new state in a hotel room for a month now while the kiddos and I sell the house.
So I’m literally in the situation you’re trying to decide on. NTJ. I support my husband in this situation. With that said…I know when we move my husband will be there helping the kiddos to adjust. I know my husband will be there taking care of the kiddos, helping around the house, and being involved. Today he checked out a local library for us.
If he wasn’t involved and he wasn’t helpful I wouldn’t have agreed to move. You don’t get to take me away from my support system and then spend your evenings playing video games. Nope. So yeah. I stand behind you in this one.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’re standing in water up to your chin, holding up the whole household, and he wants to yank you off the supports that let you keep your head above water. Not caring if you struggle or drown, nor having any intent to help you stay afloat, as long as he gets to go the direction he wants.
Your life is already dominated by his selfish behavior, why on earth would you think you have to give him more? What does this man bring to the table? Why are you working so hard and making such sacrifices for him? He’s not a partner, that’s for sure.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What benefits would the move provide for you and your toddler? From your post, it sounds like the only benefit would be for your husband, and the experience will bring only negatives to you. Normally I’d say being married makes you a team, but the husband isn’t on the team family; he’s only team himself.
I feel like you’ll end up so sad and isolated, just so he can continue to be an absent father and partner. What does he contribute to your partnership? What would your life look like one year, five years, or even ten years from now if you went through with the move?
Do you see yourself being happy, if, for the rest of your lives, your husband continues to act the way that he does now? You’re already doing so much on your own, so logically, wouldn’t you have a much lighter workload without your husband to look after?” User
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Dying Father Who Abandoned Me?
“I (30f) don’t have the best relationship with my father. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. (This is important later). When I was younger I would see my father every other weekend at his mom’s house. I would see my older sister we will call A who lived with my dad.
My other older sister B lived with my mom and I. Sister A is the oldest. We never really did anything unless you count going to a bar or sitting at my father’s mom’s house. I never really liked interacting with his family.
They always put me down either because I looked like my mom or my weight. (I was a bit chubby as a child). My sister A was very jealous of sister B and I. So after 5th grade, I didn’t see my father unless it was Christmas or Easter.
No big deal to me since I didn’t like his family all that much or my sister A. When I turned 13, I no longer heard from my dad. No phone calls or cards in the mail. I had a few major surgeries and didn’t hear from him.
He didn’t show up to my graduation from high school or college. Never came to any games when I was in sports. That didn’t bother me. I found out from my mom, I had a younger brother from my dad. My dad chose not to talk to him either.
So after my father decided to stop visiting in my life, I reached out to my brother. When I was 15 years old. We get along really well. He is only 3 years younger than me.
Fast forward a few years. I met my fiancé from college and my father still hasn’t reached out to me.
I talk to my fiancé’s father and his stepdad more than I have had from my father. In the 11 years, my fiancé and I have been together. My fiancé’s father and stepdad both reach out to me on my birthday or out of the blue to see how I am doing or if I need help on anything.
Well, I finally reached out to my father because surprise he hasn’t moved and has the same number. I was getting married. I find out he is dying. Sister A is living with him for free childcare. That was 2 years ago. I don’t care and neither does my younger brother.
My father still hasn’t called me or messaged me on social media. My sister B wants us to forget what our father did to us and go see him. He lives 5 hours away from me. I don’t feel like he deserves to see where I am at or is worth the drive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is completely your decision and ignore any noise thrown your way. They did not live your life. You’ve created a quality life and learned that you don’t have to be related to others to feel like they are family (or call them family).
Gravitate to what supports you.” DesertSong-LaLa
23. AITJ For Cancelling My Birthday Party Because My Sister Ate My Cake?
“My sister(11f) is the miracle golden child.
She always gets what she wants whenever she wants. My parents are always trying to please her and make her happy. They always make a big effort on her birthday and do whatever that she asks for but they can barely remember mine and they are always conveniently ‘broke’.
This year I wanted to enjoy my birthday so I babysat and even mowed lawns to make this possible.
My birthday was a few days ago and the party was scheduled for the day after. I have been planning for weeks and invited all my friends.
I bought the food, snacks, and drinks and picked up my custom-made cake which I was excited about, it was just perfect. The night before the party, I noticed that my cake which was in the fridge had a huge slice missing. When I asked my dad, he shrugged and nonchalantly said that my sister was crying for it and it was just a small piece, my friends wouldn’t notice.
I yelled at him asking him why he would do something like that when it wasn’t even bought with his money and that my sister could have waited for tomorrow. This made him angry and he went on a tirade about how I think I’m an adult because of my stupid party implying the fact that I did everything myself and did not ask them for anything.
I ended up calling it off because I was not able to change the location last minute as I didn’t have the means to and I was so hurt, I didn’t want to host it at home anymore. One of my friends told me that calling it off was an overreaction and that I could have just grit my teeth and gone through with doing it at home rather than canceling just hours before.”
Another User Comments:
“Cancelling the entire thing may have been a bit disproportional to missing out on the opportunity to present a pristine cake, but you do you, I guess. Either way: NTJ. Your parents missed a valid opportunity to teach “No.” They aren’t doing you, your sister, or them any favors here.
Learning how to say and receive “No” is necessary in life. Instead, they’ve reinforced a belief your feelings and autonomy do not matter, and that your sister can get her selfish way by having a tantrum. 11 is more than old enough to be told “No, that isn’t mine or yours.
We don’t get to help ourselves to things that are not ours just because we want to.” potato_soup76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your father aren’t doing your sister any favors by letting her have whatever she wants by crying for it. Move out and cut all contact with your father.
BTW, I admire your restraint. If I were in your shoes at that age with that kind of provocation, I would have thrown the cake at the wall.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh honey, as a mother, I am heartbroken for you. The way your parents treat you as inferior isn’t right.
Your parents will drive you right out of their lives when you turn 18. They have created a dynamic that guarantees you will want nothing to do with your sister. Calling off the party was not an overreaction. It was a firm boundary. Your sister ate your birthday cake, which you paid for because your parents wouldn’t bother.
Therefore, there is no party. My advice is to organize a party at one of your friend’s houses, enlisting their parents to help. Do not tell or invite your parents or sister. Reschedule the party at that location, and have a grand time. If you just go without a party, then your birthday won’t be marked, and you won’t receive the love and attention from your friends that the emotional neglect from your parents has made you starved for.
Build your tribe, so that when you turn 18, you have a network of people who rely on each other, and are loyal. If I knew you in real life, I would bake a cake for you.” Shdfx1
22. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Set Boundaries With His Female Best Friend?
“My husband and I have been married for several years, and we’ve generally had a strong and loving relationship.
However, a situation has arisen recently that’s causing tension between us, involving his best friend, who happens to be a woman.
He and his best friend, whom I’ll call Maya, have been close since childhood. I always knew about their deep friendship and never had a problem with it.
Maya is a lovely person, and I’ve met her on numerous occasions. I’ve even become friends with her as well, so it was all well.
The issue started when Maya went through a tough breakup and began relying on my husband for emotional support. I encouraged him to be there for his friend, but the situation escalated. They began texting constantly, and he started spending a lot of time consoling her, even late into the night.
They also started having regular one-on-one dinners and outings very often, which I was never invited to.
I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable with the level of emotional intimacy between them. I mentioned my concerns to my husband, and he assured me there was nothing romantic between them, but he couldn’t just abandon his best friend when she was going through a hard time.
I understand the importance of friendships, but it got to the point where it felt like my husband was prioritizing Maya’s emotional needs over our relationship. It also started affecting our own quality time together.
One day, I couldn’t take it anymore and asked my husband to set some boundaries with Maya, explaining that I felt excluded and uncomfortable with their dynamic.
I didn’t want him to cut off their friendship, but I wanted him to balance it better.
