People Want To Confirm If They Have Our Favor Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Getting The Cops Involved With My Parking Problem?
“I moved into a house across the street from a school in May. Had no issues. Beginning of this school year had the same car block my driveway for two weeks. We could barely get our oversized vehicles into the small narrow driveway with the car parked there. There’s also a ‘NO parking 7:30 am-3:30 pm’ sign right there also.
I called the front lobby to ask them to move, next day I asked a worker to ask them to move, following day they were there again around 2:45 pm.
So I left a nice note explaining my husband works rotating shifts and he’s notorious for backing into things and I don’t want their vehicle to end up being hit at some point and if they could please park 5 ft behind where they are parking now. The very next day the car was in the middle of the road parked and traffic could barely get by.
Mind you, we have to deal with a car rider line as well as this specific car parking in front of our driveway.
So I posted on our private social media group asking if anyone else had this issue and if so what did they do? And before anyone suggests it, I DID NOT want the car towed or them to get in any trouble.
That was at 3 pm. Gave no description of the car. 3:45 pm the principal told me to call her directly then had me walk out to explain what the issue is and then proceeded to scold me and essentially told me to shove it that she didn’t want them parking in the parking lot and I couldn’t have them towed. I explained no I didn’t want them towed I just wanted 5 ft to be able to not have to janga my way into my driveway.
6 pm I am cussed out by a teacher and told I had no consideration for teachers and what they do (I have kids, I am also a teacher at another school and would never park in front of someone’s driveway and tell that person to deal with it because previous owners allowed it. Also the previous owners I knew and they didn’t mind because they were not home during the time the car parks there).
I also have been home on maternity leave since school started (had a csection a week after school started) and twisting and turning to get a better view has been hard. She then called me INSANE AND UNSTABLE and blocked me after calling me a liar that I never left a note.
I’m scared for my safety. I go buy the nest security system and it’s been two months.
No other cars park in front of my driveway for more than a day. Nothing is consistent so I don’t do anything. Until Friday, the same car parked in front of my driveway again. I pull in today and with tons of parking spaces in the parking lot and tons of space on the illegal street behind her but she had to park in front of my driveway.
I irrationally called the non-emergency line and reported cars parked on this street during the no-parking hours every single day. then a cop showed up and wrote a warning. I saw and quickly pulled my car into the garage. Now people are outside taking pictures of my house and driveway and screaming on the phone about it. Did I go too far?
I was mad that they got away with cussing me out and my husband thinks I may have been a little irrational but it was my decision and he will stand by it.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to bone up on city parking ordinances. You’re thinking way, way too hard about this. Laws are kind of the bare minimum expectation of civilized behavior/ethics.
It SOUNDS like these folks park illegally. If so, call the non-emergency line every time it happens and submit the report anonymously. No need to set up recording cams and all that shenanigans.
Since you have them, start recording the harassment and documenting it for further action via cams or phone (check your state laws on how many parties must consent to be legally recorded).
Seems you’re taking some steps for this already. But seriously, harassment and illegal parking are just that: illegal. There’s absolutely no call to be as long-suffering as you’ve been.
Cars parked illegally get towed, that’s just what happens. If this was an apartment or downtown in a major city, they’d have been ticketed or towed the first time it happened within 15-30 minutes
NTJ on the situation. You’re a little jerk to yourself for being so passive about this. You say you don’t want to get anyone into trouble, but if that’s the case, then you need to be in a position to let it go.
You’re not. So get them into trouble. That’s all there is to it.” pdubs1900
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the jerk is the person who is parking in front of your driveway daily, especially when they are not meant to park there at those times. You’ve asked them nicely not to and they’ve refused and just because the previous owners allowed it doesn’t mean it’s ok, you are now the new owners and don’t want the car parked there.
They have no right to get annoyed with you, they parked illegally and the consequences are on them not you. Next time call and get it towed. You’ve actually been easy in them and they’ve been nasty to you.” Flat_Librarian_1724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You very reasonably asked that they not block your driveway. You got verbal mistreatment and harassment as a response.
They are parking illegally to start with & they know it. The only option you have left is to call the police regarding the situation.
I’d tell the cops about the previous harassment and ask what they recommend you do in the event that there is retaliation or further incidents.
ETA – One further thought: Since the principal has gotten involved in this, if you have any proof of the phone call still, you might consider filing a complaint with the local school superintendent’s office regarding the conduct of the staff in this situation.” Diasies_inMyHair
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Sister's Surrogate?
“My sister asked me if in the future if she were to find out she can’t carry her own kids if I would be her surrogate. I was honest and said no. I am transgender. I’m not sure I ever want to carry my own kids, let alone someone else’s.
The idea of being pregnant sounds miserable and dysphoric. On top of that, I have a history of eating disorders and pregnancy sounds very triggering for that. We also don’t even know if I could carry children as I have some chronic illnesses. But I don’t think any of these reasons should matter. I feel like any reason I don’t want to be pregnant, whether that’s with my own child or someone else’s is valid.
My sister and I both have been strong advocates for people’s right to choose. So my sister’s reaction when I said I wouldn’t be her surrogate was shocking to me. She said I’m selfish. Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at ALL. No one is ever, every obliged to be a surrogate. It’s something that should only ever be dinner with full free will.
It is utterly bizarre that your sister would feel entitled to your body, even without the additional factors that you mention. The additional fact that this was a hypothetical and she’s not even feeling with the reality of infertility just makes it all the more strange.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ
YOU DO NOT OWE ANYONE THE USE OF YOUR BODY.
Not your sister. Not a fetus. Not for nine months or nine seconds.
It’s absolutely ridiculous for your sister to call you selfish when the entire hypothetical is about HER desire to have a child. Not even to have a child but to have an infant, biologically related to her. There are millions of children in foster care that she could adopt, if/when she wants a child.
There are thousands of willing surrogates that she could go to. IVF and adoption are expensive? So is raising a child! Would she expect you to go through a pregnancy with no compensation? I don’t even think people are allowed to be surrogates if they haven’t already given birth, just so there’s some assurance that their bodies can handle it.
In my opinion, your sister should apologize to you.” F***********s
Another User Comments:
“Not even REMOTELY the jerk. Pregnancy is a huge life-altering, potentially life-threatening personal choice. NO ONE is obligated to choose to carry a child for another person, no matter how close they are. You were asked if you would be willing, and you answered from your heart, and that is the answer.
Not because you don’t love your sister, but because you are not comfortable. And that is enough.” cryptic_rebel
17. AITJ For Arguing With My Best Friend About My Significant Other?
“Since I started going out with my significant other, my best friend has been super weird with him.
She touches him constantly, if we are on the couch watching a movie she would sit between us and put her head on his shoulder and multiple other situations I can write if It’ll give more insight on why I feel this way. I talked to her about it and most things stopped and everything was fine for a while until last Saturday.
I, my SO, and 4 of my friends were getting back from a party (including my BFF) an hour and a half away from my place. I had to sit in the front because I knew the quickest/safest way home and was as sober as my friend that was driving. So my SO and other friends were in the back, when we got into the car she asked my SO if she could sit on his lap, to which he said no.
Today he mentioned what she did and now thinking about the whole situation I’m really angry because I feel like all those talks about respecting boundaries were for nothing. I have talked abt it and she said since she is not the jealous type in relationships, she doesn’t see an issue with her behavior implying I’m the problem because I get jealous for nothing… (which is not how I feel, at all) I’m not sure if I was wrong or not.
And I’m also not sure if starting an issue for this is truly worth it. I
Is it such a big deal? Or am I just getting mad for no reason? So, AITJ for getting mad at my best friend because of this?
Update: I realized how wrong it is to put my SO through such uncomfortable situations, it’s not fair for him no matter how much of a friend she is.
Maybe I was a bit blind to it because now and then he tells me he doesn’t care but I think he just tells me to not make the situation worse/cause any problems. He has been prioritizing my friendship with her telling me everything is fine but thinking about it she does ignore her and if she is going somewhere he doesn’t go or brings friends along to avoid her.
He shouldn’t have to do that for me. He deserves an apology.
It’s hard to question a 10-year relationship where I’ve clearly been gaslit in multiple situations (not only this). My SO is washing the dishes right now and after we will go to bed so I will have a talk with him then.
Update numero dos, maybe the last one for now: had a lengthy talk with my SO.
I started off by asking him to be honest about how my friend’s behavior makes him feel, reassuring him that his feelings were valid and important to me and that even though he is a man, consent is just as important. He opened up and told me it did make him uncomfortable but never wanted to get in between me and my friend, he continued by saying I’m friends with her so he didn’t want to jeopardize that over some ‘silly feelings’.
