People Ask For Our Valuable Insight On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
17. AITJ For Making Fun Of My Sister For Talking To A Bird?
“My (16M) family has a pet parrot. They are all pretty much obsessed with him and my younger and older sisters both keep buying him toys, new food, making him new fruit and vegetable mixes to try out, etc. My parents also pay a lot of attention to him and even set up the extra room we have for his cage so he can sleep better at night.
He has been with us for a few months now and my family’s obsession still hasn’t died down.
I’ve been mostly indifferent since I’m not the biggest fan of animals and my parents keep him away from my room. Luckily for me, it seems like he doesn’t like me anyway, so it’s even easier to avoid him flying to my shoulder or anything like that.
The problem though is that today my sister Emma (10F) was talking quietly to that bird. She was holding him and saying things like “You know I love you right?” and kissing him on the head while the parrot would just mimic the sound. It went on for a while and she repeated that enough that it seemed like she was looking for a response so I told her “You know he doesn’t understand you right?”
After I said that she just looked at me and made a sour face and ignored me. I didn’t want her to actually believe this bird can understand what she is saying since she watches a lot of Disney movies so I feel like they could have given her the wrong idea.
I gently explained to her that it’s just a bird and that he doesn’t understand things like we do. She told me to stop bothering her and ended up leaving the room and told my mom about it.
My mom told me she believed it was harmless for my sister to talk to her pet and that the bird “reciprocated her feelings.” So I told her that this will harm my sister’s way of thinking and get her bullied at school.
She told me to drop it and not get involved anymore. AITJ? I think my sister is old enough to understand what I’m saying and my mom is just too nice.”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like YTJ a little bit. It doesn’t sound like your sister was being delusional or thinking she’s in a movie.
It’s normal and healthy to express love and affection to pets. I tell my cat I love her all the time. Most animals can’t understand what we’re saying, but they can understand how we say it in our tone. Parrots are unique in that they can learn up to 100 words/phrases, what they mean, and say back to communicate.
Your parrot might start saying I love you to your sister when it feels safe or wants to see her happy.” KlickWitch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ok, zoology major here. It is entirely possible that the bird understands her, at least somewhat. Birds in general, parrots more so, are exceedingly smarter than most people expect.
The key is to think of talking to most animals as talking to a foreign person. Even if you don’t understand the words, you pick up tone, subtext, etc. And, given enough time, you will learn some of that language. Just like I know which of my dog’s barks means food versus which means play, and how I know if my cat just saw something interesting in the other room.
Also, animals, birds included, do form emotional relationships with others, those of their own species and those of other species. So, yeah, if your sister is nice to the bird, takes care of it, and shows it affection, it likely does reciprocate her feelings. And beyond that, there’s no harm in letting her believe so.
So you’re doubly the jerk. Once for trying to crush her dreams, and again for being so wrong while doing so.” Wise_Possession
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How do you know the bird doesn’t understand her? You’re not the bird. Nor are you a zoologist or even a wildlife biologist. Nope, you’re just some over-opinionated teenage jerk who felt it was necessary to dampen his little sister’s joy over her bond with her pet.
Animals are smart, much smarter than you so it seems. While they may not understand the exact words as we do, they understand the tone and so much more. Animals have great intuition too. Oftentimes, they provide us comfort when we need it without us even so much as uttering a single word.
They pick up on the nonverbals. You need to apologize to your sister for your asinine and incorrect remarks as well as your mean-spirited behavior.” BadBandit1970
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Disney Addict Sister To My Disney World Trip?
It’s her trip; she’s not obligated to take anyone.
“I (F33) am planning a trip to Disney World with my 9-year-old daughter. As a single mom, I’ve saved for this trip for years.
My daughter adores all things Disney and I want to give her at least one vacation that she can remember fondly. I scrimped and saved for this, it’s a long time coming but the look on her face when I told her we were going to Disney made it worth it.
My sister (F28) and I were close before I had my daughter. My sister is aggressively child-free to the point where she wouldn’t even watch my daughter so I could shower because, “I have no obligation to provide free babysitting,” which has caused a strain in our relationship.
Even little things like Christmas gifts/birthday presents she refuses to do since my “spawn” isn’t her responsibility (her words not mine).
I had to take my daughter with me to the ER back in 2020 because my sister refused to watch my daughter when my appendix ruptured (I had exhausted all other options).
I’ve been distancing myself from my sister since but somehow she caught wind of the Disney trip.
My sister is a self-proclaimed Disney addict. Ever since she started working a “real” job she’s been going on expensive trips to the parks. I even think she’s an annual pass holder despite living in Chicago.
Regardless, ever since she heard about the trip she’s been asking to go saying that it’ll be a fun bonding experience for, “all of us girls.” I’ve been telling her no because she hates my daughter and I don’t want her to ruin the trip.
My mom thinks this is my sister trying to extend an olive branch, and I should take it but I don’t know. AITJ for not inviting my sister on this trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not “extending an olive branch” she’s trying to take advantage of you going on a trip to Disney so she can go without as much expense.
Everything is going back to normal the minute you all get back home. She couldn’t care less about bonding with your daughter and who knows what she might do to ruin the trip for her. I mean, you could tell her she’s welcome to come but she has to get her own hotel, airfare, food….everything.
If she really just wants to go to Disney and hang out with you guys then she’ll take that offer. If she’s really trying to use you for her expenses, then she’ll pitch a fit.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants to extend an olive branch, she needs to start small, and gradually build a positive relationship with your daughter.
If you told your sister you’d decided to change the trip to camping, would she still want to go? I didn’t think so… That might actually be a decent idea – tell your sister if she wants to connect with your daughter, you can plan a different activity.
If she makes a fuss that it must be Disney, then you know she doesn’t care about anything but Disney. A trip you’ve spent years saving for is not the situation to experiment with rebuilding your relationship. She can meet you for lunch after the trip, maybe, and your daughter can show her the pictures, and you can see how they interact in a more controlled context.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no requirement to take extended family members on an immediate family trip. Your sister has no interest in your daughter, to the point of putting your life in danger to avoid interacting with her. Not to mention, I strongly recommend against taking a “Disney Adult” along on a once-in-a-childhood trip.
You’ll have no choice but to do it all her way. Please just plan this trip to make it amazing for your daughter. For your sister, this will just be another Disney trip, but for your daughter, it’s THE Disney trip.” FlamingHotKibble
15. AITJ For Telling My Autistic Brother I Wish He Never Existed?
“I (27F) grew up with an older brother (30M) who has special needs. My parents doted on him and taught me to put his needs above all else.
Growing up, I never felt important. Everything I did was for my brother. I got high marks; my mom would say it was for my brother. I won a high jump competition; my brother got to keep the medal. My presents were suited to his needs.
Nothing was ever mine. And I was never allowed to touch any of his stuff because that might upset him.
Needless to say, I came to harbor a sort of frustration, maybe even resentment, toward this setup. I knew it wasn’t my brother’s fault, but I couldn’t help hating him.
I knew better than to take it out on my brother or my parents who were really just trying their best. So I moved out as soon as I hit college. I’ve felt so free ever since. I visit them twice a year, for maybe a couple of days each time, and therefore don’t mind the treatment as much as before.
Well, this past Christmas, they decided to surprise me. They came over to my place unannounced and stayed for almost a month. Either all the pent-up childhood frustrations compounded or his behaviors got worse, but I snapped by the end because he rummaged around my stuff and broke something every day (some expensive, some of sentimental value).
That last time, he broke the door to my room and ruined a lot of my treasured possessions. I screamed at him to get away from me and that I don’t ever want to see him ever again. I think I even said something along the lines of wishing he never existed. My screaming upset my brother, and my words hurt my parents.
He threw a tantrum, and my parents were stressed. I made a mess.
My mom has been calling every day telling me how sorry she is that I felt that way, but I shouldn’t have held on to such cruel sentiments. She cries for hours on the phone.
My dad called a couple of times telling me how disappointed he was in me and how insensitive I had been. I feel extremely guilty, but at the same time, I meant every word I said.
I knew it was out of my brother’s control.
I knew he probably didn’t mean any ill will. But none of the excuses matters to me anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Your family showed up to your residence unannounced and were up your butt for a month? Oh no. That’s not acceptable. While what you said was hurtful, you didn’t ask for this to happen.
