People Want To Be Told The Truth About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom?
“I (22F) grew up poor with my single mother. I turned to addiction when I was 14 and was in and out of rehab until I was 18. It was an extremely hard time and most of it was a blur.
The one thing I know for sure was that my mum did nothing for me except fuel my addiction. She only sent me to rehab because it meant she didn’t have to ‘look after’ me when I was gone.
I was lucky enough to meet a guy who helped me to finally get sober, and back on my feet. I lived with him for a bit while I got a job and saved up enough to finally rent a place of my own.
It’s a modest apartment, but I have a steady income and have even started doing an online course to get a degree. It’s not an amazing situation, but considering the state I was in four years ago it’s the best I could have hoped for.
Around a week ago my mum turned up at my house. I hadn’t spoken to her since I finished school and never planned to. Honestly, I’d half thought she died over the years. Apparently, she got my address from some friends.
She told me that she was homeless, and needed a place to stay until she found somewhere else. It was clear she was still using. I asked her about it, and she made it very clear she had no interest in getting clean.
On top of all of that, she tried to bribe me with some pills she had. And yes, she knows that I am clean.
I told her even if I wanted her there, having an active addict in the same house as a recovering one is setting me up for failure.
I am not prepared to go down that road again. It took me so long to fix my life, I’m not throwing it away for some woman who neglected me my whole childhood. She started screaming at me, saying I was selfish and stuck up and that since she was my mum, I owed her my life.
I shut the door on her and threatened to call the police when she didn’t go. She eventually did, and I haven’t heard from her since.
I want to have a good relationship with her, but I just don’t think I can possibly live with the very person who almost destroyed my life, and I’m not going to risk my recovery for her.
So, AITJ for refusing to let my homeless mother stay at my house?”
35. AITJ For Yelling At My Family For Letting A Kid Use My Phone?
“I work in the film industry in LA as a Production Assistant on big-budget shoots and as a cam-op/editor and in many other roles on low-budget productions.
I’ve been doing PA work, creating videos for up-and-coming artists, and small companies, and working on low-budget films for about 2 years since I graduated from film school.
I’ve been waiting for a big break in my career and had my shot at that ruined by family members yesterday.
I was at my family’s house where my mom’s side of the family was with us for dinner. My phone was snatched out of my hands so my 9-year-old cousin could play games and not bug the people cooking.
I was told to deal with it and I reluctantly agreed to avoid an argument.
10 minutes later I heard my phone blowing up with texts and a FaceTime started coming in but my cousin immediately declined the call. I told him to give it back but he refused and ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
I knocked on the bathroom door and kept pounding harder as he refused to open it. My mom told me to relax but that only made me mad because I literally had my property stolen from me to entertain a child while I was receiving calls.
I hoped to god that it wasn’t anyone important but lo and behold when he came out and I snatched it back from him (not without him whining ‘hEeeEyYyyY’) it turned out to be the manager of a major artist I met and shown some of my work trying to reach out asking if I could shoot an impromptu video for this major artist that night.
I tried to call him back but he texted me they found someone else.
At this point, I was so angry and confronted them.
The conversation went like this:
Me: Hey remember how I told you I met (artist’s name) manager at a party last week?
Mom: Yeah, and?
Me: Well he was just trying to call me but I was denied access to my phone because it was stolen from me and locked away to entertain (cousin).
Aunt: Oh come on I really doubt he was trying to reach out to you.
There are thousands of people who do your job in LA but he called you over all of them?
Me: Actually he was and he did reach out to me over all of them. I’d show you the call log and texts but your inability to parent your child is making me wonder if you also have an inability to read.
I was called disrespectful and told to apologize. I snapped and screamed ‘WHEN I TELL SOMEONE TO GIVE ME MY PHONE, THAT MEANS GIVE ME MY PHONE RIGHT NOW! I OWN IT, I PAY FOR IT, AND I USE IT TO COMMUNICATE WITH FRIENDS WITH AND FOR WORK.
IT IS FOR ME, NOT FOR A CHILD TO USE SO HIS MOTHER AND AUNT DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM! YOU JUST COST ME A BIG OPPORTUNITY THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING AT FOR YEARS BECAUSE OF YOUR LAZINESS AND THIS KID’S ENTITLEMENT.’
By the end of my rant, my cousin was crying, my mom and aunt were looking at me wide-eyed and jaws hanging. I was told by my mom to get out and not come back until I was ready to apologize to everyone.
The thing is I don’t plan on apologizing so I guess I won’t be going to see family at that house anymore.
AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Leave My Wedding Over A Joke About Divorce?
“My mom and I used to have a good relationship but she doesn’t really mesh with my new wife, so she pulled away a lot. I did stand up for my wife when there was an issue (not too often) but my mom seems ok with the distance and says she just feels weird around us and it’s probably best not to push it.
This seems like a weird thing for a mother to say, but she’s always been kind of emotionally immature.
My mom was of course invited to my wedding. She had no part in the planning or anything because their taste could not be more polar opposite and I really hadn’t seen her in a while due to being busy.
She was nice and polite and everything went smoothly, but someone overheard my mom’s husband make a joke that he gives us two years and my mom responded that she felt we would divorce or that our relationship would just suck because we fed each other cake with forks.
My mom admitted it was just her pet peeve (which is why I might be overreacting) but said she hates when couples do that and it seems so cold and robotic.
I did confront my mom and she laughed and asked if we had people spying on her.
I said a friend of my wife’s overhead and let me know so I could handle it and asked why she would joke like that. My mom said she was just talking to a few people and it might be irrational but everyone has those little irrational things and she thinks feeding with a fork just looks so sad and cold.
I told her she needed to leave because she disrespected the wedding. She said ok and left without an issue but I did try to communicate a week later and she only gives one-word answers and other family members have said I’m a jerk.”
33. AITJ For Making My Mother-In-Law Pay For The Damages To My Dad's Old Mustang?
“My MIL is a stage 2 hoarder, stage 1 for me is keeping unnecessary things and creating clutter (minor go-paths), stage 2 is hoarding trash but not enough that passes the knees. 3 is hoarding both but passing the knees. 4 is both and reaches the waist, and 5 is having to walk over things to get to a certain spot in the house amongst the go-paths.
(My opinion)
My in-laws own a townhouse that is separated into 3 units, one tenant is a stage 5, and you can see everything stacked against the windows and the garbage on the small balcony on the second floor. The other tenant is very clean, and the 3rd is my in-laws.
My MIL has hoarded the living room and my (extremely disabled with a cane) FIL has to climb over things to get to his chair, so I offered up our finished basement to them so my MIL could clean up the house, I trusted that she would keep my basement clean out of basic respect so I never thought to make sure it was clean, my mistake.
They’ve been living with us for 6 months, and she’s at stage 4 in my basement. I immediately broke down and started yelling, I told her she needs to clean my basement up in 3 months, or she’s back in her own hoard, and 3 months later, nothing has changed. I found out she extended her hoard into my garage (it has a wall in between the ports so I didn’t know about it) and also found out she started to fill her car and my dad’s old Mustang that’s been under a cover for almost a year, which promoted mice and rodents and has destroyed the car.
After I saw that, I kicked her out, and back into her hoard she went.
I let my FIL stay since he’s physically unable to contribute to the hoard. I cleaned out everything and got all the mice and rodents out of the car, but it was still left destroyed. I had it all fixed and reupholstered and sent her a bill for all the damage in the mail.
My BIL is calling me petty and I can afford to fix it so she doesn’t need to pay for it. I told him and her that she’s lucky that I didn’t make her pay for the damage she caused to my basement and that paying for the car is the bare minimum.
It’s caused a lot of stress and conflict between the family but I don’t think I’m in the wrong.
Edit: Don’t assume that I just forgot my MIL is a hoarder. I trust my MIL, just trusted her a little too much.
I had hopes that she would change. She told me before I let her move in that she’d never let it get as bad as her house, and yes, I believed her. I wasn’t going to just say no, deal with it to my family.
I trusted her and she broke that trust. Her oldest daughter who is a licensed therapist has offered countless times to get her help and set her up with a colleague.”
32. AITJ For Giving The Kids Frozen And Spiderman Lunchboxes?
“I (29F) have a daughter, Evie. Evie recently turned 6 so we invited her friends over for a birthday party. I found these cute lunch sets that came with a lunchbox and water bottle on sale, so instead of having plates of food set out and the kids grabbing stuff, I thought it’d be fun if each kid got a lunchbox filled with food and juice in the bottle, and they could take the box/bottle home (also easier for me to clean up, and there was extra food and drinks if the food in the box wasn’t enough).
I bought Frozen lunchboxes for the girls and Spider-Man for the boys.