I made it very clear to him that his feelings were not ‘silly’ and I apologized for letting this go on like nothing by putting all the weight of the situation on him and expecting for him to be the one to set boundaries on his own without being clear about it or asking what he wanted to do first.
I clarified that he is more than welcome to tell her off, and I will not be mad nor blame him if this brings up any issues with my ‘friend’ We agreed that this is a matter between my friend and me and that he should only get involved to set boundaries he feels necessary with her and clarifies what expects when/if we all hang out again since we also talked abt going low contact with her for now.
If this doesn’t work out even with him expressing clear limits to her I will be cutting contact completely for the sake of the person I love and who has done nothing but prioritize my happiness even if it made him uncomfortable. I’m not talking to my friend anytime soon, I’m taking some time away from her to think things through and prioritize my relationship.
If y’all would like I can share some other things she has done in the past so y’all’s b***d can boil too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO needs to shut that crap down.
Your man needs to stand up for himself. He needs to dust off that shiny spine and tell her off. He can’t have you fight his battles, or he will be walked all over.
He needs to learn how to use confrontation to get people to back off.
This is gonna drive a wedge between you 2 because you’re wanting to fight his battles for him and he isn’t doing anything about it.
He’s scared that’s true, but he’s allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable and getting harassed by this chick instead of putting on a front and getting aggressive.
You’re not getting mad for no reason.
She’s flirting with him and he doesn’t seem to be doing anything to stop it.
She’s calling it jealousy because she wants you on the defensive.
Mine would throw her off of him and verbally berate her for being disgusting.” Beneficial_Bat_5656
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This person is not your friend anymore OP… it’s time to come to terms with that.
Keep her away from your SO. He shouldn’t have to endure this harassment from anybody. That is just cruel. Blatantly flirting and using a baby voice and calling him to bed right in front of you. What if he had a male best friend and that ‘friend’ did that to you and your SO didn’t stop it, how would it feel?
She doesn’t care about boundaries and is obsessed with him to the detriment of your friendship. Protect him. Say goodbye to her. She won’t change as she hasn’t already despite your SO saying no and you talking to her.
No means no, no matter the gender and whether you are saying it quietly or saying it loudly. No means no. It’s a full sentence.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have talked to her about her inappropriate behavior toward your partner and set a hard boundary with her for it to stop. That she has done it again and tried to gaslight you with the I’m not the jealous type trying to make you responsible for being upset by her actions is cowardly and manipulative.
Truly she is not a good friend if she cannot respect your boundaries regarding her actions where your SO is concerned. It seems that she needs to be placed on at the minimum a low contact low information diet until she at minimum apologizes for her behavior. To be honest I do not see her stopping this boundary stomping until you are forced to choose between your SO and BFF.” Grannywine
16. AITJ For Selling My House?
“My wife was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. She fought as hard as she could for as long as she could, but she sadly passed away 6-months ago.
We never had kids and both were very career focused. After my wife’s diagnosis, she wanted her parents to move in with us because they lived on the opposite coast of the US and she wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. Our house had plenty of room for them, and I wanted to make my wife as happy as possible with the time she had left, so I agreed.
Her parents are both retired but they aren’t exactly well off. We never asked them to help pay for anything while they lived with us. There was enough stress in our lives already and none of us wanted to add financial issues to that. They helped with groceries from time to time, but we never asked for more than that.
Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with my grief. I feel like a lot of it is connected to our house and everything in it reminding me of my wife. I break down a lot over the tiniest stuff. My in-laws still live here and as far as I know, they haven’t made any arrangements for moving out. For the last month or so, I’ve been contemplating selling the house and pretty much starting over somewhere new to try and get away from so many triggers.
I finally talked with a realtor a couple of weeks ago and I am pretty much set on moving forward with selling the house. I brought it up with my in-laws over this past weekend and it did not go well. They accused me of wanting to ‘erase’ the life that my wife and I built here. They accused me of wanting them out of my life now that my wife is gone.
They told me they have nowhere else to go and I would basically be making them homeless.
I can completely understand their anger and fear. But also, this isn’t their house nor their decision. I am simply wanting to move on from the lowest point in my life. I do not want to erase anything that my wife and I built together.
But I also don’t think I can continue living in this house, it’s just too heartbreaking and I don’t like crying every time a memory gets triggered.
I ended up telling them that they are free to stay here for as long as it takes to sell the house, but I recommend that they start looking into making their own arrangements.
FIL asked if I would be willing to ‘rent’ the house to them so that they don’t have to find a new place, but when I told him what I would expect for monthly payments, he scoffed at it and called me out for trying to ‘capitalize on their grief’ and that their daughter would have never wanted this.
Neither one of them is talking to me now and there is definitely palpable conflict in the air.
I don’t like that it has come to this, but I am making a decision based on what I think is best for me right now. I feel bad for the situation it puts my in-laws in, but I can’t be responsible for their feelings in addition to my own right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you deserve to be able to sell your own house to avoid all these triggers.
Everyone processes grief in different ways, and yours is just as valid a way to process it as others. It’s obviously not healthy for you to live in that house, and they weren’t homeless before moving in with you, so I don’t see why they should be homeless now.
You even told them you’d reconsider selling and just renting the place out, and they scoffed at that idea too when the price was (what I’m imagining) a fair one.
I’d look into a lawyer to begin eviction proceedings. You don’t want to hold off, sell the house, and then get caught with them not being able to be forced out because the process hadn’t started yet. It’s obvious to me that they WILL fight this. It sucks that they’re forcing you into even more grief and stress like this, but you will need to fight hard for yourself and your rights now.
A lawyer can make the process easier.
Finally, not only did you not charge them rent, they didn’t have to donate any money towards utilities or other essentials either. 100% NTJ.” aeterna85
Another User Comments:
“This is such a tragic situation for everyone. NTJ. You have to live your own life the way you think it best. The in-laws moved in so they could spend time with their daughter.
Mission accomplished. Now it’s time for everyone to move on. You did not rescue them from homelessness in the first place so it’s unclear how they could be left homeless after moving from the opposite coast and 2 years of living with you for free. Also when you got married, I’m assuming you did not sign up to take care of her parents for the rest of their lives.
You have given them the decent courtesy of ample notice of what you plan to do. You’re not really obligated to do more.
(I assume that the rent figure you quoted them is the market rate for your area, which is not capitalizing on their grief, it’s just economics.)” GuitarJazzer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They lived with you rent and bill-free.
If they have the sale proceeds from their own condo then they do have somewhere else to go – the nearest realty office – and you are not making them homeless. If they spent that much while living rent-free, well, to be blunt that’s a problem of their own making. I’m not going to guess whether they’re lashing out because of grief or because of greed because it doesn’t matter.
Grief can be a reason for doing something harmful to others, but it’s not an excuse. They need to find their own, healthy ways of working through grief instead of taking it out on you.
That applies to you too, btw. I mean in that you have said you’re having trouble coping with the grief. You’re selling the house which will likely help in cutting down on the memories, but this loss is a tough one.
There are lots of places you can find help for that, from therapy to offline or online support groups to crisis lines. They exist specifically for you and people like you – take advantage of what they’re offering. I can guarantee you that your wife ‘would’ want to know that you’re not going through your loss alone.
As you’re selling, make sure you check with a lawyer as to how to give them notice – timing, method, etc. NOT a realtor, they aren’t a lawyer.
What you’re looking for is exactly what their rights are under your unique circumstances – e.g. I’m guessing you don’t have a written rental agreement in place, so what are their rights in lieu of the same? The lawyer can give you advice on how and when to give them notice in order to minimize the chances of them causing issues at closing (with tenants it’s rather difficult to guarantee no issues, which is why you want to prepare in advance for whatever might come up).
Also ask about how to give notice for a set date rather than ‘when we sell’ because if they start to seem like they might cause trouble for you, changing your mind is a reasonable thing to do and notifying them they need to be gone by (x) date instead of (when it sells) is the safe thing to do, as it gives you time to remedy the situation without causing problems with the actual property sale.
I’m very sorry for your loss.” ISTFMM
15. AITJ For Reporting My Daughter's Substitute Teacher?
“I (35F) have a daughter, Sienna, (15F). I had her pretty young and we have a really good and close relationship.
She tells me a lot of stuff that happens at school but one thing, in particular, stood out to me. Sienna has an IEP (Individualized Education Program) to be able to use the bathroom without a pass, go to the nurse when she needs it, and get water and food when she needs it because she has chronic anemia and sometimes will pass out.
This particular day Sienna woke up late and skipped breakfast to catch the bus. She texted me while I was working and said she didn’t eat and felt like she was gonna have a fainting spell. I instructed her to ask to go to the nurse. She texted me a moment later saying the teacher was telling her she had to wait until 2 other kids came back from the bathroom.
