People Try To Walk Away From These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Buying My Son's Friend A Gift When My Son Bought Something With His Own Money?
“So a few days back I had my son (10) and his friend (13) out with me as I needed to get some things.
While out my son asked to go to a store that had something he’d been saving for, as he now had the money saved up. So the three of us went, my son bought what he wanted and we left.
When we met with my wife and she saw this, she asked if I had bought his friend anything while there, I explained no and that I hadn’t bought our child anything either, he bought it himself, this resulted in her having a go at me because it wasn’t fair on his friend to be stood there with no money unable to get anything.
I was completely side-struck by this and wasn’t expecting it, I genuinely hadn’t thought about it (to be honest I was just back from work, starving and tired, and had to go straight out to the store with the boys as soon as I arrived home, so wasn’t in a clear frame of mind).
Not expecting it I said I hadn’t thought and I made a mistake. This wasn’t good enough, she stormed off with my son’s friend and bought him something of equal value (£30) and has barely spoken to me since.
For clarity, had my child not had £30 I also wouldn’t have bought him the thing he wanted, that’s not a small amount of money to spend randomly for a family of our size, and to me justified not doing it for his friend either.
I’m now thinking, surely this is unfair to our child if you want to be granular about it, as he had to spend his own money on something, while his parents went and spent that same amount on his friend. Makes no sense to me, despite my acknowledging at the time that it was a mistake, having thought about it I’m not sure it was as much of a crime as it was painted to be.
Interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, your trip was specifically for your son to buy the thing he’d saved for. If his friend was bothered by not being in a position to buy anything for himself he could have refrained from going or expressed to your son that he didn’t want to do that.
Secondly, a thirteen-year-old child is old enough to grasp the concept of saving for something special. And to grasp the concept of the financial differences between families if it’s true that he was bothered by not being in a position to buy something. Lastly, your wife has now shown your son, who should have learned a lesson in delayed gratification in the name of personal financial responsibility, that it doesn’t benefit him to save up for what he wants.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you buy stuff for your children’s friends?? Are we in the world so full of snowflakes that 13-year-olds cannot emotionally deal with the fact that a friend buys himself a toy?? I honestly cannot understand the reasoning here. Even if you had bought sth for your son, you have zero obligation to buy something for his friends just because they are present.
With the border being somewhere around a normal ice cream cone.” nordic_wolf_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – different if you were buying food or drink, then definitely would have also bought for the friend but your son bought something for himself with his own money that he saved up so I don’t see any “obligation” to buy his friend the same.
That devalues the fact that he saved his own money for this item. I don’t think the friend would have gotten jealous either, to be honest. Your wife overreacted” Georgiaeco
23. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Narcissistic Mother-In-Law?
“My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 2. I never cared for his mother but I kept my mouth shut.
She doesn’t live where we do and only see her once a year. Text every few months or she texts with her woe is me stuff, he ignores her. They’re not close at all and she’s just drama. She’s been asked many times not to speak poorly of my FIL but, she doesn’t listen.
She gaslights my husband nonstop.
For context, she up and left my FIL half of my husband’s life ago. Moved across the country to “do what’s best for her”. She provided no child support or anything like that. She can’t admit she left her kids and presents herself as the best mother ever.
Biggest hypocrite I’ve ever met. My husband became ill a few years ago, she walked into the hospital, took a selfie, and reactivated her social media account after two years.
My husband is very passive and can easily ignore things/people. She started one of her many childish fights before our wedding with my husband.
She ended up texting me saying things like have a nice life with my son. Childish things. I can’t lie, I was glad she finally stepped on my toes. I told her how it was and made her aware I knew about all the terrible things she’d done.
My husband reached his limit and decided he was done with her. She ended up not coming to our wedding and after sulking to my eldest BIL, he didn’t attend our wedding either. But like always, a few months go by and she’s texting him like nothing happened. We just ignore her and have her blocked on everything.
But she is steady on the smear campaign.
I had a narcissistic parent and I knew what she was from day one. I tried to stay out of it but, she gave me no choice. Her own family knows what she’s like and they understand where we’re coming from.
However, we’ve gotten the “life’s too short to hold a grudge” a few times. I just don’t think I have it in me to have anything to do with her, ever again – which I openly state.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“Life’s too short to hold a grudge” works both ways. Your MIL seems to be holding a grudge against your FIL, your husband, and you. It’s good that other people are realizing who she is, and it’s good for you to set boundaries with your MIL by blocking her.
Life may be too short to hold a grudge, but it’s also too short to be with people like your MIL. Spend your life with people you want to spend your life with, and if your MIL isn’t on that list, your MIL isn’t on that list.” HumbleConnection762
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Life’s too short to put up with her nonsense. However, you COULD compromise – Just hold the grudge for HER lifetime. It’s fair…..” DryPoetry6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What the family means is they want MIL to have her punching bags back.
Who do you think she mistreats now that her choice targets are gone?” Round_Butterfly2091
22. AITJ For Considering Leaving My Accusatory Disabled Mother To Improve My Mental Health?
“Our culture is very family-oriented. My mother (75), who has been living with me (55), and my family are in a very difficult situation. My mother is a retired farmer who had to stop working in 2005 due to a health problem that made her disabled. She used to rely on us, her children, our father, and government assistance ($10/month, which is nearly useless) to cover her living expenses.
She also had a bad habit of lending money to others without expecting anything in return, which drastically decreased her retirement fund. My father passed away in a car accident many years ago. My sister was the one who took care of our mother after she became disabled. My sister also had a daughter.
My sister got a restraining order against the father and raised her daughter alone. Sadly, my sister passed away unexpectedly, leaving my niece, who’s still in middle school, orphaned. My wife and I decided to take them in and move to our hometown, which was 700 kilometers away.
We had quit our jobs earlier than planned, almost ten years prior. We became my mother and niece’s only source of income for 30 years. My daughter, who was working in another city, pitched in by sending us 60% of her monthly salary. We also did some side jobs around town to make ends meet, but we can’t afford a full-time job because we’re in our 50s and have to care for my mother.
I love my mother and niece and want to provide a comfortable life for them.
My mother sold her land for around $8000 ten years ago. She recently checked her balance and found that it had dropped to $2000. She was enraged and accused us of stealing her money.
“You’ve never touched those funds yourself for 10 years?” my wife asked.
And my mother refused to answer. Her accusations were hurtful to us. We tried to explain that we had never touched her money and had been providing for her for years. But she wasn’t convinced. I feel like we’ve wasted our time and energy on someone who doesn’t respect us.
My wife and I discussed the fact that we no longer feel obligated to care for her. But after all, she is still my mother. She is old and sick, and she requires our assistance. Despite everything, I still love her.
Anyway, we’re thinking about leaving her and moving to the same city as our daughter.
We believe it would benefit our mental health and happiness. But we also question whether we are being selfish and cruel. So AITJ if I leave and stop supporting my mother?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother’s confusion and paranoia can be signs of mental decline.
Please try not to take it personally. Also, if there are banking records you can show her so she can see for herself when and how much she withdrew, she might realize how all those little gifts and favors added up to such a large amount over time.
I know you must have felt hurt by her accusation, but she must have felt genuine surprise and dismay at hearing how little money she had left. It doesn’t excuse her irrational accusation. But you have to consider her shock at hearing her money vanish and her mind grasping at how it could have happened. And she can’t be as sharp as she used to be.
That said, you don’t owe family support forever at your own expense. It’s tough now that she is elderly and disabled. Does your country have medical care elder assistance or assisted living you can help her qualify for and obtain before you just leave he on her own?
It sounds like she is very dependent on you, and I would expect that without outside help, she’ll decline very rapidly both physically and mentally. If she is severely disabled, she could starve or fall and injure herself or die without regular check-ins from someone.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Actions have repercussions. Accusing you of stealing, after you turned your, and your child’s, lives upside down to care for her was petty, cruel, and short-sighted. My dad did something similar, only he had dementia. It’s shockingly painful to be accused of bad acts by someone for whom you’ve made major sacrifices.
