People Feel Uncertain About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Not Offering My Troubled Mother A Place To Stay, Potentially Leaving Her Homeless?
“I (30F) have a complicated relationship with my mother, who suffers from bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety due to trauma she experienced when she was younger.
Growing up, her mood swings made it difficult for her to hold jobs, so my stepdad was the main provider, and we often struggled financially.
At 18, I moved out, worked multiple jobs, and went to college, eventually building a stable life. My mom and stepdad divorced, which was a relief as their relationship had become abusive.
Shortly after, she moved to Florida with her long-time best friend /now new partner. Periodically while down there I would help her with some money here and there but nothing big.
In early 2020, I met my amazing fiancé. That same month, my mom moved from Florida to Arkansas due to the high cost of living.
She needed money for the move, so I lent her $4,000 from my savings. Over the next two years, her relationship with her partner became more volatile. In 2022, my fiancé and I decided to move in together. On a moving day, my little brother called for help because he had become homeless due to some poor decisions.
We decided to let him move in to give him time to save and get on his feet, but after a year, I discovered he was using substances, and I had to kick him out.
After he got out of rehab, my mom wanted to come back to help my brother, claiming it was a good time since she was being kicked out of her friend’s house, but she didn’t have the funds.
I offered to pay for her relocation if she left her abusive partner, she agreed, and I sent her $3,000. Once back, she moved in with my brother, but she brought her partner with her. Things quickly deteriorated again as they all started using substances, leading to my brother losing the apartment I had helped him get.
My mother and her partner went to live in a friend’s trailer and my brother went back to rehab.
Months later, my mom called me bawling saying she was being kicked out again, and I offered to cosign on an apartment if she left him as a last lifeline to get on her feet without him.
Initially, things seemed hopeful, but then I received a call from the police about a physical fight that broke out between her and her partner who lived there. Over the next year, things escalated, and she lost her job. I had to pay for rent multiple months and bills as she did not have the money to do so, adding up to $4,000+ of additional expenses.
When ‘our’ lease was up in May, I removed myself from it, stating it was her responsibility. Since then, she hasn’t paid rent and is going to be kicked out this week.
She hasn’t asked to live with me, and I haven’t offered because honestly, I’m burnt out from helping.
My fiancé supports my decision not to help further, knowing it would strain our relationship and impact my mental health. Yet, I feel like a bad daughter for not helping. Despite her mistakes, I believe she’s a good person at heart.
So, AITJ for not offering my mom a place to stay, thereby allowing her to become homeless?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have done far more than anyone should feel obligated to do. The number of times you have bailed your family out already is a credit to you, and you have more than fulfilled your “family” obligations. If your family members respected themselves or you, then they would have sorted their lives out.
The fact that they kept doing the same things means they don’t want to change. Live your life, enjoy what you have worked hard for, and if you feel obligated to do anything more for them, then maybe consider part-funding a rehabilitation program for them.
Great fiancé you have who has supported you in all your decisions and very best of luck if you decide to get married.” Nondexterous
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not capable of giving your mother the help she needs. I know that is painful to hear.
But there is no amount of money, no amount of emotional support, no amount of *anything* you can do that is going to make any lasting change in her life outcome. Until she is ready to get help (real help, not the endless cycle of getting money from you to continue her same behaviors), there is nothing more you can do.
And she may never be ready Forgive yourself for not being able to help her. Just because it’s a crappy situation, that doesn’t mean *you* have done anything wrong. And just because you have your life together, it doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty.
If she ever gets better, I’m sure she will be happy that you were able to build a life for yourself I’m sorry you are going through this.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position time and time again, but I think it’s time to step away and stop helping.
You’re out thousands of dollars, and everyone ends up right back at the same place again. You have a fiancé and a future to plan, you are not obligated to keep enabling them. Hopefully, someday they will get help and get better, but you don’t have to keep helping until that day comes.” Jerseygirl2468
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work With My Friend On A Group Project?
“For a class assignment, we had to create a storyboard based on a script. It was a team assignment and at first, I was happy because I was grouped with my friend. I’m super introverted so I was glad to have someone I’m close to in the class.
Now keep in mind that it was the second lesson for that semester so me and my group mates still had that stranger danger kind of vibe but we still managed to get along well. However, when the project started, she was on her phone from the time the class started and throughout the entire thing.
So at first, I dismissed it thinking maybe she was just since it was an 8 am class I suggested that she wanted me and one other guy (let’s call him M) to go around and take pictures for the story + freshen up a little by going out of the classroom.
But as we were walking around, only M actively contributed and gave ideas for the story while she just stood and listened with a disinterested face or just texted on her phone repeatedly.
Even during lunch, I had to repeat my words twice just to catch her attention and she still didn’t hear what I had to say which made me feel kind of invalidated (we’re in the trio friendship kind of situation but I didn’t think about that much because I already expected it and they get along better together than I do with them).
And it went on like this for the entire day even until the end of class, but my group decided to stay back to finish the work so we don’t have to stress about it the next day.
Just then we were briefed on our end-year assignment where we could pair up with friends to work on it together.
But I was hesitant to work with her even though she’s my friend because in my mind I was scared, like- what if she acts like that while we are doing the project?? I don’t want to carry the group work and do everything myself and I don’t want my GPA to be pulled down and I don’t want hers to drop either even though she claims to not care about her GPA.
Because if she fails this module she would have to pay to remove and she’s already having financial struggles, especially with school fees and stuff.
And I was also kind of irritated so I admit the way I spoke to her may have been a bit harsher than I had meant for it to sound but still, AITJ?
Or am I just being too much and I shouldn’t be so up in her space and keep my distance instead? I don’t want to seem overbearing I just don’t know how else to express myself and show that I care but she always seems to think the worst of me and honestly I’m kind of done with that but I feel like this incident just solidified that further and I should just leave.”
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ (probably) for how you chose to talk to her. Scolding? That’s not cool. Have a real talk discussion about your fears that her lack of participation will torpedo your grade. That’s what you should have done. Something like, “Hey, I’m concerned that if I work with you on this, it’ll be a lot like today.
Can I get your assurance that you’re all in on this? Because I don’t want to have to stress about getting a good grade here.” turnaround
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – maybe you did speak a little harshly; it’s hard to say. The fact that she’s upset doesn’t mean that you spoke too harshly or not.
Some people get upset very easily, others not so much – it reflects on them almost as much as on you. Why should you continue to show that you care when she reacts badly to what you’re saying? Sure, she’s going to have trouble passing the course, but you can’t make her do the work – or let her drag you down with her.
You would be a fool if you signed up for any more group projects with her, whether it upsets her or not. Find someone who will help with the work – maybe M, since he contributed to the current project.” SavingsRhubarb8746
17. AITJ For Not Supporting My Bullying Stepsister When She Got Bullied?
“When I (16f) was 6 (almost 7) and my stepsister (16f) was 7 we each lost a parent in an accident that happened locally. This made my dad and her mom close and they ended up getting married two years after the accident. My stepsister hated her mom marrying my dad.
She didn’t want her mom to move on so fast and she didn’t want to be my family. We didn’t know each other before even though we were in the same school but she resented the idea that from that accident she needed to get a step anything let alone a stepdad and a stepsister.
She bullied me which was something her mom and my dad did address. But then she got sneaky about it and told me she’d make my life worse if her mom found out it was still happening and I believed her. It started with her calling me names (when the adults knew) and telling kids at school I wet the bed because my mommy died in a taunting way.
When it got more secretive she’d wish me dead and she’d tell me that she hoped the rest of my family would die and I’d end up all alone. She also told me my dad loved her mom more than mine but that her mom would always love her dad more.
She warned me she’d show embarrassing photos of me too if I didn’t do what she said.
It got so bad that my dad kept trying to make me tell him and two years after I had stopped letting him know what was happening, I spilled my guts about it.
Dad was so upset/angry and my stepsister was punished harshly for it as well as getting a new therapist, she already had one but a new one was found. We also did some “family” therapy together. But I never really saw her as family and honestly, I say stepsister to stop any complaints about me saying dad’s wife’s daughter after all this time because I know people expect some kind of family unity.
Things have now turned for her and she’s been bullied badly at school. I know and I don’t care at all. I don’t feel bad for her. To me, it’s a crappy person being treated the same way she treated me. I know she was young and it’s stopped (because she doesn’t want to be punished, not because she likes me or regrets it) but I just don’t care.
