People Want To Take The Opportunity To Tell Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Staying In Contact With My Son's Ex-Wife?
“My son Henry divorced his wife Rachel a year ago, their divorce wasn’t exactly messy, but it wasn’t easy either. I stay in contact with Rachel for my granddaughter’s sake.
My granddaughter is 9 years old, and Rachel also has another daughter Amy, 3 years older than my granddaughter, who is not my son’s child. She was from a past relationship Rachel had.
Now the thing is, Amy grew up calling me Grandma for pretty much her whole life, I treated her exactly the same as I did my biological granddaughter, I would always take candy for both of them, give them both a little bit of pocket funds, I hugged and loved (and still do love) Amy as much as I do my granddaughter.
As far as I’m aware, she’s my second granddaughter.
When my son and his wife divorced, I stayed in contact with his now ex-wife to contact my granddaughter, and Amy has her own mobile phone. I also have her phone number and stay in contact with her occasionally.
She still calls me Grandma as well. I didn’t think this would be a problem, however last week when it was Amy’s birthday, I gave Rachel some funds to buy her a present from me. She was thankful, bought her a gift, wrapped it, and sent me a picture of her opening it.
Later that day, my son came round to visit me and my phone rang, it was Amy calling to say thank you for her birthday present. My son told me he found it inappropriate for me to be talking to his ex-wife and her daughter when she was not my granddaughter.
He said I have absolutely no reason to be in contact with either of them as I see my biological granddaughter regularly, and that she’s the only one who is family, so his ex-wife and Amy who are no longer family have no reason for me to be in contact with them.
I disagree as I only speak to Rachel about my granddaughter and I speak to Amy as for the last 10 years, I’ve been treating her exactly the same as my biological granddaughter. I feel it would be unfair now to no longer have contact with her after so long.
AITJ for staying in contact with them both? I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong, I never discuss my son with either of them, I just simply check in and see how they are.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in the least tell your son to grow up, what you did and are doing for them is what you should do.
Amy and Rachel were a part of your family, and just because they aren’t legally part of your family you still consider them to be. I can see your son taking issue with Rachel, she is his ex-wife and whatnot, but Amy is a child whom you helped care for as your grandchild.
Based on the time frames you provided Amy was a toddler when you become grandma, the majority of her life you’ve been grandma, whether she has other grandparents or not, she’s formed a bond with you. If you ended that it could be very hurtful for any but also you.
Love isn’t finite, just because you love Amy and Rachel doesn’t mean you love Amy of your biological family even less.” Phil_Achio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son unfortunately while raised by a good mother seems to think it’s only b***d that makes family, he may have chosen to eliminate them as his but that doesn’t dictate whether or not you are involved in your bonus grandchild’s life.
You have loved this girl for the past 9+ years as your own, he doesn’t get to make that choice for anyone else but himself, and if he is so bothered tell him to mind his business as you mind yours.” 11822sweetness
Another User Comments:
“You have done nothing wrong.
You build a relationship with your son’s ex and her daughter. Yes, you only met them because of your son, but that is not important. Your son ended his relationship with his ex, and a girl he raised since she was 4 (this is just trashy on his end), and that is fine.
He doesn’t have to have a relationship with them. But, he does not get to dictate who you have a relationship with. Rachel is the mother of your grandchildren, so it makes complete sense you stay in contact with her. And Amy is your grandchild.
DNA doesn’t matter.
And divorce doesn’t stop someone from being family either.
Your son is a jerk. Sorry. But he is. You would think he would be happy that the child he helped raise for a decade is still being cared for and loved.
NTJ” evilcj925
19. AITJ Expecting To Be Welcomed Into A Party I Crashed?
“My family and I (F30) moved into our apartment about a year ago, and I became friends with our neighbor ‘Glenda’ (F42), Glenda has a daughter ‘Sandra’ F19 and a grandaughter who doesn’t live with her. I’ve met them both but have never had much interaction with them as they visit while I’m at work.
A week ago Glenda text me a picture of an invitation to her Granddaughters’s 1st birthday, with instructions to RSVP to Sandra. I replied saying my son(6) would be beyond excited to attend and asked if I could RSVP with her or Sandra as I didn’t know her number.
Her only reply was ‘Can’t wait to see you there.’ And I assumed she would take care of the RSVP.
The day of the party my son excitedly helped me fill a birthday basket for the baby, and when we arrived at Chuck E Cheese for the party Glenda was immediately excited to see us.
Sandra on the other hand seemed less than thrilled we were there. She didn’t even greet us. Every time we were around her she’d roll her eyes and whisper to other guests who would immediately give us dirty looks, and we were ignored by almost everyone.
When I asked Glenda how to get an arcade card for my son she told me Sandra had them. When Sandra told me she ran out I went to purchase one on my own, but Glenda told me not to, that her daughter would get more.
My son was so sweet and patient but was kinda sad watching all the kids play when he was unable to.
Sadly Glenda had to go to work, so she left and it got worse. We were moved to the end of the table by ourselves.
Our food was thrown out whenever we stepped away, and We weren’t informed about the present time so my son missed watching the baby open his gift. Then when the goody bags were handed out my son was skipped over then was told ‘Sorry there is no more’ when I watched as the ‘extras’ were handed out to the adults.
(Thankfully a kind teen gave him hers.) Finally, my son was given a playing card for the last 30min of a 2-hour party. Despite all of this my amazing son attempted to approach Sandra at the end of the party to thank her, and I watched as she literally ran away and tried to avoid him.
My mommy’s heart broke, and I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or scream.
My husband said it was obvious Glenda invited us without Sandra’s permission and that we should have just left because we obviously weren’t wanted. But we bought a gift and I couldn’t drag my son away from a party he’d received an invitation to.
So Honestly AM I THE BAD APPLE?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should have probably left.
You only properly knew Glenda, not Sandra, and Glenda shouldn’t have invited you without talking to Sandra first. Glenda didn’t have any right to invite anyone to Sandra’s party at all, it wasn’t her party.
However, Sandra’s behavior was immature rather than taking the bull by the horns and telling you ‘I’m sorry but I don’t really know you and I only want to have friends there’ she acted rudely. Sandra must have heard you were coming. She should have told Glenda that she didn’t want to invite someone she didn’t know coming, rather than treating you the way she and the others did.” Coy_Koi9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you were unwitting in this instance, but you also didn’t handle the social etiquette very well. I’ll be frank as a parent, I’m the only one who can invite someone to the party. It doesn’t matter if grandma helped pay for it, it’s MY child’s party.
Strangers showing up to an infant’s birthday is not only rude but sets a parent on edge because they don’t know you and will want to make sure their baby is safe.
The first thing is you should have tried contacting the actual parent before just showing up.
The other thing is when you showed up and realized you were intruding you should have done the polite thing and left. I get that you were confused as to why they were upset, but you’re the adult so you should have asked to speak to Sandra off to the side and asked what was going on and explained that Glenda invited you.
That would have cleared up instantly instead of dragging out the situation and making it worse.
‘I take queues from my son, he was having fun’. No. You’re the adult and you were intruding on another family. You prioritized your son’s fun over the comfort of another family and allowed your son to be treated badly by the angry adults.
That was entitled behavior on your part. The adults should have had a conversation with you and not treated your son badly, but I get why they were passive-aggressive because you were an intruder who wouldn’t take a hint. They were trying to make you uncomfortable so you’d realize you shouldn’t be there and would leave without them having to make a scene.
As for Glenda and Sandra, Glenda probably used you to get at her daughter. This is also probably not the first time Glenda has messed with Sandra and she’s probably at the end of her rope dealing with instances like this. Look at it from her perspective.
She was trying to celebrate her child with her friends and her mom swoops in to ruin another moment by bringing a stranger, demanding that Sandra accommodate said stranger, and then Glenda disappears leaving the stranger who won’t take a hint and keeps intruding on the party.
For your information, that invitation was probably sent in a group chat that Sandra made specifically for only the people she had invited and Glenda just screenshots it and passed them on to you. That’s why it said RSVP without any contact info. Only the people on the guest list should have seen it and been able to instantly RSVP in the group chat.
Sandra didn’t blow up at you, she just avoided you and didn’t want to give stuff she’d paid for to strangers. Your excuse of ‘but we bought a gift and he was invited’ is void because you weren’t invited and just because you brought a gift doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a stranger’s party.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“What was Glenda thinking, when she texted you an invitation to the one-year-old’s party? And then said she ‘Can’t wait to see you there’? People send e-invitations all the time, obviously, you thought this was legitimate.
Obviously, you took that as an invitation, and you would be welcome, who wouldn’t?
Now, I don’t care that the birthday child’s mother is only nineteen, maybe grandma wanted you to meet, maybe she thought you could be friends or a good influence on her daughter – who knows? At this point- who even cares?
