People Won't Rest Until We Give Judgment To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Going To My Cousin's Wedding?
“So my (16f) cousin (22f) is getting married tomorrow. We’ve all been so excited, her fiancee is amazing, and the wedding is going to be beautiful.
At first, it all seemed to be going smoothly, we bought matching dresses and shoes, went to planning meetings, and helped her check out venues and do cake tastings, normal wedding stuff.
Two days ago, she calls me and asks me to buy a wig to wear to her wedding, and asks if I could take my feeding tube out just for the day. I am fighting a relapsed form of cancer and my hair has fallen out and I have a feeding tube.
I refused because wigs really tend to irritate my head and I kind of need my feeding tube, and she got super annoyed and told me I might as well just not bother coming, and so I was like: well, okay then, and hung up.
I told my mom I wasn’t going and why and she told me I was being dramatic and that she didn’t mean what she said.
I still refuse to go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only is she a complete and total jerk for these suggestions, but she hits the summit and keeps on climbing while waiting until the day before the wedding to make this request.
If she had asked earlier, y’all could have brainstormed ideas to come up with approaches that were amenable and respectful to both of you. Instead, though, she waited until the last minute to force a ‘my way or the highway’ choice on you. I think you made the correct choice.
EDIT TO ADD: Just to clarify: I’m not suggesting any changes to the feeding tube. That is non-negotiable and stays as it is. Also, at the end of the day: your body, your choice. I’ve always sided with the bridesmaids with Cheeto-orange hair over the bride.
I’m ABSOLUTELY siding with you for not wanting to wear a wig.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s like your cousin doesn’t want your cancer to overshadow her day. I could MAYBE (strong maybe leaning towards not) understand asking you to wear a wig, just because she doesn’t want to look at her pictures and be saddened by how sick you were, or maybe to help you feel more “normal” so that you could enjoy her day with her, but there’s a way to go about that.
To ask you to remove the feeding tube is completely insane though, and changes the whole motive of her wanting you to wear a wig.
She’s the kinda person that probably gets jealous of all the attention cancer patients get. I’d never speak to her again.” Randibug91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your cousin is delusional if she thinks she can ask you to take out your feeding tube for any reason & if she wanted you to wear a wig I feel like she needed to 1. ask way in advance & 2. at least buy it for you.
The lack of compassion & how self-centered she is to ask but then treat you poorly after saying no is such gross behavior. Your mom isn’t any better either, your family should feel lucky that you even get to be a part of your cousin’s wedding considering the circumstances.
I hope your cousin & mom see how rotted their behavior is & apologize. To be honest, if I was the groom & heard why you’re not coming anymore, I’d be reevaluating my bride.” Salt-Praline5420
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner's Recipes To My Sister-In-Law?
“I (27M) have been with my partner (25M) since I was 17 and he was 16.
Since I met him he’s loved to cook and bake. Since we were both broke teens saving for uni, at all of our early anniversaries he used to cook dinner for us and bake dessert.
When we got a house together last year one of the things he really wanted was a big kitchen.
And that became one of our non-negotiable while house hunting.
Also, he’s really close with his dad. His dad was the one who taught him how to cook.
Over the past 9 months, his dad has gotten pretty ill and he’s been going to see him often, and one of the things they decided to do was to cook every dish they knew (over the course of months), take pictures of each dish with one of those polaroid/Instax style cameras and make a recipe book.
Most of these were just generic dishes they made together, some with personal twists, but a few of them were dishes either his dad had made up or that they had made up together. His dad also wrote personal notes to my partner on each of the photos.
Needless to say, this recipe book is very important to him and became even more special when his dad passed last month.
When this happened I was ready to give him time to grieve, start picking up more chores and take over the cooking, thinking he would want a break.
But instead, he started cooking and baking like crazy, and he ended up cooking almost every recipe. I guess it was just his way of mourning his father.
Over the past week, he’s been getting better, talking about his feelings more and such.
Yesterday my brother, his wife, their two children (3F, 5F), and his MIL came over and my partner made lunch and dessert.
My brother’s kids loved it. So my SIL asked what it was called, and my partner explained that they were unique recipes that belonged to his dad and then my SIL asked if she could have them. My partner said no, but that he was willing to make the dishes for her kids regularly.
Her mother then chimed in and told my partner that that wouldn’t do and that he shouldn’t be selfish and share the recipes with the children.
My partner clearly got uncomfortable so I got in between them and told them if they are going to be disrespectful to him then he will have to leave.
They started saying I was being over dramatic and that they were just recipes. I told them that they had sentimental meaning and that if he didn’t want to give them to them he didn’t have to.
They left with a huff. I later got a text from my brother asking what happened because what his wife and MIL were telling him didn’t add up.
I told him and he apologized for their action. However, I got some messages from my SIL saying how her kids won’t eat their food anymore and only want to eat the recipes and how I’m being cruel and starving two young children.
I’ve just ignored them, but I have something gnawing at me telling me that I should have handled it differently and that I’m the jerk.
so AITJ?
EDIT: We’ve eaten around her place a few times, and while I’ve never said it to her face, it’s bad. we are from the UK, and there are historical reasons a lot of people don’t use spices, she is 100% the stereotype. She watches my partner make regular tomato pasta once and was baffled by the fact he added to and seasoned the pasta.
Her food is bland and at best she will add some salt and pepper. Also in general she doesn’t really cook. What she calls cooking is putting frozen food or ready meals in the oven or microwave and she will just order out most nights.
I put in my response to the bot but left it out of my post due to the character limit. But both of my nieces have food sensory issues and she almost refuses to find ways around it, sometimes making them eat what she cooked which is why she was so excited that they like my partner’s food.
Since while not as severe as my nieces, my partner also has some issues with food textures, so the entire book is safe textures and foods he likes which is also why I think she wants the recipes so bad, I think she’s assuming that since he has some food sensory issues that her kids will be fine with all of the recipes.
But this is literally the most effort she’s ever put into this, my partner has even offered to help her find some simple meal ideas that her kids will like but she turned it down due to the hassle and effort.
My partner put spices or herbs in most things and I think this just comes from growing up around spices, because despite not having a lot my partner’s dad always had a full spice rack, which he gave to him when he started getting ill.
I love spices and seasonings in my food but I have no idea what goes with what as I just wasn’t brought up in a household that used a lot of spices.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! First of all, what an absolutely lovely idea that your partner and his father came up with to share their joint passion.
It will obviously be something he cherishes forever and can share with HIS future children if you decide to have a family. Your SIL is engaging in emotional manipulation and you should ignore all communication from her regarding this. Your partner literally offered to make her children the dishes they love and that wasn’t good enough for her.
Her children are not going hungry… children will eat if they are hungry. She is a huge jerk for not understanding how important these recipes are to him, especially when his father passed away only recently.” mamaleo29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, you’re not causing her young children to go hungry.
That’s not how it works. It’s not uncommon for kids to go through picky eating phases, and it’s a parent’s job to navigate that. It’s not like the only food options in the entire world are encased in your partner’s recipe book and if he doesn’t share it he’s a mass murderer.
That’s ridiculous.
Secondly, you couldn’t have handled this better. What you did was allow your partner to fight his own battle while being mindful and empathetic of the recent loss of his father. When you noticed that the conversation was making him uncomfortable because two people were choosing to bully and guilt him instead of being considerate of his emotional pain, you stepped in to help him.
You gave the aggravators an opportunity to stop their behavior by telling them if they were going to be disrespectful they would have to leave AND provided them some explanation for his reaction.
They decided to leave because they couldn’t get what they wanted. AND, if your SIL truly felt like her behavior was acceptable, she wouldn’t have felt the need to tell your brother a modified version of events.
You protected your immediate family, your partner. And you did so with grace and respect.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about the recipe though. Your partner is grieving a loss and the recipes represent his father. Your SIL is asking your partner to give her a part of his deceased father.
Sure, it’s a shareable bit, but he shouldn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.
And the children going hungry thing? Massive manipulation. If the kids won’t eat their cooking then they need to parent their children, not badger you and your partner. This is what Google is for, type in ingredients they liked, and recipes come out.
And if your SIL’s cooking is that bad it’s not going to matter if she’s got your partner’s recipe or not (after all, she’s the one that says her kids won’t eat her cooking because it’s not good).” Natural_Garbage7674
18. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Doesn't Deserve To Be Called "Dad"?
“I (20m) have a 5-year-old niece named Ada who’s honestly like a tiny ray of sunshine. My brother Jake (28m) doesn’t see her all that often, but Ada’s mom Tara (27f) hasn’t tried to keep her away from any of us.
I was 15 when Ada came along but I told Tara that I wanted to know my niece, and she made sure that I did.
I’m not gonna lie, I do hold it against my brother sometimes. Ada sees me more than she sees her dad, she always gives me drawings and letters to give to him, but he doesn’t keep them for long.
