People Want To Become Aware If They're Despicable In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Giving The Wedding Dress From My Grandma To My Cousin?
“In April last year, my (19f) grandma let everyone in her will inherit most things early (she’s still alive), which was almost everything except for things like her house, etc. I inherited my grandma’s wedding dress from the fifties or sixties since I loved it so much when I first saw it.
I’m not getting married anytime soon but I plan to in the future and I want to wear my grandma’s dress to my wedding.
My cousin, Jake (26m), is getting married to his fiancé, Lily (25f), late next year.
Jake reached out last week, which was weird because we are not close at all. He said that he had seen the dress before I inherited it from our grandma and he wanted his fiancé to wear it to their wedding.
I told him that the answer would probably be no, and he was pretty upset about it.
I decided to hear him out, he said that his fiancé would tell me her plans for alterations and stuff.
Lily called me the next day and to sum it up she pretty much wanted to cut up the dress, dye it and completely change the bodice. I told Lily that her plans were not ok w/ me and she pretty much said ‘I’m just going to give it to my future daughter/daughter-in-law so I wouldn’t want you wearing it’.
I was shocked by this witch’s entitlement and I told her that since it was my grandma’s dress I would want her wearing it as it would take away from the sentimentality for me. I also told her that even if I did let her wear the dress there was no chance that I would let her keep it.
Lily said it would be great since the dress would be free and her mum could do the alterations. I hung up when she started crying because I couldn’t take any more of this girl’s nonsense.
Jake blew up my phone and told me that I’m such a witch for making Lily cry and I shouldn’t have made them think there was a chance they could have the dress. I told Jake that at first, I might have been a chance but by the time Lily called I had made my decision.
Jack blew up saying that I shouldn’t rob his fiancé of the opportunity for the perfect dress, etc. I told him that the reason for my decision was that I was planning to wear it to my future wedding, that the dress was important to me and I didn’t want to wear a dress that had been cut up and worn by someone else so recently.
He said some nonsense like ‘our grandma might not even be there when you get married so why not let Lily wear it’.
I texted him (I might have gone too far but I was mad) saying that Lily wasn’t part of the family and that the dress meant nothing to her and didn’t have the value to her that it had to me, I didn’t want someone to take that away from me.
I called my grandma about this and she said that I shouldn’t give it to them as she didn’t want Jake’s fiancé to wear the dress because she barely knew her.
Since then Jake and Lily have both been blowing up my messages and Instagram DMs and Lily’s parents even dmed me, I’ve ignored all of it as it’s just them being mad and begging for the dress.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they want the perfect dress but they want to butcher this one to get there?
Your grandma’s dress is not her perfect dress, clearly. It’s just one they think they can get for free.
Your grandma doesn’t want them to have it, you’re fine.
I get why you invited them around, if they simply wanted to adjust the fit and were going to return it afterward that’s one thing.
But to make it completely unwearable for you, her grandchild, who loves it as it is, is just unacceptable.
‘our grandma might not even be there when you get married so why not let Lily wear it’
Seriously? Firstly, that would make it even more precious and secondly, I don’t think Grandma wants to see her dress completely reworked and dyed.” lizfour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, his fiance is not a grandchild – it holds no sentimental value to her.
Your cousin is a guy – it’s not about him wanting to wear his grandmother’s dress.
Second, you inherited it. It’s your property.
Third, no one should touch it or alter it – until you wear it and fits you and then you will probably hand it down the family line if you have kids.
Fourth, it’s not a perfect dress if she is cutting it up.
Fifth, doesn’t matter if your grandmother isn’t at your wedding physically – you wearing the dress makes her be there for you and all the family – it’s how you will include her.
Sixth, store it somewhere safe so they don’t steal it. Dont store it at your grans or parents – they will steal it.
Seventh, block them on your mobile and social media and live your life.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma even said no. Plus, this girl wanted to dye and alter the dress. She also wanted to keep it. Um, no. Your grandma’s wedding dress should only be worn by you, or one of your children.
The only alterations should be the ones you want. That fabric probably wouldn’t dye properly. It will eventually need a color restoration. Tell your cousin, his fiance, and her family to get lost. Your decision is made.
If they continue, block them.
I have my grandma’s wedding dress from ’49. It is still sealed in the same condition I got it in. I never got any restoration done because I am worried something might happen to it.
It is hand-stitched and has hand-done beading.” ImaginaryStandard293
19. AITJ For Taking Only My Sister To See A Movie?
“I (F20) and my only b***d-related sibling (f14) went to the movies to go see the new Avatar. We have been waiting for it for years and were so excited.
I asked my mom if I could use her car to go with my sister and she said yes. But under her breath, she said her husband will think that we would be starting to exclude the other kids (5 of his kids).
I just got back from college and went out to eat with my sister last night. I don’t have the best relationship with my step-family but I’m not purposely excluding them.
My sister paid for her own ticket and I paid for myself which cost us both the last of our money.
When we got back home the door was locked and had to ring the doorbell to get in. Once we got in I heard my mom and her husband discussing how we might be excluding them.
I might not like them but I wouldn’t do that. We both only had enough money for ourselves to get tickets. So AITJ for only going with my b***d-related sister?
Edit: I’m pretty sure my mom was defending me and my little sis to a degree and his kids are all ages from 8-14.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are entitled to spend one on one time with your b***d sibling! Your stepdad’s FIVE kids don’t automatically come along with your outings! Sure, sometimes it would be nice to include all the children on a beach or picnic adventure or other activities.
But movie tickets are costly, and it’s a nice bonding experience for you and your sister to share. Your mom needs to refuse to let her husband or his gaggle of kids interfere with the bond her children share!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom is. Why would your stepfather care if you went out with your sister? That’s ridiculous and your mom should have completely shut him down and told him to get out of your business.
Instead of being happy, your relationship is strong he only sees it as a slight against his kids. You need an adult on your side that actually cares about what you and your sister want.
Your mom is the adult who has the responsibility to protect you and your sister. I hope she steps up.” fi4862
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, taking care of 5 extra kids is a lot. If he is so concerned about you spending time with his kids then he should be the one paying for the activities and inviting both your mom and him to the outing.
He shouldn’t have to try to force you to have a relationship with them. It just makes better sense that you all go out together and build a relationship that way because you are not a babysitter and you don’t have enough to pay for 6 kids.
Even if you all were bio siblings it still doesn’t mean you would want to take on all 6 kids together all by yourself. Not every bio sibling hangs out together.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear An Ugly Sweater To Our Christmas Dinner?
“My partner and I have been together for a few months, and he invited me to meet his family for the first time for Christmas dinner.
According to him, it’s his brother’s (he has three) family tradition to make new partners wear an ugly Christmas sweater of their choosing as a ‘rite of passage’ (his words) for entering the family.
At first, I thought the concept was cute (I had imagined things like Santa getting stuck in a chimney, lights, bells, etc).
but when they mailed me the sweater my jaw dropped. It was probably the most vulgar Christmas sweater I’ve seen (without getting into it, let’s just say that Santa was making gestures/participating in an act that was not ok for children to see).
I personally thought it was gross, and it was bad enough that if someone at work saw me wear it I’d definitely get in trouble.
I told my partner that in no way would I wear this, but he said I was being a wet blanket and unsupportive of his family tradition.
I said I’d wear any other sweater and would even pay for one myself, but he just called me a spoiled sport.
I do love my partner, so I actually considered wearing it and asking people to not take photos as a compromise, but on the day of the party, I decided to not wear it last minute.
I had to drive separately from work so my partner didn’t know about this prior.
When his brother opened the door, he eyed me up and down and I could tell he wasn’t happy that I didn’t wear the sweater.
My partner was really mad when he saw me, and we argued in the guest room for a little bit. His brothers teased me for being uptight, and I could tell the jokes that embarrassed my partner.
I ended up leaving the party early without my partner, and we’ve been fighting via text since.
Now I’m thinking that I was a jerk for taking the joke too seriously.
UPDATE: I really thought long and hard about my partner’s family and whether or not I wanted to be with a partner who wouldn’t respect my boundaries.
We got into one final fight when he nagged me to apologize to his brothers all separately. I told him that if he wore the sweater they bought me to our Friendsmas party (about 15-20 attendees) then I’d apologize.
He immediately freaked and said ‘no’, and tried to argue they wouldn’t understand because it’s not their tradition.
I explained that it had nothing to do with ‘tradition’ but rather with my personal comfort level and whether or not the sweater was an appropriate article of clothing.
I asked him why he felt uncomfortable wearing the sweater in front of friends, and he refused to answer. He froze up and that’s when I realized it wasn’t going to work out. He knew that it was inappropriate and he, himself, refused to wear it in public.
Yet he was too stubborn to apologize and be on my side.
I told him it wasn’t going to work out, so I guess I’m going into the new year single as a pringle. A few friends found out about the breakup already, and this might have made me a jerk now, but I sent them the photo of the sweater and explained what happened. I’m also glad to know that even people in real life were grossed out.