But Glenda even abandoned you, partway through the party.
And you were iced out – at a Chuck E. Cheese. OP, you were in a bad situation.
I would never speak to Glenda again. I don’t care if she is your neighbor and you are new there. You and your little boy deserve an apology and an explanation.
But I doubt if you will get one. And it wouldn’t change my feelings. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
18. AITJ For Not Taking My Son To His Favorite Restaurant On His Birthday?
“My kid is very book-smart. However, sometimes he doesn’t really make good decisions. So his mom or I help him out.
My ex has custody of him and I get to see him whenever he has time. Usually every weekend.
I had been saving up funds to take him out for dinner at a steakhouse he loves.
This isn’t something we can do all the time. I’m not a millionaire tech guy and I have never received an inheritance. For me spending this much funds on a meal is a sacrifice. But he is worth it.
I had spoken with his mom so she knew the plan.
I had spoken with him and he was excited about going there for his birthday.
I went to pick him up at his mom and stepdad’s house. When I got there I went in because we are all friendly that way.
He was finishing two grilled cheese sandwiches and a bowl of tomato soup.
I asked why he was eating since he knew we had a reservation for dinner. He said he was hungry so his mom made him food.
After we left I asked him if he was still hungry and he said he was stuffed.
So I called the restaurant and canceled the reservation.
We went to see a movie instead. He has room for soda and popcorn.
When I took him home his mom asked how dinner was and I told her we changed plans.
Now she is upset with me because I didn’t follow through on taking him out like I said I would.
I think I made the right decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son was immature for eating right before he knew he was being taken out to eat, but that’s the kind of impulsive stuff kids do, and an opportunity to talk to him about it so he thinks before doing it again.
Your ex made him the food right before she knew he would be going out to dinner, it’s super indulgent and as an adult, she should know better, the fact that she did it and then got on you for not taking him to the restaurant anyway makes me think she did it passive-aggressively to get at you.” No-Permit8239
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, at the end of the day you did nothing special for him. You saved funds for a steakhouse but took him to the MOVIES? If your son asked for the movies I can understand, but if not and it was you who decided it sounds like he has a very mellow party and I just hope he had fun.
Honestly, your struggle is one thing but your child and their happiness are important too, especially for big milestones like this. I’m honestly confused about why you had a child if you didn’t have the funds to take care of him and then some. I hope your son had fun for his birthday but YTJ.
Not for changing plans, but for going to the movies instead.” lay_vibes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s trying to make you feel guilty for the decision she made to feed him two grilled sandwiches and a bowl of tomato soup before a big dinner she knew you planned for your son.
I can’t help but feel that things aren’t as friendly as you imagine they are between you and your ex.
She knew what she was doing when she fed him that much food before you came over to take him out. I have to say that if I didn’t know any better, this sounds a lot like she deliberately sabotaged your night out with your son.
Sorry, man. The fact that she’s trying to make you feel guilty for the extremely practical decision you made raises a number of alarm bells for me. It really does sound like she gave him all that food beforehand to mess up your plans.” User
17. AITJ For Not Responding To Emails After Work Hours?
“I (f33) normally work in the UK but the company I work for has a branch in the US and needed me to go there for a few months, so I’m currently in Baltimore.
My colleagues have been having some issues with me even though technically I’m not doing anything wrong and yet they’ve been complaining about me behind my back without really hiding it.
Here’s the thing, when I finish work, I finish work. That’s it, no phone calls, no emails.
I’m off. It seems difficult to understand for my colleagues because they’ve been trying to reach me constantly expecting a reply. I started switching my work phone off.
So they’ve started complaining to each other loudly that I don’t care, that I think I’m better than them because I can’t be fired for not answering my phone when they can, etc.
They’re really mad at me and I’ve been called a jerk by a few of them and lazy and so many other things.
I’ve spoken with friends from back home and they agree with me however my US friend agreed with my colleagues and thinks it’s a jerk move to not answer my work email when it would take me 5 minutes.
I thought I was right but I don’t know anymore. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
US worker here. NTJ. Unless your job expressly is on an ‘on call’ basis (meaning you basically are never ‘off’) you are not required to do anything after your mandatory shift has ended. Anything that you do is considered working and you are due overtime pay for.
(especially in the US as if you are a non-management employee you are due overtime. Salary or not)
Also, I would go ahead and submit an email to the local branch’s HR representative about the harassment. That is not allowed in any workspace in the US and can get the company in legal trouble if they do not handle the employees causing it.
You are legally entitled to a ‘Safe workplace’.” Mysterious-Wave-7958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not a jerk for not answering your emails after work, especially if you’re not in a job that requires on-call etc.
Unfortunately, you are currently working in the US where for many the work culture is, dare I say it, extremely toxic about this sort of thing where everyone is expected to be always ‘on duty’ as compared to most other countries where they have learned to set boundaries between work and home and companies and management, in general, understand that your work time and home time is separate and that your home time is not theirs to demand of you.” Sajem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always say the same thing at work: email is literally electronic mail. If you send a letter you don’t get to dictate when or if the person responds. It is not an instant communication system. You do not have to look at an email the moment it is received. If you need an urgent response then use an urgent communication method, with the awareness that crying wolf will get you screened.
They have accepted a poor work/life balance. If they will get fired for not working outside of work hours, then they need to find a new job.
My petty brain says to add one of those email signatures that says ‘My working hours may not match your own.
Please do not feel obligated to respond outside your own working hours’.” Natural_Garbage7674
16. AITJ For Criticizing My Partner For Trying To Correct Me?
“I’m (25) in no way a nutritionist or personal trainer, I go to the gym 3 times a week for an hour on top of staying active I’m relatively fit – I won’t be beating the rock but I’m in shape.
Anyway, my friend’s partner (28) came to me and asked for tips and mentioned she was dieting.
My partner (22) isn’t fat, she’s chubby and can admit (she’s said it herself; those are her words, not mine!) she isn’t anyone’s ideal body type, she doesn’t carry fat on her hips/thighs or breasts, rather her stomach – y’all know the chubby people who somehow look skinny?
If that makes sense… skinny and chubby. That’s her, she doesn’t like her body much but doesn’t have time for gym and needs to re-evaluate her food relationship.
She said to friend’s partner she just eats what she wants now;
She (and she’s okay with me saying this) had yesterday hot chocolate, two lots of those sushi things you get on the meal deal, a muffin, fruit, and two yogurts, and then a burger that night, and then today she’s got even more than that.
I told her that in no way should she eat like that, she countered a week on average she walks 40 miles so she’s getting exercise.
I told my friend’s partner ‘If you want to maintain or slowly gain weight like my partner sure do that, but she won’t get in shape like that’ I then explain to my partner if she wants to lose weight she should eat lower calories and then the exercise she’s doing will actually help.
She got upset, left, and now isn’t talking to me saying I’m a jerk for calling her out like that – I said she didn’t need to try and correct me in front of someone who came to ME for advice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. While you may have good intentions, you should have approached the situation more delicately. Criticizing your partner’s eating habits in front of someone else, especially without her consent, can be embarrassing and hurtful. It’s also not your place to dictate what your partner eats or how she exercises, as she is her own person and can make her own decisions.
Additionally, using words like ‘chubby’ and ‘ideal body type’ can be shaming and reinforce harmful body standards. It’s important to support your partner’s goals in a positive and respectful way, rather than criticizing them.” YouWillConcur
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Even if those are ‘her words’ you used them because you agreed with her assessment of herself.
Words that are coming from Her own insecurities but only because we are our harshest critics!
It doesn’t mean it’s true though.
You didn’t only go into detail about her diet, but you said it in a way that was so judgmental of your partner.
Based on the story, your answer to the question was UNNECESSARY. Your partner walks 40mi and she isn’t dieting. That’s all that needs to be said.
Your partner wasn’t even encouraging anyone to eat like her or advertising that this was her weight loss strategy, she was just being honest, but you felt the need to basically say ‘Don’t be like my partner’.
It was so disrespectful. Do you even like her?” eikenella415
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If my partner spoke about my body the way you speak about your partner, compared me to another woman, and said it was my fault because I tried to correct them?
My heart would shatter to pieces. It’s one thing to say negative things about yourself, it’s a whole different world of hurt to have your partner not only confirm those things and compare your insecurities with someone else. How can you lack such awareness and general care and love for your partner?
You need some self-reflection because your treatment of her is atrocious.
For your information, what your partner eats is fine. Her body is fine. She carries weight fine. If she really wants to lose weight, she could lose a good few pounds by dropping you.” editmultiverse
15. AITJ For Leaving Kids Alone In The House?
“I have picked up babysitting as a little side gig to save up for college. I babysit for a lot of families but I have one main family who I’ve been babysitting for a while now. (17F)
The kids used to be tame and very well-behaved, but then, their parents divorced and the children’s behavior has gotten worse and worse.
