People Want Us To Understand Their Point In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
38. AITJ For Blaming The Students For Not Enjoying My Class?
“I’m a high school English teacher. We’re currently reading The Great Gatsby. Most of my students don’t like reading and really struggle with it. Thanks to the global crisis and the chaos it’s made of public schools the last two years, I’m pretty burned out, but I am trying with all I have left to give to make class interesting.
We do class discussions, watch movie clips, read parts of it to them and act it out—I’m doing all I know to do.
I have two students who are in a relationship. We’ll call them Greta and Jenn.
Greta is very protective of Jenn. I suspect Greta is autistic and Jenn may be too, but they haven’t been diagnosed. Jenn has a ton of anxiety that makes it difficult for her to function in school.
I’ve tried teaching her about grounding techniques, deep breathing, positive self-talk, etc., but like many teens with mental health problems she is stuck in the mindset that nothing will work for her and says things like ‘that wouldn’t help me.’ It’s okay.
Mental health can be tricky.
Jenn complains that my class is boring and ‘depressing.’ I asked her what could make it better, and she said she is a hands-on learner and likes things that are visual or interactive.
Many others have said the same, so I’m trying. I gave students a ‘party’: I decorated the classroom, made selfie props, played period music, and gave kids a scavenger hunt activity where they have to mingle and share ‘gossip’ with their classmates.
First, Greta asked me to turn the music down. I did. Then I asked Jenn why she wasn’t participating. She had her head on the table and wasn’t talking to anyone. I’ll admit it made me mad.
I tried so hard to give the students what they asked for!
Here’s where I may be the jerk. Greta said, ‘You know we have sensory issues, and you’re asking us to talk to people we don’t know.’ I got a little snippy and said, ‘I don’t know what you want from me.
I turned the music down. you say you want the class to be interactive, but all you’re doing is sitting there with your head down. If my class is uninteresting, you have nobody to blame but yourself. I don’t want to hear that my class is boring again if you’re not going to make any effort.’ Jenn said nothing, but it’s hard to get her to talk directly when other people are in the room.
Greta was silent too.
I know they have anxiety issues, but I feel like I have done all I can to meet them halfway. Am I the jerk?”
37. WIBTJ If I Letting My Friends Have The Master's Bedroom?
“I (22 F), my friend G (22 F), her significant other J (21 M), and my other friend Q (22 M) all plan on renting a house together by the end of this year.
Here is some background information: I am finishing my college career this semester and have the opportunity to get a job right after where I will be making a starting salary of about 45-50K per year. I also have a good credit score and enough funds put away for a deposit on the house.
On the other hand, my friend G has a part-time job and is going to college, her SO works two jobs, and my friend Q has a part-time job and is going to college. Logically, I will be the person who is eligible to get my name on the house when it’s time to start looking.
Recently, the four of us have been chatting about the finances of utilities, insurance, wifi, etc. Somehow the topic shifted over to who would get what room. We have not looked at houses yet, but it was just something G thought we should talk about.
She explained how she would want the master bedroom for her and J since there would be two of them in one room. I explained that we could talk about it when we started looking at the houses and the floor plans because we were still unsure if this was going to happen anyways and we were still in the talking stages, and also because I wanted the master bedroom.
G kept pressing on about how she had a lot of stuff in her room and that there wouldn’t be enough room for her and J in a regular room.
However, G currently lives with her parents in a big house where she has room for all of her things.
I suggested again that we talk about it later, but G kept insisting we talk about it now by asking Q what he thought about the situation. He said that it would make more sense if I got the master bedroom since it would technically be my house, and I agreed with him.
She didn’t like that idea and kept complaining about the situation to which I said that she should get rid of some things or keep some things she didn’t need at her parents’ house. Again, I suggested we talk about it later and the subject was finally dropped.
Because of all of this, I am rethinking my decision of moving in with G and her SO. However, I don’t want to ruin the friendship over a bedroom that I want. So, WIBTJ if I didn’t let her and J have the master bedroom?”
36. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Rent?
“I’ve been with my partner (he’s 26) for a year and a half. I’m 24 years old. About 6 months ago my partner started asking me to move in with him. Although I wanted to live with him I was a little hesitant for multiple reasons.
I lived with my parents rent-free and I got along with them really well. My partner’s apartment was small and kind of ugly and it made my commute 15 minutes longer to work. However, I was eventually convinced when he said I didn’t have to pay rent.
He lived alone before and was paying rent anyway so I thought it made sense
So I moved in with him in November and things have seemed fine. It was an easier transition than I thought and I really thought it was a good decision for our relationship.
Also, just to note-it’s not like I don’t contribute ‘anything’. I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking and I’ve been gradually buying furniture and decorations to make the place less ugly.
However, a few days ago he very suddenly asked me ‘hypothetically’ if he asked me to pay rent, if I would.
I was a bit surprised. He’s never brought it up before so I didn’t know where it was coming from. Actually, I feel it may be coming from one of his close friends who does not like me for whatever reason but that’s another story.
I don’t want to be a freeloading princess but like… one of the reasons I agreed to move in with him was because he told me I didn’t have to pay rent. Really there’s nothing stopping me from moving back in with my parents (and taking all the stuff I bought with me).
I explained that he told me I didn’t have to pay rent and I would appreciate it if he kept his word, but of course, if it was a financial burden I could help a bit. After this conversation, he dropped it but now he has me second-guessing myself.
We’ve talked about finances together a few times. I know he makes decent money at his job and only has a few student loans left and no other debt. However, I do make almost as much as him and I’m not sure if he’s getting resentful of me not contributing to the rent.
AITJ for not paying rent?”
35. AITJ For Going Out With Friends And Leaving My Other Friend At My Apartment?
“My friend came to visit me for two weeks. We live in different states, so therefore she had to travel 10 hours to come to see me.
2 days ago, she felt mentally down and tired. Would not talk to me for an entire day.
We went out for dinner and came back at 7 pm. I asked her if there is anything she wants to do, going out to see something, taking a walk, or maybe watching a movie together. She told me she wants to sleep because she is tired. I reassured her and asked her if she is sure and really didn’t want to do anything.
She said yes. So I went on my laptop.
A little later I got a text from a friend if we want to join them for some drinks and I told her I can’t because my friend is tired. Since I was kinda bored and my friend didn’t sleep yet, I told her my friend asked us to join her for drinks if she wants.
She still said no. So I asked her if she minds if I join her and if she can stay because she would sleep anyways and she said its fine. So I went out for drinks and she stayed.
When I came back, she was passive-aggressive the entire time and I asked her whats wrong and she said nothing.
The next day she told me she is mad because I went out for drinks. She said she traveled that far to see me, just for me to ditch her, and that I shouldn’t have even asked her if I could join the friend, I should have automatically not asked and stayed. She also said even if she was sleeping, the feeling is different when someone is in the house and she is really disappointed in me.
My question: AITJ? I asked her, and if she wanted me to stay, she could just say it.”
34. AITJ For Filing A Disciplinary Notice Against A Colleague For Cyber Harassment?
“I (24 M) am a system/network administrator for a local college. I got this position because rather than attending College/University I attended a vocational school and became certified in system and network administration.
At my institution we have one main system administrator per department, we do this as the campus is quite large and has several buildings. I am responsible for the humanities and languages department as they share classrooms and computer labs.
The issue:
With the return of students to the campus, the faculty has decided to host some themed weeks/months. Last month’s theme was LGBT celebration/history and the faculty decided to decorate their offices for it. Due to religious reasons, I decided to not participate or decorate my office, this made it so that in the wing my office was the only one not decorated. When asked by my colleagues if I was going to decorate as well I would simply respond that I would not be.
This was good for all but one of my colleagues, she began to incessantly demand I join them.
After the third instance of her trying, I got frustrated and pulled her into my office and said formally that I would not be participating and to stop trying to get me to join.
This led to her becoming passive-aggressive and rude towards me. This didn’t bother me however last week she began to send me email after email about LGBT people and how my religion is wrong. I believed that this crossed a line and that her actions constituted cyber harassment.
After sending a formal written warning in regards to her emails she still continued to harass me. It was then I filed a formal disciplinary notice. Disciplinary notices are taken quite seriously as it goes above the department head and goes straight to the headmaster and HR if it involves staff.
In the notice, I wrote her up under the cyber harassment policy. As per the procedure, she lost the privacy of her work computer and email account as HR and headmaster now have to investigate her correspondences.
I honestly feel bad for her as I always try to respect people’s privacy however in this case I feel that she has forced my hand.
So, am I the jerk for writing up my colleague and making her lose her privacy?”
33. AITJ For Packing My Son Homemade Lunches?
“My son started a new school this year, we moved and had to put him in a new school. For the first time ever he has friends.
He’s not bullied relentlessly and he’s accepted for who he is. It’s fantastic.