I don’t know what will happen with his friendships with those people, but it’s none of my business at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, if a family has a habit of hazing new partners, the best thing you can do for yourself is to set proper expectations immediately and not play along.
Starting out with them in a compliant ‘don’t rock the boat’ attitude is just kicking the can down the road.
If they’re testing your threshold for compliance, then non-compliance is key. If they’re just mean people who are more concerned with their own hilarity (eye roll) than they are with making a guest feel welcome, then again, you’re telling them right up front to leave you out of it.
NTJ.
And depending on your partner’s willingness to protect you now, in the beginning, when you’re still in the honeymoon phase and everyone is on their best behavior, really take a long hard look at this family’s dynamics.
With the expectation that the first year or two is when everyone’s putting their best foot forward, the inference is that it’s all downhill from here.
You really looking down the road and seeing a good outcome here?” Forsaken_Woodpecker1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been together for a few months… I am willing to. bet anything this isn’t a tradition but some joke the brothers were making.
Kinda beyond a red flag here, I would ask his mother about this tradition and show her the sweater you were told to wear.
I don’t think there is an answer here you are going to like.
If she knew, these are the kind of jokes they will make at any future event with your family, and you will need to smile and laugh at that sweater in front of your family (not that actual sweater but jokes of that kind at important events, like meeting his family was).
If she didn’t know, then you were the joke, not the sweater. The whole event was designed to be at your expense, your ‘partner’ was willing to ruin his family’s Christmas to make you look like a fool.
Does he have a habit of making you a little uncomfortable? Even if it’s just ‘silly’ stuff like this that it’s hard to tell why the joke is so funny.
A few months seems like a REAL short time to bother with something like this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wording made me think that you got to choose the sweater, which would have been fine, and a cute way to introduce someone into the family and ugly sweater tradition.
This way sounds like some misogynistic gross childish way for three brothers to humiliate someone THEY DON’T KNOW before even meeting them. They can mess with each other – the brother bringing the new partner can wear the sweater his brothers choose if they want to carry on this wacko ‘tradition.’
The fact that he wouldn’t wear the sweater himself tells you all you need to know – he could have asked his brothers to pick something different. If he was part of choosing the sweater, I’d get outta there as soon as possible, seeing how fine he’d be with you being humiliated while meeting his family FOR THE FIRST TIME.
They can grow up and pick a better tradition. It’s probably going to stop anyway once one of the brothers has a kid (if ever, given the evidence).” totoro-gotta-go
17. AITJ For Telling My Dad He's Not My Son's Parent?
“When I was a freshman in college (I’m 26 now), I and this older woman hooked up and she got pregnant.
There was a lot of drama. My son Matthew was born and her crazy family wanted to adopt him but my dad ended up being the one who adopted him.
My parents (who have been divorced for 20 years) told me that they rather I go back to college and establish myself so I can be the father I needed to be for Matthew.
I was still a kid myself.
Maybe I wasn’t there every day. Now I’m about to get married and my fiancée loves Matthew as much as I do. We both make good money and just bought a house.
Over the years my dad has started to treat me like I’m just Matthew’s older brother. He’s 7 and I’m actually a responsible adult. Basically, I want Matthew to start living with me and I take charge of him.
My dad is being a jerk now about it even going as far as to tell me that I need permission from HIM to spend time with MY son. He’s my son regardless of what paperwork my parents made me sign.
A lot of things bother me about how my dad is taking care of my son and my mom sides with him every time. I would do things very differently.
I reminded them that my goal is to take him back, and my dad said ‘that’s not going to happen.’ I reminded him that he is not his dad and never will be.
Then I told him that I don’t even agree with how he was running things and that I can do better.
Edut: Why should I ask my dad permission to take my kid out with my partner (who is going to be his stepmom) but my 19-year-old brother takes him to the beach without asking?
I also should have a say in things like school and medical stuff. I’m not a teenager anymore.
Edit: My dad is 56. He’ll be in his 60s when Matthew is a middle schooler.
Basically, my dad tricked me into signing those papers.
He literally stole my kid from me. What kind of dad does that? He planned it all along.
I don’t agree with how my dad is raising him. My dad treats him like a trophy child and is unreasonably controlling.
I am also mad that the reason why Matthew calls my dad ‘daddy’ is because he thinks my dad is literally his dad and he calls me ‘Lando’ because I’m his brother.
I don’t know if Matthew knows I’m his dad.
I don’t know what my dad told him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your father/parents adopted him. Legally, that makes them parents.
Plus, he’s seven. He has a home and a stable life. You don’t get to throw that into chaos just because you feel ready now.
What you want doesn’t matter, at all. What matters is the best interest of the child. And you’ve given no reasons why this child’s best interest is to leave the only home he’s known, and the parents who have cared for him, and live with you.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If your Dad adopted Matthew, he is Matthew’s Dad. He has been Matthew’s Dad for 7 years.
If there was a temporary custody arrangement in place saying that when you reach a certain age, you’ll take over parental responsibility again then I’ll change my ruling, but you said your Dad adopted him, making your Dad his Dad.
You don’t get to change your mind 7 years in, because it’s now convenient. Unless that was always the agreement.” mynamecouldbesam
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – He has been his parent, guardian, father, dad, etc. all along up to now and you have been a mere sperm donor.
You were either 18 or 19 when he was born – you were old enough to take responsibility for your son – you weren’t a kid as you claim, you were legally an adult.
You may be older and more responsible now but you still have a lot of maturing to do.
Your biological son has only ever known your father as his father.
I’m not saying you should never have custody but you’re treating this as though it’s a black-or-white issue – so many grey area’s here.
This is far more complex than you seem to think.
Consult your lawyer. You may not care about the paperwork you signed but the law is the law. And for the love of God start thinking in terms of the perspective of your biological son.
What does he want? What does he need? How would the transition be handled if things were to get to a stage where legal custody changes hands? What is the plan? Will his emotional and psychological needs be met?” User
16. WIBTJ If I Tell The HR About The Money My Coworker Stole?
“So I (24f) work in a relatively small office.
Around 2-3 weeks ago a new girl started, let’s call her Sasha (30f). The week after Sasha started, payroll screwed up her paycheck and only paid her like $3. I came into the office as she was crying, saying she needed the check to pay her car payment, and if she didn’t pay that day it would be repoed. So I loaned her $200 and told her to just pay me back when they corrected her check, which was meant to be the next day.
The next day when she received her corrected check, she texted me asking if instead of paying me back she could simply be my ride to work for the month of December. I usually take the train and wouldn’t pay that much for transportation, but I said sure since I could tell she needed it.
About a week later Sasha got in trouble at work for not performing and made it into a race issue. Not only that, she dragged MY name in as a witness. I told HR I had no clue what she was referring to and didn’t call again for a ride, that was last week.
Come Thursday I spoke with her about wanting my money back. She gave me rides for a week, so I figured it was more than fair to only ask for $120 back. When I said this to her she said ‘umm, okay.’ Come Friday I sent the money request.
So Saturday night she declined the app request and texted me saying she wouldn’t be paying me back. That she was ‘being nice’ by giving me rides, and she was keeping the $200 for the ONE WEEK of rides she gave me.
I responded by saying that wasn’t what we had agreed to at all, and I was willing to work out a payment system but I wanted my money back… she never responded. And since we get bonuses and I know hers was at least $250, so it isn’t a financial issue.
I was venting to one of my friends, and they suggested I report her to HR for creating a hostile work environment. Which I want to do, but I don’t know if I have a right to, or if it’s worth her losing her job over this since she’s already had HR issues.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this isn’t HR’s responsibility. However, the dynamic between you and your coworker over this dispute could affect your work environment so consider posting your conversation with HR as letting them know there is a hostile dynamic with this coworker because there is an unpaid loan she refuses to repay, and you’d prefer not to be partnered in shifts with her, etc. They might be able to space you two out a bit.” LostBody3801
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Your coworker didn’t steal anything. You gave a stranger $200. Then, when instead of paying you back immediately, she said she wanted to give you rides for a month, and you said YES.
I am really sorry that your kindness is being punished, but you offered the money, accepted the bad deal, and then thought you would be able to still get money out of this person. You can certainly take a shot at small claims court, but I’m not sure what you’re going to get out of it.
It is possible that if the texts show her agreeing to the $120 payment you could get that. I don’t think you have a shot at the $200, though.” SplendidDogFeet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. Never do this coworker a favor again.
Do the bare minimum interaction needed to not endanger your job.
But, I probably wouldn’t involve HR. It would only devolve into a he said/she said (or rather, she said/she said, in this case) situation.
And none of what she did was actually against the policy or anything.
You gave per a personal loan and she screwed you. For the amount in question, if she refuses to pay you back, I would just chalk it up as a life lesson and move on.
