People Wish To Understand Why They're At Fault In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Thinking That Having My Stepbrother's Family Over Is A Nuisance?
“My (33F) husband and I just bought our first summer home, and have invited my mother’s side of my family for part of the summer, this is my mother, stepdad, and 2 of my 3 stepbrothers.
When I called my mother to finalize dates, she jokingly asked if the third stepbrother was invited, and I used some choice hyperbole to say ‘absolutely not’. She lived the history alongside me so this was just a joke between us, and I never thought it would get back to him.
However, my stepbrother heard from his dad and brothers what we were planning and is apparently mortally offended that he and his family are not invited. My stepdad and mother have asked that he be invited ‘to keep the peace’, and I’ve told them he will not be invited, as he will disrupt any peace we’re likely to have on the holiday.
His son (6) is basically feral, and not allowed to play with my daughter (4) which has caused disagreements on previous family holidays. His partner is devoid of all manners, and the last time we hosted them for a Christmas she was both rude to and disrupted my staff, as well as trying to insist that my nanny watch her son.
My stepbrother himself cannot be left alone with animals, and as I will be bringing my cat to our summer home I don’t want to have to worry about her constantly. He is also loud and very volatile and while he’s not a danger to anyone, he does make me uncomfortable because of past issues.
My husband, while happy to abide by any decision I make on this, is very on edge around my stepbrother because he knows about the past incidents, and because of the way my stepbrother treats his partner and son. I feel bad thinking my husband might spend the entire holiday gritting his teeth over this.
Realistically, having him there would be a nuisance, but it’s caused so much drama in the family, with my stepdad and mother disagreeing, my stepdad’s ex-wife wading into it, and the fact that we’ll have to face them all at Christmas. I’ve received a lot of texts from various family members saying that he isn’t that bad and I’m judging him by past mistakes, and also that I’m judging him for ‘snobbish’ reasons.
I’m so worn down by it that I’m wondering if maybe I should just******* up and have him there. It’s only two weeks, and I, my husband, and daughter have three months at the house. AITJ for continuing to say no?”
Another User Comments:
“If you stand your ground and they come without stepbrother #3 + his family, you’ll hear about it the entire time and your vacation will be ruined. If you give in and let stepbrother #3 + his family come you will have to be on high alert the entire time to protect your child, husband, and cat (and yourself), and your vacation will be ruined.
Me, I’d uninvite the lot of them. Anyway NTJ.” roadtohealthy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if it was just for a weekend (2 days) I might have tried to******* up, but 2 weeks and your husband’s stress levels, as well as your own and others, would be through the roof. There is no way to be vigilant and watch 3 people nonstop for that length of time.
If others want to spend time with him, they can plan another holiday for them and him and you can decline the invite. Not to mention if something happens to someone how guilty will you feel for caving into others.” mede04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just putting aside everything else, if he can’t be trusted alone around your cat then he shouldn’t be there.
Your cat has a right to feel safe, and you can’t put them at risk. Your employees also have the right to work in an environment where they’re not being mistreated by your guests. Stand your ground, OP, or just uninvite the lot of them.” No_River_5476
25. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“In 6 months I will be marrying the love of my life Isaac. Everything is ready, clothes, food, venue, flowers. The only thing I need is someone to walk me down the aisle.
As a child, my dad was never present. He was always out drinking, consuming illegal substances, or in a holding cell. He quite literally up and left my mom when she had me. My dad was never in my life until now. He wants to walk me down the aisle as it is ‘family tradition’ and he walked my sister (who is 23 years older than me) down the aisle.
I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle instead. She was always there for me when I was a kid and helped me make my way in life. As well as this, her side of the family was always the side I spoke to, as my dad’s side of the family spoke more to Alyssa (my big sister) seeing her as the golden or favorite child.
My dad says that I will be ‘betraying family tradition’ if I don’t let him walk me down the aisle. I feel sort of bad as until I came along apparently he was a stand-up guy. According to my sister, he referred to me as a ‘mistake’ when out with her one day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t even think of letting this failure of a father anywhere near your wedding much less the privilege of walking you down the aisle. This dude calls YOU, his own flesh and b***d daughter a mistake and has the audacity to DEMAND to walk you down the aisle or you’d be betraying family tradition?
The only betrayal committed was when he became the world’s worst father to you and nobody on his side of the family tried to do anything about it to help.
OP, please don’t let this man anywhere near your wedding because all the justification you need is above in your post. Congratulations on your pending nuptials, and I wish you a happy life!” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and it’s always really concerning when people post stuff like this. Someone has treated you badly your entire life, you stand up for yourself once, and you’ve been conditioned to think that your father’s feelings are worth so much more than yours, and you are so worthless, that you must be the jerk?
Family traditions and societal expectations are also that a father will be a parent to his child, provide and care for them. Why does he get to act in such a horrible way and face no consequences, whilst you are guilt-tripped?
I’m totally on your side and you have my full sympathies, so please don’t take this too badly – but get a grip!
Stand up for yourself and do what makes YOU happy.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to really make a point, you could inform him that traditional fathers take care of their daughters too, and if he’s not that big on traditions (as his past behavior shows) you’ll be getting walked down the aisle by the parent that… um… parented you.
Enjoy your wedding, and congrats on having everything sorted in advance – father fussing about the decisions you’ve already made doesn’t change all the good work you’ve done getting it sorted!” AffectionateSausage
24. AITJ For Kissing My Brother On The Cheek In Front Of His Significant Other?
“My (26f) little brother (24m) invited me to come to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday with dinner with his friends, our little sister, our parents, and his SO. The dinner was super delicious, but since I didn’t really know his friends and SO too well, I kind of just talked with my parents and little sister.
I had to leave early and sleep early because I had a doctor’s appointment very early in the morning after the night of the dinner.
Before I left I gave my brother a hug and a kiss on his cheek and told him I loved him and said goodbye, and I went back home.
I woke up this morning to a text from my parents saying that my brother’s SO got really upset over me kissing my brother’s cheek and threw a fit at the dinner, and she apparently left the dinner early and hasn’t texted or talked to my brother since. My brother told me it’s in no way my fault, but I can’t help but feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The girl gotta learn to cope with her feelings. You’re his sister, you’re a part of his life, sounds like you have a good relationship with him. Not all siblings are that lucky. The girl might feel jealous, but acting jealous instead of thinking carefully about her feelings is insecure, controlling, manipulating behavior.” AltDogBarkBarkBark
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ! It’s best your brother got to see this side of his SO so she can be his ex sooner rather than later. A kiss on the cheek is perfectly normal and natural between sibs. Nothing to feel guilty about.” RobinsRoads05
23. WIBTJ If I Tell My Parents About My Cousin's Fake Accounts?
“My cousin (21F) has been making nasty hate accounts of my entire family for the past week on social media. I don’t know why she is doing this because nobody in my house has seen or spoken to her since Christmas. She made accounts of me (14F), my 7-year-old sister, my 2-year-old brother, my parents, my grandma, my other aunt, and my cousins.
I know it’s her behind it because she was using a picture that she took of my sister and her, and cropped herself out of it.
She has made fake accusations of my dad mistreating us, fake accusations of my dad laying his hands on my mom, accusations that my dad gets around, made fun of my sister for having Down Syndrome, claimed my brother is on the spectrum, called my grandma a bunch of derogatory names and said she has cancer, claimed I was on the spectrum and was using slurs and that I do illegal stuff and I had failed pregnancies, called my mom derogatory names, made up a lie that my other aunt was a huge stalker of a celebrity that she loves and is convinced that her kids are the celebrity’s secret love children and tagged him in numerous posts using pictures of her and her kids.
She is using everybody’s pictures and real names on these posts, she also stole videos from my Tik Tok account that has my siblings in them and is spreading those around with derogatory captions. I put my account on private and she made fake gross texts that were between me and my dad that never happened.
She is posting pictures arguing with herself on fake accounts posing as my parents and grandma telling her off. My parents don’t even know about this. I have been reporting the accounts and telling her to stop but she won’t. She says she has no idea what I’m talking about, it’s not her and I have no proof it’s her behind anything.
Then came the accounts of herself which I think was to try and throw it off track. Pictures of her that she only has. The hate accounts get taken down but new ones keep popping up doing the same thing. She keeps tagging random celebrities in the posts and using their hashtags. Which is weird.