I hate that we’re still related through marriage. Some photos of my stepsister were sent around the school which caused a really big bullying incident last week and she locked herself in the girl’s bathroom. My stepmom made plans to talk with the principal and she and Dad wanted me there as support for my stepsister but I didn’t go and they didn’t like that I didn’t go.
All weekend we had these talks about how it would have been good to support my stepsister and how I know bullying and could be more empathetic. I told my dad I couldn’t find it for her. I just do not like her or think she can ever be someone I would help or support.
They’re pretty upset with me and the only reason they didn’t punish me is because of what happened before.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You made the right choice. Supporting your step-sibling after all she has put you through in my mind is a bridge too far, sad, but that’s how I feel about it.
Your step-sister needs long-term serious therapy and until she has reached a place where an honest and open relationship can exist for her, I feel you being a part of the process is just too early for the whole process at this time. What is needed is space from each other and for her to heal in her grief for her Dad properly and healthily.
Tell your Dad when your step-sister is in a better place maybe there can be a reconciliation, but not now. Forcing some type of a family bond that doesn’t exist will not help the step-sister and may it worse.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your father that you are disgusted by how he let you be mentally and emotionally tortured for two years right under his nose and did nothing and is now bullying you into being an emotional support animal for your mistreater.
He should be ashamed of himself for being such a bad parent. There is NO way a good parent wouldn’t know what was going on for two years, especially when you were both young. And there is NO way a good parent would treat you this badly about refusing to enable the girl who brought all of this on herself.
Shame on him, and his wife, for the mess that they created and are now trying to offload onto you.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and to be honest, I’m mostly mad at your father. He should have been protecting you and instead, he moved you into a house with your tormentor.
And now he’s expecting you to aid her? No way. Tell Dad that you are disappointed in him. You hold no expectations for the other girl because she has shown a youthful banality of bad character so you won’t speak out against her but neither will you defend her.
But Dad needs to realize that he set up a really bad family life for you after your mother died (I’m so sorry), and this is what your life yields.” memes
16. AITJ For Not Supporting My Brother's Quick Engagement And Elopement Without Family?
“I (28 F) just found out that my little brother (26 M) just got engaged. Our older brother (31 M) had to be the one to tell me.
My little brother just recently ended an almost three-year committed relationship with his ex, and I didn’t even know he was seeing anyone new. I honestly think most of the extended family thinks he and his ex are still together. My little brother and I live in different states now but have always been close.
A few weeks ago, when our older brother went home after visiting me (they live together), my little brother told him he was going to propose and swore him to secrecy until he proposed. This morning, I received back-to-back calls from my older brother, which is abnormal. When I called him back, I found out my little brother was engaged.
My little brother told him, our mom, and our dad, but he didn’t tell me. When I got ahold of my little brother, he verified he was engaged. I asked about his new fiance, her name, what she did, how they met, how long they’d been seeing each other, etc., to get more information.
He told me they had been seeing each other for a few months (2-3 months) and didn’t want to go public because he didn’t want any “judgment.” I am concerned that he is getting married so quickly after just ending a very serious relationship. The only person in our family who has met her is my older brother, and he told me it’s only been for a few seconds here and there.
I don’t think they’ve even had a real conversation.
I asked when or if they had an idea of when they wanted to get married, and that’s when he told me he wanted to do it in December of this year in Vegas, and it would be more of an elopement.
Meaning the family wasn’t invited. I asked if he was making an exception for our mother, who has supported him (financially and emotionally) his whole life, and he just told me she gave him her “two cents” on the matter. I told him he needed to at least invite our mom but he didn’t say anything.
After talking to my mom, I found out she had begged him to be there for the courtroom ceremony and would leave immediately after. I guess she still didn’t get a definitive answer.
I won’t lie; I am hurt he doesn’t want me or our family to attend or celebrate with him, but what kills me is that he won’t even include our mom.
I can’t support him, his engagement, or upcoming nuptials when he couldn’t even tell me himself and his choice of wanting to exclude his family, especially our mom, who has done EVERYTHING for us. I am terrified to confront him because I don’t want to push him away, and I feel like if I show that I disagree, he will move the date up or cut me off.
I don’t want to lose my relationship with my baby brother, but if he goes through with his plan of not inviting our mom to his wedding, I know I will lose all my respect for him, and I am scared this will break our family.
AITJ for not supporting my baby brother getting married?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get why you’re upset, but here’s the choice you get to make the choices that involve you. That’s it and if your brother calls you and asks you for advice, you can bow out or never talk to him again or whatever but everybody has to live their own lives and make their own decisions.
You can be upset on your mom‘s behalf and that is perfectly fine But again if your mom is hurt, it’s on her to decide how she wants her relationship with her son going forward. I wish I could sit down and explain, but you have to choose how you want to move forward.
Your brother gets to make his own decisions. If your mom is still supporting him living in a house that he pays no rent, it’s on Mom can cut him loose or to continue supporting home BUT NOT YOU. Those are not decisions for you and I know that you’re angry and I know that you’re hurt but now you have to decide how you wanna move forward how you wanna live your life and what you choose to do next.
But your brother gets to live his life however he sees fit.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not supporting him getting married to someone he barely knows and not inviting your mom. The reason he didn’t tell you himself is because he knows he’s making a bad decision.
As much as it sucks the best thing you can do is give him the space to make his own mistakes. Be there for him as best you can. You’re not required to approve to be able to be there for him when/if things head south.
It’s hard to watch people we love make decisions we don’t agree with. But sometimes we have to let them do it without our input. Be there for your mom. Let your brother make mistakes.” MissNikiL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Or justifiable jerk I guess.
I don’t get why a person shouldn’t be able to judge stupidity. If your brother posted asking the general public if he’s stupid for doing what he’s doing, everyone would tell him that he’s stupid and entitled and a freeloader and a little boy still depending on his mommy and that he’s biting the hand that feeds him.
And so many other ways in which they would call him stupid. “He doesn’t need your approval.” Yup, he most definitely doesn’t. But you’re free to judge him all the way. Neither affects him in any way, so why would it make you a jerk??” miriamcek
15. AITJ For Declining An All-Expenses-Paid Family Trip That Was Planned Without My Consent?
“I (28m) and my wife (28f) have been married for about 3 years.
My wife’s family is pretty well off (lower upper class, net worth of easily over 1 mil), especially compared to how I grew up (large family, food stamps, thrift store Christmas). This has never bothered me, especially since it is nice that we have a safety net financially.
My wife is incredible- she is down to earth, kind to everyone, and is just an awesome human being all around. She does not act entitled and is content with our current socio-economic status. My in-laws are great as well, they are supportive of us and do so much for us.
We disagree on politics, but it’s not much of an issue since my wife and I don’t engage with them if it’s brought up.
I am a high school teacher (important detail) and my wife is finishing her undergrad this year, while also working part-time as a barista.
Money is tight, but we make it work. My in-laws go on a trip to the neighboring state every spring and have been wanting us to come along for a few years now. They typically go at times when school is in session, making it impractical for us to go on a 10-day trip, which has been the reason we’ve declined to go in the past.
Okay, so here’s the thing:
At our most recent family dinner, my mother-in-law mentioned that she looked at my school’s academic calendar and booked an Airbnb for the week of my spring break. For 10 days. She went on to talk about how we would all stay at the house she booked. She also said we could all take their car to save on gas (18-hour drive).
My mother-in-law also explicitly stated that all meals, drinks, and lodging would be covered by them. All in all, I do believe she is well-meaning in all of this.
The problem is, I don’t want to go on this trip.
I didn’t say anything to my mother-in-law at the time, but I expressed my frustration with my wife afterward.
A 10-day trip would mean we leave the day after school gets out, and not get home until the night before I would return to work. 10 days is a long time for a trip with family, especially when you’re in the car with them for a collective 36 hours.
It makes sense financially for us to drive with them, but two 18-hour drives with my in-laws, on top of staying in the same house with them, sounds draining. I am a fairly introverted person and need space to myself to recharge and not be a miserable person.
Lol.
My biggest problem though, is that my mother-in-law didn’t even mention that she was going to book this trip until she had already done so. She didn’t ask if we had any conflicts, she just assumed we would go on the trip, without ever mentioning it to either of us.
When I brought these concerns up to my wife, she was understanding but also said it would be a jerk move to say no to the trip. She says that it would hurt her parents if we said no, especially since they are paying for literally everything.
So, would I be the jerk for saying no to this trip?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you should go on the trip, with some changes. 1. Do not drive. Who in the world drives 18 hours for a 10-day trip? No. Fly and then rent a car.