Long story short, the kids were in the bathroom for quite a while, more than 10 minutes according to Sienna and she fainted for a few seconds. I picked her up then I called the school and reported the substitute for negligence. I told my twin sister and my mom about this and both of them said the guy was just doing his job and I shouldn’t have called and made a huge fuss about it.
So AITJ?
Edit: I put IEP on here instead of 504 (The 504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment.). She has both, for different reasons but ultimately it was the 504 plan that would’ve been used here.
My mistake.
Also, yes, my daughter told him she had a 504 and needed medical attention. He still proceeds to tell her that because he doesn’t have proof of her 504, she would simply have to wait.
One more thing, sienna has never been in a situation where she just skipped breakfast. I go to work in spring at the time she gets up.
I’ll go into her room, let her know I’m on my way out, leave her meds out for her, and then leave. If she’s running behind she’ll usually let me know and my mom will go and take her to school. I’m not sure exactly what happened this day and why she chose to skip breakfast to catch the bus when she knows I don’t mind her being late.
We have a very communicative and trustful relationship and I’m trying to get to the bottom of what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The thing is, the sub-teacher wasn’t doing his job. He should have a list of the IEP students and their needs. It doesn’t even make sense that the reason was that 2 students were in the bathroom.
She needed the nurse, not the bathroom. And even if she needed the bathroom, she should be allowed to go whenever she wants, regardless of who else is gone from class.
This is something to discuss with the regular teacher and principal so it doesn’t happen again.
Instruct your daughter that if this ever happens again, she should get up and go to where she needs to be.
An annoyed teacher can be dealt with later.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is your first priority. All children should be their parents’ first priority. Your daughter had a legitimate medical need to go to the nurse’s office to get assistance. Don’t care about the substitute’s rules. I’d text her next time something like this happens that if the teacher doesn’t let her, to just go anyways.
Kudos to you for being such a good mother.
It was well within your rights to complain. This kind of thing is lawsuit worthy. The school should consider themselves lucky if you don’t hire a lawyer for this.” aeterna85
Another User Comments:
“The substitute was not doing his job – if he was he would have let her go to the nurse as was stated in her IEP (as he is required to by law by my understanding).
Assuming that he was informed about the IEP he was very much in the wrong. Even if he wasn’t, I still think it’s unreasonable that he would make a student wait to go the nurse’s office for such arbitrary reasons when they need medical attention – if he does the same thing in the future there could be much worse consequences than fainting (which is already bad enough).
You did the right thing to protect other students. NTJ” Traditional-Okra-937
But if a kid comes to me and says hey need to see a nurse, they can go. Every time.
I ask their name and tell them I'll make a note of what happened, and they can go, Now.
Never mess with a kid who says they need the nurse.
14. AITJ For Not Considering My Step-Family As My Family?
“I (17F) would rather live with my dad, but for school, it’s just a lot more convenient for everyone for me to live with my mom during the week so mostly I’m here to humor my dad. My mom did some stuff during their divorce that I think was trashy, so I don’t really like her very much now but I’ve been trying to just keep things civil until I graduate.
She married a guy with two kids (12M, 9F) at like lightspeed after the divorce, and the whole merging families thing isn’t going well. His kids hate her, I feel kinda neutral about him and just want to be left alone, and the step-siblings and I are ok but mostly they do their own thing and I do mine.
It’s not the happy blended family my mom wanted and she keeps trying to force it and making it worse. Her husband goes along with her, so basically, nobody is happy in that house.
I kinda exploded the hornet’s nest this last weekend because I lost my cool about something my mom has been pushing for a while about the step-family.
She insists on calling my stepdad my dad and the kids my siblings and gets frustrated that I won’t call them that. They’re not. I have a dad, and I didn’t grow up with the kids. I’m not going to pretend.
I finally got tired of it, so when we ran into some of my mom and step-dad’s friends last weekend and he introduced me as his daughter I said ‘I’m not your daughter.’ My mom tried to laugh it off, but the friends looked uncomfortable, and she got mad at me in the car and told me I need to get with the program and stop being a jerk about this.
I told her that he wasn’t my dad, the kids aren’t my siblings, and if she doesn’t get with my program she can be not my mom the minute I turn 18. Big argument. They tried to take my car keys as punishment and when I told my dad since the car is in his name, he called and said that they give either him or me the keys immediately or he’ll get the police involved. So, my mom has been crying and saying I’m a jerk, my stepdad agrees.
12M said he thought it was the best and I’m right. My grandparents came over and tried to talk me into apologizing and going along with things. My dad says they pushed too much and got what they earned but I probably should have just left it alone in the car.
I don’t think it was wrong, but I don’t know if I was a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom is being a selfish jerk, as is stepdad for going along with the charade. While the wedding may have been lightning quick, I think it is safe to assume the relationship had been going on for longer. Mom is delusional here in regards to blending families, especially since all the kids are old enough to clearly see her crap for what it is.
She may be trying to force her fantasy on the world, but reality has other ideas. OP, keep your head down as much as possible, finish school, and get out of there at 18.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s pretty pathetic that a 12-year-old has more common sense and insight than the adults. You still have a dad, he’s clearly involved in your life, and you’re 17!
This man has had no role in your upbringing and even if he did you don’t have to refer to him and his kids as anything it is what they are… your step-family. I mean if you want to take it further he’s not even your stepdad outside of legally so you could simply refer to him as your mother’s husband.
Your mom and her husband are dingbats and your stepbrother is clearly the only one, other than you, with half a brain.” Littlelady0410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it takes a minimum of 5 years for a blended family to gel together as the best outcome. The second you move out or off to college you won’t be around them so even then you wouldn’t blend with them well anyways.
Don’t apologize and stand your ground. Your mother can cry all she wants she’s pushing too much and even his kids aren’t happy about the situation. The kids and your father are backing you up. Your feelings matter too and your mother openly decided to not consider how you’d feel since well you’re 17, nearly 18. The best outcome is once you turn 18 move in with your dad and go low contact or no contact with your mother.” AutisticMuffin97
13. AITJ For Not Bringing My Daughter To Her Mom's House?
“I (27f) have a 6-year-old stepdaughter Becca with my husband Kevin (30m). 50/50 parenting plan with his ex Wendy (32f). I’ve been in Becca’s life since she was a baby and no I was not an affair partner. They mutually chose to split up long befofre I met him.
His ex is super high conflict, tries to keep me from spending any type of bonding with Becca, and just is constantly harassing my husband, me, & his family members.
(That is in the process of being handled in court). Basically, she’s nice when she needs something & we try to all work together for Wendy, and she’s insane when we disagree on something or just randomly when she feels like being crazy, you really never know when she’s going to lose it.
Well, Wendy got her car repoed. And she’s been out of a car for a while, taking Lyfts when she can & getting rides from people.
Well her week came up and she had no one available to give her a ride to pick up Becca from school. So she called me. I’m currently pregnant and the last thing I want to do is interact with her. She just recently emailed my mother asking her to talk to me & ‘tell me to stay out of parenting business’ so she can raise her daughter properly.
Insane. She doesn’t even know my mom which means she searched the internet for her info.
Basically, she asked if I would be willing to drop Becca off to her. I said no. She tried being nice & begging, but I said no. My husband was working so he couldn’t do it. I picked up Becca & brought her to our house and Wendy wasn’t able to pick her up until 3 days later.
My husband said that’s her problem and if she doesn’t have the means to even pick her up from school she has no right to treat me (& him) the way she has & expects me to help her.
On the other hand, my friend is a single mom and she told me that’s not how you co-parent and I (or my husband) should’ve put our differences aside to let Becca see her mom.
Becca did not care and was happy to stay with us. She was also able to call and speak with her mom whenever she wanted (which she didn’t & her mom never called to speak to her). I don’t know, I’m not a bio mom yet (will be soon!) so maybe I’m missing the mark. Wendy is obviously mad and accusing us of alienation.
The paragraphs and calls are nonstop. Coparenting is tough. AITJ?
ETA: The parenting plan says whoever’s week is starting needs to arrange for Becca to be picked up, either by them or a trusted pickup person. This was explicitly explained as if you can’t find someone other than the other co-parent to bring Becca to you, then you forfeit your parenting time and she stays with the other parent until you can arrange a pick-up.
This was put into the plan because my husband and I were exclusively doing all the pick-ups & drop-offs at Wendy’s house.
Both my husband and I told Wendy she is more than welcome to call Becca to talk to her but she never called. And Becca said no every time we asked if she wants to call mommy to say goodnight and would get upset.
Wendy is not an abusive parent from what we know about Becca, just a bare minimum parent, and does all the classic high-conflict things. Withholding her when she doesn’t get what she wants, sending her in tattered clothes with its swap day, harassment, etc.
