People Talk Through Their Tough Choices In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Increasing My Husband's Chores After He Refused To Help Out At Home?
“Context: I work in my own start-up, husband John works in a movie theater. Before I started my company, we both had similar income, but now I earn ~5 times as much as him. The chore dynamic at home was always heavily skewed; I’m very neat and like cooking, so I handled the lion’s share of chores on top of my job.
After the company started growing, John invested himself more in chores because he was staying at home due to movie theaters being closed. His workplace reopened a few months ago and he immediately stopped doing most chores.
I have been lenient and doing more than my share, since he comes home every day exhausted and complaining.
After work, he does nothing but leisure, totally overlooking the fact that I manage our household ON TOP OF running my company. I’m kind of a doormat sometimes, so I let it go because I wanted to be kind to John.
Last weekend, he crossed a line. I work 7 days a week, John has weekends off, and he was playing video games all day while I was working – and he came to ask me when lunch would be ready.
I told him that I am very busy with work and can he cook, for once? He declined, then complained that it was so much easier in his grandfather’s time, when the “homemaker” didn’t do anything other than “her duties”.
I exploded. We had the biggest screaming match of our lives, with him calling himself the breadwinner of the household, repeatedly hiding behind the claim that he “goes out” to work (as opposed to me working from home, which means I’m a housewife uh?).
I steamrolled his claims by pointing out that I earn much more money than him, I work longer hours, and still do all the chores. I told him to quit his job and dedicate all of his time to chores, since he is so enamored with the simpler times of homemakers and breadwinners – even if he became unemployed, our financial situation wouldn’t change.
He acted appalled.
Monday, I gave him a list of chores to do, about 2-3 hours of chores daily. He constantly complains, and I just reply with “Quit your job.” I spent years doing ALL the chores on top of my job, but he whines at the prospect of doing just half. Tuesday night, he told me he refused to do the chores and I couldn’t force him.
I shouted him down into submission, telling him that I spent our entire common life picking up the ball that he keeps dropping and that his choice to work an unskilled job for pocket change does not preclude him from helping me, the breadwinner, keep this household in shape. Yesterday, I locked up his PS5 in our safe and changed the combination.
This is not in my nature – I am usually polite and soft-spoken, and I feel like a jerk when I see him looking like a sad puppy and whining that he is tired. But I just… snapped. I feel like I don’t have a choice: If I let John do nothing and consider himself the breadwinner who deserves to come home to a clean house and warm meal through no effort of his own, I would lock myself into a life of servitude.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’ve been picking up his slack for a while. How dare he make claims about you being a homemaker, when you’re apparently bringing in the majority of the money? Working from home is work. I doubt working at the movie theater is very lucrative. Stop picking up his slack.
He is being disrespectful of you, your job, and everything you do for your home.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a post-nup and since he is the breadwinner he will be fine with not accessing your “paltry” earnings. Then, if he has no other redeeming values, you can divorce him.” Soiree1999
23. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding Because She Doesn't Want My Wheelchair-Bound Husband In Photos?
“My sister is getting married next month. My husband and I were both planning on going but when we got the invitation it was only for me.
When I called my sister and asked about it she said my husband was of course fine to come but she requested that he not be in any family photos.
My husband is in a wheelchair. I’ve been married to him for 8 years. He has been in a wheelchair since he was 16 and my family has always ever known him to be in his chair.
Apparently my sister doesn’t want him in any of her wedding photos because she is afraid that he’ll take attention away from her because he is “different”. She justifies this by saying when people come over and see our family photo they always ask about him because he’s the only one that is in a wheelchair so he stands out.
She says she wants to be the main focus in her photos.
I was livid. I went off on her and told her she was being a selfish bridezilla. I told her we wouldn’t be coming. I’ve been getting calls from parents and relatives telling me I need to apologize to my sister because now she’s upset.
I’m angry at them for thinking it’s okay to leave my husband out of family photos because of his disability. My husband hates being a burden on people and he says he’s fine with not being in the photos. Which made me even angrier because now he feels bad about himself for something I feel is unwarranted.
Am I the jerk if I don’t support my sister’s big day because of this? My husband says we should be there for family even if he can’t be in the photos. My family says I need to apologize. But I feel like this is an issue I need to fight for. Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is ABSOLUTELY an issue that you need to fight for. Your sister wants to exclude your husband for no other reason than his wheelchair, and that’s unacceptable. She is being a bridezilla, for sure, and your jerk family members are backing her up. Don’t feel one ounce of guilt for her.
That’s just freaking awful, and she needs to get over herself.” macladybulldog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister wants to spend “her day” disrespecting your loving marriage because she thinks she’s competing with a disability for attention. She clearly doesn’t understand relationships enough to get married (although that’s another issue I guess).
I wouldn’t go to the wedding either because your sister cares more about photos than humans. Tell her to hire some actors that look exactly as she wants them. That way she gets her perfect moment and you don’t have to be there.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this makes me so mad when people forget what a wedding is about because they want the “perfect” wedding.
Weddings are about 2 individuals joining their life together, and deeply loving each other, not having the perfect picture to show and post on your social media. This is so superficial.” MaybeAWalrus
22. AITJ For Not Sharing My Deceased Daughter's Ashes With My Ex-Husband?
“I’m an Indian woman who came to the United States on a student visa and met my ex-husband ‘Dean’. My family wasn’t happy about the relationship but eventually relented when they realized we were serious about each other.
I got pregnant a few months into our marriage and gave birth to our daughter Asha. After I gave birth I developed PPD and as a result our marriage suffered and never really recovered. I was on antidepressants.
Two years after her birth my ex-husband got close to his co-worker ‘Laura’ and they began a two-year torrid affair.
When he eventually got caught, he apologized for hurting my feelings but claimed he was in love with Laura. We divorced and I was left in the US all alone without any emotional or family support.
The divorce happened in 2017. We shared 50/50 custody of Asha.
In February 2020, I decided to visit my family in India as my extended family had never met my daughter. The original plan was to stay in India for 3 months, but the plans changed as the world shut down.
One day my daughter complained of uneasiness and stomach pain after she had her usual lunch.
I gave her a digestive enzyme and asked her to rest. When I went to check in on her an hour later she was gone. I still don’t know what happened that day, but after that moment everything was a blur.
My sister informed my ex-husband but because borders were shut he couldn’t come to India for the rituals.
I cremated my girl according to Hindu rituals and later immersed her ashes in the Ganges, as per our customs.
I have refused to take any calls from my ex in the past 1 year. I am still dealing with grief. My ex has reached out to me and wants my address to get some of her ashes.
I let my sister convey to him that the ashes have been disposed of as per customs. He is now furious and wants me to come back to the United States and give him some of her toys.
I have planned on never going back. He already has some of her clothes and toys. I refuse to directly talk to him.
That part of my life is over and done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are dealing with a lot. That said, you asked, and YTJ. I understand you’re grieving the loss of your daughter, but so is your ex. You say what happened to Asha on the day she got sick is a mystery to you and you were there–imagine how he feels that he saw his daughter off on what was supposed to be a three-month vacation, is then told she is dead, is then told her remains have been disposed of, and can’t even get you to talk to him.
If I were him, I would half suspect that Asha is still alive and the whole thing is a ruse to cut her off from him. Please consider talking directly to him. It may not be as painful as you are anticipating. In fact, it may help you to grieve with the one other person who can understand how it feels to have lost your daughter.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he is her father, he was an active part of her life, you are being vindictive. His affair has nothing to do with him being a father and wanting to have part of his daughter. I hope you can live with yourself for being so horrible to a grieving parent. You had no right to unilaterally decide what to do with her remains, your customs don’t override his, you should have given him half of the ashes.” annoymous1996
21. AITJ For Evicting My Brother And His Pregnant Mistress From My Rental Property?
“My brother (51M) had an affair on his wife. They have 5 kids.
After quitting his job they moved in with his in-laws.
My brother’s mistress (47F) got pregnant. She decided to quit her job. She was evicted from her previous rental. Leaving my niece (1 year) homeless. My brother’s wife decided to try and work things out.
I ended up having a lot of family pressure me to allow my brother’s mistress and my niece to move into my rental. To try and create a stable environment for my niece.
Eventually, I agreed to allow them to move in with a couple of conditions. 1. Pay $500 each month. Most of it goes to the cost of the utilities. 2. No dogs. The mistress quickly agreed since the rent is extremely cheap and let us know she will be starting her new job soon.
The first month I received half the rent.
Then the last 5 months nothing at all. It’s become a burden for me to keep them there. I am working additional hours to cover the expenses. My brother’s mistress never went to work. I have tried and tried to talk to them. Trying to work things out. It’s going nowhere. I gave his mistress a 30-day notice to move.