2. Don’t stay the entire time. Stay at most 3 days, because really, 3 days should be the longest anybody stays at/with their parents/in-laws. It’s malicious compliance, but hopefully in a way that even you will be able to enjoy yourself. Also, NTJ.” angelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s not a gift, it’s an obligation. Ask your wife why you would be a jerk to decline, but her mother isn’t a jerk for monopolizing the little bit of holidays that you get during the school year. If your mother-in-law wanted to do something nice, then she would have consulted you, not surreptitiously scoped your school calendar.
This is a not-nice move on her part. You’ve got a wife problem and a mother-in-law problem. Are you sure that this was new to your wife, as opposed to something that she already knew about but agreed to let her domineering mother present it as a “surprise”?
If the mother-in-law has hurt feelings, then she has no one to blame but herself. If wife disagrees, then she can go and leave you at home in peace.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree that your mother-in-law likely meant well, but failing to check with everyone else to see if they wish to go is not the way to do it.
She’s assuming that your time off is full of free time, and she should have asked you both, first. I could not imagine being stuck in a car with relatives for 36 hours round trip! Tell them that the 10-day trip does not meet with your schedule as you have things to do before break, and a lot of prep to do before getting back to class.
The full trip is just out of the question for you. The only thing I can think of is seeing if you can arrange to fly in and join them for a portion of the trip, then leave early to return. They might be willing to work with you on that if they truly want their entire family together.
Otherwise, you have every right to bow out, due to a conflict with your schedule. They have no reason to be mad, as it was wrong of mother-in-law to assume anything.” Aggressive_Cattle320
14. AITJ For Ripping A New Shirt My Mom Bought Me After Repeatedly Asking Her To Stop Buying Clothes For Me?
“I (16M) love my mom (46F). She’s a very nice and sweet lady and she goes out of her way for me and my brothers.
However, she takes it a bit too far.
One of the things she does is buy me clothes. Whenever she goes somewhere that isn’t Walmart or a grocery store she has a brand new shirt or new jeans. It’s very nice of her, but there are 2 problems. A) The shirts she buys are very ugly.
You know those shirts at JC Penny that are just sitting on a random shelf, the ones with a palm tree on them or something? That’s what she gets me. B) She’s been doing this for a few years. I am up to my ears in new clothes.
I have like 12 shirts I wear regularly, the rest still have the tags on them. Whenever she goes to the Salvation Army and I hand her all these clothes she complains about it.
So I decided to bring this up with her and told her I appreciated the thought, but I did not want her to buy me clothes anymore.
She said ok. But she still buys me clothes all the time. At first, I begrudgingly accepted them and told her to stop. Then I began to refuse the shirts and told her to return them. She returns them but still buys clothes. She has even started to complain about how much she has to return shirts now.
Anyway, it kept going and I kept getting louder about it, making it clear I did NOT want her to buy me clothes anymore.
I reached a boiling point and decided I wasn’t going to be polite about it anymore. I told her flat out the next time she buys me new clothes, I’m either throwing them away or ripping them because asking her “No” is not enough.
Again, she just said, “Ok I’ll stop.” Well, you can probably guess what happened next. She came back from the store and the first thing she said to me was “I know you told me to stop buying you clothes, but…” and pulled out another ugly shirt.
I took it, put my foot in the neck hole, and ripped the thing down the middle. I just handed it back to her and walked off.
She’s been pretty upset about it and has been crying about it. We haven’t talked since (it’s been a day and a half) and we’ve been kind of avoiding each other.
My brothers get where I’m coming from but think I took it a step too far. My Dad is on the fence about it, I’ve talked to him about this before and he agrees with me but I also don’t think he wants to take my side on a subject she’s this distraught about.
I feel rotten about it, but at the same time I’ve asked her for months to stop, and I was pretty patient about it up until like 3 weeks ago and I didn’t know what else to do.
Don’t twist this, I love my mom and recognize how much she cares for me.
I want to apologize but I feel like if I do this problem will persist. I know it’s a nice gesture but she also knows how much it annoys me and still, she does it.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like actually destroying the shirt was the last step borne out of sheer screaming frustration because after repeatedly asking her to not buy more shirts, and then making her return shirts, and giving her piles of unused shirts to go as donations Mom still wasn’t getting the message to stop buying stuff.
If gentle methods weren’t working, and based on OP’s post, they weren’t working after multiple discussion attempts and even extracting promises that the shirt buying would stop, sometimes drastic measures are called for.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Does your Mom have some kind of compulsive disorder?
Does she do this for her other kids? I think you must got to the end of your rope and finally maybe got through to her. Taking the clothes back and keeping the funds sounds like a good response. Also, ask her why she keeps doing this.
She’s brought a lot of stress into your relationship and I wonder if it is worth it to her.” Mimi_Loves_Fam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I swear my mom did similar. She would thrift shop and bring bags of junk to my house all the time.
I tried subtle hints. I asked politely a few times. I told her time after time to stop. She never did. One time she handed me a bag and I took it walked right past her and put it in the trash can right in front of her.
SHE STILL KEPT BRINGING BAGS. I told her not to come over anymore. Then I would find bags on my steps. She was doing it to annoy me at that point. She even tried to force me into taking a bag when my sister dropped off my grandmom’s antique tables.
My sister said she was told if I don’t take the bags, I can’t have the tables. I am NC with her, but not over that. That’s just the tip of the iceberg with her. All I’m saying is there is only so much nonsense you can take when someone is deliberately doing something you’ve repeatedly asked them not to do.
Everyone has a breaking point there. Hopefully, your mom isn’t anything like mine.” Liss78
13. AITJ For Moving In With My Paternal Grandparents Against My Mom's Wishes?
“I (18f) moved in with my paternal grandparents three weeks ago.
Context; I turned 18 three weeks ago. My mom did not want me to live with them and she strongly opposed it for the two months she had known I wanted to. I didn’t tell her. She heard me talking to my brother (16) about it.
My mom dislikes my paternal grandparents and she hates that my brother and I love them and still talk to them.
Things got bad several years ago.
So my parents were married, had me and my brother, and dad passed away when we were 7 and 5. Mom and grandparents disagreed because of funeral arrangements. Mom wanted to go against Dad’s written wishes while my grandparents wanted to support them.
They had a strained relationship after that and my grandparents had to sue for grandparents rights to see me and my brother.
When I was 10 Mom remarried. Her husband has three kids. His older two are from his first marriage, his youngest is from a different relationship.
Mom adopted his youngest because her mom was not in her life. The youngest has a lot of health and medical issues. She’s diabetic, has asthma, has some stomach and digestive issues and she has a heart defect. My mom and her husband struggled to pay for some of the medications and the cheaper alternatives weren’t working for her.
They tried to cut all the corners they could and he got a second job to pay more but the price of some of her meds went high. My mom asked my grandparents for help paying for them. She was freaked out at the time because the youngest was getting sick a lot and the doctor was concerned she was getting worse.
So mom wanted my grandparents to alleviate the stress and help pay for some of the meds since they could afford it and they spoiled me and my brother. My grandparents said no. Mom pleaded with them and suggested she would work on paying them back someday if they were unwilling to help but that it was something that could cost a child her life.
My grandparents still refused. Mom was furious. About two years after that they had managed to get on top of things and Mom tried to end the grandparent’s rights in court but lost. She never forgave my grandparents and she has expressed a lot of bitterness and hate toward them ever since and has discouraged me and my brother from loving them.
She told us we should hate that they would do that to our family.
None of this hurt my and my brother’s relationship with our grandparents. I don’t feel any anger or hard feelings toward them for the decision. I still love them. I think Mom was unfair to the two of us when she was spewing all that anger about them.
I didn’t want to be around it more and wanted to spend more time with my grandparents so we talked and agreed I could move in when I was 18 and I did. But my mom is furious, her husband said I am never allowed in their house again.
Mom told me I had betrayed my family for people who could happily be evil to a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you’ve been put in the position of having to choose between your mom and grandparents. Also, it’s not your grandparents’ responsibility to take care of their deceased son’s wife’s new family.
That’s so odd. I’m super curious about your dad’s wishes for the funeral they fought about. Was it worth the fallout and resulting visitation battle? I’m guessing by your mom’s behavior that the answer is no.” StreetMolasses6093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom expected your grandparents, whom she fought so much with, to pay for a grandchild that wasn’t theirs. Your mom is living in Lala land and is super vindictive. She put herself into the situation. It is not your grandparents to deal with.
