People Seek Approval For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Giving My Parents' Rings To My Sister?
“My parents divorced when I was little and my dad passed away when I was 16. After he died, my siblings and I all took things from his house to remember him. I was the youngest (we are 7 in total) and didn’t have the opportunity to take memory-filled furniture but my siblings did.
He also had a watch collection and everyone took one. There was none left for me so I asked if I could take the wedding ring my dad had kept safe. They all said yes because it was one of the only things I could take.
Afterward, my mum gave me her old wedding ring so that I have them both. I used both of them to put on a necklace that I wear (I could remove them from the necklace if I wanted to).
Now, my sister asked me if she could have them because she wants to get married. I said no and now she, and one of my brothers, are calling me selfish.
I don’t actually plan on using them for marriage but I wanted them as a memory. My mum and other siblings agree with me but my sister and one brother say it’s useless for me to keep it as a necklace.
Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
They’re your rings, and she gave up the right to them when she picked other items from your dad. But her wanting to use them for her wedding is understandable, especially if it wasn’t something she was thinking about when your dad passed away.
So, I think ‘no jerks here’ is the best answer.
Just talk to her OP, maybe you can trade them for some other sentimental items? But if not she just has to accept that they’re yours and move on.” LineOfInquiry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sister got something that was meaningful to her back when you were 16. If I read correctly, no one wanted dad’s wedding ring, so you got it. Then mom GAVE OP her wedding ring directly. So an actual personal gift from one person to another, not left after death.
Sister needs to pound sand. If she wanted dad’s ring so bad for sentimental reasons, she should have asked for it at the time. But everyone agreed you could have it (ie no one wanted it) so it was given to OP.
Sister had a chance and missed out on this, oh well.
Mom’s ring is another story entirely. Mom gave it to OP. It was a direct gift, sister never had any involvement or possibly to ‘get’ it. Sister has no right to that or any other gifts given to OP.
Did mom give OP birthday gifts as a child that sister wants now too? Get lost.” mbemom
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You were given the rings, you love the rings, you cherish them. That’s wonderful. You have every right to want to keep them if you so choose.
However, I’d just like to point out, that weddings (and funerals) stir up all sorts of emotions in people. Your sister is getting married, and part of that process is re-examining what it means to be a family and the realization that her father isn’t going to be there on her big day.
This isn’t to say you should give her the rings. Just to say that it would benefit both of you in the short term and long term if you can try to keep this discussion civil, and understand where each other is coming from, and actually have a discussion, not an argument.
Otherwise, this incident can have consequences for you and your entire family for a long time.” Scott10orman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your siblings left you with the scraps they didn’t want and now they’re coming back around like vultures and gave the nerve to call you selfish?!
What your sister said to you about not remembering them was incredibly cruel and tasteless. If any of them truly cared they would have distributed his items equitably in order to include you, they did not do that. Instead, they all took what they wanted and said you could have what’s left and you did.
They don’t get to come back around now to make claims to what’s yours.” rocklandguy324
20. AITJ For Putting My Biological Mother's Name In My Yearbook And Not My Stepmom's?
“I (17m) am graduating high school in a little over a month. Our school for the past three years has done a digital book where there’s a photo of the graduates, our names, and the names of our parents (and siblings if you have any).
I submitted my form a couple of weeks ago. I listed my mom as my mother and my dad as my father. My mom died when I was 5 and my dad married my stepmom when I was 8.
My dad wanted to change the mother’s name to my stepmom’s name when he got sent an advanced copy, something all parents can sign up to get.
I told him I don’t want it changed. That my mom’s name should be on there and not my stepmom’s. He told me she’ll be hurt if she doesn’t get named but mom does, since she has been with me throughout most of my school life, and that it would be a small thing and listing someone who is actually here to know.
He said everyone knows I love my mom but I can and should love my stepmom too and show this kind of appreciation for all she has done for me. He said he didn’t say anything about me not naming my stepsiblings.
But a line must be drawn about my stepmom.
I told him he is not allowed to change it and that is final and if he does I will speak to the teacher in charge of putting the graduation book together.
Dad told me I am being unreasonable and hurting someone for no reason at all.
I know my stepmom would want to be in the book and will be hurt by this. But I will hate her being named as my mother because to me, she is not, and I don’t want her to be my mother.
She’s my stepmom and that’s enough.
Dad told me I am very close to being grounded for speaking to him the way I did and for not considering other people’s feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your father wants to list his new wife in the digital version of his high school yearbook, that is his choice.
He can’t dictate who YOU list in your high school yearbook. If your stepmom is bothered AT ALL seeing you put your mom in your yearbook, that is your stepmom’s problem.
The mistake your father is making is assuming your choice to list your bio mom says something (anything at all, good or bad) about your stepmom.
I view it as, you still love your mom, even after she’s dead. That’s the only logical way to view it. And nobody else has a right to feel offended over the fact that you love your mom! (sheesh!)” Background-Lab-4896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a mom & it’s not your stepmom. That’s how you feel & nobody has a right to dictate how you should feel regarding your relationship with her. If you wanted, you could add her name along with your mom & dad listing her as your stepmom, but that’s completely up to you & all right if you don’t do it.
Your dad is out of line for pressuring, guilting, & trying to punish you for not adding her. Talk with your teacher & make it clear that under no circumstances do you want or give permission for your stepmom to be listed or replace your mom in your yearbook.
Also add that you only want your mom & dad’s names listed so he can’t sneak in stepmom & stepsiblings, too.
This is your graduation & yearbook which makes it your choice. If your dad doesn’t like it that’s tough because you’re not wrong for having this boundary.
As your dad, he needs to stop prioritizing her feelings & start respecting yours. He’s wrong here. Not you.” DearOP_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your dad why he is being dismissive of your feelings and disrespectful of the woman who brought you into this world.
Your mom didn’t leave you she died. She would have been there to raise you growing up had it not been for her death. So he needs to stop acting like she abandoned you and deserved to be replaced by your stepmom.
Also, you never asked for your stepmother to raise you. You were a child who had no say in the matter. It was a choice that was foisted on you by your father.
Also, remind your father that you will be 18 soon.
He can ground you now but that tactic won’t work once you’re an adult. So what type of relationship does he want to have with you once you are 18? One with mutual respect or one where you are distant because your father doesn’t respect your boundaries.” Such-Awareness-2960
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Break Up With My Baby's Father?
“I (24f) have a cousin, Krystal (26f) and we aren’t close. I see her a handful of times a year at family gatherings and every time I see her she goes on and on about Jeremy’s brother who she’s in love with but they can’t be together because of ABC.
Krystal has a best friend, Jeremy, they’ve known each other since 2nd grade. Anyway, I started working as a teacher in special ed, and I met Victor (34m) and a few months ago we started talking frequently because his daughter Cali (6f) had an accident, and after that, we sort of hit it off one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together and now am 5 months pregnant.
I had to stop working at the school because it’s a mission school and having a pregnant unmarried teacher is not acceptable. I’ve been staying with my mom until things become stable.
Last week was Victor’s mother’s birthday and I was invited to attend, it was my first time meeting his family and when I got there Krystal was also there.
Turns out Jeremy is Victor’s younger brother. Victor’s family is lovely and the dinner went smoothly but when I got home Krystal called me and blew up about how I betrayed her and that I baby-trapped him and how I only did this to spite her.
I told her I didn’t know that Victor was the Victor she spoke about but she called nonsense and even got the parents involved. Her parents and a few cousins called me a few choice names.
I met up with Victor and told him what was going on and he told me that there was nothing going on between him and Krystal and that he didn’t know that she felt that way, he offered for me to move in with him because he didn’t want me to be stressed. Jeremy started telling his family that I baby-trapped his brother because I was trying to make my cousin jealous and that I was a gold-digger but Victor and his mother set the record straight with everyone who had something to say and now Jeremy is fighting with his family.
Krystal reached out last night and told me that the only way I could rectify what I’ve done is by leaving V and telling him that I planned everything but I feel like that’s unfair because my child deserves to have their father in their life.
My mom and Krystal’s mom have been fighting non-stop. Both families are fighting because I didn’t ask enough questions and I just feel awful, I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t knowingly betray anyone & even if you’d known it was the same guy, she didn’t own him nor was going out with him, and it sounds like he wasn’t even aware of her intentions, to begin with.
Your cousin’s actions are more like a petty teenager over boy drama instead of acting like an adult and accepting that she didn’t make her move soon enough. That’s what happens when you have feelings for someone and never tell them; someone else is gonna make their move first. If you want a chance you need to act before the next person, and that’s true for all relationships.