Nobody did anything to her, we have not talked to her since Christmas. My mom hasn’t really spoken to her mother since Christmas either. I kinda want to tell my parents but she will probably keep denying it and keep doing it. I don’t understand why she’s doing it though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, tell your cousin that if it’s not her behind the accounts you will report it to the authorities and that the culprit will most likely have to suffer severe consequences for his actions as what they are doing can be considered defamation/libel/slandering which is a crime. Especially when she accuses your father of mistreating his kids (which could put his job on the line) and fakes evidence (the faked chat logs) to undermine her accusations.” selkiesart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, report all accounts and explain that these are hate accounts. Tell your parents, they may be able to call a lawyer and see what the course of action is for them. If she’s spreading this false information she could get in trouble for slander!” ProfessionalSir9978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Depends on your jurisdiction, but whoever is creating these accounts could be liable.
Tell your parents – let them get screen grabs, etc and the proper law enforcement agencies involved. If you think it is your cousin – stop communicating with her. It seems like she wants attention. Get the adults and authorities involved.” crbryant1972
22. AITJ For Not Allowing My Father To Meet His Grandkids?
“I (36F) have been no-contact off and on with my dad since I was 15. I am now married with 3 kids. My youngest child just turned 2 and has never met my dad.
There are many reasons my dad and I don’t speak. He had a terrible temper and is extremely self-centered. He and my mom divorced when I was 2 and had an extremely toxic relationship, often involving my sister and me in arguments (my mom has recognized this and apologized).
To this day, every time I see my dad, it often turns into a bash fest where he lists everything my mom did wrong to him/us back in the day (my parents haven’t spoken in probably 15 years).
We most recently stopped speaking because he is taking his stepson (20M)’s father to court to get him to pay child support, to pay for his college.
My dad never contributed to our education. My mom tried taking him to court over it when I was a teenager, and he did everything he could to not pay.
At one point he offered to pay me support directly, but less than the amount he was supposed to pay, if I would lie to my mom and say that I was getting the correct amount.
I agreed but then felt guilty and told my mom the truth, and my dad and I didn’t speak for months (which was devastating to me as a teen).
Ultimately my mom dropped her court case due to mental health concerns with my sister (likely made worse by stress from the court case). I went to my dad and asked him to pay the lower amount he had agreed to and tried to get me to lie about, and he said he had ‘recalculated’ and actually owed my sister and me nothing because he is disabled, he couldn’t afford it, and parents shouldn’t have to support adult children.
All that to say, I was very shocked that he was taking my adult step-brother’s dad to court over child support (apparently he doesn’t believe what he said about parents not having to support adult children!) I was also angry that he would tell me this without thinking about how it would make me feel, given our history.
So, I cut him off and haven’t spoken to him more than a text here and there in over 2 years.
My dad is very sad that I won’t let him see my kids, his grandkids, even though we all live in the same town. My stepmom (who knows our whole history) thinks I’m a jerk.
My dad also has lots of sides to his personality and can be a lot of fun. I have no concerns that my dad would harm my children or be anything other than a doting grandpa (and we would never leave him alone with them, so would make sure he is). My kids have amazing relationships with their other 3 grandparents, and I’m sure they would love my dad too.
The thing is, every time my dad texts me, I just feel… exhausted. I mean to reply and then just don’t, until so much time passes that it doesn’t make sense to reply anymore. I just don’t want to see him or have him around my kids. My husband also hates my dad and agrees with my decision (but would support me either way).
So, AITJ for keeping my kids from even meeting their grandfather just because I don’t want to see him?”
Another User Comments:
“Your answer is in your second last paragraph. Think about how exhausting it would be to facilitate regular or semi-regular meetings between your kids and father and how much emotional labor it will cost to sustain that type of relationship.
It doesn’t sound like your dad has changed much over the years. You will need to prioritize your mental health in this so you can be there for your kids too.
For what it’s worth, it seems like your dad might be taking your step-brother’s bio-dad to court because he himself doesn’t want to pay for his stepson’s education.
I wouldn’t take it personally. NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are under no obligation to allow someone who has caused you such hurt into your life at all! That extends to kids as well as if you take them to him, you have to be in his environment and deal with all the memories of him.
Screw him, so what if your step-mom thinks you’re a jerk… you’re allowed to be if you wanted to but this is not a bad thing.
He could be a fantastic grandfather but that might hurt more seeing him share that with your kids what he could not share with you. It would be very hurtful to see that and then to have to explain to your kids why you might be crying.
It’s not about getting even or wanting to hurt him. This should have nothing to do with him at all. This is about you and the hurt you still suffer from and it’s best that you do not see/talk to your dad and that unfortunately means he doesn’t get access to your kids. That’s absolutely fine.” Severe-Hope-9151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad, as you describe him, is a self-centered person who weaponized his kids during a divorce, failed to financially support his kids, has an anger problem, holds onto grudges for decades, and just emotionally dumps on you whenever you try to interact. To the point where just seeing his texts exhausts you.
If you let your kids develop a relationship with this man, they will love him (because kids will love almost any adult even if that adult is a total jerk) but eventually, they will get to be 10 or 12 or 14 and he will most likely treat them the way he treats you. With the dumping on them emotionally, the anger, etc. The relationships he has with your kids will likely develop into something very similar to the kinds of relationships he has with you and his other adult children.
Every moment your kids spend developing a relationship with him is a moment they could be developing a relationship with a kind person who shares your values and who will be emotionally supportive of them when they get older.
Choosing not to allow this man into your kids’ life is a perfectly fine decision.” mindful-bed-slug
What's happened is a consequence of his actions. He may have changed, he probably hasn't. You can forgive him but you don't have to forget what he has done and make sure that you don't get hurt by him again.
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom About My Son's Emergency Right Away?
“My parents & I are close & they love my kids, always watch them if we ask, help to make sure they have everything they need or want, etc. We live in the same rural town. My mom has cancer & doesn’t have much emotional impulse control.
We talk daily. My healthy 1.5 yr old son had a febrile seizure late last night while my husband was out. He’d never had 1 before, I was in panic mode as I was home alone with my youngest 2, my oldest was at my MIL’s spending the night. I call my husband, 911, & a close friend who’s a baby nurse & they are all on their way to my house.
By the time they arrive my son is still unresponsive.
EMS takes his vitals & loads him up in the ambulance to take him to a bigger hospital because our rural one doesn’t have any pediatrics if something was really wrong. They told me they thought it was febrile & all his vitals looked good but this was just a precaution.
My husband rode in the ambulance, I & my friend followed. They didn’t speed, no sirens flashing lights, etc. We get to the ER & they run a few tests and decide it was showing some symptoms & give us some Motrin & tell us to go home after about a couple of hours.
At this point, it was pretty apparent that he would be fine & was starting to act more like himself.
We get home at about 2 am & all go to bed. We slept in & I immediately texted both my parents a picture of my son & husband sitting on the hospital bed & update them when waking. I sent a text instead of calling because I knew they’d be in church but I wanted them to hear it first from me.
I receive a frantic phone call from my mom about 15 mins later & she’s in tears/upset.
She asks me if he’s OK & then goes on ‘You should have told me sooner! You should have told me my baby was hurt sooner, that’s just not right!’ & a couple of other hurried things to which I responded something along the lines of once I realized he was going to be fine & there wasn’t any reason to call you at 1 in the morning & make you worried because there wasn’t anything she could do anyway.
We had it under control. She then hangs up on me after a couple more you should have told me sooner.
She texted me once to check on my son and almost immediately after I receive a text from my cousin who I have not told anything about checking on my son and asking how he was.
I tell her & my mom he is almost back to normal & then I text mom & ask who she had told because we haven’t told anyone other than my parents & I was receiving texts about him. She kind of acts offended & doesn’t respond. I send her another message saying I wasn’t trying to keep her out of the loop I just didn’t contact her before I fell asleep.
I talked to my youngest sister who still lives with them & she said my mom was saying it was just unacceptable & was still in tears. I texted my dad & asked if he was mad at me too, & my other sister. None of them have responded. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a grandmother. My children live nearby with their families, and we are all very close. I would not expect a call in the middle of the night unless I could do something to help or they needed me. You were reasonable and considerate not to wake them when there was nothing they could do to help.
Your mother is overreacting.” nannylive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to learn some boundaries. Your child is not ‘her baby,’ he’s yours. You guys may be very close but it’s time to make some strict guidelines surrounding acceptable and unacceptable levels of involvement.” bartsca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Completely reasonable to wait until the next day, you’d have more information to share anyway.
And from the sound of it she’d be freaking out like crazy every two seconds, so you saved her a lot of worries. The only way you might be the jerk is if you never told her at all (given the circumstances).” Few-Cookie9298
20. AITJ For Saying No To Changing The Litter?
“My partner and I moved in together 4 months ago. We have an agreement on how we split the chores. I (27F) prepare our meals every night, grocery shop, and do a deep cleaning of our space on the weekends. He (M28) washes the dishes after we eat dinner, takes out the trash, and does laundry 1x out of a week.
