People Take A Moment Of Self-Reflection To Ask "Am I The Jerk?"
18. AITJ For Blasting My Sister On Social Media After She Made Fun Of My Kids' Names?
Some things are better left off social media.
“My sister and I have always kinda been opposites in a lot of ways. She was closer to our dad while I was closer to our mom and we are more like the parent we are closer to.
Sometimes it led to some friction. She used to say mom and I had a weird obsession with being different. Which for her came because my mom gave me an unusual name which I loved and because she and I were hugely into horror and video games, which to her is teenage guy stuff.
My sister has one child so far and I have two. She and I hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in 3 years but recently saw each other again at our parents’ house, for our dad’s birthday.
There she heard my kids’ names for the first time and said they were weird and why did I do that to my kids. I told her she had some nerve to insult my kids’ names.
She told me she was trying to “save them.” After the party, she sent me a list of “normal names” that she wanted me to choose instead and have the kids’ names changed legally.
I told her I was not interested and to drop the subject. She proceeded to send message after message with insult, saying my kids were doomed, saying they would hate me, that they sounded like dumb hippies who would be bullied, rightly so, and that nature names are a dumb thing.
That Rose and Lily are the kinds of nature names people should consider. Not my kids’ names.
My daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context.
I went to go block her and then saw her claim that I wanted my kids to suffer and she would laugh when they were tormented and turned out to hate me.
So I took screenshots of it all and blasted it on social media because I felt she crossed a line and that she had some sick mindset if having a different naming style than her would make her enjoy seeing my kids hate me because they are bullied. The post never went viral, but those who know us did see it and did call out my sister for it.
My sister flipped out on me and said I was a huge jerk and why would I publicly shame her like that. I told her she deserved it. She said I crossed a line.
I don’t normally do something like this. At all. So I have to ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s behavior is way beyond a typical irritating sibling. That sounds like some long-simmering mental health issue of some kind.
I would block or mute her on all your social media channels and just disengage. Don’t respond, don’t argue, just drop the rope. Tell your parents you need to schedule your visits home so you won’t run into her.
Don’t make a big public fuss about it, just quietly tell them that it won’t be possible for you to stop by when she’s there.
I don’t know what’s actually up with her but read up on coping methods for working with narcissists and borderline personality disorders – the methods for dealing work well for generally difficult people.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have a hippie unusual “strange” name. MISSPELLED, MISPRONOUNCED to the point of embarrassment for all parties involved. I don’t HATE my mom for it she couldn’t have known that it would take a MUCH bolder personality than what I was born with, to withstand being shunned because mistaking my name made other people uncomfortable.
I named my daughter, who was captain of every team, she was homecoming queen, and was prom queen, a nice “cute” yet gender-neutral name – Jaimee.
Don’t waste your time coming for me; your sarcasm or conflicting opinion WON’T change what I lived through.” ConfidenceBig3462
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sister for being a jerk. You for taking your drama public and trying to involve people it DIDN’T involve.
You both are acting like children.
It shoulda been left like, “Thanks, but I’m not changing my kids’ names; this is the last I will talk about it” and then met with not responding to her if it kept going.
As much as she didn’t drop the subject, you didn’t either. There was no need to make the situation worse.” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Names like Wren and River are quite common these days.
I can’t walk past a park without hearing at least three moms calling for children named these names.
So. Either your names are super out there, like Monsoon and Shoebill, or your sister is a colossal stick-in-the-mud busybody.
Either way, you are free to name your kids what you like.” Rundoges42
17. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Husband For Hiding My Son's Motorcycle?
“I got my son a 7k motorcycle for his 18th birthday this past June. My son is obsessed with automobiles and loves motorcycles.
In his room, he has plenty of models and posters of motorcycles of all types. His bio dad passed away when he was just 12, now I’m married to my current husband and he has kids of his own.
My husband has always been against my son’s interest in motorcycles. He thinks I’m encouraging him to be reckless, distracting him from school and by extension his future, and spoiling him and blowing 7k on his motorcycle.
This caused some tension between him and my son, so I told him to stop complaining about it.
Around 2 weeks ago, my son’s motorcycle went missing. We opened a police report, but nothing came out of it.
It just disappeared. My husband had a smirk on his face the entire time just walking around saying, “I told you so! You just wasted your savings!” This was unbearable to hear to be quite honest.
My mother-in-law visited a few days ago. She was talking about the other house my husband owns and mentioned seeing a motorcycle, one that’s similar to the one that we lost in my husband’s garage while she was cleaning it (she goes to clean that house weekly even though it’s empty, my husband plans on giving it to his kids as inheritance).
I was puzzled I asked if she was certain, but she showed me a photo she took of it which confirmed that it was indeed my son’s motorcycle. I immediately rushed to call my husband and confront him about it.
He admitted that he took and hid the motorcycle in his garage as a last resort after his stepson and I kept brushing him and his thoughts off about the 7k being spent on something unnecessary and that could cause issues.
I blew up at him demanding he return it, but he refused and told me he had been considering selling it and paying me back for it, so “I could use it wisely this time.” I told him I was serious and that I’d call the police.
He literally said, “This is a family matter, and cops can’t do crap about it.” I had enough; I called the cops soon as I ended the call with him.
The motorcycle was found and returned, but my husband had to be taken in since there was an open file about the motorcycle going missing. He was let go eventually, but he was livid with me.
He came home yelling about how awful what I did was and how crazy my behavior was. I refused to engage in the argument but he told his entire family about it and they judged me for calling the police on my own husband even though I already asked him to return it.
He said he was just looking out for my son and that one day we’ll realize that he was right but only when it’s too late.
My son isn’t speaking to me or my husband.
I feel horrible about the whole situation and am starting to think I handled this the wrong way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The debate about whether a motorcycle is a good gift for an 18-year-old is irrelevant.
Completely. Red herring. Ignore any responses based on this.
Your husband stole an item and hid it, then allowed you to go to the police about it, smugly knowing they wouldn’t turn up anything, and lied to you either overtly or by omission about it.
When confronted, he doubled down. No remorse, no contrition.
You were right to call him out, you were right to involve the police when he threatened to sell it against your wishes, and my recommendation would be to begin divorce proceedings because this man does not have any respect for you whatsoever.
He’s already proven he will commit crimes and file false police reports in order to get his way.” Malkom1366
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not serving him divorce papers already; the fact that he had the gall to do what he did and behave the way he did about it tells me this isn’t the first time, and if you stay with him, I would bet my life that it won’t be the last time.” Thriillsy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What makes you think you might be the jerk in this situation? Leaving aside buying a motorcycle for an 18-year-old, that’s a separate argument. You know your son better than any of us do.
Is he apt to be reckless with it? If not, I’d rather him drive a motorcycle safely than a car recklessly. But as I said, that’s beside the point.
Your husband obviously disagrees with your decision.
As your husband, he has the right to disagree. But what he did after that is not disagreeing, it’s outright theft. Once you filed a police report, and he knowingly stood by while that happened, then he became a criminal. He stole an item worth 7k from your son.
That’s grand theft, a felony charge. And he’s admitted his guilt in the matter. Can you have the police reinstate the charges?
Your husband has shown an appalling lack of remorse for his behavior and seems to think he knows better than you what you should do with your finances.
That’s a major red flag for controlling behavior. Not only that, he’s driven a wedge between you and your son. Another red flag. How long have you two been married and how long has he tried to tell you what to do with your finances?
You need to ask yourself some questions about this relationship. Do you want a divorce? Probably not. Yet that might be the best solution for you unless your husband has a serious change in his outlook.” lonelysilverrain
16. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Make Accommodations For My Friend?
“My (34m) good friend (27m) is on the spectrum. He’s verbal and can read social cues decently well. The only “tells” are his stims (he rocks almost constantly if he’s sitting still, a few verbal stims, etc.) and his aversion to a few sensory-related things.
It’s not something he shares with a lot of people. He got a diagnosis later in life since his parents just thought he was a weird kid while he was growing up.
Him confiding in me about this didn’t change anything between us, but some of the stories he shared broke my heart a little and made me feel more protective of him.
Due to the AC going out in his apartment and not being able to be fixed for a few days, he came to stay with my wife and me. He can’t sleep unless it’s on silk sheets, so I ran out and bought some the day he asked to sleep over.
I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible – sensory issues aren’t simple requests, they’re genuine needs. My wife was already a little annoyed by that and pointed out I hadn’t done that for any of our other guests.
Then halfway through his second day with us, he pulled me aside and asked me to fix whatever smell was going on in the house, that it was hurting his head and really bothering him.
After some investigation on our part, we figured out it was the perfume my wife was wearing. I politely asked my wife if she would go get changed/shower so that my friend could enjoy dinner with us.
She not only refused, but she tried kicking my friend out for being high maintenance. I put an end to that quickly.