My husband became defensive and felt like I was asking him to choose between us. He believes he’s being a supportive friend to Maya during her difficult time and can’t simply turn his back on her.
We had a huge argument about this, and it’s caused a significant strain in our marriage.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on what you’ve said, you expressed explicitly that while you didn’t want him to end his friendship, you were uncomfortable with the level of intimacy even if not romantic.
The fact he got defensive is a red flag in my opinion, you never asked him to choose.” nixwjack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d personally be upset. She should know that even if nothing is happening she’s crossing a line inviting him out late at night and such.
Maybe try to comfort her though just you and her? Take her out to dinner and shopping? Maybe she genuinely has no one else in her life to rely on. Otherwise, your husband should stop messaging her past dinner time and the dinners should be once every 2 weeks max.” glitchygirly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ At some point he had romantic feelings for her, 100% mermaid theory is a real thing. You should feel uncomfortable about their relationship… and he should choose where his focus should be. Be careful giving ultimatums though, you may not like the response.” Manefisto
21. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Mom For Favoring My Brother?
“Of course, you’re going to think I’m the jerk for this. But, my mom is what you say is a “Boy Mom.” She would favor my brother over me, and my 2 younger sisters. When we were younger, we hated our mom because she would always be there for my brother but would never be there for us.
For some odd reason that would be later discussed, my mom divorced her husband after figuring out she was having a boy. I was about 5 when my mom was pregnant with my brother, so I was relatively confused as to why they were divorcing. Whenever I asked my mom about this she would say, “I didn’t need him anymore.” She would never tell me why though.
When I was 12, I noticed my mom being a bit more touchy with him. She would often put my brother on her lap, whisper in his ear, and even call him her mini-husband. I was very upset about this because I was always neglected and started being jealous of my brother.
After all, he always had my mom’s focus.
I always thought this was normal. Until I started getting open and going to my friend’s house. I started getting confused when she said that all that stuff wasn’t normal. She had said my mom was disgusting.
That’s when I observed my mom’s behavior closely.
My mom would be attached to him in odd ways. I remember when I and my siblings were playing hide and seek, my mom panicked because we couldn’t find him in time and started crying about him.
Even though, we couldn’t find Isabella, (my younger sister) too.
When I turned 16, I asked my mom again why she divorced my dad. And finally, she told the truth. She had said, “Your brother was like my mini husband.” I got disgusted, ran to my room, and dialed 911.
So what do you think? AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“This has got to be above this platform’s pay grade. But no, you’re NTJ. I think she has an inappropriate relationship (of some sort) with your brother that he is likely unaware of. But people here aren’t going to be able to offer help beyond giving advice.
You need to speak with a mandated reporter who can provide more resources and potentially help an investigation if your mom is having these issues.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Yelling At A Neighbor To Leash Her Uncontrolled Dog During Our Jog?
“My wife and I jog through our small town regularly. We have dogs bark at us almost every time we are out.
We get that dogs do not like strangers running by their houses, but we are humans with rights, and one of them is to freely jog around town. This particular house we run by has a Great Dane that must be 150+ pounds. Picture a small horse.
This dog has come barking and running out into the road on numerous occasions, while the owner is out on their porch. The most we have gotten is a half-hearted sorry and her yelling at the dog. There is a sidewalk in front of the house but we are literally in the middle of the street when we go by, as we know it’s possible this dog could be out at any time with no leash and no control.
My wife has been terrified by this creature. I’ve kept quiet on numerous occasions as my wife doesn’t want conflict, (again small town) but today I lost it. As the dog came barreling towards us again, she was out on the porch and I shouted at the top of my lungs, “KEEP YOUR DARN DOG ON A LEASH!” We did not stop our run but heard her shout back at us “SCREW YOU!” My wife made a slight attempt at explaining she was scared by this dog but we were pretty well out of earshot by then.
After we got home I thought that I might be the jerk as I could have handled it differently or we could have tried a different route but this is not a big town and there are not a lot of other routes we could take, it’s less than a 5k to run from one end of town to the other and back.
Other info is that we do have a county leash law and my wife did get upset about it but not with me just the whole confrontation. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have recommended you first say something to the owner before taking it to the extremes you did, but it doesn’t mean what you did was unjustified. Dogs can be very dangerous, especially huge ones like Great Danes.
You had every right to not be ok with their dog acting potentially aggressively towards you and your wife. This is why I carry. I highly recommend carrying pepper spray or something with you when you go on a jog. Also a dog whistle. One of y’all blows the whistle like mad while the other sprays the dog if it comes at you again.
If the owner won’t learn, I promise, the dog will” The_White_Ferret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if that dog is the most lovable gentle giant, big dogs like that can unintentionally do serious damage. What if it knocked over someone frail? I know that an awkward fall for me means a trip to the ER to sort me out at a minimum, and folks like me aren’t rare (1 in 5 Americans has a disability; that rate is fairly consistent in developed nations, and developing nations generally have higher rates of disability).
And that’s without even addressing the many people like your wife who are understandably frightened when rushed by a strange dog!” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“In my area, if you call the police on an unleashed dog (WHILE it is actively happening) they’ll bring out an animal control police officer and ticket the person.
Do this next time. Don’t even communicate with them, they sound ignorant as heck. NTJ” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's A Terrible Mother Because She Blames Me For My Cerebral Palsy?
“I 16F was born with Cerebral Palsy which makes it almost impossible to walk on my own so I use a wheelchair. My mom is my primary caregiver.
From a very young age, my mom has blamed me for not being able to walk and has always said if I try harder and pray more god would be able to “fix me”. She’s always blamed for her problems and health issues (diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, etc)
She dislikes being a mother complains all the time and says she wishes she never had children. She always seems to be mad at something I do and constantly insults me. She doesn’t show me much affection and is always very cold towards me because of this we have little to no relationship.
She’s always downplaying my depression and anxiety makes fun of me for it and refuses to let me get help. She doesn’t understand my sensory issues and when I get too overwhelmed she just laughs.
When I call her out, she says I am being disrespectful and too sensitive and that I should be a better daughter and love her.
I’ve told her multiple times to stop treating me the way she does but to no avail.
Over the years I have always tried to fill her absence emotionally by connecting with teachers and they become mothers to me. She dislikes these attachments and is jealous of them.
Yesterday she got fed up with my attachments and started yelling at me for not loving her and being a bad daughter. I got upset and told her that if wasn’t such a terrible mother and made an effort to be there for me instead of making me constantly feel like a burden we’d probably have a better relationship.
AITJ?
I understand she’s my mother and I should respect her but she’s hurt me so much over the years and she’s never been a mother to me. I’ve always longed for her love and affection. At this point, I feel like I am done trying even though school counselors and different adults in my life tell me that I must love her because she’s the mother that I’ve been given.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Here’s what you’re gonna do: 1. Do well in school 2. Get a part-time job- think tutoring or similar 3. Graduate 4. Apply to all the possible scholarships 5. Go to college out of state 6. Graduate 7. Get a job that pays well 8. Never have to deal with her again- if you have a relationship with her it’ll be on YOUR terms, not hers” FureverGrimm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. Sounds like your mum is a narcissistic sociopath! I like how she claims if you pray enough god can fix you so she is religious, but treats her daughter like vermin. Sorry you’re going through this op but just know you are NTJ in this situation.
Sometimes you want someone to be the person they should be but unfortunately, they don’t change. Keep strong. You’ll get through this!” Any-Emergency-6330
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is abusive and cruel and you do not have to love her. I am so sorry she treats you that way.
I am glad you have others in your life who can fill that parental void, although I wish they wouldn’t tell you you have to love her or that she loves you. Many people cannot bring themselves to accept that there are parents in the world who do not love their children or vice versa, it’s too upsetting for them to contemplate.
They are lucky that they have not had to learn this the hard way. But it’s not helpful to you. You do not owe that woman ANYTHING. Not love, not respect. She had a kid, that kid has health problems and it is her responsibility to care for you.
