People Want To Know What Went Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Leaving My Housemate Out?
“I (23 F) live at a uni house with 4 other girls one of which is my significant other.
We have this one flatmate let’s call her Lauren. For some back story, it’s important to note that before I and my significant other (SO) got together. she suffered a lot from drinking, as a result, she would have these breakdowns. Lauren would be there for her and cuddle her during these.
This all only took place for the first week or two of the university. Once I got with my SO, I told her all the physical contact had to stop, I view cuddling to be a form of infidelity, and the concept of them staying up hugging all night was really not okay with me.
Obviously, my SO wanted to spend her nights with me so would no longer stay up till 5 am cuddling Lauren. Lauren hated this.
I then found out Lauren was telling people I was only with my SO because she buy me things and other horrible untrue things. She then made a group chat with all our flats mates but me and my SO specifically to hurt us.
She told me that was the reason drank one night. I didn’t feel too bad about it because I had a lot of sympathy for Lauren as she had never had any romantic experience at all never had anyone fancy her, never had a relationship, etc. I knew she was projecting and hated any relationship so I didn’t mind too hard.
Further examples of this is side-swiping her best friend when she told her she got engaged, never speaking or acknowledging the guy or our other flatmate.
As time went on, she got worse and worse and worse. I felt like I couldn’t leave the house or else Lauren would be incredibly passive-aggressive.
She would complain about legit anyone and anything. I couldn’t even leave to room to go pee without her saying something about me.
Fast forward to this year, some stuff goes down and me, and my flatmates all start talking about Lauren and saying they all feel the exact same thing is happening to them.
Some more events went on and she violated our housing agreement I’d have to do another post about it but trust me it’s mental. Her mum even sent us all emails calling us horrible daughters and bullies and sent these to our parents etc. This was insanely strange.
Anyway, we’ve all decided not to talk to Lauren and just do things with us four. This is the happiest I’ve ever been since starting uni. Lauren keeps asking in the group chat to make up and be friends again with us all but I just don’t have the energy for it.
I’m so much happier and feel like I can control my life. I understand she is incredibly immature and insecure but I’m done suffering for it. I get that she feels excluded now but we are able to have so much fun now. After what her mum said I feel like we are being hateful girls but it feels like so much more than that.
So the question is am I a jerk for excluding Lauren?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mom’s response to this whole situation explains Lauren’s behavior. Does it suck being left out? Yep. Is she being left out entirely deserved? Absolutely. The rest of you are not obligated to let her treat you all like garbage.
Honestly OP, I’m proud of you and your roommates. There’s so much of this ‘be the bigger person’ rhetoric entangled in how young women are raised that it takes a lot of courage to stand up for oneself and you’ve all done it. Good for you!” amillionparachutes
23. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Aunt The Has A Niece?
“My sister (39F) passed away because of a heart attack. Her bio dad passed away at 39 from a heart attack as well.
He wasn’t in my sister’s life at all but I did some digging and found out about him and his family. My sister had siblings she’d never met, by choice. She chose to not connect with any of that part of her family. However, after she was gone, I felt it was best to let her aunt know to tell her siblings to get their hearts checked. Turns out she didn’t know she had a niece.
She asked for pictures and I sent them but I haven’t reached out to her since then. I feel I might have been wrong for reaching out that way and for her finding out the way that she did. I also feel that even if I was, her siblings needed to be aware.
AITJ for dropping this load onto their family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s existence may have come as a shock/surprise to her biological family, but that she passed away from heart disease at the same young age as her biological father is important information her siblings should know.
You’ve told them that if they want to contact you for more information about your sister, they will. You did a good thing.” Cultural-Ambition449
22. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Downplay My Symptoms?
“I (23F) have Crohn’s disease.
I’ve been waiting for a call from a new gastric specialist about a recent flare-up of symptoms. This one has been pretty bad. I’m not able to eat due to the pain. And anything I do eat has been coming right back up. Unfortunately, I think I’m pretty dehydrated too.
I decided to go to urgent care last night, they gave me strict instructions. If it got worse, I needed to go to the emergency room which I really want to avoid. Well, after trying to eat some of my safe foods today and trying to drink some Gatorade, it has gotten worse.
I vomited it all right up and told my parents I think I need to finally give in and go to the emergency room. Well, my mom asked if the doctor called back I said no, and then asked if I really felt that bad and I said yes.
As I started to walk away to change out of my vomit-covered clothes, I heard her sigh heavily and say ‘Well, guess I gotta take her to the emergency room.’ To which I said no you don’t I can go by myself.
I think I may be a little extra sensitive to these issues because I do sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be taking up space in the ER for my chronic issues but if I didn’t feel like it was absolutely necessary I wouldn’t go.
Anyway, I decided to hop in the shower and tell her to forget about it.
She asks why and I tell her because she made me feel like I was over-exaggerating and didn’t really need to go and then she said, “That’s ridiculous I immediately got up and was getting ready to take you.” And I said even if you didn’t mean to, it doesn’t mean you didn’t.
So AITJ? My mom would be there for me through anything I know that but her body language sometimes makes me think she thinks I don’t really need to be doing the things I’m doing.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like she was expressing what a pain it is to go to an ER, not minimizing your symptoms. It’s been my experience that unless you’re bleeding or yelling, you’re going to have to wait.
I’ve paid to go to an urgent care place that doesn’t take my insurance to avoid going to an ER. (I’m not suggesting you do this, I’m just mentioning it because ERs can be a nightmare.) The last time I was in an ER for myself was 20 years ago when I got thrown off a horse.
We were there for six hours. The last time I was there for my mother was five years ago, and we were there for twelve hours. I think you’re misinterpreting what your mom said.” ceilylou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe ask her how she feels instead of projecting what you think onto her.
It might be that she is worried about you and doesn’t know how to show it?
If this happens a lot you may want to you talk to your dr about setting up orders for fluids without needing to go to ER each time.” ActuatorTrue3742
Another User Comments:
“One thing my husband told me last year that stuck with me was that he doesn’t know how bad symptoms are for me so he doesn’t want to tell me what to do.
So it’s always my decision to go to the hospital. Don’t doubt yourself if you feel that bad. And you literally had a doctor tell you if it got worse then you needed to go to the ER.
You’re NTJ for telling your mom that. I mean, she did get right up to take you but I can understand how her wording made you feel like you were exaggerating too.
You need to explain it to her when you’re not heading to the ER because of a flare-up because right then tensions were high and neither of you was going to be able to sit down and have a good talk about it.
I hope you’re feeling better.” coxa8c
21. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Shower First Before We Share A Bath?
“Me and my partner sometimes like to share a bath together, it saves water and is nice to chill out after a long day. We’ve been doing this for a while and today there was an issue.
He started a new job which is physically demanding and the bath was visibly murky with dirt/sweat.
I asked him if he’d mind taking a shower just to rinse off before we share a bath again.
He instantly got angry saying he had a ‘list’ of things to deal with and that I only thought of myself (the only other item on the list being that I slept in another room last night as I was up very late gaming with my friends and didn’t want to disturb him)
AITJ? I thought it was a normal request but I’m starting to wonder if I sounded like I thought he was dirty or something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
WHAT NO WHAT GROSS. I hate baths anyway, this made my skin crawl. Ughhhhh just sitting there soaking in your own grossness… shudder.
Also, why is he getting mad? This seems like a perfectly reasonable request, as does your behavior last night. Does he get angry over little things like this often? Because that’s not great.” BogwitchOfTheBog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope you are safe. For him to go on a big rant because you don’t want to lay in his filthy sweat water is unhealthy, to say the least. I would strongly recommend couples therapy (he probably wouldn’t consent to therapy just for him) if you’re still interested in a future with him.” Embarrassed_Buy1101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like he’s overwhelmed with the new job and defensive about being dirty. But that doesn’t excuse him kinda attacking you.” possiblethrowaway369
20. AITJ For Going Out With A Girl My Friend Likes?
“I know this girl from the gym. I had no idea who she was at first, just a random hot chick at the gym.
Then one time, my friend told me about her and that she broke up with her ex a month ago, and HE gave me her Instagram account. Then I added her and we started texting, and we are basically going out now.
Now he called me and told me that it was a jerk move from me that I started going out with a girl he liked.
Bruh he literally gave me her Insta and I had no idea he liked her that much, she went out a few times with his friend group before, but I had no idea he likes her, he never told me. She also apparently told him that she isn’t looking for a relationship rn, as she recently got out of one.
Well, she told me the same thing tho, but we are going out now, and he also told me he made 0 moves on her besides asking her for her Snap and talking a little bit, even tho he has known her for a whole month.