Now here is the problem – he wants to split the responsibility of taking out the trash, specifically our pet’s litter.
I explained to him clearing out the litter is a part of taking out the trash and I don’t want to split that responsibility because none of my responsibilities are being split. He argues that he tends to forget and the litter build-up is nasty and smelly – I have a compromised sense of smell by the way over a year ago.
Anyways, he says that when I get home I should go look in the litter box and change the litter if need be because he forgets. I suggested that he puts a daily alarm on his phone to change the litter daily so that way he won’t forget and that way he always fulfills the role of his responsibility.
He doesn’t think that’s a good solution. We got into an argument because I was firm on saying that I will not change the litter because I don’t want to start a learned helplessness role where just because he forgets I add more to my plate. I suggested that I will put a timer on my phone so that I can remind him to change the litter.
He got really upset and said that I am being lazy and inconsiderate to our house by allowing it to smell.
Also, he has been complaining that I do not do enough or pull my weight in the home. Which I personally think I do on a day-to-day. We’ve talked about it and always butt heads about the matter.
I suggested that we do a week ‘walk in my shoes’ and completely switch roles of our day-to-day tasks. It has been literally day 1 and he says that he is only going to ‘keep this going for 3 days’ because it’s too much, yet he still feels that I can do more on a day-to-day basis.
Is this normal? AITJ for saying no to changing the litter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would repeat the following verbatim as a response, and the only response:
‘With the time and energy it takes for YOU to argue with ME about attending to the litterbox, YOU could have been done with it by now.’ He’s acting like a petulant nine-year-old.
It takes a minute to scoop out cat poo and the clumped litter if it’s done every day.” Mothergoose93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is the typical nonsense that lazy roommates usually pull. The I tend to forget I’m not qualified or as good at cleaning, etc. Just a lame excuse to not complete their end of the bargain and agreement.
Remind him he is an adult and needs to work out his duties, as you do your own. And don’t cede anything because then he will leave it to you, that’s also a super typical occurrence with lazy roommates.” Anxiety-Tough
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not forgetting to do the litter, he just doesn’t want to do it.
And giving up on the switched tasks presumably before the weekend deep clean shows that the tasks can’t be divided that unfairly. Maybe you both can reorganize all the chores if you are willing to do the litter in exchange for him doing something else. But if you give in on this in no time you will be doing everything.” Naryan17
19. AITJ For Giving My Dad The Silent Treatment?
“I can say this with confidence. I do not love my father. I’ve always debated this for years. He’s a narcissistic jerk with a god complex and I have come to the conclusion that I will never meet his standards.
This morning I realized how nuts he is. My partner and I are long-distance and he came to visit me and meet my family for the first time.
We’ve been together for almost 2 years. The whole week went fine, my father seemed to like him a lot. But he completely changed the last morning my partner would be with us.
My partner’s plane was departing at 9 am, we live about an hour and thirty minutes from the airport. My father offered one of his employees to give him a ride at 7 am.
That was too late so I let my father know my friend would be taking him instead. I texted him the night before then when I got home I told him about the change of plans. He said okay sounds good, he asked me what time we were leaving and I told him 5 am.
The morning of I left my house @ 4:30 am.
I had to take my dog over to a neighbor and went to pick up my partner from where he was staying. Had to get gas, and pick up my friend. At 5 am he called me screaming demanding to know my location. I was honestly scared and worried that something bad had happened so I told him.
He arrived at the gas station we were at and forced my partner to go in his vehicle and was screaming at him for what felt like hours.
I was mad. Then it was my turn, he started screaming at me saying my partner was no man for canceling on him and how trashy that was.
How my partner wanted to control me and how that’s not how it works in his house. I then informed him that the change of plans was my idea because I wanted to say goodbye at the airport. Then he said I wasn’t allowed to drive him to the airport. Then he said he would be following us to pump gas, to my friend’s house, and to the airport.
Then he proceeded to yell at me for leaving 30 minutes before I said I was. (This was wild to me because he always said it was nice that I was always on time and before the time.) Then he brought up a joke that my SO said on Monday about how if I ate Taco Bell every day I would probably get big.
He said that was disrespectful. I also find it funny coming from the person who body-shamed me all through middle school and high school. The argument ended by saying I was tired of him and regretted moving back home. He then said ‘wow is that how you really feel? That hurt badly’ and then drove away.
Am I being the jerk for not being on speaking terms with him? My mom says I’m taking this too seriously.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The man is clearly controlling, the same thing happened with me and my dad while I was just talking to a guy. He came to drive up, yelling at me to get in the car, and proceed to berate me on the way home.
I didn’t say a word to him the rest of the day and week. Drove him nuts. I say keep the silent treatment up for a long time. Screw him and his crazy butt.” Bellefora
Another User Comments:
“You are an adult so he doesn’t need to know your location at all times. Your partner seemed to be just joking.
A lot of us say stuff like this. I don’t think you are the jerk, but I think you should try to maybe talk to your dad about it.” kreya99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother said you are taking this too seriously?! WHAT?! Is she DELUSIONAL?! SHE was not subjected to this tirade!
Move out as soon as you can. This is absolutely crazy!” User
18. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Grandma?
“My (25M) fiance (32F) is a beautician/hairstylist, and thus she normally likes to wear her hair in all kinds of different ways.
It’s honestly fun to watch what she does to herself because it’s always going to be exactly the way she wants it, and she’s usually pretty happy with it.
This past Sunday, we went to my grandma’s house for Easter. It was a fairly simple day, and there are no kids in our family so there was no egg hunt, but we each got a cupcake from the local bakery.
My fiance happened to cut her hair the previous night, and let me tell you, her hair is nearly shaved. Not all the way, but close. She cut it in like a little mohawk, which I don’t know why but apparently she really likes it. I think it’s cute too.
Grandma however had a different opinion.
She started making comments about her hair that sounded like she was making a joke, but she’s always had the tendency to compliment you and try to make you laugh when really, she’s criticizing you. She called her hair ‘boyish’. Probably the comment that made us both mad was when she suggested ‘that hair might make a lesbian tremble’.
Now, I personally never think to judge anybody by the way they look. Gay women wear their hair long all the time, but it’s apparently still a stereotype. I told grandma that if she was gay, my fiance wouldn’t even be here with us calling herself my future wife anyway, or something to that degree, but she just laughed it off.
We both excused ourselves and went home, and my fiance asked me if I thought she should grow out her hair again using supplements, and I told her that she should do whatever she wants. But after she went to bed, I sent a lengthy text to grandma about how rude it was to make fun of her future granddaughter.
I tried to be as courteous as can be, but I might have been a bit rude at times.
Anyways, I got calls and texts from my mom, aunt, and uncle, and even my grandpa saying that grandma was just making jokes ‘like she always does’ and that I should apologize to her for making her cry.
I added that I’ll apologize when she apologizes to my fiance. Grandma has yet to talk to me and neither have any of my family, even my mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… grandma needs to learn her lesson and stop bullying people. Don’t apologize and if she ever even makes a peep of comment again that is a criticism wrapped in a joke then just get up and walk out… she’ll either get the message or she won’t get to see you.
Also… tell your partner that supplements can’t help grow hair and it’s a waste of money to buy ones that say they can. But her hair is probably cute as can be and she should enjoy it.” nancylyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were sticking up for your partner and letting your grandma know what kind of behavior you will not tolerate.
You guys sound really cute!
She was being shady to ur fiancée and she knows it! If your grandma really felt bad about her jokes she would be rushing to apologize to your fiancée! You made it clear you guys didn’t enjoy the jokes and commentary, especially since it made your fiancée feel insecure.” a8003d
17. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Teacher?
“I 16M go to class every day and try all the time to respect my teacher Ms. Alice 62F, every day she says something rude to me like ‘you’ll never do anything in life,’ and other things.
Nobody would believe me after I say what she says to me to them. Whenever I tell my best friend 17F she believes me and tells me to tell my mother.
One day I decided to tell her and her exact words were ‘I’ll talk to your teacher’. After my mother talked to her Ms. Alice began to hate me, she would always talk bad about me in front of everyone, saying things like, ‘You failed your test’ or ‘You’re getting more stupid every day!’ But I lost it when she said ‘Your mother is probably the reason you’re such a failure’.