She wants to know him, and I hate seeing how hurt she looks when she asks why he doesn’t visit and I don’t have an answer for her.
Jake doesn’t like that I spend so much time with Ada, it’s caused a few arguments and even our parents have asked me to relent.
They think I’m making things worse by fostering a relationship with the kid my brother barely acknowledges. I keep going anyway though, I don’t want to break Ada’s heart and disappoint her too.
I went to visit her and Tara after I got off of work the other day.
Tara let me take Ada out for ice cream, so she and I were just hanging out at the shop when she handed me another drawing that she’d been working on. It said ‘to dad’ on the corner of it, so I asked if she wanted me to give it to my brother, but she said that it was for me.
Yesterday, when I went to my parents’ house to grab some things I wanted to move into my apartment, I totally forgot I had kept the drawing in my jacket pocket. Jake was there and when it fell out as I was moving the boxes, he picked it up and looked at it.
I told him that Ada had drawn it for me and reached out for him to hand it back but he pointed out that it said “to dad” on it, so obviously it was for him.
I don’t know what made me say it honestly, I usually bite my tongue when it comes to most things, but I asked him what made him think he deserved or had even earned the title of ‘dad’ when he’s never actually tried to act like he was one?
Our mom immediately got up and told me that I needed to apologize to him for what I said, but Jake just left without another word. I got the drawing back, so I’m glad about that, but my family is pretty upset with me.
My parents think that I shouldn’t criticize my brother because it isn’t my place and his relationship with Ada isn’t my business. They feel like I’m overstepping by spending time with her, and that I definitely went too far by saying he didn’t deserve to be called her dad.
He’s not the dad of the year, and I really do feel like nothing I said was inaccurate, but I mean did it actually make me a jerk to say it out loud instead of just quietly thinking it like I have been?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to talk to Tara about Ada calling you dad. I doubt that is something anyone wants her to think, you probably will need to tell Ada you are not her dad, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love her, in fact, you will always love her and be there for her and that you will be the best uncle you can be.
You really need to talk to Tara though.
Screw your brother, he isn’t even a jerk, he is the jerk your parents share. Going to assume he is the favorite child because they should be shaming him for ignoring his daughter. The staggering entitlement that he thinks that child will still love him when he ignores her, and for them to tell you off for seeing Ada.
Good on you for being a good uncle.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother abandons his child. Then your parents get mad at you for ‘overstepping’ because you stay in touch and provide some support to the little girl from the paternal side of her family.
I suspect they know it is futile to address this with your brother, the actual wrongdoer, so instead are taking their frustrations out on you.
In the meantime, keep encouraging Ada to call you ‘uncle’ it will be less confusion in the long run. When she’s older and sorts out the difference between ‘dad’ and ‘uncle’ she doesn’t need an extra layer of confusion to sort through.
ETA – I suspect her school has taught her to write ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ but not ‘uncle’, hence her confusion labeling the picture. It would be a nice activity to work with her on writing the name ‘Uncle’ for you!” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That was just wow. So glad that she has you in her life and is so comfortable and loving toward you that she sees you as a father figure. That’s a big deal.
HOWEVER, please do talk to her mom about that. Do not do so in front of her or when she could possibly overhear.
Do not break that precious little girl’s heart. Absolutely keep in contact with her. See how she reacts and feels and have her and you sit her down and make sure she knows you are her uncle but will also always be there for her.
She needs someone since her father has dropped the ball. That rejection hurts deeply and for a long time. You being there is easing that pain. That is what family should be for.
Your parents need to be harping on him and also be lending a hand in raising her.
She is their GRANDKID! For them not to be stepping up as much as you are is insane. Honestly, they may be harping on you because they feel some guilt about their actions or inactions and your being there is putting that into focus. Do not let them sway your actions.
Shame on him for hurting a pure soul like that. You had every right to call him out for it. Surprised you lasted this long.
As long as her mother is fine with it which sounds like you two have a perfectly healthy extended family type relationship then it’s fine.” Professional_Cry_430
17. AITJ For Going On A Trip By Myself?
“About 3 months ago I decided I wanted a weekend away from the city, so I booked a weekend trip to an Airbnb for my partner, my dogs, and me. The plan was to take work off Friday and spend Friday-Sunday at a cabin in the woods.
This past weekend, we sat down to make our travel plans for tomorrow (Friday). My partner realized that, despite me reminding him 2-3 times to take Friday off, he forgot to take the day off from work. He had meetings until noon, which wasn’t a huge deal since we could leave right when he was done and get to the cabin right at check-in time.
Yesterday, he nonchalantly told me that he had another meeting put on his calendar at 3 pm, so we couldn’t leave until after that. I’ve already taken Friday off of work, and I was planning on leaving as early as possible to avoid traffic and driving through the woods at night.
Since he didn’t take the day off or block the afternoon, I told him we can just take two cars. I will leave during the day and he can meet me there when he’s done working.
This, apparently, is unacceptable. He refuses to drive up by himself and the only way he will come is if we drive up together.
I told him that was not an option unless he could move his 3 pm meeting. Since he can’t/won’t move his afternoon meeting and won’t drive to the cabin by himself, he has decided to stay home and I am going on the trip alone.
AITJ because I won’t wait for him and am, instead, going on the trip alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made the plan, reservation, and schedule – he was fully aware of this. His lack of planning and preparation is not your concern at this time.
You have not uninvited him, you just changed the plan based on his lack of cooperation.
If he is upset, remind him that the only task he was to do for this weekend was to book the day off and he could not do that.
You are not going to waste a day of vacation, which has a dollar value, to wait around the house for him. He had no respect for your time, your vacation day, or your plans – you do not need to change the holiday for him.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You guys planned this months ago. He forgot after repeated reminders to take off Friday… The week off is too late but he could have blocked off the afternoon to still make check-in time… and he didn’t even bother to do that.
And now wants you to sacrifice an entire day? No.
It honestly seems like he doesn’t want to go for some reason. Is there something he would be missing this weekend if he went with you? Does he hate cabins or this isn’t his thing?
This is more than procrastination. After the noon meeting and not blocking off the afternoon? I’m sorry he’s sabotaging the trip.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He forgot to clear his schedule for this day and has already inconvenienced you and wants to inconvenience you further by making you wait until his 3 pm meeting is also done.
He can stay home and be a crybaby about it if that’s what he wants, in my opinion, he’s lucky you are just going to drive up by yourself and aren’t mad at him for forgetting to book the time off, to begin with.
He had 3 months to prepare, it’s not your fault he didn’t do that. He’s just trying to manipulate you into waiting for him by saying he won’t go, I’m sure he will come with you, and if not just go by yourself.” Lexy_d_acnh
16. AITJ For Getting My Mother-In-Law's Social Media Account Suspended?
“I (f25) have 5 kids ( F8, F6, F6, F4, M2) they all share the same father (AKA ex-husband). My kids go see his parents, aka their grandparents every other weekend. My kids love them and have fun with them, but I have a major issue with my ex-Mil.
She has a HUGE obsession with blonde hair & blue-eyed aesthetic and I feel like she may consider that the beauty standard. My eldest daughter and son have both of those things, but my 3 other kids do not so much… my twins are blonde with brown eyes and my youngest daughter has blue eyes and a brunette.
My MIL is a big social media poster and posts about my children all the time but mostly my eldest daughter and son. I noticed that but I just let it go but it Rey bothered me…
But when she posts my other 3 kids she always has weird filters on them but I let it go.
But then she posted my 3 kids photoshopped… my youngest daughter’s hair was brightened and my twins’ eyes were edited to be brighter. I messaged her and told her to not photoshop my children and that it’s weird and she, of course, denied it and told me it was the lighting… which is nonsense.
I’m their mother. I know what my kids look like in a photo.
For a while she stopped posting my children I was relieved until last weekend she posted a picture of all my kids severely photoshopped that even my friends messaged me about it and called it out.
I texted her to please take it down that I don’t like the post. She ignores me so I had enough and I reported her account and it’s suspended. She called me upset because they’re supposedly photos that she doesn’t have saved and I potentially erased her memories and now my ex and his family are calling me a jerk because I’m supposedly gatekeeping my kids and using my personal feelings to strain the relationship with my kids and grandparents so ask AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your kids are or will very soon be old enough to recognize that they have been altered in those photos and the next ones and next ones.
Filters are a bit iffy, people can get carried away, and maybe the kids were part of messing around with the settings and thought it looked funny, hard to say.
But (bad) photoshop? Waaay over the line. They will know that they are not pretty enough for grandma’s social media very soon and that’s not something any kid should feel. And they will notice the difference with the ‘right’ siblings.” DancinginHyrule
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Memories are in your mind, not social media. You didn’t do anything wrong. The only way you would have been responsible for her account suspension would be if you had somehow gone and posted the photos from her account and then reported it.