NTJ, your cousin needs to grow up though, going around thinking she’s so important that her cousin’s gonna get knocked up just to spite her, I’d laugh in her face and say she’s not that important. LOL.” Confident-Island-684
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your baby deserves to have a father in his life. If you break up, you are denying your child at least a good and cordial relationship between his parents. If you admit to something you didn’t do, you will not only set yourself up to be shunned all your life, but your baby might also suffer the consequences.
Please please think about your baby above everything else. That is your priority the moment you decided to become a parent.
Also, did you guys use birth control? Because if not, that was very irresponsible.” practical-junkie
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation, but based on what you’ve shared, you are NTJ in this scenario.
You did not intentionally try to hurt or deceive Krystal, and you were not aware of the connection between Victor and Jeremy prior to meeting Victor. It’s also unfair for Krystal to expect you to end your relationship and potentially deprive your child of a father.
It’s understandable that emotions are running high, but it’s important for everyone involved to take a step back and try to approach this situation calmly and rationally. Perhaps it would be helpful to have a family meeting to clear the air and discuss how to move forward.
Remember to prioritize the well-being of yourself and your child in all decisions you make.” rusinakeisari
18. AITJ For Not Taking My Jerk Brother To The Gym?
“I (23F) live with my dad and brother (18) while I start my career. My dad and brother are both gym buffs and hate missing the gym even once.
My brother is a college student and I currently work in retail while I apply for jobs in my degree subject so we often have free time overlapping. My brother cannot drive but I can so he relies on me to take him to the gym.
My brother and I do not have the best relationship. We never see eye to eye, he bullies me for being ‘fat’ and we argue often. My brother is still going through his rebellious teenage phase.
Anyway, last night I came home from an 8hr shift at work and was feeling drained because I had food poisoning the day before so I just wanted to relax and go to bed. The first thing my brother asked was if I would take him to the gym at 8 am and pick him up after.
I was reluctant because I started work at 10 am and didn’t want to be made late. He promised so I agreed. Afterward, I called my SO and, as my brother often does, he started trying to talk to me which I usually do, and let him get involved with my and my SO’s chats for a while but last night I really just wanted to talk to my SO (I have bad depression and was struggling a bit).
Because I didn’t really want to talk, my brother started shouting at me and kept calling me a stupid cow so I said I wouldn’t take him to the gym if I was a stupid cow. He begged me but I stood my ground.
This morning my brother begged again but I still said no. He called my dad at work to tell him and my dad says I’m the jerk for not taking my brother and sometimes he says things he doesn’t mean.
I said I was fed up with rewarding my brother’s behavior.
The thing is, my dad has this ridiculous rule where we aren’t allowed to shower at home because we all have gym memberships so can shower there so my brother wanted to go for a workout and a shower.
I may be the jerk here because I could have taken him but I just feel like I’m enabling his behavior towards me and I don’t want to be late for work.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Whoa. Super weird family dynamic here, for your sake, OP, I hope you can get out of this living situation as soon as possible.
It sounds like your younger brother is rather verbally abusive, with absolutely no sort of discipline from your father (in fact, it almost sounds exactly like the Gym Bro Thing that would be supported, verbal insults about weight to get you motivated for the gym and all that nonsense).
Not being able to shower at home is weird, and an 18-year-old brother with no other mode of transportation but yourself is, as I’ve stated previously, weird. Sure, every now and again, but acting as a personal chauffeur for a young healthy adult is… strange?
To say the least. Again, NTJ, your brother needs a reality check, your father is stuck in the past, I wish you a swift escape to a nice place with your SO very soon.” 3arfield
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father and brother are misogynistic jerks… to be nice about it.
My guess is that they think that it’s the woman’s job to keep the house and cook and clean for them (and also hold down a full-time job) while they laze away at home.
Your brother can go with your dad really early in the morning… and then again in the afternoon.
You don’t have to be involved at all.
He also can step up and get his driver’s license and then he can do what he likes. Maybe suggest he get a pushbike and that can be part of his training… and he should be fit enough so that on the way home he won’t get so sweaty he’ll need another shower when he gets home.
My suggestion would be to as soon as you find a job with your degree… move out and your brother and dad can fend for themselves.” KitchenDismal9258
17. AITJ For Wanting To Share A Bed With My Friend?
“My (22F) best friend (21F) and I have been best friends since kindergarten, nearly 2 decades.
For the entirety of our friendship, we’ve had sleepovers and when we have sleepovers, we’ve ALWAYS slept in the same bed. That’s simply a staple of our sleepovers, it’s not a sleepover if we don’t.
We’re both night owls and even once we’re done with our activities for the night and lay down to sleep, we’ll talk in the dark until we pass out.
Now here’s a speedbump I’ve never thought of: my SO just moved in with me fairly recently and my best friend and I have arranged a sleepover.
I casually say to my SO: ‘Hey, (best friend) is coming over, so would you be alright if we took the bed and you sleep in the living room?’
He was shocked. He says, ‘Orrrrr (best friend) can sleep in the living room and we sleep in OUR bed?’
The fact that he wasn’t cool with sleeping in the living room didn’t really shock me, so I say, ‘Okay, then (best friend) and I will just sleep in the living room and you can have the bed.’
He doesn’t like that either! He is deadset on the idea that we sleep together and guests sleep separately. But she’s my BEST FRIEND, this has been the routine for YEARS and I don’t really view it as that big of a deal. Even when I had a fight with my mother when I was 19 and asked if I could stay at her place, she let her SO take their bed and she slept on the tiny couch in the living room with me.
I would just feel bizarre being like, ‘Okay, goodnight!’ and leaving her in the living room. I can’t describe it, it’s just weird.
Thoughts? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (yet). At the moment it sounds like just one of those disagreements you have sometimes in a relationship and have to learn to navigate together.
You have tried to compromise by sleeping on the sofa instead of the bed. Try having a conversation about what is upsetting him so much about this situation, and why it’s important to you. If he is refusing to allow this situation with one friend, for one night even understanding how important she is to you then he might be the jerk, but I’m reserving that judgment right now because it might just be that he doesn’t understand.
I think a lot of people socialized as males in the West don’t understand very close friendships that involve physical closeness (e.g. platonic hand-holding, kissing, spooning, etc).” No-Significance-1627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one night. You gave him two options and he is unwilling to compromise.
Sleeping apart for one night shouldn’t be that big of a deal. You sleep with him probably almost every day, he should understand you want to spend more time with your best friend for a night. That’s the whole point of doing a sleepover.
Personally, I would prefer the second option of you and your best friend sleeping in the living room. It’s a little weird for your SO to be kicked out of his own bed and if I was your best friend, I wouldn’t want to sleep in a bed that you share with your SO because I’m sure the both of you have slept together on it countless times.” p_0456
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but there appears to be a lot of miscommunication regarding expectations for this event. You are viewing this as a girl’s night sleepover, but your SO is viewing it as a house guest…
and those 2 events are a completely different vibe. How does your best friend view the upcoming get-together? What are your SO’s plans for the night? Is he going to be the 3rd wheel? I suspect sleeping arrangements aren’t the only thing that will get awkward if he’s lurking around while you guys are hanging out.
I think there are some conversations that need to be had here so that nobody feels left out or disregarded.” CatDog4565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You continuing to hold this tradition with your best friend sounds so wonderful and healing to your inner child.
I wish I was still this close to some of my childhood friends and I hope you two can continue your friendship for more decades to come. It is so strange that your SO is denying you something that sounds to be incredibly innocent.
His being upset by the idea of sleeping on the couch makes sense but his also being upset by the two of you setting up camp in the living room makes no sense. Did he give you an actual explanation for his feelings on this or is he just being controlling for no reason other than perhaps jealousy?” cookiecoven
16. AITJ For Not Naming My Son "Peter"?
“My (25F) fiancé (27M) and I have a 2-month-old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name.
Let’s say it’s ‘Peter’. This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they’re very serious about it. My fiancé’s eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter and would’ve been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won’t get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family.
My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first, seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to ‘think about the name Peter now.’
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and that we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother’s sake and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it’s true we don’t have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn’t feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn’t previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family’s sake.
They said our decision was selfish, and that my family ‘should have moved on by now.’
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal of my grandmother and uncle’s memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son’s name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé’s parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family.
He assures me he’s fine, but I’m starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your baby. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter about traditions or promises. If you and your fiancé don’t want to name your son something for any reason under the sun, you’re not obliged to.
