People Eat Their Words In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Confronting My Uncle For Mistreating Our Dog After A Nightmare Internship?
“I (25M) worked for my mom’s sister’s husband Jim (57?M) 7 years ago. I couldn’t find an internship for the summer after my freshman year of college.
I reached out to Jim who said I could apply for his company’s intern position. I was accepted and Jim said I could live with him for the summer and borrow one of his cars since he lives in a different state. I was super thankful for the opportunity + housing and pretty excited because Jim was always known as the cool, charismatic uncle.
But the summer was a bit of a nightmare. I learned Jim is feared and hated as a CEO. He’s a huge micromanager and changes expectations on a whim which makes weeks of hard work useless.
I wasn’t spared as an intern. I was assigned a vaguely specified project that I was way underqualified and underpaid for.
Two weeks before my internship ended we had a check-in where he yelled at me and went back on a lot of his initial requirements. I put in 80-hour weeks for the rest of my time to salvage my project and make Jim happy. Jim was also a jerk to live with.
I was more than happy to do chores and help around but he treated me like a servant. But the worst incident was with the car he lent me. It had a busted bumper before I ever sat down in the driver’s seat. I figured it was caused by one of his heavy drinker friends who he routinely lends his cars.
He eventually noticed the damage, blamed me for it, and forced me to pay for repairs. Oh well, lesson learned, take pictures of stuff you rent or borrow as insurance.
Anyway, my parents had a small family reunion and my aunt brought Jim so we had to put up with him for the weekend.
Jim decided to spend the weekend messing with our small elderly dog. Sliding her pad while she’s sleeping, blowing air in her face, pretending like he was gonna give her table food then eating it himself, taking her toys and hiding them out of her reach, snapping in her face, etc. After Jim slid her pad again and laughed at her looking sad and irritated off, I said something like “I guess the small man has to bully the small dog to feel better about himself” (he’s 5’6).
He looked at me with a confused look and I followed up by saying that she isn’t one of his [company] employees and she isn’t paid to put up with his nonsense and be tormented by him. Long story short, my aunt said she couldn’t believe how disrespectful I was after everything Jim had done for me.
Jim tried to play it cool but made some dig about how I’m just a kid and I don’t know how easy I have it. They expect an apology but I don’t want to because Jim’s a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you are still bothered by the behavior of this man 7 years later, and happen to see signs of his ridiculous and callous treatment of others, you are entitled to comment.
Auntie forgets. You are an adult and will not be shamed into lying to cover his backside.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He IS a small man who needs to power-trip anyone he can to feel big. I’m guessing either your aunt never saw him act the way he did (outside the incident with the HR person) towards you or she simply doesn’t care.
It doesn’t matter either way because he doesn’t deserve an apology, especially for treating your family’s dog like that. If he tries to push it, tell him he’s not your boss and he can’t force you to give him what he doesn’t deserve anymore.” Owenashi
18. AITJ For Telling My Visiting Friend To Stop Shoplifting In My Country?
“So my (29m) friend (28m) from my home country (UK) came to visit me in my country of residence (Finland) where I have lived for 2 years.
We haven’t spent a lot of time together over the last few years but we used to be very close in our early 20s. I feel like I’ve grown up a lot over the last few years but I still figured we’d get on well.
He has some very particular anti-establishment views on institutions, capitalism, and capitalism. He has some fairly anarchistic viewpoints. I can understand these viewpoints. I consider myself quite a critical socialist kind of person. But I also have a full-time job and obey the laws of the land.
Anyway, he came to visit, and we went to a supermarket and he was complaining about the prices. He then asked casually if there were self-checkouts, and I said yes, to which he replied ‘Oh well I can just rob half of the stuff then.’ I asked him not to, repeatedly, and he did anyway.
He has pretty much done that every time we’ve gone to a supermarket.
We also went to a bar last night and had plans to go tonight to watch the football. He wants to bring his beer in his bag and pour his beers into his glass in the bathroom, basically stealing from the bar in my opinion.
Again, I’ve asked him not to.
He claims that ‘literally everyone he knows does this’. I know there is an issue with shoplifting in the UK and a cost of living crisis. I also know that security systems are lacking in the UK. But I think it is disrespectful to me, and the community and country I live in to come here and just start stealing from everywhere and everything.
He’s adamant he’s going to do it. I almost think it’s a principle to him. Like if things are slightly overpriced, he feels entitled to rob things.
I also am worried that if I am in a supermarket with him and he steals things and gets caught, then the security could consider me an accomplice.
He seems to think he will just get away with it because he always does it, but he doesn’t know about security systems in Finland and how they work. Just because it works for him in Bristol, it doesn’t mean it will here.
Anyway, he’s angry at me now because he thinks I shouldn’t be able to tell him how to behave.
But I think he’s being disrespectful to me, as he’s staying at my apartment, in my community. And if he gets caught tonight at the bar that would embarrass me in front of my friends.
Also, just to add. He’s not broke. He has enough funds.
I also told him how expensive Finland is and he decided to come here anyway.
AITJ for telling him to stop behaving like this?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. He is just using his political views as an excuse to steal. >He claims that ‘everyone he knows does this’ Not true.
You don’t. I doubt that every else he knows does this. Even if he does know others who do this, that doesn’t make it okay. ” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“There’s a difference between being a critic of capitalism and being a thief. Your friend is a thief, and you’re right, you’re going to be considered at least an accomplice if he’s caught while you are with him.
You should immediately stop going anywhere with him where he is going to steal – I would have refused to allow him to steal at the self-checkout in that first store. And if he thinks you’re a jerk for telling him not to steal, what’s he for telling you that you have to put up with his behavior?
NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just had this type of conversation with a 10-year-old girl I’m coaching in a theater camp who has a boy encroaching on her space and blowing through boundaries and I asked her to reflect on two questions and then make a plan: 1.
Is this other person showing you with their actions that they care about you or your feelings? 2. Why do you think your feelings are less important than theirs? You refer to this person as a friend based on a relationship that existed years ago. Now answer these two questions for yourself and figure out if this person is still your friend.
I believe you’ll come to realize this friendship has run its course and it’s time for him to leave. No code of ethics requires you to host a criminal, and if you delay booting him out, if he gets caught you’ll be implicated as well.
Take care of yourself, because he’s not going to do it.” CPSue
17. AITJ For Refusing To Transfer Colleges For My Absentee Ex?
“I (20sF) have a daughter (kindergarten) who I’ll call Sage with my high school partner (20sM). I am a D1 basketball player in Texas.
My whole family and ex-partner are from and still live in Phoenix AZ me and I daughter lived in Texas since March due to school and my basketball commitments, this arrangement was decided when I committed to my college and has been held for the past 3 years.
I went to Phoenix on the 4th of July to spend it with my family so my daughter and her father could be together for the weekend like we have since I went to college. Everything was fine and amazing until Saturday night when I and my ex, my dad, stepmom, and daughter all went out for a nice dinner together.
After the dinner, my ex pulled me aside and told me that I had to transfer colleges and programs since he couldn’t keep doing this and he wanted us to be a family again.
The thing is, this time of year is the only time he sees her despite HIM being the one to push me to keep Sage when I found out I was pregnant.
I give him plenty of chances to see her all year round since my mom has offered to take her back and forth between AZ and TX. He just never has and blows her off for god knows what.
I’m also a lesbian, he’s known that for two years now.
He barely calls or texts her, and only asks about Sage when his mother tells him to. All around he’s a pretty absent father so I don’t get the switch up.
This is where I might be the jerk, I yelled at him that “even if I could transfer colleges and programs I can’t, the portal is closed and I don’t want to leave.
I love my college, my teammates, my partner, and my coaches. And that if he wanted to have a say in Sage’s life he shouldn’t be such a deadbeat who dodges child support and that he’s lucky I haven’t taken his sorry behind to court, that I’m not uprooting a 5yo just for him to play happy family with and throw us away when he gets bored again.”
He’s done this once before too, he’s always been jealous of my D1 commitments(he’s very vocal about it) but this is the first time I’ve cursed him out. He wastes all of the funds that there due for child support.