The day came, all the kids had a blast and when it was time for lunch I gave them the lunch sets. I did grab a couple of extras in case the kids wanted the other lunchbox (so if a girl wanted spider man, vice versa) but no one said anything and they all seemed over the moon with it.
The issue started when one of the kids’ mums came and saw that the girls had Frozen lunchboxes and the boys Spiderman. She asked me if I did that on purpose, to which I replied that yes, I bought Frozen for girls and Spiderman for boys because I thought it’d be cute.
She went on to say that I was ‘enforcing gender norms on impressionable young children’ and ‘stuck in the 1900s’.
At this point, I was a bit baffled and said that it was not my intention at all, and if her daughter wanted the spider man set I would be more than happy to give it to her since I had extras.
She said that’s not the point and I shouldn’t have been giving out things based on gender in the first place. I just told her that it’s not really that deep, to which she huffed and took off. I thought about it and am wondering if it was a bad idea to have ‘gendered’ lunch sets and give stereotypical girl things to the girls and stereotypical boy things to the boys.
AITJ?
Edit: I had two chairs, one with Frozen sets and one with Spidey sets, and I was standing in the middle. I told the kids to form a line and when they came up they just pointed to which one they wanted, which ended up being all the girls went for Frozen and the boys went for Spidey.
The reason I handed them out instead of leaving them out on a table for them to grab was that I didn’t want the kids to fight over one another to try and get food, I thought it’d be easier if I gave them out one by one.”
31. AITJ For Boosting Someone's Confidence By Using A Feminine Voice?
“I (18m) was with my significant other Grace (18f). She told me she wanted to go look for some clothes for summer so I said I’d take her to Marshalls and stuff and we’d get lunch. I was browsing the guy stuff and I didn’t really find too much I liked because everything was just gym clothes so I went by the dressing rooms because Grace was inside trying on outfits.
I could hear this older woman kind of being really mean to this girl who I was guessing was my sister’s age like 12 or 13. The woman was saying stuff like ‘That outfit is too suggestive’ and ‘That doesn’t fit… get off your butt instead of sitting in front of your phone all day it could fit’ and then a bunch of stuff like that.
I felt really bad for the girl especially when they came out and her face was all cloudy and she looked like she was gonna cry. I don’t know why I did what I did next…
I popped my hip out and kind of yelled ‘GIRLLLL where did you get that top from?
YOU! ARE! A! WHOLE! LOOK!’ and I did some weird stuff with my hand and went ‘UGHHH I wish I had hair like that, SLAY baby girl.’ I don’t know, it was just the first thing I could think of to say.
The girl kind of giggled and did that thing girls do where they’re kind of embarrassed but really proud at the same time. The mom had this ‘Who the heck’ look on her face.
Then I saw behind them Grace had come out too and she was standing there with her mouth hanging open and she was mouthing ‘what the heck’ at me with big eyes.
I just grabbed like a bottle of skincare, I don’t know, and speed-walked out of there. Grace came after me and was like WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!
I tried to explain to her what the mom was saying to that girl was mean and Grace said she heard them too and she was shocked I said something but then she said that putting on ‘that voice’ and saying those things was kind of messed up and it felt wrong to her.
I tried to tell her that I think I did it because I didn’t want the mom to think I was a creep trying to be weird at her daughter but she just said it was weird and to not do it again.
She isn’t liked mad-mad at me or anything but I am kind of curious if I am the jerk or not for doing the voice.”
30. AITJ For Not Throwing A Graduation Party For My Daughter?
“I have three children who I shared custody of. My youngest daughter has graduated high school. But we found out that for 6 months prior, she and her friends had been bullying my stepdaughter at school.
After getting more info from my step-daughter’s friend, apparently, my daughter’s friends instigated the bullying while my daughter would often laugh at her stepsister’s expense. I think this made her just as culpable as her friends. Even if my daughter claims that she can’t control what other people say about her stepsister.
So the consequence of this was to cancel the graduation party I normally throw for my children who graduated.
In the past, I have had an aunt who gave each child a $40,000 cheque to use for their college. It’s been a huge help because my ex and I aren’t well off.
She gave these cheques at the graduation parties.
For my daughter, my aunt asked when we’d have the party so she can give the cheque. I told her we weren’t planning a party as a consequence. She understood and said she’d bring the cheque when we met up in the future.
Unfortunately, my aunt passed away a month after what should’ve been the party date. We never got to meet her before then.
And her children are denying the existence of any cheque for my daughter, which may well be the case.
This has created a huge conflict between my daughter and myself.
She had been counting on the money to live on her own closer to campus and take out significantly fewer loans.
But now, she’s going to have to live at home and take out loans.
I’ve co-signed these loans for her because I feel terrible about it. I’ve tried talking to her about it and how I wish it hadn’t gone this way but she’s completely iced all of us out.
She moved down into our basement and doesn’t come up anymore.
She hasn’t talked to me, my wife, or my stepdaughter since.
I do feel very badly that she lost out on the gift and I feel very guilty about it. But I truly felt that I was giving a proper consequence at the time.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend She Can't Bring Her Kid To My Bachelorette Trip?
“I (23f) am getting married in January of 2023. My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party and now I am obsessed with the idea.
The issue is that she is refusing to go out of state for 3 days without her 2-year-old daughter. I am not a mom and I know she will miss her for those few days. I would have no issue with this if she had no one to watch her, but she has a husband and plenty of trustworthy family members who I know would love to watch her daughter.
I feel like she is making my special moment about her. She begged and hoped to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and I ultimately chose to ask her to be one even after I was incredibly hurt when she didn’t put me in her own wedding and now I feel like she isn’t doing what she is supposed to be doing as a bridesmaid.
I also want to state that I had a prior issue with her regarding wanting my wedding to be child-free. She told me that I was ‘asking her to choose between her child and her best friend’ even though she was going to be without her for only one night!
I eventually just asked her if she wanted her daughter to be my flower girl so that she could still be at the wedding in order to solve that conflict.
I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life instead of doing what I actually want.
I ended up talking to her and told her I was really sad and felt a trip isn’t a good idea anymore (even though I really want to take one) because if I tell her she can bring her kid on my Bach trip then I’ll have to let my other family members/bridal party members bring their kids.
I can’t tell one person yes and the other person no. I told her that it wouldn’t even feel like a Bach trip at that point, it would feel like a family vacation. She just responded with ‘I get what you mean!
It’s okay, we can do something else for your Bach then’.
I am so frustrated. In my opinion, a bachelorette trip is no place for children, especially a 2-year-old. But I still feel like a jerk because she says things like ‘You’re making me choose between you and my child’ when I bring up leaving her daughter out of ANYTHING.
I never have an issue with letting her tag along, I love her like my own. But this one thing should be about me and I feel like I can’t truly do what I want because of her.”
28. AITJ For Canceling The Credit Card?
“I had a credit card that I’d had for ten years.
Two years ago, I added my ex to the card – he has his own card in his name and everything but it’s just linked to my account and I pay for it. He’s been unemployed for two years or so.
When we broke up, I was paying the rent so he had to move out. I gave him a month to find a job (literally, any job) and a new place to live, but at the end of the month, he hadn’t found (or done) anything.
He refused to leave.
Finally, he agreed to exit the premises, on one condition: that I keep open his credit card.
I wanted him to leave so badly at that point, but I acquiesced.
I paid close attention to my credit card statements after that.
What was he buying? Where was he living? He was only spending about $300-400 a week, mostly on food, but also some line items were not immediately apparent what they were, and I thought they might be gas stations for smoking or booze.
I paid it off every time, but considering that this is more than he spent on the card when he was using it while we were together, paying it off was kind of tight each month.
One day I noticed a subscription for $1.00 and I asked him about it.
He said he had no idea. I called the bank and asked them to put a stop payment on the subscription, and they did, but it popped up again the next week. I asked him about it again (maybe he was playing online games?) but he said (warily) that he’d only been buying food and water and living in (his words, not mine) ‘an awful garbage of a shelter’ and then he went on a rant about how hard it is to be homeless and how it was all my fault and I just hung up on him.
I got so sick of seeing a subscription charge every week, after endlessly going back and forth with my bank and them essentially telling me that they have used all their tools and I just need to check my own subscriptions, I was fed up and I canceled the credit card.
I believe I am not the jerk because who honestly believes you’re supposed to completely support your EX (not even married) financially after you’ve broken up? Also, he completely blamed me for his homelessness situation when it was his toxic drinking behaviors and inability to make meaningful changes in his life that led to the dissolution of the relationship.
I might be the jerk because he was completely dependent on the credit card for survival.”
27. AITJ For Wanting My Oldest Son To Move Out?
“My wife (significant other at the time) and I were high school freshmen when we had an accidental pregnancy. We were incredibly stupid and had no idea about proper contraception because of our religious upbringing. And terminating the pregnancy at the time was also not an option due to our religious families.