But it’s come with some challenges, now he’s got friends he hasn’t been eating his lunch at school. He brings home his lunch practically untouched and after talking to him I figured out It’s because he wants to play with his friends at school and he stops eating when they do.
So last week I packed him lunches that he couldn’t resist eating.
Homemade sausage rolls with loads of veggies in them.
Homemade sushi
Greek yogurt with homemade fruit syrups
Berry muffins
Homemade pizzas.
Etc.
Just really nice homemade foods that I know he loves and will eat.
It worked! He started coming home with empty lunch boxes.
Unfortunately, the other kids in his class have started going home and asking their parents for similar things. I got stopped at school pick-up the other afternoon when another mother asked me if I was the person packing gourmet lunches for my son.
I laughed and said I didn’t think his lunches were gourmet but I was packing him different foods that he liked.
She demanded I stop packing them for my son and said it wasn’t fair on other kids whose parents didn’t have unlimited time to make them fancy lunches.
She said that her daughter had started asking for fancy things and she now wasn’t eating her lunches because she wanted nicer meals.
I apologized and said that it wasn’t my intention to make other kids jealous of his lunches.
I just wanted my son to eat at school. I didn’t have unlimited time, I made them on a weekend in the little bit of free time I had.
She started getting annoyed and said if I wasn’t willing to make them for her kid as well then I needed to stop.
I offered to make her daughter lunch as well but told her that I’d be asking for payment for the ingredients. She refused and said I needed to stop or she would be asking the principal to expel my child.
In the end, I told her she was being ridiculous and walked off, as I walked away she shouted that I better have a nice lunch for her daughter tomorrow then.
The next day my son said that the little girl approached him for some of his lunch and he refused. The teacher ended up supplying her with a sandwich.
So… AITJ for making my son lunches he eats, causing jealousy through other kids?”
32. AITJ For Removing My Cousins From My Late Dad's Will?
“I (19 F) have two siblings (23 F and 25 M). My dad does not come from a rich family but has made a good living for himself and became quite successful and saved/invested a lot of his money, whilst his brother has not done so well financially.
I am the youngest of all my cousins and siblings, and because of such there is an age gap from the oldest of my cousins to me. Here’s where my issues with my family begin. The oldest cousin (29 M) has been so critical of me since I can remember comments about what I enjoy doing, my schoolwork, and just about my personality to the adults in our family constantly.
It feels very belittling all of the time. The same sentiment is shared with the second eldest cousin (26 F) who would constantly tell me to shut up or tell me to go away when having convos with my sister or even when I am having a one-on-one conversation with someone.
The last cousin would always decide for himself to use my things every time they would visit us, things I have bought with my own money from a part-time job I had. He once used my PS4 in my bedroom and started a game that I myself have not even played yet as it had arrived in the mail that morning.
My siblings have noticed the way they treat me and have even confronted our aunt and uncle about it but they just don’t take the fact that I get treated badly by their children seriously.
That being said I was a very hyperactive child due to my ADHD but I could hardly help that.
My cousins have flitted between jobs for years and never managed to hold one down simply because they don’t want to. They have moved out of their family home, however.
Recently my dad’s will was being revised and we were involved in the process, whilst doing so we noticed that my cousins were going to inherit a large sum of the money each if anything were to happen to my dad, around $10,000 each.
I and my siblings collectively decided to ask that that clause be removed as we most likely would never talk to them again if anything were to happen as they have no respect for me and me only.
My dad must have mentioned this to my uncle because I soon began to receive messages from my cousins saying how that amount could really help them and how they blamed me for ‘stealing’ THEIR money. Even my aunt and uncle themselves reached out seeing why I would want such a revision to happen.
Now that side of the family is very disconnected from mine when my dad and his brother used to be very close. I feel like I’ve messed up the family relationships and don’t really know if it’s my fault.
So AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Bringing A Camper To A Camping Trip With My Sister And Her Friends?
“I (M 32) am not a big fan of camping. Don’t like it, but don’t really hate it either. My sister loves it though. And every time she invites me on a camping trip, something happens. My sister and her husband love to camp with friends multiple times a year.
Our mother always calls me up begging me to go too. And the reason why is that my sister and BIL use camping as a reason to get wasted and act like teenagers. They have two kids, both boys, 10 and 9 years old.
So someone needs to stay sober and be responsible. My sister and BIL love to screw with me too. They don’t like to let me sleep in, and would literally collapse my tent on me to wake me up.
Last year I brought one of those cots that has its own small tent. They pushed me over in it like they were cow-tipping. I’d had enough. So this year I took some measures.
I only go along with the camping for the sake of my nephews.
They’re good kids. So this year I got a used camper without telling anyone and met my sister and the rest of her group at the campsite with it. She looked not pleased when she saw it. But didn’t say she was upset.
Everyone else seemed to love the camper though. During the camping, all of the usual stuff happened. Except any time they tried to screw with me, I just went into the camper and locked the door. Which also meant I got a better night’s sleep.
Around 8 am I heard someone outside fiddling with the door knob. They were trying to prank me again. They ended up resorting to using an air horn. I put in earplugs. They then tried to rock the truck, but it must have been too heavy because they stopped after a few seconds.
I didn’t get up till 11. I made myself breakfast, got to do my business in a portable toilet, and had a decent place to change clothes. When I finally came outside my sister looked mad.
The entire time we were camping stuff went on like this.
But they couldn’t mess with me when I locked myself in a box. I got good sleep for once on these trips, and my nephews were always wanting in my camper to hang out. We played UNO at the table a few times.
And I had a refrigerator filled with soda. When the trip was over my sister confronted me and said that next time she was making a tents-only rule. And I said I wouldn’t be going then because my camper and I are a package deal. She told me she hated the camper, and that it wasn’t necessary.
I said she only hated it because she can’t mess with me now that I have it. I was sick of all the stupid pranks. And if they want me to help with the kids on camping trips, then my camper comes with and they stop messing with me.
She called me a jerk and walked away to fume.
The only other person who’s giving me crap is her husband. But everyone else says the camper is cool. AITJ for getting it?”
30. AITJ For Ditching My Mom At A Company Event?
“Basically I suffered from constipation in the past. It was because my diet sucked even though I would usually drink enough water. My parents are pretty conservative and traditional with their culture and thus I was mainly fed oily foods and huge portions.
After a while, I was able to get it under control.
But the reason I had to go to the doctor today was that I was having some trouble with my shoulder blade (it was swollen and painful), I was pretty certain it was caused by bruising because I had accidentally been hit with a wooden bar.
Anyway I asked my mom about going to the doctor and she agreed, because of issues in the past I asked if I could go alone and she said sure, but when the doctor called me up she started following me to her room.
I gestured her to sit back down but she just told me to be quiet and keep walking.
Once we were there I was about to mention how my shoulder had been injured when my mother chimed in about me not drinking water and going to the bathroom (which was a lie).
I corrected her in front of the doctor but then in a loud voice and with a grin on her face she said ‘Oh he’s constipated and usually clogs the toilet’. I was pretty embarrassed because I only did that when I was younger and couldn’t even talk to the doctor because my mother just kept running her mouth.
I was also angry because I had a painful shoulder that was affecting my job and I didn’t want the doctor to misdiagnose the issue.
When we left I was pretty certain my mother said those things to purposefully embarrass me because she had a grin on her face when she did it.
Basically, my mom works in a job where every few years a child of the worker comes to their mother’s office and gives a speech praising their parents, it’s a pretty big deal and definitely means a lot to my mother.
I was supposed to attend this event after school by taking the bus, instead, I went home, ripped up my speech and locked my door, and went to sleep. I was awoken later in the night by my mother pounding on the door and insulting me for messing up this huge day for her and embarrassing her in front of the company.
I just stayed quiet until she eventually stopped and went to her own room.”
29. AITJ For Snapping At My Cousin Who's Treating Me Like A Child?
“So my cousin is a year and a half younger than me and he has 2 younger siblings we’re in our 20s. I’m an only child.
Lately, like the past couple of years, he keeps sending me texts telling me what to do as far as family stuff.
And it’s stuff that really obvious and I already knew.
Like when it was our grandparents’ anniversary, he text me ‘It’s grandma and grandpa’s anniversary so make sure you call them’. When 2020 started ‘Don’t go over by grandma and grandpa’s house we don’t want them to get sick’ (duh).
‘It’s so and so’s birthday’. Or texting me before family events telling me ‘People are expecting you to show so don’t blow it off’. I work weird hours and they schedule everything besides holidays on weekends, I’m not always off weekends.
So it’s not like I’m blowing it off.
The thing is I literally don’t hear from him besides these stupid reminders. I’m not sure if he’s doing it to his siblings too or just thinks I’m an idiot.
Then on Thanksgiving, he asked what I was getting my grandparents for Christmas. I told him. He went by his mom and said ‘She has a really good idea for a Christmas present for grandma and grandpa’ and told her.
