People Want Us To Be Honest About Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Uninviting My Cousins From My Wedding?
“I (28M) am an only child.
When I was 12 my parents divorced when my dad found out my mom had an affair. This was devastating to my dad. My parents were best friends and started going out when they were 17. I played sports and my dad was my coach so I had a much closer relationship with him than with my mom.
I was supposed to spend one week at my mom’s and then the next week at my dad’s. But I would usually just lock myself in my room at my mom’s. Usually, my dad would drop me off and I would get on my bike and ride the couple miles back to his house.
My mom would ask me things and I would literally pretend like she didn’t exist. It got so bad that lawyers got involved thinking my dad was turning me against my mom. My dad encouraged me to spend time with my mom, but I couldn’t.
My mom tried putting us in therapy but I would just sit there till the time was up not saying a word to her. Eventually, my mom broke down and let me just live with my dad.
I haven’t spoken a word to my mom in 15 years. She would show up to my games alone. Sometimes I would ask my dad to tell her to leave. Sometimes I didn’t even notice she was there.
She would try talking to me after and I would walk right past her. I cut her whole family off except a few of my cousins that were around my age. She showed up at my high school graduation and I asked a couple of teachers to remove her and they did.
She never went out with anyone else to my knowledge and was still attempting to reconcile with my dad a few years before he passed. Calling it the ‘biggest mistake of her life’ and begging my dad to forgive her.
When my dad passed a couple of years ago she tried to show up to the funeral and I met her outside to ask her to leave. My fiancée Rachel was with me when I did this and my mom cried upon learning we were engaged (Rachel introduced herself as my fiancée).
Saying she couldn’t believe I hated her still this many years later.
So last week I received a letter from my mom with a large check inside. In the letter, she said she couldn’t live knowing she wouldn’t be invited to her only child’s wedding.
That her whole family is hurt that I cut them off. And that she had been keeping tabs on me all these years through my cousin’s updates out of respect for me, but couldn’t handle not being at the wedding.
I ripped the check-up and sent it back to the return address. She shouldn’t have even known my address as I keep her blocked on all social media. I called up my cousins who admitted that since I was 14 they have been providing my mom with updates on me.
Prom pics, college updates, and engagement photos and they sent her my address. I was so mad that I told them they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding anymore because I don’t want my mom to get access to it.
Rachel is saying I’m going too far now and uninviting my cousins along with freezing out my mom’s whole family because of her actions is a jerk move. AITJ?
Edit: The infidelity happened with a teammate’s dad.
This was highly embarrassing for me and caused me to have to move towns. Caused me to lose friends.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say YTJ. Acting out as a 12-year-old is to be expected. Deciding not to ever forgive your mom is totally your right (though it was 16 years ago, and you, while affected, were not really the aggrieved party).
The fact that you are still throwing tantrums like a 12-year-old, at the age of 28, makes you the jerk.
I’d even go so far as to say your fiancée should consider this a pretty serious red flag.
The fact that you can act with such hatred and spite over something that happened over 16 years ago, and only peripherally involved you, to me shows a pretty serious character flaw. At the very least, she should be concerned about what it would take for you to direct that anger at her, and what form that anger would take.” Himkano
Another User Comments:
“Oof this is a tough one to judge on the exact question you’re asking. I’m not seeing that you asked your cousins not to talk to her, so I’m feeling YTJ here.
You certainly have the right to be angry at your mother, but holding such an intense grudge for this long over her two-timing your father once just doesn’t sit right. This is something you need to actually deal with.
Honestly, your mother doesn’t sound like that bad of a person – yes she made a horrible mistake but she’s spent 15 years passionately trying to have some form of a relationship with you while doing everything she can to respect your boundaries.
And you gave her nothing for that. If there’s more that your mother did wrong, I’d understand, but it’s just not there.” dcm510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it’s disgusting reading these comments of everyone saying YTJ.
If roles were reversed everyone on here would be dragging the father for being unfaithful and still trying to get in contact with his daughter probably even going so far as to call him a stalker.
Honestly, I understand that she was trying but that doesn’t excuse the fact that she did what she did. She slept with a friend’s father and I’m pretty sure had she not been caught she probably would’ve continued doing so for who knows how long.
I love how everyone here is looking past how he had to move towns because of his mother’s infidelity, how everyone’s looking past how he lost friends because of his mother’s infidelity, how he basically lost his first home of 12 years because of his mom‘s infidelity, but who cares because his mom is trying to be a good mom now so what she did in the past doesn’t matter anymore isn’t that right.
That’s exactly what y’all are basically saying to OP’s face and it’s really disgusting.
OP you are NTJ, if you want to be in no contact with your mother then you can be.
Don’t let anybody on this site make that decision for you because obviously, they do not have your best interest. Yes, I do believe you do need therapy to work on some things but that does not mean you have to accept your mother.
If you do not want her in your life then don’t. Go get married have kids and go make the family that you deserve. One where it’s not built on lies or someone’s mistakes causing you pain.
And for everybody else who’s calling OP the idiot, you’re stupid to look past his pain/hurt then you wonder why men don’t share stuff on the internet because if this was a story about a girl whose dad lied to her mom you would be on the daughter’s side but since it’s a guy posting all of a sudden he should forgive her… why?
Because when you’re a man your feelings are everyone else’s but when you’re a girl your feelings our your own. Comments like these make me sick.” No-Committee-96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am just baffled at everyone who says that the op is a jerk.
To everyone saying that the op should forgive the mom who apparently lost her husband and son, how is it op’s fault? Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Also, people saying that the op wasn’t affected when his mom had an affair with his teammate’s dad, didn’t you guys read when op said that he had to change schools for the ridicule that he had to face?
Also, how did it not affect him when he saw his family breaking apart and his dad suffering because of his lying wife? I swear to God, the internet is just filled with a bunch of hypocrites!
But, I will agree that OP needs therapy. Years of hurt and resentment will render him nowhere and he needs to get out of the negativity. Also, the OP asked if he was a jerk for not inviting his cousins.
I think you aren’t a jerk for uninviting but maybe talk with them about how you felt betrayed by them when they fed info to the one person who hurt you the most. All the best and congratulations on your wedding!” dumbgirl26
14. AITJ For Saying The Way My Sister Met Her Fiancé Wasn't Funny Or Cute?
“I’m 19f, and my sister is 21.
She’s engaged to a guy I haven’t met too many times (because of the global crisis and both of us going to school in different countries) just once on my sister’s birthday and once on Christmas.
He’s 30 or 31, and every interaction I’ve ever had with him has been fine, but brief.
On new year’s eve, my sister’s fiancé was working so she came to a party my aunt threw.
At one point one of my older relatives asked how they met and my sister told them the story, which is basically that my sister was driving in front of him and I guess she wasn’t going fast enough so he started driving really aggressively, tried to pass her on a double yellow and ended up causing a fender bender trying to avoid getting hit by oncoming traffic.
When she gets out of her car he starts screaming at her and berating her, she starts crying, he feels bad, asks her out, and tells her he’ll pay for everything, deductible, repairs, he even said he’d pay for the first year of payments if she needs a new car (he’s loaded).
She took him up on the offer and the rest is history.
So this is where I might be the jerk, and what I’m asking for your judgment on. After she was done one of my cousins was like ‘oh my gosh, that’s such a cute story, (My Name), isn’t that so funny?’ So while I would never tell her my opinion unsolicited I also didn’t want to lie, and I didn’t want my 16-year-old cousin who was also there to think anything about this was ‘cute’ or ‘funny’, so I told the truth and said I thought it was a little alarming, and that I hoped his road rage was a one-time thing.
One of my aunts agreed with me, and I made sure to add that I’m sure it was a one-time thing because whenever I met him he seemed very pleasant and my sister was clearly very happy, and the conversation moved on.
Later on, my mom said that I should’ve just lied and said the story was cute or just laughed and said ‘yeah’ or something. I told her I felt uncomfortable lying, that I did think the story was alarming, and that had my sister told me that story at any other time I would’ve said the same.
My mom said I caused a scene and embarrassed my sister, and that I’m the jerk here. I don’t think I caused a ‘scene’, but I did answer the question honestly. AITJ for not lying and saying this story was cute?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t have asked if she didn’t want an honest answer. Your sister is overlooking a lot of messed up things for I’m guessing the money. No normal girl would go out with a guy who did what he did to her, especially on the first interaction.
I’m guessing it was his offer to pay for things that made your sister go out with him. To me, I would think she’s looking at his wallet and not his personality which is terrifying.
