People Worry If They're Loved In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A House My Parents Chose For Me?
“I am 21 M, I used to study business marketing in Canada after passing high school but after 2 semesters I dropped out of college because it was not aligning with my career and had no future in it and with that thought, I came back to India to focus on my career in finance.
I have made a good chunk of money in the recent 2 quarters. I always stay in my room and never go out with friends. I have deleted all my social media accounts to help me focus. I showed my parents my Canadian bank account with a great amount in it.
They are happy but now they are putting pressure on me to buy a house and have already given 1L as the booking amount but I wouldn’t say I like the locality of the house and it’s in a corner.
And the house is gonna cost around 800K for total build which will almost take 70% of my savings.
We also have house loans and previous education loans amounting to 102K. I promised them to clear all the loans by November but they don’t listen and only want me to pay 50% of the house by the end of the week. They never talk about anything else except the house.
They never ask how I am. I just tell them to wait for a few months then we can proceed but they just don’t listen. I just cry every day and don’t what else to do. My family is not so great with finances. I am just trying to be cautious we already have a house so I am not in a hurry to buy a house.
I don’t have any friends, my partner broke up with me last year and I haven’t moved on yet and whenever I try to find peace my parents start their torture. I always find myself in thoughts and just leave the house but I do feel pity for my parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are not a slave to your parents. You get to do your things that would make you happy, and you don’t owe them anything especially if all they care about you is a house. I highly suggest reading r/asianparentstories, seeing a therapist, and undoing a lot of trauma that your parents have caused you.
Also maybe consider going low or no contact for your mental health.” AwesomeAsian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for showing them your bank balance. You knew this would happen. The second you showed them they saw it as theirs. Now what do you do? I don’t know.
Lesson learned perhaps. You don’t owe them another home. The only way out is a fib I’m afraid. You lost it all on the share market perhaps?” memydelfandi4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But seriously. If you are this dedicated to your career and are an adult MOVE OUT!
Don’t give me that “It’s my family duty” nonsense if you are going to complain about it. Move out, and take care of yourself. Pay off your loans and start planning your own life. Loving your parents doesn’t mean letting them dictate your every move or take all your money.
They have had their chance to be independent adults and to raise their families. It’s your turn to make your own life.” SubjectBuilder3793
23. AITJ For Being A Safe Space For My Fiancée's ADHD Diagnosed Nephew?
“I’m (27M) engaged to my fiancée Tillie (26F) and we spend a lot of time around her family. I have ADHD and don’t speak to my family because they “don’t believe in ADHD” and neglected to help me throughout my childhood so it was rough and they were pretty unkind to me.
I got a diagnosis at 20 after losing several jobs flunking out of high school and struggling to stay afloat. The diagnosis changed my life. I was able to get my GED at 23. Didn’t do great but way better than I ever did in school.
Tillie and I met before I completed it and she saw me at some of my worst points.
I met her family 3 years ago and instantly recognized her nephew (now 7) was showing signs of ADHD. She had picked up on it too but her brother and SIL were against getting him evaluated. She told me they would not be receptive to me speaking to them so I left it alone.
But whenever we were around we did our best to show him understanding that his parents struggled to show.
He was formally diagnosed in March after his current and former teachers reached out together and expressed concerns about his ability to concentrate and his struggles with staying still.
Other family members told Tillie’s brother and SIL they should seek the eval so they could know once and for all. However, they believe ADHD is used to “excuse bad behavior” and excuse poor planning and consideration (not paying attention). So they don’t want him on meds or in therapy.
Tillie’s nephew struggles with school and with not breaking things. He has so much energy and he’s always running and he bumps into things, loses focus and he drops stuff or misuses them without meaning to. This annoys his parents and they choose to discipline him like he doesn’t have ADHD instead of helping.
They believe he’ll learn that ADHD can’t excuse stuff.
Members of the family have spoken up and Tillie and I did together but were quickly dismissed. Someone from CPS visited because of the refusal to accept any therapy/meds but did not intervene. They’re still annoyed about it.
Instead of rocking the boat with them too much, I decided to just be a safe space for Tillie’s nephew and I let him talk to me about it because he knows I also have ADHD. His parents don’t like this. They get annoyed when they hear him tell me stuff about the trouble he has.
They say I’m letting him dwell on it instead of him learning how to accept he can’t use ADHD as an excuse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My parents heard my diagnosis when I was 6, and never told me. Many of the same reasons, with a side fear of thinking I would be shoehorned into SPED if the school found out.
For 22 years I thought I was broken. I thought I was lazy. I thought if I just Tried Harder it would all work, and it was my fault it didn’t. You’re doing a good thing here mate. Keep making the world better. Make them force the issue, and keep making them force the issue, don’t stop helping him.” Scary-Welder8404
Another User Comments:
“As one of the many undiagnosed middle middle-aged who discovered they had ADHD when it got worse in my early 40s, please please continue to be that space. I’ve never been able to get medicated (fun NHS lottery because of where I live) but just understanding what’s going on in my brain and that neurotypical people don’t struggle with things the way I do has been huge.
I’m dealing with SO much grief and anger over how much easier my life could have been if I’d had this knowledge earlier (have lost an obscene amount of potential earnings and savings due to burnout, women with ADHD are much more vulnerable to getting into abusive relationships, the sheer amount of self-flagellation I put myself through for not being “better”)… He might not be able to access proper medication and help until he’s out from under his parent’s control, but you can make a huge difference in his life by understanding and helping him work out coping mechanisms. NTJ.” MorningLanky3192
22. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Cleaning My Room In Her House?
“I’m in a difficult time in my life which has me moved back in with my parents with my two small children. My parents are older and retired but have graciously opened their home to us and done so much to help out in many, many ways.
My mom is a control freak (admitted) and a neat freak. We spoke about how this would be hard on her before we came because I wanted everyone’s eyes to be open. I’m trying to fit into her home and her rules (which aren’t too crazy or anything.
Some things are a little intense to me. But whatever, it’s her house.)
The conflict has been that she’s continually come into my room to clean. I’m not the neatest person but not a total slob. Average I’d say but do get behind because of the two small children.
I’ve asked her repeatedly not to bother with my room, just leave it, I need a space where I don’t have to feel the anxiety and pressure of trying to fit into her home and her rules.
Thursday the cleaning lady came and she once again prepped my room for her.
I begged her to please just stop and let me handle it. If I don’t get it prepped enough, the cleaning lady can just skip it and I’ll vacuum it. She agreed and I thought we’d finally laid it to rest.
Then this morning (Sunday) she came downstairs and let me know she’d installed extra shelves in the closet to better hold the kid’s linens.
Which she had refolded and organized in said shelves. The way the linens had been was fine, I’d had no issues, and hadn’t complained. There was no problem to fix.
I removed the shelves, returned the closet to how it was, and texted her that I felt disrespected and like she was ignoring the boundary that she’d agreed to.
I was assertive but not rude. I can post the screen grabs of the back and forth if it helps. She gave excuses that she was just trying to help and it was a nice thing.
Later I asked for an apology and wanted to talk it out.
She dug in and we got a bit heated.
So? AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I always cringe when somebody talks about deserving or demanding an apology. If your mother feels sorry for what she did, she might apologize, but demanding an apology is useless.
You can’t control her words or actions. All you can do is say how you felt about what she did and reiterate what your needs are. You might also ask why she continues to come into your room when you’ve specified she should not.” Regular_Boot_3540
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but slightly (and by no means is it meant personally!). Was going to say NTJ, but the removing the shelves part tipped it. As a child, fostering boundaries is important, but as an adult with kids, you need to understand you’re not entitled to your parent’s space and how they keep it.
The bottom line is, clean freak or not, your mom wants that room kept a certain way. You are a guest in her house as an adult, and it’s a sign of respect to keep the room the way the host expects it regardless of relations unless you are paying to stay in that room.
This all aside, I have a loving mom but she also is a control freak and obsessively cleans. Her house at any point of the day, you can walk in and take pictures for magazines. She was diagnosed with d OCD, but this diagnosis didn’t come till I was 24, I hated it while growing up and thought it was so unreasonable, but as an adult, I now understand the disorder which made understanding her easier.
I found it disarms my mom and makes her back off when I consistently out-clean and out-organize her, which gives me space to relax.” TheRedFaye
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it was just an organizer thing. Is this a big deal? She didn’t go cleaning, just organizing a shelf.
