People Seek Direct Feedback For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Wife's Sister?
“My wife’s sister and her partner have a 4-year-old daughter together. He’s been out of work for a long time. She works only part-time. My MIL at one point refused to give them any more money. Which only caused them to start asking us almost every week for the last several months.
My MIL is on a fixed income and should not be giving a penny of her money to anyone so I was glad she stopped.
I’ve paid their rent, electric, and water bills. Prevented their vehicle from being repoed. Gave them money for food.
It got old after a while. Every time I handed them money, their request for more came quicker and quicker. Finally, I put my foot down, I told my wife we’re not giving them any more money. He’s had plenty of time to find work, and literally in our area jobs are everywhere.
His excuse is he’s holding out for a good-paying job. My logic is that if you can’t put bread on the table, you’ll take any job you can get.
Every time they asked for money, my wife would hand me the phone because she had issues telling them no. They started with their sob stories.
I stayed firm on my stance. Then they called begging for food money. I went to the grocery store and spent nearly $300 to stockpile them with essentials and food. When I pulled into their driveway, he came out and said… ‘It’s about time you got here.’
After that, I was completely done. No more favors, nothing. I’m done. I won’t help ungrateful people. My wife says I can’t do that because they have a child. I told my wife, if they really love their daughter they will do whatever it takes to give her shelter, food, water, and clothing.
Wife says, if you don’t give them money, they’re going to expect to move in with us when they lose their house. I felt my wife was using a manipulative tactic so I would cave.
I told my wife, if she’s that concerned about her niece then she needs to place a call to CPS.
My wife lost her marbles and asked me if I was out of my mind. I don’t want to see any child go without. I really don’t. But us giving them free handouts is only enabling the both of them. If he had been out of work for a few months, maybe a year then things would be entirely different.
Wife’s claim: If it was just her sister and partner, my actions of not helping them would be justified because they’re capable adults. But because there is a child involved, I’m a heartless jerk for not caring about the child’s well-being.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Some people you just can’t help. You do it once and then they demand more and more and eventually start feeling entitled to it. Like you owe THEM. It is just enabling. As long as they have other people to pay their bills they’ll continue to do what they’re doing.
Which is nothing. Also, it sucks your wife has issues telling them no, but it’s really unfair for her to continuously throw you under the bus and make you the bad guy that won’t feed their entitlement.” ConferenceDecent4222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your wife what about your household and future financial stability?
Ask her why won’t she speak with her sister and tell her that you can’t support another household? Why doesn’t your wife ask her sister why she and her husband won’t do better to raise their daughter? Point out to your wife that you work for what you have and the security of your finances, so why can’t they?
You are right, don’t you dare give them another dime, a grocery store trip, nothing. If they lose their home, they can go to a shelter – not move in with you. They can sign up for food stamps/assistance if they need groceries. If your wife really wants to help – help them both find jobs, set up interviews, or put in a word for them somewhere.
They’ve both grown lazy, complacent, and entitled with all the help that you and MIL have given them. Something tells me that your SIL will snap out of it when she is facing homelessness, even if she has to get rid of her husband to do it.
Stand firm OP, tell your wife no more handouts and that they will never be allowed to lay their heads under your roof. Make sure you tell her that this is a non-negotiable for you and your hill to die on.” moew4974
22. AITJ For Telling My Cousin's Partner The Truth About Her Pregnancy?
“I (27F) have been mostly no contact with my cousin Rachel (26F) for 6 years now. We used to be close but she & her mom were very jealous & competitive so we cut contact & only saw them at family gatherings.
She recently got in contact with me around 1-1.5 years ago because she moved into the same building as me, I tried to keep my distance because she likes to copy me & sabotage me. I saw her almost every day but only exchanged greetings with her.
She’s invited herself over to my apartment but I have always made up some excuse.
She introduced herself to my friends/acquaintances in the building as my sister & I got into their circle.
Rachel was going out with a resp tech (45M) who worked in the same hospital as me.
I know she’s pregnant (around 2 months now) with his child but has told him that it isn’t his (this is information shared by Rachel). She started going out with Tom (23M) around a month ago. Tom is the younger brother of one of my close friends, I have basically seen him grow up in front of my eyes.
He’s a nice dude but he’s pretty clueless when it comes to relationships. Everyone also knows that Tom’s family is very rich.
Yesterday I was invited to a dinner at Tom’s house where he announced he & Rachel were expecting a child together & asked for our blessings.
I knew Rachel was trying to baby-trap him so I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. I told them the truth & Tom’s brother demanded he get a paternity test done.
Rachel started crying & saying she was having abdominal pain & it was my fault.
She accused me of being jealous & not a feminist? She was in pretty bad shape so we took her to the ER (they said everything was fine).
Tom’s now demanding a paternity test.
My phone has been blowing up with some family members saying I’m a jerk & I ruined her life.
I get the news regarding pregnancy is private but should I not have said anything?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ. Because if she was already pregnant when she met Tom, then that’s gonna rear its ugly head at some point. He has every right to a paternity test. A friend of mine had a girl telling him she was pregnant with his kid for about six months, and people in her family KNEW she was lying.
She wasn’t pregnant at all. But he was giving her a bunch of money for stuff, thinking she was spending it on things for their kid. Then somebody finally spoke up and said something, and he was SO upset. She finally had to admit that she was lying.
Tom deserves better.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin was actively lying to Tom about the paternity of the child. He deserved to know the truth. I swear, men are often the target for the ‘worst person’ award, but it’s women like your cousin who fly under the radar that hurt good men and give them baggage that some other woman has to deal with.
For any of your family supporting her in this lie, take it as the lesson it is. You now know what kind of people they really are. Rachel made choices and decisions but tried to take away Tom’s opportunity to make informed choices based on having all the information.
For all she knows, he would have been willing to accept her and the baby. I’m glad you have morals, OP.” moew4974
21. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Stand Up To Her Cousin?
“I (32f) have four kids with my husband, my oldest is 15f. My SIL has a son that’s 12 years old, and is the same size as my daughter (she’s 5’2). And we’ll call my oldest Sal, and my nephew Tom. And he has a bullying problem because apparently, Tom likes to pick on some of the kids that live in the same building as him.
My SIL dropped him off at my house yesterday for me and my husband to talk to him, and for Sal to talk to him as well. But come to find out not only was his bullying verbal, but it was physical as well. So Sal is having her supervised chat with him, and she’s telling him to knock it off and things like that.
But the problem is Tom has an ‘I’m better than you and don’t have to listen’ attitude. So he’s trying to justify why he’s bullying these kids younger than him. So Sal got frustrated with him and told him ‘Since you like to bully kids that are younger than you, and smaller than you, bully me.
Call me names and pick on me, treat me how you like to treat these younger kids.’
And since they’re the same size Tom didn’t really want to bully her, didn’t want to talk to her the way he does the kids in his building.
After a while, my husband and I had a chat with him as well, and my SIL came to pick him up. Apparently, his father didn’t like how Sal was talking to Tom, saying that she was too rough with him, too mean. And got upset saying that my husband and I were raising a bully.
So we tried to explain to him how we spoke with him, and Sal spoke with him. One because he listens to his older cousin, and two because she’s been bullied. She knows what it’s like to go through that. And we figured he’d listen better if he spoke to someone who’s been bullied in the past.
SIL’s husband didn’t want to hear it and was adamant about the fact that Sal was being too rough with Tom. Tom’s father called me and my husband bad parents for letting it happen and is saying how he doesn’t want Tom to be around a bully.
AITJ for letting my daughter be ‘too rough’ with her younger cousin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter was trying to teach your nephew a valuable lesson about empathy and respect. She was not bullying him, she was challenging him to see how his actions affect others.
She did not physically or verbally abuse him, she simply asked him to treat her the way he treats his victims. Your nephew’s father is in denial and needs to face the fact that his son is a bully and needs to change his behavior.
You and your husband are good parents for trying to help your nephew and for supporting your daughter.” Beat_The_Game
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BiL is the bad parent. Now you know why he’s been getting away with being a bully for so long.
Maybe it’s worth checking in with SiL, mentioning what her husband said to see if she feels that way too.
I honestly thought you were going to say that Sal bullied Tom because she was older than him and gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Not just talk to him/confront him about her terrible attitude.
Kid had a wake-up call. Now he’s either going to learn from it or be worse for it. Especially with his dad enabling it.” ConfusionPossible590
20. AITJ For Telling My Son To Move Out Over Pizza?
“My son (26) lives in my basement suite. He has everything down there. My wife won’t let me charge him rent because he is saving up to buy a house. Sure he is. He has a new car, a new motorcycle, and a gaming computer that is probably worth about $5,000.
