People Invite Our Theories On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother After He Insulted My Wife?
“So, my wife is different than my family. She did not grow up the way I grew up and she is still breaking old habits.
My wife was homeless for a really long time with both of her brothers, she took care of them for a long time while her parents were god knows where.
She was 18, couldn’t get into the system, and was terrified of bringing her brothers there. So they would hide behind dumpsters. Surprisingly a lot of them are gated and if they aren’t they have quite a bit of room in the back sides of it. Due to this, she would find a way to get food, gave it to her brothers, and would only eat when she had to and when she did, they were horrendously little amounts.
She doesn’t look down on the fact that they were homeless and rather that she got them out of that situation by herself.
Now that you got the reason for this, here’s the problem. My family has a lake house to go to during the summer. This is the first summer everyone is married. My wife rarely sees my brother because I rarely see my brother,
Well everyone was eating, we don’t sit around the table as some would, we all kind of scatter. Now bringing it full circle to what I’ve already explained, she still has irregular eating habits. Of course, we work through it but I can’t force her to eat and if I did, it wouldn’t last as opposed to if she did it herself. So I don’t unless I see it going on for too long.
Again she usually eats after everyone else does.
Well, when we all went to bed, she felt hungry and decided to go to the pantry. I heard a commotion from the bedroom and it was my brother raising his voice at her, accusing her of stealing…….from the pantry stealing what? Food? That our parents the owners of the place said she’s welcome to? Okay.
I came out and asked what was happening. My wife stays still and my brother flat out says, “You’re so blind bro, can’t you see she’s stealing from you? Now she’s stealing from us too?” He cut her off as she was trying to explain that she would never. Not only that but we keep the money separate, as she was set on keeping it that way.
He laughed and said, “You know what? That’s what you get for marrying someone who has a criminal record.”For what? Stealing, stealing what? Food. I yelled and said that he needed to stop acting like a rich boy because I could have sworn he himself had a criminal record for stealing too, only he was stealing for giggles and she was stealing because she was hungry.
But I’m sure his wife would love to hear about that since I guess she’s a fool for seeing someone as delusional as him oh and of course with a ‘criminal record.’ We got our stuff and left.
Of course, I got messages from him, got messages from my mom saying I was immature and I’m acted like a child. She said I ‘ruined’ the vacation, my dad is the only one who thinks I was in the right.
AITJ? Really don’t think I am, I mean who would just sit there and let someone say that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’d really love to hear your mom’s explanation for how you’re the one being immature?
Good on you for supporting your wife and prioritizing her needs! You knew that your wife’s health was bigger than this vacation and staying was a recipe for disaster.
I can’t imagine how stressful that would have been, for both of you. If your mom doesn’t get that then her priorities are a bit skewed.
And your brother just sucks so much I can’t even begin.” No_Resolution_6337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dad is wise, listen to Dad. Your brother is an entitled, arrogant jerk who needs an enormous really check. As someone who spent her childhood either homeless or just dirt poor with a mediocre roof over her head but not much else, I highly respect your wife.
She took a terrible situation and did the best she could. She pulled them out of the quagmire of poverty through her own determination and the love she has for her brothers. She in no way deserves the utter bull crap your brother spewed at her from his toxic mouth. Good for you for standing up for her, respecting her, and trying to protect her from your d****e canoe of a brother.” Bulky-Prune-8370
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight, she needs to be chaperoned, OR have explicit permission from your brother to get a snack? That’s just… wow.. a lot to process there.
Second, your wife being treated like she is subhuman because of her past is bonkers. I suspect your brother may not have an issue with her, but with you and attacking someone vulnerable close to you may be all he has the balls for.
You do need to directly address your mother about this. Straight forward, if she is excusing your brother for treating your wife like a dog who needs permission to eat, she is just as wrong as he is. She should be horrified he would speak to anyone like that, let alone degrade his own brothers wife because he feels justified doing so.
Mad respect to your wife, I would want her on my team if stuff went sideways – that woman is made of gold!
NTJ.” BeccaUnit
19. AITJ If I Stopped Picking My Brother Up From Work?
“I (25f) and my partner (28m) have been picking up my brother (24m) from work every day since early February of this year. We’ve been giving him rides because he doesn’t have his license or a car and neither do my parents at the moment (he lives with them and my little sister). We accepted only because my mom asked us, we were closer to his job, the buses don’t run at the time he would get off, and we thought it would just be a month or two of having to pick him up.
He originally told us he had taken this job as a way to get pocket change till he gets a job working at the same place my father worked. The job was in shipping in a factory that paid 20 dollars per hour and there’s a thing going on at this factory that if you get someone you know to work there, you and the person you brought in would get a 15% raise.
The job my brother has right now only pays him 13 an hour and is basically the same job but for an actual shipping company.
Unfortunately, my father lost the job due to some point system and a few unaccounted days off due to my father having to fly and stay a couple weeks to take care of his brother after getting surgery, but felt okay about it since my brother still had plans to apply for the job.
We thought he would have had his job by now but lately, he has been avoiding the topic and I started to grow suspicious because he stopped talking about the job all together.
My little sister told me that my brother had gone to the interview, was offered the job on the spot, and would have started working two weeks after that.
He told the interviewer he’d “think about it.”
Apparently, my brother never had the intention to get the job. He didn’t want to work in a factory ike my dad cause it seemed like too much heavy work and led my father on about getting the job. This made my father pretty angry thinking the family was going to be secure during this hard time only to find out that wasn’t going to happen.
When I asked my brother about the job, he lied to my face about the interview and how it went. He said his interviewer talked about having to work there from 9pm to 3am and that everyone in shipping were “jerks.” I don’t believe him at all. I honestly think he said no to the hours because he is addicted to VR chat and doesn’t want to give up his time being with his friends.
He’s now telling me and my partner that he plans on going back in November to get the job and still expects us to give him rides home till then. I’m tired of it. With gas going up and me and my partner working from home, we can’t get much work done when we have to leave the house, drive to his place of work, drop him off at my parents, and then come back to our place, we are losing money having to drive him.
This takes up an hour of our day and it’s 5 days a week. It’s exhausting and hasn’t been easy for us.
WIBTJ if I stopped giving him rides because he lied to me and is trying to lead me onto a false promise?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmm there’s a bit to unpack.
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You did him a favor by taking him to work (did you communicate at the time about only doing it for a few months?
Assuming usually ends badly)
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Your dad lost the job because of some unaccounted days off? So not letting the company know he’d be off? I don’t know how American laws and companies work so I can’t really comment on that, but it would be strange over here.
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Your brother didn’t want the job and lied about it. There could be more to that. Was he pressured into it by your parents?
Is it out of character for him to lie? A lot of people lie for an easy way out of confrontation when they don’t have a good reason not to do something other than “I don’t want to.”
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You could maybe compromise about the lifts. Maybe taking gas money or him having to wait until you have finished your work for the day to pick him up.
I’m assuming if you don’t take him he will lose the job, then both your father and brother have no job.
Are you the jerk if you stop? Being lied to isn’t nice, and I don’t think you’d be the jerk for stopping the favor. But if it leads to your brother losing his job it could lead to more complications down the line.” Ethan_Edge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but info: why don’t your parents or brother have a car or license? Is your father looking for another job? It seems kind of irresponsible of him to allow himself to lose his job. Jobs with point systems lay out attendance expectations in advance. He knew what was going to happen and/or did not seek permission for unpaid time off in advance.
As for your brother, he is a grown man content to live with his parents, making $13/hour, and mooch rides off his sister. Stop enabling him to be irresponsible. Give him a 1-2 week deadline to make other transportation arrangements then stick to it regardless of what your parents say. They just want to use you to keep money coming in since no one else in the house seems to be working.” pixelated_fun
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ – you are well within your right to stop driving your brother from work, even if he didn’t lie about the interview.
You did it as a courtesy and with the understanding it would be temporary, this has gone on too long already.
Just tell your brother the truth, which is that driving him is costing you too much time, effort and money to continue to do so.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think honestly most of the details you give are irrelevant. He’s a grown adult; you don’t mention a medical reason why he can’t drive and get his license. Why he’s still working there and if he lied aren’t important. You’ve been driving him for months and don’t want to any more; that’s enough.” MargaretHaleThornton
I also don't understand how 3 adults in a household don't have a car or even a license, how was dad getting to work and back?
18. AITJ For Fat Shaming My Brother?
“I (early 20sF) have 2 siblings, Tiff (late 30sF) and Dan (late 20sM). Tiff has her own family and doesn’t live with Dan and me at our parents’. Dan has been very buff since young and loves to show it, when I reached the age when puberty hits the hardest, Dan constantly mocked my physical look, f****l and body.
