People Ask Us To Be Unsuspicious In Reacting To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
23. AITJ For Inheriting My Grandmother's House?
“I had an ugly divorce in 2010/2011 (details not important).
So I ended up moving back to my childhood town. I bought an apartment but the people asked for 2 months to move out. I still needed a place for that time.
My mother told me that since I work from home, I could help out her mother as she fell on slippery stairs and was bound to a wheelchair.
Other relatives wanted to put her in a nursing home and sell the house to cover the costs as her home was heated with firewood, it meant she could not do half of the stuff by herself and I agreed to do it! (She has 4 daughters and a son)
The first two months went by quickly and we found out that my 75-year-old grandmother would not heal enough to get rid of her wheelchair she asked me if maybe I could just rent my new apartment out and stay with her – and I agreed to stay longer and decided that this house needs some renovation as keeping it warm was an effort itself – so I decided to build central heating system there and build new wheelchair accessible bathroom.
By 2015, I had spent so much money on the house that I had a ‘what is going to happen if you are not here anymore’ talk with my grandmother and asked if it would be okay if I bought out my other relatives (aunts and uncle) as they wanted to sell it anyway.
Grandmother thought that was a good idea and told me that we had to make some kind of plan, but we did not talk about it in detail. On her birthday when all the relatives were at the table she told everyone that she decided to give that house as a gift, but nobody seemed to care – but it sure was a surprise to me!
A few weeks later I found out she was serious, as she asked me to take her to the notary. The notary asked her if she was sure about it, and the answer was ‘He has invested so much money in the house and has taken care of me for years, it must be worth something!’ and so it happened – the house was in my name.
‘I might be old, but not senile!’
That was when I owned the house and decided to sell my apartment and finish renovating the house (The asbestos-based roof needed to be changed, chimney leg, house insulation, electrical wiring, etc – the list was long!).
More years went by and it was 2023, one day at age 87 my grandmother did not wake up one morning.
A few months after the funeral youngest of my aunts appeared at my home with a real estate appraiser and this is the AITJ part: For some reason, they all thought that my grandmother was not serious years back and she was so sure that we should sell the place and my mother with her brother and sisters split the money.
My mother and her oldest sister agreed with my grandmother’s decision, but others sued me for ‘using an elderly person for financial gain’ – like a week ago I got notice that they failed to provide any proof about my grandmother’s inability to make decisions, the court can’t change anything.
Now they don’t talk to each other and I have so many messages calling me a greedy jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let them not talk to each other and call you greedy all they want. That’s how you see who is greedy. She gifted you her house because you were there for her even though you had your apartment.
She saw that you didn’t have any ulterior motives and put the house in your name while she was alive for a good reason. She knew that inheritance could bring out the worst in people.” Plenty_Metal_1304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gifted it to you and you put time and effort into the house.
As well as being a live-in caretaker so she could stay in her home.
Also, depending on the math, I would be shocked if the house sale in the condition you first described would have lasted her 13 years. Not sure what country you’re in but she likely would have outlasted her money and your family would have been splitting the cost or someone would have had to take her into their home in the end anyway.” Foodie_love17
22. AITJ For Calling The Cops To Move My Neighbor's Car?
“I came home. My neighbor appeared to be having a family gathering, with cars parked along the curb of the entire block.
Two of the cars, one minivan, and one coupe, were parked on the curb in front of my house, with one where I usually park and the other directly in front of our house’s mailbox.
I have never spoken to these neighbors before despite their living here for what must be at least 5 years.
I decide to walk over and ask someone near their driveway – which still has an open space – about the cars. He tells me to wait a minute, and then an older guy calls my attention from the second-floor balcony of the house.
‘Sorry for bothering you’ – then I asked him if he knew whose minivan was parked in front of our house, around where my car usually is.
He tells me I don’t own the roads, that they’re public, and that the minivan will stay there until tomorrow. I look at him, say ‘Okay,’ and then walk off.
When I walk into my house, I call the non-emergency line and report that a car is parked in front of my mailbox.
A cop came 4 hours later to ask them to move it. Unsurprisingly, they complied, clapping as the car was moved, and loudly talking that I ‘could have my spot now!’
I understand what I did was petty. I don’t deny that. What do I care about a neighbor parking in front of our mailbox for a day – especially on a Saturday afternoon?
But I just don’t get using ‘the public road law’ as an excuse to be a jerk to someone who is a stranger to you. Why then shouldn’t I arbitrarily use ‘the mailbox law’ to not get stepped on?
My family usually refuses to talk to these people for a reason.
They are lowkey racist and find excuses to be passive-aggressive for no good reason. They had never seen me, but I tried opening up by talking and being apologetic because that’s what normal people do.
Even if I am a snitch, AITJ for calling the police on my neighbors?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you tried to be reasonable and they crap on you from their particleboard tower. Also, people tend to not understand what snitching is. Snitching is when ‘you participated in the crime and benefitted from it, but then rolled over on other people to protect/benefit yourself’.
If someone you know murders your family, it’s not snitching to call the cops and tell them that your neighbor murdered your family, unless you hired them to do it, or you participated in the crime in some way. When you call the cops because people are breaking laws and screwing you over and you haven’t participated in any of the crimes they are committing, it’s not snitching.
A witness to a crime is never called a ‘snitch’ by the mafia. Only guys who are in the mafia are considered snitches by the mafia. It’s the act of betraying your partners in crime. Not a partner to the crime? It’s not snitching. Snitching would be like if you sold them a bunch of illegal stuff then called the cops on them and said they had illegal stuff because they wouldn’t move the car.” NeedsMoreFacePunch
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There are two cars in this story – one in your usual spot and a second in front of your mailbox. You asked them to move the minivan that’s parked where you usually park. Their reply was ridiculously rude, but they were correct – they were allowed to park there.
Unless I’m misunderstanding something, you never mentioned the coupe to them and then called to have it towed. It’s not the towing that makes you a jerk, but you should have asked them to move the car that was blocking your mailbox, not the one parked in your usual spot.” kvweid12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Always report crimes. Parking on the curb is illegal (anyway laws differ) and it’s also dangerous (situations differ) because the boof head is parking on top of the power and internet cables. That won’t matter today, or tomorrow but after years of parking his dumb truck on top of it guess who’s got massive issues with their utilities?
But I’m getting off-topic. I would and have done the same. Just to clarify as terms do vary, you are referring to them parking on the grass as opposed to on the street? Because parking on the street is first come first serve.” Archon-Toten
21. WIBTJ If I Tell My Fiance's Coworkers' Wives They're Not Invited To Our Wedding?
“I (33 f) and my fiancé (37 m) are in the final stages of wedding planning.
Invitations have gone out but unfortunately, we couldn’t invite everyone. We are paying for the wedding with some family support and can only invite so many people to stay within our budget. So what we decided to do was invite our first group of people and send out additional invites depending on responses after hitting about 1/3 of the replies received.
So my fiancé called me today saying one of his coworkers (50s f) confronted him at work for not being invited. From what was told to me… two of his coworkers’ wives (20s f and 40s f) took it upon themselves to text with his coworker and ‘found out’ she wasn’t invited. His coworkers’ wives are invited because my fiancé is friends with their husbands.
But what blows my mind is that they took the time to single out this one coworker, look on our website, and search through the names to see who was and wasn’t invited. One of the coworkers’ wife (40s f) doesn’t like the (50s f) because she threatens her and I think it was motivated out of pettiness.
Needless to say my fiancé and now I are forced to deal with this nonsense.
I plan to talk to both coworkers’ wives and tell them it is not their place to inform others that they aren’t invited to the wedding. They don’t know the circumstances or plans we have and for them to ‘take this upon themselves’ is disrespectful and childish.
Secondly, I plan to talk to his coworker and tell her that I didn’t appreciate how she handled this situation. She could have talked to him on the side or outside of work. But for her to confront and demand an explanation is ridiculous.
She was on our list to invite after the first responses, but now my fiancé feels like it looks like a pity invite as opposed to an actual invite. And if she had just asked instead of jumping to conclusions then we could easily explain.
So would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you handle this. Your fiancé needs to deal with this. It’s his workplace, his coworkers/friends. Though, with this kind of pot-stirring, I would personally not want these people at my wedding or in my life.
It is ridiculous that a woman feels the need to review a list of RSVPs for her husband’s coworker’s wedding to see if another coworker is invited or not. It’s beyond petty and since the wives took it upon themselves to harass another coworker about it, they’re making it a workplace issue.
Because of all this, I would also encourage your fiancé to report all this to HR so he can establish a paper trail and get his story on the record (he should encourage 50 f to report as well). Then I would encourage him to text each couple about how he and you don’t appreciate them causing drama at work about your wedding and causing it for you during wedding planning.
