People Seek Our Help Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Grounding My Older Son For Going On A Chore Strike?
“My kids have daily chores they have to do after school. They have to swiffer their rooms and take out the garbage.
They also alternate days to clean their bathroom mirror and the sink. However, when they have friends over, they don’t have to do their chores. It’s kind of awkward for the other kid to just have to sit around and twiddle their thumbs while their host is swiffering.
My 14-year-old gets mad when the 12-year-old is at a friend’s house or has a friend over and doesn’t have to do his chores because it isn’t fair. He doesn’t have playdates every week or anything, but it still infuriates 14 when it does happen.
My 14-year-old isn’t very social and never has people over. I don’t think this is a healthy mindset from him, but he’s been getting angrier and angrier. Yesterday he refused to do his chores because 12 had a friend over to work on a project with, so the 14-year-old went on a chore strike and ended up getting grounded.
I know I’m old and out of touch, but am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you are making it abundantly clear which child you favor and which one you dislike. You have no problem with adding extra hurt to an already introverted child who likely is not at all happy about not having as many friends and social activities as a younger brother with this silly and clearly unfair policy.
When he bails on you as soon as he can and doesn’t want to be bothered having anything to do with you as an adult you can congratulate yourself on having driven away the child you didn’t care about anyway.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re basically punishing your older son for not having as many friends. I don’t see why your younger son can’t do his chores before or after his friends leave. You’re being very selfish and unfair. And did it ever occur to you that your younger son deliberately invites his friends over so often in order to get out of the chores?
And you’re happy to dump them on your other son; you’ve made it clear that you don’t care about his feelings. Shame on you.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your 12-year-old is more social, more extroverted, and more outgoing. His being social basically gives him freebies to not do chores.
If one doesn’t do chores, the other shouldn’t either. If your son is doing fewer chores than the 14-year-old, he should be doing the 14-year-old’s chores.
I’d be upset if I was your 14-year-old.
Your 12-year-old probably knows this and is taking advantage to skip his chores.
Kids aren’t dumb. I work with kids in Elementary school and I’ve seen them take advantage of their teachers (3rd grade) because of how soft or non-caring they are. You need to do something about it.
Grounding your 14-year-old is an immature move, all it shows him is that ‘I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want.
I don’t care about your situation. You do whatever I want/say, it’s my roof.’ If you continue acting like this, your son will grow up to hate you and his brother.” PumpkinPatch404
19. AITJ For Not Making An Effort To Reconnect With My Father?
“I (23F) was raised an only child by a single mother, dad was never in the picture as he left my mum and married someone else when she was still pregnant with me. Recently, I did one of those commercial DNA tests out of curiosity and matched with one of my half-brothers.
It was a crazy day. We set up a meeting the same day we matched with each other on the site, and I met all 4 of my siblings. We spoke about my dad and how he was ‘dying’ to meet me.
One of my brothers asked if he could give my dad my number and I said ok even though I was anxious beyond words. My dad reached out to me and we met in person for the first time a few days later.
That was all a month ago. Truth be told, I am still trying to get used to having a dad and siblings. It’s overwhelming. I went my whole life not needing a dad, only having my mum and being absolutely fine with it because she was both parents wrapped up into one and now I suddenly have a dad and it’s like I don’t know what to do with that.
I’m still angry with him for the way he treated my mum, the way he tossed her aside and married someone new. This wouldn’t be happening if I hadn’t decided to do a DNA test on a whim, right? When I asked him about everything – why he left my mum, why he never tried to form a relationship with me until now etc. – his answer was along the lines of ‘I had my reasons.’ No accountability.
Now he seems to be working overtime to ‘make up for lost years’ (his wife’s words, not mine). He’s buying gifts every other day, offered to take my siblings and me on holiday, he’s setting up a bedroom for me in their house so that I can stay over any time I want.
Through all this, I’m still the same overwhelmed, anxious girl who first met him only a month ago and is still trying to adjust to everything. My mum is ok with it all and is very supportive, but I still feel guilty, as though I’m somehow betraying her when I interact with him.
Now what has made me feel like a jerk – I have a group chat with my siblings now where I interact fairly regularly, but I don’t text my dad often. I also have yet to tell him I love him.
It feels like it’s too soon, something very significant that I can’t say yet. My little sister (9 yrs old) will say ‘I love you Daddy!’ and he’ll look at me and say ‘Can’t wait to hear those words from you, (my name)’ or ‘When will I hear that from you, (my name)?’ it makes me feel awkward.
Today I woke up to a text from him: ‘I feel like if I don’t reach out to you first, you won’t contact me at all. It feels like I’m putting in effort and am met with radio silence. Please let me know what more I can do.’ His wife also reached out, telling me he’s upset and feels like our relationship is one-sided and that since his birthday is coming up I have an opportunity to patch things up.
This made me feel bad and I still haven’t told anyone about it. I feel like a month isn’t long enough for me to forget the past 23 years. Am I immature for not being able to move forward, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need time to deal with all this and digest the newly created bond with your siblings and father, and it doesn’t seem like it’s being acknowledged or respected. It seems like he’s trying to make you go at the pace he wants to set, the pace he thinks is the right one, not the pace that is actually right for you.
Maybe talk to him to actually make this clear, so he knows you’re willing to give this bond a chance to thrive, but that you need time to adapt to it.
Also, who does this lady think she is, telling YOU, the one who got left behind by your father, that YOU have an opportunity to patch things up?
That’s a real jerk-ish thing to say.” Heptamasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you and your dad have different ideas of what’s happening here. You wanted information and possibly closure. Oh hey, new family members, cool, but you’re an adult with your own life.
They are on the periphery of that life.
Your dad seems to want to play happy family and have you be a DAUGHTER. I mean, he made a bedroom for you at his house, when you’re a 23-year-old stranger who has only met him a handful of times.
His goals and expectations are pretty unrealistic, especially since he’s not giving you the information or closure you wanted.
You might need to just talk to him and point out that you are moving on your own timeline, and not his.
It’s been 23 years that you and your mom have done this without him. You’re happy to know him, but the relationship that you have with him should be on YOUR terms, not his. He lost all rights to dictate what that relationship should be when he left your mom.
Out of curiosity, how is your mom handling all of this? Please don’t get so wrapped up in your new family that you accidentally neglect her. This has got to be really difficult for her.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This man is a stranger to you. He’s your biological dad, yeah, but he’s never been your parent who raised, loved, and supported you. You are an adult and can make your own judgments about his character. He can’t buy your love with presents and promises and he’s going overboard trying.
This may be through guilt or whatever or it could also be because he’s a manipulative piece of work who abandons a pregnant woman. Time will tell and you have every right to take this in your own time and on your own terms.” User
18. AITJ For Getting My Hair Braided By A Female Friend?
“I (35M) recently got back from a trip with some old university friends (3 men and 4 women, including myself). It was just a small thing and we went up into the countryside and did some hiking like we did when we were younger.
Before each hike, I let one of my friends, who we can call Maddie, braid my hair to get it out of my way. This was because (1) I am hopeless at doing these kinds of things and (2) We used it as a bit of time to chat and relax.
I just want to stress here there was no intimacy or romanticism between us, it was literally just her plaiting my hair.
When I got home, I was showing my wife some of the pictures and told her about how it was a great time.
In one of these pictures, you can quite clearly see my braid to which my wife asks ‘Where did you learn to do that?’ I explained to her that Maddie was doing it for me before we started walking, thinking that this was a perfectly normal thing and would not sound off any alarms.
Apparently, this isn’t normal friendly activity as my wife thought it was completely out of the ordinary. She asked me all kinds of questions about whether we shared a tent or anything more happened to which I answered no to all.
She even contacted some of the people who were there, quizzing them about Maddie and I’s relationship. Nothing like this has ever happened before and her behavior was completely different to usual.
She has seemed incredibly distant over the past few days and hasn’t properly spoken to me since I was called a piece of work for having my hair braided.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s probably more likely she’s bothered you kept having only one woman do it each day.
There is no telling what is going on inside of her head, but allowing someone else to groom you does mean you trust them more than others, you’re spending time with them, and they are in your ‘business’ a little bit.
Showing any sort of preferential treatment towards someone of the opposite gender is what is probably setting off her alarm bells. You chose Maddie each day, and in your wife’s mind, there have to be underlying reasons besides your hair would look good.
She thinks any of your friends could do that (maybe), but you kept only choosing one.” Stitch426
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I think you’re leaving pieces of the story out to make everything seem okay. I think it’s understandable for her to be uncomfortable with that but her reaction is way outside the norm if there weren’t already fidelity issues/concerns in the marriage.
