People Want Fresh Perspectives On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To A Mansion Party?
“My older sister is best friends with this girl called Katie. Katie lives in LA, before this trip, I never hung out with her before one on one.
It was my first time going to LA without my family, I had a work trip there but I extended it so I could spend the weekend. I ask Katie for recommendations and she is like oh let me show you around. So the first couple of days Katie and I have a great time, we go to a lot of the sights and take fun pictures.
On social media, I got messaged by a friend and he tells me that if I am in LA I should go to this guy’s party, I don’t know the guy but it’s a big mansion party and to dress nice and to invite my hot friends.
I want to invite Katie, but I don’t think she would fit the bill, she is 29 and she is not in the best shape. Like she is not fat, and honestly, it’s just that she dresses up too much like a millennial.
I end up inviting a girl that I am not so good friends with, and she picks me up from my hotel and we go together.
The party was really cool, the place was huge. I didn’t post anything but a selfie with some of the people I met there because I didn’t want to look like I was out of place that I never do stuff like that.
What ends up happening is that my sister calls and I tell her about the party, I completely forgot that she might tell Katie.
Then the next day I end up getting called by Katie and she is livid. She accuses me of using her to see LA. She then says that she has lived here for 6 years and has never been to a mansion party that she would have loved to have gone.
That I am gatekeeping this stuff, that she showed me everything, and that I took a random girl there instead of her. That she has always been a big sister to me. I tell her that I don’t think she would have been able to get in, that the guys that run the party are particular.
She then accuses me of saying she is ugly, and I am like it’s not like that, I would have brought you in but it’s not my event. She doesn’t care about it at all then ends up unfollowing me on social media.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were too embarrassed by someone ‘dressing up too much like a millennial’ and because she is 29? You sound incredibly immature and you are lucky you are alive to ask if you are a jerk.
You go to a city you don’t live in or know your way around and some random dude invites you to a party that isn’t his own at some random mansion?
Asks for you to dress nice and bring hot friends and you think ‘Yes this is a great idea!’ You put yourself in a seriously bad situation. You take some girl you don’t really know with you but what if something happened? Some girl you don’t really know won’t be as inclined to help you or even check if you are ok if you wander off.
But Katie, your sister’s best friend, would have made sure nobody slipped you something. Do you not understand that anyone at that party could have seen you, an intoxicated child (I’m assuming you are a child if 29 is old to you and you do immature stuff like this) at a party where you don’t know anyone and taken advantage of you in so many ways?
You owe Katie an apology and you really need to think about how lucky you are that nothing happened to you. It’s time to grow up and get over yourself.” Toska23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She’s OK to spend several days with, as she generously uses her time to show you, her best friend’s sibling, around.
She treated you kindly, and went out of her way – and you decide that based on the clothes she wore while she showed you around town, she wouldn’t dress according to what you deem ‘mansion party standards’?
You should have either taken NO ONE (and said you didn’t have a +1) or invited her.
If she got turned away that was on her.
It is ironic that you wouldn’t take selfies so you didn’t look like you never went to a party like that, but by excluding Katie you did exactly that – hiding your plans from someone because you didn’t want to be seen with them is exactly what someone who is all fussed about a mansion party would do.
Then you doubled down and said, ‘I don’t think you would have been able to get in’?
I’m not sure there’s an apology big enough for what you did.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It really is like you saying she was ugly. They literally told you to bring people, so it’s not a matter of ‘I can’t invite someone because it’s not my place,’ especially since you DID invite someone.
She is not entitled to go to the party but you truly didn’t invite her because you think she is ugly, and then told her so. Imagine how hurtful it must be to be excluded because you are not conventionally good-looking, or because someone judged you as unattractive (since beauty is subjective).
You did judge her as unattractive and then decided that these kinds of parties are not for her. Why? Because she is not eye candy for men? To be honest, I also pity your life if you think you need to be attractive to attend some events, what pressure it must be, and also I wouldn’t like to live accordingly and for the male gaze.” Comprehensive_Fly350
21. AITJ For Not Making My Daughter Apologize Over A Prank?
“My fiance, Freddy, and I just moved in together and recently got engaged. I have 3 kids – Katie (19), Kevin (16), and Kyle (12) and he has 2, his oldest lives out of state and he has one at home, Mary (15). We both work overnight, so our kids are pretty much on their own at night.
Mary adores Katie and follows her around like a lost puppy and Katie has repeatedly told Mary to leave her alone. While she is never outwardly mean, there is a lot of eye-rolling, closed doors and just ignoring her, on Katie’s part.
Things went left last weekend, Katie was hanging out with friends when Mary kept pestering her.
Somehow, (I wasn’t home so I’m not sure how) Katie got Mary outside the house and locked the doors. She was outside until Freddy got home around 5 am-ish. When Freddy came home, he blew up at my kids. I started getting calls back to back from Katie and Kevin.
By the time I answered Katie was crying and freaking out and I literally could only understand ‘Freddy’, ‘Mommy’ and ‘Come home’. I drove home expecting the worst, not knowing what was going on.
When I got to the home, I see that Freddy was physically throwing Katie’s stuff out of the house while cursing at her.
It took me a minute to figure out what happened cause everyone was yelling and crying. By the time I got the info, I was so mad at how he responded to something childish with more childish behavior that I snapped. I pointed out that Katie had never pretended to like having Mary around but she had always been the one to deal with it.
Mary was the one being pushy instead of being mature and realizing that not everyone is always going to like her.
By this time, neighbors were coming out and seeing us arguing, I was embarrassed, I just told Freddy to take his stuff and screw off.
We didn’t speak for the rest of that day or the next but I did text him and apologize for what happened and that Mary was upset. He is now refusing to come home until Katie apologizes to Mary and is punished for what she did.
I told him that it was a no on my part because while extreme, it was a result of constant pestering and Katie has already been punished when he tossed her stuff out on the lawn. I love him and Mary, I want things to be better.
When I spoke to my sister, she told me I was making it worse by not making Katie apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘Katie got Mary outside the house and locked the doors. She was outside until Freddy got home around 5 am-ish’
Let’s spin reality and forget for a second that it’s still pretty cold out in most of the country right now.
Mary was locked outside until 5 am… that’s incredibly late (early?) to be outside by herself where ANYONE or ANYTHING could have happened.
‘By the time I answered Katie was crying and freaking out.’
Yeah. Imagine how much worse it was for Mary who didn’t have a parent that she could call to cry to, to try and skirt the ramifications for her actions.
‘I love him and Mary.’
No, you don’t – because if you did love Mary, you wouldn’t be condoning your daughter’s actions towards her, actions that could have led to her being hurt or worse.” notlucyintheskye
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Katie is an adult and acted like a child.
Katie isn’t going to like everyone in her life, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to treat them with a base level of kindness and respect, but that doesn’t seem to be a lesson you’re interested in teaching her.
You supported your daughter’s mean girl behavior toward a CHILD. I cannot see how you could possibly believe you and Katie are right here. You apologized for Mary’s reaction to this behavior, not for what your daughter did. And your daughter owes Mary an apology.
Mary is the odd one out in a new, blended family dynamic, and Katie is doing her best to make sure she knows it by the sound of it. What a nightmare for poor Mary.
Sounds like Freddy dodged a bullet if you’re incapable of seeing the problem here.
Nobody needs a partner who can’t treat their children with love, kindness, and respect.
You’re wrong here. You’re absolutely the jerk. And so is Katie.” roxysinsox
Another User Comments:
“Wow… YTJ… to be clear, that wasn’t a prank. That was an intentional act to cause harm.
Your daughter tried to cause harm to your partner’s daughter. The fact that you want to diminish the situation is not doing anyone any favors. Your daughter is legally an adult and locked a child out of her home throughout the night, she could be charged with child endangerment.
The fact that you say, I don’t know exactly, clearly you haven’t asked or had any meaningful conversation to get to the bottom of the situation. Not making your daughter take responsibility for her actions makes you a bad mom and allowing that awful thing to happen to your stepdaughter makes you a worse stepmother.” keepthecrazyquiet
You are 110% the jerk. You can't see how awful your nasty daughter was. Perhaps she takes after you.
20. AITJ For Defending My Ex's Achievements Against My Significant Other?
“I went out with Olivia for 2 years. The break up was mutual and we stayed close friends. My SO now, Josie, isn’t a huge fan of me being friends with Olivia but is working towards accepting it with her therapist.
The big thing is both of them come from different backgrounds.
Olivia’s mom is a nurse practitioner and her dad’s a lawyer, so financially her life has been good. She’s the only child so a lot of attention was placed on her.
Josie grew up in poverty and both her parents died of substance abuse when she was super young.