I realize she’s not clued in on his needs, but he is a guest in our home all the same.
His diagnosis is his to share, and his alone. I have refused to budge on any of the issues. According to an email he got, the AC in the building should be back up and running again tomorrow.
My wife booked a hotel for the night and is insisting that one of them – either herself or my friend – go and stay there for the night. My friend is clearly distraught over this and I just can’t send him off on his own when he’s clearly upset after all that’s happened.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are walking all over your wife. Did you even ask her if she’s okay with your friend staying? Or did you decide for her?
And demanding her to shower is just plain hurtful.
Your wife and your kids (if you have any) should always come first.
Your friend is an entitled jerk as well.
Instead of being grateful, he is being insufferable. The world doesn’t and will not bend over just because one has sensory issues. Sometimes you just have to******* up. And that is coming from someone prone to severe sensory overstimulation plus easily triggered PTSD.
If you want to save your marriage apologize to your wife. If not go build your friend an art room.” nottheblackhat
Another User Comments:
“I’m autistic and YTJ. I’d never stand for this kind of behavior from my husband.
Silk sheets are a hefty investment. How many fancy sheets have you invested in for your wife? How often do you go out and buy extravagantly nice things for her at all?
Guests with this level of sensory needs should come from their own homes prepared.
As far as her perfume goes, the answer to your friend is “sorry, I’m empathetic to your sensory issues but that’s my wife’s perfume and I can’t make her uncomfortable in her own home.” You could then discuss options with him, but asking your wife to bend more for your guest isn’t a valid option, especially not if you won’t even tell her what the issue is.
Your behavior toward this friend is very strange. It’s not normal to go so far out of the way that you end up asking your wife to give up all authority and control in her own home to keep a friend from experiencing any temporary discomfort.
What’s really going on?” aLauraPalmerType
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going above and beyond for your friends. But YTJ for not letting your wife in on this. I think you should have communicated with both of them a little better to avoid issues.
I’m willing to bet your wife wouldn’t have been so “mean” if she knew what your buddy goes through. Otherwise, I don’t blame her for thinking you’re babying him.” Final-Sky-2757
Second so the AC went out, it happens, he can buy a fan or go to a hotel.
Your friend is an entitled AH, being autistic doesn't give him a free pass in life. My husband is autistic & he doesn't make it everyone else's problem.
15. WIBTJ If I Pay My Son For Working For Me, Even Though My Wife Thinks Otherwise?
”I 35m and my wife 36f have a huge disagreement and it’s causing issues. So we own our own exterior remodeling company. My son 15m has been working off and on for me for the past few years and it’s honestly a dream come true for me.
I would love nothing more than for my kids to want to join me in running the family business.
However, my wife grew up on a farm where her dad farmed and all the kids helped out in whatever way that was needed. They never got paid any kind of wage, that was just an expectation for being a part of the family.
Which believe me, I get. Kids should contribute, it teaches so many life lessons, such as hard work, sacrificing for others, and being part of a unit.
And when my son helps me with what I call “nonbillable items” he doesn’t get paid.
Such things could be sweeping the shop, organizing files, helping me with estimates, and whatnot. Things that need to be done, but things that I can’t bill a client for.
The issues come when he does work that I can bill for. At his age I usually just have him help me hang gutters, and he’s to the point now where he can do leaf guard installs by himself and do a really good job.
This kind of work, I can bill the client for this once the work is done. So I, therefore, am making a profit off of my son’s labor. It’s this scenario I feel morally obligated to pay him a wage.
Usually 15 dollars an hour. So great pay for a 15-year-old but not as much as I could pay him. Leaf guard installs are very profitable. (anyone looking for a side hustle check it out, super easy and you can make a lot).
Anyway every time I pay him my wife gets really mad at me. And I love my wife and want to respect her opinion on the matter but the only way I can keep the peace is to just not have my son help me.
Which is bullcrap, so in an attempt to compromise the last time my son worked for me I just had him pick out some things he wanted. He picked some shoes and new clothes for school.
This also upset my wife, claiming that it’s the same thing as paying him a wage.
At his point, I might just overrule her opinion on the matter and allow my son to work for me and pay him a wage if I want to.
WIBTJ if I do this? I want to accommodate my wife but I think it’s so ridiculous not allowing me to pay our son for his labor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course.
What your son is doing is beyond everyday chores, and paying him also shows that you have respect for his work. It’s a good lesson.
I can’t entirely fault your wife for her opinion, as it’s how she and many, many others grew up.
In today’s world, however, that thinking is outmoded. There are far better real-world positives for him by learning about working for his pay. It’s healthy.
As long as he is good at contributing to the family in other ways, it’s all good.
Make a list of reasons why this is a good thing for your family, sit down with your wife, and have a talk. In the end, she’d probably rather you pay your son than pay a stranger.” sunrise_library
Another User Comments:
“Making your kids do free work at your business – billable job or not – just teaches them that it’s ok to exploit family for free labor.
You want work done at YOUR business? Freaking pay for it to be done, or do it yourself.
Your son sweeps the shop floor? Pay him. He takes out the trash at the office?
Pay him. Unless you think people who do that kind of work don’t deserve to be paid. Is that it? It’s only worth paying for if you consider it “real” work?
You want to teach your kids responsibility, being part of a team, the value of hard work, and getting things done? THEN SHOW THEM WHY THE REST OF US DO THOSE THINGS.
P A Y. You jerk. Just because you and your wife were treated badly and exploited for free labor so that your parents could avoid taxes and paying for things, that’s no reason for you to do it.
Teach your kids that if you do a good job, even sweeping and taking out the trash, you get PAID. With pay that you can use however you want. Pay that can be saved for something big like a car, earnings that can be used to hang out with friends.
Earnings that run out after time. A finite resource that must be budgeted, planned for, saved, invested, and used wisely.
I learned hard work by doing odd jobs for people who paid me.
I learned teamwork by getting friends to join me in the work so it would go faster and we’d be able to do more work to get paid more INCOME.
I learned budgeting using my INCOME. I learned to invest and save using the pay that I earned.
The first thing I’d tell your son is to not do crap for a business that doesn’t pay you for it.
The second thing I’d tell him is to shop around his labor and availability, because somebody will PAY him to sweep and take out the trash, and they won’t give you a nonsense line about doing it “for the family.”
YTJ, and so is your wife.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m not a farmer, but my understanding is that since it usually involves living creatures and things, one can’t just…
take a vacation/slack off. So everyone on the farm HAS to pitch in, in any way they can.
Home remodeling? Totally not the same. You don’t need your son to work for you to keep your house/business running.
It’s just a nice benefit. And like others pointed out, if you don’t pay him, why wouldn’t he go work for someone who would? Your wife can’t complain about him getting a salary then.
Get him started with wages, social security taxes, and an IRA. Can’t start too soon with retirement!” DameofDames
14. AITJ For Lying To My Parents About The Start Time Of My Wedding, So They Wouldn't Be Late?
“My (M33) parents are late for everything. Like everything.
Both my sisters and myself have been disappointed so many times.
Graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father’s retirement dinner. It is completely my mother’s fault. She is a wonderful mother and I love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality.
I have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister’s dance recital. She waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced.
We are all used to it. My dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything.
My now wife (F28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me.
She was only half joking. But she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin’s quinceañera.
So here is what I did. It is completely on me.
My wife was not involved. If there is a jerk move, it was completely mine.
When we were getting samples for the wedding I talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony.
My mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my MIL lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff.
When she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it.
The ceremony went off beautifully.
And so did the wedding pictures and the reception.
The problem came last Sunday. My parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn’t bother starting the grill until they showed up.
She asked why everyone wasn’t eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late.
She said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding.
She hadn’t been. They arrived 45 minutes AFTER the time on their invitation.
My idiot cousin John, real name because it’s common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement.
A few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny.
I came clean and told her about the “special” invitation.
She is livid at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone.
If my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally it would have been a jerk move, but your mom has a clear and obvious history of being late and missing things of importance.
What if you put the correct time on the invitation? Your mom would have been 45 minutes late to the wedding. The wedding was too big of a function in importance to risk your mom being late.
There is an E-S-H element here for everyone putting up with the lateness for all of these years, but your mom is the biggest for not placing any importance on other people’s time and thus being very rude by being late.” CapsFan1066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was IN THE WEDDING, she’s chronically late, and you did what you had to do to make sure she showed up on time to do her part.
If you hadn’t done what you did it would have disrespected you, your new spouse, and all of your other guests. Pushing back the time by a full hour (giving her 15 minutes to collect herself after being 45 mins late) could also have caused trouble with the officiant, the venue, the reception, etc. If she wants to be trusted she needs to be trustworthy.
