People Wonder Whose Side We'll Take In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Canceling My Partner's Tattoo Appointment Behind Her Back?
“My partner has OCD – one symptom she experiences is her doing everything in 5s. Her mother passed away in March 2018.
My partner goes to therapy, and in January of this year when she brought up getting a tattoo for the 5th anniversary of her Mother’s death, I suggested she talk about it with her therapist. After doing so, she said that her therapist also didn’t think it was a good idea, as she believed that the drive behind her wanting to get the tattoo was her OCD, rather than the actual WANT of getting it.
However, my partner still went ahead and booked the appointment. After talking with a couple of friends about it, they all agreed that it wasn’t a good idea to make such a permanent decision which has purely been fuelled by her OCD.
If she had somewhat recovered from her OCD, I wouldn’t be so hesitant.
However, she hasn’t made any progress.
I emailed the tattooist (we have each other’s passwords) and canceled her appointment. I told her an hour before her appointment that it had been canceled, and as she had booked the last slot for the day, she was unable to get it done.
I knew she was going to be upset, but I didn’t really realize HOW upset she was going to be. It’s been a couple of weeks, and it’s honestly crazy how she’s reacted to it, but I am more than certain (and so are our friends) that in the future once she recovers from her OCD, she will be really grateful.
It’s clear that it was OCD influenced, as it has flared up a bit because of it – and she’s aware of that too – and has described it as making her physically sick when she thinks about the fact she’ll never be able to get a tattoo on the 5th anniversary.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For Pete’s sake, stop saying you’re waiting for her to ‘recover’ from OCD because you don’t, you manage your OCD. As someone with OCD, there is nothing you could possibly do to help. That’s what the therapist and meds if they’re on them are for.
The way you look down on your partner and treat her like a child is gross. This is extremely controlling and if I were her I’d dump you so quickly.
Even if 5 is her compulsion there’s nothing wrong with tattoos so I’m confused as to why you and your friend group think her getting a tattoo to memorialize her DECEASED mother would be a bad decision.
(Aside from the fact none of your opinions matter) People without OCD get the same type of tattoos every day.” Starry_Myliobatoidei
Another User Comments:
“If you’re an adult and aren’t permitted to make the basic decision for yourself, then technically you’re not free.
Who appointed you to be your partner’s keeper?
Has she been declared incompetent? I’m guessing not. You had no right to interfere with her life or her getting a memorial tattoo. I really don’t know who you think you are but it’s clear you are only making things worse for her.
If she ever thought of you as a safe person, ally, or who had her back and truly cared about her feelings, she now knows better.
You’ve lost her trust and please don’t kid yourself that she’s going to wake up one day and be grateful. OCD or not, she has rights and you violated them. YTJ.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You realize your partner is an adult, right?
Regardless of whether or not this is tied to her OCD, it’s something she wanted to do and you had absolutely no right to cancel her appointment.
It’s an incredibly controlling thing to do.
You didn’t realize that controlling your partner would result in her being upset? There’s also a chance that taking away her decisions could cause a flare-up around this whole process.
Also, if you want to help her in the future, go and talk to a therapist about how you should help someone with OCD.
A few of my relatives have OCD and you’re supposed to offer a patient and understanding environment.
If the person is at a point where they’re ready to tackle their compulsions, that has to be agreed upon together. That isn’t a situation where you get to force them not to act on them as that can backfire astronomically.
You can actively refuse to participate in any of their compulsions, but you don’t get to force them not to act on them.” SeekingBeskar
18. AITJ For Not Attending All Five Days Of My Wife's Friend's Wedding?
“My wife has a close friend who is getting married this winter. My wife will be in the wedding party. My wife’s friend is very sweet and we are thrilled for her and her partner that they are getting married.
However, their wedding activities have been stretched across five days: Days 1 and 2 are the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties (plus ones are encouraged to attend).
Day 3 is a get-together with everyone (including non-wedding party people). Day 4 is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Day 5 is the wedding.
The wedding requires us to take a two-hour flight to California, find lodging, and hire someone to watch our pets while we’re away.
If we attend the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and wedding get-togethers on Days 1-3, it would cost extra for lodging for those days. Then there’s the matter of the wedding gift. My wife and I both work and while these costs wouldn’t put us on the street, it does add up fast. Also, we can only afford one week-long vacation a year, so this friend’s wedding week will be it.
My wife wants to be there for all the activities (all five days). I think that’s a lot to ask and, while I support my wife going to all events, I don’t really want to devote that much of my own vacation time to a wedding week.
I’d be willing to attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (I’ve been invited to both) and the wedding (I’m invited to that event, too). Just to clarify, I’ve been invited to all events.
Honestly, I think it’s a lot of this person, in particular, to ask of her wedding party.
She works a job that doesn’t pay very much and can only take vacations at certain times of the year. Personally, I think it’s inconsiderate of her to ask her wedding party to do something she herself isn’t in the position to do.
If the tables were turned, she definitely couldn’t make it to all of these events.
Anyway, WIBTJ for going to only the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They definitely don’t expect you to be there all 5 days, it sounds like they’re just being nice and not excluding people if they want to come on the same flights.
If you’re thinking you want a bach party, it’s much cheaper to ask your friends to spend 1-2 more days and do things on Tuesday night than a whole weekend at a different location a month before. Usually, no one tallies up the extra cost of vacation days.
Anyway, do what you want to do.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I also think there are two ways to look at this. Yes, 5 days is a marathon, and expecting people to take a whole week off to be there might be a lot.
However, this does save paying for and organizing two separate trips for Bach weekends and wedding. I would think this sounded really fun! But wedding stuff isn’t for everyone, and I’m sure they aren’t expecting every partner to be there all 5 days.” songofthelark117
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… and if I’m being honest, I’d be a little peeved at my fiancé if he wanted to spend our only vacation time of the year together at a wedding (and vice versa). As someone who travels twice a year for a week each time, I’d MAYBE go to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.
Everything else is too much. You’re using your VACATION time for something that won’t be considered a vacation at all then have to wait another year to go on a true vacation. Absolutely not (for us).
If the bachelor/bachelorette parties were on a weekend during the year and I didn’t have to take vacation time, yes I’d go.
Either way, NTJ.” GIMMExREPS
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister And Her Kids Into The Basement?
“My sister (32) and I (26F) ended up moving back home at the same time in 2020. I’m working from home, and she lost her job. Because she has three kids, she made a big stink to keep the entire second floor to her and her kids.
I got ‘stuck’ with the creepy, musky basement because of her.
Only it turned out to be a dream. I’m very introverted, and nobody wanted to go down to the creepy, unfinished, spider-infested basement. So it worked. I spent every month trying to finish the basement.
I finished the floor with epoxy. Fixed the water heater on my own dime. Got a split unit for heating/cooling. Exterminated. Then I installed some nice track lighting. Got a mini-fridge and a foosball table. Now it’s my own personal clubhouse.
Until recently, when I noticed someone was stealing my energy drinks and messing with my game consoles.
Nobody confessed. So I bought a lock and key for both doors, gave my dad the only spare (it’s his house), and locked up on Thursday, so I could go to an office meeting. That’s when we found out it was my nephew because he left his stuffed toy in there and apparently whined all day until my dad got home and let him in.
Now my sister is raising heck about how I shouldn’t get so much space to myself since I don’t have kids; that I don’t pay enough rent to justify it; that nothing in this arrangement is fair and she is demanding that I leave the space open as a family room.
That was not the arrangement though. The basement is my room, and I’m the one who spent all that time and money fixing it. Nobody wanted to be there until I was finished with it.
Quick Update: So after we all cooled down, I did talk to my father.
He said he has zero interest in letting the kids down there. When my sister tried to protest, he pointed out to her that the place is still not safe for kids. There are still rat traps. Exposed wood. He pointed out that she, herself, kept screaming about there being ‘mold’ (there isn’t).
So he doesn’t want ANY kids down there. And unless she’s willing to pay for an inspector to check (she’s not), she has no say. So that shut her up real quick.
Then she got into it with me for the ‘filthy brat’ comment, and I was about to apologize because I was heated. It was messed up.
Only dad hopped in at that moment and chose to have a serious conversation with her about the youngest not washing his hands. He apparently ruined several leftovers in the fridge last week, and ‘slimed the butter’ (I don’t know. I don’t WANT TO KNOW), which my dad did want to bring up anyway.
Because the kid has a problem, and won’t bathe. But I stepped out at that point because it sounded like he was mad. Very few things make my dad mad than having to throw away perfectly good food. It’s one of his triggers. So. Everything is shaping my way.
For now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad is the best though, your sister however is entitled. It has nothing to do with you ‘having more space’ it’s because you have nice stuff that they want access to and wanted to benefit from work they never did.