So it became a family gift that everyone pitched in for. And they made it seem like it was his and my aunt’s idea. I know gifts aren’t about credit but it made me mad. It was something I wanted to do on my own.
So this morning he text me ‘Today is grandma’s birthday, so you should call her or stop over there’. I was already in a bad mood and I’m getting sick of this so I said ‘Oh really, sherlock’.
He said ‘Sorry I was just reminding you’. I said ‘No you’re not, you obviously think I’m either a child it an idiot because you tell me stuff I already know, news flash buddy I’m around grandma and grandpa a lot more than you.
I can remember their birthdays without reminders’. He said ‘You don’t have to get mad about it I was just trying to help’. I said ‘No you weren’t. You were trying to act like you were in charge.
Stop. I can remember and figure stuff out all on my own like I’ve been doing for 27 years’.
Well, he told his mom and his mom called my dad. My dad said he was just trying to help, I didn’t need to bite his head off.
AITJ? I’m just sick of him telling me what to do like I’m a 6-year-old.”
28. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With A Male Med Student In The Room While I Am Having My Physical Exam?
“I (16 F) recently went to the pediatrician with my mom for my physical exam. As a background, I’ve never been comfortable with male doctors and have always requested female ones, and I was expecting an all-female team of doctors today, as it was what I requested. After the nurse took my vitals, I was told to undress and get into a dressing gown and that the doctor would be in shortly.
After I had gotten into my gown, my doctor entered the room with a young man. This had never happened before and I was extremely uncomfortable, as I was wearing nothing but a dressing gown, which I knew I was going to have to remove for later parts of the exam.
The doctor asked me and my mom if we were ok with the man, a male med student, watching my physical, and even though both I and my mom weren’t comfortable with this, neither of us knew how to say no, so we allowed him to come in.
The doctor then started asking questions about my mental health, which I wanted to answer but didn’t feel comfortable answering with this random man standing there staring at me. I sat through a few questions and then all of a sudden broke down and started to cry, as I was so uncomfortable with this I didn’t want the exam to continue.
I told the doctor how uncomfortable I was while I cried, and she told the man to leave the room.
As I continued to cry, she told me how she didn’t think I would react that way and that she was sorry, but she seemed rude and not happy during the rest of the exam.
I discussed this with my mom and we both think the doctor was in the wrong, but based on the doctor’s reaction to my feelings, it seems like I was the one being rude. So. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Letting My Ex's Partner And His Daughter To Live With Us?
“My ex and I were married for 10 years.
We have a 9-year-old together. During the divorce proceedings, he slept with ‘Maggie’ and got her pregnant. I do not consider this infidelity, I had started seeing other people as well, but the timing is still awkward and a lot of people assume he had an affair and that’s why we got divorced. I try to correct that impression for my daughter’s benefit, but he did still leave me and I’m not his PR rep.
At first, things were very amiable, they were no longer together but I developed a good relationship with Maggie and my daughter got to know her half-sister. We even let my ex take both girls at the same time.
Then my ex started seeing someone else and started missing visits and forgetting to call back, and generally falling short in terms of co-parenting.
Our house has this garage-turned-mother-in-law suite. When we first moved in we had a few renters, and then later we sporadically used it for Airbnb before 2020.
Maggie’s rent was increased substantially and she’d been having issues with her neighbors complaining about her having a crying baby, so I invited her to rent out the unit at a discount. Legally, she’s a tenant like anyone else would be, I just lowered the rent a bit for her and put in a few extra clauses.
I notified my ex and he was mad and said it was inappropriate and weird.
In theory, it should be convenient to him because now his daughters are literally in the same place. And it’s a better environment for his youngest daughter too, she now has a better living situation with outdoor space and more resources (Maggie has a good job but she’s just saving up for a down payment in a decent school district so is trying to keep rent and other expenses down for the first year or so).
Admittedly I initially thought it would be closer to a typical tenant relationship, obviously I hoped we’d get to know each other better, but for example when I invited her I went out of my way to say that she could do her own thing and have privacy as a tenant, she wasn’t obligated to entertain my daughter in her house or let either of us in whenever we wanted, that kind of thing.
And she seemed like she cared about that too and was going to be respectful of our house as well. But it turned into more of a cohabiting thing, like her coming over for dinner most nights and my daughter (very much voluntarily) spending time there during the day ‘helping’ with her sister.
We even share my daughter’s babysitter now.
My ex was mad when he found out and madder when he realized how it was going in practice, and said I crossed a line by inviting her in the first place, and it was ‘messy.’ Our house was supposed to be our forever home and he did a lot of work on it and I think he thinks of it as sacred and part of his in spirit even if legally it’s mine.
One of his siblings said that I was trying to ‘throw it in his face’ which what am I even throwing in his face, it’s not like he had an affair.”
26. AITJ For Telling My Sister Off About Being Bi?
“I’m from a family of 6 girls. The youngest is 29 the eldest is 44, I’m the second eldest. My older sister has been out as gay since she was 12-13 and while it was difficult for a bit my parents came around and it’s been rather smooth sailing the last 30-odd years.
Despite that, I have never come out as bi or genderqueer/nonbinary to my family. My family has been very loud about their acceptance and I’m a private person, nothing makes me cringe more than discussing my love life with my parents so while I haven’t kept any previous relationships secret, none had ever been really spoken about until my last relationship (now husband).
My husband knows and has always been accepting, my therapist knows as well, as do most of my friends, but it’s never been something that I think about daily or something I feel defines me.
Recently (in the last 5 years-ish) one of my younger sisters came out as bi.
Which obviously in my family was very much accepted. However, there wasn’t a lot of fanfare that I think my sister expected and ever since then, her entire personality can be boiled down to ‘bi’ or ‘chaotic bi’ as she prefers.
I understand it’s important to express yourself but it’s honestly tiring to be around her because every conversation turns into how she’s such a ‘crazy messy bi’. I’m glad she’s having fun but it’s hard to be around.
My older sister and I commiserate on this often but only with each other.
Recently my husband, by total mistake, let it slip about a (woman) significant other I had in college. It was during a family gathering where most of us were pretty wasted. After hearing him fail to cover it up I saved my husband and told my family and it was very anticlimactic as I expected. My younger sister, however, made some remarks about how I was internally homophobic against myself, and how I didn’t ‘seem very bi’ and then she tore into me about how I was ‘faking it’ and said my college SO (and presumably my other SOs) were all fake too.
I was getting frustrated so I told her ‘Being bi isn’t a personality trait like you treat it’. We went back and forth and I ended up saying ‘You need to get a hobby and some new friends because all you think you are right now is bi and it’s boring’.
My oldest sister understands where I’m coming from but thinks I was too harsh. My younger sisters all think I was being homophobic/biphobic and need to talk to my therapist about it etc. Their reasoning is that my younger sister is finding herself which is fine but she’s in her mid to late 30s and has been out for five years – it seems ridiculous to me that even now she’s clinging to this label like a teenager.
AITJ? Am I being way too harsh about this/should I be easier on her since she’s more recently discovered her s*******y and presumably needs time to get used to it?”
25. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Wife That I Never Accepted Her As My Mom?
“My dad is married to Jen.
Dad has me (17 f) and my brother (15 m) with our mom. Mom died when we were 3 and 5. Jen has a daughter (18 f) and two sons (16 m) and (15 m) with her ex husband. Jen is also a grandma since her daughter had a baby a few weeks ago.
Jen and my dad married when I was 11. From day one she approached me and my brother about being our parent, about how she would call us her kids, how she’d love us to call her mom and stuff.
I never called her mom. My brother did once but felt bad about it and stopped. I have asked Jen not to call herself my mom or me her daughter. She told me it wasn’t my decision. Dad told me it was the best thing for us.
Jen’s kids do not call my dad ‘dad’, my dad does not call them his kids, he never introduces them in that way and neither does Jen. But Dad will say ‘mom’ when referring to Jen. It bothers me.
They always said Jen’s kids have their dad living and neither he nor they would like my dad to be known as anything but their stepfather.
I hate the double standard because my mom is no less my mom than Jen’s kids’ dad is their dad.
Only my mom died so she can’t complain. But even their feelings are supposedly right while mine are wrong. My dad isn’t even grandpa to Jens’ grandchild. The baby is going to be told to call my dad by his first name and Jen’s daughter corrects anyone who calls him grandpa or him and Jen the grandparents.
So like I said three weeks ago Jen had family and friends around and she was celebrating being a grandma and someone there was new and she told the person she was my mom. I stepped in and corrected her.
She told me she was my mom since she was raising me and my brother. I went off on her and my dad about the double standard. Saying my mom wasn’t less important than her ex because she has Dad and that my feelings should matter just as much as her kids’ feelings do.
I told her I NEVER accepted her as my mom and I never wanted to be known as her daughter.
