People Explore Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
16. AITJ For Being The Reason A Guy's Crush No Longer Speaks To Him?
“(17f) I used to be close with “Fred.” (also 17m) I thought he was there for me, but I realize he wasn’t a real friend after some friend group drama. A girl “Ruby” (I think 16f) got mad because I wouldn’t let her copy an essay I wrote in freshman year.
Ruby said she needed it, and since we had different English teachers nobody would find out. I told her no because I wasn’t going to get in trouble too if she got busted. Ruby started to bully me by saying I was ugly and to give her my work since “It’s all your good for anyway.
Not as if you’d ever get a partner.” Fred told me that Ruby was being a jerk but he never said anything to Ruby. When Fred’s friend “Tim” (17m) started seeing Ruby, they both bullied me. Fred never stood up for me, and just acted like I didn’t exist if Tim or Ruby was nearby.
Fred just texted excuses about how he didn’t want to anger Tim or Ruby and “I can still hang out with you whenever they aren’t available.” I realized Fred wasn’t actually my friend. I told Fred he wasn’t a good friend and I only hang out with my real friends now.
School started this Monday for us. Before I stopped talking to him, Fred mentioned wanting to ask this girl “Molly” (probably 17f) to winter formal, but I never knew what she looked like. Fred only mentioned her to me a few times, so I forgot about it.
I was picking up textbooks during registration when Fred and this girl walk up to me. Fred tells the girl “Remember I told you about OP, M?” then asked me “How’s it going, OP?” I just ignored him and tried walking away, but he blocked my way and said “Why the cold shoulder, OP?
You haven’t texted all summer!” I told Fred “I stopped talking to you because you thought bullies’ approval was more important than standing up for me. I don’t have time for fake friends, Fred.” I got past Fred and left. Fred texted me later saying I was a jerk and that the girl with him was Molly.
And he had a chance to date Molly before but she isn’t talking to him anymore. And I ruined his chances by “exaggerating what happened.” I didn’t have Fred blocked before in case he wanted to apologize for not standing up for me, but now he’s blocked.
My friends and most of my family agree with what I did. They said I had no obligation to lie to make Fred look good and if he wanted me to tell people he was a good friend then he should have acted like one.
But my sister and cousin said I should have been the bigger person. Even though I didn’t know the girl was Molly, I should understand that most teenagers are as brave as me and it’s hard to stand up to bullies who are also your friends.
They also said if I stayed friends with Fred then he would eventually realize Tim and Ruby weren’t good friends and he’d be grateful to me for being a true friend. But I feel Fred isn’t my responsibility anyway and he screwed up his own chances with Molly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just spoke out about how you felt about him, and let it be after that. Fred sucks for not supporting you when you needed him or someone, and you just dropped him when you realized it.
Which, is usually better than causing more drama. When he wasn’t leaving you alone, you just gave him a blunt answer to his question.
You didn’t know who Molly was, and that’s his own issue to deal with- not yours.
Him putting this blame on you just shows where his priorities are. Also, the way he went a bit aggressive (blocking your walkway physically) is not okay in the slightest. It’s likely too Molly would’ve found out how he behaves anyway if they were gonna be together, so you probably did her a favor without realizing it.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are a very mature person for standing up for yourself and cutting out a friend who didn’t act like one. Also, he’s attempting to emotionally manipulate you and bully you into doing what he wants.
Good job! You’re definitely not in the wrong here. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean what people think it does. It basically is only applicable when it comes to mutually beneficial situations, where compromise will get both parties what they want, and being stubborn gets no one what they want.
It doesn’t mean letting bullies walk all over you. The number of people who coddle bullies and bad people and say “that’s just how they are” or “be the bigger person” is astounding.
All the stuff with Molly is teen drama; he’ll get over it, but man you handled it with such maturity.” Kosta7785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The advice from your sister and cousin is straight-up garbage. Fred is what’s called a fair-weather friend, only around when things are good and easy. Sadly during the teenage years, those who do the right thing are often ostracized and people want to hang with the”wrong crowd” because it’s edgy and rebellious.
Fred is a fake, hang on to your strong sense of character.” Interesting-End1710
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents That Me And My Partner Found A House?
“I’m feeling conflicted and very guilty right now.
I 26F haven’t really lived with or depended on my parents since 17, so on my own mostly (I have a partner) for 9 years.
I moved out of my home state for complicated issues I could get into for context but I don’t think are really pertinent. I haven’t lived in my home state for about 6 years, and at one point had a plan of moving back to spend time with my grandparents and younger cousins as they age.
This kind of put my parents in a “finally, she’s coming home!” mindset, but between the time I was looking for a place in my home state and now, I landed a job I really love and my partner and I decided to stay here.
I’ve mentioned to my parents that I’m looking for a permanent residence in this area and that I’m applying for loans and doing home inspections but they don’t really get that I’m actually buying a house here and will stay.
It seems like my mom specifically is in denial.
I feel like they’re (or at least, she is) silently hoping things fall through so I eventually move back and try to start again somewhere else.
I told them a couple of times about inspections going badly and her response was literally “well it’s because you’re looking in the wrong state.”
I’m conflicted because my mother takes disappointing news very badly. She’ll cry for days, tell me I don’t love her, and be depressive or will harp on me the next time we speak for making whatever decision I made that she doesn’t like.
She recently called me and told me I could tell her anything, and she wished that I would talk to her more. I told her it was because I don’t have much going on to talk about besides work and house hunting, to which she said I should just come home.
My partner told his parents about finding a place and they congratulated us and told us they were really proud. Honestly, it made me tear up. If I told my parents, I fear that they will rag on me for not coming home.
I guess part of this is me avoiding disappointment when they don’t tell me they’re excited or happy for us.
I know this is a milestone that is usually shared with parents, and I know my parents are different people from when I was younger but I find myself still agonizing over telling them.
Should I******* up and share this with them despite hurting their feelings?
AITJ if I wait a while before telling them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not fair, but adult children of parents who are emotionally stunted get robbed of so many milestones.
Can’t share good news, can’t share bad news, can’t even laugh over a bad haircut. It’s always whipped up into a three-act drama, and it’s exhausting. I’m sorry you are missing out, I can relate. I’m not your mom, but I am A Mom, and I’m super proud of you!
I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished, and that you’re building a good foundation for yourself and your future. If I were there I’d bake a cake for your housewarming.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ inability to deal with the fact you are a grown adult whose priorities and vision for your life may not necessarily line up with what they want or think you should do is not your problem to solve.
If your mom complains you don’t tell her what’s going on in your life, either tell her that’s because she’s made it abundantly clear she’s not going to be happy with what you have to say and you don’t appreciate the resulting guilt trips (and be prepared to tell her “see, this is exactly what I’m talking about; I love you, but I’m not doing this” and hang up when she turns on the waterworks), or just go ahead and change the subject.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would wait until an offer has been accepted, tell them happily that you got a house, and then don’t let yourself get trapped on the phone listening to manipulative badgering. They can be disappointed, but it’s not your responsibility to be the place for them to vent those feelings with no boundaries.
This is an exciting life event and it’s fair to set down a boundary that you’re not going to listen to all that. It doesn’t need to be mean or dramatic, just a simple “I can tell that you’re disappointed and upset.
I’m going to get off the phone so you can process those feelings and we can talk later. I hope you will be able to be excited for me at some point. I love you, goodbye.”” Reddit user
14. AITJ For Getting A Separate Hotel Room From My In-Laws?
I mean, it makes sense, right?
“I (F20) am going to my husband’s basic training graduation in 11 days. My mother and father-in-law along with my sister-in-law (F15) are going with me. It’s a 10-hour drive, we are taking my car because I have a nicer car.
They wanted to stay in a certain hotel. So I booked a room for me and my husband to have some “private” time. My in-laws’ plan was for me to share a room with my sister-in-law, but I don’t really want to because I prefer privacy & being alone.
So I paid and got my own room so I can have privacy and so I can make an excuse for time together with my husband. My mother-in-law and father-in-law were taking way too long to book the rooms so I told them to please book their rooms soon.
(I booked at their hotel of choice so they would still be where they wanted.)
When I booked, I told my mother-in-law & my mother-in-law called me to say she was gonna wait to book. I told her to please not wait any longer as rooms were very limited and I had booked mine & did not want to drive to wherever they ended up at because they waited. For context, it is not a financial reason they wanted to wait; it’s because she wanted to call to book instead of using their website.
Upon me saying “ok well I have booked my room at the place y’all said you were booking at.” She immediately got upset with me and said we needed to talk Sunday because now their daughter will be sleeping in their room instead of the room with me & it’s not fair to them.