It’s her house and she obviously can’t handle the idea of even one room being messy or disorganized. If it is a big issue for you, then you need to work on getting financially stable enough to move. Right now though, you are under her roof so you will have to learn to accept and adapt.
It will be hard, but do it for the sake of your kids. If you stress your mom out too much she might make you move out, and if that happens it might be before you are financially stable. So, try to make things work for now.
And best of luck” Disneylover-4837
21. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Weekend School For Gifted Kids?
“I am the daughter a lot of traditional/Asian moms would dream of. I’m the top student in my school and probably be going to medical school, I’m B2 in English and I always get A+ if not A++.
I never wear revealing clothes, not because I think nobody should wear them but because I don’t feel comfortable in them. I’m 16 and have never had a partner, don’t flirt with guys (I don’t know how to flirt) I even didn’t tell my crush I liked him back when he confessed to me because my parent wouldn’t allow me to be in a relationship.
I don’t go out with my friends much, often study at home. But there’s one thing…
I’ve been going to a stupid school for gifted kids at weekends since I was in 3rd grade, it was miles away from my house and my parents had to drop me off or pay a bus driver to drop me off with other so-called gifted kids.
They made us study math and science that we couldn’t understand, it was upper-grade math so it was not weird for me to not understand though some kids did understand it. I was not only taking normal lessons but also musical stuff. I took an exam to get into that school and I wish I didn’t.
Anyway, for the past two years (since I started high school) they made me do “projects” and present them to judges.
And I hated it. But I presented them for the year’s sake. But now, I’m in 11th grade and I have to study my backside off if I want to continue being the top student and I don’t want to go to that school every weekend + take online lessons every Thursday.
But my mom does not want me to drop off that “quickly”. I understand how she feels, she doesn’t want me to just throw all the hard work away. But I just don’t want to do it. Last week we had a huge fight and I screamed my lungs out how I didn’t want to go there and stuff but she couldn’t understand.
And I said “YOU DON’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE” and she said “You didn’t mean anything to me from the start.” And left me speechless, she said “I’ll turn your life miserable” and I said “You already did” and she hasn’t spoken to me since.
I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the jerk for wanting to prioritize your studies and well-being. Understandably, your mom feels invested in your “gifted kid” school journey, but it’s ultimately your life, and you have the right to make decisions about your education and happiness.
It’s heartbreaking that your mom said those hurtful things, but don’t let her words define you. You are valuable, and you deserve to pursue what makes you happy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your mum sounds like a real piece of work. She’s supposed to be the adult, yet she’s behaving just like you, a teenager.
By the way, you can’t “make” your mum hates you: she’s an adult and is responsible for her reactions, thoughts, and feelings. If she hates you, that’s 100% on her, not you. The fact is, your mum has been dumping her expectations and wishes on you from a very young age, and you’ve bowed to it, as most kids do.
Now, you’re starting to make some of your own decisions, and mum doesn’t like it! You’re still financially dependent on your parents, so it’s very hard to manage conflict and rejection. But I can’t help wondering, so what if she’s not talking to you? Will that cause any practical harm to you?
I think she’s been emotionally abusing you for a long time, and is doing so now. “The silent treatment” is a form of mistreatment, designed to control and dominate another person by “punishing” them for disobedience. Threatening to make your life miserable is also abusive.
Is there another adult in your life that you can talk to for support? I’m concerned about your well-being and hope you can find a path through it. You’ll soon be independent and able to determine your own life, but that probably feels a long way off right now!
NTJ and I hope you find the help you need.” starkcattiness4433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Often during very heated arguments people say things they don’t mean when their emotions get the better of them. What you need to do is to allow for both you and your mother to cool down sufficiently so you two can have a more reasoned discussion of this school, your future, and the effect it would have if you were to end your studies there.
I don’t think either one of you meant what was said. You need to list out the pros and cons of this school and discuss them with your parents. Maybe then you all can come to a meeting of the minds what is the best course for you and your future.” PumpkinPowerful3292
20. AITJ For Returning My Nephew To His Home After My Brother Left Him With Me Unexpectedly?
“I (26m) have an irresponsible brother(28), he’s always had a mindset of acting on the first thought.
So he married a girl after knowing her for about 7 months, then had a baby with her. All his decision and I’m fine with it if it makes him happy. They divorced (not officially since neither of them can afford it), about three months after they had their baby, my nephew.
He lives with my brother and my dad who are roommates. Now, I’ve made it clear I don’t want children, I love working around them and can be cheery as can be with them, but I don’t want them. My brother has asked me about four times to watch him because he knows I’m so good with children.
Every time I was either reluctant or I simply couldn’t because I have a full-time job.
This is where a line was drawn. My dad has stalked me for many years after I cut him off, and found out where I lived (he’s done this every time I moved), and my brother spammed my doorbell and said “I really have an emergency and no one else to go to, I just need you to watch him until I can get a sitter.” Fine by me, it’s an emergency so he says.
I didn’t choose to ever be responsible for this kid but in an emergency, I get it even if it is my day off. Turns out his emergency was he needed to clock in to work and our father was asleep from his night job, found out by calling his work in a little panic about his situation.
So he had my address I never gave to him, dropped his baby off, and said it was an emergency.
So I don’t even have milk, or diapers, or a car seat (unless the carrier counts, I wouldn’t know), so I drove extremely carefully with this child who is like 1 year old to his apartment and banged on the door and when my sleepy father angrily opened the door I just placed him in the mud room of their apartment and left. My brother called me hours later and was furious, saying “You can’t even give a few hours of your day for your nephew?
He’s your family you know?” I blocked him as a result but I know it isn’t the child’s fault. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You left the child with an adult who presumably had the supplies to look after him, it’s not as if you abandoned him.
I’d keep your brother blocked and move on with your life. Do consider getting some kind of security system or something so you can see him coming if he tries to do this (or worse) again, though.” laughinglovinglivid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If that ever happens again you need to call child protective services. The carrier probably clicks into a base to be a car seat but without the base, it’s not functional as a car seat.
With no food or diapers, what did he expect you to do with the baby?” Nikkian42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Basic babysitting for a baby for a person who does not have a child already of a similar age is a diaper bag. Your brother dropped the ball.
If you unblock him, next time he has an emergency direct him to check online to see if your city/county has a crisis care child center.” becoming_maxine
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share The Office Microwave?
“I work at a large food company in our science and technology HQ with several experts in various aspects of food science.
We only have 2 microwaves at work for a couple hundred employees so for those who bring their lunch it can get pretty busy, especially on days when there are a lot of people in the office. People have this habit of putting multiple food items in the microwave from different people, so if there is space while you are using the microwave, it’s common for someone to approach you and say “Hey, can I put my stuff in the microwave together with yours?”
This drives me crazy, because from my understanding of how a microwave works, it can’t magically output more than its max power (1000 Watts for our microwaves I think) and so if you put 0.5L of food in the microwave and heat it at max power, 1000 Watts, and it takes 2 minutes to get hot, if we double the food amount to 1L it will take 4 minutes.
If I do this in series, one after the other, I have to wait 2 minutes, then you go after, you have to wait 4 minutes (2 mins for my food, 2 mins for yours), so the total wait time is 6 mins. If we do it in parallel, we both have to wait 4 minutes, so the total wait time is 8 minutes.
This doesn’t affect your wait time as the person adding food, but it does affect mine as the person initially using the microwave!
I feel that people in my company, who work in science and technology, should know this and I get sick of saying no to people when they ask me, which happens pretty much every time I use microwaves.
If I just say no without explaining, I seem like a grumpy jerk, if I explain myself, I seem like a know-it-all-all. It’s at the point where I’m more reluctant to even use the microwaves because I don’t want people to think I’m a jerk for not wanting to share.
Should I stick to my guns, safe in the knowledge that others are being irrational, or should I accept that my time is wasted in the interest of being polite and avoiding confrontation? I’ve asked colleagues and had views on both sides, so I need your help to break the tie!
Or am I just dumb and don’t understand how microwaves work?”
Another User Comments:
“I would be more concerned about the tastes of the food getting mixed up due to the steam. But if that isn’t a worry, I wouldn’t make enemies over this issue.