Also, you really didn’t need to have your hair braided to be out of your face, a ponytail/bun would be fine. As a man with long hair, you know this. So I think you need to ask yourself the real reason you wanted Maddie to braid your hair.
You don’t need to be honest on here but I hope you’re honest with yourself.
No jerks here.” trashdayhero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to nip this in the bud straight away. You’ve already delayed too much if she’s even calling your friend group, which I agree is weird and inappropriate.
It sounds like she wasn’t assured enough by your answers. Maybe she already had a weird vibe from this female friend of yours and finding out she braided your hair elevated her worries.
I would understand her being upset, people have different levels of touch that make them comfortable.
If you let your friend do it again, knowing it upsets your wife, then I would call you the jerk. Cuz then you’re just being petty and not facing the issue here. Don’t get me wrong your wifey is definitely not facing the issue here.
She is avoiding the topic and trying to go around you to get more info.
Maybe she feels like you would call her being jealous of this as being silly, and is afraid to bring it up directly.
If you didn’t take her concerns seriously when she brought it up, it could also bring up some resentment.
How would you like it if she dismissed any worries you had about her male friends, and didn’t seem to listen to your concerns?
Sit her down, and tell her you’ve noticed she’s being cold and distant. Tell her you didn’t realize this was a subject that she considered intimate.
I don’t think you have to apologize, but actively LISTEN to her, and ACKNOWLEDGE that this is an important topic for her.
Once you guys address this topic, then discuss how next time if something like this happens (not hair braiding but something else that comes up she feels worried about), she needs to tell you if she doesn’t feel heard, so she isn’t going around your back to others for more information.” xzemx
17. AITJ For Grounding My Son Over A Prank?
“I have three kids, the oldest is at university so it’s just me, my wife, and them (16M and 11F).
All my kids are children who have been raised well and they’ve grown to be people I’m proud to call my own.
My son recently had some friends over and things were going fine, I went upstairs at one point to bring them the pizza they had ordered when I overheard my son talking about how his friends owed him something for asking a girl in their class out as a prank, from what I gathered the girl was someone his friends didn’t deem attractive enough and a load of other nonsense.
I decided to talk to my son about it after his friends left to save him from embarrassment. I did raise my voice a little but that was due to how maddening the whole situation was, the same thing had happened to my cousin when we were younger and I saw how the whole thing affected her as she took on new relationships.
My son argued back that it was just a prank that wouldn’t hurt anyone and that I was going against him by listening to his friends’ private conversations and said that while he felt sorry for my cousin he was ‘mature enough’ to understand to not pull the prank any further.
I didn’t listen to any other excuse he gave and decided to ground him for two weeks, he said that I shouldn’t have any say in this when the whole thing had nothing to do with me.
My wife claims that ‘boys will be boys’ and that it’s something harmless, when I asked her how she’d feel if this was played on our daughter she simply said, ‘That won’t happen because she has good genes’.
MIL and FIL are blowing up the family group chat about how I’m hurting their baby for normal teenage boy behavior.
So AITJ? If I am being too nosy about an act that has nothing to do with me I will take back my son’s grounding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s only a prank if everyone laughs. Asking someone out on a prank is hurtful bullying and can destroy a person’s self-esteem. Not exaggerating that teenagers hurt themselves due to being the victim in situations like this.
It doesn’t matter how you found out, the fact that your son was involved and you know about it is enough to give out a punishment. Your wife is totally in the wrong. ‘Boys will be boys’ is a glib statement excusing terrible misogynist behavior.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AT ALL, honestly I would take this further and make your son apologize to the girl, this can be so much more serious than just this one incident, this girl could be getting severely bullied by your son and/or his friends or the rest of the school, kids have fallen into depression over incidents like this because 9/10 times it’s also public or spread around the school.
Your son is a bully and this behavior needs to be addressed seriously or your son can very easily turn into a person you wouldn’t be proud of. I’d try and contact both the school and the girl and make sure your son truly realizes how terrible his actions are because with your wife’s family telling him he’s perfectly fine and your overreacting, he’s not going to learn his lesson.” UnusualApple434
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only ‘harmless’ pranks are ones where everyone, including the victim, is legitimately laughing at the end. I fail to see how the poor girl who is the victim of your son’s ‘prank’ would find any humor in this situation.
It isn’t a ‘joke’ – it’s intended to insult and humiliate the victim and is downright mean.
The only thing more despicable than your son and his friend’s behavior in this whole scenario is your wife’s response.
‘Boys will be boys’ is fine when we’re talking about boys thinking it’s a good idea to ride a shopping cart down a poorly executed ramp off the back deck. It is a terrible excuse for mean-spirited, bullying behavior that encourages traits of toxic masculinity.
And this same ‘prank’ would be just as awful if done by girls as well.
Your wife also suggesting that because your daughter has ‘good genes’ will prevent her from receiving this kind of treatment by her peers is also disgusting.
It implies that kids who lose out in the ‘looks’ lottery somehow deserve to be bullied, and ignores the fact that even good-looking kids can end up being bullied. The complete lack of empathetic maturity here is astounding. This leads me to believe your wife was the mean girl growing up and has never grown out of it.
Frankly, if I were you I’d be reevaluating exactly who it is I married, and the son would have a far harsher punishment than two weeks of grounding. The fact that you ‘eavesdropped’ on their convo is irrelevant and that he even thinks it is tells me you have bigger issues to deal with in regard to his behavior.
He got caught being a jerk, and deserves every bit of punishment you deem fit.” Waddiwasiiiii
16. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Nephew Until My Brother Starts Acting Like A Dad?
“My brother (32) and his significant other (22) recently had their first kid about 3 months ago. My brother from what I’ve seen does not help out much; nor does he have a job.
My mom gives him her card to go grocery shopping for us and he ends up spending more than she tells him to and he also sends funds to himself without her permission. She complains to me (18) about it but I ask her not to talk to me about it because I’m not him.
When I’m around my brother and his SO sometimes the baby will be in their room crying and his SO will ask my brother to go see what the issue is and he essentially ignores her. He doesn’t even respond to her or look at her.
When he’s asked to change a diaper I haven’t seen him do that either. The only thing I’ve seen him do is prepare a bottle. My other brother had a kid and definitely helped out much more so I had no problem watching their kid when they needed it.
However, if I’m doing more work than the dad I don’t think I should take the baby. I’m not a mother for a reason and if I want my free time after school I will have it.
They call me selfish and a jerk but I truly believe my brother should at the very least get a job and help with his child. I don’t believe I am obligated to do so if he isn’t even helping.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if both parents are perfect, you don’t owe them free babysitting. Finding a willing babysitter is part of being a responsible parent. It is nice if family helps out, but it isn’t a requirement.
No one should force anyone else to care for their children.
They call you names because they can’t get you to do what they want, and they are angry. Apparently, they think they are entitled to your free labor. They chose to become parents, you didn’t.
They are adults and should be able to find a willing babysitter on their own.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“How can the actual father of the baby do nothing at all to help and call YOU selfish when you don’t, either?
That’s insane. Don’t be bullied. Tell them if they want to see a selfish jerk, they need to just look in a mirror.
Tell him/them no. Keep saying no. Remind them who the baby’s parents are. Say no. Keep saying no.
‘if I’m doing more work than the dad I don’t think I should take the baby.’
Absolutely.
Same with your mother when she complains about your brother to you. Loudly call him and tell him your mother wants to speak to him, then remove yourself from the conversation.
It sounds like they all view you as an easy target, and it’s great to see that you don’t share their opinion. Stand your ground. (Keep saying NO!) Log on to the internet and find jobs he could apply for.
Print them out and hand them to him.
NTJ, unlike your useless brother, your almost-as-useless SIL, and your enabling mother.” The_Blonde1
15. AITJ For Not Wanting Meat To Be Cooked In My Home?
“I (44F) have been a vegetarian from age 19, almost as soon as I went to college.
My husband, Bill, wasn’t when we met, and became one over time. I truly don’t think there is anything wrong with being an omnivore, I think humans are omnivores, but I am just against factory farming and the environmental impact of meat diets, and I figure if there is one way I can help, it is that way.
I never pushed it onto Bill.. except I always had one rule before we lived together, and I also had a firm boundary when we moved in. I do not like meat being prepared in my home, and on dishes I use.
The smell just makes me nauseous and sick. I know my aversion to it is slightly off-putting, I am autistic and I think it is a part of my sensory issues. As I said, I am fine with it in general, and going out and smelling it also makes me feel that way but it is less so… because I feel like if you cook indoors it hangs in the air.
