People Are Worried They Might Be Hated For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Kicking My Father Out Of The House?
“My parents divorced, and since my father was financially abusive, my mother couldn’t pay rent on her own and we moved together.
I pay for half the rent and utilities. I was in no contact with my father until recently. My mother since then recovered and now make a very good amount of money, and she insisted I started college since she could help me with it.
We used to have a very good relationship.
However, recently my father reached out to my mom and gave the same old ‘I swear I changed’ speech. He is unemployed since about 3 years ago and was living with his mother, but his mother kicked him out after he fought with his 10 years old nephew.
Then, he decided to ‘give me another chance’ to my mother and she was overjoyed. However, after I begged a lot, suggested therapy, told her to think well, etc, she decided to first try to spend some time with him to see if the relationship really got better.
My mother pays for ALL of his bills no matter what I say. She spends about one week a month in his apartment and he spends a week in ours, much to my demise. And he is a PIG. He throws thrash on the floor, urinates all over the bathroom, goes for days at a time without a bath and I don’t think I have ever in my entire life seen him wash a single dish.
He also screams a lot and makes a lot of noises at 4 AM, and I work and study. My mother does whatever it takes for him to be happy and not dump her again, refuses to go to therapy, and since I’m a woman they think I should do the same.
Recently my mother started talking about how I should clean the entire house by myself since she is helping with my college. I can’t move out unless I drop out of college, I wouldn’t be able to pay for both rent and college and in my country is not easy to get a loan.
Obviously, it eventually culminates in me asking my parent to please help clean the house, and my father freaked out screaming insults and that he didn’t need to listen to orders from a ‘child’ and that he had his own house that he could go back to.
I said, ‘okay, then go’. He freaked out, even more, and told my mother I was kicking him from her home, which ended up with her screaming at me that I was so mean to him and it was more her house than mine.
When she calmed down, she asked me to apologize.
I said I wouldn’t cause I did nothing wrong. Then she told me to get a second opinion because ‘no one would think it’s fine to treat their own father this way’. Well, so here I am. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried your best to help your mom out of an awful situation, but she clearly isn’t ready to walk away from it yet.
Worse, she’s trying to pull you down with her. As your name is on the lease (making it all your home and none hers despite what she says), and he has a home, it’s time to tell them both they need to move back into his place.
Tell your mom that if she ever changes her mind and wants to get therapy you’ll be there for her, but your dad is not and never again will be welcome in your home or your life.
Then find yourself a roommate to help with rent and bills so you can continue with college.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“I feel like you are trapped.
NTJ, of course. But should you apologize?
If you really want to finish college and don’t have too long to go, you might want to view them as a temporary problem and do what will serve you best long term.
If you put up with their crap, can you find a reason to tell her you need to pay a little less of the bills, so you can secretly start to save up?
He is sick and there will be no reasoning with him, and she also is sick – with him – and there is no reasoning with her while he is there.
You say you have a good relationship with her, but as long as she is addicted to him, she can never be the person she was.
If I were younger and in your place, I would smile and do what I need to to get what I need, and then once you finish college or can afford to move out, I would go no contact with them both and never look back.
But we’re all different, and maybe you’ve had all you can take.
Good luck to you.” butimean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stop paying half the bills if you can try to move out but you’re paying to live there and get a say on who can stay there.
Do not clean up after him.
Secretly put a recording device so you can record his behavior, try to get him to say something about your mom, and if your mom doesn’t kick him out then tell her you’re not paying any more bills and you will send those videos to everyone in the family if she tries to kick you out.
Tell her you have copies saved somewhere she can never get to.
Ask her why she has no self-respect and why she lets herself be treated like this. Tell her that the moment she doesn’t give him $$ he’ll leave. Tell her to tell him she lost her job or something and he has to help her out and see what he does.
Ask her why she doesn’t want to be happy and why she doesn’t care about the mistreatment her own child goes through. She chose to be a mom and bring you into the world, she lets him behave this way. Ask her why she doesn’t care about you and that you pay half the bills so you get a say.
Remind her every day of what he did to her and you.” rainbow_mak3r
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay To Get The Flute Repaired?
“When my niece decided to start playing the flute my SIL asked to borrow my wife’s flute. My wife who maybe played on it once every five years was happy to loan it to her. My wife kind of thought it would just be until they could afford to buy one on their own.
But that was never discussed so no big deal. So three years go by and SIL asks us to pay close to $300 to repair it. We said no and things got heated. Am I crazy? She is not even asking us to pay half and is floored we are not going to pay for it.
It’s only $300, I could pay it just to keep the peace or try and split it I guess. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has some nerve. You’ve saved her money by allowing her to borrow it. Any repairs needed are directly caused by her use of the instrument.
$300 is a lot less than paying for a flute. She should be grateful to pay for the repairs, not getting all annoyed at you. I’m always amazed at the entitlement some people have.” gagirlpnw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Common courtesy would dictate that if you borrow something from another person, then you should return it in identical (or better condition) to when it was given to you.
If you borrow a car, it gets washed and a rank of fuel is not returned covered empty and covered in mud.
If something gets damaged, you repair it, and if you wear something out, then you owe them to at least pay your share of the upkeep and maintenance.
Your SIL needs to be the one repairing and returning the instrument back to you.
If you were on the hook for damage/wear and tear caused by other people, why would anyone ever want to loan or anything? If it is costing them money for someone else to use it they would have been better off storing it under the bed the whole time instead.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell SIL that I will repair it once SIL has returned it and that she is not to borrow it again since it broke whilst not being their property. Happy to see your niece playing, it’s even years so now SIL should buy or rent daughter a flute or ask around if someone has one that they could donate if they’re not using it.
Not your problem. What a nice wife to lend something for so long.” jennip3o
Then go pick it up to get it repaired. Take it home. Tell them it can't be fixed. End of story.
It only cost me $175 to get new pads and a couple of keys fixed on mine. $300 is far too high.
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Daughter-In-Law About Her Social Media Posts?
“I have a son, Ryan (m22). Ryan has a wife, Holly (f22).
They got married and moved in together around 4 months ago after being together for 3 years. I’m really happy for them.
There’s just a small problem, though.
Holly has recently started making posts on social media with jokes about how horrible mothers-in-law are, all the time.
When seeing them, I thought I did something to upset Holly. I asked her about it and she insisted that I hadn’t upset her and that she just posts them because she thinks they’re funny.
I asked Ryan about it and he said that Holly never seemed upset at me and told me I’m overthinking it.
But Holly keeps making these posts.
The rest of my family have even been asking me if everything is okay between me, Ryan and Holly because they’ve seen the posts too.
The last straw was when Holly made a post about ‘arguments with monsters-in-law’. Now everyone in my family thinks I argued with Holly when that didn’t even happen.
I asked Holly about it again and she said that once again, she just posted it because she thought it was funny, not anything actually personal to me.
I told Holly that she was making me uncomfortable and that she was making my family think I’m being horrible to her.
Holly said that’s not her problem and that people need to learn how to take a joke.
I asked Holly to please stop making these posts because people aren’t going to interpret them that way. Holly said I’m being unreasonable and told me I can’t tell her what to do, and said I’m a bossy jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jokes are supposed to be funny, not hurtful.
It’s bizarre that she’s doing this. You did the right thing by asking if you’d done something to hurt her. It’s extremely weird that she won’t stop even after it’s been brought up a few times, and you’ve explained that it’s causing problems in the family.
My best guess is she had friends who have bad MILs and she’s trying to fit in but at your expense. That’s not fair to you, and it’s reasonable to ask her to stop posting this stuff publicly or at least hide it from your family, seeing as it’s become gossip fodder.” Think-Ad-8580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she’s not going to stop. She clearly does have a problem with you, though. I would just distance myself from her as much as possible and not interact. Be congenial and talk to her the way you would an acquaintance–polite but not terribly personal. Don’t bring this up again.
Don’t follow her on social media anymore. It’s only hurtful. If your family asks, shrug and say ‘I don’t know. She tells me these are jokes.’ Do not talk about her to anybody in any context if you can help it. If people ask about her, say she’s doing great and Ryan and she are very happy.
Generic, but basically what you’re doing is a) not giving anybody a reason to think that you are treating her poorly, and b) not giving her fuel for her fires if she should hear something you said, and c) not ruining your relationship with your son.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, given that this keeps happening and your family is also involved that you keep getting contacted, I imagine she is also getting a lot of attention from people asking her if she’s all right.
Your daughter-in-law is a jerk and she is absolutely doing this at your expense and I really think you should make a public post on your social media that you are walking away since your daughter-in-law is intentionally posting things to put you in a bad light and then is flipping it around to present you as an aggressor when you talk to her about it.
No longer participate in no longer spend time with your daughter-in-law, cuz it does sound like she’s trying to push you away from your son, but if your son is choosing her over you, there’s nothing you can do.” JCBashBash
On every mother in law post make a comment. A funny, light comment.