So you lose 2 minutes, during which you chat and network with your co-worker. Not the end of the world.” Zealousideal_Till683
Another User Comments:
“Start a petition among your coworkers asking for 10 microwaves to be installed in the eating area. Present it to management. If that doesn’t work, contact your HQ and ask them to donate 10 microwaves.
The last solution, all of you to start looking for used microwaves to buy for cheap online and bring them to work. Bring proof of how much it cost and ask all colleagues to chip in to pay back the person who bought it. NTJ but the problem is not your coworkers.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Start bringing salads to work. If there is a mad rush at lunch with only two microwaves per hundred people, you will not be liked if you try to break the sharing habits. Also, your physics is off, microwaves are far from 100% efficient so they do not work exactly in proportional math.
Generally doubling the serving amount will probably lengthen the time to cook only by 30-50%. Now there is a problem with food bowls being off-center and not cooked evenly, but still, you will not be liked if you start monopolizing the shared ovens.” thepatriot74
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son's Disrespectful Friend To Sleepover?
“My son is 10 years old and his friend is 10 as well. My son is always asking for this kid to sleep over and I always say no. This child who I’ll call A is so ignorant I never met a child like him before.
For my son’s birthday, there was a water balloon fight. I said, throw them at each other because the kids were in swimsuits. I said please don’t throw them at the adults. A proceeded to throw multiple at me and my sister. I said no and he didn’t listen.
I asked him why did he that after I told him please not to throw at the adults he said “Because I know you can’t do anything and I can’t get in trouble”.
Fast forward a few weeks it’s football season he plays for the same team my son does.
A was wearing swim trunks. I said hey why are you wearing them? I was going to offer to grab him a pair of shorts because I thought he’d be uncomfortable in them. I thought his mom forgot he had practice. I also live close to where the field is where they practice.
He then said loudly in front of players and their parents why else would I wear them I went swimming DUH! He didn’t say this in a joking way he said it very rudely.
A few days ago my son and his friends were at a football game and one of the parents said they dropped my son off after the game I said okay.
My son came in with A and I said hi A what’s up he walked directly past me and my husband and didn’t say anything, nothing at all. My son asked could have A sleepover I said no. They go upstairs for about 10 minutes and come back down A goes in my fridge I say what do you need he goes what does it look like a drink.
Also, A had tried to take several of my son’s funk o pops I said A where are you going with them he said my son said he could have them. My son never said that, my son collects them and keeps them in the box.
The thing is when I said no to A sleeping over my son then called me racist because A is black. I told him the reason I don’t let A sleep is that he’s very disrespectful. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a parent, I would contact his parents and tell them about his behavior.
In that conversation, I would also say, that when he is in your home, you DO get a say, as you are the adult and it IS your home. You have some rules, and as a guest, no matter the age, guests must follow those rules.
You should also make this clear to your son and his friend. It is not too much to ask, to be a good guest. If he had been in my home, I would have told him his behavior was not acceptable and sent him home.
He might not get in trouble at home, as per his statement, but your home is not his home” Initial-Company3926.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your decision not to allow your son’s friend to sleep over is based on the child’s behavior, not race. A has consistently shown disrespect towards you, your home, and others.
Ignoring your requests, making rude comments, and trying to take things without permission are all valid reasons to set boundaries. It’s essential to teach your son that respect and manners are important, regardless of who someone is. It’s also understandable that your son may be confused or upset, especially if he enjoys A’s company.
However, you can explain to him that race has nothing to do with it and that it’s about how people act. You’re prioritizing a respectful and peaceful environment in your home, which is fair and reasonable.” EmiOA
17. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Neighbor For Accusing Me Of Noise And Filming Me?
“I (22F) live alone in a townhouse apartment.
I moved in about two months ago and everything has been great so far. I have the lower apartment which means I have neighbors living above me. About two weeks ago, I got a letter in my mailbox from the neighbor above me complaining about a noise.
She said it was a loud thumping noise happening at night and said she thought I was exercising. I wish I was exercising, but in reality, at that time, I was probably on my couch watching West Wing.
I responded to the letter, politely apologizing several times, but explaining that I did not know what noise she would be referring to.
I promised that I would try to stay quiet just in case. After this, I never got another complaint and assumed that everything was fine.
Until tonight when I heard banging on my door at 10:30 PM. I was freaked out so I didn’t want to open my door, but the banging didn’t stop so I eventually peeked out my window and saw a woman standing there.
I cracked my door and asked if everything was OK and I realized it was that neighbor. She said she was hearing the noise again and when I said I wasn’t doing anything she told me that she had filmed me making the noise and could see my shadows.
At this point, I got freaked out and apologized again but I genuinely had no idea what noise she was talking about. She said it was a loud thumping so loud that it was shaking her apartment. Again, she lives above me so if there was any noise would I not hear it too?
I eventually gave up and apologized again but shut my door. I could not get the whole “filming and recording me” thing out of my head so I called my mom. I know that’s immature but again I am 22 and have never been in this situation before.
She told me to call the non-emergency police number and contact my landlord.
The police told me they were sending someone but never did. The person I talked to asked me several times if I had seen photos and videos of myself on her phone and I had seen one video and then her camera roll where it looked like there were more.
I now feel like I overreacted, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Neighbor sounds like they have mental health issues. Filming and photographing in the open public is generally legal. However, if your neighbor has videos or photos of you inside your residence that they made from outside your residence, that may be a different matter entirely.
By the way, you made a very serious, potentially fatal, mistake… NEVER open your door for anyone you don’t know well (people who are not close friends or family), including the police unless you call them to your residence. Don’t even say anything to let them know you are inside.
Just ignore them until they leave.” TheMasterBlaster74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk. Feeling uncomfortable and concerned in this situation is entirely reasonable. Your neighbor came to your door late at night, accusing you of making noise and claiming to have been filming you through your window.
That’s a clear invasion of your privacy and would make most people feel uneasy. It sounds like you tried to address her noise complaints politely, but she escalated the situation by knocking on your door late at night and revealing that she had been recording you.
This behavior crosses a boundary, especially since she did not discuss her concerns more respectfully or directly during normal hours. You did the right thing by contacting the non-emergency police line and informing your landlord. This is not an overreaction but rather a protective measure to ensure your safety and privacy.
Going forward, documenting these interactions and communicating with your landlord about the neighbor’s behavior will help in case the situation escalates further. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home.” Serendipity_Calling
Another User Comments:
“I once had something similar with an elderly neighbor in a semi-detached house.
He kept complaining about loud music in the middle of the night. I tried to comply by turning the TV volume lower at night and assumed that was the end of it. One time he came banging on my door in the middle of the night, complaining about me listening to “techno music” loudly in the middle of the night.
That wasn’t me. Turns out his house was very badly insulated and his heating was causing a banging sound.” WeAreyoMomma
16. AITJ For Wanting My Hypocritical Housemate Evicted Despite Her Difficult Circumstances?
“I (21F) am a university student living in a shared house near my university.
The house has seven residents, including me, and while it has its maintenance issues, it’s the cheapest rent for such a good location. When I moved in, there was a housemate (30F) who had just finished her PhD and seemed fine initially.
Another housemate (30M), who lived next to her before moving out shortly after I arrived, refused to speak to her, despite speaking fluent English.
I was confused by his behavior and tried to be understanding and respectful toward her out of pity.
At first, I felt sympathy for her when she shared how the other housemates didn’t respect her needs and her difficult circumstances. However, my sympathy waned as her requests became increasingly unreasonable and hypocritical. For example, she demanded we avoid the kitchen past 9-10 p.m. because she “had to get up at 5 a.m.,” but then she would be in the kitchen at 11 p.m. making noise herself.
She also asked me not to do laundry in the evening because she “could hear the machine,” while she had her noisy automatic cycle that ran at night. She would complain about hygiene in the kitchen but left her vegetables out for days and food in her slow cooker unrefrigerated.
Her behavior extended to dramatic reactions about food smells and leaving the front door open unattended, even when there were visibly inebriated homeless people outside. After a previous trespassing incident, we asked her to stop leaving the door open, citing safety concerns. She argued it was the only way to cool her room down and disregarded the security risk.
Despite being asked to move out by the landlady twice, she begged to stay, claiming she had “nowhere else to go.” She also didn’t have a job for a while but continued her disruptive behavior. This behavior led to many housemates moving out. My brother, who recently moved in, also has issues with her after living here for only a few months.