$8000 is a lot of money. Why didn’t your mother put that towards household expenses? If your daughter is having to send home the majority of her salary I can’t see why your mother was keeping money to herself. But, it’s lucky she did as she’ll need that remaining $2,000 to figure out how she’s going to live without your generosity.
I hope life closer to your daughter is easier and more enjoyable.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are expecting too much of your daughter. She should never have been sending you 60% of her income. Moving near to her is fine, but make sure you’re pulling your weight and not continuing to lean on her like that.” Ok-Abbreviations4510
21. AITJ For Considering Skipping My Dad's Wedding Due To My Stepmom's Behavior?
“When I was 12, my mom passed away. My dad was heartbroken, as was I. He met my stepmom when I was 16, she did not like me. She would outright ignore me when my dad was not around, and not answer when I talked to her, it was like I did not exist unless my dad was there.
I told him about it but since she was always nice when he was around he never believed me. I overheard her on the phone talking about how I was annoying and that she was glad I was turning 18 and could finally start moving out.
I tried telling my dad about this conversation and many others, yet again, he did not believe me. I moved out about a year ago (I am 20 now).
They are going to get married this summer, however, the date they have planned is during a week I and one of my friends are going away on a trip.
The trip is refundable and I know we could go almost any other time this summer. But I am thinking of not going to their wedding. I reason that if I and stepmom had a great relationship or even a cordial one, I would have canceled it and gone to their wedding.
We also booked that specific week since it is one of the cheapest weeks of the whole summer. But at the same time, my dad is happy with her and I know he would want me there.
Would I be a jerk if I didn’t cancel the trip and didn’t go to my dad’s wedding?
If I were I of course would rebook and go to the wedding. (I have talked with my friend and she is fine with whatever, we work for the same company and it is flexible). I of course would tell my dad beforehand that I won’t show up, I would not no show.”
Another User Comments:
“The real question is what will make you the happiest 10 years from now? Sure it might feel great to not go and stick it to her now, but it might also be the end of any sort of relationship with your dad.
Given that it sounds like you are already distancing yourselves, that might be something that you are comfortable with. However, if not, you won’t be able to make up for missing this wedding which will likely be a deeply personal blow to your dad.
Not going may mean not having a relationship with him at all. You would not be a jerk either way but I wouldn’t just focus on your current feelings about the bride but instead would consider the long-term ramifications on your relationship with your dad.” raeofthenerds
Another User Comments:
“You’re an adult and of course can do what you want. But if you don’t go, she wins. She hasn’t done anything to foster your respect. And you don’t have to give it to her. But ….That’s exactly what she wants, to drive a wedge between you and your dad.
Don’t let her. Go and be polite. You don’t have to talk to her. Congratulations to your father and be done. Then go have fun. No jerks here. Edit to add you might want to think about having your phone on record when it’s just the two of you for any further interactions.
I’d be mad if my dad didn’t believe me. Give him proof.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for whatever you decide… you could be petty and go and just ignore your step-mom lol just act like she doesn’t exist and if your dad says anything just reply with “I’m treating her how she treats me” and nothing more.
But wouldn’t blame you for not going and if your dad says anything then just tell him your side. If he wants to pick his new wife over you that’s his loss.” ThisEnvironment6627
20. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Daughter Move To England With Her Partner?
“My wife and I (46F, 48M) have two daughters Sarah (23F) and Carrie (6F).
We live in Scotland and Sarah is moving to live with her friend who lives in England.
Sarah has been seeing Jack for 2 years now. They met at university and they’ve been doing long-distance work. I like him for the most part. He’s polite and respectful, is good with Carrie and I know he makes Sarah happy.
I’ve met him a few times when he has traveled to meet us but it’s usually Sarah traveling to visit him on weekends. I do believe he could put more effort into visiting Sarah though, which he has always been welcome to do.
Sarah sprung it on us yesterday that they plan to move in together and asked my wife and me for help. I said no. We had a back and forth about it and she left to see friends.
I told her no for a few reasons.
1 being she would have to leave her job which she was very lucky to get in the first place. It’s very niche and hobby-related and I doubt another job would make her as happy as this one. I don’t want her to abandon what she has for the sake of a relationship that may or may not work down the line.
2 being I don’t have enough holiday days to take off from work based on family commitments already planned. 3 being she could slowly move her things over on weekends when she travels to see Jack anyway.
Sarah thinks I’m being unfair since she is willing to pay for the van hire and that she wants us to see her new place and to be there for a “huge milestone“ – I also disagree with that, it is not like she is moving into a house, she’s moving into a small flat in the middle of Sheffield.
Am I being a jerk here? I called my sister for advice and she said this is an exciting opportunity for me to see Sarah make her way in life and that I should step up.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If you’re genuinely not able to help her move because you can’t take additional time off, then just say that.
None of the other reasons are good reasons for you as a parent to not help your child who is explicitly asking you for help. Also, if she can just move things slowly over weekends, why can’t you go with her on a weekend and not take days off?
You seem like you want to use this as an opportunity to remind her that you don’t approve of this decision. ” Huge_Researcher7679
Another User Comments:
“Sorry dude but YTJ. You can dislike what she is doing, and there’s nothing wrong with you having a chat with her to find out why she is moving, how she feels about leaving her job and making sure she has thought this through.
However she is a grown-up and can make her own decisions, and it sounds like she is excited about this one! She wanted to share that excitement with you. Isn’t that good? Do you want her to stop inviting you to important things in her life?
I’d be gutted if I was her. It would be different if the partner was abusive but he sounds fine. You just have an image in your head of who she should be and what she should do, but that’s not up to you anymore.” Lizm3
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for not helping her, but YTJ for the reasons. Of course, your holidays off are a valid reason – but let’s be honest that’s a thing you added later to your list. Let her live her life. She has to make her own mistakes to grow.
Not helping her move because YOU don’t know whether the relationship is going to last or not is just childish. Your part as a parent is to be there for her and not to decide if the relationship has a future.” Deep_Mood_7668
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I do think you might want to reconsider how you’re approaching this situation. It sounds like you have valid concerns about Sarah’s job and the practicality of her moving, and those are important things to bring up.
You’re looking out for her future, which is what any good parent would do. However, I can also see why she feels hurt that you’re not more enthusiastic about such a big change in her life. Moving in with someone is a huge milestone, even if it’s just into a small flat.
To Sarah, it represents a new chapter in her relationship and her independence. Your hesitation about helping her might come across as you not supporting her decision, which is likely why she feels upset. I think your reasons make sense, but maybe framing them differently or having another conversation where you acknowledge her excitement could help.
As for your sister’s advice, she might be right in saying this is a significant moment for Sarah, and it could be a good opportunity for you to support her in a way that strengthens your relationship. Maybe you could compromise—if you can’t take time off work, you could offer to help in other ways, like providing advice or helping her organize the move.” User
19. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Younger Brother's College Education?
“I am an incoming 4th year student. My parents have already given me responsibilities. Firstly, they did not invest in me. I am studying at a state university, pursuing a degree that is not close to my heart because my older brother’s degree was very expensive.
My brother graduated two years ago and decided to start a family and get married. I own a small business that earns 20k or more per month (started it via loan), and I have been supporting myself since senior high school.
During a dinner last week, they mentioned that I should support my younger brother (in senior high school) through college since my older brother now has a family of his own to feed. I found this very irritating and lashed out.
I told them that I would not do it because even though they are both retired, they can support my younger brother. After all, they have a successful business and they did not invest in me. At that time, they could support both me and my brother, as well as a random kid at the same time.
The program I was in was essentially tuition-free because I received a scholarship. The only issue was the miscellaneous fees.
Now, will I not be able to have a life and family after I graduate because I still have a brother to support? For the record, they did not say that to my brother when he was graduating; they even paid for his review for a license for him to focus.
I do not know why they are treating me like this – maybe because I am a girl or the middle child. They called me ungrateful and unpleasant. My whole family is against me; they kicked me out of the family and clan group chat.