They are so mad I went off in front of people. Well, they’re mad I feel this way at all, but they’re not happy I did it so publicly.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Embarrassing My Wife For Insinuating That Her Friend Is A Bad Mom?
“My wife (36 f) and I (42 m) have been together for 7 years, married for 6, and is likely to end in divorce. We’re in couples therapy and I’m in individual therapy. She refuses to go separately. I’ve been the doormat in our relationship for a long time because I was a depressed nerd who just wanted someone to love me.
I messed up. I’m trying to work things out, especially for our daughter but it’s come to the point I know I’m the only one trying. I don’t wanna be a jerk. I want to make things work, so I guess that’s why I’m here.
If I’m wrong I wanna fix it and at least maintain some peace.
This was our latest fight.
My wife has been friends with M since high school. I like her. She’s laid back and just a nice person.
She’s married to H. Again nice, laid-back person. They’re good friends to have. M is a lot different from my wife and I think some things get my wife insecure, which also makes her competitive.
My wife and I are very privileged to have both of our parents living and healthy and also willing to help with our daughter.
We also both have large families who are willing to help. My wife is very anti-daycare. Thankfully I make enough so my wife can live comfortably as a stay-at-home mom, but will drop off our daughter with her parents or mine when she needs her time.
M’s parents are both in rehab clinics and are very unstable. H’s parents are deceased. They have 3 kids. H works part-time and M owns her own business and operates it from home. Two days a week their kids go to daycare.
They explained they need their time to unwind and for each other but most importantly they want their children to socialize and explore as they did not get to as kids and they do not have family to help.
My wife is very vocal about her feelings. They’re quiet on the matter. I’ve told her to stop many times but she’s persistent.
Of course, it got brought up again when we were discussing swim lessons for the kids.
My wife joked she didn’t get why M and H were even considering putting their kids into swim lessons as their kids aren’t even home, they’re at daycare. She kept pushing and broke the camel’s back when she said she could never hand her children off to strangers like they do, her strong maternal instincts just won’t allow it.
And here’s where it got bad. In front of M and H, I said to my wife she pawns off our daughter almost every other day to her mom and dad, so she needs to stop treating M like a horrible mom when she clearly is not always a great one herself.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Call My Sister's Husband "Uncle"?
“I (32 M) and my wife (31 F) just welcomed our baby girl into the world 3 weeks ago. Our families were so overjoyed for us! We couldn’t have asked for a better family unit! Everything was going great until my sister called and said she couldn’t wait to come to visit us (we live 5 hours away) so (insert baby’s name) could meet her aunt and uncle.
When she said that my wife and I just looked at each other dumbfounded, because 4 years earlier when they had their first kid and my wife and I met them for the first time… she said ‘We don’t feel comfortable with our kids referring to your wife as an aunt because she isn’t b***d’.
At that point, my wife and I had been married for 6 years. It made no sense to us, but we accepted it and moved on. We were always Uncle J and (insert my wife’s name).
When they finally get up here the following weekend after all the kids had been put to bed, she referred to her and her husband as ‘aunt and uncle’.
We talked to her about what seemed to be a double standard, saying we are really a fan of how my wife can’t be an aunt but her husband can be an uncle and to avoid confusing the kids we would prefer if he were just referred to by his name as well.
She started yelling saying ‘It’s different’ and that woke the kids up. She got even madder at that, grabbed her two little ones and stormed out of the house, and got a hotel for the night. My mom and dad called me and told me I was being petty and to call and apologize.
They’re right… I was petty. But I won’t stand a double standard and have my wife, my partner, and my teammate be treated as if ‘she’s not a part of the family’. We’ve been together for over ten years.
So am I the jerk for not letting my BIL be referred to as an uncle?
EDIT: My sister and wife get along well. My sister was kinda jealous of my mom’s ‘liking’ of my wife. My mom is a very hippy soul go-with-the-flow kind and so is my wife.
My sister is very type A and always wished she could be more spontaneous and like my mom.”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Bake A Cake For Someone Who Insulted My Business?
“I own and run a small bakery business out of my home. I have been doing so for a little over a year but have grown a great deal in this period of time.
I regularly get custom orders for birthday cakes and weddings. My payment policy is the order has to be paid IN FULL before the due date. I allow people to pay all at once or in increments. (This is my policy because I had a couple of people not picking up the order or telling me they didn’t have enough money for the order.)
I had a potential customer, we’ll call her Ann, recently put in an order with me for a few weeks from now for a custom cake. All was well until I sent Ann the square invoice and she told me she would pay after seeing the cake.
I told her that the cake must be paid off before she can receive the cake and that she could even pay a 20% deposit and pay the rest over the next couple of weeks. Ann then told me that she has never had to do this before with other bakers and that because she had never heard of me before this interaction, it was too big a risk for her to pay anything upfront.
I then told her that I would gladly refund her in full if she canceled her order before it was made but would keep the deposit if she did not want it after it was made.
Also, I told Ann that it is a big risk for me to use my time and supplies for something that she may not pay for after it is made.
Ann then insulted me by saying that I was trying to scam her because the Square invoice asked for her card information and a business as small as mine should not have this policy in place. I canceled her invoice (which notified her) and she got mad that I canceled the invoice and said that she wanted the cake but would not pay until she saw it ahead of time and wanted to make sure it was like the picture (which was of a cake I made, by the way).
I told Ann that I didn’t think I was the baker for her and referred her to someone else and she said she would tell people not to order from me.
Also, my work is VERY professional and decorated very well.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Liking Our Traditional Lunches?
“I (17 f) am south Indian. Our traditional lunches include a lot of rice, and we put these different stews in them (sambhar and rasam and vegetable stuff). I despise these lunches. I love how they taste but I just CAN’T eat food with that texture.
I know it sounds horrible and picky of me, but whenever I eat food with that mushy texture I feel like throwing up really bad. I’ve tried my best to suppress these feelings and enjoy my food but it’s never worked. I always feel like throwing up every single time.
My parents are sick of this. They force me to eat whatever my mom makes and I try my best to eat it and suppress nausea because I don’t want to be rude and disrespect my mom’s hard work, but if I so much as make a small gagging noise involuntarily they start yelling at me for ‘treating my mom’s food like poison’.
And god forbid I actually throw up, they’ll yell at me and force me to eat again.
I feel horrible whenever this happens because I genuinely want to eat well but it’s just so hard forcing myself to eat while feeling like I’m gonna empty my stomach out.
Today I quietly ate everything like usual and just gagged a little at the end, and my mom started angrily saying something again. And I began to tell them that it’s not my fault I have physical reactions to the texture, and my dad cut me off saying ‘Quiet, everyone can eat this and it’s our traditional food, why can’t you?
What’s so special about you?’ and I just shut up after that. I felt so bad.
AITJ for gagging when I eat my mom’s cooking?
I love my mom’s cooking, especially dinner. I just wish we could have something other than rice for lunch.
And they won’t let me cook for myself either.
My parents absolutely refuse to let me change anything about the meals, such as how much stuff I put in the rice, how much I take, and even how to mix my vegetables with the rice.
Not an option to ask for accommodation that way.”
20. AITJ For Ruining My Son's Classmate's Slumber Party For Excluding Him?
“My son (7 M) has been dancing since he was ten months old. My wife is a dancing hobbyist, and she signed up for a ‘mommy and me’ ballet class when he was a baby.
He never stopped and is now really good. He currently takes classes at a local ballet studio.
A mom of one of the other students in my son’s class decided she wanted to host a slumber party after the last performance of the school year.
This idea was very popular. When she emailed invites, she invited every single student except for my son. She even invited a little girl that quit halfway through the year!
I emailed her asking if she made a mistake, and she said she didn’t want a boy at her sleepover.
This really upset me. My son loves dancing! All of his best friends are in this class. Everyone will be talking about this party that he can’t go to. My heart broke for him.
I talked to my wife, who agreed this was nonsense, but also said we shouldn’t do anything to cause drama and be ‘those parents.’ I tried to put it from my mind, but I couldn’t.
So I emailed all of the other parents, explaining how hurtful it is for kids to be excluded. Many responded, agreeing that my son should be invited because he’s part of the class. A bunch of nasty debates broke out in the email chain.
My wife was annoyed with me at first, but then she got mad at the other mom when she read her emails.
The other mom said I was displaying ‘typical male entitlement’ and that it was gross I was teaching my son to ‘force his way into women’s safe spaces.’ A bunch of people jumped on these comments and said she was being nasty about a little kid.
Another mom decided to have a slumber party that night as well (that my son is invited to) and now most of the class is going to that one, and only three girls (plus her daughter) will be at the original party.
The mom who had the original idea and her friends have sent me some nasty messages. My wife is mad at her, but also at me, because she says I didn’t think before I burned bridges. I don’t want a bridge with this woman though.