The mom had to start working 2 jobs to support the children so she gets home really late now and the kids aren’t used to that. I sometimes leave a few 50 or 20-dollar bills randomly around the house to help her out.
Yesterday, I got to their house at the usual time.
There are 3 children (8M, 6F, and 1F).
Kids come up to me and greet me, the usual. I usually bottle feed the one-year-old first thing when I get there since their mother doesn’t have time to. As I’m preparing her bottle, I suddenly hear a loud thud and see 6-year-old has fallen off the couch.
She burst into tears and I figured out that the 8-year-old had pushed her off. I tried to get him to apologize but he took it as a joke and ran off. I comforted 6-year-old and then finished making the youngest’s bottle.
I sat on the couch and fed her for a while and gave the oldest some coloring materials so they wouldn’t be bored. I then hear a loud crash and look and see they had somehow gotten on top of the counter and broken a glass.
I was annoyed and cleaned it up, they took it as a joke again and ran to their rooms.
It was quiet for some time and it was time for the youngest’s nap. I put her to bed and checked on the two oldest, they were surprisingly quietly playing in their room.
I began to make some lunch, but about 5 minutes in, I heard 1-year-old crying. I went upstairs and saw the two oldest by her door. They had been knocking on the door and playing with the light switches to scare her. I was extremely mad and told them they were going into time out.
Big mistake. They threw a huge fit and started running around the house when I tried to catch them. They then locked themselves in the bathroom and refused to open it.
At this point, the 1-year-old was crying hysterically and I was on the verge of it.
I walked out of the house with my 1-year-old in my hands and sat on the porch for about 30 minutes crying just trying to collect myself.
When I finally came back in, they were out of the bathroom and they said they were really scared to be alone in the house and thought I abandoned them.
I reassured them and told them that I just needed a little break. The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly.
Well, when I got home this evening, turns out one of them told the mom and now she has texted me and said she doesn’t know if she can trust me anymore for what I did.
I tried to explain to her that I was just trying to calm down but she said she doesn’t want to hear it. I am pretty upset with this and wondering if what I did was wrong. My mom said I did the right thing and I think so too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First things first. STOP GIVING THIS WOMAN ANYTHING. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel for her, you’re blurring the roles in this relationship.
Next, explain that you were outside the front door at all times, but it had reached a point where you needed to separate the youngest from the other two because of their behavior.
You chose to solve the problem that you could, calming the baby. Make it clear that, no matter how the children felt, they were never left alone and their fears and tantrums do not supersede the reality of their behavior.
Finally, as much as I hate them, it’s ultimatum time.
She needs you far more than you need her, you have the power to make a constructive change here. The children’s behavior is partially their age and probably exacerbated by their mother’s increasing absence. She needs to lay out the ground rules of behavior when you are caring for them.
She needs to decide what tactics you can use on her children when they misbehave. She needs to enforce behaviors and punishments for their behavior, even when you aren’t there. And, most importantly, she needs to find a way to stop them from locking themselves in the bathroom.
That is extremely dangerous behavior. If she can’t do these things then, for your own safety and security, you must not babysit her children anymore.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“If you were literally sitting on the porch right outside the door of the house with the baby, NTJ.
I wouldn’t describe that as leaving the kids alone though, and if you get overwhelmed like that again, it sounds like you need a different plan. Call your mom maybe? Let the kids know you’re going to be on the porch with the baby.
Tell their mom that you were on the porch so she’s not learning it from kids who had gotten scared?
If I heard from my kid that they were scared and couldn’t find the babysitter for a half hour, I’m not sure I’d be able to listen to any explanations either.
Parenting comes with a certain amount of losing your mind. You may not be able to babysit for that family anymore, and that may be okay.” KindCompetence
Another User Comments:
“You are wonderful and NTJ. I have worked as a pediatric nurse and sometimes we get a horrendous situation where a nanny/caregiver mistreats a child because of stress/etc. You did what we would recommend.
To step away and recollect yourself. It’s nearly the same as if you were downstairs and the kids were upstairs. Sure probably would’ve been a good idea to tell them you were taking 1F outside to take a break so that they knew you didn’t abandon them.
If I were the mom I would be thankful that you stepped away to recollect and calm the baby. It’s too bad she isn’t listening to your side. Also please keep your funds, you are providing a service. Hoping she listens to you.
With all the changes these kids have had, it would be harder for them to adjust to a new babysitter too… who knows if the next nanny will be as patient. Good luck with everything.” Beneficial-Idea-7161
14. AITJ For Not Paying For Expensive Glass Dishes?
“I was at a party last weekend at my friend Amy’s house. It was a mid-size party, with maybe 20-25 people there.
I was walking to the other side of the room and walking by Amy’s brother Liam and his friend. The friend pushed Liam’s shoulder (too hard but it was playfully, they were not fighting).
Liam was rather wasted at this point – he lost his balance and stumbled back into me. Liam is quite a bit larger than I am so when he stepped back into me, the motion pushed me into the wall and knocked several vintage glass dishes off a shelf and onto the ground.
They belonged to Amy and Liam’s grandma and were valuable, both sentimentally and monetarily.
Amy started crying and I told her how sorry I was that this had happened. Amy told me it would be hundreds of dollars to try to find replacements and that I should Venmo her ‘$500 to start and she’d let me know the balance after she located the same/similar pieces’.
I refused and told her that she needed to take it up with her brother – it was not my fault that someone else didn’t have control of their own emotions.
I was sober and would not have fallen had it not been for a large wasted man bumping into me and I feel it’s extremely unfair to blame me for others’ actions when I was simply in the wrong spot at the wrong time and had no way to predict his movements.
If my body had not been there, Liam would’ve fallen into the wall with his own body and would have had to accept the responsibility so the fact that I was passing by there shouldn’t be the main consideration. They have said that’s ‘irrelevant’ because I was there.
Several people who saw this happen fully back me on this because there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it but others are taking the ‘it doesn’t matter that you didn’t do it on purpose, it’s still your fault’ stance. I received many calls from Amy demanding I pay but I won’t.
I would’ve considered at least contributing if I hadn’t been blamed like that but Liam and his friend refusing all accountability for this has put such a bad taste in my mouth that I wouldn’t feel okay offering at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
$500 to start with, uh nope!
If they were so valuable, she should have locked them away.
She should take it up with her renters or homeowners insurance.
She could ask her wasted brother and friend to chip in and pay.
Friendship may be gone.
Other friends if they give you a hard time, they need to mind their own business.
Tell them you had to get X-rays and are going for weekly massages and acupuncture for your back and are looking for a therapist to deal with the shaming and verbal attacks from the party. You are going to need her to pay for those costs!” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were sober and her intoxicated bumbling brother knocked you over. Amy is only directing this at you because she knows there is no chance she will get her brother to pay up or take responsibility so she is attacking the next most likely person she can coerce into paying for her brother’s error.
Don’t cave. This will be an expensive lesson for her about putting away vintage breakables when you allow wasted people into your house.” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an insurance adjuster, so let’s put this in terms of a car accident. You’re in the left lane and there’s a car in the right lane.
Your side by side going through an intersection. Someone runs the red light and hits you in your driver’s door, knocking your car sideways and causing it to hit the car in the right lane. Are you responsible for the damage to the car in the right lane?
Nope. The person driving the car that hit you is responsible for the damage.
Now back to your situation. You’re not responsible because someone hit you and pushed you into the glassware. Believe it or not, Liam isn’t responsible either. The person who hit him and knocked him off balance, causing him to hit you, is the person who is responsible.” Legitimate-Moose-816
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Win The Bake-Off?
“This past weekend my SIL and I decided to do a ‘bake off’ to see whose tres leches cake our family liked more. SIL and I both consider ourselves pretty good cooks and usually always share the responsibility of making the food for family dinners or lunches when we all get together since it’s something we both enjoy.
We both like to brag about our HOMEMADE tres leches cakes. We always have friendly banter with each other about how ‘mine would kick yours butt’, ‘mine would put yours to shame’ etc. This is 100% in a joking way and how we joke around with each other, SIL and I had a great relationship with each other.
Or so I thought.
So we decided we were going to actually see whose cake tasted better at a recent family dinner that we had. We BOTH agreed beforehand that it would just be for jokes and there would be no hard feelings (obviously because it’s just a cake).
Boy was I wrong.
Fast forward we finish dinner and it’s dessert time. SIL and I bring out our cakes for the family to try. Now I will admit, the presentation-wise hers looked WAYYY better than mine. It was a circular cake though and perfectly iced and decorated. Unusual for the usual tres leches but whatever.
Before we started eating SIL asked if someone could run to the kitchen and grab the cake cutter tool she bought at the store the other day. My husband volunteered since he was getting a refill of his wine anyway.
