People Hope They Got It Right In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Having My Neighbour's Vehicles Towed From My Driveway?
“In my neighbourhood, the homes have a garage which has room for one vehicle, and a driveway with room for a second. I’m visually impaired (no sight) so I don’t have a vehicle.
A friend stopped by and thought I already had company because there was a vehicle in my driveway.
Luckily she had been jogging otherwise she wouldn’t have had anywhere to park since that vehicle was in my driveway and was blocking the garage. It was still there when she left. She wrote a note saying this is private property and to please move and not park there.
The vehicle kept parking there. Another friend put up a no parking sign. My next-door neighbour saw the sign and said the vehicle belonged to Jane (a neighbour from across the street). I went over and asked Jane to not park there. Jane said her fiancée just moved in and because Jane already had two vehicles because one is hers for her work (she is apparently self-employed) they needed somewhere for the third vehicle and I’m not using my driveway so they are using it.
I’ll note here Jane/her fiancée never asked if they could use my driveway. They just went ahead. If I could see I obviously would have noticed right away but I had no idea. My next-door neighbours on either side of me thought I was doing them a favour since Jane’s been parking there for months.
I also found out from them Jane’s fiancée parked in my driveway before she moved in when she visited. My job just recently went fully remote and my company has given up our office space completely. Before they sold our office space this summer I still had to go into work.
Jane’s fiancée works a different shift so I didn’t know. I told Jane she didn’t have permission and I sent her a registered letter too.
She still parked there so I got a tow truck to come. Jane got angry at me and she said she will take me to court to get the fees back.
A week after Jane’s vehicle was towed I fell going to my mailbox because there was a car in the driveway and I bumped into it. It was Jane’s fiancée’s personal car. She parked in my driveway because Jane didn’t want her work vehicle to be towed again.
Jane is saying she’ll take me to court for the fees for this tow too. She also said it’s my fault I fell because I didn’t have my cane. I never use it on my own property and I’m overreacting because no one is using my driveway so they should be able to.
The police came when I fell because an ambulance came and they told Jane and her fiancée to stop parking here.
Apparently, they can’t afford the fees so the towing company still has Jane’s fiancée’s car. Jane and her fiancée say I’m a horrible neighbour/jerk ETC. for not letting them use the driveway and causing them these headaches.
I don’t feel like the jerk in this situation. But I can’t drive and I don’t really understand the importance of having a vehicle. A few of my acquaintances have agreed with Jane and say I’m a massive jerk for calling the tow trucks. I’d like honest opinions from people with no stake in this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’d sue Jane for any injuries or stress related to the fall that you had as a result of her illegal parking. I’m sure that had she been decent enough to talk to you about her request the outcome could have been MUCH different, however, Jane has no decency and here we are.
Screw Jane.” Hannymann
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ here, obviously. It’s your driveway, they have no right to park there without your permission, and they were intentionally taking advantage of your blindness — they probably figured you’d never notice. Jane is the jerk, her fiance is the jerk, and so are your acquaintances who agree with her.” PingPongProfessor
Another User Comments:
“I would be wary of the friends agreeing with Jane. You are being taken advantage of by your neighbor. Keep calling tow trucks until they don’t have a car. A judge will laugh them out of court. I would suggest trying to contact a lawyer just for advice on the particulars of this, but you won’t need a lawyer to represent you in small claims court.
I would send a note threatening to counter-sue for damages related to the fall, since you actually have grounds for a suit if there were any related costs on your end.” MartyRobinsHasMySoul
22. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Babysitting My Niece As It Affects My Job?
“I (19M) had to put my foot down today to my sister (25F) and her fiancé (24M) that I can no longer take care of my niece (4F).
My sister had my niece pretty young and during her pregnancy, I made sure to help her the best as I could (I was probably 15 or 16 at the time.) I offered to take care of her when she eventually went back to work along with her fiancé.
During this time, I wasn’t working, mainly focusing on my education and my niece.
However, I’m now starting to work in retail, working my way up to a supervisor role. My sister was very supportive but got a little upset when I told her my schedule since I wouldn’t be able to take care of my niece as much.
At first, it wasn’t a problem, I would offer to take care of her during my days off and my sister would take my niece to her fiancé’s side of the family whenever she worked.
This is where the problem starts, Four months ago, I got a sudden call from my sister at work asking if I can call off from work to take care of niece because she just found out her fiancé’s sister who’s been helping taking care of her is unable to do so.
I took the offer, called off of work, and took care of my niece until the sister was deemed safe to be around her. However, after this incident, my sister would just start calling me to take care of my niece, even getting to the point where she would call my store saying it’s a family emergency so I can come home to take care of her.
I confronted my sister telling her I can’t be taking so many days off/calling out because I can lose my position and she should start looking for daycare or a nanny. My sister got upset and insisted since I’m her younger brother, I should be the one to take care of her when she and her fiancé are unable to.
After this heated argument, I flat out just insisted that if that was how they felt then I would just stop babysitting for my niece.
I can see me looking unreasonable but considering my sister does have options, I don’t see why she would go that far to have me do it considering it’s now starting to affect my job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re absolutely right and they should arrange proper childcare, not demand that you organize your life around them. Calling your employer is absolutely disgusting behavior!” Sir-Dax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own job and other commitments. Not to mention that it’s parents’ responsibility to either provide the care themselves or arrange it.
After all – why can’t she or her fiancé take a day off work? You owe them nothing.” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like they got used to the free childcare and want to continue to take advantage of that. You need to worry about you and your future, it is so far out of line for your sister to call your JOB to lie so you can watch her kid.
Don’t budge on your boundaries, they needed to be set.” Viridescentic
21. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of Another Sibling If My Parents Decide To Have One?
“I 17F have had a rocky relationship with my parents since my siblings (10M, 7M, 3F, 9monthsM) were born. I was an unexpected child when my parents were teenagers and they have told me in arguments that I ruined their lives. However, this is not what this post is about.
My parents are notorious workaholics and constantly accuse one another of being unfaithful. It’s stressful for everyone in the house, young ones included. All of my siblings have had paternity tests.
Because they work so often, though, it means I am often left (for sometimes 48 hours) to care for my siblings alone.
This has gotten so bad that the 9-month-old and 3-year-old sometimes cry for me instead of our actual mother. I cook for them, make sure they get to school on time, and do their homework, I clean and play with them. The 10-year-old invites me to his football games.
I don’t get time to do anything for myself.
Well, last week, me and my parents were arguing again. They want another baby to ‘bring them closer together.’ I was furious and straight up told them that they didn’t look after the kids they already had and I’d just end up having to look after another one.
I told them that if they have another baby, I want nothing to do with it and they will be all on their own. They called me a jerk and said I was trying to ruin their marriage and their careers.
I spoke to my grandma about it and, while she sympathizes with my situation, she says I should be supportive of my parents trying to fix their marriage.
She told me it was my duty as the oldest sibling to care for my younger ones and I was being kind of a jerk and should apologize to my parents but I still don’t think I am.
So here I ask– AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is called parentification and is considered abuse in a lot of places. It sounds like you need to look at making plans to leave as soon as you’re 18. Prayers and hugs for you.” (deleted)
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, They have had four babies “to fix their relationship” and it is still not good.
They don’t need another one. You are not supposed to be the parent of your younger siblings.” (deleted)
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also babies are not for fixing relationships. They’re people, small ones that require lots of attention and work. Another sibling won’t fix your parents’ relationship.
Also, get out as soon as you can. Your parents and grandparents are selfish and do not have your best interest at heart.” hairy_stanley
20. AITJ For Refusing To Repay My Mom After Her Hair Stylist Hurt My Son?
“My (26F) mom (45F) got married to my now stepdad (65) last Thursday, she asked me if my son (3) could participate in her wedding and I said yes. For some context my mother and I are white while my son is mixed with 4C hair, I’m not an expert in 4C hair, but before we had our son my husband and his family taught me the essentials and basics, he told me that if the head hurts, it had to go.
My mom said that she wanted to get her hair done alongside her bridesmaids and MOH (all her sisters) and asked us if my son could get his hair done too, I said yes but that it had to be someone who knew how to manage my son’s hair and to PLEASE stop if he showed some kind of ”big” (as in moving, asking them to stop or saying it hurt) discomfort and try another hairstyle, she said okay.
I didn’t come with them because my mom only wanted the bridesmaids, MOH, and my son with her which was fine, I trusted my mom and my husband and I went to another hairstylist near their place to get my hair and nails done. We finish around 1, 1:30 pm but my mom texts me and says that she’s going to take another 2 hours because they haven’t finished with my son, I say okay and go back home to finish the last things.
