People Unravel Their Controversial "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Enforcing School Pickup Rules On A Rude Parent?
“I volunteer at my child’s school. It’s a small school, the parents are pretty involved. I’m there a couple of hours a day, 2-3 times a week.
I help prepare class projects, PTO stuff, take pictures, work on the yearbook, all the random little things to help the teachers out.
Occasionally, I will cover the front desk and part of my duties include checking out children who go home early. I cannot possibly know every child and their parents.
We have a procedure, I check the adult’s identification, and then check it against the child’s file to make sure the adult is authorized to pick the child up. We do not want to release a child to a creepy neighbor, estranged parent.. etc.
One afternoon, a man comes to get his daughter.
I respectfully ask him for his ID. He throws a toddler-sized temper tantrum because he doesn’t want to show me and is so incredibly rude. Lots of curse words directed to me from him. I kept my composure but stood my ground. I was not rude at all, I was patient, but I will not release a child to an adult that has a problem showing me his ID.
He was being petty, by holding his ID in a way that makes it difficult for me to read his name. He wouldn’t fill out the school log sheet, it’s literally one line asking for date, time, name, and signature. I insisted that he sign the log after I filled it out for him.
Instead of placing it back on the counter like a decent person, he just drops it to the floor. Anyways, I’m flabbergasted at how rude this man is to me, I’ve never met him or had any interaction with him before. I get his daughter and they leave.
A couple of weeks have passed, and I’m helping out with afternoon carline. The parents are supposed to have their sign-up to make it easy for teachers to match kids with cars. This man is first in car line every day, no sign. And he has this aggressive dog with him.
I could just ignore him as I know whose parent he is. Instead, I knock on his car window to ask for his sign. He pretends he doesn’t see me and ignores me. I knock again, and his aggressive dog starts barking and scratching up the dash on his car.
So I stand there for 2 minutes or so, waiting for him to roll down his window so I can ask him who he is picking up. And every time I knock on the window, his dog goes nuts. He stares at me and shoos me away. This is secretly hilarious to me.
I’ve done this three days in a row now. AITJ for acting like I don’t know who he is, and making his dog go nuts on purpose?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those rules are there to make sure the kids are safe, and as much as we all feel they are overbearing at times I would rather my kids didn’t end up in someone else’s car because the line minders ‘think’ they recognize a parent.
Guy wants to act like an idiot, he has to deal with the consequences.” GoatEatingTroll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have a school resource officer – a police officer assigned to your school, or who is the designated liaison for your school?
It would be fun to see if someone could casually mention the problem dad to the police officer, and if the officer could hang out at the pickup line some afternoon.
When the dad won’t put up a sign, the officer can make him leave the line.” grandma_visitation
21. AITJ For Inviting My Parents To Visit After Our Baby Is Born Without Consulting My Wife?
“My wife (23) and I (27) are expecting.
She’s due this month and things have been a bit intense recently with her being extra hormonal.
We live in a different state than my family. My wife and I couldn’t visit for Christmas. My parents were calling to continue complaining about us not spending Christmas with them and demanded I make it up to them.
I said I was open for any suggestions they had and they suggested they come stay with us for a week once the baby is born. That way they could spend time with us and the baby as well. I thought why not, that seemed to be a pretty good suggestion since it’s been months since we’ve seen each other so I told them to go ahead and made the invitation official.
This morning my wife was talking about her plans once the baby is here and that’s when I remembered my conversation with my parents. I immediately told her that I agreed to let them over for a week once the baby is born to make up for the holiday we missed with them.
She first looked shocked then freaked out at me saying I shouldn’t have invited them just like that without talking to her first. I asked why not since she loves them and loves being around them but she explained that my family can be a lot of work and having them as guests while caretaking for a newborn is the last thing she wanted. I told her it was no big deal besides that we could use help if she thought about it this way but she lashed out on me about how the first few days of the baby’s life is essential time for bonding and being intimate and I just took that away from her by inviting my parents and invading her space.
I argued that she was being melodramatic right then because my family are decent people and I’m pretty sure they’ll make this experience a lot more warmer but she still disagreed and said if my family were decent then they wouldn’t have accepted my invitation but I clarified to her that I did NOT invite them and this was in fact a suggestion made by them and I just agreed AFTER they complained about me missing spending the holidays with them.
She went off on me demanding I call them and cancel everything I planned with them but I thought that was unacceptable since she gave not a good enough reason for me to do that and besides my parents can help but she still denied that being true.
She’s gone radio silent for the rest of the day and is acting like my family is somehow making her uncomfortable though they’re not the judgemental or intrusive type and are just about spending time with each other.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So instead of having the week after giving birth to begin healing, bonding, time with her little family of three you have made it so your wife has to host and put up with having guests? Do you have any idea how much pain she’s going to be in?
Not to mention the two of you learning to be parents.
Plus well done on showing to your wife that at her most vulnerable you will not be putting her first.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“She just gave you a good reason — SHE JUST GAVE BIRTH! She’s tired! How inconsiderate of you, poor woman.
Please do her a solid and cancel your plans. Your whole family visiting a week after she just gave birth will be an unnecessary burden on her, just tell them that your wife will be busy getting rest and nursing the child that will, by the way, be crying and waking everyone up all night.
Also, who do you expect to do the cleaning and other tasks? Unless you’re prepared to be a solo host and let your wife do her thing, cancel it. YTJ man.” theoriginaltrinity
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
When your wife who is about to give birth to your child tells you that she wants alone time with the baby, THAT’S A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO CANCEL ON YOUR PARENTS.
She needs no other reason than it makes her uncomfortable. How dare you tell her that her comfort isn’t a priority when she’s GIVING BIRTH TO YOUR CHILD!!!
OP apologize to her and reschedule with your parents. And if they give you flack, you tell them it’s on you for not planning better.
Don’t pit them against the soon-to-be mother of your child.
After giving birth, you’re exhausted physically and emotionally, and the LAST thing you want as your body heals is guests who will want literally anything from you.
You’re supposed to be the wind beneath her wings, not the spit in her face.” notbonusmom
20. AITJ For Not Offering My Home To My Cousin For His Surgery Recovery?
“I have a cousin who is going to have gastric bypass surgery. The doctor my cousin is going to lives far away from him, several states away in fact. This doctor is in the same city that I live in. The college I went to was in this city and when I graduated I stayed here because I was offered a good job and had friends here.
My parents and my brother and the rest of my maternal and paternal relatives all live back where I used to live and where my cousin lives.
I got a phone call from my father last week. He said everyone was very disappointed I didn’t offer to let my cousin and aunt live with me while he was in this city for the surgery because I have two extra bedrooms and live alone.
He said at first he and my aunt hinted I should but I didn’t pick up on it. In my first year of college one of the friends I met asked me if I was ever tested for Autism. I was not but I did get tested after that and I found out I am Autistic although I have a mild form.
I do go to a therapist now and it helps and explains so much about me. I know I am bad at picking up hints so I didn’t know my cousin and my aunt were hinting. My cousin asked me once and I just said no. I honestly didn’t realize it was rude not to offer.
When my cousin asked me I said no because when he leaves to come for the surgery the door on my aunt’s house needs construction to be made wider. This would need to be done at my house too.
I honestly didn’t know it was something I should have offered. My father said the rent they are paying will be expensive and he was embarrassed I didn’t offer.
I am bad at unwritten rules so I don’t know if I was rude or if my father is just being like he always is where he doesn’t understand me. If someone could tell me the truth please and thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a huge deal to let 2 other people live with you, even if you technically have space.
Also, I wouldn’t assume they’d pay rent – if they wanted to pay, they’d rent something in the city. But if they stayed with you, the family, they would most likely not give you money.” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to let someone move in with you just because it’s convenient for them, especially if it brings a lot of inconvenience for you.
Aside from that, if social cues are not easy for you, (I have 2 kids on the spectrum, so I totally get that) then your family should know that hinting or passive-aggressively trying to get you to know what they want is ridiculous.” krczm
19. AITJ For Standing Up To My Husband's Grandmother's Outdated Gender Roles?
“My (24F) husband’s (31M) parents and his grandmother (79F) came to visit us and they are going to stay at our house until Christmas and honestly his grandmother is getting on my nerves.
Recently, my husband and I returned to work from home (we both work in the same company) so we are at home all the time and I’m already tired of her. She criticizes everything me and my MIL (56F) do (the “loving” granny is my FIL’s mom) but praises every stupid thing my husband does.
