People Want To Know How Vile They Are In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Family To See My Son?
“This happened 3 yrs after my brother Todd passed away. I (32M) was pretty devastated honestly. My whole family was. At the time, I was working in a different state, after those 3 years I moved back home. So everyone knows everyone back home and that’s how me and Mia (who was Todd’s fiancée before he passed) met at a friend’s birthday.
We had not seen each other in so long. So we became friends after that.
And months later we realized we liked each other more than just friends but neither of us told anyone about our relationship. Not until 6 months later that the relationship was serious.
Of course, my family was against it. My mom especially didn’t want to talk to either of us for a while. Mia got pregnant 7 months after that.
Before when it was only us in a relationship everyone just wanted to keep our distance.
But once they heard she was pregnant things started being ugly. My sister was the most vicious because she started telling everyone we were sleeping together before my brother passed with how ‘quickly’ we moved on to be together.
None of it was true obviously.
I never would’ve done something that awful to my own brother. There’s also the fact that we didn’t even live in the same state.
It got so ugly. Some in Mia’s family started questioning if it was true, others believed what my family was saying.
My mom told me she didn’t have a son anymore for disrespecting my brother’s memory. It was so hurtful for both of us. We decided to move a couple of hours away and blocked everyone to start fresh.
We are happily married, our son is 3 years old and expecting our second little one.
My family now wants to make amends so they can be part of our lives. My mom and sister have apologized so many times on the phone.
That they let their grief make them react horribly to the news when they never should have treated me that way. I can get grief making you do things you normally wouldn’t because it happened to me.
My wife and I talked it over.
We decided that we would only consider it if they not only apologized to my wife but made a public announcement online and admit all the lies they made up about our ‘affair’.
My family is refusing because they’re embarrassed and ashamed of what they did and it would be too hard since everyone who’s seen it still lives around them.
My mom says she understands what they put us through but to please not make this any harder on them when we can just make amends now. But I haven’t changed my mind. My dad keeps asking how heartless am I to want to make them humiliate themselves to all the people.
He thinks it’s beyond petty since my mom and everyone already learned their lesson and why am I trying to put her through more after losing Todd she just wants her family back.
I’m not sure if it’s really that I’m being too harsh on them for how they acted in their grief or if this is a reasonable request after what they did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
No one can dictate to you how to handle the pain you experienced at the hands of your family. You lost a brother, and you were grieving, too. And instead of rallying around you and Mia, they accused you of being disloyal, disrespecting your brother’s memory, viciously lied about you having an affair, destroyed you and your wife’s reputation, stressed you out at a time when you and your pregnant wife needed support and peace, and they disowned you.
They didn’t seem to care that it hurt you so badly, you had to move away and go no-contact to protect your little family.
Words matter. The pain of what was said to you will be with you forever.
There are no amount of cowardly telephone apologies and excuses they can make to heal the very public way they hurt you. If they say they love you and want to make amends, then they have to abide by your terms. That’s it, end of the story.
No skirting around it, no exceptions. You deserve that much!
Don’t let your family try to find a loophole by tugging at your heartstrings with private apologies and wearing you down with phone calls. Stick to your guns, and go back to being no-contact until they honor what you said.
Your dad said you were ‘heartless’ for making them humiliate themselves, and wants to try to soften you and appeal to you. Remind him that you too were humiliated when they lied to you and your pregnant wife to the point you had to leave.
Remind them every time they try to skirt around it by mentioning your brother, or how they don’t want to be embarrassed or humiliated.
If it means that much to them, and your mom wants her family back, they’ll swallow their pride and fix it and make it right.
It is not your responsibility to save them or give them an out from the consequences of their actions. Either make it right publicly or let you live in the little peace and dignity you managed to scrape together for your family and live with knowing they hurt their son and were too proud to remember that life is short and that their grandchildren are growing up.
No amount of pride is worth it. But it’s ultimately up to you.
For your sake, I hope that they do. I wish you all the best.” MangyTalaxian
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I know this is a controversial opinion but I will never understand people who decide to marry and have kids with their deceased sibling’s widow/partner.
This person was meant to be your in-law once upon a time. They’ve slept with your sibling and genuinely loved them and wanted to be a family with them – just seems so off that someone would bond over that shared grief of ‘the person we both cared about is gone’ and then decide to literally do the same things with that person that they did with your sibling.
I cannot, in all fairness, say I disagree with your family’s initial reaction.
They met and bonded with your wife as Todd’s girl – then she shows up going out with their other son/brother and pregnant with his child just a few years after your brother’s passing.
It feels like a slap in the face to your brother’s memory (I’m sorry but it does. You can explain the whole love has no restrictions/follow your heart thing to me a million times but I’ll still always feel like there are some situations where you can’t just use love as an explanation for doing messed up things.
To me, having a baby with your deceased brother’s fiance/your deceased fiance’s brother is one of them.)
I feel like my first thought would honestly be, ‘how could you do this?’ And I would genuinely wonder how long the relationship had been going on.
Saying that, I don’t think you’re wrong in wanting them to clarify that you aren’t a homewrecker/she isn’t a liar to family members who still believe this to be true.
I feel like your family members will realize this though when they see that you’ve reconciled. Rather than a public apology, maybe you could make it clear that from now on they tell only the truth and if anyone asks them directly they need to make it clear that there was no cross-over regarding Todd’s relationship with his gf and your relationship with your wife.
Best of luck, OP.” annoyed68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They spent a great deal of time insulting, humiliating, and making up lies about you and your wife not just amongst themselves, but in front of other people as well. What they did cause a lot of hurt and damage and while apologizing to you is an important first step, asking them to publicly acknowledge and apologize for the inappropriateness of their behavior is perfectly reasonable.
I’ll be perfectly frank: if they were genuinely sorry for what they’d done, there wouldn’t be any level of hesitation on their part in fulfilling your request. You’re not asking them to ‘humiliate themselves’ nor ‘making this harder on them;’ you’re asking them to take real responsibility for their actions in front of all of the people they destroyed your reputation with.
If they can’t do that, then things can stay exactly as they are. Do not let them try to talk you out of your request because it is understandable.” ShadowCoon
20. WIBTJ If I Call Out My Wife's Crazy Family?
“My wife (33F) has a cousin (36F) who will not make plans. We have had to adjust plans and their communication of them several times and excluded folks we like in order to include her, her husband, and two kids (13M & 11M).
This cousin’s parents are unequivocally the last people you want around. The mother (aunt) is a ball of pettiness, fury, and mind games; she is famous for throwing temper tantrums at any perceived slight or accountability visited on her or her children.
We are always on eggshells around her because she is on a hair trigger.
Example: Wife asked Cousin to be her maid of honor. Cousin accepted and then proceeded to go totally radio silent, even with us. Bridesmaids ended up doing the traditional MOH work, so we let them take on the credit for things like showering.
This offended Cousin, who complained to Aunt, who went nuclear.
Lastly, my wife and I are the kinds of people who plan ahead and honor the commitments we make, even if something ‘better’ comes along. Sometimes we miss out, but our word is important to us.
Cousin prefers to wait till the last minute to commit to anything and will often call us out of the blue asking if we want to join them at a moment’s notice, and then acts surprised and hurt that we never say yes.
She also will string people along with maybes until it’s too late to fill her slot and then cancel for a better thing.
My wife and I are expecting our first child in September. My mom has graciously offered to host a baby shower and asked us for a guest list. We both have huge families and since mom has to feed all these people, we have to be really brutal about who we do/don’t invite.
My wife texts her cousin asking if she’s available for the day of the shower. As usual, Cousin doesn’t know and will probably give us an answer closer to the date.
The shower is in July.
My wife is really tired of playing this game with her but won’t press the issue for fear the cousin might feel criticized, take it to aunt, and start another pointless fight.
Meanwhile, I’m sick of seeing my wife get pushed around, disrespected, and having to constantly bend over backward for this cousin, and then having to talk her through the hurt without being able to address it with the cousin.
I’m really concerned that all future family gatherings will need to kowtow to this one cousin who almost always flakes, but not soon enough for us to invite someone else. I’m also tired of not being able to call this person out in any way for their years of disrespect, all because it might offend an aunt that nobody else in the family likes.
WIBTJ if I, with my wife’s blessing, firmly said to the cousin that we need a definite yes or no in the next couple of weeks and that if they flake on us again that we would probably not include them in our plans going forward?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your wife’s cousin isn’t someone I would want to be around. I would’ve cut her off a long time ago. When you truly care for someone, you are supportive and based on what you said that hasn’t been shown by her.
