People Worry If They Were In The Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Getting Upset That My Husband Is So Forgetful?
“My husband can’t seem to remember anything. He is often late for work because he forgets his wallet at home and has to come back to get it since he needs an ID to get in.
I tried to help him out by getting a little bowl to put on the counter for him to just drop his keys and wallet in when he gets home to try to prevent him from forgetting/misplacing, didn’t help.
He was also backed up on bills he pays that don’t have automatic payments because he doesn’t check his email for the invoices. These are two basic examples but stuff like this happens all the time.
Whenever I try to talk to him about how this is unacceptable or ask my husband if he thinks he has a medical condition/wants to see a doctor, he always pouts for an hour and acts like I’ve personally insulted him.
My breaking point with this happened last night/today. My husband drops our 1 year old off at daycare every day since it’s on his way to work and our son currently has to take some prescription meds which have to be administered during his time at daycare so we had to fill out some forms, get a specific signed doctor note and our son needed more wipes.
He NEEDS these meds so it was very important all these forms got handed in. All this had to be dropped off today so I sent multiple texts with the list of things that needed to go to my husband so he’d have it right on his phone, I wrote down the list on the chalkboard in our kitchen and even repeated the list to my husband as he was getting ready.
Now before anyone asks, yes I could have just packed the forms and wipes myself but I don’t think I should have to. I already make my son’s lunches the night before, lay out his outfit, make sure his bottles are washed and cleaned, etc to try to make the morning run as smoothly as possible for my husband, I don’t think asking him to make sure he packs 2 forms and some wipes is a lot to ask.
Came downstairs this morning and one of the forms was on the coffee table. I also got a message from the daycare saying they still need wipes. I was upset and asked my husband (sternly I’ll admit) how on earth he managed to forget 2 of the 3 three things he needed to bring, he got really defensive, asking why I’m being so mean and shouting (I don’t think I was shouting) and saying I should’ve just packed everything myself if it was that serious.
AITJ for being upset about this and being confrontational?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’ve done far too much already. Mental load is a serious thing that needs to be shared between partners.
He needs to seriously re-evaluate how he can become an equal partner and doesn’t depend on you like he’s just another child. Anyone who suggests that it’s your role as a mother to do these things yourself can go back to the 50s, please.” djletPuppyPilot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because he acts like a child when you approach the subject carefully and reasonably. This situation will eventually kill your marriage. Eventually, kill your feelings for him.
I don’t say this lightly. Losing respect for a partner bodes extremely badly for a relationship and you are clearly already there. He may have an actual problem and it would be forgivable if he made an effort to sort it out, even if he failed.” vrosej10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your hubs isn’t doing this on purpose, but jeez… it’s like you have 2 kids. I admittedly have a wicked bad memory, but even I can get myself together better than that.
Does your hubs have high anxiety or high-stress levels? For me, when I’m frantic and rushed and my anxiety is high, I notice that I’ll forget even the most obv things.
Like shoes. If that’s the case maybe he needs some anti-anxiety meds, or to rethink/readdress his routines & schedule to alleviate some of that. There are also supplements that support memory, maybe gently encourage him to see a doc & talk more about that.
Not to be all gloom and doom – but a few years back there was a famous case where a guy was supposed to drop his baby off at daycare on his way to work.
Guy stopped by chick fil a w baby, they ate together (I think) put the baby back in the car seat, and left the restaurant, in a matter of minutes guy apparently forgets the kid is in the car, goes on to work, and leaves the baby in the back seat.
Sadly you probably know where this is going… If your hubs really is that forgetful, if I were you I’d be a nervous wreck 24/7, & I think I’d consider a different method of drop off/pick up.” Screamcheese99
17. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Sister About Her Cooking?
“A few weeks ago, my apartment flooded. Unfortunately, this has left me without a place to stay for a few weeks and many things I have to pay to replace/repair.
It’s been a hard few weeks, to say the least.
My sister told me I could stay with her for a few weeks until everything gets sorted out. To be honest, I’m not the closest with my sister, but I didn’t mind sharing a space with her.
She was nice enough to give me a place to stay, for no charge, so I can’t really complain.
My sister and I mean this literally, is a terrible cook.
It’s not only that her food lacks any seasoning, it’s almost always inedible. She cooks with expired ingredients and doesn’t believe in throwing anything away. It’s unhealthy and disgusting. I’m honestly afraid of touching things in her fridge or eating anything in her fridge.
This wouldn’t be much of a problem if she let me cook my own food and buy my own ingredients. But, she believes that it’s rude for guests to cook their own food and hates me touching her stove.
Every time I suggest cooking my own food, she gets really angry and starts yelling at me for no reason.
I was getting tired of eating instant ramen noodles for all meals, and ordering food is expensive.
My partner kindly brought me home-cooked food after I told her about my situation. She made me kimbap (Korean rice rolls,) some rice, and kimchi (fermented cabbage). It was more than enough food and I was so happy that I could finally eat some real food.
I was eating rice and kimchi for lunch, and the second my sister entered, she told me that it looked like I was eating dog food. She even complained that I was making her apartment smell like dog food.
I thought this was ironic. She keeps rotten food for weeks and I’M apparently the one who’s stinking her house up. I was going to ignore her and wear my headphones, but she was mumbling stuff about how I was eating food and that I was “ruining the sanctity of her home.”
I was tired of listening to her complain about my partner’s food. I told her, verbatim, that I wouldn’t have to rely on my partner if she didn’t make food that a stray dog wouldn’t touch and that she should stop being a selfish, inconsiderate jerk and let people touch her stove.
Her food is disgustingly inedible.
She got incredibly angry and hasn’t spoken to me since. My partner told me I should have chosen my words more carefully.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound incredibly ungrateful, and you’re being just as judgmental about your sister’s food as she was being about your partner’s. Expiration dates mean literally nothing so long as they’re not 6mo-year past the date.
If you have such a problem with the cooking then offer to cook together. If you have a problem with your sister then find another living situation, maybe try your partner.” DismalDally
Another User Comments:
“Initially NTJ but after reading other comments ESH.
It’s your sister’s house. She can set the rules and is graciously allowing you to stay in her house rent-free.
Even if her rules are strange and not great, it’s up to her. But she is a jerk for calling Korean food dog food – which is nothing close to the smell or looks of dog food so definitely seems extremely rude.
Sit down with your sister and try to explain that you like more flavor in your meals and would rather make your own food. Apologize for your choice of words in your outburst and explain possibly with more tact.
And see if there is some way to allow her to understand you cannot order out and the easiest way is for you to be able to cook in her house.
Can she compromise somehow and understand where you are coming from? Possibly if she is ok with letting you know, see if there is some other deeper reason she doesn’t want you to use her kitchen to cook (more psychological reason – this so possibly to ensure that you understand why this is such a huge issue that can’t be compromised).” TVDfan29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand the comments saying that you’re the jerk or that everyone sucks. Yes, you could have worded your response to her better, but she, without prompting, insulted your partner’s food with harmful comments.
She might be providing you with a rent-free space to stay in for the time being, but she is limiting your access to healthy and edible food:
- she’s cooking using inedible foods such as expired or spoiled foods that could cause you serious stomach and overall health issues
- she’s not allowing you to cook your own food, making it almost impossible to put any new ingredients you buy to use
- correct me if I’m wrong, but you say you can’t buy your own ingredients.
This is either because of the reason above, or she isn’t letting you store the food in her home. This also limits meals you could make without cooking
- when you find a way to have homecooked meals without cooking in her kitchen (food from your partner to save yourself from eating out), the food is criticized
She has left you with very little choice in the matter. I would suggest trying to see if anyone else could take you in (maybe your partner) or eating at your partner’s when possible.” Jolly_Redd_Roger
And I guess according to all the people saying YTJ and ESH, it's okay if OP were to get sick from the sister's cooking.
Expired food CAN contain harmful bacteria and CAN make you sick.
If the sister wants to potentially food poison herself, that's on her, but OP doesn't have to put themselves at risk.
Also, nothing is reasonable about not allowing someone who is living with you to cook (unless they have a history of destroying kitchenware and setting the kitchen on fire).
OP should be allowed to cook meals and not have to eat ramen and takeout every night (that's not healthy either).
16. AITJ For Giving Condolences To My Ex?
“A few years ago I (m28 today, 25 back then) went out with a guy (m32 today, 29 back then), it didn’t last long, about 3 months. During this time, he often mistreated me.