The other day he was helping our oldest daughter (6F) with her homework, like every good dad would do because it’s his responsibility, and she was like, oh, you’re an amazing dad I’m so proud. She said that when the day before I was cooking, taking care of our baby, and helping our daughter with homework because my husband was in the hospital with his parents because his mom had an accident in the kitchen, she didn’t say anything, but well I took a deep breath and let it go.
But she spent the whole week praising my husband for doing his job as a dad but the worst happened last night when he was giving our baby a bath while I was watching a movie in the living room with my in-laws and with her. Well, after the bath he put our daughter to sleep and joined us and he lay down on the couch and joked that he was really tired, and she was like ‘”if your wife weren’t so lazy maybe you wouldn’t be so tired”.
And he’s not very good at hiding his emotions when something annoys him, so he told her that I’m not lazy at all and that he’s just doing his job, that’s what dads do and that he liked that job.
But she didn’t get the message and said that this is not his job, that his job was to provide for his family and that what he does with our kids is incredible and that for her he’s the best dad.
I laughed and said “what about me? Didn’t you see everything I did yesterday?” and she had the nerve to tell me ” but that’s your job, you’re their mom” and I told her that it’s also my husband’s job, and that I think it’s ridiculous that she praised him even when he does stupid things, and I also told her that in our house we don’t approve of thoughts of the last century.
And she was offended because she thought I was kicking her out, and today she has refused to talk to me and my FIL wanted me to apologize or else they will have to leave because he would not tolerate me disrespecting his mother, and I told him that I will not apologize because this is my house and here things work differently than they did thirty years ago.
My husband backed me up and told him that there was nothing to apologize for, and that if that bothered them the door was open. So his dad apologized for what he said and now we are on good terms but his grandmother is still offended, and I’m not going to apologize, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh no, you’re definitely not on good terms, with either FIL or MIL or GM. He’ll just keep backing them up so his own life isn’t heck, and it will keep happening until your husband makes him apologize again. Over and over. They need to all go home now.
It’s too bad they didn’t just leave in a huff, now you’re going to have to come up with something else so they aren’t there until Christmas… lol
To disrespect you in your own home shows a serious lack of judgment and respect – why would you expose your kids to that?
It’s time for people to understand “respect at any age.” NO ONE gets to disrespect anyone in their home, and they can leave if they don’t like it. Imagine thinking it’s acceptable to show children that their parents don’t need to be respected, especially in their own home.
NTJ, and I hope the in-laws leave soon.” SweatyFig3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If it had been a simple case of her praising him for doing basic dad stuff, that would be one thing. Not exactly fair, but it would be understandable as she’s from some bygone era where all menfolk were expected to do was earn money and provide breakfast meats or whatever.
But she wasn’t just praising him, she was tearing you down to do it. Both you and your husband rightly called her out for it. She’s a guest in your home, and she also comes from a time where guests are expected to behave themselves without trash-talking their host.” PrettyFly4AYaoGuai
Boot them.
18. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Return To Work Amid Financial Struggles?
“My wife and I are both in our early 30s and prior to the world deciding it needed to shake things up, we were working and earning well.
The conversation of kids came up, and she said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and we worked out the financials of it all, and it was fine.
I was up for a promotion that came with a decent increase in salary so we would still be fairly comfortable. Even without the raise we would be able to make it work.
We got pregnant and everything was fine, I had plenty of time with our kid, and my wife took to being a SAHM well.
Then the global situation hit, the company I work for took a big hit and scaled back the workforce a great deal. I was offered either redundancy or a lower position and job security.
The wife and I agreed it was better to have a stable job during these tumultuous times, and when things got back to normal I could look into a spot similar to my old position.
Well, the industry hasn’t really recovered and looks like it won’t be recovering any time soon (if at all).
We are struggling financially and I personally have had to take on more work just to keep our heads above water.
Now on to the problem.
Where I work offers free daycare in-building which would allow me to spend more time with my kid, and let my wife return to work.
Her industry is now actively recruiting and it would double our income while allowing myself to not constantly work overtime.
When I broached this subject she didn’t take it well. She does not want to return to work and feels I am backpedaling on our agreement that she could be a SAHM with our kid.
I tried explaining that things change and we can’t afford not to have two incomes right now but if it changes again in the future then we can return to the ways of old.
This wasn’t enough for her and now she hasn’t spoken to me in a week.
I know I am a jerk for having to change the house dynamic, but it’s necessary.
Should I just******* up and keep going as is to keep a happy household?
I should add a bit of info, before we had a kid my wife was a little apprehensive due to her upbringing. In my mind I think the only reason she concluded to have a child was that she could be a sahm.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your wife needs to grow up and act like an adult. It is incredibly selfish of her to act like this for not only you but your child. It is not like you are changing your agreement just because you feel like it. It’s because you need to/have to.
The fact that she would rather force you to work continual overtime (resulting in your child barely seeing you and you inevitably getting burned out) is appalling. It’s not fair to you and it’s sure as heck not fair to your child.
I recommend creating a budget if you haven’t already and showing her where things need to cut back.
Maybe it even means getting rid of her vehicle, if applicable. Maybe seeing how it is going to affect her directly since she clearly doesn’t care about you, she’ll be more motivated to work.
I truly feel bad for you. I hope your wife pulls her crap together and does what’s right.
Best of luck!” straightaspasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ refuse to do the extra overtime. The agreement was based on one full-time job so roughly forty hour work week or whatever hours you did and the rest was your time with your baby and free time. You didn’t agree to overtime, or doing extra work to keep things going.
First, take your son to daycare a couple of days a week so you can spend time with him. You are his father too and want to experience fatherhood like she is doing. Second, say you will not do overtime and it’s up to both of you to split work and child care until you can get one job that will pay enough down the road.” Careless_Mango
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as a woman and SAHM I hate to give this advice but I think you should have full control of the money if she doesn’t want to go back to work knowing you can’t afford it. She shouldn’t have credit cards, access to money in the bank, and she should have to ask for an allowance, and no extra spending since she can’t grasp the concept that your financial situation changed. She’s being seriously selfish and is not being understanding which is a huge red flag for me.
I’d have trust issues when it comes to money with her. She’ll get tired of this and will run to work or you might need to take a step back because she isn’t showing she cares and loves you she’s only thinking of herself which is another red flag for me.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Until My Roommate Does His Share Of Cleaning The Dishes?
“So about 5 months ago I (29F) got a new place with two of my friends, let’s call them Todd (33M) and Jess (32F). The three of us split rent and utilities equally.
We all have a similar cleanliness level and a general rule of clean up after yourself. Everyone does their own laundry, keeps their bedrooms tidy, and the common spaces like the living room and kitchen get cleaned regularly by all of us. It’s a pretty decent situation that keeps everyone happy.
Now Todd is very vocal about hating cooking all around. He likes to eat but can’t stand the act of actually making food. So Jess and I made a deal with him, we will cook dinner if he does the dinner dishes. He agreed and loves that he can come home from work, crack a cold one, and put his feet up.
The issues in question occurred a few days ago. I made dinner for everyone, we ate dinner and watched TV together, the night came to a close and everyone went to bed. The next morning Todd left for work, Jess left for work, and I got up to start my job (I work from home) only to realize the dishes had never been done.
I figured he was just tired and didn’t have the energy to do them, no biggie. So I put all the dishes nicely into the sink and wiped down the counters while I was waiting for coffee to brew.
The day proceeds like normal, everyone gets home from work. Jess and I discuss what we will cook for dinner and realize that we need some of the dishes from the previous night.
We ask Todd if he will wash them and he grumbles saying how he’s had a long day and doesn’t want to be on his feet any longer. I press him and say I’ve worked a full day and so had Jess but we are making dinner so he should do his part and wash the dishes for us.
It turned into a big argument about how his work is harder than ours because he works outside on his feet all day while Jess gets to be in AC and I get to be home all day so I’m practically not working.
Everyone is still mad and I have refused to cook dinner for everyone if Todd doesn’t do the dishes anymore.
So AITJ for disrupting the balance of the house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You all made an agreement, Todd didn’t hold up his end so neither should you. Simple as that.
I get that sometimes you’re just too tired to do stuff, but that is no excuse for Todd to be behaving that way.
It seems like he’s just trying to get out of some of his share of work.” trjr102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pretty clear deal, and it’s not dishes for the sake of dishes, it’s stuff you needed to cook him a meal. If he doesn’t want to do the dishes, he doesn’t get the meal. Simples.
