People Are Scared To Be Truthful In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Cancelling The Neighborhood Pup Olympics Because Of A Competitive Neighbor?
“I understand that this is a silly issue to have, but it’s an issue we have and I need advice.
5-6 years ago my HOA decided our neighborhood was boring and encouraged people to come up with ideas/activities to liven things up. Thus, my Pup Olympics was born.
It’s just the neighborhood dogs competing (poorly), in different silly events for 2 days and being rewarded with treats.
Early on there would be prizes for the owners of whichever dog won each event, and it was all fun and games. After a couple of years, we started doing a paid entry for each event, and the money went toward cash prizes and a donation to a great local animal shelter (where lots of us got our pups!).
Might be worth it to note that most people in the neighborhood choose to donate their cash prize toward the shelter fund, so we usually come up with a pretty great donation. People look forward to the Olympics every year, it’s ridiculous but it’s fun and we all love it.
18 months ago a new neighbor moved in and she has a Poodle who frequently competes in (and wins) dog competitions. This dog has a million followers on Instagram. We all follow the page and root for this dog in the competitions. No issue with the dog itself.
However, it ruined the pup Olympics last year. This dog swept every single competition. There is one event for senior dogs that it didn’t qualify for and that’s the only one that this Poodle didn’t win. We all just kind of stood there for two days and gave cash prizes to the same woman for every event.
To make matters worse, she also didn’t donate a single extra penny to the shelter fund (bonus AITJ for if I’m wrong for being judged here). This has taken an event for families and kids and turned it into something it was never meant to be.
It’s like having a professional athlete compete at a high school field day.
So, the Pup Olympics are happening soon, but this year my committee decided on the “No Competition Dogs” rule, to make it more fair for the other owners/families.
The Poodle owner got notice of this and has gone ballistic.
Our HOA had a committee meeting and decided in her favor, that we couldn’t exclude her or her dog if we wanted to have the competition in the neighborhood. I thought about it and then just went ahead and sent a cancellation notice out. Somebody from the HOA board tried to pull it back together but just isn’t getting much interest.
Now the Poodle owner has sent me multiple vindictive messages implying that I did this to hurt her personally and the neighborhood is split 50/50 on who was in the wrong. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Simply because it sounds like the neighborhood was no longer enjoying the event, anyone.
If someone wanted to, they could start it up again, but from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like anyone’s interested. Your neighbor is the jerk for ruining something fun for everyone.” washie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and I would make a “press release” to all concerned. I am disappointed that the original spirit of charitable neighborhood comradery and goodwill has been usurped into a competition where a ringer wins (and then keeps!) all the prizes where the local animal shelter has always been the biggest beneficiary of the event, which was never really a competition, but just a good time.
To that end, I am unwilling to put forth the time, effort, and money to make the event what it once was- but I hold no trademarks- anyone else can do what they want. I will seek another way to support the shelter. If that’s interesting to you, let me know, let’s put our heads together and figure something out.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This lady is a jerk. I have 2 very athletic & trained working breed dogs and even at the dog park / playing with friends’ dogs’, I tell them to lay off when there’s a ball and game of catch involved. Otherwise, my dogs monopolize the ball 100% of the time and nobody else gets a turn.
If it’s not me initiating the game, they’re happy to just run after it and be involved without actually ‘catching it’. Yes, it seems minor but I feel bad for other owners who brought their dogs to play ball & have a good time.
The fact that she doesn’t have the sense to pull back and recognize she’s not being a good team player about something that’s supposed to be light and fun is baffling. I’m pretty friendly with my human and dog neighbors so I can’t imagine doing and reacting that way and casting myself in a bad light to my neighbors.” shzan1
19. AITJ For Making My Ex Husband Sell His House And Move Out?
“My ex and I have been separated for quite some time, it’s been over a decade. I won’t go over the specifics of how it ended but it was very messy. Due to the results of the divorce, I had to move out of my husband’s home and move in with my father.
Unfortunately, my father passed away a few years ago and I was now stuck paying two separate mortgages. One for my dad’s house and one for my ex-husband’s. Since my name was also on the house along with his. I was stuck with a hard decision but I ultimately decided to sell my dad’s house and move back in with my ex.
He agreed. That was a terrible decision. I had not been back to the inside house for years but it had become trashed. No running water, the electricity was fried, and rats, roaches, sewage, etc. He only lived in one room of the house.
I spent a year trying to fix it up with the remaining money I had from selling my dad’s home.
And it drained pretty quickly, thankfully my son was there to help fix it up with me. Finally, when I looked at the home my expenses were drained. And it still was barely livable. Plus having to live with all his behaviors and the way he treated my son was not acceptable.
I finally decided to put my foot down and move on my own for the first time, out of state. Which required me to remind my ex that he had to sell his house. Which was actually in our divorce settlement but I never had the heart to kick him out before.
He agreed so we started the process. Now we’ve all moved out and are starting new lives.
Except for one little thing. His family. My ex decided to settle for a trailer and I bought it for him as an out. I even paid for his moving expenses to have all of his things stored while he looked for a new home.
They’re saying I’m cruel and a jerk for kicking him out of his father’s home and that he’s not capable enough to take care of himself. Now I’ve taken care of him as long as I’ve known him even after our divorce. I brought him groceries, gave him old cars, paid his bills while still paying my own, and paid his mortgage with no help from him.
Not to mention years and years of child support he never paid. I’ve heard the argument from him and his family that he had renters, which doesn’t matter. Considering he would give the renters money to me and I would use it to pay his bills.
I’m just torn and not sure what I should do, my son tells me I’m not the jerk but everyone else in the family seems to think so. What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the house you were at when your “Ex” was living is technically also your house since your name is on the deed with him.
Unfortunately, it sounded like he’s not a very responsible person, and by his sheer neglect, he doesn’t seem to care for the house or not. And given the divorce settlement, you do have the option to sell the home as well too even though it was in their family but that’s what happens in a divorce case.
I was going to say probably see if the relatives want to buy the house back but they might say no so, probably put it on the market once you and your son are stable in a place to live as well as a job.
Good luck.” Raspberryandlaugh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah *so cruel* of you to pay his way when you guys aren’t even together and you have no financial obligation to do so. How dare you fix up the house he trashed. So rude of you to buy him a trailer.
/s For real, why are you listening to his family? They have rose-colored glasses on when it comes to your ex, and I’m sure they’re getting distorted information. Do yourself a favor and don’t engage with them. And stop paying for stuff for your ex!” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“Is your ex mentally incompetent? Does he have a severe mental illness, brain damage, or some form of developmental delay that renders him unable to care for himself? Does he have a conservatorship and are you his conservator? If the answer to all of these is no, why the heck would you be responsible for a grown man?
If they feel he is incapable of taking care of himself, they can go to court and ask for him to be placed under a conservatorship and one of them can be his conservator or the courts can assign him one. He is your ex-husband, not your child.
If he is capable of looking after himself and just doesn’t want to, that is also not your problem. If he has a substance issue, still not your problem. NTJ” Andreiisnthere
18. AITJ For Taking My Friend Undergoing Cancer Treatment Away From His Family?
“I (20M) have a friend, Lee (22M) who recently started cancer treatment. He moved back in with his family which includes his dad, stepmum, and step-sister Dani (late 20s, not sure exactly how old she is).
Dani lives with them still because she has a lot of mental health issues and I don’t mention that to throw shade, but it’s part of what caused this conflict.
Lee did radiation and started chemo. His first treatment was, as he put it, “fine.” For his second treatment, he said Dani was going to drop him off and pick him up.
I said “Oh god, call me or my mum if that changes” and he said “I will lol” because we both knew it would probably go south.
He was talked into letting Dani take him because this would be part of her progress for her OCD and difficulty leaving the house (can’t remember what that’s called but she does leave the house sometimes, just not often).
She dropped him off but then proceeded to text and call him, I’m not joking, 38 times during his 4-hour infusion. She was asking him how he felt if anyone around him was getting sick if he was sure he was in a sterile room. He responded a couple of times and then started ignoring her.