And she hasn’t been.” RainyDaywithTea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t understand why everyone is catering to someone who is consistently VERY late for everything. You have a time to light the grill, then light the darned grill, why should everyone sit around hungry because ONE person is inconsiderate?
She shows up after everyone has eaten, show Mom where the leftover food is stored. She is late for a dinner, dance, movie, whatever…proceed without her. She has trained all of you that she is the most important person ever.
Now I do understand about the wedding, even tho I am gritting my teeth about that, lol. But WHY does everyone think her time is more important than their own?
I was months-married (he was not late in 2 years before marriage) and he made us late for my nephew’s wedding vows. That was IT. Never again. He wasn’t ready? I left on time, told everyone “He’s late, so I told him to not show up.” Not ready for Christmas at my parents’ house?
Tough noogies, I enjoyed Christmas Day and didn’t bring home his Christmas gifts. “If you are going to be late, don’t bother showing up” and I meant it. My husband caught on fast and after only a few incidents of being left out (and banned from showing up late), he’s been on time or even early for the past 37 years, lol.
EDIT: I mean he made us late within the 10 months of marriage (weddings, doctor appts, getting to work, holidays, dinners with others, vacation departure times). AFTER THE FIRST 10 MONTHS, is when I told him NO MORE of making me late.
I did not mean I was that harsh over the course of 37 years.” NICKALA
13. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Get Rid Of Her Dog?
“My (M45) daughter (F16) has a dog that she bought a couple of months ago.
Her mother and I said she could get one as long as she took care of him, paid for everything he needed, and spent time with him. She held up her end of the bargain for a while and everything was working out the way it was supposed to.
She potty trained him, took him on plenty of walks, paid for his vet bills and food, the whole nine yards. However, after a couple of months, she got busier at school and work.
She is a sophomore in high school and works part-time at a fast-food chain. She works about 25-30 hours a week and spends at least two hours on homework every night.
Even though her dog never went to the bathroom in the house and seemed okay, I felt bad for him since she wasn’t home as much as she used to be.
I talked to her about it at first, telling her that he needed more attention. I’ve raised countless dogs in my life and I know what is needed for a healthy, obedient dog.
I was also worried she wouldn’t be his alpha which is absolutely necessary if she expected to take him with her when she moved out.
Things got better for a bit until the summer came and they were giving her more hours at work.
Enough was enough and I put my foot down, insisting she give him up since she couldn’t be bothered to make more time for him. She argued with me for a long time about it, eventually giving in and finding him a new owner.
She goes straight to her room after work and refuses to talk to me. My wife is upset but hasn’t really picked a side. So, am I the jerk for making my daughter give her dog a new home?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ majorly.
Your daughter did everything for the dog but just got a little busy with school and work. You should’ve stepped up and helped her.
Have you no empathy?! This girl works 25-30 hours a week, with homework and school, and you couldn’t find time to help her with the dog?
I want you to realize how neglectful you are being.
You literally, in other comments, claim your 16-year-old child was working to pay for equipment for the dog, school supplies, and clothes. She shouldn’t have to work for that.
She isn’t in her early twenties..she is a child. You should be providing that for her. She should be able to be at home and play with her friends and her dog.
She should be able to have a life.
I hope you realize that you set up a lose-lose situation for her. She has to work to pay for the dog, but there are only so many hours in the day.
I feel so sorry for your daughter. At 16 she shouldn’t be having to work to pay for her necessities. She is a CHILD. A CHILD.” Medium-Audience5078
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your 16-year-old is old enough to fully pay for the dog and its needs, then she’s old enough to decide what to do with the dog. End of story.
You don’t get to do both: make her take complete financial responsibility for it, the way an adult dog owner would, but then make decisions about what she does with the dog she bought, like you would do for a child that has a family pet.
You just don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.” LadyKlepsydra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not teaching her to be responsible or independent. You’re teaching her that come her 18th birthday, she’s getting the heck out of Dodge City and not coming back.
Work and school together make for what…a 70-hour work week for half the year minimum. That’s if there are no extras such as sports. Then add the dog. Plus the worries about providing her own clothes and supplies.
If I were a betting man, I would say all you really provide is a roof and food. I bet she buys any and all toiletries and hygiene products for herself as well.
Plus gas for whatever she’s driving. Maybe even her own phone and phone bill. So on what is essentially a single income, she’s providing for roughly 70-80% of her own life on top of that of the dog.
By your own admission, the dog was doing fine. So, you just weren’t happy.
Are you sure your wife hasn’t voiced her opinion and that you just didn’t bother to hear her?
Oh, oh, I bet your favorite line as a dad is something along “because I’m the parent” or “what I say goes”
Yeah, YTJ, and it’s pretty telling that I only saw one comment really say otherwise and they seemed to be changing their tune in the thread.
You owe her an apology and her dog back. Since you probably can’t actually get the dog back, you owe her a major apology, a lot of space, and an understanding that she probably does not give two craps about you right now.” JimmyJakeAnders
12. AITJ For Letting My Son Wear A Girl's Bathing Suit?
“Given school is starting back up soon for most kids, I’d figure I’d take my son to the beach one last time before the Summer ends.
He’s mine from a previous marriage with my current partner being the subject of opposition. She’s not a bad person nor would I say she’s antagonistic to my son, the two actually get along very well.
My son, who’ll call Liam for privacy reasons, is 8 and not too concerned with what he wears so long as he thinks it looks cool so anything with dinosaurs is a win in his book.
He didn’t have a swimsuit so we went out shopping for one to get him. Pretty much just pick out whatever you think looks good. After maybe a half hour of us looking, he excitedly shows me a one-piece girl’s swimsuit saying this one he wants.
Now of course I double-check with him with a pretty simple exchange.
“This the one you want, bud?”
Liam nods.
“You sure?”
Liam nods again.
We buy the swimsuit and stop for ice cream on the way back so it was an overall good day!
Once back, my girl asks to see the swimsuit we got with her smile turning to a disgusted scowl seeing Liam in a girl’s one-piece. She demands Liam take it off and asks to see me in the kitchen and the following exchange occurs.
“Why would you buy him that?!”
“What’s the problem? It’s the one he liked.”
“It’s made for girls. What does it say about you that you’d let him wear it?”
“It’s just a swimsuit. What’s so bad about it?”
Cue this back and forth going on for what feels like an eternity until I just excuse myself. I see Liam in his room and tell him that we can go back and get him some swim trunks if he likes.
He says he likes the one-piece and wants to keep it. And we are now a few hours later with my partner refusing to talk to me about it and making passive-aggressive jabs at the swimsuit when she can.
Clothes are clothes, doesn’t matter who’s wearing them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, clothes don’t need a gender.
Child psychologists and experts in childhood development agree that allowing children to make certain decisions about what they want to wear, what colors they like, what animals they like, etc., is healthier for development in that it helps them make strong decisions, be confident in their choices, and it likely helps in their confidence and happiness and decision-making skills as adults.
I’ve seen over a dozen Ted Talks describing these exact situations.
Forcing your child into a box does not help them grow to think outside of it. You’re a good parent.
It’s really good that you stood up for your son.” AnthropOctopus
Another User Comments:
“Info:
Have you talked to him about how other kids/people might comment on it/laugh at him OR do you know how to handle it if it happens?
Because it’s one thing to say “he can wear what he wants and clothes aren’t gendered” and it’s another for an 8-year-old to be laughed at/bullied because many people, especially kids, don’t see it that way.
And I’m not saying bullying is ok or justified but it is the reality.” gdddg
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk if… you decided to go with it, thinking something along the lines of “He’ll notice soon enough that is the wrong kind of thing to wear, and I am okay with this being a hard lesson for him”.
You write of nothing like that, but I’ve made the experience that some people make “This could technically be my argument” arguments that they then sell as their genuine arguments.
I do not think that this is the case here, but sadly I cannot rule it out. The “disingenuous argument” here would be that “clothes are clothes.”
I think it’s society/certain and very, very common members of it that is/are the jerk here.
Because willingly or not, knowingly or not, you’re setting your son up for being ridiculed, harassed, or worse. The likelihood of something happening is just too high, in my opinion.
Even just a simple, not at all hostile question directed at your son could be very, very hurtful.
I think it’s cool/okay (both, actually) that your son wants to wear that one piece.
I get why some boys would want to wear it. (And I also know that there were times when men – and I strongly assume also boys – wore things for bathing that are basically one-piece bathing suits like the ones women wear these days.)
What I also wonder is if the bathing suit covers up as much as some normal version of swimming trunks for boys would. I don’t even know if “swimming trunks” is the right word here.
What I am talking about are speedo-type thingies. I am wondering that because your girl might have an issue with the one-piece bathing suit not covering up your son’s privates sufficiently.
That she worries about him wearing something inappropriate that might cause him trouble.” AnotherShibboleth
Most girls one pieces are not made for a boys body.