"OH Holly! This one is really hilarious! That site you get these from must be really popular!!"
"This post is so funny! I hope you and I continue to have a great relationship. You are such a great DIL".
"I am so grateful to have you in my family. That mother in law is horrid! So glad Ryan met you. Can't wait to see the next mother in law story you find on that site".
I also suggest you share every single one of them on your timeline, stating your daughter in law found this hilarious site.
This way people find out you are reading them too. You have to take this and turn the focus off you.
You cannot make posts saying this isn't nice, you're being mean, because that will make people wonder if they really have a basis.
16. WIBTJ If I Ask Our Neighbors To Return Our Cart?
“My husband (37M) and I (32F) bought our house just over a year ago. Our neighbors (a late 40s couple) are very nice and have been welcoming, but we aren’t close to them. We talk sometimes when we’re outside.
In spring, we began yard work and bought a cart.
It’s a four-wheel pull cart that can lift one end to dump out the contents. It’s super useful and was over $200. Our neighbors also were working in their yard and mentioned needing to move a lot of dirt, so we offered to borrow our cart after we were finished, and they accepted.
Thus began a cycle of them borrowing our cart and holding onto it INDEFINITELY. When they borrow it, they don’t return it until we ask. For example, they borrowed it in mid-June, and I finally had to ask them to return it two months later when we needed it again.
The last time they borrowed it, I gave their 17-year-old son (who asked for it) explicit instructions to return it to our yard when they were done; they did not, and we had to go request it back three weeks later when we need it.
I feel very awkward having to ask for our own property back, particularly because we don’t need the cart all the time. If I asked them to return it right after using it, it wouldn’t be for us to use it, it’d just be so that our cart was back in our garage instead of theirs.
Is that un-neighborly? I’m worried it implies we don’t trust them with our property when really it’s just the inconvenience of having to chase down our own stuff when we want to use it.
So WIBTJ, if I started giving a timeline to return the cart, or specifically asking that they bring it right after they finish using it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d just tell them that while you’re happy to lend them the cart you really don’t want to have to fetch it back from their house every time, sometimes weeks or months later. It has become inconvenient and frankly, it’s uncomfortable to have brought the subject up like this.
From now on, you will have to ask that it really be returned straight after use and if it isn’t you’re sorry, but you will have to stop lending it out.
If they give you any attitude instead of apologizing and being ashamed (after all they are in the wrong and this is a polite way to approach things after your generosity has been taken advantage of many times), then cut them off there and then.
They are the ones not being neighborly.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not only is it annoying to have to go ask for your property back, but you also worry if the item is being taken care of when not at your home, and also how much it is being used (AKA breaking down) when not with you.
Since you want to continue to be neighborly, the next time they ask for it, tell them ‘sure, but I need you to bring it back tonight/first thing tomorrow morning, please.’ And then, if it isn’t returned at the time you told them, go over there a few hours/a day later and ask for it back.
Be kind and firm – ‘hey, as I told you yesterday, we need the cart back’ – and see how they respond. Take the cart back, and then next time they ask, simply say no – ‘sorry, we are going to use it later and I don’t want to have to chase it down, again, maybe next time’ – and again be firm and polite, and don’t leave room for negotiation.
Any normal person would get the hint, and now you have politely established boundaries twice. If this comes up again or if they react badly, you can tell them that you have asked them to return it and they don’t, you have to go over and get it and you would like to be able to use your own property whenever you want without chasing it down, and you want it stored on your property to ensure it stays in good condition.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After they failed to return the item why did you allow them to borrow it again? Just tell them no, you are sick and tired of having to retrieve your cart back from them as they are prone to keeping it in their yard.
You didn’t buy it for them to use, you brought it for your own convenience.
Since they have been heavy users of the cart then give them the instructions and price where you purchased yours from. Tell them they have well and truly tested yours out and now can buy their own for their own use.
Yours is no longer available for loan.
Don’t give them any other reasons why not. No is a complete sentence. If they get nasty tell them to stop being thieving moochers.” gemma156
15. AITJ For Asking My Half-Sister To Babysit My Daughter?
“My (32f) half-sister ‘May’ (20f) is living with me, my husband, and 6 yo daughter while she’s finishing her degree. She doesn’t pay any rent, but in exchange, she does household chores and babysits. This was our agreement.
A close friend of mine is getting married, and her wedding is child-free.
We had a babysitter booked for our daughter, but she canceled. The wedding is tomorrow.
I told May to look after my daughter while we were at the wedding. May refused. She has some type of test tomorrow that finishes at 11. I and my husband need to be out of the house by 11.45/12 at the most if we want to make it in time.
May catches public transportation home that takes her almost an hour. I suggested she catch a cab which would take less time, but she doesn’t want to pay for that and have to rush out of her test.
I reminded her of our agreement. May mentioned before that she usually doesn’t need the full time required for tests and exams. If she leaves a little earlier, she can make it by 12 catching public transportation.
It’s hard looking for a last-minute babysitter, especially since May is staying here knowing our agreement. I told her that I’m doing her a big favor by letting her stay rent-free in my home, and if she was going to be like this then she was free to leave.
May is pretty upset over this but I think it’s fair.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, She isn’t refusing for reasons she can change. An exam is an important event and cannot be skipped. Both of your compromise suggestions require her to rush to complete her test, which has a likely effect of lowering her grade so she can take care of your kid.
Asking her to pay for a cab is even worse as it effectively penalizes her for daring to go to an exam when you need a babysitter. While your request fits the letter of the agreement, I think it goes against the spirit as her primary reason to agree to it was to attend college or university, and you are attacking her ability to do so.
Either way, you are being unnecessarily harsh and cruel to attempt to enforce your agreement. Find an alternative babysitter or some way to care for the kid at least until she gets back from her exam.” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – There was obviously a reason you booked a sitter in advance.
If the sitter canceled you can’t bully your sister into doing the job without a certain understanding about how much notice you give her and because this is last minute you can’t force her to do something like pay for a cab. Honestly, you should offer to pay for a cab.
Also, you shouldn’t be holding the threat of kicking her out every time something comes up where there is a conflict of time. She’s taking a test which is something she needs for school. It sounds like she’s willing to help but you may not be able to leave on time.
That’s the result of your sitter canceling and your plans being adjusted. Don’t treat your sister like she’s the help.” Professional_Big_731
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re springing this on her last minute, she has an important prior commitment, and apparently, you suggested she take a cab but didn’t offer to pay for it.
At a minimum, you should pay cab fare for her since you’re the ones needing her to get home sooner than the way she pays for herself. It’s ridiculous to expect her to plan to leave the exam early no matter what and jeopardize her grade for your social engagement.
She’s not breaking the understanding she has with you, you’re just expecting her to have no responsibilities or commitments whenever you want her time. You are the one being unreasonable in this situation.” IndependentBoot5479
14. AITJ For Wanting To Seat Next To My Mom?
“Me (f36) and my mother (f78) flew a 4-hour flight this summer. We were allocated seats A and D – so a window seat and a seat just across the aisle with 2 people in between. My mother is a bad flier, and also has anger issues (another problem!!) so I was really worried about sitting away from her.
An older couple in their 70s came and said they were in seats B and C. I explained my mum didn’t like flying and would one of them to swap so I could sit in seat B next to her. They were very nice and accommodating, said of course, and so we all settled in with the two older people next to each other, both in aisle seats.
Then a mother, father, and 2-year-old get on the plane. They sit in front of us. It turns out they are the family of ‘granny’ and ‘grandpa’ who have changed seats for us. Immediately the mother starts to complain. I let her grandmother explain the situation and we all smile and say ‘hope that’s ok’.
It was not…
The mother of the 2-year-old says it’s unacceptable. They had actually reserved these seats as the little 2-year-old likes to look through the seats and see granny and grandpa and play with them. Having 1 behind, and 1 behind but across the aisle would not do.
We exchange a couple of sentences but the mother is mad. However granny and grandpa try to calm her. I’m burying my head as I hate confrontation and my mother makes enough confrontations wherever we go usually.
In the end, we all stay in these changed seats, but there is a horrible atmosphere and constant complaining from the mother and father in front for an hour between themselves.
In hindsight, I should have gone to sit and seats C and D, and given granny and grandpa seats A and B but I just wanted the drama to go away as people were looking at this woman’s raised voice despite the people who originally agreed to the move being OK with it all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – extra funds were paid for that seating arrangement. People should not impose on others where money is involved unless there are exigent circumstances. Most people are agreeable and will succumb to the request of a stranger (confidence tricksters and charity collectors rely on this), so those who are brazen enough to make requests should not do so where there is some kind of ‘cost’ (financial or otherwise) to the person.
You want a particular seating arrangement? You PAY like that family had to.” yellowfolder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked politely to switch seats and were granted your request by the person whose seat it was.
