People Are Unsure Of Themselves In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Remove A Lock?
“My brother-in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago.
He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane 18) with him a couple of months ago. His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren’t close but get along fine.
Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey’s privacy, none. They used to walk into her room and take everything they could get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop, etc. Zoey complained a lot and I’ve already asked the girls to respect Zoey’s privacy and stop taking things.
My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they’re girls and this is typical teenage girls’ behavior. I completely disagreed.
The last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup kit that looks like a paint set that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it.
Don’t know much about makeup but that’s what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed and was crying. I told my wife and she said she’d ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out of the house because of this incident!!!
Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren’t happy, the girls were extremely upset. Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said, ‘my daughters aren’t thieves!!!
It’s normal that girls of the same age borrow each other’s stuff.’ He said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from Walmart and shouldn’t even be buying expensive adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this “defect” in Zoey’s personality trying to appear older than she is.
He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.
I told him this is between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey’s door for her cousins to see and preventing them from “spending time” with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house.
She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family will hate me for this. So I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which is something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in.
If it wasn’t for her family’s unwillingness to help we wouldn’t be dealing with this much disturbance at home.
Everyone’s been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is a recurring theme here, people do not consider themselves thieves:
Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren’t happy, the girls were extremely upset.
Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said, “my daughters aren’t thieves!!!”
They seem to be under the wrongful impression that to be a thief you have to wear a mask and carry a crowbar.
But theft is:
“Theft is the taking of another person’s property or services without that person’s permission or consent with the intent to deprive the rightful owner of it.” — Theft – Wikipedia
This is literally what they have been doing. Taking stuff that wasn’t theirs. And the rightful owner incurred a loss.
Sammy, who is your guest, sounds like a jerk:
He said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from Walmart.
While this is probably true, it is none of his business. And doesn’t change a thing. If you steal from a store then the store owner could just get more stuff, but nobody (should) considers that to be an excuse.
“(He said Zoey) shouldn’t even be buying expensive adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this “defect” in Zoey’s personality trying to appear older than she is.”
Instead of talking to his kids, he blames the victim. “We took her stuff because she shouldn’t have said stuff. It would be better if my kids had her stuff!
Ugh!”
“He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.”
Not only does Sammy refuse to teach his kids not to take other people’s things, but he also considers you to be a bad parent.
Even if you were incorrect in how you raise your kid, even if it would be better if your daughter shared her make-up, he is in no position to demand it, and his daughters, who are guests in your house, should follow reasonable “house rules”.
Your wife is choosing her brother over her daughter (and you) and hasn’t thought things through. What if they next go through her things? What if Sammy next goes through her belongings?!?
Where does it end? Expecting people not to go through other people’s stuff is perfectly reasonable. Sammy is an entitled jerk.” QWxleA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Good on you for standing up for your daughter, your wife, BIL, and his daughters are the jerks.
Your wife’s argument that this is preventing them from “spending time” with her is completely invalid, they go into her room when she isn’t there and take her stuff.
Besides, they can “spend time” together in the living room or wherever else.
Your BIL is ignorant, MAC vs Walmart has no comparison. Calling your daughter a “defect” is rich for a man whose adult daughters steal from a child.
Perhaps he should fix this “defect” in their personalities.
Stand your ground, this means so much to your daughter, you cannot fathom it. Wife needs to stop enabling BIL/cousin’s bad behavior, she’s essentially picking them over her own husband and daughter, but I’m certain she doesn’t see that.” silfy_star
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“My daughters aren’t thieves!!! It’s normal that girls of the same age borrow each other’s stuff.”
His daughters are in fact thieves because there’s a thin line between stealing and borrowing and that is CONSENT.
His daughters don’t ask yours for permission on whether they can take something from her or not. They help themselves into her room, into her cabinets/closet, take whatever they feel entitled to, use it however they want even if they destroy it, and then IF SO your daughter might see the object they stole from her again.
You are being an amazing parent and Zoey will forever be grateful for having her back the way a parent should. Whereas, your wife… I don’t know if it’s the fact that those are her brother’s daughters or if she just doesn’t care about people getting through her daughter at whatever cost just to steal her property and damage it.
Also, funny how it went from ‘my daughters aren’t thieves’ to ‘my daughters just wanted to spend time with yours and now they aren’t allowed to do so .'” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister My Inheritance?
“Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in my or my sister’s life.
Dad left money (inheritance) for me and my sister and she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house. I live with my aunt right now cause my brother-in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister.
I’m planning on using my inheritance to pay for college tuition (I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet).
My sister & I haven’t been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral. only because he’s ill and shouldn’t be held accountable for his behavior.
I’ve distanced myself but my sister kept visiting a lot, lately venting about my brother-in-law’s condition. He’s been in and out of the hospital for heart problems and is in need of surgery.
She brought up my inheritance several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and she’d pay back in less than a year.
I felt uneasy cause if I give her funds from my inheritance which is a large amount then there’s no guarantee she’ll pay it back before it’s time to apply for college.
I’m taking a gap year but I know my sister can’t pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.
I refused to help and she had a meltdown at my aunt’s house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy.
She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and that I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father.
My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt-tripping me.
She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.
She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being a selfish and bad aunt and sister.
I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them funds I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No one has mentioned that your BIL would not let you stay with them when your dad died, but he’s perfectly happy letting you take care of his family while you stay at the Aunt’s house?
Please don’t give these people anything! The man has been sick for some time, they should not have wasted the funds your dad gifted them despite BIL being trash to dad!
Just because they’re family does not mean you have to have a relationship with your sister. Go be a doctor, save many more lives than this one. You’ve got this!
Good luck!!!” Paindonthurt74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister’s husband had poor health before you and your sister received your inheritances. Knowing this, they have made poor choices – everything from being generally unlikeable and rude to your father during his life to not supporting you by letting you live with them after your father passed away to spending their inheritance on renos and cars.
I would also point out that they have conveyed that they will not be there for you in your time of need (living situation).
All this to say that you need to look after yourself first… guilt-free.
Your aunt is right, this will permanently damage your relationship with your sister. My suspicion though is that your sister will always be reaching out to you for money, even more once you become a doctor, so establishing boundaries now will serve you well.
Edit to add: it is really awful of your sister to put this big, huge burden on your shoulders. You are only 18 years old and have recently lost your father and now need to make important decisions about your own future.
This makes me angrier the more I think about it. How dare she put you in this position.” LeeAllen3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is manipulating you. She received the same money you did.
If her husband is chronically ill then they should have saved that money for his care instead of spending it on luxury items. She probably always planned to spend her money and yours.
Will refusing to give her the funds damage your relationship with her? Probably. But do you really want to give up your future to preserve the relationship you have with her now?
Because it sounds like a terrible one. And don’t think that giving her this money will improve the relationship at all.” Forward_Squirrel8879
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Back The Car That's In My Name?
“Annie and Bonnie are a parent and adult child, respectively.
Bonnie and I have been, as the story starts out, romantically involved for less than 5 months.
I have the ability and tools to do certain jobs that Annie and Bonnie need done.
Annie wants to compensate me (which I tried to dissuade her from doing, but she insisted) but Annie doesn’t have the cash she thinks the work is worth. Instead, at Bonnie’s suggestion, Annie offers to trade a vehicle worth roughly what the jobs are worth.
This vehicle used to belong to her deceased son (Bonnie’s brother). It had also at that time sat idle for nearly 4 years. Because I like the vehicle and have the ability to bring it back to operating order, plus want to keep Annie happy, I accept the offer.
Afterward, Annie tells me that she preferred that the vehicle not go to Bonnie after I suggested that she drive it when she wanted (Annie said she was concerned about safety, as it’s a bit top-heavy, not a hardtop, and has nothing but a basic seatbelt).
I then find that Bonnie has been really wanting the vehicle anyway, even though she knew of her mother’s objections. At this point, I begin to suspect that Bonnie’s running a scheme to get the vehicle despite her mother’s wishes, but since it’s just a suspicion and otherwise we’re having a great relationship, I let it go.
I complete just about everything that Bonnie needed, plus some other things that come up incidentally. In the meantime, I’ve spent a good bit of money and time getting the vehicle back into operating order and making a few improvements.
The jobs I need to do for Annie require that one or both of them be present or allow me access to the out-of-town property. I complete a couple of days’ worth and then something weird happens.