Her brother was her main guardian but a lot of her teen years were working so she could survive on her own.
Josie admits she gets jealous when Olivia talks about her life, or when I start worrying about Olivia’s mental health.
Josie and her friend were discussing colleges.
Olivia goes to one of the top 20 schools, while Josie goes to a community college. I am proud of Olivia for getting in. Well, Josie and her friend started talking about the kids who get in because their parents usually have a lot of money.
I got the sense Josie was talking about Olivia.
She said she wasn’t, but realistically students like Olivia have more opportunities and resources that will help them get admitted, compared to kids like herself.
I told her Olivia worked really hard to get into that school.
Josie said she knows that, she’s just saying it’s easier to do extracurricular and volunteer hours when you don’t have to worry about how you’re going to afford groceries.
I told her she was just jealous of Olivia again and it’s getting really sad at this point.
The admission team clearly saw something in her, that got her accepted beyond her social class, and maybe if Josie had balanced her time better she could have made it in a school like that.
Josie left in tears with her friends. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Defending your ex’s achievements, that’s fair.
Lashing out at your current SO to defend your ex (who she hadn’t insulted directly) by accusing her of being jealous and BLAMING her for not ‘balancing’ her time while she had to support herself AS AN ORPHAN?
Seriously? Yes, her older brother took care of her but she had no parents, i.e. an orphan. So yes, you blamed an orphan for not managing their time better AS A TEENAGER while WORKING TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.
You are TOTALLY the jerk.
She deserves better than to be treated like this. And you should TOTALLY express to your SO that you are proud of her going to community college. Considering her background that is an achievement worthy of praise. She is not letting her circumstances keep her down and is just as admirable as getting into a ‘good’ college.” Cliffhangincat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Josie was making a fair point about how admissions policies at top schools tend to favor wealthy applicants. (Many even have explicit policies favoring the children of alumni, most of whom are wealthy). As someone who went to an Ivy, I can assure you that what she’s saying is very much true.
Her point was fair. She didn’t mention Olivia at all. You were the one who brought that up and then decided to add a completely gratuitous insult to your SO, who’s done a great job coping in very difficult circumstances. I hope she dumps you.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Josie is right. Even the most talented, hardworking student experiences poverty as a real barrier to opportunity. She didn’t mention Olivia – you did – and then you completely dismissed Josie’s experiences, insulted her, and made her cry.
Maybe time to be honest and admit you are not over Olivia, and it’s causing problems for your relationship with Josie because of course it is.” Sweeper1985
19. AITJ For Arguing With My Parents Over A Bill?
“I (17) live at home but it’s been weird.
Shortly after my birthday (a few months ago) my parents, mostly my mom, gave me a bill for everything I cost them since I was 13. This includes ‘rent’ for my bedroom, food, and other stuff, also specific things.
It’s a lot of money I can’t pay & I already know – I asked for legal advice – it’s not okay that they asked. (They’re not jerks I promise, things have just been weird with my mom not having a job and stuff.)
The situation I want your opinion on is this one: I tried to talk to them about the whole bill thing. Said it’s not fair they’re asking and they’re my parents and they need to provide me with things. Things got really heated and I told them they’re not being parents at all right now.
That what they’re doing is messed up & super illegal & I deserve better.
They’re upset and I get it, but now they’re not really talking to me or anything. As in, they wanna show me what ‘not having parents’ is really like.
Was it really so horrible I said that? They said some things too which is fair. I’m trying to be ‘braver’ but now I think I immediately went too far. I just feel very confused and my instinct is to apologize again but maybe it’s better to stand my ground (if I’m not the jerk).
If I am I definitely will.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In many states, your parents are legally required to provide you with basic necessities. They are not allowed to bill you for those.
As for the bill that they gave you, you don’t have to pay them a cent.
You did not ask for any of that. You did not ask to be born.
Be prepared to move out as soon as you turn 18.
You said your parents are not talking to you right now. Hear me out, this is called silent treatment. And it is an abuse tactic.
So is billing a minor child for 4 years of their life when they know for sure that that minor child has no way of paying it back? I’m sorry but your parents are total jerks.
I see that you apologize a lot. I sense that that is because of how you were raised. Please know that you don’t have to apologize for trivial reasons.
Be yourself unapologetically and have lots of courage. You’ll need that.” HannahPoppyMommy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are responsible for all of those things until you turn 18. After that, they can choose to charge you rent, etc if they see fit.
But until you are legally 18 it is their responsibility to provide those things for you.
If they have a problem with it, tell them to take you to court. No judge is going to side with them. They might even get a wake-up call from what a judge tells them.
Tell your mom to find a job, and their financial problems will be solved. It is ludicrous they expect you to pay for that stuff from the age of 13 on.
What is their issue?
Do not stop standing up for yourself when someone is trying to do you wrong. No matter if they are your parents or not.
Like you said what they are doing is illegal, and will get them nowhere.” Shieldmaiden81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are awful.
They brought you into this world and they are responsible for all your costs (in relation to housing, clothing, and food) till you are either 18 or finished school. The law is usually pretty clear on this.
You have been groomed to accept your parents’ mistreatment and think it’s normal and that your friends experience the same.
Newsflash… they don’t… because they have normal caring parents. You, unfortunately, don’t.
You owe them nothing.
I would be speaking to your school’s counselor about what is occurring at home. You may have grounds for emancipation and therefore have access to support payments and be able to move out.
What your parents have done is more covert mistreatment ie it’s not obvious to the outside world but it’s there.” KitchenDismal9258
18. AITJ For Not Going To The Father-Daughter Dance With My Stepdaughter?
“My stepdaughter is 8. Her relationship with her dad is rocky at best so when the daddy-daughter dance came up I was excited to be asked to go.
Last night, she told her mom and me that she was too sick to go to school (she has a history of being too sick for school and then making a miraculous recovery a short time after).
My partner and I spoke about it and we agreed that we would clearly communicate to her that no school also meant no dance. This morning she woke up and still insisted that she was too sick to go to school, so we listened to her and let her stay home, also reiterating the fact that this would mean no dance, which she said she understood.
Well, sure enough, one hour after school starts, she’s claiming that she feels so much better and isn’t sick now. My partner feels bad that she’s going to miss the dance and I’m insistent that we stay strong with the guidelines we put in place.
I typically don’t post stuff here but I’m not sure if I’m being too strict. I worry what my stepdaughter will learn if we just back down and let her go anyways.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If she says she feels better, take her to school.
Sometimes kids say they are sick because they are dealing with stress or something emotional. You lead your story with the fact that her father is absent.
But if you know she is not sick or has something harmful she can pass on to other kids, she probably internalized the consequences and wants to go to the dance.
She may have been feeling a lot of stress about dad vs stepdad at the dance. Maybe she felt weird about how other kids would react. Maybe she had big sad feelings about her dad not being there. I definitely did growing up, and stress and anxiety gave me stomach problems.
Don’t punish her for communicating the only way she knows how; she’s only 8 years old.
I feel bad for her.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. You both laid out the terms and she indicated that she understood.
I can respect that her mother feels bad, but that would be setting a dangerous precedent for the future. It’s important at any age that consequences be enforced and that both parental figures are on the same page.
Perhaps if you feel bad, you can plan a day together with her and do something fun, like get pedicures or go to a museum and get ice cream.” litt3lli0n
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Take her to school and go to the dance.
Have a big talk with her about why she is trying to get out of school. I suggest doing it while driving so that you are not making eye contact as that makes it easier for her to open up.
You should speak to the school nurse to let them know what is going on or she may end up back in the nurse’s office.
Also in the future make sure when she is home sick it is not a fun time. No tv. No iPad.
No phone. Instead, she lays in bed with lights off and all quiet. Sometimes the fake illness is for the fun of it.” Physical_Ad5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you and your wife need to be on the same page here and stay firm, that if you say something, you will follow through on it.
That said, you need to let her know that you were excited to go with her and will do something else together when she feels better, so she’s certain she’s not feeling rejected.
I think if you make it clear that you think it’s impossible to be too sick to go to school and then be 100% better such a short time later, and that her symptoms might be relieved for now, but will likely be back, and it’s too risky to go anywhere.
This may curb this pattern of behavior… but again, only if you and your wife are consistent about it.” marklbetya
17. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Using Pregnancy As An Excuse?
“My (36) wife (28) and I have been trying hard for a baby and finally got lucky with one.
Although now that she is pregnant it seems like she is using it to her advantage. She recently adopted a cat (which I’m allergic to) and said ‘Think of the baby’ or ‘The baby needs a buddy’. I gave in but kept my distance around the cat.
Whenever I ask her to help with some chores around the house she always says she can’t because of the baby.
