People Prove They're Underdogs In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Taking Away My Son's Car As Punishment?
“My son “Hank” M17 was involved with a girl named “Mae” for two years. Throughout those years, he was a great partner to her, at least from what my wife and I saw. Mae also grew very close with us and came to a lot of family dinners and vacations.
Mae has a lot going for her–she’s a straight-A student and three-sport varsity athlete, so naturally we hoped Hank would continue to be with Mae.
A couple of weeks ago, Hank came home crying and told us that Mae had ended things with him.
We were sympathetic–I took him on a long fishing trip the next day and my wife made him his favorite meal for dinner. However, the next day, my wife conveniently ran into Mae at the mall. Since she was close with my wife, Mae told her the truth–that Hank had been unfaithful to her.
My wife came home in tears, but I was so furious that there was steam coming from my ears. I looked through Hank’s bank account transactions, which I never do because Hank is unusually responsible for a 17-year-old and up until now I’ve trusted him.
Sure enough, there were several charges from an upscale seafood restaurant a few towns over (Mae is vegetarian and allergic to shellfish), as well as a pair of sterling silver earrings (my wife reminded me that Mae’s ears are sensitive to sterling silver). That’s when the perfect punishment came to mind.
I had bought Hank a nice car for his 17th since he had proved to be a good driver in the old beater he had previously. Since he was using that shiny car to drive twenty miles to meet his mistress, I would revoke his access to it.
I waited until Hank got home that evening before throwing his keys into the lake behind our house. He of course begged me not to, but I explained to him as the legal owner of the vehicle I get to do with it as I see fit, and I don’t see being unfaithful to your partner as fit.
He threw a tantrum and ran up to his room.
I was feeling quite pleased with myself until my wife got home and asked why Hank was so upset. When I told her why, she said my form of punishment was inappropriate. She said it would take away his independence.
We live in a suburban area so there’s not much to do within walking distance. Plus, he would have to take the bus to school, and he would be the only upperclassman to do so. She said it would be a good punishment if we caught him being unfaithful multiple times, but not a first-time punishment, since Hank has been a good kid overall.
It is true that Hank has been a good kid. He gets good grades, keeps his nose clean, doesn’t do anything illegal, etc, but being unfaithful is a pretty heavy violation in my book. Honestly, I’m having a hard time seeing my wife’s perspective.
If Hank had been eighteen or older, I would have asked him to leave the house. Am I being fair, or is my wife right?”
Another User Comments:
“You are a jerk for throwing the keys into a lake (hoping you didn’t). I can understand the anger but I would consider talking with your son and finding some other way to help him understand the hurt he caused. Punishment isn’t really effective without other steps taken.
So, it may just make him angry and angrier at you. Overall NTJ is due to the situation but consider another approach.” lmmontes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy! Normally I’d be laughing my rear off over something like this, but you’re taking this entire thing to the extremes(kicking him out if he was 18?
really dude?) and you seem to be getting way too much pleasure out of being actively cruel to your kid. Emphasis on the word KID. Because that’s what he is. Being unfaithful is wrong, obviously, but he isn’t some middle-aged man breaking up his marriage and family.
He’s a teenager who needs a lesson in how to treat women, and instead of giving him that(which is your JOB AND OBLIGATION AS HIS DAD by the way), you jumped at the opportunity to make him miserable. You didn’t throw his keys in the lake to make him think about his actions.
You did it purely to see him hurt. That’s not what punishments exist for. You ever think that maybe Hank’s treatment of his loved ones is a reflection of how YOU treat yours?” nony2345
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Were you a perfect teenager who never did anything wrong or hurt another person ever?
And who exactly has been responsible for teaching him right from wrong, and how to treat women, if not his parents? And to suggest you would have kicked him out of his home and taken all love and security away from him, had this happened a few months later, jeez…” Original-Winter9334
19. AITJ For Being Fed Up With My Friend's Expensive And Demanding Wedding Expectations?
“I am the MOH in my friend’s wedding and I think my friend is being tacky, inconsiderate, and selfish. The bride was with her fiancé for 10 years before he proposed. Because of that, there is a lot of anticipation in her mind of having a perfect wedding.
They explicitly picked a venue that allows them to pay 1/2 of their wedding after the day, so they plan to use the gifts that people give to pay for the wedding. In terms of pre-wedding events, there was an engagement party, bachelorette party, and bridal party.
I had to spend hundreds of dollars in gifts and traveling for each of these events. The bachelorette party cost $1,200 per girl. For her bridal shower, she explicitly put on the invitations that she wants guests to NOT give physical gifts, but rather give money to contribute to their honeymoon fund.
(Their honeymoon is $10,000+)
For the bridal shower, I was not given the chance to plan anything. She took charge and planned out EVERYTHING (theme, decorations, venue, etc)7 months prior. In my opinion, bridal showers are typically planned FOR the bride, not BY the bride. So this in conjunction with explicitly asking for cash gifts feels very tacky.
There were a few other rude things on her end. Her cousin got engaged after her but planned a wedding three months before. The bride was extremely offended that her cousin was “stealing her thunder.” Also, my parents did not receive an invite to her wedding despite knowing her throughout childhood and taking her on family vacations.
This is not a huge deal, but it is worth mentioning since I am laying everything out.
By the time the wedding is over, I will spend about $2,800 on gifts, travel, and bridal party duties. So with that in mind, here comes my final breaking point.
The bride asked the bridal party who wanted to get their hair and makeup done ($120 for each service). I said I would do my own makeup & get my hair done. Most of the bridal party opted to just do their own. The bride tells me she’s annoyed more people aren’t getting it done & the whole point of being in the bridal party is to be getting ready together the morning of.
I say don’t stress as we’d still get ready together and have fun. Fast forward a few weeks. The bride is finalizing who is getting their glam done. She sent me a long text message about how she couldn’t believe I was not getting my makeup done even AFTER she said she was upset about the bridal party not getting their services.
Since I’m the MOH I will be in a lot of pictures & it’s a big day, so I really should get it done. After lecturing me about how wrong I was, she said she’d just pay for mine since it was clearly something I didn’t want to pay for.
She insisted I don’t tell anybody else since she can’t afford to pay for anyone else. In my opinion, the way this was handled was extremely offensive. It’s ironic that she can’t afford to pay for the bridal party’s glam, but she INSISTS that they be willing to pay and do it.
AITJ for being fed up just waiting for it to be over, rather than being able to be excited for my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I don’t get these people who expect everyone to bend over backward & go broke out of celebration that they met someone they want to be with for the long haul.
She’s being extremely entitled, not to mention tacky & outright rude. She’s treating you like you owe her something because she asked you to be the MOH. Think about it like this… Would you do this to her?” corner_tv
Another User Comments:
“You’re being a little judgmental. If you read how many people here complain about gifts, asking for money (which everyone needs) is actually a great option rather than having to lug around a bunch of junk nobody needs.
Especially since they’ve already been together 10 years, they don’t need a blender. She’s paying for your makeup, so I don’t see how that’s even an issue. If you didn’t want to spend $2800, you could opt-out or negotiate cheaper options.” DeliciousLanguage9
18. AITJ For Not Giving Up A Parking Spot That An Elderly Lady Claimed Was Hers?
“So I (27m) had a dentist appointment this morning and had gotten to the parking garage with about 10 minutes to spare at the time. It’s a relatively small parking garage that is underground but it is part of a shopping mall with much more parking surrounding the mall.
This garage is meant for patients only (there are a few doctor offices that this is attached to).
All the spots were taken when I first arrived and both me and another car (in front of me) were circling around waiting to see if a spot opened up.
Eventually, the car in front decided to pull off to the side while I kept circling. Somewhat soon after that, a pregnant lady walks out of the building and starts walking to her car and sort of points in the general direction of where she is parked. I pull around to where her car is and turn on my signal. While I was waiting for her to pull out of the space, an elderly lady appeared (maybe 60s, hard for me to gauge these things) and was saying “That’s my spot!
That’s my spot!”. I pulled down my window and asked her what she meant by that and she said “That’s my parking spot and you’re in the way, so you need to move so I can get to it”. This still while the person in the spot hadn’t even pulled out yet.
I had also pulled a little too close so I needed to back up a tiny bit for her to get out comfortably. I asked the lady why is it her spot and she said “Because this person (pointing at the car) said she would give it to me.” I asked if she even knew the lady and even if she did, that’s not how parking spots work.