I wasn’t big-sized, just a healthy weight range, but not an hourglass figure.
It really got to my head and my only wardrobe was baggy clothes and nothing else, I avoided skinny-fit clothes whenever possible. I try not to let it affect my regular diet but occasionally went into a small phase of ‘diet’ period that luckily was stopped by Tiff as soon as she finds out, usually when she visits us.
(She did try to block out the negativity whenever possible)
When Dan entered college, he gained weight, he claimed to be very busy studying but his socials says otherwise as I see him partying for half a week instead of his regular mirror selfies at the gym or study things. By the time he finished college, his clothes has increased sizes from maybe a M to a XL and it’s noticeable.
Our parents did note it but he claimed to be stress eating so they didn’t press on it as he passed college with flying colors.
When I entered college, I, fortunately, met a group of extremely fit new friends at a common lecture hall used by fitness & sports students, so with Tiff’s encouragement, I approached them for help in being fit overall to find my own body positivity.
Tiff did a photo-taking of me every month so she can show me before and after to further encourage me to continue the path. Within 1.5years, there was a big positive difference so I started to venture into a new wardrobe inspiration that involved skinny-fit clothes.
When I came out of my room last night wearing skinny-fit jeans with a baggy top fashion to show Tiff, Dan looked at me, head to toe and commented, “your behind is still flat like an iron board.”
I flipped and commented on his size and laziness during his entire time at college and that up until now he still hasn’t retained his ‘former glory’ so doesn’t have the right to talk about mine at all. It was quite an argument that our parents got involved.
Tiff had to take me to her place to separate us and now Dan must have gone around telling people that I fat-shamed him as my phone has been blowing up.
Many did say I went overboard and my parents said I stooped too low. Tiff told me to hold my ground and that I don’t have to apologize since he never did.
I just felt unfair that when I endured his mocking for almost half of my life and when I just turn the tables this one time, I’m the bad guy. But I also realized I have became just like Dan at that moment and I should’ve taken the high ground and ignored him.
Now I’m quite conflicted about this so I thought it would be better to reach out for strangers’ thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH (but heavily leaning into NTJ). And by ESH I mean literally everyone except Tiff. If your family and his friends think it’s oh-so bad to body shame that they had to intervene, why didn’t they do it when you were the victim?
Because you were a girl and he is a man and boys will be boys? Because as you’re younger you had to just accept and be quiet? Because….? No matter what comes after “Because”, it will still be a sentence I would not agree and it wouldn’t make it justifiable for them to think it was ok when he did it, but not when you did.
Especially so because you didn’t even attack him out of nowhere, you were just responding to his never-ending mean comments (and in this case, not only mean but also creepy. Why was he even eye measuring your a*s?)
You are still a bit of a jerk because body-shaming is never okay and you yourself should know that as a victim of it, BUT it’s honestly nothing compared to his behavior and honestly I would myself have said worse things.
Heck, he said worse things for no reason at all. I legit can’t really blame you for how you reacted.” IlludensParadoxa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t know what else you were supposed to do. He’s been doing it your whole life, as you say, and even when the tables are turned he still just keeps attacking you, and expects you to just sit there and be polite and let him run over you.
Screw that. When someone attacks you, you fight back.
As for your parents, how would they know what “too low” is? They’ve allowed him to do the same thing forever. Their perspective is meaningless.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you handled that very well. There’s only so many times you can poke something with a stick until it pokes back- or in this case it grabs the stick and w***s him a good one over the head.
You did the right thing and don’t ever believe that you have to sit back and take it when he is insulting you. Actions have consequences, especially when he has a history of being a jerk.” LatterTowel9403
17. AITJ For Cutting Off My Sister's College Funds After She Talked Crap About My New GF?
“My wife passed away in January 2019 after fighting cancer for years.
Over a year after that, I (33M) started a relationship with a close friend of mine who I’ve known for years before.
My girlfriend and I are about a year and 7 months into our relationship.
It was unexpected but things really blossomed between us so I gave it a chance. My parents knew about our relationship, as did some friends.
A few weeks ago, we decided to start sharing the news that we are expecting our first child since she’s now in her second trimester.
My sister (26f) was home from college when we made the announcement after we got together at our parent’s place.
She was openly against the whole thing right away. “How could I do this to (my wife),” “Didn’t I care about her”, and she’s so disgusted to be related to a brother like me who would “be unfaithful” on his sick wife. Stuff that didn’t even happen. Then, she asked us how would our kid feel when they find out they were an affair child.
My dad got really mad at her. He told her to leave if she can’t act civil so that’s what she did. It was super unsettling for me but I thought okay, it was probably from shock.
After that, she hasn’t stopped telling me things. Mostly how shameful she feels to have a brother who would make a new life with someone else after losing my wife.
The timeline was explained to her before. We started our relationship well over a year after so in no way was it ever an affair. I gave her a couple of weeks to cool down. Then decided to send a message to ask if we could talk.
She says she doesn’t associate with lying pigs. Since I’ve been helping her for the past two years to pay for her college course so she can be a full-time student working part-time rather than the other way around, I told her then she probably doesn’t want to be associated with the money of a cheating pig.
That’s where it seems I’m a jerk because it affects my sister’s education over petty words at least according to my mom.
Even my sister says I’m beyond low because now I’m trying to punish her for speaking the truth knowing how much this would set her back if she can’t pay for her classes on her own. This means she’d need a full-time job again and then would make it take longer to complete her BA.
But if she’s that uncomfortable with being associated with me then why pay for her? At least that’s how I see it but maybe it’s just the anger talking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Finding love after losing your partner is one of the most difficult things in life. I saw it up close with my uncle. He was scared to forget his love for my aunt, scared to forget the things they had.
Everyone deserves to feel love and OP’s sister is just spewing vile. NTJfor OP.” DavyJonesLocker2
Another User Comments:
“According to OP’s sister, those future kids will be ashamed. So, OP needs to start a fund for the therapy they will need.” ghos_
Another User Comments:
“You should suggest that she spend her money on remedial math & biology classes. 40 months after your wife’s death, your new girlfriend is 4 months pregnant.
Even if your girlfriend was an elephant, she wouldn’t have been pregnant when your wife was still alive. Are you supposed to lock yourself away from the world & never have another relationship? You’re only 33. Also, INFO: has your sister recently suffered head trauma, lost the last 3 years, and still thinks it’s 2019?” Houston970
16. AITJ For Suggesting My Parents Not Go To My Graduation?
“Ever since I started college, I have consistently “been a disappointment” to my mom on my grades and career choices.
I’m not failing anything, but I don’t have the GPA to be competitive for medical school and my mom thinks I’ve become a failure from what I’ve been in K-12.
Now that I’m graduating undergrad in a couple of days, I brought up to her that I wanted to stay near my college and work/apply for post-grad programs for better jobs and I’ll stay with my partner.
She argued that I should stay home, bringing up my grades and lack of belief in me to do what I say since I couldn’t uphold my grades like before. She thinks I have no idea what I’m doing and that I should just focus on my upcoming MCAT and finals to not stress myself out even more. That argument ended in a stalemate with her saying that we’ll talk about it again after I graduate.
Fast forward to yesterday, she texts me that my grandmas can’t come to my graduation due to the viral respiratory illness and being high risk. I thought about my little brother who is 5 and not jabbed at all and suggested my parents not go either because my brother is also at risk.
My mom responds that they won’t go at all and that “I seemed to have made up my mind about my future living arrangements.” She wanted me to send my new address for then to send my birth certificate and other important documents, said this is the last time we will talk and said “I tried my best.”
Soon after, I get contacted by my dad telling me that my mom tried to disconnect my phone (kicking me off their plan and leaving me with no number) but he changed my number behind her back. Just now, she also took me off her health insurance plan.
She’s basically disowning me and I don’t know what I did wrong… I have too much going on already with graduation and this situation is not helping at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My parents behaved similarly towards me when I was in school. I was always top of my class but they were never proud. I regret inviting them to my college graduation. Despite having less than 200 people in my graduation ceremony and being towards the middle of the alphabet, my father left before my name was called.
Unfortunately, you will probably have to get used to doing things on your own, but I promise it’s okay.
Ultimately one day you will be happier with your own accomplishments, and without your family constantly doubting you and bringing you down. And it will give you the chance to pursue what YOU want and what makes YOU happy.
Good luck, OP. You’ll do great things.” Such_Stranger1843
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s crazy. She is toxic so in the end this is for the best. But now shore up the rest…sounds like your dad temporarily helped with the phone but get that off and onto your plan ASAP.