Our parents decided the best option was to have my wife give birth and have my wife’s childless aunt adopt our son.
But a few months after the adoption was finalized, my wife’s aunt and her husband got into a fight with my wife’s parents and they moved away without telling any of us where.
It was an incredibly traumatic experience. My wife and I ended up distancing ourselves from our parents and went to college far away. We got married after graduating.
We are now in our thirties and we have two daughters who are below 5 years old.
We have good jobs and a comfortable life.
We initially tried looking for our son but gave up after a year. We also had zero legal rights to do anything.
Last fall, we were contacted by our 19-year-old son who was somehow able to find us.
He begged us to let him live with us because his adoptive parents were not treating him well.
We agreed immediately. We felt incredibly guilty that he’d been given such a poor upbringing because of us.
We’ve spent the past few months trying to fix a lot of things.
His education deficiencies and some healthcare appointments are the main focus. He’s refused therapy.
But as hard as we are trying to help, our son is rightfully angry at us. And he shows it frequently. He says very cruel things to us and has upset us to the point of tears several times.
There is a lot of conflict and hostility in the home.
I’ve been able to cope better than my wife, who is mentally suffering. She cries very often. And I’m extremely scared of how all of this is affecting our younger kids.
I felt that we moved our son in too abruptly without a proper plan.
I suggested to my wife that we rent a separate apartment for our son while we make him attend therapy by himself and with us as a family.
And maybe integrate him into our lives at a slower pace.
My wife has refused point blank and is accusing me of trying to abandon our son again. That broke my heart and I haven’t brought it up again.
I just don’t know who else to talk to without sounding like a monster.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Saying No To A Marriage Proposal?
“I (28F) had been with my ex (28M) for 3 years.
He’s amazing, one of the kindest people on this planet, and we’d been pretty happy together (ish.) I’m also a huge workaholic, and a month or two ago he approached me and explained he felt like I wasn’t making time for him and was too obsessed with work.
Okay, well fine. Two other people had told me I was too obsessed with work, and it was honestly kind of logical. I apologized and started making more time for him. Even though he’s amazing, I’ve felt awful in the last month.
Work is quite literally my whole life, and I have a job I’ve been working towards since I was 14, and I love it. I’ve always planned to sacrifice a bit of work for my family because that’s important to me.
However, the more I spent with him in the last month, the more I felt he wasn’t worth it if that makes any sense. I love him dearly, but he’s not the one. He’s not the person I’d give up this stuff for, and as more time passed, I realized it more and more, no matter how much I tried to tell myself he was great.
Two days ago, I finally decided that this relationship was going nowhere, and decided to break up with him. I asked him if we could talk, I had something important to say, but the doorbell rang, and when I opened it I found my two best friends for a surprise visit.
I was in so much shock and was also mildly upset bc I couldn’t really break up with him with my best friends there.
Anyway, long story short he asked if we could continue the convo later, and I agreed, mentally panicking.
The next thing I know, we’re at a fair. We actually went on our first date at that fair, and the whole setup of the night made me panic that he was going to propose.
What do I know, he does propose.
Some other friends of ours and his sister and her family are there, and I’m literally panicking. This guy is on one knee, and I want to break up. I quickly go ‘I’m sorry but no,’ and awkwardly shuffle away.
We talked about getting married once or twice, like months ago. Not at all recently, and even when we did talk about it, I think I said I’d be open to getting married in a year or so. I don’t know, but anyway.
His friend called me up and called me a jerk for rejecting him in front of friends and fam and a bunch of other people, and told me I could have accepted there and dumped him later on. I told him that that idea was garbage, and that I would never do that.
He called me a jerk again, and my ex is refusing to talk to me.
AITJ for humiliating him?”
25. AITJ For Calling The Puppy "Mine," Not "Ours"?
“My partner and I have been together for 7 months now. Last month I bought a puppy and my partner and I took a road trip to pick the puppy up.
Early on my partner told me he felt excluded since I would refer to the puppy as ‘mine’ and not ‘ours’. Note that I paid for the trip, the puppy, vet expenses, food, etc and it wasn’t ever talked about that we would get a puppy together.
However, I started referring to the puppy as ‘ours’ because it was important to him.
I’ve now had the puppy for a month and a half and in passing conversation, I said ‘my puppy’. My partner asked that when I talk to him about the puppy I always refer to it as ‘ours’.
I said no, that I didn’t want to have to always have to say ‘ours’.
This ended up in a big argument. Him asking why I wouldn’t say ‘ours’ all the time and me saying no and asking why it was so important to him.
I told him he was acting possessive and that it shouldn’t matter whether I say ‘mine’ or ‘ours’ in casual conversation.
After thinking it over I decided to set a boundary and explain to my partner that the puppy was my dog but that he was absolutely an important part of the puppy’s life and that it didn’t change anything.
However, I didn’t like the possessiveness so I wanted to be clear about it with him.
My partner says that he feels like I’ve lied to him the entire time about the puppy and he just wants to be involved and included. I’ve said he can still be involved and included without needing the possessive title.
He is now saying that he won’t bond with the puppy because ‘What’s the point, he’s not mine. He’s your dog and will never be mine’.
My mom agreed with me that unless we are living together or married that the dog shouldn’t be considered ours.
I know my partner would pay for half of my puppy’s care and bills, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for the relationship at this point and prefer to keep it separate and my sole responsibility until we’re living together and sharing all expenses, not just the dog’s.
Am I the jerk?”
24. AITJ For Prioritizing My Dying Cat?
“I (25F) have an 18-year-old cat, Misty. I’ve had her for most of my life and she helped me overcome many things such as my parents’ divorce, coming out, my mom’s death, and many more. She’s precious to me and I know she doesn’t have much time left so I go out of my way to spoil her every single day.
2 years ago I got into a relationship with my partner Kara (27F). Kara knew I was a massive cat fan and although she didn’t share my enthusiasm for cats she didn’t mind it.
Last year I offered Kara to move in with me.
I own my own apartment which I inherited from my mother. It’s in a nice location in our town and is close to Kara’s job. She agreed and moved in the following month.
Half a year after moving in Kara fell ill out of the blue, she brushed it off at first saying it was probably nothing but I convinced her to go see a doctor and have some tests done.
The test results came in and we were shocked to discover Kara is allergic to cats. Apparently, she was probably mildly allergic to cats all her life but since she was never exposed to them for a long period of time it was never discovered. Her being exposed to Misty for over a year is what made her allergies much worse.
I’ve talked with Kara about our plans for the future. I offered she could start taking anti-allergy medication (which I said I’ll pay for) but she refused saying she doesn’t want to swallow a pill every day so she can keep living at home, which is valid.
I then asked her when she was going to move out. Kara looked at me confused so I explained that since her living with Misty is what causes her health issues it’ll be better for her to move out.
Kara started arguing with me, claiming I’m ridiculous for suggesting she moves out over a cat.
I told her I’m not going to re-home Misty under any circumstances, and offered she could move in again after Misty passes away eventually, but until then she’ll have to find a different place to live in.
After arguing some more Kara left to sleep at her sister’s place and I’ve been getting calls from mutual friends who caught wind of the situation.
Some were sympathetic while others called me heartless for preferring a dying pet over a living human.
I’m very conflicted over this whole situation and although I feel like I’m doing what’s right and my request isn’t unreasonable I’m afraid I might be a jerk.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Close Relationship With My Mother-In-Law After What She Did?
“My son passed away 3 mo ago due to some medical errors. I had a botched C-section and ended up with an infection which left me on meds for weeks. My SO’s family is from across the country.
My MIL showed up three weeks after our son passed. She came with her husband and my SIL.
We tried to show her around the city however I couldn’t walk much. I also kept crying but doing my best to do it when they weren’t around.
She took us out for a trip to another city, which I didn’t want to go to but did because I knew my SO needed to be around his fam.
They wanted to walk all around the city which I tried my best to do, but was definitely slower than everyone.
The next day we are driving around and I start feeling really sick so when they decide to stop at a bunch of different attractions, I stay in the car.
While I’m in the car I’m seeing babies everywhere start to cry. My SO decides to stay with me in the car, to comfort me. When they get back to the car they can see that I’m upset but don’t say anything.
We then decide to go for lunch and they get out of the car. I can see that my SO is starting to cry, so I stay in the car and hug him and try to comfort him.
His mom then gets back in the car yelling at us about how we are making them feel so uncomfortable because we keep crying.
They also say that clearly they should not have come and we are not appreciating their presence. My SO says he just needs them to be around, not to be on vacation. I interject that I think that what we needed were hugs and fewer activities.