So why is he mad?
To be honest, he would have never gotten with her, and he never told me he likes her like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not a prize or property, she is a person. Clearly for x reasons she was not into him. Honestly, his possessiveness kinda tells one why.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The bro code generally says to not do it, but if you didn’t know, then you didn’t know. But I understand why your friend is mad.” Xirdus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She apparently likes you better. He should have let you know he was interested ahead of time, not that it would have made much difference.
He’ll just have to move on and find himself another girl.” ChapSteve711
19. AITJ For Being Friends With My Friend's Exes?
“I, 28M, recently had a split from one of my long time friends (almost 10 years), 26M, because he decided that he didn’t like that I, and two of our other, long time mutual friends, stayed friends with his exes after amicable breakups.
Amicable as in they didn’t break up for bad actions by either side, just regular conflict stuff/loss of feelings. No other women or violence or anything like that. Regular breakup stuff.
3 girls, in particular, 1 which I’ve known since I was 14, 1 which he was with for a year, and 1 which he was with for 6 months.
I am of the opinion that my friendship with them is now independent of my friendship with him, and just because they didn’t work out doesn’t mean I have to give up a friend.
These continued friendships have caused him to break off his friendship with me, and two other mutual friends.
After the breakup of the friendship, one of the other mutuals leases ended, and one of the exes needed a roommate so they moved in together, and now other mutual friends are lashing out calling my friend a jerk for moving in with the ex and me a jerk for staying friends with them both.
Am I the jerk for staying friends with the exes and siding with my friend who moved in with one of them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If your ex-friend’s exes did nothing awfully wrong to him then the mature thing should be for him to acknowledge their relationship with you as an independent thing.
He may not like it, but he shouldn’t make you choose between him and them.
Either he thinks he was mistreated in a way in which you should refuse his ex’s friendship in solidarity with him, or he is being immature.” tatofeles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are adults and you can choose your own friends.
Your friend doesn’t seem to understand how adult relationships work.” Maxwyfe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whom you befriend is none of their business. It’s not like the exes were bad people and hurt your friend, they just didn’t work out.” otinanairebro
18. AITJ For Making A Joke About The Dog During My Aunt's Funeral?
“I (31M) had a great aunt who sadly passed away at the beginning of the month.
My extended family met up for the funeral this past Saturday. My step-brother recently got engaged, and while I had talked to his fiancé over FaceTime before, this was my first time actually meeting her. They also have a dog, which was originally the fiancé’s before getting engaged to my step-brother.
The day after the funeral, most of the family met up for dinner at my great-uncle’s house. My step-brother and fiancé brought their dog (the dog’s name is Milly) who I was also meeting for the first time. She was a German-Shepard, about 72 pounds if I were to guess. The thing I noticed immediately is that she had VERY large back legs proportionally and by extension quite a large rump.
This will be important later.
So I’m at the dinner table with basically the entire rest of the family, (we don’t do kiddy tables) and everyone is joking around and reminiscing about my late aunt and what have you. Given this light atmosphere, I thought it was appropriate to make some jokes myself, (apparently I was wrong.) Milly was running through the house, and I said something about how I couldn’t believe she could run so fast lugging that caboose around.
I got a light laugh, and my step-brother’s fiancé said something like ‘Oh don’t be so mean, Milly’s not fat!’ I thought she was joking around with me, so I responded in a hammy voice, ‘Ahh, but Milly’s booty is out of this world!’ And made an eye-popping gesture.
Got a less positive response with this one, so I tried to save the joke with other jokes, trying to bring it back. Now I guess the fiancé wasn’t as joke-y as I thought, cause she just didn’t respond to this, and the general table response was less enthusiastic than last time.
I think they must have just been afraid of offending the fiancé, cause there’s no way they couldn’t have understood what I was talking about with Milly like it was the FIRST thing I noticed.
Anyway, after a bit of awkwardness, the conversation moved on and the atmosphere went back to normal. The thing was though that for the rest of the visit, my conversations with my stepbrother and his fiancé seemed more awkward.
Now I’ve never seen completely eye-to-eye with my step-brother, but I thought he knew me well enough to know when I was joking around. If his fiancé gets this offended at a joke about her dog, I pray for their marriage.
Still, part of me thinks what I said may have been inappropriate.
AITJ?
EDIT: to clarify, Milly is fully grown, I would not have made the joke if she was juvenile.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If the joke doesn’t get a good reaction, then that means it wasn’t as funny to others as you expected or there was something inappropriate about the delivery.
Particularly given the vulgar subject matter (dog booty), it should not have been shocking that the jokes could get a negative reaction.
This doesn’t seem like the worst thing in the world and it doesn’t sound like you had bad intentions, but you evidently misread your audience and that’s nobody’s fault but yours.” *************
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s your grand aunt’s memorial dinner, and, while everyone is doing a normal grieving activity-reminiscing over funny stories about her life-you decide to do dog booty jokes? I’m wondering if the dog has hip dysplasia or some other kind of impediment that will shorten its life, and you’re thinking, ‘Good time to make dog-related jokes!’ Apologize with a handwritten card and a $25 gift card from a pet store.” jackstokesdenton
Another User Comments:
“Kind of the jerk lol. It’s not that dramatic of course but you went a little far with the joke about the dog. I know you probably didn’t mean it that way but I wouldn’t want people to say that about my dog. However, some people are truly delusional about how fat their dog is, and if it really is a concern bring it up to them personally.” Pixiespekje
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Mom?
“My (F31) dad passed away when I was twelve, leaving my mom alone with three children. She handled it by having a new partner quickly after and committing a lot of her time to her new relationship. Before moving in together, she moved to his place with our little brother since my sister and I didn’t want to go there (he lived alone, but if we all went to his place, my sister and I had to sleep on the couch in the living room), and when asked, our mother said he didn’t wanna come to ours.
My sister and I lived alone for weeks at a time and also were responsible for packing the stuff in the apartment before moving. When they finally moved in together, he didn’t like us children at all. He was dismissive and rude and didn’t want to spend time with us.
When he dumped my mother, she expected me to stay home and comfort her because she was very sad. But she found a new man shortly after, once again being away for long periods of time. We found support in our grandparents who let us stay with them during those periods, on/off for five years.
The last guy is still with her today, 15 years later. And she has changed a lot, being much more present and trying to be a good mother. I visit her once or twice a year and spend the holidays with her and my siblings. But I don’t confide in her or approach her when I need anything.
So now she is sad that we aren’t closer than we are and blames me for not trying hard enough and for holding a grudge.
I felt abandoned as a teenager and have tried to explain that to her, and I can’t change that. I have forgiven her and I love my mother but I don’t think I trust her.
I don’t feel angry anymore but I am annoyed when she accuses me of punishing her for mistakes in her past by not being closer. She has asked if we can go to therapy to improve our relationship but I told her no. I told her that I don’t need things to change because I am okay with how we are and don’t have the mental energy to work on it.
She thinks I am being selfish and is upset with me.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to ‘fix our relationship’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Maybe one day you’ll have the mental energy to want to work on your relationship but right now you are absolutely okay with how the relationship is, and that’s that!
It sounds like you are handling this pretty maturely. You don’t owe her anything more at this point, and until (if ever) she earns your trust, she needs to step back and be grateful for the space you are allowing her in your life. She could go to therapy by herself and perhaps learn how to make the most of that space she is given.” marshmallow4955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I want to say, just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you have to forget what they did to hurt you. People equate the two, and I usually hear that come from the mouths of repeat offenders, like they want permission to hurt you again.
Like ‘Oh, you forgave me, and you forgot the offense, that means I have a clean slate.’ It doesn’t always end up being that way, but the people I hear tell me ‘to forgive and forget’ keep repeating the same hurtful behavior with me.
I say this because your mother has a pattern of neglectful behavior when you, as her child, needed her the most. Based on what you said about what she did, putting your needs as her children behind her needs to be with a man, and leaving you alone or leaving you to be mistreated by these men, she’s very, very lucky to have a relationship of any kind with you.
She might have been lucky to get forgiveness without a relationship, but she lucked out and has a relationship with you.
It’s not your fault you don’t trust your footing with the relationship you have with her, it’s hers. She created the relationship she has, whether she intended it to be this way or not, it’s a consequence of her repetitive neglect of the children who needed her.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she burnt her bridges with you by leaving you alone for long periods straight after you lost your father. She fundamentally changed your relationship and did so for the rest of your childhood. You are no longer a child and she cannot put the clock back and rewrite the past. You do not hold a grudge, you just refuse to sweep the past under the rug and let her get away with playing happy families as if nothing happened without showing any remorse.
