People Want Us To Weigh In On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Evicting My Sister And Her Daughters For Hiding My Wife's Wig?
“My wife is a cancer patient. She, unfortunately, started losing her hair due to chemotherapy and she’s been incredibly insecure about it, her lack of hair in particular.
She got a wig and started wearing it, I don’t mind it, I 100% support her since she only wears it around family and friends.
My sister lost her apartment after a messy divorce and moved in with us with her twin daughters (16) almost a month ago.
Things have been going well except for my niece’s constant remarks about my wife’s wig. They got so hung up on it and kept asking lots of questions about it.
They asked to take turns to try it on, suggested they ‘straighten’ it with the straightener and so on which was exhausting. They even pressured me to see her without it but my wife was uncomfortable and refused.
Yesterday I got home and found that my wife was locking herself in the bedroom and crying. I asked what happened, She told me she woke up and didn’t find her wig, then discovered my nieces took it and hid then urged her to come out so they could see her without it.
My wife repeatedly asked them to give it back but they started laughing and recording, my wife got had to lock the door to keep a distance cause they didn’t stop.
I was fuming I went into the kitchen and confronted them, they acted confused but I was able to get the wig back. I lashed out telling them they humiliated my wife and embarrassed her by taking away her wig.
They said it was just a lighthearted prank which made me go off on them.
My sister got involved and said my wife was just being too sensitive and the girls were just curious to see her without a wig but she overreacted. I told her her daughters were recording her!
She saw nothing wrong with it and said I overreacted as well. I lost it on her too and told her she and my nieces are no longer welcome to stay at my home and they needed to leave.
I later let them know about the eviction since they thought I wasn’t serious and they started crying begging that I let it go. But my wife is no longer comfortable around them after what they did.
My sister called our elderly dad and he begged that I let them stay and insisted my nieces were just acting like typical teenagers. He offered to speak to my wife but I declined.
They’ve been begging that I change my mind but I kept refusing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud you for standing up for your wife. Being a married man, your priority and loyalty should be with your core family, which is the family you have with your wife.
I would say forgive your nieces and sister had they apologized as soon as you called them out on their mistake. However, instead of apologizing, they rationalized what they did, and even put the blame on your wife, for being sensitive.
It was a cruel attack on your wife and they were not even remorseful until they realized they will be indeed be kicked out of the house.
Please do not allow them to sleep one more day in your house.
They do not respect your wife and they will keep doing this, trust me. You do not have to hate them, but DO NOT let them stay in your house.
Pls also do not let them talk to your wife, not even your dad at the moment until your sis and nieces are out of the house for more than 3 mos.
They will plead to your wife for sure. Do not put your wife in this situation where she will look like the evil queen in their eyes for saying no, sorry, you cannot stay with us anymore.
Pls, do it yourself. Talk to your wife and make sure that should they be able to talk to your wife, to accept the apology but when asked if they can be taken into your house again, her response would be for them to talk to YOU because you make the decisions on these things.
Do not burden your wife with having to say no to them.” rasperry2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Cancer is already a big enough problem for someone to still have to deal with immature people.
You and your wife offered your HOME for your sister and your nieces. Your wife is going through a very difficult experience and the hair part tends to be one of the most difficult ones (I know a lot of people who fought cancer, men and women and among the women, it was unanimous that seeing the hair fall or shaving the head to avoid all the harsh feeling of seeing it fall were the most difficult part).
You took your sister and nieces in and your wife agreed. She is going through a rough experience and you said it yourself: she wears a wig around family and friends because she doesn’t feel comfortable not wearing it.
From what I could understand, she doesn’t wear it when it’s just the two of you. This means she gave up being able to walk around her own house without a wig so she could take your relatives in.
That’s brave and really kind of her. But said relatives are mocking her, humiliating her, and making her feel bad for something she can’t control (which is having no hair right now), and what’s worse: this is happening IN HER OWN HOUSE.
The place in which she should feel comfortable and SAFE. As long as your sister and nieces are there your wife WILL NOT FEEL SAFE.
And I can assure you of that because of a simple thing: they don’t even UNDERSTAND why and how the things they did to your wife were harmful.
They can’t see how disrespectful it was. Yes, teenagers are dumb (I was an imbecile when I was their age, but not THIS imbecile), but doing THIS KIND of things is not just teen stupidity.
This is bullying, this is bad education. They were RECORDING, for God’s sake. They are 16yo, not 6yo. And your sister is the adult who sees NO PROBLEM in two teenage girls HIDING a wig that belongs to someone that feels ASHAMED of appearing in front of people without it.
She is the ADULT and she doesn’t SEE the problem. This is why I assure you your wife won’t feel safe around them anymore. Not when she has to get to the point of locking herself up inside her room because THREE relatives are making fun of her for something she can’t control and that already harms her on its own.
They don’t understand now why their actions are a problem and since your sister doesn’t see a problem either, I can only imagine what kind of education she has been offering to these girls along with her ex.
It’s not good education. The three of them don’t see the problem now and they won’t see the problem later.” Luviskyi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ.
I’m absolutely sickened by what your nieces did to your wife.
They were trying to make her a joke. They were making fun of her having cancer, and her feeling insecure over her hair loss. Your wife is dealing with an absolutely horrible disease.
A disease that eats away at the body. A disease that causes excruciating pain. A disease that I wish no one ever had to experience. Your wife needs love, support, empathy, understanding, and encouragement.
Thankfully she has you, and you’re being incredibly supportive.
You’re absolutely right by evicting your sister, and her girls… girls who are incredibly rude, selfish, petty, and cold-hearted. Your sister should’ve called her daughters out for being so cruel, not trying to dismiss their horrendous actions.
They also need to see that actions have consequences… serious consequences. But they brought this upon themselves. I know evicting them is hard. They will continue to guilt trip. Be strong.
Do what is right for you, and your wife. I have a feeling your nieces would continue this behavior if you let them stay. And your wife needs to feel safe, and secure, in her home.
Instead of trying to involve your dad, your sister should be trying to apologize to your wife. She should be disciplining her daughters… and teaching them about compassion. Maybe having them volunteer in a hospital, with oncology patients, so they can see how hard cancer is on a person will help open their eyes and cold hearts.
Please do not let your dad, or anyone else, talk to your wife about this. The last thing she needs is a guilt trip.
Also, good job. I know I’m just a random internet stranger, but I’m proud of you.
You handled this just right. I’m happy your wife has such a supportive and loving husband. I know this is hard on you. It’s especially hard when you’re trying to be the strong one and hold feelings in (I’ve been there).
It’s gut-wrenching watching your wife suffer and feeling so helpless. I truly wish you nothing but the best.” BooBooKittyKat1
17. AITJ For Expecting My Partner And His Son To Still Clean After Themselves?
“I (32f) have an 11yo daughter. I work full time as a vet and we have several pets incl 2 dogs, a rescue cat, and 3 rescued chickens.
I am lucky to be able to afford to pay a cleaner to come once per week to clean the house and do laundry and this allows me to have free time in the evenings to spend either my daughter or do volunteer work for our local shelter.
My partner of 4 years and his son (17) recently asked to move in with me as I own my own 4 bedrooms home, while he rents so that he could save a deposit faster.
They agreed to clean up after themselves and my partner has been contributing to the household expenses (food, electricity, etc).
The problem is that they have not been cleaning up after themselves which is leading to my daughter picking up their slack regarding chores and my cleaner charging me for additional time.
Prior to them moving in she was here for about 2 hours every Monday and 6 hours once every month or 2 when she does a deep clean. Since they have been here she has been here for 5-6hrs per Monday.
I said to my partner that they needed to pick up the slack as it’s annoying my daughter and I’m the one who ends up footing the bill. He brushed me off and said he would get his son to make more of an effort.
I let it be but now it’s Monday and my cleaner was here for 7 hours today! I confronted my partner and said he either started cleaning up and contributing to chores plus paying the cleaner for any time over her original 2 hours or he moved out.
He threw a fit and said he didn’t have time to clean (he works half as many hours as I do), I’m too ‘lazy’ to clean and pay a cleaner so why should he clean either, and that his son was a boy so it was natural for him to not be as clean or do chores like my daughter.
I said I was disgusted with his attitude and he had to make a change immediately or move out. He and his son ended up leaving for his parents’ place so now I’m wondering if I’m being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They went back on the arrangement. They are being slobs if she has to stay that much over the original time frame and it’s disrespectful to you and the cleaner (the cleaner has to do more work and rework her hours or schedule for the day and you have to pay).
It seems like he thought he could move them both in with minimal cost and not make any effort in cleaning since you had a cleaner.
You warned him, he ignored it.
His attitude here would also be the final straw for me.
He accuses you of being lazy when you work more hours and still pick up after yourself. He threw a ‘fit’ and excused his son under the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality while implying your daughter should clean bc she is a girl.
He gone, let him stay gone.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is showing some real misogyny and entitlement here by expecting an eleven-year-old girl to pick up after a seventeen-year-old boy because she’s a girl, let alone his own refusal to help out despite working fewer hours than you.