During that time I found out she is pregnant with baby #2.
My brother’s wife kicked him out and he moved into my rental with his mistress. They didn’t leave after the 30 days. They ignored my attempts to talk to them. So I served a 5-day notice. Still no reply. So I went to the court and filed for an eviction.
Since they were served my phone has not stopped. Just about every family member has called upset. My dad told me to finish it. He feels like my brother needs to “man up” and take care of his kids. Both from his wife and mistress. My dad told me to put my kids first.
My mom however is livid.
She told me that I would be responsible if my niece and the new baby were taken away by cps. She said my kids are old enough to understand mommy working extra hours in the name of “supporting family”. She feels like I should continue working overtime and paying for their expenses until the new baby arrives in 7 months.
Am I the jerk for kicking my brother’s pregnant mistress to the curb???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if it bothers your mom so much she can either pay their rent or find them a spare room in her house. You bankrolling them is clearly not providing stability for ANY of your niblings, and your brother is just taking it as an invitation to keep messing around at your expense.
At 51 and 47 they should both know how contraceptives work, and should also both know how to sort their lives out. if they were 17 and 21 they might get a pass while they learn to adult but they’re 3 decades beyond that point. Point out to your mother that if CPS gets involved the likelihood is that she, as a stable adult, would be asked to take custody of the kids in preference to them going into the system, so it’s really on her to make the appropriate arrangements to either prevent or embrace that step.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Hey mum, you think it’s so easy looking after someone who contributes nothing at all while adding extra expense. You want to try it? Thought so.” You are not responsible for propping up your brother’s bad life decisions. You are responsible for yourself and your dependents. Your brother is more than old enough to deal with the consequences of his own decisions.” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and his partner have to figure their lives out and they won’t do it living off of you. Your dad is right. People have to be held accountable for their decisions. Do they expect you to help pay for the other 5 kids as well? If your mom thinks they need help, then she should cover their bills; that’s her problem, not yours.
In regards to the kids, they may not be the best people to have those kids. And there are SO many ways to not get pregnant. To bring another kid into this mess is just really bad behavior. Not sure why taking care of family has to be so one-sided. No one is looking out for your family here.
Forget that. Stay firm and strong on this.” juanr0821
20. AITJ For Kicking Out Our Family Friend's Disrespectful Daughter?
“My (50F) husband (50M) has known “Paul” (55M) for about 35 years.
They’re more acquaintances than friends, and my husband told me Paul didn’t have friends at school because he offended classmates the way he spoke to them. Soon after Paul graduated, he returned to his home country. For ~15 years after Paul left, we’ve seen Paul only a handful of times since, when my husband visited him.
After my husband and I had our first child 22 years ago, we have not heard from Paul since.
3 years ago, Paul and his wife “Suzy” (55F), along with their daughter “Lily” (17F) started appearing in our lives again. Paul texted my husband often to catch up, and has since visited us a couple of times.
In 2019, Paul and his family lived in our vacation home (a few mins from our own) for free at the courtesy of my husband, but never came over to say hello or even say thank you once during their two-month stay. I thought this was strange, but my husband seemed happy to host Paul’s family, so I didn’t say anything.
Paul and his family only appeared when my husband offered to take them out to dinner, but never the other way around. Since then, I’ve had a bad impression of Paul. During this time, Paul also mentioned a few times Lily’s interest in attending university here.
May 2021, Paul and Suzy suddenly decide to send Lily here for high school.
They asked my husband if he’d be willing to let Lily stay in our home (with our 3 kids, aged 18-22) at a discounted rate (compared to homestays). My husband agreed without any discussion with me or our kids. I didn’t like the idea, especially with my bad impression of Paul. Our kids didn’t want a stranger in our house either.
In September, Lily moved into our home. At first she was polite, but quickly her personality changed. She became rude and disrespectful toward me, including disregarding simple things I’ve asked her not to do such as washing her shoes in our sole laundry machine. She eats all my children’s food which they buy themselves and uses their belongings without their permission.
To put it simply, she treats everything in my home as though it were hers alone. In the past two months, she’s done so much to get on my nerves.
The last straw for me was when I prepared 3 portions of lunch for my husband and two of my kids and packed them in the fridge.
The next morning I discovered that she ate all three meals overnight. I was furious. I told her parents that she must move out ASAP as she’s been disturbing me and my children’s lives for far too long. I told them that I’d give them back their money. Her parents are angry with me, but found a new place for Lily within a week.
However, since the news has been broken to Lily that she has to move, she’s gone back to the mild-mannered personality she had prior to moving into my home. Her parents and the people we know are calling me the jerk since I’m kicking a teenager out of my home while she’s adjusting to her new environment without her parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a husband problem. Deciding to take in his “friend’s” daughter is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. He made the decision without even bothering to discuss it with you. Op should tell her husband that they can no longer allow her to stay because he will be sleeping in the spare room if he pulls a stunt like that again so there will be no room for her.
Op needs to point out in blunt terms the true nature of this alleged friendship. It is totally one-sided with this “friend” taking advantage of husband and treating husband like a mat to walk all over. Once the daughter felt comfortable she showed you her true personality. Like father like daughter. It is take her in for High School now, take her in for College later on.
He saves money dumping her on you and he doesn’t have to parent her either.” Avebury1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s only doing it because you’re kicking her out, if you let her stay she’ll just go back to being a brat. Stick with your guns and kick her out. She could also be trying to act nice to either convince your husband (since he didn’t talk to you the first time) to let her stay longer or so she can say “idk why they kicked me out I was good up until the end.”” VaderTheInhaler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s skip over Lily and her freeloading parents really quickly though, and talk about the deeper issue. Your husband allowed an entire family to sponge off of you for 2 months (without discussing it with you) and then decided to move a complete stranger into the home without first talking about it with you?
You and he need to have a come-to-Jesus moment. This is not alright. You are a partner in the relationship and it’s deeply concerning that he is walking all over you like this.” IAmHerdingCatz
19. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Do His Agreed Upon Daily Chores?
“Two professionals have told me I’m wrong, so I probably am, but thought I would ask just to settle it once and for all.
I (39f) am a SAHP with 3 kids (12m, 10m, 1f).
The oldest 2 are learning from home, and the oldest has autism and ADHD so needs a lot of one-on-one help from me. My husband, Eli (36m), works 40hrs and helps with the kids after work. I manage the household, finances, do all the cleaning, and most of the cooking. We do yard work and repairs together.
Eli agreed to 2 daily chores: take out the trash and clean the cat box. But he only does them when asked. Otherwise, he will let the trash can get so full that the lid won’t close and trash gets piled up beside it. Even when asked, he only checks the kitchen trash and not the two in the bathrooms. He doesn’t pick up any trash that’s overflowed and forgets to put a bag back in the bin.
The cat box is in the master bath, and if not cleaned for more than 24hrs, our cat starts going in front of it instead. So we end up with urine and feces all over the bathroom floor. Eli will just step around this like it isn’t there, so I often end up cleaning it.
Also, I usually need to ask multiple times since Eli will be playing video games with the kids, so he can’t do it right away and then forgets. We have talked about this many times but nothing changes. So we went to 2 marriage counselors for 1 visit each.
The 1st said that since Eli has ADHD (although I also have ADHD), I need to make him a daily schedule on a dry-erase board.
That my job is the house and his is the breadwinner, but that if I wanted him to help with my tasks such as the litterbox and the trash, I would need to add them to the board and then praise and thank him each time and plan extra rewards for motivation. After we left the office, Eli blew off her advice as something out of the 1950s, but it was discouraging.
The 2nd counselor said that if I want Eli’s help, I must be content with how and when he gives that help. That it is controlling to give any reminders or suggestions on how to do his tasks. I tried to clarify that I wasn’t being overly picky, I just wanted the job to be complete, like a bag in the trash can after he changes it because people throw trash in anyway, and it was gross for me to have to wash it out, or the problem with the sand left on the bathroom floor was that it sticks to wet feet after a shower and turns into a paste.
She then said that since I care more about the task, I should be the one to do it.
To check if I’m being unreasonable, these were how I wanted the tasks done: Catbox: cleaned every day. Sweep up any spilled sand. Trash cans: check daily and empty when full. Pick up any trash that has overflowed. Replace bag.
These chores take less than 10 minutes combined, so I didn’t think I was asking too much, but at this point I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ so he works 40 hours a week and you work 24/7? He isn’t helping you, he’s participating in his own life. He lives there. If you and the children disappeared would the garbage not need to be taken out and the litter not need to be cleaned?