He never treated our relationship as a “real” relationship, every time he said, “we’re just friends/I only see you as a friend” but at the same time asked me to love him and texted me all day saying how much he missed me and loved me.
I was told later by friends that they never saw me as bad emotionally as in those few months we were together, but fortunately, I managed to get away from all of it quickly enough and I blocked him.
That was 3 and a half years ago. I never reached out to him, but he did, several times, and I never responded. He even asked a friend we have in common if I was seeing my best friend.
That is not the case. I’m in the ace spectrum and he knows that, he was my first time and to this day the only one I’ve ever been with.
Fast forward to last week, 3 and a half years later, he sends me a message saying he didn’t want to bother me, after all this time, but he was starting to participate in different cultural activities and since the group I work with usually participates in these events, we would very likely run into each other.
He said he wanted us to talk about what happened and clear things up, so it wasn’t uncomfortable for either of us if we met.
I didn’t want to respond.
I knew he was, once again, forcing contact with me and I didn’t want to. But the message had been very respectful and polite, and I felt obligated to respond.
I said I was okay with him participating in the events, but I didn’t want to have a “friendship” with him again, of any kind. I also said I wasn’t going to respond to any of his messages again.
In the end, I added I was sorry about his mother passing a few months ago, it was a surprise for his family and I knew he had been hurt really badly by it, we still have friends in common and they told me about it.
He responded in a really angry tone, saying that he agreed with the first part, but that I was way out of the line by mentioning his mother because it was his private life and he had never told me about it.
I don’t think I was wrong here, I’m not a soulless jerk and I was really sad for him when it happened because I knew he had had a really tough relationship with his mother.
I didn’t talk to him back then because I was firm on staying no-contact, but since he talked to me now I figured well since I didn’t say “sorry for your loss” back then and considering this will be the last time we talk, I might as well say it now.
I also remember he did that kind of stuff back then, getting angry at me for random stuff, only to get me to keep fighting with him. But maybe this was too personal and I shouldn’t have said anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are overthinking the situation. You gave your polite condolences, which is expected of people in overlapping circles. He acted like a controlling jerk. Obviously, he doesn’t like people to talk about him.
This is normal for people who take advantage of other people (because they don’t want other people to hear about their sketchy behavior).” FlyingFlipPhone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were just being conventionally polite.
But try to avoid any future contact with him, even if it involves groups that you have in common. You will do nothing but walk on eggshells if you have anything to do with this guy.
It’s what he wants.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ completely block him and tell your friends you don’t want to hear anything about him EVER again. If you see him in the street act like you don’t know him.” Diva-So-Rude
15. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Out My Son's SO?
“I’m a single mother, and I live with my two kids, Adam (M24) and Zoe (F15).
Adam pays me rent but pays significantly less than he would be paying if he went to go live elsewhere, even with roommates.
Rent is very expensive in our area and he’s living with me whilst working full-time so he can save up for a deposit on a house.
Around a month ago, Adam asked if his partner of 10 months, Millie (F23), could stay in his room as she doesn’t get along with her parents and was struggling to find somewhere to live.
I agreed because they’re both adults and I’ve met Millie quite a few times and I thought she was a really nice girl.
At first, it was going fine but last week something happened. I came home from work a few hours early, and I walked in on Millie yelling in Zoe’s face and swearing at her.
Millie went silent when she noticed me and I asked what was going on. Millie ran off into her and Adam’s room and Zoe was crying. I asked Zoe what happened and she said that she accidentally spilled Pepsi on Millie’s jeans and that she tried to apologize but Millie blew up at her.
I knocked on the door and told Millie we need to talk. I asked her for her side of the story, Millie accused Zoe of spilling her drink on purpose and pretending it was an accident and said that they are very expensive jeans.
I told Millie that I would get Zoe to wash her jeans for her. Millie had a blank look. I asked Millie what she thinks could help make things right, to which she said “I dunno”.
I told her that I understand she was annoyed but she doesn’t get to treat my minor daughter like that and that if she does it again she’ll be out, if she has another problem involving Zoe that isn’t an emergency, she should contact me before taking it into her own hands.
I left it at that. Zoe washed her jeans and gave them back to her clean and dry the next day. Millie told Adam what happened and they’re both accusing me of being unfair, and said my comment about Millie being out was cruel.
I think what I did was perfectly fair.
I told my older sister about what happened and asked what she thinks, and she said I’m being too harsh on Adam and Millie, and said I need to chill.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you really need to talk with Zoe to find out if anything like this has happened before because it’s highly unlikely that you just happened to walk in the first time Millie did that.
I’m betting it’s happened a lot and this is just the first time you found out about it. If it has happened before, Millie needs to be not just kicked out but actually banned from your house entirely.
Whether it’s happened before or not, you need to be clear with both Adam and Millie that their living there is you doing them a favor and if they don’t like something about it, then they can both leave.
Otherwise, they can shut their mouths and follow the rules.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled this perfectly and like a pro.
I would bet that the way she screamed at Zoe is the way she was screamed at and has nothing else in her toolbox.
Her silence at your statement about Zoe’s natural consequence spoke volumes. I bet it was a complete shock at seeing a different way to solve a problem.
One suggestion though: if you think this could be long-term with Adam, and she could one day be the mother of your grandkids, maybe keeping her close to learn how to be a good parent from you would be the best investment in the future for your family.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for standing up for your minor child, you were very level heading and did that with much more understanding than I would. Her behavior was unacceptable regardless of what happened, her version is sus because of the way she reacted when you caught her.
I think you should tell them she has to leave since she can’t be a reasonable adult and accept responsibility for her actions. She chose to scream at a child for spilling soda on some jeans, that’s a totally fixable event.
She WILL continue to be a problem, don’t back down, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re a jerk for protecting a young teenager from a verbal assault by an adult.
It isn’t bad to set boundaries, especially in regard to minors who really can’t leave like an adult can. This kind of mistreatment is a serious issue not to be flippantly used because she didn’t like the boundary you set.” RadishCutiCat
14. AITJ For Claiming My Stepchildren Are My Real Kids?
“I (35F) am married to Will (33M) and I have 2 twin stepchildren (F9 and M9). I’m not going to give them names, as it just complicates things. Their mother is Laura (34F).
I started going out with Will when the twins were 2 years old, and we got married when they were 6. Will and Laura were never together, and Laura couldn’t take primary care of the twins because of her work, meaning that the twins live with me and Will.
They see Laura on the weekend generally, but we do occasionally send them to her house if she manages to get a free day during the week.
As you can expect, the twins have always sort of seen me as mom number 2, but I am not a replacement for Laura in any way, as they absolutely adore her.
I wouldn’t want to change this, so I always make it clear to them that Laura loves them, but is just busy working.
Anyway, onto the main story: the twin’s school is having a Halloween play – and invited any guardians who were interested to go and see the unfinished draft. This was to try and give certain kids more confidence in their abilities, by seeing their parents in the crowd, etc. One of these kids was my stepson, who is a little shyer, and his teacher asked me at dropoff if I and my husband could come to try and help his confidence.
I told my husband and asked him to extend the invitation to Laura if she was free. She agreed, and yesterday we all met at the school in the afternoon.
She seemed a little shocked to see me personally, but I brushed it off.
We get through the play with no issue, the twins come down super excited that we’re all there.
We talk to some of the other parents for a little while until Laura has to go to the bathroom. She’s there for a while so we end up talking to someone new, who asks “so you’re (twin’s names) parents?”
The twins can be quite sensitive to that question with me personally, they don’t like when I say that I’m not but I also don’t enjoy saying yes (with respect for Laura).
So I just nodded thinking it wouldn’t matter. Until Laura comes back out and the other parent has a little shock moment where they go “Oh! I thought she was the mom, sorry” in reference to me.
Laura seems a little annoyed at that, and when we leave the school (because the kids have to go back to class) she pulls me aside to tell me that:
“The kids aren’t yours, I appreciate the work you do with them, and that they love you so much, but you have to remember that they’re my kids and you have no right to tell anyone that you’re their mother.”
I can’t remember the exact phrasing, but we spoke a bit more about how I hadn’t intended to take her place, and then she replied saying that “You always have the kids so the least you could do is point back to me when people ask who the mother is.” I told her that I didn’t think it was a big deal.
