People Want Us To Cross-Examine Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Extending My Overseas Work Trip A Week Prior To My Pregnant Wife's Due Date?
“My (40M) wife’s (38F) official due date for our daughter is September 19, and this will be our first baby.
I work as an external auditor, and my job involves international travel. I had a nontraditional education path so compared to my similarly junior coworkers, I am quite a bit older and don’t have the accolades and connections they may have.
The perks of the job and the fact I work for a corporation many people interview at every year makes it easy for bosses to think they come first in your life and that we are under-skilled and overpaid.
Therefore, I really want to show that I am a dependable worker and that if they are going to start “cutting the fat” so to speak, I will not be the one they are laying off.
While the job comes with a lot of perks, most of them are things we can only enjoy while working, like business class seats and nice free dinners when we travel or work after a certain time.
The salary itself makes it so that my wife still has to work at least part-time if we want to raise a family in NYC, have savings, and still stay afloat. My wife currently is not working and I feel like we are just one monthly paycheck away from not being able to pay our mortgage.
And while she has basically accepted that her job field is hostile towards mothers and that she’ll be content with staying at the junior level she is at, I feel like I need to climb the corporate ladder ( which I am still about two rungs from the bottom) and prove myself to be indispensable.
Work has had me in Europe for the past two weeks. One of my superiors with me is also my mentor who I really admire. I was supposed to fly home on Monday because they allowed me the next week and a half off.
But he called me today and told me they really needed my help for something else for the next five business days. Days run late so my earliest flight out would be a sometime next Saturday afternoon.
He said he’d be forever in my debt for this and that he’d fight for this to be reflected in my annual bonus. I sensed that he really would be really grateful and I’ve always been striving to earn his admiration, so after some thought, I agreed.
Now came the hard part and I called my wife to tell her. She was absolutely furious and cried over the phone saying she was already mad that this supposed family-friendly firm sent me on this business trip but to extend it was insane.
I told her that we’d be putting the extra bonus in a college account and she could be happy to see it grow, but she refused to hear my reasoning. I told her I’d try to tell my mentor else had to close up the project and that I had to get a flight on Friday, but she started yelling that she could literally give birth tomorrow and called me a Neanderthal for not understanding.
I told her it was for my career and our future. AITJ? I feel like if I don’t impress my higher-ups somebody else will do so before I even walk onto a plane home.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you’re paranoid about living paycheck to paycheck for the love of Pete, move out of the city.
I guarantee if you stay in Europe, this will be number one on your wife’s list of reasons when she eventually files for divorce.
And 18 years down the road, you’re gonna be wondering why that kid doesn’t want anything to do with you.
You work to live. Not the other way around. You need to go home.
And given that they were willing to send you to the other side of the planet knowing you were about to become a dad? You need to start looking for a different job.” ThreeDogs2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Coming from a healthcare provider that cares for newborn babies and goes to countless deliveries a day… unexpected things happen. You could very easily miss the birth of your child, but there are also risks for mom and baby during delivery.
Unfortunately, emergency C-sections happen. Hemorrhages happen. Sepsis happens. Babies are born sick and have to be rushed to the NICU away from mom. And risks that are worse that I don’t even want to mention.
You are failing your wife and your child by agreeing to extend your trip. How would your wife feel if she has complications and delivers with you unavailable and in another country? Finances can’t buy back the love and support you owe your wife during a normal labor and delivery, and it certainly can’t buy back time if things don’t go well.” aesras628
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Hi! Former external auditor who changed careers in my 20s and also was older than the other CPAs in my prestigious firm.
The firm doesn’t care about you.
You are absolutely replaceable. There are hundreds of brand new baby CPAs who can tick boxes and SALY just as obediently as you can, who don’t have spouses and kids to think about.
And when they do, they will be in the exact same position as you.
This isn’t just a big 4 problem. We finished my public career at a regional firm that was “family-friendly” and once our audit director retired, the new director thought we should work just as hard as a big 4 while not making anywhere close to the salary of a big 4.
I have a great career. I lost my job a few years ago and got a new one immediately. I can go back to public tomorrow if I needed to keep food on the table and my family fed. A place I worked went bankrupt and within a month I had a new job with a higher salary.
These are the perks of putting in your time in public accounting.
But the toll it takes on your family? I almost lost my husband after a year and a half of a never-ending busy “season”.
And as soon as I started scaling back to 50-55 hours at the job I had been a perfect employee at for 10 years, I was suddenly off the management track. And my story is not unique.
Sure, you think of it as providing for your family. That’s fine. But what happens when working so hard to prove yourself to people who will not ever think of you as anything more than a tool for their own profits causes you to lose your family?
What will you tell yourself then?
I personally wouldn’t be able to get over this. You shouldn’t have been on the trip to begin with. They don’t care about you.
The sooner you figure that out, the better you will be.” Jade_Echo
15. AITJ For Disliking My Mom's Partner?
“When I (15f) first met my mom’s partner a few months ago, I already got weird vibes from him. He would say stuff like “I’m just so smart from my past lives,” “God speaks through me,” and just kinda stuff like that.
I’m not one to judge but I was uncomfortable. After a few times of my mom forcing me to hang out with we went to a water park. He kept kissing my mom in front of me but then would stare at me as he did it.
I have talked to my mom about it but she keeps twisting and says, “Just give him a chance. You never let me be happy.”
But a few days ago we all went to a concert, he has his hand on my mom’s thigh, so I jokingly took his hand off and said “keep your hands to yourself,” and he then proceeded to go across my mom and try to grab my thigh.
I stood up and was taken aback then proceeded to tell him to stop. I sat back down and he tried it again so I got up from my seat again, my mom then finally told him to cut it out after she saw I was about to yell and make a scene.
I was so shaken up when I got home that I asked my cousin to come get me, I told her exactly what happened, she got me and I slept over at her place.
The next day when she was dropping me off back at my mom’s we stopped at my dad’s, he was not happy about this obviously but sadly he can’t get involved because my mom would try stuff.
So after we left his house we called my mom dad, my grandpa. My cousin and I told him exactly what happened and how he tried to grab my thigh. He was not happy.
My cousin then dropped me off and left. Then my grandpa called my mom, and she went outside. I’m not exactly sure what was said but when she got back inside she then proceeded to yell at me.
Again, I can’t explain exactly what was said because it was just happening so fast, but she said that I was lying about the situation and that isn’t what he was trying to do.
He apparently was trying to grab my phone, but I call bull on that. She apparently thought I made this all up to try to get him out of her life. She then proceeded to continue to yell at me about how HE has to walk on eggshells around me and how HE feels uncomfortable and how I hurt HIS feelings.
She chose him over me. I then go to my room and cry for about a good hour then I call my grandpa sobbing to come to get me because my own mother, who claims to “love me” chose her man over me, he told me to make sure it was ok.
I then go outside to where she is, and she’s on the phone with her man, who is talking about “how disappointing I am” and “how angry he is at me,” and my mom was agreeing with him.
After she saw me she freaked out and told him to hang on a minute, I ask her if I could go to my grandparents’ house and she says yes. After I pack my stuff to go she comes into my room, saying she’s trying to connect the dots and trying to make me feel bad.
To put it simply she again, makes me feel bad and chooses her man over me.
And now I am in the guest room of my grandparents’ home writing this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, despite your mom’s attempts to try and make you such. This is called “gaslighting.”
Your mom’s man is putting off some David Koresh vibes. The whole “past lives” and “God speaks through me” stuff is weird, but when you add in him staring at you while kissing your mom and him reaching across her to try and put his hand on your thigh…major red flags.
You need adult help here, and you aren’t going to get it from your mom. She is, indeed, putting keeping him happy over your safety, as evidenced by her trying to gaslight you (he wasn’t touching your thigh, he was reaching for your phone).
Your dad and grandparents know, but if they don’t do anything about it, you need to go the route of someone who isn’t going to say anything in order to not set your mom off.
If you’re in school, bring this up to your guidance counselor. If it’s serious enough that they have to get CPS involved, then go that route. Document EVERY incident where your mom’s partner acts weird, including dates and times.
If you can record him being inappropriate without him noticing, do so. Whatever you can to convince the authorities that living with your mom is not safe for you as long as this guy is in her life.” TarantulaPets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This adult man should not be touching you ever. Not for any reason. This is very concerning as a mother myself. These are a lot of red flags and for your own safety please stay with your grandparents until she wisens up.” Local-Sound-6294
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That god speaks through me bit is a giant enough red flag without everything else. 100% guarantee this guy is an entitled, delusional jerk. At a minimum.” Reddit user
14. AITJ For Canceling My Credit Card After My Partner Refused To Give It Back To Me?
“I’ll preface by saying that me (27) and my partner (30) have been together for 3 years and a half. I’ve been jumping from one job to another while he has been unemployed due to health issues that affected his performance at work.