You didn’t invite them to show up on your doorstep without your permission. You didn’t ask them to intrude on you in your house. To be completely honest with you, it was inevitable that this would happen. Between your parents showing up without your knowledge to your brother completely demolishing your things, your b***d slowly boiled inside until you were mentally combusted. They destroyed your boundaries, but now it’s time to reinforce them.
You have let this go on far too long and have allowed them to walk all over you. The time has come for you to take back your power and to take all the power they had over you away from them. NTJ.” IWlLLEATYOURHEART
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was going to put ESH but you were pushed to breaking point, and as I wrote out my response I changed my rating. You shouldn’t have said what you did, but most people would have snapped at that point. Your parents are the biggest jerks in this scenario.
There is no justification for turning up to someone’s house unannounced and then staying for a month. None. It doesn’t matter what relation you are. They should never have done that, and it was this careless disregard for your home and disrespect for your autonomy that pushed you over the edge.
The way they raised you and your brother was terrible, and they haven’t changed since you moved out. They’re worried about your brother’s feelings, but not about yours. Saying you shouldn’t feel the way you do as a result of their behavior is negating both your emotions and their responsibility.
You clearly did the right thing in moving away and minimizing contact, and they decided to force themselves upon you, which they have no right to do. You should tell them that you will visit them in order to have family time, and they are never to visit you again.
And if they do, they are financially responsible for everything their son breaks. I might go so far as to move and not give them my new address, but I know what the housing situation is like.” Pecederby
Another User Comments:
“I mean… To have the audacity that allows someone to think of showing up unexpectedly and staying for a month… A large part of me wonders if this was some secret trial run to see how you’d care for your brother after your parents’ death.
Look. You probably said some crappy things. We all do that, especially if it’s been years of repressed rage. Parenting a special needs kid is hard. The parenting default is to keep the peace… And keeping the peace means keeping the loudest kid quiet and happy.
However, that takes away the agency of the kid with different needs and makes an awful assumption that they have no capacity to learn boundaries or even the word NO. Your parents and sibling needed to be shown the door after a long weekend. They are only welcome for as long as you stay in their home.
If they won’t take responsibility for your sibling and his behavior, then they shouldn’t take him to other people’s homes. Your parents need to understand how their audacity and allowing your sibling to destroy everything they touch isn’t ok. They also should not be pushing their feelings onto you.
The only thing that should happen is that they apologize and offer to replace what was broken. It isn’t your responsibility to regulate everyone’s emotions. Ntj.” Reddit user
Make any apologies that will ease your conscience (none if you want), and establish boundaries. Explain your stress to your parents and push them to listen. This isn't a cast blame session. Explain what you need to help all of you rebuild relationships, if you want to try. With a special needs child, I'm sure they have their own stress and most likely put a lot of faith in you (selfishly) over the years.
14. AITJ For Making A Guy Panic After I Told Him How My Dad Died?
“I (28f) was at work last week, and I have a coworker (mid-20s, m) who is autistic. My dad died in a terrible accident when I was younger. As far as most people know, they’re aware that he’s passed but don’t know the details.
My autistic coworker came up to me the other day and started asking me personal questions. I don’t mind answering most of them, but when he asked about my dad, I clearly told him I didn’t want to talk about it. He kept asking why and pried even after I repeatedly told him that it was sensitive.
It got to the point I was livid.
I told him that my dad was dead and detailed everything from how he died, all the injuries, the funeral, everything. It sent my coworker into a panic attack from the details. He had to leave work early.
My boss pulled me aside to ask what’s going on, and I told him what happened and he told me he’ll take care of it.
When my coworker came back the next day, my boss pulled him aside and proceeded to fire him because there had been one or two similar incidents.
People were trying to pry and say I was a jerk because he’s autistic. I responded that there’s a difference between an excuse and an explanation, and they’re using his autism as an excuse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m tired of people treating people who aren’t typical Autism, Adhd, and whatever else you wanna tack on there as if they shouldn’t be held accountable to the fullest of their ability for their bad behaviors.
My sons who are soon to be 29 and soon to be 26 both have Autism. I raised them as typical as I raised their sister who will be 28 this year. They knew the rules, and how to behave in stores and restaurants and around others. My oldest is non-verbal but, functions mentally around 16 or so.
His younger brother talks enough for 20 people but is around 3-4 years old mentally. If I see him starting to act up I as his mother put a stop to it. Because, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be doing him any favors. I ask many parents of kids that have special needs what happens when you die and the kids don’t have you to run interference.
Well, then the police or mental health judges get involved. Stop it! You aren’t doing your kids any favors.” jadasgrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also have autism. It means I don’t pick up social cues easily. But you explicitly told him you didn’t want to talk about it.
You told him it was sensitive. Even someone with autism can understand clear statements like that. Statements like that are not subtle or hard to interpret. Autism isn’t an excuse to be an insensitive jerk. As with any disorder, autism isn’t his fault but it is his responsibility.
That guy had a history. Hopefully, he learns from being fired and actually examines himself. It’s too bad for him that his parents didn’t teach him explicitly about boundaries, how to recognize them, and how to avoid crossing them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I mean, yes and no on this one. Sigh. Oh god… I’m going to get screwed for this, let me brace myself… There is a real burden put on the community at large in accepting and accommodating some people or some conditions. Before anyone gets mad… All I mean by this is that while, yes, I should understand someone is not neurotypical it doesn’t mean that their behavior does not impact others and might not be a stressor nor can we demand other people bear this burden, perfectly, without fail, and without ever feeling their own feelings or stresses.
Being asked deeply personal questions – repeatedly – after being told not to is not okay. It doesn’t matter that this person is neuro-atypical, it’s not okay, and every time the behavior persists, it is increasing the stress and burden on someone else. If it was CLEARLY expressed that it was not their business… that’s it.
Their need doesn’t supplant yours because they are atypical. They do not have a right to personal information because they have some processing issues or need to fill in gaps, etc. So… no. You gave him what he wanted. Probably went too far trying to make a point and – knowing his situation and that he might be overstimulated or not well equipped to handle details neuro-typical people would possibly shirk from..
that was a little much. But if you made it clear it was personal and he kept pushing…
What other options do you have? Even if you remove yourself from the situation, it sounds like it would persist later. Being part of society and community means being part of it, and it’s give and take.
Accommodation and inclusion are not free passes for persistent unacceptable behavior.
(As an aside – I worked with an OCD person on the spectrum. They could not keep their hands off my stuff even in passing. This was a cubicle arrangement so, yeah… because I had been friendly and stuff this person felt comfortable or something enough that my personal space became THEIR personal space, even if I wasn’t there.
They would be walking by and have to come into my space and mess with my stuff. Their situation was not an excuse. I don’t have to bear that burden. It impacted my work as work materials were moved, stuff I was actively working on got misplaced. And because this guy was contracting with us through an institution that helped folks find employment… their representative at the institution got involved and tried to demand that the entire workplace caters to this disruptive behavior as I was not the only one impacted. No. It was not a good fit for him and inclusion and accommodation meant constant upheaval for people trying to earn a living.
That’s not okay. This is a hard line to walk and individual cases are different. But I can directly empathize with you. For the record, he was far from the only person with some form of a special situation that we worked with and employed. His unique case was disruptive to a point it wasn’t acceptable.)” HumpSlackWails
13. AITJ For Buying My Daughter Her Own Gaming Console When Her Step-Siblings Wouldn't Share Theirs?
“My wife has a son (12) and a daughter (14). They are not biologically my kids, our daughter (7) is, however. For Christmas, we bought them the Switch. To be clear, it was for all three and they opened it together. This was their first gaming console. All the games we purchased had multiplayer functions.
We also gave each kid their own controller.
Christmas day things were fine, they all played together for hours. The day after, life resumed. My wife flew out to her dad’s for his surgery. As I went to work each day, both older kids were to keep an eye out for the youngest during the remainder of Christmas break.
I’d come home from work to find the two playing, while the youngest sat quietly, obviously upset though. I’d ask why isn’t the youngest playing as well? They would respond like, “In a minute” or “This level is too hard for her.” Most of the time, they’d give me a bunch of hot air without a definite reason.
One evening a huge fight broke out after the two paused the game and walked away. The youngest determined it was finally her turn. When they found her, all heck broke loose. I took the console away, and the next day, I told them they could have it back when they agreed to let their sister play.