The cousin doesn’t have infant children her children are older. She can make accommodations in advance because she got the date in advance.
If she truly cared for your wife, she would request that day off in advance just to support her.
But it is obvious she doesn’t care and just wants to be invited and put on a pedestal just for being a family member…
I would’ve been surprised if the cousin and her nuclear mom get upset about not being chosen for being the godmother.” FoodandDrinks9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop making your plans revolve around your wife’s family. Set a date and keep it. If they don’t show up, that’s not on you, so why are you taking it so personally? It’s not your family’s problem to worry about.
You know they are like this and you’re the jerk for expecting it to change.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That behavior is unacceptable and made worse by the attitude of entitlement. It is one thing to be bad at planning and therefore be unreliable – also not acceptable behavior towards other people, but at least not coming from a selfish place.
But behaving flaky like this AND being offended if everyone else doesn’t cater to you, cancel their own plans (and thereby ruining yet more people’s plans), AND bring in Nuclear Mom to then ‘defend’ you. No. Absolutely called for to let her know that this will not be tolerated – as you said, with your wife’s blessing which is the other crucial part.” Substantial_Seesaw65
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Cousin sucks the most for being this way, followed by aunt for being a drama queen and getting involved in matters that don’t concern her. But you and your wife allow it and you’ve admitted that you exclude others in her favor.” WaywardMarauder
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit The Kids?
“I (14F) know a family very well. My parents are friends with the parents, and there are two kids (16F and 11M). Ever since I was little, maybe around seven, my friend’s mom, we’re gonna call her Maya, would drop off her menace of a kid with me at temple functions (we were all members of the same temple), bar mitzvahs, baby showers, and brises.
This kid is crazy, running around, trying to destroy stuff, even attempting to escape family functions. Maya would never ask me if I was okay with babysitting her kid, she just left me with him. Didn’t pay me, anything.
My parents know, and they told Maya to knock it off, but she didn’t listen.
She continued to do it, even at her daughter’s bat mitzvah when my parents weren’t there. I would try to refuse and hang out with other people, but she wouldn’t have it.
Thank god, the kid got older so I didn’t have to watch him anymore.
Or so I thought.
Around a week ago, Maya texted me. I gave her my phone number a few years ago and somehow she still has it. She asked if I could babysit her son for an entire day, and didn’t mention pay.
This also happened to be the day of my swim finals, meaning I would be, for most of the day, preparing and swimming in the meet. I told her that I may be able to babysit in the evening, but she insisted that I did it the whole day.
Mind you, she has a 16yr old daughter too. I told her no, and that her kid was out of control and it wasn’t my problem. She then called me and yelled at me, saying I was leaving her out to dry and that she needed me.
I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully my mom walked in and helped me end the call.
I feel horrible because my parents were really good friends with them before this, but I also didn’t want to be treated like free labor for the rest of my life.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her relationship with your parents is not your problem and, to be honest, I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who thought it was acceptable to bully my child, even to the point of calling and harassing her.
Block her number and let all communication go through your parents.
Also, you don’t have to give excuses or explanations to anyone – just say no. Giving specifics gives them something to argue against, while ‘no’ is simply a full sentence answer.” MamaofTwinDragons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She is the adult and parent and it is her job to find suitable care for her child. She didn’t discuss babysitting with you at all. Plus she isn’t even paying for your services.
I’m glad your parents stick up for you because in too many instances are children left to watch other children.” teti_j
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for standing up for yourself and good on your parents for supporting you.
You should feel proud, not guilty, your parents’ relationship with that family is their business and it just shows that they also don’t want to be friends with someone who behaves like a bully as a grown adult parent.
Next time doesn’t even offer to babysit in the evenings, just say no. In similar situations, if you’re not sure if you can do something, just outright say you cannot.
It is a lot easier. Don’t let other people’s problems become yours, especially if they aren’t, particularly someone you like.” erraticjudgment
18. AITJ For Disliking A Color?
“Ever since I (F29) was a child, I’ve always had a negative feeling towards pink. I grew up associating pink with being girly and I am not a girly girl.
As a result, I refused to buy or wear anything pink in it to this day. This is something that’s made known to all my close family and friends.
A few years ago, I met and started going out with my (now ex) partner, Luke (M28).
I need to mention that Luke once said that he likes to see his girl in pink. Naturally, he got upset over the fact that I don’t (and probably won’t) own anything pink.
Over the next few months, Luke kept trying to persuade me to buy more pink items like clothes, makeup, accessories, and electronic gadgets.
He even tried to convince me to spray my car pink!
I brushed him aside and told him over and over that I do not like the color and that it does not suit my personality. One day, we were in Sephora and he saw this bright fuchsia lipstick and insisted that I buy it (yes, you read that correctly, he was asking me to buy something in a color I don’t like for myself), and asked that I did it for him to make him happy.
I told him off and asked him to stop pushing me to waste moolah on things I won’t use and then he snapped at me saying it was just a small thing he’s asking for and that I’m selfish for not wanting to give in to him.
Note: At this point, I’ve purchased a couple of pink clothes to wear on my dates with him for the sake of ‘making him happy.’
I got fed up with his behavior and walked out of the store, and he ended up not talking to me for the rest of the night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
His desire to force a color on you is weird and your keeping your boundaries is fair.
However, I would take a look at why you have issues with this color. Pink I’m not my favorite color, but most people don’t have colors they have issues with.
From my experience, every woman I have to know who made hating pink part of their personality wasn’t just a tomboy, but almost looked down and was mean to non-tomboy girls. They very much gave the vibe that they thought they were better than another woman because of their dislike of pink.
I am 100% sure this develops as a defense mechanism from something in their past, so I don’t blame them fully for their actions, but it is sometimes to look at. I am not saying that is what is happening here because what do I know beyond this one small story, but most people don’t avoid colors like this and I wonder if it is in part due to internalized misogyny.
You don’t have to ever like pink, but it might be good to take a look at why you have this reaction to it.
But again, you are NTJ. You have made his desires clear and if he likes a ‘pink girl’ then you two were never going to be a fit.
He should have accepted that.” RielBelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s such a small thing, why is he repeatedly bothering you about it? If it’s so trivial to him, he can do the normal, decent thing and respect that you are an autonomous adult with different preferences than him and the right to decide what you purchase for yourself with your moolah and what you put on your body.
Not to be all ‘break up!’ but… this is a big red flag, I think. He wants you to change to fit his preferences, he’s repeatedly bringing it up, he’s not respecting it when you say no, he’s guilting you and trying to make you feel bad, snapping at you and calling you selfish, just for saying, ‘Hey, I already told you, I really don’t like pink, and I don’t want to spend moolah on things I don’t like and won’t use.
Please stop asking,’ which is an EXTREMELY reasonable boundary!
Like, my ex dyed her hair blonde while we were together. That was not my personal preference. But it’s not my hair! And she liked it! So I just said ‘oh, cool, that came out really nice!
you look great!’ because she did, and she was doing what she wanted, which is awesome! But if she’d asked ME to dye my hair blonde, I would’ve said no.
He is way out of line. MAYBE if he wanted you to wear pink lipstick in private as a special occasional favor he could politely ask you for and respect if you said no, and he purchased said lipstick since he’s the one who wants it… it’d be okay to ask.
But he has to respect your no. And he didn’t ask politely and hasn’t respected your repeated ‘no’s on this subject. He’s the jerk and this is not a good look for him.
ETA: also like… what is this, mean girls?
On Wednesdays we wear pink or you can’t sit with us? He needs to grow up.” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because your life and your body and your belongings, if you dislike a color you dislike it and can avoid it.
your ex had no right, and a lot of these (like the car?) would once be painted just not get painted back easily like paint jobs cost a lot and your car is meant to make you happy or proud, no one else.
You’re also NTJ because you did compromise with excessive pushy requests when you didn’t have to. It could’ve easily snowballed into ‘I want the rooms of the house painted pink’ ‘your room requires pink curtains’ ‘our daughter should wear more pink’ or getting pinkish gems or sth for rings or gifts etc if things ever got that serious.
Also uhh look the rest of this comment is a mess of gender perception issues I’m not saying that’s how it is but it is definitely how things seem.
Pink is traditionally perceived as a girly color, which makes a lot of men want to see women as feminine or weak for being seen in it.