Usually, I’m the one handling rent, bills, groceries, etc. I use my credit card to make any purchase I want.
Last week, my partner out of nowhere asked for my credit card. I asked why since I’m the one who handles payments and supermarket trips.
He told me he wanted to buy some food, and I agreed to let him take it but told him to return it later.
He got back later and when I asked about my credit card, he was like “what credit card?” I thought he was joking so I told him to just give it back.
He said he’d just keep it with him. I asked why and he said so he could start handling paying for stuff on my behalf. I felt uncomfortable I said I’d rather not burden him with this stuff and asked him to hand over the credit card.
He refused and said that “he’ll just keep it” since it doesn’t have that much on it anyway. I was livid. I tried to argue but he told me to “just trust him” and let him keep it and swore he won’t spend a penny from it.
The next morning I went and canceled it, then registered a new one. He must’ve tried to use it because he called and was confused asking why the credit card was not valid anymore.
I told him it was because I canceled it and registered a new one. He lost it and started scolding me saying he couldn’t believe I had this level of petty and kept on about how I don’t trust him with my finances and how financially overpowering I have become lately.
I hung up on him.
The argument continued at home and he called me paranoid and unreasonable and all that. Then he started cold-shouldering me and sulking about it for days. I do feel like I hurt his feelings and showed an amount of distrust toward him.
AITJ for canceling the credit card?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I really hope you evaluate your relationship. This is definitely grounds for separation. He’s gaslighting you by claiming you’re financially abusing him.
He is using you and then throwing a fit when you cut off his resources since apparently he’s a lazy bum who is draining you!” dontwannadoittoday
Another User Comments:
“Assume for a second you were actually financially mistreating him.
Clearly, the most honorable thing to do would be to let him be free from his misetreatment, and you should do him and yourself both a favor by breaking it off, rather than waiting for him to work up the nerve to do so.
Or, in reality land, you have been carrying him for years while he refuses to do anything; he won’t work because it’s too humiliating to ask people for work who might be rude or condescending, and he won’t apply for disability because he’s too good for that.
He’s tried nothing and he’s all out of ideas, except freeloading off of you. Oh, and getting up to some shenanigans by stealing your credit card. You lent it to him and he refused to return it, which means it’s theft. Clearly, the wisest thing to do would be to do yourself a favor and free yourself from this leech.
Also, of course, you showed distrust! He was being untrustworthy! I’m a responsible adult with a great relationship with my mother, but if I borrowed her credit card then refused to return it claiming it was so I could “start handling stuff” for her, you bet your butt she’d show distrust. Especially when he swore he wouldn’t even use it (then why have it?) and then TRIED TO USE IT AND GOT MAD IT DIDN’T WORK.
His stories are all over the place, how could you possibly trust him on this when he has necessarily been lying to you at least some of the time?
You’re totally NTA, but even if you were, breaking it off would be a good solution to the problem.
Save yourself before he gets more devious and drags you down with him.” AcceptableLoquat
Another User Comments:
“The fact that you started this off by saying “I’ll preface by saying that me (27) and my partner (30) have been together for 3 years and a half.”
DO NOT fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You know what you need to do – end this relationship. He brings NOTHING to the table and is using you. I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years – it’s time to cut your losses (financial and otherwise) and move on.
Don’t feel like because you’ve got 3.5 years in with this loser that you have to somehow try and make it work. You’re much better off on your own for a variety of reasons.” nothinglefttouse
13. AITJ For Choosing My Pets Over My Partner's Comfort?
“So I (39M) have been with Abby (37F) for a few months now and we recently had a bit of an argument about my pets.
I have four dogs (a Staffy, a Dogo Argentino, an American Bulldog-ish mutt, and a Rottweiler) and three cats (tortie and two dilute calicos), and most of them are huge snuggle bugs, to the point where I have a king size mattress to accommodate them.
My Dogo and Staffy, especially, can be described as aggressive cuddlers, and one of the calicos sleeps by my head; on an average night, four or five of them are in the bed (not the Rottweiler, she’s still housetraining).
Abby is getting increasingly frustrated with them because she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough sleep, or the dogs are making it difficult for her to get comfortable, or one of the cats will wake her up by making biscuits on or next to her.
I understand she’s got every right to be upset about it, but she’s asked me not to let the dogs in the bed at night, and I’m having a hard time saying yes.
They’ve been with me for years and this has always been the arrangement, plus, well, I absolutely love them all, and waking up to them is pretty wonderful. Waking up next to Abby is, as well, and even if she and I fall asleep together, my Dogo loves the middle of the bed and will usually work her way between us at some point.
I do have a couple of gates up, so I could keep them in the front room (I live in a shotgun house so there are no doors apart from the bathrooms), but a) my Staffy spite pees when she’s not sleeping either in or next to the bed, and b) I like having them here.
I usually can’t spend the night at Abby’s place because the dogs need to go out in the morning, my mutt is blind and deaf and gets really sad when I’m not home for long periods (my neighbor mentions he whines a lot during the night if I’m not there), and my Rottweiler is still learning how to interact with cats plus crate training (she’s four months) so I don’t want to leave her alone either.
Abby is starting to get upset about the situation and is saying I’m choosing the animals over her, and think their comfort is more important to me than hers. I know she shouldn’t have to put up with a situation she doesn’t want to just to be with me, but I do really like her and genuinely can’t decide what’s right or wrong here.
I know it’s not the most drastic of situations on this sub.
So AITJ for letting my pets take over my bed?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go soft YTJ. I mean if they’re really preventing her from sleeping every night that’s really not fair.
Eventually, the crap will hit the fan and she will refuse to stay over with you & I can’t blame her. I love animals but 4 animals in the bed at once plus 2 adults is way too much.
My one child alone can wake me up, can’t imagine 4 freaking animals.
How far do you see this relationship going? If you guys work well together, get married, and decide to have kids, what then.
What if Abby wants to co-sleep with the baby? Allowing your pets on the bed then is extremely dangerous. You will have to train them to stay off the bed eventually, if not with Abby, then with the next woman.
Might as well start now because not many people would put up with this.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ – I have pets and love have them sleeping in my bed with me.
So I know how much you enjoy that. But I also understand that not everyone is a fan of that and the bed full with this many pets is costing her a good night rest which kind of is really important.
I think in relationships it’s normal and healthy to make some compromises and I think that her request to not have all the pets in the bed is a reasonable one.
I have a hard boundary that whoever I’m with has to treat my pets well and should never ever ask me to get rid of my pets.
But I also think that a good night sleep is really important and understand it if a partner prefers to keep the pets out of the bedroom at night.” OkPhilosopher1313
Another User Comments:
“I’m between NTJ and YTJ, I’m going with YTJ because part of being in a relationship is caring about another persons needs (especially their health) and making reasonable compromises. What you’re describing is putting your wants, and your animals wants, ahead of your partner’s NEEDS.
Abby NEEDS to have a decent nights sleep. If that need isn’t met it will impact her mental and physical health. Something that negatively impacts health is NOT an ok thing to ask of a partner.
The VAST majority of people would not consider it ok to share a bed with that many animals and it would impact on pretty much everyone’s sleep quality (including yours, even if you don’t know it).
I love my cat, but I realized she was having a serious impact on my health because my sleep was so disturbed with her in the bed. She’s now banned from my room at night.
She got used to it in about two weeks. She’s fine. When I stay at my friends’ houses, their dogs- who usually share their beds- are relegated to the floor or another room so I can share the bed and get a proper sleep.
My friends never even asked me about this, they just did it automatically. The dogs are fine. They might WANT to be in bed with their owners, but they don’t NEED it in the same way humans need a good night’s sleep.
Maybe you two just aren’t compatible because of this, and that is ok. However, it is not ok to remain in a relationship as you currently are and impact Abby as you are.” Jaffacake91
12. AITJ For Siding With My Daughter For Not Wanting Her Mother To Meet Her Partner?
“So I have a 16-year-old daughter Harley My wife is extremely, extremely religious and is very against anything other than what is written in the Bible.
I’m still religious, but once Harley arrived, It got me thinking that what if my daughter does something that doesn’t fit into my beliefs?
My wife however is the exact opposite of me.
Now the conflict, about a year ago my daughter said that she likes girls l, she told me first and then we sat my wife down and told her the news.
She was not happy with it,my wife didn’t say anything to her and just looked disappointed.
I was upset at this. As long as her partners aren’t hurting her in any way, it’s not our place to shame her for that.
I told my wife that she cannot try to tear our daughter down because she doesn’t agree, and she is going to have to make a sacrifice for the sake of our daughter and her well-being and to please make her feel supported
Turns out my wife was going to my daughter, and showing her all of these different romance apps of only men, trying to set her up with guys, “recommending” her to date one of her friend’s sons, and forced her to go out with him.
She ended up telling my daughter that she was not normal from this and she needs to go to confession because this is a phase.