He’s also being unfair to his son by disrupting his life with another move just because he doesn’t want to bother tidying up a little raising his son to do his fair share.
It hurts when relationships don’t work out, but it looks to me like this is for the best. You set some reasonable boundaries and your partner refused to meet them.” Right_Said_Offred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you kindly opened your home to this man and his son. You even were willing to continue to pay for a cleaner as long as she didn’t go over 2 hours… 7 HOURS OF CLEANING???
What are this guy and his son doing to your home??? He clearly doesn’t respect you based on the fact that he doesn’t even respect your home. you could always take this as a teaching moment for your daughter and kick him out.
No man should treat you like that. I think it’s important to show actions of self-respect, especially in front of the presence of your daughter. You both deserve better.” eatingiron
Be grateful that you found this out before you committed to this guy permanently. And, IF he had got really comfortable and stayed, you can best bet his lazy son would've had excuse after excuse after excuse for not being able to move out when that time comes. EVER.
Completely reassess your relationship with this guy because his tone hints to he will use you more and worse as time passes.
16. AITJ For Holding Onto A Year-Old Grudge?
“I’m an eighteen-year-old with divorced parents, and my dad remarried in 2018 to my now stepmom, who had a son from her previous relationship (let’s call him Gale).
I love Gale with my whole heart, even if he’s your stereotypical dramatic newly teenaged boy, and I call him my little brother. My stepmom, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated. We often have fights, get snappy with each other, etc. It gets bad sometimes, like when she admitted that she expected me to do everything she did in high school despite my mental illnesses and lack of friends, but that’s not the story I want to tell.
My seventeenth birthday in 2020 was very stressful for me. I had worked a full shift that day, so when I got home I was already emotionally wiped and tired. My dad cooked the family a nice dinner and I opened my gifts afterward.
One of the gifts my stepmom wrapped had a lot of tape on it, and due to said exhaustion, I was struggling with opening it. My stepmom saw me struggling and said, ‘God, you can’t even unwrap gifts?
You’re the person they have to put instructions on shampoo for.’ She then laughed. I remember that the room went silent, and I started crying, asking her ‘Why would you say that to me on my birthday?’ She backtracked immediately, saying it was just a joke, don’t be so sensitive, but the damage was already done.
My dad and she went into the other room to argue because he was angry, and my brother tried to cheer me up. She came back in and said, ‘I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt.’ To me, that’s not an apology.
Even though it’s been a year, it’s all I can think about whenever we have fights, and I’ve brought it up to her only to be shut down with ‘it was just a joke, you need to let go of that!’ I feel like a jerk because I do have trouble with holding onto grudges, but I just can’t let this go.
Am I the jerk?
TLDR: Stepmom called me stupid on my birthday a year ago, tried to pass it off as a joke, refused to apologize, and says I need to let it go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She went right in for the kill, it’s what truly nasty people do to those of us with mental illness/disabilities. She did what she set out to do by hurting you in a way that ‘it was just a joke’ are mentally supposed to mess with your mind.
It was a good start that your father tried to defend you but the key is one on one psychologist for you to work through how to deal with these people and then a family group psychologist to sort through issues and most importantly they can describe in a way why your hurt by what your Stepmum said with perhaps better odds at her not getting defensive or doubling down.” Purple-Valuable-5245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t really apologize, so I understand why you’re still mad about it. I do think for your own benefit, you should try to let it go.
I’m not saying you have to forgive her, but try to not dwell on it.
I wholeheartedly understand though. My stepmom has said several things like this and until recently, I hadn’t been able to let them go.
I vividly remember a family meeting where she was yelling and cruising and I asked that we discuss our issues without that and she straight up mocked me. ‘wAh, iM (my name), I jUsT wAnT eVeRyOnE tO gEt aLoNg.’ I held onto that for a long time until I realized that she was a grown woman mocking her own child and that makes her a clown lol.
I would write off her stupid remarks as just that. Stupid.” StarByStar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her comment was cruel, and the apology was nonsense. And FYI, it gets easier to let things go when you’re an adult because you get to make a lot more choices about who you spend time with.
If you have a therapist (which you should, given that you talk about struggling with mental illnesses) maybe talk about some self-talk scripts you can use when this particular hurtful thing comes back to you since it sounds like you’re kind of obsessing on it.
Something like, ‘My stepmother’s thoughtlessness reflects on her, not on me,’ and when you find yourself thinking about this, you can sort of redirect your thoughts to the script and see if that helps you to focus on it little less.” SignedUpJustFrThis
15. AITJ For Being The Reason My Ex Got In Trouble At Work?
“My ex (33f) and I (29M) separated over a year and a half ago when our son was 2 months old.
We are still going through divorce proceedings but we have a custody arrangement worked out. I dropped him off Sunday then Monday morning I was going to be busy taking my partner to her ultrasound appointment.
Our first appointment was to take a look at our little one.
While we’re waiting, she calls me because her car isn’t working so she can’t drive our son to the sitter’s place before going to work.
She lives by the train station so getting to work wouldn’t have been the problem but the sitter lived in a completely different area. I told her we were going to be about an hour because she already knew today was the ultrasound appointment.
She was still saying it’s my job to take my son to his sitter or come watch him myself because this was her job. I told her that wasn’t going to be possible to get an Uber or something to take him or ask her sister.
She kept insisting for me to come, all I said was I’ll call her when we’re out because I really didn’t want to get into a fight right now so hung up.
The appointment itself, along with the drive to get from the doctor’s office to my ex’s place was almost over an hour later. And she was so mad.
My ex told me she got yelled at by her boss because this is the 3rd time she’s been late and it was almost 2 hours after she was supposed to be in.
Now she’s saying it’s my fault she’s getting written up and on thin ice at work.
I didn’t take my son to his sitter’s house, he just hung out with us and after I went to drop him off again her sister was there telling me I’m an awful father putting my partner’s pregnancy first above my ex still have a job.
I mean I told her there were other options she just didn’t take it. But I’m still being called a jerk by them both when usually her sister is the rational one.
So that’s why I’m asking if I am. My son will always be important to me, I did come to pick him up even if it wasn’t at the second she wanted it to be.
But this was also an important moment for myself and my significant other to make sure our child is okay and healthy. AITJ?
Edit: This was my ex’s custody time with him btw.
I drop him off Sundays and then pick him back up Wednesdays because that’s the schedule we agreed on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t understand what your ex was expecting.
Your only options were to either miss the appointment, try to reschedule it, or let your ex be late to work (due to her own bad luck that’s outside of your control).
Considering this baby is yours as well, you should absolutely be there for those appointments. If they can’t be rescheduled easily, on a day that works for both you and your gf that still syncs with the correct week of pregnancy these appointments are supposed to happen, then it’s unreasonable for your ex to expect you to make last-minute accommodations for her.
Ultimately the health and well-being of your future baby and your partner are more important than your ex being late to work.
Your ex had some bad luck, and it’s inconvenient that it happened at a time when you could not help… but it should not mean you have to drop everything at any moment.
That’s a bad precedent to set with an ex anyway, and she should be thankful you even bothered to help at all. Some would have told her to kick rocks.
It sounds like your ex needs to find additional people she can depend on in these types of situations. You made the right call!” oceaquoise
Another User Comments:
“Is she the type of person to pull this type of stunt because you had an appointment with your new partner and child?
If so, that needs to be dealt with in documentation. It wasn’t your custody time, and this emergency (which could actually be one, but not on your side or during your time) feels ‘convenient’ to show that you ‘aren’t there’ when emergencies happen.
Document all of this. Screenshot, immediately pdf, and sign that these are the true things being said. DocuSign and others have free or low-cost accounts. Having true timestamps can matter.
Aside from all of that, her being on thin ice has nothing to do with you. Her holding a job that she’s been warned at for tardiness has nothing to do with you.
Could you have helped this day? Yes, but not without detriment to your current relationship and your own needs.
NTJ, it’s not your job to help keep your ex from being fired. Document everything.” Ladygytha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are as much a father to your unborn child as to your toddler. You are not a father to your ex who is old enough to make a judgment decision about getting to work via Uber or waiting for you.
Unless you made her late for work the other times too then I fail to see how her being in trouble at work is your fault.
I suggest she is feeling uncomfortable knowing you are in a relationship with another woman who is having your baby and concerned about what this will mean about your level of commitment to the child you already have.
Whilst you are definitely NTJ, perhaps reassuring her that you remain committed to your toddler even though you are creating a new family will alleviate some of her worries. This reassurance does not mean that you are responsible for her troubles at work though.” Unhappy-Professor-88
14. AITJ For Causing An Autistic Child To Leave The Movie Theater?
“The other day my partner and I went to a showing of Batman (Saturday afternoon). After we entered the theater, we noticed some kids behind us being loud. I didn’t mind really because the previews were playing and I figured it was best if they get their energy out before the movie starts.
They kept getting louder and eventually the kid slammed himself against the back of my chair, pushing me forward. I turned around, expecting some type of acknowledgment from the mother, but she said nothing.