I feel bad I plan to take time with her son from her and privacy with her husband away if my sister-in-law is in their room, but I haven’t seen my husband since June.
My father-in-law immediately called the hotel as I was talking to mother in law and found out I booked their only available deluxe king suite room, which she then said she wanted the deluxe room.
I told her I booked first & my husband deserves the best place to have a nice shower and relax for a bit after a meal all together. I don’t plan on keeping him from them the whole family day only maybe an hour or two just to see each other one on one.
There are still other king rooms available just not suites…
Personally, I feel I could be the jerk because now I’ve ruined her time off with her husband and am kinda being selfish wanting time with mine & taking time with him away from them for a few hours.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a married couple and you (as a couple) should never share a bedroom or hotel room with anyone except your own minor children. Were they planning for your husband to sleep with you and your SIL in the same room?
Your in-laws have insane ideas of what’s appropriate, they sound as though they’re in complete denial that your husband may WANT to do the deed with you after a long absence. Stand your ground. (I also agree the hotel was very wrong for letting that info spill.
I’d complain to corporate).
Edit to add, this is very controlling on their part. You’re off to a good start setting strong boundaries: booking your own room and choosing your own room. That MIL is now throwing a fit over not being able to have the suite is a tell-all that she just wants you in your place while she gets what she wants, even if she didn’t know she wanted it until YOU had it.” Active_Sentence9302
Another User Comments:
“So your parents-in-law wanted privacy even though they live together, and yet, they wanted to prevent you and your husband from having any privacy by sticking their daughter in your bedroom…even though you haven’t seen each other in ages.
Your MIL doesn’t want you getting romantic with her little boy. That’s the problem.
Their reason for delaying doesn’t make sense. They wanted to call? Weird. Also, when they finally did call, they still didn’t book.
Sounds to me like you can’t win with this MIL:
-wants to throw a blocker into your bedroom life so you and your hubby can’t have any conjugal time.
-knew you had booked a room, but delayed booking theirs so that they could complain about the room you did book.
It was too (insert BS reason) or (other bs reason).
NTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Why is it selfish to want to spend some quality time with your husband? Essentially, you have boundaries and kept them and they didn’t like it.
I’m not sure if I missed it, but if you didn’t, you could’ve had a conversation with them about why you wanted a separate room, to be alone, your privacy, and quality time with your husband. It might have avoided some of the situation.
On the same note, you don’t owe them an explanation. If they choose to allow this to ruin their time with their son, that’s their choice, and it’s not on you.” Sir-BananaPants
13. AITJ For Kicking A Family Member From My Wedding Because Of Her Kids?
She can’t say she wasn’t warned… more than once.
“So I had a wedding recently, we had less than 100 people. Because of venue restrictions and the fact that our wedding would have tripled in size with kids, we decided to have an adult-only event. Since it was meant to have 0 kids, the venue wasn’t all that safe: candles all over the table, a ton of drinks/intoxicated people, and stairs without a kid guard.
We paid for an Airbnb and babysitter for all of the family kids that were offsite but nearby, BUT we told one family member, let’s call her Kara, she would have to arrange her own babysitting if she wants to come since her kids are WILD (can provide more info on this if needed, but it would make this post too long),
So on the wedding day, Kara shows up with her 2 kids because her “babysitter canceled.” No idea if that’s true, but on the off chance it was, I didn’t want her kicked out. I had my mom explain the dangers of the reception venue and that she’d have to keep a really close eye on her kids.
She agreed so I forgot all about it.
Fast forward to later in the evening, Kara races up to me with her oldest kid in tears and tells me he fell down the stairs. I’m a nurse, so I take a look at him and tell her he seems fine, but she NEEDS to keep a closer eye on both kids.
Then not even 30 minutes later, she comes up to my husband and I with her youngest. She stuck her hand in the flame of a candle and burnt her hand. I’m pretty intoxicated and over dealing with her crap, so I walk away to find my mom who is also a nurse so she can deal with her.
My husband is a family doc, so Kara expected him to help while I was gone. According to my husband, he politely but firmly explained that intoxicated people can’t provide proper medical care and that she needed to take her kid home and treat the burn or if she wants it properly looked at to go to the emergency room.
She took that as him telling her to leave and was gone by the time I came back.
Cue the crap show the next day, Kara is going off in the larger family chat posting pictures of the burn. She texts me demanding I come to her house to treat her daughter the morning after my wedding.
I told her to buzz off which caused even more drama.
AITJ here? Should I have gone over to look at the burn in person? Now that the wedding craziness has passed, I do wish I had helped since it isn’t either of the kids’ faults they were hurt.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You knew what she was like as a parent, you knew her kids were ‘wild’, you knew that the venue was not child friendly never mind child safe and you were not confident she was not lying about her missing babysitter, she was told she had to make her own arrangements because her children acted up.
All the other children were together and hers were not, they were left out. So with ALL of the background information you have on this family, WHY did you think her agreeing to keep her children close and under control was EVER going to happen?
Now even with me saying all this, she was COMPLETELY WRONG in so many ways, turning up to a childfree wedding with her children, not keeping a close eye on them, and allowing them to hurt themselves at the danger points that had previously been pointed out to them and I am sure they bothered people and made noise and fuss.
She was basically not a good parent or wedding guest that day. Then she topped the bill by expecting medical treatment from not only the Bride and Groom but intoxicated medical professionals!!
She was wrong in a million ways that day I am sure, but you SHOULD HAVE TURNED HER AWAY when she turned up with her children and none of this would have happened. I bet you agree now that the hassle you would have got for turning them away pales into insignificance compared to the crap storm you’ve got now hey.
Too many people do what she wants to shut her up, don’t we see this all the time, agree with her so as not to get her wrath, you’ve already got it so stand up for yourselves, I would, I mean how much worse can it get?” Fun-Attorney4071
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You clearly stated it was a child-free wedding and she bought her children anyway. I find it hard to believe her babysitter “canceled,” and she probably intended to bring them along the whole time. she did a crappy job of looking after her own children and then had the nerve to blame it on you.
She sounds entitled and you should limit contact with her. You don’t deserve her ruining your wedding and tarnishing your image to your family.” hardlypatient
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her no kids, but she brought them anyway.
You told her the venue was not safe for children, she didn’t care. You told her to watch her kids closely, and she couldn’t be bothered, even after the first one fell down the stairs. Then, she was told that to get medical treatment, she needed to go to the ER because the doctor in the house had been drinking & should not be treating anyone.
Now she’s creating drama by twisting things around and basically lying.
You don’t need that crap. SHE was responsible for watching her kids, you were busy with your wedding. You owe her nothing.
You might want to give a short summary to the rest of the family about what actually happened if you think it would do any good, but I’d go NC with Jars.
She’s an entitled drama queen that’s looking to get other people in trouble.” SirMittensOfTheHill
12. WIBTJ For Kicking Out My Roommate For Making Me Accomodate Her Anxiety?
“I (19F) moved into a college townhouse a few weeks ago and now share a room with S (18F).
Context: S has serious anxiety about school and asked me to essentially leave the room whenever she needed it. She has asked me not to talk to her when she comes back from classes or else she can’t study, and complete silence in the room when she does study from 1-7 or 5-10 (she doesn’t want to study anywhere else), and for every light to be turned off when she goes to bed at 11.
I’m not loud but I can’t possibly do anything in the room when S is there so I have to sit in the common/living room until she’s done. It wasn’t enough for her though as S ghosted the apt for a week then I got an email from the townhouse director asking for a meeting with us.
During this, S listed out everything she wanted me to do, the above and more like keeping my area as neat as hers. I just said that I wanted a space where I can sleep late and play video games.
When the director asked us if we could compromise, I said I had been and that it wasn’t enough. S said that she isn’t willing to compromise on her sleep, study, and mental health so this wasn’t going to work for her.
After more bickering, we were sent home to sleep on it. Later that week, we talked it through and agreed on a schedule so she could have a few days to study.
Last night S came back to sleep here and asked me to leave at 11, which I did.
Turned off all the lights – even in the hallway – and sat downstairs for an hour. Later, I went back to the room thinking she was asleep, but she wasn’t and I had to go back down for longer.
At 4, I was tired so I went back and the opening of the door woke her up. I quietly said sorry and tried to go to sleep but didn’t until 6. I woke up at 9 realizing I’m in no state to go to class so I emailed my prof and went back to bed. When I woke up at 1:30, S told me that I’m being really inconsiderate of her time and that I shouldn’t have overslept as she had to put her day on pause.
S wanted to style her hair and our bathroom has no outlet and she didn’t want to do it downstairs. I told her I didn’t sleep well and didn’t mean to offend her but S fired back saying she didn’t sleep well either since I kept waking her up so I had no excuse.