This went on for months and I had no idea, she would stop when I was around, but my daughter ended up breaking down when I asked her what was going on and told me everything.
To say I was angry would be an understatement, I am furious at my wife, Honestly what she did was so outdated and cruel, to the point that I was not sleeping with her and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom for a while, I couldn’t even look at her.
We went to marriage counseling after this, and my wife hasn’t changed much, she still lets these comments slip, but bites her tongue more I guess.
My daughter got a girl, and she wanted me to meet her.
She sat down with both of us and said that she only wanted me to go and that she didn’t trust my wife enough not to make a comment at this.
As I was getting ready, my wife was mad about this, saying that she couldn’t believe she could exclude her from this.
I said she shouldn’t be, she’s made our daughter feel this way, and the only way to fix it is to get over her ridiculous homophobia. I told her that she’s letting her religion get in the way of the love for her daughter and in a few more years she’ll be asking why she doesn’t talk to her anymore.
I said until she can show our daughter how much we love and support her, she won’t interfere with this, this is a step forward for our daughter, and she doesn’t get to stomp on that.
My wife started crying and stopped speaking to me, she told our therapist this, and he thinks I was wrong because this is what she grew up on, but I think that’s just an excuse for homophobia.
My family is also saying I’m a jerk, so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife only wants to live by what’s in the Bible, huh? Well, the second she spoke against what you wished she was already going against what the Bible tells women to do, which is be subservient to their husbands and their wishes.
It’s curious how she only is willing to listen to what the Bible says when it comes to what she wants in the situation. I don’t know that I would recommend pointing out this fact to her, because our society very obviously doesn’t treat every word of the Bible as true in that regard and it would be pretty petty, but she seems to be completely unwilling to listen to reason or even make an attempt to do the actual most important thing the Bible is supposed to teach Christians: To love those around you who are different from you regardless of whether that difference is not one of the tenets of the religion itself.
Going by the very words written in her religious book, she will not be looked at fondly by her deity for the way she’s treating your daughter. A reminder on this one might actually be helpful, but it could backfire and make her angrier.” FireflyExotica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The well-being of your daughter is more important than anything else and your wife needs to realize that she cannot mold her daughter into whatever she pleases, and needs to give her some freedom at such an emotional time in her life.
Your daughter is in possibly the most confusing time of her life and she doesn’t need parents arguing over her on top of that, or it’ll simply build up more guilt within her, so in my opinion, you should: talk to your wife amicably and both lay out your concerns, if you need an intermediary to stop escalation then make sure someone neutral is present; talk with your daughter to reassure her that she will always be supported in her decisions, even if her mother is less accepting of some, and finally, make sure she knows her girl is welcome at any point, if she wants to come over, and tell your wife sternly but not aggressively that she won’t interfere with them.” HistoricalMark4805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a great dad for loving and accepting your daughter, and your wife and the couple’s therapist are both homophobic.
I’m a therapist who primarily works with LGBTQ teens & young adults, and people with attitudes like your wife are the reason why so many LGBTQ young people end up attempting s*****e.
I’m very glad your daughter has you on her side, but every day she’s exposed to your wife trying to force her to be straight is seriously damaging your daughter’s current and future mental and emotional well-being.
Your couple’s therapist is pretty unqualified if they don’t have a basic understanding of how damaging it can be for an LGBTQ young person to have a homophobic parent. I’m also not sure how your wife was able to stop talking to you but still talk to your therapist. I’m not a couples therapist, but I took some classes in grad school about it.
In my grad school classes on couples therapy, they taught us that couples therapy should be balanced and boundaries need to be carefully maintained so that the therapist isn’t ever talking to one person in the couple more than the other.
In many models of couple therapy, you’re not even supposed to meet with the therapist unless both people in the couple are present. If a single person in a couple shows up, I was taught to cancel the session or wait until both people in the couple are present.
If the therapist hears one person’s side more than the other, then it’s too easy for the therapist to take one side instead of helping solve relationship issues fairly.
I think you need to find a new couples therapist who knows more about boundaries and who isn’t homophobic if the therapy is going to be helpful at all.
You also need to continue protecting your daughter from your wife’s homophobia and do your best to make sure your daughter spends her days surrounded by love and acceptance.” leaf_scorpionfish
11. AITJ For Refusing To Let Christmas Into Our Home, Even Though My Partner Loves It?
“My (24F) partner (24NB) and I are looking to move in together, and when we met back in 2021, I made it clear that my faith is very important to me and that one of the few true dealbreakers in a relationship would be someone who couldn’t support that.
I don’t ask my partner to come to Shabbos services with me, and would never expect (or want) them to convert, but it shapes a lot about me.
I feel that I’ve already compromised quite a bit– despite my meat allergy (long story, weird enzyme deficiency) and desire to have a kosher kitchen, I am okay with them having meat in the house so long as it isn’t a pork product, which they are completely on board with.
Last year, we celebrated what I like to call “Jewish December 25th” by going to the movies, playing board games with friends, and just relaxing in the same space. No tree, no twinkly lights, no gifts– it was wonderful.
However, as we look towards moving in together, they’ve talked about us celebrating Xmas together. I know they like the holiday and enjoy watching movies or celebrating with their family. But I thought I had made it clear that a future with me was a future without Santa Claus.
I know there are lots of Jewish people who don’t mind celebrating or even enjoying it! I’m just not one of them. They insist that it isn’t a religious holiday for them (they’re agnostic), but it is a religious holiday, whether they like it or not.
I feel that I’m already lambasted by that darn music/holiday/reminder that this culture doesn’t care for or consider me 24/7 from November onwards. The last place I want to deal with that is in my home!
Additionally, I know that the pressure will fall to me to decorate/prepare. Last year, when they lived alone, they didn’t put up any decorations or host events, but now they’re talking about how nice it is to have a tree, etc. Of the two of us, I’m the one who would do any holiday-related activities or prep.
It would be one thing if they wanted to set up a small, unobtrusive tree in the living room or office space, but they want the full experience. It doesn’t feel fair for me to have to dedicate so much time and finances to a holiday that I actively don’t want to celebrate!
On top of all this, gift-giving is a love language for me, and I strive to give meaningful gifts that relate deeply to who someone is as a person– last year, I got them a signed 1st edition copy of their favorite book, and they got me a FunkoPop.
I know it’s a petty thing, but I don’t want to put forth all that time and effort only to get something that I don’t want.
And finally; my family did celebrate when I was a kid until my father passed away (EDIT for clarity: 15 years ago.
I have spent the bulk of my life not celebrating, and we only ever celebrated for him) less than a month after his last Xmas, and since then the holiday has never felt fun.
I’m happier not celebrating and don’t see why I should need to when the rest of the world will be celebrating with my partner.
Am I the jerk for not wanting Xmas to be in our home, even though my partner loves it?”
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go against the grain here and say NTJ.
A lot of people in the comments are saying that Christmas is a “secular” holiday when that’s just not true. Whether you like it or not, most western countries are culturally Christian.
It is the dominant religion and has a big influence on the culture. There is a reason that Christian holidays like Christmas and Easter are automatic days off school, but Jewish/Muslim holidays aren’t.
Growing up in one of these western countries means that unless you were raised in a different faith, even if you’re atheist or non-religious, you’re still culturally Christian. The majority of Muslim countries wouldn’t consider Christmas to be secular, and honestly, the people in the comments viewing it as such is a very eurocentric way of thinking.
You are under no obligation to celebrate an inherently Christian holiday. You clearly are willing to compromise since you wanted a kosher kitchen but haven’t due to your partner not wanting one. You were very upfront about this from the start and now your partner is pushing the issue by saying they want you to celebrate Christmas “together.” They can celebrate Christmas if they want but you are not the jerk for not wanting to celebrate.” zuzuzan
Another User Comments:
“NTA here, but you two need to really discuss this. I understand your position as I share it completely.
I never planned to date/marry someone not Jewish, and wouldn’t you know people plan G-d laughs.
After 2 months of being completely smitten with each other, I explained to him my own personal issues and why I can’t have Xmas in my home (or any other Christian holiday), and it led to a giant fight and breakup, immediately followed by his decision to give up Xmas and marry me.
We’ve talked it out to death, we compromised that we can always do the holidays with his family, but I need to not be a minority in my own home. He was bitter until that year when we had to go to 7 stores to get Hannukah wrapping paper (in a very Jewy metropolitan area, mind you), and he started to realize how frustrating it is to actually be a hyperminority in the US.
He completely understands where I’m coming from now and he completely supports us having a 100% Jewish home and family. 7 years later we’re happy as ever.
This is where you could’ve managed things better-you had a giant dealbreaker and didn’t deal with it head-on from the beginning.
And now you’re deeply in love with someone and you’re going to have to make choices. You’re going to have to make them and accept the consequences in either direction.