As for your guilt, the only thing that comes to mind is something my therapist once told me. You’re only responsible for your own actions and decisions. His family is making their individual and collective decision(s) to literally shun their own flesh and b***d rather than forsake a tradition.
That’s not on you, your fiancé, or your son. You also need to trust your fiancé when he says not to worry. He’s doing what’s right, and choosing to stand by his future wife and your son. All you can do is support him through his decision.
I hope your in-laws open their eyes soon so that your son can have them in his life. It would be a shame for them to waste such precious time with him over something so incredibly silly in the grand scheme of things.” ClauzzieHowlbrance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a decision the parents have to make, not the in-laws. Do not let them bully you into giving him the name. It’s your son, he should be given a name you and your husband like.
Not because of the in-laws, and definitely not because of a tradition.
If your in-laws are staying away just because of the name then it’s their loss. Regardless, I wouldn’t want the MIL around my child since she is so disrespectful to pressure you again right when your grandma died even when she knows why that name brings bad memories.
Stand by your decision and pick a name you both love.” LumpyPosition8502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like there’s actually a lot of bad b***d in your fiancé’s family because of that family tradition. They disliked naming their children ‘Peter’, but ‘caved’ as they didn’t want to be the jerk for not abiding by that agreed-upon rule.
It’s the classic ‘I had to deal with this stuff, too, so why won’t you?!’ approach when it comes to their own (probably long-held) resentments.
You not doing this and breaking the tradition makes their decisions (which they didn’t even want to make) look bad.
So rather than questioning this thing as a whole and bringing the ugliness of it all to light, it’s more important to try to force you to make the same decision they did before.
Sorry, long story short: You’re NTJ and your soon-to-be in-laws have to learn to deal with their own feelings.
Their reaction does not make you the jerk and I’m glad your fiancé is with you on this.” rayne_486
15. AITJ For Being Tired Of Getting Taken Advantage Of By My Mom And Brother?
“I (26 F) make a lot more money than most of my family so I tend to help with a lot of the bills and extra expenses. My mom needed a new mattress so she asked me for $300 dollars so she could get a new one.
After she went to look at them she decided that she wanted a more expensive mattress (around $650) so I eventually went with her and paid for it with my card and asked for my $300 dollars back since that was money that was meant to cover the mattress and not a gift, she did give me back the money in an envelope.
I personally don’t like having cash but guessed that I could just eventually go to the bank and deposit it into my account.
Two months ago my dog had a vet ’emergency’ and my main card wasn’t available since it expired and my bank was sending me a new one, I didn’t worry about it a lot since I still had the previous $300 saved (the vet is not expensive where I’m from) and I knew that could be the most I would have to pay since this has happened a couple of times (she has tummy issues), so I grabbed the envelope where I had left it and took off to the vet.
Once I had to pay I opened the envelope and found nothing but $50 dollars left, I can’t describe my feelings at that moment, luckily that was the total amount that I had to pay since my dog was fine and it was more of a ‘routine’ vet appointment.
Once I left the vet I was mad, do they even care about the situation that they put me in? What would’ve happened if she did need analysis and I couldn’t pay for them? I was livid, I talked to them and my mom admitted to grabbing only $25 dollars and when I confronted my brother he denied even taking anything, I confronted him again and he denied it again.
I tried to let it go however every time they ask me for money so they can buy stuff I keep thinking about how shameless they are and how used I feel, do I not give them enough? I cover 90% of their bills yet they still went above and beyond to steal from me.
Today I exploded and asked upfront for my money back, their answer? Nothing, they shut down and didn’t talk to me the rest of the day.
It has come to the point where I’m even feeling guilty about it, am I overreacting?
Should I just let it go? Am I crazy for being so hurt about $300? Am I the jerk for asking them to pay me back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My opinion is you’re being taken advantage of by your family and they do not care one bit.
In addition to having you foot their bills, they stole from you. You’re NTJ for asking for it back. Will they actually return it? Likely not. Moving forward I see it as you have two options. 1. Stop paying for your family members.
Hold them accountable for their own lives and their own bills. 2. If you continue to pay for them, set some strict boundaries. Protect yourself first. Pay the companies/creditors directly. If any refunds are being issued, have the refund go back to the card that was used for the purchase.
Bottom line, protect yourself first.” GlitterAssociation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to feel upset over your mother and brother stealing from you. They’ve become so accustomed to taking advantage of you, they don’t see an issue with going into your belongings without your knowledge or permission and just selfishly taking.
And for what? When you’re already paying 90% of the bills.
You should stop giving them money. Pay whatever share of the bills, but stop giving them money outright. If you feel like helping them pay for something, instead of giving them the funds, put your money directly toward the bill.
This way, it’s completely up to you as to what your money goes to.” ASBF2015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom asked for $300 and took it. Then she decided she wanted $695 and you gave her that. That $695 included the original $300 and she should have given you the entire $300 back.
She didn’t.
You’re 26. Let’s say your mother had you when she was 12. That makes your mother at least 38 years old. Why are you supporting her? I mean, if she was 98 and had outlived her retirement savings, sure, I could see you helping her out, but that’s not the case.
She’s old enough to take care of herself and still young enough to still be able to do it.
I’m not sure how old your brother is, but he’s not your responsibility. He’s his mother and father’s responsibility. You don’t owe either of them anything, especially since you’re footing the bills and they’re stealing from you.
Do you live with them? If so, find your own place, big enough for you and your dog. That way, they can’t try to move in on you when they face becoming homeless because they can’t leech off you anymore.
They can grow up and make their own way in the world.
By the way, really glad your dog is okay!” Legitimate-Moose-816
Instead of staying there and letting them do that, get your own place.
14. AITJ For Yelling At My Diabetic Significant Other For Drinking Soda?
“I (M21) have been in a long-distance relationship with my SO (F20) for three years now. Around the beginning stages of our relationship, she revealed to me that she is a type 1 diabetic and I told her that I still accept her for who she is.
At first, things didn’t seem that bad. She had only mentioned it to me once and that was that. I didn’t really see it negatively impacting our relationship because of the distance between us. About two months ago though, she has been bringing it up more and more, to the point where we cannot have a conversation without her mentioning her diabetes at least once.
I’ve always been suspicious of her apparent diabetes diagnosis as she doesn’t strike me as someone who is a diabetic. During our FaceTime calls, I’ve seen her drink regular soda products which makes me suspicious because I don’t think diabetic people can drink soda.
The other night all of this came to a head. We were on our usual FaceTime call when she went to the kitchen and I proceeded to watch her drink a bottle of soda. I don’t know what happened but I just began to yell at her and accuse her of not being diabetic because what diabetic person drinks this much non-diet soda?
She scoffed at me and said ‘she couldn’t believe I would accuse her of lying about being diabetic’ and ended the call and now she hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls for almost 2 days now. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on two counts. First, blowing up is never OK. You are absolutely ignorant of what it takes to live with and manage a lifelong autoimmune condition. You had no right or reason to get angry. Most people with T1 diabetes have to use combinations of food and drink deliberately to manage their b***d sugars with active monitoring.
What’s needed and in what combination is unique to the individual, so what you have casually observed others do has got no relation to what your (hopefully ex) partner needs to do to manage their body.
Second, you will begrudgingly accept that this person has to live with a life-altering and life-limiting health condition because they are far enough away that it won’t impact or inconvenience you.
Of course they talk about their health. They need you to accept and understand their day-to-day experience or you are not a partner but a user. Your attitude is ignorant and deeply disgusting.” mybudgieatemybooks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First off, ‘I still accept her for who she is’ – what is this?
She’s diabetic. She’s not a toxic contagious person. She’s also 20 years old and has managed her diabetes for years. She knows what she can and can’t have. Why would the distance matter at all regarding a manageable condition? What do you think diabetes is?
You haven’t even had the brains to google what a diabetic person can/can’t have. Surprise, they can have regular soda. A diabetic, no matter what type, just has to be mindful of their sugar intake. Like, you have zero understanding of what she has, you haven’t even looked anything up about it, and then you have the gall to make up this nonsense in your head about what you deem is proper and accuse her of lying because of your blatant ignorance.
I bet you also know all about periods too, right? Jesus. Grow up before you ever attempt to get in a relationship again.” WikkidWitchly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, dude. Type 1 diabetics can in fact have regular soda and anything else in moderation.
It may have been that her numbers were low and she needed to get them up as soon as possible. You don’t know and didn’t bother to ask. You are acting so gallant for ‘accepting’ her when you haven’t even bothered to do the research to better understand her condition.