At 8 years old, you might not understand how the differences affect the way the swimsuit would look, and the reaction from others because of that. You as the adult and parent should understand and recognize this.
It's ok to let your child know that some clothes are made for a specific body type because we are all special and unique. Let's look for ones that fit your body type.
11. AITJ For Asking Someone With An Invisible Disability To Change Seats?
“Myself (28M) and my partner (31F) were recently riding the underground. My partner is 8 months pregnant and looks heavily pregnant too, no one could mistake her for being any different.
She’s not particularly mobile either now and we’ve taken to riding the underground more, even for shorter journeys just to allow her to rest more frequently when we are out and about.
We jumped on the Circle Line today and it was a particularly busy service during the rush hour with people packed in tightly and standing throughout the aisle. On trips like this, I would look for one of the nearby priority seats reserved near the doors and would ask someone to vacate it to allow my partner to sit down.
On all occasions up until now, we have never had a problem; those who were sat in the seats could see my partner would struggle to stand on a busy train and will give up the seat without hesitation.
On this particular day, one of the seats is occupied by an elderly gentleman with a walking stick (probably mid-80s) and one by a younger man (probably mid-20s).
I make what I think is my best judgment call and ask the younger man if he would give up the seat for my partner. He replies that he has autism and that his disability allows him to use a priority seat too.
I do understand that people have less visible disabilities and that under normal circumstances, he should be allowed to use the priority seat. However, I also felt that despite this, it wasn’t a physical impairment and he was more capable of standing than my partner who had been stood up for a long time and really needed to rest at this point.
When I tried to explain this to him, he became very defensive and called me a jerk for not appreciating his needs too.
Eventually, others began to overhear what was being said, and someone else voluntarily offered up a ‘normal’ seat.
But the experience left me wondering if I was a jerk for insisting this person needed a priority seat less than my girl. So, am I a jerk for asking someone with an invisible/non-physical disability to vacate a priority seat for my heavily pregnant partner?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. You should have left it alone after that young man said he was disabled and needed the seat.
Autism can be comorbid (occur together with) sensory, anxiety, and/or motor function issues that might make it difficult or overwhelming to be in crowded spaces or stand in a moving vehicle.
It’s very possible that this young man might have had trouble standing up on a moving train, that he could be easily overwhelmed and suffer panic attacks from unwanted physical contact and crowded conditions, or both.
Not everyone with autism spectrum disorder has these issues but a lot of people do and yeah, if they do, they need a seat on the bus or the train.
Next time just do what I did when I was pregnant: move on to people in the regular seats and ask if they will let your girl sit down.” HanaBothWays
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is autistic, ESH.
I would not have argued with him personally, but I would have made a polite point about your wife’s health issues.
From that point, it’s up to him if he wants to “be the better person” so to speak. NTJ for just asking in the first place.
I’ve gladly given up my normal seat to someone who needs it, and I will only sit in disability seating if there are absolutely no seats available.
I feel it’s unfair for me personally to take a seat when I don’t have severe mobility issues that would require it. However many people have different needs, and you can’t judge all of us as the same.
Some autistic people may truly need the seat, due to sensory issues, etc. which is totally fine, and some may just not have social education in things like empathy and weighing situations, etc. It’s an entire spectrum!
It’s important to not judge them negatively for it, as they may genuinely not understand placing people above themselves. I was self-centered when I was young and due to my autism; I really didn’t place much importance on or understand others’ needs compared to my own – I always came first in my mind.
I was in a program when I was young that really helped us understand that others around us also have needs and boundaries, and how to respect them while not making ourselves uncomfortable.” Coffee_In_Nebula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those saying pregnancy isn’t a disability? I mean it literally raises your heart rate, produces hormones that relax your ligaments which in turn cause pain, lowers your iron, and can give you extreme nausea/sickness, amongst many other things which actually make anything physical difficult.
My pregnancies have been more disabling than my additional needs. He should have moved.” Tasty_Acanthisitta_1
10. AITJ For Refusing To Have A Double Wedding To Accommodate My Grandparents?
Everyone deserves their big day to be their big day.
“I (29F) and my fiancé (29M) decided to get married.
We already informed our family on both sides that our wedding will be next year in July (2023). We received a lot of support and they are happy about the upcoming wedding.
Now here comes the problem, yesterday my grandmother on my father’s side had a stroke and she was rushed to the hospital and was placed in ICU. She is in critical condition.
My dad’s sister contacted us and told us what happened. Of course, we are so worried and offered financial assistance as we cannot be there since we are living in the city and my grandparents reside in the province.
My relatives created a group chat to give updates about my grandmother’s condition.
Yesterday while I’m working (I’m working from home) my mother talked to me. They just finished discussing my grandmother’s condition via video call, and she told me we have a problem.
I asked her what’s wrong. She told me that it’s my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary next year (April 2023) and my aunt wants to celebrate the anniversary by renewing their parents’ vow.
So my grandparents will have their wedding in April. I was happy for them but my smile fades away on the next sentence my mom said, “They want you to move your wedding to April so you can get married together with your grandparents to save some of the expenses.” I was shocked!
I even don’t know how to react. I composed myself and told my mom. I’m sorry but I am only sharing that special day with my soon-to-be husband.
Only my HUSBAND. My mom completely agrees and told me she will do her best to convince my dad to talk to his siblings.
I don’t want a grand or an expensive wedding.
I just want it to be special for me and my soon-to-be husband only.
So AITJ for refusing to have a double wedding with my grandparents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t get angry and refuse.
Instead, you can be diplomatic about this situation and get out of it relatively unscathed. First, it sounds like your grandmother might not be able to leave the hospital anytime soon – is this right?
What’s her condition? If this is the case, a renewal of vows won’t happen.
Second, as this is your Aunt’s idea, you should bring this up with her and say that you’re glad to make a special tribute at your wedding but you can’t possibly move guests and planning to April although you’d “love to do it” (or something along those lines).
Say that you’d love to help plan and/or fund their renewal but after 60 years, you want their day to be about them and if your wedding were the same day, they wouldn’t get the special recognition they deserve.
Emphasize that the overlap of guests would actually be more costly, overall.
If your aunt won’t listen to reason, make sure your grandparents know you’re on top of making their anniversary special. However, with your grandmother in the hospital, are they even that keen on planning a renewal?
This would irritate me so much!! Good luck!!!” SnooHesitations9269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not to be cruel, but your grandmother is still in ICU from a stroke. Her prognosis is not known.
She might not be in any physical or mental condition in 9 months to renew her vows. If she recovers enough by April, her children and grandchildren should all pitch in to give them a lovely quiet party, but to combine it with a twenty-something wedding is not good for people in their 80s, and your aunt is crazy to consider it.
Tell your aunt that. Besides, you want your anniversary to be yours, not your grandparents’.” Malibucat48
9. AITJ For Telling My Ex's New Partner Not To Discipline My Child?
“I (36f) have a child Aaliyah (6f) with my ex Jacob (33). He has a new partner Regina (27f).
We just finalized a court order he requested AFTER meeting her and currently have complete 50/50 custody.
Regina has always been a little too involved and believes that since she “trains parents to parent” she knows everything.
Every time I ask Jacob for help with Aaliyah he comes with suggestions from Regina instead of workshopping things between the two of us. She has been overstepping for years.
Jacob & I are pretty much parallel parenting now and do everything separately including birthdays and even parent-teacher conferences (he brings Regina with him to his meetings).
Regina picks Aaliyah up from school every day because I don’t get off work in time and he did not want to pay for the after-school program since he did not need it during his time.
So of course he jumps at the opportunity to involve Regina. Well, I currently am trying to find a car because I lost mine so she ends up bringing Aaliyah to my home instead of our meeting point.
When she showed up with my daughter she was really quiet and looked sad. When I asked her what was wrong she wouldn’t tell me so I confronted Regina at her car who said she took away Aaliyah’s tablet and tv time because she refused to do her homework and kept her home from cheerleading practice until it was done so she missed it.
Aaliyah loves cheer and this was just cruel to me. It’s something she and Regina connect over and she got her all into this sport just to use it as a tool to control her?
To rip away when she feels like it? She’s 6 years old and that was not her place. I have told her before she was not allowed to discipline but she said if she is going to have Aaliyah in her care she will have to discipline her and since she does not yell or hit she doesn’t understand the problem.
I told her she is not a mom and should not be acting like one. She said this is why Aaliyah has behavior issues in MY care and left.
I called Jacob and demanded that Aaliyah be put in the after-school program and he refused, saying I was being ridiculous but the parenting plan says no cruel punishments AND that only the parents should lead most discipline.
If he’s doing what she says all the time how is he leading? Now she is refusing to bring her to my home and I have to Uber to the meeting point which is costing me loads.
AITJ? Is this something I could take them back to court about?
