People Lose Control In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Confessions
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook For My Partner's Roommates?
“I (M 21) met my partner (M 24) — let’s call him Aiden — in the parking lot at Planet Fitness. We started as gym buddies, and eventually, we began seeing each other.
4 months into our relationship, Aiden would come over to my apartment and stay over on an irregular but somewhat consistent basis, and I always had a hot meal prepared for him, especially when he’s had a long day at work.
Aiden invited me to his home because he wanted me to meet his close friends, who are also his roommates – we’ll call them Ricky, Miguel and Juan. The rest of the night went smoothly, I met his friends and the girls they had over.
They’re cool dudes, but I’m pretty sure they’re all jerks — funny enough, they all come from wealthy backgrounds, including Aiden.
For the next two weeks, I began visiting Aiden’s home and staying the night regularly. And, of course, I was cooking for him.
One night I was cooking for Aiden, then Ricky and Miguel asked me if I made enough for them, I thought they were joking when they asked me that, so I playfully said “Nah.” I quickly found out they weren’t joking when Ricky said, “Why not?” in a serious tone, and Miguel cosigned it by saying, “Serious.” My response was, “I’m not in a relationship with any of you,” then out of nowhere, Juan chimed in, saying, “Bro, that doesn’t mean anything, Aiden isn’t the only person that lives here.” Ricky told me that if I was going to cook, I had to cook for everybody.
When Aiden came home and got settled in, I told him what happened and he told me that he’ll handle it.
So the next time I cooked for Aiden, I thought there wouldn’t be another issue, I thought wrong. When I came from the kitchen with only one plate, his friends went nuts.
Ricky immediately pounced and said, “So you’re still are going to cook for one person?” I snapped and said, “Bruh, if you want someone to cook for y’all so bad, then why don’t the three of you have all the females that walk through your hallways do it for y’all.” Some hours went by, and they somehow got Aiden to fold because he pleaded with me that the next time, I cooked something to make sure there was enough for his friends to get at least a little bit.
I reluctantly agreed and the next two times I cooked, I made sure it was enough for his friends.
They got really comfortable with me cooking for them, too comfortable for my liking. I was sitting in the living room one day and Ricky was also present.
We sat in silence until Juan and Miguel, but then, out of nowhere, Juan said, “I’m hungry, I haven’t ate all day,” and when I looked up from my phone, they’re all staring at me and Ricky says “Aiden bro, go make us something to eat.” So, in response, I simply got up and left and I texted Aiden and told him from now on, we’re spending time at my place only.
When I told my friends what’s been going on, they sided with Aiden’s friends, saying that I was a stranger in their home and cooking almost every time I was there and not offering anything is disrespectful. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Dump your spineless BF and get better friends. Cooking extra if you’re using BF’s utensils, groceries, kitchen, etc, especially if BF is willing to do the cleanup is one thing. Having the roommates demand you cook them dinner while you’re all chilling on the couch is an entirely different kettle of fish.
Forget that noise!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not cooking for them, but you’re kind of the jerk for making derogatory comments about women? Idk if I’m reading too much into that but it kind of rubbed me up the wrong way. You could’ve just said why don’t you cook for yourselves….” Brookl_yn77
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ: These men have been taking care of their hunger issues before you entered into your relationship with Aiden. Just because you are there, does not make you theirs as well. And Aiden needs to man up in your defense. Him folding is really telling.
You do you, and keep your distance in your own space. You need to put your own sense of comfort first. If going over to their place now makes you uncomfortable…take care of you.” bethmcm1
19. AITJ For Taking My Ex-Bestie And Ex-Coworker To Court After They Stole My Money?
“I (23f) learned my Ex-Bestie (23 now 24) and Ex-Coworker (22) stole funds off my card after they found out I was talking about them behind their backs.
My ex-bestie moved into my and my roommate’s house when her apartment got flooded, while it was being fixed I made sure my roommates were comfortable about having her and her kids at our house until she was able to move back into her apartment.
I got my ex-bestie a job at my workplace and she asked one of my roommates Jessica (24) to babysit she didn’t mind since she worked at home. We don’t have the same schedule, I was off for 2 of the 5 days but she insisted on paying me for also babysitting on those days.
We were to be paid $40 in total, this lasted two weeks as we both refused to babysit after the kids destroyed and/or hid our belongings and she refused to replace or find the items.
Shaelynn had gotten close with Mandy, my ex-coworker and had her younger sister Evaline (16) babysitting the children.
Mandy and I were close but when she met Shaelynn she started acting distant and would avoid me. Eventually I heard rumors that I was bullying Shaelynn and Mandy and only acted nice to get a higher position which was their reason for avoiding me!
A few days later, Jess had gotten texts from Evaline (Mandy and Evaline are her sisters) that Mandy and Shaelynn had talked about how they stole my credit card and used it to purchase a laptop and headphones and how foolish I was to not notice sooner.
I was close to the family and when Evaline noticed Mandy hanging out with Shaelynn instead of me, she started to record their conversations they had of me.
Evaline caught them discussing how they planned to steal my card and how I would never find out and they would move in together without me noticing anything and cut me off!
This was after Shaelynn used my phone claiming hers was out of service because she forgot to pay the bill and needed to call her apartment complex to see what was done so far. She talked about how she was jealous of me and Keaun’s relationship, decided to see if there any messages indicating we were in a relationship because if not, she would have a chance with him.
Instead of that, she found and read my messages I sent to our mutual friend. How I called her and Mandy two-faced jerks for making up the rumor and cutting me out of the group while allowing her children to destroy other people’s belongings.
Shaelynn and Mandy then decided to “become” two-faced jerks and that’s why I would never have true friends because all I do is talk about them behind their backs. Evaline said she would be a witness if needed in court because Shaelynn’s kids had destroyed her prom dress and lost her keys and how Mandy defended Shaelynn instead of getting Shaelynn to pay for it.
I took them to court with everything I had with support from Evaline, Jessica and Keaun. They both end up having to pay around $2,500 in total.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ! Telling the truth about people even if it’s behind their backs is not against the law but stealing IS!
You did the right thing by taking them to court to get your funds back! These people sound like they are absolutely exhausting to be around and you’re better off without them!” Ixpen
18. AITJ For Not Including My Friend's Wife In My Wedding's "Blue Crew"?
“I (27 f) recently got engaged to my partner (29 m) of two years and I couldn’t be happier. He truly is the love of my life and I can’t wait to marry him.
Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I wanted a small bridal party, aka just my two sisters as my matron of honor and bridesmaid.
But I also knew I wanted my close friends to be a part of my day too. That’s why I’m having a “blue crew”. Basically, my close friends are going to be my “something blue” so that way they can be a memorable/important part of the day.
They’re also going to be invited to all of the pre-wedding festivities (engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, etc). I’ve already asked my three best partners with a small gift box that included the shade of blue I would like for them to wear, a beer koozie that’s says “blue crew”, a blue silk robe to get ready in, and a handwritten note just telling them how much I love them and how much their friendship means to me.
Over the weekend, I asked the final two people, my best male friends (let’s call them B and G), to also be in the blue crew. Their boxes included basically the same things except no robe and I gifted them both ties and suspenders to wear on the day of my wedding.
They both happily accepted and that’s when B’s wife (let’s call her ‘J’) asked where her gift box was.
For context, I’ve been friends with B for nearly 5 years and he started seeing J a year into our friendship. J and I were really close for the first two years of their relationship but have since had a falling out.
Basically, she made it clear to me that she wasn’t interested in being “as close” and that I should stop “forcing similarities” between us. All of that took me by surprise but I have since accepted it and moved on. I’m still polite in group settings but we don’t hang out 1×1 like we had done in the past. I was also a part of their wedding as a groomsman.
I told her that I didn’t have one for her and she then said “okay, well what shade of blue should I get my dress in?”
I was taken aback by her question and told her that she doesn’t have to wear blue to the wedding because she wasn’t included in the blue crew.
She just let out an awkward ‘oh’ before going quiet. I realized that my delivery was probably a little harsher than necessary and told her that she’s still invited to the pre-wedding parties and the wedding itself but she just doesn’t have to wear blue.
She shrugged it off in the moment but things were obviously still tense and they left shortly after.
I’ve since received texts from both J and B that I’m being a jerk for only asking B and not including J since they’re married and I was in their wedding.