At one point she said “Please answer this isn’t helping my OCD” and the last thing he said back to her was “You’re not helping anyone.” He asked me to pick him up instead which I did.
While we were on the way home, his stepmum called him and was siding with Dani, saying Lee and I were not helping her and “all [Lee] had to do was respond to Dani” which… HE DID.
Anyway, we got to his house and his stepmum and sister immediately started going in on him. I told them both off and offered for him to stay at my place for a few days, My mum is a cancer survivor and knows how to take care of immune-compromised people, and I am in school for nursing so I assured him we would make sure things were safe for him.
Lee agreed and we got some of his stuff packed. At this point, Dani and her mum shut up. But shortly after we got to my house, they started calling him again begging him to come home and calling me a jerk for taking him away from his family while he was sick.
They also wanted an apology for how I talked to them. Lee had them on speaker and when they said that I went “HA!”
This was all yesterday. Maybe I was a jerk but I’m not sorry. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OCD is a serious condition, but she is responsible for managing it.
He has to focus on his own, potentially fatal, condition. From your other comments, it sounds like he did respond to her several times, just not *every* time. And she blamed him for not managing her condition properly while he was getting cancer treatment. He needs a safe environment, reliable access to his treatments, and as little stress as possible.
If his family can’t give him that, then they should be grateful that somebody else is willing to.” MemeFarmer314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Cancer treatment is often devastating physically. Plus psychologically straining as you willingly have poisonous meds injected into your body. Lee needs, and deserves, all the support possibly available.
His mom’s thinking/planning is bizarre. Why she would use his treatment as a litmus test for Dani’s ability to cope is beyond me. Dani also deserves all the help that she can get, but harassing her brother while he has treatment isn’t support. She texted him roughly every 6 ½ minutes for four hours.
No matter how ill she is, it’s just not on him to meet her needs. I hope Lee decides to stay with you as long as he needs to and that his treatment is 100% successful.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is not your friend’s responsibility to care for his struggling sister while he is undergoing chemo.
He should not be worrying about anything except his recovery. You’re awesome for making yourself and your home available to him during this difficult time. The sister needs to have an apartment plan that doesn’t hinge on her physically ill relative bending over backward to reassure her (which by the way doesn’t help OCD anyway – it sounds like she was compulsively checking on him, which is a symptom of her illness that she needs help managing).
Hope he makes a full recovery.” CantaloupeAnxious975
17. AITJ For Refusing To Leave My Friend's Kids Alone At Night?
“I agreed to watch a friend’s 3 children, 7F, 8M, and 11M, for 2 weeks while parents were out of the country. They had originally been planning for family to watch them but that fell through shortly before they were set to leave and I agreed to watch the kids so they did not have to cancel their plans.
In general, the experience was good – their kids played great with our kids, and even though we had to take them to school (they don’t go to the same school our kids do) – overall it went well. Then on the last day, their return flight was delayed, and instead of returning at 2:30 p.m., they ended up returning at 10:30 p.m. The original plan (before the delay) was for them to come get the kids at our house when they returned, so we suggested that we stick to the same plan.
But, they then asked us to change the plan and bring the kids to their house.
I pushed back, as I go to bed early and have to get up early, and did not want to stay at their house potentially very late and then be tired at work the whole next day.
I said they could come get their kids at our house whenever they got back in town, even if in the middle of the night, or we would be happy to drive them over in the morning by 8 a.m.
My friend wrote back and said she wanted to see her kids and wanted them at her house when she came home since she missed them so much while she was gone.
But, she said she was exhausted and could not be bothered to drive the additional 30 min to our house to get them and said she and her husband would be fine if we dropped the kids off at 8 and left them since they have a home security system.
I told her multiple times I would not feel comfortable leaving young kids at home alone at night like that with the uncertainty of travel, and finally told her I was shocked she was OK with this. Security systems are great but by the time something is going wrong they are not a replacement for an adult.
Plus it was storming that night and 7F is afraid of thunder.
In the end, my SO agreed to stay at the house with the kids until they got back, which ended up being about 11 p.m. Nothing bad happened to the kids. However, my friend is now not speaking to me.
I can see how she may feel I negatively judged her parenting (which is true, although I get that she was exhausted from the delay and maybe not thinking clearly) or that I was overriding her expressed wishes and I should have deferred to her even though it violated a boundary for me.
So … AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She’s a jerk for getting upset about it and now for not speaking to you as well as for demanding more (after you did her a massive favor); there was no reason for you to do the transport.
She was still traveling. How would she be okay with the kids being alone all night, then in the morning if some further delay happened? You were just being responsible, and she was being a jerk. I’m sorry your friend doesn’t appreciate the huge thing you did for them.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Hold on, what did I just read?! You stepped in at the last minute to watch a FRIENDS 3 children for 2 weeks. Had to care, feed, take care of them, and bring them to a different school for 2 weeks. Friends flight is delayed and you need to them drop the kids over later in the day or still drive and drop them so they can wait at the home until parents get home.
Friend sounds selfish and I get being tired, but either come pick up your kids or wait for the next day!!!!! You came in and saved the trip and she is now not talking to you. NTJ” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. The children were in your care, you were responsible for their safety.
Leaving three children alone for hours, the oldest being 11 is inappropriate it’s abusive of the parents to try to put such a burden on their son! Security systems won’t stop the house from burning down, won’t save a child who fell on the stairs, won’t stop the child who found the loaded pistol, the liquor cabinet, the rat poison… You made the correct decision, and if you had complied with your parents’ directive and a tragedy resulted, they’d have been the first to blame you.
When I was babysitting, the standard for a satisfactory evening was: the house was still standing, undamaged and the children were all alive. You did a great job.” Flimsy-Wolverine-663
16. AITJ For Being Angry At My Coworker Who Disrespected My Privacy About My Birthday?
“I (21f) am mad at my coworker (23f) because she disrespected a very important boundary of mine.
So to explain the whole situation, I have severe trauma revolving around my birthday, and when I’m asked when my birthday is I always say that I don’t like sharing it.
I have even explained to some coworkers (the one I’m mad at included) that I have severe trauma but she still insisted and said she wants to know.
This has been going on for some time now. She sometimes makes comments like “Oh so you are 21 now?
That means your birthday must be around then and then!” and it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve asked her to drop the topic multiple times but she still didn’t stop.
A couple of days ago we were talking about our library cards (we work at a library) and how we have to extend our validity.
She extended her library card and then wanted to do mine but paused for a second before saying “I can finally find out when your birthday is!” and proceeded to hastily type in my name. I panicked and pressed Alt+F4 to close her program.
I even said I’m going to do it myself and I don’t want her to do it. She only said “I’m still going to look at your birthday” and opened the program again.
I felt sick. I tried to quickly change my birthday. I’m not sure if it worked, but I only heard her say “Ah I already thought so.” I became quiet and went to the bathroom.
She triggered my trauma badly and I had to puke.
After that, I’ve been ignoring/avoiding her for the rest of the week. I didn’t want to talk to her, besides the birthday topic we got along well, but after what she did I was just hurt and mad and I lost all trust in her.
Time skip to the weekend, I got a message from her saying “Sorry for asking but are you mad at me?”
I answered that I have set a clear boundary since the beginning and that I don’t want anyone to know when my birthday is.
And she had gone behind my back, used her rights as an employee of the library, and gone into my account to find out. She puts her interest over my easy-to-respect boundary and I don’t think that’s ok.
She answered that she only typed in my name as a joke and didn’t open my profile in any kind of way (to be fair I couldn’t see her computer at this moment because I was at my computer trying to change my birthday as fast as possible).
But to be honest I did not trust her and thought she was lying.
I asked her about the thing she said at that moment and she answered that she didn’t know when my birthday was and that she could have said that without seeing anything on the screen regarding me.
At some point, she just wrote that this was all a misunderstanding and I should talk to her next time instead of ignoring her. And she was wondering what terrible thing she could have possibly done.
But I’m still hurt by her actions and I don’t think I will trust her again.
So AITJ for being mad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do you have a manager you can report her to? Accessing personal records using a business computer during work time when the person was explicitly told the information is private? This deserves a reprimand from whoever supervises her.