There’s something quite scary about a man in his 30s berating a 20 or 21-year-old in a road rage incident he caused. If this was him before what does marriage look like?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The story wasn’t funny or cute. It was, at best, interesting and certainly alarming. I mean, if after that awful first meeting their relationship has gone very well and they have no problems because it honestly was a strange one-time thing and he realized what he was doing in the middle of it and is not something he’ll do again, then everything’s fine I guess.
But I do have to wonder if that’s actually the case and if your relatives would be so quick to defend this story as ‘funny’ or ‘cute’ if the guy wasn’t rich or hadn’t flashed his wallet as part of his apology after acting like an insane person and causing an actual accident.” Tough_Stretch
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. NTJ. The way they met was not ideal or cute at all and sounds borderline abusive. Glad she is happy now. I do think people are being a bit ridiculous making him sound like he is some crazy person cause of the story.
Yeah, he has/had issues. Obviously. Plus your sister accepting to go out with someone who was screaming at her and making her cry after he could have hurt her is also very concerning.
But… I also will give the benefit of the doubt here.
Maybe he really is generally a good guy and this was a bad day. This is a single and bad snapshot of a lifetime of both their lives and they are engaged. Your sister likely has been with him a good long time so who knows maybe this is a once-off.
I’d watch out. Keep an eye on his behavior and just be there just in case for your sister if she needs it.” BooksAndStarsLover
13. AITJ For Getting Into A Fight With My SIL Over Toilet Paper?
“My younger brother got married just over a year ago and they live with us at home with my parents.
It has been awful since he got married. We used to be close as siblings, but he’s become aggressive and hostile toward me since. He had never acted like this until he got married.
A few days ago, my sister-in-law asked me if I could buy some toilet paper rolls for our bathroom (we share a bathroom).
Since I work near a large distribution center that sells it in bulk, I went out of my way after work to go and get it.
As soon as I came back home and walked through the door, it was like things went down.
As we usually do, we tallied up the costs to see how much they’d pay me back for the rolls. We’ve done it for ages without an issue. So I wrote it down and sent the amount to them.
Next thing you know, I’m being asked about the amount I owe them from the past times they bought it (nearly two years ago). They were discussing the time when they moved in and started using the bathroom (I lived there first and they moved in afterward).
At the time they moved in, I had been using my parents’ bathroom instead because the other toilet door wasn’t locking and it was too cold for my behind. I told them, ‘I never used the rolls there as I wasn’t using the toilet on that side, remember?’
My brother starts raising his voice at me, ‘You HAVE been using it! You used it at night! I remember! You owe us $11! Stop trying to back out of this.’ I always used my parents instead and my Mum backed me up as confirmation.
He kept going on about how I had to pay my share (which I always do and I can prove it via bank transactions). My sister-in-law butted into the argument and started ripping into me that I owed them and that I had to pay them back.
When I tried defending myself, she yelled at me to shut up, so I told her to shut up back and said out loud ‘Are you serious?’ because the entire situation was so ridiculous and petty.
She starts screaming at me and my brother towered over my Mum in an intimidating manner and was yelling at her for continuously being on my side.
Now my sister-in-law wants an apology from me for swearing at her, while I don’t get a single thank you for getting the product and apology for how they acted. I audio-recorded the entire fight and have proof I did not swear to protect myself from their gaslighting.
How I might be the jerk: I probably shouldn’t have said shut up to her. I paid it regardless for them to shut up about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buy your own toilet paper going forward and they buy theirs.
It’ll be a lil prison-like, but at least y’all won’t fight over toilet paper. Better yet, put in a bidet. However, SIL would’ve gotten snatched up coming for my momma. Your bro needs to check her on that.
Especially in your momma’s house. SIL is so outta line. I’d crack her face. Tell her you’ll always be blood-related but she may not always be your bro’s wife. She needs to stay in her lane.” Toph0420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother actually tried to intimidate your mother by towering over her and your father was okay with that?
Maybe you and your mom can find a nice, drama-free place to live together.
I’d be afraid the next time this happens my brother would hurt her or you. I would discuss this with her and then either find somewhere else to live or tell jerk husband, brother, and SIL to get out.” shlbycindy1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What is your parents’ stance on this? Because he got aggressive and tried to physically intimidate your mother, which is just not tolerable. Where is the limit for your parents to ask those two to move out?
Actual physical violence? Do they want to wait until he punches either your mother, your father, or you before taking action? You’ve said that he is been growing increasingly aggressive and hostile for a while now, so this isn’t a one-off situation.
If they don’t ask your brother and SIL to move out, maybe the best would be for you to look for a place for yourself (or with roommates if you can afford to). You should not have to tolerate aggression, insults, nor intimidation in your own home.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
12. WIBTJ If I Go Home Early Because I Don't Want To Help With Chores?
“My sister (36) and I (32) aren’t close but aren’t adversaries either.
She suggested that since we haven’t seen each other in 2 years, I should visit over the holidays. She had also invited me to her son’s 1st birthday end of January. I agreed since I work remotely, so being across the country wasn’t an issue.
It was supposed to be 2 trips, but she suggested the night before my flight that I stay for 1 long 6-week trip. I was slightly hesitant, as we’ve never really spent that much time together, but agreed as she seemed to really want me here for the birthday.
Everything was fine at first – her husband (who I’ve met a few times before) is super nice and my nephew is adorable. I’d offer to pay for my own food and items, help around the house, etc, but her husband always declined and told me to please not worry about it.
I stopped asking after a few days. It was also around then that I realized my sister has a bit of an attitude – she raises her voice and gets frustrated easily almost anytime I say anything or ask a question as if I should’ve known better.
It was kind of jarring, so I end up staying in my room unless I’m asked to help with something like chopping up ingredients, vacuuming, or watching my nephew for a few hours while she goes out.
Otherwise, I’d only come out to refill my water or grab food, do my dishes, quick chat with her husband when he’s home from work, coo at my nephew, and do it all over again the next day.
Not the best solution, not the worst.
Last night she blew up at me and asked why I don’t help cook, do all the dishes and walk the dog. I told her I can’t read her mind – if she needs help she needs to ask, and that I’ve helped and babysat every time she’s asked. I don’t have kids and I don’t know her needs.
She said she’s embarrassed to ask for help, that her husband is being too nice to me, and I should be offering more help, not freeloading and hiding away.
I apologized to her husband after, saying I’ll do more from now on.
He once again told me not to worry, and that he and my sister have a routine down, because both the baby and the dog need established schedules, and I shouldn’t have to adhere to or learn them.
He said that my sister’s short-tempered, but is extra worked up from being at home with a newborn all year. He said since our parents are reluctant to visit (they live on the other side of the world and traveling at their age at this time would be an ordeal) he hopes I can forgive her outbursts since I’m the only family she has around.
However, we both agreed she’d keep being mad if I didn’t help her a lot more.
WIBTJ for thinking I should just get out and go home? She’s clearly struggling, I feel bad, but when I was invited I was expecting some family bonding time, to help out a bit here and there, not to be the help.
If I leave early, it would most likely cause a huge rift, or she may be even petty enough to cut ties altogether.
Edit: Looks like I didn’t mention that I did apologize to my sister when she yelled at me before I spoke to BIL.
So I want to clarify that. Some other things I didn’t elaborate on: I had previously asked about a cleaning schedule, but they didn’t have one, so I actually just asked if I can vacuum every Sunday and asked to do their laundry whenever I notice my nephew’s laundry pile building up when I change him, and she’ll throw in her and her husbands.
So I do that twice a week. I ask every few days when I’d be needed for extended babysitting (~4hrs), and I always agree (1-3x/wk). I also watch/feed/change him almost daily when I’m asked. I also attend his baby classes with her.
I had as much of a chat with her as she allowed – she’s very closed off, but some of you were right, she’s really distraught my parents aren’t here. It seems I am in fact some sort of replacement.
I really do feel bad for her, so my current plan will be to stay as long as I can handle the 6 weeks to try to avoid bad b***d.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Just expectations and no clear communication.
There is a society guest rule for a reason. After 3 days guests either start helping or leave.
You were invited by the family for more than 3 days. That has a level of expected helpfulness implied. So she isn’t unreasonable to ask for help or expect it.
Her husband however should either accept the help or help more so she can spend time with you instead of spending extra time cooking and cleaning up after you. But he probably doesn’t know what to suggest for you to do so he just says do nothing.
She is also probably cleaning and cooking more than normal because you are here and doesn’t want the house or her cooking judged. So her asking you to help out to offset the extra work she is doing because you are here is totally reasonable, and not at all asking you to be her housemaid.