Both G and my fiancé say that I didn’t do anything wrong and I have the right to include or not include anyone I want since it’s my wedding. But as much as I want to believe them, I can’t help but wonder if I should just include her to avoid any future drama.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you could tell B “if your presence in my bridal party is contingent upon J being in the party then, as much as I would like you to, then you don’t have to be a part of the blue crew.
You’re right I should not have put you in that position, I’m sorry.” If you wanna try and smooth things over without having to buckle to her weird desire to want to be a part of your bridal party. Or you could ask her outright why she wants to be in the blue crew after making it clear she doesn’t want you two to be close.” gretta_smith93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t essentially tell someone to go away and that you don’t want them to “force similarities” to hang out anymore and then still expect to be part of what’s essentially their bridal party, for lack of a better word.
Like if she doesn’t like being forced to hang out with you then fine, now she’s not forced to on your wedding day. She got what she asked for. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too while making you the villain in her story.” VogonShakespeare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One member of a couple being in a bridal party does not necessitate the other member of the couple being in the bridal party. My husband and I have both stood in weddings without the other; in fact, we’ve never stood together except obviously at our own wedding.
She’s the one who disintegrated your former friendship, not you. It’s odd that she wants to be seen as a close friend for an event like a wedding but not for everyday life. You decide who supports you on your big day.” OIWantKenobi
17. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé To Stop Ridiculing My Degree?
“I (20F) and my fiancé (24M) will get married next year in the summer and I’m very much looking forward to this. We have our issues, but then again, which couple doesn’t, right? However, lately, he has been ridiculing my studies and the degree I’m getting.
I’m studying in the Netherlands and he lives in Denmark, so we will close the distance next year after the wedding. I’m currently in my last year of the bachelor’s degree in biomedical sciences. I would argue (but of course I’m biased) that this is a very intensive study and requires a lot of time and effort.
Sometimes when I complain about this, he says that my degree doesn’t matter and that I would be better off quitting anyway. The reason why he says this is because we would like to have a marriage with more traditional gender roles once we are married. So he will earn the money and I will become a SAHM.
I don’t have a problem with this, but I would like to have a degree to fall back on during tough times. Whenever I try to make this argument, he shuts it down immediately and claims that I would be better off just quitting my studies and becoming a housewife already, since once we are married I will never use my degree anyway.
I would not mind working e.g. two times a week, but he is strongly opposed to this as he claims that it would interfere with my tasks and chores in our marriage.
He is currently still in carpentry school, which consists of him having several months of work followed by weeks of school, both of which he gets paid for.
Not only does he dismiss the difficulty of my degree, but he also claims that the work he is doing is much harder. I can’t disagree with him, because physically speaking it is definitely much more intensive, but I would like for him to acknowledge that my degree is also time-consuming and difficult.
Recently he made a joke about what a waste of time it was, me getting my degree when I should be in DK and making him dinner instead, since that would be more fulfilling for both him and me. I know I should not let these harmless jokes get under my skin, but I lashed out at him and told him he needed to stop ridiculing my academic achievements and dismissing all of it so easily, since it might come in handy at some point in the future.
He then quite seriously told me (again) that I shouldn’t take everything so personally and that he was speaking the truth, since I will not use my degree once we are married so it is a waste of time and money. Then somehow he spun it around and told me that I was not appreciative enough of him wanting to provide for me and our future family and that if I wanted to be a ‘girl boss’ I would be free to do so on my own.
So now I’m wondering if I did make a mistake by telling him to stop ridiculing my degree and if I somehow hurt him by appearing ungrateful. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are getting a biomedical degree and he is studying for Carpentry. Now no disrespect to carpenters, my dad was a carpenter.
And my grandpa was a carpenter. But it sounds to me like he’s feeling insecure about your earning potential and how smart you are and he just wants you to stay home, barefoot and pregnant so he can feel superior. Tell him to quit watching so much online toxic male crap.
And if he won’t stop, don’t marry him because it will just get worse.. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is showing you who he is and what he thinks of you. A degree in biomedical sciences is not an easy program.
First of all, do NOT quit your education for anyone, regardless of whether you decide you want to be a SAHW/M after marriage. Think of that education as a safety net. I know too many women who have regretted not completing their degrees and this is even with a happy marriage.
He is expecting that you should simply be fulfilled by staying home and making his dinner. While that may be true for some women, it can also be a terribly misogynistic statement. Having an education and even a career doesn’t make you a “girl boss” and in no way demeans or decreases your future husband’s contributions to the life you build together.
You are obviously not on the same page about your future and he is not respecting you. You need to get this all figured out before you get married.” 3furryboys
16. AITJ For Building A Fence After Disputes With My Neighbors?
“My wife (36F) and I (38M) moved into a nicer neighborhood in a big city suburb, about five years ago, which is now largely retirement age.
There are four adjacent properties to mine and generally people get along well. One of my neighbors (Don and Tanya) to the rear has been rather unneighborly since we moved in with one exception.
For background, the properties on my street have 1/2 acre lots while the properties behind us have lots about 6000 square feet, including the homes which leaves them with very little yard space.
We chose this particular street because of the uncommonly large lots and we want our dogs to be able to stretch their legs with a frequent game of fetch and let our kids play.
Shortly after we moved in, Don and Tanya bought a new patio set and offered us their old one.
That was very nice but we don’t have a place to store in the harsh winters and it is generally just not our style so we politely declined. Since then things have gone south. They have complained about the direction I mow my lawn, lied to me about where the property line is, told me our trees are overgrown (they’re on the small side in the neighborhood but the leaves do land on their property), and Don raked their leaves onto my property.
I spend a couple of hours a day in the fall collecting leaves while Don usually doesn’t need to because of his small yard. They also threatened to sue my next-door neighbor Dale over a tree on his property. During one of these increasingly heated exchange I told Don and Tanya I’m going to put up a fence and we haven’t really talked since.
We were going to begin right away but we lost income and then inflation made things difficult. Now that we are back to full income and have the means, I have begun the process of building the fence. I have followed all the municipal regulations, I had utility companies mark the underground lines, paid a surveyor in August (it took them 6 weeks to plant the stakes), and began digging my post holes while I wait for the red tape to clear (3 more weeks for the survey map, 3 more weeks for city to approve the permit).
The posts were sitting in the holes but not cemented in when I received a surprise visit from the building inspector. I assume Don filed the complaint but I’m not going to bother putting in a FOIA request to find out. I showed the inspector I have not built anything, just dug a bunch of holes inside the property lines.
He told me I’m doing everything as by the book as possible. He told me to file for the permit as soon as the survey map comes in but don’t stop or I won’t finish before the ground freezes.
Dale, who is happy to get a free new fence, overheard Don and Tanya complaining about the fence and let me know.
They’re clearly upset that their perceived yard has just been cut in half but we feel that complaining about the fence, makes it is more justified than ever.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I did a survey. Gave all neighbors 2 years to dispute survey with their own since what they thought was the property line was incorrect.
No one did a survey, but they still complained when the fence was installed. Highly recommend planting rhizomes of miscanthus giganteus along the chainlink fence. A fast-growing, clumping, and tall grass. Cut half the clump each year, so you always have a screen.” OkRole1835
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The old adage “Good fences make good neighbors” is true for a reason: there’s a need for boundaries otherwise you’ll be taken advantage of. Set this very real, physical, and legal boundary and have no qualms about doing so!” Knitchick82
15. AITJ For Wanting To Petition For Custody Of My Niece And Nephew?
“I (35F) have a brother Nathan (37M) who is a widower. My late sister-in-law Sarah was killed by an inebriated driver 9 months ago. They had 2 kids together Millie (6F) and Ryan (9M).
My husband (42M) Justin and I have been helping my brother with our niece and nephew since my SIL passed. We have 3 kids of our own and it’s been nice to let the cousins hang out a bit more.
Nathan started seeing Brittany (26F) about 6 months ago and they are planning a wedding taking place first weekend of November.
Lately Nathan has been dropping the kids off with us more and more for overnight stays, including school nights, so he and Brittany can “go blow off steam.” It’s probably 4-5 nights a week at this point. I know people grieve differently but this feels really fast. Millie and Ryan are also having a hard time as Brittany has moved into the house with them and started removing pictures of Sarah.