The complaining mum sounded at her wit’s end. I’m sorry for her being frustrated – probably due to something you’ll never know – but the seat swap happened, and that is it.
You’ve no blame, no shame.
Though it is worrying me why the mother was so fraught. I know firsthand that traveling with small children can be a challenging experience. Though I would not play out any of my frustrations on anyone else.” ofbalance
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here only for the fact that:
You went ahead and swapped seats before the flight expecting the others to agree, especially when they picked and paid for the seats they wanted as there was a ‘plan’ in place.
The kid should really be facing forward in the seat with the buckle on, not crawling over seats and looking behind to interact.
You could’ve checked with the flight attendant before swapping seats so that they could find volunteers to swap with you (I’m a flight attendant, and we happily will!).
You can always request that the gate agent place you together based on availability before boarding with confirmed seats.” User
13. AITJ For Telling My Partner It's Not My Fault He's Fat?
“My partner has always been a bit chubby but gained a lot of weight during the global crisis too. I don’t know how much he weighs but he wears an XXL at 5’10. Since his weight gain, he has been nagging me about my eating habits.
I eat much healthier than him but he doesn’t seem to realize it because we don’t live together. I usually eat healthily but when we go out I want a steak. He gets annoyed and tells me since he’s ordering a salad I need to order one too.
He likes to just order whatever I’m ordering but then gets mad if it’s not what he wants to eat. He eats really unhealthy but eats healthy when we are together and preaches healthy eating but it’s only junk in his fridge and place.
Whereas I eat healthy at home and only go out 1-2 times a month to eat out so you best believe I’m enjoying it.
Recently we took a long road trip for 2 weeks and it was a nightmare. Like I’ll have some chocolate on a long road trip and he gets mad saying I can’t eat that in front of him.
I’m pretty small (5’6 130lb) so he constantly tells me I’m lucky and blessed with good genes and can eat whatever I want and he’s genetically cursed so he can’t lose weight. I point out he had 4 hotdogs, 3 sodas, and a bucket (yes a bucket) of cookies at the state fair and he would get mad and say he’s done talking about it and mope.
Then he tries to “catch” me eating something he thinks I shouldn’t eat like chips basically saying ‘aha! You eat junk food too, therefore, you should be fat!’. Is so annoying and I finally lost my temper and told him it’s not my fault he’s fat he just can’t control his mouth.
He started screaming at I don’t know what it’s like and I’m just lucky I can eat want and I’m ruining his weight loss by eating junk in front of him. We got home and I ignored all his calls because I’m honestly sick of him.
But AITJ for having lost my temper and said what I think is the truth?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, and he sounds exhausting. I wouldn’t want to be around someone trying to gotcha me about food like this.
That said if you’re sticking around –
It sounds like he should try doing a food journal/tracking nutrition macros. Lotta apps for it, I like the chronometer. Even without following a specific diet, having that information recorded is pretty powerful both as a tool when someone isn’t necessarily being totally honest with themselves about what they eat.
And if the act of logging food makes him question it and eat less, win. If he continues to not lose weight, there’s the record.
But regardless, you’re not responsible for his weight, you’re not a jerk for reaching a breaking point with his attempts to convince you you are.” admweirdbeard
Another User Comments:
“Why are you with him?
Honestly, this behavior alone is not healthy for you, don’t mind the food itself.
He sucks. Sorry but it’s quite obvious when he clearly has an issue but is too lazy to hit the gym and work on himself so instead, he will hold the whole world (mostly you) accountable for this.
You told him off multiple times and he doesn’t stop. This is where a boundary has to be drawn – he doesn’t get to tell you what you do with your food or he can go pound sand. Either way the projecting is strong with this one and he needs to work on himself first before he can maintain a relationship.
It’s not your problem to deal with and not your pot of soup to stir.
NTJ” BossyBish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner is scapegoating you to deal with his own control issues. If the only thing holding him back is you demonstrating sympathetic eating, even that’s an unsustainable practice for long-term healthy attitudes to food and consumption.
But I don’t think you’re a bad person for losing your temper; it’s a normal, human reaction to have to being food policed, especially when you know he’s just micromanaging your eating so he can practice confirmation bias and because controlling you is an easier coping method for him based around him never having to accept accountability for his own eating habits.” addisonavenue
Have them give y'all both workups for eating healthy, caloric intake and portion sizes.
Your list is going to probably be similar to what you are already doing...
His will show exactly where his real issues lay and he will have to focus on those himself yo improve.
No, you don't need to lose weight, but it shows solidarity and your commitment to the relationship and that you are listening to his concerns about y'all's eating, if you do this with him.
Even ask the dietician directly, with your SO there to hear, if it's okay to have a serving of junk food here and there and the allowed amounts. This is info that he actually needs to hear, 1) so he can learn what he needs to do, 2) so he will learn that what you did on snacking was perfectly acceptable while still maintaining a healthy diet.
He may still occasionally poke at you in resentment of you being slim and him not, but hopefully the more progress he makes, the less frequent it will happen.
12. AITJ For Having A Different Energy At Home?
“I’m the sort of person who’s very extroverted and high energy when I’m out somewhere, a total party animal, but very quiet and restful when I’m at home.
For most of our relationship, my partner and I have been long-distance. We met in college, then he went to live with his family a state away, while I got an apartment in the city.
So whenever he visits, it’s a whirlwind of going out, catching up with the college friend group, and coming back to mine to… lemme just say not go straight to sleep!
And whenever I visit him, I’m just kinda socially “on” the whole time because he has a big family, and I sleep on a pullout bed in the family room.
So before we moved in together, we just hadn’t spent a lot of time just relaxing together at home.
But a month ago, he moved into my apartment.
And for the first few days, he just seemed kinda antsy at home. I’d be chilling, and he’d be hanging out being super high energy and kinda frustrated when I didn’t match that energy all day every day.
After just a week of living together, he told me that I ‘turn into a different person’ when we’re home together, and it feels like when we go out with other people, I flip a switch and become the girl he’s always known, social, engaged, funny, thoughtful but as soon as we walk through the door, I flip it back and become distant, vacant, acting like I don’t wanna talk, wanting everything quiet.
I said it isn’t anything about him, I just need some restful time, I can’t be at 110% energy level all the time, I’ve always been like this. I’ll be wild when I go out, and very chill when I go home.
He said that then at least I wanted to talk like we used to, living together it’s like I wanna be left alone all night.
I said that before we’d call for like an hour, but now we end up talking for a lot longer! But it can’t be nonstop, I’m just not extroverted enough for that.
He said I was the most extroverted person he knows like I can go into a room where I know nobody and befriend half the party.
I said I had to be trying for that tho like it’s work to always be ‘on’ and bubbly. And after 8 hours of a client facing job, I’m kinda drained from being ‘on’ in that way.
He said he was upset it’d been 3 years and now he was finding out I had been putting an act on when I was around him, and I tried to explain that it’s not an act, it really is a side of my personality.
But I also had a more quiet restful side of my personality too, when I’m chilling. And being long distance, we didn’t usually end up just chilling when we were together!
I feel like he feels let down and lied to that I’m not like… super high energy and bubbly 24/7 but honestly, I feel kinda hurt he’d expect that, I feel like that’s too much to expect from anyone, even a super outgoing girl.
AITJ for having different energy at home with my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Seems like you have a pretty good handle on what the situation is. It’s normal enough to have different energy levels at different times, to need to ‘recharge’ when you’re home, and to want to have some alone time even when you live with someone you love.
It’s also pretty normal to have problems come up when you move in with someone that didn’t present themselves before. The biggest question is, is this a problem that he has with you, or is this a problem that the two of you can face together?
Because that, in my honest opinion, is the real test of whether a couple is going to work or not. Are you on the same team, or does he really feel lied to and betrayed?
If you can talk it out and verify that you’re on the same team, some solutions might include: having scheduled activities that you do together (home or out), having some sign (literal or otherwise) that you want to be left alone right now, training yourselves to be more communicative about your needs, etc.” TheTiniestBison
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s insulting you because you… relax at home? Did he think he managed to keep an LDR with you out partying every night and throwing yourself out there constantly and needing constant stimulation? You did not lie and it’s totally normal for social butterflies to cocoon at home for long periods.
He might have lied to himself about what kind of person he thinks you are but he absolutely lied to you if he said he cared about you as a person rather than as free entertainment and ego-boosting performer.” HannahAnthonia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
The two of you had different expectations about what living together was going to be like, is all. It’s no one’s fault.
But no, there’s nothing wrong with the way that you’re behaving.
I will say, though, that it sounds like you might be more introverted than you think.
There’s a misconception that introverts are shy in public settings, but that’s not always the case. Some introverts are also shy, but many are gregarious and social.
The real indicator is what you’re like when you need to recharge. If you’re tired and you’ve been very socially active, do you regain energy by going out and being around people, or do you regain energy by being alone at home?
If it’s the latter, then you may be an introvert (or at least more introverted than you thought), and maybe you can explain it to your partner that way, that you literally need quiet time to recharge.