Anyways, it is a firm boundary.
My daughter, Sam (12F) was never raised SPECIFICALLY vegetarian, but at home, that is how we ate. Or if we ordered out for her, we would choose the vegetarian option. She ate mostly vegetarian.
In the last year, she has been really wanting to eat meat. I tell her fine, we can go out to eat and eat it sometimes, but we are not rich, so we really only go out to eat once or twice a month.
We might get fast food here and there.
I know she eats it at school, but now she is asking us to make it at home, and we refused. She said she could cook it, but I don’t even want her to cook it… I just can’t have it in my home.
She was giving us the cold shoulder hardcore and refused to leave her room. I am at a loss here… I work hard to live in this home, and even though I know my aversion is a lot, I want to live in my space comfortably.
My mom found out and told my sister… who always has something to say about me. My sister is saying I am a jerk, but I said maybe she could take her out to eat and buy some meat or have her over and make dinner.
She does live an hour away, so I get it is far, but she never makes an effort to see us. But I am feeling kinda awful, maybe I should just buy new pots and pans and let her do it.
I am not sure. I feel conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and saying that she wasn’t raised specifically vegetarian but then immediately following that up with only ever cooking vegetarian meals and even when ordering takeout never actually bothering to give her a choice and only ever ordering the vegetarian version of whatever it was that she wanted just completely undermines that statement in my opinion and in fact does prove/show that she was raised specifically vegetarian because she never had any other option.
Also, why did the takeout thing literally ever happen if your aversion is to meat being cooked in your home because takeout is already cooked so it shouldn’t be a problem? You say it’s your aversion but have you ever actually worked on dealing with it at all say through therapy?
Because it’s not clear from your post and honestly it’s coming across as if you haven’t because if you did you know you couldn’t use it to control everyone anymore.” Silvermorney
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your kid is 12 and wants to try things she doesn’t get an opportunity to have at home. Smells linger around a home (I love fish and bacon. When I cook with them the smell lingers for hours). As a sensory thing, you would not like my kitchen.
There are lots of compromises that can help here. Getting your child her own prep station, letting her have cold cuts and make sandwiches, having your husband supervise her food prep so you don’t have to, and the cleaning for sanitary purposes by either of you.
Have windows open when she’s prepping so the smell doesn’t linger etc etc etc.
Another option is depending on your relationship with her friends’ families (do they stay over for sleepovers? For dinners? Go out to the park and stuff on occasion?).
Offer to take each other’s kids on trips and things. Parks, beaches, walks/hikes, bowling whatever. Provide some spending money for your kid when she’s with her friends and see if her friends’ families can do the same if you take the kids out.
Alternatively, encourage your daughter to eat what she likes and explore food outside of your home, enroll her in cooking classes and whatnot, and give her an allowance to save so she can visit places herself. There is a lot you can do while still making sure your home is a safe space for you.” ConfusionPossible590
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said you didn’t force it on anyone, but you didn’t let it be cooked or brought into your house, you make your daughter pick vegetarian options. You are a jerk for forcing your lifestyle on other people.
And then you add that you are autistic as if that is a free pass for being a jerk. I’m sorry you are autistic, but that is not an excuse to be a jerk. Why have a kid if you were going to treat them like a prisoner?
You’re a jerk for that too. You are forcing your lifestyle on her but keep saying it’s not forced. YOU DON’T EVEN LET HER COOK HER OWN MEAT, how is vegetarianism not forced on her.” avatarjulius
14. WIBTJ If I Changed My Mind About Adopting My Ex's Older Daughter?
“After my ex and I had our daughter, Emily, we decided to talk to the other kids about me legally adopting my ex’s two older kids (Alex and Carter).
Carter was really into the idea, but Alex was not. So we put it off. A couple of years later Carter brought it up and he really wanted me to adopt him. So we decided that I would adopt Carter and told Alex that if she ever changed her mind I would adopt her too.
After Carter’s adoption was finalized things went downhill. Alex started acting out and would yell and get argumentative. She would hide, throw out and destroy my things and blamed it on me being careless or on our younger children.
The worst part was her being mean to Carter and Emily. I caught her often calling Carter stupid and otherwise putting him down. She would unplug his games and his saves kept getting deleted. She would completely ignore Emily to the point that she would walk through whatever she was playing with and say she didn’t see her there.
She would only act this way when my ex wasn’t around and he didn’t believe me. He refused to consider getting her into therapy or doing family therapy.
It got progressively worse over the years. Realizing that nothing was going to change and my kids were going to continue to live with their sister bullying them I decided to end things.
That was last year and we have just now gotten our divorce finalized. I have primary custody of Carter (who is now 13) and Emily (who is now 6).
Alex (who is now 16) was at my place for the first time a few weeks ago.
She came with her dad when he was picking up Carter and Emily for the day. Since then she has come over every time my ex has. The last time she was over she said she wanted me to adopt her now.
After everything that happened I didn’t think that was a good idea, so I said no. My ex interjected and talked about how back when I adopted Carter I had promised to adopt Alex if she changed her mind.
I didn’t want to get into it with Carter and Emily right there so I told them we could talk about this some other time and had them leave.
Truthfully I feel like her motivation to have me adopt her is just based on me having more money than her dad. I don’t think she realized this earlier because she was never at my house before. Since the first time she was over she made several comments on how big my house is and how her dad can’t afford this or that.
I do know that my ex has been having a lot of financial problems recently too.
The part that makes me feel conflicted is that I have learned that Alex has been nicer to Carter and Emily since she has been over.
So if I say no to her I’m worried about her being mean to them again. Carter is suspicious about how she’s acting and says she’s being weird, but I know Emily would be really sad if Alex started ignoring her again.
Still, I don’t want to be legally responsible for a kid that I’m pretty sure is only pretending to like me and being nice because she wants things from me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You adopted Carter when you were with your ex – as a family.
You split up and are not a family any longer.
You are under no obligation to adopt a child who is no longer part of your family. Why would you take on legal responsibility for someone else’s kid when you are no longer in a relationship with their parent?
I would say no. The offer of adoption ended when your relationship did. And Alex chose which potential parent she wanted to live with. She is 16, and old enough to learn that decisions have consequences. I’m sure that if you were all still a family, adoption would still be on the table.
But you aren’t, and it’s not.” MbMinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s mistreated you and the younger kids for a long time. You were still married to her Dad when you made that promise, you aren’t anymore. There’s no point in being nice to someone who has proven they don’t care about you.
Once you have adopted her you can’t go back and she probably knows that. I’m pretty sure her good behavior would change really fast and the only thing that would happen is she’d demand money all the time. She’s 16, she can learn a lesson about actions and consequences.
Please protect your younger kids from her. I grew up with an abusive older sister who treated me very much like Alex treated Emily and it screws you up in so many ways.” Ordinary_World4519
Another User Comments:
“She is 16.
She is old enough to understand that her previous behavior is making you wary. If you are considering this, there are several conditions you should require. This discussion should be had between just the two of you.
She needs to acknowledge the harm she has previously done.
She needs to be able to provide a sincere apology. She needs to go to counseling, both individually and then eventually with her siblings. She needs to hear the hurt and damage she has caused to her siblings from their perspective.
The two of you need to have some counseling sessions to discuss how she hurt you and your children, and how she needs to show she can behave kindly and follow your rules as her parent before she becomes your child.
You and your ex need to also have some mediated sessions to ensure that he is not going to undermine your parenting going forward.
This is a lot of work for this 16-year-old. You are NTJ if you do not adopt her.
You need to ask yourself if you would want to if she did the work. If you would want to, then lay out the work she will need to do to earn her siblings’ agreement and your trust. And don’t forget the requirement to have your ex admit he screwed up, there was something wrong, and he enabled it.
If he keeps undermining, it will never work.” Old-Mention9632
13. AITJ For Explaining To My Niece What Being Gay Means?
“I (24M) have a sister S (28F) who got recently married to a guy G (33M) and G has a daughter D (5F), who our family treats like my sister’s daughter.
My sister was always supportive of my coming out and G is less supportive I think, for example, my partner wasn’t invited to their wedding and the excuse was that his mother is very religious. Before, my sister, my partner, and I used to have dinner together, after the marriage my sister never invited us together to her place, it’s always in a restaurant and G doesn’t go.
My sister asked me if I would take care of D for this weekend so she and her husband G could take a weekend off to celebrate 3 years together. I changed some plans and told them that I would do it.
D is a nice little girl, she’s very talkative and she’s really sensitive. On Saturday we went to the mall with my partner. At the mall, there was a workshop on arts and crafts at the playground and I left D there for 2 hours so I could have some time with my partner.