Several days later I come home and find the youngest in her room crying. They made her do all their chores, and in return, she would be given 15 minutes to play the game. Only, they didn’t hold up their end of the deal after she completed the chores.
I discovered this wasn’t an isolated incident. They have been bossing her around every day, and using the console to manipulate her. I was livid, this was a gift intended for everyone. She shouldn’t have to earn her time to play, and then be given a ridiculous time restraint.
I took the console away completely but realized later this wasn’t fair for the youngest who did nothing wrong. I decided to buy her a system, just for her. I saw this being the only fix to eliminate the problem. The older kids got their system back and I explained their sister now has her own.
Everyone seemed fine, things in my opinion worked out great.
That was until my wife returned home. The older kids told her how I’ve shown obvious favoritism for the youngest. They don’t think it’s fair the younger gets to have a console to herself and in her bedroom.
Their console has been in the living room since Christmas morning. They argued they should each have their own consoles so they can have them in their separate rooms too. To be clear, the youngest needs her system in her room or it would defeat the purpose of buying another one since the other kids use the living room TV.
Even after explaining to my wife what had happened, she agreed it was a form of favoritism and that I should have made the rule all three play or none at all. Like as if they’d actually obey that rule when I wasn’t home.
Currently, they’re barely speaking to me and said to fix things I should buy a third console. I’m kicking myself for buying the first one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepchildren are bullying your daughter. You took action to rectify that and did so in a very fair way.
They wanted that console for themselves. Well, they got it! And now their younger sister has her own console. As for your wife, she is turning a blind eye to her children’s bullying behavior. And her kids clearly have her number. They are manipulating her with their ridiculous claims of favoritism.
If anyone is showing favoritism, it’s her, when she chooses to excuse their bad behavior toward your daughter. The idea that you should have to reward your stepkids for their bullying by buying yet another console is absolutely ridiculous. Tell her to buy it herself if she really thinks they deserve to be rewarded for their bad behavior.
I applaud you for standing up for your child and not allowing her to be bullied. I recommend family counseling because it sounds like this issue goes deeper than a console. Your wife does not want to see or admit to her kids’ behavior.” AuroraDawn35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did 100% the right thing here. The other two don’t get a reward for bullying your daughter. Favoritism would be IF you took their console and gave it to her and just her. You didn’t do that. You drew a line in the sand.
“My daughter didn’t get her gift, because the one we got, she hasn’t been allowed to use. So, I got her a gift that she can use. Your kids got their present. They hoarded it from my daughter. Sure, she gets to have hers in her room, but that’s not her fault.
That’s called Logistics.” The stepkids were the ones who caused trouble like you said. Your daughter doesn’t deserve punishment. If your wife doesn’t like it, I think that speaks to her playing favorites.” ArchyDWolf
Another User Comments:
“Esh. Are you surprised that chaos ensued when you left a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old in charge of a 7-year-old allll day long for days on end?
This sounds like typical sibling rivalry made worse by no adult supervision.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“This one is a little difficult but I wanna say NTJ. I’m the oldest of four siblings and this definitely sounds like something I would do when I was younger.
This sounds like siblings being siblings to me, but I can also see why they’d be mad. It sounds like you tried to handle this in a perfectly normal way by taking the Switch away. If they won’t let their youngest sibling play and use her like that, then they don’t need to play.
You bought the second Switch so the youngest can actually use the system that the other two are too absorbed in. Either way, it’s too late to return the console. I get why your wife was upset, but I do wonder why you hadn’t called her and brought this up to her sooner so you could both talk about what to do so that way she didn’t feel like it was favoritism (my family is a mixed family and as the only step-daughter with three younger half-siblings that share both parents, I can definitely see where your step-kids are coming from.
Now that I’m older, I can also see that this really isn’t favoritism.)? NTJ for wanting your youngest to enjoy something you got for the family and punishing the two oldest kids for taking advantage of her. I would say YTJ for not talking to your wife about it first, but overall, NTJ.” CatsInAOvercoat
Another User Comments:
“It was incredibly stupid to expect teenagers to play games together with a much younger child and a recipe for disaster from the beginning. Very much an E-S-H for that alone. However, the much younger child could and should have had her time on the Switch without them.
And it should definitely not be held over her head by her bullying older siblings. NTJ for buying her a new system just for her.” sanguinepsychologist
12. AITJ For Kicking My Son's Partner Out Of Our House For Not Paying Her Fair Share?
Sounds like a typical mooch.
“My son (19M) still lives at home with me (40F). He’s been with his partner (18F) for ~3 years now, and he asked about her moving in with us. I eventually said yes, and she’s now lived with us for around 8-9 months.
For context, we live in a pretty big house with 2 kitchens, 2 bathrooms, and 4 bedrooms. There’s an upstairs area where I sleep and have my own kitchen and the master bathroom.
Downstairs they have their own space and only need to come up to my area for showers. There are no issues with space and I still have my privacy, so I didn’t see much of a problem.
But since she’s moved in I’ve felt taken advantage of.
She has no job and lost the one she did have almost immediately after moving in. She used to work full-time but quit.
When she first started living with me she paid a $80/month “rent” fee, mostly to help with utilities, and she and my son bought their own food.
But now that she’s lost her job, they’re eating a lot of the food I buy for myself, and I’m only getting about $30 a month from my son who works part-time.
So I’m left paying for almost all of their food, water, heat, etc. I was fine with this for a little while between jobs, but it’s gone on for 8 months now and I don’t even think she’s applying anymore.
They’re also very loud and inconsiderate. I sleep early, it’s how I am, like 8 or 9 PM. I like to wake up a couple of hours before work and enjoy the morning. And my son was always super quiet and respectful until she moved in…
Now they’ll talk loudly until 12-3 AM and play music all throughout the day.
I’ve even heard them in the bedroom a couple of times which feels so wrong since I’m his MOM.
I’ve been unable to fall asleep until midnight on most nights. I work at 8:30, so now I’m either rushing to get out the door or losing sleep.
I’ve told them to keep it down so many times but I feel like a nag because they don’t listen and always just say “we are” or “yeah, wait a sec,” etc. They’re completely dismissive of my needs or sleep schedule. They just don’t care.
Her attitude has annoyed me because she seems to not take me seriously. I’ve heard her call me names behind my back multiple times.
Well, a month-ish ago I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if she didn’t get a job and they didn’t keep the noise down then she’d have to leave.
She had until the end of the month (January.)
Obviously, Jan is over now. And I stuck to my word. I kicked her out on February 12, and she moved back in with her sister today (where she lived before moving in here, her parents are neglectful).
My son is so mad at me. He said I’m “heartless” and need to give her a chance. Then basically stormed in his room and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’ve tried texting him and explaining my side but I’m left on read.
I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with my son.
But the noise, disrespect, lack of job or trying, eating my food, money it cost me, it all adds up…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I would’ve had her leave a long time ago. My son’s SO, (she was 26 and he was 22 at the time but she’s now ex thank GOD) did the same thing….only when I put my foot down, she talked him into moving to CT with HER mother (we live in FL) and they left on, you guessed it…..
Mother’s Day. This is my youngest son…the baby….and it hurt like heck. I was alone for the first time in 22 years. I had tried to tell him she was systematically removing him from everything he’d ever known. He wasn’t allowed to go to his friend’s house except once a month for 2 hours….couldn’t play his Xbox (we’re big gamers in this house), and when he was at work, she’d constantly text him accusing him of having an affair because he wasn’t with her.
But she refused to keep a job and she expected him to pay HER bills. He didn’t see it…because he was thinking with the wrong head. He was an adult, he wanted to live his life HIS way… So they left. I let them.
He was back in 3 months. Her mother is a heavy drinker, can’t hold a job, and is just as mentally unhinged as her daughter. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I had to. It will be ok. He will see, in time, the truth of the situation, and his next girl will be a lot nicer, and more mature.” Super-Gimp
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for kicking her out, but YTJ for not holding your son to the same standards. He condoned and participated in these behaviors, and not even that he’s lived with you his whole life and knew your expectations and still disregarded them, which likely encouraged her to disregard them too.
How often did he probably tell his partner oh don’t worry about it, she’ll get over it, or call you names behind your back when you complained or said something? He was likely a larger part of her disrespect in your home than you seem to recognize.
