People Want Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories To Be Torn Apart
22. AITJ For Bottle Feeding Our Baby To Stick To Weekend Plans?
“It’s Saturday, we finally made it to the weekend where we can do something fun as a family. We have planned to go eat breakfast at our favorite place, then go to the zoo and have a walk around the park. But at 8 am, when our 3-month-old daughter woke up, my wife brought her to bed to breastfeed.
Our baby prefers the bottle, so my wife spent like 30 min convincing her to latch to nurse. I went and heated up a bottle and gave it to my wife, but she said she wanted to breastfeed. So finally, around 8:30 ish, our daughter decided to latch – but I know our baby takes forever to breastfeed. (She kinda latches, drinks for 15 min, then just suckles for fun for like another 30-45 minutes.
But sometimes she feeds and falls asleep latched and my wife will leave our baby on for who knows how long, possibly to the next feeding). I knew this would end up taking us to noon, then we wouldn’t be able to get breakfast or go to the zoo.
My wife actually fell asleep while nursing, and so did my daughter. So I took that chance and unlatched her and let her finish her meal via the bottle. My wife woke up to me bottle-feeding our daughter at the edge of the bed and started crying and yelling at me for disrupting the bonding time and her efforts to convince our daughter to finally latch.
So was I the jerk for bottle-feeding our daughter to speed things up so we can all do something this Saturday?
Our daughter prefers bottle because we both work a lot and she’s not used to nursing anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Clearly, your wife is having a difficult time breastfeeding, and she puts a lot of importance on doing it.
You know that she is willing to give up her morning for breastfeeding, and for you to stop her from doing it is wrong. You need to accept that your wife is okay not adhering to a schedule if it means she gets more bonding time with your child.
You and your wife need to have a conversation about the expectations of life now that you have a child. It sounds like you two are not on the same page.” Talathia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Once you have a newborn you need to accept that there is no such thing as a set schedule.
I’m sure it’s hard to let go of the idea of waking up and going to breakfast and attending to your following plans but the baby’s needs should always come first. Your wife is amazing for not giving up on breastfeeding and for being persistent in her effort to have the baby latch.
Breastfeeding can be a mental and physical strain on a mother and I’m sure she was so proud to have the baby finally latch. If the baby was hungry, the baby wouldn’t sleep. The bonding that happens between mom and child while feeding is extremely important for the baby’s development and the mother’s mental health.
While there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding, there is something wrong with you undermining it all when you broke the latch and fed the baby with the bottle so you can hurry things along to match your schedule. Breakfast could have been pushed to lunch in a small celebration of mom’s moment of joy.” Odd-Valuable6914
Another User Comments:
“So I know ya’ll gonna hate me but…what about the baby? I’m saying NTJ, wife on the other hand maybe a little. She was the one with the grand plan for the day, then she goes, gets the baby, and decides to force her to breastfeed when she knows full well the baby doesn’t like to.
And it will likely take a good part of the day that SHE planned away. Baby wants a bottle, give her a bottle. I am a firm believer that fed is best, if OP and wife both know the baby prefers the bottle and struggles to latch, then they should go with what the baby prefers.
You can still bond while bottle feeding (did it twice). The baby and her needs should be the top priority here not the mother’s need to bond by breastfeeding. Baby girl will still fall asleep in your arms, and you can stare at the tiny angel face that has taken over your life.” Express-Diamond-6185
21. AITJ For Leaving My Best Friend At IKEA After She Made Us Late?
“My childhood best friend (24F) has a habit of not respecting other people’s time. It’s led to many arguments over the years, but as she’s a great person and a great friend, it was never a dealbreaker.
She currently lives around 200km away from me, and I am usually the one driving to see her because she doesn’t own a car. So I drove there last weekend. We’d made plans to go to IKEA and afterward hang out with a bunch of friends that I only get to see once or twice a year.
The plan was to pick her up at noon, we drive to IKEA together, and meet the friends at 5. Plenty of time.
I got to her place at 12, but she said she still had some errands to run. So she asked me to drive her to the city to grab some things.
I wasn’t too happy about it, because she has a habit of taking longer than she says she will, but we had plenty of time left, so I figured it would be alright.
It was not alright. She had me park by the mall and was gone till 3, so around 2 1/2 hours.
I sat in the car the entire time because I hoped against all hope she’d come back soon, but of course not. When she finally did come back, she apologized for taking too long. I tried not to be too annoyed, but then she was like “yay let’s go to IKEA!” and I told her it wasn’t going to work out, we’d have to skip it this time because if we went there we’d be too late to meet our friends and I didn’t want to miss out on hanging out with them.
She convinced me to drive to IKEA anyway, promising she’d be quick, knew what she wanted, and it wouldn’t take too long.
Long story short: at 4:30 I told her we’d have to go, she refused, wanted to keep shopping, so I told her I would leave without her if she wasn’t coming with.
She laughed and told me to be more flexible, so I left and met my friends without her. The friends were absolutely shocked that I ditched her in the store and cut our reunion short. Since then, none of them have talked to me, and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk here or not.
I feel like leaving her there was a very minor thing because she could take a bus straight home and knows her way around, but apparently I should have resolved this by talking to her instead of leaving.”
Another User Comments:
“The two and a half hours waiting in the car would have been enough for me.
I’d have taken her home at that point. But then at Ikea, you bring up it’s the last minute to leave to stick to plans and she laughs and tells you to “be more flexible”? This isn’t some quirk where she can’t keep track of time.
She straight up does not care. She does what she wants, on purpose, fully aware of the consequences, and doesn’t care if it means you don’t get to do what you planned. That is obnoxiously rude and disrespectful. NTJ.” monsteramoons
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ, but it really depends on the people you’re going to meet and your relationship.
If it’s the sort of hangout where you don’t have to be there right at 5, then maybe you’re the jerk. Even they were surprised you left her to meet them, and they’re shunning you. I would think this is one of those “read the room” sort of situations.
I probably would have at least tried physically grabbing my BEST friend and dragging her to the car, or been late because it would have been the more socially appropriate thing to do. But, if we’re looking at it purely in black and white, then I guess you’re not the jerk.
You just were a little dramatic.” imjustheresometimes9
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Your ‘best friend’ goes shopping/errand-running for 3 hours during your visit? Brutal. And yes, you did warn her you’d leave but actually leaving was counterintuitive to the visit…if you’re all meeting friends together, then tell the friends what’s up… ‘Mary is taking for freaking ever, we’re going to be late’ ‘Can someone text Mary and tell her to get in the freaking car because you guys aren’t going to want to sit waiting for us’.
Next time (if there is one) talk to Mary and say look, I’m not coming into town to be your chauffeur. I want to hang with you, not wait in my car for 3 hours while you shop. I will ‘meet you’ at IKEA and I will ‘meet you’ at our friend’s place at 5.
Don’t rely on her. Do your thing.” notquiteright519
20. AITJ For Supporting My Stepfather Over My Brother In My Mother's Decision?
“Recently I found out that my mother and step-dad were separating. They’ve been together for over the past 15 years and he’s been a permanent fixture in my kids’ life since birth.
Since the beginning, this man has stuck around for my mother regardless of the stuff my siblings and mother have done. He’s had his share of screw-ups as well, no saint.
For the last few years, they’ve had custody of my 2 nieces with no assistance from my older brother and my step-dad being the only working adult due to an injury my mother sustained.
On top of that, this man supported my deadbeat siblings using their place as a crash pad. The most recent issue is my younger brother randomly moved into the living room and started eating the food and using everything without pitching in. Also talking trash and trying to intimidate my step-dad.
Currently, he’s moved in his partner and still isn’t paying for anything. Neither is she.
My stepdad got tired of being disrespected and told my mother my brother had to go or he was (only one paying bills). She chose my brother over him.
A couple of weeks ago, I told her that she was wrong and chose wrong and informed her of many things she’s failed at.
Her reasoning is “we will always have a place there”. She has no regard for my stepdad’s feelings or respect for him. She ended up leaving crying.
So AITJ for voicing my opinion regarding her decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like stepdad earned a place in the family over the last 15 years, while brother has used up any free “family” passes he had left. At some point, the cord has to be cut.