Edit to add that she keeps her for a couple of hours after school until I get off.
That’s how she had enough time to discipline her. Yes, there is a clause about meeting partners she’s been around a few years that’s not the issue.
She’s just too involved in parenting and has been for a while. I feel like there are certain boundaries that should be in place and certain things only parents should handle.
Like discipline and PT conferences etc. She claims she kept trying to get her to do her work, but she just refused, saying she wanted to play on her tablet instead.
She should’ve called me or her dad when this happened.
Cheerleading was Regina’s idea. She was a cheerleader and pushed for Aaliyah to join, Aaliyah fell in love with it and now I feel that Regina is using that to control Aaliyah.
“Do what I say or no cheer.” She’s 6. If she kept refusing to do her homework she should’ve called me to discuss a consequence. If she’s alone with Aaliyah during either parent’s time she needs to discuss with BOTH parents what the course of action should be for discipline.
She is not a teacher. She is not a professional we are paying for therefore guidelines need to be followed.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Regina “kept her home from cheerleading practice.” Looked at another way, Regina didn’t take her because that’s a parent’s job and no parent was there to do it.
Is it that you want Regina to only do the parental tasks that you approve?
You have to Uber to the meeting point. Is this meeting point part of a parenting agreement or court order?
Regardless it was something that was agreed upon. They’re holding you to the agreement and you want to take them to court?
You want to force your ex to pay for child care he doesn’t need, but you’re upset you now have to pay for transportation you actually need. They were accommodating your lack of a vehicle until you decided to act like a witch to Regina.
YTJ.” Silver-Geologist
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Regina is not Aaliyah’s parent and not doing homework is something that could have waited until post-drop-off to be handled by you. However, if you are going to rely on her to transport Aaliyah (that is if she’s going to have substantial one-on-one time with her), I think it’s unreasonable to expect she will NEVER have to discipline her.
Moreover, if Aaliyah gets wind of the fact that Regina’s not allowed to discipline, she could start taking advantage of that situation really quickly. For his part, your ex seems to have thrown a new girl into a stepmom role way too soon and is not listening to you about the after-school program.
You and Jacob need to have a meeting that is just the two of you and attempt to work these things out without court intervention. This is not worth going to court over if you can avoid it, it’s the type of thing that will only annoy a judge and potentially make them think you’re using the parenting plan as a means of interfering with Jacob’s love life.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While yes, it is out of line for the partner to discipline your child without checking first (emphasis on checking first, but I will get to that later).
That being said, your child outright refused to do her homework and was given a fair punishment for it. Later in life, if you don’t do your school work and your grades drop too low, you are actually kicked out of the sport/program.
Your child needs to learn that actions have consequences and that you can’t do the things in life that you like if you don’t do your work first. I think that you need to not be that soft on your child and take it easy on the partner.
I understand that she is with the person that helped make your child, and that is hard, but your child can’t just get away with everything while she is in your ex’s and his girl’s care.
I think that a good plan would be to set up a sort of group chat, where the new partner can discuss what your child did, and you can both agree on a suitable punishment.
Personally, and I could be misinterpreting this, it seems like you are making a mountain out of a molehill, possibly because you are trying to start a ploy to get full/more custody of your child.
Again, I could be misinterpreting it, but it seems like such a silly thing to have a freak out over.” Hullooo_People
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a partner, not even a stepmom.
You can get the court order adjusted so that she is not allowed to be making all these parenting decisions or take things from your daughter. This is ridiculous someone with no kids comes in and tries to tell you how to parent your own child.” Otherwise_Act2441
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Sick Mother-In-Law Daily?
“I (37F) married my husband (40M) almost 5 years ago, and we live in the same neighborhood with his 2 siblings and his mother. His father passed away not long after our wedding, so his mom lives with his younger sis.
We have 2 children, both aged 3. My husband works in another city and comes home every Saturday and Sunday, and then goes back to work on Monday, early morning.
A few months ago, his mom was diagnosed with tongue cancer, last stage.
She wasn’t able to eat from her mouth, so the doctor put her on a feeding tube. My SIL and her husband work from Monday to Saturday, and sometimes she takes a day or two to work from home, due to the condition of my MIL.
She also has a housemaid who doubles as her children’s sitter. As for me, I’m not working, but I do have a small business making wedding accessories, and sometimes I sew gowns too.
Beside my and my SIL’s house is another house nearby – that would be my BIL’s, my husband’s youngest brother. He works office hours and his wife has a cake business at home.
With 2 children also and of course a housemaid.
My MIL has a tight schedule for her meds and meal. It starts early morning, 4:30 am, and continues until 9 pm. My SIL goes to work at 6 am.
And usually, my BIL after he has done his morning part on his mom’s breakfast and morning meds. While I’m in charge of lunch, starting from 11 am up until 2-3 pm, daily.
I also help to wash the dishes etc. Sometimes cooking. From Monday to Friday.
But after a whole month went by, I got fed up because they kept on pressuring me to do that, I can’t skip it.
And my BIL’s wife doesn’t even want to help, no matter how urgent my thing is. Once they refused to take care of my MIL even after I told them my youngest child is getting a fever and I need to take him to the clinic.
But BIL’s wife said no. So I didn’t go to the doctor and I had to force my kid to get up and walk to SIL’s house.
Last week, I just found out that BIL never does his part of the morning routine, and SIL asked me to do it.
I’m so exhausted. Why do I have to do it alone? BIL’s wife can do it too, but because they saw me not “doing” any work like her, they put everything on me.
And when I go and complain to my husband, he only said, “Just be patient, and do your best.”
I’m already tired doing my house chores alone, cooking and cleaning, and I still have to do it at her house.
Sometimes MIL was in so much pain, that she became a very difficult person.
Also, my kids became extremely sad because I can’t take them anywhere anymore. Because once I say I want to take the kids to the mall or theme park, my husband and his siblings will start to slight me and make me feel bad for leaving MIL and ” having fun” while she’s unable to go anywhere.
And on the weekend we still can’t go anywhere since it’s my husband’s turn to take care of his mom.
Today, I refused to take care of her alone. I want BIL’s wife to help me too.
I said I’m tired and I can’t do it alone anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My mom had cancer. She was in the hospital for 6 months then hospice for 2. I visited her in the morning then after school with my daughter and at night after her partner got home to look after her daughter.
I would phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The hospital and hospice weren’t far from where I lived and all I did was visit, do her washing, and take things in for her she wanted, and it was exhausting.
I had no one to help (sorry sibling stayed away til she died) and was completely alone.
You need to stand up to your family. I know how tiring it is.
You need to stand strong and tell them you’re willing to do a share and you all need to sit down and draw up a rota. If they’re unwilling, you should refuse to help; it’s not your job.” Stock_Mortgage1998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this line: “I want BIL’s wife to help me too.”
Almost makes me want to change my judgment to E.S.H. Taking care of your MIL is not your responsibility, but it’s also not BIL’s wife’s.
The jerks here are your husband and siblings; they should be taking care of their mother. If they can’t do it themselves, then hire a caregiver or move her into a nursing home.” alastrid
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I have a feeding tube myself, for the same reason. After chemo, I managed my own feeds, slowly started doing chores again, and now, a year and a half out, care for an Autistic 7-year-old, an 8-month-old infant, a large dog, and occasionally my 5-year-old nephew by myself most of the time.
Not sure what else is wrong with your MIL, but a feeding tube doesn’t suddenly turn you into an invalid by itself. Long as I take my stuff with me, I can travel.
Literally, while I was in the hospital they showed me how to manage the tube, including dealing with any meds.” throwyouaway185
7. AITJ For Charging My Partner And His Family Rent But Not My Adult Kids?
I mean, is it even fair for a grown man to get jealous of his partner’s kids getting to live rent-free? That’s the question I keep asking myself.
“I (45F) have two children from my old relationship (25M and 22F) and they live with me while they are studying (college and master’s).
Both receive an intern salary or scholarship, but I don’t charge rent from them, because 1. They cook all the meals at home and clean the house; 2. My daughter receives a very small salary and my son uses most of his purse to buy books for his thesis.
My partner Matt (44M) has a son (10M). We’ve been together for 5 years.
Due to the heavy rains that happened 1 month ago, his house flooded and he lost all his furniture, electronics, and his car (the insurance covers it but it takes 2-3 months to return the full amount).
So he was left with nowhere to sleep and as his contract was about to expire, I invited him to live at home (my kids didn’t mind, I asked) while trying to get another house and he doesn’t have the insurance finances.
My house is mine and fully paid, it has 5be/3ba. It was agreed that he would pay rent for me and help with the groceries.
Beginning of the month, time to pay for things and go shopping, I talked about it with him and he gave his share, his son was missing from the calculation and he complained when I pointed it out, saying he was just a child, just the 4 of us (me, my kids and he should pay for things).