With that in mind, keep an eye out for her doing things detrimental to the company (stealing company funds, violating policy, etc), and document anything you notice. I wouldn’t report her unless it was something serious though.” Expensive_Plant_9530
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, and you probably wouldn’t accomplish much except make yourself look bad. It was nice of you to lend Sasha money, and you realize now she is not a good person.
However, the money issue is a personal issue, in hindsight, a bad decision on your part. Sasha could retaliate and accuse you of badgering her for repayment during company time.
Outside of business hours, if you want, continue to send her a request for repayment.
Or you can write it off. Either way, I don’t think Sasha is going to be making any effort to pay you back.
Karma is a witch though, Sasha will suffer for it eventually.” PleaseCoffeeMe
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My In-Laws To My Celebratory Dinner?
“My partner and I recently bought a house and are beginning to host mostly to thank those who kindly helped: my family gave us a small sum for furniture; our friends (and his sister) helped with some renos.
It’ll be a mix of gatherings of friends/family and 1:1 dinners. We’re not having a housewarming, we don’t want gifts.
So my partner’s parents didn’t help in any way. We understand we’re not entitled to anything, but the reason is that they were adamant about not buying in 2022, and we obviously ignored their advice.
For what it’s worth, they’re not entirely wrong, but our belief was that we couldn’t time the market and we’d buy what we loved if we could afford it. I’ll add that they always told him they’d help when he buys a house; the father owns a small construction company so we hoped we’d be able to borrow extra tools he keeps; and they rely on my partner for a lot (one of many examples can be giving up his Sat.
to help dad on a job, not get paid for it, buying lunch for all the guys, and not get reimbursed).
When he asked to borrow the father’s extra tools, the father said no with a helping of, ‘oh you won’t listen to me when I said not to buy a house now but you want to borrow my tools?’
We invited his sister and a few others for a get-together in Jan. Parents find out about our plans (incl with my fam). They’re upset they’ve been left out of all the parties, and have only been invited to see the house (no dinner or anything).
We explain they’re thank-you dinners. Parents get more offended. Partner asked if we can just invite them to something soon (tag along or host a nice dinner), I said definite no to the former, and I don’t want to do the latter.
AITJ for sticking to my guns about only hosting for those who helped us?
We will host eventually, but I’m talking about a celebratory hosting occasion in early 2023.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The Dad owns a construction company and relies on your partner for help sometimes, and you had to do renovations, and he didn’t help, declined to let you borrow tools, AND told you no because you didn’t listen to them about when to buy.
But now, of course, they want to enjoy your house and be included in the celebrations.
You are right that you aren’t entitled to anyone’s help, but first, you are only hosting people who have helped to thank them, so of course you wouldn’t include them.
What is worse, is that they clearly rely on your partner for things, so my guess is they believe ‘family helps family’ and will likely say something about the importance of family when pressuring you to include them, but they didn’t have that energy when you were buying and moving into your new home.
Stick to your guns about the party in January, which is a thank you to people who helped with the house. After that, of course, have them over like you would any other family, and tell your partner after the party in January, if he wants to host them for dinner he can plan it; of course, you will come and help, but he can take the lead in putting it together.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To me, it’s no different than when you buy food and drink for the people that helped you move. You swing by 4 hours after we’re finished and want to enjoy the food and drink we bought for helpers?
Not gonna happen
They want to enjoy the ‘end product’ of your new home, and couldn’t even LOAN you tools because you did it on your timeline? They’re jerks.
This behavior will continue unless you hold your ground~ and your hubby needs to realize this.
I hope that you can both agree that you’ll invite them over to tour the home – but not the Thanks-for-Helping dinners. They made a choice, that’s their loss.” fanofpolkadotts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the dinners have a purpose and it is to say thank you to the people who were there for you and helped you when you needed it.
I understand they were trying to provide their opinion, but at the end of the day, you’re all adults you’re allowed to make your own decisions.
Regardless if you guys didn’t take their advice or not, they are being so stubborn about the whole situation.
Especially after you mentioned, that your husband helps them with the task, and his father with his business on his day off and pays for a meal for his workers without getting any type of reimbursement, but FIL couldn’t put away his pride to let his son borrow some tools.
It’s like they chose the hill to die on, but refuses to deal with the ramification.
In my opinion, you’re not doing anything wrong, they are not banned from the house. They’ve seen the home and got to take a look.
And that’s that.” Chantalle22
14. AITJ For Recording How My Mom Treats My Sister?
“Tonight my sister ‘Mary’ (9) and mom were fighting because Mary didn’t know what to wear for picture day tomorrow. My mom would pull out something and Mary would say she doesn’t like it (our dad said that whatever Mary chooses to wear, she will wear it).
When Mary chooses what she likes my mom would start a lecture about how it’s wrong bla bla bla. Basically yelling all the time.
I know all teenagers are saying that their mom yells a lot.
But I mean it. Mine literally can’t speak in a normal tone. Even when she is not angry. Even when she’s calm, talking about a normal theme. Before you ask, no she wasn’t raised like that, my grandparents do not yell, in fact, they try to be as quiet as possible because they live in an apartment.
Little did they know, I was blogging the fight for like 40 minutes for fun. I wasn’t going to post it anywhere. I was planning to watch the video like twice then delete it because I am short on space on my phone.
I was recording how my sister was crying (before you ask Mary never really minds when I record and neither does mom, but I’ll get back to this later). My mom was yelling at her and trying to find a reason Mary is crying, trying to find any reason that isn’t her, then she looked at me.
She realized that I was recording and started yelling at me saying that I made Mary cry. While both Mary and I were yelling back saying that she is the reason Mary is crying, not me.
Then she started to say that I posted it on social media, while I said like 5 times that I didn’t plan nor won’t post it anywhere. Mom has this thing where she will continue her side of the story while not hearing each other because of her own yelling.
She took my phone and permanently deleted it. She usually wouldn’t care. The thing is, my mom got afraid that I would show the video to my dad, who will be home for like 10 mins.
Both my mom and me know that she doesn’t care about social media, she is afraid that my dad would be mad at her for yelling at Mary. My dad always wins an argument very fast and calmly, he also doesn’t like when my mom yells at you.
Especially if it’s because we don’t like some shirt that we grew out of ages ago.
Currently, my mom is trying to offer Mary candy so she doesn’t tell him what happened. We will see about that, he will be home really soon.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also maybe it is time to tell Dad. This is very unhealthy. Picture day shirt is not a good reason to make your child cry. Then to blame it on you that fast. She will point blame at anybody but herself.
This may get worse. It is definitely worth letting Dad know. I fear how she will act if you move out and Dad is not home. Trust me I am a very loud person. I am very passionate and yell when u don’t mean to.
There is a difference between being loud and straight-up yelling horrible things at you. If she is being cruel and it does seem rather abusive. I’m saying dear Child please tell another trusted adult. Dad, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandparents.
Whoever it might be. She knows she is wrong. That’s why she can refrain when Dad is around. Good luck sweet babies.” Liedetector30000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. Your mom is an awful person. And this treatment of you and your sister needs to end.
Right now. Full stop. You can’t let it continue.
Your ability to record her is your greatest weapon. Your mom is afraid of being outed as an aggressive person. Because not only would she get in trouble with your dad, but she’d also get in trouble if anyone else learned the truth.
Start recording every time your mother is yelling. Immediately send it to dad every time.
YOUR DAD NEEDS TO KNOW.” Fluid_Response_6062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your Mom is an abusive sweetheart. She knows what she’s doing is wrong – hence her scramble to hide it.
You may be able to get that video back! I know iPhones have an album all the way at the bottom called ‘recently deleted’ where you can recover files for up to 30 days. See if you have that or similar on your phone, and show your father.
Even if you can’t, TELL HIM ANYWAY and tell him your mother deleted it specifically so you can’t show him, they tried to bribe your sister not to tell!” Reevadare1990
13. AITJ For Offering My Brothers To Stay At My Place?
“I (28M) have been in low contact with my family for a very long time, practically since I started college a decade ago, the only exception is my brother, let’s call him Alexis (15M), who I’ve been writing letters to practically since I left, he’s always been my baby boy and we were very close in those first few years of his life.
A few weeks ago I got a call from him panicked out of his butt, apparently, he’s been left home alone with our youngest brother Jon (5M), for almost five months now. This isn’t out of character for my parents, they’ve never been the most attentive, but I used to believe it was on me, they had me when they themselves were kids you see, and I figured they resented me for it, I realize now they just suck.
It broke my heart he didn’t have the courage to tell me sooner but I told him they’d always be welcome at our home.
My parents’ house is pretty close to our house, so I offered to pick my brothers up for a brotherly bonding sleepover, Alexis texted my parents for permission, just to make sure we weren’t as likely to be accused of kidnapping and after they said yes I drove and picked them up, (I would have probably gone and stayed there or at least dropped off stuff regularly if they had said no).