I think she’s mean and a bully. AITJ?
Edit: This was not the little girl’s party. This party was specifically to celebrate the last recital of the season and was marketed as such. All the people she talked to about the party before sending out the official invites who told her it was a great idea were under the impression that everyone was invited, and the invitations said ‘(studio name, class name) Final Performance Slumber Spectacular’.
It was NOT anyone’s birthday.”
19. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Off For Meddling With My Life Choices?
“I (67 F) am a widow. My husband died in 2020. It took me two years to move on from him, he was a very good man and a great father.
My daughter (49 F) loves her father.
I had her when I was 18. She is the precious treasure of my life, and I also love her to death. However, since I had her when I was very young, I missed out on life a bit.
When I had her, I was instantly labeled as the mother, and I felt like that was my whole identity besides being a wife. I felt like I stayed home my whole life, and even though I love my daughter, I felt like I wanted to do more in my life.
Start of 2022, I started to ‘casually date’ again. I hated to admit it, but it is a lot of fun to go out on dates and such. But my daughter doesn’t like the idea very much.
She asked me how could I start to find a man so soon after her father’s death, why I was so ‘thirsty’ for attention, etc.
Her words wounded me, but I don’t intend to stop. I felt like for once, my life is my life. I don’t have my parents to tell me what to do, no husband to take care of, no young kids to care about.
I told her I understand that she is still healing, but I would like to enjoy my life as I please. There was a big argument between us, and I bluntly told her that she cannot dictate my life anymore.
She left crying and told me I should just have terminated my pregnancy then if I hated her that much. I tried to call her to apologize and told her I didn’t mean that, that I still love her and she was the best gift I ever had.
But she ignored my calls. I don’t know what to do. I felt horrible.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Bringing My Daughter To My Biological Father As A Revenge?
“My parents divorced when I was 5. My mother remarried and my stepdad basically took the role of my father. My biological father kicked me and my brother out of his house after we got into an argument with his wife (stepmom) when she was throwing out our stuff to make room for her kids (dad and stepmom had 2 kids together) after many lectures how they wouldn’t treat me and my brother any different.
After he threw us out I stopped talking to him. Why waste my time? But my mother on the other hand felt differently. She’s always wanted him to suffer the consequences of his actions for abandoning his kids.
I love my mom to death but she can be spiteful.
I now have a 5-year-old daughter. I’m divorced and have custody of her. My mother has tried numerous times to sneak my daughter over there to rub in his face he’ll never be a part of his grandchild’s life.
We’ve had many arguments about this and it escalated.
I started yelling at her that she doesn’t comprehend how she was making my stepfather feel. I feel like a jerk but I dragged him into the fight. I pointed at him and told her that HE WAS my father.
He took care of me growing up, he taught me how to be self-sufficient in life and how to fix things myself and not rely on spending money to solve a problem.
I wound up calling her a jerk saying she has no right to decide who my daughter sees and told her I would not allow her to have her unsupervised because I know she’d pack her in the car and take her over there.
My stepdad wound up pulling me aside some time later and told me he appreciates me sticking up for his feelings but felt I threatened to take away time with my daughter from my mom. He says I need to apologize and next time just let it go.
That’s when I started arguing with him saying HE’S my father figure and I view him as my dad after these years and that I was incredibly disappointed he would roll over like that when he taught me better.
Now they are both mad at me and have spoken to me in a few weeks because of this. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Reporting My Friend For Animal Neglect?
“So I (30 f) have a friend Sara (late 20s, f) who has had this really sweet 14-year-old dog, Abby, forever.
And lately, I knew Abby was going downhill because Sara told me that she’d started having trouble going outside and was making messes, and could hardly walk or eat. Sara knew too, she just avoided it. And I don’t blame her for that because I knew she loved Abby and this was going to be hard.
So I went to visit Sara’s house for the first time in almost two months and as soon as I walked in my eyes were watering. I could just smell dog waste everywhere.
Sara ran over to Abby’s bed to say hello and this poor dog looked dead.
Sara goes on to force water and food down her throat, insisting it was fine. Abby is covered in her own waste, looks emaciated, and is just sitting there whining until Sara just holds her. I was sickened and I admit that I was shocked and just told her like… holy crap, Sara, it’s time to let Abby go.
Of course, she got really defensive, said it had been weeks and clearly Abby wanted to stay with her, then told me to leave.
I went home and thought about it, how long Abby was in this sick state, and decided to call the local animal control, because that’s who you call around here when your pet dies or has an emergency, not just for wild animals or strays.
Sara called me this morning and reamed me out, calling me a hateful, cruel jerk because they came, tried to treat Abby, and ultimately decided they couldn’t cure her so they humanely euthanized her after removing her from Sara’s care.
Our friends are on both sides of the fence, but now Sara says she’s going into therapy and it’s my fault (?) And I wonder if I really am the jerk.”
16. AITJ For Not Giving My Dad Gas Money?
“I (30 f) have a (29 f) half-sister. We have the same dad and grew up together but never had a good relationship.
Mostly due to our dysfunctional family. After years of mental and emotional abuse, my husband and I decided to move to another state and have little to no contact with most of my family. I being too nice have gone into debt to help my family out which is part of why we moved. I was tired of being taken advantage of.
Now on to my sister (we will call her T). When T was 15 she ran away had 3 kids in 4 years and would sporadically come around when she needed something. Her kids’ dad passed away about 2 years ago and she immediately started seeing someone else and got pregnant with her 4th child.
The father wanted nothing to do with T or their child. She met someone else and moved 4 hours from our hometown with this guy and her 4 kids.
My dad called me and basically said that T had no car, no money, and was basically homeless after her partner broke up with her.
He was trying to get gas money to go pick her up but just didn’t have it. He rambled on for a bit and said I thought you should know. I reminded him that T and I no longer have a relationship so anything going on in her life I know nothing about.
He continued to say how he didn’t have money so I point blank asked ‘Are you trying to ask me something’. He responded with ‘No, no I just thought you should know’.
My dad texted me about 20 mins later this time asking for money.
I discussed it with my husband and after talking through things I told my dad I was sorry but I couldn’t give him any money. This apparently started an argument between my mom and dad. My mom tried to explain to him that it is not my responsibility to help with those kinds of things as T is an adult.
My husband and other sister M said I am not the jerk but I can’t help but feel bad and that I should have helped, so AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Stop My Studies To Take Care Of My Sick Grandmother Full-Time?
“Recently, my grandmother (92 F) fell extremely sick and since then, she is extremely weak and 0became partially disabled with limited mobility.
(She is unable to eat on her own, dress herself, and needs help every time she relieves herself).
As such, my mother (50 F) quit her job just to take care of my grandmother full-time. She does not bear to send my grandmother to live at a caregiving facility for the elderly, as she thinks that the care provided at these facilities will never be as good as home care.
But she has since realized that taking care of a sick and disabled elderly person is too much work, and she is unable to cope with the workload herself. She also cannot afford to hire a live-in caregiver to help her take care of my grandmother as she quit her job.
Therefore my mother wants me (20 F) to suspend school in order to help her take care of my grandmother. I refused her request as I do not want to suspend school indefinitely and implicate my future, just to take care of my sick and dying grandmother.
Since then, my mother has been guilt-tripping me and calling me a selfish and cold-hearted person, who does not care about her family members. (This is absolutely not true. I do care about my grandmother, and I am willing to take care of my grandmother during my semester breaks and holidays, but I’m just not willing to put my life on hold to be a full-time caregiver.
)
As I’m also Asian, my mother has told me that taking care of the elderly is my duty, due to the concept of filial piety. And now, all the guilt-tripping from my mother is making me feel like I’m a horrible person, and it’s affecting my daily life.
I can’t focus during classes and I have been feeling very depressed lately.
So AITJ for telling my mother I do not want to put my life on hold, in order to take care of my sick grandmother?”
14. AITJ For Not Defending My Partner From My Sister And Her Husband?
“My partner (29 f) and I (27 m) went to my sister’s house to spend time with her and her husband. They have 4-year-old twins, one girl, and one boy. We were going outside so the kids could play in the plastic kiddie pool.
My partner went to use the bathroom. She came out and the kids went in after her to grab some of their toys from the tub to take outside. They came out crying and scared because the toilet had b***d in it.
My partner said ‘My bad I think I forgot to flush’ and went right into telling the kids that it was fine, she was on her period and when people get old enough they have periods every month.
This scared them both even more. My sister told her to stop talking because she was doing more harm than good and it was a topic for her and her husband to tackle in a way that’s appropriate for 4-year-olds since they’d now have to explain sooner than they intended.
My partner argued with my sister that her attitude was teaching them that periods were bad. My BIL also told her to stop and my partner looked at me and asked if I was okay with my sister and BIL shaming her and women in general for their periods.
I told her she was asked to stop and really needed to because she was being disrespectful. I apologized to my sister and told my partner it was best we leave.