I then got up and went to the front and told the employee that there were some loud kids in the theater running, screaming, and even hitting the back of my chair.
I said I was just letting them know, but the movie hadn’t started so it wasn’t a big deal. She explained that if they continued, she would talk to the parents.
I am guessing they received another complaint because shortly after (still before the movie began) the employee came up to me and explained the kid was autistic. I apologized to the employee.
I felt bad although it was a misunderstanding. I hadn’t even seen the kid because the only time I looked back was just at the mother. I also thought I heard two kids, as there was a baby crying and what sounded like two young kids.
The movie started and the baby was crying again and the kid was screaming for about 15 minutes. Then it was quiet for the rest of the movie. When the movie ended, I got up and saw only the father was sitting there, so they must have left 15 minutes in.
I know it’s hard being a mother in general, let alone having a child with autism. However, I think it doesn’t make sense to go to a movie theater, a place that is supposed to be quiet, with a crying baby and child that cannot control his screams. Also, the mother made no attempt to quiet the baby or prevent the other child from screaming.
I really hate being this person, and I felt awful after finding out one of the children was autistic and especially after seeing they had left. However, it doesn’t make sense for us to pay to watch a PG-13 movie and have children screaming and crying at the top of their lungs.
Even if we had moved forward, it was a small movie theater and it would’ve still been hard to pay attention to the movie. If they hadn’t left so quickly, I would’ve asked for a refund.
Note- I am sorry that I am terrible at retelling stories. I also have no idea how many children there were, but I would say 2 children and 1 baby. Additionally, I want to say I really feel bad for the parents because I know it must be an awful feeling whenever people react to their children in the way I did.
I really would just like to know whether am I the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, who brings a baby to a cinema? I’m autistic myself and have been told to be quiet or told to stop or be gentle throughout my life.
I also have a lot of experience working with autistic children. The fact that the parents made no attempt to calm their children speaks far more volumes than you requesting to enjoy the film you paid to see.
They should be preparing their children for adult life not using a diagnosis as an excuse not to parent, this helps no one. If the child cannot cope with the cinema experience, then that’s unfortunate, but should be used to make the decision as to whether that get taken to the cinema.
Perhaps they were testing the water and had already decided that they may have to leave during the film. Also if someone else complained then it wasn’t purely your complaint that caused them to leave.” Time-For-A-Brew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
As an autistic person, I think you did nothing wrong. They are in a public space, and the parents are responsible for looking out for their children’s safety and controlling their children’s behavior so that it is not disruptive to others.
Unfortunately, sometimes that entails leaving the area. As a toddler, I had to leave a few movie theaters because of the level of noise overwhelming me. That may have been the case for this young child.
You went there to enjoy a movie, and you had the right not to be disrupted. You were congenial and politely voiced your concerns to the employees. You did not discriminate based on the child’s neurodivergence, and you are not at fault for the children leaving.
Not to mention that children that young probably shouldn’t be watching a program rated PG-13 anyway.” Embarrassed_Dingo854
Another User Comments:
“As a parent of Autism, I’m sorry you had to put up with that during your movie-going experience.
I can only speak for myself, but I am very careful when taking my autistic son to any movie/event. I usually take precautions to prevent incidents like this from happening, such as bringing/buying specific snacks and drinks that I know help keep him calm, and I usually take the back row so there is no one behind him to accidentally hit if he’s rough with his seat.
I also try to take my son to the first showing of the day, sometimes as early as 11 am to have the smallest crowd possible and that helps keep him calm as well.
If there is a big crowd, I sometimes speak to the people around us to let them know we’re there and that if there are any issues to let me know so that I can deal with them asap.
Many of us try very hard to make sure incidents like the one you describe never happen, but the fact is they sometimes do occur. I happen to think Batman might not have been the best movie to take these kids to, but that’s just my opinion.
Taking a baby to Batman is not a good idea as the movie to that kid must be very scary, hence the crying. If these parents wanted to see this movie that bad, they should have gotten a babysitter and gone without the kids rather than dragging them all out to a movie that was not appropriate for them.
Also, you’re NTJ for wanting to have a calm and quiet time at the movies.” PJ_Lowry
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Study Room For My Stepdaughter?
“I (41F) have been living with my partner Matt (40M) for two years, together for four. Matt has a daughter, Phoebe (F7), who lives with her mum, literally around the corner.
It’s maybe a three-minute walk between our houses, so Phoebe spends a lot of time at ours but always sleeps at her mum’s.
However, Phoebe’s mum is moving to a bigger house because she’s expecting another baby.
This means Phoebe will be about thirty minutes away, so will be spending nights with us.
We have what’s technically a two-bed house, but one of those bedrooms is my study.
I WFH in a job with high data security requirements. Matt wants me to give up my study so Phoebe can have a bedroom. While I could technically put a bed in my study and share it with Phoebe, it would make it harder for me to work, and it would mean she couldn’t be in her bedroom during working hours.
I’ve suggested that either we move to a three-bedroom house, or look at converting our attic into a bedroom. Either of these options would involve borrowing and Matt has a near-phobia of debt due to his chaotic childhood.
(I own our current house outright, having inherited it from my gran before I met Matt. I don’t charge him rent; we split utilities and groceries proportionate to income; I cover all maintenance costs but he helps out with the labor.)
He says I’m being selfish for putting myself before Phoebe. I say he’s being selfish for the same reason.
Update: Matt is not a freeloading loser. He works close to full time as a pediatrics nurse (slightly reduced hours so he can care for Phoebe after school), supported us for a year or so while I was getting my business off the ground.
and does most of the housework. Frankly, he’s a gem and I’m lucky to have him.
We sat down and had a less fraught discussion about things. He’s panicking about Phoebe moving away and the impact it will have on his relationship with her.
He also hadn’t realized just how much my business is bringing in now and thought I was being foolish with the amount of I was throwing around on holidays, etc. The thought of adding a hefty debt on top of the panic about Phoebe had him over-reacting.
We’ve gone over the figures, and worked out there’s a good chance I can pay for the loft conversion without having to take out a loan if we just get professionals in for the structural side of things and do the rest of the work ourselves.
We’re going to get a couple of quotes and see how the numbers play out, but this is looking very likely (with my office being in the loft).
And for people telling me Phoebe isn’t my stepdaughter – maybe not legally but she is in every way that counts.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ at all, OP. You’re willing to move from your paid-off home or renovate it to accommodate his daughter. It’s not even his house, and he’s living with you expense-free and making demands like this?
Take out the loan, in your name. He can spend the funds he’s saving on rent and other expenses for a while to pay ‘rent’ in order to help pay down the loan, but keep everything in your name.
Or do the renovation to create a new office, but do it regardless.
Kiddo is gonna want the attic bedroom through. Kids absolutely LOVE attic and basement bedrooms. It’s got an extra flair of separation for them, and they love the quirk of it.
My oldest daughter practically sprinted to claim the bedroom in our finished basement when we moved in; I made the other ‘bedroom’ down there that’s way too small to be considered a proper bedroom into my office and classroom (I homeschool the younger two).
Having a place to work when you work from home is incredibly important. Give that kid the bedroom kids dream of!
Come to think of it- OP, due to his chaotic childhood, is there a chance that he may like you but pursued you more than he otherwise would have so that he could live in a more financially secure situation?
I don’t say that to be a jerk, but he’s got some real entitlement here, thinking that he gets to make demands about the home that someone else owns and he lives in rent-free, especially given the far more reasonable options you’ve presented. Why does he feel so entitled to make demands about your house?
Childhood or not, it’s your home, and what you say goes.” MadameTrafficJam
Another User Comments:
“Dearest OP, you are most definitely NTJ.
You may however ever be in an uneven relationship with an opportunistic cheapskate.
If your bf was living in his own 1 bedroom apartment, this situation would require him to spend the extra funds on 2 br at some point. Kids cost a lot, he signed up for that fiduciary obligation when he participated in creating her.
OP, I’m concerned about his motives for pursuing a woman who has a great job, no doubt a great personality, a house and has her ************ all around. I’d feel otherwise if he was willingly paying rent to contribute toward upkeep (roofs, hot water tanks, and appliances eventually need replacing) and annual property taxes, but he’s not.
He doesn’t have a fear of debt issue, he has a hoarding issue. We all design our lives around what is most precious too is, he has designed his life to hoard for himself as much of his resources as he can.
So precious is his hoard, he isn’t moved by the needs of his own daughter and instead willingly emasculates himself by pressuring you to give up your office. You are the homeowner.
Stand your ground. There’s far more going on here than meets the eye that will have long-reaching effects on your relationship. If he is your ‘one’, I suggest you seek therapy (you’ll probably have to pay!) and get this resolved before you start feeling like his cow.
Best of luck OP” SIPnSMIRK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, she needs space but your job requires you to have a secure room for work. My hubby has had the same issue since the office got closed down, we’re fortunate enough that our house has a dedicated office but it was my office and I gave it to him when he came home and said his office was closed. I have a laptop and don’t need security for my job as he does for his, so I work from the couch or kitchen table, anyway… You should totally look for another place or convert the attic into your office.
