People Worry They May Be Jerks In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Punishing My Step-Daughter For Being Inconsiderate Of Her Brother?
“I have 3 children from a previous marriage (Ben 16, Julie and Eve 11), and my wife Jen has 2 (Sam 16, Kerri 15) living with us. We have been together for 6 years (so Kerri was 9).
Jen and my two step-children have some special needs. Kerri has Tourette’s (severe sensory triggers), and Sam has severe autism (though with great therapeutic success). My wife has significant sensory triggers and food limitations. Thus many foods and activities are off the table for the family as a whole.
Ex: Sam only has around a dozen specific foods he can eat, down to the particular brand. I and my other 3 children do not have sensory or food limitations.
Day to day, we are all cognizant of everyone’s particular needs and do not have activities or make foods that would exclude anyone.
We keep the volume of music/TV quite low (wife, son), avoid any sounds or movies with sharp, sudden sounds (like gunshots), and no seafood, rice, spice, glass plates, etc. However, in practice this means that the other children are permanently banned from singing in the house, watching an action movie on their own TV, having friends over, and many other normal things.
The issue is that while special needs are absolutely a priority over wants in the here and now; people, especially children, also need to be special and have their own desires prioritized. I have worked very hard with Kerri in order to get her to assert her own needs and wants, even when those are opposed to Sam’s, something she still struggles to do.
Ex: I still have to order for her in restaurants because she is uncomfortable stating what she wants because she feels like she is ‘being a bother.’
This led to the AITJ moment. Kerri was home, at 3 pm on Sunday, with only Sam with her.
He was downstairs, with headphones on playing on his computer. She was cleaning her room and playing loud music. Sam asked her to turn it down because it was bothering him, but Kerri refused to turn it down. She told him to switch to the noise-canceling headphones he uses in public, but he refused because he prefers his gaming headphones.
When I got home, my son wanted Kerri punished. I told him his preferences do not create a blanket obligation for others, and that he should use his noise-canceling headphones for a one or two-hour period on the weekend so she can listen to her music.
When my wife returned, Sam went to her. I told her how I handled it and she was very upset. She said it is the responsibility of our family to respect Sam’s needs. She also stated I don’t understand because I was not there for the very difficult early years and didn’t learn how to live with his needs.
I stated that is true, but he now has other tools to cope without putting it all on the others, and that he can and should be expected to use them sometimes so that we can prioritize the other children as well.
AITJ who doesn’t empathize enough with special needs, or am I doing the right thing by trying to balance this with the less obvious needs of our other children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems your kids are already being very restricted due to your family’s special needs members.
While the special needs member’s feelings and needs are valid, they can’t be prioritized 100% of the time. It’s simply not fair to the others.
Living together means compromise.
Your non-special needs kids do already compromise a lot.
It’s not too much of an ask to have everyone else compromise too. Of course, there are things they can’t really compromise on, like the heavy triggers you mentioned.
But it is totally valid to simply ask wearing his other headphones.
It’s a minor inconvenience.” SaikaTheCasual
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s a point where special needs children have to learn to cope in the real world. When they are adults they can’t expect the world to cater to them always and have to learn what is and isn’t reasonable to accept in their lives and homes.
This requires a compromise between you, your wife, and all of the kids. It is not a one-way street where the kids who have special needs run the entire household. I understand your wife wants to make things as easy as possible for your children because she has gone through the struggles herself but at some point, you have to find ways to cope that do not include being entitled and expecting everyone to bend over backward to accommodate you.
I would sit down and have a calm conversation with your wife about how to best prepare all of the kids but especially your stepchildren on how to be able to function as adults in the real world and as they gain independence. And list your concerns about how it’s affecting your kids, you will have to be both firm and kind with her through this process, but I wouldn’t back down.
All of the kids are getting older and eventually, they will leave the house and branch out on their own adventures in life and neither of you will always be able to be there for them. They will have to learn to live and manage the world and relationships on their own and it’s best to get a good foundation and reasonable expectations while they are this young before they get some hard lessons from life and the people around them.” Black-As-The-Sea
Another User Comments:
“It has been established that in a household where there’s a child with special needs all the other children without special needs are usually expected to over empathize and compromise to ensure that the special needs of the child are met.
In some cases, this results in overly empathetic people pleasing children who have learned to be so self-sacrificial they do not know who they are outside of their role in someone else’s life. They lack boundaries, they lack the ability to stand up for themselves and they are unaware of their own likes, dislikes, and hobbies.
The polar opposite of this is the rebellious child who becomes detached from the family unit and engages in risky behavior to seek attention.
Both of these behaviors are a result of a lack of adequate emotional support and attention. Both these children have emotional needs that have not been met.
The child who is special-needs also develops a complex where they honestly feel entitled to the sacrifice of others. This is very dangerous because they failed to develop coping mechanisms due to the false reality. And when met with situations where they are no longer the subject of everyone’s sacrifice they have visceral reactions.
In your situation, your wife feels a sort of kinship to Sam because of similarities in sensory issues. While this is good this leaves her unfairly biased against Kerri. I would suggest this is the perfect time to start thinking of ways to change the rules so that children without special needs are also having their emotional needs met.
The rules are unfairly skewed toward children with special needs. They’re already doing too many compromises in my opinion this is completely unfair and unrealistic. You are not helping anyone by coddling those with sensory disorders. In this situation you are NTJ but if you continue with the status quo without changing these rules, you will become the jerk.” Ambitious-Screen
18. AITJ For Getting In A Fight With A Relative Over Ice Cream?
“I’m currently staying with my in-laws.
Before we came to visit my mother-in-law asked me what pregnancy cravings I was having because she wanted to make sure they had them for me. I mostly crave chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and they bought a lot of it for me.
I was eating it directly out of the tub since it never lasts more than two days max and nobody else was eating it as far as I was aware.
My mother-in-law’s goddaughter has been here for a few days now too and she saw me eating the ice cream from the tub and told me I was being gross because somebody else could’ve wanted some and I should use a bowl instead of just eating it directly from the tub.
I told her I was going to eat it all anyway and she accused me of being greedy. I started crying because we kept arguing over it and she was making me feel awful.
My husband saw me crying and was furious with her. My mother-in-law has been trying to smooth things over between everybody but my husband is still angry at her and she’s still angry at me because she thinks I cried on purpose to make him angry at her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I find it really confusing and insulting that pregnant women aren’t expected to act like adults. Like I think we should be readily forgiven for not being considerate when we are growing a whole human in our body, but I don’t think that we get a pass from acting like considerate adults.
You are putting your germs in a tub of ice cream. It’s not that hard to use a bowl and spoon. Eat as much as you want, but give someone the option to have some if they want. You can’t help the tears because your hormones are haywire.
But you can just move on from this and use a bowl. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.” janeradar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people need to stop moralizing this. It’s not like you rubbed your butt on the pizza everyone was about to eat, you ate ice cream that was bought for you, that no one else wanted, out of the container.
It doesn’t sound like cousin even wanted some, she just wanted to be judgy. And staying with parents is ideally NOT the same as being a guest in someone’s home. Rules get relaxed a little. People can think it’s gross, and people can prefer to have everyone in their house use a bowl at all times, but it’s not fair to call you a jerk over this.
Cousin is for being so outspoken and rude with her judgment. We don’t call people names.” AppleThrower5000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure, it’s good manners to not eat out of the container. In most other scenarios eating ice cream out of the container at someone else’s house would be a clear YTJ verdict.
But OP is a guest in the home, she’s pregnant, and the ice cream was purchased expressly for her. AND goddaughter didn’t just say hey eating from the container is gross what if someone else wants some. When OP replied that she was going to eat it all/finish the container (so the germ contamination was not a concern) the goddaughter told her she was greedy.
She told a pregnant woman eating ice cream out of the container – not goddaughter’s ice cream, by the way, as she’s a guest in the house too – that she was greedy for saying she was planning on eating all the ice cream.
That was purchased for her. Because she’s pregnant and craving that specific flavor of ice cream.
I’m sorry, that’s just not cool. Keep your opinions to yourself. I mean seriously? You’re so concerned about this ice cream situation that you’re gonna pick a fight with a pregnant lady about it?
Get out of here with that mess.
You know who’s the jerk in this situation? The goddaughter who decided to be the defender of the ice cream (which again, was not purchased by the goddaughter, not her ice cream) and made a pregnant woman cry, telling her how greedy she is for eating the ice cream her in-laws bought for her.