So I yelled as loud as I could ‘Maybe if you weren’t so disrespectful your husband and kids wouldn’t have left you for another woman!’ and I walked out. I got suspended and my whole school thinks I’m the jerk for saying that. But my family thinks it’s okay, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
But what I would do next time is if you’re able to have your phone with you in class, I would record her class every day so the next time that comes up, you take that to the principal, the school board, whoever you need so that kind of bullying stops.
There are exactly ZERO reasons for a teacher to talk to a student in that manner.” Shankson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No teacher should ever speak to a student like that. Check your local laws to see if you can record her – see if you have a one-party or two-party consent. Being a school, you might even be able to record the classes as well to help you.
If you have friends that will corroborate this – go to the counselor or principal or someone and report her.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but bad judgment call. If that was all true, you would have been much better off documenting (via audio recording) everything she said to you. Let her be inappropriate & rude – all you would have had to do was present that to the principal/superintendent/whoever & suddenly the problem would have been out of your hands.” treetNext5958
16. WIBTJ If I Set "Decor" Rules?
“So basically, my partner and I of 10 years have unfortunately but amicably come to the end of our relationship.
The pickle I’m in is I wouldn’t be able to keep the house (rented) myself as the bills would snow me under.
I have a friend who would be more than happy to move in and split the bills which would be great!
Here’s the thing though: this friend has a LOT of ornaments, three of the large Ikea Billy Bookcases full, (and I mean FULL, no space on each shelf) from a film that they really love.
I am more of a ‘keep the main areas of the house minimal’ in terms of decor. I myself do have a few Disney items but they are all in my little dressing room area.
So my question is: WIBTJ if I asked this friend to move in but asked them to keep that sort of stuff in their room instead of communal living areas?
EDIT: a thing that I did forget to mention is my cat, he likes to climb (hence the minimalist approach to common areas) and a lot of the things this friend has are very expensive so it would be a worry if he (the cat) knocked stuff off of these shelves
Also need to see what the landlords may want as they may want to sell/do other things with the property too!”
Another User Comments:
“Cats don’t tend to climb up and down full bookshelves. I’ve had some very boisterous cats including some mental Bengals and they’ve left my shelves (same ones) alone, as they’re too narrow when they have lots of stuff on them.
Also, pretty sure you can get glass doors for those bookcases. Problem solved!
It’s a jerk move to treat friends like lodgers, which is what you’d be doing if you set the rule, for a place you don’t even own, no less. Shared space is about compromise. So yeah, it would make YTJ.” LipstickRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for talking to them, but keep in mind that if you split rent then they are just as entitled to the common areas as you. So the idea of letting nothing of theirs be in the common area feels unreasonable to me… I think you need to seek more of a compromise if you actually want them to move in.
If you ask them to move in and only then tell them they can’t decorate, then you would be a huge jerk. Talk and set expectations beforehand.” shy_ally
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if it’s a house-sharing arrangement, as opposed to a simple room, to INSIST on it. However, you are right to be concerned about the cat issue, and it would be best to suggest those ornaments be kept in the new roommate’s bedroom, or if they insist on keeping them in common areas, signing an agreement that they understand there’s a cat and that you are not responsible for any damage to said ornaments.
That said, when you live with someone else, and that someone else is paying to live there, you just don’t get to call all the shots. You’ll need to compromise and adjust, or find a place you can afford.” Cultural-Ambition449
15. AITJ For Remembering My Friend's Passwords?
“I am a minor (not specifying age), I go over to my friend’s house which is right next door to me.
I go over there a lot maybe around 4 times a week. We usually just play with the iPads and play games, however since I go there a lot and I’ve seen my friend ‘Denny’ unlock it a lot I kind of just remembered it, so for a couple of days I just unlocked the iPads myself, Denny was cool with it so I didn’t think much of it.
Anyways this really wasn’t a problem until Denny’s mom asked Denny if I knew the passwords to the iPads, He said yes and his mom got REALLY mad. I could literally hear her yelling through the walls saying ‘HE CANT COME BACK EVER AGAIN (inaudible words) WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM KNOW THE PASSWORDS?!?’ Like anybody else, I can’t really control what I remember and I thought his mom was cool with it.
Should I apologize? His mom waits outside for him after school around the exact time I go home so it’s REALLY going to be weird, (This happened like 5 minutes ago btw I just got home and heard his mom yelling) so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, some people just remember things but I’m guessing that the issue isn’t that you remembered it it’s that you were ever given that opportunity, unfortunately, many people reuse passwords heavily so this password is likely the same as to get into the parent’s other password protected devices/accounts.
This isn’t something you should do for this very reason, if one password is compromised now everything is compromised
But back to you, in most cases, an apology won’t hurt things even if it doesn’t change what happens. An apology will go a long way to at least letting them know that you were unaware you stepped over a boundary and won’t let it happen again, and hopefully make things far less awkward.” Bonzi34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If someone makes information available to you it’s easy to remember. If his mom had a concern about it then she should have asked him to make sure you didn’t get the passwords. Once she found out you knew she should have just changed the passwords and told Denny to make sure you didn’t see them again.
His mom way overreacted.” Ranos131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am guessing it is just the 6-digit PIN – unfortunately, that is a bit easy to remember. Apologize to his mother and promise her that you will close your eyes or something. Having that PIN allows you access to certain things which some people are very particular about.” crbryant1972
14. WIBTJ For Having My Neighbor's Car Towed?
“I live in an apartment complex that has garages. I rent a garage, that (unfortunately) seems to be somewhere that people will instinctively park when they quickly run into an apartment. Usually, this is an annoyance, just a few minutes wait until someone comes back out.
Lately, however, one lady has really made a habit of it.
She has blocked me in the morning while I was trying to go to work for about 15 minutes. When she came out to finally get her car I told her I was trying to get to work. She gave no apology, and just said she was moving the car.
That same day she was in front of my garage when I got back.
I was waiting there so again she knew she was in my way. Overall, she has probably been in front of my garage when I needed it 3 or 4 times in the last week. There are no parking signs in front of the garages, and it is in the lease to not park there. Am I the jerk if I just immediately have her car towed the next time I see it there?
Do I owe her a warning that I will have her car towed next time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think you can have her towed. It will need to be the leasing office or the PD. I’d call the non-emergency line for the police next time it happens and request they send someone out.
It’s possible getting a warning or ticket will be enough to get her to stop.” 1976Raven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for calling in for a tow, but the trick is that since she’s come out relatively quickly when you’ve found her car parked then the tow truck would have to haul butt to get there before she can leave – it’s not like you can hold her there, and if you call a tow company multiple times without there being a car for them to tow by the time they get there, they might stop responding to the calls altogether.
Any chance you can find out which apartment she is going to, and go from there?” Bobalery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But towing companies take time to get there and based on how long she stays it’s likely she’ll be gone before they get there. I would suggest reporting her to the apartment management and maybe they can discuss it with her.” Ranos131
Allow it to become an extreme annoyance for her. Let her call the police. You can then advise them that you are the renter of that space & she has been warned repeatedly not to park there but continues to do so. She might be eligible for a trespassing citation.
13. AITJ For Being Concerned About My Nephew's Online Presence?
“My sister, my brother-in-law, and my 16-year-old nephew live in San Francisco. I and my husband live in Las Vegas. We visit as often as we can and my sister and I text and call regularly. Our relationship has always been good up until recently. Last fall we got custody of my husband’s cousin’s son.
He was 14 years old. My husband’s cousin got arrested and his son’s mother was already incarcerated. We were able to have him come to live here instead of going into foster care. He and my nephew got along when we visited.
He came to me and my husband last month because he was worried about what he saw on my nephew’s social media and blog.
In real life, my nephew seems fine but on social media and on his blog he claims to have a mental condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. All he does is post about the condition. He doesn’t always post as himself. Lots of time he posts or makes videos of his altered identities. They range in age and gender.
Honestly after what I saw I was worried too. Some of it was scary. I have never seen anything like it.
My sister has never mentioned my nephew having any condition. My nephew seems fine to me but I am no expert on this kind of thing. I was worried because having a blog and social media dedicated exclusively to this condition with thousands of posts on both platforms seemed concerning.
It is the only topic he talks about. Watching a video of my nephew talking like a 9-year-old girl or a 60-year-old man was strange and it did scare me. I told my sister I checked my nephew’s social media as a way to keep in touch with him because we don’t live close by.
His blog and social media are completely public. I let her know why I was concerned because I thought as his mom she should know.
She got angry, said I was creepy for looking at a teenager’s social media when I’m an adult, and said what my nephew does is none of my concern. My brother-in-law also called me the next day and said the same.
My sister said I have no idea about parenting since I have never raised a child and getting custody of a teenager a few months ago doesn’t count. I didn’t mean any offense and if it was my husband’s cousin’s son/my adopted son I would want someone to tell me. We monitor his online activities but still.