The wedding was at 5 and around 4, 4:15 my mom shows up with my son and rushed to another room, I ask my baby how it went and he starts to cry(??), he says that his head hurts and that the hairstylist pulled his hair, my MIL checks his hair and says that his scalp is quite red and swelled so between my MIL, my FIL, my husband and me, we undo his hair and my in-laws do another hairstyle that’s much gentler to his scalp.
He looked cute.
I immediately go to my mom and asked if my son said something, she admits that he cried a little but they were already there so she told him to******* up, I told her that my son came to us crying and that his scalp was red, she tries to dismiss me so I add that we undid his hair and now they’re giving him another one, she gets mad because she spent $250 on a ”professional” and demands that I pay them back but I refused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t pay a professional. If she had, your kid wouldn’t have been in pain. After that, I would never trust her to be alone with my kid ever again.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry your son was hurt but who on earth spends $250 on a hair stylist for a 3-year-old?
She wanted his hair done, she can foot the bill.” Middle_Plantain_8431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She paid 250 for them to inflict pain on her infant grandchild for one event. Let her feel the pain of wasting a large sum of money due to her own selfish wants.
She should be ashamed of herself.” Dont-trust-it
19. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Husband Losing My Pie Server And Refusing To Retrieve It?
“I (26f) am married to David (28m). I enjoy baking and cooking, and right before Canadian Thanksgiving (beginning of Oct.), I baked a whole bunch of apple and pumpkin pies and froze them for later.
My husband David, about 3 weeks ago, was asked to bring a dessert item for a potluck at work. He’s a teacher, and also the only male teacher at his school (the rest of the teachers are female – this will be relevant later on in my post).
He doesn’t like to cook or bake usually, so David asked me if he could bring two of my pies to school for the potluck. I said yes, as I didn’t mind and I had lots of pies to spare.
The issue was that he also wanted to bring my two pie servers to work with him as well.
I said no initially because I didn’t want them to get lost or forgotten. He assured me that it would be fine and that I was being unreasonable for worrying about it.
Cue the day of the potluck, a Friday, when he returns home, no pie servers in hand.
I asked him what happened, and he said that he forgot, but he’d get them next week (on the Monday). Well, that didn’t happen, and each time I asked, he said he forgot or was busy, etc. Finally, at the end of that week, he brought home two pie servers, but one of them wasn’t mine.
It looked similar, but definitely not mine, and he asked me if we could just keep it, to avoid having to talk to his coworkers. I said, “Absolutely not, I want it back.” Two weeks go by with occasional reminders from me asking when he’s going to get it back, and then yesterday, he says I need to stop asking because I’m not getting it back.
Apparently, all the coworkers are female and he feels awkward interacting and talking to them. There is never the right moment to enquire about it, which is why he let 3 weeks lapse. He feels that it would be embarrassing for him to ask them for help to figure out what happened to my pie server.
He says that I am making a big deal over nothing (and he has offered to buy me a new one).
I am very angry and frustrated with him about this whole situation. I have told him that I am never helping again with another potluck, and he can’t take any of my kitchen tools/items to “borrow”.
I threatened to contact his principal and coworkers over email to enquire about the pie server since he won’t talk to them, and he said I was being a jerk/would damage his career. He said that I like lording this situation over him about a silly pie server.
I just don’t feel respected in this situation. I will accept his offer for a brand new pie server that I pick out, but the whole situation is still really nagging at me, and I want to know whether I was the jerk for taking this argument too far and being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he borrowed something that mattered to you and didn’t bother to bring it back? He doesn’t have much of a career in front of him if he can’t handle having a polite conversation with his coworkers. Stop handling his work potlucks for him.
If he’s going to act like a child over this he can go make a pie himself.” Sweet_Persimmon_492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like his coworkers are refusing to give them back, or they are truly lost, your husband is just too much of a coward to have a simple conversation about it.
Do what you have to do.” hibernativenaptosis
18. AITJ For Cancelling My Friend's Wedding Dress Over Unreasonable Demands?
“I (25f) am a seamstress. It’s not my job, but I’ve done quite a few pieces throughout the years. So far, I’ve made three wedding gowns and a couple of graduation dresses, apart from everyday clothes.
My friend Karina (26f) is getting married and she asked me to make her dress.
As a wedding gift, I told her that I would pay for the materials, as long as they are not expensive or very unique, so she just had to pay me an hourly rate for my work. She wasn’t very excited about that, she expected me to gift her the dress, but she accepted. This was three months ago, and I could already feel something was not right.
Looking back at it, I was dumb for not listening to my gut.
Karina has been an absolute nightmare to work with. I truly have never encountered someone more exasperating (and I’ve worked in retail). So far, she’s changed the fabric, the shape, the details, and the overall design of the dress multiple times.
She has also been extremely specific about certain, very expensive, materials. Karina says she has good taste and needs everything to be perfect, but I just think she is being extremely obnoxious.
My breaking point was when she decided that she “needed” Swarovski crystals in her dress.
I asked her if she thought of adding them as details, but then she tells me that she wants the whole dress covered in them. In Swarovski crystals. That I have to pay. I literally started laughing at how ridiculous it sounded. (This was all by text by the way).
I texted her that there is no way I am paying for those crystals. I then send her this message: “Karina, I truly appreciate your friendship, but I’ve realized that you have not been a nice person to work with, your demands are unreasonable and you have been taking advantage of me.
I have decided to end our deal here. I will send you the bill for my work so I can finish the gown as we previously agreed to. When you pay me, you may come for your dress”.
She then texts me that she doesn’t have to pay a single penny for my work, since I am the one who is not fulfilling my part of the deal. I then text her “no pay, no dress”.
Karina’s wedding is in a month, and she is absolutely freaking out on social media, looking for second-hand dresses, or places to rent wedding gowns, which leads me to believe that she was counting on me gifting her the dress. I feel awful.
Everyone who I have told this says that what I did was a jerk move, but Karina deserved it.
I truly don’t know. I was thinking of finishing the dress in a more simple manner and gifting it to Karina.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bridezilla never intended to pay you a dime. Lesson for you; you didn’t set a limit on material costs..
“not too expensive” is extremely subjective. Do not back down on no-money, no-dress. I would go ahead and finish it and put a fair price tag on it. If she wants it, she can pay for it. If not, sell it cheap online so another bride can take it and have it fitted and altered as needed for herself.” Annalirra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was definitely taking advantage of you. You didn’t leave her without a dress either she just has to pay for it and is choosing not to. I am curious why you offered to pay for the materials instead of offering your services for free and she pays for the materials.
Then she can have whatever she wants but gets the free labor. Hindsight maybe.” Fastr77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, if she absolutely does need that dress, she’ll pay for it. If she doesn’t it means she knows she can’t afford it and was all too happy to put it on your tab.
This is like offering to buy your friend lunch so they purposefully order the lobster tail and their most expensive bottle of wine. Forget these people.” tallballa44
17. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Ex For Taking Our Daughter's Phone?
“I (22F) have a 6-year-old daughter, Bella, with my ex-partner (22M). For context: my ex’s family was always super strict and religious and raised him the same way, mine has always been way more relaxed so I’m pretty lenient with Bella.
Bella is like a little mini-me. She’s the sweetest kid and our taste in almost everything is about the same. Obviously, she’s into little kid stuff like Vampirina and Frozen, but one major thing she takes after me in is my music taste. Most of the stuff I listen to is metal or rock, but that’s never seemed to bother Bella.
She gets really into anything I put on. I gave her my old (disconnected) iPhone X for her most recent birthday, just for games and music. She asked me to put some of the songs that I listen to on it. It’s not really heavy stuff, it’s mainly Three Days Grace with one Korn song.
If I had thought any of the music was inappropriate, I wouldn’t have shown it to her or put it on her device.
Bella’s dad and I have never seen eye to eye on the stuff that she’s allowed to watch/read/listen to. She’s not allowed to watch anything with “supernatural” themes at his house (including stuff with talking animals so… most things), I can’t send over any books/movies that her dad and grandparents (he lives with them) haven’t approved when she goes over there.
I normally don’t send Bella over with anything against those rules or anything that might get lost, but she asked if she could bring her phone to her dad’s this week and I decided to let her. Bella comes back this afternoon with no phone.
I thought that she lost it because she told me at first that she did, but she eventually told me that her dad had taken it away. I called my ex and sure enough, he did take it. He said that he took it because his parents went through it and saw that she had ‘inappropriate’ music on it and it’s his job as a dad to keep ‘his kid’ away from stuff like that.
I told him that I’d come by sometime during the week to pick up the phone. He asked me if I was going to give it back to Bella and I told him yes. He said he wasn’t going to give me back the phone then.