NTJ, OP. NTJ.” BellFirestone
17. AITJ For Not Paying For My Stepson's Plus Ones?
“I (52) married my wife (49) when her son was one year old. His dad has not been in his life consistently and we, his mom and I, have paid for his life. We bought him his first car. We paid for his education. We have been there for him.
Well, it’s our 25th anniversary coming up and I am taking my family to Hawaii to renew my vows. I have been saving up for ten years to do this for my wife.
I have a daughter (28) from a previous marriage. I am paying for her and her significant other to come.
My wife and I also have a younger daughter (21). We are paying for her and her SO to join us. As well as my mom and stepdad and my MIL.
The problem is my stepson. He is poly. He lives with a woman and two other men.
I love the kid and his love life is none of my business. But he wants me to pay for all four of them to come.
I told him to pick one. I don’t care if he brings a girl or a guy. But he only gets one extra guest. I said they were absolutely welcome to join us and that I would give him the funds for the two tickets and hotel room and he could figure out how best to get them all there.
He called me a cheap jerk and said I was excluding him because of how he lives. He is a waiter and doesn’t make a lot of money. The other people in his relationship are all lower income as well.
I honestly thought I was being fair.
Now he is saying that he won’t be coming but he still wants the money I would have spent on two tickets and the hotel.
I told him no and now he is not talking to me. My wife has said that I should give him the funds.
But that isn’t what I saved for.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have saved up for 10 years to take your wife and family on this wonderful vacation, you are being more than generous in allowing your kids to bring their SOs and for your son to do this is ludicrous.
He is acting like a spoiled brat. He was offered 2 tickets not cash. He can make a choice either go on vacation with 1 other person of his choice or not go. This is your anniversary celebration, not his celebration. He gets nothing but the tickets.
Congratulations and I hope you have a great time.” mikesspoiledwife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and wow your wife is so wrong, your son is not entitled (NOTICE THE WORD) to your money, he is an adult and can go or not. Everyone got a +1 he is just an entitled kid at heart.
He can not go and neither can his +3 crowd. It’s your money you saved up for a special event, take the extra you save and do a helicopter flight over a volcano or something that actually makes you happy.
As far as his lifestyle this has nothing to do with it and it’s gaslighting to even bring it into this context, it could be 2 guys and a girl, 3 guys, 2 turtle doves, and it wouldn’t matter, +1 is +1.” Malgorath666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is weaponizing his relationship in an effort to manipulate you.
Everyone gets one guest. That’s fair. He doesn’t want to choose (it will most likely be playing favorites in his relationship) so he should have just gone himself or declined the invite.
He is being entitled.
Don’t let him have more than one guest on your dime and don’t give him the money. Tell your wife you were stretching your budget for everyone to have a plus one on vacation and that you won’t just be handing over the cash as it will go back into the holiday/relieve stressors on your finances.” Status-Pattern7539
16. AITJ For Being A "Bad Influence" On The Kids?
“My partner is pretty mad at his parents over this, but some of his siblings and his parents think I was the jerk so here we are.
I (29F) am a pro boxer, though probably in my last year or two of active competing now.
My partner (35M) is really supportive of my career and he’s a total gem. We live on the opposite coast from his family and he has had a pretty sour relationship with his dad for years, so I’ve never met them. Over the last year, though, his parents have been making efforts to patch things up so when he mentioned that we were going to be in a nearby city to them for one of my matches, they wanted to get together for a family dinner.
I was actually kind of excited about it. I don’t have family and his family is huge, so I always wondered what that was like.
We originally tried to schedule the dinner for before the match because I look a mess for a couple of days after a match sometimes, but they had a conflict so we set it up for a couple of days after before we flew out to give me some recovery time.
I actually didn’t get that badly beat up, but there’s just no hiding f****l bruises and cuts. My partner already gave his parents a heads-up about what to expect but I don’t think they took it seriously.
We get there and his mom looks really uncomfortable and his dad is just like staring at me.
Some of his siblings and their families were there and I get mobbed by the nieces and nephews who all had about a million questions and that’s where I might have messed up. I told them about boxing and showed them a video on my phone of part of my fight so they would understand why I looked hurt and assured them I was fine.
It evidently impressed a couple of the nieces because they spent the entire dinner asking me questions and were kind of amazed that girls can do stuff like that.
His dad tried to shift the conversation several times and got pretty annoyed about it, and then said it was good I was thinking about retiring and getting on with a real life soon and I would have time to get a household together and start a family with my partner.
I told him that at most I would shift into being a trainer and I’ve already got the life I want. His mom made a comment about it being a shame I was bruising up my pretty face and I joked that this was my winner face, she should have seen the other woman.
The whole thing was just uncomfortable and weird, except for the kids and one of his sisters. When we got home, my partner checked his texts and immediately called and yelled at his parents. I found out later that his mom told him I was really inappropriate and a bad influence on the kids.
One of his brothers asked if he was going to bring ‘Barbarian Barbie’ back to Christmas because his kids were bouncing off the walls. But, his cool sister told him their daughter was already asking when Auntie OP was coming back.
It really has caused a major problem between my partner and his parents and I’m wondering if I should have just kept the boxing stuff to myself.”
Another User Comments:
“You gave his parents a heads up about the natural consequences of your profession. They had ample opportunity to talk about it with their kids ahead of time had they wanted to. Assuming you are correct and they didn’t take your warning seriously, they still had an opportunity once you were at the dinner to explain it in a kid-friendly fashion.
In the absence of explicit guidance from them, you did a very natural and reasonable thing: you gave a simple and straightforward explanation of your visible injuries, complete with video evidence of where they came from.
I’ll admit, I was both surprised and impressed with how you described your explanation, and then I realized that, like any other profession, you’ve probably had ample practice in responding to common questions about it.
So I’m no longer surprised, but I am still quite impressed.
NTJ.
The funny thing is that the family is completely overreacting. While it is very cool that girls can be boxers, most girls (and most boys for that matter) don’t really want to be… This means, like many other things kids get excited about, their excitement about this will fade.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Your greatest achievement at this dinner was making your partner’s nieces realize that their future did not have to be that of a ‘walking incubator’ unless they wanted it to be.
Even if they don’t want to be boxers, maybe it may open their eyes to the possibility of working in professions not usually (can’t believe I’m saying this in the twenty-first century) associated with being ‘women’s’ professions.
NTJ and you must be so happy to have a partner that is so immensely supportive of you.
Good luck with your relationship and good luck with your career as a trainer.
By the way, if you don’t call your new gym the ‘Barbarian Barbie Boxing Academy’, there’s no justice in the world.” Funkyzebra1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have some issues they could work on though. The audacity of them basically telling you that you have to be a housewife. They are calling you a bad influence because you don’t fit into their idea of what a woman should be.
They sound terribly close-minded. Your partner sounds awesome, though. Hopefully, you can have a good relationship with the cool sister and not have to deal with the parents very much. It’s not your fault they can’t handle your career and you shouldn’t have to hide who you are, which is a boxer.
And that is pretty cool!” Introspekt_Fun
15. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Get A Job?
“I (18F) live at home while I’m attending college. The plan was to stay at home to save funds to get an apartment. That plan clearly didn’t work.
My family has always financially struggled to the point we got evicted from places.
We lived in a motel for 2 years. Money is the cause of all arguments in my household.
Mom (54F) never had a job after my sis (21F) and I were born. The longest job she had was at a big distributor and she would take the VTO so she didn’t have to go in.
She doesn’t contribute any money to the house. She’s your typical mom victim of the ‘I do everything around here’ and ‘everyone in this house hates me’ type of nonsense. She put us through a lot as kids
Dad (59M) is the sole provider for the household.
The poor guy has really bad knees and both shoulders that are torn, he just got surgery a few months ago. But he works 50-60 hours a week. Last week pulled a 14-hour shift.
My mom refuses to get a job. She used to blame it on the fact that she had to drive everyone to school and stuff like that when I was in grade school.
She can’t use that excuse anymore bc I’m in college. My sister works full-time.
We have tried to get her to get a job she says ‘no I need to clean the house’ or ‘how will I get to work we only have 1 car,’ she was offered a position at my dad’s work.
She could work the same hours as him a few days a week. My parents have had to borrow numerous times from me and sis, and rn they owe me $1500 and they owe sis double that. The day I got my 1st paycheck she asked me for funds.
Last week we got into an argument because she wants to change the way I pay rent (which makes no sense since dad pays the bills) and I think she wants to up my rent too. Which I usually end up paying more anyways since they can never pay their bills on time.