It’s immature and toxic, and bringing it to another coworker makes it a work issue that he now has to deal with. I’ve handled petty crap from friends but I would be livid if they messed with my work reputation or brought me into office politics for personal stuff.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“Just like you’re assigning people what you think is their appropriate or inappropriate behavior, it would also be completely inappropriate for you to confront the coworker (and maybe even any of these people). The two wives were invited because they are friends with your fiancé, and the one not invited is his coworker.
And all of this went through him. So, yes YWBTJ if you got involved. These people are only in the running (or not) for an invite due to their connection to him, so let him handle it. None of this was directly discussed with you – it was directly discussed with him.
And it’s his work relationship that is at stake. Discuss it with your fiancé beforehand, but he should be the one discussing it with the coworker, not you.” TA_totellornottotell
20. AITJ For Thinking My Partner's Dad Has Been Spoiling Her And Her Sisters?
“My partner’s dad has 9 children. He had 7 (4 boys/3 girls) of them (including my partner) with his first wife and he’s now remarried with 2 younger children. He is now incredibly wealthy but grew up in poverty and was orphaned as a child.
My partner is 24, is currently in medical school, and has an older full-sister and a younger full-sister.
We’ve been together for 4 years. It became clear early on that she was spoiled but over the years it honestly has started to make me feel uncomfortable.
Every birthday and Christmas I know she’s always going to get a better gift from her dad. Whenever she needs anything her dad is the first person she goes to not me.
She has a nice car that he bought her, she lives rent-free in an apartment he bought, goes on several vacations a year, and has a lot of nice stuff.
I come from a middle-class family, I never had to worry about money growing up and had a nice childhood.
But now I’m 28 and I pay my way in life, which means often if my partner wants to do something more expensive together (vacation/fancy dinner etc) either she pays or I take a financial hit to pay my half.
However, the thing that makes me uncomfortable is I’ve noticed that my partner’s dad spends a lot more money (and time) on his daughters.
I didn’t realize the extent till more recently.
Last September, my partner’s older sister got married and their dad paid for basically the entire event and it must have cost loads. Last weekend, my partner’s older brother got married. The wedding was considerably less extravagant and paid for by the couple.
I talked with the brother about the wedding planning beforehand and he talked about how he and his fiancé had been saving up for 2 years.
I asked him why he didn’t ask his dad to help fund the wedding and he essentially said he would be embarrassed and his dad wouldn’t react nicely to him for money.
You can see the same thing over Christmas, the brothers did get nice gifts but not like their sisters.
The other day, I tried to talk to my partner about how I think it’s wrong how differently their dad treats the sons vs the daughters.
We got into an argument about it, she called me jealous after I called her spoilt. She now thinks I’m a jerk for even bringing it up. Am I? I feel like this would make any sane person feel uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stay out of their family business.
Also, why would she come to you for things and not her dad? That is some misplaced middle-class machismo. If you think your partner is spoilt and dislike the way she acts or her wastefulness with money, you can vote with your feet. If she’s insensitive to the financial strain she puts you under, that’s a fair subject for serious talk.
Ultimately, it’s tricky to expect her to do less nice things for your comfort. But if you don’t like the things she does with her money, it’s ok to have different interests. Many couples do. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“The real question is why, why is it bothering you this much?
Do you feel insignificant that you can provide for your partner the way your father can for his daughter? How is this affecting you except for the fact when she wants to do something better and more expensive than what you can afford and she’s willing to spend the money?
If this bothers you so much then find a woman with less means so you can be the big shot and support her. Sounds like if you get married you’ll get upset that you can’t keep her in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to. I think you’re trying to get between the way he treats the sons and daughters.
A sane person would not try to get in between a father and his daughter. The way you’re trying to. This is okay for that family, and just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean anything. YTJ” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Leaving While My Partner Was On Video Call With His Sister?
“My partner (36, male) and I (34, female) have been together for seven years. Before then, I lived for two years in his country. We recently relocated abroad. Our families reside in different countries, and we occasionally video call them. My relationship with my in-laws is generally good.
We’ve never had any issues or fights for no reason, although I sometimes feel they don’t treat me as well as my family treats my partner. However, I’ve come to accept that they are not very affectionate, not even with each other.
Yesterday, my sister-in-law asked my partner to video call because she had some news to share.
She called him when he returned home at night. Since it was dinner time, I was naturally in the same room. Initially, I wasn’t invited to the conversation; she wanted to talk to him alone. But when she shared the news that she was pregnant and he was going to be an uncle, I couldn’t contain my excitement.
I approached the phone, offered my heartfelt congratulations, and even clapped with excitement. However, she didn’t acknowledge my presence and they continued talking. I remained seated next to my partner, but after a couple of minutes, I felt I should leave to give them some privacy.
So, I signaled to my partner and went to start preparing dinner. I continued with my tasks as usual but felt hurt by what had just happened.
After some time, they said their goodbyes and my partner approached me with his phone so we could both say goodbye.
I said it aloud but didn’t get on camera. After they hung up, he told me what I did was bad and that I should have shown more interest, stayed, and come back on camera to say goodbye.
So AITJ for deciding not to stay in a conversation in which I didn’t feel included or welcomed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your husband if he noticed: 1. His sister asked to only tell him her news. 2. You did come and express your excitement and congratulations. His sister did not acknowledge you at all. 3. His sister kept the conversation directed between only him and her.
Ask him if he thinks it was rude of her to not include you, not acknowledge you, and not show any interest in your existence or future role as her child’s aunt. Ask him if he believes his family can be rude to you and exclude you, but he would still expect you to keep expressing your excitement and interest in their lives while they continue to ignore you.
(He’ll probably say ‘no’ but then ask him these questions: 1. Does he see or acknowledge that his family may exclude or ignore you (as in this case)? 2. Does he think that is rude? Does he think that he should call them out on their behavior and ask them to reach out more?
3. Why does he think he can expect more from you when he hasn’t expected more from his family?” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except the sister. You’re not a jerk for leaving the convo. You’re a jerk for getting involved in the first place.
You absolutely could contain your excitement you choose not to. His sister made it clear who she wanted to be talking to.
If I were her I’d be annoyed to find out that the private convo I wanted to have with my brother wasn’t private at all and his partner felt comfortable not only listening in but joining in whenever she saw fit.
It is wild for you to jump into a convo you weren’t invited to and then feel hurt that you still weren’t invited after the fact.
It’s great you and your partner share love and commitment but his family is not obligated to show you that.
She doesn’t have to include you in her pregnancy and she’s not asking you to play any role in her child’s life. To her, you may just be the woman her brother is in a relationship with.
Your partner is the jerk for putting you in that situation, to begin with.
He knew his sister asked for privacy and couldn’t utilize any other room in the house. No headphones? Then to get on your back about not staying when he knew you weren’t invited to the convo in the first place is crazy. He’s going to force something to the point of breaking.
Your relationship with his sister has to be because the two of you want one not as an extension of him.” Kismet_Rising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have said ‘no jerks here’ because different people/different cultures have different expectations. And THAT can be really hard to navigate.
You were great – you were positive and supportive, AND when you felt (given your experience with them) that the conversation should be private, you left them to talk even though you felt hurt. You’re an empathetic person. I don’t even think your partner and his family are necessarily rude because it could be just their way of communicating.
But when he approached you and said what you did was wrong, that’s where he crossed into jerk territory.
If I was leaving a conversation my partner wanted me in on, he’d signal it, or he’d let me know, whereas he’s come to you after the fact to criticize.
Tell him your thought process. If he continues to tell you that what you did was wrong, tell him that he needs to communicate with you at the moment because it’s his family. He should already know you’re a considerate person.” No_Ad_770
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Sick Mom?
“It was the day after graduation when my mom and her partner told me that now that I was an adult, I had to move out and find a place of my own.
Although it was unexpected, my mom and I’s relationship changed drastically when her new partner moved in. I tried to make a good impression because I wanted her to be happy but the guy just seemed to have an issue with me. He convinced my mom to start charging me rent because I had a part-time job while still in school even though he was jobless and living off my mom.
He would go into my room, go through my stuff, and use some of my things without my permission. He even broke my laptop after using it without asking but my mom saw nothing wrong with his behavior and always took his side. She would yell at me whenever I complained about how I didn’t like him invading my privacy.
He seemed very pleased with himself when my mom kicked me out.
I didn’t have enough to get a place so I survived by sleeping on friends’ couches as much as I could until they got tired of me and I had to sleep outside at times.
Thankfully I was able to get a second job through someone I knew and I was able to save up. I just moved into a new place at the beginning of this month after months of not having anywhere to call home.
A few days ago, my mom’s partner reached out to me.