I tried reasoning with him, but I told him it’s either he gives me back the phone or I call the cops on him for stolen property. Her dad went on a whole rant about how I’m getting in the way of him trying to parent ‘his kid’ and that I can’t do that to him and I’m ruining his relationship with Bella and trying to ruin his life over a phone (he has had trouble with cops before).
I feel like I might have gone straight to the nuclear option, but A) it’s my property, and B) he can’t just do whatever he wants with our kid. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and call the cops. It was NOT his property and he had NO RIGHT to take it from her.
Also, do not allow her to take it with her to his house anymore. It is a shame that he and his parents are so strict that she can’t even watch shows like Dora the Explorer, Rapunzel, Arthur or DuckTales or the like because they consider them “supernatural” and thus … evil, I guess?
Wow… Just wow… They are going to have no one but themselves to blame when she grows up and goes NC with them. But you are doing good by trying to follow their rules for her when she is in their house (i.e. not sending over books and movies and such that they wouldn’t approve of) and by trying to keep things civil all around.
That is about the only thing you can do to keep the peace. But this phone thing? Yeah, that you need to call the cops on. Plain and simple.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should’ve just told him that you weren’t giving her the phone back.
Then talked to her – let her know she can use the phone as she wishes when she’s with you, but she can’t take it to her dad’s because… (he’ll take it away & keep it & won’t give it back).
J/K. Just explain to her that you & her dad have different parenting styles – unfortunately, y’all can’t agree on this phone issue, so she has to leave it “home” when she “visits” her dad & grandparents.” alphabet654
16. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors To Our Landlord For Lying About Having A Child?
“My (28F) husband (32M) and I live in a duplex.
There are 2 units and we share a wall with the other unit. New neighbors just moved into the unit next door recently and we haven’t done more than wave from afar at them as of now.
Our landlords decreed that me and my husband would pay essentially 3/5 of the shared utilities (it’s a house split into 2 units with only one utility meter) and they’d pay 2/5 because we have a cat (don’t ask, I don’t understand why our landlords think the cat is using utilities) and they are just a couple.
Well this is the first weekend we’ve really been home all weekend since they moved in completely. It’s pretty obvious now that they lied and told our landlords that they’re just a couple but actually have a young kid over there too.
The kid has been screaming all weekend. My husband works nights and he’s most affected because during the day it’s constant so he can’t sleep. I tried sending them a text to ask them to keep the noise down and I get no response.
Deductive reasoning is telling me that this kid is theirs and not a kid they’re just babysitting because the kid keeps saying the word mommy and they don’t seem to have any other adults over there. So I asked our landlord about it as we were told there would be two people over there and no kids or pets.
If it wasn’t for the fact that the child is loud I would just mind my own business, even though we are paying extra on utilities because of their lie. But I don’t think it’s fair that we’re paying extra on utilities and having to deal with having to hear a screaming child at all hours of the day.
The child isn’t a baby, my guess is about 4-5 years old. There’s no reason this kid needs to be screaming.
My husband doesn’t agree with my choice to alert the landlords and thinks it was kinda a jerk move. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re paying their bills for them when they have a kid and you have a cat. The jerk move is for them to take advantage of that.” FjortoftsAirplane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where I come from, lying about something like that in order to deceive someone out of funds and thereby charging you more is downright unfair and wrong.
I would totally speak up and tell your landlord. That’s just not right what they’re doing. As far as the kid crying all day, if that’s true, something is def wrong there. No normal kid that age cries that much unless there’s a medical/physical problem or the kid is being neglected. If it continues, you may need to call CPS.
Every tenant is entitled to peace and quiet and not be subjected to constant noise. Check your rental agreement and tell the landlord about the crying all day and that the neighbors haven’t answered you.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one it sounds like they lied. Why would you not let your landlord know about your child?
That’s weird in my opinion. Under your landlord’s reasoning wouldn’t you guys just be “the couple”. A cat has nothing to do with anything. Unless he’s thinking of it as a way of getting pet rent. It’s just a sucky situation and if it was me I would not be paying for their utility usage.
Just no way.” Jessamychelle
15. AITJ For Wanting To Send My Daughter To An Expensive Boarding School Despite My Ex's Concerns?
“My ex-husband and I got divorced ~10 years ago and both quickly remarried. We have a daughter (14f) for whom we share custody. My daughter has 2 step-siblings (15f and 13m) and lives at my ex’s house for two weeks, then switches over to our house for the next two weeks.
My husband and I are well off and can provide our daughter with a lot of things my ex and his new wife can’t provide their children with. This has caused some issues and jealousy in the past, but nothing too major.
The issue: My new husband and I want to send our daughter to an expensive boarding school, starting next year.
My husband went there and had “some of the best years of his life” according to him. It’ll be expensive, but we’ve talked it through, and we can spare the money because we want to take advantage of any opportunity to give our daughter the best life we can, which in this case would be an education and experience that many would dream of.
We have talked about it with our daughter, and she seemed super excited about this opportunity. My ex seemed to like this idea at first, but has shut it down after talking to his new wife. Apparently, her children already dislike our daughter for being “rich” and this will most definitely cause even more resentment.
This led to an argument. I think if we have the ability to provide a better education for our daughter, it’s our responsibility as parents to do so. It is unfortunate for my daughter’s step-siblings, but sadly life isn’t always fair and that’s a lesson they need to learn.
My ex thinks I shouldn’t further the “class division” between my daughter and their kids because it would only lead to more resentment.
I can understand how my ex and his wife feel, but I think they are denying our daughter a chance of having something great.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your daughter got into an Ivy League college, would her stepmother throw a fit and make her go to a less-than-stellar college just because her kids couldn’t go? She has an opportunity that she can’t afford to pass up and she will end up resenting her father and his wife for making her miss out.” reallynah75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I was your daughter and I had to give up a great opportunity for myself because my father’s wife’s children couldn’t afford it I would be hurt and I would be angry. If anything I would want to distance myself more from the other children and blame them since clearly it was their jealousy that got rewarded and negatively impacted my life.
This might seem harsh but tell your ex that if your daughter asks why she wasn’t allowed to go, you won’t lie to cover up for them. Then ask how well he thinks that will help “blend” their families.” IsThatMarcy
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ here, OP.
If you have the means, and your daughter is excited about the opportunity, that’s the end of the discussion. To hold her back over interpersonal resentment makes your ex the jerk here; it’d be one thing if he had literally any other concerns, but you haven’t described any so I’m just going to have to take your word on that.” VerendusAudeo
14. AITJ For Not Defending My Siblings When They Excluded Me From Christmas Celebrations?
“For context, my parents are divorced and living in separate houses. I moved in with my dad when I was around 16 because of my mother (she liked to take things out on me), and I currently still live with my dad full-time due to college expenses.
Both of my siblings visit for a week at each location. My brother and I are both 19, my sister is 17.
We slept at our dad’s on Christmas Eve, baking cookies and watching movies. Christmas morning, we stopped by our mother’s apartment to have breakfast and exchange gifts and I noticed that only our mother and I were doing so.
My sibling’s presents remained untouched, so I asked them about it before we headed out. According to my siblings, they wanted to do Christmas with “just them”.
We drove back to our father’s and had a great time exchanging gifts and decorating the cookies we made last night.
Then, my siblings drove back over to our mother’s apartment to have a Christmas with just them. Or, as they put it, “with family”.
I mentioned it offhandedly to our dad when he asked where they went – deliberately avoiding details or specifics – largely because I didn’t want to make the holiday all about me or sour the mood.
Whenever they returned home, our dad suddenly sprung a “family meeting” and spoke about treating each other like family and being there for each other. He did say that they were being rude by not including me – that we could’ve just had one big Christmas at our mom’s and then one at his instead of them driving over twice.
I sat there in silence because I didn’t think he’d say anything and I wasn’t about to admit how I actually felt hurt by the situation. My dad did say some things that could’ve been read as rude, but it was mostly saying they could’ve handled it differently or wouldn’t like it if I did something like that to them.
Now, my siblings are upset at me for not defending them during the talk. They’re both being incredibly short and snappy to me and make a pointed effort to avoid me at all costs. They have said to my face that it’s because I didn’t defend them and the only reason our dad’s upset is because I “snitched”.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father was correct. You’re part of that family even if you don’t live with them. What if you were away for college? Because you would live away from them, does that make you no longer family?