My stepbrother thinks I’m the jerk for cursing him out for wanting to be a more involved father.
My dad and partner are on my side and suggested I post this here. Everyone else is staying out of this.
I just want to get outside opinions on if I was the jerk or not since I do feel bad for cursing him out but I don’t feel bad for what I said.
MORE CONTEXT; I do online schooling so once my team is booted from March madness we leave for PHX again & my daughter has online classes with a prof at my school 4 times a week when we’re at PHX
My ex has visitation rights (10 weeks out of the year whenever works for him) so he can see her.
My partner and best friend watches my daughter when I have to leave so she is always cared for and my mom will also watch her if she can come to TX”
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk to yourself and your child for not insisting on child support.
Do you have a court order for custody and child support? If you don’t, he could just take Sage for a visit and not return her and there is nothing the police can do. Also, if he wants more time, then he can retain a lawyer and follow the legal process.
NTJ” ResoluteMuse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t HAVE to do anything. The first thing he needs to do however is prove to his daughter that he can be a consistent presence and someone she can rely on. I get the feeling he just wants to hold you both back.
You’ve already moved on in life, don’t look in the rearview mirror especially if he can’t be at the very least a decent dad to Sage without being in a relationship with you. Wishing you and your daughter the best.” Honest_Wealth657
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. You’re a good mom and you couldn’t be more correct. He could move to TX. He could actively try to be more a part of her life. He has to prove he’s changed a whole lot, given he’s had years of bad behavior.
Just because he has wild hair up his behind after one dinner doesn’t mean he’s turned over a new leaf.” corgihuntress
16. AITJ For Letting My Cousin's Stepbrother Intervene In A Family Argument?
“I (20M) come from a chaotic family. One of my uncles is a raging narcissist but everyone still talks to him, unfortunately. I will call him Frank.
Yesterday, we had a small family dinner since it was my grandmother’s birthday. Frank and his wife Sarah are awful to Frank’s daughter from his first marriage, Clara (18F). I would never stop if I explained it all but all you need to know is that Clara is innocent.
They hate her for no reason.
Frank hosted a family dinner yesterday and they were trying to use Clara as a servant. She had already cooked most of the food and they were trying to make her clean up. She had enough and called her stepbrother (her stepdad’s son) to collect her.
I’ve met her stepbrother a few times and he’s a very nice guy, but he does not mess around about his sisters, Clara included. He used to have major anger issues but he’s calmer nowadays.
Her stepbrother arrived, and Frank said that he wasn’t going to let Clara leave until she washed all the dishes.
Other cousins offered to help but he said that since she made all the dishes (because she did all the cooking) she had to wash them. He then hid her shoes and phone so she couldn’t leave. For the first time, my mother and other ‘elders’ were standing up to him and demanding that he let her go home but he wasn’t budging.
An argument started (you know the type where all the kids are cleared out of the room). Clara started crying and was just going to do the dishes but I was like nah no way.
I went outside to her stepbrother’s car, and turns out one of Clara’s cousins from her mom’s side was also there with him.
They asked what was taking so long, and I informed them of the situation. This is where I might be the jerk since I knew these two would go in the house and get Clara out by any means necessary.
I let them in, and all I can say is that Clara’s shoes and phone were returned immediately.
I stayed outside, and I am not lying when I say that those men shouted so loudly the windows were shaking. Her stepbrother and cousin also then took a pair of Frank’s shoes, a TV remote, and a few other things just because they could.
Now, everyone is mad at me. My mother is saying I was a jerk because they were trying to get the situation sorted which is true, that was the first time I saw anyone stand up to Frank. She said now that I got Clara’s maternal family involved, things are a million times worse.
Clara’s older brother (not the stepbrother, who is also Frank’s son who couldn’t make it to the family dinner) has completely disowned his father and is refusing to return a car and lawnmower he borrowed. They are demanding I apologize to Frank, and that I also ensure his belongings are returned to him.
I don’t think I am a jerk because it’s his fault he refused to let Clara go but my sister told me to post here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Family group text… “Hi Uncle Frank, I’m sorry you’re such a spineless weasel that you have to mistreat your child to prove to your shrew of a wife that you love her more than your progeny.
Please accept this ‘apology’ from me as a way of stating my desire to never have anything to do with you or your narcissistic abusive nonsense ever again. I’d say I pray for you to find peace, but I’m just praying for your brakes to fail.
In short, here’s a complete sentence that sums up my involvement here: Despise you, bye” Oh. NTJ” TX-Pete
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The whole family failed your cousin with their gentle methods with Frank. I can understand if they are for gentle relativing they may not like what happened, but what happened was exactly what was needed to happen because men like Frank are cowards and they only understand when you react as bad as them.
As you are a bunch of cousins, tell your mom that your feelings matter too and that witnessing what was happening to Clara did hurt you a lot. You reacted without thinking, but you don’t regret what you did and your mom is also to blame because Frank’s behavior was unacceptable and they should not allow him to show his true colors in front of the younger of the family.
They should not have dinner with him at all, but if they want to, they should protect their children, protect their children, or otherwise accept that there are consequences because domestic mistreatment is not a thing you can witness with no reaction. Older gens can, some of them, but not us” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and truly if Clara’s maternal side only knows part of what she has gone through, I would tell them everything. They need to know the full scope to handle things appropriately. It’s likely Clara played it off or only told them part of what was going on if they are just now getting involved. Do not apologize.
I know others have said it, but Frank will take the apology as a win. You also have nothing to apologize for. You, by proxy of her cousin and stepbrother, protected Clara. I do not know if I could have stopped myself with just the remotes and things had this been one of my sisters.
Frank is finally having to deal with the consequences of his actions and any backing down will just be seen as him winning.” Siriues33
15. AITJ For Not Wanting The Future Grandmother Involved In My Pregnancy?
“I’m currently pregnant and the father and I are NOT together but plan on co-parenting. We get along great and have feelings for each other, but he’s not ready for a stable romantic relationship after his past ones, and honestly, a relationship is not my top priority, our child is.
I only met his mother recently after finding out about being pregnant and he had never really talked much about her or any of his family. I’ve known him, I’ll refer to him as Garth, for 3 or 4 years now. After finding out about being pregnant, he opened up a bit more about his mother and their ‘relationship’.
Over the last year, she would only reach out to him when she wanted his help with something, and for 6 years before that, she didn’t talk to him at all and didn’t even know if he was alive.
Now fast forward to finding out about my pregnancy.
He had told his mother, I’ll refer to her as Reba, about how he was going to be a father and only told her my first name. That same week I got a random friend request on a social media platform and a message and it was Reba reaching out to me, wanting to get to know me.
I talked a bit with her for a while and things seemed fine, she only had good things to say about Garth and our situation and everything seemed fine.
But it started getting weird when she showed up at my job to meet me in person instead of trying to set up a time.
She then managed to find my cellphone number somehow and started texting me that way. Things escalated when she found my mother on social media and started messaging her. It started the same with my mother, wanting to meet up and get to know each other, nice small talk.
But then my mother sent a single invite to an event and Reba started messaging my mother, questioning the paternity of my child when Garth himself hasn’t questioned the paternity. When confronted about it by me, Reba tried telling me that Garth had told her that I had told him it was possible that he wasn’t the father, which I already know never happened. She then told Garth that my mother had been harassing her to go to this event, which I also know never happened since I read the messages myself and also showed Garth.
But the last straw was when she again made comments about my child’s paternity at the gender reveal! She then also managed to find my best friend on social media and try to ask her how to get me to open up to her more not even an hour after the reveal!
I ended up calling Garth and explaining that it was out of hand and that I thought it was best if he talked to her and handled her seeing as she’s his mother. I also told him that as it stands, I do not want her at the baby shower, I do not want her to try visiting us in the hospital, and I do not want her to have my/our address (we’re trying to get a place together before baby arrives) and he said he understands and that’s okay.
It’s been a few weeks now and I’m just starting to think maybe I overreacted. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope nope.. You did not overreact. NTJ But Something I’ve noticed across subreddits is people who go NC/LC with their family members for very valid reasons, but when they are about to have a baby they suddenly get this nesting FAMILY mentality.