I wish you the best, though. And I’m sorry for what I can only imagine are horrible responses downthread of people not understanding how difficult it is to be a non-Christian in our Christian society where religion, especially Xmas, is shoved down our throats.
Realizing that made a huge difference with my partner, maybe some of those conversations will help you both also. Oh, and definitely check out 18Doors, an interfaith org that often has couples events where you can actually discuss this kind of stuff with other couples and work through these issues together.
I bet that would be a huge help!” Flippinsushi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Not wanting to celebrate and preventing someone else from celebrating are two different things.
You’re assuming the burden of prep would be on you when you’ve never had the conversation.
You know what assuming does. So that’s a simple solution “Hey you can celebrate but I don’t participate in any of the prep, maybe I’ll eat Xmas cookies if they’re kosher”
It sounds more like you have other influences on your opinion of Christmas, which is fine, but it doesn’t sound like you’re communicating those as well as you think.” Arizona_ice_me
We do light Christmas here. No decorations (aside from Christmas lights which can be appropriated for any purpose. They're sparkly and fun and I buy them after Christmas when they are on sale) and we do get gifts for each other, but they're simple. We meet to have dinner. We go home and go to bed.
10. WIBTJ For Refusing To De-Baptize My Aunt?
“My parents believe in the freedom of choosing one’s own religion. My mother was raised catholic, while my father believes in a god without participating in any church. I (14) honestly do not care too much about the topic, to the dismay of my aunt.
During my childhood, she constantly tried to pressure my mother into getting me baptized. Whenever I visited them, she would try to push Christianity on me (she would read the bible to me and take me to her church – among other things).
This made me very uncomfortable to the point where I did not want to visit anymore.
I recently developed an interest in herbs and plants. This somehow convinced her, that I practice witchery.
Now she constantly switches between trying to “save” me and making a point of avoiding me. Most of the family thinks her silly – but like always, when she is acting crazy, everyone just accepts it.
Since I did not budge, she focused on my brother (5).
He is friends with my cousin (6) and therefore spends a lot of time at their house. On his latest visit, my aunt decided to make an appointment with a priest, forge my mother’s signature, and get my brother baptized.
After my brother told my mother about the incident (which my aunt told him not to do), she confronted my aunt on her next visit. My aunt proudly confessed to having “saved” my brother and a screaming match ensued. As I already mentioned, my parents strongly believe, that everyone should be able to choose their own beliefs and not join a church until one is old enough to make an informed decision.
To summarize my aunt’s words: she could not believe that our mother was wilfully condemning us to heck and that it was no wonder I had become a satanic witch. She HAD TO act because my mother obviously couldn’t be brought to her senses and someone had to save the boy.
In a moment of anger, I went to my room to get one of my pots (I have one pot in the shape of a skull) and filled it with water. While they were still screaming at each other, I poured the water over her.
Then I declared her to be now baptized a witch and the lawful wife of Satan. I will be honest, I enjoyed the expressions of shock and then panic on her face. She told me to undo what I did.
I refused.
Once she realized, she could not convince me, she stormed out of the house. Now, she told the whole family about it and my grandparents and other relatives have been bombarding my mother with hateful messages.
My mother says she understands why I did what I did, but that I need to “undo” it to keep the peace. I am supposed to make a show of “de-baptizing” her and declaring her Christian again.
I am just tired of everybody constantly talking about religions and fed up with my aunt and everybody’s endurance of her. If she can just go around and baptize my brother, why can’t I do the same to her?
AITJ if I do not comply with my parent’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but does your aunt really think you hold the keys of the Kingdom of the Church of Christ with your fancy pot and some tap water and some hokey phrases you pulled out of your….
sock drawer?
If you don’t participate in a belief system, I firmly believe the rites of that belief system don’t apply to you. I’m strongly being tempted by the forces of evil to recommend you tell your aunt you don’t have the power to reverse what you said.
She needs an exorcist, but not just anyone who says they’re an exorcist, she needs one approved by the Holy See. The process of getting approval to have that rite performed by an authorized practitioner with approval from higher up in the Church should keep her minding her own business for quite some time.
But that would not be Christian so I won’t. I apologize. Don’t yank her chain. Instead, just quietly tell your aunt you were very annoyed at her interference with your family and you made it all up.
Ignore the squawking afterward in case she suddenly realizes what a fool she’s making of herself. And have her talk to her pastor about what does and does not have power over her as a Christian, just in case she, IDK, wants to rejoin reality for a while.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“ESH, though your aunt more than you. You were proving a point that I think is valid, that baptism can’t have any meaningful significance unless the one being baptized commits to that worldview.
But both you and your aunt ignored consent. I have no issue with people sharing their faith practices with consent. “Wanna go to church with me? Yes? Great! No? That’s ok, too. It’s completely your decision.
Let’s meet up another day and do something else together.” Baptism or converting to another religion certainly requires consent. Well, I have to admit my MIL baptized her dog without the dog’s consent.
The dog has no idea it is Catholic but it’s going to heaven.” kidwrangl3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First off, you are the funniest person ever.
Second, your aunt sucks. Horribly. What she did, forcing her religion on others, tricking the church into baptizing a child that is not her own and the parents did not consent to having baptized, those things go AGAINST her religion.
She does not practice what she preaches at all. Report her to her church for the brother incident, that is a huge issue that needs to be addressed.
Third, there’s nothing even to really “undo”, you didn’t do anything.
Baptism isn’t something that can just be taken away, and she thinks it an, she again is ignorant on her own religion. Plus it was super funny.
And fourth, you shouldn’t have to try and appease any family members who treat people the way your aunt does, or think that treatment is fine.
Don’t apologize or take it back. Stand your ground.” adge_the_mage
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife For Badly Injuring Herself While Saving A Cat From A Tree?
“Our cat got out and we discovered him sitting on a tree.
It was high but close enough to the roof that I (28m) figured he must’ve jumped over from the roof and he could jump back. He was meowing loudly, I don’t know why, but my wife (26f) thought it was a cry for help and decided to climb up to get him down.
I told her he was fine and would come back down on his own, and if he didn’t, we could think of something else like getting a mattress to break his fall but she didn’t listen to me and tried to climb it.
I told her to at least wait till I can borrow a ladder from a neighbor since we didn’t have one but she said if we waited too long he’d jump and hurt himself (he was being very loud at that stage).
I said he’s just being dramatic and if he’s not, let’s just think of something else because the tree was very high for a human. She tried to climb up from the ground but it didn’t work so she went inside and climbed up on the roof from a window and then climb from there to the tree.
The whole time I was yelling at her what a stupid idea that was because there was no way she’d catch her footing and there was a serious chance the branch he was on wouldn’t be able to support her weight but she didn’t listen to me and fell down when she tried to steady herself on the branch.
She had a major cervical fracture, head injury, other broken bones, and came -this- close to breaking her neck. She had to get two surgeries and it was extremely anxiety-inducing. Two weeks later, she is still in the hospital but on the mend.
She started joking about the fall and joked that it was probably because of our black cat’s bad luck. At that point, the anger over her recklessness that I hadn’t felt because I’d been so worried came to the surface and I told her it was entirely her own fault.
She got defensive and said she couldn’t have predicted it at which point I yelled that I predicted it and told her exactly what would happen five times before she went ahead and did it.
And the cat got down on his own before the ambulance got there anyway, just like I said. Then she started crying and I started crying and she said I was being horrible but I said I can’t just not point out how wrong she was for making a very reckless choice that nearly killed her, gave her very painful and possibly long-term injuries, and made me and her parents think for hours that her life was on the line.
I got back and her parents called me to tell me what a jerk I was and that she told them to tell me not to come back to the hospital unless I apologize and never bring it up again but I need to talk this through with her and can’t just let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. So in all the time, you spent yelling at her not to climb the tree, you couldn’t have gone and grabbed a mattress yourself, or called the non-emergency number to see if they could send a fire truck, or at least quit dismissed her concern and treated the situation with the same seriousness and urgency she was convinced it warranted?
At the very least, has that experience not taught you that yelling doesn’t actually fix or improve anything?
If you still need to talk it through with her, talk it through. Focus on the part where you were scared for her, and are concerned about where things go from here, or whether she’s ever going to do something like that again.
And if you can’t get anywhere with that on your own, get a counselor involved.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I also did something stupid that my husband had asked me not to do…roller skating.
I was a fabulous roller skater back in the 80s and was sure all I had to do was put some skates on and I’d be fine. My daughter was with me and knew how he felt.
15 minutes later I’m on the ground with a bone sticking out of my leg. My daughter called 911 while I cried and asked her what I’m gonna tell dad. I called him and told him I broke my leg and all he said was “oh honey” in the most disappointing voice I’ve ever heard from him.
I kept apologizing for being stupid and he just kept telling me to stop.
I had emergency surgery to fix 4 breaks and it’s been 12 weeks and I’m down to an ankle brace and cane.
