People Request Our Viewpoints On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Sending A Guy Friend A Picture Of My Rash?
“A lot of weird things have happened to me during my pregnancy (Pregnant with first child), so a lot of minor things, I write off as normal. So, when the underside of the right side of my chest started to sting, I didn’t pay attention to it until it began to itch.
I saw what looked like a rash. I gave it a few days and hoped it would go away. It did not. I talked to my husband about it, and he said ‘don’t you have that doctor friend? Send a pic, see if it’s serious.’ I thought this was a good idea, called my friend, and asked if I could send a picture of the rash, and he said yes, and I did.
Disclaimer: It was just the underside. There was no naughty posing or anything. You can barely even tell what part of my body it is.
But apparently, my husband forgot that my dermatologist friend is a guy (Which is weird because they have literally met) and he got mad at me for sending the picture to him.
I told my husband that I thought he knew that my ‘doctor friend’ was male. He said he didn’t remember that, and I should have used my better judgment and not sent the picture because he has ADHD and forgets things.
We got into a big fight, and I feel horrible. I just wanted to see if my rash was a problem – it’s not, just chaffing from new bras as my chest has gotten bigger. I was confident I was in the right at first, but I can sort of see why my husband is upset.
So, I am asking y’all.
Am I the jerk?
Edit: My husband did apologize and told me he was out of line. He told me that he shouldn’t have reacted that way and he was sorry.
My friend who is a dermatologist and I have been friends since we were 10 years old.
He lives 5 hours north of me, so I don’t get to see him often. I work in IT and I help when he needs his computer problems fixed, He works as a dermatologist and has told me many times to contact him if I have problems during my pregnancy regarding my skin.
I would never exploit my friend’s profession. We help each other out 50/50.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not reminding your husband that your doctor friend is male, but YTJ for sending the pic to your friend. Asking people to do their professional job for free off the clock is rude.
Whether it’s a doctor, a lawyer, a plumber, a contractor, or an artist, they’re being inundated with requests to help their friends and family for free. Email your pic to your doctor who you pay for services (mine definitely takes care of minor stuff like that via email all the time for me), not your friend or family in the field.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he had a food allergy, would it be your job at restaurants to verify his order was allergen-free?
If he had a phobia about snakes, would it be your job to research campgrounds for the presence of snakes before scheduling a vacation lot?
If he couldn’t remember his previous addresses, would it be your job to keep a list in case he needs a background check?
In other words, ADD/ADHD is not a blanket excuse for an adult. This is his issue, and it’s his job, not yours, to find workarounds.
In any particular instance, he can absolutely ask for your assistance, but you are not thereafter obligated to assist in every case, unasked, forevermore.
He knew the picture would be marginally intimate. He presumably knew he’d prefer that such a picture not be sent to a male, and you knew he has ADD/ADHD.
How hard could it have been to say, ‘ADD/ADHD over here, so just to verify: your doctor friend is female, right?'” Barrayaran
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is gaslighting you. He gave you the idea but now it’s your fault because he forgot the doctor was a dude.
Now you think you are crazy and feel bad about it. Your ‘better judgment’ is sending a picture to someone you know and avoiding a doctor’s visit. He needs to calm down.
Also, ADHD is not an excuse for berating you that he forgot the doctor was male and he is jealous.
Also, I thought ADHD didn’t affect long-term memory, only short-term memory. If he met this guy and forgot, it’s because he forgot, not because of ADHD necessarily.” Coco_Dirichlet
22. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom For Interrupting During A Debate?
“So a few days ago, I (23F) got into a big argument with my mom.
This started over a rather arbitrary debate about how to make a cocktail (both of us are bartenders). I was just trying to explain that I had been trained to make the drink a certain way at every job I’ve worked and any website I’ve seen corroborates that, but she kept cutting me off and just saying, ‘You’re wrong!’ over and over, raising her voice each time, and I raised my voice back because I got frustrated that she kept rudely interrupting me.
This culminated in her saying, ‘Screw you,’ so I got up to leave because I saw this was going in a bad direction.
However, she then flipped and said we needed to just agree to disagree and my sisters (12F and 14F) wanted me to stay.
I agreed and went to my younger sister’s room, and we were just talking about some stuff that had been going on at her school. My mom comes upstairs a few minutes later yelling, accusing us of talking bad about her, to which of course we said we weren’t, then went back downstairs.
I stayed a bit longer to visit with my other sister, and then went downstairs and told her I needed to leave because I had work to do (I’m a full-time student with two jobs). She was then upset that I was leaving and started yelling at me again, so I just left.
She then sent a barrage of text messages telling me what a jerk I was and that I escalated the situation and couldn’t just ‘agree to disagree,’ to which I responded that I wasn’t upset about the subject itself, but that she kept interrupting and raising her voice at me when I was just trying to explain something, and that I didn’t want to stay after she had yelled at me multiple times.
She then accused me of ‘staying out and getting wasted all night and being out of control’ and never going to class and bringing my sisters into our arguments, and then proceeded to call my dad and tell him all these accusations about me, and telling him that he needed to make me move back in with him (parents are divorced and live in different states).
I’m not going to say I’m perfect, but my lowest grade in school is an A- right now, and I don’t drink every night, let alone get ‘out of control’ on a regular basis. I also didn’t intentionally bring my sisters into the argument, they just happened to be there.
Luckily, while my dad called me concerned, he believed me over my mom.
The arguing continued for a bit (I’ll leave out the details because I’ve already written a lot) but things have calmed down over the last few days and we’re at least speaking again.
While her behavior towards the end was out of whack, I feel like I could have prevented the situation from happening if I hadn’t gotten so frustrated in the first place about being interrupted and just dropped the subject. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, what an argument over how to make a cocktail! And your mother cussing you out in front of your sisters. What a great example she is setting for them!
You know, your mom reminds me a lot of mine.
Always got angry and then yelled at my brother and me over some stupid stuff, and then accused us of talking bad about her. My brother would walk out when she was yelling at him, and then she got angrier and accused him of disrespect.
Somehow, it just didn’t occur to her that he: 1. Didn’t want to listen to that crap, and 2. Was leaving so he wouldn’t say something that he would possibly regret later. Yes, like your mom, mine could be a real piece of work.
Going forward, I’d say if your mom is going to try to argue, just tell her you don’t feel like talking right then. She’ll probably still get mad, but it will be on her. And next time she goes off, record it.
Then play it back to your dad or put it on the internet. She’ll probably get mad again, but, oh well.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was trying to make herself out to be the victim by pulling all these fake accusations.
On top of that, even reached out to her ex-husband about the situation, instead of at least letting you speak about your own experience of how to make cocktails.
Also, what a way to converse with a fellow bartender, OP’s mother.” 3V1L_5P1R1T
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds all too familiar to me. I think my mother had a hard time transitioning from having a child she could have full control over to having an adult she had to speak respectfully to.
I had to say many times ‘Do not speak to me that way. I am an adult, and I am choosing to not continue in conversations where I am not treated as an equal participant,’ and ended the conversation before it clicked. Things are generally better, but I do believe a lot of parents have a very difficult time giving up that bullying control.” GroundbreakingCow484
21. WIBTJ If I Say That My Brother Is Greedy And Disrespectful?
“Growing up, it was just me, my older brother, and my mother (who worked a low-paying job) so money was tight.
We had to often skip meals or have smaller portions because we simply could just not afford it. My mother then married so we had a lot more income and were no longer scraping by.
My brother and I were around 6 and 7 when the problems started. Ever since the influx of funds we had, he began eating a lot more.
Which of course was normal when you suddenly had access to all of this food, but he just didn’t stop. He ate the scraps off my plate, constantly eating snacks. It was normal for him to eat until he threw up till he was 10.
All of this is still continuing.
Over the years, I picked up a hobby for baking and often made baked goods. My brother always seemed to get to them before my parents and by then, they were more than half gone.
I had to bake things while he was busy or asleep and hide them. Might I add, these weren’t little batches or anything. When I baked them, I intended to make them last for 1-2 weeks. My brother finished them by the next day.
What annoyed me the most, however, was not that he would constantly eat my baking which sometimes took whole afternoons to make, it was he had never asked. Not once did he ask me, ‘hey, can I have one?’ He just took them.
Had he asked, I would have given him some.
When I continually confronted him after he ate my baking, he would just laugh and nonchalantly say sorry.
Yesterday I baked some cookies, which took me a while, for my mother.
I made 30 medium-sized cookies. I had 3, my mother had 5, and my step-dad had 2. My brother ate the rest while we were all asleep.
This might not seem like much but I am livid. I feel as though I cannot have just 1 thing to myself without him just having to take it away.
He has shouted and argued with me because I have thrown out my food that HE wanted to eat. We do not keep snacks in the house because my brother eats them too quickly.
So please tell me.