Every opportunity that I have to work for Annie, Bonnie has convinced her to take a day trip or some other distraction or gives me conflicting information regarding the arrangements that keep me from being able to complete the work.
Bonnie goes quiet when I ask about this phenomenon, and our relationship falters.
Despite what I feel are one-sided efforts on my part to discuss these and other issues, our relationship starts to cool at the 10-11 month mark.
I make the split, finally and at the time amicably, after 14 months, with Bonnie bemoaning our “lack of communication” and telling me that only she knows what her mother REALLY wants/needs, and stating that my understanding of Annie’s clear language is severely flawed. Due to this and other factors, some of the jobs that Annie needed done did not get done.
I don’t feel comfortable contacting Annie directly and risking coming between her and her daughter (they’re basically the only family each of them has left in the local area).
A couple of months after we split, Bonnie contacts me on social media, requesting that I give the vehicle to her. Due to the horrible nature of her language, I do not reply, but instead, block her on social media and from calling or texting me.
I have not blocked any communication from Annie, however, but have yet to hear anything at all from her. If they can maintain a good relationship by both hating me, I’m OK with that, even though I still regard Annie very highly.
I do not live/work/travel through the areas they are in, so it’s not likely that they will see the vehicle. Besides, I have altered its appearance in various ways, and I don’t feel that they would immediately recognize it if they did happen to see it.
Just to throw one more factor in, it currently needs a major repair to the transmission that, according to mechanics much better than me, is likely due to the long time sitting idle.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is everything in your name, but her mom said she didn’t want her to have it, you sunk money into it, and the ex in question is being a real peach about it.
The only point against you is that some of the jobs didn’t get done, but that’s only a point for Annie, not Bonnie.
In short, whatever debt you feel is owed to Annie should be expressed by not enabling Bonnie.
You owe Bonnie nothing.” Transfuturist
Do you honestly think Annie doesn't know what Bonnie is really like? And why she chose to pay you with the vehicle and put it in your name from the get? She knows what a conniving brat she raised, and wanted to make sure her daughter didn't get that vehicle.
Talk to Annie and voice your concerns. She sounds like a nice lady and I'm sure if there are issues, y'all can work them out.
12. AITJ For Outing My Sister's Personal Info To Family?
“We had a family dinner this evening. My family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29F), younger sister (24F), and youngest brother (22M).
Extended family attended our family dinner.
So all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. During the dinner, my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. My sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument.
The two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realize the rest of us were getting a bit fed up.
Eventually, my sister got really fed up and said “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22-year-old guy who’s never slept with anyone.” My brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. I think it might have been the booze as my sister is mean when intoxicated.
Anyway, I immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. She replied by saying everyone knows and she didn’t say anything wrong.
This annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this.
So I responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right?
Turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly. I genuinely assumed he must have known. He left the party angrily saying my sister misled him about her past.
Family is blaming me for their marital problems. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong.
My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all I did was give her a taste of her own medicine. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your sister obviously was the jerk for spouting off about your brother with hurtful intentions, but you were also TJ for doing the same thing back to her (even though you were just sticking up for your brother).
Your family is TJ for blaming you for the marital problems because your sister created those problems herself by “misleading” her husband about her past.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I feel like everyone voting ESH thinks it’s more “damaging” to be shamed for sleeping with lots of people than it is to be shamed for not.
I was a late bloomer – literally every milestone was hit WAYYYY after what is “socially acceptable” for people my age.
When you tell a person that you still haven’t slept with anyone, you’re immediately hit with ‘the eye’. They stare at you and critique you like “yea their nose IS a little big I guess…they’re pretty socially awkward so I can see why” etc. trying to make sense of what’s ‘wrong’ with you that no one wants to sleep with you.
“I feel like once you sleep with someone you’ll feel differently.” “That’s so CUTE – it’s good that you’re waiting because you should make it special – I didn’t and I totes regret it so really this is a blessing in disguise,” etc.
It makes you feel like a little kid trying to sit at the grown-up table.
“Oh you aren’t missing anything trust me – it’s better to wait anyway” etc. Just a ton of patronizing comments that all in all make you feel “less than” which is exactly what shaming is meant to do.
If the sister didn’t want anyone to poke at her past then she shouldn’t be delving into her brother’s lack of one.
“Being pure isn’t a big deal” the sister said it because she clearly feels like it is and she wanted to invalidate her brother’s voice.
That was the whole point of her comment. His opinion (in her eyes) is ‘less than’ because of his lack of experience.
I feel like most people don’t understand what it is to be told that you’re less of a person/less of an ADULT because you haven’t slept with someone.
It’s a very degrading concept.” annoyed68
Another User Comments:
“ESH except for your brother.
There’s nothing wrong with having little experience or having an active past. You tried to fight fire with fire by shaming your sister.
I completely understand why you reacted how you did and I think a lot of people can relate and may have acted the same. At the end of the day, you suck for bringing it up how you did because your intent was to make her feel bad.
I also can’t imagine your extended family knew about her past.
She sucks for calling your brother that, not telling her husband, and for continuing to be a jerk when you confronted her.
However, if it’s true that every single person at the table with the exception of the husband knew about her past and you genuinely thought he did you are not a jerk for them having marital problems. She should’ve told him that.
You just suck for trying to put her down in front of a group of people so you’re not any better than her.” frecklesxmcgee
Another User Comments:
“As much as I want to say ESH I can’t give that opinion.
I have to give you NTJ. You were defending your brother that has confidence issues. Your sister was attacking him for no reason, and prob knew what she said was going to hurt him and his confidence quite a bit and get under his skin (not only that but as a guy that’s a very embarrassing comment to say in public to someone).
You dished it back to her to defend your brother. And honestly, two wrongs don’t make it right but if your sister is gonna say something so personal and hurtful that she more than likely knows is personal and hurtful she got what’s coming to her.
Your brother definitely appreciated it.” Derp2638
As to exposing your sister's lecherous past, boo freaking hoo. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and she threw a boulder at your brother that rebounded on her. She jacked around and found out and now she's crying foul? Tough.
11. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Coworker After She Scolded Me For Taking Too Many Bathroom Breaks?
“I have symptomatic anemia, a big fibroid, and menorrhagia. All of which I’ve likely had for almost a decade now. I’d often go through two or three pads an hour and feel soul-cleaving cramps that often led to vomiting.
After being treated for low hemoglobin last year, I started birth control to try to ease the bleeding. The pills seemed to only help with the pain. The depo shot seemed to make my periods worse.
Since December I’ve frequently passed huge clots and can fill up a size 5 pad in mere minutes.
Now, my job is aware of my condition since they know I don’t call out unless it’s urgent.
They know that when I tell them I’m going to the bathroom, I’m not asking. Time is a factor. The day before my anemia diagnosis, I worked the garden section on a VERY hot day (A/C in the booth).
My vision blurred, felt dizzy, nearly fainted but caught myself before I threw up. Now they don’t put me in garden unless it’s not too hot or I say I feel ok.
Most of the head cashiers are sympathetic and don’t give me a hard time.
But one in particular…
I often went to the bathroom at work to ‘change the red carpet’ as I call it.
This head cashier (I’ll call her Meg) recently has been making remarks about my frequent bathroom trips. I ignored her since she knows about my condition.
I felt nauseous and had a huge gush an hour into my shift and ran to the bathroom.
Meg got mad at me since we were short-staffed and to wait next time. I told her waiting wasn’t an option. I changed pads a few more times and then it happened again like two hours later.
Because I waited like she said, I regretted it after seeing the damage in the bathroom. Again, Meg was irate and scolded me for taking too many bathroom trips in one shift.
Here’s where I may be TJ. I was already feeling lousy emotionally and physically, so I snapped, ‘I just soaked through a whole pad, passed a golfball-sized clot, and NARROWLY saved my jeans!’ and showed her the less visible stain.
‘I’ve been on my period for four months straight and have to deal with this on the regular. So, unless we sell sheep I can sit on while I work, don’t get at me for dealing with my condition the only way I can.’
The next day the store manager talked to me about what happened and said I should have handled it better. I agree I was wrong for snapping, but I tried talking to her before.
I reached a breaking point and was done with being polite, and sick of being punished for something I have frighteningly little control over. I even started wearing depends to shorten my bathroom visits at work, but I still have to change often or stand around uncomfortable all day.
