People Are Desperate To Find Out What We Think Of Them Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Neighbor's Kid Ride My Horse?
“I (24f) had 4 horses.
1) a retired competition horse that I love with my whole heart 2) current competition horse 3) my breeding stud 4) an extra horse for my family and friends to ride.
My neighbor (12f) used to come and ride the extra horse. After I could trust her to be safe around the barn she was allowed to come ride whenever she wanted. She would often come to spend time with the extra horse either riding or just cleaning out his stall.
Well, I got the great opportunity to buy a mare that would not only move me up in competition level but would be an excellent match for my stud to get my name out in the performance horse world as a breeder.
The problem is I had to sell the extra horse to afford the mare.
I offered him first to the neighbors since the girl was so bonded to him but they declined. I told them they were welcome to keep him at my house for free, they just had to provide the feed, but they didn’t want to do that.
I tried to make it work keeping all 5, but I couldn’t afford it with the cost of feed. I tried to let the neighbor girl ride my current competition horse, but she’s still learning and let him get away with some problem behaviors that threw off my last competition score.
The new horse and I aren’t ready to start competing yet as we’re both working on getting in sync, so I still need the current competition horse to be functional. The stud horse is way too much horse for her, and my retired horse is only for the littles now (my 8-year-old nephew is even getting to the point he rides him harder than he should now, that horse earned his retirement).
So I told her and her parents that until my new competition horse is ready, she just can’t come to ride anymore. She’s welcome to spend time with them, but I don’t want her on the horse.
They called me a jerk for ‘taking away her only source of joy’ when they are just horses and they never expected me to actually sell the other horse (they were there the day he was sold and I even gave them one last chance before he was loaded on the trailer to buy him).
I told them that it would probably be just the winter off and she can probably start riding again in 6 months but right now I don’t want to risk my standings. I thought about doing lessons on the current competition horse so I was there and could teach her how to correct the problem behaviors, but our schedules don’t match up.
She is devastated, and her parents are trashing my name. I feel like the jerk, but I also feel like I tried everything to let her ride. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors are being very entitled parents. You did literally everything including offering to stable the horse for just the cost of supplies.
They didn’t want any part of the responsibility but wanted you to bend over backward for their daughter. They don’t care about your own goals and the well-being of your horses and their training. I feel bad for the child who sounds like she actually cares about horses, but it might be time to cut ties until the parents can respect you and stop trashing you for having a life outside of their family.
They can find a riding stable or club and pay fees if they want her to ride a horse.” Formal_Air1697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a responsible owner, you’re making sure the horses are ridden correctly and protected. Not surprisingly, you’re also making the best decisions for you and your hobby.
They were given several different options and decided to count on just letting everything slide and just guilting you into doing what they wanted. It didn’t work.
If her parents are indeed so determined to have her ride, they can either contact the person who bought the horse she loves and try to buy it back or find some other arrangement for her to get riding lessons.
The way they’ve behaved, you might be wise to make this a permanent break. If something ever happens when she’s riding one of your horses, they’ve shown what their morals and ethics will be like by smearing someone who helped their daughter.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The parents are jerks for expecting you to keep a horse around that you’d have to pay all the expenses for just so their little girl can be entertained. You gave them so many chances to buy the horse or just pay for its feed and you’re even willing to still have her ride your other horse after it’s been properly trained so she can be safe!
You sound like a saint in this situation and the parents choosey beggars. Very much NTJ, OP, and you should have boundaries with your neighbors unless they’re gonna keep taking advantage.” serenityxoxoserenity
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister's And Friend's Lunch?
“For the past two years, I (F18) have been paying for my sister’s (F18) and friend’s (F18) lunch. I am by no means swimming in money, but I loved them so I decided to do something nice every now and again. But it has gotten to the point where they expect it.
It has gotten to the point where I am now running low on funds, barely enough to even pay for just my own lunch. I have brought this point up with the pair only for them to say ‘I’m too broke, or I just don’t like spending my own money,’ and it really annoys me, why should I be the one constantly paying for meals?
I have also brought this up with my parents, to which I called my sibling some insults. Instead of my parents being on my side, they decided that I shouldn’t talk about my friends that way.
I need money to survive, and I can’t be spending it on their eating.
I’ve had enough, and I am now starting to refuse to pay for their lunch, to which they reacted negatively ‘I can’t pay for my own,’ ‘I don’t have any money on me,’ and ‘we’ll transfer you later (they never do)’.
Sometimes, I’m not only paying for their lunch, but I’ll also be paying for a large group, they think it’s alright, so say ‘oh don’t worry, (my name) will pay!’ Which I find extremely offensive and rude. I never said I was comfortable with paying for large amounts of people.
I sometimes go hungry, so I can afford their food.
Would I be the jerk to cut them off and only pay for my own lunch?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the simple solution if you still want to be able to go out to eat with them.
Only bring a finite amount of funds. Do not bring a card with you or any other method of payment make it clear that you only have $10 for your meal. You simply do not have any other money on you or any other form of payment they cannot offer to Venmo you or anything else.
Because you don’t have any other way of paying except for that one $10 bill. But really, I would just quit going out to eat with these people at all. These people are not your friends, they are people who will continue to mooch off you for as long as possible.” Significant_Apple799
Another User Comments:
“You are hurting yourself. Try a few sentences out, you have such options if they ask you to buy them lunch again as: ‘I don’t want to spend my own money.’ ‘I’m broke,’ ‘I don’t have any funds on me.’ Or, just, ‘no.’
You are going to struggle to break this dynamic at first, as you’ve seen, but consider it a lesson that you have a tendency to be extra caring (which is lovely) but also a doormat (which will only ruin your happiness in the future)
Clear the air, tell them the gravy train has been derailed and will never be put back in service. Then when they try to persuade you otherwise, just say no. They took a beautiful thing you were doing and now think less of you because of it, not better.
Calculate how much you’ve spent on these people and present it as a written down figure to those that complain. Tell them they are free to spend that on you, then you’ll consider occasionally buying food again, but not a moment before.
So, generally NTJ here, apart from yourself.
Stop thinking you are obligated to bend over backward to people. Stop feeling guilty because they are upset their patsy is getting reluctant. These people do not care for you, and it sounds like that includes your own family. So stop bleeding money and save up what you would have spent because you are going to need it in the next few years.” PelicanCanNew
Another User Comments:
“You need to tell them and then stop paying. It might be easier to tell them and then stop having lunch with them for a while, as you have caved before and they know you will give in. That will give you time.
If they ask, you can say you can’t afford to buy lunch. And then just smile and say no – no matter what. Nothing else; just shake your head smile and say no. Don’t discuss, don’t explain. And don’t buy lunch.
You also have to refuse to pay for everyone. You can laugh when this happens and say the bank is out of funds. They are counting on you to be embarrassed and pay for them and your friends and until you speak up and refuse it will keep happening.
To be honest, the fact that they would take advantage of you and not ever want to return the favor is pretty selfish of them. You don’t owe them anything. You have been more than generous.
NTJ -” Unagi-86
17. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Help Me Set Up My Wife's Board Game?
“Yesterday was my wife’s birthday, and I got her a new board game as a present.
For background, we have a 3-year-old girl who just had a baby and she’s been a little down but she’s taking medication for it.
We were popping out the pieces after we got home from buying the game, and my wife asked me to please stop and that she wanted us to do it later so our 3-year-old doesn’t mess with it or lose pieces, as it’s a game she really wanted and it was a little expensive.
I figured I might as well keep going as we weren’t doing anything at that moment anyway. She asked me to stop again but I was halfway through doing it.
Our daughter was busy with a new toy but then came over and started messing with the pieces, I started to tell her to stop but my wife said ‘Fine, if you’re going to be popping them out around her you may as well let her help as it’s going to be double the work trying to stop her from helping’.
So our toddler helped me get things set up.
We didn’t end up playing that night, but we played tonight, and a piece was pretty much broken from my daughter ripping it. My wife was pretty upset at her brand new game being messed up before we ever played, not at our daughter but at me for not putting the game up around our toddler.
I reminded her she said it was fine if our toddler helped. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for two reasons. The most important is that YTJ for having no idea YTJ when it’s completely obvious. Brand new game your wife wanted and you don’t assume a toddler will rip it up?
And on top of that, your wife was nervous about it. That’s when you should’ve stopped. Actually, you should’ve not even opened this with your daughter around. What you should’ve done is not touched the wrapping and let your wife open it.
Since she loves board games, I guarantee she enjoys taking off the wrapping and feeling the new parts herself, so you took that from her. But you really can’t see why she’s upset? She told you it was ok? She said ‘fine’ because you weren’t taking no for an answer and she was exhausted by you.
All of this should’ve been obvious. Buy her a new one and give it to her with an apology.” ELSquared71
Another User Comments:
“You don’t get to play the, ‘you said it was fine!’ card if she asked you to stop twice and you ignored her.