S pointed out that I needed to have a schedule like hers so I wouldn’t wake up when she’s busy (I’m a very light sleeper) and made a fuss about not being able to turn the lights on. S then threatened to go back to the director again to make a contract so I could be more courteous to her.
So, I went to the director today. After telling her the above, she recommended that I move out and gave me a few options, all requiring more finances or rooming with several more people.
I feel like this is incredibly unfair to me, I’ve been trying to compromise for her but it always isn’t enough and I have to move.
I asked my friends, and they all say that I should tell her to leave as she is the one having issues. Yet, I feel like I’m being rude and selfish.
WIBTA?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH / nobody sucks here.
My reasoning is as follows.
She is bananas level of controlling believing that you need to change to her schedule… Study when she studies, sleep when she sleeps, keep mum at strange hours during the day, and that she can just kick you out for 4-5 random hours of the day every day of the week.
Bananas.
You are also a jerk because you be up to crazy hours of the morning and playing video games until all hours of the night in a shared room. So much so that you skipped class to do so.
Like it’s not that you’re not allowed to go to bed at 11 pm, you just can’t be up making lights and clicking clakey noises until 5am. And you prefer to play a constant com chatter multiplayer game. So you’re not just on your computer silently.
You’re making hecka noise. Which is bananas. Like seriously, you can’t expect other people to be lights and clicked clacky-friendly at all hours of the night.
You both operate on completely opposite schedules and while you’re willing to do some compromising, (she’s also trying not to wake you up by being all noisy during your sleep time since you’re a light sleeper; you’re just avoiding the room).
In combination, you making the RAs and housing director all sorts of exhausted because neither of you can figure out what the word compromise actually means… Which is that neither of you get what you want and you both******* up.
I guarantee her moving out was proposed as well and just like you, she said nope I’m not paying cause my roommate is a jerk.
So here is the deal. Offer to split the cost of her move. Ask that she split the cost of your move.
Or both of you sit down and be reasonable.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! This girl may have anxiety, mental health issues, whatever, but that doesn’t give her the right to negatively impact your life. You’ve been willing to compromise and been incredibly accommodating (more than I would be) and she hasn’t moved an inch.
It’s your room just as much as it is hers.
My best advice is to STOP being so accommodating. She doesn’t deserve anything more than the basic good manners any roommate does. Live your life on your schedule. She doesn’t make the rules and it seems she refuses to compromise, which is a HER problem, not a YOU problem.
Shame on the director for suggesting that you move. Don’t move. Don’t adjust your life to her schedule. Don’t follow her commands. She’s not entitled to any of those things. You’re not being selfish, SHE IS.
Do you. Her parents need to deal with her and she clearly can’t live with other people.
You’re good. Stand your ground, sleep until you have class, play your games, and live your life. She can deal or she can move out.” dresses_212_10028
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been very accommodating. Has the Director given you a choice as to who has to move?
It sounds like she is only giving you those moving options and not your roommate. I think you need to get clarity that you are the only one being asked to move. If so I would just leave and find a better roommate.
Ask the Director to find you a room at the same cost or you won’t move and file a complaint over the Director’s head. Might be time to get your parents involved.” exchefknifesbs
Not that you're blameless, mind you, but not even God could live with the strictures she imposed on you. She has serious issues and the director isn't acknowledging them . I'd demand another meeting to plead your case fully.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Associate With Our Other Brother?
“Long story short, Rick is a narcissist. He has stated multiple times that he hates me as a person and believes I am a horrible human.
There has never been a clear cause to why he sees me that way.If I say “I’m tired” he’ll go on a tirade relating it to how he thinks I’m a horrible mother and wife.
Everyone in my family, including my parents, tip-toed around Rick.
He says these vile things and isn’t afraid to hit below the belt; he does this with everyone but it’s specially bad with me. He has this unique ability to completely forget whatever he said when he was angry and deny it even happening.
I have remained cordial with him mainly because of our kids and I never wanted to be the reason our family was divided.
A few months ago he had a horrible outburst directed at me which lead to everyone (including other members in the family) having to leave the house immediately and my SIL trying to calm him down.
After that, my husband and I decided there was no healthy way of continuing a relationship with him. I made it clear to my SIL that she and the kids are always welcome to our home but I no longer felt safe near him.
She told me that it was unfair to keep his own family (my kids) away from him and that as long as I was on no-contact with him, she wouldn’t maintain a relationship with me either. This hurt since I’ve always been close to her and have been there for her when she was the subject to his maltreatment.
After a lot of thinking (and therapy) I realized that it hurt when I saw my other siblings continue their relationship with him. I had a conversation with my youngest brother (23) and he said he has no problem with cutting Rick out of his life until he seeks help.
I’ve discussed the situation with my parents (who are quite passive).While they don’t love the idea that I’m going no-contact with him they definitely understand my reasoning and are supportive of it (I think part of this is that they feel like I could actually get physically hurt by this guy one day).
Now on to Jared, he and I have always gotten along (minus the normal sibling fights) and he recognized that Rick is abusive (as Jared has also been subject to the maltreatment), however he doesn’t seem to mind it as much and has been maintaining a normal relationship with him.
Jared also relies on me financially and has been living on one of my properties (rent-free). I explained to Jared that by him continuing to act as if everything is normal is extremely hurtful as this is someone who has caused me significant pain and trauma.
I also added that so long as he continues a relationship with him, he can no longer live on my property. Jared thinks this is extremely unfair and that I am holding his financial situation against him.”
Another User Comments:
“OK, So NTJ for cutting contact with Rick. He clearly has some issues that need resolved. And you have every right not to associate with someone who makes you feel unsafe. Sometimes it takes tough love of saying enough is enough to make people realize that their behavior is unacceptable and his selective memory for the crappy things he says and does is no longer an option.
BUT – As for Jared, while it seems unhealthy for Jared to maintain contact with him, is he really OK with his brother’s behavior as you’ve implied, or is that your view of it because he won’t cut contact as you wish?
And you don’t find anything controlling on your end with threatening his housing for failing to comply with your wishes?
End of the day, it’s your house to rent to whomever you with, so as long as you follow the correct eviction process and feel comfortable with your choice, it’s your decision.” justtired2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can go NC all you want but you can’t force and bribe others to go NC, you can tell them you won’t go to an event he is also invited and that you don’t want him knowing about you and your kids and vice versa But you can’t stop others from having a relationship with him, my mother was terrible to me and I went NC 5 years ago, My family didn’t though, so I didn’t cut them out but I did go LC with my siblings however most my family I went NC with as they didn’t respect my boundaries and kept talking about her and every time she was mentioned I had a full blown panic attack, but my siblings respected my boundary and 5 years later they still have not brought her up to me and they still see her,… You can’t Punish your family for having a relationship with him however boundaries are a thing.” aniexty1994
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the clincher for me: you are willing to maintain a relationship and contact with Rick’s wife and kids despite the wife remaining his wife and living with him but you aren’t willing to maintain a relationship with your other brother because he won’t write off his brother for you?
If this was about cutting off contact with all Rick’s contacts then his wife should have been the first you scratched off your contact list. Instead, she is the one going NC with you. It’s almost as if you’re taking it all out on the brother who hasn’t harmed you.
There is a clear double standard here and you are being a bully toward Jared. Kick him out of you want, that’s your right. Go NC with everyone if you want. It’s your choice and it should be respected just as you should be respecting other people’s choice to maintain contact.
You can’t force him to cut ties any more than he can force you to maintain ties. YWBTJ if you forced others to live their lives according to your choices rather than letting them make their own choices.” XiaraDexter
10. AITJ For Acting Bitter Towards My Dad For Not Including Me In A Family Trip?
“I (15F) live with my mum however have always maintained a close relationship with my dad (49M). Three years go he began with a woman (38F) who has two kids (11M and 7M). I have never liked this woman or her children but have always tried to be civil with them for the sake of my dad’s happiness.
Since they began seeing each other, they have split up about three or four times, and each time they break up, my dad insists he hates her and that he won’t get back together with her, but time and time again, I discover that they are back together.
The most recent time they split was due to the fact that she doesn’t try to include me in anything and has never in three years tried to make an effort with me but a little over a month ago my dad reveals to me that they are going to a festival together just the two of them as they had won the tickets when they were still together and they were non-refundable; fine whatever, cool.
I come to find from social media that her two children have also gone on the trip so I call my dad and am upset that he didn’t tell me that they were going too and he continues to tell me that he didn’t not tell me they were coming but he realises that he didn’t tell me they were either.
The next week he accidentally lets slip that they are in fact back together and it was in fact a family holiday.