I came home the other day and there was a pizza on the counter. My wife wasn’t home so I had been planning on just having a soup and sandwich for supper but I was happy that she had gotten me a pizza. I grabbed a couple of slices and sat down to watch TV.
My son came up, saw me eating pizza, and started yelling at me for eating food he paid for himself. This is rich. He usually eats with us every day and eats food that I pay for.
I told him that it was on the counter in my house and that made it food for me.
He has his own kitchen downstairs and if he doesn’t want me to eat his food he should keep it down there. He didn’t agree and kept yelling. I told him that it was time for him to move out. Four years of living in my house rent-free as an employed adult was enough and it was time to go.
He shut up, took his pizza, and went downstairs. When his mom got home she was mad at me. He works hard for his money and when he buys himself a treat I shouldn’t help myself to some of it. I’ve pretty much had it with her too.
I told her that she had to start paying for his food and utilities since she was the one who thought he should not pay anything to live here.
She works part-time at her parents’ company and uses the money for herself. I am the primary earner.
I pay for literally everything. Except for her little luxuries. She pays for that stuff herself.
She said that she would not. I said that I was cutting the household budget by one-third. She and her son were responsible for that part from now on.
They are both mad at me for starting this fight over some pizza.”
Another User Comments:
“Truth be told, this is about so much more than the pizza. He wants to be king of the castle and not contribute a thing, so boundaries definitely need to be set.
If your wife wants to help him get a house, cool. Set a goal for a date and how much to save in that time. If he’s nowhere close then that’s all the evidence you need that he’s not really trying and is just freeloading.
Your wife might be a tough one to convince but having her pitch in should definitely show her that she’s putting unreasonable expectations on you that she herself can’t even, or won’t, fulfill.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is coddling a grown man which is not doing him any favors.
His quality of life would be better if he had his own home and could move on in his life but she is doing everything to keep him in her basement like a little kid. I know they can’t see it because they are focused on pizza and money, but this isn’t a dignified life for him and you wanting him to move out is not punishment, but a different kind of help and love.” SnooPets8873
19. AITJ For Reducing Child Support?
“I have an 18-year-old daughter attending college next month. Her mom and I are not together and have not been since she was born. I have always been part of her life and paid child support since she was born which I was always happy to do.
I also bought her a car when she turned 16 and paid for anything else they asked for.
When she started looking at colleges they did not involve me. She is very smart and received between 100-75% scholarships to all schools she applied except for Alabama.
LSU would have been 15k a year, all other schools 5k or free. They chose Alabama which costs 53k a year out of state. They did not ask what I could afford or what I could help with. Once she accepted her mom told me she had not saved anything for school and I would have to pay for everything.
I learned this 2 weeks before the bill was due.
I make a good living and thankfully have been saving for school for the last 18 years. I found a way to pay for this year and went back to the state we have child support set up asking for a reduction since I was paying this huge bill each year and my daughter would no longer live at home.
The reduced support went from 2k a month to 500.
Her mom learned of this and was furious. She has accused me of being a terrible father, no longer supporting my child, told my daughter I was no longer going to support her and that she would have to transfer out of school at the semester to come back home and go to a local school so she could keep receiving the same support as before.
I am devastated. My daughter won’t speak to me. They are so offended by my actions and I am starting to feel I did something wrong and handled this poorly. Is there something I am not seeing and am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t just spring a $50k+ bill on someone two weeks before it’s due, wow!
Reducing child support is an appropriate response to such an unbelievable demand, especially since it was assumed you’d pay for all of it, though if you did it without telling your ex I can see it would be a shock – but no more of a shock than you had.
What is your ex going to do when the support stops? Because it will be stopping at some point.
Your ex sounds like a total nightmare and I’m sorry you have to deal with her. This ALL could have been avoided had she simply included you in the process of choosing schools.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“You should have a conversation with your daughter.
She is 18 years old and there is no need for your ex to be involved in communications between the two of you now.
Ask her out to lunch and tell her the reality of the situation.
Frankly, your daughter should have been the one to tell you her plans and expectations of you paying well ahead of time.
Talk to her like an adult – that is what she is – and stick to your guns. She’s lucky to have a father who can provide the way you do.
You are being completely fair and reasonable. If she is smart, she will see past your ex’s manipulations. NTJ.” Shmoesfome
18. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Fiancée About His Kids?
“I (22F) have an older brother (28) whom we’ll call Jamie. We’ve been roommates since I was about 17. In that time, I’ve seen a lot of girls come and go, even when he was in a relationship with different girls.
I’m not a huge fan of his actions or how he treats women in general, but it’s his life and he’s free to mess it up as much as he wants so I turn a blind eye to it.
He has four kids. His oldest daughter is 10 and is the only one that he actually pays any child support on, but he rarely sees her.
The other two are twin boys (4) that he has with one of my close friends. She didn’t take him to court, so I do my best to provide for them if she needs help. His son I don’t really know much about. I think he’s around 8?
He doesn’t want kids and doesn’t see them but maybe a handful of times around the year and doesn’t see his 8-year-old son at all. He calls the ones he has ‘accidents’ and has said before that he wishes he hadn’t had them because he gets irritated when their mothers call him.
So essentially what happened was 3 years ago, Jamie met a girl named Natalie and they immediately hit it off. She’s moved into our apartment and I like her well enough. With his habits, I didn’t expect her to last very long, but she surprised us both.
Since I planned on moving out in a few months, she’d been talking about renovating my room and all sorts of stuff they could do with the space. She even laughingly said that ‘Maybe it could be a nursery’. I thought it was a joke and brushed it off.
Well, a couple of weeks ago, while I was out at dinner with my friends, he had decorated the apartment and proposed to her. I congratulated them and didn’t have any problems with this until a few nights ago when we were all drinking and talking.
Natalie was gushing about her plans for the wedding, her bridesmaids, and her new ring. Here’s what went wrong. She mentioned how she wanted kids as soon as she could and how she could see my brother being the best dad.
I started laughing. Basically what I said was: ‘He hasn’t been the best dad to the four he has now.’
She asked what I meant and my brother started to freak out. I realized she didn’t know and explained how he wasn’t raising his kids and how he didn’t even want to see them and didn’t want kids at all. Apparently, he hadn’t told her about any of this.
My brother was wasted and started yelling so I called a friend and left. I stayed away a day or two and he blew up my phone. I guess he and Natalie are fighting horribly and he blamed me for it. I ruined his engagement and I’m a jerk for telling her as it ‘should’ve been his choice to tell her about the kids’.
Our parents agree with him and haven’t been talking to me.
Honestly, I feel like I warned her before things got too serious, even if it wasn’t deliberate. He should’ve told her before about them. So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she should have known about your brother’s kids before they even got engaged let alone married as it has the potential to negatively affect her in the long run if any of his baby mamas decide to take his butt to court for child support.
Plus you know, her putting her trust in a liar and a trashy parent.
Your parents agreeing with him is deplorable. What kind of sick people think it’s okay to hide their children from potential significant others, one which has their heart set on starting a family and having children no less.” Geekrock84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and thank God for you! Honestly, I’m a little concerned if she’s still living in the apartment with him. She should be staying anywhere but with your brother right now. The fact that your brother had not told her but had the balls to propose to her and let her prance around talking about weddings and babies is disturbing.
He is the way he is because it seems like your parents co-sign whatever nonsense he is selling. Don’t be like them. His poor children have gotten a raw deal in every sense of the word. You may have saved this young lady from years of heartache.
He has already literally wreaked havoc on four innocent kids and yet he somehow believes that he deserves this fairy tale ending?
I don’t think you did anything intentionally nasty and you are definitely not the jerk here. But until your brother starts cleaning up the wreckage of his past and trying to be a decent human being to the lives he brought into this world he doesn’t deserve anything good coming his way.” Jovon35
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Little Sister?
“So my (21M) little sister (19F) who we’ll call Sarah, has very severe mental health issues. She’s been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for a few years now and needs full-time care and supervision.
I moved out last year and now live about an hour away, and since then I’ve been avoiding going home.
My mom (54F) and Sarah message me a lot asking when I’m gonna come over, saying how much they miss me, etc., and I’ve been visiting once every few months when I feel like I can’t blow them off anymore. All the other times I either ignore them or say I’m too busy (I’m at college and working, so it’s not unrealistic).
I’m genuinely so torn over the way I’ve been acting. Every time I go home I have to steel myself for how exhausting it’s going to be because I know my mom is only really asking me to come home so I can look after Sarah for a bit.
We’re not remotely close at all, and she doesn’t really hold any interest in my life because of Sarah’s condition and how consuming taking care of her is. I’m in therapy at the moment trying to deal with family trauma, and I just do not have the energy or the tools to be the caretaker that Sarah needs.