I got to meet my baby’s brother! He settled down surprisingly easily, my daughter is around his age which definitely helped. I and Alexis got to have a few moments alone while he was settling down in the guest room and he just broke down, he was so exhausted and stressed from having to be an adult and care for Jon for so long.
I couldn’t be prouder of him but I’m so so sad and angry that he hasn’t gotten to enjoy his first year of Highschool at all because of this.
I asked a friend of mine who works with CPS what could be done and she recommended I keep them in my care with my parents’ permission and report the whole situation.
So I did.
Took CPS a bit to step in but there’s finally been some movement, my brothers had to go back to my parents’ house for a bit. I’ve been told they either have to go to another adult in our family, which will have to be me since our aunts and uncles are back in our home country, or go into the system, which I refuse to allow.
That’s where we’re at, for now, dealing with all that.
I thought I was doing the right thing but recently some of my friends from college are telling me I acted without thinking and could ruin my brother’s life as well as our parents’.
And 2 of my aunts have even come to visit and absolutely berated me for putting all of this on my parents, I’ve also gotten countless calls from family back in our home country calling me a selfish jerk.
I understand my parents have struggled a lot in their lives and I can see how my actions may absolutely ruin their lives but I can’t just do nothing, still, all this talk, and especially my college friends have me anxious and confused so… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ.
A 15-year-old should not be home alone with a 5-year-old for 2 nights let alone 5 months. CPS should have been involved 4.5 months ago. Your brother is incredible BUT he should never have been in that position.
You did not ruin anyone’s life. Your parents made a choice to leave a young teen in charge of a young child without adult supervision indefinitely. That was a choice and choices have consequences. Their consequence will likely be losing custody of their sons.
For your friends – tell them their attitude is the reason child mistreatment perpetuates. For your Aunts, ask them where they were and why they weren’t helping your brother. Ask them why they think a 15-year-old should be the sole caretaker for a 5-year-old when both have been abandoned by their parents.
Ask your family members back home if they plan on moving there to live in the home to care for both boys since your parents are clearly unwilling to.
You absolutely did the right thing.” sometimesblessed
Another User Comments:
“You did exactly the right thing. ANYTHING could have happened to those boys. You gave them a place of love and safety, which is exactly what your brother knew you would do; that’s why he called you.
Ignore friends and family who have berated you; the only people who are jerks in this situation are your parents. If they get in trouble, so be it. They abandoned their children for 5 months. God forbid there had been an accident/break-in/house fire etc and they’d been injured or killed, people’s opinions would be extremely different.
It’s down to you that they’re safe and well. You’re a great brother and an amazing man to step up like this. Even as a stranger, I’m so proud of you – your brothers will never forget this.
NTJ NTJ NTJ” ohnosandpeople
Another User Comments:
“Vehemently NTJ. Any time doubt tries to creep in, or the silence of the night gives way to the voices of those who would say you’ve done wrong, I want you to focus on one thing: the memory of your brother breaking down.
I’m sure the look on his face, as he cried from relief and exhaustion, is forever etched into your memory. The poor kid probably shook once he was finally safe to fall apart. You likely recognize the pain in his eyes, because it’s no different than the eyes you saw in the mirror when you were his age.
Your parents’ neglect is different this time because you’re in the position to be the kind of person you needed to intervene with back when you were your brother’s age.
Remember those things, and never doubt yourself again.
Your brothers need you.” DragonCelica
12. AITJ For Redoing My Nursery?
“My sister is an interior designer so she was eager to design a nursery for us. We hired her when I was 4 months pregnant and at the time I loved what she’d done with it but the closer I’ve gotten to my due date the more the nursery was bothering me.
My husband saw me crying over it a few times so he decided to hire a new designer to redo the nursery since it was upsetting me so much.
I finally told my sister a few days ago and it didn’t go over well.
She’s angry because she thinks I lied about loving the nursery in the beginning and she thinks we would’ve hired her again to change it if that wasn’t the case. She keeps telling everybody I’m ungrateful and our dad and her mother think I should’ve spoken to her before hiring somebody else to change the nursery and that I really should’ve hired her to redo it as it was obvious she would be upset about me choosing somebody else to erase all of her hard work.
It feels like the only people on my side are my mum and my husband so was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are saying ‘hire’ in the sense of you paid her for the work she did, even if at a discount or something by her doing, then it doesn’t matter.
You admit in the beginning you loved/liked it. Think of how many people redo their living rooms, dining rooms, bedrooms, etc cause they liked it one way and then changed their mind down the road.
It happens.
Yeah, you probably should have at least mentioned it cause it’s not like you could hide it if she comes over often, but, if you paid her she did her job. You decided to go with another person and probably had to pay them.” littlefemwolf
Another User Comments:
“I think that if you care about your sister as a person, you should recognize that her feelings were hurt and talk it out rather than coming to the internet for validation.
You aren’t technically wrong for what you did and it was paid professional work, but you should have known your sister wouldn’t take it well, and I agree with her confusion over why you’d go to someone else.
That said, your sister sucks for getting other people involved, and they suck for letting themselves get involved. So with the info given here, my vote is ‘everyone sucks here’. Everyone in this situation needs more empathy and better communication skills.” tops1245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re likely nesting and your hormones are creating problems where there aren’t any. If you got a haircut and liked it in the salon, but realized you actually wanted something a little different later in the week, would you be in the wrong for changing your mind?
This is why it’s hard to mix business with family. Would she treat any other customer the way she’s treating you? That’s extremely unprofessional. Is she actually upset because you spent your money somewhere else?
Your parents shouldn’t even be involved in this.” D_Nicole91
11. AITJ For Snitching On My Backstabbing Classmate?
“I attended a group therapy program at the school every day. the group has a strict policy on confidentiality and follows the guidelines of ‘what happens in this room, stays in this room’.
One day in the group I was talking about my father and my relationship with him. I spoke about my father’s insane rules while my classmate made snide remarks in disbelief for reasons I don’t understand.
Come the next day, I find out he is telling his classmates about the things my dad does, saying I’m lying as well as telling people my full name. My friend who had that class with him told him to stop and then told me about what happened.
I reported it and I know that makes me a snitch and a crappy person but that’s what I felt was necessary at the time. this led to him having to publicly apologize along with getting lectured by multiple people.
This includes private and public. I feel like I shouldn’t have reported something so minor but it took me 1 1/2 years in that group to be able to speak about my dad’s abusive behavior. But anyway, AlTJ?
Did I go overboard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The popular feeling about ‘snitching’ is childish. You have no reason or any moral obligation to cover up for somebody who is being a jerk to you.
If you were an adult, in some circumstances you might just speak to them instead, but the basic thing is if you are part of a system then you work with that system when somebody does something wrong.
You have enough on your plate already with the therapy and the stuff that’s causing it, you don’t have to be responsible for this other guy’s crap too.” Anonymausss
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and definitely not a trashy person.
Quite frankly I don’t like the term snitch either but you did technically tell however that IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE! His behavior is unacceptable and he cannot go around abusing the things he hears in therapy.
It has to be a trust exercise and for that to work the people in it must be able to trust each other. Please do not think you did anything wrong. You did exactly the right thing in this situation and stopped the behavior.
He will not only learn about trust but you have probably stopped him from getting into more trouble further down the line by stopping him from thinking he can get away with stuff like that!” Existing-Drummer-326
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk. He was bullying you and breaking the group rules. You have to stick up for yourself and call a bully out just like you did. He’s the jerk and the adults need to see it.
If I were you I would do individual therapy, never group therapy because you are airing your private matters to people you don’t know, making it public knowledge. Protect yourself. That group is not confidential and realizes that anyone who was laughing is a potential enemy.
It’s always good to know who your enemies are to keep yourself safe.
I would withdraw from that class or not discuss your issues in it anymore. Unfortunately, probably nothing will happen to that kid except maybe lunch detention.
Let us know if he gets kicked out of the class like he should. But remember, anyone else laughing is in enemy territory. Be courteous but don’t engage with them in any conversations or interact with them.
I would ask your guidance counselor if they can arrange for private in-school counseling sessions for you. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!” JunebugRB
10. AITJ For Wanting To Do Things Both I And My Daughter Enjoy?
“My stepdaughter is 6. I had a 3-year-old son that passed away two years ago, and I still have a lot of grief. He is from a previous relationship. We now have a 6month old daughter together, so two living kids.
He has always played exactly what his daughter wants every time she wants. I have a different viewpoint. I played a lot alone as a child, and maybe that’s why I feel this way. But I don’t believe I have to play things/games I don’t want to play.
I stay home with the kids and he expects me to always drop what I’m doing and play whatever his daughter wants. I feel different. I feel like we can do things we both enjoy together, like baking and watching movies and playing games on Roblox, crafting, etc. I don’t enjoy dolls, or playing tag, or playing board games.
So I don’t engage in those activities. He says I’m not doing enough because I don’t play those things with her.