I get being tired after a day’s physical work. That’s cool. If he wasn’t expecting someone else to do stuff for him, it would be entirely up to him whether he does the dishes/has a cooked meal or not, given his tiredness. But if you want someone to do their part of the work, you gotta do yours.
Cooking is longer on your feet than doing a few dishes, which he’d have to do if he made dinner himself, so he’d be coming out ahead if he just stuck to the established deal that he agreed to.
And as physical as anyone’s job might be, dishes from one dinner for three people is about ten minutes work.
He can manage that, he just wanted to slack off.” elsehwere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Why you’re breaking the agreement is irrelevant. It could be because the sky is blue. It’s that irrelevant. You’re a roommate and the agreement was you do the dishes while we cook dinner. If you don’t wish to be part of that agreement, that’s fine.
We’ll cook and wash dishes as an agreement between us alone. No one can force you to be part of the agreement and I respect your decision not to do an exchange of services with your roommates”.
“Do you want to exchange services with us? Cooking for cleaning? That’s the only question being asked. It’s a yes or no question.
Have any debate about it with yourself because that’s not my business. Only whether you’re going to clean in exchange for us cooking”.
It’s genuinely baffling why he thinks he’s entitled to the products of your hard work in exchange for nothing. His reasons are genuinely irrelevant to your situation – you guys aren’t his sister wives and he isn’t providing for you financially in exchange for you guys cooking for him.
His decision on where to work is his business. Why he thinks that’s relevant to his agreement with you guys is bizarre.” mangonlime
16. AITJ For Moving Abroad And Seeing A Man My Friend Disapproves Of?
“So I (25F) have been friends with Lani (25F) for about 5 years now and after we left college we went down two totally separate routes. She decided to move in with her partner of 2 years and she’s told me on multiple occasions she wants to marry them. I’ve always been totally behind whatever she’s wanted to do as long as she’s happy.
I decided after leaving college I wanted a few years alone to just focus on myself and my career. During college I told Lani I had plans to move abroad for my career and that for me a relationship wasn’t a huge priority. She kept making comments like, “Oh please it is, you’ll just get sucked up into it and leave me when you do.”
Her comments got a lot worse when I got a position in Switzerland, she kept saying how Switzerland was overrated and the country we’re from is better (we’re British and I disagree a lot). They died down a bit once I settled into my job and it became obvious how much I loved living there.
A couple of months after I moved, I met Alex (27M and not his name) through mutual friends and after a few months of being best friends, we confessed we had feelings for each other. We’ve been together for about 6 months now and since then I’ve always made sure I’ve made time for my friends back home by facetiming them once a month and texting them every day.
Lani for some reason didn’t like Alex. For background info, I’ve normally gone for “jock” types but Alex is basically what you’d expect a young scientist to stereotypically be/look like (huge glasses, has his nose in a book 90% of the time, etc). I think he’s perfect and he shocks me a little bit every day at just how amazing and kind he is.
Lani however, when she saw a picture of him said that he was ugly. I was shocked and told her his personality mattered much more to me and she basically said “Well it probably won’t last anyway, he’ll pick his career over you”.
I flew back home last week to see my friends and we all had a garden party for me.
Before I left, Alex had suggested moving in together with two of our other friends and I said yes. When my friends at the party found this out, they all congratulated me and said they were happy for me, etc. Lani however, just sulked in a corner and then flat-out refused to talk to me.
I asked her what was wrong and she said loudly, “You should just dump him and come home. You’ve basically abandoned me and it was lousy of you to do that.”
I finally lost my temper and basically said, “You stopped being a supportive friend a long time ago, I’m not your nanny and you’re a fully grown woman.
Go make some other friends and stop being so entitled over who’s allowed to move on with their life.”
I’m normally very chill and I rarely lose my temper but she burst into tears and stormed off. Our friends have sided with me and I’ve messaged asking her to talk but she’s just replied saying I’m a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go live your life, hun. The best life you can. She’s got unresolved issues but you don’t have to put up with them.
She’s treated you like crap. If one of my friends had the audacity to tell me my SO was ugly and should be dumped, I’d no longer be friends with them.
It’s not just disrespectful to the partner, but also to you.” Etoiaster
Another User Comments:
“I feel strongly that you’re NTJ. Lots of built-up reactions to what she’s been saying to you came all out at once. That can happen when you are a chill person, it doesn’t mean you don’t have those emotions and sometimes it means that you store them up and then let them lose all at once without being in control of how, so watch for that.
I’m not gonna say your friend is the jerk either, she’s wrong for what she said and has been saying, but honestly your story just comes off as a sad story of 2 friends moving apart and 1 of them not taking it well. You sound like you’ve really got your life together and have had a strong direction to go in for a while now.
Perhaps she’s just jealous and displaying it the way a lot of people unfortunately do.” nonsensical-response
15. AITJ For Discussing Period Etiquette With My Young Daughter?
“I (50M) have 3 children, 2 daughters (18 and 12) and a son (15).
Over the summer my youngest got her first period. I always try to make sure that we’re well stocked so I showed her where she could find the necessary supplies as well as the bottle of ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet.
Not knowing whether or not her mom had “the talk” with her, I asked if she had any questions or if she needed anything. She told me that she’d rather talk to her sister, if that was okay. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable I said it was fine but told her if she ever needed anything to not be afraid to ask me.
Thursday night it was just my youngest 2 and me as my older daughter was at work. I hit the bathroom and noticed a couple of drops of b***d on the toilet seat and the floor. No big deal, I wiped it up and went about my business.
Maybe I was wrong to assume, but I figure that my daughter is still getting the hang of things and if my son was bleeding he’d come and tell me.
So when I went to say goodnight I asked my daughter if she was on her period. I immediately could tell she was embarrassed when she asked why. I told her I wasn’t trying to embarrass her but there was a little b***d on the seat and that it’s no big deal but it’s a good habit to make sure that the toilet is clean before you leave the bathroom (I meant this in general for anything you do in the bathroom).
She said ok, we said goodnight, and that was that.
Again I don’t care. The only reason I brought it up is because she spends every weekend at her friend’s house and I feel like it’s just good etiquette. You never know how someone is going to take it and figured it was better coming from me.
My older daughter though told me this morning that my younger daughter was crying a little bit and was completely humiliated.
I feel horrible. I didn’t mean any harm, I was just trying to help. She hasn’t talked to me much today and I can tell she’s avoiding me. I don’t know if I should apologize or let it go.
I don’t know how to make this right.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Talking from experience: she was probably just a little overwhelmed and embarrassed. It takes a while to get used to having a period, and you mentioned that she wanted to talk to her sister about these things (totally reasonable, talking to other women is not as embarrassing), so maybe a mix of everything led her to that reaction.
As much as I dislike the stereotype that women are more emotional during periods, this is probably it. First periods, first accidents.
It’s nothing I’d worry about” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You aren’t the jerk for bringing it to her attention. As a woman I would have done the same thing.
Just like I would bring it to my son’s or daughter’s attention if I found drops of urine on the toilet seat or bathroom floor. It’s unhygienic to have any b****y fluids on the toilet seat or bathroom floor. I understand she was embarrassed but you are right she would be more embarrassed if she did it at someone else’s home and they brought it to her attention.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter After She Expressed Discomfort With My Ex's New Partner?
“So my ex-wife (divorced six years ago) has a partner she’s been with for around three months now and our daughter (14) doesn’t like the guy.
He’s a substance abuser who claims to be clean but I do see warning signs he’s still using despite my ex insisting he doesn’t. I’ve been relatively cool with things and let my daughter go on a couple of weekend trips with her mom and the partner and both times she comes back complaining about the guy.
We originally worked out that daughter and mother would spend Sundays together and my ex promised it would be the two of them only as long as our daughter still hadn’t adjusted to the new partner.
So last weekend my ex tells our daughter the partner will be coming along that Sunday and every Sunday going forward because he’s her new companion and our daughter has to deal with it.
Daughter wasn’t cool with this and neither was I. I tried explaining to my ex that our daughter just isn’t comfortable with the guy but my ex went off on me saying I was to blame and I was feeding our daughter lies and nonsense which isn’t the case. Ex then left us and just spent the day with her partner.
Then yesterday was Mother’s Day in our region and my former in-laws (whom I have a great relationship with) invited me, my ex, and our daughter to dinner and told my ex the partner was not invited. She wasn’t happy but went with it. Unfortunately, the restaurant was overbooked and the four of us (in-laws, my daughter, and myself because ex was working and was going to meet us) decided to head to another restaurant across town.