Apparently, my mom had a stroke and he tried guilting me into moving back to help her out because he got a job opportunity and had to move. I declined and told him that unfortunately I’m too busy trying to be an adult, and it doesn’t look like I can take time off that schedule to do that then hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the exact reason why I don’t understand any parents who kick their kids out when they are closer to 18. They spent so much time and energy with their kids from the moment that they were born just to save a few years off when their kid requires almost no attention and for what exactly?
Treat your kids well and they will come and gladly help when you need them to, but treat kids like trash, kick them out without any regard for their well-being and you are on your own. Do those parents truly believe that their new partner will take care of them?
How naive they are, and they will die alone.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“It wasn’t just the part where she kicked you out. She made you pay while she was LEGALLY responsible for your care. She let a strange man invade your privacy. Honestly, it sounds like he could have harmed you in other ways and she would have defended him.
You just got a place, after struggling, being homeless, etc. If she needs care, she needs to hire a nurse or carer. I’m sure her partner has stolen all of her money too and is now making a run for it, and wants to saddle you with both her care and her debts.
You can’t pour from an empty jug. These people threw away your jug, and now you are slowly filling your jug. Take care of yourself first and foremost, because no one else will. NTJ. It’s not your job to take care of her. She didn’t take care of you when it was her literal job to do so.
You owe her nothing.” Rohini_rambles
17. AITJ For Not Answering The Door When My Partner's Grandmother Made A Surprise Visit?
“I (24 f) & my partner (23 m) moved into our first apartment about a year ago after living with his dad for a while.
We were so excited to have a home that was officially ours, even if it was just a small 2-bedroom apartment. One thing we both agreed on was any visitors giving us a visit would also need to give us a heads-up. We’re not big on people showing up unexpectedly, this is our home & we would like our privacy, which I think is understandable.
Everyone has been respectful of this boundary… minus my partner’s grandmother. She knows of our request about calling before showing up. But she acts like that boundary does not apply to her. She shows up unannounced, even as late as midnight with no warning. This has happened MULTIPLE times, no matter how many times we ask her not to.
Fast forward a few weeks after she’d done this numerous times, and I finally had enough. I told my partner that any time she now shows up with no heads-up, I will not be answering the door. (This applies to anyone showing up unannounced. She’s just the only person who actually does.) She will just have to stand out there until she gets tired of knocking & leaves.
He agreed this was the only way we could get it through her head.
Side note, I don’t mind her coming over. She’s allowed to visit, as long as we have that heads up. But this has been going on for almost a year. Even after we told her we wouldn’t let her in if she showed up unannounced, that didn’t stop her from continuing to do it.
I’m sure she thinks we’ll cave, but so far we have not. I won’t give in & reward her for disrespecting boundaries.
We’ve been called rude & jerks for doing this, but I don’t think I’m wrong for asking for a notice before someone shows up at our home, our safe space.
All I asked was for my boundaries to be respected, and she can’t do that, so now she has to suffer the consequences.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. That grandmother thinks she’s too special for rules and boundaries. And yeah the excuse of ‘that’s just how she is’ is there because they all don’t have the balls to stand up to her.
My guess for that is probably because of money and possible inheritance they don’t wanna risk by telling her ‘no’.
Side note: you accepted your partner and not his whole b***d relatives! At most you tolerate them!” Footziees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you don’t have to admit to her or anyone else (other than your partner) that this is what you are doing.
Just let her yell and then eventually go away. If she or someone else asks about it say ‘Oh, you/Grandma stopped by, we must have missed her. When was that?’ And then if grandma says when she came by reply ‘I must have been out/asleep/had earphones on then.
I wasn’t expecting anyone so I wasn’t there/awake/listening for the door. I’m sorry you were stuck outside. Just check in with us next time to make sure we’re around and will be up to let you in’.” TheHatOnTheCat
16. AITJ For Asking My Fiance To Do Christmas Stockings With Me?
“We were tighter on money this year, so after I got my fiance a couple of presents I asked him if he wanted to stop at two or three presents for each other and he said he planned on getting me six of seven gifts as soon as he got paid, so I took that as a sign that I should get him a few more gifts.
This will be the third year in a row where I’ve watched the pile of presents I bought over the month add up under the tree, but not a single one for me is there. The first year we were together he forgot to get me anything at all until I started crying about it Christmas Eve and he went out and got me some gifts.
Last year he said the gifts wouldn’t arrive until after Christmas and they just never showed up.
A few days ago he told me he just ordered my gifts, and the two things he ordered me wouldn’t be getting here until January. He already told me what he was getting me.
One of the things is rather expensive so I don’t feel like he isn’t spending a lot on me financially, but I don’t feel cared for. I wanted small things that showed he cared. I purposely sent him photos of inexpensive things I liked all month explicitly saying I’d love something like this for Christmas.
I told him I wanted to do stockings for the first time this year and put his in an obvious spot so he could see that it’d already been filled. I asked him just now if he wanted to do mutual stockings and he said he didn’t.
I told him I already made him a stocking which is why I asked and he was just like ‘Oh, I didn’t get you anything.’
I don’t want to cry in front of him again and risk guilting him into getting me more things.
I feel like I am a jerk for letting it bother me so much because I know one of the gifts I’m getting is pretty expensive and we’re tight on money this month. Am I being ungrateful?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a big red flag.
It’s not money or greed. I’m sure if he took the time to make you a few gifts you’d be thrilled. It’s that he’s not putting in any of the emotional labor of thinking of things ahead of time. He absolutely expects you to put in the labor because he expects gifts.
I recommend the book Fed Up by Gemma Hartley. Emotional labor is a huge issue in a lot of relationships and this imbalance will only get worse in marriage and, if you choose to have them, kids. Think about if you want to be the only one buying kids’ birthday or Christmas presents.
The only one buying family presents for your parents and in-laws.
Think of waking up on Mother’s Day or your own bday and finding he hasn’t planned anything. Think of having to remind him to do things like this for you for the rest of your life.
The hurt and emotional labor that takes.
My suggestion, beyond dumping his inconsiderate butt, is to take the presents you got him and hide them away. Tell him that you want to open presents together and you can both wait until the ones for you come.
If he protests then ask why he should get to open his now when you have to wait. His reaction will be telling. NTJ” Asleep-Tank3228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he is willing to receive, he should be willing to give. That applies to important things like respect and consideration.
You sound thoughtful and considerate and you have tried to communicate your needs. He sounds entitled and lazy. It isn’t about the amount of money spent or the number of gifts under the tree. His lack of effort and consideration speaks volumes about him. Please take some time to consider if you want to continue to accommodate someone so selfish.
You are worth so much more.” Pleasant_Test_6088
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate My Brother-In-Law?
“My (29 M) sister (26 F) and her husband (40 M) are looking to come to visit my city for the solar eclipse in April since we’re in the path of totality.
That’s cool and I’m excited to see my sister but she made a comment the other day about how excited she was to stay at our house. I was confused (since I hadn’t invited her and didn’t have a guest room, just an air mattress in the library) and asked for clarity.
She said something like ‘I just figured we’d stay with you guys like I did in college so we could save some money’.
While it’s true that my wife and I put her up in college when she came for visits. We also open our home to everyone else in our family (those who are willing to sleep on an air mattress, not many lol).
I have said a fair number of times that I won’t have her husband under my roof for any length of time. He’s a jerk who groomed my sister from a VERY young age that somehow my family doesn’t see?! I won’t have him in my home, especially since he makes creepy comments towards my wife who is 32 but gets regularly mistaken for a high schooler when she wears casual clothing.
When I explained that I had been serious when I said that for the last 4 years, she got mad and hung up on me. Within an hour I was being harassed by my mother for being a bad sibling and even my younger brother who agrees the husband is a creep asked me if I could get over it so Mom would stop yelling about it (he still lives at home while in school so he’s the most directly impacted by Mom’s moods).
I’m getting overwhelming family pressure to let them stay because ‘he’s family now’ and ‘you stick up for family’. So I turn to you, AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said no and NO is a complete sentence. Tell your mother enough is enough and she needs to stop yelling or making a big deal about where two adults stay.
Your sister is grown enough to be married and you are an adult as well. No need for this over-the-top reaction to a simple non-issue. Your sister and her husband can get a hotel like every other adult on the planet who needs a short-term stay.” Ireadanything
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife should not be subjected to inappropriate comments in her own home and you should definitely be standing up for her. Have you ever had a discussion with your BIL about how he speaks to and about your wife? If not, you should, and let him know that those kinds of comments will not be tolerated. If he can manage to behave like a decent person, then you could consider having him in your home for the sake of family harmony.