She gets out of the car with her husband and slams the door and finally gets back in and it’s awkward.
We go for lunch after and I try my best to put on a smile as we come back home.
That night, as I go to my mom to let her know that we are back, my MIL comes into our apartment and tells my partner that I was horrible and shouldn’t have meddled in the family affairs. She said that I clearly didn’t want them there and was a negative energy.
She says she wants me to apologize and leaves.
She texts my SO that they are going to grab an early flight, and are leaving that night. My SO calls her crying saying that he needs her there, needs her comfort, and BEGS her not to go.
She still decides that she’s going. I come down to say goodbye to them, and they ignore me and hug my SO and leave.
I text her the night that she left and explain to her how much I appreciated everything that they did for us and told her I wanted to have a good relationship with her.
I also said to her that I felt like we were more looking for hugs and that type of stuff, not so much activities.
She texts him and puts all the blame on me. She tells him that I am keeping him from his family and will get in between all of them, and have him whipped.
This summer, my partner wants to go visit his family. I don’t want to see his mother at all. He says I’m being unreasonable, and needs me to have a good relationship with her and be cordial.”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Cousin A Free Crocheted Cardigan?
“I (38f) crocheted myself a cardigan recently that I really like, and wear often.
I went to visit a cousin (42f) and her daughter (18f) with my mother (71f) and wore the cardigan.
My cousin’s daughter complimented me on it and abruptly asked me to make one for her.
I explained it took me about 40 hours to make mine (it’s fine yarn and pretty long) and that I could send her the youtube tutorial I learned it from.
She starts to tear up a bit and sniffles while telling me ‘That’s not fair, you know I don’t know how to do that kind of stuff’.
I try to gently explain that the youtube tutorial is really good at showing/teaching how.
She’s still looking pouty.
Cousin pipes up at this point saying it would be nice if I could just make her one, that she’s too busy to spend all that time on a sweater bEcAuSe sHe WoRkS.
This hit a nerve with me because my cousin often makes passive-aggressive comments about how I ‘don’t work’ (I’m a stay-at-home mom/work-from-home mom to 3 kids under 8 and have a little home-based business doing tailoring and mending, some crafting, etc).
She doesn’t consider my work to be ‘real work’, and acts like I must live a life of leisure.
Previously I had always bitten my tongue and changed the subject because I didn’t want the drama but I just let it out this time.
I told her I do work, and I do it while caring for 3 children. She LAUGHED and said it hardly pays enough to be considered work.
I lost my temper and told her my finances were none of her business and that she was out of her mind to think she can treat me so rudely while trying to demand hours and hours of my labor for free.
Cousin starts crying at this point and the visit obviously ends.
Afterward, my mom tells me she is very disappointed in me for ‘swearing in front of my cousin’s child’. And that I’m partly to blame for wearing the sweater that started the argument and that I ‘wasn’t polite’.
I flatly told her that was ridiculous, it’s an article of clothing. It’s meant to wear. I have quite a few pieces of clothing I’ve made myself, should I stop wearing them all in case entitled people decide they want me to make them all free clothes?
Anyways now my cousin and cousin’s daughter are thinking I’m the jerk, and my mom thinks we’re all jerks apparently.
AITJ?”
21. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To My Sister's Wedding Because Of My Bar Exam?
“I am on the autism spectrum. I was officially diagnosed when I was a kid and I have done therapy and treatment to help me.
I do admit that I am not always good at understanding feelings. I work hard to try and apologize if I offend or hurt anyone by being insensitive. Therapy helped me to understand that just because I don’t think I was mean doesn’t mean someone wasn’t upset.
I am posting my question to get an answer from strangers who aren’t involved in this problem precisely because I mess up sometimes. So here it is.
Right now I am in law school part-time. I will be done with law school later this year.
I am going to school in D.C. but I am going to move to Virginia when my school is completed. I already have a job lined up there. The bar exam in Virginia is on Tuesday, February 21, and Wednesday, February 22.
My sister emailed and verbally told people a save the date for the wedding for February 19, 2023, which is a Sunday. It was explained to me that the reason for a Sunday instead of a Saturday is because the place they want the wedding to be at was all booked up on Saturdays for well over a year however they had a Sunday opening and since President’s Day is on the Monday and Mardi Gras is on the Tuesday it was fine to have a Sunday wedding.
Everyone besides me who they are inviting lives in Louisiana near them and they are giving people seven months of notice before the wedding date and five months of notice before the invitations are mailed out.
The wedding is two days before the bar exam.
In order for me to go I would have to fly to Louisiana on Saturday and leave Monday morning to get back to Virginia for the exam the next day. If I miss the one in February my next chance to write it is not until five months later in July.
The firm that has offered me a job would hold it if I didn’t pass the bar exam in February so I could try again in July but not if I just missed the exam as opposed to not passing it.
I also need as much time as possible to study.
My sister has already paid for the place she’s having the wedding and sent out save the dates. I know she can’t change it now and I would never tell her she needs to.
I am aware that would be terrible for me to do. I have said I won’t be able to go because of the bar exam conflict. My sister wants me to go and wants me to come but with the exam being close I don’t feel I can.
My sister was so upset when I replied that I’m unfortunately unable to make it. Her future husband and my parents want me to come also and delay taking the bar exam until July instead. But my brother told me I’m not selfish and so did my cousin.
Since I am getting conflicting statements I would like to ask for a neutral second opinion on whether or not I would be a jerk if I didn’t go.”
20. AITJ For Accepting Help From A Neighbor?
“So I (27f) am married to my husband (28m).
I am currently 25 weeks with our first child (it’s a girl!). We moved to a new house so we had more room for the baby. My husband and I were unloading things to take into the house when a box full of books fell right onto my husband’s foot (he’s fine it’s not broken or anything it just really hurt).
Since he got hurt my husband went to sit inside for a little bit. I was continuing moving things and about a half hour later I asked him if he could start helping me again. I was getting really tired and my back was starting to hurt.
Plus the desk still needed to be moved in and it was really heavy. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to lift something that heavy while I’m pregnant. He said his foot still hurt so he couldn’t help me.
I tried to be understanding of that so I went back outside to continue moving things in. It was going to storm soon so I wanted to get everything inside. About 20 minutes later I was still carrying stuff inside (I was going pretty slow because my back was still bothering me) when one of my new neighbors (20s/30sm) walked over and asked if I needed any help.
I gladly accepted his offer so I could get done before the rain. He carried the heavier boxes and I carried the lighter ones. My husband came out and I could tell he seemed upset but I figured his foot was just still hurting.
But he started helping again after I introduced him to the neighbor. He and the neighbor carried in the desk and we got the last few boxes.
I thanked the neighbor and then we went inside. My husband still looked upset so I asked if his foot was still bothering him because I figured I could go to the store and get some ice or something.
He told me that he was upset that I let ‘some guy’ help me with our stuff. I reminded him that he was our new neighbor and he was just trying to be nice. My husband said I made him look bad.
I don’t think I made him look bad. When the neighbor had asked why no one was helping me I explained my husband hurt his foot. I didn’t say he was being lazy or anything. I understand his foot hurt.
I know the box that fell was really heavy. But my husband is still really upset so I’m wondering if accepting his help was the wrong thing to do. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Ex-Wife When She Tried To See My Son?
“My ex-wife split from my son’s life when he was 1. She had fertility problems and we decided on a surrogate, who was a distant friend of ours. We agreed it’d be a traditional surrogate mom, as in she’s the biological mother since we couldn’t use my ex-wife’s eggs, and we’d used my sperm via IUI.
She was very open to helping us and then our son was born. We agreed she could have a small role in his life as a ‘fun aunt’ we would see every so often but legally he was my ex’s child.
My ex realized it wasn’t how she thought it would be. It became pretty evident she didn’t connect with him and because of that, she wasn’t as involved. We did therapy, we tried to figure out how to make things work.
All of it didn’t do anything. First, she wanted to take a break from us to figure out what she wants. Then came wanting a divorce except she didn’t want custody. Just to have visitation.
Months of going after her for child support or pushing her to come to see her child.
She stopped taking my calls. I accepted that I’d be raising my kid on my own.
His (biological) mom spent more time with him. I wanted that so he’d at least have some sort of maternal figure in his life with my ex out.
2 years later we fell in love and started going out. After another 3 years, we got married. We decided she’d adopt him through step-parent adoption. It was a headache going through the legal process since she was the surrogate mother and signed off on her parental rights.
With my consent and then proving my ex abandoned him, we were able to terminate my ex’s rights so his mom can adopt him.
All this time later (my son is 7 now), my ex came back asking to spend time with him now.
My wife and I won’t let her. One because she’s been out so long so he doesn’t know her. The other was her reaction after telling her no. She started telling everyone she left because I had an affair with my now wife and that’s how she got pregnant with our son.