I’m sure she could have found a way to help your brother without sacrificing the relationship with your stepdad. She just chose not to.” Skurtz8446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s a tough situation for everyone. While I agree with you 100% that boundaries need to have been set and he shouldn’t be allowed to stay there and disrespect your stepfather, I also understand your mom not wanting to make her child feel like she’s choosing her husband over her kids.
It’s not right to allow him to behave that way with impunity, but that guilt (for your mom) can be strong so try not to be too hard on her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think Mom is going to be in for a surprise when it comes to divorce time.
Unless he’s adopted your mom’s previous kids (brothers? Sisters?) or has bio kids with her, he may end up paying very little in child support. Lord knows she doesn’t deserve much from him!” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Refusing To Respect My Controlling Stepfather?
“I (14F) currently live with my mom and my step-father, with me visiting my dad on weekends.
My mother and I are Chinese, and we speak our homeland language a lot in our house, which my stepfather hates as he doesn’t understand us at all (not that he tries to learn the language anyway) and says we should speak English as we’re living in America now, and not “over there”.
He doesn’t really respect my mom’s house rules such as wearing slippers indoors, refusing to knock before walking in (which has led to situations where he has walked in on me), threatening to break my stuff over minor things, and being a general nuisance.
There’s a lot more I could say but I’m keeping it short for now.
Recently, I discovered that he has put a tracker on both my and my mom’s phones, and when confronted, said it was to make sure we aren’t ‘sneaking around’ and I suspect he may have placed a camera in the house as he has commented where and what I was doing at the time when he wasn’t even at home.
At this point, I’ve started to try and stay over at my dad’s house more and started to refer to my stepfather as his first name, which my mother disapproves and him being mad and ‘disrespected’.
My mother has said it’s just him being him and that he’ll calm down eventually or something along those lines and that I’m ‘splitting the family apart’ while my dad has been mostly neutral.
I’m starting to feel like I’m overreacting and feeling slightly bad, as I could just suck it up for the most part I guess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Respect is earned, not given. You’re showing him the respect that he has earned, which is none.
He sounds like a complete jerk and someone who should become single pretty soon. The trackers and potential camera in the home sound very controlling, and threats of vandalism are unacceptable. Stay with your dad as much as you can. And share your concerns with your mom when you’re alone.” Kris_Third_Account
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to take a step back and really look at this man and his actions. 1. Telling you to speak English because you are in America… slightly racist no? You clearly have a strong understanding of English so speaking Chinese in your own home..
again OWN home… like what is this guy’s issue. 2. His reason for putting trackers on you both is super controlling and borderline abusive. I don’t like this man one bit. As for your mom, I understand wanting to get away and spending more time at your dad’s but please don’t leave her alone there and also don’t cut her out because of this.
You need to sit her down and show her this post. Show her it is not normal and there are good men in America. Just not the one living in her house.” Ok_Task_9603
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This stepfather is taking steps towards abuse and control.
Why marry someone of a different culture if you have problems with it? It’s not normal for him to be tracking your phone to accuse you of ‘sneaking around’. You’re not married to him and don’t owe him any information about your whereabouts–you have parents for that.
Him walking in on you? Definite red flag. Your mother is being a blind fool because she doesn’t see the escalation on the horizon. OP, the best thing you could possibly do is to get your dad to go back to court for full custody if he is a stable parent.
This situation is going to get worse.” moew4974
18. AITJ For Defending My Brother Against A Rude Stranger's Insults About His Hair?
“My (21f) brother is 16 years old. He has ADHD and struggles with socializing. Until the age of 8 he was scared of scissors (this will be useful to know later!).
My brother and I were walking through town about 3 days ago. I love my brother and decided to come home from university to go and see him. As I mentioned he has ADHD and struggles socialising with new people, but around people he knows he doesn’t struggle at all.
So we are walking to our local coffee shop. I have a friend that baristas there and she is great friends with my brother and checks up on him while I’m not home. This coffee shop mentioned is about a 10-15 minute walk from our house (depending on how busy it is).
To get to the coffee shop we have to walk down a major high street that is usually very busy. This is when we meet an old woman.
Remember when I said my brother was scared of scissors? Well, this is why that was important, my brother does not have the stereotypical hair of a 16-year-old boy.
He has never EVER had a trim, not in his whole 16 years of existence. This means it is really long, like 5+ inches past his butt long (my brother is 5’10” for reference).
Well, this old woman comes up to my brother from behind and said “what are you, you look like a girl!” My brother is already on edge because he is talking to a complete stranger but this insult made it worse.
My brother moves behind me which looks a bit silly as I am 5’7”. I turn around, stare this woman down, and say in a calm tone, “please be nice to my brother.” However, she doesn’t listen, “what is he, a (slur).” (I do not want to repeat the utter filth she said)
Now at this point, my brother is on the verge of tears. “Ma’am please don’t talk to my brother like that,” I say, still calm.
“He looks like a (slur) with that girl hair!” I cut her off before she could do any more damage.
“Ma’am if you don’t back off I am calling the police!” By this point, a small circle has gathered around us.
“Why don’t you let the baby talk?” She sneers.
“Ma’am you have no right to speak to my brother like this!” And I grab his hand and run out of this makeshift fight ring.
Once in the safety of the coffee shop, my friend lets us in the storage room so I can calm my brother down in private. I also take this time to sit him down and my friend brings him a hot chocolate to calm his nerves.
He sips it while I re-tie his hair in a more “private” style.
Luckily we didn’t see her on the way home.
I can’t stop thinking about it and now I think I am a jerk for snapping at her and I should have just ignored her comments.
This has had a massive knock on my brother’s confidence about his beautiful hair as most of the comments he gets are positive.
P.S. Does anybody have any hairstyles to use on his hair, he always wears it down but now doesn’t want to as he is embarrassed about it and its length, I’ve never had to hide hair before so don’t know where to start.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for sticking up for your brother against that horrible hateful woman. She had no right to interrupt your walk just so she could talk ugly and spread her poison. Teach your brother how to put his hair in a braid.
Have him use a big hair scrunchie first at the nape of his neck, then braid his hair and tie off the end. He can then loop the braid through the scrunchie multiple times so it ends up clubbed into a bun.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep being the solid ROCK STAR you are. That woman is a hateful, bigoted, knuckle-dragging excuse of a human being and she has no business talking like that to her family let alone a complete STRANGER. I would have lit into her like my hair was on fire and not let up until she slinked away and tried to crawl under the nearest sidewalk grate.
Good on you for sticking up for your brother. Tell him that it doesn’t matter what that hateful person thinks of him because there are more kind people in the world than haters, the haters are just LOUDER and more obnoxious. They think if they keep spouting their hatred loudly it will somehow change the kind people into being like them, or at least stooping to their level to resolve a given issue.
WE WON’T STOOP. You did GREAT. You told her to stop and when she didn’t you left as quickly as you could.
Hateful people’s opinions never matter because they are rooted in hatred and come from deeply unhappy and disturbed people. We allow them to voice their opinions, but we don’t have to agree with them, we don’t have to argue with them and we don’t have to give them the attention they are craving either.
Keep that spine shiny and hug your brother extra tight. I hope he will understand eventually that some people will NEVER be happy no matter what. Happiness comes from within your heart and if that heart is full of hatred for “the other” (no matter what “other” it is) how can it be full of anything but regret and emptiness?” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT. Way nicer than I would have been about it lmao. You showed that bigoted little lady that you don’t care what she has to say. Good on you for not stooping down to her level and throwing insults around.
Keep up the work and give your brother lots of love I’m sure you’re the best sister ever.
About hairstyles, I had a friend back in sixth form who happened to be a boy with knee-length hair!!! Trust me I was jealous. He and I being best friends meant I got the privilege to try hairstyles on him while he played on his PlayStation.
My honest favorite for disguising length was a low bun. If you want to spice it up a bit, make his hair one super long plait and then turn that plait into the bun (it’s easier than it sounds!) If I were you though I would just work up his confidence again to wear his hair down.
That boy sounds like he has the best hair ever and he shouldn’t be hiding it because some grumpy bigoted jerk said some mean words! If he does decide he likes it down again try out a a small braid and a small ponytail with bands at points.