He is your sister’s choice.” Maximum-Swan-1009
14. AITJ For Not Changing My Lock Screen For My Significant Other?
“I (21 M) and my significant other ‘Lana’ (18 F) have been together for a few months now.
I’ve known her for longer because we went to the same school and ended up in the same college. We have complete trust in each other and we love each other very much.
Background: 7 years ago, I and my cousin ‘Sam’ (15 M back then) were very into illegal stuff, which resulted in Sam passing away because of overuse.
We were best friends and he was the closest one I had, he was my everything and still is. I haven’t had such a strong connection with anyone since he died. I’m still not over his death. I’ve been clean ever since.
Conflict: my phone lock screen is the picture of me and Sam from the day he died. It’s just a selfie of us two together shirtless, nothing inappropriate or unpleasant.
I have kept this picture as a lock screen ever since that day. Lana knew about the picture, but she never asked. I never told because I’m not comfortable with talking about Sam. It’s still a very sensitive topic for me.
A few days ago, Lana put my picture on her lock screen and told me about it.
I said ‘Cool’, not giving it a thought. The day after she asked me if I wanted to put her picture on my lock screen, I said no. To be honest I didn’t really want to elaborate, but I said that the picture I have now has a huge sentimental value to me.
She asked me for details and I gently explained that it was a picture of me and my favourite person ever who passed away very young. She was visibly upset and asked me if I didn’t love her. I said I love her and she’s important to me, but I still can’t get over Sam’s passing.
I also kindly asked her to drop the topic, noting that maybe one day I’ll be ready to talk to her about it. She became even more upset and said that it was just a lock screen pic and that I could change it for her.
I told her to drop it again, but she got mad and accused me of not loving her anymore.
I feel like I was being a jerk towards her, but I also feel like she was too pushy in regards to my boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, I am sorry for your loss, and for this situation. It sounds like you did a good job briefly explaining why and having boundaries about how much you are willing to share. You do not have to share more yet until you are ready.
Now, onto your SO. She is young, and having her partner on her lock screen is clearly a big deal for her. Probably to show her commitment to you, and how proud of the relationship she is. Not saying you need to change yours, but you might want to let her know you acknowledge how big this was for her, your initial reaction of ‘cool’ might have been underwhelming for her when it is a big deal for her.
Just a thought, you are still NTJ. The relationship between your love for her and your phone lock screen is definitely a stretch too far, and I’m sure you can come up with another way to symbolize your love for her, which seems to be what she is seeking.” NoteRCT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s ‘just a lock screen picture’ she shouldn’t be so hung up about it. If she accepts that it can be important, she should be ok with you having the picture of an important deceased person. Case solved. I would have a calm talk about it with her.
Telling that she should not push things you don’t want to talk about yet. Sometimes it takes time to open up about things. But you love her and won’t withhold info from her that is important for her to know. And you don’t need a picture of her on the phone to be reminded how much you love her.
You feel it. If that’s not ok with her, she might be too immature for this relationship” No-Marzipan-7767
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Flatmate's Partner For 2 Months?
“My flatmate messaged me the day before she was due to arrive back home from holiday to let me know that her partner would be coming back to live with us for 2 months and he would be finding a job while he lived with us.
He moved overseas to live and work for a year and then if things didn’t work out in the other country he would probably move back with her.
I was really annoyed, she let me know less than 24 hours that he would be living with us and she didn’t ask either, just let me know it was happening.
I said I wasn’t ok with it and I was really clear that this is completely unfair on me and disrespectful. Our house is quite small and I didn’t agree to live with 3 people in a small 2 bedroom house, let alone a couple.
She said sorry, but she will do what she can to make sure I’m not inconvenienced. I let her know if this was happening he had to pay his share, I wasn’t happy and I wouldn’t be around much. We used to spend a lot of time together hanging out and watching similar TV shows and I let her know that I wouldn’t do that anymore and instead would just do my own thing in my room or stay out of the house.
She said she agreed with me and she would talk to him.
When I got home after work, they were both there like nothing was wrong. When she and I finally got to talk on our own I repeated everything I had said and she agreed with everything and let me know it’s only for 2 months, hopefully.
I asked if he was moving back because I would move out, I don’t want to be living in limbo. She said he wasn’t and she didn’t want to change her life when he would leave. I asked if she was sure because he’s here for 2 months and I seemingly got no choice in this so what if he decides to stay and then what happens to me?
She said she spoke with him and he’s really depressed that things didn’t work out how he thought in the other country and she doesn’t want to push him or upset him. I let her know I still wasn’t happy about this situation and she agreed and then nothing happened. I said I wouldn’t hang out much, I’m annoyed and I don’t want to get so frustrated that I end up saying hurtful things because I feel stuck and unhappy.
I thought about it and even though it’s only been a week I’m still really uncomfortable about it so I decided to tell her that I want to move out or he needs to find somewhere else to stay for 2 months because I don’t want to be uncomfortable in my own house.
I feel bad because I know I’ve put her in a trashy situation because she obviously hasn’t spoken to him about all this or if she has they are both pretending everything is fine, making my feelings about this seem very dismissed.
Also if he does move back overseas after 2 months she’s then stuck with a lease she probably can’t afford on her own.
But I also don’t want to be living for 2 months in a situation I never agreed to and then possibly at the end of it, having to find a new place anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate made a major decision unilaterally without ever asking you and giving you almost no notice.
Something like this, essentially taking on another roommate, is something that any one of the roommates has veto power over. In short: it requires two ‘Yes’ votes for it to be acceptable.
You shouldn’t worry about putting your roommate in a tough position – after all, she didn’t give a second thought about putting you into a tough position.
After all – she was so worried about upsetting her partner, but not at all about upsetting you. And you have no guarantee that he will find, or even look for a job while he is there.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a terrible situation for you to be in.
She just can’t move someone else in without your approval. Did you both sign the lease and does it even allow another person? Personally, I would be looking for another place to live immediately. Just make sure you aren’t still responsible for rent if you leave.
It’s too bad for her if she ends up living alone in the house and can’t afford it. She created the situation by not even discussing it with you.” tatersprout
12. AITJ For Wanting My Brother's Son To Keep His Dog On A Leash During Thanksgiving?
“My sister invited me, my brother, our cousin, and our kids to her inlaws for Thanksgiving. We were all to stay in the same house with her 80-year-old in-laws. Over 20 people, for 3 days. My brother’s son brought his new rescue pit bull dog that he had for only 3 weeks.
My brother claims that since he asked my sister’s partner who said yes, it was not rude. No one informed or consulted the other invited guests if they would be comfortable with this. My daughter has been bitten by her friend’s dog in the past. When I accidentally found out about this plan 3 days before Thanksgiving I told them it was not ok and they should not bring the dog.
It was a new dog, a dangerous breed, a chaotic house full of strangers, food, etc.
My sister’s partner is the nicest guy and a pleaser and while he didn’t want the dog there he didn’t know how to say no. In confidence, his mother told me that she was just told, not asked that the dog was coming.
I don’t think it is my brother’s place or his son’s place to assess whether this dog is safe for me and my family, especially since they have only had it for 3 weeks.
The back story here is that we were only doing this Thanksgiving because this same family member routinely brought uninvited guests to our parents’ Thanksgiving and we were consequently all disinvited this year from spending it with our parents.
I feel like they don’t understand the basic rules of etiquette and being a good guest. And that sometimes is not even ok to ask and put the host on the spot, you should just not do it.
Am I the jerk? I insisted he keep it on a leash or in the basement and away from me and my girls.
I also made it known I thought it was rude and inconsiderate.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… why is the sister’s partner approving guests at his parents’ house? Why is your sister inviting you to her in-laws’ house instead of hosting herself? Are you sure you guys were actually invited or are your family just really entitled to other people’s resources?
Why were you uninvited from your parents’ house over someone else’s inviting guests? This is a really odd situation. Are you sure you were invited by the guy’s parents? I wouldn’t say you’re the only jerk. I’d say it was a bit rude to talk about who or what someone should have in their own house.
It was up to the host to tell them not to bring the dog.
The host is a jerk for putting you in the middle by saying that the dog wasn’t wanted by you but not telling the other person who was going to bring it.
Seems a bit passive-aggressive and not forthright. Sounds like the mom did tell you once she found out that the dog was coming so she’s not really the jerk in that respect.
You’re the jerk for reaching out to the other guest instead of just declining the invitation.
Now you know who the host is and to avoid gatherings at their house. The person bringing the dog is also the jerk because they didn’t even clear it with the actual host. They asked the host’s son, it was inappropriate for them to approve a guest of this type.
And it was inappropriate for the son to answer instead of saying oh, let me check with my mom. It’s perfectly reasonable to decline the invitation under these circumstances, and it sucks that it’s so close to the actual holiday so you possibly can’t make other plans.