I guess I have been disowned. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on this post, your parents seem to have favorites. The idea that you should support your sibling instead of your parents supporting their child is wild. If your family would disown you for not giving your sibling money, they don’t like you, they just like your money. ” lvylie
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You’ve been supporting yourself and have been independent from your family for years. It’s insane that they’d ask you to support your brother when you aren’t his parent. That’s unfair to ask of you. And calling you an ungrateful unpleasant person was just rude and unnecessary.
Honestly, OP, their disowning you is an absolute blessing in disguise. They didn’t value you in the first place so it’s just a burden off of your shoulders. You have your successful business to focus on and assuming your business is online, I’d move and block them all if I were you.
Remove any access to yourself and enjoy your life free of these people. Good luck OP.” BombshellBre95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and safely assume you are disowned and continue to live your life. You’re already thriving alone, without their help. You can make your own family, one that will be better and more supportive than what you dealt with growing up.” ConfectionExtra7869
18. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Mom's House To Live With My Partner?
“I’m writing this as my mom’s having a literal mental breakdown (she’s been wailing for 24 hours straight). I told her I’m moving out of her house this summer, in which I’ve been staying for 3 years now, to move in with my partner. I moved to a different city when I was 19 for university and stayed in a dorm/rent for 10 years when I asked her to move from my hometown because she had no one there anymore.
I bought an apartment just 5 minutes from hers but I’m renovating it so I expect I’ll move there by the end of next year.
Now. I’m 30 and I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. We’ll be staying in his apartment. He lives 35 minutes away.
She doesn’t like my partner solely because he didn’t finish his university degree and also “because he’s not handsome and he’s not tall”.
She feels I am lowering the standards of the family as we are all “intellectuals”. She has barely met him and refuses to do so.
My partner didn’t finish his university degree, but he’s very knowledgeable, and understanding and he always pushes me to do better.
I told him I wanted to work abroad in a better country for a few years. He agreed. He’s very kind and affectionate and takes care of his mother and his currently immobilized friend. We’ve never fought as we are both understanding people.
I understand my mother sacrificed her whole life to get me here.
But seeing that both she and her mother had failing marriages, I would very much like a peaceful marriage for myself. A few hours ago she told me I am the biggest disappointment of her life. I told her that my moving didn’t mean we wouldn’t see each other and that I was moving to my apartment when I was done renovating.
So am I the jerk for putting my needs first? I feel like I can’t tiptoe around her just because she feels insecure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 30 years old. You’re allowed to live where you want. Your mother raised you and at some point (such as right now), it’s time to let you go to live your life and for her to live her own life.
I can understand her being disappointed and even expressing that to you, but the fact that this has been going on for 24 hours (SERIOUSLY?) shows that your mother is completely unreasonable here, immature beyond words, and emotionally coercive. Are there cultural issues at play here?
I know that in some places, children (especially daughters) are expected to live with their parents until marriage. Your unwillingness to follow that cultural script/tradition is likely being interpreted as lack of appreciation for how she raised you and even outright rejection of her.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has sacrificed a lot to get you to where you are, but that doesn’t mean you’re required to live with her for the rest of your life. It’s a completely reasonable decision for you to go and live with your partner.
It sounds like she’s clinging a lot to the relationship you two have and she needs to branch out and meet new friends and people.” Captain_Puzzle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 30 years old. It’s time to cut the strings and move out. Your mother sounds like a shallow, immature fool.
She doesn’t like your partner because he isn’t tall or handsome and didn’t finish university? If he’s something like a plumber or electrician he can earn plenty of money without a degree. If you’re in the US, he’ll also have a lot less debt to deal with.
He sounds like he’s got a good personality and makes you happy — and that’s a lot more important than how tall he is. I understand all too well the desire to avoid a failing marriage. My parent’s unhappy marriage and my brother’s unsuccessful marriage played a role in my decision to stay single.
Who needs the grief that goes with a bad marriage? You were wise to take your time and make certain that you had found Mr. Right. I’d wager that your mother’s upset because she knows that if you marry Mr. Right, he’ll take precedence over her in your life.
That will be especially true if you have children. She wants to be the top priority in your life and feels threatened. Hence, the insults and wailing. As for your preventing her from living her own life, that’s not your fault. If you decide to have kids, you have to accept certain realities, like not being able to go on vacations or to parties without making certain the kids are being looked after.
Spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment fun becomes a thing of the past until the kids are at least school-age.” Architeuthis81
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Broke Her Promise To Drive Me To Supercon?
“I (M16) have had plans to go to Florida Supercon 2024 for about 5 months now. I got approval from my parents for months now, too. The original plan was to go with a group of friends from school.
One of them would pick me up on the way to the convention center and stay the night at their place. A little over a month ago, each one started canceling, including my ride. I went to my mother panicked, and started explaining what was going on.
She assured me that she could take me if no one was able to. The convention center is about an hour away from my house. About three weeks ago, I asked my mother if we should buy the tickets before the price went up.
She got all weird and said that she didn’t want to buy them yet.
I’ve reminded/asked her to get them every other day since then. But yesterday (3 days before the con) she just said she didn’t want to drive me anymore and that she won’t buy the ticket unless I can find a ride. I’ve spent about 50+ hours building a Guts cosplay just for this occasion.
Normally I would feel bad because I’m aware that these cons get pricey. With the ticket price, gas, food, and even just trinkets it adds up quickly. But I haven’t asked for money for anything other than food with friends ( which is like 20 bucks tops) every month or so.
It’s not like she’s busy or anything because she quit her job and has no appointments or anything to do. She’s just being lazy. Now I can’t go because I have no ride (she won’t allow me to get an Uber).
Now I’m just upset because I’ve been looking forward to this for months and had spent so much time on my outfit for nothing. Am I in the right or am I being ungrateful?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry this happened. Nothing is worse than when your parents lie.
I’m still angry about my parents and the two or three times their promises fell flat. I never promise my daughter anything I can’t guarantee absolutely. It is disappointing when the people you are trained to trust the most let you down. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure something out.
If not, you’ll be prepared for next year. ETA NTJ” Melodic-Map-669
16. AITJ For Snapping At Friends For Always Making Me Plan Our Trips?
“I (34f) have two young children and a disabled partner (42) that I care for. I also occasionally take weekend trips with some friends (42m, 41f) for a shared hobby. These are my weekends off, my me time, my sanity restore time.
I noticed about a year ago that I was always the one booking accommodations, tasked with finding restaurants that could accommodate everyone’s dietary restrictions (even though I have none) and essentially doing all the trip planning right down to road trip music. (Not at my insistence, I swear I’m not a control freak, but they both claim I should do it, always with the excuse of “Oh but you choose better”).
It’s exhausting. I feel like it’s not my vacation time, I’m just trading one family I have to manage for another. I’ve talked to them about this on several occasions. They always apologize and promise they will do better. But here we are on another trip and both of them just stood there on the sidewalk and stared at me, literally asking “Where are we going to eat?”- I tried asking what they felt like eating, no opinion.
What mood they were in? No answer. I’m just so tired of having to pry out information for their benefit. Once again, we’ve talked about this and it always ends up the same. So I lost it and snapped at them both and now dinner is very quiet and very awkward.
We’re all neurodivergent, so planning is a must- but it always falls on me because “they don’t care” (they do. They care very much), or it stresses them out, or they don’t know the area (they could use Google same as I do).
Anyway. I think I just need to ask, am I the jerk for not always wanting to be the ringleader of the circus? I get that I organize by nature, but it feels unfair to always demand it of me. It’s being implied heavily that I’m simply having a tantrum or a meltdown (I am autistic).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s very draining always being the one having to initiate things, be the planner, and set things up. You shouldn’t be the one making all the decisions all the time and it’s frustrating that you’ve had a conversation about it with them in the past but nothing has changed. I’d maybe distance myself for a while from them- if they want to make plans and bring them up to you before going out then great, but if not it’s not worth the burnout.” FoxgloveMilkshake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your current frustration. You may need to get specific about what “doing better” means. Assigning them different days to pick out meals and activities? (Could still be more work just hammer that out). Hate to tell you, but you did know what you were getting into since this is a pattern of behavior. I usually do planning also and went to England to stay with a friend who did everything.
