People Seek Unbiased Help After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Has No Say In How I Discipline My Children?
“My ex-wife and I parted shortly after the birth of my 9-year-old daughter, we also have a 12-year-old son together.
It wasn’t a messy breakup in the slightest, she just fell out of love, and we still maintain an incredible friendship today. Co-parenting with her is easy, we have 50/50 custody (no courts involved) they spend a week with me and then a week with her, we live close by anyway and they love the arrangement.
My ex-wife and I both agreed on the way we would raise and punish our children should they misbehave that way the structure stays consistent and we don’t have one parent favored over the other.
I’ve been going out with a girl for around 7 years now and she’s always been amazing to my children, last December we got married and things were fine up until now.
Last week my daughter stole 2 pockets full of chocolate from a little corner store, whereas my ex and I would have marched her into the store, return the chocolate to the owner and apologize, my new wife took my children home, sat my daughter at the table and forced her to eat the entire lot by herself, making her brother watch.
She continued to make my daughter eat even after she had complained of a belly ache. My son told me when I got home from work.
I immediately confronted my wife, telling her that my ex and I both had a system in which to discipline our kids and that she has absolutely no choice in that, that if she’s to punish the children she goes by our agreed-upon methods.
It keeps everything consistent and I didn’t appreciate her making my daughter feel sick (she slept all night and skipped dinner because of her stomach). My wife is extremely upset and says I can’t expect her to be married to me and not have a say in how they are raised, I again repeated that how they are raised is up to me and my ex and she should respect and follow those methods.
I got the silent treatment for a few days before she said she just couldn’t handle the sight of me anymore and went to stay with her mother. Of course her mother is now calling me a jerk and saying that I’m treating her as an unequal parental figure in the house and that she should have a say in how the kids are raised as well considering she’s the stepmom.
I spoke to my ex about it and she agrees with my stance and thanked me for standing up for our choices and defending our agreement.
AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Ruined My Dinner Party?
“My husband and I recently finished renovating our home. While mainly superficial, we completely redid our kitchen.
To celebrate this, I planned a housewarming girls’ night and a dinner party with 4 friends. A few days before, one friend ‘Jan’ let me know she wasn’t feeling too well. The morning of, she let me know she’d be coming along.
I told her at every interaction that if she wasn’t feeling well, there was no pressure for her to come, focus on getting better, etc. She assured me she was fine and was excited for the night.
I spent the whole day preparing, cleaning, and cooking, and everyone arrived as planned. From the get-go, Jan was sighing constantly, rubbing her forehead, etc. Jan didn’t feel like doing a house tour and the others said we could do it later, so we sat down and I brought out the first dish.
I like to cook and made a 7-course meal that I was super proud of. Jan only took 3 bites before just pushing the food around, still sighing, hunched, and leaning on her hand. It was slightly awkward as we were constantly asking Jan if she was ok and Jan wasn’t participating in the conversation and shrugging if we tried to include her.
Before the 3rd course, I asked if Jan wanted any as she wasn’t eating much of the food I’d already served, it felt wasteful since I’d have to throw it out. She insisted, so I brought it out and again, she took two bites.
Still sighing and rubbing her forehead, a friend asked if she wanted to lie down and that she looked rough. Jan snapped and asked why we were all badgering her and she seemed fine, so we all eased back and just continued eating.
Overall, the night wasn’t pleasant and all the other girls reassured me after Jan left (she was the first), that the night and food were great and we arranged a redo to celebrate me and my husband buying and renovating our home.
I ran into Jan a week later, and she seemed back to normal. I asked if she enjoyed the dinner party and she made a joke about how I’d lost my ‘hostess sparkle’ and went on and on about my house it drove her crazy.
That peeved me and I told her that she didn’t seem well and it influenced the night since she didn’t seem receptive to any of my hostess attempts, and the whole point was a housewarming dinner party with my friends.
She then said ‘I had the best cheeseburger afterward, they always taste better late at night huh?’ This is where I wasn’t nice because I said ‘Maybe you shouldn’t have come then if it wasn’t up to your standards.
You’re actually standing here talking about eating cheeseburgers the same night you ate 2 bites of the meal I cooked and wasted all that food that I spent all day cooking? If you were as sick as you seemed that night, you shouldn’t have come since it ruined the night.’
She got mad and told me it wasn’t all about me, I was a bad friend and an attention-seeking ‘person’ who can’t stand anyone else being the focus of the night.”
34. AITJ For Causing Three Men To Get Kicked Out Of The Restaurant?
“I (20F) work at an upscale restaurant. I was the closing server last night and around 11:45, had these three (very intoxicated) men come in (around the ages 20-25). Immediately when they sat down they began to stare at me.
And not a normal stare, a creepy stare. Like head-on-a-swivel following me around the restaurant and never once taking their eyes off of me. It got to the point where a booth full of my coworkers (who just finished their shifts) started asking me if I was okay.
One of my coworkers decided to pretend he was my significant other in an attempt to deter them, but they continued to stare. When I walked past their booth, at one point one of the men reached out probably in an attempt to grab my waist (or butt) but I dodged. About 5 minutes later they still wouldn’t stop staring, so my other coworker shouted ‘What are you looking at?
She’s 16 do you want to go to jail?’ Only for one of them to reply in the creepiest tone ‘Yeah I’d go to jail for that’.
It then escalated to where our manager had to call security and all of our Chefs came out to make sure they didn’t do anything.
They were kicked out shortly after but it made the rest of my shift very uncomfortable as I felt embarrassed that the situation got as big as it did and a little guilty. I also felt uncomfortable beforehand, because I had to repeatedly pass the guys’ booth to get to the patio (where I was serving).
I am extremely grateful for how my coworkers handled everything and how they continuously kept asking me if I was okay.
Here’s what makes me think I’m the jerk.
When I got home I told my parents and my sister about what happened (IN DETAIL) and my sister promptly said ‘You kicked them out because they were looking at you?’ I explained it to her again and she said ‘well that’s life’ and pointedly looked me up and down to indicate that I was wearing an extremely tight and short dress.
Nothing was showing obviously I was completely covered.
I know what they were doing was inappropriate but they also didn’t do anything besides stare (because I didn’t let them touch me). It’s now 24 hours later but I still feel all weird about it.
So AITJ?
Edit: My parents are utterly and completely 100% on my side and they’re appalled by my sisters’ comments.”
33. AITJ For Not Sharing My Wi-Fi Password Anymore?
“I (23F) live next door to Jenny (she lives with her husband and 1 child).
I work almost all day outside and in my spare time, I play games on ps4 during the week. I pay for good internet because I like not having any lag while playing or any internet slowness. My ps4 is in my room and the internet router is in the living room, so it’s wi-fi and not cable.
And because of that, I constantly check the internet speed and it’s always X.
A few months ago, I invited Jenny’s family over for dinner and gave them my wifi password, apparently theirs was weak at my house and I went through politeness.
Last month, I started to notice very bad internet speed (1/10th of before) and a few technical visits to resolve until the technician asked if I had passed the password to someone in the building and I put the pieces together.
I then changed the password, because the internet was crap and I didn’t want to share it with 3 more people.
Last week, the neighbor knocked on the door and asked for my Wi-Fi password, because her internet wasn’t working and I commented saying that I changed it because there were people from other apartments using it.
She got the message and said she was having a hard time and couldn’t pay for her own internet, so in desperation she used mine, and if I could give her the new password, promising that they would only use it at night (when they got home from work).
I denied saying that night was my leisure time too and that I didn’t want to have bad internet and I don’t want to pay more for the internet to be good for 4 people. And even more so for her using it for a month without my permission.
She stomped off and, oh gosh, my new image in the building is of the petty jerk who doesn’t want to share Wi-Fi with people who are struggling financially.
AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Keeping My Promise To My Late Ex?
“My ex M and I were together for a year in our 25s and parted ways on good terms. Our last encounter a year later led to the birth of our daughter (L).
About a year into L’s life, M was diagnosed with a terminal illness and she passed away when L was about 2. During her last few months, she moved into my place and I helped her liquidate all her assets and put them in a fund for L while I took care of everyone.
I know that M was no contact with her family for the longest time but she never divulged why despite asking her a few times. When the reality that she would never see L grow up truly set in, M was a sobbing mess and was actively having panic attacks.
Her final wish which was made in front of me and her friends, was that no matter what happens, L should never ever interact with her family. To comfort her, I made the promise and even went as far as getting legal documents signed which would state that should something happen to me, her godparents (our best friends) would take her in.
Even though my family would have been more than happy to take care of L, I know that they would not be able to keep my promise.
L is 5 now and she is my whole world, and we were living our happy little lives until ex’s mother found us.