If you’re not comfortable with that, keep to only office talk when it is required and tell her “Since you have no regard for personal boundaries, our relationship will be strictly about work-related topics from now on. I will answer no personal questions and will not talk about my personal life or yours.” Repeat as many times as necessary.” IAmTAAlways
Another User Comments:
“She used her ability to access a business information system to learn information about you that you specifically declared to be private. She did so absent any work-based need to access your information. At the very least, she needs to have a visit from HR regarding proper control of personally identifiable information (PII), if not a reprimand.
You not talking to her is the least of her concerns. You have every right to be angry at her. She has a right to be curious, but she doesn’t have a right to mistreatment work resources to satisfy her curiosity. NTJ” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t matter what the information is, nor why you don’t want to share it. It could be something tiny, or a big deal. The fact is, you made it clear it would be very hurtful and traumatic for her to keep trying – and she kept trying!
She doesn’t care about your feelings one bit and probably didn’t even notice that you were suffering so much. No misunderstanding here at all, don’t trust her and she’s not your friend. Hope you’re ok, this must be stressful every year!!” Original-Winter9334
15. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Brother About His Wife's Hurtful Comments?
“I have 3 kids, 6, 7, 9 years old. Their dad left when the oldest was 5 because we weren’t worth the stress. I was terrified because we were about to be homeless but I managed to find a job.
I hadn’t seen my family since they cut me off for getting pregnant as a teenager but my older brother found me and made me move in with him and his family.
We live in their basement rent free and it’s more than enough.
I feel a little awkward around his wife and kids (he has two preteen daughters) but they’re always nice to me and my kids when we see each other.
Well, it was my brother’s birthday yesterday and we were all upstairs having dinner.
My brother left the house to get something so he wasn’t home for a bit. My son accidentally spilled juice on himself so I took him to get cleaned. He then got all worked up and tired so I quickly put him to bed. My daughters came down as well and I sat with them for a bit till they slept.
After all that, I was going back upstairs and heard SIL+nieces talking about me.
“Did she get pregnant at 15?”
“Yes, and look how she ended up. She’s lucky your dad is so kind because you know she was pretty much homeless before we took her in… you guys better not get pregnant, I don’t want you to end up like her.”
I mean, my situation is pretty pathetic and I’m indeed lucky my brother found me. So I was just gonna ignore her. But then she started telling the girls my entire life story. Again, ok but she was telling them some embarrassing details and making me out to be a horrible human being.
She told them I used harmful substances while pregnant (not true), she told them I probably have mental illness X and X (I don’t), and she told them that I was probably going to abandon my kids or give them up if my brother hadn’t found me.
Her kids both went “Oh yeah I can see her doing that, she doesn’t seem entirely there”
It hurt bad to hear how badly they thought of me and I regret telling my brother and SIL what happened to me. I know I’m not a role model and probably should be ashamed of myself, but I didn’t think they thought so lowly of me.
I just went to bed and thought about ignoring it but now I’m wondering if I should tell my brother. It’s childish and petty of me, right? I feel like it’d be pretty to go crying to my brother about his wife and kids.
I just don’t know if I can look any of them in the eye anymore but I don’t want to risk being kicked out. WIBTJ if I told my brother what they said and potentially start a fight or argument or at least stress them out?
I already know I’m being too much living with them so I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA but if I were you, I’d be very tempted to leave my brother out of it and go straight to my SIL and say (preferably in front of your nieces)- *I understand why you don’t want your daughters to end up getting pregnant as teenagers, and I further understand that I can be held up as an example of the consequences of becoming one.
However, I don’t appreciate the embellishments in my story. I never used harmful substances while pregnant and I do not suffer any mental illnesses. My true history is enough of a life lesson.*” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“Is it possible your brother exaggerated to his wife how bad your situation was to make sure she accepted you into their home?
To make sure she had compassion for the situation your children were in since your parents weren’t an option? I wouldn’t discuss this with anyone and doubt your sil made it all up herself. Keep your children’s best interest in mind and swallow your pride, be grateful for the help, and even with your hands full with three kids consider any way you can create a bond with Sil.” soihavetosay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But talk to them both when the kids aren’t there. Just let them know you heard what she said, and you don’t appreciate it. Especially the assumptions and incorrect details that make you look bad. Also, it’s highly inappropriate to share those details with your nieces.
They are children, and you are an adult. There are things that they just don’t need to know. She could maybe justify the don’t get pregnant thing, but the rest is just her being a total mean girl. Now, if she ever needs to rely on you to look after them or guide them, she runs the risk of having taught them not to take you seriously.” northerntropicaz
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Babysit Our Future Child?
“My husband and I are expecting our first child and we are super excited!
Most of our family lives within a 5-hour radius of each other. I don’t dislike my husband’s parents but I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving our kid with them when we need someone to babysit. I’d rather drop them off at my parents because I know they’d be safe there, even if it might be a longer drive.
For context on why this is, I stayed with my in-laws for a while and during that time was threatened by my FIL for something completely unreasonable. The next day he acted like nothing happened and everything was normal when that had been a rather traumatic experience for me.
He has been talking badly our entire relationship. He probably thinks I don’t know his opinion of me/us and pretends to be nice but I’m not stupid. They also do not believe in mental health, as I learned the hard way, I was on medication the whole time I was staying with them but had to hide it, which was stressful.
Overall they’re judgmental and seem to think I’m stupid or something from how they have treated me.
As for their house, they live on a farm. They have stray cats and a dog, every single animal is infested with fleas, ticks are also really bad in that area and they don’t use any form of preventatives.
I found a couple of ticks on me while visiting and I had gone straight from the car to the house. I find this very concerning because of diseases and just general comfort for my child. I don’t want my future toddler to come home with fleas or flea bites all over his/her body because they decided to hang out with the animals.
My SIL has children as well and I’ve watched how they care for them when babysitting. I don’t trust them to take care of my kid in a way that I could approve of.
On the other side, I know that my parents and siblings(they are all teens/tweens and still at home) would take very good care of the baby and make sure their needs are met.
My Grandmother would also likely be able to do so as well if needed.
I have not directly discussed these concerns with my husband yet, though I have hinted at it. I do plan to address it with him, but the wording is key and I am second-guessing whether or not I’m overthinking and making this a bigger deal than it is or being biased.
WIBTJ if I avoided allowing them to care for my child? I know they want to be involved with the kiddo, and I wouldn’t stop them seeing him/her, I just don’t want to leave my baby alone with them and know they will be upset by this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the time to figure out where your husband stood on the matter was BEFORE you got pregnant. This is a potential time bomb in your relationship waiting to go off, and that baby ensures that you can never get out of the blast zone.” kamahaoma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Women are raised to be people pleasers in our society, but you have to overcome that. You know that your inlaws aren’t appropriate babysitters for a variety of reasons. The only reason you’re questioning yourself is that you don’t want to make waves.
So, what’s more important – your baby’s well-being, or your inlaw’s feelings? Talk to your husband and get on the same page with him. If he doesn’t agree, remind him that your child’s safety is his number one priority right now, and way more important than his parent’s feelings.
This can be tough because if he hasn’t faced up to how dysfunctional his parents and their living situation are, he’s going to have to now. He can’t stay in denial and make a good decision here. Maybe couples counseling would help?” HomelyHobbit
13. AITJ For Keeping My Luggage With Me On An Almost Empty Bus?
“So I was going to the airport and boarded a bus from the bus stop. Now this is the place from where the bus starts, so I was the first passenger. These buses have designated spaces for luggage as these are specifically for the airport.
Also, it is important to mention that this bus has a capacity of 34 people.
I have severe anxiety, and I normally get very anxious when I have to catch a flight or train. Also, if my luggage is out of my reach it makes me more anxious.
It makes me feel like I’m going to forget it.
So the bus started the journey and now there are 8 people in the bus, so there was so much space.
So instead of keeping my luggage in the designated place, I asked the conductor (who distributes the tickets) if I could keep my luggage with me.
I had a trolley bag and one backpack. He said it’s fine, but if somebody comes I will have to give them the seat. I said okay.