I’ve gathered photos of her misdeeds over the past few months to provide evidence for her eviction. However, my dad believes it’s unfair for me to report her given that she’s immunocompromised and can’t afford to live elsewhere. I think these reasons further justify her finding her own space or housemates who can tolerate her behavior.
AITJ for wanting her evicted as soon as possible, even if it means she might have to couch surf for a while?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being immunocompromised is not a free pass to be rude and demanding towards other people, especially when she’s being hypocritical about her demands.
If she can’t afford to live in other places, she shouldn’t have done things that could get her evicted. It’s not your fault if an honest report of her actions gets her in trouble. She should be accountable. Also, people have tough times in life, and it’s okay to cut some slack here and there.
But some people manipulate others’ pity. Watch out for perma-victims.” MiscreantMarsupial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to get out asap. As another commenter stated, her being immunocompromised doesn’t negate her bad behavior. She’s a security risk and her demands are ridiculous especially since she’s unable to hold herself to the same standard that she expects you and the other housemates to abide by.” mediocre_much
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, buuuuuuut…. To a degree, I can see her point. If you’re cooking full meals after 10 pm I’d be assertive about it too. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t use the microwave for heating stuff or the stove. Keep the racket down.
Shut cabinet doors quietly. Turn the sound off on the microwave. Don’t slam the ‘fridge door and rattle the glass. It’s the little things. If she has a problem at that point it’s a control issue.” MaleficentHamster173
15. AITJ For Leaving My Stepsister Alone After Her Spontaneous Visit?
“I am f(17yo) my stepsister is f(16yo) and she is my stepfather’s daughter.
She and I get along well, but there is a problem.
Normally she comes every three weeks for the weekend plus every other week of vacation. But now she hardly comes anymore and always looks for the worst excuses there are like: “Oh right, my mother forgot” or “But my mother already arranged with my grandma that we go to her place, sorry!” and more.
And now to the actual story:
I was at ski camp for a week and we weren’t allowed to take cell phones with us and my sister then apparently spontaneously told my parents that she was coming back for the weekend to visit us. The problem is I didn’t know anything about it and had already made plans with friends for the weekend, but of course, she had to decide “spontaneously”.
If she had told me earlier I could have made changes to the plan, but when I told her she said she didn’t know, which is a complete lie because I proudly told her at least 10 times. Anyway, I came home on Friday (the day she was coming) and told her what I had done, a little later my mother told me that my sister was coming to visit us.
She also said that it was my decision whether I stayed or not. I decided to stay on Friday and Saturday (around noon) to at least do something with her. But when I told her on Saturday that I was going to my father’s, she suddenly became visibly angry and said to me that she was only coming because of me and that I would just leave.
I then said to her that I would have stayed if she had told me and not decided spontaneously whether she would come or not after a hundred years! She then called me a jerk and started crying.
The only thing that made me not sure if I was not a jerk after all is that her stepfather and her mother separated right after their wedding (a few days ago).
She told me about it too, but since she always said that she hated her stepfather, I assumed it wasn’t that bad. But my mother told me that she grew up with him anyway and misses him.
So I would like to know from you AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She cannot expect you to drop everything just because she decides last second to visit. This is where texting comes in handy! She needs to text you before finalizing her visits to make sure you don’t already have plans if your being available is a make or break for her.” mphflame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds to me like a lifetime of emotional manipulation. If you don’t keep the boundary up now, she will pull this crap on you for the rest of your life. I don’t think it’s asking too much to tell her that if she wants to spend time with you, she needs to communicate that desire in advance of making her plans.
Your life does not revolve around hers, but if you cave in now to her demands, that is exactly what she’ll demand from you from now on.” Aggravating-Sock6502
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a life and you’re not a mind reader.
Your stepsister is going through some things and having trouble coping. Tell her you wished you’d been available but not being there doesn’t mean you don’t care about her. Let her know she can come to you if she needs to talk (unless you don’t want to be her confidant, there’s no shame in that).
Often people who are hurting lash out at those closest to them. Sometimes it’s because that person is safe, sometimes it’s a test, and sometimes it’s because they can’t face you feeling how they do. You don’t know what’s been going on in the other house she’s been living in.
If she’s been a jerk the whole time you’ve known her, that’s different. But it sounds like she could use some support right now, even if her actions say the opposite.” MmeCrimson
14. AITJ For Asking My Overly Generous Mom To Stop Bringing Excessive Food To Our House?
“I have an amazing mom. With a slight problem – she loves me way too much. So much in fact that it has become a sort of joke in my friend group.
She just takes everything to the next level. It is really sweet, but sometimes a little too much.
Every single time she came to my house for dinner, she would ask what to bring, and I would be like: “How is the Mango tree doing, can you get us some, it could be a great dessert”.
Well, she would come to our house with like 15lbs of Mangos, a mountain of berries my wife likes, and other items we didn’t ask for but she knows we love. It is a sweet gesture, but literally 100% of the time we have too many things from her and it both blocks the whole fridge and eventually is thrown away because we cannot eat the things fast enough.
Just for reference, she came to our house like 3 months ago when my dad was on a work trip abroad and brought like 12 beers that my wife sort of likes, even though she knows we don’t drink, we still have like 11 of those 12 at home.
It’s just her love language (and the love language of her parents as well).
So my parents are coming today for dinner again, which is awesome. When talking to her this morning she asked what to bring and I told her: “Nothing, we got it all covered.” She then went through like 5-6 items that she knows we like and asked to bring them and again I told her there was no need. Finally, I just told her the reason (I was calm and loving about it, just told her that I know she cannot stop herself from bringing a non-normal amount of food, so it is better to not bring anything, and that I know she loves me even if she doesn’t bring anything with her).
She got kinda sad on the phone and told me that she didn’t feel right not bringing anything.
I don’t want to make her sad, but she spends so much money on items we don’t even eat or drink that I would rather her just come and be with us without all the hassle.
AITJ for stopping my mom from bringing us things we don’t need, even though it makes her happy?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look, just tell her she brings too much, then ask her to bring like a loaf of bread or something. Let her bring things, just ask her to reign it in.
Because my friend, the day when you wish your mom was bringing things to dinner is coming way sooner than you want. Let her have her joy and just help her not overdo it. And hey, at least she’s being thoughtful of your wife too.
Do you see how many posts are about a mother-in-law who just absolutely disrespects her son or daughter-in-law? I mean she could bring over 15 pounds of stuff your wife’s allergic to…” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I see both sides of this one.
Some moms are just like that – mine was/is. It’s annoying but not toxic, you just need to direct her love into manageable channels. I started asking for non-perishable things so she could express her love, and I wasn’t tossing 20 lbs of apples. “Mom, we could use some peppercorns and some toilet paper” “Mom, I need a pack of stamps” “Mom, I need some honey to glaze the ham.” If you end up with a lifetime worth of stamps, it’s no big deal because they don’t rot.
The other option is to befriend a couple of your neighbors and start supplying them with mangos. Not everyone has a mom who loves them fifteen mangos worth, so you can share the wealth and help someone else out.” unlovelyladybartleby
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your mom sounds so sweet, but I do get how it can become a problem. Maybe you could shift it to something like, we were thinking you could bring dessert, and if she shows up with 10 pies you could have one that evening and send the rest back home with her.
Or if that doesn’t work, perhaps you can donate any leftovers to the food bank. I know the ones in my city are always looking for donations. Also, I just want to say how refreshing it is to read this kind of problem, one that isn’t wrapped in malice or carelessness.
You seem like a loving son/daughter!” Sleepy-Giraffe947
13. AITJ For Wanting To Block My Incarcerated Husband's Calls And Filing For Divorce?
“Me (52f) and my husband (47m) have been married 24 years. We had one child who is now an adult (20m) and a Junior in college. My husband is a heavy drinker. I came from a world where people rarely drank.
He had promised me he would stop drinking when our son was born, his reply to that was “You knew I was a drinker when you married me.”
He had a DUI 10 years ago and I supported him through it. He came out of it with 8 years of sobriety.
He fell off the wagon 2 years ago and life has been a series of broken promises, being unfaithful to me, and lies. For instance, he told his co-workers that he gave our son 60k towards college. Our son has scholarships and loans.
He took my car, without my permission.
We knew he was intoxicated so my son and I went looking for him so we could take back the car. We couldn’t find him.