Teaching him he won’t face consequences for his behavior is not going to do him any favors in life.” Equal_Frame9988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you did make (an honest mistake). What was the goal of your son’s girl moving in? Because there should have been one, like saving up.
The moment she left her job she should’ve been given notice to get a job or get out. But instead, it sounds like you let her move in…because your son wanted his girl to live with him. Of course he did, he’s 19. Most 19-year-olds want that; that’s why they get jobs and work on their future security.
So they can earn money and the choice to do what they want as an adult. By allowing your son’s girl to move in for no -real- reason with no real strict goal or serious rules that you held, you gave them what any teen wants.
An adult crash they can take for granted. Then, out of nowhere you wised and suddenly became serious about your new rule. Which of course they didn’t take seriously, why would they? You’ve never upheld the rules before. Anyway, this came off a little harsh.
It’s not a big deal, your son will deal and hopefully catch the drive to save up to move out if he really wants that lifestyle. But it’s a good lesson in why a parent shouldn’t do this. I should know, my mom let me do this at 18 as well, and I’m still ashamed at how graceless I was.” Elismom1313
11. AITJ For Telling My MIL That She Isn't Making Any Sense?
“My sister has two sons (7&8), I have a daughter (8).
My sister and her kids were over at my house and my mil was with us as well.
My daughter adores Barbie so put on the Barbie Princess and a Pop Star movie. My nephews were all like “Ugh, I don’t wanna watch this” etc etc but my daughter made them watch it anyway.
Because they’re children, they stopped complaining and seemed to be pretty interested in the movie. When it ended, my daughter decided that they now have to play pretend based on the film.
The boys started fighting about being the only main good guy so my daughter decided that one would be the princess and the other the pop star.
It then turned into a game of dress-up, lol. She put a tiara on one of them and a star hair clip on the other. She even put some makeup on them.
The boys kept being silly while my daughter looked very proud of her work.
My sister and I could not stop laughing. It was such a cute moment with our kids and they were all very happy.
My mil wasn’t feeling it. She had this upset look the whole time and when the kids left to play in the garden she came up to me and said that she felt a bit uncomfortable with how the kids were playing.
My sister went “How?”
My mil replied, “Well her daughter seems to be very aggressive and controlling over your boys.”
I asked her how exactly my daughter was being aggressive and controlling and she said that my daughter forced the boys to watch a Barbie movie then forced them to be girl characters then put makeup and girl accessories on them.
I asked her how that was any different from my nephews making my daughter play superheroes or forcing her to watch super man when she isn’t a fan. My mil said that was different because there are girl superheroes but no boy Barbies.
I basically just went “You’re not making any sense and I’m not listening to this anymore.”
My mil kept trying to explain herself though but I walked away. She then tried telling my sister but I told her to follow me.
My mil then accused me of being mean and disrespectful and said that I’m raising her granddaughter and she has a right to be concerned about her behavior.
I told her that there is nothing to be concerned about and said you’re being delusional.
She left after saying that she is very upset with me and my daughter. My SIL called later and said that I owe her mother a massive apology.
My husband said that he’ll deal with it but my sister feels a little bad and asked if maybe we should apologize. I don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The best thing any parents can do with kids is “let them sort it out”.
The boys were completely capable of walking out of the room at any time and doing something else. The boys chose to watch the movie and chose to play dress-up! Your MIL at least had the common decency to wait until the kids left the room to comment.
So that’s something. She is not entirely without the brains to be around kids. But the boys had fun and were laughing. Unless your daughter had then chained up or the door locked then there was no forcing involved. Kids will be kids. They will whinge and complain and then get along and be besties then fight because they breathed on someone too hard.
I would never interrupt kids playing well. Unless there is an actual risk of bodily harm then let them go!
And MIL can hush about such outdated things as there are no boy Barbies. Isn’t Ken a boy Barbie? I remember using my brother’s GI Joe to marry off to my Barbie or whatever I did with them.
My brother and I ended up meshing all our toys into massive race tracks and train tracks through villages made of Legos, smurfs, Barbies, superheroes, etc. We used to make amazing tracks that Mum and Dad had to step over in the Rumpus Room to get to the garage to go to work.
No sneaking through that room in the dark!!” LetsGetsThisPartyOn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, typical double standards of an old-fashioned society common for her age group. Your MIL is delusional to think that girls still need to be submissive to boys. And also, there very literally is a boy Barbie.
His name is Ken. He’s Barbie’s man. And he’s been around for decades. Not to mention there have been other boy-character dolls in the Barbie line through the years. I’ve owned them. My daughter owned them. Even the boy version of the princess and the pauper.
Furthermore, they were just playing and I’m guessing if it was something the boys did not appreciate or want to do they’d have said no. Or you would have put a stop to it. You don’t owe your MIL an apology. She is not the kid’s parent.
She has no authority over how you choose to raise your children. She is the grandmother but that doesn’t give her any control over your decisions on how you raise your child(ren). I’m guessing there are more underlying reasons for her attitude and it stems from her own views of the “feminizing the boys and conditioning them to be gay” mentality.
Which is also nonsense.” Gorgeous-Angelface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL isn’t mad about your daughter being “controlling” or “aggressive”. This has nothing to do with your daughter’s behavior at all. She’s mad that the boys were doing something seen as “non-masculine”, and were having fun.
Let’s face it. Kids don’t do anything they don’t wanna. If those boys didn’t want to watch it or play with her, they wouldn’t. They didn’t feel pressured to do it. They wanted to play with their cousin. Your MIL is trying to mask being a bigot under the guise of caring about your daughter’s behavior.
Please do not apologize for letting kids be kids.” CatmoCatmo
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Dog Back To My Friend?
“I (23m) was given a German Shepherd (4f) by a friend (21f) about half a year ago. She got the dog as a rescue and told me she was having trouble with training her.
She wasn’t adapting to the new house, new owners, or other dogs. Along with this, it was just bad timing. Not having the money to take another dog in, I asked her if she’d consider getting rid of the dog, and she said yes. So, I brought her home.
Mari, the dog, has now been living in my house for the whole half year. She’s been trained since. She’s house-trained, listens to commands, is great with kids and strangers, and can be walked without a leash (I still use one of course). All things I could not have said about her months ago.
I had a few friends over today, and the former owner was one of them. After seeing how well-trained she was, she told me she was gonna take Mari home the next week.
Now, I never bought Mari. But, I took her in under the assumption she was my dog.
After all, I was told she was my dog. That my friend didn’t want her. To suddenly change your mind after I’ve spent all this time training her, treating her like family, buying her toys and such, genuinely hurt me. I denied and told my friend she should’ve put the work in herself If she wanted a trained dog.
My friends are on her side. She was the original owner, and she wants her dog back. According to some of my friends, they were told I was offered 200 dollars for Mari, but never was. I love this dog. And considering I’m recently out of a relationship, I’d really rather not lose the closest thing I have to an emotional support animal. She’s there when I get home from work, she sleeps at the foot of my bed, she’s my best friend.
And I refuse to part with her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, training a dog is EXPENSIVE, it not only takes your time (in my opinion, worth it), but also, if you took the pup to class (I know it can cost over 299 per class), plus food, toys, vet bills, etc. I agree with you; that’s your baby.
I guess I may be a little petty, but if they wanted your furbaby back, they would technically have to pay you back for everything plus boarding. So if you made an itemized bill, I doubt if they could afford to get Mari trained, they could cover that.
I know she’s the light of your life, just as my furbaby is. And not gonna lie, someone would have to take her from my dead cold arms before I’d ever let her go. Also, if you have to pick between your puppers and the friend, I’d choose the pup.” Jazzlike_Mud4896
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ. Your friend did nothing for this dog. She gave up on her at the first hurdle because she was too much hard work. You’re the one who’s put in the time and effort. AND the love & patience. Find out how much dog kennels cost per night in your area and send your friend a bill.
Add in for the cost of training. It’ll come to at least $10k. Tell them when they pay you’ll give her back. You didn’t agree to train the dog for free until your friend arbitrarily decided they wanted her back. They haven’t paid you. There was no specified return date because you took her on for life and rehomed her.
Your friend didn’t care about her until someone else put the effort in. If they wanted her back, you would’ve agreed upon a date from the start. They can’t just randomly decide she’s not yours anymore.” UnderArmAussie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the original owner is beyond selfish.