She said that she did know the lady, she just had a conversation with her about getting her spot. I didn’t really know what to say and kind of paused without saying anything for a few seconds and she finally said “Fine!! Take the spot!” By the time I was entering the building the lady had found a spot much much closer to the entrance (which is great, I really don’t care), but the whole interaction left me feeling a bit weird the whole day and got me wondering if I was being a jerk for not just letting her have the spot.
If she had said she was really running late or some other reasoning along those lines I feel like I may have reconsidered but the fact she just came off saying that it’s her spot made me feel like she was just being entitled or something.
For some additional context: she appeared to be in good health, and this spot was one of the farthest from the entrance, so it’s not like she wanted it for accessibility reasons.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, maybe not necessarily a jerk, but since the older lady was there first I don’t know what to say… It’s true that she did stop circling, so there’s that too.
I’m gonna go with No jerks here” Europeangirl101
Another User Comments:
“There are definitely places where parking “works like that”. I’ve been in plenty of crowded parking lots or just walking down the street with people asking me if I’m leaving. You were circling for a spot, she was circling for a person leaving a spot.
She saw her thing first.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she did know the lady and they had a conversation about her getting the spot then she needs to take it up with the lady that two times her by motioning to you for you to go wait for her spot!!” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Partner For Peeping While I Was Nursing?
“Before I start some notes. I (21F) have a 4-month-old daughter with my late husband who was hit by a heavy drinker driver about 6 months ago.
I tend to dress for comfort vs fashion.
Yesterday I went to my grandparents to celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary. Since it was over 100 degrees (40C) I opted for Bermuda shorts and a nursing tank top, nothing fancy just comfortable. Midway through baby got hungry so I went to my grandparent’s spare room to feed her without making my dad uncomfortable that my chest was out.
The house my grandparents live in is very old (Pop Pop hand-built it for Gran) and as such sometimes the doors are a little tricky. I thought I fully shut the door but it popped ajar as I sat down to feed the baby.
A couple minutes pass and I get the overpowering feeling that I’m being watched but I can’t see anyone at the door so I shrug it off.
After five more minutes, the door creaks open a little causing me to look up, thinking mom’s coming to check on me, only to find my sister’s partner (19M) staring at me like I’m a wounded gazelle sitting in front of a lion. I shout “GTFO” he jumps and runs down the hall.
I cover baby ears because I hear Mom and gran coming down the hall and I’m so embarrassed/upset that I know I’m going to shout again.
Mom walks in and asks what’s going on I’m shouting loud enough that I know my dad and sister can hear it.
My sister comes in shouting saying I was lying and just trying to make her partner look bad to Dad and that I should’ve brought a bottle if I knew baby would be hungry. This caused an even bigger fight that led me to say I didn’t want the partner around me again and have my dad and older brother drive me and my car home because I was crying too hard to safely drive the car with the baby in it.
I woke up this morning to a text from my sister saying she’s sorry and how she feels I owe her partner an apology for embarrassing him in front of our family. I told her I wouldn’t be apologizing which created a whole new round of fighting.
Is she right, AITJ for calling him out like that in front of our family or was I in the right here?”
Another User Comments:
“Only a kid would support this behavior, your sister is immature and blind. What HE did is by no means appropriate.
NTJ I would respond in the same way as you and probably chase him all over the house to get out.” Wingardiumis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d split the family with how strongly I’d respond to a predator that acted that way around me and my child.
NC with anyone who supported that nonsense. You are in a weakened, healing state *feeding* your child and he watched you like a predator while you were in a private space. If he is that bold with the entire family in the house, he is an unsafe person to be near *at all*.
I would never attend another invite he was welcome at.” BrightImagination931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister is a weirdo. She’s sorry for what exactly?? She claims you should’ve brought a bottle but how does that negate her partner creeping on you? It’s also the fact that she’s defending him after she likely saw him running back to wherever they were that’s very strange.
I’m very sorry for your loss you don’t deserve this extra stress” let_it_be_22
16. AITJ For Being Rude To My Sister At My Son's Wedding After She Disrespected Our Dying Mother?
“I (54F) went to the wedding of my son (31M).
It was a pretty extravagant affair, he and his now husband had invited everyone under the sun to join as his husband’s father had gifted them a lot of money to spend on their wedding.
This meant that they invited everyone in the family, including my sister “Sharon” (47F).
We were never close and we only ever argue when we talk to each other. She has also never been close with my son, and when her own son was alive they met only once or twice.
I mentioned to my son when he said that Sharon was to be invited that it might not be a good idea, but of course, he gets to decide who goes to his own wedding.
He said that he wanted her there so that she could feel more included in the family, which is a valid reason and I didn’t press any further.
Another reason I am not close with Sharon is that her mental state is… questionable. Her first husband took her to be evaluated by a psychiatrist who said that she was fine, but to watch out for her.
She’s also fallen into a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and pseudoscience – she is an anti-vaxxer and has a bunch of other similarly silly beliefs.
During the ceremony, Sharon and I sat as far away from each other as possible, and it went fine.
It was a beautiful occasion and I am very happy to have seen my son’s partner become part of the family officially and my son-in-law.
At the reception, Sharon walked up to me and talked about how nice it was that her nephew had invited her.
I replied that yes, it’s very kind of him, admittedly in a rather icy tone. We stood in awkward silence for a bit until she asked how “your mother” was.
Our mother (76F) has had cancer for a while now and Sharon, who never liked her, did not care to communicate with her whatsoever.
I said she’s not very well, but chemo is helping and there’s a chance she’ll get through it and live for a bit longer.
Sharon, ever the social media scientist, had the audacity to say “No wonder she’s not well, the stupid woman is having chemotherapy which kills people”.
I was incredibly angry – our mother was DYING and Sharon did not care. I just told her, “Oh, shut up!“ I couldn’t spend another minute with her and I walked out of the venue to my car which was parked outside along with the others.
I wasn’t planning on driving away, just to have a moment to myself and I went back about 15-20 minutes later and stayed away from Sharon.
The next day, my son called me and said that Sharon had complained to him and everyone else at the event while I was gone that I had been really rude and dismissive of her.
He said that I should have at least made an effort to get along with her when she had genuinely tried to talk to me politely and that the two of us had made a negative impact on the entire wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk- tell your son what she said about your mother (HIS GRANDMOTHER BTW) and I think he’ll honestly realize your reaction was what you were doing to try and keep from making a negative impact on his wedding- SHE went around gossiping to people about how SHE disrespected your dying grandmother, at his own wedding!!!!
and YOU stepped away after realizing she wasn’t trying to have a friendly conversation •_•. Forget that sister bro. You’re so big for not being so upset about what she said about your grandma in the moment.” Echos_light
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell your son it wouldn’t have been uncomfortable if a) his aunt hadn’t said what she said about your dying mother and b) his aunt hadn’t gone around telling everyone.
If you’d have done to her what I would have done THEN you would have made a scene at the wedding. Instead, you told her quietly to shut up and you removed yourself from the situation. I take my hat off to you and the class that you showed.” Forsaken-Teaching756
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you made one comment, and she ran around whining and complaining to everyone about how mean you were to her! You need to tell your son that. You do not need to put up with someone who pushed your buttons about your dying mother (and his grandmother!) enough for you to say 3 words to hers and walk away to cool off.
“So, son, you know me. You don’t know her. But you’re taking her word over mine. Thank you. That’s so very hurtful.”” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Let His Friend Sleep Over Without Asking Me?
“My partner “James” [34M] and I [29F] have been in a relationship for a year. We don’t live together, but we have spare keys to each other’s places for emergencies. I live within walking distance of bars, so we usually stay at my apartment after a night out.
It’s worth mentioning that I live in a neighborhood with some sketchy characters.
Last Saturday, James went out with friends after a concert, and I went to a bonfire with my own friends. I was driving, so I didn’t drink much. We agreed to meet up afterward.
Around midnight, I briefly stopped by his bar, but I was tired and left early.
James came back after the bar closed at 3 am. We chatted a bit and settled to sleep. Since I was awake, I got up and went to the bathroom. While walking over, I heard some rustling on the couch.