It’s an expensive adult board game that she really wanted, that probably has a warning on it not to have young children handle the small/fragile pieces, and you went ahead and let a 3 year old pop said pieces out of their frame.
Another alarming bit – you said, ‘she’s been a little down but she’s taking medication for it’.
Dude – if she’s taking medication, she’s most likely not just ‘a little down’, and downplaying her mental state is a trashy thing to do to your partner. Of course, she’s not upset at your daughter – she doesn’t know the value of the game and lacks the fine motor skills to pop out the cards properly (even adults need to be careful when popping cardboard figures/cards out of frames).
YOU should’ve known better and stopped when she asked you to.
YTJ” Isbistra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude… Your wife didn’t say it was fine for your daughter to help. Not really. She asked you to stop twice and you refused to listen to her about her own brand-new birthday present, so eventually, she just gave up on asking you to not ignore her wishes and settled for asking you to supervise your child rather than try to fend her off and risk stuff getting lost/damaged in the distraction.
But you knew best. As always, I’m guessing.
Except you didn’t, did you? Because you were looking after her present and you were responsible for managing the toddler, and under your custody, the present got damaged by the toddler. Exactly like your wife warned you it would.
That’s your fault, no one else’s. And you owe your wife an apology.
Also? You owe her a second apology. Your wife wanted to set up her own present and you took over and denied her that experience.” Normal-Height-8577
Buy your wife a brand new game (do NOT cheap out by trying to to repair the damaged piece or replace it), take her out to a lovely dinner, and present her with a gorgeous bouquet and the NEW game after. She MAY forgive you then; not sure I would.
16. WIBTJ If I Want My Husband To Come With Me To My Mom's Wedding?
“I am 20, my husband is 21, and my mom will be 46 this year, just so you know ages.
My mom and I haven’t had a good relationship from the beginning. My brother passed 2 years ago and 7 months after he passed I moved states to live with my then-partner, and now husband.
She went off on me because I didn’t give her a warning. We went no contact for a year after she said some really hurtful things you would never expect your mom to say.
After a year of no contact with my mom, she got back in touch with me, and I’ve been trying to work on our relationship but it’s hard to do that when she hates my husband for the reason ‘he stole her daughter away from her’.
I visited her for Mother’s day and while intoxicated she asked me to be her bridesmaid, not having any other choice at the moment I said yes and brought up my husband coming with me. Which she proceeded to tell me no he’s not allowed and I’m trying to make her wedding about me.
Even though she invited my ex to her wedding.
I tried reasoning with her and reminded her that I and my husband would eventually have a ceremony and it would be nice to have her there and her response was she would not be there at all.
Mine and my husband’s 2nd anniversary is on the 19th while her wedding is on the 22nd and due to his job that would be when we could celebrate.
So, would I be the jerk if I give her that ultimatum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s never wrong to stand up for yourself or your loved one.
Your mother is being really controlling. It’s baffling to me how someone is upset that ‘someone stole their daughter away’, and then they proceed to do a number of things that push you even further away.
She sounds very toxic and I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. It seems like you’re already doing a good job of managing her. You went no contact when you needed to and now you’re not letting her push you around with these demands.
I think you needed a little reassurance today, and I’m glad to give it to you. You’re doing great.
Whatever happens, I hope you make the choice that feels right for you. Congratulations on the marriage and good luck with everything.” _Stitch_Witch_
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really think anyone is the jerk here. Don’t get me wrong, I do think your mom is definitely a jerk when it comes to her treatment of you, and your husband, and her reasoning for not wanting your husband at her wedding.
However it is HER wedding and she can invite or not invite who she wants for whatever reason she wants, no matter how much I disagree with her actions or reasons. You are not in the wrong at all to give her an ultimatum or not attend her wedding.
She’s going to have to decide how important or not important your attending or not attending is to her. I also wouldn’t want to attend anyways knowing how she feels about my significant other, and you know it’s going to be awkward for your husband to be at an event he knows he’s not wanted at.
Just don’t go.
But overall she sounds toxic and you’re probably better off having no contact with her. You’re going to be the jerk in her story no matter what. You’re either going to be the jerk who forced her to invite an unwanted guest at HER wedding or you’re going to be the ungrateful jerk daughter who didn’t come to her wedding for ‘petty’ reasons in her mind.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The etiquette books indicate that your husband should be invited to the wedding if you are at the wedding party.
Your mom might have been intoxicated, but that doesn’t excuse her attitude toward your husband. When your mom is sober, sit her down and tell her you were hurt when she invited your ex but not your husband.
Tell her that you will not be her bridesmaid or even attend her wedding unless your husband is also there.
While you’re at it, tell her to hold her tongue about your husband. If she wants a relationship with you, she can at least be civil.” Sea-Confection-2627
Your mother is a narcissist and it's all about her. You've never had a good relationship with her and it's unlikely to change. She's been an absolute jerk.
I wouldn't be entertaining the thought of going much less being her bridesmaid. This is a consequences of her behaviour, not a reflection on you.
15. AITJ For Not Talking To My Parents Who Don't Know Sign Language?
“I am autistic, and my sister Anne is deaf.
Anne is technically my step-sister, but our parents have been married since we were both nine. I met Anne through the ASL club at school.
I started going because my autism makes it hard for me to speak sometimes, I go mute when overwhelmed. Sign made it possible for me to communicate with others.
Anne and I are both 16 now.
Our parents have not made any effort to learn more than the most important signs.
We have tried to sit down and show them more. They simply know things like ‘pain’ ‘thirsty’ ‘sleepy’ or ‘sick.’
Anne has cried about her dad never having a full conversation with her. Other people in our family have put in the effort, but Mom and Dad don’t.
They say they can text us, and I can tell them whatever Anne needs. I told Anne I loved her and we would just make them speak to us in our language. It didn’t work out as well as I thought.
Anne and I decided we were no longer going to talk around Mom and Dad.
I have not spoken a word to them in weeks now. When we meet new people, I don’t talk if we are with our parents. The only time I have spoken is for emergencies. I will text, I will sign, but I will not talk to them.
Recently our neighbors, the Smiths, came to visit. They asked if we were both deaf. I pretended like I couldn’t hear, and Mom looked embarrassed. She said I was mute and Anne was deaf.
Mrs. Smith said it was nice to see a bilingual family.
When I started signing something to Mom, Mr. Smith asked what I was saying. Mom ended up saying she didn’t know, and the visit was short. I got in trouble for ‘lying,’ but I still refuse to talk.
I wrote out that they either need to start learning how to sign or I will never speak to them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone hard of hearing and knowing those in the deaf community, people want deaf people to conform to make them comfortable. Sign language is how deaf people communicate. Some lip-read or speak, but the sign is their language. Whoever is the primary parent of your step-sibling is a horrible parent.
Why would you not want to be able to communicate with your child?
Sign language is not super hard, especially since the more you practice, the better you get. It’s not appropriate to force her to always speak through you or text messages. What both parents are teaching and telling you is that they don’t care to learn how to communicate with their deaf child and that is just sad.
Edit to add. Parents of deaf children learn American sign language all the time, it’s what a good parent should do to be able to bond/ communicate with their child.” Wickedlove7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how could Anne’s own father have never learned to sign?!?!
It sounds like she’s been deaf all her life (from context), and he never even learned to communicate with his own child! That’s horrible. I completely understand why Anne cried over never having a full conversation with him, most parents would have started learning as soon as possible if they had a deaf child.
Honestly, I think you’re a great brother for standing up for Anne and for being there for her. Having just one family member who can communicate with her in her own language must be so frustrating and isolating for her. Your parents are being willfully ignorant, and I do not blame you at all for refusing to speak out loud to them.
They need to pull their heads out of their butts and start to learn to sign. My only suggestion would be to ask them to go to family counseling so a professional can help them realize just how much harm they are doing to their children and how this is affecting both of you.” Immifish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So Anne has been severely neglected her whole life, you’ve been parentified into being responsible that Anne’s basic needs are being met as well as planning her future, and you’ve developed selective mutism in response to all the mistreatment.
It may feel like a power play inside your head, but from the outside view, it’s clearly mistreatment.
This isn’t you trying to get your parents to change for a few weeks and see how it goes. This is you having realized that your relationship with your parents was already so awkward that not talking to them anymore is less painful than continuing the relationship the way it was.
You are 16 and you knew the risk that you wouldn’t be able to change your parents, and you were OK with that.
Get help. You’re just a child, you shouldn’t be taking care of another child. At least, get help in navigating the services and benefits she’ll need to become an independent (from you) adult.” syboor
14. AITJ For Leaving The Party After Getting Cake On My Face?
“I’m (21f) a student at a university and was 20 when this happened. All my friends live at the university accommodations that are like a 4-5 minute walk from wherever their class is, and any outsiders aren’t allowed in, no matter the circumstances. I live at home, which is a 30-40 minute drive one way.