She is thinking of both the dog AND you as just things. How entitled and shallow for her to see the dog after all the training you did, feel some regret and wish she kept the dog, and just think it’s still hers! No. What a cruel person.
Not only is she intending to steal your dog from you, but the dog is now bonded to you, and would desperately want to go home – to you! What a nasty piece of work this “friend” is. And your friends are nasty too for supporting her.
Is she hot or something? Rich? Famous? There is no logical reason for them to take her side, even if they’re friends with her. It’s weird that they would take her side which makes me think they have really low standards in the character department.
(Hint, people being hot, rich, famous, or popular, can still be absolute and total losers.)” StraightJacketRacket
9. AITJ For Telling My Brother His Wife Needs To Apologize To Me?
“My 11-year-old son goes to a skate park after school with his friends including his cousin/my nephew Jack who is also 11.
I went to pick up both boys when I saw a crowd of kids by the fence. I went over and asked what was so interesting, and they pointed to a snake.
Not just a snake, but a rattlesnake. They had never seen one before (maybe outside a zoo), and I assume they were trying to get it to strike because they didn’t think they’d get bit.
I told them all to get away from it and they did except Jack who actually got closer with his phone. I think he wanted to get a close-up video of the snake striking. I yelled at him to get away and he told me to hold on.
I took him by his arm and pulled him away. He gave me this angry stare.
I told him what the heck? That snake could kill you. He gave me the silent treatment until his mom picked him up.
Then 20 minutes later, she called me up in a rage about how I grabbed him and did this and did that and hurt him, etc and I’m not his dad.
I asked her if her sweet angel told her about the rattlesnake that he was provoking. She said what snake. I hung up.
She called up again and said that I still owed her and Jack an apology for handling him. I told her to shut the heck up and check his phone and see if I did any of that stuff as his camera was recording everything.
An hour later, my brother called me up and said what Jack did was stupid and he was happy I was there but I still owed his wife an apology for telling her to shut the heck up. I said I’m not apologizing for anything.
At least until she apologizes to me for coming at me sideways twice. To be honest, I don’t even care because I don’t like her anyway.
He apologized and I said not acceptable. She needs to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL needs to apologize.
And LEARN that you don’t just listen to kids then go nuclear. YOU ASK QUESTIONS! If she had asked questions like a normal human then she would not have gone nuclear. She has issues. And she is teaching her son that he is a precious being that no one can discipline!
I mean seriously. It was a b****y rattlesnake, and you were yelled at for manhandling him! Yeah, she owes you a big apology and also needs to take some anger management and parenting classes. She is teaching her kid that he can lie and she will go full nuclear.
Rather than teaching her kid about the “boy who cried wolf.”” LetsGetsThisPartyOn
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think OP owes this woman an apology, but I think these two adults could have used their words to communicate more clearly. The SIL came at OP aggressively because her kid lied and said OP hurt him.
Instead of actually using clear communication to negate the claim of a jerk kid, OP just matched her energy. It would have taken two additional seconds to give this woman all of the details about her jerk lying kid… “I grabbed your son away from a rattlesnake that he was provoking after he refused to move away.
If I hadn’t done so, it is more than likely that the snake would have bitten him, and he would have died. Check his phone, there is a video of the exchange.” Hang up. End of story. No long conversations, miscommunication, or back-and-forth exchanges.” Electrical-Date-3951
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. It would only be everyone sucks if you’d been rude the first time. She put you on blast before she knew the whole story, and when she found out, instead of thanking you for saving her brat, she put you on blast again.
And because you reacted to that, she put you on blast a 3rd time getting your brother to call you. Sounds like she can’t accept being wrong. The apology needs to come from her. If you apologize after that it might help but she can’t just demand you apologize after the way she behaved.” UnderArmAussie
8. AITJ For Intentionally Calling My Coworker's Kid A Different Name?
“I have this insufferable coworker, let’s call her Linda. For the sake of peace, despite many disagreements, essentially coming down to our personal values, I’ve tried to make it work with her, respect her opinion (mostly about MY JOB though…), and be civil. She just won’t have it, I really feel she’s for some reason trying to bully me out of my place of work.
So I work in a field where it is common for people to underappreciate my profession even though it is essential to the industry. Basically, without giving too much away I’m a pharmacist surrounded by doctors. I face prejudices and assumptions I know nothing about a topic (even though I proved myself by getting the position and many times after that).
I guess I got on some people’s nerves by being overtly open about my “expertise”; I’m the only one doing my actual job, so there’s no competition really, but I digress…
Linda and her girls thought it would be funny to play pranks on me involving inviting me to nonexistent parties and arranging coworker romantic outings where no one would show up.
This has been going on for a couple of months and I find myself thinking the hostile environment of my coworkers is stalling my advancement in the hospital. I guess she thought she would get away with it because a couple of months after my arrival, Linda announced her pregnancy and gave birth some time ago.
To the point, she came back to work to chat and catch up two to three weeks ago, and as I was trying to be nice and ask what her child’s name was, she apparently thought it would be funny to tell me her child’s name was Flatulence.
As if I would need a residency and not just (if even) a search engine to know that means farting. Anyway, I decided to go along with it and asked how was Flatulence advancing and so on and she answered my questions nicely. Needless to say, everyone giggled and I played dumb.
After her first visit back she started coming more often to say hi and I always made sure to ask her how FLATULENCE was doing. She started getting agitated and today lashed out at me to stop calling her child that (in the meantime I heard the real name in conversation).
I played dumb and asked what she meant. I think she teared up, not sure, and very shortly after left (not very obviously because of me, but everyone noticed).
Now everyone is giving me crap for being petty to a new mom, even though I just think I’m sticking up for myself after what I think was a year of bullying and the time without her around has been bliss.
AITJ for sticking to a name she told me?”
Another User Comments:
“Op needs to go get a diary and write approximate dates of all the crap this woman and her group of mates did to Op to bully her. This is all workplace bullying.
And then take it to HR now, tomorrow before she throws the first punch and says you keep calling her kid flatulence. Also, OP needs to make note of this name nonsense in that diary too so they can clearly see it was all her own making.
Also if anyone else has noticed them doing this crap to you, anyone at all in the place, get them to also report it. She will come for you for this – it doesn’t even matter that she did it to herself. She’s the victim in her eyes now.
She’s DARVOing pretty hard.” hebejebez
Another User Comments:
“Hospitals have HR departments too, don’t they? Stop calling her Fart baby by their name… go to HR… they’ll shut up very very quickly… most of what they did is considered pretty severe bullying and harassment… Also what kind of crappy hospital treats their pharmacist badly?
And why? Pharmacists are usually the people who know the medicine… NTJ, big time.” german_karma95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, some hospitals have a worse “mean girls” clique problem than any junior high school! Take comfort in knowing that you are being targeted precisely because you are calm, intelligent, competent, and completely uninterested in b**********g for clout.
I would get some kind of framed certificate of a gift made in baby Flatulence’s name. Maybe a nice charitable donation to a women’s mental health organization made under the name of Mom and her daughter Flatulence.” Reddit User
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend While She Was Video Chatting With Family?
“I F20 live in a shared house with four roommates.
One of my roommates “Jane” F29 is an immigrant and migrated to our country around 4 years ago because of better job opportunities. Jane moved in around 3 months ago to replace one of our old roommates who left after her lease with the landlord was up.
Jane and I haven’t butted heads before until this issue came up.
Jane’s family members are still living in her native country which is in another time zone, and Jane frequently facetimes them when it’s very late at night for us, like 2 or 3 am. She doesn’t do it every night, but often enough for it to be annoying.
Maybe four times a week?
She always does this in the kitchen or living room, and she and her family members are always extremely loud when talking to each other.
I’ve talked to Jane and asked that she be more considerate about the noise and maybe wear headphones, but she’s refused and said that headphones ruin the experience.
I suggested she Facetime during the day, but she said her family would be asleep.
I asked her to please just try to be quieter as her face-timing her family wakes me up and I have to get up early for work. She seemed to understand but didn’t seem eager to fix the problem and kept changing the subject after that.
Earlier this week, I had a Zoom interview for a really exciting internship that would be helpful for my career. It was in the morning and I made my roommates aware around a week in advance just to ensure the house would be quiet and I could get a good night’s sleep and an uninterrupted interview.