You created the home together and share responsibility together. Part of his responsibility is financial whereas yours is not. Very reasonable that you would do more around the house as a result but not reasonable that he would do nothing at home as a result. Bad bad advice from therapists, were they real or from like church?” Inside_Resolve3532
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….but both of those counselors are! You are being very reasonable and light in your asks. I promise, if you don’t get help and you continue to feel disrespected and unheard, you will break. You cannot parent your husband, take care of an autistic child, and the other two. I hope you start taking care of yourself and speaking up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are responsible for the kids and the household, I would suggest doing just that – let your husband do the yard maintenance, his laundry, pack his lunches, make his own food, etc. He may begin to realize that taking out the trash and cleaning the litter box every day is a piece of cake in comparison!
Whenever I feel like my husband is doing that to me, that’s what I do. It takes a few days, but works every time! And just an observation, it sounds like the counselors were giving a grown man every excuse under the siping for him not to act like a man! I would reconsider the relationship.” Dramatic_Grocery_105
18. AITJ For Being Worried About Leaving My Partner And His Son Alone With My Baby?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years and have a 7-month-old baby. His son is 7y/o.
Over the last 3 years, I have tried to get my partner to teach his son to ride a bike. To learn how to swim. Go to a karate camp. I have tried encouraging him to eat different foods (very very picky).
I watch him every night while my partner goes to work. I even had to switch shifts and am going to make significantly less because of childcare – my partner works nights, so now I’m going to work days.
My partner does not listen to me. Which in turn means his son doesn’t listen to me.
I say no eating on the couch. He eats on the couch, I ask him not to leave towels on the bed, he leaves towels on the bed. I ask to put dishes in the sink and he leaves them out, you get the point. I get that he’s 7 and my problem is not with him it’s with my partner.
My partner doesn’t enforce anything and makes fun of my requests
I’m returning to work soon and am terrified to leave the baby alone with my partner and his son.
I finally tried talking to my partner about it today. That he gives all attention to his son when he’s here he doesn’t pay attention to the baby.
I’m worried his son will leave little toys around and the baby will choke (he constantly loses his little Lego pieces and whatever else he is working on). Or my partner will leave the kids alone and his son will trip over her (he’s clumsy and has been very close to falling on her numerous times).
He said it’s my fault because I don’t pay attention to his son – so he has to overcompensate.
I’m like well… he’s not my child (he has a mom). And my partner flipped out on me.
I know I worded it like a jerk – but I didn’t mean that he gets 0 attention.
It’s just that your children are supposed to listen to you and respect you.
I have tried so many times over the years. I wake him every morning for school, do his laundry, remind my partner about everything that he needs to do.
I took him on walks and introduced him to a bunch of kids in the neighborhood when they moved in after the baby was born.
But my partner was livid and couldn’t believe I said that.
I just wanted to talk about my concerns and suggest a daycare during the day. My partner has never had both kids at once for more than an hour and it’s hard. And like I said he’s so focused on his son I’m worried something bad will happen to the baby.
I feel like I might be the jerk because his son is so young but it’s not about him – he and the baby are in the middle of this. But if something was to happen to my baby while I’m at work I’d die.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concerns are valid.
Please don’t leave him in charge of the kids. Trust your instincts! Your number one job is to keep your children safe and that includes your stepson. This is serious. Please get this solved.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly he is a representation for his son, this is only going to create more problems and soon you’ll be labeled as the “nagging stepmom”.
They’re both disrespecting your boundaries and I feel so bad for you. If your partner is truly too incompetent to take care of your child and only look after his older one maybe it isn’t meant to be. Be safe and try to look at daycares if it really worries you.” Iwanttokermitsuic1d3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re wrong about not having another kid. You have three kids. If your partner isn’t willing to discipline his own son over basic things like keeping the house tidy, then he’s not really a parent. My two-year-old even helps out, usually without even asking. Based on what you’ve told us, you should be afraid to leave all three alone together.
This is not a healthy or sustainable situation.” OhNoTheDawnPatrol
If your partner doesn't listen and respect you, then his son never will. Your baby may not either when she gets older. You have many MANY things you need your partner to work on. I think you should make a list, and then order them from most important (like, needs to be fixed NOW) to least important (things that can wait to be fixed/addressed). Or make categories or something. If he is unwilling to change, you may need to rethink the relationship in order to protect you and your baby.
Things need to be addressed now before his son gets any older. Because the older he gets, the harder it will be.
17. AITJ For Lying To My Partner About Owning My House?
“So long story short my grandma passed away a few years ago and left me a substantial amount in inheritance.
I was able to purchase my first home at the beginning of 2018, all cash. I completely own the home now and make no payments, however, that used up the entire inheritance. I have my own savings account now just from working and have a nice little nest egg.
Anyway, before I met my partner (34M) I would notice that if I told a man I was seeing or casually spending time with about my living situation he would start kind of trying to move the relationship along quickly and basically ask to move in (for free).
Like I’m talking on the second date this guy started trying to work his way in. I also had guys regularly ask me to help them with their bills or buy them things since I “don’t have many expenses”.
Well since that happened quite a few times I just started lying to men I saw that I paid rent to just avoid the awkward conversation lol.
A year ago when I met my partner I told him that lie and then completely forgot about it and it never came up again.
So that brings us to the issue. My sweet and lovely partner offered to pay my rent this month since it’s my birthday, and I reminded him that I owned the house outright… which I clearly had forgotten to tell him.
He is really mad at me now for lying to him and not being upfront. Which I totally get, but at the same time I don’t think it’s that big of a deal because I’ve literally never asked him for money and we split dates pretty down the middle, so it’s not like I’ve been having him spend all his money on me.
He has never offered to pay my rent or bills before this, and I certainly haven’t asked. He actually makes quite a bit more than me as well. He also owns his own home, however he does have mortgage payments on it. We have not discussed living together.
I told him that I apologize for lying and I explained my reasons, and told him I genuinely forgot I had never cleared it up since we haven’t really discussed finances.
Now he is saying I’m gaslighting him, which I don’t think I am? He also thinks I’m untrustworthy and is convinced I’ve lied about every other aspect in our relationship, which I haven’t.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You had good reasons to lie and it was not about him, but it never feels good to be lied to either.
Try to calm down and talk about it, everything should be fine.” PercyLegion
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you have very good reasons for doing this (although telling men that you own a house and seeing their reactions is a good way to see if they are worth your time haha) and since you don’t live together you don’t owe him any information about your situation.
If it really was about trust I would understand his disappointment but you genuinely forgot and it isn’t very important info anyway. Also I find it a bit weird to offer to pay the rent as a gift ahah but maybe it’s just me.” Fuuuuuuurax
16. AITJ For Telling My Infertile Stepsister That She's Jealous Of My Life?
“So my wife (F25) and I (F25) got married in 2019. Almost right after we got married, we started looking for properties to have our house built on.
We found a plot of land, bought it, and decided to wait a bit before going on to the next steps. Fast forward to May 16th, 2021, and our house was officially completed. As you can imagine, we were ecstatic about it.
During the entire months of June-July, restrictions in our area were lifted because school was out, so our family could actually drive down to see us and our house.
This was also the first time we had all been able to see each other in a while. The entire family came for a visit in July, and among one of those family members was my stepsister (I’ll call her L, F28).
After an entire day of showing off and talking a lot, L and I were in my side of the master closet where I was showing her something and we started talking about kids.
L is infertile, she cannot have kids. We get really into the subject, and I told her that we came to the decision that we don’t want kids because one, we’re lesbians, which would require many visits to clinics with lots of funds, and two, I would probably be the one to be pregnant and my wife doesn’t want that challenge on me.
I also told her that we’re very financially stable, and we want to keep as much of that as possible.
This, for some reason, made her go wild. She started going on about how there are so many women out there who can’t have kids and how she wanted us to have kids so that she could basically live vicariously through that.
I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say. I told her that even though that sounded creepy, it sounded like she wasn’t dealing with her situation in a healthy way and that I was always there to support her if she wanted to talk. She ignored that and talked about how my wife and I have all these nice things and our jobs pay really well and started asking rhetorically “why can’t I have that?
I always get the bad luck in the family.”
That’s when I told her that at this point, it just sounds like she’s projecting her insecurities onto me and it’s turned into jealousy. She asked if I was seriously calling her jealous and I was like “yes” along with explaining again, why I thought that.
She got really angry and stormed downstairs and actually left (she drove herself). When everyone asked what happened, I told them and they were shocked that I’d even say such a thing. After everyone left, I asked my wife and she’s pretty much the only person who is on my side. It’s September and they still won’t let it go.