We all had a habit of smearing cake all over each other (not just the birthday person) for 2 years now, but I got tired of having to clean up at a sink while they got to go and take proper showers and come back. So start of last year (we were still online), we were having a conversation about birthdays we missed and would catch up on which in-person classes started. That’s when I told them all that I would like to be left out of the part where they put cake all over each other since it’s a pain having to bring an extra set of clothes, wash my hair in the sink, etc. They all said ok and moved on with the conversation.
Come September, in-person classes start and my friend’s birthday comes up. I bring the cake, she cuts it and The Part is about to begin, so I get up and sit at the table next to ours. They put cake all over each other while I’m recording, and suddenly 2 of them come from behind me and smears cake all over my face and hair.
I just simply get up, grab my bag and leave. Go to the washroom, wash my face and hair as best as I can, and go home.
I start getting texts asking where I am, but I just ignored them for the rest of the day.
I go back the next day, and they ask why I left and I told them why. They all said it was just a joke, that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it, and that I ruined the whole mood. We argued for a bit, and they promised that it wouldn’t happen again and it hasn’t.
But they keep bringing up the situation every time it’s someone’s birthday, like what I did was wrong.
So was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave them a boundary. They violated it and you took the totally appropriate action of leaving, showing that you’ll enforce that boundary and if they want your presence, they have to honor the boundaries you’ve put in place.
They’re being catty brats for bringing it up over and over, and honestly, I suggest finding new friends. People who push boundaries like that and insist that it’s ‘just a joke’ when someone gets upset are the WORST and will absolutely try to break boundaries that are much more important.” Dark_Moonstruck
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friends shouldn’t have done that. But you shouldn’t have ever participated in this either. I’m an old grumpy person so I’m going to blame the media that suggests things like this are trendy and edgy and fun. You’re smearing food on another person.
Like so many ‘popular’ jokes, it’s not really humorous or smart when you think about it. There’s totally no purpose to it but to be a jerk and show off. When it happens to you and you didn’t want it that particular time, suddenly you see why it’s not funny.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time they bring it up, remind them that you had to go home to change your clothes since they got cake all over them and that once you were there, you realized you didn’t want to spend more time with people who don’t respect your boundaries.
And remind them that you going home to change means missing at least an hour of time with them, so how come they’re trying so hard to make you miss out on the group fun? Don’t they want you to be part of the group?
Just to really drive the guilt home.” Creatureteacher86150
Start a new tradition - get exactly as many cupcakes as there are people. Or share the cake with other tables.
13. AITJ For Telling A Guy His Dog Cannot Poop In My Yard?
“My dog and I recently moved into a new house back in May. We already had some issues with my neighbor over the parking spot I’m allocated (different story), but things have settled since then.
The other day my dog and I were out on a walk in the neighborhood, and I noticed a man up ahead with a rather large dog standing in someone’s yard while the dog used the bathroom. He. Didn’t. Clean. It. Up.
When we walked past, I saw the huge pile of poop still there, and the man and his dog had stopped (it was weird like they were waiting?) and I asked if he needed a poop bag.
I have the little bone with bags on my dog’s leash. He said no because the owners of the house don’t mind and this is a ‘poop is allowed neighborhood’.
I didn’t believe it because their yard was pristine, but he kept talking pointing out houses where people allegedly didn’t mind when dogs dump in their yards, and I responded with ‘well I mind.’
He was taken aback and asked which house was mine, which I was vague about because I didn’t want this weirdo to know where I live. But I told him that I don’t think it’s okay to let your dog just dump in people’s yards without cleaning it up, and I better not see it in mine.
He argued again that people didn’t care, and that I needed to mind my own business.
So, should I have let it go? Or AITJ for offering the bag and saying his dog better not dump in my yard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog owner and this is a pet peeve of mine.
I would have walked up to the front door, knocked, stepped back a couple of feet, and if they answered, asked them about what this man said while pointing him out. Shame to all dog owners that don’t pick up their poo. Especially those who that think because it is a business, they can leave poo on the lawn or in the garden beds.
Any non-pet related business does not keep a pooper scooper around.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I refuse to believe that multiple neighbors are okay with this. It’s a common courtesy to pick it up, so I can’t imagine more than a person or two saying ‘yeah, all dogs can poop in my yard.
No need to clean up!’ My money is on this guy who just lets his dog poop, and assuming it’s okay because the neighbors don’t come flying out of their house to tell him no.” PetuniaGoBlue
12. AITJ For Subconsciously Tricking My Friend Into Joining The Navy?
“My friend and I (19f) have known each other since the start of our freshman years. I noticed her because of her Simpsons shirt, and we bonded over it. We are both geeks and had cable, and we can fawn about all of our common interests together.
There is an episode about subliminal messaging, where Bart and his friends join a band that tricks people into joining the navy by subliminal messaging. In a song, part of the chorus was ‘yvan eht nioj’ which is ‘join the navy’ backward. I have no idea whether subliminal messaging is true, but I thought she got the reference because she seemed to find it funny whenever I used it as a greeting.
One day, she asked me what ‘yvan eht nioj’ actually meant. I said that it was from that one Simpsons episode, and she did not know what I was talking about. I explained the episode and what it meant. She started getting upset.
She asked me if I was actually trying to trick her into joining the navy, and I told her that I would never do that.
She told me that if she ever were to join the navy, she would not know if it was because she truly wanted to or because I brainwashed her. I feel really bad and guilty for upsetting her, and am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being silly. Subliminal messaging likely doesn’t work at all, and certainly not by saying a nonsense phrase that is something else spelled backward. If the person does not realize it is spelled backward and figures out what it means, there is no way they could be influenced because the phrase is meaningless.
And I guarantee no one is likely to figure out something like that said to them and not written down.” jmelross
Another User Comments:
“The Simpsons episode in question is making fun of the way pop culture constantly reinforces certain narratives and the use of it to push military recruitment – we’ve all grown up on action movies like Top Gun that get direct Pentagon support.
And pop stars (as in the episode) have a history of being hired and used to send certain messages to young fans.
But the subliminal messaging part isn’t literal – it’s a satirical conceit addressing an actual phenomenon. It’s a metaphor for the way pop culture around us is constantly reinforcing certain messages – military good, cops good, etc.
NTJ and your friend are being deeply silly. Ironically, I never thought that was a great episode but maybe she should watch it again so she can get the joke.” BenderBenRodriguez
Another User Comments:
“No. NTJ.
Your friend is an… uhh. Well, let’s say that your friend isn’t very well informed on subliminal messaging if she thought that repeating a line from the Simpsons would trick her into joining the navy.
Especially if you explain it’s an inside joke that she apparently never understood.
I’d imagine this is the sort of thing you’d just laugh about and move on from, but if she doesn’t, she might have some other insecurities.” Fanculo_Cazzo
11. AITJ For Making A Complaint About The Vet?
“My dog Molly had a lump on her shoulder that needed to be removed to make sure it wasn’t cancer.
I had to have her at the vet hospital at 11 am. It was a very short procedure. I expected her back in just a few hours.
They didn’t allow me to pick her up until right before they closed at 8 pm. At this time I was informed by the surgeon that they performed the wrong surgery on Molly before realizing their mistake and doing the correct one.
If Molly wasn’t already spayed, she would be now. It was when they saw her organs already missing they realized their mistake.
He explained it was just an accident and that he cleaned her teeth and trimmed her nails and took $500 off the original surgery bill.
When I told him I reported him he got very defensive and said he was planning on retiring soon anyway.
Also, I was angry because more than half the stitches in her shoulder came untied and out of her skin within 3 days so they had to staple her up in the office.
AITJ for reporting the vet to the College Board of Veterinarians that could result in the surgeon losing his license? Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s generally a TERRIBLE idea to add on a dental cleaning to a surgical procedure. Source: Worked with board-certified veterinary surgeons for years.
Extending anesthesia time and increased infection risk (via dislodging oral bacteria into the bloodstream AND increased risk of surgical site infection from the aerosolized gunk from cleaning the teeth).
Please report them – this is not a benign mistake, and there should be multiple occasions to verify/ID the patient and correct procedure from every staff member who interacted with your pet.
Should have had paperwork, collar tag, and kennel tag. Staff who did prep should have checked patient ID and procedure before pre-surgery shave and prep (cause the shave/prep for the shoulder would also increase the risk of surgical site infection for the abdominal incision), and in my opinion, the entire surgery cost (as well as followup care in the event of any complications for either surgical site) should have been written off and the vet should have called you IMMEDIATELY after the surgery was complete and pet woke up from anesthesia to apologize and inform you.
The only thing I’ll give leniency on is your pup may not have been awake enough to go home until much later. The vet still should have called RIGHT AWAY to discuss what happened, but in your complaint to the veterinary board, I would not make a meal out of the time of hospital discharge.
Please report it to your state’s veterinary board, and I would also request a full refund for the entire cost of surgery since they performed multiple additional procedures without your knowledge or informed consent and needlessly increased your pet’s anesthesia and complication risks with such a careless and multi-layered safety failure.