So cook once a week. Do something with the kids once a week without their parents. Vacuum or wash the dishes. Sweep. Clean the garden, mow the lawn. Help shovel the driveway/walkway. Walk the dog occasionally.
You don’t have to do all of that but you should be doing some of that.
Dishes can mean one person washes and the other dries so you can hang out and talk to your sister.
Fold laundry with her. When you have to do your own laundry offer to do the kid’s laundry or house towel laundry too. Offer to put the kid to bed, read them a story, etc.
Or just apologize for the misunderstanding and leave. You will probably be expected to send birthday cards and will probably get them, and you might even get invited to birthdays or Christmas again for a day or two.
But it will be very unlikely that it will be a close or meaningful relationship with any of them if you decide to be a guest only and not a sister when your sister needs some help and company.
Because she very likely needs the help and company which is why she invited you for 6 weeks, and you have just become another chore in her house, and ignoring her has been hurtful to her.
If you want a closer relationship then you need to sit down with her and plan out the next few weeks, including chores and fun stuff and party planning, and child care. Then stick to it.
But no jerks here because at this point everyone thinks the other is but doesn’t communicate what they expect out of these 6 weeks.” OutOfMyMind4ever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, although leaving may not be a bad idea if you can’t set things straight.
Right now, your sister may be thinking of asking you to go anyway.
I know, not a popular opinion, but it hit me differently.
By now you’ve been there already for the holidays, so 2 of the most stressful weeks for anyone hosting anything.
Your sister is tired!
2 weeks, and you still seem to have no clue what your sister needs. Having a guest interferes with privacy and routines, and the child will react with odd behavior.
Sure she wants you around, but it is costing her more energy to have you, and you don’t seem to notice.
Then she finally blows up, and you nicely apologize… but… to her husband? The person that declined the help his wife needed? He may seem kind to you, but he’s a real jerk to his wife.
You offered to pay for groceries, but it seems your sister isn’t worried about money. (Or at least, her husband wants you to think that.) Either way, your sister has all the mental work of coming up with what to eat, what groceries to get, going out to buy them, putting them away, starting cooking, and then also needs to go to you to ask for help.
If you think that is not hard work, google ‘mental load’. Or just try coming up with ways to help your sister without her telling you to.
She stated nice clear things you can do without asking.
Cook a meal, do the dishes (YES all of them! Why are you doing just yours? I was shocked reading that), and walk the dog.
I don’t see that making you ‘THE’ help. It’d make you part of their living dynamics.
She can’t be pampering you for six weeks…
If you two would just come up with set days or moments where you could help, and she would need it most, that would make it easy enough.
You’d eat if you were home right? Why not plan, shop, and cook, for at least 2 meals a week? Same with the dishes and with walking the dog. You could even take the kid along so she has a bit of a breather.
Things like that help immensely, and even more if your sister knows she can count on it.
When your BIL said there were routines that you didn’t need to learn, the answer would have been ‘no worries, tell me some of them so I can help without being in the way’.
Then you find out she dusts x amount per week, when she vacuums, what times the dog needs to be walked, and such, (could’ve noticed that in the last two weeks) and it’s easier to do your part without needing to ask.
You can go, or you can step up your game. But most of all: Offer your help, money, and apologies TO YOUR SISTER instead of her husband.” alyom
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You would not be a jerk for leaving early, or for continuing to do what you’ve been doing.
Your sister is not a jerk for wanting a little more help or for feeling like she’s carrying the whole household on her shoulders (she’s not).
You’ve indicated you are willing to help. Unfortunately, BIL says ‘no thanks’ and your sister wants you to be a mind reader.
There are things you can do that will help and you don’t need to ask if they need doing. For starters, you could be the first one up from the table every night and start doing the dishes.
No one will stop you.
You could do the grocery shopping. You could TELL her you are going to cook dinner on a given night. And yeah, stay in your room to work, but don’t hide out there all day and night.
If you can’t figure out how to help, then yes you should probably get out of the way.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needs to communicate with you better. Explain again that you’re getting mixed signals.
You don’t want to be in her way and she has a routine that you don’t want to interrupt, out of respect for her. Ask her one more time to give you some things to do, and you’ll do them.
But, if she doesn’t want to ask for help, you need to go back to your own home, because being around her isn’t good for either one of you.” beek_r
11. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Get Another Dog?
“My son begged and begged us for a dog for years. I knew he wasn’t going to take care of him and we would end up doing it but we decided to get a family dog when he was 12 and our youngest was 10.
Our oldest lost interest after a few months and plays with Gizmo occasionally but doesn’t walk him or feed him. Surprisingly our youngest did take care of Gizmo and did most of the chores and training associated with having a dog.
I’m quite proud of him for doing all that seeing as he never asked for a dog. Gizmo and he are pretty inseparable and it’s clear Gizmo prefers him to anyone else in the family.
We have him sleep in his crate but if we bring him and we sleep in a hotel Gizmo will sleep with my youngest.
It’s been 3 years now my oldest is asking for another dog because Gizmo isn’t ‘his’.
I told him Gizmo is the family’s dog and it was up to him to train and spend time with him when he was a puppy but he didn’t. He got angry and yelled that his brother stole his dog.
My husband just wants to get another one to appease him but we only agreed on one dog and I don’t want another one. We agreed to not get another dog but I worry it will cause my older to hate my younger because Gizmo prefers his brother.
I’ve tried to encourage our older one to take Gizmo out more and train him but he’s lost interest and wants a new puppy to himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is a jerk and your older son is becoming one.
Dogs are like economics professors: they ‘consider’ things like value and utility. Who is most useful to the dog? Who provides value? The one who feeds him, plays with him, walks him, and enables him to be a dog.
That usefulness develops into an unbreakable bond. Dogs are pack animals and their mental health suffers if they don’t have at least one pack member to team up with. His alpha abandoned him, so he found a new one.
That’s what they do.
If your older son wants the dog to love him and pay him attention then he needs to step up and do the things that benefit the dog but, to an extent, it’s too late.
Buying another dog is a horrible, horrible thing to do. The older son has already shown that his interest wanes, and it will happen again. He blames his younger sibling for stealing the dog’s affection, yet he drove the dog away.
Rinse and repeat.
Your husband is enabling this behavior, and may secretly tell your older son that ‘I would buy you another dog, but your Mom says no.’ When he neglects the new dog, your husband will roll his eyes and the new dog will go to your younger son because dogs crave attention and need an alpha.
He should man up and be a parent. He should agree with you and tell the boy that he had his chance and he blew it.
If you bought him an Xbox and he smashed it up, you’d say he cannot have a replacement.
I bet your husband would buy him another one.” Thatcsibloke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not the jerk, you are parenting your child. Good job. Parenting means you are not always your kid’s friend because your kids will occasionally want stuff they can’t or won’t handle.
Any pet is a living, breathing creature that is a responsibility and privilege to care for. It’s a lot of work; if you’re a good person and responsible pet owner, it’s for life – the pet’s life.
Your son didn’t want to put the work in previously; maybe he was too young or didn’t appreciate what it would mean. Now he’s seeing that his younger sib put the work in and has earned the pet’s love, and he feels left out.
This is an opportunity for your son to grow, though he probably won’t like it. The fact that his response to this is essentially a tantrum doesn’t really tell me that he’s mature enough to have that responsibility.
You said no, stay strong.
Your older kid won’t leave you alone, brainstorm possible ideas with your SO. If the issue is one of maturity and commitment (which would be typical and what it sounds like), well, buy yourself some time.
Require him to take on some jobs around the house, for small pay, for a year. Something repetitive he has to do every week; chores if he doesn’t have them already. Money to be saved toward potential future vet fees.
If he can’t hack it for the year, he’s demonstrated he doesn’t have the maturity for that commitment at this time… and you’ve bought yourself a year, he’s a little older, and you don’t have to either sacrifice a living animal for his learning experience or burden yourself with another pet.
Good luck.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘My husband just wants to get another one to appease him.’
Your eldest has already proven that he can get bored of caring for the dog after a few months… If he gets bored of it again, is your husband going to take responsibility for enabling this and care for the new puppy himself?
Or does he think he can just push the responsibility to the youngest again or even you?
You could ‘test’ if your eldest is going to be responsible, by telling him he should care for Gizmo more.
Walks, brushing… if he wants ‘his own dog’ then all the responsibilities fall on him. He cannot rely on someone else brushing the dog when he doesn’t feel like it. He shouldn’t slack on even one time going out for walks unless he gets sick and is unable to.