For 3 months it was this whole headache because some family actually believed her. My wife is pregnant with our 2nd child so you can imagine that took a toll on her. She came to our house once apologizing but she just wants to see ‘her’ son after missing out on so much time.
I asked her to leave several times until we got the police involved but it made it worse and she ended up arrested for trespassing.
My ex-MIL (who’s still somewhat involved in his life) was so angry because she had to bail my ex out.
She told me my ex is obviously hurting over her mistake and I just made everything worse instead of being compassionate enough to de-escalate the situation by talking to her. Not only did I hurt my ex more she says, but also just hurt her chances of stability with an arrest on her record.
She wasn’t a big supporter when I got with my son’s biological mom and she’s my ex’s mom after all so I’m not sure if I really was the jerk or she’s more biased here.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Won't Let My Kids Visit Their Grandma Again?
“My husband’s mother is a very nasty person and extremely rude and mean. She’s like this with most people around her and she always wants to have control of everything and everyone around her. She’s very judgemental about everything and she’s the kind of person who’ll go out of your way to ruin your happiness about anything.
She only has a soft spot for my husband’s older brother and that is only because he’s a divorced man in his early 30s with no plans to date or marry again and only staying with his mom. When my husband and I got engaged a few years back, my MIL would call him crying about how he was abandoning his real family and choosing me, etc. My brother-in-law’s marriage was also ruined because of my MIL btw.
Anyway when I gave birth, my MIL would push to attend the delivery room despite me telling her no multiple times. She has still not forgiven me for it. She’s also mad that I gave birth to two girls and no boys yet because the family name won’t be carried on.
My girls are now 6 and 4. My MIL is clear on how she dislikes my daughters and she wants nothing to do with them until we give her a ‘real’ grandkid AKA a boy. I told my husband I’m not comfortable with him taking our daughters to visit Grandma.
My husband despite being in low contact with his mom decided to try and bond them despite my hesitance about it.
In the past month though they’ve visited their grandma 4 times and all of the kids come home crying because grandma is yelling and swearing.
After the last time which was a couple of days ago, I told my husband that his mom will not have the kids visiting her again and he can go visit his mom on his own without putting me and our kids through that.
He said that his mom is like that with everyone and it’s not that she has something against us personally and I should cut her some slack because that’s just her personality. He also said I’d be a jerk to stop him from trying to create a bond between his mom and our kids.
I insisted that I don’t care if that’s her personality, she’s a grown woman and if she can’t control how she speaks and acts around our kids then she has no business being around them. He said I’m a jerk and unfair for this because those are his kids too and I can’t be the only one making these decisions.
AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Late Fiancé's Passwords?
“My fiancé passed away unexpectedly. His mother is asking me for the code to unlock his Android phone, and his email password. I chose not to disclose them to her. Instead, I told her I don’t know.
After four years of being with her son, I’ve observed that she is dramatically self-centered, insecure, and entitled. She makes EVERYTHING about herself, no holds barred: a textbook codependent parent.
I know my fiancé wouldn’t want her going through his private conversations and pictures. (I want to protect my privacy, too.) She wouldn’t just get into his stuff to get useful info or pictures for his funeral and drop it.
She will scrutinize everything he ever said, focus on anything that makes her feel attacked, (her victimhood narratives know no bounds,) and become hysterical. It will be a nightmare for everyone, including her.
Moreover, she will almost certainly scapegoat me, then passive-aggressively punish me, as she did to her son.
My fiancé went to lengths to protect me from his troubled family. Now, he cannot. He loved his family very much but endured an agonizing struggle to maintain reasonable boundaries with them.
Perhaps unfairly, my other consideration is the trashy way she’s treated me, especially during my fiancé’s final days.
For instance, she wouldn’t tell me what hospital he was at… I had to call several area hospitals to find him. (I wish we’d been married before he had the aneurysms.) I did get to give him comfort and companionship while he was still coherent.
Sadly, when he slipped into his second coma, she made it impossible for me to even call the nurse and check on him. (Privacy laws.) It was excruciating not knowing what was happening, not being able to visit… not even knowing if he was still alive because she was/is so controlling.
She was a cruel gatekeeper to me, and to my dying soulmate.
He’d been dead only a couple of hours when she started asking me for his passwords, which indicates to me that she wants to get into his phone for emotional, not administrative reasons.
Throughout the horrific ordeal of his death, she never asked if I was ok or expressed any sympathy, as I did for her (nor did she express sympathy for her son). When I broke down and begged her to please just tell me if he was still alive, she accused me of threatening her.
My dad thinks I’m a jerk for not giving up my fiancé’s passwords. I countered she should be able to gain access to her son’s few assets through standard legal procedures, and it isn’t necessary for her to have access to his phone, which is in her possession.
I want to keep the peace and protect the intimacy I shared with her son. I don’t care if that means she has to deal with a slower process. Am I the jerk here?”
16. AITJ For Looking For A Different Artist To Cover Up My Unfinished Tattoo?
“Back in 2018, a local tattoo artist announced that they were looking for a human canvas who was willing to get a leg sleeve of portraits to build that artist’s portfolio. The requirements were to have an open schedule where I would have to be available whenever they needed me, a blank leg void of any tattoos, the ability to travel to conventions to showcase their work, & allowing the artist full artistic freedom.
I met all of the requirements and signed myself up, and ultimately I was accepted as the canvas. I was excited and shortly after we started our first session, the artist kept mentioning to me they would have me sign a contract, essentially legally binding me to this project, which I was obliged to do.
However, they never brought a contract to me and instead just started working on the tattoo.
It was 3 years of scheduling and rescheduling. I had 2 appointments in 3 years, with huge gaps in between. I was finally able to go back in about 6 months ago, but they only worked on it for an hour and a half.
So, I’m sitting here 4 years later with a tattoo that should have been finished 2 years ago. It’s something I have to look at every single day, and I would love for it just to be finished. I kept reaching out to them and I’ve gotten no response but they constantly post on social media.
So, I made a post asking if any artist was willing to finish it or cover it up. Within 20 minutes, the artist messages me saying ‘Wow. I was going to get a session next month but go ahead, dude. Cover up a tattoo that you didn’t pay a dime for.
Sorry for being busy.’
This rubbed me the wrong way. You blatantly ignore me for months & clearly have been putting off this project that YOU started but think I’m the jerk for wanting it to get moved along?
I understand it was free, but it was also something you wanted to do & you initially took very seriously. I’ve BEEN taking it seriously, and I’ve been nothing but respectful and supportive the whole way. At the end of the day, it’s something I have to live with on my body and I feel I have the right to want it completed.
So, AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Neighbors For Hiring A Contractor To Go Into My Yard Without My Permission?
“A few days ago I (F33) woke up at 8:30 am and was about to let my large dogs out into my fenced backyard. At the last second, I checked my phone and saw that my next-door neighbor Katherine (F60ish) had sent me a text at 1 am telling me there would be contractors in my backyard power washing her house from 8-9 AM.
Here’s my issue. I wouldn’t mind letting them in my yard if that made the work easier. But Katherine never asked, she just TOLD me it was happening, with 7 hours’ notice, in a text sent to me while I was asleep.
It was just by chance that I saw it before I let the dogs outside, and had I not seen it, I could’ve let my dogs out into my yard with contractors already in the yard.
One of my dogs is a very fearful dog and while he has never bitten anyone, that is only because I work extremely hard to protect him from unwanted encounters with strangers, advocate for him and his personal space and special needs, and never let anyone get close to him without measures taken to make sure everyone is safe.
He is a very loving and special dog so this is just not a risk I’m willing to take because I want to be a responsible dog owner. My neighbors know this, and they know he’s scared of pretty much any person that I don’t carefully introduce to him.
I also have very clear signage on all the gates.
But they told the contractors they could go into my yard. Didn’t ask permission, didn’t wait for my answer.
I felt this was an egregious overstep, and just kinda rude and entitled of them to not ask my permission, and just tell me it was happening like I had no say in the matter.
I got mad and texted her back and told her that this could have a very serious safety issue and it is not ok under ANY circumstances for them to ever give anyone permission to enter my yard where my dogs could bite them.
Unacceptable and never again.
Katherine’s husband Jack (M60ish) then blew his top and told me that they didn’t have any notice either, they heard from the contractor in the middle of the night and there was no time to notify me.
I feel like that’s not my problem, and that they should’ve waited to receive confirmed permission from me before telling the contractors it was ok. I really don’t think I’m asking a lot here, I feel like this is an extremely reasonable request, dog issues or not.