Your dad may not be able to help with health insurance if it’s through her work so go onto your state’s exchange ASAP and get the cheapest plan. You need something for an accident or illness can financially ruin you if you don’t have some coverage. Make a plan to retrieve whatever you need from your parent’s house and maybe get a storage unit if need be, maybe your dad could rent it for you.
And make sure you have a written agreement for where you will be living.
Hope your mom comes around it’s all so weird tbh. Good luck with that and it’s ok if you end up pursuing something else!” MediaOffline411
Another User Comments:
“You are most certainly NTJ. Your mother sounds like she’s having a hard time understanding that you are an adult and can make your own decisions.
You have your own life separate from her. She’s being extremely selfish.
Be so proud of yourself for the accomplishment of graduating college. That’s huge in itself! I graduated undergrad with a 2.9 GPA. I still survived early adulthood and got a great job. Almost no one cares about the GPA, just the degree. I finished my master’s last month with a 4.0. You’re going to be just fine.
Congratulations and if none of your family tell you, I’m proud of you. Way to go! Rooting for you!” umuziki
15. AITJ For Refusing To Talk To My Teacher?
“I have ADHD and big anxiety. I go to high-school which gives me special permissions to help with my ADHD such as extra time on class work or going to a quiet space to work, which HAS to be followed by all my teachers.
My anxiety, however, prevents me from asking these needs to the teacher, as I am too frightened to get up from my seat in front of an entire class. I’ve been going to therapy and now am on medication, which has been working.
Before I talked about what happened, this teacher I am going to explain about is highly disliked by almost every student in the school.
She is very strict and gives detention for absolutely no reason. If you have your backpack on the floor, detention, charging your chrome book or phone, detention and so on. I’ve gotten in trouble with her before because I drew on my hand during class, which helps me pay attention.
One day during science class, we were taking a test in which the class was goofing off and being loud.
I got the courage, after years, to get up and ask my teacher to go to the library to work. She turned her head and screamed at the class to be quiet, turning to face me again with a giant smile and saying, ‘is that better?’
I was horrified. I built up all that courage just for her to scream at the entire class instead of giving me what I needed. I broke down, trying to hide my tears, embarrassed that happened and thinking I made a fool of myself.
I went home that day and explained what happened to my mother, who got very angry about it. She called my teacher and when she finished, seemed even madder. Apparently, instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong, she made excuses. She said that she was having a terrible day with a huge headache, that she exclaimed that the library was closed (which she didn’t), she didn’t want me to leave because of the test, and so on.
I got extremely mad myself.
I later went on to not talk (hardly) at all during her class anymore, specially not to her. I was so upset that I even told my mom I was not going to have her next year for class, and if I do, I’m changing the class immediately. (Not just because of that one incident but because of others as well) I feel very guilty for what I did and said, but it really upset me and caused me to have to work on my anxiety again.
I worked so hard to build up courage only for her to destroy it with only her voice.
AITJ and overreacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But only talking to the teacher will do nothing except make your situation worse. This needs to be escalated to the school administration. Your teacher will only deflect and offer weak platitudes; the administration can take the behavior in hand and properly admonish the teacher.
Failing to follow a 504 has consequences. The teacher needs to be reported. You and your mom need to reach out to them and calmly report the behaviors and how they contradict the 504 plan that’s in place.
You also need to make it clear you cannot be in her classroom again. And, again, it’s the administration’s responsibility to make certain that happens. You need to escalate this issue NOW.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, teachers who refuse to acknowledge disabilities simply because they aren’t physical or as obvious are the worst. Just because you might not seem like you are struggling doesn’t mean you aren’t.” b************7
Another User Comments:
“NTA. It is her duty to make sure your needs are met and she sounds like a nightmare. I would talk to the principal about what happened. Also have you considered homeschooling?” Just-callme
14. AITJ For Saying I Don't Love My Father Anymore?
“For context, I (19M) and my father (61M) never have gotten along since I was about 5. Nothing ever seemed to please him, and we would always fight because he would always insist I got the best grades, and do everything the “right” way – his way.
I was bullied in school when I was about 8, and my father just told me to “man up and get on with it.” My mother (54F) was the one to sort it out and transfer me to another, private, school. He was always consumed by work and money (he is a highly paid accountant, a job he hates and his abusive mother picked for him).
He very rarely did anything with me, and my poor mother was left to entertain me and look after me like a single parent.
My mother and I have a very close relationship, which I have always had with her. We do everything together, and every spare moment away from studying or my social life I spend with her, helping her out or just chilling with her.
I love her more than anything, and I know she feels the same way. She’s even told me she loves me more than she loves my father, as he treated her horribly until she threatened to kick him out when I was 13 and the doctors got involved. It was me who saved their relationship, by saying I wanted a whole family to my mother, and looking after her whilst my father sorted himself out.
My father became very annoyed at our relationship, and tried to destroy it many a time, by lying to my mother about things I’ve said and accusing me of all kinds of things. It always failed.
So, we were sat at the breakfast table once when I was 15, and he started on me about not doing enough for the family and never getting up off my “lazy behind” to help out when I insisted the kitchen needed to be finished, which it did as it had been left half painted for six months, and asked him to help out my mother wallpapering the living room whilst I did it.
FYI, I had just spent a week at my grandfather’s sorting through my recently deceased grandmother’s things , and had come back and immediately helped out in the garden. I became very angry and started to shout at him, saying how dare he question my family loyalty, and that I didn’t see him up at my grandfather’s supporting him. He told me that my opinion didn’t matter and used the classic “shut up.” He took my phone for the weekend and threatened to ship me off to boarding school.
Whilst washing the dishes with my mother, we were discussing what had happened, I turned to her and said “you know what, I don’t love him anymore, I’m done.” She said that was harsh, but told me she didn’t blame me at all, and it was my choice. My father eventually heard about it, and was upset. I told him I didn’t care whether I had upset him or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are under no obligation to love your dad.
The fun part of family dynamics is the dad that works long hours to make money is always the jerk. It sounds like he parents the best he can with the crap examples of parenting he had. His mom forced him into a career he didn’t want.
But in the end people hate dads like this, then they are the first in line to take the money he spent all those years making.
I am sure a bunch of people will downvote me and tell me how this dad owes his kids bla bla bla bla.
Impress me, let’s talk about how this legal adult could ask his dad if he would be willing to do counseling to help their relationship. Try to understand that the guy is not some evil ogre, but just someone that is doing the best he can with what he was given.” Fattdog64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s almost like your dad worked really hard for you to not love him. Being abusive to your mother, berating you, undermining your achievements, disregarding your words at the slightest disagreement? I can see why you wouldn’t love him and I respect you for saying it out loud and not eating your words when your father eventually heard about it.” ItalianLesbianVirgin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you don’t have to build the relationship with your kid. All relationships are built, just because you had an o****m in a woman doesn’t guarantee a relationship with the kid.” YourName98
13. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Single Mother Friend?
“Back in 2017-2018, in a gathering with my friends (all late 20f), we were talking about a male friend who just died a couple of months before.
The friend left a wife, Joan and 3 small kids (3 to 7yo). It was hard for Joan since she was a stay-at-home-mom and knows nothing. Doesn’t know how to drive, pay bills, do line banking, their kids’ school, grocery shopping. She was the typical traditional housewife waiting for her husband and kids.
Joan’s parents died after her wedding and her husbands’ were too old to help them.
So, she had to do things herself. We helped her to stand on her feet, slowly teaching her things and giving her some financial cushion. We taught her to drive, do business from home, etc. We were not that close but we still helped because we felt sorry for our friend and the family he left. We thought if it happened to us, we’d need our friends to help our family.
At the gathering, a friend said that’s why it’s important for a woman to not be dependable on men or a husband. You never know what could happen and it’s better to prepare yourself. At least know to do things. Wendy laughed at us. She never helped Joan but didn’t say anything about our contribution. She said her soon-to-be husband is wealthy enough to last her for generations so she wouldn’t worry if he died young.
She can use the money to hire anyone to help her and she wouldn’t need to lift a finger.
Dec last year, Wendy’s husband divorced her and kicked her and their kids out (1 and 3yo). She didn’t have any money, didn’t know how to drive and didn’t have anywhere to go. She asked for help. I heard they hopped from house to house from her friends.
Just last week she reached out to someone from our group. Wendy and the kids lived in her house but only for two days before the friend asked them to leave. Wendy asked me if they could stay with me next.
I said no. I live alone in a small 2 bedroom flat. One room is my bedroom/office. Another is more like a store/wardrobe.
Currently I’m using the room to block my knitted project and my craft projects scattered everywhere. It’s not child safe and I can’t clean everything to welcome them.
But Wendy had the audacity to ask me to sleep in the storeroom and let her and her kids sleep in my bedroom. Uh, no. That’s where my work and my personal belongings are. I can’t move everything for her, I don’t even have the space.