You didn’t ask to be born. She is obligated to YOU, not the other way around. Do you have anywhere else you can go? Anyone who can help you? I’m very concerned that this will only get worse as you get older and you will be trapped with her mistreatment.” No_Rope_8115
18. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Noisy Upstairs Neighbors Again?
“So, I live on 1st fl and I have terrible upstairs neighbors. From the day they met me, they’ve held an attitude.
I get it, living in apartments you will get noise that you cannot control and can’t complain about, but I feel this is different.
They play music so loud to the point I can hear the lyrics and feel the bass. I don’t care about weekends, but this happens all the time during weekdays.
My partner went up there once very politely to ask them to stop, they followed up with backlash. Then the second time we both went up there to respectfully ask them to turn it down, especially because my kids were trying to sleep, and they kept cutting me off and said “I don’t care about your kids, they not mine” followed by more backlash, started laughing loud, and turned it back up louder.
They reported us to management the next day, where I followed up with video evidence of multiple nights of loud music on weekdays. We both got warnings (me for knocking on their door).
It was a good month and things were good until recently, when Monday night was THE WORST and they blasted music til 11:30 PM.
I reported to management, and they spoke with them today, and right now it is 10:30 and the music is insanely loud. I know they’re doing this on purpose lol.
Do I call the sheriff? We live in an unincorporated part of town so that is my option.
Or do I record again and wait to see if management will do anything else? I know the police will only scare them a little bit and there’s not much for them to do, but my complex has noise disturbance policies. It’s weekdays between 10-12:00.
How is this OK? This IS a noise disturbance, am I wrong??? I don’t want to waste police time, but not sure if another report to management is worth it.”
Another User Comments:
“WNBTJ for reporting it to management asking what they are going to do about the continuing violation of noise disturbance policies.
If nothing comes of it; the next step is to call the sheriff as needed. Some people need to learn lessons the hard way. They are already making you miserable, so what do you have to lose?” copy
Another User Comments:
“WNBTJ. Worth the report.
If they are disrupting you that bad they are disrupting everyone else in the complex. I would get people in the complex to get on board with you and file a petition to get them out or call and report it to the cops. Have a good one OP.” Honor-Valor-Intrepid
17. AITJ For Letting My Daughters Live In My Rental Apartment For College?
“My ex-wife (44F) and I (43M) were married for 14 years and have 2 daughters (21F&18F) together. We have been divorced for 8 years now and have been co-parenting our daughters ever since. Our relationship is cordial for the sake of our daughters, but nothing more.
Over the past years, we have had quite a few disagreements over the way I raise our daughters. According to my ex, I spoil our daughters too much and spend money on them because I know that she can’t afford to spend that kind of money on them.
This is not true. I have a great relationship with my daughters and they have always respected me and respected my authority so I want to give them the most comfortable living situation to grow up in. But according to my ex, I am doing this to show our daughters what she can’t provide for them.
Despite this disagreement, we have been able to keep the co-parenting ok.
Our youngest daughter recently turned 18 and is getting ready to join her older sister in college. My 2 daughters asked me if I could help them with an apartment where they could live together by themselves and become more independent.
Over the past few years, they have always been exemplary. They have both been doing great in school. They also have been a lot of help to my wife (34F) and me in helping take care of their half-brothers (3M and 1M). So to me, there was no reason not to grant them their request. I own a rental apartment and I came to the agreement that they can live in that apartment as long as they follow some rules I have set like keeping their grades up and no booze.
They are both now packing their stuff to make the move to their new place.
But when my daughters told my ex about this, she wasn’t happy. She is accusing me again of spending more money on our daughters to make them love me more because she wouldn’t be able to do this.
She’s also saying that I shouldn’t be spoiling our daughters like this because they are adults and need to stand on their own feet without my help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You mention your ex “cannot provide” these things, so it sounds like you are financially in a better situation than her, more secure at least?
It seems to me she may be jealous that you’re able to extend that to your daughters whilst she can no longer expect the same, but is using the excuse of “spoiling” to cover her motivations. I can’t think of a sound reason why a parent would object to helping their children secure living accommodations.
There are plenty of ways to build character and face adversity, but I’m sorry, chucking your money into the dead pit that is vastly overwhelming and overpriced rents doesn’t really “build character” to the same degree it just subjects your children to hardships.
I’m assuming you will at some point (or from the word go) eventually expect your daughters to “pay their way” to some degree so what’s the issue?” BoomTheBear86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your ex sounds envious of the relationship you have with your daughters.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving your kids a leg up in life. If they’re maintaining their grades, and are helpful & respectful, there is, literally, no issue with assisting them with their college living arrangements. You’re able to provide for them in a great way.
I would think your ex would be happy that the kids have an active & helpful father in their lives. Sigh. Your ex does what she can and you do the same. There’s nothing wrong with this. NTJ at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ specifically in regards to the apartment request. It’s not super unusual for college-age kids to rent a place to get a sense of living independently, and it’s not always uncommon for parents to assist with the rent.
You just so happen to own a unit that you can provide them with. I don’t necessarily see this as spoiling them. But I suspect there might be some missing information if your ex-wife is citing this as a continuing pattern with you. What other things has she taken issue with?” coastalkid92
16. AITJ For Supporting My Son's Decision To Not Invite His Stepdad To His Birthday Party?
“My son is turning 11 on Friday and we’re throwing him a party at a bowling alley with some of his friends and some family. I have joint custody and swap him with his mom every week.
My ex has been married to Maxwell for the last 4 years.
Lately, my son and I have not been getting along. Before they got along well. It’s equally their fault. My son has been pushing boundaries and Maxwell thinks he’s a child expert when he isn’t.
Before I picked my son up yesterday, he and Maxwell had gotten into a disagreement over my son not listening to Maxwell cleaning his room before he left. Both of them were wrong.
My son explicitly said he didn’t want Maxwell at his party because he stressed him out. I told him to sleep on it. I asked him tonight and he said he’s not changing his mind and he’s fine if he doesn’t get a present from him.
So I know he is serious.
I told my ex and she asked me to get my son to reconsider. If she tries, then my son will dig in. I said I can’t.
Then Maxwell called me and said he was hurt that my son had such harsh feelings that he didn’t want him at his party.
He said that made him cry. He asked me to speak to him and I said that the ship had sailed. You two exchanged some mean things to each other and you should have called to smooth things yesterday because my son is holding onto the anger.
My son isn’t going to reach out to you. So you just have to deal with not being invited and work things out afterward.
I told my ex that I’m not forcing our son to talk to Maxwell. He doesn’t want to and it’s best to let things cool down.
Maybe he’ll change his mind, maybe he won’t. I don’t think he will.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your son’s feelings are what is most important in this situation. Keep your eyes on him and communicate with your son as much as possible, I had a bad step-dad who treated me perfectly fine around other people, but it was very different behind closed doors.
My dad wasn’t in the picture, so I always felt there was nobody who cared to listen as my mum just shrugged off my complaints. I would say take your son’s side as much as possible in these situations. He needs someone to bat for him and somebody stable to trust outside of a household that he feels stressed out in.
It may have just been simply them butting heads and the stepdad is a perfectly nice guy, but yeah, I’d just be a bit observant and try and get your boy to open up to you as much as possible without pushing too hard. It will help you in the long run when he is a teen, too.” SmashingFirefly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s probably a good idea for your son and Maxwell to sort out their issues, but his birthday party isn’t the time to do that. 11 is old enough that he should have agency in certain things, including who can or can’t come to his parties—if he’s upset with Maxwell and doesn’t want him there, then that should be his choice.
You told him to sleep on it so he didn’t make a rash decision, and he stuck by his answer. And, if he’s having a rocky relationship with an adult, it’s good for him to have someone he can go to about it without worrying that you’ll ignore it or instantly side with the other person.