He should be willing to wake up in the morning before going to school and take the dog for a walk, every day. He wants his own dog, after all, that’s what it takes. He should do this for a few months without slacking once and then you may reconsider getting him his own dog.” User
10. AITJ For Recording How My Brother's Partner Talks Trash Behind His Back?
“My brother’s fiancée is frankly a gold digger.
He got her this $3000 wristlet for Christmas. I went with her to a bridesmaid dress shop. She talked trash about the purse several times. Finally, I recorded her. She called my brother cheap in the recording.
She also said he has no taste, and that’s why he’s not allowed to plan the wedding. She also said how much she hates the setting of her engagement ring. I thought she was disgusting, and I sent the recording to my brother.
He calls off the wedding over it, but my mom and a few others think it was a trashy thing that I did. I said I saved my brother the heartache, but my mom feels like it wasn’t my place, and if my brother gets back with his SO, it will be an issue for me.
My mom said brides get too stressed about weddings and many women talk trash about their SO behind their backs.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s trashy, not you. But It’s true: She could be venting and have genuine feelings about your brother.
I would sit your brother down and explain that you didn’t want to hurt him. This was something you needed to share with him but it’s his decision on how he moves forward.
If he takes her back, you will support him and her, and you hope it would be something that would make them stronger. I am not trying to be cheesy but honest. You need to leave the ball in his court.
You are not to blame. In talking like that about your brother to you during bridesmaid shopping, she was the one who was trashy; not you!
The fact that your mom is defending brides who talk trash behind their SO’s backs seems very old school to me.
Marriage is about communication and honesty. Yes, sometimes I vent to my friends about my husband but not something I haven’t already discussed with him. It’s really not your fault that she decided to degrade your generous brother to you.” Mind-over-matter2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It shouldn’t be normalized to talk so much trash about your partner. If she has a problem with him she needs to talk to him BEFORE they’re legally bonded together thru marriage.
The ex-fiancée feels so comfortable as to complain about the brother IN FRONT OF THE SIBLING. That’s so rude and so telling of her personality that she doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own.
regardless of wedding stress levels that is NOT okay.
If she feels so comfortable as to say those words in public to everyone, she should have no problem with being recorded and basically having to say it to her ex-fiancé’s face.
OP was trying to be a good sibling and showing their brother the future toxicity he might have to face while being married to this woman who doesn’t seem to be pleased by anything he does.
If this were me and my sister, I would thank her for the heads up. Definitely NTJ.” No-Code6160
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trashy is talking smack about a $3000 gift. Trashy is talking about hating your engagement ring and dragging your fiance’s taste in front of his family member (or, y’know, anyone, but for the sake of this situation…) It was 100% your place to save your brother the heartache and the lifetime of ungrateful misery.
You didn’t tell tales or stir up drama. You let her own behavior speak for itself.
Your mom is bummed about the wedding being off and blaming the messenger for it, but the trash took itself out here.
Excellent sibling work. Hope she never darkens his door again, but if they do, and things are awkward? That blame lies square at trashy’s feet.” horns-of-maleficent
9. AITJ For Cooking Eggs?
“I (23F) have been living with my roommate (22F) for the past three years now. When we moved in, she informed me she has a variety of pretty serious allergies–including a pretty potent one to eggs–and because of this she cooks her own food and uses her own dishes.
For the first year or so, we lived together on this front with no issue. Then, things started to change.
Right after the global crisis started, for reasons that are still kind of unclear to me, she came into contact with one of her allergens in the apartment and had to use her EpiPen.
I wasn’t there for it, but she told me when I got back. She was really freaked out, and she made me empty the fridge and do a deep clean of all the dishes on my own (we don’t have a dishwasher).
She then asked me to keep any foods with her allergens in my room. I was scared as well, so I agreed. Honestly, it wasn’t a huge deal because I’m not really a cook and I’m fine to go into my room if I want to eat trail mix or whatever.
It did slightly up the tension in the apartment and, as a result, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom alone.
Fast forward to this Christmas. My roommate was flying home and I, because of a sick family member, had decided to stay in the apartment and forgo the holidays with my family.
I was feeling super lonely and nostalgic, so I decided to make a tortilla español, which is something my grandmother used to make for us. Even though the dish uses a lot of eggs, I figured this would be OK since my roommate was out of town for an entire week.
Anyway, I made the dish, ate it, enjoyed a night watching Netflix on the couch, and was just starting to clean up when I hear the door open. It’s my roommate. She’s been at the airport for hours and her flight’s been canceled. Obviously, she’s tired and stressed out.
Immediately, she sees the eggs and starts to fly off the handle at me. I’m scrubbing and trying to clean up as fast as I can, but she’s screaming at me and crying and saying I’m trying to kill her.
I try to explain that I thought she wouldn’t be home, but she’s not listening. She storms into her room and slams the door. She doesn’t leave as far as I can tell until a day and a half later when her flight has been rescheduled. She’s barely talked to me since, but she’s sent me a couple of messages about how upset she is that I won’t respect her boundaries and have such little regard for her health and well-being.
She’s thinking about moving out.
I’m at a loss here–I feel like it was an honest miscommunication and, other than this one thing, I think we’ve had a pretty good roommate relationship.
Also, and this is a big thing, I really can’t afford this place on my own. I’m thinking I should just fall on my sword and profusely apologize, maybe offer some kind of reparations to get her to stay, but on the other hand, I am feeling kind of disrespected by the way she’s handled all of this.
I really don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This was an honest mistake. I don’t know how severe her allergies are—they seem pretty severe. So after being stranded at the airport for hours and having a canceled flight, I can understand seeing the eggs and reacting very emotionally.
That said, after she calmed down and it was safe for her to come out (all eggs gone), she should have talked with you and realized that the only reason eggs were in the apartment is because she was not supposed to be home for the next week.
You should be allowed to cook something you want to in your home while your roommate is not there. Regardless of her allergies, a week after cooking and cleaning—everything should have been fine. It’s unfortunate, but she is letting fear override sense.
I hope y’all work it out.” Quirky_Number4460
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s being unreasonable. Having food allergies is tough, but you didn’t make the eggs maliciously. You cooked them expecting her to be gone for a week – which would give you plenty of time to clean up and decontaminate the kitchen.
I noticed a few people saying to be gentle with your roommate, but she’s an adult and I honestly think she’s projecting her stress and worry onto you. There’s a massive difference between having a one-off meltdown and turning a miscommunication on her part into a week-long melodrama of her blaming you for making her feel unsafe.
I don’t care who you are or what you’re going through, that behavior is manipulative and unacceptable. I feel bad for her situation, but she’s being a jerk and is crossing that emotional abuse threshold.” Appropriate-Eye-991
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I honestly think you two just aren’t compatible as roommates.
A lot of trying to armchair diagnose how bad her allergies are in the comments, and that’s ridiculous.
None of us know as none of us is her doctor.
But as someone with a severe allergy, I would not want any of my allergens in the apartment AT ALL, especially after a scare.
Having a reaction is painful, traumatizing, and expensive. I understand her reaction, plus she’d just come back from the airport after her flight had been canceled and she was already no doubt upset about that.
I do not blame her at all, and again my personal condition upon having a roommate would be no allergens in my house AT ALL. I do not want to risk dying in my home, my safe space, where I live, because of touching or eating something.
That’s an unacceptable amount of stress for me. It builds up.
I don’t think you’re a jerk for not wanting to live that way, and she’s not a jerk either. But you aren’t compatible if you’re not willing to give up her allergens.
That’s just how it has to be if you choose to live with her, it has nothing to do with your freedoms and it’s not deeper than that.
Find other arrangements if that doesn’t work for you.” Kai-ni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – from someone who has food allergies (also my son). It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to accommodate her, you were understanding of her being tired & stressed out due to flight cancellation & that you tried to explain.
I’m also sure you would have done another thorough cleaning before she got back.
I can understand her being tired, stressed & over-reacting, etc – however, she should have discussed this with you like an adult, not continue to berate you when you had absolutely no knowledge of her imminent return.
Seems like she has everything her way, and the one time you do something to suit you in her (supposed) absence she is refusing to accept your heartfelt apology. Personally, I’d look for another roommate.
There are a couple of things here – if her flight was delayed for hours and therefore high risk of cancellation, she had plenty of time to contact you – in which case, you probably wouldn’t have cooked the eggs anyway.
Also, did she go to the hospital after using an epi-pen? I know you said you weren’t there at the time she said she used it. Both my son and I have epi pens & have to call an ambulance/get to the hospital after using them.
(U.K. so no ambulance fees).
I do hope you got to enjoy your tortillas first before frantically scrubbing!” fibrofatigued
8. AITJ For Taking In A Bearded Dragon?
“Due to an unexpected bereavement in the family I am currently in the custody of a seven-year-old Citrus Bearded Dragon called Omelette, I have no idea why he is called that but I think it’s an adorable name.