Don’t make these too big, but rather as highlights or accents. Trust me it looks really pretty on both boys and girls. Good luck in the future and tell your brother I said hi, you both sound ace!” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Refusing To Let My New Neighbors Use My Driveway For Their Party Parking?
“The house across from me sold recently. The prior owners built it and lived in it for almost 50 years. They were lovely people and they are missed. I didn’t meet the new neighbors until recently. They’re living there only intermittently while renovations are being done.
Anyway, we both live on a very busy (double yellow line) street and while street parking isn’t illegal, per se, it’s definitely dangerous as it is a busy, relatively narrow, high-traffic road.
The neighbor’s house has a smallish driveway that can fit maybe six cars and, with the setup of the yard, there is really no lawn parking.
I, on the other hand, have a very large, circular driveway that can probably fit 15-20 cars if needed. But, there is only one entrance and exit point to the street.
So, I was out getting my mail the other day and the neighbor was outside.
She came over, introduced herself and we chatted briefly. Then she said, “May I ask a favor of you?” I laughed and said, “Well, you can ask…”
Anyway, long story shorter, she said they were having a house party the weekend after the 4th of July.
They were expecting a large number of people and were hoping they could use my driveway for parking as street parking is difficult. I said, “Sorry, no. It will block me in. I’m fine with your guests parking on the grass in front of my fence (I have a small fence about 8′ from the street and there’s a grass strip in front of it).
The Smiths (prior house owners) would often use it if they were hosting a large group.”
She said, “Oh, I appreciate that, but that will only fit about six cars, we’re going to need parking for another 10-12 beyond what fits in my driveway.” I again said, “I’m sorry, I can’t offer you use of my driveway without it being a significant inconvenience to us.
I’m going to have to say no.”
She then says, “Well, my guests can park along the side and back of your driveway so you can still get in and out.” I said, “Again, I’m going to have to say no. I’m not comfortable with your guests on my property and the only light I have at night is my post light out front.
It’s very dark at night and I wouldn’t want anyone to trip or get hurt.”
She started to look frustrated and said, “Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t think they can all park on the street.” I said, “Yes, I know parking can be frustrating here.
There are a couple of municipal buildings nearby. It might be worth calling the town to see if you can use their parking lots since it’s a weekend and maybe shuttle people or have them walk. Other than that, I’m not sure. It’s one of the downsides of living on a busy street!”
I then excused myself and went back inside. Now, every time I see her, she just kind of gives me a dirty look and says nothing. I don’t really care about my neighbor not being neighborly as we prefer to keep to ourselves anyway, but AITJ for not letting her use my driveway for parking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand that she is disappointed, but she does not have a right. You are very generous in allowing her guests to park on the outside of the fence. But you’ve already said that you don’t have a lot of light outside, so what happens if one of them trips and gets really hurt?
That’s your property insurance, not theirs. She can’t guarantee what her guests will or will not do. Even if you said yes, she can’t guarantee that they will park in the exact designated spots and not cause any problems. No is a complete sentence. The shuttle idea is the winner.” Competitive_Cod_3843
Another User Comments:
“You did the smartest thing because if someone hurts themselves on your property it is a mess. If someone decides to get intoxicated and damage your property it will be a mess. I would’ve said no and not given a huge explanation.
I don’t know folks well enough to offer too much info. Maybe if I knew them well I’d give some more context but sounds like you’re not very close with the new neighbors. I’d also be careful as they might still have folks parking on your property.
So maybe plan ahead. I have a neighbor who every year puts up large “do not park” signs as his property shares the street side for firework views. He’s wise to do that to get ahead of the mess that is the folks trashing his yard and parking over his plants.
Or blocking his driveway. Plan ahead!” Foamy-lizard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had neighbors on a busy road and my house is the first on a cul de sac. They would have people park on the street in front of my house (No biggie, so long as I could pull in and out).
What bothered me was they would have people cut across my yard to and from their house during parties. And since they had kids’ parties often, the parents used my yard as a smoking section and would leave remnants all over the place. I brought this up to them and they denied it even though I just needed to look out my window and see a group of strangers five feet from my window clearly on my property smoking and waving back.
I called up and paid for a surveyor, who my neighbor berated… and then once clear lines were marked, put up a 5-foot retaining wall and a six-foot cedar fence along our entire property line. The labor took about 15 years off my life… and the materials at the time were probably 15k between rentals and materials… but god darn a spite fence is a beautiful thing.
Nobody ever crossed our yard again, and the neighbors never spoke to us again.” Playful-Librarian-95
16. AITJ For Inviting My Husband To Confront My Dad About Divorce Papers?
“My husband and I separated 7 months ago. My dad has been trying to convince me to file for divorce since it happened but I’ve told him I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. Three weeks ago, he had an altercation with my husband and father-in-law, which is what I think spurred him to send my husband divorce papers without my permission.
I only found out because my husband called me to call me a coward for not speaking to him first. I was really upset with my dad for doing what he did, so I invited my husband for dinner that day (I was living with my parents at the time) so that we could both confront him together.
My dad was mad when he saw him in his house and wanted him to leave. They ended up arguing and my dad was completely unapologetic about sending the papers and told my husband he had already wasted enough of my life and that he would’ve never given him his blessing if he knew this was the type of man he was.
After my husband left, my dad redirected his anger at me. He told me he was doing what was best for me and I would thank him for this in a few years. He also told me to never invite my husband over like that again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – how would your dad even be able to have “divorce papers”? People who aren’t actually part of the marriage cannot file for divorce within that marriage. Just think of the chaos that would ensue if people could do that!
Don’t like your neighbors? Send them divorce papers. Mad that your ex just got married? Send them divorce papers. Teacher failed you on a test? Send them divorce papers.” Reenvisage
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your father is controlling and has no right to interfere in your marriage or take such an active role in any aspect of your life.
He tried to force you into a decision you didn’t want to make. Truthfully, if your husband had signed the papers and sent them to you, wouldn’t you have thought he was initiating a divorce and signed? Such a manipulative move from your father But, when adults want to have conversations about difficult issues, they ask for some of the other person’s time and are upfront about why they want to talk.
Ambushing your father with your ex at the dinner table was a jerk move. Bonus jerk points if you inflicted that landmine of a conversation on anyone who was uninvolved and just expecting dinner.” Revolutionary-Dryad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you need to make up your mind and decide whether you are going to try to fix your marriage or get divorced. Your dad has been your protector for your whole life.
He walked you down the aisle to your husband. Now you are living with your parents unhappy and separated for 7 months. Your dad is frustrated at the situation because you can’t make up your mind. He wants to see his little girl happy. He was wrong to send the papers to your husband, and you were wrong to invite your husband to his house knowing that there is bad blood between them.
You are separated from your husband. So, you don’t bring your husband to your dad’s house to tell your dad it was wrong to send the divorce papers. You need to put your big girl pants on and make a decision. Either fight for your marriage or let it go.
If you can’t make a decision then you don’t want your husband enough to fight for the relationship, so you ought to divorce and go live on your own and do some growing up.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Partner's Cat Move In With Us?
“I’ve been seeing my partner for nearly a year now and we both decided it was time for her to move in, she was however the one who first initiated the conversation.
We decided my place would be better as she prefers where I live and my place is bigger.
All the planning is going great until the topic of her cat joining us comes into question. I already nicknamed her cat Stinker as all he does is literally pee and poop everywhere, she tries her best and has multiple dirt boxes for him but he never uses them.
His ‘mess’ is one of the worst things I’ve ever smelt in my life.. nostril-burning, eye-watering, gas mask-wearing monstrosities. Multiple times I’ve stepped in it as he decided doing it outside the bedroom door would be a fantastic place to leave his ‘offerings’.
When I calmly say I don’t think Stinker joining us would be the best idea, she loses it. Accuses me of being controlling and making her choose between living with me or the cat. That it’s not fair my dog is allowed in my apartment but not her cat.
For reference, my dog is incredibly obedient and has never made a mess since she was a puppy.
She is now saying that living together isn’t the best idea as I clearly have issues I need to deal with first.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think she’s right that living together isn’t healthy for you right now.