Then Jack told me that my behavior was ‘unacceptable’ and that any harassment of the contractors would be ‘dealt with’ and that I was to ‘immediately cease harassing Katherine’. I never even spoke to the contractors, and I sent Katherine a total of four text messages that more or less said that this is a boundary they can’t cross, this was unacceptable, and they are not to do it again.
Jack sent me a few more nasty texts and at this point, I’m not really interested in being friendly anymore, but Jack still said that I was the one who was being ‘unacceptable’. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Male "Friend" Sleep Over At Our House?
“I (F51) and my daughter (19) ‘Joan’ recently got into a heated argument. My kids were raised in a traditional, but non-religious, family. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Although it was even admittedly rare back in the 90s, we actually waited until we were officially married before we slept together for the first time.
Currently, Joan is attending college and lives with us in our developed basement with a separate entrance. Our two other kids have moved out for good. Although Joan is not in a relationship, she is socially active and dates on occasion.
The issue – Last night, Joan was out with friends, and as mothers are prone to do, I never fall completely asleep until I hear her come home. So, last night, she was back around 1:00 AM and as I was still fully awake, I went downstairs to see how her night went.
I was, however, wholly unimpressed when I saw her on the couch with a guy she had just met that night. They weren’t engaged in anything (yet) however, it was evident where events were likely to lead.
Although I was polite, I commented to Joan that she really needed to get to sleep as we were planning an early morning walk, and I waited patiently as her ‘new friend’ got the hint and left.
Afterward, Joan was livid and said that I thoroughly embarrassed her, and that, as she was an adult, she should be able to see whomever she wants, whenever she wants, and wherever she wants.
My position is that she is an adult, however, she has no right to bring a stranger into our house without my knowledge as:
- Our house belongs to her dad and me. I’m not comfortable with having a complete stranger spend the night. (Her argument is that she’s still a dependent as she’s going to college and it’s still her house too)
- Although I don’t approve, I agree that as an adult, she can engage in whatever legal activity she chooses.
However, not in my house. She knows my views on pre-marital relations, and engaging in the activity in my house, with me at home, is a massive sign of disrespect.
- If she really wants to spend the night with a random stranger, that’s what hotels are for.
(Her argument is that, although she’s working, she’s saving for her future, and that would be a stupid waste of money)
So, AITJ for making her friend leave, or should I just ignore my long-held belief system and accept her choices as an adult?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Go On A 2-Week Vacation To The UK?
“My partner (24) and I (also 24) have been together for almost 6 years. We recently graduated college and finally moved in together. We moved to a new city for jobs. With the higher cost of living in this new city, it has been hard on her financially.
After rent, she hardly has any discretionary income (about 400 for the month) and does not have any money put away. Because of this, I’ll pick up the tab on groceries, dinners, drinks, going to basketball games, etc.
Here recently, she has committed to going on a vacation overseas with her friends.
They are planning on spending 2 weeks traveling throughout the UK. I would be completely supportive of this trip if she could afford it, however, it feels as though I am indirectly footing the bill on this one as I have been covering a lot of expenses.
Further, being as frugal as I am, I wouldn’t take a trip like this for YEARS. That is until I am financially set enough to do something of that nature. This trip is also being set up by her friend who has over 100k in student loans as a celebration of her graduation.
She has gotten mad at me for suggesting that she shouldn’t go on the trip. She will say things like, ‘If I don’t go on this trip I will regret it for the rest of my life’ and every time we talk about it we get into a pretty heated discussion.
I feel really bad but I do not support this trip although I inadvertently am financially supporting it.
I have offered alternatives like taking her on vacation instead. I wouldn’t mind paying for a vacation for the two of us if I was involved. She will just say, ‘Fine I just won’t go if that’s what you want.’ And makes me feel like I’m being irresponsible for bringing up facts.
And as the cherry on top, she is burning all of her PTO on this trip. That means we won’t be able to go anywhere together in the first year I can afford to take us on vacation together.
Am I the jerk for not supporting this trip? Are there any other solutions that anyone can offer?”
12. AITJ For Calling 911 On Annoying Kids At The Drive-Thru?
“I’m sure everyone has been to a McDonald’s where there are 2 lanes in the drive-thru. I’m in one, ordering a coffee at 12:30 am. There’s an SUV full of what I assume were late teen/extremely early 20s boys in the other.
They are being absolute idiots pulling ahead and reversing bugging the McDonald’s staff on the intercom. While yelling incessantly, obviously thinking they’re hilarious.
I merge ahead and as I do, they take it upon themselves to start yelling and personally attacking ME.
Saying I shouldn’t be there cause I’m so fat and that I better only be getting a salad etc.
I’m just ignoring them, it doesn’t bother me. But, I think to myself, I need to speak up, as what they were saying was so disgusting and potentially harmful to other people that can’t let stuff like that roll off their backs as I can.
So I stopped briefly when I merged, and yelled ‘You all need to grow up, and you should be embarrassed.’ That set them off even more, but I didn’t take the bait.
Now we’re in the merged line. One uninvolved car between our vehicles.
They’re STILL yelling that I’m a fat jerk, and I need to lose weight, etc, etc. This is when I start to get irritated (takes a lot).
Then they took it to a new level. One of the little jerks GOT OUT of the car to walk to MY car.
And is standing staring at me from my passenger-side window. I give him an incredulous look and tell him to GET AWAY FROM MY CAR. He just stupidly smiles and says to me that he’s just there to make sure my fat butt gets a salad.
Well. I threw my car into park and was out of it before he could even blink. THAT WAS IT. I grabbed my cell phone, I walked directly to the back of their car, took a picture of their license plate, got in my car, locked it, and called 911.
911 told me not to move my car so they couldn’t leave the drive-thru. By this time I had pulled up to the window and advised the manager of the situation.
Anyways cops show up, escort them out of the drive-thru, get my info, and say I can go.
I left giving the now much quieter little s******s a smile and wave as I drive off.
Now here’s the kicker. I feel bad now.
During all of this, I notice the driver has a new driver indicator on their vehicle… which means they can have ZERO substances in their system, only ONE passenger, and cannot have any electronic devices while driving even if they are hands-free.
I’m not sure about the substances, but they were definitely in violation of the other rules. Which will come with big consequences, up to having their license suspended.
I didn’t want my reaction to impact them in a big way like that, I wanted them to know you can’t act like that and to learn some accountability.
Am I the REAL jerk?”
11. AITJ For Almost Calling The Police On My Sister-In-Law Because I Didn't Recognize Her Without Makeup?
“I (33m) have been married to my wife (32f) for 4 years and we have been together for 10. She has an older sister Emily who moved out when she was 18-19.
My wife ‘Kate’ has a great relationship with Emily.
She visits us a few times a month. Sometimes she takes our kids out and we also do some activities as a family with her like hiking, going overseas, and so on. We do not ask her to babysit our kids as they have a nanny and my mother to do so (my mother has left her job to spend more time with her grandchildren of her own free will and we do reimburse her).
Now Emily is very into makeup. In fact, I have never seen her without heavy makeup. Even when she stays over she comes out from her room with a full face on and wears waterproof makeup to the swimming pool or to the beach.
From what Kate told me she has been like this since Emily was 13.
Over the weekend our daughter who is 7 sneaked into Emily’s room when she was staying over and decided to play with her makeup and hide it. That was early in the morning.
When I woke up I bumped into Emily in the hallway while she was looking for her makeup and did not recognize her at all. She looked completely different from what I’m used to and looked like a middle-aged woman.
I nearly called the police as I thought someone broke into our house, but Kate stopped me. However, Emily already heard me saying ‘Who are you’ and is aware I had not recognized her.
I apologized and explained to my wife and my SIL that I didn’t recognize her and thought a stranger broke in as Emily looks so different without makeup.
However, Emily got upset and she and my wife called me a jerk for this. Emily left and Kate is giving me the cold shoulder. My FIL and MIL are on my side, but I am wondering if I was really a jerk.”
10. AITJ For Buying Expensive Stuff?
“To start with, I have worked for a salary as soon as it was legal in the UK for me to do so.
I’ve now reached a point in my life/career where after bills and savings I’m able to afford stuff like designer jewelry, bags, shoes, etc.
That hasn’t always been the case. My family is Asian and since they got married my parents had fully financially supported my dad’s family and also given financial help to my mum’s parents when they needed it.
It wasn’t unusual for my parents to take me shopping every 3 or 4 months to buy new clothes for my cousins, while I got hand-me-downs or second-hand clothes from charity shops and car boot sales.
Even when I started earning money I would have to put it into my parents’ account and only get between £10-20 a week back.
Meanwhile, my cousins could ask for new phones, styling products, bikes, etc and they would be bought for them.
So while as a household we were probably making enough income to count as middle class, we were living frugally.
This continued well into when I began uni.