Like gender reveals, baby rooms, bathrooms even pride flags seem to have pink to represent femininity. I prefer cool colors anyway, but I have honestly always disliked it for that reason because I am non-binary. I’m a doctor and when my paternal grandparents (abusive and regressive usually anyway) got me a pink stethoscope, I honestly went ahead and bought myself a black one anyway because I didn’t want to be perceived as feminine and weak.
So you are absolutely NTJ, your ex was overstepping, and women in pink are frequently treated patronizingly anyway which is something to consider from anyone who has a kink for pink on their girls.” User
17. AITJ For Accidentally Skinny-Shaming My Dad?
“My dad likes to make fat jokes and does not spare me.
I don’t usually feed into them, but I don’t confront him super aggressively either. I just say oh that’s not nice, or something like that. This past weekend I went for a quick visit just to pick up my brother, and my dad was in the kitchen.
I immediately noticed how crazy skinny he is. (Possibly part of smoking, drinking, and illegal stuff; I think that relates to his sensitivity to his own size) The first thing out of my mouth was ‘wow, you’re so skinny.’
I definitely feel bad looking back, because he got really defensive and hurt. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. It wasn’t like I wanted to poke fun at him or insult him, but I’m pretty sure I shamed him for his size.
I would like to point out he wasn’t mean towards me, so I’m not questioning his reaction. I get upset when someone talks about my size so… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t mean anything by it.
If you feel that bad, apologize. Also maybe use this as a learning opportunity for him. Explain that when he makes fat jokes this is how you feel. Maybe that will help open his eyes.” 926dr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
That was unprovoked. You should have asked your dad if he’s ok as it might be health-related. Not visit to get your brother and make such a snide comment.
Your dad shouldn’t fat shame you either. You are both JERKS.” JoeyShinx
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ. You probably shouldn’t have said that (as a skinny guy myself it’s not exactly appreciated most of the time), but at the same time, I feel like he definitely had it coming considering he’s size-shamed you.
And the fact that you feel apologetic and didn’t intend it is also huge.” Amazing_Net_7651
16. WIBTJ If I Ask My Mom To Paint Over An Artwork She Gave Me?
“My (22f) mom (52f) is a really good artist and painted me five gorgeous paintings for my room when I was in high school. I was super obsessed with spring colors back then, so the flowers are bright yellow, pink, and blue.
I’m moving into a new apartment in August and I really want to have her paintings hanging, but my taste has changed a lot, and now I really like neutral/nature/boho styles, and the paintings would look out of place with the rest of my stuff.
So: if I asked her to paint over the paintings she already did for me, would that be awful of me? Or, alternatively, should I buy more canvases and ask her to paint an entirely new art for me? Or would either option make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YWBTJ. Don’t ask her to paint over her hard work, that is a d****e move. Instead, stress how much you love the time and effort she has poured into these works and you would love it if she could do some new ones in fall colors (or whatever boho is) to match your new décor.” horrifyingthought
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you asked her to paint over the paintings she has already done for you.
To avoid this buy the new canvas and have her paint something new. I think you will be happy you did.
When she’s no longer here you’ll have her paintings that she personally painted for you with love to remember her. That’s really sweet.” 926dr
Another User Comments:
“Soft YWBTJ – she made those for you, I feel like it is rude to paint over it.
Honestly, I like the idea of buying more canvases for her. You don’t want to regret having her painting over them and one day, you would like to hang them up again.” zoloblaze
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Come Out During A Family Gathering?
“My friend, let’s call her Meg, is a lesbian. She’s been out to her friends but never came out to her family. I’m not sure why since her family isn’t particularly religious or conservative but that’s her business.
Recently, she told us that she planned to come out to her family. We all thought that was wonderful until she told us how. She is planning on coming out as a lesbian to her family… in the eulogy, she is giving at her recently deceased grandfather’s funeral. So far, everyone in our friend group has told her that this is the wrong way to come out and that it might be better done anywhere else, but not at a funeral.
Her justification is that her whole family will be there and that way she only has to come out once to everyone. Even my other LGBT+ friends have said this is a bad way to come out but Meg is now all butt hurt and saying that we should support her coming out.
We’ve told her we do support her coming out, just not at a funeral. Meg had called us all jerks and is, as far as I know, still planning on coming out in the eulogy she is giving for her recently deceased grandfather at his funeral. So, AITJ for saying there is a wrong time to come out?”
Another User Comments:
“I fully support that your friend should come out to her family. However, it’s just incredibly insensitive to come out at a funeral. It comes across as if she wants to make the funeral about her, instead of about grieving her grandfather as it should be.
She can come out at any other time, just not an event that’s specifically about someone else (funeral, wedding, birthday).
It’s almost as if she wants them to respond badly. It’s just not a nice or considerate thing to do, and it greatly increases the possibility that stressed and grieving families will respond poorly.
NTJ, and please ask your friend to consider why she is insisting on this venue.” JosephineBlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Coming out is never a one-and-done experience. For instance, your friend has already come out to all of her friends.
Every time she meets new people who assume she’s straight she’ll have to come out. Workplaces she’ll have to decide if she comes out… It’s a never-ending process when people assume the default is straight… This is a weird but common assumption.
A eulogy is not likely the appropriate place to come out… unless grandpa’s dying wish was ‘our family all know you’re a lesbian’… Which would be weird but weird things happen.
Come out before the funeral. Come out after the funeral. The eulogy is a eulogy… And a guarantee that a funeral will not include everyone in the family… Someone will be sick.
Someone won’t be able to travel. It’s not a guarantee that it’s a one-and-done.
Supportive doesn’t have to mean support everything or anything. It can be nuanced and contextual.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, coming out shouldn’t even be something relevant at a funeral. It is about as not about her as an event can get.
I get she might want to come out in person, but using a funeral as her platform would make her a giant jerk and she won’t get any kind of positive reaction from anyone, because… IT IS A FUNERAL.
When people look back on a funeral they want to think about the memories that were shared or the touching speech someone gave.
Not cousin Megan coming out as a lesbian. It just isn’t a suitable time or place, you’re absolutely right.
Coming out is daunting enough for many people, it baffles me that she’d choose an already incredibly emotionally charged event to do it.
She’ll either get dragged up, down, left, right, backward, forwards, and all the way around for the occasion shes chosen, or it’ll just go over people’s heads and they won’t acknowledge her, because the day is emotional enough and people can only handle so much at one time.
I genuinely don’t believe there’ll be much of a positive reaction and she’s only hurting herself if that’s the case.
It’s completely inappropriate. She should arrange a gathering of her own if she wants to come out in such a way.” ClockworkCLJ
14. AITJ For Getting A New Pair Of Wedding Rings?
“My husband and I recently upgraded our wedding rings. He got a new ring and I got a new wedding set. We got what I guess you can call a ‘his and her’ wedding set. They are both diamond and sapphire rings in 10k white gold.
My friend who I will call Adam is getting ready to propose to his significant other who I will call Amy. Amy, Adam, and I went to high school together. Amy and I are much closer friends than Adam and I are.
Adam didn’t like the fact I got married right out of high school and has always looked down on my husband and me for being a statistic. We had a child together while still in school and struggled a bit when our first child was born.
We are now doing much better financially. So this is where the drama all started, I posted a photo of my and my husband’s new wedding rings on my Snapchat, Amy saw it and messaged me. She’s asking questions about where we got the set and how pretty she thought it was and how she’d like something like that for when she got married.
I told her thank you and that I appreciate her kindness and told her where I got the set from. I guess she told Adam about the new rings my husband and I got becuase the next thing I know, I’m getting an angry phone call from Adam demanding to know why I rubbed my new ring in Amy’s face and how I, of all people, should know he can’t afford anything like that.
I was rather confused and asked him what he meant by me of all people, he said because I’ve always struggled with finances and god only knows what I had to do to get the budget for the rings.
Now, here’s where I might be the jerk, I laughed at Adam and explained that I hadn’t needed to do anything for the rings as my husband and I have wonderful jobs now and we were no longer struggling.
Adam got more upset about this and told me that I was a jerk and that I needed to take the picture down or at least wear my old set around Amy. I told him no. He hung up and texted me later demanding I apologize to him and Amy for making him look cheap for not being able to afford a nice set for her since she deserves it more than I do.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like he’s insecure and compensating for the fact that he doesn’t have the money to do something like that. It isn’t your fault if they’re struggling or if he simply just can’t afford it.