She posted them herself. She is responsible for her own actions, which led to the suspension.
I would be really leaning towards cutting contact at this point though because her views are seriously detrimental to the emotional and mental well-being of all your kids.” ZuzusEars
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly I would start talking to your kids about your ex mil views being skewed! You don’t know what goes around in her home. She could be treating the older kids better than the younger ones just because they are her favorite.
They need to understand that is not ok to be excluding their siblings in the future (again don’t know what she tells your kids behind your back) but just be prepared and start these conversations early on. And start gathering evidence of all she does to your kids you might need to go to court and get a restraining order against her she doesn’t see your kids in the future since it seems your ex will not advocate for his own kids!” Mom_2_gurlz
15. AITJ For Not Paying My Coworker For The Dining Set?
“The building I work in has 4 people, including myself.
Each of us has our own office, but we share a central kitchen/sitting area. All of the furniture in the building is provided by the institution we work for, and we are granted a department fund every year that we can use to replace any outdated/broken furniture or purchase any additional furniture we would like (within reason) from our institution’s supplier.
Recently, my coworker has expressed interest in getting a dining set for our shared kitchen space to eat lunches at, and has been asking me and the other 2 people in our building for their input. I told her that it really did not matter to me, as I always eat my lunch in my office, and would not use a dining set.
She has been looking through the approved supplier’s catalog for a few days now, but apparently has not been happy with any of their options.
Today, she arrived with a dining set she had bought herself with her own money from a certain Scandinavian department store, AKA not our approved supplier.
She asked me to help her put it together, which I did. The problem arose from her next question, when she informed me that she had paid $100 of her own money to purchase it, and then asked me to contribute $25 so the 4 of us in the building could split the cost. I refused, saying that I did not want the dining set to begin with, and was not planning to use it.
I also reminded her that we could have gotten one for free from our supplier. She became very upset with me and said how it was rude of me not to contribute ‘my fair share’. The other 2 people in my building begrudgingly gave her $25 to ‘avoid a scene’ and suggested I do the same.
I still refused, and my coworker has been steaming over it all day.
I know that $25 isn’t a grand sum of money, but I don’t see why I should have to pay for something unnecessary that I am not going to use. Does that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your co-worker is a jerk. She was buying a table for the office, not making personal decorating decisions for her home. It really doesn’t matter that she was ‘not happy’ with any of the tables in the catalogue. Again, the kitchen area was not her personal property.
If she had asked you upfront for a contribution to the purchase, she would have received solid feedback that would have guided her choices. She did not. In my opinion, she should eat the table she bought for your kitchen (no pun intended). Your coworkers should not have been guilted into giving her $25 each, but that was their choice.
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t contributed something to an office area, be it a plant, a coffee pot, a table, a chair, etc. None of these people ever asked for a reimbursement. When people move on they take their stuff with them, or not.” Illustrious-Tour-247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so basically your other coworkers are trying to punish you for standing up for your boundaries since they immediately laid theirs down.
Basically, she’s steaming because she wanted to buy this piece of furniture because she liked it, and then wanted y’all to pay for most of it that way it was cheap for her to get exactly what she wanted. It wouldn’t matter if it was $2, the fact that she is trying to scam you is the problem.
Also, I can’t help but think that when she leaves she will play the ‘I bought it’ card and take it with her. Like it’s already plain that she is trying to hustle y’all, so I’m just looking and thinking this isn’t the only hustle.
If you give in now, you will be sending her the message that you are someone she can walk all over.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your coworker is the jerk here and an entitled one at that! She made the decision to go on her own to purchase a dining set and use her own money.
Then she has the audacity to demand reimbursement from the rest of you? You’re completely right in refusing to pay anything toward that table whether you’re going to use it or not and the other 2 coworkers are idiots for giving into to the entitled actions of the jerk 4th coworker.” kajudalu
OP should not have to pay for something they didn't agree to buy or not planning to use.
And I think it was absolutely stupid of the other coworkers to cater to her entitlement for the sake of "avoiding a scene".
They should've made her eat that full $100 price tag.
14. AITJ For Leaving My Partner Behind?
“I (f24) have a partner ‘Hannah’ (f26). We were friends in college and reconnected and have been together for around 7 months.
A few days ago, it was my cousin’s wedding and everyone was allowed a plus-one, including myself. I asked Hannah in advance if she wanted to go with me and she agreed, she’s a huge social butterfly and loves big events.
The venue is around a 2-hour drive from my home so I made it clear to Hannah that we need to leave in plenty of time to not be late. The ceremony started at 2 pm, so I said we should aim to leave a little after 11 am to allow for traffic and stop on the way if we need to.
Hannah is super into makeup and hair, and she was taking a very long time to get ready. When 10:30 am rolled around, I gently reminded Hannah that we need to leave soon in order to get there on time. She told me she was nearly done and not to worry.
10:50 am rolls around and Hannah doesn’t look anywhere near ready. I tell her that we really need to leave soon and reminded her of what time it is. Hannah told me to chill and that she was nearly ready.
Once it reached 11 am, Hannah still wasn’t ready.
I told her that we need to leave as soon as possible. Hannah told me to calm down and that she was nearly ready, she wasn’t even dressed yet!
I started getting panicky and told Hannah to please hurry up. Hannah got mad and said that she’s told me she was nearly ready.
By the time it was 11:20 am, Hannah STILL wasn’t ready.
I got really annoyed and told Hannah if she was not ready in 10 minutes, I’m leaving without her. I don’t think she believed me: she just laughed and told me I’m being silly.
I ended up leaving without her because by 11:30 she was still in her PJs.
I managed to get to the wedding on time and it was great. After the ceremony, I noticed that Hannah had been blowing up my phone.
I called her back and she immediately started screaming at me and said that I’m obsessed with being ‘ridiculously early to things’ and said that I need to be more understanding and that if I waited 5 minutes she would’ve been ready.
She said I’m a selfish jerk and need to evaluate my priorities. I wasn’t able to get any word in before Hannah hung up the phone.
Since then, Hannah has been ignoring me and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“The only person who needs that long to get ready is Heidi Klum at Halloween.
The real problem though is that your partner knew she wasn’t going to be ready at the time you wanted to leave. She didn’t tell you she wasn’t planning to be ready.
She didn’t tell you that she had a problem with the time you wanted to leave. It doesn’t matter whether or not she agreed with your assessment of when you needed to leave. It’s a basic matter of respect.
NTJ. Be aware, this is going to be your life.
Something like this can be a fundamental difference that breaks a relationship. You both need to decide if you are willing to be ok with this. If she wants to take so long getting ready, that’s fine, but if you can’t agree on a way around this, you aren’t compatible.
Either she starts getting ready earlier or you accept leaving later. If neither of those things is acceptable you’re going to resent each other.” Attirey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a wedding ceremony starts at 2 PM, you want to be at the venue at least 30-45 minutes ahead of that to get parked, enter, find your seats, etc. You do not want to be pulling into the parking lot at 1:55, it’s rude.
You were aiming to give yourself an hour buffer of arriving at 1 PM. Thanks to Hannah’s thoughtlessness, you were probably a lot closer to 1:30 PM or later.
You told Hannah when you needed to leave. You reminded her repeatedly you needed to go, and she still ended up at home because she couldn’t get herself together when you gave her 30 extra minutes.
And then she has the audacity to throw a fit about it?
You invited Hannah to share a special family day with you and she disrespected it and you by treating your time and the event start time callously. SHE owes YOU an apology, not the other way around.
And if she isn’t willing to give it, I would think hard if this is an experience you want to keep repeating for all future important events.” NerdySwampWitch40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So the ceremony STARTED at 2 pm and it takes 2 hours to get there.
You’ve got to factor in traffic and finding a place to park, plus you don’t want to be walking in AT 2 pm you need to be sat down by then.
Her not being ready by 11:30 was ridiculous. You weren’t trying to be early you were getting there on time.
I would have done the same as you, you gave plenty of warning but ultimately you don’t want to be late.
She needs to get her priorities in order and ensure that she sticks to a schedule. This just shows a lack of maturity and time management on her part.” FlyGuy1922
13. AITJ For Making My Nieces Stick To The Budget?
“My family is renting a house for the weekend, and I volunteered to do the grocery run. I also said I would take the kids with me so they weren’t underfoot while everyone unpacked. Two are mine. Two are my sister’s and one is my brother’s.
While at the store I said each kid could have a discretionary budget of $10 for snack food. Keep in mind that that’s $50 altogether.
One of my sister’s kids wanted a box of gushers and two of the tins of blue diamond almonds. That’s $13 altogether. I suggested she put back the tins and get a bag of the store brand instead, which is actually more almonds, weight-wise, and would put her at right around that $10 mark.
She said she didn’t want to because she wanted those flavors. I suggested she put back the gushers and get a cheaper candy then. She started to cry, so I said I was sorry, but she needed to decide what she wanted most because she can’t have everything.