She asked where would they go and what would she do if I don’t help them. She reminded me and our other friends how we helped Joan years ago. How could we not help our friend but can help a friend’s partner? This is where I might be the jerk. I reminded her that Joan was back up after a month. But you still need help even after half year.
This is why us woman have to be independent. Where’s your husband’s money he left for you and the next generations? Our friends are divided. Some say I was wrong but they refuse to help her either. Some say I said the right thing because they were tired of Wendy’s entitled drama. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s amazing how little empathy Wendy had for Joan when Wendy’s husband passed. Not only was she lacking in empathy, but she was also gloating about how great she’d have it if she were in the same shoes.
I do not understand why Joan is couch surfing–there should have been a temporary hearing for child support, custody, and housing right away. In the meantime, Joan needs to look for a dry homeless shelter that has family rooms for her and her children and people who are educated in helping her attain housing and legally getting her husband to do his part.
It’s a long fall from grace when people choose to gloat.” Dramatic-Foundation8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First of all, this story is one the women in my family tells all the girls so that they have the knowledge and the skills to be independent whether or not they’re in a relationship.
That being said, not only does OP NOT have the space for her former friend and her young children but also the same person did NOT learn from their other friend.
At least the first mother was willing to learn how to take care of herself and her family. This other mother believes she’s entitled to handouts, she learned absolutely nothing.” aquavenatus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have room. Your friend sounds super entitled. If her husband had died, that would be one thing because grief is different for everyone. But it sounds like she’s not even trying to sort her life out.
People have been enabling her for too long.” Advanced_Cheetah_552
12. AITJ For Making My Partner Of 12 Years Meet My Cousins?
“I (F, 32) and my partner (M,42) have been together for obviously a while. He has a major problem with anxiety – which being someone with ADHD – I have been totally understanding of.
I have started taking medicine to help with my anxiety and I see the benefits but my partner (R) refuses to seek help. He keeps telling me that he will reach out for help but after a year… I’m starting to lose my patience. I have gone to family events alone for years and it really makes me feel so alone.
My mom’s side is usually just my Mom, Sister and my stepdad.
Now I do have a not-so-great relationship with my stepdad. He has a temper problem and he has done some things over the years that are hard to deal with. R has used this as an excuse to avoid family events with my Mom and at events, with my dad’s family he just says,”I come from a small family so your Dad’s family is overwhelming.”
This has meant that most holidays I spend traveling to family activities while he stays home – alone. When he does come he usually sits on his phone and barely speaks to anyone.
My mom is actually from a big family they all just live up north (I’m in SC they are in MI). Since my sister has just graduated, two of my cousins and their spouses and a child are coming to visit.
I’m very excited about this because I haven’t seen them since before the viral respiratory illness. They came down to visit their Mom in TN then are coming down for a meal, to celebrate with my sister, and finally meet R. My cousins have visited before and R didn’t come to meet them because “They are never here so what’s the point?”
All week he has told me that he would go meet my cousins finally because they are coming down again but he has been complaining about it all week.
Today, he got angry while he was cooking dinner and after dinner said he wasn’t going tomorrow. That no matter what I said or did, it was just too uncomfortable for him, and why did it matter if he met these people, they are never here anyway. Another point he made was that I don’t have to go to his family events (usually just his Mom and him) anymore but most of the time he doesn’t even invite me.
I understand completely that it’s uncomfortable to meet new people, and that family is always hard to deal with especially when it’s not your own but it comes to a point where you need to******* up right? I’m sick of making excuses for him and it’s really rude to my family. Would I be the jerk for making this a big deal because he’s got anxiety?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He’s a grown adult who makes his own choices. If he doesn’t want to meet your cousins he doesn’t have to. If he doesn’t want to get help for his anxiety he doesn’t have to. He shouldn’t be forced to******* up and put himself in an uncomfortable situation just because you tell him to. If you didn’t want to meet his family or friends due to anxiety and he told you to just******* up, wouldn’t you be mad?
But you also don’t have to stay. He doesn’t want to seek help, and he will likely never attend your family events so you need to decide if this is a deal breaker. It’s been 12 years so I doubt he is going to change! He has shown you who he is, now it’s up to you to decide what to do going forward. You also don’t need to make excuses- just tell your family his anxiety is keeping him from attending.” Consistent_Region322
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have a problem that gets in the way of life, especially when it affects your partner, you either need to over come it alone, or get treatment. If you get treatment, and it doesn’t work, well, then you might have a reason to keep not doing the stuff, it depends. But, refusing to do anything to help yourself, while continuing to be difficult to your partner is jerk territory.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anxiety is a self-perpetuating disorder, seldom gets better without intervention. In other words, his continually not seeking support means he’s prioritizing his anxiety and his identity as someone with a disorder above your relationship. He’s told you who he is, act accordingly.” ObviousArt7432
11. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom For Going On Holiday Without Me?
“For context, I (f18) and my mum (38f) don’t get along. My mum moved out of our house when I was 16 and in with her SO who I really don’t get along with due to him being abusive to her and creepy with me.
I’ve been on my own for a year and a half now and I’ve struggled a lot with it because keeping on top of a house while working part-time and being in school full time is really difficult. I am also autistic and have suffered with depression most of my teenage life.
My mum and I have had a lot of issues with her moving out because it left me to feel quite abandoned and struggle a lot.
She feels she’s done nothing wrong because she got her own house at 17 after having my older brother. Anyway, I’ve been managing because I have to and honestly it’s better than living with her emotionally and verbally abusive self.
My mum was up the other day and told me that she’s going on holiday with her partner and my little brother. I got a bit upset about it but as I knew she’d get mad at me for having basic emotions.
I asked her if we could just not talk about it. She got really mad at this. She started shouting about how she should be able to talk about it and it’s not like if want to go anyway and how she hates spending time with me and how I’d ruin it with my “comments” (I can be quite blunt without realizing cause my autism).
It’s not the first time she’s planned a holiday with them and usually, they don’t even go but it hurts all the same that I’m never ever thought about. I’m not really mad she’s going I’m just upset that there was absolutely no consideration for me like she’s not even thought about the fact that her being gone for weeks impacts me in terms of food and bills.
She tells everyone in our family I just wouldn’t want to go because I expressed discomfort with going on a romantic hot tub getaway at some lodge half an hour away they where going on because that is deeply uncomfortable in my opinion. No one wants to be in a hot tub with their mum, her creepy partner and your little brother.
She keeps calling me a jerk for being upset and I’m starting to think maybe I am being a bit unreasonable?
So please let me know if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me get this straight, she moved out and left you to your own devices at 16 years old? You were a minor, still — that absolutely is abandonment and neglect. Your Mom sounds really toxic, and you have every right to feel the way you do. I hope you’re managing well and able to support yourself so you don’t have to put up with that.
You deserve better.” nickgreatpwrful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why are you even having contact with her. Sounds like a toxic relationship. Why I haven’t spoken to my father in 25+ years.” DeepFudge9235
If she's paying bills so you can live apart from her, yes she's a jerk for leaving her daughter, a minor child, but many people manage college and full time work and I'm sorry, but if she's paying your bills she isn't a total jerk.
That said. I understand your being hurt and yes she's the jerk for not thinking of you, BUT you're no longer a minor.
Sorry. Apply for assistance and cut her out of your life.
10. AITJ For Not Speaking With My Mother?
“I (25F) live with my parents (both 58) and brother (30M). The only reason I still live with my parents is because of the crippling mental illnesses I’ve suffered from since I was a kid. My brother has ALWAYS been a problem child, since as young as I can remember, I remember him stealing any and everything he can, from my PlayStations and iPods when I was a kid, to stealing dad’s cars and all the cutlery in the kitchen.
My dad was always livid and my mother always pulled out every excuse in the book to defend him.
By the time he was 21, he had become not only extremely entitled but extremely angry too, we all tried to get him to see a psychologist but I stopped after he said he wasn’t a “weak attention seeker” like me. Fast forward to today and we all walk on eggshells around him.
My parents don’t even confront him anymore when they realize something is missing and have pretty much enabled his behavior.
When I was 21 years old, my mother pressured me into getting a driver’s license (I didn’t want to get one because I was too scared of having a panic attack behind the wheel) and the only reason I did it was because she promised to get me a car if I got I got one.
When I finally got my license, my mother told me that she couldn’t get me a car just yet as she was budgeting to also get my brother a car and she wanted to be fair. (My brother already had a car that my parents got him, he just wrecked it so bad and it had to be written off). She eventually promised me to give both me and my brother 50K (in our currency) each and then we could both buy used cars.