Amy had no problem with you posting the pic, and it sounds like you were just showing off your new rings and were excited about it. She liked what you got, and I’m assuming the post was public so everyone else could see it too.
I could see if you messaged her personally and were like ‘look what I got! I’m sorry you could never afford something like this,’ then it would be problematic.
But as per your description, I see no indication on your part that you tried rubbing it in her face at all.
He’s maybe a little jealous and, as I said before, insecure. This is not your problem and unless you were flashing it as a means to show how much better you are than everyone else, I would say you did nothing wrong here.
It’s quite childish of him to demand that you, a grown woman with your own family, wear the old set just so she doesn’t see the new one. Honestly, it’s really none of his business what you do or doesn’t wear.
You’re allowed to be excited about your successes or some new cool stuff in your life, so long as you’re not flaunting it as a means to act superior.” Resident_Biohazard90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Adam is.
Let me put it to you this way. If I was your husband and this guy was sending you nasty texts like this, I would be at his door and we would be having more than just words. How dare he talk to you that way?
Drop this person as a so-called friend. He should be taking up his issues with your husband because how I grew up, men don’t confront another man’s wife! I don’t think Amy did anything but tell this guy she really loved your ring but if she said something negative about you to him, then not only is she the one with the issue and not you but also needs to have the guts to tell her he can’t afford it.
Don’t take down the pics and congrats on your new rings. They sound beautiful and a gift well deserved to have and to show off.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adam is a walking red flag. He insinuated horrible things about you, talked about your money troubles, made accusations about why you showed your friend your new jewelry, and said your friend deserved the ring more than you.
I think you need to sit Amy down and tell her all about Adam’s behavior. She deserves better than Adam.” AttemptedAdult
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Rehome Her Dog?
“I (24f) had my friend (25f) move in with me after her parents kicked her out. I let her move in thinking her dog, Gummy, was going to stay with her parents and not us. Apparently, her parents couldn’t keep Gummy so he had to move in as well.
I was a little annoyed since I have two cats who do not handle other pets well but Gummy was not aggressive so I decided to give it a chance. I gave my friend strict rules for her dog and said if she did not follow them, she could no longer stay with me.
She was very good at following my rules at first but after a month or two she slowly stopped following them. I let it slide since it wasn’t affecting me or my cats. Two weeks ago though she broke my number one rule about keeping her dog in her room unless my cats are outside or in my room.
She let Gummy out thinking my cats were outside and my cat who just turned 15 got into this huge fight with Gummy.
Thankfully, I broke them apart very quickly and both pets are unharmed, but my cat was very shaken up.
When she got home, I told her what happened and said she would have to move out unless she rehomes her dog. I know it’s very unreasonable to expect someone to get rid of their pet but she was living in my home rent-free and couldn’t even follow my basic rules.
I explained that to her but she was still very upset. She got her partner involved and (we’ve never had a good relationship) and they’ve both been bothering me since then about it. I feel bad since I’m putting her in a hard position but my cats are old and I don’t want to stress them out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you offered her your home and obviously there are set rules and boundaries that she violated. Tell her to go live with her partner then. Sorry for your kitties. Depending on the age of the dog, perhaps training it to get along with cats might help.
You’ll need to understand that her dog is the last thing she has since her parents kicked her out. Her dog is her companion similar to your cats, hopefully, both of you could work it out but rehoming is quite harsh.” Ughgrr
Another User Comments:
“While I agree that she should have kept a better eye on her dogs, it’s still cruel to make them stay in a bedroom for the majority of the day. Also, from your first paragraph, it sounds like you just assumed that her dog was going to stay with her parents, and so you never actually bothered to ask if she intended to bring him along, as well.
In that case, YTJ, because if she would have known ahead of time, she could have chosen someplace else to live.” Noneya_Biddness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in an impossible situation. If she made a mistake and you can work on slow introductions, it may be worth giving her another chance but it’s completely understandable that you gotta take care of your cats.
I hate to see the dog punished for her mistakes but if the dog is that restricted anyway, it may be better for the dog as well. Does she have any options for temporarily rehoming the dog until she’s landed a bit better on her feet?” May_Edit_Later123456
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She moved into your house which was nice for you to offer, but she was not listening to what you were requesting of her, which was a jerk move of her especially since you set it out from the start.
However, you kicking her out after one incident seems too much. Maybe you should have given her a notice of letting her know what happened and asking her to be more careful. Especially since she may have let Gummy out not knowing your cats are outside and made an honest mistake.” emptyasaglass
12. AITJ For Cropping My Ex Out Of A Photo?
“I (17) am in a somewhat large friend group that includes my ex (also 17). It is easy for us to avoid one another due to the size of the group, and we haven’t had many problems since the breakup. My prom was last weekend, and we were at the same party, all taking group photos together beforehand.
I tried to get photos without her, as I didn’t want her to be in my Instagram post. However, she was in the big group photo of all ~30 kids in the group. I seamlessly photoshopped her out, and nobody noticed. Until five days later.
My ex had included me in the group photo on their post, and a girl in our class who follows both of us pointed out to her that it was weird that I had a photo of EVERYONE except for her.
My ex looked at my post and realized it was the exact same photo that she had posted, with her removed. She blew up the entire group chat, calling me a petty jerk for photoshopping her out, and I embarrassed her by making it seem as if she wasn’t included in the group.
I left the group chat, but she continued to blow up my phone individually.
My friends are pretty torn on if I was being overly petty by photoshopping her out, and the split is pretty similar to the groups that prefer one of us over the other, so I’d really love an objective opinion.
Am I the jerk for photoshopping my ex out of my prom Instagram post?
Edit for clarity: I did not want my ex to post a photo with me in it, and we have had conversations about boundaries and set a rule to not interact on social media.
I consider posting someone as interacting. We are on very bad terms.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It was a group photo you posted publicly, no one is going to zero in on the fact your ex is in the photo like ‘omg, OP still has EX in the photo they must still like each other’ or something when the photo has all you friends in it, but as you found out, they will notice when you cut someone out.” VulonRogue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can post whatever photo you want. It’s a problem if you include someone against their wishes, not exclude them against their wishes.
That said, you both need to grow up.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The social media post was unnecessary as I’m sure others posted it. You could easily just print out a copy for your personal use. She’s in the wrong for doing ballistic to everyone about it and putting you on blast.” MissyBee63
Young girls haven’t learned yet the over reaction is just what some people are looking for. A better reaction would have been amused indifference. “Oh he photoshopped me out of the picture? Kind of an immature thing to do. Oh well” and move on.
Your own pettiness and immaturity spoke for themselves. She didn’t really need to rage about it.
11. WIBTJ If I Tell My Roommate To Help In The House?
“I have been finically supporting my roommate since November. Starting in January she spends 90% of her day sleeping and it’s grating on my last nerve. She hasn’t been getting hours with her job so she has no money and nowhere to be.
Now, part of the reason she’s sleeping is because she has depression. She spent most of December in the mental hospital and is progressively getting worse. I’m worried about her, and I understand how soul-sucking depression is having battled it myself.
My problem is that she’s unmotivated to do anything unless spending moolah is involved and anytime I go out to do something fun it’s almost like I’m obligated to pay for her because she constantly complains she’s bored. (Keep in mind that I’m a huge nerd/gamer and we have multiple pets in the house.
I have several game systems, a small library of books, coloring books, etc, and she is welcome to use any of them)
It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to resent anytime she asks for something. I have tried gently suggesting she talk to her therapist and psychiatrist and she keeps insisting everything is fine.
I’m starting to feel like I’m her primary caretaker and I didn’t agree to that.
So, WIBTJ if I told her that if she continues to sleep 90% of the day I can’t keep taking her places and paying for her to go out with me because I feel like I’m being used?
(I would of course still continue to provide her shelter, access to my things/amenities, food, and help her with her car/pet/phone/etc)
I’m worried that I’m not being compassionate considering she is depressed.
EDIT: It is not her fault she is not getting hours at her job.
She has a specialized career with limited job choices and the company that hired her didn’t have the work she was promised so she’s kind of stuck.
If I were the broken one, she would cover me in a heartbeat.
I own my house and make enough money that the bills aren’t the problem. I consider her family and making sure she has a safe place to live isn’t an issue (I mentioned it because I didn’t want anyone to think I was going to kick her out)
She is seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. She’s on several medications to try and help her symptoms, but she hasn’t told me what they’ve said about her sleeping all day and shuts down when I try to talk to her about different approaches.