(Last month I did $400 worth of groceries alone, I paid $500 worth of vet bills for her emotional support animal) literally more than I make in a month working 2 jobs.
The month before that I and sis had to pony up an extra $450 for rent because we were fixing to be late on rent that was not included in the funds we already paid for the month anyways.
I was mad that I had to move funds out of savings again because I’m trying to save up to get out of here. During the argument, mom said, ‘well you can start paying a 1/3 of the rent or you can get out.’ And I replied ‘How about everyone pays their share which is 1/4 since there are 4 people?
I’ll start paying more rent when you get a job and start contributing your 1/4 of household income or you can give me the funds you owe me and I’ll get out.’ She then called me a witch, stormed up to her room, and cried (That’s her signature victim show to try and guilt trip me).
My sister and dad agree with me. But my friend said I shouldn’t talk to the woman that raised me like that no matter what she’s done to me, she is still my mom and she deserves respect for that.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to get a job. She sounds like she doesn’t want a job. Who wouldn’t want to help their family when they are clearly struggling to make ends meet? And who thinks it’s okay to take excessive amounts of funds from their children?
Adult or not that’s insane they’ve taken about $5000 between you and your sister combined. That’s crazy. I know people might think you’re wrong for saying that to your mom but parents don’t automatically get to get respect because they raised you they have to earn it too.
It seems your mom doesn’t understand respect. It’s funny because if you are struggling so badly if she throws you out she will mess herself up even more and be forced to get a job because they need your money to survive. I think she’s bluffing.
Your dad seems like the down-to-earth parent here.” Mysterious-Dot7261
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother sounds like she has an inflated sense of self-centered importance while being financially and emotionally manipulative. Your mother seems to have some narcissistic tendencies from what you are describing.
Move out.
End of story. Your situation will not get any better until you leave. You are not obligated to take care of a toxic family member such as your mother.” Trinitykat
14. AITJ For Lying To The People I Was Babysitting For To Get Them To Rush Home?
“I am 15 years old and I babysit to make money. I took a first aid course and a babysitting course.
Last weekend one of my little sister’s classmates’ parents had a wedding to go to and asked if I would babysit. I asked how late they would need me and if I should pack an overnight bag if they were going to be staying out all night.
They said that they would be home by midnight. So I checked with my dad if that was okay because he is my ride. He doesn’t want me alone in a car with adults that he does not know.
So my dad was there to pick me up at 11:50.
The kids were all asleep and I was watching tv. I texted them at 11:00 to double-check that they would be on time. The mom texted me back ‘yes’.
12:30 they still aren’t there. I texted again. No answer. I called my dad and he is mad.
Not at me. One o’clock. I call them. No answer. My dad went and got a coffee at home and came back. He is all calm. Not good. He is ready to blow.
I texted every 15 minutes. No response.
2:20 I have an idea. I texted them that someone tried to break into their garage but that the alarm scared them away.
They were home wasted in an Uber in 15 minutes. My dad made them pay me for my extra time before we left. He told me that I’m not allowed to babysit for them again unless I charged them for an overnight stay.
Yesterday at school I saw the mom when I was picking up my sisters after school.
She gave me trouble for scaring her and her husband. That they had checked their security cameras and no one tried to break in. I said sorry the alarm went off so I called you.
She called me a liar. Which is fair. But I don’t feel bad about what I did.
They lied to me first.
My mom says I should have just sucked it up but my dad says that they broke our deal.
I kind of feel bad for tricking them into coming home from their party. But they could have told me it was overnight or texted me that they were going to be late.
My dad has brought me an overnight bag before when that happened.
EDIT: My mom wanted me to call the police to see if they had been in an accident. But I thought that if they were still at the wedding it would cause a scene.”
Another User Comments:
“There’s no judgment needed because you’re NTJ at all. They lied to you. Twice. You kept trying to ring and call them and clearly, they were checking their messages to if they all of sudden came home because they thought the alarm was off.
Considering they didn’t text you to say they needed you overnight, despite you asking, they’re jerks for staying out later.
You’re only 15, and they took advantage of your babysitting. At least your dad was angry at the right people, and he got you the overtime pay.
Your mum is a jerk for telling you to******* up. If I thought my teenager was going to be home at a certain time because she was told by the parents they’d be home, I’d expect my child home unless the parents asked nicely if they could change the plans.
I’d just ignore that woman. She’s a jerk for doing that to you. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. Only hope that she doesn’t spoil any future business for you.” Gumgums66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, totally get that at your age you lied instead of getting up in an adult’s face and calling that mother out on her own trashy behavior… but she and her husband are the jerks here.
Honestly, turn down future babysitting gigs from them if they ever ask you. You are a child too, and staying out till 2:30 am when they were supposed to be home HOURS earlier was terrible towards you. I commend your father for not getting into an altercation with their stupid wasted selves on camera that night… I would have been furious.
Not at you, sweetie, at THEM. Their behavior was immature, gross, and disrespectful of both you and your dad and your family… what if your family had plans on Sunday and you had been up till 3 or 4 am?
Yeah, screw those people. The fact the mom doubled down?
And confronted you at school? TELL YOUR PARENTS, and let them go Mama Bear on her entitled wasted self.” Myay-4111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re total jerks for trying to get over on you and I wish that you or your dad would have called them out on their crap.
They’re even bigger jerks for confronting you afterward instead of apologizing for making you wait for 2.5 hours AND it seems like they weren’t going to pay for the extra time if your dad had to make them do it?!
Take this as a teaching moment and decide what your rate will be if parents don’t arrive by the indicated time (i.e. double rate during the day, triple rate at night, etc).
Also, instead of lying next time, perhaps send a concerning text outlining what time they were supposed to arrive, what time it is, and indicate that you’ll be calling the police within 15min if you don’t receive a response. But you have to actually be committed to calling the police.” Sips_of_Tea
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Sister To Be In My Bridal Party?
“My fiance and I are engaged and recently chose our wedding party.
My bridesmaids are my two closest friends and his groomsmen are my brothers, one being his best friend and the other he has known just as long and has been like a big brother to him.
My fiance has a younger sister. She’s 4 years younger than him and is a cancer survivor.
That has shaped their relationship too. His parents favor her, spoil her rotten, and expect everyone to follow suit and she uses that to her advantage with people. My fiance has admitted sometimes he hates her. That when he says no to something, she throws cancer in his face or accuses him of wishing she had died when he won’t even do a simple thing for her.
He’s not estranged from his family but he’s not very close with them either. He does blame his parents for what happened and has a lot of resentment toward them because he was mostly ignored as a kid. After all, she was sick and then was expected to be treated like a princess.
He said his parents ruined her and gave him a crappy childhood. When we talked about our wedding party he had mentioned not wanting his sister in the wedding. I respected that, especially since, to put it bluntly, I don’t care about her at all.
We never hung out or anything.
Apparently, she was waiting once she heard we got engaged to be asked to be a bridesmaid and my fiance’s parents were also. No invite came and I was personally called by all three and asked about it. I told them I had not planned to ask her, that I was having my two closest friends.
They said she’s family though and important to my fiance. I told them she wasn’t close to me and they were asking me to include her in my bridal party where she does not belong.
They called me a jerk and told me I should be making more of an effort.
They also told me nobody belonged in my bridal party more and to think otherwise made me sound like a bully and after all she’s been through too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘They called me a jerk and told me I should be making more of an effort.’
This is their parenting style when it comes to their precious angel. They think she’s the most important person in the world and everyone should make her a priority in their lives.
If more people had told them ‘no’ when they make demands on her behalf then they would have curbed that entitled crap a while ago.
She, herself, also needs to be told ‘no’ more.
And when she starts in with that, ‘I had caaaancerrrrr and I bet you wished I didn’t make it’ crap, just say, ‘Stop using a past medical condition to manipulate people into giving you your way now.
It’s not a good personality trait and people will resent you for it.’
That’s something her parents should have told her, but instead, they reinforced it in her, which did her no favors. Even if it puts you on the outs with the in-laws, it’s well past time someone told them all ‘no’.
They’ll know they can’t manipulate you, which will save you a lot of aggravation in the future when it comes to her. NTJ.” SammyLoops1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re clearly not experienced enough to understand what a parent ‘should’ do in a prolonged trauma situation, or how complicated it is as a parent to manage the trauma impact across all your kids for a multi-year problem.
You don’t know what trauma nearly dying brings to a child. And you definitely don’t know what impact the trauma of having a child with cancer has on a marriage.
Your decision is self-centered. To not be the jerk you have to fix that attitude.