Glad you are getting away from her, as her bitterness will never go away and it will drag you down.” SliceEquivalent825
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Friend From Her Date Late At Night?
“Last week, my friend Susan (25F) called me (25M) around 11:15 PM, asking if I could pick her up from a social gathering and take her home. She lives 40 minutes south of me and, since she doesn’t have a car, had taken public transit north for the gathering, leaving her about 15 minutes away.
By the time she called, public transit had stopped running.
I told her no. It was late, and picking her up would mean nearly two hours of driving. I didn’t think this was reasonable, especially since she had other options (her social gathering companion, Uber, etc.).
Her social gathering companion ended up taking her home.
This morning, I woke up to a meme Susan sent me that read:
“Just know, that if you called me at 2 AM six months from now and told me you needed me, I would break every law to get there as fast as I could.
And if you called me and wanted to sit in complete silence, I would sit there until you fell asleep. I will always have your back, even if you don’t have mine.”
It felt passive-aggressive, but it made me question if I was wrong for not helping.
I might have considered it if this wasn’t a pattern with her…
Susan moved to the area six months ago without a job, a place to live, or a car. She asked our mutual friend, Jill (24F), if she could stay at her apartment temporarily.
Jill checked with her roommates and agreed, but Susan ended up staying for weeks, which left Jill and her roommates feeling taken advantage of.
After working a summer job that provided temporary housing, Susan moved in with a family friend. I didn’t see her much during this time, but when she would transit down to hang out, I ended up driving her home—a round trip of about an hour.
There was another time Susan took public transit to hang out with friends in Jill’s old town. She knew she’d be out late and public transit would stop running, so she figured she’d just ask around for a place to crash. She ended up asking another friend, Mary (23F) if she could crash on her couch.
Mary and her roommates agreed, but Susan stayed for five days. This frustrated Mary and her roommates because they thought it was only for a night.
A month after that, Susan relocated to her current apartment. She asked me to help her move, which I did—driving 30 minutes to her old place, helping load her stuff, then driving over an hour to her new place and driving the 40 minutes home.
A few weeks ago, she asked me to pick up some pillows she was going to buy on a social media marketplace. I was busy and declined. She seemed surprised that I’d said no, but said she’d figure something else out… she never bought the pillows.
That led to this weekend when she asked me to pick her up from her social gathering. At this point, I’m starting to feel like she’s using me for my car. I want to be a reliable friend, but it feels like she’s taking advantage of my willingness to help.
Am I the jerk for saying no? Should I be more willing to help her? If not, how do I explain to Susan that her requests are becoming too much without damaging our friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Susan makes impulsive decisions and thinks it’s everyone else’s job to bail her out.
If she was in true trouble, that would be one thing, but asking you to do 2 hours of driving because she didn’t want to pay for Uber makes her a mooch. The text message was just manipulation when you communicated your boundaries. I wonder what would happen if you stopped responding to her requests.
It sounds like her friends are only her “friends” when they’re useful to her.” ATXNerd01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Susan probably wafts through life thinking everyone is her best friend and that it’s everyone else’s pleasure to be in her company. She probably thinks that she’s not an inconvenience to anyone and that she is entitled to everyone’s help no matter what.
You don’t have to help her if you don’t want but she seems like she takes advantage of people and doesn’t seem like your “friend.”” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What was her plan to get home? It might be different if things changed during her night out unsafe vibes, the car broke down, etc. But… just asking you like that without any explanation?
Yeah, she thought she could use you, and didn’t want to give you the chance to refuse. Also… forget that meme. If she was so concerned about you, what the heck is she gonna do without a car?” Ecstatic_Vibrations
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back In With My Siblings After Being Parentified By Our Neglectful Parents?
“Two years ago CPS took me (15m) and my siblings (10f and 8m) from our parents and placed us with our maternal grandparents. I was being parentified and our parents did not provide us with enough. We all missed a lot of school because I was too overwhelmed and angry to get us all breakfast, ready for school, and then to school each morning some days I went alone and made my parents decide whether they took my siblings or not, and other days I couldn’t face going to school and I stayed home.
There were days we ate nothing but potato chips because I couldn’t find the energy to make better food or because we had nothing else in the house. Sometimes the house was all gross and stuff too because cleaning was at the bottom of my list of things to do.
I told my grandparents one day after I just broke and I was so done. My siblings exhausted me that day. They didn’t want to go to school and they screamed at me that we should stay home and do nothing. They wanted to snuggle with me all day and they wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom.
So I dragged them to our grandparents and told them everything. It had been 4 years since they had seen us because my parents wanted to hide how much they forced me to do. They called CPS and they investigated and we were temporarily placed in the care of our grandparents.
Things got worse for a while after we were placed with our grandparents. My siblings didn’t remember them well or want them around so they would try to lock us into the room our grandparents gave me, they’d cling more and they were bad at school.
I was struggling a lot mentally too. So the family got together and I ended up moving to my aunt and uncle’s house (mom’s sister and BIL). It was supposed to be a few nights with them and the other nights with my grandparents but my siblings did not want me to go when they’d know I was leaving and we decided it was better if I just stayed with my aunt and uncle.
I went to therapy, my siblings went to therapy, and we had therapy together. Therapy together was so tough that I did it via Zoom while they were in the room with the therapist because again, they didn’t want me to go. We had to stop going to visit my grandparent’s house because they’d be so much worse if I stepped foot in the door.
We could meet outside both houses a little easier but it wasn’t easy. We were always meant to try and integrate me back in a bit more over time and trial some sleepovers at some point. But my siblings have said in our family therapy that once I come back I can’t ever leave and stuff and how they miss me doing stuff for them.
So almost two years later I said I didn’t think we should do the trial next month like we’d talked about. The adults get it but my siblings are so angry and they called me mean and said I left them and I wasn’t supposed to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are too young to be a mother and father to your siblings. You were let down in the biggest way by the people who were supposed to be responsible for you. I am so sorry that happened to you and your siblings.
Your siblings are desperately trying to get the only parent they ever knew back, but it’s too much to ask of you. It isn’t fair. Do the trial run when you feel ready for it, and don’t do anything parental for them when you’re there.
Decide what you want your boundaries to be, set the boundaries, and stick to them. Eventually, the Littles will readjust their thinking. I hope life gets better for all of you.” Netflickingthebean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your siblings are just reacting to the situation. It’s not your grandparents or aunt and uncle’s fault either that you were mistreated by your parents.
And it’s not your fault that you don’t want to be a parent of your siblings at age 15. Yes, they may hate you for now because kids hate change. Your parents are the only jerk here. It’s extremely telling that it is YOU your siblings rely on and cling to.
But they will get used to having other responsible adults care for them. This isn’t your responsibility.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s an unfortunate situation for both you and your siblings. You should not have to be their primary caretaker and they need an adult who can look after them.
Your mental health should come first, and it sucks that they look at you differently, but you need to do what’s right for yourself. I hope that everything will be okay for you and maybe one day your siblings can understand where you are coming from.” amelia611
10. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Stepdaughters To Their New Dance Classes?
“My husband has two daughters (13 and 12) with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for almost 11 years and we have been married for 7 years and share two kids together ages 6 and 3. His ex-wife is not currently remarried but she did marry twice since the divorce and has two additional children ages 9 and 5.
The co-parenting relationship is very unstable and changeable. Some decisions need to be made via mediation. Others they can agree on to a point. While a few were taken to court for a judge to decide for them.
My relationship with my stepdaughters was good until 3 years ago when their mom’s negativity changed how they treat me.
They have expressed that they know their mom doesn’t like me so they won’t like me anymore either. This has been discussed in court and therapy and nothing has changed. They continue to treat me differently than before. They don’t get away with disrespect but they still are way more rude than before and they’re colder with me in general.
Now onto the issue where I want to know if I’m the jerk. My husband and I are typically really good about communicating and he is a supportive husband and father and has done a good job of keeping me out of his ex-wife’s way so she can’t say junk to me and also standing up for me.
I don’t join them for talks about the girls. That’s him and his ex but my husband and I will discuss it.
A few months ago the girls said they wanted to take new dance classes 50 minutes from our home. They already do ballet, dancing for fun (which is free), and gymnastics.
But these dance classes are different. They’re also more expensive than the other extracurriculars they do. I told my husband I thought the new dance classes were too far and too expensive and I said they would not work with the schedule we already have.
But when he and his ex sat down to discuss it he agreed to these new dance classes which he and his ex will split 50/50.