I hope Molly feels better soon after such a weird day and that her pathology report comes back with benign findings.” EnthusiasticWombat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But surgical mistakes do happen both in veterinary and human medicine. Equally when a mistake like this does happen it means there is some sort of process that needs investigating and improving to prevent it from happening again.
All medical facilities should have a review process where any errors like this are looked at and scrutinized and then changes are made to minimize the chances of it happening again. The vet should be open and honest about this and human error is sadly part of being human and as long as they are willing to accept the mistake and show how they have altered their processes to minimize the chances of any repeat mistake then that’s the most important thing from a medical perspective.
As for the sutures in the shoulder, there are many different sutures and suture patterns that can be used but with the best will in the world, it is a high motility area and sometimes the sutures fail. This should be discussed prior to surgery and the dog’s behavior modified to try and minimize this.
Not sure the vet will lose their license over this as lots more detail is needed but it should be investigated so not an issue you reporting to make sure that is done.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mistakes do happen as many people have pointed out here.
I fully understand that it’s scary and we wish it never happened and when it does happen there’s still a place for blame, but at the end of the day, even great doctors can have mix-ups after long hours, being understaffed, maybe training new staff.
Making it sound like it would’ve had to have been a lot of people messing up to get to this point is not necessarily true. If there’s only one surgery technician and they got the wrong dog out for whatever reason, assuming it’s a well-behaved dog they could’ve had the prep work and anesthesia done by themselves and had the dog largely covered by a surgery d***e by the time the doctor was in the room.
As for the stitches, it’s most likely that yeah they did a terrible job because they were rushing due to being behind schedule due to the mess up and probably concerned about keeping your dog under anesthesia for extra time, but the shoulder is also a very mobile area, so this could also be a case of just more wear and tear on the sutures than they expected. It would have been nice if they did it all for free after the mistake, but honestly, some clinics can’t afford to lose any income, or if they’re corporately owned, there are sometimes rules above them that won’t let them do anything for free, unfortunately.
All this said, you absolutely have a right to report to the board. The board will investigate, and they will hopefully get to the root of what caused the mess up and being a group of veterinarians, they will have a better understanding of whether this was just an average human error or gross oversight and negligence.
At least where I am from it is not super common for vets to lose their licenses honestly, but a formal investigation scares a vet far more than yelling or screaming in the lobby would. I think you’re still doing the right thing. If the board finds something wrong with this clinic, then they shouldn’t be working on other animals.” Throwaway567882
If he's close to retirement age and has been practicing veterinary medicine for years, he should definitely know better anyway.
And to all the people saying "people make mistakes", would you actually use that comment to comfort OP if their dog had died?
Yes people make mistakes, but when a person is in the medical field, some of those mistakes are litterally the difference between life and death.
10. AITJ For Not Apologizing For Screaming At My Grandmother?
“My (28F) beloved mother unexpectedly passed away Wednesday evening. My dad and I were at the hospital with her and sobbed on each other when she passed.
It was the most painful experience of my life. My mom was my very best friend. We talked every single day.
I saw her at least once a week. The way it happened feels completely traumatizing, to say the least.
Earlier that day, I texted my grandma (dad’s mother) asking for prayers when she was taken to the hospital. She asked for updates, and after she passed I let her know.
She didn’t even text or call me back.
She drove in from out of state the next day and has spent most of her time cleaning my parents’ house. When I saw her for the first time since my mom passed she didn’t say ‘I’m so sorry’ to me or anything like that.
She just gave me a hello hug, told me how everything was unexpected, and then talked about cleaning the house.
My grandma and I only had a small conversation together yesterday about how she needed to box up my mom’s clothes because it was too much for my dad.
I started to tell her I needed to pick out an outfit for my mom to be buried in and I may want to keep some things, but our conversation was cut short.
Today I texted my grandma to please wait to go through my mom’s clothes.
She is such a busy-bee and I was worried she would just do it and let me go through boxes which I would have been really upset over, so I sent a text just to be safe.
When I got to my parent’s house my dad had run to the store.
Right when I saw her she walked up to me and started telling me how offended she was that I texted her that. She was talking to me like a child who needed to get out of the way. She was saying that she was going through all my mom’s things because she had to clean and get everything organized for my dad.
She went on and I just stood there in shock. I told her that was all perfectly fine, I just wanted to make sure I could have my own moment going through my mom’s closet. She kept berating me and sternly told me she was here for my dad, who she had to listen to crying on and off all day.
I lost it at this point. I was so overwhelmed with grief, and even though I had several bouts of crying and panic attacks, I was holding in so much for my son, who wanted to be attached to my hip all day.
I screamed in anger at the top of my lungs that my dad wasn’t the only one grieving, referring to me.
She snapped back that she knew my mom much longer than I did.
I told her I was leaving and she tried to stop me but we left and drove around. She texted me ‘I’m sorry, please come back.’ I did it for my dad.
We made small talk the rest of the night. I appreciate her working hard and loving my dad, but it all feels so heartless toward me. What she said feels unforgivable.
I have NEVER screamed at anyone in my life. I kind of feel like a jerk for not apologizing for screaming at my own grandma like that, but at the same time, I don’t want to.
AITJ?
Update: Yesterday I went back over to my parents’ house where my grandma is staying for the week. Not long after arriving, she asked me to take a look at all she had done. I honestly wasn’t interested and didn’t have the emotional energy to care, but I followed anyways as she showed me things she organized.
For all wondering why she was focused on cleaning, there were a few reasons. One was that my mom was so so sick the last few weeks, so the house wasn’t a top priority. My parents also took a trip to the beach last week which she insisted they go on.
My dad drove her back days early to take her to the hospital, where she ended up passing that day. They had just dumped their luggage everywhere. She had unsanitary medical trash and other things that needed to be taken care of. So it truly had to be done, which I thank my grandma for.
Additionally, she and my dad decided to have the celebration of her life at the home my parents recently bought together. She loved decorating it and wanted to show it off, so her loved ones will get to see the new home she loved.
After showing me a few things, my grandma took me into my mom’s closet.
To be honest I was filled with annoyance and anger. I really didn’t want to do this, but I kept my mouth shut and my face emotionless. She didn’t go through her clothes, but she removed everything she had on the floor because they had planned on getting new floors this week, and they will be having them done before the celebration of life.
It looked so different and empty in there. I hated the feeling but just said okay when she explained what she did with it all and scooted out of there as fast as I could.
Before heading back to the living room she stopped me and apologized. She said she was up last night thinking, and what happened between us ‘wasn’t even about’ me, but her husband.
They apparently got into an argument before we arrived and she was high-strung and took it out on me. I told her I loved her, hugged her, and said I know it’s hard on everyone and we will just all have to have extra grace with each other right now.
I didn’t apologize exactly, but I gave her love, and I’ll try to do as I said, have extra grace in this impossibly difficult situation.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think you and your grandma have different ways of handling grief.
She may have felt she had to keep herself busy or she’d break down.
However, she wasn’t paying attention to the way you grieve or the way your dad grieves. I’ll cut her some slack because she’s grieving too, but she was very nearly over the line into being the jerk.
Once you and grandma have calmed down, sit down with your dad and have a calm discussion. Point out that you should have been consulted. Add that there might have been some things your dad would want to keep – maybe something he gave your mom or something she wore for an occasion that was special to him.
I’m sorry for your loss.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Grief makes you act like a stranger sometimes. She has no right rushing to pack up your mom’s things. Does your dad even want her to do that? I’m so sorry for your loss.
Grandma needs to slow down a bit and if you need to tell her that then say it.
All of you are going through a traumatic thing and getting angry is a natural response. Please seek grief counseling, it can help a lot. Your dad is probably numb and in shock and can’t think about what he wants right now. Please remind your grandma that she might not know what’s best for your dad.
Tell her he needs some time to figure it out on his own. He might not want your mom’s things moved yet.” coolbeenz68
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You are grieving. Your emotions are extra sensitive. It doesn’t take much to set you off.
Given some time, you will reconcile your emotions and maybe see things differently.
Your grandma did not have a relationship with your mother like you did. Your relationship with your mom was special. But don’t forget that she lost someone too. She also bears an obligation to support your dad, who has a similar relationship as you do with your mom.
It appears that your grandma’s assumed the role of caretaker for you and your dad. Without being asked, she’s taken on the necessary work with the intent of getting things done without emotions or fanfare. Perhaps she grieves differently than you and your dad, and you can’t see it.
Can you imagine that she’s grieving as well? She’s just coping differently.
Apologize or not. When emotions settle and a new equilibrium is established, you can hopefully discuss this together calmly and rationally resolve any differences.” bolshoich
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
At first, I was willing to cut her slack.
Sometimes people don’t know what to say and try to show their support in these situations by taking things off the Chief Mourner’s plate. I even get that she also might be in grief herself over losing her long-term DIL if they had a good relationship (I cried my heart out when my Grand-Uncle by marriage passed away).