No. Don’t feel bad for what your father did. And you certainly didn’t snitch. That makes it seem like you told a secret, which wasn’t the case. Your siblings are just feeling butt hurt because even at their ages, they got a talking to from dad.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mother seems to be seeking revenge against you by driving a wedge between you and your siblings, and your siblings are happy to help. It’s not often that I’m glad I’m an only child, sheesh. Sorry this is happening.” iwanttoquitposting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are now identified as “the problem” their “family only” Christmas did not work out, so your mom is clearly still taking things out on you, and your siblings are buying into it. Good on your dad – he’s a rockstar and you should stick with him.” MolassesFragrant342
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister-In-Law Lied About A Family Surprise?
“A few weeks ago my sister-in-law said she was planning a surprise for her family and asked if I would help. She has 5 children and she said it involved traveling 2.5 hrs to the city to spend 3 days as a surprise and to do fun things.
I asked my sister-in-law if the surprise was her oldest daughter coming back from college across the country. She specifically told me that wasn’t it, she just wanted a fun weekend in the city with the other 4 kids.
I had just been unwell. I still wasn’t feeling great and was very fatigued most of the day.
The idea of spending that much time with her kids while trying to get back on my feet and having to help watch them did not sound like the right thing for me. I said that I could not commit to spending the weekend but I could potentially come for a day.
Shortly after, my friend across state invited me to visit. She knew I had been sick and was recovering. Her husband was out of town and while I was sick my husband was gone and then had to travel. My friend invited me to her house, and even paid for me to get there so I wouldn’t have to drive.
She said we could watch movies, do puzzles, and she’d help me get on the mend. It sounded more like what I was up for and it would be nice not to be alone after being sick.
While there, my sister-in-law texted me and I learned that the surprise was actually what I had guessed, that her eldest daughter flew home from across the country for the weekend for a visit.
She knew I had gone to visit my friend but asked if she could take her oldest daughter to go visit my dogs (which were being watched by a friend). I told her yes but also expressed that I was really hurt and disappointed she lied to me.
My sister-in-law said that this was a surprise and that’s not how surprises work. She also said if she and her family were a priority, I would have gotten to see my niece but they clearly weren’t so it’s my fault. I felt very hurt and disappointed that she deliberately misled me.
While I still wouldn’t have been up to traveling to the city with her and her children for the entire weekend, I would have made time to visit and I wouldn’t have gone to see my friend. When I expressed this, she said I clearly like her eldest daughter more than the rest of her kids.
I care for all my nieces and nephews, but flying across the country is a big deal. To me, that is something you make time for because you don’t see that person as often.
Am I the jerk for being angry about her not telling me the surprise when I guessed it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You specifically asked if your niece was coming home, and I gathered from your text, the implication was that if she had told you so, you would have gone to see her, so I don’t see how she couldn’t have gotten the same message.
She knew you had just gotten over being unwell and should have expected that you would be more delicate. A thoughtful version of the phone call should have been something like: “I know you’re not feeling 100%, so I wanted to run this by you. Please, don’t mention it to anyone else because I’m planning a surprise, but Daughter is coming home from college and I’m hoping to gather the family to see her.
Do you think you might be able to make it? Ideally, we’re hoping to spend three days as a family between the xth and the yth, but even a single day would be amazing. Just think on it and let me know. And remember, keep this under your hat.
I want to surprise Brother, Grandparents, etc. You know we love you and we’re all thinking about you while you recover!” But no, she had to be a jerk about it.
You were very reasonable and straightforward, and she knows she did wrong which is why she’s doing mental somersaults to make it your fault.
I will say that you’d be well advised to give your niece a personal phone call and congratulate her on her semester so far, and let her know you would have been there if you had known she was coming (without disparaging her mother, of course), but you hope she understands that you’re recovering from an illness and just wanted some peaceful company while you get better.” harmonytw
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but your sister definitely is. Not only did she lie to you and let you miss out on a chance to see your eldest niece for the first time in how long, but she wanted someone who just got over being sick to go traveling with her and the kids..
to a different city to see someone else who has been traveling, too! Like, that is SUCH a bad idea, I can’t even believe she suggested it! I’m not saying that I think you can’t/shouldn’t see your family, but what she was asking was such a risk!
For you, for her and the kids, and everyone else! And then she has the gall to come down on you about priorities? Hm.. she sounds like a real gem. Cubic zirconia.” harderthanitlooks27
12. AITJ For Accepting A Job At My Old Workplace Despite My Ex's Discomfort?
“My (26f) ex (“James” 26m) and I met at work. We were super good friends. He asked me out and I initially turned him down, but eventually I saw him in a romantic light.
We began seeing each other in Dec 2019. Both of us were not emotionally ready for a relationship.
February: I went into one of the darkest depressive episodes of my life. In self-destruction, I got involved with someone else. I am many things but a liar is not one.
I told James. Of course he was furious and ended things with me. I immediately regretted pushing him away, especially in such a hurtful way. We realize we’re both miserable without each other. It took time but we got back together.
April: I get into grad school across the country.
We decided to be happy while we could then I would move for school. If I ever found myself back home we would see where we were at.
August: He drives me to the airport, we cry, I move.
October: Over text he kept pushing a dumb argument and trying to have the last word and used my anxiety against me saying “well at least I can do everyday tasks without freaking out”.
I snapped and told him to get lost.
November: I reached out to apologize. We agreed that this fight was all too similar to many we’ve had in the past. It ended with heartfelt texts that we’re sorry we hurt each other and hope they have a good life knowing we’ll always care.
He liked my last message. We didn’t speak again.
May: My best friend Marie, also close with James, tells me he asked her if she thought there could ever still be a chance for us to be together again.
June: I’ve met the most amazing guy and post a picture of us on social media.
A few minutes later “James has unliked your message” (didn’t even know your phone alerted you of this). Next thing I know he’s texting Marie these horrible things that I’m a lying, unfaithful, gaslighting, manipulative devil woman (direct quote). The last thing we said to each other was amicable and I heard he was recently asking about the possibility of us getting back together.
Yet as soon as I post that I’ve moved on nearly a year after I left for school I become a “devil woman”.
Today: I’m home for break and my old job begs me to come in to help with the holiday rush for the week.
When I get there James says it’s messed up of me to come here where HE works (as if I didn’t work there first AND longer). I ask him what changed, we were on good terms. He says that after reflecting he realized how horribly I treated him through the whole relationship.
He claims I should have said no when they asked me to work. I want to respect his boundaries but that was almost 2 years ago now, this is a short-term job and would be fiscally irresponsible of me to turn down. I’m not being malicious and really need money for school.
In my books, we ended things fine and he only changed his mind when he saw I moved on. Don’t they say you can’t expect others to control your triggers? I don’t want to hurt him but I think he’s being unreasonable especially when my rent is on the line.
Of course I’m the jerk for being unfaithful but I’m not asking about that, that should be obvious, I’m only wondering if I’m the jerk for going to work after being a jerk in the past.”
Another User Comments:
“Omg, sweetheart – NTJ!!!! You have every right to work there.
You have every right to work there FOREVER, if you wanted to. It’s James that is being the jerk here. I don’t care if you were unfaithful in front of him while wearing lit sparklers while singing the Star-spangled Banner, it does not give him the right to dictate one single thing you do now.
It was 2 years ago and he needs to get over it. One word of warning though: be careful. Sometimes, when people feel ‘wronged’ they do crazy things. I wouldn’t spend any time alone with him, or let him walk me to my car. And, you might want to tell someone you trust there that you two have a history and about what he said.
It’s him that’s in the wrong, and the more people that know (and can keep you safe), the better!” Psychsarepeopletoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You two are obviously not meant to be together, but that shouldn’t stop you from earning money. Take the job and ignore him.” alexemalexem
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You both sound really immature. Why would you even want to work in an environment like that? You were unfaithful to him, you guys had a breakup that didn’t go super smoothly. While he doesn’t have a right to demand you don’t work somewhere, I would have a difficult time suddenly seeing you every day again too.” laziestphilosopher
11. AITJ For Avoiding My Stepbrother After He Tricked Me Into Drinking Booze?
“My stepbrother (20M) is kind of a jerk.
His way of making a joke is to make digs at people and I don’t like it. He told off our sister (9F) for “acting like a dog” when she was playing, and made our brother (15M) feel insecure by saying that he “smelled like actual garbage.” This was false, by the way.
I get that this doesn’t seem like enough, but something happened a while back and changed the way I see him forever. For some background, everyone in my family is aware that I’ve made a conscious decision to avoid drinking. I don’t want to do it, period.
He came over one evening and I was in bed with a terrible migraine. He came into my room with a cup of something and told me to try it. I asked what it is, and he just told me to try it again. I told him that it smells weird and I don’t want to drink it, but he insisted. I asked if it had booze in it, and he said no. Realizing that he wasn’t going to leave, I finally caved and took a sip.