I told my husband about the exchange and he agreed that she was right and that I should understand her sensitivity. That I’m not their mother and shouldn’t lead people into believing I am.
I’m feeling guilty now, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while she has the right to feel bad because the school assumed you were the mom not her, she can’t have it both ways, she clearly put her job/career before the twins.
The fact the school didn’t contact her directly suggests she isn’t down as a contact for the twins, (assumption on my part).
You did the right thing to extend the invitation, and for her to seem shocked to see you there is also a bit rude.
She wants to have her cake and eat it.” Si_the_chef
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Bio mom got a little over-sensitive. You’re between a rock and a hard place… kids see you as mom and don’t like to hear the long wordy version.
Bio dad wants bio mom to feel good about her relationship with kids. Not threatened at all. You gave a perfectly natural response to a question without the tedious details.
Bio mom took it too literally. Communication is hard. Almost impossible. Suggested note to self: use the long version when bio mom is in the house.
You also never even uttered a word which actually makes the miscommunication almost funny.
And I agree with another commenter who said that you are a parent to the twins. The person who couldn’t conceive of three parents is the one who stirred it all up when bio mom returned.” crushedsombrero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are a parent, you didn’t give birth to them, but that’s not what makes you a parent. Your children are really fortunate, they have 3 parents who love them and value each other.
Unfortunately, Laura seems to feel insecure about her role in your family, but that’s on her, not you. You should be sympathetic and kind, but you don’t have to reduce your role to allow her to pretend the situation is different.” Agreeable_Space2759
13. AITJ For Calling My Brother's Wife A Trophy Wife?
“My older brother was married briefly and it didn’t work out. He recently remarried, she’s 22, and he’s 33. She’s very pretty but very young, she comes off as younger than she is in her attitude.
She also doesn’t seem unintelligent per se but she has a high school education and has never worked a day in her life and doesn’t seem that interested in personal growth/education.
She and my brother’s explicit plan is to start having kids as soon as possible, ideally 3-4. She is right now a stay-at-home wife and will be a stay-at-home mom.
They’re already trying to get pregnant.
My brother and I both inherited a nest egg when our dad passed away a decade ago, and our mom is well-off too, and he makes a large salary.
He has several properties and has a full-time housekeeper.
I don’t have a problem with her or with him, though I do think the maturity levels seem like it would be an issue.
I’m only 26 and due to this age difference have always had trouble relating to my brother as an equal, he can be patronizing, etc. At best, 22yo is equally mature to me but realistically a bit less mature since she’s 4 years younger.
So if my brother and I can’t always relate as equals, it’s hard to imagine her and him relating as equals.
But like I said she’s not far from my age so to me she’s more of a peer and I don’t dislike her, she’s fun.
And I’m not working right now either, because like I said I have funds from my parents and a small business on the side (I do recognize it’s a privilege not to have to work right now).
So we’ve been hanging out sometimes during the weekdays like grabbing coffee or going to the gym.
I was at their house after going to the gym with her and my brother was there.
While she was grabbing something from another room, my brother took a shot at me for being unemployed and being able to just go to the gym for hours in the middle of the workday.
I said we’re both going to the gym in the middle of a weekday, your wife is “unemployed” too. He said that’s different, and I said don’t take shots at me for not working if you have a trophy wife doing the same.
He got really offended and yelled at me but in the process of him being offended his wife heard what I said (or maybe she overheard my comment I’m not sure).
She was upset too. But am I wrong for calling a spade a spade?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH (except the wife, who wasn’t even involved in the conflict).
Your brother is a condescending jerk, and you’re a jerk for flipping it back onto his wife.
Your whole web of rationalization around maturity levels is telling enough, you’ve been waiting to blurt that one out for months and he’s probably been doing the same. Poor wife is just caught in the crossfire of passive-aggressive judgemental jerks.
Honestly y’all sound like pieces of work. Get a job and mind your business. Stop hanging out with your brother and his wife if you hate them so much.” theshere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seem really judgmental about their relationship and her maturity. Not all women who choose to stay home and raise their kids are trophy wives, in fact, they are contributing a huge service to their families.
You said something rude, but not unforgivable, so apologize and move on. Maybe getting a job yourself will keep you busy enough that you won’t have to entertain yourself by judging other peoples’ relationships.” incogspeedo
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have trouble relating to your brother as equals because he’s a few years older than you. You have trouble relating to your brother as an equal because he’s a patronizing jerk who doesn’t want any equals.
That’s why he married someone so young who he can mold and who isn’t mature enough to see through his emotionally unintelligent rubbish. And how is it different that she’s unemployed?
Oh right, it’s because she’s a kept woman. And because he’s probably extremely bigoted. What you said was absolutely right, and maybe it will make his new wife come to her senses and get away from him.
Or maybe she cares more about your brother’s income than having an actual adult partnership. That’s up to them to figure out. NTJ.” panic_bread
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I completely understand your reservations about their age difference, and I also don’t think it’s entirely relevant here.
Your brother is a jerk for laying into you by calling you unemployed when (a) it seems to me that you’re self-employed, and (b) his wife is actually unemployed and he is encouraging her to remain that way.
There is no logical justification for this.
Equally, you’re also a jerk for your response. I absolutely support you for defending yourself, but the term “trophy wife”, no matter how fitting it may seem, is extremely derogatory – your SIL is a person, not a trophy or a prize or any other object.
The use of this particular term is what makes you the jerk, and it means you’d owe your SIL an apology even if she hadn’t heard you say it.
Nothing you’ve said suggests she is unhappy at all with her relationship, and if she is truly content the only real concern, I think, is that you can actually do something about it to (without being condescending) make sure she knows the importance of ensuring her own financial independence.
This way, regardless of her perceived immaturity and lack of career ambition, she’ll hopefully be prepared for any worst-case scenarios.
As for what you can do right now – apologize to your SIL for speaking about her derogatorily.
I don’t personally think you owe your brother an apology, except maybe for insulting his wife (and that’s a big maybe).” HopeByTheThroat
12. AITJ For Having A Party Against My Neighbour's Wishes?
“I’m (F) a 3rd-year uni student and this year, I’m living in a rented flat with 2 friends.
We moved in 3 weeks ago when uni started and immediately we started having trouble with our neighbors. We have one flat above us and two flats below us. And all of our neighbors are jerks.
Anyway, the first night, we had a housewarming party. We tried to keep it down and we never had any complaints. The next day, we had another party because it was a Saturday and our friends came back.
That’s when one set of neighbors knocked on our doors and asked us to keep it down which we did. But 30 mins later, another set of neighbors did the same.
We were annoyed but complied.
A few days go by and we have another party because it was sports social so we held it at our flat. Our neighbors knocked again but I didn’t bother opening the door.
The next day, we had our landlady come in and talk to us about noise.
Since then, whenever we have a party, we have a landlady come in and stand there until everyone leaves and people just leave because the mood is gone.
Anyway, she just threatened us that she will start the eviction process if we don’t calm down because we make too much noise. I told her it’s crazy to expect students to never party and that we only make a bit of noise occasionally.
She told me two other flats are students but they don’t cause problems and she’s been renting to students for ages and we’re the worst.
I called her names and told her to go ahead but she won’t be able to evict us for months because of the law.
She said that from now on, the neighbors will be calling the police. I shut the door in her face.
I’m considering blasting her on social media so no one rents from her ever again.
I told my friends about this and some actually agree with the landlady saying that they’d hate it if their neighbors were like me. They said partying is great but they wouldn’t have this many parties at their own house.
This got me thinking. I thought they would do the same but they pretty much called me and my friends jerk neighbors. So tell me, AITJ for having parties?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. YTJ.
The landlord has become involved and told you how it is. Guess what? She makes the rules. She can and will legally evict you for not complying. If you want to make as much noise as you want and set your own rules, go buy a house.
I’m guessing that won’t happen. You have to follow the rules of the place you live at.
The cherry on top was calling her names. You are absolutely a jerk and this will follow you on your rent history so good luck renting elsewhere without your bad name following you.” squirreltrap
Did you think you could just do whatever you wanted? The fact that the landlord is having to basically supervise you all like you’re children is insane to me.” FoodLion_owns_me
It is one thing to host one party a month, it is completely different to be hosting them every time you think there is a reason. Find a local bar or someone else in your friend group to host. Pre-drink and go out.” AlbertaDaisy
11. AITJ For Slamming The Door In My Neighbor's Face?
“I (23f) just moved into a new townhome community with my dog (10-pound miniature poodle) about 3 months ago.