Yes, she’s going to bring it up because it is her daily life and how she is able to live. Sorry if that bruises your ego. My son was diagnosed at age 7 now 15 and he in fact does drink regular soda on occasion.
It’s all about moderation and keeping a serious eye on your numbers. Grow up.” Princessmeanyface
13. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister-In-Law From My Wedding For Making A Scene At My Engagement Party?
“I thought my engagement party was going to be the perfect night. My fiancé and I had spent months planning it, and we were excited to celebrate with our closest friends and family. But things took a turn for the worse when my sister-in-law showed up.
At first, she seemed perfectly pleasant. She congratulated us and even gave us a gift. But as the night wore on, she started drinking more and more. Eventually, she was slurring her words and stumbling around the room.
I tried to ignore it and enjoy the party, but then she started making inappropriate comments.
She told me odd remarks like, ‘I was just okay for her brother’ or just under-exciting comments about me. My fiancé tried to intervene, but she just laughed it off and kept drinking.
Finally, she made a scene that couldn’t be ignored. She stumbled over to the cake table and knocked it over, sending cake and frosting flying everywhere.
My guests were horrified, and I felt like crawling under a rock and hiding. My family was so quiet and I felt so awful about such a wonderful day.
After that night, I knew that I couldn’t invite her to my wedding.
I didn’t want to risk her ruining my special day. But now, my in-laws are furious with me. Her family is saying that I’m being unfair and that I need to forgive her. But I don’t know if I can.
They are saying she just drank too much and the liquor was talking not her.
Am I the jerk for not inviting my sister-in-law to my wedding after she made a scene at my engagement party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s clear that she’s either incredibly reckless and lacks all self-awareness or is bitter and holds some resentment against you or your relationship with her brother. Deciding to get sloppy wasted at an event for one of the biggest, most important nights of your brother’s life says everything about how she would behave at the actual wedding.
‘She drank too much and the liquor was talking not her.’ Why did she even allow herself to get wasted enough to the point of knocking an entire cake off of a table and making a huge mess? The wedding is supposed to be about you and your partner, not babysitting your partner’s sister so she doesn’t destroy everything and embarrass you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t blame you at all for not wanting SIL at your wedding and being upset about what she did at your party. BUT, you are marrying into this family, hopefully forever, and if all otherwise get along (not SIL, but other members of the family) you may want to extend an olive branch or participate in a better way forward.
I guess the question is – do you want a strained relationship with many in-laws over this?
My guess is no, so my advice would be first to make sure you and your fiance are on the same page, and then tell your inlaws: SIL has not apologized for what she did at the party, so we do not ‘need’ to forgive her since she hasn’t even tried to make amends.
For us to forgive and move on, she needs to apologize, not just for being a hot mess who caused a scene, but for saying hurtful things about our decision to get married. And then she has to commit to not drinking at the wedding, and we need to hear from you – other in-laws – that you do understand that her actions were inappropriate and that you will keep an eye on her at the wedding.
It worries us that your reaction to what she did is to excuse the behavior and put it on US to move on, not on SIL to make amends and ownership for what she did.
If you two can agree to say that and to those conditions, and your in-laws (SIL included) can agree to it, then it might be worth saving yourselves decades of headaches by letting her come.
Tell the bartenders/planners SIL is your problem child and to keep an eye on her, and enlist a trusted friend/relative to keep an eye on her and get her out of there if she gets wasted. The likelihood is someone will be wasted at your wedding, and 99% of the time, that person doesn’t cause a ‘scene’ that ruins the wedding, they just give everyone something to laugh about and gossip about.
It has zero impact on the couple or the wedding memories. So remember that if you put all this in place and she does act up, she can be escorted out quickly and will not ruin your wedding, unless you let it take over.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She chose to drink to the point of excess. Anything she does once she gets there is entirely her fault. She can’t be trusted to apologize, she can’t be trusted to take responsibility, but, most importantly, she can’t be trusted not to do it again at your wedding.
She’s rude, she clearly doesn’t like you, and she’s not in control of herself. If your future in-laws are the ones doing all the talking then you have no idea what she actually thinks of her behavior. She can’t be trusted, so she can’t come.” Natural_Garbage7674
12. AITJ For Not Going Along With My Friend's Plans To Have A Multi-Family Trip?
“My wife and I have a friend group (3 total couples) that has a history of traveling together before we had children. We’ve had a lot of fun times.
In the meantime one couple has had twins, that are now toddlers, my wife and I have had a child (currently less than a year old), and my friends, ‘Cathy’ and ‘Doug’ have had a child (younger than my child).
A few weeks ago Cathy suggested that we all go on a road trip to a city that is about 3 hours away and spend time taking the children to various attractions and stay overnight. My wife and I were not excited by the idea, at all.
I pointed out that my child is too young to appreciate things like the zoo and is just as happy sitting in their swing in the backyard. I also pointed out that with 3 families with children on different schedules, it would be likely that no one involved would have a good time, and the expense just isn’t justified in my or my wife’s eyes.
Since then Cathy has reached out to me privately trying to get further justifications for my stance, but I just repeat myself. Cathy has also tried to get other things together like the families to go out to eat on a weekly basis, but is insisting that we all bring our children.
The parents of the twins have pointed out that their kids are at a very busy age and going to restaurants with them is not enjoyable. Cathy did not take this well and sent a message to the wives stating that she is done trying to plan things since we were not interested in making an effort.
We collectively rolled our eyes and ignored Cathy’s half-hearted ultimatum.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Neither of the 2 couples is a jerk for refusing a vacation that they do not want to go and above all having totally valid justifications.
On the other hand, I don’t think Cathy is a jerk either, from what I understand Cathy became a mother less than a couple of months ago so I assume that she is still being affected by the pregnancy hormones, plus I think it’s obvious that she is going through a period of enormous changes and she needs support but when looking for it she has found that her support system (her friends) is not available.
It seems more than understandable to me that she is overflowing with emotions. I think it would be smart to think of this situation as maybe you and your partner don’t need your friends to get through life, but maybe Cathy does need you and that’s why she’s so frustrated that you turn down all her invitations.” Schr00dinger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cathy needs to respect when someone tells her no. Right now she hears ‘no’ and thinks it’s her place to make you justify yourself. I get that not everyone has a support system — it’s something to consider when deciding to have kids.
That is a support system that isn’t built on guilt. She and her spouse need to sort this out with a willing party because there will be times when they’ll need a trusted person to watch their child.
Children often change their parents’ friend relationships. Things get so busy when the children are so young. That’s just how it goes. I get that she probably misses how things used to be, but her approach isn’t the right way to go.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Cathy is in a tough spot and she just wants to maintain relationships with you. You’ve all got your own lives and going from spending time together for trips to barely spending any time together is difficult, especially if you lack other support networks and thought during pregnancy that your friends, who you traveled with and who now have their own families, would be there.
It’s no one’s fault that you’re all in different situations but I do think you collectively need to either be clear with Cathy that things just aren’t going to be how she’d like and therefore you probably won’t see her much until the kids are older OR you need to find a way to get together that meets everyone’s needs.
Others have suggested afternoon things like BBQs or something. There are so many options.” Ooft_Headshot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you should be more sympathetic to Cathy’s obvious desire for more social interactions. Her child is also less than a year old and she might be desperately trying to prove to herself that she can still have friends and go on day trips with a baby.
Maybe your wife (and/or you) could try to talk to her about what other activity might fulfill the social needs she’s trying to address while being more reasonable for the group. You can also reassure her that this part is temporary and it won’t be too long before you guys can do fun things like go to the zoo with children old enough to really enjoy it.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Friends Use My House As A Storage Unit?
“It’s my (26m) biggest pet peeve when someone leaves their things in my house or car. I politely ask people to take their things home with them.
This doesn’t bother my wife at all, but she stands by my childish pet peeve.
We’re the only ones that host events out of our friend group, and we’re the only ones with a pool/hot tub.
I asked a friend of ours to bring home their bathing suit and they said they’re just going to leave it at my house since they don’t use it elsewhere. I told them I don’t like people leaving things behind, and that it’s a pet peeve of mine.
They said I’m being childish and it really isn’t a big deal. This individual continually tries to leave their belongings at our house. They called me a jerk for being this way and not letting them leave their stuff at my house since they visit frequently.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with NTJ.
Leaving your used swimsuit at someone else’s house for them to store and keep for you is unsanitary and gross.