I asked my sister beforehand if that was okay and she said that D loves the workshops.
When saying goodbye my partner gave me a little goodbye kiss, nothing much, just a little kiss. I wasn’t even sure if D saw it.
Sunday morning I was watching TV with her and she asked me if my partner was my friend and I said yes, but she asked why he kissed me and I had a little bit of gay panic.
I carefully explained to her that he was the same as my sister was to her husband.
She told me ‘But you’re boys’ and I said, ‘There are boys who like boys and there are girls who like girls and that’s okay’. She didn’t say anything after that.
On Monday I got an angry text from G saying that D was confused because of me.
I called him and he was just shouting that I had no right to introduce ‘my way of life’ to his daughter. I was shocked and I called my sister, who said that I shouldn’t have told D what gay people are.
Tuesday in the afternoon I got an email from G saying that he was taking D to a psychologist to see what damage I caused to his daughter and that I was supposed to pay for the session, he was even talking about a lawsuit against me.
I was very shocked and I called my dad, who is a lawyer, to ask him what I should do. My parents were very upset with the situation and they decided to come to our city, we (me and my sister) live in the capital and my parents in a small city 3 hours from here.
The situation escalated a little bit because G told my dad that he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes that he did with me and my dad was very angry about it. He said that G isn’t welcome in our family anymore and he doesn’t want to ever see him again.
My sister, who I thought was on my side, just flipped at me saying that my mistake was going to destroy her marriage. My parents are on my side and my friends too, but my sister is very angry at me and even her best friend texted me saying I was stupid and childish to bring my father into the matter.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I always question when people try to hide reality from their children. G is clearly homophobic and is projecting that onto his family. Your sister, also the jerk, is sacrificing you to protect the stability of what she is accepting as a solid relationship.
Her friend can stay out of it. You’ve clearly identified that this is a family concern, so I don’t blame you for bringing in your parents. I think understanding your sister’s mindset is critical in ensuring this does not escalate further.
What irritates me most is that G’s relationship with your sister is accepted and fine, but yours is ‘confusing’ and cause for a psychologist visit. He’ll probably pick one that supports his POV, which will simply make matters worse. I worry that if G doesn’t accept the reality that is gay’s existence, you’re going to lose any relationship you have with your sister.
That she accepted this and married him is appalling. I’m sure there were more than enough warning signs.” owlandphoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister chose to marry someone who doesn’t respect you. She knew this before she married him and continued to make that choice.
I’m so sorry but your sister has made her choice.
SHE made a choice. G is exactly who he has always been.
Further, your sister and her husband are completely aware of who you are, so it was completely unreasonable for them to presume that you wouldn’t answer extremely basic, age-appropriate questions from this child they asked you to babysit for the weekend.
The delusion and arrogance are astounding.
Your sister made an unfortunate choice and only she can fix this.
It’s not you, it’s her.” ComputerCrafty4781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not initiate conversation and your explanation seems to be very age appropriate.
Clearly, G is homophobic and your sister tried to have both worlds (her family and her husband) co-exist at the same time. While they have a right to raise their child how they see fit, they do not have a right to require you to lie.
You have handled the situation with grace and it is nice to see your family backing you up. As for your sister – she just had her two worlds collide and can not pretend there is no issue. She will have to make a decision and it is probably not an easy one for her if she loves her husband…” ItIsNotAManual1984
12. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Pay For My Partner's House Renovations?
“My (F32) partner (M33) and I live together in a house that is solely owned by my partner. When I moved in, we agreed we would split expenses 50/50. However, I expressed I was not comfortable chipping in on large renovations/projects, as there is no guarantee I would ever see a return on the money I put into the house.
We are not engaged/married and I am not on the deed to the house. I agreed I would split the costs of emergencies (replacement of water heater, washer or dryer, etc) that are needed to allow the house to function.
I decided to go back to school and my finances have been pretty tight since then. My partner is saying he wants to do a bunch of projects this summer to improve the house, and he feels since I live here, I should pay half.
He wants to do things like put in a new cement driveway, possibly update the siding, lay down new grass, etc. Each costs multiple thousands of dollars. I told him I don’t have the means to pay for these things, and even if I did, why would I put thousands of dollars into a house with no guarantee I’d see a return on that investment?
He argues that I have done other cosmetic projects like painting and updating fixtures, so I should be able to help with the large projects. But a can of paint is $50 and new fixtures were about $30, very large cost differences.
He also said I should either pay half of the project or pay more in rent so he can save up the extra for the projects. Would I be the jerk to put my foot down and tell him no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are getting screwed here. First, I would NOT agree to pay for things like the water heater or the washer/dryer. No way. It’s his house and you are not on the deed. So he gets to eat the cost of those things.
You are paying him rent and if you decide the rent is too much, you can move out. I wouldn’t pay for little projects around the house either. He needs to be using your rent money to pay for those things.
They should not be extra expenses you pay for.
Think long and hard about where this relationship is going. Is there a plan for you two to eventually get married and if so, is he going to put you on the deed?
Have you two discussed this? If you two aren’t headed that way, then I would think carefully about whether you really want to invest time into this relationship. Might be better for you to move out and save up funds for your own place where you can build up equity of your own.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – oh man there’s so much wrong with this picture. You have renter’s rights. Which is what you are, under a verbal month to month. Look it up. You are only required to pay for half of the appliances, only because you agreed, which I wouldn’t have agreed to.
But legally, NOT the hot water heater, as it is necessary for habitability. Same with AC/Heat, running water, etc.
Man, he is taking advantage of you big time, and I see no way he will let you in on the deed, not for cheap if so.
Most times you don’t even have to pay half or any for appliances, like 9 out of 10 times.
I’d dump him, focus on school, and get into a better situation. Renter’s rights apply here. He’s manipulating you into waiving yours, and on da streets, that’s illegal.” WhyTheMoonUpThere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would probably move out. If he can’t afford the house, that is not your problem and you should not over-extend yourself to enrich him. You should never have paid for anything to ‘allow the house to function’ because that is his responsibility as the owner.
You are just a tenant. So you need to simply put the pin in that and if the rent he wants is too high give him notice you are leaving. Because this man does NOT have your best interests at heart.
If he can’t afford the upkeep of the house, that’s his problem, not yours.
The fact that these are all expensive cosmetic projects that he wants to do in one fell swoop while offloading expenses to you while you gain nothing would be a HUGE red flag to me.
And then threatening you with a rent increase if you don’t comply would be another. Why does this all have to be done now? This feels like a short-term plan that includes you that could all be part of a long-term plan that could include you.
So why does it have to be so short term, you know?” kittygattochat
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Bring A Plus-One To My Wedding?
“I’m (30M) in the midst of planning a wedding and deciding everything regarding the guest list. We have a hard cap of people allowed given the venue’s small size.
We can only have 105 people, anything after that would not be allowed due to fire codes and venue policy. I have an older sister Mia whose life is a bit of a mess right now. She and her latest ex-partner and the dad of one of her kids broke up in the last 6 months.
She has 4 kids and they are all living at my parent’s house for the time being.
We opted to not have a child-free wedding after there being so much drama about it so Mia’s 4 kids between 4 and 11 will be at our wedding.
She recently got an invite that stated her name and her 4 kids’ names. She then called me and said, ‘I assume as an adult I also get a plus 1’. We told her no, she’s not in a serious relationship and she and her kids are already about 5% of our total guest list. Our caterer also doesn’t charge less for kids so we’re paying about $400 for those 4 kids to be there, we don’t want to pay another $100 for some random that she’d bring.
She’s not seeing anyone but said she could easily find a date or bring a friend to have someone to dance with. We told her she has 4 kids there, which should be more than enough instead of having a ‘plus one’.
My dad is on my side and is tired of her taking up their house, my mom is a little more sympathetic and says I should allow her to have a plus one because that’s what you do for adults.
Spending $600 on just my sister, her kids, and a date when she’s not seeing anyone seriously just seems ridiculous to me though. She is pretty ticked off though. Am I being the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really cute that she wants to wine and dine someone at your expense.
A person you have never met and that she is not in a relationship with. I think that the wedding is about you and your future husband and should include people that you want to share the occasion with. If your sister can’t have a good time without a date, then she should pay in advance for her date to attend.
The wedding and reception are about the married couple after all. Who does she expect to babysit her children while she is dancing anyway? Are other people going to forgo the dancing and babysit so she can have a good time?
Since you have limitations on how many guests you can invite and don’t seem to have the extra funds to spend, I think you are being reasonable.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s YOUR wedding and honestly at that point, I would tell her not to come at all.