I felt bad after what happened but don’t know if I should apologize to Meg. AITJ for how I handled that?
EDIT: I’m usually a very patient, compassionate, easy-going person.
But like everyone, I have my limits. My long fuse was just very short this time.
I forgot to mention I got an IUD (shudder) a month ago, so we’ll see how that goes.
Not a fan of it but it was either that or surgically remove the fibroid.”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, NTJ! Honestly screw both Meg and your store manager. They owe you an apology, not the other way around.
You have a medical condition and are therefore entitled to reasonable accommodations in the workplace. The ability to use the bathroom is a reasonable accommodation.
I have interstitial cystitis (bladder condition) and also have to use the bathroom often, so I get it!
When people give me a hard time for it, I ask if they’d rather I have an accident. Nobody has preferred that option to giving me a bathroom break.” finsternis86
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re not the jerk here. Your boss and your job do not own you and you are a real tangible human person with real human needs that should be reasonably met and accommodated. But anything that could impact productivity will make your superiors angry, because they will always care more about the company and profits rather than the employees who do, in fact, put in the labor to generate said profits.
This is unfortunately how our economic system is designed, and it strips away our humanity in the process.
I have endometriosis and my cramps have made me faint and vomit at work in the past. This isn’t something we choose for ourselves and we’re just trying our best despite unfortunate circumstances.
If your workplace is short-staffed, that’s your boss’s fault, not yours. They can hire more people so being short-staffed doesn’t happen. That’s incumbent on your boss to hire and schedule appropriately so instances like this don’t arise.
Being degraded for a health issue out of your control is despicable, and poor management berating YOU for potentially leaving them short-staffed is not your problem. At least, it shouldn’t be.
This is absurd and based on how you’ve been treated, snapping seems bound to happen. And when you ‘snapped’, you didn’t sound unreasonable, you just wanted compassion and understanding of your situation.
Hang in there and stay well.” KwietKabal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if you have another manager or HR I would consider reporting this to them.
Your coworker is harassing you for a medical condition you have been given dispensation for.
That is not a you problem for snapping. That is a her and a company problem for harassing you.” Tarniaelf
10. AITJ For Panicking About My Little Cousin Touching My Stuff?
“I’m 19. Today my 3-year-old cousin, along with my uncle and grandparents visited our house because it was Chinese New Year, and people visit your house even though it’s small and boring, even if we already visited their house earlier in the day.
I was only expecting the driver of my grandparents, and my grandparents, but my 3-year-old cousin also came.
I was sitting in the corner of the living room, using my computer, until my mum asked me to find the remote for the DVD player on the couch.
So while I’m finding the remote, I see my cousin press the button to open the DVD player. He picks the CD up by dragging it a bit out then finally holding it up, and this is when I start saying very loudly, “Nooooo, stop him!” because I don’t want a young child breaking it.
(I remember the shenanigans I did with a Tom and Jerry DVD when I was younger and just recall how scratched it was). So then my mum grabs my DVD, fingers full on touching the bottom of the disc, then I panic again (“what are you doing?!”), then I take the CD out of my mum’s hand to inspect for scratches.
I’m uhhh, oddly meticulous checking for scratches. Looked carefully for a minute or two. See two very faint, nearly unnoticeable scratches on it, but it’s enough for some reason to upset me, and I complain loudly, “It’s been scratched!
You scratched it!” Meanwhile, my grandparents and uncle were watching me complain. I put my disc back in the case. Resume redditing on the couch in the corner of the living room.
Uncle puts one of the Wiggles DVDs that he brought into the player. While the DVD is loading, the kid spots my $89 AUD electric guitar on the couch. Luckily, the adults stop him from touching that because it was “too heavy”.
However, my older sister’s blue ukulele was in the room, and they gave him that to play with. No fuss yet, until my mum said he could keep it. I said, “That’s (sister’s) ukulele that her friend got as a birthday present”.
Mum just replied it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t use it. I drop the subject and resume redditing, because my sister hasn’t touched that thing in years and she barely ever uses the living room.
(She’s also not at home right now either.)
So after the kid gets tired of attempting to play the ukulele in front of the TV with his uncle, mum brings a plush toy for him to play with.
From my sister’s room. Mum says it’s something my sister won from a claw machine, and that he can also keep it. And then I say, “Noooo, that’s (insert sister’s name)’s thing!
She’s not even here to say whether he can have it or not!” Mum says it’s just a toy. And then I say “People don’t often win claw machines. What if she wants to keep it as a trophy!?” Cousin plays with the toy but eventually loses interest.
But then, he takes interest in a Furby plush that was on another couch. He starts playing with it. Fine. Later, Mum says he can keep it. Then I start getting rather annoyed, because not only is that mine, it also happened to be my very own claw machine trophy, and then I start saying stuff like “That’s mine”, “I also won that in a claw machine”, “He can’t have it”, “You need to teach kids to respect other people’s things”.
Mum says to the kid that I’m just being greedy. He continues playing with the Furby, but because I’m fussing enough, Mum returns it to the couch when they’re about to leave.
Eventually, the kid, uncle, and grandparents leave. Kid gets to keep the ukulele. I put my DVD back in, intending to see if the extremely shallow scratches affected anything. (Even though 99.999% likely it didn’t.
They’re that shallow. I’m not even sure they’re visible enough to show up on a photograph). But it still concerned me for some reason.
Then my mum comes, turns the DVD player off, then says, actually shouting, that I have no emotional intelligence.
She says that for a lot of the time my relatives were visiting, I was complaining and being unpleasant. The unpleasantness ruined their visit. That by saying the cousin needed to respect other people’s things, I’m implying my uncle was not teaching that to his child.
That I need to learn to share, the kid was my family.
Anyway, bad memories were resurfacing. When I was 12, mum’s friend’s toddler successfully took my rabbit toy that was a birthday present, and I didn’t even see it happen.
I was in my room, and later I asked my mum, where did my rabbit go? She said she SAW the kid take it. This incident still leaves me salty, because she did nothing.
I said to my mum that it still hurts me. And before I got onto the incident when I was 8 that also still leaves me salty, where another kid almost took my pikachu plush before I saw and grabbed it from him, my mum told me to shut up before I finished, and she continued.
She said that I’m ungrateful because the very computer I’m using was a gift from my uncle (during a school semester, my computer broke down, and he gave me the option to take one of his spares.
I initially refused it cuz I did have an old laptop, but it was rather slow, so I took the opportunity). I said it was different, that was a willing gift. She said that even if I cannot gift anything back of the same value, I should at least give back something to my uncle and cousin, a gift from my heart.
That maybe I should have directed my cousin’s attention to something that I would’ve given during the situation, instead of complaining. She said that they were only toys.
Then she left (not before tipping one of the little tables in the room.
She was really mad…)
I went and took a bath, and cried for like, 45 minutes. Or an hour. (I’m just really sensitive about my stuff being touched without my permission.
Like, not only did the chargers for both my old DS and Gameboy advance recently mysteriously vanish so I can never play them again unless I buy the chargers again, but the entire Wii, also a gift from my uncle, (didn’t appear compatible with the TV, so it was in the garage, but I was planning to re-attempt setting it up) also disappeared. Along with numerous objects in my life also disappearing for unknown reasons.
Mum knows that I don’t enjoy having my stuff touched. I’m also annoyed because my uncle is a lot richer than we are. I visited his house earlier today, and I saw his room had 9 screens, and his kid’s bedroom had plenty of stuffed dolls he liked…
…I was thinking about the whole “gift from the heart thing” or “divert using another object”. Not sure if I’m just really immature, but I really get attached to my stuff.
Even if I was given the choice to give away a doll I already have, I don’t feel prepared to part with any of them… But even then, I felt horrible.
When my mum mentioned how my uncle gifted me my computer, I feel like, throughout my lifetime, I’ve come across as a person, to my relatives, as someone who just takes, and takes.
I don’t gift anything back. And my relatives are nice people…
After that, I went back to the living room, using the computer again, still feeling horrible. Mum comes again, not as angry this time.
Asks why I was crying. I said that everything I have is precious to me and that I can’t always re-buy something once it’s gone. (don’t have the money, always have to ask mum to buy me stuff, and I really don’t like begging for funds.
Yea, I wish I could get employed somewhere). And that I valued the DVD of my favorite movie very much, and I was extremely worried about the way both people were handling the disc.