No one else in my family was comfortable taking care of an animal more exotic than the typical cat/dog/rodent idea and I know how hard it is for reptiles especially older ones to find a home in animal shelters.
I took him in despite my partner’s protests, it’s worth noting he and I don’t live together yet but he feels very uncomfortable and disgusted towards reptiles in general and has brought up that if we end up living together he wouldn’t be comfortable with Omelette.
I returned that we’re not living together yet and I want to know he’s being well taken care of and not neglected which if I gave him up to a shelter I couldn’t ensure.
I’m not exactly a huge fan of Bearded Dragons myself but the more I look after him the more I’m warming to the idea, I just think I owe it to my cousin to ensure his pet has the best life possible, my partner, however, doesn’t get why I’m fighting him over an animal that isn’t mine, to begin with, and I have no emotional connection to, is it unfair of me to be prioritizing Omelette?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You have the right to keep Omelette if you want, but please recognize that it may be the catalyst that brings about the end of your relationship. So which is more important to you?
Omelette or your partner?
There are plenty of experienced reptile lovers who would gladly adopt Omelette. So if you wanted to honor your cousin that would be sufficient. You would have found it a good home and not dumped it.
That’s not the choice you are making.
If you choose to keep the dragon that’s fine, but it makes you incompatible with your partner.” AnnaBanana3468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Omelette sounds awesome and you’re a good person for wanting him to have a good home since his previous owner has passed.
Your partner is allowed to feel his feelings about reptiles and ‘unconventional pets’ but he doesn’t get to dictate what animals you add to your family, as he doesn’t live there. If he’s treating you poorly over the idea of a reptile, who he never has any contact with presently, then that’s a problem of his own making and he’s a jerk.
If you brought this ‘trigger’ (I don’t know how strongly he feels about them/how they affect him) into his living space, I would feel differently, but it’s your private space alone that he feels entitled to.
Nope nope nope.
As for care, I would see if you have any local reptile vets in your area, have him checked out, and get tips for his husbandry while you are there. That way, you know he has a clean bill of health, and can make sure he has all his future needs accounted for.” ijustneedtolurk
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s commendable that you’re so invested in Omelette’s well-being. He’s lucky to have you! I do think it’s a bit disingenuous to frame this as a choice between keeping Omelette and dumping him at a shelter.
If you’ve chosen to adopt him solely out of a sense of obligation to your cousin, you might consider reaching out to some local reptile groups to see if an experienced reptile keeper is willing to provide him with a home.
If you’ve bonded with him and want to keep him, then congrats on your new beardie buddy!
Your partner is NTJ either. It sounds like you and he have different levels of investment in the relationship, and that he’s understandably hurt by this discovery.
It might be worth having a conversation to see whether this is something you can work out or whether it’s better for the two of you to part ways.
Either way, good luck with your new beardie!” Word_In_Hand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However… People who like living with animals, especially exotics, should only be in relationships with people who feel the same. I had a corn snake and a ball python when I met my now husband, and he said it was one of the things that attracted him to me.
We now have a shared menagerie. The fact that you’re becoming increasingly interested in its care while he’s growing more upset is a red flag. You don’t say how he feels about animals in general but his behavior looks a little controlling.
You made a commitment to the beardie and his life and safety are up to you now, the same as any kitten or puppy. Both you and Omelette deserve a safe and supportive environment.” YankeeBanshee
7. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Put The Groceries Away?
“In our household, I do most of the housework. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is. I have spoken to my husband about this frequently and even explained the concept of ‘mental load’ to him.
He gets it… sort of – and has started to do more around the house, which I appreciate.
HOWEVER – there are certain chores that are mine and will always be mine and certain chores that are his will always be his.
For example, cleaning the kitchen is something I will always do. I’m the only one who cooks and I’m very particular about how I like things put away. Likewise, one of my husband’s chores is to put away the groceries (which, in my opinion, is not terribly hard).
I won’t budge on the few chores my husband is ‘locked in’ to doing (meaning I won’t give in and just do them myself) because, in the grand scheme of things, his contribution to the housework is very little.
With all this said, a few days ago I ordered groceries from Instacart and had them delivered. Any time I use Instacart I try to have them delivered close to when I know my husband gets home so he can put them away.
On this particular day, my husband had already called to let me know he was heading home, unfortunately, though, he got caught in traffic and it ended up taking him 2 additional hours. By the time he got home, I had already cooked dinner and was waiting up for him so we could eat together.
When he came into the house, he found me relaxing on the couch & watching TV with the groceries sitting by the door. This annoyed him greatly.
My husband thinks I’m a jerk for not just putting the groceries away instead of purposely leaving them for him to deal with.
But I explained to him that I had already cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and done a few other things around the house and that I just wasn’t doing EVERYTHING (dramatic, I know).
Additional INFO: I work from home (full time); his normal commute is about 1 hour; and since it’s not a serious disagreement (and also not the first time I’ve done this), we thought you should decide who is right once and for all – winner gets bragging rights.
So… AITJ?
EDIT #1: There was ice cream in the groceries, which I put away. There were also some lunch meats and cheese from the refrigerated section of the store which I did not put away.
There were no raw meats of any kind.
I already do 95% of the housework (my husband agrees that this is a true statement), and I absolutely refuse to do the last 5%. I also have to remind him to even do his 5%.
Lol. For example, the trash is picked up EVERY week, yet every Sunday I have to remind him to sit the cans out.
Please remember that while there is definitely an imbalance in the housework, this was made good-naturedly.
We’ve been married 15 years and have a great sense of humor about this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure if the people who are saying ‘you could’ve just done it this time!’ have been in a similar situation.
I have and it can really be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Sure you should pick up the slack for your partner at times like this if they already contribute their fair share.
When they already don’t, it’s ridiculous to expect you to pick up even more slack. It’s also a slippery slope – I’m not setting the expectation that I’ll start doing the few chores you’re supposed to do.
I feel for you, living with someone like that gets so exhausting so fast.” flyingcactus2047
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you left out items that should have been refrigerated. This is unsafe food handling and a waste of funds.
It’s not like he was hanging out with friends for two hours, or watching TV instead of doing it, he physically wasn’t there and was unable to get home any faster.
If you are unhappy with the division of labor/energy, do something about that.
Don’t ‘punish’ him. Healthy couples help each other pick up slack when needed.
Petty and uncool.” WhoFearsDeath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you put away the cold stuff, that’s the priority, BUT you should have put away the lunch meat and cheese – it was sitting out for 2 hours and really needs to be thrown out, that is dangerous.
Anything that was in the fridge or freezer you should’ve put away, the rest your husband absolutely should’ve done once he got home.
And work towards a more even split for chores, too. Amount of time working should be proportionate to the amount of time for chores (e.g. if you work 40% of the time, do 60% of chores – husband works 60%, does 40% of chores).” cheddarnatasha
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband is trashy at housework and you’re being petty and passive-aggressive.
To your husband: You live in that house, too. You eat, too. You make messes, too. Your wife is not your housekeeper or your mother.
You, as a functioning adult, should not need to be reminded of what chores need to be done. Pick up after yourself and if you see something dirty, clean it. If you see the trash is full, take it out.
Grab the vacuum or the broom once in a while and just do it. Don’t expect praise or thanks. You do it because it’s your house and you live there.
To OP: Leaving out groceries is not a great thing.
If there were perishables in there, they now have to be thrown out. And leaving them in bags on the floor by the door is just… no. You could have at least brought them to the kitchen and set them on the counter/table.
This is not the hill to die on. Marriage, or any cohabitation, is a partnership. Sometimes you give more than 50% sometimes you take more. It will not always be an even split but if it’s constantly uneven in one direction, then y’all need to be adults and have a conversation about it.
Make a chore chart, and make a ‘Want/Will/Won’t’ list. Like you WANT to cook and manage the kitchen. You WILL vacuum every other week. You WON’T put the groceries away. Maybe he WANTS to put the groceries away.
WILL clean the bathroom. WON’T do the dishes.
Time to stop treating each other like the enemy to be defeated and instead your partner in life. Good stuff and bad stuff.” Evil_Black_Swan
6. AITJ For Telling My Brother The Truth About Our Parents?
“So, my younger brother ‘Matt’ never had the best relationship with me or my younger sister growing up. The reasons for this are because of my parents and their mistreatment of me and my sister and their use of him as an excuse for it.