Kids need people they know they can rely on. Pressuring him into inviting Maxwell would be sending the message that your son can’t go to you about arguments with him, because you’ll just take Maxwell’s side anyways.” Thursday-tooth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your son is entitled to feel whatever he is feeling. Yes, he is a child, but it’s his birthday, and his wishes should be respected. Teaching your kid that it’s okay to set boundaries isn’t a bad thing. And if things between Maxwell and your son aren’t great right now, there’s plenty of time for them to both work on it in the future.
Your kid wants to celebrate his birthday with friends and family, he doesn’t need to worry about fixing or resolving things with Maxwell immediately. Time apart for both your son and Maxwell to cool off can only be a good thing.” Red1-on-Reddit
15. AITJ For Rescuing A Neglected Kitten From My Neighbor's Yard?
“We did not know this was a neighbor’s kitten until after we had taken it to the vet to get a health check.
The weather has been around 40-60 degrees outside.
These neighbors do NOT take care of any of their animals. They let their dogs roam unfixed/unneutered, infested with fleas and mange, and often take any puppies born from these dogs and drop them off in random locations, and constantly lose cats.
They do not take their animals to vets and recently let one of their older dogs pass in the front yard. They barely can keep the lights on let alone care for another animal. The neighbors are about 2 houses over so it had to walk a fair distance for its size before landing in my partner’s yard.
2 days ago my partner found a kitten (maybe 8-10 weeks old?) wandering in her yard it was infested with fleas, skinny to the point its spine, ribs, and pelvis were obvious, and very lethargic. She took the kitten inside to bathe it, combed out the fleas, and kept it warm and fed. She then brought the kitten to my place where we got it a vet appointment the next day.
The vet found that it was barely 2lbs, had hookworms, upper respiratory infection, and was dangerously anemic (The vet said normal is 40 and the kitten’s level was 8- suspected by the flea infestation and lack of food) where it needed a blood transfusion. After the $600 transfusion, the kitten is doing much better, less lethargic, and overall in better health.
The neighbors don’t have concrete proof we took him but are suspicious. We have a reasonable belief that if this kitten had been left in their care, he would have passed fairly quickly due to the flea infestation and lack of veterinarian care.
So, are we the jerk for taking this kitten?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But keep on reporting them to Animal Control, especially with unspayed/unneutered animals running around. Some animal control departments will not give animals back without doing so, or without also issuing a “fine” to return the animal unfixed. That cat’s yours now.” Signal zero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if they are letting a kitten that young roam around alone, then they need to not have pets. I doubt the kitten would have been around much longer with the state it was in. I’d make sure to keep it at your place for a long while so they don’t try to cause issues.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“I expected to say jerk here because the other posts like this one are normally jerks just stealing animals, but this? They haven’t even noticed it’s gone? Then they don’t need it. While you’re at it report them for all the other animals in their care that they or failing.
I’d get the kitten microchipped if you’re planning on keeping it and deny anything if they ask which is probably unlikely since they most likely think it ran off and died. There’s no way they aren’t noticing their dogs or cats’ health, I’m 100% convinced that they know and just don’t care.” Realistic-Monitor-39
14. AITJ For Defending Myself After My Partner Accused Me Of Ruining Her Birthday?
“Today was her birthday and I, along with our mutual friends arranged a party at midnight. We brought cake, snacks and a gift for her and the party was supposed to be at her closest friend’s house. However, after cutting the cake, she refused to taste it, didn’t accept the gift, and left stating that she needed some time alone.
When I probed her for the reasons for the same, she started blaming me for ruining her birthday. She said I ruined it because:
1. The cake was from a brand that she feels is inferior to another cake that I got for one of my friend’s birthday previously.
She feels I don’t wish to spend money on her.
2. She doesn’t care about the gift as she never wanted it. (I am paying the entire sum for it by the way, not split with friends)
3. The place where we celebrated our birthday was making her uncomfortable since she barely knew the girl.
(They are supposedly best mates and went on trips together and often cook together, plus my friend was discussing how to celebrate her birthday which happens to be tomorrow)
4. She is now obliged to celebrate the girl’s birthday tomorrow and would need to pay for it.
(Again, she was discussing the same even before her birthday, and secondly wants me to pay for it because I put her in this situation)
Post this I tried to defend my points and reasoned with her which happened to become a verbal spat. I have stopped talking to her for now.
She feels that I ruined her birthday and wants me to be guilty for the same which in my opinion is very rude and wrong. Just wanted to know AITJ here plus what should I do next?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t fight with her, she fought with you.
Ungrateful behavior for a 31-year-old (I honestly had to go back and look at the ages, 21 would be more likely than 31! Not that it’s any more sensible).” thebohomama
Another User Comments:
“ESH, I think. Your friend sounds quite superficial and unappreciative, not to mention incredibly rude and immature, to leave sulking.
By “not talking to her,” you are withdrawing love and connection unless you explain that you are creating time and space so the two of you can have a productive discussion instead of continuing on the same hamster wheel.” felice60
13. AITJ For Dumping Leftover Food In The Woods To Avoid Wasting It?
“So, for a bit of backstory, my (38m) wife (35w) does do the cooking in the house. Before I get attacked, I get home much later than her and do the dishes, that’s the deal we have worked out.
Anyways, for whatever reason, she always cooks a bit too much food, and we ALWAYS have leftovers. Like, a lot. I’ll usually take some to work the next day, and there’s still a bunch left. She, for some reason, doesn’t eat the leftovers very often and the remainder sit in the fridge, as I get tired of eating the same thing after two meals worth.
Now, this is where the title of the post comes in. On a few occasions, she was offended that I’d throw the leftovers away. Either citing that she was going to eat it eventually or assuming I thought it was not good and that’s why I threw it out.
In an effort not to offend her further, I started taking the leftovers that weren’t eaten to the woods behind our house and dumping them in there.
I figured that not only was it easier to hide it that way, but it would be food for animals or decompose into the ground and not be wasted as it would be in the trash.
(No, we can’t have a compost bin due to HOA rules).
One day last week, our dog got away from her and ran into the woods. When she found him, he was eating the pasta I had dumped in there the night before. She’s furious with me now.
She thinks I dislike her cooking and that I’m going behind her back to hide that. It’s simply not true. She’s now refusing to cook and has even cooked for only herself before I get home.
So AITJ? How do I explain that the woods are a better dumping ground for food than the trash?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are a lot of foods that are harmful to animals, even innocent-seeming things like rice, bread, and potatoes. So please stop that for starters. Secondly, apologize for going behind her back and have a conversation about food waste and how you’d like to be more careful.
Separate meals might be the solution tbh.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a decade older than me and you still have no clue how to communicate. Why haven’t you told your wife that her lack of leftover eating isn’t fiscally healthy?
Why haven’t you told her to cut down on making large meals? You’re almost 40 and you are too scared to tell your wife that her actions are making the house go awry. Grow up and tell your wife what’s wrong. How is she supposed to read your mind?!
If you *really* have trouble with it, get therapy for your assertiveness or you can use a third party to tell her what you can’t. It’s not that difficult and this way, you don’t ruin more of this planet by dumping food where it doesn’t go.
So to reiterate: YTJ.” Sudden-Car3033
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s start with the most obvious, do you want bears, because *that’s* exactly how you get bears. Next, as others brought up, some animals handle food differently than us, as in they can’t. You might be killing some wildlife doing that.
You’re in an HOA, so there is no way they don’t have rules against dumping waste that you’re breaking. *You* are the reason HOAs have those rules. Your waste will attract things like rats, rats that see all the homes around them as *their* new homes.” No-Personality5421
12. AITJ For Correcting My Cousin's Babyish Behavior?
“My little cousins Leah and Sally only have a year and a half between them but Leah acts so much more immature than Sally so Leah usually gets everything she wants at the expense of her sister Sally.