It was disgusting, by the way. I said as much and he laughed at me, informing me that it actually WAS booze and that he “wanted to see if I could handle it.” I was absolutely disgusted and I ended up crying because I couldn’t believe he would do something like that to me.
Since then, I’ve avoided him every time he has visited. I didn’t tell him happy birthday, I don’t acknowledge him at all. My stepmom said that I can either talk to him about what happened or put it behind me, but I decided not to do either.
I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to have to defend myself over something so obviously messed up.
AITJ for avoiding him when I didn’t give him the chance to reconcile?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely have the right to ignore someone that overstepped one of your boundaries.
Especially if they haven’t so much as apologized (I’m assuming he hasn’t since you didn’t say he had).” ThrowawayMouse12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anyone asks tell them, “he’s not a nice person and I don’t want to be around someone like that.
If he can not purposely do things to make me uncomfortable, then we can talk.” If you can, talk to your father and tell him you won’t be forced to spend time with someone who makes you uncomfortable.” SeniorDay
Another User Comments:
“How old are you?
If you’re a minor like your other siblings, this is an adult who force-fed you booze. Depending on where you live, this would be a crime. No matter the age, it’s a messed up thing to do, though. NTJ. If he wants to be talked to, he can clean up his act and stop being a jerk to all of you guys.
What does your other parent have to say about it?” ChibiSailorMercury
10. AITJ For Abruptly Ending Phone Calls With My MIL Amidst Personal Challenges?
“I often tell people I hit the jackpot with my in-laws because of how close we are and how well we get along.
In fact, I often get along with the in-laws better than my husband does and often end up acting as the mediator/peacekeeper during family conflicts.
For the first time in 10 years of marriage, the conflict is between myself and MIL. I’m confident I’m NTJ in this situation, but my anxiety keeps nagging me to ask here.
It’s been an eventful year for my family. I gave birth to my second child exactly one week ago after months of work and personal challenges: A legal battle with my former business partner, struggling to balance work & family as I started my own business from scratch, a complicated pregnancy that put me in the hospital 6 times before delivery, and making the difficult decision earlier this week to put our 12-year-old dog down after an aggressive cancer was making her heart stop.
Out of the blue last night, I received the following text from MIL:
“I hope you don’t have trouble transitioning to having two children. You have seemed out of sorts lately. When I talk to you on the phone, you seem rude and dismissive. I just chalk it up to your adjustment time.”
(As an aside: Yes, I am having trouble transitioning to having two children. It is really hard.)
The previous day, I was on my way out the door to meet husband at the emergency vet. She was asking questions about what was wrong medically, and I didn’t have answers.
I told her I would call her back when I knew more. I responded to her text apologizing for sounding dismissive and said I was distracted by grief.
She texted back:
“It wasn’t just yesterday. I have been talking to you on the phone and you sometimes get frantic and just say ‘I gotta go’ and then take hours to call me back.
Just feels like I said before, very inconsiderate and dismissive. Oh well, guess it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. But I bet you don’t hang up on your mom and sister. Maybe you do?”
The only reason I take the calls at all during the day is because MIL previously told me how hard I am to get ahold of and said she felt neglected when I don’t answer.
I do end conversations with my mom and sister in the same way. A few days ago I was on the phone with my sister when I said ‘Shoot, I’ll call you back’ and threw my phone aside so I could stop my toddler from pouring a yogurt smoothie into his newborn sister’s mouth.
I’m not sure what she expects me to do… Stand in the middle of the aisle at Target with my pants around my ankles because my toddler pulled them down while asking for my attention? Hold up a finger to motion to the team of doctors that just came into my hospital room to wait while I finish my conversation?
Continue talking about Christmas presents when my husband walks into the bedroom in tears because the dog we just lost was one of the most important things in his life?
Maybe I’m just making excuses for behavior that really is unacceptable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your MIL is needier than you thought. “I am sorry that my actions have made you feel neglected. I want you to know that I love and appreciate your presence in my life, and it is not my intention to neglect you in any way.
Unfortunately, sometimes, I have to literally drop everything to prevent one child from drowning the other in yogurt.” It might also help if you set aside some time each week to just chat with her and catch up, preferably when the kids are sleeping or your husband is watching them.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to be able to go through your day without having to update your MIL on everything. I would tell her that since it offends her when you have to end a call due to important matters, in the future you will only be available for lengthy phone conversations when you can pay full attention to her.
And then stick to that boundary. If you’re out buying groceries, don’t take her call. If you’re wiped out from a tough day of taking care of your children, don’t take her call. If you already talked to her the day before, don’t take her call.
It’s great that you’re close with your husband’s family but it’s completely insane for your MIL to expect to be in touch with you constantly. Update your husband on this, too. If she’s unhappy with the boundary you’re setting, he should have a word with her, too.” fatalisticshrug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ only because of MIL’s passive-aggressive tone. If she actually was concerned about your relationship or the way you talk over the phone she would be understanding when you gave your first response and shouldn’t have pushed it farther.” YeetusDeletus-Feetus
9. AITJ For Resenting My Partner After He Left Me Alone Sick With Our Newborn?
“So my partner and I had our baby two months ago and I’ve been caring for her ever since, co-sleeping with her in one room while my partner sleeps and works in another one.
(This arrangement makes sense for us: he works and plays video games late at night, so it’s easier for me to rest without the screens and the junk food everywhere).
My partner is a talented and creative Game Designer. His career is very important to him, so I take care of the baby and everything around the house while he works.
And I’m fine with that, most of the time. He makes a good living and provides for everything. Also, our baby is cute and makes it all easier.
Anyway. Two days ago I woke up with a high fever and pain in my limbs.
I texted him that I was sick, not making a big deal out of it, thinking he would come to my room and check on me and the baby, but he didn’t. I was hurt and texted him to come. When he did, I couldn’t help but express reproaches.
He was annoyed and said I had to ask what I wanted/needed of him and not expect him to guess. At that point, I said one thing that clearly hurt him deeply: that I felt like a single parent. Which is the truth, I do feel like a single parent.
But he got mad and accused me of being cruel, and not supportive of his career, he reminded me that he paid for everything and why didn’t I work myself (I used to be a teacher before the pregnancy), he said he did a lot for me and the baby whenever he could.
Then he left. For work: 3 days in Paris. I was unable to stand on my feet and felt very frightened and abandoned. Also, terrified at the idea of endangering our infant because of my physical weakness.
I was fine in the end. My partner called my ex-husband, who came and took me to a doctor, made sure I ate and took my meds, he also took care of the baby.
But oh the burning shame. I couldn’t even tell the truth to the doctor and pretended I got sick AFTER my partner’s departure because it was so embarrassing.
My partner has been texting me kind words from Paris and will be returning shortly.
He is a wonderful person, sweet and funny, but I feel cold towards him and resent him for leaving us like that. I know it was for work. I know it was important. But I resent him. I was sick. I could have dropped the baby or forgotten to feed her, or anything.
Am I overreacting, though? I feel confused and tired. I feel like I don’t know anymore what is normal in a couple and what isn’t.
Am I the jerk for resenting my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“You are unequivocally NTJ. Just because your husband pays for everything does not entitle him to strand you with a newborn while you are seriously ill.
If being a SAHM is your job, then you are entitled to take sick days! Maybe he couldn’t cancel his important international business trip at the last minute, but he could have at the very least made arrangements (that did not involve your ex-husband!!) for your care before he left. He also did not need to lash out at you when you expressed the need for help.
Finally, being a SAHM means you are caring for your child during the day while he is at work. It does NOT mean he gets to spend all his free time after work playing video games while you do everything. You deserve a break too, and the fact he is providing financial support doesn’t mean you are expected to be on childcare duty 24/7.
You are obviously NTJ.” FuriousPug
Another User Comments:
“I honestly don’t understand all these partners (mainly men) who think just because they are earning, they can just continue to treat their partners poorly.. not helping you, a new mom with the baby, irrespective of whether or not he’s working you are a SAHM is not good..
All the other, he is very sweet otherwise is irrelevant.. How can he leave his sick wife and infant baby that way? And what does he mean he isn’t a mind reader.. that is common sense .. your partner texted you she is sick, you put your games aside and go to her, see what she needs, take care of the daughter until she feels well, take her to a doctor.
And texting the ex-husband while he is on leave.. wow that’s golden! You need to have a serious talk with your husband, about responsibilities and his contribution. Tell him clearly that chores around the house and work aren’t the same as taking care of the baby.
And if he makes a fuss out of it, guilting you, blaming, etc., take a break and go to a friend’s or family member’s place with your daughter. If he treats you like a house caretaker, then he can hire one.. it won’t matter if you are there or somewhere else NTJ OP..