When we got in the car my partner was still going about how we were being immature about a perfectly normal bodily function and demonizing women for it.
I told her that wasn’t it at all – they’re my sister’s kids and it’s on them to decide how they want to handle that conversation, and pointed out she told a 4-year-old boy he’d get a period when he was older.
She’s still bringing it up and telling me I should have had her back in that situation. Usually, I’m all for people taking up for their partners but in this case, she was asked to stop and was really doing a bad job explaining and she wouldn’t relent.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Have All Of My Late Mom's Jewelry?
“My mum passed away 8 weeks ago and my dad has recently told me that he wants nothing to do with me unless I give him Mum’s jewellery. Mum and Dad have been separated for nearly 20 years although they stayed friends, they split up because my dad had a bad drinking and gambling problem and has fallen on and off the wagon his whole life.
My mum didn’t put a sentiment on materialistic things her whole world was me and my sister but her jewelry which consists of several rings, a necklace, and a bracelet she loved to bits, she lived and died in them.
Now I don’t know if her jewelry has any monetary value and I don’t care, to me they are priceless because my mum loved them so much. When she passed away I gave my sister her necklace which she hasn’t taken off since.
My aunty (my mum’s sister) gave her one of Mum’s rings which originally belonged to their mother and I gave one of Mum’s rings to Dad. So all my family has a piece of her jewelry as a keepsake.
So I still have several of Mum’s rings and her bracelet which I will pass on to my newborn son when my time comes.
But my dad is now going mad that he should have all her jewelry and he will never speak to me again unless I hand it over.
I fear he will end up selling Mum’s jewelry as he has done in the past. I’ve for the most part been fairly close to my dad but I think it was more because Mum kept everyone together.
I feel like I am a jerk because Mum’s biggest fear before dying was that our family would split up and I assured her we wouldn’t and I don’t wanna lose my dad over this.”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive For A Friend For 12 Hours?
“This morning as I was getting ready for work I received a message at like 6 am.
This is from a ‘friend’ on social media. This is someone I went to church with for a few years about 10 years ago. We are friendly on social media liking and occasionally commenting on each other’s posts. But I haven’t seen this woman in person in 10 years.
The message asked me if I could do her a favor, I said I would love to if I was able to.
She tells me she is getting custody of her son today.
She then proceeds to ask me if I still live in ‘the state I live’.
I said yes. She said that she needs a ride from her hometown, to the town I live in, back to her hometown, and she needs the ride today.
She then asked if she could call me, and I said no I was almost at work and couldn’t talk, but would keep messaging her.
I googled where she told me she lived. It is a 3-and-a-half-hour drive to her town. This is the amount of time Google said it would take, not taking into account: bathroom breaks, gas fillups, traffic, or anything straight time 3 and a half hours.
So what she needed me to do, was drive 3 and a half hours to get her, and pick her up. Drive 3 and a half hours to get her son, and then drive her and her son back 3 and a half hours.
THEN I would need to drive myself home the last 3 and a half hours. So it would be over a 12 hours day of just driving, and she said that she is short on cash, so she would not be able to chip in for gas or food or anything.
I told her that I was very happy about her getting custody of her son, but that I had work today, and that there was no way that I could help her today.
She then became upset and said, ‘You told me you would do me a favor.’ I went back to the message and I saw that I said, ‘I would love to if I am able to.’
And I told her I was sorry but that this is last minute and I have work and I couldn’t miss an entire day, minutes before I was supposed to show up.
I don’t feel like I am the jerk in this situation, but the way that she reacted to me telling her I couldn’t help her makes me feel like I am…
So, am I the jerk?”
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Roommate's Expensive Cat Bowl?
“I (29 f) moved into a new apartment a few months ago where my now roommate (34 f) had been renting for about 3 months longer. I was upfront about having a cat since I knew she had two as well – but AFTER I signed the lease with our landlord she suddenly started texting us both with concerns about our animals mixing.
It was strange, but also a bit too late to do anything about it.
We’ve had our fair share of the typical roommate disagreements – but nothing gets her more upset than what she perceives as injustices to her cats.
It started with accusing my guy of starting fights, but after taking a few videos of her cats cornering mine and instigating the fights themselves, she said it was my fault for having him move into THEIR home.
After about three weeks of agreeing to keep our animals in our bedrooms on a rotating basis while we’re both at work – her cats would get to roam MWF, while mine could roam TTh – she decided this was not fair to her babies and that I should keep my cat in my room ‘anytime I’m not home’.
I pushed back on this, and she reluctantly caved but makes a point to bring it up every so often.
Her latest gripe is that she doesn’t like the food I feed my cat – especially because her cats sneak in and eat it instead of the all-natural stuff she feeds them.
I told her that his vet has no issue with what I feed him and that I simply don’t have enough budget to feed him the way she feeds her cats. For reference, I have seen this woman live off ramen for a week so she could feed her cats fresh venison…
Initially, she offered a compromise – if I were to buy higher-quality food, she would split the price difference. I agreed and the next time his food was low, I purchased one of the foods on the list she provided. When it came time to settle our monthly bills, etc, I mentioned the expense and she claims she never agreed to split the cost and that if I loved my cat I would be willing to pay for it.
I told her absolutely not, and that I would be going back to the old food when this bag ran out.
Naturally, this made her mad and she suggested that if I insist on buying him ‘McDonald’s for cats’ the least I could do was purchase a collar censor bowl for him – essentially it’s a covered bowl that opens when a tag that could be put on a cat collar is near enough to the censor.
I told her that I have no problem having my cat wear the collar but I don’t feel like it is my responsibility to pay for it. I have no problem with her cats grazing his food, she does – so she should be the one to pay for it.
She insists that because my cat would be the one using it, I should have to pay for it.
AITJ for not spending my money on this thing?
And for what it’s worth, I have zero intention of renewing my lease next spring!
Edit: My roommate wrote the online advertisement and it mentioned that no dogs were allowed, but cats were welcome.”
10. AITJ For Telling My Cousin She Can Not Come With Us If She Doesn't Want To Go Where We're Going?
“As kids, I and my bro (now mid-30s) frequently went to a specific holiday park which we LOVED more than any others. He now has a little boy who is 3 and I’ve always said I want to take him there when he’s 4.
My brother is really happy about this and he wants to come too as he has fond memories of the place. His significant other also wants to come. We’ve researched it now and all think it looks great for kids.
I have an older cousin who has two boys ages 4 and 6, and I asked her long ago if she would let them come and I’d pay for them. Since they get on well with my bro’s kid and play together all the time.
I said that she and her partner are obviously welcome, but I’d like to pay for the kids and their activities as my treat for them all. I’ve never wanted kids but love those 3 and would like to give them a fun holiday at a place me and my bro used to love.
Everyone was happy at first but after time passed my cousin was saying stuff like ‘It’ll have to be 5 days, not a week’ and ‘We will need 2 separate places to stay’ adding stuff on. She knows what’s best as she has kids so I was like ‘yeah sure’ it all sounded reasonable.
But then my cousin said she didn’t want to go to that specific place because it had some bad reviews (it has TONS of great ones). She’s started making suggestions for other places. Including one she knows I didn’t like (really busy and noisy).
I and my brother both said we wanted to go to this one. My cousin wasn’t happy, making more reasons why she didn’t want to go. Then said she thought her boys wouldn’t like it because of this and that.
Eventually, I said. ‘If your boys don’t want to come that’s okay I won’t be offended, my brother’s kid can bring a friend or his other cousin instead.’ (His mum’s friend has a son who he gets on with)
She said it’s unfair her boys miss out on a holiday because I won’t be flexible. I know it probably wouldn’t be a huge deal to change it, but her attitude has put me off. I wasn’t doing this for praise, I wanted a fun time with the kids, but I was expecting her to be a little bit grateful or just say ‘I’d rather them not go to that one but thank you for offering’.
AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Advice Anymore?
“I (39 f) recently got accepted into a very prestigious university as a mature student. I’m due to start in a few weeks’ time.
One of my classmates from my access course (58 f) feels that I only got my place because of her.
She’d kind of latched on to me in class and kept giving me unsolicited advice. A lot of the advice she dishes out is not very helpful but I tend to just let her ramble on because I get the sense that it makes her feel good.
She is also incredibly patronizing towards me for example she was saying that she would broaden my horizons by showing me around London (where she lives) – then got annoyed with me when I pointed out to her that I used to live and work in London several years ago (I think she assumed I was a hick).
She keeps saying that her advice was the tipping point for me getting my life on track. This isn’t remotely true as I actually have a very good tutor at my uni who had given me a lot of genuine guidance, and I’d already decided to apply for uni without her input and have lots of to-do lists and wall planners at home where I organize what I’m doing with my life.