My auntie (their mum) treats Leah like she is autistic without an actual diagnosis and tells people and the school that she is autistic to the point where Leah and her siblings have told us she is autistic as if it were fact.
(I’m using fake names)
My (20F) little cousins Leah (9F) and Sally (10F) came to stay at my house (where I live with my mum) for two nights and while they were staying I noticed that Leah was acting very baby-like. For example, she wanted her shoes untied, and instead of telling us what she wanted she just shoved the shoes in our face and whined.
So the whole night my mum (40) and I had been correcting Leah (not every second of the day but just times when it was getting on our nerves).
The things we were correcting were things like:
Telling her not to talk like a baby (when we said this she would act properly and ask for things properly)
Telling her she can’t always get what she wants (she wanted something as soon as her sister picked it up)
We didn’t see anything wrong with this as this is just discipline in our eyes and something her mum should also be doing at home.
But two days after the girls went home my auntie said she wasn’t happy about what the girls came back and told her. She said we were bullying Leah the whole time she was here for being different and got it’s something she can’t help.
I’d also like to add that she was responding well to how we said it. We weren’t rude, and we didn’t say it in a nasty way, we explained why she shouldn’t act like that and asked if she understood and she said she did.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Leah’s mother is training and manipulating her to behave in an immature dependent fashion for secondary gain for herself…attention, feeling needed, control, whatever. Which is getting close to a Munchausen by Proxy situation.
Plus, EVEN IF Leah were on the autism spectrum, that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be able to learn behaviors and how to maximize her potential. Instead, her mother wants her to be limited and babied. If this doesn’t change, Leah is going to have some very serious (learned) problems.” PorcupineTattoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were doing the very basic and common sense things that her parents should be doing. While her daughter may be autistic, she is doing her no favors by just treating her like a baby instead of getting her a diagnosis and working with professionals on appropriate ways to meet her needs and help her function.
It’s so messed up when parents accuse you of bullying when you’re just treating their children like people and setting appropriate boundaries.” hannahkelli
11. AITJ For Asking My Unemployed Parnter To Do More Chores?
“I (30M) live with my long-term partner (27F) in a major city.
My partner and I live together in a major city to share costs.
I only mention this to provide some information about how much rent costs. While we were both working, I paid 60% of the rent and she paid 40%, with the agreement that I would pay for all outings because I make 30% more than she does.
My partner has felt depressed about her career choice, so I suggested that she quit her job and take some classes to gain certifications in a career she would like more.
I agreed to pay rent/utilities as well as pay for her classes and give her some spending money (300 dollars a month).
I’m lucky in that I work at a good job, so I can eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner for free at work. I’ve also worked on additional projects so that I can work more hours to support both of us on my salary alone.
For the last 6 months, I’ve clocked in 60+ hours a week.
When we were both working, we split chores 50/50. However, I find myself burning out during the week and unable to clean, and on the weekends she wants to spend Saturday on outings, with us cleaning on Sunday together.
We got into a bit of a disagreement because I said that I was exhausted and I needed a day (Sunday) where I could just be alone or do something with my friends. She said she appreciates my help with her career change, but that since we both live in the apartment, we should both clean.
I don’t think it’s fair since she’s home much more than I am, and I make almost zero mess because I spend 60+ hours a week at work. She said just living in the house creates a mess, and I should help clean it.”
Another User Comments:
“How much time is she spending on schoolwork? I’m going to guess it’s dramatically less than 60 hours/ week. It’s not about the financial contribution but the time difference in what you’re doing. I think you doing nothing around the house isn’t fair (as in you should pick up after yourself rather than leaving a mess for her to clean up), but the bulk should fall to her.
And having a day to yourself is also totally reasonable. NTJ.” Internal_Progress404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s an apartment with 2 grown adults, no pets, no kids, how much is there to possibly clean?? A vacuum, tidy, bathroom, and kitchen wipe-down shouldn’t take more than an hour/week.
I’ve been married for over 20 years, I’ve done stretches of 100% of the chores, I’ve done stretches of 50%, etc. You support your partner in what they need at the moment. This shouldn’t be triggering or about fairness. It’s about how can you best support your partner and sometimes that involves picking up the (chores) slack when asked.” SoBasic7775
Another User Comments:
“So she’s happy for you to work a 60h work so that she can study and you can support her but also wants you to do housework? No. NTJ. Let’s do the maths. – OP works 60h/week – Partner studies for 24h / week – Housework takes 8h/week (ref comment where OP states they spend 4h on Sundays) Even if the partner did all the housework *and* took 50% longer than expected (i.e. 12h), she’d be putting in 40h / week compared with OP’s 60h.
That’s grossly unfair, considering he is *burning out* to support *her* studies. Yes, they should have discussed it up front, but I would have assumed, and I guess he did too, that this arrangement could only be sustainable if she took over the housework.” Moose-Live
10. AITJ For Enforcing A No-Kisses Rule For Our Newborn, Despite My Partner's Objections?
“So my partner (30m) and I (26f) are expecting our first child in mid-November. This is already peak season for colds and RSV, but this year our country is also going through a whopping cough epidemic.
Normally we have agreed on all the baby-related issues but this one has got us a bit divided. Mainly because I want to have boundaries for people being in the baby’s face, but mostly I don’t want anyone kissing my baby’s face that isn’t us.
I’m not against close family seeing or holding our baby as long as they wash their hands beforehand and aren’t feeling sick, but I don’t see why it’s a necessity for the grand and great-grandparents to kiss the baby’s face.
My partner however comes from a family that is used to giving kisses to the babies and even still does on occasion when greeting and saying goodbye.
(As far as I have understood we are talking kisses on the cheeks and forehead, no lips on lips)
His main concern is that they, his mum and grandma, won’t be able to feel as connected to the baby if we don’t allow them to give kisses.
He is fine with me making it a boundary for my family but would hate to take the bonding possibility away from his own family.
We have already spoken to his mum about not visiting if sick and washing hands before holding the baby and she responded that she would be okay doing that but that we had to keep in mind that older generations weren’t used to this kind of caution and would probably find it stupid and unnecessary.
That statement makes me a bit nervous since his family is quite a bit older than mine, his mum is in her late 60’s and his grandma is past 90, and both are very stubborn.
It’s probably important to note that I have never had problems with his side of the family in any other circumstance, they have always been very welcoming and accepting of my boundaries.
So WIBTJ for enforcing the no kisses boundary on both sides of the family even if my partner doesn’t agree?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s recommended that people outside of the infant’s home keep their mouths to themselves, especially during cold and flu season.
You may find it helpful to discuss this boundary with your doctor while your husband is present so that he can get the medical professional’s opinion. I would also say to MIL and GMIL, that while you can appreciate that your caution may seem different to them, this is your first child and you need to do what you are comfortable with *and* medical recommendations have changed since they raised their children.
But you two need to be a united front and have consistent rules for both families.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yes both parents should be making decisions together, but when you disagree on a widely recommended safety measure, the safe option wins out. Kissing newborns can have deadly or life-changing consequences.
Not worth the risk. Your baby will receive a little boost from your antibodies for a while, but that doesn’t fully help if they’re shoving their face against the baby’s face. They don’t need to kiss your baby’s face to bond. Not kissing the baby isn’t going to ruin the ability to form a relationship.
They can do that by holding and interacting with the baby.” eliida24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seek out information regarding not kissing babies for him to understand. He sounds like he hasn’t researched so isn’t aware of the risks or doesn’t realise the severity. Education should help.
Their bonding won’t be impacted, they will still be able to connect, he used manipulation there. They should want to keep their baby/grandbaby as safe as possible.” PsychologicalRoll705
9. AITJ For Being Hurt By My Friend's Reaction To My Residency Interview Invitation?
“I am currently in my last year of medical school and applying to residency programs. I recently got an interview invitation at a competitive program affiliated with an extremely prestigious university with a lot of name recognition that I’ll just call “X” university for privacy’s sake.