She sounds like a lot of drama and stress on a day that is supposed to be about you & celebrating your love for your spouse. Set boundaries and stick to them, and don’t let anyone else manipulate you into giving in.
The sister isn’t ever gonna be happy and will keep demanding more. So no more. As it is, it sounds like you wanted a child-free wedding and had to forego that specifically because of her. No. It’s not her day, it’s not about her, and she isn’t paying for anything.
Personally, I would uninvite her & her kids entirely. Boundaries are hard but they exist for a reason. Stop stressing so much and focus on enjoying your special day.” SafariSammi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s not in a serious relationship, anyone she brings will be a stranger to you.
It’s ridiculous to think that you should leave out someone you actually want to celebrate your wedding with you in order to make room for some random she brings.
It’s not like she’s your friend from work and wouldn’t know anyone else there – she’ll know her/your family and can hang out with them.
Plus if she has four kids with her, including a four-year-old, then she’s going to be busy parenting – so what kind of date is she imagining having? (Kinda kidding with that last one – based on how you report her behavior in this situation, I suspect her plan would be to pawn the kids off on your mum or just let them run wild).
Don’t engage in debates about the $100 or who else is attending – the more you justify yourself to her & your mum, the more you keep it open as a subject for debate or negotiation. Just stick to the flat-out no – it’s you & your partner’s wedding, you decide who attends and the answer is no.” lemlemsx
10. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Babysit My Grandchildren Overnight?
“My (f50) eldest (f32) thinks I should take my grandkids overnight on request. I have 3 other children (M18, f16 and f14). My youngest 3 kids are now of an age where I can go out in the evenings to visit friends and leave them home alone.
I split from my partner when my youngest was just born and I would for the most part only go out when my children were with their dad. This was once a fortnight until 2019 when access stopped. If I needed to go out I would either take my children with me or get a sitter after 2019.
I very rarely asked my eldest to sit them although on occasion she has done it, and she also looked after them for 5 weeks in 2021 when I was ill in the hospital.
My grandkids are F7 and F6. Since they have been born I have had them overnight frequently.
Even having them both for 13 weeks in 2020 so my daughter could work as she was an essential worker. Since then I have had them overnight Fri and Sat every second weekend for her to work until Jan of this year.
The other weekend they go to their dad’s Fri and Sat overnight. She has started a new job now where she no longer has to work evenings. I have them after school Fridays until 5 pm and Sat 7.30 am to 3 pm one week, their dad has them the full weekend the following week.
Am I being unreasonable in not taking them overnight now that her hours have changed? I feel at 50 years old and having done the early mornings and staying home most evenings for 32 years I should now have the freedom to choose when I have them sleep over.
Not be expected to have them every other weekend. I don’t mind if it’s a special occasion and I’m booked in advance but my daughter thinks this is unreasonable and I should have them more than I do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, absolutely NTJ! You’ve done a lot for your daughter by caring for her children as much as you have over the years. You have gone above and beyond what most grandparents do. I think she’s being very rude and extremely ungrateful.
They are her children. She should be watching them more. She already has time on the weekends they are with their dad to go out. She could invite friends over to her home when she has her kids for the weekend or just deal with the fact that being an adult with kids means you don’t get to go out every weekend.
If she wants less time with her children, she should renegotiate her custody agreement with her ex.” EloquentBacon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those are her kids, her responsibility. You’ve done more than enough. As you said, your kids are at an age where they can stay home alone.
This is your time to go out and have fun. You shouldn’t have to put your social life on hold because your daughter wants you to raise her kids. If she really can’t for whatever reason, keep her kids at home on ‘her weekend’, that’s a conversation she needs to have with their father.
You have your own kids and your own life. With her new hours of not working night shifts, she should want to have her kids home with her. What is she doing that the responsibility falls on you?” Wonderful-Lie-650
9. AITJ For Being Upset At My Brother For Choosing To Pick Up A Puppy Over Coming To My Graduation?
“My (28f) brother (26m) was my best friend growing up.
He didn’t feel the same way. I was a lot more awkward as a kid, so I often just followed his friend group around, even though many of them bullied me. He never stood up for me, but when we were alone he went back to being fun and nice so I always forgave him.
When we were teenagers and got part-time jobs, I started buying him birthday and Christmas presents even though he never did the same. Our parents said it was because he’s younger and would eventually, but to this day I have never received a gift from him personally.
Now that we’re adults, I call and text him occasionally to check in, and though he’s nice when he responds, he doesn’t initiate. I figured that was just how he is. I always put more work in, but he’s my brother and I love him.
I’m graduating from graduate school soon, and I invited my whole family out to celebrate. Everyone got a plane ticket and hotel room I’m paying for and it’s been planned out for months. The other day, my brother called me to say that he was picking up a new puppy the day before my graduation and that he couldn’t make it.
Something inside me broke a little. I asked if it really had to be that day if he couldn’t postpone it for a week or something, but he said no dice and to cancel his reservations. I said okay and hung up.
I decided I was done being in a one-way relationship with him, even though I always thought of him as my best friend.
Later, I was talking to our mom and she was saying how excited she is to see us, and I told her, ‘Oh, brother’s not coming.
He chose a dog over me.’ She asked what I was talking about, and I explained. She said she was disappointed but not surprised. Word got out and my brother called me, really hushed and sad, and said what I said wasn’t cool.
I said I just told the truth. He called me a jerk and we haven’t spoken since. I said what I said in anger and bitterness, but now I’m feeling really guilty because I’ve always forgiven my brother and I’ve never heard him sound the way he did on the phone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if I were you I’d take the opportunity to expand on your thoughts in an email or text. He knows you’re upset about this one instance. I’d let him know it’s not just the dog.
That how people act shows their priorities, and you’ve always gotten him presents for birthdays and Christmas, and you always initiate conversation but he never responds in kind. Tell him the fact that he blew off your graduation confirms what you’d been feeling for a long time.
And that you will stop trying so hard to be involved in his life, though it may be difficult for you.
This might give him the wake-up call that it’s more than just deciding to adopt a dog right when you are graduating.
He probably doesn’t know how you are interpreting his actions and how much it bothers you. Once you do this, he will either rise to the occasion or he won’t. This is giving him one last chance. Plenty of people don’t appreciate what they have until they don’t have it anymore.” StraightJacketRacket
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – but I’m wondering if one or both of you are neurodivergent and aren’t good at reading each other’s signals and are not communicating well. It’s a bit unusual for an older sister to be BFFs with their younger brother (sure some siblings are very compatible and close, but a lot aren’t) and to be a part of their friend group, particularly when it seems those friends weren’t always on board with including you.
That puts little brother in an awkward position of choosing between peers and sibling and it’s understandable that he might have wanted to have his own peer group and not always include his older sibling but failed at setting boundaries.
And while he may have loved you he might not have liked hanging out with you so much. I’m wondering where your parents were in all of this when you were growing up: were they pushing to have you two do everything together, so he got resentful of always being told to include his sister?
Did they ever try to help you both establish some healthy space? I think your parents let this misunderstanding go way too far, it seems like they noticed that things weren’t balanced but decided to pretend everything was fine.” Ana_Kinra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe he resents you for following him and his friends around in high school? It’s cute when it’s a little sibling who doesn’t understand and glorifies her big brother, but it’s a little weird when it’s an older sibling glorifying and following around a younger one, even when he and his friends are making it clear they don’t want her around.
He’s a jerk for not rescheduling for something more important, but it sounds like you’ve been pushing an unwanted relationship onto him and are mad that that didn’t force him to have the same relationship towards you.” claygal2023
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Him for allowing his friends to bully you and you for not getting the hint that he doesn’t like you.
At the bare minimum, he should at least get you gifts, but I do think he just sees you as his annoying older sister.
The graduation thing tho is a sign that you need to move on and limit your contact at least till you feel better. He’s not the worst person but that’s actually very hurtful. I would advise you to seek therapy.
Apologize to him for bothering him all these years and not getting his very obvious hints. But tell him that it’s very disappointing that he doesn’t even do the bare minimum like getting gifts, reciprocating affection, etc. And that you have gotten the message clearly that you wish him happiness but you’re going to stop making any effort with him from now on.
Bye.
He’s your distant relative at this point.” User
8. AITJ For Hating The Way My Husband Treats His Dog?
“I’m pregnant and my tolerance is gone. My husband fits into the dog people category of completely humanizing his animal and, in all reality, destroying the dog. He insists on the dog going everywhere with him/us.