I’m starting to think that maybe I really should apologize to my stepsister because I was insensitive about her situation. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Married couples are under no obligation to anyone – family, friends, coworkers, et al – to have children. That is up to you and your wife only. Not to mention, you’re in no way obligated to stand and listen to an angry ‘talkin’ to’ by someone who is unhappy with your own personal decision (a decision that in no way affects your stepsister).
I’ve never understood why there’s a portion of people that think you should stand and just let somebody blow up on you because they’re angry, and that your only response should be ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ I feel sorry for your stepsister’s infertility. That really does suck and I imagine it’s been devastating for her to deal with.
That said: NTJ.” luptonpittman84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You recognized the situation and offered support if she wants to talk. I can understand her being sensitive and choosing to leave if she couldn’t handle confronting her issues right then and there, but it’s been a few months. I hope the rest of the family is helping her and encouraging her to go to therapy because I don’t think that message can come from you right now.” ThrowRA1039485
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Brother My Inheritance For College?
“I want to start this by saying this: I am not my parent’s favorite child.
As much as this might sound absurd or even biased, which might be, there’s no other way to describe my family. I’m the youngest sibling (third child), and I have a sister (oldest) and a brother. My sister and my brother are just a bit older than me, at 23 and 21, while I just turned 18 last August.
Throughout my life, I’ve always known my parents didn’t particularly like me. They would treat my siblings a lot better, give them better clothes & gifts, and even give them allowances. I was never treated badly, but I was never given anything like that. To be honest, I don’t even remember the last time my parents gave me a gift for my birthday, or even congratulated me for that matter.
This was the reason I started “working” as a part-timer when I turned 13 (washing cars, cutting grass, washing driveways, etc.). That’s how I managed to have some money should I need or buy things I wanted. For example, while my parents gave my siblings laptops once they got to high school, I needed to buy my own.
Which is fine, they don’t need to give me anything, I’m not entitled to it. It just made me very self-conscious about myself.
Now, to the main point: my grandfather was a very kind man, and when he passed away, he left in his will (I’m not really sure about how this works, as I know almost nothing about the law), inheritances for his grandchildren (my siblings and myself), to finance our studies (College/Housing/Etc).
As I understand, this money would only be possible to be used after the person is 18.
Now, my sister went to college and is almost graduating. My brother, however, has changed his course four times in the last two years, and every time he did that, there was a large cost associated with it, especially since he aimed for expensive colleges.
Now, he has spent a large part of his inheritance and probably won’t be able to finance any course to the end.
This is my main problem: My parents came to me and asked me to give my brother my part of the inheritance, as he has had that problem. Thing is, I’ll be taking the college entrance exams in November/December, and by giving him this inheritance, I won’t be able to do that, as I won’t be able to afford college at all.
I told them it was absurd, and it wasn’t my fault that he wasted his part of the inheritance. Their answer was, “He’s your brother, and he needs help! He’ll help you pay for your studies once he graduates.”. That means I would need to postpone college for at least 4-5 years. I obviously don’t want to do that, and told my parents that it was my decision.
As you would assume, they didn’t take that lightly. They’ve taken to call me an ungrateful child and a jerk for not “thinking about family”. I’m constantly being shunned in my house, to the point that’s making me feel like a trash of a person.
Am I such a monster?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I strongly suspect that your brother wouldn’t help you IF (not when) he eventually graduates.
The money was left to you for your education – you shouldn’t feel any guilt for using it for its intended purpose.” Sleepy_felines
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And tell your parents if they do touch YOUR part of the inheritance that is meant for YOUR schooling, you will take legal action against both them AND your brother.
I know that sounds harsh, but if they are treating you like crap and now want to screw you out of your inheritance, fight back.” EvocativeEnigma
Another User Comments:
“Oh no, NTJ. Keep your inheritance and get away from these horrible “parents”. They don’t care about your future, unfortunately, so do not let them ruin it.
You’re not a trash person or a monster, you sound like a lovely person who had the misfortune of growing up with narcissistic parents who favored their other children over you. Enjoy college, and your life away from these toxic people!” Skeptikaa
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Vacation Time As My Partner Planned?
“I (29m) have lived with my partner (32f) for just under a year.
We’ve been seeing each other for three years and change.
Recently I earned a promotion at my work. I’ve worked my butt off for this promotion for several years and have barely taken any time off during that duration. When I found out about my promotion–and that they wouldn’t actually need me for my new role for about a month–I decided to finally cash in on some of my paid time off and to take off 10 days (fourteen total) from work in between my old role and my new role.
When my partner found out about this she decided to go ahead and put in for the first week of my time off from her job as well, which she was granted. When I found out about this, I told her “I’m glad to be able to spend some time with you, but I just want to hang out and do nothing with my my two weeks off; just watch some Netflix or whatever.”
However, she bought paint and painting supplies for us to work on the guest room together. She also planned for us to go to her parents’ cabin up North on a lake for a few days before she had to go back to work.
The first week off of “our” vacation is coming up this week.
When I found out about her plans I told her “No. I told you that I didn’t want to do anything with my two weeks off. Stop trying to hijack my time off.” She got very upset and said that time off together will be hard to come by for several years and that I was being selfish, especially since she was only asking me to spend one of my weeks off with her and leaving me completely free for my second.
I think that she was wrong to try to take over my days off like this, especially after I told her that I just wanted to use them to relax and do what I wanted. She thinks that I have two whole weeks off and that I should give her one of them since we are a couple.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Her for not respecting your boundaries, you for not trying to find a compromise or middle ground (the lake house sounds quiet, relaxing, and considerate). Are you sure you even want to be with her? If I were you, I wouldn’t be surprised but worried, when she no longer wants to hijack your time to spend quality time with you.” yajanikos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just admit to yourself and her that you aren’t into her anymore. If going on a quick lake trip for just a few short days during your 14 days off is a chore for you, then you aren’t excited about her anymore. You also don’t want to impress her anymore either.
Just let her go.” FRANPW1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – yeah man, I get that she just decided to take off and make plans without discussing it. That’s a jerk move, no doubt. The cabin thing sounds nice, but if you don’t want to do it that’s cool. But paint the guest room?
C’mon man, don’t be a baby. Every single person reading this has to do some kind of home maintenance, and she took time off to help. You’re being a jerk about that. Taking time to paint a room (the guest room…I’m guessing it’s not that big) during a two-week vacation isn’t asking too much.
If I took off a week and my wife was going to work I’d be cooking dinner that week. Why? Not a jerk. If you want to “watch Netflix and whatever” you need to break up and live alone. Nobody in a relationship gets to do nothing for 2 full weeks.” Dan78757
I agree with her, just not the way she went about it. I think it would be nice to go to the cabin for a couple days. Be with her if you want to be with her. You'll have an entire week afterwards to do you. If you don't, just be honest and tell her you are more important to you than anyone or anything else. So she can go find someone who values her time and company as much as she values theirs.
13. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Sister After She Criticized My Marriage And Life Choices?
“My sister was always my dad’s favorite until she got pregnant at 18 and ran away. It was a huge scandal in our social circle and my parents took it badly.
In the end, I feel like I suffered because of her actions. My dad became so strict that I wasn’t even allowed to go anywhere without an escort. I was moved from a mixed school to an all-girls school and I was never allowed to even look at a boy who wasn’t related to me.
I was only allowed friends who were the children of their friends. He also threw himself into work and was nothing like the dad I had before then. I was only 12 when my sister left, and the sudden change was hard to understand.
I got married 2 years ago. I wasn’t allowed to be involved with anyone at all, except for the man I later married because my dad really likes him.
If my dad had a son, he would want him to be like my husband, so he was very happy when he found out we were going to get married. It hasn’t been what I hoped for… especially since I had to move to a whole different country where I know no one.
My sister came back into our lives around 3 years ago.
My dad barely has a relationship with her, but my mom was overjoyed she was back and so was I. The problem is that she’s become so critical about every choice I ever make, including my choice of husband.
I’m currently visiting my parents and 5 months pregnant. My mom was asking me about my marriage, and I didn’t want her to be worried, so I just told her things were good.
My sister didn’t accept the answer and kept prodding until I told her I was lonely, and things weren’t what I hoped for. My sister turned around and said she wasn’t shocked and that I was miserable because I was so desperate for daddy’s approval that I married someone just to get it, and that I was an idiot to let him get me pregnant so quickly.
I was so angry I said, “at least I’m not the selfish jerk who dad hates”. She ended up leaving the house in tears and hasn’t responded to my messages.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your sister was out of line to judge your choices the way she did, but you were equally out of line to judge her choices.
I mean, did it occur to you that she ran away precisely because your father is a controlling and judgmental jerk? No? Your father has succeeded in dividing his daughters so they compete with each other instead of joining in solidarity against his nonsense, and that’s a real shame.” VictorianPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your Dad is the jerk.