I totally get he wants space for his daughter but you’ve given him options since just giving the room to her isn’t a feasible option. I also get he doesn’t like debt but if you rent out your place and move to say closer to his daughter it can help offset the cost of a new place, it probably won’t cover the entire cost but you obviously need more room.
I get you’re not trying to snub his daughter but he needs to be fair about the situation, you wfh so you need the space, she visits not permanently living with you.” womanroaring78
12. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Husband To The ER?
“We’re both guys. M39, M40, together 7 years.
We had different cultures growing up. Assume we both had a fever as children. His mom took him to the (free, gov’t-funded) hospital at 99°F.
Mine waited until Tylenol couldn’t keep a fever below 103.5°F. So, that could be a factor here.
I DO believe he has a real condition that needs real medical treatment.
I suspect he’s suffering from anxiety attacks, or possibly an immune disorder like MCAS.
He’s suffering fatigue and headaches, he’s belching nonstop with frequent heartburn, there’s tingling in his fingertips, and he’s having hot flashes.
Sometimes he can be lying still in bed and his pulse will reach 100bpm. He is not ok.
But here’s the thing: I’ve already taken him to the ER twice in the past week for the same issues (plus once last month), and they just sent him home with some Valium.
He thought he was having a heart attack once; ER Doc said his pectoral muscle was twitching while his heart was acting just fine.
I have BEGGED him, REPEATEDLY, to see a psychological specialist to see if his symptoms are related to stress and anxiety.
He says that I’m a jerk for suggesting it’s ‘all in his head’. He has never set up any sort of psychological or psychiatric appointment. Meanwhile, he’s been to a neurologist, a cardiologist, a gastroenterologist, and three ER trips.
They have all failed to find anything wrong, and STILL, he believes he’s about to give up.
Tonight he said he was scared for his life and needed a doctor ASAP.
I said he was ‘probably fine, take some Benadryl and let’s check your stats in the morning’. We argued, and I said I would NOT take him to the ER again until he’s seen a psychiatrist. He drives himself to the ER.
I’ve tried calling since he left and he just texted back, ‘If you really cared you wouldn’t be so dismissive.’
I felt like I would just be enabling hypochondria if I’d taken him tonight, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t know what’s the cause of his symptoms. But neither does he. For some reason, he’s convinced he’s going to die, but while it’s not certain what causes his symptoms he did get a diagnosis on what it’s not and that it is not life-threatening, multiple times at this point.
I get that he’s upset since he’s legit scared and experiences these symptoms and it seems like you’re dismissing them, but it’s right that you don’t enable this irrationality.
You drove him to the ER three times already.
Each time they told him, that he does not currently experience a medical emergency and sent him home with valium, which aligns pretty well with your suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist. What did he think having you sacrifice another night to bring him to the ER would bring?
He’d just get valium again, which is something that he could have done way ahead if he was willing to tackle the situation.
I don’t think it’s right that you seem to suspect he’s being a hypochondriac about it, but I also get your suspicion.
He literally got valium in the ER, all tests were negative so far and he’s refusing to see a psychiatrist (a lot of neurologists are also psychiatrists so he could have even gotten two medical assessments in one visit)
I occasionally get panic attacks which can have fairly similar symptoms. Sure, it was scary the first few times, but what exactly would the benefit of asking my partner to get me to the ER every time I get one to be?
(I never got one at home but I also never went to the ER for one) The difference is that I immediately knew it was a panic attack and your husband doesn’t know what’s going on, but he still got told multiple times that he is not in danger.
I think he’s being a jerk about it, but I don’t think he’s necessarily to blame for that either.” Not_Obsessive
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here with a teeeeeeensy bit of YTJ — but I get it.
He may very well have a physical condition that needs treatment, but he is also undeniably having a panic response. These panic attacks are possibly even MASKING the condition doctors are looking for because his heart stops doing whatever it’s doing and instead goes into panic attack mode.
It’s not ‘enabling’ hypochondria to get him treatments for those symptoms. Valium is the treatment for what he’s experiencing.
Your husband is definitely experiencing actual physiological symptoms. They may not be indicative of what he’s thinking, but the panic attacks he’s likely suffering because of those thoughts cannot be helping– If he’s afraid he’s having a heart attack, a panic attack is going to reinforce that fear as it makes your heart race.
I had the exact same thing happen a while back.
Here’s where the YTJ comes in: You should not be pushing the ‘I’m not helping you, go to a psychiatrist’ angle when he’s in the middle of a panic attack.
Why would you add stress to someone who is so stressed that they’re having a physical reaction? Do you want him to actually have a heart attack? And you let someone who was having a panic attack DRIVE??????????
It’s hard to make yourself get help for mental health. I’ve long suffered from medical anxiety — nowhere near as severe as your husband seems to, but I’ve always had fears of sudden heart failures, seizures, etc despite having no reason to suspect I’m at risk.
Frame it how I did in the first paragraph — treating anxiety first can’t make it worse, and it could likely lead to easier identification of the actual problem at hand.
Anti-anxiety meds don’t affect your heart as much as your brain, and stopping his brain from sending him into a panic spiral will make it a lot easier for a doctor to figure out what’s going on with his body.” alexusTOTH
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/Everyone sucks here.
Look, it’s not completely unusual for real medical conditions to be dismissed as ‘just anxiety’. Just because you haven’t found the cause yet doesn’t mean it’s all psychological for 100% certainty.
Secondly, the ER can offer anti-anxiety meds during severe panic attacks? You literally said, ‘They sent him home with Valium’. While he should get a prescription, if he’s really having panic attacks, getting some valium from the ER may help calm down his panic attack in progress in the short term.
It likely feels better, in the short term, compared to doing absolutely nothing. And if he’s lucky, a doctor in the ER may smarten up and refer him to someone who can really help him– again, the far inferior option to ‘finding a psychologist himself’, but for someone suffering anxiety the alternative to that might end up being ‘literally doing nothing’ (either because he’s convinced it’s not anxiety or because he’s too anxious to do so.) You’re his husband, you can likely schedule an appointment with a psychologist on his behalf and do the heavy lifting here, if that second bit is the problem, on the assumption he’ll go along with it.” Kittenn1412
I absolutely would, when he is not spiraling, have a serious talk where:
1. You offer unconditional support and understanding. Please believe him that he is experiencing something horrible and he is not to blame or bringing this on himself. Just that reassurance will build trust and help him to trust your perceptions more when he is not in a great state of mind.
2. Yes, suggest seeing a psych. BUT please put it as you want him to have his own stash of anxiety meds to deal with the symptoms until he can get to the root of the problem, instead of having to go to the ER to get them metered out one incident at a time. Knowing you have help in that form in your pocket makes the symptoms less intense, you are not at their mercy.
3. Go get a work up with a doc that believes him. For symptoms like this it is actually statically more probable there is a physical cause, but it is not easy to diagnose and doctors are human and take the easy way out a lot, ie: dismissing the patient. There are wholistic practices (of MD's) that center completely on figuring out the root causes of such symptoms. They are expensive, but life altering.
11. AITJ For Not Cleaning My Mom's Room And House?
“I’m a 25 female and I live with my mother while I’m in school, I don’t work during my semester because I’m a full-time student. Now onto my issue – I’ve always taken care of my own room (I have severe OCD).
For a long while as a child and teenager, I always helped clean and often did the majority of it. I recently cleaned our whole kitchen as well as our living room before leaving for my spring break but when I came back it was all undone.
My mom also does not take care of her own room, I’ve talked to her before about being concerned that she may be hoarding things – I’ve also brought this up to my siblings (21F) and 29 (M) and they agree about this – because of all of this I’ve honestly given up on trying to keep the house straight.
I don’t know how to manage my schoolwork, my own room, and my OCD if I’m deep cleaning a whole house.
Recently my mom has started to badger me about doing this (the deep cleaning) and I’ve ended up telling her I’m refusing to clean things that will be undone the moment I turn around and that her room is not my responsibility (I want to add I have bought her multiple boxes and storage bins for her to use to try to help!) After I did this she got very upset and told me that she was tired of me just doing my schoolwork and cleaning my room instead of taking care of the house.
AITJ for telling my mom I refuse to clean if it’s just going to be undone and that her room isn’t my responsibility?”
Another User Comments:
“Regardless of her support and no formal agreement, you should be doing more than just taking care of your own space simply because the teamwork is uneven.
My 23-year-old daughter lives with me and her bf is over a lot. I support her but she does pay for her personal things. I still expect her to do more of the cleaning.
Not my room but the rest of the place even when I contribute to the dish mess.
Be a team player. Also no jerks here.” billkingoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in no way.
If I was you I would just completely ignore your mother just focus on your studies keep your room clean. You could go and tell your mother that you’re going to move out as soon as you can and ask her who’s going to clean the house then.
Your mother is using you since you cleaned the house in the past she’s expecting you to keep doing it.” Wise-Caterpillar8301
Another User Comments:
“The very nature of housework is that it gets undone.