He brings her to job interviews, dump runs, laundry runs, and grocery runs and has even brought her with us to the bar several times on our date nights. On the rare chance that he doesn’t bring her, he is saying things like ‘I wonder if she’s thinking about me’ the whole time.
Our relationship has been bulldozed by constantly having her with us. If she was calm and didn’t have anxiety, it probably wouldn’t bother me the way it does.
He has humanized and spoiled her to the point of her having anxiety if she is not physically on him.
She whines constantly. If we are in the vehicle she whines because I’m sitting in the front seat instead of her. If we are trying to sleep, she is whining in her unlocked kennel, staring at us, and wanting to get on the bed to sleep on him.
If he puts his pants on she is literally climbing on him whining, as if to remind him not to forget to bring her wherever he is going.
This morning was already awful for me. I feel like trash (lack of sleep) and just wanted to go back to bed after getting our kid on the bus.
I come back to find that he has gotten the dog on the bed, who takes up my full spot, snuggling her. So I’m already mad but I just go lay on the couch (an ongoing argument I didn’t have energy for).
He then gets up and starts loudly talking to her, ‘burping her’ after she eats, and ‘Aww da baby needs da burpies’. I’m touched out. He asks me to go with him to run errands and starts getting her jacket on.
I say no. Not going. I had planned to but not if the dog goes. He said there was no point leaving her home. Why would he if he could bring her? I told him to go without me then.
I’m not sitting through the constant whining. He says I’m a jerk for ‘blatantly showing how much I hate his dog’ and says he needs my help. I told him to have the dog help him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s torpedoing decisions by taking in a dog at a time you agreed you wouldn’t and he’s a b****y hypocrite. Because you ‘blatantly showing how much I hate his dog’ goes two ways. Meaning he unashamedly informs you that he prioritizes the dog over you and your needs.
So most definitely NTJ. Think this whole relationship through if the animal is the first thing that factors in all of his decisions.
It almost seems to me that if the dog was uncomfortable around your other child, he’d suggest you terminate the pregnancy because the poor thing couldn’t handle the stress of another mini-human.
Why would you stay with such a man?” DynkoFromTheNorth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it is dangerous to bring a baby into a home with an anxious and possessive dog no matter how small she is.
Make that clear. This isn’t a cute attachment.
What happens when he sits down on the couch or bed holding the baby and she gets in there? Scratched baby, scared baby, reactive dog.
He’s being a selfish fool. He needs to seek help in training himself and get out of these habits.
It is not sustainable.
Make it clear OP: that baby doesn’t come in this house if this continues. Make plans to stay with family or a friend or he can.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He says I’m a jerk for ‘blatantly showing how much I hate his dog’ and says he needs my help.’
You didn’t want the dog yet. Then he refuses to train her resulting in a whole slew of undesirable behaviors – many of which are impacting your relationship. Some of which is your husband choosing to favor his relationship with the dog over you.
Something as simple as you don’t like the dog on the bed, and when you return after getting your kid on the bus (where was your husband for that anyway?) to sleep, she’s there with your husband in your spot.
A person can only handle disrespect for so long. They can only handle being treated like a third wheel in their own relationship for so long.
And only interviewing at places that will allow him to bring his pet?
That’s sabotaging the family financially.
On top of that, what he’s done is created a situation where the dog is clearly unhappy and stressed, so he’s not even a good pet dad!
And why does a grown adult need help with running errands? It sounds like your husband is infantilizing himself, and possibly is using the dog to fill an emotional need to be someone’s total fixation.
Which is not healthy.
Everyone reaches their limit.” Kettlewise
7. AITJ For Putting Up A "No Parking" Sign On My Property?
“On my street, we all have driveways for 2 cars and NO on-street parking. For some reason, there was an error on my house deeds and I actually own some land big enough for a car to park in across the street just off the road.
I literally never use it, but sometimes if more than 2 cars turn up at my house at any one time, which hardly ever happens, I tell one of them to park on my land across the street.
Well, my neighbor has just taken in a tenant and he slipped a note through my door to say his tenant needed a place to park because he and his partner were parking on his driveway.
His note said he told his tenant to park on my land across the street, and he left his number so if it was ever in the way I could call him to move it.
I was annoyed that he was just claiming my property like that even though that wouldn’t really cause me any problems. I took a deep breath and told him I wouldn’t mind it if it was rarely if they had nowhere else to park but that’s it.
Since then either he or his partner or his tenant has parked on my land across the street every day and all weekends the last month. My land is basically theirs now.
So I told him to stop parking there and I bought a no parking sign and safety bollards and tape and taped off my land across the street so no one could park there.
AITJ? It was causing me no problems whatsoever with him parking there, but it was MY PROPERTY that he just claimed as his, so I was mad and now my land is just empty every day while he and his partner and his tenant struggle to park every day.
By the way, they would not have paid for the space either, so telling them they could use it and pay me for it wasn’t going to happen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The moment he assumed they could use it is the moment they were complete jerks.
They could have knocked and asked, had you said no, then you would be in your rights, not a jerk but just not very neighborly. They didn’t, they didn’t even give you the chance, you were then very understanding and they’ve taken advantage.
Charge them parking fees.
Talk to your local council. Start taking pictures each day.” TabularConferta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s your land and you can choose to do with it as you see fit.
He should have never told his tenant to park there without speaking to you first, rather than telling you after the fact that the tenant was going to start parking there.
I can see why you’re upset even if you’re not using the land.
If they’re unwilling to pay you a fee to park there (which is a reasonable request), they can just find other parking accommodations instead that are less convenient.
Not your problem.” MauserGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, either way but I’m kind of on the fence about how harshly to judge neighbor.
If the neighbor is charging new tenant rent, then he is a shady dude who is trying to take advantage of you… In that case, he ought to be offering to pay you for use of the space and you should have no guilt about restricting access.
If the new tenant is the neighbor’s family member who he took in temporarily or something, then I’d maybe consider lightening up on them a tad. Not that they are entitled to your spot, but it changes from being a neighbor actively taking advantage of you, to a neighbor who doesn’t have many good options and was hoping you’d take pity on them.
Either way, your spot, your rules.” jmgolden33
6. AITJ For Not Walking The Dog And Letting My Partner Do It Instead?
“I’m a nurse. I used to get home from work and our dog would be by the door waiting because she got used to the time I’d be home.
I’d then take her for a quick walk. She got used to it and it turned into a habit. I was working night shifts only pretty consistently until now.
My partner refuses to wake up at night when she comes barking at our door and acts likes he is dead asleep or just point-blank says no. I then have to wake up and do it.
Yesterday night at 3 AM I went to the bathroom as soon as I genuinely needed it but then she woke up and wanted to go for her walk. I could hear my partner calling me but I stayed in the bathroom a while longer to prompt him to get up and take her on a walk because I have told him time and time again it’s unfair that I always have to do it.
He did end up doing it but was pretty mad about it and said I created this issue and should deal with it to fix it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you trained the dog badly and now you’re putting your mistake as more important than your partner’s needs.
I’d actually leave you, no cap. You’ve woken this poor man up multiple times because of your own decision making and you’re holding your dog over his head and forcing him to partake in your entirely awful decision-making. If your dog barks you tell it no. It ain’t that hard.
If it doesn’t listen, congratulations, that’s what you get for not training it. Keep telling it no. It’ll learn eventually. Entirely your fault and top-tier psychotic behavior to legitimately sleep deprive your SO by waking them up in the middle of the night because you refuse to learn how to plan around having a dog.” Potential-Garbage-14
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First off, 3 am is a ridiculous time for dog walking. However, if you were working nights and this time worked best for you, then I get it. Dogs need exercise so you walked them when you could.
However, you’re not working nights anymore. You need to get the dog on a new schedule. YOU are the one who got the dog on the routine of 3 am walks, NOT your partner.
It’s completely asinine to demand someone to wake up at 3 in the morning to walk the dog.
If you want to keep the dog on a 3 am walk schedule, then YOU can get your butt out of bed to do so. You created this mess, either do it yourself or start a new routine.
I’m appalled. I can’t understand how you think you’re in the right.
Completely ridiculous.” pajamasarenice
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Your dog has gotten into a routine, yes, but a few days of consistent changes, and she’ll break the habit. You don’t need to pander to it, it won’t hurt her to ignore her barking (annoying for your sleep as it may be) until she realizes this is no longer the time she gets walked. You and he should be walking her at a time that suits you both, not when she decides.
Assuming her needs are met, of course. A high-energy dog that isn’t being suitably exercised will obviously act up and be restless, but assuming that’s fine, the dog will settle once you stop giving into ‘rewarding’ her and reinforcing the routine.” JCaerso92
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move To A House Located Next To A School?