I am 9 years older than Matt and my sister is 8. Matt has a form of high-functioning autism. We’ve known this since he was about 2 years old. Ever since my parents found this out, they have used him as an excuse to avoid any responsibilities and gain as much sympathy and handouts as possible.
Claiming that caring for Matt was a massive job that took their attention 24/7. A big aspect of this was that they proceeded to neglect me and my sister at every available opportunity. They never once attended anything for me or my sister.
They refused to be there in any aspect, emotionally or physically for either of us.
The truth about it though was Matt required nowhere near the amount of attention that they claimed. He had no behavior issues once he entered elementary school, and was very self-sufficient.
Yet, my parents would use him as an excuse for everything. Even once refusing to pick my sister up when she was abandoned by friends almost 20 miles away, claiming Matt ‘needed them here’ when he was fast asleep.
We also both went through massive depressive bouts and were told by our parents that they did not have time for ‘our problems’ because of Matt. Toward the end of my time living with my parents, my extended family slowly began to cut my parents out once they learned the extent of their lies regarding Matt.
Suffice it to say, this destroyed our relationship with Matt. For a long time, my sister and I despised him. Even today, my sister outright refuses to talk to him or our parents, only communicating with me.
I myself am in low contact with the parents as well, but, I realized long ago that Matt was blameless in this situation. And taking out my anger towards my parents on him was wrong.
So, around the time he entered college I reached out and started a relationship with him.
Out of nowhere though, Matt asked me recently why I and my sister were so cold to him growing up.
Neither I nor my sister ever told him the truth, and seeing as he’s an adult now I decided he deserved the answer. I told him that our parents are narcissists and exploited his autism as an excuse to neglect me and my sister.
I told him about how they left my sister 20 miles from home at night with no way home and used him as an excuse. He became very livid about this and apparently confronted our parents about this.
My parents have lost their minds now. Accusing me of trying to ruin their relationship with Matt and claiming that I am nothing more than an entitled brat. Sister as well has begun blowing me up.
Claiming that I need to ‘stop opening old wounds’ and drop contact altogether or stop involving her in this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He asked the truth about something that he probably always wondered about.
May have spent years thinking he was the issue, in how he acted or spoke because of his autism. Must have been a crappy feeling for him. So now that he is an adult he probably decided to confront his own feelings about this to finally know the truth, and he asked because he was ready to face whatever you said about him.
He probably had no clue it was because of his parents. I’d be angry if I was him, too. But that’s not your problem.
As for your sister, you’re not really involving her with it.
You didn’t invite her over and spring Matt or the parents on her. Maybe a heads-up that Matt knows and that he or the parents might reach out would have been thoughtful. However, again, not your problem to deal with how your sister wants to deal with this.
She clearly needs to talk with someone about this childhood trauma but she can’t dictate how you handle your relationship with others. Tell her this and promise you won’t bring her up or use any more examples with her when you do speak with Matt, but she can’t stop you from having an honest relationship with him now that he’s old enough to understand.” a_person1852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother asked you a question regarding your lives and the relationship you used to have and you were just honest with him. The fact that you told him that your parents were narcissists who treated you and your sister like crap using him as an excuse, and your parents’ reaction to him confronting them about this was to get mad at you and claim you’re trying to ruin their relationship with your brother and insult you simply proves 100% that you are telling him the truth.
Your brother is old enough to have his own thoughts and opinions on this and if your parents don’t like it, that’s too bad. Maybe in the future just try to leave your sister out of the whole deal and only discuss your own experiences and thoughts about it with Matt without speaking for her or about her own experiences, since she doesn’t want to be dragged into it.
It’s sad that she blames Matt too, but it is what it is and you have to respect her boundaries. Maybe in the future, she’ll make peace with Matt and try to do what you’re doing now and build a relationship with him, but that’s obviously not where she is right now.” Tough_Stretch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Holy cow, this is so sad to read. It’s a shame cause I almost guarantee that Matt looked up to you and your sister when growing up, purely because of your trashy parents all three of you missed out on some of the most special relationships you can have.
I must say though that I’m happy for you to have decided to get in contact with Matt as I’m sure that was a really tough thing for you to do. I hope for the sake of all 3 of you though, that your sister finds a way to disassociate her trauma (that she clearly needs help with) from her brother.
Now you’re all adults the opportunity is there to hit the restart button and open an entirely new chapter in your lives. Clearly, the fact that Matt flipped out on your parents like he did shows how much he loves you two and the levels he would go to to be a part of your lives.
I wouldn’t push too hard but I’d definitely encourage your sister to meet up with you and Matt. I’d suggest somewhere completely neutral so that she doesn’t go into it with any overly negative or positive feelings and doesn’t feel on the back foot.
I hope you can all rekindle your sibling relationships I truly do. Also if you ever have kids maybe don’t see if they can stay with your parents ever.” HTFCDynamite
5. AITJ For Asking My Partner How Much She Spends On Essential Oils?
“My partner and I have been together for 4 years and moved in together just under a year ago. I make more money than she does so I pay 60% of our rent and utilities. But we split things like food, internet, and most outings 50-50.
However, she got laid off from her job a few months ago so she’s trying to budget more.
She’s looking for a job in her desired field but is struggling to find something close to us.
I’ve encouraged her to just get a job because plenty of places near us are hiring, but she doesn’t want to work retail or fast food. Which, I can kind of understand, but at the same time, you can’t complain about not having funds when there are literally places hiring less than a mile from our house.
I’m a gamer and like many others, I’ve been looking for a new Xbox for months. Last weekend I finally lucked out and found one, so I snatched it up right away. I was at home setting it up when my partner got home from running some errands and she asked what I was doing.
I told her I finally found a new Xbox and instead of being happy, she flipped out on me.
She told me it was irresponsible of me to spend that much money when we are having to tighten our budget and asked what things we are going to have to go without for the next few months because of how much I spent.
I told her that ‘we’ don’t have to tighten our budget at all, just her. I told her I’m doing fine with money and that she was wrong for trying to force her money issues on me.
She yelled at me that we are supposed to be a team and help each other when we are down. I told her I agree, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up things that I enjoy just because she doesn’t want to work at Target or Burger King.
Then I asked her how much she spent on essential oils since she lost her job.
That did not help and she started telling how that is different since those actually serve a purpose beyond wasting time.
When she didn’t give me a straight answer I just said ‘So, more than I spent on the Xbox?’
She yelled at me that I’m being a jerk and she can’t believe I would do something so selfish when we could literally lose our apartment.
Which, we won’t. Even if she can’t make her rent payment I could afford to cover us for at least 6 months if needed. And if it goes to that point I’d pretty much have to force her to work since I’m not looking to support her if she’s able to work but is refusing to.
She’s barely talked to me the last few days and any time I try to get some gaming in she makes a huge point about avoiding me or stomping around. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and she’s just lashing out at me because she’s feeling down about herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Essential oils are super expensive, and the idea that they serve any meaningful purpose other than smelling nice is absolute garbage.
Yes, they do smell lovely and can be very relaxing if you’re stressed out.
There is absolutely ZERO objective scientific evidence that they do anything else other than potentially poison animals and cause respiratory problems in small children, though. None. I’m sure I’m going to get downvoted for that, but c’est la vie.
She can spend her money on what she wants, but the argument that essential oils ‘have a use’ is ridiculous and unjustifiable, and you’re NTJ for pointing it out.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes people need a reality check. That’s what you gave her about the essential oils.
Yes, you need to work together financially, however, that also depends on how you have agreed to do things financially.
Is it separate accounts and are you each responsible for a % of bills?
Also… with no income now is not the time to turn her nose up at a job, bills have got to get paid somehow, and sometimes you just have to******* up, even if it’s not the job/field you want to be in, and I’m guessing your income can’t support you both, nor does it sound like there was any discussion that you would be covering her financial shortfall.
Maybe you two should sit down and talk financially, does she have a rainy day fund? For these sorts of scenarios where she has no income or an emergency happens? I’m assuming not, but a good idea for you both to plan for these sorts of situations.
Also if she’s not working she should only be spending money on essential things… Bills… Food…
The best thing you two can do for your relationship is to both get on the same page financially and also to financially plan together.
(speaking from experience, planning in advance makes it easier if things go wrong e.g. medical bills or out-of-work, you have a safety net to fall back on.)
Either way, best of luck, tough situation, and conversations need to be had here.” reedherring
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, I’d take all of this behavior as a red flag that you probably wouldn’t have noticed outside of stressful situations.
Your partner has revealed to you that she’s the type to shove her burdens onto others when they’re hers alone because she wants company in her misery.