She came to my door, introduced herself, and asked to speak to me. Since L was right in, I didn’t want to risk anything, so I asked her to leave and meet me the next day in a cafe nearby.
She wasn’t happy about this and tried to argue but relented. During this time, I contacted my ex’s friends and my friends to ensure L’s safety because I don’t know what to expect. I have her godparents take her to their place.
When I met with M’s mom, she was there with her other daughter and husband. They were very pleasant, to begin with, but I was very hesitant. They then proceeded to tell me how M had a substance problem in her teen years, never heard of this nor have her friends, and ran away when she was 18.
Since then, they’ve had no contact even though they spent countless hours searching for M, and not a day goes by when they don’t miss her. They recently found out about M’s passing due to a post from M’s friend on M’s birthday a few months ago.
They wanted to meet L and be in her life, saying how much they missed out already and couldn’t even be there to say goodbye to M. They were probably expecting a very enthusiastic yes from me, but I apologized and told them while I sympathize with them, it was M’s last wish that I keep L away from you and I made a promise which I intend to keep.
This set them off, especially, their daughter, and I basically ran away from there. I asked the godparents to keep L longer after updating them and because the family was hounding my door until I called the cops.
Since then, I’ve been getting letters and messages from everyone including my family about how I’m being cruel and how I should let them in L’s life since they are the only connection she has to M.
I’ve made my decision and will be keeping L away, regardless I just wanted to see if I am the jerk.”
31. AITJ For Calling My Neighbor Stupid?
“I (25M) live in my family’s cottage which I was given ownership of. The cottage itself is a waterfront property facing a medium-sized lake.
My family has been living here for generations as my great-grandfather originally bought it before passing it down eventually leading to me. My neighbors are a different story as many of the people I have known since childhood have moved out.
The houses that my neighbors once had have been torn down and replaced with ‘designer’ style homes. With the construction of these homes came new neighbors and an HOA of which I am not a member.
My problems started with my next-door neighbor Sophie (F 50-60?) over fishing.
One day after doing some canoe fishing I was approached by Sophie on my beach. She started asking if it was legal to fish on the lake to which I said it was as long as you pay the 25$ per year license.
After that, I said that I had to go as I had caught some fish and I wanted to start processing them for dinner as it was getting late. After our conversation, I did not hear from her for over two weeks.
My encounter with her this time was not in person but through a letter. In this letter, she wrote about how ‘dangerous’ fishing is to the environment and why I should stop. In response, I chose to simply chuck it in my recycling bin and ignore her as it wasn’t worth my time.
My most recent encounter was two days ago when I had some friends over. It was in the afternoon when I ran back into the house for some more beers along with one of my friends. While grabbing the drinks we heard a knock at the door.
When I answered the door it was Sophie and she had another letter. Before handing the letter she said that she had tried to be diplomatic and now she has had enough and has a letter from the HOA. Admittedly I was a bit tipsy at the time and in response, I laughed and called her stupid for believing the HOA can do anything before closing the door on her.
After sobering up I feel conflicted, on one hand, I feel that I was justified in my actions because my fishing is none of her business. On the other hand, I feel that I could have dealt with her in a more tactful way.
Am I a jerk?”
30. AITJ For Not Telling My Son's Secret To My Husband?
“I (39f) am married to my husband ‘Will’ (41m) and we have two kids together (14m and 10f). I’m going to call my son ‘Alex’ in this story.
Yesterday my son was crying. Will and I realized it and were obviously concerned. We couldn’t get him to tell us why. Will ended up having to go pick up our daughter but I stayed to comfort Alex. After Will left, Alex ended up confiding in me about what was going on.
There is a reason he told me and not his dad. I would like to clarify that he does have an excellent relationship with his dad. They are very close. It’s just that he has no experience with this particular thing and I do.
I’m able to relate to him in a way Will can’t. We talked about it and by the end, he was feeling a lot better. He asked me not to tell anyone yet because he was not ready to talk about it.
I intend to keep his secret for as long as he wants me to.
When Will got back home from getting our daughter. I let him know that I talked to Alex and that he is okay because I know he was worried and I didn’t want him to keep asking what was wrong.
Will immediately asked me what happened. I told him nothing happened, Alex is just dealing with something right now. He asked me what and I told him I couldn’t tell him. He asked why and I said I promised Alex I wouldn’t.
Now I can completely understand him wanting to know. I would want to know too. We kept going back and forth. I told him all he needs to know is that nothing is wrong. Alex is perfectly fine and healthy both mentally and physically.
I also assured him Alex will tell him eventually he just needs some time first.
Right now Will is really frustrated with me. He wants to know and he’s frustrated that I won’t tell him what’s going on.
He’s also frustrated that Alex felt like he couldn’t confide in him. I keep assuring him that it’s nothing personal and that Alex still loves him. But I can’t tell him why Alex chose to tell me instead because that would basically be telling him what is going on.
I sympathize with his frustrations. I imagine I would feel the same way. But I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong by protecting our son’s secret. AITJ?
Edit: I did encourage Alex to tell his dad, and I think he will relatively soon.
However, I won’t force him to tell him. Also while what’s going on doesn’t mean Alex is in harm, it’s still a very serious and important issue. I didn’t mean to downplay it.”
29. AITJ For Yelling At My Co-Worker Because He Has No Boundaries?
“I (22F) work in an IT department with one other person, Jake (26M).
I have almost worked here for about a year now and Jake has worked there for around three years, he said. In the past, I have had issues with him jabbing me in the side, shaking me, getting way too close to me, and generally not respecting boundaries.
But this hasn’t been a huge problem in the past because, for the most part, we complete our tasks independently and do not have to work together often. However, we do share office space and he loves to talk to me whenever we have any downtime.
A few months ago, I was asking Jake about a work problem, and after walking me through a solution he made a comment ‘I’ll always help a lady in need’ and very tightly wrapped his arm around me. This made me super uncomfortable and when I brought up this incident to management, I was told that Jake has autism and has problems with social cues and with communicating with others.
Our boss told me that they would have a talk with him, but that in the future it might be helpful to be more direct with Jake and every time he makes me uncomfortable address it with him.
For a while, I had no problems with Jake, but about a week ago, Jake started with the behavior again, starting with pats on the shoulder and standing very close to me.
I took the advice of our boss and told him every time he touched me or got too close to me, to keep his hands to himself, or to give me personal space. The problem is that he would apologize, and the behavior would continue and at least 3-4 times a day I had to remind him to respect my personal space.
At work yesterday, I was fixing a problem that Jake couldn’t in front of a group of coworkers. When I fixed the issue, Jake bear-hugged me from behind and very loudly told me ‘Good job Lauren’ in front of our other coworkers.
I yelled at him ‘JAKE GET OFF ME’ and ‘HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF’. I was caught off-guard and angry because I just had this conversation with him. He jumped back and apologized repeatedly, and I told him to get away from me, then he started crying and ran off.
Everyone around was sympathetic even though I just lost my temper, and I was in tears because being ‘hugged’ in the way that I was brings back bad memories for me… even if that was not his intention. Eventually, our boss walked up to me and asked me to meet with him in his office.
I was told that while Jake was in the wrong for not keeping his hands to himself, that I made the situation much worse by causing an overdramatic scene and embarrassing him. Now, HR is involved, and Jake and I are now working on alternating days while the ‘problem’ is being investigated. I’m not sure how this is going to affect me… if I’m going to be let go because I was being ‘overdramatic.’ But if anybody else acted this way I would’ve reacted the same, if not worse.
I’ve been patient with Jake and showed him a ton of grace, in my opinion.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Redecorate My House To Make It More Child-Friendly?
“I love horror movies and horror games and collect memorabilia and stuff like that. It is all over my house. Freddy and zombie cutouts, big framed pictures of horror icons, posters, etc. I’m pretty much child-free, my partner knows this.
I’ve been with my partner for a little less than a year. She is very involved in her nieces and nephews’ lives. Babysits them often, and has them stay overnight with her.
My partner’s family was having a birthday party for her aunt and she asked if they could have it at my house since I have a pool and she thought it’d be a nice time for me to meet the rest of her family.
I agreed. All the kids are under 10 so I moved the big stuff like cutouts and items hanging on walls into my spare room, my Chucky and Tiffany dolls included. Because my cats like to roam, I don’t close any doors except my office.
The kids still found the dolls and other stuff and were terrified. My partner says I should’ve put it all in the garage and locked the door. The day after, my partner and her sisters came over to tell me the kids had had nightmares.
She also said that if I’m serious about her I should redecorate my house anyway to make it more child friendly so she can have her family over without scaring them. I pretty much laughed and told her no. That’s a pretty big ask this early in the relationship and I’m child-free.
I don’t mind kids coming over once in a while, or being around them, but I don’t want them to become regular guests at my house. I told them that they should teach the kids better to not go poking around in other people’s houses without permission.