Nathan told her not to do this but she keeps going and pushing saying things like “It’s time.”
Nathan and I have always been close and Sarah was the sister I never had. I’ve talked to him a few times about moving too quickly with Brittany and maybe taking a step back and let this grow.
I told him if he wants to marry her now, if she’s really the one that won’t change with more time before a wedding happens. I’ve also talked to him about Millie and Ryan needing stability and their dad consistently because they are hurting and still processing.
He told me I crossed a line with bringing the kids up and he was doing the best he can.
Cut to yesterday. Brittany mentioned to Justin and I that Millie and Ryan would need to stay with us permanently once they have a baby so “Nathan doesn’t show favorites.” I stared at Nathan for a second and said this wasn’t an appropriate conversation to have when the kids were in earshot.
Brittany said she didn’t care and wasn’t looking forward to playing stepmom to the two “brats.” Millie and Ryan are great kids but their world has been shattered with the loss of their mom and now Brittany having moved in and apparently marrying Nathan.
I asked Nathan if we could speak privately and Brittany butted in saying anything I needed to say to him I could say to her. Against my better judgment I said “Fine. You’re overstepping your place in this family and using my brother as a meal ticket.
Those kids should come first.” I thought her head was going to explode. She began yelling at me and that I was selfish for not wanting my brother to be happy. I told her it was time to grow up and realize the world doesn’t revolve around her.
Nathan told me I was out of line and played the “That’s my fiancee!” card before they both stormed out, leaving the kids yet again. He has yet to check in on them
At this point I don’t trust my brother’s judgement and don’t want to keep the kids but Justin and I feel like we don’t have another choice.
I want to keep them safe and give them some stability. Would I be the jerk for petitioning for custody?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But. You wouldn’t get custody. If this is true, you’ll get them anyway as soon as she has a child.
No family court judge is going to grant you custody on what amounts to hearsay. It might be enough for them to stop leaving the kids with you and that would be bad.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you could just offer to your brother to take them voluntarily, rather than dragging them through the courts.
I’d also encourage you to talk about it with the kids before you do anything (9 is likely old enough to have an opinion, and 6 is old enough to understand a simplified version of what’s going on), ideally with the help of a child psychologist. Which they need to be seeing.” AceyAceyAcey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely check what Millie and Ryan want first, then I would recommend talking to a lawyer. You should probably start keeping a record of any messages from Nathan or Britney as those might be useful, especially if they show evidence of their neglect.” Legitimate_Gas_8386
14. AITJ For Blaming My Husband And In-Laws For Upsetting Our Kids Over Family Photos?
“My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have two children together.
Our kids are 7m and 5f. I have three stepchildren from my husband’s first marriage to his late wife. My stepkids are 17f, 16f and 15m. Their mom passed away from cancer 10 years ago. My stepkids are very close to their maternal side of the family and spend time with them frequently.
They enjoy having their mom’s parents and siblings close.
My stepkids have struggled with my marriage to their dad and their half-siblings. I think most kids do struggle with that. Honestly, looking at it now so many years later, I feel like the speed of things played a role as well as how much the kids idealized the idea of my husband staying loyal to their mom after her death.
This is something that they mentioned in family therapy we all did. The kids did get grief therapy after their mom’s death also.
As a family we’re big on taking photos and we take as many as we can. It has been pointed out on several occasions that my stepkids do not look very happy when sibling photos are taken with their younger siblings.
Or when family photos are taken with the seven of us. My husband and his parents compare them to photos of the three together without anyone else and especially to the ones taken while with their maternal side of the family. The beaming smiles and fond expressions are things that bother my husband and his parents because you never see them with our kids or with us as a family.
I can admit it does make me sad that there is such a difference. But to me it’s one of those things that you can’t really do anything about. You can talk to the kids more and bring therapy back into the equation but in reality, especially at those ages, it feels like it would only push them away more.
The topic of conversation was brought up far more in the last few weeks when several photos were posted of their time with their maternal family and my husband and his parents went through them again and again and they brought this up around our kids.
Now our children are upset and I was asked if their siblings don’t like the family, etc. It is not something they have ever expressed before. So it feels like they are very much picking up on their dad and grandparents’ feelings on this.
My husband and his parents were upset about the kids being upset and they were trying to blame my stepkids maternal family and I told them it was on them, not the maternal family.
I said they are the ones who are pointing out these differences where the children can hear and making things worse for the kids. My ILs said they were worrying about their grandkids. While my husband said he would never want to hurt our children.
I pointed out they had obsessed over the details and filled the kids with their worries, because the kids were fine before.
My ILs are now claiming I’m the biggest person at fault for being unfair and accusing them wrongly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You guys are in a tight spot.
It seems like a no-win situation. But you weren’t wrong with bringing your concerns to them, nor are you the biggest person at fault here. Your husband and his parents do need to quit fixating on this though. I mean there’s not too much that can be done about it.
Maybe since they don’t seem too happy to want to take the pics give them an option. Your husband should address this directly. “Hey, we noticed you don’t seem very happy in the photos with us. We know that you guys struggle with the fact that your stepmother and I are together and have children.
We love you and of course we want you in the family photos because you are a part of this family. But we don’t want you to feel like you are forced to do something,. If you would like to participate less in the photos we would understand.”” *************
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re trying your best and I’m sure your stepkids also appreciate that you’re not trying to force your relationship with them. They find their happiness in their mother’s side of the family and nothing is wrong about that. And those who are saying that ‘ you should not click pictures with your stepkids if they don’t want to’, they’re not understanding that if you didn’t click pictures with them then this is going to be another issue because then everyone will be saying that ‘you don’t love them and don’t see them as family and all that nonsense’.
So I totally understand your point of view. However, what I’m going to suggest to you is that you don’t discuss this topic with your stepkids. They’re already trying their best, don’t put more burden on them. They are in therapy, that’s good. Talk to your husband and make him understand that you all are doing your best you can’t force them to be happy unless they want to be happy.” i-hate-people1998
13. AITJ For Not Immediately Sharing Photos Of My Newborn With My Parents?
“When we got checked in at the hospital, my husband and I obviously told a few people – including my parents. My mom’s immediate reaction was “let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!” Even though for weeks I said I didn’t want anyone at the hospital. Then she said she was packing and said “we are coming of course!
But not to the hospital.” They assumed they could wait at my house. I said no.
After 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, my son was born and we let my parents know. Immediately they asked for photos. I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy cow I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.
Once we got moved to a recovery room, my husband and I talked and decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone, including to his favorite two people (his dad and grandmother) so it’s not like my parents were being singled out. I can’t really even explain why we don’t want to send pics of our son out right now.
We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wildfire to people we did not consent to have a photo of our son sent to so we’ve just decided to hold off. Not forever, but for now.
We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.
My parents lost their minds. Blew up both our phones, and stressed me out to the point of tears so my husband called my dad to ask them to stop my dad dared to hang up on my husband and then my dad told me that he and his husband didn’t need to speak or see each other again.
When I was discharged and sent home I sent my parents three texts about us being home and asked to FaceTime them so they could see my son via video since we weren’t doing photos. They ignored me.
We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mom told me she had been sobbing all day and it was “torture” waiting for a photo.
I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and my husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted. They said they don’t understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies.
I said I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it. Well, that didn’t go over well.
So tell me the truth, am I being dramatic? Am I the jerk? My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired.
Be honest with me, are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?”
Another User Comments:
“You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves they are doing that to their daughter. Girl, you gotta give it back to them. Go hard. They have no right to treat you like this.
I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You are the mum what you say goes. They******* up and deal with it NTJ and congrats mumma!” SkyChicken29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I find it a bit odd that you/your husband weren’t sending pictures to parents/grandparents during a settled time in the hospital. It sounds like you are close to them so seems a bit odd that you couldn’t request they keep the photos just for them and not share it.
Not getting a picture isn’t torture. People are supposed to be supporting a couple who just had a new baby, not adding to the stress.” blackcherrytomato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take it from someone whose in-laws had a similarly hysterical reaction to boundaries around a newborn: now is the time for you and your husband to stand your ground and insist your parents respect your wishes, otherwise they will act this way every time you don’t do things they way they want you to.” coffeemom23
12. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Roommates And Landlord Anymore?
“I’m 22 and I currently live in a shared five-bedroom house with my landlord.