We also spoke to Becca about what she wanted to do. We explained that mommy is having car trouble (she knows Wendy doesn’t have a car) and asked her if she wanted to be dropped off at mom’s.
She said no & was excited to stay with us. We both asked her separately & together to make sure. Each time she said no. She also said no thank you when we asked if she wanted to call mommy to say goodnight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You cannot have it both ways – ‘stay out of parenting’ and ‘do parent things for me’.
She could have sent a taxi or had a friend or family member pick her up.
OP you have been told to stay out of parenting, picking up and dropping off is a parenting decision unless the parents designate a proxy. Your husband has said no, and as the custodial parent in your home, his word is the final one.
You have done nothing wrong. Stay as far away from the impending explosion as you can. You are pregnant and do not need the stress.
Your friend saying ‘that is not how you co-parent’ has missed the point, you have been expressly told that you are not a parent and to stay out of it. Coparenting takes two or more willing people (steps, GPS, a&u’s) to make it work.” ResoluteMuse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but solely because she told you via your mother to ‘stay out of parenting business.’ Well getting involved in court-appointed time with her daughter would be parenting stuff. And honestly, even if she is bitter and jealous and acts crazy, that’s between your partner and her. You may be in the picture, but Becca is their daughter, and if she wants you to stay out of parenting decisions, that is fair enough.
That said, I do think your partner should have taken Becca to her mother. I’m not sure what your experiences of court have been so far, but it’s possible that the court may see this as your partner trying to withhold the child from her mother.
But if she ever gives you the chance to comment on this situation, tell her that you would have happily agreed to drop Becca off to her, but she has made it clear that you’re meant to stay out of it.
And that’s exactly what you did. Hopefully, that will give her some motivation to be civil.” User
Another User Comments:
“Are you the jerk for not dropping everything to accommodate Wendy? No.
BUT if Becca seeing her mom was in her best interest, then maybe you’re a small jerk. Ultimately, it comes down to Becca’s needs and what’s best for her.
I hear you when you say that Becca seemed happy to stay with you and didn’t question anything, but ultimately, it’s not her responsibility to make these decisions. You are the adults in her life and that decision falls on you.
I also agree and disagree with your friend. Would it have been better co-parenting to just drop Becca off?
Yes. But also, how is Wendy’s version of coparenting any better? She can’t expect you all to bend to her every whim, so to some extent, she’s dug her grave here. Had she been kind to you guys from the beginning, I’d hope you would have been willing to drop Becca off.
Maybe you can try to come to some compromise with Wendy.
She is required to find her own ride, but if she can’t, she must give you guys 48-72 hours’ notice so you can rearrange your schedules to assist. Also let her know that continuing to try and manipulate the situation by only being kind when it’s convenient for her, will not work long-term and that you expect her to be, at minimum, cordial and recognize that you’re in Becca’s life for the long haul, whether she likes it or not.
Good luck! Custody issues can be a complete nightmare.” miss_little_lady
12. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband's Coworker's Wife For Clogging My Toilet?
“My husband and I recently hosted a cookout at our house for his coworkers, he gets along pretty well with most of them and enjoys hosting. Coworker’s wife Julia goes to the hallway bathroom and comes back. I end up going after her and notice the toilet is clogged and starting to overflow.
Something large and white is stuck, I use the plunger to unclog it, and lo and behold, a very large b****y maxi pad. Julia was the last person to use the bathroom, so I come out and asked her if she tried to flush a pad down the toilet. She got embarrassed and said yes, and I told her she needed to go clean up the mess she made.
There was water all over the floor, with particles of her pad and b***d everywhere. I asked her if no one ever taught her not to flush a pad, we have a septic tank and they cost thousands to repair. You don’t flush pads, especially not the extra-large ones. It’s not like she tried to flush a panty liner or something.
Julia cried and her husband yelled at me, but who does that? Especially at someone else’s house? Husband’s two female coworkers came to my defense and pretty much said it was stupid of her to do that. Julia poorly cleaned up her mess, and she and her husband quickly left. All of their coworkers think Julia shouldn’t have done that, but my husband and his coworker are having a whole feud about it.
AITJ for calling out my husband’s coworker’s wife for trying to flush a maxi pad down our toilet?
Edit: We have a septic tank. Septic tank repairs here can easily go for around 10,000$. Julia has a septic tank. Julia knows better. When I asked if she would flush a pad in her own home she said no. Julia said she did it because there was no trashcan in there, and she didn’t want to walk her pad to a different trashcan.
The trashcan from that bathroom was outside being washed because a different coworker got vomit on it. I don’t think saving her some embarrassment would be worth paying thousands of dollars to repair. Also, she saw that the toilet was clogged and decided to walk off and leave it for someone else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You shouldn’t have just called her out right away BUT:
She’s a grown woman and even though it’s embarrassing, you don’t risk costing someone a couple of hundred dollars because you can’t just ask for another trash can or something.
It has the same toilet, she SHOULD know better. If she didn’t know better, that would be a lack of common sense. But not only does she have the same toilet, but she also said she wouldn’t have flushed the pad (MAXI pad) down the toilet if it were her own toilet, so she clearly did know better.
That wasn’t a lack of common sense, that was laziness and ignorance.
So again, I don’t think you should’ve called her it right away like that but I still think NTJ mostly just for the fact that she wouldn’t have done it to her own property.” Appropriate_Sound984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Julia is an adult. Julia knows better. She could have discretely wrapped her pad in toilet paper & beelined it to the nearest garbage.
I feel sympathy for her in that I know what it’s like to be at a party & unable to find a bathroom garbage & be wearing clothes that make it hard to hide an object like a pad on your person to throw away, but you don’t mess up someone’s toilet. It’s not even just that it’s rude but everything is expensive to fix it’s wrong to do that to someone.
Is it a bit much to confront her in public? Maybe? But someone was going to go to that bathroom & find the mess sooner rather than later & the audacity to just cry like a child while you’re husband yells instead of just apologizing & trying to clean it asap to get out of the situation, is pathetic.” Environmental_Fig933
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset but YTJ for not bringing her to the side to talk about it and ask her to clean up the mess. Scolding her in front of both your husband’s colleagues wasn’t necessary. I say this as someone who works in hospitality and has dealt with my fair share of stupidity. I totally understand she could’ve cost you $10,000 in repairs and she was dead wrong for attempting to flush a pad down the toilet.
Not having a garbage in the bathroom, regardless of it being cleaned, is what prompted the whole situation to occur.
At the end of the day, she didn’t cost you anything in damages and you embarrassing her only made you look like a bit of a jerk.” talmidx
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Adopted Son To Work?
“I (M38) have two sons Tyler (13) and Charlie (16) I adopted Charlie when he was 12.
They both are amazing baseball players so Charlie’s coach has told him to look at scholarships. Charlie has had a rough time at school recently and some of the kids have been telling him that I won’t pay for his college as he’s adopted. I didn’t know any of this until a few days ago and at no point in the time he has been with me have I told him that I wouldn’t pay for his college.
He got a job with my brother just helping out which I was fine with until his grades started dropping. I then said to him that he needs to give up the job and concentrate on school. He got upset with me and everything came out that he thought he needed to save up for college. I told him that he can’t work and I will pay for his tuition fees.
My parents and brother are saying that I am the jerk for not letting him work but I feel I am doing the right thing as his grades are suffering from him working.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except for those jerks at Charlie’s school.
Charlie feels unsure of himself, his role in the family, and his future. First and foremost, sounds like some therapy is needed
But second, I would encourage you to concretely show him that he’s part of the family. Show him that both he and his brother have college funds. Show him your will, that he is financially provided for in case anything happens to you (and you don’t need to show him specific dollar amounts… Many wills are written that the portion that goes to the kids is to be ‘equally divided among the children’ and lists each kid’s name).
He’s scared, so provide him the reassurance he needs.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re not handling this well, in my opinion. I understand that you want him to focus on school because hey, good grades are something important if he wants to get into college, but I think this is not gonna solve anything.
Instead of just not letting him work and expecting him to accept that, you should talk to him, ask him what’s going on, why are his grades dropping, and if there’s something you can do to help, plus reassure him that you WILL pay for his tuition and that you still love him as your child, adopted or not.
If he’s really being bullied in school, that tells me he’s feeling very insecure about his abilities and his ‘identity’ as the adopted child, which might be the real reason why his grades are dropping.
Try to understand what’s going on in his head before making harsh decisions like this.” Senpaijecho
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except for the gossiping friends.
But his grades aren’t dropping, necessarily, just because he’s working.
His grades are dropping because he’s incredibly stressed because of what his friends have been saying.