I quickly used the bathroom, wrapped myself in a towel and walked back to the bedroom. I woke up James in a panic and told him there was someone in the apartment. He told me it was his friend Paul [41M]. Turns out around 2 am, Paul was ready to leave the bar and James gave him the keys to my apartment for him to sleep on my couch.
I got angry about not being consulted. We started arguing (no yelling though). I suggested that we continue the conversation in the morning because he had been drinking, but he insisted that we resolve the issue right then. In the meantime, I think Paul heard us because he left the apartment.
I explained to James that I got scared, mistaking Paul for an intruder. I was also upset that he hadn’t consulted me about his friend staying over. To everything I said, he replied “That’s stupid” following with one of the following arguments:
– We’re not the same about these things.
He considers that what’s his is mine, and assumes it was the same for me.
– A similar situation wouldn’t bother him.
– It didn’t cross his mind that I might be scared.
– He texted me (at 2 am, I didn’t see) but didn’t want to wake me with a call.
– I should have predicted that he would invite his friend because that’s how he is.
– He invited Paul to save him from an expensive taxi ride home (or driving home after drinking).
I agree that I might have been irrational in imagining an intruder. It’s also true that he’s more generous than me.
However, I really didn’t care that Paul stayed over. I just wished I was told, because I felt like my privacy was violated.
The next day, we discussed it again. James was more receptive and genuinely apologized for not validating my feelings. He agreed that he shouldn’t make assumptions based on his personal way of seeing things.
He reassured me that I should always feel comfortable sharing my feelings.
It isn’t the first time we argue after he comes home after drinking. I told him I didn’t want him to come to sleep at my place after drinking anymore.
So AITJ? Did I overreact?
Am I being too selfish and rigid about sharing my apartment? Is banning him from sleeping over too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything you reacted and if it were me, not only would he not be allowed to crash at my place after drinking, he wouldn’t have a key to my place anymore either.” Annalirra
Another User Comments:
“You were not irrational imagining an intruder. *There was an intruder!* Someone was in your apartment without your knowledge or your permission. Seriously, the partner is completely out of line here. I think you are being very generous by merely telling him you don’t want him to sleep at your place after he’s been drinking.
I’d have asked for my key back. NTJ” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and those two are lucky your reaction was to go use the bathroom, back and tell your partner. I would get my phone, lock myself in the bathroom, and call the police.
If I was walking by him, he moved and I realized at that moment a stranger is near me in my home, I’d start hitting him with everything I could get my hands on. And even those two things I don’t consider to be an overreaction if it happened in my home without warning.
His bringing his friend over without asking is a habit that should be known by the other person and agreed to. But giving someone keys to your place even without your consent is something I would go crazy about even during the day.” sickBhagavan
14. AITJ For Rescuing A Neglected Dog Multiple Times And Trying To Keep Him?
“A month ago I saw a dog running on the side of the road, it was a busy road and I witnessed him almost get hit by a semi. I picked him up and cared for him for the day.
He was severely matted, full of ticks, and fleas, skinny, etc. I brought him to the vet and had his chip scanned. He was chipped but it was not registered. I was told to post on social media. I ended up finding the owner and returning him.
I explained that he almost got hit and that I bathed him and found ticks and fleas. That his microchip was not registered, and that the vet said he was most likely trying to escape because he was not neutered.
I then continuously saw him posted as found in the same spot on the busy road on lost and found social media groups within the month after he returned. The fourth time I saw him posted I decided to take action.
I provided him with pictures that I had when he was with me.
I brought him to the vet and got his fleas and ticks treated, and I got him protected against diseases. I bathed him and shaved out the majority of the matting, with a plan to get him professionally groomed after the 48-hour wait time.
He was timid and behaved like he had been mistreated, but he was so sweet. He doesn’t even know what toys are.
I also got him a full blood panel done, and he has Lyme disease… which he needs treatment for, but I do not believe the owners would treat him if they don’t even treat fleas and ticks.
I had Lyme disease myself and know how awful it is, I can’t imagine how the poor little guy feels daily. He is also underweight and you can feel all of his bones.
After having him for three days the “owners” found me through the person I claimed him from.
They got the cops involved and they threatened to arrest me if I did not surrender him to animal control. I brought him in as I was told to do, but I am trying to fight for him that he is neglected and going to end up getting hit on the busy road he is always roaming.
I tried to explain to the owners how neglected he was as well… I offered to buy him, to provide him with a loving home where he could live indoors and have proper vet care… they said they had 6 kids and wanted their dog back… and that I had stolen their property.
I am so devastated because I know he is going back to a terrible situation. I just don’t know how to save him… and I don’t know if taking him was wrong in the first place. I just want him to be safe, he deserves that.
The police said he lives on a farm and some farm dogs just get out, and don’t always get cared for like indoor animals. I feel that is unfair to him, and that he should be given better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if he runs away again, which he’ll probably do, grab him and register his chip under your name.
Say nothing on social media or any social media groups. This way, if the owner tries to say that the dog is his, you’ve got a microchip with all your information on it. (to register under the microchip, ask the vet or whoever scans him for the number of the chip.)” Theunpolitical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: if and when he gets out again and you take him what you tell the police is this word for word “I don’t answer questions without my lawyer present”. Cop “Can I search your house” You “I don’t answer questions without my lawyer present”” SadisticNecromancer
13. AITJ For Not Initially Inviting My Gay Brother To My Bachelor Party?
“I (30M) got engaged to my fiancé, Jenny(28F), two years ago.
We have known each other since we were kids because Jenny’s best friend is my younger brother, who I will call Matt(28M). Matt has always stood out ever since we were kids, we live in a small town, and Matt has always been quite obviously gay (He came out at 15).
He was always dancing and dressing up. All of his friends were girls, and he loved doing hair and makeup.
The issue really is that Matt says he wants to come to my bachelor party, but I (and others) actually believe he really would rather be at Jenny’s Bachelorette.
They are both on the same night also, so it’s not even like he can go to both. My other brother, Ben (31M) is my best man. He’s a great guy but he and Matt do not get along well. I know they both think the other is “too much”.
When Ben began organising my bachelor party he didn’t invite Matt. I feel bad because initially, I didn’t notice until Matt called me and asked why he wasn’t in the group chat. I told him I honestly didn’t know, I knew he had talked about stuff with Ben before this, so was confused. I said that I’d call Ben to ask him.
When I called Ben to say he told me he thought that Matt wouldn’t be interested in the “Bachelor activities” (we’re going clay pigeon shooting, paint-balling, etc) and that he’d rather be with the girls at the Bachelorette.
Ben also said that he didn’t invite Matt because when they were discussing what to do Matt kept demanding plans be changed. For example, he refused to go to a sports bar because he felt it was too rowdy and wanted to go to another bar instead.
Ben said things like this kept happening and Matt was throwing tantrums when he wasn’t getting his way. He even wanted Ben to not invite some of the guys. Ben eventually had enough and decided not to add him to the group chat. He was going to message Matt about this, but his partner told him that Matt was in the Bachelorette chat and he just assumed he’d decided to go to it instead because it was more activities he would like (a drag brunch thing).
He didn’t say to me because he assumed it was sorted and fine.
I then went myself to speak to Matt, and told him what Ben had said, Matt said he only wanted to change things so he could feel safer at the bachelor party.
I told him that the plans were fine and wouldn’t change. I also said I knew he was invited to the Bachelorette and I knew he would like that more so I thought he should go to that with the girls. Matt said he’d never committed to that.
I told him he could come but no plans were changing but I thought he should go to Jenny’s. We got into a bit of an argument where Matt said I don’t respect him as a man. He said that I was being a jerk and that he wouldn’t be going to either party.
So AITJ in this?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, You for not inviting him or assuming he wouldn’t want to attend your party over the brides. Matt for trying to adjust the plans constantly. But really it seems like your other brother is the main problem in all of this.
I just get a vibe that he brought his own personal feelings about Matt into this which also caused Matt to act the way he did.” nackle09
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The older brother seems like a homophobe. The younger brother objects to activities as he does not feel safe.
Why exactly? You let one brother not invite the other brother. What would it hurt to invite him? Leave the plans as they are but let him decide, don’t take away his option. It is rather offensive that you assume he would prefer to do the girly stuff so you use that as a justification to exclude him.