Her sisters got upset and said I should’ve closed all the doors in my house if I knew scary things were in the rooms, and my partner says I’m being a jerk for not redecorating so she can spend time with me and the kids at the same time.
So am I the jerk here?”
27. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday Even Though It Falls On A Rough Time Of Year?
“I have been going out with a widower for the past 4.7 years and his ex-wife died exactly a day before my birthday. I am very considerate of the fact that he gets sad around this time so we visit her grave together with his son and meet his ex-in-laws for kind of a yearly commemorating lunch.
We also celebrate his late wife’s birthday and each and every family member from both sides of the family’s birthdays.
But we never really celebrated my birthday, not even a dinner. He will usually wish me over text or call and that’s it.
Not that I want fancy gifts but it’s nice to celebrate this day with the person you love. So, this year I really wanted to celebrate my birthday with all my colleagues from work, our friends and his relatives because I got promoted recently and wanted to throw a get-together.
I asked my partner’s sister about this and she was thrilled so we proceeded to tell the other family members as well. My partner was very unhappy and said the time around my birthday is a very sad period for all of them and I was insisting on partying.
His mom said I was being selfish and not understanding what my partner is going through. I dropped the idea and told him that I promise to never celebrate my birthday with him ever, even if we get married. He said I was being immature and I’m hurting him.
So I’m actually torn, on one side I feel like I’m being immature but on the other hand I feel that I deserve my own celebration as well.
PS: I met my partner 7 years after his wife passed away. Also, it feels illegal to go out and celebrate without him so every year I usually order a cake for myself and watch movies in my apartment all alone.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Making My Wife Apologize To My Kids And My Ex-Wife?
“I have 2 twins, Castella and Freya, with my ex-wife.
My ex-wife Mariana and I were married for a long time, we divorced a while ago and I remarried 2 years ago.
My wife Ava does not like my ex.
I told her from the beginning that my ex-wife and I are not rivals, we are co-parents and civil and regardless she’s their mom. My parents like her a lot. Mariana was diagnosed with cancer last year, her head is shaved as she is still on chemo and my parents have been helping her with herself and the kids often.
They are my kids’ grandparents and I don’t see why I have to shun Mariana out of everyone she’s been around since grade school.
I don’t talk to her aside from the kids, she doesn’t come to family gatherings or anything.
There are many things Ava doesn’t like about this. Especially our custody agreement.
Here’s the issue, my kids came to me really upset and they showed me a bunch of posts that Ava made about Mariana.
Ava for the past months has been writing posts about Mariana.
She’s taken a picture of her from her profiles, one of her in a wig after she shaved her hair saying ‘Take off the freaking wig’ and another picture of Mariana with no wig on saying ‘That’s better witch.’ She took another one of what Mariana posted of her and the kids on their birthdays saying ‘So happy to see my babies getting so big’ to which Ava reposted saying ‘Yeah you are still dying tho’.
These got worse. Even people Ava was friends with were posting about Mariana AND our kids.
My kids are upset, we all sat down and she tried saying that Mariana was messaging her saying way worse stuff, I asked her to show me, but she said that it was on Snapchat and they are gone.
(It was confirmed that Mariana doesn’t even have Snapchat)
I told Ava that she needed to go for a little while my kids and I talked. They said that they found her on social media and this has been happening since she got cancer based on how long she’s been posting these, they were obviously hurt, they said that they wanted to go to their mom’s for a little while and this made them extremely uncomfortable with her which was understandable.
Mariana and I talked. Apparently, she’s seen this but didn’t bring it up because she wasn’t in the mood to cause any drama.
Ava and I talked. I told her that she was going to publicly apologize to Mariana and my kids since everything was made public.
She apologizes to Mariana through text and to my kids in person. I left for a bit to think.
All of this embarrassed Ava greatly.
I’m getting messages from people saying that I’m a jerk and I made her do all of that and didn’t even forgive her, and humiliated her.
I think that it’s odd to accuse me of that. There’s a line between caring about someone’s well-being and being secretly in love with them and if I was, I highly doubt I would still be married for this long.
And I feel like embarrassment was deserved, I hate to say it but this just made me disgusted.”
25. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Pay Me The Real Worth Of The Cards He Sold?
“I (21M) have been collecting Pokémon cards for a few years. I have spent £1000s and spent countless hours collecting specific cards and sets in the right condition.
The entire collection is worth approximately £15,000-20,000. However, in total, I have spent around £10,000 on all the cards as I just knew what to buy and managed to snag some good deals.
I had been at University for the last few years and whilst I was away I kept the majority of my collection at my parents’ house (which is where I stayed when it’s not term time at uni) stored safely in my cupboard.
My brother (24m) also lives at my parents’ house and is aware of the collection, as are my parents. However, they were not aware of the value of the cards, just that I collected them and they meant a lot to me.
I just came home recently after term time finished at university and when I came home, my collection of Pokémon cards was nowhere to be seen. I asked my parents and they said they were not sure but then I asked my brother and he denied knowing anything but I could tell he was lying.
I kept pushing it and got my parents involved and eventually, he told me that he needed funds and sold my cards to a local shop for £1000. At this point, I went crazy and screamed at him and had to leave the house to cool down because not only did he steal the cards and sell them for 1/10 of the value but also this was 90% of my funds because I had invested it all in the cards (stupid I know).
After returning home my brother and parents spoke to me and apologised. My brother offered to pay me back the £1000 and I explained how much the cards were worth. At this point, my brother laughed as he didn’t believe me until I started to show him on eBay.
Then he got mad and said he could not give me more than £1000. My parents were also shocked and I still don’t think they really understand as they are taking my brother’s side and saying it is too much for pieces of cardboard and that I should accept the £1000.
I have spoken to the shop and they have already sold 90% of the cards as it has been a few weeks since my brother sold them.
Nothing has changed in the last few days and I haven’t spoken to my parents or brother and I am demanding that I get at least £10000 back.
They are flat out refusing and saying £1000 is it. As a result, I am considering reporting this to the police and seeing If I can take legal action. However, my brother does not have a lot of money and he cannot afford to pay me £10000 at once, additionally, I am worried he may lose his job and my parents will keep siding with him.
But I am not sure what else to do.
Would I be the jerk to report this and use legal proceedings to try and get my funds back?”
24. AITJ For Telling My Roommate That It's Not My Fault Her SO Had An Allergic Reaction?
“I (19f) have a roommate named Kayla (19f), and we have been roommates for almost 1 year. We have always had this shared refrigerator situation going on where we alternate every week or two on who buys the groceries, cleaning supplies, etc. But we don’t cook for each other.
(very important to the story)
Well, 6 months ago Kayla got a significant other, Caleb (21m), who has been spending a lot of time in our apartment. He would leave his mess everywhere and when I say everywhere I really mean it.
He would leave his clothes on the bathroom floor and living room floor, but the biggest issue was he would eat everything, even the things that were strictly mine i.e. leftover takeout, dinners that I cooked for myself.
I’ve talked with my roommate about this multiple times and she said she would talk to him but it doesn’t really seem like she even tries to talk to him.
Which seems like she is enabling him to continue this behavior.
Here’s where the incident happened. Two nights ago I made myself some dinner, I was following this recipe and I was making fried chicken that had some sort of sauce that contained honey in it.
(also very important to the story). Neither I nor my roommate has any sort of allergy so I didn’t say anything to her when I made it or when I put my leftovers in Tupperware and in the fridge.
Well, yesterday I got back home from work, and my roommate wasn’t home.
I didn’t question it and moved on with my day. A few hours later I heard the front door open, and a few moments later my roommate enters my room and just starts yelling at me saying I could’ve killed her SO and how I am irresponsible, and how dare I put my food in the fridge unlabeled when her SO is allergic to honey.
But here’s the thing I didn’t know he was allergic to honey.
Here’s where I think I might be the jerk. I tried explaining to her that I simply didn’t know of her SO’s allergy and he should’ve never been touching my food knowing he has an allergy and could potentially put himself in harm’s way, which he did in this situation.
I also mentioned that I told her to tell him not to touch my food and she blew up on me even more saying that I am dismissing her feelings and I mentioned that she’s been dismissing mine ever since he got here.
We ended the argument with me yelling at her that I’m not responsible for his allergies and she should’ve never brought him around the apartment.
I told my friend about what happened and she told me that even though he was in the wrong for basically stealing my food, I should’ve never said that to my roommate because she was in a stressful situation where a loved one could’ve died. Now I feel bad and think I might’ve been in the wrong.
So am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Going Off At A Woman At The Gym For Trying To Promote Her MLM Business?