But it seems like you might be talking about more than a few dirty dishes. If you are not able to move out, maybe you could sit down and calculate the number of hours of labor for rent each week.
Put in those hours in shared living areas, and stay out of your mum’s room. I’m going with ‘no jerks here’.” aussietex
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom is trying to make you her maid. However, don’t be surprised if you are told you need to move out. You are an adult that does not pay rent and now you don’t want to clean common areas.
You need to talk with her and come to an agreement on who is responsible for what.” RedditDK2
10. AITJ For Cleaning My Roommate's Trash?
“My roommate is genuinely one of the sweetest people you can meet, as well as her family. We get along well which is why it frustrates me that I have such a problem with this:
I love her when I say this, but she is also incredibly forgetful, messy, and dependent. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m convinced she actually has no idea how to do ANYTHING involving cleaning.
I’ve lived with her for 4 months and never seen her touch a cleaning product. This and other context leads me to believe her parents coddled her when it comes to chores.
(She brings laundry home to her mom every weekend and needs directions when cleaning a spill).
Here’s where the real problem starts. She’s very artistic and hates to throw things away.
(She’s an environmental major). At first, I thought it was cool to see her recycled creations, but turns out, she only uses a tiny portion of what she saves
So far she has: Kept cardboard + empty cartons in the living room for months (we all used this for a Halloween decorating contest and each cleaned our part.
Except for her of course). She kept jars of composing in her cabinet when she doesn’t actually know what to do with them/how to compost. She kept empty toilet paper rolls on the sink top.
She left out a small bottle of ACTUAL milk s.he used for Halloween costume for days (even after I reminded her) until it grew mold. She left tomatoes rotting to the point where they grew white fuzz for compost (again… she doesn’t even know how)
This is all added to the fact that again, she does not clean up in general. (She shares a bathroom with me too… not fun). Every time I passively remind her/to ask what she is going to do with her stuff she either says ‘I’ll do it later!’ Or tells me she forgot.
That’s where I feel bad, she GENUINELY forgets. Recently, I’ve had it and been more direct.
I threw away a pair of toilet paper rolls that have been sitting on the sink for a week now.
Additionally, I grabbed the milk cartons mentioned above and told her I would send put them in the recycle bins outside (which she hesitantly took to her room saying ‘Haha, I forgot I kept those there!’
The second part gives me some relief and I plan on being more direct to show her it’s been a problem.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the spoiled food is a health hazard, and she needs to know that leaving stuff like that around isn’t acceptable.
I don’t make it a habit of armchair diagnosing on Reddit, but she definitely sounds like she fits the bill for ADHD-Inattentive Type. Especially her ‘piles’ of things, and the fact that it’s literally ‘out of sight, out of mind’ for her.
Is she also similarly inattentive in her studies (always pulling all-nighters/writing papers out of her butt right up until the deadline), prone to procrastinating, constantly running late?
My ADHD went undiagnosed until I was 30… finally getting on medication felt like I was putting glasses on my brain.
If she truly has ADHD and can get help at 20, she would be able to navigate the world sooo much better.” marifullofgrace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cleaning is a kinda mundane task and forgetfulness is something common.
But in your situation, it’s getting to the point where it becomes problematic. Not only is the space getting taken away that could have been used for other, more useful stuff, but it also becomes more unhygienic.
Rotten Tomatoes can become a health hazard as you can breathe in the mold spores. So it necessary for you to have a talk with your roommate about it.” -Expert-Cut-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just let her know respectfully you are getting annoyed by the forgetfulness, and negotiate about the common areas, so if she wants to recycle or compost anything she has to take it to her room and it can not be left on the common areas unless it belongs there, let her know you will help her sort everything that is on the kitchen/living room so you guys can have better space if you don’t want the confrontation you can always say you want to give all things away or throw them out because of ‘minimalism’.” miwi2097
9. AITJ For Taking Over A Birthday Party Planning?
“My wife and I have been separated since the end of November. We have been fairly amicable in regards to the separation. I would like to work on our problems and get back together.
She does not. The kids (a 5-year-old girl and an 8-year-old boy with ASD) have birthdays in February and typically we would have a joint birthday party in the middle of the month for both kids.
This would typically fall on a Sunday.
Sunday is one of my custody days. I tried contacting her via messenger requesting to talk. Here is what they looked like:
‘Let me know when you are available to talk.
If you want to come over for dinner we’re doing birria tacos, or tomorrow I think we’ll be doing ham.’
This was ignored.
We go into therapy and for the first time I bring this up.
I let her and the therapist know that I have a laundry list of things with the kids that need to be discussed and at the top of it is the kid’s birthday parties.
I haven’t heard anything from my wife so I’ve had to start looking at venues and setting the whole thing up on my own. In therapy, she finally agrees to sit down with me and go over these things.
We do so. It’s 99% decided that we’ll be booking the local bowling alley for the party. I visit the place, everything looks good and I book the venue. I contact my wife and set up the social media event and start the process of doing invitations so the kids can have them ready for Monday.
I ask her to look everything over and add whoever she likes to the event to make sure I get it to her liking. I hear nothing for 3 days and then I get this:
‘I’m just going to lay it out, the way you have taken over this birthday really blindsided me and is making me upset. I’m trying to be thankful for having it taken care of but the kids’ birthday parties have always been something I have planned and taken care of with minimal help or input from you.
You were never interested in it and a couple of times missed most of the party despite knowing when it was scheduled and having ample ability to keep yourself free.
You taking complete control of this down to going ahead and inviting people (and random people who are not family or one of the kids’ friends) feels like a stab at me and an attempt to have control.’
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to plan a party for your kids. If she doesn’t want to have a joint party, that’s up to her.
Let her plan her own. Your wife sounds like she’s going to make life very difficult. Forget about reconciling and move on. Get a good lawyer. I don’t think much of a parent who can’t put their grievances aside for one day to make her kids’ birthday celebration special, but that’s something only she can control.
Ignoring messages about kids is infantile and inappropriate. You’re co-parenting for the long haul. She better get used to it.” Awkward-Mix-283
Another User Comments:
“Firstly why are you kids having joint birthday parties, just because their birthdays are close together in the month – that’s a YTJ in itself.
You assumed because it was on your custody day you did all the arranging, she ignored you (I’m guessing there is some reasoning behind this that you haven’t said and probably to do with the divorce).
If you’re not bothered in the past then yeah I can see why she feels resentful but same time least you’re making an effort now I guess.
You both need to take the emotion out of it and just plan a birthday party, or better yet let your kids have their own parties with their own friends.” England_emma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for clarification purposes, I am a mother who co-parents.
You have given her EVERY opportunity to work on the birthday, have a say, and be a part of the process.
It sounds more like she doesn’t want to do a joint birthday and just doesn’t have the balls to be like ‘Hey, I think we should make this a separate thing.’
Coparenting is NOT easy. There are a lot of emotions involved and sometimes it’s hard to damper those for the sake of your children. You both are human, none of this is something that has a handbook, and as long as you guys are both putting the kids first…
you are doing a good job.
For the sake of argument, I also am the one who usually ‘does all the planning’ when it comes to my kid’s birthday and it is very difficult for me to hand over the reins on that too.
But that comes from MY OWN issues with insecurity in my parenting and wanting to be ‘a good mom’, it has ZERO bearing on my son’s father’s capability – NOR SHOULD IT.
I wouldn’t assume it’s the same for her, but it’s just a perspective I have that may be helpful for you to keep in mind.
I’d flat out ask her if she would like to start doing separate birthday parties.
It sounds like she feels her boundaries aren’t being respected and is lashing out because of that. None of that is your fault, but for the sake of your kids, it may be better to plan your own party for them if she’s unwilling to work with you on a joint one.” imightbe_analien
8. AITJ For Coming To A Friend's Competition?
“So (17m) I went to an event where my friend (16f) was in a dancing competition. She had a Solo and a Group dance. In the Group dance, she managed to get a silver medal was super happy for her and all but earlier she had a Solo dance and unfortunately didn’t manage to get any placement.
She blames me for her slipping and is quite unhappy with me. Now, weeks prior she decided to tell me that she can get me a ticket if I wanted to, so I thought I was invited I decided to get the tickets myself to surprise her and like a week later she tells me you know what, maybe it would be better if I didn’t go.
At this point, I had bought a train ticket to a place 400km from home and the ticket to get to enter the event itself. I also asked a bunch of buddies and they told me that It would be a good idea to go.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She shouldn’t be blaming her performance issues on you. You went there to support her, and she decided you are to blame for her issues.” EvocativeEnigma
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say ‘everyone sucks here’ actually, but your friend way more than you.
She didn’t perform well enough to place. So instead of owning up to her inadequacies and reflecting upon what she could do to improve, she instead decided to blame you.
This is a very unhealthy coping mechanism for failure.
But… she did tell you a week before that she didn’t want you there. You should have owned up to already buying a ticket then.
You shouldn’t be surprised that your surprise wasn’t well received.