She got two bags of gummies instead of the gushers and she was put out, but the situation was resolved. Then she saw what my kids got. They both got store-brand stuff, so they had a ton. They got multiple of the 98¢ bags of great value candy, a huge bag of chips each, and a bunch of those girl scout knockoff cookies.
They were both at $10.
My niece started crying, asking why they got more. When her sister realized my kids got more than her too, she also started crying. I explained that some brands are less expensive and said we could pick out other snacks for them so they could also get more, but they wanted the snacks they had, just in equal quantities to what my kids got.
Then my nephew joined in and said he also wanted more. At that point I was exhausted, so I just took the kids to check out and bought everything and we left.
When we got back I started putting groceries away. My nieces ran to their mom and complained about all the snacks my kids got.
Instead of telling them to be appreciative that I took them to get stuff they wanted, my sister came over and asked why I wouldn’t get her kids what they wanted. I explained that if I raised their price ceiling to $15 I’d have to for the other three, and then I’d be paying $75 for junk in addition to the $200 for regular groceries.
My sister rolled her eyes and called me a miser. I was really mad because I just spent $250 on food for our whole family and don’t even get a thank you. My husband said it’s not worth being upset about, but I am upset. My brother said I wasn’t wrong to want to treat the kids equally, but if I let my niece buy her initial choices, no one would have realized she went over and the whole situation would have been avoided.
So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For one, your sister should be grateful that you bought snacks for her kids with your own money, instead of acting entitled.
Also, it would not have been fair if the kids didn’t get the same amount.
You suggested store brand, cheaper stuff, so your nieces could get more value for money, but they refused.
And most importantly, kids need to learn that you can’t have everything you want. That things cost and you have to prioritize how you spend your money.
It’s okay to make them choose. It’s okay to say no, we don’t have money for that.” Elinesvendsen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not sure how long ago this happened, but if very recently, your sister may come around and realize you were teaching her kids a valuable lesson once emotions cool down.
It wasn’t unreasonable for her to react the way she did, especially if her kids are very young, but if this happened more than a few days ago and she’s still bitter about it she’s the jerk. Either way, you should not regret the way you handled the situation in the grocery store, maybe down the line your nieces will recognize that you’re the aunt that keeps it real.” TangerineDependent32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is failing them by not teaching them how to budget and the value of money. She’s also teaching them fundamentally bad behavior since it looks like what she’s modeling for them is that they can cry and then they just get what they want and that if somebody doesn’t give them what they want, they can run to their mom and she will try to bully you out of your money.
Your husband is wrong to be dismissive. Your sister Is being disrespectful to you and his saying that you should just give in when this happens and let your nieces walk all over you is a problem. Your spouse should be having your back and matters like this because it is not your job when you are volunteering for free to also buy your nieces whatever they want.
And to eat disrespect from your sister when you watched her children for free. Why is your brother so comfortable jumping in here to tell you that you shouldn’t have boundaries? Why is everyone being a jerk to you? Gosh.” JCBashBash
12. AITJ For Stating The Reasons Why A Friend Can't Stay With Me?
“I’m aware that I (29F) am very difficult to live with. While some of that is based on my choices, more is due to health issues out of my control. I haven’t had a roommate since college and I’m not looking to ever have one again.
I own a small 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. A casual friend Lia lost her apartment recently and has had a terrible time finding something in her budget & has asked me if she could stay with me for ~2 months. I know she must be desperate because we are not close so I felt horrible telling her no. She begged me to reconsider and didn’t seem to grasp that I wasn’t saying no just to avoid inconvenience, I really did not think it was a viable option.
She didn’t let it go so I sent her a list of my requirements:
Most of my kitchen equipment (cutting boards, toaster, etc) is off-limits. I have celiac disease and several food allergies, & I keep loosely kosher (out of everything, this is the thing I’d be most willing to bend on).
I would allow bacon, pasta, etc on my stove but it would need to be in her own pans and all dishes must be covered in the oven. We would each need our own microwave covers and they would need to be used every time.
I need bathroom priority. Even avoiding foods that make me ill, I have severe digestive & bladder issues. If I say I need the bathroom, I need it now.
I would have to move my work area into the living room to provide a bedroom for her & my work involves confidential client information, meaning she couldn’t be home during my work hours unless she stayed in her bedroom.
My bedroom isn’t big enough to accommodate a desk.
I can’t allow her dog in my home. My cats are siblings who survived a dog attack when they were kittens (one lost a leg, the other an eye) & they are terrified of dogs. We have a mutual friend who is willing to foster her dog (no space for an extra human tho) so she would not have to surrender but my house is not large enough to provide the cats sufficient space away from a dog.
Also on bad days, I tend to roll around in a desk chair if I’m too unsteady on my feet. A dog underfoot impacts my ability to move about the house.
Most scents trigger migraines for me, meaning I would not want her using scented laundry products, perfume, or candles in my home.
I also need it to be quiet if a migraine does occur so music/tv needs to be turned off upon request or switched to headphones.
I intended this list as a way to demonstrate why it could not work – I don’t expect anyone to agree to it – but Lia got very upset with me and my ‘insane rules’ & accused me of imposing impossible standards on a vulnerable woman while dangling housing in front of her like a carrot.
I didn’t mean for it to be like that, I only wanted to show that my hesitation wasn’t born out of pure selfishness but out of concern for my well-being. Now I am feeling guilty and like I shouldn’t have explained the rules knowing that they likely couldn’t be met.
I think it might have been kinder to just say no, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You said No to begin with and she wouldn’t take No for an answer. It does sound extremely difficult for you to stay healthy and be a roommate, you’re being honest about it.
As difficult as your rules would be; if somebody COULD follow them (while vigilantly looking for a new apartment of their own) you’d allow them to stay. You even found lodging for the dog. Honestly, if somebody was truly desperate – they’d just store their daily needs & a few clothes at your home, and spend as much time at work & apt hunting as possible, and just NOT use your kitchen.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your home, and you can decide who lives there. Please just say no. No is a complete sentence. Tell her no and wish her well. You have to do this because you know that she will never comply with your rules, and now you know how she will act when she isn’t complying with the rules.
She will throw a fit and blame you. You do not want her in your house. You already knew that you didn’t want her in your house, and you really should have just stood your ground at the start. People need to take ‘no’ for an answer without argument, and people like you need to just use the word no. I’m sorry, no, I can’t.
No rules. No explanations. No arguments. Just no.” MissAnth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You neither owed her a room nor an explanation. In the future, remember that ‘No,’ is a complete sentence, and you’re allowed to use it.
In this scenario, given that you’re friends, you probably could have said something like, ‘I’m sorry you’re having trouble finding a new place.
My place is not an option, but I’m happy to help you with your search.’ If she pressed you for a reason, you could try something that tends to work for me when people ask an intrusive or inappropriate question: Smile and say, ‘What a funny thing to ask.’ Or ‘Why would I need to answer that?’
Sometimes people forget that they’re not entitled to what they want. It’s ok to push back without defending yourself. You don’t owe her an explanation.” AlphabetSoup51
11. WIBTJ If I Kick My Brother Out?
“Currently my brother (20) lives with my fiance (26 M) and me (25F). I inherited my house from my dad when he passed, and fortunately, I don’t have to pay much in property taxes, so when my brother moved in, I told him that he didn’t need to pay any rent, but he did need to pitch in for things like utilities and also just his share of household things such as chores.
My brother has been living with us for 4 months and he doesn’t chip in for anything. It’s not even about the money at this point it’s his complete disrespect for the house. He’s a grown man yet he doesn’t clean up after himself. For example, if myself or my fiance loads the dishwasher and cleans the entire kitchen, he comes by minutes later and makes a meal with what seems like every dish in the kitchen and just leaves the mess there.
He leaves his clothes all over the living room, despite having his own room. He even leaves his used tissues on countertops. Both I and my fiancé have had multiple talks with him about it and he says that he’ll change those things, but doesn’t.
However, the icing on the cake for me was last night/early this morning. After a night out, my brother comes back with takeout that consisted of something with chicken containing bones. He then disposes of said bones in the kitchen garbage bin. I asked him once he was done if he could take the trash out because we have 3 dogs, one of them being his dog and he told me 3 times that he would.
Around 1 am, my fiance heard rustling downstairs so he went down to check and one of my dogs had gotten to the garbage because my brother didn’t close the pet gate to the kitchen or took out the trash. My dog ended up choking on the bones and threw up b***d.
We had to rush her to the vet and we spent all morning worrying/crying because we didn’t know what was going to happen. Thankfully our dog is okay now, but that vet visit put us in the hole for 5,000 dollars and I’m over my brother’s blatant disregard for everyone else in the house.
I’m contemplating giving him a 30-day notice to get out. WIBTJ?