I tried communicating to her that I don’t want the baby to be an excuse for everything, she began to yell at me screaming saying I have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant and to get over it.
It hurt me I will admit. I stayed quiet and did everything she asked. I needed a break no doubt, I cleaned the house every day, went to work, and took care of the cat she wanted, while she quit her job and stayed home doing nothing but watching tv and eating.
I did her makeup for her like she asked, rubbed her feet, and massaged her but it never seemed to be enough.
One day I asked her if I could just go hang out with my friends for a bit and she got mad and started screaming at me saying that she needed me here.
What about the baby? I was so tired and fed up that I told her to stop using her pregnancy as an excuse to get away with things. I care about the baby, but I will not stand for this. She called me a jerk and I walked out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Unless the doctor says otherwise she doesn’t need to change her normal routine. For example, if she used to run every day before getting pregnant it’s actually recommended she keep doing that (unless complications arise, again that’s why you see the doctor regularly).
Getting a pet you are allergic to is a hard NO. Unfortunately, the cat will need to be rehomed, and you should stand firm in your boundaries with that one ‘The cat goes, or I go’. It was incredibly disrespectful of her to do that.
Also, you’re still allowed your own time. As is she. It will be important when the baby comes that you two still make time for yourselves and for each other. Baby is important, but you have to take care of yourselves and your relationship too.
Can’t help the baby if you haven’t helped yourselves first.” phenomstar
Another User Comments:
“Needing extra help while pregnant is normal. Using it as an excuse to control and monopolize your partner is not. She brought home an animal you’re allergic to knowing she was going to make you care for it?
That’s borderline sadistic and sounds like she has no regard for your well-being.
There is far more going on here than your wife using pregnancy as an excuse. But as for your question, as someone who’s personally been through two very rough pregnancies that left permanent damage, NTJ.” skyelyy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she needs to grow up and realize she’s gonna be absolutely exhausted when that baby comes, and if you’re too busy having an allergic reaction to a cat you won’t be in a fit state to help. Cats don’t care where they sleep, we had to stop one sleeping on my newborn repeatedly while at my parents’.
They don’t differ between adult or child, babies grab and cats attack and scratch.
Don’t get me wrong I love cats well all animals but to get a cat when pregnant and say it’s for the baby is silly, especially with your allergy.
She’s being a spoiled brat. Take the cat to a shelter where it will be cared for and tell her enough! She will cry, rant and rave but all she will show is how she isn’t responsible enough for parenthood or being a pet owner.” CuriousAlice86
16. AITJ For Leaving My Friends Behind To Ski Down The More Difficult Slopes?
“I grew up about 50 minutes away from one of the best ski resorts in North America.
When I was young I actually dreamed of competing in the Olympics. The Winter X Games were as far as I got. And I never won there. Competing was still very cool. And I got to meet some people who are famous. And be trounced by them.
I don’t sit around bragging about ‘the good old days’. So when a bunch of my friends wanted to go skiing I said that I would go but that I was a really good skier/snowboarder so I would probably be off on my own for most of the day.
Everyone said that was fine but a couple of the guys started saying that I would not be able to keep up with them. I am not in the same shape I was when I competed. I’m ‘dad bod’ running to chubby now.
We get to the resort and I’m stoked. So many double blacks.
I didn’t bring my avalanche beacon and I’m old so I’m not going into the freeride areas. But I am going to spend most of my time in the expert areas or the terrain park.
We get there and I warm up with them on a couple of blue runs and they aren’t impressed by my so-called expertise.
After a couple of those, I hit a black diamond. Most of them take the blue trail out of there but a couple of them come with me. They actually did really well. I was impressed. But they were also a lot slower than me.
Next, I wanted some powder. The same two guys came with me. I asked them if they wanted to go first so I could assist them if need be. Nope. Okay, off I go. I go for a good rip and then I turned around to see how they were doing.
I waited about 15 minutes. One guy made it down to where I was. He said the other guy was stuck further up the slope. I asked if that guy was hurt. He said no, just stuck. So I let the one guy set the pace to the bottom of the lift. Then I went up for the other guy.
I found him and helped him up and even found his ski. We got to the bottom together and I took off.
So now it seems like everyone thinks I’m being a jerk for not wanting to socialize on the mountain and just doing my own thing.
I don’t get to take a lot of vacations so when I do I want to enjoy them. I still saw everyone for supper and we will be together at meals and the hotel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were honest up front (at your skill level, you wanted to do double black diamonds and so you would probably go do your own thing for a while), but you were sociable with some of your friends who kept up for a while, were thinking about a friend who got stuck, and you joined for dinner/social time.
This sounds a little like an ego thing. It’s up to you whether you prioritize coddling your friends’ feelings or having your own mountain experience. But the time actually skiing is largely a solo experience, and you don’t have to play down your expertise when you’re paying for the trip too.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You helped out your friends and were complimentary of their skills. It sounds like everyone was able to find slopes of appropriate skills.
I am guessing one or two people are the origin of the critiques. One thing I’ve learned is that when people are hurt or disappointed, the thing they complain about is the real issue that they’re having.
The people making the complaints about you abandoning them likely had in mind that they would spend a little more time in the activity itself with you – for them the outing was as much about camaraderie as skiing, would be my guess. Maybe next time, balance out time on the challenging slopes with a run or two down the easier ones with the folks who can’t do the black diamonds?
Everything in life, including friendships, involves compromise. I’m glad you got a chance to go out and take on the challenging slopes that you enjoy with a couple of your friends. Best wishes for navigating the hurt feelings in your friend group.” Tiraslin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the background info isn’t really needed as justification. I’ve never thought of this kind of trip (skiing, resort, and so on) to require 100% togetherness. Whether you decided to ski on a bunny slope, black diamond, or just hang out and drink hot chocolate – you’d spent group time together and were available to be good company when it was appropriate.
Not sure what else they want.” SnooPets8873
15. AITJ For Distancing My Family From My Brother And Sister-In-Law?
“My younger brother was getting married (I was asked to be best man) and his fiancée (now wife) almost uninvited my wife from the wedding 10 days before the event because our childcare fell through.
My wife debated not attending early on since our first kid was only 2mo old at the time and we needed to buy plane tickets (prices were high for our budget).
We ended up agreeing to go for a short trip and my wife’s parents would watch our baby at our house while we were out of state at the wedding.
That childcare fell through because my father-in-law is receiving cancer treatment and was told a slot opened up for a procedure he needed to do that exact weekend in a totally different city.
The next available slot was another month away and his Drs did not recommend waiting that long. So our 7mo old was now going to fly with us and we were reminded she could not be at any wedding events.
2 days after learning this (10 days before the event), my brother communicated that if we didn’t have a babysitter confirmed ‘by noon tomorrow’, my wife would not be allowed at the reception (and not at the wedding since she’d have to keep our child outside the church).
Even if we found a sitter in 24hrs, she would not have a place set for her and would be expected to not attend. This was blamed on the wedding planner needing numbers. I offered: ‘Assume she is coming, I will inform you if we can’t find someone before they ever set up the reception, and I will pay you for and eat the meal she is supposed to get.’ I was told ‘That doesn’t work for my fiancee.
My fiancee says you need to confirm a babysitter by noon tomorrow or your wife is not allowed.’
Against the odds, we found a sitter within the next 16 hrs and attended. I had to be very delicate in my best-man speech. It wasn’t fun and has created a base level of distrust between our families.
AITJ for distancing (we don’t initiate communication or interaction. We will attend events if they are present) my family from my brother/SIL after SIL attempted to un-invite my wife from their wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would probably be distant for a bit myself.
Your brother should have taken your word when you said ‘Assume she’ll be there’ and that should have been the end of it. I bet if you didn’t have a sitter, your wife would have volunteered to not come on her own. Your brother (mostly his fiancee) created unnecessary hostility.
You wouldn’t have purposely snuck in your kid against their wishes. Once you are comfortable, definitely talk to your brother alone about it. But keep it calm.” Nuisance36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish your FIL all the best. Clearly, the circumstances were extraordinary. I’m guessing the wedding party was all staying at the same hotel.
Why didn’t they reach out to the hotel, explain the situation, and see if the hotel could provide babysitting (for a fee) or have recommendations for a babysitter? Most hotels will either have the service available or have reliable people they can recommend because things like this do happen from time to time.
Plus, sometimes, adults just want to have one quiet dinner to themselves during a family trip with the kids. Heaven help them if they ever have kids! I promise childcare will fall through at the last minute at least once and generally not for anywhere near as serious a reason as this one.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cannot believe you still attended after the way you and your wife were treated. Your brother had his wife’s back even though she was dead wrong. You need to have your wife’s back. Your brother threatened to uninvite your wife because her dad had to have a life-saving operation and could no longer provide childcare to keep his wife happy.