Since the day I moved in, my downstairs neighbor has been pounding on the ceiling.
I hired movers to bring in my larger items on the very first day. I wasn’t at the property because I had to return to work and let the movers have my keys to set everything up.
While at work, the worker called me and said that about an hour into the move, the downstairs neighbor started pounding on the ceiling for a whole 10 minutes. The worker then went downstairs and told them that they were moving larger items and would not be there much longer.
I also called the leasing office and asked if they could tell the neighbors about my moving in. They said that they had already notified them of an upstairs neighbor moving in and to let them know if the issue continued.
Well, the issue did continue. Every day they pound on the ceiling. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is. I was mounting my TV around 6 in the evening and they pounded on the ceiling.
I get out of my bed to go to the washroom, they bang on the ceiling. I open my front door to come into my house, they pound on the ceiling.
My phone rings, and they pound on the ceiling. I close the fridge door, they pound on the ceiling. I opened the curtains one morning, pounding. I started to wear slippers and walk slowly and they were still pounding.
I once had a friend over who slept on my couch. When we woke up in the morning he said that when he went to the washroom around 4 am that the neighbors were pounding on the ceiling.
I called the leasing office again and told them that I’m still moving in and the neighbors are being quite ridiculous. They left them a notice and said that if they were still experiencing issues then to make a noise complaint.
That was about 20 days ago and no complaints have been made since, but they are still banging on the ceiling.
This is where I feel like I may have been a jerk.
One morning around 7:30 am I got up to walk my dog and came back into my apartment. Around 8 there was a knock at the door. I didn’t answer the first time as the area I live in has a high crime rate and I was not expecting anyone.
They kept knocking so I answered the door with it barely cracked open.
It was my neighbor saying “We can hear everything you do and the floor is very thin so can you walk quieter?
We walk quietly for our neighbors and we think you should do the same. It’s rude that you’re doing that. We hear you slamming doors, your dog running, you walking around, and your phone.”
To which I replied “are you guys the ones pounding on the ceiling? The office told you I was moving and it’s rude that you do it all day every day.
They’ve told you to file a complaint and you didn’t do that.”
They then started screaming at me so I closed the door in their face. So please be honest here….
AITJ for doing that? What else can I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apartment living comes with thin walls. It sucks. I always get the top floor, but I’ve gotten the pounding from neighbors too.
My last apt complex had as part of the lease a statement that apartment living comes with expected noise, and that you will hear your neighbors. Everyone is expected to be as considerate as possible.
It had to be initialed as part of the lease. Go to the leasing office and file a complaint yourself. Tell them what happened with the neighbor. Tell them that you do not make excessive noise, you try to walk lightly.
You don’t listen to loud TV or music, but you don’t know what else you can do. Ask them to deal with it. It’s highly likely that the previous renter in your apt had the same issues.” Ill-Conversation5210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, quit trying to be nice. You are stressing yourself trying to be quiet. STOP, it is obviously a badly built building and nothing you do will make them happy.
Document every encounter with them and start filing noise complaints every time they pound on their ceiling.
If you just want to get petty, I suggest if you wear shoes inside, that you go with something with a hard sole.
Maybe a nice wedge, or some tap shoes. Maybe get a Newton’s Cradle to sit on the floor in the kitchen or bathroom. Let those steel balls clack back and forth every chance you get.
But seriously, every ridiculous pound on the ceiling, file a noise complaint with the leasing office.” Fattdog64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your neighbors suck. File a complaint with the management about them.
They moved into a building that isn’t insulated well and got used to having an empty unit above them. Now that unit is occupied and they have to learn to deal with it or move.
I live in a two-story condo that’s well-built, but I can still hear the kid upstairs when he runs laps. I just got used to it. And it’s better than the last apartment I had where you could hear the next-door neighbor snore and sneeze and talk in a normal voice.
These are things you have to deal with when you have a place that isn’t well insulated. I imagine you can hear their TV or music if they turn it up even a little bit, but you probably tune it out.
Sorry you got such sucky neighbors.” The-Answer-Is-57
10. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Clean Up Her Mess?
“I (19F) am attending university and living in residence. I was randomly assigned a roommate (also 19F) at the beginning of the year.
We were given each other’s emails so we could email back and forth before we moved in. Both of our housing profiles said we are clean and tidy people and as we emailed back and forth it seemed like a good room assignment and we would get along really well.
We each have our own bedrooms but we share a kitchen space and a bathroom which we both agreed we would take turns cleaning. I am the type of person that does my dishes straight after I use them so that there is no mess sitting around but, it doesn’t bother me when my roommate would leave a dish or two out until she had time to clean them because she has a very tight class schedule this year.
However, she began to let the dishes pile up in the sink and she would leave them there for almost a week at a time every time. She has also taken over the kitchen table with some of her stuff (cutting board, fruit, personal belongings, etc.)
At first, I didn’t have much of an issue but then her mess sat there for weeks. She also left out bananas that had gone bad at least two weeks back.
The mess was beginning to pile up and none of it was mine.
Flash forward to today. I am the only person who cleans both the kitchen and the bathroom and I am very much the type of person who gets anxious when there’s a mess, so with the mess of the kitchen on top of the stress I felt about my classes, tonight was my tipping point.
I called my mom in tears over the mess in the kitchen, not knowing that my roommate was in her room. I never said anything negative about or towards her, just that the mess was starting to overwhelm me and that I thought it was disrespectful to leave such a mess in a shared space.
She overheard my conversation. She came out of her room and asked what was the matter and I politely told her that the number of dishes and stuff on the table was beginning to overwhelm me.
I told her I understood that she is very busy with classes but that I would appreciate it if she would clean up her mess when she has the chance.
She seemed to take it okay until I was in the shower and heard her putting away her dishes and slamming cupboard doors. When I come out of the shower she looked irritated and as I walked into my room she didn’t say a word to me but you could cut the tension with a knife.
Maybe I am overthinking the situation but I told her my feelings as politely as I possibly could and I even offered my understanding of her busy schedule and that I understand if she needs to leave a dish in the sink every now and then if she doesn’t have time to clean it.
Her mess in the kitchen was bad enough that it gave me a mild anxiety attack so I’m slightly confused as to why she would be so mad at me for asking her to clean up her mess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but next time address the issue immediately. You do mental harm by letting something that bothers you continue for some time. She may also be angry that you waited so long to say something.” Super_Ad_7135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You handled the situation impressively well. There’s gonna be tension for a while, but I’m sure your roommate will get over it. It’s the initial negative reaction to the situation but will cool over time.” RecklessCreature
Another User Comments:
NTJ
You handled that well and were very polite. I can not believe a 19-year-old is sulking because she got told to clean her mess. I expect that from my 9-year-old sister.” Fibbs_and_Tales
9. AITJ For Giving A Family Ring To My Adopted Daughter?
“I’m a single mother of an adopted daughter. I met my late husband in high school. I’m very close with my SIL Mary, the mother of my niece Annie. My husband and I both had substantial inheritances, mine was larger.
My SIL received a trust fund at birth, set up by her parents while my husband received the bulk of the family’s inheritance with the expectation that he looked after his sister.
(He was older)
My husband died before Mary knew that she was pregnant. We made our wills together, leaving our assets which included land, stock, and jewelry to each other.
My husband also left an amount to his sister, in the form of a yearly stipend and some jewelry.
I adopted my daughter “Josie” when she was 11, my husband didn’t know her or my niece.
Josie was with us as a foster child for several years prior. Despite this, Mary considers Josie her niece. My husband and I’d talked about what would happen if one of us died before the other and having children was a part of this discussion.
My daughter is 19 and Annie turns 18 in two days. Recently Josie’s partner Lily, approached me to ask for my blessing to marry Josie.
A little background on the ring: It’s old, and has been passed from child to child, for their spouses for a long time.
It’s what my husband proposed to me. My daughter knows about the ring and has talked about it, I told her it would be hers someday.
I gave Lily the ring to propose to Josie.
We had dinner with Mary and Annie, celebrating Josie’s engagement. Annie mentioned that she thought the ring would end up being hers someday. We just ignored it.
Later she pulled me aside and said that she thought that she would at least be receiving the sentimental family heirlooms being my husband’s actual relative.