I feel like the misunderstanding may be partly my fault because I’m neurodivergent (autistic) and I know people sometimes misread me or underestimate me because I’m introverted.
But it’s an awkward situation because she doesn’t believe in autism, and gets annoyed if I mention it because she sees it as a victim identity.
I’ve already apologised to her but I’m kind of hurt that she called me a narcissist for not wanting her advice.
Before anyone pulls me up on this I am very grateful to my many friends who have been there for me during my university application process and I know I’ve been very blessed. I just don’t think that someone who sits next to me in class and tells me how to dress and who to date should get credit for my university place.”
8. AITJ For Asking My Wife's Mother To Leave Our Wedding Because Of Her Perfume?
“I just got married to the love of my life. I’ve usually gotten on pretty well with my new in-laws. Usually, my mother-in-law doesn’t wear perfume, or at least not any that I’ve been able to notice. My wife had her mother be her matron of honor so she was standing with us upfront.
It was a small area and with her right next to my wife, I was able to smell her perfume. Shortly after the ceremony started I started to get watery eyes and sniffles. Our ceremony was supposed to only last 20 minutes max so I thought I would just push through unless it got worse.
It didn’t get worse until after the ceremony when my new mother-in-law hugged me. Itchy eyes, itchy throat, and headache got added to the mix. My wife asked if I was alright and I told her I think her mother’s perfume was getting to me.
We had someone go get some allergy medication. I took one but it didn’t do a whole lot and I started to feel out of it.
Get to the reception and we started to do our photos, and I couldn’t do group photos with my mother-in-law in them.
I told my wife we needed to figure something out because my symptoms weren’t letting up and I didn’t want to be out of it by taking more meds for our reception or having to leave our own reception.
My wife asked her mom to keep some distance between us to try and make it easier for me. It didn’t really. That perfume followed her like a cloud. Then my wife asked her mom to try and wash wherever she dabbed her perfume but mother-in-law said she hadn’t dabbed it on, she spritzed herself so it was on her dress too.
At that point, they said they were out of ideas and there wasn’t anything we could do.
I said there was one more thing and suggested that maybe mother-in-law leave to change her dress and then come back or even just go to a nearby thrift store or something and get any kind of clothes, I’d even pay for them.
I asked my mother-in-law to either please do that or to leave and we’d visit later with cake because it was getting to the point that I would have to leave. My wife and mother-in-law objected to this because my wife wanted her mom there the whole time.
I understand the day was big for my wife and she wanted her mother there and I wanted her there too but I wasn’t able to enjoy my own wedding. I wound up sitting outside with some of my family and groomsmen.
I started to feel better and when I did, my wife came out and asked if I’d be going back inside then. I told her no so long as her mom was still there and hadn’t changed.
The night ended with my wife spending our wedding night at her parents’ house.
AITJ for asking my mother-in-law to leave?
ETA: My wife is aware of this. I had a similar reaction to a perfume she bought before. This was only the third time I’ve had a reaction that bad to perfumes.”
7. AITJ For Suddenly Quitting My Job?
“So, I (19 F) worked 2 jobs until last Sunday. In my second job, I was making a crap ton of money as a waitress and was getting plenty of hours to complete the internship requirement at my school.
However, at my first job working to-go, I was barely averaging 4 hours per day every week, and while I made $12/hour, I only made around $15 in tips – barely enough to pay for my therapy. I tried to get more hours and work more days a week, but they refused to schedule me, so I was forced to get a second job.
I had planned on quitting within two weeks and being professional. Then Mother’s Day happened. I was scheduled from 4 pm-8 pm, and my mother was having her dinner at 7 pm at her favorite restaurant. I was supposed to get off work and drive 30 minutes to the restaurant and had made it clear to both managers working my shift that I had a prior engagement scheduled after my shift and needed to be cut on time.
I work my shift, and 8 pm rolls around, and a flood of orders roll in, and I think ‘Okay, get these done, and I’ll get to leave.’ I get them done in 30 minutes and then start stocking up.
My manager tells me she’s going to try and get me out in the next 15 minutes. Then immediately changes her mind. I pull out my phone to tell my mother, and she insists I put it away, or she’ll take it.
It’s been an hour, my phone is going nuts, and we have been getting orders intermittently every 20 minutes or so, but always 2 or 3. I resort to going to the restroom to tell my mom I’m not off yet.
She tells me they’ve already paid the check and couldn’t wait any longer, but they’ll come get me so I don’t have to walk.
It’s been an hour and a half since I was scheduled to be off.
My parents pull up, and by this point, I’m mad. My manager has given no clue as to when I’ll be able to leave, and is telling me to ‘Get over whatever is wrong because the customers can tell.’ (No they can’t; they’re DoorDashers anyways.) So I tell her I quit and not to schedule me again, and that I don’t have the time or energy to work a job that doesn’t respect me or my commitments.
Later, the other manager texts me and says I was unprofessional, and that I won’t last long in the food industry if I’m not willing to work. She said (not in so many words) that what I did was a jerk move, and it’s been eating me inside.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Do Something My Wife Wants To Do Just Because "I'm Not Doing Anything"?
“I (34 m) had a fight with my wife (33 f) and I need some perspective because this is an ongoing issue.
On Wednesday we were talking about stuff in our garage.
We don’t use it for anything but storage rn, but she will be getting a motorbike in a few months’ time. There’s space for the bike but it’s a good motivator to do a clean out.
Not an immediate urgent problem though.
She said in passing ‘We should clear out all those boxes and get rid of the junk’. I said ‘Yeah, I need to sort through some of that stuff.’ That’s it.
Whole convo. I’m not forgetting or skipping anything, that’s literally it, word for word.
On Saturday I slept late after a huge week and then was just chilling out. She seemed tetchy, asking me repeatedly what I was ‘up to’ today and getting more annoyed when I said things that amounted to ‘just chilling, you?’.
Finally, I asked if there was something she was wanting to do. As far as I know, we had no plans, so I figured on an afternoon reading and cooking, maybe binging some tv as we do when we have a ‘couch day’.
She snappily asked if I was going to sort out the boxes in the garage. I said ‘Today? I wasn’t planning on it.’ She said ‘Remember? You have to sort the stuff out so we can get rid of the junk and clear the garage out’.
‘Yeah, I remember but I wasn’t going to do it today’.
‘But you need to move the junk, I want to sort out the rest of the stuff tomorrow’.
I said I was not really keen to do that today specifically and asked if she had to do the cleanout this weekend, as we hadn’t discussed that and I was happy to do it with her, just not on that timeline as I am working Sunday, so Saturday was my only day off in a 70 hour week.
She was mad.
So this is a recurring problem. I remember the conversation we had, and it was a general ‘We should do X’. No timeframes, no plan, no dates, and no obvious reason for urgency.
She then either truly believes or acts like there was a specific plan to do X at a specific time, gets annoyed when I’m not ready to do it, and then suddenly wants me to do it RIGHT NOW.
This has happened a bunch of times. In my view, we certainly did not make a plan and it was just a generalized idea. If you want to do something at X time you need to say ‘Let’s do this at X time’ and let the other person know.
Don’t you? Am I mad?
I think it’s unreasonable for her to keep assuming that whatever vague thing she says is a plan just because that’s what she thought in her head but never actually said, and expecting me to jump to it the moment she says actually she wants to do it now.
She then gets mad that I won’t just do it right now anyway since I’m ‘not doing anything’.
Am I being unreasonable to think that ‘We should do X’ does not mean ‘We will do X at the very next available opportunity’?
Am I missing something?”
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Not Telling The Truth About How My Dad Died?
“I (F 15) am not speaking to my mom (43) because she’s been lying to me and my brother (M 12) for almost 4 years.
In July 2018 my dad died in a car accident.
The people in the other car – an older couple in their 60s or so – also died. My mom, me, and my brother were all in so much grief. We would sleep together on the couch for weeks and just cry and hold each other.
We went to family therapy and by ourselves and have been doing ok but miss him a lot. We go to his grave and talk about good times.
Turns out all that is a huge lie. I finally felt able to Google the accident and turns out my dad didn’t just die in the accident he caused it by driving under the influence.
It wasn’t his first time driving under the influence. As soon as I saw it I asked my mom what was happening and she said she didn’t want me and my brother to think badly of him!
Well, I do think badly of him! He killed people by driving under the influence at 11 am! She said he had a ‘drinking problem’ and it was a sickness but also admitted that she never made him get help.
She said I didn’t know what it was like to live with someone with drinking problems like I didn’t live here too. I told her she betrayed me by lying and she cried and said sorry and that she’d told me when I turned 18 but it doesn’t change the fact that she lied to me for years.
I’m so mad and hurt that she kept this from me. He was my hero and now I know he was a heavy drinker and I don’t know how to deal with that.
I told one friend and she said I was being too harsh but she doesn’t seem to get it.
So I’m asking you all if I’m the jerk for not talking to my mom because of this?”