Blaming you for the two of you not being close and going along with her cleaning up her image, shows she is not truly apologetic at all. If she drains and exhausts you then seeing less of her would be a benefit to you.” User
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Ask Me First Before Making Me Drive For Them?
“So for the past 2 years, I have been driving my significant other and her family to their father’s grave on his death anniversary.
It is around 2 to 3 hours, so back and forth a total of 4 to 6 hrs depending on the traffic. This year it was decided that the husband of her sister would be driving them on April 24th but they decided last night that they want me to drive them.
They did not even ask if I was available or if I have prior plans and just assumed that I should drive them since it is just once a year thing.
I said I would ask my dad if the car is already fixed since I am always borrowing his van which I did and my dad said no, it still has issues. So I told my SO that the car still has issues and it was fine with her and she understood that I can’t drive them without a car and there were no issues.
BUT everything went downhill when I told her that next time she should ask me first if I have planned before deciding that I would be driving them. She got mad telling me that it was only a one-time thing and should understand since it was her father’s death anniversary.
To be honest, I have no issue driving them and I also told her this. I said that I am willing to postpone every plan or thing I have to do to drive them.
I just want her to ask me first if I am available or had prior plans before deciding.
She told me that I should just say if I am feeling lazy. I did say yes that is partly the reason. I just started a new job and I just want to rest on my weekends but, like I said, I am willing to postpone that if the car was working but it was not.
I also have important things to do on the weekends, it’s not like I am their personal driver to assume that I would be driving them without even asking me. Am I the jerk in this scenario? It’s really frustrating. Help me.
EDIT: Currently, I am blocked by her on every social media account and mobile number.
Whenever we have an argument, she always doesn’t want to communicate at all and this time it’s pretty worse. We’ve been together for almost 4 years now and things did get better compared to before but it still hurts me whenever she blocks me and doesn’t want to talk. It’s always her way of showing anger and I’m the kind of person who prefers talking rather than the silent treatment.
I don’t really know what to do and it’s been bogging me down. I can’t sleep. I have no appetite to eat. I also can’t focus on work at all. Ever since she has blocked me. This is the first time she blocked me from every possible way of communication.
The last conversation we had is that she doesn’t wanna talk to me and straight away blocked me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. That’s really awful of them all to just assume you’ll do it. Just because you are willing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be asked to do so.
Vehicles need maintenance, you should be asked and informed when plans start happening, as they can not happen without you supposedly. It’s absolutely crossing boundaries to just assume you’re ready for this task every year. As much as they hurt and you’ve been with your SO, it’s still not someone directly connected to your life, this task shouldn’t fall to your shoulders.
You are not a taxi and there’s a reason that’s a service industry at all, things just like this. They have all year to get a license and/or vehicle prepared for this and they choose not to.
This is a wonderful thing you’ve been doing for them but to assume so every time, is taking advantage of you, it’s disrespectful of them not to ask.
Getting angry for you asking this boundary is ridiculous. I deal with this boundary myself a lot. Stand your ground, your vehicle doesn’t deserve their abuse.” LiquidSillyness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is volunteering you for the job and saying yes for you, which is a boundary-crossing action. She is making assumptions about your willingness, availability, and having a vehicle.
She is showing a lack of respect to you, for not caring whether you want to do it or not, she just expects you to give her this time, and completely takes you for granted. She is angry because you are pointing it out.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, this is a perfectly reasonable boundary to draw — no one should ever volunteer the time/labor of their partner without checking with them first, ESPECIALLY with family, ESPECIALLY with high-emotion events like something involving a death anniversary, because it puts that partner in a horrible position with their in-laws.
You always end up looking like a jerk for saying no, even if you have a really good reason to say no because the commitment was made.
(AND it makes you feel better about saying yes if you’re asked first — you don’t want to be all grumbly and resentful the whole time because you were taken for granted.)” ViolaVetch75
15. WIBTJ For Warning My Friend About Her Partner's Behavior?
“Several months back I (M, 30) was getting lunch with my longtime friend Olivia (F, 28) at a Mexican restaurant when she got a text from Brian (M, 30-something), her partner of a few months. The text said something to the effect of ‘Ooh, you’re getting tacos? I like tacos.’ Olivia laughed it off, but I was slightly alarmed because the text seemed to mean either he was watching us or he was monitoring her credit card.
Either one seemed creepy to me but she let it go, so I did too.
Over our ensuing hangouts, it became clear to me that Brian wasn’t at all comfortable with us spending time together. We only connected every few weeks or so, but each time she would be getting regular texts and calls ‘checking in,’ all of which had the air of somebody who was monitoring her every move.
And if all three of us hung out together, he was extremely standoffish. Olivia again didn’t seem flustered or concerned by any of this so I didn’t say anything.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, she let me know that Brian wasn’t really comfortable with us spending time together, and said that we were going to have to stop hanging out.
OK, here’s the thing: as far as the relationship between Olivia and I is concerned, Brian’s 100% correct to want her to cut me off. We’ve known each other for about a decade and have hooked up together frequently in that time. I’ve been single for almost that entire period and I’m usually not the one to initiate, but I’ve said yes to her more times than not.
This has included a few times when she’s been in relationships with other people (not since she started going out with Brian). Not something I’m proud of!
If Brian weren’t a factor at all but Olivia had independently come to me and said, ‘Our friendship is making it difficult for me to maintain a relationship and we should stop hanging out,’ I would have been sad but would have admitted that it made sense.
But he is a factor, and I have my suspicions that he’s slowly getting her to cut off other friends too – several mutual friends have noticed Brian’s possessiveness and that he doesn’t seem to like any of Olivia’s friends; one (F, the 20s) who used to see Olivia regularly has casually remarked to me that it’s been months since they hung out.
WIBTJ if I tried to meet up with her to express my concerns?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t think you should meet up with her in person because if Brian finds out, that could be really bad for her. He would likely become even more controlling and less trusting of her.
That is not your fault but it is something to be mindful of.
Sometimes people in controlling relationships don’t see it until it’s pointed out to them, and even then sometimes it’s still not recognized. If you’re just looking out for her, definitely NTJ. If you’re telling her this to try to break them up, then definitely the jerk, but that doesn’t sound like the case.
She’s an adult. What she wants to do with this information is up to her, just like it should be up to her to cut ties with you.” TheWineElf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your concerns will not move her because she will see it as you just wanting to hook up with her.
The two of you have really complicated your relationship.
She chose to cut you out. You cannot overrule that.
What you can do is simply express to her over a text or message that you are sorry to lose her as a friend, but you will always be there for her if she needs help.
She may need that help someday, so don’t push her until she goes completely no contact and blocks you.” lotus_eater123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you come together with the other friend (F20s) and acknowledge the reason Brian may be acting off or concerned.
Maybe, if it’s not what you think, you could compromise and all hang out together?
If he says no, it’s more than likely his insecurities about your shared past than any genuine concern for her – because it would mean he wouldn’t have to worry about you guys hooking up as he’d be right there.” inkandlemonade
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She indicated she didn’t want to meet up with you any longer, based on her new relationship.
You respect that.
If you do not, then you are the jerk. Simple as that.” CaptainJeff
14. AITJ For Refusing To Eat Dinner With My Mom?
“I am a male and I hate the noise of people chewing. I don’t know why I can’t remember a time when I didn’t hate it. Most of the time I put up with it but my mom chews super loud and I just can’t deal with it.
She thinks it’s just me trying to be controlling of her because I don’t speak up to other people such as my dad. I and my mom recently took a trip to NYC and we went to 4 restaurants where I ate with my mom but asked her to get soft foods and she said yes.
When we got back to our hotel, she exploded on me about how I needed to******* up when she crunches food and how it’s her life that’s being ruined with this. I don’t know why I can’t just be normal but am I a jerk?
Edit: Let me clear up some things
My mom won’t let me wear headphones at a restaurant because she insists it’s rude.
She also insists on us eating together every night.
My sister has the same thing but she has a diagnosis so my mom will let her get out of family meals just not me.
My parents are divorced and my dad has a new woman and my sister lives with my mom full time while I go back and forth.
They have been divorced since I was 6 years old and I’m 17 now. I don’t see how this is relevant but it might be.
My therapist thinks I’m just trying to control my mom because I’m a kid and so much is out of my control.
I and my mom have never had a good relationship.
I talked to my mom about misophonia and she refuses to believe I could possibly have it because my sister has autism and she can’t accept the fact that she might have two kids with disabilities.”
Another User Comments:
“Wear ear plugs. No one will really notice and it’s a compromise and the chewing won’t be anywhere near as loud but you’ll still be able to have a conversation.