She also mentioned that she would love it if her partner proposed to her with the ring. Annie has been going out with her partner for two years and her mother met him once.
He’s not a fan of our family and she’s said that we hate him due to his social status. She also said that we gave the ring to Lily and Josie because Lily comes from a well-off family.
I told her that we don’t know her partner at all but if he were to ask and be willing to get to know our family I would give them a different family ring.
She said that it wouldn’t be the same so I told her to leave. Mary is on my side.
Not sure if it is relevant but I’m going to include it anyway: Josie has my husband’s last name and so does Annie.
The ring has that name on it and an old family crest. Josie and Lily don’t plan on getting married for a year or two but Lily will be taking Josie’s name.
The inheritances are substantial enough for us to live off of, but Mary works and I used to. Josie and Lily do not work outside of summer jobs because they are in college.
They are planning on starting a business together when they graduate. I pay for Josie’s college and Mary and I will pay for Annie’s. Lily’s college is paid for by her parents.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Josie is your daughter. You’ve given her your ring via Lily. Even your SIL agrees. Annie is being incredibly entitled and presumptuous to assume YOUR engagement ring would pass to her over your own daughter.
And how rude of her to bring that up in front of Josie and Lily at such a joyous event. I hope her mom has continued the conversation at home and chastised her for this poor behavior.
And the implicit suggestion that Josie shouldn’t get it because she’s not genetically related is quite disgusting. Either way, to feel hurt is fine but to be so entitled and rude about it requires an apology.
I wouldn’t give her any of the jewelry without an apology for sure.” Maleficent-Fennel-13
Another User Comments:
“I can understand your niece’s feelings. If the ring has always been in her family, and her being a b***d relative I can see why she would think it was hers.
I’m not sure if your husband and you ever spoke about how this ring would be passed down but if not, it’s yours so you can ultimately do whatever you want with it.
I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk for passing it down to your daughter but you should at least understand where your niece is coming from.” AAP_BH
Another User Comments:
“Your niece is not jealous of your daughter in the manner you think she is. Nor is she thinking she is above her.
Your daughter is getting the majority of all your husband’s family’s net worth.
While his sister got a stipend. (Comparatively) Honestly, she might feel a bit bitter, or her mother Mary might somewhat. If there are things the mom might want or need and cannot outright afford, but you can because you received all the assets of the family.
They might grumble. Unbeknownst to you. If you have the kind of funds you do, this shouldn’t be a major issue. Does your daughter actually care about this ring? EITHER WAY, she will be inheriting everything else.
And your niece will get whatever her mother has left from the (as you said ) small stipend he left her. I get where she would have liked to have the true bloodline gifts especially if she actually cares about tradition.
Your daughter is getting everything else anyway. She should have approached you differently but she probably figured if she said nothing she would never get the chance to later.
You are a jerk.
She seems to be somewhat entitled. But she has some reason for it. Your husband was meant to actively care for his sister for a long, long time, not just a chunk of funds at once.
Unless that chunk was closer to half of the parent’s worth, then if you haven’t been helping to care for them (Mary and Annie) occasionally then you are doubly wrong.
It isn’t evil or villainous for a girl to want to have and wear one day the ring that her ACTUAL GRANDMOTHER AND GREAT GRANDMOTHER so on and so forth WORE.
It isn’t just a small tradition. It connects her to her family memory. Your daughter knew nothing personally of your husband’s parents and their parents’, parents, correct? Other than stories and such?
She is in no way truly connected to them. But their living relative is.
That doesn’t mean your daughter is less of a family member. It is just the flat-out truth.
If say she was to receive something of her birth parents an unexpected inheritance. Would or should she be willing to give it up? No. Because the only one that truly matters to would be her.
Your deceased husband and his parents mattered to you, you knew them and loved them. Your daughter has no such connection other than caring because you care. So again YTJ.” Technical-Visit-3899
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since Mary doesn’t care but I do find it interesting that you decided to paint Annie’s partner as not worthy enough to give the ring to…I find when people go too hard on one side, it’s for a reason.
But I am of the belief that family heirlooms should stay along the b***dline. Both girls are young so who knows if those relationships will really last. But I would have given it to a b***d relative – his sister specifically once she had a child so that it can stay in that family circle.” WickedAngelLove
8. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Spend More Time With Our Newborn?
“My husband and I have an 11-month-old baby. My inlaws help out with child care Mon to Thurs on most weeks because my husband does shift work in healthcare (about 3-4 eight-hour shifts a week) and I work for my own company and wasn’t able to take mat leave at all.
Fri to Sun I mostly take care of the baby.
My husband told me he needs personal time so he needs to golf at least once a week. He says since his parents are helping out, he should be able to go during the weekday any day and I should not have an issue with it.
I agreed to once a week. He for the most part sticks to it but sometimes goes out twice.
Last week, I finally took some time for myself and met up with a friend for 4 hours in total. Hubby happens also to be golfing all afternoon and didn’t come home till the evening.
That week Sunday, we had planned for a couples golf outing with our friends and decided to give the inlaws Thursday off so they can help babysit on Sunday instead.
The inlaws were furious that it wasn’t discussed with them first but also that we go out too much. We ended up apologizing and promised to consult with them in the future first.
On Sunday night hubby told me he cannot watch the kid Monday morning because he had to do some paperwork and then go to work after. Then he said he was going on Wed night to watch a baseball game with his buddy and if I was ok with that.
I said no problem. The next morning, he tells me he planned golf for tomorrow during the day and that he also won’t be home for the evening because work is throwing a social dinner.
He asked me if it was alright with me. I said, “maybe it’s not such a good idea as your parents were just mad at you last week. I also feel that 3 social events in such a tight period is not appropriate.
If you aren’t working and have the free time, you could spend more of it with our 11 months old baby.” I’m not saying this because I want the same freedom.
I simply feel that as a new father, he should place more priority on spending time with the baby than doing 3 social events in a row.
He did not like my answer and says he can make up the time by spending some other time with the baby.
He also said he should never need to justify his personal time and he’s not needed as I have help from the inlaws. And also, why am I questioning his social plans when I met with a friend last week?
He said I am illogical, I make him feel guilty/anxious, and that he wouldn’t be with me if we weren’t married and had a baby. Later I told him that if he feels he has done enough dad duties, then he can go for his socials as he’s an adult who has made up his mind but he shouldn’t ask for my opinion because I would still not see it as reasonable.
This was not okay with him as he wanted me to change my way of thinking fundamentally. AITJ for thinking he’s taking too many liberties with his personal time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s relying on his parent’s kindness too much, does he realize it’s not their responsibility to raise his children? 4 days a week is a lot for grandparents, then throw in spontaneous requests for extra care at short notice, it’s going to create animosity.
Be careful of taking advantage of your in-laws. That could backfire on you big time if you don’t respect the fact they have their own lives too and also need a break.
He’s valuing his free time over their free time and ultimately over being a Dad and they are going to sense that, just like you have, and eventually, your child will sense that too as they grow.
He’s saying he needs personal time, I’m assuming as a break from parenthood and work but….how can he need a break from parenting when he’s not really present or doing the parent thing??
Your social life doesn’t have to end when you have children but it definitely does change, he probably needs to accept that that’s what happens when you bring a child into the world, sacrifices have to be made in order to be a good and present parent.
Why can’t the little one come to the baseball game with him?” Slidebites
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your reply comes off as immature. Your husband is running all over you, your baby, and your marriage, and you are barely calling him out, almost defending him.
Of course, he should be more present for the baby!! You’re still figuring this out: “my main conflict is whether he should be expected to want to spend more time with the baby as a new father”??
No duh, you are getting called immature and unprepared, even though your husband is a jerk.
“It just doesn’t cut it for me”. It shouldn’t cut it.” triter2002
Another User Comments:
He doesn’t want to be around you or your kid. I have a feeling when he is home on the weekends the childcare and household chores fall on you as well.
This behavior is being condoned, so pull up your pants hire a babysitter, and get a life. Or have a discussion with your husband and parents. Or keep quiet and live with the decisions you’ve made.”
Resident-Wheel9774“NTJ but he is massively, especially with “if it wasn’t for marriage and the baby, I wouldn’t be with you” that is the most horrible thing to say to another person.
Was he actually happy/excited to be a dad? Did he want the baby in the first place? Did you two have issues before the baby was born?