Would I be the jerk if I told him he is disrespectful and greedy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is disrespectful and greedy, but I believe this is a trauma response to going hungry as a child. I do really believe he needs therapy to deal with this. People who have starved will do things like this ie hide food under their beds, etc. So both compassion and honesty are needed. You can’t put up with this situation without change.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ by calling out his trashy behavior, but also as long your brother never got help with dealing with his problems he can not be blamed like someone who’s in full control of what they’re doing.
If your brother never was in therapy for that it’s most common he can’t really help himself. He knows he’s eating a lot and that the reason is his suffering in his childhood. But he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
He clearly didn’t develop coping skills and I assume he won’t until he gets help. That doesn’t legitimate what he’s doing!
You still have to let him know you’re mad at him, but you should do it more like a child who has done something because he didn’t learn yet how to do it right.
If you get ‘too aggressive’ he won‘t care about your feelings anymore because he feels mistreated by being blamed too harshly for something he can’t control.” MadMaid42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think your brother may have a problem that goes beyond being greedy and disrespectful.
You said your family used to have to skip meals or eat smaller portions to get by. I’m no psychologist, but I would bet that your brother is suffering from some sort of trauma from the days when you guys didn’t have much access to food and now may have a subconscious motivation to eat all he can.
You might ask your parents about getting him some counseling.
In the meantime, you could put some soap in the next item you bake, and then let him chow down. See if that doesn’t break him of this.” ChapSteve711
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reach Out To My Child's Father?
“I share a child with my ex-fiancé, I’ll call him Chad for this post (not his real name).
Our child is 3. Also, I will be referring to our child as Child for privacy reasons. In another context, Chad does pay Child support that the army forces him to. Child is on my insurance due to Chad being rushed during the enlistment period.
Chad joined the army when Child was 1. He’s been in and out of Child’s life since before Child was 1. Chad has never sent birthday/Christmas presents. One year I had to force Chad to talk to Child on their birthday.
If there was a present ‘from Chad’ I purchased the gift and wrote Chad’s name on the gift. Chad did not pick out the gifts nor knew about the gifts. The last time Child saw Chad was in October 2021 for an hour.
Chad drove to see the two of us but was asleep during his whole trip.
Chad has not called or video chatted with Child. Nor has Chad reached out to me about our son.
I’ve been the parent in Child’s life – Child lives full time with me.
Child basically doesn’t know who Chad is. I’ve tried before to make the relationship between the two happen but Chad refuses.
Communication has been rough between Chad and me. Chad has blocked me and refuses to talk to Child stating ‘Child is only 3, Child can’t talk’ and ‘I’ll speak to Child when Child is over’.
Chad also blames the lack of communication due to work. Child has some speech problems. But is doing fine for Child’s age.
We were trying to make our relationship work for Child. I loved Chad a lot. But I was stressed with work and graduating college that I pushed Chad away.
But now Chad says that I need to update him about Child and that it’s only if I reach out to him.
I told Chad that I wouldn’t reach out to him because I am doing my job as Child’s mother.
If Chad once reached out first within the last year I probably would be more open to reaching out to Chad.
AITJ for refusing to reach out to Chad about our child? I’m a mom wanting to do what’s best for my child.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Legally, you have a duty to permit him contact and give him information when he reaches out for it. You do NOT have a duty to reach out yourself. It’s Chad’s choice whether he’ll be involved, and you don’t have to keep trying to dragoon him into involvement.
As far as your child, it’s far healthier to let an uninvolved parent fade out of their life than it is for his father to keep coming in and out. It seems Chad only shows up when you force the issue, so… stop.
Especially stop pretending Chad has any involvement he doesn’t because it creates false hope for your kid that he’ll show up. Few things are harder on a kid than perpetually being disappointed that their parent will show, so not creating an expectation that he might is much, much healthier.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, parenting is not something that you choose to pick up and drop when the mood takes you. The father either puts in the effort or doesn’t get updates/any say.
The only criticism I have to give, and I truly hope you understand the importance of this, is to stop giving your child gifts ‘from’ his father.
At age 3, he is not old enough to understand this, eg like if a father had been giving gifts all his life and he was now 10, you could see how a lack of gift might make the child so upset, or feel like it’s their fault.
So if you’re setting up this expectation, it’s just going to be worse in the long run. And it’s lying to your child, even if you think it’s for the right reasons.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure you communicate what is legally needed. Do you have legal sole custody? If not go for it. This way you can make vital decisions. As a kid with a crap father? Chad has made the decision to forgo a relationship.
It is hard but there’s a strong chance your kid won’t want one since kids don’t choose to be born and Chad has abandoned you. You’re doing your best but he doesn’t want to do anything at all. 0 effort. That’s unacceptable and you cannot sustain doing everything he should.
I do think you may want to reconsider gifts from Chad. This is confusing when the parent isn’t actually there and doesn’t want you. Just give it from you. You are enough. When your kid is old enough to ask about Chad?
Then you discuss how they did not do anything wrong but their father decided to not be part of your lives. You have time to tailor how you say it to what your kid needs.
You absolutely shouldn’t forget self-care either.
It is clear you are doing your best and if this is the worst thing you ever do you are probably a saint.” FirebirdWriter
19. WIBTJ If I Confront My Coworker?
“I (24,f) started a new medical billing job in an office/research clinic at a university.
I started in February and so far so good. I’ve been a medical biller coming up 5 years. I am currently getting training from my co-worker Lisa (fake name) who is retiring in July. I will be taking over her role.
I have been taking notes, asking questions, and being open to correction or criticism. In the last past couple of weeks, I’ve been handling things on my own, helping with different projects, and learning from my other coworkers as well.
But lately, Lisa has been hot and cold with me. Mostly cold.
Lately, when I ask for help she would talk to me slowly and like a child. There were times she would train me on something new but not tell me EVERYTHING I need to know to do it correctly which led to mistakes.
She even explained how a conversation works and what to do so I won’t get ‘confused’ next time. I never interrupted any conversations she had. Which made my b***d boil, I have faced this type of treatment before from older coworkers from my last job and I would be told I was wrong to feel like that.
My supervisor and I had a check-in midway through my probation. He said he was pleased with my work and how fast I’m picking up the system. I went over some learning curves I’ve been having and how to resolve them.
After hearing that I started going over if I did anything to offend Lisa, I even asked my other coworker if I did anything wrong and she said no. I’ve been trying to focus and be more optimistic but interacting with Lisa is really stressful.
When I talked to my friends they said it seemed like sabotage or jealousy. Besides what’s going on with Lisa, I really like my new job and I’m learning a lot but if I’m doing something wrong I want to fix it.
So, WIBTJ if I confronted Lisa or spoke to my supervisor about how I’m feeling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Lisa is starting to freak out about retiring. Nothing you have done, so have a chat with your supervisor and let them know you are trying to handle this sensitively but need their advice.” No-Negotiation3152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell your supervisor that Lisa’s behavior has changed in the last few weeks. Give specific examples, and don’t use emotional descriptions. Examples of things to say are ‘Steps were omitted from the training for procedures A and B; in the past, Lisa included all steps.’ ‘Lisa’s manner has become patronizing; she explained how a conversation works so I ‘wouldn’t become confused next time.’ ‘I’m confused about Lisa’s change in behavior.
I’m not asking that she be friendly, but I do hope that I will be treated in a professional, business-like manner by my peers.'” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think speaking with Lisa will change anything, she’s being a jerk.
It may be worth letting your manager know, maybe they could set you up to learn with someone else permanently.
I’m struggling with your friend’s statement as to why Lisa would be jealous. Jealous of what and why? She’s retiring.
If anything, I’m jealous of Lisa.” Thart85
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Parents Financial Support?
“I’m 20, almost 21, and live with my grandma & aunt. My parents live together with my 16-year-old sister. My dad is retired and my mom is a lawyer, however, employed as a public attorney so doesn’t make as much as you’d think.
I’ve been working since I was 16. I started making small amounts of money doing Tarot readings online, then moving on to getting a proper job. Currently, I work in security for 50+ hours weekly.
My parents have been borrowing funds from me ever since I was 16.
I’ve been helping them pay for food and even bills. At first, I was ok with this but it started becoming an issue. I would be giving them hundreds of dollars because they couldn’t pay their bills or couldn’t afford food.
It got even worse when my grandma stopped wanting to loan them funds. It got to the point where sometimes they would even stop asking and just steal my debit card while I was asleep.
It’s not that we’re low income, they’re just horrible with finances.
They have never had a budget and at one point said budgeting is stupid. My mom is also diagnosed with bipolar and has an impulse spending problem. My sister also uses their cards to make online purchases for makeup, clothes, etc. They eat at restaurants frequently.
Everything I own I paid for. While my grandma takes care of bills, I pay for my subscriptions, phone, clothes, food, etc. My parents have not supported me financially in years.