I hope you are feeling better, and you get the help needed.” Little-Mouse-91
8. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Secretly Taking Inappropriate Pictures Of Me?
“I’ve recently ended a relationship and I’ve been spending time with my friends more often now to distract myself from the breakup. I mean I used to regularly spend time with them before, but I dedicate more time to them now since my time isn’t taken up by my partner anymore.
Well, one of the guy friends in the group has noticeably gotten closer to me and has been insinuating to be more than friends. I’m not sure if I was giving off the wrong vibe, but when we met up at lunch (the others flaked) he told me he had feelings for me.
I turned him down because I’ve never felt that way about him. I thought he took it well, but he still continues to be a bit too close to me for my liking. He likes to hug me a lot and touch my back/shoulders a lot.
It isn’t too bad (or so I didn’t think) so I haven’t said anything about it.
Just the other night we all hung out together as a group and I had asked if he could send me some of the group pictures we had taken when we all went sightseeing the weekend before.
Everyone was a couple of beers in so he just casually gave me his phone and allowed me to pick which pictures from his album to send to myself. So I’m browsing through and trying to find the pictures from the weekend before and I come across some disturbing pictures.
It’s pictures of me, but it looks like I’m not aware of these pictures being taken. Some of them look like I’m going into a store, work, and even to my apartment. I’ve noticed that on the days we hang out he’s been taking pictures without my consent but of close-ups of my body (my butt, legs, chest area, etc).
Now I’m very uncomfortable/shocked and I quickly screenshot/screen record (for proof) and send them to myself. I go over to him when he goes into the kitchen so we have some privacy and confront him. He seems shocked like a deer caught in headlights so I tell him firmly not to do this again.
I proceed to delete the pictures. He gets upset and snatches his phone away and says, “I have no right to be going through his phone without his permission.” This catches the attention of others asking why I’m so upset, but I tell them right there and then what I found.
My “friend” seems mortified and leaves the house immediately, has been unreachable since.
Now I feel bad for outing him like that in front of everyone… maybe I could have handled it differently, given him a chance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Behavior like this is never harmless.
It was appropriate to call him out in front of other people (specifically your friend group). People need to be held accountable for their actions, especially when/where consent is involved. His actions should not be kept quiet.” Equivalent_Wrath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He showed his true gross colors.
Get as far away from him as you can. He has probably been thinking about you this way for a long time but feels free to act on it now you’re single. My family calls this shark scenting b***d in the water, the way men descend on recently the single or widowed.” Adventurous-Coyote78
Another User Comments:
“I was ready to be mad at you for deleting pictures on another person’s phone… But holy cow, NTJ. Please be safe, use any evidence you have, and potentially file a restraining order (or attempt to) if his behavior gets worse. This is downright creepy and stalker-ish.
The fact you said no, but he’s taking hidden pictures of inappropriate areas of you while you’re not paying attention is a HUGE red flag, and the fact he’s willing to violate your boundaries like that makes me worry he’ll escalate.” The-Moocat
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Care To Hear About Her Nephew?
“I’m (F27) a kinder teacher and my job is mostly taking care of and entertaining little kids.
I like kids but I don’t want my own and I’m happy enough to play with them from 10 to 6 and call it a day.
The issue was, last weekend I met my friend, Sharon (F31) and she was talking about her nephew. A lot. I know she loves her nephew like her own and we even call him jokingly “Sharon’s son” and each meeting I see new pictures and stories about the little boy.
Most days I don’t mind, but I work with kids Monday to Friday, and a little boy sharing a cookie with a friend and oh being so kind is really not impressive to me.
Kids are not that impressive. They are funny, quirky and each one of them has unique sides to them but they are just small humans, doing regular things.
During our chat, Sharon said “Wait, I got a funny pic of my nephew on the swing let me find it”, so I just jokingly said, “That’s the 80th picture wow,” which sparked an argument and eventually I said, “I’m sorry but I don’t give a darn about your kid, I’m here to have a drink and have an adult conversation.
I see them on a swing every darn day.”
Which she said “You’re awful I feel bad for the kids you take care of” and our friends tried to dissolve the situation yet the mood was dead, soon after we went on our way.
So, AITJ?
Our friends are divided a bit while they stay out of it. Some think I was too harsh but right to call her out on it and some people think I was the jerk who broke her heart. I heard she is expecting an apology from me and I’m willing to give one if she can also admit her fault.”
Another User Comments:
“… I was ready. I was SO ready to give that YTJ vote. Especially when you said that you care for kids. Then you explained how it was the 80th+ picture, and that the child in question is her nephew (even with parents, that is TOO MUCH!), and that this is something she does ALL THE TIME.
So, that being said, NTJ. I am a single mom, and I have ALWAYS loved my son. I thought he was the best kid in the whole world (still do think I got the gold when I had him, though he was FAR from being perfect and good and could cause and get into his fair share of trouble at times, so I was not blind in that regard).
But the idea of pushing pics and stories on people EVERY TIME we talked? No. “N. O.” NO. Your friend is lucky anyone is still interested in talking to her, if all she has are her stories about her oh, so cute nephew. Were you a bit harsh?
Probably. There was probably a better way to phrase it. But then, I doubt she would have taken it well no matter what you said or how you said it.
This is a long shot, but is she unable to have kids of her own?
It occurs to me that if she can’t, it might explain her extreme attachment to everything her nephew does, why she acts more like a parent showing off their kid, than an aunt showing off a nephew, and why she got so defensive….” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and also; jezus yes finally. I’m a teacher myself and I know exactly how you feel! If your kids are around me I will be great to them if they are great to me, everything cool. But shut up about them, don’t show me pictures, don’t tell me stupid stories.
You think I don’t know darn well that your witty kid is probably a jerk in class and needs to be called to attention all the time? You think I haven’t seen 20 kids’ drawings on any given day? Let me reiterate, if the kids are there I either ignore them or if they’re nice I will be nice too.
I love children but leave me alone. It’s like when you meet a car mechanic and you go; “oh I have this tick in my engine maybe it’s fun for you to look at”. Just go away. (Disclaimer, around actual children I think I am a pretty cool teacher..
don’t get me wrong I will happily converse for half an hour with little Benny about what he thinks gravity is.)” Stupid-Suggestion69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were there to have a drink and adult conversation. Whether or not your friend can accept that is on them.
I’m a direct person. Sometimes people act like young children when I’m direct. It’s not my responsibility to coach them on adulting. It’s not yours either.” lensupthere
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL Involved In My Pregnancy After My Husband's Death?
“Background: I lost my husband to a reckless driver three months ago.
Ironically we were on our way to visit his parents to tell them about my pregnancy when the accident happened. I somehow got away with just a permanent scar on my forehead. He passed away in a hospital eight hours later. We were able to talk to him some hours before he passed away and it was….well it was not pleasant.
My sister-in-law, my late husband’s two best friends, and his cousin have been really helpful through these times. SIL has come to stay with me indefinitely and her husband has been understanding. His best friends both keep dropping by to check on me and so does his cousin.
I never got to announce my pregnancy to anyone. I just couldn’t get myself to. The only people to know are the four above-mentioned people, and they decided it would be best if I announced it myself when I’m ready.
The thing: My MIL has not been her pleasant self around me.
She hates me for being the one who survived instead of her son and I feel it too. She started accusing me of having an affair with his best friend because he came over too much. Then she accused me of hooking up with his cousin.
She even accused me of sleeping with his sister since she’s been at my house so much. We’re both straight women who lost someone close to us and we decided to ban her from visiting me.
Some days ago I finally felt strong enough to announce my pregnancy.
I individually called up all the close family. MIL got really excited and all about the baby and asked me when she could come over to help me through my first pregnancy. I lost it and told her she didn’t need to be involved with me at all and hung up.
This has stirred up many problems in the family. My resolve might be weakening. I don’t want her and her snarky remarks around me during my pregnancy.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand everything you are going through, and I went through it this year myself.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s a very hard mixture of grief and joy that you’re going through and will be going through. You’re NTJ. Your MIL is grieving and going through things that nobody should have to ever go through. It explains her behavior but it doesn’t excuse it.
You need good sources of support right now. If you ever have a need to talk to people who have gone through this, there are many wonderful support groups out there. I can always lend an ear too. Don’t hesitate to find support if you need extra.
It will make all the difference.” dannybee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it may be her grandchild, but with the way she has been acting towards you, I would not allow her to be involved at all. Especially since from what it looks like she has not apologized at all.