YTJ – let your mother eat what she wants. You’re young so you’re allowed to not fully understand yet but one day you will realize this was very unfair of you. Your mum saying yes in the first place has given you the impression you can act entitled and has herself not helped matters.
Just try to find some solutions and work on it. Therapy will be the best option but try earplugs if you can’t afford it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What you are describing is a recognized medical condition and something a lot of people struggle with. Your mom, on the other hand, is the jerk.
She can control how she crunches food and how loud she is when she chews, she can put in the effort to not be loud when she knows it’s something that deeply bothers you. You can’t change your brain or the fact that you’re bothered by the noise. Instead of being understanding and trying to make an effort, she was mean and disrespectful.
The comment about ruining her life was unnecessary and solidifies her as the jerk.” LoverV2
Another User Comments:
“I was diagnosed with misophonia and I 100% feel you. However, I’m still voting for YTJ. Why? Because it’s a you problem. The way you reason is super typical for people with misophonia, and I would seriously pursue researching this and maybe see if a professional agrees and gets you diagnosed.
If it indeed is misophonia, you are experiencing sound (and sometimes visual) triggers extremely intense. Even though it is your reality, it is not realistic to force other people to take your sensory issues into account. It is not realistic, because it is impossible. You have a problem, but that does not give you the right to police what or how people eat.
And believe me, I know how impossible that sounds because your body actually responds in a fight/flight or freeze mode and it’s nearly impossible to let it go and ignore it. I have been in a situation where I was isolating myself from social situations, at work, I could not share an office, and I snapped at my partner on a daily basis.
And I was FULLY convinced they were so loud, and disgusting, and annoying. Because I couldn’t control those automatic brain/body responses to my triggers.
After diagnosis and treatment, I learned how to deal with it better, and also why it is unreasonable to try to control your family/friends.
(And even later on I got an ADHD diagnosis, was put in meds, and I swear the misophonia is GONE when I’m medicated. Which apparently is not unusual).
As hard as it is to believe, they are not the problem and it will not be solved by trying to control your external triggers.
You have to learn how to deal with those triggers internally.
And in response to your comments that you couldn’t wear headphones at the table because it’s rude. You can. If that helps you through dinner, you can absolutely do that. It’s not a long-term solution, but it’s less rude than trying to control how people eat.
Also want to say I’m sorry you are experiencing this because I do know how horrible it is.” middleclasswhitegirl
13. AITJ For Not Including My Partner's Name In The Apartment Title?
“Me (23M) and my partner (24F) have been together for almost 7 years, we live with our parents and we are planning to live together.
We found a small apartment in a nice part of the city that is very affordable, but we haven’t made our decision yet.
The issue began when we were talking about logistics and she said that she can’t wait to finally have something under her name.
Now, the thing is that I earn a lot more than her (still, I’m not wealthy by any means) and we agreed that I would be the one paying for the mortgage and part of everything else while she only pays part of the bills and part of the food and she saves up some funds.
So I told her that since I am the one that is going to pay for the apartment, I only feel comfortable putting the apartment under my name. She blew up at me calling me selfish, that I’m already thinking about breaking up and that I want to leave her with nothing.
I told her that it isn’t true, that I want to grow old with her and love her until the day I die and beyond, but that a lot of people felt that way and they still ended up breaking up and I just wanted to look after myself. I told her we are not married yet and that I obviously would not expect her to give me part of her savings if we part ways, so it is not fair to expect me to give her part of the apartment that I would be paying for if we part ways.
She called me a jerk and now is not talking to me to fix things up. At this point, I’m just considering getting the apartment anyway for myself and if she wants to stay with me, she would be welcome to move in.
So AITJ?
Edit: I’d like to answer a couple of questions:
How much would you both contribute?
I would have to give a down payment of 8,000 dollars, which is a lot in my country, most people can only save that amount by working at least 2 years and not spending any of their earnings. Also, I would be paying around 500-550 dollars per month on the mortgage, food, and bills.
She would be paying around 80-120 dollars on food, internet, and transportation (she has to commute and I work from home).
How would the chores be split?
Well, our intention is to split everything 50/50 but since she is outside working most of the day, I would be the one cleaning and cooking most of the time.
She could do everything on the weekends but that would be tiring for her since she doesn’t have that much free time.
Do you plan to marry her and have kids and add her to the deed?
I’m personally not a fan of marriage, but I have talked about it with her and I decided that if I ever get married, I want it to be with her.
I don’t do it yet because of finances (I want to purchase the apartment and have stability) and because I want to see what it’s like to live with her first.
We don’t want kids, I got a vasectomy last year and she was on board with it. However, she has mentioned things like I’d be a great father or that she would like to experience what is like to be a mother and I told her that if she feels that way, we must break up because I don’t want to waste her time and have her resent me for that, she said she was fine with it and that they were just passing thoughts.
If we get married, I could add her to the deed or just sell the apartment and buy a new one for both of us where we both contribute. Whatever we discuss in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I get both sides on this one.
With her, she wants to feel like this is a partnership, even if she cannot afford as much as you can.
This would still be her place as well, and she wants proof of that. With you, you don’t want joint property if you aren’t married and paying a majority of the bills.
I wonder what she is saving for, if not for this. Just for the future in general?
Usually, people save in order to afford their first house/condo/whatever. Maybe a future wedding, or a car? What I also wonder is, once she’s done saving for whatever she’s saving for, and able to pay more of the bills, will she be on the mortgage then?
At seven years, I get her expecting that when are moving in as a couple with a mortgage, she’d want it to be in her name as well. And you not wanting her name on there is likely giving her a very uneasy feeling, even if that isn’t your intention.
It’s easy to read into something like that. But without that marriage, there should be some amount of reluctance.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – as I do see your point.
However – I see hers too!
As you describe it, she would not be paying towards the mortgage, but she will be contributing to groceries and paying utility bills (water, electricity, etc, etc) if I am understanding you correctly?
If that is the case, then her contribution allows you to spend a larger part of your income on the mortgage and grow your potential earnings from a later sale faster, than if you were alone in this.
This means she is helping you build wealth, which in the unfortunate event of a breakup would belong to you alone, even though she contributed to it.
It also means that if the worst happened and you pass in an accident, she would inherit nothing as long as you are not married, even though she contributed financially to your wealth.
You two need to think this through and find a compromise that protects both your contributions because nobody knows what tomorrow brings.
(Also not a native english speaker, so unsure of correct legal terms).” HannahDaviau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I understand your partner’s fear. I’m in a similar situation with my partner (he comes from a wealthy family and has trust funds, whereas I have a student loan and barely funds saved).
We haven’t bought a house together but my partner is considering to allow me to live there as long as I help him pay for it, but my name won’t be on the lease. The thing is: I also wouldn’t feel comfortable taking care of a home that is not mine but basically helping someone else make a profit over it (cause that’s what automatically happens if you buy a home and then sell it in the future) bc I also take care of it and keep it in a good state.
I think the best solution might be to see what kind of mortgage you can take on both your salaries, make a joint bank account off which the payments for groceries, house, etc are made, and put equal percentages of your pay into it each month and also put her on the lease.
I think, if you want to keep this from being messy, you should buy the home together, put it to her name as well and accept that you’re going to be paying in percentages of income, once she earns more, she’ll also start paying more. I think it’s best to start seeing a joint household instead of ‘your money’ and ‘my money’ once you start living.
Again, just to clarify, NTJ at all, I understand your point of view. I just sympathize with your partner as well because I understand your situation. Best of luck and I hope you will come to a suitable outcome!” Apprehensive-Pen-531
. You can get anywhere here to live for under $1,000 and thst would be in a bad area. Anyway I get your point and hers so you're NTJ but if you want to be with her you have to make sacrifices. Also I'm willing to bet that she will eventually want a baby and that will be a problem.
12. AITJ For Contacting My Estranged Aunt?
“When I was little, my aunt and I were really close.
She was one of my very first friends and we did so much together. The older I got, the less she began to come around, and by the time I was about 14, she was out of my life completely (I’m 20 now so I haven’t seen her for about 6 years).
She has two kids and I have never met the youngest. She’s my dad’s only sibling and my grandparents’ only daughter. I know she has valid reasons for not coming around our family anymore.
My grandma is quite obsessive and I would almost say emotionally abusive, to the point where it has bothered me in the past. I often think about her and how different our lives would look if she was still in them.
I don’t blame her and I also don’t know exactly what went down, but I’m 20 now and have been really missing/craving a relationship with my aunt.
My immediate family isn’t really close with anyone and it sucks. I’ve been thinking about finding her number and reaching out.