What a huge mental difference!” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That sounds exhausting. If they say they don’t care, then start treating them like they don’t care & pick what you want. Either they can stop lying about not caring & take initiative, or they can keep their mouths shut.
It isn’t your fault if they won’t tell the truth, and then want something specific or different. That’s another version of them dumping responsibility for everything & everyone else on you. Their choice to be intentionally helpless (not googling) isn’t your responsibility. So start doing what you want with less consideration for them.
It’ll force them to speak up, or they’ll choose to do things with you less often. Either way, that’s less responsibility and draining energy being put on you.” Here_IGuess
15. AITJ For Asking My Family To Pay For The Carpet Cleaner They Broke?
“I (30s, M) recently purchased a carpet cleaner to keep on top of our home carpets (we have a young child and a naughty dog).
When I bought it, I used it once only. After two weeks, my stepdad asked to use it. He then allowed my two sisters to use it too without asking me if it was okay. I had to deliver it and pick it back up myself, despite my stepdad being able to drive.
When it was returned to me, I didn’t use it again owing to working away and being quite time-poor.
Two weeks ago, he asked to use it again. Again I dropped it off and he said he’d bring it back. Last week, my sister told me that he’s since dropped it at hers as she wanted to use it – again without asking me.
She then told me that she turned it on, and there was a really bad burning smell and she couldn’t use it.
I’m frustrated because 1) The cleaner has been passed around to everyone without my permission, 2) My sister doesn’t drive so again I’m having to make a 1.5hr round trip to collect it when I don’t have that much time, and 3) If the cleaner is broken I’m going to be upset because I’ve only used it once myself and it cost me £295.
My sister and my stepdad are not in a position to purchase their machines as my stepdad doesn’t work and my sister only works part-time – both struggle financially. But I don’t think it’s fair or right for them to break something I’ve lent in good faith and expect me to be okay with it and pay for a repair / new machine when I’ve only used it once myself.
My sister claims she didn’t break it and also that she called out my stepdad who also denied it breaking, citing that he’s “googled” it and it’s a known issue.
WIBTJ if, when I collect it and it is indeed broken, I message them both and ask them to pay half each for a new model, knowing they can’t afford it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it still under warranty? Then return it to the store and see what they can do first. If it’s not under warranty, maybe they can repair it or at least tell you what caused the malfunction. It sounds like your family might not be willing to pitch in for repair or replacement.
I would ask them, but it doesn’t sound like that will work. So never let them borrow any device ever again.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is the reason you don’t lend things to people. They didn’t ask to borrow it, they’ve passed it around they’ve used it without your permission and they haven’t returned it when they said they would.
And now it’s broken. I think you should tell them that you are very upset with them and that you’re going to have to sell it to get your money back. That’s probably the only way to get your point across.” NoahsPalz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and yes they should pay for replacement. Here’s some practical advice regardless. If it’s still under warranty and you bought it from a big box store, try to return it and tell them it simply failed and stopped working (don’t give them a long story about someone else was using it, etc.).
A big box store will more than likely accept your return because they have tremendous buying power over the manufacturers and they will get warranty claims honored even for edge cases. Best of luck.” Consistent-Annual268
14. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sick Mom Buy Storm Supplies?
“I (27F) stay home with my mom (64F) who’s recovering from a stroke among other medical issues.
Due to her weakness, I help her with most physical tasks. One such task is errands like shopping. We don’t have a car so there’s a fair bit of walking between taking public transport to do anything. Lately, she’s been asking me to carry way more than I can physically handle.
To prep for Beryl, she sent me an extensive list of supplies, way too much for me to carry alone. I told her this is too much and I’ll be leaving things off the list so I can carry it. Mom got mad about it and removed the money off the card she gave me, saying if I didn’t get everything we’d just go through Beryl with nothing.
Not wanting to go through my first major storm empty-handed, I scraped together what little money I had and quietly left to buy what supplies I could for myself, which wasn’t much.
The next day, the day before the storm. Mom approaches me to get dressed because she’s getting a ride to drop us off at the supermarket for supplies and she needs me to help her.
It’s chaos on the road with empty shelves and last-minute shoppers everywhere, while there was lots of stock & fewer people the day before. I told her I was not going, my time to shop was yesterday and she thwarted that. She was very weak and dizzy that day but I still refused to go with her, in favor of doing last-minute prep of my own.
My uncle ended up staying with her instead due to worry.
Fam says I’m wrong, friends say she takes me for granted and I did the right thing. I’m torn. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand the YTJ or ESH votes. First of all, we don’t even know what was originally on the list so we don’t know what OP may have decided not to get to be able to carry everything themselves.
For OP’s mom to take back the money is so incredibly stupid and petty. Only selfish and/or immature mothers choose to mess over their children because they’re having a tantrum. OP’s friends are right, it sounds like the mom has been taking OP for granted.” AspectNo1992
Another User Comments:
“Not wading in here because it seems like a lose/lose, but want to point out that if you’re the primary grocery shopper and you don’t have a car, invest in a granny cart (as I call them). The one I have can go upstairs, carry six 12 packs of diet soda (the most important grocery of all), and generally make your life easier.
Google “portable shopping cart” and get one with three wheels on the back if you need to lug it upstairs. They’re usually about $60.” ExeUSA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’re trying to do right by your mother, and she became unreasonable with her demands.
You were wise to avoid perishables — that’s not storm-prep food. Next time, don’t even tell her what you will/won’t buy — just do what’s sensible. If you’re able, have a serious talk with the uncle and other vocal family members.
He needs to step up with the car help, and the others need to put up or shut up: if they’re not actively helping, their opinions don’t matter. Make your needs known. You have a life of your own that you deserve to live on your terms.” UnCertainAge
13. AITJ For Changing The Lunch Bill Plan Without Telling My Wife?
“My wife and I, along with my mother and aunt went out to lunch today. The previous day, my wife and I had agreed we would try to pay for our share of the bill rather than having my mother or aunt get it.
Last night, around 11 pm, after my wife had gone to sleep, I had a conversation with my mother that I would just grab the check rather than mess around and fight over the bill. I did forget to mention this to my wife (I work overnights and had just started my shift, and by the end, I had forgotten).
So anyway, at lunch today when the check came, they asked if we wanted separate checks or all on one. I responded one is fine, and then my wife said she had thought we were getting our own. I said we could just get it.
This maybe happened over 2 or 3 seconds and I didn’t think much of it.
After lunch, she was mad because I put her in a position where she said she came off very inconsiderate with her comment about getting our checks (and thus, others would be paying their own).
I assured her no one thought that and it was not a big deal, but was still angry that I had put her in the position and she would have never said anything if I had told her before lunch. I apologized for not letting her know in advance, as I never want to hurt my wife’s feelings, but I maintained it wasn’t a big deal, no one thought that she was being inconsiderate at all.
It’s not about the money at all, everyone at the table could easily afford to treat everyone else, she is mad about the position I put her in. I don’t think this is a big deal, the whole interaction was 3 seconds tops, and no one thought anything of it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ IF you just had not had a conversation with your wife the night prior saying you’d pay for your portion only I’d say NTJ… However, you went against the conversation you had with your wife and then didn’t inform her.” UnPracticed_Pagan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You and your wife agreed to something. Talking with your mom, you changed the plan. You didn’t tell your wife that you and Mommy had overridden the plan you made with her. You dismissed her feelings when she told you how she felt.
Is it normal practice for you to weigh your mother’s opinions/feelings more significantly than your wife’s?” athiestvegan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a benign issue. Why is this even a problem for her? Seems like a common miscommunication that was corrected when you said it was fine.
This is an everyday type of conversation where talking through it (even as it’s happening as it did for you and your wife) clears things up and then everyone moves on like nothing happened because nothing happened. If you were strapped for money or couldn’t afford it, I can see why she’d be upset but that doesn’t appear to be the case here.