I’m worried about whether telling her she has to stop sleeping all day or I’m going to stop taking her places is being too harsh. I’m frustrated every time I walk by her room and see her asleep and the only time I see her want to do something is when I’m going out somewhere.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’ve got news for you: You are being used. Your roommate isn’t depressed, she’s unmotivated. Why should she be? She’s got you to pay for everything. And even now, you’re talking about still providing for her.
You have been compassionate for the last five months. Enough is enough. She needs to get out of bed, get her resume in order, find some job vacancies and go fill out some applications. And if she won’t change her ways, you either need to kick her out or find a new apartment.
Either way, it’s time to cut off the assistance and make her stand on her own two feet again.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has found a great place to wallow and you are enabling her. You are not clear about living arrangements, but it’s time to give her an ultimatum.
Either she gets help and supports herself or you move or she moves. You can be compassionate and not support her financially. If she is mentally in a state where she can’t work then she needs to apply for government assistance, but she will probably need a psych who will complete forms for her.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ.
Seeing as you said it’s not an issue about you continuing to provide her support and shelter but you wanting to set a boundary on her leeching off you, you’re NTJ and I think that it will make very clear if she’s using you or not depending on how she reacts.
I do get the whole depression thing though, and when you feel a certain way, even when you have all these things in front of you like games and books, etc. It still feels like there’s nothing you’d like to do because you’re kinda meh about it all.
But at the same time, I would feel awful if my friend or partner was paying for me all the time and I couldn’t contribute. Like, to the point that after a while I probably would refuse to go out at all until I could at least pay my way for the next one because I’m very conscious about not wanting my friendships to feel one-sided.
If your friend really is asleep 90% of the time she does need to see someone who can help her figure out a plan or steps she could take as one of the biggest arguments you can hear is ‘not knowing how to go about things’ in terms of getting better.
You can be compassionate, but you need to be realistic. I don’t know what your dynamic is with your roommate but it’s actually not healthy for the person with mental health problems to be so worried about being compassionate that you avoid being honest/realistic to them.
Obviously, if you come out all aggressive listing faults and demanding things from her that’d be bad, but sitting her down and being honest about how you feel about how things have been lately, and explaining the reasons why you need to set some boundaries on paying her way (since you’re feeling used) is not a bad thing and can actually be helpful for people currently in a pit of their own making.
Her reaction to you no longer paying for her anymore will be very telling, as the bit about how you often end up paying for her cause she starts making comments about being bored sounds like a typical thing someone would attempt to exploit (like if I talk about how bored I am, they’ll generally pay for me.) I won’t assume that’s what she’s doing, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Anyhow, I wish you luck on figuring things out with her.” sarusagi
10. WIBTJ If I Talk To My Roommate About His Partner Living In Our Apartment?
“This past September, two buddies from high school and I moved in together a couple of miles off of a college campus. The first couple of months were great, we’d hang out every now and then, and go to the gym together but mostly stayed in our separate rooms. A few months into living there my roommate ‘Jake’ meets this girl on the internet, she comes over, and he asks me to delay coming back from classes for a few hours, whatever, I obliged. Over the next few months, she’d be there almost every day/night and he’d constantly ask me to stay away for a few more hours.
Throughout the relationship, the other roommate ‘Ben’ and I would talk to him about the situation and how it’s not okay if she literally lives here without our consent. Her being there was super annoying for multiple reasons, such as they’d use the kitchen and just leave dirty dishes everywhere (for literal weeks until Ben and I basically forced him to clean up), he’d cancel plans our friend group had to hang out with her more, and she was super loud.
Eventually, they break up and after they do I tell him that this crap isn’t happening again.
Fast forward a month (end of February), he finds a new girl. Even before their first date, he tells me she’s not in an affectionate relationship with him and he’s only going out with her to hook up with her.
She moves in quite literally a week after their first date. She’s not as annoying as the last one but she’s here ALL THE TIME. The wall between our rooms is very thin and they argue frequently which either wakes me up or annoys me.
It’s been a few months, I’ve told him to get his life together a dozen times but he ignores me. Even a month after she moved in, he continues to tell me she’s only here to meet his needs, and that he wouldn’t care if she disappeared (which I don’t understand but whatever).
She has another place to live, not 100% sure if it’s with her family or on some campus somewhere but my only request is that he limits the time that she’s here just so that I can breathe in my own apartment.
I’m not crazy in saying that moving in with someone a week after the first date (twice) is insane right? Also, neither of the girls has paid rent (which I don’t care about but would make it less trashy) and he pays the least out of the three roommates (3br/2bath).
Since he’s completely disregarded my and Ben’s input on either of them living here. I’m thinking I’m going to have to resort to some sort of ultimatum. I’m not sure what that’s gonna be/look like but it seems like my only option to keep my sanity.
This dude was my best friend and gym partner and nowadays he ignores my existence entirely and only talks to me to gloat about two different jobs competing over him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend loses himself in his relationships and it affects others.
As he has shown multiple times that he doesn’t care, it’s time to start considering other places to live with your other roommate.” Vargoroth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: This is the hard part about growing up. You find out how much your friends are super annoying to live with.
He needs to find a new place since he can’t handle how he deals with girls, or there needs to be a contract signed that stipulates a significant other. He may be butt hurt for a little bit, but if you guys are good friends like you say, this will all blow over eventually.” callijo2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to speak to him, now it’s time for you and Ben to give him the ultimatum. However, make sure it’s one that you two will follow through with, or Mr. Wonderful will be even harder to deal with than before.” ChapSteve711
9. AITJ For Expecting My Friends To Check Up On Me?
“I (f18) live with my best friend (f19) and this week was the week my father passed away.
She knows this date, she knows how hard it is for me, and I told her at the beginning of the week how hard of a week it is for me.
She struggles a lot with mental illness, and she often confides in me about her problems and usually, I am happy to help her through it, but our relationship is pretty one-sided in that aspect.
Even when I share something about how I am feeling she somehow makes it about her still, and honestly it usually doesn’t bother me. She’s not usually the person I go to for emotional support.
However, she has not asked me once how I was feeling this week or tried to help me through when I’ve said I’ve had a bad week.
She even dumped on me this past Monday and told me she thinks I’m gonna leave her to which I have to constantly reassure her I am not.
I feel like I can’t even ask her to support me because she’s gonna have a breakdown about not being a good friend.
It wouldn’t bother me but she’s been crying to me every night this week and has never once considered that I am having the hardest week of the year.
Even my ex reached out, and she has done nothing.
I feel hurt, and I feel used. AITJ for expecting her to comfort me even if she’s not always doing the best?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Hard for me to call anyone a jerk. But in situations like these, when I hear ‘they haven’t once asked…’ It’s like, well, think about the relationship regularly.
Do they usually ask? No? Okay. So they’re right on schedule. They are doing exactly what they do. So if you want to experience change, it’s not going to spring from them. It’s going to require you to ask for it.
To express your feelings and allow her the opportunity to follow up. That sounds more reasonable than just waiting for nothing, especially when that means resentment building.” Tekkie993
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. People assume you’re okay or you will reach out if you’re not.
People will also choose not to say something if they are uncomfortable or if they think it will bring you discomfort. Thinking back to the funeral, I’m sure there were a lot of people that just genuinely had no idea what to say, so they didn’t.
On top of that, if someone hasn’t been affected in this way, they genuinely don’t understand the impact. All this is to say that you are struggling and it would be nice if someone reached out, but it’s not intentional when people don’t.
It doesn’t mean they don’t care.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But, while your roommate isn’t a jerk, I don’t think she’s being a very good friend. I had a roommate really similar to that and it made me feel awful like I was walking on eggshells.
So bad that I once hid in my closet when I was crying just so she wouldn’t make it worse somehow.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends with her but I learned the hard way it’s healthy to set boundaries.
You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep putting her feelings first. It took me a while but I finally learned how to acknowledge others’ feelings while still acknowledging my own. It’s cheesy but it really has helped. Like even the simplest, ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and I love you, but I’m also going through something hard and I don’t have the emotional space for both.’ Obviously, you don’t have to say it that way, but feel around and see what makes you comfortable and lets you get your point across.
Also, I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you feel better soon.” ayelien_
8. AITJ For Getting A Tattoo Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I am 18, 19 in a couple of weeks. I have expressed to my mother in the past that I wanted a tattoo and she always made it clear that she was very opposed to the idea.