I think it’s perfectly understandable that you wouldn’t want to take your family to meet a strange dog with an unknown personality during a time that is stressful for even people that know each other very well.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I understand this correctly, the event is being held at your sister’s in-laws’ home (the parents of her partner).
Your brother wanted to take his dog, so asked your sister’s partner (a representative of his parents, and believed to be speaking on their behalf), who said it was fine. It is not your place to police who does and does not attend someone else’s event.
It is your place to decide for yourself if you are willing to attend alongside the dog without saying anything, or making your complaint to the host and possibly pulling out of attending if you are not happy to visit alongside the dog.
The rude person here is the guy who okayed the dog without consulting anyone else (least of all the actual hosts).
What you are expecting your brother to have done is call around every other invitee (sober of whom he probably won’t know) to confirm if they are happy with the rules he was given by the host’s son? If anything that is something that should have been done by the host as part of the planning.” Nrysis
11. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Husband's Driver?
“My husband got a DUI and is currently serving his license suspension as a part of ARD. He got this DUI after I had warned him that his habit of driving after a few too many drinks was going to backfire one day and that I was concerned for his safety as well as the ramifications of getting a DUI.
While I was pregnant and a few months before our wedding, the day came when I got a call from a cop that my husband was pulled over and he was over the BACL. Terrible timing financially speaking (baby, wedding), and waiting to pick up your husband from his sentence while 6 months pregnant is also not fun.
I was livid, a DUI was somewhat of a dealbreaker for me, but we decided to work through it and come out stronger. Since then my husband has diligently been working to better himself all around, and I admire that. However, I had some boundaries surrounding this DUI such as, not paying for any lawyer or ARD fees with my money, and not driving him to work when he loses his license (on principle but also very inconvenient with a 4-month-old).
He has asked me to run some errands since he has been without a license. Not a problem since I normally would do that anyway, and I would never let him go without something he needs. However, he asked me to buy him a Bronkaid.
He has been taking this as a cheaper alternative to coffee or pre-workout and to lose weight. I wasn’t a fan of this when it started a few weeks ago, but ultimately I can’t tell him what to buy or take into his own body.
When he asked me to buy it for him, which I would have to use my license to buy, I said no, because (feel free to research) Bronkaid has some serious, even deadly side effects when used long term or used when you already have high b***d pressure (he does) as it elevates your b***d pressure.
I stated that I was drawing a boundary and did not feel comfortable using my license to purchase it and did not want to enable him to take something that could be so harmful to him and wasn’t necessary. However, I did buy him coffee to take to work instead to help him stay awake.
He accused me of being controlling and said it wasn’t right for me to not do him this favor and hang him for not having a license over his head. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have a much bigger problem.
Your husband drinks too much and thank goodness the ONLY consequences are some minor inconveniences to the two of you. It’s sheer luck he didn’t kill someone else or himself. This is literally the least of the enviable consequences of drinking & driving. And you knew he was a danger to himself & others.
Now he’s abusing OTC medicines that put his health in real danger. He’s now calling you controlling and admonishing you for not actively participating in his substance use. He has not bettered himself. He has not learned any lesson from his arrest. He is an addict who is actively destroying his health and getting angry with you for not supporting & participating in him.
You need to take a long hard look at your life and the example you & your husband are setting for your child.” KindlyCelebration223
Another User Comments:
“Tell him you will consider it ONLY after he goes in for a full and complete physical with his physician including a liver test given his heavy drinking and if the doctor says it is safe for him to consume it.
If HE wants to purchase it with HIS money taking the bus to get it, it is his prerogative but you saying you are not purchasing it for him is not being controlling – it is self-preservation given his past behavior, health issues, and the fact that you guys share a child.
Make THAT your very reasonable boundary.
I have a friend who lost her partner to drinking addiction last week. He passed away due to organ failure as a result of his heavy drinking. What you are asking of him with the above is reasonable. NTJ” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Stop Telling My Son I Am Not His Real Mom?
“My husband’s first wife passed away when my son Joshua was two. We met and later married when Joshua was five. His maternal grandparents are still a large part of his life even now that he is twelve. We have never tried to keep them away.
My husband and I are now having our second child and Joshua has started acting up. It is strange because he is a loving and well-behaved boy.
Lately, he has been saying that I’m not his real mom and that he doesn’t have to listen to me.
I thought maybe he was saying what other kids in his school say to their step-parents. It would be odd since I’ve been his mom since he was three and a half.
It turns out that his mother’s parents are the ones telling him that.
I don’t know what started it but I’m ending it. I spoke with my husband and he agreed with me.
My husband works out of town and his inlaws are still relatively young and still work. I called them and said that since they were telling him he did not need to listen to me I would be dropping him off with them.
I provided his school and extracurricular schedule and told them I expected him to attend everything.
I never spoke with Joshua about this. I never had any intentions of following through.
They started fighting me immediately saying that I had no right to kick him out.
I said I wasn’t kicking him out. But that I had a small child at home and was in my third trimester. I wasn’t going to deal with a kid my size who refused to follow the house rules because of them. I said that I had copies of all the texts where they told him that he did not have to do as I said so they could deal with him when my husband was out of town.
They do not have a child-friendly home. They have lots of small, expensive, breakable things all over. And his grandfather has professional clients in the house all the time. A twelve-year-old would not be a good fit.
They said that they were sorry for interfering and that they would tell him that they were wrong.
I insisted on witnessing it. And I told them not to bring up the threat or I would follow through.
They did it. Afterward, Joshua apologized for his behavior and said he was kind of lost since I was going to have a son of my own.
I told him that he was my son and had been for a very long time. I could see them grinding their teeth. They seem to think that if I’m his mom then they are nothing. This whole thing is weird. But they are upset that I manipulated them into this position.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your kid is not a pawn, even when trying to get others to admit flaws. They should never have said that. You do not replace his mom, you are a second mom. No less important, but not his bio mom.
Be careful about how you phrase this in front of the grandparents whose daughter died – they watch someone else do the things they wish their daughter was alive to do. Are you that kid’s mom? Yup! But never forget to give acknowledgment and respect to the mom who delivered him and that he lost. It will also drastically improve the grandparents’ relationship if the mom is remembered for the son, while the second mom is also respected.
Your approach is a fun story, but you could have just mentioned to them that you saw the texts and they need to adjust their behavior. Then use the drop off as a last resort if they weren’t getting it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you are missing the point.
‘They seem to think that if I’m his mom then they are nothing.’ I don’t think it is about you, him or them. I think this is about their daughter. If you are his mom it is like she never even existed. Their child died and all they have left of her is him.
This doesn’t excuse their behaviour but it might explain it. Imagine having to watch someone live the life your child never got. Maybe they just need reminding that their daughter is still his mother and you are not a replacement for her but just additional love.
Also, this will have to be a bigger conversation about boundaries and behavior when your husband is around.” Awkward_Un1corn
Another User Comments:
“No I’m sorry but everyone sucks here. Your husband’s in-laws for the obvious reason of causing trouble, but your way of handling it could have backfired so easily.
What would you have done if Joshua had found out? His grandparents are whispering his stepmother has a do-over baby on the way and that he’s not your son, and you could easily have caused a situation that reinforced that belief in him!
You’re not safe even now – what if this does all blow over and in a year or so’s time someone jokingly brings up the time you threatened to abandon him at his grandparents just to teach them a lesson?
And when he found out they were so scared of having him in their house they panicked and apologised! How upsetting would that be for him? He’s not a pawn to shut up your in-laws. You simply could have sat down with all of them, told them to cut it out and that Joshua is your son, and that be the end of it for everybody.
You were lucky this time but that luck may not even hold now.” weirwoodheart
9. AITJ For Not Helping My Former Roommates Pay Rent?
“I (31) recently moved to a new country and got 3 roommates, two 21s and a 24, to save on expenses while job searching. At first, they seemed chill and nice enough to get along with but about 3 months into living there, it got intense.
One of the 21-year-olds was non-existent so I won’t talk much about her.
The dynamic was very strange between the other 2 roommates who I later found out were exes but had an almost co-dependent mother/child dynamic (not my problem) but they tried getting me into this family dynamic where I was expected to provide for them financially with groceries and driving them around places because I made more money than them when I found a job and was the only one with a car.
In the beginning, I didn’t mind and they said I didn’t have to but it was nice of me to offer. It slowly started to get to a point where they expected me to keep doing this so when I mentioned that we should at least split the grocery bill or not eat out every day, they would agree but never do anything about it.
I personally find it awkward to talk about money and ask for others to pay me back so I started to look into moving out because I didn’t want to stay in that environment.
Come mid-October we had mutual friends come to visit and I decided to stay with them because I needed to be away from my roommates at the time to have a clear head and look at apartments.