Where they want this big happy family, and they contact those difficult family members against better judgment. And then they have shocked Pikachu’s face when the same problems come up. It shouldn’t be about you wanting a grandmother for your kid, but about your kid having a good grandmother.
And this one already sounds dramatic, triangulating, and stress-inducing.” Lithogiraffe
14. AITJ For Asking My Flatmate's Partner To Be More Considerate Of Utility Usage?
“My flatmate (25m) has been seeing this nice woman for almost a year now, I have no problem when she hangs around or covers our entire lounge in sheets so she can paint.
She’s a nice person and we often talk about work since we are both in the social services field.
As far as I’m aware she still has her own flat and doesn’t technically live here but she spends pretty much 24/7 here and a few things are starting to get annoying.
Firstly since it’s winter she often leaves the heat pump on in the lounge and personally, since I spend most of my time in my room I never turn it on. There have been countless occasions that I’ve come home to an empty house with all the inside doors open and the heat pump still running.
Okay a little annoying but I can live with that.
Secondly is the extra power usage, she often has a dehumidifier running all the time, she has taken over the table in the living room with her chargers and is you know using power but she doesn’t contribute to the bill.
Last winter our power bill was roughly $90-$115 per person a month, this past month’s bill came in and my share was $158. That’s way more than it has ever been. I don’t care about rent because it’s insanely cheap anyway.
Thirdly and probably the most annoying thing is hot water.
Our hot water cylinder is quite small and because of this stupid power-saving thing it only heats water at certain times of the day. With her putting the dishwasher on all the time and having 30-minute showers by 7:30 pm we have no hot water. I start work at 4:30 am and hate having wet hair but when I asked if it was okay to use my hair dryer in the morning (at around 4 am) they all said no that’s too early and it’s loud, which is fair because it is very loud.
So now it feels like a rush in the evening to have a shower. You also can’t get hot water when the dishwasher or washing machine is on and lately, she has been washing her clothes on hot at night and then putting the dishwasher on so from 5-7 there’s usually one or the other on.
Which means there’s no hot water left to have a shower.
I can’t shower earlier as I’m not usually home any earlier. I’ve been showering at a friend’s house for the past few days because having a cold shower when it’s 4 degrees sucks.
I asked her to have a shorter shower, not wash stuff on hot, and to chill out using the dishwasher all the time and she acted so offended. I tried explaining why and said it nicely (I think) and just explained how frustrating it is.
Now they are both not talking to me, and when I thought I had finally gotten 5 minutes of hot water for the first time in what feels like weeks they put the dishwasher on and it came out freezing.
AITJ and just overreacting? Or would other people be annoyed too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s probably been said but you can be a lot meaner. The BF should take any cost of utilities above the average price per person from the time before GF moved in. If it was 115 per person for 2 people before I’m guessing the full cost was 230.
If tomorrow’s utility is 300 then the BF takes the extra 70. No questions asked. That’s not your cost of living. If you didn’t sign the lease under your name, threaten to move out tomorrow and he can pay the rent and utilities all by himself while he looks for roommates.” Fair_Warning7155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your flatmate’s partner is living there for free and using up all the resources without thinking about you. It’s fair to want hot water and not have your energy bill skyrocket. You were nice about it, and she should be more considerate.
If talking to them doesn’t help, maybe it’s time for a bigger chat or even finding a new place.” sensual_shanee18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re ignorant and entitled. Divide any utility costs into 3 and give them 1/3 each. Also, to the best of your availability (days off, etc.), make sure to eliminate any hot water before they need it.
They probably won’t understand, until they feel the inconvenience themselves. Either they’ll stay offended and you can start the process of dissolving this living arrangement, or they’ll realize how they are acting like they DP turd every week and start being more respectful.” Loratort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to sit down with your roommate and discuss boundaries and house rules since you effectively have a third roommate you never agreed to. It sucks having to be direct and start discussions that will cause conflict, but you’ve got to stand up for yourself.
Your roommate is letting his gf treat the apartment like it’s theirs, which it isn’t. Stop burdening yourself by trying to accommodate them. If there’s no hot water when you need to take a shower in the evening, take your shower and dry your hair in the morning.
Turn the washing machine off. Refuse to pay the increased bills from her running the water and electric up. Your roommate is charging you money so his gf can inconvenience you. Stop paying. You might lose the relationship, but that would mean you were the only one who was ever invested anyway.” 1568314
13. AITJ For Refusing To Move Out Of Our Shared Flat For My Flatmate's Relative?
“I’m a 24M living abroad with my friend/flatmate, 26M, who is also from a different country. We met in fall 2021 through a mutual friend and became part of a friend group. Initially, I lived in a 7-person flat, and he lived in a 2-person flat with a mutual friend who left the country in early 2023.
My future flatmate invited me to move in with him, not wanting a stranger as a flatmate. After some thought, I moved into his flat in the spring of 2023. Despite some disagreements and lifestyle differences, we made it work and our friendship grew stronger. I was happy with the flat and keen on living here for the foreseeable future.
Things took a drastic change recently.
We knew for some time that a family member of his wanted to study at a local university and move to our city. While the idea was floated around, no serious conversations about logistics occurred until this week. On Monday, he told me he wanted his relative to live in our flat and take my room.
I told him that while I understood he wanted to live with family, I had no plans of moving out and wasn’t keen on finding a new place. I suggested he should be the one who moves out and finds a place to share with his relative.
He didn’t want to accept my answer and said that he and his cousin would outbid me for my room, leveraging their wealth. I was appalled by this idea. He claimed he was separating our friendship from the living arrangement and didn’t consider how it affected me.
I told him our friendship would never be the same after this and that I no longer considered him one of my best friends. He seemed indifferent, only responding that he would try to rebuild things after everything blew over.
To try to mend things, I wanted to discuss this topic with our mutual friends to get their perspectives.
He shut down this idea, stating, “I don’t care what they have to say. They don’t live here, and what’s happening here doesn’t concern them. You will try to use what they say against me.” I went ahead and asked for their opinions anyway. They agreed he was being the jerk.
He was upset when they messaged him, criticizing his actions. He is saying how I am being a jerk in this situation by trying to portray him as a jerk and for trying to victimize myself, for blowing this out of proportion and causing a scene.
My actions that should be judged are refusing to move out of our shared flat and talking to our mutual friends about the situation without his approval. I might be the jerk because my refusal and involving our friends might seem like I’m not considering his needs and causing unnecessary drama.
I think I might be the jerk because:
I refused to move out of our shared flat to accommodate his relative.
I talked to our mutual friends about the situation without his approval, which upset him and made him feel attacked.
AITJ for refusing to move out of my shared flat so my friend’s family member can move in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not sure what country this is in so I don’t know how renting works there. If you are not on a lease and want to stay, secure your bid now. However, consider this: He will make living with him unbearable from this point on until you do leave.
Will this flat be worth any of it? And you are no longer friends. I would honestly just get out now in either case. He’s a jerk. On the other issue you mentioned, you don’t need his permission to talk about it with your friends.
Whether they are mutual friends or not. He’s being a control freak.” Slayed_Wilson
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can want to stay and he can want you to move out. But the whole mess is a prime example of why there are landlord-tenant laws, and those are what will determine whether you need to find a new place to live, or have the right to stay where you are.
You can’t decide that on your own and make it stick – which is why I am leaning toward saying you are the jerk. Not entirely, of course, because equally your friend probably also can’t decide on his own to force you out (well, maybe he can.
It depends on the law). Talking with your friends about your problems as a tenant is neither here nor there – people normally discuss such issues with their friends.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“Who owns the flat? Is it a roommate? Or a landlord? Either way, you have a lease – right?
If you have a lease that spells out rental terms then Roomie has zero grounds to push you out of the room you’re paying for. If no lease and your roomie owns the property – then he’s done you dirty but it still sounds like he gave you plenty of notice to find a new room which would make you the jerk.” opine704
12. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Due To My Stepmother's Controlling Behavior And Insensitive Remarks?