Now this university has two programs each affiliated with its academic hospital, “A” and “B,” Both still under the X umbrella and essentially the same academic level. I was beyond excited and wanted to share the news with my best friend.
I sent her a screenshot of the email which included the formal name of the program as the “A medical center X-affiliated residency” along with the message “I got an interview at X!” for ease of readability since both program names are a mouthful.
Response: “Congrats!!!! I mean, it’s not X it is the X-affiliated hospital, but yay!!!”
I explained it’s the same thing, and she asked “Do you get to say you graduated from X?” I said yes, to which she replied “Whoa!!! That’ll be mad impressive!!!”
She knows very little about how academic hospitals, residency programs, etc operate, but that initial text felt like an unnecessary dig, especially when she didn’t know about the program yet made a statement that lessened the magnitude of the news I was trying to share.
I approached her about it a week later in person and said that it felt slightly hurtful and unsupportive. She got mad at me for bringing it up and said she didn’t have any empathy for me because she didn’t know about the program details and I eventually corrected her.
She also said the basis of her statement was that people will use the “X” name for clout when they’re just going to their online school, etc.
I tried to explain how that initial text could impact me in that context, but she insisted that I was overreacting and refused to apologize or acknowledge my perspective.
AITJ? Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s like saying yay you got a promotion but it’s not like you’ve got a big pay rise or anything. That’s hardly a ringing congratulations. It’s an odd thing to say. Even if you know nothing about the system.
Why would you deliberately bring someone down like that? I mean she doesn’t sound like a friend. Friends are meant to have your back. I celebrate all the highs of my friends no matter how big or small or insignificant they are to me.
If it matters to my friend I’m happy for them. Find people who are genuinely happy for you. Throw this one back.” CarefulNow-
Another User Comments:
“Final year medical school and your ego is this fragile? YTJ. Seeking clarification is not putting you down.
I hope you recognize this before being let loose on patients in a residency because it’s going to get very complicated very quickly if you take it as a personal insult every time a patient asks more questions to clarify the specific nature of what you are communicating to them.” peonyhen
Another User Comments:
“Kinda the jerk, yea. She didn’t mean it to be a jerk. You bringing it up after the fact can kinda feel like a slap in the face. She should still try to see it from your side, but I think you both should apologize to each other.
You for bringing it up and making it a bigger deal after the fact, and her for the way she acted about you bringing up your feelings.” miamijester
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Overstaying, Disrespectful Friend From My Apartment?
“So I (35F) live in a 1 bedroom apartment with just my dog, my cat, and myself. One of my friends (33F) that I have known for about 20+ years recently ended her relationship with her partner (39M). She lived in his home which he bought alone before they got together.
They were together for about 5 years. I’m not sure what caused the breakup but my friend asked to stay at my place on the couch for just a few days until she got her place.
Here’s the problem. I told her she could stay 1 week and then she needed to be out.
My place isn’t that big and she sleeps dang near all day. I hated being forced to stay in my room until she woke up. I couldn’t even make a cup of coffee in my living room until she woke up otherwise she would scream at me.
After the week, I woke her up and told her she needed to clean up her mess (she was very messy) and go. It wasn’t until about 10 am that I woke her up but I was done! She started screaming at me to get out of “her” room (my living room) and leave her alone.
Where I live, unless they live at a residence for 30+ days, I have every right to kick them out. I started cleaning up her stuff and told her she had 1 hour before I called the police.
She is now telling all our mutual friends that I said she could fully move in and then changed my mind.
Everything that we talked about was either over the phone or in person so I have no proof of our agreement. Our friends are 50/50 at the time.
Should I have given her more time to find a safe place to stay? Or should I have made a legal agreement on paper before she stayed?
I do feel bad but it’s my place and I shouldn’t be forced to stay in my room until she chooses to wake up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you gave her a week and she agreed to it, she knew the deal before sleeping on your couch and disrespecting you when you asked her to clean up after herself… yeah that is not okay.
Do not give her any more time because then she will have won because she gets what she wants and that is to stay and she will believe that she can treat you like junk and get away with it. If your “friends” take her side in things without listening to your side of it, then they are not worth it!” HanaBubbles1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! She doesn’t sound like a friend. I know you guys have been friends since you were teens, but what kind of friend acts like she has been? Screaming at you when you offered to let her stay on your couch and take over your home for a week?
How dare her. Then, tell all your mutual friends that you agreed to have her move in. First of all, it is lousy of her to do to you after you graciously let her stay with you at all. Second of all, even if you had agreed for her to move in, it is NO ONES business if you decided you changed your mind after her behavior.
You shouldn’t be judged by your other ‘friends’ regardless. Makes me wonder, did she lie on purpose about that, or is she so delusional that she believes you did invite her to move in? She reminds me of my heavy drinker narcissistic older sister. If your other friends believe her and are judging, then THEY should take her in and see how they like it.
I’m sorry, but I’d double-check my ‘friend group’ if I were you.” Shirinf33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you letting her walk all over you? You let her stay with you and she screams at you? The first time that happened, I’d have kicked her out.
Instead, you tiptoe around her. Go make your coffee whenever you darn well, please. She’d probably move out a lot quicker that way. If she screams, throw her stuff out on the street. You are not a hotel.” Aggressive-Coconut0
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Scolding Strangers' Kids?
“So I 23m was with my mom (40). We were visiting my sister and her husband. They live in an apartment building in the Bronx, and loads of people live there as well.
While we were waiting for the elevator the fire department came in, and one of the kids (she was about 15) said they were gonna shut off all the elevators. Like two minutes later they shut them all off, and took one upstairs. So the girl with her friends goes “I called it.
I flipping called it.” My mom immediately got upset and looked at her and was like “kids these days and their crazy mouths”. So the girl apologized and said sorry, but apparently that wasn’t enough for my mom because she said “no you should be sorry for yourself, you’re a young lady and too pretty to be talking like that.”
My mom was making a scene and I was kind of embarrassed about it, and told her to leave people’s kids alone. That girl was like 15, maybe 16. But she was clearly a high school kid. My mom turns back around and you can hear the kids laughing behind us, and one of the other women in the lobby told my mom to stop trying to check people’s kids.
We get upstairs to my sister’s apartment finally and she was still and about it, so I told my mom to leave these people’s kids alone. We don’t live in the building or the neighborhood, and it was never that serious. She got on me too for defending their “bad behavior” and chatted with my sister about it.
My sister thinks that our mom is in the right, but I think that she needs to leave people’s kids alone. My BIL agrees with me, but my mom and sister are adamant about kids “respecting those older than them and watching what they say in front of older people”.
AITJ for saying my mom needs to leave people’s kids alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom has no business telling other kids what to do unless they are either, A. Under her direct supervision, or B. They are actively participating in dangerous behavior that could cause harm to someone or damage to property that doesn’t belong to them.
Kids cursing is nothing new and your mom gained nothing by speaking up about it. That girl isn’t going to stop cursing, so it ends up being a fruitless endeavor” The_White_Ferret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t think anyone should be publicly commenting about someone else’s swearing anyways (at least in a nonprofessional situation).
Maybe if she said it after you guys had left the elevator but saying it to them is just jerk behaviour. The whole “respecting your elders” thing is pretty dated too. Swearing about something is different than AT someone” Avocado_bunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not her kids, not hurting anyone or damaging anything = not her business. And if she’s 40 now, that puts her at that age in the late 90s/early 00s right? So, it wouldn’t exactly shock me to find out things just as bad if not worse came out of her mouth at that age.
Is it immature? Yeah, it is. But people need to let young people grow and learn on their own.” Gold-Invite-3212
6. AITJ For Inviting My Best Friend, My Brother's Ex, To Family Events?
“I’ll try to keep this short as possible. I (30F) have a younger brother who I’ll call Kevin (29M), and a best friend I’ll call Rose (29F).