Now one aunty boarded the bus and came straight to me. She asked me to keep my bags in the proper spot and to give her the seat.
I said there were more than 20 seats available and, to please sit somewhere else, but she wanted this specific seat only.
It was clear that she was being difficult, but I didn’t have any right to deny her the seat. So I got up from that seat, I picked up my bags and I sat down in the last seat of the bus, along with my bags.
Now she came to me, all the way back to the bus, from the very front seat to shout at me. She started shouting that I was taking up the place of 3 people on the ticket of 1. I calmly said, if someone will come I will give them the seat and I’ll keep my luggage in the given place.
And that is true. I often travel with this bus, and when there are more people on the bus I always keep my luggage in the given place. But I always keep standing beside them instead of sitting. (It is very common to stand on the bus in India).
I do this so that I won’t trouble people.
She kept shouting at me and I was not in the mood for arguments. So I put on my headphones and blasted the music, ignoring her. Then, she snatched my headphones. Yes, she snatched my headphones and said I don’t respect elders, blah blah.
It was my breaking point. I shouted at her, that if she kept troubling me I would call the cops. The conductor also came and asked her to apologize or she will be escorted out of the bus. Her mouth was hanging open and she said sorry in a very low voice and gave me my headphones back.”
Another User Comments:
“When there is conflict it is normal to second guess yourself (no one tells me if this isn’t true), but it sounds like you could do with practicing shutting that down. She was awful to you. You weren’t preventing anyone from sitting.
The conductor shut her down. NTJ.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bus driver is the captain of the ship so to speak. You were considerate enough to ask his permission before keeping your bags with you. And he blessed your actions with the understanding that you’d move the bags if the seats were needed. Since the seats were not needed, you have every right to do what the driver already permitted you to do.” fluffytheorc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your actions did not inconvenience anyone and you were prepared to stand beside your bags to accommodate your anxiety if that changed. Furthermore, you went above and beyond to clear your actions with the driver. You handled the situation very maturely.” kdankkk
12. AITJ For Not Defending My Daughter's Right To Be Valedictorian?
“My daughter’s school did not choose her to be valedictorian for graduation and she is still upset about it. Her high school normally goes with the highest grade point average but it can be between the top 5 students if one demonstrates high academic achievement like winning a competition.
My daughter was the leader of and won a national robotics competition and being the top 1-2 students she was sure she would get valedictorian. But the school broke away from its criteria by choosing a girl who had been in a car crash caused by a hit-and-run driver.
The girl wasn’t badly injured but her mom died from the accident and she went on to finish the year with good grades. She wasn’t in the top 5 students and only took 1 AP class where as most previous valedictorians came from the IB or full AP course load.
My son was valedictorian 4 years prior and also did full IB. So my daughter was really angry when she found out because she felt like it was unfair and also thought it was racist. After all, kids and parents had been complaining only Asian students ever got the award.
According to her the last 8 years it was always an Asian who had won and while my daughter is half Asian (so is my son) the school was trying to find a non-Asian to appease the families. She said she would have been ok with the other 5 top students winning but to give it to someone with just above average grades when the criteria were about academics made her feel like she and the other 5 (which according to her were all Asians) were discriminated against.
I don’t know if this is true and I understand why it’s unfair and even agree with it to an extent. But the girl lost her mother and still finished the year with good grades and that should be recognized.
Also, the valedictorian had been made public and if my daughter tried to get it overturned it would make her look like a sore loser.
I explained all this to her and told her she was going to MIT already with a partial scholarship and everyone knew she was smart so she needed to accept sometimes unfair things happen. She was extremely angry at me for not going to the principal about this and my wife was also angry because she felt like the school discriminated against our daughter.
She is now in her first semester at MIT and while she likes it she says most people in her classes were valedictorians in their high schools and she feels like she was robbed when she worked so hard. I thought she would forget it but she seems to still be angry about it and not as close to me as before.
AITJ for not talking to her school about this when I could?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Except the school. I don’t love the power they have to arbitrarily award something like valedictorian, which I always thought was based strictly on GPA, to someone who wasn’t in the running.
Your daughter has every right to be upset, but what can you do? Sure, you could argue for her, but you’d be painted as biased, and if it had already been announced, they wouldn’t have changed it anyway. I just don’t see what you could reasonably have done.” CuriousPut818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As unfortunate as that is, and despite how much she does deserve to be valedictorian, I think it’s an important lesson in how life can be unfair, and how you have to learn to cope with it. I agree that I think it would make things worse if you and your wife had fought the school about it.
It seems like a world-ending injustice to her now, but she will move on eventually. It just might take a while.” cmacc27
Another User Comments:
“Darn. Your kid’s school sucks. Your daughter has every right to be furious. She worked hard and earned the top spot at her high school.
I’m truly sorry for the girl who was in the accident, but making her the false valedictorian doesn’t bring her mom back. They could have honored her 1,000 different ways but instead stole something that your daughter earned. The only jerk is the person who made that decision.
You’d have just made a huge mess and embarrassed the girl who got it.” One-Confidence-6858
11. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Stop Kicking Their Ball Against My Fence And Climbing Over It?
“Every day my neighbor’s kid kicks his ball against my fence, I ask them every time politely, “Please do not kick your ball directly against or at my fence, I’m fine with you playing and screaming.
Please do not purposely kick your ball at my fence.” I also let them know that I do not want them to climb or enter my yard without permission, if their ball does go over the fence knock gently on the window and I will gladly get their ball for them.”
My fence is a black metal fence with gaps between each pole with arrowheads on top (I rent the property so I do not have the authority to modify or change the fence). The gaps make it easier for their mini-soccer ball to go through.
I do not want them to climb the fence and get hurt I have seen it happen already in my other neighbor’s yard. When a kid was playing late night (9 pm-11 pm) catch with a football he tried to climb the fence the football went over he slipped and his leg got cut by the arrowhead points on the top of the fence.
My neighbor has the same fence as mine.
I had another incident before where the same people were playing late at night their ball went over my fence instead of knocking on my window so I could get their ball they jumped my fence. I heard a noise of something being dragged so I went out to check what was going on they had dragged a patio chair from the deck to the fence 30 feet and were using it to climb back over the fence.
In doing so they broke the chair, all the kid had to say when I caught him in the act was “It was already broken,” his dad who was playing catch with him played dumb and said; “if he says it was already broken, then it was already broken.” The chair was brand new and I only had it for a week.
I’m not trying to be a mean neighbor to them, but I have had property damage, and have witnessed a kid get seriously hurt before. I want to avoid it happening again, but despite asking politely every time, they do it again the next day.
They are different neighbors than the ones who got hurt and damaged my property before. Those neighbors later got evicted and the new neighbors that moved in are the ones kicking their ball directly against my fence. They do not have their own fenced yard but do have a small yard.
They also like to have guests all the time, which is fine, but not when they have them park their cars every time right against the opening of my fence. So sometimes I cannot even leave my home since it blocks the only entrance/exit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would suggest you get cameras to cover your backyard inside the yard etc. So if they do something stupid like the other neighbor did and break something you have video proof of it. I hate to say that’s where this world has come to where you have to have a video of them doing the nonsense for them to fix the nonsense but that’s where we’re at” Future-Nebula74656
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but are you asking the children not to kick the ball or are you addressing it with the parents? If you are just asking the kids you should talk to the parents and bring up being blocked in as well. There are ordinances against that sort of thing.” -JTO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but can you call a tow truck the next time you are blocked in? You have already asked them nicely. I mean the fence sounds dangerous and they haven’t tried to stop the kid from climbing over it. I would try to contact the landlord about the issues and maybe he can sort it out because he could be held liable for the kid being injured on his property.” Due-Cupcake6748
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sign A Leaving Card For A Coworker Who Criticized Me?
“I (20f) started a new job a month and a half ago. I am still learning a lot as I am working with completely new systems and protocols.
My shift is from 8 am-4 pm with half an hour unpaid lunch, Monday- Friday.
My coworker (around 50-60f we’ll call her Louise) works part-time but on days that she’s here we’re scheduled to finish at the same time.