2 months ago, my brother comes to me ecstatic telling me that mom just put 350k into his account to buy himself a brand new car. I waited a week to see how long it would take my mom to tell me herself until I couldn’t take it anymore and straight-up asked her if what I was hearing was true, all she could say to me was “Why can’t you be happy for your brother” and “When you turn 30 I’ll buy you a brand new car just like your brother.”
Honestly, I feel betrayed and hurt and I can’t even look at her in the eyes anymore. My mother’s sisters think I’m being childish, entitled and “evil” AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a grotesquely dysfunctional family and I wish you all the luck in the world. There isn’t anything wrong with your thinking about your brother, and his new car. Unless there is some other place for you to go and be supported then you have to find a way to accept that nothing will change within your family dynamics.
Focus on yourself and your immediate needs. Build coping skills and adapt to situation as they come. Don’t let this cycle of terrible treatment carry on to your own children, if you ever have them. I wish you the very best.” Algieon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – forgive your mother and move on. Your silence won’t change anything. You should look for the good in this situation instead.
This is your opportunity to develop your resilience, self reliance and go out and make your own money. Your parents can’t stand in your way. How else are you supposed to get a car? Your brother may get everything given to him and everything opportunity from your parents, how’s that working out for him? I’d say it’s not going well. Take total responsibility for yourself.
Expect nothing from anyone and anything you do receive will be a really nice extra. So get out there and live your life.” Snoo-74562
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s obvious your mother tries to spoil your brother in hopes of not confronting him. I think this s really wrong, this will make your brother even more angry and end up in worse problems. Try to talk it through with your parents, or also with your brother.
Tell your mother that she is the one that demanded you to get a license, thus promising to get you a car. All the luck!” Upper-Ad6161
In my community there are whole complexes that are set up as low income housing for the mentally ill. I have four friends that live there who have gorgeous one bedroom apartments.
You could also apply for shared living (group home) or supported living (roommates with staff).
If you work you could still apply for housing based on income. There would be a waiting list but you need to be on your own.
9. AITJ For Bullying My Husband Into A Certain Line Of Work?
“The title makes it sound bad for me. But hear me out.
When I (30f) got together w/my now-husband (33m), he had a low-paying manual labor job.
His family has always been poor, and if I’m being honest I don’t think his expectations for himself were very high.
A year and a half ago he got a chance at being in a new industry- and it changed everything. We were able to move with our kids and pets from an apartment to a house, get a new car, pay off past debts.
Things were going better than we imagined. His work ethic (which had been extremely poor in labor jobs) had completely turned around. He was happy.
I was nervous in the back of my mind. I told him as we made these lifestyle changes that we had to keep going forward on the same trajectory- we used to structure things so that my income could pay all the bills because he quit jobs so frequently we had to rely on me.
Throughout the time he worked this job, we started making decisions that weren’t financially sound. He’d say things like “you should die with as much debt as possible” to justify making big purchases on credit cards and would get annoyed or angry if I’d object. If I tried to point out why these were bad ideas I’d be called negative. If I made payments on the cards more than $300 he’d get upset with me.
So now we have $30,000 or so in just credit card debt.
And then he effed up so royally at his job he was fired. I won’t go into detail, but he was 100% at fault and knows it. And he made the decision to go back to the labor job at a pretty substantial pay cut. He said he wasn’t sure the other industry he’d been in was for him anymore and he was really struggling trying to figure out what to do.
I tried to be supportive.
But now we’re in trouble. The poor work ethic raised its head again; he has no paid time off, so if he doesn’t go, he just doesn’t get paid. In the month and a half he’s been back, he’s missed at least 2 weeks.
I told him this weekend, when he chose to stay home again (when we’re already paying rent 4 days late because we just don’t have the money) that this wasn’t going to work.
I’ve been looking for higher-paying jobs because I just finished my degree, but it takes time. I showed him the extent of our financial situation and he said he didn’t realize how bad it was (I’ve been ringing alarm bells for weeks and weeks, even before he quit the other job, about needing to pay down debt) and that he’d go back to the other industry, where he was making significantly more.
He starts a new job next week. But he’s moping and acting so upset about it. I feel like I bullied him into taking a job he doesn’t want. But we restructured our lives around the income he was making, with the expectation that he was going to stay in that industry. I’ve told him once things are in order we should absolutely revisit the issue.
He hasn’t said I’m the jerk, but I’m feeling like one. What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t what bullying is.
Not going to lie, your husband sounds like a bum.
He doesn’t understand that it’s one thing to die with debt but a completely different story to purposefully accumulate debt, at a rate higher and faster than what’s earned, with no intention of paying it back; keep accumulating and eventually, he’ll have problems paying any of it off.
And then they’ll come after anything with his name attached. So unless he’s planning on dying soon, his point of view is just stupid.
And it doesn’t seem to dawn upon him that his choices, from jobs to irresponsible spending, don’t just affect him. It’s affecting all of you. And the problem is that he’s digging himself a huge hole but also taking you and the kids with him.
You’re NTJ.
But he’s a huge one.
And honestly, if this continues, I feel like you need to seriously reconsider any sort of future with him. His attitude and behavior with something as big as this, is what I would expect out of a teenager, and a dumb teenager at that. Not a 33yo. And not a 33yo with a wife and kids.” Sushi_________Roll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am inclined to say he is, but I am feeling this could be more complex than you realize.
I am not a doctor or psych but am a member of the ADHD community. What struck me here is the part where you said “because he quite jobs so frequently.” This is a common theme among those with ADHD, especially untreated ADHD.
Quitting for various reasons is usually related to impulsivity or under-stimulation I hear about a lot. Also more likely to make mistakes resulting in firing as paying attention to certain detail can be difficult. The spending too is a common issue. It could be he just is terrible at managing things. If he has ADHD or a condition causing impulsivity though there may be help via therapy and/or meds.
If one of your kids has it or ends up being diagnosed in the near future good chance it came from him and it might be worth getting an evaluation for him as well. A huge portion of adults find out when their kids get a diagnosis.
Definitely look into counseling (therapeutic and maybe financial). I don’t think there is an easy way you can bring up a possible condition if this is a possibility, so he could get evaluated. A psychologist may be able to help with this.
If there is nothing underlying, he is the jerk. If it turns out there is something he is the jerk if he does nothing to treat it.” RevolutionaryPin6091
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Whoa, you two need to get into some therapy right away. Husband’s attitude about work and money is going to lead you into a life full of stress, desperation, and worry for your children.
You need to decide if you are truly compatible for the long haul.
He got you 300k in credit card debt in a year and a half, doesn’t believe in paying more than the minimum due, and sees this as the correct way of life, he truly doesn’t care about how this will affect his children or you. What a depressing way to live life while you could avoid it.” Laines_Ecossaises
8. AITJ For Corrupting My Daughter's Mind?
“I (24F) have two kids (Allie 4F and James 5MthsM) with my now ex-fiancé Dylan (29M).
We went on a huge family camping trip with my family for my father’s birthday. Dylan wasn’t a fan because he doesn’t like my family but he came anyway. One of my family friends Devin (24M) came along too. Dylan’s not a fan of Devin and they’ve had words before but I told him to get along with him for a weekend.
While camping a few of my cousins, my dad, Devin, and I wanted to fish so we left on a mile hike up a river. I had James in a baby sling while I was carrying his diaper bag. Allie was having a hard time climbing a steep hill as was I. I asked Dylan for help but he ignored me while he played on his phone.
Devin noticed took my diaper bag and helped Allie walk up the hill.
Once we got to the fishing spot, Dylan just sat on his phone while I was trying to help Allie “fish” (she just sits in my lap and holds the end of my pole and thinks she’s fishing lol) when James got hungry. I asked Dylan to help Allie so I can feed James but he just looked at me and told me to figure it out.
Devin stepped in for me while I feed James. Allie even “caught” a fish. Dylan only looked up for a second when Allie tried to show him her fish.
We got back to camp and after Allie made s’mores with Devin’s help, she had to pee so I left James with Devin while I took her into my parent’s trailer where Dylan was. While going potty, Allie told me that she wished that Devin was her daddy.
Dylan overheard and after I sent Allie back outside, he said that I was a terrible mother for letting his daughter want a different dad. I told him that I don’t control what Allie thinks and that he should be a better father, I broke up with him.
He got angry to the point where my teenage cousin had to physically remove him from the situation.
Dylan took the car and left me at the campsite.
I got calls from his mother telling me I’m Satan and that I’m a terrible mother for corrupting Allie’s brain. Devin has been great support letting me vent to him.