But to suggest that you need no support because it’s your Dad who’s had the greatest loss is cruel. She’s also suggesting that she comes before you in the grief circle, which is insane. Finally, she’s infantilizing you. You’re 28, not 5. If you want to be involved in the disposition of your Mom’s belongings, and your Dad doesn’t want to handle that himself, she should be letting you take lead and asking you what you wanted help with.
She’s either ignorant of the actual grief circle, which you would think she would have down at her age, or actively cruel.” Pale_Cranberry1502
9. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé's Son To Leave?
“My son is 14 and just came out as bi. We all tried our best to be supportive, and both me and my fiance had talks with him about homophobia my fiance volunteered to give him ‘the talk’ since he thought it’d be easier coming from another male.
Then there’s my fiance’s son (18, who is also bi). I heard him telling my son that he should only go out with guys, and I just listened as he listed a ton of reasons why all showing women in a negative light.
Afterward, I asked him to leave.
He asked me why and I explained that he was being misogynistic, and he said he wasn’t he was telling my son his experiences and also some truth. I asked him to leave again.
My son is really upset at me, and my fiance is upset because I didn’t talk to him first and because his son isn’t answering any calls or texts now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I would say calm down a bit. I still haven’t seen the examples you stated but regardless, let this also be something your son can learn from. There are a lot of jaded people out there who are saying or probably said worse things to your son already.
Jaded people come from all backgrounds and orientations. I also have to say the word misogynistic gets thrown around way too much, and most of the time isn’t even applicable. But, I digress… talk calmly with your fiance first alone, and then let him go have a discussion with his son about what was said and why you’re upset with him.
Then your fiance can talk to your son.
But, I gotta say your son is not far from being an adult himself. He doesn’t need your overbearing protection from different opinions. Your fiance’s son is only 3 years older than him, seriously?! Stop coddling the boy and let him grow up.
The only person that has lost control and seems to be a bad influence right now is you. You just beat your fiance over the head with a giant red flag with your erratic behavior. If you’re smart, go immediately into damage control mode and start begging ’cause he’s already halfway out the door.” Dead_Patriot57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I wouldn’t want anyone telling my son misogynistic things, either. I would sit down and have a talk with him about why that is inappropriate and make sure he understands that both men and women can be bad partners and that what’s really important is he knows what signs to look for.
Maybe go over some basic red flags in relationships (isolation, etc.)
Here’s the thing, though–if you want your relationship with your fiancé to work out, you’re not going to be able to permanently ban his son, especially over one wrong thing. Instead, you might need to all sit down and have a talk about appropriate language to use around your son and make it clear that you will not tolerate misogyny.
I would also ask your fiancé if he agrees with what his son is saying. The son may just be speaking out of trauma. But it’s also possible your fiancé may have taught him some of these ideas to begin with.” Charming-Barnacle-15
Another User Comments:
“You evicted a child who only recently became an adult with zero days’ notice because you felt he was being misogynistic, which was based on a conversation upon which you were eavesdropping and to which you were only partially privy?
You evicted a child who only recently became an adult with zero days’ notice for whom you are not a legal guardian and did so without consulting the custodial parent?
You evicted a child who only recently became an adult with zero days’ notice because he was expressing his opinion based on his personal experience, and you determined they were somehow bigoted without discussing them to potentially clarify?
You overheard a conversation where a young man was expressing his toxic experiences with women to someone he considers a sibling (with the intention of being supportive to someone who had recently come out as bi), and instead of being supportive to this young man by showing that not all women behave in a toxic manner, you opted to behave in a toxic manner and invalidate his opinion and experiences and then shame him for expressing his feelings by kicking him out?
It is less concerning that you are a grown woman treating someone else’s child in this fashion and more concerning that so many people are supportive of your behavior, declaring that you are not the jerk. Objectively, based on the facts, undoubtedly YTJ.” HedonistEnabler
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as a bi person, I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’.
Yes, what your future stepson was saying was possibly not only misogynistic but also very damaging and continuing to perpetuate bisexual erasure and internal biphobia. Not only that, but it’s also perpetuating a myth that being with guys as a bi-man is better.
It doesn’t matter who it is. Men can be and do have a history of being as biphobic as women. Biphobia is very real, very pervasive, and rooted in very damaging and exclusionary bigotry, just like any other form of queerphobia. And as a parent, you are in your right to ensure your son does not internalize such a mindset.
THAT BEING SAID: You really needed to talk to your fiancé before kicking your future stepson out permanently. You needed to talk to him because that’s HIS SON. You need to be on the same page before making such a life-altering decision, especially if, from the sounds of it, your future stepson might not have had bad intentions (keep in mind this is just based on what I can glean from your story and since you won’t give us specific examples of what future step son was saying).
You can’t just make wide-sweeping decisions like this on your own.
If your future stepson really had such traumatizing experiences with women, your fiancé has a responsibility as a father to ensure his son gets therapy.
You all need to sit down, talk things out, get some therapy (family and individual), and do some research on bisexual history.” Fluid_Response_6062
8. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Dad's Personal Therapist?
“So I am (F15), my dad is (M42), and my brother (M18) is also in this story.
He was diagnosed with depression a long time ago.
So this all started when I was 7. Mum came to us and told us dad wasn’t ok and he needed our help.
So we hung out with him for the weekend, I was sad I didn’t get to hang out with my friends but I didn’t really question it. This went on for a few years and then it just stopped.
Now cut to about 2 months ago, (my parents are split up) my dad comes home and tells us he ‘isn’t well’ if you know what I mean.
I feel sad and I think about it for around half an hour until he comes in and tells us to do a bunch of things for us, and starts yelling at us saying that we are the cause of his bad thoughts. I get upset, do what I was told, and go to my room because I don’t want to deal with him while he’s angry.
He calms down and we watch a movie.
The next day our mom calls us and starts yelling at us for not helping him and being the cause of this. I’m super confused but I say sorry and I go on with my day (dad was still asleep) dad wakes up and goes with the usual ‘telling us what to do’ and we go and do as he asks.
Mum had said before that he was supposed to get a therapist but so far dad hasn’t gone to see one.
At around lunchtime dad still hasn’t gone to see his ‘therapist’ and is playing video games on the couch. I suggested playing a game all together outside but dad says no because he was ‘busy’ so I go to my room and wait a bit.
Dad then goes around making sure we did things correctly. The vacuuming wasn’t done (there were a few crumbs on the floor) so he goes yelling at us and once again blames us for his bad thoughts.
I’m starting to get sick of this but once again we go and clean up.
This goes on for a few weeks with him STILL not going to a therapist. Then dad makes random comments about us being supposed to have been helping him get better and not be sad. That’s when I realize WE are supposed to be the ‘therapists’ and I get really upset then I snap and say ‘dad, you need a REAL therapist. You can’t just force KIDS to help you.
I’m not a therapist, I love you but you need REAL help.’
He gets mad and starts yelling, getting angry, and calling names. The whole ordeal. Now I know I should have calmed down and I apologized for that. I know I’m dealing with someone that needs help and I can’t just snap like that.
But I really wish he would stop forcing us to help him. I feel awful just hearing constant insults every day for every single mistake and I wish he would just sit down and get some real help without getting us kids into it.
Please let me know because I feel awful for snapping but I also feel angry for him being a jerk all the time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Therapist here. Depression is an illness. People do need additional support during episodes. However, it is never the children’s job to provide that. There are medications and therapy that help. This has been going on for 8 years that you know of, and he is not taking responsibility for his mental health.
That does not make it your responsibility. You are being taught to enable his moods, which is not okay. I don’t know what the laws are in your area, but in my state, a child can decide which house they want to live in at age 12.
Do a google search on your laws. You may not have to be there. And talk to the school counselor for support. If mom has also been enabling him, you will need to learn to advocate for yourself.” Inconceivable44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is wrong.
Your parents are emotionally and verbally abusing you, and are parentifying you by forcing you to be a live-in ******************* to your father.
Talk to a counselor at school and tell them what has been happening. Tell them that you do not feel safe going home to either parent (because it’s clear your mother isn’t going to help) and that you need someplace to go until your dad gets professional help.
If you can, reach out to a trusted grandparent or aunt/uncle/cousin and go stay with them.
Write down every time your father yells at you. Time, date, what is said. Write down every chore you and your brother do that your dad doesn’t.
Write down what game on what console he’s playing while forcing you to clean. Make it so that you have lots of evidence that he cannot avoid.
Write down every time your mother doesn’t help out. Write down everything she says. Every call time, every word you remember being said.
Get call logs if possible. Make it so she cannot avoid the evidence either.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Fluid_Response_6062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs a proper therapist, he knows it, and he’s putting the blame on his kids instead.
I’m not sure if either of your parents understand what proper therapy is (thank you, Hollywood), but it requires a trained counselor, preferably one experienced in similar cases. NOT a 15-year-old dependent on these jerks for room and board.