I usually start to get ready to leave 3 minutes before 4, which includes clearing my desk for tomorrow, logging out of my computer, and collecting my things, before leaving at 4.
Today I was a few seconds early and was ready to go when Louise stopped me and said, “You’re leaving early, you’re paid to work until four but you’re always packing up 3-4 minutes before, it’s as if you hate being here.” This took me by surprise and I thought she was joking because all day I heard her complain about everything, significant or not, and maybe this was some kind of sarcasm but she seemed genuinely annoyed with me.
I’m not very confrontational, especially when I’m new and I’d rather not get in trouble so early so I said, “That’s not the case at all, I just want to leave on time because if I’m a minute late, I miss my bus (which lengthens my already one hour journey by half an hour).”
She tells me, “That’s your reason? I’m a temp staff but I still work overtime even though I’m not paid, but you’re just itching to go. It’s telling of how much you like it here.”
I kind of just stood there waiting for if there was any more she wanted to say, “But I don’t care, I’m leaving next week so do whatever you want.” She carries on passive-aggressively.
I ended up just leaving after that, it upset me because I was trying my best despite not being familiar with anything, already felt like an outsider because of other treatments, she would only ever talk to me if I made a mistake she wanted to point out or making me aware of work I already knew about.
If she had the time to notice when I left, I would have also hoped she’d notice that I work through lunches, sometimes not eating at all to make sure my work for the day is done and to cut me some slack considering she takes 5-10 minute leisurely walks which has nothing to do with her work, or makes tea multiple times which takes time away but I wouldn’t dare bring up because who cares?
Plus she’s LEAVING.
I honestly want nothing to do with her anymore, (maybe a ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ considering she’d go around telling people how rude I am otherwise for ignoring her) but a card is being passed around to give to her on her last day and since we work in the same office, I’m expected to sign and write a nice note, but nothing nice seems to come into mind.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t sign her leaving card after that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but for your own sake, I encourage you to sign it. “Best of luck to you, [your name]” is enough. I’ve been in a similar position to you before twice, and at the job where I just generically signed it, people liked me a lot better.
Certain office social norms don’t make any sense and require a lack of regard for sincerity, like wishing people you don’t know well a happy birthday or congratulations on a baby when everyone else is, but you just do them. The way I’ve come to understand it, refusal is seen as suspicious, and a few generic words once or twice a month is a small price to pay to be treated positively, or at least neutrally, by my coworkers.” rya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be careful. Work is where you don’t want to make enemies, no matter how much you don’t like the people you work with. It’s a smaller world than you think. I’d sign the card, but nothing gushy. It’s not just her impression of you (which you don’t care about), but other’s impression of you.
Being a team player is important, so don’t make waves. It can come back to bite you in the butt.” Aggressive-Coconut0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When my husband was terminally ill, I was sitting at my work desk just doing my job when this couple, let’s call them Jim and Shirley (volunteers at my place of employment), approached me to say they had heard that my husband was ill and to ask how he was doing.
I told them that he had been given less than three months to live. Shirley then said, “All you need to do is pray and he will be miraculously cured.” I explained that I am an atheist. She then began getting rather loud (I work in a library and this happened on the floor, at my point of service desk) saying that I might as well end myself because, without god, I am a waste of air, water, and space…she just kept repeating it over and over and over until I got up and went into my shared off-the-floor office where they could not follow.
Several months later (three months after my husband died), Jim had a massive heart attack. He lingered in the CCU for several days before dying. The library sent a sympathy card around for us all to sign. I wanted to write, “Dear Shirley, maybe you should have prayed harder,” but I was able to not give in to temptation and just sent the card on without signing it.
So, you are under no obligation to sign that stupid card.” SaharaDesertSands
9. AITJ For Choosing College Over Caring For My Sick Mom?
“I know what the title says but let me explain myself. I freshly turned 20 female and have been trying to go back to college from had a rocky start from starting at community college to transferring to a college I knew nothing about just to play basketball for them and that led to just a horrible first year all around for context my mom has always wanted me to play college ball that’s why I went.
But the problem is that my mom might be sick again for context during my freshman year of high school my mom went through numerous surgeries from having a tumor in her stomach and almost dying because the doctors cut something they weren’t supposed to then her having a brain tumor my sophomore year and a major health crisis hitting during this whole time the only people taking care of my mom was me at the time 14 yo female and my grandma.
My three older brothers where nowhere to be found when there needed most them being 20,22 and 28 yo male so called “men” taking care of my mom consisted of changing her catheter and the bag, washing her, feeding her, make sure she taking the right pills all while going to high school everyday and taking care of my 4yo sister at the time while I’m writing this a realizing their ages at the time compared to mine is so infuriating because why was I a child taking care of my mother like that with no help other than my grandma who also should have been in the bed somewhere and they wanna be called men so bad so fast forward to now I’m getting ready to go to a community college in Greensboro while my partner goes to A&T I will be three hours away from my mom and yes I do plan to come home on the weekends but it’s not enough if she has to have surgery she needs someone there everyday I try to have a sit down with all three of my brothers and just like of them to do just blow it off I told them it was important so I call my my second oldest brother (26yo) that phone call just made me more mad he wouldn’t let me speak and just gave me the whole speech about him being a man and having to work so I don’t bother wasting my breath with my other brothers.
I’m stressing over this so much because it’s like they just don’t care if our mom dies I have already told my mom if I choose to go and something happens because they don’t care I’m cutting them off from me I will forgive them eventually because that’s what god would have me do but as far as talking to them never going to happen I’m not looking for guidance I just wanted to rant and ask AITJ for going to college instead of taking care of my mom”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done so much for your mom, but you still have your own life to live. It’s not fair to put so much of the responsibility of caring for her on you. Your mom, if she hasn’t already done so, should see if her insurance will cover having a carer come to the home to help her.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your mother will need help after surgery she will have to hire an at-home nurse or go to a convalescent home. She should have never expected this level of nursing care from any of her children. Look into area programs and help available for your mother.
At this point, you don’t know what she needs but with a college education you will be better equipped to help her.” dncrmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to take care of your mom. If someone doesn’t volunteer then she needs to pay for help from a professional. You putting your life on hold or throwing it away is a bad option, you are allowed to go live your life.
If the actions your brothers take cause you to cut contact that’s OK too.” SingularityMechanics
8. AITJ For Changing Baby Shower Plans After Family Ignored My Date Request?
“I (F28) am currently 7 months pregnant, expecting my first child with my husband (M32). We have been married for a year, and together for 5.5 years.
I’ve always strived to have a great relationship with his family, he is the youngest sibling with two older sisters, let’s call them Ally (F36), and Carli (F39). Ally had a baby a few years ago and we have been bonding over baby life which is great.
Carli was a bit cold towards me when I first started seeing my husband but has warmed up to me in the last few years.
When we announced our pregnancy to his family, MIL immediately offered to help host the baby shower with Carli. I thanked them profusely.
A few months passed, and I was about 6 months pregnant and figured it was time to start planning the shower. I invited Carli to lunch for a planning session. I told her that we were moving on a certain date and didn’t want the shower before that date because I wanted to get through the move first. She agreed and then told me she had to get surgery done on her fertility.
She told me her husband and she had been trying and miscarrying multiple times. I offered my condolences and internally worried that the shower might be too sensitive a subject for her with her losses. But she agreed to go forward with the planning of the shower, but couldn’t nail down a date due to her surgery.
I understood.
Fast forward a few weeks, my MIL reached out to me and told me Carli could no longer host the shower, they had ordered invites and set a date (before my move) at a local steakhouse restaurant. I was very upset that they didn’t communicate the change of plans with me before ordering the invites and making these plans, so I asked her to please not send those invites, I would make a plan B.
I contacted my dad, and he & my stepmother offered to host the baby shower instead. We set a date for November. I then reached out to my MIL and Carli and thanked them for the hard work they had put in and offered my stepmom contact info if they still wanted to be involved. My MIL skirted the text completely by saying that she needed to care for Carli during her healing period.
And Carli responded by saying how she didn’t think it was cool that they put money & time into the shower and how it didn’t work out. She called the $80 spent on invites our gift and she wouldn’t be attending. I called my husband crying and he called Carli to see what was going on.