Mum said ok, but I was being a jerk for spending quite some time “blaming people” throughout the visit. She said, if someone of your own age breaks your stuff, maybe you can give them a few words, but if a child breaks your stuff, I should put aside my own feelings.
That even if my cousin managed to fully break my DVD, and I wanted to cry, I should go into my room and cry privately, and not cry or blame other people for what the child did, especially since they’re houseguests, and family.
I disagreed but didn’t respond.
Am I the jerk for being too sensitive about a curious kid touching stuff, and that I should thaw my grinchy heart and grow up and be a mature 19-year-old and quit being an ungrateful nuisance while houseguests are here, or was I right in being outspoken about not letting a kid handle my DVD and take things that aren’t his?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Hey dude, as a fellow Chinese Australian dude as well as a guitar player myself I totally understand 100 percent of what you are going through. In the end, it really boils down to tradition and in our culture, little children are always spoiled like that.
I’m not saying it’s right, (it’s messed up) it’s just how things are and somehow we have to come to terms with that.
Your mum was right to yell at you afterward (she definitely overreacted though) because you were also overreacting and being a jerk by making things awkward for everybody.
I understand that you really value your belongs, nothing wrong with that, but you really have to just******* up because believe me, things won’t change no matter how old you get.
By constantly whining about everything your cousin did, you seemed like an ungenerous little brat in your relative’s eyes.
Your uncle and mum were also jerks though because they are teaching your baby cousin bad life lessons by spoiling the crap out of him.
It is not his fault it’s just how babies behave. Your uncle being rich and giving you free stuff does not excuse for him setting a bad example for his kid.
In the future, I would recommend hiding valuable things in your bedroom before visits and working out a deal with your mum where you tell her which items you care less about and can be given away.” yeeeyang
Another User Comments:
“ESH. No other answer.
First and foremost, it sounds like you spent the whole time they were visiting on Reddit. So your main interactions revolved around your complaints, so there is no surprise that your unpleasantness ruined their visit.
Screaming’s going to solve nothing in that position.
Your mum, obviously it’s frustrating as heck when your stuff is given away. There isn’t a problem with her offering the cousin things to play with, in that instance you should definitely be graceful enough to share, but giving away is a step far.
Spoiling at that age just does nothing positive for them. She has a point though, you saw the cousin playing with a few different things, and you offering something you cared less about just to play with could’ve been a real positive move.
It’s weird that your uncle, being rich and all, didn’t seem to have much (other than a Wiggles DVD) there when they arrived at yours, we always stockpile heaps for our son when visiting someone so they aren’t inclined to touch random stuff (they always do!)
You’ll get it as you grow older, there are more important things in life. You’re 19, still young, don’t sweat this one too much. This comes from someone who had a massive video game collection robbed. It sucks when your stuff gets touched.
You describe your cousin as “the child”, and “a kid” at points. Treasure the moments you have with your family, and get off the Internet. I look back at many a time I sat in the corner when people were around, and now I would give plenty to have a moment like that.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“ESH, except the little baby cousin who doesn’t know better. I’d say that you suck the least, though. Your mom is 1 for giving away items that aren’t hers, your uncle is 2 for not disciplining/watching his kid better, and you are 3 for yelling at them and being (what it sounds like) very unpleasant during a family holiday visit.
Really, though, your baby cousin doesn’t even sound like they were that misbehaved. A 3-year-old doesn’t know the “proper” way to hold a DVD without scratching it, and if the kid’s own grandma says “Sure, you can play with/have that toy” why would they even think anything was wrong at all?
It sounds like the only thing that was truly not a toy was the electric guitar, and when the adults said to not play with it the baby stopped.” TentaclesAndCupcakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You maybe overreacted a little since you said you were yelling, but honestly, that kid needs to be taught to respect people’s things and your mom needs to learn not to give away things that aren’t hers.
And it’s messed up she said that even if a kid breaks something you shouldn’t be mad. Obviously don’t scream at them or anything but if a kid breaks something they should get in trouble.
I know that he probably didn’t know better but parents need to control their kids better and not just say that it’s okay to misbehave because they’re young.” Probswearingsweats
9. AITJ For Asking My Mom's Partner To Stop Trying To Parent Me?
“My dad died suddenly about a year ago, and my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing. I’m 23M and going into my final year of college.
My mom’s partner has two daughters ages 15 and 13. My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the partner has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favorite uncle.
And while I’m glad everyone else is comfortable, I’m not.
He isn’t a bad guy, I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him.
He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t do because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult. Partner thinks it’s only fair because I have siblings now.
I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences.
He’s trying to get me to share my stuff with his kids. They aren’t lacking for anything but he thinks it’s only fair because ‘family’.
I live in the basement of my mom’s house. I have since I was 15. When you come in the front door there’s a door to the basement and the stairs to go into the house.
So it’s pretty separate.
So last night I was out with some friends and got home at 2 am. I had nothing to do until 3 pm today since classes aren’t until next week and my new job starts in 2 weeks.
So this has never been a big deal with my parents. I shot my mom a text and went to bed.
Tonight though, man, her partner flipped. I got a lecture and was sent to my room and “possible loss of car privileges.”
I snapped and laid it out for him. I told him I’m leaving the city after I graduate, I told him I’m glad my mom found a new partner but that I am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that.
I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or that I won’t want to have a relationship with him.
He told my family and they think I’m the jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult so the rules shouldn’t be the same for you as they are for his teenage children.
Your father recently died and neither he nor your mom should be trying to push the stepdad role onto you. I completely understand why you’d lose it like that.
It is still too soon for him to be trying to take your father’s position. He probably means no harm but he has to understand given the circumstances and why you’d feel the way you do.” CheekaBoomBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, he’s not your dad. Second, you are a grown man. Third, you’re grieving and nobody should be trying to appoint themselves to the place your father held in your life.
Fourth, this guy is not “family” and neither are his daughters your “siblings.” He’s your mom’s live-in partner who brought his kids along; there is no official relationship. He’s not even your stepdad yet, and if in the future he marries your mom, he’s still not either of the people who raised you.
Fifth… I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible thing to lose someone so suddenly. I hope you had wonderful times together, and that those memories can carry you through this awkward and difficult situation.
I hope your mom is the kind of lady you can tell these things to, and that she’ll be able to see it from your perspective and tell this guy to stop trying to parent her adult son.” exist10tial_crisis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Living for free at your parent’s home should come with some duties that you do, particularly if you’re not doing anything else. In my family, we started out by taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher in exchange for an allowance.
We kept doing that, even after the allowance stopped being a thing.
A step-parent trying to take the role of an actual parent is a bad thing when you’re dealing with a child that has any kind of autonomy, like a 10-year-old or something.
Same situation with a grown-up person? The role the step-parent will have is “significant other of parent” because the parenting job is already over.
Being sent to your room? Loss of “privileges”?
Curfews? This man is treating you like a teenager who just got their driver’s license a month ago. You need to put a stop to that as soon as possible.
But keep in mind that this person also does not have experience raising adult children: Their kids are still teenagers. They don’t have a point of reference for what is an appropriate interaction with an adult offspring living with them.
So you need to set those boundaries.” olbaze
8. AITJ For Being Upset Over A Misunderstanding?
“My best friend and her ex recently broke up, and he was staying with his parents until she found a place. She asked me, before finding an apartment, if I’d help her move out and I said of course.
A few weeks later she finds a new place and tells me that she’ll be able to fit everything in her and her brother’s cars so they can get it all in one trip.
I interpreted this as I am no longer needed because everything will fit in their cars.
Monday of moving week comes up (she was moving on Saturday) and I tell her I made plans for that weekend because I thought she was just doing it with her brother, and she is LIVID.
To be fair, I should’ve directly asked, not assumed I was out of the equation. I felt really bad about it, so I changed my plans and then told her I was free all weekend to help.
However, she then says she doesn’t want my help and ignored me until Thursday. Keep in mind this is my best friend and we talk every day, so it’s odd to be ignored.
I call her on Thursday because I want to help if I can even though she is clearly still mad. Over the phone, she tells me that I ‘purposely made plans to not help her, because when I misinterpreted her brother’s plans to help, I was hurt that she left me out and wanted to hurt her back.’ I was stunned because that was not my intention and I wouldn’t do that to anyone, ESPECIALLY, not my best friend.