I feel awful for saying it, but I dread spending time with her because of how fatigued and stressed it makes me. The only thing that gives me comfort is that Sarah has a pretty good support system at home in the form of my parents and some good friends and it’s not like I’m taking away her only support by not being there.
My significant other (21F) reassures me that I’m taking the time away from my family to heal, because I need it, and she’s right; I’ve been more mentally healthy in the past year than ever in my life. But on the other hand, I can’t help but think it’s cruel of me to up and leave Sarah to live my life when she needs support, and as distant as our relationship is I feel bad for leaving my mom too.
I worry that it’s selfish of me to take my chance at escaping and leave everyone else behind to deal with it. Every time I tell Sarah I’m too busy this weekend I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t bear the responsibility for your sister.
That being said, perhaps you could find some respite care to help your mom? There are community organizations that will have someone come to the home to care for your sister for a few hours and give your mom a chance to get out of the house.
She can recharge, run errands, see a movie, whatever while someone else takes that responsibility for a little while. It would be great for your mom and Sarah may appreciate the opportunity to interact with someone else.” Jellissimo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like having space serves you and your mental health well.
As they say: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Your family was so consumed with taking care of your sister (and it was understandably exhausting for them), that it seems like they did not ‘fill your emotional cup’.
You are young, you are dealing with your own trauma, and studying at the same time.
If you feel that they call you mostly not to spend time with you, but just to make you work on taking care of her, and you have felt not really cared about for years, then your reluctance to go is very understandable.
First, fill your cup.
And I can get your parents’ perspective a bit, but at this stage first take care of yourself. Then, maybe in time, use a therapist’s help if you want to slightly work on family relationships.
But dude, at this stage first take care of your mental health, well-being, yourself.” just-a-redhead
16. WIBTJ If I Ban My Partner's Friend From Our House?
“My partner (32M) has asked me (27F) to move in with him. He’s here with me as I type this. I want to move in with him, but I would have one rule: that his one friend, Fred (39M), not be allowed to come over.
My partner can still hang out with him just not come over to ‘our’ place.
I met my partner’s friends last Thanksgiving at Fred’s. I got along great with all his friends, except for Fred. Fred made me uncomfortable. He was weirdly touchy-feely at first and hugged me when we met.
When I tried to pull away he hugged me tighter. I was invited to play a game of Magic with my partner, Fred, and another friend George.
George is autistic, and during the party, he ended up having a small meltdown after I did something that triggered it.
My brother is autistic so I felt really guilty. Fred became weirdly defensive of me at that point. Fred’s partner took me to another room to get away from the situation and let them help George calm down. Fred followed us and kept ranting saying he’d kick George out and I didn’t need to worry and it wasn’t my fault and I was more welcome there than George was and a bunch of other really weird things.
He then tried to hug me again to ‘calm me down’.
He’s tried to hug me more times since then. When I told him that I’d prefer not to be hugged he sulked and guilted me into letting him hug me ‘one last time’.
He then like smelled my hair when he did it? He laughed it off. He hasn’t hugged me since though but he does still try for physical contact in some way each time.
His partner and I have gotten close so we all go out a lot.
One time Fred forced himself between my partner and me on a couch when we were hanging out. He threw his arm around my shoulder and I ended up having to move to another seat to get away from him. He booked us all movie tickets and made it so we sat beside each other.
I switched seats with my partner once so I didn’t have to sit beside him and he complained. He messages me more than my own friends. I don’t reply much. Some of his messages get really personal, like he was telling me about his past bedroom encounters or medical problems (I am a nurse so this isn’t too strange).
He’s made jokes about us having cute babies together and ‘if only we’d met earlier’.
Recently I caught him looking at my IG photos during a get-together. He tried to hide his phone but I saw it. Later that night I got a notification at like 3 AM that he’d liked an old beach post I made.
He immediately undid it but him looking at old swimsuit photos of me from years ago at 3 AM was my last straw.
He hasn’t done anything really worth banning him from the house over. He has a partner that I am really close to as well and I know this could affect the friend group’s dynamic.
I feel like I might be the jerk for banning him solely over the ‘creepy feeling’ I get. He may just be a really sociable guy and I’m the weird one. My partner says he’s fine banning him because he wants me to be comfortable in my living space.
WIBTJ if I banned him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Fred really, really is. I am glad your partner is being supportive, but listen – Hey Partner! You need to talk to your dude Fred because that is some seriously obnoxious, very unsettling behavior. Frankly, I’m kind of disgusted your partner hasn’t had a Come to Jesus conversation with him A.
your discomfort and B. his minimizing of said discomfort. Ick. Honestly, I don’t know if I would make any plans to move in until this is addressed. You don’t want to lose your housing if your partner and Fred decide that maybe it’s not a big deal. Settle this first.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust your instincts. This creep doesn’t just give a ‘creepy feeling’, he’s stomped through all your boundaries and preyed on you all he can. He’s a confirmed predator. PLEASE STAY SAFE. Why is your partner still friends with him after all this?
Why has your partner done nothing each time Fred crossed a clear boundary in his presence?? Why is his partner still with him? Get away from this monster, and at the very least make sure you’re never in his presence without lots of others around.” EfficientAbalone4565
15. AITJ For Not Letting Kids Take My Spot At A Concert?
“Last week my husband and I went to a concert. It was our first concert in many years and we were very excited about it.
The concert was general admission, so your spot was first come first serve. We got there very early and both decided to not drink to make sure we could save our spot as best as we could.
We get to the front of the stage and wait for a couple of hours. The crowd starts to come in and begins to thicken as the start of the show gets closer. We meet another couple who is a lot of fun, and we are all having a great time.
Suddenly, I noticed two young girls standing behind us. They are probably 10-12 year age range. I saw them, smiled, then turned back around. I thought it was kind of funny that they were there because it was a rock concert and there was a lot of drinking, but my parents took me to concerts too, so whatever.
After the opening act, their mother pokes me in the back asking if her daughters can have my place so they can see better. I told her no, and that I’d been standing there for a couple of hours. She gets mad and just says ‘Unbelievable, they’re children.
It’s their first concert!’ She proceeds to ask the couple next to us and again, they refuse too. She kept making comments for a while, saying ‘I know girls, it would be nice to see’ and ‘Ugh, I know I can’t see either!’ They left 30 minutes into the show, and I later saw them enjoying ice cream.
I told my mom the story and she was basically saying she would give up her spot because they’re kids and we are adults and she would give up her spot for kids. I told her I believe kids are learning their entitlement from their bulldozer parents.
So, AITJ for refusing to give up my spot for kids? What would you have done?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly I’m so sick of parents thinking the world owes kids something because they’re kids. Newsflash to parents: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR KIDS BUT YOU.
I’ve had so many parents try and make me feel bad for not doing something because well it’s a child. I don’t care, LOL. Give up my seat on an airplane? Nope. Give up the sports memorabilia a player gave to me specifically? Nope. Pet my dog?
Nope. Let a kid watch my tablet? Nope. Maybe I’m a jerk but honestly, I don’t care. The entitlement of people is unreal. You went there hours ahead of time to get a good seat. You paid to see the concert just as they did.
I’m glad you said no.” kcbrand5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you paid for the same tickets as everyone else and they could have gotten there early like you to get ‘good spots’. It’s not your fault or responsibility to move for them to have a better spot.
That is the issue with so many people today, they think they deserve to be treated special or that others should automatically lose out so that they win so to speak. The world is not a fair place and when you don’t teach kids that lesson they grow up acting entitled and rude!!” Scarletzoe
14. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can't Blame Her Ex For Not Wanting To Raise Their Child?
“I (22f) have a sister ‘Kate’ (29f) who I do love but am both frustrated and worried for her because she’s not seeing the metaphorical writing on the wall. Ever since she was a teenager she’s always seemed disinterested in babies and children. In college, she said that she was childfree, and while our parents were either upset or dismissive, I was supportive.
I was the willing listening ear to her complaints about getting frustrated at not being able to find a doctor who wouldn’t help her prevent getting pregnant permanently or Health Insurance refusing to pay for something that was deemed ‘elective’ and ‘unnecessary.’ She was constantly told that she would ‘change her mind’ and other stuff and a lot of other family members would trick or pressure Kate into babysitting in order to help show her how wonderful children were.
It caused a lot of turmoil in her romantic life, which is why I was so happy for her when she started going out with ‘Austin’ (37m) who was also childfree. They got married and everything seemed great until Kate got pregnant. Austin had a vasectomy and Kate was on birth control.