“I (F32) am married to John (M27), we have been married for 4 years and had been struggling for a while, renting and trying to survive paycheck to paycheck. It’s just us and our dog.
John’s dad died in 2020, and his mom also got sick, even though she survived, was left with serious health problems, they both smoked a lot.
But some months ago, his mom got a heart attack and died. We are still grieving because they were amazing people and they were amazing in-laws to me.
When his dad died, he left some inheritance and left the rest to the mom, but she didn’t spend what was left, and so all that she originally got plus her own savings and life insurance got inherited by John.
So he ended up with a huge amount. We aren’t exactly Elon Musk, but compared to our previous economic situation, it is amazing. Then we realized that we could go and find our dream home.
We searched for houses for a while, and then found a beautiful little 3-bedroom house, no HOA, with a nice backyard, in a nice neighborhood.
We went to see it and loved it, but while we were leaving realized that there was an elementary school right next by. There was a long queue of cars and could hear the children screaming and playing. John and I do not want children, I don’t hate children, but when I was little my dad’s house was next to a school and it was miserable, you can hear every single thing the kids do and the cars of the parents picking their kids up makes it impossible to transit.
I told John that I didn’t want to buy the house because of the school and he asked me if I was crazy, this is a huge opportunity and it doesn’t matter if there are some kids around. But I do not want to live next to a school.
He says I’m being unreasonable and we can’t let this opportunity go away, but I won’t feel comfortable living there.
It turned into a screaming match and he was yelling so much that I got scared of him and called my friend to go out for the night.
We went to a bar so I could try not to think about this whole thing and got wasted, so I ended up at her place, she, while still tipsy, told me I was crazy and my husband was right.
This surprised me because she supported me when she was sober, but I think this is her true opinion.
This morning he texted me 100 times asking if I had come to my senses. I still haven’t come home.
Am I the jerk for refusing to buy this house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both of you have to think it’s your dream home in order for it to actually be your dream home. Take the time to look and find something that’s right for both of you.
Buying a property often makes people so anxious, thinking they’re going to miss out, but there’s always another home you’ll like. Buying something that has a feature one or the other of you know you don’t like is unwise.
It almost always sets you up for immediately looking for something better, which isn’t what you want when you buy your home.
On another note, your husband is way wrong for getting so upset and angry he made you fearful.
Not ok. That’s an even bigger issue to contemplate than the house, in my opinion.” LovingOutside
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
He’s obviously still grieving and may be rushing into things. You obviously believe it’s a dream house, with a pretty bad location.
You’re talking from experience, and John should respect that.
Your home location can’t be changed. Everything else can be rebuilt, renovated, or removed. But the location will always be the same.
You should both sit down and have a talk about your priorities and what is an absolute no for each of you.
And it’s his inheritance, from losing both of his parents in a short timeframe. His temperament is understandable, but he shouldn’t be lashing out at you.” Teh_Hammerer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If it’s next to a school, it’s not your dream home, is it?
There are downsides to living right next to a school, and you have identified them. For you, these are bad enough to mean that this otherwise ideal house isn’t suitable for you. That’s a reasonable position to have.
For your husband, the school is basically irrelevant, and the house is ideal.
But I think you might be wrong. You don’t want kids, so presumably you expect to have a full-time job, which means that at the times when parents are dropping off and picking up their kids from school, you aren’t home.
So I’d really ask yourself whether this actually affects you as much as you think.” _mmiggs_
4. AITJ For Getting A Big Tattoo?
“So ten years ago, around when I met my husband I got my first tattoo. Nothing crazy, just a flower on my ankle. As he was a new partner at the time, I didn’t really pay attention to his feelings or cues.
A few years after we married and had our first child, I decided I wanted a light blue tattoo on my inner wrist to represent me and my baby A. And he was huffy but didn’t say why. So I got it.
Three years later I wanted another small one for a Friday the 13th Special, and that’s when he finally told me he didn’t like tattoos. He didn’t give reasons, but he said he didn’t like them. However, he didn’t stop me when I got something representing our favorite video game.
Afterward, we had a long discussion about how much I have always wanted them, how they are important to me, and the styles I like vs. what he hated.
When my dad recently passed, it was hard, but he knew that eventually, I’d want a memorial tattoo.
He remembered that, and though he was sarcastic about it but said he understood and wouldn’t stop me. So today I saved the final amount needed and went to my appointment. I got a very colorful rooster, about the size of my palm.
I loved it so much. He saw it and is super mad. He’s barely talking to me and is asleep. I want to peel my skin off immediately. I now hate it and want to undo it because I hate that he’s mad at me.
But he approved the design, it’s just bigger than he expected. Was I wrong for getting it?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You like tattoos, he doesn’t. He still tried to support you and as it seems he never blocked your choices over YOUR BODY.
Yes, your body, your choice. But he said he doesn’t find them appealing so if you get them regardless you have to live with the consequences.
The consequence might be that his attraction to your body sinks, which is a thing nobody can criticize.
Everybody has his own preferences when it comes to attraction and for some people, tattoos can be a turn-off. Your husband might be someone who thinks like that.” International-You442
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The man hates tattoos. He was honest about it, still tried to be supportive, and even went so far as to try and construct one with you despite the fact he hates them.
Nowhere is he a jerk.
You like them. That’s fine. You have a right to do with your body what you want. But being in a relationship is about considering your SO’s feelings too, not just your own. While personally, I would refrain from getting tattoos if I knew my SO didn’t like them, discussing it and agreeing on an acceptable design is a perfectly reasonable way to go.
The reason you’re a jerk is you hid the size from him. You know he hates tattoos and he’s still working with you on solutions. You knew how big it was going to be and chose not to be upfront about that information, that makes you a jerk.” The-Senate-Palpy
Another User Comments:
“He is allowed his preference, what is pushing this into NTJ territory for me is that he festered over this for 10 years. 10 years of him being annoyed about it without communicating it beyond snide remarks and huffs.
Then he tells you, is sarcastic about the memorial tattoo you’ve been wanting and planning, and now doesn’t talk to you.
He is allowed his feelings, he is allowed to see you differently, he is allowed to feel less attracted to you, and he is allowed to take his time to manage his own emotions and feel what he feels.
He has also been absolutely horrible about communicating this to you in anything but sarcasm, huffs, snide remarks and not speaking to you. It comes across to me like he almost resents that you haven’t magically adhered to a preference he never communicated that he had, and it kept slipping out in hurtful ways over the years, and now when he finally told you and you still got the memorial rooster, those 10 years of annoyance is seeping out all at once.
That makes him the jerk here for me.” chonkosaurusrexx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (light)
You admit to not paying attention to his feelings originally. Then the third tattoo he told you he hates them. Maybe he told you he hated them the first time you got a tattoo and didn’t communicate well with you the second time because he thought you paid attention to his feelings the first time.
We do not have enough information to know who is the jerk for communication, so I think it’s both of you. I’m not saying a significant other should have a say in what you do with your body, but a significant other should at least pay attention to their partner’s feelings when they express them.
Onto the tattoos. No jerks but there are consequences. He is allowed to have a preference. You know he does and get things done to your body that he doesn’t like. You’re allowed to do that and should do what makes you happy!
But it’s pretty obvious this will continue to affect your relationship and for future tattoos, you should make the decision knowing that.” herecomes_the_sun
of it correct ? Anyone who has any problem can jerk right off you qrr 100000% NTJ
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter To Go Swimming?
“My (31f) daughter (15f) is extremely insecure about her body, she mentioned to me a few months back before she started therapy that she doesn’t like wearing swimming costumes because it makes her insecure.
Fast forward to today, I went swimming with my husband 30m and her half-siblings (9m, 6m, and 4f) while she was out shopping. When I went to pick her up my youngest son told her about how fun going swimming was, she didn’t say anything but when we went home she asked me why I didn’t invite her.
I explained to her she mentioned she feels insecure in a swimming costume and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. She then told me that she doesn’t feel like that anymore since therapy and I could’ve asked. I said to her that there was no way I could’ve known that and I just wanted to be sensitive to her situation.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t make decisions on other people’s behalf unless they’ve told you previously their feelings on the subject specifically. I get that your intention was to prevent her from feeling bad, but avoiding difficult situations isn’t a good way to get around that.
You could have just said you were thinking of going swimming and asked her if she’d like to join, but leave it open for her to decline depending on how she felt. That would have been the ideal solution.” Marcuse0
Another User Comments:
“Well, now that you know she would be comfortable going swimming and wearing a bathing suit in public, you can absolutely invite your daughter to go swimming with the family.