I call my ex and explain the situation and she just exploded. Phone got passed around and she screamed at everyone for ruining HER day by not inviting her partner and changing plans and a bunch of other stuff. She decided she wasn’t going to show up after all and went home.
Our daughter later wrote her basically saying she no longer wants her in her life if she can’t even be considerate towards her feelings about the situation. She said she’s willing to spend some days with the two of them but she also wants one on one time as well.
Ex wrote back basically saying too bad and I finally jumped in saying our daughter is right and that is that.
So AITJ here or did I do the right thing? Or should I have been a better mediator? Genuinely curious.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Backing your daughter is the right thing to do here.
That kid belongs to you and the ex. The partner is an afterthought and should be when raising the kid. If your daughter doesn’t feel comfortable around someone, she shouldn’t be forced into interaction.” TSSki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish people had dads like you who cared more about their child like this.
Your daughter felt safe enough to tell you how she felt and you were there to support her. You two have an amazing relationship, and you did the right thing. Her safety and feelings come first. Your ex needs to realize she needs to be a mother first before a lover.
Every parent needs to be a parent before a lover. Keep protecting, loving, and supporting your daughter.” Alternis64
13. AITJ For Reacting Badly To A Prank Cake Due To My PTSD?
“It was my (21M) birthday yesterday and my parents (43F) (50M) used to make me a cake every year until I moved out. Well, due to health concerns, I’m home right now so they decided to make me a cake like they used to. Apparently, my mom had seen a Tiktok of a family hiding a balloon inside a cake and then when the person cut it, it would pop.
Funny stuff to some people I guess.
Important info about me is that I have PTSD because of some stuff relating to a gun and because of that I react strongly to loud, sudden noises. I don’t think my mom took that into account when she decided to do this with the cake.
My grandparents are staying with us too due to the same reason I’m home and we were all at the table and my mom gave me the knife and told me to “do the honors”. Yeah the cake looked kind of weird but I don’t have TikTok so I thought it was just a new shape she was trying out.
Well. The balloon popped and my dad took a picture and the combination of the sound and the flash from the camera sent me into a panicked response and I screamed. I think everyone was just surprised at first but here’s where I might be the jerk.
After the shock went away I yelled at my mom and told her that this wasn’t funny and that she knows how I react to these kinds of things.
She got upset and said that it was just a ‘TikTok trend’ and that she just wanted to ‘see me laugh’. I didn’t think it was funny and to add onto it my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that there’s no reason to take it so ‘seriously’.
My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk.
My family knows about my PTSD. I’ve been going to therapy for it for a couple of years and I always sleep with my door open in case I have flashbacks or night terrors.
So they should know how I’d feel about something like this. Yeah it’s just a balloon but for me it triggered my fight or flight response and I was terrified.
AITJ for blowing up over a birthday cake?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were stupid, and when called out they blamed you instead of apologizing.
It’s 1 thing to do something dumb to be funny, but if it goes wrong and scares someone you just apologize, sincerely. They owe you an apology, and it should be a real one.” stephanielmayes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m so sorry they put you through that so unapologetically. How ignorant to want a laugh at your expense and somehow not comprehend that loud startling noises are like a gunshot.
That’s all I think when I hear one pop and I don’t have PTSD from a gun trauma. How horribly inconsiderate and selfish of them. I’m sorry your parents are so utterly narcissistic that they’d play victim about YOU ruining the mood. What happened was a response to an action they created. They ruined the mood.
Not you.
I really wish you a happy birthday. Maybe the gift you get this year is learning their true colors. No refunds or returns on that one though. Lol. Make sure you keep taking care of you and making yourself top priority. You deserve it.” Hot_Drummer7311
12. AITJ For Not Offering To Share My Hotel Room With The Bride?
“Last year my (35F) friend (35F) asked me to be a bridesmaid. We met in college and have been close for about 10 years.
Throughout the wedding planning, I’ve been helping her with different tasks when she asks or I’ll offer help when I can. I’ve been responsive and attentive whenever she posts something in the bridesmaids’ group chat.
In May, she mentioned that she would like to hang out with all the bridesmaids on the night before the wedding, and maybe we could all stay at an Airbnb. Then she added that the other bridesmaids would be bringing their SOs.
This made me uncomfortable because it’s a lot of people, I knew all the couples would want their own room and I would get the couch or something.
So I explained to her that I’ll be getting a hotel room instead but I’ll still help her look into it.
By the end of May, I sent the group chat links to Airbnbs, and my hotel room was booked. (One note about the hotel room, my sister booked it and we would be sharing it.
She planned on sightseeing while I was doing bridesmaids’ stuff.)
This Saturday the bride sent a message asking about everyone’s accommodations. I replied but none of the other bridesmaids replied. She sent a more aggressive text on Sunday, saying that she felt like she didn’t have bridesmaids, no support this whole time, everyone is ignoring her, etc. Her main complaint was that it’s 2 months before her wedding and no one had offered to share a room with her.
(The bride already knew my room situation)
The text sounded a bit unhinged so I texted her separately to check in on her. She said we’ll talk later. Up until this point, I didn’t think there would be any reason for her to be upset with me and was trying to be supportive.
When she replied later, it was the same as the group chat text only this time it was directed at me specifically. While still trying to be understanding of whatever stress she has, I expressed that I was hurt by her words, and defended myself by reminding her that I never ignored her.
The last message from her ripped into me and how I didn’t include her in my room plans from the beginning, or ask my sister to let her stay with us.
So AITJ for not offering my hotel room to the bride?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can’t read minds.
If she wanted to stay with you, she should have asked. I cannot stand the whole “you should have known to ask me,” concept. It’s self-absorbed and monotonous. You didn’t do anything wrong OP. Some people just like to have something to be mad about.” AlvinsH0ttJuiceB0x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It isn’t your fault that the bride had grand plans for a sleepover/party the night before her wedding and none of the other bridesmaids planned anything. You certainly don’t owe it to the bride to include her in your hotel room that you booked because you (probably correctly) assumed you would get the short end of the stick with Airbnb accommodations.
It may be a good idea to step out of being a bridesmaid at all. This bride isn’t treating you very nicely. Certainly, if you are going to be out a lot more time and money for her wedding, then reconsider.” teresajs
11. AITJ For Attending My Brother's Housewarming Party While My Wife Was Sick?
“My brother and SIL threw a housewarming party a couple of days ago. It’s been planned for a few weeks and my wife and I were planning on attending. Since they live about an hour away from us, we had asked my MIL to watch our 2-year-old son so that we could enjoy the party and crash at my brother’s place.
Well, Saturday morning comes along and my wife wakes up with a nasty head cold. No fever or cough, just a lot of nasal pressure and sneezing. She’s not sure she wants to go to the party anymore. I feel fine and make sure to check the temperatures of me and our son and we are both ok.
MIL is already at our place and tells me she’s looking forward to spending time with her grandson and has a lot of activities planned.
I ask my wife if she wants to take some meds and still attend the party, and she says she’d rather just stay in bed. I ask her if I can get her anything and she says no. So, I start to get myself ready to go.
By the time I’m ready, my wife is asleep again so I tell MIL that I am leaving. I make sure that she has everything she needs for our son and she pretty much tells me to go have fun and she’s got this.
So I get to my brother’s place and start enjoying myself.
A few hours after I arrive my wife starts texting me asking me when I’m coming home. I tell her that I’ve already had a few drinks and was planning on staying over like we had planned on before. She told me that I should stop drinking and become clear-headed so that I can come home that night since she isn’t feeling well.
I ended up calling her rather than texting and asked her why she felt I needed to come home. She said she feels bad about MIL watching our son while she’s sick and that I should come home to help her out. I told her that I wouldn’t even feel comfortable driving for at least 2 hours, then the hour drive home, and by the time I get back our son would be getting ready for bed anyway.
She just says “Whatever, have fun.” and hangs up. So, that’s what I do. I enjoy myself the rest of the night and crash at my brother’s place. I get up in the morning, grab a coffee and hit the road and I’m home around 9 am. My wife is still asleep so I leave her be.
MIL and son are just finishing breakfast and MIL wants to hang out for a bit, so we go for a walk.
When we get back, my wife is finally out of bed and she’s still upset at me. She tells me I was a jerk for leaving without talking to her and a jerk for not stopping drinking and coming home.
I told her it wasn’t my fault she got sick and couldn’t go. I told her it seems like she’s using me as a target for frustration because she couldn’t go.
My wife kept making comments about me not coming home the night before so I asked her what her problem is.