But I know doing this and possibly meeting up with her would really hurt my dad and grandparents, so it would probably be in secret. I don’t even know if she’d want to see me! But do you guys think it would be a jerk move to go against my family’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Send her a note with this thought from your post.
I often think about her and how different our lives would look if she was still in them. I don’t blame her and I also don’t know exactly what went down, but I’m 20 now and have been really missing/craving a relationship with her.
You were a child when everything went down, you aren’t a child anymore. Your family’s wishes may not be in your (or even their own) best interests. Establish contact, if it turns out to be good, you can bring up the subject with your family in small increments to see how open to it they are, if trying to contact her fails, you don’t even have to mention trying.” HCIBSW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the right to have, or not have, a relationship with anyone, on your own terms, as does your family. They choose to not have a relationship with her, and that’s on them. They cannot choose for you once you are an adult. You aren’t forcing a relationship for them, just for yourself.
It’s none of their business honestly. If your aunt broke off contact for health and or safety reasons, ask her if she wants it kept secret or not. Let her tell you what’s comfortable for her, and go from there. You also need to be comfortable with it.
If you guys can find a happy middle ground and are both wanting to reconnect, have at it. You have to live your life your way.” KaoJin-Wo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult. Your family does not have a say in who you contact. Send her a message that you want to get back in touch with her.
Make it very clear that you’re not looking to start drama or that you’re a spy for other relatives. Tell her that you understand if she does not want to speak to you.” Flat_Contribution707
11. AITJ For Favoring My Dog Over My Friend?
“So I (16f) am friends with L. She has minor dog allergies and hay fever but she has tablets for it which she doesn’t take.
So when I go to school, usually I wear a hoodie over top of my school t-shirt and a pair of black leggings. So I have a springer/st Bernard dog who sheds. A lot. Like she isn’t allowed upstairs but her hair gets in my room a lot. So as such my clothes are usually covered in dog fluff.
And it has never been an issue until now.
Recently, L started making comments about my clothes making her sneeze a lot, and how I should start wearing less hair-covered clothes to school. I politely explained that it was just not possible for me as my dog sheds a lot and I just can’t.
She stated that she managed it before her dog got put down and that my other friends with dogs manage it. I said as politely as possible that my dog sheds a lot more than her dog because she had a much smaller dog.
She then started texting me saying I was being a jerk for not at least trying.
I said that she has no issues with hugging and petting other people’s dogs and she should start taking her tablets if it bothered her so much. She said that she shouldn’t have to worry about taking tablets and I should just avoid the dog in the morning. I said that wasn’t possible again because the hair gets everywhere including in my room.
She said that I should be grateful that my house is big enough and start using that space to stay away (I have a 3-story house she lives in a flat). I said that I didn’t mean anything like that and I didn’t mean to offend her in any way.
She just blocked me and isn’t talking to me. All my other friends including ones with allergies to animals are saying that I’m being reasonable but some are saying that I should just say sorry and that I’ll try to keep the peace. I don’t want to apologize when she called me a jerk for having pets.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, fluffy dog owner here – pet hair sheds, it tracks, it blows around when there’s even a slight breeze or draft, and it’s more annoying to get rid of than glitter.
Your friend is being ridiculous with the extent of her demands. You have a large breed dog – much different than a med/sm/xs dog, there’s a lot more body for the hair to cover.
Honestly? Her looking for a fight with you over an allergy she refuses to take her meds for – makes her an entitled bully.
Somebody else’s medical issues are NOT your problem to fix. It is 100% up to them to manage their own health, and no one else.” dinkydish
Another User Comments:
“From your text, you acknowledge that you have a lot of hair on your clothes and you don’t seem to think that she is just being over dramatic — you acknowledge that the hair on your clothes is leading to her allergies.
Imma say YTJ (and by proxy maybe your household family members) for not keeping the place clean, keeping your clothes at least hair free with a lint roller, and I imagine that the dog is also not being brushed enough.
St. Bernards are huge dogs and springers and fluff balls both breeds shed like crazy. If you are bothering your friend by bringing this amount of hair and dander into her air space, you are likely bothering other people as well.” ISpewVitriol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have no control over her problems. You stated she has medication to take that helps her allergies, but she refuses to take them.
This problem is all on her! You don’t need to alter the way you live or have less contact with your family’s dog.
Be ready for this entitled girl to leave the friendship, she already packed her bags.
Complaining to your friends won’t solve this problem for either one of you.
Cut your losses and move on. You’re too young to worry about these things. Many people will impact your life, this one won’t.” Willy3726
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Use My HBO Account?
“Recently, my friend (22F) has been asking frequently if she can have the login to my (21F) HBO.
I normally skirt arou d the question and change the subject, or just ignore her texts, because I know if I say no she’ll be annoyed or upset.
It’s not the issue of sharing. I love sharing with my friends, and I’m a very generous person. But I already share with my roommates who don’t pay (which I’m okay with).
I don’t want my account to be a free-for-all for anyone who wants access to an HBO account. This friend also often acts entitled to things that I own (my dining meal swipes, using my house for parties, items that I own – but that’s a whole different post.)
AITJ for ignoring her/not letting her into my account?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ for not wanting to share. But I do think you need to stop evading the question and find a polite but firm way of stating that you don’t want to share or give out your login info. Your friend is obviously not getting the hint and if you want them to stop asking you should give them a definitive answer that you won’t be sharing.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sharing streaming accounts is a fairly common practice so your friend is not a jerk for suggesting that you do so. At the same time, you have no obligation to share an account with anyone else (especially someone you’re not describing as a family), so it’s hard to consider your refusal to be jerkish.
That being said, it may be in everyone’s best interest for you to give a straightforward ‘no’ answer next time she asks.” *************
Another User Comments:
“The ignoring is only going to work for so long. It will keep coming up. You really do need to just explain that your HBO is limited to those in your apartment/house and you don’t feel comfortable extending it beyond that.
If your friend tries again, stick with those exact same words EACH time. ‘My HBO is limited to those in my apartment/house and I don’t feel comfortable extending it beyond that.’ Then continue to change the subject if the conversation persists. No means No. NTJ.” BengalBBQ
9. AITJ For Wanting The Windows Open At Night?
“I (40sM) am a hot sleeper. I sleep without clothes but still am uncomfortably warm most nights.
I sleep much better when it’s very cool in the room. My wife Anna (40sF) on the other hand, runs cold and always has a cardigan even in the summertime.
We live in the American South and lately, it has been pleasant during the day (about 60-70°F/15-20°C) and cooler at night (about 40-50°F/5-10°C).
I am so happy it’s warming up because I love having the windows open at night and finally getting some good sleep.
My wife, however, is annoyed. I usually go to bed later than her so I will open the windows when I come to bed. She says the cold is waking her up and it’s freezing in there.
I understand it’s a little chilly but my argument is that she can always grab another blanket whereas I can’t take off more clothes. She says I’m being selfish because most people would agree that it’s not a comfortable temperature. I said she could get up at night and close the windows if she thought it was too cold.
She thought that was unfair because I am the one opening the windows so she shouldn’t have to wake up to close them.
This isn’t a huge issue and it’s mostly a teasing argument, but she does think I’m being inconsiderate of her, whereas I feel it makes the most sense and that we can both be comfortable if she just uses more blankets and I can have the windows open.
So, who is the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Lots of folks don’t realize that to stay warm in bed, your body has to heat the bedding and the mattress. If the mattress is surrounded by cool air, it’s constantly bleeding heat away from the sleeping person.
If you must cool the room to sleep, take responsibility for being awake to close the window once it’s comfortable for you, so the temperature stabilizes. And make sure your sleeping partner is covered.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m kind of biased.
I have always gotten too hot when sleeping.
And I just can’t sleep when it’s that hot. I have a ceiling fan in my room that is on every night no matter what season it is. I’ve always made the point that it’s far easier to dress in warmer clothing if you’re cold than it is for somebody that is too hot to cool off because there’s only so exposed you can get whereas someone who is cold can just add an extra layer or a warmer set of pajamas or whatever.” SavaRox
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, because I am entirely in sympathies with you. (I keep my window open in winter sometimes, I sleep so much better when it’s genuinely cold.) Also, I am a fan of the ‘you can’t put more on but I can’t take more off’ argument when it comes to heat versus cold.
But your wife deserves to be comfortable too. Maybe if you got her a heating pad or hot water bottle (seriously! They’re great!) for her side? You could do something nice for her instead to make sure both of you are comfortable.” BogwitchOfTheBog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fresh air is good for you.