My sister is livid though and insists I completely overstepped and have no right to say anything about what my nephew does.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — your ward was worried about his friend and you’re worried about your nephew, with good reason! If he has DID, that’s a really complicated disorder that could be seriously impacting his life, and if his parents don’t know about it they can’t help him.
If he doesn’t have DID, well, he’s lying in public with his name and face attached and that has consequences, like people being worried about you and talking to your parents.
Your sister’s and BIL’s reactions are weird. It’s not creepy for you to be worried about your nephew!” zelda-hime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re the kid’s aunt and your husband’s cousin’s son came to you because he trusted you and was genuinely worried, so you do have a right to be concerned because of what you saw. Your sister is the weird one calling you weird instead of addressing her son’s behavior or clarifying if he does indeed have DID or not.
I would like to note that there are a lot of people online faking DID for attention so he might be doing this as well for views/likes/follows if he does not have it, we have no way of knowing but wanted to mention this because it is a thing that is happening.” Ill_Scallion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but at this point, you need to back off.
Here’s the thing about DID: real sufferers actually cannot remember what they did/say as their alternate identities and are distressed/scared as a result. It isn’t organized like a series of social media posts where people consciously flip between characters and control who comes in/out – that’s like the #1 indicator that it’s fake.
Unfortunately, it’s a trend now for teens/young adults to seek attention and practice some creative writing by pretending to have DID. Social media attention is addictive and many kids you’d never think of as acting out will do so behind the safety of a screen.
You flagged it to your sister and she got mad because she realized exactly what it was flagging – sloppy parenting.
There’s nothing you can do at this point except mind your own business.
Your adopted kiddo however sounds kind and thoughtful, so what you CAN do is tell them (this may be a white lie) that you told your sister and now it’s in her hands. Nephew isn’t in danger to himself or others, his parents can call on you for help if they need it and adults are keeping an eye on his blogs in case something genuinely dangerous comes up.
But for now, they let the nephew alone express himself, even if it’s a bit disturbing, online.
You can tell your kiddo it’s okay for them to mute the accounts and teach them about social media boundaries. You don’t need to get into the roots of the whys and hows of the nephew’s need to fake stuff online, an adult passing judgment on that without all the facts can be really harmful.” mignyau
12. AITJ For Insinuating That My Parents Don't Know How To Take Care Of Pets?
“I (20) female live at home with my siblings. Back in November, my sister got a beagle puppy, and ever since I’ve been caring for her puppy. Walking him, bathing him, training him, feeding him, taking him to his vet appointments so on and so forth. My sister is only around for the fun things. So I consider him my dog.
At the end of the day, I don’t mind doing this, he’s a dog a puppy at that, and needs to enjoy life.
Same thing happened with my other sister’s dog Mika an 8-year-old mutt. I love her, I pay for everything for her and she’s my dog I practice grooming on.
So a couple of months back my mom and stepdad said that they were going to get a puppy.
And I thought to myself great a 3rd dog for me to take care of. The dog is rather cute I’ve seen his pictures. And met him in person when we went to see them on vacation.
Soon he will be here next month and I’m rather excited that the beagle puppy will have a playmate and that I will have another dog to love and practice grooming on.
I asked my mom as a joke ‘when’s my puppy getting here?’
My mom then said ‘what do you mean. He’s my puppy, not yours.’
I admit I should’ve stayed quiet ‘I mean Boston was K’s (25 sister) and Mika was S’s (23 sister) and now they both are mine. You guys won’t be around to care for the puppy, I will.
You guys will only be around for the fun parts.’
‘Well he isn’t your dog he is mine and stepdad’s so get that idea out of your head,’ that’s where the conversation finished.
Regardless of what they say I already know what is going to happen. He will at the end of the day be my dog.
Cause she or my stepdad don’t know how to care for puppies. I do know that all his responsibilities will be pushed onto me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s awfully presumptuous of you to think that your parents won’t be paying or caring for their own dog, and it was definitely a jerk move to say that to your mother, and you even admit that you shouldn’t have said anything.
You’re just assuming they’re going to neglect a puppy that isn’t even there yet, so yeah, real jerk move, no wonder your mom got mad.” Invisigoth2113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but leave it alone. This will become your dog without any further discussion. If you bring it up, they will just deny it. Thankfully, you are welcoming this puppy and do not feel it is a burden so, again, just let it be.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it hasn’t happened yet. Way to go putting a strain on their excitement for a new dog. If you do end up taking all those responsibilities in the future sure, but none of that has even happened yet.” Glum_Truck_724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially if a pattern has already been established. Also, I saw your comments that both your mom and stepdad are gone for work all day.
Puppies need attentive care, so yeah I can see this falling on you.” alleymind
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Quit Her Job?
“So my partner (28) and I (30) live together and have been together for almost 4 years. She recently left a horrible job and now has a medical scheduling job. She has worked for 1 week and wants to quit. I’m mad because she has a history of working a job for a little while and wanting to quit.
Her reasons are that the job is difficult and she makes mistakes. My counterpoint is that everyone makes mistakes especially when you are starting a new job. The work isn’t even that difficult just answer a call and assist with scheduling the patient. She wants to quit and do a transcribing gig (I say gig because it’s not a job but signing up for a website and taking calls) at most she can get a dollar for a job so she can’t earn a lot.
Am I the jerk for not supporting her quitting a good-paying job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she can’t pay the bills and you aren’t able to cover all and have agreed to it, she needs to stay with her current employer. She needs to look for another job while working so she is able to have a flow of money.
I recently moved to a new country with my partner, I had one online gig and then took up another since I knew the first one was getting to my mental health. Once I got a full-time office job I quit the first online job but kept the second so that I could have spending money on fun things and fill up some free time if need be.
Your partner needs to grow up.” Jaded_One7471
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to do her part or move along. That is unless you plan on covering everything. A transcription job pays less than a min. wage pt job. Unless she is hired as a W2 with set hours. Unless you’re willing to allow her to work for spending money.
I’d definitely advise her not to quit. You can always go over the bills and let her know what she will need to earn to cover her portion. Also, remind her bills do not stop because she does not like her job.” Trice316
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Look I get it, people have different stress levels, and people shouldn’t have to stay at a job they dislike.
But your partner is new to the job, is she unable to ask for any extra guidance or training on tasks? At some point, your partner needs to realize you need to hoist yourself up and recognize that there are bills to pay and food that needs to be put on the table. And if she sticks with the transcription gig then she might also need to get a second part-time job.” bupldupper
10. AITJ For Disliking My Friend?
“I have this friend, and to be honest, I never really wanted to be their friend in the first place. I already had a friend group, and they were kind of a loner in class. But then in 8th grade, they asked me if I wanted to sit next to them. I, being a people pleaser and too afraid to say no, decided to say yes.
I think my being a people pleaser also takes a big part in this resentment. I never want to say no to them, because I’m trying to avoid conflict and stuff. In the beginning, it wasn’t that bad, to be honest. Like they were pretty okay and stuff. The only problem was that they were sort of deciding everything I did, till this day.
They decided where we’d eat, which people we’d talk to, and so on.
There’s one important thing, and that is that they get mad super easily. Well not mad, but they take things very seriously, and it’s like they’re annoyed with every small mistake I made. Like if I had a different answer than theirs, they’d start acting defensive.
But then if my answer was correct, they’d just laugh it off and say: ‘yeah that’s exactly what I said haha’. They take some jokes very seriously and get a bit aggressive. But it’s not just me, because our mutual friends are also starting to find them kind of annoying and more aggressive than before.
I feel kind of bad though because they haven’t really said anything offensive to me. I feel like it’s just me that gets annoyed pretty quickly by them without them actually doing something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to for any reason at all.
That doesn’t mean that you have to dislike them though. If you don’t want to be someone’s friend, simply treat them like you would any stranger. If engaged, you need to remain polite in dealing with them and avoid being rude despite your feelings.” bolshoich
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for disliking someone but you know you can just stop being friends with this person and put a little distance between you two.
It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with confrontation but it might be good to try to start practicing saying ‘no thank you’ or whatever when it comes to spending time together and whatnot.” whiterice2323
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I have been in the same situation when I was still in school. I can only recommend you distance yourself from people who have a negative impact on you emotionally.
You should trust your gut. Don’t be rude or completely cut them off but take less and less time for them. Friendliness is going a long way but you really have to learn to respect yourself when you are a people pleaser.
Otherwise, you will be completely drained and sad. You will also hold a grudge against them and probably, either way, explode at one point or harm yourself with your behavior.