I was experiencing homelessness before I moved into this property, so when I got approved I pretty much didn’t care about anything but having a roof over my head. When I toured this house there was no furniture and the house was filthy. My landlord explained to me that the woman living in my bedroom prior had actually been his partner.
Apparently she bought all the furniture for his house and when they separated and she left he told her she could sell it all. He also explained that she was the one who did most of the cleaning, and now that she was gone no one else really contributed. For the first few months I tolerated this.
When I moved in I did a deep clean of the entire house – especially because there are five cats living here and I am extremely allergic. For the last eight months I have been cleaning up after four grown adults every day, and vacuuming and mopping after them every week.
I know I am more obsessive than most people about having a clean space, however our house is completely gray. The floors are light gray, the walls are light gray, and even the baseboards (which were covered in a previous tenant’s cat’s vomit) are white and needed a scrub down.
None of my roommates ever pick up the vacuum, the mop, or even a broom. They don’t unload the dishwasher, they don’t wipe the countertops, and I am the only one who cleans the stovetop. I worked from home for a long time so I was able to make this work, however when I was working full time and when I was in school I would regularly have to stop and unload the dishwasher or clean the countertops so I can cook something or use a dish and it has taken up hours of my life at this point, I’m sure.
Now, as I’m applying for hospital jobs where I’ll be working 12+ hour shifts I realize I have no energy left. I sent my landlord a text this morning and I finally said “[redacted] I’m done cleaning this entire house by myself. You either need to figure out how to get EVERYONE involved or pay someone else to do it.
I feel taken advantage of and I don’t have the time, energy, or patience for it.” His response was this: “It seems you’re feeling like if you don’t clean, things won’t get cleaned. You certainly do not deserve to feel taken advantage of in your own home.
I feel like I need to say I haven’t required you to clean the house, other than cleaning up after yourself. I cannot pay someone to clean the house. However, I would be open to an equal contribution from all housemates if that solution worked for everyone.
You are welcome to call a house meeting if you’re wanting to organize cleaning in a new way. I will support and assist as needed.” My problem with this is why I have to be the one to organize HIS tenants?? Why do we all have to live in filth just because you don’t care???
Am I being unreasonable ????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the landlord is definitely slacking here along with your housemates. Since you’re the one with the issue (rightfully so) he’s leaving it to you to figure it out. If moving is an option go that route.
Sorry you’re living with buttheads.” Fluxxxx
11. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Childbirth Because I Felt Nauseous?
“My sister (25) asked me (28F) to be present for the birth of her first child.
I’ll call her in May. May and I have a hot/cold type relationship, but she’s still my sister and I love her so of course I accepted, but let her know I get squeamish and may need to stay ‘above the waist’. May acted like she understood this at the time.
Still, she would send me home birth videos, as that was also her goal. I told her I can’t watch them because it disturbs me; I don’t have kids or plan to have them so I’ve never really felt the need to desensitize myself to this stuff.
She wasn’t deterred and at one point told me to grow up, childbirth is natural.
The time comes, it’s just me, our mom, and her team of midwives present. I’m holding one leg and our mom’s holding the other. I’m extremely uncomfortable but trying my best to support, and encourage May and tell her she’s doing amazing, etc. But it gets the best of me, I feel like I’m about 2 seconds from hurling, and I excuse myself.
I do come back into the bedroom but keep a bit of distance and cheer her on that way. She’s busy pushing and we don’t address me stepping away.
May’s 2 weeks post-partum. , My mom, 2 of our cousins, and 2 aunts are visiting. All women with kids are excited to hear her birth story, and May’s happy to oblige.
Then she gets to the part where she mentions that I ‘dropped her leg and left’ while she was pushing. Mind you she never brought this up to me. But in front of our family, she was acting incredibly let down by me and what happened. May and one of our cousins were insinuating I was childish for not being able to tolerate it, like ‘imagine if she had to be the one going through it’ and I was like..
yeah, I’m child-free for a reason? Their reaction made me feel uncomfortable. May ask why couldn’t have just looked at the wall or something, and I finally just told her the reason I stepped into the other room was that she started pooping, I smelled it and saw it and just immediately felt like I was going to barf in an already intense situation.
I said I would’ve felt like a bigger jerk if I threw up on her at that moment than if I just left to compose myself.
May got embarrassed by me saying this and EXTREMELY mad. I understand but I didn’t say it in a mean way or to embarrass her – I just felt targeted and invalidated for having a human reaction, and like I had to explain/defend myself.
After May’s blow-up one of my cousins said I shouldn’t have told her she pooped. Another told me she understood I wasn’t trying to be mean and that my sister’s hormonal, she’ll get over it. I promptly left (this was three days ago) and haven’t talked to May since.
Our mom has asked me to apologize. I told her I’d apologize when May apologized for putting me on blast and mocking me. At this point, I’m fine not talking to her because I want peace and I feel like this might be something she throws in my face.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Like you said, you’re child-free for a reason. I’m also child-free for a host of other reasons, but I also have absolutely NO interest in pregnancy and childbirth. It’s okay to not think that someone screaming, ripping themselves open, and pooping is beautiful.
It’s also totally okay to think it IS beautiful. She had no right to bring that up in front of other people. They were bullying you, right in front of your face, for something you can’t help. It is reasonable for you to expect an apology for being put on blast, and it’s okay to apologize for upsetting someone, even if you didn’t mean to.
But until she apologizes for gossiping about you right in FRONT of you, I wouldn’t say a thing.” anonymoose_octopus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. May doesn’t give a rat’s a**e about your feelings…if she did, she never would have asked someone who has said they don’t want kids or have anything to do with them to be there for the birth.
To be frank, I love the heck out of my two kids. The best thing ever, they’re smart and funny and for the most part really good kids. Never gave me much trouble beyond the normal kid stuff. But I told my wife that I would NOT be anywhere near her bottom because I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t puke and or pass out.” My_friends_are_toys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Number one rule of supporting someone going through a Medical Moment: don’t become a patient yourself. You did what you needed to do to keep the professionals focused on May rather than your own emotions (and fluids). Despite ample forewarning of how exposing you to birth was likely to go, she can still be disappointed with how things turned out; life isn’t always what we hope for.
However, she should have brought it up with you separately. The way she handled it made it clear her purpose was to shame you, not to resolve lingering feelings. By that point, she backed you into a corner, and while you might not have been the most tactful, I can’t fault you for explaining your actions.” miraculous_milk
10. AITJ For Considering Not Attending My Cousin's Wedding Due To High Travel Costs?
“My younger cousin is getting married in 2 weeks. She and the majority of my father’s side all live halfway across the country so I have only met this cousin 4 maybe 5 times total with long periods in between (the last time being in 2021 with 2015 before that).
Even with the distance I still send everyone gifts and cards for Christmas, birthdays, and milestones, and I am incredibly happy for her.
I told everyone I was coming and arrangements were made. I’m flying in on Thursday & leave Monday so I have time to visit separately from the wedding and in September I booked my plane tickets as well as the 2-hour train to get to the city I’m flying out of ($350 spent so far).
Yesterday, I was on the phone with an aunt and she informed me that no one could come get me from the airport. They live a 2-hour drive from the city and everyone will be too busy with last-minute details so hopefully I can just get a “rental car or an Uber” out there.
I went to book a rental car- it’s $250, and when I went to pay with my debit card the company wasn’t having it. I called the company and I was told I could pay with a debit card once I returned the car but they needed a credit card to place a hold.
My credit card only has a limit of $200. If I return the car on Sunday instead of Monday, it’s under $200 but that leaves me spending $100-$150 on a hotel for the night.
Should I go this route, I’ll have spent almost $700 just getting to/from the event.
This doesn’t include various expenses like food, gas for the car, Ubers to/from the train station to the airport, or even a gift for the couple (separate issue— the cheapest thing on the registry is a $30 electric can opener so I’m unnecessarily peeved about that), and it’s also assuming my aunt still has a room for me at her house (it was previously cleared but the situation on her end has changed since then).
Overall I’m spending nearly $1000 to visit family that always made us come to them growing up, who never congratulated or even acknowledged my milestones or successes in life, and worst of all didn’t bother to check in when my mother passed away earlier this year.