Edit: The house is mine, we have different dads.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Look up the eviction process in your location. Prepare to follow it.
Then confront your brother and tell him he needs to find a new place to live because he’s had 4 months to get himself together and he has chosen not to.
If he moves out without the eviction process, great. If he’s not actively trying to find a new place within the week, start the eviction process as laws and regulations indicate in your location.” dublos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bro is the jerk for putting your dog’s life at risk and causing the vet bill by ignoring your request about the bones.
He also sounds irresponsible and slovenly, even after you have both talked to him about those issues. You don’t have to put up with him disrespecting your house and requests just because he’s your brother. Family does not have the right to treat you poorly any more than other people.
I would bill him for the vet expenses and start the eviction process immediately if he would not willingly move out.” kyadyam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your freeloading brother needs to go. Give him one week to make arrangements with the clearest of messages that if he doesn’t make those arrangements, he’s still out of your house.
Not only has he disrespected your home, but he’s also disregarded your and your fiance’s requests and even endangered the life of your pet. Nope, absolutely not he has worn out his welcome. NTJ.” LostBody3801
10. AITJ For Not Returning A Wedding Present?
“I was raised Catholic, but I now consider myself to be a non-denominational spiritualist. I believe in God, but I’m not sure which religion is right (although I really hope it’s not catholicism).
My wife was not raised Christian and has a similar stance to me. Our wedding ceremony was non-denominational.
My aunt was invited to my wedding, but she couldn’t make the trip and declined with a gift. She got us something from our registry. She recently contacted me and told me that my mom told her there was no priest at our wedding.
I confirmed that this was accurate.
She then said, ‘so you aren’t really married.’ I said we are married. We went back and forth a few times, but in the end, she said she wanted the wedding present she got us back. I said no, that you can’t ungift a wedding gift. It’s already been given.
She said wedding gifts are to celebrate marriages and we aren’t married. I hung up.
My mom says she disagrees with her sister, but she has the right not to support our marriage with a gift if she doesn’t want to. I agree. But she already sent a gift. And, if she hadn’t bought that, someone else might have gotten it off the registry.
She’s free to never gift me anything again, but I’m not sending this back. I am married.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The wedding happened, and the only reason she would have a place to ask for the gift bag is if you actually hadn’t gotten married. Her going out of her way to disrespect your marriage is wrong.
The way you need a fight about this with your mother is ‘are you telling me you don’t think my marriage is real? Because you siding with your sister on this is you saying that you agree with her.’ Cuz that sounds like that’s your real problem, like the ant can go screw herself, but the fact that your mom is telling you to lay down and take that disrespect and that she is siding with her sister over you is a real problem.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, marriage is before the state, not God. The priest can say whatever he wants, and the only way he marries anyone is by getting state-certified (super easy, anyone can do it) and following the law of the land over the law of their God.
The priest thinking it’s not a big deal to marry several people at once is irrelevant, he gets jailed if he attempts to use state power to proclaim someone married to several people. It’s perfectly fine if he just holds the church ceremony that doesn’t actually marry the couple.
Because marriage is always determined by the state and never by anyone else. Not priests, not deities, only bureaucrats.” OneJobToRuleThemAll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yeah, she called you up to tell you ‘you’re not really married’ which is a direct attack on your character. Anyone who knows religiosity knows how to read between these lines.
Perhaps you should simply tell her ‘You supported my un-sanctioned union with a gift — therefore you’re just as culpable in this as I am. That gift was a sign before myself, everyone at the wedding, and God himself that you supported this unholy union!
May God have mercy upon your soul!’
Realistically, I might send it back, just so that she wouldn’t have any ‘ammo’ to hold against me in the future. Having said that, I also wouldn’t choose to speak to someone who impugns the validity of my marriage.
It’s a direct attack on your character, and that’s what religious narcissists are most famous for.” hopscotchcaptain
9. AITJ For Saying My Parents Are Medically Negligent?
“So, I (F17) started having my period at the age of 9.
While for the first year and a half or so, it was irregular, over time it normalized and began following a pattern. Over the past year; however, they have been highly erratic (I’ve only had it 6 times in 12 months).
I’ve tried to approach my parents about this and my father refuses to listen; whilst my mother simply brushes it under the rug saying it’s ‘normal.’ From the research I have done, I have found that it is, in fact, something to at least be slightly concerned about – especially considering that now when I have it I’m in excruciating pain (far more than ever before in my life).
About three months ago, my parents finally booked an appointment with a gynecologist, yet every time the appointment comes around, there’s a new reason to cancel.
Yesterday, they canceled it for the seventh time and I blew up, telling my parents (as I have been for months) that I’m terrified this could be something bad and that what they’ve done is medically negligent and downright stupid, especially since we’ve followed a very similar pattern with overdue visits to the dentist (for braces and cavity fillings I’ve needed for a year) and the ophthalmologist (because my eyesight has deteriorated and I haven’t been able to see objects far away particularly clearly for four or five months).
They, in turn, got extremely offended, cursed me, and called me a spoiled brat, a jerk, and a witch for daring to accuse them of such things. Additionally, they said I’m being weak since I can’t deal with these minor issues and should try home remedies which are exponentially better than anything a doctor could give – possibly due to their beliefs centered around anti-immunization and anti-medication.
They also made it a point to call my rather strict grandparents who reprimanded me for speaking out to my parents.
Now, I’m worried I may have taken it too far and shouldn’t have called them the things I did. So, AITJ?
Edit I: I’d like to clarify that both my parents are extremely well off – they work in the engineering industry and have huge inheritances, and own several properties.
Edit II: I’m terrified of approaching my school since the last time I did it ended really badly. I told a teacher about the fact that my parents were withholding my depression medication (a few years ago), and despite promising to not tell them, she did and I got into a lot of trouble later on.
A friend also had a similar experience with physical violence from her parents. Hence, I don’t see them doing anything of consequence to help me.
Edit III: Additionally, the country I live in does not allow me to arrange an appointment with the doctor without parental permission, so that is also a dead end.
And, the CPS equivalent we have is susceptible to bribery, often turning a blind eye when paid to ignore cases not involving physical mistreatment, so that’s also not going be very fruitful.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG. No. You’re NTJ. This sounds like it could likely be endometriosis and needs to be treated. I can only imagine the pain if so.
It can destroy your ability to have children later (if that matters to you) or worse if left untreated. Add that to the other medical attention of which you’re being deprived and I would honestly call CPS if I were you. If you have your own insurance card from your parents then you can go to the doctor yourself, but they’d get the copay bill.
I’m thinking maybe your parents don’t have insurance though, given what you’ve said. So maybe talk to a counselor or nurse at school (if there is one) and they can get you help. I’m so sorry, OP. But you are definitely being neglected here and are NTJ in any sense.” telekelley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP this isn’t negligence on their part its crossed the line into mistreatment. I’m not going to get into the whole immunization thing but like, your vision is bad. You need glasses. This is not a maybe thing this is a CONCRETE issue that is going to impact your entire life!
They are literally harming you by not allowing you to go to the doctor and I’m so sorry. I really don’t know enough about your situation to suggest courses of action but I WILL say
You would be fully justified in calling CPS on them.
Like I cannot stress enough that what they are doing is wrong and harmful and you WILL be dealing with health issues for years if not your whole life because they are such major jerks.
I know you’re only 17 but if I were you I would start doing anything I can to save (AND HIDE) money and my important documents (birth certificate, social security card) so I could get out the instant I turned 18.
This internet stranger is sending you hugs OP.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are. This is medical neglect, including dental/vision issues too. Someone (even you) could report them to CPS, or a similar agency wherever you live. It is reasonable for you to be concerned about your health, and they should be too.
I’m not surprised they reacted poorly to being accused of negligence. You are not wrong though, and their reaction was out of line. Calling you names was rude and immature at best, and just bad parenting. Perhaps if it were done in a more calm manner, they would understand better (instead of blowing up at them).
People rarely react calmly and rationally when being yelled at. I would apologize for yelling at them but insist that you really need them to take your medical concerns seriously. Hopefully, they know how wrong they are and might apologize as well.” kyadyam
8. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Move Out If She Doesn't Want To Live With Her Sister?
“I have two daughters, Chloe (F23) and Lorna (F19).
My husband and I are fortunate enough to own two properties. We own our primary home where we live in our rural hometown and a small two-bedroom apartment in the city that’s around a 3-hour drive away.
We purchased the apartment around 5 years ago with the original intention of using it to have spontaneous weekends away. However, two years ago, Chloe got accepted into a university that was in that city.
We decided to let Chloe stay in the apartment, and we’d pay all the utilities.
Chloe is still staying in the apartment and has another two years left of her degree.
This year, Lorna got accepted into the same university and she asked us if she could stay in the apartment with Chloe. We didn’t see why not and informed Chloe that her sister was going to be joining her.