I guess I just want to know if other people think I’m the jerk for having ‘boundaries’ so to speak and preferring to do things we both enjoy.
I sometimes do the things I don’t enjoy with her, but usually, I redirect to something we both enjoy. It’s hard enough with a 6-month colicky baby that I am the sole caretaker of. I’m making excuses now I know, but I’m struggling so badly with her colic and now I feel even worse because I guess I don’t do enough.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are the jerk, but I wanted to ask if you are doing okay. Child loss, having a young baby, having a six-year-old, and maintaining all the other tasks you have is a lot to manage.
Does your husband realize how much you extend yourself in order to address everyone’s needs? I don’t think it’s your job to drop everything to play exactly when your six-year-old asks, because I think that sounds like an unreasonable expectation.
If I dropped everything to play every time my children asked, there would be no clean clothes, no dinner, nothing cleaned, and my own mental state would be so shot. When you decide not to play with her because it’s a game, have you tried incorporating her into what you are doing?
I know it’s not the same thing and sometimes having a child help makes things harder, but my 3-year-old feels so proud when he helps me do the laundry or carry it upstairs. It’s not play, per se, but it’s still bonding and spending time together.
I think it might be helpful for your husband to sit down with you and face the reality of what your day is.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is good to encourage their interests and participate in activities you don’t want to do some of the time.
However, you don’t have to drop everything every time. It’s good for children to learn how to entertain themselves. As long as you never ignore her when she approaches you and talk things out with her.
IE. ‘I can’t do that now but we can do it later…’ or ‘I have to do this thing now, but I’ll play this other thing with you later.’
It’s also totally okay to say, ‘Is it okay if we do something else instead?
I’m more in the mood for (list of other things)’.
Because all of this is teaching behavior for when she’s interacting with friends later on as well.” bookagnostic
Another User Comments:
“I just want to give you a hug.
You’ve had a lot of really hard times going on, haven’t you? Grief has no time limit, especially with a loss like yours and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I know he’s not here, but he will always be your son.
Nothing can change that.
You definitely aren’t a jerk where your stepdaughter’s concerned. My own mum never really bothered to do anything with me and you’re making loads of special moments and memories with her.
I know you said there are certain things you’d rather not do, but if her dad is doing them with her, then she’s having special time with you and special time with her father. I get the impression that sometimes you do those things, by the fact that you don’t do the things she wants all of the time.
So no you aren’t the jerk. In fact, where anything is concerned here, I don’t see you being the jerk.
The closest person I see to being a jerk is your husband. You’ve had a terrible loss, you’ve got a colicky baby that you’re the primary caregiver for and he’s getting on your back about the quality time you have with your stepdaughter?
I could be entirely wrong here, but he doesn’t seem to be very understanding or especially supportive. But I’m reluctant to call him a jerk because for all I know, he might’ve been a real rock to you in the past and this is a blip in his normal behavior.
He may not realize how tough things are, which is silly, but entirely plausible. I really think you should lay it out for him and explain in full detail just how you’re feeling. He needs to support you.
You need help. At the risk of sounding slightly nuts, I can feel your stress and sadness through the screen and you don’t deserve this! Taking care of yourself is at least equally important as taking care of your family.
NTJ” Impossible_Disk_43
9. AITJ For Asking My Father's Brother To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My mom met her husband when I was 17 and she married him after five months of knowing him. I was already living with my grandparents so I could attend college when he moved in with her.
So we never lived together. He never parented me or put a roof over my head or any of the stuff that some might say makes him worthy of playing Father of the Bride. He’s an okay guy but I don’t love him or feel particularly close to him.
He’s just my mom’s husband and the father to my half siblings she had with him once I was already moved out.
My mom has apparently decided though, that he has done ‘so much for me’ that I should be making him the father of the bride at my wedding and have him walk me down the aisle.
My dad died when I was still a baby so mom doesn’t count him, even though they were married and everything. Though they were both very young so maybe she didn’t care about him and only married him because she got pregnant.
I don’t know. But she was talking about her husband. He was acting like he expected it too and was talking about how I’d need to be introduced to some of his friends and coworkers so that when I invite them, they identify me as his daughter.
I thought it was crazy. The man is not my parent and he’s the only family on a technicality but we are not close, we hardly see each other ever.
I told my mom it wasn’t going to happen.
She went crazy and accused me of being ungrateful and told me I was being disrespectful and how could he not walk his kid down the aisle. I told him he could walk THEIR children down the aisle someday but he was never my parent and I was never his kid so he was not walking me.
He was offended. He told me he’d never do anything for me again. I asked him what he had done. He said he took care of my mom and gave me siblings and he put me through college (he didn’t).
He said if those things weren’t appreciated then why did he even bother? Mom told me I should be worshiping the ground he walks on because he’s been such a good dad. She called me selfish some more and then I just walked out and blocked her.
But she told my grandparents (her parents) and they asked if could I do it to show I appreciate him for being there for mom and for being kind to me. I told them he wasn’t very kind to me there and I pointed out that my uncle, dad’s brother, was already doing it.
They told me it would be kind to let him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. It’s crazy that your mom would automatically assume him to be your father, but forget that you had already been away from home and in school already before she got married to this, what I would call, weirdo.
It’s not fair that they’re trying to claim him as the father of the bride and he’s not, from what you told us, even an actual parent to you. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have him walk you down the aisle, and if he’s so hurt that he threatened to never do anything for you again then I say, specifically don’t invite him.
And if that annoys your mom, don’t invite her either. From her actions alone in your statement, she chose him over you and that’s not fair.
I’m glad your biological father’s brother is walking you down the aisle, not much was said about him, but considering you’re letting him walk you down the aisle… it seems like he was more of a father to you than the step-parent.
It’s your wedding at the end of the day, it should go how you and your partner planned it.” PlayfulPrinciple2160
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you were grown when he turned up in your mother’s life and has never had a parental relationship with you.
Why he’d presume he’s walking you down the aisle is beyond me, heck nobody should presume what part they’ll be in someone else’s wedding.
Now I’m going to go laugh my butt off at this part: ‘He said he took care of my mom and gave me siblings and he put me through college (he didn’t).
He said if those things weren’t appreciated then why did he even bother.’
Aside from the lie about putting you through college which is pathetic of course, is he REALLY trying to claim he slept with your mother without protection, knocking her up several times for your sake and you should be grateful for that because that’s how that reads and oh boy that’s so freaking bizarre.” Academic-Cut-5045
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s weird how both he and your mother are trying to push this. If he’d come into your life when you were 7 and not 17 his feelings might make some sense.
It still would not entitle him to the position, though. Also, as you say, he hasn’t paid for anything.
I’m no expert, but from what I’ve seen most brides in your situation do exactly what you’re doing and have the next closest family member walk them.
My cousin had her brother walk her.
If your grandparents keep pushing it tell them respectfully that it’s your wedding. Maybe ask them why they feel so strongly about it. Also, please don’t feel bad if anyone tries to use your younger siblings to guilt you.
He’s not your father and whatever you’re mother owes him you don’t. Plain and simple.” JustFaithfulness
Unfortunately, these behaviors were indicative of a complete narcissist and he ended up abusive.
I dearly hope this isn't the case for your mom's sake. She is likely following along to not upset him. Just let her, and stick to your explanation of having already chosen your uncle.
Explain to him that it's nothing personal, but you have a long standing relationship with your uncle and you would like to honor that. Maybe do something special to make him feel included and that might placate him enough so that you can have your mom there.
8. AITJ For Borrowing My Wife's Car?
“So I live in an area that very rarely gets any snow. We got hit pretty bad by snow this winter and my truck is in the shop having its engine rebuilt.
I’m borrowing a 2wd car and my wife has an AWD Nissan. I’m a carpenter and off of bad luck a few of us at the site don’t have snow vehicles so we’re trying to coordinate carpooling.
My wife gets claustrophobic if she doesn’t have a vehicle available to leave (from prior relationships where men would take her car without asking). I asked to borrow her car to get to work and back (she’s a stay-at-home mom and has nothing planned).
She said that’s not an option and I need to figure out another way to work. I was pretty upset but brushed it off. I’m chancing it with my coworker in a 2wd car and if we get stuck we can try to push it.
For reference, we are legally married, share the same insurance, and she doesn’t need to go anywhere, she just isn’t comfortable not having a vehicle available. I’m 100% of our income and do need to work
AITJ for thinking my wife is unreasonable for not letting me borrow her car?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m thinking NTJ clearly. What you’re doing is finding the family, what she’s doing is running the household, a team effort.
You gotta get to work for the household to be solvent. Wish she would have been cool to drive you to work, cuz when it comes down to it frankly, no work, no $, no family security.
If your wife has a condition so bad she’s willing you not work so she can have a getaway vehicle, there are big problems that need to be discussed for the health of all of you.” Vera_Telco
Another User Comments:
“You need a reliable car to get to work. Your spouse stays at home and doesn’t need to leave for anything. Come on. She needs to speak to someone about her problems rather than making you put yourself at risk because she doesn’t accept that you should use a more reliable automobile in inclement weather.