Trust me: there are a lot of nice and fun people out there and you will feel good when you are around them. Time to find some new friends.” So_le7
9. AITJ For Avoiding A Friend Who Likes Me?
“So I have this friend, let’s call him Bob, and I’ve known him for a few years. I’ve always been kind of shipped with him, and this one friend of his always teases him about me. I didn’t really mind at first, because I mean this happens to everyone right? A few months ago, I asked him if he had a crush or anything, and he told me that I used to be his crush.
I mean before this, he was already starting to be way more obvious. He’d stare at me while smiling, I mean every time I looked at him he was just staring. It was kind of freaking me out. And he’s pretty obsessed about his best friends list on snapchat and wants me to be in the top three.
He’d keep spamming me pictures of himself, or literally send me something every hour about how his day was going, which was honestly kind of annoying. And creepy.
But after his confession, I just felt really awkward around him, even when I was sitting 2 meters away from him. I couldn’t look him straight in the eyes anymore, and everything he did started to annoy me.
So I decided to start talking less to him. Answering him very dryly, like I was uninterested in everything that he said to me and did. When he’d ask me about my opinion, I’d say something like: ‘I don’t know’, or ‘okay?’ I mean I felt really rude, but I didn’t want him to be misled or anything.
I’ve always tried to act nice to everyone, and this is probably my fault. When people teased me or Bob, I’d immediately say ‘ew’ or asked them to stop.
But then a mutual friend of ours, who I’m much closer with, suddenly asked me why I was being so mean to Bob.
I suddenly felt really bad, I felt like such a jerk. I mean, I was just trying to show him that I wasn’t interested or anything, hoping that his feelings would sort of fade. This friend had told me before that Bob used to like me, and when I asked if he still did, he just made this very obvious face that said yes.
I did tell him that I wasn’t really interested eventually. I heard from his friend that he stopped having the motivation to hang out with him or do stuff anymore, and that’s why I feel like such a jerk. Now it’s just kind of awkward between us, I mean we don’t talk one on one anymore, only when there are multiple friends with us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re under no obligation to coddle an unreciprocated infatuation. You feared that by being nice you were leading him on, so you stopped being as responsive. He can’t help having a crush on you, but he can back off of it when it’s clearly not a two-way street.
Maybe you could be honest with him and tell him you don’t return his feelings, but then, he could’ve told you the truth when you asked. The reality is if a person makes you feel uncomfortable, then you don’t owe them your time. You’re not being mean by not caving in.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Not for being uninterested in him. You don’t have to be interested in anyone even if they like you. But how you handled the situation. You probably should have just told him directly I’m not interested in you like that. And then if he doesn’t respect your boundaries tell him you can’t be friends.
But you’re kind of in a weird in-between reaction that might make things more confusing for him.” Unicornsuperfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in this situation you have to stop all interaction with Bob. He has made his feelings known, and you don’t feel the same. For the good of both of you, you need to completely detach yourself because his feelings won’t change if you continue to interact, and he’ll likely think any interaction means there’s still some hope.
Eventually, you’ll become meaner to him and resentment will grow in both directions.” MDprivate
8. AITJ For Getting Frustrated With My Parents?
“I (16F) suffer from OCD, which means I have compulsions, and I know how annoying they can be for others.
I should also mention that I live at a boarding school, but I’m usually home on the weekends. Some of my rituals include: standing in the dining room and whispering a sentence or word 4 times (can be more), whispering the same sentence or word when I leave the living room or my room (at home), again 4 times, and sometimes I’ll whisper the sentence/word kinda out of nowhere.
Now my OCD is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, as I’m only on 2 hours of compulsions a day if even that.
Now for the actual situation, I guess. Every time I do my compulsions (when I’m at my house) my parents will tell me to stop and expect me to stop the moment they tell me to, and I’ve explained to them multiple times that their telling me to stop, is making it worse, and making me need to restart my compulsion, but they just get annoyed and are like ‘you should be able to stop’ or ‘is that psychologist even helping if you can’t stop?’, or ‘well the psychologist said we can interrupt’.
I love my parents and they’ve been really understanding and helping throughout the whole process of me getting better, but this is really annoying, and frustrating as they full-on expect me to just stop my compulsion and move on, and low-key get annoyed when I don’t.
Again, I know how annoying these things can be since I’m the one who deals with my compulsions the most. All my psychologists have said it’s alright to interrupt every now and then, but this much?
Please tell me, AITJ for getting annoyed at them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but let me ask a few questions. Do they really understand OCD? If you think they don’t quite understand, ask them to sit down with you and discuss it. Put them in your shoes, so someone they love is sick or gone… they are crying and you walk and say just stop it, how would they feel?
Because you can’t just stop crying. If they have been helpful in the past, I think the sit-down and talk to them route might be best.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who also has OCD, compulsions are not something you can ‘just stop’ doing. They need to understand this is a chronic mental illness, you don’t really get to choose whether it affects you or not.
Tell your psychologist about them doing this and how it makes you feel, I’d even suggest that your parents do some research to better understand the disorder.” Pristine_Spread_5724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and let your psychiatrist know this is happening, and ask them to write down instructions for how to handle your compulsions to give to your parents.” Aggressive-Life-7813
7. AITJ For Not Getting My Boss A Proper Diagnosis Note?
“On my way to work today I tripped and fell and hit my head on the curb, and vomited after. Naturally, I worried I had a concussion, so I went to urgent care.
My boss drove me because I texted her telling her what was going on. During the car ride, I was leaning over a bag trying not to puke in my boss’s car, and she told me she doesn’t think I have a concussion.
Well, I do. It’s minor, and I just need to get rest, but I did indeed get a minor concussion.
I have a work note, but my boss is mad because she asked for a diagnosis and a time of discharge on it and it didn’t have anything like that, it just said how long I need to be home and that I was assessed today.
I’m literally having anxiety attacks wondering if I should’ve just sucked it up and gone to work after or maybe if I should have gotten a better note.
So pls help AITJ?
Edit to update: It does bother me that people are accusing her of being a horrible boss from this one story. It makes sense, and what happened did slightly cross a boundary, but I want you all to know she is a wonderful boss. She is so supportive and understanding, I just have awful people-pleasing tendencies and anxiety.
I am not at all in trouble with my work, in fact, I believe her reaction was that of extreme concern rather than accusing me of lying. I have a lot of trauma in my life to where I myself feel like I’m lying even when I’m being 100% truthful, and I’m terrified of other people thinking I’m lying especially about work stuff.
My head feels better today and I’m back at work. My ADHD is worse than usual but other than that I’m alright.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your boss a doctor? You were diagnosed by a real doctor (I presume) with a concussion. These can be very serious so you are wise to follow real medical advice.
Tell your jerk boss if she isn’t happy with the note she can call whoever wrote the note and ask them all the questions she wants. I’m sure the issuer will be happy to inform your boss about what they are – and are not – entitled to know under the relevant law where you live.” zwergschnauzer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to consult your HR office. Is your boss even allowed to demand this information? Not sure where you live/work, but that kind of info is generally considered protected info. Your boss may not have the right to ask. If they do, it may only be under certain circumstances and for certain purposes, and there should be rules for protecting that info.
And, even working a clerical job with a concussion can be dangerous. All you need to be doing is walking down a flight of stairs to go to a meeting, or something, get dizzy and fall and then you’re right back in the hospital. Along with anyone you land on the way down. There are reasons you were told to stay home.
And it’s not just for your comfort and convenience.” Tolkien-Fan5336
Another User Comments:
“Concussions are tricky. The doctor can’t predict how long it’s going to take you to get back to normal. Hopefully, you won’t have any secondary issues, but that’s possible too. Tell your boss you can’t focus and can’t do your job, but that you’ll be back when the doctor clears you to go back.
You might want to let the often-dreaded and frequently-dreadful HR department know about this — that you’re under a doctor’s care and need to be cleared by the doctor before you can come back. This adds some CYA documentation to the files.
Let this heal. You shouldn’t rush back, because brain issues aren’t simple.
Take the time you need. NTJ.” vortexofchaos
6. AITJ If I Don't Attend My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother is getting married to a wonderful woman. They have been together for almost a year and I have met her twice now. Last month he was telling me about the wedding plans and how it is an adult-only wedding. I have three kids but I understand this as my wedding was adult only too.
The problem is that he went on to say that his friend was bringing her two children to the wedding. Her kids are two years old and four months while mine are seven, nine, and eleven. He told me that she could bring her kids but I couldn’t bring mine because mine would ask questions and be talkative.