Last week my dad told me that he would be joining his chick, her kids, and a few other families they know on a vacation to Egypt.
I asked him how this came to be and he told me that the trip was already booked and now that he and his partner were back together they told him that he could join them as there was enough space in the room they had booked. This seems like yet another lie as he would have to book a plane ticket, get a larger room and tell the hotel that he was coming too among other things and he can’t just be ‘tagging along’, it doesn’t work like that.
I feel as though him telling me he was just tagging along as there was one extra space is just an excuse as to why he won’t bring me with them. I have been visibly upset and icing him out for the past week but despite a few side eyes from him he hasn’t mentioned it.
I feel justified in being angry at my dad but my nan thinks I am being a brat by being rude when he’s “done nothing wrong.” Am I the jerk?
For context I have never been on vacation with my dad anywhere and I am just upset that he is taking someone else’s children on this experience before he has me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your father needs to open his eyes. This woman is clearly manipulating him to push away his daughter. If they just broke up for her not including you in things and the first thing they do when they get back together is take a vacation without you then he is part of the issue as well.
If he is playing stepdad with this woman’s children on vacation and not wanting his own daughter to experience Egypt as well then that is on him. He could have advocated for you going, but to save face with a woman he didn’t invite you.
The fact they have also broken up a few times tells all, they should probably STAY broken up. Your dad should look for someone who understands that his child comes before all. Someone who looks out for you as well as your dad.
You have every right to be angry.” givingadvice1256
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ, but not because they didn’t take you on this particular trip.
You said you “never liked this woman or her children”. That undoubtedly comes across in your interactions with them.
And you live with your mom full time.
So it’s not a surprise that you wouldn’t be invited on an international trip which your father’s girl arranged and only added your father to after they got back together. They don’t even need a bigger room, since the father can sleep in the same bed as his girl.
I, too, was in a similar situation growing up, and not invited on many trips my bio-father’s family went on. Because I didn’t live with them and only saw them a couple times a year.
But the reason you’re not a jerk while your father is a jerk is because (1) he lied to you, and (2) you said he has never taken you on a vacation ever.
That’s not cool.” witcher_rat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- you’re not entitled on going on a trip your dad is going on with his girl and two sons.
Imagine you were going with your mom and your dad’s partner’s sons asked to tag along.
It sucks you couldn’t go, but it’s a vacation with his (partner and kids) family not your (your mom/dad/you) family.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your feelings are valid and your nan is absolutely wrong.
As for your dad, I think when he gets back from Egypt you should have a very frank conversation with him, tell him how his exclusion and his lies, even by omission, are hurtful. If you don’t feel comfortable with confronting him like this, maybe you could do it in a letter.
Once you’ve said your piece, it’ll be up to him to fix things, if he doesn’t then that’s his choice, but you owe him nothing. Trust is earned and he has broken yours repeatedly.
Also, if you feel like you need help processing your feelings regarding this situation, talk to your mom and see if she can arrange some counselling for you.
I wish you all the best!” hetanos
9. AITJ For Refusing To Fix A Poor Friend's Car For Free?
“I’m a fully qualified mechanic. Over the years I’ve worked on friends’ cars for free, they just pay for the parts. For smaller things such as oil changes I do it with no expectation of getting anything in return, but for larger jobs works as a barter-type arrangement: eg I’ll fix my friend’s car and he’ll do electrical work on my house.
We try and balance things so one person isn’t benefiting more than anyone else.
We have a friend from Church. She’s a single parent of three, and is low-income, below the poverty line. I’ve done work on her vehicle such as brake pads and rotors, coils and spark plugs, alternator replacement, wheel bearings, fitted new tires, oil and oil filter changes, air filter, etc. All small jobs I could fit in without giving up too much time.
I’ve never asked her for anything in return.
Recently she came to me about new work. Unfortunately, her engine is at a point where it basically needs to be rebuilt. She was quoted around $5-6000 for the job, which is fairly accurate for the work that needs to be done.
Around 1/2 of this cost is just for the labor.
She asked me to do it if she paid for parts and I said I’d think about it. I talked to my wife, and she said it was up to me to decide but to make sure I wasn’t being taken advantage of.
I spoke to the friend and let her know that I wasn’t able to commit to the job for nothing (it’s about 20 hours’ worth of work), but I’d do it for half the labor cost, and if she was willing to use second hand/refurbished parts, I could get the cost down to around $3,000.
She cried. She said she can’t afford such costly repairs and she needs the car to drive her kids around. I said she could pay off the cost to me, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted I do the work for free because she was a friend in need, and the church teaches us to be kind and help each other out.
She must have mentioned it to others because a few people have expressed how disappointed they are in me for refusing the request and trying to take advantage of her.
I feel really bad. I know she struggles financially and the church has helped her a lot in the past with food parcels and bills etc. She really cannot afford to fix her car.
I’m wondering if I should just let it go and fix it anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a disabled mom to 3 children, I understand poverty, and it sounds like you have been a blessing to this woman. However, it sounds like she is trying to take advantage of you.
She should be willing to try to come to an agreement with you. You offered her half the price, and that is awesome. I also understand that it is still expensive, but you even say that you have used bartering systems with people before.
I am sure that if she had just been willing to cooperate with you, she could have figured out a way that you would have been satisfied. She is not entitled to free auto repair. She has just met a kind person who knows about it.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but your wife is right. Don’t let yourself be guilt-tripped or taken advantage of. Also, if you want a Christian perspective, you have been more than what most true Christians would be, so you are not going against God’s message to stand up for your own needs as well.
You are showing your neighbor as much love as you can. You just aren’t receiving much love back.” GuardEnvironmental83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People genuinely in need are thankful for the help they get. You even offered to let her make payments if she didn’t have the funds.
Nothing will do for her but free. Her trying to guilt you using church doctrine is another red flag that you are being skillfully pressured into doing something that will cost you a huge amount of time and finances.
She said she can pay for the parts, but she can’t make payments?
Or is she not planning on paying for the parts, either?
Despite much help from the church and public programs available for low-income families, she still needs $5-6,000 more help from private individuals in the church? No one has a beater car she could use sitting in their driveway?
No one is willing to help her finance or find a better-used car? There are used cars available for far less than $5,000.
It’s sad people count on someone’s goodwill and religious values to pull a classic scam, but it happens all too often.
If you want to be generous, ask the pastor to have the church foot the bill for the parts and then you’ll supply labor as you can take time from work. Or figure out the cost of parts and labor, and let the pastor know that’s your collection plate contribution/tithe to the church for X months/years.
That way you’re not out thousands of dollars when this person can’t pay what she’s promised – or her car breaks down yet again before she’s paid you, or she has yet another emergency.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“Oooooooooooh, church guilt.
NTJ
Being a Christian is true that you should be nice to your fellow humans, no matter the creed, color, status, etc… but you should also not expect people to do things for free for you all the time. She is being unreasonable.
She could ask the church to assist with the payment to you but that you get confirmation from the church if they will be willing – do not take her word for it. Some churches can help with things like that for those in need.
You are an awesome human being that has helped many with your skills. Do not let others use you and your good generous nature. That is not Christianly.
Good luck.” True-Tomatillo-4720
8. AITJ For Turning Down A Big Job Offer Before Telling My Partner?
It’s not exactly her call whether or not he takes a certain job.
“So a little bit of background – six years ago when I was 18, I moved across the country from my home state to take up a really good job opportunity. It was a very well-paying job, especially for an 18-year-old, and my salary has increased gradually over the years to the point where I now earn a very high salary (mid-six figures).
I am now very settled over here with a really close and large friend group and recently bought my first house a few months ago. I have also been with my partner for almost 9 months now and we have been living together for the majority of the time.
Several weeks ago I got presented with a very attractive job offer for a job in my home town paying almost double my salary. I know the logical response is to take the offer, but I am already earning more than enough doing a job that I enjoy so much it doesn’t even feel like work.
I love my life here and finally feel settled. I didn’t want to risk jeopardizing any of that just for a higher salary when I’m fine as is, so I declined the offer.
I didn’t mention it to my partner because there was never really a point where I felt that I was going to take the offer.
She found out about it a couple of days ago when my mum bought it up in passing over dinner and got furious at me for not discussing it with her before making the decision. She berated me for giving up a “huge opportunity for us” and kept going on about how she must mean nothing to me if I couldn’t discuss major life decisions with her.
At the end of the day this decision was about MY life only. I pay for everything in the relationship and don’t ask her for anything in return. Of course, I would have discussed with her if we had been together for longer but where we are in our relationship I don’t feel like we’re at the point where life-changing decisions about my life and my job should be influenced by her, especially when this is a decision I had no second thoughts on.