NTJ” mmmmkay23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I, however, think you need therapy to help you understand and deal with why your self-esteem and self-worth are so low. It’s incredibly sad that you allow yourself to be treated this way by the one person who is supposed to be the most…
hmmm… decent, concerned, loving, kind, any one of a hundred, to you. Just, why? From someone who knows; life is too short.” OpportunityPerfect48
7. AITJ For Not Making My Grandson A Baby Quilt?
“I (56f) like to crochet. I like it a lot and do it on the side as a hobby and make a lot of stuff for my family and friends and pay for everything myself.
When my nephew told the family that he was going to be a dad we were surprised and delighted. I asked him if he and his SO picked out a name and they told me that it would be ‘Ian’ if it was a boy and ‘Sophie’ if it was a girl (fake names).
I secretly decided to make two blankets with each name on them and gifted them to my nephew and his family when I was finally allowed to see their son. They were delighted and it turned out that a neighbor of mine had also had a baby and decided to use the name ‘Sophie’ for their daughter so I just gave them the blanket.
When my daughter announced that she was going to be a mom I was excited and she loved the idea of me making her child a blanket too. My daughter waited until she knew the gender before telling me the name and I started making the blanket.
After that, a lot of the people in my family would come to me and ask if I would make them a blanket because of how well I made them. They offered to pay me but I refused and told them that this would be my gift to the baby and that all I ask is that they tell me what name they wanted months in advance so I could have plenty of time to make it as I still worked a full-time job and did this on my free time.
Last year my son’s fiancé announced her pregnancy and I was happy for them. I repeatedly asked for a name so I could start making the blanket since my son and his fiancé told me that wanted one and my son’s fiancé snapped at me and said that I’d get the name when I got it.
After speaking to my son, he and his fiancé decided to keep the name a secret until the baby was born so no one could steal it. I asked them how was I going to gift the baby a blanket with their name on it if I didn’t know what it was, and they said I could just do a rush job later.
Well, the baby was born and the name was announced on social media. I was happy and went to visit but my son’s fiancé was upset with me for not bringing the blanket when I first met my grandson as per tradition.
He was born on a Tuesday and I met him on Friday, and I worked every day that week. Apparently, my son’s fiancé was hurt that I didn’t care enough to take off work to rush the blanket.
I told them that I’d make a blanket soon but then when I tried my hands started to get in massive pain, I went to see the doctor and given my age and the cold weather I may be developing arthritis and was advised to not do a list of activities until further notice.
When I told my son and his fiancé and they were again upset with me so I just decided to buy a blanket and apparently, I’m a petty and passive-aggressive Mother-In-Law who’s punishing them for not being told the name when I first asked. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who feel entitled to gifts are jerks. You made the same offer you made to others. They decided that their agenda of keeping the name secret was more important. Lots of people who like to mess around aren’t so keen on finding out part of that game.
And now you have a potential disability that may prevent you from delivering a traditional gift. That’s no one’s fault, and if they make a stink about it, they’re even bigger jerks than they already are acting like.” Kthaeh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Homemade knit or crocheted blankets are a lot of work, and expecting you to complete one in three days is a sign of someone who has never knit or crocheted. Now you also have a legitimate medical issue that is causing you pain and you have been advised to not do crochet.
If you were crocheting other things in the meantime and just refused to work on the project at all because you didn’t know the name in advance, you would be the jerk. But under the circumstances you’ve described here, your son and DiL are being callous towards your health and unrealistic about how long homemade blankets take to make.” satelliteridesastar
Another User Comments:
“NTA. Keeping the name secret is totally their prerogative BUT expecting you to take off work and do a “rush” job to suit their needs is extremely selfish and entitled. No one is entitled to gifts, or another person’s labor so they are both major jerks for their attitudes.
The unfortunate thing is that the delay in telling you the name means you can no longer make the blanket because of your arthritis (sorry to hear btw). This is no one’s fault, it’s just bad timing.
Such is life. It’s unfair for them to belittle your pain and blame it on being a bad MIL. Have you done anything to your DIL to make her feel like you would be petty in this way?
Do some serious digging into your past interactions and behavior toward her. Usually, those types of feelings don’t come out of nowhere.
As a side note, my mom has arthritis in her hands and has found Cool Laser Therapy to be massively helpful.
Might be worth looking it up in your area.” manonaca
6. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Car Purchase Is My Decision, Not Hers?
“I purchased the vehicle just before my wife and I started going out, the first thing we did after getting married in 2014 was buy her a new car.
Before the birth of our second child, we ‘traded up’ and bought a 7-passenger SUV.
I have always earned 3-4x more than she had, and by this point, my wife had been a stay-at-home mom for 2 years, so the financial commitment rested entirely on my shoulders, and I was happy to do so.
Those immediately jumping to financial and emotional mistreatment, I haven’t and don’t. She went back to work in 2021 and is earning more than she ever has, I am incredibly proud of her.
3 days ago we discussed my wanting to replace my truck over dinner, and get it done before the new year (trying to get the best deal).
We also discussed the price, and what I wanted, it seemed well-received.
Last night I searched in bed right next to her for over an hour.
Today, when discussing this with my Dad, the three of us discussed options of electric vs PHEV (plug-in hybrid electric vehicle), my wife influenced the conversation and stated that she thinks PHEV is our best option for long trips (I drive to every major city within 3-4 hours of me two times a month and often have clients in my vehicle).
I agreed and mentioned that I liked a Lincoln, and wanted to try and test drive it this week. I showed my Dad the laptop, and she sits down and says ‘Let me see, it’s my vehicle too.’
I responded quickly with ‘ah I’ve bought you 2 new vehicles in the past 8 years, this car is for me.’ Ouch. She says ‘that was rude’ and makes herself busy to avoid confrontation until my dad leaves.
The second he left, I was told by her I am such a jerk who constantly belittles her and makes her feel insignificant. She then brings up every contribution she has made financially. I apologize for making her feel this way but recount the last few days, discuss some of the points above, and that this has nothing to do with being t*t for that or anything about money, but rather this is my car, it’s been 11 years, she’s had the last 2 new car purchases, and it’s my turn.
Our relationship has gone through some rough patches the past few years, we seem like we’re getting back to good, with a minor hiccup 2 days ago which we immediately discussed and resolved. Her reaction seems like it’s a bit much, I’m not sure if this is more about my 2 rude comments over the past 2 days, her being insecure about her financial footing, or if I’m just a huge jerk for feeling like it’s been 11 years, it’s my car, and as the main earner in the household that I should be able to get the car I want.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you overreact so hard to her saying that the vehicle is hers too (it is)?
Does she walk around saying ‘I’ve raised two children for you in the last seven years, this is my decision?’ because you’re not the only one who has been contributing just because you were the breadwinner, buddy.
She doesn’t seem to be demanding anything of the car or disagreeing with anything you want so it is weird and rude that you’re metaphorically hunched over it like a dragon on a hoard growling ‘it’s mine’.
You had every right to have input about the SUV, she has every right to have an opinion on the new car. Because you’re partners, remember?
YTJ because all she did was show interest and you’re being rude and territorial and making out like you’ve made more contributions than she has and it’s just all a bit much.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife was just showing enthusiasm and asked to see, everything you’d discussed so far you’d both agreed on, she hadn’t even tried to influence your choices – she literally asked to see it – and you shut her down rudely and belittled her in from of your dad.
There’s no real reason or justification for your comment – she hadn’t been trying to steamroll your choices, so what did you get over trying to claim ownership rather than show your wife what you wanted and share in the excitement together?” deadninbed
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She got one car with your shared money, then had to trade to a bigger one that’s probably more of a pain to drive and park, specifically so it could fit more kids.
You think she wanted 7 seats for herself?
If the money is entirely yours, then the made dinner, clean house, and happy kids are entirely hers and you have no right to them, besides what she generously bequeaths to you.
Think you have just as much right to the kids that SHE takes care of? Then she has just as much right to the money you make/the money you’ve made while she was at home watching kids so you could work.” misconceptions_annoy
You could have waited to express this after your father left, since she was obviously embarrassed, but her excitement was perfectly fine until her comment. I'd definitely apologize explain that you're happy and greatful that she has been so involved with this, but you were asking your dad's opinion, since you basically know hers, and her jumping in the way that she did seemed rude to you. You didn't mean to snap at her, and you appreciate her opinion this far but the end result is your choice and you wanted a second opinion.
5. AITJ For Not Teaching My Daughter How To Drive?
“I have a daughter (18) who currently has a driver’s permit, and is intent on learning how to drive.
The way it works in our state is that after 18 you must take the written test, and have your permit for a minimum of 30 days or a maximum of 6 months. She is currently in month 3.