It was unbelievably cruel. You still attending the wedding is not what a supportive husband does. You should have declined as soon as they threatened and mistreated your wife.” soph_lurk_2018
14. AITJ For Not Meeting My Grandson Yet?
“My (57f) oldest son Justin (33m) just had a baby boy on November 30 last year. Justin and his wife live an hour’s drive away however I don’t drive or have a car therefore if I took public transportation it would take upwards of 2 hours and a half to see them.
Due to them living so far, me being busy with work, and the cold winter weather I haven’t made my way out to see the baby.
I did host a Christmas dinner at a restaurant on December 16th for all my kids in which Justin and his wife said they would try their best to come with the baby however they did say it’s not guaranteed depending on how hectic it would be for them with a toddler and newborn.
They ended up not coming to the dinner and told everyone their doors are open for visitors during the holidays. None of us visited as we were busy and the commute was too far. I feel like I’ve done my part to see the baby with the dinner plans however it just didn’t work out.
Last week I received a call from Justin to come to meet the baby and see my granddaughter. I told him I had Valentine’s dinner plans with my partner and can’t come. I could tell he was annoyed on the phone. I really want to meet my grandson however things just haven’t worked out.
I do try to video chat to see their kids once every few months as Justin has made it clear in the past when they haven’t heard from me in over 8 months that I need to make an effort. Life just gets in the way.
I’ve noticed Justin’s wife stopped sending me pictures of the kids nor does she engage with me about anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
If you don’t want to make an effort, I don’t blame them for not doing so either. We have time for what we make time for, and if meeting your grandson wasn’t one of those I don’t think you’re a jerk, I just think you’re not a spectacular grandmother.
But at the end of the day, it’s not your kid or your responsibility.
I think your son and DIL are handling this exactly as they should. Either be part of your grandchildren’s lives or don’t. But don’t try to go halfway with it and have them send you pictures and updates just so you can feel like you’re part of their lives without actually doing so.
No child ever said ‘My grandma always says I look cute in the pictures my mom sends her, she’s such a great grandma. I wonder what she looks like…'” stealthykoalas
Another User Comments:
“What hurts your son isn’t that you haven’t gone to see your grandchild, but that you clearly have no interest in seeing your grandchild.
By your own account, you went over 8 months without even doing a video chat. I’m guessing the video chats are usually them reaching out to you, too. Except for your ‘come see me’ restaurant dinner invitation, you don’t make any effort. And by the way, hosting a nighttime event at a restaurant is not a kid-friendly type of invitation either, especially when you have young kids and a newborn.
It is your right not to have a relationship with your son or grandchildren.
But don’t pretend to be oblivious as to how you are hurting him.
As for judgment, I’m going to go with YTJ because while it is your right to not want a relationship, how you are going about it is unnecessarily hurtful, like you want him to be aware that you are too busy going out with people and prioritizing your life to spare even a video chat for him.
Ouch.” uwe0x123
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You aren’t obligated to trip all over yourself to see a baby. They aren’t obligated to trip all over themselves to send you pictures.
It sounds like you’re just not very close with your children and you really don’t expect much from them.
As long you’re not being needy or narcissistic, live your life. The only rule is that you don’t get to be annoyed if they don’t give you FaceTime/pictures (that’s narc). If you can’t be bothered to visit, they shouldn’t be forced to cater to your whims.
Just accept that you don’t have a close relationship and get over it.
If money is a major hardship and you cannot afford to get there without massive personal sacrifice, that’s a different story. The bottom line is that visiting them is a big inconvenience you don’t want to deal with it.
That’s fine, just don’t be hurt as you continue to grow apart.
I can’t imagine any of this comes as a surprise.” RandomizedNameSystem
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t do your best to see your grandbaby. You don’t really want to see him either. I’d be seriously upset if you were my mother and thought you’d done your best to see your grandbaby when you live only an hour away.
Inviting them to dinner at a restaurant when their baby was less than a month old is laughable. Take Uber if you have to. Have a friend drive you.******* up and get on the bus. Lordy. Yes, YTJ and your son and his wife have every right to be extremely upset with you.” herdingcats2020
13. AITJ For Not Tolerating My Husband's Spending Anymore?
“My husband (28) and I (26) have been together for 6 years.
My husband has always been a little weird but I loved that about him. I also loved how he never got boring. His hobbies would change all the time. It would go from painting to hiking, to swimming, to crocheting. It was a constant change.
I never complained about it, I always found it enjoyable.
The first week would be a spark of passion but then after the second week he would lose interest in it and it would hide in the back of our closet. I always kept his little makings and photos in a box when he was done with them (for memories of course).
That way whenever we get bored we would go through them and think back to those silly memories. It was always a treat.
Sadly, for the past month or so, we have been running low on money. I saved a jar of money in our room that we only used for emergencies.
Such as when we ran too low on bills, insurance, possible medical expenses, or groceries. The first time I noticed money was gone my husband came home with some groceries from the store, as I was helping him put stuff away I noticed in the bag a tennis racket and other equipment, I looked at him confused about all the things.
He told me he bought it with his own money though so it was fine. I believed him and went back to putting away groceries.
The second time I saw money taken, he came home with a PS5 and other things, I asked him how he paid for it, and he told me it was with the money from the jar but he was going to pay it back.
I told him that the money was only for emergencies when we were running low on funds. He told me he knew and that he would repay it, I left it alone and just hoped the money would return eventually, not pushing him as he wanted to ‘try video games out’.
Although that didn’t make me any less happy that important money was going to waste on video games.
The third time money was taken, I lost it. All the money in the jar was taken out, there were thousands of dollars in there and the only way I would be happy was if he was taking care of a medical expense or all the bills.
I called my husband to ask where he was and he told me he bought us a boat! I told him not to bother returning home for a bit and hung up. I needed to cool off a bit. I grabbed all the stuff in the back of the closet and posted them online to sell.
My husband soon returned home. He began to talk about the boat and how pretty it was and other things. When he finally noticed his stuff on the ground he asked about it. I told him I was selling it to hopefully get some money back to say he got mad was an understatement.
He tried taking all his stuff and throwing them back in the closet. I told him it was either those things or the boat. He told me how I was being a jerk in trying to get rid of his stuff. I told him I will not support his ‘hobbies’ anymore if they were taking money we didn’t have.
He slammed the door in my face and I haven’t seen him since. It’s been two days. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Be wary of him. He sounds impulsive to the point of self-destruction. What happens when he decides he wants to try something else out, like gambling?
He already shows he has no concern or respect for the idea of an emergency fund. The fact he just takes it without consulting is very sketchy.
Also, you don’t need a PS5 to ‘try games out’, that’s kind of insulting. He could have done that just as easily with a PC and a Steam account.
Or even just a last-gen console or something like that.
A PC, with either Steam or Epic games launcher provides free games to play, he could have experimented with that alone.” BlackIronSaturn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why do you not have this money in a bank?
If you are worried about emergencies that is where to put it, IF you don’t have a bank account GO OPEN ONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
If you have thousands of dollars in a jar in the house you are putting yourself at risk for theft.
Your husband is wrong to steal from you and not tell you. That is deceitful and breaks trust.
If you have items around the house he no longer uses I would sell them but put that money back into an emergency fund in your name only.
if you stay together you need to discuss finances and get added to the checking and other bank accounts.” Independent-Top3524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a huge red flag from your husband. He can’t just make expensive purchases without consulting you. He is taking money away from your savings/emergency funding to fund his temporary hobbies.
I think you need to have a conversation with him about consulting with you on these things. You should definitely bring up the fact that he said he would replace the money he borrowed, and he has only taken more since. He might be a shopaholic and might need therapy for it.
A boat is a huge purchase to make without consulting your partner.” Willing_Second1591
12. AITJ For Wanting To Move To A Different Table Because Of A Crying Baby?
“The other day I (38F) went out for dinner with my wife (35F). I had reserved our usual table at a rather sophisticated restaurant. We’ve been going there for a very long time (ever since we started going out which was 15 years ago) and I’ve never seen anyone bring very young kids there.
Anyway, the couple at the table right beside ours had brought their kid, who was just a few months old. The child would NOT stop crying. They would try to comfort her but it lasted just a few minutes and the kid went off on another crying fit.
Once our food arrived, it only got worse. I was there to have a relaxing one-on-one conversation with my wife and it was impossible under those circumstances. I thought we could sit at another table. So I asked our waiter if it was possible to be moved to a different table.
We’d been going to this restaurant for years and always sat at this table when we could so he asked me why we wanted to move (it was more of a joke). I said we wanted some space to have a conversation together and it was too loud here.