She also knows well she won’t replace a thing her kid breaks, so she wants her and her kids to have free rein of your space and to do what they please with your stuff including breaking it – hard no.
Your sister is also a terrible parent if she’s not managing her child’s hygiene, kids don’t just know how to clean themselves they have to be forced and taught.
If she’s not forcing it because the kid has meltdowns that’s a huge problem and not because of the kid but because her child being clean is more important than how she feels. I honestly feel bad for everyone in that house that has to deal with her and her kids (I don’t even want to imagine what your dad meant by slime).
Your arrangement is with your dad so long as he’s good, you’re good. Her opinion means nothing, also stop giving her a reaction when she’s looking for it. People like that just try to bait you because they want to argue they love the sound of their own voice.
Next time she says something along the lines of ‘it’s not fair you have x’ just say ‘well I do’ or ‘I don’t care’ and when she calls you names just say ‘If you say so’ in a monotone voice. As far as the kids I wouldn’t get involved so long as they’re not sneaking into your room and touching your stuff.” AuraRiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The basement – which nobody else wanted – was decided to be yours. That was the agreement, and you seemed fine with it by agreeing that your sister’s family would have the upstairs. Your improvements to the basement (if your father wanted to get the house appraised) may have likely increased the value of the home – which sounds like a decent substitute for rent that was never requested in the first place.
And I emphasize that these were YOUR improvements to the basement – your sister could have assisted to keep some part of the basement a mutual family space, and it sounds like she failed to do so. I do not see any reason for her to now stake a claim on any part of the basement.” artofterm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t lose your clubhouse. LOL. You managed to make it the way it is with your own dime and time, and she has no right to demand taking away your personal space from you. Your dad also shouldn’t have let her kid in.
If you are paying rent, it is YOUR space and only you are the one who allows who can come in and who can’t. Of course your dad can be an exception in case there is an emergency, but besides that, you are paying rent, so that is enough to demand privacy too.
Besides, is she willing to pay for all the stuff her kids could break into your room? Nah, it makes me mad just to think about letting the kids take your bedroom as their game room.” Fun-External-5959
Might be a good time to remind her that she's the one who commandeered the entire second floor and wouldn't share with you, so you're just following her example and doing the same with YOUR basement.
If she wants a share if your basement, you get a share of her second floor. Fair is fair, right? LOLOLOL
16. AITJ For Not Shaving My Legs?
“I (18nb) don’t shave my legs. Not because of the whole ‘screw the patriarchy’ thing, I just have very sensitive skin, and every time I do shave, I end up with painful razor burns and itchy rashes.
I’ve tested different products, and everything just has the same result. So I stopped shaving my legs about 3 years ago. I’ll wax every once in a while if I really want to, but it’s painful and inconvenient. Nair and other hair removal creams also irritate my skin, even if only left on for 60 seconds.
And yes, I’ve seen a doctor about this multiple times. There was nothing beyond abnormally sensitive skin that they could diagnose me with.
So today, my aunt and uncle came over with my two cousins (3&5f). My aunt and uncle both know about my skin issues and that I don’t shave, but today, my aunt decided to confront me about my hairy legs.
She told me I’m a ‘bad influence on the girls’ and that I need to shave anytime I plan to be around my cousins.
Now, I wear pants most of the time, so my legs aren’t even visible. The girls never ask about why I have hair on my legs either.
They don’t really seem to care. I respectfully told her that it’s not my responsibility to ‘set a good example’ for her kids. I also don’t have to shave just so her daughters don’t have to see a female figure with hairy legs.
She told me I was being unreasonable and that it was a ‘simple request.’ I explained that it’s not a ‘simple request’ if it causes me physical pain that lasts for about a week or two.
Now I’m being called a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So much NTJ. Your body is your body. I’m honestly a bit concerned you felt the need to include the first two paragraphs and mention that you wear pants most of the time because a good general rule for EVERYONE is don’t comment on other people’s bodies.
EVER. Not pregnant people, not people who’ve lost weight, etc. it’s just not okay. Period. You can wear whatever you want and not shave because you get to make the choices you want about your body. Also, this is just super toxic misogyny and that’s so frustrating.” m_cabss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if your skin wasn’t sensitive you’d be fully in the right to never shave your legs if that’s what you wanted, and show those legs by wearing skirts or shorts.
Shaving legs is a cosmetic decision (like painting nails or wearing makeup) and not a testament to cleanliness or hygiene.
The only reason women (I know you’re not a woman!) shave their legs is that razor manufacturers realized they were missing out on a lot of consumers by not marketing razors to women.” annamariapix
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ in this situation. Your aunt is being unreasonable by asking you to shave your legs just so her young daughters won’t see a woman with hairy legs.
It’s not your responsibility to set an example for her kids, especially when it causes you physical discomfort.
Body hair is NATURAL and NORMAL. It’s a personal choice whether or not to remove it, and it shouldn’t be something that’s forced upon someone. Your aunt should understand and respect your decision to not shave your legs, especially since you’ve explained your reasons and have a medical condition that makes shaving difficult.
It’s unfortunate that your aunt is making you feel bad for something that’s out of your control. You’re not doing anything wrong by keeping your body hair, and you shouldn’t have to change yourself to please others. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and comfort over other people’s opinions.” Royal_Marketing_6911
15. AITJ For Asking My Daughter Which College She Decided To Go To?
“So today, I (55M) am returning with my daughter (17F) from a final college visit. We flew. Yesterday, after the visit, we were having lunch and she said she’d made up her mind. I asked which school. She said she was going to have fun with this and not tell us.
I texted my wife and said she had a decision but she wasn’t telling us. My wife’s comment was we’ve spent a great deal of money on trips, airline fares, hotels, meals, etc. for all of this.
We visited multiple schools last spring and after she was accepted at five, she narrowed them down to three, which we’ve now visited. Today at the airport during the layover she said she thinks it’s fun she got on our nerves about this and doesn’t plan on telling us until maybe the end of the week.
I explain that I don’t think that was going to fly as I’m trying to plan where I’m moving funds around for the down payment, etc. We are paying for her undergrad and maybe some grad school if not all of it.
She says now I’m just guilting her and she doesn’t appreciate it. I’ve explained I need to plan and that the longer she waits, the housing queue becomes an issue.
Technically she has until May 1st, but the majority of students get in the queue as soon as possible to be considered for the best housing.
I get no response and now I’m getting the silent treatment.
AITJ for asking for this decision? I didn’t threaten anything but I don’t think she understands the ramifications of this decision. I just don’t understand why I’m the bad guy all of a sudden.”
Another User Comments:
“If she’s waiting til the end of the week perhaps she’s planning a big announcement type thing with some kind of celebration for you and your wife ‘yay I’m going to x school, here’s a cake!’ Or something.
I don’t know if that’s normal/a thing but events/celebrations to announce big decisions are. Maybe there’ll be college-colored hats?
Assuming the worst about her motivations seems harsh.
Yes, she doesn’t understand the intricacies of finance, she’s 17. You can explain them to her because you’re her parent.
But this whole choosing a college thing has clearly been a big undertaking and maybe there’s more to her holding back her decision than you can immediately see. Saying ‘it’ll be fun’ to me implies a plan.
No jerks here.
Just give it a week.
If she’s not in the best dorm, she’ll still be in one and still have a great time. Whatever finances need moving can be done next Monday as easily as this. And if she is planning a thank you/big reveal you didn’t spoil it for her and know what a thoughtful daughter you raised cos she saw how much effort you and your wife put in and wanted to reciprocate/acknowledge it.
She’s 17. The mechanics of adulthood are confusing and can be learned, showing gratitude and sharing celebrations are priceless.” rhianonbrooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is seriously pathetic behavior like you’d expect from a 3-year-old. She’s not ‘having fun’, she’s wasting your time.
Sounds like she needs a reality check.
Tell her if she wants to be so independent and uncooperative, she can take out a loan, get a part-time job and finance college herself. Or if she can’t pull together enough money for that, she’ll just have to go to work and skip college altogether.
Then present her with a (symbolic) bill for all the money you’ve spent on these trips. That should knock some sense into her. Why should you bend over backward to help her if she can’t even treat you with respect?” Spirallama
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
As someone who loves surprises and is married to someone who loathes them, I can see both sides. Since she gave you a timeline of when she plans to tell you, that tells me she may be planning a reveal, which makes sense as she is probably very excited and proud of herself.
She is probably hoping you as parents will be equally excited and proud of her and want to celebrate this huge milestone instead of having a casual conversation about it. I say let her have fun with it, be patient for the few days until she tells you, and let your daughter know how proud you all are.