She said I should have stayed home completely after finding out she was sick and she’s upset I prioritized having fun over taking care of our family. Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was fine to go to the party as originally planned, but you didn’t have to stay there and get wrecked knowing your wife was sick at home.
I am recalling some common saying about “in sickness and in health”….” aasparaguus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s just unfortunate you couldn’t have talked through plans again before you left (I understand she was sleeping). I think she has a right to be a bit upset about the situation (feeling crappy and you not being home to support her.
I know I get more irrational/emotional when I’m sick), but I don’t think it’s fair for her to be full on mad at you, especially if you didn’t discuss things ahead of time.” Ok-Grab-9101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a grown-up, your child was cared for by a grandparent who was happy for the chance to spend time with the kiddo.
What, exactly, were you supposed to do if you had agreed to come home? Watch her sleep? She didn’t need nursing, she needed rest and to not be responsible for childcare. I hope her mother was willing to make tea and comforting “there, there” noises.
I would kinda be on her side if you were just out bar-hopping because a buddy had called that day but you were with your brother and his wife at a gathering that was pretty significant to them and for which arrangements were made well in advance.” rapt2right
10. AITJ For Accepting Drinks From Strangers In A Gay Club And Upsetting Them When They Found Out I Was Gay?
“So, my partner (23F) and I (27F) went for a night out last weekend in Liverpool. We were in a gay club dancing. She dances pretty intensely so we often make friends as we dance with other people. These two Irish guys ended up in our dancing circle. We danced for a while, then I went to the bar to get a drink.
As I was ordering one of the guys appeared next to me and asked what I was getting. I said “I’m on MD so I’m not planning to get intoxicated, I’m just getting a water.” The guy then insisted on paying for a drink (by talking over me to the bartender).
We went back to the dance floor.
Later, I went back to the bar to get my partner a drink. The guy followed me again and insisted on paying for it and getting me one too. I said you really don’t need to we’re fine. He said he wanted to as he was having fun.
So we went back to the dance floor.
Later his friend came up with a load of jagers for everyone. I said I was fine thanks but he just shoved it in my hand so I didn’t want to be rude.
I noticed my partner was a bit more intoxicated (it’s my responsibility to make sure she stays at a nice level).
So, I went to get her water from the bar. I was also tipsy (and combining MD and drinks isn’t the best) so I was getting myself a water too. The jager guy then appeared and asked if I wanted a drink. I said no, I’m not looking to get intoxicated. I’m happy.
(I like to stay coherent on a night out, much safer). He was trying to get my partner a drink, but I explained to him that I was trying to make sure she sobers up a little as she wants to carry on having a nice night and not be sick.
He pushed in front and tried to pay for the waters (which were free) and couldn’t understand the bar guy explaining that.
I gave the water to my partner and told her not to accept drinks as it was getting weird. She agreed and said she didn’t want any more drinks.
They then kept going to the bar and bringing us drinks and I kept saying, it’s very nice of you but we’re fine thank you.
We were dancing and I gave my partner a kiss. The jagerbomb guy came up to me and started yelling at me and saying I’d broken his friend’s heart because he didn’t know I was gay.
I was so confused because we were in a gay club? He said I was horrible for accepting drinks and using him. I explained that I did refuse them until they were shoved in my face.
My partner and I carried on dancing and one of the shot girls came over and asked if we wanted jagers.
We declined. But jagerbomb guy bought about 20. He tried to give us some and I said we didn’t want any thank you. He kept coming back and trying to make my partner drink them. She was getting really frustrated because he was so intoxicated he would come back every 5 seconds and push them onto her, spilling half of them all over her.
We ended up leaving because he would not stop.
Were we wrong for not leaving initially when the guys were insisting on giving us drinks? We just wanted to dance, make friends and have fun? Does accepting a drink enter you into a contract?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they were clearly being creepy when they just kept going at it when you said you were fine and didn’t want a drink.
Also, what a jerk for getting annoyed when you were in a gay relationship whilst also visiting a gay club. Accepting a drink is not leading anyone on, people buy drinks for friends (and friends they’ve just made) all the time in gay clubs. It’s a shame you had to leave your safe space because of these guys!” Pepesilvia303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by any means. gay clubs are supposed to be safe spaces for the LGBT community. I’m assuming this guy was straight and was harassing you in what was supposed to be a fun and safe space for you and your partner.
He sounds like an absolute creep.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Calling Out That My Sister's Christmas Party Is Actually A No-Groom Wedding?
“I have known since forever that my (27F) big sister (36F) has always dreamt of her wedding ceremony. She loves big parties in general but weddings? Weddings are her obsession. The flowers, the cake, the dress, the venue, all the preparation. This woman has served as the unofficial wedding planner of all her friend group (12 in total).
Sadly, my sister has not found a guy she wants to spend her life with, and while it seems being single is not a problem for her, I think the fact that she is the only one of her friends without a wedding broke her spirit. Why? You might ask.
Because of the “Christmas Wonder Jubilee, A Magical Winter Ceremony” (Not the real title, but believe me, it’s just as cheesy).
Yeah, she decided to suddenly host a huge party “in honor of Christmas and all the good fortune I had in the year”. And guys, just let me show you some of the things she is having at this party.
- A “winter committee”, formed by her best friends and family (yeah, I am there). We will wear matching dresses and we are helping with all the logistics.
- A private mass, in a fully decorated church, she expects all the attendants to come before the actual party. Because we obviously have to thank God.
She has already talked to the priest so that she has a special speech during it. The bridesmaids, up, sorry, the winter committee will be seated in front of the entire congregation, in places of honor.
- A venue, which coincidentally is one of the most famous wedding venues in my town, fully equipped to receive 120 guests, including her friends, our extended family (people we haven’t talked to in years), her coworkers, and her boss.
- A first dance, she and a professional dancer will have the first dance of the party, which is the most convoluted waltz I have ever seen in my life.
- Speeches, by myself, our parents, and some others. All dedicated to the good fortune in our family and “you know, you can also talk about me if you want, as the hostess obviously.”
You see! She is going nuts! And while I have stopped myself from saying anything because I know this means a lot to her, the drop that spilled the glass appeared yesterday. Her dress…
IT’S A WEDDING DRESS! There is no way of pretending it’s anything else. A full-length white gown full of embroidery.
I could not remain silent anymore. I told her that if she appeared with that in the church, all the guests (including her BOSS) will see that this is just a weird no-groom wedding and will think that she has gone insane.
Obviously, this ended in a huge fight between us and, until new order, I am banned from the wedding, I mean, the jubilee.
Everyone, from her friends to my parents, is saying I am the jerk for confronting her but c’mon, I can’t be the only one that sees this as crazy!”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, she’s having one of those “marrying yourself” things. I think they started about a decade ago, possibly in Japan or South Korea?
It’s just a big party, and it sounds like it might be fun. What you need to ask yourself is, are you going to crap on your sister and her special party, or are you going to support her and have fun? That’s all you really need to decide, there doesn’t need to be “confrontations” or shaming or criticizing or anything else to make her feel badly.
YTJ. Stop making it about you and your opinions and support your sister.” SweatyFig3000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think you’re the jerk for thinking she has gone insane (tbh this post filled me with sadness) but your sis is also not the jerk for being a bit… Mind-broken.
But honestly, if the party is definitely happening, the only thing you can do at this point is to support her, because she clearly needs support from family and friends.” ellanaught
Another User Comments:
“If your sister can’t give you a figurative slap to bring you back to reality – no one can.
I had to speak up to my friend that was bent on naming her kid something that was not great when said together with her last name. I approached it as “I’m going to say this one time to make sure you’ve thought about this and if you assure me you have and you are good I’m with you all the way.”
So there might’ve been a less confrontational way to say it but as a sister – man you have to say something.
Borderline NTJ.” Bazodee286
8. AITJ For Keeping My Curtains Open Despite Neighbors' Complaints?
“I (30+f) work from home. I also obviously live at home. I never have my curtains/blinds closed unless it’s too sunny out/too hot. During summer & winter alike. It helps with the feeling of claustrophobia as well as just getting some natural light. Just an overall improvement. Lived at current almost 6 years.
Neighbors lived in theirs the last 5. My bed is really high off the ground – bed frame, box spring and mattress. Almost at window sill height. This is important.
My windows – south facing, my neighbor’s (across the alley) windows & patio (important)- north. My work desk is right up against a window (placed this way because the floor is slanted and the other wall has a closet preventing it from going on the only other non-slanted floors) so I can see outside any time of day.