I said then that my children did not pay me anything, because they help in another way.
This made him angry, saying that I didn’t mind paying for my children (household expenses are 3/5 of mine), but I charged those who were financially tight and even charged a child’s share.
And that I was being unfair in not charging everyone, since my children, for example, do not fully take care of the house (ex: wash his and his son’s clothes or tidy his son’s room).
I pointed out that this was my and my children’s agreement, in addition to them not being forced to clean up other people’s mess besides mine (which they do because they want to).
I said that I don’t know why he bothered so much if I’m the one paying 3/5 of the house and not him, I wasn’t bothered. If he is, he is free to find another place.
He’s still mad at me, saying I should collect rent from everyone. But they are my kids, I like it and I want them to live with me.
His rent includes gasoline, house bills for him, plus a ridiculous rent fee that I charge just to pay the insurance – all 2/5 for him except gasoline which is 1/2 because we only share him and me).
Btw, they don’t help much around the house, especially his son.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Y’all have been together 5 years, grow up – yes he should pay something if it’s a financial strain on you, but that should be a different conversation between you two; it’s weird to me that you can’t do him the small favor of putting him and his son up for a few weeks/months when they’ve lost literally everything.
People do more for their friends let alone long-term partners. The thing about your kids is a red herring in my opinion, not really his business. I think he’s more resentful that you’re treating him like a tenant when you clearly are in a stable, secure position where you don’t need your kids to pay rent to get along.
Ultimately you don’t have to do anything for him but tbh I don’t see this relationship lasting very much longer.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one.
Red flags are flying everywhere from both parties.
Let’s start with the partner. He agreed to the terms of payment and was OK with it until finding out your children, who are still in school, are not paying rent.
Well, they shouldn’t in my opinion—their focus should be mostly on their studies. So I think he’s the jerk for trying to draw such a comparison.
But for OP, it’s like there’s no compassion here.
The dude just lost everything and might not get any compensation (not sure how your insurances work, but here it takes a long time and often you won’t receive full reimbursement if any).
Your partner shouldn’t expect to live somewhere for free, but in your shoes, I would be offering it.
Realistically, the only way for this to work is for him to pay the difference in utilities from prior to moving in versus now.
That would be fair, but after reading the comments I doubt anything will work. you want to overcharge and he doesn’t want to pay. You kind of deserve each other.
Guess I’ll just go with ESH.” Tmoran835
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, is he really your man or just friends with benefits because if you really like him, you would be willing to help and the only thing he would pay is the bills and not rent.
And you are not just charging him; you include his kid in the charge. A kid you have known since he was five. I don’t believe you guys are in a relationship, more of a situationship.” GreaterThanThanos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. this is yours and your kids’ home; he is coming into it as a temporary resident and has to pay to help in the increase in bills because of that.
Instead, he is starting to act like ‘the man of the house’ and wants to take over and create his own rules. He thinks being under your roof now means he can tell you what to do, as regards parenting your own kids and most likely a load of other stuff too.
Big red flag as to how he would be if you moved in together properly. Honestly, I’d ask him to find somewhere else. It is normal for kids in further education not to pay rent at home, so they can concentrate on their studies and if they have jobs, to pay down college debt, or save to move out.” Which_Pudding_4332
6. WIBTJ If I Tell On My Sister Again Considering How Much Trouble She'll Be In?
“My (17nb) sister (15f) is at the point where she keeps getting in trouble with our parents for various things big and small. I did when I was her age, but I never had an older sibling to call me out on stuff, so I don’t know if I’m being a jerk by doing so.
This starts about 2 months ago when I found out she was using a certain social media platform, by seeing the notification on her phone. We aren’t allowed to use it until we are 17, and so I told our parents.
My mistake was telling our dad first because I didn’t know what to do, who then humiliated her at a small family dinner by telling our mom and making my sister cry in the middle of a restaurant.
She said she was mad at my dad and not me because she understood why I had to say something but avoided me for a few days once she lost her phone for a week because of it.
I understand I’m probably the jerk for not waiting to talk about it with my mom first so my dad couldn’t do that, but I wasn’t sure if I even should, and I mistakenly thought my dad would be okay with me talking to him about it.
I would also like to mention, that I gave my sister the choice to talk to our mom about it herself, which she was going to, to lessen the punishment.
This was ruined by our dad, but I made sure our mom knew so her punishment was still better than it would have been.
The next major incident didn’t have anything to do with me but resulted in her losing her phone for about a month.
She got it back about a week ago. She is obviously excited to be able to talk to her friends again and has already made plans to see most of them.
This was an escalation as she tried to shoplift and my parents have been watching her because of this.
Here’s where I’m probably the jerk. This morning I got a notification saying that one of my contacts had joined a certain social media platform.
I looked at it and realized it was her, with a fake email. My mistake here was immediately confronting her about it (we were home alone). She started by denying it but then she started crying and finally admitted it.
She demanded that I don’t tell anyone and that she deleted it as soon as she realized I knew. I checked and the account is still up; she only deleted the app.
I then said that I wouldn’t make the mistake of telling our dad first again but that I would have to tell our mom. She then started threatening that she would tell Mom about stuff I had been doing, nothing my mom didn’t actually already know about, and that she would never talk to me again.
I feel like I have an obligation to tell our mom, but my sister doesn’t understand that, so I’m starting to think I shouldn’t. She’ll get in even more trouble when they do find out, and they will (my parents like to snoop).
I know she will lose her phone again and get in loads of trouble, so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
You realize that you don’t have to say anything, right?
You don’t need to make this your business. If your sister gets into trouble for it because your parents find out she got social media, that’s her problem.
However, you’d be a massive jerk if you go out of your way to tell them, and if you keep doing this, you’re going to ruin your relationship with your sister.
You can absolutely ‘go on with your daily life’ knowing what she did. I’m really not sure why you’re making this such a big deal; it’s only social media.
You don’t have to do anything. Just mind your business.” chileanywayssooooo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand that you want to teach your sibling to be more responsible and well-behaved, but snitching on her for every little thing is a bit over the line.
Try and talk to her first, explain why it’s bad, but don’t go telling her parents about every little thing she does. I get the bigger things like stealing. That kind of situation is where you definitely would want to tell your parents.
You need to be able to judge what qualifies as a big or small issue and whether you need to confide in your parents or not.” Alternative-Aside-71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and if you like your sister, you will negatively impact the relationship you’ll have in the future. I have 4 brothers, and my parents had a rule: if you snitch on your sibling, you will get the same punishment they did.
They explained to us that we were supposed to look after one another, not try to get the other in trouble (we were more than aware when we had to involve a parent, which happened maybe twice, but with the sibling in trouble aware of it).
Wanna know how that turned out? We are all over 35, and to this day, if anything happens, we call each other. This has been the deal since day 1. None of us ever felt alone or ashamed for mistakes, and my parents saved years of their lives having to listen to their kids telling on any small thing that could get someone in trouble.” prihrod
5. AITJ For Letting My Pregnant Co-Worker Get In Trouble For Sleeping On The Job?
“I, (f24), work an office job.
I have a co-worker, Anne (f28). Anne is currently pregnant and is around 6 months.
We have a dedicated break room where we go for lunch, as we aren’t allowed to eat anything or drink anything except water bottles in the office because of the computers.
We all have our own break schedules that are the same every day. Anne and I go to break together, our lunch break is from 13:30 to 14:30. No one else is on this schedule and takes their breaks earlier or later.
In the break room, there are a few chairs and a couple of couches.
Over the past two weeks, Anne had started taking naps on one of the couches during her lunch break.
I know it’s not my business as to what she does on her break; she can do what she wants.
Last Friday, Anne and I were taking our breaks as usual. I was listening to music on my headphones, and when it was around 14:30, I got up to go back to work.
I didn’t really pay attention to what Anne was doing.
Everyone was confused and was saying “where’s Anne?” by around 15:00 because they needed her, and our boss went into the break room and Anne was still sleeping.
Anne got a warning from our boss.
Anne is now angry with me because our breaks end at the same time, so I should have woken her up. She said I’m selfish and careless.
A lot of our other coworkers are on Anne’s side and agree.
I told Anne if she can’t wake up, she shouldn’t sleep during her break. She said the baby makes her tired and accused me of calling her lazy and being insensitive.
Edit to add on: when my break was ending, I was scrolling on my phone and listening to music. I have ADHD; when I do these things, I’m quite oblivious to my surroundings.
I didn’t wake Anne up because of malice. If Anne had asked me to wake her up, I would’ve done so.”
Another User Comments:
“Technically NTJ. I guess because you’re not obligated to wake her up, but dude, it would have been so easy and cost you literally nothing to do it.
I think you’ve completely underestimated the value that comes from keeping good relationships with your coworkers. Worklife is a whole lot easier when you have coworkers willing to cover for you if you’re 10 minutes late or help you out when you’re snowed under.