On top of that, why would I have been offended? I thought she just didn’t need as many hands as she initially thought. So I apologize for making her feel that way and explained that my goal was not at all to hurt her, I just misunderstood.
When I pointed out that I was now free that whole weekend and wanted to help, she ignored it and went back to me hurting her on purpose. I had to reiterate over and over that I just misunderstood and never wanted to hurt her.
Moving weekend was last weekend and she’s been acting pretty normal since but I’ve been distant because honestly, I’m kind of offended that she thought I would go out of my way to hurt her.
That’s not who I am as a person, and I thought after being friends for 10+ years, she would’ve known that.
I obviously haven’t said anything to her about being upset, because I don’t want to bring up the situation and hurt her all over again, but AITJ for being offended?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not the jerk. It’s an unfortunate misunderstanding on both sides, and – sad to say – I don’t think that uncommon. I would recommend getting over it if your friendship still means anything.
If the friendship’s still good, or you think it still can be, don’t end it and look for a new friend. It’s like chopping down an ancient tree and replacing it with a young one.
It’s a tree, but it’s never going to be the same. If you intuit at some time down the line that the events can be discussed without emotions flaring on either end, bring it up to air it out.
That’s my best advice. Good luck.” removed_bymoderator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is. You repeatedly clarified the misunderstanding and offered your help. She dragged it out and threw trash tests at you.
People surprise you in the most unexpected ways. Take time to cool off before you engage with her again. It’s now your turn to be mad.” Philosophy_1017
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I was tempted to lean toward YTJ but I can understand how the miscommunication happened. Usually, when someone asks you to help them move, they mean help them to load and unload the items. Regardless of if a vehicle is needed. From your perspective, you thought that she just needed you for the extra car.
Live and learn. Communication broke down here, no one is at fault.” tacolover_55
7. WIBTJ If I Told My Mom That She Has No Right To My Paychecks?
“For some background, I (20FTM) have an entry-level retail job at a pet store. I don’t make much, and I only work two to three days a week as I’m part-time.
I also make a little on the side with artwork, but it’s not enough to live off of. However, my mother (56) works part-time and makes WAY more than I do, as she’s a nurse.
However, she’s not the best at managing her money. I love her to death, but many times throughout my childhood we faced foreclosure. Surprisingly, it never did come around. I packed my bags and even once I had a bag packed under my bed ready for when the bank would take our house.
Just recently, we faced it again and had been put on a plan to pay off a little more each month so we could get caught up. Why did we face it again?
Grubhub. Freaking Grubhub. I kept saying we needed to stop ordering, but nope. They kept ordering Grubhub, which is about 150$ a week if we were ordering sparingly, but we weren’t.
We aren’t rich either, so we had no business to be ordering. Every time I’d say we need to stop ordering, I was told to be quiet or to stop nagging (which I may be TJ for).
Now, we’re in trouble. She has maybe 200 to live off of after the payment, and because I’m working a low-wage job and making some scraps on the side, I have only 400$ in the bank after payday.
She’s already asked me to use my money to support the ENTIRE house, (mother, brother, me, and pets) and I don’t even have any money to enjoy myself with afterward.
I don’t have money so I can save it up and move out, it all goes back to her. Granted, this has happened before. I’ve given her money to use to spend on things we need, but it either goes to a ‘want’ item or to an event such as a convention (which I somehow ended up funding the entire family).
I give her money and it doesn’t go to what it needs to go to. Over the past two years alone, I’ve given her over a thousand dollars and I’ve seen maybe 700 of it back.
Would I be the jerk if I told my mother that she can’t use my money, and I’m entitled to the money I make?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re 20 years old.
You work part-time. You don’t pay rent but occasionally contribute to the household bills — typically in the form of a cash loan to your mom, which she usually but does not always repay in full (judging from the fact that she has returned $700 of the approximately $1000 you say you’ve given her).
Do I have this right?
You are a legal adult. You have a right to your own money, obviously. What you do not have is a right to live at home indefinitely for free.
It seems to me that the smart thing to do would be to set up a formal rent arrangement with your mom. Give her $X per month towards room and board.
This alleviates some of the immediate financial pressure on her but also sets boundaries around your contribution.
ESH. Mom for her poor spending habits and the fact that she failed to provide you with financial security as a minor, given how long this has been going on.
You for not paying rent and for begrudging her $300 over the course of two years.” velkana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not your responsibility to make sure her bills are paid.
If she can’t afford a house because she can’t stop ordering pre-made meals delivered to her doorstep, that’s her problem.
Since it seems like you’re not in a position to move out, I would say contribute to things that you know you can’t handle losing, like the house so you can keep a roof over your head.
If you can find other living arrangements, get out ASAP. She’s relying on you to bail her out of her financial problems, and as long as you rely on her to have a roof over your head, it’s going to be in your best interest to make sure she can pay the bills.
If you’re stuck in that position, she’s not going to stop mooching off of you.
So, again: not your responsibility, NTJ, please find other living arrangements, and if you can’t, only pay for the things that you yourself cannot stand to lose.” finallyinfinite
Another User Comments:
“You are ABSOLUTELY NTJ!
This is your money, which you are earning. You are completely entitled to dictate how you spend it! Your mother is not entitled to ANY of it, especially given the wasteful use of funds that led to this situation in the first place.
And believe me, I get needing a treat even when you can’t technically afford it, the stress of being poor can make it so that you are desperate for any kind of emotional relief.
But to continually and knowingly put your children in danger of losing the roof over their heads just so you don’t have to cook is disgusting.
You mentioned that you are saving to move out.
I would recommend putting those savings in a high-yield savings account to which she has no access. If moving now is an option, take it.
If you do stay and she ends up guilting you into helping out financially, keep 50% of your wages in that savings account and KEEP RECORDS!
Get it in writing with each amount she borrows exactly what it is to be used for, when and how much will be repaid and get her to sign it.
If you agree it’s to go to food, get that signature and purchase the groceries yourself. Require a copy of any utility receipt that your money was used for.
When she throws a fit over these restrictions, tell her that you warned her about the food ordering, and look where you all are now.
You cannot afford to subsidize her bad financial habits if you want to get your own place, and she has already shown that money flows through her hands like water.” KittenSpangles
6. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Brother's Partner?
“I live with my brother. His partner is over 4 days out of the week (she comes over Thursday evening and leaves Sunday evening). When we moved in together I knew that she would be over a lot and be staying for the weekend because she lives an hour and a half away and is part of our group of friends (who get together every Saturday night).
Incident 1:
She leaves dishes literally everywhere. Every Thursday night I get home there is crap all over our kitchen island. She often leaves leftovers and dirty dishes in places I use frequently and they are in the way until either I deal with it or she/my brother gets around to it (which isn’t too long, maybe overnight at the longest).
Incident 2:
The other night I noticed that there was wart remover and a pair of fingernail clippers on a TV tray that is acting as a coffee table. I eat breakfast and dinner on this tray every day while watching Netflix before/after work.
I find it disgusting that she is essentially picking at herself and dealing with liquid medicine at a place where I eat regularly.
Incident #1 bothers the crap out of me because it is like 10 steps to the dishwasher no matter where you are in the house with the exception of my room.
I ignore it for the most part, but it has led to feelings of frustration and annoyance. For incident #2 I knew it was her, but in the interest of coexisting, I waited until my brother was in the room and I addressed my problem to both of them without pointing fingers.
I could have been more delicate with the situation, I will admit that, but I still kept it civil. I told both of them that I find it disgusting that there are fingernail clippers and wart remover where I regularly eat (with the implication that they are being used there).
My brother shrugs at her and I tell her that it is disgusting and that is like doing it at a kitchen table. She retorts that there are cleaners for table tops and to just use that (with the implication of “you have the issue, you deal with it and clean the area”).
I snap back that if I see them there again, I will throw them both away and end the conversation.
Talking to my brother about this after she left (stuff like this would be better coming from him) he tells me that I am being overly sensitive and we both get defensive and snippy.
I end up telling him that it wasn’t that big of a deal but I still rather it not happen and her, a guest in mine and my brother’s home, telling me to clean up after herself is messed up and disrespectful.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for wanting a guest to clean up, but I think you might be a bit of a jerk because of the way you communicate that.
Your explanation gave me the impression that you’re bottling up annoyances until it gets too much and you get angry. Try talking to her about it when you’re not upset.