“I (18m) live with my dad (50m), my stepmom (47f), and my two younger siblings (6m and 3f). We are all from a South American country but firstly when I moved with them I had to move to the USA and one year after I had to move to a European country with them and I got some language classes that my dad’s job paid for (twice per week) but I was thrown at school on my own and expected to do great there with basically no knowledge on the language.
This created many conflicts between us because I couldn’t understand the classes and ended up having to repeat a school year. Besides that, our family life is turbulent because of me and my stepmom.
She’s very controlling. She sometimes hit my siblings and screamed at them and always found something to be mad about.
She’s what I’d call a clean freak and in my first years living with her she would randomly get in my room, “inspect” the cleanliness, and then not let me go out or do certain things based on her opinion on it. I help around the house with chores, by the way.
Before I also didn’t have a curfew and my dad didn’t have any problems with me seeing friends but because of school stuff (keep in mind I’m not fluent in the language of the country) she started controlling my free time. Now, she suddenly has a problem with my friends using our couch.
They’re gone for a weekend and I watched a movie with some friends at home, it nothing crazy, but now that she’s back she says the pillows smell terrible and that all my friends stink (she blames it on them being European and us Latinos) and says they’re not allowed to use our couch and need to sit on the floor if they come here.
Other things that she’s done include:
She took the key to my door because she didn’t like the smell of the shirt I was wearing (it was my partner’s shirt and she says he doesn’t know how to wash clothes).
I’m trans and she brings up the fact that she has opinions on my gender very often and always says “But inside you’re a girl so…”
Say that I’m the reason for her having problems with my dad.
Wanting to forbid me from eating in my room because I “don’t deserve the privilege”.
Search my room expecting to find my partner hiding there.
Saying that my partner would leave me because I repeated a school year.
Also, I had to hide the fact that I was having language classes for a while because she was jealous that she had to work and couldn’t study the language (my dad and the kids are the only ones fluent in it). My dad says she is just a bit of a clean freak and has a strong personality, plus wanting to learn the language (nowadays she is in a language school and working part-time) due to all this I’ve been trying to find a way out of the house but I don’t know if her behavior is ok or not.
AITJ for wanting to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“Behaviour is NOT OKAY AT ALL!!! She is not your mother, to begin with, she is your STEPMOTHER. Only you get to decide what parental role you want her to play in your life. If you have the funds and the ability to do so, MOVE OUT.
You don’t want her! If you can and you want to, go back to the States where you can finish school properly, maybe get a scholarship and attend college, get a comfortable job, and don’t look back. Your father is also awful for not standing up for you.
This is a toxic environment.” urabananaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m confused as to why you think you would be. Is it that you want to move out and still expect your parents to pay for another place for you to live? So long as they will no longer be financially responsible for you of course there is nothing wrong with being an adult and moving out on your own.” foxdogturtlecat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Also, you’re not safe in that environment. Her comments to you as a trans* person qualify as hateful in any setting outside of a family dynamic. I hope you can stay with friends or anyone really because her treatment of you is completely unacceptable.
Sorry you’re having to experience this.” songstress
11. AITJ For Evicting My Nephew After He Sold My Valuables And Refused To Pay Rent?
“I (45F) am in a difficult situation with my nephew (25M) and my family, and I need some perspective as I simply feel terrible about this whole situation.
Last year, my nephew lost his job and couldn’t afford to stay with his friends anymore. Having helped raise him and having such a deep connection, I decided to help him out. I had recently bought a house over the summer to rent out, so I let him stay there until he could get back on his feet.
I also gave him 3000 dollars to help with living expenses and such.
A few months later, he landed a job at a major tech firm, and during Thanksgiving, he bragged that his starting salary was almost as much as I’ve been making after 10 years in my current job.
I was naturally very enthused by him and extremely proud.
I decided after the holidays it was time for him to move on and get a place and start paying rent. As spring rolled around, I urged him to find another place to live or start paying me.
I also told him we could forget the 3000 and just move on. He refused, getting upset and saying it was convenient for him to stay since it was close to his new job and that he was not in a financial situation to be paying rent right now.
This confused me, as I previously stated he was bragging about his salary. I then offered to let him rent the property for a little more than the mortgage, which was less than what I planned to charge other tenants. He refused and has barely spoken to me since.
I struggled, but my family insisted that I give him a 30-day notice to vacate the property, which I had notarized. He ignored it. I then started to talk about eviction. We got into another argument when I got to repainting the house (with notice) because he had scuffed up the walls, and he kicked over my paint cans, ruining the carpet.
I had no choice but to file for eviction, it was all simply too straining.
I had some valuables and furniture I had stored in the crawl space I’d been too afraid to move due to the tension. I found that he sold my retro games and consoles, two paintings, my dining set, and a few other things through a camera on my property.
I called the police to file a report.
He came home during this completely out of his mind. They found illegal substances in his system and paraphernalia and he is now facing jail time for the possession but also DUI. My family is now furious with me, blaming me for ruining his life.
His parents won’t talk to me, and they claim I knew he was under the influence when I called the police when he hadn’t even come home yet. They said I should have called them before the police to “settle it”.
I feel like I did everything I could to help him until he crossed too many lines.
I just am so stressed and guilt-ridden, I just need to hear some opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s the only person who ruined his life. I wonder if he was lying about the job altogether. You were a good family member and gave him a hand when he needed it.
He then was ungrateful and refused to abide by the agreement. His being under the influence is even more reason to call the police because he could have been dangerous to try to handle, with or without your family. I wonder how much they knew and how much they were enabling his behavior.” OkSet6073
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went above and beyond to support your nephew, offering him a place to stay and money to get back on his feet. Despite your generosity, he took advantage of you, refused to pay rent, and even sold your things. Calling the police was 100% understandable.
His future legal troubles are the result of his actions, not yours. You did what you had to do in a very tough situation. Don’t feel guilty for making the decision you did. You’re well within your rights, he is a grown man and not your responsibility.
Don’t let your family make you think otherwise. Do the parents know the whole story? They’re extremely entitled and it makes sense where he gets this behavior from if so.” Suspicious_Walrus0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if he was lying about the job, too.
He is the architect of his downfall. He did the illegal substances. He did the theft. He did the squatting. He did the vandalism. Time to pay the piper. As for his parents. They didn’t do anything to help him and they’re not doing anything now.
Block them.” FuzzyMom2005
10. AITJ For Taking The Master Bedroom On A Group Vacation?
“I went on a week-long vacation with a group of friends, and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for taking the master bedroom.
Here’s the context:
Airbnb house set up (cost was split equally however I planned and booked, paid the $700 security deposit myself):
Master bedroom with king-size bed
Guest room with queen size bed
Guest room with bunk bed
Attached guest suite with a loft sleeping area that has a king-size bed
The people in the group:
Myself, my 3 children
A friend and her husband
Another friend, her son, and partner for a total of 9 people.
I’m a single mom with 3 kids: a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 2-year-old toddler. My best friend is also on this trip with her 10-year-old son, her son has a history of bullying my 10-year-old son which is a whole other can of worms. Because of this, I wanted to ensure my son felt safe and comfortable, so I decided to take the master bedroom with a king-size bed where I could sleep with both my 10-year-old and toddler.
My best friend, on the other hand, has a partner and insisted on having the master bedroom for themselves. However, there is a guest suite available that also has a king-size bed. I suggested that she and her partner take that room (the other couple insisted that she take it as they had the guest suite last year), but she refused and became upset with me for not sharing the master bedroom or taking the smaller bed with my two kids (mind you the queen bed would not fit the 3 of us.
I opted not to take the guest suite as it has a loft sleeping area and I was not comfortable without having a baby gate since the toddler and stairs could be dangerous. I brought a pack-and-play bed for the toddler that I thought might work for the smaller room if it became an issue; however, the pack-and-play is a mini one that was used when my toddler was younger and I did not check to see if he still fit in it before the trip.
Not only did my toddler not comfortably fit in it, but it also took up too much space in the guest room with the queen-sized bed.
To complicate matters further, my best friend and her partner have had a rocky year and their excessive drinking has become an issue.