And because he’s internalized the message, just telling him not to worry and you’ll pay for college isn’t going to be enough. You’re going to need to seek help in order to reassure him that his future is provided for and to work out whatever underlying issues there are regarding him being adopted that are making it difficult for him to fully appreciate how you feel.
At this point, individual counseling, for him, to work out his feelings about the adoption situation and figure out what questions and insecurities he has, would be wise.
Also, perhaps, eventually, family counseling with the focus on helping him know that you support his choices and his future.
Being adopted is tough. Being adopted with your parents having their own-born children after you is even tougher.
Working to save funds for college gives him some control over his life and future, which will help alleviate any anxieties because it empowers him with his own resources. Just stopping him from using this mechanism for gaining some control over his own life isn’t going to help, until he feels genuinely comfortable and empowered in his own life again.
Perhaps tell him he can work if he wants if his grades keep up. And that you’d like to help him set up an account for him to have a nest egg for after college (which you will do to help as much as you can) or for an emergency during college, but that the primary responsibility for paying for college will be you and various financial aid and scholarship opportunities.
Also, let him know that you understand his struggles. And that you respect that he wants to feel independent and secure. And that he can 100% count on you to share the goal of his eventual independence and security.
Also that, right now, better grades and extracurricular activities will do more to help him maybe get scholarships in college, worth far more than he can make as a worker without high school graduation.
So it benefits him to focus on those ends.
Maybe help him research scholarships and stipends that mesh with his skills.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re being a good parent. It might be worth sitting him down and making sure he knows that he is your child not your ‘adopted’ child so to speak. The fact that he even thought those kids could be a little right is very telling.
I’m not saying it’s telling in regards to you, but him. It’s clearly an insecurity he has and it wouldn’t hurt to give him some reassurance.
And hey, if he likes working, maybe make a deal with him. If he can get his grades up and keep them up and above a certain threshold for a set amount of time, then he can work.” Ok-Leopard6997
10. AITJ For Talking About My Ex-Coworker's Thievery?
“I used to work with my cousin Dave at this grocery store. Dave was fired about six months ago. It was my grandma’s birthday party and I called off work to be there. I rarely do this. My uncle Matt came over to talk to me and said I should watch my back with my company and told everyone how Dave was fired for attendance and the company fought him over unemployment and Dave never got it and had to pay lawyer fees.
This started my mom lecturing me for calling off. Uncle Matt said I should find another job because they will get me too and fire me. Everyone starts in on how Dave should have gotten his unemployment and they don’t understand why Dave had to pay the company back.
After a half hour of hearing what the company was crappy and how I should just quit.
I dropped the truth bomb that Dave was repeatedly stealing from the register and shorting on change and putting it in his pocket. His uncle Matt yelled at me that it was not true. I said another coworker saw it and loss prevention has videos of it. I pulled up where Dave was arrested and showed the picture and court case page.
It told Dave was ordered to pay back the lawyer fees and the money stolen. Uncle Matt left and my mom said that was a trashy thing to do on my grandma’s birthday. To tell the whole family about Dave’s personal business.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were not going around gossiping to stir up problems and get Dave in trouble.
Dave lied and all you did was set the record straight. Your family is not angry at you, they are angry at Dave and are just venting. Cut everyone some slack for a few days and try to avoid drama and the focus will shift to Dave and stay here. It was not like you gave away personal information, just informed people of publicly available information.
Dave had a very unpleasant conversation with his father after what you said.” survival-nut
Another User Comments:
“Eh. I think Dave is the only jerk and not even for stealing. For digging in and challenging the firing. I suspect that your family pushed him to challenge it when they heard he wasn’t getting unemployment and he wasn’t willing to tell them the truth about why, but he should have set a boundary there.
You could have hinted much earlier with ‘you don’t really know the story of why he was fired. This is different. I know – trust me.’ They should know well enough that pushing you from there makes it their fault when you tell the whole story. But if Matt didn’t get the hint when the court said that Dave doesn’t deserve unemployment, he probably wouldn’t have listened to you either.
I’m going with NTJ.” ValleySparkles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Some people really can’t handle the truth because they prefer to hide their precious little Davey’s thieving ways, as in this case.
Your Uncle backed you into a corner where you absolutely needed to stand up for yourself by exposing his perfect little Davey’s thievery!
Your uncle wasn’t comparing ‘apples with apples’ & he knew it since the family tried to sue the company & the truth obviously came out when they lost the case for Davey’s unemployment & he/your uncle was forced to pay back the funds he stole.
The only crappy behavior was your Uncle’s! NTJ!
Your mother is a jerk, too! She didn’t defend you because she was more worried about ‘saving face’ for the family in front of grandma! Bad move, mom!
OP, take note as to where your mother’s allegiances are because they’re not with you, sorry!” bkupisch
9. AITJ For Not Taking My Grandkids To School?
“My (54F) and my (49M) husband take my grandkids (13F) and (7M) to school every day. We live right next to each other, and every morning I call my granddaughter at 6:00 am. She normally doesn’t answer until 6:30. Not a problem we leave by 7:35 and make it at 7:50 (her school starts at 8 am), and her brother is normally early.
this has become a routine since my daughter (30F) lets her partner use her car.
Today, I spent 30 minutes calling my granddaughter’s phone, then walked to their house and hit on the door. Nobody woke up. Eventually, I went home and went back to sleep. At 8:30 I woke up to a call from my daughter saying that her kids were ready for school.
I told her I wasn’t going to take them because they would only be in school for 3 hours. After all, I have to pick them up earlier to make it to work on time. She started to yell at me about the fact that they’d missed so much school to stay home. When I told her to take them herself if it was that important, then she called me a bunch of names.
That’s when I reached my limit I started to call her a bad mother for never doing it herself, then hung up and haven’t talked to her since. I thought what I didn’t wasn’t me being a jerk, but my husband and grandkids say I was the jerk. So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Driving the kids to school is one thing.
It is a good and kind thing to do.
Having them expect you to be the family alarm clock is a different issue. You should not need to do this.
Maybe tell your daughter that you will drive them if they are ready by a certain time. But that it is her job to make sure they are ready at that time, and you won’t be calling to wake people up.
And buy your granddaughter an alarm clock for her birthday, (or next gift-giving holiday, such as Christmas if you celebrate it). Or teach her to set an alarm on her phone, so that she can wake up without your intervention.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but mostly your daughter, not you.
You followed your normal routine and attempted to take the kids to school.
They didn’t respond after you tried for some time to get their attention. Your daughter then calling and abusing you as though you did something wrong is just horrible and unreasonable. You calling her a bad mother is also pretty nasty (hence the ‘everyone sucks here’) but I can understand why you were mad and lashed out.
So, were you the jerk?
Yes, you were A jerk, but not THE jerk, in my opinion.” melissmi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not their parent/guardian. Not responsible for waking them up/getting them ready for school.
Alarm clocks exist. Phones even have them.
Your daughter needs to act like a parent. It’s certainly nice of you to drive them to school.
But it’s not your responsibility.
Public schools have buses. If they live too close to the bus, kids have feet.
You’re unwittingly enabling your daughter in the pursuit of immaturity. I’d recommend ending that now or you’ll be raising her kids as well.” subsailor1968
8. AITJ For Thinking My Fiancée Is Taking Advantage Of Her Bereavement Leave?
“My fiancé had it pretty rough growing up. The majority of her family now are addicts, her dad included. She keeps in contact with a select few of her relatives and they text regularly. She even makes sure she checks in on a lot of the ones who are addicts and have caused her family a lot of problems in the past. Her grandparents were a beacon in her life, and she talks about them very often and visits them a couple of times a year.
Her grandmother passed away last night. It was not unexpected, she was very sick and my fiancé saw her earlier in the year. Also before we moved in together 3 years ago, and before we relocated out of state, she spent about a year living with them as her grandmother’s sole caretaker. At one point, my fiancé was her grandparents’ entire lives.
And to this day, she is definitely the preferred and favorite grandchild. Her grandpa adores her. My fiancé is taking the news very very hard.
She has cried nearly every moment since hearing the news, won’t eat, and was so visibly distraught at work this morning that they sent her home and granted her 2 weeks of bereavement. I’m happy that they did that, though it feels like an excessive amount and more so than any other employer would grant.
She keeps crying and saying she feels guilty, that she was a bad granddaughter and that she feels like she feels really invalid in her mourning because she ‘should have called home more, should have been around more’. In reality, my fiancé did much more for her grandparents than she should have bore responsibility for.
We got on the topic of the funeral and she said she doesn’t have the details yet but that she likely will not attend and will send flowers and plan a trip to visit with grandpa later on in the year for the holidays, despite her having two weeks off now.