Getting into 5 colleges is huge, and she deserves to be celebrated!” herbidyderbidydoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if your daughter ‘said she thinks it’s fun she got on our nerves,’ she can deal with all consequences of what doesn’t get planned early.
She should be making her own housing and other college plans anyway (getting approval from you for the money, if you’re paying).
She’s going to college and needs to take responsibility.
So, back way off, but tell her you won’t bail her out of consequences if she doesn’t give you billing information or doesn’t sign up for her housing, etc., in a timely way. From her attitude, it seems maybe you’ve never let her suffer any consequences.
That said, it is still early, and just because she says she’s decided doesn’t mean she actually has. There’s still time, without the delay likely to cause any serious problems. Tell her firmly that you need to know to do anything with finances, etc… then just leave it to her.” Tangerine_Bouquet
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Room With My Stepsister?
“I’m (15f) on a travel team for soccer. Usually, when I have a game I go with my dad but this one is during spring break so my dad, stepmom, brother (13), and stepsister (9) are here and we came 2 days early and are staying 3 days late.
I like my stepsister but she’s high-maintenance. She has nightmares and wakes up screaming, my stepmom has to spend an hour every night putting her to bed, she has accidents at night, and she acts like she’s 5 or 6, not 9.
We rented a 3 bedroom house for this trip so my dad and stepmom get a room, my brother gets a room, and I’m supposed to be sharing with my stepsister.
On top of her being normally high maintenance, she also has bronchitis and wakes up coughing in the middle of the night.
The first night she ended up sleeping in my dad’s and stepmom’s bed and I really liked having the room to myself. Then the second night they put her to bed in my room.
I hated having my stepmom here for so long and having to be quiet after 7 (her bedtime is 8 but at 7 they start bedtime stories and my stepmom lays down with her and rubs her back and they want me to be quiet so she could calm down and go to sleep).
I was FaceTiming my friend and ended up waking her up so I told her to go to her mom then I put all of her stuff outside and locked the door. My stepmom took her to sleep with them and then came to yell at me the next morning because I didn’t want to babysit her kid all night.
She was going to take me and my stepsister out to eat and shop after my game but she ended up skipping my game to take her instead.
She ended up buying a tent and an air mattress for my stepsister and she’s sleeping in their room but my stepmom is still mad at me and my dad thinks I was rude and could’ve sucked it up for a few days.
AITJ for not sharing a room with my stepsister?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I was with you until: ‘I was FaceTiming my friend and ended up waking her up so I told her to go to her mom then I put all of her stuff outside and locked the door.
My stepmom took her to sleep with them and then came to yell at me the next morning because I didn’t want to babysit her kid all night.’
You’re the one who woke her up. She didn’t scream and wake you, she didn’t bother you, you’re the one who was loud while she was sleeping.
Being quiet while others sleep is a normal thing to put up with when you’re sharing a room with anyone. Also putting all her stuff outside and locking the room is super rude.
When your stepsister had trouble sleeping the night before her mom kept her in her bed so clearly no one, at any point, made you ‘babysit the kid all night’.
You just think you’re entitled to a single room. You sound spoiled.” Ok-Jellyfish9225
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m sorry, but sharing a room is just a thing that has to happen sometimes.
I’d have some sympathy if you said you’d lost sleep, but no. The problem is you were staying up late playing and SHE lost sleep.
Being 15 is hard, but you are not being a decent human when you kick someone out and move their belongings out in the middle of the night. You wouldn’t want someone else touching your stuff.
You have an annoying little sister. She has an abundance of medical problems and an older sister being mean to her.” Sweet_Cinnabonn
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know. They didn’t ask you to play babysitter. Just share a room. They were the ones tending to her needs.
Also, you were the one that woke her up and then kicked her out of the room by locking the door.
That definitely makes you a jerk.
Also, your view of her being ‘high maintenance’ is NOT what that actually is. It seems like she has certain needs that need to be met, which sounds like her mom is accommodating to her.
YTJ for just being rude to your stepsister when it doesn’t seem deserving.
You are NTJ for wanting your own space. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. Sometimes due to cost or other issues.
Sleep on the couch if you don’t want to share a room.” pap_shmear
13. AITJ For Leaving The Hotel And Not Telling My Friends That I Left?
“My friend Cee (25F) and I (25F) went to Manhattan for St. Patty’s Day weekend to visit her friend Tu (27F). We had a fun Friday night and Saturday but Saturday night was just difficult with the weather and Ubers and heels.
As we’re leaving the 3rd spot, Cee finds a man standing by a store and starts making out with him in the corner. She’s my friend and this is nothing new so I go talk to his friend to keep him busy for maybe ten minutes before he abruptly walks away.
Okay, cool, New York dudes. He comes back later while I’m with Tu and I tell him politely to leave me alone I’m not interested. He tried joking it off but quickly sees I’m serious and moves, I appreciated it.
When he turned to leave he made his friend (who was with Cee) come with him so Cee met back up with us.
I told her I wasn’t feeling his friend. She told us she was going to bring her guy over that night but stay in the bathroom since all three of us were sharing a king. Again, no problem.
We get back to the room around 5 am and she calls him.
Ten minutes later she says okay I’m gonna go and meets her friend in the lobby. When she comes back up, she turns the corner of the room and looks at me with a ‘don’t be mad’ face and I’m confused. She lets two dudes walk into the space and it’s her friend and his from earlier that I didn’t like.
I made it clear to all parties earlier that I don’t like that guy. He spends the next hour invading my personal space and not taking no for an answer, almost chasing me around my 8×8 hotel room while Tu was asleep and Cee was busy with her man.
I decided I had enough and went to sit in the lobby.
It’s a little after 6 and I’m dozing off on the lobby couches now. I figured Cee would tell them to leave when she was done and I would go back up then.
I left my phone in the room so I couldn’t talk to her.
I woke up around 7:15 and went back up to the room where the dude I ran from is sitting outside our door, saying he was sorry. I go into the room and see Cee and her friend sprawled out on the bed and Tu on the edge, snoring.
I decided then that I’m packing my bag and looking for another room to sleep in before taking the bus home. The guy was trying to convince me not to go so I told him don’t let them worry, when everyone woke up tell them I went home early because I don’t have a place to sleep.
So I left. They started calling around 8 am and I ignored their calls. I had already been up all night and was on my way to the bus terminal in an Uber, it was an inappropriate time and I was upset, I wanted to calm down.
They called 30 times but I ignored them until the NYPD calls me.
I explained the situation and told them I told someone in the room where I was, they were being dramatic and everything was closed. I came home and tried to text her and see that I’m blocked on every platform.
I thought she would have calmed down by now but she still hasn’t. Part of me thinks she’s embarrassed but another part wonders if I was the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Sis, you need to raise your standards concerning your friends. They are HORRIBLE.
If your friend Cee wants to hook up with a rando on the street, which personally I think is incredibly unsafe on EVERY level, that is her business. But for her to bring him and his friend back to the room is incredibly unsafe for you and Tu.
That is incredibly selfish on her part.
Don’t do any more travel with these people. It’s not worth it.
You are NEVER a jerk to remove yourself from a situation you do not feel safe in. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are.
You did the right thing leaving and you did the right thing getting your own hotel room.” sometimesblessed
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to be honest. Everyone in this story is a few years too old to be making such trashy decisions. Everyone sucks here, because at the end of the day, who you’re friends with also reflects on you, and it’s pretty abysmal that even after all this, YOU weren’t the one to pull the plug here on the friendship, she was.
Having fun and partying is great and all, but it’s practically asking for some dark to befall one of you by inviting multiple complete strangers into your hotel room in the middle of the night from the sidewalk in Manhattan during a huge holiday.
If this is commonplace for you or your friends, and based on your tone, it appears to be, you need to really self-reflect and see if this is where you think you should be at 25 years old.” MagicCarpet5846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had nowhere to sleep because your ‘friends’ C and T gave your spot to somebody else they liked better.
They knew exactly what they were doing when they let him in. You made it clear you did not want to sleep with him. They saw his boundary-pushing behavior and approved of it. At your expense.
The only thing I think could have been inappropriate on your part would be if you stuck them with your share of the hotel room for the first two nights when you did have use of the bed, however, given that they tried to force you to share a bed with someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer I’d say they got the predictable results of intentionally driving you out of the room before the bill was paid.
If they are throwing a tantrum on social media, post your side of the story.” FeedbackCreative8334
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your friends are horrible. They put you in a very dangerous situation.
You told the random stranger you had just refused to sleep with to tell your friends you were safe and had left, and then refused to answer all of their calls and messages because you assumed the guy delivered your message.