However, recently she has had behavioral problems that I feel that needed to be addressed. For instance, she does not validate our concerns, is emotional, and is indifferent to our feelings. She does not have the best social skills and sometimes doesn’t smile at those who greet her at church.
She also has expressed not wanting to be around us on Christmas Eve because she has to go to work. She also is a bit prideful when we address her, and I feel like she needs to be more humble.
I expressed to her that if she does not change her behavior I will not continue to teach her to drive, even though her driver’s permit will expire soon. She has expressed to us that she rather have us take her phone because learning to drive is important to her, and her only chance at freedom.
I explained that respect is more important than learning to drive, and we are trying to work on her character. AITJ for the way I am disciplining her?
Edit: Whenever we talk to our daughter she immediately gets defensive and emotional. I told her that’s insecurity at its finest. Even if you disagree with your parents you have to remain respectful.
Being rude and indifferent is NOT a personality trait, being withdrawn is selfish. Because you’re only thinking about how you feel. Indifference/coldness will not be tolerated in my house. You must consider other people’s feelings.
She needs to learn to listen to criticism before she gets out into the world. She told me that she is nice to her friends, but again, selective kindness is not kind. If she wants to be rude, she needs to move out to do so.
Edit #2: when I reference humility it simply means being able to accept sound wisdom without feeling personally attacked. Which is a surefire sign of insecurity.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If I weren’t an ex-evangelical, I probably wouldn’t think anyone would actually try to parent like this.
Trying to keep your kids under your thumb is only going to backfire. You think depriving them of their freedom will teach them values, instead, it will teach them to lie and manipulate to get what they need from you and others.
And it will basically ensure they never learn to actually value your feelings because you have positioned yourself as an adversary and an oppressor. You must model compassion, respect, and humility to get it in return.” the-benn-experience
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re concerned because your daughter is ’emotional’ and ‘a bit prideful?’
Emotions are normal—they evolved in humans because they help us understand the world, just like thoughts and the five senses.
I’m guessing that the emotions you’re referencing are ones you don’t want to deal with. Maybe consider what she’s communicating with the emotions she seems to be experiencing. It’s probably something negative about YOU.
How is your daughter ‘prideful?’ Is it when she disagrees with you, has an opinion independent of yours, or demonstrates self-will?
So punish her for, like, being a person. She’ll figure out how to drive, get her license, motor out of your life, hopefully, while flipping you the double bird, and you’ll wistfully remember her every time you smile at someone in the church.” roar_more
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re one of the bigger jerks I’ve seen in a while.
You are trying to change her personality. You are telling her she isn’t good enough. You are going to, and probably already have, do massive damage to this poor girl.
Undo what you did. Quickly. Start listening to her. Understand that she’s an adult, and if you want to have ANY relationship with her in the future, you are going to need to start showing HER some respect.
Treat her like a person – I can’t believe I have to tell someone to treat their own child like a person – and not a possession.” Jerkin_Goff
4. AITJ For Ignoring My Neighbors Who Threatened To Call Animal Control?
“I (21f) live with my mom, who owns the house.
She stays home because of medical issues while I and my sister work to pay for the home. So she allows us to make the majority of the rules for the home.
Background Context: Our house is known as a ‘rescue/foster home’.
We’ve only had one dog foster who was extremely well-behaved and never barked. We mainly focus on bottle baby kittens, disabled cats, and random critters (bearded dragons, geckos) whenever our local shelter needs help.
We’ve been told by a certain neighbor that they think it’s amazing that we do what we do. We have four dogs in total. Two huskies (6 and 1), a bully mix (2), and a Newfie (4 months).
A lot, I know but we have a large yard.
On to the issue. When we let the dogs out, most of the time it’s the three younger ones. The older husky doesn’t like to be outside unless needed, so she comes in very quickly.
Our back door stays open when they’re out so we can listen for them. The neighbor kids like watching them play, so if they get too rowdy, one of us will go out and settle them down.
Since my mom stays home, there’s always someone listening for the dogs.
When the problems started, we were all upstairs, the three younger dogs were outside playing and the back door was open. My sister went out to get them for dinner and bed and our neighbor’s wife came out and began to yell at her along the lines of ‘I work overnight and your dogs are being way too loud!’
Sister- ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize they were getting loud. I was about to pull them in.’
Neighbor- ‘They’re yelping and whining all hours of the day! If this doesn’t stop, I’ll call animal control and tell them you’re unfit to have pets!’
Sister- ‘I didn’t hear any yelping or whining. We were right inside. I’m sorry if they were loud, but we do have huskies and they’re known for being a bit vocal.’
Neighbor- ‘I don’t care. If it doesn’t stop, I’m calling animal control.’
This was at 5 pm.
This was when my mom went out and talked to her, which I didn’t hear.
I was taking the boys to their kennels for food.
After talking to my mom about it, she wanted to put one dog out at a time. I told her I wouldn’t be doing that.
I looked up the quiet hours, they’re 10 pm-6 am. Our dogs don’t go out during those hours unless it’s needed and then it’s one at a time for a potty break and right back to bed.
The neighbors have gotten angrier and angrier that I refuse to make our dogs take turns going outside, but I honestly don’t care. Unless the wife was standing at the fence, listening for our dogs there is no way she would hear them and we wouldn’t when our door is open.
They also have two small dogs that have caused fence fights with our older dog because they are off-leash whenever they’re outside and they have no recall whatsoever. That may be what the wife is hearing, but I don’t know.
So, AITJ for ignoring what my neighbors want after they threatened to call animal control?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, I admire you and your family for fostering animals, I think it’s great and wish I had a bigger place to do it myself.
You are not legally obligated to cater to your neighbor’s needs/sleep schedule during daytime hours. The only thing I guess you could do to be more accommodating is to be on top of it when and if the dogs get too rowdy but even that is extending your own courtesy, which is not required of you.
Keep up what you’re doing for those animals, hope everything works out.” Vivid-Flight9115
Another User Comments:
“Kinda, yeah. YTJ. This is one of those stories where you slide by on the technicality that what you are doing is not illegal and can be attributed in some way to a good cause.
So if you were in court you would be not guilty.
That being said, you as well as everyone else in this world rely on night-shift workers. They are how you have food at your stores in the morning, they are the hospital staff that treats you during emergencies, and they are working on your roads at 3 am so that they can be open for the morning rush.
It’s pretty jerkish for you to dismiss her need for sleep just because she works a different grouping of 8 hours than you do. Sure, she could have been nicer. But few of us are when we are jerked out of the middle of sleep.
No one would expect that you could shush your dogs all day every day. But you could talk to her about limiting their outside activity to a few set hours a day. You could go outside with your dogs to interact with them and limit the barking desire.
You could do a lot of things other than shrug and say, ‘it be like that.’ At least she has fatigue to excuse her bad behavior. You just straight up don’t care that you could easily make a portion of someone’s day better.” SoloPiName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless it’s quiet hours you do not owe your neighbor anything. They can move houses if they want but hold your ground as they appear to be some entitled ones who want everyone else to walk on eggshells.
They can call animal control if they want to and most of the people working are aware of rogue complaints and love animals. So once they see what you have and with references from the rescue shelter, I am sure they would tell the neighbor not to bother them again.
Some people are just being unreasonable and there’s no need for you to back down or even engage with them. Tell them to get used to it next time they complain.” SPolowiski
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex See Our Daughter On Christmas?
“So I recently had a baby 8 weeks ago.
She is beautiful and perfectly healthy! This was a planned baby with my now ex. When we were still together we decided we wanted to have another baby together (we both have a kid from previous relationships).
Everything was going well and planned up until I was 10 weeks pregnant… he then sent me a random text letting me know he had been ‘seeing’ someone for about a week… obviously, I was livid and had a few choice words to say.
Safe to say he wasn’t around for any of the pregnancy after that. I had on more than one occasion extended an olive branch and tried to ‘co-parent’ but was met with empty promises and ‘I’ll see what I can do’.
Fast forward to my c-section date. I hadn’t spoken to him for around 4 months but being the person I am couldn’t not tell him when his kid was going to be born. Let him come see her at the hospital and have had an open invitation for him to see her, however.
It has been over a month since he has even asked to see her and he has spent less than 5 hours in total with her since she was born! Now normally I wouldn’t care but I constantly see posts from him on his Instagram spreading time with his son and the girl he meet when I fell pregnant.
He is now wanting to come and spend Christmas morning with us but I’ve told him that considering we haven’t been a priority at all that I don’t feel comfortable doing that.
I’d also like to note that he hasn’t helped out financially or emotionally at any point.
AITJ?
Update. I hadn’t heard anything from him since him initially asking to come around on Christmas.
Fast forward to 3 am today (Christmas Day in AUS) and he’s sent a message asking what time is good.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but you’re also playing into his excuses. Because let’s face it, he’s a deadbeat who clearly doesn’t care.
So barring some sort of miraculous transformation, he’ll always be that way.