I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk? I could have been more clear to Allie that she should be happy with the father she has or just distance her from Devin because of Dylan’s dislike for him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children are truth-tellers, and Dylan hasn’t earned her love or respect. She doesn’t owe it to him. If you don’t have a formal custody arrangement, you need to establish one ASAP—one that protects your child from Dylan. If he gets visitation rights, they should be supervised if you can make it happen. Otherwise it’s likely to turn into a situation where he abandons your daughter to the care of his mother when he has her, and his mother has already demonstrated that she’s likely to badmouth you to your daughter, which will be emotionally damaging to her.
You also need to be careful to manage your daughter’s expectations of Devin. He’s not her father, and it seems possible at this point that he may not have more than a transient role in her life. It was lovely of him to step in and be helpful, and it sounds like he’s a good friend. Unless and until he’s more, keep the boundaries with your daughter clear and firm for both their sakes.” strywever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However I hope you told Dylan’s mother that he said you “should have aborted Allie like he asked me to” cos I guarantee he didn’t mention that. I’d let the dust settle before trying to go any further with Devin, just focus on Allie and James for a bit while you and your ex figure out child support and stuff. I wouldn’t blame you if you asked him to sign away his parental rights though, seeing as how he didn’t want to be a father in the first place.
You didn’t “corrupt” your daughter by the way. Your ex didn’t give her any love or attention so it’s entirely credible that she wishes she had a different dad. All she wants is a dad who actually cares about her and there’s no shame in that. Good luck with the separation, OP. You did the right thing.” MommaLokiLovesYou
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, I’m gonna go with ESH.
Unpopular opinion.
Does Dylan suck wads? Yes. Abundantly clear.
Your kids are innocent in this. That sweet girl enjoying her first time (?) fishing and wanting an active father in her life, I mean heart-melting.
But you aren’t void of blame here. You had kids with Dylan, which in itself kind of makes you the jerk to yourself.
Then, not even a full hour after breaking up with him you are romanticizing this family friend that is so dreamy and your, what, planning your next baby?
Slow your roll. Dylan and his wad knew there was something up, maybe that’s why he didn’t like him to begin with.
Come on. Could this be the next Hallmark movie? Or are you just leaving out all the parts that make you look bad?” ObservantPottery
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ.
From the mouths of babes… they say what they feel, what they want etc., there are no filters.
She just expressed herself.
He sounds awful. I really hope that comment wasn’t made where she could hear it.
If he wants to be acknowledged as a good father, he needs to act like a good father, which is isn’t.
Sounds like he gets offended if someone else steps in to help – like I’m not going to help and no one else can. So childish, arrogant and just a pain in the butt.
I wouldn’t be including him on anything ever again, except maybe invite him to birthday parties.
Glad you broke up with him.
Your daughter will make her own mind up about him eventually. The best thing you can do is assure her how much you love her, how special she is etc., without speaking badly of the ex. just let her work it out. She will no doubt hear bad words about you from him and his mother, just set things straight when she gets home from visits.
Eventually she will decide what her relationship with him will be and i think we can all guess it won’t be close!” bygeez
7. AITJ For Telling My Ex Housemate To Not Come Over?
“I live in a shared house with 4 other people, one of which is my partner (we were already together when we both moved in to the shared house). In general, the house is a very social place, we enjoy having people over and playing board games, watching films, cooking together, etc.
One of the housemates moved out a couple of months ago to an apartment nearby, so he still joins for established plans and is a good friend.
However, today he decided to hang out in our garden with his partner and another friend (who we don’t know), without asking beforehand what our plans were or if it was okay with us. His friend is actually renting the house next door on Airbnb for a month and has its own smaller garden.
The rest of the housemates already had plans (actually out of town), so my gf and I were really looking forward to having the house for ourselves, which is very rare. Mind you, as much as we love our housemates and spending time with them, we are mostly introverts and really cherish the opportunities when we can be alone. So it was a very ungrateful surprise when we woke up to the noise in the garden and a text message from the ex-housemate saying he was coming over to our garden with his gf and friend and that we could join if we wanted. We expected to have the house and maybe even use the garden ourselves in peace and quiet, but it was taken from us without even asking if we were okay with that or had any plans, changing the whole outcome of how we envisioned our day that we had looked forward to the whole week.
We then felt even hesitant to go into the kitchen as it has big windows to the garden (they were right outside) and didn’t really feel like engaging in conversation or activities. He also went inside our house to get cushions for the garden chairs and they also went inside to use the bathroom. After being very anxious about how to deal with the situation (especially as we do have a nice friendship) and talking it over and over among ourselves, we sent him a text message explaining how we thought he was overstepping our boundaries and that we expected to be involved/approve if any plans were happening in our house, not just giving notice that they will happen.
They eventually left after several hours (until late afternoon), but then the ex-housemate sent a message saying how he felt hurt about the situation. Also important to note he basically decided he would keep a key to the house, he caught us in a weak/emotional moment when he was leaving for his new apartment and then we failed to address it afterward as he went through several personal issues and though it was not a good timing for what we think is a sensitive topic (he is very attached to the house as he lived here longer than any of the other current housemates).
So AITJ for telling him he should not make plans in our space without consulting first with us/the current housemates?”
Another User Comments:
“You should have asked him face to face why he was in your garden and who gave him permission. You could have also told him that his unannounced visit disrupted plans you had for the garden. At that point, hopefully, he would have got the message and left.
Get the key back or change the locks. Tell him to let someone at the house know when he’s coming over uninvited (again). Then follow through.
There is a time and place for texting. This wasn’t it. ESH because you really didn’t handle the situation as it should have been handled and the ex-roommate was allowed to keep a key. And he was wrong for trespassing on a property at which he no longer resides.” LDsailor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should understand that his rights to the house went out the window when he moved out, regardless of if he has a key or not. I still have a key to my parents’ house, but I respect their right to have notice if I am going to come to their space. You are well within your rights to ask for notice, and you didn’t tell him he couldn’t use the space ever, you were just asking to be asked or notified in advance.” angelbaby2626
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ; he doesn’t live there anymore and shouldn’t even be allowed to keep a key if he’s just going to invite himself over without even asking if it’s alright, or if you, your gf or other housemates would enjoy his company.” Celestiicaa
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'm As Good As An Orphan?
“My (17F) parents divorced when I was little because of my mom’s unfaithfulness and when my maternal side found out about the unfaithfulness, she was immediately cut off from her own family, no money, no help no nothing.
She ended up marrying her affair partner and went for full custody (that was eventually granted because she was ”my mom”).
I despised her because of that, I was unable to see my dad as much as I wanted and between the two of them, he was the better parent. I also liked my step-mom way more than my step-dad (and in time, even more than my own mom), during the first years my mom used me to get her family back until she had her own kids.
After that, my mom and step-dad practically ignored me and only treated me well whenever they needed a babysitter. My mom also tried to make me stop visiting my dad.
When I turned 13, I was able to choose who I wanted to live with and I moved in with my dad, this enraged my mom and she and her kids trashed my room, but I didn’t care because I was happy to be free, living with my dad was way different and I even began to call my step-mom ”mom”.
I lived with them for 3 years, until last year when my step-mom died of a viral respiratory illness and my dad followed after. I had to go back to my mom’s house.
I’ll admit, she’s better now, she apologized for how she behaved because she attended therapy after I was gone, the house is peaceful, I get my own space, my mother is a loving one and her husband even behaves and when he doesn’t she defends me but I can’t seem to shake the past feelings, from my POV; I’m a orphan.
I lost both my parents and I’m forced to live with someone I don’t like at all.
Last week, my mom asked me what I wanted for my bday and I said nothing, that I was going to spend it at the cemetery because it’s the first one without my parents and I’m not ready to do something yet, she was taken aback and said that she was still here and therefore, I still had a parent, I just shrugged and said that I was as good as a orphan now.
She cried and my step-dad sent me to my room after calling me a jerk.
AITJ? Please avoid any ”give your mother a chance it seems she has really changed” because I will not. I’m out as soon as I turn 18. Not interested in forming a relationship with her.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad she got therapy and it’s at least safe for you to be there, but you’re not a jerk for your feelings.
Her being better now doesn’t erase the past. Unless you said it specifically to hurt her, you’re not a jerk for being honest with her.
She’s allowed to be upset that you don’t see her as a mother, and it doesn’t make her a jerk either. She would be a jerk for her past actions, but that’s not what we’re judging today.
NTJ. There are no winners in this situation, unfortunately.
(The stepdad is definitely a jerk though. He sent you to your room for being honest? And she has to defend you from him when he “doesn’t behave”? Jeez.)” Odd-Astronaut-92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (except the stepfather, obviously). Good on your mother for getting therapy and shaping up. Good on you for knowing your own mind.