So yeah, everyone sucks here. You very mildly, her massively.” literalgarbageyo
7. WIBTJ If I Told My Sister-In-Law To Sit On The Couch?
“About 6 or 7 months ago my sister-in-law and my brother came down to visit me and she broke my recliner.
By broken I mean she sat in it and the armrest fell off because of how big she is and it’s a small recliner. They didn’t offer to fix it they just laughed and carried on as if nothing happened. I haven’t been able to replace it or get it fixed so it’s just sitting in my living room without an armrest. Now she and my brother wanna come down and visit me again but I don’t want any more furniture broken so I’m thinking of telling her that she can either sit on my couch or the chair she broke.
Would that make me a jerk if I told her that??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Former extremely fat girl here, still big, we know we can’t sit on just anything.
Only the truly delusional will deny this, the rest of us looks for the sturdiest seat in the house to avoid breaking anything. You know your house and your furniture.
But if she’s sensitive about it just make sure to guide her to it gently and casually, then only need to explain if she resists or tries to move to another chair.
Or call her beforehand and discuss it in private without anyone to overhear.” blablamcbla
Another User Comments:
“If they broke it and didn’t make an offer to help repair it, then I think it’s reasonable of you.
But I would suggest talking to your brother (or whichever of them) you’re closest with in advance and letting them know so it doesn’t become a confrontation or embarrassing situation when they show up.
(and, for that matter, it’s a chance to let them know you haven’t been able to fix the chair she broke and an opportunity for them to offer to make it right) NTJ.” turnerjazz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At 500lbs she is past the weight limit for most furniture. If you want to be paid back for the chair- speak up asap. If you are okay not getting paid but want no more breakage then check your furniture weight limits for what she can sit on – beds, sofas?
Be sure before offering. Look into the prices of the weight-based chair for her at your house. Buying a chair she can sit in to replace the broken one would do alot to help her feel welcome in your home.
This is a health issue to deal with logically, not a character flaw she is being attacked for. The right attitude can go a long way to cut back on future awkwardness.” bscrolling
6. AITJ For Not Paying My Parents Back?
“I (25F) am currently borrowing money from my parents to go to grad school instead of taking out a federal or private loan. Recently my grandma was diagnosed with cancer and long story short, my tuition was paid for out of her bank account for 2 semesters in order to ease possibly future financial burdens for her and my family (nursing home expenses).
Together it was a little less than 25K. She has passed away since and now my parents are expecting me to pay them back the amount she paid for my tuition.
I fully intended to pay her back when she was alive and I am paying my parents back for everything they have paid for this far and in the future.
However, I don’t think I should be paying my parents back the moolah that was my grandma’s as it was never theirs. They think that I should pay them back, or at least pay my sister (23F) (who was not in school at the time) half of what my grandma paid for me to be ‘fair’.
I offered a possible solution where they take the remaining funds from my Grandma to pay off my sister’s existing student debt and her future school expenses (which are much less than mine and there are definitely more than enough funds to cover it) so she has no student debt versus keeping it for themselves but they didn’t like that option either.
Am I being selfish or are my parents being weird about money?
EDIT: There was no formal plan/contract to pay my grandmother back when she was alive. My dad is the sole beneficiary of all of her possessions.
I also do not have a contract/formal plan to pay my parents back either but I do keep track of my expenses on a spreadsheet and regularly share it with them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The way it looks from your post is that you were borrowing the funds for school from your parents – however, when your Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, instead of using their coins to pay for those 2 semesters of tuition for you, they used the funds from her account so that their finances could be used to pay for the nursing home expenses.
It wasn’t moolah that was being given to you from your grandmother, but rather funds from her account since their money was being used to take care of her. If your Grandmother hadn’t gotten ill, then your parents would have paid for those two semesters with their own funds, and it would have been included in the amount that you are borrowing from them – and indeed you state in your post ‘I fully intended to pay her back when she was alive.’
Now that your Grandmother has passed (I’m very sorry for your loss) that money does need to be repaid in one way or another.
You said in your post ‘However, I don’t think I should be paying my parents back the funds that were my grandma’s as it was never theirs’ – but it actually was theirs.
It was your Dad inheritance, not YOUR inheritance.
You said that your Grandmother’s estate went to your Dad. If your Grandmother had lived, you’d have had to pay your Grandmother back (or your parents would have paid her back and then you’d have paid them back) so you do need to pay it back to your Dad.
You said they gave you the option to pay half of it back to your sister so that she would benefit from half that money, which would be fair. IMHO that’s a very generous solution because you will only be paying back half of those two semesters rather than both.
In reality, it was very generous of your parents to lend you the funds so you wouldn’t have to take out student loans, for which there is interest.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Hmm, it really all depends on how your grandma was going to split up her money IMO. I think I’m going to rule NTJ and that you shouldn’t have to pay your parents for it because it’s basically your dad not wanting to share his inheritance.” sapphirecupcake8
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for not having clear terms on borrowing this moolah. You and your parents need to sit down and make it very clear how this is supposed to work and how much you owe them and the terms of repayment.
It makes perfect sense that your dad would have g-ma ‘gift’ you the moolah instead of him inheriting it and then loaning it to you, in order to avoid inheritance tax.
So you do owe him this amount as if he had loaned it to you if this is why it was done this way. However, g-ma could have just as easily meant to truly gift you this money.
Without having specifically discussed the terms, you are left not understanding what was meant.” RealTalkFastWalk
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Steals Most Of My Gifts?
“My significant other is a hardcore believer of ‘steal from the rich, give to the poor’ and often takes little things from airports, malls, and even most of his groceries.
The problem is that I don’t really vibe with that, and pay for everything unless he’s around. Anyways, he travels a lot and gets me little trinkets, and when I ask, most of the time he says that he took them.
I cringe silently and don’t want to fight over something so small, especially since it’s a gift. Finances aren’t really an issue either. I suppose he does have quite a bit stowed away since he doesn’t spend coins hardly ever.
Anyways, am I a jerk for even questioning my SO for getting me stuff?
Edit: not an excuse, but he grew up pretty poor and had to do a lot of stuff to get through it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By accepting these ‘gifts’ you are condoning his thievery. It’s people like him that, collectively, contribute to rising costs. All he’s accomplishing is driving up costs, so this whole stealing from the rich and giving to the poor will ultimately make it so ‘poor people’ can afford even less.
I’m guessing he’s no longer a child, but this attitude and his criminal tendencies point to his being 12. Why are you with him?” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are making excuses for his stealing. It is not a Robinhood complex, it is called shoplifting. You try to excuse it by saying he grew up poor, but there are plenty of poor people who don’t steal stuff, especially after they start earning.
You also say you don’t do it when alone, does that mean you do when he is? That makes you a shoplifter and a theft.
Him – stealing things, makes him a theft/shoplifter/criminal.
You are both jerks.” Lex1982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a criminal committing a crime. Theft is a crime. Not only that but receiving stolen property is also a crime so now he’s also made YOU a criminal. Right now might seem like he’s only taking small things but don’t wait for those things to become bigger and more expensive.
You need to put your foot down on this matter because if anyone finds out you’re complying with this behavior YOU could and would get in trouble too. You know most places have cameras, right?
If the owners end up following up with police then eventually they could track him down they do that and start asking where he stashed all his stolen goods, can you trust he won’t rat you out?” CemiSW
Another User Comments:
“So his background isn’t an excuse… I grew up well under the poverty line and in extreme neglect, but I’m not out stealing from people.
Because of him and people like him, grocery stores raise the prices for the rest of us. He’s probably out there stealing family momentos from random people, who probably aren’t even all that rich.
Jeff Bezos doesn’t fly commercials lol, what rich does he think he’s stealing from?
Your significant other is just a regular jerk thief, he’s not Robin Hood, and you’re ok benefiting from it I guess.
Btw, receiving stolen goods is a crime and you can be prosecuted too. Also, a lot of stores will allow you to steal while they know about it until you get to a certain amount, and then they’ll bring harsh charges against you via the police.
It’s easier to win a case when you can show repeated intentional theft for a higher dollar amount. So it really is just a matter of time with the kind of loss prevention technology out there.
Hope he’s not going to target lol. They will screw you up for stealing. You suck for enabling this by not condemning it beyond, ‘oh no please don’t do it.’ I’d leave such a person.
Everyone sucks here.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood
4. AITJ For Not Paying A Kid Who Shoveled My Driveway?
“I shovel my own driveway every day when it snows. Last week some kid (probably 12 years old) shoveled the driveways of everyone in my area in neighborhood. I never asked him to.
He then says he’s charging 15 dollars. We didn’t have much snow it would’ve been like 5 minutes of work at most. I told him no because I didn’t ask him to do it.
He then got his parents involved who came over to me and told me I should pay them and that I’m a heartless jerk. I just closed the door.
My wife says I could’ve been nicer.
I think these people are rude entitled jerks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the kid’s parents are the jerks if your account is 100 percent of the story. It’s worth a quick call to your homeowner’s insurance to understand what would happen if he cut his foot off while mowing and you were sued for the loss incurred on your property.
Then ask them how to avoid any liability they see.