“I (22F) and five of my friends (20-24 F) are regular gym-goers. All of us are recovered or recovering from eating disorders and our routines are a little different because of that, so it’s easier together.
We are extremely vocal about our recovery and recently, one of my friends (20F, ‘Dee’) invited one of her college classmates (19F, ‘CC’) with her a few times.
CC is a great girl. She’s JUST a month into recovery but doing really well!
She’s started gaining a little bit of a tummy back, which was really exciting for everyone! She’s really self-conscious about it, but growing into a healthier body.
Recently, someone came up to join us while some of us were weight training, and CC and Dee were on their cool-down.
We’re generally friendly people so we didn’t mind. At first, she seemed pretty nice, a little older than us (Maybe early 30s F, ‘BB’) but generally okay. Until she overheard CC talking about her insecurities and tried to ‘recruit’ her into her ‘super elite’ and ‘tight-knit small business’.
BB started talking about this ‘crazy’ pill that would block carbs and help her lose the tummy. You guys mind that CC is still fairly underweight.
CC started crying and left without saying anything to BB or any of us, so Dee and another friend went to go check on her.
I turned to BB and told her that CC was recovering from an eating disorder and it was definitely not appropriate to come up to strangers in the gym and try to bait them into what I assumed was her MLM.
BB then said, word for word (I saw red at this point, to be honest) that ‘it’s not her fault that she (CC) was too insecure.’
I admit that I kind of lost it. I raised my voice and told her that the only person who was too insecure there was BB for targeting young women trying to improve themselves just to make a quick buck off of outdated beauty standards by selling them trashy and potentially dangerous products, and to get lost before I decide to tell the front desk that she was trying to pander ‘unregistered medication’ (?) to their customers.
I actually did end up telling the front desk, but it wasn’t technically against the rules so BB just got a brief talking-to and was told to leave us alone. However, CC still doesn’t want to come back (understandable) and Dee thinks I was too harsh on BB.
Dee believes that BB may have been ‘tricked’ herself into joining the scheme and felt pressured by her ‘higher-ups’, and didn’t know that CC was dealing with an eating disorder. I can see where Dee is coming from, and one of our other friends agrees with her.
I can see both sides, but I really don’t see the problem with what I said and did. However, if I am the jerk, I am fully prepared to apologize to BB the next time I see her.
So, AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That I Have A Prosthetic Leg?
“I (22f) have a prosthetic leg, I lost my leg when I was 3 years old in an accident and honestly I don’t remember a time without the prosthetic it’s just normal to me. I’ve been seeing a guy (25m) for a couple of months, but the subject of my leg hadn’t come up yet.
A few days ago I was having dinner at his place as he cooked for me, when he was setting out the food he bumped into the table and the vase went flying off and smashed against my prosthetic leg.
He freaked out in a blind panic wanting me to roll up my trouser leg in case I was hurt asking me over and over again if I was ok. I admit I was startled and relieved it had been THAT leg and couldn’t help laughing and I reassured him it was fine over and over again but he didn’t believe me and demanded to see so to prove it I removed my prosthetic leg showing it to him and explained the situation and how I’d lost my leg when I was little.
I then told him it was fine if it was THAT leg and I was just relieved it wasn’t the other.
He got upset with me for laughing clearly embarrassed by this situation and was more upset that I hadn’t told him about my leg yet, I apologized and explained it’s not exactly an easy thing to work into conversation organically and I’d have for sure given him a heads up before we slept together for the first time as no one wants to discover that the hard way.
He cleaned up the glass and I put my leg back on and we had dinner though the mood was ruined and he was clearly unhappy with me.
Later I got some texts from him saying he felt really upset that I hadn’t told him earlier and how he’d been worried and I’d laughed. He has said he needs time to think about some things.
My laughter wasn’t AT him, more the shock of the situation and I tried to explain that but he has asked me to give him some space, I had been planning to tell him but it’s not like you can just say ‘hey oh, by the way, I only have one leg that cool?’ naturally in a conversation.
Was I the jerk here?”
21. AITJ For Not Funding My Stepson's Camp After He Destroyed My Daughter's Sticker Collection?
“My daughter (12) is disabled and has been since she was 5. Her activities and interests are very limited except for her love for stickers. She loves collecting stickers and spends most of her time doing it. If there’s one thing she enjoys doing this is it.
It also helps her get rid of stress and anxiety.
I’ve been saving for my stepson’s (16) summer camp and so far have contributed 80% while his dad contributed 20%. It’s a huge deal for him and last week he was begging my daughter to give him her camera and she refused. He begged and she kept refusing.
He then turned to me and his dad and his dad asked me to do something but I told him if it was a no then he should just take it.
Obviously, this upset my stepson. Later I found out that he ‘punished’ my daughter by throwing away all of her sticker collections.
He admitted that he and 2 of his friends dumped them in car oil and then burned them. I was in disbelief but very angry. I scolded him, banned his friends from the house then pulled back 80% of the funds I paid towards his camp.
He started crying and begging and apologizing then called my husband.
My husband told me that pulling the money was an overreaction and a step too far, he said I was trying to hurt his son rather than just ‘let him learn from this experience’ (I don’t know what this is supposed to mean).
He offered to punish him by taking his electronics for 3 days but I said no because he caused significant damage and caused my daughter to lose valuable, childhood collections of stickers, some even were hard to get. My husband disagreed and said that I promised and can’t pull back now cause it’ll make my stepson resent me for good.
He kept saying ‘Don’t make that mistake’ and guilting me about my decision.
I might be going too far but my daughter is devastated and is still crying over her collections and refusing to talk to anyone.”
20. AITJ For Moving Back To My Home State?
“I (37f) share a son ‘Tommy’ (13m) with my ex ‘John’ (37m). We split up when Tommy was a toddler so he lived full-time with me and then it was 50/50 when he was around 8.
During my first year of marriage, John received a job offer back in his home state, we live in the USA Midwest, and I initially didn’t want to go but John eventually wore me down. I never really liked where we lived and would often talk to John about possibly moving again, but since we were in his home state and he had family here John never wanted to discuss it.
When we were in the middle of a divorce the idea of me and Tommy moving away was brought up and John freaked out, saying that I had no right to take away his son and I was hounded by his side of the family.
Tommy is literally the only reason why I still lived where I did and I have always hated the weather and missed my friends. Before 2020, Tommy approached me about living with his dad full-time, and when I asked him why, he assured me that it wasn’t anything about me or where we were living just that at his dad’s place he had more room.
John made more money than me and lived in a four-bedroom house while I had a two-bedroom townhouse. I won’t lie and say that I was a little sad at the idea of seeing my son less but I wasn’t going to stop him if he wanted to go.
It was agreed that Tommy would spend a weekend a month, Spring Break and Summers with me while John and I alternated Holidays.
A while back an old friend reached out and it was great reconnecting. It wasn’t long until we found out that we worked for the same company (it’s a nationwide firm that has multiple offices across the country), and my friend offered to give me a recommendation for a new position that I was trying to apply for.
I was grateful and sad that I didn’t get the job but a week later I was surprised when the firm offered me another position that paid more money and offered more benefits. It was also back in my home state so I would get to be near my family again.
I immediately said ‘Yes’ and when Tommy came to visit me I told him about the job and asked him if there was anything he wanted to keep while the rest of his stuff would just come with me.
Tommy asked why I would want to move and aside from the money, I told him that I never really liked living here and was always planning on leaving once he turned 18 and graduated high school.
Tommy seemed to take the news well but his dad called me furious and said I was manipulative because our son now thinks that I’m ‘punishing’ him for wanting to live with his father full-time. AITJ?
Edit to add:
1. John and I were married when we moved to the Midwest.
2. I never tried to move with Tommy; I just brought this up as a possibility during the divorce.
3. After the divorce I focused mostly on Tommy so I never had another relationship after the divorce so there’s no SO.
4. I haven’t formally accepted the position yet and have until the end of the week to do so.
5. If I do accept the position I wouldn’t leave until around the end of March because I’m assisting with a project.
6. On paper I still have 50/50 custody and the visitation arrangement is just a verbal agreement John and I have because we didn’t want to have to pay for lawyers.
7. The current visitation is set up the way it is mostly because John and I sat down together and asked Tommy what he wanted.
8. Tommy has been living full-time with his dad for a little over a year now.
9. If/When I move of course I would still have contact with my son.”
19. AITJ For Choosing The Gym Over My Partner And Her Daughter?
“I (32m) have been with my partner (29f) for about 18 months. She has the cutest little 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
As our relationship has progressed I’ve been spending more and more time at my partner’s place, to the point that I’ve all but moved in with them.
This is mostly just because it’s logistically easier for me to go to her place since she has a kid and I don’t.