And when your daughter is grown, she’s probably going to ask him why he was the way he was. And I can almost guarantee you that he’s going to blame you.
‘Your mom wouldn’t even let me see you on Christmas’.
It’s hard when you’re dealing with that kind of parent. But I say give him the chance, because in my opinion, it’s about fighting over permission, and he probably wouldn’t even show up if you said yes.
By the way, document all of this.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“Very much NTJ.
He got you pregnant after agreeing it’s what you both wanted and then had an affair? I know he admitted to a certain time, but it could’ve been longer.
It sounds like he didn’t actually want that.
You’ve been a saint during all of this trying to still include him. I assume that, like me, you feel as though your child deserves to know her father.
However, it sounds like he won’t be there for her if it’s difficult. So, take that for what you will.
I don’t know what the custody arrangements are or anything like that, but it’s worth documenting all of this.
If there aren’t arrangements, I would get some soon. Hold onto those texts, at least, that show where you tried to extend that olive branch, and nothing happened. If you have voicemails where he backed out, save those, too.
Those are recordings he implicitly consented to by the nature of a voicemail.
I say screw him. If you have a good support system in your family and friends and don’t need him, just get Child Support and limited visitation.
It sounds like that’s all he wants anyway.” Capt0bv10u5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, I do think for your daughter’s sake, you are right to keep the door open (unless he isn’t safe), and giving him an hour would be a nice gesture.
It hurts to be abandoned when you are pregnant and then to see him posting about his SO. It hurts that he doesn’t care to spend time with his daughter. However, sometimes fathers have a hard time if seeing their child means spending time with their ex.
I am sure he feels awkward and guilty around you even if he pretends not to.
You may find that in a few months, he sees more of her because he will be able to take her to his house for a time that doesn’t involve the tension of hanging around with you.
Enjoy this era when you don’t have to deal as much with him, and for the benefit of your daughter, use it to heal and work through your anger. If having an hour with her on Christmas would create a little goodwill, I think you should do it.
But if it’s going to cause you misery, interrupt family plans, etc, I don’t think YWBTJ to say, ‘No’.” Germane7
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Mom Anymore?
“My mom didn’t really work much when I was young. My dad made all the money and she would just do random side jobs where she would get paid in funds.
She mainly babysat other people’s kids or go to other people’s homes and take care of their kids while they worked. In middle school, my parents got divorced. So it’s just been me, her, and my younger sister.
She managed to get by with child support, food stamps, low-income financial help, and babysitting on the side.
My mom started gambling because her friends would boast about how they would go to the casino and win money.
I would help pay some bills by spotting her from time to time. However, she would ask me for money and then go to the casino with it, and when she would lose she would ask for more money.
This went on for a few years. I was young and stupid and trusted my mom. Eventually, she ended up maxing out credit cards, pulling out multiple loans and ended up taking out a home equity loan without my knowledge.
Once I finished college, I moved back home and got a job nearby. I helped with bills but this time I would only pay them if I saw the bill. I mainly paid online with my card.
Never giving her funds anymore. Fast forward to Oct 2020, the home equity loan matured, and she’s freaking out because she’s fixing to lose the house. It was $50k and she needed to pay back $53k.
She’s constantly crying and gaslighting me for money and now she wants me to take out a 50k loan to pay off this loan so she can keep the house. I had enough. I told her this is all her fault and that this is what she gets for listening to her friends.
So I ended up buying a house and moving out with my sister.
Well, she ended up selling the home and made enough profit to pay off the 50k loan and have money left over.
Eventually, she ended up spending all that money. She ended up finding a small cottage to stay at from a friend’s friend. She’s always begging me to let her come live with me and my sister.
I told her no for my sanity. My home is my happy place.
Nowadays she only calls when she needs money and says things like ‘How can you let your mom live like this’ or ‘I raised you all these years and this is how you treat me.’ My sister and I vividly remember her saying mean things to us when we were little.
She would say things like, ‘I wish you would hurry up and die so I don’t have to take care of you anymore.’ It’s just so upsetting because my mom used to be so good at saving money and paying the bills on time.
But it was because someone provided the money, not her making money. She’s been off and on with jobs at fast-food restaurants. She’ll only stay at them for 3 months and then quit. She refuses to work for Vietnamese people because they will ‘scam’ her even though she can communicate with them better.
I moved out of state for work, and she’s still calling and begging for money. She makes tons of excuses and asks for thousands of dollars. I love my mom but she’s literally my worst nightmare right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, not even a little bit. Please stop having guilt over this. You did way more than you should have, and you shouldn’t do another thing for her. Don’t let her pull the ‘but I’m your mother’ card because that’s nonsense.
That’s not how a mother should act. Instead of helping her with money, you should spend that money on some therapy so you can work through the trauma she no doubt caused you, and practice setting boundaries with people and stuff.
Although honestly, I think your best bet is to just go no-contact with your mother. Be grateful she didn’t screw you up worse and that you’re doing well in life, but recognize that she’s toxic and you’re not required to keep her in your life.
Best of luck.” miss_misery__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is an adult with no disabilities, most single mothers worldwide are able to work and provide for their children and still give them a decent upbringing.
It is not a child’s duty to provide for their parents throughout their whole life. Although caring for your parents once they are old and sickly is somewhat expected, taking loans and paying bunches of bills for your middle-aged parent is not normal.” Healthy_Composer_684
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even a little bit. Not only do you not owe her for raising you, but if you were to continue to financially support her through this it would just be enabling her.
She is an adult and it is completely reasonable that she be expected to care for herself. You do not owe her anything and prioritizing your own safety and well-being is not something you should feel guilty about, especially when there’s no indication that she will ever take steps to take care of herself if she can have someone else take care of her.” hannahkelli
1. AITJ For Saying My Brother-In-Law Is A Crappy Father?
“My (16F) sister (22F) and her (23M) husband have a son. My sister still lives at home because she doesn’t have a job. My mom makes me help with Jaden (their son) in order for me to do things.
For example, I get extra pocket money, permission to go out with my friends, and sometimes a later curfew for looking after Jaden when my sister’s busy or asleep.
So 3 days ago BIL’s family came over to watch the world cup.
I’m not interested in football so I was helping my mom cook when it started to stink like it smelled so bad. My mom said Jaden must’ve pooped and if I change it, I don’t have to help with cooking anymore (I didn’t mind helping cook but I went to change it anyway).
I said to BIL I needed to change Jaden and put my hands out. He backed up with the baby and told me to get lost and that his son needed to see his country win (their Argentinian).
I called him an idiot and told him that his 1-year-old son will never remember this but he’ll start crying even more if his diaper doesn’t get changed.
He started shushing me and I honestly lost it.
I said ‘Your such a trashy dad, by the time your son’s old enough to speak he’s gonna hate you because you don’t do anything. It’s a baby, He doesn’t care who wins the world cup, and he smells even more so just give me the baby’.
By that time Argentina had won, so he gave me Jaden while screaming with joy (waking my sister up).
I’m now grounded for 2 weeks for disrespecting my elders, cursing in front of my mom, and saying something out of line.
My sister, mom, and dad were all telling me I had no right to say that, it wasn’t my place to say that, and that I purposely tried to humiliate him in front of his family and my sister called me a witch and a flirt.
At the time, I thought I was in the right but I’m lost now. Maybe it wasn’t my business to say that but I honestly don’t know. So AITJ?
Edit: I didn’t ask him to change the diaper, I asked for the baby so I could change it.
Also, I know absolutely nothing about football, I didn’t know the game would be over in a minute. Also, I’m using my old phone they took mine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For now, it may help to start speaking up for yourself at the moment (before your anger gets the best of you and you get in more trouble.) Example: I would prefer to keep cooking, BIL can take care of the diaper when he has a minute.
When the smoke has cleared, talk to your parents about how you feel. It isn’t fair that you are being used as free child care in order to earn your own free time. If they don’t understand that – start preparing for a clean break.
Get a job close to home that gives you money, and an excuse to get out of the house. Save that money for a place to live as soon as you can move out.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your entire family sounds awful. Your BIL had the baby and was watching football with him and you could smell the baby had pooped from the kitchen, BiL could have changed the baby and didn’t, cheered so loud he woke your sister up and your mom expects you to babysit your nephew to be able to go out with your friends?
And if you call out anyone for their crappy behavior you get grounded and called a flirt? No. Nuh-uh.
Do yourself a favor and open your own bank account, start saving everything you can, and get your own place away from all of them.” ConfusionPossible590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP this is an abusive situation. Jaden shouldn’t be your or your mom’s responsibility to raise, his parents should take care of him. Sounds like your sister and her husband are using both of you as free childcare and your excuse for raising him would be you getting out of chores.
You are not responsible for your nephew’s well-being, nor should you be held responsible. Start making them pay for your services if they can’t do anything by themselves. Absolutely BIL is a crappy father.” Professional-Poet176