Personally, I love your entrepreneurs that want to mow lawns, I’d like to hire them, after I check with their parents and make sure that I won’t be on the hook for injuries, etc. I did countless yards when I was a kid, and never once tried such a scam.
If it were me, I would probably send a letter to the parents, and another certified copy of that same letter with delivery notice, and probably record me sending them on my phone.
It would say something to the effect of this letter is to notify you that you and your children are not welcome to perform services of any kind for me, or on my property, without advance wrote notice.
Failure to respect this boundary will result in my contacting the appropriate authorities. I’m not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice. But I bet an attorney could give you an answer very quickly, with a brief phone call, of how to handle this type of behavior from your neighbor.” GulfCoastLover
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ at all.
It’s one thing if they want to ask beforehand. It’s another if they do it anyways and ask for ‘donations’ with a ‘suggested amount’ of $15 and being happy with whatever they get (even if it’s nothing).
Either of those is appropriate.
But to say you must pay them for a service you did not ask for? I’d tell them to pound sand.
I currently shovel my entire neighborhood’s public walk for the kicks and giggles (also an excuse to drive my ATV) and have never once asked anyone to pay me.
I’ve gotten $200+ in donations this year. Not even close to what it’d be if I charged, after all, it’s been hard a dozen snowfalls for over 80 houses, a park, and occasionally a condominium property, but enough to cover fuel and put some towards blade refurbishment.
Maybe I ought to sell doing to their door as well, $15/house I’d already be at $7200.” Christopher-RTO
Another User Comments:
“Those are delicate waters to maneuver, because you want to be nice and neighborly and all that but at the same time as you pointed out you didn’t ask him to do the work.
I would have to bite the bullet paid the kid the $15 but make it clear to him that ‘please do not shovel my driveway again I rather do it myself but thank you, also you might want to ask first cause you might run into someone who won’t pay you since you know they never asked you or hired you to shovel their driveway… have a nice day kid’ to me $15 isn’t much to keep the overall harmony and peace.
Now to the point of if you are a jerk? I would say that all depends on how you treated the child but for the actual denying to pay I say no. I say if you’re the jerk for not paying then so are his parents cause the parents should have just paid the kid $15 out of their own pockets and taught him a lesson about how business works.
I personally don’t think the kid did anything wrong per se just inexperience and learning about life through experiences. I respect his hustle.” TestSounds
3. AITJ For Telling My Employee That I'm Not Helping Her With Her Event Anymore?
“I work for a medium-sized engineering firm, we are in one of the satellite offices.
So long story short, one of the employees on another team decided to set up a March Madness bracket, and everyone in the office is allowed to participate and the one who places best gets free merchandise from the company we usually give to clients.
We were having a meeting on Monday and one of my direct contacts, Lisa asked if this bracket included women’s sports. I was like no it’s just men. She is like that’s completely unfair and that we need to promote women’s sports.
I was like this isn’t coming from the company, it’s from an employee who is setting it up. She is like well he should do for both men’s and women’s brackets.
I was like you are more than welcome to set up a woman’s bracket and I can get HR to create a prize pool for your bracket as well.
She got even madder at that saying that it’s BS that we need to step up and be more inclusive as a company. I was like no one is stopping you.
She then says she isn’t into basketball in general, but that there are people in this company who are and we are robbing that opportunity for those that are into women’s basketball.
She then goes on to say that the person who set up the men’s bracket should be required to do both, especially since the company is giving away prizes. I was like let me know before Thursday if you find someone who does want to set up the women’s bracket.
Was I wrong here? HR did not get involved at all, and I don’t want this to become a bigger of a deal than it is but personally I just wanted to see if I handled it well.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
‘I was like this isn’t coming from the company and everyone in the office is allowed to participate and the one who places best gets free merchandise from the company.’
This is a company-supported and company-promoted gambling game. The fact that your HR is cool with letting random employees set up gambling pools is a little odd, but if you’re gonna do it then it should be inclusive.
How did you miss that this was a massive easy win for you that HR would love? Being resistant to the idea isn’t great, especially when engineering firms are generally so hard up for hiring women engineers.
It’s like 15 minutes worth of work that is a nice feather in your cap as a manager, and instead, you’re making a scene about it that’s going to get your wrist slapped.” rhomboidus
Another User Comments:
“This employee is calling the person who started this bracket and you a misogynist.
Attack her and don’t stop until one of you is gone from the company.
Be ruthless.
Otherwise, this person is going to snowball this beyond your control and you may end up on the rough end of it, but she’ll also have destroyed the activity and this other employee.
People who call you a hateful bigot via implication cannot be ignored. They’ll keep clawing at the insides of an organization until it’s destroyed.
Imagine this person utilizing any small amount of power they’re handed. Imagine their judgment if they ever got hiring power.
They’ll have no qualms about discrimination against people under the guise of ‘evening the playing field’ in whatever arbitrary way they feel like on that day.
NTJ.” yangmearo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re right that you can’t make the employee set up a women’s bracket on their own time, with their own resources.
However, if company resources (e.g., company email, time on the clock) are being used for this, it should not discriminate.
This is certainly a way in which employees network – and discrimination in unofficial social activities that allow networking is a real problem.
As a supervisor, your position probably needs to be ‘both or neither.’ If an employee is organizing things for other employees, using work resources, they should not be discriminating.
It’s not too different from if an employee organized a ‘men’s night out’ at a bar, and invited only male employees. The networking going on, casually discussing work topics, would exclude women.
You can’t make the employee set up a women’s bracket. But you can make them take a men’s-only bracket out of the workplace because having a discriminatory activity within the workplace using work resources isn’t appropriate.
They can set it up for their friends who aren’t at work.
If you aren’t going to insist that this doesn’t discriminate, then you need to get company resources out of it.
Otherwise, the company is promoting discrimination.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
I could be wrong, but I would suspect no one there actually follows women's enough to completely win the bracket anyway. If someone seriously wants one set up for women, I would bet they are the one that could get it close, so just go ahead and give them the prize.
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Roommate For Getting An Emotional Support Animal?
“One of my current roommates asked me and my other roommates if we would consider allowing her to get a cat as her emotional support animal. I am currently studying abroad but still paying for rent and wifi for the apartment that we share.
We each have our own rooms. We are all in college.
N texted me and asked if I was willing to have a conversation about the cat, which I was open to.
It was pretty in-depth; she’s never owned a pet before, so I was pretty intense with my questioning and made sure to be clear that I wanted satisfactory answers to my questions before I was on board.
Any question you can think of I probably asked. She didn’t have answers for everything, and the conversation ended with me saying, ‘I’m not totally on board, and I think we need to have a larger group conversation before moving forward.’ We never ended up having the larger group conversation.
This is the only time we actually talked about the cat.
A week or two later, I get a call from my other roommates with the news that she’s gotten the cat.
According to them, N told them that I was okay with getting it, so they were shocked that I was upset about the cat because they assumed I knew already.
I decided to wait until N told me about the cat instead of approaching her first, and it took almost 3 weeks for her to reach out to me.
When we finally talked, she said that she was sorry for the miscommunication and that she didn’t want everything to happen like this.
I told her that I felt like she was taking advantage of the fact that I wasn’t there, that I didn’t accept her apologies, and that I just can’t believe that she’s done this.
I also called her out on her excuse for miscommunication (‘you’re just so busy abroad!’) and said that I wouldn’t be accepting it as an excuse because we have the technology.
She said she didn’t feel like she was taking advantage of the fact that I wasn’t there but then spent three weeks ‘gathering her courage to tell’ me about the cat- her words.
I also told her that I never said I was okay with getting the cat, and that I was upset that she lied about that, too. The conversation was largely unproductive and didn’t leave me feeling any better or more clear-minded about what to do now.
I no longer think I can trust her, I feel like she’s taken advantage of me, and I just can’t even put myself in the mindset of someone who would do this to their roommates, let alone their best friends.
I don’t want to tell her to get rid of the cat because of its alleged emotional support status, and I also don’t want to have to go through the trials and tribulations of finding a new place to live because of her decision.
I just don’t know what to do and am just so genuinely blindsided that she went through with getting the cat even though everyone who loves her was not explicitly on board.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Does it suck that she got the cat without your explicit consent? Of course! Does it suck that she did not even tell you for three weeks?
Absolutely. Should you hold a grudge because someone decided they needed immediate emotional support for their mental well-being? Probably not. First of all, you are right, it is your apartment as well (even if you are not there currently) which gives you the right to voice your opinion.
You also have the right to not want to share an apartment with any animal for whatever reason.
However, since we are talking about an ESA here, I am not sure if your opinion truly matters.
She did not decide she wanted a cute cuddle buddy or fun companion because she was bored… she got an ESA. We do not know her reasoning or mental well-being but typically an ESA is not bought on a wimp.
Who knows what she is going through or dealing with that led her to this decision. It is also very alarming to hear you questioning the cat’s legitimate ESA status.
I do not think it is appropriate to question if someone ‘really needs’ any form of therapy or to assume that they are abusing the ESA status.