My family are telling me I’m a jerk for not even bringing it up to her, but in my mind, there was no point in letting her mull over what could have been or try and convince me to take it when I was never going to take the opportunity in the first place.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Together nine months and you pay for everything in the relationship? She thinks she should have a say in your career decisions?
NTJ. She is not your wife, nor any legal partner. You’re not obligated to run any decisions you make regarding your career by her.
Honestly, it’s very concerning that she said you gave up a “huge opportunity for us” when you are NOT married, are NOT engaged, and have been together for less than a year.
I don’t like hopping on the Reddit breakup train, but I’d consider what you’ve signed up for in this relationship.
She’s effectively guilt-tripping you and your family for not giving her decision-making power in a VERY young relationship.
Have a conversation with her about boundaries, and let her know that if/when the relationship reaches engagement, marriage, or simply a longer period of time you absolutely plan to include her in these decisions.
For now, while you understand she may be hurt to not have known about a big event in your life, her opinions don’t trump yours when it comes to your career.” CoconutChai73
Another User Comments:
“ESH (though soft on your part.) I find it a little strange you didn’t at least mention it to your girl.
But look at your girl’s reaction. It wasn’t “wow, I’m a little hurt, apparently, we aren’t in the same place with how we view this relationship.” Instead, it was, “why did you turn down this great opportunity for US?” That sounds like the only thing she cares about is the finances.
OP there’s a reason you didn’t want to bring it up to her. Perhaps, deep down, you knew she was going to try to strong-arm you into taking because all she’d see were the dollar signs. Think very carefully about your relationship.” Sneezydiva3
Another User Comments:
“Ytj. Here’s why. You specifically DID NOT bring it up to here because you didn’t want her input. It wasn’t that you forgot. It was that you knew she would try to convince you and you wanted to avoid the confrontation.
(We catholics call this a sin if omission). You are not the jerk for not taking the job. But you clearly did Telegraph that it isn’t an important relationship.
Sounds like you told your mom, though.
If I were her, I’d reevaluate the relationship.
Not because I expected to have any input, but because you let mom know, probably someone else as well, and excluded me.
You, too, might think again about where you really think this relationship is going. Doesn’t seem like you are headed for anything long-term.” lovebombme2u
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this is a major red flag. Are you sure she’s not just with you for the finances? It sounds like she cared more about your salary than she respects your basic autonomy.
If you share your reasons for not even considering the job, and the reasons you’re offended by her response, and she doesn’t apologize profusely for her inappropriate behavior… I’d dump her on the spot.
Try to find a girl who loves you as a person enough to value your happiness over finances that you don’t even need to live a great life. And respects your autonomy to make your own decisions. If you were married and sharing finances, then discuss financial decisions.” opinionreservoir
7. WIBTJ For Going To My Late Partner's Funeral Against His Parents' Wishes?
“My (m22) partner (m20) suddenly passed away last week. We just really started our lives together when he was ripped away from me and left me broken inside.
We’d been together for almost 5 years (mostly long distance), engaged for 7 months.
He was living with his parents up until right before we got engaged and we moved in together shortly after. They didn’t know about us being together until last year (I was his “best friend”) and after they didn’t like me (conservative christians).
They started trying to limit his interaction with me as much as they could, giving him a curfew, limiting his trips to see me, having “talks” about me. We finally found a place to live, and moved in together last month, and started living as a couple after so many years of restrictions, and his parents cut him off.
I got a phone call from one of his co-workers that he had an epileptic seizure at work and that he was sent to the hospital, but his parents wouldn’t let me see him, saying that it was somehow my fault.
He ended up passing that same night.
They started making funeral arrangements and they said that they didn’t want to see my face at the funeral at all, that it was my fault that their son was gone, that I took him away from them.
I love him with everything in me and want to be able to say goodbye and see him one last time before he’s put in the ground, but I don’t want to rock the boat with his parents. He was truly the love of my life and we planned to spend our lives together.
I should have the same opportunity to say goodbye as they do, but they’re adamant about me not being there.
So would I be the jerk for showing up anyway against their wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I can’t imagine how you must feel. Do you think there might be a possibility you can see him and say goodbye before the funeral so it’s not with all the people? That way you can have your closure which I can understand you need.
If you show up to the funeral, it will very likely cause a scene and add to the trauma for you hun. You don’t want the last memory to be fights, drama and probably you being kicked out. I would organise my own memorial if I were you.
With mutual friends, your family etc, people you want close to you.
Good luck, and I hope you have someone to talk to.” Ze_Stips
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t imagine how heartbroken you are.
Sending you love and I hope your partner is at peace.
I cannot believe how callous and dismissive they’re being and to blame you on-top of it is just pure awful. It may be grief talking but to completely disregard your importance in his life is awful.
But since they’ve so clearly expressed how little they want you there, if you go it’ll just cause an explosion and make the day about them and not him. Funerals are often just a way for people to support each other.
Was there anyone who will be at the funeral who was supportive of you two, anyone from his family maybe any of his friends? You could try reaching out to them? I’m not exactly sure what they could do but at least you’ll be able to talk to someone in your corner.
If you two had shared friends, maybe you could grieve together on the day of the funeral and go to his favourite places like his favourite restaurant or somewhere he liked to go (beach? Park?) share a meal and hold your own celebration of his life.
I’m sure he would appreciate people who accepted who he was and loved him for it, celebrating his life this way more than the probable religious spectacle that will ignore his truth
Hopefully you could find then out where he’s been buried and visit to grieve on your own without being judged and ridiculed.” No_Preparation9958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not safe for you to attend the funeral. At the very least, it will traumatize you more and you know he would not want that for you. That said, you should absolutely have some sort of ritual or ceremony to say goodbye on your (and his) terms. You can do it with others or alone.
I’m not very good at ideas, but you might find some inspiration online. Something along the lines of writing him a letter, or something involving a place or activity meaningful to you both. Ugh, I’m sorry that people are still so crazy and unaccepting.
Wishing you healing.” TRVTH-HVRTS
6. AITJ For Refusing To Return A Cat To Its Original Owners?
“A couple of weeks ago, I found what seemed to be a lost cat while on a walk with my girl.
The cat wasn’t wearing a collar, was sick, and seemed underweight but it was friendly to us, indicating that it had socialized with humans before.
We called the local humane society, figuring that as microchips are legally required for cats in my city, they’d get the cat back to its family the next day.
They came and took the cat away.
A couple of days later, the local shelter calls me back, to inform me that the cat wasn’t chipped (reminder: illegal) and wasn’t neutered (also illegal). They told us that they’d have the cat in the “found animals” section of the website for a couple of days while they looked for matching missing animal forms. If after a week no one claimed the cat, they’d offer it to us.
Skip forward to a week, they call us to offer us the cat. We buy the things we need to take care of it and we go pick up the cat. Total expenses are 275$ for the cat (cost of neutering/chip/exam) + 150$ for everything else for a grand total of 425$.
My girl is unsure at first (didn’t grow up with pets) but quickly grows to love the cat as it cuddles with her to fall asleep.
Now the fun part. We get a call from the previous owner (they got our number from the rental company we both rent from, we live on the same street as them), saying that his kids saw their cat in our window (the cat loves our screened window, all sorts of scents out there!) and that he’d like to get it back.
We tell them we have adoption papers, neutering certificate and microchip registration and that while we aren’t completely closed to the idea of giving the cat back, we’d like to be reimbursed for the -legally required- medical expenses we spent on the cat, which I think is reasonable.
The man shows us proof that he did fill out the missing animal forms for the shelter we bought the cat from (before they sold us the cat) and that he called daily to ask about his cat, which his children miss.
While this is obviously a ******* on the shelter’s part, I feel like this isn’t my mistake and as such not for me to fix.
Like I said, I offered the man to either take the cat and to pay me what I had paid for it or to get 150$ from me to make it easier for him to get a new kitty for his family, as I was feeling bad for his kids.
The man said he didn’t have the finances to buy the cat back from me but still declined my finances to get a new one, saying the marketplace was full of free kittens anyway.
Now his kids often come to say hi to the cat in my bedroom window (which annoys me, we have hedges in front of our windows to get some privacy and this completely defeats the purpose) and while I like the cat I also feel guilty about taking a cat from someone who didn’t really do anything bad besides not getting his cat chipped, thanks to a mess-up from the shelter.
So, reddit, AITJ for keeping the cat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they don’t have thef funds to pay you back how do they have the funds to properly take care of a cat? And obviously, they don’t because they didn’t.
This is a great learning experience for the entire family. The parents need to accept the fact that they are not financially in a place to provide the best life a pet deserves. And to teach the kids to not invade someone else’s space and property.