I understand that to keep the peace you ‘should’ have apologized, but please understand that you should never have to apologize for protecting yourself, setting a basic boundary, and frankly reminding your dad of something you should already know.
You may want to get into therapy for yourself, and the same for your sib. Your parents have absolutely no business blaming y’all for your dad’s mental health and lack thereof.
Please know that there is no shame in that, or for needing an outside view apart from your frankly toxic parents.
Talk to your own school counselor or a trusted teacher. You won’t be the first student with a case like this, and they should be able to back you up and advise you through it. Best of luck, OP.” Notte_di_nerezza
7. AITJ For Giving Away Food?
“I mistakenly bought 6 dozen eggs at Costco, and I couldn’t finish all of them, so I made a bunch of boiled eggs, and posted to social media that if anyone wanted some boiled eggs let me know because I could not finish them.
An old friend hit me up and asked for them but couldn’t get there until later because they Doordash for extra coins. I told her it was fine and that I’ll let you know once I got off work, around the same time. She was going to make deviled eggs which is honestly a great idea, way better than the plain boiled eggs I was planning to eat.
Well, that time comes, and I don’t get a response so at 1 am I text and ask if they are planning to swing by soon. She tells me they can’t make it tonight and I was already about to sleep, so I wrote it off and tell them I’ll let them know when I get off the next day.
I get off around the same time and I get a text asking me to drive about 45 mins round trip to drop them off because her SO is out with her car. Tell her ‘I can’t, sorry’ because I thought food giveaways or free stuff is sort of expected to be picked up.
She replies back ‘ok’ and I just tell her to hit me up if they want them.
Well, no response today, so I turn them into deviled eggs for me and my neighbor and post it on social media as well, not to rub it in, but it did feel sort of ironic and I can see how it would come across as bad.
Well, she replies and asks ‘are those my eggs?’ To which I replied, ‘they were, but they were going to go bad soon anyways and you haven’t hit me up with any plans, so I gave them away’ and she goes off on a whole rant about how I had them reserved for her and should have honored her ‘RSVP’ I replied back with the laughing emoji and just tell her next time I over order eggs let me know with concrete plans so I can ‘RSVP’ them, and to not get mad if they get given up to someone else who wants them.
So AITJ for this? I feel like I’m not, but I came here to escape the self-affirmation bubble.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But no good deed goes unpunished. With how rude and entitled everyone is nowadays, I wouldn’t be offering to do anything nice for people, especially with an online announcement.
That seems to attract the worst of the worst.
The fact that she wanted you to drive 45 minutes to deliver FREE eggs to her is outrageous. By the time she actually made it to you to pick them up in a month or two, she’d want to be reimbursed for the gas, and then she’d complain the eggs were all rotten and how you’re trying to make her sick.
She’d then want to be reimbursed for new eggs and whatever else she could try to tack on. It’s just not worth it.
Next time, make some homemade cakes and then freeze them until you want them. That uses a lot of eggs. So does cheesecake and custard.” SammyLoops1
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I’ve sold a bunch of things on Craigslist, and no-shows are so annoying!
First, it’s a big waste of time. You have to spend time communicating with people and then you sit around wondering if they’ll ever show up! Second, if you are holding an item and they don’t show, you can end up missing the person who would have bought it.
I don’t hold items anymore. Instead, I tell people to text me before they leave so I can confirm that I still have the item.
Of course, I would hold something for a friend… But your friend was very rude to just blow you off like that and should expect that something perishable like eggs would not be held.” Dry-Spring5230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are correct that when you are offering free stuff the recipient is obligated to pick it up. I’m personally always super strict about honoring the first pickup time, or the ‘RSVP’ is forfeit because many people are super flaky and just don’t honor commitments when it comes to free giveaways and you will waste your time.
Just say ‘if you’re not here when you say you’ll be, I’m moving on to the next person or opportunity.’ Because the whole point of giving things away for free is to move them out the door quickly and at YOUR convenience.” Common_Shoe_4634
6. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Drive For Me?
“My roommate (19m) and I (26m) moved in together in August this year. I had found the place and paid the first month and deposit on my own before he was able to move he was very happy about that and told me ‘I’d never need an Uber again’ (I don’t have a car due to losing it in a bad break up).
This setup worked well up until last night I had asked if he could drive me to work this morning he said no since he planned to drink that night and ‘I need to stop relying on him and get a car’. I told him that he said it was ok and brought up how much I paid so he could have somewhere to live.
He said ‘obviously he didn’t mean forever and I can’t keep holding this over him’.
I felt like this was out of left field and if he felt that way he shouldn’t have offered but also maybe I took advantage. I don’t know so am I the jerk?
(Edit) adding a bit more context: he does pay half of the rent now and I do pay him for gas, no it wasn’t a written agreement but it is something he told me he’d do several times, I did buy a moped and it broke down I don’t have the budget to fix it right now but it’s not due to lack of trying.
UPDATE: I wrote this at work so when I saw him again I had time to think, I mentioned how I am autistic which I obviously should have thought about when told ‘you’ll never need an Uber’ that may not have been literal, but surprisingly he came to pick me up from work without me asking.
On the ride home I mentioned this story and how I was sorry if he felt like I was taking advantage of him and how I didn’t understand that he may not have been literal when saying what he did. Surprisingly he said he really didn’t mind he told me he was mad about other things and took it out on me.
He’s going to help me work on my moped this weekend.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Of course, he didn’t mean forever. What if he said he’ll always pay for dinner and then you made him buy you dinner every night, totally unreasonable. He meant you would always have a ride to the airport or the doctor if you really needed it, but to get you around on a day-to-day basis, no. Get another car or use public transportation.
He’s right. Stopping holding that money over his head. He’s probably paid you back in the time he’s been shuttling you around for free. All those ubers would have cost you a lot of money, not to mention the extra gas he is probably having to pay for.” Active_Ad_7691
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He should have given you more notice than 5 minutes before leaving for work, and you shouldn’t have decided that he was your Uber in perpetuity. It’s been two months. Get your own ride sorted out.” fluffyrex
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was cool of you to get the apartment fees together, and it was cool of your friend to offer you rides. But, he’s right you shouldn’t have expected this to be a forever thing or an at-your-command thing. That’s just common sense. That’s just common sense.
I’m guessing that when he said that you’d never need an Uber again, you took too much advantage of him, and now he’s burnt out. He does have a life too and shouldn’t have to plan everything he does around whether or not you’re going to need a ride.
Just apologize for the misunderstanding and move on.” Long_Ad_8563
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Bad communication. I’m sure your flatmate made that offer thinking you wouldn’t expect constant rides or help with daily commuting. And yes, it was nice for you to put down the deposit on the flat, but that’s a one-time payment and your flatmate would have continuing expenses on a car, including wear, that would outweigh your (refundable at the end of the lease) deposit payment.” TemptingPenguin369
5. AITJ For Wanting To Spend $1000 On A Generator?
“I (33m) recently earned a lot from stocks. I like to use finances for jokes & being dramatic/theatrical. I don’t care about money. As the Joker said – ‘It’s about sending a message.’
Met a girl (34f) online.
Super cool & interesting. Talking for 4 months & never exclusive. I wanted to be. She didn’t. We sleep together and go out weekly. I offered to pay for everything because I know she’s going through a lot in her personal life – kids & a crazy ex-husband.
I invited her to come to a show. Bought her ticket. She said she couldn’t find a babysitter.
As a joke & seriously. I sent her $1000 for a babysitter, so we could go. She was upset I sent her that amount. Spent about a week looking for 1.
She wanted a family member, not a stranger. She never went to the show.
Told me she wouldn’t touch the money & it would sit there until the day I ask for it back. Couldn’t believe I sent the $1000 for a babysitter for 1 night. We agreed it would sit there until things ended between us.
Fast forward 2 months. Hurricane Ian hit us here in Florida. I didn’t lose power. Offered to let her borrow my generator if they lost power. The spark plug was dead when I went to start it. My mistake. I/we would have to wait till morning to get a new plug.
Might as well get her a new generator & also closer to her. The flooding was bad. Roads & highways are closed off. Even if I got a generator, no guarantee I could even deliver it to her. Texted her if I place an order online can you go get it.
She said yes. Cell Towers are down all over & no power. My messages aren’t getting through to anyone on her side.
her- hey, Did you ever get ahold of my sister’s SO?
me- I messaged your sister, the guy, and your best friend.
What happened to the $1000 for babysitting? Can we use that for the generator?
her- LOL, so you offer me something then suggest I pay for it?
me- no? I’m asking what happened to it if we never used it for babysitting. That’s all.
her- it’s there
me- shouldn’t this be a good time to use it? Redirect its purpose. I would still be paying for it. It’s originally mine. We are just using it for the generator. Did I say something wrong?
her- no. It’s just weird the way this is playing out.