At this point, there’s no way you and your fiancé could stay married through a difficult situation like having a child with cancer. That kind of ordeal will push your selflessness to the brink and will tax your ability to forgive those closest to you as you have stress-induced arguments and legitimate strong differences of opinion in such a trauma.
This tiny little issue of adding an extra sibling as a bridesmaid shows where your focus is: yourselves. ‘my brothers are ok because he’s basically best friends with both of them, and I only want my best friends,’ it’s all about your estimation of your current personal friendships.
The sibling relationship is the longest relationship you will have: parents pass away, spouses come into your life later, and children come even later. Start focusing NOT on yourselves but on what you can do to help heal the trauma. Start with a sibling relationship, and make it about what friendship you want it to become.
Until then, YTJ.” happycoder73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your fiance had wanted her to be included and you refused, then that would be different and I would hedge towards a different judgment, especially as your brothers make up his side, but not only has he not asked for you to include her, he has expressly told you he doesn’t want her involved. If both the bride and groom don’t want her in the wedding party then that is all that matters, no one else gets to make those decisions.” Sunflower_dream85
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Sister See My Daughter?
“I (27f) and my partner (27m) have a 4-year-old daughter today. I have refused to let my partner’s sister see our daughter anymore and I need to know whether I am being out of order. 4 weeks ago my partner went out with his sister (27f), his dad (72m), and our child (4f).
They were supposed to go out shopping and for dinner. Well, 5 hours later I hadn’t heard anything so I rang him and he was clearly intoxicated. I asked him where he was and he said he was at his dad’s. I drove to get my daughter and when I walked in they were all extremely wasted and his sister had fallen over so wasted with my daughter that my daughter had scraped her arm.
My partner’s sister has also had 2 of her own children taken off her due to addiction and seriously hurting the children whilst under the influence. Currently awaiting a court date.
My partner is saying I am being controlling for not letting his sister see her but I am genuinely concerned for my daughter’s safety.
I want nothing to do with the woman now and I cannot trust him to take her around his family by himself after getting so intoxicated whilst my daughter was in his care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, women don’t get their kids taken away for nothing I’m not one of those the system is stacked against men people but the plain fact is moms are usually the first choice for custody, sometimes even if they aren’t truly fit to be.
His sister managed to get her kids taken away. She is not fit to care for your child, or anyone else’s. Especially if she thinks what they did was ok.
Your husband, frankly, doesn’t seem fit to be parenting his own child, since he was wasted as well.
You don’t drink when you’re responsible for your kid. That’s such a no-brainer that they don’t even mention it in the parenting books.” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“Take pics of the injury your daughter has. If or when this goes to the court show them the pics and explain how and when this happened. Tell the court that her dad was wasted and so was the sister and your daughter got hurt, that’s why she’s not allowed to see your daughter and that’s why you have stopped the dad from seeing his daughter on his own.
NTJ. Your partner could not even go one day without getting wasted, what if something serious happened what then. You’re doing the right thing.” CandThonestpartners
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, none of them are fit to be around a child. Lawyer up if possible. Make sure your partner can not just show up with the police and take the child.
Save text messages talking about why you will not allow this. It will help if you have to do a custody battle. If your daughter would have been seriously hurt that day you would be in court trying to get your child back. So you need to decide if a relationship with your partner is worth losing your daughter over or even worse getting her seriously injured.” evillittleperson
11. AITJ If I Don't Give My Friend Her Baby Gift Back?
“I had a baby six months ago and a close friend of course got me several gifts for my baby for my shower.
We were recently video chatting and she asked if I’d put the baby in one of the outfits she got (a specific outfit, not just any outfit she got).
Unfortunately, my baby hadn’t gotten to wear the outfit as it was way too hot out for it outside when the baby was in that size. She’s now outgrown it. I told her she didn’t get to wear it because it wasn’t the right season/size but got out one of the ones she fits into now out to put her in.
My friend then mentioned she’d gotten several outfits in a similar style in that same size, and asked if she’d gotten to wear any of them. She hadn’t, so I said no, but enthusiastically promised I would be passing them to my cousin who’s currently pregnant so they would get used.
Friend then asked if the tags were still on, and I said they were. And then she asked if I’d pack them up to give back to her (her children are much older and she can’t have more) so she could return them since I didn’t use them.
She said she really needed the money.
It just feels weird. AITJ if I say no?
ETA: for what it’s worth, I’ll probably give them back… it just feels so weird. I’d already packed them in a large box of things I was sending over to my cousin so the only inconvenience to me is digging them back out, and if I remember correctly it was a consignment store and probably a total of $10-$15.
For the record, she’s well off, just has a spending problem. But that part isn’t super important to me.
A final edit: I gave them back late last night. She came over to grab them. She posted this afternoon about the new PS5 she bought her fiancé.
So I’m thinking she wasn’t all that strapped for cash.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you don’t give the clothes back.
While I agree it’s weird to ask for a gift back, the fact is she bought those items for your baby, not your cousin’s baby, and she specifically said she really needs the money from the return.
So yes you would be the jerk if you refuse.
Personally, I think you’re both crass, sorry. It’s crass to ask someone to give back a gift so you can return it for cash. And it’s crass to tell someone who lovingly bought your baby a gift that your child didn’t get to use but hey, you’ll regift it to someone else.
I’d be mortified if I was in any of your places.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has serious issues. This is NOT about the money. She wants them back as a power move because you did not use them. No one calls someone up to get a gift back 6 months later because they are hurting for money.
And if you had used them, or even just washed them like most new moms do, then they would be unreturnable. She did not call you looking to get them back due to financial issues. She called and asked because she did not get to see any pics of the baby in HER clothes.
Then she was MAD when you said they went unused and were now going to help out your cousin. How dare you? That is why she wants them back. She is a jerk.” Corduroycat1
10. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Sister's Gentle Parenting?
“I (F34) generally get along with my sister (F30) except for one thing, how she parents her kids (8m) (7f). She describes her style as gentle or child-led but it’s really just permissive, in my opinion.
Our parents were a touch on the strict side.
They weren’t mean or harsh but they held us both to standards and they didn’t believe in things like phases. With that being said they are great parents and grandparents and we both have a very good relationship with them.
Anyway back to my sister.
She lets her kids get away with everything and the kids know it. There’s never any discipline and the kids manipulate their way out of the rare punishments that she tries to enforce. It’s getting to the point where I and others refuse to babysit.
We were together last month and she was complaining about the lack of babysitters and she didn’t understand why. I was honest and polite in telling her that her kids misbehave and she does nothing about it. She responded that she’s a ‘gentle parent’ and that she got a lot of info from TikTok.
I responded that kids need to be respected but they also need rules and boundaries.
She left in a huff. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For Pete’s sake, parenting by TikTok. That says it all really.
NTJ, I really like that parenting styles are changing and are more accepting that every kid is different.
That doesn’t mean that coddling and raising them without boundaries is a good thing. It’s a scale, to my mind smacking and screaming is at one extreme and this ‘you can do no wrong’ is at the other. Raise a child to think they can do whatever without consequences and they’ll push it further and further until they get a smack in the face or a night in the cells.” kcl1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Some people who grow up in a strict parenting style think that the opposite way is the one to follow when it’s their turn to parent. Your sister seems to be one of those types. Your sister also has the desire to be liked by her children and feels that they’ll hate her if she enforced any rules.
You gave your opinion when your sister asked and you were quite polite about it. Going forward, if she continues the same ‘parenting style’, she’s going to be told the same thing much more harshly and with consequences like her kids facing disciplinary action in school/even being ousted from there.
There’ll be no use crying about spilled milk then.” Spiritual-Bridge3027
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I love gentle parenting, but I’m not a permissive parent. Rules and boundaries are so important. Giving kids respect teaches kids to expect respect and how to interact with others in a respectful way.
Having firm boundaries teaches kids they can’t just walk all over other people and how to react when other people try to walk all over them.
Permissive parenting teaches kids there’s no point in trying as the outcome is the same either way, and it’s fine to walk all over other people’s boundaries.
It means they don’t have a framework for how to set limits or proportional responses. It’s bad parenting.” LostDogBoulderUtah
9. AITJ For Telling Someone That Being A Nurse Is Not A Personality Trait?
“I have a friend called ‘Jen’. Jen and I are not BFFs per se, but we know each other through a mutual friend. I follow her on social media.
Jen is currently in nursing school.
When she got into the program, of course, we were all absolutely ecstatic for her. And don’t get me wrong, I am still happy that she is continuing the program. However, recently, her social media posts have been irritating.