Some background info;
I met Rose in middle school, and she has been my friend since. My parents even know, and are friends with her parents. She would come to my birthday parties, and attend our get-togethers, and her family would sometimes come over for the holidays.
She hasn’t visited my family much as we grew older, mainly because she has a fiancé now. But we do meet up occasionally
Kevin and Rose broke up 5 years ago, they were together for 3 years. What my parents and I know is that it got messy, both Kevin and Rose were going through some stuff so they lashed out at each other.
Rose talked to me about breaking up with him and eventually did so when she found out Kevin was unfaithful to her.
I don’t know too much of the details, and it’s not something Rose or Kevin wants to talk about.
Since they broke up Kevin refuses to attend anything if Rose is there, even though Rose has no intentions to even talk to him.
He won’t attend my birthdays, casual get-togethers, or my wedding which is next year, and recently refused to attend my baby shower.
I don’t understand why he’s doing it, he’s moved on from Rose. He’s been with his current partner for 5 years, and Rose has gotten over him.
When my baby shower ended I messaged him asking why he didn’t come. He texted me saying he just doesn’t want to be around Rose. I ask him why but he doesn’t answer that question. So I told him that I have been friends with Rose longer than they’ve been together, and she’ll continue to be in my life.
I also told him that he was putting a gap between us. He hasn’t responded to me.
I’ve been thinking I’m the jerk because they were both toxic to one another. I don’t know the details so maybe something more happened, but I can’t know unless he tells me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: Perfectly reasonable to want your brother at big events in your life. At the same time, he is allowed to not attend something that makes him uncomfortable. I was originally going to say talk to your brother but I’m wondering if there’s a chance he doesn’t tell you why because he knows if he does it could end your friendship” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are the one creating the gap. Your brother has clearly stated he won’t go if Rose is there. That puts the ball in your court – for every event, you need to decide whether you want your brother there more than Rose or vice versa, and only invite one or the other accordingly.
You holding onto this pipe dream of having them both at your events is what is causing the rift. To not choose, you have effectively unilaterally chosen Rose. You have to choose; you cannot avoid the responsibility to choose without excluding your brother.” randomcharacheters
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear Perfume Despite My Father's Insistence?
“I have never liked perfume, I don’t know why, and I can’t even begin to guess. I just never liked wearing it myself. And the last couple of years I seem to have developed some kind of allergy or something to it because it just throws me into a coughing fit way more than it did when I was smaller.
So I just avoid it altogether really. My father however has always insisted that I wear some when I go out despite how many times I told him I don’t like it. When I ran out I just used the excuse that I didn’t have any because I didn’t, but then he’d buy me a whole pack again.
So after a point I just gave up telling him how I felt about it and either gave what I had left to my sister or threw it out and just let him keep the impression that I still had perfume.
The other day he found out I’ve never had any perfume for a good while now and he got so upset.
I lied, so his getting upset over that is understandable. But he was also upset about the fact I don’t wear perfume to a degree I just don’t understand. I get he means well. You want to smell nice while going out and all. But he acts as though perfume is the ONLY way to smell nice.
Like, there are scented lotions and body washes. I always make sure I’m still clean and don’t smell bad at the end of the day too. I don’t even want a certain scent on me most of the time from other scented products. So long as I don’t smell bad I’m fine.
But at this point, a part of me is questioning if just using decent-smelling soaps and lotions works. Is it so wrong to not want to wear perfume?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lots of people don’t wear perfume. Honestly, it’s a kinder thing than dousing yourself in scent; there are plenty of people who have issues with other people’s perfume, like asthma and perfume allergies and multiple chemical sensitivities (fragrances are one of the common problems chemicals), migraines, etc. You don’t need to make yourself smelly.
And if you’re allergic, it’s positively daft to be doing that to yourself. One wants to have a deodorant that works and good hygiene so one doesn’t reek of body odor, but perfume doesn’t help that anyway – folks who don’t have good hygiene or deodorant just end up smelling like body odor, and perfume if they apply perfume.
As someone sensitive to many major-brand perfumes, I use essential oil-based perfumes or a small perfume atelier that I know I can tolerate if I wear anything, but usually, I wear nothing.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How strange that your father cares, and this much.
Does anyone even wear perfume anymore? I mean some people do but there are so many scent-free places now and some societal disdain for strong scents that I feel like it’s way less common than it used to be for me to smell someone.
Most people just seem to smell nothing at all. I only notice strong smells, either too much perfume or BO. To be honest I’m not sure which is worse.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to put any fragrance on if you don’t want to.
Maintaining good hygiene is good enough. If anything, wearing a lot of perfume is inconsiderate to those around you. I have pretty bad lungs due to a hereditary chronic illness, and strong perfumes can cause my throat can close up.” Slovenlyfox
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work At A Special Needs Camp Due To My Personal Boundaries?
“I’m an adult scoutmaster (23F) in my country’s equivalent of the boy/girl scouts (not in the US).
We organize camps in summer and winter. Winter camp is in February and it involves skiing and snow activities while we are all staying in a scout hut.
For February 2024, an extra camp is planned for special needs children (in cooperation with an organization working with special needs kids) – this is not what we commonly do, but it was done in the past and went well. The kids who come to that camp are aged 8-14 and have various (oftentimes mental and developmental) disabilities, many with trisomy 21, cerebral palsy, etc.
The camp for some is the first time in their lives they sleep not at home. There are also 2 nurses and special needs educators working at the camp.
The issue at hand: I have a problem with being touched, grabbed, hugged, etc., especially without a warning.
This is due to trauma I will not go further into. From previous experience, I came to learn that some of these kids have absolutely zero respect for boundaries. Don’t get me wrong, they are the sweetest but they also can be very affectionate and will hug you out of nowhere, and grab your hair, arms, and legs.
Of course, kids without special needs also do that, but when you tell them “Hey that startled me, please don’t do that” they usually understand pretty well but some of the special needs kids… well, don’t.
When they asked me if I’d be available to work at the camp, I told them that I didn’t feel comfortable.
I’m not very close with the others (we are friendly and get along well but it’s not like we are super close and they know me inside out), and when they inquired what made me uncomfortable I told them that I could not handle being touched all the time.
They told me I’m an ableist jerk and look, I get it – but I don’t want to have a panic attack or start crying in front of special needs kids who haven’t done anything wrong. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to react in a way that’s not disturbing or upsetting them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Working with special needs kids is very hard, there’s a reason people are specially trained for it. It’s better to refuse it if you can’t do it than try to force it and mess it up. Your colleagues are the jerks for calling you names – they probably just want to share the burden/not do it themselves.” MediumWellSteak8888
Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ. My son has special needs, and I understand this. You can tell that the people who are saying stuff to you are just virtue signaling. No one wants their kids to be cared for by someone uncomfortable caring for them.
It’s in no one’s best interest.” Wide-Heron-1015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve done the right thing saying no. You are not an ableist. Working with special needs kids is really hard work, and as a previous commenter has said, there is a reason you have special training to work with them.
You made the right decision for you and those kids. If you’re uncomfortable, it can make them uncomfortable, too.” LuciPichu
3. AITJ For Scheduling A Varsity Girls Basketball Team To Play A Boys Team?
“I serve as the athletic director of a private school. Last school year, I scheduled the varsity girls’ basketball team to play a varsity boys’ team.
The opponent’s athletic director emailed me wanting to schedule a game. The boy’s team was for a school that specializes in learning disabilities like dyslexia, and they had not won a single game in four seasons. Initially, I asked the coaches of the two sub-varsity boys’ basketball teams if they were interested, but none of them felt comfortable playing them.
Their AD was the one who suggested playing our girl’s team. While the varsity girls coach at my school was at first hesitant, she eventually accepted the idea to play a boy’s team. She said that it would be a great “tuneup game” before district play.