My bed is on the opposite side of the windows in my bedroom, my TV right across from my bed blocking half of one of the large wall-spanning windows. I wear PJs to bed, change in the bathroom in the morning so no one sees me without clothes.
The issue: Recently my neighbors approached me when I was outside taking out the trash and informed me they were uncomfortable with being able to see into my windows and the fact that I can always see into theirs (I don’t, frankly I could give a crap about what my neighbors are doing, I’m either watching TV, working, or sleeping, or not home).
I just told them not to worry because I’m not looking anyways.
Then went on about my life and thought little more of it. A few weeks passed and then my neighbors caught me outside again while I was walking home and they were washing their car…This time they were much more abrasive essentially telling me I needed to close my blinds from now on because they’re tired of being uncomfortable with my windows always open.
I again told them I don’t pay attention to them and they’re the ones constantly checking in. They can close their own blinds. They then said they’ve stopped using their patio because they can see me working and they KNOW I’m taking glances at them. I just laughed at them at that point and told them they’re nowhere near interesting enough for me to waste my time looking at them (petty I know but I didn’t appreciate their attitude).
This was a few days ago. I told some friends and naturally some are on my side and others are telling me I’m creepy and I just need to close my blinds “like a normal person”. Now I’m second-guessing myself and am looking to you, I DON’T think I’m the jerk here but maybe I’m biased towards myself and my own needs, so – AITJ?
Edit to note: We’re not in the same building. I live in a corner unit of my building (very lucky, no neighbors above or below me in my building) on the second floor. Directly across from me is another older apartment building with giant evergreen trees for privacy, like think 50-75 feet tall, they’re not the issue.
The neighbors with the issue are beside that building to the left. So they have to look diagonally across the alley to look into my apartment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors are ridiculously paranoid. If they have such a problem with your blinds open, why don’t they close theirs?
The current situation is only bothering them, so they should be the ones to come up with a solution.” Girly_Attitude
Another User Comments:
“I actually understand your neighbors feeling uncomfortable when on the patio and sort of not having enough privacy (cause I’m that person too), but it would never come to my mind to ask my neighbors to close their blinds.
This is really weird.
I solved that problem by placing an outdoor screen on my balcony because my across-neighbor’s balcony was really close. Maybe suggest that to them? NTJ.” HereFishyFishy4444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I too want all the windows open during the day. I don’t work from home, but I do like to do crafts on the weekend and other days off, so I have a desk close to the large bedroom window that faces the street.
I personally am not comfortable having the blinds open at night in the bedroom or anywhere else. Once it gets dark out, lights and TV are on in the house and everybody can see inside a lot easier than during the daytime. I agree it sounds like a “them” problem and they just need to close their curtains.
If they don’t have a fence in the backyard, they need to get one and if it’s too short they need to make it taller or put in some shrubs or trees. Best of luck.” Booklovinmom55
7. AITJ For Accepting My Father-in-law's Basketball Challenge And Winning 11-0?
“My wife’s Dad is one of those “Back In My Day” kind of guys, and has shown me his high school and adult rec league (seriously) athletic trophies on multiple occasions.
I mean, he’s insanely proud of his athletic accomplishments although the most recent one happened 20 years ago.
Well, this past weekend, a few of us were sitting around talking about sports and he proceeds to tell us that he could’ve been a professional basketball player or…swimmer. Two very different sports, but whatever.
After we all laughed at him, for some reason, he decided to direct his ire at me and tell me that he’d have kicked my behind if we were in our athletic primes at the same time, and that he might very well beat me today. Usually, I’d brush this off but he made it a point to go at at me in front of family and friends for zero reason.
Also, he’s previously introduced me to others as his daughter’s “meager unathletic husband,” and on a separate occasion, he told a men’s group at church that he didn’t want me on his side in a team event because I’m allegedly not a “great communicator” and team sports is all about “communicators” in his words.
It’s all super weird and unprovoked.
Well, I was a decent player in my day and still play occasionally, and always figured that I could beat him pretty handily (I’m 24 years younger than him). And on this particular day, I’d had a few beverages in me and was feeling a bit frisky.
So I readily accepted his challenge to play a game at the elementary school around the corner, to shut this thing down once and for all.
AITJ for beating his behind 11-0 in front of his mom, wife, kids, and grandkids?? I knew after a few points I had him but he’s taunted me for years.
I then finished his beer when I got back to the house lol.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is 24 years older. Of course he is not in his best form anymore. And if you had let him make points, that would have been extremely disrespectful. You won fairly. No hard feelings needed. But share a beer next time, and tell him it was fun playing or something like that.
Don’t rub it in. Who knows whether you will play that well in 20 years?” TacticalGodMode
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for beating him. But YTJ for finishing his beer. That’s just weird.” Ogreguy
6. AITJ For Wanting To Dress Casually At My In-Laws' Formal Christmas Gathering?
“I have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband’s family. MIL claims she likes me but I don’t think she does. She also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them.
As a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner.
I don’t really like doing holidays at MIL’s house because it is so formal. Everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup are perfect. MIL pretty much lives for this stuff.
Despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and MIL mostly ignores us anyway.
This year is our year to spend Christmas with the in-laws and I have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. It just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family.
I broached the topic to MIL and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. That annoyed me, so I talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. One SIL said I was ruining Christmas. One kind of agreed but said it wasn’t worth the fight with her mom.
MIL called me recently and demanded to know why I was talking behind her back to her guests. I explained I was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (I’ve heard MIL make comments about how she has to look perfect because so and so is coming).
MIL said it was tacky of me to ask around and I need to stop trying to change their family and I’m so rude and entitled for thinking I get to make changes when I just married in. This ticked me off and I said she can wear whatever, but I will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes.
MIL actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers.
My husband says if I do it I will embarrass him, though I’m seriously thinking of doing it and MIL is still upset that I talked to her guests “behind her back.””
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s not uncommon for families to make a bit of an effort appearance-wise for Christmas dinner.
Also I don’t know why you’re surprised your MIL thinks you went behind her back when that’s exactly what you did.” gherbi2356
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems as though you are looking for drama with your MIL.
You state she doesn’t like you, but actually you just don’t think she does.
Don’t want to take her word about the love she has for her grandchildren. Is that true or do you just have an expectation of how you want her to act with them that is not being met?
The fact that you talked about her to others, one of which straight-up told you that you’re ruining Christmas and the other not wanting drama, makes you come across as bratty/whiny.
She is putting the effort into a nice party for everyone – and everyone seems into the opportunity to have a chance to dress up and celebrate.
But you do you, wear the sweats.
Make your point.
Ruin the relationship.
And the party with your drama.
Embarrass your husband.
It’ll be so worth it.
Merry Christmas.” Electronic_Trick_13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t understand why everyone thinks YTJ but it’s clear that the MIL has some kind of underlying issue with you that she refuses to communicate about. Especially if she says she wants to be a part of your family but does everything in her power to ignore you.
I understand that at her house she wants “everything to be perfect” but be realistic? Holidays are about spending time with family and reconnecting, not about having a fashion contest. Also you aren’t a jerk for “going behind her back” you were just trying to get a consensus on how other family members felt about an unnecessary dress code.
Personally, I would try to have a sit-down conversation with the MIL over lunch before X-Mas and try to be an adult. If that road doesn’t work then she can go screw herself. Also again I don’t think you’re lazy, I think you just want the Holidays to be more relaxed and practical. One last thing, I get that other comments are saying you’re “starting drama” but to me, the MIL is acting like a child, it’s kind of sad that they don’t want to “change anything” because of old tired traditions.” yungdemocracy
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Pursuing A Woman Who's Rejected Him For 10 Years?
“My (29M) friend Danny (32M) has hung around our friend Gwen (30F) for almost 10 years. Sadly for him, Gwen always turns him down when he makes a move. Danny does see other girls when Gwen is in a relationship or is seeing a guy, but the moment she is free he immediately goes back to her.
I’ve talked to Gwen before and asked her what she thinks about Danny since he obviously carries a torch for her, and she told me that she is not attracted to him physically nor does she like his ‘sad boi’ personality. Gwen even told me that her dad likes Danny for her because he is kind and financially stable, but Gwen told her dad that even though she knows she will have a comfortable life with Danny, she just doesn’t have any feelings for him.
Gwen recently ended things with her ex and as usual Danny is energized and thinks this is his chance. He has been messaging her a lot and asked me for help with calligraphy to make a card to go with the flowers he wants to send her. I told him to slow down because it’s just been a month since the breakup and we know Gwen took it hard (she is in therapy) so maybe this is not the best time to try to woo her.