I might suggest, though, that you might also want to talk to a therapist. Not necessarily to change your mind about your mother, but to help you make sure you want to make a clean break this early in life.
Hopefully, you’ll have a long and full life. It can be a lot easier with parental figures in it. That certainly doesn’t happen for everyone (you only have to read this subreddit to know that!), but I think it’s worthwhile making sure.” NotAStonerHippie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were blunt, but it sounds like she deserved it after what you went through. Sometimes you have to be blunt to get your point across, and her apologizing doesn’t mean you have to forgive her and her husband.
Some things just can’t be forgotten, and you have lost two people that were incredibly important to you. So sorry for your losses, and good luck moving forward.” Skye-is-falling512
5. AITJ For Being Annoyed My Partner Hung Out With Friends?
“I (f17) am seeing my partner (m16), we are in the same grade and have been seeing each other for two years. For most of the relationship, I have paid for most of the meals and he hasn’t. I didn’t mind too much because I have a job and he doesn’t and it’s a stressful time, especially with the viral respiratory illness.
However, I have been the one planning all of our dates and want to be “taken out” and him to plan one. I expressed this to him months ago, and he agreed and told me multiple times that he felt bad that he wasn’t reciprocating. We decided that after his first paycheck, he would plan a day, find a restaurant, and take me out for a nice meal. Although honestly, it’s not about the money, it’s about him taking the time to plan a date for us.
Well, he’s had his job for a few months and although he is paying for me on casual unplanned outings (as in we got hungry and spontaneously got some food at a casual/ takeout restaurant), he still hasn’t asked me out on a date and taken me out for a nice dinner. I expressed this to him just a couple of times, and he keeps saying that he has been stressed out and busy with work and school but that he hasn’t forgotten.
I didn’t mind this too much because it’s true, he has been working hard and really busy at work and school.
Recently, he has been hanging out with some of his friends on the weekend during the day which I am happy about because like all of us, he lost some of his friends during the viral illness. I even encouraged him to reach out to friends he hasn’t seen in a while.
Two weeks ago was the last time I brought up the date thing and he said that he would plan to ask me out soon.
Today, he hung out with his friends during the day which I don’t mind at all. He also hung out with a different group of friends in the afternoon/ night. The reason why this made me a bit sad is that this wasn’t planned too far in advance which means this Saturday night was open in his schedule at least a week ago and he could’ve used it to plan a dinner with us.
I don’t want to come off as the type of person who controls when their partner hangs out with people, but at the same time, I feel like I have made it clear how important it is to me that he plans a nice date for us. I don’t want to be nagging either since I already brought this up two weeks ago.
I am not angry, just a bit hurt.
So, WIBTJ if I tell him I’m annoyed he hung out with friends instead of planning a date, or should I wait a little longer to see if he plans one on his own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in a one-sided relationship. And I’ll tell you another thing…. There’s always gonna be stress. I have a job too, a stressful one, I also have 2 young children to take care of, bills to pay, a household to run, etc. etc., and I still make the time and effort for people I care about.
You don’t sound like a priority to him. You’ve been asking for MONTHS. How hard is it to pick a restaurant and take you SO on a date? Believe me when I say this, there are better options out there.” ThinEscape511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in a fairly one-sided relationship, and I feel for you, but he isn’t really being a jerk. Maybe he really is very busy with school right now, or maybe he just doesn’t have the interest/headspace right now to plan – I’m guessing he wasn’t the one to plan the evening with his friends.
If his lack of interest in planning your dates continues then you should maybe consider rethinking the relationship, as I can’t see things working out if it’s always you prioritizing him, and never the other way around.” Mirlotta1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a one-sided relationship. He doesn’t care enough to make time to make you feel special, but will go out with friends? You’ve asked him more than once.
It’s really not that hard, it just isn’t a priority to him. He’s made that very clear.” onedayatatime08
4. AITJ If I Ask Somebody Else's Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (23F) am getting married next year and have no idea who to have walk me down the aisle. My dad was a horrible, abusive man who was absent for most of my life and died a few years ago. I never thought he would walk me down the aisle even before learning he would not even be alive to be able to.
My aunt and uncle never had kids and my uncle became the most important man in my life after my parents divorced. When I thought about my future wedding day, I imagined it would be him who would walk me down. Then, he and my aunt had a pretty nasty divorce and since he was my uncle by marriage, not b***d, he was essentially excommunicated and we haven’t really had any contact.
Even if I did want to have a relationship with him still, I was instructed by my mom not to tell anyone else in the family for fear that it might upset my aunt, but that’s a whole other issue. Needless, to say, having him at my wedding even as a guest now would cause major uproar and tick a lot of people off.
Then I thought my grandfather would do it.
I would more or less have to have “walked” him down the aisle in his wheelchair but he, unfortunately, passed away about 2 years ago.
There are no other men in my family I could ask to do this; however, my parents had good family friends from before I was born that even though everything my parents went through, continued to be supportive friends. They are a husband (G) and wife (R) and have 1 daughter (M) who is about 30.
G has always been a father figure to me and has told me and others numerous times that he thinks of me as a daughter. While I don’t necessarily agree with this, he tells me and others how proud he is of me and how he wishes M could have been more like me. I know she knows he says these kinds of things to me and is not happy about it.
I wanted to ask him to do it as he has been the only consistent man in my life and I honestly don’t know who else I would ask. I’m not sure if I would be the jerk though, because G is M’s dad and she hasn’t been married yet; knowing her though, I’m not sure she ever will get married. I know I don’t have to have someone walk me down the aisle and it is archaic in meaning, but it was a tradition I always wanted to partake in in my wedding.
My mom initially liked the idea, then told me I shouldn’t because M will probably be upset because I’m 99% certain G would be ecstatic to do it. So, WIBTJ to ask someone else’s dad to walk me down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You already know this man’s daughter is bothered by the favor he has shown you. It would likely feel like a punch in the gut to her if he walked you down the aisle.
It seems like you just want someone, almost anyone to walk you down the aisle for optics more than anything else. Don’t be so selfish about this and let this “friend” of yours have this one thing with their Dad that doesn’t involve you.
P.S. Consider walking by yourself as a show of independence or with your mother as a show of gratitude.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
G Is the obvious choice, having been a father figure to you throughout your life. Because literally, that’s what giving somebody away at a wedding is.
His daughter isn’t even engaged and really whether she gets married or not him giving you away has nothing to do with her. She may not see it that way and it could be a problem, yes…
It may be best to forego the tradition if you don’t want to have any additional drama. But if you want somebody to walk you down the aisle then it should be who you want, and that seems to clearly be G.
Good luck, enjoy your wedding, and don’t let this be about somebody else.” Snoo_7492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’d check female relatives and good friends (it doesn’t have to be a man, or a father figure, or someone older than you) or depending on the wedding theme (like of it by chance Disney stuff, some Disney character, or just some book/movie character you like) hire an actor or whatever.
But honestly, if you don’t have anyone close, walking alone is better than having someone totally unrelated.” tatasz
3. AITJ For Asking A Girl How She Could Be So Happy With A Charity Case?
“I’m a senior in high school. A new girl, Sara (17) came to our school a few months ago. My friend, Alex (f18) felt bad for her so she invited her to eat lunch with us.
Sara started talking about how she just moved in with her uncle and her parents aren’t in the picture.
Alex felt bad for Sara so she “adopted” Sara as her “new big sister.” Since then, Sara has had Alex at her beck and call. If Sara needs help with her homework, Alex stays after school to help her. Alex packs extra snacks in case Sara doesn’t have a lunch or if she’s still hungry after lunch.
Last week our school had a trip to an amusement park. It was supposed to be for seniors but it’s a pretty small school and we didn’t even fill up a bus so we were allowed to invite juniors. Alex invited Sara and Sara got sick in the middle of the first night. She spent 6 hours in first aid and as soon as Alex heard, she went to first aid to stay with her even though Sara was with a chaperone.
For the rest of the trip, she would sit out of rides if Sara didn’t feel like she could go.
Also, there was a boy who was flirting with Sara for the entire trip. Sara was pretty into him the first day and even spent around 4 hours with him but after she got sick she didn’t want to go anywhere with him and didn’t seem interested in him.
He was being kind of persistent the second day and Alex yelled at him to leave Sara alone even though he wasn’t really doing anything bad and Sara seemed to have fun with him the day before.
On the bus ride home, Sara started to complain about feeling sick again so Alex took her blanket off and gave it to Sara and let Sara lie down and put her head on her lap.
I was tired of Sara always being so needy around Alex so I asked how she could be so happy being such an obvious charity case and that Alex only does everything for her because she feels bad for her.