The game was played at their court last December. The first half was very close with multiple lead changes. However, the boy’s team broke away in the second half and our girls lost. This was their first win since 2018 according to their head coach. Their team and some of the students rushed to the court after the buzzer sounded as if they had won the World Series.
There were no parents who raised any concerns about last year’s game. However, upon our department releasing this season’s basketball schedules, multiple parents of girls who have signed up for tryouts have complained about this game. On the schedule, the entry says “[school name] (boys team),” and it is being played at our court this time.
These parents have mentioned risk factors due to the differences in athletic ability between boys and girls.
Even though there were not any hard fouls in the game, I understand these concerns. As a result, I am making an exemption on our game attendance policy for this game only.
Players who are not comfortable playing or whose parents are not comfortable with them playing will not have to suit up for this game.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I don’t know why you went so far out of your way to help this athletic director with the losing team – their team and their kids are not your responsibility.
Relaying a request from this guy to your coaches is one thing, but a game against a boys’ team is NOT what any of those girls or their parents signed up for last year, and I bet the only reason you didn’t hear it last year is that it wasn’t on the schedule in advance like it is this year.
Scrap it. One team member or their parents complaining might be something you could push past but multiple? The “optional attendance” policy is a ridiculous idea, too. Every player who opts out will end up putting more pressure on everyone left.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It’s insulting to the young women student-athletes of your school to equate them to boys at a school for people with disabilities who aren’t successful competing with boys their ages. There is also the misogynistic assumption that the disabled boy’s team is on level ground if playing against girls.
But being a girl isn’t a disability. And it’s not good to be teaching boys that girls are inferior in any way, including athletics And how will the other school’s boys’ team react, if they’re told they are not good enough to play boys, but can play girls, and then the girls win?
Last year, the boys won, but that isn’t a certain outcome. Or are the girls expected to throw the game to help build the boys’ confidence? The minefield created by the adults equating a team for disabled boys with a team for girls is one that none of the students, boys or girls, should have to navigate.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like the game was set up to cheer up the boys with an easy win since they hadn’t won in 4 years. Why are you more interested in their feelings than the girls you coach? If the girls win then everyone will say the boys threw the game to be chivalrous (and the boys will likely harrass the girls out of shame for losing to them).
If the boys win – well, they’re better, faster, stronger, and deserved to win.” MythologicalRiddle
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Raise The Thermostat?
“Context, we’re from the UK. I am struggling to see why we are the jerks as deemed by my parents and sister.
My husband (42M) and I (40F) have 2 daughters: Jane (22F) and Lisa (5F). This concerns Jane who has been struggling with the cold.
Jane started to complain about the temperature of the house now it’s no longer summertime. Currently, we leave the central heating off all the time apart from in the early morning (5-7 am) so Lisa doesn’t get too cold when she is awake.
My husband and I don’t have an issue with the temperature of the house (it’s approx 16C at night across all of the bedrooms since we checked in case her room was draftier), we don’t feel it, and do not see where Jane is coming from.
Jane complains and says she wears multiple layers to bed and around the house while we are all asleep.
So, she asked if she could have access to the thermostat to switch the heating on at a higher temperature than 18C (what we set it as).
She wants to raise it to 21C but we said no. She keeps complaining about how she has to wear 4 layers to bed so she doesn’t feel cold in the morning. Lisa says it isn’t cold when we ask her, my husband and I also don‘t feel the cold so we said no to her asking and thought that would put an end to it.
It did not. We had dinner at my parent’s house in Jane was making comments about how warm and toasty her grandparents’ house was. My parents were shocked that we didn’t allow her access to the thermostat and they tried to sway us into giving her access because it isn’t right for her to sleep in multiple layers.
My sister also agreed with them and said my daughter has valid points since the temperature is starting to drop in the night.
Are we wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Get the girl a personal space heater for her room or a heated blanket or heating pad.
She not making it up that she is cold. Who are you to tell someone that they are not cold or not hot? I do understand not giving control of the thermostat to her but to not make accommodations for her so she isn’t cold is where you’re the jerk.
Also, 16 degrees Celsius is freaking cold. (And yes this dumb American did have to google what that is in Fahrenheit lol)” JusT_HC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Give her solutions, don’t make her just put up with it. The simplest would be to raise the thermostat a little, as the rest of your wouldn’t overheat and she might be comfortable then.
Different people have different comfortable temperatures. I would be comfortable with your normal temperature, as would two of my children. My wife and third child would not, and it’s hard to sleep well when you’re too cold.” JumpingSpider97
Another User Comments:
“YTJ here and this is my reasoning.
I have read multiple comments where Jane has tried to make compromises with you and gets shot down each time. You won’t let her have a space heater or an electric blanket. Since it will spike the energy bill. So she asked if she could turn up the degrees to 21 degrees Celsius which isn’t that high above normal. I understand wanting to cut costs but what Jane has been doing isn’t working.
She is already making accommodations for your needs by wearing 4 layers. 4 layers of clothing aren’t going to help her face. I know this is a wild thought but put the heat on before bed. Once everyone is asleep and comfy then turn it off.
64/18 Celsius degrees may be fine for you but in the winter that would drive me insane. I can’t fall asleep unless it’s a minimum 70/22 degrees in my home.” Dependent_Praline_93
1. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Golf Banquet Without My Younger Sister?
“This is not a very big problem, this is your average firstborn simply venting about their young sibling who is the favorite. I am F and the oldest of 2. My sister has been a favorite for quite some time now and I am sick of it.
We are only three years apart and my parents sometimes forget that. A little context before I begin, earlier this year I made the girl’s golf team for my school. The team can only have 28 girls exactly, no more. To put that into perspective there are at least 400 kids per grade in high school.
I was lucky enough to make it. Ok now on to the problem.
At the end of the season, we have a banquet that if you want to attend you have to let the coaches know by a specific date. This banquet is for all the girls on the team and anyone they want to bring, most if not all the girls are going and only bringing mom and dad.
This means no siblings or younger kids will be attending. ( I am not going. )
I had asked my dad about it a week before see if I could go and he told me to ask my mom. But I also did tell him I did not want my sister to come with us.
When I told Mom I didn’t want to include her “baby” she got mad at me. Then said she would only go if my sister was going and then I looked at my dad and he simply said “I am only going if mom is”.
Also, we ended up going back and forth for a good 10 minutes, which probably was a bad idea to keep going on my end. I am so upset right now and it’s past the deadline I had to tell my coach and the banquet is next week.
Am I the jerk for being mad at my mom for not just making a night about me for once?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- It’s icky your parents are showing blatant favoritism. Congrats on your golf team! Go talk to your coach and ask if you can still go.
Try one more time, calmly and explain to your parents it’s important to you and you’d like to go with just them. It’s nothing against Bratzilla (maybe don’t say that part) but you’d like some one-on-one time to celebrate your golfing.
Hugs from a mama who wishes I could tell your parents to stop being goobers.” User
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. By the time you are in high school and middle school, it should be pretty normal for parents to know that they have to arrange schedules to be at one kid’s event when the other kid can’t be there.
It may not be anybody’s favorite thing, but it should be pretty standard and fair. The fact that your mom‘s unwilling to go somewhere without her little sister, who’s got to be at least in middle school at this point is freaky.
This is your mom’s issue. She should just be saying, like a normal mother, yeah sure, she [your sister] can go to a friend’s house while we’re there. and I’ll pick her up afterward. It’s no big deal at that age if you think of your kids as equals.” Postingatthismoment
Another User Comments:
“Look you didn’t give any examples of how your parents always treat your sister better than you? I get that you wanted this to be special and it would have been and if I was your little sister I’d be gutted you didn’t want me there.
Your little sister probably idolizes you and yes it’s often different depending on birth rank so unless you can provide some better examples YTJ” Realistic-Active7230