I work from 4:30 pm to 2:30 am. I get to bed by 4 am and then wake up around noon and then on most days head off to the gym and spend about two hours there total. I like to work out; it makes me feel good, keeps me healthy, and I also consider it a professional responsibility to stay in shape.
Working 10-hour shifts means that I don’t have a ton of time in between shifts but I also have more days off than most working people.
This was never a problem until I (basically) moved in with my partner. Suddenly lately when I wake up and try to head off to the gym she’s all ‘Oh, it’s all about you, huh?’ or ‘You only care about doing what you need to do.
(My daughter) doesn’t understand why you are leaving and why you don’t want to spend time with us.’
The last time things came to a head. When my partner started objecting to my going to the gym I told her ‘I’ll see you and (your daughter) for a little bit before I go off to work and then tomorrow I’m off and don’t have a workout scheduled so we’ll have the whole day together.
But I have to get my workout in today. It’s a priority.’
She then responded ‘So, the gym is a priority, but me and (my daughter) aren’t? If you want to be part of this family it’s not all about you anymore.
So what’s more important to you? The gym, or us?’
I responded, ‘Well, if you’re going to force me to choose instead of making room for something that you know is important to me, then I guess I have to choose the gym.’ I then left.
I’m sitting in my own apartment now. Things may be over. In fairness I should note that she wasn’t insisting that I never go to the gym again; she just wanted to renegotiate my schedule. But I was unwilling because I felt as if that would get in the way of my goals.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Ex's Daughter Until She Starts Therapy?
“I (35f) used to see a guy we’ll call Jacob (37m). We went out for 9 months before we mutually agreed to break up. Jacob has a 16-year-old daughter we’ll call Emma. Emma’s mom is not in her life and apparently, all previous exes treated her horribly.
Emma calls me mom, I never had an issue with it even after the break up since I knew she didn’t really have one and I cared for her. Emma often comes to visit me and stays over.
About 2 months ago I went on a date.
Emma found out but acted really excited for me and even insisted on helping me pick out a dress, we had a blast and even went for some ice cream after. The date went well and I thought things were going well however about a week later I received a text from my date calling me a horrible person and telling me to never talk to him again.
This happened for the next 3 dates I went on and at this point, I knew something was up.
On the 4th date, the same thing happened as the previous three dates however this time I decided to ask for an explanation.
He then sent me screenshots of messages he had received from a random number claiming that I had a family and that I was having an affair. I was shocked to see that the number which sent the messages was Emma’s.
Emma came over later that day and I showed her the screenshots and asked if she sent this to all my previous dates. She admitted to sending this message to all my dates and apologized, saying that she thought that if I got into a relationship she would lose me.
I felt bad and told her that she would never lose me and I would always be there for her. We had a heart-to-heart and then got sushi and I thought this was the end of it.
I went on another date last week.
I told my date about Emma and everything that happened with her. He thought it was funny and had no problem with her being in my life still. Well, a day later he sent me a message and what do you know, Emma had messaged him the exact same messages she sent to everyone else.
I called Emma and asked why she did this again when we had already talked about it and told her that if this doesn’t stop she will not be able to come over to my house for a while which is something I don’t want to do.
She got mad and started swearing at me before saying that I should get back with her father because we didn’t end on bad terms before hanging up on me.
I called her father and explained the situation, I told him that I think we need to get her a therapist as I think our breakup affected her more than we thought.
I then told him that until the situation was resolved and she apologized she shouldn’t come over to my house for a while. I would still talk to her, just not see her until she starts therapy.
Well her father was furious he called me everything in the book and said that while she was in the wrong and should see a therapist, I was a jerk for essentially cutting her out of my life because of it.
I explained that it was only temporary until the situation was resolved however he hung up.
It’s been a day and I feel really bad as I’m the only healthy mother figure she’s had however, I don’t think I am in the wrong as it’s only until she starts therapy so AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That Being Nice Is Not Always The Way To Go?
“We live in a conservative country – no physical danger (from the state, at least) for LGBT people, but a lot of social disapproval.
My daughter, Anna (14F) has a classmate, I’ll call Kate (14F), who is very unpopular. She doesn’t have any friends, and she is relentlessly bullied by other girls.
Anna is very kind and so she told Kate she can join her and her friends when they are hanging out. They are the only group that doesn’t join in on the bullying.
Recently Anna told me that Kate gives her ‘a bad gut feeling’.
We had a lot of conversations about trusting your gut feelings before. Kate has ‘creepy eyes’ and makes Anna feel revolted. I told her that, in this case, she should stop hanging out with Kate immediately. Anna cried and went on a rant about how it doesn’t feel like a girl’s meeting anymore because:
- Kate is loud and domineering and has a big ego, makes a lot of vulgar jokes, and intimidates others.
- Kate has very different hobbies and mocks the group’s hobbies.
- Kate is apparently attracted to girls, so she shifts the ‘atmosphere’.
So it’s just like inviting a boy, but Kate’s a girl, and girls should support girls… She called herself a lot of awful, sexist names. It broke my heart.
I told her: when your belly is telling you ‘run’, and society is telling you ‘be nice’, always listen to your belly.
Besides, if all the girls in class – from Zoe the traditional Catholic who wants to be a nun, to Natalie the p*******l tik tok-taught witch with purple hair – hate her, then maybe it’s for a good reason?
She very reluctantly agreed and banned Kate from future hangouts.
Last Sunday, Kate’s mom came to my house and told me that I took away the last thing Kate had in her life and she is alone again. She called me sexist and homophobic and implied Kate’s poor mental health is Anna’s fault.
We exchanged a few heated words, and I had to comfort Anna all evening because she heard it all and blames herself. She still feels awful.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Moving Back Into The House That I Share With My Ex?
“Before I moved back into the house I co-own with my ex, my son lived here with my ex full-time while I lived back in my birth country. I would fly to see him at least once a month and sometimes my ex would bring him to me too.
It wasn’t an ideal setup but I didn’t have the option of having my son live with me full-time.
My son got really sick 3 months ago. I stayed with him until he was better. During that time my son repeatedly asked me if I was going to leave him again and told me he didn’t like it when I left him.
It broke my heart every time he would say things like that and I was already finding it hard being away from him most of the time. I asked my ex if he would consider letting our son live with me full-time but he wouldn’t even discuss it, all he would say was that it would never happen.
The day before I was scheduled to go back home, I tried bringing it up to my ex again but again, he shot the conversation down. I got upset and I told him I was moving back and I wouldn’t be away from my son anymore.
A week and a half later, I moved back here and back into the house. I never asked my ex if he was okay with me moving back in, I just did it.
Sometimes my ex seems amused by me having moved back and other times he seems annoyed by it.
Besides us, my mother-in-law and my ex’s partner also live here. My mother-in-law feels like I made the right decision for my son, whereas my ex’s partner is furious.
She wants me out and I know she’s been trying to get my ex to force me to leave.
She told me I was making her uncomfortable in her own home and that I was insane for thinking I could just move back in after all of this time. Yesterday, she told me ‘they’ were going to have me evicted which I already know she can’t do.
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Treat My Stepsister Like A Sister At School?
“My (15F) step-sister (15) did not want new siblings. I kind of understand this because she used to be an only child with two very rich parents that gave her whatever she wanted. Now, instead of living with her mom (40s?), she has to share a house with me, my older sister (17), my little brother (13), and my dad (40s?).
She’s fine with my dad though, she just kind of doesn’t like having us around.
She doesn’t like to share anything. Some of it I get. It’s the clothes her dad bought her, Dad says she doesn’t have to share them, okay fine I guess.
However, why can’t she share some soda, grapes, or chips? And it’s just her. My sisters and brothers and I share our food with each other, and her if she wanted it. My sister also shares her clothes and makeup.
I don’t even ask, I just take it, and she does the same with me. I ask my step-sister and she won’t ever let me.
Also, she’s really touchy. I made a joke about her waking up with bedhead one day (literally something I’ve said to my sister a million times) and she freaked out.
Told me that she can fix her hair, but I always look bad because my mom never taught me basic hygiene. (Yeah because my mom died). I told her at least my mom loves me, her dad’s down the street but only sees her once a month.
She cried. My step-mom and my dad made us both apologize to each other. I forgave her because siblings say trashy things sometimes, but she hasn’t liked me ever since.
Not that it makes a difference because she never wanted to hang out before.
I asked her to watch a movie or go to the mall she refused.
My step-sister had been attending a different school last year when my parents moved in together. However, since we both transferred to high school we had to attend the same school.
Well, my school is pretty big so this wasn’t an issue for most of it. However, recently my step-sister wanted to join the same club as me. I was irritated, but whatever, I don’t own the club.
However, at her first meeting, she saw that a lot of people were talking to me so she came over smiling.