Yesterday I refused to give them $150 because I need to save up for college classes (which they refuse to help me pay for) and they started yelling at me and saying I was letting them starve, so I was already in a bad mood.
This morning, I noticed a charge on my bank account. My dad stole my card and bought stuff to smoke (recently he started smoking again). I had enough and angrily texted my mom saying to never ask me for money again.
I understand that they’re my parents and I’m probably obligated to help them. And sometimes I feel like I should be more understanding towards my mom because I also have mental health issues. But I’m just so frustrated. They don’t even talk to me anymore unless asking for money.
I’m tired of working so hard but still having to manage my finances because they made bad choices and don’t have enough for necessities at the end of the month.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are stealing from you. You appear to say you don’t live with them, so there needs to be some separation, not allowing them access to you or your cards.
If they have the number and PIN (which you should never have given them), get it changed immediately. Tell them that the next time they steal from you, you will report it.
You’re an adult, and supporting your parents’ bad choices is not your responsibility.
Cut them off financially, and it sounds like that will cut them off entirely as they see you only as a piggy bank, and move ahead with your life.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are not ‘bad with finances’.
They make the choice to spend all kinds of money and then take some from you and sometimes steal it. Now listen to a parent here. You are young. This is the time of your life to build your life.
Parents who really love you don’t want your money. They want to take responsibility for their own actions and their own consequences and their own financial situation.
Your parents have somehow been very codependent with you and made you think that you owe them the scare.
You don’t. You will never build a life if you agree to them stealing and sneaking and demanding your income. This is really confusing I know. But what is wonderful is that you can realize that you and your grandmother have been inadvertently enabling your parents’ pathological behavior.
And for their own good and for you to respect and love yourself and honor your own life, all that nonsense needs to end and that way they will learn how to do things differently.
As by encountering the consequence of their choices.
Let them learn. You build yourself a gorgeous life.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are not obligated to help them at all. At. All. Also, your father is an idiot for stealing your bank card. Have the PIN number changed and make it mandatory (no tap) and tell your family the next time you see charges for anything you didn’t personally buy, you will be contacting the police and that’s not gonna go over well with mom’s job.” LivSaJo
17. AITJ For Not Attending My Mom's Birthday Dinner Because Of My Exams?
“I (13 female) have a mom, 35/36 female. She’s not the best but I’ve kept my cool. Just a second ago I overheard her saying this Sunday she wanted to have a birthday dinner. The issue at large. This Monday I have my final exams for 7th grade.
So, I can’t be staying up late Sunday.
I got up and respectfully broke the news to her. And my sister (15 female) said how ‘if she had to go to our moms’ friends house, despite hating him, I can give up a few hours to go’ which I told them both multiple times ‘I want to care about school for once, and prep correct fully.’ I’m very lazy and I slack in school so this is a great turnaround for me.
But my mom chooses to say ‘if it was (SO’s name) or (friend’s name) you would go, but not for me’ and called me a jerk though I said multiple times ‘I have final exams, this determines the next year for me.
Makes or breaks it.’ The worst part is, that I’m catching no breaks here. I have English exams all this upcoming week, math exams all next week, and makeups the week after. So 0 breaks.
I left and she ended up crying, my friend says I picked the right choice cause school is important, but I don’t know.
My mom made it seem like I’m in the wrong and I feel a little bad.
So, AITJ for saying I can’t go to my mom’s birthday dinner cause of exams?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think focusing on school is good, especially since, by your own admission, you were not that great of a student previously and want to do better.
Your mother wants to celebrate her birthday with you and her feelings are also valid.
As someone whose birthday celebration often ends up not being on that particular date, can you offer a rain check to your mother to celebrate with her later after your exams?
Or maybe you can do a birthday brunch at home on the same Sunday, where you make her breakfast to acknowledge her birthday, spend an hour or so with her, and then power through with your studying.” SassyBeignet
Another User Comments:
“Well, yeah YWBTJ. You could study earlier so you can take Sunday night off. As your mom said, you haven’t worried that much about exams before so suddenly making a big change right when she asks for something for herself is kind of a jerk move.
You could even ask them to move the dinner to another night rather than just saying you won’t go. Make an effort, because it’s important to her.” sparkledotcom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But certainly, your mother and your sister are.
You are sadly being raised by a child who is unable to consider your needs in this matter. That’s very sad. I really hope the time will come when you can get out of that household.” AffectionateMine2220
I was in your shoes, i put in the bare effort to graduate, and i paid for it when i went to college. I wish i could go back and make changes but you are on the right path. Keep it up. You'll thank yourself later for it.
16. WIBTJ For Giving My Child A Name My Sister-In-Law "Called Dibs" On?
“We are expecting baby number 3. When I was pregnant with my first my sister-in-law had asked me what names we were thinking of.
So I told her a list of names. One of them being Olivia. She got immediately upset and told me she wanted to name her baby that and had always liked the name. My sister in Law was not even in a relationship at this time.
Similar situation for me, it has always been a name I loved.
EDIT: My husband also loves the name. Would not pick a name he did not like! We had picked it along with another possible name for the baby until the hassle started!
My husband and I argued about it and he said I was being unreasonable and that there were other names I liked and could use. Our baby was a boy so, of course, we did not use the name.
On my second baby, my sister-in-law asked me daily what baby names I was considering but to save any aggravation I told her I would be keeping them to myself this time.
We had a girl but opted for a different name.
Fast forward to now: I am expecting number 3. Sister in law is in a relationship now but has no plans to have kids in the near future. If we have a girl this time I want to use the name as I feel it works beautifully with my two other children’s names.
WIBTJ for using the name? I feel it’s unreasonable of her to call dibs on a name that we both love. We otherwise get along great and always have but the first time I mentioned using the name she didn’t speak to me for two weeks.
My husband totally agreed with sister in law last time so I just want some outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Olivia is currently one of the most popular names to use. It’s not like it’s something unusual or distinctive.
As long as you’re comfortable with your kid having to use their surname initial after their first name all through school then you can certainly use it. (In my daughter’s class she currently has an Ashton P and an Ashton R as well as a Mia S and Mia D.)
However, your relationship with your sister-in-law will be permanently damaged, so if it’s worth it to you then go for it I guess!” WhatWasThatAbout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And boy what a manipulator, over nothing. You came up with the same name Olivia?
And just in hinting at using it, she wouldn’t talk to you for two weeks? Seriously? If that’s the case, it won’t be the first time. Or the last.
Name your baby Olivia, or, do the hard work of going through 1000 names and come up with something else that you both agree on
I would also go onto the internet and search ‘baby names’. A long-running topic here. See what other people have experienced in their families, as a result of Baby Name Wars.” Capital-Western8687
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ… You should name your child whatever you like.
People can’t put dibs on a name but to me, you have known that she likes and wants to use this name since your first child, to me if I knew that my SIL wanted to use a name for their child I might not use it as a first name maybe a middle one or find an alternative name or a double first name.
Seems kind of a jerkish move to take a name that your SIL wants to use for her future child when you know it. But that is just me. In the end, you will and can name your child whatever you want.
‘Husband thought I was considering the name just to annoy SIL.’
Do you think there is any inkling of truth in that thought?
‘My husband totally agreed with sister in law last time.’
Well, your husband no longer wants to use the name so now you have to talk to him about name options or try to get him on your side.
Try to find an agreement or compromise. Maybe you can find a different version of Oliva which would probably be Olive or you can do Alivia. You can do it as a middle name. Or you can do a double first name like Oliva-Rose.
Still get the name in some form but not just Olivia. Or you can just be like screw it, it will be Olivia and SIL can cope. LOL But you still have to get your husband to agree.” User
15. AITJ For Telling My Coworker That He Smells Bad?
“I (20F) work in a very physically demanding job with my friend (let’s call him Colby).
We all usually get to work early in the morning and immediately get to work on sorting items where we work up a sweat. At first, I didn’t mind the smell and I only got a whiff of his body odor when I was near him but later on in the day, I could smell Colby from the other side of the hallway.
I don’t have a sensitive nose at all and it became nearly impossible to not scrunch my face from the smell. I brought up what kind of deodorant I use to try to give a hint but that didn’t work.
I decided to tell him straight up so I bought some female deodorant (the old spice he uses doesn’t work AT ALL). I ripped the label off of the female deodorant and wrote ‘manly deodorant’ on there as a weird joke.
I went to him and told him ‘hey, I need to tell you this and I’m just being a bro but you smell bad… like really really bad’ and I whipped out the deodorant and gave it to him.
He said it was alright that I said that after I excessively apologized and said I didn’t mean to offend him. He even put on the deodorant I handed him, it’s like his stink went away in an instant.