I’m then accused of ‘hogging’ our mutual friends and forbidding my roommates from seeing our friends because I’m the only one with a car and didn’t offer to drive them back and forth to the Airbnb to hang out with everyone.
There was a big fight the next few days and I couldn’t take it anymore so I rented a U-Haul and grabbed my stuff to start moving somewhere else.
One of my roommates then tried something drastic, I wouldn’t get into detail, but I knew I couldn’t live in there anymore. I was further proved right when she apologized to me about the incident and tried to get me to move back in, saying things would be different now.
I told her that I’d paid for November but couldn’t move back in and that they could keep the rent and look for someone to replace me in the next 6 weeks.
Fast forward to a few days before December and they message me saying that they haven’t found anyone and want me to pay for December rent because the lease won’t allow anyone to move in until the new year because of how I left (I didn’t sign any lease when I moved in so that made no sense to me).
The way I see it, I did my part by giving them Nov rent and tried to help find a roommate but they refused and said they didn’t want me as a middleman and would find someone on their own.
They told me that they won’t be able to pay for Dec and that their third roommate (the non-existent one) hasn’t been paying her share and they now owe over $2400 and don’t have the money for it.
Am I the jerk for not helping?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope NTJ. You didn’t say if they were paying rent, only that you got roommates in order to help with expenses. However, if you were paying for the groceries and they weren’t helping with the food bill, and you were playing taxi, then you were pulling more than your fair share of the financial burden.
You gave 6 weeks’ notice and you paid the rent for that time period and since you never signed a lease, technically, you were on a ‘month to month’ setup. If they can now no longer pay rent, then that’s a ‘them’ problem not a ‘you’ problem.
I would move on and not look back.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Friend, they’ve emptied your cup and are demanding more. These are parasitic leeches. They made their bed – now they get to sleep in it. NTJ.
Stand your ground – they had 6 weeks to fill the room, didn’t, and are trying to make their lack of planning your responsibility.
God nah! I wouldn’t even engage at this point beyond ‘I moved out on (this date) with the agreement you could keep November rent so you’d have six weeks to find a roommate. I never signed a lease, so whatever you’re referring to isn’t related to me.
I wish you the best of luck, but I need to step away from this scenario’.” ShesDaBomb
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Sister-In-Law's Kid Anymore?
“I (female 28) am with my fiancé (male 28) and together we have an almost 2-year-old.
When my SIL (32) had her child I offered to watch her child while she got back into work because I understand it’s hard leaving your small baby in a daycare. This was never intended to be long-term but a nice gesture from me as I don’t charge her.
However, I am now pregnant again with my second child. I am 3 months pregnant and struggling with emotions and morning sickness. I can barely be present for my 2-year-old nonetheless watch my child and her almost 1-year-old. Her child cries a lot due to teething and I’m not sure how to soothe her as she doesn’t nap well and is a generally fussy baby compared to my child.
I’m at my wit’s end and have cried to my fiancé multiple times about how emotionally draining it is to watch both. I mentioned to my SIL that they need to find childcare as well as my fiancé and he said that my SIL asked to bear with them while they find a place but mentioned she thinks she may have found a place.
That was a MONTH ago.
So now I’m growing impatient and annoyed as I feel as though I’m struggling mentally and nobody seems to care even though I have made it apparent how much of a burden it is for me. If that was my child I would’ve found a place within a week or two.
However, I’m at a loss of how to bring it up again without appearing rude and my fiancé says to be patient as he is sure it’s almost done but I argue how he would know that when there seems to be no end date in sight.
If I bring it up again, AITJ? Should I wait another month? Help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Easy out – talk to your doctor and tell him how stressed out you are from watching the child and ask for their opinion on how that stress might affect your baby.
Your doctor will likely agree that the stress is too much and unhealthy for you and the baby. Then simply tell your SIL that and say you have to stop and it’s non-negotiable – doctor’s orders.
I say all this to make it easier for you to end the situation without getting blamed for being uncaring or indifferent or whatever.
The ‘blame’ passes to your doctor, which I’m sure your doctor will be glad to back you up on. It’s a lot better than just saying ‘No,’ because these are family members that you will likely have to deal with for a long time.
Giving an abrupt ‘No’ can cause a lot of bad b***d. This will likely get you out of the situation with no bad b***d.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“Politeness here is your enemy. Please write what you want to say, so you’re not made to feel guilty and back down when you have the conversation.
Your SIL would have realized at some point that your offer wasn’t a set-in-stone offer to watch her child without any end date. Otherwise, you’d be stuck babysitting the child through to adulthood. Clearly daft. So throw that worry away. It was simply a kind offer which you were very generous to actually do for such an extended period.
Many people say things like that and don’t even follow through once. So please put that aside.
She should be extremely grateful for all the free help you have given. She probably won’t be, but remember she should be. A bunch of flowers, an offer to take you out for coffee and cake at her expense, that’s what, on her side, politeness dictates.
This was a massive help for her. Just explain your health is declining with trying to watch 2 very young children and being pregnant. So, to ensure her child is properly looked after, you simply can’t watch the baby anymore. You don’t want to risk something happening to her child.
Unfortunately, this is with immediate effect. You’ll be surprised how easily people will sort out an alternative without having to quit their jobs. She’s earning and presumably her partner is, so they can pay for childcare, or her family or friends can help. Her child is not your problem.
You need your husband to protect you and your family, this sounds like it’s severely affected your health.
Look after yourself, your unborn baby, and your 2-year-old. They come before anyone else’s needs. Be strong and keep thinking of your children, be firm and don’t take any further calls from anyone for a few days while they work it out, let them deal with their own child.” Bubbly_Inspection270
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Dogs' Well-Being?
“I (33 F) am single and don’t have children, so I usually buy Christmas gifts for my siblings (15 M and 12 F) and my mom (54 F). I also have two dogs (9 F and 10 F) who get a nice bone on that day. Yes, I’m aware my dogs don’t know or care it’s Christmas, I just like to treat them, especially on that day.
As the dogs are getting older, they’re (as can be expected) developing health problems. Both have recently been diagnosed with osteoarthritis; they have a treatment for it, but it’s not exactly cheap.
Because of the cost of treatment, and because everything in general is getting more expensive, I told my mom and siblings that I didn’t have the budget for Christmas gifts this year; it was either paying for the treatments or buying the gifts.
My sister was a bit disappointed but said she understood. My brother was fine with it as well. My mom however seems to think it’s scandalous, she says she doesn’t care about not getting a gift herself, but my siblings should take priority over the dogs.
This is alarming to me since she has two pets herself and makes me think if/when they get health issues, she won’t make them a priority.
Her husband agrees with her (not surprised there, they always agree with each other when it comes to disagreeing with me) and my grandparents are saying I should skip treatment for the dogs in December in order to buy my siblings gifts.
Only my aunt is on my side, but she’s not-so-secretly considered a ‘crazy cat lady’ by my family because at 52 she’s single and childfree with three cats.
I think it’s crazy to ask me to compromise my dogs’ health just to buy stuff for my siblings that they don’t actually need. Especially since they’ll be getting gifts from the rest of the family so it’s not like mine would make much of a difference for them.
They are also old enough to understand – and do understand, as evidenced by their reactions.
My mother is now threatening to uninvite me from Christmas Eve, which we usually spend together at her house if I don’t agree to get gifts for my siblings.
They’ve tried to say it’s fine, but it’s not like my family is in the habit of listening to the children when they don’t agree with the adults.
So many family members are against me that I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually the jerk and crazy for putting the dogs first.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It says a lot about our society that gifts are an expectation. Christmas should be celebrated with family, not by buying gifts. Your dogs’ health is a necessity and I think it’s very cold-hearted of your family to expect you to let your dogs suffer for some meaningless junk.
If they are so upset about gifts, they can buy gifts for you to give to your sisters.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Goodbye to presents for EVERYONE would be my take. I’d tell them I’m not comfortable giving or receiving gifts with anyone anymore but I’d love to be allowed to spend the day with my loving family.
If this isn’t good enough or the end of it then stay home with your doggies & do your own Xmas thing! This is just another way for a bored/unfulfilled parent to control you.” Amannderrr
6. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Child-Free Friend?
“I (29 F) have been friends with a girl, let’s just call her Kay. I have been friends with Kay (29 F) for 14 years, recently I and Kay have been hanging out more often as over the years we lost contact but then regained it.
When we were in high school she had made it clear that she did not want to have children, which I was 100% supportive of because not everyone wants to be a parent. Everyone has a reason why they make those types of decisions. However, I was always just the opposite I always wanted children and a family but I never pushed that on her.