She said hi and started introducing herself as my sister. I said no she’s not, she’s my step-sister and we’re not close at all. Then I kept the conversation moving.
She was really upset with me. She ran home and snitched to my parents.
They were mad, but I explained that she didn’t act like a sister, she acted like a stranger. Fine, whatever. Her prerogative. But that means she can’t have the benefits of having siblings either. They grounded me.
My friends think I’m fine, but my dad looked really disappointed, so I don’t know.
AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Acting Like A Parent To My Niece Anymore?
“My sister and brother-in-law passed 5 years ago, and I was left with her children (Eric 11, Melissa 14, and Lilly 7). I never wanted children, and honestly don’t particularly like them. But my brother-in-law didn’t like his siblings and his parents were abusive, while my parents are too old to raise children.
So I was the best choice.
It was hard and horrible, but I did it for my sister and my nieces and nephew, even if I hated all the crying and parenting. They’ve all had therapy and I’ve tried to be a good uncle and father figure.
The younger two are mostly normal and well behaved but Melissa is a nightmare. Even with therapy she always acts so rude and refuses to accept rules. I swear Melissa goes out of her way to do whatever she shouldn’t.
The big problem came up cause last month Lilly called me dad. I’ve always corrected her and said I’m her uncle, but this time she was really upset and said she loves me and wants to call me dad. Eric joined in saying it too.
I felt it was weird but ended up allowing it. Cause fighting it clearly hasn’t worked.
Melissa took it horribly and we ended up arguing. She basically said I’m not their dad and won’t ever be and have no rights.
I tried to calm her down but it didn’t work and we both got angry. She said it would be better if they stayed with anyone else. I ended up telling her to stop being such a brat and I never even wanted to be her dad anyway.
That she’s only here because it’s what my sister wanted, so I don’t care if she doesn’t see me as a dad. It didn’t end well. The next day she tried to apologize and I told her it was fine, and she doesn’t have to worry about it again.
That she wins and I’ll just stay out of her life.
Since then I just have not treated her in a fatherly way whatsoever. She doesn’t have to do chores and stuff, but she also doesn’t get an allowance or advice or help with homework or driven to friends and everything since it’s such a crime for me to be fatherly.
Yesterday, my parents came over and just ripped into me, saying I’m being a trashy parent/uncle and hurting Melissa. They’ve always been close to the kids even if they’re not able to parent, and I guess Melissa complained about me.
They say I have no right to say what I did and treat her like trash. But it’s literally what she wanted, she said I’m worthless and had no right to be in her life, so I wasn’t. It’s not my fault she’s not like her siblings.
We agreed to disagree, but they clearly aren’t happy with me and say that I need to grow up and that she was the child, not me.
I know I’m not good with children. And I have made mistakes with them, and I certainly wasn’t graceful this time.
But I don’t think this was that bad. She’s constantly making a big deal about me not being her dad, so fine I won’t be. But it is possible I went too far without realizing I guess. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Wear Read Lipstick To My Wedding?
“My (25F) wedding was yesterday.
I was forced to include one of my cousins, F (22F), as a bridesmaid by my parents who paid for her and my aunt (dad’s sister) to attend from India.
Basically, I had already agreed with my bridesmaids and the 2 makeup artists I had hired that they would all have a similar glam look that was lovely but not overshadow my makeup.
I don’t like to wear heavy makeup so even wearing bright lips for my own wedding was off the table for me. We started getting ready at 5 am yesterday and at 7:30 am one of the makeup artists came to me as I was getting my hair done to say that F was insisting she have bright red lips and heavy glittery eye makeup.
F was refusing to leave the chair and let anyone else get ready until she got what she wanted.
After almost half an hour of this, the makeup artist came to tell me this so I had to leave my prep and go tell F to back down and that she would have the approved style like everyone else or she could go bare-faced but I wasn’t paying to be overshadowed by my bridesmaid.
She sulked but eventually allowed the makeup artist to finish her look and move to the next person.
Her antics ended up making us late to the venue as we got caught in traffic, and my dad who was at the venue early kept calling me to ask where the bridal party was.
I thought I was justified in telling her how to do her makeup since it’s MY wedding and I paid for her outfit and makeup looks for the week of festivities.
I should be relaxing with my husband right now but I woke up this morning to messages from my dad, aunt, F, and her siblings saying that I’m controlling and a bully and I ruined her first experience of coming to the UK.
I really don’t think I am so AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Husband's Sister A House?
“A few years ago my husband took on a new job. It was for a small, start-up business and he took a massive pay cut to do it because he loved what he was working on.
It meant long hours so I willingly took on all the household responsibilities so he could work to the best of his abilities, took on all the responsibilities with our kids and I also brought some income in with a small side job of my own.
His hard work has paid off for us, this business has taken off and it looks to make a fair bit of money, more than we have ever had and my husband has gotten a substantial pay increase from it, as well as a share of the company and his boss paid him a huge bonus, he also got a few other perks like a company car.
We are currently building our dream home. We were also planning to invest some of the funds so we had something aside for our retirement.
MIL came to us the other day and told us that SIL needs to move.
She is currently renting but the only properties available near her kid’s school are for sale, not rent. She said we could afford to buy SIL a new house and have SIL pay off the house to us. My husband was on the fence with the idea, he thinks SIL deserves a break, she has health issues and could use the help but I didn’t agree.
I said SIL is great and responsible but I don’t like making these kinds of financial deals with family. They always go sideways and I’m not 100% on board with the idea. I mentioned before we do anything, I’d like to contact our accountant and lawyer, so we can see any issues that may arise from an arrangement like this.
It will also mean that our investment idea won’t be able to happen.
MIL freaked out at me and told me that it was my husband’s money, not mine and I’m just being a gold digger. I have no rights to any of it and my husband can spend it any way he wants, I have no say.
She said my husband worked hard for this bonus, not me. Apparently, she always thought I was money hungry and this money is allowing my true colors to show. SIL needs help and he should help family. She told me I’m a greedy jerk that only cares about money.
Once she left she texted my husband he needs to consider a divorce because I’ll keep a tight leash on finances that are rightfully his and won’t let him spend it how he sees fit, she also said he needs to get a good family lawyer to take the kids away from me or I’ll use that as leverage to take more of his funds.
I also feel I need to add that when I met my husband he had a retail job, which he quit and I supported him while he finished his education. I supported him when he had a crappy job when his boss paid him nothing.
It’s never been about money for me, but now we have it. I just want to be careful.
AITJ?”
11. WIBTJ If I Consider Kicking Out Everyone From My House?
“I have a wife and three kids. 2 years ago my wife and I bought a house, it’s relatively large and spacious and also includes a guest house.
It is also our first house, I was the first one in my family to buy a house as we’ve never had that before. Both my and my wife’s families grew up very poor, and we managed to get ourselves into a relatively comfortable lifestyle having successful careers.
At the time, my mother and her partner were living in a pretty bad area, so I told my mom I’d get her out of there as soon as I was able to. We got the house and moved her into the guest house immediately.
After crunching the numbers on bills, we settled at a $1200 a month flat rate for her and her partner to stay with us, which overall is cheaper than their old apartment.
A couple of months go by at the new house and my wife’s dad loses his job.
Well, we had a spare bedroom and moved him in with us free of charge so he could get on his feet. About 6 months into the new house, my sister gets really sick and can no longer work. She and her 3 boys move in.
I am now supporting an entire second family who is living with me for free, plus my wife’s dad who is now working.
2 years later, all of them are still living with us. A year ago my mom informed me that she and her partner couldn’t afford the $1200 rate we agreed to and asked to lower it to $800 a month.
I agreed. My sister still can’t work, however, she also has substance abuse issues which I believe are causing, or at least definitely not helping, her inability to work and her sickness. I have already had to kick her out once but my mom insisted that she move back in because she’s worried if we don’t take care of her then she’ll end up dead somewhere.
My wife and I have been together for 7 years, one of the goals we set was to ensure our kids do not grow up like we did in poverty. We managed to achieve that and get a dream house, however, have not had any chance to actually enjoy the house to ourselves because there are so many people.
My kids barely have space of their own in this house we bought for them to do just that… I just got an email this morning that electricity rates have doubled in my renewal notice, gas and groceries are up, and natural gas is up on the house.
My mom is the only one contributing, and my wife and I are going crazy. I’m planning a family meeting tonight with everyone to talk, but I want everyone gone.
My mom’s partner makes decent money as well, she will be taken care of.
My wife’s dad has a job, I’m sure he’ll be fine. My sister and her boys are the only ones I’m worried that I’m kicking out to the streets. I know this is probably going to be a huge argument and chances are I’m going to alienate my sister and my mom by doing this.
WIBTJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Paired With A Guy I Don't Like?