My mother hates tattoos. She insults them often and says she doesn’t understand them and thinks they look bad generally.
The main reason she gives for not liking them is their permanence. I know that’s a pretty common sentiment. She often says they will look ugly on an older person.
I got a tattoo. It’s a small stick and poke on the inside of my ankle.
She accidentally found out about it, but she would have seen it eventually anyways.
At first, she didn’t really say anything about it but I found out later that this was because she ‘didn’t know how to react’ since then she has told me that my having a tattoo has made her, in her words, ‘a little depressed’.
I felt awful but I also don’t think I did anything wrong. She also went on to say she didn’t like it.
I knew that it would upset her if I got a tattoo but I did it anyways. And honestly, I plan to get more tattoos in the future.
So was I wrong to do that to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your body is yours to decorate how you wish.
I will say that if you still live with mom at 18 (many do, makes sense) and if she funds most of your life (again not assuming, but not an atypical situation), it might be a common courtesy thing until you move out.
Again, NTJ. This was just how I approached my own body art – once I was out of the house, financially independent, etc I felt more comfortable getting art even though I was never forbidden, just knew the parent feels about it.
She’ll get past it. If permanence is the issue, explain to her the meaning of the art (even if it is ‘I like this and always will’). Many things in life are permanent, many we don’t get to choose. We age, get wrinkles, have stretch marks, and have freckles and sun spots, why not add your choice to the mosaic?
Also if tattoo aging is the concern, ankles are a great place for a tattoo to strategically put in a spot that doesn’t typically change radically over time.” Background-Aioli4709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had the same issue with my mom.
She wouldn’t talk to me for almost an entire day after she found out. Her thinking was that she would never do it, so how could I? And I had been telling her for years that I planned to get one (I got my first tat when I was 32).
You didn’t do this to her, you didn’t get a tattoo AT her. She has her opinion and you have yours. You’re 18 and you didn’t need her permission or approval, but it takes some parents time to get used to that.
And some parents really struggle with their kids doing something they wouldn’t, bc they still see the kid as an extension of themselves instead of this person with a different personality and desires.
That’s really what this boils down to.
Your mom has an opinion and she expected you to take that as an authority. You didn’t (and you absolutely didn’t have to) because you don’t agree. You’re allowed to disagree with your parents’ opinions.
Keep getting tattoos if you want.
Your mom is adjusting to your independence.” bumble_blue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t spend your life not doing things just because your mom might not like it and ‘get a little depressed.’
You are an adult now.
You make your own decisions and you need to start getting comfortable with that. Be thoughtful in the decisions that you make but then be confident that you’re doing what’s right for you.
My mom hates tattoos. I got one.
She hated it. I now have another one. She still hates them. But she knows I’m an adult and she knows I have to make my own decisions and live with them.
It gets easier! Enjoy your new tat!!” BDizzMcNizz
7. AITJ For Taking Advantage Of The Lack Of State Laws?
“Several years ago, I (37F) married Tina (48F) after 5 years of being together in a state that recently allowed gay marriage at that time.
I was already 7 months pregnant from a donor when we got married. I had my baby and took maternity leave for 2 months. Tina was having trouble finding a job so we agreed that she would be a stay home mom.
When the baby was 3 months old, things went bad. It’s difficult to explain one tumultuous month concisely, but Tina wanted more breaks from taking care of the baby, asked for a divorce, and made wild accusations toward me as well as threatened to ruin my life, prompting me to do a background investigation.
She has been arrested several times for burglary, and illegal stuff, and had several civil court cases for not paying rent or avoiding high bills, by giving fake names. It was very alarming (and embarrassing that I missed the red flags) and I moved out immediately.
When I served her divorce papers, she said that she is going to get sole custody because she is listed on the birth certificate. I spoke with my lawyer and she said that in my state there wasn’t a gay marriage case of a child that was conceived outside of marriage but born within the marriage.
Because of the lack of laws regarding gay marriage with a child conceived by a donor, my lawyer suggested for me to fight as if she has no legality over the child.
I told my friend, Sarah, my plans for the custody case.
She is also in a gay marriage with her wife as the birth mother of their child. Sarah agrees that it was too dangerous for Tina to even have joint custody of my son, but she got upset because she said I was setting a precedent for future cases by making the non-birth parent in gay marriages have no rights to the child at all.
I told Sarah that I have to protect my son and can’t take the risk of Tina having parental rights. She hasn’t talked to me since then.
Tina actually didn’t even show up in court at all so that automatically gave me sole custody.
But am I a jerk for taking advantage of the lack of laws to prevent my ex from taking any kind of custody? Or should I have stated that she has parental rights and then taken a risk to prove that she’s unfit to have joint custody?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Kinda depends on how the argument went down, I suppose. If your response was to reassure Sarah that, of course, you don’t think non-birthing parents in a gay relationship don’t automatically have parental rights to revoke, your priority is just to protect your kid right now and get the cleanest break you can… then you’re not a jerk.
If, however, you double-downed on it because no way Tina has parental rights, she didn’t give birth, so she isn’t actually his mother and she doesn’t have a case…well, I wouldn’t blame Sarah for dropping you if that was your genuine take, not just loophole abuse.
You haven’t actually specified either way, so…
Nonetheless, the fact is, whether you actually believed in your lawyer’s stance or if you were just going along with whatever gave you the best chance of winning your case (if this had actually gone to court)… well, you would’ve still had to live with that and the reputation it would’ve carried, even if you didn’t set some sort of legal precedent in your area.
Your case would’ve likely warranted some sort of news coverage, especially if Tina put up a fight. Would you have wanted that coming up every time someone googled your name? Do you want your name attached to that for, well, ever?
I’m not gonna call Sarah and the other Sarahs out there jerks if your loophole abuse affects them somewhere down the line; their concerns are also rooted in love for their children. They’re well within their right if it changes their opinion of you.
Put your kid first, absolutely, and do what you have to do, but own your actions; you don’t live in a bubble.” Fauxst
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your friend is absolutely right you could be setting lots of queer families back because you failed to do your due diligence before getting married while you were already pregnant.
Our community is built on the b***d, broken bones, and lives of thousands and the only reason you have the ability to get married and have a kid is because of sacrifice from other people.
Can you be the one to throw the rest of us under the bus?
Potentially undo the hard work accomplished by lives laid down simply for the right to live? You can protect your son, there are ways to get sole custody and with her history, I think you are going to win the case.
No judge would give her access so don’t be a jerk to the rest of us and go nuclear.” Mediocre_Mechanic_23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, Sarah is kind of the jerk for making what was already a really stressful situation, all about her.
I mean that’s literally what she did. She saw that you were in an incredibly stressful (and abusive) situation and instead of being helpful, is self-centered enough to make it all about HER. You deserve a better friend.
Congratulations on getting out of an abusive relationship and winning full custody.
I hope you can get Tina’s name off the birth certificate and get full parental rights returned to you/get her parental rights revoked.
Otherwise: take care of yourself, mama. I hope you’re in therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is awesome) and I hope you soak up every inch of love from that kid because they have the best mom, whose willing to fight for them.” StarGurl1323
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but feeling very close to NTJ. The bottomline is things seem to be going in the kids’ favor and that is probably what is most important. My wife and I (same-sex, she was pregnant) just had a kid, a very wanted, very planned kid.
We are in the process of paying for a lawyer to have our child legally adopted by me.
Even though I am on the birth certificate, we are married, this was the plan, we went with an anonymous donor through an established sperm bank.
But we still have to pay 5k+ just so in the eyes of the law I am 100% this kid’s parent. Had we used IVF and my egg to conceive, had I been biologically related to the kid, and she not, but she carried the pregnancy this would still be the case.
Had you been a straight couple you would not have had this loophole. Had our laws been better written, you would not have this loophole. You were together over 4 years before you got pregnant (and seemingly would have been married had this been legal).
At the time of the child’s birth, in my eyes, this child had two mothers and should have had two legal mothers.
However, it does seem like the situation is better for everyone that you have sole custody, so it is hard to come down harshly on you.
I think YTJ for not going the route of proving your ex-wife was an unfit partner, but you might have been a bigger jerk had you left your kid in an unhealthy situation when you had a way out. Being a jerk for the benefit of tour kid comes with the territory of being a parent.” EmceeK_baby
6. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Share With The Traffic Ticket?
“It was late at night and my ex was tired so he asked me to drive his car.