The night before the interview at around midnight, Jane is very loudly facetiming her family in the living room. I’m woken up and obviously not happy about it. I ask Jane to please keep it down and she said she would and that she was just saying goodbye to them.
They went quiet for around 10 minutes but then I could hear them shrieking at each other again. I asked Jane AGAIN to please keep it down and stressed that I have to get up early. She promises she’ll be quiet and apologizes.
Then at around 1 am, I’m woken up again by Jane and her family.
At this point, I’m incredibly done. I went downstairs and I yelled at Jane. I said “SHUT THE HECK UP! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!” Jane’s family hung up on the call when they heard me yell and Jane started crying and ran to her bedroom and shut herself in there.
Jane is really upset with me because I yelled at her and won’t even look at me. She said she just misses her family and that I should have more empathy for her situation. My other roommates said I was being way too harsh on her.
I feel conflicted. I feel guilty for yelling at her but at the same time I’m very frustrated with her for being disruptive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not just you she has to be considerate to, she has to be considerate to the other neighbors.
She is loud at 1 in the morning; these are times when people are sleeping. You tried talking to her about it and being polite but she refuses to listen. There is so much someone can take until being polite isn’t an option anymore. “I’ve talked to Jane and asked that she be more considerate about the noise and maybe wear headphones, but she’s refused and said that headphones ruin the experience.” A very reasonable request, a reasonable solution, and a reason of refusal that makes no sense at all.
How does wearing headphones “ruin the experience”?” DJ_Too_Supreme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave sufficient warning that you needed some quiet hours, but moving forward you guys need to come to an agreement on when Jane can hold these calls. I’m sure it sucks being away from your family and in a different time zone, but if they miss her too, they can take turns upending their lives to talk to her.
She’s just playing the “new and lonely” card; she needs to realize that your lives don’t revolve around hers or she needs to move in with people who work third shift jobs where she won’t be disrupting the house.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“From now on, every time she’s loud, you yell at her.
And keep on yelling at her until she sorts herself out. Do not let her have a peaceful “loud conversation “ with her family until they learn that they are inconsiderate jerks. You might become a jerk, but the other person might learn a valuable lesson.
And if they do, then it’ll be peaceful. Don’t think that you’re being too harsh. These kinds of people expect others to be considerate of them but they do not reciprocate. Also, I’m an immigrant myself. I understand connecting with family that’s in a completely opposite time zone.
However, I do it in a way that is not disturbing my roommate’s peace.” Accomplished_Put7165
6. AITJ For Trying To Get A Disabled Person To Move Seats?
“I (32F) was on the bus with my 5-year-old daughter when we got on at a busy stop. There were no empty seats available, except for one near a person using a wheelchair (40M). I asked the person if they could move their wheelchair to another spot so that my daughter and I could sit together, but the person declined, saying that they needed the space for their mobility device.
I was taken aback and frustrated by this response. I explained to them that my daughter was very young and needed to sit next to me for safety reasons, but they still refused to move. I ended up having to stand for the entire ride with my daughter in tow, which was uncomfortable and tiring for both of us.
When I told a friend about what happened, they said I was being insensitive and ableist. They pointed out that the person in the wheelchair had a right to the space they needed and that it was unfair of me to ask them to move.
Now, I’m questioning whether or not I was in the wrong for asking the person to move. AITJ for asking a disabled person to move seats on the bus for my child?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you acted like the person using a wheelchair was trying to separate the two of you, and were ready to inconvenience the entire bus while they switched spots (which they can’t do while the bus is moving, and sounds like would’ve moved them further away from the quickest and easiest exit at their stop).
Loving how you wouldn’t just let your kid sit while you stood next to them either – and then complained about how uncomfortable you were because someone in a wheelchair made you use your legs.” laineyisyourfriend
Another User Comments:
“”There were no empty seats available.” Okay, got it.
“I asked the person if they could move their wheelchair to another spot.” Um. Where were they meant to move, babe?
“The person declined, saying that they needed the space for their mobility device.” They really shouldn’t have had to explain this to you, as it appears that you have a set of working freaking eyes.
“I explained to them that my daughter was very young and needed to sit next to me for safety reasons.” Cool, could you have “explained” this to literally anybody else on the bus, perhaps someone with the physical ability to stand. Also, it’s a public bus!
It is not unsafe to stand in a bus that was literally designed to safely transport standing people, AS LONG AS THEY ARE ABLE TO STAND. And you went to the one person who you are sure cannot stand!?
“I ended up having to stand for the entire ride with my daughter in tow, which was uncomfortable and tiring for both of us.” OHHHHH, it’s clicking.
You think that being in a wheelchair means that this person has a seat wherever they go! So you’d be inconveniencing anybody else if you asked them to stand because -you- don’t want to stand. But hey, solution! Wheelchair person has been sitting all day; they’ll be fine too – But you didn’t finish the thought before getting frustrated. Because finishing that thought requires you to admit that you’d rather harass a disabled person than ask someone else for a small act of kindness because you equate being uncomfortable to being unsafe.
This is an ableist thing to do. Your friend is right, lol.” bagelbutts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This post literally made my jaw drop at how entitled you are. A 5-year-old could still sit comfortably on your lap. You should have held your daughter on your lap so you could be together.
Another alternative would be for her to sit down and you stand nearby. It was incredibly rude of you to ask this person to move in the first place, let alone try to lay a guilt trip when the answer was no. This man was in his position before you were; it would undoubtedly cause him much inconvenience to relocate and hold up the bus departure, further inconveniencing literally everyone else just so you could have your way.
YOU ARE THE JERK, OP.” pixelated_fun
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Made Cold Food On A Cold Day?
“Yesterday, I went ice skating with my girl. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad, I admit I made a face. She was like, “What, what’s the problem?”
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn’t really in the mood for cold food.
She said we’re inside, the heat is set to 74°, and we’re both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.
At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I’d be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today).
I said I wouldn’t care, and she said that was nonsense because it’s rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.
Was I the jerk for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you wanted something warm for dinner, you should have articulated that in advance.
You can’t hold people accountable for expectations you’ve failed to set.” Narkareth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The double standards here are pretty crazy. 1. “She said it’s rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.” Well, it’s also rude, when someone tells you they’d prefer something warm (totally valid and there is a reason people eat cream of rice and soup when the weather is cold), to scoff at them and tell them they are being ridiculous and try to out-science you.
2. She asked you how you would feel if she didn’t eat your dinner the following day, and when you said that was fine, she didn’t like that answer and said it was bullcrap. (How much do you want to bet she’s going to do that, maybe not tomorrow but sometime in the near future, to try to “get you”?)
Look, chicken salad isn’t a five-course meal, she’s acting like she slaved over a hot stove all day. You didn’t feel like a cold dinner, and you have that right as a human being to get something else that you feel like even if she made dinner.
Let’s flip around the genders. Say she was pregnant, you made dinner, but she was craving something else. Would she claim you are the jerk for not letting her get what she’s craving, or would she resolutely eat what she didn’t want just because you made it?” RNGinx3
Another User Comments:
““Wow babe thank you for making dinner, however, would you mind if I made myself some soup as it’s been pretty cold all day?” She’s probably less annoyed that you didn’t eat her food and more so with your reaction, although her reaction is also immature and not really communicative so ESH imo.” Eziikrum
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain here and will probably get downvoted but NTJ for wanting hot food. Have I made a face involuntarily before at something unappetizing, yes, and probably everyone has at some point in time without realizing it. Plus, I feel one should eat food they want to most times, unless and until it is sentimental and stuff, like my grandma cooking her papaya chicken which I find really weird but still eat every single time with a smile.
For my husband and I, if he doesn’t want to eat something I made, I don’t feel bad about it, he is a grown man with his wants, and he can make whatever he wants to make and eat. And he gives me the same freedom.
you would have been a jerk if you asked your SO to make something else or heat the soup, but you did it yourself, I don’t see anything wrong with that.” practical-junkie
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see why it should matter WHAT temperature it was outside, it wasn’t something you wished to consume and physically take into your body.
The end. This whole thing about you having to ingest products you would not enjoy for the mollification of someone else’s control issues is bizarre. Just because someone makes a food, you do not OWE them the ingestion of said food. I’m Coeliac and allergic to tomatoes, ergo I’m not gonna eat the hand-tossed pizza you made me.