She can wrap herself up, it is just habit. Or get her an electric blanket. My friend’s babies used to get their naps in their unheated barn when it was -10 C outside and about 0 (freezing point) in the room. They were well wrapped up and slept well. No problem.” No-Impression-8134
8. AITJ For Avoiding My "Successful" Sister?
“My (24M) sister (26F) is crazy successful at such a young age. She probably makes like way more than me and has a high rank at the company where she works. While I do enjoy my life a lot and have a decent job myself, I feel like a failure when I’m with her.
I think it’s a built-in thing since our parents have never compared us or anything and they’ve treated us both very well and has been loving to both of us equally.
My sister and I work pretty close by so she often asks me to hang out. For the past year or so, I’ve always turned down her requests to hang out and make an excuse and say I’m busy or something.
I don’t think I’ve seen her in almost a year or so. Yesterday night, I saw that I had a missed phone call from her, and she had left a voicemail. It was a pretty emotional voicemail. It was obvious that she was sobbing and in tears and she asked me why I kept avoiding her and if I hated her or thought she was a horrible sister.
I felt heartbroken and felt really guilty, and I haven’t called her back.
I know my sister has struggled a bit with loneliness and a bit of depression in the past, so that may contribute to why she was crying (although she told me before that she no longer struggled with depression anymore so probably not that).
AITJ? I mean I just don’t want to feel so inferior next to her since it honestly gets in my head and affects my own mental health.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mate. You’re NOT a failure. You’re doing great!!! 24 and you already have a decent job, and happy life… the only place you aren’t doing well is your self-esteem and the way this impacts your relationship with your sister.
Money and rank aren’t the only measures of success. You’re happy. Compare THAT to your sister – she isn’t happy. She’s crying to you. Does that sound successful?
Your sister doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you are treating her. Either tell her the truth so she can at least know it’s your issue and not hers, or see a therapist, work through this, and be there for your sister.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“Have you seen a therapist regarding your inferiority complex? Have you sought treatment? Have you spoken to your sister regarding this or are you silently letting her bear this burden of your distance alone?
I was going to go with a soft YTJ but upon reflection, I think there’s nothing soft about what you’re doing to your sister under the guise of protecting your mental health.
There’s an element of torture in what you’re doing to your sister, pulling away, putting emotional distance between you but without telling her what the problem is, making her think she’s done something wrong–letting her wrack her brain, engage in self-torture as to why her only sibling has practically gone no-contact on her.
If feels like you want her to self-sabotage in her career, then you’ll feel ever so much better about yourself because then your sister will be on YOUR level.
Book yourself into therapy and talk to your sister, explain that you’ve been pulling away because you have some mental health issues you need to deal with in order to be a better brother and a better human being.” Repulsive-Nerve5127
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Envy and jealousy are tough emotions. But this is your sister, and it seems like she loves you and you love her. That should be the thing you’re fighting for because that connection shouldn’t be lost because you’re grading yourself on some imaginary criteria.
But again? Not feeling good enough is a tough one to just shrug off. I’d say try talking to a therapist, and soon. See if you can address what you think is lacking in you and why you think you’re not as good as your sister, so you can have a great sibling in your life and know you’re great too.
That seems like the best-case scenario, yeah?
Don’t let the green-eyed monster come between you and your sis.” BogwitchOfTheBog
7. AITJ For Catching My Students' Dishonesty?
“I (35F) have noticed my students heavily using online resources such as Quizlet to get answers during tests. Several times I have reprimanded them for this to no change.
This time, however, I uploaded my own Quizlet of the test questions (with minor name changes where need be) and answers. However, the answers were all wrong and I made several of these to ensure they could find it if they chose to be dishonest.
It is to be noted I deleted these after the test was taken.
Several students who had previously been caught got an absolute 0 on their test this time. When explaining, they blamed their resources – and I knew exactly what they meant.
They failed as I thought they deserved however my husband disagrees and blew up when I told him what I did.
AITJ?
Edit: I have properly reported it, leading to them being allowed retakes, eventually detentions and one ended up suspended for repeated honor code violations.
As for my teaching ability: I am not perfect, however, I should note that several teachers have the same issue with these select students.
Another Edit: I specifically uploaded the Quizlet within a few minutes before the exam and deleted it afterward.
This wasn’t for them to study, it was to see if they were completely manipulating it.
I do make Quizlets and flashcards based on old exams and post them for students to use. I would never give study material that is false, my apologies if it seemed so.
I am also aware many kids can’t learn through memorization.
I offer games, and activities, and even ask them how they learn best. I also have offered to make custom tests with the reading excerpts being from their favorite books in hopes that this will encourage them on the test.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I think the open book is the way to go for tests making kids memorize stuff just to be tested on is never a great learning method.
I do find the Quizlet thing hilarious and there’s nothing wrong with what you did. They chose to easily find answers and use answers they didn’t know were right or not.” lordofthebuns17
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, you intentionally sabotaged your students. Regardless of how you spin this, you intentionally set this up so that way they would fail.
Second, there are many different ways this could’ve been handled. And judging by the edits. You are fully aware of this.
Third, you violated and perverted a commonly used study tool. To punish your few students. Potentially screwing over millions of other students who weren’t even in your class.
Students who used Quizlet to study. Many students use Quizlet to study other schools’ tests, quizzes, and study guides, to help them further understand and study for their own classes. Yes, you deleted it after the exam. But that still left time for other students to use the fake answers in their studies.
Your actions could even lead students to stop trusting Quizlet. Heck, your actions could lead to all your students losing trust in you. If I had a teacher do this, even if I wasn’t a student that failed. I’d never trust you again.
What makes it worse is that this wasn’t like it was your entire class.
It was a few select students. If it had been the entire class I could understand a little more. However, it was just 3 measly students.
This was the kind of situation which could make it break a student. And your actions here could very easily push students down a bad road.
You’re the teacher. You’re the role model you should not resort to underhanded tactics to teach a lesson. Especially when it could have repercussions for many other students. So while I understand your intent, you crossed a line.
Also depending on what grade the students are in, this is significantly worse.” Izrael-the-ancient
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I would like you to ask yourself how problems are dealt with outside of school. Most people Google everything they don’t know, and I honestly cannot think of any time in my adult life (post-college) where I’ve been in a situation that required me to just straight up memorize anything.
It’s not your fault for teaching in a way you were taught to teach, but that doesn’t make that way right.
In our current school system, I wouldn’t advocate for you to allow Quizlet as a test resource, but I definitely recommend the more open book and/or note tests.
This way you prepare them for the real world without getting yourself in trouble. It’s a major skill to FIND the answer to something quickly and in doing so, often you’re able to remember it. Just some food for thought. Overall NTJ though.” Queen_Latifah69
6. AITJ For Waking Up My Partner Who's Depressed?
“I (F21) was over at my partner’s (M26) for a couple of days this week.
It was early afternoon and we decided to watch Blade Runner (which I’d never seen before but which he had). He fell asleep in the middle of the movie and I kept watching.
When the movie ended, I let him sleep for about 15 minutes more, but quickly became bored. There wasn’t much to do on my own since I didn’t have my homework with me, he lives in a pretty isolated area and I’m not comfortable taking his car without asking him, especially because I am a new driver.
So I woke him up, in a way that I thought was playful but may have been a bit too much (I nudged him, and when he didn’t react I pulled the blanket off him and told him to wake up in a cheerful voice).
He was groggy for a few seconds, but when he became awake enough, he instantly got mad and screamed at me that I was extremely selfish and disrespectful for waking him up.
He said that because of his depression, he had a lot of trouble sleeping, and that he had only managed to get two hours of sleep last night (I was there with him but I sleep like the dead so I didn’t notice), and that this was the best sleep he’d been able to have in a while and I ruined it.
He then started telling me he was unhappy about some things I had done or said in the weeks before or attitudes I’d had, and then talked trash about one of my friends who we ran into yesterday at a music festival and spent most of the event with (I asked him multiple times if he was okay with her tagging along and he said it was fine).
I’m aware my partner has severe depression and has been struggling with it for over 6 months (he’s pretty disillusioned by therapy and hates the side effects of meds so doesn’t have those things to help him), but he hides it well a lot of the time so I didn’t know that he really needed his sleep.
I feel bad for waking him up but I was very bored and feel like his reaction was a bit harsh. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Red flags all around. I can understand him being upset that you’d woken him up (because god knows I get grumpy too), but for him to turn this into an entire session of ‘This is everything you’ve done lately that I can’t stand’?
No. You didn’t know he needed sleep, and he massively overreacted. I also have depression, but it’s not an excuse to bottle things up and then unload them in a fit of anger.” puerileclown
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He shouldn’t have blown up the way he did, bringing a host of other things into it.