And sometimes people use Venmo to sort out who pays for what.” Super-Staff3820
12. AITJ For Not Wanting Our Friend To Bring His New Partner On A Group Camping Trip?
“AITJ if we ask our friend and his new partner not to come on a group trip with us? Fake names used.
Our friend let’s call him “Mark” was seeing our other friend “Wendy” for about two months.
After they broke up he went back to his ex who he had been thinking of every day for the past 4 months(they broke up 4 months ago). They immediately got back together and now want to come on a camping trip with the rest of us that we have been planning for around 3 months.
He and his ex/current partner “Cassie” will have been back together for a month at the time of our trip. I’m the only one who has met her and hung out with her as I am Mark’s roommate.
He just asked if she could come and everyone in our group said no and was pretty upset that he would ask.
He’s upset at the idea that we don’t want her to come. He also said that if she isn’t coming neither is he. And if she did join us then Wendy wouldn’t go. It would just be too awkward. It’s too fresh of a breakup.
When we told Wendy about him asking if his partner could join us and how we felt about the situation and his pushback about it, she broke down crying and calling him a jerk. We agree. It seems he has no emotional awareness of others nor the ability to understand how his actions affect others.
His partner, even knowing that he and Wendy were recently seeing each other, said she still wanted to go. He has made this a bigger deal than it really should be and yet he doesn’t think it is a big deal if Cassie comes. We still have to lay down the rules and tell him she can’t go but we just want to make sure we aren’t the jerks in this situation.
So would we be the jerks if we tell our friend he can’t bring his partner on our camping trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s a new situation everyone is dealing with not just them in their reunited relationship. I think you should message him and just state.
While you are happy he is happy with his new relationship it also affects others in the group. It’s a group trip and therefore everyone in the group deserves a say, who comes. You hope he can understand maybe not just now but in time.
If he doesn’t want to come as his new partner cannot come well then that’s his choice and a choice he has made. Which he has a right to choose. Wish him well, that you wish he was there, and that in the future you can plan something all together, once it’s less raw for all parties involved. Go forth and enjoy your trip with the people that are coming and have a blast. Don’t throw it in his face.
If he cannot accept the decision he’s pretty immature and I’d reevaluate the friendship after that” Early_Ticket_8777
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is the jerk. You don’t make plans and invite additional people to someone else’s planned event and assume that it’s just going to happen you wait to see if the other people are okay with it before you invite that outside person nobody is okay with it therefore the answer is no and if he told her in advance without getting permission that’s his bad.” Saltymama28546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for saying you don’t want his partner to come, possibly YTJ for saying he can’t come. He’s asked if you guys would mind and you said no, it is extremely unfair of him to keep pushing it when this trip was planned without her.
If he doesn’t want to come that’s on him.” TechnicalMaybe9232
11. AITJ For Calling My Cousin Ungrateful After She Took Advantage Of My Family's Kindness?
“So back during a tough time my cousin (22f) came over to my city after quitting her job at McDonald’s because she wanted to study at a community college near me with the support of my (18f) parents.
We provided her a car, and her room and she was welcome to come eat with us as a family. We’d also invite her on family trips and events because to my mother, she was like another daughter (for context, she was born when my mom used to live with her mom.
My mom was kind of like her second mother and I personally know my mother wants me to think of her like a sister). She’d always been a very kind and humble person whom I’d also grown fond of, but everything changed after she graduated from college.
She became distant from us and would never reach out unless it was to ask for money to come visit us, basically asking for us to pay for her plane ticket. My mother would be very excited to see her but she’d only stay a day before saying she was going to travel somewhere near our city.
She’d leave and come back just to await her flight back home. Even after this behavior my mother would still coddle her like she was her daughter and buy her so many things when they’d go out shopping, which she never does to me.
A couple of days back, I questioned her behavior towards us and she commented that it was normal for us to support family. But when I pointed out she wasn’t my sister, she got mad and told me to F off. I then proceeded to say she wasn’t a part of this family and that she was acting like an ungrateful brat.
She hung up the call and called my mother, who reprimanded me for saying that to her and calling me selfish.
So I need to know, AITJ for calling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family provided her with everything she needed or wanted as a young adult, and now she’s suddenly too good to be your family unless she wants something.
Not. Good on you for reminding her of her place. I hope your mom grows a spine sometime, too, because she doesn’t deserve to be treated this poorly by your cousin.” AlastorsQueen
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong to be annoyed. It sounds like your cousin might be taking advantage of your family.
Calling her names wasn’t the best move, but a calm talk could help. Explain you’re happy to see her, but trips are expensive and maybe you can split the cost. Talk to your mom too, because spoiling your cousin might not be helping her in the long run.” No-Discussion3120
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are 18 and presumably living in your parent’s home. Your mother is an adult and can decide for herself whether your cousin is “family” to her. She can decide for herself how to spend her money and what to expect from your cousin’s visits.
If it was bugging you, you could have talked to your mother about it respectfully. You could have asked your mom how she feels about it and whether she would like you to say something to your cousin. You could even have made one more diplomatic comment to your cousin, like “I think Mom paid for your ticket here because she wanted to spend time with you.
Do you think next time you could spend a couple of days with us? I think it would mean a lot to Mom.” You handled this in a way that was almost guaranteed to hurt relationships rather than build them. If it were just you and you were paying and hosting, I would not respond the same way.
However, unless I am missing something, I think you were being a jerk to your mom by confronting your cousin this way. Sometimes one’s children go through a selfish stage as young adults. The parent can decide whether to confront the problem or be forbearing.
Just because your cousin is behaving badly doesn’t mean you are the right person to confront her. You can confront her about stuff she does to YOU but should let your mother handle her relationship with your cousin.” Germane7
10. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Ex-Wife's Husband Who Spends Time With My Kids?delete
“Back in 2020, my ex-wife passed away after a short illness. She had been married to “Peter” for a couple of years. Peter asked if he could still spend time with the boys. I said sure. He doesn’t have any family and I get free childcare and the boys have another adult in their lives.
Lately, I feel like he’s been crossing boundaries and it’s been annoying me to the point where I don’t want anything to do with him. For example, my 7yo Matthew and I will go on weekend fishing trips. Matthew comes home reeking of something strong.
I asked Peter if he started to smoke and explained why. He said no but he uses Old Spice body wash when he baths Matthew. I told him to use the one I sent and he said fine. But my kid still comes home smelling like an 11-year-old boy after the gym.
On Wednesday, Peter took Matthew to the park and both came back with buzz cuts. I had intended to take Matthew for his haircut this weekend so that annoyed me. Then he had the nerve to complain about gas money.
With my 9yo Austin, bought him deodorant.
Maybe Austin needed it but that’s something I take care of. Now he sends food that he doesn’t want with Austin back to our place. Weird stuff like tea, frozen veggies, etc.
I told Peter that he’s been stressing me out and he needs to start running things by me.
I would had said no to a lot of the things he’s doing or has done. He said he was insulted because he’s doing these things for free. I said yes but you wanted to spend time with them. I’m flexible and sensitive to that and you have to comply orb you can’t see them.”
Another User Comments:
“I would talk with your kids about it before cutting Peter off. Do they like spending time with him? Does it matter to them whether they continue to see Peter? Did they want the haircuts? What’s going on with the baths?
Do they have any concerns? If your kids’ answers assuage your concerns, back off and handle it with individual d/w Peter. But ultimately, if your gut says there’s a problem, you’re the parent and can make the decision.” Becalmandkind
Another User Comments:
“Maybe just tell him how you feel. If the kids like hanging out with him, do you really want to end that because he doesn’t do things like you? Did your kid want the haircut, or was it forced? It just seems like these behaviors can change, or you could understand them more, if you just hashed it out over beers or whatever.” GogusWho
9. AITJ For Being Rude To My Mom After Finding Out She's Stepping Out On My Dad?
“I know the title sounds messed up but let me explain. I’m 17F and I’ve never had a great relationship with my parents in general, especially my mom.