Chloe was really angry and said that we should’ve asked her if it was okay, and said that she needs her own space. We reminded Chloe that they’ll be able to have their own bedrooms and that it’s only a temporary arrangement until she graduates and finds a job.
Chloe told us that’s not the point. She said that she already uses the spare bedroom as her study room and that she doesn’t want to live with Lorna. She said that Lorna is annoying and that she likes living on her own.
My husband reminded Chloe that she was staying in the apartment for free and that Lorna has just as much right to be there as she does and that they can figure out on their own how to not get on each other’s nerves.
Lorna moved in at the start of the semester around 2 months ago. At first, it seemed to be going well, I regularly check up on both Chloe and Lorna and they didn’t mention any problems.
Last week, Chloe called me and demanded that I kick Lorna out.
She said that she can’t stand living with Lorna anymore and that she needs to have her own place.
I asked Chloe what was going on and she described very petty problems such as Lorna’s room being messy, not having a study room, not being able to play the TV on loud at night, etc. I told Chloe that that’s the reality of living with other people and that she needs to learn how to compromise, and that we aren’t kicking Lorna out.
Chloe protested and said that she was living there first and implied that Lorna should live in dorms because she was younger. She kept talking over me and shouting into the phone when I was trying to explain that would be unreasonable. I eventually lost my temper and told Chloe if she doesn’t like it she can move out and pay rent and bills elsewhere.
Chloe started crying and said that I should be more understanding then hung up the phone.
My husband thinks that Chloe is just acting like a brat and that we shouldn’t entertain it, and that my response was fine. But Chloe has been ignoring my texts and calls and is clearly upset by my comment so I’m wondering if I was wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Occupying solo a two-bedroom apartment as an undergraduate is a rare luxury. Your daughter, however, seems to think she’s entitled to it. You rightly set her straight and don’t second-guess yourself on this.
You should remind her that this apartment was never intended specifically as her domicile, it was to be your and your husband’s small home, an opportunity you have deferred in favor of allocating a family resource to whom it is of the most use.
She obviously thinks you can afford separate housing for her sister so she is not only trying to claim the apartment as hers, she is trying to manipulate how you and your husband spend your money.” Total-News3680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chloe is acting like a spoiled brat because she is one.
I think you should have a talk with both girls since both need to learn to live with each other. The key is that you can’t tell them what to do. They both have to want to do it.
Talk to them separately about what could improve then bring them together and ask them how they can compromise on these items so both girls can be happy.
Also, ask them what happens if they don’t do what they say they will do. What happens if Lorna doesn’t clean up after herself? What happens if Chloe blasts loud movies at night? Don’t threaten them. Just ask them what they think should happen if they don’t follow up on their promises.
Remember, don’t tell them what to do. They are adults now. That won’t work. And don’t make any threats (kicking them out) if you are not emotionally prepared to see them through. I know you didn’t do it in your post, but this thought could cross your mind if discussions get heated. The moment you set boundaries and allow them to break them without consequences, you are teaching them that your word holds little weight.” AlphaKennyWhere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chloe is living in the apartment expense free, which is something many people don’t have the luxury of. You and your husband own the property, and you graciously have given her this option. It is selfish and ungrateful of her to demand that you not give your other daughter, Lorna, the same deal that you gave Chloe.
How would Chloe feel if she was the younger daughter and Lorna demanded to have the apartment to herself expense free while Chloe had to go live in a dorm?
I get that Chloe has settled into the space and that harmony she found was disrupted. But Chloe doesn’t pay the bills, and she is acting very entitled and selfish towards the generosity you have shown her.
If she hates living with her sister so much, she can move out and rent her own place. Which I’m sure would take some sacrifices, but Chloe got to live there on her own for two years, while Lorna has shared the space with Chloe during her entire tenancy.
Chloe seems very out of touch.” Lalalabambi
7. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law's Husband Where She Is?
“Whenever my sister-in-law is angry with her husband, she leaves and refuses to tell him where she is until she’s calmed down and forgiven him for whatever happened. After their most recent fight, she decided to come to visit us without telling her husband she would be.
He was calling and texting her, family, and friends nonstop trying to find out where she was but my sister-in-law was refusing to respond to him. He was genuinely distressed because she was pregnant and he thought something bad had happened to her, so I told him she was staying with us and that she was fine.
My sister-in-law got angry at me for telling him and has been complaining to my husband about how I was awful for not supporting her while she needed space from her husband. My husband thinks I should’ve just stayed out of it but admits if he had been in our brother-in-law’s position he would’ve wanted to know where I was.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His knowing where she is doesn’t have anything to do with space. And you’re not required to lie for her if you don’t want to. I’m not sure how you divulging that she’s at your place is being unsupportive of her, it was an A and B conversation between you and her husband.
She needed to C her way out of it.
And now she probably won’t want to hide away at your place anymore because she won’t trust you to keep the secret. So the drama stays out of your household. I personally think it’s pretty crappy of her to keep her whereabouts secret if she’s staying gone for more than an hour.
She can blow off steam away from him while also not making him worry about her.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We’re talking about a pregnant woman here. The husband has the right to know where she is. That’s called being a concerned spouse.
Honestly, running away from home every time you fight with your spouse just shows how immature you are but hey, to each their own.
If she wasn’t pregnant, then you might be a soft jerk, but she is. At least now, her husband knows that she’s safe. God knows how long it’ll take your SIL to get over the argument with her husband.
Your husband said you should’ve stayed out of it but in the end, admitted that he would want to know where his wife is.
If your SIL stays over at your place whenever she has a row with her husband, you should have a talk with him about it. You can’t stay out of her marital affairs if she’s constantly looking for you guys as an escape.” Thin_Appointment_861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not 100% sure though.
Really black and white: she comes to your house and your space. You have every right to be open about what’s happening in your house unless it would do harm to other people.
I just want to say, her husband may be super toxic and harmful, and then she legitimately could need someplace out where he wouldn’t find her… Her being pregnant and him potentially being harmful is an even more nasty combination.
You maybe don’t know what their problems may be about and how severe they might be. I mean: her husband might even be very nice and considerate to you guys but not so much to his wife once she gets home…” VictoriousSeahorse
6. AITJ For Getting Haircuts For Me And My Siblings?
“In my family, there’s me (21f), Ethan (17m), Matt (14m), and Jen (12f). There are also our parents.
Ethan is a bit reckless and impulsive and does things without thinking.
He’s better now but it used to be an actual problem. Like he used to steal and needed professional help because he couldn’t control his urges.
Anyways, Ethan has been telling me that he wants to do something different with his hair but he doesn’t want to upset our mom.
For context, he has gorgeous thick blonde hair and our mom loves it. It’s her favorite thing. The rest of us got boring brown hair that doesn’t have the same ‘shine’ lol.
I told Ethan to do what he wants because it’s just hair and he ended up getting a mullet sort of thing.
I think he looks great and he honestly suits it pretty well.
But apparently, our mom cried when she saw it and had a breakdown. She then accused him of not being able to control his impulses again and threatened to send him back to an inpatient facility (over hair?
I mean I don’t think she meant it literally but still, gosh).
Ethan told all of us (me, Matt, and Jen) what happened and we jokingly decided to change up our hair too. Well we actually decided to go through with it and I got a pixie cut, Matt buzzed his hair then dyed it and Jen got a cut and dyed a few strands pink.
I paid for everyone.
We honestly didn’t think our mom would care that much since she’s never really cared about our hair like she cares about Ethan’s but she freaked and when she found out I paid for it and encouraged it she lost it on me.
She said that I was being unnecessarily petty and that she expected better from me since I’m the oldest, an adult and I’m so mature or whatever.
She now keeps asking me if I‘m proud of myself. I don’t know, to be honest, I genuinely didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, I just thought her accusing Ethan of being reckless again just because he did something she doesn’t like was unfair.
My siblings and I also sort of wanted to ask if his getting a haircut means he’s mentally unwell, then does that mean we are too? I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother, however…
Threatening to institutionalize someone against their will is not OK.
Even if that facility helped Ethan, I’m sure just having to be there was a traumatic experience for him, so the suggestion that he would be sent back for this is way over the line. When things calm down a bit, I hope you can have a talk with her about that.
Mental health care is already stigmatized enough. She doesn’t need to be using it as a threat.” nosecohn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is being a bit ridiculous. Ethan’s hair will grow out, and he could get the mullet trimmed into a shorter style she might like better.
I really don’t see how she thinks he was being reckless. He didn’t shave his head or style his hair into a multi-colored mohawk. Many young people around his age (and around your age) play around with hairstyles and colors, clothing styles, and makeup as they transition from being little kids to adulthood.
It’s a normal part of growing up.
Your mom needs to chill out. Her son is growing up.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; parents can be weird about bodily autonomy and appearances. It sounds like she put a lot of emotional investment in his hair, and that’s not fair to anyone; you and Ethan both are living under unreasonable expectations because that’s not her hair.