We were kind of anticipating there to be some drama on the trip. There was. The first night on vacation my best friend and her partner came back late from a bar, inebriated, and had a loud argument, disturbing everyone in the house, things escalated quickly and we were lucky the police were not called. Her partner ended up leaving the next morning and so just my best friend and her son remained. She’s mad at me for taking the master bedroom, but I feel like I had good reasons, especially considering her son’s behavior towards mine and my need for a larger bed for my kids.
So, AITJ for insisting on taking the master bedroom on this vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In my friend/family world whoever does the organizing, and booking, gets the master room, there needs to be a reward for the organizer of the holiday. Otherwise, no one would want to do it and we’d all stay home.
Tell your friend when she takes control of the holiday booking, risking her own money as a deposit that’s when she can have the master room, but until then she’s out of luck. But your group needs to discuss respect before the next set of holidays begin, no adults come back to a house filled with kids inebriated and fighting.
That it’s not ok to wake the entire house up and if you can’t behave then you don’t get an invite extended next trip.” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The arrangement seems to make sense. Usually, the person who puts down their card & organizes the accommodation gets first pick for rooms and can pick the ‘best’ room.
The only time this changes a bit is if the trip is meant to honor someone else. Other things can change the selection such as people’s needs, length of stay, etc.” chaenukyun
9. AITJ For Canceling Plans With My Friend After His Disrespectful Conversation?
“My close friend who I’ve known a long time, probably 7 years, who I also share reciprocated, somewhat heavy romantic feelings for, moved out of state after high school.
He’s back visiting and we had plans to spend the whole day together and he paid for a hotel for us to stay at. It was also just his birthday. We’ve both been looking forward to these plans and spending time together and he flew a long way and spent a lot of money to be here.
Last night we were at his friend’s house after hanging out at the bar with a larger group of his friends. We’d all been sitting outside drinking and I get really tired and get up without saying anything to lay down on the couch and I end up falling asleep.
My friend comes upstairs to say he’ll be back with a blanket for me. Some time goes by before I hear him and his friend come upstairs and whisper at length, I couldn’t quite make out what was being said but I did hear snippets and could make out that I was a topic of the conversation being had.
He comes back and asks if I want to sleep in the friend’s bed and I say no I was comfortable on the couch, he asks are you sure and I say yes. The friend then goes upstairs and the guy I’ve been talking to stays on the couch with me.
I asked them what they had been talking about and he got defensive says “What did you have your ear pressed against the door?” as if they hadn’t been standing 3 feet away from me. He started to laugh and when I asked him what was funny he offhandedly mentioned his friend had been pushing for him and me to have inappropriate interactions in the friend’s bed???
among some other weird stuff. I shot up and said that is so weird and disrespectful to say, especially about someone asleep on the couch, and he started defending his friend saying he told him no and his friend didn’t mean anything by it and that he’s a really sweet guy.
I was pretty intoxicated and tired so I just brushed it off and went back to sleep.
The next morning I left while everyone was sleeping not knowing how to feel about it, he texted me and said he got intoxicated and doesn’t remember ever coming inside.
I refreshed his memory about what had been said and he immediately apologized and said that it wasn’t okay that he was sorry for making me uncomfortable and that he talked to the friend and they were sorry too.
I told him I didn’t want to be around him and didn’t want to see him today.
I feel bad because he had to coordinate his days with places to sleep and get rides, and he spent money on this hotel specifically for me and blocked the day out for me. Not to mention he’s visiting out of state and I don’t know when he will be back.
Am I overreacting about the situation? Should I still attempt to see him before he leaves?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – neither your potential romantic partner nor his friend were joking. As the saying goes “in vino veritas” – in booze there is truth. They meant what they said/were whispering about.
The fact that he is defending his friend is also telling. This type of comment is NOT a joke, no matter the context, but especially not when someone is asleep on the couch after having been drinking. Walk away, block him. Just because he spent money to be there, etc – does not entitle him to treat you with such blatant disrespect” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“I agree with many of the comments about ghosting him for the blatant disrespect, but I feel there’s something more troubling going on here. What if, in your intoxicated/half-asleep state you had agreed to sleep in the friend’s bed? How are you to know that both he and the friend wouldn’t have pushed for nonconsensual interactions / taken advantage of you.
These are signs of men being willing to at least joke about taking advantage of a woman under the influence, cut this jerk and don’t feel bad for a minute, you dodged a bullet NTJ” According_Pizza8484.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know many intoxicated people capable of whispering a conversation and consistently handling stairs.
At least not intoxicated enough to have missing memories. Plus, don’t take it as joking. Why was he defensive when you asked what they spoke about right next to you? And most importantly, with a topic like “you should have inappropriate interactions with her in my bed and let me join”, and it was supposedly a joke, why was his first idea after that to then ask if you wanted to sleep in that same bed…
Why make that “joke” and then try to get you in the bed? Even going as far as to ask more than once. It’s suspicious.” SiriusSlytherinSnake
8. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Out My Roommate Over Her Untreated Lice?
“I (22F) share a bedroom with one other girl Tai (21F). We both moved abroad for further education. I moved about 10 months ago, while she just recently moved in with me about 2 weeks ago. We have another girl living with us in the other bedroom, let’s call her Lara (24F).
Lara and Tai belong to the same community so they have bonded in the 2 weeks Tai has been here.
When Tai had just moved in, she noticed that I had a lot of boxes tucked under my bed, which she found “unclean”. Most of the boxes had clothes and other wearables that I had no space in my closet for.
They were all neatly tucked under my bed and weren’t imposing on her side of the room at all. She felt uncomfortable to directly approach me with this, so she talked to Lara who then proceeded to berate me about how it doesn’t feel good to look at, and that I should clean it up or Tai might move out.
This ticked me off, but I did get an extra organizer from a thrift store to put the stuff from boxes into. I also told Tai to directly approach me if she has any qualms about sharing a space with me.
Flash forward to a week ago, I noticed Tai sitting on her bed using a specialized comb and then squashing something.
On a closer look, I realized they were lice. The comb that she was using was definitely from our home country, I could tell from the shape and structure of the bristles. So this isn’t something she caught here, she flew internationally with lice in her hair and didn’t bother informing us about her situation.
I panicked immediately. I am very particular about hygiene, and, I am interning at a healthcare site that is very strict about presentation and things like this(obviously lol). Anyway, I checked myself for lice, but I seem to be okay so far. I spoke to her and told her to get treated, reminding her that she has insurance that will cover it.
She seemed kind of bothered by it and just replied with a “Hmm okay”. Two days pass, and she’s still using her comb, no medicated shampoo, no treatment, nothing. I approach Lara, who turns out, knew about the lice. She tells me it’s her business, and up to her if she wants to pursue treatment.
This annoyed me, especially after she made a big fuss about some boxes under my bed making the room “unclean”. Lice are not.
Resigned, I approached Tai again to remind her. She just says “okay” again, and I get annoyed. I tell her point blank that if she doesn’t get treated within this week, I will kick her out of the house.
My landlord hasn’t made the new lease yet, so it won’t be a problem. She starts crying and then Lara tells me I bullied her, adding that she’s from a small village and doesn’t live a privileged life like me. I don’t understand how that relates to anything.
I’m not sure if I did too much by threatening her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How on earth is an aesthetic quibble more damaging than a hygienic one? So what, you had boxes under your bed — that’s life when you don’t have enough official storage space.
To threaten to move out over *that*? It’d have been tempting to say “Go right on ahead”. But you didn’t, you went and got some better storage. All the while, she’s sitting there with a case of head lice?! As though those aren’t highly contagious?!
W*F. If she knew she didn’t have funds for medicated hair treatment, she could have asked for her you two to help her get some, for the good of everybody in the room.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Why doesn’t Lara switch bedrooms with you since she and Tai get along so well?
And I would say this to Lara. “If you are so concerned and you all get along so well, how about you and I switch bedrooms? You can room with her”. I do not get why having storage under your bed was a big deal. As for Lice, when my daughter was young and in daycare, there were a few outbreaks.
I learned from experience. There is no treatment for Lice. The shampoos and stuff only get rid of the active, live lice. The nits, (eggs attached to the hair shaft), are what need to be taken care of and you do that by combing them out at least every day for two weeks so that they do not hatch.