Your friends told the police you were missing because you couldn’t take five seconds to answer your phone and say ‘I’m going home because I’m mad at you.’
You were not the jerk for leaving but you intentionally terrified your friends by ignoring the 30 attempts they made to contact you.” sparrowhawk75
You all need to grow up.
12. AITJ For Not Liking My Partner's Family's Tradition?
“My partner Eric (29M, fake name) and I (27F) have been together for three years. For context, I have met his family and they are friendly. We don’t meet them very often because they live in my partner’s home country. I don’t want to reveal country names either for privacy reasons but my partner and I are of different nationalities and we both work in my country.
The conflict happened during our last visit last weekend. We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings. While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it’s a big step in our relationship for us (we are not engaged yet.) His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked ‘So is she going to take the test?’
I asked, ‘What test?’
In summary, my partner’s family has this tradition where the future MIL tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons. Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically life skills most people learn from childhood.
I found it ridiculous because 1. If I’m good enough for my partner, he should be the one deciding it. And 2. I don’t fit in their targeted category. In his mom’s words, you can’t be a good stay-at-home wife and stay-at-home mom if you can’t be a good homemaker and she wants to make sure of that.
To be clear, his mom and all three of his brothers’ wives are stay-at-home moms and although I respect their choice, I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my partner think I could compromise on that. I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself.
I told my partner’s mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and the extension of our visit.
My partner doesn’t care whether I’m a working wife or a stay-at-home wife but he thinks I should have just done the test because ‘it’s just a test’ and it’s not like they would reject me if I failed it.
He thinks it’s a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and I should have gone along with it anyways.
My partner thinks I’m the jerk and suggested I make this post. If I really am the jerk, I’m sure you guys will let me know.
So am I?
Just for context, it’s a family tradition, not a national culture.”
Another User Comments:
“‘He thinks it’s a fun tradition’
He thinks it a fun tradition for women marrying into the family to be judged on their ‘skills’ in traditional, old-fashioned gender-conforming roles.
Fine. let HIM take a test. He can rotate the tires, change the oil and maybe rework the transmission on a car. Install a new muffler while he’s at it. then he can perform a series of tests on lifting heavy objects. How are his plumbing skills?
He’s gonna need to know how to fix a leaky faucet. Your father and brothers and male friends can judge him on his manliness and decide if he is prepared to be a ‘proper’ husband. He might also need to prove he makes enough to support you when you have to stay home and perform all those ‘wifely’ duties.
What an obnoxious family.
NTJ.” miss_trixie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner’s family is ridiculous, but your partner is insensitive and ignorant in this. Why would he want his family to judge and criticize you for something you don’t want to do? Doesn’t he understand how stressful and hurtful it would be?
And ‘It’s not like they would reject me if I failed.’
Yes, they probably would. Not by forbidding your marriage but by ruining your life later and making you feel like an ‘unworthy’ wife and mother. Maybe ‘correcting’ your behavior too.
As I see it, there is no win here.
You can accept, have a horrible experience, get tired, nervous, and upset, and ultimately not live up to their expectations and fail – and they’ll be mad. Or you can refuse and they’ll be mad. The end is the same, but the second option is much better for your mental health.
Also for the future of your relationship, because you’ll set boundaries right away.” Garamon7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn‘t just some ‘fun test’. This shows you everything about their views that you need to know.
Just a gentle warning. My ex-husband came from a traditional family like that.
We talked about me not quitting my job and him helping with kids, chores, etc. and before we got married, he always assured me that he doesn‘t want a relationship/family life like everyone in his family has, that he wants to be more modern.
Welp, it was all nonsense. After the wedding he wanted me to be a stay-at-home wife, keep the house tidy and spend all day cooking meals for him. He just grew up with this kind of life being normal, and ultimately, it was what he wanted, too.
We got a divorce over this. Take care.” HighOnCoffee19
Even better, ditch him and enjoy the fact that you dodged the equivalent of an intercontinental ballistic missile of a bullet.
Good luck.
11. WIBTJ If I Ask My Sister To Not Bring Her Doll?
“I (37f) have a sister (34f) who has had a lot of grief recently. A year ago she lost a baby to trisomy 18. This was hard on her and her husband and they ended up divorcing and she has had a very hard time coping since.
To cope with the loss she purchased a reborn doll – one of the super realistic baby dolls meant for people who lost/can’t have children to dress up and care for. I think it’s very creepy and maybe not the best coping mechanism but she’s in generally better spirits since she bought it so perhaps I should shut up.
The problem is that she insists that the doll is real and that’s where I come from when I say it’s not a healthy coping mechanism. She’s brought it to family gatherings and will change it, pretending to feed it with a bottle full of water.
She even drives it around in the car seat bought for her deceased child. I’ve asked her to do things with me but there have been at least two occasions where she’s declined because her doll was ‘sick.’ I have not said anything as this is a very sensitive topic but other relatives have expressed similar sentiments to what I’m writing here.
I have been tasked with hosting easter this year. I want my sister to be present as I love her very much but I want her present without the doll – so maybe she will focus on the family that is here and loves her instead of the doll.
The thing is that it IS a coping mechanism for two horribly tragic events in her life that happened very recently. Even if it is a bit strange I wonder if I have any real ground to stand on to ask her to not bring it outside of the standard ‘my house my rules’ argument.
Would I be crossing the line or is this totally fine? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your sister is traumatized, the doll is a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy and ultimately unhelpful one. Your sister isn’t a jerk for using a psychological crutch; it may be the only thing keeping her going right now.
You aren’t a jerk for not wanting to have to humor that crutch, especially when it’s interfering with your sister’s ability to interact with people, as well as confront & process her own grief.
Your sister desperately needs therapy (which I’m certain you already know).
The doll is stunting her grieving process; as long as she treats the doll as a real baby, she doesn’t have to figure out how to live life now that it has a massive hole in it. This dependence will get more entrenched the longer it goes on, and complicated grief will put more strain on her the longer it goes untreated (speaking from experience here, nearly killed me.
LOL).
I’d let her bring the doll, and I wouldn’t make mention of it during the get-together. But I’d also talk with other family members pretty soon about trying to nudge her towards getting into therapy, which I assume she isn’t in yet.
Grief looks different for everyone, and it isn’t a steady, predictable process.
But this type of grief transference gets more unhealthy the longer it goes on. There’s no ‘recovery’ from losing a child; she will always be grieving that loss. But the doll is a blockade, and it will keep her mentally and emotionally stationary in that place and unable to move forward for as long as she keeps treating it like a real infant.
No jerks here; just the fallout of a terrible situation. Encourage her to research therapists near her–or grief groups. Do some research of your own to help her out if she’s resistant to the idea. If you’re in a city, most in North America will have resources for grieving parents; hospitals, therapy offices, etc, should all have info for you.” SoleofOrion
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You are in a very difficult situation here. As you said, your sister has gone through two massive upheavals in her life at around the same time. Just one of those would devastate even the strongest of people, so two at once have broken her in ways that most of us can’t comprehend.
To the majority of rational people, these re-born dolls are creepy. Sadly, at the moment, your sister is far from rational. I would lay odds that she is feeling an immense amount of guilt. Sadly, guilt is a familiar emotion for people to feel when they lose a child.
Add on to this that she will, I believe, think that it’s her fault her husband left… I’m not surprised that she is acting irrationally. This doll has become her coping mechanism, her crutch. Is that healthy? Yes and no. Yes, because she needs something to focus on, something to care for in place of the baby and husband she lost. At the moment, this doll is providing her with comfort that nothing else (in her mind) can bring.
Having said that, the notion that she believes the doll is real is worrying. If something were to happen to the doll, it was taken away, it broke, it got lost, etc, the likelihood is that this would be yet another emotional crisis that her poor brain couldn’t handle.
If I were in your shoes I would keep quiet about the negative side of the doll. At the moment she needs it. Her brain is healing and eventually, I hope, for her sake, that she will be able to let go of her crutch.
We know that therapy will help but she is going through so much that the stress of therapy (and it is stressful) may be too much. Be gentle with her, and make sure that other family members know not to be confrontational with her or mock her.
I would suggest a family meeting with everyone except your sister to make sure you’re all on the same page. She needs gentle support, love, and, in time and with healing, encouragement to talk to a professional about her losses. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just a doll, but to her, right now, it’s everything.
Good luck.” Ok_Shopping_3341
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. OP I get your concern and I feel for both of you. But your sister is in an extremely difficult moment in her life she lost a baby and her husband left her. While I understand that the doll is not a perfect coping mechanism, banning the doll won’t help your sister and might even push her away to the deep end.