I feel bad for changing my mind and I know both my aunts will be upset but seeing the dollar signs rack up and knowing all the other things I should spend the money on (i.e. taking my car to the shop to get that noise I’ve been ignoring looked at) makes me just not want to go.
The plane and train tickets are both refundable so there’s that in my favor. As for the reception— there is no seating chart and they’re doing a food truck so my absence won’t affect that. I’ll also still send a nice gift even if I’m not in attendance because I’m not that rude— maybe I’ll buy them the $80 trash can AND the $30 can opener with all the money I’d be saving.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to communicate to them that you are no longer going. Explain to them the issue and say you’re sorry, but I won’t be able to afford it. They may be understanding, they may not. That reflects more on them if they hold a grudge.
They may even talk to family and try to secure a lift from someone to support them. You WIBTJ if you just don’t turn up and don’t tell anyone. It disappoints, and they probably had a plate for you that maybe someone else can have with notice.
Weddings aren’t cheap!” Darquesse1996
Another User Comments:
“I am thinking NTJ You make some points about their failings and miscommunications. You also never said it was arranged for someone to pick you up. The implication is more like assumptions all around. It sucks you can’t make the event.
Two days’ notice is a bit rough, but if they can’t be bothered to help… Just be polite, inform them that you aren’t able to attend, and move on.” DahDebil
Another User Comments:
“I’m unsure how to edit/update so hopefully this gets seen, but to clarify: My aunt agreed to pick me up before I even booked my flight.
We coordinated my arrival and departure times around my work and her plans. We’ve discussed and confirmed it several times since then too. Now, two weeks out, she can’t come to get me and I get that. Things happen but it was heavily implied by her the reason was for a nail appointment.
I also get that it would be an inconvenience to the other 8 people who could potentially come get me to do so at 1 pm on a weekday, but now I’m stuck with additional expenses I didn’t budget for. Can I afford a rental car and hotel room?
Barely but yes. And I feel like part of the reason they’re backing out is because I finally have a stable job where I’m making okay money.” FlyingPeanut28
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Be Happy After He Ignored Me My Whole Life?
“My father (54 yrs) and I have had a very turbulent relationship.
I (female, 19) have two siblings, an older brother (21) and a younger sister (17).
Growing up, my father had a drinking problem, if he was intoxicated, hungover, or even sober, he was always angry at something. He went from having two beers a night to three or four beers and a bottle of wine by himself.
He and my mum (49) had been married for nearly 27 years, while she, my brother, and my sister all know he has a drinking problem.
He took my sister to her weekend activities and played games with my brother. While I was the problem middle child with all the mental health issues.
(I have depression and anxiety)
I stood up for myself. This meant we butted heads A LOT, but it was also his outlet. He would actively seek out confrontation with me. He would find anything I did wrong and yell at me.
He would joke about mental health, sexist jokes, homophobic jokes.
All of these, I would call him out on.
When I was 17, my parents finally separated. My mum and dad had an amicable divorce and she even helped him move out.
Before he left, I asked him calmly, “Dad, do you want a relationship with me?
I’m nearly 18, I don’t have to see you and you don’t have to see me. So, do you want a relationship with me?” I told him about how I’ve been trying for the past ten years to work on this with him.
I learned to cook, learned instruments he played, listened to his favorite music, and got into acting and martial arts because he did it when he was younger, FOR YEARS, I have been trying to have anything in common with him.
So I told him all of that, and I said to him “I don’t know what else I can do, so I’m giving you a chance now, I’m telling you that I need you to work on yourself to have a relationship with me, because I’m tired of trying.
I’m tired of walking on eggshells around him. I’m tired of hearing you say “I love you” to my sister through the wall every night when you’ve never even said those words to me.”
His response; was an eye roll. He just walked away from me.
After he moved out the rest of the family got along with him well and pressured me to see him more often, (currently seeing him monthly).
But things have changed now.
My dad has a partner.
She’s 26 years old.
They worked together for the last five years, and, around a month after my dad moved out, he flew overseas to meet her mother.
Now… this hasn’t been confirmed, but it seems to be pretty extreme to fly overseas to meet the mother of your partner of only a month.
The rest of my family are happy for him. I’m not.
I’m angry that he gets to brush the decade of hurt aside to just restart while I’ve had years of therapy to try and heal. The rest of my family say I’m holding onto the past. His life is moving on and I should be happy for him.
But I’m not. I don’t want him to be able to just move on like that. I want him to know how hurt I am from everything. But he doesn’t care. And I don’t think he ever will.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did so much to try and get your father’s positive attention.
Instead, you got nothing but his negative attention in return. You did everything he liked and again negative attention from him. Ask your mom why you should forgive and forget about the past when he just doesn’t care about the present and yourself. If they keep trying to force you to forgive him after everything you went through, then go minimal contact for your mental health.” Eurosario
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom’s dad was literally like your dad, even though my mom was the only child. He hadn’t seen her for 30 years, he didn’t know my mom had 2 children. Fast forward to the end: he married a woman way younger than him hoping she will be taking care of him when he gets old.
Guess what? She died before him, the next thing is that he wants my mom to take care of him. I saw her that day so I can kinda imagine your feelings, OP. You’re completely NTJ. But trust me people like your dad won’t end up well, there is some sort of fate justice.
My mom’s father died alone, there was no one there for him, so I believe it was a deserved punishment for him for the way he treated his daughter. You have a full right to not want him to be happy. But don’t let the anger take you over.
Wait patiently, trust me he will get his punishment.” Shladki_kot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re justified in feeling what you are feeling. But that’s not an issue here. The real issue is that you should be happy and if you need to cut your dad out of your life for that, do it.
Don’t think about people who don’t think about you.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Saying "You're Welcome" To My Partner's Mother?
“My partner (30m) and I (29f) have been together for not quite a year, don’t live together.
He has a quite terrible relationship with his mother (60s f), but still quite a lot of contact because she needs tons of help and he lives closer than his sisters. But he is extremely irritable, impatient, and sometimes loud towards her (to which she retaliates), and sometimes treats her quite poorly tbh.
She’s not easy, I think you’d need the patience of a saint to stay completely calm if around her all the time, and I know there are a lot of bad things and resentment in the past between them, it’s not that he treats her poorly out of the blue.
This weekend she came back from holidays. He had already driven her to the airport 1,5 hours away when she flew there, and today he had to get her from another airport 3,5-4 hours away. We made a short trip out of it to visit the city she landed in Friday evening and yesterday, got her from the airport this morning, and drove her home.
My partner did all the driving (he doesn’t let me drive his car, I would’ve offered to drive voluntarily because I like driving. My car is a bit smaller). He paid for the parking at the airport but is planning to get it back from his mum.
There were already some questionable things at the airport, but that’s another thing. When he had arrived at his mother’s house and left her apartment after getting the suitcases in (where I already confronted him on some unnecessary things he did and said), she said “Thank you very much” while we were going away from the door.
I just said, “You’re welcome”. My partner ignored her. Immediately he got irritated with me why I say “you’re welcome” when I had no part in what she thanked us for, why I “spoke for him” and that he didn’t like doing it for her so he didn’t want to say it etc.
I at first said well it’s just polite to say and why would he make such a scene out of one word (in our language it is one word)? We didn’t talk the whole way from his mother’s to my apartment, he ignored me the few times I tried to say something light-hearted. At my apartment, the only things he said were totally necessary and very grumpy/snappy.
I asked again what was up with that and he said how “It’s not my thing to say polite things for him that I think he misses”. I explained that I just said it for my part in it (accompanying, helping with suitcases…) But he still didn’t have it and I asked him why he was making such a big deal out of it and that I didn’t understand it.
He just said I should “think about it” and grumpily wished me a nice evening and off he went. He even came back because he forgot something and didn’t say a word.
So is he right and I shouldn’t have said “you’re welcome” because he did the majority?
I’m flabbergasted how he managed to even make a thing out of this small polite phrase so I’m not sure if maybe he’s right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In a lot of places, people are so used to saying “you’re welcome” when someone thanks them that they don’t even realize they’re saying it.
It’s just become automatic. She thanked you, and you replied. Why are you with this guy? He sounds verbally abusive. I’m not even sure if the mother is a problem here, but he certainly is.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s mean to you for absolutely no reason.
If he didn’t feel like saying it, he didn’t have to. Seems like he wanted to use some silent treatment on his own mother to show he was displeased, but it was a bit offset by you saying it. So now he’s trying a similar strategy on you to make you feel bad for thwarting his plan.