Can you keep the cat away from the window for a couple of weeks? Or just keep the curtains shut for a few weeks, especially during the day? You do not need to feel bad for other people’s poor decision-making and parenting.
That is not your responsibility. And just because they filled out a form doesn’t mean the humane society messed up. There might have been very good reasons (like the current condition of the cat when you brought it in) why they didn’t return the cat to them.
But you do need to protect your cat, yourself, and your place. Also, the fact that your rental company gave out your info without your consent is very alarming. I would lie and tell them the cat got out. Once he gets a free kitty they can’t take care of the kids will forget about it.” srosekw
Another User Comments:
“Doesn’t seem like we know how the cat got out. Could have slipped out when the door was open. The cat is well-adjusted, so it seems the idea of neglect is questionable. The owner made efforts to find it, so that shows at least some degree of caring.
Why are you not going to the shelter for a refund? They screwed up, not you or the correct owner. They should refund you, or at a minimum offer, you to adopt another cat without paying. And I imagine if you go to them with this they will probably do something to make it right.
But not giving the kids their pet back because it cuddles nicely makes YTJ. They made the cat a sweetheart and want it back. Give it to them and take it up with the people who screwed up.
And while I agree the cat should be spayed and chipped, if it’s an indoor-only cat they may not have even thought about it or known about the requirement.
Give the kids their cat back. And get another from the shelter. Then one more cat has a home.” gte105u
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, I have so many thoughts on this story and am leaning a little towards ESH, but the most jerky location is the shelter, for a couple of different reasons.
Thus, I’ll break it down by people/places.
OP- Shouldn’t really hate on the kids’ actions so much cause they’re innocent. Also, I don’t know really if I believe that OP did not know their neighbors had a cat, let alone the exact same one, if they, the neighbors, lived close enough that they could see their own ex-cat in the window.
If there was even an inkling of possible recognition then the jerkness would be firmer in their corner.
The dad- Is not compromising at all to get the cat his kids so desperately want back. OP gave him his options.
He cannot expect OP to just eat the cost of the cat without payment. If he didn’t want the finances to get a new cat, and wouldn’t offer up a repayment plan for the old one then, frankly, tough. And plus, he’s causing beef with the wrong people anyways.
He could’ve, himself, went to the shelter to confront them and fix the situation in whichever way they see fit instead of hounding OP to do so.
The shelter- On top of the whole thing about the *******, there is a big issue that most people are missing.
On the papers the dad filled out about the missing cat, he, most likely, had to put down an address. Thus, even if they voluntarily decided to not give the cat back to him, for some of the reasons others mentioned, then I still feel like, the moment they noticed that OP had a home on the same street as the person whose cat it used to be, then they also had an obligation to OP to mention that this may cause future conflict.
Because, I mean, the dad seems unreasonable and entitled, but not necessarily “crazy” or “violent”. Now imagine if they had been, it could’ve put OP in real danger if they, the other family, resorted to attacks to get their cat back.
Thus, they actually owe both families an apology.” TheNewAnonima234
5. AITJ For Misleading My Co-Workers Into Thinking I'm A Cancer Survivor?
“2 years ago I was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia, a NON-CANCEROUS bone marrow disease. A year and a half ago I was cured by receiving a stem cell transplant, which involves receiving chemo-therapy.
Story: I attended a work happy last month.
I only started a few months ago and we all work remotely, so this was the first time I had met any of them outside of a zoom call. One coworker, Collin, was saying he had just seen his dad for the first time in a few years as his dad had recovered from cancer treatment (chemo).
Now I spent most of the last 2 years severely immunocompromised & isolated because of AA & the stem cell transplant/chemo, so I sympathized with Collin’s dad. I said something like “yeah, I feel that. I went through chemo last year and it was really hard being alone for so long.
I’m happy you are able to see your dad!” A few people nodded or said things like “oh wow” or “congrats.”
I didn’t specify why I received Chemo because I didn’t want to get into a whole conversation about my diagnosis and treatment.
No one at the time called me a cancer survivor. The conversation moved on.
Cut to last week, one of the coworkers who were part of that group, Mike, and I were on an intro call with some clients. One of the clients mentioned that their company works with a lot of cancer patients.
Mike picked up on that and said “oh, that is interesting! OP is a cancer survivor, can you lend your perspective?” I corrected him, saying that I wasn’t a cancer survivor, but did go through chemo for something else so I can truly sympathize.
It was kind of awkward, but we moved on. I didn’t message him after, I didn’t think there was anything to address.
Mike and I had a one-on-one today, and he opened with “I have to get this off of my chest, it is pretty low of you to lie to your coworkers about being a cancer survivor.”
I didn’t really know what to say, and I felt like total crap for apparently having misled him and all these other people. I apologized for the confusion and clarified that I received chemo as part of my treatment for something else, so I really do know what it feels like.
We talked about work for the rest of the meeting, but I could just tell he thought I was an absolute p*******d for “lying” and now I can’t stop thinking about what he is telling other people, that I am a liar and doing something like cancer stolen valor.
AITJ? Is sympathizing with a cancer patient receiving chemo because I’ve been through chemo without cancer misleading?”
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ. TIFO that aplastic anemia isn’t actually cancer; I totally thought it was. Probably because people conflate the two and that I’ve heard it said that Marie Curie died of cancer when in fact she died from aplastic anemia.
And of course, the other reasons are that cancer and AA seem to have similar (awful, so sorry OP you went through that!) treatment plans. Mike was WAY out of line.
I guess you could say that although you didn’t have cancer, the disease you did have is similar to cancer and has similar treatments.
And you didn’t lie at all, so Mike was, again, way out of line to accuse you of that.
And GIANT SIDE EYE to Mike for telling clients OP’s personal medical history. WHO DOES THAT???? Even someone desperate to make a sale shouldn’t be telling a potential sale someone else’s medical history, especially if it’s IN ORDER TO MAKE THE SALE (as others have commented already).” NotUsingMyRealName16
Another User Comments:
“I’d send him an email and thank him for letting you know that there were a lot of assumptions made by your colleagues when you mentioned going through chemo and that he should know that chemo is used to treat other diseases and not just cancer.
Also mention that you’d appreciate it if he wouldn’t discuss your medical history, especially with clients as it violates your privacy.
Thank him for understanding that your personal health information should be kept confidential going forward. Yes, even though he obviously hasn’t because it will make him think about what he’s sharing.
This way you have an electronic trail of the fact he disclosed your personal medical info, that you’ve clarified you never claimed to be a cancer survivor and that you’ve asked him to stop.
NTJ.” Trasht79
Another User Comments:
“OP, you’re definitely NTJ.
And you don’t need to do anything to smooth this over since you didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. But. Mike needs to understand how wrong he is.
I was expecting you to say something like you get methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis or something.
Which is not easy or fun, but I understand why people think “It’s not the same thing.” To which, I tell people that I struggled for a long time with being angry at cancer survivors who only had surgery or who had easy chemo.
Eventually, you realize there are no winners in the Suffering Olympics. So those people are wrong, but I can see the thought process.
But then you mentioned it was a stem cell transplant for aplastic anemia. And now I’m enraged upon your behalf.
No, your disease isn’t cancer. But the treatment you received is much more intensive, more painful, and riskier than what most cancer patients go through. Even without a global event, you would have had to isolate and worry. Saying you’ve gone through chemo is underselling your experience.
Just chemo is nothing like a BMT.
A lot of organizations that work with cancer patients will also work with patients who require a BMT for non-cancerous conditions.” Slight-Subject5771
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister-In-Law Stay With Us A Couple Times A Month During Her Divorce?
“My SIL is getting a divorce. It’s been bad, and I’m not going to go into any details because I know she lurks here.
The judge has been over-lenient with her ex due to no prior record despite him being abusive before and during the divorce proceedings.
She shares several older children with her ex, and he currently gets them every other weekend. My SIL’s ex is quite volatile, and she is rightly paranoid all the time when her children are with him.
She is primarily staying with an old female friend of hers who lives a couple hours away while she gets her feet under her. She starts a new job soon and has a home that is being built and should be move-in ready by Christmas.
She will be living near her friend.
There seems to be an unspoken expectation that she will stay with us nearly every time her children are with their father so that she can stay close to them. She can’t see them during the weekend or anything, so it’s just her hanging out at our home for two days.
The problem is we have several very young children. Our youngest was born several weeks ago. One of our children has intense sensory issues. The constant disruption of our schedule is not easy on them.
It’s hard because after my SIL leaves, my husband has to go back to work leaving a long week for me working with our kids.
We’re just able to pull ourselves together for the weekend and finally have a normal week just for the weekend to be disruptive again.