“When it comes to weddings from where I come from, bridesmaids and groomsmen are basically coupled off. During the wedding, you are paired off with him, expected to eat with him, dance with him, etc. It gets complicated if one or both are married to other people.
Lots of couples use this opportunity to play ‘matchmaker’ for their single friends and family.
Back in university, ten years ago, I shared an apartment with seven other students. Within a few weeks, everyone coupled off with each other except Gerard.
He wanted to go out with me because we were in the same science program and I liked anime. Gerard is nice, but I didn’t find him attractive nor could I stand him. Unfortunately, everyone kept hankering on me to give him a chance since ‘I wasn’t going to find anyone else’.
I always resented my university friends for trying to set me up with Gerard and giving me crap when I expressed that I liked guys who were ‘out of my league’. Every time I got turned down, they always suggested I go out with Gerard since he loves me and I should give him a chance.
We graduated and went our separate ways. I lived abroad for a while, realized I actually preferred women, and got engaged to Maria. Sadly, Maria passed away six years ago. I have not come out to anyone from my home country for obvious reasons.
They all think I’m still a spinster.
Recently, my old university classmates Tim and Anna announced they are getting married and they want all of us flatmates to be their bridesmaids and groomsmen. They all got with each other and are still together from university… except me and Gerard.
When I found out that Gerard could be my groomsman/partner, I bowed out.
Apparently, it’s not the right move because everyone is blowing up my social media and telling me to give him a chance. He’s got a good job and lost a lot of weight, so he’s not the fat gross nerd from uni.
But to be honest, I still resent them for trying to pair me off with him and it’s clear that they’re just trying to get us back together because he still holds a torch for me and I am single.
I miss Maria and wish she were here. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Giving Feedback Regarding My Friend's Book?
“Anna (35f) and I (35f) became friends about ten years ago through an online writing group before either of us was published. Since then, our writing careers have gone in very different directions.
My first book was published in 2017 with a traditional publishing house and did fairly well. My second book came out a year later and did even better. Since then I’ve had a book come out each year and I’ve made a comfortable living for myself.
I’ve been fortunate to get a good advance for each of my books (I regularly get six-figure deals) and I’ve landed on several bestselling lists. I know timing and luck play a role, but I’ve also worked extremely hard, put in the time, and I’ve become rather successful in my genre.
Anna hasn’t.
She’s a busy mom and she complains that she doesn’t have as much time as me to ‘sit and daydream’. I’m a mom too, but she has more kids, so I understand it can be hard.
She eventually finished her book about six months ago and asked me if I could refer her to my agent.
I told her the truth – my agent doesn’t represent that genre. (Anna writes historical fiction, and I write YA fantasy). This upset her and she said I wasn’t being supportive. I tried to compromise by telling her I’d read her book and provide some feedback.
I’ve worked with several professional editors and thought I could maybe help her ‘level up’ before she queried her book to agents.
She gladly accepted and I read her book, providing feedback. This backfired. Badly. After she read my notes she said I was horribly mean and didn’t understand her genre.
She might have a point – I don’t regularly read her genre. And my notes WERE probably harsher than she was used to. Her writing needed a lot of work.
She didn’t talk to me for almost six months after that.
At all. Then a few days ago she contacted me to say she didn’t have luck with agents so she’d self-published her book herself on Amazon and she wanted me to give a blurb. (A blurb is like a testimonial, or a glowing review, from a more well-known author that usually gets put on the cover.
So readers see the blurb and think ‘Oh, my favorite author recommends this book, I’ll give it a chance’).
I told her no because a blurb from a YA fantasy author wouldn’t make much sense for an adult historical fiction novel.
My readers aren’t her audience.
This time she really got upset with me and said she couldn’t believe I was such an awful friend. She said she couldn’t believe I had so much privilege and success but I wasn’t willing to help lift lesser-known writers.
(We’re both white, just for your information). She said I was showing my true colors and dropping my oldest friends because I’d let success get to my head. I got upset too and said she wasn’t entitled to the same level of success as me just because she’d written one book and self-published it when I’d spent years building my career.
AITJ for what I said or should I have done more to help her out?”
8. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Mom's Birthday Dinner?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I have been using the used car my parents gave me when I was 17.
It is about 16 years old and I wanted to buy a new car. My partner surprised me on my birthday by taking me car shopping. We bought a used 2018 Camry. It is a lot to spend on a birthday gift but he reassured me it is something he wanted to do for a long time.
Last week, I visited Mom for her birthday. She and Dad were hosting a small dinner for just our family. It started off well and everybody was having a good time. My mom brought up my new car and said it was nice.
I agreed and talked about how considerate and thoughtful my partner is but my mom was frowning.
My sister joked that people would think I was a gold digger. I wanted to laugh it off but then my mom started to rant.
She said it was very unseemly to accept such a large gift and publicize it. She said people will probably talk about me and laugh about her daughter becoming a gold digger who married someone just for money.
I was too shocked to say anything at first but I realized the things she was saying were really messed up.
My sister was clearly enjoying it and dad didn’t seem to mind. I told Mom that I didn’t have to deal with her nonsense and I didn’t care what others thought of my relationship. I left and my sister tried to stop me.
My sister texted me later that Mom was just ranting and I shouldn’t take it seriously and it ruined the mood when I left. She said I always make everything about myself.
I feel like I should have communicated instead of running away.
I know my mom is being awful but she is a very sensitive person and someone probably said something to her and she is just lashing out.”
7. AITJ For Telling People The Reason Why My Husband And I Divorced?
“I (F39) was married to my ex (M42) for 19 years before we got divorced (This was a Muslim arranged marriage).
We have 4 kids (F13, M15, F16 twins).
Before we got divorced I had found his mobile phone and seen some strange messages from someone with some explicit comments about nights out and how they are looking forward to meeting up next, (the name on the phone was generic Alexi).
I left the phone on the bed and went and spoke to a friend of mine the next day who also knew my husband and said he would find out who this Alexi was after work. As it turns out, Alexi was a man and my husband had been having an affair with him (this was outside their workplace and they were co-workers).
I confronted my husband and he told me that the only reason he married me was to get his parents and family off his back and that he had been seeing other men over the years (Alexi for the last 3 and half years).
He said it was a relief that he could finally tell me and that he wanted me to stay with him so his family would not cut him off along with the kids.
I kicked him out and filed for divorce.
The divorce took a few months and he did fight it and tried to keep the marriage intact (this was a sham marriage from the start). At one point he told me not to tell the kids why this was happening and just tell them that our marriage was not working out.
I told him they have a right to know and told them about the affairs and the reason. His parents asked me and I told the truth.
His family has disowned him. His extended family has disowned him and his kids will not speak to him.
(he can’t return to his country as being gay is against the law and he risks being arrested)
He told me I have ruined his life and that he has no family anymore and he is on his own. I told him it’s not my problem as he has used me for 19 years and that I was nothing more than an instrument to keep his family at bay because of his s*******y.
His friends have called me a jerk for exposing him to his family and community and making him an outcast to everyone that he cared about and making his kids resent him and want nothing to do with him.”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Sister To Live With Us?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years. It’s been rough and about a month ago, we finally got our own place, just the two of us.
I’m really proud and excited. It’s a small apartment (1br/1ba), but it’s a nice, great neighborhood, all modern, and furnished. However, since moving in, his sister has been here for probably 20 nights out of 30. She’s shown up at our doorstep crying that she got dropped off and has nowhere to go, so I welcomed her into my home, I don’t have a problem with her, and would probably enjoy hanging out with her if she didn’t show up to my house and stay and stay and stay.
She eats more food than my partner and me, she smokes up our packs, and between those things and a few bucks for this or that emergency. I know how hard it is to get back on one’s feet, but she doesn’t even try.
When I run low on food or money she bails and goes on to the next person, and it always seems like some small thing (clothes, shoes) goes missing with her. She comes back to my house a few days later, fed, with packs of smoke, brand new clothes, shoes, etc.
I feel like she’s taking advantage of me. We talked to her about simple boundaries like, don’t call/show up in the middle of the night. Last night she calls back to back to the point we woke up and my partner is worried something is wrong.
Nope, she just says she’s ‘coming home’, and when he says ‘Sis, it’s the middle of the night’, she responds in a rude tone, ‘Can I just give you some money or buy some food or something?’
BUT she refuses to actually put in any money or buy any food, knowing that we’re on a tight budget, she says she will, but anytime she gets money she just dips out and comes back when she’s run out.
My partner feels bad because it’s his little sister, but it’s not like she’s starving or on the street without us! No one cared or checked in or helped us when we were not doing well, and in the past, when we were struggling, she stole some MAJOR items from us without a second thought.
I do feel bad, but I want to enjoy our first home together, TOGETHER. Not with someone on my couch who acts entitled and has a bad attitude and leaves when I don’t have a fridge full of food, or money to go do things.