This feels very messed up to me, and admittedly I disagreed with her and made it very clear that I personally feel that she should go because her work was extremely understanding and gave her much longer than needed to make it out of state and back for a funeral. She stopped crying and snapped at me, and told me I shouldn’t be telling her what to do and explained how stressful and bad for her mentally it would be for her to travel out of state on such short notice, be surrounded by family that makes her uncomfortable, carry the burden of being the sole planner and coordinator of the wake (she believes this responsibility would fall on her) and try to keep her composure and look presentable the entire time.
This feels very callous to me, because her grandpa adores her and needs her right now, and she is choosing now as a time to set a boundary about to what extent she is willing to support her family. I love my fiancé and usually agree with her, and her bereavement leave in no way affects us financially, but I feel like she’s just using it as a regular time off by not using it to go.
It just feels unethical to not go.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re all over the place here. You think 2 weeks is too much. You think she’s abusing it when she clearly is distraught. You think her choosing when to support her grandfather isn’t convenient for you. Bereavement isn’t just time to attend a funeral. It’s about mourning the loss.
Trust me when I say that most people who lose someone like a parent say the first few weeks are hard but it’s much harder in the following months when everyone else moves on and gets on with their lives and you’re left sitting there alone.” northernfires529
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Someone very close to her passed away and you don’t feel that her emotional reaction to that is warranted I’d like to know what is wrong with you. I’m shocked that someone you care about so much. So much that you would marry her. You don’t have any empathy for anything she’s going through right now?
Honestly, this post says more about you than her. If I was her I would run for the hills. Shows a complete lack of maturity and understanding for your partner. Let me give you a tip buddy. You don’t have to agree with her grieving process but you have to have empathy for the partner you are going to marry.” Dalfina
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Grief is a complex emotion that hits everyone in different ways. Your view is going to be different than your fiance’s. You do not get to judge how she uses bereavement days especially since her job has already granted it and moved on. You need to apologize and be a supporter of your fiance’s decisions no matter what your personal feelings might be in this situation.
She is already has been dealt with an emotional blow, she doesn’t need you to add on the pain.” DegreeTechnical950
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Childhood Best Friend's Bridesmaid?
“So Jane (29f) and I (29f) have known each other since we were in middle & high school together.
She went to college in California – I went to college in Georgia.
During college Jane and I visited each other – she’s younger than me so I flew to LA for her 21st birthday and we always met up when we were home, etc.
In my junior year, I met Kyle (a senior at the time). After he graduated he moved to NYC for a job. While I was not intending on staying on the East Coast, I ended up also moving to NYC, partially to be with him.
Kyle decided he wants a change of pace and wants to move to LA. We talked a lot about it I said if we could wait 6 months and move together since I just got promoted.
He found a job and he moved to LA in May of that year instead of waiting, it’s worth noting that Jane had moved to LA in January of that year.
I’m not sure at what point Jane and Kyle got together, they were already familiar with each other because of all the times Jane had visited and the times when I brought Kyle home.
Kyle and I started fighting a lot more, I was stressed and frustrated. That August we broke up.
Kyle and I kept talking and he decided he didn’t like LA and was going to move back to NYC.
Then the global crisis hits – I find out that they ‘may be together’ through friends. I asked Jane about it and she said they were just hanging out a lot because ‘he was still new and didn’t have a lot of friends’ – Jane was constantly posting stories on Instagram and they looked ‘too close’ to be just friends I didn’t believe her.
She kept saying they were just friends and I unfollowed both of them on Instagram and neither of them said anything. Jane and I haven’t really talked since everything happened.
And now they’re engaged.
Jane asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said no, I felt it would be a little uncomfortable for me. I felt Kyle had been stringing me a long while he was in LA and I feel awkward that they weren’t honest about it from the beginning.
But Jane is saying I can bring my current partner as my plus one and Kyle agreed with her/she and my sister both think I’m overreacting and should just say yes.
So AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have to say, you’re handling this really well, but possibly a little too well. This girl is not your friend, so I think declining the bridesmaid position should only be the first step.
You mentioned she used to be your best friend, so her actions are unforgivable, in my opinion. Okay, so we don’t know when exactly they got together, but the fact she couldn’t even be arsed to tell you about her new relationship with your ex is not okay. And then lying about it, and waiting until the engagement to just casually ask you to be a bridesmaid, like nothing ever happened?
And then not even accepting the fact you don’t want to be a bridesmaid and trying to manipulate you to feel bad?
On top of that, he was stringing you along? Most likely while they were starting things up? Yeah, no, drop them both. I’m truly sorry you’re in this situation, but you are so much better off without either of them in your life.
Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t try to mend your friendship. And don’t ever let the ex contact you either, because I have a feeling he’ll try.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You weren’t even fully broken up or at least had full closure, they both strung you along with the idea that they were together, and now you have to be in their wedding?
No way.
Do not say yes, do not go to this wedding, and walk away from any and all conversations about this, including with your sister.
No is a whole answer. Just say no and you don’t need to get into why because they know why! It isn’t okay that two people close to you at the very least were vague about what they had going on, and more likely were very intentional once they started being together.
That’s not fair to you and you shouldn’t have to pretend you are okay with it.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“LOL. NTJ.
No one gets to diminish the hurt or discomfort you feel. Your sister shouldn’t be going either. It doesn’t matter if they would have said yes to being a bridesmaid in your position, you don’t have to say yes.
You’re not them.
It’s not about overreacting, it’s about being disrespected and being asked to be in the bridal party for the wedding of two people who lied to you and then moved so fast they didn’t even loop you in till now.
Your childhood best friend should have already considered the possibility that she can’t necessarily expect you to be a bridesmaid if she chooses to be with your ex.
That’s too big a role to ask of someone she just immediately distanced from her life by making a decision like that. I DON’T EVEN SWIPE RIGHT ON GUYS THAT HAVE ALREADY MATCHED AND SPOKEN TO MY BEST FRIENDS IN ANY FLIRTY WAY BECAUSE IT’S TOO MESSY FOR ME.” L4L-MAA
6. AITJ For "Hacking" My Roommate's Phone?
“I (26f) live in a shared apartment with John (24m) and Jake (21m). Jake likes to listen to music while he showers and he turns on his speakers quite loudly so he can actually hear anything. Technically not an issue but he does so at any time of the day, often late at night.
John and I had several talks with him before about him not listening to music while he showers after 11 pm or before 9 in the morning.
As you probably guessed, last night at 11:30 pm Jake was having a shower with his speakers blasting loudly again. I was annoyed because I was trying to sleep and John probably even more so since his room is right next to the bathroom and he has classes at university early in the morning (which Jake knows about).
Spotify always gives me the option to join a session when somebody is streaming music via the same wifi so since I couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed I put on a playlist of children’s lullabies as a reminder for Jake that it’s already way too late. A few minutes later Jake came into my room angrily (without knocking btw) and confronted me about how I ‘hacked’ into his phone and invaded his digital privacy or whatever.
He also complained about how he had to listen to lullabies for the rest of his shower since his phone was in his room and he couldn’t change to his actual playlist. Apparently listening to music while he showers helps him unwind and now he’s stressed. I reminded him about how late it is and that if he hadn’t listened to any music at all this wouldn’t be an issue.
That was it for the conversation last night and he’s still giving me the silent treatment today. I’m not sure if I was too petty and should have just talked to him again the next morning. AITJ for changing the music?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Playing loud music in the house while others are sleeping is a solid jerk move.
Your trick was a funny nudge that he was out of line. You didn’t actually hack his phone.
The obvious solution is that he go and purchase shower headphones so he can listen to music and not disturb everyone else.
Your roommate sounds a bit spoiled and self-centered. Communal living always requires compromises and being respectful of others.” AdviceMoist6152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the rules were clear and he was acting like a child confronting you the way he did.
Changing his music to lullabies was a hilarious level of passive aggression that he should grow up with and try to see the funny side.
I believe he said the word ‘hacked’ specifically to try and make himself out to be the victim and excuse himself for acting unnecessarily aggressive.” crispybreadly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being rude and disrespectful. The lullaby thing was a smart (and kind of funny) way to get the point across. Plus, you didn’t hack anything. Spotify literally gave you the option of a joint session. Dude needs to chill. Listen to music at a lower volume or during normal non-quiet hours. You’ve made completely reasonable requests and he should meet you halfway.” fallingfaster345
5. AITJ For Asking My Upstairs Neighbor To Stop Vacuuming?
“My neighbor moved in above me about a month ago. Before she moved in, the complex renovated her unit so she has all hard floors except in the bedrooms. (Unrenovated units like mine are all carpeted.) Everything has been fine so far, except for at some point every week she vacuums her floors.