Just ask her if she’d mind putting her stuff away. Most reasonable people would at least partly comply.” mister_moustachio
5. AITJ For Ordering An Expensive Meal On My Company's Dime?
“My job occasionally buys us lunch. A couple of months ago they offered to buy us lunch from this wing place that my department often orders from (as in, we all put in a big order and pay for our own food) – wings are super expensive right now.
When I order there, whether it be at home or at work on my dime, I order the same thing. A BLT (their sandwiches don’t come with fries or anything else) and half a dozen wings in my favorite flavor.
The sauce is so delicious that I eat my wings first then dip my BLT in it.
So my boss is asking us for our orders (this is the work is paying day) and I give her mine.
The BLT and the wings are both $10 each, totaling $20. My boss comes back to me and says she doesn’t know if the company will cover that much for one person.
I was surprised and embarrassed. I‘m the only guy in my small department and everyone else usually get salads. I tell her that I don’t mind paying for half of mine or the difference of whatever the per-person limit is.
Based on other lunches they’ve bought us, I’m guessing the limit is around $15 per person, but they refuse to give me a set amount. I think they don’t want other people who usually underbuy to get greedy.
So after checking with the receptionist who coordinates the orders with HR, she said ‘it’s fine this time,’ which made me feel guilty/like a fat piece of crap.
Next week we have a new person starting in our department and we’re having a welcome lunch on the company and you guessed it, we’re ordering from the wing place again.
The secretary sent us the menu Tuesday and asked us to let her know what we wanted. I noticed the BLT has gone up in price by $2 which makes my go-to order $22 now.
Thinking maybe my manager made last time into a bigger deal than it was, I cut out the middle man and emailed our receptionist directly. I politely explained that this is my order that I always get and it’s what I want but I don’t expect the company to pay that much just for me, so I’ll gladly pay half.
Heck, at this point I’ll pay for all of it. Just order me what I want and don’t make me feel like a monster about it please.
She told me she’d get back to me… Still haven’t heard from her and the welcome lunch is Tuesday.
We are off Monday for the 4th.
Am I missing something? Should this be this big of a deal? Am I the jerk for asking for $22 worth of food? Should I just order something cheaper to keep the peace?
EDIT: one of the biggest misconceptions I keep seeing is that I went over my manager’s head this time. I did not. The first time we ordered from this place, my manager texted us all asking us for our orders.
This time, the receptionist e-mailed us for our orders. I simply responded to the receptionist’s e-mail like everyone else did.
SECOND EDIT:
After all of this… GET THIS. The receptionist finally just emailed me back and told me that the new hire welcome lunches have different budget amounts than other company-paid lunches and that my order amount was ‘not a problem,’ but that she appreciated me checking.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sounds like there is an upper limit on what the company will spend for lunches; the trouble is no one will tell you or anyone else what it is.
Be a lot easier for everyone if they said ‘$18 maximum per person’ or whatever. At the same time, you received a strong signal last time that what you ordered ‘cost too much’; you should have taken the hint and ordered something less expensive.” zwergschnauzer
Another User Comments:
“ESH here.
On one hand, you need to come in line with everyone else, price-wise. Maybe just ask for some of the wing sauce on your BLT?
(And honestly, if it were in my area and it was Crown Candy Kitchen, you wouldn’t need the wings because there’s a whole pound of bacon on the BLT. But I digress.)
On the other, the company really needs to make some clear outlines. Like, you can place orders up to x amount in value, or, you can order from y part of the menu.
Not being completely clear and then giving employees a hard time is a way for the company to help keep employees divided and keep them from looking too deep into other ways in which the company might be mistreating them.” leannmanderson
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – does anyone remember the post about the girl drinking 6 bottles of company-provided water a day and getting extremely defensive when told to limit herself to 1 or 2???
This is the same thing to me. You were told to order just 1 entree, not 2. The split bill thing is just an unnecessary complication. People like OP ruin office perks.
Learn about moderation, compromise, and tact.
Also, the email to the receptionist behind the manager’s back was a bad move. Manager was 100% told. It’s the manager’s company credit card.
Which has multiple eyes on it. She decides what is reasonable to spend and she decided that OP is ordering too much.” blitznB
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This isn’t about lunch it’s about workplace politics.
When your office is paying for a meal it’s customary to only order one entree. Maybe a drink and a side like chips depending on what everyone else is doing.
Edit to respond to OP’s edits.
So I think now it’s a hard YTJ because you seem to be reading into the receptionist accommodating your request for a second entree as rudely inconsistent company policy as opposed to someone in the office trying to not make you feel like a jerk for asking for two meals.
If you’re going to work in an office you need to learn to read workplace cues more carefully. If you struggle with those look for a coworker who can help explain them to you privately.” sashalovespizza
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think I would have offered to pay half upfront.
Your employer offered a kindness, without guidance or conditions, and you ordered what you would normally have ordered for lunch.
You were reasonable, though it would also have been reasonable to order light like your colleagues did. No jerks here, but you could have approached it differently to begin with.
The receptionist had concerns because she’s trying to be a good steward of the gift and is watching for people doing things like ordering two meals. After reflecting on it (or perhaps getting guidance from the boss), she decided your request wasn’t unreasonable and she refused your request to contribute half.
No jerks here, ultimately, though she did need to go through her own (reasonable!) journey to get there.
I think you’re behaving in good faith and you were right to offer to pay for part of your order.
I would not sacrifice lunch just because it’s ‘work pays’ day, and I would insist on paying for half to keep the goodwill going. What you don’t want to do is take something intended to be a gesture of kindness and turn it into something unfun and unfair quibbling over how much a person deserves to take advantage of it.
Just aim to be on the selfless side of any act of kindness and you’ll always be golden.” fastolfe00
4. AITJ For Causing A Girl To Cry?
“I (19M) had been doing this foreign studies program in a certain European country since September of last year.
The class consisted of what would be considered “international students” in that country, with at least 90% of the class population originating from China. Due to having lived in that country for eight years of my childhood and one of my parents being Chinese, I was fluent in Mandarin.
Most of the people doing this program are either taking it as a prerequisite for graduate studies in this country or for occupational purposes. As I was sitting in one of the first lectures of the semester, I noticed a rather attractive Chinese girl (19F) attending the lecture.
I had the opportunity to introduce myself to her the other day when one of my Chinese friends asked me to get him a drink from a vending machine. When I found my friend attending a language class, I noticed the girl in that same class.
Due to my cultural background, my competence in the language they were learning exceeded the class material. However, I attended the class anyways as a pretext to meet this girl.
As we were introducing ourselves, I didn’t hesitate to mention my Chinese background. She came up to me after the class and remarked on it. She was impressed by my mandarin fluency, and so we exchanged social media information.
After having multiple conversations with her, I came up with the courage to ask her out. I invited her to come with me to a local park, where there would be a local music concert.
We spent the whole day walking in the park, talking about our lives, and learning about each other. We had dinner together, but we split the bill. We were so engrossed in our conversation, that we actually forgot about the music concert and ended up arriving late.
It didn’t quite matter, since we had a good time anyways. After the concert, I walked her to the bus stop. As we waited for the bus, I pondered whether the n*ght had gone well and whether this girl had the same feelings for me as I did for her.
On one hand, we hadn’t had much romantic interaction such as kissing or making out, and she did insist on paying for her own meal. On the other hand, she was willing to spend an enormous amount of time with me, consistently laughed at my jokes, and we did have some sort of physical contact (such as hand-holding, dancing, and hugging).
Before the bus arrived, I made a joke that caused her to laugh so hard that she pulled a f****l muscle, and ended the night on a good note.
The problems began when I tried to ask her out again. She always seemed to be busy whenever I asked; either she had already made plans, or she didn’t sleep well the night before and needed a nap.
It was harder to approach her since I didn’t know her friends, but I didn’t let that stop me. I decided to get to know her friends, and soon they knew me well enough to include me in their conversations.
The girl, however, would still act somewhat distant. At the same time, we would talk quite often on social media, so I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. At one point I decided to talk to her in private.
I asked her what I had done wrong for her to ignore me. To my surprise, she insisted that she hadn’t been deliberately ignoring me and that I had done nothing wrong.
I then asked if she had time to hang out, but she made the excuse that she had slept very late last night and needed to take a nap.
The problems only continued to get worse.
She would always insist she was too busy to hang out, yet would also tell me about what she had been doing with friends over the weekend. I decided to consult friends, both hers and mine.