I thought it was funny at the time and he even giggled at the ‘manly deodorant’ I wrote on the thing, but after a day of me thinking about the event maybe I hurt his feelings and I should have just kept working and minded my business.
I feel really bad for Colby, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hygiene is important. I am glad you said something. I used to work with a woman who smelled like death and no one, including myself, had the courage to say anything.
Luckily I have an office with a door, but the people who sat by her cubicle sometimes had to leave early because the stench made their eyes water. You were kind not to do it in front of other people and even gave him new deodorant.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s clear he would rather know and do something about it. Some folks have a strong musk. I would think you saying something is better than not. You might both benefit from looking at when you use deodorant as usually bedtime the night before is recommended. Source?
My doctors when I was getting my excessive sweating treated.” FirebirdWriter
14. WIBTJ If I Ask My Mom To Stop Talking About Her Favorite Daughter's Graduation?
“I (f22) am the oldest of four kids. My sister (f18) second oldest, is graduating this year. And has been the talk of the house for weeks. My mom and dad have spent time getting her a prom dress, shoes, and jewelry, getting her makeup done professionally, mani/pedi for her to look her best for prom, and doing the same for her graduation.
A couple of days ago my mom said that her life goals would be complete once my sister graduated and all the hard things she went through in life would be worth it if she got to see her daughter graduate.
And I told her. Hey. You know. I graduated high school too… and she then proceeded to say that I never invited her to my graduation when I remembered I did. And they told me that they would be there to cheer me on.
As the ceremony was about to start. I texted my sister if they were almost there. And after a while of texting them with no reply back. They never showed up.
Forward to now. They want me to do my sister’s hair for her prom and attend her graduation.
They basically stood me up on my graduation day on the school’s football field…
WIBTJ if I tell them to stop talking about her graduation when they couldn’t even attend mine? Maybe explain to them that they’re making me feel like crap and that it feels like my accomplishment was just expected of me and not congratulate me as much as they congratulate my sister and praise her for her hard work when I did the same?
To give you guys context. I was in foster care up until the age of 18. On my own and still achieved graduating high school when I had no one to look out for me but myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your feelings are understandable. You and mom really need to have a talk about this, because it is just going to eventually drive you away. But if your mom is in denial so she won’t have to deal with the way she neglected you, I guess you can’t expect too much from her.
Asking you to do your sister’s hair and attend her graduation is asking too much of you. You really don’t have to do these things. Since your mom is so gushy about this, she can do your sister’s hair.
But what about your sister?
What are your feelings towards her? I don’t mean to downplay your feelings; as I said, I can very much understand why you feel the way you do. But I would advise you not to neglect one family member because another one neglected you.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. This is not about your sister. This is about your relationship with your mother. Don’t make your sister’s graduation/achievements about your bitterness. It’s petty and you will regret it because the person you’ll be hurting is your sister, not your mom.
Be the bigger person and let your sister have this, as you should have.
You should of course tell your mom how you feel about being stolen of this milestone. You may never get a satisfying apology from her, but strive for making it to a place in life where you won’t need her acknowledgment to feel good about yourself.” OkHistory3944
Another User Comments:
“This is such a sad story. My heart goes out to you.
It’s pointless asking them to not talk about the graduation. You know, and I know, that they are not going to comply and will try to make you feel even more awful about it than you already feel.
Your own graduation story brought tears to my eyes. It’s almost impossible to believe that there are such inadequate and terrible parents still doing things like this to their children.
You’re going to have to take the moral high ground here.
You’re going to have to******* up and go along with your sister’s day. Unless you can move out and go no contact, this is your only option.
Looking forward – a therapist will help you with the maltreatment you’ve received. Moving out asap will also help and finally, going no contact will protect you from further trauma.
You’ve had a trashy deal. However, don’t let it cloud the rest of your life. It’s their mess, not yours. Know that in your heart.
NTJ” SassyPieHole173
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Sister-In-Law's Gender Reveal Party?
“My husband and I got married in October and didn’t expect all family to show up and some didn’t as a preface to this cause it comes in later. My sister-in-law is a 19-year-old first-year college student and got pregnant announcing it in January.
She had stated she did NOT want a gender reveal at all and ONLY wanted a baby shower. Suddenly she decides to have a gender reveal party at the end of May.
My husband and I have plans we’re awaiting dates for as his friend from New Zealand is coming to visit and staying with us next month or in June.
I’m waiting for a date for a Celebration of Life for someone like a dad to me that could happen anytime next month. She gets upset when we say maybe and says we HAVE to go because she took time off from school for our wedding so we can set aside time for her but won’t let us explain we have other things that we’ve known about since before her party was scheduled. She’s been guilt tripping and now even her dad is saying we HAVE to go.
My husband and I still live with his dad right now. We’re basically gonna be forced to do something we don’t want to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Even if you had months and months of notice, you have every right to turn down the invitation.
Word of advice for the future, whenever you are unsure about whether you’ll be attending something, respond with, ‘I’ll try my best to be there.’ It usually doesn’t get brought up again unless you bring it up to turn it down.
This way, you don’t have to deal with this unnecessary drama before you even know whether you’ll be able to attend.” lc_2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Time off for a wedding that was planned months ahead of time allowed her to be able to do it.
She didn’t have plans set in stone first and decided to join.
A wedding is a lot different than a gender reveal.
She is just making it all about her, which I suspect she has always done and will continue to do.
If she is going to throw your wedding in your face, I wouldn’t even feel guilty.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean… she said she didn’t want one… and now suddenly wants it… And you had potential plans decided BEFORE it.
As well as… Just because she went to your wedding does not mean you have to go to any of her things. You don’t owe it to her.” xEnraptureX
12. AITJ For Being Mad That My Partner Sleeps Without Saying "Goodnight"?
“My partner and I have been together for just over a year and a half, we both still live at home because we’re still in college and money is tight.
We go to school in neighboring states but we still see each other often. Over the course of our relationship, he’s fallen asleep without saying goodnight many times, though over the past few months it’s been nearly every night.
We used to have our nightly routine of saying we loved each other and wishing each other a good sleep but now that’s just stopped.
My partner has never been a night owl, so I don’t blame him for wanting to go to sleep early, but I feel like I’ve become so uninteresting he doesn’t think I deserve a goodnight.
He used to apologize in the morning, but now he just completely disregards it. He just falls off the grid at like 6 PM and shows up again the next morning.
The part that makes me the saddest is that I have chronic depression and can fall into episodes that can last weeks, and, when they get their worst, he used to stay up with me to make sure I got to sleep in one piece.
Now, he offers to stay up and disappears less than ten minutes later.
I’ve talked to him about it a few times, I’ve asked him even just to give me a warning if he feels he’s getting to that point, but nothing.
And whenever I bring it up, it seems to double the chance of him doing it for the next little while.
I just feel like a piece of trash for being upset about it because, from what he has told me, he can’t help it.
But it just makes me sad. Am I the jerk?
Edit for some extra information and some clarity within the post: he’s not a very affectionate person. He used to be but lately, saying goodnight is the only time I can get an ‘I love you’ out of him.
I might be paranoid but for me, it feels like not hearing it (or not hearing it often) means it’s not there.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Maybe I’m reading too into it, but it sounds like you two are beginning to drift apart.
That’s okay! If the relationship comes to an end, you’ll heal. You’ll find another person, and if that doesn’t work, there will be another one after that, etc.
Each time, you get closer to finding the right kind of person for you and eventually you find a relationship that JUST WORKS.
I’m sure there are a lot of small things your partner does that bother you and make you feel less valuable, but you push past it because ‘that’s what a relationship is all about.’ That’s not what a relationship is all about.
Some of it is disposition though; sounds like you need the sort of partner who is naturally very affectionate. No shame to your partner, it sounds like he’s just feeling a little exhausted keeping up with your wide range of emotions, but that’s generally an indication that you’re just not right for each other.
Some people would prefer for the deep stuff to go unsaid, and talking about it a lot makes them feel suffocated. Others and it sounds like you’re in this camp, feel a strong need to express themselves and need a partner who can reciprocate.
I don’t think anyone’s a jerk here.” BrydenWright
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards YTJ because you outright say he’s not a night owl then complain he’s not staying up late to talk or say goodnight. If you can’t accept him as himself maybe he’s not for you; everyone deserves to be accepted as their real self.” ServelanDarrow
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can see why this bothers you, but I also think you need to adjust your expectations. It would be nice if he tried to say goodnight regularly. I mean, I can’t imagine he’s falling asleep spontaneously every single night, is he?
There have to be nights that he intentionally turns off the lights and gets into bed knowing he is going to sleep, and on those nights it should be easy to text you goodnight. But I also understand his side of things, as I used to be in a relationship where I was the early bird and my partner was the night owl, and I often had to defend myself for falling asleep early.