If you are truly concerned about this just ask the roommate for the documentation so you can have it for your records in case you ever need it for your landlords.
But until you have reason to think otherwise I would be very careful with this. I would also forgive her for not telling you sooner or having a second conversation with you.
As I said earlier, in a perfect world she would have told you in advance to let you know and probably also engaged in the group discussion you suggested. However, especially considering you asked her a million questions (some of which she was not able to answer to your satisfaction) she probably felt overwhelmed. Again, we do not know how urgent this matter was for her.
Maybe she was not able to table the conversation any longer.
At the end of the day, it is ‘only’ a cat. A cat that does not even appear to be the true issue in this case anyway.
I would not hold this decision against her and definitely not see it as a huge trust betrayal. She talked to you about it and then made her decision. She said she will pay for any rent or damages caused by the cat and will care for the animal completely by herself.
I am not sure what more she can do to make things right. I would talk to her to ensure that in the future there is a more open and honest channel of communication so this does not happen again, but beyond that, I would move on with my life.
This was not personal. This was not about you. She did not do this to spite or lie to you. She did this because she thought it was best for her mental well-being.” Ok_Introduction_5195
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say ‘no jerks here’ for now because you can be upset for someone bringing a pet in without consensus especially when pets can lead to loss of deposits/damage; however, if it is a certified ESA, no one can do anything about it and her asking was probably more for courtesy than permission because they’re recognized and protected in a lot of places (my apt complex being one).
If it isn’t an official ESA then more NTJJ because she could’ve waited to talk to you properly before bringing the pet in.
Y’all should have another conversation concerning her making the pet deposit and paying the pet rent and how much responsibility she’ll take should y’all’s deposit not be returned due to damages caused by the cat.
Pets are more than just something to make you happy – there are a lot of responsibilities and even more when you share your space with other people. Hopefully, she thought everything through.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your roommate needed an ESA as per her doctor’s consent or request for whatever emotional or mental ailment she may be dealing with. However, she took the time and consideration to ask you and your roommates to make sure she didn’t make too big of an impact on your lives, and instead of being understanding and willing to make a decision for yourself you grilled her and then wouldn’t give a yes or a no. You had your chance to decide how you felt and you didn’t take it.
Frankly, she didn’t need your permission but asked for your blessing and you wouldn’t even give her an answer.
Idk maybe I’m the oddball out here but I think that you should’ve just asked a few important questions and then told her yes or no while still understanding this wasn’t your decision and she didn’t need your permission.” JoJoMamaPlays
1. AITJ For Refusing To Remove The Beaver Dam?
“A few years ago, I purchased a few dozen acres of land in a rural area and built a house there. After a lifetime of the hustle and bustle of city life, I love the peace, quiet, and serenity that rural living has given me.
My nearest neighbors live a couple of miles away and until recently I have barely interacted with them. They are a younger couple who inherited the property from one of their families.
One of the things I love best about my property is the variety of wildlife that lives here. I’ve seen deer, otter, coyote, fox, dozens of species of bird, and beaver.
There is a small river (more of a large creek than a river) that flows through my property and I live downstream from my neighbors. The beavers have built a dam just a few hundred yards on my side of the property line.
Now that the snow here has started to melt, the creek has been running like crazy and the beaver dam has apparently caused quite a bit of flooding on my neighbor’s property and caused damage to some outbuildings and cropland.
My neighbors came to my house a couple of weeks ago and told me about the flooding problems. I was aware of the dam but had no idea of the issues it was causing them.
They asked me if I would be willing to remove the dam. I told them that removing a beaver dam is a lot of work and unless you remove the beavers, they are just going to rebuild it anyway, so in my opinion, it’s not worth it.
They asked why I don’t just remove the beavers and I told them I like the beavers. I clarified to them that ‘removing’ the beavers means terminating them, not just trapping them and bringing them to a new home.
They got very upset and frustrated with me because they don’t know what else to do about the water. I understand their feelings, I’ve dealt with water damage before I know how much it sucks.
But I’m not going to go to the effort of removing a dam just for the beavers to rebuild it again, and I’m not going to remove the beavers. I told them they are free to try and remove the beavers if they are on their land, but even if they do, it’s likely more beavers will just move in to fill the void.
The husband was getting heated. He threatened to sue me and his wife tried to calm him down, but I told them I would like them to leave. They did, but not before the husband called me a jerk.
The next day I went and found the dam and set up a handful of trail cams in the area, just in case.
In my opinion, this type of thing is something you have to be willing to deal with if you live in an area that is shared with wildlife.
I understand it sucks for my neighbors and with spring rains coming it’s possible their water issues are only going to get worse, but it’s not really my problem. So far I haven’t seen anything on the trail cams to make me think they will do something stupid, but I also didn’t want my closest neighbors to be an enemy.”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion YTJ –
Firstly, I work in construction at a General Contractor office in upstate New York. Drainage is a supernormal and easy problem to deal with on a job site.
Water damage is super serious and can seriously damage the value of their land. That could cause enough animosity for them to not only hurt the beavers but you… It’s enough of a problem to at least sit-down and try to offer a solution that works for both of you.
Why not just have your neighbor purchase a drainage pipe to help offset the flooding? Contact a local GC and get a quote, I imagine it would be super easy to add some drainage for the flooding so it doesn’t damage their property and the beavers are happy too.
This is a supernormal issue that you both should work together to fix, it’s like having a pipe that leaks into your neighbor’s basement. You’d be a jerk if you just said screw you, your problem not mine when the water is coming from your property.
We have the technology to solve this problem man, just work with your neighbor and honestly apologize for being so unwilling to find a solution in the first place.” 360_Studio_SLC
Another User Comments:
“To me, it’s the attitude that earns the YTJ vote.
Water damage is seriously expensive and important – not something you can just ignore – but OP doesn’t seem to think it’s worth trying to solve the problem.
And it is their problem because it’s on their property. The neighbors were right to ask them about it.
If they think removing a beaver dam is hard work, what about solving the damage made by water damage?
Damage that OP doesn’t even want to help find ways to at least temporarily mitigate. I would bet that that’s harder, never mind the mold and foundation issues that can make such things very unsafe for the neighbors.
OP makes it sound like they made complaints about something more minor, like animal droppings that end up on their property (something that OP didn’t need to be bothered about), not the damage water and flooding can cause on a home/ property.
They’re being made needlessly miserable, just because OP likes looking at the backyard more than they respect the very real and negative aspects it’s having on someone else.
If it was OP’s house affected by the flooding, I doubt they’d appreciate the same sentiment.
OP doesn’t even have to do it themselves either, and already knows it’s best to get wildlife experts involved, so they should do that and get help from property management and lawyers if they want to act like the responsible adult that respects nature and their neighbors.
OP’s reluctance to do anything makes me want them to be made liable to pay for the damage the dam has caused, in all honesty. If they like the dam so much, they can pay the costs of keeping it.” Slight-Pound
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, build a pond or habitat for the beavers on your property, or remove the beavers, through an ethical manner, like contacting the proper places to get them relocated. Your property is objectively causing damage to another person’s property.
Even a small dirt canal diverts the water into a small pound on your property, it’s a win-win you keep beavers, the land value increases from added landscaping, you don’t get sued, and neighbors stop losing funds.
You have options. But in your own words ‘but ____ is a great amount of work’.
YTJ for refusing to even attempt anything on your part. Then you set up cameras?
Why rather than do something to protect the wildlife yourself you’d rather set up cameras, hope the neighbors are dumb and malicious, and then probably still have the beavers removed in court.
And have to pay damages. Stop being lazy, and making excuses. Be proactive and remove the beavers or relocate them on the property. It’s your property it’s your responsibility. Especially when damages are being caused to others and you have actions you can take to prevent it.
You can value wildlife, while not inconveniencing others. If you want wildlife on your property it’s your responsibility to ensure it’s handled properly.
At the VERY least build a gutter/ditch/canal to divert the water to another spot on your property.
Ideally, if you like nature as much as you claim you do and not just using it as an excuse to instigate drama and a possible court case. Then I’d recommend building a nice eco-friendly habit/pound for the beavers where they can do their beaver things undisturbed. Once again YTJ, getting rid of them is not the only option and I have a gut feeling you only mentioned that as an ultimatum.
Lose your power trip, respect wildlife, and be a good neighbor, how are so many people saying you’re NTJ when clearly YTJ unless it’s protected or something you should clearly seek a lawyer, regardless of the legality I still think YTJ for not even being willing to try anything and for giving an ultimatum hiding behind ‘wildlife is important so I’ll do nothing’ is dumb and not a good enough reason for me to think u’re not a jerk.
Not to mention you expect them to take care of the beavers and I’m assuming damages themselves.
So their only recourse is to sue you or spend more on top of the damages to build a ditch or a pound.
You WILL get sued. (By your neighbors OR their insurance). I would immediately take action on the beaver’s location within ur property in ur preferred method, and not sit idly by doing nothing.
And given how you treated them and the damages you might be sued regardless. Hire an attorney.” xcaptaintjx
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