The couple heard my answer and the husband said that I was being rude and insensitive.
Now, we have two kids (8M and 6F). I know the stress of being parents but we never brought kids that young there. We went out much less and when we did we got babysitters then just as we do now.
I just said I preferred to sit somewhere else and didn’t understand their comments. Was it a jerk move? Especially because they heard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I bet they bring the baby to movies too. There’s nothing wrong with bringing a baby, but if it’s in a setting (like a high-end restaurant) that people can reasonably expect to… oh, I don’t know… hold a conversation and not need to yell over a crying baby… mom and dad should remove the baby.
If the baby won’t stop crying or disrupting others’ meals, then they should leave.
I am a mom. Babies cry. But that doesn’t give me the right to disregard the people around me. If you were at McDonald’s and wanted to move tables, it’s still justified. Don’t worry about butt hurt Dad.
He’ll get over himself (hopefully). You did nothing wrong.” astrid28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why did they bring a kid into a restaurant? It’s bound to be full of people and has some level of noise. Of course the kiddo was throwing a fit, they were uncomfortable.
Parents are morons here. Not only did they spoil the night for themselves, but they also did so for other guests.
You had every right to be comfortable while paying your money. The ones being rude and insensitive are the parents.
I get bringing a kid to a public place when needed and no one would judge parents for their crying toddler in the hospital or smth, but bringing them into a restaurant, which is not specifically kid-friendly is rude to the other people and cruel to the kid.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as you didn’t say it looking right at them while being loud for them to hear then yes that can be offensive to most who too are just trying to have a good time with the child they love.
People don’t go out with their babies hoping they throw a crying fit believe me it’s the last thing they hope for.
Understanding not everyone has the patience for babies/kids you kept mentioning how you two are long-term customers like you are to be more important than these people.
It’s totally fine if you want to sit at another seat but when people are under stress like that the tiniest thing can set them to get upset with someone.” 1lilhedgehog
11. AITJ For Not Asking For My Sister's Opinion On Adoption?
“My (27F) husband (26M) and I have been married for a little over 3 years. 2 years ago we began trying to get pregnant. We then moved on to attempting to get pregnant through fertility treatments.
When none of this worked we decided we wanted to pursue adoption. All my husband’s siblings are adopted and it was something we had been thinking about pursuing even before our fertility issues, but now it seemed like the best route for us to pursue.
We did lots of research including attending seminars and contacting multiple different agencies. We ended up deciding on an agency we liked. Since then we have been going through the Home Study process and beginning stages of joining the agency and we recently reached the final stage before we can begin the matching process.
Throughout all this, my parents and sisters have been supportive but clearly are unsure how to talk to me about it. I have tried not to overwhelm conversations with talking about it but it is a huge part of my life at the moment. I have tried to be especially sensitive to one of my older sisters who is infertile, as I know she has struggled in the past. Well over the last few months, I haven’t heard from this sister at all.
She is known for being hard to get in contact with, so I tried not to read into it too much, but I was aware she was talking to my parents and our other sister. I finally heard from her yesterday when she called me.
During the call, she expressed that it is hard to hear about the adoption stuff, which I understand, but then she started telling me that she and my other sister have been frustrated that they were not asked for their opinions before we started the adoption process.
She then proceeded to say we always come to just ‘tell them what we are doing and already have our minds made up’ so they feel they can’t share their thoughts on things.
She went on to question whether we understand how much harder raising an adopted child is rather than one you give birth to and asked if we aren’t too young to be doing this.
I was honestly shocked to hear all this. I have never had the type of relationship with my sisters where I go to them for advice, so hearing that they don’t understand why they weren’t part of my decision process made no sense to me.
So am I the jerk for not asking their opinion?
Extra context: My sister’s husband is adopted and struggles greatly with it. They are considering going through adoption themselves one day though so to be clear they are not against adoption.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your husband will be parents and responsible for that child. If you two aren’t ready I don’t think you would go for it. She is free to express her opinion but she cannot demand you take her advice.
Also, I don’t get why it is harder to raise an adopted child.
Sure it can be if you are adopting age 5 and up because the child understands stuff by then and may ask questions but ultimately if you are ready and understand the sacrifices you are making for the child it’s the same as having a biological one.” celestina047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a personal decision between you and your partner, no one else. You will be the parents of an amazing adopted child and not your parents nor your sister will be required to take care of them, therefore it’s entirely your call.
I don’t think you’re too young to adopt, it may be unheard of for people your age but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And given your husband has a history with adoption I’m sure you’re both well aware of what comes with raising an adopted child.
You’re doing a great thing, truly, and I’m sure your sister knows that, but jealousy is a really difficult emotion to deal with and she might just be processing this news in a way that’s not exactly healthy. Women who struggle with infertility have to deal with so much and sometimes it’s hard to separate that from news of great things like another couple having a child.
Give her time and space and I’m sure she’ll come around.” psipolnista
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is no one’s business but yours and your husband’s on how you choose to grow your family. If you want to seek advice from family, that is fine, of course, but you don’t have to.
Maybe if your sister wasn’t so judgmental, you would have gone to her for advice! You in no way need anyone’s permission. And it’s not really fair of her to assume you are not prepared for the challenges of raising an adopted child.
(For your information, in case you didn’t know, there are lots of wonderful organizations that support adoptive families). It is insane to me that your sister thinks she should have a say in this decision. If you had continued fertility treatments, your family would not have a right to know that, either.
The correct response from your sister would have been ‘Congratulations, that’s really exciting! I know it can be a rough road though, so let me know if I can do anything to support you.’
Good luck as you grow your family!” CosmicGreen_Giraffe3
10. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Pay Me Back For The Clothing Her Dog Destroyed?
“Two days ago my roommate’s dog somehow got out of her crate and got into my room. The dog is about a year old and she has literally never trained her, she pees everywhere so we have to keep her locked away in the kitchen so it doesn’t get on the carpet, she chews things up, and is super loud all the time.
I and the other roommate are so tired of her but there isn’t a ton we can do, our roommate (dog owner) keeps saying that she’s just a puppy and she’ll learn soon but it has not improved even slightly in the 6 months I’ve been here.
Anyways, when the dog got into my room she peed on my carpet, ate my cat’s food, and made a huge mess of the litter box. I was really annoyed, and my roommate kept trying to blame it on our other roommate saying he left the gate open and it’s his fault.
I told her that none of this would be a problem if she just trained her dog. Anyways I let it go and cleaned everything up, until tonight I’m getting ready for work and I go to put on a bodysuit I have, and the whole bottom part is torn nearly to shreds, definitely not wearable and I don’t think I could fix it.
Now this is an expensive body suit, it’s from the brand Skims and it is something I saved up for for a while. I showed her the bodysuit and told her what happened, she said she was so sorry about it and she’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I asked her to pay me back for it or replace it because it was something I care about and it was her dog who ruined it, she freaked out when I showed her the price (about $70) and said it wasn’t her fault and that it wasn’t like she broke it blah blah blah.
I told her it was her dog that she refused to train so in turn her actions led to this so she should at least try to replace it.
Anyways, AITJ for expecting her to pay me back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is responsible for her dog’s actions and the fact that she actively refuses to train the dog is only going to end badly for both her and the dog.
It is highly possible that the dog will get in some kind of a fight and will have to be put down because she is not a responsible dog owner. She should most definitely pay you and it might give her some boost to actually take care of the dog as she is supposed to.” dizel20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel so sorry for the dog. It’s destructive because it’s bored and like you said, hasn’t been trained. A shared house is rarely a good place for a dog unless it’s super well-trained or everyone loves it and agrees to pitch in.
She’s treating the dog’s destruction as something that ‘just happens’ – would she say the same about a child? It’s really disrespectful. You should keep on asking her to pay (in installments if necessary) until she gets the picture.” Holiday_Cat_7284
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for wanting your roommate to pay for the damaged body suit her dog chewed up.
Accidents happen. For sure. But it’s HER dog. And, like if someone’s young child (no I’m not comparing dogs to kids per see. Haha.) destroyed something of someone else’s, the caretaker is responsible since they cannot be. Personally, I would apologize and OFFER to pay to replace the damaged item if my dog damaged someone’s stuff!
I’d feel horrible!” Light_Seeker90
9. AITJ For Not Going To A Wedding Because Of A Coat?
“My (24M) sister (35F) is getting married tomorrow to her partner of 10 years (40M). This wedding was not planned and has been a rush job and headache for our parents and aunt who are helping her since she dropped the bomb a week ago.
I am a student teacher/teacher’s assistant so getting the day off was hard enough, now my sister has 2 kids from a previous relationship (14F and 12M) and her partner has children as well (20F and 18M). Now the school I’m in as well as my course has me in smart casual wear except for casual Fridays.