Full stop. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of him. He didn’t do anything harmful, you were there to talk him through his urges, every other person consented, and you’re all of an age where self-expression is at a premium.
If your mom cares more about a kid’s hair than her actual children’s wellbeing, she’s about to lose both.” thaodckite
If she really thinks threatening institutionalization is the best and proper response to her son getting a haircut she doesn't like, then maybe SHE is the one that needs to be institutionalized, not him.
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Skip Her Sister's Birthday Dinner?
“A few days ago, my daughter Sheila (F18) was dumped by her partner of two years. She’s been taking it really hard, crying and staying in her bed all day for the past few days. My wife Carly (F52) and I (M50) have been doing our best to support her, but Sheila’s been devastated. She hasn’t told us why they broke up.
Anyway, my other daughter Tory (F23) is coming home for the weekend from her college city, as it’s her birthday. We were all planning on having a birthday dinner at Tory’s favorite restaurant. Tory spent the entire summer in Seattle for an internship, so we haven’t gotten to see her much this year.
Thus, we cherish it whenever the family gets together.
However, Shiela said that she wasn’t feeling up for the birthday dinner due to her being depressed over the breakup. She also said she’s gonna need a long time to recover, and that Tory already said she was fine with Shiela skipping the dinner to recover.
I told Shiela I’m doing my best to be empathetic, but we all don’t get to see Tory often. I said I understood the breakup was painful, but she wasn’t ever gonna feel better until she eventually got out of bed. If anything, I said seeing her sister again could probably put her in a better mood.
Shiela said again that Tory was fine with it, and Carly mentioned that she could’ve been lying to avoid hurting Shiela.
Shiela lashed out and accused us both of being selfish. I said that we could talk about this in a civil manner, but Shiela told me the breakup was still fresh and needed to mourn the last two years of love.
I said I understood that, but it would just be really nice to get the family all together to have some fun. Shiela lashed out and told me to stop changing her mind. I said again that she WAS going to the dinner, and Shiela stormed up to her room.
It’s been an hour, and Shiela hasn’t come out of her room. I’ve been downstairs thinking about all this. Carly said both Shiela and I were being a bit close-minded, but I’m starting to wonder if I screwed up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Both your daughters are adults.
They can work this out themselves.
If Tory is okay with this (double check with Tory) then let the girls sort this.
Maybe they’ll do something quiet with just the two of them, where they can talk sister-to-sister, which may be helpful to Sheila when a family dinner might be overwhelming and require too much pretending that everything is fine.
Your wanting a nice family dinner is not a reason to have Tory’s birthday celebration affected by an unhappy Sheila struggling to cope with the loss of her relationship or justification for demanding Sheila show up and pretend everything is Happy Family when she’s actually very unhappy.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sheila is both an adult and a teenager, and you need to make allowances for both. Make allowances for her being a teenager. She just has a breakup and when you are a teen, that kind of thing hits hard. There is also a good chance this was her first serious relationship… or the first relationship she thought was serious.
Respect that she is a teen and that she is going to grieve for a while.
Also, respect that she is an adult. If you want to get the family together to go out and you like that, it is fair to tell her that.
If you think that she should be there for her sister’s birthday, it is also fair to tell her that. If you think the best way to get past her grief is to seize life by the horns again… also fair.
That all falls under the rubric of giving her advice.
But if she says no, and she wants to sit in her room listening to depressing love songs, cry, and write awful, despondent poetry (or whatever she wants to do), then you need to let her do that. At eighteen, she is an adult, and she is entitled to handle her grief in whatever way she chooses unless she is likely to harm herself or others.
Respect her adulthood.
Is her older sister going to be hurt that Little Sis missed her birthday dinner? Maybe yes. Maybe no. But that emotion is something the two sisters need to work out between themselves, without you telling them what to do.
Let this be.
Let your younger daughter grieve, and go out to birthday dinner with your older daughter.
And while you are out, call your younger daughter, tell her how sorry you are for minimizing her feelings and being an overbearing parent, and ask her if she would like you to bring something home.
Even if she says no, get something you know she likes and leave it in the refrigerator without comment.” VerySurlyPerson
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Birthdays come around every year. Her first big heartbreak is a thing she needs to work through. And it’s only been a few days, not a few weeks.
Don’t rush her mental or emotional health. That’s not good. It makes her feel like you’re not supportive because you’re essentially saying ‘slap on a smile and pretend you feel better for the happiness of others because you don’t matter’. She matters. And to her, this is the most important thing in her life right now.
Also, Tory doesn’t care, so why do you? Tory gets it.
By the way, she’s not going to have ‘fun’ if you force her to go to a party. What do you think, she’s just going to be made to be happy when she’s not.
Tory gets it, man. She doesn’t want her sad heartbroken sister at her birthday party. Even if it’s for selfish reasons. Your family is full of individuals and you are not the puppet master that gets to dictate where they go/how they feel. She can’t have fun right now and she’s going to wind up spoiling it because she’s in a bad mood, you’re making her be there, and Tory’s going to be mad at -you- for forcing her sister to be where she doesn’t want to be and making it about this fight instead of being a family.
Let her stay home. Go have fun with the rest of the family. You can’t force fun, OP.” DNRmyDNA
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover Up My Scars?
“I (15f) am receiving punishment at school for telling another kid that I don’t really care if my scars trigger them. I was attacked by a dog when I was 7 and now have scars on my arm and face, I used to cover up by wearing hoodies and masks because I was insecure.
Recently I have started wearing fewer hoodies and more tank tops and t-shirts, but yesterday at school some rando at my school came up to me and told me ‘You should cover up, your scars really trigger me’. I immediately got upset which I guess he could tell due to my facial expression.
(I guess I was smiling a lot because nobody seemed to care about my scars).
I told him that I wasn’t going to cover up just because my scars trigger him and if he doesn’t want to see them then maybe not to look at me.
He left but today I was called into the office, and the principal said I would be receiving an in-school suspension for this week due to ‘making your peers and staff uncomfortable with your physical appearance’. I don’t know if my principal is actually allowed to suspend me for this and I feel super insecure again… AITJ for telling the kid I wasn’t going to cover up?
Quick Edit!: I have told both my mom and my dad and they are angry, they will be going to the school board in the morning, and I will probably be posting an update tomorrow after my parents’ school board meeting
Edit 2: I got some advice to say everything I actually said to the kid, this is what I said to the best that I remember and I did apologize to the kid for my harsh language towards him, ‘What-?
No, I’m not covering my scars because it triggers you, I really don’t care if it triggers you. I mean, you literally have seen them multiple times in the past and it never triggered you then, don’t be a liar.’
UPDATE: So my parents just got back from their meeting, to make a long story short the principal probably will get fired, the kid that told me to cover up is being punished and we aren’t suing.
LOL.
ANOTHER UPDATE: So um my principal wasn’t at school a few days ago and yesterday we were informed he was fired.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cannot believe this is real. Your PRINCIPAL said that your physical appearance is making people uncomfortable.
That’s incredibly insensitive and discriminatory.
You have a right to express yourself however you want (of course in this case, within the confines of your school’s rules), and your appearance should be of nobody else’s concern. Yes, it’s unfortunate that your scars might trigger that person, but you’re not the jerk for simply existing with this physical trait.
It’s not up to you to cover up for someone else’s needs unless you are willing to accommodate their mental health issues.” Maxterchief99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it truly does not matter what you would have said because you didn’t use any slurs on them and turned the conversation on to something new.
Your reaction was entirely limited to reacting to someone going after you for the look on your face and expressing the idea freely that you should be ashamed of your face and that other people should be freely able to speak to you with disrespect.
I am glad your parents are going right to the school board, cuz the principal in this situation must have some bias toward this kid, or they simply don’t want to do their job. Because this kid should no longer be on the canvas because what they did was not just bullying, given that she was going after you about the scarring that you received her in a traumatic event, an argument could be made for it being straight-up discriminatory.
The principal agreeing with that is fundamentally wrong and I hope they receive consequences even more than the kid.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your principal is a jerk. He said your appearance was making your peers uncomfortable because of your scars?! This is unprofessional and you are being discriminated against. As long as you are dressed to school standards he CANNOT make comments about or suspend you because of your appearance.
Glad your parents are going to the school board! Don’t let this make you feel insecure about yourself! Your scars are a part of your past and tell your story. They are part of you and you should embrace them and love everything about yourself.” Cookie1107
3. AITJ For Making My Own Takeout?
“Tonight my wife and I walked down to our local restaurant to order a takeaway pizza.
When we got there they told us that they no longer do takeaways on the weekend.
We decided to sit at a table (they were relatively quiet by the time we got there) and order dine-in, then get takeaway containers and leave. When the food got to our table we ate one slice of pizza each then I asked for takeaway containers so that we could eat at home as we had intended.