She has every right to want to bring her cat, and you have every right to not want it there. She should really work on actually training her cat to use the litter box though as there’s a bit of a sanitation/safety issue, cat feces can have parasites even if the cat is healthy.” CephalopodSpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s right, there are issues that need to be dealt with first, but they’re not your issues. First, there’s something wrong with her cat, and she needs to get him to a vet. Two of ours had weapons-grade flatulence and feces when we first adopted them, and it turned out they had intestinal parasites and secondary infections.
Stinker’s fragrance issues could come from that or food allergies, or a few other things. Second, when cats eliminate outside the litter box something is always wrong. They want to cover up their fragrant leavings, doing otherwise advertises “Hey, I’m over here, come eat me!” to predators.
There’s a reason why he’s not doing it (is he declawed, by any chance?) and a good vet will help figure out the reasons why. Even if there’s no obvious medical cause for it, medication can help.” Cultural-Ambition449
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
You are the jerk for expecting her to ditch her cat who is her companion animal. Who would probably not be taken on by anyone else therefore he’ll most likely die as a result. Why does anyone just assume an animal can be kicked out and left to die because it’s inconvenient to take care of them?
When you adopt an animal you take responsibility for them for their entire life, not just until it gets a bit tricky. Your partner is the jerk for not caring properly for her cat. The behaviour you describe is not the behaviour of a happy, well-adjusted, well cared for cat.
For one, has she got him neutered yet? Why is she letting this continue? She needs to deal with it!” teaselpop
14. AITJ For Distancing Myself After My Friend Snapped At Me Due To Her Chronic Illness?
“I had been friends with this person for about 4 years and we got along quite well. She would make jokes at my expense sometimes but other than that everything was great. I was classed as “the annoying one” in the group, and I understand that I can be a bit much at times.
I only mention that because it leads into what happened. I’m quite a jokey person and I really like making people laugh, and one day she looked a bit down. I started joking around in order to cheer her up because that’s what I usually do.
Everything was normal, and then she just snapped at me and told me to shut up, saying “I honestly can’t deal with you today.”
The fact that she said “today” suggested that she’d been “dealing with me” for the rest of the time, but today was the final straw (although I could just be reading into it too much).
I shut up like she told me to, but later I asked what was wrong. She has a chronic illness, and sometimes she has flair-ups which cause her pain and she said that was the reason for why she was rude earlier. I told my other friend about it, and she said that I should just forget about it as it wasn’t her fault.
I don’t want to make a big deal about it, because obviously, her chronic illness is very difficult for her, but I feel like implying that she struggles to put up with me on a daily basis isn’t great? I don’t want to be a jerk and be angry at her for something she can’t control, but also it was a bit out of order?
She’s done quite a lot of other stuff that I can’t be bothered to get into, but long story short I realized that a lot of the “banter” we had was probably truthful on her end, and her snapping at me that time made me realize that.
We’ve drifted apart recently, probably due to me keeping out of contact on my end. I do feel bad because we were really good friends and we had more good times than not, but what we had was pretty bad for my self-esteem and I’ve felt a lot better since.
However, the fact that it might just be because of her chronic illness makes me feel guilty. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you misinterpreted what she said. I say “I can’t deal with this today” when that particular day really has me at the end of my rope, not that I can never deal with the situation or person ever again.
If the friendship is dying, and you don’t mind, so be it. Otherwise, I think your friend was just having a bad day and reached a point where she couldn’t take it anymore.” sassyseagull1
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here.
I think both you and your friend made some mistakes here, but this falls squarely into the category of honest mistake instead of malice. Your friend clearly overreacted to you by snapping. And even being in pain does not excuse lashing out, but it certainly explains it and it seems like they’re trying to make amends after the fact.
However, I do want to offer you some guidance as well. In my years, I have known people who have tried to use humor as a universal strategy for interacting with people. As a multitool of social lubrication, tension release, empathy, and coping mechanism. Some of these people have been pretty funny, sometimes they’ve thought they were funnier than they actually were.
But many other people want to have a wider range of interactions and need to utilize different coping strategies when dealing with stress. And I’ve found, especially under stressful conditions, trying to make someone laugh who is not in the mood to laugh is one of the fastest ways you can turn somebody hostile against you.
I would urge you to try and practice more ways of connecting with your friends than just always trying to crack jokes. You might be able to shake that ‘annoying friend’ label.” sumg
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. A bit of compassion can go a long way.
Next time you see a friend (any friend) in distress, ask them what is wrong before you immediately start jumping to the jokes. Tailor your approach to the person you’re talking to and the situation. I know your feelings were hurt, but you should apologize to your friend for being oblivious to her pain.
This situation was not about you. If you really feel like you might be unintentionally hurting your friends, then I would talk to someone else who you are close to and trust. They might be able to advise you better and give you an unbiased opinion.
Based on what you said here, it seems like you joke around often so I wouldn’t be surprised if that had something to do with it. Not that there is anything wrong with being a fun guy, but if you have a history of not “reading the room” and don’t take into other’s feelings when telling your jokes, I can see how that would have a negative impact on your relationships.” otomekaidii
13. AITJ For Refusing A Drink From A Middle-Aged Man At A Bar?
“My friend and I (both 23f) went out for some drinks and dinner at this really happening restaurant in my city. It was band night. It was quite impossible to listen to the person next to you.
My friend and I were having our drinks, enjoying the evening. There was a party of middle-aged men around late 40s at the next table. This man sent me a drink and I refused it. I loudly said no thank you, but as you know it wasn’t audible enough.
He sent the waiter again. I sent the drink back.
The guy walked up with the drink in his hand himself and wanted me to have it. He was not really listening to me. At that point, my friend put her foot down and was like “she said no, please leave us alone” and he left.
When we told this story to other guy friends of ours, they told me that I was a jerk and could have accepted the drink. It doesn’t mean I would have gone out with him. I just didn’t want to make an impression. And I was skeptical about him being so insistent on having that drink.
But now I got to thinking that maybe I could have just accepted it and not created a scene. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes to women questioning if they should acquiesce a stranger to avoid causing a scene. He’s the one that caused a scene.
A drink is never just a drink. It’s an invitation to come over. It’s an attempt to lower your inhibitions. Of course you’re NTJ to not want to do that. No man is sending over drinks because he thinks you’re parched and confused about how to get a drink yourself.
Is someone really calling you a jerk for not wanting to subject yourself to flirting with a stranger you’re not interested in? I can’t tell anymore if people are awful or if this is just a validation post.” thewhiterosequeen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
You are under no obligation to accept a drink. Especially when you don’t even know what it is. Major red flags for him being so pushy, and him coming over with it himself means there was an opportunity for something to be put in it.
If he can’t accept no over a drink he is likely to think you accepting means you owe him. I’ve heard advice that if someone offers to buy you a drink at a bar and you are considering accepting, to ask for a soft drink.
A genuine person won’t mind (and it’s even cheaper for them) but this lady said a lot of men she encountered got annoyed at her and tried to make her choose booze. This made it seem they are trying to buy “a lowering of her defenses” with the drink, rather than genuinely being nice or wanting to get to know her.” 31anon5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NEVER EVER take a drink from a stranger. NEVER. It’s absolutely not worth the risk. He came over with it and insisted you take it? Huge red flag. This is not a guy who sees you as a nice person to talk to.
He either wanted to force you to feel obligated to him or owe him something. I hate older men who creep on younger women. NEVER RISK YOUR SAFETY to appease a pushy stranger. Never tell your friends they should just accept this poor behavior. Never say it was her own fault he caused a scene by not doing what he wanted. This is so wrong on so many levels.
However, it took me getting older to see that clearly for myself. We need to teach our girls to say no and our boys to accept that no. Keep trusting your gut and stay safe OP.” hi_hola_salut
12. AITJ For Spending My Book Budget On Audiobooks Instead Of Physical Books My Sister Can Read?
“My sister and I both really enjoy reading.
We both prefer reading in English, even though it’s not our first language.
I generally order books through a book depository or buy books from a bookstore because the libraries here don’t have a good collection of English books.
I don’t mind my sister reading my books since she takes really good care of them.
But recently, I’ve fallen down the audiobook rabbit hole.
This means that my usual “book budget” has been spent mostly on audiobooks rather than physical books. I still buy some physical books, but not as often as before. We don’t have Amazon/kindle/audible subscriptions here.