Lice do not jump. But can be transferred by anything her head comes into contact with. Do not share hats or clothes. She should Vacuum the area after she sits on a chair or sofa. Also, she should use a shampoo with rosemary or tea tree oil in it.
They do not like those odors.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“Maybe she has already used the shampoo and is just combing out the nits. Shampoo can kill the lice but there will still be nits on the hair shaft. Also, you can’t check yourself because they are in the hair close to the scalp.
If I were you I would use the shampoo (or crème rinse) myself if you are in the same house.” rosezoeybear
7. AITJ For Feeding My Niece Without B's Permission?
“My fiance, myself, our two toddlers, his parents, his brother, his brother’s partner, and his brother’s daughter all live in a house we rent. (Obviously, it’s not ideal, we are going our “separate ways” in March.) I’ve been engaged to my fiance for four years in September so in his parents and everybody else’s eyes, I am his wife.
We will call my brother-in-law’s partner B for the sake of anonymity. B has been causing drama since she’s lived with us. She’s been with G (brother-in-law) for a year now and has lived with us since they’ve been official. I’ve known G’s daughter since she was 3, she is almost 8 now.
I changed her diapers, I babysat her, etc. She is my niece whether I’m legally married to her uncle or not. She is one of my babies right beside my actual kids.
Anyway, long story short, B is extremely controlling and thinks that because she’s seeing my niece’s father, that makes her the mother, even though my niece’s real mother is in the picture and gets her for two to three weeks every two to three weeks.
She has a way more strict ideation of what a child should do when it comes to eating. She forced my niece to eat the leftovers she didn’t want if she got hungry, etc.
The family reunion is this weekend and we have a bunch of guests staying over.
While my children were watching a movie in the other room, I sat down to watch some Ted with our guests. My niece sat down in between two of the guests and started dozing off. I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs and nap with her dad and B and she said “I’m hungry.” I immediately got up and was like “Okay, what do you want to eat, baby?”.
She and I went to the cupboard and she pointed at a box of Mac n cheese my fiance had just bought for our kids, the SpongeBob-shaped noodles. I thought nothing of it, whatever she didn’t eat I could put in the fridge and my two girls could have it as a snack or a side for lunch tomorrow, no biggie.
So I start boiling water to make the Mac n cheese and my niece’s dad and B finally come downstairs. I said “I’m making “I” (we will call my niece “I”) some Mac n cheese.” Her dad said “Okay that’s cool. Thank you.” And B goes, “I told her she could have leftover pizza for dinner.” I stupidly said “Maybe she just doesn’t want it?” AND THIS WOMAN GETS CLOSE TO ME WITH HER FINGER IN MY FACE AND SAYS “She’s my child, not yours.” EXCUSE ME!?!?
Am I wrong for trying to feed my niece? In the end, she ate the entire box of mac n cheese AND a banana after. Am I the jerk for feeding my niece? Did I cross a boundary I didn’t even know was set? B does nothing but bad talk my niece because she hates kids, even her interactions with my children make me clench my jaw.”
Another User Comments:
“I want you to please write down what’s been happening in short objective paragraphs and hand it to your niece’s mother. It sounds like the custodial arrangement should be changed to benefit your niece, but her mom has no way of knowing what’s going on.
Tell her. Will this cause drama? Probably. But remember, if the GF wasn’t doing anything to be ashamed of, there’d be nothing you could write that would embarrass or upset her. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Kindly hint to the father that this could bite him in the rear.
– Firstly allowing non-family to berate the child and take over the parenting is a cause for having the custody time decreased. – Secondly, because the child is having seriously negative experiences at age 7 or 8 that will be remembered emotionally at age 12 and for the rest of her life, even if she can’t remember why.
She’ll grow up to feel visceral revulsion at the sight of his kitchen.” LTK622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear you just care about her, and offering her food when she’s hungry is a natural and kind gesture. B’s behavior is controlling and inappropriate, especially considering she’s not the child’s mother.” Kind_Ashley
6. AITJ For Wanting To Claim Our Child On Taxes Despite Our Previous Agreement?
“I (27/F) have a child (3) with my ex-fiancé (27/M). Let’s call him Luke. Luke and I have to decide which one of us gets to claim them this year on taxes.
Doing so could bring our total to over $1000. Background: I got pregnant while we were engaged but we broke up shortly before the birth. Based on the laws of our state I have full custody. We decided it’s best to split our time with them so we trade off weekly.
We have no intertwined income and usually just pay for their needs individually.
We agreed to trade off tax years but that was based on us sharing the work/cost of parenting. That’s not how it’s worked out.
I live by myself with no real outside support.
I do get help every once in a while from some family, but a good 85% is entirely just me. I pay all my bills and necessities. I rarely get a babysitter. Luke does not pay child support which I have not requested.
Luke lived with his family in an inherited home for the last 5+ years and has only recently decided to move out because of “boundaries”.
He didn’t pay rent. He paid some bills, but they were split among the other adults too. He doesn’t make as much as me but the largest reason is because he hasn’t been able to keep a job.
We’ve been attempting to co-parent which is not without its hardships.
Luke has made it clear that he’s been attempting to get out of parenting. He has repeatedly tried to excuse why he shouldn’t take them including but not limited to saying I have to keep them if they are sick with a cold my week so that it stays in 1 household only to say I should take them HIS week when someone in his house got sick because the kid “probably didn’t have anything”, seeking late shifts/overnight jobs so he doesn’t have to be home while they’re there, trying to find a job across the country that would keep him away 6+ months at a time because he said it was good income, and most recently saying the household is too toxic and not safe for HIM to be in.
Because of the last reason, Luke has moved in with his new partner. He claims that he still sees our kid regularly, but after speaking with his family, he might get them from daycare 2-3x a week but leaves soon after while the family takes care of the rest. There were even a few weeks after the most recent fight where he ghosted us all together.
So while on paper we trade off evenly we don’t. Last year we had a big fight about this because I’d claimed our kid the last 2x. This was hard for Luke because of the child tax credit and benefits that he didn’t get, so I can understand that.
It’s important to note that Luke has another child from a previous relationship and he claims them every year. Yes, the family is picking up the slack for the other kid too.
To claim our child Luke needs me to sign away my right but our mutuals have suggested NOT to let him and that he can stick with just claiming his first kid.
But I want to be fair about this. I want to make the right and equitable choice. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ To claim the tax credit the child must have stayed with you for 6 or more months. If you’re alternating who has the kid every week then splitting the tax credit is the fair approach.
If you end up having the kid for 6 months and 1 week then only you legally qualify for the tax credit. If he wants to consistently avoid his parenting time he has no legal claim to the tax credit. I suggest you document every time he does not take the kid during his time going forward.
Take the credit this year and tell him if he wants it next year then he needs to take responsibility and take the kid every other week to qualify for the tax credit. Falsifying tax returns is illegal.” -Nightopian-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Luke is a deadbeat parent and lacks responsibility for anything and anyone, which shows his lack of career growth and relationship history.
You 100% should claim the child since you’re the only one who took care of them this year (or ever). The tax laws are above reedit’s pay grade so it might be worth consulting with a CPA.” cashycallow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s guidance online for whom should claim a child on taxes. You have your child for half the year, Luke’s family has the child for some time, and Luke occasionally has his the child. That sounds like you should claim your child on taxes.
” teresajs
5. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Depressed Brother Over His Excessive Gaming?
“For context, my (16F) brother (14M) has been having issues in school (disliked amongst his peers) + has been talking to a school therapist for a while.
Let’s call him Bill. He has been occasionally open about his feelings of depression and hopelessness, and the change started when he started high school.
3 years ago, my mum became a single mother, who now works multiple jobs and usually comes home at around 7 pm Mon-Sat.
As a result, I am the one responsible for taking care of my brother.
I asked Bill to stop playing games on his laptop (had been playing for more than 6 hours at least), waited until his game was done then gave him some revision work to do that he learned last year (this is somewhat of a daily routine since it is the holidays and he has a test early next term based off what he learned last term, so I give him 2 worksheets to do so he doesn’t forget) and continued with my homework.