Danny was insistent and thinks that if he’s there for Gwen at her lowest, she will realize that he is the one who has never left her side. I told Danny “But Dude, you haven’t left her side for 10 years. If she was going to have feelings for you don’t you think it would have happened already?” I told him that honestly I think he should really find someone who likes him for who he is, instead of waiting for Gwen who has made it clear that she doesn’t want anything romantic with him by turning him down multiple times in 10 years, and who is currently not emotionally available anyway.
Danny got angry and said that he thought I would be more supportive, and that as his friend I should be building him up instead of tearing him down. He hasn’t spoken to me since then. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The lady has said no, and no repeatedly. Your friend needed the reality check and needs to back off.
In my opinion, carrying a torch for someone in this manner isn’t romantic, it’s borderline obsessive.” W4rd3n21
Another User Comments:
“When I was younger, I had a male friend who liked me. I knew he liked me but had made it clear I was not interested in him, multiple times.
And then one day, a mutual friend came up to me and told me I needed to stay away from him. At first I thought she was just being a protective jerk, but then she was like, “No, girl. He’s obsessed with you. Stay away from him.” She was younger than me so I thought she was being silly.
I later found out that he had drawings he’d made of me and pictures of our messages printed out and hung around his room.
Be that girl for your friend, dude. I know you’re a man. But it’s time to be. that. girl.
NTJ for now. If you don’t impress upon your friend the seriousness of the situation, that’ll change.” welliwasemily
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for thinking Danny is the hurt party here – ‘sadly for Danny’? I don’t get how anything is sad for him here – he’s been harassing this girl again and again and again after she’s already said no to him repeatedly. He’s only friends with her in the hopes that he gets to sleep with her.
That’s horrible, and the rest of the group should be calling him out on that, or cutting him out until he learns to be respectful.
10 freaking years this went on and you didn’t say anything, and now you want pats on the back for finally showing some decency?” AP7497
4. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Let My Wife Host Holidays Instead Of Her?
“I’ve been married for six years and my wife and my mom have never really gotten along. I don’t think my mom is an awful mother-in-law, they just don’t vibe and they avoid each other if they can.
I would describe the relationship as frosty. My mom does respect our boundaries and doesn’t undermine us as parents, she just keeps a pretty big distance and doesn’t interact much.
My mom hosts all holidays at her house, as does my mother-in-law. My wife and I rotate which family we celebrate with, and my mom is cool with that and has never pressured us to go to her house.
Recently my wife has expressed that she wants a turn to host, and she feels like since we have kids (4 and 2) that the mothers should hand it over to her. She talked to her mom who was very sad, but agreed to let my wife have one holiday.
I talked to my mom since we both do the communication with our own family, and my mom said no. I gave her my wife’s reasons 1) we have young kids 2) we have our own house now and our own little family and it’s exciting for my wife 3) my mom got 20 plus years of hosting.
My mom said no again. She said if we don’t want to come over we don’t have to, but she will not be coming to our house. She said we can invite my side of the family but she honestly thinks that would be an unkind thing to do. I asked if she really was willing to give up her holiday with her grandkids and she said yes.
I did get frustrated and called her selfish. The conversation ended with my mom yelling at me that I’m a hypocrite and she feels like I expect her to care about my wife more than she is obligated to.
I asked around and none of my relatives are willing to come, but my sister did yell at me and said I’m a bad son and I’m disrespectful for thinking our mom should give up something she cares about.
I work for my stepdad’s company and he is currently not talking to me, and I guess my whole extended family is talking bad about me and they are offended that I thought they would come to my house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is being childish and trying to weaponize your relationship to keep parental control over you.
Set up those boundaries! You have your own family life and it doesn’t sound like she is willing to share in it currently. Common mom nonsense, but you may be surprised how well boundaries and putting your foot down can work.” FisiPiove
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You and your wife want to start your own traditions with/because of your young kids?
Cool, no problem.
You want to host the big family shindig despite it being such a big deal to your mom? Kinda getting into a grey area here.
Mom says no and specifically (and correctly) states that it would be a jerk move to try and poach her guests. Then you do it anyway?
Now you’re being a jerk.
Then you call your mom selfish which she correctly calls out as hypocritical. Her pointing out that you are being a hypocrite is not equal to you projecting your selfishness onto her. So there is no both sides to this.
I think most of the replies saying not the jerk stopped reading before the end because you went from not going to your mom’s (which would have been fine) to actively trying to sabotage your mom’s holiday.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Every family is different, but I’ve never heard of the tradition that once the younger generation has kids, they take over the holidays. My mother didn’t take over any holidays until my grandmother was too elderly to do it any longer, by which point she was already a great-grandmother.
A quick poll of the folks in my office just now has turned up exactly zero people that do it that way, everyone around my age (30s) goes to one or another set of parents regardless of whether they have children.
Anyway, you are welcome to make your own traditions and celebrate how you like, but I do not think your mother is under any obligation to give up hosting to make your wife happy.
You weren’t wrong to ask, but you were wrong to get angry at her refusal. Frankly, I do not understand why you think it is selfish for your mother to want to keep doing it, but not selfish for your wife to want to take it over. Prioritizing your wife doesn’t have to mean losing all objectivity.” hibernativenaptosis
3. AITJ For Dressing My Baby Daughter In Neutral Colors Instead Of Pink And Purple?
“I (f34) have a baby daughter who is 7m old. As a person I love to dress in basics. Black, white gray, navy brown. Jeans/slacks and t-shirt. My dresses are always one color (often black) and just simple slip-ins, body-con, etc. I like to dress my daughter in the same “style” and therefore 90% of the time I find what I’m looking for in the boy’s departments.
There’s no hidden agenda behind this. No ulterior motives. No malice and I’m not trying to make any statement. I just think I have the right to decide what I want my daughter to wear until she’s old enough to decide for herself. My husband loves my daughter’s clothes.
My mother-in-law does not like this. She wants to see my baby in fluffy pink and purple dresses. While I don’t think it’s wrong it’s just NOT my style.
One day a couple of months ago she came by with a big bag of H&M full of girls’ clothes in all the pink, purple, and red shades.
Dresses, skirts, coats leggings shiny shoes ages 6-12m. I didn’t know what to say so I thanked her. When my husband came home I showed him he laughed and said I didn’t have to use them, but we decided on dressing our baby in the clothes my mother-in-law got us whenever we visited. It went all fine.
Before Christmas, I accidentally ran into my mother-in-law at a department store and I could see that her whole demeanor changed when she saw my baby in her usual jeans, black sweatshirt, and Adidas. She didn’t say much and left without even a goodbye. She also commented on one of my sister’s posts about why my daughter was wearing these horrible boy clothes.
On Christmas, we went over to my mother-in-law’s house (we celebrate with his and my family on alternate years). I had found the cutest black onesie with a Rudolf motif that I thought was perfect for the occasion. When we got there, my mother-in-law went berserk on me. She told me that I’m an elitist who’s mistreating my daughter to make a point.
That I’m confusing her by not letting her look like the rest of the girls her age and that I should wait for my daughter to be older and decide her identity herself instead of me trying to push my own agenda on her at this tender age. I was livid by this speech and told her she had no right to tell me how to dress or raise my daughter.
That I thought the clothes we got from her were ugly and that I had donated them. I told her that she was sick and that SHE was the one with an agenda here and to stop pushing it on my daughter, or she will never see her again. By this stage everyone knew Christmas was ruined so we went home.
I took out all the clothes my mother-in-law bought my daughter and put them in a bag to donate later. My husband said I was the jerk. I told him she was the one who started the argument. He said nonetheless, I could’ve ended it. But I don’t know how I could’ve ended it.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would have been better if you could keep your cool but your MIL attacked you personally over… The color of clothing. On a baby. Who has no idea what they’re wearing. She is being profoundly ridiculous.” TipTopC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for the record my daughter was my second kid so she wore plenty of her brother’s hand-me-downs until she was big enough to choose.
And now she’s 6 years old and full glam queen, sparkles, crowns, all the Jojo Siwa stuff, etc. She even loves makeup, at age 6!
I’d be more concerned that if MIL is going to impart these ideas about clothes on her she’ll also share some harmful ideas about gender roles and possibly body image.
I wouldn’t let her spend time with my kid unsupervised.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She’s crazy for sure. But you escalated and also lied about having donated the clothes. You should try to meet your MIL for a coffee and clear the air. Don’t let something as silly as clothes be a big deal and ruin your or your daughter’s relationship with her grandmother.