Nor will I expect my vegetarian friend to eat the steak I made. And, even though I think all religions are bullcrap, I will NOT ever sneak pork into your potatoes. No one’s food is owed space in your stomach. It’s your body.
Eat what you want. Or don’t. It’s up to you. NTJ.” SkepticalPyrate
Another User Comments:
“So, someone who cares about you took the time to prepare a meal for you, (and based on how you worded your post) without any knowledge that you had temperature preferences, you recoiled with “a face” and proceeded to pout about wanting something “to warm your insides” because you’re “not in the mood for cold food,” and you don’t see how that’s obnoxious and rude?
OP, are you 9 years old? Because this is how a petulant child responds to someone preparing a meal for them. If you have preferences or hankerings, you communicate ahead of time like an adult, or you communicate that you’re covering your own needs so as not to waste their time and energy in an act of graciousness for you.
YTJ, and a whiny one, to boot.” Dangerlyn
4. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Should Be Ashamed Of Herself?
“I’m a 40-year-old man and my partner of a year is 38. She has a daughter from a previous partner who is 14 and a freshman in high school.
I went over there yesterday to find my partner crying. I tried to figure out what was going on and where I can help when she told me she was crying about her daughter and how she is doing in school.
I love her daughter. She is the sweetest girl ever. I wish my daughters were as well-behaved as her. I have to describe her daughter. She has a nice friend group, does not have trouble with bullies, and generally seems very happy. I bet you’re wondering why her mother would be crying if this was the case.
Her mother/my partner was crying because her daughter is not the popular athlete cheerleader homecoming queen that she was in school. Her daughter marches to the beat of her own drum which I think is the best anyone can hope for. Yes, she’s a little bit dorky.
But her own mother referred to her as a LOSER during this crying fit. She’s very into anime (she and some friends actually started an anime club at their school), Pokémon, and video games. Most of her wardrobe is black t-shirts with anime or video game characters on them.
Again, she’s a happy kid. She’s got her social circle who all have similar interests. It’s just not the circle her mom wishes she was in.
Here are some quotes from her during this that turned me red: “I never would have imagined my daughter would be a dweeb,” “she needs to grow out of this before college,” and my personal favorite “I wouldn’t have been caught dead with kids that look like that.”
I called her disgusting and told her she should be ashamed of herself. I said her daughter is happy and how would she feel to hear her mom crying about her perceived popularity. I told her how lucky she is that her daughter doesn’t deal with a lot of the issues kids these days have.
This ends with her being upset with me because instead of consoling her when she was crying, I called her names. I don’t think the crying means anything. She was saying horrible things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, calling your SO disgusting is not only NOT going too far, but in my opinion, it doesn’t go far enough to describe her hateful attitude towards her daughter.
Cheers to you OP (THE PARTNER) for accepting, supporting, and loving this child more than her ACTUAL MOTHER! Make sure the daughter knows this because I feel like it’s only a matter of time before her own mother starts bullying her and trying to force her to be an exact copy of what she was in high school if she hasn’t already done so.
I mean for crying out loud, this woman seems more focused on treating her daughter like she’s a trophy child than as her daughter, and that’s just deplorable.” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I have a daughter who is the same way. I was devastated as a mother when she was 5 and not wanting to do dance classes.
BUT – I have learned to enjoy what she enjoys because I will lose connection with her if I don’t. She is her own person. So is your partner’s daughter. You were right to bring to her attention that SHE was in the wrong. Expectations are a horrible thing.
You cannot live out your dreams through your children. It’s not fair to them at all, and only causes you to feel miserable.” ProfessionalGold2819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…but you don’t need to bash mom with name-calling to get your point across. Your SO needs to get over herself and quickly, and you were trying to give her a reality check.
You can say that you are disgusted by her behavior, that you are ashamed to be in love with someone who would be that selfish. Focus on your reactions, which is what you can control. It is up to her to come to terms with her feelings and choose how she is going to move forward as the parent of a high school daughter who didn’t live up to her so-called expectations—but you can let her know your thoughts on why those expectations will court disaster if she’s not careful.
At 14, her daughter is likely a freshman and has another 3 years ahead of her.
As the mom to a theater/art/choir daughter who is now a senior with great grades and scholarship offers to amazing schools—being in the “popular” group means nothing. My daughter has her core group of friends, and they are the tight circle I always hoped she would have.
I’m like a second mom to this group. I take them to breakfast, bring them to concerts, and played Uber driver until they could drive themselves. I know their families and I trust them when they are all together.
Your partner needs to dive into your daughter’s world and enjoy the time before her nest is empty.
If your partner pressures her daughter to change, she will sow the seeds of resentment and distance, which is not what a parent wants during the high school years. Your partner needs to embrace and love the person her daughter is becoming, knowing that it will evolve and change each year.
She may be done with anime by junior year, but that doesn’t mean she will suddenly try out for cheerleading either. Your partner can either be the mother of the daughter she has and help that daughter grow a strong bond with her as she becomes an independent young woman.
Or she can sulk and whine and live each day with despair over her own dreams that aren’t repeating themselves thus isolating her daughter and ensuring she will want nothing to do with mom because her daughter will pick up on that disappointment.” Drink-All-The-Wine
3. AITJ For Paying For Only One Of My Son's Weddings?
Everyone wants the same treatment.
“My son is getting married to a wonderful woman. We loved her since the first day we met her. She was very nice and polite and very good with my granddaughter. My granddaughter is 15 and she never got along with my son’s partners so it’s nice to see the amazing relationship between her and her future stepmom.
We were all talking and the wedding came up. We asked them what they are planning to do and they told us they can’t afford their dream wedding and their dream honeymoon so they are trying to decide which one to choose. I offered that they could do both and I’ll pay half the price.
My other son asked me why I’m paying for their wedding when I didn’t pay for his. I told him that I didn’t like his wife, and he knows it. She has been very cold towards us since the first day we met and she hardly ever speaks to us.
I can’t be expected to pay for a wedding I don’t approve of. He said I’m showing favoritism. I told him I’m not; I didn’t pay for his brother’s first wedding either, so in order not to show favoritism, I’m willing to pay for his next wedding.
He blew up at me and called me a jerk and left.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for offering money to one son and not the other. Of course it’s favoritism. You are literally favoring one son without favoring the other. You don’t owe either of them anything, but as a parent, you should realize that as soon as you offer money to one, you’ll have to be prepared to offer it to the other too.
And not just when he leaves the wife you don’t like. If anything, you being catty about it will make him run to her more.” EnvironmentalRuin863
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are allowed to “play favorites.” Your kids are adult men. Now that they are adults, you don’t have to coddle them over their decisions.
Son #1 has decided to marry a new woman, and she’s genuinely interested in being part of the family. So you offered to help them out of a tough spot to give them a special memory. Choosing to help an adult child has nothing to do with the other one.
Only when they are toddlers do you get them both gifts on birthdays, so they aren’t whining. Does son #2 expect gifts to be the exact same amount every year? Also, I love your comeback with son #2. He deserved that one.” FreeuseRules
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your nasty comments, willing to bet that those kinds of comments are standard for you. No wonder they don’t like you. N T J for the money; you can spend how you want, but, my, you are awful to your son. You rubbed it in his face that you’re spending a large amount on his brother then insulted his marriage.
How did you think it was going to go down? If you’re gonna give money like that, you do it privately, and you don’t trash talk your other son’s wife in front of the family.” TheSuperAlly
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend And His Fiancee Move In While They're Struggling Financially?
“So I am 28M, and my friend ‘Tom’ is 29M, and his fiancée ‘Kat’ is 31F. Recently, Tom and Kat have come into financial issues, and are unable to pay for their rent.
As it stands, they can either move in with Kat’s parents, who live roughly 2 hours away, or they can move in with me, until they find another place to rent.
Now, they would rather move in with me. I live alone in a 3-bedroom house, so I have the space.
It would be easier for them as they can stay near our other friends and close to Tom’s work. There are also a lot of parks nearby so Kat can take her dogs for walks.
That’s all well and good for them. However, the idea of living with someone, let alone two people, does not sit well with me.
I have one bedroom where I sleep, the other two bedrooms are my home office and my library. Furthermore, I love the feeling of coming home to an empty house. Everything is as I left it, and I can properly unwind. Also, living alone makes it easier to bring girls over.