Jen posts a lot of nursing content that honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
When I say this, I don’t mean things like pictures of her in her scrubs, giving updates about how school is going, pictures of her books, informational content, etc. No, I mean content like long paragraphs about how nurses have to make many sacrifices when other jobs don’t as much, with her staring off into the distance and dramatic music playing in the background.
Or she would post a sunset, and then write about how nurses have to work in a ‘war zone’ and how other people just don’t get it. The sunset has nothing to do with being a nurse girl.
Some are much more guilt trippy: ‘While ya’ll sit at home comfortably on the couch, we work nonstop.’ Again with her making dramatic facial expressions and somber music in the background.
There was one that was just plain stupid that read ‘If there is one job that deserves the most respect, it’s the nursing profession.’ Then there were the drawings of nurses with angel wings or the one with superheroes bowing down to nurses that she posted. This type of content has been non-stop for the past several months.
And may I remind you, she’s still a student. I don’t know how cringy her posts are going to be after she officially becomes a nurse.
Recently, Jen, three other friends, and I got brunch together. And during this meetup, Jen incorporated her social media posts ideas into everyday life.
One of our friends has a younger sister who decided to go into architecture as her major in college. Upon hearing this Jen kind of smirked and said something along the lines of ‘Hmm I see she chose a mundane career path.’ We were all taken aback by her statement but brushed it off initially.
Then, one of my other friends ‘Abby’ decided to lament about how hard grad school was. For context, she’s getting her Master’s in Finance. Jen decided to butt in and say ‘You seriously think that’s hard. Imagine being in my shoes for a day. You gotta be really fit to be going to nursing.’ And at this point, I lost it because I was really annoyed. I spoke up and said ‘Jen, being a nurse is not a personality trait.
And you’re being really trashy right now.’ Jen got really defensive and said that she was just stating her opinion and that I don’t know what I’m babbling about. We started arguing back and forth and brunch ended a bit early because of this fight.
Abby agreed with me and thanked me for defending her. However, my other friend who was there ‘Jane’ said that it was wrong of me to be rude to Jen and insult her choice of career. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a retired nurse.
Jen is right. Nursing is so much harder than people imagine. But if Jen thinks nursing is harder than a myriad of other professions while she is still in school she needs to walk away now.
We all know people who barely have an education but they provide essential services.
I think waiters & waitresses have really hard jobs. They put up with some of the worst people but get paid so little. How many of us are grateful for the people at the sewer treatment facilities? That’s a hard job. What would any of us do without sanitation services?
I wonder if Jen had ever worked on a fishing boat in Alaska. Freezing temperatures, back-breaking work, and long hours. I wonder if she has worked 12-hour shifts on an oil rig in the desert. Or been a wildland firefighter battling an inferno that destroyed whole towns.
Lastly, has Jen been the mama of little ones, walking the floor at night with a sick infant worried out of her mind while at the same time caring for the other children who need her equally as much? All mamas know it certainly is possible to go 3 days without sleep because these little people need you.
Yes, nursing is hard but not the hardest thing ever.” ParticularReview4129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How is it wrong for you to be rude about Jen’s career choice, but not for her to be rude about Abby’s or the friend’s younger sister’s?
And to clarify, you weren’t being rude about Jen choosing to be a nurse; you were being ‘rude’ about Jen choosing to act like no other profession on Earth is as important or more difficult, and I don’t think your reaction to her obnoxiousness was rude.
She hasn’t even finished the training program, yet she’s already acting like she’s saving lives.
Listen, nurses deserve so much respect and admiration for the jobs they do. Many of them are incredible people who give so much of themselves, and they really do help people.
That said, most of them don’t put themselves on this weird pedestal, insinuating that they’re superheroes while simultaneously crapping on every other profession there is. Certified nursing assistants deserve just as much respect. As do ER doctors. Has Jen never heard of an EMT?
Firefighters? Police (yes, some of them)? TEACHERS?!
I don’t know her, but she has me low-key hoping she fails the program.” bowyamyshoobs24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jen insulted the careers of others in your group and expected everyone to either directly agree with her or to shut up and agree silently.
While everyone is entitled to love their own profession, no one is entitled to insult others’ careers because ‘they are easier’.
If she wants to make a big drama out of this you can tell her that if she is entitled to her opinion that everyone should bow to her because she is a nurse, you can have the opinion that others’ careers are also important and not ‘wrong’ just because she is full of herself.” nexutus
8. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Cry After Calling Her Jealous?
“I was a teacher (f38). High school, math and chemistry. I loved my job.
My husband is a lector at university (m51). We have two children. SIL (f39) is also a teacher.
I have always loved interior design. Our apartment is something people talk about all the time. People (relatives, friends, etc) always ask me to help them design their homes.
When the global crisis hit and people started working from home, a colleague of mine asked me to help her design her husband’s home office. I did and my colleague made a post about their new home office. It blew up and more of their acquaintances asked me to help them.
This time they paid. I started a social media account. Soon I did home offices and gyms. When people started going back to work I started designing for companies. Now I even do restaurants, hotels, etc. I left my teaching job at the start of this year.
I have also been developing home gym furniture that will be launched next year.
We had dinner at my in-laws’ last Sunday. That’s when MIL started talking about my company to her friends. SIL got very irritated and said that my clients are only desperate rich men that wanted to flirt with me.
I felt a lump in my throat because everyone was listening in shock. She said, ‘it’s true, ask (my husband’s name), he told me that.’ I told her that she was being hurtful. That I work hard for my company. She said NO ASK HIM (about my husband), he won’t stop whining about how he hates your new hobby.
I told her that I always knew that she is a bitter and jealous witch but that this is a new low and that I’m tired of it. She started crying because she hated that people always tell her that she is jealous.
When I got home I felt bad.
I embarrassed her where she is most sensitive and in front of everybody. And for something she heard from my husband. I didn’t shout at him but instead attacked her. I’m always the bigger person, how could I slip? Yeah, I’m probably gonna need to apologize, ain’t I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is being told she’s jealous all the time because she is jealous & apparently you aren’t the only one who’s noticed. Did your husband actually say those things though? If so, then he absolutely sucks too.
But you’re his wife & she clearly has a pattern, so don’t feel so bad about not scolding him in public. If he really feels that way though, you have bigger issues than just your SIL’s feelings. Why hadn’t he been honest with you about it?
Is he really that threatened by your success? Regardless, you’ve done nothing wrong based on this info other than marry into a dysfunctional family.” Queen_Latifah69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband & your sister sure are. Your husband is a lector – not a professor of any kind – at a university.
You are a successful business person & entrepreneur. It sounds like your husband is also jealous of your success, & in a mean backbiting ‘I will reap the financial rewards of my wife’s success & then backstab & insult her so I don’t feel too emasculated’ kind of way.
If you don’t want to apologize to your SIL, keep in mind that if you divorce your husband, you will probably never have to see her again.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“My dear, you are the one person in this scenario who is definitely NTJ.
I won’t go so far as to call the others at the table jerks per se (with the exception of the husband-type person), but any of them could have told her she was being inappropriate. Husband and SIL were just truly the co-stars of The Jerk Show.
Husband never should’ve been saying those things to his sister rather than using his big boy words to talk to his wife. That right there seriously needs to be addressed not now, but RIGHT now. As for SIL, I would very sweetly ask: so why do you think you feel so inadequate as a human being that you have to arbitrarily attack others to feel good?
Is there something that I could do to help you get rich men to flirt with you so that you don’t feel the need to project your fear of missing out on others? How much attention do you need and how often do you need it to feel emotionally stable enough to sit at the grown-ups’ table?
I’m pretty sure she’ll either have a meltdown and leave or blow up and leave. Either way, she leaves and you guys enjoy your meal.” AmbitiousAd560
7. AITJ For Reporting My Boss To HR For Dismissing My Medical Condition?
“I (25f) for the past three years have been suffering from severe migraines and uncontrollable body movements which were later found out to be focal seizures (a type of epilepsy).
My boss has been aware of my health since it started three years ago and he initially showed concern but now that I cannot work as quickly as I used to, he keeps calling me lazy and a pretender. I have sent my medical report and all that to my boss and pleaded to be moved to a different section in the department where I can work devoid of the triggers but he said no. He even once told me I can quit and he doesn’t care.
I asked for my workload to be reduced and it took 5 months and a very bad seizure at work for him to listen. Even after that, he told me that he would tell anyone that asks about my health that I am just pretending.
This year, my seizures have gotten so bad that I begged to be transferred but he said I should fight my own battles.