I was driving and the light became red suddenly and the car stopped 10ft across the white line. I said, ‘Should I go? I don’t think so.’ My friend shouts ‘go go go’ with his hand gesturing it and I hesitate but then just go and jump the red light.
I got pulled over and ticketed and my ex said he would split the ticket with me. I got a ticket for $300 and we also broke up three days later (due to other issues).
I told him that I am paying the fine instead of fighting the case (I’m not in the country on the hearing date and the extended date’) and he asked me ‘Oh how much should I pay?’ I said $150 and then he texted me that he hates me but he paid the $150 immediately.
I feel really guilty asking him for moolah now also because he is younger than me. Is it moral to ask him to split the ticket with me?
EDIT: The light turned from yellow to red suddenly and the cop said I actually stopped on the white line.
It was my ex’s car and he told me to ‘go go go’ so I went. Also, both of us are students and this is a big payment.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were driving, you’re responsible alone regardless of what he said about splitting it.
If you had hit and possibly killed a pedestrian, would you use that as a defense ‘the passenger told me to go, even though I was fully in control of the car’ If you’re not comfortable with driving then don’t get behind the wheel?” Glittering-Weekend74
Another User Comments:
“My opinion is everyone sucks here, no he shouldn’t have told you to go but as someone with a driver’s license, there’s no way you didn’t know that running a red light is illegal. If you can’t take responsibility for your decision by asking a passenger what you should do maybe you shouldn’t be driving.
I know that sounds harsh but car accidents can be deadly.” Sea-Ad3724
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were the driver and should have been more responsible when driving, not listening to your passenger. You chose to run the red light.
I don’t care if he was telling you to, you made the choice and should have handled the consequences.” PuzzleheadedTap4484
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – if you don’t know how to drive you shouldn’t be. Act properly on the road or get off of it, this is how accidents happen and they can be fatal. It’s better to learn that lesson now instead of firsthand.
He said he’d pay half so he should. If he didn’t intend to he should have held you accountable for it as A) you were driving and B) you listened to the friend. Shouldn’t have said he hates you for it assuming it was referring to the moolah and not something else, he does kind of suck for that.” pudge_d_fish
5. AITJ For Not Going To The Movies With My Cousins?
“I come from a large family with a lot of cousins (there are nine of us, aged between 7 to 21). We had a big gathering at one of my aunt’s and uncles’ houses over the weekend for Easter.
So there’s an expectation that the older cousins have to watch the little cousins, like babysitting only we don’t get paid.
On Saturday, the adults were getting the house ready for Easter so they gave us some moolah and told us to take the cousins to the movies.
The problem was we didn’t want to see the same movie, even though we’re supposed to stick together.
So we all agreed to split up and meet in the lobby after our films were done.
So it was the four youngest watching Sonic (ages 7 to 14m), three seeing the Dumbledore movie (12, 16, 19f), and me and the oldest cousin watching Batman again (21m).
Everything worked out fine. No one got in trouble and we all made it back home intact.
Only my youngest cousin Antonio blew our cover and told his mom that he watched Sonic without his sister.
Our parents are now annoyed at us, especially the older cousins for ditching our youngest cousins at the movies.
They reamed us for letting the youngest boys watch Sonic unsupervised and how it’s our responsibility to look after them.
We tried to explain that we had the cousins see Sonic to make sure the younger boys didn’t get into trouble.
And that it’s not our job to monitor what they do 24/7. Our girl cousins got the worst of it.
So as of right now, most of us are in trouble ranging from grounding to no tech to having limited social lives now.
I think this is stupid, and the other cousins agree. But what do you think?
Edit: I forgot to mention, but everyone is assuming my 14yo cousin was wrangling three seven-year-olds. The ages of the cousins who watched Sonic are 7 (Antonio), 9, 13, and 14.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t ditch them at the movies. Ditching means you left them there and took off. You didn’t go somewhere else, you were at the movies. You all just split up and went to different movies.
You didn’t leave anyone behind and you all knew what movies the others were in. I’m a former nanny and a bit of a nut about knowing where kids are outside the home. Even I think none of you did anything wrong.
If the adults have such a problem with it then a few of them should have gone with you and not left it up to you guys.” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ.
3 other kids is a lot for a 14-year-old to manage but not completely unreasonable.
I can see why you thought the expectations were dumb.
However, someone else paid for you to go, you clearly knew what their expectations were, and you chose not to follow them.
If you didn’t want to watch your younger cousins, you should have just declined to go or made it clear that you did not consider it your responsibility to watch them so the parents could have made other arrangements they would have felt better about.” ShoddyBookkeeper
Another User Comments:
“Personally to me NTJ, you took the idea of everyone is happy to approach by splitting up was it wise maybe not but a 14-year-old is old enough to be responsible for three 7 yr olds. Same with the three that wanted to see the Dumbledore movie 16 and 19 are both responsible enough to take care of a 12 yr old.
You just wanted everyone to enjoy their time at the movies over fighting over one movie and dragging three possibly four screaming kids into a movie they didn’t want to watch (which would have soured the experience and annoyed anyone else wanting to see that movie having to hear four little kids wailing about not being able to see sonic or the Dumbledore movie).
I can also understand their parents’ perspectives, but if they wanted you all to stay together should have just gone to a park over a movie theater you can’t exactly please every kid by going to a movie theater each one will want to see something different and an argument would have ensued if you kept to the whole stick together.
Yea we don’t get everything in this world but this is a movie theater. If the kids all want to watch something different, then split up albeit you could have sat and watched Sonic with the one group and the other could have sat and watched the Dumbledor movie with the other but again 14 is old enough to watch three 7 yr old kids and be responsible and a 16 and 19 yr old is old enough to watch a 12 yr old and be responsible.
I don’t see the major issue with this scenario at all. Ya parents are upset, I understand, but this was a group decision to split up. Everyone was okay with it (and personally I’d have told their parents ‘well we all agreed to the idea of splitting up and each seeing a movie we wanted to see.
Besides, it’s not like we weren’t far from each other we were all in the same movie theater just watching different movies enjoying ourselves and not bickering over what to see.”).” hollystar241
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Some of you are over 18 and shouldn’t have to do that unpaid anyway, you’re not children and shouldn’t be treated as such.
Everyone seemed happy with the arrangement and the younger children weren’t abandoned.
However, you accepted money from your relatives. They were paying for you to go to the cinema with the kids and the expectation was obviously that you’d stick with them as a group, even if you’d prefer not to.” erringtonnes02
4. AITJ For Telling My Ex To Decide For Himself?
“My ex (34M) and I (27F) live together still with our 2 children (7 and 3 this year). Our co-parenting is good and we get along. He works the 3rd shift, I stay home with the kids, this arrangement is what keeps us financially stable.
This past weekend, our youngest and I came down with a pretty bad cold. Because of this, I’ve been barely sleeping. I get about 2 hours of broken sleep and during the day I’m dealing with my own sore throat, coughing, and fevers.
Along with a sick baby and a 7-year-old. I’ve been surviving off of energy drinks and just cutting every corner I can around the house and with the kids. Basically, if it’s not really necessary, I’ve been letting it go.
Breakfast is snacks, baths are skipped, activity times are canceled and replaced with tablets for now, etc.
That said, my ex was invited out with his friends for his day off. He asked me if I needed him to stay home instead to let me rest and relax.
This is a thing he does a lot. He’ll ask me what I think he should do, but says he’ll ‘decide what he wants then’ and he always picks whatever I say. It just looks a lot like I control what he does and it makes me feel like I can’t struggle or need help.
So I told him I didn’t want to choose for him and it was a jerk thing to always make me do that. That I didn’t want to do that emotional labor. Eventually, I gave in during our discussion about it (we don’t usually argue.
These things aren’t heated for us.) and I told him I did need rest and help. He chose to not go.
I told my closest friends about it and they said I was being a jerk for saying what I did and that I’m the jerk for not appreciating that he cares enough to stay home to help me, which, you know, he should be doing that anyway because they’re his kids.
They claim I’d be mad if he had chosen to go and he probably didn’t want to deal with that, but I don’t cause arguments if I’m angry or annoyed with him. I just get huffy when I’m by myself and grumble to myself about it a lot and sometimes—if it’s something serious—I’ll bring up that it made me angry and I’d like to avoid that happening again.