Carli said she “needed a few days to cool off” and she would reach out to me and make amends. I haven’t heard from her in over a month. AITJ for switching baby shower plans?”
Another User Comments:
“You told her one flipping requirement. NO DATE BEFORE MOVE.
So then she ordered invites for a date before moving. This is totally on her NOT you. Plus she already said she wasn’t hosting it. So invites for a party she isn’t hosting for a date you won’t attend. I don’t know what her issue is, don’t care–YOU ARE NTJ And I don’t think she warmed up to you, she just got better at hiding her dislike since you became actual “family”(time of engagement???
move-in????)” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“She was generally cool towards me, but hosted my bridal shower at her house, which was lovely, and even did a reading at our wedding. We were never close but the relationship seemed to be warming up and it’s a bummer that the goodwill seems to be gone now.” katiebug413
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I don’t think you’re a jerk, but it doesn’t sound like Carli is either. It sounds like your move and her surgery conflict and it doesn’t work for them to host after your move. Plan B seems like the best option, but I can see Carli being frustrated that she was voluntold that she’d host, putting time and effort into plans, and then being kicked out.” SpeechIll6025
7. AITJ For Shouting At My Partner And Her Sister During An Argument?
“This year, I (31M) and my partner (27) have been spending some time living in a couple of different places to see where we want to settle down. We’ve been lucky that both our parents had free houses we could stay in for a couple of months in two of the places we wanted to test living.
Since we agreed with my partner’s parents that we could stay in their house, my partner’s sister moved in. This was fine as it was only for 2 months. However, a week before we moved in, she phoned my partner stating the house was hers and that we needed to understand we were guests for the 2 months.
My partner didn’t take kindly to this comment, but we agreed to make it work.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my partner’s sister took offense at something we did but refused to tell us. The way she copes is that she locks herself in her bedroom and doesn’t come out, except to grab food or use the bathroom.
After a week of this, she finally comes out and when she sees my partner is taking a call in the kitchen, slams the kitchen door. Once my partner was off the call, she tried to speak to her about it and it turned into a childish argument about who could shout the loudest.
At this point, I have to drop from my work call because all I can hear is them arguing. I came downstairs to ask them to stop, to get my voice heard I also had to shout. My partner’s sister took real offense to this as she said it’s not my house and that I’m a guest so not my place to get involved. I explained I had to drop from a call for work because of this and she didn’t care.
Later that day, I apologized to try to end the situation and she accepted and also apologized.
Last night it came to a head as their dad wanted to clear the air between them so we could move forward (I wasn’t permitted into this conversation).
My partner and I’s opinion on the situation was that we had moved on and that apologies had been accepted. However, my partner’s sister hasn’t. She argues that since we moved in she has felt uncomfortable with having a male in the house and that she is now scared because of me shouting to be in the same room as me.
The conversation came to an end where it’s been implied that my partner and I need to leave this weekend because we have each other and both have jobs (Sister left a stable job for no reason) even if it does cost thousands of pounds to get a temporary flat to live in.
That being said, AITJ for shouting at my partner and her sister to stop screaming at each other?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. From how it sounds, your partner and her sister didn’t communicate properly, behaved poorly and a simple matter got blown out of proportion.
You interjected yourself in a sibling dispute (a big no-no, that never ends well for the outsider), by getting loud and, at least in your partner’s sister’s eyes, aggressive. Your partner’s parents were extending you and her kindness by allowing you to stay at a house they own.
They also extended that same kindness to her sister. Her sister has a right to feel uncomfortable living with a stranger but she did handle it poorly by not communicating her discomfort and calmly discussing a solution. Her parents choose to revoke your invitation due to your actions, not for financial reasons.
You’ve all made your choices in how you reacted to the situation, so now you have to own it.” Tootsie-Shadow
6. AITJ For Being Angry That My Half-Sister Used My Dad's Ashes For Social Media Content?
“I was overruled because my mom is next of kin and my brother paid for a large portion of the funeral. I was told that we were doing what my mom wanted. But that’s not the point of this thread.
I am a 44 year old female who has been raised in a blended family. My dad married my mom (his second marriage and her third) I know everyone with a great dad says they have the best father in the world, but mine truly was.
Now, as families sometimes go, it has not been sunshine and rainbows and several of the siblings do not interact. We live our lives separately and do not even speak on holidays. It’s fair to say there is more than a little dysfunction in my family.
That being said, it was not really an issue until my dad passed away suddenly in November of 2021.
My dad’s final wish was to be cremated and his ashes to be spread in his hometown. My mother was against this because she wanted to be laid to rest next to him when her time comes and is bound by the Catholic church which does not allow the ashes to be spread.
It was a hard decision to make because I really wanted to honor my dad’s wishes and my brother, a devout Catholic wanted to follow the church guidelines. It took a little while but ultimately, we decided that my dad would be laid to rest in a cemetery near his hometown and my mom’s.
We did the Catholic mass here in the state and then had his burial in our home state. My older, half-sister (who is not his biological child and was not close with my father later in life) drove my mom’s car cross-country and was asked to transport his ashes as well.
The gravesite burial took place and I was under the impression that my father was laid to rest with love and prayers.
Fast forward to a month ago. I saw social media posts from my sister showing she placed googly eyes and those big nose disguise glasses on my dad’s box containing his ashes and posted how she waited to keep it a surprise that she went to my dad’s favorite sports team stadium and spread his ashes on her own.
She kept it a secret and revealed it on social media using my dad’s ashes as a prop.
I am not ok with what happened I feel we laid my father to rest with deceit and lies. The worst part is that we didn’t honor his wishes and there is nothing we can do to fix this.
My mother said I’m overreacting. Other people said it happened a year ago and there’s nothing I can do about it so just get over it. I just feel like I’m the only one that cares. Am I the jerk for being angry and hurt and overall just devastated that my sibling, who was not his biological daughter, took it upon herself to make a decision with my dad’s ashes without consulting the rest of the family and then lying about it and making it into content for likes on social media?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – His wishes were not honored by anyone. I don’t think it’s right that your mom and brother’s religious beliefs motivated them to override what he actually wanted, but your half-sister is definitely the biggest jerk in this story for just stealing his ashes and taking away the final goodbye he should’ve had with his *actual* family.
You OP are definitely the better of everyone involved because you at least wanted to try and honor his wishes, but again, the compromise you agreed to isn’t the actual request your dad asked for.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. She at least got closer to what the man wanted than what you tried to do.
He wanted his ashes spread in his hometown and instead got them spread where his favorite team plays. Better that than to be stuck in the ground where he did not want to be. At least your half-sister got the spirit that your dad was going for.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but I’m not sure why it matters since you’re never going to speak to her again and what’s done is done. She was MASSIVELY disrespectful to her siblings. On the other hand, you didn’t respect your father’s wishes either.
Take your mother’s advice. Your step-sister is a jerk, but you’re going to have to get over it. Get some help if you need to.” Ok-Profession-9372
5. AITJ For Wanting My Name On The House My Partner Is Buying With His Parents' Help?
“My partner (30M) and I (31F) have been together for two years.
We’re going through rough patches and couples therapy trying to work on communication that hasn’t gotten better.
My partner has been focused on getting a house with his parents so we can have a house for our future.
They are giving him a LOT of money to put toward a house. I have money I want to put toward the house but he told me it isn’t a lot (30k) or enough for a down payment.
I haven’t been involved in the process because his parents only speak Chinese and they have to use a Chinese realtor in my area.
My partner usually gives me some type of summary of the conversations after we leave as translating in real time is too hard for him. He can’t multi-task. So I’m usually with them and have no idea what’s going on.
On top of that, he says he can’t put my name on the house because I have 20k student loan debt and it affects our approval. And because it’s a premature asset, he doesn’t want my name on it till we’re married, which would be soon since we’re getting engaged soon.
But the house is for us as a married couple to live in. He also said he couldn’t add my name to the deed after we were married because he would have to refinance the house. He claims this is what everyone has told him and he has done his research.