By the way, aside from their bathing suit, what other belongings are they leaving?
Like their towels, maybe? Could also be a way to get some free laundering done.
It’s your roof, your rules. Moreover, they are enjoying your hospitality, which includes maintaining a hot tub, drinks, snacks, or anything else you provide. They should respect your rules, not argue with you about them.
And you’re asking nothing unreasonable.
It wouldn’t be over the line to suggest that if they have such a difficult time respecting the rules of your home, they can just stop coming over.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not these people’s personal storage unit or bathing suit person.
Explain that they won’t need it at your house as they will not be invited back to use your hot tub/pool.
Also, explain that you and your wife clean/’downsize’ regularly, and anything you don’t recognize as yours/as a needed item gets donated to the local thrift shop.
Alternatively, you can tell them that you haven’t done the spare drawer thing since before you and your wife moved in together. That you have not offered them a drawer (/closet) and therefore anything they bring needs to LEAVE with them.” Blacksmithforge3241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d suggest a bin or maybe 2 for the clothing – like lost and found – and throw everything in there (once it’s dry) even label it lost and found and put a sign on it saying things still in it after a set amount of days gets donated to local charities – and make it clear to the friends that’s what will happen to anything left behind.
If you set up so that one sits in the other put a date on it as the day to be donated – then stick the second bin on top to gather other things so that something left the night/few nights before doesn’t get donated till it’s been there the set amount of days.
That would allow them to still be able to see what’s in it and take up as little room as possible. It might take a few times for things to get donated but they should eventually stop leaving things at your house.” Extension-Cup-3529
10. AITJ For Looking After My Wife By Telling My Sister-In-Law To Get A New Babysitter?
“My SIL works a dead-end job with a wonky schedule. My wife has been babysitting two days out of the week for about 12 hours free of charge. I have been taking off work when I can to help out and take them out but my wife is still in babysitting mode cause my niece is not a huge fan of males.
She is mostly always around females.
I start my remote work phase in May for three months. I called up my SIL and asked if she would be okay if I watched my niece to give her sister a break.
She said she was not comfortable with that arrangement. She has no problems if her sister is around, but not alone. I mentioned that would not be much of a break for your sister then now, would it? She said she would have to think about it.
I explained either you allow me to babysit free of charge or you pay for someone to babysit. No matter if your sister will not be babysitting for the next three months.
She got upset and told me she is unable to pay for a babysitter and she does not feel comfortable allowing me to watch her kid alone.
When I asked why, she just replied I do not trust men around her. Granted, I understand my niece’s father is a scumbag, and some trauma may be present. Though 12-hour days of babysitting for free is crazy and my wife needs a break.
I shared all of this, she understands her sister needs a break so her million-dollar suggestion is that I could pay for the babysitter then. I said no.
My MIL is mad because she feels I am overstepping, and if my wife has issues she should bring it up.
I told them my wife has but she gets guilt-tripped because the younger sister is in a tough spot dealing with an abusive relationship and trashy job. So she always caves.
So am I the jerk for telling my SIL what she has to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re looking after your wife, who frankly is being taken advantage of.
You offered a solution and this was rejected. If your SIL doesn’t like this then it’s up to her to find an alternative or find another job where someone is not expected to look after her child free of charge for 12-hour days.
It’s not healthy for a child to grow up being uncomfortable around men. It would be massively helpful for her and your SIL to have a positive male role model who cares about them, which it seems you’re trying to do by showing that males can look after children & it’s normal.
If your MIL is so mad, let her babysit for 12 hours a day.” Scarlettohara1605
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s that worried, she can ask for basic safety measures (granted that she’ll have to pay for them also). Such as a nanny cam, check-ins during break times, and smaller shifts to start (like 6hrs with you, 6 with grandma).
If those aren’t acceptable then it seems like she’ll have to find childcare elsewhere. It’s kind enough you even offered just so your wife can have a break.
Also not saying you have to do those safety measures. But it could help reassure her you are a safe person around babies, and help the kiddo get comfortable around men which is kind of important.” FoxxieOne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would inform them since you will be working remotely you and your wife will be traveling for the next 3 months. It doesn’t have to be expensive. If you have access to a camper this would be an idea but if not then go glamping.
It’s an affordable place where you camp in a luxurious tent. Your wife gets a break. You are not home to have the kid dubbed in her lap and mil can step up and be a grandma.
Also, the way they have manipulated your wife into caving against taking care of herself maybe find her a therapist to help her set healthy boundaries.
Either way, I say no one babysits for the next 3 months.” gramsknows
9. AITJ For Not Deleting A Photo Of My Ex's Dog On My Social Media?
“I have this post that I made nearly two years ago now of just me and a dog, that happens to be my ex’s.
I think that it is actually a really good picture of me and don’t want to take it down but have gotten contacted twice now from them basically saying that it bothers her that I still have a picture with her dog posted and that I need to take it down.
I’ve asked multiple people about this and no one else really thinks that it’s that big of a deal but want to make sure I’m not getting biased answers.
The post also has no correlation to her other than it being her dog, she is not tagged, she’s not in the post, and her comments aren’t on the post. To most people, it is just me and a random dog.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a good pic with a good boy (or girl), and not everybody feels the need to remove all traces of an ex, however minor, after a breakup. However, depending on how you parted, I can see how an ex could take it as a spiteful move because there are people who would keep it up that way.
The obvious solution: MORE pictures with MORE dogs. Flood your account with dog selfies. It’s now a ‘you and your dogs’ account’. She will definitely take it as a spiteful move, but who cares? Imagine all the dogs.” bjorkenstocks
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She is probably hurt and doesn’t like that her dog is on your social media, with the potential to attract women. You say you don’t want to take it down because you think you look good in the picture, so maybe you hope it would attract women?
No mention of keeping the picture because you were emotionally attached to the dog and want to keep the photo up as a memory.” j1gglypuffz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s one thing to see that she is bothered by it, but it’s a whole different story to ask you to remove it.
Was she as controlling in the relationship? Cause maybe she thinks she still has control over you.
Leave the pic up. Next time she asks you to take it down, ask her why she’s stalking your profile and viewing years-old photos in the first place.
Then tell her you’re happy to block her so she won’t see it anymore, but you’re not taking it down. She shouldn’t be scrolling through your feed if it’s upsetting her. Put this back on her for being creepy and maybe she’ll leave you alone.” Liss78
8. AITJ For Not Getting Over What My Neighbor Did To My Dog?
“I (38F) have lived in the same home for 18 years. We live next to ‘Stan and Maureen’, who are in their 50s.
When we moved in, they had a dog named Ginger.
When Ginger was 16, we adopted our puppy, Savannah. Just 2 months later, Ginger got sick and had to be put down. We had a doggy door leading into our fenced-in property. Savannah was a well-behaved dog, didn’t bark, minded her own business, etc. Stan would even comment that Ginger wasn’t as well-behaved. I know that Maureen hated Savannah after Ginger died and I tried to be sympathetic.
I can’t imagine how hard it is to come home from putting your dog down and seeing a puppy next door.
However, how Maureen handled this was terrible. She’d constantly yell at Savannah over the fence. She’d get mad if Savannah went out there when she was, complaining that our dog would just stare at her.
If my kids were out playing with Savannah, Maureen would complain that they were ‘too loud’.
One day, I was on the back deck with the kids. Savannah played in the yard. Maureen was next door, gardening. Savannah scampered over to the shared fence to check out what was going on.
Maureen sprayed her with the hose. I told my kids to go inside and told Maureen off. She tried saying that she just wanted her away from the fence. I pointed out that Savannah was just sitting there and even if she wanted her to move, there were other ways.
We put up a new fence not long after and stopped talking to Maureen for the most part. This was 10 years ago. We knew Maureen still hated Savannah and she’d often make comments about her and even admitted she didn’t have a good reason to hate her.
A few months ago, we adopted another dog, Harriet. Savannah unexpectedly passed a few weeks ago. It was hard on all of us. A week later, Maureen adopted a dog as well, Frankie. She instantly started trying to talk to us again.
She pretended like nothing ever happened. This annoyed me. Up until the week before Savannah died, Maureen was making comments about her. Now, she wants to pretend everything is fine.
She always seems to come outside when we are. Which wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t try to distract Harriet, talk to her, etc. I end up taking Harriet for walks when this happens to avoid her.
One day, Maureen wanted to come with us and I said she was free to walk, but I wasn’t in the mood to be social. She asked why I was so mad and I said ‘Because you were cruel to Savannah for 10 years!