Husband comes back in a minute later with his glass of wine, the cake-cutting tool and a receipt that had 1 large tres leches cake, and a cake cutter tool purchased from our local bakery earlier this morning.
He questions my SIL about this jokingly, SIL loses her marbles are starts yelling at him as to why he was ‘going through her stuff’. My husband explained that the cake cutter tool was inside her plastic grocery bag, and right under it was a receipt, so he grabbed it by accident with the tool and looked at it not thinking anything, and lo and behold…
My FIL and I started laughing a little bit. BIL (not SIL’s husband, my other BIL, 22M) chimes in and is all like ‘So much for homemade tres leches from scratch huh?’. Now this whole time I’m sitting there silently because w*f am I supposed to say?
All of a sudden SIL starts going off on me saying how I tried to ‘outshine’ her by making mine from scratch.
I’m like… huh, I thought that was the whole point of this and also yours looks way better than mine so how did I outshine you?
She starts going off about how she’s pregnant and the least I could’ve done was let her win.
She storms out and had been bad-mouthing my husband and me ever since. I feel bad because it was supposed to be a fun, light-hearted little competition.
Most of the family is split because some feel like I could’ve given her a heads up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, you did nothing wrong. You just sat there as this all unfolded so I can’t see how you’re at fault at all.
Secondly, your SIL was dishonest and got caught. Instead of admitting fault she threw a hissy fit and tried to defend her actions by claiming her pregnancy should absolve her of her bad behavior. Hopefully, her tantrum is the result of pregnancy hormones and an apology will be on the way.
If not, let her continue to sulk, and don’t apologize. She’s rightfully embarrassed and needs to just take her lumps instead of lashing out like a toddler.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your SIL tried to be dishonest on a friendly family contest. Seems weird that she felt she needed to pull a trick or that winning was so important to her.
Saying you should all ‘let’ her win because of her condition seems odd as well, maybe have a quiet word with her on the side and see if she’s OK? Maybe she’s trying to bolster her self-esteem because there’s something not entirely peachy? This is entire speculation of course, but either way, you didn’t do anything to shoot her in the foot, you have nothing to feel like a jerk for.” Spineberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, this was about HOMEMADE cake, right? Not who could buy the best cake. Other than that, you didn’t do anything? Your husband called her out, so she could be mad at him. Although that would also be unwarranted. She got caught being dishonest in a bake-off which wasn’t even a real bake-off and now to take the banter without whining as well.
Imagine what else she lies about though… this is such a small thing to try and be ‘better in’ to ‘outshine’ the other. I’m afraid you saw it as banter and jokes, she saw it as an actual competition.” Boeiendnl
12. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Cater My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I am a skilled cook. It’s not my day-to-day job, but I do some catering on the side for extra funds sometimes.
One of my closest friends is getting married this summer and I am super excited about her wedding.
She told me recently that she wanted to use me for catering for the wedding. I told her I was honored that she thought I was a good enough cook, but if I provided catering, I wouldn’t be able to really enjoy the wedding as a guest and I hadn’t really been planning on working all day for my friend’s wedding.
She told me that providing the catering could be my wedding gift instead of an actual gift. I explained that if I was catering the wedding (it’s 40/50 people so small for a wedding, but still obviously a lot of cooking and prep) I couldn’t attend it because I’d be making Hors D’oeuvre during the day and ceremony and dinner during the reception.
So if I’m not attending the wedding, I didn’t owe her an expensive gift so she needed to pay me if she wanted me to cater.
She is now mad at me because she was trying to help boost my catering by giving me some exposure (again, this is not my main source of income and I’m not looking for new clients).
I feel bad that she is mad at me but I just don’t see why I should cater meals and appetizers for free for her just because I am a good cook! It would be extremely expensive and super time-consuming for me. AITJ for telling her I’d rather attend the wedding but if she’d prefer I cater it, she needs to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman is just looking to score some free stuff. Catering a wedding is a MONUMENTAL task. If you aren’t doing this as your full-time gig, you likely don’t have the supplies, time management, staff to assist you, etc.
Anybody with any dignity would not assume the guests at her wedding owe her a gift. It’s supposed to be a day of love and celebration.
Not all of your guests can afford to bring a gift and their presence should be enough of a present.
Your friend has some serious entitlement issues.” Mimila1111
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think it’s honorable that you want to attend your friend’s wedding as a guest and help her celebrate the joyous occasion.
As such, I completely understand why you would not want to cater the event.
Unfortunately, you undermined that when you offered to do it for pay. Obviously, your time and skill are valuable; but that would make it a wedding gift. But you already said that you wanted to attend the wedding as her friend; so you should not have even offered to cater it under any circumstances.” jakisk
Another User Comments:
“‘She told me that providing the catering could be my wedding gift instead of an actual gift.’
That’s an incredibly selfish request on her part. Between the cost of ingredients for enough food for 50 people, the many hours of labor, and the stress level of catering a close friend’s wedding, that’s a huge request. You absolutely should say no. NTJ in any way, shape, or form.
If I were you, I would ask her what prices she’s been quoted for catering. I’m sure that asking you wasn’t her first thought. You have every right to ask how much funds she’s hoping she can save if she convinces you to say yes.
And that might give you some insight into how much she values your friendship. Because you catering her wedding would absolutely damage your friendship, most likely as a result of her turning into bridezilla.” throw05282021
11. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Apartments?
“A few months ago my partner and I were looking for a new apartment. We found a 2-bedroom we liked, toured the model room, and decided it was perfect for us!
A few days after we signed the lease, the family that was still living there contacted me.
They said that they were served an eviction notice because of a mistake with the auto-pay feature of their rent. They didn’t see the follow-up warning, and the landlord company put their apartment up for availability before they could get their finances together to pay everything back.
They were allowed to re-sign, but couldn’t get their exact unit because we had already taken it. The property manager said he would be willing to let them have it only if my partner and I agreed to switch.
The thing is, while the units are identical on the inside, the outsides are completely different.
The unit we signed for faces the community garden, whereas the one they wanted us to switch to faces is a busy street. There was no third option where we could find another unit within the complex, and we can’t break the signed lease to go somewhere else.
I felt bad for them, but I wouldn’t have signed if the only available unit was facing the main road. I said sorry, but no.
They tried to argue with me, saying that the interiors are the same and the street isn’t that noisy, but I stood firm.
They then accused me of stealing from their family and taking their home, and that I was going to cost them hundreds of dollars in moving fees, but I still didn’t budge.
Eventually, they did have to move. We moved in last month and I’ve seen them around a few times.
Today I saw the father out getting the mail and he sneered and spit at the ground.
While I feel bad about their situation, I don’t think it’s really my fault. I could be wrong though. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They wouldn’t have been evicted if only a few days late due to an auto-pay mistake.
They knew when their payment was due and adults, especially with families, do keep track of their banking. It would be convenient for them to not have to move but that isn’t your fault. You chose something that was available. It’s understandable that they’re unhappy but have no right in behaving badly towards you.
They may never want to be friends but they should be able to coexist. Enjoy your new place.” dizcuz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it wasn’t good management for management to blame you.
Also, you had no option since you would NOT have rented the unit that faced the street.
Management could have given you the option to free you from the lease provided that was something you would have agreed to.
I also don’t understand how it could cost them hundreds to move. In my experience, if you are moving within the same complex, it is relatively cheap to do because you can move all of your boxes yourself.
That only leaves some furniture – you don’t have to rent a truck. if you are past the stage where you use friends to help, you can hire some teenagers to help move the larger stove with a dolly.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Among other things, they’re lying.
The first thing that happens after someone fails to pay their rent is a written notice to either pay rent or move out. That typically requires a notice period of 3 days or more. And it’s typically taped to your door so the landlord can take a picture and prove they gave you the required written notice.
Unless they never went outside to get the mail, but somehow also never heard the knock on their door, they right away that the rent hadn’t been paid.
The ‘bank s*****p’ and ‘had to get the funds together’ bits are bogus. Sounds like they spent the rent funds on something other than rent.” throw05282021
10. AITJ For Not Giving My First-Class Seat To My Boss?
“Yesterday, my boss and I were flying home from a conference. We were on the same flight, but our original seats were not next to each other. I’m a frequent traveler on this airline and use their credit card, so I often get free upgrades to first class.
I got upgraded on this flight and my boss did not.
After the flight, when we were collecting our bags she said she wanted to talk to me about my ‘lack of respect for protocol’. She thinks that because the company paid for my original ticket, and she is more senior than me, I should’ve given her the first-class seat.
I think this is absolutely insane. While the company paid for my seat, it was my own personal credit card spending, and frequent travel that earned me the upgraded seat.