Are you ashamed of him, of being associated with him? You mention the older brother is the best man, is the younger a groomsman or invited at all? Look at your own true reasons for not wanting him there. It’s your bachelor party, if you want your brother there, tell him.
If you don’t want your brother there, tell him.” Planochubbyboy
12. AITJ For Standing Up To Rude Behavior At My New Serving Job?
“So I (F) just started a new serving job at a nice restaurant, I’ve been a server for about 5/6 years so I have a lot of experience and enjoy working in the industry for the most part.
Because it’s fine dining they have an extensive training period which I don’t really mind.
After a couple of days of training, I noticed that there was a significant amount of people who were unnecessarily cold or rude towards me for no reason.
Some people said they “don’t think I’ll last” (I don’t know what I did that gave them that impression I was learning everything pretty quickly and felt like I was doing well, my trainers gave me mostly positive feedback) both to my face and when they thought I wasn’t listening.
I ignored it and attributed it to them thinking too highly of themselves which is pretty common for servers (I myself have the same problem every once in a while I’ll admit).
One day while my trainer went to help somewhere else I spent my time trying to help other people since it was a Friday night and really busy.
A guy asked me “Hey did you just run that food to [table #]” and when I said yes he groaned and said “Don’t ever touch my food again you hear me?” and started walking away. I sarcastically yelled after him “My name is [name] by the way!
You’re welcome for helping” to which he froze in his spot and turned to me again and said “I’m not going to bother learning your name until you earn it so don’t try playing nice”
I was pretty shocked by that response as no one has ever been that condescending and mean to me before (which is saying a lot since i worked at Twin Peaks), especially a coworker.
I got angry and told him “Who are you speaking to me that way? Don’t ever talk to me like that again I have more self-respect than to allow that from a coworker” After seeing the look of shock on his face at my response I asked for his name and when he gave it to me I said “I’m not going to bother learning your name until you earn it jerk” and left.
A couple hours later a girl came up to me and said “Were you talking to [same guy] earlier? Well he told me what happened and I just wanted to let you know that that’s how things go here sometimes and you will just have to get over it, to avoid the drama” I told her that I refused to get over it and that I also refuse to let anyone speak to me that way especially when I was trying to be helpful.
Now I get nasty looks from some other servers even though they’ve never spoken to me and my trainer told me that I have the “difficult” reputation now with some people.
I’m trying to figure out if I did something wrong but why are they all ignoring how he spoke to me first?
I try to be nice to all strangers, especially at a new job, but I’m not the kind of person to allow that kind of blatant disrespect and never have been. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a jerk here. It’s either the one server who got upset you helped him or the managers for allowing such a bad environment.
You can’t be a jerk when you are trying to help a coworker. And if it was abnormal at this restaurant to have someone else serve your food, the server could have explained that to you politely, knowing you are new.” TheNewVoiceOfReason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you were wrong there are professional ways to communicate that. He was unprofessional and rude, I would never speak to someone that way and wouldn’t allow anyone to speak to me in that manner. Sounds like you are doing a good job and your trainer sees it.
Wear the “difficult” title with pride and maintain your boundaries while being polite and professional with everyone. If they don’t want drama they can treat you with the same basic respect everyone deserves until they prove otherwise.” 777joeb
11. AITJ For Defending Myself Against Accusations From A Long-Time Friend?
“Last year, my friend(27f) of 20 years accused me (28f) of not listening to her about work.
That was fine, except that she didn’t allow me time to improve. She immediately went on a further rant and said “You seem to only care about yourself”. This comment was super hurtful to me as I have always made an effort in the relationship.
I have organized outings and bought her kids gifts. I never missed their birthdays previous to this argument. I felt like I was always encouraging the friendship.
This argument came one day after I had finished a University exam, so I had been busy.
I don’t think she liked that I argued with her back at all.
I wasn’t “nasty” but I feel like I did give her a reality check by telling her to bring up topics if she feels she wants to talk about them. I had initially said that I welcomed the feedback basically but it was the “you only seem to care about yourself” that sent me over the edge and I became angry with her accusations.
I am willing to accept feedback but if I feel someone is being unreasonable, I feel I have to defend myself.
I feel like this all sort of came from a mistake where I mixed up her job title essentially and she thought I forgot her title.
She blocked me and canceled a holiday that we had planned, just two days before we were meant to go. My partner and I caught flights not knowing if were going on this trip or not. I certainly felt I was not being cared for in this situation.
After many months, I was feeling pretty bad about the whole thing so I made an apology for being “argumentative”. She did not take the time to apologize at this time also, which hurt me. I felt like it was one-sided.
I then had a major accident and ended up in hospital for two weeks.
She sent me flowers after realizing on social media that I was hurt. Eventually, after some small talk about my injury, she asked if I wanted to meet up. I took about 6 days to reply to this. I was on a lot of pain meds and not in a good state.
I was feeling, and still am feeling resentful that I apologized and that she didn’t. I felt the situation was going to be brushed over due to my having a horrific injury.
I never heard from her again, and that was like 7 months ago.
I could be the jerk if I went about this the wrong way but I’m not sure. So, was I the jerk?
Context-
Further context.
I’ve always felt like a massive push over and last year I just said enough is enough. I will accept some criticism but I will not put up with people being mean and unreasonable.
I have had a pattern over my life of people being mean to me and me just not knowing how to respond and just accepting it. However, with age, I have learned I don’t want that in my life anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, NTJ.
You seemed to put an effort into the relationship, and honestly, the way she was trying to blame you for only caring about yourself was pretty low. Especially after saying here all the things you’ve done for her and her family. The fact that you had also just had a university exam that day means you were probably not too focused on everyone else’s tets when you had a lot to focus on yourself.
One day of being too busy to talk all about your friend seems fine to me. People need to realize that you might not be free or open to talk all the time and that people have lives themselves. Her also blocking you before a planned trip, then not even reaching out and only sending flowers and not even apologizing at this point when you got super injured is also a red flag, and the fact it kind of had to come to this is sketchy.
If I was in this relationship with her I would feel super used and just not happy being friends with her. OP, I hope you reach a meeting point between you two, or maybe it is time to go separate ways since she seems to only care about herself as well” Mortypilled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a genuine mistake while having a busy schedule and it seems your “Friend” couldn’t hack it. We all argue with friends and things can sometimes get out of hand and things that shouldn’t be said, get said. But if all it took was you muddling up a work title I’d say she’s had this locked up for a while and just taken all her frustration out on you.
I hope you sort it out. Ask her why she never apologized. Go from there. Good luck.” InfamousDemigod88
10. AITJ For Being Upset With My MIL's Overbearing Behavior And Unasked Playdates?
“My MIL is a ball of energy. She likes things her way and is constantly moving. It’s no problem when she’s at her home up north – it’s huge and there’s always something for her to do. She and my FIL moved to a small condo (still have the house up north that they stay at for weeks at a time).
My husband bought a home a few years ago. We were newly seeing each other and his parents helped him with the purchase. They’re a close family and they still see the home as “his” home and have no problem making themselves comfortable. I was with him through the house-shopping process and moved in with him on closing day.
We have a one-year-old together. My MIL is extremely close with her daughter (my SIL) and her two young kids. SIL is now living in their old house, so they all live together for weeks at a time. They’re a close family.
My MIL is driving me crazy.
She’s a huge help and I’m grateful for her, but she’s still driving me crazy. She comes over and constantly starts touching stuff and moving things. I asked her repeatedly not to touch the laundry, but whenever she comes over she’ll no doubt go through and start folding, etc. I feel like I’m crazy for complaining about it, but I’ve asked her multiple times not to and she still goes thru the dryer and does it.
She’s been more than willing to help with the baby, but the way she handles her drives me crazy. She’s very loud and in her face, she’ll come over and immediately take the baby from me. I don’t want her to not be herself, but I’m having a difficult time figuring out how to deal with it.
I’m kind of a control freak and I’m a very typical first-time mom, so I just have no idea how to relax about it.
This came to a head yesterday. I asked MIL if she could watch the baby while I did a short shift at work.
My husband was off of work, so I figured it’d be nice for them to spend time together. She came over and immediately said, “Oh, Sally’s (not her real name) coming over with her baby to play!” Sally used to work for their family business.
She’s my age and we had babies a week apart. I am not crazy about her for a number of reasons and have expressed that. I’ll hang out with her occasionally, but their family is much closer and has a weird fixation with her.