Fast forward 13 years down the line, when we reconnected for the first time since 2012 last year. I am a delivery driver for Doordash and my husband works nights and I don’t like to deliver alone at night. She rides with me so I’m not alone and we talk and goof off and jam out to Taylor Swift and other favorite artists while I’m delivering and we have fun.
She has a wild streak in her where she wants to live life to the fullest and I support her and try to be a part of her dreams as much as possible, but there are times when I have to say no because I don’t have someone to watch my children.
I don’t just push them onto someone they are my responsibility I chose to have them. She will often make snide comments like ‘This is why I never had kids’ or ‘Kids take all your money and I’m glad I never had them.’ She often proceeds to get angry with me when I choose to take care of my babies instead of going on crazy adventures with her that are spur of the moment.
Another issue that I have is she doesn’t drive and she has no one else to take her on crazy adventures but me or my husband. One day she was really hyped about a concert she wanted to go to and I told her I couldn’t go because my husband had to work and it was in a big city.
I have severe anxiety and I cannot drive in big cities she is aware of this she proceeded to tell me to have my husband play hooky from his job so we could go and she would pay for everything. I got upset with her and said no we have bills to pay and our children to take care of he can’t.
She got upset with me and started in on snide comments about kids to make me feel bad for choosing to be a mom. I blew up at her and told her it was rude and inconsiderate for her to say those things to me.
As I have never made rude comments to her about her not having kids or told her that ‘she just needed to have kids’, Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand your friend being disappointed that you can’t be as spontaneous and wild with her as you might have been in your younger days, and some of the ‘Haha that’s why I don’t want kids’ comments can be chalked off as light-hearted fun, but she definitely takes it too far.
Getting upset with you and your husband for just living your lives and going to work, rather than dropping everything to chill with her, shows a lack of maturity at best.
It’s fine that she doesn’t want to have kids but even if she doesn’t understand why you feel differently, she should at least understand that the kids themselves are, y’know, living human beings that you can’t just ditch at a moment’s notice.
Accepting that your friends have responsibilities (whether that’s work, childcare, supporting elderly family members, or whatever) is a part of growing up that your friend should have grasped by the age of 29 – hopefully she gets there soon.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
You are choosing to honor the commitments you have already made and to take your responsibilities seriously. That’s a choice you made a while back and you’re sticking with it. She is asking you to throw those responsibilities off but doesn’t seem to appreciate that doing so will adversely affect your finances and that it would go against your own values to do what she suggests.
Maybe you should have a conversation in which you lay out that while you value her friendship, you are on different paths in life and you won’t be changing yours to be more like hers. Some people find satisfaction in having the freedom to do whatever they want at any moment.
Others find satisfaction in taking on responsibilities and goals and achieving them. Lots of people are somewhere in between. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but it does mean that you won’t be joining her on her adventures. You can lay all that out and see what happens from there.” Ahjumawi
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Husband's Last Name?
“I was in my late-thirties when I married my husband in 2019. For a lot of reasons I always knew I would keep my surname regardless of whom I married and I would continue to use the title ‘Ms.’ as opposed to ‘Mrs.’ My husband knew this and was/is fine with it.
It was and remains a nonissue with us.
We eloped in NYC in a lovely private ceremony and afterward sent out wedding announcements signed ‘Husband’s First + Last Name and My First + Last (unchanged) Last Name.’ Every card we have subsequently sent for holidays, birthdays, etc. has been affixed with a return address label with each of our full legal names.
My MIL and I are not super close but have always been cordial to each other. But ever since my husband and I married every single card my MIL has sent to us has been addressed to ‘Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Full Legal Name.’ That is not my legal or preferred name.
I am not ‘Mrs.’ anyone and I am especially not ‘Mrs. Husband’s Given and Legal First + Last Name.’ I have asked my husband several times in the past four years if his mother knows I didn’t change my name when we married and he has assured me that she knows.
After receiving a Thanksgiving card from my MIL addressed once again to ‘Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Full Legal Name’. I texted her and politely informed her that I wasn’t sure if she knew I kept my given surname and joked that she was the only ‘Mrs. Husband’s Last Name’ that I know.
Not only was her radio silence deafening but she didn’t call or text me or my husband for Thanksgiving as she usually does. She is clearly not happy with my gentle reminder and being very passive-aggressive about it.
My own mother advised me to choose my battles with my MIL wisely and said I am technically ‘Mrs. Husband’s First and Last Name’ but I feel like wanting to be referred to by my legal name is not a big ask.
I feel that it is disrespectful and rude to disregard a person’s chosen name and call them whatever you want to call them.
So AITJ for asking my MIL to refer to me by my proper and chosen name?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT technically Mrs. Husband’s last name d****t!
You are not his property or an extension of him. The reason why women were called Mrs. George Williamson (example, made up) was because legally a wife was an extension of her husband. She was not her own person in the eyes of the law.
If she wants to accept that as her role in her marriage that is HER choice, but you have made your choice and she is not respecting it. She doesn’t have to like it or agree but she does have to respect it. NTJ!” AlexisDanaan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL doesn’t get to decide your name and you are not, ‘technically Mrs. Husband’s first and last name.’ You are your own person. You are not an extension of your husband. You have your own rights independent of his.
Your MIL is being rude.” Bartok_The_Batty
4. AITJ For Not Being Happy About Our Mom Remarrying?
“My mom got remarried 4 years ago to a guy called ‘Dave’. For most of our childhoods, it was just mom, my brother (13 m), and me (16 m). Our dad died when we were little and I remember and miss him but I did eventually adjust to it being the three of us.
Part of me found a way to like the way things were even though most of the time I longed for Dad to suddenly be alive. My brother doesn’t remember him but he did form a connection through Mom’s stories of Dad and all the home movies we have.
Then mom married Dave and Dave’s two kids ‘Ella (8 f) and Michael (7 m)’ moved in with us. My brother struggled the most with it. He had quite a few freak-outs in the first 18 months and one time, Mom sent Ella to watch a movie with us and my brother started yelling and asking why someone was intruding on our sibling time.
Mom freaked out about that because she really didn’t like that my brother was so upset about Ella and Michael being included. Whenever Dave would try to parent us he’d also get very upset and start getting loud in the way he does when he gets upset.
It’s not loud in the typical sense but his whole voice changes.
My brother also has f****l tics and he has a lot of them when mom is trying to promote family bonding. So if we all go to a movie or if we’re forced to do some kind of family picnic or something, my brother will struggle to control his face because of how much it bothers him (certain emotions trigger his f****l tics worse).
A couple of weeks ago, Mom was telling us that we needed to start including Ella in our Minecraft time because she plays the game and she has expressed an interest in being included. My brother had a physical reaction to that and mom asked him why he was so bothered by it.
He struggled to get the words out because his voice changed again. But he eventually told her that he preferred life before she remarried and then he went up to our bedroom. Mom looked exhausted and she was talking to herself and I think she was finding it hard to keep it together.
She asked me why I hadn’t been able to talk him around. I told her it was because I agreed with him and I preferred it before. She got really upset and stormed out of the house for a while. Dave was home so his kids weren’t just alone with us.
But the next day, Mom told me I had piled on her for no reason and I don’t have being autistic as an excuse to hate that she remarried. She told me I should be helping my brother come around to our ‘new siblings’ and that I should know how scary his behavior can be for them and if they knew I hated having them around it would really upset them.
Ever since that point, she’s made comments about how disappointed she is in me. I get more comments than when my brother says something to her because she asks or approaches him. I can feel how angry she is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You answered her question, you weren’t piling on her.
I am confused about something… did she ask either of you about how you felt BEFORE she got married? If she did and you both were honest about it, then she’s the jerk for continuing with the marriage right then instead of postponing it. Blending families can be difficult, but it can also be extremely easy, it just depends on how the parents brought everyone together.
The Brady Bunch really did the whole nuclear family idea a huge injustice, though.
The next time she says she’s disappointed in you for not manipulating your brother around to her way of thinking, just look at her and say that you’re disappointed in her as well for expecting YOU to be the grown-up and making everything okay.” ahopskip_andajump
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your mother is having difficulty with the fact that you guys don’t like the new situation and never did. She reacted badly to the truth and that’s unfair to you and your brother. This isn’t just adjusting to Dave – it’s 3 new people and your lives changing drastically.
You should talk to your mother and tell her that you and your brother are not doing well and need help navigating this situation. If you both can’t say – try writing it. I hope you both get therapy and support and that your mother listens to you.” Listen_2learn
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Ex-Wife To Stay With Us?
“My partner (44 m) and I (35 f) have been together for 5 years. He is still close with his ex-wife and they share a teenager. She is constantly around and I have said that I wish we could have better boundaries.