As we were leaving we saw the manager, who had told us they no longer do takeaways, and she very abruptly said ‘just a reminder that we don’t do take-away.’
My wife felt bad but I feel like we did nothing wrong at all.
Extra info: We live in Australia where tipping isn’t a thing, so I don’t think that is part of the issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What a strange place to stop doing takeaway. Especially if they serve pizza! I don’t know why the manager said that as you left, you ate a piece there and left. Furthermore, if they have takeaway boxes there’s no reason for them to be so stringent.
Honestly, I’d almost go with ‘no jerks here’. However, unless you guys know this manager it rubs me the wrong way that she would say that. Like you two could’ve just taken your business elsewhere, THEY’RE the ones being inconvenient and not offering the choice anymore.” Lined_the_Street
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for the product. You took your product. The only place that I’ve even heard of these rules is at a buffet. What a rude manager. In the middle of a global recession with skyrocketing food prices, this is surprising to hear of such treatment.” melasuarus
2. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé That He Ruined Our Vacation?
“My fiance (41) is divorced, he shares custody of his 11-year-old & 7-year-old with his ex-wife.
We’ve planned a vacation to a resort and I took care of all reservations and payment but first I had to make absolutely sure he was free on that date (3 days vacation). He gave me the OK to go ahead and proceed with the booking.
2 days before the vacation, his ex called him asking if he’d have the kids after she got into an accident and broke her leg. He took them immediately for the weekend. As soon as I saw them I lost my temper with him. He said it was okay and that he’d either take them with us or postpone.
I had a huge argument with him and he said that I was ruining the vacation with this reaction but I told him that he ruined the vacation the minute he took the kids off his ex. I ended up going to stay with my friend after that.
He’s upset with my reaction saying I’m judging him by his circumstance and making him feel bad for wanting to make sure his kids were taken care of.
Edit, look this isn’t the first time, he’s done this before and caused me to cancel a lot and cost me money and time (off work) as well.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ holy cow.
So the mother of your love life’s kids gets her leg broken, possibly traumatizing the kids who can’t be watched, but you wanna cry and whine about his kids.
Emphasis on ‘his’ kids. Because you surely don’t seem to treat them like your own despite being engaged to the man.
Also… he’s being a FATHER prioritizing his kids over his fiance whose vacation can wait. Have some empathy.
The only reason he’d be the jerk is staying with you honestly. I know I wouldn’t if my SO. treated my children the way you have. I can tell you’d be a horrid stepmother.” azariasin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are in a relationship with someone with kids.
This happens, and if you date someone with kids you need to get used to this. The ex broke her leg so mobility is an issue for her right now (and so would be taking care of her kids).
Understandably, he’d take his kids if she is hurt. It sucks that it happened at this time, not that they call them emergencies for a reason.
You can be upset at the circumstances and bad luck but he’s hardly a jerk or a jerk for being the responsible father.
He didn’t ruin anything on purpose, you should have held your tongue.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“I think you are misplacing your anger here OP.
The problem, in my opinion, isn’t that he took the kids, he is a father, and it’s his job always to put them first. The problem is, he didn’t tell you at all.
You just learned that they were there because you saw them. Was it really that hard calling you saying ‘babe, my kids’ mom has had an accident and I’m very sorry but I need to be there for them so we’ll have to reschedule? I know you put a lot of thought into this so I’ll take care of rescheduling everything’.
Even just letting you know.
He is not treating you as an equal. Not as an adult. You just have to go with his flow.
He had no choice but to take the kids. But he could have dealt with it without forgetting that you exist and can have your own feelings.
In my opinion, when he blamed you for ruining the vacation, that’s because he knew he had screwed up, so it’s better to shift the blame and gaslight you into thinking that’s all you being dramatic.
Don’t get me wrong, you did react dramatically, but only because you displaced your resentment from the way he treats you – as the partner – the must follow – and not his equal, towards him having to be there for his kids.
So you were the jerk, but only slightly. Try to take a step back, or you’ll end up resenting the kids, and that is going to sour your mind.” Dont139
1. AITJ For Leaving My Wife At Home While I And The Kids Go Trick Or Treating?
“I and my wife have been married 10 years and have 3 kids together.
We both have always been a little on the chubby side but don’t get me wrong cause my wife is absolutely gorgeous. In the middle of the global crisis, I saw the numbers about how it hit overweight people harder than others and I started eating right.
Running. And put a weight bench in the garage. I only dropped like 30 pounds but in the past two years, I’ve gone from being afraid of having my shirt off at the pool to being proud of myself in the mirror.
So, boom. Halloween hits.
I had been hyped all month cause I had like a Roman gladiator-type costume to wear out with the kids. We always all wear costumes. I get dressed and we are both getting the kids ready and she doesn’t even put on her robe to be like a fortune teller.
And then she grabs the keys and says everyone ready? It was like 68F out and absolutely beautiful to walk in our little neighborhood. I tell her the kids and I wanted to walk as we are standing in the driveway ready to go. She kinda stamps her foot and just goes back inside.
I and the kids go out and have a blast they were all some variant of a warrior. So we looked pretty cool with our swords marching and collecting candy. One of the houses had a little haunted garage and toys to play with. We stopped there for a bit and I had a few drinks to finish the night.
Exchanged numbers with the family that lives there and headed home.
I get back home and after the kids get to bed. My wife explodes on me saying I smell like tequila and ever since I lost weight I don’t do the same things I used to do (we used to eat ice cream every single Friday like big Coldstone cups now it’s like once every few months).
She even brought up the phone number cause it was written down and I left it on the counter since I forgot my phone when we left. It very clearly had the couple’s name on it so it’s not like was from some floozy. Then she complains we all could have totally driven and I told her just because she doesn’t want to better herself she didn’t have to make me and the kids suffer.
It was harsh but I felt like I was being attacked for no reason.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s feeling insecure because your confidence has gone up since starting to work out/eat better. She wanted you to choose her by choosing to drive and thinks that it’s an indicator of how life will be going forward.
You’ll stop choosing her and choose the people down the street, or the next town over, or choose to move out and be with someone in better shape.
Spend some time with your wife and make her feel special – she sounds scared of losing you and the life you have.” emotionallydented445
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Either one of you could have stepped up and actually communicated whether you were going to walk or drive (or both) to trick or treat.
You went out and left your phone, so she couldn’t even contact you and ask where you were or if you wanted her to drive out and join you.
You couldn’t tell her ‘hey we’re hanging out with x neighbors and having a drink.’ You completely cut her off from Halloween with you and your guys’ kids. Not cool.
Sounds like this has been brewing for a while with both of you.
Her comments about the two of you not doing things together anymore, your comments about how ‘she doesn’t want to better herself’. You say you still think she’s absolutely gorgeous, but you seem to resent her for not losing weight and getting in shape too.
You and the kids didn’t have to ‘suffer’ in any way – you chose to leave her behind.” Swirlyflurry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What were your wife’s feelings when you started to ‘better yourself’? Did you discuss your goals with her and if she wanted to do it together?
It’s not right for her to blow up on you like that cuz it really was not justified. It was a difference between what you+kids wanted to do and what she wanted to do.
She probably feels left behind & is coping with how you’ve changed and that’s fair.
But she can’t take it out on you. She has to discuss her feelings calmly and not take it out on you cuz you did nothing wrong.
Yeah, you were harsh & responding to her verbal attack… but it is what it is. The car would’ve been a non-fun choice.
Can she walk fine without knee pains or something? It’s understandable if she’s in pain & chose the car for that choice… but if it’s cuz she just doesn’t want to walk… she could’ve driven alongside you guys? Either way, you’d have to keep stopping and getting out so it would make no difference to her.
She chose to stay behind. What was the alternative? Don’t take the kids out after they got ready & were excited. Also walking is good for the kids too.” yyyyeahno
Another User Comments:
“I think the problem, and what she is telling you is that since you made that change you have been a different partner.
You used to spend quality time on Fridays by eating ice cream together, to many it’s like a bonding thing. You used to do things with her and understand why she did them (she wants to drive because it is more comfortable) and now you just went without her without even a second to talk to her and try to figure something out together.
You spend more time working out, I assume this cuts time together as well. You were out and get home smelling of tequila and with a number written on a piece of paper, she must have been waiting for you and the kids and to her, it seemed like you ‘abandoned’ (I know she chose to stay but she must feel like you didn’t even try to include her) her and went out and partied and she feels left out.
Like this new, you don’t have a place for her.
She feels that with your change you became more distant towards her.
Your comment was unnecessary and rude. She will do as she pleases as you do. You were a parent before and just because you didn’t do certain things it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
I understand it was in the heat of the moment but she was expressing her concerns (also not in the best way) and you made a comment about her as a parent, and that (in my opinion) is a low blow.
No jerks here/Everyone sucks here” WRose287