When he told me I wasn’t thrilled, because he didn’t tell me he was going to agree to them. But I know it’s not my decision.
But I told him I could not and would not help get the girls there. He told me we’d figure something out. The girls were back with us two days after this talk and they said their mom told them I didn’t want them to do these dance classes and it’s a shame to be me because I don’t have a say.
After all, I’m not their parent. My husband told them not to speak to me like that. He was unable to get his parents to take the girls to the new classes so he wanted me to do it. I put my foot down and said no. He said he couldn’t because he had to work.
I told him I had to drop our 6-year-old off at his extracurricular that day and it would not work with time. My husband asked his ex if she’d bring them every week and she’s saying I’m such a jerk for not driving them and how dare I think I get any say in this.
I need to do what the kids want and stay out of their way otherwise.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You defend your husband but he’s part of the problem. 1) Your husband should have never told his ex/kids that you thought negatively of the class, especially without the context that it’s too difficult for them to get there.
2) Your husband didn’t hear you when you said you wouldn’t take them. 3) You don’t have to be part of hubby/ex’s conversation but then hubby/ex cannot make you part of the plan. 4) Tell hubby that your conversations with him need to be confidential. 5) Tell hubby/ex/girls that the girls cannot disrespect you and then think they can have their hand out for anything other than the meals you cook at home.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not part of the plan, so your help is unnecessary. You have your children to worry about. Mom wants to continue to advocate for hate, then literally just do what duties need to be done when they are physically in your home.
Feed them and make sure they have water and electricity. That’s it. Dad also needs to step up and remind his ex that if she wants her kids to dislike you, you’re not doing the extra. He can fight with her about the kids but not about respecting you?
Almost sounds like you don’t need him either.” JustAMuggle94
Another User Comments:
“You cannot be at 2 places at one time. You have to take your 6-year-old. You don’t have a stepdaughter problem, you have a husband problem. That woman did not out of the blue for no reason start disliking you.
He has told her something you said maybe about her in privacy. He had no reason to tell them about your feelings on the dance classes except to score brownie points with them and show he was going against you. You need to keep an eye out for that in the future.
Explain that to them directly yourself, via group text. No more trusting him to speak honestly about it. Tell her you were against it because you knew this would happen and you can’t help facilitate and Hubby knew this before he agreed. You have a prior commitment to the 6-year-old.
They think you are just being reasonable.” One-Childhood432
9. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Pregnant Sister Over Her Refusal To Reschedule Her Baby Shower After A Hurricane?
“I (20F) have a sister (23F) who is currently pregnant.
We found out in March and we could not be more excited. She decided to throw a baby shower, and so me and my mom (50F) bought a whole bunch of things for her. For context, my sister lives where Hurricane Milton hit, and so leading up toward the day we planned to leave (we live a couple states away, which is about a 12-hour drive not taking into consideration stopping for gas and bathroom.), we made sure to constantly check on the Hurricane patterns so we would know whether or not to postpone or leave day.
When Hurricane Milton became a Category 5 and evacuation orders were put in place, her husband asked her if they wanted to reschedule the baby shower so everyone could get there safely, including my mom. She said “No, I’m tired of hearing about the hurricane, the weather is supposed to be beautiful after the hurricane.
I’m not canceling.”
Hurricane Milton hits landfall, and their area is completely flooded and there’s debris everywhere. They lost power as well as a lot of their friends and family. Still, despite this, the baby shower is on.
Flash forward to today. We woke up around 2 in the morning to pack up our truck to head to Florida.
The first couple hours go by smoothly, and then we end up getting stuck in traffic for two hours because of a wreck. That pushed our ETA back two hours. As we get closer, we are faced with more and more traffic of people returning from hurricane evacuation, and our ETA begins to reach into the late hours of the evening.
Our final ETA was 1 AM before we hit a breaking point.
Me and my mom both were beyond exhausted. She was bobbing her head at the wheel and her eyes kept closing as we drove. I was so exhausted and nauseated that I was hallucinating.
However, we still had a good three hours of our trip left. After I told her we had to park somewhere, we ended up parking at a truck stop. My sister then calls my mom to check on her, and says “Tell (My Name) to get her jerk self in the driver’s seat and drive.” My mom answers, “Honey, (my name) is just as exhausted as I am and she’s also autistic, she’s never driven a truck this size before.” (For context: yes I am autistic, and my dad has one of those massive Chevy trucks where I can stand in it if I bend my body.)
This is where I start to lose it because I’m loopy and I’m extremely overwhelmed with everything. I tell my sister “You could have easily rescheduled this for another day. A hurricane blew through your town, people died, and people lost their homes.
We are doing all we can.”
She hasn’t responded to me. Currently, I’m staying awake with my mom at a truck stop making sure she gets some sleep. I’m so close to passing out that I don’t even know how I’m writing this.
But I feel like I kinda went too hard on her. I mean, she’s my sister and she’s pregnant. She didn’t evacuate for the hurricane because she said it wasn’t that big of a deal, and that she was tired of hearing about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sometimes you just have to be firm with people. In my opinion, you should have told my sister “No way am I coming to this baby shower and driving through a hurricane and its aftermath. We’re sorry to miss your baby shower, but if you are going to be unreasonable this is what is going to happen.
We are not coming. We are not endangering ourselves for your vanity.” Cranky70something
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You and your mother had the power to say “no”, yet you chose to drive into a post-hurricane region and help clog up the roads for a silly baby shower.
Then you lash out at her bringing up the same reasons you chose to ignore by driving down there. Sister is the worst of all.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your sister has main character syndrome and she is being ridiculous, not to mention obtuse.
I will be shocked if anyone comes to this shower. It doesn’t matter how many tantrums she throws you need to be safe first and foremost. Put your phone down and get some sleep. When you wake, tell her this shower just can’t happen now and you’ll be rescheduling.
Tell her, don’t ask.” DecemberViolet1984
8. AITJ For Considering Skipping My Brother's Wedding After He Missed My Husband's Funeral?
“I 37 F have a younger brother 34 M. He and his fiancee are due to be married next spring. I am so happy for him. My husband passed away 2 months ago. My brother refused to come to his funeral because my mom would be attending.
My brother is in NC with my mom. His reason for not coming to the funeral was to avoid issues or stressful situations. I informed him as long as everybody acted like adults, we would be fine. He still refused to come. It was my husband’s funeral!!
I have a five-year-old son with him. And I could have used my little brother’s support. We have always been pretty close and have always been there for each other. We do live four hours away from each other, but keep in contact as much as possible.
Seeing as we both work full time, and I have children. My brother let me know the wedding date and told me to save the date. I told him I was so happy for him. I am completely NC with my father and my sister 40 F for many, many reasons, stories for another time.
After my brother told me about the wedding date, he then said, “By the way, whether you like it or not, you have to be around family you don’t want to be around.” I responded, “Wait a minute, you could not come to my husband’s FUNERAL because you did not want to be around one person for a couple of hours, but you expect me to come to your wedding for 2 days with two people I do not speak with or have anything to do with?” The relationship between me, my father, and my sister is very toxic.
I can’t get into it too much on here. But my sister has always been very jealous of me and has tried to put me down my entire life. Not to mention the terrible things she said to my daughter 19 about my husband after he passed. Mean person all the way.
My father, let’s just say…. he is a disgusting jerk. I don’t even know how to explain the mental and financial damage he has caused me.
Am I being oversensitive or are my feelings completely valid? Am I being too petty? How can you refuse to go to your brother-in-law’s funeral?
Suck it up, put on your big boy pants and be there. I’m so hurt and angry. And I don’t know how to get over it. Would I be wrong for skipping his wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody has to go to a wedding or a funeral although there are traditional expectations that family should attend.
Your brother changed the expectations by not attending an important event. You can now reasonably reciprocate by not attending his wedding. You are NTJ. However, it will mean the end of a relationship you describe as close, and if you can accept that so be it.
I’ve got to say I’m surprised you are still talking to him when he abandoned you by not attending the funeral you asked him to come to, in your hour of need. Who needs people like that in your life?” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“It’s going to be controversial here. No jerks here or ESH. You can choose to invite whoever you want to an event. In this case, you invited your mum to your husband’s funeral. And that’s fine. You wanted her support. However, the consequence of that was that your brother chose not to attend because he is in NC with your mother.
This is also perfectly valid. He has a boundary, and he wants to stick to it. Now the flip side. Your brother can invite whoever he wants to his wedding and in this case, he chose to invite your sister and dad. You are perfectly valid to say, sorry I won’t be coming so I don’t have to interact with people I am NC with.