We disagree on everything and this mostly stems from my sexuality as my family has never accepted that I am bisexual. My mom mentioned to me on numerous occasions that I better “drop the gay” act before she gets even more off at me. She never respects my interests going as far as to ban me from watching anime of all things because my older brother hates it.
She likes my brother better and I’ve accepted that. But I think one of the worst things she’s said to me was how when I was struggling with depression /anxiety she didn’t want me to get help because it would go my “permanent record” and hurt my chances of getting into an Ivy League school.
Anyways recently I also found out she was being unfaithful to my dad. I’m the only person who knows and though I haven’t told her that I know, but she definitely knows that I know. She’s been treating me even worse than usual, telling me how ashamed she is of how I turned out and how I was a horrible person(this happened cause I didn’t give her a bite of my burger lol).
She’s been mad because I haven’t been texting/talking to her “properly” while she is in Texas visiting family. (I’m at home in a different time zone btw.) She complains how I don’t text her first or call her first and brings up how my brother always asks how she’s doing in this heat but I’m dead silent.
I don’t know how can she expect that from me. Finding out that she was unfaithful made me lose all respect for her. But I don’t know, I’ve talked to some friends and they were telling me I’ve been too harsh and she’s still my mom.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This situation is just . . . sucky. It’s tough to be surrounded by unhealthy people and relationships, especially those that are supposed to be your role models. The best course of action is to get as far away as you can; however, don’t just choose colleges (if you want to go to college) that are far distances away.
Focus on your future and find the career path you want to take, how you want to get there, etc.” SatisfactionWinter66
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. It sounds like you’re dealing with a really toxic situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’d have complicated feelings about your mom, especially after discovering she was unfaithful and how she’s treated you regarding your sexuality, mental health, and preferences.
It seems like your mom hasn’t respected your boundaries or your identity, which would make anyone struggle with maintaining a healthy relationship. It’s normal to distance yourself when someone causes harm, even if they’re family. You deserve to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
It might be worth considering how you want to handle this going forward, but your feelings are valid. You’re not required to prioritize a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, even if they’re your parent. Take care of yourself first.” User
8. AITJ For Making Noise While Getting A Late Night Snack?
“My roommate does not work or really do anything so they don’t need to get up for anything. I’m not saying that alone makes it okay I just mean that it’s not like they’re going to work or school in the morning.
I work from home all day and sometimes all night.
My sleep schedule is all over the place. This isn’t ideal but it’s what happens especially as I have hard deadlines.
Often I will be up at some weird hour and I need to eat something. I go into the kitchen which isn’t next to anyone’s room and try to quietly get a slice of bread and I boil water and make a cup of tea.
I close the kitchen door but still noise will come out.
My roommate who is downstairs below my bedroom complained about being able to hear me walk and making some noise. They are extremely sensitive to sound so I try to walk quietly. I only make noise for about 3 minutes to grab bread, drizzle some honey, make my tea, and try to tiptoe back to my room.
He comes upstairs and gets mad at me complaining about the noise. I refused to stop as I felt I was being as quiet as possible and not cooking or spending more than a few minutes doing it.
The other 3 roommates don’t have an issue with it and say I’m quiet enough.
They have said it isn’t much more noise or disturbance than when someone gets up to go to the washroom.
I feel bad that my roommate downstairs is annoyed but I have refused to change my behavior.
This roommate also refuses to wear earplugs as they are uncomfortable for them.
To me, if you are very noise-sensitive, I feel for you but that’s on you.
I need to know if I’m the jerk here. I felt like I was in the right to tell my roommate “too bad” but now I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s reasonable to get up at night to pee, have a snack, or drink water. If you were cooking in the middle of the night and making a racket, that would be something else. What’s more, you take every precaution not to disturb and the other roommates can’t hear a thing.
This one is sensitive to noise and, as you said, it’s up to him to take precautions by wearing earplugs. If it’s too uncomfortable, he’ll deal with the noise. He can’t have it both ways.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unless you’re bounding around in concrete crocs, no issue.I regularly pull all-nighters, put the kettle on, and make a toastie at times.
I’m in a single-story house with my 9-year-old and shift work husband My husband regularly gets up to pee, lights blazing, etc in the same room If they expect complete silence, they need to rethink their living arrangement I’d love to have someone sneakily do your exercise as someone who is a homeowner” Haunting-Juice983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate needs a white noise machine and to buy a rug for the kitchen to dampen the sound if it all irritates him so badly. You go out of your way to make sure your roommates aren’t disturbed by getting a late-night snack.
My mom is the same way as your roommate in terms of sound. When I was growing up, she’d wake up and start yelling at me for waking up to pee if I didn’t tiptoe enough. Eventually, though, she realized she was being ridiculous for being mad at me and my brother for using the toilet or getting a quick drink or snack and invested in some earplugs.” sparrowbirb5000
7. AITJ For Withdrawing My Offer To Buy A House For My Son After He Got Upset Over Not Gaining Equity?
“My son and his family are struggling. It’s hard out there I know. He came to me to see if I could help him with rent for a few months. I said that I would. And I did. I gave him $2000. That was 2/3 of his rent for two months.
It was a gift. I didn’t expect it back.
I thought about my granddaughter growing up in that little apartment and I started looking around without talking to him first. That was 100% my fault. I found a townhouse for a reasonable price. If I put down a huge down payment then I could let my son and his family move in there and it would only cost $850 a month for the mortgage and property taxes.
It was close to my granddaughter’s school and only five blocks from their current apartment. I took my son and daughter-in-law to see it and told them about my idea. They could live there and get a much better home for their family for just a little over half their current rent.
That would allow them to save up, pay down bills, whatever you know.
They said that it was a very generous gift. I corrected them. I was buying the house by taking money from my retirement account. I would need it back. They got really mad that they would be paying a mortgage and not getting equity in the property.
It has devolved into a big fight. I no longer wished to participate so I told the agent to let it go.
My agent called me because my son had asked her to take him to see it again and she was confused because I had said I was no longer interested. It was already pending for another buyer.
Now my son is upset with me for taking away a house with a yard from his daughter.
It seems like no matter what I do I have done something wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ entirely and it is a consequence of their actions and being greedy and entitled. You were willing to risk your retirement plan for them and they didn’t appreciate or even realize what that means.
Anything happening with the economy that would lower the value of the property and you are losing money. Not only that, for you to get the money back you will need to sell the house. Your son and his wife’s reaction is incredibly immature, they don’t seem to understand how this works at all, how old are they?” User
Another User Comments:
“You had a good idea and you were lucky enough to find a house that would be perfect for them (the same school district, garden). It shouldn’t have caused so much drama… I think you should be glad your idea didn’t work out.
You might have a hard time trying to get your retirement money back from your son in the future.” Easy_Gamba34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I’m your son’s generation, and wish my parents were in a position to do that for me.
Even cheaper rent aside, it’s housing security while you focus on saving towards getting on the property ladder. The bratty responses are pretty gross. If you do reconsider helping them that way, I’d think about a property manager so that the landlord dynamic is separated from your relationship” DuckWithAnEye
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Aunt's Cat In My House After My Parents' Death?
“For context I am 16F. My aunt is 32.
I already know I will receive comments about me lying, I promise you I wish I was but here is some background information. My mom passed away 2 days ago after a 3-year battle with colon cancer. Due to my father also passing 5 years ago, I have no guardian.
Guardianship automatically falls to my sister (22), but she’s not able to do that right now.
My family has decided, per my mom’s wishes, for my aunt and her daughter (3) to move into my house with me. The problem is she has a cat. I am slightly allergic to cats, it’s nothing life-threatening mostly allergy symptoms or rashes at worst. Although this isn’t the only issue with this, it is also the fact that my aunt isn’t the tidiest person.
She lived with us in the past and her room was always pretty clustered. And it wasn’t as big of a deal because her space was only her room. I am worried about the cat not being cleaned up after. It is also a boy and would spray.
He is also not a very friendly cat, so I worry about my 2 dogs. I do not want to cause a bad situation with all of the animals. My aunt’s solution to this is to keep the cat in her room and the connecting bathroom, pretty much at all times.