But you aren’t a mindreader and her therapy sessions are private.
How could you know about her change in attitude? You aren’t a mind reader.
Don’t feel bad you went swimming, and you did it when she was out doing something fun, too. It doesn’t seem like she was too upset you went and did something you know she had been uncomfortable doing.
And it doesn’t sound like she has been trying to stop anybody else in the family from going swimming, either. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“Way to exclude your daughter from your new family. She told you she felt insecure about wearing a swimming costume so you excluded her from a family day out for this reason?
Doesn’t compute for me. What about the fact that it was a day out for the family? Or that she could’ve still gone swimming wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Seems to me you found a great excuse not to include her and you made it seem right simply by saying she felt insecure about wearing swimmers.
YTJ.” ireadrot
2. AITJ For Not Being Able To Pay The Gardener Because I'm Scared Of Birds?
“I (f17) was at home this morning alone and my mum asked me if I would pay the gardener with cash she’d left on the worktop whilst she was at work. Fast forward a couple of hours the gardeners are in the garden and I go out and pay him but stop when I realize that our chickens are all over the garden and right by the patio door.
Background information: Three years ago my parents decided to get chickens and asked my younger brothers (m15,14) and me what we thought. I am deathly scared of birds after being attacked by a seagull as a child and have panic attacks if one touches me/gets too close to me.
I immediately said no, however, I was outvoted. My mum promised only six and that they would be kept in their fenced-off area at the top of the garden. Three years later and we now have 12 and they get out ALL the time.
(My youngest brother plays cruel tricks on me such as putting a chicken in my bed whilst I’m sleeping so I wake up screaming and having a panic attack.)
So I texted my mum explaining that they were out again and that I wasn’t comfortable going outside and if she could ask my youngest brother to do it as he loves the chickens and he didn’t have to get ready for work as I did.
She says yes that she’s texted him and that he’s agreed to do it and will put the chickens away.
When I go to give him the money he goes mental telling me that I’m lazy and faking my phobia and calling me some horrible names.
I text my parents on our family group to let them know what’s happened. Suddenly, everyone’s texting me calling me a lazy jerk and that I have plenty of time to get ready for work. I feel like I’m NTJ because I have set boundaries regarding the chickens and no one in my family respects them but I’m doubting myself due to all the texts I’m receiving.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I do doubt the intensity of fear for birds. I get a seagull flying at you and attacking is traumatic, but even scared of walking past a few loose chickens in quite a big yard?
Birds are everywhere on every street and corner. Seeing there was not even something to think of to talk to or reach the gardener.. how do you go outside to your job?
Also, you are upset everyone is scolding you and calling you.
But what else was your intention than a reaction from everyone seeing you had to tattle on your brother in the group chat? Why not just contact your mom privately? You wanted everyone in that chat to react, intended it as them scolding your brother.
That backfired and you got scolded. Most likely for making a big deal out of something you could have easily found a solution for yourself seeing you are 17.
Everyone sucks here.” Lucys243
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You called and talked to your mother about the chickens that weren’t where they were supposed to be, and your mom said she would ask your brother who is likely the culprit to the chickens being let out of their pen.
I don’t think I understand how it went from Yeah, no problem I’ll ask your brother to everybody including your parents turning on you. Seems toxic, you might want to get out of there as soon as you are old enough to leave.” Tristan-Dilts
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You couldn’t yell out a door or window to the gardener to come over? Come on. There should have been a number of options for getting him the money without getting near the chickens.
Try problem-solving. And get some counseling to overcome your irrational fear. (Though if there’s a rooster it might be a rational fear – some are downright mean). Also, experiment with ways to control them – the hose, hawk noises from your phone, etc. You sound a little histrionic which if true could be fueling the extreme reaction from your family.
Ask your counselor. Having to get ready for work is a bogus excuse, too. You had a couple of hours to figure out a solution and get the poor guy his money.
Your little bro is the jerk. For the pranks, for downplaying your fears, and for refusing to make the absolutely minimal effort to pay the gardener.
It’s such a small ask.
Your mom is the jerk for not making sure the chickens weren’t out and not texting the gardener specific instructions like ‘Knock on the back door at 10:30 and OP will pay you’. Both your parents are wrong going off on you.
The gardener is a person performing a service for your family who deserves to get paid promptly per his agreement with your parents. That should be everyone’s first concern. What a household of self-centered awful jerks.” Curious-One4595
1. AITJ For Using My Husband As An Excuse To Bail Out Of The Bachelorette Party?
“Married for 8 years, 3 kids. My husband’s older brother ‘Scott’ is engaged to his fiancée ‘Laura.’ I’m in the wedding party, more for numbers/tradition than because we actually have a close relationship.
My husband and Scott aren’t that close either so I didn’t really expect to be BFFs with Laura.
Even though we’re not close I agreed to go away for her weekend bachelorette. It was me, Laura, and the three other bridesmaids.
We arrived Thurs and it was supposed to be through Sunday. Once at the house though, there were multiple things that rubbed me the wrong way, for example, I said something about my alma mater and another bridesmaid was a little too surprised and said oh I’m confused I thought you didn’t work which is true but it’s how she said it.
I’m a decade younger than the rest of them so there were multiple condescending jokes there about me not being able to relate to something. On top of that though, to be honest, it was just… boring. Her friends were low energy and negative and Laura and her maid of honor didn’t really plan much in advance.
I’m a social person I can get along pretty well in new settings but they weren’t giving me much to work with.
My husband called Friday night (24 hours in) to chat and update me and mentions in passing that kid2 was upset because he didn’t play well at his game that day and they lost. Other than that it was business as usual, he said all the typical stuff about the kids missing me.
Later in the conversation, I said I’m bored, these women don’t like me, I’d rather leave and he said then leave, screw it. I said I might leave. But then one of the kids interrupted so we didn’t finish the convo.
But an hour later I went to Laura and was like oh my kids are having a hard time, kid2 is having a hard time, I need to be home and be there for them. I was vague intentionally. I expected her to not care but again I think for a number of reasons she was annoyed about it.
But Laura, of course, told Scott why I left and it turned into Scott/Laura ‘jokingly’ saying my husband couldn’t handle his own kids which struck a nerve with him. Even my MIL called to be like ‘What’s this I hear about my son not pulling his own weight?’ We blew off Scott/Laura and, of course, I told MIL the truth but my husband is hurt and upset and feels I threw him under the bus.
My husband is a much more direct person, if he’d been in my shoes he would have picked a fight after one of the little comments and then left. He would rather I just be confrontational and be honest and tell Laura or let him tell Laura/Scott that I left because the party sucked and I didn’t feel welcome.
He thinks I threw him and his ability to be a parent under the bus to avoid conflict, which in a way is true but I don’t think what I did is that abnormal or unfair. I’ve reassured him that it really was because I wanted to come home not because I didn’t think he could handle the kids or anything like that, but he’s still upset.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Once the jokes started you should’ve corrected them. You left for your kids. Plenty of parents hear their child is having a hard time and go home regardless of who is in charge and if it’s handled or not.
Whatever you thought you were doing to avoid drama didn’t work, so you might as well be truthful. These people are going to cause problems whether you be nice about it or not. Don’t ruin your relationship trying to play nice with people you don’t care for and don’t want to be around anyway.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your husband simply said leave if you want to leave. In response, you made him look like an incompetent parent to do so. Hardly fair to him at all, and you’d be mad if he made you look like a bad mother to your family as an excuse.
You did throw him under the bus. What makes it worse is he had your back. He didn’t tell you to ‘stick it out’ for the sake of family. He was willing to deal with any blowback of you leaving his brother’s fiancée’s Bachelorette party.
I don’t blame him for being angry about how you made him look.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You accepted the responsibility of being a bridesmaid, part of that responsibility is planning and attending a bachelorette party. If you thought things were boring, you should have figured out some fun stuff to do, pulled the maid of honor aside, and gently suggested them without being critical.
To be honest, the things that rubbed you the wrong way seem pretty mild and it’s a little unclear why they offended you. For example, what were you reading into in regard to the surprise about the alma matter?
That she was surprised you attended college at all? And the ‘not being able to relate’ seems like a pretty common way for older people to acknowledge an age gap and cut the tension about it.
Instead of bailing you could have been an adult about it and gently told people individually that the age stuff was making you uncomfortable if it was that bad.
There were only 4 others, this would have been doable.
So in short, you committed to a responsibility, took no responsibility or effort to fix the bad time you were having, bailed on a major part of the responsibility, and threw your husband under the bus on the way out.
So yeah, YTJ.” CopaCaBabe
YTJ