My suggestion is if you care about her try looking for grief counselors or therapists who specialize in child loss or something similar and tell her that you love her, and care about her and when she is ready you can give her the contact of the counselors.
Let your sister live the life she could’ve had for now, don’t be a jerk, especially on Easter.
I hope your sister feels better soon.” DollxEyes
Another User Comments:
“Technically, YWNBTJ for asking her not to bring the doll, but only technically. It’s your home, and as the host, you have the right to ask.
But it’s a bad idea. I’d wager that it’s more likely that your sister wouldn’t come to Easter at all rather than leave the doll at home.
If you want to get your sister to focus more on the family, you’d do better to have a babysitter for the doll (yes, someone to watch the doll for her), though depending on where she is, she may not be okay with that (or may only be OK with it for a few hours).
While I get it makes you uncomfortable, it sounds like a much more healthy coping mechanism than risk-seeking illegal substances, drinking, and myriad other methods that people who are grieving great personal loss might turn to. Have you spoken to a professional (psychologist, therapist, grief counselor, etc.) about how best to approach the situation?’ toxicredox
10. AITJ For Screaming At My Mom After She Told Me To Not Eat Pizza?
“Last spring my (16F) aunt passed away due to many factors, one of the main factors being that she was dangerously overweight.
Ever since, my mother (47F) has been paranoid about what I eat, she’s forbidden me from getting fast food, and she’s even had my card blocked from being used at any food outlets. Meals at home mainly consist of plants.
I was very close with my aunt, much more than anyone else in my family was, and I fear that’s why my mother’s being so obsessive over eating habits.
Now, I understand the reason behind my mother’s worry and really I wouldn’t have much of a problem with it if she was enforcing it on everyone in the house.
My two elder siblings (21F and 17M) have not been, for some reason, subject to my mother’s worries.
They’re free to eat out whenever they choose and are never constantly asked to eat their vegetables.
My father’s been quiet on the topic and whenever I ask (practically beg) him to say something to my mother about her behavior he just tells me that I’m disrespecting her and taking how much she cares for me for granted.
Just a whole load of crap if I’m being honest but my father has threatened to stop paying for my tennis courts if this continues so I’ve just complied.
Anyway, yesterday night at around 8 pm my sister came back from a date with pizza, something which I’ve longed the taste of, my mother was making a smoothie in the kitchen so she didn’t hear my sister come in over the blender I guess.
Went to the bathroom to wash my hands before eating the pizza and when I came down my mother was there telling me not to even think about touching the pizza, this maddened me – my brother was literally on his second slice and had not been told anything.
I guess my anger kind of slipped out after being bottled for so long so I told my mother to ‘leave me alone’ and that I was sick and tired of her constant complaining about what I should eat and that maybe she should try some of her own advice and try to eat some vegetables.
(I don’t think I’ve mentioned this but my mother’s cooking really sucks.)
My mother immediately broke down and said that she was trying her best despite how troublesome I was and that all she did was try to stop me from repeating my aunt’s mistake.
My father finally spoke up and said that my behavior and language were unacceptable and just sent me up to my room (and grounded me for three weeks).
Now I do feel bad for what I said to my mother but I don’t think I regret it.
However, I can understand where she is coming from.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Worrying about your diet being at least moderately healthy is a normal part of parenting. What is NOT normal is obsessively micromanaging your diet to the point of controlling multiple aspects of your life, as well as how you are the ONLY one she does this to.
She’s lucky you haven’t developed an eating disorder by targeting your diet while letting the rest of the family do what they want. Her intentions might be good, but her behavior is harmful.” SolitaryTeaParty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is not a natural or healthy response to death to force extreme restrictions on your children, EVEN LESS SO on only one child while the rest just do whatever.
Your aunt was an adult who made her choices, and weight =/= health.
You don’t even have to be healthy to deserve to be treated like you’re a human being. Your mom needs to manage herself if she’s so worried.” Individual_Soft_9373
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
Your mother’s behavior is extremely patronizing and disproportionate, and grossly unequal treatment at that. Not that it’s appropriate to treat your siblings this crappy too. Especially regulating young women in their eating habits can have serious consequences in terms of physical and mental well-being.
Your father is at least as bad, instead of talking to his wife, who at least has a reason for her behavior, and representing your position or at least communicating it, he also supports her behavior towards you.
Your choice of words was not nice, but absolutely not enough for an ‘everyone sucks here’. Think it’s absurd what demands are sometimes made here on the choice of words of people who stand up for themselves after a long time of bad treatment. Pure tone policing.” Atheist_Flanders
9. AITJ For Saying My Kids Can Move Countries To Live With Me?
“I (38M) am divorced from my ex (41F) and we have two kids together (14M and 12F). We live in Germany.
We really tried to work together for the kids’ sake, which has been really hard at times.
We also agreed to always respect the children’s wishes and not bad mouth the other parent to them. We tried different things after the divorce concerning custody, but they weren’t really feasible; so we have now arrived at the more traditional model of them living with their mom (their wish) and me seeing them every other weekend.
My wife met a new guy and moved in with him a while ago.
In addition, my social life here has kind of dissolved and I have become a bit disillusioned with my home country.
I recently got offered an amazing job opportunity in Norway and for the reasons above, I wanted to accept.
The only thing keeping me here is my children, so I came up with a plan and if my children were going to be okay with it, I would move. I talked to my ex-wife for her approval.
My plan was to fly back once a month to Germany to see my children.
They would also have the chance to visit me in Norway during their school holidays if they wanted to. My ex approved, I talked to my kids about it, and they asked me to think about it.
Two weeks later, they really shocked me. They said they were okay with my plan, but asked me to consider letting them move to Norway with me.
I asked them for their reasons, and they told me. I explained to them, that this was a huge life decision to make at their age and not one easily reversible. I asked them to think about it again, while I did some research if it was possible concerning schools, but if they wanted to, I would be very happy to move to Norway with them.
I also promised them to talk to her mom about it.
I did my research, and it would be totally possible for them to come with me, school-wise. My brother already lives in Norway, he married a Norwegian, and they have two children (15M, 11F).
My children have already been there on visits, and they really like their aunt, uncle, and cousins, so we would have family there.
I did already live in Norway for a year during my time at uni, so I know the country and the language.
So in my head, it all came together quite nicely.
Well, my ex is furious, she thinks I’m a jerk for not refusing them outright. She hasn’t told the kids, she won’t allow it but wants me to rescind the offer instead. She can prevent them from leaving with me legally, but I think she knows that would destroy her relationship with the kids.
I have talked to some people about this and most didn’t think I was 100% in the wrong, but my mother said it was horrible, and that I wanted to take the kids away from their mother, which made me unsure.
So AITJ for saying my children can come with me and not taking back the offer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The bottom line is, the children want to move to Norway with you. It’s as simple as that. You did your research, saw that it would be good for them, consulted your kids, and everyone is happy.
Except for their mother.
Her desire to keep her kids around is selfish, assuming she is aware that her kids want to leave. Not only is she refusing to let them leave, but she’s also trying to get you to do her dirty work for her.
I can understand her shock and disappointment but she has to accept what her children want.
Unfortunately, this could get ugly, but you have done nothing wrong. You’re acting in the best interests of your children which is the number one priority for a parent.
You are not ‘taking the kids away’. They want to leave.” MasterKilvin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t rescind the offer to your kids.
They have to know you want them and that they have a home with you or that’ll destroy your relationship with them. Your ex is being selfish. Fathers are as important as mothers, don’t listen to your mother she is full of sexist nonsense saying that you are ‘taking the kids from their mother’.
You aren’t. Your ex needs to own it and tell her kids that she’s being selfish and not letting your kids move in with you. She’s the one who’s stopping them and they need to know. And if I were you, I would fight legally to take the kids with me.
This is from someone who grew up with divorced parents and my mother never accepted that I wanted to live with my dad.” Kooky-Today-3172
Another User Comments:
“I think you have done a pretty good job handling the situation. These are teenage children who can help make decisions about where they want to live when their parents are divorced. You asked them to reconsider their request while you researched the schools and then you approached the ex.
If she wants to refuse then she gets to tell the kids and be the bad guy. She’s trying to shift the blame to you and I would not let her do that.
Your mom calling you a jerk just sounds like she is stuck in the past where kids ‘are always better with their mother’ and that is not something you should even pay attention to.
You and your ex need to work this out, especially if the kids are not happy living with the ex and her new partner. It sounds like you all need to sit down together and have an open discussion about what’s best for these teenagers.
NTJ.” Oldgal_misspt
8. AITJ For Not Contributing To My Friend's Birthday Gift?
“I’m in a group of 9 friends who hang out infrequently, maybe once a fortnight max, but usually only once a month. One of the guys in the group, Alex, just turned 22 and my friend Bo suggested buying him airfare to Thailand for his birthday, as he used to work there and has spoken about going back on occasion.