Since it’s my right leg he’s had to adjust his work schedule to drive me everywhere, he took over all cooking and cleaning, he had to shower me and dress me, and NOT ONCE did he say I told you so and he never yelled at me.
I’m the one who tells everybody how stupid I was for not listening to him and how amazing he has been.
The wife is a jerk for not admitting she caused this herself but yelling at her doesn’t fix anything.
I’m pretty sure she knows she messed up and she’s the one who is suffering and will be for a very very long time.” justmyusername2820
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People on this subreddit are absolutely insane sometimes.
Yes, yelling should be avoided, but let’s walk through this situation. OP suggests getting a ladder, but his wife refuses and decides to climb the tree to save the cat. At this point, he’s yelling at her to stop.
What exactly would you like OP to do here? You all are accusing him of having a “dismissive attitude” when he’s literally yelling at his wife not to risk her life over a cat.
He already gave her a possible solution but she’s made it clear she isn’t going to wait and is prepared to risk her life right away. Blaming OP for yelling here is absolutely insane.
Then it’s two weeks later at the hospital. His wife almost died, could’ve been paralyzed, and was severely injured. Yeah, he shouldn’t have yelled at her at the hospital. But something honest needed to be said and she refused to take any blame.
OP is NTJ here, he reacted like a human, not a robot that some of these threads suggest spouses should be. People yell when they’re angry or afraid, it’s a fact of life.” spencerryan02
Another User Comments:
“ESH, especially you dude. Wow, yelling at an injured person in the hospital. I’m angry reading this story because it seems like the cat is an indoor cat because “he got out,” which means he would have probably hurt himself trying to get out.
Meows can be a sign of distress not being dramatic. Also btw, you could’ve called the fire department. Yelling at your wife on the climb-up doesn’t help anything just making her more stressed and yelling at her while she lies in a hospital bed just because you were correct in your assumptions doesn’t help anything.
Your yelling doesn’t fix her broken bones or the embarrassing feelings. It only shows when someone you know gets hurt not to turn to you.
She was reckless for trying to climb the tree but screw it, I would have too.
Animals and pets can be like family. I’m so angry at you man. YTJ more than anything else. Oh, man. LET IT GO. You’re a jerk, mate. OK, YOU WERE RIGHT, but rn your wife is hurt, badly.
She made jokes because she knew she messed up but Mr. Freaking Know It All of you needed so badly to be right that you allowed your anger to control you. Screw it if you were right or not she’s hurt you, jerk.
Now with that being said, I have severe anxiety but mate the anger and yelling doesn’t help the anxiety. ESH but man you need to step back. Take in these comments because you can see it from how your wife saw you explode.
You need to cool down. Relax. Breathe in and out and then apologize. Swallow your “needing to be right” attitude and apologize. And then you two can talk soon. It will take some time but you can talk and hopefully the cat is ok and you can talk together over the cat being ok and then let it go.
She could’ve died and the last thing she needs is to be talked at like a child over her stupid mistake.” JediBoJediPrime29
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room For My Step Sister?
“So I (f16) live with my dad since he and my mom split up, and just recently he got married to Kelly. Kelly has a daughter (13) and a son (9) and they just moved in with us.
My dad and I house has four rooms the master bedroom has a bathroom inside of it, and my room is just a little smaller, but it also has a bathroom. Then there are the other two rooms that don’t have a bathroom but have walk-in closets, unlike mine.
All of the rooms have beds and dressers you know all the stuff that makes a room a room without the personal decorations that you choose.
When they came to move in her daughter ran straight past one of the vacant rooms and into mine.
My walls are purple and I have Marvel and DC posters hanging up on the wall I also have a mirror attached to my dresser with lights around it. So once I showed her son to the room he would be sleeping in I went into my room and saw her bringing her stuff into my room and so I told her that this isn’t her room and that she has one of the rooms with no decorations.
She immediately started flipping out she started yelling, saying she was gonna tell her mom and my dad that I’m being mean to her and trying to bully her because she was younger.
Her mom and my dad came into the room due to all the yelling and asked what was going on and so I told them that she thinks my room is hers and she won’t leave but she said that this has to be her room because it’s her favorite color purple and it has a bathroom so it has to be hers.
My dad explained to her that she can get her room painted whatever color you want and we can get u the poster and pictures she wanted also but she said she doesn’t want a room that doesn’t have a bathroom so this one should be hers.
Her mom ended up agreeing with her saying that I have had this room for a very long time and can just restart in the other room and I should give it to her since she’s younger.
So I told her that I won’t give up my room because this has all my stuff and I’m comfortable in my room so her daughter will have to go to the other only available room.
She is saying that I’m being rude and mean to my new little sister and should be reasonable and give her my room and be the bigger person and act my age and not a little kid.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is usual that the oldest gets the biggest room without factoring in blended families. Yes, it may be an adjustment for her since they are the ones moving in somewhere you already feel at home but that’s not a good enough reason to kick you out of your room.
Given 2 bedrooms have ensuite and 2 don’t if you switched you would have to share with the stepbrother who you don’t know whereas she grew up with him. You are already having 3 new people come into your home you should not have to give up your privacy and comfort.
Plus the demanding attitude says a lot. Giving in to this will not set a good tone for the rest of the transition.
But it is a hard time for her too so hopefully this can be dealt with amicably and she settles into her room.” serendipitous_sadie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That room is yours and she is being an entitled brat. She literally reminds me of Cinderella’s stepsisters… I actually kinda skimmed over the beginning because I like to get straight to the drama, but I did a double take because I was like, wait, how old is this girl?
Because by the way she was acting, I assumed she was like 3. But no, this is a teenage girl acting like a literal toddler. How bizarre, and it makes me a bit apprehensive on your behalf because I can’t help but suspect your stepsister acts like this because she knows her mom will always back her up.
Let me impart on you a little advice I’ve learned from my own life experience: when it comes to entitled younger family members, NIP THAT CRAP IN THE BUD no matter what tactic they use or how hard they make it for you, or they will use this tactic against you for the rest of your lives.
Now is the time to dig your heels in and make it firmly clear, you are no pushover.” horrorgender
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does this mean that your dad dated Kelly, engaged, got married, and Kelly and her children have NEVER been inside your house ever before?!
This makes me wonder just how fast dad married Kelly. OP, had you even met the other kids before? or Kelly? I blame both adults 100% for not making prior arrangements on who sleeps where.
Did they just pull up in a U-Haul with everyone’s belongings?
Obviously, since the 13 year old went exploring to choose a room, NOTHING was arranged beforehand. Who the heck does this?
It sounds like these 2 adults barely know each other, got married in haste.
It sounds like a pure tee mess.
Get a LOCK for your room immediately. You don’t want to wait until your personal belongings are stolen, destroyed, or missing, before anything is done (then you’ll hear the “It wasn’t ME!
You are picking on me!” from the 13 year old most likely.” NCKALA
7. AITJ For Leaving Once I Found Out My Sister-In-Law Was Faking A Food Allergy?
Honestly, I’d be upset too.
“I, (F18), turned 18 in early August.
For my 18th birthday, I wanted to go out and celebrate with my family by going to my favorite Chinese restaurant.
I’m quite a picky eater (I’m autistic and have issues with textures), but any type of Asian food is safe food for me.
When it comes to more Western cuisine, I don’t have a lot of options unless I make it at home.
Everything was organized and ready to go, but a week prior to my birthday, my brother’s fiancée Vicky (F27) said that she can’t go.
She said she has a seafood allergy, and after contacting the restaurant, they said they can’t realistically cater to her and politely advised that she doesn’t eat there.
Vicky and my brother suggested that we go to this Italian restaurant instead.
Everyone was on board but…I hate Italian food. The textures of cheese and pasta is just gross to me.
I got upset because it was supposed to be a dinner for my birthday, and it was like I got forgotten about.
I talked to my parents and they told me to stop complaining, Vicky can’t help having an allergy.
I sucked it up and went. I spent my birthday miserable and ended up just sneaking in my own snacks into the restaurant.
Well, last weekend I spontaneously went over to my brother’s house with no warning because I had forgotten my hoodie there from a few days prior.
My brother let me inside and I saw Vicky sat on the couch scoffing tuna like it’s nobody’s business.
Me: I thought you were allergic to seafood?
Vicky: What are you talking about?
Me: My 18th birthday last month. You said we couldn’t go to the Chinese restaurant because you’re allergic to seafood.
Vicky: Well I’m not medically allergic, I just can’t stand the smell of all those shrimps and prawns. It makes me feel nauseous.
Me: So you ruined my 18th birthday because you don’t like how seafood smells.
Wow.
I stormed out and blocked Vicky and my brother on everything. I couldn’t believe this.
I talked to my parents. They think I’m being dramatic, and that it’s just a restaurant, and told me to apologize to Vicky for speaking to her like that in her home.