“In the end, I feel like I suffered because of her actions. My dad became so strict that I wasn’t even allowed to go anywhere without an escort.” You suffered because of your Dad’s actions. He punished you for your sister’s actions. Your sister did not get pregnant for the purpose of punishing you.
Your sister suffered when your Dad cut her out of the family because she made her own decisions.” Printemps_2021
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – your sister ran away from your abusive, controlling dad. You still suffered under him. You still are. You and your sister are the victims, but now those victims are targeting each other when you really need to focus on the ultimate jerk – your dad.” SeasonPositive6771
Both you and your sister are victims of dad’s controlling behaviour and quite possibly mom too. Go talk to your sister ask her if she had the same crap you did as a child I bet she did and that DAD is the reason she left
12. AITJ For Choosing The Wedding Ring When My Mother Asked Me To Pick An Inheritance Item?
“My parents are 80 years old. Lately they both have been having some health issues and it appears they are finalizing/updating their Last Will & Testaments. I, (44f) am the youngest of three girls. Earlier this year my mother came up for a visit and she was staying at my house. During her first night she told me some of the health issues my father has been experiencing.
Later that night she told me she had three items that were special to her (her wedding ring, a painting, and some china my father bought in Eqypt when he was in the service). I don’t know if it’s relevant but they are all worth roughly the same value, a modest sum, nothing over the top.
She asked me which one I would like to inherit when the time came. The whole conversation was awkward and uncomfortable but in the end I selected the wedding ring.
A few months later, my two older sisters and I were out at a bar and this topic came up. Apparently they were angry with me about choosing the ring.
They say “Who does that? Why did you even pick one?” I was taken aback because I didn’t even know this was an issue with them but apparently they talked about it amongst themselves. I told them I don’t understand why they were so angry with me. Mom asked me which I would like so I told her if given the option I would like the ring.
We all have daughters so I understand why my sisters might also want the ring. However, how can I be held accountable for the fact that my mom gave me the first choice and so I chose?
AITJ for choosing to inherit the ring when my mother specifically asked me which item I would prefer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If which one each of you inherits doesn’t matter, they wouldn’t be upset about not getting the ring. They aren’t so much upset that you chose the ring as they are that you had the option to before them. But they can’t get outwardly upset at your mother so they take it out on you.
In other words, they likely would have done the same thing if given the option.” Nurut_Idnu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for choosing when asked to choose, but how did the subject come up with your sisters when you were out at a bar? Your mother may have only given you a choice and may have not meant for the others to know you were given that opportunity.
If THEY brought it up, then they are just being jealous and petty.” nannylive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are super uncomfortable with death and they take it out on others all the time. If it is important to your mom that you all get a specific equal inheritance, make sure she gets it all in writing.
That way, even if your sisters get dysregulated and mean, you have something to back you and get your mom’s wishes carried out.” Reddit User
11. AITJ For Not Offering To Split The Cost Of Food I Was Invited To Cook?
“This has really been bothering me. All involved are gay guys fwiw. I (22M) have been friends with J (26M) for a couple of years. J has the hots for me as he’s told me many times.
I’m not attracted to J that way in the slightest. He’s fun to hang out with though and we became good friends fast.
J often asked: “So when are you going to cook for us?” The “us” being him and his 3 roommates. We’re all friends. I’m Greek and my parents own a restaurant. I usually just take cooking remarks as a joke.
I hate to cook because our dad forced us all to learn how to cook everything on the menu when we were kids. I suppose I’m pretty good at it though when I do. This isn’t actually relevant to the AITJ because I never told J that I hate to cook. It’s just an fyi.
So, last time J asked me to cook I said, “Are you just kidding or do you really want me to?” He basically said, “Absolutely, I love Greek food!” I said, “I doubt you have hardly any of the ingredients I’d need.” He said, “No worries, you can just pick me up after work and we can swing by the grocery store.” So, I said, “OK, sure, if you wanna do that I’m down with it.”
J wanted a “really Greek” meal so I said I’d make moussaka & Greek salad. Moussaka has a very long prep time but I decided the one time I was gonna cook for them I can go all out. So, we’re at the grocery, me asking ‘do you have this, do you have that’? They had nothing really besides salt and pepper… Then J suddenly asks, “Uh, so who’s paying for all this?” I basically said, “Well, you invited me to cook, you’re paying for it.” He was quite clearly put off by that.
I said we can just drop the idea of me cooking if he wants and he said, no, that would suck as everyone’s expecting it now.
The charge was $32.55 and J paid it. He was then cold to me the rest of the night and since. I already guessed it was because of him paying for the food.
A couple of weeks later it came up with one of the roommates and he said, “J thought it was rude you didn’t even offer to split the cost.” Tbh, it never even occurred to me. I just assumed that if he invited me to cook he would provide the food.
I have no clue what the “etiquette” is for this situation so I just really want to know what people think.
AITJ for not offering to pay or split costs for the food that I was invited to cook?? Thanks!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did split the cost, your knowledge and labor was your share of the cost of the meal. They asked you to cook for them, you agreed. It sounds as if they expected you to foot the cost of the meal and time investment all so they could have an awesome free meal on someone else’s dime.
That isn’t the way it works and don’t let them guilt you into a darn thing. They’re upset because they tried to use you and you didn’t let them.” MonkeyWrench
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I looked up the menu for the local Greek restaurant by my house. Greek salad – $9, Mousaka – $15. So that is over 100 if you went to an authentic Greek restaurant for that, before tip and without beverages/etc for five people.
They got a restaurant-quality meal for a fraction of the cost and they still whine and moan about it. They are jerks.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’d invited people to your home for a meal you weren’t asked to prepare then you paying for the food is a reasonable expectation. When someone asks you to cook for them they should pay for the food.
We don’t expect a restaurant chef or private chef to pay for the food they’re cooking so you shouldn’t be expected to pay either. Chefs get paid to cook for people. Your payment was being included in the meal.” magicpenny
10. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of A Work Event After He Yelled At A Coworker For Offering Him A Drink?
“My husband struggled with a drinking addiction and has been sober since 2019. I’m proud of him but it’s hard excluding him from events that involve drinking so I either stay home or just go to non-drinking invested events together given he’s very cautious about being around booze.
I’m new to the company I work in and last week they had the first event with me and I wanted to go to strengthen my work relationship with my co-workers. My husband wanted to come even though I said there was drinking involved I was worried something might happen and it did.
The situation is that while I was away talking to other co-workers, one co-worker walked up to my husband and was holding an additional glass of booze in hand.
He most likely noticed my husband sitting and wasn’t helping himself to drinks so he offered him a glass. In that very second I heard my husband shouting “you dumb jerk I don’t drink are you freaking stupid? Get that stuff away from me right now.” I rushed to where he was sitting and saw him yelling at my co-worker as my co-worker was looking shocked. My husband kept yelling at him as I told him to stop cause it was so embarrassing and everyone watched. I told him to leave and he did but was shocked and said he couldn’t believe I took that guy’s side when he disrespected him and his sobriety like that.
I felt horrible, I went home and asked him why he reacted this way. He said “I’m sorry but how exactly did you expect me to react? You actually expected me to take that stuff and say thanks? I don’t freaking think so. Does my sobriety mean nothing to you at all?” then added that he was sitting minding his own business and that guy came up to him and poked at him and offended him when he offered him a drink so he got what he rightfully deserved. I said the man didn’t know he was sober but he replied it still wasn’t his fault for not wanting to tell strangers about his struggles with drinking or hang a sign on his back explaining he’s been sober since 2019 and wanting people to respect that.
Then said it was my fault for dragging him to a drinking event and saw it as a reckless and irresponsible thing of me to do and then kicking him out was the icing on the messed up cake. I reminded him that I gave him the option not to go but he insisted. He replied that he didn’t think it’d be acceptable to attend my first event at the company without him.
I said still his reaction was over the top and created an issue with my co-workers. He defended himself and said I know darn well how he reacts when he’s being exposed to this stuff and said I triggered this reaction and so did my co-worker and he can’t be blamed now.
He keeps on saying that I humiliated him in front of my co-workers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He could have simply said, “Oh, no thanks, I don’t drink, but do you know where the sodas are?” It didn’t have to get all that dramatic and angry, especially around your coworkers. Your husband needs some serious counseling.” Thia-M3762
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow… I’m 5 years sober myself and I would never react like that.
A simple no thank you works. Your husband’s attitude is very concerning. Has he always been such a jerk? I’m embarrassed for you. He needs therapy and anger management.” Sweet-Meaning9809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sober going on 4 years now. When someone offers me a drink, I just say no thank you.