My pursuit of her was no secret, for I had been quite open and honest about my feelings since the beginning. When I asked her friends for their opinion on the situation, they told me that the girl was rather shy and really had been busy lately.
They also insisted that she genuinely enjoyed spending time with me. My friends, on the other hand, told me that I should give up on her for my own sake.
They told me that Chinese people were extremely indirect when it came to relationship culture, unlike me, and that I would be disappointed if I wanted the truth. My friends forced me to consider the possibility that she had no feelings for me, and whether friendship was an option.
I decided I’d consider it.
Eventually, I decided to confront her (again) sometime in November. I told her that I liked her. No response. That I think she made it pretty clear that she didn’t like me back.
No response. That she had been ignoring me lately. It was then that she opened her mouth to insist that, once again, she had not been ignoring me lately. She said that she had been busy studying for the exams we would have to take in order to finish the program, but she genuinely enjoyed spending time with me.
She told me that she had never been in a relationship before. I told her that was fine, and that we could just be friends. She promised me that she would definitely be free in February.
I then made a point of not bothering her to ask her out. We would continue having conversations, and she told me at one point about how she threw up after drinking 23 shots after going out to eat with friends.
While she was supposedly studying for exams.
Eventually, we took the exams and left the country for winter break. When we got back, we were approaching the end of January.
As I was talking to her, I asked if she was done with exams. She said yes. I asked if she had free time. She said yes. I asked if she was still down to hang out.
It was then that she came up with her worst and last excuse. “It gets cold during winter. My room is really messy, and I feel too lazy to go out.”
Let me explain to you what had been going on the whole time in my head. From the very beginning, I was quite clear about my feelings. I introduced myself to this girl because I was interested, asked her out because I liked her, and believed her because I had feelings for her.
I had been conflicted internally over these feelings for a long time. Part of me thought that I should take a hint that she wasn’t interested, that she didn’t owe me her time, and that we would be happier if I gave up on her.
The other part of me insisted that if I gave up so easily and didn’t trust her, it would trivialize my feelings for her. There were periods of time when I tried to give up, but that would just make me depressed and plunge me into a perpetual state of despair.
I liked the me that was in love with her. That me was brighter, happier, and more optimistic. However, I wasn’t delusional. I had seriously considered the possibility of just being friends with her.
I know many guys complain about the friend-zoneTM, but I thought that if I liked her enough to go out with her, then I definitely liked her enough to be friends.
I felt mature enough to handle a friendship without letting my feelings get in the way. I recognized that her indirectness would make it too frustrating to go out with her, but we could definitely still be friends.
However, I feel like there is something seriously wrong with the way she had been treating me. I’d understand if she didn’t have feelings for me and outright rejected me.
I’d understand if she came up with a valid excuse for why she couldn’t go out with me specifically, such as my ethnicity, even if it was completely made up.
However, for her to give me excuses such as “I’m busy with exams”, “I promise to hang out in February”, or “I’m very lazy during winter” is straight-up humiliating. Forget being a couple, even friends wouldn’t tell blatantly obvious excuses.
For her to tell me these low-effort excuses and then disprove them herself by telling me about hanging out with her friends, felt like a slap in the face. She doesn’t owe me her affection, nor does she owe me her time.
But if you tell someone you enjoy spending time with them, that you want to be friends, it’s expected that you treat them like a friend, or at least a fellow human being.
I’ve always been direct and completely honest with her, so I do feel like I deserve at least to be treated with the bare minimum of respect. I at least deserve the truth.
Friends don’t lie to each other, nor do they make each other wait three months for a promise that they’ll break later on. I should’ve made this clear to her long ago about how I felt, but I was too caught up in my happiness at just being around her that I held it in.
But after hearing the words “I’m too lazy”, I just couldn’t.
So I kind of went off on her. I asked her if she really thought I would believe her excuse this time.
I asked her if she knew how I felt. I asked her if she wanted to be friends, then why did she treat me this way? I asked her if she thought I deserved an explanation or not.
I told her everything that I had been holding in. We didn’t get to finish the conversation because we had to go to class, but she promised to call me that night.
I told her if she blew me off this time like she did before, I would never forgive her.
She did end up calling me that night. I asked her for an explanation.
She told me that she had never been interested in the beginning and that she didn’t know how to tell me. She confessed she lied to me about the deliberate ignoring and the excuses.
I asked her if she had considered how I would react to the excuses she gave, and she confessed she hadn’t and wasn’t sure what to do. Then she started breaking down and crying.
She told me she didn’t know her actions would make me feel this way, and that she hadn’t meant to hurt me. She told me she felt like a bad person.
I’ve been taught that no matter the situation, a man should never make a woman cry. I immediately tried to comfort her and insisted it was my fault for holding onto feelings that I should’ve let go of.
I told her it didn’t matter what happened in the past, as long as we learned from it and tried to create a better future. I asked her if she still wanted to be friends, and she told me she wasn’t sure.
I promised her I wouldn’t let my previous feelings for her get in the way of our friendship. I had always been honest with her, so she believed me and told me she was willing to try.
We then spent the rest of the night chatting amicably as if our fight had never happened. I learned later on that she had skipped dinner just to talk to me.
I made this post because I’m conflicted. I feel like trash for making a girl cry, especially since she was a girl I liked. I’m worried I crossed some sort of line I shouldn’t have.
Yet at the same time, I don’t feel like my feelings were wrong. I do think that I was justified in thinking that she hadn’t been treating me the way she should.
Our friendship since then has never been better, and she hangs out with me a lot more now. The value of that relationship isn’t necessarily inferior to a romantic one.
She insists that what happened wasn’t my fault. Yet, I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself for making a girl cry in order to get what I wanted. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She gave you multiple hints, and you ignored them to your own detriment. She was trying to be nice at first. She told you she was busy studying, then came back and told you she was out drinking.
That was her way of saying ‘I have time, just not for you.’ You could have saved face, and moved on.
In the future, please take the hints when they’re dropped, and don’t confront people about your feelings.
It’s not fair to them, and ultimately it won’t make you feel any better.” starredandfeathered
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you kept pursuing even after it was clear she wasn’t interested. Sure, she could have been more straightforward, but saying an outright “no” can lead to really bad reactions from guys.
Also, it’s pretty weird to take a class just to hang out with someone you’re romantically interested in.” plrja13
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk, if we apply Hanlon’s razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”
I can tell you weren’t deliberately trying to hurt her, you just seem to be socially impaired. You state multiple times that you knew she was trying to give you a hint, but I don’t think you really understood what that meant.
There’s a difference between knowing you should do something and understanding why. Like some of the other commenters said, a lot of women are unable to outright say no due to social influences.
Some women just don’t feel safe verbalizing their feelings. I’m giving you benefit of the doubt because you don’t seem to have intentionally done harm, and you seem to feel bad for what you’ve done.
But you need to grow up and understand that women don’t owe you anything. Just saying you know it doesn’t mean you understand it.” IndependentMetal5
I think you need to drop the whole relationship. You say you can handle it being friendship but I doubt it. And she's making time for you now out of guilt. It's not gonna go well.
3. AITJ For Wanting To Stay With My Family Rather Than At A Hotel With My Partner?
“I (31M) have been living in the states for 3 years. Originally my company sent me to the states for 3 months as part of a training program.
Then I got offered a permanent role in the states. That was how I ended up staying in the states and met my partner (30F) as well.
I will be going back to my hometown (Penang, Malaysia) this August for the first time.
My partner said she wanted to accompany me. I said ok but she asked me to stay with her in the hotel room. I told her I prefer to stay with my family and sleep in my room but I would still accompany her during the day.
She was visibly upset.
Why she couldn’t stay in my house?
- I have 3 dogs. She doesn’t like dogs.
- My bed is super single-size. It couldn’t fit 2 people
Why do I prefer to stay with my family?
- I haven’t seen my family for 3 years
- I lost my grandmother. Couldn’t see her for the last time. I want to spend more time with my family.
- I have a very old dog (16M).
I want to spend more time with him too.
- I can stay for free at my house.
Why my partner wanted me to stay with her in the hotel room?
- Penang is a tourist spot (Recently voted as the 3rd best island in the world to retire). She wants me to bring her around.
- She is afraid to stay in the hotel room alone.