Maybe try to find a compromise that he’s capable of keeping up with that will also satisfy you. Perhaps he can text you the first time he yawns and says ‘Just in case I fall asleep, I wanted to tell you I love you and goodnight.’ Or he can text you first thing in the morning.
Try not to turn this simple act into a burden for him, though.” karmaleeta
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t think either of you is the jerk. But, you do come off as extra needy and clingy. Something I learned a long time ago, and I’ve continued to live by it since then, is the statement that ‘Just because he doesn’t love you the way you want to be treated, doesn’t mean he’s not loving you with everything he has.’ Keep that in mind.
Maybe he’s loving you to the best of his ability. Good luck love. Hope y’all get this one thing figured out.” MechanicMel84
11. AITJ For Making My Friend Feel Invalidated?
“My best friend and I got into a fight some days ago. She suddenly stopped replying to me and I knew something was wrong cause she had never done something like this before.
I asked her what was wrong and she kept giving fake excuses as to what was wrong.
After a lot of tries, she sent me a reel that said ‘it hurts when people invalidate your problems’ and I knew at that moment this was what was wrong.
I asked her when have I ever done this and that I’d never do this to her. She said I probably don’t realize. I asked since when has she been feeling this way? She said for a while and I said why didn’t she tell me this before, only if she would have told me I’d have known and stopped doing certain things which made her feel that way.
She said ‘I can’t say all this to people’ and I was like bruh what? She said I keep telling ‘my drama stories’ to her and then she thinks it’s better if she doesn’t tell hers.
When she tells me her problems I listen to them attentively, give advice if needed, and then I tell her about something similar that happened to me so she can relate but never have I ever invalidated her problems. We have been friends for 10 years and yes I am extra sometimes and if she would have told me this bothers her I’d have improved but now she lashed out at me and is giving me the silent treatment and ghosting me for being, well, me.
I also apologized to her genuinely and said it was never my intention to make her feel that way and it’s hurting me to have hurt her. I asked her where do we stand and if are we still best friends and she said ‘you are not supposed to be best friends with someone who you fight with all the time’.
I thought yes you fight with your best friends but they still remain your best friends at the end of the day.
This really hurt me cause she didn’t tell me this was bothering her and now she just got mad at me for something I didn’t even know I did.
She thinks me telling my stories is me competing with her, which is NOT the case. For eg: once she told me about a guy she liked and how he only likes friends with benefits and hookups and how he was talking bad about girls.
So I told her she should move on and that these playboys would only hurt her in the end. Then I said something about myself that ‘I know am not the best person to give advice about moving on considering I haven’t moved on from a guy either but I have talked to these playboys and they just hurt you in the end cause I have been there.’ She thinks this is me invalidating her problems. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First of all. You and your best friend are not on the same level emotionally.
You are self-aware, self-reflecting, able to take accountability, and able to apologize.
Your best friend does not share your emotional intelligence. She has been passive-aggressive in her responses by ‘ghosting’ you.
She’s been unable to tell you what her problem is until you’ve had to force it out of you and now when you’re trying your best to be understanding, she’s still being salty about it.
This is someone who is unable to communicate in a healthy way.
You need to think about this very carefully. You are attempting to be friends with someone with the emotional literacy of a young child. It’s not her fault, there was probably emotional neglect in her family and her needs were not listened to and so she does not have the knowledge or the tools to communicate effectively.
This can be a very frustrating situation (as you are discovering) and you need to consider how far you take this friendship as, until she accepts her limitations and finds help for them, these situations with you having to guess what’s wrong will continue.
Only you know how much of this you can cope with.
We attract people who are at our level emotionally and sometimes, even when we care deeply for another, we have to let those go who are not on our level.
You can try to make some boundaries with her but truly, she needs a lot of work on herself to be able to see boundaries in a positive way. My guess is that she will play the victim. This is all she knows.
She’s not a bad person – she just hasn’t had the training to do anything else.
It’s tough huh?
NTJ.” SassyPieHole173
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Full Rent With My First Paycheck?
“Both my husband (37m) and I (32f) are freelancers and work from home.
In 2021, my husband got new clients and started earning 5x his salary. We lived in a nice tenement but once he started earning more he started to hate it. He said he needed more space and a better bathroom and that if we work from home we need a bigger place.
He started looking for apartments and settled on this 4-bed 250m penthouse duplex. It was gorgeous but too big and more than double our rent.
I didn’t agree to it because in our 2-bed he never helped with the cleaning and when I asked him to clean, it would end in a fight or a two-day thing before he finally picked up a broom.
I knew the house would cause more problems and I would be left with the cleaning. Plus, it was so expensive. I certainly couldn’t afford it. I didn’t want to move but he insisted and promised that we would get some help and he would take care of the rent.
Just like I predicted, he never helped with the cleaning and said that I should cover the cost of a weekly cleaner seeing as he paid the rent. By this time, my husband hired me as a copywriter for his clients and had me on a fixed salary.
Obviously, I knew how much his clients were paying him but because ‘I didn’t pay the rent’ I wasn’t getting my full cut. Fine, I don’t pay rent. I’m okay with that. I find it unfair but can’t be bothered to argue about it.
Fast forward to last month, I got a new gig and stopped working for my husband. This new job gives me 3x what I used to earn with my husband.
He would check on me almost daily and start counting all the hours I was working.
He’s constantly asking ‘how much are you making this month?’ Remember, this is the first month with my new clients. So, by the 3rd or 4th time I asked him outright ‘why are you so concerned with how much I’m making?’ And he responds with ‘I think you should pay this month’s rent seeing as I’ve been taking care of it for 12 months!’
I was shocked! Like, the WHOLE rent? Not even halfsies? I need to add that the rent is two 3rds of my first salary and my salary is not fixed, I’m still freelancing and invoicing an hourly rate. My husband is way more comfortable than me.
He has lots of funds stored in crypto, he has an apartment in Berlin that he rents out, a whole company, and has savings. I have neither of those things and no savings to my name.
I told him not to guilt me or corner me into paying for something that I didn’t agree to.
If you need help, let’s talk about it. He started bringing up holidays, trips, etc, and threw everything in my face.
Now it’s day 2 he’s not speaking to me and I honestly don’t know what to say or do.
So I need clarity and some advice. AITJ or is he?
Update: He apologized! He came up to me and said that he’d been thinking about how he approached it and doesn’t think he communicated well.
In a nutshell, he doesn’t think that I should be paying for the whole rent but he does believe I should be contributing towards rent and bills because I’m earning more now.
I agreed to contribute and suggested we have a joint account where we put 30% of our wages that can go toward the house and any other big purchases.
I also told him that I needed to be considered more when it comes to decisions and that we should go to counseling so we can work towards being a real team.
I told him that I don’t feel like I have a voice and that if we don’t seek professional help, might as well scrap this whole marriage and go on about our lives. He said, ‘Okay, as long as you pay for it.’ Just kidding.
He agreed so now we’re googling top 10 relationship counselors in the area.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That’s a spoiled child, not a husband and if anyone should be giving anyone the cold shoulder it’s you because he’s literally being insane.
Forced you to move, forced you to take care of everything, forced you to work for whatever he was willing to pay, and now that you aren’t under his thumb he wants to take your money? Nope, you gotta run and you gotta run far away from this insanity.” Maiidesuu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here but your husband sure is. You were underpaid while under him, and now he’s seeking to keep you destitute while he is financially making big decisions without your input weighing equally—but you’re responsible for these decisions he’s unilaterally backing you into?
On what planet is this fair? Nope. 30% of bills would be reasonable if the bills were something you both agreed to take on but he’s signed you both up for a large expense and you’re taking on labor work too?
Pfft. You’re getting the raw end of this deal.” totalitarianbnarbp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He got the fancy penthouse, saying he would cover all the rent. And you do all of the housework. So, he’s responsible for all of the rent.
It feels like your husband isn’t as good with finances as he claims to be, and that he probably borrows and spends too much. I highly recommend that you keep some of your funds in an account in just your name to which he doesn’t have access and prepare for your future (rainy day emergency fund, retirement, etc…).” teresajs
9. AITJ For Snooping Through My Daughter's Phone?
“My (46f) daughter, we’ll call her Tara (17f), has been acting out a lot this year.
She’s in her senior year of high school and basically acting like she’s already left home (she’s planning to leave for university in the fall). She hasn’t been spending much time with the family and when she joins on things like movie nights she plays on her Nintendo switch instead of watching with everyone else.
Tara’s always been a good kid. Honor roll student, extracurriculars, work. Then all of a sudden this year things just changed. She’s been fighting with me and her sisters a lot (normally she’s respectful if not sometimes a bit overly sensitive) and she’s out of the house so much we never see her.
We’ve had to call her school a number of times because she comes home ‘sick’ halfway through the day. Not surprising that her grades have dropped.