You can buy ebooks, but I just prefer physical copies.
I can tell that my sister’s been sad about it, even though she hasn’t explicitly said anything to me. Usually, when I buy books I make sure to add one or two she really wants aside from the ones I wanted. But we usually have pretty similar tastes in books so we both end up reading everything.
But audiobooks are expensive, especially when you live in a country that doesn’t have Audible or something similar.
My mum told me that she thinks that I should go back to buying physical books so both of us can enjoy them. She thinks it’s not nice of me to sideline my sister like that, at least until she and stepdad are doing better financially.
I get my “book budget” from my dad (my sister and I don’t have the same dad).”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is your money and you can decide how to best spend it. It would be nice to buy paper books that your sister can also enjoy, but that is not required. Your mom only made a suggestion, so I don’t think she is a jerk.
She didn’t require you to only buy paper books after all. I suggest you check out LibriVox. It has many free audiobooks of books that are in the public domain. People read whole books or chapters and upload them to the website for others to enjoy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I was going with NTJ until I read where your budget comes from and that your parents struggle financially. Personally, I think it’s a bit unfair to expect you to go back to buying books if you enjoy audiobooks so much, but it’s also sad for your sister… Aren’t there alternatives though?
Pretty much every country has libraries after all – and most have English books as well. Maybe she could borrow books? Or if there’s really no other option you could buy a paper book (one you really want) and continue to get audiobooks as well.” rusalkamaya
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk. It’s not fair to give you money for books and then expect you to buy something for someone else. Why don’t they give your sister money for her own books? What does she spend her pocket money on?
Your sister: there are so many free books in English online. What about her use of Kindle? Does she have a membership? If not, maybe your parents could buy her one? That gives her access to thousands of free books. Do you have a subscription to Audible?
This is a MUCH MUCH cheaper way to get audiobooks. And you get access to THOUSANDS OF FREE AUDIO BOOKS when you have a subscription to Audible Plus. You don’t need to be in a particular country to sign up for different regions of audible.
You say that you’re not in a country that gives access to Audible – This doesn’t sound right. I have subscriptions to audible.com (USA & Canada) audible.fr (France and Belgium) and audible.co.uk (Uk). I don’t live in any of those countries.
You don’t need to be in a particular country to subscribe to audible for that country. Can you find a way to get a library membership in a country that offers borrow-box or Libby? This gives you free access to thousands of audiobooks via your library.
Try looking at Kindle. A lot of their books are “whisper sync’. It means that Kindle reads the books to you. Unfortunately, the selection isn’t great. NTJ.” Bruiscear
11. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The Delivery Room For Insensitive Comments?
“My husband (34M) and I (32F) just had our first child today.
We were in the delivery room together, all was going well, I was in a lot of pain, but he was really supportive. The midwife was asking us questions about the baby etc in between contractions just to help me ease my mind a little.
Then she asked if we are excited about the pregnancy being over and I said that yes, because it’s been hard for me. My husband snorted and said, “for me too, she was so difficult”. The midwife tried to change the subject, but I asked my husband what the heck he meant by that, and he said that he is happy it’s over and he will get his wife back, and “the hormonal mess is over.”
I was so hurt and told him to please just leave the room. He said he’s not going anywhere because his child is being born here. I yelled at him to get the heck out and he was upset, called me a jerk for making him miss his kid’s birth, and stormed off.
He hasn’t been back to see our daughter, he is supposed to come later today.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s unbelievable the number of posts saying that she should just tolerate whatever he says because watching someone else give birth is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a man.
Well, if it means that much to him, he could have behaved himself like a supportive partner and kept his stupid, insulting, and demeaning jokes to himself. Pregnancy is hard and any man who can’t give his wife the respect she deserves for what she has done shouldn’t be in the delivery room.” Pleasant_Birthday_77
Another User Comments:
“WAIT so you gave birth by now, recovered from that somehow, found time to write this post and he hasn’t been back? I’m so sorry, but if this guy genuinely cared about either you or your daughter he would have waited in front of your door (ideally with chocolate and or flowers) ready to apologize and be there as soon as you’re ready.
I hope you have somewhere else to stay and people to support you because I’m honestly worried about you when he realizes hormones don’t magically normalize…. NTJ but please think about if that’s a one-time big mistake or part of a bigger thing you might wanna get out of.” hahahawow1312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry that you’re beginning a new chapter of your life with somebody who clearly doesn’t respect what you’ve put your body through. Sure, most pregnant women are hard to deal with at one point or another. Hormones suck and there’s nothing anyone can really do about it.
But do you know what’s worse? Pushing a darn watermelon out. As a guy myself, he should know better to keep his mouth closed and just be thankful he has a healthy wife and baby. Plus… if dealing with you was “difficult”, then how will he react to dealing with a screaming baby?” bweihs
10. AITJ For Not Caring About My Mother's Will And Inheritance?
“I (19f) have never gotten along with my mother (50sF). She’s very narcissistic and abusive. She kicked me out when I was barely 18 because I didn’t give her my trust fund. So safe to say we definitely do not have the best relationship but we are not NC.
I have two brothers (A 22M) and (R 24M). R has always been the favorite to my mother and would let him get away with anything, while A and I always got the short end of the stick. Despite this, all 3 of us have a close relationship.
Now to the problem, my mother has property abroad, life insurance, and savings. And all of it to be inherited by my oldest brother, and none to me and A. My friends are upset and angry and say I should cut off R and my mum as a result.
They frequently talk about this and it’s becoming annoying. I disagree because 1) it’s not my money. 2) my mother is doing this for attention and I’m not gonna give it to her. 3) I’m not shocked by this and expected it so I made my peace with it a long time ago.
But my friends are calling me a pushover and extended family are calling spineless. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your friends and extended family should mind their own business and let you make your own decisions. If you want to still have a relationship with your mom and brother regardless of what happens with the will, that is your choice.
Your mother’s will is hers to write as she pleases, and cutting her off will not change that anyway.” Rooster_Local
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I appreciate that your friends feel they’re looking out for you on this, but ultimately you know your Mum better than they do.
It’s quite hard to understand this kind of narcissistic attention-seeking when all you’ve had in life is decent parents and a loving family. Your friends think you can fight back because they know that if they did then their decent families are likely to go “Oh hey, maybe we should revisit this after all, you may have a point about it being unfair”.
You, on the other hand, know that all your mother wants is your attention, and much like smothering a fire you are refusing to give the oxygen that will feed it. Also, frankly, you’re only 19 years old. You will no doubt be reinstated and disowned another dozen times before your mother pops off this mortal coil, at which point everyone will be shocked to discover that she only has $500 to her name and a request that it be donated to a cat charity even though she hates cats.
No point getting stressed about it now.” NannyOggsKnickers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are your friends involved anyway? Do they think they will get a share? There is no inheritance until the person passes away. And your mother could sell everything and spend it all on designer trousers for sheep if she wanted to.
So your friends are doubly out of line. I would avoid friends who tell me to cut off relatives I like. I can see it in your mother’s case but you said you got along well with your older brother.” raceulfson
9. AITJ For Telling My Roommate's Dog To Stop Barking When She Had A Guest Over?
“My roomie’s dog barks regularly for long periods of time and refuses to stop unless told to or she wears herself out.
We live in an apartment building and she has yet to register her dog despite having had the dog for 4-6 months and has been asked to do so multiple times.
Recently my roommate had a guest over and her dog would bark repeatedly multiple times (understandable as guests make a dog weary sometimes) but it got to the point where around 9 pm the dog barked for roughly a minute.
I checked and saw that her car appeared to be running so I assumed they were leaving. The dog stopped barking so I let it go, until she started barking again. After that, I gently said “stooooop” loud enough to hopefully have it be heard through her shut door.
A few moments later the barking started back up and I said loudly “(dog’s name) stooooop” and she stopped. A few moments later (again) I received a text saying I was disrespectful for yelling “into her room while she had a guest” for her dog to stop barking.
What I had done was crack my door and say it into the hallway, which their room was connected to, but her door was shut.