You didn’t have Anne’s back which is your choice to make, but in doing so, you have guaranteed that neither she nor any of the others who see her side will do anything to help you.” Tai-Fraiser
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Let’s take the pregnancy part out of it. Let’s say this other person just hasn’t been sleeping well at home and needed a nap during their break.
You KNOW that both your breaks end at the same time.
You KNOW that you’ll both get into trouble for coming back late from your break.
It would have cost you NOTHING but a couple of seconds to wake her up.
(“Hey, I’m headed back from break. Is everything okay?” would have been more than enough.) However, you chose at that moment to be a jerk. NOW you’re in this forum asking for justification for pulling a jerk move.
Intentional or not, it was a jerk move.
NOW, your co-workers know you’re a jerk and keep that SAME EXACT energy when you need someone to cover for YOU (because we all need help sometimes), only to find that your co-workers have left you high and dry.
I don’t know you, but knowing you would do something like this at work, I wouldn’t help you.
Common courtesy goes a long way. You need to get some.” HeftyBlood773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because she’s pregnant the world doesn’t have to watch out for her.
She could’ve asked you if you would be so nice and wake her up BEFORE this happened. Or she should just set an alarm on her phone.
She’s an adult; she has no right to be mad at you. And if others agree with her, they can wake her up in the future.
Selfish and careless? Geez… this entitlement.
She got pregnant without you, she gets up in the morning without you, so she’ll figure this out without you.” Potential_Speech_703
4. AITJ For Refusing To Return A Missing Cat To Its Owner?
It’s situations like these where you should put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
“So about a month ago, a random juvenile cat appeared on my doorstep, super thin and scrawny. No idea where he came from – my man and I live in a rural community where each house is on an acre or two of woods.
We couldn’t tell if he was a stray, wild, or lost pet.
Immediately, we realized just how marvelous this kitten was. Incredibly sweet and loving, super gentle and loving type of cat.
He wasn’t neutered, despite obviously being of an age where he should’ve been neutered, so we figured he was a stray. We set out food for him and water and since then, he’s been inseparable from us.
Always trying to get inside, spending his days sprawling on our porch and sitting on our laps when we go out for a smoke. I planned on getting him neutered and getting his shots, so he could become our inside cat, we love him so much.
Two days ago, for the first time, he disappeared for a whole day. He usually goes off and does cat things, but not two hours go by that he doesn’t hear us outside and comes running.
When he didn’t show up for a day, I posted on a community social media page with pictures, asking if anyone had seen him. Someone responded, claiming the cat, saying that it was their 6-year-old daughter’s cat who ran away, and if he returned, to return him to her.
They said he was always trying to get outside and around a month ago (the timing lined up, so I’m assuming this is indeed their cat) was successful.
He hasn’t returned yet, but I’m considering what to do if he does.
WIBTJ if I didn’t return him? He’s a sentient animal, not an object of ownership or property. If he chooses to stay with my man and me, who am I to give him to someone he ran away from?
We don’t keep him, he chooses to spend his days with us. He’s always trying to get in the house. I wanted some other people’s advice.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ. It’s someone else’s cat! What if you got him, he escaped outside, you wouldn’t be able to find him, and someone else says ‘aah, it’s a sentient being; he doesn’t want to be with you.’ It’s not fixed, maybe yet?
Apparently, it didn’t go outside, so they waited. And yes, he escaped, so after being lost, he looked kind of like a stray. Duh.
Guess what, he ran off, so he doesn’t want to be with you.
But if he returns, you want to keep him inside, so he can’t run off anymore? Where are you not the jerk in this?
Get your own cat. Don’t take others in without trying at least to find an owner.
Great you found him and took care of him, but not trying to find the owner or planning on keeping him even though the owner found you. Wow, that’s entitled and just awful.” Lucys243
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so I’m going for YWTBJ, but I also want INFO.
Did you check if anyone was looking for the cat? If you didn’t, check now, also YTJ, see if there are flyers or asks on social media or the local animal shelters’ sites.
Did YOU do anything aside from thinking about fixing the cat? Did you go through with any of it? Did you let him inside or examine him for disease, worms, etcetera?
If not, YTJ for not doing your due diligence, and being just as neglectful as you claim the other family was.
Next; it seems like you’ve just gotten really attached to the cat, and that’s okay, especially since this family lives close to you, say you’re sorry that you didn’t post earlier, explain you got attached, and ask if maybe you could visit the cat/get pictures after it’s gone home.
Tell them to keep the cat inside, there are a lot of dangers in the woods.
When you see the cat, catch him, bring him inside (a bathroom will do), and take him to the vet before you take him to the family, communicate this with them, and explain there’s a big chance he might’ve caught a parasite and do the handover at the vet, make sure they’re okay with paying if you aren’t.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!
This is about the cat!
If you are suspicious, ask the other family to send a picture of the cat, or proof it is theirs, like vet records.
Stop trying to accuse them of things you don’t know, talk to them properly, they’re people and they love that cat just like you do.” arsonistvibes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If they aren’t feeding and caring for the cat, then regardless of ownership, they shouldn’t have him. Laws aren’t strong enough to protect animals. Animal welfare > someone’s feelings every time.
Thank you for looking after him.” Moonforest_
3. AITJ For Getting Upset That My Sister Brought Her Baby To A Family Dinner?
“I (32m) am engaged to Jessy (30f). We have been together for 7 years and have been trying for a baby for the past 2.
Originally I was planning to propose to her during a family dinner at a Michelin-star restaurant, so I paid for 12 people to be there including her and my family. I made the booking nearly 10 months ago.
However, plans have changed, and instead, I have proposed during one of our holidays as the time felt more right.
2 months before the dinner, we found out that Jessy is pregnant.
I was beyond happy to hear that, so we decided to use the dinner to announce the pregnancy instead of talking about wedding preparations. The place is rather high-end, so it has a strict dress code and set of rules to follow.
Dinner was yesterday. My sister Emily decided to bring my nephew Kit with her who is still breastfed and is currently teething (he is 6 months old). So instead of celebrating Jessy’s pregnancy a lot of people were feeling uncomfortable due to my nephew crying nearly constantly and the owner of the restaurant at some point asked us to leave since kids were not allowed and my nephew was disturbing other guests.
I had no choice but to ask Emily to leave. She was hesitant at first, however, I reminded her of the rules of the place and in no way or form, she contacted me to ask if it would be OK to bring Kit with her.
She has tried to defend herself saying he is young but her partner, who is also the father, could have stayed with Kit since he finishes work at 4. I have also told Emily how disappointed I was with what she did as she ruined the dinner by bringing Kit to a place not made for kids.
Emily didn’t like that and left. The rest of the dinner went okayish but I could feel the tension. Later that night my mum and my aunt (aunt wasn’t present as she lives quite far away and can’t really travel) both called me to tell me that what I did was a jerk move and Emily is now upset and I need to apologize.
Jessy is upset too but because she felt like everyone paid attention to Kit and was trying to calm him down, instead of congratulating us or discussing the wedding and what the dinner was about.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I have kids. Some places are not kid-friendly. I don’t take my kids there.
If I thought there were some mitigating circumstances to consider I would contact the organizer to check.
For example, my best friend is getting married next year. I asked if the event was child-free, so I knew if I should arrange a babysitter or just leave a little earlier because the kids would get tired before the reception was over.
She said it’s child-free and was apologetic. I reassured her it was fine and asked my dad to take the kids (he agreed). No big deal.
Not everything is about being a parent, and having a teething baby doesn’t mean you have an excuse to force others to endure your child fussing in an adult-only space.
I doubt she would try to take her baby clubbing with her just because she is breastfeeding.”
Another User Comments:
“So is nobody going to talk about the fact that OP scheduled this dinner when his sister was 5 months pregnant, knowing she would have an infant (that she would likely be breastfeeding) by the time the event rolled around?
So he scheduled a “family event” in a locale that he already knew she would not be able to attend? Yes, YTJ. You could have had the event elsewhere. You claim your intent was to include family, yet you knew her circumstances were going to exclude her.
It’s not like she got pregnant after you made the plans. You knew full well when you scheduled it that she was going to have a baby at the time.
OP’s sister just wanted to attend a family event (that she was INVITED to) in which her brother was getting engaged. She isn’t the jerk here.” Upset_Potato1416
Another User Comments:
“ESH. your sister shouldn’t have attended with her baby, you shouldn’t have made a scene in front of everyone, and your fiancée shouldn’t be worried that “the attention was away from her” when your behavior contributed to it as well as your sister’s.