Bill immediately gets upset (for what? I have no idea. For asking him to do work? For speaking to him?), slams his laptop closed, and storms off to his room. (a common occurrence, has happened around 4 times a week since the holidays started)
I give him some time to cool down, then go to his room to try to talk about it with him, or at least make sure he is okay.
However, I find Bill playing games on his phone on his bed instead.
I get upset, I feel like he’s not even trying to help himself and it’s been going on for so long and I’m just tired of having to chase him around everywhere.
Bill always sneaks around and once he gets caught he promises to be better and put effort into changing, but that is yet to happen.
After I get angry though, he begins to cry and says that he can’t control it, that he just wants to stop.
I feel so bad about yelling at him, I don’t even know if I have a valid reason for getting angry. I don’t know if I should have done other things to help him or if the way I was approaching him was wrong.
From my perspective, at home, Bill only plays video games, even though his school therapist has told him he should limit his screen time to 1 hour a day.
I understand that he is still young and may have trouble with self-control, so I try to consistently remind him, I’ve given him productive things to do, bought books that he said he was interested in and made sure he had manageable chores to do (washing up dishes after we eat because I have eczema on my hands and dish-washing liquid makes it flare up).
But all he does is get annoyed at me and at this point my mood plummets when I’m coming home because I know it’s just going to be tiring trying to dodge everything that might make him suddenly upset.
However, Bill is kind and thoughtful, and there’s nothing wrong with his personality except perhaps being quick to anger.
I know that I am pretty strong with him, always telling him that he needs to work hard instead of staying in front of a computer every day for 12 hours. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand that mental health can be a very big thing and when you’re dealing with something like depression it can have a very big strain on the entire family not just Bill, I also think that Bill might also have undiagnosed bipolar disorder, which could explain his quick temper, even though I don’t agree with you yelling at him I do understand that it is stressful to deal with someone who is going through a mental health crisis, because they are as well, a victim, overall, I see no jerks here, I do think you could’ve handled it a little better, but I I understand you’re stressed out.
No jerks here” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“You are now in the role of your brother’s parent. This is not okay. Did he consent to this? Have you considered being his friend and sister, and not becoming his mother? You are barely older than he is, if you continue it is likely to ruin your relationship long-term.
He is 14. He has a therapist. He has a mother, even if she is only there in the evening. He can be responsible for his own homework, his own motivations. Do you think his playing for 6 hours is healthy? It is likely a displacement/distraction activity.
It is probably better than him using substances to numb. Taking away his numbing activity without any replacement support leaves him at the mercy of… whatever emotions and thoughts he hated so much he went into the game in the first place. If you really want to help, stop pushing him to study.
You are enaim to externalize his need to get the work done, he needs to own his desire to study. Instead, try getting him to talk about his emotions. Find out what he is depressed about. Help him express these things, ask open questions, keep the focus on his feelings and listen, don’t tell him how he feels or judge him, good, or bad.
Be there for him as a friend and sister. YTJ but an extremely well-meaning one.” chrestomancy
4. AITJ For Potentially Ruining My Friends' Relationship Over Unpaid Rent?
“I Female (17) have two best friends that have recently started seeing each other, we will call them ‘C’ (F 16) and ‘M’ (M 18).
‘M’ has just moved in with me, at my family home with my disabled mother, (53) and younger sister (11) We live off of a government benefit and child support from my Father.
‘M’ had just escaped from a harsh environment, and asked for a couch to stay on for a few days while he figured out what to do next. My mother is not in the physical or mental condition to be able to work, and I have only been able to ‘work’ doing art commissions due to legal issues with the benefit.
(bringing in $20 a week when I’m lucky.) The agreement was to allow ‘M’ to stay with us on our couch for a week. He would in that time find work, and apply for his benefit along with emergency housing in the town over. It has now been almost three months.
‘M’ has not found a job, my mum had to force him to book an appointment to try to get help. And he hasn’t paid anything to help with his food, power, or water.
This has been an extremely difficult time for my mother, she cannot afford to pay the way for another person, and we were already struggling as it was with the three of us.
We ended up extending the ‘deal’ to him being able to stay in our sleepout. Giving credit where it’s due, ‘M’ did a good job at renovating the place, but didn’t pay for anything, supplies or otherwise. (We had to spend over $500 in emergency savings for this)
The real problem starts here, for some context, I’ve been best friends with ‘C’ and ‘M’ separately for the last few years. ‘C’ and I live in the same town, while ‘M’ lived in a town 2 hours drive from mine before these arrangements. I introduced the two of them about a month ago at a ‘Good Omens Watch party’ I’d organized. The two hit it off and started seeing each other the next day.
‘M’ does have money, I don’t know how much, but he keeps placing orders on sites like Temu, for things he doesn’t need let alone can afford. And buying things for ‘C’. ‘C’ also asks him for money fairly often. We have tried to talk to ‘M’ about this as he did agree to help pay for his food and power.
But he keeps dodging the situation. At this point I feel as if I have brought a huge financial burden on my family and feel terrible about it, I also can’t see a way to talk to ‘M’ about it, so I’m thinking of going through ‘C’.
‘C’ knows that ‘M’ is staying with us, and knows the situation. But I’m unsure if she knows where ‘M’ is financially and how he’s not spending responsibility. (And spending A LOT on her)
I just don’t know if this would hurt my relationship with either of them.
I’m also useless with this sort of stuff as an Autistic spectrum, and Aro-ace being bad with romantic relations. I don’t know if this could ruin their relationship.
Would I be the jerk if I potentially ruined my friend’s relationship over rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not set yourself (and your family) on fire to keep someone else warm. This freeloader is taking the food from your mouth and not doing anything. He has ruined the friendship, not you. Someone who has no compassion and just takes and takes is not worth your efforts.
If your other friends think you are the jerk for asking for payment and kicking M out, then they can cover his costs to you and house him themselves.” HighlyImprobable42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a thin line between helping a friend and letting them take advantage of you.
Either he starts contributing (whatever little he can) or he would need to look for solutions somewhere else. Have the conversation with both of them, since they are both involved one way or another and we’re talking about your family’s livelihood here.” Mustang1201
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, but more so your family. I’m making assumptions here, but I’m pretty sure collecting rent from M would not be allowed, considering you need to keep your income so low. M should have kept his word, but your family has allowed him to stay, despite his failure to keep his word.
You are trying to do him kindness, and that’s not a bad thing, but in the end, you are only enabling his irresponsible lifestyle.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's Party Early After Feeling Ignored And Uncomfortable?
“I was recently invited to a party by my(24F) partner (26 M) and his friends. We have been together for about a year now and this was supposed to be the first time I officially meet his friends. I had previously met a few of them and it was extremely awkward so I was a bit apprehensive about meeting his friends this time around.
I also deal with some social anxiety so that made it worse.
On the day of the party, my partner said he would pick me up and we were meant to get to the venue together. This was important for me because I didn’t want to be there without my partner.
An hour before he was supposed to pick me up, he texted me asking if I could find my way there because his female best friend needed a ride to the party. I was upset and told him that he had already promised to pick me up but he didn’t reply to any of the messages for the next hour.
After he reached the venue he texted me asking me where I was at. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of his friends so I ended up driving myself to the party.
Throughout the night my partner was glued to his female best friend because he hadn’t seen her for a long time.
Not once did he bother to ask me if I was feeling okay or whether I needed anything. I made small talk with some of his friends but overall I didn’t feel included because my partner was paying zero attention to me. It felt like I was just a random person who showed up to this party uninvited.
Eventually, I was too tired of even trying to act like I wasn’t upset with my partner’s reaction and just said bye to the people sitting around me and left. My partner was too intoxicated to even notice that I had left.
This is very unlike him because, in the year that we have been together, he’s been very caring and thoughtful.
He was the one who insisted that I meet his friends and he said he would make me feel right at home.
The next day he called me in the evening fuming about how I just walked out without even saying bye to everyone. I told him that no one cared if I was even there and it took him almost a day to realize.