Most importantly, recently I noticed she had some cuts on her arm. I’ve watched Tara go through some bad breakups in the last couple of years so I think that’s been affecting her mental health.
My husband and I love our daughters very much and would do anything to protect them. We tried to get her into therapy but Tara didn’t answer the therapist’s phone call and then never got back to her so the ball just kinda got dropped.
Anyways, the actual story happened about a week ago. Tara had an out-of-town dance competition and the team often takes a bus to these. I chaperone a lot of the competitions so I was with them. While Tara was warming up I went back onto the bus and went through her phone.
I know how that can come off but I was worried my daughter might do something really awful to herself. I didn’t find much in her talking about her mental state but I found a lot of messages with her current partner about how she hates me and is never coming home again after she leaves.
She even told him that I romanticized the marks on her arm which I definitely didn’t (I gave her some oil to prevent them from scarring and told her they might represent something to her but she shouldn’t keep them).
After all that, I sent her a text telling her that I love her and all I’ve ever done is love her. Once the day was done and we got back she immediately found a friend to hang out with and didn’t come back until late.
She’s barely been home all week. My husband agrees that I had to go through her phone in order to protect her but I doubt she sees that. I guess I’d rather her hate me and at least be alive.
AITJ?
EDIT: A couple of people have asked about the nature of our relationship. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I’ve always been hands-on. I drive her everywhere, I volunteer at her school and extracurriculars, etc. Everyone tells me I’m an awesome mom because of this and also because she’s so high achieving.
I guess a while ago she said she can’t remember a time when I’ve apologized to her but I can remember plenty. She also said I’ve let her older sister bully her for most of her life but siblings fight (and she really does overreact often), there’s not much you can do to prevent that.
She’s a good kid though and doesn’t that kind of reflect on me as a parent?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most of the issues you describe are non-issues. She is 17. She doesn’t want to be forced to hang out with the family.
This is pretty normal.
Leaving school sick, dropping grades are big issues. Why did you not pursue therapy? When is the last time you took her to the doctor for a physical? Have you sat down and asked her questions about her leaving school early or how she got the cuts?
So far it sounds like your actions have only been: Get her a therapy appointment that you didn’t bother to make sure she attended, gave her some ointment, snoop on her phone, and send a passive-aggressive text message. You snooped through her phone and got absolutely no info.
You broke her trust for nothing. It should have been your last resort, not the thing you do because you don’t want to take real action, have real conversations and follow through. You seem more concerned about her being angry at you than anything else.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I appreciate from your perspective she’s high performing and you’re doing a great job because you do all the school stuff. However, what is missing here is an understanding of anything from your daughter’s view.
And actually, it doesn’t sound as though anything in your daughter’s life is her own.
I don’t think it’s ok to go through someone’s phone without permission. I understand why you did, but that doesn’t stop it from being a violation of her privacy.
I am very concerned by your note about giving her oil for her cuts. Why do you think giving her oil to stop scarring is the solution? And to forget about therapy? Everything about your post suggests you have a daughter who feels overwhelmed, pressured, ignored, and deeply unhappy.
YTJ for ignoring her feelings, not getting her help, and generally being a complete narcissist. Because, let’s be honest, if you were really concerned you would have made an effort long before now, rather than just having a snoop.” cheesypotato34
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why couldn’t you help her go through therapy, why couldn’t you talk to her and ask about everything about the cuts, why doesn’t she want to stay home more with family, why does she hate you, YOU should tell her you looked in her phone without permission and EXPECT a fight, when someone was always bullied by a sibling you just think it’s normal?
You are not a good parent and should be ashamed, what you did was an invasion of privacy and what would you EXPECT? She can delete any messages she’s not comfortable with. Be ashamed for not being good enough for your child, you have to start to talk more with her and improve your relationship with her because clearly, you did not give us all info about why she hates you.
I might have said harsh words but a grown-up woman should understand what is best for her child. The Biggest YTJ.” Alessio3002
I'm in two minds. You may be a terrible mother to her and have no insight into how your behaviour has shaped her. Your expectations may be unrealistic and you may be very controlling.
Or she has some serious mental health issues. She may have some trauma but it feels like trauma to her but isn't to anyone else (bit like pain is different for everyone). She may also have some undiagnosed neurodiversities and has just struggled since puberty. Bright girls can sometimes mask really well and develop coping strategies at school and the wheels fall off at 14/15. She could also have a developing personality disorder.
A parent desperate to help their child would not be seen as unreasonable to look through their phone if the situation presented itself. She needs some help. She's clearly self harming. The hard part is that you can't force her to see someone. And if she does agree to see someone you need to step back and let the therapist help her. You have no right to know what it discussed at the sessions unless your daughter agrees that the therapist can talk to you.
8. AITJ For Getting Up Mid-Game?
“I’m a season ticket holder for two hockey teams and go to a ton of games. Typical etiquette at games is not to go to your seats or leave your seats while the game is in play.
Actually, ushers will stop you from going to your seats. Once there’s a stop in play they let you go to your seats. I was recently at a game in a smaller minor league arena. It was near the end of the period, one minute left, and there was a stop in play.
The ice cleaners actually came out to clean the ice. If you haven’t been to a game before this process takes a couple of minutes.
My son and I got up to head to the concourse while they were cleaning the ice.
Since it’s a small arena we easily make it to the top before gameplay started again. When we got to the end of our row the lady in the aisle seat got nasty with me for making her get up.
I was seriously surprised. AITJ here? I honestly don’t think so because the only thing happening on the ice was cleaning but her response makes me wonder.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to get up and not complain.
There are other people at the arena trying to get up and sit down. Ridiculous!” Triplicated
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it’s kinda rude with 1ish min left in the period unless your bladder is exploding. She deserves not to have to deal with you cutting across like that when waiting just a min wouldn’t be the end of the world, but as another said, you never know why someone is getting up.
All in all, if it’s a small arena like you say, just wait next time, think about what it would feel like in reverse, and besides you’re there to watch the game.” JeffFerox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know bowling etiquette but have never been to a hockey game.
I don’t see myself ever going to one, but this is good to know just in case.” Thart85
7. AITJ For Getting Upset About My Partner Going Out?
“My (19M) partner (20F) and I have been long-distance for nearly 3 years now. She tends to get jealous about me being friends with other girls because her anxiety tends to lead to her assuming the worst of new people (this is something that has never bothered me I would consider myself pretty understanding and am always willing to help her calm down).
We’re both decently introverted, but she is definitely the more outgoing out of the two of us. Neither of us tends to go out a lot to bars or clubs cause it’s just not usually our thing; however, she does drink more than I do which has never been a big problem for me.
It’s her life she can do what she wants. Where my personal issues come in is that I do get jealous when she goes drinking with her friends while I just sit around in my room. I try not to voice my jealousy because I don’t want her to feel bad about having fun.
So last night she went out with a group of friends for her friend’s 21st birthday. This was her first time going out to a club in the 3 years she’s been in college. As normal when she hangs out with her friends, I just tell her to have a good time and let her do her own thing.
At around 2:30 am she calls me to just talk about her night and that she’s at her friend’s house where she plans to sleep for the night. She started talking about the club she went to and that a married man was flirting with her.
She went on to say that she wanted to try and get him to buy her a drink but never did. I asked if she was flirting with him and she never really gave me a straight answer, just saying that she was just being a nice southern girl.
This bothered me a bit but I didn’t want to start anything right then because she was still wasted and with her friends.
AITJ for getting upset about this or is that just normal club behavior? I know she would never do anything, it just irks me a little that she will get jealous about any girl that comes into my line of sight but she can go flirt with married men and think nothing of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and there’s clearly a double standard here. I can see though that if the first thing she wanted to do when she got back from her night was call you, that’s a really good sign.
Guys are going to flirt with her and when you’re wasted it’s hard to tell if you’re flirting yourself sometimes, or just making conversation.
And guys buy you drinks a lot when you’re that age. When they offer, I always said I have a partner, and 50% of the time they offer to buy him one too.
I think your issue is the double standard.” 19louie82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude your feelings are 100% valid. She’s in the wrong especially if she tries to avoid giving you a straight answer. You should really say something about it so she knows you’re concerned. It’s borderline infidelity, in my opinion.
If she gets heated about it I say red flags on her.” redhextress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but it’s a good thing she told you about it even if it makes you jealous. It shows she’s not hiding anything.
I would not be mad at her though, she did not go through with getting him to buy her a drink.” buttpickles99
You got together when you were 16. How much time do you actually spend with each other. If you regularly see each other - even it's once a month. If you haven't seen her for months and your entire relationship is via phone and messages... then she may be moving on with the people she hangs out with and sees every day.
6. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Wash Their Hands More Often?
“My partner feels uncomfortable washing their hands.