Now, where you and your brother may be jerks are telling each other to suck it up. You’ve both gone NC with your various family members for good reasons, and you need to respect each other’s boundaries. You both have to accept that there are events you will both have to miss to avoid people.
If your brother’s support meant so much to you, then why did you choose your mum over him? And if he wants you at his wedding. Why did he choose your dad and sister over you?” BackgroundSoup7952
Another User Comments:
“ESH neither of you seem to be willing to accept the validity of each other’s trauma.
Neither of you is a jerk for needing to stay away from toxic family members, but what tips it over to ESH for me is that both of you seem to be arguing that your own NC is valid and the other needs to suck it up and deal with theirs.
You don’t have to go to the wedding just like he didn’t have to go to the funeral, but for folks who’ve had to go NC with family members you’re weirdly unaccepting of how trauma works.” RivSilver
7. AITJ For Being Upset That Mom Wants To Donate Her Assets To The Church Instead Of Leaving Them To Us?
“My sister and I are in our early 20s. We are middle class, live at home with our single mother a first generation migrant who has worked hard to support us.
My sister and I have both never gotten into trouble, we are in long-term relationships and have entry-level jobs in our chosen careers straight out of university. We bought our own cars and paid off our own university loans. Years ago, she sat us down individually and told us she would divide up her assets equally between us before she passed away.
A couple of weeks ago she told me she had some other thoughts. She basically said, now that we are adults and have jobs in our country, we have become “successful”, and we don’t need her help anymore. She also wants to be remembered for generations so she is going to sell everything and use the funds that she receives to donate to the church to set up a memorial fund and maybe get a statue in her name.
She said if she gave us her properties we might sell them and no one would even know about her. I was kinda floored when I heard this and I didn’t know what to say. She seemed excited at the idea and eager for our approval.
I don’t know what could have caused her change of mind. The only thing I could think of is that over the past 10 years, my mother has become increasingly involved in the church. My mother is a born-again Christian but neither my sister nor I are religious.
We have never said it outright to her but I think she knows since she’s always preaching to convince us. Maybe she thinks we’re sinners and not going to heaven so what’s the point of leaving us with anything? Maybe it’s the idea of not focusing on worldly possessions.
I just feel like everything my mother has worked towards since she had us is to build us up to have a better life and this seems like a complete 180.
I am a bit offended because it feels like she doesn’t trust we will use her assets for good as we’ll just blow it all on the bad stuff.
We live in a country with a huge cost of living and rental crisis, and I would be more than happy to be able to move out of one of her properties. I am confused as to why she would rather be “remembered” than want to support our lives.
Our father is out of the picture and has made it clear his step-wife will be inheriting everything, so neither of us will be inheriting anything from anyone.
But the thing is, I honestly don’t think her assets will be worth enough to fund anything long-term.
If I was being more critical, I don’t trust that the church will handle her funds appropriately at all. I’m thinking of raising these concerns with her.
It seems like the consensus is that where your parent’s funds go is their decision to make and that trying to change their mind for your benefit is an entitled jerk thing to do.
I feel like my situation is a bit different though because we had agreed on a different plan. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m shocked people can’t see right through the fact your mother is being coerced by the church. Churches do this all the time to elderly people.
I’d be upset. Talk to your sister about this and devise a plan to change her mind.” Current-Ad-1761
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be concerned that the church planted the idea in her head & is trying to take advantage. People are saying that you’re acting entitled, but parents SHOULD provide what they can for their children at all ages.
She is legally entitled to do what she wants, yes, but it isn’t immoral for you to be upset about it and worry about how her decisions may be clouded by her recent conversion.” User
Another User Comments:
“So, she wants to sell everything now?
Long before she dies? That sounds like a scam by the church, there is coercion there. NTJ. If she wants to leave the funds to the church after she dies, well, that’s not your business. Let her use her funds while she lives. Ideally, she’d be broke 2 seconds before dying.
That’s what I tell my parents.” BeterP
6. AITJ For Cutting Off Friends Who Neglected Our Cats While We Were Away?
“My partner and I had an arrangement with a couple we were friends with where we would watch each other’s cats whenever we traveled. They took advantage of it much more often because they went on a lot of vacations, had family in other states, plus more funds to travel.
Our family is local and we’re homebodies so our cats rarely needed watching and always for no more than 3-4 days. This didn’t bother us because we love animals and are always happy to care for them with no payment or anything expected. As far as we knew this arrangement was a happy one on both sides.
This was until we planned a very rare (for us) trip for two weeks. The couple we knew instantly agreed to watch our three cats and we were relieved to have that sorted.
Cut to the day we got back. I walked inside and was instantly hit with the stench of ammonia.
Our “friends” had not scooped the litter boxes even once in the two weeks we were gone. Each box contained a solid block of pee-soldered litter festooned with copious amounts of stool. At some point, the cats had started peeing on our clothes and couch and I do not blame them.
We were not mad at the cats and felt terrible for the stressful time they had endured. We had to deal with this massive biohazard situation and run out to get new litter boxes and products to deodorize the couch.
We were enraged and could not imagine why this happened. The couple was indignant and baffled that we were so upset.
They felt that “taking care of the cats” just meant feeding them and checking the water dish, not scooping the litter. This makes no sense since they had cats of their own for most of their lives so they know that litter is part of it.
We always scooped their cats’ litter when we were watching them, so I don’t know where they thought all that pee and poop was going while they were away. We left them an instruction sheet with the cats’ diets and serving portions but did not specify scooping because we thought that any rational person would know you need to scoop litter and we left the scoop out.
They refused to apologize or reimburse us for the new litter boxes and sanitation supplies and acted like we were jerks for being upset. They said things like “You weren’t even paying us!” even though we had performed the same duties for them far more times and always for free.
They are wealthy, by the way, thanks to a lucky stock option early on in the man’s career. They don’t need the funds.
So are we the jerks for cutting them out of our lives? If they had acknowledged wrongdoing and apologized it might have been different but they were 100% obstinate that we were being unreasonable in our expectations and our anger”
Another User Comments:
“So just to start, absolutely NTJ, I would have gone scorched earth. No person, let alone a cat owner, is dumb enough to think a litter box can go two weeks without being cleaned. Ridiculous. That out of the way, I do think in the future it’s worth including litter box maintenance as part of your instructions to whoever looks after your cats because people’s habits and preferences differ.
I scoop every other day or every three days for my singular cat. I have friends who have a big litter box and just scoop once a week (which horrifies me) and I have friends who scoop daily who I’m sure are horrified by my 2-3 day cycle.
So, there are different opinions on these things, and being explicit is never a bad idea. (But again, utterly outrageous that your ex-friends didn’t scoop at all).” jsrsquared
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d understand, more, if they had no cats of their own, but they do.
Cat urine, in particular, is potent stuff and litter boxes get gross, pretty quickly! It’s common knowledge that if a litter box is not clean, the cat will start to avoid using it because they are creatures who favor cleanliness. You always took good care of their cats and expected them to return the favor similarly.
For whatever reason, they failed to do the job properly. I’m surprised they could stand the smell! I certainly wouldn’t rely on them in the future, or offer to do any more jobs for them. They seem ungrateful. I couldn’t wait for them to offer apologies or offer to pay for new boxes and sanitizing supplies, either.
Thankfully, you weren’t paying them, so you saved on the costs of hiring a sitter. They dropped the ball, though. I have a feeling they are very focused on themselves and their own lives, and not so much on other people, including friends.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I scoop for my friend, and she’s usually only gone 3 days tops… her single cat could happily go about her business without it being scooped for 3 days, but I do it anyway. Because I love Carmel and I love my friend and she deserves to come home and not worry about taking care of the kitty as soon as she gets home.
Her time is better spent loving on said kitty who has been missing her for 3 days!” Thin_Grass4960
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Infertile Sister Help Name My Baby?
“My older sister (34F) was born without the reproductive organs required to have a biological child. Because of her condition, she also has some other health problems that disqualify her from adopting due to the uncertainty around her quality and length of life.
She was aware for most of her life that she couldn’t have biological children. That was discovered when she was still very young but the rest came throughout her 20s. She had dreams of motherhood and had lists of baby names she wanted to use.
But she will never be able to use them on children that are hers. What I (28M) did not know at the time was she had saved her baby names and was hoping she would get to name or help name my future children.
My wife (27F) and I are expecting our first child.