I would stay clear from her. She can wait until you feel comfortable enough to let people visit after the baby is there. Or not at all even if her attitude doesn’t change.” Dramatic_Detail_7684
Another User Comments:
“Yeeessshhhhh. NTJ. Grief is a fickle beast. Your MIL has lost a son.
As you have lost your husband. I suggest as a therapist to go limited contact. Let her know at this moment in time you’re grieving and do not want to add any more stress into your life. Mention “I love your son. And I care about you however your accusations have hurt me and right now my first priority is the child your son and I created together.
I am going to do whatever I can right now to limit the stress our child goes through so they can be happy and healthy. That is my first job as a mom.” Ps. Congrats on the pregnancy Pss. May your husband watch over you and your child.
You are so strong and amazing. Do what you have to keep your babe and yourself safe.” TillyCat92
5. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend Move After She "Tested" Our Friendship?
“I’m a 24 yo man and my friend (Jess) is a 22 yo woman. We’ve known each other for about three years since we met in a class. We’ve always been platonic, and to be completely honest I’m not the type of guy to go for it.
Yesterday, Jess was supposed to move. I was going to drive my truck over to her place, help her load up her stuff, and get her out of her apartment. Her situation with her roommates has become highly unstable due to irreconcilable differences so she was in a rush to leave.
The day before yesterday, as a way of thanking me in advance, Jess ordered pizza for the two of us. We were sitting there watching a movie on my couch, being platonic friends as usual, and suddenly she inched closer to me. I figured it was nothing until a minute later she got a little closer.
Then she got a little closer and all I could do was think about how it was finally happening.
She squeezed up really close next to me and looked up at my face. I’m not the most confident guy so all I could say was “hi,” to which she responded “hi.” Then she asked if I wanted to do “something.” I asked what “something” was.
And she said “oh y’know … something.” Still trying to keep room for plausible deniability, again, I laughed and said I don’t know what “something” was. She kept staring at me and nodding, and I thought I’d take my chances. I asked if I could kiss her.
She immediately stood up, walked to the other end of the room, and sat down on the armchair. Then she took out her phone. I immediately apologized to her, and she said that I should just forget it. A few minutes of incredibly awkward silence passed, and then she said “I guess Kim (her best friend) was right.” I asked what Kim was right about, and she explained that for several years, Kim has repeated again and again that I was only trying to get into her pants.
Apparently, Kim put her up to “testing” me.
I felt horrible. Immediately I apologized to Jess again, said that while I found her attractive I’d do nothing to hurt our friendship, and then apologized yet again. Jess accepted it while crying a bit. Then I told her she had nothing to worry about.
After Jess went home, I got to thinking that it was incredibly meanspirited that she would do that to me. I apologized, but that juvenile high school prank just started to strike me the wrong way. I talked to my sister (who I can talk to about anything), who reinforced that it was disgusting behavior.
Then she asked for Jess’s address, which I declined to give her.
The next morning, instead of meeting up with Jess at the promised time, I just didn’t. I had taken the day off work, but I went in anyway because I wanted to get my mind off what happened. Jess was blowing up my phone all day, and then I got a couple of texts from a number I didn’t recognize, which I imagine was Kim.
Finally Jess called me a “flaking creep,” and that was the end.
I’m really mixed on this. I feel kind of bad, but not so bad. Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Couple of things:
- This was a no-win situation if you had turned her down she would have likely been seriously offended and how awkward it would have been….I wonder if you accepted partly because of that?… You asked if you could kiss her which was pretty tame and she was offended.
- If someone is eating chocolate I am not asking if I can have some..if they offer I am saying yes. It is 2020, intimacy doesn’t necessarily carry the same commitment that it did decades ago. You like Jess it is likely that you would be attracted to her even if you didn’t want her to be your partner.
I am old enough to be your mother and even I know that. Saying yes to what is offered doesn’t mean you have spent the last 3 years trying it on.
- 3. You were made to feel guilty and bad for accepting what was thrust at you
- 4. You have been friends with Jess for long enough that she shouldn’t be letting another friend interpret your friendship and decide she should test you. It was disgustingly disrespectful. This reminds me of one of those scenes from American High school movies where the Jock or Queen bee leads on the awkward kid and then laughs at them.
I am sorry this happened to you. I think I would be finding a new friend who is more mature.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That wasn’t a prank, it was a test, and it was a horrible thing to do! Doubling down and calling you a creep instead of apologizing made it so much worse.
I think you actually handled yourself with a lot of dignity, apologizing for any offense caused and refusing to give her address to your sister. Just hold on to that dignity and don’t go to Jess looking for reconciliation. She’ll realize before long that she’s lost a good friend, and either apologize or spend the rest of her life being a jerk.” WebbieVanderquack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a lousy stunt to pull on anyone but especially a friend. It’s a “Lose, Lose” situation for you. She hit on you and you responded positively: she got upset. If she had hit on you and you responded “No”: she still would have been upset.
Apparently, she doesn’t value your relationship as much as you do. You have every right to pull back and reassess your friendship. Including wondering if she’s just using you for what you do for her and how much you spend on her: such as helping her move.” halfwaygonetoo
4. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Limit Her Portions At My Grandmother's Dinner?
“I (26M) have been seeing a woman we will call Ashley (26F) for about 3 months.
Ashley grew up financially well off and relatively privileged and it has been a point of friction in our relationship with her not understanding/grasping the level of poverty I and my family grew up with. It is also relevant to this story that Ashley is a heavier person and is a very vocal advocate for body positivity and will very assertively stand up to anyone fat-shaming herself or others.
The other person who is relevant to this story is my grandma (70). My grandmother is a wonderful woman but she is both very proud and very broke. She likes to have us over for dinner and is an excellent cook but financially she can’t really afford it.
She refuses to take any money from me or anyone else and won’t let anyone bring food saying it’s her responsibility to take care of the family. She also takes offense if you turn down the invitation. About a month ago we had dinner with her and Ashley liked the food so much she went back for second and third large portions.
This is not done in my family, we all take a single small portion, as the leftovers are what my grandmother has to eat for the week so Ashley taking more meant my grandmother didn’t eat for the next couple of days.
After the dinner, I explained this to Ashley and she was shocked. I tried to bring my grandmother food but she refused the “charity” out of pride.
My grandmother has invited us to dinner again this weekend. Before we went I tried to have a discussion with Ashley re-iterating my grandmother’s financial situation and asking that she try to only take a single smaller portion so my grandmother can have food for the week.
I said we could go eat again after the meal if she was still hungry. Ashley got very angry at this and said “she will NOT be shamed for her eating, she will NOT limit her food and that NO ONE other than her decides when she’s had ‘enough’ food.” She also said I was fat-shaming her.
This whole ordeal has highlighted a lot of incompatibility issues and I don’t know if the relationship is going to last but just want some other opinions on whether I’m the jerk. AITJ for asking my partner to limit her eating?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh I was ready with a judgment after the first paragraph but… NTJ.
She could eat before or after. You are not shaming her. She just doesn’t care about grandma. That’s not a great quality.” puffalump212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m tempted to go ESH (except for grandma) because I think you did make a mistake. Clearly, your partner is being a huge jerk.
You asking her not to eat that much at dinner has nothing to do with her or her weight, but rather your grandmother’s finances. You even offered to get her more food afterward. Her reaction is selfish and she appears to be playing the victim.
That said, you made a pretty big mistake by not explaining to Ashley before the first dinner that she should not take more than one small serving due to your grandmother’s finances. It’s a pretty unusual situation, and she should have known going into that dinner what was expected of her.
The only reason I’m going with NTJ, and not ESH, is because her reaction to your conversation before the second dinner demonstrates that talking to her before the first dinner would not have changed her behavior. So I think you get off on a technicality here because your mistake did not result in any actual harm.
Just a suggestion unrelated to this judgment: have you tried inviting your grandmother over for dinner at your place, purposefully cooking way too much food and giving everyone leftovers? If everyone takes leftovers, she might not feel like she is getting “charity.”” If-By-Whisky
3. AITJ For Forcing My Introverted Daughter To Attend A School Dance Instead Of A Gaming Tournament?
“I (F44) have 3 girls who I’ll call, May (21), Jessica (19), and Diana (16), of course I’m biased but all three of them are genuinely beautiful and charming however Diana isn’t as social as her 2 big sisters, it’s the classical teenage sitcoms differences.
May and Jessica were social butterflies in high school, they had lots of friends and were very well known. Diana on the other hand, has had the same 5-person group of friends since middle school and spends most of their time playing video games, particularly “League of Legends” and “Smash Bros”, sometimes they stream, in general they are more on the geek side, like I said a very cliché difference.