AITA?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You want to spend time with family (which is reasonable) and she wants to spend time with you (also reasonable). I would suggest she joins you part way into your time back home so you can spend some time with your family but then also have some time with your partner for a holiday and her meeting your family.
Relationships are about compromise, buddy.” Spider_Jew
Another User Comments:
“Omg no jerks here.
Your partner wants to join you, of course that makes sense she’d want to join you.
Also makes sense she may be more comfortable at a hotel — can your partner join you next time?
This seems like not the trip for her to join you on.
This seems like a reunion trip just for you and your family. No jerks here.” No-Expert5800
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honestly, you should go alone on this trip and wait until next time when it hasn’t been 3 years since you’ve gotten to see your family.
This trip needs to ONLY be about you spending time with and reconnecting with your family – no sightseeing stuff, no splitting your attention between family and your partner (who has gotten to see you all the time for the last few years).
Seriously. Your partner should not go with you this time. It will end up with her miserable and wanting your attention, your family upset because they will feel like she is being selfish by taking ‘their’ time when she gets you all the time in the US (which would set the tone for their feelings about her forever), and you stuck in the middle trying to please everyone while not being able to please anyone.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – kinda. Your reasons for wanting to stay with your family make sense, but your partner is the one traveling to a new place and is afraid of being alone.
Relationships require sacrifices. Honestly, I’m not sure I would pick this one to be one of the things you argue about. My vote would be to either stay with her or figure out how she can stay with you and your family.” Lildiar
Looking at it from her perspective , I would not like to travel to a foreign country with my SO, only to be dumped in a hotel room and ignored while he spends time with his family. She doesn't speak the language, she'd be terrified to "sightsee" by herself, and would resent the heck out of you for bringing her if youre not spending time with her. It is completely and totally unreasonable for you to expect her to accept this.
Leave her at home this time and go reconnect with your family.
2. AITJ For Telling My Son He Deserved To Be Broken Up With?
“So my son had a long-distance partner recently for about two years.
She was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her and welcomed her with open arms. She was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her.
I tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the traveling.
He said no. And my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. I spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too.
Which is fair enough.
He said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. My son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his partner and us that he was perfectly fine never traveling anywhere including holidays, etc.
Last week, he told us she’s dumped him. I went on her social media page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms), and looks like she’s with a new guy already.
My wife and I have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son.
I confessed to them both that I actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it.
He did not treat her properly and I hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. I said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time.
My wife and son are very upset that I said this. Very very upset and my wife says I am being horrible.
AITJ? I stand by what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of your job as a father (I am one myself) is to educate your son. It does him no favors to coddle him over stupidity like his mother wants to do.
Rather you are there to help him learn lessons. Sometimes that requires being harsh. Don’t be any harsher than you need to be, but do your job Dad.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I have a feeling she tried really hard to get him to work harder on the relationship while this other guy was starting to show interest. Doesn’t necessarily mean she was being unfaithful, but he could’ve helped sway her to leave your son.
Rightfully so, ofc. Because, well, if your son wasn’t going to try, then she deserves to leave for someone who’s willing to try for her.
I get why your wife would be upset.
You mentioned he’s a mama’s boy, so ofc she’ll want to defend him to the end because she coddles him to death.
But to be fair, your son needs a dose of reality.
He’s 24. He can’t keep living in his bubble where he never does anything wrong or that he doesn’t deserve some of the things that’ll get thrown his way.
Your wife needs to stop the coddling. Boy needs reality.” iBeFloe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a sticky situation. Your son was in the wrong and he needed to hear it BUT because he is your son I can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that.
If you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid.
You could start off in a supporting manner by saying stuff like ‘there are other fish in the sea’ yadda yadda etc… And then tell him that he could have been a better partner.” starsformylove
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Like, everybody.
Your son for lack of effort.
Your wife for enabling him.
The partner, assuming your assumption she was two-timing is correct.
And you for piling on.
Your son already knew how you felt since you already told him. He messed up. He is hurting. Now is not the time for ‘I told you so.'” Spectrum2081
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Yes, he was lazy. Yes, she should have broken up with him. That said, no one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability.
Save it for when you’re both reminiscing/reflecting. Give him time to reach that conclusion on his own and support him through his growth. Don’t shove it down his throat so you can feel good because you’re right.” Ppwner
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, even though you’re 100% correct.
I know there are going to be a lot of people here who tell you that you’re not a jerk because internet culture is such that people are convinced that being a jerk to someone who deserves it is the same as not being a jerk.
That is not correct.
There are probably ways you could have helped your son to learn from this while still being supportive through a rough time for him – and if you still thought it needed to be said, total honesty could’ve come later, after he has healed some.
But right now you’re dumping salt on a wound because you told him how to not get wounded, and that’s not going to help anyone outside of satisfying your own ego.
But hey, if it makes you feel any better, I probably would’ve told him to stop being a loser or something else awful. It’s totally understandable that you were a jerk, but you were still a jerk.” absynthe7
1. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother?
“I (25F) have a brother (40M) that I considered more like a substitute father in my early childhood. We’re very much alike. Except that I took a very different path in life.
I’m a nurse, I got married after giving birth to a beautiful daughter, and overall things are starting to go well for my family. He, on the other hand, doesn’t work and spends his days at home.
He was on some hard illegal substances and generally was just making poor life choices.
Three or so weeks ago, my brother’s long-term partner asked him to leave. He did and came to crash on my couch.
I was fine with this as long as he sought help for his illegal substance issues/mental health and tried to get a job. Which to his credit, he is doing.
There were a few hiccups (he left to go with my sister, ended up coming back, walked out again, came back), but he was doing the things I knew he needed. Things were okay.
Until yesterday.
I had worked from 10p-8a the previous night. I came home and passed out. Husband took daughter to daycare, all was well. Around 5:30 or so, I’m woken up by my toddler telling me she had fish and dinner was ready.
Then I got a call. My brother was calling me. He had gone for a walk.
I had put some salmon in the sink the night before I worked. It was in cold water and thawed slowly.
I was unaware you shouldn’t do this, and fish should only be left out of the fridge for up to two hours. I know that now but had always thawed the fish out overnight in pretty cold water.
No one in the house has ever gotten sick from it, and as my daughter absolutely loves fish, we do it every couple of weeks.
Anyways, my brother calls me saying how we shouldn’t do that and we’re basically poisoning our daughter with bad meat.
I replied with something along the lines of okay, well take it from her and not do it again. He asked how I wasn’t reacting more panicky or anything and I just said “so you want me to take her to the hospital and have her stomach pumped or something?” He hung up on me and started texting me long paragraphs about how he can’t believe I’m not more upset and that I should be apologizing to him for the way I talked to him.
I told him that he called me and started in on me about trying to kill my child, and I wasn’t apologizing for not getting worked up. He threatened to call DFS (Department of Family Services) and all sorts of other things, told me to screw off and he wasn’t coming back.
So I got all his stuff gathered and left it at the door. I told him where the stuff was and blocked him.
I do understand now that it was a dangerous thing to do, and he says he panicked and that’s why he went off on me, but just because he panicked and threatened to call DFS over a plate of fish, I’m TJ for not getting worked and not letting him come back?
I don’t feel in the wrong at all, but he was so insistent that I was being unreasonable that maybe I’m missing something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your home is YOUR HOME.
Nothing wrong with reducing the stress and chaos in your own home. Kicking out is fine. Blocking might be a bit much unless he is sending too many messages.
Any chance that his illegal substance history might have been self-medicating for mental health concerns that still need to be addressed?
Sounds like he does not have a good grip on reality.” suss-out
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You made a mistake. Everyone is fine. You won’t do it again. Oh, well.
This guy, though… I know you love your brother and feel like you need to help, and you tried. However, you’re right to kick him out and cut him off.
An unstable person who makes threats like that can’t be in your home with you and your child anymore.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you understood your mistake. The baby is not dying.
It’s okay. Traumatizing the child and suggesting she get her stomach pumped, being unreasonable, and threatening to call DFS, parents make mistakes. It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re a parent.
He was way out of line, and if he wasn’t going to respect you, he doesn’t deserve your help.” Lyntho
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sounds like he overreacted and was disrespectful to you as a parent and as his host. You then also reacted emotionally and escalated. If either of you had remained calm and helped the other to relax it would have gone very differently.
If you can both apologize and talk about it, and any other issues, you can mend this and move forward with a better relationship.” ResearcherExpress671