Last night, I told him I was extremely hurt that I hadn’t been involved in the process of finding us a home. He has shown me three houses but has gotten mad when he asked me if I liked it and I said things I don’t like – such as having no yard for my dog, which came before him.
This isn’t how I pictured finding a house with a future husband. I wanted to be involved. Stress about stuff together. Find things we like and don’t like. Enjoy it and have fun. But he has been the one doing it all with his parents.
I just want an equal partnership. I want a best friend who will ask me things and not get mad. I want someone who will be excited about things with me. Not someone who tells me to stop crying because I’m sharing my feelings and he can’t talk to me like that.
I have communicated that I might not move into the house until we’re married. So he is aware of that. But he also can’t afford the house without me. He has to sign for a house he found by Nov. 30.
Maybe I’m the one being the jerk by wanting my name on the house and being an equal partner in the relationship.
He just claims he is doing the logical thing for our relationship and our future. He wants to be the one to provide for us since I (55k) make less than him (75k).
So… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Girl, RUN! There are so many red flags in this post it isn’t even funny.
1) You should not even be considering giving one cent of your down payment money towards a house where your name isn’t on the deed. Not one cent. 2) You should be picking out the house. This nonsense about him and the realtor picking it out and having nothing you want… why are you even with this jerk?
3) You state you are in therapy and nothing is getting better. Why are you moving forward with HUGE steps like buying a house with YOUR money that isn’t even in your name or MARRYING this guy? You should be taking steps backward if this guy isn’t showing you he wants to make the relationship better.
**I would take my money and my dog and tell this guy that it isn’t working. Don’t make the huge mistake of giving over your savings to buy someone else a house!**” Competitive_Okra_324
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know about the financials of buying a house and having student debt, but I do know red flags when I see them.
Frankly, I would not put my name on a house with a partner with whom I am in couples therapy. And if my parents were the ones mostly funding the purchase of this house, I wouldn’t want my partner, whom I am in couples therapy with, on the title and I doubt the parents do either.
This is a disaster in waiting. I am torn between everyone’s a jerk and YTJ. Edit: OK so NTJ if he is going to accept your $30k and then NOT put your name on it. What the actual jerk?” SnooOranges9679
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know what to judge here, but a few thoughts: 1.
His parents are buying him a house. Think of it that way and discuss what your rent/contribution will be when you move in, not how it can also belong to you. 2. If you say yes to his proposal, be ready for a very thorough prenup if you haven’t already seen that coming a mile away.
3. Not letting you participate in the selection of the house that you are both expected to live in, regardless of who’s funding it, is NOT a thing that an actual life partner does. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about 1 & 2 because I’d be looking for my housing separately.” Illustrious-Shirt569
4. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Roommate's Partner Who Overstayed Her Welcome?
“I let an old high school friend’s partner move in with my OG roommate and me. I don’t consider myself super close with her at any point since she’s always forced her way into my life, but we let him live with us under the condition that he would eventually move to Texas and move in with her.
Fast forward a few months, and she asks to visit for two months. She already has tickets and her partner never said anything. It’s a bit sudden but we said okay.
Then when she gets here, she tells me she terminated her lease in Texas and quit her job.
She says she is still here for two months, possibly longer. At this point, I’m mixed with feelings because I was happy to see her, but now it feels like she’s taking advantage of us. The more time she’s here, she doesn’t do chores, she doesn’t pay extra rent, yells at my OG roommate, and when I was gone at work, locked my cat in my room as “kitty jail”.
Another time she lost my cat outside all night and didn’t tell me until I was almost home from work.
The point is, she’s awful to live with. Then, I lived away for work reasons for a few months and decided to deal with it when I came back.
When I come back, they take over half the fridge space and ignore me. When I set a roommate meeting, they admitted to not doing chores and using their toilet paper despite the shared toiletries they use and agreed to help pay for them. When I asked what’s their plan to leave, she told me that her mom died and that the earliest she can leave was December 1st.
One- I’m sorry her mom died. But I hate how she tells me when I ask her about moving out. This isn’t the first time either. I asked everyone in the house to keep their areas clean because the neighbors are infected with bugs, so our apartment can get them.
She responds with the fact she’s been in the hospital. Once again, I felt bad for her, but that had nothing to do with what I said. It feels like she’s doing it on purpose so it makes me hesitate to ask her to take responsibility since she’s going through a hard time.
I feel like I’m growing resentful to the point I’m losing basic sympathy for her. I don’t want to help anymore or have anything to do with the friendship.
I have a coworker who seems like a better fit, so I want to tell my roommate and his partner to leave on January 1st. It’s more than 60 days’ notice and the original two-month visitation will turn into 7 months by then.
I thought of asking them to leave, but I don’t want either her or her bf here anymore. AITJ? Do I have to wait to tell them to leave at a later date?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in, there are rules to renting, one of them is guest durations, you can’t just move in someone who isn’t on the lease as at least an occupant.
Good guests don’t overstay and good friends are always good guests. You are giving 60 days when you don’t have to for a tenant who broke the terms of their lease. This doesn’t make you a jerk, but it’s always a bad idea to rent with friends, it’s the fastest way to turn a friend into an enemy.” Upstairs-Waltz-3611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re giving her plenty of notice and she has long since outstayed the original agreement. Just make sure you give her that notice in writing so she can’t turn around and claim that you never told her. She’s been there long enough to claim tenancy, so make sure you do things by the book.” angelcat00
Another User Comments:
“it’s understandable why you wouldn’t wanna live with them and I wouldn’t either, but you need to give them a reasonable amount of time to be able to leave as they are residents in the space whether you own it or not, and especially if you don’t own it, you should be talking to your landlord about the situation” x_a_man_duh_x
3. AITJ For Attending Only One Party Of A Divorced Friend's Kid Due To My Kid's Illness?
“Friends of ours (43M/40F) [the husbands have been buddies for 20 years] recently split up and it was quite ugly.
We inevitably heard of some of the details but chose to remain diplomatic and stayed out of the drama. Our son and their daughter are the same age (toddler) and both of the parents planned a birthday party for their daughter on the same weekend, which was already inconvenient for us but we fully planned to attend both for the sake of our kids being able to play and have fun.
Never in our minds was it about “sides” or supporting one parent over the other. We went out of our way to get two gifts and adjust our weekend plans to accommodate the birthday plans. Fine on our end. Party 1 on Saturday (the mom’s) went fine, but photos were posted to social media.
We didn’t think anything of it. Sunday comes along, the day of party 2. Our toddler is coughing, whining, sniffling. We decided to opt out of the Dad’s party, even though we wanted to go and were sorry to miss out. We politely explained and said we’d drop the gift off at a later date.
The next day, the father contacted my husband essentially ending their 20-year friendship, calling us traitors, that we betrayed him, his family had been let down by us… we made poor choices, we will have consequences, we support the ex and not him, all sorts of unhealthy weird enigmatic accusations.
This was over text (ya, I know right), and my husband called him to try and work it out and it got heated. The other dad already has his mind made up that we are bad friends and bad people.
The thing is, we have a lot of mutual friends, and my hubby is close with Angry Other Dad’s family (a lot of history obviously), all of whom were at party 2, and I guess our being absent was a big topic there.
Especially with it being on social media that we attended the mom’s party. Believe me, I feel and see how cringey and bizarre this all is. Last time I checked, I was an adult taking my child to another child’s party, nothing more.
Every year we all rent a cottage together and now that tradition will be ruined since the Angry Dad organizes it and now we are on the dislike list. Likely won’t be invited now. This is the biggest annoyance for me.
Angry Other Dad also said that my husband was feeling fine Sunday, so he should have gone to the 2nd party to “show support”.
Like, come on here.
Are we in the wrong here? Should we have declined both party invites? We felt we were the only cool friends who were going to attend both of the children’s parties because we were trying to be neutral and kind to everyone.
Being attacked and accused of betrayal is troubling. How do we handle this?”
Another User Comments:
“I should mention that AOD has an extreme dislike for his ex, there was no unfaithfulness, just very incompatible people who couldn’t co-parent and inevitably split up (long overdue)… but when they did, he tried to make her look like the villain, even though she never did anything truly horrible.