Real mature.” definitelywitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants you to be sorry for being raised with manners…? Look, it’s not your place to judge and intervene with his relationship with his parents, but having that unhealthy of a relationship with her, especially that he sees it is okay to be openly hostile instead of communicating, is a big old red flag.
He wants you to be as mean to her as he is. That’s HIS business. He should not expect of you to take up his war with his mom. He needs therapy to figure out better behaviors because what he will do to her he will do to you.
It is a pattern of behavior he will need a concerted effort to break.” ChaoticCapricorn
7. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Sharing Her "Predictions" About My Life?
“I (M26) have had a difficult relationship with my mother, but it has been getting better over the years. Growing up, my parents were very religious and we went to a small Christian church full of very narrow-minded people, which had negative effects on my self-image and mental health as I realized I am both bisexual and autistic.
We did not have a lot growing up, and my parents eventually ended up splitting over money. My mom grew up in absolute poverty being raised just by my very mentally unwell and abusive grandmother. My mom did well despite this. She was the first person in her family to get a university degree and supported herself for a long time as a teacher.
There was a lot of pressure on me to do similarly and climb up the socioeconomic ladder. I was a smart kid and there was a strong expectation that I would become something like a doctor or a lawyer, and I was sometimes disciplined harshly (spankings, beatings, etc.) for not performing academically.
My mom thinks of herself as a very spiritual person, even though now she is not going to church. But she has maintained a belief in divine guidance, basically believing that god or the universe tells her things that are going to happen. This is how she “knew” that I was going to be a doctor or lawyer.
She’s played down the spiritual aspect of these predictions lately and just says she has a hunch, but she still treats them like gospel.
I started to deviate from these “predictions” in late high school when I started prioritizing my interests in music and travel.
I was still getting amazing grades and got into a good local university with a good scholarship, but my mom did not take it well and became increasingly hostile and abusive. She also tried to break up me and my high school partner. I moved out early and did not speak with my mom for nearly a year.
Fast forward a few years, and I am in a very successful and high-paying career but not one my mom “predicted”. We have made up mostly and my mom has apologized for some (though not all) of her abusive behavior. I have been able to maintain strong boundaries that make our relationship work.
But my mom still gives unsolicited “predictions” about my personal life. After I went through a very difficult breakup last year my mom told me she “knew” I would get back together with my ex (this is not what I needed to hear and seriously delayed my healing).
Recently she mentioned out of nowhere that she was certain I would end up with one of my sister’s friends (this was off-putting both because I am already in a happy relationship and my sister and her friends are all teenagers).
These predictions don’t feel directly malicious.
They don’t have power over me the way they used to, but I find them incredibly inappropriate and triggering. WIBTJ for telling my mom to stop sharing these predictions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That is a needed conversation, especially since you find them to be triggering for you.
Make the time to have a civil conversation, maybe over coffee, and be done with it. That won’t make you TAH. You can still maintain your boundaries and let it be known how happy it makes you that you and your mom are in a better place, but this is something you’re not budging on because it makes you uncomfortable.
NTJ at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re gonna have to sit down with her and tell her to stop sharing her irrational predictions because they negatively impact your mental health. Speaking of mental health, your mother likely needs therapy and guidance. Keep putting down your boundaries and you do you.” SociallyIneptRaccoon
Another User Comments:
“No, certainly NTJ. You can try to tell her they aren’t helpful or entertaining and they’re usually inaccurate and even sometimes hurtful. If she continues, predict that she’ll be eaten by a bear. If she still won’t stop just get wilder and wilder.
Predict she’ll marry an Elvis impersonator on in Vegas. Predict she’ll be trampled by an escaped rhinoceros.” magicsusan42
6. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Christmas With My Ex And His Other Son?
“I have an 8-year-old son with my ex.
We separated almost 4 years ago when I learned he was sleeping around throughout most of our marriage and he even had a partner for over a year. He moved in with her after I started divorce proceedings. Their son was born during the divorce. Ex and I share custody and split Christmas every year.
We do all our communication through an app. Or we’re supposed to anyway.
Ex’s partner left him and their son just after the baby turned 1. He’s now 3.
Whenever I see my ex’s mom, who lives 20 minutes from me, she always mentions how she wishes I was the mom to her other grandson and how sad it is he doesn’t have a mom.
I was always a little suspicious of comments like that because what good do they do? It made me aware that he and his family might want me to be involved in this little boy’s life.
Last week ex texted me and said he was thinking about the future.
How he has two boys and how he wants his son to grow up with memories of Christmas always including his brother and maybe having more family than he currently does. So how about we stop with the conflict and come together every Christmas and I could get to know his son more and be part of his life and we would both see our son Christmas Day.
He brought up how our son isn’t as close to his son as he wanted him to be and that his son smiles whenever he sees me and would love to interact with me. The text was long and he brought up a lot of points.
To sum it up he wanted us to do joint Christmas’ going forward and for me to be in his son’s life. I ignored the part about his son and I said no to joint Christmas’. Ex did not leave it there and he tried to convince me by using the “I know you hate Christmas when our son isn’t with you” and he’s not wrong.
But we are not going to get along enough for that. His unfaithfulness ended any chance for that. I also do not want his son to become attached to me or seek a mom figure in me.
So I said no and no again when he didn’t give up and I stopped replying.
I saw my ex and his mom Wednesday when I was grabbing some groceries while my son was at his best friend’s house. They came right up to me and said I should be more compassionate and see the win in having Christmas all together.
His mom again mentioned how sad it is that his son doesn’t have a mom and his ex told me I am going to come between the boys if our son figures out how much I don’t want to be around his half-brother. He told me to do better and stop being such a jerk to him and his son.
His mom was like “Be the amazing mom we know you are”. She wasn’t mad but he was furious and I know it won’t be the last time he brings it up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What a load of BS. If his concern is the boys aren’t as close as they can be, then he is not doing a good job when he has custody of both of them.
You need to be there for HIS affair child on 1 day of the year and THAT is the answer to his problem???!!!! If there is an issue with him communicating with the APP, DON’T communicate any other way. He made his bed (apparently others as well) and now he has to…..” Catskill
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. You know it won’t end with just Christmas. He’s probably looking to be able to dump his other kid on you. He gets a break from your son when he’s with you but not from his other son.
It’s his responsibility as the father of both these boys to create a cohesive family. While I do feel bad for the boy who probably wishes he had a mother present in his life, it’s never a good idea to push kids where they aren’t wanted.” Hopeful-Chipmunk6530
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When will it stop, with his 3rd kid, 4th? How many compromises are you supposed to make on his behalf? You are under no obligation to accommodate their weird requests. Don’t consider it any further, since it’s a resolved issue for you.
It’s so tiring when people think they can manipulate the mom. He made the crappy choices, now he has to live with them.” Beautiful-Report58
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Deletes Our Past Arguments?
“My partner has absolutely no idea why I am upset so I would like some other opinions on this just to make sure I’m not crazy.
My partner(21) and I(20) have had some serious problems in the past. Sometimes, I documented what occurred during these issues after the fact.
I’ve done this because as time passes, my partner completely disregards anything he has done before, and acts like that never happened. I want to be clear that these events occurred. I don’t constantly pull up these notes, nor do I keep rereading them to him (which will be important later).
Sometimes at night, I fall asleep watching something on my phone, leaving my phone unlocked. I just discovered that my partner has deleted chats between us, on iMessage and WhatsApp, as well as my notes on our problems.
About a month ago, I noticed our WhatsApp chat was deleted when I went to go looking for a picture of a restaurant menu.
I thought it was him and he denied it completely, saying I must have done it accidentally. I started thinking that maybe I had.
Yesterday, we disagreed with the timeline of when he joined his church, and I remembered I had written a note after he had joined. I went to my notes app to check, and my note was deleted. I asked him repeatedly if he did it and he denied it, until finally he said that he did.
He said he deleted the note because he didn’t want me to be “negative” and hold our problems over him all the time. I do not pull up these notes (only once in a couple of months) to the point that I hadn’t even realized they were deleted. This means he waited for me to fall asleep with an unlocked phone to do this.
He claims he ONLY went into the notes and deleted them, and solely for my benefit because he does not want me to reminisce on negative things.