I’m not going to turn that off just because she’s gone and you want to play nice now.’ She tried to say that I had to understand how she felt, that she always resented Savannah. I pointed out that it was hard seeing her with Frankie after Savannah died, but I would never yell at him or especially spray him with a hose!
My husband thinks I should get over it, as neither of us is going anywhere. I said I’ll be cordial, but I’m not going to be her friend. He thinks I’m being petty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maureen was cruel to Savannah for basically her entire life, someone that was a part of your family. And right now, her trying to smooth things over in this clumsy way is probably exacerbating your grief over losing her.
You don’t owe her friendship after that, and if your husband wants to make nice he can do that all by himself.” Literarily_Shoook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; she hasn’t even apologized.
The other jerk in this is your husband.
Be clear with him that he doesn’t get to the police or dictate who you are friends with. You don’t like her because of her behavior: she has not apologized for it, and she has indicated she was cruel to an animal and rude and mean to you and your children on purpose, for ten years, solely to make herself feel better.
She was deliberately nasty to you and the kids as well as your innocent pet, and went out of her way to be disruptive and cruel to all of you simply because she enjoyed it. Ask him which part of that indicates she is a nice person you should now be friends with.
Ask him why he is okay with someone who spends a decade bullying every member of his family.
Ultimately, if he won’t get his head out of his butt about it, lay it on the line: she is a horrible, self-centered person and the more he takes her side over her nastiness, the less inclined you will be to even be pleasant to her about it.
He cannot pester you into liking a bully who targeted you, even if he doesn’t care how she hurt you or any other family member. He can decide to treat the feelings and wishes of a bully who is cruel to animals as more important than his wife, kids, or pets if he likes, but he’s not going to achieve improving your relationship with her – all he is going to manage is damaging his relationship with you.
Keep reiterating that: ‘What are you trying to achieve? Why do you like the next-door bully so much? Have you forgotten who you’re married to versus who tormented the family pet for a decade again?'” GuacGuacDuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure I even need to explain that. The world doesn’t revolve around her. And her grief doesn’t mean the world needs to fall apart alongside her. Also, her grief doesn’t make animal cruelty or any mistreatment of anybody acceptable.
Then just because she’s feeling all fine and dandy now, doesn’t mean the world is dandy too. I wouldn’t want to associate with her either. If she does this for ten years, what other things would she do? All while not taking accountability for her own actions?
I would distance myself. Huge red flag.” OddIcey
7. AITJ For Refusing To Drop My Studies To Take Care Of My Mother?
“My mother (74) was in a car crash two weeks ago where thankfully she only suffered a concussion and a few cracked ribs. She can get around ok, but the concussion is taking some time to recover from, and she has trouble concentrating and remembering things.
I (33f) flew to her city and stayed with her for two weeks just after it happened, took care of her, and filled her freezer with two months’ worth of meals that I planned around her dietary requirements (she has type 2 diabetes).
I also organized and paid for a dog walker and groomer, her prescriptions to be delivered, and have set up a meal delivery service for when she runs out of the food I cooked.
She and I have a strained relationship, and I was in low contact for many years, so this was difficult for me.
Going into it would take forever, but being around her brings up a lot of painful memories for me, and even though we’ve worked through a lot in therapy I still find it hard. Especially taking care of her since there were a lot of times when I needed to be taken care of and she didn’t.
My two brothers who get along with her well both live in her city and did very little to help.
She absolutely refuses to follow concussion guidelines, and when I tried to speak to her about the importance of avoiding screens she would resort to turning on the TV and using her phone whenever I left the room or after I went to bed. I did convince her to cut down on activities, but I suspect she went back to them after I left.
This week she ended up fback in hospital after she collapsed. She got a lecture from the doctors about cognitive overload but was back on her phone as soon as she got home.
Anyway, she and my brothers are trying to guilt trip me into flying down again, saying I’m the best one to take care of her.
Their reasoning is that one brother works full time, and the other is vision impaired. But I study full time, and although I could do it long distance it would be very stressful. They’ve even suggested I put off studying for a semester, but I’m on a scholarship and I don’t know if I could get a deferral. Plus, I understand she’s in pain and likely scared but honestly her injuries are not that serious.
She can get around fine. She also lives in a retirement village and could have a nurse come but says she wants me to do it instead.
I feel like I’ve already done a lot to look after her, and it’s frustrating to try to take care of someone who won’t take care of themselves.
She’s someone who really enjoys being in control, so the whole time I’m down there she would be ordering me around and demanding I wait on her hand and foot, so there’s no way I would get any study done.
I’ve also found out one of my brothers has been eating the meals I made for her, so she’s running out of them faster than I expected. It really feels like I’m being taken advantage of.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have done more than enough and received no appreciation for it and you aren’t being shown basic respect.
If she isn’t even following doctors’ orders and staying away from screens deliberately affecting her recovery that is direct disrespect towards everything you’re doing for her.
It sounds like she wants you around deliberately because she can boss you around and make herself feel big.
I think it’s time for you to go low/no contact again.” Justletitendnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mom can want whatever she wants, that does NOT mean you have to agree with her. You’ve already spent 2 weeks caring for her… and she chooses not to follow the doctor’s orders.
Oh, and the brothers? They’re just opting out and trying to guilt you. You deserve to be treated better.
Please consider yourself in this. You have a scholarship for something you are interested in completing… do not take advantage of this privilege.
You’ve earned it and should enjoy it.
I am sorry she and your brothers are making this so difficult for you right now. Do you know that saying ‘time to circle the wagons’? Usually, it means for a group to physically set up and defend themselves from an outside force.
I urge you to do the same. Take the steps to care for yourself and ensure you meet your own goals. Your family is not going to help you to meet your goals. You need to be your own best friend here.
I wish you the best in this ugly situation.” Narrow-Natural7937
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels like you’re being taken advantage of because you are.
You care. You are a caring person, you went above and beyond to set your mother up for success in healing.
It can be hard to watch someone not take care of themselves, but, luckily, you are now far away.
You cannot put more effort into your mother’s recovery than she is putting in.
You cannot put more effort into your mother’s recovery than she is.
It is not your responsibility. If she backslides again, it’s not your fault. Is she trying to manipulate you into coming back and doing all the work so she can just complain about how you do it? I don’t know, but it seems likely.” User
6. AITJ For Coming To My Son's Play But Ditching My Daughter's Ballet Recital?
“I have a daughter Carmen (10) with my ex Lisa and a son (stepson actually) Luke (18) with my wife Sadie.
I broke up with Lisa when my daughter was born because she was having affairs behind my back. Luke’s father has been absent from his life and I have taken care of him since he was 10.
Carmen’s very into ballet, and the club she’s in holds mini recitals once a month and a big recital once a year. Luke’s very into theatre and his club does 4 plays a year. I have been to almost all of their events.
This month however the mini recital and the play came on the same day in a way that was impossible for me to go to both. In the end after a lot of thinking I decided to go to Luke’s for the following reasons: It’s Luke’s last play since he’s going to college, and he got the lead role.
I didn’t promise either of them that I would be at their thing by the way. I let them know the day before because I’m in the medical sector and I usually get called in for emergencies or for other reasons.
I told Carmen I wouldn’t be able to come to the recital, and explained to her why, and she was really understanding (I do have to buy her ice cream though). My ex-BIL was going in my place, so I asked him for a recording, so I could watch it with Carmen when it’s my custody time.
After the play was done, my ex called me and told me I was a jerk for skipping my daughter’s event for someone else’s kid, she got my mom into this and she’s telling me the same thing.
I don’t think what I did was wrong, but just to make sure, AITJ for missing my daughter’s ballet recital to go see my son’s play?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He IS your kid. They’re both your children, even if one doesn’t have your ***** running through their veins.
I think it’s fair to say that you chose the right performance to go to that night. You also explained it to your daughter and she was very understanding.
Your daughter has more recitals per year. He has the lead role and it’s a big deal for it being his last performance before college too. You even made arrangements to watch her performance after.
Your ex sucks. Your mom also sucks.” bluemonker0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t habitual neglect but a one-off calendar clash. You talked to Carmen ahead of time, and she understood and was okay. You also asked someone to record the recital for you, so you and Carmen can watch it together and discuss it.
All in all, you seem like a really involved dad making thoughtful decisions, and I’ve no idea why your ex is making such a fuss and pulling your mum into it.
As you say, it’s your stepson’s last play and he has the lead role – and it’s worth noting that he only had four opportunities for you to watch him throughout the year, while your daughter has twelve.