So I told Tom and Kat this, and they were not happy. They called me selfish for not sacrificing for them. They said a true friend would help. So I told them the blunt truth. I would be happy to help Tom. He works full-time and would respect my space.
But I did not want Kat to live with me. The reasons being: she doesn’t work, so she would be in my home much more than me. Her dogs are inside dogs, and I don’t want that at all. And I told them, that Tom has told me privately he gets frustrated when he comes home from work and still has to prepare dinner and do most of the chores.
I told Kat she’s lucky she is with someone who tolerates her and loves her, but I’m not like Tom. I’m not dealing with it.
Kat breaks down crying at this point and calls me evil. I apologise to Tom and I tell him he knows my stance.
This happened late last year. Right now, Tom and Kat are living with Kat’s parents still, and I know it’s hard for them. My mates know how Kat is, and told me I did the right thing. However, people who are close to Kat are saying I’m a terrible person, and I put them in a situation that might ruin their relationship.
So, AITJ for not letting my friend and his fiancée move in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From my experience, I can tell you that having two adults and two dogs in a home you enjoy living alone in is sheer misery. It is even worse when one is home all the time.
It would drive me nuts if the one staying home all the time was lazy. There is a certain relief you get when you are home alone. You would resent the intrusion very quickly. It is important to have an end date when someone is staying with you.
Once someone moves in, it can be very hard to get them out. Everyone knows about tenants’ rights and squatters that would be a nightmare to deal with. The fact that they are still living with the parents at a greater inconvenience than your house would be, suggests you made the right call.
It is unbelievable that they couldn’t find a place to rent in all that time. Putting someone up for a month is one thing, a year is unbelievable.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone pick pick picks at you after you have clearly said no, then you snapping is kinda expected. They didn’t respect your no. They kept asking/begging/asking why not.
My sil used to goad me into this a lot. Ask me something where I gave an answer and kept repeating it until she got me upset and then I looked like the bad guy when I finally said the true but not polite answer.
Like no I’m busy I can’t babysit. Well, why? What are you doing? Can you change plans? Don’t you want to see the kids? Why are you acting so selfish? On and on until finally, I snapped, and finally, I’m like well it’s 1/2 an hour each way to your house then home again plus an additional 6+ hours of babysitting, and last time, you promised to pay me then paid me $5 an hour to watch 3 kids.
One with autism, one with ADHD whom I had to do a complicated bedtime routine, and I don’t want to do that again!” Sad-Leopards
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to sacrifice or give things you have to others just because they demand it.
They asked, you told them no, they called you selfish, but that’s not how this works. The fact is – they are rude and entitled to continue to make demands once you’ve turned them down and tried to talk you into it – that makes them automatic jerks themselves.
They got themselves into such a mess they couldn’t live on their own as adults. It’s their responsibility to fix it – not yours, not their family, not anyone else. There are programs out there to help those who truly need it, but they are the evil/entitled ones if they’re expecting someone else to give up or sacrifice for them when they themselves weren’t working their hardest to dig their own way out.
Chickadee needs to get a job (she doesn’t work despite them losing their place? What the heck!), they need to apply for low/no income benefits and sell everything they can to get back on their feet and sure as heck should be grateful if anyone helps them at all.
ETA: totally agree with the others that state you’d end up having to evict them, and I’d fully expect them to damage/steal or have to have dragged out, screaming b****y murder about how awful you are all the while.” 1Cattywampus1
Another User Comments:
“”And I told them, that Tom has told me privately he gets frustrated that he comes home from work and still has to prepare dinner and do most of the chores. I told Kat, she’s lucky she is with someone who tolerates her and loves her, but I’m not like Tom.
I’m not dealing with it.” I was gonna say NTJ, but after this, I have to say ESH. Your friends aren’t entitled to your space, but you also shouldn’t be airing things said in private about your friend’s partner. That is super disrespectful, and I wouldn’t blame Tom for not trusting you again.” Airfighter271
1. AITJ For Refusing To Allow My Partner's Sister To Sleep In My Bed?
“I 26M have been with my partner for a bit over 2 years. We live separately, but she’s been spending most days at my house.
I eventually gave her a key to my place. I’ll come home from work, and most of the time, she’ll be there.
She basically lives there. Has a lot of her belongings there, showers, sleeps there, etc. She has 4 sisters. 2 younger, her twin, and her older sister.
Her older sister has a 2-year-old daughter and is a single mom. My SO has been asking if her sister could come to my house to hang out. I have no problem with it, so I say sure.
Here’s the problem. I got home Thursday.
When I got inside, my girl was with her niece. I greet my girl and niece. When I started walking to my bedroom, my girl tells me she set out clothes for me in my gaming room. I ask why? And she says that her sister is taking a nap in my bedroom.
I’m taken aback by this and say, “Ummmm, no. Yea, she can’t do that.” My girl asks what I mean. I tell my girl that not only is it rude to sleep in other people’s beds, but this is also my house, so I won’t be quiet either.
My girl explains that her sister is burnt out and needs a break. I told her that’s fine and everything, but she can’t be sleeping in my room, on my bed. That my house isn’t a hotel. I could sense my girl getting angry. She’s one of those types that is a silent angry.
She simply gets up, tells her sister to get up. They gather their stuff, and she leaves with her. She calls me back saying that since my house isn’t a hotel, she won’t be staying there with me anymore. She tells me that her sister seriously needed a break, and I couldn’t help her.
She hangs up before I can say anything. I’m having mixed feelings about this whole thing, but feel I could’ve handled it better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So she has her own place but tells her sister she can crash at your place?
Why wouldn’t she let her sister sleep at her house and take the niece somewhere else? And why did she think that was okay to do that without asking you? Sorry, that’s crazy. Even if it was a dire situation, she should’ve asked you before she handed over your place.
Her doubling down in anger is pretty troublesome. Even if she got caught up in the moment – not being able to take a step back and think this through and realize it was a bad move is a bad sign.” Possible-Plane-756
Another User Comments:
“Ummm, eewwww. Who does that? NTJ. Straight up, I thought what the heck, who sleeps in some guy’s bed who is not their partner, especially without permission? A person’s bedroom and therefore bed is one of the most private intimate places in their home. You don’t go in there, let alone get in their darn bed and nap without direct express permission.
Your girl needs to own up to that. She is in the wrong for saying it was ok. She could have spent time at her place (I’d be checking if she still has it or not because that’s a little weird for her to automatically be at yours with her sister and niece).
If she won’t talk, send her a message with why you were upset and go from there. But if she is going to disrespect your boundaries and disregard your response to it, then it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship and that key.” lostlizzie2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the people saying that you are have no concept of respecting boundaries. Especially since you two don’t live together AND it sounds like there were several other rooms with couches to choose from, this is really weird. If I came home to find a family member/friend of mine or my husband’s asleep on our bed instead of on one of our two couches or in the spare room I’d be pretty mad too.
To some people lending out your bed is no big deal and that’s great for them but it doesn’t mean everyone is okay with it. I’d definitely say this warrants a talk with your girl about how we treat our partner’s personal space and shared spaces.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No bed is so sacred that it must not be slept in over someone needing to rest. You can wash the sheets and this is your partner’s sister for goodness sake. You handled it very poorly, quite possibly due to surprise, but frankly, if this is such a big issue to you, then you need to break up because clearly there is a big gap about what is important.
It also raises alarm bells that all your focus is on it being your property as an argument as soon as an issue comes up. You are meant to be a couple and presenting it like that at the first sign of an argument is not good.” Thurad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not a huge jerk, a little jerk. You had an opportunity to explain boundaries in a living situation but you blew up. Your SO was simply embarrassed about having to wake up her sis after telling her it was ok. It was embarrassing for her and it ticked her off.
Of course, all of this stuff in this situation is yours but you let the situation grey up by letting her basically move in. When you drew a line, you snapped the leash she didn’t know she was on. Not a good feel for an SO sliding her way into your life.
She probably didn’t know where she stood and you made it clear very quickly in a situation where she would be publicly embarrassed. As far as the sister, dude, you could have been a little more compassionate for a mother. At first, I thought: what’s wrong with the couch but it’s less practical with the kid there.
This seems like a wholly unnecessary argument unless there’s additional background that applies.” skruis