Is this some sort of corporate standard I’m not aware of? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – report this to HR immediately. You received an upgrade due to your personal finances (choosing that card & frequently purchasing flights) which has nothing to do with your employer/employment therefore she is 100% in the wrong. The only possible way they could have qualified for an upgrade due to your finances would be if you used your card to book the boss’s ticket, which you didn’t.
As it stands, if the only connection they had to your perks was being your boss, and it’s probable that the airline wouldn’t have transferred the upgrade to boss even if you had requested it – a spouse, maybe. But it is totally inappropriate & entitled for your boss to assume you could/should pass your personal perks on to them just because your company paid for the initial tickets.
If you’d gone for lunch during the trip and you had a loyalty card with credit and decided to splurge on a nice meal using your points to pay for the amount over and above your food stipend, would the boss have a tantrum and expect you to put it towards their meal rather than your own?
Same thing.” J*************1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and corporate standard etiquette say that employees should not give superiors gifts. Bosses are absolutely not supposed to demand them either.
OP, if you work for a large enough company there’s a handbook that outlines behavioral expectations. There’s probably a whole section just about gifts between coworkers.
Also, emailing HR with a brief explanation of what happened and a request for clarification of expectations going forward is the best approach. You document your boss’s misbehavior and get a firm answer on whether it’s acceptable to mix up your personal card with company expenses (because some companies do care about that kind of thing.)” shadowheart1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would contact HR seeking guidance on what internal policies pertain to this practice. If you are confident that the HR person has a friendship with your boss, include the HR rep’s boss in either the ‘To’ or ‘CC’ field. I would also mark the email as confidential. It’s usually implied that communications with HR are confidential but this should discourage the HR rep from discussing this issue outside their department.
In the event your boss finds out, you then have a legitimate grievance you can discuss with the HR manager about conduct by both your boss and the HR rep.
Good luck.” treadhead101
9. AITJ For Turning The WiFi Off?
“I (35) have been married to my wife Jen (30) for three years, and before that, we dated for six years… she is also 32 weeks (eight months) pregnant with twins. She’s my best friend and I absolutely adore her, with one minor flaw, she is a huge workaholic/perfectionist.
While we both have very well-paying jobs, Jen’s job is way more stressful and time-demanding. Even though she is brilliant and amazing at what she does, she often works around the clock (on average, 60-hour weeks) at home and in the office.
This wasn’t a problem before, but about two weeks ago her doctor told her to take a step back from work (i.e., go on leave early) because the stress was starting to cause her a couple of health issues, even though the babies are fine.
However, being the workaholic that she is, she has still been working from her laptop for 6-8 hours every day. Which, is fine, I understand that she had a couple of cases that she needed to finish. But most days she was so focused on work that she was forgetting to eat meals and falling asleep at her desk.
So, yesterday when I got home, I realized that she had done the same thing again. I woke her up and told her that she needed to go rest in bed. She insisted she was fine and said there was an emergency with a client of hers and she just needed to finalize some things for a coworker.
I asked her just to take a break first and take a nap/eat, but she said that she would once she was done and that it wouldn’t take her more than an hour. I told her fine, but no longer than an hour even though I was pretty annoyed.
So, two hours later when she was still working, I became frustrated and unplugged the Wi-Fi and put the cable out of sight. The only purpose of this was to cut her off from work on her laptop because she clearly had no intention of stopping.
Once she realized this, she yelled at me, called me a jerk, and she said that I was treating her like a child, and accused me of being controlling, condescending, and ‘borderline abusive.’
I told her that she is being stupid and just to let the coworker that asked for her help handle it.
I said that she was free to use the mobile hotspot on her phone or figure out the router herself, but otherwise, I would plug it back in when I woke up (which I did).
She was so mad that she slept in the guest room and when I went to apologize the next morning for calling her stupid (not for cutting the internet) she said that she can’t even look at me.
She hasn’t said another word to me yet.
I’m starting to feel like I might have been a bit extreme, even if I only did it out of concern. but honestly, overdoing it by trying to meet deadlines that she’s not even supposed to be responsible for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘I told her fine, but no longer than an hour even though I was pretty annoyed.’ This right here is controlling and condescending, before we even get to the ridiculous wifi stunt.
Your wife is an adult and gets to make her own choices.
If you disagree so vehemently with those choices, you can choose to make an issue out of it, but just unilaterally making the choice for her, over her objections, about her own health, is everything your wife told you it was, with emphasis on the ‘condescending.’
If you think your wife actually has an addiction or a serious problem with her work patterns (which does sound like a thing you wouldn’t be out of line for worrying about), then you should tell her that and push for therapy, not go behind her back and sabotage her decisions when you don’t agree with them.” coitus_introitus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Yeah, twin pregnancies are a lot, and Superwoman is a myth. (I’m a mother of twins, so I speak from that POV.)
That said, your wife is the only final judge of her needs and well-being. She has to make the decisions about how to assure that her career is there for her when she comes back from mat leave.
She has to decide how to use her energy. She gets to weigh her other pressing needs with the risks to her health (can you mention the specifics?). You get to be supportive and encourage her to make the best choices, but she is the one who makes the choices.
Anything coercive (like cutting off access to an essential utility) is controlling and infantilizing. Yeah, you did that. And the word stupid passed your lips in reference to your wife. This was also not a great choice on your part, though at least you seem to realize that.
Turn on the wifi, apologize, promise to never again interfere with her agency over her body and her time—and mean it.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is right. Your actions were controlling, infantilizing, and borderline abusive. You do not get to make this decision.
This is all very easy for you to say because having twin newborns will not impact your career. Colleagues and managers will not start questioning whether you’ll come back to work, whether you will still be as dedicated, whether you’ll need more time away, or whether they even still want to deal with you.
If you take paternity leave, you’ll be a ‘good guy’ or a ‘devoted dad.’ When she takes to leave it will be ‘taking a back seat’ or ‘focusing on kids instead of a career.’
You have zero right to judge your wife for the ways in which she copes with these issues.” cb1977007
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Partner's 20-Year-Old Daughter?
“I (41F) have been in a relationship with my partner (43 M) for 5 years. We both have children from previous relationships. His oldest is 20, mine is 9. His oldest lives with her mother and she and her mother are fed up with the situation. The 20-year-old is supposed to be working and attending class as per the terms of her continuing to live there, but only recently got a job and has missed a lot of school.
The 20-year-old wants to stay out all night partying and does not want to follow the rules or treat her mother respectfully. Her mother is at her wit’s end between the added burden on her finances and the disruption to her household and the younger siblings.
I could write a really long novel about all the things that have transpired.
My partner has volunteered for the 20-year-old to move across the country into the house that I own to live with me and my kids. He lives here too, but his work takes him away from home for about 10 months of each year in total. The 20-year-old is fully aware of this.
Being that his kids are so far away, I can count the number of times I have spent time with them on one hand, and understandably, they have never really felt much desire to talk to me otherwise. So, we don’t know each other all that well.
I told him I think it is a terrible idea, as I don’t want drinking and edibles going on in my house or someone coming in late. I also don’t want her bringing strangers into my house and around my kids as she starts meeting new people.
I get that these are normal things at her age, so I’m not trying to make her seem like a bad person, I just don’t want it in my house. I have been working for years on my ability to set boundaries and enforce them, but I’m still terrible at it because it still gives me anxiety and I’m conflict-avoidant.
I know I am going to need to get better at this anyway since the teenage years are looming ahead for my brood, but I worry that I am not up to this task presently and she is going to turn my home and my life upside down and be a negative influence on my kids who, understandably, think she is the coolest.
When I informed him of this he hung up on me and in the days since the sum total of our communication has been him asking if I’ve thought about it anymore or if I’m still making it all about me. It is starting to feel like this might be a metaphorical hill to die on, so before I persist I want to know, am I the jerk for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s volunteered for her to come and live in YOUR house, that YOU own? God NO. The next time you talk with him tell him YES, this is all about you because YOU own the house, YOU would be the one having to live under the roof with her, and YOU would be the one having to enforce the rules alone most of the time.
She’s 20 and if she’s having problems living with her mother, well then she’s an adult now and she can move out, get her own place, and do adult things.” Kokopelle1gh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her own mother can’t handle having her in the house and being around her younger siblings… but you — a significant other who barely knows his daughter and has no parental authority over her — you’re supposed to let her move in for the sake of your partner who is gone 10 months out of the year?
He’s obviously not going to mediate any difficulties that arise, so basically he’s asking you to do what his ex-wife, the girl’s OWN MOTHER couldn’t do. If she didn’t respect her mother’s rules, what makes him think she’ll respect yours?
Honestly, I think it would be foolish to accept as it will likely not only make your life with your own children more difficult but will likely also lead to a conflict between you and his daughter. While he is away traveling for work and dealing with none of the day-to-day, of course.
If he’s saying you’re making it “all about you” now, whose side do you think he will be on the first time his daughter disrespects you and your rules?” JustCallMeCox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is welcome to have his daughter move into his home.