I usually drink club soda or seltzer. Everyone’s recovery is different. He could practice the situation at home, have replanned answers/responses.” paddychef
9. AITJ For Dumping My Husband's Dinner Instead Of Reheating It?
“I’m a new mom of a 4-month-old boy. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I take care of cleaning, making dinner, and child care while my husband works at the gas station.
Lately, he’s been spending too much time in the bathroom and ends up being late for dinner which is usually ready at 8 pm every time. He’d stay gone for over an hour and have me reheat his dinner for him after he complains from being on his feet all day. I didn’t like that on top of taking care of the baby, cleaning, and cooking I have to wait for him and reheat his dinner for him.
Here’s a scary piece of info he doesn’t know how to use the microwave properly and ended up causing several accidents that almost cost us our home in the past.
It all came to a head last night. Dinner was ready at 8 but he was taking too long in the bathroom. I went to feed my son and my husband came back and sat in the kitchen asking me to come reheat his dinner while I was breastfeeding in the living room.
I said no I was busy and he kept insisting. I told him to wait till I’m finished feeding our son but he complained about being hungry. I got so angry I said either wait or do it yourself but he kept calling me to do it. I told him if he asks one more time I’d dump his dinner in the trash but he insisted so I got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbed his plate, and dumped the food right into the trashcan as he kept saying what the heck?
He looked astonished and then said I was crazy.
I told him I was busy feeding our son and it wasn’t my fault he didn’t show up for dinner when it was hot. I said I was done waiting on him hand and foot to reheat his dinner for him. He said none of this justified me throwing away his dinner and that it wasn’t fair that he had no dinner after working all day and blamed me saying I needed to check myself and drop this passive-aggressive attitude.
He got up and we argued some more then he stormed off after calling me crazy again.
We haven’t been talking since the incident occurred and I feel guilty for acting upon my frustration and anger in the heat of the moment and think maybe I should apologize for making him go to bed hungry.”
Another User Comments:
“How do you screw up a microwave bad enough to repeatedly cause dangerous accidents? The only way I can think of is by doing it on purpose, perhaps as a way to make you take care of him more. NTJ, and his weird need for you to take care of him is concerning.” JanusIsBlue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can’t reheat things in the microwave without causing an incident, he can a) come to dinner while it’s still warm b) eat it cold c) he can reheat it in a pot or in the oven. Instead of expecting you to drop everything to fit his schedule.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“Yeah so 1. He needs to not sit on the toilet so long, it can cause significant problems for his backside. I understand the desire for time to oneself but that isn’t healthy. 2. He needs a crash course in microwaving and OMG that isn’t complex NTJ. Feeding the child comes first.” Zorgas
8. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Colleague For Misusing My Legal Services?
“I am an in-house lawyer at a large MNC. I provide legal advice to the various internal departments of the MNC. I have one colleague from the sales department, however, who always copies me into the middle of his email chains with external affiliated companies, asking me to provide legal advice to these affiliated entities.
He does this without any courtesy heads-up beforehand, or any context provided.
Initially, I was polite and told him not to do so, as these external affiliates have their own legal departments, and I should not be advising them and taking on unnecessary risk exposure for our company. I would also be sacrificing privilege. He said he understood, but after a few weeks would do the same thing.
Finally, the other day he did it again, but this time with an external affiliated company that my company may have a potential dispute with.
In my anger, I removed all external parties from the thread, and replied-all to the people remaining on the thread from my company: “Bill (not his real name), you have to STOP dropping your legal counsel into the middle of email threads with external parties without any heads-up or context.
My job is to advise our company, and NOT to advise counterparties with whom we might have potential disputes. You CANNOT keep doing this. You are compromising our company’s interests. Please tell your team too.”
Bill did not reply to my email, and afterward a few of our mutual colleagues told me I had gone too far.
I understand that I could have been more civil, but I was frustrated because Bill has been doing this consistently and had not appeared to internalize my more polite previous warnings. My subordinates (who were on the thread) were all happy though, and I overheard some of them quoting my email to each other with relish (they didn’t know I could hear them).
It turns out that they have all experienced the same thing from Bill’s team.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that sort of crap could cause problems down the road, also why wouldn’t he privately ask you for legal advice instead of having you advise potential competitors or create liability for the company? Your friend doesn’t seem to get that you’re the company’s lawyer, and not simply some chill guy who hands out legal advice willy-nilly.” GreyIgnis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if this doesn’t resolve the problem, it’s time to either take this to HR or the higher-ups. If Bill truly does not understand why he can’t do what he’s doing beyond “OP will yell at me,” I worry what other embarrassment or legal liability his behavior’s about to cause the company that you don’t know about yet.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did hit the nuclear button but it seems necessary. Your other option, having already approached Bill about this, would have been to contact his superior directly and privately, with copies of emails. However, having worked at an MNC for many years myself as an engineer, I understand that sometimes the bosses of people who are actively messing up are often conflict-avoidant and have an aversion to actually fixing the problem.
Also: Sales and marketing people, SMH.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Refusing To Work Unpaid Overtime At My Contract Job?
“I (22F) graduated uni about a year ago and it was a little bit hard to get a hold of a job.
Out of pure luck, I found a job in a company that coaches people into working less and earning more… that being said I was offered a certain amount of pay hourly for a certain amount of hours every week.
They said I would do a trial for three months and then I would get a proper contract with superannuation and all the other benefits of being a proper employee.
My boss said that the business is not going amazing so when the three months finished she told me she can’t offer me a contract now due to financial stress and that contractor work will have to do.
I said that is okay with me.
Now, we have had the same agreement, the same hours for over 6 months…
A couple of weeks ago my boss starts saying that she’s noticed I do the bare minimum… when asked to explain she said that clocking in on time and leaving on time is simply not enough.
I am confused as I would understand if I was an employee of this company but I am kept on board as an hourly hired contractor by her choice.
The company decides to throw a three-day event fully catered and live-streamed by a crew of professionals (they got paid around 4K) and asks me to come to cover the event on social media and to take photos of everything – arriving an hour early and leaving an hour later.
I did it because I wanted to show my commitment and that I do “work hard” but then I realized she wanted me to stay for the gala that would happen after the 3-day event…. That means on the last day I would work from 8 am till midnight… and half of that day would be 100% unpaid.
I took it upon myself to ask her if it’s okay for me to bill her for the extra hours I would be working at the gala or if I could take those hours off the next week to balance it out.
She got extremely upset saying that she’s not in a good place financially and that I am not being a team player.
Anyway, she told me she won’t be needing my services any longer and that I will not be getting paid for the 4 hours of extra work I did before either.
This is extremely hard because I went into this job seeking security and a contract and it feels like I wasted my time…
Am I the jerk for not shutting up and working for free?
My parents seem to think that I should’ve just worked for free and I feel like an idiot now because I was making good income and now I am completely lost.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- here’s a tip. All companies have an “I got mine” attitude. In this case she got extra unpaid hours, didn’t have to pay more as a proper employee, etc. It’s only a problem when you start exercising the same autonomy.
Treat yourself as your only customer, and ensure you are getting the best deal you can for you. Yes you have to work but you’re not trying to defraud anyone. You are merely ensuring you are paid your value, not taken advantage of, and making the deal and terms upfront. There are millions of jobs out there.
Report them for wage theft and move on.” wiilyc22
Another User Comments:
“What boss did is illegal – requiring someone to work for free. Call the Department of Labor and file a report, you don’t need to work there to do this, and if the employer has done it once she most likely has done it repeatedly, using her position of power to extort free labor.
It is better to call the local/state department of labor it will elicit a quicker response. This is abusive work practices, you weren’t a guest at the gala, you were expected to be working.” Ok-Abbreviations-902
Are your parents really okay with you being taken advantage of like that? Because if they are, I'm not ok with that either.
6. AITJ For Contacting My Grandkids' Biological Father Without Their Mother's Consent?
“Years ago my daughter (Sarah 37) had a fling with a man she met on a trip, she got pregnant with twins and decided to keep them.
She has been a single mom since. She is always been unpredictable but she is a great mom and the kids have a good stable life.
Lately the twins (Ben and Matt 11) had been asking a lot about their bio father, they’re curious but Sarah refuses to speak of him, she only says their time together was brief and she really didn’t know him.
Matt and Ben want some of those DNA kits for Christmas, they’re kids but I know they’re serious on this search. I told Sarah this is going a bit too far and she needs to be open with them.
Throughout the years I’ve tried to encourage her to contact him for the kids’ benefit, but she says the twins are only hers.