So she was in the room with her dog and let it repeatedly bark for extended periods of time yet I’m in the wrong in her eyes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a dog whistle. I have a battery-powered one that works on a push button. When my dog barks, I press the button and it emits a high-pitched whistle that annoys the dog. It stops him from barking, but I can’t hear a thing.” iadggm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do know your apartment has the right to throw all of you out for not registering the dog right? Since it’s not registered they have no shot records for the dog which is a liability and legal issue for the apartment building owners.” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s disrespectful is not registering a dog and training them. PS try clapping and saying their name when you want the dog to be quiet. Learned this from my friend and it works very well on my dog.” NoThanksBye123
8. AITJ For Taking A Night Shift Job After My Breakup?
“I (28F) was in a relationship with Joel (30M) for five years.
We broke up a month ago and decided to live out our lease through July.
I ended things with him for multiple reasons, but our biggest issue has been never spending time together. I’ve worked the day shift as long as I’ve been working and he has worked afternoons for three years at the same place.
I asked him years ago to switch because he said he had no preference. He told me he would but that never happened until we broke up. Apparently, he quit one day, his manager called and begged him to come back, and he said he would only if he could switch to mornings.
We’ve been on the same shift since then. A friend of mine happened to know of a job opening at her work and recommended me. I went to the interview last week and accepted it on the spot. It would be a substantial raise and closer to back home where I’m moving.
The only drawback is that it’s night shift, which I’ve previously always refused to do.
I mentioned my new job to Joel, and he blew up at me calling me a hypocrite. I told him we’re not even together anymore and it’s a huge opportunity for me, so I don’t really care if he approves.
He’s been ignoring me since then. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you both made a schedule change after the breakup, but you’re the hypocrite and he’s not? “Apparently he quit one day, his manager called and begged him to come back, and he said he would only if he could switch to mornings.” That honestly makes it sound like while he maybe did not have a preference, it was not really an option and he just strung it along because reasons.
If you quit a job and they beg you to come back, it makes no sense that your one condition is to do something that was optional the whole time. NTJ and he sounds lovely.” ghostofumich2005
Another User Comments:
“I think honestly nobody gets the jerk label here.
He’s hurting, it’s a fresh breakup, forced to live together still. You aren’t a jerk for taking the night shift. When people are young is typically when they can pull that kind of shift off anyway. Honestly, for me being married for several years but together for over a decade, I work days (from home with some out of office to visit accounts locally mostly) and my husband works afternoons.
Honestly? I love it lol. About half those days in the week I’m going to bed or asleep when he gets back. I also LOVE my alone time, I feel crowded on weekends. In my marriage, less is more ‘for me’- but I get it that for most couples this isn’t so.” OK_OVERIT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am assuming he is upset because you wanted to be on the same schedule he suggested you move yours instead of him moving his? Either way, same answer. You are no longer together, you are relocating and willing to compromise on the shift change for the pay difference.
Your life situation has changed, and so can your perspective or priorities…if you were still together, I am sure you would have no interest in the shift switch but that is not the case.” Jaylloyd24
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner His Space Conspiracy Theory Is Stupid?
“My partner has a friend at work who, admittedly, has some decent arguments for some conspiracy theories.
However, this same person also believes the earth is flat. This person also believes no one has ever been to space.
My partner (33m) is an open-minded person who tends to love a good conspiracy theory. Well, his colleague has (thankfully) not convinced him that the earth is flat (yet), but he “convinced” him that no one has ever been to space.
How? A TikTok video of some “newscast” where the “astronauts” are faking being in space. I put these in quotes because I agree, this video doesn’t look like they’re in space (the lady’s hair is clearly gelled up). But it’s a TikTok with absolutely no context.
Even if it were a real newscast, the news often records things that are not actually live and claims they are live. This is not proof we haven’t been to space.
Some people think the USA moon landing wasn’t real. I’m not debating whether or not it is, but even if it was totally fake, that’s not a reason to say no one has EVER been to space.
I asked how we got and keep satellites in orbit if no one has been to space…. He told me they were sent up there with balloons and NASA uses a lot of helium.
BALLOONS?! I said UP isn’t a real movie and said this was stupid.
My partner is now in our bedroom and mad at me because I was rude.
Am I a jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“I’m an aerospace engineer. I’ve launched lots of satellites. All of our satellite maintenance is done via computer controls. Except Hubble.
Sometimes we use astronauts for that. But most satellites are fairly autonomous (can operate by themselves more or less). You do not see stars in the pictures because they are looking down at the earth, not out. Earthshine is very very bright. Think about it.
You don’t see stars in the daytime either, because it is so bright. Please get a new partner. Please.” LadyLightTravel
Another User Comments:
“Satellites are sent into space on rockets – no people are involved. But there are four people in space right now, orbiting above your partner’s head, on the International Space Station.
For the last 20 years, there have been people living and working in space every day. Well done you for challenging your partner’s conspiracy theories and reliance on Tiktok! He’s not being smart and you are NTJ. I suggest both of you hop onto NASA’s official website and enjoy the incredible resources they have to offer.” Enough-Builder-2230
Another User Comments:
“Ok so for real moon landing deniers annoy me. Basically, people who believe the moon landing was a hoax don’t understand the science of what’s going on, it’s all really obvious otherwise. Also, I recommend watching the documentary “In the Shadow of the Moon” (2007, not the completely unrelated 2019 movie).
You can find it on Amazon. It has interviews with all of the surviving Apollo astronauts and some unbelievable footage. Anyone who doesn’t get choked up watching it is a lost cause, I think. Finally, as to your satellite argument…remind him that the ISS (International Space Station) is visible to us.
People live and work on the ISS year-round, it could not have been built without human activity, and astronauts like Canadian Chris Hadfield have given plenty of “interviews” from inside it. They’re floating while they talk, as is their food/tools/hair/etc. There is SO MUCH obvious evidence here that if he doesn’t reevaluate this position, and soon, you really need to think about your future with this person.” PurpleOctopuseses
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Quit Ballet Because My Sister Is Upset About Her Skills?
“I used to do ballet when I was 4 years old up until I was 9. I had to quit for a few years but I started again 3 years ago when I was 13.
I worked really hard to catch up with other people my age in ballet and I put a lot of effort and dedication into it.
Last year my sister (she’s 12) decided to take up dancing too and she was placed in the same class as me due to her age.
Not to be rude to her but I am much better than her at ballet since I have been doing it longer.
Also, she puts close to no effort in and never practices at home, only once a week in the studio.
A few days ago she got upset that she wasn’t as good as the other people in our class or as good as me. I told her the truth and that if she wants to get good then she will have to work for it like I did.
She got really angry and told our mom, and she is threatening to pull both me and my sister from ballet class and that she doesn’t want to pay all that money just for us to argue. I don’t think this is fair for her to pull me from the class.
She can pull my sister fine but I think I deserve to stay. But now I feel in the wrong so I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is & your mom just doesn’t want to deal with it. You need to make it clear that you are so much better because you love it and put in the time/effort to be good.
Your sister needs to find her own passion. Ballet is not for her. It would be totally unfair and lazy on your mom’s part to pull you both out of class. Maybe sis can try another form of dance or sport. It’s not your fault she’s not as good as you at something.
Punishing you for trying harder is not an appropriate response to your sister’s laziness.” Who_Your_Mommy
Another User Comments:
“This is easy, OP. Just say to your mom, “Mom, you’re right, it’s silly to argue and I won’t be doing that anymore. Please let me stay in ballet.” And then, stop responding negatively to your sister’s complaints.
You know, you can just listen to her complain without jumping in and telling her why she’s wrong. It might even help your relationship with her. Just listen, and occasionally make comments like, “I’m sorry it’s so difficult for you. What do you think will help?” And let her come to her own conclusions.
Lead by example. Hard work = beautiful ballet. No jerks here.” dunemi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t get angry, don’t shout but ask to talk to your mother one on one. Sit her down and explain that your sister was complaining about not being as good as the others and you only were pointing out to her that it’s because she doesn’t practice.
Remind her about how much effort and practice you personally have put into dancing and that this is teaching you a good work ethic for other areas in your life, your sister needs to understand you don’t get anywhere in life if you don’t put the work in and it’s a really important lesson for her to learn for for future.
Ask your mom to help explain this to your sister to help her not just with dance but also with how she approaches school and other activities so she has a better chance of really making something of herself, tell your mom you worry if your sister learns to coast through life then she will expect things to be handed to her rather than knowing you have to work for them.