I was so angry, I went to go stay with my bf’s family for a few days who very kindly let me stay. My family thinks I went super overboard, and are calling me a brat and entitled. I don’t know how to feel.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Vicky and your family all are. I’m sorry that your birthday was ruined because of her, and I’m even more sorry to hear that your family isn’t supporting you as they should.
Vicky owes you a sincere apology for ruining your birthday, and your family owes you a collective sincere apology for ruining your birthday with Vicky, and for not supporting you and calling you a brat and entitled. There was no reason to choose an Italian place — I’m sure there are plenty of Asian food restaurants that would have been a good compromise.
Also though, this is not just about your birthday or the restaurant. It’s about them recognizing, acknowledging, and respecting that you are autistic and are sensitive to textures, and understanding what that means and why it’s such a serious problem for them to have acted the way they did.
I’m glad your BF and his family are supporting you, at least.” Aerelai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t decide which is more appalling – the fact someone is willing to go to such lengths to get their way on your birthday or the fact your parents clearly have no understanding or empathy for your food sensitivities.
For context, I’m an autistic adult. Food sensitivities are not a preference. More and more studies are showing that certain sensitivities actually activate the pain center of the brain in the neurodivergent.
Vicky is allowed to have her own preferences but lying to assert them on your birthday is not ok.
She should have declined the event invitation. Granted, your family is also in the wrong. Who doesn’t get to pick the restaurant for their birthday?” Shadocat42
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
She sucks for not just skipping the dinner as originally planned, and they suck for making you switch to a cuisine you hated for what was supposed to be your birthday dinner.
It almost sounds like her issue was a convenient excuse to push for a switch to a restaurant that they preferred. It wasn’t fair to turn your birthday dinner into a family gathering where the majority ruled on the menu, and you definitely deserve a do-over dinner with friends.
But you suck because you’re judging her for having an issue with food smells when you yourself have an issue with food textures. Shellfish are a strong yuck for some people, she likely can’t help that any more than you can, and “I have an allergy” is sometimes just easier than dealing with people getting weird and confrontational because you can’t eat something and they don’t understand why.
People get seriously weird and weirdly serious about food. It’s bizarre. You’ve done it yourself, with their “It’s just a restaurant” baloney.” bjorkenstocks
6. AITJ For Not Only Having Meatless Options At Our Wedding?
Their wedding, their food decision.
“Me (26F) and my fiancé (28M) are in the very early stages of wedding planning. Both of our families have offered to chip in, but we’ll be covering the bulk.
We’re both vegetarians and really only have dairy products very occasionally. 9/10 we choose the vegan option and mainly cook vegan for ourselves, just when we have the same meals as our baby (10 months old), we all eat the same.
We can be in the same room as meat cooking etc, we’re not particularly preachy, we just don’t want to spend a dime for animals to die in celebration of our wedding.
Feels wrong for us paying into that industry. Also looking forward to having a choice rather than the one option.
My mum has already made a comment that it’s not fair for us to not offer a meat option we’re of the mindset that it’s literally one afternoon we’re asking guests not to eat meat.
No one on our guest lists have any other dietary requirements we need to think about.
She made the point that we’d expect a vegetarian option at someone else’s wedding.
So WIBTJ for not offering a meat option.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are your guests. That means, to a certain degree, you are supposed to cater to their needs. If a meat eater knew they were having vegan guests, they would be the jerk if they did not provide a vegan option.
The same goes for you. Unless everyone at your wedding is vegan, you should have at least one non-vegan option.” baubsyeruncle
Another User Comments:
“”She made the point that we’d expect a vegetarian option at someone else’s wedding.” Yeah, because vegetarianism is the BASELINE.
All food is vegetarian but then some has meat added in. No meat-eater can NOT eat vegetarian or refuses to eat vegetarian for ethical reasons.
I always chime in on these threads. I had the same situation.
My “best friend” who was also my matron of honor (mistake!) hounded me about this from the day I got engaged until the wedding day–and from what mutual friends report, she was still complaining about it at least five years after the wedding.
And we didn’t even go full vegetarian! It was mostly vegetarian but with one seafood option (it was a buffet). Your mother sounds like my MOH with all the “people will expect meat” nonsense.
We had tons of food (pasta, veggies, the one fish dish, etc.). No one was going hungry. And for the questionable few who really feel they can’t go without meat–it was a few hours of their life.
I’ve spent plenty of “few hours of my life” events having little to nothing I could eat (yay for a limp salad!).
It’s your wedding. You are hosting the meal. You get to decide.
If it helps, refund your mother’s contribution–or have her pay directly for something non-food-related (like, have her pay the photographer or whatever) so she can’t play the “I’m paying for the food” card.
Have a lovely wedding!” eugenesnewdream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eating a meal without meat is perfectly fine. My rule of thumb for my wedding was making sure everyone could eat – there are no food or dietary needs that I’m aware of that require a person to eat meat.
We had a surf/turf option (steak and crab cake), a chicken dish, and a vegetarian option. We also had a kid option (chicken tenders and French fries cause that’s what my daughter wanted lol), but we didn’t make it mandatory for kids to order the kid meal either.
We knew everyone was taken care of this way, and everyone got to choose what they wanted.
I’m all for having multiple options and guests choosing which one when they rsvp, but there’s no need for any of them to have meat.” pixie-kitten-
5. WIBTJ For Kicking Out My Roommates That Lived With Me For Only Two Months?
“I (23m) currently live in my childhood home that my mom owns, but she has now moved to another state and left me to take care of the house.
I was looking for roommates to help me and my mom pay the mortgage, and I ended up contacting my friend John (23m) to see if he would be interested in moving in with me.
He was, so I rented out one of the rooms for him. He also had a friend, Kev (23m) that was interested in moving in with us. John invited me to watch a basketball game with him and Kev so I could meet him and talk about him potentially moving in with us and renting out the other room in the house.
Kev was interested and wanted to move in. So everything is set, John and Kev move in on the 1st of the month, and they give me the rent every 1st of the month.
The first month was good, we all work pretty much all day and rarely see each other around the house, only at night, if that. The only problem is that Kev has a partner (23f) that pretty much lives at the house rent-free.
She showers, does laundry, and sleeps here at the house every day. That ticks me off because I rented the room to just him, not him and his girl. But I tried to brush it off thinking it was temporary (It wasn’t).
One day I found out that my mom had to sell the house. I let John and Kev know, and they were visibly upset because they wanted to stay in my house for a long time, but now whenever the house sells we all have to move out.
Some weekends we would have to leave the house for 2 hours for open houses.
Second month rolls around, it’s the first of the month, I go on our group chat and ask for the rent.
John doesn’t respond and Kev said he would only have the rent on the 3rd of the month. 3rd of the month comes around, I text and call each of them individually to demand the rent.
Kev says he didn’t get paid yet because of some issue at work, and John says he had to send some change to his mom for an emergency, so he would only have the rent on the 7th.
In the meantime, my mom had already paid all the bills of the house and the mortgage on the 1st of the month and is furious demanding the rent they owe us. It is now the 11th, Kev has yet to pay his rent, and John has paid his rent on the 7th as he promised. I think that this is very disrespectful to me and my mom, and I almost feel like Kev is trying to take advantage of me.
Rent is rent, people have bills to pay and it is not my fault he has no savings, we need the rent in time. After Kev pays, my mom wants this to be his 30 days in the house, because he is late 10 days for rent, and because of his girl that lives here rent-free.
My mom said John is fine to stay, even after being late to pay the rent. But then I would have to kick out just Kev, and I feel like that would be awkward and would be better if I kick them both out and give both of them the last month here.
WIBTJ if I kick out my roommates after only 2 months together?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the homeowner and she told you to kick Kev out.
You don’t need to kick out the other dude.
He did nothing wrong other than being a week late on rent due to an emergency if he is telling the truth.” kiraIsaAlivr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Might as well do it now before you’re 5 or 6 or 7 months deep with nothing but promises from them.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“You probably need to look at your local rental laws more than worrying about who the jerk is.” alldara
4. AITJ For Altering How My Mother-In-Law Appears In My Wedding Pictures?
“This happened at my wedding. I am very detail-oriented and planned my/our wedding with my husband very meticulously. Everything was color coordinated, and everything was aesthetically pleasing. Our colors were pink and black.
I wanted parents and grandparents to also wear our wedding colors so the wedding photos would be cohesive. I specifically spoke with each person and told them the color scheme and how I would very much like everyone to color coordinate.
Nobody had an issue with this, so I thought.
Both sets of my husband’s grandparents went out shopping to find clothes to explicitly match our wedding party. I thought that was so cute and appreciated it immensely.
My mom and I went shopping for my grandparents because they asked us to. So they were also matching.
I offered to take my mother-in-law shopping to pick out something to wear but she declined and said she would go with her friends.