He wanted to seem like a hero dad and was happy to see her “circle the drain” / wanted her to fail. She never badmouthed him, even when she had reason to. He also thought that everyone at Party 1 would be bad talking him (paranoid) as no one even mentioned him nor did they want to.” necro_omelette512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband should tell Angry Other Dad that he’ll be there when he’s ready to move past this. You understand he’s angry and how it looks but your child was sick and you opted not to spread this illness at the birthday party.
You’re all disappointed but there was no malicious intent. As an adult modeling behavior for toddlers, he needs to think about how he processes disappointment!” Esmer_Tina
Another User Comments:
“You say your husbands were friends for 20 years. Were you both particularly close to this friend’s ex-wife as well?
It seems like he expected more loyalty from you during his divorce, rather than neutrality. Especially given the bad breakup. There may be a need for him to avoid mutual friends for the time being. More info is needed on why you want to maintain a relationship with his wife.
Just thinking if my bestie was going through a bad divorce there is no way I would be going to a celebration at her ex’s house.” Mundane-State-7306
(Remember, this man is having a tanty because someone else's small child was too ill to attend his party - he'd be fine with tht kid having a rotten time and possibly infecting other kids as long as he could be seen to have 'kept' more friends than his ex.)
2. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Help More With Our House Hunting And Daily Chores?
“I (26f) do the paperwork, quoting, and monitor all emails for the construction company my (40m) partner owns, I also just started on with a company doing my dream job. For a little bit of context, the pay for the job I just started isn’t amazing, $175 a day, but I love the work.
My partner technically pays me $30 an hour, this being said I have only received remittance for purchases he has made on my cards and paid for 30 hours for the last two months when I work at a minimum of 2 hours a day even since I started my new job.
I do appreciate the high hourly wage and understand that most people are not offered this, but I have been consistently underpaid and “nickel and dimed” by him this summer. This includes losing $1200 on one pay for not noticing that he had booked an Airbnb for the wrong dates.
While this has been happening, he has spent $180000 on toys like vehicles this summer.
So I have been working my 9-5, doing 2+ hours of work for his company a day, tidying the house (laundry, dishes, putting away the clothes he leaves around, putting away garbage left out, etc), trying to get in auditions for a few well-paying films, maybe work out if possible, and trying to take a few classes.
It is getting close to the end of the busy season for his company. Over the last 3 weeks, he has worked 4 days total and spends most days on his phone, playing video games, or watching movies.
We are hoping to move out of our overpriced apartment, and I have been trying to find us a new place in my spare time.
This morning, he said I need to be more on the ball, new places are on the market marketplace. He then said, “I am way too busy to deal with it, if necessary I can take some time away from the hour or so I get to play games in a day.” His current video games time is approximately 6 hours a day then usually 3 or 4 movies on top of that.
I let that go for a while but then tried to bring up how that made me feel like he doesn’t think my time is as valuable. He then proceeded to call me selfish, said he pays me too well for what I do, and said that my time doesn’t have as much value as his.
He then got upset at me saying maybe he could take some time off of video games and help because I am very busy. He then pointed out that I couldn’t be too busy if I went to visit my mom and spent an hour playing or just dancing when I couldn’t sleep last night.
Am I being selfish and ungrateful? Am I the jerk? Am I just very bad at prioritizing things? I’ve been on the verge of tears for about 2 hours now and I just feel like maybe I am wasting too much time, I usually spend like 30 minutes on social media a day and I am trying to fit exercise and acting classes into a busy schedule.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so confused … do you want to move? Just charge him for the time you spend looking for a house. People can pick up the phone & call a realtor. They can do all the legwork & find a house that fits for you.
This seems like an easy problem to solve. Regardless of that … your partner is clearly not interested in participating in this relationship so what exactly are you getting out of it? NTJ” Alarming_Reply_6286
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he is! He doesn’t overpay you, he’s not paying you at all!
Yet he does somehow hold the agreed hourly rate against you. And even worse, he lets you pay for his mistakes! Can’t you see how outrageous that is? And then he blames you for being lazy, in between playing games and watching movies? I urge you to go house hunting for yourself.
You deserve so much better!” DJfromNL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This does not sound like a sustainable way for you to live with how much you have going on. So hopefully this crazy time of your life either ends soon (with something getting off your plate), or you can find a way to re-prioritize things putting yourself first. What I usually see is that if people don’t do this quickly enough, their bodies will do it for them by getting sick or forcing them to rest somehow.
Also, it seems like there are some major red flags with this guy.” victorious-
1. AITJ For Telling My Mother To Leave My House To Protect My Sibling?
“I 35 (f) have lived on my own since I was 18 years old. My mother started counting down the years to my 18th birthday when I turned 10 years old. Many many many things happened between the ages of 10- 18 that made our relationship very strained. Most of which she dealt with by looking through me and refusing to speak to me for days and weeks at a time.
On my 18th birthday, she called me and told me to come get my things, after I had only ever lived with her to save money while planning to go back to school ( 5 months) and always while paying rent to her.
Fast forward 17 years later I found a large house for her and my sibling to move in with me in the city I live in.
My younger sibling (19 F) is an artist and going to language classes while working on their portfolio for university admission. My Mother has recently found a reason to treat them very much like how she treated me and I was asked to stay out of it, which I respected because my sibling and I are very different and I had hoped that my mother would treat them more kindly communicate differently (they are very much alike).
My being there was causing conflict so I spent most of my time at my partner’s house down the street from my address (lease is in my name). A few days ago my mother texted me saying that she “suggested my sibling move in with my partner and me and she trusts that I will be willing to have her come live with me”.
THE CAUSE: My sibling didn’t answer a text message and/or phone call in under 9 mins and our mother banned her from using the kitchen spices without permission (yes, this is about misplaced cinnamon), and so then, for pointing out that to cook dinner daily they (my sibling) would have to ask for permission to use everything in the kitchen (her responsibility is to cook dinner), my mother tried to kick her out of MY house.
I am furious and triggered.
The house my mother lives in is in my name, it is a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house where she is living in the fully complete basement. She pays half of the rent, however I lived there by myself before they moved in and paid the rent all on my own.
In response I told her “You can move back home ( to where we are from) and she was not allowed to kick my sibling out of my house” …. She made a point that she would leave MY house where she pays rent.
We had no formal lease agreement.
Her name is not on my lease agreement. I am furious due to dealing with the same thing as my sister’s age with much fewer resources and only 1 friend willing to take me in.
Am I the jerk for telling my mother to leave my house to protect my sibling’s mental and emotional health?
I think I am the jerk because she does pay half the rent and I did text her on her birthday asking when she would be leaving, the same as she did to me on my 18th birthday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you will probably need to go about this legally, as she will likely refuse to leave unless legally forced to do so.
You may have to evict her. In some places, this can only be done after a formal notice period and has to be done in a particular way, so you’d need to get your legal ducks in a row. In other places, the fact that you live in the home yourself makes it much easier to kick her out and you might not have to give a specifically-worded notice.
Even if she doesn’t have a formal sublease with you, she might be considered a subletter by law, or a squatter, or a tenant. It all depends on where you live. So you might need to talk to a lawyer, or at the very least look up guidance on the matter for your specific location.
On the plus side, one thing your mom *definitely* can’t do is kick your sibling out. If she tries, you can make sure she faces legal consequences for that, because you’re the one on the lease. But again, this may require going to a lawyer, as the police might consider it a “civil matter.” AccountMitosis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Despite not having a formal lease agreement your mom has tenant rights and is paying rent; you would have to give her notice to move. It was foolish for you to rent a place thinking you, your mom, and your sister could live together, that was your first mistake.
Leaving when the lease is in your name rather than giving your mother notice to move was your second, that encourages your mom to think she’s in charge. You should give your mother notice to move because this is an untenable position. You know what she’s like and had no reason to believe she’d be more kind to your sister than she was to you; a better solution would’ve been inviting your sister to live with you and not involving your mom.
If you plan to continue living with your partner you need to end the lease on the house and let your mom and sister move along; help your sister find a place with roommates.” Emotional_Bonus_934