I’m not too sure about all the medical terms but Kate took some antibiotics that affected her birth control. After a non-invasive DNA test proved that Austin was the father he apologized for accusing her of having an affair. Going forward, I thought Kate would end the pregnancy because that’s what she said she would always do but she confided in me that something in her changed and she wants to keep it.
Austin moved out and Kate has been crying. I don’t like seeing my sister sad and I hate that she has to go through this but I was completely upset at our mom for telling Kate that Austin would change his mind and to just give him some time.
I didn’t like how she and SIL were trying to paint this fantasy in her head but kept quiet in the moment because I didn’t feel like that was an appropriate moment.
Kate has now progressed to the point where she’s going to have the baby and during that time Austin has not once responded to her calls, or messages, even gone to any appointments, and has blocked several members of the family from reaching out to him on Kate’s behalf.
Eventually, he sent divorce papers and a note saying he would pay whatever child support was needed once the baby was born but to never contact him directly again. Kate started crying and once again mom and SIL kept saying that Austin didn’t really mean it, that he still needed more time, and that once the baby was actually here he’d be an involved parent.
I was at my limit and told her in the calmest and most polite way possible that Austin was never shy about his intent on not being responsible for a child and that while it would be great for him to change his mind, Kate needed to be realistic and start preparing for life as a single mother.
Kate burst into tears and now SIL, mom, dad, and most of Kate’s friends are calling me a heartless jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s important to realize that Kate likely hasn’t changed her mind about being child-free either. But she’s affected by pregnancy hormones and making maladaptive choices (which are still hers to make).
If she chooses to complete the pregnancy and raise this child herself, both she and the child will likely be in for decades of misery from her bitter anger. If anything, your family should be gently steering her towards giving the child up for adoption.” Red_orange_indigo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Austin doesn’t sound evil to me. He was upfront about not wanting kids. And anyone involved in any court case should go for the most beneficial outcome for them. Austin’s lawyer should push for things favorable to Austin, that’s the lawyer’s job.
This is why you are right, your sister needs to wise up and fast. She needs a lawyer who’ll fight to get the best possible outcome for her and her child. This can be done and your mom and sister can still prattle on about how Austin will change his mind.
It’s better to prepare for the worst. The best can still happen but you need to be ready for the worst.” disruptionisbliss
13. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor My Mom Took His Package?
“I (19f) opened the door a few weeks ago and found a package for someone who did not live here but was addressed to our address, at first I thought it could be our neighbor to our left but they very openly have a confederate flag and I as a black female did not feel comfortable going to their house nor have I ever spoken to them to be sure.
I was gonna take it to the office and just leave it when my mom said I’ll take it over there. I hesitated but ended up giving it to her regardless and a couple of days later said neighbor came asking about his package.
Turns out he was from a different floor but the same number as us (like if we were 120 he was 220) when he said his name I was like oh sure my mom has it hold on and when I asked her about it she started screaming saying she didn’t.
I kept saying but I gave it to you but she just yelled and called me a liar.
I feel bad but I lied and said it was at the office and to check there hoping she’d put it there. He came back every day for 3 days looking for this package and I told him what happened to it.
I apologized and offered to reimburse him and everything but he declined, saying it wasn’t my fault. My mom apparently overheard this because when I got back from work that night she started yelling about me trying to ruin her reputation by constantly bringing it up.
I never did, our neighbor just kept looking for it. She kept screaming about how I was always trying to make her look bad to get back at her because I couldn’t let anything go.
After a while of arguing, I said ‘You shouldn’t have stolen it if you didn’t want anyone to know.’
She completely lost it, after that tossing my stuff, cats included, outside and telling me to get out of her house. I told her she was being dramatic but I wasn’t gonna deal with it. My cats and I got a hotel for the night.
My sister and mom have been texting me nonstop, telling me to apologize and I could come back but I refused.
Now here’s why I may be the jerk: My mom texted me ‘I know you don’t like me but you’re acting ridiculous I have gotten better and you know it.’
Which I can’t deny is true she went from being fully abusive to only verbal and has tried to get better at parenting but I’m already 19 it’s a little too late for that. I started to think that maybe I should just apologize and I should’ve just said we never received the package especially since there weren’t any consequences the neighbor never came back and we never got in trouble.
I’m also running out of money staying in a motel in a bad area so my cats don’t get kicked out and am making them suffer because I won’t apologize.
So am I the jerk and should I just apologize for telling the truth?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she also thought it belonged to the person with a Confederate flag, it would be illegal and punishable by law for her to steal their package. I get it, when people are outwardly against who you are, how tempting it is to get even or inconvenience them.
She put y’all at great risk, though. If the person who actually did purchase the box informed the landlord, y’all would probably all be kicked out. Also, I don’t think the landlord would care if it was because of the flag (as much as I wish they wouldn’t allow symbols of that nature on rented properties, but that’s an entirely different issue).
Also, saying ‘I’ve gotten better’ because she’s now only abusing you in 2 (emotional and verbal) ways instead of 3 (physical, emotional, and verbal) isn’t actually a reason for anything, ever. You don’t get to bring up things you CHOSE to do to HURT your kids or other people and expect the people you hurt to be like ‘Ah yeah that makes sense’ because it doesn’t.” SnowWhiteIRL1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP – as someone who works in social work and has my own history of being abused, I want you to really hear what I’m about to say: It does not matter if your mom has become less abusive over time.
Most likely she has become less abusive because you are physically able to fight back and not because she has changed. She is gaslighting you by forcing you to agree with her that she is ‘less abusive’. She has not changed and likely never will.
I’m not saying you should cut off contact or not move back, that’s up to you. What I am saying is don’t let her tell a narrative about her own behavior that reduces her culpability or lets her off the hook. She is fully responsible for her behavior and it doesn’t sound like she has any desire to change.
She will continue to mistreat you. I and many others did not fully learn this lesson until we were much older and went back to our abusers over and over hoping for a different outcome. Please don’t make that same mistake.” Appropriate_Speech33
12. AITJ For Kicking My Pregnant Godmother Out Of Our House?
“I (14F) have a godmother and mother (best friends), both around the age of 30. For context, my godmother has lived in our house for years now, a four-bedroom house (at the time) with 6 people including her.
This meant that I had to share a room with my younger sister for practically my whole life, and my brother who was going into high school was still sharing a room with our little brother.
My mother and GM often fought, which would result in slammed doors and yelling or one of them abruptly leaving the house and driving off in a rage.
As I grew older I started to realize just how toxic my GM was and how my mother and GM’s relationship wasn’t healthy as my godmother would use my mom for countless things. For example, my GM never paid bills, did anything around the house nor did she even feel like a second parent to me and my siblings, and she always gave mom more stress and isn’t even grateful.
My GM had gotten pregnant. The father of the child was a deadbeat and most likely got her pregnant during one of the nights she would sneak men into our house. Even then she wasn’t going to move out. I eventually got tired of my mom being a pushover and everyone in the family having to fake nice with her.
So, one night I was talking to my mom about it, and she decided to have a family talk about it. I didn’t agree, as I wasn’t ready to tell my GM yet, but when she got home my mom called a family meeting. I told my GM that she didn’t feel like another mother to me and that I felt that we needed to have a better relationship, she started crying and my mom tried to sugarcoat my words, but it just resulted in my GM storming off into her room.
I went to my room as well, and my mom walked into my room a few minutes later telling me to apologize because my GM wanted to move out. I told her that I didn’t know what else to say and she said that she’d handle that part, but told me to just apologize.
I didn’t trust my mother to tell her the rest of how I felt, so I did it myself. I told my GM that she and her baby were causing my mom stress.
After that, my GM said that I basically wanted her to leave, then asked if that’s what I was saying, I didn’t say anything and she started to pack as she took my silence as an answer.
My mom was crying and told me to tell her that I wanted her to stay, but I didn’t. I’ve wanted this for years and I wasn’t going to take it back as it was too far in to just give up and it is a problem anyway.
My siblings overheard, my older brother was angry and my younger siblings were crying, but I did it for all of us.
And apparently, my GM had made social media posts with quotes that were insulting to me/the situation.
After a while, my great-grandfather told me that it wasn’t my place to do what I did, and obviously, my GM’s side of the family didn’t agree with it either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all this is a very interesting setup of a family. This is my gut telling me your GM & mother might have been in a relationship because I cannot see why would someone put up with a manipulative person for this long without having a strong blinder of emotions over their eyes.
The above might be the reason why even your grandfather kind of scolded you but I believe you did the right thing to cleanse the environment you and your siblings were living in.
Don’t feel ashamed or guilty for saying what you feel. You, at that age, should not even be in this situation.
You as a 14-year-old tried your best to set up a conversation that would convey your thoughts in a civil way.