She’s also demonstrated she’s the type to either hold communications hostage or just use dramatic displays of pouting, sulking, and ‘not saying but not not saying’ as her method of expressing herself.
Also, she believes Essential Oils have a valid medical function beyond mild stress relief and pleasant scents.
To say nothing of the risk that she might embrace multi-level marketing in hopes of being a ‘girl boss’, it says poor things about her willingness to embrace woowoo scams.
At any rate, you’re not in the wrong.
She was demanding you clamp down on your spending because she has to. She’s also spending more than you did on an Xbox and games, which uh… is a staggering amount of essential oils.” User
4. AITJ For Threatening To Kick My Brother Out Because Of His Life Choices?
“Recently, my (27f) brother (23m) lost his job and couldn’t afford rent so I decided to let him stay at my apartment rent-free until he got another. I’m able to support two people, we have a good relationship and he agreed to do half of the chores and the cooking (he cooks pretty well) so I thought it was a great deal.
Yesterday, when I came home from my job I had the surprise of seeing my brother without clothes on my couch, watching tv. I froze a bit out of shock then asked him what he was doing sitting on my couch without clothes.
He tried to explain himself but I just told him to put on clothes first and that we would talk later.
Once he got dressed he told me that he preferred to not wear clothes because it was healthier and more natural. I told him that I didn’t have a problem with him being shirtless, it’s just that I didn’t want to see him exposed in my home.
I explained to him that he is my brother and I don’t feel comfortable seeing his private parts at all and that even if he didn’t see that as inappropriate, I did.
He answered that he wouldn’t put clothes on when he was home and that it was tiring enough to have to be dressed in public.
I told him that if he would like to do that at home, he needed to find his own place. I let him know he needed to make a decision, be clothed here or he had to get out.
Today he mostly ignored me (and was clothed thankfully) and I feel guilty because he would probably be homeless if I kicked him out but at the same time I don’t want to see him without clothes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your bro is breaking one of the most important rules: consent. People like him don’t force others to see them without clothes. His insistence is a little creepy, to be honest.
My spouse and I never wear clothes inside our house. It’s just us and the animals, and it’s how we’re comfiest when it’s just us.
But! If a package/takeout is coming, or a friend is coming over, or we are anywhere but in our home – we are fully dressed (except for the obvious exceptions).
Most people don’t want to see other people without clothes. It doesn’t even matter why – it’s your home. Before dropping the clothes he should have checked with you, and listened to you when you said no. What he does in the privacy of his room?
As long as he causes no problems and always covers himself when the door is open, no problem. But sitting without clothes on your couch in your living room, then trying to make you the bad guy?
No.
It might be worth a sit-down and laying out of boundaries and rules – including what will cause him to lose his place with you. You’ve been really generous and he needs to not take advantage of that.
I hope things go well, and he’s out of your hair soon!” geekilee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Had an opposite-gender sib sleepwalk without clothes in front of me once, we were both adults at the time.
I feel your pain, though not to this extent.
No shirt, no shoes, no service. No pants, no home. It’s not onerous, it’s a basic requirement of most internet-capable countries, and honestly, it’s your home, why would he even be comfortable with the possibility of flashing you?
Also, if it was ‘healthier’ and generally better not to wear clothes, humans wouldn’t have invented them; or they would have gone out of style real quick. Since that’s not the case, and clothes serve multiple purposes including protection from elements, you have nothing to feel guilty about.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What if you were walking in with some friends or coworkers for an afternoon coffee or something and he was just there, lounging exposed like a rejected Michaelangelo painting? What if you had the maintenance man or something coming in and forgot to tell him and he was just laying around like that?
NO ONE is expected to walk into their home to see their sibling without clothes and for any reason.
The fact is: You also didn’t even know about this. You’d think he would have mentioned before he moved in like ‘hey, heads up, I like to be completely exposed while at home’ and then y’all would have discussed this prior, not you coming home and just seeing everything hanging out.
And I don’t know how recently he lost his job or how long he’s been staying with you, but judging from your surprise (and the probable need to disinfect your eyes from what you saw) he wasn’t lounging exposed prior to this.
Especially not doing the cooking with his sausage near the sausage.
I’m calling nonsense on his claim and I’d stick to my guns. If he wants to be exposed, he can be exposed in the street or at your parents’ house.” KayKueen
3. AITJ For Making My Partner An Eggplant Steak?
“I (28F) am a vegetarian and have been since I was 14. Meat disgusts me and the idea of eating a dead animal has bothered me for a very long time, so I stopped eating meat.
My partner (29M) is not and at the start of our relationship we made an agreement: I will not cook or handle meat, and if he wants to eat it he can cook it himself.
Since we live separately I don’t buy it, but if we do end up living together (which I’m on the fence about atm) I don’t mind buying it.
Anyways, the other night my partner was visiting my place.
He was incredibly wasted and hungry, so he started asking for dinner. I asked what he wanted, and he said steak. I said I don’t wanna cook meat so he should. He got mad and started demanding it, so I shushed myself and just went along with it.
However, instead of a beef steak, I made an eggplant one.
When he opened the steak, he got angry and started yelling at me, asking why is the steak yellow. I said it’s made out of eggplant, and he asked for a steak so I made one.
He screamed at me ‘I ASKED FOR A REAL STEAK NOT A STUPID PLANT ONE, MAKE ME A REAL ONE!’ I was so annoyed to the point where I made him get out of my house.
He kept calling me with little ‘apologies’ and how he didn’t mean to scream, and he was crying in the background. These are making me wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of his behavior was abusive, including the sad ‘sorry’ apology calls at the end.
It’s called ‘love-bombing’ where they say and act however they need to in order to make you feel bad about not accepting their appalling behavior.
And the thing is, once you accept this apology, the door is open for this cycle to happen again and again.
It might not happen for months, but in the back of his mind, he now knows he can treat you as badly as he wants, and all he has to do to get a free pass on it is cry a bit and make an apology sound good.
I don’t want you to be 2 years down the track, ‘shushing’ yourself on the daily because you’re terrified to speak up and wondering if you’re going to get through today without being terrorized. Please run away from this dude as fast as you can.” KittenMadeOfStardust
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here and you suck less.
I’m not really saying you did the wrong thing, but it seems clear to me that, if someone says, ‘I’d like steak’ then you say ‘okay’ and come back with something that is not a steak, you’re a jerk.
You’re not the main jerk here. That’s clearly him, but he didn’t make the post. It’s much worse to come into your vegetarian partner’s house overly wasted and berate them about how much you want a steak.
That is the worse thing. But, if you don’t want to make him a steak, you’re going to have a more productive time if you don’t pretend to make him a steak while actually preparing him food you know he will be unhappy with.
That’s why I’m saying you didn’t necessarily do the wrong thing. It’s possible what you did was the only thing you could have done to get him to shut up and leave. This may be controversial, but I don’t think that makes you less of a jerk, it only gives you a good reason to be a jerk.
So, I think everyone sucks, but your jerkery was justified and he clearly was not.” Alternative_Stay_202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally agreed with your partner that you wouldn’t make a big deal about him not being a vegetarian but you’d also not cook meat for him and he could do it himself.
The fact that he got wasted and demanded you cook him a steak in your own home and then got so mad that he yelled at you is a huge red flag.
People who act like jerks when wasted are not ‘alright,’ and I hope he doesn’t try to minimize what he did later by blaming it on him being wasted because that’s a whole different red flag, especially if he tries to make it seem like you’re overreacting.
And this is without going into how he’s attempting to manipulate you right off the bat by calling you to apologize and crying about it. Another red flag.
Really re-think your relationship because, though this is just one story you’re telling us and for all we know it’s a really unusual instance of him acting totally unlike himself, everything you shared about his behavior matches the classic behavior of abusive partners.” Tough_Stretch
2. AITJ For Selling My Ex's Family Heirloom?
“I (27F) was supposed to get married to my ex-fiance ‘Mason’ (29M) on the 20th of this month. But last week a mutual friend caught him having an affair with his ex ‘Kim’ so I called it off.
Because it’s so close to our wedding date, I had already booked everything like the venue, catering, and everything else. I barely managed to get any amount back as it’s mostly non-refundable so in total, I’ve lost $20,000.
Last year I took out a loan to cover the costs of the wedding, the longer I take to repay it the more interest it gets. When we first got engaged, Mason agreed to share our finances together, meaning had we got married I would’ve been able to pay it off.
This was supposed to be in our prenup but because we didn’t get married, it meant he no longer had to share finances.
I asked him if he was still willing to help and told him that I will go into debt if he doesn’t as I can’t repay it alone.