He ended up hitting a semi-truck at 2 am, smashed into a guard rail, and fled the scene. The state police dogs caught him.
No one was hurt but him.
He is in jail. 10k bail. He asked me to ask his boss (whose wife was hit by a driver last October), and he told me to tell him no. He has burned his bridges with them.
Here where I feel like I am the jerk.
He keeps calling me from jail. Asking me to find a way to bail him out. I certainly have no money. I am disabled and my disability check pays the mortgage. He doesn’t give me much money. I stopped sharing a bed with him so he tightened the purse strings tighter.
So, he is in jail. He is going to stay. He has been calling me begging him to put money into his inmate account. I need whatever money to pay bills. I already told him I was filing for divorce. Will I be the jerk if I just block the calls and walk away?
Because that’s really what I want to do but I feel so guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have done your best for so many years, stuck with this man through good times and bad. I understand the feeling that you committed to him, even knowing his struggles, and that if you don’t stand by him and help him, who will?
But at a certain point, you must realize as the spouse of an addict that it’s not about you and never was. Only the addict can help himself in the end. It sounds like he did well for a long time, but these last two years have been worse than ever before.
If all he can offer you now is a wrecked car, five figures of debt, no promises of improvement, and endless guilt trips — well, what’s left for you here at this point? I’m so sorry for all that you and your son have been through.
Walking away will be hard and painful. And you will have days and weeks when you feel guilty about it. But there will be fewer and fewer of them over time, and more and more months when you feel confident and proud that you made the right decision.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“Nope, move on, and don’t look back. This is my 1st option for you, now the most important follow-up is with your son. You need to be brutally honest with him and tell him why you are finally taking these steps to remove yourself from a very unhealthy relationship.
Don’t bad mouth his father, stick to the facts and you are making these changes out of the love you had for his father. Financially this is the only possible way for his father to receive the treatment he needs to see how much damage he has done to himself and others.
You will support your son if he does continue his relationship with his father as long as he becomes sober and provides a healthy relationship with him.” Lost_Ad6729
12. AITJ For Blocking An Elderly Man From Church From My Instagram And Considering Reporting Him To Our Pastor?
“I am a 22-year-old woman, and there’s this 75-year-old man from my church.
I have two Instagram accounts; one for my original music, and the other for close friends and family. Anyway, he followed me on my music account and would send me memes and stuff at 5 a.m. a LOT. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s old and doesn’t have anybody, but the final line was drawn when he sent me a gif of an elf humping a candy cane around Christmastime.
I felt it was inappropriate and, my mom and dad all agreed that I should block him, so I did. I still see him at church, but I only say hi and bye and that’s it. But I guess he found my private Instagram and has requested to follow me 3 times in the past week or so.
I thought maybe he would get the hint when I kept pressing decline but I woke up this morning and he tried to follow me AGAIN.
This is extremely unsettling because I’m getting so aggravated. He, a 75-year-old man, has no business talking to me, a 22-year-old woman.
It doesn’t look right and I feel uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do. Plus it turns out my best friend, who is also 22, told me he keeps trying to send her messages on Instagram too but she just presses ‘ignore.’ But at this point, I am fed UP.
My mom originally had a plan to confront the man himself, but she figured she didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have him leave the church because of this. So she and my dad are thinking of talking to our pastor about it because he’s wise, has a lot of answers that point us to our biblical scriptures, and we just feel like he can do a great deal of help.
The thing is, I would talk to him about it myself but I just feel so intimidated and scared. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I can’t get scared.
I feel so uncomfortable and I feel bad that it’s my parents who’s going to be taking matters into their own hands and it’s making me anxious.
I don’t want to ruin this guy or anything, but I have a deep instinct that it’s gonna get worse if I don’t.”
Another User Comments:
“If you have a close relationship with the pastor, you should bring it up with him and, importantly, tell him WHO it is.
Don’t let it remain anonymous. The fact that he is doing this to your friend too establishes a pattern. This is likely not the first time he’s done this. If you’re not close with the pastor, by all means, have your parents talk with him.
It is NOT on you to worry about ruining this man’s life or standing in the church. Any time you start to think that, remind yourself that HIS actions, not yours, are the direct cause of anything that may happen to him. If he had not acted inappropriately with you on several occasions, none of this would’ve happened. Also, it’s unfortunate that I have to say this, but be prepared for the possibility that your pastor may dismiss you.
I hope he isn’t one of those, but there are people of authority who choose to protect the person acting inappropriately instead of the people being mistreated. If that happens, you should let him know you are willing to go to the police to get help to stop this man from bothering you.” OldPresentation3437
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think you should consider explicitly telling this man to back off before going to the Pastor IF you are concerned that it might get blown out of proportion or that he is just old and out of touch. Send a message telling him your declines are intentional and to back off.
If he doesn’t get the hint, then at that point he deserves whatever comes to him. However, if you feel like it has been clear and he isn’t backing down, then asking the Pastor for advice isn’t a bad idea. I think it just comes down to whether or not you feel you have been clear to this (old, creepy, out-of-touch) man that he needs to back off.
Regardless, NTJ. You shouldn’t be put in this position in the first place, so you aren’t in the wrong no matter what you decide. Good luck.” Ill-Boysenberry-2906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You should say something. He is using the church as his place to find victims. Speak to the Pastor and then block him on all forms of social media.
Speak to the Pastor before he moves on to a new victim who may not have the support to stay safe.” Igottime23
11. AITJ For Painting A Cabinet In Our Recently Renovated Bathroom?
“My (37f) and my husband (42m) renewed our en-suite bathroom a couple of months ago. (For the record, we live alone in a 3-bed bungalow, with two bathrooms and one guest toilet.) During the planning, I fell in love with photos I’ve seen on IG of DIYers refurbishing old glazed cupboards into linen cabinets and I wanted one like that, too.
My husband was indifferent about the idea and said he just wants somewhere to keep extra soaps and towels, if I want artsy-fartsy, it’s up to me.
I made sure the new bathroom layout allowed for a large piece of freestanding furniture, but it wasn’t easy to find the right one.
I kept updating my husband about the search at first, but he said he didn’t care, so I stopped. Finally, after about three months, I found my dream antique (pretty old in any case) cupboard. The seller agreed to deliver it for an extra fee and soon two strapping gents put the cupboard in my en-suite.
And that’s when I realized that the piece was really heavy and couldn’t be dismantled (dove and tail joinery), I couldn’t even slide it out because there was a step between the bathroom and bedroom. I decided to move our small stuff (toothbrushes, soaps, razors, etc) to the other bathroom, wrapped the rest in plastic, and after giving the piece a good clean I put on the first coat of primer.
I then brought in an air purifier to speed up drying and prevent the smell, opened the window wide, locked the doors and put around an extra sheet of plastic, and left a note for my husband when he comes back from work that DYI is in progress, please use the other bathroom, I’m off to walk our dog.
I thought I did everything right, but when I came back, my husband was livid. He asked if I’d gone out of my mind, why did I use paint in the bathroom, who did that, and what was I thinking. I said I didn’t think it was a big deal, during the renewal we used the other bathroom for weeks, and in the en-suite we drilled, plastered, painted, and tiled, so I don’t see what’s the problem if I paint in there for a couple of extra days.
He said I was a jerk, that he thought we were done with the renewal, and if I didn’t have the cabinet by the time we finished, then it was a done deal, the bathroom was finished and no changes were ever to be made again.
I’m puzzled, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband seems to have gotten a little annoyed over the whole bathroom remodel (his complete lack of interest as it progressed), you never said you were done he just assumed so. So, his irritation and yelling were way out of line here.
Of course, you properly prepped and left adequate notice of what was happening so he could use one of the other two bathrooms. So, I think he hated your idea to remodel from the beginning and wasn’t adult enough to get involved one way or the other.
That was his pettiness and problem. Just tell him to chill and you’ll let him know when you are done and not to assume something on his own.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Things happen. He can use one of the other bathrooms for now.
It sounds like he’s upset because you went ahead with the project and he never wanted you to. You improvised and did what you had to do. Keep an eye on his need to control things too much/be overly critical like this.” hadMcDofordinner
10. AITJ For Cutting My Contribution To Our Budget After Wife Broke Our Agreement?
“My wife and I agreed before we got married on a lot of the big things. Where we would live. How we would deal with our families. How we would raise our kids. Stuff like that.