Around that time however, my uncle’s wife started making comments about my parents paying for their 4 kids’ University fees, weddings and them inheriting the house they lived in (which is jointly owned by my parents and has been willed to me.)
That was the wake-up call they needed to realize that they were going beyond just helping out a family in need but were actually funding their lifestyle while effectively depriving themselves.
After I paid off my student loans and had enough saved for a deposit on a property I realized I have enough to treat myself.
So I started to buy some of the mentioned designer goods.
I guess my cousins saw stuff on my social media and started messaging me along with their mother to harass me saying that they have been forced to get jobs while I’m just splashing my riches on things I don’t need.
It’s true I could send them that money but I want to have nice things for myself for once, does that make me the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Not Accepting The Gifts?
“My (16M) parents divorced when I was 6. Mom remarried when I was 8 or 9. Her husband has 2 kids (12 and 14) with his late wife.
They were always favored. They got more attention and more gifts. I complained but was always told they lost their mom. After some time my mom adopted them (which I hated) and everyone still used the same excuse.
It all came to a head this November at my birthday.
I got half the value of gifts than them for their birthdays. I was mad and argued with my mom and her husband. In the end, I told them that I don’t want gifts from them and the rest of my mom’s family ever again.
Neither for my birthday or any holidays. I am done.
For Christmas, I am with my mom in the morning and then go to my dad and stepmom in the afternoon. When I woke up I went downstairs to make me some breakfast. The kids were already opening their gifts and mom told me to open mine.
I told her I don’t want any gifts and to distribute them to others and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Mom, her husband, and grandparents came after me and told me how ungrateful I am and to just open the gifts.
I argued with them, things were told, people were offended and I went to my room and locked it.
I waited till my dad came and just snuck out of the house. I told Dad what happened and he told me I should just open the gifts.
I got some texts from my mom’s side about how I ruined Christmas and made my mom cry. She texted me and begged me to come home. I told her I am not coming till the 2nd of January when my school starts.
Should I have just accepted the gifts or AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Accusing My Neighbor Of Stealing From My Garden?
“This spring a young woman, let’s call her ‘Kristin,’ moved into the house next door to me. She owns some sort of catering business for weddings and runs an account about food.
We live in a semi-remote area about 15 minutes outside of a small town.
In 2020, I got very into gardening, and love my thriving vegetable and herb garden. I tend to it very carefully and I love that I can feed my husband and kids with food I have grown.
This summer, produce has begun disappearing: some of my tomatoes, squash, eggplants, and herbs will disappear overnight. I see no signs of animals chewing them. No vegetables disappeared from my garden last summer. Obviously, someone is taking them. Kristin is the nearest house to mine – the other nearest is a bit of a walk down the road, and she is right next door, and I find it very suspicious that they began disappearing right after she moved in.
I even checked her social media and saw her posting photos of food this very week featuring the exact produce that’s gone missing from my garden – tomatoes, zucchini, eggplant, herbs.
I confronted her about this yesterday evening and she became very, very defensive.
She said I was crazy and that she had no reason to steal from me as there is a farmer’s market right down the road and she grows her own windowsill herbs and has a supplier for her business. She even had the audacity to brag about how much she earns, saying that her business brings in good income and that she would have no need to steal. From her defensiveness and this level of bragging, it seems obvious to me that she is lying.
Things got ugly and she slammed her door in my face, which to me seems like further proof of guilt.
AITJ? Should I have gone about this differently? She is clearly stealing from me and clearly lying about it.”
7. AITJ For Reminding My Wife How Gross Dog Poop Is?
“Although I am not a fan of pets, about 4 years ago I agreed to purchase my wife and child a dog.
Because I was not a fan of the idea and felt I was compromising, I made it clear that it was their dog and they were to take care of it. And most importantly, I refused to pick up dog poop.
Ever! I find it disgusting and it makes me sick just thinking about it. Anyway, they agreed and we purchased a beautiful Rottweiler puppy.
For the most part, they kept up their promise. However, I was always on them about things like leaving empty dog food cans in the backyard (we had a rodent problem early when we bought our home) and worst of all, leaving bags of poop all over the place.
I can’t begin to tell you how often I fussed about finding bags of dog poop on the fence. On the brick wall. Everywhere but the trash can. The smell literally makes me nauseous.
One day I found a bag of dog poop on the corner of our kitchen counter.
Now to be fair, it wasn’t in an area we typically prepped food on. We had a pretty large countertop, so there was plenty of space. But to someone that is grossed out by the sight, smell, and feel of dog poop, I was so upset.
I immediately confronted my wife and child and my wife admitted to it. I read her the riot act. Her position was that we didn’t prepare food in that area of the counter. I told her it didn’t matter it was the kitchen and that was gross.
I asked her that it never happen again. Not long after that, it happened again. I again had a conversation with my wife about how I felt about it and again asked that she never do it again.
One day, sometime after that, I was home while my wife was at work.
I may have been home sick from work. I slept in a bit, and when I woke up I was hungry. When I headed to the kitchen there was another bag of poop on that same spot on the kitchen counter.
I was beyond enraged when I saw that. I could not believe what I was seeing.
As I stood there fuming, I looked down and noticed a pair of her sneakers by the front door. So I took the bag of poop and placed it in one of her shoes and went on with my day.
To be clear, I did not remove the poop from the bag. I simply took the bag and placed it in her shoe. Several hours passed and honestly, I forgot about it as I wasn’t feeling well. Now my wife rarely gets angry with me but when she finally came home, she was furious with me for what I’d done.
I reminded her I’d already asked her twice and reminded her how gross it was. She was fuming with me.
To clarify these were not an expensive pair of shoes. Just a regular pair of sneakers. Her shoe did smell like poo and I definitely didn’t intend for that to happen.
I was just trying to make a point. I should also point out that I am also somewhat of a ‘germophobe’ and I’ve gotten worse as I’ve grown older. I’ll also add that since doing that, I’ve never found a bag of dog poop on my kitchen counter.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That Moving Countries For A Man Was A Stupid Thing To Do?
“MIL has been married for 10 years. I really don’t know the guy because he doesn’t speak much English, but he is polite enough when they visit.
We don’t have much of a relationship with either of them, because MIL thinks visiting us is boring and is offended that I don’t want to spend money I don’t have to visit her across the world.
MIL met her husband 11 years ago when we were on a family trip together.
She extended her own trip for a week, and after knowing him for 3 weeks decided she was going to move from America to Jordan to be with him because he was the love of her life. Obviously, we were extremely concerned and did not want her to move to the Middle East with a stranger, but she did it anyway.
They at least seem happy. I don’t really know due to the language barrier, but she seems ok and they are affectionate, but I still think moving across the world after 3 weeks is insane.
We talked to MIL on the phone last night.
She wanted us to come to see her this summer and meet her in Dubai. I don’t want to go to Dubai (as I tell her every summer) and she doesn’t want to come here because I’m apparently a bad hostess.
I suggested we meet somewhere neutral and brought up Cancun because we love it there.
MIL made a comment that she loves it there because that is where she met her husband. She then proceeded to tell my 10-year-old daughter about how she moved to Jordan after 3 weeks.
My daughter looked horrified and MIL just laughed and said she will understand when she is older. I said I really hope she never does. When my daughter walked off I confronted MIL and asked why she would tell a child that.
I said even though it worked out for her, it was a stupid thing to do and I don’t want her romanticizing something like that for my kid. I want my daughter to grow up to be a smart, independent, intelligent woman, and not give up everything for a guy she has known for 3 weeks.
MIL said I was being rude and that she feels bad for my daughter because I’m such a miserable person and probably jealous. Then she hung up. My own mom took MIL’s side and said she wasn’t romanticizing it, she was telling a true story, and I must be jealous because who wouldn’t be.”
5. AITJ For Not Enabling My Sister's Spending Anymore?
“I (25M) am in a tough situation with my younger sister (23F) who keeps using her pregnancy as an excuse to demand way too much from me, and I and my wife cannot stand it anymore.
So it started in March when my sister announced her pregnancy, things were looking great, but in mid-April, her husband (27M), lost his job at a local pharmacy, and he was forced to get another job out of town, and unfortunately, he wasn’t making a lot of money, he made money, but just not enough to support their house.
In early May, my sister told me that her husband couldn’t afford to pay off the rent for her house, and she asked me for a couple of thousand dollars for the rent. When I specified how much, she said 6 thousand.
I was a little bit suspicious, I knew the house she rented wasn’t cheap, but 6 thousand? And when I offered her 3 thousand because I had my own daughter to take care of, she told me that the 3 thousand was for her house, and the other 3 thousand was for her baby.
I felt sympathetic to her so I chipped in.