I was once yelled at in front of staff and customers that I am pretending just to avoid work. This made me call my uncle who told my boss off for bullying. After which, nobody in the office had been speaking to me (it has been 4 months now.)… I even ended up having another horrible seizure which rendered me hospitalized.
During my sick leave, I decided to go to HR to report everything that has been happening to me (I had sent them mails over the years but this was the first time they were going to see me) because I couldn’t bear it anymore; the laughter, the names, and the seizures.
I haven’t been to work since due to the advice of my doctor and HR.
I got a call recently and was told my boss has told everyone that I have gone to report him to HR. I am remembering how I had reported him to my uncle and as a result, nobody has been speaking to me for months, and one of my colleagues warned me to remember the relationship I have built with my boss and keep quiet, I can’t help but feel I should have just kept my mouth shut because now I don’t know how bad things will get when I resume work.
My seizures began over a year after I gained employment so I didn’t have them when I started working. Also, most of my other colleagues do not seem to care about my health as much, they have called me an attention seeker and laughed at me to my face as I am actively seizing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss is a despicable example of a human being and should not be leading a team of any kind. His behavior is unacceptable, and demeaning and enabled others to mock you when you’re having a seizure!
If HR doesn’t do anything to address your boss’ behavior and your work situation, I would advise you to get a lawyer to review your case and provide alternative actions.
This is simply not acceptable in any workplace.” 1hotsauce2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for calling HR; this is exactly what HR is for!
But how does your boss know you went to HR? If someone in HR is not keeping your information confidential, you need to go higher in your organization and also consult a lawyer who specializes in employment law.
However, your uncle should not be in this story. Nobody other than you has a contract with your company, nobody other than you has any standing to talk to them about your employment unless you are unable to. Your uncle’s interference makes you look unprofessional and incapable.” Passing_Throu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t choose to have seizures or not. If you have given your boss medical reports from your doctor, then he should have all the info he needs to respect that you have a medical condition and are not just ‘lazy’.
You were well within your right to report him. His behavior is unacceptable and you deserve to be treated with the same level of respect as any one of your co-workers.” Silent-Ang3l
6. AITJ For Only Accepting My Mother's Partner And Not My Dad's?
“I (24M) have recently got into an argument with my brother (26M) and my twin (24M) about our father bringing his current partner to family events, outings, etc.
To preface, my parents got divorced almost two years ago. This was after 6 years of sleeping in different rooms and 2 years of having separate houses.
My brothers and I always agreed to stay out of their relationship problems ever since we were young because we knew what was inevitably the outcome and we didn’t want to choose sides. By the time they divorced, we were all adults and either out of college or about to be.
We became involved, however, after it was revealed that our father had an affair for the entirety of those 8 years. We had our suspicions since our mother constantly talked about a woman she didn’t like from our father’s work that he would constantly spend time with, but we never knew it was actually happening until our uncle (who worked with our father) told our whole family.
Afterward, we rallied on our mother’s side of the situation and agreed that we couldn’t forgive our father for this.
It’s been two years since the divorce and although I expected feelings to change, I didn’t think they would end up as they are so quickly.
About two months ago my mother started seeing a man that she’s been getting serious with. Both of my brothers have met him but I have not. Despite this, I think he’s a great guy and he makes our mother happy, and my brothers share these feelings.
Then, our father asked us if we would be comfortable with him bringing his partner (the same woman he had an affair with) to family gatherings and events. I asked my brothers what they thought, stating that I wasn’t comfortable with it, and they both agreed that it may not be ideal, but that we should get to know her since we’ve gotten to know our mother’s partner.
I understand where they’re coming from considering that both of our parents have significant others now and me accepting one but not the other could be playing favorites, but I believe there are differentiating circumstances at play. While I agree our father should be happy, regardless of what I think about his character, I don’t agree that his partner should receive the same treatment as our mother’s partner, considering the fact that my mother didn’t have an affair with said partner for 8 years.
My brothers don’t see it this way and instead have called me childish for not moving on.
While I understand I may be seen as immature, I cannot see how my brothers think these significant others are on an equal playing field.
Edit: I’ve been asked for the details of my parents’ separation.
The reason my parents started sleeping in separate rooms in the first place was because my mother had seen a message from the woman on my father’s phone. When she confronted him about it he told her that he hadn’t felt attracted to her for a long time.
That’s when they started sleeping in different rooms. The reason they didn’t start the divorce process was partly due to financial issues but mainly due to the fact that my mother was still in love with my father and wanted things to work out, despite the affair.
They went to couples therapy and he promised her he would keep trying to make things work. However, he was still seeing this woman even whilst attending therapy. My mother told me and my brothers all this after they had started finalizing the divorce.
As for how my mother feels now: it was only a few days ago that my mother and father sat down to talk about possibly seeing each other’s new partners, but she said she won’t cause a scene trying to get her banned from family events for her kids’ sake but that she doesn’t ever want to meet her personally.
They have both told me and my brothers it’s up to us to decide how we feel about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your father had an affair and betrayed his family with this woman. She knew he was married and actively participated in the breakup of a marriage.
Your mom’s partner had no part in their breakup. Not the same at all.
Your dad’s partner has proven repeatedly over YEARS that she had no respect for your mom or your family unit. She is not to be trusted nor does she have anyone’s best interest at heart except her own.
Huge difference!
Your dad is the major jerk here. Major! Accepting his and his partner’s betrayal, lies, subterfuge, and dishonorable behavior just because you’ve embraced your mom’s partner is illogical.
Consequences.” MagicianOk6393
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re entitled to your feelings and they are entitled to theirs.
It’s really not about favoritism. It’s knowing that your father was involved with this woman while married to your mom. What kind of person does that? Your dad is obviously a jerk, but you’re struggling with how to feel about his mistress. I’m a firm believer that spouses are responsible for infidelity, but at the same time, as a child, even an adult child, you have to come to terms that she knowingly had a relationship with a married man for years.
Is that a person you can respect and like? And that’s what you’re struggling with.
You feel your mother did it right. She waited until she was divorced before finding another man. Your father did not and you’re wondering why he and his mistress should be rewarded for their crap behavior when they broke all the rules.
You’re wondering where are their consequences. Or at least that’s my opinion.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but make no mistake – your Dad is the one that’s wrong here. He’s the one who married your Mom, he’s the one who made a vow to her.
He’s the one who decided to break that vow. Now I’m not saying the woman is innocent, especially because she probably knew he was married, but… you don’t know what he told her. She might have been lied to for nearly a decade, thinking their marriage was something entirely different than it was.
He’s clearly capable of lying, a lot, to whoever he can to get his way. So maybe don’t blame the woman AS MUCH as dad. Maybe give her a chance, but make sure Dad knows he’s still wrong.” otsukaren_613
5. AITJ For Going Off At My Classmate For Making Jokes About My Sister?
“I have a classmate who is in his 40s. I know his age and he knows mine. Last week, I mentioned my younger sister briefly in conversation. I was saying how I didn’t like rollercoasters but my younger sister loves rollercoasters. Cue to the classmate jokingly saying ‘haha set us up’.
I replied back with a simple no. And although it did rub me the wrong way, I thought it was harmless albeit weird.
Yesterday, we were talking again and my sister came up in conversation again. I did bring her up first, but only to say how much she enjoys rollercoasters on a random topic.
He proceeds to mention that my sister and he have more in common now. I immediately told him no, she’s 22 and he’s 40, and that he needs to back off.
This is where I may have been the jerk. He proceeded to tell me ‘haha nope, I’ve gone out with 15 years both ways recently’.
He proceeds to tell me more detail about his personal life, which I don’t want to go into detail because it might expose him, but I ended the conversation along the lines of ‘I don’t care if you go out with someone older or who you go out with, but my sister is 22 and you need to stop’.
Except with lots more curse words. He ended up telling me to never contact him again, which I am very ok with, but one person did tell me I was being a jerk and that he was harmless, and it was just ‘a joke’.
I’m not sure if these details help, but for more information regarding my relationship with this classmate: When we first met he expressed interest in me.
I turned him down, and although he acknowledged my disinterest, he did cut ties completely with me, which I respect and understand.
A few weeks later, he reached out to me and told me that since he has now ‘slept with other women, (he) is now over me and ready to be classmates again’.
He only made the joke about wanting to get with my sister twice. The first time I only said no. The second time was my angry outburst.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s creepy and his ‘jokes’ are creepy. Why are you communicating with him at all?