You’re also a little bit of a jerk with how you treat in-laws, they are not free babysitters whenever you please, they are family doing you a huge favor.” Charming-Ad-2381
7. AITJ For Leaving A Part Of My Inheritance To My Stepson?
“I (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. She has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country).
I also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. I will admit I don’t have the greatest track record as a father. While my bio kids were growing up, we were kind of distant, as their mother and I were constantly fighting (she was a SAHM, while I was running a business to varying degrees of success).
However, when they became adults, we (bio kids and I) became much closer. My business also grew a lot, and I am quite wealthy now, compared to struggling to pay bills when my bio kids were growing up.
My relationship with my stepson is quite good. He doesn’t call me dad but seems to view me as a very close uncle. I do my best to be a good father figure to him.
If I’m being completely honest, I hope that eventually, he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him.
So here’s the issue. A few weeks ago while I was going through some things in the basement with my bio son and daughter, the topic of inheritance came up.
I mentioned how I planned to include my stepson in my will, and he would get a third of the inheritance (I don’t remember how exactly we got to this topic).
Well, my kids are furious with me now, telling me this was unfair, as they had to grow up with a cold, emotionally and physically distant/unavailable father who struggled to bring food to the table.
They mention how my stepson gets to live a luxurious childhood with a much kinder and more present/emotionally available and supportive parent than they had ever had while not even being my real son.
Then on top of that, they would lose out on the inheritance they feel they had earned for working so hard to repair our relationship after all the damage I had done to them.
(Edit: To clarify, that’s not something they said. It’s something I’m trying to be cognizant of because they absolutely could have walked away, but chose to try to repair our relationship (still, before my business was successful, and they both had a hand in making the business successful because they were willing to help out)).
I can understand their point of view. They feel like I’m slighting them for my “new family” with a much younger wife and what they claim is a do-over child (which he is not, but I can see why they see it that way).
I want to do right by my stepson, but also my bio-kids, who did have to put up with a lot more during their childhood than my stepson. AITJ for planning to leave an equal inheritance to him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
While theoretically, it is lovely to leave something to a stepchild, you leaving an equal share to the child of your trophy wife is really tone-deaf.
Your bio children are not being greedy for not being pleased by your showing once again that you are not treating them fairly.
You have shown them that you – who is old enough to be this kid’s grandfather – now have decided to have a new family as a do-over.
Also, you do realize that your stepchild is going to wind up with more than the bio kids anyway since you are going to leave a sizable amount to your new trophy wife and you will almost assuredly die before her given the large difference in age.
The stepchild is going to inherit from his mother the amount you left to her as well as the one-third directly. And I bet you are also leaving the wife your house and other valuable personal property.
A lot of bio kids have been screwed out of stuff when the father takes up a new family.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
People view wills as the true feelings of the deceased person.
If you don’t leave a lot to your children, they’re always going to believe you really didn’t want them. If you give a large chunk to your wife and her son, but a smaller portion to your children; your children are absolutely going to believe you didn’t love them.
You know how you feel bad for your stepson because his bio dad disappoints him a lot? THAT’S HOW YOUR CHILDREN FEEL.
Why can’t you step in for them as the good Dad like you do for your stepson??
Even though they’re adults, they still pine for their Father’s love and affection. Every child who had an absent parent feels that way, whether they want to admit it to themselves or not.
You have scarred them for life by being an absent Dad. They’re looking at what you will leave to them as your genuine feelings for them. The fact you want to evenly divide it amongst them and your stepson is like a new betrayal. Why should he be treated as their equal?
Stepson gets the life with their Dad that they’ll never get. Your guilty feeling of not wanting to leave your stepson out should really be feeling guilty to your bio children for never being the Dad they deserved their entire lives.
They didn’t get to pick you as their Dad, they were stuck with you and your choices. Yet, you got to pick your stepson as your preferred child and rub it in the faces of your bio children.” UnderwaterAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The comments on here amuse me. If this was written from the perspective of the stepchild and especially if it was a woman/girl asking if she is TJ for keeping a third of an inheritance her stepdad left her people would be saying he made his wishes clear, you don’t owe anyone anything, cut them off, stepdad had his reasons, etc.
It is your income to do with as you please. You don’t owe anyone anything. NTJ.” tikanique
“NTJ.
Only because it’s your inheritance. But it is unfair.
These are your children who you regularly failed Vs a child you have known for 4 years. I understand setting up a trust for the stepson, but he has a father and your kids have you.
Again your funds so it’s your rules, but after being a poor father, this isn’t the hill I would personally die on. You basically just told your children your stepson of 4 years is equal to them after they had to suffer your neglect and then heal and build a relationship with you.
It is more the principle than the funds. I would rethink the message you are sending.
Also unfortunately you are of an age that anything can happen (not wishing that on you, but my 61-year-old father felt unwell and died 6 weeks later of cancer) so you need to think if your relationship with your stepson as his mother’s husband is equal to you as your children as their father if something happened tomorrow.
Don’t think the relationship is equal, do you?” Ok-Macaron-6211
6. AITJ For Not Helping My Brother Move?
“I’m a 20-year-old male and my older brother (24) recently moved out of my parent’s house. He’s been saving over a few years and managed to get his own apartment recently which he was legitimately really happy about.
Over the last week, he started moving stuff out and buying furniture for his apartment. My twin sister, my dad, and my mom helped him pack his stuff and move it to his new place.
I did not. I did not even go to visit his place.
My brother and I have a tumultuous relationship. I’m not lazy or unhelpful by nature, but he is very ungrateful and entitled. When things don’t go his way he gets quite the temper and I’m done dealing with that, I’ve got enough on my own plate and have been dealing with him for far too long.
For those reasons, I’d pretty much do anything but help him.
His bad behavior was on full display all over last week. My sister, even though she gets home rather late from school, went to help him a couple of times at the apartment, pretty much giving the rest of her day away to help him.
Each time, when they came back, I could feel the tension from the other room. He also made quite a few very snappy comments to my mom when she genuinely tried to help him.
I admit that she tends to repeat herself quite a bit and sometimes be a little clumsy but everyone, and especially her, was understandably tired from work/school so that kind of behavior was not surprising to me.
During that time I was unemployed and looking for a job (I’m starting next week) so I was in no shortage of free time, I had no other reason not to help out other than not wanting to.
I took it upon myself, being at home the whole time, to make sure that dinner was ready on time every day, paying extra attention to him (he is currently on a diet and we all stick to it with respect).
I also took care of the cleaning, so they could come home, have a meal, and go on with their life. That was my “contribution” to this endeavor. Keep the house tidy and functional.
Weirdly enough, even tho he was quite rude to everyone else, he was surprisingly chill to me. I could see his disappointment every time I told him I wouldn’t go, but he never blew a fuse, which he would have usually done.
Maybe he understood why I was acting the way I was. I can’t tell for sure.
Thing is, I never told him face to face why I acted like that, that I think he has a serious anger management issue and that working with him makes mundane tasks feel like absolute chores.
Today he finally moved out. And I feel bad.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so cold to him. Or maybe I should have clearly told him why I acted like that.
What do you guys think? AITJ for being so cold?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No need to apologize to a person that would just take advantage of your perceived weakness.
He’s not a nice person and look how he treated the people that helped him. Have your own private celebration that he is finally gone.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s no obligation to be anyone’s moving help. If he’d been nicer, you might have been more willing to help. The only benefit to helping would have been to get him out of the house faster.” DangerousDave303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you’re making too much of this. You don’t owe him an explanation. “No” is a perfectly fine answer when it comes to whether or not you’re going to do someone a favor.” TipTopC
5. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Son's Dog?
“My 20-year-old son moved out at 18 to live in the country 6 hours away with my parents after he graduated HS. He started to feel lonely so he got a puppy off some farm.
Shortly after that, he decided he wanted to come back home. So he did, puppy and all. Then he got a job working on the road and wasn’t home for nearly 6 months.
During that 6 months, I raised and trained this amazing border collie. I’m her human. She’s my life. She’s incredibly intelligent and very well-trained as I’ve always been good at training dogs.
Then my son comes back from the job on the road and picks back up with his dog but she loves us both. However, he just starts playing video games 15 hours a day talking to a girl he met in the video game and not giving her the attention she needs.
She’s very highly active. I take her daily to the park to throw the frisbee and get her running time in.
He then is home for another 6 months and then decides he wants to move from Texas to Maine to live with the girl he met in the video game even though they had never met.