It can be hard for an introvert and an extrovert to live together unless both people understand what makes the other person tick, and is respectful of their needs.
You also can’t take it personally when somebody wants to do something that you don’t. It has to be okay if one person wants to go hang out at a friend’s house and the other wants to stay home and read. It sounds like your partner is taking it personally that you’re not talking to him as much at home.
Perhaps if he understands that the two of you just have different needs in this area, it might help.” Red-belliedOrator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re an extroverted introvert. You can be incredibly social in groups but still, recharge with quiet time at home. Nothing wrong with it, and no deception at hand.
He just needs to adjust to knowing you that much better, which is the whole point of moving in together. Accusing you of tricking him is a pretty horrible comment and does raise my eyebrows at him. Someone who immediately starts to attack you for not being what they imagine you to be may not be a great partner long-term.” Accomplished-Cheek59
11. AITJ For Getting A Second Opinion From A Different Doctor?
“I (17f) haven’t been feeling well the past 3 weeks, I’ve felt faint, lightheaded, weak, and have passed out a few times. My mum (42f) believed that I was feeling like this because I was tired from school and the amount of work I need to do.
Even after telling her how I was feeling and even how I had passed out while doing homework she brushed it off and said I was just sleepy and that I’d get over it eventually.
After a week my mum finally took me to the doctor, I know I’m old enough to go myself but I have an anxiety disorder so I find making appointments hard.
It felt like more of a ‘getting me to shut up’ sort of visit more than one concerning my health. When at the appointment my mum did most of the talking, saying things that weren’t exactly true, she sugar-coated everything I said to her and then gave her personal opinion where she thinks I’m feeling like this because I’m on my period (which I was).
The doctor agreed and did a b***d pressure test and an eye-tracking test thingy. He concluded that I had low b***d pressure and vertigo. he said low b***d pressure was normal for girls my age and that I’ll get over my vertigo by drinking and eating more.
We then left without asking any more questions.
My problem with this appointment was that I had been drinking and eating perfectly fine before and during this, all happened, with me drinking at-least 3l of water and three whole meals a day. After talking with my brother (22m) and my friends they said that my symptoms don’t sound normal. My brother said I’m better off going to another doctor without my mum.
So he booked me an appointment with another one at a different surgery. We both came to the conclusion it would be best to not tell my mum because I would most likely get lectured for going to another doctor, and I’d be told I’m being dramatic or something.
At the appointment, the doctor seemed concerned with the symptoms I was showing and took a b***d and urine sample, a few days later I was diagnosed with anemia and was given a prescription to help treat it.
Before I went to pick it up I told my mum about the doctor’s trip and she freaked out, saying how it was rude of me to go behind her back and go to a different doctor.
Saying that if I had been patient and taken my doctor’s advice I would’ve been fine in a few week’s time. She then switched up and said how she felt betrayed because she felt as if her own daughter couldn’t trust her meaning she had failed as a mother.
It’s been a few hours and I’m starting to feel guilty about going behind my mum’s back, I didn’t want to hurt her and I’m starting to think that if I did eat healthier then maybe my iron deficiency would’ve gone away, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. the first doctor clearly didn’t diagnose you properly because of your mother’s utter lack of respect for you and essentially throwing your symptoms out the window & sugarcoating your symptoms to the doctor. I’m so glad your brother was able to help you get another doctor’s appointment and you were able to get properly diagnosed without her interfering.
Mom is being incredibly terrible to you, do not ever feel guilty about doing what’s best for you. she did not/does not have your best interest at heart. and now that you’ve been properly diagnosed and have the appropriate medication, I hope that your symptoms greatly improve.” Snommies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had anemia. It got so bad that I would get winded just walking about 40 feet from the house to the car. I’d get in the car and be out of breath and trembling like I’d just run a marathon, uphill!
From WALKING 40 feet. Once I got diagnosed, I couldn’t get that iron in me fast enough, it took another 6 weeks before I felt even close to okay.
Your mom straight up told the doctor A STORY of what she THOUGHT was going on. She did NOT tell the doctor the TRUTH about your symptoms. You actually went to the second doctor in self-defense.
Your mom is WRONG that you would have been okay in a few weeks, you would have gotten worse and ended up in the hospital for DAYS, with iron being pumped into your arm through an IV, and if they do it wrong, it is really PAINFUL, it is definitely really uncomfortable even when done right, then you have the taste of metal in your mouth for days and no matter how often you brush your teeth, it still tastes like metal.
This looks to be part of a larger pattern; is she regularly dismissive of your NEEDS? Not wants, but NEEDS? You should definitely examine her behavior closely because it is evident there is at the very LEAST, some medical/health neglect going on here, I shudder to think she’s been doing this for years.
You should probably seek out a therapist who specializes in family trauma and see what you can uncover. This behavior on her part is extremely troubling.
On the other hand, your brother is a solid ROCK STAR for helping you make another appointment and helping you keep it secret.
You did NOTHING WRONG. Your mom has a desire/need to CONTROL you and that is super unhealthy. It wouldn’t surprise me if THAT is where your anxiety comes from. Your mom has probably been projecting things onto you for years, making you feel like the things she says are your thoughts and feelings, if you were to unpack it all in therapy, you may find out you are a lot healthier, happier, and more secure than you realize, simply with the realization that your mom’s control issues over/with you are actually NOT A PART OF YOU.
Good luck OP, please be careful with what you tell your mom, her behavior is really troubling and I think you need to get away from that house sooner rather than later!” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did fail you as a mother. She took you to a doctor that didn’t listen to YOUR concerns, she steamrolled the appointment and fed the doctor HER view of how you’re feeling and you trusted your gut instinct and went for another appointment because you knew something was wrong with you.
Women get brushed aside a lot when they bring up health situations – like it’s just ‘that time’ and a little chocolate and rest will make everything better. Good on you for advocating for yourself, because you’ve learned now that your mother won’t for you.” lemonmelonlemonmelon
10. AITJ For Embarrassing My Coworker As Revenge?
“I’m a uni student working in retail. In NZ it’s a long weekend this weekend and when you work on public holidays you get paid time and a half.
Since the PH landed on my fixed shift (so the shift I do every time without fail) I would be working on the PH and get paid time and a half.
Last night my co-worker messaged me asking for the shift, I said no sorry, I’m working it.
She asked again saying she really needs it and I told her again no sorry, I can and will be working the shift and I also need the hours. She said that she really needs the money for her kids and I told her again that I need the funds too and that maybe some other shifts will open up later in the week.
She told me no she needs this one cause it’s time and a half and needs stuff for her kids and that I wouldn’t understand as I don’t have kids. This really annoyed me. I told her that just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t need the money.
She said I’m being an inconsiderate brat to a single mother and I live at home for free and my parents pay for everything and that she’s seen me live my life on Instagram and I waste money. I told her that not that I had to justify myself, but her having children has nothing to do with me, I pay for my things and contribute to my household, and my parents don’t pay for any of my stuff, also yes, I don’t have kids so I have the extra money that I can spend however I like because it’s MY money and that maybe she should be more responsible with her money cause I’ve also seen her Instagram stories of her going out and partying.
She called me an inconsiderate spoiled little jerk and said I’m not going to heaven for disrespecting a mother like that.
I screenshot the message and sent it to our work GC to show everyone what she said and now my work team is split.
3 of my co-workers said the way she spoke to me was disgusting and disrespectful and that I don’t owe her anything. But the other 3 say I was a witch for the way I spoke to her and I could’ve said it nicely, and I’m also a jerk for sending it to the GC and embarrassing her.
(My manager isn’t in this GC, it’s one we have separate from the main chat so she doesn’t know what happened) Now, this co-worker has nonstop been messaging me calling me a jerk for embarrassing her and that if I don’t apologize and give her the shift she’ll tell our manager.
At first, I told her to tell our manager as I did nothing wrong, but now I’m kinda concerned and think maybe I was a jerk.
So AITJ?
EDIT: I’ve sent the screenshots and an explanation to my manager. It’s Sunday morning here so I don’t know when she’ll see it.
EDIT 2: my manager saw my messages and said I should’ve muted my coworkers’ messages after the first no. And that she will speak to her on Tuesday about her language toward me as she’s off for the long weekend. So nothing will happen till Tuesday.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your coworker harassing you about a shift you normally work was a complete jerk move. You have every right to deny to switch shifts for any reason. She should have just accepted your answer and tried asking someone else or looking for a second job if she’s so low on funds.
You would not have been a jerk for taking that to your manager. Even if the manager initially told her to try to switch shifts with you I’m sure they didn’t mean to attack you unprofessionally.
You though became the jerk when you shared this in a GC.