She did not ask, she did not talk to me about it, just invited this girl over for a play date while I was going to be away at work.
It’s great for my baby to have the socialization, sure, but this all just rubbed me the wrong way.
I want my baby to have a great relationship with her grandparents, but I’m just having a difficult time setting aside my own feelings. It’s getting to the point that I don’t want MIL coming over because it makes me so anxious and I’d just rather not deal with it.
AITJ? What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your husband needs to have a conversation about boundaries with his mom. If you and her have an otherwise good relationship then let him deal with it. But boundaries must be set and the sooner the better” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. When you ask for free babysitting – you don’t get to then dictate how it’s done (unless it’s unsafe for your child). “*Free*” only means in monetary terms with in-laws; sometimes it costs you in having your independent preferences.
Your MIL jumped to babysit, and is socializing your baby with another baby the same age. Your child is in safe hands. You don’t like the other mom? You’re not even there. I was going to give a gentle y t a just for that.
I mean, does she smoke and blow the smoke in your child’s face? My MIL is a religious nut, I’m a different religion, she has no problem relaying every stereotype verbally in front of my kids AND she thinks feeding kids spoiled food is OK.
Yours is nice, active, willing to babysit, and is merely a little loud? Girl, you are lucky. If you feel that strongly – get a babysitter and don’t rely on her. If you are asking for free sitting from an in-law, you’re going to have to let go of some of what you’re holding onto.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you feel and very wise to realize you need to think about how you deal with this situation. Sounds like overall you have a loving and helpful mother-in-law. I get where she feels comfortable coming in and helping as she sees fit.
That’s good and bad, I guess. It’s only a problem because you are not always wanting her help and she doesn’t seem to realize that. Sort of like it’s nice of her to offer help, but not to insist on it as in some ways I’d imagine that makes you feel like she feels you aren’t doing something she feels needs to be done.
You’re a young and new mother and it takes time to comfortably come into this role. I don’t know, but maybe. Anyway, you mention you know how she is, so you know her behavior is not specific to you. While it’s important you feel comfortable to draw boundaries in your home where you want them, it’s also important to work with how your mother-in-law is by nature if you can.
You’re wise in not wanting to hurt her feelings and right in wanting to run your home as you prefer. After all, it is YOUR domain and that needs to be respected. Enlisting some gentle help from your husband in his talking with his mom about this might be good.
As for the babysitting: I think when you leave your child with your mother-in-law and she chooses to include someone else, that needs to be okay unless there is some good reason to interfere. So long as you know your daughter is being well attended in your absence, the rest is not yours to control so don’t worry about it.
It will be okay. Get your husband to help set some boundaries, gently, with his mom. Then relax about it as in the long run you are fortunate to have good family support so long as your boundaries are known and respected.” Realistic_Head4279
9. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Son And His Wife Move Back In And Stop Financially Supporting Them?
“Son and partner lived with me for a year. They were supposed to pay rent but didn’t. She was only supposed to be there temporarily, and didn’t leave. They were also supposed to help with chores but didn’t.
She didn’t work. No car. Slept all day. I finally kicked them out. They trashed the place.
Jump ahead a few months, they are now expecting, married, renting a place, she landed a great job. A month after they got married, she walked out of her job right in the middle of her shift because the other girls were being mean to her.
WTF? Since she was expecting, took months to find a crappy part-time job. My son unexpectedly loses his job. Now she’s on maternity leave and he’s unemployed and they are both uninsured and constantly ask for money. She blames him for all the money problems.
I can’t afford to keep giving them money. He gets a job after about 6 weeks. I invite them to stay with me for a week. I’m near the hospital. They were over an hour away. Baby comes.
They ask if they can move back in.
Come again? I’m not really okay with this. The next day when my son got home from work, I talked to him about my concerns she’s got PPD. She’s still sleeping all day. He tries talking to her. She freaks out, a fight ensues. She leaves him, wants a divorce, and says he’s never going to see his daughter again.
Her family keeps offering money, but she refuses, demanding he ask me for money instead. Seriously? I’m starting to get increasingly more and more annoyed because I kept telling them how much of a financial strain they are putting on me, a single person on a fixed income.
After she walked out the door, took the baby, but left her stupid dog for me to take care of, I overheard my son talking to her on the phone referencing something about her being unfaithful a long time ago. It’s not my business, but I admittedly lost my cool.
I called her a few choice names in a private text to my son and I also said I don’t want her back in my house.
The next morning they are back together, and everything is fine. He tells her I called her names and then she goes through his deleted texts and reads them.
Next thing I know, I’m the bad guy. They are demanding an apology because I called her names in a private text. Telling me I’m in the wrong. I apologize. She decides she’s not going to accept my apology. I said accept it or not, I don’t care anymore.
I’m done. I’ve had enough of you two, your drama, and being your doormat.
She’s been very rude and disrespectful to me, mouthing off via texts. My son defends her, of course, not me. They are also now upset that they got a huge budgeting lecture and were told to stop coming to me for money to bail them out after not listening to me in the first place.
For example, don’t quit your job while expecting. Don’t spend $27 to have McDonalds delivered for one meal for one person after I cook you dinner and you didn’t want to eat what I made, then expect your MIL to buy your baby’s diapers. Apply for WIC, public assistance.
If you don’t do X, Y will happen. So I don’t want to hear that Y happened because you didn’t do X. They are sick of hearing what equates to I told you so. I also feel the underlying issue is my denial to let them move back in and my refusal to continue to pay their bills.
I had to put my foot down.
So after everything I have done for both of them, I refuse to apologize further.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but seriously, when you say you’re cutting them off, CUT THEM OFF. There are other forms of support for low-income families (food banks, diaper banks, section 8 housing, unemployment pay, etc.) and they can use them or try to fix their own problems. Not your responsibility!” justhangingout420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For as long as your son is with this woman, you’re never going to win. They are both targeting you, and I understand why you’ve allowed it because it’s your child and grandchild, but enough is enough now. Block your DIL permanently.
There’s nothing to be gained there. All communication goes through your son. Anytime he asks for money, he gets blocked for a week. Every time, no discussion, just do it. Your DIL is not welcome in your home, ever. That may mean that you don’t spend a lot of time with your grandchild, but frankly, it’s worth it.
They cannot move in, they receive NO money from you now or in the future, and any insults cut communication for a set period of time. Your DIL doesn’t want to waste her family’s assets while she can steal yours. But those resources are there.
They won’t starve without your money. If they start being neglectful of your grandchild, you can notify CPS (but bear in mind, that is a nuclear option that you can’t come back from), but they won’t get to that point. So wash your hands of it.
And hope that one day, your son is completely done with this awful woman and apologizes to you for all of the BS he’s put you through.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Block them both, Tell them to lose your number and address. You should never have apologized in the first place, not even to keep the peace.
Your son is probably the worst though. sharing the texts with the manipulator in his life. No matter what happens between them, neither should be back in your home, and if you get the opportunity, you should demand an apology from both, having got it, you should still refuse them any more financial support or lodging.” ilikerelish
8. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Vacation Without My Stepkids Due To Scheduling Conflicts?
“My (38F) husband Heath (42M) has a daughter (15F) and son (14M). The mother Ex (38F) is remarried and their divorce was completed well before Heath and I got together. Heath has always had issues trying to arrange anything with the kids even on his time.
He has the teens ~40% of the time and has always been a part of their life.
Ex has always controlled info, appointments, and teens’ schedules without informing Heath of them, despite his involvement. We’ve had to move plans to accommodate mixups. Ex sends texts about vacations months in advance and also has asked Heath to work with the children, which Heath has tried to do but teens are terrible at communicating plans and he has run into issues.
Neither teen will have all the info and they’re usually wrong, dates/locations are off. Heath has to go back to Ex anyway and it is emotionally exhausting for him. I made a shared calendar for us and the teens.
Example: Heath and Ex had a conflict where they both informed the other during winter about summer vacation, and they were both off.
Heath worked around Ex’s plans, but she made it such that Heath had to beg for more than a week per the parenting plan even though he had it in the shared calendar and the kids knew. Ex has the kids for over a week on her vacation but she said she didn’t need to remind Heath about any of the info.