I would talk my feelings to my mother and grandfather and try to make them understand how this environment has been affecting all the children and how this is a chance for the family to reset psychologically and financially.” ReginaGaen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
All of the issues were already there and your mother was the one who advanced the conversation – this also plays into your great-grandfather’s idea about it being not your place. It sounds like you handled things more maturely than your mother or your godmother did.
Yours is a highly atypical family setup. You refer to your godmother solely as your godmother without really getting into her and your mother’s relationship but I think something broke and you weren’t a party to everything that went on.” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
11. WIBTJ For Claiming Insurance After A Guy Wrecked My Dad's Car?
“It was 1 am and I was in my dad’s parked car, a brand new S class in a big and empty parking lot.
So, while I was on my phone I heard a motorcycle and looked in my blindspot to see the bike park beside a car that was 2 spaces to the right and 1 space back (1 vehicle space between us). I put my phone down and watched as the guy took off his helmet, spoke to his friends about something then drove between the spots.
I observed as he looped around and as he was behind my car he decided to initiate a wheelie, hit the rear end, and fall. I didn’t even get out to check on him, I just sat there thinking, God, man, out of every car in the parking lot he chose this one.
Getting back to my senses I got out, asked him if he was alright, and checked the back. It wasn’t a scrape but the bumper had pieces chipped off. I instantly knew that this wasn’t getting painted, the bumper was getting replaced. So after getting his bike back up, I got his insurance, pink slip, and yadda yadda.
So he keeps begging me ‘Don’t get insurance involved, I can’t afford it, I’m a student.’ So I told him I’ll get a quote from the Mercedes Dealership and whatever that price is you’re going to have to pay, if you don’t I’ll get insurance involved. He said, ‘That’s probably just a couple hundred dollar repair.’ He started laughing, so I fake laughed too and said ‘Yeah, you wish.’
Fast forward to today, I got the quote of $6,500. He’s telling me how he knows a third party that can do it for cheaper, he can’t ask his parents for financial help because of some family issues and I told him without question it was being done through Mercedes and that I won’t go to anyone else.
And I’d pay for my rental while the car is getting repaired.
So, WIBTJ for claiming insurance on him?”
Another User Comments:
“Not only NTJ, but I think letting him off would be the wrong choice.
If he can’t afford the insurance, he shouldn’t be riding the bike.
And, as is obvious to all of us whose frontal lobe is connected, he shouldn’t be pulling wheelies he can’t control next to another vehicle to impress his friends.
So maybe a 6.5k bill will make that clear to him.
Regardless, you shouldn’t have to bear the cost.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go through insurance. You gave him the chance to not go through insurance and told him how much it would be. If he knows a place that does it cheaper, it will likely show in the work they do. He damaged the car, you shouldn’t have to worry about getting shoddy work done on it.
Go through insurance and let them deal with it. He wanted to do a wheelie next to a parked car. Screw his family problems or whatever excuse he has. That’s not your problem. He should have thought about that before doing something that stupid.
He’ll recover financially. His insurance rates will go up, but again, not your problem.” Greasy_Burrito
10. AITJ For Being Upset At My Friend For Changing Our Restaurant Reservation?
“I (33F) have a friend, L (50F). We’ve been friends for 3 years. In the last year, I planned a trip to Vegas with my SO, my bro, SIL, a friend, L, and her SO.
There were 7 of us.
I really wanted to go to this fancy restaurant. It was the one thing I wanted to do, and she actually also asked if we could go to that same place, I said yes I was already looking at making a reservation.
I had to book online in advance, I talked to L’s SO and my bro and we paid to make it extra special for the women to add roses & extras as a surprise.
On the day of our dinner, L told me that she had friends who wanted to come to visit while we were here for her bday and wanted to come for breakfast but didn’t make it.
Now she wants to add them to our dinner reservation.
I reached out to the restaurant, and they told me that they couldn’t add 2 people to our reservation, the dining room was already full, but they could put us in the bar lounge. I really wanted to eat here for the food and view.
(the view high over the strip) You don’t get that in the lounge. My bro and SO agreed we didn’t want to do it either.
I chose to omit the lounge, I texted L & let her know that they cannot add 2 more people in the dining room.
L says, that doesn’t make sense, why can’t they? I let her know 9 was too many, then asked L if I should see if we could split the reservation into 2 tables of 5 and 4. L responded, well we can go to dinner somewhere else then. They drove all the way out here as a surprise, I want all of us to eat together.
I said no, I would be charged to cancel. L responds with what? I’ve never heard of that. (I didn’t reply) 5 minutes later I got a text on my phone from the restaurant that my reservation had been changed to add 2 more people and moved us to the lounge.
She called the restaurant under my name. L texted me, it’s okay I called them and now we are all in the lounge. (I was pretty mad about this). After 10 minutes, I got another message from the place that the reservation was changed again and instead of the 9 in the lounge, it was back to 5 in the dining room & a text from L changing it back to the dining room and she will go out and eat at another restaurant with her friends as they didn’t have the proper attire to wear, but wanted us to all eat together for her bday.
I didn’t reply. I called my bro and HE asked if I just wanted to eat somewhere else. I flat out said no, I’m eating there tonight, whether it just be with my SO, or if they wanted to eat with us too that’s fine.
But I wasn’t incurring fees to cancel, and I didn’t want to anyway.
Ever since we haven’t spoken to each other. L’s always been the kind of person who will not apologize as she thinks she never does anything wrong.
(Reason why I could be the jerk for omitting the part where we could transfer to the lounge, and maybe I should have, so we can all eat together, but this was the 1 thing I got to plan and wanted, we didn’t plan for her surprise guests.
I was already pretty miserable going along with what everyone wanted up to this point.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You planned this trip so everyone could enjoy it. L was ruining the ONE AND ONLY thing you asked for. She was out of line to call the restaurant in your place like that – twice!
– and make the changes. She almost ruined your chance to eat at the restaurant.
Also, how has L never ‘heard’ of cancelation fees from a restaurant? This is pretty common in a lot of places, especially high-end ones. Also, L should have conferred with her friends before even making those calls, especially since they were a waste after the friends didn’t have the appropriate attire.
Let L and her friends enjoy themselves somewhere else. You go and eat at the restaurant you wanted.” the_greek_italian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – L was prioritizing herself and her surprise guests over everyone else. L should have told the surprise guests that she had plans and they could be after or at another time.
L should not have just moved things around simply because it was inconvenient for her regardless of the other 6 people. What this says to me is that L is inconsiderate of others. If this was a one-time issue I’d let it go but if it’s common then I might distance myself from her when you get back home.” lkvwfurry
9. AITJ For Wanting To Go To A Different Restaurant?
“This all started because my class was planning the school trip. It was decided that we would go to a restaurant (I didn’t vote for that, but you know, democracy), and restaurant A was chosen, A was a nice restaurant, and everyone liked it. This was decided when my classmate Ellie was absent, and when Ellie found out, she suggested another restaurant because restaurant A had no vegan menu (we did fail to consider Ellie’s veganism), but that restaurant was far more expensive than the other option.
I’d like you all to know I’m in a private school, and that most of my classmates have a lifestyle with way more commodities than I do, the only reason my family could pay for it was because a grandfather of mine died and left an inheritance, and since my dad wasn’t paying child support, it’s legally mine.
Ellie is your typical white, thin, pretty, and wealthy 17-year-old ballerina, to give an example of the kind of money most people have in my school, Ellie spends 50 USD on her nails every week, and there are only 4 guys who have less than 4 houses. I’m friends with some people and try to hang out with them despite the differences (I just follow them around in the mall and never buy more than a water bottle).
They are nice kids and I’m understanding when it comes to their occasional classism because they have been raised in a bubble.
So when this happened, I tried to nicely tell Ellie I couldn’t pay that kind of money, she said that it was the only vegan restaurant in the city that was available, and that she was sorry, but that I should understand because I was poor and I was often left out.
I responded that I understood that, but I thought she should be the one to let go because she could bring her own food or eat a salad while I couldn’t pay for the fee to go there. She said it’s the same for both of us and I again, said it’s not, she can accommodate a regular restaurant, but I can’t make money appear out of thin air.
After two days, I gave up because everyone was hooked on the second restaurant because it was in fact prettier, and I didn’t want to spoil that because I couldn’t afford it, and everyone was going to know it was my fault we went there.
Ellie got really upset and told me I did all that fuss for nothing, and that I shouldn’t be treating being poor like a personality trait (because since I thought she was a friend, I have been telling her a lot about how stressed I am about the bills and rent) but I have never seriously called myself poor, even though my family is under the poverty line in our country, I never wanted pity.