I said okay and kind of forgot about it. The night of the rehearsal, my mom asks my MIL what she is wearing and she responds with a long dress in the wedding colors.
The next day I am getting ready in the bridal suite And my MIL moseys on up and is wearing a royal purple ball gown. She doesn’t wear makeup that often, and I was shocked to see she was wearing neon blue eyeshadow and bright pink lipstick.
Her husband wore a matching tie. I was livid but ignored it because I didn’t want it to ruin my big day.
My FIL asked me how he looked during pictures and I responded “you and MIL stick out like big sore purple thumbs”.
He asked what that was supposed to mean, and I told him that they knew the dress code. Now they look out of place. He said he wore what was given to him and would relay the message to my MIL.
My mother-in-law approached me later in the night and asked me about my issue. I asked her why she lied about her outfit choice. She said she never bought a dress that would go with our wedding colors and planned on wearing the purple dress she found.
It was more true to her and that’s what mattered. I said that’s fine, I’ll fix the pictures in post production. She said I would not adjust anything, they paid for the pictures and I would not alter anything.
I said, any picture I post with her in it will be altered on my end, so they have no control over what I do. I excused myself and enjoyed the rest of my wedding.
My MIL has a habit of trying to make things about her and make little comments like “well I am the mother of the groom, my opinion counts.” Or “I can make decisions too, I’m the mother of the groom and we are helping pay for this wedding.”
My parents paid for 70% of the wedding my in-laws paid for the photographer and the rehearsal dinner.
The photographer was their friend and only charged them $800 for the whole night. The rehearsal dinner cost $300 because they chose the cheapest options for everything possible.”
Another User Comments:
“The second I started reading that you wanted parents and in-laws to wear cohesive colors, I knew exactly where this was going.
It seems like your MIL wanted to stick out, and did so on purpose.
She knew exactly what she doing, there was no mix-up here.
While I think telling people what colors to wear, asking guests to alter appearances is always a weird ask, your MIL agreed and kept up the ruse she was going to accommodate your request.
NTJ.” andreaak88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do I agree with your color scheme request? No, but that’s a personal thing with my preferences and I’m not you, so not my call. Your wedding, you do you.
It would annoy the crap out of me too if someone stuck out that friggin badly in my wedding photos because now my photos are not what they could have been.
It would also drive me over the edge if someone didn’t bring an issue to my attention, publicly went along with what I was saying, only to turn around and blatantly disregard anything I asked for.
I want honesty from the get-go, and I don’t take lightly people passive-aggressively making points towards me.
The fact that she was upset you were going to doctor the photos to fix them on your end?
That’s on her for not realizing that you weren’t gonna put up with it. That was a blatant attempt to undermine you, your wishes, and your marriage. I’m telling you now, it’s gonna get worse.
Be prepared.
For those people saying that “your wedding day isn’t even all about you,”: GTFO. It’s one day of celebrating a couple and their love. Calling OP a bridezilla for asking the family members to match is reaching at best. We see a lot of bridezillas on this page, this isn’t even close.
If you don’t think you would do it for your wedding, don’t. It’s not what’s being asked. Focus on the question at hand.” Rouge_4015
Another User Comments:
“ESH. People are not props. It’s one thing to ask for cohesion, it’s another to micromanage and control every last thing.
MIL obviously finds you insufferable and fired back. Her choice was obnoxious and just makes her look bad. She so clearly wanted to look out of place. Let her. It’s not like you’ll be hanging a picture with her in it over your bed. Display the pictures with your husband and have a chuckle at MIL’s immaturity while you work on letting go and unclenching a bit.” SpicyMargarita143
I'd see if hubby would ask her why she dressed so weird too.
So, by the end of the day she'd know everyone thought she was hideous.
3. AITJ For Being The Reason My Aunt And Uncle Are Now Homeless?
“I (M27) am married to a man (M28). He is the love of my life. I had only ever been with women before him, but when I met him I realized I was bi, and we fell in love.
We got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. We now live in Vermont.
My whole family is from a small town in Texas, a super-conservative Catholic area. I was raised there, but my dad got a job in NYC when I was 15.
The culture shock was difficult. We went from living in rural Texas to living in an apartment in Manhattan.
My parents didn’t sell our house in TX, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent.
In college, when I came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. My mom needed some time to accept. The rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around.
During visits, we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married, we weren’t allowed to share a bed. We didn’t argue as we both would rather keep the peace.
Visiting since instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room.
Starting a few years ago, we did not visit them. But this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and I.
I wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband, and I stay with them.
The 1st-night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. My aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on the couch.
All 3 of us took issue with that.
They snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. They said that it would be a bad influence on their kids.
This hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. When my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. That’s when I saw red.
I started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate.
I told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately, then I was going to tell my dad what just happened, and I was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house – that was still in my parents’ name.
My bro seconded everything that I was saying. They started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules. I responded that it wasn’t really THEIR house.
I told them they were going to be homeless if I had my way.
The kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. My husband was on the porch crying, I promised him that I would never subject him to that again.
I told dad what happened. To say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. He served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. I have been getting calls and texts, and social media messages from my family calling me a jerk.
I want to know AITJ for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless. Is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- they played a cruel and stupid game and won a stupid prize. They insisted you and hubby stay exactly so they could do this, you told your father, and he acted as he wanted. Any family that doesn’t want them homeless can take them in.
I mean, they have been benefiting from cheap rent for what 12 years? They should have taken that time to save for a house or something maybe your dad just used this as an excuse to kick out a freeloading sibling and their family.
And if their financial situation is such that this will truly leave them homeless, then they should be smart enough not to be cruel to you.” Old-Bee-4773
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I’m probably going to be down-voted to heck, but hear me out here.
The aunt and uncle are jerks; that has been well-established.
But think about what happens now. The au*t and uncle and kids are getting kicked out. They are going to have emotions about this, and probably not good ones.
Sure, we hope they will take this moment to look inward and self-reflect on their homophobic ways and suddenly have a revelation and become accepting toward queer people. But do we think that is really going to happen?
Or is it more likely the family will double down on their bigotry and take it out on other people, other LGBTQ+ people they meet, because of this perceived injustice? Does this create greater divisiveness as a more long-term result?
My issue here is how we handle situations and how we develop empathy. We are so insistent on people being empathetic to us and our needs that sometimes we forget to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and be empathetic towards them.
In this way, we not only become jerks ourselves, but we also don’t actually make things better in the bigger picture when we nearsightedly behave in vindictive and punishing ways. Sometimes (many times), we might miss the forest for the trees, and we become nearsighted in our own (very justifiable) hurt and pain, and then we wield whatever power we have to punish others.
This is probably going to be buried, but I’d be curious to hear other thoughts.
And, if it is relevant at all, I’m queer myself and have experienced being rejected by family and by family friends, and have been doing LGBTQ+ activism, scholarship, and community work for almost 15 years.
These are things I constantly think about, and I really don’t have a good answer to this.” durianmush
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for defending your husband, but that eviction is illegal. It falls under discrimination on the basis of religion, which is protected in Texas.
Your father may have stated otherwise in the actual eviction notice, but there’s a lot of text evidence at this point that proves it was their religious beliefs that led to the eviction.
You can’t evict people because they have different beliefs than you. That’s petty and, again, illegal.
“Under the federal Fair Housing Act and the Texas Fair Housing Act, a tenant cannot be discriminated against for race, religion, gender, national origin, familial status (including children under the age of 18 and pregnant women), and disability.
A landlord cannot evict a tenant based on any of these characteristics. If a landlord does evict a tenant in violation of the federal Fair Housing Act or Texas Fair Housing Act, the tenant can use this as a defense against the eviction.
The Texas Workforce Commission provides more information on the federal Fair Housing Act and the Texas Fair Housing Act. Also, see the Nolo article Housing Discrimination Prohibited by State and Local Law for more on laws prohibiting discrimination against tenants.” lestrangerface
2. AITJ For Keeping The Ring After My Partner Jokingly Refused My Proposal?
Her jokes are getting old.
“My (25F) girl, Molly (26F), for the last…
6 months started with a joke that I’ve already made clear that I don’t like. It consists of her saying “No” quickly to anything I ask.
I know it sounds silly, but I ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, I’m almost getting up, she says she’s joking and gets some water.
I ask her to wash the dishes, she says no… I say I LOVE YOU, she says no… I ask her to take her clothes, she says no. Everything is joking and after 30 seconds/1 minute, she does it, but she is “addicted” to doing it.
I’ve already made it clear several times that I don’t like it, even more so in I LOVE YOU (she’s the only person I can say that, so it’s special to me). And there are things that are serious and I need her to answer seriously.
And if she says no to everything jokingly, I can’t tell when she’s saying a real no (it’s already happened).
I keep saying this is boring and I don’t like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week.