After arguing for a while she admitted she is afraid he will reject them. ‘What if he doesn’t want to know them?’ She doesn’t want to put the kids through that.
I said ‘He is not a 20-year-old broke college student anymore. He is a homeowner, has a stable job; he even fostered a little girl who had no place to go.
I think he could be a good father to the kids if you give him a chance.’
She asked how did I know all that and I told her the truth, I hired a PI to look for him the moment she told me she was pregnant and I’ve been keeping tabs on him ever since, just in case she ever changes her mind.
She was furious, told me I had no right to do that in the first place, and asked me to leave. On the way out the twins begged me to tell them everything and send a message to their father for them.
I’ll admit I was upset.
At home I sent him a message telling him all.
I tried reaching out to Sarah and the kids but they ignored me for days.
He must have contacted Sarah because she called yelling at me that I went over her head and this wasn’t my decision to make, I told her the kids deserve to know where they come from, besides they’re his kids too.
My son is mad at me too saying I handled this all wrong, not only putting a strain on my relationship with Sarah but maybe dropping a bomb on that fellow’s life, which I found absurd, he is single. If anything it’s a chance for him to step up and be a dad.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nothing wrong with keeping tabs on him and telling Sarah what he was up to and encouraging her to let the boys know more about him and to let him know about his kids. For everything else… WOW. You majorly overstepped. It absolutely wasn’t your decision to make, to contact the father and tell him everything.
You don’t just get to roll over other people (your daughter) because you think you know better than they do. If you couldn’t convince your daughter to tell the boys about their father and vice versa, you needed to bite your tongue and wait until the children were older. At 18, if they still wanted to know, you could tell them.
(Not their father, but them, and let them decide what they wanted to do about contact or not.)” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here but the father of the twins. Sarah for not telling him when she got pregnant or in the years afterward, also for not telling the kids anything about him.
BUT this was NOT your decision to make!!!” drakkya
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion but NTJ. Yes the way you handled it was wrong no one can argue otherwise, but he is their father and deserves the right to know that they exist. You looked into him when she was pregnant and made sure that he was no threat to her or the twins.
You wanted to protect them like any loving grandparent would do. The twins want to know him and if their mom keeps them away with that possessive mindset she is only going to drive them away in the future. Now, contacting him behind her back is crossing the line. You should’ve let it settle for a couple of days later before going back to talk to her again.” AstroNerd48
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepmom's Kids To My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in a low-key ceremony to my fiance in February. We have a small guest list but there’s some drama. My stepmom is upset that her two kids, both in their late 20s, and grandkids and in-laws were not invited.
My dad married my stepmom when I was 5ish. I was 7 when I started living with them full-time after my mom had treated me badly.
My stepmom’s kids were older and not overly fond of me or happy to have me around. That was always clear to me. When they both got married they told everyone it was a child-free wedding to get around inviting me, who was a minor. However, when my stepbrother got married he had his wife’s nieces there and my stepsister’s kids.
So it wasn’t totally child-free but they were always pretty clear they didn’t want me around so no surprises there. I have never been invited to any of their kids’ birthday parties (the family parties), I have never been welcome in their home and we have not kept in touch as individuals. So not inviting them made total sense to me.
My stepmom disagrees and is hurt I didn’t invite them. She said that’s part of the problem with a 19-year-old getting married.
I asked her directly why I should invite them when they never invited me to their weddings, never included me in their families, and have never, ever made an effort to show any kind of desire for anything with me.
She was mad at me for asking like that. She said regardless of what happens we’re family. She told me she said the exact same things to them and has had these discussions with them. And we should all be doing it for her and my dad if nothing else. I pointed out they never want my dad around either.
She said but I do and that she and I have a good enough relationship to where I should at least send the invite and know they won’t show up.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. AT ALL. It’s your wedding and they’ve made it perfectly clear they couldn’t give a darn about you.
You shouldn’t have to invite people who clearly don’t care for you. Next time she bugs you about it, straight up tell her that you’ll uninvite her next. And if that causes more issues, just ignore it. If she was really that desperate for you and her kids to have some sort of bond, why didn’t she try and force them to invite you to their weddings?
The child-free one would make sense if it was actually completely child-free, but it wasn’t, so it’s clear it was just a means to keep you from going. Congrats on your marriage, OP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ time to stop arguing with her. The answer is no, they are not invited, that’s all you need to say (and all she should need to hear).
Disengage with her if she won’t take the no. It’s explicitly clear why you’re saying no. I’d also get your dad involved to handle the issue.” the_orig_princess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother may have asked them to invite you to her children’s wedding but they declined. I doubt her adult children care you’re getting married and won’t come anyway given their demonstrated indifference to you, so why waste the stamps?
It’s your wedding, you and your fiance are preparing the guest list, your step-siblings didn’t make the cut. Is she really concerned or is she worried about the optics of explaining why her children weren’t invited?” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Refusing To Discharge My Ill Mother From The Hospital?
“My mom is a bully. Always has been. She always has to have things her way, when she wants it, the way she wants it no matter how inconvenient, traumatic, financially draining, or even painful for others it might be.
She has a multitude of health problems and it has largely been up to me and my brother to care for her every time she gets ill or requires a medical procedure. My brother already has his own problems and so the bulk of the brunt of her anger, verbal abuse, and demanding behavior falls on me.
One of her MOs is discharging herself from the hospital against medical advice far before she is ready and then leaving it to me to handle the care that should be handled by a qualified nurse.
In the past, I was physically and emotionally capable but I have my own health problems that are making it more and more difficult.
I took care of her mother and my dad, both neurology patients (dementia and brain cancer, respectively).
Fast forward to Monday and I get a babbling phone call at 3 am, saying she had fallen. My fiance and I found her in the hallway, incoherent and unable to use her limbs.
She’d had a stroke.
Within 24 hours, she was demanding I take her home and discharge against medical advice.
Again. Only this time, she is a serious fall risk, easily confused, zero bladder control. We have absolutely nothing in place at her house to assist with at-home care. My fiance had helped me get her off the floor that morning but he can’t always be there. I knew if I took her home, there was no way I could take care of her safely.
So when she demanded I take her home, I put my foot down and said no. I told her she needed to stay in the hospital until she was stable enough for rehab and then she was going to rehab before I would bring her home.
Once I put my foot down, the rest of the family followed suit.
Her siblings, my kids, my brother, her friends everyone. No one will come get her. We are refusing to go to the hospital because she launches into verbal abuse so loud I’ve had to talk the nurses down from locking her up on a psych hold. She keeps trying to guilt and cry and manipulate (“They left me sitting in my own mess!”…when it took the nurse more than 30 seconds to answer her call button…she refuses to have a catheter).
My family is on my side but I am getting a lot of people on the outside of the situation calling me a heartless jerk for “abandoning my mother.”
What say you?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not abandoning her, you are ensuring she receives proper skilled care. If any “people on the outside” dare to question you, tell them they are more than welcome to bring her to their homes and play nurse for an abuser.
Stand your ground, OP. NTJ.” StereoOnCookingBacon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m a nurse, if you did take your mum home and didn’t have anything in place to give her the care she needs she will end up back in hospital with more issues than she started with. You are doing the right thing. I’m sure you are feeling bad but I’m sure if you talk to the doctors and nurses involved in her care they will agree with me.” MrsCakeakaJane
Another User Comments:
“She needs to realize that she’s not able to care for herself nor is she well enough for one person to care for her.. also, as someone who cares for his elderly father who also has dementia, I have had to learn that I need to take care of myself in order to take care of him.
Side note, next time maybe you should let them have a psychologist talk to her. She may need some help.” sr1701
The people who actually know what's going on agree with you. You're doing the right thing.
Also, idk if I would talk the nurses down from putting her on a psych hold. Maybe she needs that too.
3. AITJ For Setting Strict Rules For My Adult Son Living At Home?
“My son (23M) Chris just graduated college. He used to live hours away from me and his mom and younger sister but recently moved back in with us because he could no longer afford rent.
He said it was temporary but he’s been here for 4 months and that’s not what bothers me but the fact that he adds to our expenses and hasn’t started working and doesn’t help in any capacity. In other words, he’s become a burden. I talked to my wife about how Chris has been lazy and mooching off of everyone lately and suggested giving him the push he needed to start counting on himself as an adult.
She gasped saying how dare I imply we kick him out but that wasn’t what I suggested.