You sound like you have a good work ethic yourself talking to your mom from a place of concern rather than arguing is more likely to achieve your goal” HexStarlight
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband When He Left For A Call While I Needed A Break?
“My husband (29 m) and I (25 f) have two kids together (6 m) and (4 f). I was put on disability a few months ago due to a really bad injury at work.
This spiraled me into a bad depression etc. Since being on disability I have been a stay-at-home mom. I in turn have taken on the majority of household chores etc. I do collect an income while on it and pay bills still. My husband works full-time and is a volunteer firefighter, so he is gone quite often to calls or practices.
Therefore I spend most days/evenings handling our kids.
Today has been a challenging day with the kids both not listening and fighting with each other no matter what I tried in general it’s been a long week. By the time my husband got home, I had a raging headache and delegated him to make supper for once and handle the kids while I went and lay down.
I told him I just really needed a break, and he was fine with that.
I had been down for less than thirty minutes when his pager went off and I hoped he would for once miss a call so I could have a break, but instead, he came into our room and said he had to go.
I snapped, “for once can you just not go to a call and let me have a break!” he proceeded to get upset and say “yea, fine, whatever” and go make supper.
I came out of the room shortly after and asked him why I couldn’t have a break for once when I spend all day every day with the kids.
He told me how it’s unfair to him to miss doing something he enjoys, when I for months have given up so much and haven’t done anything I enjoy. I’ve sacrificed so much already and I try not to ask too much of him because I’m collecting disability and at home.
But I deserve personal time too, don’t I? I miss doing things I enjoy, but I feel guilty if I do ask because I’m not working right now. So am I the jerk for snapping at him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I have a feeling you’re in a lose-lose situation.
I’d imagine if you ask him to miss you’ll eventually feel guilty or get guilted into feeling bad because he’s volunteering for a good cause and it’s selfish to ask him to miss helping people. That doesn’t negate his responsibilities to his family first. You may need to go over boundaries and work schedules or think about counseling or something.
You cannot do everything while he has effectively decided to pick up a volunteer job that functions as a second job. He needs clear-cut volunteer hours, anything outside of that is a no-go time.” SherbetAnnual2294
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You both deserve equal free time.
Work, child minding, chores, job hunting, studying, and being sick all count as not-free time, and adding things up, it sounds like you guys have a very imbalanced amount of free time. Suggest to your husband that for every hour he spends on his hobby, you get an hour to do yours.
That sounds equal, doesn’t it? Make sure to leave the house for your activity, even if it is just to go to a cafe and sit and relax. If he complains, refuses, or in any way sabotages your free time, know that he does not respect you and your efforts for your family.
For many, including me, that would be a dealbreaker, but it might not be possible for you to leave (right away). However, be careful that you do not sacrifice yourself until there is nothing left of you. Consider carefully how long you are willing to stay if nothing changes.
5 years? 10? Then start planning how to change your life, whether with him or without him.” KeyFly3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, both of you should have personal time, even as parents. And second, you need to seriously review how you talk and think about this: you didn’t randomly want a break that could be taken any day, you had a headache and needed to rest for medical reasons.
That’s not a whim, that’s a need. If your husband thinks you ‘wanted a break’ and apologizes when he realizes why you needed one, that’s one thing. If he thinks your headache is less important than him having fun, that’s a very different conversation you need to have.” allyearswift
4. AITJ For Refusing To Cosign My Brother's House Loan Due To Financial Risks?
“My brother (m34) asked me (m36) to cosign on his house that he is having built. He is supposed to close on it at the end of the month and only asked me on Thursday. He is even offering to give me money to put towards my own house when I decide to buy one.
The way I see it, no amount of money is going to matter if no lender would give me a mortgage. My credit is also pretty good, and I don’t want to have a mortgage on my report for a house I’ve only seen once.
I’ve also asked my wife and a couple of coworkers, and all of them have said not to do it. I was just wondering…AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My cousins asked us to cosign for their home after a short sale from the 2008 crash.
It was hard getting them back on their feet. We considered it but had to say no. We had school-age kids who were getting ready to go to college plus we didn’t want to be on the hook for their mortgage if something went wrong.
They found another home that they qualified for and then divorced within two years. Their home was months behind in payments. They had to sell it fast. If we had cosigned we’d have been dragged into their divorce drama/issues, had to make the payments, and likely forced one of them to move out so we could sell the home.
In retrospect, we did the right thing. My advice is to never cosign for someone, except maybe your own children for their first apartment or something along these lines. There’s usually a reason a person doesn’t qualify on their own.” Historical-Ad1493
Another User Comments:
“This is the worst idea.
I used to work with Wells Fargo doing everything from mortgage refinancing to auto loans to credit cards for customers. The number of times I could not get a customer approved for something they NEEDED because a loan they co-signed – be it a mortgage or car loan or student loan for someone else – threw off their debt-to-income ratio… it was a lot.
And they’d always say, “well it’s my granddaughter’s student loan! She pays it! I don’t!” or “but it’s my mom’s house! She pays the mortgage! I don’t even pay it!” Does not matter. YOU co-signed so it takes up space on YOUR debt-to-income ratio thus I cannot approve you for the car you desperately need to get to work.
Or for the mortgage refinancing to lower your rate and payments and get your new wife on your mortgage. You messed yourself up because you didn’t understand the ramifications of what you were doing. It isn’t just about your credit score. Debt-to-income ratio plays a huge factor in credit approvals.
NTJ.” neeksknowsbest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your brother defaults or misses a payment the bank will look to you for the payment. The missed or late payments will also go on your credit report. If the house is foreclosed on, you will also be on the hook.
Before foreclosure, there is a thing called loan acceleration where the entire amount of the loan becomes due. If that happens, you will be expected to pay the acceleration if your brother can’t. Even if nothing goes wrong and your brother never misses a payment it could jeopardize your future ability to obtain a loan.
See, one of the things that a lender looks at to qualify you for a loan is your Debt to Income Ratio. Loans that are cosigned are considered to be your debt and will throw off your debt-to-income ratio. So yeah. NTJ. And good on you for keeping a level head and watching out for yourself.” BaldyCarrotTop
3. AITJ For Refusing To Evict Our New Roommate When Our Old Roommate Wants Her Spot Back?
“I am 20 F and I lived with Tess and Beth this past school year. They are the same age and we are all set to start our junior year at college. Beth, Tess, and I lived in the same dorm and that’s why we are close.
Well, Beth and I are extremely close and Tess, well is Tess.
Tess is from big big wealth. Vacation homes, country clubs, yacht clubs, you name it. Her Instagram is littered with lavish pics. She hasn’t been the best roommate, she’s extremely spoiled but honestly, Beth and I blame her parents.
Tess doesn’t know better it seems.
At the end of May, Tess’s significant other Derek dumped her. Derek was awesome and loved the crap out of her. While Tess still had a string of other guys she’d send inappropriate photos to. So yeah she was unfaithful.
But when Derek dumped her, it was “ohh poor Tess, Tess is so depressed, she’s ruined, her life is over, she was gonna marry him, she loved him so much” and because Beth and I are great people, we comforted her. Even though she did it to herself.
In early June, Tess told us that in order to clear her head and recover from her “heartbreak”, she would be living for the rest of summer by herself in her parents’ vacation home in Florida. It’s in one of the keys. Gated community.
But it has restaurants, golf courses, stores, a dentist, a doctor, and a yacht club. It’s basically a gated town. Let me know if you know it. She informed us to find a subleaser because she won’t pay the rent. Beth and I scrambled tirelessly to find someone, or else we’d be screwed. We finally found Amy.
We love Amy. She’s awesome. Amy started paying Tess’s rent and moved in.
WELL, little Tess got a little too liberal with mom and dad’s tab while in Florida. In about a month, she racked up almost 12,000$ in charges. She shops every day at the high-end stores.
Eats out. Is inebriated the whole time on fancy cocktails. And OH. Flew out a guy to spend time with for a week. A fraternity brother of Derek’s (frat members are awesome friends to each other). She treated him to everything on her parents’ account.