They don’t like soap or disinfectant gel and in a way, I understand that, but I just don’t feel comfortable knowing they went to the toilet, sat on a train, and to the shop before touching my face (for example) without at least wiping their hands at one point throughout the day.
Yesterday we came home from the fair where we spent a couple of hours, and because I knew they weren’t going to wash their hands I went over to them with hand gel and they got really cross. They told me it feels like I’m forcing them to wash their hands even though they don’t want to and don’t feel the need. When I tried explaining why I think it’s normal to wash your hands whenever you’ve been out or have done certain things they replied that ‘most people’ only wash their hands when they’re really dirty or in obvious need but I feel really gaslit when it comes to that.
Isn’t this basic hygiene? Am I being overly dramatic? I don’t know and don’t want to make my partner feel uncomfortable.
Edit: I didn’t want to specify my partner’s gender or pronouns but since a lot of people seem to think they are a ‘he’, this is actually about my wife.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner is revolting and that would be a deal breaker for me. Are you saying that they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? That’s disgusting and to be honest, so are you, I could never ever be with someone with such low standards of personal hygiene, can you imagine the germs they have got on you?” bbbeepp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This chick is disgusting. And she’s trying to gaslight you into believing other people don’t wash their hands? In 2022? Unreal. That would be a deal breaker for me. Think of all the ick she’s bringing into your home.
The doorknobs, the groceries, etc. Nothing is safe. You let her touch your face?
I’m not a clean freak by any stretch (total slob actually) but I wash my hands every time I enter the house because my steering wheel skeeves me out.
It feels like the clearinghouse for every germ I come in contact with during the day and I don’t want to bring that into my house.” NotThisAgain21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is basic hygiene to wash hands regularly.
And it is more than reasonable to expect basic hygiene standards from an intimate partner – when one partner is unhygienic and has contact with their partner, that can have serious health consequences for their partner, which is disrespectful & unfair.
I’m curious how often you get sick or have infections.
Your wife is just gross… this would be a deal-breaker for me. Why does it make her uncomfortable? Is she neurotypical?” Raffles2020
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Niece At My Wedding?
“I (F32) am getting married to my fiance (F31) in a few weeks.
About 4 months ago, we sent out invites to our friends and families to come. Luckily, all of our friends and family live close enough to where we want to get married.
We have imposed a rule where children under 14 are not allowed to be at the wedding.
We don’t want to run the risk of screaming children at our wedding. Some family members have decided not to come because they have young children between 2-8. This is fine with us. Although, this has caused an uproar with my brother, Caleb (M36), and SIL, Sarah (F34).
Together, they have 2 children (Ben 17M, Sofie13F). Ben is quite well-behaved and pleasant to be around.
On the other hand, Sofie is a nightmare. She screams and has a lot of tantrums. Caleb and Sarah tend to give into Sofie’s demands after she screams at them because of what she wants.
Every year, she gets the latest iPhone and every 2-3 years gets the newest Macbook and iPad. She’s also super into fashion and loves to only wear luxury clothing. If she can’t get new luxury clothing, she will yell at them for hours and try to get other family members to convince her parents to buy her new things.
Because Sofie is like this, we have decided to not make an exception for her. My family has been blowing up my phone saying that I should make an exception for Sofie just so that Caleb and Sarah don’t have to put up with her tantrums. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your fault your brother and SIL have enabled the behavior and the subsequent tantrums. If she was well behaved I’d lean towards letting her attend, but you don’t deserve or need that stress.
Her tantrums are the result of your brother and SIL’s actions — they’re reaping what they’ve sowed. You don’t have to join them in their bad parenting by giving in to a ridiculous tantrum. Enjoy your wedding, but I’d be prepared they may try to bring her anyways.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions, or lack thereof, meet consequences. You raise your daughter to be a tyrant brat, your daughter isn’t going to be welcome to events that she will likely ruin because they aren’t all about her and her wants.
Let your brother and SIL be mad, but know that is absolutely a them-problem and you have done nothing wrong. I bet their son would love a day away from princess Sofie too.
Maybe just invite your nephew and leave the rest of them to unravel in the misery of their own creating.
They have done their daughter a great disservice by not addressing this long ago. She’s going to have a rough time adjusting to adulthood where no one will deal with her theatrics because they are adults and don’t have to.
Just like you. Go make your wedding about you and your fiancé, ignore the rest. Congratulations and well wishes!” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and SIL need to learn that when they won’t parent their child, eventually the world will step up and do it for them, and it’ll be by way of excluding their child for her trashy behavior.
Also though, be aware that they may try to just show up with Sofie and expect you to cave at the last minute rather than expel her to her face. Maybe make it clear to them that if they try to bring her, Ben can stay as he’s blameless, but they will be asked to leave and take her with them.” BorderlineBadBrain
4. AITJ For Moving Out Of The House?
“I (18M, still in school) live in a fairly crowded house.
There’s my little sister (15), 3 cousins (13, 11, 7, all M) there’s my mum (43), and my mum’s parents (somewhere between 60 and 70). Dad lives elsewhere, my folks are split.
My uncle flew in from England a few days ago and he came with his wife and newborn baby.
Before my uncle and his wife came around, my family spent a lot repainting the house, removing the carpets, buying new furniture, and just making the house look perfect for my uncle’s wife’s arrival. My family is African, and my uncle married an English woman.
Ever since my uncle arrived, my family (except myself and my little sister) have been doing all kinds of nonsense that they never used to do. They suddenly speak with an English accent. They’ve suddenly started having game night and family dinner at the dining room table.
They have started being overly kind to everyone.
They don’t allow us to speak our native language in the house (not that we do all the time… just that sometimes I forget the English word). They have made me put a lot of my schoolwork and my actual job on hold to spend more time with my uncle and his wife — but my mum also yells at me for not working hard enough.
I’ve been driving them around ever since they arrived.
Now, I love my uncle to bits, he’s my favorite (and only living) uncle. I just can’t handle the way my family has suddenly switched up. My family is responsible for A LOT of the trauma I have developed. I see a professional for help.
The fact that they have suddenly become this wholesome family is just unsettling because where was this love when I really wanted to feel it? I started feeling overwhelmed by this sudden change and I went to my dad’s place.
(Since I’m 18, I don’t need permission to travel to my father’s place.)
My mum started blowing up my phone asking why I left, and I told her it was because I can’t handle the way that she changed for her brother.
It’s happened in the past and as soon as my uncle leaves, she’s going to change back to the same woman who is the reason why I’m seeing a therapist. Everything she’s been doing in the last couple of days has been for approval from my uncle.
She has got this desire to please people. When I asked why my family made such a big deal about their arrival that they had to clean, paint and replace all the furniture, they said, AND I QUOTE, ‘we can’t embarrass ourselves in front of a white woman.’
Another reason why I left is that there were a lot of people in the house and not nearly enough space. We’re constantly stepping on each other’s toes and no one is happy.
My uncle sees this and understands where I’m coming from, and he suggested I go to my dad’s, but I feel bad for actually having left. I feel like I made him feel unwelcome.
So, am I the jerk?
NOTE: I refer to my aunt as my uncle’s wife and not my aunt because she doesn’t enjoy being referred to as an aunt… makes her feel old.
Edit: My uncle also called my mother and grandparents out for wanting to please people so much.
He believes it’s toxic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have the legal right to live wherever you want. But you asked if moving out makes you the jerk. I say no.
Your mother’s home is dysfunctional, and when your uncle shows up, it’s hypocritical. And I don’t see how you’re being a jerk to your uncle.
He sympathizes and he’s the one who suggested you live with your father. Your uncle sounds like a wise man.
Your mother is probably bent out of shape because without you in the house, she will have to start taking care of her own kids.
I suspect you were made responsible for the care of your younger sibling and cousins. Am I right?
Regardless, my vote stays the same.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, absolutely not! I’m so glad for you to have an opportunity to get out of this messy situation.
Your uncle and his wife are the ones your mother worries about and they approve of you leaving – you can always remind her of that.
Stay at your dad’s and focus on therapy and school. Best of luck to you.” Schnathania
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your mother said about not wanting to be embarrassed in front of a white woman makes me so uncomfortable and cringe so hard it hurts. She needs to get out of that frame of mind, it’s such a disservice.” Thart85
3. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Think He Should Hang Out With His Friend Anymore?
“My (29F) husband (29M) has many friends. Most of his friend group is made up of his friends from college. However, my husband has one friend from his hometown that I am not a fan of.
To give some backstory, my husband’s hometown friend hurts him constantly.
And not just in a joking way, my husband has been burned, concussed, and even sustained sprained joints during various activities hanging out with said ‘friend’, with no apologies given afterward. Verbal harassment is also common, with the friend lashing out and saying hurtful things, then backtracking saying that he is joking.
The weird part is that this friend does buy my husband presents out of the blue, is the only one of his friends that says I love you, and gives him hugs. It’s just such an odd relationship in my mind, but I digress.