My thing is, I was going to talk to him about changing this behavior because it makes me stressed and annoyed. But was I the jerk and I should apologize instead? If it isn’t a behavior that needs to change then I don’t want to be unfair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The behavior you’ve described is him using you as a scapegoat to get out of plans. He specifically cites the reason he doesn’t show up for something is that you told him not to go. That’s not fair, that particular behavior is rude.
There’s a difference between him being supportive as a co-parent and making you out to be a bad guy.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a very specific type of jerk we are now calling the Heron Greenesmith, Esq.
He’s not making you do emotional labor (that’s not even what emotional labor means).
He’s being considerate of his co-parent. He’s recognizing that this is a two-person job and while you’re not in a relationship anymore, you are still interdependent as parents and it’s a good idea to consult you on things so you can make plans together and carry the load of parenting together.
It’s on you to either tell him when you need him to make a specific choice when these questions come up because of (X practical reason) or say ‘It doesn’t matter, I’m good either way, do what you want.’ No one is forcing you to tell him what to do, and if he won’t make up his mind on his own, you can make the choice to not make it up for him, and then he’ll sort it out eventually.
Also, I’m not sure how this makes you feel like you can’t struggle or need help. He literally said, ‘You look like you’re having trouble, do you need help? I can help,’ and you said, ‘Yes, I need rest and help’ so he stayed home, helped, let you rest.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kids need him around right now to keep things together. If you aren’t rested, you can’t properly care for them. You can just let that friend go because you don’t need people like that in your life.” AttemptedAdult
3. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Shoes From Our Old House?
“My dad passed away due to Alzheimer’s on New Year’s Eve 2020 right after midnight. In the course of his disease, his term policy ended and they wanted $2500 to continue.
When I showed him the letter from the insurance company, he screamed at me that I made it up on my computer and wouldn’t sign a new policy. We also discovered that even though my mom had our house paid off for 25 years, he remortgaged it to pay off gambling debts.
So we lost of the house of 50 years and had to move into a two-bedroom apartment. It’s a nice place, but it’s not home.
Because it’s only a two-bedroom, there is a lot of stuff we had to abandon. Mostly my stuff because I have no husband, no kids, and a cool car (BMW z3) that I got rid of because we need the funds.
Now, in more recent times, my mom fell and broke her pelvis. She’s in a wheelchair and through physical therapy is starting to use her walker again. I am here to help her. I do everything I can for her.
This is where the problem starts. She has a hospital bed here that she hates and prefers to sleep on the couch (the bed is too high for her to hop up on in her condition right now), so I made arrangements to have the bed removed tomorrow.
In its place, I want to put on my shoes. They are in boxes and would take up as much room as the bed. I have 400 pairs. (Don’t judge me; no husband, no kids, I made good money, and I love shoes and fashion.) I just want them there until I can start donating them.
We got into a knockdown drag-out fight because of this. We are not crowded and we have a room. In fact, I normally slept on the couch because the 2nd bedroom is filled with boxes we have yet to unpack/deal with.
And I don’t have a problem with that.
But with an argument about the shoes taking the place of the bed is making me red with rage. With everything else going on in our lives (which I won’t be getting into) it seems like the dumbest fight ever.
Her argument is that she doesn’t want people to walk in and see shoes. Is that really different from a hospital bed? I should also mention there’s no other place to put the shoes and the second bedroom is packed with a small path to walk through.
AITJ for wanting to get my shoes from my old house (they are valuable and don’t want to see them just thrown away) and put them in place of a hospital bed that isn’t being used and will be picked up tomorrow until I can donate them?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re a hoarder. That may not make you the jerk, but consider why you’re so okay with sleeping on the couch because one of the two bedrooms is full of boxes, and now you want to bring in boxes full of 400 pairs of shoes.
You do not have a healthy relationship with ’stuff.’ This is not a ‘dumb fight’ for anyone who has to share living space with you.” thesmkchick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need an appropriate bed for your mother, a couch is not supportive or appropriate for someone with a broken pelvis and mobility issues, and are shoes really more important than a bed for your ailing mother?
You can consign likely many pairs at once to make room. And honestly 400, holy cow.
Figure out a way to get your mom a decent bed.” NationalParamedic607
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bring your things to your home. Get rid of her stuff since it was her and her husband that messed things up, to begin with (not by being gone of course, but by not managing the finances right like life insurance and mortgage).” psyk2u
2. AITJ For Scolding A Castmate?
“My school is a fine arts school and we were putting on Sound of Music as our annual musical. We had been working on it for months and various people put their sweat, tears, and hard work into this show already.
Also, we were performing in a small black box, backstage could barely fit two people shoulder to shoulder from the wall to the curtain, and we could barely seat 125 people, we were practically on top of the audience
It was the third night, we had taken a break and doing our second week of shows.
I had gone backstage during the end of scene 7 as scene 8 is maybe two minutes, and I was on at the start of scene 9. For those who don’t know, scene 8 has thunder, which means lights go out for a second every few seconds.
We could already hardly see backstage normally but when the lights when out it was literally pitch black. I believe the castmate went backstage during scene 8. I saw her backstage 45 minutes-ish before she had to go on stage, and I waved her to get out of the backstage without dropping my tray full of food (I’m very accident-prone so that was a me-issue not her issue).
Scene 8 happens and the Von Trapp kids run off stage and I do my bit on stage then I leave and go to try and find her.
I find her and while I don’t scold her, it’s borderline that with my tone, and I realized it, so I tried to keep it quick.
I told her, she never enters from backstage and to never go back there as again it’s crowded and there are actors waiting for their cues and such, and there isn’t room for her back there. I also reminded her that her feet could be seen from underneath the curtain (this was a watery argument because while yes our feet were exposed I was not 100% sure shoes could be seen).
When I asked her why she went back there, she said something about an elderly woman who went backstage looking for the bathroom. Whether or not I believed her didn’t matter since I couldn’t confirm this was true since I personally hadn’t heard anything but a stagehand later said they had heard something about it (during intermission long after this happened).
I told her that if there truly was an issue, a stagehand would have taken care of it, which was true as there were like 4 of them backstage at all times. I apologized for my tone but said my point still stands and as a kid majoring in theatre she should have known better.
We had been told many times, theatre kid or not, by the director, both during rehearsals and on opening night to NEVER go backstage unless you’re back timing an entrance as it makes everyone else’s job harder in the already crowded space.
In her defense: She was on the younger side of the cast and she was just trying to help. I also know that my tone probably wasn’t helping me. I was stressed which made me a bit hostile which was definitely my bad.
So as petty as I probably was being, AITJ for scolding another classmate for going backstage when she wasn’t supposed to?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She’s young, forgetting the rules, and you were stressed: no reason to take it out on her.
Inform her politely of the rules and walk away.” MedeaMoone
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you the director? No? Then stay in your lane.” gingermermaid1994
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. While you’re not wrong about the rules, you’re also not in charge of her.” Lanky-Instruction729
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend The Family Reunion?
“This summer, my (19F) family is having a reunion a few hours away from where most of us live (we’re spread out across our province). We would have to drive the 4/5 hours to the other city, and I struggle with travel due to my issues with severe anxiety.
Also, my smaller family unit is prone to disagreements, which would make it worse.
Recently, we also got a puppy. Said puppy would have to go to a kennel while we go to the reunion because my mom (49F) doesn’t want to bring it because it would cause her more stress on top of making sure my brother (17M, who has autism) is okay, as well as my grandmother (79F).
I offered to stay home and watch the dog for the weekend, but my mom disagreed. Most of the people going to this ‘reunion’ are family friends of the seniors that I don’t know, I’m stuck in the middle of all the cousins’ ages and I don’t really have anything in common with any of them.
I suggested that I could stay home and watch the dog and save my mom the worry of finding a good kennel and also preserve my social anxiety.
I don’t see some of this family often, but also they know nothing about me (barely even my name) so I’m not sure it’s really important that I’m there considering I usually fade into oblivion anyway.
AITJ for not wanting to go to a ‘family’ reunion?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A family reunion has always sounded bad to me. I only like a family that I actually know, distant b***d that I’ve never met, etc are not my ‘family’.
But if you are going to run with ‘severe’ anxiety, then you best be getting help for it. Because life will throw up a billion more unpleasant social events between now and the end and you can’t dodge them all.” Jerratt24
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But if you live in your mom’s house, you have to be prepared to put up with more than you would if you lived on your own. Practically, she can make your life unpleasant if you decide not to go.
So you just have to decide what’s more important to you – avoiding the awkwardness of going or avoiding however your mom would react to you not going.” BDizzMcNizz