So then he finally gets a job. Saves enough to get a plane ticket and leaves.
I ask him what about the dog. He says well you just watch her for now and I’ll come back and get her in 6 months or so.
I know this will be so hard and I’m very against this. I’m already so attached and paid for everything. I offer to give him $500 to help with his trip.
I begged him crying and pleading it’s cruel to her too. This is her home. We have another dog. They are best friends. She sleeps with me every night.
She goes with me everywhere. We are incredibly close. I’ve never been so bonded with a dog. Well the 6 months are approaching and he’s talking about coming to get her to live in an apartment and he works 6-7 days a week supporting the girl that doesn’t have a job and her family.
I want to just say no. But I love my son and it is his dog at the end of the day. I don’t want to hurt our relationship but I know he won’t take care of her like she needs to be taken care of and I’m her world too.
My son gets super angry anytime I bring it up that I think it’s wrong to take her. I’m so distraught over this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are her owner in every sense except for actually buying her. Have you explained why your son taking her would be cruel or have you just said that it’s wrong and not discussed the details?
This really should have been sorted out earlier though. Like telling him you will not take care of his dog for 6 months because it’s his responsibility. If he can’t handle that, he should give/sell you the dog.
Now he just expects his level of care to suffice because it has before.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He hasn’t been responsible for the dog. You will have been paying for the dog all this time and you have good reason to expect that he won’t exercise the dog or give it sufficient attention.
Dogs are living creatures, not furniture. We can’t just dump them when we feel like it. It isn’t his dog at this point and he needs to consider what’s best for the dog, not himself.
If he is working long hours, then that just isn’t fair on the dog.
I don’t understand why you’re the parent but you’re afraid of your son’s anger. You need to calmly and firmly tell him that the dog is better off with you, that it would be cruel for him to take it when he can’t even remotely care for it, and that it’s not going anywhere.
Who cares if he gets angry?
If you’re in the US, you could also call your local shelter/SPCA and get someone there to communicate with your son about why the dog is better off with you.
If he doesn’t respect you, he may respect an authority figure from outside the home. Also, show him these responses.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in your shoes.
My 17-year-old, Cierra, bought (with my funds which she never paid back) a Queensland Heeler named “Bana”. I trained Bana while Cierra finished high school. I did the hikes, ball throwing, Bana slept in my bed, etc. College rolled around and Cierra left her with me for the first year.
I took Bana for visits maybe 5 times during that period. Then Cierra wanted her. I was devastated but that’s her dog. Bana didn’t receive the attention she needed and tore Cierra’s apartment up while she was at school and work.
Cierra returned her to me. It’s hard, I get it but it was originally his dog. Cierra ended up getting another puppy after returning Bana. The new dog she trained. I hope it works out like it did for me.
A border collie or Heeler are working dogs, high energy, and they require extra attention or there’ll be problems. NTJ.” Sydneyfire
4. AITJ For Not Bringing In My Neighbour's Package?
“I work from home and my neighbors know this. I automatically bring in any packages I see by our building entrance as there are a lot of porch pirates in my area.
Sometimes they directly text me and ask me to bring them in if they are important/expensive items.
The thing is when I ask them to do the same for me when I’m not home (usually on the weekends), not only do they not, I don’t even get a text back.
I’ve lost several packages of mine and it’s obviously not my neighbor’s fault, nor is it their responsibility to bring them in but I got kinda bitter and resentful over time.
I still bring in packages when I see them when I leave my house but I stopped answering texts from my neighbors.
A few days ago it was pouring rain and one of my neighbors frantically texts me asking me to bring in his packages.
He even called but I ignored him because although he had asked me several times to bring his stuff in he never responds to any of my texts. Later that day he pounds on my door, all upset, and tells me that his cat litter got soaked in the rain.
I was like wow didn’t see that you texted, too bad, and he called me a jerk. I scoffed and closed the door and he kept yelling through the door.
I feel a bit guilty tho cause he’s a single dad and I’m sure he has a lot going on.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would’ve communicated to him sooner that this is the last time you’re helping him out just so he doesn’t expect it.
He doesn’t help you if you ever ask so you’re not obligated to do the same for him. He learned the hard way, and now the relationship between neighbors is spoiled (which isn’t great to live next door to someone you have beef with).” ranseaside
Another User Comments:
“You know, there are two ways to look at this.
Legalistically, you’re in your right to not bring in anyone else’s package. It’s not yours, you don’t have to.
In that case, it’s not your fault that something happened to your neighbor’s package.
But, you still feel bad.
In my own experience, sometimes being right isn’t worth it, and can even make you feel worse about what actually happened. This is one of those times.
If you brought your neighbor’s package in, even when they don’t deserve it, even when they didn’t do it for you, you single-handedly made the world a better place, and not only is that a better solution for everyone, but you’d feel a lot better about it yourself.
While you’re not wrong for pursuing the actions you did, considering he is a single father and is going through a lot, I think it would’ve been better for everyone if you did bring the package in.” Generic_Banana28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a paid doorman. I would be mad, too, if they didn’t have the decency to respond. I might stretch the truth and just say you’re slammed at work right now and rarely able to step away during the day, so they might want to consider shipping to a local pickup place.
I normally wouldn’t suggest lying, but I also don’t want some crazy neighbor screaming at you. Amazon delivers to our Walgreens, etc. Maybe cat litter shouldn’t be left at the door!” EnriquesBabe
3. AITJ For Telling My Aunt She Is The Reason We Are Not Close?
“I don’t like my aunt “Sally”, I mean she’s my aunt so she’s family but if we weren’t related I wouldn’t be friends with her or anything. She comes on too strong and when things don’t go her way she has a fit and cries.
Ex: We (mom, her, and myself) went to visit family in a different state for Thanksgiving. Our state’s NFL team was playing the Sunday after Thanksgiving. My aunt wanted us all to go to some sports bar/restaurant but nobody else wanted to so we said no. She started whining and crying and then complained the rest of the day.
BTW she could’ve watched it at my other aunt’s house (where we were staying).
Since I was a kid Sally has wanted us to be close. When I was a kid I gave her a few chances and hung out with her if I was off school or something.
She always made me do what she wanted, like crafting or going to the art museum. Eventually, I didn’t want to do stuff with her anymore because it was almost always some craft. I told her I didn’t like doing crafts and she said “you just haven’t given it enough of a chance”.
Now I’m in my 20s and she’s basically a relative I see on holidays.
I had an uncle on my dad’s side, Glen. From when I was probably 10-11 Glen and I were close.
One summer he was off work for an injury and I’d go by his house and watch old shows with him like Andy Griffith. He got me into NASCAR, I’d help him work on cars, and we’d go for bike rides.
Even when I grew up we’d still hang out. Glen passed away a few years ago.
Well the other day, my mom and I had to take some stuff by Sally.
She asked if I worked Monday. I said no. She asked if I wanted to come over and help her wallpaper her guest room. I said no. She said, “why not it’ll give us a chance to spend time together and catch up.”
I said “Nah doing chores on my day off doesn’t sound fun. Maybe one of your friends can help.”
She said, “We’re family and family helps family besides that I consider us to be friends.”
I said, “We’re not friends”. She asked if I considered Glen a friend besides just my uncle. I said yes. She said, “See so why can’t we be friends? You always kept me at an arm’s length”.
I said “Because Glen met me where I was when I was a kid and found shared interests and things to do together. You don’t. You always want me to do what you want to do and then get upset when I don’t enjoy it.
Coming over to help with chores isn’t my idea of fun bonding. It’s a…chore. Just because I was close with Glen doesn’t mean I’m required to be close with you”.
Of course, she started crying. She said she’s just trying to maintain a relationship with her niece since I’m the only one that lives here, and she doesn’t understand why I have to be so hostile.
We left shortly after. My mom said she gets it but I took it too far by going off. I said I’m sick of her always expecting me to like stuff I don’t and asking prying questions like she’s entitled to know about my life.
She said Sally’s the youngest and always got her way so it’s just how she is.
AITJ for telling Sally why I don’t want to bond with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sally may be the baby of the family, but she’s still a grown adult. If she can’t accept a “no” and insists on pushing for a more detailed reason, there’s only so upset she gets to be about the answer to “why don’t you like me?” being “because your idea of bonding doesn’t take what I want to do into account ever,” or even “I just don’t.” And if she’s not going to take the feedback and make some adjustments that might lead to the kind of dynamic she wants, she definitely doesn’t get to be upset when “that’s just how she is” means people would rather avoid her than deal with that.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Actually, I commend you for being honest with her and saying the words. Many people need to hear the words to understand what they’re doing wrong.