Deal breakers.
One of our decisions was that as long as our kids were full-time students then they wouldn’t have to contribute monetarily to the household budget. They would still have chores and such. If they weren’t full-time students then they would get a six-month grace period after which they had to pay rent and buy their own food.
Rent would be equal to 1/4 of full-time minimum wage work.
We agreed on this in 1998.
Our eldest didn’t want to go to university and used the six months after graduation to work, save money, and plan a trip around the world. When he got back he started an apprenticeship and is now a welder.
Our middle kid went to university and is now a nurse. Our youngest did one semester of college and decided it wasn’t for him. He also decided that he didn’t want to work.
After six months I told him that he was now responsible for his rent and food budget.
He went crying to his mom saying that he couldn’t afford that. She said he didn’t have to pay. She didn’t discuss it with me first. It was a unilateral decision on her part.
She pays all our bills. I give her a set amount every month to pay for everything.
The money she earns her either spends however she wants or it goes into our vacation fund.
So I decided to cut my contribution to our budget by the cost of rent and 1/3 of our grocery bill.
She asked me why I did that and I said that we had an agreement that she chose to ignore so I did the same.
She has been paying the difference out of the money that would normally go into our vacation account and she cut back on her spending. But she is upset that I am doing this. She says I’m a jerk for being financially manipulative.
I think she needs to either accept it or get her poor baby to grow up.
She tried getting our older kids on her side but they agreed with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ so your daughter still lives at home and contributes but your wife thinks it’s fair to let your youngest off the hook?” Conscious_Age9209
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Because I think this isn’t essentially about the money. It’s about raising your kids to be functional adults and it seems like neither of you is focusing on that in your turf war. No, she shouldn’t have unilaterally changed your agreement but that doesn’t mean withholding funds is ok either especially since it appears you didn’t discuss that at all before punishing her.
It’s also not ok to utilize your other kids in this fight. Talk about what you both want for your son how to get there and the impact on your overall financial picture. Go to a counselor if that helps keep the focus away from petty retaliation and on the goal.” Pistalrose
9. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Mother After She Ignored Our Wedding Dress Request?
“So for context, my partner and I have been planning our wedding for about 15 months now. During that time was dress shopping (both female and same-gender marriage)
I invited my mother along to both my fittings and my partner who saw my mother in such high regard also had her come along to hers as well.
We clearly stipulated that we didn’t want to see each other in the dresses we chose until the wedding. We don’t mind knowing what dress but actually seeing each other in them, and we would like to have separate dresses from each other. I thought that was a simple request. The bridal place knew of our request as well.
Through dress fittings, I had settled on a dress I love and was encouraged by my mother and choose it as my primary option. At the same time, she also encouraged my partner to the same dress knowing our request. The bridal place quietly said to my mother that we were looking at the same dress and to give us a heads up (they did as we asked them) and she brushed them off and told them it was fine.
Now the gaslighting began. When we found out we ordered the same dress we asked for a family meeting. To sit down discuss what happened air grievances etc and put it under the bridge so to speak and move forward. We reiterated we asked for this not to happen and were told 3 different stories that conflicted with each other.
Told nope that’s not what happened, I don’t remember that so it didn’t happen, etc (we had our bridal parties with us so yes we can confirm which version of events happened) We were met with severe verbal mistreatment. And rather sickening derogatory remarks which I can’t repeat here (yep that bad).
After all that I decided to cut ties with them, told them to leave our lives as we had started new lives together and I didn’t need this negativity anymore (mother was always like this growing up) told them not to attend the wedding and have told venue to refuse entry to them if they decide to gatecrash.
All this because we asked a simple request which was ignored and then just asked hey can we have a sit down and talk about what happened.
Honestly, I feel drained and terrible but like I made a positive decision.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think the shop should have done a better job of dissuading your partner regarding getting the same dress since they knew your wishes upfront. Also, you both could have gone to different shops as well to avoid such an occurrence. As partners, you could have also communicated your styles to each other beforehand (I prefer Meghan’s dress to Kate’s) to help each other avoid similar dresses.
Yeah, your mom didn’t help the situation, but you are putting all the blame on her when the shop and you could have managed it much better.” DaxxyDreams
Another User Comments:
“Your mother went out of her way to ensure what you didn’t want, actively happened. She then lied, verbally mistreated the two of you, and used words so foul they cannot be repeated. Why should she be rewarded by being allowed to be at your wedding?
NTJ” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is a gaslighting narcissist. She didn’t just jump over a clearly stated boundary, she did some championship steeplechase jumping over it. You are better off without her in your life. Make sure you have security at your wedding and that they are alerted to prevent your parents and sister from entering.
I hope you two live long and prosper.” solitarybydesign
8. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After My Mother-In-Law's Insensitive Comment About My Deceased Mother?
“I (23F) have been married to my husband (24M) for three years. We were high school sweethearts and have been best friends since elementary school. He’s still my best friend to this day.
I’ve never had a great relationship with his mom; she’s difficult to talk to, and our conversations are usually very shallow (gossiping about neighbors, complaining about the landscapers, etc.).
Almost a year ago, my mom passed away, which still feels surreal to write. She truly was my soulmate, and I’m incredibly grateful to have had her in my life for 23 years. I miss her more than words can describe. My husband’s family stepped up during that time, supporting us financially with funeral costs and managing affairs when I was deep in grief.
I’m genuinely grateful for their help.
Fast forward to now—we’re expecting our first baby. As excited as I am, I’m also deeply saddened that my mom won’t be here to guide me through this. We always talked about what my kids would call her (we had settled on “Grams”).
Now, to the incident: We were celebrating our pregnancy at a dinner with my in-laws, and my mother-in-law asked to make a toast. She laughed and said, “I’m so grateful to celebrate a new addition to our family. We can’t wait to meet little ‘Veronica’” (which is her name).
She went on to talk about her pregnancy and what I should expect, mentioning that my husband had an abnormally big head when he was born. Then she said, “I look forward to being the favorite grandma to ‘Veronica,’ since of course, I’ll be the only grandma.”
The room went silent, and I started to cry. I stood up and told her how incredibly insensitive it was to say that, and that my mom would always be a grandmother, whether she was here or not.
She responded by saying I was “overreacting” and that it was just a joke.
I told her she was out of line and left immediately.
My husband later called me, saying he spoke to his mom, who was in tears because she was embarrassed. She asked him to apologize on her behalf, and he told me I should have come back instead of telling her she was out of line and storming off.
I’m currently staying with my sister and haven’t stopped crying since. She supports me 100%, but I want to know: Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL said something SEVERELY inappropriate and insensitive. No person in their right mind would think what she said was okay, no matter how many years have passed since your mother’s death.
My grandmother passed away almost 10 years ago and when my son was born 2 years ago, my mom and I talked a lot about how much we missed her and how we wished she was here to see him (we still say this often, when he’s reached a milestone or we’re just doing something we know she would have enjoyed).
It’s natural to think about deceased relatives MORE at a time like this, and she says something as callous as that. NTJ!” -SiRReN-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as a husband who has a mom like this – you need to seriously have a discussion with him about his mom’s behavior.
He has the power to change how his mother treats you and it seems like he’s okay with what she did and expects you to apologize. I understand it’s his mom, but he chose to live a life with you and start a family – that needs to be his priority, not mommy’s feelings.” Disastrous-Duty7346
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Please allow me to recap: MIL desecrated the memory of your mother while simultaneously attempting to elevate her place in the family. Husband is put out that YOU left this scene, before giving MIL a chance to weasel her way out via a vicarious apology.
Have I got that right? You have a husband problem and a MIL problem. Let’s hope that the former corrects itself before the birth. If the husband even *whispers* that Veronica should be included as any part of the name then take it for the giant, flashing red light that it is.” CandylandCanada
7. AITJ For Not Printing New Photos Of My Best Friend For My Room Decor?
“A couple of years ago (~2020) I redecorated my room and decided to hang new pictures since all that I had was with me as a baby/kid.
I got a pretty wire with lights and clips to put photos. I printed around 20 photos with me and my best friends at the time. It included my family (mom, dad, cousins), my dog, my then-partner, some other people, and Betty. Betty is my best friend and cousin.
I’ve printed out 4 pics with her.