Heath asked if she could use the calendar to reference it with the kids to prevent frustration, and her response was she shouldn’t have to remind him, and she wouldn’t go back to the past cause she tried it once, she doesn’t want to use the calendar, the kids don’t want to use the calendar, and if Heath can’t be bothered to write stuff down it’s on him.
The trip: Ex made it difficult for Heath to trade weekends to take the kids somewhere they wanted to go. He had to justify when he wanted to take the trip, etc, and so Heath told her we wouldn’t do it. We hadn’t booked it but had been pulling together travel plans and research, taking time off, so it’s not a financial hit but a disappointment.
There are many examples of this behavior from Ex and Heath is at his breaking point. The feeling here for him is if he can’t work together to mitigate the conflict, why do something that is stressful to plan if no one is willing to work to keep schedules straight?
I support Heath’s decision to cancel. Their mother is speaking for them and saying they don’t want to use a calendar so this outcome is a part of her decision. It feels like a simple ask to improve communication and saying they won’t do it is encouraging “dad doesn’t matter” and not preparing them for adulthood.
WIBTJ if we did this trip anyway WITHOUT the kids and didn’t tell them? Both myself and Heath would enjoy it, and while it would have been nice to include them, it’s not working out. Obviously we wouldn’t go out of our way to say “Hey look, we went anyway” but WIBTJ if we went at ALL?”
Another User Comments:
“This is so chaotic I can’t follow it. But if you get the kids a week at a time and can do the vacation in a week…you can do the vacation with them…or just shorten it. They WILL find out you went on this vacation without them.
They WILL resent you. YTJ.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“Slight YWBTA. It’s not the kids’ fault that the ex is being difficult, but doing this would come across more than a little like punishing them for her behavior. I would suggest having a candid conversation with the kids about your need for clarity about scheduling and coordination, and encourage them to interface with him directly so that the trip can take place.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Something to consider is that these kids didn’t ask for two homes, two households, two sets of parents, and schedules. They are supposed to be young and having fun but they are pawns being pulled back in forth because of adult decisions.
I know there are worse situations and younger kids who have been able to navigate things and so on. But a little bit of compassion wouldn’t go amiss here. Just put the plans out there one last time with direct communication and say “We are going here on this date.
Please let us know by this date if you are able to come along. Thanks.”” SlinkyMalinky20
7. AITJ For Not Spending My Vacation Helping My Friend With Her Legal Issues?
“This week I submitted my summer vacation plan to my boss at work (as requested by him) and he approved roughly 7 days out of the 14 that I asked because we’re currently understaffed. I then proceeded to plan said vacation around some friends that live 275 km (171 miles) from where I live.
Enter this close friend of mine to the fray. She lives 635 km (395 miles) from where I live.
She asked me to go to her house in my vacation time, as usual. But this year I decided not going, because she’s having legal troubles (nothing criminal, just inheritance stuff because she lost her father in January) and she’s breaking up with her partner, and I simply didn’t want to end up being the unpaid couple therapist or spend my limited vacation time in a solicitor office (been there, done that, both for her in a summer vacation roughly 5 years ago).
So I told her I already paid for the airplane tickets to go somewhere else this summer (not necessarily true, yet) and that I couldn’t go to her for that reason. She replied to me “just change the tickets, I need you to help me with the legal stuff because I don’t understand it at all.
You are good with stuff like this, and I don’t need the extra expenses for legal advice from official channels”.
I said to her that I couldn’t change anything, that it was a package deal, and she still told me “Okay, but I need you, I’m sorry that you wasted your money like that and if you come to me I will repay your lost package deal”.
I then finally told her the truth: that I didn’t want to spend my limited vacation time working, not even for her, and that after this tough work semester (understaffing is becoming a real issue, but the pay is good) I deserved some time off.
At first, she just replied “Oh, okay then…” but since then she’s tried at least 4 times to guilt-trip me (from my perspective it’s what she’s doing, I might be wrong) into changing my plans, saying basically that I’m a bad friend, that I’m not doing enough for our friendship and that she, in my place, would drop everything and come to me (a thing that I’ve done too, immediately after her father died, to be close and of any support to her).
I love her to bits, and I’m sorry she’s still having legal troubles with her father’s inheritance after all this time, but I really need this vacation to be as relaxing as possible as I know the hardships that will come in September at my workplace.
I’m sincerely at a loss and don’t know what to do, but as of now, I plan to stand my ground. But the doubt has already made its way in: am I being too selfish? If I could have had my full 14 days (like I had all previous years) I could have gone 1 week to her and 1 week to my other friends (a thing I’ve done before) but since I only have 7 days I just want to relax before being trapped in an office 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, until December.
Am I being unreasonable (and the jerk)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s out of line for trying to emotionally manipulate you. You owed her nothing beyond a no because that is a complete answer. You need to do what’s best for you and you’ve shown you regularly show up for her.
That doesn’t mean you have to drop everything anytime she demands it. Go, enjoy your vacation, and center yourself.” Fairmount1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should spend her time and money finding a local attorney who can help with the estate. I can think of many things that would be preferable to dealing with another person’s legal estate things, like cleaning the cat’s litter box and getting a root canal for example.” WatermelonRindPickle
Another User Comments:
“Woah. I’ll say everyone’s the jerk. She lost a parent – that’s a big deal. Emotional support is needed from friends. But gaslighting you is terrible too. You not wanting to spend time being a counselor and free attorney is arguably not your fault, but friends are about giving and taking, and it doesn’t sound like you are really good friends from my judgemental perspective .” Crazy_Past6259
6. AITJ For Considering Keeping My Son Away From My Manipulative Mother?
“I(29F) and my husband (32M) have a 3-year-old son together. We’ll call my husband Henry and mom Mary. In March 2022 I had a really bad landlord and a falling apart house so Mary offered to take me, my husband, and our son in until we could find another place to live.
We paid our portion of the bills contributed to food and household supplies and did the majority of the cleaning. It took way too long for us to find our own place in the area that would let us move with my dog but we did eventually find a place and moved in 3 days ago.
The last day at my mom’s, I asked my brother to keep the ashes of our cat safe for me until I was settled in and he agreed(this is important later).
The backstory; My grandpa offered a sofa to me and I agreed to take it as Henry and I don’t have much furniture.
Mary tried to persuade me to give her the sofa and I took her old one. I didn’t want to, but she has a way of insisting and going on about things until I agree with her. So I agreed but the day of the move, told her I changed my mind which is what initially sent her into a rage.
I know that is a poor way to go about things and I fully accept being called the jerk for that, and I wish I could really express how bad it would have been if I initially told her no. Mary is a chain smoker and has had her couch for years, it’s falling apart and reeks.
I just did not want it.
Before Henry and I moved, we paid Mary our portion of the internet for this month and it was fine until the day we moved. Mary changed the password and refused us access to it so I asked for my money back and Mary claimed I never paid it for this month.
The day after, she put a bunch of garbage onto my front porch and under my back porch. Henry cleaned it all up and I thought that was that. Today I discovered Mary plucked out the sunflowers I had planted in my flower pots, she put more trash under my back porch and is now keeping some things that were packed but Henry and I forgot to grab them.
In the box are Nintendo Switch Lite, PS Vita, and a few games. Mary also stole the ashes of the cat I mentioned earlier.
I think I WIBTJ if I kept my son away from Mary because they have a close relationship and my son has nothing to do with this I’m only afraid of what she will do to him to get back at me.
So far my son has not asked about or for Mary since we moved and I have not talked about her in front of him.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. She’s not a healthy person to be around. Break the cycle and don’t subject your son to her manipulations.
The fact that you didn’t feel comfortable enough telling her “no” regarding a sofa (and her crazy response afterward) is enough reason. You deserved better growing up but didn’t have a say. Your son deserves better growing up and now you do have a say.” Melodic_Meat1729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your job as a parent is to keep your child in a safe and supportive environment. Your mom sounds like a loose cannon. Even if your son had a good relationship with your mom it sounds like she is not of sound mind now.
Your son will be ok without grandma and you can explain what is happening in a child-appropriate way. I say this as someone who had no contact with my dad after recently learning he is a heavy user and has used it around my kids.
My dad hasn’t seen my son (3.5 yrs) in 2 months and will never see him again. It’s sad because my son really idolized Grandpa. I told my son Grandpa moved away. At first, he asked about him a lot but it got better. The safety of your kids will come first always.