Someone else is going to bring me one. But thank you for the offer.
me- I’m confused. If this was a bank account. We had $1000 we never used. We should still have $1000?
her- is this about the generator or the money? I’m super confused. What’s going on here?
me – I don’t care about money. You know this. I’m trying to help. If we have $1000. +1000 bank account. We never used it. Mathematically, we should still be up +$1000. Regardless of what its purpose was. So, if we still have $1000 not being used. Shouldn’t we just use that?
her- I don’t need it that badly. That’s why I didn’t ask to borrow it in the first place
She has now hidden her story on social media from me but hasn’t removed/blocked me.
Her friends unfollowed me. Haven’t heard from anyone on their side at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for using your money the way you use it. You were talking about a generator and you thought that crisis moment would be a good idea to bring up a previous argument? NTJ for the question, but your timing is just awful.
Also to be a jokester with money makes a very bad impression on people.” Remote-Equipment-340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It did not make sense to me, as I was reading, that she would ‘keep the money until the relationship was over’. What? She should have returned it right away when it wasn’t used for a sitter.
She considers it hers now, and unless you want to sue her, you’re going to have to as well. That circular logic she used in the convo you wrote out made my head hurt. She clearly isn’t giving that $ back.
She showed you who she was – believe her.
You sound like a nice person – find someone else nice who will appreciate you. I’d drop her and all contact with her and move on. If you’ve made money in stocks, then the $1,000 will be a lesson that isn’t too painful.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sis is a scam. Honestly, her behavior is a red flag and I’d be mindful in regards to continuing this relationship further. Keep your distance and use your funds for you & your needs. If you want to create a separate trust for charity do that but no more giving this chick a dime.
Run. Run Fast.” LivingLivid9510
4. AITJ For Not Doing My Part Of Volunteer Work?
“My sister has three kids, she planned on two but has three, they’re all under six, and she’s not managed to get back to her career. It stresses her out, so I offered to take the kids for part of the weekend so she can do homework for a course she’s doing to hopefully further her career without getting overly penalized for having a longer-than-anticipated break for kids.
During the week, she attends while two kids are at nursery/school and with one strapped to her. She and I are not Christians though our cousin (who she gets childcare advice from) is. Since the kids were little, she has done things to get ‘points’ towards having them attend local CE schools (primary and secondary is the plan).
She and her husband attend church on special days, she runs the database and online diary, as well as deals with emails to book out the church hall, and he volunteers as a governor at the primary school.
One of the activities the kids do is a church-led child club for a couple of hours on Sunday mornings.
It’s run by volunteers (usually Mums of the kids), and they’re always short of volunteers. Usually, it’s parents who drop the kids off, and to get extra Christian points for their kids they will sometimes volunteer for a bit towards this. Usually, the Christian ones go and attend the service while their kids are at the club and the less religious ones volunteer.
I usually go home and clean my house for the week (which has been a bit destroyed by general living and then having three under six-year-olds the previous day) before picking them up.
Lately, I’ve been getting passive-aggressive comments when I drop the kids off because I don’t stay and volunteer to help with the activity club.
My sister says that some of the Mums at the school gate have been saying she won’t get enough points because I don’t volunteer and she’s stressed about this.
I don’t want to jeopardize my nibling’s schooling but I can’t see that an Aunt would be counted towards school points.
I also really don’t want to help out with the church activity group, for one thing, it’s really loud, there are about forty kids, and I’m not really a child person, for another, I’m not a Christian and I’d feel uncomfortable doing some of the activities which are supposed to be about belief.
Am I being a jerk about this?
Édit: This is in the UK. It’s not a fee-paying school.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your sister is concerned about points, then she should volunteer as you are the aunt, not the parent and you aren’t even Christian neither is your sister (she does realize that in a lot of cases to go to Christian schools, the child has to be baptized and she would have to go to the church associated with the school every Sunday).
Tell her that you are more than happy to take the kids on Saturday but Sunday is all her. She still gets her day to do her homework etc. but that way she can volunteer at the playgroup. I personally don’t think she wants to volunteer and is hoping that you will be in her place.
Which is unfair to place on you they aren’t your kids and you aren’t Christian.
If she doesn’t like that change, then tell her that you are no longer able to take them on the weekend.” Sarahh236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should stop watching them on the weekend.
Then you won’t need to drop them off at the church where your lack of ‘volunteerism’ is deducted from the ‘Christian points’ that the kids need to attend this school. Tell your sister you can only help if she picks them up and takes them to the church or if there is another way to avoid interaction with the church because you would hate for your well-meaning free childcare to somehow be misperceived by the good Christian parents at the church and to impede your niblings scholastic opportunities.
Your sister could set them straight and volunteer at other times to make up for it but she’s willing to foist the burden or earn ‘Christian points’ on you when it’s not your responsibility. If your free childcare is doing more harm than good, you should withdraw it altogether.” Common_Shoe_4634
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing what you can for your family. You sound like a great sister/aunt. There are limits to how much you can do. I think more families should be pulling together to help one another like this. As a Christian, I don’t understand why they would want a non-Christian leading these kids at a Christian school.
It just doesn’t make sense to me. This is how you get the weak version of Christianity, where ‘Christian’ means that you go to church on Sundays and judge anyone who doesn’t. That’s how the church dies off. But that’s really beside the point.
The point is, you establish your own boundaries and stick to them. You can be there for your sister and niblings without becoming a doormat.” princessk1293
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Brother?
“I, (15F), was talking to my therapist, and I brought up how I don’t want to have to care for my brother (21M) when my parents get old.
He is autistic and has had life handed to him even though he is fully capable of working and doing basic chores. But it’s only this year he has started cleaning his room, cooking for himself, etc.
Our family is naturally overweight, no matter how much we try.
I am accepting that but growing up, my mom would say, ‘we need to go on a diet, or we’ll be as big as a house!’ But my brother was never included. So my mam, dad, my sister (18F), and I would go on walks, I played Volleyball 3 times a week and would train, my sister would work as a waitress, and my parents would do what they could.
All the while, my brother would sit in his room and play video games, getting winded from bringing a bag of groceries from the car to the kitchen.
My brother has had opportunities laid out for him, but he was never bothered to take them.
I know it sounds ableist, but I hate it! I have to act like a lady, learn instruments, play sports, and get good grades while my mental health was neglected cause I wasn’t diagnosed with a mental illness as a kid, even though I have really bad anxiety.
I am talking about 2-7 panic attacks a week! Heck, my dad was asking when I am getting a job at 14 while my brother stays unemployed! It seems like no one has any expectations for him at all! He goes to bed at 5 AM and gets up at 6 PM, does nothing all day.
He has literally told me to get lost, but people shrug it off because ‘he doesn’t know what that means’ like he’s a stupid baby.
The fact my parents are getting older is dawning on me, and I know they can’t take care of my brother forever.
It’s just I don’t want to take care of him. I don’t want to have my youth and freedom stripped away, I don’t want to sacrifice myself because my parents failed to teach him basic life skills. I want to go to college, get a good job and treat my family to nice dinners and such.
I don’t think I can do that with my brother living with me, leeching off my happiness like a parasite. I do love my brother, but I don’t want to live with him forever. I don’t want my sister to deal with either since she wants a family in the future.
I have tried communicating with my family to let my brother be more healthy and independent, but whenever I try, it’s ‘stop talking about it’ ‘or stop worrying about it’.
It seems like no matter what I do, I am powerless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your brother being autistic is, to be honest, irrelevant. Your parents chose to have a child, and if that child for any reason requires additional support, at no point is it the responsibility of the siblings to provide that support. You may want to help, but it shouldn’t be expected of you.
To be honest, though, it doesn’t sound like your parents expect you to. I think you need to separate the issues:
You’re frustrated that you’re expected to do all these things, but your parents don’t expect anything from your brother. The things you’re expected to do aren’t actually supporting your brother unless your parents expected you to pay towards the household at 14.
My parents also expected me to get a job at 14, for my own development. Your parents are doing their job by getting you to work, to push yourself, to improve, etc. If you want to go to college and get a good job, you need to get good grades as your parents have pushed you to – you’re both working towards the same goal.
Your parents haven’t paid attention to your problems, such as your mental health. Is this because they’ve been focusing on him? Or are they the type of people who if it’s not ‘obviously’ noticed (as autism often can be, especially in boys), dismiss it?
Either way, it’s unfair they’ve done that, and I hope you’re now getting the help you need. It must be frustrating that they have provided support for him but have disregarded your needs. This is their fault, and it’s understandable for you to be upset.
Your brother is being cruel to you. This is horrible, the fact that it’s dismissed is unfair and your parents are absolutely at fault for this. I would imagine their response has led to why you feel resentful of your brother, despite loving him.
If you have tried to communicate your feelings around potentially being responsible for him when your parents aren’t able to be, and you have made it clear, then there is nothing more you can do about it. If it ever comes to a point, you can only reiterate how you feel and that you’ve consistently said the same thing for years.