Over time, I fell out with some people and removed some pictures. I grew to not like some and also removed. Last week I decided I wanted to print some new pics from this summer so I went ahead and did it, adding some pics with my current partner and new friends from college (since I was still in high school in 2020).
I printed fewer than the last time since my goal was not to replace them but to fill in the empty spaces left by those I took out.
I didn’t print new photos of my family or Betty, since I have the last ones. I only printed new photos of people I befriended and I didn’t have any printed photos of them.
The only exception was my cousin who got married during this time and I printed a pic from her wedding (with us in fancy dresses).
When Betty found out, she was upset. I explained that I didn’t print new pics with her because I still had the old pictures, but she called me out about my cousin.
I explained it was a special memory (to be honest I tried to pick all photos from special events, not special as in grandiose, but special as in wholesome for me, therefore they all represent special memories). She blamed me for not considering our time together special and I told her it’s not true.
She said that if I truly loved her as I say I do, I would have printed more pics. I did have fun times lately with Betty that I could print, but I just didn’t think it was necessary since the pic I have is from our first tropical holiday together.
She’s upset and I feel it’s unjustified. I even went as far as to print a new pic, but she said it’s not the same. I sort of feel her, but I still believe it’s not that big of a deal. Opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s honestly a little weird that your friend is so invested in your room decor. I mean, does she have pictures of you in her room? Are they ‘updated’ regularly? This feels so odd! Especially if, after she asked, you printed a new pic, and somehow she’s also still offended?
What the heck? There is nothing you can do about this, then, because she’s upset that you didn’t focus on her *in the past* when you redecorated. She can feel hurt by anything, I guess, but when she makes it your problem, it’s pushy jerk territory.
If she’s just looking for a reason to be angry and end a friendship, this seems a pretty weak one. And I can’t think of another good reason for her being upset. She could, if it was just about having a recent photo, just give you a printed photo of the two of you that she likes.” Tangerine_Bouquet
6. AITJ For Turning Off My Roommate's TV To Get Sleep?
“I live in a house for mentally and physically disabled people, since I am mentally disabled. Currently, I have two roommates.
One is super nice, and she respects me. She’s the perfect roommate in my opinion. The other one is the subject of this post.
She’s mentally a toddler/6 year old, and for lack of a better term, she can be quite awful.
One thing I’ve started to notice recently is that she’ll be awake in the wee hours of the night, watching TV and squeaking her bedframe.
She goes to bed at 10 PM, but I don’t think she sleeps. At all. It’s currently 3:30 AM, and every time I try to close my eyes so I can sleep, all I hear is squeak, squeak, squeak. My hearing is VERY sensitive to sharp, shrill noises if I’m not expecting them, and after a while of the noise continuing, I get a headache.
I also noticed that her TV is always on at night. And I mean ALWAYS on. I think this is the source of her staying up all night. I only noticed this because whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, her room has that glow, indicating her TV is on.
Her door is open 24/7 aside from when she’s changing. The reason this is is because she’s in 24-hour care, so staff needs to check on her all hours of the night, to make sure nothing bad happened. This causes the squeaking noises to be louder than if her door was closed. I keep my door closed, and yet it’s still super loud.
I’ve taken to using my Roku app to shut her TV off, and it seems to help, but I think she’s starting to turn it back on after I shut it off. So it usually takes 4, 5, or sometimes 6 attempts before she finally quits.
Recently, I’ve been wondering if I’m the jerk for doing this, as I’m limiting the hours she can watch TV, but at the same time, I have appointments I need to keep, and most are before 10 AM.
The squeaking and headaches keep me awake, which has caused exhaustion. I have an appointment at 9 AM today, and I know for a fact I’m going to be exhausted due to her antics.
I’m considering letting the house manager know so that maybe the staff will take away her remote at night.
I feel selfish, but I also think this is necessary so I can sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“Surely in a group house, there are rules about noise, disruption, even TV hours? Take this to the house manager directly. Disruption of your sleep is not reasonable.
It is their responsibility to provide that ’24-hour care’, and I’m surprised that the staff doesn’t turn off the TV. (Also, a squeaking bedframe can and should be fixed.)” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Are you able to talk to the roommate?
You need to talk to someone in charge. Did you ever think that she can’t sleep with it off? I know people like that have the TV on 24/7 and it drives me bonkers like you, but comforts them to have something in the background.
Have you tried a white noise sound machine? There are loads of free apps. Noise-canceling headphones? You said you have early appointments so may need an alarm clock. I use a sunrise alarm and put my phone alarm on to vibrate under the pillow. I do the above for my comfort.
I hate the jarring alarms that make me anxious first thing in the morning.” UusiSisu
5. AITJ For Choosing A Sweet Sixteen Over A Quinceanera?
“I, a 14-year-old girl, decided to not have a Quinceanera and instead a sweet sixteen and now my mom’s side of the family is super angry at me and my mom.
So I’m white and Hispanic, my dad is white and my mom is Puerto Rican. I made this decision about a year ago because I don’t feel very connected with my Hispanic side and I don’t feel like it’s right for me to have a quince.
So here’s where the conflict started, I recently had dinner at my grandparents’ house for dinner and somewhere along the line of conversations, my birthday was brought up and my grandmother was talking about how she wanted to take me dress shopping for my quince and how she had some venues in mind for me to choose, she wouldn’t stop rambling about how she was so excited to help me and my mom host this important event.
After about 30 minutes she asked me what color scheme I wanted and I told her I didn’t want to have a quince. She looked stunned for a moment and asked why I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, I said I did want to celebrate my birthday but I didn’t want a quince because I was planning on having a sweet sixteen instead.
After a few minutes of silence. She asked why I didn’t want to participate in a part of my heritage, and I was honest with her and said I didn’t feel connected with my Hispanic roots.
After that statement was said, she started crying and my mom decided it was time to leave she hadn’t spoken to me or my mom in over a month and the rest of the family had been saying that I needed to have this important moment in my life and I need to do it for my grandmother.
I understand that she wants me to have a special event that connects with my Hispanic roots but I don’t feel like it’s right for me to have a quince. I’m not very close with my mom’s side and I really do feel bad that it made her feel so hurt but I just don’t know what to do.
I still want a relationship with my grandparents and I thought she’d help me with a sweet sixteen celebration instead.
So AITJ for telling my grandparents that I don’t want a quince. Should I just have a quince to make her happy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We fostered a ton of kids often from different cultures/heritages. We went quite out of the way to make their culture available to them, tried to connect them with (safe, acceptable) family, went to events (where we were standing out as not fitting in!), etc. and it was somewhat productive and we liked it, but it was inherently hard and little bits and pieces, even regular things like a meal a week are not immersion.
If Grandma thinks the family’s Hispanic heritage is so important, then why hasn’t she made sure it was something I was exposed to earlier and often? Waiting for big events and expecting them to be fully embraced is something I have seen, and the only surprise is that I am honest with everyone about which culture she feels most affiliated with.” shoobe01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you don’t want it BUT. I don’t understand why you would turn down a huge party in your honor, with all your friends, and get to wear a pretty dress, etc. And this will be the BIG event of the year!!!
Next year all your friends will be doing sweet 16s which won’t be exciting as everyone will be trying to one up each other. There’s also no guarantee that your parents will pay for the Sweet 16 party that you want.” Zipzipzebra
4. AITJ For Not Driving 6 Hours Back Home After My Partner Fainted From A Tattoo?
“Like I said in the title I (F21) did not drive 6 hrs back home to be with my partner (M22) after he told me he fainted after getting a tattoo from his roommate
I had driven six hours to Disneyland to visit the parks alone.
It’s something I enjoy doing sometimes while having an annual pass for the year 2024. I live in another state and I bought the annual pass in January of this year to visit the parks whenever I wanted because I used Disney as a way to cope with any kind of stress I have in my life.
I know that may sound crazy to people, but I think they make enough to support my hobby.
He and I do not live together. He lives with four other guys and one girl. The girl is an artist, and she tattoos people for free to practice to become a professional tattoo artist eventually.
My partner is the next test subject. I had already known that he was getting tattooed eventually by this girl because he had brought it up in conversation a couple of times. I just had not known that it was going to be this weekend that he decided to get tattooed. He texted me just as I entered the parking lot for Disneyland and told me that he made a cardinal sin and did not sleep, did not eat, did not drink any water, and went for a 2-mile long run right before he sat down to get tattooed.