But realistically, your home is a place that he visits. He’s not there for 10 months of the year.
If he wants to rent a place for his daughter to live that he stays in when he’s in which may mean that he isn’t helping financially with your place, which would be fair (it isn’t clear from your post if he covers any of the expenses at your place) – that’s totally reasonable.
But just declaring, my daughter is going to move to your place cuz she won’t listen to her mom. And I won’t be here so I won’t be any help. And what do you mean that’s a terrible idea!?! That’s not reasonable.
That’s why would you stay with this guy’s territory.” rak1882
7. AITJ For Going On A Family Vacation Without My Wife?
“I (M61) have a daughter Kayce (F25) and my wife Debra (F58) both Debra and Kayce do not get along whatsoever and had a deep falling out.
For background, Kayce was a teen parent and had my granddaughter at 17, my daughter feels slightly betrayed by my wife, Debra.
I didn’t know this until recently but Debra heavily pressured Kayce to marry my ex-son-in-law and to keep her baby, due to religious purposes. With that, my ex-son-in-law was very horrible to Kayce. when Kayce went to my wife, supposedly she manipulated Kayce to stay longer in the marriage despite how cruel he was to her and they ended up having 3 more kids together.
My wife to say the least was not happy about the divorce and didn’t support our daughter emotionally. So with everything, I said there is a strain with them, and the relationship with Kayce and Debra is cordial as of now. I’ve been diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and right now my priority is just to spend as much time with my kids right now.
My daughter Kayce and my other kids have planned a trip to Hawaii and Kayce invited me but she has asked to not bring her mom, I was sad but I understand and I didn’t want to push past boundaries with Kayce so I agreed I’ll go without her.
Debra cried when I told her that I was invited on the trip and not her, she even told me to let her come not let Kayce know and I don’t agree with that, so I was firm and told her no. She screamed at me saying we are supposed to be a team and it’s not fair that I’m choosing their side and I’m not.
She is now not speaking to me and told me I’m a jerk for not sticking with her so I ask you guys… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. There was nothing ‘slight’ about your wife’s betrayal of your daughter. Your wife – pressured her to keep a baby and marry a dude who wound up making her miserable when she was just a child herself – pressured her to stay with someone who mistreated her – was unsupportive when your daughter finally ditched her jerk ex-husband
So basically, she prioritized her religious values and pearl clutching a la ‘what will people think?’ over her own child’s well-being and happiness. You are doing your best to be a good dad and respect your daughter’s boundaries. Your wife is the jerk here, and if she wants to have any relationship with Kayce in the future, she’s got a lot of apologizing and admitting of wrongs to do.” Lexubex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife pressured her daughter to stay in an abusive marriage which in itself is horrible. However, at this point, stage four cancer, it’s about quality of life for you. Your wife, right or wrong, should acknowledge her daughter feels a certain kind of way, and that’s something she’s going to have to work on, but not on your time.
You deserve to spend stress-free time with your children, and she should understand. Maybe she can use that time to reflect on why her daughter doesn’t want to be bothered with her.” Aggravating-Film-221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife used her religious beliefs to manipulate your daughter over and over.
Basically what she did was set your daughter up with an abusive person, and manipulated her to stay in an abusive relationship. Your wife, her mother, condoned and enabled the mistreatment of her own child because of her personal moral code. That says a lot about the type of woman you married, none of it good, and definitely the reason she has such bad relationships with your daughters.
And now she is trying to manipulate a dying man into letting her blindside the daughter she hurt and still has not made amends to. Good on you for not letting this happen, spend what time you have left doing what you want. Let your wife realize the consequences of her actions, and do not listen to the complaining and excuses of your wife.” Grannywine
6. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Pay Me If They Want Me To Follow Their Instructions?
“After my brothers and I moved out of our parents’ house they replaced us with two little hyperactive rat dogs.
Those dogs get better food and treatment than we ever did. I’m not in any way implying my parents were abusive or withholding from us.
We ate good healthy meals, we each had our own room, and we all got love and affection from our parents. They helped us with university and instead of wedding funds, they gave us each a savings account that they started for each of us when we were born.
They are very good parents.
They are incredibly doting dog owners, however. They spend hours a day preparing food, walking the dogs, grooming the dogs, watching tv with the dogs, you get the picture.
My mom’s friend’s daughter is getting married and it is a destination wedding.
My parents are going to be gone for ten days.
Since I work from home they asked if I could please watch their dogs. I agreed. I can feed, walk, and clean up after two dogs.
Easy peasy.
Nope.
They have a list as long as my arm of exactly how they want their dogs watched. What time do I need to get up to feed them?
The exact weight of raw food to feed them, to the gram. The exact times for their walks. The grooming regimen I must follow. The water from the reverse osmosis system I was to use for the dogs. My brothers and I drank water or from the garden hose.
I booked out. I said that it would interfere with my work schedule and I couldn’t guarantee I could stick to their list.
I said they should get a professional dog sitter or kennel for the dogs.
Now they are upset with me for not taking care of their babies.
I think they have gone nuts.
I offered to do everything their way if they paid me to take that week off from work.
They didn’t like that idea either. Now they are saying they might not go to the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming that you’d be willing to make sure the dogs have their needs met, I don’t see why you’d be required to go as above and beyond what they want, given that it’d be a favor to them.
If the dogs do have very specific needs that you’re unable to meet without taking time off of work, it seems like they should be willing to hire professionals to ensure those things happen while they’re gone.
It sounds like they need someone to be around more than you’re able to do, and if that’s the case, they should be willing to pay you or a professional to ensure that their and their dogs’ needs are met.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If their dogs have that many specific needs that your parents want to be taken care of exactly to their specifications, they need to either hire someone to take care of them, pay you to do it or figure out some other solution. They can’t just expect you to drop everything and do all of that for free while they’re out of town.
I also say this as someone who has an elderly cat who needs to take multiple medications at different times of the day. I would never expect my relatives to drop everything to come to take care of her when I’m traveling somewhere without her.
In fact, the only time that I’ve had someone other than myself or my partner take care of her in the last year or so was over Christmas. We brought her to my dad’s house (where she spent a good chunk of her early life) and had him take care of her for a few days while we went and visited other relatives.
Before I left her with him, I made sure he knew what he was getting into with her needs and of course, didn’t automatically assume he would be willing to do it. If he hadn’t been up for it, I would have made alternative arrangements for her care.
Your parents need to be willing to do the same if they want someone to take care of their ‘fur babies’ according to their standards.” Artillery_Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine to have a reasonable list of pet care requirements (ie. basic routine, basic dietary requirements, etc.) but it sounds like this goes well beyond that.
Truthfully, I imagine it would be hard for them to find someone who would follow all the requirements you list in the letter even if they did pay. At best, they’d have to expect to pay a very large amount for this level of customized care and attention.” User
5. WIBTJ If I Sell The House Instead Of Giving It Away?
“My dad guilted me into letting my cousin live in it for free for several years now because my cousin doesn’t have much and wants me to just deed the property to my cousin.
My cousin has made a lot of improvements to the house ($26k supposedly). My husband thinks it’s unfair that I am just supposed to give this property away when there are several things we would like to do to our own home with the funds.
Here’s where I feel guilty… my dad already told my cousin he could have the property before my cousin started fixing it up. Supposedly my cousin has put pretty much all of his funds into it. I feel if I don’t just give them the house, then they put their funds into it under false pretenses when they may have used that funds elsewhere.
But also they haven’t paid rent for several years so I could consider that as a form of rent. To be fair, I would subtract the amount of work they’ve put into it from the selling price.
My dad is mad and has been sending me on guilt trips ever since.
He said he won’t go back on his word and he’ll end up just buying it himself and having to pay for it so my cousin can still live there for free. My husband is adamant that my cousin is not my problem, and I do agree, but still, I feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you got married you took vows to your spouse. You created a home together with your spouse. Your loyalty and decision making is with your spouse. So why is your father holding so much power and control over you and making all your decisions for you?
Your cousin is a fool for putting funds into a house he does not own. You are a fool for letting your dad control your inheritance. For goodness, sakes get a grip on your own life and get out from your father’s shackles. You need to make logical, financial decisions, not ones made so you do not upset your father – you are not responsible for his feelings and getting upset to get his own way.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A house is worth a lot of funds nowadays more than ever. It would be a foolish move if you just give it away (unless you have enough funds already).
As you said you could sell the house to your cousin and lower the price from what he put into it.