My husband seems oblivious to the bad treatment, and just constantly laughs and seems to have a grand old time with his friend. I’ve never understood the dynamic, I haven’t said much about it to him other than general comments of disapproval, but I’ve definitely not given him the full story on how much I don’t like him because of the injuries and harassment.
So the other night at dinner, my husband mentioned he would be hanging with the friend and I stated that he should be careful because this friend doesn’t come across as much of a friend. My husband kept pressing me on what I meant and I then said that I thought my husband shouldn’t be friends with a person that treats him absolutely horribly.
My husband said in his words ‘that’s just how guy relationships are sometimes’ and they have been friends a long time, and asked if I was seriously implying he should end the friendship. I said yes because his friend treats him horribly.
My husband kind of laughed at me and told me that I don’t have to like his friend, but he wouldn’t be throwing a 20-year friendship away over my thoughts.
This isn’t an argument or anything like that, but I can definitely tell that what I said to my husband about his friend hurt his feelings a bit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – your husband is disappointed you don’t like his friend, but he does understand why you would feel that way.
Your husband getting injured while hanging out with his friend isn’t that uncommon or surprising.
They grew up together, they probably got in all sorts of trouble growing up together as well.
Now in my friend group, we insult each other all the time, granted we take it a bit far sometimes, but to us, a good insult is an expression of love for each other and we’re all into dark humor.
I’m guessing your husband’s friendship with this guy is quite similar.
You are well within your right to not like his friend or the way they act with each other, but as long as you don’t try to stop him from seeing him there isn’t anything wrong with that.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, yea YTJ. You aren’t there for these instances to even know how serious or joking things are for one. It honestly sounds like things are always meant jokingly, and accidents just happen. It doesn’t seem like the friend is intentionally hurting your husband.
Plus… You cannot tell people who they can and can’t be friends with. It’s not like your husband is forcing you to hang out with the guy…” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honesty is the best policy. You didn’t draw a line but stated your legitimate concerns.
You don’t have to like him but take care you don’t make it an issue. He’s an adult. He gets to choose his own friends as long as this person does not hurt you.” badlyedited
Does your husband have any other friends that treat him like this guy? Does he not recognise what's happening? He may not as he's used to this sort of behaviour from him. Is the friend actually physically hurting him or is it him getting hurt because of the activities that they are doing together.
The verbal abuse is more of an issue.
I'd ask your husband to make sure he has good insurance as you are just protecting your family for when he gets seriously hurt by his 'friend'. That might make him think a little about it.
2. WIBTJ If I Report My Boss?
“So the auto shop I (22 F) work at got a new manager.
I’ve been there for 4 years. I applied to go from cashier to technician. I asked the new manager about the position, and he said ‘Ah no, you’re too good out at the counter.’ It really annoyed me but I just thought, ‘wow what a jerk’ and went on.
Then he hired the new guy, (another cashier that I trained) to be a technician.
This guy has been there a few months at best. Nobody was interviewed for the position at all, it was just given to the new guy.
After speaking with another coworker about it they told me that it is sexist since I wasn’t even considered but it was given to a man straight out and that I should report him for it. The report could get him in some deep trouble, and I’d feel bad if I cost the dude his job.
But at the same time I’m pretty annoyed that he didn’t consider me for the position at all, yet straight out gave it to the new guy. WIBTJ for reporting him for this?
Edit to add: I have experience working on vehicles since childhood.
My grandfather is a (now retired) mechanic and taught me a lot over the years of helping him work in his shop. The new guy and I have spoken about car experience/knowledge and he told me outright that he ‘didn’t really have experience working on cars other than radios.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, as it is going to be hard to prove I would approach it from another angle.
‘This guy has been there a few months at best. Nobody was interviewed for the position at all, it was just given to the new guy.’
Every job should have some form of formal interview process to avoid accusations of nepotism. Seeing as they skipped this, you have grounds to complain.
You are a more senior member of staff than the guy that was promoted. You have far more experience at the company.
Therefore it makes sense that you would be favorable to be hired over someone that’s been there only a few months. It doesn’t matter how good you are at your current job, halting your progression within a company and promoting others with far less experience is grounds for an unfair claim.
Discrimination probably plays a part. It often does in male-dominated workplaces as a particular mindset tends to sprout up, and then these men fear a woman coming into the job would ‘ruin’ this. It’s why diversity is needed even more.
But it’s hard to prove.
I would go down the nepotism and unfailing preventing career progression route instead. Much easier to prove.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Go ahead and downvote. Don’t care.
Explanation: Nothing you wrote was biased overtly.
You SUSPECT sexism but listed not one fact that supported it. Two possible candidates and you lost. What is wrong with that? That you are a better salesperson than the other cashier, more respected by customers, and better at having the register be accurate are good things.
That in itself is not discriminatory.
Maybe you did a poor job of explaining to the new manager why you want to be a technician. Maybe you do not have the credentials or background, that the other cashier did. You do not know all the facts but are quick to judge.
Go ahead and report him (if you want). But to be fair, if it is found the decision was not sexist, are you prepared for the ramifications? You will be known for making false accusations. Will not be considered for anything within that company.” Ecstatic_Being8277
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ however, as others have advised it’s going to be very difficult to prove. I’d like to offer some advice as someone who’s been in your situation!
I would just flat-out ask why you weren’t considered and make it clear that you’re interested in advancing into a technician role.
If that doesn’t work, make connections and start looking elsewhere. Many companies are actually starting to look at diversifying right now. Not to mention if you find the right place they may put you through school. Don’t waste time at a place that isn’t going to do anything for you, auto shops are a dime a dozen, and it’s not worth the stress and frustration.
I also want to say that it’s awesome you’re looking into this profession, it comes with a lot of opportunities and you can branch out and build your skills in different industries and it’s going to be awesome for you and your future.
It’s a really long road to get there though and it’s going to be rough at times. This may be your first brush with sexism and unfortunately, it won’t be your last.
Good luck!” No_Professional5983
However the workplace is toxic to you. Holding someone back from progressing is not right just because they are really good at that particular job.
Start looking for other work. When you leave you can tell your boss the reason why - ie I needed a new challenge and didn't want to stay on the front desk forever and unfortunately they weren't willing to give you the opportunity to progress in your career so you had to look elsewhere.
1. AITJ For Telling My Cousin My Birthday Party Is Canceled?
“My cousin, Anton, is the same age as me (12). Ever since I was a child I have on one day a birthday with my friends and one day a party with my cousins and family.
I and Anton were always close ever since we were babies. Always at family gatherings we would hang out and talk with each other non-stop. It was a really strong bond.
I was on a Playstation call with my really close friends and Anton, and my mother called me and made me say to them ‘We are having a party for me’.
Everyone on the call heard my mother and they all agreed to come to my party. My mother thought it was only my friends on the call.
SIDENOTE: He had a birthday party before and he did not invite me to go to his party with his friends.
A few days later I was on a call with Anton saying to him that the birthday party was canceled (I thought saying for him not to come would come off as rude). He was at first confused and asked me questions.
I said to him ‘It was canceled and it was moved to another date’ without him knowing that only my friends were coming.
On the day of my Birthday Party, my mother takes photos and posts them on social media.
Anton’s mother saw the posts and showed them to Anton. He starts messaging me like ‘Why did you say to me it was canceled while it was still going’ and all that. I then said to him ‘It was for only my friends.
We are having another birthday party in a couple of days’. After that, he ignored my messages and would avoid me. At family gatherings, he would avoid me, talk to other people and not even say hi. It has gotten to the point his family members such as his brothers and sister would stop talking to me.
It has gotten to the point that it has been so noticeable that my aunties and uncles took notice. One of my aunties took me and Anton to a room to talk things out with her and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Anton told my aunty everything that happened and she thinks it was my fault. I didn’t agree with her because he would do the same thing, invite friends for one day and another day for family.
So am I really the jerk?
EDIT: Even a few years later he still thinks of that situation and is still ignoring me even though I apologized.
Note: It wasn’t me who said that they were invited, my mother said it and they heard.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lying is always a jerk move. You commented to others that he would still react that way if you would have been honest with him, maybe, you can’t tell that. The truth often hurts, lies that came to light always hurt more.
You lose all the trust a person had in you. Is it that big of a deal lying about a birthday party? Probably not, but who can tell that someone who lied in the past wouldn’t lie again, and even in more serious situations?” Kleines_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for lying. Also, it doesn’t matter that it was your mother who accidentally told him about the party, not you. Once he knew, the best course of action would have been to invite him. I’m not clear on why it was so important to you to exclude him.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He was invited, then you lied about the party being canceled, and he found out. You should have been honest. You could have even let him go to both parties.” MerlinBiggs
Also, honesty is the best policy.
I'm glad your husband has apologised.