This was not a professional move and if she does go to your manager you’ll likely both get in trouble now. Just because she was being a jerk to you didn’t mean you needed to sink to her level. Should have just let your manager sort her out.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“So everyone sucks here. Firstly, her asking and when being told no the first time, trying what I call the ‘spaghetti is done wall method’ of guilting, shaming, and berating you to get what she wants. (Spaghetti done method, throw cooked spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks or ‘works’)
You suck here. You really shouldn’t have ‘ZOMG you guyszzz look like what Unhinged Eunice is doing to me’ in the group chat. That could be considered brigading by HR and seriously you need to grow up at work. This isn’t Teen Girl Squad Instastories anymore, you can’t pull this gossipy nonsense anymore.
The group for not being mature enough to butt right out of this and telling you that group chat isn’t the place for this conflict and that you two need to stop the group chat drama now. Everyone loves soap operas though.
So, you’ll have to grow a pair of your gonads of choice and go to your manager.
Tell her the truth, and apologize for the group chat thing but tell her that you need the harassment to stop.
Lastly, you need to curate your social media circles. Since closing it down probably isn’t an option, although I’d highly recommend it, I’d suggest you either make a public one and keep it as bland and boring as possible and a private one where no one but you and your select friends get to see your extravagant lifestyle.
You’ll find work much more peaceful.
I gave up social media and the proudest moment of my life was when my colleague said she couldn’t find me on social media. I was like, I know! It’s so great not having extra work of curating my life for public consumption!” Icy-Establishment298
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – her more than you. But also you should go to your manager or HR and let them know the whole story before she goes and makes herself the victim. I don’t know what your (if any) protected classes are but child-having is one in the US (i.e., having or not having children legally cannot be used to determine work-related or hiring-related anything).
She targeted you because you don’t have kids and presumed your lifestyle was of a particular manner.
Head her off, report her, take your lashing for trying to stir the pot between co-workers, and then move forward. She will surely be reprimanded for harassment (probably not fired) but hopefully she’ll leave you alone.
Also, don’t be friends with all of your co-workers – not on social media, don’t have ‘fun’ group chats, etc. Not everyone you work with is an ally or worth the outside emotional investment because it can lead to stuff like this.” User
9. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Partner From The Airport?
“My partner and I are in an LDR. He typically comes to visit me once a month, I admittedly haven’t gone to see him since I don’t love spending time in his town.
Recently, he came to visit—I told him that I’d meet him at my home and offered to pay for his Uber. When we let up, he told me that he was disappointed that I haven’t ever picked him up from the airport and that it made him feel a bit unloved because I also haven’t gone to see him at his home.
I told him it was a lot of work to drive down to the airport and was out of the way from my office and home, and that it was most convenient for him to take an Uber, which I had offered to pay for.
He seemed really saddened by and anxious about that, and said that it was important to him to spend as much time as possible together when visiting because it only happens once a month. I told him I was sorry he was upset, but that it wasn’t fair of him to get mad at me for not meeting needs he didn’t communicate until now.
The conversation ended soon after that and he went home.
AITJ for not picking up my partner from the airport?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not being honest about your real feelings.
The truth is that you are just not that into him. You see him once a month – don’t want to visit him because you don’t like the town and can’t be inconvenienced by picking him up.
People in a relationship with someone they truly cared about would want to reciprocate by visiting the other person because the location is less important than the time spent with the loved one. They would also want to pick up at the airport to maximize the thrill of the limited time spent – I mean typically you would pick the person up and then head out for lunch, drinks or a dinner out so driving out of your way shouldn’t be an issue.
For example, if I picked up a friend at the airport it would mean that I was in a different area of town and we could take the opportunity to explore a bit – e.g. I am in Los Angeles so if I drove to LAX I would be closer to areas like the beach or southern parts of LA which I wouldn’t ordinarily drive to and so would make the most of being in a new unexplored place.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You won’t make an effort to visit him, and saying you don’t like spending time in the place where he lives isn’t an excuse. You’re visiting the one you’re supposed to love, not his city. That’s just selfish and lazy out of the gate.
Then when he makes a considerable effort and incurs expense to come to you (because you can’t be screwed to do the same for him) you can’t even go meet him because it’s inconvenient for you. Know what’s inconvenient? Traveling to see your SO because they won’t reciprocate visits.
10 of 10 on the selfish scale.
The bottom line, you’re giving every indication that you don’t care all that much about him or the relationship. He would be totally justified in calling it quits because you are not putting in any effort. That’s a really good way to make sure an LDR fails, and it is 100% on you.” letdogsvote
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Any relationship is always going to have minor issues and inconveniences you won’t like or would not prefer to do.
You do them, sometimes going out of your way, to show you are invested, care, and are willing to put the time and effort into the relationship for that person.
I’m not talking about allowing someone to stomp your boundaries… but showing up at the airport to pick them up, isn’t a boundary.
You just prove to him time and again that you don’t want to put the effort in and that you’d rather have him deal with all the stress and hassle.
That even minor inconveniences to you are more important than he is.
And you not visiting his town because you don’t love it… why should that even matter? Your love for him should come first.” AbbyBirb
If my partner was not around but one weekend a month I would be excited to go see him, no matter where he lives.
Why? Because we'd be spending nearly every minute in the bedroom and sitting on the couch talking.We wouldn't go site seeing or anything.
Reconnecting. Quality time together.
If you loved him. If you wanted to see him. If you cared about his feelings. But I don't see that in your post.
You can't even be bothered to go pick him up. You haven't seen him in weeks and don't sount like you care that he's coming.
8. AITJ For Siding With My Daughter?
“I (34F) have a child (16f) named Emilie from a previous marriage I and her dad (37m whose name is Daniel) are still good friends we divorced since he came out as gay which I didn’t mind we still went on vacations as a family along with his new husband Ethan (35m) two years ago I’ve met my husband Ryder (35m).
He knew about the relationship I had with Daniel and Ethan and never minded until starting a year ago. I could see he was starting to not like it for some odd reason though he never said anything until starting two months ago. He would always make comments like ‘Exes shouldn’t stay friends it’s weird’ and ‘Why don’t you stay here they don’t always have to have a trip with you’ which they don’t always do.
These comments made me mad a few times leading to us to have little fights.
It got out of hand yesterday when he and Emilie were fighting saying he would never count her as a daughter which made me angry and Emilie storming off to her room.
Once she did, I and Ryder had a fight he was mad saying why was I taking Emilie’s side and not his. I told him ‘Because she is my daughter and I believe the kids should come first before your partner’ making him get mad at me.
I could see violence in his eyes so I packed mine and Emilie’s bags and then went to stay at Daniel’s for a few nights since they were the only other family I had in America. Ryder and his family were calling me saying I was a jerk because ‘The husband comes first in the relationship’ and now I’m thinking of a divorce… so AITJ?
(Edit: The fight was about Emilie wanting all of us to go on a hike with Daniel and Ethan he said no talking about That people shouldn’t hang out with their exes).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ryder is wrong. The fact that you’re able to be friends with not just your ex but his new husband is awesome.
Taking family vacations with them is undoubtedly great for Emilie and not having the kind of tension and bickering that often comes with co-parenting provides a much healthier environment for everyone.
There is something more going on here. Ryder seems like he’s feeling insecure about something and wants to push your ex and his husband out of your and Emilie’s lives.
Thing is, Daniel is Emilie’s dad and Ethan is her stepdad. Ryder doesn’t get a say, they are part of Emilie’s life and that’s that.
Ryder and his family are also wrong about spouses coming first. Emilie comes first, this is especially true since she’s still a minor.
Trust your instincts. If you think Ryder could be dangerous, treat him as if he is. Protect yourself and Emilie. Good luck!” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and YES. DIVORCE HIM. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DO NOT LET THIS MAN STAY IN YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTER’S LIFE.
Your child ABSOLUTELY comes before your partner, and anyone who doesn’t realize that is out of their mind and dangerous for your child to be around! Who says something like that to a kid??? He thinks he can scream at your daughter and tell her that she’d never be his family and honestly didn’t realize that you would be mad about it and that you’d pick your freaking CHILD over him???
And if he looked at you with violence and made you feel like you or your daughter could be in danger… hon. Divorce him now, get everything you can, have the police or Meathead Movers or someone like that with you when you get your stuff or kick him out of the house, protect yourself and your baby!” Dark_Moonstruck
Another User Comments:
“Your husband Daniel is the jerk. You have stayed friends with your ex-husband and that’s a testament to the type of person you are, a very kind and nice person and a wonderful person. Daniel demands that he comes first over your daughter and the fact he thinks it’s weird that you are still friends with your ex (it’s wonderful, not weird) makes him a controlling jerk.
You really don’t need a man like Daniel in your life, he knew the score when he met you and now he’s trying to change it. Has your ex and his husband seen any red flags with Daniel but they didn’t say them because they didn’t want to hurt you or had your daughter said anything to you about Daniel ie his treatment of her but she didn’t want to say?