The next week, instead of paying her bills, I checked her social media page for updates on the baby, and instead, I saw a post talking about her 6 thousand dollar shopping spree at some store.
I was understandably angry because that money was for the house and her child, not for some shopping spree, when I called her out on it on the phone, she deleted the post and accused me of making up the story, and she told our parents that I was being cruel to her.
My dad took my side, but my mom took her side, and as you can guess, that ended well…
The next week, my mom demanded I contribute 2 thousand to my sister because I am ‘Well off’ and can always make another thousand dollars.
Which is complete nonsense. My job pays me well, but it isn’t like I can make a few thousand dollars every day like she claimed. When I refused, my mother told me my sister supported me when my wife was pregnant with my daughter, which was true for the most part, but the difference was, I spent the money she donated on the baby, not on a shopping spree.
The next day, my sister blocked me on social media and then called me one last time claiming she spent 2 thousand on nursery supplies and that had I given her more money, she would’ve spent it on the baby. I started to feel guilty and maybe I shouldn’t have responded the way I did, because I laughed at her, and that was a jerk move on my part.
But I feel she is partly wrong, not just because she spent money on herself other than her child, but she kept harassing my wife, telling her that she married a complete jerk, and how I laughed at her when she was struggling, so am I partially the jerk?”
4. AITJ For Telling My Son He Doesn't Have To Do Anything He Doesn't Want To Do Even At Other People's Houses?
“My son Trevor (10) has a best friend in the same grade as him, Armin (10). Armin’s parents are from Iran and he is a second-generation American.
Their house and home culture are quite different from our own, but I always thought that was a good experience for Trevor to visit. He really enjoys playing with Armin at his house so he goes there often.
The one thing that gives Trevor anxiety about having a sleepover with Armin is that after eating cereal in the morning, Armin’s father always makes Trevor drink the milk from his bowl.
Trevor hates this. His mother (we’re separated) has guessed that Armin’s parents might have faced food insecurity in the past or it may be from their home culture, but all we know is that Armin’s father is incredibly insistent on this and will not let a bowl go to the sink with anything left in it.
Over the weekend Armin had a small birthday party, and Trevor was getting anxious about breakfast the next morning. I told him that he didn’t have to drink the milk if he didn’t want to. He asked what he should do about Armin’s father, so I responded that he should hold his ground and just refuse.
There is realistically nothing Armin’s father could do to force him to drink the milk, so just drive the point home: no.
Trevor held his ground the next morning. I got a call from Armin’s father at around 11 am that started off nice enough until I told him I was the one that said Trevor didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to do.
This led to a short argument where Armin’s father said it was bad manners. This led to me going to pick him up.
Now Trevor’s mother is furious at me. Armin’s father is too. I honestly just think teaching a child to be able to say ‘no’ to something he/she doesn’t want to do is fine, but I’m kind of alone on this.
Did I step out of line here or has everyone else just completely missed the mark?
Edit: To clarify, Armin’s mother makes the cereal. Even if there is only a tablespoon of milk left over, Armin’s father insists that Trevor drink it.”
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Wife To Babysit My Daughter?
“I (33F) was visiting my home city (I now live abroad), with my husband, and daughter, Elise (5F).
During the visit, there is one particular day when my husband has back-to-back meetings for work, and I have a couple of medical and legal consultations that I can’t really expect my daughter to sit through. My dad is semi-retired and lives just outside the city so I asked him if he would be willing to babysit Elise for the day (we will be seeing him a few times during the trip but not on this day).
He said he was unable to as he had meetings in the city that would be a roundtrip of about six hours, so I said no worries, I will ask the hotel we are staying in for help to organize a nanny through an agency.
My dad then said his wife would be happy to babysit Elise.
For context, my dad’s wife Lily is basically a stranger to me. They’ve been together for about 8 years (married 3) and in that time she and I have only ever made awkward small talk.
My dad pushing us together greatly damaged my relationship with him, and due to this, I ended up seeing my dad a lot less. This changed for the better when my daughter was born, but even then I have rarely seen Lily.
When my dad visits us, he comes alone, and when I am in my home country if I see him five times during the trip on average I will see Lily once (normally he will invite us to their house for dinner).
Elise does not know Lily as a grandmother figure and has never been in her care.
Due to the above, I thanked my dad for the offer but said I will get a professional. My dad kept pushing for a reason and I said I didn’t feel comfortable with Lily watching Elise as while I don’t have any concerns about her per se, she is effectively a stranger to me and to my daughter.
My dad argued that an agency nanny would also be a stranger, but I said that at least that stranger is trained in childcare and first aid, for example, so that really isn’t valid reasoning. My dad went on to say that Lily has raised three children so would be perfectly fine looking after Elise for a few hours, to which I said that most sane, healthy, people on the planet would be fine looking after a child for a few hours, that had no bearing on which of them I would choose to look after my child.
We argued for a while until I said my decision was final and that I didn’t owe him an explanation for what I do with my daughter.
I’ve since received several texts from my dad saying how hurt both he and Lily are by my ‘refusal to let her bond with the family’, which made me roll my eyes.
However, given that I don’t have any evidence that Lily can’t look after a child, AITJ for not letting her?”
2. AITJ For Threatening To Cut My Son's College Fund If He Doesn't Visit Me?
“I (38M) have three kids (18M,16M,13F), but one of them isn’t biologically mine (16M).
I found out about this 3 years ago, it was a messy situation so I ended up divorcing my wife and leaving. I moved to another city because I needed time to heal.
I wasn’t physically involved in my kids’ lives for two years but I called them every day and talked to them, I also paid child support for the three of them, here is where I know I did a terrible thing, and maybe that’s why Alexander (16M) is mad at me and doesn’t want to see me.
When I called my kids, I only called Sophia and Raphael (13F, 18M) because I felt uncomfortable talking to Alexander. One day he was angry and grabbed the phone crying and said: ‘Don’t you love me, dad, why are they more important to you?’
I politely replied and said ‘Honey, look I love you but I need some time to heal, I’m still your father and I’ll be back soon.’ (He knows I’m not his biological father)
I talked to him thru messages because I didn’t feel completely comfortable doing a Facetime, I moved back to my city last year with my new partner to settle down, and my kids (13F and 18M) came to visit me immediately but Alexander didn’t come so I went to his mom to see what was going on.
I talked to him and also apologized for treating him that way but he refused to come to my house and said that he only wanted to hang out with me and we did that.
When he found out my wife (he refused to come to my wedding) was pregnant he told me not to visit him again, then I found out that his mom was seeing Alexander’s biological father so I thought that my son wanted a relationship with his bio dad instead so even if it hurts I respected his wishes.
Until I found out that he rejects this guy. Raphael says that one day this guy was trying to spend time with him but Alexander said: ‘Look dude, no hard feelings but don’t try to force a fatherly role on me because you are not my dad and I already have one’.
So I decided to invite him again to live with me because my other two kids live with me 80% of the time and he is the only one who refuses.
My daughter was born 6 days ago and he hasn’t come to see his half-sister so I called him and said that if he doesn’t come to see me I’ll be cutting his college fund, he told me to get lost and then hung up.
My mom says I’m being a jerk for threatening him that way.
AITJ? Seriously I don’t see the point of paying a college fund for a child that doesn’t even want to see me.”
1. AITJ For Asking My Daughter If Her Fiancé Is Pressuring Her To Take His Last Name?
“My daughter, (23) got engaged to her now fiance Aaron, (29), Aaron comes from a different place than my family. And in our family, all women kept their maiden name even after they got married.
Last week, my daughter and Aaron visited to talk about the wedding and then brought up the last name arrangements, I was taken by surprise when my daughter said she planned on taking Aaron’s last name once they get married. I truly was not expecting this because like I said all women in the family kept their maiden name which is a part of their identity and legacy and… I couldn’t help but think my daughter was throwing all that away by deciding to take Aaron’s last name.
I asked her if it was her decision or if Aaron pressured her and Aaron started side-eyeing me.
My daughter said that it was a decision she made by herself and she was not pressured by anyone. I told her that I don’t agree with her on this decision and that I thought that it was hasty and a bit offensive of her to do that frankly.
The conversation got uncomfortable and Aaron had to go outside to smoke. My daughter started arguing with me about what I just said but I said that was truly how I felt about this whole thing considering that she’s the only member of the family to give up on her family’s name, she lashed out saying I get 0 zero opinions on what she decides to do and I should stop guilt-tripping her but I don’t think I was because… I was just telling her how I felt about it.
She didn’t like it and decided to leave early then called my husband and ranted to him about the conversation we had and he sided with her saying our daughter is an adult and this kind of decision is up to her but I still said that I disagree with her decision no matter what her motive is honestly.
It’s been a week and she hasn’t called yet, probably expecting me to reach out and apologize.”