I sat with Chris and gave him a timeline as to when he’s expected to either start working and help around the house or move out. Til then I gave him rules that he needed to follow til further notice and those rules were:
A. No counting on us to do basic tasks and start doing his own laundry and wash his own dishes.
B. No complaining about what’s for lunch/dinner and accept and be grateful for the food he eats.
C. No wifi more than 6hrs a day just like his younger sister.
He kept laughing as I read him the rules repeatedly saying “bull man, are you serious?” I said “for real” and told him there was more…
D. No luxuries like Netflix subscriptions and YouTube live streams unless he somehow pays for it himself.
This was it for Chris, he blew up complaining about how ridiculous and unfair my rules were and reminded me he’s not a child anymore but I told him child or not, as long as he lives under my roof then he’s expected to follow the owner’s rules.
He got frustrated and yelled “mom” to come to his rescue. He got her involved and asked her to talk some sense into me. My wife argued with me and I asked her if she was okay with Chris recklessly increasing our bills and spending so much of our money on lavish stuff while doing nothing in return.
She blew up telling me to get rid of these unreasonable rules and that I should be ashamed of myself for treating my own son as an unwanted guest. I refused and told her she was enabling his unacceptable behavior and that Chris still has a chance to turn his situation around if he doesn’t like it.
Plus what does this teach our daughter? That it’s okay to be a lazy and irresponsible adult. She said Chris came home with a degree so darn right he’s responsible but is struggling and I was making it worse for him. She finished by saying I shouldn’t be surprised if he no longer speaks to me after he moves out eventually.
AITJ? Did I go too far here?
Important to mention that I’m the breadwinner for our entire household but I don’t mention this a lot since we’re family and this is our money.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: Chris is lazy and entitled. If he needed to move back home, the least he could do was contribute to the expenses and have a timeline for moving out.
You went overboard with these rules (no more than 6 hours a day wifi is just plain silly). You also implemented these rules without your wife being on board and knowing she specifically wasn’t on board. Your wife is enabling him.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Firstly, you should have agreed on these rules with your wife.
The rules about cleaning up after himself and doing laundry are totally reasonable – and if he wasn’t doing that already at the age of 23, I can understand why you’re angry with him. But limiting his WiFi and now allowing him to use Netflix, which you presumably already pay for? I don’t quite understand that.
Surely limiting his WiFi to 6 hours per day will restrict his job search? It would make more sense to introduce or enforce a rule where he has to prove he’s actively applying for work?” daydream128
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, as it seems you didn’t align your “rules” with your other half, and that’s where the issue has come in.
I think the requirement that he cleans up after himself and gets a job is totally fair, but putting him on the same restrictions as his sister (which seems a deliberate ploy to humiliate him) isn’t really acceptable.” dftaylor
Maybe have a conversation with him about what he wants to do now he’s home from college what he plans to do to look for work etc has he recently had a romantic relationship breakdown? TALK TO HIM
2. AITJ For Cutting School's PA System Cables And Causing A $14k Repair Bill?
“As I was picking up my son from school one day I was approached by a teacher who knows I work in the Audio Visual install world.
She asks me (over a loud screech coming through all the speakers in school) if I might know how to shut down this integrated PA they have.
I said I could try.
Why not?
For clarity I work in the automotive car audio industry. So while I have a healthy understanding of automotive AV, I am not highly versed in home or commercial. But I digress –
She and the maintenance man cannot get me into the room where the control equipment is because the key is somehow missing.
At this point I should have said, “nope can’t help”, and then left it be. But it was Friday and they had tried to reach this company several times and these speakers were REALLY freaking out. It would wail and screech alternately over and over. Kids walking with headphones in or covering their ears. This had been going on for something like 30 mins already.
So I stuck my foot in it.
In the very next room in the rafters, I found the speaker line bundle.
I told them the only way I could make it stop was to cut all the lines. They would need to be soldered back together and I warned them that the company that services the equipment would likely charge for that.
Was told by the maintenance guy to cut it. So I did.
What I didn’t know, hence my post and why I should have just stayed out of it, was that those systems have repeaters and amplifiers along the way. Makes sense in hindsight that a system with that many speakers would need boosters along the way.
I cut each one, one by one, with only my phone’s flashlight and at a weird angle in the rafters. Those details are a feeble but true statement attempting to excuse the next part.
Some of the cables I cut were fiber optic and some carried data and some carried who knows what. All were the same color and gauge.
Now I can go into the fact that all lines (even fiber optic) can be spliced but in my own field I always insist on replacing instead of splicing when possible because in the long run it proves more reliable. While a speaker wire can be soldered and be “as good as new” – a data line can (if rarely) have issues if the resistance in the solder splice changes the voltage on the line.
A fiber optic line can be spliced but… I understand the manufacturers wanting to have the system redone to ensure quality over the long term.
So in short… I get it. I shouldn’t have cut anything. I thought I was helping but now the school has a 14k bill to rerun the lines I cut and I feel terrible about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Not in a terrible way, but in a way where everyone just messed up. Maintenance should not have had you do anything and it sounds like you didn’t have the proper equipment causing you to cut things that you shouldn’t have cut. You should’ve refused and made maintenance do it.
With that said, if they are going to bill you for rerunning the cables, I’d say you should bill them for doing their work for them. 14K sound right?” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Since you weren’t experienced with that type of system, you never should have done anything more than look and give up when you couldn’t get into the room.
They’re jerks for telling you to do something that would cost the school more.” tonyrock1983
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You obviously did not have the knowledge to be dealing with this issue and should have noped out of there. Cutting cables you can’t identify properly is all on you.” nugz_mc-g
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Go On A Vegas Trip With Friends After Our Newborn's Arrival?
“One of my husband’s closest friends got married in a courthouse ceremony last year.
They debated postponing their entire ceremony but decided to just do a courthouse wedding to save money. They threw a smallish reception-like party in their backyard to celebrate with friends and family instead.
Since they also both had to cancel their bachelor/bachelorette parties, they decided to use some of the funds they saved from the wedding to go on trips with their friends.
My husband’s friend decided he wanted to go to Vegas. He sent out an email to everyone invited, detailing the trip. His friend would book and pay for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would have to pay for would be airfare and spending money.
When my husband told me about it he was so excited as he’s never been to Vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense.
However, we have 2 young kids at home, a 3-year-old and a 6-week newborn. The trip is in 6 weeks and my husband’s friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations.
I told my husband I don’t want him to go because I need his help at home.
He pretty much begged me but I did not give in. I do not think I can handle the needs of both kids by myself. Neither of us has family nearby, and I’m pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway. The only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away.
He offered to pay for her to come stay to help but I told him we can’t afford it, which he should know.
I was also upset that he thought we had the funds to pay for this at all. We have 2 kids, we shouldn’t be spending our income on party trips. I pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can’t go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it’s even an idea worth entertaining.
He’s still been trying to convince me and come up with ideas that he thinks will make it work, no matter how many times I tell him to stop. I finally snapped at him and told him to drop it because he’s not going and there’s nothing he can do to convince me otherwise. I told him his priority needs to be his family right now, not going off with friends to blow funds on drinks and gambling.
He called me a controlling jerk and that I’m depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip. I told him if he went he would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime moments with his kids and that’s what he needs to focus on. I told him he just needs to drop it and tell his friend he can’t go and be done with it.
He told me that he hopes I remember this when there’s something that I really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this. He did finally tell his friend he can’t go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids.
I can’t even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like you’re dictating terms, not discussing them … no wonder he’s barely speaking to you … what’s the point of dialogue with someone whose mind is already made up about everything.” moondoggie1960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see why he wants to go but newborns are HARD. Both parents, not just the mother, should be fully expected to sacrifice all of their social events temporarily after having a baby. It’s what you sign up for when you choose to impregnate someone. Your life is no longer your own. Your kid’s needs come first. And it sounds like the kid’s needs can’t be met at this stage by just one parent.
Both toddlers and newborns are hard work and sleep is in short supply. The NEEDS of your family, of your children to be cared for, and of your wife to get sleep and be healthy mentally are first over friends. Newborns have high needs around the clock. Leaving them is unrealistic at this age. You can’t just dump your newborn on the other parent for days because of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to party.
When you are a parent you pass those opportunities up because you made that choice when you made a kid. You will be sleep-deprived ALONE with NO BREAKS for 3 days. 12 weeks is WAY TOO LITTLE to be left for days at a time. If this trip was planned at any other time than a few weeks after childbirth I’d vote differently.
But dumping all the baby care on your partner to party 12 weeks postpartum in the most difficult months of a parent’s life is very selfish and inconsiderate.” [deleted]
I would've let him go. But I wouldn't think I couldn't handle my kids alone at that age. Also, I have handled my kids alone at that age for a few days.
He needs to do things he enjoys not kid related. So do you. I think it's sh¡tty to prevent him from going. Same if he prevented you from going.
My only issue is he could end up claiming a good chunk of your money in a divorce please get legal advice and fast.. you are married to a man child