I’m not close to her partner’s kids but we get along fine. The issue comes from her partner’s son ‘Z’, a few years ago my late gran had a special long coat made as a college gift, my name is sewn into the sleeve so it can’t be switched with a similar kind, this jacket went missing at her daughter’s birthday and I was devastated.
Now Z had posted pics of him in it and I called my sister and asked her about it, she explained that Z said I gave it to him, I asked her if she believed that and drove to her for it, Z apparently had a fit before I arrived and left. The coat reeked of smoke (I don’t smoke) so I was mildly upset that she knew where my coat was and believed I had given it away.
Fast forward I’ve let go of the event for her peace and I’m civil with Z. Her son ‘R’ is wearing my long coat for the ceremony, He begged to borrow it and I trust him since he understands the sentiment of the coat and promised to hand it back to me once the ceremony is over, I’m wearing one of my work blazers before someone asks why I’m not wearing it.
Now here’s where I could be the jerk, Z was not part of the ceremony as his mother didn’t want him to be part of it, but now he’s decided to attend and has no clothes to fit in, R called me saying sis took the coat and told Z to wear it.
I drove there immediately and confronted her, she confirmed what R told me and I reminded her of what happened before and she assured me it wouldn’t happen again, I told her I wasn’t comfortable with Z wearing the coat and after some back and forth I took it back.
I got home and Sister had already told our parents what happened, Mom understands but is guilt tripping me as it’s sister’s day, Dad’s on my side and trying to keep the peace but now sister wants Z to wear my coat because it would complete his ‘outfit’ and calling me a petty jerk for holding a grudge.
I fired back that if I’m so petty against a thief I won’t attend her wedding, this shut her up and ended her rant.
BIL called me a few hours later and had no idea that sister was fighting for the coat as when the coat first went missing he apologized on Z’s behalf.
He reminded me that it was still my sister and that he’d work things out and would like me to attend the wedding.
I’m not good after all the back and forth between her and me and honestly I don’t feel like attending the wedding after all the horrible things she said and called me.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but not attending that wedding will likely haunt you. For years. So consider it thoroughly.
Don’t wear that coat to their home or this wedding – and make sure it’s locked up if they’re in your home. I don’t know what it’s made of – but they obviously want to get their hands on it permanently and you plan to keep it.
Perhaps it’s valuable – perhaps it just looks that good on Z – but geez – that’s a nutty obsession to steal another person’s coat!
They’re lucky there wasn’t police involvement which would have been justified.
Anyway – adults aren’t behaving like adults here. The bad behavior of posing as the borrower to get the coat for the OG thief isn’t a good look…
But it’s probably worth swallowing all the anger and getting thru the wedding so that you can say you went. (Sounds like it’s gonna be a true three-ring circus of a family unless the new parent has some moxy and can parent better).
It’s never bad to be the more grown-up person at a family event.
As long as you have the option to leave? (Your own transportation out of there?) You’re good. Though frankly, I’d be trepidatious too.” RavenCT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Remind your BIL that the reason (I assume) you haven’t called the police for theft or filed against them in court for reparations for professional cleaning and mending is because she is your sister.
But the grace of that status has now been exhausted, your sister needs to replenish it with genuine apologies to you, humbly calling off the relatives she’s incited to berate you, and being the ‘bad guy’ doling out and enforcing appropriate punishment for lying and thieving Z.” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. The thief should not be, in ANY WAY, rewarded by having the use of a coat. Your sister can’t respect that. It has sentimental value and I guarantee Z would ‘accidentally’ get something down it. I’m actually mostly upset that after everything, and that you only gave permission to 1 person, your sister wanted to override you and give it to someone else like the theft didn’t matter, the coat didn’t matter and only her word mattered. Next, she’ll be saying he can keep it if he gets hold of it again.
Go to the wedding. Enjoy. But don’t take the coat.” Neither_Lawfulness79
8. AITJ For Getting In A Car With Strangers After My Car Ran Out Of Gas?
“Yesterday I was driving to school and I ran out of gas in the middle of the road — basically my car just stalled. I knew I needed gas on Monday but I just kept forgetting to stop.
I also forgot my phone and I had no idea what I was going to do so honestly my reaction to stressful situations is just to cry to clear my head so I can think.
I guess I didn’t realize that because I was in the middle lane I caused a pretty big backup and that made me more stressed and more crying because I didn’t know how I would get out of the predicament.
These really nice guys in a construction truck pulled up next to me and asked if I needed help.
I said yes… not only did they push my car out, but they also gave me a ride to the gas station and even paid for my gas and the little tank thingy and then gave me a ride back and then even followed me to the gas station to make sure I made it safely — they were literally the nicest group of guys I’d ever met… they refused to take any money or let me buy them lunch or anything.
When I told my brother about what happened he said I had a long line of making stupid decisions but I can’t be this big of a jerk to get in a car with strange men. I said this is his natural negativity when I’m positive.
He said if our dad finds out about this he’s going to be mad and I was ignorant for putting myself at ‘risk’ and being a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You ran out of gas because you forgot to fill up. You forgot your phone.
You made no effort to try and get help despite the extremely dangerous situation of blocking traffic. Then you blindly got in a car with strangers.
Girl, you have the executive function and decision-making skills of someone who absolutely should not be driving a 1-ton automobile around other people.” MommyLovesPot8toes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not for the reasons your brother says.
You were a jerk for allowing yourself to endanger and inconvenience an entire three-lane highway because you were too forgetful/foolish to get gas a week ago.
And YOU didn’t deal with it at all.
You couldn’t have: you didn’t even have a phone. You just sat there being useless and crying until a saint in a truck dealt with literally all of it.
You need to get a grip and grow up, fast. You are a danger to yourself and others.
You should be ashamed.” User
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but since this whole situation seems to stem from poor decision-making on your end, I feel like YTJ. You knew you needed gas since Monday and still put it off (I can sympathize, I hate getting gas and I only feel comfortable doing it at one place, but that means I have to plan accordingly).
Forgetting your phone was unfortunate, but it was also probably avoidable. By ending up stranded in the middle lane, you endangered not only yourself but everyone else on that road. All it would have taken was one person not paying enough attention for an accident to happen.
You were so so so lucky the people you met had good intentions. There are many dangerous people in this world. Stay safe out there and turn this into a learning moment.” FairlyUnhappy
7. AITJ For Asking Someone To Step Aside To Put On Her Jacket While Getting Off The Plane?
“I travel quite a bit for work and I generally find most people follow plane etiquette well, generally. Flying can be tiring and stressful so I try to be considerate to other people.
I only recline if there is no one behind me or if the person behind me is reclined already. I always give the person in the middle seat the armrest.
Yesterday, I (34f) was on a short flight home after a 9hr flight and a 4-hour layover.
The flight was fine, with no issues. This plane only had an entrance/exit from the front. As we were exiting the plane, a lady (30s?) in the row in front of me (I was in row 10) took her bag down from the overhead and began fussing with her stuff, putting things in her bag and putting on her coat in the middle of the aisle.
I said, ‘I’m sorry but could you step aside to put on your jacket so everyone else can get off the plane’. She claimed that she was giving another lady (60s?) a few rows ahead of her time to get off. This older lady was actually getting her bag down at the time but was standing off the aisle while doing so.
I would have let her out ahead of me if she was ready when I got to her aisle. The lady I asked to step aside then looked to her partner and said ‘Coming baby?’ He sounded annoyed and told her to just go.
Whether he was annoyed at me or her I’m not sure.
I didn’t mean to be a jerk to her, I just thought it was inconsiderate to hold up the rest of the plane. I personally wasn’t in a rush as I had a bag to collect from the carousel so I knew I had time, I had also let the lady in the aisle across from me go ahead of me, she seemed anxious to get moving.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
This is a pretty common practice to let people get themselves organized to get off the plane.
It’s understandable that you wanted to just go, but this is the name of the game in shared travel. It’s not totally inconsiderate, it’s just a thing.
Everyone is held up by people getting their bags and getting off.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The lady holding up the line was not doing much by holding up the line for an old lady a few rows ahead who was getting her own bag down.
She should’ve gotten her stuff and gone up the lane to where the old lady was and waited there (and reassured or helped the old lady), thus giving space to the ones behind her.
‘I personally wasn’t in a rush as I had a bag to collect from the carousel so I knew I had time, I had also let the lady in the aisle across from me go ahead of me, she seemed anxious to get moving.’
You. Are. Awesome. Us passengers who need to get to somewhere else quickly (like for a connecting flight with a short layover). Thank you.” Monimonika18
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Would I have put my jacket on like that? No. But the thirty seconds she was taking really isn’t that big of a deal. You decided to make someone else’s day a little worse on purpose.