You are NTJ, you are a great parent and a good and kind person.” Flat_Librarian_1724
7. AITJ For Talking About My Friend's Relationship To His Family?
“I (33M) have been friends with Winton (33M) for 10 years and we became good friends.
Winton is gay and married to his partner of 6 years. They are completely in love and both sides of their families are supportive and they have a very strong relationship. Winton is very open with me and he told me some years ago that he and his partner decided to have an open relationship and they are allowed to sleep with other people on the side.
From what I know it completely works for them and they are happy. However, they have not told many other friends and especially their families.
About 2 years ago, Winton set me up on a date with his cousin Sally (27F) as he thought we would be perfect for each other, and he was right.
Sally was kind and beautiful, and we make each other so happy. We hit it off after our first date and have been inseparable since. Before Winston introduced us to each other, he specifically asked me not to say anything about his intimate life to Sally, as he didn’t want to explain it to her and his family, and I agreed.
3 months ago, I proposed to Sally and she accepted. I asked Winton to be my best man and of course, he was ecstatic. The night that we got engaged, Sally and I were talking in bed and the topic of secrets came up. She basically said, if we are to be married, she hopes that we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other and asked if there were any secrets she should know about.
I didn’t say anything at first but Sally noticed I was dodging the question and started pressing me about what I was withholding. She was getting paranoid thinking I had some huge secret and asked if I was gay or had another girl on the side.
I tried to reassure her it was nothing but she was getting more agitated.
Eventually, I explained to her that Winston was in an open relationship. Sally calmed down and said she thought it would be something bigger. She said what Winston and his partner did was their own thing and she didn’t care.
I asked her to not say anything and she agreed.
A week later, I get a call from Winston and he is yelling and asking why I told Sally. Apparently, Sally told one of her other cousins and the news was spreading like wildfire in their family.
Winston’s parents are upset and have been crying and the grandparents completely don’t understand and don’t want to see Winston. Sally’s parents asked Winston not to be a part of the wedding anymore because they didn’t want the wedding to be overshadowed.
I apologized to Winston but he hung up on me and told me never to contact him again.
I confront Sally and she said she didn’t mean to say anything and it slipped out when she was at brunch and had too many mimosas. I feel terrible about the whole situation. I know I was definitely wrong to betray Winton’s trust, but on the other hand, my finance was pressing me and I don’t feel like I should have kept secrets from her.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You already know you did wrong, and not just that, because of you Winston is now being ostracized by his whole family. This was a pretty big *******. She was asking if YOU had secrets. This has nothing to do with you.
You had absolutely no reason to tell it. If you really, really, really thought you had to share this information with Sally, you should have put the conversation on pause and talked with Winston first. Any way you slice this, YTJ. I hope you can make this right for Winston’s sake because he didn’t deserve this.
Edit to add that Sally seems kind of like a jerk too for promising not to tell and then telling the family immediately. It sounds like you two are perfect for each other.” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, I would say everyone sucks here except for Winston.
Sally put you in a bad position by asking you to share all of your secrets. I think you should have told her that the only secrets you are keeping aren’t yours to share. I understand feeling like put on the spot and panicking but you broke your friend’s trust in a major way by revealing something he specifically asked you not to tell her.
That being said, once you told her she also was in the wrong for telling everyone in the family. Still, she wouldn’t have told someone she shouldn’t have if you hadn’t told someone you shouldn’t have first, so I definitely think you did worse in this situation.
It sounds like this ended up seriously damaging Winston’s relationship with his family, and it might have permanently damaged your friendship with him as well.” Traditional-Okra-937
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You never, ever, out someone without their express permission. You had already promised Winston you wouldn’t do it, and that takes precedence over anything else.
You just caused Winston a catastrophic amount of damage in his relationship with his family, so good job.
The correct response in this situation, if you are inclined to agree, is ‘I will not keep personal secrets from you, but some things are not mine to tell.’ And then you stick to it.
Side note: ‘No secrets’ relationships are not necessarily the healthiest. Everyone has the right to space in their brain, the sanctity of their past, and the right to keep the secrets of others. Agreeing to that kind of relationship with Sally makes you untrustworthy to others, and guarantees you’ll be living under a microscope.
So I’d reconsider whether you really want this kind of agreement, especially since Sally’s proven herself unable to keep secrets from others.” katie-kaboom
6. AITJ For Disturbing Our Roommate's Sleep?
“I (20M) live with two other roommates Jeff (21M) and Amelia (20NB) in our three-bedroom apartment. Our apartment is fully furnished and includes a shared kitchen and living room space.
I and Amelia are best friends and have known each other since 6th grade and moved in with another friend who moved out at the end of the year. Jeff was randomly assigned to us at the end of the summer.
All three of us were very cool with each other in the beginning, except that Jeff absolutely can’t stand that I and Amelia occasionally watch movies, tv shows, and converse in the living room late into the night usually ending around 1-2 am, mostly because both of us close at our jobs and don’t get out until 10-11 pm.
After a couple of instances of getting texts from Jeff asking us to ‘Please be quiet’ or ‘Please just go into your rooms’ I messaged Jeff asking him if we could find a compromise, I and Amelia already lowered the tv and talking levels and we were used to hanging out like this 3-4 nights a week but now to accommodate Jeff we only do these late night hangouts once on the weekend and not during the school week.
Even then Jeff still instructs us even on the one night a week to vacate the living room at 12.
Jeff stated that we are violating his rights as a tenant to peaceful and quiet sleep and that he has morning classes and opens at his job and that he will not accept anything less than adherence to a strict ban on the living room after 12 midnight.
I responded and told him that he is violating our rights as tenants to freely roam around common spaces we all pay for, I told him essentially that we are not violating anything in our lease agreement or noise policy and that he will simply have to******* up.
He is now threatening us with official complaints through the leasing office and says we may get fined if we do not adhere to his proposed ban.
AITJ for telling him to deal with it and possibly violating his rights to sleep or are they the jerks for not willing to compromise and possibly violating our rights to exist in the common spaces?
UPDATE: Jeff actually did go ahead and file a complaint with the leasing office, however, he apologized and said that was the wrong way to handle things, especially because we hadn’t talked about it in person. We all sat down and he ended up apologizing for wanting to enforce a ban on the living room, saying it was wrong.
We ended up coming to the conclusion that this was clearly a lack of communication on his part and that in the future he will do better about updating us about his work and school schedule, letting us know when he won’t be there overnight, and finally clearly establishing what days were cool for him and what days weren’t.
Everything is alright between all of us and things should be smoother going forward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While I can empathize with both sides, and was close to saying ‘no jerks here’, I do think Jeff does seem like a jerk. Taking you at your word that the noise is at a respectful level, it seems like you and Amelia have made an effort to adjust your behavior and try to find a compromise.
Jeff on the other hand seems incapable of compromise and his threats of fines and infringing on his rights scream jerk behavior. Why can’t he fry sleeping with earplugs, or use a white noise machine?
While I agree with Jeff that 3-4 nights of late-night commotion would be disruptive, 1-2 nights a week seems reasonable and you guys should have every right to enjoy the common space of the unit.” Berly653
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are legitimately keeping him up, and he has already offered the compromise of you continuing your late-night activities from your rooms. Why not move a tv to one of your bedrooms and enjoy your late-night talks and shows from there?
There are also these wonderful things called headphones, which I suspect you have. Connect your Bluetooth headphones to the tv and enjoy your shows at whatever volume you like while Jeff sleeps. You may not realize you are being far louder than you think you’re being.
At this point, both of you are right and both of you are wrong, and at its heart, you are simply not compatible roommates due to opposite schedules.
If the above compromise of talking in your rooms and using headphones doesn’t work, actually talk to each other, no texting, say everyone is miserable and driving each other crazy, and offer to pay Jeff’s moving fees AND help him pack and move his stuff if he goes to the leasing office and looks for a new place better suited to his schedule.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he should live alone if he can’t compromise. He cannot tell you that you can’t go into your own living room or kitchen after midnight. He should try to soundproof his room, where noise canceling plugs, get a sound machine or use a fan (very soothing).
I think you should complain about him harassing you and making everyone uncomfortable, that he will not compromise and has threatened you.
You are doing nothing wrong I don’t get what he thinks you’ll be fined for? He’ll probably lie so be prepared.
Document everything.
Write down what he’s done or said. And go to the leasing office first, and have your friend do the same thing. It’s important for you both to state the facts exactly how they happened and how uncomfortable you both are now.” rainbow_mak3r
5. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancé's Insensitive Best Friend?
“I (f30) used to work to give pleasure to clients. Now I’m not proud of myself for what I did, but I don’t go hard on myself either because circumstances were impossible at the time and I did what I had to do to support my family and myself.
My fiance, m33 is completely aware of every single aspect of my past and he doesn’t judge me for it at all.
His friend, his best friend however tends to throw in some backhanded remarks about my past and say he’s just joking. He’s prone to making jokes about people’s personal lives and apparently, everybody is okay with it.
They call it ‘good sport.’