I’m very upset that a toddler and infant are allowed to come but my kids aren’t allowed. If he thinks the toddler isn’t going to ask questions and an infant isn’t going to cry he is crazy. I do not want to say anything to my brother because I believe a wedding is about the bride and groom and what they want for their day.
I’m considering not attending but I know this will cause issues too. I spoke to my parents about it and they keep offering to pay for a nanny but that is not the problem. The problem is my kids are intentionally excluded.
Am I the jerk if I don’t attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine for a couple to set the rules for their own wedding, but they need to be uniformly applied. If exceptions are made, they should be rare and for sensible reasons (child is ring bearer or flower girl). Otherwise, the rules appear arbitrary and the exceptions look like favoritism.” shaney1968
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not too much, but just tips in that direction.
You’re considering not going to his wedding, but won’t even have a conversation about it first? That’s going to create way more drama than is needed, and grow any upset and anger, into something that could last a long time!
You say you understand his reasons for having a child-free wedding, which will apply to everyone else too.
So these kids coming are not about you, it’s about them. Them not attending will not cause any loss to you, but will to them. There may well be reasons for it that he’s not sharing with you – for starters, having a baby is much more difficult to find alternate care for. Perhaps the mother has PPD (Postpartum depression)?
Perhaps the toddler is finding it hard with the new baby and will flip out if left alone.
Talk to your brother about you being hurt, and also about the kids making noise (agree with you on that one). Solve this before you consider just not going.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just because your brother is.
Your kids, if they are typical for their ages, can certainly be quiet for a short wedding ceremony. Just talk to your brother and point out his hypocrisy. Weddings are boring for kids, though and if your kids can have fun on that day, take up your parents’ offer.” Avocadosarecool2000
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here-ish.
Yeah, please, do attend your brother’s wedding. It is a unique day for the whole family and missing it, for this reason, sounds petty. There would be other days to make a stand. Feel free to share your disappointment with him at the very least.
Your brother is a jerk because like another commenter said: rules apply to all or none.” Pyorth
5. AITJ For Helping My Friend's Partner Surprise Her?
“There’s this girl in my job, we’ve never talked to each other, till the day we discovered that we were studying at the same college, then we started a great friendship.
That was in February, and now we already are besties. Every day we have lunch together, we go to college together, come back home together, go out sometimes together…
Since we started talking, she has been telling me about her SO, that he didn’t know her, that he didn’t let her be herself, and that she wanted to break up, but didn’t have the courage
One day, her SO came up to me and asked me to help him with a surprise. She’s got a promotion in our company, and he asked me to take a gift basket and leave it on her desk to surprise her.
The point is: She HATES surprises, and I knew that.
But, I just answered him with an ‘Of course I’ll help you.’
I took the basket and left it on her workstation when she left for a while. And man, when she saw it and started reading the card he wrote, you could see the fire in her angry eyes.
She hated the surprise so much, that they had a fight, and then she mustered the courage to break up with him.
Am I the jerk for not telling him that she wouldn’t like it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, were you trying to break them up? That’s creepy. I would not want to be friends with someone who knows my wishes and then flagrantly flouts them because he just feels like it. Without your ‘help,’ this likely could not have happened at all.
Don’t let this dude embarrass your friend at work. She is not your ‘friend,’ she’s a woman you want to get with and are willing to be underhanded to do it.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t imagine anyone hating a basket left on their desk. It’s not like you stood by while he sent a singing telegram!
Your friend completely overreacted and I hope her SO found someone who will appreciate his thoughtfulness.” Maddie215
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You either like her yourself and calculated this to break them up. Or you don’t give a crap about her feelings and happily let her endure something you know she hated, for what reason?
You’ve given no reason why you would help this guy, or go out of your way to hurt your ‘friend’, so I’m going with – creep.” Original-Winter9334
The friend isn't 'ungrateful' or 'unappreciative' - one of her primary complaints about her SO was that he doesn't seem to know her well enough or appreciate her for who she is, and this choice of gift/venue confirms that. She is better off without a partner that she doesn't actually want to be with, period.
That said, other commenters are probably right to ask about OP's ulterior motives. Some folks are assuming OP is male, which is not my inference, but regardless of their gender this does feel a bit more "80s movie nerd believes all acts are justified to get the girl" than "good bestie looking out for a pal". OP needs to seriously evaluate their feelings, and make peace with the thought that their friend may go on to date someone else who may not be perfect for her, and that person may not provide a slam-dunk opportunity to be gotten rid of, and further underhandedness will be a lot harder to justify (either to the internet or directly to this friend, should she discover it).
If OP's endgame is to date their friend themselves, hopefully they put their cards on the table a respectful timespan from this breakup, and are truly prepared for either outcome. Friendships can survive unrequited affection, but not if people feel entitled to more (and especially not if they're willing to sabotage each others' happiness to get it).
4. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Dad For Not Wanting To Visit Me?
“My (25) dad (46) and I have a delicate relationship. We met when I was 19, and traveling to my home country, Brazil. Since then, we tried to get to know each other, he sends me a generous amount every month as reparations, and on every trip I take back home, he pays for the ticket. He has never come to visit me in the United States despite getting his visa and telling me when we met that he would eventually come to visit me.
Money is no object to this man. Earlier this year, I learned through my grandma, in passing conversation, that my dad, his partner, and his partner’s child (9), would be going to Dubai to watch my dad’s favorite team play.
I really was disappointed. I confronted my dad about it, he says that he would rather pay for me to come visit my family and see everyone at once than go to the US and only get to see me.
But this makes no sense to me because it doesn’t have to be one or the other, he can afford to come visit me and get my ticket to go visit the rest of the family later on. The very fact that he paid for a Dubai vacation for himself and a ticket for me to go back home proves that he has the money to visit me without keeping me from going to visit home.
I cannot clarify enough that he offers to pay for my tickets to Brazil, but I have never asked him to.
He speaks no English and has told me he doesn’t like being in airplanes, so this whole time I thought it was a fear of being vulnerable somewhere new… but Dubai is incredibly far, much farther than where I am, and he definitely doesn’t speak Arabic… When I confronted him, he said women are not satisfied with anything.
But if I was a guy I think this would still hurt me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or ‘no jerks here’. You have a delicate relationship with a father who was apparently not a father figure, and he clearly has a lot of boundaries about how he’s willing to have a relationship with you, but boundaries are not what you need to really let a DAD into your life.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to travel, it’s that he won’t put himself in a psychologically vulnerable position by going to visit you on YOUR home turf where you are the adult, and he might not even know this about himself, but he’s clearly upset you spotted it.” poddy_fries
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re 25 he’s sending you funds monthly & pays for your visits.
You can be upset he isn’t coming to the USA to visit but you don’t really get to judge what he spends his money on. Again you are 25 he’s allowed to plan a vacation for himself and his partner/child. Also, he’s traveling with 2 other people to Dubai, presumably, he’d be alone traveling to the USA.
All this being said just because he wants to pay for your trips back home doesn’t mean you need to actually go back home. It’s fine to put your foot down and expect him to make an effort to visit however, with money often comes expectations.” javabackedsecurities
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Though I honestly think, given your ‘delicate’ relationship with him, that your expectations are just too high, unfortunately.
And I was born in Brazil and while I didn’t grow up there, my parents and relatives did so I’m really kind of not surprised that a guy who hasn’t really been there for you for most of your life, flies across the world for what I assume is a soccer game
But either, as hard as it is, I would just try lower expectations and try to take things in stride.” Sushi_________Roll
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your dad sends you funds every month, you’re so entitled that you call it reparations, you get unlimited trips home… and you still have the nerve to judge how he spends his money.
This will be unpopular… but as someone who has traveled there, the USA sucks as a tourist, I wouldn’t want to go there again either.” andyinmelbourne
3. WIBTJ If I Exercise My Rights?
“My husband and I lived with his parents, we’ll call them Ann and James. So Ann and James never liked me from the beginning but invited my husband and me to move into the house to save some funds. Well last month, James decided to come to me, handed me an eviction notice, and walk away.
In my state and county, just handing someone an eviction paper is not the way to properly evict someone.
I talked to some lawyers and the police to double-check what I should do and if what he did was even valid. Everyone said no, and I still legally live there since all my stuff is there and I didn’t technically move out.
I’m on vacation as they said, and I can just walk into the house since I wasn’t served properly and it’s my legal residence, and if they refuse to let me inside the home I can call the police and they’ll basically force them to let me inside. Trust me if I had other options I’d take them but I don’t.
I’d only be there for a couple of weeks tops and plan on leaving. So, would I be the jerk for doing what’s legally right?