While I acknowledge that this is a nice idea, flights to Thailand from where we live cost nearly $600, and it would be a maximum of 8 people contributing if nobody flaked.
Here’s where I feel like I might be selfish: my friends have never bought me a birthday present, even when given advance notice of my upcoming birthday, so I do not feel particularly compelled to shell out at least $75 (probably more given that 2 of my friends are musicians and I am the only one with a full-time job) when Alex and I are not super close friends.
I acknowledge that this is petty but I really feel quite hurt that my friends believe they have the capacity to be so generous and that I have never even received as much as a card.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can decline if asked. It’s Bo’s idea, let him gift the ticket.
It’s really a pricy gift. You can always say it would get expensive if you guys got that started to do it for everyone, so it’s probably not a good idea. If they get mad because you won’t spend your money like they want you to, you need better friends anyway.
Good luck!” Anonnymusse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not petty. Simply tell Bo that it’s not in your budget, and then if you are able AND want to, you can say you’ll contribute X amount towards something else. If you don’t want to contribute anything, say you’re saving up for something big so your budget won’t allow you to get a gift but that you’re available to go out for a meal together with the group or something similar.” dalpaengee
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner She's Insecure For Overreacting Over A Game?
“My (20M) partner (20F) and I played a game of truth or dare last night with our friends.
At one point I chose truth and was asked to name who’s the hottest person in my opinion and I chose to say Shawn Mendes. Everyone laughed it off, but my partner started acting standoffish. After the game ended, she confronted me about this and told me that I humiliated her in front of all of our friends for choosing my celebrity crush over her as the person I find the most attractive.
I told her that she was overreacting over a silly game and that she probably would’ve chosen a celebrity too if she was asked the question, but she told me that she would’ve obviously chosen me and she’s really hurt that I didn’t even hesitate in choosing someone else.
She also said that I made it worse by choosing a man cause now she can’t ‘compete’ with him. I told her that she was acting really insecure and even a bit biphobic and that ain’t gonna make her the most attractive person. She said that I’m a jerk and then left for her home and now she isn’t responding to my calls.
AITJ? Was she right or is she indeed overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds really immature and insecure. I would have laughed and probably made further jokes if my husband said that during a game.
Having said that, your response could have been better.
Next time just say ‘babe, I was trying to be funny and have a good time. You’re the one I go home with every night. You’re the one I find the hottest and the one I want to be with. You are more to me than just your beauty/good looks so don’t compare yourself, please.
There is no comparison. I love how you XYZ/I love your XYZ (laugh, intelligence, thoughtfulness, ability to solve problems, etc – just name some qualities you like about her that aren’t focused on looks.)'” User
Another User Comments:
“Eh, she might have reacted strongly… but I think you handled this wrong.
I don’t think there’s a problem with your response to the truth-or-dare question, but you and she clearly have different perspectives on what to expect of each other in the relationship. Then when she told you her feelings got hurt over your response, you invalidated her feelings and told her she was overreacting.
Now, should she have blown up at you over this? Probably not.
Mild ‘everyone sucks here’. You both could have communicated better. Also, just a general note, telling anyone they’re overreacting when they’re trying to tell you they’re hurt isn’t gonna go over well.” Duckieshoes101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I was thinking you were gonna spit the name of someone on that table actually. You said a celebrity, an unachievable person, to say the least, she should’ve taken it as a joke. She sounds very immature. But let me tell you something, as a couple you have absolutely nothing to gain other than stress and drama by playing a game like truth or dare.
All the questions coming your guys’ way will put you in delicate situations. Just don’t do it.” Celathan7
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She overreacted, but you didn’t handle her insecurities well as her partner. ‘I’m sorry you felt that way, but I wasn’t answering this as a serious question so I gave a silly answer, and it’s never a competition with someone as great as you.’ You also missed a great opportunity to turn this entirely in your favor: ‘Well I could have said you, but it’s already obvious I’m head over heels for you!
It was a given, so I went with the runner-up.'” Grand_Pick_8277
6. AITJ For Fighting For My Share Of The Inheritance?
“My (29 m) family grew up poor. My dad worked several jobs and so did our adoptive mom. My adoptive mom (stepmom who adopted us) came from even less.
Her dad (our grandfather) died by prison guards and it was tragic. My family sued and won an incredibly large settlement.
My mom and dad have regularly asked what they should do with the money. I told my mom she should travel the world, retire, and do the things she has always wanted to do.
My dad wants to also buy a house in the countryside where they can quietly retire. And I believe whatever is left should be split down the middle between my sister and me.
I’m not wealthy myself but my partner and I get by.
My partner is disabled and we would benefit from the inheritance in terms of affording things like IVF, and a baby and making that dream come true. Otherwise, it doesn’t seem like we really could afford a child like we would want to.
My sister disagrees.
She believes that since she has kids, and I don’t, it should go to her kids. My problem with this is that my sister has struggled throughout her life with addictions. My parents and I both have bailed her out financially so many times.
I’ve stepped in and raised my nieces and nephews at moments and have had to pay for school supplies, piano lessons, etc. (She has four kids and another on the way). And I honestly feel that if I didn’t have to step in and parent her kids at an early age myself, I might be able to better afford my own child.
Things were civil about these discussions until my sister and her husband kept harassing me and my fiancée. Saying that we are selfish. That we are taking their money. And that the inheritance is meant for the kids. My sister even sometimes tells me that my dad plans on just giving all of it to the grandkids.
I brought this up with my parents and they said this wasn’t true. That the plan is actually to give my sister’s share to her kids and my share to me. I haven’t told my sister that I know this.
My sister has started telling people in their town that I’m greedy, I hate my family, and that my partner and I don’t need the money since we don’t have kids.
She’s even started shaming my partner and the temporary work she has found over the years as a disabled person. And went so far as to say I should’ve considered finances when I chose to get engaged to a disabled woman and implied my fiancée is lazy.
My sister feels as if I shouldn’t take half because that leaves smaller shares for her children.
AITJ for standing my ground and asking for my share of the inheritance?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ
Your sister is a greedy and bitter person who is apparently bad with money, too… and should be happy you two each get a share, not try to harass you and your parents into getting even more.
Stand your ground and fulfill your dreams. Her having kids (and a lot of them, too) when she’s not able to provide for them without your help and then thinking that entitles her to get even MORE help without having to work for it… sorry, she’s the only jerk in all of this.
Also, I’m genuinely happy you support your parents in fulfilling their dreams instead of being jealous and hoping for a bigger share – you’re a good person. I really hope they won’t give in to her outrageous demands. Be open with them, tell them what she’s doing and saying… and all the best to you and your partner in the future!” Vevaris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. I really love your parent’s decision to give her share straight to the grandchildren and your share to you. I know being an addict is a lifelong issue and she may be currently clean, but this manic behavior over money that isn’t even hers yet is super sus.
In what world would she get the entire inheritance and you get nothing simply because you don’t have kids? Why isn’t what she (thought) she was getting enough? When your parents could opt to give her and her kids $0. She’s acting like a fiend going around town foaming at the mouth about someone else’s pocketbook.
And what type of monster mocks someone’s ability to work? Or their disability status? As if capitalism decides your worth. And if it did how does she not see the self-clown she’s doing? She’s begging for funds while simultaneously calling your wife lazy and broke.” WestcoastX2023
Another User Comments:
“No, definitely NTJ. It does depend on where you are but in general in the absence of a Will, following the death of the surviving spouse the inheritance would most likely be split equally between the surviving children. Your sister having children of her own is only relevant when dividing her own estate, and has no bearing on this at all.
Since your parents have stated their desire to leave your sister’s half to her kids, they need to talk to a proper inheritance tax advisor for help with the will and setting up any trusts necessary.
I really recommend that everything be put in place well in advance of your parents’ deaths as your sister sounds like a harpy and she will 100% make your life even more miserable when the time comes.
I am sorry that you have to experience this, unfortunately, some people just can’t handle greed and it ruins both them and their relationships with everyone around them.” EmptyVisage
5. AITJ For Telling Someone He's Not Invited To My Birthday Party?
“I (M19) am the biggest extrovert of my friend group and because of this I have a larger wider friend group than most of the other ones, this friend, in particular, is the biggest introvert I know, well call him X (M19). Next week, I’m having a party and inviting all my wider friend group and if I get along with their main group they’re welcome as well because it’s a BYOB type of event mostly with me and my closest few friends covering food and some drinks.
X has been pretty rude to my friends, excludes them from anything he can, and is condescending towards them for their interests if they aren’t absolutely obsessed with science like he is.