You probably have spent more time thinking about and writing this post than you would have saved had she stepped aside.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This was the last leg of your trip. You weren’t trying to catch a layover, and you most likely ended up standing around the luggage carousel waiting for your bags anyway.
You didn’t need to say anything to her. But yes, she could have moved. Ultimately, you were like the drivers that speed past other cars just to be the first to wait in line at the next red light.” Senior_Cheesecake155
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For The Increased Electricity Bill?
“I (28M) live at home with my parents still. In an arrangement to pay my way and support the household, I am responsible for covering the light bill and my own grocery costs.
The rest of the bills (mortgage payments, hydro, internet) are primarily covered by my Dad.
My mom supports with bills here and there, but she is not the ‘breadwinner’. Over a year ago, my dad purchased a Tesla to save on gas, calculating average mileage and electrical costs his switch has saved him 100% on travel and increased the light bill by approximately 20%.
I do not feel it is fair for me to cover these increased costs. My mom being a stay-at-home mom for a good chunk of her life has not established a career and now works entry-level roles that limit the amount she is willing to support with.
She and my dad insisted I should still cover all of the light cost, essentially his transportation. I feel this is unfair because I also have to pay for my own car fuel – I don’t think it’s right that his costs get inadvertently offloaded on me.
On top of it, my parents are framing me as ungrateful and selfish noting that I should be grateful + that I am spoiled for living at home still. I don’t believe I’m a freeloader, I just don’t feel I should provide support unfairly and disproportionately, appreciating that I’m still working to save and get my own home.
I feel my mom prefers to argue in favor of me contributing disproportionately because it’s beneficial to herself.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are 28 and you are probably still not paying anywhere near as much as if you were renting a place by yourself or with a roommate.
You are in a privileged position. Your parents don’t have to let you stay at all, they could charge you for the room and all the utilities you use too. But they don’t. You pay one bill and your parents pay for the rest.
You are ungrateful and spoiled, your mother’s earnings have nothing to do with you paying an upped bill.
The fact you heavily imply that she could earn more if she wasn’t a stay-at-home mom shows you clearly only care for her monetary value to the household.” Valjz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your mom and dad are married and living together. The money they both make is shared amongst each other and this includes when your mom was a stay-at-home mom.
Stop trying to point at your mom being a terrible person because of how they distribute their finances.
YTJ because you can choose to pay or move out. Does it******* increased? Yes. However, you have a choice to stay or move and you don’t mention it making you struggle more with the increase.
I’m positive that the single bill you’re paying isn’t gonna be as much as rent which normally increases yearly as well. Welcome to being an adult. It sucks.
Pick your battles.” grimblacow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you were living with roommates and agreed to split the electric bill, I’d agree it would be wrong for one roommate to get an electric car and expect the bill payment split to remain the same.
You are not a renter living with roommates though. You’re living at home with your parents and while you are contributing financially to the household, you’re not actually paying your own way. If you feel that your family is taking advantage of your financial and household labor contributions the only solution is to move out and get your own place.” primroseandlace
1) you're living at your parents house to save money. They are subsidizing you so that you can save money. (Does your mom make all of you meals so you can save even more money?)
2) You are a grown up living in a grown up world, independent and able to make sound decisions.
Pick 2 and move out, or stay there forever and quit complaining about this "rent" increase. Either way YTJ.
5. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Sibling To Have Their Engagement Party On My Birthday?
“So my sibling recently got engaged and now they are planning a party, it was planned to be towards the end of March, they paid for the catering company, the DJ, the arrangements, everything.
I saw my parents and my sibling rushing everything and was confused since the party is mid-March, now they tell me it’s on the 2nd of March, my birthday.
They changed the date because of the other side’s family. Now I feel like I’m not the jealous type, and not the type to want to make everything about me, but this birthday I have a party planned (side note I rarely have parties but this birthday is a milestone).
I can’t really say anything to change their mind since the date is so close, but I wanted to ask if I would be the jerk if I told them that I didn’t want the party on my birthday, or if it’s better to keep it to myself.
I love my sibling and their SO but I can’t help but feel angry for them making it on my birthday, and also feel awful for feeling angry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t expect it to change. Host your party, have a good time with the people who made time for you and if anyone in your family gives you crap for missing their engagement party remind them that it was your birthday first and you had plans.
Also, engagement parties are weird. I do not understand why every stage of a wedding must be marked with a different party that suddenly takes precedence over every other occasion.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I don’t think your sibling decided this with malicious intent.
Your sibling probably forgot that that was your birthday and absent-mindedly rescheduled it for then.
You’re not a jerk for wanting to have a party on your birthday, especially if it’s rare for you to do it. You’ll have to make a decision on which event you’ll be attending or try and make time for both.
Either way, make sure you inform your sibling of the choice.” moron555
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Of course. Totally understandable you don’t want it.
Incomprehensible that they planned it for your birthday. That is not something you do. Just not.
I offer a compromise. Since they already paid and ordered everything.
I would tell them that since they planned their celebration on your birthday (so you let them know it bothers you duh), the celebration of your birthday will be some other day. Eg, 9th of March.
Certainly, it’s not fair to you. Even if it’s evil to you.
But they won’t change it and you would make drama which would lead to blaming you.” EmpressLadyDi
4. AITJ For Wanting To Press Charges Against My Classmates?
“2 months ago, my father unexpectedly passed away. These months have been really hard for me and especially when I am at school and I try to focus. Today I received a follow request on social media from a user called ‘deadfather_(my name)’. I immediately show it to my mother and we filed a report to the police who will find the person who did it.
I am 100% sure that it is a classmate of mine since the other people who know about my dad’s passing are 50 years old, friends of my parents who can’t even use social media.
My mother told me that when the police find the person who did it, she is just going to ‘scare them off’ using the cops or someone else and then drop the charges so they will understand that they are powerless and won’t try to do something similar again.
I disagree. Throughout my childhood, I have been bullied so many times and have changed 4 schools because of it. It’s about time someone pays for what they have done and I will not feel guilty if they have to pay a fine or go to a juvenile detention center.
My mother was shocked and told me it is not fair because they are underage and immature. Am I the jerk for standing by my opinion even though it’s harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should set your expectations – it’s highly unlikely that anyone would have to do any jail time for this.
The most severe outcome would likely be a suspension from school. Possibly expulsion if this was done by someone with a history of bullying.
It’s also possible that they don’t find out who did this – my guess is that it’s pretty low on the police priority list.
I’m really sorry that you have to go through this type of bullying, especially at the same time as you’re mourning your father.” Mjd19941994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset and wanting this awful treatment to stop. However, it’s highly unlikely that what they did, distasteful and nasty as it is, rises to the level that law enforcement will care or respond.
Only the DA can press charges, at least in the US, private citizens can’t bring criminal charges of their own volition. If this continues and escalates, you might be able to seek a restraining or no contact order. The operative word is might. Block the jerks and save screenshots if it continues.
Hopefully, this pack of jagoffs will get bored when you block and see you’re above it. I’m sorry for your loss.” adlittle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to press charges, but if I were you, I wouldn’t. Internet impersonation/harassment cases are unlikely to result in anything more than a warning, even if you win.
There’s also a good chance you would not win because you wouldn’t be able to prove certain elements of the claim with the requisite certainty. So it’s possible your bullies will come away feeling that they’ve won and this will embolden them. Much better for them to get off with a warning and a good scare per your mom’s plan.” JeepersCreepers74
3. WIBTJ If I Want To Travel While My Wife Takes Care Of Our Newborn?
“I (28M) work at a company that has headquarters based in Europe.
My team at work (6 people total) is being flown out to Europe for 2 weeks to coordinate and prepare a product launch with our colleagues there. While we are there, my team wants to do some sightseeing, hiking, etc. I have not had the opportunity to experience another country before or travel to this extent.
The issue is that after our company announced this trip, we found out my wife (29F) is pregnant. We are very excited about this new adventure. The trip will be around the time our baby is 3 months old. My wife thinks that this is not a good time to go on this trip.
It is possible for me to do this work remotely, so it’s not that I have to go to Europe.
My wife will not be working at this time so childcare is not a concern. Our in-laws both live within 10 minutes so we are also not without a support system in the 2 weeks.
I am conflicted because, on the one hand, I would love this experience, but I also know it would be unfair to leave my wife to take care of the child for 2 weeks while I’m away having fun.
WIBTJ if I still went on this work trip?”
Another User Comments:
“Mmm, no jerks here
It’s a work thing, and while you could sightsee and hike at the same time, you wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the work aspect, and while working from home is an option, I found myself that it’s not ideal when working with a crew, easier to ask questions in person or show them something in person.