Today, we were joking around about the way I typed “hello”. I told him he types the same way and searched the word in my iMessage.
I noticed my messages with him were deleted as well. I asked him if he did that and he claims it must’ve slipped his mind to tell me when he told me about the notes. He gave the same reason, that he didn’t want me to reread negative things he has said and reminisce over them, but again, I don’t do that.
I haven’t looked at our iMessage texts in over 2 months, because we exclusively use WhatsApp now. This is when he slips up and tells me he also deleted the WhatsApp messages, for the same reason. He also says when he told me I must have done it accidentally it was just a joke because it should be obvious if I knew that I didn’t do it, he must have.
He thinks he’s COMPLETELY in the right and doesn’t understand why I would even remotely be upset by all of this. I feel genuinely crazy even hearing him give me all these reasons why it is perfectly acceptable for him to delete them.
So AITJ for still bringing up this whole thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is a massive red flag. I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years and he has never gotten into my phone without my express permission. This man has no respect for your boundaries or your privacy, then lies to you and gaslights you when you catch him out.
This is not okay and, for me, would be a deal breaker.” BoundPrincess84
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. He’s deleting things so he can gaslight you op. Which is messed up. It’s also messed up to feel the need to keep notes of what you did for the reason you did it.
Meaning that’s not normal or healthy in a relationship. You should NOT feel like you need to do that. He is removing your receipts so you can’t challenge him when he lies to you, clearly even though he is a liar he can make you doubt your sanity, and question your memory.
My advice op, is to leave now. Don’t talk to him about it beforehand if you do. He’s just going to manipulate you with false promises and lies and drag this out even longer. His behavior is incredibly controlling.” Distinct-Practice131
Another User Comments:
“Leave this guy now, he is toxic and untrustworthy.
He has already shown you who he is. It doesn’t matter his reasoning. What you need to see is that he has very low accountability for his actions to the point that he is willing to make you feel crazy and joke about it being your fault.
This is a very dangerous sign for you to ignore. He is also telling you he knows what’s best for is that you not think of him as being less than perfect. Nothing else to add except you deserve better.” Black_Hammer_lv
4. AITJ For Accepting My Parents' Offer To Meet My Son In Maui Without My Wife?
“My parents have offered to pay for me and my son to travel to Maui, but haven’t invited my wife.
My wife and I met in the USA 10 years ago and we moved to Australia (she is Australian) just before a significant global event.
During that time we had a son who is now 2, and he hasn’t met my parents in person but they’ve met a few times via video calls.
They are pretty absent, hence me being happy to move to Australia. My wife and my parents have a fractured relationship, as do I to a degree.
My parents aren’t exactly involved or great communicators, they don’t video call, nor did they call our son or send any card to acknowledge his 2nd birthday, which was 2 weeks ago.
My mum has since come up with this idea that it would be great if they could fly myself and my son over to Maui (at their expense because we can’t afford it) for a week so they can meet our son.
My mum is at a conference in Maui with my Dad and thought it would be great if we could all meet there.
More context: my wife is the primary carer for our son and is currently home full time with him whilst I work full time.
My wife is upset that I would consider taking him without her and thinks I’m being unreasonable.
Her reasons:
* Our son has never been separated from her for more than a few hours.
* Our son doesn’t go readily to strangers and whilst my parents are family to me, they are strangers to him.
* It’s unfair to take him on his first overseas trip without her, she wants us to experience this as a family, together.
* We are a package deal, it’s all of us or none of us.
* I’ve never had our son for more than a day on my own, she thinks it’s too much to manage a 2-year-old on my own, on his first OS flight and then for a week with people who are strangers to him, with no support.
I think my parents will help, she thinks our son will struggle because he doesn’t know them and will want his mum.
* She is worried he will have separation anxiety and doesn’t want to throw him in the deep end. She would prefer to manage separation by starting slowly, like a day a week at pre-school, not a week in a different country without her.
* She is a first-time mum, she flat-out does not want our son to go overseas without her.
* She thinks it’s more reasonable that my parents travel here rather than ask our 2-year-old to travel there without her. They are the adults. My Dad has recently had an operation and doesn’t want to do such a long flight.
I can’t help but also think, the bigger reason she doesn’t want us to go is because she doesn’t like my parents.
Regardless of the strained relationships, I want our son to meet my parents and we can’t afford to go without their help.
Am I the jerk for accepting my parents’ offer, and taking our 2-year-old to visit them overseas, without my wife?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your 4th point hits the nail on the head. YOU ARE A PACKAGED DEAL. Your mother is purposely slighting your wife.
There is no way you will handle a 2-year-old. Don’t count on your mother, she has meetings to attend. You admit you don’t spend time raising your son. You can’t flip a switch. If you go you will severely damage your marriage.” redditavenger2019
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife has laid out several reasons why a toddler should not be going Maui without her (least of which you’ve never handled your son for more than a day by yourself). If he was 6 or 7, where he had a little more autonomy and is used to being without her for long stretches of the day, it’d be a slightly different story.
If your son doesn’t like strangers, your parents won’t be much help because he won’t accept their help. I would tell your parents that your son is too young to travel so far for so long without both parents.” NotesFromGirl86
Another User Comments:
“LOL YTJ how can you possibly think you are not the jerk after typing out that long, very legitimate list of reasons from your wife? Either the whole family goes, or leave your kid at home with his mom and go have a solo vacation with mommy and daddy.
Your parents are zero interested in your child’s best interest for all the aforementioned reasons, they just want the cute photo ops for their social media and the satisfaction of knowing they have “won” over your wife.” peepthefleeps
3. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister's Friend For Giving My Child Melatonin?
“My (f26) and husband (28) took in one of my little sister’s friends (f18, just shy of 19). Let’s call her Sam. Sam has been with us for almost a full year, and we’ve been taking care of her. We also have two small children (3 &1) who live in our home as well.
We occasionally ask Sam to watch the kids for us when we have errands to run or want a date night etc. She graduated high school in May and did not have a job over the summer nor paid any sort of bills, so we didn’t think it was a huge ask considering we paid everything.
Cellphone, shoes, clothes, anything she needs.
We just finally trusted Sam enough to watch the kids overnight so we could go out of town to celebrate our anniversary. Everything went fine and we returned home with no issues. Or so we thought.
Today, I had some errands to run while my husband went to work, so I asked Sam to watch the kids for about 2 hours last evening.
Sam is in no way a morning, and it’s VERY apparent. For reference, this is at 7:12 am. The kids had just gotten up at 6:30.
This morning when she got up to watch the kids, she instantly fell asleep back on the couch. My husband and I had to wake her up before we left. We have a car in the shop currently so I was dropping him off and then doing my errands.
I had to use the restroom after dropping him off so I stopped back home, to find my house door unlocked and the home alarm not turned on. Sam was in the room with the kids sleeping. This was at 7:50 am. She had no idea I ever entered the house.
I was angry but got back into my car to go do what I needed to do.
While I was driving, I had a nagging feeling to check the living room camera after the time we left. What I saw on the camera horrified me as a mom.
Not even 10 minutes after we left, Sam went to the spot where we keep the children’s melatonin (my child is autistic and takes it nightly) and proceeded to plop one into my child’s mouth.
I saw red I sent the video to my husband to confirm what I saw, and he agreed. I then also sent it to my mom to triple-check.
I fly home and go inside to confront her. She lies and lies to me until she tells me that she did do it.
I told her that she needed to be out of my house today by 1 pm. And she had a total meltdown.
She gave me every reason in the book as to why she did it and freaked out that she had nowhere to go.
I told a few people because I’m so upset I’m crying. I had some people who agreed with me, but some said I shouldn’t kick her out since she had nowhere to go.
Making me feel horrible.
So my question to you is; AITJ for kicking her out over giving my child melatonin?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you left your toddlers with someone fast asleep? yeah, you own some of this. What she did is wrong too, no question, but you also came home, saw she was asleep, then left without the kids, leaving them with a sleeping person.