Last night, My fiance took me to dinner with his family and his best friend was there. We had dinner and started talking about the wedding which will take place next month. My fiance said something about the budget being tight and his friend said ‘Not so sure about this whole wedding thing since you might find yourself paying to sleep with her later on despite having the legal rights to it!’.
I was blown away! Truly blown away by what he said. I really wanted to let it go, but since my inlaws laughed then I blew up at him and called him an idiot. He was like, ‘relax it was a joke, didn’t you get it?
Well, it’s your problem then!’. My fiance tried to get me to calm down after I stood up but I got more annoyed and told his friend publicly that he was uninvited from the wedding then took my stuff and went home.
My fiance came back and he was flipping out at me saying it was a joke and I had no right to uninvite his best friend from the wedding like that.
I pointed out how his friend’s joke wasn’t really a joke but he said that I should quit being oversensitive and taking things too personally and seriously. We argued and he said it was his wedding too and that I was being controlling and moody.
I broke down crying and he accused me of using tears as manipulation to get the upper hand in this argument. I packed and went to stay with mom. My FMIL tried calling me to tell me about how I’m trying to drive a wedge between her son and his friend by uninviting him from the wedding.
I refused to speak to her on that but my fiance and she are clearly upset and think I overreacted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, aside from making derogatory comments about your work in the past, which is awful, to begin with, and I’m surprised you haven’t blown up at this guy before now, claiming that a husband has a legal right to sleeping with his wife is so beyond messed up.
That your fiancé sees nothing wrong with the comments his friend has made about you and your past shows that he’s not as accepting as you might think he is.
And while he’s flipping out on you and defending the gross comment his friend made he accuses you of manipulating him because you cried?
He’s a jerk for that alone.
Then, his mom thought she had any right to insert herself into a fight you had with your fiancé? Nope.
I do think you need to think long and hard about if you want to actually marry this guy.
Do you want your husband to allow people to disrespect you and expect you to sit quietly and just take it? Do you want your husband’s mom to insert herself into your relationship like that? Is this the kind of relationship you want to have?” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all!
The ‘joke’ was rude, offensive, and unnecessary. Not to mention inappropriate! IF let’s say, you’re okay with his bitter remarks in a casual setting… you surely wouldn’t appreciate his jokes being said in front of your in-laws.
You might want to assess if your fiancé and his family are the best fit for you to marry into though. I find it weird that they’re ALL okay with the disrespect that friend shows, let alone STILL want him at the wedding.
In addition to your fiancé’s reaction: calling you moody, manipulative, and controlling?
Really? You have every right to be upset and not be okay with someone disrespecting you (and having others laugh it off)” islasdiary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Also, WHAAAT?! ‘the legal right to it?!’ Even if he truly meant it as a joke, it’s not funny.
if your fiance is ok with that kind of ‘joke’ then I’d be worried about what other things he might be ok with – to me, being ok with that kind of ‘joke’ means that somewhere in his brain, your fiance agrees with it. Do you want to stay with a man who might think he has the right to your body just because you got married?
And how far might that attitude extend? You weren’t ‘being sensitive’ or ‘taking it too personally’. You were setting a boundary with what you find acceptable.
If this best friend of your fiance’s had been married and then got divorced because his partner had an affair, do you really think he’d be ok with you making pointed jokes about that?
I very sincerely doubt it.
Honestly when I read the line (about your fiance remarking that the budget was tight) that led into that friend’s ‘joke’, I had expected a very off-color remark about your past in the skin trade. It wouldn’t’ve been a good or funny joke, since you’re clearly uncomfortable with that part of your past, but if you wanted to keep the peace it could’ve been… tolerable.
but that the guy’s mind jumped to what it did… I’d’ve decked him.” TazzmFyrflaym
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother is getting married soon & they are keeping it kind of small and intimate, about 50 people. My wife and I recently had a baby about 3 months ago. Right before our son was born we moved to another state away from my wife’s family and my family for a job opportunity.
This has been difficult because we don’t have much help if we needed it & don’t know anyone if we wanted to have a babysitter. The wedding is on a Tuesday & is right before thanksgiving My dad and brother live here and we both will be attending the wedding.
As I was RSVPing it said, ‘we are not allowing kids so that everyone can feel comfortable and relaxed.’ So I texted my brother and asked if it was okay that we brought our baby because he is 3 months old and we don’t have anyone to watch him.
He replied that it would be better if we found a sitter or flew someone out here to watch him so we could attend the wedding. He wouldn’t want anyone else to ask ‘why did they bring their baby and we couldn’t bring ours?’
I was kind of shocked because, with our situation, we wouldn’t be able to afford to fly a family member out here, especially with the rates of flights two days before Thanksgiving. We also tried to see if this would even be a possibility & my family & wife’s family already have plans with it being Thanksgiving week.
The ceremony is in the afternoon and my wife is a cosmetologist who was going to help his wife get ready. She would have to be there around 12 and I can’t take work off til a few hours before. This also creates a problem because again she can’t just take our baby with her anymore.
I explained all of this and told him we may not be able to attend the wedding anymore because we wouldn’t have anyone to watch our baby for the day and how sorry I was. He then replied that ‘it would just be too hard for anyone to relax and drink and have fun with our baby there.’ I would understand if our baby was closer to a year old, but he is still breastfeeding & we can’t just leave him with a stranger.
He sleeps and eats right now & if he were to get fussy or cry we would leave the wedding. It’s hard not to feel that partying are more important than me and my family attending the wedding. I want it to be a special day for him and his wife so I would never try to jeopardize that.
But if we can’t figure something out for a babysitter, my wife and I can’t attend. So am I the jerk for telling my brother I probably won’t be able to attend his wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your child comes first – especially one so young!
As someone who had a ‘child-free’ wedding, I would have said yes to this circumstance. It’s a 3-month-old baby, not a toddler running around not listening or causing mischief.
The suggestion to watch your child while your wife does the makeup, and then have your wife MISS THE WEDDING while you attend, is just ridiculous.
If they are dead set on no kids, period, then yeah, you will be missing the wedding but don’t worry, your wife can attend after she does the bride’s makeup. It’s either all of you or only one (if your wife still wants to help with the makeup.)” coconutsky_cherrypie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I am child-free and would want a child-free wedding, but I also realize that by doing so, people with kids may not be able to come. You asked for an exception- which is totally fine for you to ask- your brother said no, and so now you decline the invitation and send a nice present.
You definitely aren’t a jerk for not going to the wedding. You have a very new baby, and you economically cannot swing flying in an additional person, nor would I suggest flying with such a young child given the state of the world and it is peak holiday travel, and you don’t have anyone to leave your child with so you and your wife can go, and also I would appreciate if you didn’t want to fly and leave your 3 month old even if you did have local people to rely on (it is one thing to go away overnight a few hours away by driving, another thing entirely to fly and leave your kid behind).
And I would just say, I appreciate that your feelings are hurt because you would want your brother to put aside the rule so you can be there for him, but let that pass and realize that weddings are about juggling a lot of priorities.
At the same time, your brother and family have no right to get mad at you for not going, because you are a new parent and the circumstances aren’t right for you to attend a child-free wedding. So have some internal feelings and let them go, but don’t let your family guilt you about not being there.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s ridiculous and inappropriate to expect anyone to leave a 3-month-old breastfeeding baby and travel that far; if something happened you’d have to fly to get home.
For an afternoon close to home a local sitter may be reasonable but not for overnight unless you had a close family with which the baby already has established comfort, and even then I’d be very reluctant.
Babies that age need their parents; being with someone unfamiliar would be traumatizing. Nor should you have to pay to fly someone last minute. A newborn is not the same as an older child, and all these people who are suggesting otherwise are either deluded anti-child people or deeply ignorant of child development.
Your brother can want a child-free wedding, but he cannot request you and your wife be separated from your newborn (and at your expense and still getting your wife’s free labor). The timing and the distance just don’t work.
However, if you wanted to make it work you could both go with the baby, and you could be back up while your wife helps the bride, and the bride would have to understand that your wife will need to take breaks to hold and feed the baby.
Then you could perhaps trade-off for the reception while the other watches the baby in the hotel room so both of you get to enjoy some of it even if not together. Or see if a trusted family member there could cover for an hour or so while the baby sleeps (if they sleep) to give both of you a bit of time.” calliopes_revenge
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Telling My Baby Daddy To Stay Away From Me?
“When my dad found out I was pregnant, he told my ex to stay away from me and to forget he had a child.
If my ex had been somebody else, my dad probably could’ve bullied or bribed him into staying away but instead, my dad has annoyed him, and now he’s trying to take our son away from me because he doesn’t want him around my family.
Things have been awful, especially since my dad recently suggested I give my son to him because it might be better for me. I accused my dad of not caring about me or my son but he claims he did, and that’s why he told my ex to stay away from us in the first place.