But I get your wife’s situation too, it’s a new baby, and healing and learning to care for a baby takes a long time. Especially a first baby, and while your parents are all around, it’s not the same as having your partner there.
If you went after she’s already said no, you’d be the jerk, but talk to her about it again, explain why you think it’s a good idea, and ask her to talk to you about why she doesn’t.
In the end, if she still says no, that’d be it, especially if there is that option to stay home.
If it were my partner I’d say yes, go, but I’m not your wife.” amzi95
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
But only lightly. I get wanting to go on this trip because it is a nice opportunity, but there is a major sleep regression that happens around 3 or 4 months with babies.
It is absolutely miserable for the parents, and sometimes the kid is even extra miserable. If you can do this all remotely and it won’t impact your career I would strongly recommend staying home. Europe will still be there when your kid is older, or you can take a trip with the family.” DinahDrakeLance
Another User Comments:
“Honestly it depends. NTJ for WANTING to go. But IF you do go it should be with your wife’s full and honest consent (no guilting her or pressuring her into saying yes). You should have a FULL plan of support for her, not just in-laws but also paid help since she’ll be the one waking up in the middle of the night continuously to take care of the crying/screaming baby.
You should make sure that you can cancel the trip at any time since you have no idea what things will be like after the birth. Your baby could be one to get sick easily, your wife could suffer from postpartum depression. There are many possible circumstances that would make you the jerk if you don’t cancel.
Also, staying a few days would be okay (again, if she says yes) but just a few, not a week or two.
Also, after your baby is born, it’s very possible you won’t even WANT to go.
If you go without proper planning, without her consent, or in spite of problems with your wife/baby after the birth, then you’ll be a massive giant jerk.” Cliffhangincat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For most of that, I was going to say not, it sounded like a necessary work trip and the sightseeing aspects weren’t going to take away from time at home.
Then you got to the bit where you said you could do it remotely.
Which changes it entirely. You’re no longer going for work, but just for the sightseeing.
You have NO IDEA what issues might arise in the first 3 months. Your wife could suffer from depression. Your child could be sick. Your child could be struggling to settle and your wife might be struggling with sleep.
It’s not the same or even close to the same as having your partner to have your parents or other relatives and friends helping. This is YOUR responsibility and you want to go on a holiday?” South_Front_4589
2. AITJ For Wanting My Wedding Guests To Wear Something White?
“I (26f) am marrying my fiance (28m) in 2 years. To give you some back story. My personal style is very dark, I wear all black all the time, my home is black and grey, my hair is dark, etc. My idea for my wedding is to have my fiance, our son, my nieces, and myself in all black and have the rest of the party in white.
My sister (27f) is also getting married this October. She is the opposite of me in almost every way. She has an all-white dress and loves colors, blue and blush are her colors. Very elegant and pretty. We were talking the other day about how she wishes she could wear her wedding dress multiple times.
I had the bright idea of saying ‘Wear it to my wedding!’ We both loved the idea and thought that if people still had their wedding dresses they could wear them to my wedding as long as they were white (or any variation of white).
Most of my bridal party is also married and I know all of their dresses are white because I attended their weddings.
However, my little sister (24f) hates this idea. She is the only one in my bridal party that isn’t married so she would be the only one that wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress.
She has been engaged for 4 years and she and her fiance are always breaking up so she doesn’t have a dress. I told her since my wedding is 2 years away I could help her buy a pretty white dress. She was still mad at me because she feels like I’m excluding her.
This is where I know I’m a jerk because I said ‘I’m offering to help you feel pretty and not left out and you’re still mad because you and your loser partner can’t stay together long enough to pick wedding colors let alone actually get married.’ She still hasn’t talked to me and it’s been a week.
Now I know I’m a jerk for saying that but, am I a jerk for the general theme of my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Definitely NTJ for the theme, which I kind of feel like you know. The theme is cute! But of course, your sister is having big feelings about not getting married when she’s been engaged for a long time and both of her sisters are planning THEIR wedding.
You can (and should!) go ahead with your white dress plan, but you should apologize to your sister for what you said, and try to think about other ways to make sure she gets to have some time with you guys that isn’t all about weddings.” peakvincent
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I know you have a vision for a perfect look for your wedding and you are thinking of your sister mostly but I feel telling guests what to wear is a jerk move especially a color people might not have in their wardrobe.
Some people might be able to wear their old wedding dress again but many can not fit in it or do not have one. A lot of people are not going to have other occasions to wear a fancy white dress again so would have to shell out for a one-time use dress for your wedding.
Some people really don’t enjoy wearing white.
Maybe everyone you would invite would love it but possibly more are like your sister than you think.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your theme, it’s pretty cool.
NTJ for telling your guests they can wear their wedding dresses if they choose to.
NTJ for your younger sister not being married yet and therefore does not currently own a wedding dress. Your wedding is two years away. She could get married in that time frame. Or she could just buy/rent a wedding-type dress to wear to the event if she’s upset that she isn’t married and will ‘stand out’ for not being in a wedding dress.
Your comment was mean, but you seem genuinely apologetic about it. Your sister is not ready to get married, that’s okay. She’s young, she has time. You are not excluding her by giving people the option of wearing a wedding dress. There’s no guarantee your entire married bridal party will even still be able to fit into their wedding dresses or would want to wear them anyway.
It’s not likely that your sister will be the only one in attendance not in a wedding dress.
Someone could easily gain/lose weight between now and your wedding, someone could be pregnant and unable to wear their dress, someone could decide they want to save their dress for a family member and don’t want to risk damaging it, someone could just decide they want to wear anything else.
Your sister is angry about not being married and she’s taking it out on you, but it’s not your fault. Talk things out with her and see if you can come to some sort of agreement. And remind her that two years is a long time from now – anything could change.” sparrowhawk75
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You get to set a dress code for your wedding like ‘semi-formal’ or ‘black tie,’ but not to make everyone wear a specific color. Most men would not have white suits. A lot of people don’t like to wear white for various reasons, not the least of which is that it gets dirty easily.
Additionally, a lot of women either don’t fit into their wedding dresses anymore, no longer have them, or just might not want to wear the same style that they did 5/10/20+ years ago when they got married. I think your intentions are good but I personally think it’s too big of an imposition.” maspinchos
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Pizza?
“I am the only one of my friends who likes regular cheese pizza. My other two friends like toppings. So whenever we order pizza, I always get my own pie and they share whatever toppings pie they want.
The other day we ate at a pizzeria. I got a cheese pie as usual and Amy and Beth shared a pepperoni pie. And as usual, Amy criticized how boring my choice is and that I don’t like any TOPPINGS. Beth snickered at this.
When the pizza came out, Beth asked if she could try a slice of my pie.
I said no. She asked why not and I said I was paying for my food, she has her own food and I didn’t feel it was fair. Plus I was planning to take my leftovers home for dinner. Beth said it wasn’t that serious and that I was being a cheapskate.
She said she would give me the extra couple of dollars for a slice she was taking if it was such a big deal. Again I told her no, and said that they always make fun of my food choice and now they want to eat it?
Doesn’t work like that.
It made an awkward rest of the dinner, to say the least.
AITJ? Maybe I was being too cheap and difficult but I really am tired of people stealing my food after criticizing me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why would they need to try your pizza if they were getting their own?
Their pizza has cheese on it, too. You don’t have to share. You ordered and paid for the amount of food you wanted to eat. It’s okay to set boundaries with other people even if it seems insignificant to them. It sounds like they were the ones trying to make something out of it when they could have just accepted ‘no’ as the answer.” MiaDolorosa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re out with FRIENDS. It’s not about being cheap. It’s about being anti-social. If the pizza is that important to you, take what she offered and come back in the evening or the next day and buy yourself the pizza. You didn’t say Beth always asked for your food and you were finally making a stand which I would get.
This does not look like friendship to me.” dabrickbat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are learning about boundaries!
Your friends are rude and s**g you off for your choice of food, but then they want you to give them some? Beth doesn’t need to ‘try’ a slice of plain pizza to know what it tastes like.
It tastes exactly like her pizza except without the toppings. She sounds like a giant jerk.
It’s hard because in high school you’re often still friends with whoever you’ve been friends with since you were a kid. But sometimes those people grow up to be rude and entitled. Once you get to college you’ll be able to choose who you actually want to hang out with and find some friends who aren’t jerks.” oilspill555
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your friend wanted to try your pizza. The rest is static noise. You said no. You’re petty and cheap. Nothing wrong with plain pizza, but there’s nothing wrong with teasing your friends either. Not sure why they hit a nerve, but they clearly did.” marklbetya