Now, obviously, I understand her vacuuming the carpeted areas or her rugs. But she vacuums the hard floors too. It can go on for about half an hour. The issue is that I work from home and she vacuums in the middle of the day when I’m in meetings. It’s very hard for me to concentrate on my meetings when this happens.
I finally went up and knocked on her door and explained the situation to her. She was very apologetic and asked when is a better time for her to vacuum so that she doesn’t disturb me. I asked why she needed to vacuum her hard floors as opposed to just sweeping or swiffering. She said that she has a cat, so she actually vacuums AND Swiffers.
That’s the only way she can be sure that she gets all of the hair up. I basically told her that she should maybe consider switching to both sweeping and swiffering, instead of vacuuming. She said that wasn’t possible, but said that she would make every attempt to vacuum during non-work hours. I asked that she also make sure not to do it too late in the day either, and she basically just closed the door, which made me think maybe I was a jerk.
But, I mean, I have to be able to do my job. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you can’t work effectively from home, then you need to find a place to work. And if a neighbor briefly completing household chores during daytime (not simply being obnoxiously loud with music or something) bothers you, that’s your problem. to figure out (e.g. noise canceling headphones).
But to have the gall to go tell her how to maintain her home (you didn’t mention you are the landlord, not that it matters), she is doubly a saint for trying to accommodate your schedule, and not slamming the door in your face.” therain_storm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Vacuuming apartman in the middle of the day is by moral and legal and any other reasons completely ok in residential buildings.
The fact that you work from home is no reason for your neighbors to stop with daily life. And this woman was ready to work with you and make compromises by allowing you to choose time table when is problematic for you for work, which she is absolutely not an obligation of. But then you started to insist she sweep and Swiffer despite her very valid reason for vacuuming.
That makes you absolutely the jerk!
If you want absolute peace move into a private house or rent an office in the building that is by your standards for noise!
You can not dictate to people how they should clean their house.” CrazyMath2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Vacuuming is probably the easiest and most effective way for her to clean her home.
Why should she make her life more difficult to cater to your wants – not needs, wants. She has already offered to change her standard cleaning time so it doesn’t interfere with your schedule. That was a perfectly reasonable compromise. You say that you think you’re not the jerk because you ‘have to be able to do my job,’ but she already offered you a solution that wouldn’t interfere with your job.
Instead of accepting that, you pushed the issue.
Dealing with a half hour of noise once a week is not a big deal. You need to learn to compromise with your neighbors and when to let things go.” Charming-Barnacle-15
4. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Car?
“My (22F) sister (16F) usually have a good relationship.
I was back in my home town and my mom wanted me to pick up my sister from her friend’s home. She already seemed upset when I picked her up. I did ask her if anything had happened and she ignored me.
After some time she asked how long I was going to be staying with them. I told her I would be leaving in a week and I kinda mentioned that I may be assigned to our city after training.
She lost it and she started to accuse me of showing off and rubbing my success in her face. She called me a lot of names too. She said she hated me and hated me pretending to care about her. I finally kicked her out when she brought up the fact that we are half sisters; I’m an affair baby, and I knew that she was going to say that would have probably caused real damage to our relationship so I kicked her out of the car about a mile from home.
It was around 4 PM and we live in a safe area.
When she got back home she was crying and She looked so upset and distressed. I tried to talk to her but she ignored me and Mom ignored the whole situation and shrugged it off by saying teenagers are volatile. It has been two days and she is still ignoring me.
I feel like a huge jerk because I have never seen her this upset and instead of trying to talk to her, I kicked her out of the car to protect myself.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna lean slightly more towards YTJ.
If her rant came out of literally nowhere, there must be a reason for it. And why would she worry about your success when she’s only 16?
Surely someone must be saying something to her to make her feel like she’s inferior. I’m not justifying what she said, it was pretty horrible. But anger like that never comes from nowhere. There’s always a reason. But like you proved, nobody ever wants to listen to teenagers and how they feel. Hence why they lash out like that?
You’re definitely the jerk for kicking her out of the car rather than getting her home safely. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, doesn’t matter how safe you think the neighborhood is, it’s never safe. Especially for young girls. Someone could have snatched her up in a van in the middle of broad daylight and you would never have known.
The fact she got home safe doesn’t mean anything. You put her in a potentially risky situation.
Try and talk to her before you leave to clear the air. Actually, try and listen to her. I get she was hurtful but push that to the side for a minute and try to listen and understand WHY she said what she said.
Care about her feelings and maybe she’ll tell you the truth. For all you know, your mum could be comparing her to you and making her feel inferior. You have to be the adult and see past your own anger, as difficult as it can be. By the way, your mum reacted to her being upset and kicked out on her own, I think I can guess where the problem is.” Gumgums66
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She was totally out of line and really hurtful, but she’s also only 16 and it sounds like for whatever reason she’s really hurting right now. You had every reason to be upset, and I understand what you’re saying about not wanting to give her a chance to say anything that’ll damage the relationship further, but kicking her out was pretty harsh and she’s only 16.
It sounds like you’re doing what you can now to try and mend it, and that’s important too.
However, your mom is kind of a jerk for brushing the whole thing off like that and being so invalidating and dismissive of your little sister’s emotions. Sounds like the kid might be going through something with your mom right now.” Appropriate-Value54
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, her behavior is pretty bratty, especially accusing you of rubbing your success in her face, when you’re 24 and she’s 16. Whatever. It sounds like you anticipated that she was going to say something else. She didn’t even say it, but you kicked her out thinking that she would. I know sticks and stones, etc etc, but she actually could have gotten into some trouble walking a mile at 4:00 a.m. by herself.
Imagine some stranger coming along in their car, pulling up beside her, and her getting in the car and telling the driver they could take her anywhere because she was so upset. It really could have happened that way. So what if she says a bad thing to you now? Will you kick her out of the house, or go after her with a weapon, or what?
You are the adult and it’s up to you to model the kind of behavior you expect from her.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
While you live in a safe area, in this day & age no place is safe unless you live in a gated community. Other than that, you were under no obligation to take the verbal mistreatment from her or anyone.
Don’t worry about her talking to you. Sounds like the parent units need to get her a counselor. I’m not saying anything is wrong with her but having a third party person to talk to is beneficial to everyone.” zadidoll
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In Pictures During My Wedding?
“My fiancé’s family never held back on jabs about my nose. My fiancé said he knew they really loved me the moment they started with the jokes, they’re the kind of family that loves to make fun of each other. My grandparents used to make comments about my nose that were kind of trashy, especially because my dad is Jewish (although I’ve never known him) and I got the nose from him.
In general, I’ve tried to not be sensitive about it because they don’t like sensitive people, although my history with it and knowing my nose came from my dad who I don’t know made it a bit harder for me.
My fiancé made this comment once which was supposed to be joking/sweet where he basically said he was so lucky for my nose because it was the only way he had a chance with me.
That comment stayed in my head since, the idea that I’d actually be beautiful if it wasn’t for my nose. I’ve had really bad self-esteem and would go in and out of believing I’m ugly. I started thinking about having a nose job. After we got engaged, I realized if I was going to do it, I should do it before the wedding.
He was really supportive of the idea and excited about it. He made some comments about being glad I was losing ‘the beak,’ something he’d never expressed before I suggested it, which confirmed to me that I needed it.
My fiancé loves my new nose. I hate it so much. I feel like I’m staring at someone else’s face, I look like any other woman in the world besides myself.
I’ve always struggled with depression, and I was finally in a good place before this. Now I can barely get myself to leave my room for work. My fiancé is really frustrated with me, he thinks I ‘objectively’ look better and I need to get used to it. I know I’ll have to but I’ve been wearing a medical mask in the house because I can’t stand to look at my face.
He says this is me sulking like a toddler, but I can’t control how I feel. He asked what I was going to do for our wedding and I told him that I don’t want to be in any pictures. He freaked out saying my selfishness was going to get in the way of us having a happy wedding. I didn’t want to let this hurt him, so I tried to come up with options like wearing my veil covering my face in the pictures, incorporating a scarf into the outfit, wearing my mask, etc., and he said if I do any of that we might as well not get married at all.
That hurt a lot. I can’t stand to see myself in pictures like this and having everybody see my nose the whole day would make this even worse for me… I’m already going to be blaming myself for the fact that I won’t have MY nose in pictures. I feel like I’m ruining the day for him but what he wants will ruin it for me.
AITJ?
Edit: I really need to get back into therapy. I’m trying to look into getting another nose job to reverse this but I don’t know if any plastic surgeon would be willing/able to give me ‘the beak’ back, and I’m terrified of getting surgery again. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again. As much as I know logically I should be able to get used to this over time, I really don’t feel I can.