After she said that, I just took a deep breath, and said ‘I hope you never understand how much this stress does affect your personality, and I know you learn fast, so you will soon realize how wrong you are acting right now’.
Her friend sided with her, and told me I was being insensitive with a person that always has to accommodate the majority, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s not worth the effort anymore if she doesn’t want to extend accommodations where everyone can benefit. It’s like Nelson Mandela said: ‘If wealth is a magnet, poverty is a kind of repellent.’ Friends show compassion regardless of class.
And she doesn’t want to yield to you because it’s about her.” stacity
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mainly because your argument sucks, if she can bring her own food, so can you. She is a bit of a jerk too. But what my biggest issue is, why did you spend that inheritance on a private school, seems like a big waste of money since you can’t afford it.
Should have gone to public school, get some real friends, and actually have a better life and a great start in life with good savings.” User
8. AITJ For Super Gluing Puzzle Pieces?
“I (20F) enjoy doing puzzles in my spare time. I’ve been doing them since I was young, and I’ve made it a point now where all the puzzles I do are a minimum of 1000 pieces. I’m a college student, so I can’t sit there for hours to finish them, so I’ll start one on my dining table and work on it for a few days before it’s completed.
My elder sister came to visit yesterday and she brought her two kids, Matt (10) and Emily (4). I had a puzzle out on my table, and Matt wanted to ‘help’ with it. He also enjoys puzzles, but he’s got developmental delays, so he needs help with them.
With smaller puzzles, this doesn’t bother me, but when he ‘helps’ he is just taking apart pieces of the puzzle that are already done, jumbling the pieces all together again, and then handing me random pieces he picks up and will scream if I don’t immediately find the spot it fits in.
On top of this, he is not at all gentle with the pieces and rips the picture off of them/rips off actual parts of the piece so they can’t connect to one another anymore.
I said no, this is an adult puzzle, and we could do a smaller puzzle later if they brought any with them, but he started screaming.
My sister said to just let him help with a few pieces since they didn’t bring any of his puzzles, and I told her that I didn’t want to lose my progress when he decided to break it all apart. She dropped it, but given that they were staying for a few days, I knew it would come to a head eventually.
Normally I would never do this, but in order to save my progress on the puzzle (and also prove a point to her), I got some super glue and glued all the finished pieces together so they wouldn’t be undone by Matt. Additionally, I took some painter’s tape and put it around the edges of the puzzle, and then laid duct tape over it to secure the finished edges to the table.
Today I got back from my classes and my sister was with Matt while Emily was napping. He saw me and asked to do the puzzle on my table, and I said fine. We sat down and immediately he grabbed for the already done portion of the puzzle.
First I tried to redirect him to finding new pieces, but he started to get screechy so I just let him. He spent the entire time getting progressively more frustrated trying to separate the puzzle from the table so he could take it apart, and my sister noticed after a little bit.
She asked why I felt the need to do all this extra stuff for a puzzle and take away a kid’s fun, and I said that if his fun was going to take away from my stress reliever in my own apartment, I wouldn’t enable it.
She got angry with me and called me mean-spirited because he was just a child. When I asked our eldest sister, she agreed that there was no reason for me to do such things because he was just a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you handled this situation in a super rational way. They’re YOUR puzzles that he’s destroying.
It’s not like you won’t do puzzles with him, just not your nice ones. And when the nice one became the only option, you found a way to allow him to work on the puzzle with you without being able to destroy your progress.
‘Why would you destroy his fun?’
Why should he get to destroy yours? If it’s that important to your sister that he be able to do puzzles, she should make sure she has puzzles he can do. If she forgets them, that sucks, but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your puzzles.
That’s a completely reasonable boundary to set.” finallyinfinite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister knew she was coming to visit. Knows how her son feels about puzzles. Knows you often have puzzles in progress. She should’ve brought puzzles to entertain her kid so he kept his hands off your stuff.
Children don’t get to touch things that are off-limits to them regardless of their disability. Your sister is the jerk for creating this problem.
I don’t know enough about puzzles to say whether or not supergluing was a good thing or not but it seems like it worked so yay you!” Alarming_Reply_6286
7. AITJ For Not Giving The Sales Of My Sister's Sold Furniture To Her?
“My (29f) sister moved back where we grew up and was subletting the pet-friendly basement suite of the house I (34f) rented with my (37m) partner.
Her pets were staying with my parents back home while she settled in (they were left behind while she found a place to live and work). 2020 happened and she lost her job so she decided in the meantime to fly back home to visit my family and get her pets to bring back.
What should have been a short visit became months of her being away. A family emergency occurred so I flew down to help out. When I was set to return, my sister asked if I could bring her dog back with me to make the move back easier.
Having 2 dogs myself, 3rd would have been too much so I said I’d bring back her cat instead.
She was meant to come home a month or less after me but she didn’t. Months later our landlord put our house up for sale, sister is still not back, and after telling her the news she gave me her notice but sure enough left all her things behind including her cat.
This took a huge emotional and financial toll on my partner and me because not only did we have to find a pet-friendly rental place for 3 animals but I had to pay her share of the rent AND figure out what to do with her furniture.
We were lucky enough to find a great rental place with a storage room which made the move and figuring out what to do with her things much easier. It has now been 2 almost 3 years since she left, her cat is still with me (which I am financially responsible for) and because the storage room is shared with 5 other household members there was a discussion about decluttering which meant no choice but to get rid of her things.
My sister was made aware and was told her things were to be sold. I was able to make a pretty penny while selling at a decent price since they were in mint brand new condition.
Now she’s asking for all the money made from her items to be sent to her.
I was baffled, after all the extra things my partner and I had to deal with and the financial aspect she put us through plus paying all the costs of her cat, I felt right for us to keep it as a reimbursement for all the costs.
I understand they were her things but she completely abandoned all of it and her responsibilities leaving me to clean up her mess and she seems to have no understanding of that so AITJ for refusing to give her the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve been way beyond generous.
I’m not even sure you need to provide an accounting of all your expenses as others have said. Apart from all of your financial expenses, you really had a lot going on and stress dealing with her pet and her things. And her audacity to demand ALL of the money – wow.
You would’ve been within your rights to take everything to the dump or donate it all, or whatever. But you chose to sell the stuff instead – you keep the money, no matter what she isn’t entitled to it.” EmeraldBlueZen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d strongly suggest calculating a fair compensation for storage and rehoming fees that you may have had, plus taking a sales commission of a percentage of the goods you sold.
Maybe also lump in the unpaid rent she owed y’all, but be sure to express what exactly she owes y’all. Whatever remains is hers. She does not deserve the entire profit: you had to pay for her storage and did the work of listing and selling her arguably abandoned property (if I recall correctly, I’ve arranged around 10-25% sales commission when I’ve made similar arrangements with friends).
But neither are you entitled to keep the entire profit, as it wasn’t ever yours nor did you lay any rightful claim to it. You were storing it on her behalf by choice. If you didn’t intend on giving her any portion of sales, you should not have sold her stuff and instead told her to come get it in X days or else you’re claiming it.
Of course, none of this applies if her outstanding rent owed to y’all is >= the profits from the sale of her stuff that she agreed to. But you should communicate that and let her know how much she owes/owed and either say this makes y’all square, or it leaves $X remaining.” pdubs1900
6. AITJ For Hanging Out With My Stepmom Instead Of Helping My Mom?
“My mum (49F) has always been tricky with me (19F). When I was 6 she married my stepdad (55M) and he was nice to me before they had their own child.
When my little brother was born suddenly I was not special or loved it was like I was off to the side. My stepdad had his family and I was just the other man’s kid. I never felt like I was a part of that family and that was personified as I got older by my stepdad taking his anger issues out on me.
My mum never defended me either. I tried to tell her how I felt one evening and she woke up with a stress headache the next morning, my stepdad stormed into my room, and shouted in my face that I ‘made my mother ill’ and then he left for work.
I came out of my bedroom and my mum said: ‘He’s not wrong is he.’ After that I gave up trying, I locked myself in my room if I wasn’t at school and spent as much time as I could at my dad’s. It was hard though as my dad lived 10 miles from my mum’s and my school was next to my mum’s house, like I could see it from my bedroom window.
At 16 I left school for sixth form college as we do in England and took this as my opportunity to move out of my mum’s. When I told her this she lashed out at me and didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks because in her words she had ‘tried everything to make you feel like part of this family.’ When it actually came to going to college it made sense to spend 1 night a week at mum’s and every other weekend there, this was the routine she had for me going to my dad’s when I was little, so I didn’t think it really meant I had moved out.
Then the next thing I knew they had booked the first holiday abroad without me because I was ‘too expensive’ even though they went for 11 days and not the usual 7.