Which to me doesn’t feel that fair to the cat. She also doesn’t want to get rid of it because my baby cousin loves it. And it was expensive. Which I completely understand. But after I voiced my opinion on this, everyone just told me I was going to need to make some sacrifices like everyone else.
So I said I’d be okay with it if I could take my mom’s room because I refused to let her make her room smell like a cat. But that was quickly shot down because she’s the adult and gets the master room. I’m also not even completely sure if I care or if it’s where I’m choosing to express my emotions.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re concerned about your allergies and your aunt is looking at having to give up a beloved pet. I’ve had to do that and trust me, it’s not fun. What I am going to suggest is that you look into a change in the cat’s food.
There is a food that can reduce the allergen load of a cat and if you’re mildly allergic to it…this could be what helps you coexist with the cat. Purina LiveClear cat food uses a recent discovery that there’s an enzyme in eggs that can reduce the Fel D 1 protein in cat dander.
If you have to make the sacrifice to allow your aunt, cousin, and cat, then they can make the sacrifice to switch out foods so their host does not have to suffer.” Random-widget
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You seem to be annoyed about your aunt and her niece moving in.
Which is reasonable especially if she is moving into your mother’s space. The cat is just icing on the cake and an easy attack point. I’d worry more about what is happening in the next two years – how long is your aunt the guardian, who owns the house, and what are the plans for your education?
If you go to college, does your aunt stay in the house, etc? Are you across that even if you have limited say as a teen? They seem to be rail-roading in what must be a very stressful and traumatic situation for everyone. But just to clarify what sacrifice is your aunt apart from moving into a house to look after a near-adult and likely getting free accommodation?” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get that you don’t want to have a cat around, but your aunt also doesn’t want to give up her pet, which is reasonable. You guys all got stuck in a pretty awful situation that I’m sure none of you would have chosen if you had the power to do so, so your best bet is probably to try to come to some sort of compromise.
You can take allergy medication and get some air filters to help with the cat dander, and maybe try switching its food. If he isn’t neutered, getting that done could help with the spraying. Unless the cat is an absolute terror, your dogs should be fine, and keeping the cat sequestered to a certain part of the house could reduce conflict.
Have an honest conversation with your aunt about how you feel about your mom’s room; you want it to be taken care of and kept clean, I imagine because it holds so many memories of your mother, and you want her memory to be respected. Honestly, it sounds like you’re going through a difficult adjustment period, and understandably so, but I think you guys can make this all work out.
If your aunt is your mom’s sister, keep in mind that she just lost a sibling, and she’s moving in to take care of you, which is a significant and stressful adjustment for her too. Be kind and patient towards each other, and I hope it’ll work out for the best.” RatKing20786
5. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Expensive Destination Wedding?
“32M/32F sister is 34
My wife and I were invited to my sister’s destination wedding in Mexico this September. For us to go to the all-inclusive resort for 3 days will be almost $1400.
Due to a recent move, I have been out of work and we are on one income.
My sister is supposed to be having a stateside wedding for those that will not be able to attend the Mexico wedding but we were told “coming to that wedding doesn’t excuse us from going to the wedding in Mexico”.
We were instructed to book our travel and room arrangements with their travel agency but after we saw the cost (more than the cost stated above), we did our own bookings and research.
After sharing with my sister that this was a very expensive trip she offered to give us $500 towards the total cost.
Fast forward a few weeks and we were able to find the lowest flights and used perks to get our room at the same hotel.
I informed my sister that we were officially booked and asked if she would send over the money that she had offered. She responded with “is this a gift or a loan?” I told her that the original offering was indeed a gift but that it was not our place to force her to give us the money.
She said that since she doesn’t work during the summer and that they bought a new house, she couldn’t help us any more. Keep in mind that I have been out of a job for longer and also have had major expenses pop up.
My wife decided that she won’t be going due to her job and again, the price. My sister is now trying to guilt trip me into going.
Furthermore, the entire family has expressed how expensive this trip is and how it’s putting everyone in a hard spot.
My sister didn’t even know how much everything was going to cost her family until I broke down the cost for her.
AITJ because we aren’t going to her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ. I can’t believe people are still out there scheduling destination weddings and getting upset that their guests can’t come.
Your sister has the right to have a wedding in Mexico, but she is not entitled to pressure everyone into spending a lot of money to come. You are not obligated to squeeze your single-income budget for this. Just save yourselves the trouble and go to the stateside wedding, and if your sister has a problem with that, it’s not your responsibility.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I’ve always assumed that destination weddings were designed to keep the guest list low. To be fair, it was nice of her to offer 500 bucks to help defray the cost, but obviously she seems utterly oblivious that people throwing down 1400$ a pop is a non-trivial amount of money for a 3 day trip, to say nothing of because of the distance it cuts into the work week and for some that means they can’t come.
NTJ” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She doesn’t live there and had no need to have a wedding there, if people can’t afford to go that “cost” was baked into her original decision. I might even say money is too tight and not participate in the more accessible state-side ceremony.
I don’t want to be a pessimist but it sounds like the whole “book with their travel agency” bit was to get everyone to pay for their wedding since they cannot.” mlc885
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Design To A Former Friend?
“I (20y/o) met this girl (25y/o) in a video game, and we became very close thanks to the fact that we had similar tastes.
During our friendship, I offered to help her make a design for her dance group’s social media, I did this at no cost because we were friends (I’m a designer and normally I do charge for those commissions). I only made a logo, a template introducing the members, and a post looking for people to join.
A few months later we argued because she insulted a girl’s design that she made for a contest in which I am also participating, since she had credits in my work (she supported me with brainstorming and accommodation) people began to imply that she was insulting the other girl’s design so that hers (aka my work) would win.
She asked me to defend her, however, since my participation was equally at risk, I asked them to stop insulting her and please not include my work since it was mine and my opinion and work had nothing to do with my friend. Since I didn’t defend her, she got angry with me and stopped talking to me completely, ignoring my existence in groups with our mutual friends, etc.
A few weeks ago she asked me to please send her the editable version of the design I made for her, to which I agreed but never passed it on. On Monday I received another message from her asking for it again, to which I began to doubt whether to give it to her or not.
Out of curiosity, I checked the dance group’s profile and noticed how she had removed my followers and also deleted the design. This bothered me and I decided to tell her that I wouldn’t pass it on because I had deleted it.
Some friends told me I was rude for not giving it to her since it was already done, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have agreed to give her an editable version in the first place. It’s your work and you know she’s going to edit it and either credit herself as the designer or (possibly worse) alter it and attach your name to a possibly inferior design.
Or maybe even use it to create her designs, potentially for commercial use, sale, or other gain. You’re a designer. Don’t give away your designs. She can buy a template from Etsy or something, or make one herself on Canva. You need to protect your livelihood and reputation.
Another User Comments:
“It’s either everyone or no one. She treated you badly so you’re going to treat her badly in return? Two wrongs don’t make a right. If you hadn’t already promised to give it to her that’d be different, but you’re breaking a promise out of spite.
Sounds like a friendship that it would’ve been possible to repair, communicate, and get her to apologize for her part and stuff, understand her point of view, etc. But now that you’ve doubled down and added spite to the mix, probably not anymore. Gonna say ESH.” Thortok2000
3. AITJ For Being Upset About Sharing My Birthday With My Niece Every Year?
“My birthday lands on a long weekend- and every year I go away with friends and family to celebrate.
I have been with my partner for 8 years and his sister had a baby born on the same day as me. For the baby’s first birthday, we attended the birthday party as it was made known the first one was special and they would be upset if we didn’t make it- this put a wedge in the long weekend getaway.
His family always put the birthday party ON THE exact day, even if it fell in the middle of the long weekend.
After the first one, I proposed to my partner we switch years of going away one year, then going to his niece’s birthday the next- this was turned down as he got pressure from his family that it was not ok to miss the birthday party of his niece.
Next, I suggested we go give our gifts and say happy birthday before we go away for the long weekend, or after we get home. Although we won’t have the birthday party itself- we could have our celebration. The parties were always busy and we didn’t get to spend much time with the birthday girl anyway so I thought this was a good compromise as well as it was 1:1 time and still making that effort.