EDIT: Alright y’all, I said ‘I’m on vacation like they said’ meaning the lawyers and police considered it a vacation since I’m out of state.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have no clue why you would even want to move back there. They’re gonna be extremely petty and make life miserable. Prolly more worth it to sleep in your car and throw your stuff in a storage unit. You can find a place to live in a week no problem.” Outrageous_Sink_2976
Another User Comments:
“Legally permissible and morally correct are two different things. Just because you might be legally allowed back doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be a gigantic jerk to force yourself into a place where you’re so clearly not welcome. You and your husband need to find somewhere else to live. If you only plan on staying there ‘a couple of weeks’ you might as well just not go back.
YTJ.” sjsyed
What does your husband think of the situation with his parents? Can he see what is happening? What's more important is his response to this. I would want to move somewhere they can't find you and say nothing. And cut all contact with them.
2. AITJ For Getting Upset During My Kid's Birthday Trip?
“My daughter celebrated her birthday at a waterpark. We invited both sides of the family to celebrate and I’m not gonna lie, I spent a good amount for everybody.
For context, we are Asian and not in the US. It all started in the morning right as we arrive at the park. I had to line up at a different booth so I asked my SIL to line up where we can pay for a private room.
I gave her the money, and we met at the gate after. To my surprise, she chose a room near the kid’s pool, she said this is so she can look after her 2yo. This wasn’t what I had in mind (my child is 12, so I was thinking one near the adult pools will be best), but since I didn’t really give her directions, I just let it pass.
We got dressed and they were already nowhere to be found so I figured we’ll just go with my side of the family. It was going well and we actually enjoyed all the slides and pools and forgot about everything else. At 1 pm we went to the only restaurant inside the park to buy food.
30 mins in and the line wasn’t moving so I went back to the room apologizing that we might not get food til later in the day. The park closes at 4 so everyone agreed that we’ll just eat out after. With lining up, and waiting for food to be served, we might not eat until past 2 pm anyway.
This was a bummer cause of course we are all hungry too but figured it was not something worth stressing over. It’s the park’s poor management that we had to blame. We just went back to go on rides and enjoy ourselves.
At 3 pm, my daughter told me she was really getting hungry so we tried lining up again hoping that it was already much better.
To my surprise, my husband’s side of the family was already there eating.
Now that is the part where I cried. I know. It sounds petty. But hear me out – it’s my daughter’s birthday and it didn’t feel like they went there to celebrate with us, they treated it as if it was their little getaway.
I’m not even expecting them to buy us food, I will pay for theirs if they only informed us, it’s part of the day’s budget. What I was upset about is that they didn’t even remember us. Maybe just tell us they’d buy food and if there’s anything they can pick up for us? Or at least tell us the line’s already better?
I don’t know, I got really upset and I cried back in the room.
It’s again not about the money, but the ‘care’. There they are on the side eating while the celebrant was back in the room hungry.
It could just be my anxiety, plus I was tired and hungry at that point, but I can’t stop crying.
I am wondering if AITJ cause my husband and I got into a fight when I was crying. He said I’m in the wrong for expecting something in return for this trip. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t that, but my points above, but he wants me to just ‘understand’ because we are older than them (Asian, I know).
He’s also saying his family did nothing wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you paid for their trip and were going to pay for their food too and they couldn’t even let you know that it wasn’t crowded anymore so the bday girl could get something? It feels like they just used the opportunity for a free ride and didn’t actually care about celebrating your daughter’s birthday.” HangeDanchou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it is petty. You tried to do the exact same thing they did. Given your ‘I just let it pass’ comment about a woman wanting to watch her toddler in the pool, I’m sensing serious control issues here. Yours. You cried because someone else got what you wanted first. Not great.” PreOpTransCentaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it sounded like the day was a lot of pressure for you and I can see why you were upset. They could have texted you to say their lineup for food was gone if you all wanted to eat now.” Delicious_Wish8712
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At 1:30 pm, you decided and announced that people would not get food until some unspecified later time.
At 3 pm, you found that some guests had purchased their own food. There is no lack of care here.” no_good_namez
I think I would've burst into tears too. For your husband this is his normal so he doesn't see the issue. They sound very entitled and I would go as far as to say they may be narcissists.
I would not be inviting them again to something like this. Spend it with your side of the family instead. If your husband insists on them coming then he can issue the invites and co-ordinate everything.
What did the birthday child think of what happened?
1. AITJ For Ruining My Dad And Stepmom's Engagement Party?
“I am a high schooler. I am 17 and every day my dad packs my lunch.
I live with my dad, my stepmom, and my older stepbrother who my dad also packs lunch for. I don’t ask him and I have no problem packing it when he has appointments early in the morning or when he sleeps in, however, when he packs my lunch he writes a note on a post-it note or some cute little drawing and it makes me happy to see what he leaves me.
My stepmom found out my dad packs us lunch when my brother asked about the drawing my dad left. I guess my brother wasn’t sure if it was an otter or a seal. My stepmom was confused and upset and said a boy shouldn’t be getting ‘love notes’ from their dad. I told her it’s not because he’s a boy and I get notes also and they’re just small little things dad does for us.
My dad said also it’s not because my brother is a boy or because I’m a girl but because we’re his kids.
My stepmom said that my brother (her bio son) is 18 and since he’s a senior he doesn’t need to be babied. My dad asked if he felt that way and he said no and that he really liked them.
My brother and his mom argued a bit and I guess she told him no more notes because he stopped taking my dad’s lunch. This was like two weeks ago and my dad seems sad but still packs him lunch just in case.
One day I came home from school and my dad and stepmom were fighting and I heard her yell something about how we’re not kids and we need to grow up.
Since then they’ve been distant. Today when I was at school I got into a fight not physically with a girl in my class, just arguing and I started to cry because I don’t like getting yelled at. I really looked forward to his note and stuff but it wasn’t there. Just my lunch, so I texted him and asked if I did something wrong or if he was mad at me.
He said no and that he would explain later.
I asked if it was my stepmom’s fault and he said ‘maybe I should stop babying you guys. I didn’t realize how embarrassing it might be since you’re a junior and he’s (my brother) a senior’. I felt like crying even more because it hurt my feelings.
When I got home, it was my dad and stepmom’s engagement party. I forgot it was today and I completely blew up on her saying just because she’s miserable doesn’t mean she has to make my life that way. I said a lot of hurtful things and I apologized after but my dad said the damage was done and even though he didn’t do anything wrong, I felt like I hurt him by getting upset at her.
I’m not sure what to do.
I don’t hate my stepmom. She’s been kind to me before and this is the only time she did this. It just really bothered me because it’s something my dad and I had that didn’t even bother her I don’t think.”
Another User Comments:
“What a really odd thing to be angry over, notes in a lunchbox?
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP, because you’ve been unable to present your big feelings to either parent. What I will say is that there are likely bigger cogs turning behind the scenes that you haven’t been privy to. If you can, try to make sure you’re getting your feelings across to both parents.
I hope things get better for you soon. By the way, I think what your dad does is really sweet, letting you know he’s thinking of you. She’s probably jealous she didn’t think of it first. I will, starting in the morning, be putting p******s in my children’s lunchboxes.
NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“Tell your dad you like them and to continue them. He’s not a mind reader. Your stepmother probably thought that as a teenager you may not enjoy them and mentioned it to him. She may have made this assumption based on her parenting experience with her son. He made his choice and didn’t ask you or realize how much you like them.
You could have had a calmer conversation about this but during their engagement party was not appropriate.
YTJ and you need a heartfelt apology. Not just ‘sorry’ but an ‘I realize how inappropriate I acted and I am ashamed. I should have had a calmer conversation with you and told dad and you that I enjoy the notes and to continue those.
Will you please forgive me for how I acted?'” PuzzleheadedTap4484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom should have backed off the moment you and your brother said you liked the notes. For her to continue to butt in and argue about such a small thing that clearly means a lot to both you and your father is messed up and a real jerk move.
Sure, you could have handled it better as well. But there wouldn’t be anything for you to handle if your stepmother had left well enough alone. You had big feelings and you expressed them in a big way. It’s a shame it happened in front of guests, but mostly because that seems to have upset your dad.
But it’s your stepmom who overstepped here. She had no business meddling in this and causing an end to a perfectly lovely and entirely harmless little ‘tradition’ between you and your dad.” miasabine
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, your stepmom sounds terrible, but you got into a fight at school and are blaming the lack of personalized notes in your pre-packed lunch for your loss of control.
If you were 8, okay. But a 17-year-old should not be this dependent on having her school lunches packed. It sounds like it’s time for some growing up to happen.” Fabulous_Piccolo_178
I too would consider uninviting all of them.