Then it was the global crisis and they couldn’t go on that holiday so they booked one in the UK.
I wasn’t invited to that one either. Then it was ‘let’s clear out the loft because there’s so much stuff in there’. The conditions of clearing the loft was that anything I wanted to keep from my childhood at my mum’s, had to go to my dad’s.
But it was never my mum’s idea it was my stepdad’s rule and even she acknowledged that he didn’t want any of my stuff in the house.
So I helped them clear out the loft for 2 days over the summer. When it came on the third day, I knew that there was a country show I wanted to go to so I chose to go to that with my stepmum over clearing out the loft and facing another day of ‘you don’t belong here and neither does any of your stuff.’ My mum seemed ok with it but while I was at the show she kept asking me by text if I wanted to keep stuff and when I replied yes she would instantly say ‘sorry it’s gone.’
Some of my friends seem to think that I should have stayed to help with the loft but they all have their parents together and have never experienced the feeling that you don’t belong anywhere, most people don’t get it. I don’t have one home I have 2 sort of homes and I don’t feel like I belong at one.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t choose your stepmum over your mum. You chose to be around someone who makes you feel welcome and wanted over being in an emotionally abusive household that doesn’t value you or your feelings.
I’m sorry about all your stuff but from my own experiences, I’d prefer the good memories and people over the stuff you had around someone who’s made you feel so negatively.
95% of that stuff you won’t miss as much as you think you would.
Go live your best life and the people who WANT to be in it will be.” KarmaKoncept
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but about the belongings, you say it quite clearly and repeatedly – you aren’t a part of her family and have not been for a long while so what made you think she would keep anything of a person who is not of her family?
She made it clear what she was going to do with the things in her loft if they weren’t cleared. They hold no meaning or sentiment for her.
Accept that your mother as you knew her left a long time ago. She’s finished doing what she was legally obligated to for you.
What is left is how she truly feels and thinks about you. It’s painful but accept it and move on to build relationships with those people who actually care for you regardless of biology or legalities.
I’m sorry and good luck.” mangonlime
5. AITJ For Telling My Ex That I Took His Dog To A Shelter?
“My ex (m 25) and I (F 23) have our own separate dogs from before the relationship. We’ve been together for a year and a half, he’s had Napa (pit) for about 2 years and I got my dog Courage (choc lab) a few months before our relationship.
A couple of months ago my partner and I got into an argument about Courage chewing his things. It started because I heard my dog yelp so loud from another room followed by his incessant screaming at her. I ran in to see what was going on.
I saw him holding her down to the floor by her throat and shoving his smartwatch in her face. I asked him what he thought he was doing putting his hands on my dog when I don’t even do that. He said ‘This jerk chewed my brand new band, I keep telling you to get a hand on your dog’.
I honestly didn’t know how to respond. Courage has been really good about not chewing our things ever since she was little so this was out of the blue. I could only apologize and tell him I could get him a new band but he ain’t ever putting his hands on my dog or we’re thru.
He went on and on about how many things my dog chewed up IN THE PAST so I brought up how his dog deliberately goes into the dirty clothes to chew up my expensive Victoria’s Secret undergarments just yesterday. To which he replied ‘I don’t care about your clothes.
It’s not as expensive as my stuff’.
I just got frustrated and told him ‘Look, you can mistreat your dog all you want and get terrible results but you won’t mistreat mine, you can go home tonight’.
Well, he ended up leaving to go home but sent a bunch of nasty texts.
The next day I broke up with him because of some of the things he said. I had already been feeling like we were on our last threads.
It’s been a few months and I got a call from him today telling me to come get the box of stuff he had for me.
I never went to collect it before because it just wasn’t that important to me. I went over to get my stuff after work and his brother let me in because he wasn’t home. I went to his room to get my stuff and was just shocked at the way he had Napa.
His room was filthy and smelled terrible. Napa was locked up in the room tied to a chair with puppy pads covered in her own urine and feces.
Here is where I think I’m the jerk. I took pictures of Napa and everything and brought her with me back to my house.
I sent the pictures to him and told him I took Napa to a shelter because he was clearly unfit to take care of her. He was furious. He was telling me that she was fine he usually cleans everything up when he gets home.
I didn’t want to hear much else so I told him that Napa was safe and clean. His mother and other family members are all sending me nasty stuff and posting about how I stole my ex’s dog. I didn’t really drop Napa off at a shelter.
She’s with me now comfy on her doggy sofa with Courage. I know she was his first for years but no animal deserves to be treated or left that way. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion because he sounds like a trashy owner who doesn’t deserve any pet (and I would’ve snapped his wrist personally), but you did in fact steal the dog so yeah, there’s going to be some social and most likely legal consequences.
If she was a rescue the shelter may have a policy for negligence leading to reclaiming the dog. If not, look into animal welfare agencies in your area. ASPCA, Humane Society, etc. Different states (assuming US-based) have different laws that can take animal abuse/neglect very seriously, so it’s worth checking out to see if there’s a good way to cover yourself should he pursue legal action.” Bunabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you saved the dog from abuse/negligence… that can lead to aggressive behaviors esp in pits that already have a bad rep for being aggressive…
However though, stealing the dog can get you in some legal trouble/woes… what would have been better (though incredibly sad) is documenting the negligence and reporting to ASPCA/Humane Society, etc., and giving testimony on how he’s mistreated your own dog.
This could at least warrant them to take the dog away and then you could then adopt the dog…” User
4. AITJ For Wanting To Have A Great Honeymoon Instead Of A Big Wedding?
“My parents want me to have a wedding, I’d rather have an awesome honeymoon. My mom has always been a bit controlling. I hate conflict, I hate disappointing people, and I hate stress.
My family consistently stresses me out. The little planning I tried to do was greeted by my sister saying things like ‘It can’t be during my children’s cheerleading.’ ‘I have to be matron of honor’ ‘I can’t afford to get the girls’ outfits, so you’ll have to get those or hire someone to make them’.
My mom constantly was like ‘I don’t think you know the costs of what you want’ ‘I think you should do this instead’.
I got tired of the demands. So I talked to my fiancé and he said ‘Let’s do a courthouse thing instead and use the money we’ve saved to go on an amazing honeymoon’.
So we decided that would be less stressful. And we’d do like a ‘marriage celebration’ with each family. Like a potluck or meet at a restaurant and we would take some pics together at the local park, and get a cheap cake from like Walmart or Sam’s Club.
Well… that went over great when I told my mom (sarcasm).
Basically, she pulled the ‘You’re upsetting your dad because he wanted to walk you down the aisle’ ‘It’s going to be so impersonal’ ‘No one is going to come to a potluck’ ‘You’re only doing the ‘reception’ to get gifts’ ‘Why even take pictures if you’re not having a wedding’.
My fiancé and I want to make memories that will last a lifetime together. While yes a wedding is a great thing, so many people I’ve talked to said they wish they had done a better honeymoon than a wedding. And my fiancé said that with the way I am, I’ll give in to all the demands and I’ll be miserable at a wedding because it’ll become about making everyone else happy.
Like I don’t want to disappoint or hurt my dad, but I just feel more excited to go on a great honeymoon than I ever felt thinking about a wedding. In fact, I just felt dread over a wedding because I was so stressed…
I guess the question is AITJ for putting a honeymoon above a wedding that my family wants more than me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Notice how your dad’s not the one voicing any of these complaints? And even if he did, it’s still not his wedding. Tell your mom it’s clear at this point that you’re going to get unsolicited negative feedback from her no matter what you do, so if she doesn’t want to stop getting updates of any kind on your important life milestones, she needs to quit dumping on everything you tell her and work on being happy for you even if your choices are not the ones she’d make.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In general, I’m not a huge fan of the courthouse wedding, because I believe that you should want to share joyous milestones with your family (whether it’s your chosen family or your b***d family), and that marriage, in particular, is bringing two families together and it’s nice to have an opportunity for everyone to celebrate with you.
But if anyone ever had a good reason for wanting to avoid that, it’s you. Your mother has no one but herself to blame for creating a situation where you don’t feel that a wedding would be a joyous occasion, just a stressful one.
I would encourage you to speak to your father directly, not through your mother, about any disappointment he might feel about missing out on walking you down the aisle.
He’s entitled to be disappointed, but if he loves you and wants what’s best for you, he’ll accept your choice. And maybe there’s an alternative that you two can do instead that will still give you a meaningful daddy-daughter moment.
And feel free to tell your mother that gifts are not required and you don’t mind if people decline to come to your wedding potluck… You are only doing it so people have the opportunity to celebrate with you if they want; it’s not an obligation.” DinaFelice
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Grandma Rides Anymore?
“I (20f), my mother (45f), and my grandmother (71f) all live together.