(Which honestly seems pretty excessive to me – a different culture I guess, but while my dance school did something fun for parents to come and watch each year, it certainly didn’t put on a mini recital every single month.
We were too busy working towards our RAD grade exams.)
So yeah, make sure you pay Carmen your agreed-on fee for ice cream, and you’re good. Ignore everyone else stamping round and talking out of their butts.” Normal-Height-8577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Considering there are mini-recitals every month and a big one. So there are 12 other recitals left for you to go to. Luke has only 4 plays and got the lead role – so this is more important.
If you have two kids (biological or not – doesn’t matter) and both have sports, clubs, and other activities with events, such as games, tournaments, recitals, and plays, you will end up missing out on some because of overlaps – It just happens because clubs can’t cater for every parent and account for every other club and activity in the area and align schedules.
Ex and all others need to realize that and******* up.” journeytohealth1985
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Significant Other's Mom?
“My (23M) significant other (22F) and I have been together for almost 6 years. We just moved into a house that I bought and own, a month and a half ago.
I’m a first-time homeowner and this is my first time living on my own away from my parents. She’s been living in an apartment for a few years prior to moving in here.
We make enough to live comfortably, we bring home around $80k combined and as a result, I was able to buy a pretty big house for the two of us, nearly the size of my parents’ home.
I alone pay the mortgage and utilities since it’s my house. My SO has been generous enough to buy groceries, subscriptions, etc. She also paid for some of the furniture we have when we moved in.
The issue here came up about a week ago.
My SO’s mom ‘A’ isn’t well off, she lived in a trailer with her SO and they broke up a few months ago so she’d been living with her mom and mom’s husband. A’s mom died a couple of weeks ago from cancer, and now her mom’s husband is kicking her out.
She has the possibility of living with my SO’s sister and her partner (who live with the guy’s parents), but A’s been insistent on moving in with us.
I am firmly against this. It’s my house, I’m very much enjoying living on my own, and honestly, I don’t want anyone else here.
It’s not my fault that her mom hasn’t done anything to improve her financial situation, and I shouldn’t be forced to endure the consequences of her actions. The fact that (to my knowledge) she isn’t even looking at apartments, other trailers in that area, or a JOB just shows me that she intends to move in here and stay here.
I can tell my SO doesn’t want that either, but wants to cave and ask me to allow it, though she’s been avoiding the subject directly with me given the uncomfortable situation she’s understandably in. I love her to death, but she’s a massive pushover when it comes to her mom.
She had me driving to Walmart to get food for her mom when we started going out because her mom was too lazy to.
My SO’s sister has been saying I’m a jerk because we have a bigger house, and can easily take her in.
I told her outright, ‘It’s not my mom, and not my problem’, which caused her to throw a tantrum on the phone, and she accused me of trying to make her mom homeless. I’ve been feeling guilty, but I want to hold my ground.
I don’t want to enable her mom to sit around here all day drinking.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that you two have been together for a while. But honestly, this is probably something you should’ve seen coming based on her mom’s living situation.
I’m guessing this lady is in her 40s/50s. She’s going to be around awhile. She’s going to sponge off you like she has been doing to others. Even if it drives a wedge between you, and you break up with your SO, it will be very difficult to get them out of your house.
This is a pivotal time in your relationship. Stand your ground or you’re going to be stuck with this woman for a very long time.” ProseccoWishes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve just freshly moved in and finally have your own space, and immediately ‘A’ wants to come and live with you potentially expecting a free place to stay for no effort on her part.
Sit with your SO and discuss your concerns, ask her what she wants excluding her mother because it’s supposed to be both your space (your house I know). What you said to her sister is a jerk move but I get it, if she’s so concerned she should take her in.
If your SO does start to cave then look for a solution about it, set boundaries that aren’t comfortable for ‘A’ as mean as it sounds but facilitating apathy and complacency should not be an option.” PsychologicalRing959
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, let me get this straight. No one in your SO’s family is able to maintain their own residence except your SO? She sounds stronger than you think. But her mom sounds… umm… unpleasant and kinda abusive. Do not let her move in!
Regardless of laws, it may be impossible for her to get out once she gets in and she will make you guys miserable. She will continue to treat your SO as a servant and possibly worse. Be your SO’s strength since she doesn’t want her mom either.
Make it clear to your SO that you are protecting her by saying no. That you will not allow her mom to move in and treat everyone like crap. That you value your SO’s emotional well-being above everything else and her mom detracts from her well-being.
Some drinkers can handle their booze, but many cannot and think they do. If she’s a heavy drinker, you do not want that in your house! Source: adult child of heavy drinkers.” Hot-Cheesecake-7483
4. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Is Making A Mistake Marrying Her Fiancé?
“My sister got a divorce from her husband about a year and a half ago and since then hasn’t been part of her kids’ lives. Both children (7m) and (14f) moved in with their biological fathers and she moved 1.5 hours away to live with her fiancé.
Her kids have been really missing out on their mom and have both expressed disinterest in spending time with her new fiancé. Her fiancé also has two children from his previous marriage (4f) and (3f) who she really dislikes and ‘feels they’ve ruined her life.’ She has no interest in being the mother of his children and has said she hopes they stop coming over because she doesn’t want them around.
Last night she told us she is marrying him in a month and I am speechless. She has a lot invested in his newly built house and I’m afraid she’s trying to secure her finances with the marriage.
Out of all the mistakes she’s made in the past two years this would be by far the biggest. Would I be a jerk to tell her she’s making the biggest mistake of her life? That the children are more important than her and she’s ruining the lives of 4 small children just to get what she wants?”
Another User Comments:
“I was all set to say you’d be the jerk, but while she has already abandoned her own children, she’s likely preparing to pressure her fiancé to abandon his, too.
Marrying into an existing family of 3 when you think 2 of them are ruining your life is a bad idea.
Someone’s going to get hurt. NTJ.
You are probably going to end up damaging your relationship with your sister, but I suspect that if you stand back and quietly watch your sister alienate her husband from his children, while you continue to try to be there for her own alienated children, you may do real harm to your relationship with yourself.” Homer_04_13
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but given what you’ve said about your sister I doubt any such conversation with your sister will have a positive effect. Perhaps more to the point would be a conversation with your sister’s fiancé about what his relationship with his two girls would be like moving forward, and what he expects your sister’s relationship with them to be like.
A conversation like that will either reveal he’s a similarly crappy parent or bring home that your sister and her fiancé have wildly different expectations about their future family dynamic.
It is possible that the fiancé doesn’t see that your sister isn’t involved in her own children’s lives through her own actions and wishes – he might have been misled to think instead they are angry at her, or being kept from spending time with their mom by their biological fathers.
On the subject of biological fathers, is that a typo (which should read ‘father’) or do you mean that they have different dads? Because if her two kids are living in separate households, they are probably missing each other too, not just their mom.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think.
In theory, you’d not be the jerk. But we all know it’s not going to go well AND it’s not going to change anything. So it’s possible that you are going to cause strife for no benefit.
I don’t know. I don’t want to think that makes you a jerk, but I can’t rule it out.
The whole funds were invested in the house thing. I am concerned that marriage is the only way she doesn’t just throw that money away.
E.g. she can probably recoup it in a divorce, but otherwise, it’s possibly either going to count as a gift, or just impossible to prove.
I don’t know, the way she’s going, maybe marriage is the best thing for her.
Not that it will go well, but, just less bad than anything else she might do for the next 4 years.” WillBottomForBanana
3. AITJ For Sending Out The Rules For My Wedding?
“I have just finished my ‘information’ slip for my wedding – rules, food, driving directions. I made a copy for everyone attending but showed my grandma (Jess) first. She became very upset, saying it’s too many rules, but when I said that most of the slip was about the food, she told me that I’m being a jerk about the rules.
This is what the slip says:
‘This event is semi-formal at the church, and guests are requested to wear blue, purple, light pink, champagne, or black. Please be mindful that the reception will mostly be outside (grass), so flats/sneakers are advised to be brought as well, for your comfort’ – The top line is only a request. That is the color scheme and I wanted to include it in case anyone wanted to match, but I’ve already told people that if they wanted to wear a bright red dress or lime green tux, I really don’t care.
‘No white attire, excluding shoes/accessories. Guests wearing white attire will be asked to leave or change. If a refusal is made, the guest will be escorted from the event.’
‘Children are expected to behave and not interrupt the ceremony/first dance.