But I think he was justified in being angry that you woke him up. That was very selfish of you. If you are old enough to have sleepovers with him, you should be old enough to entertain yourself quietly for more than 15 minutes. Why not watch something else? Or find something to do?
That was ridiculous, and I’m quite sure you know that since you deleted the post.” KaoJin-Wo
Another User Comments:
“I wanna say somewhere between ‘everyone sucks here’ and NTJ because all you did was wake him up, maybe a little more aggressively than you could have.
As someone with severe/long-term depression who also suffers from insomnia, I kinda get where he’s coming from.
It sounds like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed (couch lol) I know when I’ve been having trouble sleeping and then something wakes me up too soon I have a habit of going into this unreasonable rage mode that takes a lil while to wear off, my partner actually just got an earful because of that yesterday and he wasn’t even the one that woke me, it was my cat.
The problem here is that he hadn’t communicated to you that that was an issue or a thing that’s going on with him still. Yes, you probably could have found another way to entertain yourself while he napped but you had no way of knowing that was something you should have done because he hadn’t communicated that to you.
Perhaps just talk to him and explain that things like that need to be discussed beforehand so that he doesn’t end up screaming at you for something you didn’t even know you shouldn’t do.” Macarani925
5. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Go To Therapy?
“Sunday night, April 17th, my partner, 2 of our roommates, 2 friends of ours, and myself found our 3rd roommate lifeless in his bedroom.
For backstory, our now-gone roommate wasn’t very close with us as he was a foreign exchange student and didn’t speak much English. We would try to talk to him, but he chose to keep to himself which we didn’t fault him for. Well, Thursday night he came home while I was cooking dinner.
I offered some to him and he declined to say he ate before he left work. Then we didn’t see him for the next 3 days.
He didn’t have a car, only a black moped that he parked on the far end of the parking lot of our apartment complex so we rarely saw it.
He also left early in the morning and got back late every day, so we rarely saw him.
Well, our friends Tonio and Nico swung by saying that Cami’s dad hadn’t heard from him since Thursday and wanted us to check on him. We spent the next 2 hours trying to pick the lock and get in when he didn’t answer.
We got permission from the police to break down the door and there he was in his office chair.
We all cried and called his family to inform them of the passing of Cami. I then scheduled a last-minute therapy session for myself with my therapist and suggested that Nate, my partner, goes to therapy with me.
He did not like that one bit and said I was being insensitive to his grieving process. I apologized and explained that it’s how I am grieving and just want him and our friends to be healthy. I have been making chicken soup for all of us as my mom friend instinct has kicked in.
He instantly forgave me but I have been feeling all kinds of emotions from this whole ordeal, so was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Everyone handles grief differently. You are rightly concerned for everyone’s wellbeing. Your partner is likely reeling in shock from the event and doesn’t currently feel ready to explore those feelings.
You only have his best interests heard, and he has a right to process his emotions in his own time and at his own pace. It’s been less than 48 hours; no one would be processing this well in so short a time.
I’m so sorry for your loss.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but I understand you thought that putting pressure on them would be helpful I am so sorry you had to go through this experience of your roommate’s passing.
People need to grieve in different ways and it takes time. He needs space. But you can lead by example. Talk about how therapy is helping you there may be grief groups in your area to join too.
But just be a good example and often people will see others doing things and be more open to trying things.
What if I insisted that you needed to journal out your feelings or go to a grief group and spill your heart out days after the event? Would that be fair for me to insist that on to you?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Grieving is hard and differs from person to person. When you’re in the shock of losing someone, your emotions might be overwhelming and it’s way easier to be inconsiderate. You apologized when he explained his point of view, so it’s clear to me you’re not a jerk.
And neither is he for wanting to grieve the way he feels is right. You can ask him about therapy again if a long time passes and it’s clear the grief is still intrusive in his life, but until then let him do what he feels is right.” CocaCola-chan
4. AITH For Wanting To Distance Myself From My Friends?
“I (26/F) have had some old school friends since I was about 16, and have had a crush on one of them (23/M), we’ll call him T. Over the years the friendship group split.
Fast forward a few years and one of my uni friends (26/F) call her L, starts going out with one of my friends from our school friendship group (J). It meant that the two friendship groups came together and we all started to become close again.
On my 24th birthday, I invited all my friends including T and L.
Throughout the night I noticed that T and L really got on, almost ignoring me. I thought my intoxicated self was being sensitive but I’ve asked my best friend who verified she found it uncomfortable too.
Fast forward to 2020 and we all decide to start making Zoom quizzes. They were so fun but again, the continued banter between T and L in front of J made me feel uneasy.
Last year, I noticed that T started becoming really flirty with me, which I reciprocated. Turns out he wanted to ask me out and asked for the help of L and J in doing this and we began going out. He lives in another part of the country so he asked me to go up for a weekend.
He also hadn’t lost his v-card yet but made it clear that’s not why he asked me out. I went up and we did the deed and had a nice time.
When I came back, he ignored me for the whole week. In the end, he came down to my place to explain that he realized he viewed me as just a friend and ended it.
Whilst he’ll always say I wasn’t a scapegoat for him to lose his virginity, I don’t believe it. L even said he’d been a jerkhead.
I tried to be civil and said I wanted to remain friends and to keep doing the quizzes. That last quiz was HORRIBLE.
L and T had this weird flirty banter. I can’t remember the conversation but it was basically about how he liked redheads (she is one) and it mentioned her bras. I found it inappropriate especially in front of J who seemed fine with it.
I couldn’t speak to any of them for six months.
I muted all chats and didn’t attend L’s birthday. Nobody in the group seemed to notice I wasn’t there but all quizzes appeared to stop.
After receiving a birthday present from L, I FaceTimed her, she was going through some things and I’m not a confrontational type so I didn’t say why I’d disappeared (not that she asked but she did say she missed me).
Recently we decided to all do another quiz but it was just like it was before. This time I sent my housemate verbatim what was said as soon as it was said and she said it was very inappropriate.
Am I being too sensitive? Why does J not see a problem with it?
Should I just give up with them and be distant or confrontational?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can phase them out. Some friendships just drift apart.
But don’t worry about J. If he doesn’t see a problem with it, it could be for a reason. There are a lot of couples these days that enjoy it when their SO flirts with others.
I mean I personally don’t get it, but don’t worry about J is my point.” SordidMorbidCreature
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no one is forcing you to be in this situation – people and relationships grow and evolve over time, don’t lose any sleep over phasing these folks out.” KGB4Life
3. AITJ For Opening Up An Embarrassing Topic About My Brother?
“My (16F) bedroom is right next to my brother’s (18M) bedroom and as the house is on wooden floorboards, they creak very loudly. Now this means I can hear him every time he moves and I mean I hear everything. He’s had multiple girls for the last couple of years (you can probably see where this is leading to) and every time they come over, it’s very noisy.
Usually I just ignore it, however; I’ve been woken up by it on multiple occasions, and it even goes on when my friends are here (more of an issue a few years back when we were a group of 13yo girls).
My brother and I don’t really speak much so I never bothered to say anything to him about it.
However, last week my mum’s family and my brother’s significant other (SO) were over. I had been woken up at 7 am that day (not a morning person). His SO left before dinner and I took advantage of the situation by mentioning to my brother, in front of the family, that I can hear him when he moves because his bed is on a creaky floorboard.
I then said ‘like this morning when (his SO) was here it was going: and then I proceeded to mimic the creaky noises. Most of the family just laughed and joked with my brother about it, but he was annoyed and left dinner. He hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ for embarrassing him like that?
Edit: I didn’t do it to get him in trouble or anything my parents don’t care (and I knew they wouldn’t).
Would also like to say that when I said we don’t really speak much, I meant we actively avoid each other around the house and haven’t had a normal conversation in probably about a couple of years.
Tt’s not easy to ‘casually’ talk to him privately about his personal life out of nowhere.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, he’s in the family home and is being careless about the noise he’s making. I’m sure he’s heard it by now, you should have told him about how he is constantly waking you up and if it continued then be a little more assertive, this is on you for letting it go so long but on him for being so careless and then having the nerve to get upset when he’s the one being explicit in the family home.” butterflybaphomet88
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you could have asked your parents to speak to your brother if this bothered you or spoke to your brother because I get you’re only 16 but the last thing most people are doing in the middle of intercourse is listening for loud squeaking, but instead decided to notify him of the problems in front of your whole family for no reason I can see other than to grab the spotlight and humiliate your brother.” Initial_Inspector_92
Another User Comments:
“JERK is too hard because it is not that dramatic. Still, you could have taken him aside (even a long time beforehand when it was awkward for you and your 13 year-old-friends) to let him know you can hear it instead of joking in front of the family.