Sara started to cry and Alex cursed me out and called me an evil witch. Alex hasn’t spoken to me since and we used to be close so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Alex is friends with Sara and you need to accept this. You have two options, continue to make up reasons why it’s a bad thing and ruin your friendship with Alex by lashing out at Sara, or try genuinely getting to know Sara and gaining a new friend. If you really like Alex you should understand why Sara does too, and you should stop trying to make Alex’s life hard over this.
My high school best friend met a new best friend “Katy” in college and they were really up each other’s butts for a year. I made friends with Katy and I instantly realized it was silly to be stressed over it. Katy later told me her old best friend spiraled and got super mean to her from jealously, that they didn’t talk anymore, and how much she appreciated me being a friend to her too.
Now we’re thirty and we all still see each other, you can have that too, just talk to Alex about how you’re feeling and apologize to everyone.” Super3DWetHole
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ here, OP.
I think this is a case of jealousy on your part. There’s nothing inherently wrong with anything Sara has done, like, at all. She’s just existing and being herself with her two new buddies (being you and Alex).
Obviously, she and Alex are closer and I think this was an irrational emotional/possessive reaction to seeing someone else get closer to someone you view as being YOUR close friend.
That reaction wasn’t fair to Sara, nor was it fair to Alex, and I think an apology is in order. This whole situation just kind of reads as blatant insecurity. It’d be beneficial to sit and think for a good long time about why you’re actually feeling the way you are about Sara, and then form an apology based on that using self-focused, not accusatory, language.
Have a sit-down and talk to them about how you felt in the moment and why (apologize first of course), try to come up with compromises that will allow you to become closer with both of them again if you do want to salvage the friendship.
Crap like this just happens sometimes OP. It’s a very natural human reaction to have when you feel your standing with someone you care about is threatened. BUT!
Just because it’s a natural reaction doesn’t mean it’s right to act on it. Take some time to clear your head, reflect, and make sure you’re in a calm state of mind if and when you do decide to approach them again.” Giomunni
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, a small one. It seems as if she’s milking the sympathy train due to a bad childhood. I wouldn’t say you’re jealous but upset about your friend possibly being used. Tell Alex what you’re feeling and keep your mouth shut when the other girl is around.
But do try and apologize by telling her you to read the situation wrong and are wary of new people. If she is truly a sympathy seeker Alex will figure it out soon. Much luck to you!!!” curlyhairfairy
2. AITJ If I Set Super Strict Boundaries With My Partner?
“Recently, my (20NB) partner “Dustin” (20M) broke up with me. He was not over his ex “Grace” (21F), and he cited it as a distraction in our relationship. We parted on good terms, as we had not been together very long, and I was understanding of the situation, and I appreciated his honesty. Dustin and Grace got back together about a month after he and I broke up, and then proceeded to break up three weeks into their new relationship.
Grace is a mutual friend of mine. I don’t hang out with her that often but we do have “girls nights” together occasionally. I was hurt, but honestly supportive of their choice. It didn’t affect my relationship with either of them that much. I didn’t expect her relationship with Dustin to last very long, as she has broken up and gotten back together with Dustin a total of six times though.
And of course, it didn’t.
Anyways, Dustin asked me out again yesterday. I said yes. He’s a good friend of mine, and I really enjoyed our relationship, plus we already were planning on getting an apartment together off-campus. I’m excited for this second chance to be able to date my best friend, and I really hope that it works out.
My question is that I really want to make it clear he only has one chance with me.
His lingering feelings for Grace really hurt me, and I don’t want it to ruin our romantic relationship again. I want to set some ground rules to avoid further heartbreak.
-
I want to ask him if he is absolutely sure about his choice. That I am not a rebound, and I don’t want him flip-flopping between the people he cares about. He can’t have both of us, so he has to make up his mind about who he wants.
-
That if he breaks up with me he cannot expect a third chance. I’m not going to be like Grace and continuously allow that sort of heartbreak into my life.
-
That we completely start over. I won’t allow this to be a continuation of last time we were seeing each other. We work the romantic relationship up.
-
That if he goes back to Grace, he is out of my life.
I will not be betrayed.
I feel like while these are appropriate boundaries to set in my head, telling him may be a little harsh. I don’t want to damage my relationship with him, but especially not either of our relationships with Grace. I always preach that I give multiple chances, but this time for my own mental health he is not getting more than one additional chance.
I also want to make my expectations to be 100% clear so we can get back on the best start. But I don’t want to start off a relationship by being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Jerk? No. Fool? Oh heck ya. You know EXACTLY how this dude rolls. With drama, with ambiguity, with hot and cold breakups and make-ups. You could tell him to turn into a Zebra and that’s not gonna grow him some stripes.
What you want and what you say and what he agrees to all pale in comparison to who he is. He’s a drama dude.
Do not get back together with this guy unless you want on the drama train- that’s the only train ticket he’s offering. And sign a lease with him??? No no no no. NTJ.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your boundaries are there for your comfort and protection.
If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they are disrespecting you as a person.” swisher07
1. AITJ For Not Telling My BIL To Live With Us?
“My husband’s brother got out after 3 years in prison for illegal substance trafficking. My husband wants him to come live with us for a few months because the halfway house he is in now has a lot of illegal substance use it and he is worried his brother will relapse.
He joined a gang there which he claims he only did to survive and my husband says he has gang tattoos but not on his face.
I don’t trust him one bit, I don’t know the guy very well since he got locked up shortly after my husband and I started seeing each other but his own mother won’t let him go back to live with her.
My MIL is a nice lady, we’ve had our disagreements but I won’t say she’s a bad person.
If she won’t let her son go back that tells me all I need to know. I know he stole from her prior to his arrest and I’m worried that he will do the same to my family if he is allowed into our home.
We also run an Airbnb in our basement that is doing very well and constitutes a portion of our income.
My husband argues he pays the bills so he should get the final say as to whether he can put his brother in our home and stop our Airbnb business. I became a stay-at-home mom during the viral respiratory illness because child care was hard to find and unaffordable. Before that, I made about the same as my husband and I paid for the down payment of the house too.
For him to say that makes me want to get my old job back because he seems to forget he couldn’t afford to buy the house on his own.
Basically, he thinks because he is the breadwinner now he can make decisions without my ok and I’ve told him the second his brother comes to our house, I’m packing up with the kids and leaving for my mom’s.
We have had many fights about this where he accuses me of being heartless for not being willing to take in his brother and I remind him his children should be his top priority and that having a man fresh from prison with gang tattoos move-in isn’t good for them. AITA for not being willing to let my BIL move in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his mother won’t take him in, you shouldn’t either.
Does he have a job? Go to meetings?
How does your husband know the halfway house has a lot of illegal substance use? While that could be true, it’s more likely your BIL doesn’t like the restrictions and wants to live somewhere with fewer rules.
Is he on parole? If so, he can’t just switch living arrangements without clearing it with his parole officer.
The presence of children in your house might be an issue.
You are right to not let your husband pull the “I earn the money, I make the decisions” baloney. Follow through on moving out with the kids, if you must.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is out of his mind, you both have no idea who this man has become whilst he’s been in prison and there’s no telling who he could be bringing to the house behind your back and/or around your kids.
Real change needs to be seen first and you also want to tell your husband that CPS could get involved if he is deemed a danger to them at any point so he really wants to consider whether or not he wants them breathing down his neck.
He should be putting you first. Agree you should leave and resume your employment if you have to, the fact he seems to think he has the upper hand at a time when you’ve had to quit work for the sake of your children is incredibly vindictive and controlling.
He will regret this if he does not change his ways, and especially more so if his brother hasn’t changed his ways.” Sensitivesoul0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re serious enough about your husband’s actions to move out of the family home- don’t. Go see a family law attorney. This is your marital asset. You don’t want him and his brother ruining your house and disrupting/uproot your children’s lifestyle.
Why should you move? Once you “move out” and separate he doesn’t have to let you back in. Then he gets the house with his brother and collects the rent monies. Rent can be as expensive as a mortgage. You also don’t want your husband to depreciate the value of your home should it become an illegal substance house.
This is financial horrible treatment and control.
Not sure if you also suffer from threats of violence or verbal harassment from your husband. You may have grounds to remove him from the family home and request some child and spousal support.
Course this route is very extreme and you don’t need to tell him your plan. This is pure divorce. You remove him completely. Husband and brother can cohabitate in their own place.” Dry-Onion1419
Another User Comments:
“ESH, so you don’t know him at all, yet you’ve made up your mind that he’s irredeemable. Even though this move could mean the difference between him relapsing or turning his life around. I don’t think you’re basing this off of anything more than a knee-jerk reaction and trying to stick it to your husband for being the current breadwinner.
Meet him before you make this call, not everyone with a past is permanently undeserving of a future.” Lorraine221