Recently he asked what the plan was for my bday and if we were going to go to dinner and have a little get-together and I told him he wasn’t invited to our plans because I don’t like how he talks to and about my friends.
After all, they aren’t STEM students and I think he’s a jerk. He argued that I shouldn’t care because I’m a STEM major, (although I also do French and he makes fun of languages students but even if I didn’t I don’t appreciate him insulting my friends) and that I can’t just tell him that he isn’t welcome if he shows up.
I can and I will, I’m not going to ask my friends to be uncomfortable at my birthday party because what kind of host would I be doing that? He then came up with a few more arguments that I shut down and I repeated that he isn’t welcome because he can be quite cruel and my other friends are often upset after interacting with him, especially the girls.
He said I’m cruel and proof that popular people hate intelligence and outcast autistic people for being true to themselves, but the problem I find with that is I’m also autistic and about half the people I’ve invited are neurodivergent as well and they aren’t consistently cruel to others.
Autism is no excuse for consistently being a jerk, especially after we’ve explained why it’s cruel. My friends are giving differing opinions about whether or not I’m a jerk for doing this, I don’t think it was kind but I don’t think I’m a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t get to be a bully because you’re autistic. You don’t get to be sexist and misogynistic because you’re autistic. Autism is literally a spectrum so he doesn’t get to gatekeep who is and isn’t. Straight up tell him he’s a bully, it’s cool if he didn’t have the social awareness to know that before but he’s been made aware of it so he knows now and the fact he’s defending every action just means he wants to be a bully and can’t be surprised when people don’t want to be mistreated. It’s only cruel to 1 person if you don’t invite him it’s cruel to literally everyone else if you do.” fellygurl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He said I’m cruel and proof that popular people hate intelligence and outcast autistic people for being true to themselves.’
Unfortunately, once someone is convinced their perception of their own intellect means they can be condescending, rude, and judgemental of others, there’s not a lot you can do to fight that.
His intelligence isn’t the problem, it’s his behavior and his beliefs. As you correctly pointed out neurodivergence doesn’t make people jerks.
Also, he’s a misogynistic creep – it sounds like it’s time he needs to be ejected from the friend group.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn’t about ‘popular’ people not liking introverts. It’s about you and your friends refusing to be demeaned, bullied, and harassed. That he phrased it that way tells you everything about this guy and that he still sees zero issues with his actions, and someone that sees nothing wrong with their actions won’t change them.
If anyone is ‘cruel’ it’s the jerk with zero respect for other people and he’s not you.
I also find it disgusting that he blamed his actions on being ND (neurodivergent) when it’s about him being a bully period. That he says it’s because people don’t like ND and outcasts when you’re literally ND is idiotic.
I also could never imagine telling someone that I don’t care that I’m not invited they can’t do anything to stop me from going anyways, this man has zero boundaries and a complete lack of respect for other people. If anything I think you’re kind of a jerk for still being friends with him.
I’m almost positive he’s going to show up anyways because people like this don’t take no for an answer and less so when their ego is involved. Either message him and tell him that if he tries to come anyways that you’ve already designated people or security to make sure he doesn’t get in so it would be a waste of his time (even if it’s not true, it should be though) set up contingency plans for if he shows up.” AuraRiver
4. AITJ For Not Cooking My Brother's Preferred Dinner?
“I (19 f) have a brother (26) who tends to skip meals quite often.
My mother suffers from some health issues so her meals tend to be more on the bland side and for that reason sometimes something else is cooked on the side for the rest of the family. My mother was having a rough day so she wanted me to help her with food this particular day.
I agreed to do so and decided to make something else for me and my brother. When he saw me prepping for the food, he said he didn’t want to eat what I was cooking. I asked him what he wanted to eat, and it was a dish that I quite dislike.
I suggested that he could just eat what my mom was eating for the day. He insisted that I cook what he wants to eat but I didn’t agree to it. My mother overheard this conversation and asked me to just prepare the meal the way he wanted it to be.
I listened to her and started cutting some veggies. The ingredients for what we both wanted to eat were almost the same. I still slightly complained to my mother that I didn’t want to eat what my brother suggested and she got quite upset. She said that I could just prepare all of the food for everyone separately and since my brother is a picky eater, I should just make what he wants.
I got a little infuriated and told her he could just make his own food. She went on to say that the way I was behaving might give her a heart attack (she’s a heart patient). I went out of the kitchen and sat in my room for a few minutes and then when I went back, she had already put the pot over the stove.
She told me the portion is only enough for my brother and she hasn’t used any of the vegetables I had cut so I should now just make my own food. She yelled at me and wouldn’t talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. your brother is 26 years old, is an adult, is older than you, and PERFECTLY capable of making their own dang food to their own preference.
Your mother is also coddling your brother, being overdramatic, and ain’t making the situation any better. It isn’t you that ‘may give her a heart attack’, but herself.
I hope you are able to get things sorted. In my opinion, if I were in your shoes I’d only be making your own food from now on, and if it’s possible to start looking for a way to move out from home, do that too.
It sounds like both your mother and brother are perfectly capable of putting a pot on the stove/cooking and have come to expect that you will do it for them instead. you aren’t their Cinderella. Always remember that.” Interesting_Fly5154
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is unfair of your mother to expect her teenage daughter to cook two or three meals because she has health issues and her adult son is a picky eater. While it may seem like you are getting the short stick, both of you are getting hurt by her behavior.
By expecting you not only to cook for him, but make either what he likes or make an extra meal, she is prioritizing him over you. She is serving it with a side of guilt by suggesting your resistance may cause her life-threatening health problems, which is emotionally damaging.
She is providing you with practice with life and coping skills, though.
By comparison, your brother is learning that he neither has to provide for his food at home nor eat what is being served. Since he is neither asked nor expected to cook, he is learning that he must be catered to in order to survive, so she is not really helping him, but she’s probably not going to change.
You could take back some control by deciding what nights you will cook, and planning what will be on the menu. You could invite your brother to help with the prep or the planning and tell him which days he may choose to go out to eat.
If he is disabled, offer to help him learn how to become more independent by cooking his favorite meals on his own. If he doesn’t want you to teach him, suggest he check out YouTube. I hope it gets better.” GladysKravitz21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom may be having medical issues, but she’s also decided to be sexist. Your brother is older than you and a picky eater. He should be the one cooking if he’s going to kick up a fuss about what’s being prepared. Especially when he’s demanding a dish he likes and the cook doesn’t.
I know a 14-year-old boy who has legit problems with food textures who sometimes makes his own dinner if he has a problem with what’s been served. And has done so for several years now. Your parents’ failure to raise a functional adult is not your problem.
I’d decline to be responsible for his meals ever again.” Office_Desk906
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Like The Idea Of Taking Guardianship Of Their Kid?
“My friend ‘Max’ and his wife ‘Valera’ recently had a health scare because she thought she had cancer because she had a tumor but it was benign. I did everything for her; made sure she was doing ok, took her to appointments, and made her food while Max was traveling for work.
I did this because I cared for Max. Now here’s where the problem started: I was sitting down with Valera and she said that she and Max have discussed me taking over legal guardianship over their 3-year-old ‘Kimmy’ if they were to perish and they like the idea.
I was shocked why didn’t they discuss this with me first like that’s something you don’t just throw on someone. I said I didn’t agree to this and this caused Valera to cry. She called Max and he said I was being an insensitive person.
My mom says she sees both sides of the coin and understands where I’m coming from but she also understands what they’re going through. I just feel as if that’s something you should discuss with someone. I don’t think I’m a jerk but I need an unbiased opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is understandable for you to be caught off guard and feel uncomfortable when presented with such a big responsibility without prior discussion or agreement. It’s not fair for your friend and his wife to assume that you would be willing to take on legal guardianship without your consent.
It’s important to have open and honest communication when it comes to important decisions like this, and it’s okay to express your concerns and preferences. It’s not insensitive to prioritize your own well-being and to want to have a say in such an important decision.” Waxmaniac2
Another User Comments:
“Your taking care of your friend’s wife does not mean you are wanting to be their child’s parent. I’m horrified for you that this even came up. The tumor is benign and while a health scare is a good reason to put things in order ‘just in case’, you did not sign up to be a possible parent.
Asking a person/couple to be a godparent and guardian is a very serious question and needs the full agreement of every adult involved. Just because you are a good person and they ‘like the idea’ of you taking their child doesn’t obligate you in the slightest, and being honest in a situation like this is required so there are no assumptions or confusion further down the line.
NTJ.” wintersweetpea465
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s completely okay that you don’t want to be the legal guardian of a kid. I know the possibility of both of them dying is very small, but you need to be 100% sure you could and want to take in the kid before agreeing to be their ‘what if’ candidate.