Also, if you and your fiancée are embarrassed by your infant nephew’s behavior – you might want to ask for more practice time with him because you’re in for a rude awakening when your baby comes.” afoolishmortal_
Another User Comments:
“Will point out that you can’t leave a breastfed infant without access to the breasts it needs. Those dinners are often quite long and the baby will likely need to feed – leaving the baby with its dad is often not a suitable option.
And before anyone says pumping, not every woman can pump enough to leave for hours and be fed – I certainly couldn’t – and not every baby will take a bottle.
I know babies who wouldn’t.
You booked the restaurant while Emily was pregnant knowing she’d have an infant and expecting her to attend. Emily likely had no idea how logistically difficult that would be when you booked the restaurant as she’s not been a nursing mother before.
Once she realized the logistics wouldn’t work, she should have communicated the difficulties with you and discussed options – either her non-attendance or a change of venue. You should have thought about your guests and their needs and contacted her sooner to discuss it too.
Can’t blame the restaurant or other diners – this was not a child-suitable environment.
ESH – by which I mean you and Emily.” kb-g
2. AITJ For Using My Husband's Birthday Fund To Buy My Daughter A New Bike?
“Before I start, keep in mind that we aren’t doing good financially.
So my husband bought his 13-year-old daughter a bike – it was about 200 bucks. My 11-year-old daughter secretly liked it and asked if she could get a few rounds with it.
My stepdaughter said NOOO, which was understandable seeing how obsessed she was with it the first couple of weeks. My daughter asked again but was told no even though we tried to compromise on time.
It was pretty frustrating for my daughter, especially when she sees the bike.
Fast forward a week later. Stepdaughter no longer rides the bike as often and most of the time it just lays in the garage.
The other day my daughter called me crying. I freaked out and had to go home because I couldn’t make sense of what she was saying. I got home and found my daughter on the porch crying (my husband was inside watching tv).
I asked her what happened and she told me she had asked her stepsister to let her play with the bike but she refused, and when my daughter pointed out how the bike was just lying in the garage with no use, her stepsister shouted at her saying she’d rather throw the bike in the ocean and let it rust than let her ride it.
My daughter started crying which made my husband call her an entitled brat and punish her for persisting. I was fuming!!! I confronted him and he casually said “my daughter should not feel like she has to share what she has with anyone…it’s her bike and if (my daughter’s name) wants a bike so bad and you think she deserves it, then you can go ahead and get her one!” I said, “Dang right I can and I will.” I took what I saved up to buy him a gift (a watch) for his upcoming birthday and bought a new bike for my daughter and let her pick the color.
Not gonna lie, after seeing her sad for weeks, I felt happy for her.
My husband and stepdaughter just watched, but when my husband asked where I got the funds for it and knew it was the funds for his birthday gift he flipped his crap.
He yelled saying I shouldn’t have touched his gift fund and said that I PROMISED HIM and he already told his friends about the watch. I told him about how he let his daughter treat mine and encouraged the attitude she had about the bike.
He got more upset saying I was punishing his daughter through him and that by my own “omission” he’d done nothing wrong other than get his daughter a bike. I said I no longer wanted to argue but he never stopped berating me.
even went as far as to say that I stole the watch savings and threatened to exclude me from his birthday.
I spent 200$ on my daughter’s bike. and only 50$ was left from the watch savings.”
Another User Comments:
“I am gonna say NTJ in regards to getting your kid a bike. A grown adult can deal with not having a watch so a child is treated equally in the family.
Both kids should have a bike since it is a sign of independence and great exercise.
The way your husband talks to you is not respectful.
But I do think the stepdaughter is allowed to say your child cannot ride her bike.
We don’t expect adults to let us drive their cars just because we like them. We should allow children to have the same control over their belongings. The daughter could never ride it again and it would still be her bike.
The best solution is to get both kids’ bikes and it doesn’t become an issue.” Jazzlike_Crew_3956
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yall are not functioning like a cohesive blended family.
Your stepdaughter is not obligated to share her things. Your daughter needs to learn she isn’t entitled to other people’s things no matter how much she wants them. Realistically the two of you should’ve sat down and spoken about this before he ever made the purchase, especially since anyone with half a brain could see the outcome of one kid getting slighted (seriously how did he not foresee this issue).
The fact that your husband feels absolutely no fatherly connection to your daughter and is calling her names is like 20k red flags in one. Also, he made his bed, and now he gets to lie in it.
I find it very ironic he calls your daughter entitled and then turns around and acts like he did. Ultimately he is TJ, but you are also TJ for keeping the jerk around your daughter.” Graves_Digger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can keep making those excuses, but the bike is your stepdaughter’s, not yours or your daughter’s. You don’t get to take it for your daughter.
It doesn’t matter how often your stepdaughter uses it. It is not your bike. It is not your stepdaughter’s bike. You have zero right to it.
Your attitude is shocking because it is hurting your relationship with your stepdaughter and your husband and poisoning the atmosphere in the house for everyone, but you’re digging in.
Every sentence contains a dig at your husband and stepdaughter. Why are you in this family when you don’t seem to have any respect for anyone but your own daughter?
Of course, it is not a healthy situation if one kid is getting expensive gifts and the other one is missing out. But that’s a problem that you and your husband need to figure out.
He should be concerned enough about your daughter and you should care enough about his that you both figure out a maximum budget for gifts in advance so that one kid isn’t given everything and the other one misses out.
You should be teaching your daughter that she is not entitled to everything she wants. And you should be worried about forcing her to live with someone who is OK with treating her like a second-class citizen in the house.
But that does not change the fact that your daughter does not have the right to take her step-sister’s stuff. You are putting your and your husband’s failure to arrange fair rules for the family on the kids.
That is not fair.” Reddit user
1. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister-In-Law From My Wedding?
“I have a SIL “Kate” who I’ve never gotten along with. She is really possessive of my mom, kind of competitive, and sometimes I think my mom likes her more than me.
I’m getting married soon and will be wearing my mom’s gown. It is beautiful, custom-made, and has a lot of small beading and details. I’m in love with the dress, so I was devastated when my mom reached out and told me that the dress had been damaged due to Kate having a seizure (she has epilepsy) while trying it on and spilling something.
Now to be clear I do not blame Kate for having a medical condition. The seizures are pretty well under control, so I’m sure it was unexpected and scary, but I was confused about why she was wearing it.
My mom told me she told Kate to put it on so she could take pictures of her. I was grossed out and confused. My mom tried explaining that it was sentimental as it was her dress first, and she wanted to see Kate in it.
She said she brought it to the best cleaner and will pay whatever, but I’m still livid and feel really violated.
I decided that I don’t want Kate at the wedding, because I feel so creeped out that she put the dress on.
My mom says I’m being unfair as it was her dress first. Kate called me “psycho” and said it’s ok because my mom told her to, and my brother is upset and thinks I’m being cruel because the seizure wasn’t her fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I’d get a new dress. Maybe something that resembles the dress in the details you like, but the fact that your mother clearly favors Kate over her own daughter is yuck.
Idk if it’s possible to uninvite Kate and/or your mother without causing massive family drama, but I feel like getting a new dress instead and limiting contact with both of them might help you feel more comfortable with what happened. If she is married to your brother you can’t really uninvite her without uninviting him as well.
If you’re ok with them and your mother (who will probably take her side) not coming, go for it. If not, just get a new dress and move on from a close relationship with them.” TA122278
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Your mom sucks a lot for asking Kate to try on the dress. If it’s “her dress” then she should keep it. If she’s giving it to you, it’s your dress.
That’s weird energy.
Kate sucks the least (by a lot) but still sucks a tiny bit for agreeing to try it on. Also weird energy, but she may have felt some pressure from your mom.
I will explicitly call out that Kate does not suck at all for damaging the dress. That was an accident caused by a disability – which you have also pointed out.
You suck as much as your mom for uninviting SIL. She is the least at fault here, and I completely understand why you are upset, but I also understand why everyone else thinks it’s unfair.
Your brother is also 100% justified in being upset. It is his wife, and they are a unit. When you uninvited her, you effectively uninvited him or at least put him in a REALLY awful situation.
The crux of the situation is that you haven’t mentioned uninviting your mom. Your mom is definitely more at fault than Kate, so what’s going on there? I think you’re mad, and need to feel in control again, and can’t let it go.” T3HN3RDY1
Another User Comments:
“You keep saying it’s your dress. It’s your mom’s. YTJ.
I don’t mean to deep dive, but it sounds like you are trying to find a reason to not invite her.
You are jealous of her, and there is likely not a competition, but possibly in your head due to jealousy. Maybe you unintentionally made her a villain in your head.
It won’t be easy but maybe try to start fresh in your head about your relationship. If she gets along great with your mom, maybe there is a chance to become sisters in other ways than just a title.
It will be some work, because jealousy and resentment can be a pain to overcome, assuming that is the situation, but in the end, it might make your life better, and in the worst case, you just go back to the way it is now.” NixValley