You also could sell the house and pay your cousin for what he put into it (not that you have to, but if you feel guilty about it). Or if your cousin doesn’t have the funds now to buy the house you could arrange some kind of rent-pay model (don’t know if this is possible where you live, but it is basically, he starts to pay rent and the rent until he paid enough to cover the agreed costs of the house + some extra because of interests).” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you give back the $26k out of the gross sales price, not the net (meaning that he is responsible for part of whatever fees you spend, such as realtor commission, closing costs, etc. in proportion to his share of the sale price (e.g. if it sells for 100k he is responsible for 26% of these costs), and then subtract market value rent, you are still doing him a favor because this statement isn’t necessarily true:
‘To be fair, I would subtract the amount of work they’ve put into it from the selling price.’
There is no assurance whatsoever that his $26k in improvements has increased the value of the home by $26k, or even increased it at all.
There are some improvements that will increase value – things that any buyer would value, such as fixing structural problems, adding a bathroom, updating old drafty windows, upgrading or replacing old mechanical or electrical systems, etc. But many upgrades don’t do much for value because they may not match the taste of the buyers, or the quality of the work isn’t very good.
Updating the look of a dated-looking 3 bed, 1-1/2 bath home doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a 3 bed, 1-1/2 bath home on the same street. Anyway, I don’t know what you do with that information because you probably didn’t have it appraised before he moved in, but just know that even your proposal to give him the funds back is more than fair considering you have no idea how much they increased the value.” RipeCreeling
4. AITJ For Belittling My Partner's Sport?
“I (25M) and my partner Leah (24F) have recently been away with some friends which is how this issue started.
Leah skates in her spare time, even does special stretches and exercises for her legs, and has proper shoes for it. Leah leans more toward street skating, doing tricks and things. She’ll even go on skate holidays with her friends where they spend all the days of their vacation at the skate parks and entering competitions.
I do skate myself but I use a longboard and just wear whatever trainers I have. I skate casually I’d say, whereas Leah is more sport-like about it.
One of my friends, Aidan, also skates. I’m not sure what level he’s at but from the few tricks I’ve seen, he is good.
Because I don’t really do tricks, we don’t skate together. Until last weekend.
I took Leah’s spare board and we all hit the local skatepark. Aidan was really impressed watching Leah and asked me how long she skated. I said ‘For a bit now’ and that she’s just a natural (in my opinion she is and makes everything look flawless, she didn’t even fall).
Aidan was pretty impressed and complimented her saying she was good for a ‘beginner’.
Leah laughed it off and said thank you but later asked me why Aidan was under the impression she was just a beginner so I told her what I told him and she thinks I was underselling how much effort she puts into her skating.
That it was ‘demeaning’.
Sure I didn’t mention that she skated almost every day (I didn’t want her to look like a try-hard) but Aidan complimented her and I don’t understand how it’s a bad thing that he thinks she’s a beginner and this good.
Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and let’s be real about why you acted the way you did.
First of all, you don’t give a crap how much work she’s put into getting better because you couldn’t care less about her ‘hobby’ that you’re not so great at.
Then as soon as your friend (that clearly makes you feel threatened) took an interest and complimented her! Your response was to downplay her hard work and make her seem less impressive.
And finally, when she addressed your demeaning behavior, you insisted it was a good thing that you keep her hard work, dedication, and love for the sport a secret.
So really you’re proud of yourself for inhibiting your partner and friend from connecting over something they both enjoy and work hard at. Sounds to me like you have a jealousy problem.” Rough-Parsnip2594
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I’m a female skater and have been skating for well over 5 years now.
I think where you undersold her was saying ‘for a bit now’ It kind of does imply she hasn’t been skating for long. If you worded it ‘at least a year’ it actually conveys her dedication to skating a bit more accurately. But the fact you don’t know exactly how long she’s been skating when it’s such a huge part of her life is pretty crappy and says a lot about you.
As for Aidan saying ‘she’s good for a beginner’. I don’t think that’s on you at all. When you skate it’s clear who has been skating for a few years (beginner) or for closer to a decade. It’s not an easy thing to master and I think Aidan would have perceived her as a beginner no matter what you said to him it’s probably just obvious.
As for Leah, she is probably hyper-aware of her skills and maybe even a little self-conscious about them even if she’s an amazing skater. Skating is a male-dominated hobby so you are already judged pretty harshly and most decent skaters have been doing it for closer to a decade.
I kinda get the vibe that she’s got her guard up a bit and is acting a bit defensive ’cause she obviously cared what Aidan and other skaters think of her.” grizzle613
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She works hard every day to be good. She doesn’t sound like a ‘try hard’, she sounds dedicated. You, however, sound butthurt that your partner is better than you and was complimented by another guy.
By the way, doing stretches and wearing appropriate safety equipment, especially knee pads and a helmet, is smart. You need to reflect on why you think that guy is good based on seeing him do a few tricks, but call your partner a beginner, knowing she performs in competitions, etc.” Royal_Case_4776
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You take so little interest in her sport you haven’t even asked her for your own sake how long she’s been skating? You don’t like that she’s better than you at it so you clearly downplayed her efforts, dedication, and passion.
Your buddy is also threatened by her skills. ‘For a beginner’ is a classic neg.
She gets a very light YTJ for being overly bent about your ambiguous statement. You could have and should have talked her up more, but nothing you said was ‘demeaning’.” MangalugAC
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Bus Seat To A Pregnant Woman?
“I (f) was coming back home from college using public transportation as I often do (I live in Argentina). At my stop there were plenty of seats available, I pick one at the back of the bus near the door.
A few stops after a pregnant woman got in, she ignored the first seats (which are the priority seats) and came up to me and asked if I could give her the seat.
At the time the bus was crowded enough to not be any seats available. I told her no because I was tired and wanted to sit down. She mumbled that I was a jerk and said she was 8 months pregnant, I told her I don’t care for that and that the priority seats are in the front of the bus.
Somebody else gave her a seat in the background but still made me feel kinda like a jerk. I think I’m entitled to the seat if I got in before. But I also don’t know if the people in the priority seats were people who really needed it so that woman couldn’t have asked them to give it to her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she may have been moving towards the back of the bus as is standard procedure when you enter and realized near the end that there were no seats available. It would not be safe for her to go back or to continue standing while the bus is moving.
You even acknowledge you don’t have anything wrong with you other than the fact that you were tired. She has medical reasons that make it dangerous for her to stand – balance issues from uneven weight distribution, loose joints from her hormones, and the fact that a fall could harm not just her but her baby.
You are a big-time jerk.” becky57913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, there is a reason why pregnant women, elderly and disabled people should be offered a seat when there are none available: if the bus stops suddenly causing standing people to fall the pregnant woman could have a miscarriage, the elderly could break a few bones and the disabled wouldn’t be able to hold themselves and are at higher risk of injury than you.
It is not about being tired or not, it is for safety, the chances of a young adult and a child breaking a bone or falling when standing are greatly lower so that is why those should leave their seats.
We live in a society that unfortunately is pushing a selfish agenda, but we thrive when we work together and protect the weaker and when we help each other.
You know what to do next time.” Comfortable-Class576
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Think about it. If you couldn’t see the priority seats from where you were on the bus, the pregnant woman likely couldn’t see your area of the bus from upfront. She boards the crowded bus, sees the priority seats are taken, and makes her way through the crowd towards the back, scanning for an open seat (and maybe hoping someone offers her a seat as she walks).
She gets to the back of the bus and realizes there are no seats open. She looks at you, a seemingly not handicapped young woman, and asks if you’ll give up your seat. You say no, and someone else offers her their seat. You are now upset because the other person made you look bad.
Seriously? So if the pregnant woman had stood beside your seat the whole ride, that would have been fine with you, but the moment someone else is kind to her, you get upset?
I hope you reflect on this and do better next time.” fedelini_
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Friends About My Heart Condition?
“I regularly attend the gym with a few of my friends. We go about 3 to 4 times a week together.
I also have a heart condition and I am advised not to take any stimulants like caffeine, I don’t really like telling people I have a ‘condition’ and this is what caused the problem.
A week ago I was feeling slightly sick so I told my friends I was staying home and doing a small workout there.
About an hour after I told them I heard a ring at my door and 3 of my friends were there saying they were going to encourage me to go to the gym.
I told them I appreciate it but I won’t be coming. I invited them inside anyway and we were just chilling out for a bit. One of my friends said he would make us all some protein shakes before they leave to go to the gym.
He asked if I wanted one and I agreed.
A few minutes after drinking mine I started to feel shaky. I wasn’t sure what was going on, I told my friends my chest was feeling weird and they started to panic too. 25 minutes went by and I was not feeling any better I was panicking now and my chest was feeling tight.
Another of my friends called an ambulance for me. When I arrived at the hospital They asked me if I had taken any substances including caffeine. I told them no when my friend piped up and said yes I had. I was confused so I asked him and he told me that ‘He put some pre-workout in my protein shake to try and lift me up a bit and make me come to the gym with them’.
I was angry and I felt betrayed that he would do this behind my back without telling me. I told him I have a heart problem, at this point my other friends started to defend him and say that I should have told them, that there was no way for them to know I shouldn’t take pre-workout.