I would hope as your parents get older they will put a plan in place, but if they don’t, it still is not yours to take on.” Constant-Currency674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your parents sure are. They’re setting your brother up for failure.
I have an autistic kid who genuinely will not be able to fully care for herself. She still knows how to clean her room, do her laundry, cook some basic meals, care for her animals, and do other household chores. No matter how disabled your kid is, the goal is to help them be as independent and self-sufficient as possible.
You seem to think that your brother’s future is your problem. You’ve probably been raised in an environment that encourages that sort of thinking (I was, and I’m still looking after my semi-independent sister decades later). You do not need to take on this responsibility, even in your head.
It’s not your problem. You don’t need to take care of him. You don’t need to figure out what to do with him or find a home for him or anything of the sort. It’s not your responsibility. You can honestly just stop thinking about it or talking about it.
Realistically, your parents are likely going to have a period of time between when they realize they won’t be able to care for him anymore and when he requires another situation, and they can sort it out, and that’s assuming your brother doesn’t grow up and decide he wants to be more independent on his own.” 3kidsonetrenchcoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t responsible for your parents’ failures. Turn 18, move out, and only meet up with your family/do what your parents try to impose on you when it’s what YOU want and healthy for YOU. Once you start being more financially independent/they start needing end-of-life care more, you can bring up general planning (what does their retirement look like, do they have wills and Power of Attorney, etc) and bring your brother up as part of that and make it clear that you are not an option.
Don’t EVER let them guilt you into things because of ‘family’! You deserve to live your own life!” inkpaperdream
2. AITJ For Not Reversing Out Of The Drive Thru?
“I (29F) pulled into a drive-through, which was on the right side of the restaurant.
I was at the end of the line, and my rear bumper was close to the road behind me. There was an oversized truck parked in a row of spots to my right. The owner of the truck got in and started backing up toward me.
I thought he’d be able to make it, but he got super close so I started to honk. He pulled forward and reversed again, so I honked when I thought he was going to hit me.
He then got out of his truck and started yelling profanities, and then he told my partner, who was sitting in the passenger seat, that he needed to get his woman to back up.
At that point, I decided to not engage. I ignored him and waved him on.
He was able to actually maneuver his way out of the parking spot. The line started to move so then I pulled up. This situation only occurred over like a 5-10 minute timespan at most.
I decided not to back up because 1) the road was behind me and I didn’t want to stop traffic or hit anyone 2) he clearly could’ve backed out without me moving 3) he went straight to cursing me out instead of asking in a reasonable way.
The whole situation caused a scene. Some woman walked up to me afterward and told me what I did was unkind, and my response was that ‘I did not want to back my car out into the road.’ She said ‘okay’ and walked away.
So why even approach me if she was just going to say okay? It was weird.
So was I the jerk here? I wouldn’t be questioning myself if it wasn’t for that woman. I might have been the jerk for not just backing up initially.”
Another User Comments:
“So he jumped straight to cursing you out? That dude has some deeper issues. He sounds exactly like the kind of person who expects everybody to move for him or else.
And that other lady? What she said was unkind. The whole situation was out of the ordinary.
Who backs up expecting the car in the way to move? Road safety operates on predictability, and you can pretty much predict stationary objects to stay stationary. The best thing to do is what you did: ensure your own safety by warning off a crazy driver and refusing to put yourself further in dangerous traffic.
The crazy logic of these people, I swear… NTJ, of course.” daric
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The rude guy with the big truck probably doesn’t know how to drive well and is used to bullying other drivers. He obviously didn’t need you to move. If you had done so, and backed into someone or been hit, you would have been at fault.
The lady that thought it necessary to talk to you probably realized that she was wrong when you told her your point of view. At least she was able to accept her error.” disappointedvet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even sure of what the ‘right’ etiquette would be, but he has no right to treat you that way.
After the miscommunication or whatever if he really wanted you to back up he should’ve gone out of the car and talked to you. Also if you think something is unsafe you’re right not to just do it.” dk91
The guy with the truck was just an impatient jerk with anger issues, and a sexist one too, since he barked at OP's partner to "tell his woman" what to do.
And as for the lady, it was none of her business, and she had no right to but in and scold OP for her actions.
Especially when the guy's actions and behavior was SO MUCH WORSE.
1. AITJ For Wanting People To Be Ready To Be Picked Up?
“I live in a college town with my significant other.
When she goes out with her friends, I pick her up and give her a ride to the people she is with. Let’s say this is three times a month, and they are usually the same people
My SO is bad at being picked up.
I’m going to some random location, if I’m on the way (I live 10 minutes away), you should answer the phone and be ready to go.
I don’t usually have issues with anxiety, but it’s been a thing recently and that led to today, where I was getting her and 3 friends from downtown once the bars closed on Saturday.
These streets are packed TIGHT and I don’t know the area.
I was on the phone with her and I am behind another car doing my general routine. Since I didn’t see them yet, I was fine just pretending like this car in front of me was the problem while she tries to find me.
2 minutes later, I spot my SO. I pull over onto the side road on the corner of the street she is on, we are talking 75 feet away from me, MAX. We’re also talking 2-way traffic on a brick alley/road. I am definitely blocking traffic and 2 cars back is a large intersection.
Can people squeeze through? Yes. Comfortably? No. I was certain I was going to get hit which only increased my anxiety. Then people are eventually stuck in the intersection, people are honking, and everything else. No one opened my car door for over 5 minutes.
Now I’m HOT on the phone and I don’t care because I want these people to figure it out.
After 5 minutes I have 3 of 4 passengers. They insist they tried to get the other one but they’re talking to someone
To me, it’s simple. I give you multiple free rides a month and I literally never even speak to you. Do I mind helping and driving around or whatever anyone needs?
Not at all. I enjoy it, but if you are going to have no respect for me, go screw yourself. I’m getting zero benefits. When I was on the phone, I was 100% rude because like I said, I wanted people to know so they’d figure it out and I was so anxious and angry and felt so disrespected that I wanted to just leave.
Do I want to feel that way or be rude? No. Did they leave me with much of a choice? I don’t think so.
Did anyone apologize? No. Did anyone care? No.
Now I’m fighting with my SO because I got upset with her. After all, she is insistent that ‘she was ready.’ She wasn’t ready if her friends aren’t with her and was good to go.
I’m talking to HER. All I can do is say hey I’m here let’s go. It’s her responsibility to get them. I’ve been in charge of MANY wasted people in my life. I’ve NEVER had a problem rounding people up. You go up to them, look them in the eye, say, ‘hey, our rides here, you need to come with me right now or you won’t have a ride’ no one is like ‘I need 10 minutes to tell them to wait outside.’ I’ve NEVER heard that.
98% say it’s ‘ok’ and the other 2 fend for themselves.
My SO was mad because I embarrassed her on the phone and I feel like these are just trashy people being selfish. I apologized and was intentionally ignored.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Stop giving them free rides or making them pay gas money, it seems from your frustration that this isn’t a new occurrence and that it happens on occasion.
If you’re ready, you should be ready to go, not grab your friends when the ride is already there.
I’d say put up boundaries, say you don’t mind getting them but if you’re waiting over 5 minutes (or longer depending on your preference and the area) that you’ll leave because they said they were ready when they weren’t.
Otherwise park somewhere and if it costs money then that’s on them… Along with the gas for driving.
It’s not a free world and while I’m sorry to say it, but it sounds like your SO and friends are taking advantage of your good nature.” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they can manage to get there without your help, they can find their way home too.
If you think about it, your being ‘nice’ caused you stress and a fight with your SO. So quit being so nice before you turn into a jerk.
Because something will always come up and you’re going to keep getting frustrated. it’s probably going to stress your SO to try to rush everyone too. Or worse, they will wait outside in the dark and cold and get mugged because they were afraid to keep you waiting.
Just stay home. After a night of fun, the last thing you want to see is someone that’s annoyed. All that relaxing fun will go away in an instant.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think your SO was either – unless you’ve made it clear to her this bothers you in the past. You all are young, she was wasted and didn’t get herself together.
It is perfectly reasonable to set boundaries for the future, i.e. don’t drive them around anymore, only pick your SO up, only pick up whoever is on the curb when you arrive – whatever you are comfortable with. It’s not ideal she and her friends did this, and it’s not ideal you lost your cool.
Try to rationally explain why you were upset and come up with a solution for next time!” furkfurk
People these days don't seem to have an ounce of common courtesy. And you can't teach it to them in this instance because they all sound too clueless and thick to comprehend that they're disrespecting you and the HUGE favor you're doing them, your SO included.
Going forward, if you decide to be kind enough to drive them again, tell all passengers when they get in the car, that you will call when you are on your way to retrieve them, and they are to be ready to leave before you arrive. If all passengers aren't assembled, the stragglers have a 5 minute window to get their hindparts in your vehicle or they will be left - NO EXCEPTIONS!! If they're not there when you're ready to leave, they can contact Lyft, Uber or call a taxi. Your days of being taken advantage of are done.
Good luck!