Living next door to your mom will complicate things so look for another apartment and move far away as fast as possible.” JewelerAggravating96
5. AITJ For Not Getting My Brother's Approval On My Daughters' Dresses For His Wedding?
“My brother is getting married next year.
He has 2 kids, son 6 and daughter 2. I have 2 daughters, 1 and 3. I’m not close to my brother. My parents have helped with the wedding financially but have been excluded in every other way. I was discussing the wedding with my mum. We had already been told that the bridesmaids were wearing sage green.
My mum told me that future SIL had shown her a photo of a dress that they *might* be buying for their daughter. It was described to me as floral, with a dark green pattern and long sleeves.
My mum showed me the dress that she had bought for herself- it’s bright green and pink.
It does not look like a bridesmaid dress. My mum offered to buy my daughters their wedding dresses. For my youngest daughter, we picked a yellow dress with white daisies. For my elder daughter, I picked a pale green dress with no sleeves (no floral pattern).
My mum paid but we chose them together. The next day, I saw my brother and SIL. I asked them multiple times how wedding planning was going, if had they got suits and dresses sorted etc etc. They said they hadn’t chosen anything, the bridesmaids were sage green, and they had maybe found a dress for their daughter but they weren’t sure.
They asked to see the dresses, including my mum’s. We showed them and they didn’t really make any comment, good or bad. The following day my brother rang and said the green dress for my daughter was identical to the dress that they were getting their daughter.
The first thing I said was, I’m so sorry I had no idea, I didn’t even realize you had chosen a dress. My brother said my mum had done it on purpose, and that her dress was the same as the bridesmaid’s dresses.
At this point, I was honestly just confused. He started really criticizing my mum for “always making it about her” so I started to defend her. I was simply saying that it was clearly all a mistake, I hadn’t been told that certain colors were off-limit and that I didn’t think that Mum’s dress was like the bridesmaid dresses.
He then went off at me for my other daughter’s dress which is bright yellow. I kept saying we would return the dresses, it’s not a problem, but you need to explain the rules. But he did not want to agree it was a mistake.
He said it was deliberate. He lost his temper and swore at me. Said I was selfish and arrogant.
Apparently all my SILs family would have gotten approval of their outfits before buying anything. I didn’t even realize this was a thing. The dresses were returned. I was literally with my parents when my brother rang and I explained to them what he had said.
After all, my mum had paid for the dresses I had just promised to return. My mum is so upset and my brother is now blaming me. He called me a narcissistic manipulative little jerk.
AITJ for not sending photos to my brother before choosing dresses for my kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Although I am suspicious of your mum here. You are not the problem, but it really sounds like you got dragged into something that is an issue between your brother and your mother without realizing it and some of your brother’s resentment spilled over onto you.
He is also being a jerk, but like I said, I think there is a basis for it between him and your mother.” Rich-398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your children are not at the wedding party then their dresses do not need approval. Does your brother expect everyone attending the wedding to submit their clothing for his and his soon-to-be wife’s approval?
It seems that your brother is the one being narcissistic. My personal opinion is to just skip the wedding.” jasoncombs28625
4. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbors To Pay For My Dog's Medical Bills After Their Pitbulls Attacked It?
“I’m going to try to present all sides of the story as best I can, just because I’m not seeking reassurance, like a lot of people do in this sub. I genuinely want to know if this is the right move in this situation or not.
Anyways, the story.
For having a pretty average salary at best, our neighbors have the biggest house on the street, four kids, a boat, four-wheelers and dirt-bikes for each kid, two cars, and four dogs, including a German Shepherd, a Pug, and two Pitbulls. They also historically don’t keep very good track of their kids/animals (Their youngest kid walked out of the house once, and was lost for a couple hours.
Also, a couple months back, one of their pitbulls attacked the other to the point where it needed a front leg amputated and around 10k in surgery money. They had to get rid of both pitbulls, and 3 months later they bought two new pitbulls). But other than them being a little trashy, they’re generally good people, and don’t cause trouble for the most part
I’m 15M, and live at home with my mom, and my dog; a Yorkie-Chihuahua mix. Anyways, my mom let our dog outside in our front yard (I wasn’t present when it all went down), and one of the neighbors’ kids accidentally let their pitbulls out into their front yard at the same time our dog was outside.
The rest was ugly. The neighbors’ kids were helping pull their pitbulls off our dog, my mom’s doing the same. Eventually, the kids pull the dogs off, and we rush our dog to the emergency vet.
It was just an unfortunate situation in general. Our dog ended up with anywhere between 25-40 staples/stitches in total, and honestly, she’s lucky to be alive.
After talking with our neighbors, they seemed very apologetic about this whole thing, and felt terrible that they couldn’t keep better track of their dogs. However, someone has to pay for the medical bills to all of this, and we don’t think it should be us.
We called up animal control the next day to file a report and to see what the next course of action would be. However, we learned that there wouldn’t be one. Essentially, their logic was that since they were already doing what they were supposed to be doing (they hired a trainer, and just built a new fence for their dogs), there was no point of registering them as potentially dangerous.
We were shocked to hear this news, and from here on out, this is what we’ve decided to do, and what I need help on.
To pay for it all (including medical bills for my dog, and my mom), it cost around 5k. The neighbors said that they would have a check for us by the end of the week.
We’ve decided that if they pay, then that’ll be the end of this situation, and we’ll move on from this whole thing. But if they don’t pay, which they likely won’t/can’t, we’ll press charges, and most likely see them in court.
It’s just a terrible situation all around, but someone has to pay, and we think this is the best way to go about this situation.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If the attack happened on your property, then the neighbors pay. Pretty simple. Give them a week or so to come up with the cash before taking other steps. Maybe a better way would be in Small Claims Court if they refuse or cannot pay.
Pressing charges might get the pit bulls taken away/euthanized but might not pay for the vet bill. But hopefully it won’t come to that. The neighbors seem OK so no need to sour your relations too quickly.” Samwry
Another User Comments:
“More info: you take a bit of time describing how wealthy your neighbors are (all the things they have), but you fail to describe more important things like if either of your front yards are fenced in, you also do not identify where your dog was attacked (your yard, their yard, the street, etc).
Their kid may have let their dog out accidentally, but your mother, an adult, intentionally let your dog, a small breed, out into your front yard. Frankly, unless you clarify with more info ESH. You all had a responsibility to take better care, and your mother should have been more careful with such a small dog.
Frankly, I think they should only be on the hook for 50% with the info you have provided.” similar_name4489
3. AITJ For Telling My Half-Brother I Hate Him After He Insulted My Appearance?
“My fiancée [27F] and I [36M] visited my mom and stepdad recently while my stepbrother [38M] and my half-brother [31M] were also visiting.
Yesterday, while we were there, my fiancée and I had a discussion (certainly not an argument, but definitely a disagreement) about our wedding date. We had agreed that we would wed once she finished her studies (she’s in a combined DVM/PhD program), which will be in roughly 3 years.
I have a lot of anxiety surrounding death and illness and injury and things of that nature, and with my grandma’s recent passing, I’ve been feeling very anxious about waiting so long to actually get married, as I can’t help but worry about what would happen to her if I died or were seriously hurt before our wedding.
As such, I brought up that I would like to get married earlier than we initially planned. This was not something she wanted, so we had a long discussion about it.
I don’t think it’s necessary to get into the specifics, but it was not a fight by any means – there was no shouting, passive aggression, name-calling, “you do/say/want X all the time” type statements, etc. at all.
We absolutely disagreed and absolutely had a long talk about it, but it was a productive, respectful conversation and we were not fighting. I say this because shortly after we finished our discussion, my fiancée gave me a kiss goodnight and went to bed, while I was still wide awake and hungry, I went to grab a snack, where I ran into my half-brother, who had apparently heard part of the discussion.
My half-brother has always been an entitled little jerk, in my opinion, but suffice it to say we don’t get along well. His first comment to me, when I went to the kitchen, was essentially a rather cliché “trouble in paradise?” quip meant to goad me into sniping at him.
I did not take the bait immediately, but he then said that I shouldn’t fight with my fiancée (which I wasn’t doing in the first place) because “almost no woman would ever settle for someone as ugly as you.”
Now, I have very extensive scarring over a fair bit of my face, neck, chest, and left arm.