Diana has had bad luck and thanks to the events of 2020, she hasn’t had the full high school experience her sisters had but she doesn’t seem as affected as one would think. On one hand, it makes sense, despite the worst part of last year she pretty much played with her friends online quite often so I’m guessing she didn’t feel as isolated as her sisters during these times but still it concerns me a little, teenage years are a lot about being social and adventurous and even without this global situation she chooses to stay indoors.
Anyway, the problem is that Diana’s high school is planning a Halloween dance this month since last year it was canceled, I imagine she’d be excited for her first dance, but she just isn’t and yesterday she told us that the day of the dance Friday 29th, she and her friends plan to participate in a local League of Legends tournament, this made me angry.
She literally has all the time in the world for video games but a limited amount of high school events and she’s just ditching them for irrelevant video game tournaments. I usually try to be supportive of her hobbies, but this crossed the line and I told her she couldn’t go to the tournament and if she didn’t go to the dance, then she won’t go out that day nor play video games for the weekend, and argument started, she said she just preferred other activities, but I stand firm in my punishment if she at least doesn’t give it a chance.
Like I said, my girl is as beautiful as her sisters. I’m sure she wouldn’t have a difficult time making friends, she doesn’t have anything to be insecure about.
When May and Jessica had this dance, they started prepping in September, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that.
I would drive them around and help them in any way possible to prepare. I wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter.
After the argument, my husband told me I was being a jerk and that if she didn’t want to go that was on her, but what if she regrets not going when she’s older?
She can always play video games, but time won’t stop and she won’t be in high school much longer, still my husband is rarely this upfront, so I wanted to know. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ “my daughter isn’t performing the stereotype of femininity so I am punishing her” fixed it for you… apologize to your daughter and offer to help her out with attending the LoL tournament.
Your daughter is awesome, I hope her team wins.” AeronwenTrewent
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – did it ever cross your mind that May and Jessica’s excitement and dance/costume prep is the same feeling Diana gets when she prepares to be social and participate in a tournament with her friends?
She’s still being social, she’s still participating in events. She has close friends and will retain them (likely) for a long time. Leave her be and stop trying to make her like yourself/her sisters.” MarsWater5
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said so yourself, sending her to the dance is a punishment.
A punishment for… Having a close group of friends and doing what she loves? You’re a HUGE jerk and I feel sorry for Diana for having a pushy mother like you.” Rainbow_riding_hood
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Future Holidays With My MIL Who Opted Out Of Family Gatherings?
“MIL has three children and 7 grandkids. I know how much she loves her children, but to be honest she isn’t a very good grandmother. She doesn’t spend much time with the kids, doesn’t seem too interested, and honestly it is jarring to me because my family is the total opposite.
Also note that she is in her mid-fifties, so not elderly, and very active and has a better social life than me, so I just don’t want you picturing some crotchety old woman.
A couple of years ago MIL sat her kids down and said she loves them, but she can’t handle holidays anymore.
She can’t deal with having that many kids around, her nerves are shot, she dreads it. Also note that she was hosting Christmas, but I was doing Thanksgiving and SIL was doing Easter, so we weren’t putting all of the work on her. I’m not invalidating her choice, but the whole thing seemed so weird to me.
Now she does Thanksgiving with her friends, Christmas with just her husband, usually on vacation, and I don’t know about Easter. My husband is very close to her and that’s fine. He often has lunch with her during the work week, they talk a lot on the phone, and he has monthly family dinners which I don’t go to, and which last until 1 a.m. I’m fine with all of that.
We do holidays with my family and they love having the kids around. Recently we were talking about our kids, how fast they are growing up, what we’ll miss, but also stuff we are excited about getting back to. He mentioned that he was looking forward to having holidays with his mom again at some point.
I was surprised, but he said at some point our kids will be off, probably married, and holidays might be less hectic and he would like to spend some with MIL.
I said that she forfeited that when she opted out of all family holidays, and of course he should see her if he wants to, but I feel that she lost her holiday privileges.
We ended up getting into an argument and I said he was being selfish and making me feel like our kids are an inconvenience. He accused me of just never liking his mom. I said his mom is whatever, but he better not think I’m ever spending holidays with her again, so he is not putting his mom before his wife.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… what the heck is a “holiday privilege”? If your husband wants to do holidays with her in the future when the kids are all moved out, that’s up to him. You can’t stop him from spending time with his mother who raised him just because you’re not a fan of her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Someone who is getting on in years was honest that she couldn’t cope with that many kids around at one time. But now you’re demonizing her for it. He wants to spend future holidays with his mom who is getting older and won’t be around forever.
He’s right you don’t like his mom and you just say that. If in the future you are still married you don’t have to go to his mom’s but he is within rights to go. Grow up.” Horrornerd3000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You wrote the woman off because she didn’t like being around a lot of kids?
Some people just don’t like that kind of chaos. I certainly don’t. I hated my family’s big get-togethers when I was a kid (I come from a very very big family). Now that I have my own, I refuse to go to them – it’s just me, my partner, and my kids.” guppytub
1. AITJ For Going Low Contact With My Brother After He Didn't Let Me Bring My Partner To His Wedding?
“I (25M) am bisexual and have been seeing my partner “Louis” for two years. While my parents and siblings are supportive, my extended family on my dad’s side can be very homophobic (think conservative Christian background) so I have not officially come out to them yet and have no plans to in the near future.
I however have some coupley pictures with my partner on social media, so some of the most tech-savvy relatives might already know, although they have never brought it up.
Last year, my older brother “John” (28M) got married to his partner “Sarah”. They invited everyone in our extended family to the wedding.
When I got the invite, I asked John if I could bring Louis as a +1. However, John refused, saying that he supported my relationship 100% but the wedding was supposed to be Sarah’s big day and he did not want her to potentially have to deal with family drama around my s*******y.
I clarified that I DID NOT intend to come out at the wedding – I wanted the spotlight to be on the newlyweds – and that, if asked, I would simply introduce Louis as my roommate (in my area sometimes single guests are allowed to bring friends/family members as plus ones).
I also told John I would be extra careful to not act coupley or disclose information about the nature of our relationship to anyone but that Louis is an important part of my life and I wanted him there.
John still said no, citing concerns that our relatives might still somehow find out and make a big deal about it.
He was also afraid that some of them might have seen my social media already and would take advantage of the wedding to confront me in person since we don’t see them often (for reference I have not seen them since making those posts). He said he did not take the decision lightly – he was literally on the verge of tears when he said this – but that unfortunately his decision was final and I was welcome to bring anyone else as my +1.
He also personally apologized to Louis.
I attended the wedding without a plus one and, since then, I have gone LC with John. I wish to keep things civil for the sake of my family but I’m not really interested in anything more than that.
Things escalated when I brought my partner home to meet my parents and did not invite him. He found out from my mom and called me crying and said that while he still thought he was right, he wanted to repair our relationship. I said I was really hurt because it’s not like I was planning to steal the spotlight, and that if he prioritized the risk that a homophobic relative might have blown up at his wedding over supporting my relationship then I had no interest in maintaining a relationship with him.
My mom and dad are not taking sides but my sister says I am the jerk and I should just move on. Louis is also conflicted on this one. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really sorry, this sucks. But if your brother didn’t want a homophobic outburst at his wedding, he could have chosen not to invite the homophobes.
It’s your decision what kind of relationship to have with your brother going forward, but ultimately when it came down to it, he didn’t stand up for you and you are absolutely justified in going low contact if you feel it’s the right thing for you.” Kaia455
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your brother didn’t support your relationship but then, that’s a big ask considering that neither do you. You aren’t willing to come out to those relatives because you don’t want to deal with their reactions, but you are willing to risk that same reaction happening at your brother’s wedding.” jacquilynne
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
- You had only been with your partner for a short while. I’m not paying $100 a plate for a bunch of randos at my wedding either.
- Some of your relatives may or may not know because you post with him on social media.
The moment you show up with your “roommate” someone’s going to connect the dots and out you to the extended family and you know that. Functionally you are asking to come out at his wedding, that seems just as mean-spirited as announcing an engagement.
- You agree that your brother couldn’t not invite the extended family.
I don’t know your culture or anything but if he has to invite these homophobes how are you not essentially asking him to take a gamble on you being outed sparking a family fight?
- You haven’t really come out to family making it pretty much impossible for your brother to even know who to weed out.
Plenty of “allies” flip the script when the lgbtq person is in their family. I’m sure there are some obvious problem people but unless someone else in the family is out you just don’t know if quiet cousin Janet is prone to confronting family over being LGBT.
I don’t think it’s fair to demand that your brother gamble his wedding when you aren’t willing to be openly bi.” Craftyhobby
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