It’s not mean or insensitive to say no to that.
Agreeing to that is not a favor, it’s a big, life-changing commitment, and it’s absurd she just sprung it on you like that.
I get that a health scare can change the way you see life, and I think it’s a very good idea they’re talking about whom to name guardian, but no one has to say yes to that.
I mean we’re talking about taking in a traumatized kid!” annamariapix
I'd go low to no contact with them if they can do that to you then who knows what else they'll spring on you. Toxic people!
2. AITJ For Not Offering My Mom To See My Baby?
“I (25F) recently had a baby. He had to stay in the NICU for 30 days due to him being about a month premature. The day after he was born, my sister and mom came to visit me in the hospital. While they were there, my partner made the comment that no one would be able to see the baby for a few months (we had no idea how long his stay would be, but were told to anticipate at least a couple of months).
And NICU doesn’t allow visitors other than the parents or whoever has one of the two wristbands (ie if one of the parents isn’t in the picture, a grandparent can take the other band).
Anyways, this meant that no one was able to come to see the baby while he was still in the hospital. Since getting out, we had taken him over to my partner’s parents’ house every Sunday, and sometimes during the week if they’re wanting to see him.
He is now 13 weeks and neither of my parents has met him, but we did take him to meet my sister this past weekend. My thought process is, if people want to be in my/his life, they’ll make the effort.
My mother has not even asked to see the baby.
Well, when I sent her a picture of the baby meeting his aunt, my mom lost her mind. Started insulting my partner and referring to him as the family’s new ‘Justin’. Justin is my sister’s ex-husband who was very toxic, and our mother claims that he supposedly didn’t let her meet their son for the first two years of his life.
Which is nonsense because they lived with us. So I tried to defuse her a little bit by mentioning she never asked to see him, and she says she was waiting for me to say it was okay. I again mentioned that she just needed to ask and we will plan something, but I’m not going to sit by and let her disrespect my partner for no reason.
All he did was say that no one would be able to visit the baby for a few months because he would be in the hospital. But she took it as a direct attack and said he was saying it about her specifically.
I should also mention that my mom and I have a HORRIBLE relationship, and have rarely spoken to each other in the last 5 years.
So I’m not exactly going out of my way to include her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your partner made a statement about it being months before anyone could meet the baby. This was taken as a boundary by your mom and she respected that boundary and waited until she was invited or asked to meet the baby.
She had yet to be invited so she waited and waited and waited.
You would also be complaining if she asked and you were not ready. And it is interesting that you TAKE the baby to see his parents on a regular basis but expect your family to come to you.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You take the child to see his other grandparents during the week. You take him to meet his aunt. Is that them making the effort or you? Yet you expect your mother to read your mind. You told her she couldn’t see him for SEVERAL MONTHS, it’s totally normal and natural that she would wait for you to say it was okay given he’s a few months old.
You really need to take stock of your actions here. Also, you told her she couldn’t see him for months yet have spent weeks taking him to see others… the person excluding your mother is you.” CaseyRC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: you left mom sitting at a red light, then you blow thru the signal honking your horn (sending the picture) while your mom still has a red light.
You need to turn that green.
I get that you do not have a good relationship with your mother, but if you actually read thru what you said here, you will see that your mother was patiently waiting for you to say that it was OK to see the kid.
She did what you asked, then you get mad when she does not ask to see the child because you never told her that it was Ok. This was on you, and not your mother.
Your mother wants to see her grandchild. It is up to you to decide if you are going to be another Justin or not.
So far you are showing her that you are just another Justin. Otherwise, why did everyone else get to see the baby ahead of your mother?” Mike_in_CO
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If you haven’t been close to your mother and don’t want to be close it’s fine to keep them distant from you/baby.
But don’t pretend it’s their fault for ‘not asking’ after they’d explicitly been told no one could meet the baby for a few months! They were respecting your rules – rules you yourself immediately broke by taking the baby over to his parent’s house multiple times a week during those months.
I’m not surprised she’s a bit mad.
But she doesn’t get to treat your partner like trash either way.” cloistered_around
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Wife's New Husband To Take Care Of My Son?
“I share custody of an 8-year-old boy (Bryan) with my ex. On Friday, he suffered a grade 2 concussion after getting hit in the head by a soccer ball at school.
My ex and I took him to two doctors and they both said he’ll be fine.
He just needs to rest for a few days. He starts spring break camp next week and they said he shouldn’t go until he has a follow-up next week with his primary care doctor.
This complicated our custody arrangement. I was going to have my son all next week and my ex was going out of town for a retreat.
She has to go. I do work from home but sometimes I might have to go to the office and I don’t want to take my son all over while he’s recovering from a head injury.
My ex and I discussed it and she said how about her husband of three years ‘Matthew’ takes care of Bryan during the day or if I need to work at my office.
Matthew could take the whole week off. I said no, I’ll figure something out.
I didn’t know that Matthew took that personally. I told him I appreciate and love that he is willing to take care of my son. Bryan is still not 100%. I’m having to help him in the bathroom, bathe him, dress him, etc. I don’t know if Matthew would be comfortable with that.
It’s not like Bryan just has a fever.
Matthew said that he would be comfortable with all that and it was just hurtful that I didn’t accept his help. That kinda irked me so I said speak up next time. For all I know my ex/your wife could just be volunteering you.
Had you come to me directly then I would probably use you.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I wonder if maybe you have a bit of hyper-independence going on.
It sounds like your son has a lot of adults around him who care about him – that’s a good thing.
Don’t get so wrapped up in what amounts to a miscommunication which is probably at least in part rooted in an assumption that you’re more concerned with defending yourself than apologizing.
(And yes, I do think you should apologize. People can make missteps all the time without being a jerk.)” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“Your ex and Matthew have been married for three years and you share custody with them. Presumably, Matthew has been taking a father-like role in Bryan’s life for the past three years.
You could have at least asked Bryan if he was comfortable staying with Matthew alone.
I expect Bryan would have thought you were nuts for even asking since he’s been doing it all along.
But you were mostly the jerk for deflecting (‘I said speak up next time. For all I know my ex/your wife could just be volunteering you.
Had you come to me directly then I would probably use you.’). Matthew wasn’t there, so how could he have offered?
YTJ.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
If the stepdad wasn’t involved in the doctor’s visits and he wasn’t a part of the conversations of aftercare, it makes sense that you’d be hesitant.
This wasn’t a three-parent conversation. His wife volunteered his help. There’s no way for you to know he is actually dedicated to helping or that he was being forced to. Just because they are married doesn’t mean they share equally the parenting of your son.
There are a lot of stories where parents make it known to spouses they are not to parent or take on a motherly/fatherly role, and all decision-making is made by bio parents equally for agreement. You aren’t in their household and you don’t sound close to this man so the unease is expected. There were points stepdad could’ve jumped in and didn’t.
Yeah, you could’ve double-checked with him if he was up to help, but he could’ve also been more involved overall.
He’s allowed to feel that he isn’t trusted but I don’t see where he was taking an active role during this emergency.
If the wife is the primary caretaker and she gives you updates and you are the primary caretaker and you give her updates, Matthew’s gotta make his presence known as an involved parent. He’s not a jerk, he may just be letting you guys lead on this.
He can call and say ‘hey man if you are going to be busy I really can take in stepson or stop by and watch him when you have to run into work’.
Communication is key for you both. It may not seem like co-parenting, but you are co-parenting with him.
You both need to at least work together during emergencies. It doesn’t seem like you all don’t like each other, just give each other distance since it’s an ex-hub/new-hub dynamic. It can be awkward but you can set up expectations around emergencies.
You can be more accepting of his help. He can be more involved with you when it comes to your son. Wife should rope him in when you all have these medical conversations because he needs to know and be included in the coordination. Make sure Matthew goes to the follow-up so he can hear and ask questions to the doctor also.
You don’t say if this is his first child but he needs to be aware of medical issues and what to do. He shouldn’t be dependent on wife to share that info.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your ex-wife and her husband are willing to bend over backward to take care of Bryan and are completely understanding of your work obligations and Bryan’s limitations while he recovers.
You said no. From your story, it sounds like you were overwhelmed with the post-concussive care required.
When you found out the stepfather was hurt and genuinely disappointed that he couldn’t help care for Bryan, you got angry at him because you don’t want to admit you did need help and he may have coped better for caring for Bryan than you were.
You didn’t want to accept help, didn’t want to ask for help, but you wanted to be the martyr. Stop trying so hard to blame a guy whose only crime was being willing to help and respectfully backing off when you said ‘no.'” Peskypoints