If a child is being disruptive, please take them outside for a breather.’ – There is a children’s area just for the kids, but if a parent wanted their child with them, this is for that parent.
‘No proposals/Pregnancy announcements.
Attempts will result in the guest(s) being removed from the event.’
‘Plus-ones are discouraged due to the size of the bride’s family, however, if you would like to add someone to your invitation, please first let the bride/groom know with your party’s headcount’ – I tried to include some humor, but she also was offended by this line.
I have an enormous family, and I don’t have enough money to provide food for that many people, so I only invited immediate family/close friends/and people contributing to the event. I also invited their partners as well (For example, I’m inviting my great aunt and her partner – or another would be that I’m inviting my younger brothers, so I included their siblings and parents as well.
(about 60 people total, including bridesmaids/groomsmen)
The bottom half of the slip is food/drink, mine and my husband’s phone numbers, and the driving directions.
I’m considering rewording some things (I feel like I worded them badly), and maybe separating it into 1 slip each rule, food, and driving directions.
My husband and coworkers (haven’t told anyone else) are saying I should only change Jess’s slip.
For extra context, Jess hasn’t contributed anything because I don’t want her to. (She helped me out a lot with furniture/appliances when I got my first apartment, and I’ve just finished paying her back).
AITJ for my wedding rules?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I received this invite I’d just stay home. Sorry, but holy crap. These are grown adults, they don’t need to be told what colors to wear or what shoes to have on.
If kids misbehave at the event, you have a bridesmaid quietly handle the situation by showing them a place for the kids to calm down. You assume no one is going to wear white to your wedding and if they do, you come here and complain afterward like a normal human.
You don’t have a laundry list of expected behavior and dress. It’s rude.” Interesting_Order_82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your grandma is spot on.
If you aren’t requiring the color scheme to be followed, don’t mention it.
Kids being quiet is obvious. No one brings a kid to a wedding and asks them to make a crap ton of noise. At most, you can tell people AT the reception ‘a children’s area is available in case your little ones need a breather.’
The white thing, no plus-ones (that weren’t specifically invited) and no announcements are other obvious ones that any functioning adult would know without being told.
Your ‘rules’ read as you LOOKING for reasons to have your guests escorted out by security.
Which, does not give a ‘we are so excited to have you celebrate with us’ vibe. However, if your goal is to cut down on attendees, proceed with your rules. If I read that, I’d strongly consider RSVP-ing ‘no’ so as to not deal with a bridezilla who’s looking for a way to kick me out.” LadyF16
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. A lot of these are just common courtesy. Most people don’t specifically say ‘Don’t propose at my wedding.’ The guests understand that proposing at a wedding is rude and weird.
It’s not all bad.
But the length, wording, and inclusion of things that are common knowledge pushed you into jerk territory.
Personally, I’d keep the bit on semi-formal, take out the stuff about the colors, keep the bit about the grass, reception, take out the bit about white (people already know not to wear white to a wedding), change the kid bit to ‘a children’s area will be provided for those who need it,’ remove the announcements bit, and keep the plus one bit.” blahrgledoo
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Extend My Stay On A Vacation With My Partner's Family?
“This week my (23F) family-in-law stayed at a vacation park and I was invited. I didn’t take time off work due to a prior engagement taking up my PTO.
Instead, I worked from home at the vacation park.
Today they wanted to extend their stay. I didn’t want to stay so I said to my partner (24M): Hey don’t be mad but I want to go home next week.
I say that because he has a history of being mad at me for these types of decisions. Family is important to him and he will lie to work to be with family. Family is important to me too, but I feel more comfortable if everyone gets the time that was agreed upon.
I feel nervous juggling between work and family, hence my decision. Well, he got mad anyways. He said I clearly don’t value family time as much as he does.
Am I the jerk here for saying I want to go home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What does he expect you to do about your other obligations?! And he’s upset because you have integrity and don’t want to lie to your employer.
You are on vacation with his family (frankly – from my perspective – that is more of you doing a favor for him than them doing a favor for you.) You were told the vacation would be from one date to the next.
You made your arrangements based on those. You do not owe him being dishonest or being willing to change your plans last minute to accommodate his family whims.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really don’t like the red flags your partner is throwing up here.
It was supposed to be a one-week trip. You made things work for that week. Now they want to stay longer. Fine for them, but you need to be back in the office. If you aren’t there, someone else is bound to notice and comment.
As for your partner lying to his employer, that’s a pretty good way to ensure he will have plenty of time to spend with his family because it’s a pretty good way to end up unemployed.
Grown-up adults (which is what you are) have responsibilities and commitments and honor them.
Your partner has not achieved grown-up adult status and probably never will. His behavior is controlling and disturbing. Please, seriously reconsider your relationship.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: you agreed to go for a certain amount of time. The fact that he is mad because you can’t accommodate the change is not only selfish but may speak to how he views your responsibilities/wants/opinions as secondary to his own.
Because any normal person would not be mad at the person who was unable to accommodate a last-minute change (or extension) due to prior responsibilities (work). What would make sense is him being disappointed but getting mad at you? SELFISH.” celerysticks22
1. AITJ For Telling My Coworker That My Friend Is Taken?
“I have a coworker who has shown interest in a friend of mine and asked me if he’s single. He is but this girl is a party girl while my friend is… less party-oriented. She’s constantly talking about the dudes she’s having ‘fun’ with while at the same time lamenting that she can’t get a guy to marry.
She acknowledges that the guys she’s having fun with are not marriage material.
She’s gone out with guys that are apparently looking for a serious relationship and she’s a completely different person with them, she pretends to be a home girl and straight-up lies about having one-night stands pretty frequently.
So my friend group was out when we suddenly bumped into her and just said hi, did some small talk and introduced her to my group of 4, and then went our separate ways. Later at work, she asked me about John (not his real name) if he was single, and if I could hook them up.
I told her that he wasn’t single and she starts asking about their relationship, how long it’s been, is it solid, etc. I told her I don’t have many details as we don’t hang out that frequently (another lie) and I deflect by telling her that I had to go.
Now I’m worried that the lie is going to eventually blow up on me but I feel that she’s a horrible match for John. I have no doubt that she’d be able to weasel into his life if given the chance as she’s pretty attractive.
So, am I the jerk for lying to my coworker about my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe people will think I’m crazy but here’s my logic.
For starters, you have friends and coworkers, and it’s probably super beneficial to keep those things separated, or at least many would feel that way.
I personally don’t like to mix my work and personal life. Little to gain, much to strain.
You can’t truly know if your coworker would be a good match for your friend, but you probably should discuss it with him to get his thoughts as for the most part it really isn’t your duty or anything to prevent a romantic kindling.
On the flip side, you have no obligation to set them up either. You’re not getting in the way of anything because there isn’t anything there right now.
Finally, your coworker sounds like a manipulator. On top of all the other info you gave us, you tell her he’s in a relationship and that should have been the end of it.
Wrong. She starts trying to get details that might lead to him ending his current relationship in favor of being with her. I can’t speak for everyone else but that rubs me the wrong way.
If I thought I was protecting a friend by doing what you are doing then I think that’s probably fair.” Good_From_70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but in the mildest way possible. It’s great for you to look out for your friend and to have his best interest at heart but your friend is a grown man perfectly capable of making his own decisions and taking care of himself.
It’s not your place to police who he goes out or talks with. I think you should at a minimum let him know of the other girl’s interest. You can tell him your opinions on your coworker and what you know about her and then let him decide if that’s a chance he wants to take.” Johnnyp6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under absolutely no obligation to facilitate a fix-up of your friend who you obviously like with a woman you don’t like and respect. If she meets him in the wild, she can talk to him.
But it doesn’t have to happen through you. Normally, I’d advise a more straightforward approach. Because it’s work, however, I’d recommend against telling her that you’re not comfortable fixing her up with your friend. You don’t need static from her.
Therefore, I find your lie acceptable. It doesn’t sound like you’re a very good liar though! Work on that. Just keep it simple with her. He is in a serious relationship and has been for years. If she presses you for details?
Just tell her that he’s your friend and you don’t have his permission to share his personal life with her. Add that you hope she understands. And dip!” dekebasswood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There was no good reason for lying here and all you’ve done is disrespect your friend’s intelligence and autonomy.
If you don’t want to be involved in her love life all you had to do was say that because now you’ve created a problem that didn’t need to exist. If she’s as fixated as you’ve painted her to be it’s highly unlikely she’s not going to try to find a way to contact him without your assistance and your lie is going to immediately blow up in your face if she manages it.” majere616