We had a huge fight over it and talked to him about choosing to pick up his female best friend instead of me and spending the entire evening with her and acting like I didn’t exist. He denied all those things and said that I was being a crazy possessive partner and that what he did was completely normal.
I talked to some friends and they sided with him saying that he was meeting his best friend after a long time and that he must have wanted to make the most out of it.
This got me wondering if I was in the wrong and if I should’ve made more of an effort.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everything about this sounds strange. Not meeting his friends for a year feels like a red flag. Not responding to your texts for an hour after skipping picking you up at, the last minute feels like a red flag. Your partner being glued to his friends all night, not even noticing you left feels like a red flag.
Your partner being upset with you the next day feels like a red flag. I’m not surprised his friends took his side. Not sure what to make of this, but leaning toward NTJ.” RulerofHoth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Red flags flying everywhere! He invites you to this party. Promises to look out for you. Ditches you, goes Mia for an hour, ignores you and spends the whole time with another girl.
Then tries to gaslight you and make you feel bad for leaving an awkward situation. He should be extremely grateful you turned up at all given his behaviour! Hope you’re OK OP ” Extreme_Highway_9614
Another User Comments:
“Girl, forget him he’s a total jerk!
Never communicated that he’s meeting her, spending time with her, and prioritizing her over you? Sounds like he wants her or wants to be single. It also sounds like all the friends in the group are either good friends with her or have been with her or did something with her.
Girl code, she should have made your partner introduce y’all and make sure you’re cool with everything but that girl did not do that! She likes the attention and will probably keep it up. In my opinion, I feel like you should dump him because he is prioritizing everything but you!
Also, I understand his friends being awkward with you but if they know you’re gonna be in his life and in return theirs they would have made an effort. I have dealt with your situation and the only way my partner fixed it was by cutting off those friends.
I’ve had a similar situation. Besides him prioritizing the partners being awkward I’ve dealt with it. I moved to live with my partner and I’m surrounded by all his people but I know I can’t and won’t get along with most because they don’t have the same morals as me.” Bitter_Top_1365
2. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Food With A Lunchtime Moocher?
“This is kind of a weird one, but here it is. This happened a while ago, but it recently came up when I was talking to some friends who weren’t there and they said I was being the jerk.
Usually, a group of my friends and I sit at the same lunch table at school.
Everything was great up until this girl I will call Lily came up and joined us. I recognized Lily from the band, but we had never spoken before. It was a way through the school year, so it was kind of strange that she was just now coming to our table.
That being said, we welcomed her to the table and things were fine for a few days. Then she started asking us for some of our leftovers. She asked for things like uneaten apple slices and the cashew bits at the bottom of the bag and stuff.
This was after she had just eaten her lunch. It was kind of strange, but we gave them to her. We felt kind of bad for her since we assumed there wasn’t enough food at home or something and never made her feel bad for this, but after about a week of this, she started asking for things we were actively eating/were going to eat.
She did this with everyone but mostly focused on me. If I said no, she loudly pouted and would whine and hassle me for the rest of lunch. This went on for about a week (we all still let her have things we weren’t going to eat) until I finally snapped when she kept begging me for an Oreo.
I told her I would not be giving her any more food and quit giving her things I wasn’t going to eat (don’t worry, the food didn‘t entirely go to waste, I gave the chicken-safe things to my pet chickens). My friends quit giving her food as well.
After this all Lily would do was whine and bother us for food for the whole lunch period. My friends and I told her to knock it off, but she wouldn’t. We finally just stopped acknowledging her. If she spoke to us we didn’t respond.
She blew up and started yelling at us about being bullies. We just didn’t want to be harassed while we ate our lunches. She did finally stop coming to our lunch table though.
An added detail: Lily would also go around begging for food during dinner before band performances(but left me alone).
The band parents arranged for food like Chick-fil-A or something to be brought before each performance and you could buy a meal. You could prepay for a season’s worth of meals if you wanted to. A parent saw her begging other kids for food and gave her a kid who quit’s prepaid meal pass.
Lily never used it and just kept trying to mooch off other kid’s meals. So I almost think she just lived mooching off other people‘s meals for some reason. She could have had her own.
I think I might be the jerk because I refused to give someone who was possibly hungry food I was just going to feed to chickens as treats me and my friends ignored her and acted like she wasn’t there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s not looking for food. She’s looking for attention. You all sound young so what she doesn’t realize is that she’s building herself a bad reputation. At some point, a parent is going to call hers.
At most, it’s a cry for help. But you aren’t qualified to help her so it’s right that you distanced yourself.” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because she never used the meal pass, it sounds like Lily is just doing this for attention.
There was a similar girl in my school who would pick up food off the ground and eat it or accept any food people offered her no matter what it was. Everyone thought the same thing, that she didn’t get enough to eat, but it turned out that wasn’t true and she just liked the attention she got when she did it because she thought making people laugh at her made them her friends.
If Lily continues to harass you and your friends, report what she is doing to a teacher. They will either get her the help she needs if she is being neglected or she will be so embarrassed that she backs off.” asphodel2020
1. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friends For Constantly Setting Me Up With Women They Know I'm Not Interested In?
“I (24M) was in a 4-year relationship that ended at the start of 2024. I haven’t gotten back into the social scene, and I have no desire to do so any time shortly.
Two of my friends (both 24F) keep trying to help me. I went along with it in the beginning because it’s nice meeting new people, but I don’t go in to start a serious relationship – which I’ve stated multiple times.
I’ve been friends with these girls for a long time now, and they’ve seen the type of girls that I’ve been involved with in the past, and they all kind of fall under the same type of looks and personality.
What I’m going to say next is going to sound vapid, but I am very fit, all my past partners have been fit.
They know this yet keep trying to set me up with girls who are severely overweight or don’t take that great care of themselves. I’ve started telling them I don’t want their help anymore, and to stop.
I went out to a restaurant with them a couple of days ago, and I picked them up.
On the way there they told me that there was a girl who worked there and she wanted to meet me because she thought I was cute. I told them regardless of what she thinks the answer would be no.
We get there and I am introduced to this girl who is the exact opposite of what I said I look for in women to my friends.
She ends up sitting with us the majority of the night because her shift is done, and I am just so fed up with this nonsense of them trying to set me up with someone that I feel like deep down inside they know I won’t ever be involved with, that I asked for the bill and paid the tab and said I had to run.
I smiled and said to the girl it was nice to meet her and I dropped all of them off at their homes.
I guess my driving that girl home meant to her that I was interested, because she reached out to me on social media, and they gave her my number so she messaged me on it too.
I got really angry at both of them. I told them not to freaking help me anymore, and that they know what I look for in women yet constantly try and set me up with someone who they know I’ll have 0 interest in.
Now everyone is saying I’m a jerk, saying how all I care about in women is the way they look, how I treat women who aren’t pretty like trash.
Dude, what the heck man, I never asked for any of this nonsense. They expect an apology for my outburst at them, and to the girl whose feelings got hurt in the crossfire of all this garbage after finding out I had no interest. How is this my fault?
AITJ? I just want to reiterate that I never asked for assistance at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re playing with you, for one of these reasons. 1. They are playing social experiment games on you. Since the women you are set up with are the opposite of what you say you want, your friends are trying to see what power they have over you.
They want you to bend to what they consider a good partner. 2. One of them wants to be involved with you and is trying to sabotage any relationships you may have” moto revenue
Another User Comments:
“Ntj They weren’t trying to set you up for your benefit or would only have suggested people you’d consider being involved with.
They were doing it to entertain themselves. Maybe women picture themselves as matchmakers when they have very little idea what they are doing, what they look for, or even what the other girls are looking for other than you are fit and it is easy to find interested girls.
Next time either of them is single, get your revenge by sticking them with someone way below their league.” thenord321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although I do feel bad for the girl they set you up with. Your “friends” led her to believe you would be interested. They are the ones creating drama.
But make sure to let them know you have zero interest in them helping you since they aren’t picking people who have similar interests as you do. You are looking for someone to go to the gym with you and maintain an active lifestyle.
I like to stay on the couch. A relationship with someone who wanted to be active wouldn’t work for me.” Tired-unicorn-82
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