I feel disrespected and used.
Also, I make 100% of the income, do all the grocery shopping, regular shopping, and make all the financial choices. I try to involve my partner but he doesn’t really show much interest in those things.
Which I’m fine with, but I feel like if he wants to support his grown sister, he should get a job or at least set some boundaries and ENFORCE them.
But he’s worried that she’s a girl and doesn’t want her running around ‘the streets’ by herself.
AITJ?”
5. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To Hawaii With My In-Laws?
“This January my FIL passed away. I, my husband, and our child flew back to our home state to support family and attend the funeral. I am lucky enough to work from home so I didn’t have to lose money while we traveled at that time.
MIL decided to do a family-only funeral, although the ashes were not yet ready to do a ‘celebration of life’. It was honestly a very beautiful event. However, after the event, it was mentioned that when the family receives his ashes we will spread them somewhere he loved.
MIL got TONS of support, monetary wise, and through life insurance so she offered to pay for all her children, their spouses, and kids to go to Hawaii for 11 days, staying on the beach, to spread his ashes. I agreed that we would go, and I could work from there as well since I can’t really afford to take 11 days off.
A week ago, I overheard my husband on the phone with his brother booking flights, and he sounded concerned, something about the cost. After he was done with the call I asked him if his mom had sent payment for the tickets yet (again since she had said she’ll pay for us all to go).
My husband then told me his mom decided that she wanted to save the money and retire early, and therefore she won’t be paying for the trip anymore.
I asked if we were still going, and he said of course she already booked things.
I hesitantly asked how much it would cost us to go now and he said 5 grand if we don’t stay full-time.
Full stop. We cannot afford that, that’s everything we have saved in our emergency acct and then some.
I told him that we cannot afford that. He told me his mom already booked everything and that nothing is refundable so we owe her the 5 grand…
I may be the jerk for this part, but I refused. I said that the original agreement of her paying was why I agreed and we can’t just spend 5k out of nowhere and if she wanted us to go to Hawaii also then she shouldn’t have pushed us to spend money on same-day flights home for the funeral (which were VERY expensive).
My husband said we’re still going and I am adamant I do not want to go since the original agreement is no longer the case. I told him he could go alone to save funds but he refused and said that if our child and I aren’t there then there is no point in him going.
AITJ if I refuse to go?”
4. AITJ For Taking My Siblings To A Hotel?
“In total, there are 6 of us. Ziarah (27f), Camron (21m), me (19f), Novin (16m), Aven (16m), & Nia (13f). Ziarah has drinking problems which affect all of us. She gets aggressive and rude when she does. Ziarah doesn’t want help and my mom still has no clue how to help her even after several years.
Anyways, Camron and I have this thing where we stay with friends on the weekends since we don’t have to get our younger siblings to school or make them dinner since our mom works late. We all knew Ziarah had bought liquor again sometime during the week and was planning to binge over the weekend.
Since we would be gone I told Nia to stay in our room so as to not deal with her. Ziarah and Nia share a room, the twins share one, and Camron and I share one.
A few hours after leaving, I get a call from the twins.
Apparently, Ziarah had said some stuff to Nia that got her to the point of crying. What really surprised me tho was hearing our mom’s voice. I was confused because I thought she was supposed to be working late. Before I could ask, Novin put down the phone and I could hear our mom yelling at the twins for being lazy and bad brothers.
She then started telling Nia something along the lines of ‘There goes the waterworks’. It was quiet again after a few moments when Aven picked up the phone instead and asked if I could come home since our mom was drinking too.
I agreed and drove all the way back home. I walked into the house and could hear our mom and Ziarah yelling from all the way upstairs. To be honest, I didn’t want to get in between that so I had the twins and Nia grab what they needed and we’d go stay at a hotel.
The next morning, our mom called me and started going off on me for taking her kids away from her and that I had no right to. She called me some names including a jerk. I tried to tell her it was only bc she drank but she wouldn’t listen.
She told me I kidnaped my siblings and I laughed which was a bad idea but oh well. I took my siblings to Ihop before we went home. My mom took my keys away as punishment. I feel kinda bad now that I think about it, my mom was probably worried. AITJ for leaving with my siblings and making my mom worried?”
3. AITJ For Having An Opinion About My In-Laws' Child Support?
“My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was 13. He went with FIL and saw his mom a couple of times a year from then on. Though we rarely see MIL, she is being a pain in the butt about the wedding, so I have grown to dislike her and might be biased here.
We recently had dinner with FIL and his family. FIL’s brother was going on about how unfair the courts are and how much child support he has to pay. He then looked at FIL, laughed, and said FIL did the smart thing, married a rich lawyer, and then took the kid, so MIL must have paid out her butt in child support.
(MIL is the rich lawyer. FIL didn’t leave her for anyone.)
FIL tried to brush it off but said that she never paid. Everyone at the table was horrified and told him he should sue her. FIL said he didn’t want her to pay.
His brother’s partner said that was sexist and that as a woman, she should still have to pay.
FIL finally got annoyed and said he felt so guilty about the affair that he wanted to make it up to her.
He also felt he pressured her into having my fiancé, so he asked if it would make her life easier and help her heal, if he took their son, and she could just pretend it didn’t happen. He said that was his parting gift, and he is glad he did it because MIL deserved to get something out of his affair.
I was horrified. I feel that wasn’t FIL’s decision and that money belonged to my fiancé. I voiced my opinion and FIL glared at me and said MIL was the victim of his infidelity and deserved one good thing. I said that wasn’t his decision to make and that he robbed his son.
FIL told me to stop and it is none of my business. I didn’t say anything else, but I guess I couldn’t really control my face because I was shocked that FIL could do that, and disgusted that he used his son as a bargaining chip to ease his guilt.
This conversation somehow got back to MIL. I’m pretty sure I know who told her, but she went off on a rant about me and apparently hates me now.”
2. AITJ For Being Angry At My Daughter's Father For Taking Her To A Football Game?
“I (32f) have a 12-year-old daughter. She splits time between my house and my ex-husband’s (her father’s) house.
Her father is a huge American football fan and liked the local team. My daughter also is a fan of that team, and on Sundays, she’s at my house and will watch their games and FaceTime with her father.
Tonight their favorite team is playing a playoff game. It is my night with my daughter.
About a week ago my ex messaged me and asked if he could pick up our daughter so he could take her to the game.
When I checked the weather it was supposed to be freezing (at/below 0F), so I said I wouldn’t be comfortable with her actually going to the game but if he wanted they could watch the game together at his house.
He agreed and said they wouldn’t be going to the game and picked her up last night.
Today I saw on one of our friends’ social media that she, him, and a few other people were going to the game, and my daughter was as well.
I immediately was mad at him and sent him a message asking where they were and if he was taking her to the game.
He said he was, and that he had gotten really good tickets for a cheap price and ‘couldn’t’ turn them down.
I told him he had no right to lie to me about what he was doing with my daughter and that that was the last time we were rearranging our times with her.
He said I was overreacting and she wanted to go and was looking forward to it.
He said I was making a big deal out of nothing and he could do whatever he wanted.
I was still very upset and told him was risking our daughter’s health for a football game and that he was being an awful coparent.
He didn’t respond except for telling me I was being ridiculous.
AITJ for being upset?”
1. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Daughter's Decision To Get Married?
“My daughter Hannah (23f) is a medical student. She lives alone in a rental apartment while seeing her partner Tom (26).
Tom has a medical chronic condition that needs to be managed constantly. He’s a good guy and treats us and Hannah well but seeing Hannah having to sometimes take care of his condition is just… it affects her school and consumes her time.
Last week, Hannah surprised us by announcing that she and Tom got engaged. She made the announcement while visiting us and her dad and I were in dismay. She noticed and asked, I had to be honest and told her that she made a hasty decision to get engaged to Tom… knowing he has a medical condition that needs constant managing, which will fall on her especially when she moves in with him.
She should be focusing on school for now. She was shocked but my husband agreed with me and said this wasn’t a wise decision. Tom looked down for a minute then excused himself outside. Hannah got mad and said that Tom’s condition doesn’t affect or hold her back, not even one bit, and said that I was out of line to imply that Tom was taking advantage of her and that their getting engaged was a mistake.
I explained to her that getting engaged and eventually marrying a person with a medical condition requires commitment and dedication and frankly… I don’t see my daughter becoming her partner’s caregiver, despite her having knowledge about his condition. She shamed me and my husband for saying this in front of Tom then took her purse and walked out.
We called and called later but she was still mad at us. Eventually, I said what I said because I was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was aware of what she was signing herself up to.
Yes, Tom is functional and can do most things by himself but I’m more worried about the future cause it can be unpredictable.”