Tell her it’s fine you have different clothing styles. The child doesn’t have a clue what she’s wearing or what the “other girls her age” are wearing (what a crazy comment from MIL). Assert your rights as her mother to dictate her wardrobe until she can, but see if you can find it in your heart to keep some of the frilly pinks to wear for times with your MIL.
She’s absolutely in the wrong here, but you can make your lives more peaceful by not getting heated over this.” TresWhat
2. AITJ For Cancelling Streaming Services And Telling My Stay-at-Home Wife To Get A Job?
“I (32m) have been married to my wife (33f) for close to five years. We have two children (3m, 1.5f).
When we got married we both had jobs.
However, maybe about a year after we were married my wife tearfully confessed to me that she was miserable at her job and wanted to quit. She told me that her boss was treating her like garbage and that she woke up every morning wanting to vomit. She legitimately seemed dejected and so I told her to quit and to find another job where she would be treated better.
She quit. I expected her to go out and start looking for something else but she didn’t seem too eager. Whenever I gently brought it up she responded “I’m just trying to figure out my next move. Stop pressuring me.” Not long after she got pregnant with our son, and then while he was still very young she got pregnant with our daughter.
A few months after she was born I asked my wife what her plans were job-wise she finally just said “I don’t want to go back to work. You make enough for us to get by. Just let me be a wife and mother.” I told her that I was concerned that I don’t actually make enough to give our family as good of a life as I’d like but she insisted that we can make it work.
I have to admit; she’s probably a model homemaker and mom. When I wake up for work in the morning there is always freshly brewed coffee and breakfast waiting for me. The house is always clean and other than yardwork and repairs I basically don’t have to do anything around the house.
And she is a great mother to our kids. I am quite lucky in many ways.
However, money is WAY tighter than I’d like. We are barely saving anything and I’m not even able to meet my employer’s match on my 401K in order to have enough for us to get by.
We are living lean; eating beans and rice for dinner a couple of times a week, etc. I don’t feel as if I signed up for this. We were both working when we got married and I never thought we’d have to live on just my income. I’ve tried to talk to her about going back to work–even part-time–to help our financial situation several times but she just won’t hear it.
Recently when I was going through our expenses I saw that we were signed up for five streaming services. I kept Hulu and Netflix because they had more child-based programming for our son and our daughter when she gets a little older but canceled HBO and Discovery Plus because they are pretty exclusively for adults.
I kept Shudder because it’s cheap and I like horror. When I told my wife about it she got angry and said that I should have talked to her first; that she had shows she was watching on both of the services I’d canceled. I just responded, “Well, get a job and you can pay for them then.”
She hated that. I think it was fair but she obviously doesn’t see it that way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Wife sucks for just deciding to perpetually be a stay-at-home parent regardless of what you feel or whether it’s in the best interests of the family.
You suck for acting like you have sole control of all spending and can use that as leverage to bully her.
Both of you need to learn how to make decisions together rather than playing chicken with your lives.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your delivery needs work. Just tell her that expenses need to be cut and you started with easy ones hoping to avoid drastic ones like food or heat.
Make sure she is aware of what your family budget is really like so she has an understanding of what you are doing. Explain that you are one disaster away from financial ruin.” MommaGuy
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you try and get a higher-paying job?
Sounds like Wife is a model homemaker so you should be having a talk TOGETHER about budgets & deciding what luxuries you can cut etc to save money.
I’m sure if Wife is such a good homemaker as you say, she’d have plenty of ideas on what food to bulk buy, cheaper coffee brands, etc that would help you meet your savings goal.
Then you can look at how much extra income would make you feel more comfortable.
Then: how do we get it? Is it that you get a better-paying job? Is it that wife gets a job? Would her extra income actually bring you to the extra income you want to feel comfortable, or would the cost of childcare make her having a job pointless? Is it that you move to a cheaper area?
If Wife is working, will you be able to split the housework after 5 years of not having to do anything? Is Wife worried that taking an extra job will mean she’s doing a job + everything that she’s doing at home?
Does Wife need extra support in getting back into the workplace after years being at home with the kids and a previous horrible negative experience?
That has to have an effect on self-esteem.
Do you really need Wife to go to work, or is it that you don’t respect housewives and want a partner that works?
It’s odd that you say money is tight, but apparently you’ve been paying for 5 streaming services for years with such little problem that you’ve only just noticed??
And you still feel financially comfortable enough to keep 3, 2 for the kids and the one you use, but not the one Wife uses. That doesn’t sound like a family who’s struggling. It sounds like a family with generally bad money management. And like you have a very specific idea of where you want to be financially and you’ve fixated on your Wife being the reason you haven’t reached it while not acknowledging all the ways she’s saving you money through childcare & homemaking skills.
Sounds like y’all need an appointment with a financial advisor and a couple’s counselor before you do anything else.
Voting YTJ just because cutting the streaming services was a power move not out of financial desperation. I don’t know any family that’s struggling that can afford more than 1 streaming service, if that.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Suggesting My Husband Stop Paying Extra Child Support?
“My (37f) husband (38m) has a 6-year-old son from a previous relationship. We have an almost 4 year old daughter together and his son is his only other child.
He and his ex have an arrangement where in addition to the £350 he pays as legal child maintenance, he also pays for a number of other things on top.
School uniforms, school trips, the lion’s share of Christmas and birthday presents, but also things like contributions towards petrol for the school run, food shopping, utilities for the power his son’s Xbox uses, etc. The list his ex supplies every month is honestly endless. Often he’s paying 2 or more times his legal contribution in a month.
This is on top of his son staying with us approx every other weekend where of course we pay for everything because he’s in our home.
Husband earns £45k a year but I’m part-time due to childcare costs so our joint income is £65k. Maybe depending on your background that sounds like a lot but it really doesn’t go far after our own bills, mortgage, childcare and looking after our daughter, car payments and saving for an emergency fund etc, to then also pay £700+ a month to his ex.
It leaves us stressing about finances a lot.
We had an argument last night about finances where he was worrying about us affording Christmas on top of the gas bill crisis going on at the moment, and I basically told him if he stopped paying everything his ex asked for we would be in a better position for savings.
That he didn’t need to pay for every single cost associated with his son and that his ex should shoulder more of the costs. (She also has a partner who she lives with and I feel like my husband is funding them as much as he is his son)
He said I’m encouraging him to be a bad father, that I would certainly shut up if I was in his ex’s position i.e. he left me and didn’t pay up. I said if I was in his ex’s position I wouldn’t use his child as a pawn to rinse him for extra funds all the time when he has another child to provide for too.
This escalated until he ended up sleeping in the spare room and hasn’t spoken to me yet this morning aside from briefly in front of our daughter at breakfast. AITJ?
Info: I probably should have added that I don’t know his ex’s partner’s income exactly, but I do know that their combined income must at least be about the same as ours given the job he does and her part-time job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he has an allotted legal amount he is required to pay. And although helping out on top of it for certain things makes sense, he should not be putting your household in a tough place financially to do so.
Court-allocated child support is often based on what the one paying can afford to pay, him paying double or more for things such as “utilities that the Xbox uses” sounds like his ex is abusing his kindness/desire to make sure he supports his son.
The court has mandated what they deem fair/necessary and she shouldn’t be constantly hounding him for more.” Accomplished-Sugar-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He pays for food? Petrol? Utilities? Does he still live there? What are his mother & partner paying for exactly?
I’m guessing family court/CSA decided how much is to be paid?
Because if so, they take into account the fact he has another child. He is expected to be able to support that other child too. If you’re struggling, he’s not.
My ex-husband and I had an agreement whereby we would pay 1/2 each towards uniforms, school shoes/coats, trips, etc.
We never expected to pay for any household bills for each other’s houses.
We shared Xmas/new year, so one year I’d have Xmas, he’d have NY and alternate. The kids got two Xmasses. Kids are now adults, and we still have that arrangement. It works! Likewise, gifts were given at our own homes.
Maybe these arrangements are something you could suggest? Because quite frankly, as a divorced mother, I think your husband’s ex is taking advantage of someone who sounds like a really nice, and conscientiousness man, to your family’s detriment.” whiskeysmoker13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ that’s his kid. Giving child support doesn’t automatically clear him up from other expenses that come with a child. He’s a good father many women would love to have a father that actually tries to help with expenses. Times are hard but you knew what you were getting into when you decided to have a kid with him knowing he has another to care for.” Tulip2001