I had no serious problems from taking it and the doctor said I was all okay. I was still angry at my friend and the other friends for defending him. I said it wasn’t cool that he did it without telling me. My other friends continue to defend him saying he couldn’t have known not to.
I have received a few comments that were hurtful calling me a baby for ‘crying’ about it etc.
I feel like I am going crazy. Is it my fault for not telling them beforehand? Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend knowingly intoxicated you.
So what that it was ‘only’ caffeine? It’s still a mood-altering substance that they didn’t have explicit consent from you to include in the drink.
And that’s before we get into the toxicity of not respecting your boundaries. You, and you alone, get to decide if you’re well enough to work out.
‘Let’s make you consume something to make you feel better so you can do X activity’ is not respecting your boundaries, isn’t acceptable, and that logic goes into some really dark places when you swap out ‘caffeine’ and ‘workout’ for other things.
Time for new friends who don’t feel like they’re entitled to your medical history or the ability to decide how well you feel at any given time.” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
One simple reason for it too: A lack of communication. Caffeine is a common stimulant in some foods and drinks, so the average person wouldn’t think twice about if it’s dangerous. If it is serious enough that it could hurt you, then there is no good reason to keep it from people you consider friends.
it was an honest mistake that could’ve been avoided if you had simply been forthright.
On the other side, adding caffeine to your drink without asking you was, at best thoughtless and at worst a violation of trust, though you have to admit there was no malicious intent.
It was still very inappropriate.
Communication works both ways, and neither of you did so.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. If you know you react badly to something, it’s your job to be proactive about it. I too have a heart condition and respond similarly to caffeine.
But I’m well aware that most adults drink caffeine, and many adults aren’t aware that caffeine can be a problem for some people. I bet they didn’t even know caffeine could make you feel that bad. Next time, just ask if there’s caffeine. You can say you’re allergic, you’re trying to cut back, or it messes with you… you don’t even need to mention a heart condition if you don’t want to.
But don’t expect people to spontaneously name everything they put in a dish without prompting.
As for your friends, they sound pushy but sweet and well-intentioned. And they seem like they were trying to take care of you. They checked in on you, they made you some food, they included you, they got you medical care, and one confessed to something that frankly many wouldn’t have to help you get good care.
And you may have just screwed that up. Hopefully, they accept your apology – your reaction is very understandable, even if it wasn’t entirely fair – and hopefully, they don’t give caffeine now that they know!” Odd_Elk_176
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but your friends are the FAR bigger jerks.
You’re a tiny bit of a jerk because while no one is technically entitled to your personal medical information, your friends are clearly gym buddies who you work out with regularly, and their knowledge that you have a serious heart condition is obviously relevant and potentially life-saving (or -threatening) information.
More importantly (and crucial to your being a jerk), the fact that you ‘don’t really like telling people’ in this context reeks of internalized ableism and the idea that admitting that you have a heart condition is somehow embarrassing or shameful. It’s not. Health issues are value-neutral. It’s perpetuating stigma like this, and the idea that there’s something embarrassing about having a health problem, that could have gotten you killed here.
But your friends are MASSIVE jerks because they literally poisoned you. No, they didn’t know about your heart condition. Doesn’t matter. You don’t b****y well give someone pre-workout, which often contains super questionable and sometimes dangerous ingredients even for healthy people (most pre-workout is classified under ‘nutrition’ products and therefore are regulated by the FDA as ‘food’, even though they can affect you just as much as some substances).
Lots of supplements interact not only with health conditions but with medications and things. They should never have given you a pre-workout without your knowledge. That crap is not harmless.
Everyone sucks here. You need to work on how you view your own and other people’s health conditions and not see it as ‘brokenness’ or something shameful.
And they need to work on not putting things in other people’s bodies without consent.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
1. AITJ For Screaming At My 6-Year-Old Niece?
“My niece is 6 years old. She’s a lovely little girl and I love her to bits.
My daughter is 4 years old and she and my niece are very close. I and my sister meet every week and take turns choosing a location to meet up and then we eat after. It was my turn to choose this time so I chose the park.
My sister’s car is currently towed so she took an Uber to my house and I would use my car to drive. Sounded good.
My sister arrives with my niece and brought her car seat and begins to put it in the car. My niece sees my daughter’s car seat and decides that she wants to sit in hers instead.
My sister tells her she can’t do that and my niece immediately starts throwing a tantrum. It took a while to calm her down. Maybe she was just cranky. So we’re driving, and my daughter says she’s hungry so I hand her a small ziplock bag of chips.
My niece asked for a piece so my daughter gave her one piece. She became upset and snatched the bag from my daughter’s hand and took a handful. My daughter immediately started crying. My sister asked her to give her the chips back, and she rudely did so by throwing the chips at my daughter.
I became enraged, but I stayed calm and told her to apologize. She did, and the rest of the ride went smoothly.
We arrive at the park. They play for about 30 minutes with no issues. But then my niece suddenly comes crying to us complaining that my daughter wouldn’t let her use the swing set.
I go to tell my daughter to take turns but I see there’s another swing open. I ask my niece why she can’t just use that one and she says she doesn’t like it. My sister tells me to just tell my daughter to use the other one.
I tried fighting it but I didn’t want to escalate the situation, so I did.
After they finished playing, it was time to go get something to eat. We asked and my niece said Chipotle while my daughter said McDonald’s. To decide, they did a Rock Paper Scissors match and my daughter won.
My niece went crazy screaming and crying for the whole ride. When we got to McDonald’s we tried to calm her down but she just wouldn’t stop. We tried to get her to get out of the car but she wouldn’t budge.
So my sister stayed in the car with her while I and my daughter ate inside. When we came back she had finally stopped crying, but when I announced we were going home she started again because we didn’t get her anything. We had to turn back around to get her food.
When we got home, my niece and my daughter were playing in the room. Suddenly, I heard a loud sound and my daughter’s cries. I ran to the room and my niece pushed my daughter to the ground because my daughter wanted to play with something else.
I became so furious but I just tried to focus on my daughter instead of my niece so I didn’t snap. She extended her hand to my daughter, and I snapped and screamed ‘GET AWAY FROM HER!’ My niece ran crying to my sister and we got into a huge fight which ended up with my sister blocking me.
I feel horrible about this and I need another opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yelling at your 6-year-old niece using a word she will definitely consider a swear word since she’s six is not massively productive or very nice, in my opinion. I still hesitate to call you a jerk though, you are a human being and just as subject to overwhelm and dysregulation as anyone else, and it sounds like you hung in there for a while.
I’m gonna go with ‘no jerks here’ because you know your niece is six.
If I were you I’d just apologize and explain adults get overwhelmed too. I’m not a fan of screaming at kids but moments of losing your cool like this are just part of spending lots of time around kids, in my opinion, the more important thing is how you act afterward.
Namely apologize, even though she is six and you are the adult. It makes a huge difference, if you would apologize to an adult in the same scenario then a kid deserves one too!” cleanpage4adirtygirl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, save your daughter.
Neither you nor your sister should have allowed it to get to the point where you screamed at your niece. She was having a bad day, for whatever reason. At any point during the previous 4-5 incidents you or your sister should have said ‘Maybe this isn’t the right day, let’s head home and cut the day short’.
Your sister bears more responsibility there as the parent, but it’s absolutely a jerk move to scream at a 6-year-old you are not the parent of even when you’re protecting your own child.” Huge_Researcher7679
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
But your sister went over the top by blocking you, a little ridiculous if you ask me.
Your niece and your daughter hang out enough it sounds like to have a sibling dynamic. Siblings act like this. It’s normal. Your niece sounded a little extra wound up but it happens to kids.
If you had two daughters and were taking them to the park, would you only give one a bag of chips?
No, you’d probably pack two. If you had two kids that liked different restaurants you wouldn’t do rock paper scissors, YOU as the adult would pick for them so there’s no fighting OR you’d teach them to take turns picking.
Both these little girls are too young to control their jealousy so it’s your job to try and keep things ‘fair’ as you can.
Your niece shouldn’t have pushed your daughter down and she needed consequences, screaming in a 6-year-olds face doesn’t fix it. I understand it was upsetting to see, but kids do this crap all the time when they’re comfortable. The important piece is to correct it.
Good luck OP. I hope your sister unblocks you so you can talk it out!” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You screamed at a literal child and describe yourself as being ‘enraged’ over a tantrum. This is really concerning to me, you’re supposed to be the one in control of your feelings and emotions and you let a 6-year-old get to you.
On the flip side, where tf was your sister, and why wasn’t she parenting her own child?
This kid needs to learn healthy ways to manage disappointment and conflict. All she learned from you is that it’s acceptable to scream at someone to resolve conflict.” Sufficient-Ant6619