None of you are acting responsibly in this situation. Also, parentification of someone who isn’t even your kid is… no more okay than if she were your kid. Doesn’t matter if you’re taking care of the costs of her life or not.” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like you’re asking too much from a recently kicked-out teenager and then taking advantage of her no job to babysit your kids pretty frequently… do you even pay her??? And one of your kids is neurodivergent?! She’s overwhelmed. She also shouldn’t be giving the neurodivergent kid melatonin outside of his bedtime, but you shouldn’t be taking advantage of the no job, kicked out into the streets, a teenager that just graduated high school this year.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here- If Sam isn’t a morning person and wasn’t finished sleeping, it wasn’t cool of you to ask her to babysit. That would be the equivalent of waking someone up at 3 am and saying “Hey can you just watch the kids for two hours while I go run some errands?”.
You’re the jerk for asking her to provide childcare during her normal sleep hours. She is for sure the jerk for giving your kid something so she could sleep more, but to be honest, she probably didn’t consider it to be that big deal. Likely, she didn’t think this through.
She likely thought that melatonin was a natural herbal supplement with minimal harmful effects. Still not great to give it to a kid, but she wasn’t giving her Nyquil or something like that. I don’t think her intent was harm. Her actions were dumb, but not malicious.
You are not the jerk for being upset that this happened, but you’re the jerk for giving her only a few hour’s notice to move out of her home. That is an illegal eviction. She has rights even if she isn’t paying rent. It’s ok if you don’t want her living with you, but you need to give her a reasonable time frame to leave.” MarkedByFerocity
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Tell His Mom About Our Pregnancy?
“I 32 (f) and my husband 35 (m) are expecting our third child and keeping this pregnancy on the DL. I had a very traumatic miscarriage at 3m in May of 2023 and after being so excited I was met with so much heartbreak.
I have two healthy babies (5&3). My first two I had zero issues, healthy as can be. The third pregnancy started out the same and we were just over the moon. We told everyone and anyone pretty much as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
When I miscarried, I was just bombarded with questions and condolences when all I wanted was to not talk about it.
Now, my MIL and I don’t have the greatest relationship. We’ve had some challenges over the last couple of years but never anything explosive.
She’s just a very cold person in general and also lives halfway around the world so we don’t see or speak to each other much. Which is a bonus in my books.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, I’ve tried to connect with her so many times in person and would call her all the time on video so she can interact with the kids.
I just stopped trying after so many disappointing interactions. We didn’t have a chance to tell her that we were pregnant with my first child because that opportunity was taken from us by my SIL. That’s another story itself. With my second, we were excited to tell her and her reaction was “that’s nice” followed by a subject change.
I was so hurt.
When I was back home this past summer I told her about our miscarriage and she didn’t even acknowledge it. She acted like she didn’t hear me & immediately changed the subject. I am now almost 11 weeks. Close to where I was when lost my last baby.
I told my husband that I don’t want to tell any of our family back home. We both have all of our family living halfway across the world. I said I just wanted to surprise them with a photo when baby arrives and be like, surprise.
This includes everyone. My family – His family.
He is adamant about telling his mom we are expecting and I’m really hurt by this. I told him multiple times I don’t want anyone to know & especially his mom after her lack of compassion or excitement.
Her reactions are always disappointing.
He said that he would tell her not to tell anyone but she can’t keep a secret to save her life. She has told every family member and person she knows about a private health matter in my life from two years ago.
I don’t trust her with this news.
With this pregnancy, I feel extremely protective. I don’t want to wave it around, I want to keep it private. It’s hard for me to talk about this pregnancy or even be excited. Deep down, I pray that this baby is born healthy and happy.
But to say things like “I can’t wait to snuggle this baby” is really difficult for me because of the what if’s. My miscarriage was extremely traumatic and I’m still not over it. I don’t want to talk about being pregnant.
So, AITJ for not wanting him to tell his mom about our pregnancy?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- I understand both you and your husband’s position. If I may offer a piece for you though: Let go of any and all expectations with your MIL. Her reaction should not affect you so deeply. You have no relationship with this woman, so why are you giving her so much of yourself mentally and emotionally.
Let her be cold. And know that the attitude she has halfway around the world WILL NOT affect you unless you allow it to. Stop letting her live in your head rent-free.” Savings_Summer2608
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said your MIL shared a private health matter of yours to everyone just two years ago, you’re right not to trust her to keep this private.
However, you should be aware that your family and his might feel hurt and upset if you only tell them about the baby after s/he is born. It’s your decision when you want to tell them, and you wouldn’t be a jerk no matter what you do imo, but you should just have that in mind and be aware of it if you decide to wait that long to tell them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It is understandable that you feel differently during this pregnancy after having had a miscarriage and not sharing the news until after you scan etc is completely normal. I hope once you get a little further into the pregnancy your anxiety will begin to reduce.
When you can feel your baby move each day you will feel more reassured. However you need to appreciate your husband also lost a baby and is expecting another baby too. Not “allowing” him to share his news or feelings with people he loves until the baby is born shouts of deeper problems that may benefit from counseling.” armchair-judge
1. AITJ For Not Defending My Sister Against My Friends' Insults?
“I (25F) have a little sister (19F) who I hang out with pretty often. Her best friend of 5 years (19M) lives 5 minutes away so I would usually pick him up and we would all go out together.
In April, I became friends with 2 of my coworkers, Joel (27M) and Anthony (22M) and they started hanging out with us too.
At first everything was going well and we even made a group chat and sometimes Facetimed, but out of nowhere, Anthony started calling my sister unattractive and saying no one would ever love her. He was obviously joking and my sister would go back and forth with him insulting each other as a joke but her friend would ask Anthony why he was always coming for her.
Joel also made jokes about my sister and called her overweight multiple times but he’s actually overweight so it doesn’t matter.
Her friend would always say something back to them though and when they would Facetime the group chat he would tell my sister to stay on the phone with him only because “then they’re always talking nonsense” and they’re “not even their friends” and my sister would agree.
I told her he was being toxic because he wasn’t letting her talk to anyone else but him.
Everything went downhill because my sister and her friend got offended when Anthony called him an offensive slur (her best friend is gay) as a comeback after he called him short and old.
None of us said anything because it’s 2023, who cares it’s not that bad, but her friend started coming for him and saying Anthony’s mom didn’t love him because he has a bad relationship with her. He took it too far because that’s a sensitive topic for Anthony but they still got mad and my sister forced Anthony to apologize even though he didn’t want to.
After this, my sister started talking bad about them to me and even my mom and she said they would “talk nonsense to her and her friend” even though it wasn’t a big deal. So I told her to stop talking nonsense about them and I even recorded her and sent it to my friends.
They called me one day while she was in the room and started calling her a mean person cause that’s how she’s acting and they even made jokes about her not having a job. I started agreeing with them because it’s true but now my sister is mad saying I never defended her and let “grown” men talk about her and scream at her.
Then, she went through my phone and saw messages of my friends and I talking about both of them privately and she told my mom so now they’re all mad at me. Her friend even texted me a paragraph calling me horrible for this.
He got mad because I said he never did anything for my sister even though he opened his home to us when we both got kicked out but I meant he never gives her rides because he can’t drive.
I never responded to his message and I didn’t apologize to my sister either but now they’re throwing shots on their Instagram stories saying their feelings weren’t acknowledged so, AITJ?
Why are they demanding an apology from me if I did nothing wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Everyone in this story sounds kinda terrible except maybe your sister’s friend. Anthony seems to have been the one who started all of this first. You should have shut him down.
Why is it ok for him to say no one will ever love your sister and use homophobic slurs but saying his mother didn’t love him is crossing a line. At every stage you seem to have encouraged the nonsense talking and you are definitely the jerk for that.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is either rage bait or you really are that dense letting anyone (grown men or otherwise) demean and insult your sister under the guise that it’s “jokes”. And let’s be clear if this is real, they aren’t jokes because you admit to talking horribly about her in a private group chat.
Her friend, who you and your friend use slurs against – yes it’s 2023 and still horrible, let you live with him but “has done nothing for you or your sister”. Spare me. You’re a pick me. It’s sad.” ObsecureAccount
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You should have told your friends to cool it. Your friend is a body shamer. It doesn’t matter if he is overweight or not. Overweight people also body shame people of their own size. It is messed up for your “friends” to say mean nonsense to someone younger than them.
You’re two-faced for hanging out with your sister and talking nonsense behind her back. It is messed up that you don’t feel the need to apologize. This goes to show that you’re a jerk. Stop hanging out with your sister. She deserves better than being around verbally abusive people.” [deleted]