They got wind and are now sending her back to her apartment with us. They bought her the plane ticket back and put a hold on the Florida account.
Well, now Tess wants us to throw Amy out. She doesn’t care where Amy goes.
Says it’s her place and she wants it back. The problem is Amy didn’t technically sign any papers. She just started paying. We do have text and email evidence that Tess okayed Amy to move in for the end of the lease. Tess is furious and now her mom is calling me and Beth saying it’s Tess’s apartment and it’s our responsibility to move Amy.
We are refusing. We aren’t going to hurt Amy when Tess brought this all on herself. So are we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re entering a territory of a legal battle. I don’t think you’ll have nearly as much say as you think you will.
Look up your place’s policy on subleasing (there should be a note about it in your original lease), because some places forbid it and if it was against the policy from the start, or you didn’t go through the agreed-upon process, you might not have a leg to stand on here.
Also, if the lease doesn’t specify it, consulting with an attorney who specializes in renters’ rights might be a good idea. I know 20-year-old college students may not have that wealth, but best believe it will be the next step for Tess’ parents.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot will depend on where you live, but generally, text and email can both be used in court to prove that Tess voluntarily okayed Amy assuming Tess’s part of the lease for the remainder of the lease period. This is a subletting situation, which is just as contractual as the lease itself.
And, as a subletting situation, it’s actually on Tess (the person who okayed it, and whose place Amy took) to do any evicting.” Cultural-Ambition449
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Tess is really crappy for leaving you guys in the lurch like that.
Unfortunately, you kinda shot yourselves in the foot on this. Many rental contracts do not allow subletting because it gets messy. You should have talked to your landlord as soon as Tess moved out to see about options. If Amy and Tess never officially signed subletting papers – then Amy is a guest. How long she’s been there and your state’s tenant laws say whether or not she counts as a tenant.
If it’s just a short amount of time before the next lease – I would see if you can have Amy move into sharing one of your rooms/living room temporarily. Tess has her old room back, get the landlord to support you in kicking Tess out in the new lease.
If the landlord can’t help you kick Tess out – then I would cancel your new lease and rent a different apartment with Amy, you, and Beth on the lease. Anyway you do this it’ll probably be messy – and unfortunately, Tess’s parents can probably cause some big problems. I would refuse to let Tess back in unless she prepaid for the time left in your lease and the months she owes you.
Then you could reimburse Amy for what she paid. Not sure if you can prevent your landlord from letting Tess back in though.” Snoo90169
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad In The Delivery Room?
“I (20f) and my husband (22m) are expecting our first child any day now.
The topic came up the other day about who I want in L&D with me, I’m allowed 3 but only want my mom and my husband in there. When I said I only wanted my mom and husband the first thing my dad said was “what am I chopped liver?”
I replied, “do you really want to see everything?”
He said “no, when they come to check you, I’ll just step out.”
I said “what’s the sense in you being there then?”
To which he rolled his eyes and walked away.
I get that he wants to be there when his grandson is born, but I don’t think he realizes that everything is exposed when you are pushing out a baby, there really is no avoiding it, and it’s pretty much a waiting game until that point.
I can have more visitors after the baby is born, and I will be in the hospital for 2 days after he is born because we both will need to be monitored because of a bacteria I have. (already been told this by my doctors) I don’t see why he can’t just wait till after he is born to visit.
I also have already been getting overwhelmed the last 2 weeks just thinking about L&D as I have had pretty bad anxiety since I was in middle school, and my dad has never really helped when I have had attacks, and sometimes makes them worse.
I also don’t do well in crowded spaces anyway and know there are a lot of people in the room when you deliver.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The whole point in having people with you when you give birth isn’t so they can watch it like it’s some kind of sports ball game.
It’s so they can support you and help you through what is likely to be a painful and difficult experience. Your dad is only thinking about himself here. This isn’t about him. This is about you and your baby. Adding extra anxiety during labour is of no help to either of you.
Daddy can just suck it up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Has your dad ever been in a labour ward before? Does he really know what it’s like? Even if he went in with your mum, there is a good chance that things were done very differently back then.
Nowadays, (here in Australia at least) they really try to encourage active birth. With the woman walking around and moving and such, usually in varying states of undress. So it is literally not going to work to ‘just pop out when the doctors/nurses are doing their checks’.
In all of my labours, everything is pretty much on show and unavoidable to anyone in the room. Back when my mum had kids it was different. She was forced to lay on the bed the whole time and was given an epidural as pretty much routine.
There was less focus on Mum’s comfort throughout. Ultimately you get to make the decision about who is in the room, and who you feel comfortable with. But maybe try to explain to him, or get your mum to explain to him, that there is a very real chance that you will be fully dressed throughout at least some portion of the process.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving birth isn’t a spectator sport, it’s a medical event; one that can be fraught with complications, pain, anxiety and difficult medical decisions. NO ONE is entitled to being present in the delivery room whilst you’re giving birth, not even the father of the child.
The purpose of having someone with you is for you to feel supported, and for someone to advocate for you to medical professionals, and to help make emergency decisions if your life is at risk. Being present to watch the baby’s arrival is an added bonus to what is supposed to be a supportive role for you.
You are the patient, and your needs (physical, medical, emotional) should always come first, you have absolutely VETO to who will be allowed around you in the hospital. Just because more than 1 person is allowed, doesn’t mean all spots should be filled. Someone who worsens your anxiety should not be present at your birth, you’re going to need loving support and encouragement.
The fact that he’s pouting and acting entitled further proves that he’s selfish and not thinking of your needs, but his wants. It’s important to start thinking about what you want your birthing and parenting journey to look like. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and set boundaries early and often.
No one is entitled to your child, no matter the relation.” moonpea
1. AITJ For Boarding Dogs In My Apartment Despite My Roommate's Objections?
“My roommate and I are currently not talking to each other. A few months ago she brought her friends over in the middle of the night and partied in the living room, blaring my TV that I share with her till 3 am. I asked her nicely not to do that again the next day (our apt fines for noise violations as well) and let her know she was violating the lease.
She refused to accept any responsibility and accused me of being her RA. She then reluctantly agreed to have a midnight cutoff time for loud guests, after she saw I wasn’t going to put up with it any longer.
Well, two weeks ago she does it yet again.
I vented to my counseling group about it and they encouraged me to just let it go for my own peace of mind, but I just couldn’t do that. I can’t have my roommate thinking she can get away with waking me up in the middle of the night.
I regularly do bookings on Rover and decided to accept boarding services again, even though my roommate told me before the first incident she didn’t like it when dogs were boarded in our place.
So today after the woman drops her dog off to be boarded with me, my roommate pops out of her room and starts arguing that I agreed to not bring boardings back.
I told her she agreed not to bring friends over in the middle of the night yet violated it. She then goes on about how I need to understand that she’s in college and that she’s just trying to have fun, so I then told her she needs to understand that I’m in grad school and I’m just trying to pay my rent.
The dogs always sleep in my room and I never expect her to do anything for them. Also, our apartment is pet-friendly. They do have a pet deposit and pet rent each month, but I do not have any regular pets living with me so I don’t think it’s a lease violation like her noise is.
But AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – your roommate is rude and isn’t willing to compromise. You boarding dogs in a hostile environment is completely unprofessional. As someone who uses Rover regularly and has also boarded dogs in my residence through Rover, I’m quite appalled.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You need to read your lease. Most leases say you can’t run a business out of your rental unit. You could be evicted. Also, if she reports the dogs you will be evicted. Your lease says you can have pets if you pay X.
But you don’t pay X and you are running a business out of your apartment. Your roommate did not agree to share a home with pets. You will lose not her. You should read your lease before she does. YTJ.” BenjiCat17
Another User Comments:
“ESH, though you more her.
Both of y’all are violating the lease (her with noise, you with boarding pets without paying the deposit). And I suspect the landlord would actually be a lot more annoyed with your violation, given that dogs can cause a lot of damage and require extra cleaning to get rid of allergens, while loud parties once every few months are generally an expected part of living in an apartment.
She shouldn’t have agreed to the midnight cutoff and then violated it, but honestly, a college student being loud with her friends one night every few months seems totally normal. If she was doing this constantly, I’d get your rage, but it seems like it happens rarely.” Bizzy1717
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