Unless you are working on a class project with him, then just stop talking to this guy. If you are working on a class project with him, then ONLY communicate about the project – no need to talk about what you and your sister do for fun.
He keeps making these jokes because he gets a reaction from them. Stop giving him the reaction. Discuss necessary school information only through your school email, and only through the school email in case he goes further and you need your school admin to get involved. Stop texting this person and lose his number.
Being a classmate does not entitle him to your personal contact info.” ToughAd7278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His repeatedly insisting on discussing his personal life and proclivities with other students after being told unequivocally that it makes you uncomfortable and asked to stop his harassment.
You have asked him more than once to STOP talking about your sister in a flirty context and to stop discussing his personal life with you. He point-blank refused. He’s harassing you and being super inappropriate and creating an environment that is unpleasant to learn in.
You are definitely NTJ, and I wouldn’t blame you if you reported him to the professor or the administration.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Very likely NTJ but not totally sure.
It would help if we were there to see your explosion. It should be proportional to the offense, right?
So… like if you caused a huge scene and publicly humiliated and emasculated the guy in front of everyone… maybe YTJ. If you were simply telling him in no uncertain terms to stop pushing to meet your sister and that you did not appreciate his ‘jokes’, then it was totally appropriate and you’re NTJ.
I certainly think he deserved a negative reaction from you so generally, I want to say NTJ, but only you know if you went too far.” kpark1996
4. AITJ For Refusing To Delete My Post?
“Two days ago, I (23f) shared a post on my page related to PTSD and issues raised living with a dysfunctional family. I did not tag or target anyone specifically when I shared the post. Later in the day, I called my Grandmother (the only semi-healthy family member I interact with on both sides of my family) and was video chatting with her while prepping dinner.
After a while, I could tell she was upset about something so I asked her what was wrong. She told me she was mad at me. I couldn’t figure out what I had done so I asked her to give me specifics. She told me the post I shared in the middle of the night upset her and the whole family and reflected badly on her.
She then remarked that my life was not that bad. I was taken aback and became really upset. She told me to delete the post and think about what I post next time. I was crying by that point and hung up on her. I have been going back and forth on whether I should delete the post but now I am refusing to do so.
It’s on my own social media page so why should I cater to others? So, AITJ?
ETA – I think it may help if I add some background information on myself and generally my family. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and Dissociative Disorders.
I have been in therapy my whole life but now with my current therapist, I feel comfortable enough to share my trauma. Currently, I am learning how to set boundaries and express suppressed emotions; essentially processing my past now when I wasn’t able to before.
My parents are out of the picture as they were extremely toxic.
My Grandmother raised me for half my life but there were still toxic and manipulative tendencies she displayed. These past few days have been rough emotionally, as I am now grieving for the last member of my family I thought I could lean on.
But now I realize how toxic she is as well. I guess this is a semi-update more than an ETA, but I wanted to share that I just had an emergency session with my therapist to process my physical and emotional reaction to these last few days, and I feel validated with how I feel and will be seeking a support group.
I wanted to add another edit: I shared a post from another page on social media. Perhaps I should’ve specified that this post was shared from a C-PTSD and Me page with the title saying ‘Things you might miss when you’re from a dysfunctional family’ with 10 things listed such as ‘being able to express your emotions openly,’ having typical worries as a child, not one who had to grow up too fast, etc. I did not write the post, only shared something I related to.
Hope this clears some things up.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your post, your social media, take it down or leave it up as you see fit.
But also: the consequences of your actions. It’s really, really disingenuous of you to make a post airing your family’s dirty laundry where your family can see it and expect ‘Well, I didn’t tag or target anyone’ to be a defense when you get pushback.
Vaguebooking doesn’t somehow mean your family won’t still be mad at you.
Whether you delete the post or not should depend partly on how much you value your relationship with your grandmother. Sure, you can go the ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’ route, but that’s a quick way to find out that nobody owes you anything either.
Including your grandmother, who doesn’t owe you her time or her good opinion.” writinwater
Another User Comments:
“My friend, you shouldn’t cater to anyone on your social media, even more so when you’ve shared something that’s clearly dear to you. Grandparents tend to be very little understanding of the actual effect of a post, so you shouldn’t feel personally attacked. On the other hand, it is pretty mean to downplay the effect your family had in your life with comments like ‘your life wasn’t that bad’.
It negates your very valid feelings and you have all the right to be angry about that. Even more so when your post wasn’t directed at anyone. So very strong NTJ here.
But you gotta consider not what it really is but how your gram perceives it.
You don’t have any obligation to take down the post, but maybe you could do it if only to keep her happy. Your relationship with your gram is clearly important to you so the decision isn’t about being a jerk but about what’s more important to you: your freedom of speech about this particular topic and in the particular setting of social networks or keeping the peace.
She shouldn’t put you in that position but there’s a limit to how much you can reason with an elder person. It’s just how it gets with age.” LITTLECAKEJONES
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, there is an ‘everyone sucks here’ side that you need to understand.
It is your page, you shouldn’t have to police yourself for others, but that means you also have to accept that others are going to react in a way you may not appreciate, like, or agree with. There will always be fallout. They have their own perceptions of what happened in their lives with you which are also valid and making public the darker parts may be something they’re not ready to face, or feel.
They may have a very different reason for their own trauma in those events, and you may not come out as clean as you perceive yourself from another’s perception. There are always consequences to bringing your truth to light, both good and bad.” mtnsrcallin
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Acting Like A Toddler?
“So I, (m22), go to uni and I have a friend from my class, Casey (f21). We’re in our third year of uni.
We hang out sometimes outside of uni with other friends but I wouldn’t say Casey and I are close.
Recently, Casey has been talking to me a lot more and making efforts to try to spend time with me. At first, I thought Casey was interested in me and subtly reminded her that I have a partner, but it turns out that Casey is a lesbian.
Anyway, Casey has been talking to me a lot out of nowhere. She frequently vents to me about her problems which I don’t mind but it is almost every day.
Casey has also been asking me to do tasks for her like calling customer service numbers for her because she’s ‘too shy’ to do it herself, accompanying her to doctor’s appointments, or moving furniture in her apartment.
I’m not very good at telling people no and I thought I was doing a good deed by helping her out, but she never talks to me unless she wants to vent or to ask me to help her with stuff and it’s becoming draining.
A few days ago, Casey called me to ask me if I could accompany her to the orthodontist as she’s getting her braces tightened. I told her that I couldn’t as I had a date with my partner on that day.
Casey implied that I should cancel the date, and I firmly told her I wasn’t going to, but I hope her appointment goes well.
She started talking in a baby voice and begging me to go with her and going on about how she’s scared of the dentist. I told her no again.
She started yelling at me and said I’m a garbage friend. I kind of lost my patience and yelled back at her and told her to ‘grow up and stop acting like a toddler’.
Casey went silent for a few seconds then hung up the phone, and she’s blocked me on everything and has been telling all our classmates that I’m a ‘nice guy.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t being a ‘nice guy’ – that term is for guys who pretend to be a girl’s friend so they can sleep with the girl.
SHE is the one trying to force intimacy with you. SHE is the one pushing you into the partner support role. SHE is the one who threw a tantrum when you rightfully chose a date with your partner over her dental appointment.
You chose your partner, who you are actually in a relationship with, and Casey freaked out and tried to trash your reputation.
She’s built your acquaintanceship into something much larger in her brain and that’s enough of a reason for you to end the friendship.” sparrowhawk75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But Casey sounds like she’s dealing with some intense social anxiety. You are NOT responsible for managing that.
She needs to seek out therapy. If this is hampering her day-to-day ability to function, I would consider reaching out to one of your school counselors and explaining the concern for her mental health to see if they can work with her. I’m not sure if your campus offers it but when I was in college our campus had mental health counselors on staff free of charge to the students.
If someone expressed concern about another student, they operated similarly to social workers in reaching out and trying to assist or (in cases where a student’s safety was a concern) evaluating if a student needed more involved medical care.
With social anxiety, it can be very hard for someone to seek out the treatment themselves.
Often times that person will need a friend/family/partner to intervene and make the appointment or be approached by a medical professional after someone reports a concern in order to begin treatment.” cryssylee90
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she is really underdeveloped which is sad, and probably didn’t have parents that helped her be independent.
But that’s also a HUGE part of college – getting independence and learning ‘self-mastery’ that you CAN do those things.
Honestly, you can take comfort in knowing that you are doing her a favor by NOT running her life for her! It’s sad but it’s absolutely not your fault, not your responsibility, and not helping her at all to cave into her demands.