We haven’t announced the gender but my sister thinks we’re having a girl and shared her girl name with us. We thanked her and said we (my wife and I) would discuss what the name would be at some point. My sister looked upset by the response and she then shared her boy names thinking she got it wrong.
We gave her the same response.
My mom suggested a couple of months ago that it would be generous and kind to let my sister have some input. I told her we felt it was better if we named our child ourselves.
My wife and I did look at the list, just to see if we liked any of the names.
We did not. Names on the lists included Elizabeth, Hannah, Rosemary, and Francesca for girls and James, Edward, Patrick, and Michael for boys. Those just aren’t to our preference. None of them were and there were more names.
My sister mentioned the names again recently and she said we should pick Elizabeth for a girl and Michael for a boy.
She said that’s what she’d do if she were having the baby. I told her we hadn’t made our mind up yet but were still in discussions about it. She offered to help and I said no thanks, my wife and I wanted to figure it out between us.
My sister said she wants to be a part of naming all our babies. That she would love to share all her endless thoughts on names that she’ll never get to put into her kid. I told her I understood she wanted that but my wife and I as parents would name our child and she does not get to be a part of that.
I told her I understood that was hurtful to her but she does not get a say. I also asked her to please stop bringing it up. My sister told me I could let her have at least a little say in this and I said sorry but no.
She cried to mom, who thinks we should be more sensitive, while my dad told my sister I wasn’t wrong and she needs to accept that she doesn’t get to name our baby. My response has caused a divide among my parents and sister and me.
It has been made clear my mom thinks I lack compassion and my sister believes I’m hurtful to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Congratulations on your upcoming baby, and also on setting and keeping personal boundaries! Of course, your sister shouldn’t be involved in your decisions about rearing your child, including its name.
It’s very sad about your sister’s condition, but that doesn’t change things. Your mom is being weird though getting involved and trying to guilt you — your dad is right. And you are right about setting a reasonable boundary with your wife and sticking to it together.” MistySky1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s sad when someone’s childbearing preferences (in any direction) aren’t possible or aren’t allowed. Adding in not being able to adapt makes that sadness even greater. But that doesn’t mean she gets to take over parts of other people’s experience of having children.
You tried to be diplomatic, but her insistence has forced this conflict. Maybe you could have found gentler, kinder words, but I don’t think any way you could have worded it would have prevented the hurt.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A touch is odd that she’s SO fixated on your letting her choose the name of your children, as opposed to being expressing the desire to be an active and awesome aunt.
I very much sympathize with her predicament, but that doesn’t mean she gets to name your kids. If she wants to name living things so much, she could get cats or dogs, or her chosen preference of pets.” fallingintopolkadots
4. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Suspicious Behavior?
“I (23F) am pretty close with my dad (66M) and my mom (57F). They are extremely supportive and we’re a pretty tight-knit family.
Also, I’m currently living at home.
A few months ago my dad and I got into a massive fight because of some flirty texts I saw on his phone to a woman. First, he lied and said she was a man he worked with, then he said that was a joke but she was just a colleague.
When I asked why he would send flirty texts to a colleague he said it was a joke and he wouldn’t budge. To make matters worse, during this time he’d been acting weird at home (stand-offish, cold, and picking at anything my mom did). Before I could even digest all this, I had to travel for work for 2 months so I thought I’d figure out what to do next when I came back.
But when I got back, things were different. They had talked and he apologized and told her about the texts (not sure how much) but my mom trusts him and they seem good and happy together. Better than I’ve seen them in years.
Fast forward to a week ago, I’m catching a ride home with Dad.
When I walk into his office, he’s on a video call, but the other person’s camera is off. When he sees me, he immediately puts his phone face down and tells me to get out. I say “Why? Who are you on the phone with?” Which is normal for us (I’ve walked into his office when he’s been on Zoom meetings and he just mutes himself or excuses himself and tells me to “sit down, it’ll take a minute.”) But he keeps repeating to get out.
When I don’t, he leaves and takes the call outside. We haven’t spoken since and then this morning he asked me something unrelated and super casual and I blew up. I said I couldn’t believe he hadn’t even tried to have a conversation about The Call.
And he says I should apologize for interrupting. I said I was not waiting for an apology but an explanation especially given everything that happened a few months ago. He ignores that completely and doubles down on how rude I am for speaking to him while he’s on a call, and I shouldn’t be asking him stuff like that anyway.
I said, “That’s fine, I’m done asking. Us being on good terms, and on the same page especially considering everything that had happened recently doesn’t even weigh on you enough to warrant a conversation, so fine, whatever, I don’t care about this or you anymore.”
I’m starting to feel bad. For starters, it’s not true I care, he’s my father. I love him. He’s also old and I worry for his health and I hate wasting the time we have together fighting or angry at him. But on the other hand, this whole situation makes me sick.
I know he’s human and he can mess up but it’s the fact he never owns up to anything and he expects things to just go away. I don’t know, I’m conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you should talk to your dad and your mom one time about this.
Tell them both (separately or together) “After seeing the texts and after this incident with the call, I’ve lost a lot of trust in Dad. I don’t want to be in the middle of your relationship, you are both grownups. But I want to share that I’m feeling hurt and stressed about the situation.” You are not responsible for your parent’s marriage or how they treat each other.
You can express how the behavior is impacting you.” LotsofCatsFI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a pretty accurate statement that has been around for a while it goes something like “A wife is more forgiving of her husband than the daughter is of her father.” Your image and perception of him changed – you also think he was unfaithful to your mom which is fair because, given the information you provided, I do as well.
When children are involved – being unfaithful is a crime against the whole family.” WarDog1983
3. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Parents After A Stressful Day?
“I (25F) live with my parents (F50s, M50s) while I finish grad school. We have a great relationship. I love them and they love me. I am incredibly lucky.
Last week, my parents went on a vacation to a large city 5 hours away.
They were gone for 3 days and 2 nights. I was in charge of watching our family’s very loved and very spoiled dog.
I travel a lot for work. When they told me a week in advance that they’d be going on vacation those days, I let them know that I already had a work trip scheduled for the first 2 days of their trip in a city 2.5 hours away.
To accommodate them, I canceled my hotel reservation, switched around some events, and made it so that I could drive there and back both of those days from my events. I was happy to do this to give my parent a break.
Here’s where things went downhill—on the second day of their trip, hurricane Helene came on land.
I had to travel back from my work event in the thick of the hurricane weather on a flat smooth highway. In any other situation, I would’ve pulled over and waited it out, but I had to get home to my dog who had been home alone for 6 hours at this point.
I drove for 2.5 hours through 45 mph winds and torrential downpour rain. I got blown across lanes, passed a total of 8 accidents, and watched a vehicle spin out and then flip over in the median. I am a confident driver, but this was a scary experience.
When I got home, the power was out. We access our house through an electric garage. That was not working due to the lack of power. I called my parents in a panic, and by the grace of whatever higher power you believe in, my dad had put house keys in my car’s glovebox the week prior without my knowledge.
I stayed on the phone as I unlocked the door. And here is where I am the jerk. The stress of the previous 3 hours caught up to me and I yelled that I had an awful day. I added curse words. Then we all quietly said our I love yous, and I hung up.
I texted them this a few hours later: “Still no power. I’m sorry for what I said. It’s been a stressful day, but context doesn’t absolve responsibility. I am sorry for how I acted. I hope (city) is fun!” They did not respond, and that is unusual as they typically treat me like their personal Snapchat.
They came home the next day. I asked about trip details and things were normal. Later, my aunt (mom’s sister) texted me telling me I ruined my parent’s trip with my attitude and that they were not able to relax because of how worried they were.
She said I needed to do something to make up for the way I acted.
I feel so guilty for how I spoke to them, but I already apologized and things seem normal. And, to be honest, I feel like my frustration at the situation was justified. I feel torn and don’t know what to do.
So AITJ? Should I do something to make up for my actions?”
Another User Comments:
“First, it’s by the grace of your father, who put the keys there, no other power necessary. Smart dad. Second, your parents were worried about you. That’s what ruined their time.
Not you saying you had a scary day, not any particular type of word. Your aunt was out of line. I’m glad everyone is okay. NTJ, there’s nothing at all wrong with expressing what a hard day you had, including curse words, after an experience like that.
You didn’t say anything mean, you didn’t have a bad attitude. Give yourself a break.” Miserable_Dentist_70
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You had a (very) rough day and apologized for the outburst. Your parents seem fine. The only one that’s maybe a jerk is your aunt that is poking her nose into something that doesn’t need her (though maybe she too has good intentions, I don’t know what she is like in general so can’t tell).