It’s been so hard and she does need all the support that she can get. But I don’t want to sacrifice my family, and I don’t know if the expectation will continue even after her home is finished. And that’s still 3 months away.
My husband wants to put his foot down, but I already know my SIL’s friend will think we’re jerks for doing so. But her friend only has one much older child. Her friend has made snide comments in the past when my husband has been unable to drop everything he’s doing so he can do something else for his sister.
(Recent situation was SIL needed a last second errand done, but we were about to put our kids to bed. My husband heavily values being a part of our children’s routine and said that he couldn’t leave at that moment because we were putting the kids to bed. Her friend made a snippy comment about how the entire situation was inconvenient for all of us.)
I understand that my SIL’s friend is in a tough spot too. However, she has stayed with my SIL long-term before, and prior to the divorce they frequently spent a lot of time at each other’s homes (nearly every week).
This isn’t anything new for them.
Are we the jerks? My husband was considering making it clear that she can come one weekend a month, but I don’t want to get stuck in a schedule and not be able to make plans.
She’s even come over sick without letting us know ahead of time, and then I’ve had to work with sick kids by myself while handling our new baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There is a difference between “helping on occasion” and “being expected to do anything asked”.
You have a husband with a full-time job. You have “several young children”, including a new baby. Being voluntold that you are hosting someone every other weekend and have 0 family time, through year-end, is unreasonable.
You and your DH have to set boundaries.
What would you consider “reasonable”? Your husband thinks once a month. I know you don’t want to get “stuck in a schedule” but that means just 3 more visits (Oct/Nov/Dec). Is that too much? Then tell her she can visit 2 more times only.
But remember: SET THE BOUNDARY AND STICK TO IT.
You can also tell your husband that if she stays there, you and he are not there to entertain her, and will be spending the weekend like you always do – with your children.
Your sister can amuse herself.
INFO: Does she buy you groceries? Help out in any way? If not, your DH can tell her to step up, especially since she is literally just there to wait around for her kids.
Good luck.
3 visits means a light at the end of the tunnel.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“Whilst what you are doing supporting sil, she must realize surely that you have your own family to take care of and you want time together as a family on a weekend to include your husband.
It must suck for her having to travel when she doesn’t have to but she needs to realize that she can’t do this forever.” Fun_Woodpecker7095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Why do you care so much about what others think of you?
Their opinion should have zero bearing on anything you do.
Your and your husband’s #1 priority and focus should be each other and your children. Is your SIL your husband’s brother’s ex or his sister? Your husband’s family members are your husband’s to deal with in consultation with you.
If you no longer want her staying with you for the reasons you describe, then your husband needs to take your and your children’s needs into account and respect them when deciding what he needs to do about his SIL/?sister.
If his decision upsets people, then that is too bad. His #1 focus and priority should be you and your children.” Thisisnotalibrary97
3. AITJ For Going To Medical School Even Though It's My Twin Brother's Dream He'll Never Achieve?
“For some context. “Medical School” isn’t really a thing in my country.
You just take an entrance exam fresh out of high school and if you pass, you’re allowed to study medicine at any university you want in the country. Both of us are M17.
My brother has always known that he wants to become a doctor.
Over the years his obsession just grew and grew and by last September he knew for sure that he wants to become one. He started studying for the entrance exam 10-11 months in advance to maximize his chances. Sadly for him, this December he got into a bad accident.
He ended up getting MAJOR injuries and was even in a coma for 3 days. He ended up not going to school for 2-3 months and thus, also didn’t study for his entrance exam. He also most likely has to deal with lifelong disabilities, some of which completely bar him from certain specialties according to the university’s advisor.
Due to the combination of not being able to study enough for the entrance exam and most likely being barred from a big part of the medical field, he decided to put his doctor’s dream to rest and decided on another major.
This is the part where I may be the jerk. Around the time when my brother had to come to terms with his dream being crushed, I decided I want to become a doctor myself. You see, just like a lot of people, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
But the more research I did, the more I realized medicine was for me. So I decided to start studying for the entrance exam. At first, I was being secretive as I didn’t want to come off as insensitive to my brother, but it didn’t take long for him to find out.
At first, he was calm about it. Later on, he started making passive-aggressive jabs at me multiple times, completely unprovoked. Whether it was during dinner, or when he walked in on me studying.
Fast-forward to July 15th, the result day of the entrance exam.
My family along with my grandparents all gathered in a room. When I read the letter out loud that said I got accepted, the room burst into cheers and happiness! Well, except for my brother. He started crying and silently got out of the room.
Before I knew it more than half the room got out to comfort him. Needless to say, the whole vibe was ruined.
Usually, when he’d make those passive-aggressive remarks I’d just brush them off, but by now I had a lot of anger built up, and that day was the final straw.
Later that day I went to his room and we got into a fight. I don’t even remember what we said to each other. I just remember both of us crying and yelling. Well, the semester starts in about 3 weeks and I’m 100% planning on still going, despite his feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for pursuing medicine, but kinda YTJ for your results reveal and for yelling at your brother. Can you not see it from his perspective? You weren’t even interested in medicine before and then just as he’s losing his dream, you swoop in and take it up.
I know you can’t ‘steal’ an idea of a life, but you can see how it feels that way to him.
He is dealing with a very heavy trauma and you are rubbing his face in it. In what way was it kind to do a big family event, with him there no less, for you reading your results?
And then yelling at him for having a completely predictable emotional response? I absolutely agree with your right to study medicine, and it’s right that your achievements are marked and celebrated, but you didn’t have to rub his face in it.
You could have just read the results yourself or with your parents and told your brother one on one without making a massive production about it. You could even have celebrated with the rest of your family later, giving him the choice to be there or not, but the way you did it was unkind to your brother and I struggle to believe you and your parents couldn’t have foreseen that.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk
You have every right to do what you want with your life. It’s not fair to you to restrict yourself to spare his feelings.
But you could’ve been more gentle toward him since this is clearly really difficult for him, and he has every right to have such a hard time with this, given the circumstances.
Once he started making passive-aggressive comments, you could’ve gone to talk to him about how he felt. You could’ve been receptive and open and talked about how much he can handle without having jealousy or resentment. He might’ve been able to te you not to throw a party.
He might’ve even been okay with it if you just threw the party without him. But I’m assuming you didn’t. And yes, he could’ve come to talk to you instead of making passive-aggressive comments, but it’s like that in every relationship.
If you love your brother, then care about how he feels. Ask his thoughts and opinions instead of hiding things from him assuming he would just be super hurt and unaccepting.
So, maybe you’re not a jerk; you’re just not the best brother in the world.” a_cute_angle_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for pursuing your career goals and living your life the way you want to, but excluding your brother ESH for throwing such a poorly timed and very unfitting celebration with your brother’s condition taken into consideration.
It’d be understandable if he simply flunked his exams, but he didn’t. His opportunity to follow his dream was taken away from him without his control, so putting myself in his shoes I’d be depressed and angry too.
YTJ for lashing out at him despite your frustrations.
I understand you’d want your brother to be happy for you, but it’s just not the time for that, dude. He needs time to process the situation and take in how things will transpire from here on out, you can’t force him to suddenly feel good.
I suggest you apologize to him and tell him that you acted against your judgment, that you understand he needs time to come to terms with things and that you’ll let him have it, then simply give him some space for a while.
Don’t avoid him or anything, but don’t remind him about med school or anything related to that for a while. Talk to your family as well and tell them that your brother deserves time and space to himself.” SophisticatedTitan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the grief of losing his dream is very real. It’s something that he needs to process and only time can possibly reduce his grief and pain. You have his dream and as much as he might be proud of you for passing I’m sure his feelings of loss were devastating at that same moment.
Please help him get therapy. Your feelings are entirely valid as well. You worked hard to be successful and you deserve recognition for your accomplishment. Try not to resent him too much because losing the life you have planned and worked for is very very cruel.” Reddit user
2. WIBTJ For Refusing To Attend A Wedding Since I'm Not Allowed To Bring My Partner?
“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one, and I don’t want to rustle any feathers.
In late June of this year, I was invited to RSVP to my cousin’s wedding. It was an online RSVP, so there was no information about attire/plus ones or anything. Just: Are you going? Yea or Nay. I said that I would go.
Then, I promptly screenshotted the RSVP and sent it to my man, asking him to save the date.
Flash-forward to today. For context, I am a full-time college student at a university 4 hours away from my hometown. I work 2 part-time jobs on campus and am taking 21 credits this semester, so my life is a chaotic mess right now.
I received a reminder today on my phone that the wedding was this upcoming Saturday (oh, crap! already?!) and immediately reminded my man and started outlining the weekend plans (finances for the drive home, work I have to finish, etc.).