She will just show up whenever she wants and they talk about stuff regarding us and he still feels the need to take care of her when she is not feeling well. I get wanting to co-parent, but I do not like them talking about us or her just showing up unannounced whenever she wants.
He just says that is how she is and I need to deal.
My issue is not her coming over but doing it unannounced. We have 2 young children but they try to make all of the decisions for all of the kids. I’ve been asking to move closer to family for a while because it is hard to raise two young g kids with no help, not even daycare.
Anyway, her mom was very sick and she had to go out of town to take care of her. She decided to get rid of her apartment (which has always been within 15 minutes of us) and leave her cat with us. Now she is coming back and I was told that she was going to stay with a friend when she returns and was told this since before she left. Now that she is coming back in less than a week, I finally find out she is staying with us indefinitely and has not talked to her friend.
I only found this out because I pushed to get an answer, I felt like I was being lied to by weird cryptic comments he would make to her on the phone.
We have 3 kids and a large dog in our rental house. Things are already crowded and stressful and I just wanted to know what was going on.
Well, my partner is treating me like a jerk because I am upset that we didn’t have a conversation about this. Apparently, she just decided she was staying with us and didn’t ask him either but told him. I find this hard to believe and is part of what makes me so angry about the situation.
I don’t mind helping out but internally I like to have a plan. ‘I don’t know’ and ‘maybe’ for big life events are upsetting to me. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“If she moves in, I and the kids are moving out.
You didn’t sign up to be part of a throuple. I get having a great and friendly co-parenting relationship is most people’s goal, but neither she nor your partner respects any type of boundaries you try to have. Making decisions together about your kids? Absolutely not.
Turning up unannounced? No, she can call/text first like everyone else. She’s the one apparently deciding she IS staying with you, your partner is aware they can tell her no? That she’s NOT staying indefinitely? That’s she’s not staying at all? Because I don’t believe that he didn’t know or this wasn’t actually the plan.
I don’t know how long she was out of town, but unless it was months, I don’t see why she gave her place up, especially knowing she’d be returning at some point… NTJ.” Adorable-Reaction887
Another User Comments:
“Throw him out. Throw him out right now.
The problem is not his ex, it’s him. He’s been discussing you and your private couple issues with her; he’s been trying to reach decisions about how to raise your two children with her; and now he’s gone behind your back to invite her to move in indefinitely.
No. Let me put that another way: NO! Unless the notion of a harem or a sister’s wife appeals to you, what he’s trying for is completely unacceptable. I’m pretty sure that if you throw him out, he will immediately rent an apartment for the two of them.
Move back near your family with the kids so you’ll have some good support You are not the woman who’s his first priority. And who on earth would expect you to put up with that? NTJ” Nester1953
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Mom With My Half-Siblings?
“My parents divorced when I (17 m) was 5. I’m not sure why. Part of me has always figured Dad had an affair because he was with someone suspiciously fast afterward, like that same month fast, but my mom never spoke about it.
She just told me both she and dad loved me and that would never change and I would never have to choose between my parents.
My dad was in two live-in relationships post-divorce. When I was 7 he was with ‘Jen’ and had Luna (9) with her and then when I was 10 he was with ‘Bree’ and had Harry (7) with her.
Jen and Bree both stopped being moms to their kids and so my dad became a single full-time parent to my half-siblings. From that point onward my dad has tried to convince mom she could step up and at least fill some kind of female role model relationship with them.
He also corrects me on the half siblings term and says we are just siblings and if I were to call them just my siblings, it might soften mom’s heart to being a female or maternal figure for them.
He would ask Mom on my behalf to let me have my half siblings over to her house during her custody time (my parents share equal time with me).
He would claim I really missed my half-siblings when I was gone and he would claim I wanted to spend every holiday with them, etc. None of this is true. I never said those things or implied them.
Luna is having a really hard time having no female family members.
She has a dad, two half-brothers, and an uncle. So Dad has been more forceful about Mom’s part in all of this lately and now he is trying to rope me in more.
He sat me down recently and told me my half-siblings deserve to have moms and I could help them with that, I could share my mom and let them feel the love they deserve to feel.
He said I have always treated them like lesser siblings. First with always using half and then with not trying to include them in my life at my mom’s house. He told me this is where my role as big brother needs to really take off.
In response, I told him it’s not my job and has never been my job to provide my half-siblings with a mom. I told him it was on him and their actual moms to do that. And I told him it was sick how he kept trying to rope my mom in.
I told him to accept that he only had one kid with mom and she was only obligated to care for me. His answer to that was I was disappointing him with both my response and lack of concern for the overall well-being of my half-siblings and he told me to do better, be better, and care more about my innocent little siblings.
I told my mom about it and she tore Dad a new one for putting this on me. She told me I was not wrong in what I said to him. But my uncle also said I could have more compassion for my innocent half-siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but are you fully aware that your dad doesn’t think your mum is a real person? He is not attempting to convince her to take on this (ridiculously inappropriate) role. He seems to think that if he can convince you (the male) then she will just do whatever the men in her life tell her to do.
Watch for that, in how he’s raising your half-siblings. Because it’s not your job to get your mum to parent them, and it’s not your job to parent them yourself – but if they’re going to be raised with only his influence, they could probably do with a fairly sane big brother looking out for them!” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can have compassion on your siblings because they have a terrible dad who was unfaithful to your mam, went and had 2 children with other women and now wants to force your mom to take those women places when she ‘wasn’t good enough initially’.
That’s the only thing to have compassion about. The rest is his circus to deal with, not your or your mom’s job to fill that void he created. If he wanted a mom for his kids, he should have picked his partners with his head, not with his other body parts.
You can argue that some people show their true color after years, but he’s had 2 women who left their kids so I beg to differ that their character wasn’t questionable from the beginning. Can’t you go low contact with him? And even no contact if he doesn’t cut out with his crap.” Comfortable_Way_1261
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Should Have Just Been Grateful To Our Parents?
“I (19 f) have a 14-year-old sister who is extremely spoiled by my parents and my entire family. My parents had been saving up for the last year to pay for my sister’s braces. Today my dad decided to give my sister her Christmas present early.
When I gave her the money she thought our parents were letting her buy whatever she wanted but when my dad told her it was for her braces she burst into tears. She started to tell my parents that’s not what she wanted for Christmas and that she wanted something else.
So my dad decided to give her $200 out of the original grand to let her buy whatever she wanted and the rest would go towards her braces. My dad didn’t understand why she was upset since she was the same one who was complaining to my dad a month ago about wanting to get braces.
After we were done talking I went upstairs with her and called her a jerk. I told her it wasn’t fair to our parents who had been working their butts off to save the money in the first place, especially in this economy. I explained to her that even if she didn’t like what the money was going towards she should’ve just been grateful for it and left it at that to not make my parents feel bad.
When I said all this to her she started to cry even more and ran into the bathroom. When I try talking to her she ignores me and when I go to her room she tells me to get out. Honestly, I am not apologizing to her regardless because after everything happened my mom came to me saying she felt upset at my sister because she didn’t know how hard it was to save when we were just getting by.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For this family, it seems that braces are a priority, and only so much money to go around. The 19-year-old understands what her parents have gone through to save this money. The 14-year-old does not realize what they did for the money.
She wants presents, where the 19-year-old has gone without. It’s not our place to determine what they can or can’t afford. Is it an ideal Christmas gift? I guess for some it would be. Not every family has extra money just because it’s Christmas.
They saved for her braces. 19-year-old could do better trying to explain to her sister. But you can’t force gratitude. The 14-year-old needs to understand her family’s limits and appreciate what they can do. Maybe in the future, the family can set up a Christmas account.
And family can quit spoiling her if money is so tight. Nothing worse than an entitled child growing into an entitled adult” karjeda
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Allow me to break it down: Your Parents – They spoiled your sister. They sacrifice your Christmas and bday gifts but still give to her.
On top of that, they gave a Christmas gift of money to go towards a more expensive dental procedure. What? As parents, if your child needs braces you save and get your child braces. You save costs where you can and meet the medical needs of your kids.
You don’t try and frame it as a gift as if they should be honored you’re taking care of them.
Also giving cash to your kid to go towards braces is like giving someone a slice of cake and then proceeding to lick it.
Your sister – It’s not really jerk behavior to dislike a gift, but to cry and throw a tantrum over it is.
Also, $200 is an amazingly generous gift for most people, let alone a family that is financially struggling, which I’d say may even be an irresponsible gift. She should be beyond grateful and not a little ashamed of herself.
You – You hounded your sister over her behavior while she was already emotional and unregulated. You pushed her so far that she needed to get away from you and hide in the bathroom. Then, when she shows she clearly needs space from you, you keep pushing her and trying to text/show up, etc, and not apologize for your insensitivity.
All of you need therapy.” User
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