Unfortunately being silent, and hoping “they’ll get the point” doesn’t work with these types of people. So you did good. No, it wasn’t polite, but it was honest, direct, and necessary.” Ms-Ann-Thrope2020
Another User Comments:
“First, NTJ.
2nd, your aunt is also NTJ. I know that’s not exactly the question asked here but just trying to give it a clearer picture. She just wants to be close with you, which I get.
I have a nephew who lives on a different continent and is 9 months old now. I don’t want to be just the uncle from abroad. I want to be the Uncle Clown who he can clown around with, who he would be excited to meet.
So I always make some effort to video call the little kid.
The point is I understand what she’s trying to do. But the best intention doesn’t necessarily mean the best execution.
She honestly should understand that there’s give and take in this world. Not everything has to go on her terms. She was not born yesterday, this is something that she definitely knows.
If you want, just contact her and ask to have a frank heart-to-heart conversation on where your relationship could be improved, what damages it so, etc. I definitely would love for you to have a good relationship with your aunt.
But in the end, whatever happens, if you two are still not close, I think that’s fine too. Maybe you just have incompatible personalities and interests.” clowninmyhead
“ESH
Yeah, she sounds annoying and you can set a boundary.
Imagine you’re your aunt, a sensitive person who feels so strongly she cries all the time, who everyone always accommodates, and who nobody has ever told “Hey Sally, you’re overstepping.” In Sally’s world — she is just the baby with a lot of feelings and her behavior is fine.
I think if many people were suddenly confronted with all that, it would be easy for them to read this as ‘you’re a terrible aunt/person’ and shut down.
‘You always XYZ’ is pretty accusatory, and doesn’t really give her an opportunity to correct her behavior.
If you don’t want to give her the chance to correct the behavior, that’s fine but then you’re better off just setting the boundary instead of telling her how she failed, in my view. It’s not like you need to confront her in order to make amends for ruining your childhood — she’s just annoying.
And I’d say culturally, a lot of people do have the mentality that younger spritely family members help older ones do chores, so she probably sees it as a ‘fair game’ ask.
So if you’re not close instead of saying ‘that doesn’t sound fun to me I probably would have just said something like ‘I usually rest on my day off, sorry!’
If I actually wanted to change the behavior I also would try to stick to one thing at a time. Like, “Well, sharing the things I care about is really important to me and Glen always really took an interest in that, so we really bonded. I felt like I tried to learn more about the things that were important to you but I didn’t always feel like that was reciprocated. I’m open to sharing more of myself with you, though – do you want to go to the NASCAR-themed bicycle parade on Thursday?” and if she says no then it’s an ‘ok maybe some other time’ lol.
Rinse and repeat when she wants you to do a craft. ‘Shoot, I already have tickets to Andy Griffith’s reincarnation, but do you want to come?’ She can’t say you’re not including her anymore, and eventually, she’ll have to decide if she actually wants friendship or not.” Imaginary_Deer_6824
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Embarrassed Me?
“I F30 have been with my fiance “Ned” M36 for a year and a half. He has a 5yo son with his ex. They don’t have a custody arrangement but he has him most of the week because the mom is currently sick.
His son is lovely but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes, including places that aren’t child friendly.
His son’s 5th birthday was days ago, Ned took us out to a restaurant to celebrate.
The place was nice and looked a bit unfitting for the occasion because it was a somewhat expensive place.
Anyways, we ordered food and then got the birthday cake which was a surprise to me because I thought we were going to celebrate at home…so we could be free to sing and play however we wanted. I still had no issue with that til Ned started singing the “happy birthday song” to his son.
I was stunned I almost dropped my plate. He was singing it at the top of his lungs not even looking around or paying attention to how many people were staring at us awkwardly.
I felt so embarrassed I kept whispering for him to stop but he ignored me. Of course, my future stepson was hyped and a little too active which isn’t good when we’re in a public place.
I expected the staff, the manager, or anyone to get involved and stop him but no one did. In fact, some woman came up to us and offered to “help him take a video recording”.
I wasn’t in it at all. I froze in my seat looking stunned and a little angry.
He looked at me later asking what was wrong. I didn’t say anything except “thanks for finally noticing!” he didn’t understand what I meant and I didn’t explain til we were in the car.
I flat-out told him that he embarrassed me the second he started singing in the restaurant. He looked shocked saying he didn’t get why I would be embarrassed by him celebrating his son’s birthday and cheering him up.
I told him we could’ve done this at home when we’d be more comfortable and free. He took it as in I was ashamed of him and his son but I denied it and said that it just felt awkward and embarrassing maybe because I’ve never been in this situation and also judging from the restaurant we were at.
He said that his son’s mom is sick and he’s trying to do all he can to cheer him up and that all families do that and no one had an issue with that except me then when I tried to explain, he got mad, and said he no longer felt like talking.
We haven’t been speaking since then. It appears he’s still salty about me saying what I said and indicating that I see him and his son as an embarrassment.
AITJ?
I think he’s being too harsh with the whole ignoring me thing instead of talking it out.”
Another User Comments:
“He gleefully sang happy birthday to his child, whose mother is sick, while you sat there sulking in your anger.
Are you applying to be an evil stepmother by any chance?
You prioritize not being embarrassed over a fun moment between a father and his son. The restaurant staff didn’t think it was inappropriate.
It doesn’t seem that you are a good match for someone with kids.
YTJ.” FunkyOrangePenguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The kid is only 5, but you’re the one acting like a child.
It’s natural that his dad wants to celebrate with him. Who cares if someone hears him sing? You should be grateful that you have a partner who makes it clear that he loves and wants to celebrate with his little boy.
Are you ready to be with someone who has a child? Are you willing to share your SO’s time, focus, and attention with his son? Because the son should be his priority.” chicagok8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it had actually been an issue, the staff would have intervened. They didn’t. Given that the only actual response you got from anyone was unequivocally supportive, I think you’re wildly projecting your own embarrassment at having attention called to you in public, and you need to acknowledge that as your problem instead of taking it out on your partner.” mm172
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Deal With My Son's Partner?
“My son (mid-30s) is moving in for the second time with his previous SO.
They had a baby together previously who is now a pre-schooler. She also has a teenage son and a toddler (became pregnant while they lived together) by another man.
We lived in a house I paid for (she screwed me on the rent/expenses every month), stuck me with babysitting both my grandson and her son (sometimes for days while she was running around) didn’t cook, clean, do laundry or pay much attention to the children.
I stuck it out till the lease was up and then bought a home for myself. Son moved also as this was the time her new pregnancy was revealed.
Her son was treated as much like family as possible.
Flew him to our other home for vacations, Christmas and birthday celebrations, school clothes, activities, etc. He or his mother showed no gratitude for any of this, his behavior toward us and our other grandchildren was uncomfortable.
Lots of teasing, and bullying to our grandkids. We made excuses that he needed help because his mom was such a bad parent. To be honest, we were all quite relieved by their breakup because we disliked the SO and were tired of trying to make it work with her son.
Forward 2 years later and I find that our son and she are moving in together again. We told our son that we don’t want back on that merry-go-round again and only want contact with our grandson.
Our son tried to drop her son off last weekend with his son and I advised him that was not acceptable.
Son says they are a package deal and I need to take her son back as a family member.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sort of sounds like everyone else is. You’re not even responsible to look after your own grandson, that’s the job of the parents.
It doesn’t seem like they appreciate the help they are getting and are intentionally taking advantage of your “unconditional love and support”.
Help out with whatever you are comfortable with but don’t feel bad that you can’t help out more with your son’s partner and her own kids.
You’re not responsible for someone else’s poor decisions and you can’t be mom and grandma to every poor soul out there.” Randomz1918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is emotional blackmail and it happens all the time.
Tell your grandson you love him, then tell your son it is his choice to get back on this merry-go-round and cut off contact. Your son and his inability to change and stop this female from using him are only going to hurt you.
Don’t allow this. I would cut them all off and sell the house they are living in. This female is toxic and it will only get worse.” TastyHome8183
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You can’t exclude a kid….a sibling to your grandchild because you don’t like the mom. What a messed up life for these poor kids.” shesmellslikefishes