I told him he hadn’t done that to protect me, but because he was ashamed that I had gotten pregnant by somebody he assumed was beneath him. My dad denied it and is now angry at me.
The rest of my family told me I was being unfair and that my dad was doing everything he could to help me and has been since he found out about my pregnancy.
I told them it was his fault I was in this position in the first place and if he hadn’t said anything to my ex, he would’ve just pretended we didn’t exist.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your dad handled his concerns all the wrong way!
He may have been right about your ex and did what he thought was best, but it severely backfired, and you’re now in the situation you’re in because of it by the sounds of it. I would most definitely talk to a lawyer as soon as possible about all of this, your ex, and trying to establish custody and support.
Your dad should also be helping with the lawyer in my opinion! Good luck!” bromley325
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your dad was in his own ignorantly arrogant way trying to play the white knight here, which to be honest he should never have done.
While you are his child, your child has 2 parents also and whatever happens between you and your ex concerning your child is not his choice. I can understand your fear and anger when dad did nothing but stir the pot and complicate things. You as a parent need to set firm boundaries with your father and not just lash out emotionally.
Contact legal aid if you do not have an attorney and get some help drafting a parenting plan with your ex that includes monthly child support. This agreement is not just to cover you but to protect your child also from both your ex and your idiot of a father who needs to sit down and shut up.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’d better talk to an attorney about the situation with your ex and start putting in place legal documentation for custody and support. I don’t know how old you are, but you sound pretty young, but you’re about to be a single mom and you need to establish that you need to be treated as an adult.
That said, if you’re going to be living with and depending financially on your father, you will need to figure this out.” corgihuntress
2. AITJ For Lying To My Son About His Father?
“My son’s father just got out of prison and contacted me about seeing him.
He was in jail awaiting trial when my son (Ken) was born, and I did not put his name on the birth certificate. When I got married, my husband adopted Ken.
Ken is 16 now, and he had no idea his dad isn’t his biological father.
I was at a crossroads, but I decided that since Ken is almost an adult I had to be honest with him. My husband and I sat Ken down and told him the truth and that his bio father wanted to meet him. Ken was furious with me and didn’t want to finish talking to us.
He went to his friend’s house.
Ken didn’t give me a chance to explain why I did what I did. I wanted Ken to have a happy normal childhood, unburdened by the knowledge that his father is a criminal. I wanted him to have a healthy male role model.
Ken has thrived and is doing great in school. He has friends and even mentors middle schoolers through a program at school. I think my deception helped him.
Still, my son feels betrayed and currently won’t answer my calls. My husband managed to get a text saying he was okay and to give him space, but that is all.
Was I wrong for trying to protect him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should have told Ken that he was adopted earlier in his life. There would have been no harm in him knowing that his bio father wasn’t able to be a good dad from a young age.
But I’m really disturbed by the fact that your son’s criminal bio father calls and asks to visit and your response was pretty much, ‘Sure!’. People don’t spend 16+ years in prison for petty crimes, so this is a guy who made some really bad choices in life.
And you have no idea what impact 16 years in prison has had on him. You don’t know if it would be emotionally or physically safe for your son to be around this guy who all. But the minute he called, you tell your son that a stranger he’s never met wants some kind of relationship with him.
You gave your son no opportunity to have agency in this at all.
You need to put your son first. And you may have done that when you chose not to tell a young child that his father was a criminal. But you haven’t done that in giving him the opportunity to learn about his bio father and deciding for himself whether he wants to meet the guy.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have the right to make the appropriate choices that are right for your family. If Ken’s father has been in jail for 15 years the crime wasn’t a petty one and having a child grow up knowing that his biological dad is a criminal is not necessarily great for the psyche.
If he wanted contact before then, then he would have been able to contact you sooner and indicate that he wanted to know his son rather than waiting until he got out of prison. If your son’s biological father wanted no contact with him, then you and your husband have spared the heartbreak of not being wanted. It may have been better to consult a counselor first before sitting him down and laying out the information.
Whether or not you introduced that he was in jail or that your son asked about why his biological father wasn’t in his life sooner, the facts would have come out either way. The likelihood is you didn’t keep this fact in isolation, it was a choice not only by you, your husband but the rest of the family and all of you did it in the best interests of your son.
In my honest opinion, you dealt with it at the appropriate time.
Hopefully, your son can see that you’ve tried to do your best in raising him and that you gave him a healthy upbringing. Give him some time – he will come around. He’s 16 and even though on the whole he’s probably a very reasonable kid, the information was probably overwhelming and just needs time to calm down about things.
He probably is questioning who he is and you just need to reassure him that he is his own person.” zyris1
Another User Comments:
“You lied to him for 16 years about who he was – not just who his bio dad was but who he is as well – and you’re surprised he’s so upset?
His medical history, his heritage, and his origin story all just got ripped out from under him. His trust in the people raising him to tell him important truths just imploded. The responsible thing to do was tell him from a young age that he was adopted by your husband.
That’s what child psychology experts agree is right and it’s how my grandma handled something similar with my dad. You didn’t have to go into detail with your young child about where his bio dad was but outright lying for over a decade and a half?
Come on. Your deception did not help him grow up stable – you have now majorly destabilized him. YTJ big time!” Job_Moist
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Room To My Brother?
“I (F) am the eldest of two siblings. My brother lives out of state and comes home frequently to visit. I used to live out of state, but moved back to the area a year ago and have been living in an apartment for the last year.
When staying with our parents for holidays (etc.), the expectation has always been I’d be okay with the couch or staying with my aunt when my brother comes to town.
I recently moved back in with my parents because I am saving for a house and had some health issues get in the way of me doing my job.
I was planning on spending the weekend at my aunt’s when my brother came to town next weekend, but two days ago my parents stated they wanted to charge me rent while living with them. They are only charging me $250, which is honestly very low, but my mindset has changed about vacating for the weekend if I’m paying rent.
I recently explained to my dad that I changed my mind about spending the night at my aunt’s. If I’m paying rent, I am paying for the room. He is not happy I am bringing this up about a week before my brother comes to town, but they did not mention charging me rent until two days ago.
He thinks I should just go to my aunt’s and am being difficult. I got frustrated and said. ‘If I’m paying rent, then I’m paying for the room. I’m not leaving.’ My father said I was being selfish and should think about my brother.
AITJ?
UPDATE: My parents refused to talk about the issue the first night. They said ‘their way or the highway.’ I had the courage to stand my ground. A few days later after I told my parents I was indeed looking for another apartment because I wasn’t going to stand for favoritism or changing rules whenever it suited them, I got the room and had my parents sign a rental agreement.
My brother was a bit immature once he found out and uninvited my partner and I to his friend’s party the weekend he was coming home. I called him out on it and told him he was being immature. After explaining the situation and a little back in forth, the air was cleared and we had a good weekend as a family.
For your information, my brother is super tall. He is 6’4,” so that partially explains the couch thing, but my couch and furniture were used to furnish the newly finished basement (looks like a loft apartment downstairs) and it is 8ft long, so no excuse this time around.
I have a newfound confidence. Learned an important lesson as well. Even if your family loves you, it doesn’t me they aren’t capable of hurting you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe see a therapist or join a feminist group to unpack the internalized misogyny. And also seriously confront if your brother is possibly a bad person and your aunt would be uncomfortable with him around – because he’s untrustworthy.
Seriously there isn’t a weird ‘adults can’t mix with the opposite gender’ because within healthy families you trust no one would harm you. And while some people may feel a bit happier in same-gender arrangements – a woman shouldn’t feel uncomfortable having her nephew over.
If she does that is a red flag that your brother has done something to make her uncomfortable.
Or it’s just misogyny.” littlebitfunny21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, If you pay for the room it’s yours. Brother can take a couch. I am just wondering if you are the one that always stays with aunt and if you’re comfortable with her.
If she has a room can you ask her if it is possible to live with her? You can even tell you pay her the 250. If you would like it and Aunt is okay that would be a slap in your parents’ faces. You can tell them since they wanted to charge you which you agree with but can’t accommodate you based on what your paying for.
But will always accommodate your brother who doesn’t pay. Your money should go to someone that is willing to accommodate you. Sorry parents no dough for you.” Safe_Potato_7000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you’re paying for it, it’s yours.
Due to the notice, maybe request they give you a discount on this month’s rent in exchange for you going to your aunt’s, with the understanding that, from now on, your brother will need to sleep on the couch or an air mattress.
But if you don’t want to, you would also be 100% in the right to say nope, it’s your room, and they need to figure out different arrangements to accommodate their guest.
If necessary, go around them and tell your brother directly about the new arrangements and that he will be on the couch.
Maybe he and your parents could share the expense on a pull-out couch, cot, really nice air bed, or some sort of transforming into a bed furniture so his visits remain comfortable.” millac7
You refusal was simply spiteful because your parents asked you to cover the cost to live there... true rent for that room would be twice that!! And for changing the plans last minute, you are wholeheartedly the jerk.