At one point during this process, I texted my aunt to confirm the dress code and mentioned that I had to figure out what I and (my partner) would be wearing. She replied, “(Your partner) wasn’t on the list.”
This stopped me cold, because man, I thought it was just implied that he would be with me.
I mean, I’m barely 20 and therefore I’ve never had to RSVP to a wedding other than this one. But I thought inviting one’s significant other was standard practice? We’ve been together for well over a year. I guess movies and TV lied to me, and it was the incorrect assumption because I texted the bride and she said: “Unfortunately we did not account for plus ones as we didn’t have the room.”
Now, hear me out, I do NOT want to cause the bride any strife whatsoever.
I acknowledge the fact that I really should have clarified this info months ago instead of making assumptions, but I misunderstood general wedding etiquette due to lack of experience, and we’re past that point now.
I am very concerned about this because my partner was no longer allowed to be a groomsman at my brother’s wedding over some petty bullcrap (very complex situation, not my man’s fault.) He was looking forward to it very much, and not being invited really affected him.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think about telling him he’s been disinvited from ANOTHER of my family’s weddings. I feel like this is going to crush him and alienate him from my family even more.
Also, on a more selfish note, I really do not want to go to another wedding alone.
It just bums me out. I thought this would be a great opportunity for my partner to finally meet more family members on that side, and I would like to spend this special and memorable time with him considering the fact that we are long-distance and I haven’t seen him since I left for college.
Mostly, I just want to celebrate my cousin’s special day with my loved ones. It feels wrong to go without my man. I’m afraid of hurting him. But I don’t want to blow off my invitation, either.
WIBTJ if I refused to go to the wedding because I assumed my significant other was invited?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Why are you making such a drama out of this?
There were no plus ones. You received an invitation, not your significant other. If all this was soo important to you, you should have checked when you received the invitation instead of assuming.
You woman up and tell your bf that you made a mistake, he’s not invited – he has not been ‘ ‘disinvited from another family wedding,’ but rather, he was never invited, not because he is being excluded but because there are no plus ones.
It’s extremely simple and you don’t have to feel sick over it. It’s not about you or him, a concept you seem to be struggling with. Your cousin’s wedding is not being held for your bf to meet your family, and you’re not going to be at the wedding ‘alone’, you’re going to be surrounded by your family.
You’d be a huge jerk to cancel on a week’s notice because you misread an invitation and are too immature to go to a family event solo.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Plus ones are not a given, and while I understand you’re inexperienced it’s a good general rule of thumb to remember that entertainment is not a good place to learn real-world etiquette.
Your cousin likely couldn’t afford for everyone to have a plus one. I understand that you want your man there, but your cousin wants YOU there, with all her family. He’s not family to her yet. She is allowed to prioritize who she wants there to celebrate her special day.
You goofed, and it WOULD be terrible of you to tell your man he’s uninvited from the wedding. He never was invited. Own up to that and be honest, that you misunderstood the RSVP and that you’re sorry for that.
He might be bummed but it’s better than saying he’s uninvited because a) that feels worse than a misunderstanding and b) it implies he isn’t wanted there. Not showing up because you thought wrong, especially when the wedding is only a few days away and you’re expected there, is kinda petty.” justlemmeread
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
The etiquette is that you respond to the invitation as it stands. You do NOT assume there is an implied plus one when it does not explicitly state it anywhere. There is NO version of wedding etiquette that allows for invited guests to assume anything other than what is communicated.
No one dis-invited your partner. The whole “invitation” he got never existed – you made it up. This whole kerfuffle is entirely your doing. The bride and groom can invite whomever they want. And they can certainly limit guests to family while also omitting significant others.
The rock and the hard place are entirely your creation- no one else. Not even one teeny bit. Not at all. The wedding is about the couple getting married.
If you don’t want to go, don’t. But don’t act like you have somehow been wronged. You are actually the only one who has technically wronged someone.
You ought to apologize to your BF and your cousin.” AnonymooseVamoose
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ right now, but you will be if you push this.
Weddings are EXPENSIVE. If the invite doesn’t specifically say “plus one” why would you assume it’s implied?
You don’t have a right to invite your partner to someone else’s important day, while asking them to foot the bill, not just for you, but everyone else who just decided to show up with a guest that was not invited. It’s not a nightclub, it’s a wedding.
Simply telling him the mistake you made, should be plenty to rectify the situation. But to not go to a family wedding only because you couldn’t bring your partner along, that would be immature, and cause far more drama than it would be worth.
The day isn’t about you or your long-distance relationship, and I truly mean that in the nicest way possible. He wasn’t “disinvited,” he was never invited to begin with.” jenafreaka
1. AITJ For Giving My Landlord A Month Notice After They Gave Me 90 Days To Leave?
“I know you probably read that and thought “Huh? How can you be blindsided with a three months notice”? Allow me to explain. Me and my wife were renting and had agreed to a “month to month lease.” For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a lease that may be altered or terminated by either party as long as proper notice is given to change or end the lease.
Our contract stated that 30 days’ notice was required from both parties. We got along with the landlords great and lived there for about a year and a half. We never made a late payment. We would often have dinner together and there was a mutual like for one another.
After some time, they began telling us that even though it was a month-to-month lease, they wanted to continue this arrangement long-term. They gave us the whole “we love having you here”, and “we want this to be a long-term thing.” We felt reassured by that and stopped being so on edge all the time.
We stopped worrying about them kicking us to the curb. We figured we could stay there for years, and we were happy about that. That is what they filled our heads up with, that we are secure. We were finally at peace.
THEN, one day my landlord comes up to us and explains that unfortunately, we will need to leave in 3 months because the space we were occupying was going to be converted for a family member that was going to move in.
We felt a little betrayed and lied to. However, we understood that it’s what we agreed to and we should have never relied on their word to begin with. He kept telling us “I gave y’all a 3 months’ notice instead of 1, because we really respect and appreciate you guys.
I’m doing y’all a favor, that shows we really care.” Half of me agrees, but the other half was like “You’re still a jerkhead.”
That same night, me and my wife began apartment hunting. Luck was on our side because we found a better apartment with more space and around the same price as our current apartment.
We put in the application and got accepted 1 week later! We signed all the paperwork and were given a move-in date. The time came to tell our landlords. We told them we had found a new place, and wanted to activate our 30 days notice.
We thanked them for everything, the same stuff they fed us. We let them know that after being told we had to leave in 3 months, it was in our best interest to find a new apartment sooner, and so we did.
We didn’t want to wait too long to start looking and end up homeless after the 3 months. They went off on me and my wife, telling us we can’t do that and that they would take us to court.
They were yelling personal insults at us and the police were called. Am I crazy for not believing that we did something wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me of the time an employee gave us three months’ notice orally but in writing only two weeks.
Absolutely refused to extend to three months in writing for “legal reasons” but also fully expected us to keep him on for “at least” three months or until he found a better job because he was “indispensable.” Anyway, we accepted the two weeks and told him he could give us the date he actually wanted to leave if he wanted something different and that was that.
Anyway, the bottom line is that if you need to have more time then it’s always a risk to give a long notice period.
NTJ. Househunting is definitely always a bit of a crap shoot and if the landlords put any thought into it they would have realized that as soon as they triggered the 90 days notice they risked losing you within 30 because of course you would take the first suitable housing and the closing date might not be 90 days.” Ok-Wrangler-8175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, technically based on the specific situation. Finding a place and giving 30 days’ notice is the appropriate response to hearing you will be kicked out. All that is fine.
The only thing I want to point out- and which wasn’t actually part of your question- is that you have undue animosity towards your landlord.
They DID do you a favor by giving 3 months’ notice. That is more than reasonable. I know you wanted to stay permanently, but this is a business relationship and you are tied to those terms. You could have requested an annual lease, but chose to stay on month-to-month.
That played out exactly how it is designed to, except your landlord did you the courtesy of giving you three months.
On the other side, your landlord threatening court after you gave your notice was uncalled for. This arrangement works the same both ways, and he should have expected this as soon as he told you you were out.
So I vote based on your question, and that is NTJ. But when we look at how you each responded to each other in this very normal business situation, I’d like to say everyone sucks.” jadnich
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for invoking your notice rights, but all sides here are jerks.
They obviously had some unexpected life changes and you had no sympathy for that and are acting butthurt and betrayed. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
At the same time, they are jerks for their reaction to you being proactive with your housing situation.
They obviously were hoping to get some more income from you before they lost it due to the conversion, but tough luck on that.
Seems you both got along so well because you’re all fake self-serving jerks.” Maximus_Rex