Yes, you say your parents are okay with him having girls stay overnight. But trust me as much as you don’t want to know anything about your parents’ intimate life it is the same tune another way round and somehow embarrassing for your brother, obviously. You should apologize for your public imitation of the sound but still emphasize how weird it is to hear that noise.” lucyinthesky7777
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – You should probably have mentioned it to him first, and if he didn’t change it then mentioning it is fair game. It sounds like it’s been going on long enough there have been opportunities for a conversation…” burnafone91
2. AITJ For Ruining My School's Fashion Show?
“I (F17) am student vice president of a fashion school, the school is not very popular but we still have a few students who are extremely talented, and I and the president (MTF18) and tend to run things pretty well with the power we have. In my school, all students in their final year work together to pull off an amazing fashion show to possibly get recruited. Due to tradition, the vice president and president make each other’s outfits for the opening introduction.
Mid-way through the year, we got a new head of design teacher, and most of us were neutral of her, but one day, she pulled all of the students into the auditorium and gave them all their designs, and handed the president and my files to fill out. She designed all the student’s clothes instead of letting them use the outfits the students designed all year, and also gave me strict instructions that I was to make male clothes for the president.
The president didn’t object at the time, but during the first fitting, I saw her shaking and even had a breakdown when she was fit into masculine clothing. After talking, we decided that we were going to ignore the teacher’s words and use the outfits and designs that the students made throughout the year.
My classmates were extremely happy about this and we all secretly started working on our outfits inside our dorms. Eventually, everything was complete.
The fashion show goes smoothly, everything was perfect, the outfits were beautiful, the president felt beautiful, and we even added our own music. Many of our classmates got recruited and we all calibrated the night happily.
Later, on Monday, the teacher calls me in and starts yelling at me. She says that I was selfish and that I ruined her career and goals through this ‘stunt.’ Of course, I was confused about how I could ruin a school fashion show – I was eventually dismissed, but now have three weeks of detention with the president and she is saying she is working to take away my scholarship.
So, was I selfish for this act? Was it wrong to go against her word? Was I the jerk?
Edit: 8:00 PM; the president and I are reaching out to the principal for a meeting, it may take a few days but we’re trying to fix things.
I want to apologize for my English, my native language is not English, so please feel free to ask questions.
Also, here are some things that may need to be said:
My country does not have trans rights laws, the president and I have been student body for a few years, they came out the third year and we supported them (mostly, we still have some people against it, but being in the fashion world we shut our mouths as the person you used to bully may be the next big thing when you want a job)
Some teachers knew about this, some even would help us by secretly going ‘I have 10 yards of white cotton who wants it?’ knowing draping material was in the design room. I do not know if the principal knew, but saying as nothing happened to stop us, except a few checkups on our outfits by the design teacher, we moved forward.
(some people claim the design teacher knew, so we were working on her outfits in class and our dorms.)
Yes, parents are involved. Most of us are children still.
Edit: I am not from the US, abuse of power is common in my country, my school is not some top-notch fashion school, my school requires us to take a science, math, language, and history course, principals of design, and then two choices design-related classes.
Principals of design are at the beginning of each morning for the final year students, everyone in the school has this teacher. Think of it as a free period where we work on projects together.
I cannot prove my story is real, but I will work my way to say updates on further meetings and advances.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap, NTJ. You ruined her career? Nonsense. Her behavior was unethical, selfish, and wildly unprofessional. The fashion show was intended for the students to showcase their work in order to get hired, she was attempting to use it for her own agenda. Good on you and your fellow classmates for standing up to her, that was incredibly courageous.
You should reach out to someone in the school administration about what happened/is happening, especially about her threatening to get your scholarship revoked out of retaliation.” SummerOracle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You have a new teacher, who wants to do things a certain way. It’s not your decision about whether or not to follow those instructions, she’s the teacher and gets to decide.
Having said that, it was a jerk move on her part, especially with the President’s clothing and the scholarship.
Instead of just doing what you wanted to do (which is a spoiled power move), you should have spoken to the Teacher and explained what you want to do and why.
Maybe she would have said yes.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The show was for the STUDENTS, not a teacher who can’t hack it with the rest of the adults in the industry. All of you students need to get together and go to the principal/headmaster and explain the whole situation from start to finish as well as the detention she’s put you two in.
You absolutely were not selfish.” PommeDeSang
1. AITJ For Standing Up Against A Single Mother At Work?
“So about a year and a half ago, Sheila had an unplanned pregnancy which stressed her out greatly since she and her husband weren’t really in a great position (financially) to have a kid. Her husband had lost his job and she wasn’t earning enough to be able to support the both of them, let alone a child on top of it.
However, they decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.
Despite her husband being able to find a job, their financial situation hasn’t improved much, and unfortunately, she has resumed work after her paid maternity leave got over, since she cannot afford to go for unpaid leave.
On her first day back, she expressed how difficult things are for her and how she is burnt out all the time.
I offered to cover for her for the next 2 months till April so that she could get 3 days a week off. (I take Sat, and Sun off and she has Fri and Sat off so I’d go in for her on Sun so that she gets it off)
On Thursday, we have a team meeting to decide our Roster/Schedule for next month so I reminded Sheila on Monday that I will not be covering for her from May onwards so if she wants, she could go talk to our other coworkers before the meeting to figure something out.
However, she did not take this well and told me that I couldn’t back out of a deal I had made. I told her that I had said I would cover till April and I did that, so I don’t see why she’s getting upset? She then replied that it was already very hard for her and I was making it harder.
This really enraged me because I did try to help her as much as I could. For 2 whole months, I voluntarily sacrificed my day off so that she could get time at home, and still, somehow, I’m making it harder. But, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to create a scene.
She then went on to say that my life is pretty easy and I don’t even need 2 days off but she does because she has a baby that she needs to attend to and I need to be more understanding. I don’t have any responsibilities and so according to her, 1 day is enough for being ‘lazy and unproductive.’ She also reiterated that it’s because of people like me that working mothers have a difficult time.
This is where I snapped and I think I might have gone a little overboard: I told her that I sympathize with her and understand how difficult it is for working mothers because I have myself been raised by a single mother, but she needs to get off her high horse.
She has not done this world a service by being a mother and she has no right to tell me whether I deserve a day off or not. Being a mother is a choice she made and I have no obligation whatsoever to help her out so she can stop acting like I owe her a favor for simply popping out a baby.
At this point, she burst into tears and I didn’t want to escalate things further so I simply stepped out of the room. I later came to know that she had taken the rest of the day off and was really upset today too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you laid it out in a logical manner, and she is definitely feeling entitled. When you covered for her, did that bump up your wages or was she getting the same pay as if she was working the full week?
Because that really points to her entitlement if so. If you benefitted in wages but lost free time, you did her enough of a favor already. Maybe another co-worker will take on the extra shifts, but really, she needs to figure it out, not you.” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I do sympathize on a human level with any human who is overwhelmed and exhausted, but the holier-than-thou ‘your life is easy because you don’t have children; you’ll never understand real exhaustion until you have a child of your own’ drives me straight up the wall. You’ve already bent over backward for her.
The social expectation that you somehow need to continue to sacrifice for her just because she had a baby is exactly what she’s leaning on when she accuses you of not being supportive. We’ve all been raised on that ‘mommies come first’ diet whether the situation calls for it or not.
I think you really did a great thing covering for her as long as you did, and you were civil right up until the point she started in with that snippy “people like you are the reason working mothers have a difficult time.” You had every right to assert yourself.
The fact that your matter-of-fact breakdown of the situation drove her to tears tells me that she probably came to the same conclusions herself deep down — she just was trying not to think about it. Were there gentler ways to do this? Probably, but if she wanted gentle, she shouldn’t have thrown herself into the rink by attacking you first.
You’re fine.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were incredibly gracious with your offer in the first place, and it’s not like you sprung this on her last minute. She knew the terms of your agreement were that you could only cover until April.
— She also reiterated that it’s because of people like me that working mothers have a difficult time —
As a working mother myself, this is 100% nonsense. I know you feel guilty because of how hard your single mom had to work, but her circumstances and your co-workers are different. Yes, it’s not easy being a working parent, but it sounds as if your co-worker does–or at least should–have someone at home who can help pick up the slack.
Both my husband and I work and still make sure to spend time with our baby. Because that’s our job as parents, not the job of my single, childless co-workers. I have nothing but awe for anyone doing the single-parent thing, and it sounds like your mother did a great job with you, so kudos to her!
I will also add that I agree it’s a good idea to talk to management/HR about this just to make sure it doesn’t come back to bite you.” Comfortable-Run940
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