In the end, she really does need to grow up and get help. Anxiety only gets worse if you shrink away into smaller and smaller boxes (I know, I have to struggle against doing this to myself constantly). You are her crutch that she will only ever lean harder onto until you break under the weight.
Let her go OP, and know you are NTJ in any sense.” LullabyBun
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My Brother To Change The Name Of His Boat?
“My (28F) brother J (39M) is engaged to D (37F). We grew up in a coastal town and boating is something all of us siblings enjoy, especially J. He has his own boat that he renamed after his partner died. Her name wasn’t particularly common, but there is a famous painting.
D recently started talking about how she’s been asking J to change the name of the boat, but he doesn’t want to. I didn’t put much thought into this since it’s not my place, until a couple of days ago.
My parents invited all of us for dinner, after a bit D pulled me aside and asked if I could talk to J about changing the name of the boat.
She said because it’s a unique name people would ask and then what would she say? I said literally no one asks about boat names, even if they do say the truth or tell them it’s after the painting. She kept pushing, saying that J needs to understand that they were going to build a life together now and to talk to him, and maybe he’d listen to his little sister.
I got annoyed and told her she was an idiot, my brother’s with her now and it’s just a name.
D got mad and said she thought I’d be more supportive of her, and she now knows her place in the family.
I really don’t think I said anything wrong but D clearly thought otherwise.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are sort of the jerk, but not entirely. Definitely, your future SIL is a jerk, but you were sort of one when you called her an idiot. Avoiding that label is so easy if you just give some thought and choose your words carefully.
The FSIL seems to have a lot of feelings of insecurity and making the statement about ‘knowing where she fits in the family’ confirms that. You will have future issues with her acting out on insecurities. Next time this happens, don’t call her names. That merely makes you the bully.
Instead, acknowledge her feelings, but point out what is wrong with her request in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack on her intelligence, looks, character, etc., but is more about her choices. In this situation, for example, you could have said, ‘I know that it probably makes you feel weird knowing the boat was named after an ex.
However, my brother loves you, and the boat name does not diminish that. Show that you love him by understanding his feelings about this person that he cared for at one time in his life. Show the confidence you have in your relationship by letting this go.
You are the only one that sees this as a bad thing.'” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“You’re only the jerk for resorting to name-calling. Name-calling is never necessary, there are plenty of ways you could have told this lady she is unhinged without the use of verbal abuse.
You’re right though! She needs to get over herself, if the name of the boat bothers her that much maybe she should just move on and be with someone who doesn’t have your brother’s history. Not everyone has a deceased partner to pay tribute to and while I don’t think your brother is wrong and she is definitely being weird about it, if she can’t get past it she could easily find herself in a situation where it wouldn’t be an issue.” Any_Ad6921
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should stop trying to compete with a ghost. He did something to honor the memory of someone who he loved who passed. Her taking this sentiment as an insult or threat to her status is sad. I’d wonder if she passed would she want the ways you were keeping her memory alive to be removed because a new partner requested it?
She needs to remember that no is a complete sentence and if this isn’t working for her and she feels she now ‘knows her place’ she is free to end things, walk away, and find a new partner who will be what she wants. Staying and making his life and yours miserable until you all give in is not the way.” rocklandguy324
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Calling her an idiot wasn’t necessary, but she’s jealous of a deceased woman. I’d apologize for calling her an idiot and then explain to her that it’s not your place (or hers) to try and get J to change the name of the boat.
Then I’d ask her to think about what she’s doing – if she’s so upset about a boat being named after a deceased partner, should she really be marrying your brother? She’s being insecure and that’s no way to start a marriage.” ManicPanicPeach
1. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Neighbor's Plants?
“I live next to a couple whom I’m friendly with but not much past ‘how are you’ and chatting about things in the neighborhood.
Last week I was out for a morning walk and noticed Amber lugging a butt ton of plants from her backyard to her porch. She said hello so I stopped by to chat and see if she needed help. Looked like she was starting her own landscaping company!
Turns out she finally felt inspired to work on the new garden she’s been planning for months. She ripped out everything she currently had and was going to put it on the curb as freebies. I’ve always wanted to turn my lawn into a nice garden so I felt like I struck gold!
I offered to pay her because there was a substantial amount of shrubbery but she refused. I wheelbarrowed everything over to my backyard, brought her some pastries as a thank you, and offered to pay her again or to help with her new garden, she refused, and that was that.
I spent the weekend with my partner replanting everything and our backyard looks great!
Until I get a knock on my door yesterday from her husband. Turns out (he said she gave permission for him to tell me this) she struggles with bipolar and was going through a manic episode.
There is no ‘new garden’ that she’s been plotting for months, just a bipolar-induced attack on their backyard that she now regrets. She’s too embarrassed to talk to me herself – I get it, I struggle with depression and the fewer people I have the explain myself to, the better – but she wants her plants back.
Apparently, that garden was her baby and in a fit of mania, she destroyed it.
I’m sad for her because trashy decisions when you’re in the mental toilet suck but like… everything is already planted in my backyard and I’m not willing to put in the effort to dig everything up.
It’ll look awful, and yeah that’s what they’re dealing with now but it’s not my fault. I nicely told him pretty much that and he just said okay and left.
Now when I see them they completely ignore me. I’ve crossed paths with them three times since and her husband waved but she didn’t even look at me.
I saw them taking soil and compost bags out of their car today and Amber just looked really upset and not at all excited to be working on a new garden. My partner thinks I should offer to give at least some of them back because I’m not exaggerating, she gave me a TON of plants.
I just don’t want her to think she can be rude to me after her mistake and then get what she wants. AITJ?
Edit: I’ve decided I’m going to give her a $100 gift card to our local nursery and see if she wants help planting.
Yeah, these plants will likely get wilt within a week lol especially if they get moved again.”
Another User Comments:
“I was all very NTJ until you pulled the rude card.
She’s not being rude, she’s embarrassed and now trying to reconstruct what she destroyed. She’s gutted. She feels awful, and while you were under no obligation to return the plants… It wouldn’t have been unreasonable to meet her in the middle and let her reclaim her most precious ones.
Y’all might have even collaborated on your garden and you could’ve had a good gardening ally.
You aren’t technically in the wrong, but your attitude regarding what actually happened sucks.
Soft YTJ for making this about you.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“I want you to think about something.
Imagine you get so depressed, like the deep ‘nothing brings me joy anymore’ kind of sadness.
Then I want you to think of something that makes you happy, maybe a hobby or even a pet. And you look at that in your fit of intense depression and the sight of it hurts you to your core.
You could be thinking it’s all a waste, it’s not good enough, it’s a painful reminder of how far you’ve fallen into depression.
You don’t want it in your house anymore. So you rip everything out, every single thing that has anything to do with your hobby or pet, and you give it all away to the first person curious enough to ask.
You don’t stop and think ‘hey, maybe I should wait and make sure I’m not going to regret this. Maybe I should talk to someone before making this decision.’ You don’t stop and think because you’re hurting SO much.
It’s out of the house, it’s gone.
Yet a few days later you wake up and you feel more lively, lighter, and more motivated than before. And then you realize that you’ve just destroyed something that genuinely did bring you joy. You’re mortified, you’re upset and you feel as if you’ve taken so many steps backward from progress.
I don’t know about you, but I’d do anything to make someone feeling that way feel better. Even if it means digging out my garden or sharing the hobby supplies that I have. Because I know how miserable it can feel, and I’m sure you do as well.
YTJ.” History_Buff19
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap YTJ.
A manic episode is NOTHING like depression. She quite literally was not in her right mind and made decisions that she NEVER would have made had she not been ill.
You said they completely ignored you but then the next sentence said the husband waved. She didn’t interact because, as her husband has already explicitly told you, she was deeply embarrassed by her actions during her manic episode.
You called her rude? For being fairly seriously mentally ill?
You are absolutely in the wrong here. The ONLY compromise that would be acceptable is for you to say that it was a lot of effort moving and planting all of the plants and you had no idea, obviously, that she was ill when it all happened so they can have the plants back but they’ll need to come and dig them out themselves.
At the very least offer again to pay for the plants – at the correct value it would be to replace them as is. Mature shrubs are EXPENSIVE so make sure you don’t lowball them.
That would be the kind, neighborly thing to do.
Yes, it’s a trashy situation for you but I think you’re well into the territory of taking advantage of someone now that you know the full circumstances. You got hundreds, perhaps thousands in free plants and are now fully aware of the circumstances.” Plastic_Melodic