Bottom line, just let it be and move on.” PurpleNoneAccount
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except perhaps your aunt. For starters, this whole thing seemed poorly planned. Your attitude was unfortunate but you were pushed to your limits. It was uncool and jerkish of you to swear at them, but then again you did apologize promptly.
I think you overextended yourself by deciding to drive back and forth for your work trip instead of staying overnight, regardless of the storm, and that when your parents learned you wouldn’t be available to watch the dog for the first few days they should have found another option (or shouldn’t have made plans, to begin with, if they were going to be reliant on you and your work availability).
The storm exacerbated things and that’s out of both your control and that of your parents. I don’t see how your having a stressful moment after traveling hours in a storm ruined anything. To the extent they felt bad for leaving you in this situation, so be it.
And as I said before, the storm was not in anyone’s control. An absolute saint could have perhaps glossed over the stress of the situation and assured them all was fine, but I don’t see how anything that happened needed to ‘ruin’ their experience and I think your aunt is out of line to criticize you for how that went down.” owls_and_cardinals
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'm Not Her Therapist?
“My parents, 59 (F) and 58 (M), separated at the end of last year and finally finalized their divorce in June. My dad was emotionally abusive towards my mom, some days he was perfectly fine and the next day he would be angry out of nowhere and threaten to leave my mom.
It was at the end of last year when they finally split up and got divorce papers did my mom finally looked like she was relieved. I, 25 (F), supported her through the divorce. I let her talk to me about how she was feeling, validating her feelings, I am helping her with rent, and I’ve been taking on tasks that my dad used to do.
I’ve stepped up even though I was supposed to be taking a break from working to finish my degree. She’s thanked me a lot for helping her and supporting her especially since my older brother, 30 (M), hasn’t done anything to support her during this time for her.
She seems to be a lot happier and I’m glad for her.
The only thing is that she had been making a lot of comments about him still and don’t get me wrong I get it. She’s bitter about the divorce, and that’s completely normal but it’s like anytime anything goes wrong she starts complaining about how the difficult situation is my dad’s fault.
I got it at first because he left us fumbling to figure out how we were going pay the mortgage and how we were going to make it financially but we got things figured out and we’re doing pretty okay for ourselves. But for months later to still be complaining about him?
I’ve kinda just reached my limit. My dad’s a messed up guy, I get that. But he’s still my dad at the end of the day. The only family I have is him and my mom. Yeah, I’m mad about how he treated my mom and I did kind of just want to cut him out of my life because of that but I’m also the only family he has too, so we’ve been working on our relationship.
It’s just like anything that reminds her of him or if he’s brought up, she makes some kind of nasty comment. I’ve been letting it go but today I snapped and whispered “Still complaining?” when she started ranting again about my dad.
She heard it and tonight she asked me if I thought she complained too much about my dad. I was honest and said yes.
She made me feel guilty because she said that she can’t just get over it in a couple of months and I’m the only one she can talk to.
I told her I understood she wouldn’t just be over her 30-year marriage in a couple of months but at the same time, I’m not her therapist. She then made me feel even guiltier when she asked if she couldn’t talk to me at all about her feelings.
I just feel like she is always dumping her issues on me. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve comforted her after fights, let her cry on my shoulder, let her rant to me about their marriage. Is it wrong for me to feel fed up?
Am I a bad daughter for not just letting her vent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mom I am horrified. My marriage sounds similar but I never badly talk to her father. As she has gotten older she has independently realized that he has issues and why I left. And even then, I don’t talk badly about him.
I make myself available for my child to vent to and support her. I’ve even reminded her that he loves her, just not always in the way that she needs to be loved. She needs therapy to find herself. She was married for so long in an abusive marriage, she has so much to unpack and unlearn and so much work to do to learn to love herself and her self-worth, and even to have a safe space to harp on his jerkiness.
But you are her child, you are not her therapist and you are not her best friend. Maybe you can try to help her find a support group to attend. And honestly, I suggest therapy for yourself to learn about healthy relationships of ALL types setting healthy boundaries, and learning how to assertively state your own needs.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great you are supporting your mom but you will have to draw a line in the sand. Tell her what you have told us, your dad has problems but he is still your dad. I hate to admit this but my daughter and I are very close.
So when her mom was unfaithful I talked to her probably too much. She finally demanded I start going to the gym. I can tell you she was so right. The gym is amazing for mental strength and wellness. I suggest you take her to the gym or help her set up therapy.” Organic2003
Another User Comments:
“My father died last year, and it stirred up a lot of family drama, which I had distanced myself from for nearly 20 years. I fell back into the role my family had assigned me and it was not pretty; my daughter didn’t even recognize me.
I leaned on her almost exclusively. One day, months after my Dad’s death, I was ranting about the continuing drama and she said, “I need to take a break.” And it was clear I needed professional support, which I got. NTJ. I’m not surprised it happened, but I am sorry (for you and my daughter) that you were put in this position.
You are asking for the role of a daughter, not a caretaker, and at this stage of your lives, that’s how it should be.” Aware_Welcome_8866
1. AITJ For Kicking My Mom And Ex Out Of My Wedding Reception?
“I (M30) started seeing June (F29) about 3 years ago. My mother has never really liked June for a couple of reasons, the main one being the fact that June didn’t let my mom push her around.
She kept firm boundaries which I admired and she even helped me do the same. My mom hated this, calling June controlling and wishing I hadn’t broken up with my previous partner Margo, who my mom loved. I was with Margo for 5 years and it was horrible.
Margo was very controlling and manipulative and always guilted me into things I wasn’t comfortable with. But thanks to support from friends and my sister, I was able to leave her. It was hard, but I had help and my life has improved since. My mom was very upset with this but relationships didn’t last so she eventually let it go until I started seeing June about a year later.
When June and I announced our engagement my mom didn’t freak out, which was weird considering my mom hates June. She was very calm but I just took it as she was finally accepting this so I didn’t think much of it.
Everything was fine and smooth up until the wedding.
I gave both my parents plus one’s to the wedding since they both remarried after I graduated college. So I’m not close to their spouses but gave them the option of inviting them. We had a very small ceremony. Just immediate family and a few close friends.
After the ceremony, I and June went to take pictures and then met back with everyone we invited to the pretty big reception. When we got there, my sister and June’s best friend/maid of honor ran up to us in a panic. Before they even said anything I spotted it.
My mom was at the table with my dad, my dad’s wife, and Margo.
I wanted to freak but June kept me calm. I walked over, pulled them both aside, and simply told them to leave. My mom tried to explain Margo and I are soulmates and June is just in the way of true love but I wasn’t hearing it.
I didn’t care. Just got my best friends to escort them out and I returned to the party where luckily, after a few moments, I was able to relax and enjoy it.
I really didn’t think this would all turn into something huge but me and June just got back from our honeymoon where we didn’t have our phones, and seeing mine I saw hundreds of texts from multiple family members.
They all think I was a jerk for kicking my mom out of her only son’s wedding. For the record, she was there for the ceremony but was upset she was kicked from the reception. Here’s a summary of my family’s thoughts. Some think I could have just ignored Margo and didn’t have to “freak out.” A few others, including my dad, think I should have just kicked Margo and let my mom stay but after the stunt my mom pulled, I didn’t want her there either.
I’m starting to second-guess myself since everyone is really mad. June and my sister are on my side but I fear my dad may be right and I should have just let my mom stay and made Margo leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why would you have let your mum stay?
1. She was disrespectful to both you and your wife and your wedding. 2. She said mean things about your wife on your wedding day AT the wedding. 3. She would’ve complained the rest of the reception about you kicking Margo out and ruined it for both you and your wife.
So again, why?? Why are you in contact with her at all actually?” CinderellaGoneCrazy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your Mom, kicked herself out. Your mother loved Margo cos she is your mother, a bully and controlling. Enjoy your new marriage and your firm boundaries. Tell your dad that your mother made the choice to leave her husband at home to create drama and that’s not a loving mother at work so she doesn’t get to enjoy the wedding, NTJ.” SadFlatworm1436.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wedding day is about celebrating your relationship, not dealing with manipulative stunts. Your mother’s decision to bring Margo, despite knowing your history, was disrespectful and meant to disrupt your special day. You had every right to set boundaries and protect your peace.
Kicking out both your mom and Margo sent a clear message that such behavior won’t be tolerated. Family members upset over this are ignoring the emotional harm your mom caused by undermining your marriage, stay firm in your decision…..” casandraswit