I think that makes a lot of sense to postpone the wedding. I don’t know how my fiancé is going to feel about that. I got into thinking more deeply about how he treats me. He’s this very sweet guy normally. Introverted, very smart, always there when I need him, etc… but he’s not being that guy right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re in deep trouble. You’ve already had surgical alteration you hate, to please a man who treats you badly. Making nasty comments about ‘the beak’ and pressuring you into getting medically unnecessary surgery is definitely treating you badly. The nose isn’t your big problem – you need to grow a spine.
Start by breaking up with the guy who didn’t like your face the way it was and told you so in cruel terms. Then get a therapist to help you adjust to the face you have now because I don’t think it’s possible to adjust back.
Maybe closer, and that’s something to think about if you really make no progress in getting used to this… but I suspect it will never be just the way it was. You will need to do your grieving for that, and learn how to accept it in time, and you’re going to need a good therapist to help you through that period.
I’m so sorry that you lost the nose you felt comfortable with. But if you stay with this guy you’re likely to lose a lot more.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this has got nothing to do with the wedding. You cannot get married right now, to be honest. You just can’t. You really need to work on this stuff, beginning with the way your partner has made you feel.
I would say he’s an a*s and you should get rid of him (and you should) but I realize you might not be in that place yet, so you need to at least consider therapy for yourself and the pair of you together. I am just a stranger on the internet so feel free to ignore me, but most importantly, YOU ARE NOT YOUR NOSE!
You are way more than whatever your nose looks like. I have a family member that was in a brutal car accident. She lost some fingers and ended up with some scars on her face. She felt a lot like you do, suddenly her appearance was way different than what she knew and it was awful trying to rectify that in her brain, but she did and you can.
Forget the man. Forget the wedding. At least for now. You’ve got health issues of your own to take care of. Mental health is health, and you need help right now. There is no shame in saying so. Focus on you.” MagicianGOBBluth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your fiancé has been systematically eradicating your confidence and self-worth. That ‘joking/sweet’ comment about how he would never have a chance with you if it wasn’t for your nose and calling it ‘the beak’ was 100% cruel and could not be construed by any sane person as sweet or playful.
I suspect he comes by this honestly, seeing as his family makes fun of people for sport, but you don’t have to put up with this and I would seriously reconsider whether you even want to be married to someone with this level of unkindness ingrained in him.
Please talk to a therapist about the crisis you’re going through regarding your nose job.
I’m sure they can give you the tools to work through what sounds like a serious grieving process. A lot of which is probably tied in with your father, your heritage and identity, and the bullying you’ve been subjected to by your fiancé and his family.
Look after yourself, OP, and please start surrounding yourself with kinder, more supportive people.
You deserve it.” trixen2020
2. AITJ For Blaming My Wife For Our Homelessness?
“My wife and I made some mistakes and lost our house. We turned to my mom for help and she agreed to let us stay. This was one of the hardest periods of my life and I felt like absolute crap.
We live in a one-party consent state meaning you can film someone without their knowledge. My wife was secretly filming my mom’s fiance and his mom because she thought my mom deserved to know what he was saying.
Now if the guy was having an affair or marrying her for her money I would agree, but the literal issue was he was saying I looked like a weasel and his mom was saying she was shocked I’m my mom’s kid.
So my wife did this without telling me and showed my mom. My mom’s only concern was why is my wife filming her in-house and violating her fiance.
My wife said that wasn’t the point but my mom was mad. She showed him the video and he berated my wife and went on a tangent about how he hates us living here. I did defend her, and eventually, my mom calmed him down but my mom said we had to get out.
She gave us 30 days as she is legally required to, but my wife was shocked. When we returned to our room she went on a rant about how my mom is evil, has always hated her, and is choosing that guy over us.
I looked her right in the eyes and said I don’t care about my mom right now. She did this. She had no respect for boundaries, was overly dramatic about something so minor, and she is the reason we are losing our housing, not my mom. My wife burst into tears and is furious with me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you don’t deserve your wife.
Your mom’s fiance and his mother were insulting you where you stand and the only one with a spine in your relationship stood up for you.
And your mom saw 2 people insulting her own son and was perfectly fine with that.
You should have let your wife know what level of mistreatment you were willing to swallow before she even tried to defend you.
Maybe you can go to your mom and fiance and beg for your spot back, tell them you don’t mind them insulting you one little bit.” armorine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife filmed them in a home that isn’t hers! And while what they said was rude, you don’t seem bothered enough to argue over it and rock the boat.
She seriously breached their trust. Common sense states: Pick your battles. That should not have been the hill she wanted to die on and it’s cost you both now.” FilledWithStardust
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say everyone is the jerk. Your wife shouldn’t have recorded them, as stated it is still illegal because neither in the conversation knew she was recording.
Your mom is the jerk because she seems to be the type of mom to put a man before her children. And you’re kind of a jerk for putting the full blame on your wife. I get where she is coming from, clearly, she thought your mom would do as a mother should and be mad about her fiancé being a jerk toward her child.
This is me speaking from the point of view of a mom who would never put a man before my kids. If he loves me he’d better love and respect my kids or kiss me goodbye and I don’t mean on my lips.
Everyone sucks here.” Saguarofae
1. AITJ For Talking Back At My Husband's Co-Worker?
“I am an Engineer but decided to pursue other jobs as my position pays a lot more. I (f30) and my husband (37m) have been together for 5 years, married in 2.
My husband is an architect and I am a work-from-home client manager for a US-based company. Recently, my husband’s firm had a team building and he decided to bring me.
On the first day of the trip, I immediately felt that I was being deliberately left out by one of his co-workers who we’ll call Stacey (28-ishF) whenever we had lunch or dinner with the team, she will sit beside my husband and started talking about their work so naturally, I will keep quiet as I don’t think I am allowed nor entitled to give my opinion about their work.
This goes on for about 3 days and at some point, some of their co-workers are taking notice by talking to me whenever they will discuss work-related topics.
On the fourth day during dinner, their manager finally had enough and finally stops Stacey’s rambling about their job and projects, etc, and that he is more interested in what I do for a living.
Before I can answer Stacey scoffed and said what are they supposed to talk to me about, telemarketing and how to annoy people? I was beyond annoyed but I kept my cool and said ‘Well, we can talk about that or we can talk about the (insert client’s home project) that you and my husband did in which you screwed up with the measurements that my husband had to fix last minute so he asked for my help.
We can discuss how I saved your butt from that client by correcting all your mistakes as my husband can’t do it alone. Did he even mention that I am an Engineer before doing telemarketing and annoying people?’ She walks out and distanced herself for the entire duration of the trip after that confrontation. My husband is on my side however he said that I could’ve handled it differently.
I asked my friends and some of them tells me that I’m a jerk for not rising above the situation. Now I am afraid that I embarrassed him because of snapping like that. AITJ?
Edit 1: I am not a telemarketer. In my country, when people hear ‘work from home’ or ‘freelancer’ they assume that it’s Telemarketing and Customer Service. I work for an energy company and my job description doesn’t include telemarketing.
I’m more on the side of client management and investor relations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stacey fired first and you shut her down. Not much detail about her initial actions, but the fact that co-workers sought to intervene to include you in conversation are suggestive of fairly rude behavior. It does feel a bit odd that you initially remained silent about their work, but when you slammed the door on Stacey you mentioned a specific project that you had assisted your husband on.
The tone of your comment sounded polite but pointed, which is well done. Sometimes you just need to draw a line.” 4nsChau3r
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Stacey for making mean comments towards you and generally just being annoying. Your husband for allowing you to be essentially ignored for three days. And then you for how you snapped at Stacey.
You were fine to snap, but I think you made a mistake in bringing up issues your husband told you about her work – especially if your husband hadn’t already raised them with management. Now it’s going to create a bunch of work issues for both your husband and Stacey as management will want to know what’s going on – and if things are as bad as you implied, why your husband didn’t raise them earlier.
It also can create issues for your husband that he’s been having you help him with work.” Born_Rabbit_7577
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ but I do have issues with the whole thing. You really shouldn’t have acted like that in front of your husband’s coworkers, especially the manager. By telling all of them you had to help fix her mistake you’ve likely planted a little seed in their heads that not only is she incompetent but that your husband may not be as competent as they thought.
Also not to bash your job or anything but if you really are a telemarketer just please stop, and go be an engineer. Telemarketers are awful, I understand it’s a job that some people absolutely need so I try to be as nice as I can or just hang up but you could clearly do something else, no one likes people that call them to sell stuff and it’s almost always a scam which tends to hurt elderly people that fall for it.
Hopefully, that’s not what you are doing but if it is, do better.” User