After a brief discussion, because she played this prank in front of our friends (Me asking “love, can you get me some medicine?” and she said “No…kidding”), she stopped doing it for 1 month.
Yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. Everyone knew that I was going to propose to her and I called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day.
I asked her to marry me and she said a quick NO I was so grumpy/panicked/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30 seconds for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying YES.
I was so embarrassed and…disappointed? I put the ring box back in and said I’d take it out to cool off. I didn’t even let her say anything.
She kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that I knew she always did that.
She said that I left her in a difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that I had given up on proposing and did in front of my parents and in-laws.
She stressed that I was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke.
Well, I slept in a hotel and I’m still in it.
My parents supported me, but my in-laws are calling me the jerk for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter.
I just really think there’s time for jokes and that moment wasn’t clearly; she knew I didn’t like it and decided to do it anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this is coming from a family who does it A LOT.
Me and my siblings love to be like “Can you grab me a drink when you go past?” with a quick “Nope” only to do it anyway with all the variations. The sibling or our mom (who loves to do this with us as well) usually just say, “Oh, okay!” Cause we know the joke.
Here’s the thing, we DON’T do the joke with our dad. While the rest of us find it funny, he is quick to feel upset and not understand when our ‘No’ is joking like you do, so we DON’T DO IT.
We don’t do it because we love and respect him and know it can be quickly upsetting to him, and he loves other pranks/jokes with us so we just find other things to share the fun in with him.
I would also like to add we never do it in serious situations or things that need an actual answer or conversation, there are times and places for these things which she is NOT understanding.
This is not about you ‘taking it too seriously’ or anything else, if she truly loved and respected you, she would stop. It’s simple to remember and do as someone who has almost their entire immediate family doing it on a daily basis, who also remembers and doesn’t do it for one of them out of love and respect.
I have to stress that because that is the huge issue here and she needs to work on what she is willing to compromise on if she ever wants to have a life with you with BOTH of you happy.
I wish you the best, and I hope she either wakes up and realizes she is completely in the wrong here or you find someone who is willing to do that for you.
NTA, you are right and keep your boundary here.” aconstantissue
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I feel like you overreacted somewhat by storming off. I think expressing annoyance in the moment and then really putting your foot down later about how crappy it made you feel would have been a better course of action.
That said, I also understand how irritating it must be. Especially after having talked to her about it multiple times.
I haven’t read other comments yet but I’m anticipating mostly NTJ answers saying that she was told multiple times, etc., etc., so she got what she asked for.
I don’t completely disagree with this except for the fact that despite all of that you still asked her to marry you. Which tells me that the rest of the relationship must be pretty alright.
You have every right to be annoyed and irritated, but I do think you storming off was an overreaction. Even worse since you not only stormed off but got a hotel and are now sitting in it throwing a pity party.
I’ll tell you one thing though, if you guys stay together she’ll probably never give a joking no again. So maybe mission accomplished after you get through this hurdle?” CommanderChakotay
Another User Comments:
“ESH (soft) – if you love her enough to propose to her and in other ways you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this woman then why would you throw your whole proposal away over what she probably believes is an inside joke?
A proposal is really special and should signify a joyous moment in your lives but to storm off with zero communication because she pulled a lighthearted joke while still saying yes seems like overkill.
All in all, she’s the jerk for continuing to do something that you don’t like and YTJ for throwing your whole proposal away over something that you could’ve predicted would happen and then getting mad when it did.” Fabulous-Pineapple49
1. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The Delivery Room For Making Phone Calls?
“I was in labor for 26 hours and was in alot of pain as I didn’t take an epidural.
My husband was constantly on the phone either playing games or talking with his “bros” being really loud, and when I asked him to please hang up he’d hang up the phone and then like 10 minutes later call them back.
He really wanted to talk to them because his friends went on a boys’ trip without him because I asked to stay back so he could be here when I went into labor, they were calling to tell him about how their trip was going
He apologizes to them blaming it on me being a nag. I was really annoyed and told him if he wanted to talk to his friend he could do that elsewhere so I can be in pain in peace.
He was like alright fine baby I’ll just call them back later so I had about 20 mins of peace until his mom FaceTimed him where he proceeded to put me in the video call.His mom makes a comment about how she remembers when she was in labor with him and that she still did herself up, she even claimed she looked so good the doctor even was flirting with her.
I was holding back everything inside me to not say something as I didn’t want to disrespect my mother-in-law but at the same time she sometimes just makes the stupidest comments at the worst times and at this moment I could not stand talking to her.
A nurse ends up coming in and could tell I was upset and asks me if everything was alright and I tell her I just really want to be alone.
She ends up kicking out my husband, and in turn, he ends up missing the birth of our Firstborn daughter because he left the hospital because he was angry that I got the nurse to kick him out the room.
He refused to come to see his daughter afterward because he was angry at me for kicking him out. My mother-in-law who did visit me in the hospital wouldn’t stop talking about how I’m such a bad wife for removing my husband from the room.
When I got home he kept on bringing up how I ruined a moment of bonding with his daughter and how he could never forgive me for that.
Am I the jerk for kicking my husband out of the delivery room because he was making phone calls.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not just that you were justified in your actions or not justified (you were justified).
ONE. MUST. NEVER. MAKE. YOUR. PARTNER. MAD. WHILE. SHE. IS. DELIVERING. THEIR. BABY.
Your partner’s job is to wipe your forehead with a cold washcloth. Clean your crap off the floor if you have an accident (I don’t gaf if there’s a nurse there, it’s the least the partner can do to demonstrate their undying appreciation).
Have their hand crushed. Make sure the right music is on. Most of all, don’t freaking breathe without baby mama’s permission.
If you can (and some states include this in coverage now), I highly recommend having a Doula.
When my wife first raised the idea, I thought it was some happy dippy crappy, but to have someone in the delivery room who can serve as an advocate, coach, and aide and has been there for a few dozen/hundred births is massive.” mdkroma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The nurse kicked him out of the room. He’s the one that chose to leave the hospital altogether.
Tell him –
“You missed the birth of your daughter because you threw a temper tantrum and left the hospital. If you had been focused on me and the baby instead of playing games and having loud phone calls with your friends, I never would have asked you to leave the room.
You’re mad that you missed this moment? Well, I am mad that when your daughter and I needed you most, you prioritized chatting with your friends and complaining about what a nag I am.
I am mad that when I was in an incredibly vulnerable position you let your mom insult me. I am mad that you are blaming me for something that was the consequence of your own selfish actions.
I am mad that you are still making this situation about yourself and playing the victim instead of celebrating that I gave birth to our daughter.”” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Sooo as someone who has given birth, felt the pain, and had it last long hours, what exactly were your expectations from your husband?
Sit there quietly staring at the wall? Your question of whether were you the jerk for kicking him out of the room? Yes, YTJ. For that one very thing, because I’m sorry, you were wrong.
Was he a bit of a jerk? Yeah, of course, he didn’t need to call you a nag. Literally, everyone here isn’t understanding the fact that he was also in the hospital for 26 hours.
The fact that you told him not to go on the guys’ trip, does not matter, the fact that you have a strenuous relationship with your MIL does not matter. Your question was in this ONE situation.
Don’t fluff the story with extras to gain favor. It loses the purpose of what’s being asked.
Birth is an experience of bonding for BOTH the mother and father. You did have a part in removing him from that situation.
Ruth is high stress for everyone, including the father. 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
Edit: I understand people will not and do not like my comment. I urge all of you to truly think about how you would feel being demanded into silence for 26 hours.
There’s a lot of missing information and so many are willing to take this at face value without actually putting it into perspective.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but I’m going to go against the flow here.
I think YTJ. Who cares if he was on the phone? When I was in labor my children’s father was on call for work and he had to continuously take calls and work until it was time to start pushing then he just turned the phone off but he had to do his job and keep family updated.
He probably left the hospital because he assumed he wouldn’t be let back in. I think you’re the one that threw the Tantrum and wanted it to be him just wiping the sweat from your brow the whole time.
26 hours is a long freaking time to sit there and do nothing.
You took a moment from him that he can never ever ever get back. I don’t think that’s okay.” CSMom74
So CHOOSING to not be there that last week is totally insane. Even if your wife happens to go past her due date, those last weeks are often incredibly hard on the mother. Baby is gaining half a pound PER WEEK, mom is already exhausted from months of her body devoting nutrients to her child, she's making sure everything is prepared, finishing up setting up the nursery, getting food prepared so she doesn't have to cook when trying to recover and take care of this whole new person that depends on her, nesting, making sure the hospital bag is packed, arranging her ride to the hospital, going to the doctor every week of the last bit, everything is haywire. She NEEDS her support person there for her, even more so if baby decides now is the time.
At the very LEAST, OP should have called his wife and gotten her thoughts on him staying at work longer, and if she said no she wants him there, tell his supervisor "sorry boss but my wife is about to have MY CHILD so I need to be there for her".