4. AITJ For Offering My One Sister To Live With Me?
“I (26) am the older brother of two sisters, Maya (19) and Tia (21).
Our parents are complete jerks, and Maya was their golden child. And honestly, a complete and utter spoiled brat. I get that it’s a harsh thing to say about a kid, but she was. She got special treatment and would get away with murder.
Our parents basically encouraged it despite basically leaving me to raise my sisters so they could ‘enjoy (them)selves’. When I was 18 (Tia was 13 and Maya was 11), I moved out. I stayed in contact with Tia, though I quickly gave up on trying to connect with Maya honestly.
Our parents and Maya were absolutely horrible to Tia while I was gone. So when she was 18, Tia moved out and stayed with me. I’ve made her get some therapy and done my best to be a good brother, and she’s managed to be a lot happier since.
Though after that I basically didn’t see our parents or Maya.
However, last November Maya randomly reached out to us. Tia just ignored it, but Maya is still my little sister so I gave her a chance. In the time without us, she’d really missed us and realized just how spoilt and cruel she was acting.
Apparently, part of how she treated Tia was in jealousy of how I was so close to her but not Maya, though it obviously doesn’t justify it. She had felt guilty for a while but was scared to reach out in case we’d rejected her.
She felt really sincere and was really apologetic and seemed ashamed. I forgave her, and we started talking a lot. I became close to Maya really quickly. We get along great now, and we’re actually pretty similar! Unfortunately, Tia refuses to forgive her, or even respond.
I think she’s being a little unfair, but I understand how she feels.
From talking I noticed that Maya seems to be having a hard time at home. She wasn’t going to say anything but ended up spilling when I pressed her.
Our parents basically turned on her the moment we left, she wasn’t the golden child anymore and had to suffer our parents’ crap. Honestly, I’m ashamed to admit but I never considered how our parents would treat her with us gone.
With how horrible our parents are, I wanted to ask her to move in with me.
Now, I want to make clear, I’m the renter. The rental agreement and bills and everything are all under my name. Tia contributes, but since she’s still in university and my little sister is much less, and unofficial. But when I brought up the idea, Tia was furious.
She rejected it. I tried to compromise and talk, but it went nowhere. So in the end I told Tia I’m offering, and that she can be civil or I can help her move somewhere else. Maya accepted (coming to stay next week) and Tia is MAD and feels I’m choosing the golden child over her.
But I’m not, Maya is suffering and I want to help, she’s a different person now. I understand Tia hurts, and I get her anger, but Maya also needs me right now.
Tia is still angry. And our friends think it was a jerk move.
But Maya is my sister, and I don’t think it’s wrong to help her, I helped Tia back then too.
EDIT:
There are a few things I want to clear up.
1) Maya isn’t lying about this. I know my parents, and Maya DIDN’T even want to tell me about her issues at home.
There is basically no chance it’s all a lie. And she has TRIED and TRIED to talk to and apologized to Tia, but Tia just won’t let her. I know what she did in the past was horrible, but she ISN’T just manipulating me to hurt Tia.
She genuinely hated how she was, and just wants to live somewhere safe and happy and loved.
2) Maya’s acts against Tia were verbal and psychological. It was disgusting and I know how deeply it hurt Tia. Our parents were mostly really neglectful, aside from verbal/emotional abuse and rewarding Maya for being the golden child.
Being perfect and cruel meant she would get their love, which neither of us did.”
3. AITJ For Throwing My Partner's Phone Into The Sea?
“It was my partner (26M) and I’s (21F) one-year anniversary about two weeks ago. He never planned to take me anywhere so I took initiative and reserved for both of us a private romantic boat ride.
I thought it would be a relaxing break from what had been really stressful weeks for me and hoped it could be a great opportunity for quality time between us.
My partner, however, was less than excited and seemed ungrateful for all the effort I had put into planning this.
Every time I mentioned how much I was looking forward to the ride, he got quiet or tried to change the conversation. I tried to talk to him about this but he was never clear with what he wanted.
When the day of our anniversary came, we got to the boat without much issue. My partner was unusually quiet, but I was still looking forward to the evening. But once we were on the boat, I kept trying to make conversation with him, but he was clearly unhappy despite all the work I had put into making sure we had the perfect evening.
After maybe ten minutes, he pulled out his phone, which really set me off.
Now, one thing you need to know about me before I continue is that I was raised in a household where we value interpersonal connection.
No phones at the dinner table, no phones during family time—in general, I’m the kind of person who gets really frustrated by phones being where they shouldn’t be. Particularly, during a date commemorating our one-year anniversary seemed like an obviously inappropriate time and place for phones.
Naturally, you will assume I was less than pleased when my partner pulled his phone out of his pocket, so before I even had the chance to think I grabbed it and threw it in the sea. He immediately freaked out on me, asking why I did that and calling me irrational when he was just checking his phone for a text.
I told him he was being rude during what was supposed to be ‘us time’. And this is the moment when he finally decides to let me know that he has a fear of open water, and has (apparently) been uncomfortable all day.
Now, my partner’s family has been calling me non-stop expecting me to somehow find him the budget for a new phone.
So, AITJ? On one hand, my partner is angry with me for throwing his phone away and ‘making the date all about me,’ but on the other hand, I think it is incredibly rude to pull out your phone while your SO is trying to talk to you on your anniversary.”
2. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Play With My Stepdaughter's IPad?
“So, I (38 F) have 2 daughters and 1 stepdaughter to my husband (42 M).
My stepdaughter (16 F) is the artsy type, she owns a lot of paints, pencils, etc to draw, and this summer she was accepted into an art course held by one of the biggest art colleges (they allow people who are in the second last year of high school to do college courses part-time during school.) but this course was during summer so every Tuesday she’s out of the house for 6 hours.
The other day my youngest daughter (12 F) wanted to use my stepdaughter’s iPad to play. My husband was out so I didn’t see why not and keep it a small secret, so she played in it for a while until my stepdaughter arrived home.
As soon as she got to her room she began to scream at my daughter, when I came up she continued to yell at me. She was complaining about how there are now chew marks on the Apple Pencil (which we can easily just get a cover for?) and that she drew over one of her pieces on the iPad and saved it so she can’t delete the layer (apparently it was on a layer that has a lot of the detail work) and began to cry because she had some sort of online art competition that she now didn’t have time to remake another piece for since the deadline was at 6 pm that night.
She didn’t stop screaming at me until my husband arrived home.
She ran to him telling him everything while continuing to yell. And I just told him that my daughter wanted to use the iPad and that she can fix whatever was done.
My husband, on the other hand, took his daughter’s side saying that her room isn’t an open invitation for my daughter’s interests and that the iPad belonged to his daughter so I shouldn’t have told my daughter that it was alright to use.
I honestly think it’s a little stupid as there are plenty of other competitions she can join in and she can just redraw whatever it was but apparently, that’s not the case for my husband and his stepdaughter.
Now my stepdaughter refuses to stay in the same room as me and my husband isn’t saying more than ‘morning.’ Or ‘goodnight.’ to me. AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Refusing To Go To A Different Restaurant For My Husband's Son?
“My (38 f) husband ‘Cameron’ (35 m) and I have ‘Millie’ (7 f), and my husband has ‘Moe’ (15 m) from before.
So my family has a tradition of meeting up at a seafood restaurant in the town I grew up in.
We planned a get-together for this weekend as it’s the last weekend before the kids have school. It was just supposed to be us and my parents for dinner; not supposed to be Cameron’s weekend with Moe but his ex had something come up.
We didn’t mind having him come along but here’s the issue. Moe is allergic to seafood. There weren’t really alternate entrées but they had a lot of sides so I figured he could easily have some of those.
When we saw the menu, Cameron whispered to me that there wasn’t really anything Moe could eat and asked if we could go to another restaurant. The problem was that my parents don’t eat at chain restaurants and that’s really all else there is, and my dad is diabetic and needs to eat.
To keep things going well I decided we should stay where we were.
I thought things had gone well but before we left Cameron pulled me aside, he said he was upset that I didn’t seem to care that his son ate applesauce for dinner because he couldn’t have a meal and the sides were mostly fried things cooked on the same equipment.
He said that if it had been Millie then I definitely would have insisted we eat somewhere else. That is true, but Millie has an anaphylactic peanut allergy and can’t even be around it, whereas Moe just can’t ingest his allergen so it’s a little different.
I didn’t mean to cause trouble, and I did get Moe a Happy Meal on the way back so he didn’t starve or anything, but I had no idea he was coming until this morning and so I’m not sure it was on me to cancel plans I didn’t know were going to be a problem.
Cameron said that I should just ‘count him out’ on getting together with my family from now on and he’s going to have to rethink things with us. I wasn’t trying to slight my stepson, I understand there was a lot at play here but I wonder if I handled it correctly.
AITJ?”
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