This also got turned down as his sister didn’t appreciate him missing the party.
Now every year he stays back, attends the birthday of his niece- and THEN makes the trip out to meet me and spend the evening and rest of the weekend with me.
He usually arrives at 6 pm.
Although this is a compromise I can live with now- the process to get here was me giving solutions and arguments because I was being unreasonable for being upset with his sister being so difficult to work with.
Am I the jerk for thinking my 2 ideas were good and annoyed he just caved to his sister’s wants?”
Another User Comments:
“I imagine it might feel hurtful to you that your birthday is quite clearly much less important than his sister’s child’s birthday is. Really. Of course, your partner wouldn’t want to always miss his niece’s birthday, but given that it falls on the same day as his partner’s, it doesn’t seem as simple as never missing the niece’s birthday.
His family seems to reinforce the message that your birthday is less important. It’s nice of you to want to compromise, to try to meet everyone’s needs, but I think it might be time for a conversation about why your birthday now takes a backseat to his niece’s birthday, **every year**.
Someone is unreasonable here, but I don’t think it’s YOU! NTJ” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“Since you are partners but not married, he can play the family first card if he wants. And his solution seems reasonable. But what if you create a family with him either by marriage or having children?
Ask him what he’s going to do if you two have kids together. Tell him upfront that you expect your children will celebrate both your birthday and their birthdays as a family unit before celebrating down the family tree. You don’t need to create a solution to this problem.
His answer will tell you all you need to know about your priority. ” Meshmaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You nailed it when you said that the parties are always busy and you don’t spend much time with the birthday girl anyway. Like the niece would miss your BF if he wasn’t there!
(All the kids want are the presents!). His sister sounds like a control freak but I bet she would be the first to miss a birthday party for your kids if she had something else to do! Sounds like you have offered some great compromises!
Hope your BF wakes up soon and realizes that you should come before your family. Hang in there!” DJsspinontheworld
Another User Comments:
“Esh, but for the baby. Here is the thing, have you and your (I will call her your SIL) even thought about what you guys are doing to this poor fella?
You’re both playing the “pick me” girls. Both of you are old enough to know better, it’s a birthday. Sorry to say to you it’s special to you. To his family, it’s special to the baby. To the rest of the world, who are you?
That’s the way it works. I will get downvoted for that one. The funny thing is you is you fell in love with him for his love and devotion to family when it suits you, but you want to take him away when it suits you.
Your fella is being a jerk to himself for letting you both play the pick-me girls. He literally could get into an RTA over this type of stuff, trying to appease both of you. Here is the thing partners come and go wives come and go.
Sisters and nieces don’t. Even if you disown them, go no contact. You can’t take that connection away.” Working_Ostrich1780
2. AITJ For Being Upset About An Unexpected Family Gathering After A Long Drive?
“I (18F) needed to wake up at 3 AM so my mom and I could go somewhere early and pick up my dad at the border.
I needed to go along because the signal there sucks, so no GPS is available and it was her first time driving there. I’ve already been there before with my dad and acted as a guide.
Anyway, we got there at around 6 AM, picked up my dad, and 2 hours in my mom decided that we should all go to some random family gathering just because it was on the way back home.
This is some distant aunt I barely know.
My dad and I both lashed out, he was tired from the drive, and I was tired because I woke up in the middle of the night, he had asthma and was about to have an attack, it was 39°C (102 Fahrenheit) out already early in the morning and was about to be 42°C during the day.
I was dressed in poor-quality loungewear the whole time with one sneaker off because I had a blister the size of Canada on the back of my foot. She decides to ignore all that and drives us to the family gathering. I told her that if we stopped either I wasn’t getting out of the car, or I was going to be silent and uncomfortable the whole time there.
Doesn’t matter, she stops there, we get out, and my father gets out all his meds and his inhaler, the whole time I’m sitting there uncomfortable as can be. I was pleasant to the strangers and children but ignored her the whole time and told her point-blank that it was a mistake to stop there.
We get back, and my father can barely breathe at this point. I’m mad because I had to interact with people I barely know with greasy hair, greasy skin, and one bare foot. She started crying and telling me how ungrateful I was, how disgusting and embarrassing my behavior was, etc.
AITJ? I might have been the jerk because I guess I made the situation awkward for everyone by interacting with her like that.”
Another User Comments:
“uhh no you’re not the jerk. She forced two people who were tired/ill/and not even dressed to be visiting people.
She is being inconsiderate and upset that not only did it not go her way but due to a serious medical condition it was worse than your day ever should have gone.” ParkersPuzzlePlay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed you! How would she have felt if your dad had forced her to go to a family function with greasy hair, sweats, and one shoe?
The whole area was exhausted and in pain no less. She put you and your dad in a horrible position.” Attire
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are the people who forced you to be there, and there are the innocent people who are around you.
Did your aunt force you over knowing you were super tired? If not, then don’t take out your frustration on her. Be nice, be honest, apologize, and go rest in a corner.” User
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin To Overstay His Welcome Any Longer?
“I (f21) recently had my (m17) cousin spend the night on repeat for the last three weeks. Over the year into summer, we often spent the night at each other’s places, me and my sister at his parent’s house, him at our dad’s. We usually have a good time playing video games and such, though this last time just had my irritation rising.
We invited him on a Wednesday only planning for him to stay a couple of nights which led to that Monday to the entire week, then another week, another without his dad ever asking for him back until this past weekend. He was asked back as it’s been nearly three weeks at our house and his stepmom wanted to do back-to-school shopping early.
However, plans changed and he ended up getting his dad to agree to let him back over another night. I was annoyed and frustrated, and made it clear to my sister who agreed with me to the point that we didn’t want him back over.
It’s not that we don’t like him or that we didn’t have fun while he was over. It’s just that when you are around someone for so long their flaws become more noticeable. He likes to stay up very late and teases me when I get tired or have to go to bed early because of work.
He sleeps in until very late the following days and tells you off if you try waking him for any reason. He also talks loudly with his other friends on the phone until late in the night. And one of his main topics of conversation is about his relationship and personal life, which I don’t want to hear.
I don’t mean to be rude and I don’t want to hurt his feelings knowing his home life isn’t great. But I like my space. I like going to bed when I want to. To do or go where I want to without worrying about him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He sounds like he’s more than overstaying his welcome. I would say ask him first and then bring it up with his dad. Frame it on the grounds of wanting to spend more time at his house if you want to play it safe (if you do spend more time at his house, you can leave whenever you want).” Zenpora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he sounds like a bit of a jerk, if his home life is bad, maybe tell him the truth. He may just need to understand acting the way he does is not the right way. See if he wants to change and if he doesn’t send him home.” No_Mathematician2482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- someone you invited over for a night spent three weeks at your house. Yeah, saying, hey cousin go live at your own house for a few weeks. Let’s catch up later. Not a problem. It is normal to NOT have someone just move in.
No matter their behavior.” Innerouterself2
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk at all. It sounds like you’re dealing with a really common issue of feeling overwhelmed by someone’s extended stay. It’s not about disliking your cousin; it’s about needing your own space and boundaries, which is completely valid.
Three weeks is a long time for anyone to stay over, especially when they don’t have the same schedule or habits as you do. When you’re around someone 24/7, even minor annoyances can build up over time, and it’s natural to start feeling irritated. It’s also great that you’re empathetic towards his situation, knowing that his home life isn’t ideal. But that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your own comfort or space indefinitely.
It’s okay to prioritize your own needs while still caring about him. Maybe a conversation with him about boundaries—like going to bed at a certain time or needing quiet during the night—could help. Being upfront doesn’t have to be hurtful, especially if it’s framed in a way that’s about your needs rather than criticizing his behavior.
Ultimately, you deserve to have a space where you feel comfortable, especially after weeks of sharing it. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you rude or unkind; it just means you’re taking care of yourself, which is important. It might be awkward at first, but it’ll help in the long run.” User