Currently, my mom is out of town on a work trip so my grandmother and I are the only ones here right now. With my mom gone, that leaves me as the only person in the house with a car, which I’ve only had for a few months.
It’s my first car so I bask in the freedom of being able to go anywhere anytime I want, but there’s a downside to it as well. Whenever my mom isn’t here I’m expected to take my grandmother wherever she wants to go without being compensated for gas.
She gave me gas money ONCE but it was literally only $3.
Today was a breaking point for me. I went to Walmart and when I got back home I saw she had texted me saying she urgently needed a ride to Kroger, and how it was rude of me to ignore her calls.
This whole conversation happened through text, by the way:
Me: ‘My phone is literally on silent. Also, I don’t appreciate constantly being used for rides. I didn’t get a car for that purpose. If I give you a ride it’s because I’m doing it out of kindness, not because I feel obligated to.
You talking trash about me on the phone to Uncle Alan further proves how unappreciative of me you are. If you’re going to be like that, you can ask my mom to Uber you wherever you need to go from now on.’
Her: ‘I will never ask you for crap again.
If I was talking to Alan about you, I was saying how a grown woman barely does her own dishes.’
Me: ‘Fine by me. Also, you’re a ‘grown woman’ who’s been living off of her daughter for the past 10 years, but you don’t hear me gossiping about that, do you?
I’m not here to fight with you, just standing up for myself after months of letting people walk all over me.’
I was frustrated and texted my sister screenshots of our conversation, and asked her if I went too far. She said yes and no, yes because she was diagnosed with leukemia last week and she felt bad for her, and no because she shouldn’t talk trash about me and then expect me to give her rides.
I didn’t know about the diagnosis beforehand so I felt bad about what I said.
After that, my grandmother texted me back confirming what my sister told me, and that it was wrong of me to not help her out considering she has a terminal illness.
I told her I was sorry about her illness, but my point still stands. I said she can’t talk trash about someone and then expect them to want to help her. She ended the conversation by saying she’ll never ask me for anything again.
Do you guys think I went too far?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The diagnosis aside, you could have handled all of this better.
You are living with your mother who presumably gives these lifts to your grandmother when she’s home. You said so yourself that she only asks you for lifts when your mother is away, so it isn’t a permanent hassle.
She’s dependent on lifts, and you’re dependent on your mom, so covering those lifts when she’s away is you pulling your weight. I doubt she likes being dependent and having to ask for lifts, but she isn’t asking for that much.
You told her she was ‘living off her daughter for the past 10 years’ – so since retirement age?
Why make her feel like a burden for living with the daughter she raised rather than moving into a retirement home?
She was complaining about you not washing dishes – sounds like you aren’t the only person who’s doing chores for someone else in the house.
Like I said, she could have been more polite but sounds like this was a build-up of fault on both sides. For those people saying a terminal diagnosis doesn’t excuse bad behavior – no, it doesn’t. But basic compassion makes you realize why people act out when they’re ill, physically and mentally stressed, and probably scared. This is typical behavior – hardly the level of lashing out and pushing away loved ones that people mean when they say that terminal illness doesn’t excuse bad behavior.” bittersweetful
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your general principle may be a fair or right one, but your delivery was way off.
You could have made your point without bringing up some of the things that you did – for example, it’s between your mum and Grandmother if one supports the other, you don’t need to be involved in that or add to the convo.
A simple, ‘I can’t afford to keep running you around without some gas money, even if I wanted to’ probably would have sufficed and left you not the jerk.
Also, someone finding out they have a serious illness is going to affect their mindset and mood, and you should bear that in mind and take it into consideration.
It doesn’t negate your point on gas money, but does add to your general being the jerk with your approach.” jimbobmccoy779
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Bring Her Partner To My Wedding?
“I’m getting married later this year and throwing a reception next spring.
This past weekend at my bridal shower I mentioned to my friend and her mom I would be inviting their family to my reception. I said this as I have not seen them since my engagement and wanted them to know they were included in my plans since I’ve known them for so long (I’ve known my friend since high school) and they helped plan my shower.
Now a few days later, my friend texted me asking to invite her partner to my reception instead of her dad. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that as we were not giving plus 1s and were strict about not inviting anyone that we both didn’t know.
She argued with me and I said it wouldn’t be fair considering I turned down some of my fiancé’s long-term friends because I’ve never met them. She kept insisting so I flat out said ‘I’m sorry but it’s not happening. I only want our closest people at this party and I’m sticking to it.’ Now she’s mad at me.
I feel I should include that I have never met this guy and barely know his name. She used the excuse that this would give me time to get to know him, as she doesn’t want to travel here (3 hours away) unless it’s a holiday/an event.
This makes no sense to me as they regularly go on vacations and she comes around monthly without being bothered to stop by to see me or hang out. And I won’t be able to spend a significant time with anyone at the party, such as weddings go.
She will also know a good amount of other people, so I’m not worried about her having no one to talk to. Also, I don’t approve of said partner. He’s significantly older than my friend and the way he handles conflict in their relationship shows me there’s a reason women his own age don’t want him.
Another part of me would feel really horrible inviting her household (mom, mom’s partner, and dad) and leaving out her dad, hence why I planned to invite them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have time to get to know new people at your wedding.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy is creating an issue because he’s not invited. How long have they been together? I’m assuming not long enough that it would be logical to invite them as a social unit. If she really wants you to get to know him, it would be great to have a couple’s dinner a month or so after the wedding.
You’re just too busy to coordinate before the event, and you want to give them your full attention.” Sandmint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a limited budget, your fiance is in agreement & you made it clear to her. It’s really odd that she wants to exclude her own father for the apparently controlling partner who is a total stranger to you.
Add in that she visits fairly regularly but doesn’t make any time to see you, it’s clear that the friendship with you isn’t as important anymore. Stick to your plans and congratulations to you both on your marriage, I’m wishing you a beautiful day, & life together!” ResearchMother1408
1. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Apologize To My Son?
“I (35F) have a son (11) and a partner (36M) of 2 and a half years.
The situation: My partner frequently uses his computer/PC setup to play games, and sometimes my son asks him to play with him but my partner immediately says no. He won’t even entertain the thought of playing with him, even another time or another game.
My son, however, is pretty persistent and will always ask once without fail. I make sure my son doesn’t get too obnoxious with it—he always backs off after the first ‘no.’ But, I have tried to encourage both of them to spend time together and bond in different ways, and I do think a great way to do that is through video games.
My son loves video games almost as much as my partner does. Now, this is where it gets uncomfortable. My partner was in our office room on his computer, browsing through an adult website, and my son walked in to ask if he could play video games with him.
My partner stood up, embarrassed and in shock, and yelled at him to get out and leave him alone.
Full disclosure, my son didn’t see what my partner was doing. He wasn’t facing the screen. So my son just thinks my partner yelled at him for wanting to hang out, and he’s been crying and really beaten up about it.
I assured him my partner must have been having a bad day but my son is really sad about it. I told my partner that 1. Watching adult films in a setting where my son could potentially walk in on him is unacceptable and 2. He needs to apologize to my son.
He immediately refused and said if my son wasn’t constantly hovering around his computer then this would’ve never happened. I can kind of see where he’s coming from because my son is persistent and won’t just understand that no means no.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think your partner is a bad person for wanting one thing to himself if he’s involved in all other activities with your son and they have a good relationship besides this video games thing. Do you like video games OP?
Because there are many different genres of video games, there may be legitimate reasons why he doesn’t want your son around. The content could be inappropriate for young kids, or it could be a multi-player game where the rest of his group wouldn’t appreciate being dragged down by a child playing or something else that I’m not thinking of.
Would you be able to play video games with your son?
NTJ for making him apologize because when there is a child in the house, he has to lock the door when he’s doing adult-only things. His excuse is really dumb because it implies that being exposed to adult stuff is a punishment for hovering around him.
That’s not appropriate and he needs to apologize. Also to make sure the poor kid knows he wasn’t mad at him, just startled.” HeartbeatFire
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m not sure what is in your head. This walking-in on him browsing adult videos situation is almost beside the point.
Your partner has stated unequivocally and directly multiple times that he wants his gaming and PC time to be non-shared. You do not take his position at face value and have allowed (almost borderline encouraged) your son to keep pestering him to game with him.
A grown man is unlikely to want to game with an 11-year-old.
You talk about your son keeping up this persistent pestering behavior as if it’s almost charming. It’s not. You are his mother and you need to put your foot down on this. If gaming and browsing is the area your partner wants some privacy, take that at face value and stop allowing your son to go after him.
Your unwillingness to take your son in hand on this issue has manufactured this mess.” Nanny_Ogg1000