I scolded him and asked if he was ok. He told me he had fainted as she was tattooing him. I was shocked and worried for him. But he reassured me that he was ok and laughed it off. After a few minutes of talking, I asked if he was going to be all right.
He told me that he would feel better if I was there. Eventually, he got mad that I wouldn’t drive the six hours back home to go and be with him. At this point, I hadn’t even left my car after driving six hours so I would’ve had to drive straight back for six hours.
My friend told me that he was a jerk but I know that my friend was biased toward me and I wanted to get an outsider’s opinion. So am I a jerk for this one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He fainted, from a tattoo.
It’s not like he got his arm torn off in a thrasher and it was being sewed back on. Him wanting you to drive 6 hours to hold his little boy’s hand would be a big no, baby. Tell him to grow up and suck up.
He was fine.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ- bro did himself dirty and it’s not like you were 30 minutes away…. You were SIX HOURS AWAY!!! By the time you got back, he would’ve been fine. As someone who faints often it’s not like 6 hours later he’ll be feeling bad.
He’ll be fine. Hope you got to ride Space Mountain and enjoy a churro in peace.” Major-Relationship95
3. AITJ For Accidentally Throwing Away My Niece's Belongings Mistaken For Trash?
” I (29M) moved into an apartment with my niece (20F) and one of the things we originally argued about was who does what chores.
One of the things we agreed on was that we’d alternate taking out the trash but after a while, she would complain that the walk to the dumpster was too far and she was tired of putting garbage in her car to drive it over there.
I thought she was being over dramatic but I just told her that I would take out the trash every time because I didn’t feel that was worth getting into an argument over. She said she would just put the trash bags by the front door for me to grab on my way to work.
The other day when I was getting ready to leave, I saw two black garbage bags in the usual spot by the door so I grabbed them and threw them in the dumpster.
I got home the next day and my niece was livid. She said that she was going to take her bedspread, sheets, pillowcases, and her $150 heated blanket to her mom’s to wash them later this week so she put them in trash bags for easier transport.
She said that since she had put electrical tape on the bags, I would know not to throw it away. I didn’t notice the tape but (in my defense) she put black electrical tape on a black garbage bag.
I told her that this was her fault.
She could’ve put a note on the bags, texted me, and told me not to throw them out, or she could have put them somewhere else but she didn’t do any of those.
She said she called her mom (my sister) and she had spare sheets, bedspread, and pillowcases but she’ll have to buy her a new heating blanket.
She found the same one online for $100. I offered to give my niece $50 and let her use the heating blanket that my dad bought me but I never used it. When I made the offer, I said that I shouldn’t have to pay anything because this is not my fault.
My sister told her to tell me that the money wasn’t the issue; the lack of respect for my niece and her belongings was the issue.
AITJ? Should I even try to give her money?”
Another User Comments:
“She literally could have put a different colored duct, masking tape, any tape and wrote something like “needs to be washed”, “not trash”, or “leave alone”.
I’ve moved many many many times with my mom and a lot of times we’ll throw clothes, blankets, pillows, etc etc in trash bags and that’s what we do. It takes almost no time to add on and it’s a quick and easy way to identify it.
We even do it when we start a giant bag of going-to-donate items. NTJ, she needs better communication skills if she wants to be a big kid” Quick-Suspect-9210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NO! Don’t give her money. The whole reason this SNAFU occurred was because she was being a whiny brat and refusing to do her share of chores.
If she’s 20, choosing to live with someone who is almost 30, she’d best be able to do some minimal roommate duties. Otherwise, she belongs back with her Mommy.” SubjectBuilder3793
2. AITJ For Refusing To Distance Myself From My Sister's Stepchildren?
“Four years ago my sister, whom I’m going to call Paula (she is 37), married her husband. He has two children who are 15 and 17, they are almost the same age as my kids.
My children have no cousins and when my sister got married, they got along really well with them during the wedding. My kids were always the only kids in the family so they were excited to finally have cousins. My sister’s stepchildren are very adorable and respectful of me, although they don’t get along with Paula.
They dislike her a lot and never had a good relationship at all.
She always said that she is married to her husband, not to the children, and that she will never make an effort to have a relationship with them if they are not interested (Speaking positively about Paula, she in the past tried to get along with them but they just hate her).
Plus, their father has left them aside for Paula. They barely see him now but that’s all the fault of the adults, not the kids.
Since the wedding, the children began to message each other and became friends. I also became close with their mother since our kids usually have sleepovers and those things.
Our youngest started playing football together. They spend a lot of time in my house and I do see them as my nephews.
Anyway, a few days ago Paula called me to ask me if I should distance myself from her stepchildren basically for two reasons:
1- They are not my family
2- People have begun to speak badly of her because they see that I do have a relationship with them and she, who is the stepmother, has never even gone out for a walk with her stepchildren.
I told her that I was not going to do that because they are friends with my children but she said that I should ‘take care of her image’ since people are very critical and she’s tired of our relatives (and mostly her husband’s relatives) looking at her in a judgmental way and I am making this more difficult by letting my children spend time with her stepkids.
I told her that I can’t forbid my children to be friends with them because they are not a bad influence or have done anything wrong but she keeps insisting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sucks that she has a bad relationship with them but from what you’ve said it sounds like she’s asking you to essentially remove the last positive relationship they have with an adult family member.
Also, if you marry someone who has kids, you are implicitly accepting those kids. Otherwise don’t get married. They don’t like her? Fine. She doesn’t like them? Fine. Still has to accept them, they are part of a package she agreed to. Stay the course and keep looking after those kids OP.” Jainer99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her inability to get along with them/vice versa has nothing to do with you. It seems like she cares more about her image than actually having a relationship with these kids. If she’s having issues with her in-laws because she can’t get along with the kids, that’s also none of your business.
They’re likely going to judge her no matter what. The only person making her life difficult is herself.” kalipersephone
1. AITJ For Feeling Drained By My Depressive, Possessive Roommate?
“So we’ve been roommates for a year now and she’s always been depressing and always sees life as half empty. At first, I used to just sympathize and try to make everything happier for her.
Like I’d go all out but slowly I started feeling that negativity around me also. I started to also get affected and get so low at a point I’d just stare at the wall for hours. She’s super territorial and possessive, like some toxic partner.
She hates it when I make new friends, she hates it when I have a partner and she’s single. So she’d just be with anyone to not be single you know and that’s messed up a lot of things but I was the one to clean up her mess because during those times she’d be so depressed and like super ready to die so I’d have to clean up all her messes.
I think I was the one to tell her ex that she wanted to break up because she’d refuse to talk and just be in that dark hole, but she needs to be held accountable for her actions. Even when my partner comes over, I’d ask him to hang out with her so that she doesn’t feel alone while I’m cooking something or studying.
And she hates it if we hug or give a peck in front of her and she’d give me the dirtiest hateful stare and she’d say she hates pedal but it’s not like we were downright making out in front of her, it’s literally like a small peck on the cheek as a thank you when he brings me water.
She hates when a friend of mine comes over and when they’re gone she’d be like “You’re done hanging out with your best friend?” “Isn’t she your best friend?” “I’m just your roommate right?” “Don’t talk to me”
At first, it used to be funny but now it’s exhausting.
She even hates her brother’s fiancé because she feels like she’s replacing her from the family what the freak? And I’ve met the fiancé and she’s nothing but the sweetest and cares for my roommate also. And people please learn a lesson, you gotta think twice before befriending someone who doesn’t have any friends because there will be a reason for that.
And guess who has no friends? Yes, my roommate. She has no friends even from high school. I don’t know what to do anymore, if I talk about this she’d get so depressed or I don’t know make some scenes and I don’t want that”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP But her behavior isn’t normal and it’s not fair on you to take on all of her negativity nor should you be in a position where you feel you can’t live your life because she makes it and people around you uncomfortable I think you need to move out and if you know of any family and close friends of hers reach out and tell them you’re concerned about her but can’t live with her anymore” ColdstreamCapple.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Some people do feel the need to bring others down when they aren’t feeling great. Don’t feel like you have to help to sympathize and I can understand that it can become exhausting or not worth it if it isn’t received well.
However, if you did tell her ex to break up with her that might have been a step too far especially if she found out. Just like how you aren’t a fan of her commenting on your relationship, you shouldn’t comment or involve yourself in hers.
But yeah NTJ generally” Status_Ad9131
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