He told me ‘It isn’t my problem you took out a loan you can’t pay back’ and stopped responding after that. When we got engaged, Mason proposed to me with a family heirloom ring belonging to his great-grandmother that was worth $25,000.
When we canceled the wedding, he told me he wanted the ring back but we never got around to arranging a time he could pick it up.
Because I don’t want to go into debt, I told him that if he didn’t agree to help pay it off (I wanted a lawyer involved) that I would sell the ring.
He didn’t reply and ignored the messages however after talking to a mutual friend (Jake) I found out he had actually read the messages and told everyone he didn’t care because I ‘wouldn’t do it’.
I asked Jake to tell Mason that if I don’t get a message from him in the next 24 hours I would sell the ring.
Jake told me he again said he didn’t care and didn’t think I would do it.
So the next day I sold the ring to an online website and messaged Mason to tell him it had been done and told him he shouldn’t have underestimated me. He started cursing me out, saying I didn’t scare him and that he would be around for the ring later.
True to his word, he came to my house demanding the ring and I told him I sold it already and showed him the proof.
He blew up at me, saying I was a petty witch and that I shouldn’t have sold it because it wasn’t just a ring, it was an heirloom that meant a lot to his family.
A lot of my family members think I overreacted and shouldn’t have gone to extreme measures as it will be hard for him to get the ring back if he even can at all.
AITJ for selling his great-grandmother’s ring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but legally you probably aren’t in the clear. This isn’t what you’re asking but you really, really should consult a lawyer about this because he probably has a strong lawsuit against you (depending on the jurisdiction of course).
Generally, heirlooms are exempt from the usual engagement ring rules (which is another complicated topic and varies greatly by jurisdiction.) Heirlooms are considered property of the family and lent to the fiancée/wife, and must be returned thereafter (even in the case of the death of the husband.)
You are hugely liable if he or his family wants to sue. You should have gone to small claims or even just gone to his parents and demanded the funds. Obviously, you are not the jerk here and he is, and I totally sympathize with your situation, but you could be liable for much more than your $20k loan if this goes south.” the_orig_princess
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here…
He’s the jerk for being unfaithful… 1000% and then not getting back to you. That’s for sure. He should have talked to you and made some deal over paying back some of the funds.
I will agree with others who said this: you don’t go into debt for a PARTY. NOT $20k+ worth. It doesn’t obviously make for a better marriage. It just makes people financially irresponsible and poor.
Having to pay the loans yourself is NOT right 100%, but why not take the $$ you did get back to cover his portion the first few months until it was settled? Your portion you already budgeted to pay back so that wasn’t/shouldn’t be a shock.
Just covering HIS half is the issue. You weren’t going to be instantly in debt. There was time to settle this. And that’s where you lose me and get YTJ too. The FAMILY heirloom ring.
Play around all you want with a ring he bought to get your money. Justified. But Morally… NO, You DON’T sell off someone’s family heirloom. Gosh. That’s just not right. His GREAT grandmother’s wedding ring is now with some stranger and I’m sad you’d think that’s okay.
His family didn’t betray you. Did you try calling his parents? Mom? Siblings? Ask them to get him to take responsibility so that you aren’t left in the lurch for the whole cost. The loan wasn’t due immediately in full.
They should be and likely are livid at his actions but that RING was not yours to sell… Morally and maybe likely not even legally.
Legally speaking… He asked for the ring back, so you were informed that it was to be returned. You demanding repayment or you’d sell the ring can be viewed as holding the ring hostage for repayment or blackmail.
In a LOT of states, engagement rings are not kept if the wedding doesn’t happen. With family heirlooms, it can be a bit different. From my experience, Heirlooms are never actually ‘given’ to a person.
They’re only loaned. It’s yours yes, but to wear while married in that family and your duty to care for it. It’s only trusted to you to keep until it was passed down to your kids in the same family line.
I wouldn’t be shocked if the family files a lawsuit and demands the ring be returned from the buyer to them. Poor buyer will be screwed. Keep the info.” StitchyGirl
Another User Comments:
“Too many people are getting caught up in the minutiae of what the ex-fiancé did.
YTJ and I can’t believe anyone would say otherwise. You sold something that wasn’t yours. The other circumstances do not matter. What the ex did or did not do doesn’t matter. You made the choice to go into debt and you made a choice to sell something that wasn’t yours.
That ring has sentimental value for that family that far surpasses any monetary figure. Did you make any effort at all to contact anyone else in the ex-family to return their property or did you just up and sell it after minimal effort because of hurt feelings?
At the end of the day, the ex-fiancé sucks for what he did but YTJ for selling something that wasn’t yours.” milehighrukus
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Him for obvious reasons, everything.
You for taking out a loan you could not afford to pay for on your own.
Never take out a loan unless you can cover it by yourself, personal finance 101. Also, that ring was never yours, at least not until you signed the certificate, it belongs to his family. And if you wanted to avoid debt, you should not have sold the ring, not only will you have 20k from the wedding you called off, justifiably.
But also potentially for the value of the ring, legal fees, and potentially more if it goes to trial. 25k is generally out of the range of small claims for most states, and if he doesn’t pursue you for it, his mother or father most definitely could.
What you should have done is returned the ring to whichever parent it was passed down to, and file in small claims for the 10k he would owe you. Instead, you did something that you knew would hurt him and his family out of spite making you a jerk as well.” SysError404
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Unfaithful Dad Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“We are Egyptian and my mom and dad both spent at least part of their childhood in Egypt. My dad was raised to believe that you marry a woman who will make a good mom and who fits some social requirements, and you can sleep with anyone you want on the side.
I get that is something he was raised with, but he was in the US at the time of his marriage and wasn’t totally unaware of how most people view marriage.
He married my mom because she was very nurturing and he knew she would make a great mom, but he had lady friends on the side throughout their marriage.
When I was 12 he met ‘Anna’ at a party and he literally had my mom take the car and talked to her for 8 hours. She became his best friend which was greatly upsetting to my mom.
My dad and Anna definitely had an emotional affair, which became physical at some point. From 12-18, she was always around, hanging on him, making inappropriate jokes in front of my mom, and sleeping over at our house sometimes when she fought with her husband (Anna comes from a similar culture and married for money/status).
Needless to say, I hate Anna.
When I (the youngest child) left for college, he divorced my mom and immediately proposed to Anna. My mom has never gotten over this. She has zero idea how to move on and hates him to the point she hardly wants to be in the same room as him.
I’m getting married soon and decided to have my mom walk me down the aisle. When I told my dad he was clearly upset and ended our visit abruptly. Anna sent me a long long message about how I’m a privileged white girl and I have no idea what it was like growing up in the middle east and the things that shaped my dad, and that I am hurting him with my ignorance and righteousness.
She said she hates that he is still paying for my wedding because I don’t deserve a thing.
At this point, I want to uninvite Anna but probably won’t, but AITJ for not having my dad walk me down the aisle.
I love him. He was a great dad, but I feel that actions have consequences, and my mom is more deserving.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Firstly, the idea that your father should always be the one to walk you down the aisle is super outdated and traditional. You should be able to choose anyone who makes you feel safe, loved, and nurtured.
Even if marriage culture is different from where your parents and Anna come from, clearly this situation still isn’t okay in their culture if your mother is so deeply hurt by this all. Your father has done something wrong and he needs to face up to that.
Anna is definitely a jerk for being a home wrecker and then attacking you for having your mother walk you down the aisle. She doesn’t deserve any input on the situation so I don’t know why she messaged you about it in the first place – it doesn’t involve her really.
I’m sorry all this happened.” Loud-Dimension-6892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is not Anna’s business. If you want to answer her, tell her that. While I get all that cultural stuff, she did not have to come to your home and hurt your mom.
She did not have to make fun of your mom who did nothing wrong except respect a culture that was having no respect for her. And how are you a ‘white girl’, having the cultural background you do?
She can feel sorry for your poor dad for growing up the way he did, but she can’t feel sorry for your mom who obviously had it much harder due to the existing misogyny in Middle East societies?
I would not uninvite her, because of reasons, but tell your dad to have her back out. It’s none of her business, really.
And if he does not want to pay for your wedding if you don’t do what Anna wants – that’s on him.” redsoxx1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding day, your choice.
However, I’d reconsider your stance on your dad in general since you say he was a great dad and mistakes shouldn’t erase that.
Everyone gets to make choices, and your dad chose to be unfaithful and your mom also chose to stay. She is also choosing to stay bitter and not move on. Your dad is choosing happiness with Anna, and that’s also okay.
If I were you I’d try to let go of the past, hope your mom can as well, and everyone can move on and find contentment.” Gryffindor85