I have been incredibly sensitive about this ever since I was hurt (i.e. since I was 13) and have been sensitive to other physical deficiencies and defects that I have for longer. He knows this, and he knows that saying things like that hurt me horribly.
Even after being with her for 7 years, I still don’t fully believe my fiancée when she tells me she thinks I’m handsome and attractive (yes, I’m addressing this in therapy), so this subject is one that makes me very upset.
So, I started to cry, then told him I hated him and wished he’d never been born.
He got very angry with me for saying that and claimed that was worse than what he said, then our fight devolved from there. My fiancée takes my side, my stepbrother seems keen not to voice his opinion on the matter (fair enough), and my mom, stepdad, and half-brother (obviously) all think I’m a raging jerk for saying that to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It wasn’t the most mature response you could have made, however in my opinion, what he said was not only immature but also cruel. If your mother and stepfather can’t see that, then maybe it’s time to take a step back and reduce your contact with the 3 of them.
Edit to add: NTJ” Fantastic_Quarter_79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He actively targeted you in a vulnerable time (even if it wasn’t a fight a discussion wears you down) and then went right for your vulnerability. Which he knew. Your half-bro is a genuine jerk, and I presume this is consistent behavior so while what you said wasn’t nice, I can’t really blame you for that.” Diligent_Pride_7314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for what you said to him. However, you will be a jerk to yourself if you don’t go to therapy to address your anxiety. It’s starting to affect the relationships you care about. Getting married earlier isn’t gonna solve this.
You need to be prepared to have your SO talk about her job which will include talking of injuries and death (of animals) but still. You need to go to therapy for both you and her- it needs to be your job to calm your anxiety not her” Shiel009
2. AITJ For Threatening To Stop Coming Home For My Birthday Due To My Mom's Party Planning?
“I, a female in my 30s, have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. We are complete opposites – she’s a very emotional, extroverted people pleaser; I’m level-headed, introverted, and struggle with social anxiety.
At 18 years old, I moved abroad and have been living there ever since (a joint decision with my parents).
Since the move, I’ve been visiting my family at least twice a year, once in the summer and once for Xmas. Having spent most of my adulthood overseas, I’ve grown apart from most of our extended family and friends and prefer to spend time with a close circle of relatives and friends when I go back.
Recently, due to various external circumstances, it became harder to visit my hometown (twice as expensive and three times as long), but I made an effort to fly back. Specifically, I would come home for my birthday, which was a good way to gather my close ones in one place.
It’s also worth noting that I have limited vacation days and choose to come home versus taking time for myself or going away with friends.
My mom, for the past few years, took on a habit of taking over the planning of my birthday celebration.
We’ve butted heads over her choices of venue and people to invite. My idea of a perfect birthday celebration was to have only a limited number of people that I truly cared about, in an intimate setting, chatting, having a few drinks, and/or playing board/card games.
My mom, on the other hand, wanted my party to be “chic and cool”, picking fancy venues and inviting people I either don’t know or haven’t spoken to in a decade.
My father would often exit the entire discussion, leaving the choices up to me.
Occasionally he would take my mom’s side just to placate her, as she has a tendency to get emotional and extremely upset if I disagreed with her vision.
While mostly unbothered with the location choices, I’ve tried again and again to explain to my mom that I wasn’t comfortable having people I don’t know at my bday party.
Especially given the number of invitees rarely exceeds 10 and the fact that she’d invite them without asking me.
For one of my big birthdays, she invited my cousin (without asking again), who I hadn’t spoken to since I was very young and with whom I had a tumultuous relationship.
I was not thrilled, but let it go. I’ve told her many times that her inviting people to my birthday without me knowing or agreeing to it was not ok, including the underlying reasons, quoting my social anxiety and the fact that I only ever wanted to spend little time I had with people I truly love.
Yet, to no avail. This repeated over the years, with my birthday slowly becoming more about what she wanted and less about what would make me happy. This year, the same happened again. This time I got really upset and told her that if she did it again, I would no longer come back home for my birthday.
She got upset and called me selfish for not “considering” her point of view.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She won’t change how she behaves until she sees the consequences- and maybe not even then. I would start visiting at a different time of year and let her throw one event per visit to see if you can tolerate one of her large chic parties – it may rub you less when it’s not your actual birthday.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“This may be the easiest poll I’ve ever responded to, how could you be anything but NTJ? It’s your birthday, and you should be able to have it the way you want. I think you are entitled to refuse to go home if she does it again and I wish you had done this earlier instead of letting it go on for years and years But I’ll tell you that, based on that track record, what are the odds your mom will actually respect your wishes now?
Why even give it one more try? Just skip going home on your birthday, you can go at a different time. Spend your birthday with your friends and a holiday (summer or Xmas) with your family.” setomonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think it’s good to only think about “What do I want to do on my birthday?” and if “go home to visit my mom because that is likely to bring me joy” isn’t on the list, then it’s not even up as an option.
Can always just pour on all the joy and sugar you can manage and ignore anything she says that is negative or blaming, that can be fun. Mom: you’ll be here for your birthday? Me: No I’m doing a small group board game night with friends at this awesome pub.
Mom: BUT I’M MAKING PLANS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, HOW CAN YOU NOT COME? Me: Please call me in the morning, I’d love to have birthday wishes! But I can’t come because I’m already planning perfect thing for my birthday that I want to do. LOVE YOU MOM.
The good thing about being an adult is we get to choose how we want to spend our time off and not waste time arguing with people trying to steal that from us. It’s OK to set boundaries and start sticking to them now, hopefully it leads to her learning she has to respect them (and if not at least you tried.)” WALampLighter
1. AITJ For Feeling Excluded From My Dad's New Blended Family?
“I am an only child (35), my Dad & Mum separated when I was 18. My Dad & I were close as I went through adulthood. We lived 3 hours away in different towns but would often catch up & hang out when we could go out for father-daughter dinners etc. or I would stay at the house with him visiting on weekends.
I was a bit of a wayward young adult & got into the wrong crowd. Eventually finding my way back out to become happy, healthy & stable again.
Around 8 years ago my Dad met a new partner, with 2 adult children of her own, one the same age as me.
I encouraged the relationship as my Dad had been alone for so long, I just wanted him to be happy with a companion to share his future. After they became steady, I asked to meet her family as well as it was important to me.
Call me stupid, call me traditional, but I just felt like I wanted a chance for us to be a big blended family. Being an only child I thought it was finally an opportunity to have siblings of sorts – plus they also have small children, I am childfree, and I thought maybe I could also be an extended auntie as well.
I was excited at the prospect. But I feel like Dad has excluded me from meeting them at every turn. There were always excuses, and reasons why it couldn’t work to all meet up. It was all too hard. I’ve told him how much it meant to me, but I just never got the call.
They spend Christmas, birthdays, grandkid’s birthdays, and outings of various sorts, all with each other. They all go down to my Dad’s house to stay. But never including me or my partner.
Dad proposed around 3 years ago, with me still not having met her family.
She refuses to come to my house or any of my family events, the only time I ever see them is if I go there or we meet at my Grandmother’s house. I have cried to him saying I assumed I wasn’t important in his life anymore.
Like I was some sort of embarrassment or black sheep because of my wayward past. Dad promised it was not the case & we would all meet properly before the wedding, he would make more of an effort to get us all together. Then I got the call up around 18 months ago to say they had eloped & were now married – but they would have a celebration in the summer.
Still nothing to this day of the sort & no meeting of any kind. It’s been over 8 years now & I just can’t help but feel I’ve been replaced by a new family.
I stayed with Dad recently & broke down telling him I truly don’t see that I am a part of his life, present or future.
His new wife was in earshot of this breakdown & consequently, it caused an argument/tension between us all. I left his house early without saying a proper goodbye as I didn’t want to break down again & I think both of them would use this all as an excuse to exclude me further.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you are right–they will use your pain as an excuse. Your father made choices to “replace” you (Tho I’m sure it’s with the wife’s provocation as he had a decent relationship with you previously) I am curious if you did all the work to arrange things then and it just never occurred to you to do otherwise.
At this point, for your mental/emotional health, I hope you take a step back. Prioritize yourself and your life. Create your own family(Friends) and work on those family members who still treat you well(grandmother????) Don’t allow people to devalue you.” MountainMidnight9400
